United By Their Royal Baby
United By Their Royal Baby
Therese Beharrie
When Queen Leyna took the throne, she walked away from her first love, the king of another country, putting duty first.Now their kingdoms are under threat – and knowing only an heir will save them, can they fight to find a way back to each other?
A baby to heal their countries and their hearts?
When Queen Leyna of Aidara took the throne, she walked away from her first love, King Xavier of Mattan, putting duty first. Now their kingdoms are under threat, and the only way to bring stability is with a royal union.
Leyna knows the man she loved has barriers around his heart, but she can’t deny the glimmer of hope she still sees in his eyes. And knowing only an heir will save their countries, they must fight to find a way back to each other...
Conveniently Wed, Royally Bound
Three royal kingdoms united by marriage—or love?
When the kingdoms of the Three Isles—Aidara, Mattan and Kirtida—are threatened, for their young royal leaders duty becomes paramount. But in putting their countries first, they discover that their strategic marriages in name only run the risk of opening their guarded hearts to love...for real!
Find out more in:
United by Their Royal Baby
Childhood sweethearts Queen Leyna of Aidara and King Xavier of Mattan bear the emotional scars of ruling alone. But they now have nine months to find their way back to each other again...
Available now!
Falling for His Convenient Queen
King Zacchaeus of Kirtida and Princess Nalini of Mattan must unite their families in a marriage of convenience to secure their two kingdoms. But Nalini wants more than the cold marriage Zacchaeus has to offer. And it’s up to her to rescue his heart.
Available February 2018!
United by Their Royal Baby
Therese Beharrie
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
THERESE BEHARRIE has always been thrilled by romance. Her love of reading established this, and now she gets to write happily-ever-afters for a living and about all things romance in her blog at www.theresebeharrie.com (http://www.theresebeharrie.com). She married a man who constantly exceeds her romantic expectations and is an infinite source of inspiration for her romantic heroes. She lives in Cape Town, South Africa, and is still amazed that her dream of being a romance author is a reality.
For Grant, the light who helps me face my fears.
Thank you for always treating me like a queen.
And Luke and Leah,
I hope when you grow up, reading books where
characters look like you is the norm.
For now, this is for you.
I love you.
Contents
Cover (#u353fc265-d280-545a-bb75-a304cba2d1d7)
Back Cover Text (#u53a7336f-328d-523b-99f3-254e5a78bc74)
Introduction (#uca62e751-3ea9-5227-8347-6929fd8efdb7)
Title Page (#u536cbdbb-6ade-5d31-8da4-0fecd6952c23)
About the Author (#ua4960cdd-188a-5f79-9cde-abff8b340b25)
Dedication (#ub226fcc4-0da0-5233-a0a6-5eddb16307e5)
Prologue (#u4dd5a9db-1e76-54ea-b7b3-a0a794a54276)
Chapter One (#ue5200ac8-121d-52b9-bc65-752db4ff3bdd)
Chapter Two (#u5e93a002-7b66-52d0-821f-cc15cc054f40)
Chapter Three (#u74d07f8e-e94b-555b-be94-21b99c012060)
Chapter Four (#u27743575-37a4-5684-b12e-74af46f0843b)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seventeen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eighteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Prologue (#uabdab87b-abe2-54c3-bb29-df5cb921edb7)
PRINCESS LEYNA OF AIDARA thought she’d never been more content than right at that moment. She had the sun shining on her, the ocean in front of her and the sandy beach around her.
And, of course, she had the future King of Mattan lying next to her.
‘We should do this more often,’ she said, and dug her back a little deeper into the sand.
‘We do this at least once a week, Leyna.’
She could hear the amusement in Xavier’s tone and her lips curved.
‘We visit the beach at least once a week. Doing this—’ she lifted a hand into the air and gestured to the towels that lay side by side ‘—is a rarity that we should definitely make more time for.’
‘You’re only saying that because you want to escape your royal duties,’ Xavier teased.
‘And you don’t?’ she shot back, turning her head to offer him a grin.
And ignoring the inner voice that sounded dangerously like her grandmother telling her that Xavier was an excuse to do just that.
‘I’m the future King of Mattan, Princess,’ he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. ‘I’m aware of my duties. Even though there are things expected of me that I can’t possibly begin to imagine.’
Hearing the fatigue, the annoyance just beneath his words, she turned her body to face him, resting her head on her hand. ‘Are your mother and grandmother at it again?’
