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Seducing the Marine
Kate Hoffmann
Subject: Marine Will MacIntyreCurrent Status: Medical leaveOne day a year Will MacIntyre lets himself remember the woman who left him after he enlisted. But seven years later, on the anniversary of that fateful day, Will is defusing a bomb in Afghanistan—and it explodes.Dr. Oliva Eklund can barely find the boy she loved inside the hard, chiseled body of the man Will is now—a Marine who knows just how to tempt her, just how to seduce her. Olivia is well aware that Will plans to return to his unit after he recovers, but she can’t resist trying to heal him. Even if it means sending him back into a war zone. And breaking them apart forever.


Subject: Marine Will MacIntyre
Current Status: Medical leave
One day a year Will MacIntyre lets himself remember the woman who left him after he enlisted. But seven years later, on the anniversary of that fateful day, Will is defusing a bomb in Afghanistan—and it explodes.
Dr. Oliva Eklund can barely find the boy she loved inside the hard, chiseled body of the man Will is now—a Marine who knows just how to tempt her, just how to seduce her. Olivia is well aware that Will plans to return to his unit after he recovers, but she can’t resist trying to heal him. Even if it means sending him back into a war zone. And breaking them apart forever.
Can’t resist a sexy military hero?
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SEDUCING THE MARINE
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January 2015
A SEAL’S SECRET
by Tawny Weber
February 2015
Dear Reader (#u440ba7bb-aa77-5de0-a2e6-c3c28595925c),
As you’re opening this book, I suspect many of you are wondering where the Quinns are. Well, everyone, even romance writers, needs a vacation from family. And it seems like the Quinns have moved into my career and set up housekeeping.
With Seducing the Marine, I had a chance to write a different sort of story. My editor mentioned the Uniformly Hot! series and I jumped at the chance to write a book. Little did I know that the series followed only military heroes, and not policemen and firemen.
Of course, I needed a little help with my Marine hero, and I found an obliging colonel willing to answer all my questions. Thank you, Colonel Kurk. And thanks to all those in service to our country, for your sacrifice and dedication.
Happy reading!
Kate Hoffmann
Seducing the Marine
Kate Hoffmann


www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
KATE HOFFMANN has written over ninety books for Mills & Boon, including stories for Mills & Boon Temptation and Mills & Boon Blaze, since she was first published in 1993. When she isn’t searching the world for Quinns to write about, she enjoys working with high school actors in local theater productions. She also enjoys cooking and baking, reading about cooking and baking, and watching cooking and baking shows on television. She does not enjoy doing dishes. She lives in southeastern Wisconsin with her cat, Chloe.
To Colonel Kurk A. (Marines, Retired) for all your help in bringing my hero to life.
And to his lovely wife, Paula A., for steering me in the right direction.
Contents
Cover (#uacf87292-3414-5591-a75e-553a2f5911a4)
Back Cover Text (#u3675b8db-517c-5475-8aef-de6cb15841ed)
Introduction (#u21362beb-a485-5b25-967c-0de4457908a9)
Dear Reader
Title Page (#ue05f500a-5af9-52e4-86e1-db4475f2b004)
About the Author (#u8b590a98-6488-5eb3-ba5c-609b11bac98b)
Dedication (#u4c82eed9-e9f3-5e96-b81e-b5dd4ceb670b)
Prologue
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Prologue (#u440ba7bb-aa77-5de0-a2e6-c3c28595925c)
THE HEAT SURROUNDED HIM, smothering him like an impenetrable blanket. Staff Sergeant Will MacIntyre focused his attention on the explosive device in front of him, ignoring the drop of perspiration that clung to the end of his nose. He carefully followed the trip wire, tugging it out of the sand until he reached the trigger. It didn’t appear to have an electronic switch that would allow remote detonation.
He could hear his heart beating inside the Kevlar bomb suit. Inside his helmet, the radio earpiece crackled and the voice of one of his team members split the silence. “What do you need, Mac? Talk to me.”
“A cold beer and a hot woman,” he murmured. “When did the cooling system go out on this suit?”
The voice of Staff Sergeant Josh Fletcher crackled over the radio. “Last time I wore it everything was working fine. Are you all right?”
“Just a little warm,” he replied.
Will thought about home, about the winters in upper Michigan, where the weather was so cold a person’s fingertips could freeze in a matter of seconds. It was late October now, long past the first snow. The days were getting shorter. The lakes would freeze in a few weeks and then the ice-fishing shacks would go up on Thayer Lake. The silence of a cold winter night would be broken only by the high whine of a snowmobile engine.
For Yoopers, as citizens of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan were affectionately known, winter was like a months-long battle—except it was nothing like a real war. They could retreat to their warm houses and their crackling fires. He was the one fighting the war. And with every day that passed, Will wondered when the odds would catch up with him.
“What’s going on, Mac?” Josh asked. “Maybe you’d better pull back. We can send in the robot.”
“No,” Will said. “This is a simple one.”
“There’s no such thing as a simple IED. Let me send in the robot.”
“I’m not going to frag another robot on something I can disarm myself.” He pulled off his glove and bent closer, carefully brushing the gravel away from the payload, an old mortar shell.
“Hernandez, check the perimeter,” he ordered, trusting the third member of their crew to rule out a remote detonator.
Though the bomb didn’t appear to be capable of remote detonation, Will knew not to put anything past the Taliban bomb makers. They seemed determined to blow up every last American left in Afghanistan. And when they couldn’t do that, they settled for members of the Afghan security forces.
Will drew a deep breath and waited for another droplet of sweat to fall off his lashes. As he stared down at the half-buried shell, an uneasy feeling came over him. Something wasn’t right. “What’s the date today?” he asked.
“September eighteenth,” Fletcher replied.
He closed his eyes and cursed softly. He’d lost track of the date. For the past nine years he’d spent this rather dubious anniversary in the relative safety of his bunk, reflecting on the one mistake he’d made in his life. He drew a deep breath. Leaving her. Walking away from Olivia.
They’d been high school sweethearts and oblivious to anything that didn’t have to do with their romance for such a long time. But then 9/11 and the Afghan war had happened. A few years later, the invasion of Iraq. Will’s father, a veteran of the Vietnam War, had talked about the honor of serving in the military and Will, wanting to make his father proud, had decided to join immediately after high school graduation.
But Will’s mother had insisted that if he wanted to serve, it would come after college and as an officer. So he and Olivia had started college at Michigan Tech, making the thirty-mile trip to school together every morning and returning to their homes in the late afternoon. Will had signed up for ROTC and Olivia had focused on premed studies. And as their affections matured, they’d planned a life after college. First a wedding and then, hopefully, for Will, flight school and a career as an officer in the Marine Corps.
But Will hadn’t been much of a student, and when his grades had faltered, he’d seen it as an excuse to cut his college career short and enlist. He’d been so stubborn back then, so certain of his decision. And he’d just assumed Olivia would support his choice. But she hadn’t.
Will had known he’d made a mistake the day he’d left for boot camp. There had been something in her eyes when she’d said goodbye, a distance, a coldness, as if he’d somehow betrayed her. And though they’d tried to make things work long-distance, their relationship had broken down. It had ended on October 18. The day he’d received her Dear John letter, four and a half months after he’d said goodbye to her.
He listened to his breathing, deep and even, his gaze fixed on the mortar shell. “I got this,” he muttered.
But as he exposed the connection, Will frowned. Something was wrong. The end of the wire wasn’t attached to the shell—it was simply buried in the dirt. “It’s a dummy,” he said, straightening and stepping back.
He didn’t feel the trigger beneath his foot, didn’t hear the explosion inside the bomb suit. But an instant later, his body was flying through the air. In those long, slow-motion moments before he hit the wall, an image of Olivia’s beautiful face flashed before his eyes.
The odds had finally caught up with him. This was how he’d die. Crumpled at the base of an ancient stone wall, in the dust beside an Afghan road. Alone and so many miles from home.
He gasped her name before he blacked out.
1 (#u440ba7bb-aa77-5de0-a2e6-c3c28595925c)
THE BLAST HIT his body, a rush of hot air and shrapnel picking him up off his feet and hurling him through the air. The moment he hit the ground, Will’s eyes snapped open—
His breath came in quick gasps and he blinked, looking around the room to get his bearings. He was home. He was safe. The explosion, so real and intense just a moment ago, had only been a dream. The same dream that returned every night.
