Mistletoe Mommy
Mistletoe Mommy
Danica Favorite
A MOTHER FOR CHRISTMASWidower Luke Jeffries needs a mother for his three young children, whether or not they agree. When he meets Nellie McClain at the mail-order-bride agency, Luke thinks his problems are solved, but they’ve only just begun. Though the beautiful widow awakens his grieving heart, Luke won’t betray his cherished wife’s memory.A marriage of convenience is exactly what Nellie wants, since she’s been wounded by love before and doesn’t plan to risk her heart again. But despite her chilly reception at Luke’s family’s simple Colorado cabin, her feelings for Luke and the children grow deeper every day. Can Nellie and Luke heal the pain in each other and finally make their family whole again?
A Mother for Christmas
Widower Luke Jeffries needs a mother for his three young children, whether or not they agree. When he meets Nellie McClain at the mail-order-bride agency, Luke thinks his problems are solved, but they’ve only just begun. Though the beautiful widow awakens his grieving heart, Luke won’t betray his cherished wife’s memory.
A marriage of convenience is exactly what Nellie wants, since she’s been wounded by love before and doesn’t plan to risk her heart again. But despite her chilly reception at Luke’s family’s simple Colorado cabin, her feelings for Luke and the children grow deeper every day. Can Nellie and Luke heal the pain in each other and finally make their family whole again?
“Can we still have mistletoe? It’s what I love best about Christmas.”
Amos wrapped his arms around his father’s waist. “Nellie said we could only get mistletoe if you agree.”
“Mistletoe? Why are you so insistent on mistletoe?” Luke looked down at his son.
“Because!” A wide grin split Amos’s face. “Everyone kisses and hugs, and they’re all happy. We need more happiness in our house. And maybe, if Nellie kisses you, then you would be happy, too.”
“Nellie can’t kiss Papa!” Ruby declared, shaking her head furiously. “It’s not right.”
A lump formed in Nellie’s throat. Apparently, there were limits to the changes Ruby would approve of. Even Luke looked mildly stricken at the thought.
Would she and Luke ever kiss? Sometimes Nellie hoped so. But then she thought about how it would merely be a platonic kiss to Luke, but if Nellie kissed him, she’d be doing it with all her heart.
A difference that would absolutely destroy her.
Dear Reader (#u3d7f5c88-2cb3-55cc-93f4-dfa2f100e961),
When I was researching this story, I read newspapers printed in the same time when my story takes place. I was expecting to see something reflecting what we see in the media today about Christmas. Instead, I saw articles about activities the church planned, or, what became my favorite, commentary about how lovely the church choir sounded, and that parishioners were in for a treat come Christmas.
How I long to go back to that time! I can’t imagine a better Christmas than not having all the commercialism our society associates with the holiday, and being able to truly soak in the spirit of the season.
My hope, and my prayer, for you is that during the busyness of the season upon us, you find some quiet time to soak in the gift God has given us. May God give you a reminder of His deep love for you this Christmas.
I always love hearing from my readers. Connect with me at the following places:
Website: DanicaFavorite.com (http://www.danicafavorite.com/)
Twitter: Twitter.com/danicafavorite (https://twitter.com/danicafavorite)
Instagram: Instagram.com/danicafavorite (https://instagram.com/danicafavorite/)
Facebook: Facebook.com/DanicaFavoriteAuthor (https://www.facebook.com/DanicaFavoriteAuthor)
Peace to you and yours,
Danica Favorite
DANICA FAVORITE loves the adventure of living a creative life. She loves to explore the depths of human nature and follow people on the journey to happily-ever-after. Though the journey is often bumpy, those bumps refine imperfect characters as they live the life God created them for. Oops, that just spoiled the ending of Danica’s stories. Then again, getting there is all the fun. Find her at danicafavorite.com (http://www.danicafavorite.com).
Mistletoe Mommy
Danica Favorite
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.
—Matthew 6:19–20
For the real Ruby, Charlie, Maeve, Amos, Ruth, Ely and Lydia, may you continue to grow in God’s love under the guidance of your amazing parents. I’m so proud to call them my friends, and I’m grateful I get to be a part of your lives.
Contents
Cover (#u18920329-a3be-5e25-911a-1779774ad2cf)
Back Cover Text (#ubf2d4843-6b60-5151-9f3c-4005d7cac262)
Introduction (#u2302f286-dac3-5ff1-b38b-e257454cfc58)
Dear Reader (#u479503eb-cfe8-5a74-8373-372b755de93f)
About the Author (#ucbf75976-08a7-5aea-bc38-ea088eed49dd)
Title Page (#ub044c706-8462-59a2-a1c6-a20ad91968cd)
Bible Verse (#uacf82e4e-3c22-589e-8041-f6be2ae85eb6)
Dedication (#u5b16426f-29e8-56f4-aa7d-0064245f853c)
Chapter One (#u65f77916-5513-556b-9c14-4d0865a7e201)
Chapter Two (#uc29de737-22a0-5c37-8a29-9e7c82381f7c)
Chapter Three (#u60757359-5acf-591f-a9fc-566c209ccfc4)
Chapter Four (#uefac0d23-5888-53c3-b39a-9a4bd9ca4fd9)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One (#u3d7f5c88-2cb3-55cc-93f4-dfa2f100e961)
Denver, Colorado, 1883
Luke Jeffries twisted his hat in his hands as the woman stared at him from behind her desk. Like he was an errant schoolboy facing the teacher for his misdeeds. But he hadn’t done anything wrong. At least not in the way most people considered something to be wrong. He hadn’t hurt anyone or broken any laws, and yet standing in front of a strange woman, begging her to find him a mail-order bride, felt more wrong than anything the worst of sinners could do.
“Please, ma’am,” he said again, swallowing the guilt in his throat. “I’m not asking for me. But you see, my children...” Luke shook his head. Took a deep breath. “Without their mother, things have been hard for them. I’ve got to work.”
Some folks might say he didn’t. The mining company gave him a nice payout after Diana’s death. But he couldn’t accept their blood money. It just sat there in the bank, taunting him, telling him what they thought a woman’s life was worth. But none of that would bring back the woman he loved. A dollar couldn’t tuck in the children at night.
Which was the greater sin? Going to some agency to find himself a bride he could never love? Or spending money that could never replace what had been taken from him?
Luke straightened his shoulders. “I’ll provide my wife with a good home. Plenty of food, and the children are well behaved. It’s a good life for a decent woman.”
“And what about you, Mr. Jeffries?” Mrs. Heatherington, who ran the mail-order-bride agency, stood, leaning over her desk to stare at him even harder. “What do you have to offer of yourself?”
It was the very reason he’d come here. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. “I will be kind to my new wife, if that’s what you’re asking. I’m not a violent man. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I go to work every day at the smelter, then come home to spend the evening with my family.”
“What of love?” the woman asked quietly, almost too quietly, but his heart heard. And wept.
“I can offer her the love of a friend or a brother. I have no expectations of my future wife to be anything more.”
Luke stared down at his hat, knowing he wasn’t doing it any favors with the way he was twisting it, but right now the feel of the material gave him some comfort, like it was his only friend.
“It seems to me that you need a nanny or a housekeeper, not a wife,” Mrs. Heatherington said, sitting back down and jotting a few notes on a piece of paper. “I can give some recommendations of a few agencies that might help you.”
“No. I appreciate that, but I do need a wife. I can’t afford to pay someone, and to be honest, my living situation...” Luke shook his head again. “It wouldn’t be proper, having a woman come and stay with us if we weren’t married. Housing in Leadville is hard to come by, and our little house is but one room, with a tiny loft for sleeping.”
Mrs. Heatherington looked up at him over her glasses. “But you aren’t going to love her?”
It was obvious what she was asking, and yet such things weren’t spoken of, not in polite society, not with a respectable woman like Mrs. Heatherington. Then again, Luke wasn’t sure that asking someone to find him a wife was something a person did in polite society, either.
“With all due respect, ma’am, I think I understand what you’re asking. And let me assure you that I have no desire to have...” Luke paused and drew in a breath. “Any sort of...relations...with my new bride. Our marriage is to be in name only.”
And yet his words only served to make the woman stare at him like he was a criminal.
“Just what exactly do you think you’re offering? What would induce any woman to marry a man who only wants her to be a housekeeper or nanny without pay, and without the benefit of someone to love her? Someone to care about her?”
Luke shifted uneasily as she rose from her chair yet again.
“Please, ma’am. I just thought that maybe there was a woman out there, someone who doesn’t have all those romantic notions. A widow, maybe. Someone who needs a good home, children to raise. Women dream of that, don’t they?”
He looked at her, hoping she could see the earnest desire in his heart to find a situation that would work for not just him, but for a woman who wanted a similar situation.
“Women dream of being loved, Mr. Jeffries. They dream of being more than someone’s domestic servant.”
Shaking his head, he said slowly, “I don’t intend for her to be my servant. We’d be partners. Working together for the good of our family.”
Mrs. Heatherington glared at him.
“This isn’t just about me. My children need a good woman to guide them. My daughter Ruby, she’s...” Luke hesitated, trying to find polite words to describe the situation he found himself in. “Things are changing in her, and she needs a woman to help her.”
Once again, he stared at the floor, anything to avoid meeting the gaze of the woman who stood on the other side of the desk, judging him. Making him wish he hadn’t seen the ad in the paper promising to find men good wives. Easier than Taking a Mail-Order-Bride Ad Yourself, it claimed. We Do the Work for You. And since he’d tried finding a mail-order bride, with no answers to his ads, this seemed to be his last option.
“Surely a woman from your church could discuss those things with your daughter,” Mrs. Heatherington said kindly. “I understand it would be difficult for a man, but—”
“I won’t have anything to do with the church,” Luke said, his attention snapping back up at her. “That’s the whole reason we’re in this mess. As far I’m concerned, the church killed my wife. Even if they could help, I wouldn’t take it.”
With a pang, Luke thought of the many meals the ladies had brought over for his family when Diana had been killed. He hadn’t wanted to take them, hadn’t wanted to eat the food, but the children had been so hungry, and Luke’s efforts at preparing anything edible hadn’t gone over well. Every bite had made him feel sick, and he’d been grateful when ten-year-old Ruby had calmly told him that her mother had taught her to prepare some basic things, and she’d taken over the cooking.
But it wasn’t Ruby’s place to prepare the meals, do her mother’s chores and take care of her siblings. Especially now that the woman Luke had hired to watch Maeve, the youngest, who wasn’t yet in school, had quit. Maureen’s note to him saying she was leaving had somehow gone awry, and Luke found out that Ruby was skipping school to do the job herself. She deserved to have her childhood back, which was one more reason Luke had to find a wife. Clearly hired help couldn’t be counted on, and Luke still didn’t understand how it had taken him nearly a week to find out that Ruby had taken over. Since then, he’d relied on the generosity of neighbors, but Luke had to find a more permanent solution. It didn’t feel right to take a wife not six months after Diana’s death, but Luke was out of options.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Jeffries. I can’t help you,” Mrs. Heatherington said, coming around to the side of her desk. “We are a Christian organization, and it’s my obligation to bring together men and women of faith to create a loving home.”
She shook her head as she looked at him with sympathy. “I am truly sorry for your loss, and I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you to have lost a wife, and for your children to not have a mother. But this goes against everything I believe in. Too many women come out here as part of mail-order-bride schemes, thinking they’re going to end up with a wonderful life. All too often, they end up in terrible situations, some even being sold to houses of ill repute.”
“I would never—”
Mrs. Heatherington shook her head slowly. “Perhaps not. But what happens to this bride of yours when the children are grown and you have no need of free labor? Or one of you realizes that you do, in fact, need someone to love in your life?”
Before Luke could answer, a voice called out from behind him. “I’ll do it.”
Luke turned to see a woman standing in the doorway. Though her clothes seemed to have once been of fine quality, they were now threadbare and worn. Her dark hair was piled on top of her head in a simple yet elegant style, and she bore herself like a lady of means. The lines at the corners of her deep brown eyes indicated a weariness of the world matching his own. Yet her face seemed to have a strength to it that said she was not going to let any of her hardships get her down.
“And you are?” Mrs. Heatherington stepped past him to approach the woman.
“Nellie McClain,” she said, entering the room. “I’ve come to see if you’d find me a husband.”
Nellie looked around the room, then her gaze settled on Luke. “He’ll do just fine.”
He’ll do just fine. Not exactly the words of love and devotion one would expect to come from a bride, but Luke wasn’t looking for love and devotion. Still, he knew nothing of this woman, and it seemed odd that she’d jump right in and offer to marry him.
“But you know nothing about him,” Mrs. Heatherington said. “And we haven’t... That is to say, I don’t know who you are, and we haven’t gone through the interview process.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “You won’t help him, but I can.”
“What do you mean, you can?” Luke said.
“I need a husband,” she said, turning her attention to him. “Based on what you said, I think you’re exactly what I’m looking for. I don’t want a man to make promises with his fancy words. I don’t want some notion of romance. All I want is someone who is decent, hardworking, and knows how to treat people right. I know it’s wrong to eavesdrop, but based on what I heard in here, it seems to me that you have the qualities I seek.”
Her words might not sound like what a man hoped to hear from a prospective bride. But they were music to Luke’s ears, given that it seemed like they wanted the same thing.
“But what of love?” Mrs. Heatherington asked. “You seem like a nice young lady. Surely you want better for yourself.”
“With all due respect,” Nellie said, “I’m a widow. I know what it’s like to marry over some foolish notion like what a person thinks might be love. A woman like me needs nothing more than the protection of a good man and a family to care for. To be able to raise children is a pleasure I dared not hope for, but I would be extremely grateful for the opportunity.”
She stepped farther into the room and looked at Luke, and for the first time, he was able to examine her features and see that while it was easy to mistake her for a young lady in the marriage mart, her bearing bore the strain of someone who had seen far too much pain in so short a life. A widow. This woman knew what it was like to love and lose, and it was obvious she wasn’t willing to take the risk again. A perfect match for him.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Luke said. “What makes you want to marry?”
Nellie hesitated. A dark look flashed across her face, and Luke wished he could ask her about it. But he barely knew this woman, and it didn’t seem right to dig into her pain.
“I suppose it sounds selfish for me to say that I wish to be cared for. A woman in my position finds herself taken advantage of and placed in bad situations because she is alone. There is little a respectable woman can do on her own, and she is often faced with challenges simply because of her circumstances. I’ve had enough struggle and hardship, and all I really want is to live life in peace.”
She looked up at him with such sadness in her eyes that even if he hadn’t already decided to marry her, Luke would have found some way of helping her. He couldn’t disagree with her words. Though he had nothing but respect for women, he had also seen how many other men mistreated them. A woman on her own was a target for all sorts of vile deeds. Based on the expression on Nellie’s face, Luke would guess that something terrible indeed had happened to her.
“I can’t promise you that a life with me will be easy,” Luke said. “I live in Leadville, a mining town in the mountains that boasts of luxuries and society rivaling that of Denver. However, Leadville also has a dark side, an uncivilized side, and the best I can offer you is a tiny cabin on a dirty street in the midst of it. We’ve plenty enough to eat, clothes on our backs, and as long as you don’t require anything fancy, you’ll have what you need.”
“But what of love?” Mrs. Heatherington asked again, looking distraught and wringing her hands as she came forward. “The two of you sound like you’re planning a business deal. But marriage is so much more than that. What happens when the children are grown? What happens when you can’t bear the sight of each other?”
Luke took another look at Nellie. It wouldn’t be proper of him to say, but Nellie’s eyes were not her only attraction. The light shone on her dark hair in a way that made it sparkle. Being able to bear looking at her wasn’t the problem. He was more worried that he would like looking at her a little too much.
Nellie smiled at her, a gentle expression that made Luke want to know her better. “There are different kinds of love. Romantic love is something I want nothing to do with. It is a whimsical notion that makes fools of too many men and women. But there is also the love of a mother, father, brother, sister, and what I hope to develop with my future husband, that of a friend.”
Then Nellie turned her gaze on Luke, smiling at him. If only Mrs. Heatherington hadn’t made him consider her beauty. Her warm, gentle smile made him feel more at ease than he’d been since he’d stepped foot into this room. She was lovely indeed.
“Can we agree to become friends?” Nellie inquired. “Surely it isn’t too much to ask. After all, it would be best for the children to have the example of the adults in their lives trying to get along. And, as Mrs. Heatherington said, once the children leave, it would be nice to spend the rest of my life with a friend.”
Friends. He’d come here looking for a wife, and it seemed almost unbelievable that he might be leaving with something more. If he and God were on speaking terms, he might even thank the man upstairs for such an unexpected blessing.
Luke turned to Nellie. “For you, the possibility of a child was more than you could hope for. I hadn’t even been thinking about gaining a friend. But it would be mighty nice to have someone to talk to and a companion for my life. It would be my honor to be your friend. And I hope you will do me the honor of becoming my wife.”
Another smile lit up Nellie’s face. “I would be delighted,” she said.
* * *
Had Nellie really just accepted a proposal of marriage? It shouldn’t be a surprise; after all, that was why she’d come. But it seemed almost too good to be true to have a husband fall into her lap.
“I cannot countenance such a thing,” Mrs. Heatherington said. “My matches come from careful consideration and selection. This could ruin my business.”
Nellie turned and looked at the older woman. “I do apologize. Fortunately for you, your business had nothing to do with this match. You’d already told Mr. Jeffries that you can’t help him. I hadn’t yet put in my application with you. Therefore, you aren’t liable for anything that happens between us. We are merely two parties who happened to meet at your place of business and came to an agreement on our own. Thank you for allowing us to have this conversation in your parlor. We shan’t trouble you further. Good day to you, Mrs. Heatherington. I appreciate your thoughtful contributions to this matter.”
“You would really marry a stranger?” Mrs. Heatherington looked shocked, like she’d never heard such a thing.
“How is this any different from what you do?” Nellie stared at the woman for a moment.
Mrs. Heatherington met her gaze. “I have a long questionnaire that I use to determine whether or not a couple is suited for one another. I compare their likes, interests, temperament and values, and bring together compatible people to share each other’s lives. But you’re right. You made this decision on your own. As long as you do not hold me responsible, then I suppose I have nothing more to say on the matter.”
Mr. Jeffries stepped forward. “Thank you for your time, Mrs. Heatherington. I greatly appreciate the careful thought and consideration you gave to my situation. I can see that you care deeply for doing right by your clients, and even by strangers. It’s commendable, and though we did not use your services, I will always speak very highly of you and your business.”
Then Mr. Jeffries held his hand out to Nellie. “I believe there is a restaurant down the street. Will you join me for an early supper so we can discuss the terms of our marriage?”
Leaving Mrs. Heatherington looking rather like she’d been through a terrible, unexpected storm, Nellie took his arm and exited the building.
The air was crisp, and the scent of burning wood from people’s fireplaces, along with the unmistakable heavy clouds in the distance, told her that deep winter would soon be upon them. All the better to have this matter settled so quickly and easily, then. A few more weeks, days even, and the weather might have made things more difficult.
Once they’d gotten about halfway down the block, Nellie looked up at Mr. Jeffries. The previous scene echoed in her mind like a strange dream. And though it seemed completely out of place, Nellie chuckled softly.
Mr. Jeffries stared at her. “What’s so funny?”
“Did you see the look on Mrs. Heatherington’s face? I thought she was going to die of apoplexy. What kind of person marries a complete stranger?”
She shook her head, marveling at herself. Nellie wasn’t normally so quick in her decisions, but as she’d heard Mr. Jeffries pleading his case with the woman, she knew she had to help him. Who could refuse a man who needed that kind of help?
Besides, she needed his help, as well.
“Us, I suppose.” Then Mr. Jeffries frowned, making him look considerably older than he seemed to be. His blond hair held no flecks of gray, and his face was unmarred by wrinkles. A young man, bearing the burden of a much older one. “That seems incredibly irresponsible, doesn’t it?” Then he sighed. “I don’t know what else to do. It’s been so hard since my wife died, and I’m out of options. I’ve been told I have good instincts for people, and I feel like I can trust you. Plus, it seems as though we are of similar mind, which seems the same as the shared values Mrs. Heatherington spoke of. I must admit, though, what interested me the most in you was your happiness about the children. You don’t mind not having children of your own?”
There was no judgment in Mr. Jeffries’s words. Too many people saw Nellie’s childless state and treated her as though she had some kind of defect.