He mirrored her position. Before she could stop herself, her eyes took in his muscular body, the dark brown hair that was a mess from their swim earlier and the kindness that was clear in every feature of his face. Her heart began to race. And then she told herself to stop it, and notice how that kindness was now eclipsed by sadness—tinged with the slightest bit of anger—that she knew came from his hopelessness about his family.
‘When are they not at it?’ He shook his head. ‘Every time I think I do something right, they counter with something I should have done instead.’ He paused. ‘Maybe I’m just not doing anything right.’
‘Oh, that’s rubbish and you know it.’ She sat up now, curling her legs under her. ‘I’ve never seen someone put more effort into their crown than you have.’
‘Besides you, you mean,’ he said with a smile.
‘Of course.’ She smiled back, though the voice in her head had returned, this time telling her she would put in even more if she didn’t have Xavier in her life. ‘But what I meant was that that dedication already means you’re doing something right, Xavier. Trust it.’
She reached over to squeeze the back of his hand, but he turned his over so quickly she didn’t know it until his fingers threaded through hers. Her heart jumped, and she opened her mouth to cut off what she knew was coming.
‘No,’ he said before she could. ‘You’re not going to put me off this time, Leyna.’
‘What...what do you mean?’
‘I’d like you to marry me.’
Her chest tightened. ‘I don’t think that—’
‘Both our families want this, Leyna,’ he interrupted.
‘They want Aidara and Mattan bonded, yes. This—you and I?’ She shook her head. ‘They aren’t quite as invested in that.’ When he didn’t answer her, she frowned. ‘You know this. You know what they think about our friendship.’
‘But I know what we think about our friendship, too. Don’t you think that’s more important?’
She didn’t know what to say. But she did know that she was glad they were on Aidara’s private beach, where there would be no prying eyes witnessing their conversation.
‘Leyna.’ He sat up now. ‘There is no choice for me. I have to marry you or my heart won’t ever forgive me.’ The seriousness in his eyes upped her heart rate even more. ‘I know you feel the same way, too.’
‘Why are you doing this?’
‘Because it’s time,’ he said simply. He stood, and held out a hand to help her do the same. She took it, but when she was on her feet she snatched her hand back.
‘It’s time to ruin something that means more to me than anything else?’
‘No. It’s time to finally make this—us—into what we were always supposed to be, Leyna. A family.’
‘I have family. I have parents who are King and Queen of a kingdom that needs them.’
So they don’t have time for me to need them.
‘And a grandmother whose heart is still broken from losing her husband almost ten years ago.’
And who’s so focused on the crown she can’t support the person who’ll one day wear it.
‘I have family, Xavier,’ she repeated. ‘What I don’t have are friends. I need us to be friends.’
‘You don’t think we’d be friends if we were married?’ His sombre tone told her things would probably change between them now, regardless of what she chose.
The panic inside her told her to make the right choice.
‘We’re best as friends. Just friends.’
‘Is that you speaking, or your family?’
‘It’s me.’ But a part of her wondered. ‘I haven’t listened to what they’ve said about us before. I don’t care about that.’
‘Then why are you so scared of what’s between us, Leyna?’ He closed the space between them with one step.
‘Because...’ She cleared her throat when her words came out more breathily than she wanted. ‘Our lives aren’t easy. The thing that’s helped me through it is our friendship. We’ve been friends for almost twenty years.’ Her voice broke. ‘Don’t take that away from me.’
He lifted her chin. ‘I’m not taking anything away from you. I want to add to that friendship.’ The left side of his mouth curved into a half-smile. ‘Yes, we’ve been friends for twenty years. But you know I’ve been in love with you for most of that time.’ She opened her mouth to dispute his words, but he shook his head. ‘You know it’s true.’
‘No,’ she said firmly.
‘Really?’ he drawled. ‘Why have you been trying to stop me from saying it to you for all these years then?’ His eyebrows lifted when she didn’t reply, and then he nodded. ‘Because you do know it. We both have from the moment I gave you that rose when we were five.’
When her heart melted at even the memory of it, she finally acknowledged the truth of his words. But he was right. She was scared. Scared of the change, and of what that change would mean for her life. One day she would be Queen of Aidara and she knew what that would demand from her.