Groaning softly, he threw his arm over his eyes and waited until his heart slowed to a normal rate. But someone was pounding loudly on the cabin door—that was the sound that had invaded his nightmare, the sound his brain had interpreted as an explosion.
Cursing, he got up and crossed the room, dressed only in his boxer shorts. He grabbed a T-shirt hanging on the back of a chair and tugged it over his head, ignoring the incessant throbbing in his head that never seemed to abate. Pulling open the door, he squinted against the afternoon light. How long had he slept? Two hours? Or an entire day? He’d lost track of time.
His sister, Elly, stood at the door of their grandfather’s cabin, bundled up against the cold. Will turned away from the door, shivering as an icy wind whipped through the interior. “Either come in or shut the door,” he muttered.
She followed him inside, slamming the door behind her. “You missed your doctor’s appointment today,” she said. “The clinic called me to find out where you were. Dammit, Will, I told you if you needed a ride, I’d come and get you. But you said J.T. was going to take you.”
“He couldn’t,” Will said, crossing to the kitchen. He yanked open the fridge and pulled out a carton of orange juice, took a long drink, then closed his eyes. He’d laced the orange juice with vodka last night, and the alcohol spread a soothing warmth through his bloodstream. There were times in Afghanistan that he’d gone weeks without the taste of fresh fruit, and now all he had to do was open a refrigerator and there it was. “He got a job over in Bayfield.”
“Get dressed,” she said.
“I’ve already missed the appointment,” he said. “It’s too late.”
Elly hitched her hands on her hips. “If you’re not going to go to the doctor, then I’m going to bring the doctor to you.”
Will froze, his hand gripping the carton until it collapsed. He placed it back in the fridge, then slowly turned. “If you bring her here, I will never forgive you,” he said.
His younger sister had always been close to Olivia, but after the breakup, she’d been smart enough not to mention Olivia in emails or phone calls. Even so, Calumet was a small town and Olivia was a doctor. Everyone knew her. Hell, his old high school buddy J.T. had heard enough stories about her to fill him in on all the details of Dr. Olivia Eklund’s life over the past nine years.
After Olivia had tossed him aside, she’d finished college and med school in record time. She’d married another doctor, but when he’d refused to move to the Upper Peninsula, she’d divorced him and returned to her hometown to set up her medical practice. She hadn’t dated anyone in at least a year, but she had reconnected with some of her old high school friends. And she’d delivered J.T.’s son six months ago.
Will didn’t want to care about Olivia; he tried not to be curious or imagine what she might look like now. But knowing that the one woman he could never have was living just a few miles away was more than he was able to deal with right now.
“And what if I did bring her out here? Maybe she could talk some sense into you.” Elly brushed past him and grabbed the orange juice, taking a long drink. She winced. “Is there—”
“Yeah,” he said. “It was New Year’s Eve. I wanted to celebrate and I didn’t have any champagne.”
She shook her head and dumped the rest of the juice down the drain. “New Year’s Eve was three nights ago. And you shouldn’t be drinking.” She spun around and grabbed him around the waist, giving him a fierce hug. “I’m worried about you.” She sighed softly. “You can’t avoid her forever.”
“And I can’t erase the past nine years. We’re different people, El. I’m not going to magically transform into the old Will the moment I talk to her. I know that’s what you expect, that seeing her again will solve all my problems. But that’s just some stupid romantic fantasy.”
Elly sighed. “I’m sorry.” She crossed the room and grabbed a shirt from the back of the sofa. “But you have to get out, Will. You can’t stay cooped up here. You need fresh air and exercise. You look like death warmed over.”
Will knew she was right. But the dull headache he had now could become agonizing at any moment. And he felt more comfortable alone and in the dark. “I am death warmed over,” he joked.
Elly’s eyes filled with tears. “Don’t say that. You have no idea what we’ve gone through, wondering if we were going to get the visit, never knowing where you were or if you were safe.”
Will cursed himself beneath his breath. Navigating the civilian world was impossible for him. A marine had to be emotionless, and he’d lived in that bubble for so long that now he had no idea how to relate to people anymore, not even his sister. “I’m sorry,” he said.
Jesus, how many times had he muttered those words since he’d been back? It was so much easier to isolate himself and avoid these kinds of missteps. Bombs were easier to defuse than human emotions.
“I just need a little more time,” he said. “It’s hard to adjust to being home. Hell, I’m not sure it’s even worth trying to adjust. As soon as I’m clear, I’ll head back to my unit.”
“Why can’t you be done? Just stop. Now.”
“It’s what I do,” he said. “I’m good at it.”
“You could be good at other things,” she said.
Will knew that wasn’t true. This past month had been enough to prove that civilian life wasn’t for him. And though his future in the military was still in doubt, he had every intention of finishing his tour and signing up for another.
He’d always wanted to be a marine. His father had been a marine, and his grandfather had been a submariner in the US Navy. Will had grown up with the stories about WWII and Vietnam, about honor and glory and serving with courage. Will had felt compelled to honor the family tradition.
His mother and sister had wanted him to wait to get his college degree. And Olivia had never accepted his plans, assuming he’d change his mind at some point or she’d change it for him. She’d never understood how deeply the military was etched into his DNA and he’d never been able to explain it to her.
“I’m going to pick up the boys at school and take them to hockey,” Elly said. “Jim is working late and we’re going to meet him for pizza after practice. You could come with us.”
In truth, all Will wanted to do was crawl back into bed and close his eyes. But Elly was right. He should at least make an attempt to socialize. After all, there was a possibility the doctors wouldn’t clear him to return to his unit and somehow he’d have to figure out how to belong in the land of the living again. “Give me a minute to get dressed,” he said, raking his hands through his hair.
Elly handed him the shirt and gave him a grateful smile. “Thank you,” she whispered.
She waited for him in the rusty SUV while Will pulled himself together. It took him a while. Since the explosion, his brain had been scrambled and it took longer to sort out the steps in any task. The doctors had said it would become easier once the effects of the head trauma faded.
He spent five minutes searching for his sunglasses, then found them on the kitchen table, in plain view. He slipped them on as he stepped outside into the low afternoon light. Drawing a deep breath of crisp, clean air, Will paused to let his head clear before starting toward Elly’s truck.
As they drove into town, a country song started blaring from the radio. Wincing, Will reached out to turn it off and Elly glanced over at him. “Are you all right?”
“It’s just a little difficult to process noise,” he said. “It makes my head hurt.”
“I’m calling tomorrow to make another appointment for you at the VA. You were supposed to go when you arrived home and that was three weeks ago. You should—”
“They said it would take time,” Will interrupted. “It’s hardly been four months since the...accident. The doctors expect it to take at least twice that before I start to feel normal again.”
“What if it doesn’t get better?” Elly asked.
“Then I get a different MOS,” he said. “There are a lot of things I can do in the corps.”
“But not in Afghanistan?”
“I don’t know,” Will snapped, his irritation rising. He wasn’t sure he could survive a life outside of active duty. In the past three weeks, he’d felt as if he was moving through mud, all his senses slowing until he could hardly breathe. He craved the adrenaline rush of his job, the chaos that surrounded him every day, the pulse-pounding excitement of his work.
His dad had always said he’d never felt more alive than when he’d faced death as a soldier. He’d told Will that every man needed to experience these deeply held fears before he could gain perspective on the rest of his life. Strange how it was the exact opposite for Will. He’d learned to feed on his fear, to use it like a drug to numb his body and his mind. He didn’t feel alive. He was dead inside.
“You’ve got to find a new line of work,” Elly said, an edge of sarcasm coloring her words.
They drove into Calumet and headed toward the school. But Elly pulled over in front of the post office, then grabbed a package from the rear seat of the SUV. “Could you run that in for me?” she asked, reaching for her purse. She held out a ten-dollar bill.
“What is it?” he asked.
“A swimsuit. It was supposed to be for our vacation to Mexico in March, but I look like the great white whale in it. I hate winter. I get so...plump.”
“You’ve got to find a new place to live,” he said.