“I cannot have children,” she said quietly. Shame ate at the pit of her stomach at the admission. Her lack of fertility was one of the reasons Ernest had been disappointed in her as a wife. She hadn’t been able to give him the son he’d wanted, and for that he’d made sure she was punished.
Mr. Jeffries slipped his hand into hers. “Then you shall gain three,” he said, giving her hand a squeeze. “Ruby is ten, Amos is seven, and Maeve is two.”
Tears filled Nellie’s eyes. Mr. Jeffries hadn’t hesitated when she admitted her infertility. Though she had spent her whole life wanting nothing more than to be someone’s mother, she’d always considered it a blessing that she and Ernest had never had children. She couldn’t imagine submitting a child to his cruelty.
Some might think her foolish for wanting another husband, considering how Ernest had treated her, but Nellie had to hope that this time she had chosen better. When she’d married Ernest, she hadn’t yet learned to recognize the cruel glint of a man’s eyes that said he cared only for himself. She hadn’t known the reddish tinge to the end of a man’s nose and the sour smell that came with the overfondness of drink. Back then, Nellie loved the flowery phrases used to beguile because she thought them romantic, not realizing that poetry held little truth and deception was easily hidden behind pretty words.
There was comfort in Mr. Jeffries’s frank speech. He held no air of pretense, and there was no sign in him of the kind of man she’d learned to fear. She’d been honest when she’d told Mrs. Heatherington that a woman like her could not get by without the protection of a husband.
Before she’d come to Colorado, she’d found more than her share of challenges simply because she was a woman alone. People wanted to deal with her husband or her father, not a young widow. Marriage offered her the chance to live without having to continually justify her situation.
But as she looked up at Mr. Jeffries and his gentle gaze, she wondered if he’d have much sympathy if he knew her full story. Knew the horror her marriage had been the last few months, and what Ernest had done. One would think that his death would have brought her freedom, but...
Nellie shook her head. She was free now. In a new part of the country, with a new last name, thanks to her soon-to-be husband, they wouldn’t be able to find her. A man’s debts weren’t supposed to pass on to his wife. Then again, most men didn’t sell their wives to cover their debts. Slavery might have been abolished, but it didn’t stop men from making backroom deals to hand over their wives for financial compensation.
Married to a man who’d had no part in the arrangement, Nellie would be protected from them coming after her. She’d run away when Ernest died, but they’d found her at her sister’s and dragged her back to the horrible place they’d been keeping her.
Where she’d seen cruelty in the faces of other men, she saw a kindness in Mr. Jeffries, a gentleness, and a deep sadness at having lost his wife. She didn’t expect him to love her in that way, but knowing that this man had a heart made it seem safer somehow to trust him. Even though there was still so much to learn about him.
Glancing up at Mr. Jeffries, she smiled. “Since we’re to be married, might I trouble you for your name? I heard Mrs. Heatherington refer to you as Mr. Jeffries, but we should discuss what I am to call you.”
“Luke.” He smiled back at her and squeezed her hand. “And I hope you will allow me to call you Nellie.”
“Of course.” She returned his smile, though part of her wished she hadn’t made the effort. Luke had a pleasantness of manner, and the way he looked at her almost made her feel like a schoolgirl.
But she’d long ago lost any of those schoolgirl dreams.
Nellie hated the thought that she needed a man. But the police only shook their heads pityingly and told her they couldn’t help her when she’d gone to them to escape the men who’d bought her.
“Go to your husband or father,” they’d said. What was a woman without either to do? Especially since one of the men Ernest sold her to had claimed he was her father, and at that point no one would listen to her story. A father had the right to do what he wanted with his errant daughter. A husband could force his wife into unspeakable things, and no one would lift a hand to help her. Nellie’s only chance was to find a good man who would give her the protection of his name.
As they crossed the street and headed toward the restaurant Nellie remembered passing on the way here, she stole a glance at Luke. He didn’t seem the sort to hurt a woman. Though Mrs. Heatherington’s words might have provoked a lesser man, he’d remained calm and polite, and Nellie hadn’t seen any signs of a temper.
Still, when she found herself seated across from Luke at a table, she had to wonder whether she could really trust him. He’d been a man looking to get what he wanted; therefore, he’d shown only his most pleasing side.
When the waiter came and poured her a cup of tea, Nellie couldn’t help herself.
“What do you think of the roast beef?” she asked, pointing at the menu but leaning forward enough to spill the tea. All over Luke.
“Oh!” He jumped, but his gaze immediately went to Nellie. “You didn’t burn yourself, did you?”
She stared at him for a moment. She’d spilled the tea on him. On purpose. Well, not so he would know she’d done it on purpose. But when she’d accidentally spilled things at home, Ernest would yell at her, call her obscene names, and sometimes...
Nellie shook her head. “No. I’m terribly sorry. I was so engrossed in the menu, I’d forgotten the tea was there. I didn’t mean to be so careless.”
Kind eyes looked back at her. “Accidents happen. You’ll find, in a house full of children, we have our share of spills.” He dabbed at the mess with his napkin. “And it’s only tea. Easy enough to get out in the wash.”
The waiter rushed over with more tea and napkins.
“I do apologize,” Nellie told him. “I’m usually not so clumsy.”
With a smile, the waiter said, “It’s all right, miss. Happens all the time.”
“That’s just what I was telling her.” Luke sent another warm look her way. “I believe she’s a little nervous, as she’s just accepted my proposal of marriage.”
A broad smile lit up the waiter’s face. “Congratulations to you both.”
“Thank you,” Nellie said, feeling some of the heaviness leave her chest.
As soon as the waiter left, Luke leaned in. “I hope it’s all right that I said that. It occurred to me that you might be nervous about marrying me, which accounts for your accident. I know we’re strangers, but I hope that over the next couple of days, you can get to know me and feel more comfortable with your decision.”
His words already made her feel better about marrying him. After all, Ernest had wooed her with sweet words about her beauty and how much he loved her. Luke was more focused on making her feel at ease with him and the situation. Nellie couldn’t recall a time when Ernest had done the same. Even in public, he would have said something to belittle her.
“I appreciate that,” she said, smiling. “I hope I can do the same for you.”
He nodded slowly. “I just need to know you’ll be good to my children. Love them like your own. Keep the household running smoothly.”
Luke paused, looking around the room before bringing his attention back to her. “And I hope it’s not too much to ask, but I would dearly love a clean house. I hate to speak ill of the dead, but Diana was not much of a housekeeper.”
For a moment, Nellie looked at him, unsure what to make of the twinkle in his blue eyes. “What do you mean by not much of a housekeeper? My late husband was most particular, and I—”
Nellie gave an involuntary shudder, hating the memories that came to her, unbidden.
Luke leaned forward and placed his hands over hers. “We’ll come to an agreement, don’t you worry. I learned to do the dishes Diana left in the sink because she’d gotten carried away with visiting her friends, and I imagine if you can’t do things to my liking, I can do it myself. That’s what marriage is about. Finding ways to compromise and figuring out what’s most important.”
He gave her hands a squeeze, then leaned back in his chair. “The world didn’t end because the dishes didn’t get done in a timely manner. And now that Diana’s gone, I’m grateful her friends got that extra time with her. When you lose someone you love, you figure out that the battle you thought worth fighting shouldn’t have been fought at all. I’d do the dishes every single day if it meant having her back.”
With a slight shake of his head, Luke continued. “No disrespect to you, of course. I’m just saying that you don’t have to bend over backward to please me. All I ask is you do your best, and I promise to do the same for you.”
Tears filled Nellie’s eyes. She’d thought herself immune to a man’s sweet words. But these words held a different kind of sweetness—the hope that not all men were monsters. And perhaps even an answer to all the prayers she’d said on this journey. That she’d find someone who would be kind to her.
Chapter Two (#u3d7f5c88-2cb3-55cc-93f4-dfa2f100e961)
When they’d finished their meal, Luke escorted Nellie across town to the hotel where she’d been staying. Because she was a woman traveling alone, the respectable establishments had turned her away. Too many women of ill repute came under the guise of being a widow. Luke glanced at Nellie as she avoided a puddle. He couldn’t imagine anyone thinking so poorly of her, a genteel woman who’d clearly hit on hard times. The place she’d found was not in the best part of town, and Luke would feel better having her in his own hotel—in separate rooms, of course.
Though their conversation over dinner had turned to easier topics, Luke couldn’t get Nellie’s earlier reactions out of his head. She acted almost afraid, like she thought he might hurt her. He’d answered her questions about the house and the children, his expectations thereof. Almost like a job interview. But not.
Underlying it all was the tension of knowing he would be married to this woman, sharing his life with her. He and Diana had not spoken of these things prior to marriage. They’d flirted, talked about the weather, and when her parents weren’t looking, stolen a few kisses.
In his head, he’d firmly told himself he would not be kissing Nellie McClain. But every once in a while, he found his mind drifting.
Like now. Luke shook his head. “I’m sorry, could you please repeat that? I got distracted.”
“I was asking how you discipline the children.”
Luke followed her gaze to the entrance of a store, where a mother stood, scolding her child harshly. Even at a distance, Luke could see the fury in the woman’s eyes, her face red, as the child practically cowered before her. The little boy looked to be slightly older than his youngest, Maeve, and he seemed too young to have done anything so terrible.
Luke took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He hadn’t given his expectations of discipline much thought, but now that Nellie was asking, he realized he should have. How could he have thought to bring a woman into their lives without knowing how she’d treat them?
“I know conventional wisdom is that to spare the rod is to spoil the child, but I don’t believe in striking a child. I don’t know what that child did, and it’s not my place to judge, so perhaps I shouldn’t say anything, but I prefer to use other methods with my own children.” He glanced in the direction of the mother and child as they continued on their way.
Nellie nodded. “I agree with you on that. Corporal punishment only serves to create fear, and I wish for the children to learn about love.”
Clearly they agreed on parenting, but the tone in Nellie’s voice made Luke wonder if there wasn’t more to her words than what she was saying. Once again, Luke found himself wanting to ask Nellie more personal questions, to learn about this fear that seemed to be lurking underneath. Because she was afraid. What had her husband been like? Something deep inside Luke told him that he’d hurt her. Badly.
“You never said—how did your husband die?”
He watched as Nellie drew in a breath that caused her shoulders to shake slightly. How easily he’d strayed to a personal subject, even though he’d been doing his best not to.
“I’m sorry,” Luke said. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
She shook her head. “It’s all right. If we’re to be married, we should be able to answer one another’s questions.”
Looking as though she had to steel herself for the topic, Nellie straightened. “He was shot in a saloon for cheating at cards.”
What kind of man would do that to his wife? Luke’s stomach churned. “That must have been difficult for you. I’m sorry for your loss.”
“I’m not,” Nellie said quietly. “I didn’t approve of his lifestyle, and it caused me nothing but grief. Which is why I apologize if any of my questions seem impertinent, but had I known certain things about Ernest beforehand, I would have never married him.”
None of the reasons Luke previously had for wanting to marry Nellie seemed to matter now. Next to him was a deeply wounded woman, and his heart cried out for her. He wanted to help her. To heal her. He couldn’t give her his love, no, that would be too much for him. But he would show her that the things she hinted at, the things that lay beneath the surface of every line on her face, they were not true of every man.
“You can ask me all you want. I promise to give honest answers.” Luke sighed. “Though I suppose if your late husband cheated at cards, you probably have no reason to believe me.”
A tiny smile turned the corners of Nellie’s lips. “I’ve gotten good at telling when a man is lying. And I believe you.”
“Thank you.” Luke wasn’t sure why it mattered so much, but it felt good to know Nellie believed him.
“Might I ask how your wife died?”
He should have expected the question, but her words were like a shotgun blast to the chest.
Fighting the nausea that always came when he spoke of it, Luke took a deep breath as he looked at Nellie.
“She was serving with the church ministry to the miners. There was an explosion at the mine, and she was killed by falling rocks.” He shook his head, trying to banish the image of his wife’s lifeless body.
Nellie gave his arm a squeeze. “I’m so sorry for your loss. I heard you say at Mrs. Heatherington’s that you are angry with the church because of her death. I can understand why.”
“Thank you. I shouldn’t be bitter, but it’s hard. And it’s even harder walking through those doors and having everyone try to make up for something that can never be replaced. They say what I suppose are all the right things, but nothing can be said to erase the pain in my heart. All their words about God’s love—if God loved us so much, why would He have taken her from us?”
His voice shook as it always did when he spoke of Diana’s death, and Luke looked away, but Nellie held his arm tight. Hopefully she wouldn’t question him further on the topic or try to convince him that he needed to let go of his grief. People didn’t understand. He couldn’t... He just couldn’t.
It seemed wrong to talk about his late wife to the woman who would soon be his next wife. Especially when he knew that he would never be able to share the kind of love with Nellie that he had once had with Diana.
Even now, he couldn’t help but hate himself a little at the thought of marrying so soon after Diana’s death. It seemed an insult to her memory. But what other choice did he have?
Nellie gave his arm another squeeze. He was grateful for the convention of her taking his arm to be escorted through town, even if she held him a little too tight to be acceptable. Though he normally didn’t enjoy the comfort others offered, the genuine compassion Nellie showed him felt almost like a lifeline.
“Grief is a personal thing,” she said. “You need to mourn your wife in the way that is best for you. Sometimes I feel guilty for not mourning my husband, but that is my burden. I respect your need to deal with your wife’s death in your own way.”
He turned his attention back to her, noticing the tenderness in her eyes. Her response confirmed his belief that marrying Nellie was the right thing to do. Luke was tired of everyone telling him how to act after his loss. None of them knew what he was feeling. Even Pastor Lassiter, who had lost his own wife years ago, could not possibly understand the unbearable weight in Luke’s heart. Nellie was the first person who didn’t pretend to know what he was going through.
“Thank you,” he said. “I appreciate your understanding. I won’t ask the details of your marriage. I suspect you were not as blessed as I was, and for that I am truly sorry. Your late husband was a fool. Which is a pity, because even in the brief time I have known you, I can see that you are a wise and loving woman who deserved better.”
Luke placed his free hand over hers and gave her a squeeze. It felt nice to have another loving human touch that asked nothing of him and only sought to give.
A hint of pink tinged her cheeks, and she looked away briefly.
“Don’t do that,” Luke said. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I know there is not love between us, at least not the romantic kind. But even now, I care for you as a friend. As your friend, I don’t judge you for your lack of grief. Instead, I praise you for finding the strength to carry on and being willing to open your heart to me and my family.”
With a gentle smile, Nellie turned her attention back to him. “I consider you a friend, as well. Thank you for understanding my situation and being willing to accept what I have to give.”
“No thanks are needed. After all, you are doing me just as great a service. I believe we will get on together well.”
* * *
If Nellie needed any other convincing that marrying Luke was the right thing to do, this conversation had done the trick. He was a man with a good, loving heart. Luke deeply grieved his wife, and for that Nellie was thankful. It seemed odd to be thankful for a man’s grief, but it was an indication that he cared for others. What Nellie needed most was someone with strong compassion, someone who had the capability to love.
Not that Nellie desired love for herself, but if a man could love, he could be kind. In fact, it was a relief to know that Luke had buried his heart with his wife. He’d already loved someone, which meant he wouldn’t be falling in love with Nellie, and there would be no danger of her falling in love with him. A perfect match.
Or at least as perfect as Nellie could expect from a stranger. She could hear her mother’s voice in the back of her head, cautioning her that a man who didn’t love the Lord with all his heart was no man at all. But what did she know of Luke’s heart? Or of any man’s heart, for that matter? In the early years of their marriage, Ernest had been a churchgoing man, respected in their community. It wasn’t until the drinking and gambling had gotten out of hand that things started falling apart.
She should count it a blessing that Luke was honest about his relationship with God.
If only it wasn’t for the sinking feeling in her stomach telling her she shouldn’t settle for so little.
Nellie fought the urge to laugh at such ridiculousness. So little? She’d been offered the world with her first marriage. Everyone thought she’d done so well in marrying Ernest McClain. Look where that had gotten her.
Which left her here, walking through town with a stranger willing to marry her, because like Nellie, he was out of options. And as if Nellie needed any other reminders, they walked past a house of ill repute. Though it was too cold out for the ladies to be sitting on the porch, beckoning men to sample their wares, it was obvious they were inside, waiting.
Nellie shuddered. She’d been kept in a place like that. And she was never going back.
Luke pulled her closer to him. “I’m sorry we have to go past those places. You’ll find we have similar parts of town in Leadville, but our home is in a decent area where you won’t be bothered by the likes of them.”
Closing her eyes briefly, Nellie sent a silent prayer, thanking God for a husband who wanted a marriage in name only, but also asking Him to help keep her secret. She hadn’t been in that place willingly, but most people didn’t seem to understand that.
“On to more pleasant things,” Luke said, patting her hand. “How do you envision our wedding?”
As Nellie smiled back, she was grateful for the way Luke took her feelings into consideration. Though her late mother would have argued that Luke’s estrangement from the church was a large matter, each of these small kindnesses he continued showing her added up to be far more than any measurement Nellie could have given. Even before things got bad, Ernest had never been so considerate of Nellie. Her world had revolved around pleasing him—or facing the consequences.
Just because Luke struggled with his faith didn’t mean Nellie had to give up hers. Besides, it wasn’t as though she’d been a regular churchgoer herself. Ernest had forbidden her from going after they threw him out for showing up to service drunk, and Nellie had learned to observe her faith in her own quiet way.
Nothing would change in her faith if she married Luke.
Except she’d promised herself that when she finally found freedom, she’d throw herself into a church community and participate in every activity that had been denied her so long.
Would he make her break that promise?
“You do still want to marry me,” Luke said, looking down at her, “don’t you?”
Nellie met his gaze. “Of course I do. I was just thinking...”
Did she dare ask him about her reservations? They’d talked about everything else, and her faith was no small thing.
But she’d seen the flash in his eyes when he spoke of his anger at God. Everything else she’d done to test his character, to see if she could push him into the kind of rage she’d seen in Ernest...was it all to be for nothing if she didn’t pursue his potentially negative feelings now?
“I was just thinking about God. And church,” Nellie said firmly, looking him in the eye. They had paused in front of a church, and Nellie took that as a sign that they needed to have this conversation.
Luke didn’t flinch. “You’re worried my anger at God would prevent you from going?”
Nellie seemed hardly able to draw a breath. It was as though he could read her thoughts.
She nodded slowly, her eyes searching his, looking for a hint of the rage she so feared. Had she provoked him this time? Better now than after the wedding, when she wouldn’t be able to undo her mistake.
If marrying Luke was a mistake, she’d figure that out before they went through with it. Never again would she endure the pain she’d suffered during her marriage to Ernest. The coins she’d sewn in the waistband of her skirt and hidden in the toe of her shoe didn’t amount to much, but it would give her enough. Nellie had learned a few tricks of her own from Earnest’s vile friends. Never put all your coins in one place. She would always be able to escape.
If Luke revealed a temper, best to end things now.
“My quarrel is with God alone,” Luke said slowly. “I do not fault others for not sharing my anger. I would not ask anyone to bear the burden I carry. You’re free to worship as you choose.” His face darkened slightly as he took a deep breath. “Though I would ask it not include me. Save your sermons and conversion speeches for those who need it. I am not among them.”
As Nellie searched his expression, she could find no hint of violence, no sign that he would hurt her if she disobeyed him.
“All right,” she said quietly. “I can agree to that.”
Luke let out a long sigh as he turned toward the church. “I suppose you’ll want a church wedding.”
“No,” Nellie said. “I would be happy visiting a justice of the peace. But there is your family to consider. What would be best for them?”
Luke frowned, as if he had already thought that far ahead and was troubled by the answer. “I don’t know. Ruby will be angry, because she feels as though she has taken her mother’s place. I told her I was considering taking another wife, and she doesn’t believe it’s necessary. She thinks she is running the household just fine.”
As Luke shook his head, Nellie gave his arm another squeeze. It seemed slightly inappropriate that they were behaving in so familiar a manner so soon. Yet Nellie found great comfort in a man’s gentle touch, a touch void of violence and with no expectation other than that of being a friend.
“Ruby is but a child. It’s not right to ask her to give up her childhood. She disagrees, but that belief comes from a child’s mind. The others...” Luke shook his head again. “Amos seems content enough. He fights with his sister because he doesn’t like her bossing him around. And he has a point. She oversteps, but there is no one else to be in that place. I keep thinking if they had a mother, they could return to being siblings, and maybe even friends.”