And it wasn’t because her grandmother had warned her of the demands of the role. Or the way she constantly referred to Xavier as a distraction, and their friendship as ‘childish’. After years of defending what they had, Leyna had learnt to brush it off, knowing that Kathleen had a limited idea of what real relationships were.
No, Leyna’s fears had nothing to do with Xavier, and everything to do with what she knew those demands would cost her. Because she’d seen exactly how they had affected her father.
King Clive had gone from exuberant Prince to reserved King. She had memories of her father being happy, chasing her around the royal gardens as her mother watched on, laughing. But in the ten years since he’d become King, that man had slowly faded away. Wrinkles of stress had replaced those of laughter. Every smile he gave her seemed like the hardest thing in the world.
The only remnant of the man her father used to be was the love he clearly still had for her mother. It made her ask, ‘Will you still love me when I become Queen, when you become King, and we both have the hardest jobs in the world?’
‘Of course I will.’ His hand moved from her chin to brush away a stray curl. ‘Who better to love and support you than someone who knows exactly what you’re going through?’
‘It’s going to be harder than anything we’ve had to do so far, Xavier,’ she said, to remind herself just as much as to remind him. ‘You’ve seen what it’s done to my father,’ she whispered.
‘We’ll get through it,’ Xavier said softly.
‘What if we got through it better as just friends?’
‘We’ve never been just friends, Leyna.’
‘So why bring it all up now?’
‘Because it’s your birthday in two days. You’ll be twenty-one and you’ll be expected to marry. Just as I’ve been expected to marry for the last year.’
She pulled a lip between her teeth at the reminder of their one-year age difference.
‘You know I’ve been waiting for you. It’s the only reason I’ve managed to put my family off. I love you, Leyna. I want to be married to you. And I know that we’ll be stronger together than we’ll ever be apart. Apart here meaning just being friends.’
She smiled at that and felt the punishing pulse of fear ease. ‘It’s not as charming as you think, you know. Having all the answers.’
She saw the relief in his features, and he grinned. ‘And yet you’re still in love with me.’
‘Full of yourself, too.’
‘But you love me,’ he insisted.
She studied him and felt a smile claim her lips. ‘Since you seem so sure, I suppose I don’t have to say it.’
‘If you don’t say it, I’ll be forced to carry you back into that water.’
‘And I’ll be forced to decline your proposal.’
His eyes widened in mock fear. ‘You wouldn’t.’
‘You have no idea what I’m capable of.’
‘Show me.’
The teasing tone of his voice disappeared in a flash, and the light that had been in his eyes heated.
‘Are you propositioning—’
She was silenced by his lips on hers.
It wasn’t their first kiss—that had happened when they were thirteen and fourteen, beneath the very palm tree they stood under now. But it might as well have been their first. When they were barely teenagers, the kiss had been out of curiosity. It had been exploratory. As had the other kisses they’d shared since.
None of them compared to this.
It had the heat of a summer’s day in Aidara. And the promise of passion that had been restrained for years. Leyna’s arms were around Xavier’s waist before she fully knew it, their bodies so close together she could feel every part of him. Her body responded and, for the first time in her life, Leyna felt like a woman. Not a daughter or a granddaughter. Certainly not like the heir to a throne.
No, she felt like a woman.
One who could make a man moan just as Xavier did now. One who had the power to make a man lift her from the ground and press her against the trunk of a tree so he could press even closer to her. She was lost in the sensation of his lips against hers, of his tongue in her mouth.
She was suddenly grateful they were at the beach, wearing the attire required by their location. It meant she didn’t have to battle with clothing to feel the muscular planes of Xavier’s body. It meant she could enjoy the way his hands touched—claimed—the curves of hers.
When his hand lifted a thigh so he could angle himself against her, Leyna heard a sound come from her throat. She felt Xavier still, and then he pulled his head away, just far enough so he could look into her eyes.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing,’ she breathed, and put a hand on the back of his neck, urging him closer.
‘Leyna,’ Xavier said. ‘I’ve known you all my life. Tell me.’
‘I just...’ She felt her face burn. ‘I’ve just never...’
‘You know I haven’t either.’
‘I know,’ she echoed, knowing that if Xavier had had another woman, she would have known about it. ‘But...are we doing this now? Against a tree on a beach, with our bodyguards a short distance away?’
‘I...I didn’t think about that.’
Xavier took a deep breath, and then took a step back. Leyna immediately missed the contact.