Elly laughed. “I’m going to run and grab a couple bottles of Gatorade for the boys. I’ll be back for you in five minutes.”
Will got out of the truck and walked up the front steps of the post office. When he got inside there were two people in line in front of him and he waited patiently, hoping no one would recognize him. But his hopes were shattered when the first person in line turned to leave and looked straight at him.
The world seemed to grind to a halt around him as he met her gaze. He held his breath, hoping she’d walk right by, but she stopped.
A tiny gasp slipped from her lips. “Will?”
She didn’t look anything like he’d thought she would. His memories of Olivia Eklund had been of a girl frozen at age twenty, young and fresh faced with copper hair and freckles across the bridge of her nose. She still had copper-colored hair, but it was now streaked with blond and fell in soft waves around her face.
“Liv,” he murmured. The room felt as if it was tilted and he couldn’t keep his balance. God, she was stunning. She was, and always would be, the most beautiful woman he’d ever known.
“I—I heard you were home,” she said.
“Not for long,” Will replied. “I’m headed back. Soon. Real soon.”
“Oh,” she said, forcing a smile. “Well...”
“Yes,” he said, his gaze drifting down to her lips. He remembered what it felt like to kiss those lips, to taste the sweet warmth of her mouth. He remembered the first time he’d kissed her, on her fifteenth birthday. Will fought the temptation to pull her into his arms and discover whether his memories were accurate. Instead, he balled his hands into tight fists. “You look...good.”
Hell, she looked beautiful. Radiant. Gorgeous.
She smiled and shrugged. “You look...great.” Liv drew a deep breath. “I—I should go. It was great seeing you again. Take care, all right?” She hurried to the door and he watched as she stepped out into the cold.
When he turned back around, he found the postal clerk and the other patron watching him. He recognized them both. The clerk was a girl who’d graduated the year before him in high school and the patron was his old English teacher, Mrs. Paulis.
“Awkward,” Will said, forcing a smile. He spun and walked out of the lobby, Elly’s package still tucked beneath his arm. He waited outside in the cold, pacing a short stretch of sidewalk until Elly pulled up.
When he got inside, he tossed the package onto her lap angrily. “Did you set that up? Did you know she’d be there?”
“Who? Why didn’t you mail this?”
“Are you saying you had no idea she’d be there?”
“Kristina Olson?”
“No, Liv. Olivia was in the post office.”
Her eyes went wide. “Of course I had no idea she’d be in there. Jeez, Will, it’s a small town. You’re going to run into people you know. Get over it.”
“I’ve been over it for nearly ten years. And I don’t need you messing with my life. Just leave it alone.”
“Maybe you should stay holed up in that cabin. At least then you wouldn’t subject the rest of us to your paranoid delusions.” She grabbed the package and got out of the truck.
Will closed his eyes and leaned back in the seat, covering his eyes with his hand and cursing softly. All right, maybe this hadn’t been some grand plan of Elly’s to throw them back together. And maybe he’d acted like a first-class ass.
There was one thing he did know for sure: his heart was beating faster and his mind was suddenly sharp. He felt alive and aware for the first time since the explosion. And he suspected that it had everything to do with seeing Olivia again.
* * *
“SEE. IT’S AS good as new.”
Olivia took Benny Johansson’s right arm and examined it. “Yup, you’re ready to play hockey again,” she said, tapping on the plastic guard with her knuckles. “How does it feel?”
“Great,” Benny said.
“Then get to it,” she said. She waited until the seven-year-old skated out across the ice before finding herself a seat. She’d set Benny’s broken bone three months before, after Benny had gotten slashed with a hockey stick. After removing the cast a few days ago, Benny had invited her to his game and promised he’d dedicate his performance to Dr. Olivia.
“Liv?”
She glanced over to see Elly Winthrop making her way to a nearby seat. First Will and now Elly. Considering her personal life had been impossibly dull this winter, she wondered if it was about to take a turn. “Elly. Hey there. How are you?”
Elly made her away along Olivia’s row, then plopped down beside her. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to see a patient. Benny Johansson. I set his broken arm.” Olivia laughed softly. “This is my social life—peewee hockey.” She paused. “I ran into Will earlier at the post office. It was kind of...odd.”
“Well, it’s about to get even more odd,” Elly said. “He’s here.”
“Here? Where?”
“Right back there,” she said, pointing over her shoulder.
Olivia twisted around and found Will standing near the doorway, staring at them both. Olivia drew a deep breath and stood. “He doesn’t look happy to see me. I’d better leave.”
“Why? He’ll just have to get over himself. Talk to him. He could use a friend. He’s been hiding out in our grandfather’s cabin for the past three weeks.”
“I’m not sure I could—”
“Try,” Elly said. “Please?”
Olivia waited as Will slowly made his way down to their seats. The moment he sat down, Elly jumped up and crawled over Will to the aisle. “I’m going to go check on the boys,” she said.
A long silence grew between them, and Olivia waited for Will to say something—anything. She finally decided to break the ice. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were stalking me,” she teased.
She thought she saw the tiniest hint of a smile twitch at the corners of his lips. “If I wanted to stalk you, you’d never see me coming,” he replied. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here on a date,” she said. He seemed taken aback and glanced around. “Benny Johannson. Age seven.” Olivia pointed to the boy. “Number seventeen for the Hawks.”
“You like them younger now?” he asked.
“Yes. I’ve run through all the six-year-olds in town and moved on to the seven-year-olds.”
Will laughed softly. “I should probably go find Elly.”
Olivia reached out and placed her hand on his arm. He glanced down, his gaze fixed on her fingers, his shoulders rising and falling with each breath he took. She knew he’d probably refuse the invitation, but she couldn’t help herself. He was wounded, and not just physically. “Would you like to get some dinner with me?” Olivia asked. “Maybe we could...talk?”
As he considered her offer, she silently prayed that he would refuse. She wasn’t ready to dredge up the past. And yet there were so many things that had to be said, so many injuries that had never healed. She felt compelled to set things right before he left again, which could be any day.
“No,” he finally said. “That would probably be a mistake. I—I’m pretty bad company these days.”
“Fine,” she said in a bright tone, standing up. “Of course. I understand.” She nodded, then reached into her pocket and grabbed her gloves. “It was lovely seeing you. Say goodbye to Elly for me?”
“I’ll do that,” he said.
For a long moment, she stared into his eyes, trying to read the emotion behind them. But she couldn’t find even a tiny crack in his icy blue gaze. “Take care,” she finally said.
As she turned to leave, she felt her knees go weak. He wasn’t the boy she remembered. Back then, they’d been playing at passion, pretending to understand the desire that moved them. But now she understood the dangers, and there was no doubt—Will MacIntyre was a dangerous man. Though he resembled her teenage sweetheart, there was a hard edge to him, as if all the warmth and affection were now hidden behind an impenetrable facade.
There’d been many times over the past nine years when Olivia had wished she’d ripped up that Dear John letter and changed the course of their history. He would have come home after one tour. They would have been together and made a life and a family. Instead, he’d put a half a world between them and she’d had to find other dreams.
She pushed open the door and stepped out into the cold. Snow had begun to fall, dusting the cars in the parking lot in a soft blanket of white. She found her SUV and circled it, brushing the snow off the windows with her hand.
When she came back around to the driver’s side, Olivia stopped short. Will stood next to her car, blocking her way. He had such a pained look on his face, she was afraid to say anything. And then, without speaking, he crossed the distance between them, pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
This kiss was filled with every emotion she could imagine—anger, desire, regret, affection. Olivia couldn’t tell what it was supposed to mean, but when he pressed her back against the driver’s-side door, she stopped wondering and simply surrendered.
No, he definitely wasn’t a boy anymore. This was a man, sure of what he wanted and determined to take it. A man who was testing the limits of her passion with the heat of his mouth on hers.
He ravaged her with his lips and his tongue, as if searching for a deeper connection. He held her face between his gloved hands and molded her mouth against his until the last shred of Olivia’s resistance melted.
How could it still be this way? So much time had passed. But this wasn’t the same passion they’d shared so many years before. This was new and frightening in its power and intensity. He was a stranger and yet she knew him intimately.