Luke looked at her and smiled. “Maeve is a delight. Sometimes it’s frustrating that she has no memory of her mother. But she needs one, desperately. She needs a woman’s gentle touch. A grown woman, not her sister, because a sister is not like a mother, and Maeve needs both.”
Clearly Luke had given this matter a great deal of thought. He cared for his children and wanted only the very best for them. Though Nellie’s reasons for marrying him were selfish, she could at least do some good here.
“I’m grateful to be allowed the chance to give your children the mother they need. It won’t be easy, because I’m sure the older two miss their mother dearly. But I hope you’ll aid me in keeping her memory alive for them and letting them know that a person’s heart is big enough to allow two mothers to love a child.”
“That is exactly how I feel,” Luke said. “But my children will take some convincing. Which is why I like your idea of simply going to see the justice of the peace. I don’t have any family to invite to a wedding, other than the children. I think the gesture will be lost on them.”
Then he turned his gaze to her, his face full of thoughts she hadn’t yet learned how to decipher.
“What about your family? Will they be disappointed at you not having a wedding?”
With a sigh, Nellie thought briefly about her sister. “My parents are dead. All I have is my sister, Mabel. But she is too far away to come for a wedding, and after my last marriage, I can’t see her appreciating our circumstances.”
That, and letting Mabel know where to find Nellie could put Mabel’s family in danger. When Nellie had gone to Mabel for help after Ernest’s death, Ernest’s men told Mabel that if she ever helped Nellie again, they would harm Mabel’s family. Given that they had already burned down Mabel’s barn, Nellie knew these were not idle threats. When Nellie escaped to come West, she promised herself that she would never again put her sister at risk. Though Nellie longed to see her sister again, she had no idea whether or not those men would go back to Mabel looking for Nellie. If Mabel knew nothing, she would be safe.
“If she ever wants to visit, your sister would be most welcome. Once our family is firmly established, perhaps we can go see her.”
Tears filled Nellie’s eyes. It seemed like such a small gesture, yet Luke’s willingness to include her family was almost a dream come true. Ernest had discouraged Nellie from spending much time with her sister. Even though they lived in nearby neighborhoods in St. Louis, Ernest always found excuses for the families not to get together. Granted, Mabel lived on a farm at the edge of town, but it was an easy ride and not too difficult a walk to the neighborhood where Nellie had lived.
Once again, Luke gave Nellie a tender look. “I know how hard it is to be so far from family. Even worse when your family does not understand your choices. Neither of our families approved when Diana and I chose to move West. But it was what we had to do.”
Luke appeared lost in memories of Diana for a moment. Nellie was struck again by the deep love Luke had for his late wife. But this wasn’t just about what Luke had lost. It was about how much more he was still willing to give.
“So it’s settled, then,” Nellie said, smiling at him, turning her back on the quaint little church. “We shall visit the justice of the peace and be married. Then we can return to your home with me as your wife, and I will care for your children.”
Luke looked at her. “Is it really that simple?”
“It does seem odd, doesn’t it?”
Though many people would make the argument that Luke and Nellie didn’t know each other nearly long enough to marry, sometimes time wasn’t what was needed. Ernest had courted Nellie for nearly a year, yet she hadn’t known all the reasons not to marry him. In these few short hours of knowing Luke, Nellie had never been more certain of a person’s character. With their hasty marriage, it gave Nellie a way to hide, but also a second chance at a life she’d always dreamed of living—that of a wife and mother.
When Nellie had come up with her plan, she felt guilty at the thought of attaching herself to a man who might someday fall in love with her. The place in her heart that allowed a person to fall in love was so firmly locked tight, it would never open. But with Luke, she had no reason to feel guilty. His heart was in no danger of becoming entangled with hers.
Briefly, Nellie thought about the men who were after her. She’d done so much to protect Mabel. Though Nellie was reasonably certain that they would leave her alone if she was married, part of her wondered, was she putting Luke and his children in danger?
Nellie shook her head. She hadn’t come straight to Denver from St. Louis. She’d traveled to several places looking for a fresh start. And then she’d seen it. The ad for Mrs. Heatherington’s Matchmaking Service. She’d liked Mrs. Heatherington’s descriptions of mail-order matches gone wrong. It was easy enough to lie over letters, claiming to be of greater beauty than one had, to possess qualities or characteristics that didn’t exist, and to so completely miserably represent oneself as to be perpetuating a lie. It had given Nellie comfort to think that someone would examine a potential match and weed out men who would not be a good choice.
And so, Nellie had boarded the train to Denver. She’d been careful in all her journeys, giving false names, wearing clothes that would make her appear completely unremarkable and even going so far as to purchase tickets under her own name for destinations she had no intention of ever visiting. Yes, it had cost her nearly all that remained of the meager funds she’d squirreled away and hidden in the hollow of a tree at the back of her former property. The house had to be sold once Ernest died. Or at least that was what the men had told her. When she’d finally escaped, the house appeared unoccupied. But she knew they would look for her there. However, the money had still been where she’d hidden it. So she’d taken her money and run.
None of the men would suspect that Nellie had the means for so much travel. But she’d been careful anyway. There was no reason she should ever be found.
Luke took a step forward. “We need to continue on,” he said. “I’m not very familiar with Denver, and I have no idea where we would go to be married. If we were in Leadville, I suppose I should ask Pastor Lassiter to marry us. But I cannot, will not, bring myself to ask for his help. I know he wants to, and I know he means well. Many say that he genuinely cares about my circumstances. But I also can’t help but wonder if he’s trying to help me out of his own feelings of guilt. He made the decision to send the ladies to the mine to serve the miners.”
Nellie squeezed his arm and smiled. “I do not know the man, so I cannot say. I hope you don’t mind, but I believe I will leave my judgment of the pastor until I have met him myself. I know you are not comfortable with the church, but it would be good for the children if you allowed me to bring them.”
A sad smile found its way onto Luke’s face. “Of course. I have been neglecting their spiritual education. Diana’s friends have asked me if I might allow them to bring the children to church.”
Luke’s shoulders sagged as he shook his head. “I know my children need to go to church. But if I allow them to go, people will see that their clothes need mending, and though I am not ashamed of my children, they will feel compelled to once again step in and help me. I cannot bear such a thing. I don’t want to hear how my home needs a woman’s touch. Or that this is no life for a child. I don’t want people questioning my decisions, telling me how I ought to be raising my children. Nor do I want their charity. Most of all, I cannot bear the weight of any more of their pity.”
How interesting that Luke was a man of such pride. Though pride was a sin, and Nellie often thought it to be a terrible flaw in a man, something about the wounds in Luke’s pride made Nellie want to hold him tight and tell him everything would be all right. Unlike Ernest, who had reacted with his fists when his pride was wounded, Luke seemed to withdraw into the shame and do everything he could to make things right on his own.
None of this was Luke’s fault. He’d lost his wife, and in some ways, lost his way. The grief would have to be worked out on its own. But Nellie could help with the other things. Their home would once again have a woman’s touch. The children would go back to wearing clean, neat clothing. They would be well fed and well kept, and everyone who saw them would see that the Jeffries family was doing very well indeed.
“You don’t have to bear that weight alone. I promise to do my very best to make sure there is no reason for such pity to be bestowed upon us. In the eyes of everyone else, you are moving on with your life. You’ve given your children a mother to care for them, and I promise to take that duty seriously.”
Luke let out a long sigh as they crossed the street. “Do you know how frustrating it is to be mad at God, to be so angry with Him, and yet want to thank Him for how wonderfully He is arranging matters for your family?” Then Luke shook his head again. “But if it were not for God taking my wife away from me, He would not need to be providing for us now. So how am I supposed to feel? It is still God’s fault that all of this has happened to us. I am still so angry, so hurt, and it seems almost an insult that He’s choosing to remember our family now.”
Anger vibrated out from Luke’s body. Of all the men she’d known with the right to be angry, Luke had the greatest. But in his expression of anger, he did not raise his voice. He did not get violent. Rather, he seemed to be filled with such a profound sadness that only the weight of his bones was keeping him upright.
“I can’t pretend to understand your level of anger at God. But I agree with you—it seems terribly unfair. I won’t always understand how your children feel, but I will offer to them the same compassion I’m giving to you.”
Luke nodded slowly. “I have never known such compassion. You do not understand what a gift it is to be allowed to feel what you feel. You’re the only person who hasn’t tried talking me out of my anger at God. I suppose some might see that as a lack of faith. But I think you know that this is between me and God. It is something I must work out on my own.”
He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. Gently. Not like a lover’s kiss, or even that of a dashing suitor. But something that reminded her of the warm kiss of her sister’s greetings. Comforting. Safe.
“Thank you,” Luke said. “Most of the time, I feel as though I am suffocating from the weight of all that I must deal with. Everyone wants to take it away and make it disappear, but it’s not that simple. You seem to know that. Instead, you are offering me a lifeline, choosing to walk alongside me and giving me what I need without lectures or judgment.”
“I am not one to judge,” Nellie said quietly. After all, hadn’t she done many things others would judge her for? Even as she stole a glance at the man who was to be her husband, her stomach churned at the thought of him finding out all of her secrets. Though she reminded herself that he’d been firm in saying he wanted a marriage in name only, the uneasy feeling didn’t go away. There was no reason for him to know everything.
But as they passed another place that looked a little too much like where Ernest’s creditors had kept her, Nellie couldn’t help but think herself a terrible person for hiding so much from him.
Chapter Three (#u3d7f5c88-2cb3-55cc-93f4-dfa2f100e961)
They took the train to Leadville a couple days later, man and wife. Such an odd thing, how quickly it had all happened. Just a few days ago he’d been a total stranger. But wasn’t that what they’d both sought? Mail-order spouses were also strangers, and Nellie would like to think that at least she and Luke had come to respect one another prior to their marriage.
Had she made the right decision? Nellie stole a glance at Luke, who seemed to be engrossed in reading his paper. Was he really the kind man she thought him to be, or had she misinterpreted the situation? Nellie pressed her hand against the waistband of her dress, where she’d sewn her coins. Though some had told her to sew money into the hem of her skirt, it was more comforting to be able to feel her money close to her. As she wiggled her toes, she felt the other coins, a secondary source of protection. If Luke was not as he seemed, she at least had enough for train fare. Where she would go, she did not know. But at least this time, she had a way out.
Was it wrong for her to have a plan in case things didn’t work out the way they’d hoped? Most people didn’t get married with such a plan. But most people hadn’t been married to Ernest.
Luke patted her leg. Then he pointed out the window. “Look! Leadville is just ahead.”
He craned forward, and if he could have stuck his head out the window, he probably would have. For the first time since they’d gotten on the train, a wide smile filled his face. Though she’d always believed in the saying “Handsome is as handsome does,” she couldn’t help but think he looked handsome, with his blond hair, blue eyes and infectious smile. Fortunately, his looks were not nearly as important as the other things that had drawn her to him. She knew better than to be swayed by a pleasant smile.
“I’m so excited for you to meet the children. I can’t believe I’ve been gone so long. Until this trip to Denver, I haven’t been away from them overnight.” With a sigh, Luke shook his head. “At least not since Diana died. Before she died, before we came to Leadville, I was often away, trying to find work to support my family. This job in Leadville gave me the chance to come home to my family every night. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to see my children every day.”
This man couldn’t possibly be a charlatan. Nellie smoothed the top of her bodice over her skirt, grateful the material was thick enough to hide the outlines of the coins. Hopefully she would never have to use them. Funny how life turned out. The whole reason she’d been saving this money to begin with had been to leave Ernest. But she hadn’t gotten the chance before he’d sold her. And then he died.
At least now, Nellie knew how little she could survive on. If things with Luke got bad, she wouldn’t stay as long as she had with Ernest. But as Luke waved out the window at a woman standing with three children, Nellie prayed she would never have to leave. Watching the mutual delight on the faces of father and children, part of her felt as though she’d finally come home.
“I assume those are your children there,” she said. “Who is the woman with them?”
Luke turned to Nellie. “That’s Myrna Fitzgerald, our neighbor. Her daughter, Ellen, was good friends with Diana. Ellen was injured in the mine accident. I suppose it sounds odd, but I feel more comfortable asking the Fitzgeralds for help, considering they, too, suffered. Myrna’s husband, Seamus, is my boss. In many ways, the Fitzgeralds are like a surrogate family. Our daughter Maeve is named for Myrna, whose middle name is Maeve. She assisted Diana greatly when we first came here.”
Then Luke let out a long sigh as he gestured for Nellie to stand. “I hope it doesn’t make me sound ungrateful, not letting them do more. They often ask, but they have their own family, their own lives. I do not wish to impose. Still, I hope you will look to them as friends. They’ve been in Leadville for a long time and can teach you much of what you need to know.”
As Nellie stood, she smiled up at him. “I will be grateful for their assistance. But don’t worry, I also don’t like to overstay my welcome. I’m sure it will all work out just fine.”
Though lines still creased Luke’s forehead, he smiled and nodded. “I’m glad. Seamus thought me foolish in my pursuit of a mail-order bride. The Fitzgeralds want me to find love again, but they don’t understand. No one does.”
Nellie grasped Luke’s hand and squeezed. “It’s all right. None of that matters now. You don’t need to feel the pressure of trying to attain something that is not possible. We know where we stand with each other, and it’s enough.”
But as they exited the train, and Luke let go of her hand before they came into view of his family, insecurity thrummed at her insides. Of course he wouldn’t want his family to see him holding a strange woman’s hand. It was ridiculous of her to worry about such a small gesture. And yet, losing the warmth of his touch made Nellie feel more alone than she could have imagined.
She fell in step behind him, noting his quick pace. Indeed, the closer he came to his family, the lighter his steps seemed to be.
Nellie watched as Luke scooped up a little girl into his arms. That must be Maeve. Two other children, presumably Ruby and Amos, wrapped their arms around him. Contentment filled Nellie as she saw the genuine affection between father and children. A man who raised his fists to others could not possibly incite such warmth upon his return.
After a few minutes, Luke released the older children and shifted Maeve to his hip. “Thank you,” he said to Mrs. Fitzgerald. “My trip was a success.”
Then Luke stepped aside and, for the first time, gestured toward Nellie. “There is someone I would like you to meet.”
“I told you we didn’t need a nanny.” Ruby stamped her foot and glared at Nellie.
“She’s not a nanny,” Luke said. “This is my wife, Nellie.”
The two older children frowned, and Maeve merely looked confused. Nellie stepped forward, trying to quell the butterflies in her stomach as she smoothed her bodice over her skirt once more.
“It is a pleasure to meet you. Your father has told me many wonderful things about you. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.”
Ruby’s scowl deepened. Her glare burned hotter than any fire Nellie had ever seen. “I can’t say the same for you,” she said. “I know I’m supposed to be polite, but it’s even more wrong to lie. We don’t want you here. We don’t need you here. It would be better for all of us if you just got back on the train and went home.”
A child’s words weren’t supposed to sting, and Nellie should have been prepared for the immediate rejection. But something cold twisted in Nellie’s insides at the way Ruby looked at her.
“Ruby!” Luke admonished his daughter. “Nellie is my wife. She’s not going anywhere. And I will not have you talking to her like that. She’s a fine woman and will take good care of you all. This is for the benefit of our family.”
“Have you forgotten Mama? How could you try to replace her?” Tears filled Ruby’s eyes as she stepped right up to Nellie. “I hate you, and you will never be my mother.”
Before Nellie could answer, Ruby turned and ran through the crowd. She should have known this wasn’t going to be easy. Nellie took a step forward, but Luke held out his free hand. “No,” he said. “I should go.”
He held out Maeve to Nellie. “Maevey, Papa will be back soon. Be a good girl for Nellie.”
As Nellie took the little girl, Luke turned his attention to Amos. “Please be good for Nellie.”
The little boy nodded but did not speak.
“Myrna, could you please show Nellie to our house? Help her get settled?”
With a sigh, Luke turned his attention to Nellie. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know she would react this way. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
Before either Nellie or Mrs. Fitzgerald could answer, Luke was gone. Nellie didn’t blame him. The worry for his daughter’s safety was written all over his face. Though many of the new arrivals on the train had already left the station, several people still milled about, and this was no place for a child on her own. Even one who thought she was an adult.
“Well,” Mrs. Fitzgerald said. “Isn’t this a fine pickle we’re all in?”
“I’m so sorry for the trouble,” Nellie said. “I would greatly appreciate any assistance you can give.”
Mrs. Fitzgerald nodded slowly. “I suppose this wasn’t quite the situation advertised. It never is. But I do hope you’ll give it a chance before getting back on the train.”
“Who said I was leaving? I know we didn’t do it right and proper in a church, but I am legally Luke’s wife. I have the papers in my bag to prove it.” Nellie gestured to the bag one of the porters had set beside her. “Which means I made a promise. And you don’t break a promise simply because a child doesn’t like it.”
Adjusting Maeve on her hip, Nellie bent in front of Amos. “I know I am not your mother, but I promised your father I would help him, and that I would look after you. So let’s get to know one another and see if we can’t find a way to someday be friends.”
Bright blue eyes that matched his father’s looked up at Nellie. “Do I have to call you mama?”
“You may call me Nellie, or any other name you choose. As long as it’s nice. I know you love your mother very much, and it’s all right to miss her. I hope you will teach me some of the traditions she taught you so that we may continue them. I want you to remember her fondly. From what your father tells me, she was a good woman, and you are very blessed to have had her.”
Nellie knew her speech was inadequate, given the circumstances, but hopefully it would be enough to earn the boy’s trust.
“Can you make chocolate cake?” he asked.
“I can,” Nellie said. “I can cook a good many things, and I would be pleased to prepare your favorite meals, if you will tell me what they are.” She gave him a smile, hoping he’d see her as someone he could count on, rather than an adversary.
“Anything but eggs,” Amos said, sighing. “I sure am tired of eating eggs all the time. That’s about all Ruby can cook, and when she tries other things, they’re disgusting.”
“I’m sure Ruby does her best. You should be grateful for a sister who takes such good care of you. But hopefully, now that I’m here, you two can go back to being friends and playing with each other, and I will take care of the family.”
Again, she tried to sound as pleasant as she could. At least he wasn’t running away, too.
Amos nodded as he eyed her. “I suppose we can give it a try. So long as we get chocolate cake once in a while. I do like chocolate cake, and the only time I get it is if we go to the Fitzgeralds’ house or if there is a special dinner at church. But Papa doesn’t let us go to church anymore.”
Then he looked up at Mrs. Fitzgerald. “And Papa says it’s rude to always ask Mrs. Fitzgerald to make us chocolate cake. So I suppose, if you’re Papa’s wife, I can ask you.”
The little boy looked rather pleased with himself as he came to this conclusion. Nellie smiled. Clearly winning him over wouldn’t be as difficult as his older sister. And Maeve was already playing with the locket Nellie wore around her neck.
“How about, once I’m able to assess the situation at the house and find out how much money I’m allowed for groceries, I can make us a nice meal to celebrate our marriage, and we’ll have chocolate cake for dessert?”
Mrs. Fitzgerald smiled as she joined the conversation. “I think that sounds like a lovely idea. However, may I suggest that you allow me to prepare a wedding supper for you both and invite our friends and neighbors so they may all meet you? I’m sure you are probably eager to get settled in your own home and prepare your family’s meals. However, I think it would be best for you to take the time to get to know your household first.”
“I would greatly appreciate it,” Nellie said. “But I would like to check with Luke to make sure he has no objection.”
This was one more thing they hadn’t discussed. What were the rules about entertaining? Did Luke have friends other than the Fitzgeralds and those at church he was currently avoiding? Longing filled Nellie’s heart as she remembered how Ernest had cut her off from all social interactions, save for when she was required to serve him and his friends. She’d become a maid rather than a wife.
What role would she play in Luke’s home? The children had been expecting a nanny, not a mother, and though Nellie would not expect them to accept her as such so soon, what was she to be to them? A glorified servant? Or something more?
Her stomach twisted again as she realized she did not know the answer.
Fortunately, Mrs. Fitzgerald’s smile eased some of Nellie’s nervousness. At least to this woman, Nellie was something more than a mere servant. Perhaps in time, they could be friends.