‘I didn’t mean that we can’t do it at all. I just... Well, I just pictured it on our wedding night. In a bed surrounded by candles and rose petals. With champagne cooling.’
She sounded like a fool. More so when silence followed her words. But then Xavier smiled.
‘You pictured it?’
Her cheeks went hot, but she laughed. ‘Maybe.’
‘On our wedding night?’
Her heart softened at the emotion she heard in his voice. ‘Yes.’
‘So you always knew there was more, too?’
‘Of course I did. Did you think I was resisting something I knew wasn’t true?’ She frowned. ‘You were so sure...?’
‘I was betting with the most important thing in my life, Leyna. I had to be.’
She stared at him, and then shook her head. ‘If I didn’t already love you, Xavier, I think I might have fallen for you right now.’
‘But you do. Love me.’
‘I do.’ And, realising that he needed to hear the words, she said, ‘I love you, Xavier.’
He pulled her into his arms and rested his forehead on hers. ‘And you’re going to marry me.’
‘I am,’ she answered, though it wasn’t a question. ‘As soon as I possibly can.’
‘I think this might be—’
It happened so quickly that Leyna barely registered what had cut Xavier off. All she knew was that her royal aide, Carlos, was now standing in front of her and Xavier. Their bodyguards hovered just beyond him; their expressions were twisted with an emotion she couldn’t read, but it had her heart pounding with fear.
‘What is it?’ she asked, stepping out of Xavier’s embrace.
‘I’m sorry to interrupt—’ there was the briefest moment of hesitation before Carlos said ‘—Your Majesty.’
Chapter One (#uabdab87b-abe2-54c3-bb29-df5cb921edb7)
Ten years later
‘IS HE HERE, CARLOS?’
‘I’m afraid not, Your Majesty.’
For the second time in Leyna’s life, Carlos had brought her news of the last thing she wanted to hear. Now, of course, he was bringing it to her as her private secretary and not as a royal aide.
But then, her father’s death had changed more than just Carlos’ title. She’d become Queen immediately, and had lost the only man she’d loved. And now the news that King Zacchaeus of Kirtida had not arrived for the State Banquet intended to affirm the Alliance of the Three Isles threatened to be just as life-changing.
She closed her eyes for the briefest moment and then nodded. Released a breath.
‘Please find His Majesty, King Xavier, and ask him to join me in the library.’
‘Of course, Your Majesty.’
When Carlos left, Leyna took another deep breath. And a moment to deal with the feelings tumbling through her stomach. She opened the doors to the balcony of her library and greedily inhaled the fresh air.
It felt like the only thing keeping her alive.
The panic came now. Not dull as it had been when she’d first heard that King Jaydon of Kirtida had been overthrown by his son, Zacchaeus. And nowhere near how it had felt when he’d consistently refused her and Xavier’s attempts to discuss the future of the alliance binding their islands together, though she’d believed it sharp then.
No, the feeling cutting through her lungs now, tightening her throat and making her hands shake, was much worse.
But she only had a few moments before Carlos returned with Xavier. She forced herself to focus on her breathing, something she’d learnt to do when she’d taken over the crown after her father’s death.
When her heart, broken from her breakup with Xavier and from her mother fleeing, had beat so hard she thought it would explode from her chest.
She straightened her spine when she heard the knock on the door, turning in time to see Xavier stride past Carlos into the library. As it always did when she saw Xavier—despite the fact that their relationship now was only a political courtesy—her chest tightened.
She told her memories to stay where they belonged, but couldn’t help the relief that washed through her at his presence.
‘He’s not here,’ Xavier said immediately, and she tried not to wince at the tone.
‘He’s not. Which means—’
‘That he is renouncing Kirtida’s place in the Alliance of the Three Isles.’
‘I’d like to think that isn’t true. That Kirtida is still a part of our alliance.’ She saw a glint in his blue—almost grey—eyes, and tilted her head. ‘But his actions since he overthrew Jaydon speak volumes.’
‘Refusing our calls to set up meetings and refusing to see us when we resorted to just arriving at Kirtida in hopes of a meeting?’ Xavier asked gravely. ‘Tonight was the last hope we had that he’s willing to work with us, Leyna. So yes, I think his actions tell us exactly where we stand with him.’
‘If we assume he’ll withdraw—’ panic rippled through her chest again ‘—what do we do?’
‘We respond accordingly.’
‘How?’
‘We ensure that Zacchaeus knows the alliance between Aidara and Mattan is still intact. We ensure that our people know it, too.’