As suddenly as the kiss had begun, it ended. He stumbled away and shoved his hands in his pockets, his breath clouding in front of his face. Olivia waited for him to say something, but he didn’t. Instead, he spun on his heel and strode back toward the front doors of the ice arena.
She collapsed against the car and pressed her hand to her chest.
Mild tachycardia and disequilibrium. Early symptoms of hyperventilation.
It had been over a year since a man had kissed her and even longer since she’d had sex. Her strong physical reaction shouldn’t have come as a surprise. And yet it had.
For years, she’d looked back on her breakup with Will and felt nothing but regret. It had plagued her in those moments when she’d tried to imagine the life he lived, the dangers that surrounded him daily. And she’d sworn to herself that if she ever had the chance to set things right between the two of them, she would. She’d apologize and find a way to make him understand what had driven her to write the Dear John letter. And then she’d be able to finally let him go.
Before she could start after him, she heard a shout.
“Dr. Eklund!” Marcy Mackie was running toward her. “Thank God I caught you. Can you come back inside? One of the boys has been hurt.”
“Let me grab my bag,” Olivia said, wiping an errant tear from her cheek. She unlocked the car and pulled her bag from its spot behind the driver’s seat, then hurried inside.
The hockey game had come to a halt and both teams were gathered near the bench. When she reached the rink, she found Benny sitting on the ice, tears streaming down his cheeks. He was holding his arm, and his left hand dangled at an awkward angle.
“Oh, Benny. Again?” He nodded and she squatted down next to him. “You might want to take up soccer. You don’t need your arms for that.”
Benny laughed, his nose runny and his eyes red. “My mom is going to kill me,” he said.
“No, she isn’t,” Olivia said. She glanced over her shoulder at Marcy. “Is his mom here?”
“She’s on her way,” the coach said.
“Let’s get him off the ice and I’ll splint his wrist before we take him over to the emergency room. Can someone—”
“I’ve got him.”
Will appeared out of the crowd of kids and bent down to scoop Benny up in his arms. Olivia followed them off the ice, and when they reached the locker room, Will set the boy down on a counter next to the sinks.
“It doesn’t hurt as much as the last time,” Benny said. “Maybe it’s not broken after all.”
“Do this,” Olivia said, flexing her wrist. Benny tried and failed. “It’s broken.”
“How long will it take to heal?”
“We’re going to take an X-ray and see about that. But I don’t think you’re going to be playing hockey this winter.”
Benny turned to Will, who was watching them both from a distance. “Did you ever break your arm?”
“I did,” he said. “And my leg. I’ve even been shot. Twice.”
Benny’s eyes went wide. “You’re the army guy. Kyle’s uncle. Kyle is my best friend. One of my best friends. He said you got blown up in the war. Is that true?”
“Not exactly. And I’m a marine. That’s different than army.”
“Cool,” Benny said. “Can I see your bullet hole?”
“It’s in a place that I can’t really show right now,” he said. “I’d have to take my clothes off.” Will nodded his head at Olivia. “And there’s a girl in the room.”
“Oh, right,” Benny said, grinning.
They continued to chat about Will’s military career, Benny asking Will brutally direct questions and Will answering as best as he could. By the time Benny’s mother arrived, Olivia had splinted Benny’s wrist and given him a grape Tootsie Pop to keep the boy from dwelling on the pain.
“Take him to the emergency room,” Olivia said to Benny’s mother. “I want to take X-rays and then we’ll probably put a cast on it.”
“Another cast?” Benny asked.
“It’s the only way to fix it,” she said. “Sorry.”
“Yeah, I know,” the boy said, nodding.
“All right. I’ll meet you there, buddy.” She watched as Benny walked out with his mother, then she glanced over at Will. “Thanks for the help. And for distracting him.”
“No problem.” He leaned against the wall, observing her coolly. “You really are a doctor, aren’t you.”
“I better be. Or the patients I’ve been seeing this past year are going to sue me.” She held up her hand to him as she pulled her cell phone from her jacket pocket. “Hang on, let me call this in.”
He watched her silently as she pulled up the number for the emergency room at the hospital in the neighboring town of Laurium. “Hey, Sarah, it’s Olivia. I have Benny Johansson, seven years old, coming in with a fractured left wrist. I’m going to want X-rays.” She paused. “And order a full blood workup, as well. And give him a Popsicle. He likes grape.” She hung up the phone. “I better go.”
“Why the blood test?” Will asked.
“Just routine,” Olivia replied.
Will shook his head. “No, it’s not. I’ve hung around enough medics in the last nine years. Witnessed enough shattered limbs. You don’t order a blood test for broken bones.”
“I can’t talk about it,” Olivia said. “It’s confidential. I—I shouldn’t have made that call in your presence.” She silently scolded herself. “I really have to go now. I’ll—I’ll see you around, Will.”
He didn’t reply, and the silence was only broken by the soft sound of her boots against the tile floor as she walked away.
Olivia had imagined them meeting again. She’d created fanciful dreams of how it might go, and it had always been impossibly grand and romantic. But this hadn’t been anything resembling her fantasies. It had been real and raw, painful and confusing, like pulling sutures from an unhealed wound.
And still, she had to see him again. She needed to find out if there was anything behind that passionate kiss. Was he still harboring feelings for her or had he simply reacted without thinking? The last thing she wanted was to start everything up again with Will. She had to stick to the plan—find closure, for both of them.
She pressed her fingers to her damp lips. While Olivia couldn’t deny the rush of emotion that had flooded her body when he’d kissed her, that was to be expected. He was handsome and a bit dangerous, and had he been anyone but Will, she might have considered a nice little affair.
But Olivia knew that any type of intimate contact between her and Will would be a mistake. Unfortunately, she wasn’t sure that Will shared her opinion.
* * *
THE SUN HAD fallen below the horizon and the temperature hovered near zero. Will strode down the snow-covered street, his gaze fixed on the pavement ahead of him. He’d left Elly and the boys at the rink and told his sister he’d meet them at the pizzeria for dinner.
But first he needed the frigid air and snowy night to clear his head. What the hell had he been thinking? Running into Liv at the post office was bad enough. But then to chase her out of the rink and kiss her? He might as well shoot himself through the heart and be done with it.
He searched for ways to rationalize his behavior. His brain might still be a bit scrambled from his injury. Or maybe it had to do with the fact that he hadn’t slept with a woman in months. But Will suspected that it actually came down to the flood of feelings that raced through him when he looked at her.
He hadn’t really felt much of anything in years, not since that day he’d gotten the letter. In a war zone, emotion was something that could get a guy killed or permanently disabled. He’d forced himself to harden his heart and to lock his soul so deeply inside him that nothing he saw or did would affect him. It was the best way to survive his service and come out whole on the other side.
He’d seen so many friends struggle with PTSD, only to go home and find that home wasn’t a cure at all. It simply amplified the symptoms. Will was tough and he understood the pitfalls. But he’d always had the ability to put his emotions aside and focus on the job.
For now, his single focus was to get better, both physically and mentally, so he could return to the only place in the world that made sense: his unit in Afghanistan. Life there was lived in simple terms—black-and-white, good and bad, safe and dangerous.
Yet he couldn’t deny the attraction to a civilian life. He remembered a moment, sitting beside a bomb-pocked road in the Helmand Province. A butterfly had landed on the muzzle of his weapon and he’d watched it, its wings silently opening and closing in the dusty breeze. In that moment, he’d felt human again, certain that he still had a soul. Since then, the only time he’d felt the same was today, with Olivia. And though he knew he should keep his distance, he craved that feeling again.
He pulled his cap lower over his ears and rounded the corner. The town hadn’t changed much over the years. He wasn’t sure exactly where he was, but he’d find his bearings sooner or later, though the snow piled up in front of the buildings and the dim light from the streetlamps made it tricky.
He headed toward a bright light, and when he finally reached it, he stopped and stared up at the hospital. “Shit,” Will muttered. Was this where he’d been headed all along? He’d taken the most direct route, just a fifteen-minute walk from the rink.
It was as though some strange magnetic force had drawn him here. She’d left the rink a half hour before. She was probably still inside, setting Benny’s broken bone. He glanced around the parking lot and spotted her SUV.