“Absolutely. However, I must insist that you and the family dine with us tonight because I know the state of your kitchen, and it is too much to ask of any woman to come home after such a journey and be expected to prepare a meal.”
Nellie smiled at the other woman. “I accept. Thank you for your kindness. Luke has spoken of your friendship, and I can already see why he values you so.” Maeve began fussing like she wanted to get down and play. Nellie patted her back gently. “There now, we’ll be home soon and then you can be free, and your brother can show me around.”
Nellie smiled at Amos. “Will you help show me around until your father gets back?”
“Like I’m the boss?”
Nellie grinned. She supposed it was wrong to capitalize on the fact that Luke had told her Amos resented being bossed around by his older sister. But at least it was a way for Nellie to relate to the boy.
“In a manner, I suppose. We all know that the real boss is your father. And though you’re supposed to listen to me, I could use some help. Does that sound good enough to you?”
Amos nodded slowly. “You aren’t gonna make me take a bath, are you?”
“Does your father make you take baths?”
“Sometimes,” Amos mumbled.
Nellie ruffled the little boy’s hair, noting that there didn’t appear to be any lice or other creatures of concern, though it could use a good washing. “I’ll tell you what,” she said. “I do think it’s important for people to take baths. And it sounds like your father agrees. But I won’t make you take a bath until we’ve all discussed it as a family and determined what night bath night is.”
“Saturday,” Amos said, sounding disappointed that he wasn’t going to get out of taking a bath, but as he smiled at her, she realized he was also probably relieved that she wasn’t going to insist on baths more often.
Though Nellie probably would make changes to the family routine as time went on, for now, her plan was to do her best to keep them all on a comfortable schedule. As they seemed ready to make changes, Nellie would discuss them with Luke, seeking his advice. After all, they were partners. Or would be in time, once they got more comfortable with each other.
Mrs. Fitzgerald tucked her arm into Nellie’s free arm. “I’ll be honest. I tried talking Luke out of this foolish plan. But now that you’ve come, and I see that you have the family’s best interests at heart, I think this will work out very well. Luke is too proud to ask for help, too proud to accept it.” With a grin, Mrs. Fitzgerald gave her a squeeze. “But perhaps a wife is exactly what he needs. Someone to help him, without it feeling like an injury to his pride.”
Clearly this other woman understood Nellie’s husband very well. And based on Mrs. Fitzgerald’s warm welcome, Nellie’s nervousness at the family’s reactions to her was just silly jitters. She was meant to be here, with this family, and someday they’d find their way together.
Nellie just hoped that despite the rocky start, at least with Ruby, everything would turn out all right. Not that Nellie had expected a warm reception, but as she thought about the hatred in the little girl’s eyes, the anger, the fear, Nellie knew that the victories she had so far secured were very small compared to the battles that lay ahead.
* * *
Luke had been searching for the better part of an hour, and he still hadn’t found Ruby. He’d known that Ruby especially would not immediately welcome Nellie with open arms. But to be so hateful? To run? This was not the daughter he knew and loved.
Had Luke made a mistake in marrying Nellie so quickly?
He thought it best to present them with the deed already done. That way, they would have to accept it. But perhaps he had been wrong. Perhaps he should have given them more time to get used to the idea. Though he’d been telling them for weeks that he was seeking a wife, it still clearly hadn’t been enough time.
Luke rounded the corner to the livery. Ruby often came here to pet the horses because they could not afford one of their own. Living in town, within walking distance to everything they needed, it seemed like a wasteful expense. But his daughter dearly loved horses.
“Hello, Wes,” Luke said to the proprietor as he entered the stable. “You haven’t seen my daughter, have you?”
Wes nodded but put his finger to his lips. “I hear you brought yourself home a wife.”
His daughter was here. Luke’s shoulders relaxed slightly as he felt his breathing return to normal. And Ruby had at least confided in someone about her pain.
“I did. I’ll always love Diana, and we all miss her deeply, but our house needs a woman’s touch. I know Ruby says she doesn’t mind taking care of the others and the house, but I want more for her. I want her to have the chance to go outside and play with her friends the way her brother does. I want her to go to school and not make up ridiculous excuses about why she needs to stay home for her siblings. And though I know everyone is happy to watch Maeve while I work, I will feel better knowing there is a woman dedicated to her care who is always with her and will watch over her the way I would.”
Wes nodded slowly. “And love? Have you thought of that?”
It was the same question Mrs. Heatherington had asked. Luke nodded slowly, remembering Nellie’s wisdom. “There are all kinds of love. Just because it doesn’t look like what Diana and I shared doesn’t mean Nellie and I cannot care for each other in different ways. We are of the same mind, Nellie and I, and I believe we will get on quite well together. She is a very good woman, and I would not trust my children with her otherwise.”
“Many a man has married for less,” Wes said. “I wish you all the best. Be gentle with Ruby. She doesn’t understand the ways of the adults. And she’s angry that you would forsake her mother so easily.”
Luke’s throat tightened. If only he’d had another choice. But he didn’t, not if he wanted Ruby to have any kind of decent life. How was he supposed to get his daughter to understand that, when she believed it was her duty to take on her mother’s responsibilities?
“I have not forsaken Diana. Some days, I wonder how I can even breathe without her by my side. But she is not here, and I am, so I must make the best decisions I can without her. I believe that Diana would not want our children to muddle through the way they have been.”
“You didn’t even ask us,” Ruby said, coming around from behind the counter. “We didn’t want a new mother. We told you not to look for a new wife. I took all those ads you tried to send and burned them in the fire so no one would come. Why didn’t you give up?”
At least now Luke knew why no one had ever answered his ads. “What you did was wrong,” he said. “You can’t meddle with someone’s personal correspondence. If you had concerns about my search for a bride, then you should have discussed them with me.”
Tears streamed down Ruby’s face, leaving little trails in the dust on her cheeks. She must have accumulated it while hiding in the horse stalls. “I did! I told you we didn’t need a mother. I was doing fine on my own. I am nearly eleven years old, almost a grown woman. I can do all the things a mother can do.”
Luke sighed. His daughter was partially right. But Ruby didn’t understand that a child needed more in a mother than she could provide.
“I know you can do everything around the house,” Luke said. “But I want you to have a better life than that. I know you don’t like to hear it, but can you try to understand that I only have your best interests at heart?”
Tears filled her eyes again. “But you didn’t even let us help you pick her out.”
“Well, maybe if you hadn’t burned all my letters, we could’ve read the responses as a family, and I would’ve allowed you to share your thoughts. But you thought you knew better than your father, and you took matters into your own hands. You don’t have the knowledge and experience that I do. That Nellie does. But we can help you, if you let us.”
His daughter’s face softened, and Luke hoped it was a sign that she was finally beginning to see reason.
Luke held his arms out to her, but Ruby didn’t budge. She stood there, tears rolling down her cheeks, sadness in her eyes. His daughter’s heart was breaking, and as much as Luke wanted to help, there wasn’t anything he could do. Nothing would bring her mother back.
“But we don’t need her help. We’re doing just fine.”
Luke took a step closer to his daughter. “Didn’t you just say that it was wrong to lie?”
“We are!” Ruby’s voice wavered. “Don’t you always say that as long as we have each other, we have enough?”
“And we do. But we also need help. I know you think you can do it all, but you’re not ready yet.” Luke held his hand out to his daughter again. “I need you to trust me. Have I ever done anything to hurt you?”
Ruby started to shake her head no, but then she nodded. “Yes. You married that woman without telling us.”
As if a grown man needed permission to take a wife. Luke sighed. “Other than that? Have I ever done anything else to hurt you?”
“No.” Ruby sniffled loudly, then wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve.
“Then let’s focus on that. Remember all the times that I’ve looked out for you. I’m still doing the very best I can to give you and your siblings a good life. Nellie has promised to do the same. I’m just asking you to give it a chance.”
Ruby took a step closer to him, coming almost to his arms, but still out of reach. “What if she is not so nice after all?”
Taking a deep breath, Luke considered this. What if Nellie wasn’t good for his children? Luke shook his head. Of course she would be.
“We’ll find a way to work it out,” he said.
“But what if she’s really terrible? Will you send her away?”
Luke couldn’t imagine making such a decision because he couldn’t imagine Nellie doing anything so bad. But the hopeful look in his daughter’s eyes made him realize that if she thought there was a chance to get rid of Nellie, she would try. It was a sad thing to acknowledge about one’s own daughter, but until Ruby had confessed that she’d burned his letters, he would have never believed her capable of such a thing. Which meant Nellie was in for a far more difficult time than Luke would have imagined.
“I understand what you’re trying to say,” Luke said slowly. “But that is a decision and a discussion best left to adults. Nellie is here to stay. When you marry someone, you make the promise to stay married until death parts you. I made that promise to Nellie.”
Wes stepped around the counter and put his arm around Ruby. It pained Luke to see someone doing for his daughter what he wished he could do himself. But at least Ruby had someone she felt was on her side.
“It’s hard losing a parent,” Wes said. “But your father’s right—nothing’s going to bring your mother back. As hard as it is, we have to find a way to keep living the best we can without them. This Nellie woman, I know she’s not your mother. But I know your father and I trust his judgment. All he ever thinks about is what’s best for you and your brother and sister. If he thinks Nellie will do right by you, I believe him.”
Wes squatted so he was eye to eye with Ruby. “But if you run into trouble, you come see me, and I’ll do what I can to help.”
The glower didn’t leave Ruby’s face. “I didn’t ask for her to come. I don’t want her here.”
Wes nodded thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. “But she’s here. And a lady of the house makes everyone feel welcome, whether they are wanted, needed or asked for. Even the most unwelcome guest deserves to be treated with kindness and respect.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ruby asked, her voice quivering.
Wes looked at her tenderly. “I think you know what I mean. You haven’t even given Nellie a chance. And I’m sure she is feeling pretty terrible right about now.”
“Doesn’t it matter that I’m feeling pretty terrible?”
The righteous indignance on his daughter’s face made Luke want to smile. But that probably wouldn’t serve any good purpose.
“Of course it does,” Luke said, joining Wes in front of Ruby. “And I truly am sorry that I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. But what’s done is done, and the best we can do is move forward with grace. And it would mean a lot to me, to our family, if you would at least try.”
Ruby nodded, sniffed some more and once again wiped her face with the back of her sleeve. Then she squared her shoulders and looked at her father.
“I won’t call her mama. Or mother.”
They hadn’t discussed what the children were to call Nellie, and though Luke promised her that they would be a team, he hoped she would understand him making this decision without her.
“You can call her Nellie if you like.”
Ruby nodded. “I don’t want her acting like a mother to me. No kissing, no hugging, no tucking me in at night. I will not treat her like a mother. I will not forget my mother, and nothing you say or do will make me.”
Tears stung the backs of Luke’s eyes at his daughter’s insistence on clinging to her mother. He knew the children missed her, but it hadn’t occurred to him that bringing Nellie in would make them think that he wanted to deny their memories of her.
“I’m glad,” he said. “I wouldn’t ask that of you. Nor would Nellie.”
This time, when Luke held out his arms to his daughter, she came. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, kissing the top of her head.
“I love you, my sweet Ruby. I know it’s hard, and I’m sorry. I miss your mother every day, and I know you do, too. But we need Nellie. You probably don’t care about this part, but something tells me that she needs us. So let’s all do the best we can to be there for each other, even if it’s not the situation we want for ourselves.”
Ruby nodded slowly, her tears wetting the front of Luke’s shirt. She squeezed him back, and it felt good to be in his daughter’s embrace. And he hoped it felt good to her, as well. Even if she didn’t realize it now, he would always be there for her, always support her, always love her.
“Do you really miss her?” Big blue eyes like her mother’s looked up at him, searching his heart, then breaking it.
“I’ve told you I do.”
“Not very often,” she said. “Sometimes I think you don’t remember her at all.”
Her words turned his insides. Once again, Luke heard Nellie’s voice in the back of his head giving him permission to grieve the way he felt he needed to.
“Missing a person looks different to everyone,” he said. “I’m sorry that you can’t see inside my heart, but the pain of living every day without your mother is there. Nellie isn’t meant to take that away. But she can make some of the things that I’m struggling to do on my own a little easier. I need another adult in my life to help me. I know you want to be that person, but it has to be someone else.”
“All right,” Ruby said, sighing. “I don’t like this, not at all.”
Luke sighed. Ruby wasn’t bending on this point, but at least she’d somewhat agreed to cooperate. He supposed, for today at least, that that was as much of a victory as he could hope for.
Chapter Four (#u3d7f5c88-2cb3-55cc-93f4-dfa2f100e961)
Luke hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d said his home was small. The tiny cabin was but one room, containing a small stove in the corner that looked like it was used for both heating and cooking, though Nellie had no idea how anything could be cooked on such a contraption. Shelves along one wall contained what appeared to be the family’s meager supplies and very few dishes. A table and chairs sat on one end of the room, awkward and lopsided, like they had been placed there as temporary furnishings, and they’d never gotten around to finding something permanent. The sitting area seemed like another thrown-together spot, with mismatched furniture that appeared to be other people’s castoffs. Though Nellie understood why Luke had been hoping for a clean house, she could see the potential in this space to make it a home.
On the far wall, Nellie could see the makeshift ladder built into the wood to gain access to what she imagined must be the sleeping loft. The only other furnishing in the room was an old trunk, probably full of the other household goods. But as Nellie looked around the room, she saw there was no place to put anything else. She glanced at the two bags she’d brought with her. They seemed to eat up the remaining space in the place, and though she’d once lamented the loss of most of her personal belongings, Nellie couldn’t help but be grateful now that she’d had to leave almost everything behind. There’d be no place to put it.
“It’s not much, I know,” Mrs. Fitzgerald said from behind her. “Luke was going to add another room before Diana’s passing, but since she’s been gone, I think he’s lacked the motivation. Perhaps now...”
Her voice trailed off as she probably thought she’d overstepped. Nellie turned to her and smiled.
“It’s all right, Mrs. Fitzgerald. I know you mean well. Change will take time, and that’s all right. I’ve been in worse situations, and I know how to make the best of things.”
Nellie set Maeve down, and the little girl immediately scrambled up the ladder to the loft. Amos cast a glance at Nellie, then followed his sister.
“Just let them go,” Mrs. Fitzgerald said. “And do call me Myrna. We don’t stand much on ceremony here.”
The older woman looked around the room, then let her gaze rest upon Nellie again. “I apologize that I didn’t do more to clean things up in here. It’s easier to keep them all at my house when Luke isn’t home. I don’t know how he manages in such a small space. I tried to sweep, but there’s only so much you can do with these little ones running about in here.”
Nellie looked down at the dusty floor. “I can imagine.” Then she gave Myrna a smile. “I’m sure I’ll find a way to manage, just as Diana did.”
Myrna pressed her lips together, then looked around the room before pulling Nellie closer to the stove. “Now, I am not saying this to speak ill of the dead, but I think you need to understand a few things about Diana.”
Pointing to the stove, Myrna said, “That chocolate cake Amos wants. Do you really think you’re going to bake one in this?”
With a sigh, Nellie shook her head. The stove was barely large enough to hold wood for a fire and a kettle on top. She had no idea how she’d make a basic meal on it, let alone a chocolate cake.
“That’s right. You’re not. Diana was no housekeeper, and she couldn’t cook a proper meal to save her life, let alone feed her family. When they first came to Leadville, she and I made a deal. I did all the cooking, and she did all my mending and sewing. I never could sew a straight seam, so it was a good trade for me. I tried explaining to Luke what we’d worked out, but he thought that taking meals from me was accepting charity.”
Myrna let out a long sigh. “I don’t think he ever knew just how poor a cook Diana was. He knew she wasn’t much for housekeeping, but I don’t think any of us had the heart to tell him the truth about—”
The door opened, and Luke entered, a sulking Ruby trudging behind him.
“Tell him the truth about what?” he asked, looking confused.
If no one else could bear telling him that his wife couldn’t cook, Nellie sure wasn’t going to. She smiled at him. “About how difficult it must have been for Diana to cook on your tiny little stove. But just as she managed, so will I.”
Nellie gave him a bright smile as she winked at Myrna. They would have to come to some sort of agreement, because Myrna was right. Cooking on this stove, meant as a heating unit, would be near impossible.
If one could look at a woodstove with fondness and love, that was exactly what Luke appeared to do. “The gentleman at the mercantile did say it was impractical, but Diana thought it the sweetest little thing, and she had to have it, so who was I to refuse?”
Then he sobered and turned his attention back to Nellie. “But if this won’t suit you, I could see what they’d take for it in trade, and what a different stove would cost. I don’t have a lot saved up, but...”
A frown creased Luke’s forehead.
“It’s all right.” Nellie smiled at him. “As I said, I’ll manage. You weren’t supposed to hear that bit about the stove. It wasn’t meant as an insult. Just an observation among women who are accustomed to doing a lot of cooking.”
Though Myrna let out an audible sigh of relief, Ruby glared at Nellie. Did the girl, who’d taken on her mother’s duties, know about her deal with Myrna? Or did Ruby see this as yet another slight against her departed mother?
Luke nodded slowly. “If you say so. Like I said, I know it’s a hard life. But I do try to make it easier where I can.”
He looked around the small room as if observing it through a stranger’s eyes. “I didn’t exaggerate when I said it wasn’t much.”
Ruby’s glare intensified.
“But it’s enough,” Nellie said smoothly, smiling as she turned her gaze around the room. “Your family has been very happy here, and I have no doubt that we all will continue to be.”
Luke looked up toward the loft. “The others up there?”
Nellie nodded.
“Have you been up yet?”
“No. Myrna had just begun explaining things to me, and we haven’t gotten that far.”
Her answer didn’t seem to please Luke, who only looked more uncomfortable at her words. “Seeing you in here, I hadn’t realized...” He shook his head. “It really is a small space, isn’t it?”
“We’ll manage,” Nellie said, reiterating her earlier words.
Luke glanced down at her bags. “There’s no place for your things, no privacy for you.”
“I guess she’ll have to leave, then,” Ruby said, the scowl disappearing from her face for the first time since entering the house.
“I’m not leaving,” Nellie said, just as Luke said, “She’s not leaving.”
A small smile turned the corners of Luke’s lips as he looked at Nellie. “At least we still agree on that. But still, I’ve given no thought to your comfort, and for that I apologize.”
“My mother never needed anything more,” Ruby snapped, the glare returning to her face.
“Remember your promise,” Luke said quietly, looking at his daughter with an expression that spoke of both rebuke and affection at the same time.
Nellie felt her shoulders relax as she examined Luke for any sign of violence. There was none. Just that pervasive sadness that seemed to surround him whenever Diana came up in conversation.
“Well,” Myrna said, stepping in to the conversation. “As Nellie and I were discussing just prior to your arrival, I have supper ready for you at my house, and if we don’t sit down soon, it’s liable to get cold. So let’s all head across the alley and we’ll get some food in us all.”
Nellie was grateful for the sudden ease of tension in the room. Whatever Ruby had promised Luke, she wouldn’t have to deliver right away. And the cloud had lifted from Luke’s shoulders, a smile filling his face again.
“That sounds wonderful. Thank you for thinking of my wife and realizing that it would be too much to ask of her to prepare supper so soon after her arrival. I’m sure it will make her feel most welcome.”
“It does indeed,” Nellie said, smiling back at him. Though their words were all polite and proper, things felt strained between them, as if the reality of their arrangement was somehow less satisfactory than it had sounded when they’d first discussed it. Luke continued to seem more ill at ease than happy about her acceptance of the situation.
“I’ll just get the children,” Nellie said, heading for the ladder. “And have a peek at the loft so I can say I’ve seen it all. I’m sure it will be just fine.”
She could feel Luke’s eyes on her as she climbed the ladder. Though it had to be sturdy enough to hold Luke’s weight, the way it creaked as she made her way up made her stomach churn. She would get used to this.
The tiny loft was lit by a small window in the eaves, and the space was nothing but wall-to-wall bedding. Which, based on the smell assaulting Nellie’s nostrils, hadn’t been washed in some time.