‘I’m sure there isn’t any doubt about that,’ Leyna said. ‘You are here at the dinner intended to do that very thing after all.’
‘It isn’t enough.’
She saw the determination in his eyes—in each of the once kind, now intimidating angles of his handsome face—and the relief she’d felt steadily ebbed. Her body tensed, and she saw that tension reflected in his tall, muscular frame, too.
‘What do you have in mind?’ she asked carefully.
‘Something that will leave Zacchaeus and our people without any doubt about the strength of our alliance. Something that will reassure our people that Kirtida’s absence from the Alliance of the Three Isles doesn’t mean they are unprotected.’
Silence pulsed in the room, and then Leyna said, ‘Tell me what you’d like us to do, Xavier.’
‘We should get married.’
Leyna’s thoughts immediately went back to that day on the beach when Xavier had proposed to her.
Her knees nearly buckled and she turned away from him and walked straight onto the balcony. She gripped the railing and fought for breath. And then she fought to be free of the memories.
They were vicious, she thought, and crept up on her when she least wanted them to. She’d only been fooling herself with her hope that they’d stay in the past. But she’d been desperate. Perhaps because she knew every moment she spent with Xavier would threaten to draw her back into what could have been.
She couldn’t afford for that to happen. She couldn’t afford to think about the hope, the love, that she’d felt on the day he’d proposed to her. If she did, she would inevitably think of the cold feeling that had come over her when Carlos had first called her ‘Your Majesty’.
She would think about the days she’d spent in a daze of heartbreak, worsened by her mother leaving Aidara the moment they’d buried her father. She would remember the fear she’d felt about ruling alone. How all the warnings her grandmother had given her about Xavier had haunted her dreams.
And the utter devastation when she’d realised that she couldn’t be the Queen Aidara needed with Xavier by her side.
She took a minute to compose herself. When she was sure the emotion and memories were as far away as she could push them, she walked back into the library. Xavier’s face was stony, but just above his lip was a twitch Leyna recognised as anger.
‘How would that work exactly? Us, married?’
‘If we got married,’ Xavier spoke in a careful tone, ‘it would be clear—not only to Kirtida, but to the world—that Aidara and Mattan are united. And with our collective military, our resources, our people, we would be powerful enough to defend against anything Kirtida attempts.’
‘Marriages end, Xavier,’ she said in the same tone, and saw the heat of anger flare in his eyes.
Good.
‘Royal marriages don’t just end.’
‘No,’ she agreed. ‘But you and I both know we can’t anticipate what might happen in the future.’
Maybe bitterness spurred on her words, but she didn’t give it much thought. Whatever motivated them didn’t change that what she’d said was the truth. She’d seen it with her parents. Her father’s death had made her mother forget her responsibilities to the crown. To Aidara. To her daughter.
Granted, Helene had married into the royal family of Aidara, and hadn’t been Aidaraen herself. When Leyna was feeling sympathetic towards her mother, she thought it must have been hard for Helene to stay in the place where her heart had been broken.
But those times were rare, and quickly followed by the reminder that Helene had left her daughter to fend for herself in the hardest job in the world. Without any support.
‘What does that mean?’
‘It means exactly what I said. Marriages don’t last for ever. You know that better than anyone.’
‘Leave Erika out of this,’ Xavier nearly growled, and Leyna’s bitterness meshed with jealousy.
‘You’re the one bringing her into this,’ she said lightly. Carefully. ‘I wasn’t talking about your marriage—I meant the institution, not your spouse.’
She gave him time to process—though, if she were honest with herself, it was more for her to find her own control again.
‘What are you suggesting, Leyna?’
‘Only that marriage is not enough to secure an alliance. Especially a precarious one.’
‘So what do you want then? A child?’ he asked sarcastically.
She’d had a nippy reply on the tip of her tongue that disappeared the moment her mind processed his words. There was something in that, she thought. But, for the life of her, she couldn’t wade through the flood of emotions his suggestion had released to identify what that something was.
But, because she had to, she struggled through it. Through the hope that came from a dream she’d given up on a long time ago. Of being a family with Xavier. Of having children with him.
Through the sadness that had come with the realisation that that would never happen. Through the resentment that she would still have to carry a child—with some man who would be her husband though she would never love him—for the sake of the crown.
And again, through the resentment that she’d given up her dreams for the crown.