There were things to be said, he mused. An apology, or maybe an explanation for his behavior. And there were things to be done—like kiss her again. He stared at the hospital and ruled out going inside. Over the past four months, he’d spent far too much time trapped by the sterile walls of a hospital, surrounded by the specter of death.
Will crossed to Olivia’s car and leaned against the passenger-side door, deciding to wait until she came outside.
The frigid wind bit into his face, and Will crossed his arms over his chest in an attempt to conserve his body heat. He’d weathered much worse in Afghanistan. Brutal conditions that wore a man down. But that had been before he’d been softened by days spent flat on his back in a hospital bed.
He tried the passenger-side door and found it locked, then circled the car, running his hands inside the wheel wells until he found what he was looking for—a magnetic key holder. He slid it open and found a spare key, then unlocked the passenger door and hopped inside.
As he stared out at the snowstorm, illuminated by the parking lot lights, Will thought about what he planned to say to Olivia. The military had taught him to always have a plan, a strategy, for every mission he undertook. A way in and a way out. But his brain just didn’t seem to work right lately. He’d never been impulsive or unpredictable—until now.
“What the hell am I doing?” he murmured, his breath clouding in front of his face. He reached for the door and at the same moment, the door locks clicked and beeped. At first she didn’t see him, but then she looked up and a surprised cry burst from her lips.
Will brushed his hood off his head and held up his hand. “It’s me. Will.”
Olivia pressed her hand to her head. “Good Lord, you scared me. What are you doing out here?”
“I didn’t want to wait inside,” he muttered. “How’s Benny?”
“He’s fine,” she said softly.
“Is he? Or are you just required to say that?”
“I’m required to say that,” she replied.
“Is it serious?”
“Yeah, if it’s what I suspect, it’s serious. But not life threatening. And that’s all I can say. How did you get here?”
“I walked,” he said.
“It’s freezing out. The windchill is dangerous and you’re still recovering.” She drew a deep breath and shook her head. “You need to get yourself a car.”
“I can’t drive,” he said. “My vision is still a little wonky from the concussion.”
She studied him for a long moment, then nodded. “Would you like to grab a cup of coffee?”
“I’d rather have a drink,” Will said.
“Well, I can’t drink since I’m on call until midnight. But I suppose I could find something nonalcoholic to enjoy.”
“Coffee is good,” he said. “I don’t sleep anyway, so what the hell. I’ll live dangerously.”
She reached out to start the SUV. Will watched her, his heart slamming in his chest. He relished the attraction between them and the desire that had raced through his veins the instant he’d kissed her. And though there could be no future in anything they shared, that wouldn’t stop him from wanting her. She was like a drug, a wonderful high that made him feel human again.
Then he reconsidered. Could he be so selfish? To take what he wanted without offering anything in return? He’d lived in a world of moral ambiguity for such a long time, Will wasn’t sure what was right or wrong anymore. “You know, maybe we shouldn’t do this.”
“We shouldn’t have coffee? That’s all this is, Will. Just two friends.” She glanced over at him. “We have a new coffee shop in town. It’s really nice. And warm. Why don’t we go there?”
He cleared his throat. “Maybe I should just tell you what I came here to say.”
“All right,” she said. “And then I have a few things I need to say myself.”
“You go first,” Will said.
“No, you go. I can wait.”
He took a deep breath and nodded. “All right. So.”
“So,” she repeated.
“I guess I want to say that...I shouldn’t have kissed you. I don’t know what got into me, but I regret what I did. And—and I don’t want you to think that I expect us to take up where we left off.”
“It was just a kiss,” she said.
“Yeah, but— It just—” It had meant something to him, Will mused. He wasn’t sure what it was, but it had moved him in ways he couldn’t explain. “I didn’t want you to think I had some plan to seduce you. That wasn’t why I kissed you.”
“It’s okay, I understand. It’s been over for years. And I know you’d never try to take advantage. I guess I’d just like to be...friends?”
“You really think that’s possible?” he asked.
Liv nodded. “Yes, I do. Well, maybe not if you keep kissing me. Or sneaking into my car and scaring the crap out of me.”
“I’m not going to do that again,” he assured her. “Sneak into your car, that is. I make no promises about the kissing you.” He couldn’t resist flirting with her. It wasn’t quite the same rush he’d gotten from kissing her, but it was close.
“Well, I think we can have a cup of coffee without tearing each other’s clothes off. As friends. Old friends.”
“Absolutely,” he said. He put his seat belt on and she started the Lexus. She pulled out of the hospital parking lot and headed back into town.
“Does it feel good to be home?” she asked, her gaze fixed on the swirling snow.
“It’s strange. This town is familiar, yet different. Like you.”
“I feel old. Please don’t tell me I look old.”
“You’re beautiful,” he murmured. “You do look older, but it suits you.”
“You look different, too. Manly,” she said with a soft laugh. “You’ve filled out.” She stole a sideways glance. “Elly didn’t tell me you’d been shot. Twice.”
“She doesn’t know,” Will said. “It happened a long time ago. And it wasn’t serious. Unlike with the bomb, I was in and out of the hospital in a week.”
“Tell me about the bomb,” she said. “You suffered a head injury?”
“An IED exploded behind me. I was wearing a bomb suit, but I was thrown about fifteen feet into a stone wall. I had head trauma and a detached retina. A bunch of broken ribs, a cracked vertebra and a punctured lung.”
“An IED? What is that?”
“Improvised explosive device,” he explained. “A homemade bomb.”
“And this bomb suit. You wear it all the time?”
“No, only when I’m defusing bombs. It’s made of Kevlar and weighs about eighty pounds.”
She gasped softly. “That’s what you do? You defuse bombs?”
Will nodded. “Yeah. I’m in an EOD unit—explosive ordnance disposal. That’s my MOS. My military operational specialty.”
She pulled the Lexus over to the curb and when she turned back to him, Will could see tears swimming in her eyes. He wasn’t sure what to say. Had he caused this? Will reached out and cupped her face in his palm, brushing away her tears with his thumb. “Why are you crying?”
She shook her head and glanced away, but he forced her gaze to meet his. “Why?” he whispered, his heart aching at the pained expression on her beautiful face.
“Because there was a time when I could have talked you out of taking such risks. And now I wonder if I’m the reason you take them.” She drew a ragged breath. “Please tell me you didn’t choose that job because I sent you that letter.”
“I did choose it. But I chose it because it was a great opportunity and the pay grade was good.” He shrugged. “I save a lot of lives. And a lot of limbs.”
In truth, he’d chosen the job because it would force him to focus and he’d thought it would put her out of his head. He’d spent far too many nights thinking about her, and far too many days rewriting their history. EOD had forced him to move on with his life.
Of course, he couldn’t explain that to her. Or the fact that after seeing her again, he realized it had only been a temporary solution. He wasn’t over her at all. No, telling her that would be far too cruel.
Will drew a deep breath. “I could really use that cup of coffee right about now.”
Liv nodded and pulled the car back out into the street. “Me, too.”
2 (#u440ba7bb-aa77-5de0-a2e6-c3c28595925c)
BY THE TIME they reached the coffee shop, Olivia had managed to gather her wits. She chose a table near the windows and Will followed her, taking the seat that faced the door. The shop was nearly empty except for a trio of high school students discussing homework at a nearby booth.
As Will studied the menu, she watched him, barely able to contain her curiosity. She wanted to press him further on his specific injuries, on the medical prognosis for his recovery, on treatments he’d already had. It was easier for her to react like a doctor—only because it was impossible to accept what she’d done to him as a woman.
Not a woman, a child. She’d reacted to his decision to enlist like a spoiled brat, angry that he’d had the temerity to choose the military over her. At twenty years old, she had been completely self-absorbed, certain that Will’s sole purpose in life had been to make her happy. The memory made her wince.
She’d had their whole life planned out for them, the wedding, the house, the family, all without bothering to get his opinion. She’d been aware that he’d always wanted a military career, but sure she could talk him out of it. After all, how could she attend medical school if she had to follow Will around the country?
And when she’d sent him the letter, she’d meant to punish him for all the lonely nights apart and all the shattered dreams. Olivia had assumed that he’d come home on leave and they’d work everything out. But he’d never written or called. And he’d never come home. She knew he must have had the opportunity, but he’d stayed away.