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Danica Favorite
A MOTHER FOR CHRISTMASWidower Luke Jeffries needs a mother for his three young children, whether or not they agree. When he meets Nellie McClain at the mail-order-bride agency, Luke thinks his problems are solved, but they’ve only just begun. Though the beautiful widow awakens his grieving heart, Luke won’t betray his cherished wife’s memory.A marriage of convenience is exactly what Nellie wants, since she’s been wounded by love before and doesn’t plan to risk her heart again. But despite her chilly reception at Luke’s family’s simple Colorado cabin, her feelings for Luke and the children grow deeper every day. Can Nellie and Luke heal the pain in each other and finally make their family whole again?
A Mother for Christmas
Widower Luke Jeffries needs a mother for his three young children, whether or not they agree. When he meets Nellie McClain at the mail-order-bride agency, Luke thinks his problems are solved, but they’ve only just begun. Though the beautiful widow awakens his grieving heart, Luke won’t betray his cherished wife’s memory.
A marriage of convenience is exactly what Nellie wants, since she’s been wounded by love before and doesn’t plan to risk her heart again. But despite her chilly reception at Luke’s family’s simple Colorado cabin, her feelings for Luke and the children grow deeper every day. Can Nellie and Luke heal the pain in each other and finally make their family whole again?
“Can we still have mistletoe? It’s what I love best about Christmas.”
Amos wrapped his arms around his father’s waist. “Nellie said we could only get mistletoe if you agree.”
“Mistletoe? Why are you so insistent on mistletoe?” Luke looked down at his son.
“Because!” A wide grin split Amos’s face. “Everyone kisses and hugs, and they’re all happy. We need more happiness in our house. And maybe, if Nellie kisses you, then you would be happy, too.”
“Nellie can’t kiss Papa!” Ruby declared, shaking her head furiously. “It’s not right.”
A lump formed in Nellie’s throat. Apparently, there were limits to the changes Ruby would approve of. Even Luke looked mildly stricken at the thought.
Would she and Luke ever kiss? Sometimes Nellie hoped so. But then she thought about how it would merely be a platonic kiss to Luke, but if Nellie kissed him, she’d be doing it with all her heart.
A difference that would absolutely destroy her.
Dear Reader (#u3d7f5c88-2cb3-55cc-93f4-dfa2f100e961),
When I was researching this story, I read newspapers printed in the same time when my story takes place. I was expecting to see something reflecting what we see in the media today about Christmas. Instead, I saw articles about activities the church planned, or, what became my favorite, commentary about how lovely the church choir sounded, and that parishioners were in for a treat come Christmas.
How I long to go back to that time! I can’t imagine a better Christmas than not having all the commercialism our society associates with the holiday, and being able to truly soak in the spirit of the season.
My hope, and my prayer, for you is that during the busyness of the season upon us, you find some quiet time to soak in the gift God has given us. May God give you a reminder of His deep love for you this Christmas.
I always love hearing from my readers. Connect with me at the following places:
Website: DanicaFavorite.com (http://www.danicafavorite.com/)
Twitter: Twitter.com/danicafavorite (https://twitter.com/danicafavorite)
Instagram: Instagram.com/danicafavorite (https://instagram.com/danicafavorite/)
Facebook: Facebook.com/DanicaFavoriteAuthor (https://www.facebook.com/DanicaFavoriteAuthor)
Peace to you and yours,
Danica Favorite
DANICA FAVORITE loves the adventure of living a creative life. She loves to explore the depths of human nature and follow people on the journey to happily-ever-after. Though the journey is often bumpy, those bumps refine imperfect characters as they live the life God created them for. Oops, that just spoiled the ending of Danica’s stories. Then again, getting there is all the fun. Find her at danicafavorite.com (http://www.danicafavorite.com).
Mistletoe Mommy
Danica Favorite
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.
—Matthew 6:19–20
For the real Ruby, Charlie, Maeve, Amos, Ruth, Ely and Lydia, may you continue to grow in God’s love under the guidance of your amazing parents. I’m so proud to call them my friends, and I’m grateful I get to be a part of your lives.
Contents
Cover (#u18920329-a3be-5e25-911a-1779774ad2cf)
Back Cover Text (#ubf2d4843-6b60-5151-9f3c-4005d7cac262)
Introduction (#u2302f286-dac3-5ff1-b38b-e257454cfc58)
Dear Reader (#u479503eb-cfe8-5a74-8373-372b755de93f)
About the Author (#ucbf75976-08a7-5aea-bc38-ea088eed49dd)
Title Page (#ub044c706-8462-59a2-a1c6-a20ad91968cd)
Bible Verse (#uacf82e4e-3c22-589e-8041-f6be2ae85eb6)
Dedication (#u5b16426f-29e8-56f4-aa7d-0064245f853c)
Chapter One (#u65f77916-5513-556b-9c14-4d0865a7e201)
Chapter Two (#uc29de737-22a0-5c37-8a29-9e7c82381f7c)
Chapter Three (#u60757359-5acf-591f-a9fc-566c209ccfc4)
Chapter Four (#uefac0d23-5888-53c3-b39a-9a4bd9ca4fd9)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One (#u3d7f5c88-2cb3-55cc-93f4-dfa2f100e961)
Denver, Colorado, 1883
Luke Jeffries twisted his hat in his hands as the woman stared at him from behind her desk. Like he was an errant schoolboy facing the teacher for his misdeeds. But he hadn’t done anything wrong. At least not in the way most people considered something to be wrong. He hadn’t hurt anyone or broken any laws, and yet standing in front of a strange woman, begging her to find him a mail-order bride, felt more wrong than anything the worst of sinners could do.
“Please, ma’am,” he said again, swallowing the guilt in his throat. “I’m not asking for me. But you see, my children...” Luke shook his head. Took a deep breath. “Without their mother, things have been hard for them. I’ve got to work.”
Some folks might say he didn’t. The mining company gave him a nice payout after Diana’s death. But he couldn’t accept their blood money. It just sat there in the bank, taunting him, telling him what they thought a woman’s life was worth. But none of that would bring back the woman he loved. A dollar couldn’t tuck in the children at night.
Which was the greater sin? Going to some agency to find himself a bride he could never love? Or spending money that could never replace what had been taken from him?
Luke straightened his shoulders. “I’ll provide my wife with a good home. Plenty of food, and the children are well behaved. It’s a good life for a decent woman.”
“And what about you, Mr. Jeffries?” Mrs. Heatherington, who ran the mail-order-bride agency, stood, leaning over her desk to stare at him even harder. “What do you have to offer of yourself?”
It was the very reason he’d come here. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. “I will be kind to my new wife, if that’s what you’re asking. I’m not a violent man. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I go to work every day at the smelter, then come home to spend the evening with my family.”
“What of love?” the woman asked quietly, almost too quietly, but his heart heard. And wept.
“I can offer her the love of a friend or a brother. I have no expectations of my future wife to be anything more.”
Luke stared down at his hat, knowing he wasn’t doing it any favors with the way he was twisting it, but right now the feel of the material gave him some comfort, like it was his only friend.
“It seems to me that you need a nanny or a housekeeper, not a wife,” Mrs. Heatherington said, sitting back down and jotting a few notes on a piece of paper. “I can give some recommendations of a few agencies that might help you.”
“No. I appreciate that, but I do need a wife. I can’t afford to pay someone, and to be honest, my living situation...” Luke shook his head again. “It wouldn’t be proper, having a woman come and stay with us if we weren’t married. Housing in Leadville is hard to come by, and our little house is but one room, with a tiny loft for sleeping.”
Mrs. Heatherington looked up at him over her glasses. “But you aren’t going to love her?”
It was obvious what she was asking, and yet such things weren’t spoken of, not in polite society, not with a respectable woman like Mrs. Heatherington. Then again, Luke wasn’t sure that asking someone to find him a wife was something a person did in polite society, either.
“With all due respect, ma’am, I think I understand what you’re asking. And let me assure you that I have no desire to have...” Luke paused and drew in a breath. “Any sort of...relations...with my new bride. Our marriage is to be in name only.”
And yet his words only served to make the woman stare at him like he was a criminal.
“Just what exactly do you think you’re offering? What would induce any woman to marry a man who only wants her to be a housekeeper or nanny without pay, and without the benefit of someone to love her? Someone to care about her?”
Luke shifted uneasily as she rose from her chair yet again.
“Please, ma’am. I just thought that maybe there was a woman out there, someone who doesn’t have all those romantic notions. A widow, maybe. Someone who needs a good home, children to raise. Women dream of that, don’t they?”
He looked at her, hoping she could see the earnest desire in his heart to find a situation that would work for not just him, but for a woman who wanted a similar situation.
“Women dream of being loved, Mr. Jeffries. They dream of being more than someone’s domestic servant.”
Shaking his head, he said slowly, “I don’t intend for her to be my servant. We’d be partners. Working together for the good of our family.”
Mrs. Heatherington glared at him.
“This isn’t just about me. My children need a good woman to guide them. My daughter Ruby, she’s...” Luke hesitated, trying to find polite words to describe the situation he found himself in. “Things are changing in her, and she needs a woman to help her.”
Once again, he stared at the floor, anything to avoid meeting the gaze of the woman who stood on the other side of the desk, judging him. Making him wish he hadn’t seen the ad in the paper promising to find men good wives. Easier than Taking a Mail-Order-Bride Ad Yourself, it claimed. We Do the Work for You. And since he’d tried finding a mail-order bride, with no answers to his ads, this seemed to be his last option.
“Surely a woman from your church could discuss those things with your daughter,” Mrs. Heatherington said kindly. “I understand it would be difficult for a man, but—”
“I won’t have anything to do with the church,” Luke said, his attention snapping back up at her. “That’s the whole reason we’re in this mess. As far I’m concerned, the church killed my wife. Even if they could help, I wouldn’t take it.”
With a pang, Luke thought of the many meals the ladies had brought over for his family when Diana had been killed. He hadn’t wanted to take them, hadn’t wanted to eat the food, but the children had been so hungry, and Luke’s efforts at preparing anything edible hadn’t gone over well. Every bite had made him feel sick, and he’d been grateful when ten-year-old Ruby had calmly told him that her mother had taught her to prepare some basic things, and she’d taken over the cooking.
But it wasn’t Ruby’s place to prepare the meals, do her mother’s chores and take care of her siblings. Especially now that the woman Luke had hired to watch Maeve, the youngest, who wasn’t yet in school, had quit. Maureen’s note to him saying she was leaving had somehow gone awry, and Luke found out that Ruby was skipping school to do the job herself. She deserved to have her childhood back, which was one more reason Luke had to find a wife. Clearly hired help couldn’t be counted on, and Luke still didn’t understand how it had taken him nearly a week to find out that Ruby had taken over. Since then, he’d relied on the generosity of neighbors, but Luke had to find a more permanent solution. It didn’t feel right to take a wife not six months after Diana’s death, but Luke was out of options.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Jeffries. I can’t help you,” Mrs. Heatherington said, coming around to the side of her desk. “We are a Christian organization, and it’s my obligation to bring together men and women of faith to create a loving home.”
She shook her head as she looked at him with sympathy. “I am truly sorry for your loss, and I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you to have lost a wife, and for your children to not have a mother. But this goes against everything I believe in. Too many women come out here as part of mail-order-bride schemes, thinking they’re going to end up with a wonderful life. All too often, they end up in terrible situations, some even being sold to houses of ill repute.”
“I would never—”
Mrs. Heatherington shook her head slowly. “Perhaps not. But what happens to this bride of yours when the children are grown and you have no need of free labor? Or one of you realizes that you do, in fact, need someone to love in your life?”
Before Luke could answer, a voice called out from behind him. “I’ll do it.”
Luke turned to see a woman standing in the doorway. Though her clothes seemed to have once been of fine quality, they were now threadbare and worn. Her dark hair was piled on top of her head in a simple yet elegant style, and she bore herself like a lady of means. The lines at the corners of her deep brown eyes indicated a weariness of the world matching his own. Yet her face seemed to have a strength to it that said she was not going to let any of her hardships get her down.
“And you are?” Mrs. Heatherington stepped past him to approach the woman.
“Nellie McClain,” she said, entering the room. “I’ve come to see if you’d find me a husband.”
Nellie looked around the room, then her gaze settled on Luke. “He’ll do just fine.”
He’ll do just fine. Not exactly the words of love and devotion one would expect to come from a bride, but Luke wasn’t looking for love and devotion. Still, he knew nothing of this woman, and it seemed odd that she’d jump right in and offer to marry him.
“But you know nothing about him,” Mrs. Heatherington said. “And we haven’t... That is to say, I don’t know who you are, and we haven’t gone through the interview process.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “You won’t help him, but I can.”
“What do you mean, you can?” Luke said.
“I need a husband,” she said, turning her attention to him. “Based on what you said, I think you’re exactly what I’m looking for. I don’t want a man to make promises with his fancy words. I don’t want some notion of romance. All I want is someone who is decent, hardworking, and knows how to treat people right. I know it’s wrong to eavesdrop, but based on what I heard in here, it seems to me that you have the qualities I seek.”
Her words might not sound like what a man hoped to hear from a prospective bride. But they were music to Luke’s ears, given that it seemed like they wanted the same thing.
“But what of love?” Mrs. Heatherington asked. “You seem like a nice young lady. Surely you want better for yourself.”
“With all due respect,” Nellie said, “I’m a widow. I know what it’s like to marry over some foolish notion like what a person thinks might be love. A woman like me needs nothing more than the protection of a good man and a family to care for. To be able to raise children is a pleasure I dared not hope for, but I would be extremely grateful for the opportunity.”
She stepped farther into the room and looked at Luke, and for the first time, he was able to examine her features and see that while it was easy to mistake her for a young lady in the marriage mart, her bearing bore the strain of someone who had seen far too much pain in so short a life. A widow. This woman knew what it was like to love and lose, and it was obvious she wasn’t willing to take the risk again. A perfect match for him.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Luke said. “What makes you want to marry?”
Nellie hesitated. A dark look flashed across her face, and Luke wished he could ask her about it. But he barely knew this woman, and it didn’t seem right to dig into her pain.
“I suppose it sounds selfish for me to say that I wish to be cared for. A woman in my position finds herself taken advantage of and placed in bad situations because she is alone. There is little a respectable woman can do on her own, and she is often faced with challenges simply because of her circumstances. I’ve had enough struggle and hardship, and all I really want is to live life in peace.”
She looked up at him with such sadness in her eyes that even if he hadn’t already decided to marry her, Luke would have found some way of helping her. He couldn’t disagree with her words. Though he had nothing but respect for women, he had also seen how many other men mistreated them. A woman on her own was a target for all sorts of vile deeds. Based on the expression on Nellie’s face, Luke would guess that something terrible indeed had happened to her.
“I can’t promise you that a life with me will be easy,” Luke said. “I live in Leadville, a mining town in the mountains that boasts of luxuries and society rivaling that of Denver. However, Leadville also has a dark side, an uncivilized side, and the best I can offer you is a tiny cabin on a dirty street in the midst of it. We’ve plenty enough to eat, clothes on our backs, and as long as you don’t require anything fancy, you’ll have what you need.”
“But what of love?” Mrs. Heatherington asked again, looking distraught and wringing her hands as she came forward. “The two of you sound like you’re planning a business deal. But marriage is so much more than that. What happens when the children are grown? What happens when you can’t bear the sight of each other?”
Luke took another look at Nellie. It wouldn’t be proper of him to say, but Nellie’s eyes were not her only attraction. The light shone on her dark hair in a way that made it sparkle. Being able to bear looking at her wasn’t the problem. He was more worried that he would like looking at her a little too much.
Nellie smiled at her, a gentle expression that made Luke want to know her better. “There are different kinds of love. Romantic love is something I want nothing to do with. It is a whimsical notion that makes fools of too many men and women. But there is also the love of a mother, father, brother, sister, and what I hope to develop with my future husband, that of a friend.”
Then Nellie turned her gaze on Luke, smiling at him. If only Mrs. Heatherington hadn’t made him consider her beauty. Her warm, gentle smile made him feel more at ease than he’d been since he’d stepped foot into this room. She was lovely indeed.
“Can we agree to become friends?” Nellie inquired. “Surely it isn’t too much to ask. After all, it would be best for the children to have the example of the adults in their lives trying to get along. And, as Mrs. Heatherington said, once the children leave, it would be nice to spend the rest of my life with a friend.”
Friends. He’d come here looking for a wife, and it seemed almost unbelievable that he might be leaving with something more. If he and God were on speaking terms, he might even thank the man upstairs for such an unexpected blessing.
Luke turned to Nellie. “For you, the possibility of a child was more than you could hope for. I hadn’t even been thinking about gaining a friend. But it would be mighty nice to have someone to talk to and a companion for my life. It would be my honor to be your friend. And I hope you will do me the honor of becoming my wife.”
Another smile lit up Nellie’s face. “I would be delighted,” she said.
* * *
Had Nellie really just accepted a proposal of marriage? It shouldn’t be a surprise; after all, that was why she’d come. But it seemed almost too good to be true to have a husband fall into her lap.
“I cannot countenance such a thing,” Mrs. Heatherington said. “My matches come from careful consideration and selection. This could ruin my business.”
Nellie turned and looked at the older woman. “I do apologize. Fortunately for you, your business had nothing to do with this match. You’d already told Mr. Jeffries that you can’t help him. I hadn’t yet put in my application with you. Therefore, you aren’t liable for anything that happens between us. We are merely two parties who happened to meet at your place of business and came to an agreement on our own. Thank you for allowing us to have this conversation in your parlor. We shan’t trouble you further. Good day to you, Mrs. Heatherington. I appreciate your thoughtful contributions to this matter.”
“You would really marry a stranger?” Mrs. Heatherington looked shocked, like she’d never heard such a thing.
“How is this any different from what you do?” Nellie stared at the woman for a moment.
Mrs. Heatherington met her gaze. “I have a long questionnaire that I use to determine whether or not a couple is suited for one another. I compare their likes, interests, temperament and values, and bring together compatible people to share each other’s lives. But you’re right. You made this decision on your own. As long as you do not hold me responsible, then I suppose I have nothing more to say on the matter.”
Mr. Jeffries stepped forward. “Thank you for your time, Mrs. Heatherington. I greatly appreciate the careful thought and consideration you gave to my situation. I can see that you care deeply for doing right by your clients, and even by strangers. It’s commendable, and though we did not use your services, I will always speak very highly of you and your business.”
Then Mr. Jeffries held his hand out to Nellie. “I believe there is a restaurant down the street. Will you join me for an early supper so we can discuss the terms of our marriage?”
Leaving Mrs. Heatherington looking rather like she’d been through a terrible, unexpected storm, Nellie took his arm and exited the building.
The air was crisp, and the scent of burning wood from people’s fireplaces, along with the unmistakable heavy clouds in the distance, told her that deep winter would soon be upon them. All the better to have this matter settled so quickly and easily, then. A few more weeks, days even, and the weather might have made things more difficult.
Once they’d gotten about halfway down the block, Nellie looked up at Mr. Jeffries. The previous scene echoed in her mind like a strange dream. And though it seemed completely out of place, Nellie chuckled softly.
Mr. Jeffries stared at her. “What’s so funny?”
“Did you see the look on Mrs. Heatherington’s face? I thought she was going to die of apoplexy. What kind of person marries a complete stranger?”
She shook her head, marveling at herself. Nellie wasn’t normally so quick in her decisions, but as she’d heard Mr. Jeffries pleading his case with the woman, she knew she had to help him. Who could refuse a man who needed that kind of help?
Besides, she needed his help, as well.
“Us, I suppose.” Then Mr. Jeffries frowned, making him look considerably older than he seemed to be. His blond hair held no flecks of gray, and his face was unmarred by wrinkles. A young man, bearing the burden of a much older one. “That seems incredibly irresponsible, doesn’t it?” Then he sighed. “I don’t know what else to do. It’s been so hard since my wife died, and I’m out of options. I’ve been told I have good instincts for people, and I feel like I can trust you. Plus, it seems as though we are of similar mind, which seems the same as the shared values Mrs. Heatherington spoke of. I must admit, though, what interested me the most in you was your happiness about the children. You don’t mind not having children of your own?”
There was no judgment in Mr. Jeffries’s words. Too many people saw Nellie’s childless state and treated her as though she had some kind of defect.
“I cannot have children,” she said quietly. Shame ate at the pit of her stomach at the admission. Her lack of fertility was one of the reasons Ernest had been disappointed in her as a wife. She hadn’t been able to give him the son he’d wanted, and for that he’d made sure she was punished.
Mr. Jeffries slipped his hand into hers. “Then you shall gain three,” he said, giving her hand a squeeze. “Ruby is ten, Amos is seven, and Maeve is two.”
Tears filled Nellie’s eyes. Mr. Jeffries hadn’t hesitated when she admitted her infertility. Though she had spent her whole life wanting nothing more than to be someone’s mother, she’d always considered it a blessing that she and Ernest had never had children. She couldn’t imagine submitting a child to his cruelty.
Some might think her foolish for wanting another husband, considering how Ernest had treated her, but Nellie had to hope that this time she had chosen better. When she’d married Ernest, she hadn’t yet learned to recognize the cruel glint of a man’s eyes that said he cared only for himself. She hadn’t known the reddish tinge to the end of a man’s nose and the sour smell that came with the overfondness of drink. Back then, Nellie loved the flowery phrases used to beguile because she thought them romantic, not realizing that poetry held little truth and deception was easily hidden behind pretty words.
There was comfort in Mr. Jeffries’s frank speech. He held no air of pretense, and there was no sign in him of the kind of man she’d learned to fear. She’d been honest when she’d told Mrs. Heatherington that a woman like her could not get by without the protection of a husband.
Before she’d come to Colorado, she’d found more than her share of challenges simply because she was a woman alone. People wanted to deal with her husband or her father, not a young widow. Marriage offered her the chance to live without having to continually justify her situation.
But as she looked up at Mr. Jeffries and his gentle gaze, she wondered if he’d have much sympathy if he knew her full story. Knew the horror her marriage had been the last few months, and what Ernest had done. One would think that his death would have brought her freedom, but...
Nellie shook her head. She was free now. In a new part of the country, with a new last name, thanks to her soon-to-be husband, they wouldn’t be able to find her. A man’s debts weren’t supposed to pass on to his wife. Then again, most men didn’t sell their wives to cover their debts. Slavery might have been abolished, but it didn’t stop men from making backroom deals to hand over their wives for financial compensation.
Married to a man who’d had no part in the arrangement, Nellie would be protected from them coming after her. She’d run away when Ernest died, but they’d found her at her sister’s and dragged her back to the horrible place they’d been keeping her.
Where she’d seen cruelty in the faces of other men, she saw a kindness in Mr. Jeffries, a gentleness, and a deep sadness at having lost his wife. She didn’t expect him to love her in that way, but knowing that this man had a heart made it seem safer somehow to trust him. Even though there was still so much to learn about him.
Glancing up at Mr. Jeffries, she smiled. “Since we’re to be married, might I trouble you for your name? I heard Mrs. Heatherington refer to you as Mr. Jeffries, but we should discuss what I am to call you.”
“Luke.” He smiled back at her and squeezed her hand. “And I hope you will allow me to call you Nellie.”
“Of course.” She returned his smile, though part of her wished she hadn’t made the effort. Luke had a pleasantness of manner, and the way he looked at her almost made her feel like a schoolgirl.
But she’d long ago lost any of those schoolgirl dreams.
Nellie hated the thought that she needed a man. But the police only shook their heads pityingly and told her they couldn’t help her when she’d gone to them to escape the men who’d bought her.
“Go to your husband or father,” they’d said. What was a woman without either to do? Especially since one of the men Ernest sold her to had claimed he was her father, and at that point no one would listen to her story. A father had the right to do what he wanted with his errant daughter. A husband could force his wife into unspeakable things, and no one would lift a hand to help her. Nellie’s only chance was to find a good man who would give her the protection of his name.
As they crossed the street and headed toward the restaurant Nellie remembered passing on the way here, she stole a glance at Luke. He didn’t seem the sort to hurt a woman. Though Mrs. Heatherington’s words might have provoked a lesser man, he’d remained calm and polite, and Nellie hadn’t seen any signs of a temper.
Still, when she found herself seated across from Luke at a table, she had to wonder whether she could really trust him. He’d been a man looking to get what he wanted; therefore, he’d shown only his most pleasing side.
When the waiter came and poured her a cup of tea, Nellie couldn’t help herself.
“What do you think of the roast beef?” she asked, pointing at the menu but leaning forward enough to spill the tea. All over Luke.
“Oh!” He jumped, but his gaze immediately went to Nellie. “You didn’t burn yourself, did you?”
She stared at him for a moment. She’d spilled the tea on him. On purpose. Well, not so he would know she’d done it on purpose. But when she’d accidentally spilled things at home, Ernest would yell at her, call her obscene names, and sometimes...
Nellie shook her head. “No. I’m terribly sorry. I was so engrossed in the menu, I’d forgotten the tea was there. I didn’t mean to be so careless.”
Kind eyes looked back at her. “Accidents happen. You’ll find, in a house full of children, we have our share of spills.” He dabbed at the mess with his napkin. “And it’s only tea. Easy enough to get out in the wash.”
The waiter rushed over with more tea and napkins.
“I do apologize,” Nellie told him. “I’m usually not so clumsy.”
With a smile, the waiter said, “It’s all right, miss. Happens all the time.”
“That’s just what I was telling her.” Luke sent another warm look her way. “I believe she’s a little nervous, as she’s just accepted my proposal of marriage.”
A broad smile lit up the waiter’s face. “Congratulations to you both.”
“Thank you,” Nellie said, feeling some of the heaviness leave her chest.
As soon as the waiter left, Luke leaned in. “I hope it’s all right that I said that. It occurred to me that you might be nervous about marrying me, which accounts for your accident. I know we’re strangers, but I hope that over the next couple of days, you can get to know me and feel more comfortable with your decision.”
His words already made her feel better about marrying him. After all, Ernest had wooed her with sweet words about her beauty and how much he loved her. Luke was more focused on making her feel at ease with him and the situation. Nellie couldn’t recall a time when Ernest had done the same. Even in public, he would have said something to belittle her.
“I appreciate that,” she said, smiling. “I hope I can do the same for you.”
He nodded slowly. “I just need to know you’ll be good to my children. Love them like your own. Keep the household running smoothly.”
Luke paused, looking around the room before bringing his attention back to her. “And I hope it’s not too much to ask, but I would dearly love a clean house. I hate to speak ill of the dead, but Diana was not much of a housekeeper.”
For a moment, Nellie looked at him, unsure what to make of the twinkle in his blue eyes. “What do you mean by not much of a housekeeper? My late husband was most particular, and I—”
Nellie gave an involuntary shudder, hating the memories that came to her, unbidden.
Luke leaned forward and placed his hands over hers. “We’ll come to an agreement, don’t you worry. I learned to do the dishes Diana left in the sink because she’d gotten carried away with visiting her friends, and I imagine if you can’t do things to my liking, I can do it myself. That’s what marriage is about. Finding ways to compromise and figuring out what’s most important.”
He gave her hands a squeeze, then leaned back in his chair. “The world didn’t end because the dishes didn’t get done in a timely manner. And now that Diana’s gone, I’m grateful her friends got that extra time with her. When you lose someone you love, you figure out that the battle you thought worth fighting shouldn’t have been fought at all. I’d do the dishes every single day if it meant having her back.”
With a slight shake of his head, Luke continued. “No disrespect to you, of course. I’m just saying that you don’t have to bend over backward to please me. All I ask is you do your best, and I promise to do the same for you.”
Tears filled Nellie’s eyes. She’d thought herself immune to a man’s sweet words. But these words held a different kind of sweetness—the hope that not all men were monsters. And perhaps even an answer to all the prayers she’d said on this journey. That she’d find someone who would be kind to her.
Chapter Two (#u3d7f5c88-2cb3-55cc-93f4-dfa2f100e961)
When they’d finished their meal, Luke escorted Nellie across town to the hotel where she’d been staying. Because she was a woman traveling alone, the respectable establishments had turned her away. Too many women of ill repute came under the guise of being a widow. Luke glanced at Nellie as she avoided a puddle. He couldn’t imagine anyone thinking so poorly of her, a genteel woman who’d clearly hit on hard times. The place she’d found was not in the best part of town, and Luke would feel better having her in his own hotel—in separate rooms, of course.
Though their conversation over dinner had turned to easier topics, Luke couldn’t get Nellie’s earlier reactions out of his head. She acted almost afraid, like she thought he might hurt her. He’d answered her questions about the house and the children, his expectations thereof. Almost like a job interview. But not.
Underlying it all was the tension of knowing he would be married to this woman, sharing his life with her. He and Diana had not spoken of these things prior to marriage. They’d flirted, talked about the weather, and when her parents weren’t looking, stolen a few kisses.
In his head, he’d firmly told himself he would not be kissing Nellie McClain. But every once in a while, he found his mind drifting.
Like now. Luke shook his head. “I’m sorry, could you please repeat that? I got distracted.”
“I was asking how you discipline the children.”
Luke followed her gaze to the entrance of a store, where a mother stood, scolding her child harshly. Even at a distance, Luke could see the fury in the woman’s eyes, her face red, as the child practically cowered before her. The little boy looked to be slightly older than his youngest, Maeve, and he seemed too young to have done anything so terrible.
Luke took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He hadn’t given his expectations of discipline much thought, but now that Nellie was asking, he realized he should have. How could he have thought to bring a woman into their lives without knowing how she’d treat them?
“I know conventional wisdom is that to spare the rod is to spoil the child, but I don’t believe in striking a child. I don’t know what that child did, and it’s not my place to judge, so perhaps I shouldn’t say anything, but I prefer to use other methods with my own children.” He glanced in the direction of the mother and child as they continued on their way.
Nellie nodded. “I agree with you on that. Corporal punishment only serves to create fear, and I wish for the children to learn about love.”
Clearly they agreed on parenting, but the tone in Nellie’s voice made Luke wonder if there wasn’t more to her words than what she was saying. Once again, Luke found himself wanting to ask Nellie more personal questions, to learn about this fear that seemed to be lurking underneath. Because she was afraid. What had her husband been like? Something deep inside Luke told him that he’d hurt her. Badly.
“You never said—how did your husband die?”
He watched as Nellie drew in a breath that caused her shoulders to shake slightly. How easily he’d strayed to a personal subject, even though he’d been doing his best not to.
“I’m sorry,” Luke said. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
She shook her head. “It’s all right. If we’re to be married, we should be able to answer one another’s questions.”
Looking as though she had to steel herself for the topic, Nellie straightened. “He was shot in a saloon for cheating at cards.”
What kind of man would do that to his wife? Luke’s stomach churned. “That must have been difficult for you. I’m sorry for your loss.”
“I’m not,” Nellie said quietly. “I didn’t approve of his lifestyle, and it caused me nothing but grief. Which is why I apologize if any of my questions seem impertinent, but had I known certain things about Ernest beforehand, I would have never married him.”
None of the reasons Luke previously had for wanting to marry Nellie seemed to matter now. Next to him was a deeply wounded woman, and his heart cried out for her. He wanted to help her. To heal her. He couldn’t give her his love, no, that would be too much for him. But he would show her that the things she hinted at, the things that lay beneath the surface of every line on her face, they were not true of every man.
“You can ask me all you want. I promise to give honest answers.” Luke sighed. “Though I suppose if your late husband cheated at cards, you probably have no reason to believe me.”
A tiny smile turned the corners of Nellie’s lips. “I’ve gotten good at telling when a man is lying. And I believe you.”
“Thank you.” Luke wasn’t sure why it mattered so much, but it felt good to know Nellie believed him.
“Might I ask how your wife died?”
He should have expected the question, but her words were like a shotgun blast to the chest.
Fighting the nausea that always came when he spoke of it, Luke took a deep breath as he looked at Nellie.
“She was serving with the church ministry to the miners. There was an explosion at the mine, and she was killed by falling rocks.” He shook his head, trying to banish the image of his wife’s lifeless body.
Nellie gave his arm a squeeze. “I’m so sorry for your loss. I heard you say at Mrs. Heatherington’s that you are angry with the church because of her death. I can understand why.”
“Thank you. I shouldn’t be bitter, but it’s hard. And it’s even harder walking through those doors and having everyone try to make up for something that can never be replaced. They say what I suppose are all the right things, but nothing can be said to erase the pain in my heart. All their words about God’s love—if God loved us so much, why would He have taken her from us?”
His voice shook as it always did when he spoke of Diana’s death, and Luke looked away, but Nellie held his arm tight. Hopefully she wouldn’t question him further on the topic or try to convince him that he needed to let go of his grief. People didn’t understand. He couldn’t... He just couldn’t.
It seemed wrong to talk about his late wife to the woman who would soon be his next wife. Especially when he knew that he would never be able to share the kind of love with Nellie that he had once had with Diana.
Even now, he couldn’t help but hate himself a little at the thought of marrying so soon after Diana’s death. It seemed an insult to her memory. But what other choice did he have?
Nellie gave his arm another squeeze. He was grateful for the convention of her taking his arm to be escorted through town, even if she held him a little too tight to be acceptable. Though he normally didn’t enjoy the comfort others offered, the genuine compassion Nellie showed him felt almost like a lifeline.
“Grief is a personal thing,” she said. “You need to mourn your wife in the way that is best for you. Sometimes I feel guilty for not mourning my husband, but that is my burden. I respect your need to deal with your wife’s death in your own way.”
He turned his attention back to her, noticing the tenderness in her eyes. Her response confirmed his belief that marrying Nellie was the right thing to do. Luke was tired of everyone telling him how to act after his loss. None of them knew what he was feeling. Even Pastor Lassiter, who had lost his own wife years ago, could not possibly understand the unbearable weight in Luke’s heart. Nellie was the first person who didn’t pretend to know what he was going through.
“Thank you,” he said. “I appreciate your understanding. I won’t ask the details of your marriage. I suspect you were not as blessed as I was, and for that I am truly sorry. Your late husband was a fool. Which is a pity, because even in the brief time I have known you, I can see that you are a wise and loving woman who deserved better.”
Luke placed his free hand over hers and gave her a squeeze. It felt nice to have another loving human touch that asked nothing of him and only sought to give.
A hint of pink tinged her cheeks, and she looked away briefly.
“Don’t do that,” Luke said. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I know there is not love between us, at least not the romantic kind. But even now, I care for you as a friend. As your friend, I don’t judge you for your lack of grief. Instead, I praise you for finding the strength to carry on and being willing to open your heart to me and my family.”
With a gentle smile, Nellie turned her attention back to him. “I consider you a friend, as well. Thank you for understanding my situation and being willing to accept what I have to give.”
“No thanks are needed. After all, you are doing me just as great a service. I believe we will get on together well.”
* * *
If Nellie needed any other convincing that marrying Luke was the right thing to do, this conversation had done the trick. He was a man with a good, loving heart. Luke deeply grieved his wife, and for that Nellie was thankful. It seemed odd to be thankful for a man’s grief, but it was an indication that he cared for others. What Nellie needed most was someone with strong compassion, someone who had the capability to love.
Not that Nellie desired love for herself, but if a man could love, he could be kind. In fact, it was a relief to know that Luke had buried his heart with his wife. He’d already loved someone, which meant he wouldn’t be falling in love with Nellie, and there would be no danger of her falling in love with him. A perfect match.
Or at least as perfect as Nellie could expect from a stranger. She could hear her mother’s voice in the back of her head, cautioning her that a man who didn’t love the Lord with all his heart was no man at all. But what did she know of Luke’s heart? Or of any man’s heart, for that matter? In the early years of their marriage, Ernest had been a churchgoing man, respected in their community. It wasn’t until the drinking and gambling had gotten out of hand that things started falling apart.
She should count it a blessing that Luke was honest about his relationship with God.
If only it wasn’t for the sinking feeling in her stomach telling her she shouldn’t settle for so little.
Nellie fought the urge to laugh at such ridiculousness. So little? She’d been offered the world with her first marriage. Everyone thought she’d done so well in marrying Ernest McClain. Look where that had gotten her.
Which left her here, walking through town with a stranger willing to marry her, because like Nellie, he was out of options. And as if Nellie needed any other reminders, they walked past a house of ill repute. Though it was too cold out for the ladies to be sitting on the porch, beckoning men to sample their wares, it was obvious they were inside, waiting.
Nellie shuddered. She’d been kept in a place like that. And she was never going back.
Luke pulled her closer to him. “I’m sorry we have to go past those places. You’ll find we have similar parts of town in Leadville, but our home is in a decent area where you won’t be bothered by the likes of them.”
Closing her eyes briefly, Nellie sent a silent prayer, thanking God for a husband who wanted a marriage in name only, but also asking Him to help keep her secret. She hadn’t been in that place willingly, but most people didn’t seem to understand that.
“On to more pleasant things,” Luke said, patting her hand. “How do you envision our wedding?”
As Nellie smiled back, she was grateful for the way Luke took her feelings into consideration. Though her late mother would have argued that Luke’s estrangement from the church was a large matter, each of these small kindnesses he continued showing her added up to be far more than any measurement Nellie could have given. Even before things got bad, Ernest had never been so considerate of Nellie. Her world had revolved around pleasing him—or facing the consequences.
Just because Luke struggled with his faith didn’t mean Nellie had to give up hers. Besides, it wasn’t as though she’d been a regular churchgoer herself. Ernest had forbidden her from going after they threw him out for showing up to service drunk, and Nellie had learned to observe her faith in her own quiet way.
Nothing would change in her faith if she married Luke.
Except she’d promised herself that when she finally found freedom, she’d throw herself into a church community and participate in every activity that had been denied her so long.
Would he make her break that promise?
“You do still want to marry me,” Luke said, looking down at her, “don’t you?”
Nellie met his gaze. “Of course I do. I was just thinking...”
Did she dare ask him about her reservations? They’d talked about everything else, and her faith was no small thing.
But she’d seen the flash in his eyes when he spoke of his anger at God. Everything else she’d done to test his character, to see if she could push him into the kind of rage she’d seen in Ernest...was it all to be for nothing if she didn’t pursue his potentially negative feelings now?
“I was just thinking about God. And church,” Nellie said firmly, looking him in the eye. They had paused in front of a church, and Nellie took that as a sign that they needed to have this conversation.
Luke didn’t flinch. “You’re worried my anger at God would prevent you from going?”
Nellie seemed hardly able to draw a breath. It was as though he could read her thoughts.
She nodded slowly, her eyes searching his, looking for a hint of the rage she so feared. Had she provoked him this time? Better now than after the wedding, when she wouldn’t be able to undo her mistake.
If marrying Luke was a mistake, she’d figure that out before they went through with it. Never again would she endure the pain she’d suffered during her marriage to Ernest. The coins she’d sewn in the waistband of her skirt and hidden in the toe of her shoe didn’t amount to much, but it would give her enough. Nellie had learned a few tricks of her own from Earnest’s vile friends. Never put all your coins in one place. She would always be able to escape.
If Luke revealed a temper, best to end things now.
“My quarrel is with God alone,” Luke said slowly. “I do not fault others for not sharing my anger. I would not ask anyone to bear the burden I carry. You’re free to worship as you choose.” His face darkened slightly as he took a deep breath. “Though I would ask it not include me. Save your sermons and conversion speeches for those who need it. I am not among them.”
As Nellie searched his expression, she could find no hint of violence, no sign that he would hurt her if she disobeyed him.
“All right,” she said quietly. “I can agree to that.”
Luke let out a long sigh as he turned toward the church. “I suppose you’ll want a church wedding.”
“No,” Nellie said. “I would be happy visiting a justice of the peace. But there is your family to consider. What would be best for them?”
Luke frowned, as if he had already thought that far ahead and was troubled by the answer. “I don’t know. Ruby will be angry, because she feels as though she has taken her mother’s place. I told her I was considering taking another wife, and she doesn’t believe it’s necessary. She thinks she is running the household just fine.”
As Luke shook his head, Nellie gave his arm another squeeze. It seemed slightly inappropriate that they were behaving in so familiar a manner so soon. Yet Nellie found great comfort in a man’s gentle touch, a touch void of violence and with no expectation other than that of being a friend.
“Ruby is but a child. It’s not right to ask her to give up her childhood. She disagrees, but that belief comes from a child’s mind. The others...” Luke shook his head again. “Amos seems content enough. He fights with his sister because he doesn’t like her bossing him around. And he has a point. She oversteps, but there is no one else to be in that place. I keep thinking if they had a mother, they could return to being siblings, and maybe even friends.”
Luke looked at her and smiled. “Maeve is a delight. Sometimes it’s frustrating that she has no memory of her mother. But she needs one, desperately. She needs a woman’s gentle touch. A grown woman, not her sister, because a sister is not like a mother, and Maeve needs both.”