After finishing college, she’d left for Chicago and medical school. And with that, the end of what they’d been was final. She had other dreams now, she reminded herself. After all, she’d just received enough grant money to set up a string of local wellness clinics for the residents of the UP, a dream she’d had since med school.
She reached out and wrapped her hands around her coffee mug. “How long will you be home?”
“I’m not sure. I can’t go back until the medical board clears me for active duty. I know I’m not ready yet. I was supposed to check in at the VA hospital in Iron Mountain and then they’d check me out and find me a local doctor to handle my case.”
“I could do that,” she said.
Will shook his head. “I don’t think it would be a good idea for us to play doctor.” He grinned and raised his eyebrows and Olivia pictured the two of them, alone in an exam room.
“I could recommend someone, then,” Olivia countered, her cheeks warming with a blush. “I’m familiar with all the doctors in the area.” She took a sip of her coffee. “How are you going to get down to Iron Mountain if you don’t drive?”
“J.T. was supposed to take me. We were supposed to drive down this morning, but he got a job so I had to cancel the appointment.”
“I could drive you,” Olivia offered. “I have a couple days off next week. We could go then.”
“I won’t get in on such short notice.”
“I’m sure if you call, they’ll take you right away.”
“You don’t know the VA.”
“I could call them,” she said.
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ll take care of it.” Will reached out and grabbed a packet of sugar. He tried to tear it open but his hand trembled. He met her gaze and she could see a flicker of frustration in the blue depths.
“It comes and goes,” he murmured. “It’s worse when I’m tired.”
“What else is going on with you? You can talk to me.”
“I don’t want to complain about my problems,” he said. “I just want to get better and get back to my unit.”
“Are you taking any medication?”
“I don’t like the drugs. They don’t help. And they make me...fuzzy.” He shook his head. “Can we talk about something else? How are your parents?”
Olivia shook her head, surprised by the ease at which he’d turned the tables on her. “You really want to talk about my parents?”
“We’re done talking about my medical condition.”
“My parents are fine. They’re divorced now, but they’re fine. My mother lives in San Diego. She’s got a studio there and she’s had a couple of very successful shows. My father retired from Michigan Tech a few years ago and he’s teaching physics at the high school in Houghton.”
“I didn’t hear about the divorce. What happened?”
“There was a disagreement between them that they couldn’t get over.”
“About?”
“My mother never bargained for a life as the wife of an unimportant college professor. She’d always imagined herself as an artist, living in an Ivy League town on the East Coast, not stuck in some frozen wasteland in the UP. She put her dreams aside to follow her husband, but after a while she decided she didn’t want to live his life.”
“Well, that clears up a lot of questions I have about her feelings toward me,” Will said.
Olivia wanted to reach out and touch him, to cover his hand with hers. The need for physical contact was nearly overwhelming, but she held back, knowing that the attraction would only lead to trouble. The whole point of this talk was closure, not to pick up where they left off. “How so?” she asked.
“She didn’t want you to follow me around. Hell, I don’t blame her. Military life isn’t for everyone.”
“She wanted me to become a doctor and she wouldn’t let anything get in the way of that—not you, not my father, not even me. She never stopped pushing. And I guess I was such a mess after you left that she finally convinced me she was right.”
“Was she?” Will asked.
Olivia thought about the question for a long moment. In truth, she’d been thinking about that question for years, since the day she’d dropped the letter in the slot at the post office. “We were so young.”
“We were in love,” he replied softly. Their gazes met for a long moment, and then he glanced away. “I should go. I have to meet my sister and her kids for dinner.”
“You haven’t finished your coffee,” Olivia said.
“It—it was good. This place is nice.”
“I’ll drive you,” she offered.
He quickly shoved his chair back and stood. “No, I can walk. I’d rather walk.”
“It’s freezing out there.”
“And I’m sure I’ll survive.”
Olivia decided to let him go. The aftereffects of his brain injury had become apparent to her even in the short time they’d spent together today. His mood could shift in the blink of an eye. He often jumbled his words, which put him even more on edge. Will had never been the type to accept his imperfections, and she could see that it wore on him. So she understood why he would prefer to be alone.
Olivia held her breath as he leaned over the table and brushed a kiss across her cheek. But this time, he didn’t take the opportunity for more. “Take care,” he murmured.
She watched as he walked out the door, then disappeared down the dark street. There were moments when he seemed more like a ghost than a real man. She could just barely detect the Will she’d once known, but he was a strange, vague being that could suddenly vaporize in front of her eyes.
The emotions surging up inside her were hard to describe. They were so twisted with regret and guilt that Olivia wasn’t sure whether it was affection or pity that drove her forward. How could she keep her distance when he needed her? It was her duty as a physician—and a friend—to help him heal. And maybe then she’d be able to let him, and the guilt, go.
* * *
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” Elly said when he entered the restaurant. “I’ve been worried. You can’t just wander off like that, Will. You don’t have a car and it’s bitter cold. I was about to call the police.”
“I’m not a goddamn child,” Will shot back, rubbing the ache in his temple. “I am perfectly capable of caring for myself, so just chill the hell out.”
Elly, her husband, Jim, and their two boys stared up at him, wide-eyed, their pizza dinner spread out on the table in front of them.
Will glanced around the small pizzeria, suddenly realizing that he’d been a bit too loud in his response. His first instinct had been to react defensively. But everyone in the place was watching him now, wondering what was going on. The place was too crowded, the patrons too close. He mentally calculated the fastest path to the door, then gritted his teeth. It took every ounce of his patience to remain calm and rational. She had a right to be worried.
“Sorry,” he murmured. “I shouldn’t have used language like that. Kyle, Nate, it was wrong.”
Nathan, the five-year-old, nodded. “At least you didn’t use the F word. That one is the worst.”
Kyle nodded in agreement. “Worse than the S word.”
“Daddy says the S word all the time,” Nate countered. “It just means poop.”
“We don’t need a rundown on naughty words,” Elly said, switching her attention to her sons as she refilled their drinks from a plastic pitcher of cola. “You could have called, Will. I’ve been trying your cell phone, but you didn’t pick up.”
“I left the cell phone back at the cabin,” Will explained.
“You should always keep that with you,” she scolded. “I gave it to you to use in case of emergency. How hard is it to put it in your pocket?”
“You’re right,” he said, his jaw tight. “I’ll try to remember next time. Sorry. Mom.”
This brought a round of giggles from Kyle and Nathan. “She’s not your mom,” Nate said. “She’s our mom.”
“Sometimes she feels like my mom,” Will said.
Elly studied him for a long moment, clearly unnerved by his comment. “Were you with Olivia all this time?”
To Will’s surprise, her question didn’t anger him at all. There was no flood of temper or defensive reaction. “No,” Will lied. There was also no point in getting Elly’s hopes up. He didn’t need her constant meddling. Elly had always been of the opinion that he and Olivia were destined to be together. “I was just walking around town.”
“Well, sit down and have something to eat,” she said.
“I’m not hungry. Can I have the keys to your car? I want to go back to the cabin.”
“Sit down and have some dinner. I’ll drive you to the cabin after you eat.”
“No,” he insisted, shaking his head. “I have to get back now.”
“You’re not supposed to drive.”
“I’m not supposed to, but I can.” Will held out his hand. “Please. I’ll return it tomorrow. Early. I promise.”
“No, I’m not going to—”
“Give him the keys, El,” Jim said softly. “He knows whether or not he can drive.”
She glared at her husband. “But he—”
“Give him the keys. It’ll be all right.”
Will sent his brother-in-law a grateful look.
“I’ve got to do an estimate out that way in the morning,” Jim continued. “I can pick the car up. I’ll have one of my guys drive me out.”
“What about school?” Elly said.
“I’ll leave late and take the boys.”
She glanced back and forth between her husband and Will. Finally, with a muttered protest, she grabbed the keys from her pocket and held them out to Will. “Be careful,” she warned. “You’re not used to driving in snow.”
“There’s snow in Afghanistan,” he said. She fixed her gaze on him, a slow, simmering glare that he’d seen when she’d reached the end of her rope with Kyle and Nathan. “I’ll be very careful.”