Clearly Luke had given this matter a great deal of thought. He cared for his children and wanted only the very best for them. Though Nellie’s reasons for marrying him were selfish, she could at least do some good here.
“I’m grateful to be allowed the chance to give your children the mother they need. It won’t be easy, because I’m sure the older two miss their mother dearly. But I hope you’ll aid me in keeping her memory alive for them and letting them know that a person’s heart is big enough to allow two mothers to love a child.”
“That is exactly how I feel,” Luke said. “But my children will take some convincing. Which is why I like your idea of simply going to see the justice of the peace. I don’t have any family to invite to a wedding, other than the children. I think the gesture will be lost on them.”
Then he turned his gaze to her, his face full of thoughts she hadn’t yet learned how to decipher.
“What about your family? Will they be disappointed at you not having a wedding?”
With a sigh, Nellie thought briefly about her sister. “My parents are dead. All I have is my sister, Mabel. But she is too far away to come for a wedding, and after my last marriage, I can’t see her appreciating our circumstances.”
That, and letting Mabel know where to find Nellie could put Mabel’s family in danger. When Nellie had gone to Mabel for help after Ernest’s death, Ernest’s men told Mabel that if she ever helped Nellie again, they would harm Mabel’s family. Given that they had already burned down Mabel’s barn, Nellie knew these were not idle threats. When Nellie escaped to come West, she promised herself that she would never again put her sister at risk. Though Nellie longed to see her sister again, she had no idea whether or not those men would go back to Mabel looking for Nellie. If Mabel knew nothing, she would be safe.
“If she ever wants to visit, your sister would be most welcome. Once our family is firmly established, perhaps we can go see her.”
Tears filled Nellie’s eyes. It seemed like such a small gesture, yet Luke’s willingness to include her family was almost a dream come true. Ernest had discouraged Nellie from spending much time with her sister. Even though they lived in nearby neighborhoods in St. Louis, Ernest always found excuses for the families not to get together. Granted, Mabel lived on a farm at the edge of town, but it was an easy ride and not too difficult a walk to the neighborhood where Nellie had lived.
Once again, Luke gave Nellie a tender look. “I know how hard it is to be so far from family. Even worse when your family does not understand your choices. Neither of our families approved when Diana and I chose to move West. But it was what we had to do.”
Luke appeared lost in memories of Diana for a moment. Nellie was struck again by the deep love Luke had for his late wife. But this wasn’t just about what Luke had lost. It was about how much more he was still willing to give.
“So it’s settled, then,” Nellie said, smiling at him, turning her back on the quaint little church. “We shall visit the justice of the peace and be married. Then we can return to your home with me as your wife, and I will care for your children.”
Luke looked at her. “Is it really that simple?”
“It does seem odd, doesn’t it?”
Though many people would make the argument that Luke and Nellie didn’t know each other nearly long enough to marry, sometimes time wasn’t what was needed. Ernest had courted Nellie for nearly a year, yet she hadn’t known all the reasons not to marry him. In these few short hours of knowing Luke, Nellie had never been more certain of a person’s character. With their hasty marriage, it gave Nellie a way to hide, but also a second chance at a life she’d always dreamed of living—that of a wife and mother.
When Nellie had come up with her plan, she felt guilty at the thought of attaching herself to a man who might someday fall in love with her. The place in her heart that allowed a person to fall in love was so firmly locked tight, it would never open. But with Luke, she had no reason to feel guilty. His heart was in no danger of becoming entangled with hers.
Briefly, Nellie thought about the men who were after her. She’d done so much to protect Mabel. Though Nellie was reasonably certain that they would leave her alone if she was married, part of her wondered, was she putting Luke and his children in danger?
Nellie shook her head. She hadn’t come straight to Denver from St. Louis. She’d traveled to several places looking for a fresh start. And then she’d seen it. The ad for Mrs. Heatherington’s Matchmaking Service. She’d liked Mrs. Heatherington’s descriptions of mail-order matches gone wrong. It was easy enough to lie over letters, claiming to be of greater beauty than one had, to possess qualities or characteristics that didn’t exist, and to so completely miserably represent oneself as to be perpetuating a lie. It had given Nellie comfort to think that someone would examine a potential match and weed out men who would not be a good choice.
And so, Nellie had boarded the train to Denver. She’d been careful in all her journeys, giving false names, wearing clothes that would make her appear completely unremarkable and even going so far as to purchase tickets under her own name for destinations she had no intention of ever visiting. Yes, it had cost her nearly all that remained of the meager funds she’d squirreled away and hidden in the hollow of a tree at the back of her former property. The house had to be sold once Ernest died. Or at least that was what the men had told her. When she’d finally escaped, the house appeared unoccupied. But she knew they would look for her there. However, the money had still been where she’d hidden it. So she’d taken her money and run.
None of the men would suspect that Nellie had the means for so much travel. But she’d been careful anyway. There was no reason she should ever be found.
Luke took a step forward. “We need to continue on,” he said. “I’m not very familiar with Denver, and I have no idea where we would go to be married. If we were in Leadville, I suppose I should ask Pastor Lassiter to marry us. But I cannot, will not, bring myself to ask for his help. I know he wants to, and I know he means well. Many say that he genuinely cares about my circumstances. But I also can’t help but wonder if he’s trying to help me out of his own feelings of guilt. He made the decision to send the ladies to the mine to serve the miners.”
Nellie squeezed his arm and smiled. “I do not know the man, so I cannot say. I hope you don’t mind, but I believe I will leave my judgment of the pastor until I have met him myself. I know you are not comfortable with the church, but it would be good for the children if you allowed me to bring them.”
A sad smile found its way onto Luke’s face. “Of course. I have been neglecting their spiritual education. Diana’s friends have asked me if I might allow them to bring the children to church.”
Luke’s shoulders sagged as he shook his head. “I know my children need to go to church. But if I allow them to go, people will see that their clothes need mending, and though I am not ashamed of my children, they will feel compelled to once again step in and help me. I cannot bear such a thing. I don’t want to hear how my home needs a woman’s touch. Or that this is no life for a child. I don’t want people questioning my decisions, telling me how I ought to be raising my children. Nor do I want their charity. Most of all, I cannot bear the weight of any more of their pity.”
How interesting that Luke was a man of such pride. Though pride was a sin, and Nellie often thought it to be a terrible flaw in a man, something about the wounds in Luke’s pride made Nellie want to hold him tight and tell him everything would be all right. Unlike Ernest, who had reacted with his fists when his pride was wounded, Luke seemed to withdraw into the shame and do everything he could to make things right on his own.
None of this was Luke’s fault. He’d lost his wife, and in some ways, lost his way. The grief would have to be worked out on its own. But Nellie could help with the other things. Their home would once again have a woman’s touch. The children would go back to wearing clean, neat clothing. They would be well fed and well kept, and everyone who saw them would see that the Jeffries family was doing very well indeed.
“You don’t have to bear that weight alone. I promise to do my very best to make sure there is no reason for such pity to be bestowed upon us. In the eyes of everyone else, you are moving on with your life. You’ve given your children a mother to care for them, and I promise to take that duty seriously.”
Luke let out a long sigh as they crossed the street. “Do you know how frustrating it is to be mad at God, to be so angry with Him, and yet want to thank Him for how wonderfully He is arranging matters for your family?” Then Luke shook his head again. “But if it were not for God taking my wife away from me, He would not need to be providing for us now. So how am I supposed to feel? It is still God’s fault that all of this has happened to us. I am still so angry, so hurt, and it seems almost an insult that He’s choosing to remember our family now.”
Anger vibrated out from Luke’s body. Of all the men she’d known with the right to be angry, Luke had the greatest. But in his expression of anger, he did not raise his voice. He did not get violent. Rather, he seemed to be filled with such a profound sadness that only the weight of his bones was keeping him upright.
“I can’t pretend to understand your level of anger at God. But I agree with you—it seems terribly unfair. I won’t always understand how your children feel, but I will offer to them the same compassion I’m giving to you.”
Luke nodded slowly. “I have never known such compassion. You do not understand what a gift it is to be allowed to feel what you feel. You’re the only person who hasn’t tried talking me out of my anger at God. I suppose some might see that as a lack of faith. But I think you know that this is between me and God. It is something I must work out on my own.”
He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. Gently. Not like a lover’s kiss, or even that of a dashing suitor. But something that reminded her of the warm kiss of her sister’s greetings. Comforting. Safe.
“Thank you,” Luke said. “Most of the time, I feel as though I am suffocating from the weight of all that I must deal with. Everyone wants to take it away and make it disappear, but it’s not that simple. You seem to know that. Instead, you are offering me a lifeline, choosing to walk alongside me and giving me what I need without lectures or judgment.”
“I am not one to judge,” Nellie said quietly. After all, hadn’t she done many things others would judge her for? Even as she stole a glance at the man who was to be her husband, her stomach churned at the thought of him finding out all of her secrets. Though she reminded herself that he’d been firm in saying he wanted a marriage in name only, the uneasy feeling didn’t go away. There was no reason for him to know everything.
But as they passed another place that looked a little too much like where Ernest’s creditors had kept her, Nellie couldn’t help but think herself a terrible person for hiding so much from him.
Chapter Three (#u3d7f5c88-2cb3-55cc-93f4-dfa2f100e961)
They took the train to Leadville a couple days later, man and wife. Such an odd thing, how quickly it had all happened. Just a few days ago he’d been a total stranger. But wasn’t that what they’d both sought? Mail-order spouses were also strangers, and Nellie would like to think that at least she and Luke had come to respect one another prior to their marriage.
Had she made the right decision? Nellie stole a glance at Luke, who seemed to be engrossed in reading his paper. Was he really the kind man she thought him to be, or had she misinterpreted the situation? Nellie pressed her hand against the waistband of her dress, where she’d sewn her coins. Though some had told her to sew money into the hem of her skirt, it was more comforting to be able to feel her money close to her. As she wiggled her toes, she felt the other coins, a secondary source of protection. If Luke was not as he seemed, she at least had enough for train fare. Where she would go, she did not know. But at least this time, she had a way out.
Was it wrong for her to have a plan in case things didn’t work out the way they’d hoped? Most people didn’t get married with such a plan. But most people hadn’t been married to Ernest.
Luke patted her leg. Then he pointed out the window. “Look! Leadville is just ahead.”
He craned forward, and if he could have stuck his head out the window, he probably would have. For the first time since they’d gotten on the train, a wide smile filled his face. Though she’d always believed in the saying “Handsome is as handsome does,” she couldn’t help but think he looked handsome, with his blond hair, blue eyes and infectious smile. Fortunately, his looks were not nearly as important as the other things that had drawn her to him. She knew better than to be swayed by a pleasant smile.
“I’m so excited for you to meet the children. I can’t believe I’ve been gone so long. Until this trip to Denver, I haven’t been away from them overnight.” With a sigh, Luke shook his head. “At least not since Diana died. Before she died, before we came to Leadville, I was often away, trying to find work to support my family. This job in Leadville gave me the chance to come home to my family every night. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to see my children every day.”
This man couldn’t possibly be a charlatan. Nellie smoothed the top of her bodice over her skirt, grateful the material was thick enough to hide the outlines of the coins. Hopefully she would never have to use them. Funny how life turned out. The whole reason she’d been saving this money to begin with had been to leave Ernest. But she hadn’t gotten the chance before he’d sold her. And then he died.
At least now, Nellie knew how little she could survive on. If things with Luke got bad, she wouldn’t stay as long as she had with Ernest. But as Luke waved out the window at a woman standing with three children, Nellie prayed she would never have to leave. Watching the mutual delight on the faces of father and children, part of her felt as though she’d finally come home.
“I assume those are your children there,” she said. “Who is the woman with them?”
Luke turned to Nellie. “That’s Myrna Fitzgerald, our neighbor. Her daughter, Ellen, was good friends with Diana. Ellen was injured in the mine accident. I suppose it sounds odd, but I feel more comfortable asking the Fitzgeralds for help, considering they, too, suffered. Myrna’s husband, Seamus, is my boss. In many ways, the Fitzgeralds are like a surrogate family. Our daughter Maeve is named for Myrna, whose middle name is Maeve. She assisted Diana greatly when we first came here.”
Then Luke let out a long sigh as he gestured for Nellie to stand. “I hope it doesn’t make me sound ungrateful, not letting them do more. They often ask, but they have their own family, their own lives. I do not wish to impose. Still, I hope you will look to them as friends. They’ve been in Leadville for a long time and can teach you much of what you need to know.”
As Nellie stood, she smiled up at him. “I will be grateful for their assistance. But don’t worry, I also don’t like to overstay my welcome. I’m sure it will all work out just fine.”
Though lines still creased Luke’s forehead, he smiled and nodded. “I’m glad. Seamus thought me foolish in my pursuit of a mail-order bride. The Fitzgeralds want me to find love again, but they don’t understand. No one does.”
Nellie grasped Luke’s hand and squeezed. “It’s all right. None of that matters now. You don’t need to feel the pressure of trying to attain something that is not possible. We know where we stand with each other, and it’s enough.”
But as they exited the train, and Luke let go of her hand before they came into view of his family, insecurity thrummed at her insides. Of course he wouldn’t want his family to see him holding a strange woman’s hand. It was ridiculous of her to worry about such a small gesture. And yet, losing the warmth of his touch made Nellie feel more alone than she could have imagined.
She fell in step behind him, noting his quick pace. Indeed, the closer he came to his family, the lighter his steps seemed to be.
Nellie watched as Luke scooped up a little girl into his arms. That must be Maeve. Two other children, presumably Ruby and Amos, wrapped their arms around him. Contentment filled Nellie as she saw the genuine affection between father and children. A man who raised his fists to others could not possibly incite such warmth upon his return.
After a few minutes, Luke released the older children and shifted Maeve to his hip. “Thank you,” he said to Mrs. Fitzgerald. “My trip was a success.”
Then Luke stepped aside and, for the first time, gestured toward Nellie. “There is someone I would like you to meet.”
“I told you we didn’t need a nanny.” Ruby stamped her foot and glared at Nellie.
“She’s not a nanny,” Luke said. “This is my wife, Nellie.”
The two older children frowned, and Maeve merely looked confused. Nellie stepped forward, trying to quell the butterflies in her stomach as she smoothed her bodice over her skirt once more.
“It is a pleasure to meet you. Your father has told me many wonderful things about you. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.”
Ruby’s scowl deepened. Her glare burned hotter than any fire Nellie had ever seen. “I can’t say the same for you,” she said. “I know I’m supposed to be polite, but it’s even more wrong to lie. We don’t want you here. We don’t need you here. It would be better for all of us if you just got back on the train and went home.”
A child’s words weren’t supposed to sting, and Nellie should have been prepared for the immediate rejection. But something cold twisted in Nellie’s insides at the way Ruby looked at her.
“Ruby!” Luke admonished his daughter. “Nellie is my wife. She’s not going anywhere. And I will not have you talking to her like that. She’s a fine woman and will take good care of you all. This is for the benefit of our family.”
“Have you forgotten Mama? How could you try to replace her?” Tears filled Ruby’s eyes as she stepped right up to Nellie. “I hate you, and you will never be my mother.”
Before Nellie could answer, Ruby turned and ran through the crowd. She should have known this wasn’t going to be easy. Nellie took a step forward, but Luke held out his free hand. “No,” he said. “I should go.”
He held out Maeve to Nellie. “Maevey, Papa will be back soon. Be a good girl for Nellie.”
As Nellie took the little girl, Luke turned his attention to Amos. “Please be good for Nellie.”
The little boy nodded but did not speak.
“Myrna, could you please show Nellie to our house? Help her get settled?”
With a sigh, Luke turned his attention to Nellie. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know she would react this way. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
Before either Nellie or Mrs. Fitzgerald could answer, Luke was gone. Nellie didn’t blame him. The worry for his daughter’s safety was written all over his face. Though many of the new arrivals on the train had already left the station, several people still milled about, and this was no place for a child on her own. Even one who thought she was an adult.
“Well,” Mrs. Fitzgerald said. “Isn’t this a fine pickle we’re all in?”
“I’m so sorry for the trouble,” Nellie said. “I would greatly appreciate any assistance you can give.”
Mrs. Fitzgerald nodded slowly. “I suppose this wasn’t quite the situation advertised. It never is. But I do hope you’ll give it a chance before getting back on the train.”
“Who said I was leaving? I know we didn’t do it right and proper in a church, but I am legally Luke’s wife. I have the papers in my bag to prove it.” Nellie gestured to the bag one of the porters had set beside her. “Which means I made a promise. And you don’t break a promise simply because a child doesn’t like it.”
Adjusting Maeve on her hip, Nellie bent in front of Amos. “I know I am not your mother, but I promised your father I would help him, and that I would look after you. So let’s get to know one another and see if we can’t find a way to someday be friends.”
Bright blue eyes that matched his father’s looked up at Nellie. “Do I have to call you mama?”
“You may call me Nellie, or any other name you choose. As long as it’s nice. I know you love your mother very much, and it’s all right to miss her. I hope you will teach me some of the traditions she taught you so that we may continue them. I want you to remember her fondly. From what your father tells me, she was a good woman, and you are very blessed to have had her.”
Nellie knew her speech was inadequate, given the circumstances, but hopefully it would be enough to earn the boy’s trust.
“Can you make chocolate cake?” he asked.
“I can,” Nellie said. “I can cook a good many things, and I would be pleased to prepare your favorite meals, if you will tell me what they are.” She gave him a smile, hoping he’d see her as someone he could count on, rather than an adversary.
“Anything but eggs,” Amos said, sighing. “I sure am tired of eating eggs all the time. That’s about all Ruby can cook, and when she tries other things, they’re disgusting.”
“I’m sure Ruby does her best. You should be grateful for a sister who takes such good care of you. But hopefully, now that I’m here, you two can go back to being friends and playing with each other, and I will take care of the family.”
Again, she tried to sound as pleasant as she could. At least he wasn’t running away, too.
Amos nodded as he eyed her. “I suppose we can give it a try. So long as we get chocolate cake once in a while. I do like chocolate cake, and the only time I get it is if we go to the Fitzgeralds’ house or if there is a special dinner at church. But Papa doesn’t let us go to church anymore.”
Then he looked up at Mrs. Fitzgerald. “And Papa says it’s rude to always ask Mrs. Fitzgerald to make us chocolate cake. So I suppose, if you’re Papa’s wife, I can ask you.”
The little boy looked rather pleased with himself as he came to this conclusion. Nellie smiled. Clearly winning him over wouldn’t be as difficult as his older sister. And Maeve was already playing with the locket Nellie wore around her neck.
“How about, once I’m able to assess the situation at the house and find out how much money I’m allowed for groceries, I can make us a nice meal to celebrate our marriage, and we’ll have chocolate cake for dessert?”
Mrs. Fitzgerald smiled as she joined the conversation. “I think that sounds like a lovely idea. However, may I suggest that you allow me to prepare a wedding supper for you both and invite our friends and neighbors so they may all meet you? I’m sure you are probably eager to get settled in your own home and prepare your family’s meals. However, I think it would be best for you to take the time to get to know your household first.”
“I would greatly appreciate it,” Nellie said. “But I would like to check with Luke to make sure he has no objection.”
This was one more thing they hadn’t discussed. What were the rules about entertaining? Did Luke have friends other than the Fitzgeralds and those at church he was currently avoiding? Longing filled Nellie’s heart as she remembered how Ernest had cut her off from all social interactions, save for when she was required to serve him and his friends. She’d become a maid rather than a wife.
What role would she play in Luke’s home? The children had been expecting a nanny, not a mother, and though Nellie would not expect them to accept her as such so soon, what was she to be to them? A glorified servant? Or something more?
Her stomach twisted again as she realized she did not know the answer.
Fortunately, Mrs. Fitzgerald’s smile eased some of Nellie’s nervousness. At least to this woman, Nellie was something more than a mere servant. Perhaps in time, they could be friends.
“Absolutely. However, I must insist that you and the family dine with us tonight because I know the state of your kitchen, and it is too much to ask of any woman to come home after such a journey and be expected to prepare a meal.”
Nellie smiled at the other woman. “I accept. Thank you for your kindness. Luke has spoken of your friendship, and I can already see why he values you so.” Maeve began fussing like she wanted to get down and play. Nellie patted her back gently. “There now, we’ll be home soon and then you can be free, and your brother can show me around.”
Nellie smiled at Amos. “Will you help show me around until your father gets back?”
“Like I’m the boss?”
Nellie grinned. She supposed it was wrong to capitalize on the fact that Luke had told her Amos resented being bossed around by his older sister. But at least it was a way for Nellie to relate to the boy.
“In a manner, I suppose. We all know that the real boss is your father. And though you’re supposed to listen to me, I could use some help. Does that sound good enough to you?”
Amos nodded slowly. “You aren’t gonna make me take a bath, are you?”
“Does your father make you take baths?”
“Sometimes,” Amos mumbled.
Nellie ruffled the little boy’s hair, noting that there didn’t appear to be any lice or other creatures of concern, though it could use a good washing. “I’ll tell you what,” she said. “I do think it’s important for people to take baths. And it sounds like your father agrees. But I won’t make you take a bath until we’ve all discussed it as a family and determined what night bath night is.”
“Saturday,” Amos said, sounding disappointed that he wasn’t going to get out of taking a bath, but as he smiled at her, she realized he was also probably relieved that she wasn’t going to insist on baths more often.
Though Nellie probably would make changes to the family routine as time went on, for now, her plan was to do her best to keep them all on a comfortable schedule. As they seemed ready to make changes, Nellie would discuss them with Luke, seeking his advice. After all, they were partners. Or would be in time, once they got more comfortable with each other.
Mrs. Fitzgerald tucked her arm into Nellie’s free arm. “I’ll be honest. I tried talking Luke out of this foolish plan. But now that you’ve come, and I see that you have the family’s best interests at heart, I think this will work out very well. Luke is too proud to ask for help, too proud to accept it.” With a grin, Mrs. Fitzgerald gave her a squeeze. “But perhaps a wife is exactly what he needs. Someone to help him, without it feeling like an injury to his pride.”
Clearly this other woman understood Nellie’s husband very well. And based on Mrs. Fitzgerald’s warm welcome, Nellie’s nervousness at the family’s reactions to her was just silly jitters. She was meant to be here, with this family, and someday they’d find their way together.
Nellie just hoped that despite the rocky start, at least with Ruby, everything would turn out all right. Not that Nellie had expected a warm reception, but as she thought about the hatred in the little girl’s eyes, the anger, the fear, Nellie knew that the victories she had so far secured were very small compared to the battles that lay ahead.
* * *
Luke had been searching for the better part of an hour, and he still hadn’t found Ruby. He’d known that Ruby especially would not immediately welcome Nellie with open arms. But to be so hateful? To run? This was not the daughter he knew and loved.
Had Luke made a mistake in marrying Nellie so quickly?
He thought it best to present them with the deed already done. That way, they would have to accept it. But perhaps he had been wrong. Perhaps he should have given them more time to get used to the idea. Though he’d been telling them for weeks that he was seeking a wife, it still clearly hadn’t been enough time.
Luke rounded the corner to the livery. Ruby often came here to pet the horses because they could not afford one of their own. Living in town, within walking distance to everything they needed, it seemed like a wasteful expense. But his daughter dearly loved horses.
“Hello, Wes,” Luke said to the proprietor as he entered the stable. “You haven’t seen my daughter, have you?”
Wes nodded but put his finger to his lips. “I hear you brought yourself home a wife.”
His daughter was here. Luke’s shoulders relaxed slightly as he felt his breathing return to normal. And Ruby had at least confided in someone about her pain.
“I did. I’ll always love Diana, and we all miss her deeply, but our house needs a woman’s touch. I know Ruby says she doesn’t mind taking care of the others and the house, but I want more for her. I want her to have the chance to go outside and play with her friends the way her brother does. I want her to go to school and not make up ridiculous excuses about why she needs to stay home for her siblings. And though I know everyone is happy to watch Maeve while I work, I will feel better knowing there is a woman dedicated to her care who is always with her and will watch over her the way I would.”
Wes nodded slowly. “And love? Have you thought of that?”
It was the same question Mrs. Heatherington had asked. Luke nodded slowly, remembering Nellie’s wisdom. “There are all kinds of love. Just because it doesn’t look like what Diana and I shared doesn’t mean Nellie and I cannot care for each other in different ways. We are of the same mind, Nellie and I, and I believe we will get on quite well together. She is a very good woman, and I would not trust my children with her otherwise.”
“Many a man has married for less,” Wes said. “I wish you all the best. Be gentle with Ruby. She doesn’t understand the ways of the adults. And she’s angry that you would forsake her mother so easily.”
Luke’s throat tightened. If only he’d had another choice. But he didn’t, not if he wanted Ruby to have any kind of decent life. How was he supposed to get his daughter to understand that, when she believed it was her duty to take on her mother’s responsibilities?
“I have not forsaken Diana. Some days, I wonder how I can even breathe without her by my side. But she is not here, and I am, so I must make the best decisions I can without her. I believe that Diana would not want our children to muddle through the way they have been.”
“You didn’t even ask us,” Ruby said, coming around from behind the counter. “We didn’t want a new mother. We told you not to look for a new wife. I took all those ads you tried to send and burned them in the fire so no one would come. Why didn’t you give up?”
At least now Luke knew why no one had ever answered his ads. “What you did was wrong,” he said. “You can’t meddle with someone’s personal correspondence. If you had concerns about my search for a bride, then you should have discussed them with me.”
Tears streamed down Ruby’s face, leaving little trails in the dust on her cheeks. She must have accumulated it while hiding in the horse stalls. “I did! I told you we didn’t need a mother. I was doing fine on my own. I am nearly eleven years old, almost a grown woman. I can do all the things a mother can do.”
Luke sighed. His daughter was partially right. But Ruby didn’t understand that a child needed more in a mother than she could provide.
“I know you can do everything around the house,” Luke said. “But I want you to have a better life than that. I know you don’t like to hear it, but can you try to understand that I only have your best interests at heart?”
Tears filled her eyes again. “But you didn’t even let us help you pick her out.”
“Well, maybe if you hadn’t burned all my letters, we could’ve read the responses as a family, and I would’ve allowed you to share your thoughts. But you thought you knew better than your father, and you took matters into your own hands. You don’t have the knowledge and experience that I do. That Nellie does. But we can help you, if you let us.”
His daughter’s face softened, and Luke hoped it was a sign that she was finally beginning to see reason.
Luke held his arms out to her, but Ruby didn’t budge. She stood there, tears rolling down her cheeks, sadness in her eyes. His daughter’s heart was breaking, and as much as Luke wanted to help, there wasn’t anything he could do. Nothing would bring her mother back.
“But we don’t need her help. We’re doing just fine.”
Luke took a step closer to his daughter. “Didn’t you just say that it was wrong to lie?”
“We are!” Ruby’s voice wavered. “Don’t you always say that as long as we have each other, we have enough?”
“And we do. But we also need help. I know you think you can do it all, but you’re not ready yet.” Luke held his hand out to his daughter again. “I need you to trust me. Have I ever done anything to hurt you?”
Ruby started to shake her head no, but then she nodded. “Yes. You married that woman without telling us.”
As if a grown man needed permission to take a wife. Luke sighed. “Other than that? Have I ever done anything else to hurt you?”
“No.” Ruby sniffled loudly, then wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve.
“Then let’s focus on that. Remember all the times that I’ve looked out for you. I’m still doing the very best I can to give you and your siblings a good life. Nellie has promised to do the same. I’m just asking you to give it a chance.”
Ruby took a step closer to him, coming almost to his arms, but still out of reach. “What if she is not so nice after all?”
Taking a deep breath, Luke considered this. What if Nellie wasn’t good for his children? Luke shook his head. Of course she would be.
“We’ll find a way to work it out,” he said.
“But what if she’s really terrible? Will you send her away?”
Luke couldn’t imagine making such a decision because he couldn’t imagine Nellie doing anything so bad. But the hopeful look in his daughter’s eyes made him realize that if she thought there was a chance to get rid of Nellie, she would try. It was a sad thing to acknowledge about one’s own daughter, but until Ruby had confessed that she’d burned his letters, he would have never believed her capable of such a thing. Which meant Nellie was in for a far more difficult time than Luke would have imagined.
“I understand what you’re trying to say,” Luke said slowly. “But that is a decision and a discussion best left to adults. Nellie is here to stay. When you marry someone, you make the promise to stay married until death parts you. I made that promise to Nellie.”
Wes stepped around the counter and put his arm around Ruby. It pained Luke to see someone doing for his daughter what he wished he could do himself. But at least Ruby had someone she felt was on her side.
“It’s hard losing a parent,” Wes said. “But your father’s right—nothing’s going to bring your mother back. As hard as it is, we have to find a way to keep living the best we can without them. This Nellie woman, I know she’s not your mother. But I know your father and I trust his judgment. All he ever thinks about is what’s best for you and your brother and sister. If he thinks Nellie will do right by you, I believe him.”
Wes squatted so he was eye to eye with Ruby. “But if you run into trouble, you come see me, and I’ll do what I can to help.”
The glower didn’t leave Ruby’s face. “I didn’t ask for her to come. I don’t want her here.”
Wes nodded thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. “But she’s here. And a lady of the house makes everyone feel welcome, whether they are wanted, needed or asked for. Even the most unwelcome guest deserves to be treated with kindness and respect.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ruby asked, her voice quivering.
Wes looked at her tenderly. “I think you know what I mean. You haven’t even given Nellie a chance. And I’m sure she is feeling pretty terrible right about now.”
“Doesn’t it matter that I’m feeling pretty terrible?”
The righteous indignance on his daughter’s face made Luke want to smile. But that probably wouldn’t serve any good purpose.
“Of course it does,” Luke said, joining Wes in front of Ruby. “And I truly am sorry that I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. But what’s done is done, and the best we can do is move forward with grace. And it would mean a lot to me, to our family, if you would at least try.”
Ruby nodded, sniffed some more and once again wiped her face with the back of her sleeve. Then she squared her shoulders and looked at her father.
“I won’t call her mama. Or mother.”
They hadn’t discussed what the children were to call Nellie, and though Luke promised her that they would be a team, he hoped she would understand him making this decision without her.
“You can call her Nellie if you like.”
Ruby nodded. “I don’t want her acting like a mother to me. No kissing, no hugging, no tucking me in at night. I will not treat her like a mother. I will not forget my mother, and nothing you say or do will make me.”
Tears stung the backs of Luke’s eyes at his daughter’s insistence on clinging to her mother. He knew the children missed her, but it hadn’t occurred to him that bringing Nellie in would make them think that he wanted to deny their memories of her.
“I’m glad,” he said. “I wouldn’t ask that of you. Nor would Nellie.”
This time, when Luke held out his arms to his daughter, she came. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, kissing the top of her head.
“I love you, my sweet Ruby. I know it’s hard, and I’m sorry. I miss your mother every day, and I know you do, too. But we need Nellie. You probably don’t care about this part, but something tells me that she needs us. So let’s all do the best we can to be there for each other, even if it’s not the situation we want for ourselves.”
Ruby nodded slowly, her tears wetting the front of Luke’s shirt. She squeezed him back, and it felt good to be in his daughter’s embrace. And he hoped it felt good to her, as well. Even if she didn’t realize it now, he would always be there for her, always support her, always love her.
“Do you really miss her?” Big blue eyes like her mother’s looked up at him, searching his heart, then breaking it.
“I’ve told you I do.”
“Not very often,” she said. “Sometimes I think you don’t remember her at all.”
Her words turned his insides. Once again, Luke heard Nellie’s voice in the back of his head giving him permission to grieve the way he felt he needed to.
“Missing a person looks different to everyone,” he said. “I’m sorry that you can’t see inside my heart, but the pain of living every day without your mother is there. Nellie isn’t meant to take that away. But she can make some of the things that I’m struggling to do on my own a little easier. I need another adult in my life to help me. I know you want to be that person, but it has to be someone else.”
“All right,” Ruby said, sighing. “I don’t like this, not at all.”
Luke sighed. Ruby wasn’t bending on this point, but at least she’d somewhat agreed to cooperate. He supposed, for today at least, that that was as much of a victory as he could hope for.
Chapter Four (#u3d7f5c88-2cb3-55cc-93f4-dfa2f100e961)
Luke hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d said his home was small. The tiny cabin was but one room, containing a small stove in the corner that looked like it was used for both heating and cooking, though Nellie had no idea how anything could be cooked on such a contraption. Shelves along one wall contained what appeared to be the family’s meager supplies and very few dishes. A table and chairs sat on one end of the room, awkward and lopsided, like they had been placed there as temporary furnishings, and they’d never gotten around to finding something permanent. The sitting area seemed like another thrown-together spot, with mismatched furniture that appeared to be other people’s castoffs. Though Nellie understood why Luke had been hoping for a clean house, she could see the potential in this space to make it a home.
On the far wall, Nellie could see the makeshift ladder built into the wood to gain access to what she imagined must be the sleeping loft. The only other furnishing in the room was an old trunk, probably full of the other household goods. But as Nellie looked around the room, she saw there was no place to put anything else. She glanced at the two bags she’d brought with her. They seemed to eat up the remaining space in the place, and though she’d once lamented the loss of most of her personal belongings, Nellie couldn’t help but be grateful now that she’d had to leave almost everything behind. There’d be no place to put it.
“It’s not much, I know,” Mrs. Fitzgerald said from behind her. “Luke was going to add another room before Diana’s passing, but since she’s been gone, I think he’s lacked the motivation. Perhaps now...”
Her voice trailed off as she probably thought she’d overstepped. Nellie turned to her and smiled.
“It’s all right, Mrs. Fitzgerald. I know you mean well. Change will take time, and that’s all right. I’ve been in worse situations, and I know how to make the best of things.”
Nellie set Maeve down, and the little girl immediately scrambled up the ladder to the loft. Amos cast a glance at Nellie, then followed his sister.
“Just let them go,” Mrs. Fitzgerald said. “And do call me Myrna. We don’t stand much on ceremony here.”
The older woman looked around the room, then let her gaze rest upon Nellie again. “I apologize that I didn’t do more to clean things up in here. It’s easier to keep them all at my house when Luke isn’t home. I don’t know how he manages in such a small space. I tried to sweep, but there’s only so much you can do with these little ones running about in here.”
Nellie looked down at the dusty floor. “I can imagine.” Then she gave Myrna a smile. “I’m sure I’ll find a way to manage, just as Diana did.”
Myrna pressed her lips together, then looked around the room before pulling Nellie closer to the stove. “Now, I am not saying this to speak ill of the dead, but I think you need to understand a few things about Diana.”
Pointing to the stove, Myrna said, “That chocolate cake Amos wants. Do you really think you’re going to bake one in this?”
With a sigh, Nellie shook her head. The stove was barely large enough to hold wood for a fire and a kettle on top. She had no idea how she’d make a basic meal on it, let alone a chocolate cake.
“That’s right. You’re not. Diana was no housekeeper, and she couldn’t cook a proper meal to save her life, let alone feed her family. When they first came to Leadville, she and I made a deal. I did all the cooking, and she did all my mending and sewing. I never could sew a straight seam, so it was a good trade for me. I tried explaining to Luke what we’d worked out, but he thought that taking meals from me was accepting charity.”
Myrna let out a long sigh. “I don’t think he ever knew just how poor a cook Diana was. He knew she wasn’t much for housekeeping, but I don’t think any of us had the heart to tell him the truth about—”
The door opened, and Luke entered, a sulking Ruby trudging behind him.
“Tell him the truth about what?” he asked, looking confused.
If no one else could bear telling him that his wife couldn’t cook, Nellie sure wasn’t going to. She smiled at him. “About how difficult it must have been for Diana to cook on your tiny little stove. But just as she managed, so will I.”
Nellie gave him a bright smile as she winked at Myrna. They would have to come to some sort of agreement, because Myrna was right. Cooking on this stove, meant as a heating unit, would be near impossible.
If one could look at a woodstove with fondness and love, that was exactly what Luke appeared to do. “The gentleman at the mercantile did say it was impractical, but Diana thought it the sweetest little thing, and she had to have it, so who was I to refuse?”
Then he sobered and turned his attention back to Nellie. “But if this won’t suit you, I could see what they’d take for it in trade, and what a different stove would cost. I don’t have a lot saved up, but...”
A frown creased Luke’s forehead.
“It’s all right.” Nellie smiled at him. “As I said, I’ll manage. You weren’t supposed to hear that bit about the stove. It wasn’t meant as an insult. Just an observation among women who are accustomed to doing a lot of cooking.”
Though Myrna let out an audible sigh of relief, Ruby glared at Nellie. Did the girl, who’d taken on her mother’s duties, know about her deal with Myrna? Or did Ruby see this as yet another slight against her departed mother?
Luke nodded slowly. “If you say so. Like I said, I know it’s a hard life. But I do try to make it easier where I can.”
He looked around the small room as if observing it through a stranger’s eyes. “I didn’t exaggerate when I said it wasn’t much.”
Ruby’s glare intensified.
“But it’s enough,” Nellie said smoothly, smiling as she turned her gaze around the room. “Your family has been very happy here, and I have no doubt that we all will continue to be.”
Luke looked up toward the loft. “The others up there?”
Nellie nodded.
“Have you been up yet?”
“No. Myrna had just begun explaining things to me, and we haven’t gotten that far.”
Her answer didn’t seem to please Luke, who only looked more uncomfortable at her words. “Seeing you in here, I hadn’t realized...” He shook his head. “It really is a small space, isn’t it?”
“We’ll manage,” Nellie said, reiterating her earlier words.
Luke glanced down at her bags. “There’s no place for your things, no privacy for you.”
“I guess she’ll have to leave, then,” Ruby said, the scowl disappearing from her face for the first time since entering the house.
“I’m not leaving,” Nellie said, just as Luke said, “She’s not leaving.”
A small smile turned the corners of Luke’s lips as he looked at Nellie. “At least we still agree on that. But still, I’ve given no thought to your comfort, and for that I apologize.”
“My mother never needed anything more,” Ruby snapped, the glare returning to her face.
“Remember your promise,” Luke said quietly, looking at his daughter with an expression that spoke of both rebuke and affection at the same time.
Nellie felt her shoulders relax as she examined Luke for any sign of violence. There was none. Just that pervasive sadness that seemed to surround him whenever Diana came up in conversation.
“Well,” Myrna said, stepping in to the conversation. “As Nellie and I were discussing just prior to your arrival, I have supper ready for you at my house, and if we don’t sit down soon, it’s liable to get cold. So let’s all head across the alley and we’ll get some food in us all.”
Nellie was grateful for the sudden ease of tension in the room. Whatever Ruby had promised Luke, she wouldn’t have to deliver right away. And the cloud had lifted from Luke’s shoulders, a smile filling his face again.
“That sounds wonderful. Thank you for thinking of my wife and realizing that it would be too much to ask of her to prepare supper so soon after her arrival. I’m sure it will make her feel most welcome.”
“It does indeed,” Nellie said, smiling back at him. Though their words were all polite and proper, things felt strained between them, as if the reality of their arrangement was somehow less satisfactory than it had sounded when they’d first discussed it. Luke continued to seem more ill at ease than happy about her acceptance of the situation.
“I’ll just get the children,” Nellie said, heading for the ladder. “And have a peek at the loft so I can say I’ve seen it all. I’m sure it will be just fine.”
She could feel Luke’s eyes on her as she climbed the ladder. Though it had to be sturdy enough to hold Luke’s weight, the way it creaked as she made her way up made her stomach churn. She would get used to this.
The tiny loft was lit by a small window in the eaves, and the space was nothing but wall-to-wall bedding. Which, based on the smell assaulting Nellie’s nostrils, hadn’t been washed in some time.
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Danica Favorite
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современная зарубежная литература
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: A MOTHER FOR CHRISTMASWidower Luke Jeffries needs a mother for his three young children, whether or not they agree. When he meets Nellie McClain at the mail-order-bride agency, Luke thinks his problems are solved, but they’ve only just begun. Though the beautiful widow awakens his grieving heart, Luke won’t betray his cherished wife’s memory.A marriage of convenience is exactly what Nellie wants, since she’s been wounded by love before and doesn’t plan to risk her heart again. But despite her chilly reception at Luke’s family’s simple Colorado cabin, her feelings for Luke and the children grow deeper every day. Can Nellie and Luke heal the pain in each other and finally make their family whole again?