Will turned and strode to the door. He found the battered Jeep Cherokee parked in the side lot, the windows covered with snow. He used his sleeve to clear them, then hopped in behind the wheel. Bracing his hands on the wheel, he took a deep breath before flicking the ignition.
Fear pricked at his determination. It had been over four months since the accident. His ability to do everyday tasks was slowly returning. But was he ready for this?
Will put the SUV into gear and reversed out of the parking spot, then headed to the street. Between the swirling snow and the streetlights, visibility wasn’t ideal. Everything seemed to have a strange, wavering halo around it. Focusing on the road in front of him, Will headed toward the highway and the route back to his cabin.
In his mind, he replayed the events of that evening. It seemed like a dream, as if he’d imagined seeing Liv again. But then he remembered the kiss—the way her mouth tasted, how her face felt beneath his fingertips. She was everything pure and simple and beautiful. And she was the antidote to all his fears and insecurities.
Had she been any other woman, he would have taken what he wanted and then walked away. But he cared about Liv and he wasn’t about to take advantage of her sweet and generous nature.
Besides, the last thing he needed to do was fall in love with her all over again. Especially if there was no possibility that she’d return the sentiment.
By the time he reached the road to the lake, the snow had stopped and the moon was visible in the night sky. Will turned toward the boat ramp, steering the SUV out onto the ice. The shadowy hulks of ice-fishing shacks loomed in the narrow beams of the headlights.
He put the SUV into Park and stepped out onto the ice. The wind was still sharp, biting at his face as he looked up into the star-filled sky. How many times had he stood in a desolate spot in the Afghan countryside and done this very thing, trying to imagine home and the people who waited for him there?
He’d avoided this place for so many years. Though he’d taken leave occasionally, he’d never once gone home. He’d learned to push his fear aside while defusing bombs, and yet he’d been a coward when it came to facing his personal life.
How much longer could he go on like this? What if he wasn’t cleared to return to active duty? What if that IED had ended his military career? He’d have to make a life for himself somewhere, among normal people.
Clenching his fists, Will tipped his face to the sky and screamed as loud as he could. The wind swallowed the sound before it could echo. Frustrated, Will spun and slammed his fists against the driver’s-side door.
Pain throbbed in his hands and his eyes began to water. He was beginning to feel again and it frightened him. The armor he’d constructed to protect himself in battle was slowly crumbling and he wasn’t sure what kind of man was left underneath.
He’d never tolerated weakness in himself. Maybe that was part of the military DNA. Chin up and carry on. When he’d enlisted, Will had been determined to be the best marine he could possibly be. It was the best way he could honor the father he’d lost too early and the grandfather he’d admired. The marines would be the thread that connected him to his dad for all time, and with every experience he had, from boot camp to the front lines in the war, he’d felt as if he knew his father better.
He’d never told Liv about his reasons for enlisting. His dad had died before Olivia had been a part of Will’s life, so she’d never known him. And until recently, he hadn’t really examined his choices. But after coming out of the coma, Will had spent a lot of time looking back on his life and objectively assessing the path he’d chosen.
He’d defused hundreds of bombs and he’d never made a mistake. And then fate—or God, or just pure bad luck—had stepped in and reminded him that he was mortal after all. He was an imperfect man.
It was as if the explosion had knocked something loose inside of him. He suddenly seemed to have doubts about himself, about his future. The kind of doubts that could get a man killed. Maybe the bomb had been a warning, a sign that it was time to stop living on the edge of darkness and death and head toward the light.
Will pushed away from the SUV and opened the driver’s-side door. It was exhausting trying to hold himself together. Except when he was with Olivia. With her, his mind seemed to grow quiet, his nerves calmed and he was just a normal guy with normal emotions—like lust and desire. And as unfair as it was to her, he wasn’t sure he could resist that high.
Closing his eyes, he tipped his head back and drew in a long, deep breath of the icy air before climbing into the SUV again. Will flipped on the headlights and then drove the truck back to the boat landing. When he got to the cabin, he left the keys in the ignition and trudged through the snow to the front door.
As he closed the door behind him, Will realized that he hadn’t brought in firewood. He cursed softly, then crossed the room and flopped down on the sofa, face-first. Closing his eyes, he let his thoughts drift again to the kiss. How far would they have let it go?
He remembered how hot and desperate it used to be between him and Olivia. He’d been a boy pretending to be man. He’d learned a few things since then. Maybe she had, too. If they did make love again, it would be different than before. They were different.
Will drew a deep breath and let his imagination take over, dissolving into a lazy fantasy of undressing her. His fingers twitched, old instincts still alive and well. Funny how sometimes he struggled to remember words or simple tasks, yet seduction seemed to come back so easily.
But then, this was his fantasy. Reality would have to wait for later.
* * *
DRIFTS OF PLOWED snow lined the streets of Calumet, some of the piles nearly obscuring the houses behind them. The weather had cleared and an arctic front had dipped down from the north, making the air frigid.
Olivia reached out to crank up the heat in the Lexus. When she looked up, she noticed a lone figure walking down the side of the street, and she slowed as she drove around him. It was only at the last second that she realized it was Will.
She hadn’t seen him since last week, and though she’d tried calling a few times just to check in, they’d never been able to connect. Olivia had decided to stop calling when it occurred to her that he might be ignoring her on purpose.
She pulled the car over in front of him and honked her horn. Will jogged up and opened the passenger-side door. “Get in! It’s freezing out there.”
Will did as she commanded, and when he was settled in the passenger seat, he brushed his hood back and pulled off his gloves. “It’s not that bad,” he said.
“What are you doing out there?”
“Just taking a walk,” he said.
“In subzero weather?”
“Like I said, I didn’t really notice the weather.”
“Did you walk from your sister’s place?” Olivia asked.
Will glanced over at her. “No. From the lake cabin,” he said.
“Six miles? Why didn’t you call me? I could have come to pick you up.”
He smiled crookedly, and Olivia felt a measure of satisfaction. She felt good when she could get him to lighten up a bit. He seemed so somber...so sad. “There,” she teased. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“Walking into town?”
“No, smiling.”
He turned away, fixing his gaze outside the passenger window. “Sorry,” he murmured. “I’ll try to be more obliging.”
“No,” Olivia said. “I don’t want you to pretend.”
“Where were you going?” Will asked. “I thought you’d be at work.”
“I’m driving up to Copper Harbor. I’ve got a project that I need to check on. Do you want to come with or would you rather continue your stroll?”
He considered her offer for a few seconds, then shrugged. “I’ll tag along.”
She pulled out into the street and headed north out of town for the half-hour drive to the end of the peninsula. “Funny how we keep running into each other,” she said.
“Yeah,” Will replied.
“Kind of a bitter day for a walk,” she commented.
“Sometimes I just have to get out,” he said. They drove along in an uneasy silence for the next few minutes as Olivia racked her brain for a topic of conversation. They’d enjoyed themselves a few nights ago at the coffee shop, rekindling their friendship. But now suddenly all that progress had been lost and they were more like strangers again.
Will seemed completely comfortable with the silence, lost in his contemplative mood, but Olivia suspected that idle chitchat was exactly what he needed. He’d been cooped up in the cabin for far too long. “It’s good that you’re getting more exercise. It will clear out all the cobwebs.”
“You want to talk? Let’s talk about you. Tell me about this project of yours,” Will said.
Olivia sat up straighter. “It’s very exciting. It’s an idea I had when I was in medical school and part of the reason I wanted to come back here to work. I got some grant money to start some community wellness centers. They’d be staffed by nurse practitioners. All services would be completely free and it would be a central location with information about nutrition and health insurance and smoking cessation and—and— Well, the clinics will make huge difference. We’ll help people locate the resources they need to lead much healthier lives. And it will all be free. I’ve been able to raise enough money to open ten locations throughout the Upper Peninsula.”
“You seem very passionate about it.”
“It’s going to be very important. Because there’s a small population here, we can study the results and how well these wellness centers work, then we can expand to other rural areas. It means I have to commit to staying in the area for a while, but that’s no hardship. I want to stay here and improve the lives of people in this area.”
Will nodded. “I think it’s a brilliant idea, Liv.”
“We’re hoping to put our offices in the schools because they’d have the most visibility, and if we don’t find rental property, we’re going to look at trailers.”
“If anyone can make it work, Liv, you can.”
She glanced over at him. “Really?”
“You’ve always been the person who makes things happen. That’s what I admire about you.”
“It’s good to know you’re on my side. My boss at the clinic isn’t thrilled with the idea.”
“Why not?”
“He believes these people should visit their family practitioners for this information. That we can’t keep an eye on their health without a doctor watching over them. I argue that this is a way for people to get good information so they know when to go to the doctor. And if money is taken out of the equation, they’ll come.”
They spent the hour-long drive discussing the details of Olivia’s plan and at times, the mood in the car turned almost lighthearted. But when she tried to steer the conversation toward him and his health, his mood darkened immediately.
It pained her to see Will so uneasy with himself. He’d always been a quietly confident guy, but now, faced with the prospect of socializing, he acted like a cornered animal, ready to bolt at the earliest opportunity. She wasn’t sure she understood. “Why is talking so difficult for you?”
“I don’t know,” Will said.
“Yes, you do. What are you afraid of, Will? You’re safe here. You don’t have to look out for bombs or enemy soldiers.”
“There are bombs everywhere,” he murmured. “Just not the kind you’re thinking of.” He drew a deep breath. “After living in that world, I’m not sure I’m fit to live with normal people.”
“It’s going to take some time,” she said. “You’ve been conditioned to be watchful and suspicious of people. Those feelings don’t go away overnight. We can talk about this.”
“No,” he muttered. “No, we can’t.”
“I’m a doctor. Whatever you say to me is just between you and me.”
“Wouldn’t it be that way if you weren’t a doctor?”
“Yes, of course. I’m just telling you that you can trust me not to reveal anything that you mention to me.”
“Let’s just leave the war where it belongs,” Will said.
They drove the rest of the way in silence. When they reached Copper Harbor, Olivia followed the directions the real estate agent had given her and found the small log building near the waterfront. The place had once been a souvenir shop but was now abandoned and run-down.
“This is it?” Will asked.
“Yeah. The agent unlocked it, so we can go in and look,” she said.
They walked to the front porch, trudging through foot-deep snow. Will reached out and took her hand as they climbed the steps, then opened the front door. The agent had turned on the heat and it was surprisingly comfortable inside.
“This isn’t too bad,” Olivia said, gazing around. “I can imagine how it would work. A reception desk here, and we’d need to make a wall here. And this whole area would be available for workshops and meetings. Healthy-cooking classes and exercise demos and—” She took a deep breath and laughed. “I get so excited about this.” Olivia glanced over at Will to find him staring at her. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. This is important to you.”
“It is. I mean, I don’t want to be the kind of doctor who just stays in the office all day long and runs patients in and out on an assembly line. I want to make a difference. I want to show people that good health is in the food they eat and the miles they walk and in the positive attitude they have about life.”
“I believe you could do that.”
“And I want to do it in the UP. There are so many people who need me here.”
Will caught her hand and pulled her around to face him. “About the other night...” he started.
Olivia was stunned by the sudden shift in his mood—and the conversation. From the look on his face, it was obvious he was torn about something and that something had to do with her.
“At the coffee shop? We had a nice time,” she said. “I enjoyed myself.”
“I meant the kiss,” he murmured. “I wasn’t thinking. It was...unintended. But part of me wishes I’d taken it further.”
“Old habits die hard.”
“No, this is different. But I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”
“And what idea would that be?”
He paused for a long moment, and she could see he was having trouble putting together the words he wanted to say. Finally, he shook his head. “I don’t know.”
Olivia reached out and took his hand. “It was just two old friends reliving a moment from their past. Let’s just leave it at that.” And yet, the kiss hadn’t felt friendly at all. It had been a perfectly wonderful and passionate kiss, the kind of kiss Olivia craved. But falling into a romantic relationship with Will would only complicate the situation. He needed a friend more than he needed a lover.
“All right, we’ll try it your way,” he said, his tense expression softening slightly.
She gave his hand a squeeze, then pulled back, turning to look around the room. “I think I’ve seen enough here. There’s one more place to check out, then I’ve got to get home.”
“Big date?” he said.
Olivia laughed. “No. Just a few late appointments. But I do have to go to a party on tomorrow night. It’s a hospital fund-raiser thing at the theater. In the old ballroom?”
“Sounds fun,” he said.
She seized on an opportunity to try to help him. “It would be fun—if you came with me. It’s a really good cause. There’ll be free food and drinks. I bought six tickets, so we can each drink and eat for three people. There’ll be a band and dancing.”
“Are they giving you money for your project?”
“No, that’s a different foundation.”
“I guess I could come,” he said.
Olivia nodded. “All right, then. I can pick you up.”
“No, I’ll meet you there,” he said.
“All right. It starts at six. Cocktail attire. It’s a date.” She shook her head. “But not a date date.”
She walked to the door and stepped out onto the snow-covered porch. Getting Will out in society again was an important first step. And putting themselves in a crowd of people was the perfect way to avoid any intimate encounters. From now on, she was determined to treat Will more like a patient and less like an old boyfriend. Or a future one.
3 (#u440ba7bb-aa77-5de0-a2e6-c3c28595925c)
WILL STOOD OUTSIDE the theater, watching as people hurried inside. The marquee above his head announced the hospital benefit, and it was only now that he realized he’d be walking into a large crowd. He knew his fears were unfounded, but that didn’t make them any less real. He’d have to move among them, to engage in conversation and force down a meal, all the while battling an overwhelming case of... Hell, there wasn’t even a name for it. Or if there was, he didn’t know it.
It wasn’t claustrophobia, because that was the fear of small spaces. And he wasn’t afraid, just uneasy. The people in the confined space were what worried him. The dread racing though his body was irrational and yet completely real.
Will cursed beneath his breath. He’d have to put the fears aside. He’d walk up the stairs to the ballroom and find Olivia and everything would be fine. He’d stay by her side and focus only on her. He wouldn’t constantly scan the room for suspicious behavior or work out his exit plan in case something went down. He wouldn’t search for the closest safe cover or calculate his odds with the available weaponry. He’d simply try to have...fun.
“Will?”
He spun around, his nerves already on edge, and saw Olivia approach. Her hair fell in waves around her face and she was wearing a dress, her slender legs visible below the revealing hemline. Will reached for his tie, feeling woefully underdressed. He should have just worn his dress uniform. But he knew the stir that would cause, the comments and the questions, the endless conversations with strangers about what was going on in Afghanistan and Iraq. It was much better to stay under the radar.
“You look...incredible,” he said, leaning in to brush a kiss to her flushed cheek.
“So do you,” Olivia replied. She reached up and tugged at the knot on his tie. “A sport coat and tie. Very nice.”
“I borrowed it from Jim. Not too casual?”
“No, not at all.” She slipped her arm around his. “Come on, let’s go inside.”
Will knew the moment he started up the stairs that it would take all his strength and determination to get through the evening. There was so much chatter coming out of the ballroom that his brain hurt trying to process every voice. How was he supposed to carry on a conversation? Without camo and a weapon, he felt vulnerable. Olivia belonged here. He didn’t.
They checked their coats and Will’s breath caught in his throat as he took in the dress she wore. It fit her body like a second skin, showing off her tiny waist and long legs. The neckline was cut just deep enough to tease him with thoughts of her breasts. He was reminded again that this wasn’t the girl he’d loved all those years ago. She was confident and powerful and brilliant.
“Nice dress,” he murmured as they walked into the ballroom. He’d been to a few events in this room years ago, but it didn’t feel like familiar surroundings. He was a fish out of water.
A small jazz combo played on the stage, and several couples danced. Tables were set up on either side of the room, and candles cast a soft glow over the pale blue linens. The waitstaff, dressed in black, wandered through the room with trays of champagne and appetizers, and everyone seemed to be having a wonderful time.
Liv filled out name tags for both of them, then pasted his on his chest. Almost immediately, they were swallowed up by the crowd. People came up to talk to her and she politely introduced him. He attempted to reply to questions directed at him, but suddenly his mouth felt as if it were filled with sawdust.

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