And then again, through the hope that maybe duty would make that dream come true after all.
‘It’s not a real option,’ Xavier interrupted her thoughts. Her gaze moved to his and held, sparks she would never admit aloud still flying between them.
‘Unless it is.’
‘How would that possibly improve the situation with Zacchaeus?’
‘For the reasons you outlined. Except now we don’t only have the marriage backing our alliance, but a child as well. Which would mean that even if something happens to one of us, Aidara and Mattan would still be protected by the other.’
‘Mattan would take care of Aidara if anything happened to you,’ Xavier answered stiffly.
‘Even if that’s true, whoever I marry would need to give me a child. An heir to the Aidaraen throne. You know that,’ she told him, and saw the confirmation of it in his eyes. ‘The same goes for you. There’ll need to be a child for the Mattanian throne, too. And you can’t deny the political power in having one child as an heir to both kingdoms’ thrones.’
Xavier ran a hand through his dark hair, giving her a glimpse of the lighter streaks that she knew showed when it wasn’t styled so precisely. It made the colour of his skin, which spoke of the mixed African and European heritage they both had, look like a tan. As though he had lazily picked one up on holiday instead of from the work he did amongst his citizens.
But anyone who knew Xavier couldn’t deny he was a king. Leyna had always thought he looked exactly as a king should—authoritative, uncompromising, powerful. Only she had been privy to the other side of him when they’d been growing up. The easy, laidback man who’d relaxed on the beach with her and would casually hold her hand as they walked through the gardens.
It felt like a punishment that she no longer saw that Xavier. No, now she, too, experienced only that authoritative, uncompromising and powerful side of King Xavier.
Just as everyone else did.
But could she blame him?
‘Let me see if I understand this,’ Xavier said. ‘You think that if we marry it won’t be enough to strengthen the alliance between Aidara and Mattan on the off-chance something might happen to one of us. So you want to have a child to make sure that if something happens, our kingdoms will still be protected because there is a single heir to both our thrones?’
‘Yes,’ she answered. ‘And don’t be so dismissive of the possibility of something happening to one of us. We’ve both seen people we love die younger than they should have. It is a possibility.’ She gave him a chance to process before continuing. ‘A child gives us assurances in both cases. If something happens and if it doesn’t, because there’s no way Kirtida can misinterpret marriage and an heir. There’s also no better way to strengthen the alliance.’
‘That might be true, except for one little thing.’
‘What?’
‘I can’t give you a child.’
Chapter Two (#uabdab87b-abe2-54c3-bb29-df5cb921edb7)
XAVIER WATCHED THE shock in her eyes disappear behind the curtain that hid all her emotions. The emotions he’d once been able to read as easily as he did his favourite books.
‘What does that mean?’ Leyna asked softly. He wanted to tell her—would have, had it been ten years before—but he couldn’t bring himself to say that he was infertile. The fact that he’d alluded to it at all told him how much she shook him.
And how much he wanted to shake her.
How much he wanted to crack that perfectly logical, reasonable veneer she wore like a shield.
‘It means there are cracks in that perfect plan of yours. And it’s all a little...desperate.’
‘You were the one who brought it up,’ she shot back, reminding him of yet another of his slips. ‘And yes, a child is desperate, but aren’t we in a desperate situation?’
‘So, you’re saying desperate times call for desperate measures?’
‘If you’d like to use that cliché to help you understand it, then yes.’
‘And how would we conceive this child?’ He knew he wasn’t asking it because of his fertility problems but, again, because he found himself wanting to pierce through that cold facade. ‘Should I stay after the banquet for us to get...reacquainted?’
He hated how bitter he sounded—worse still, how the bitterness had made him more vulgar than he’d intended. He watched her honey-coloured skin go pale, and felt the satisfaction of it just as acutely as he felt the shame.
Her lack of colour made the golden-brown of her hair—the green of her eyes—all the more striking. And if he added the gold dress she wore, which clung to her curves in a way that made him forget she was a queen...
She wasn’t the delicate Princess from their youth any more, he thought. Though her face still had its slight angles and there were still freckles lightly spread over her nose, the woman who had laughed with him in the waters that separated their islands—the woman who’d once agreed to marry him—was gone.
The woman who stood in front of him now had a realism in her eyes that sent an ache through his body. The light that had always been there had been dimmed by whatever she’d gone through in the ten years since they’d been close. There was power, more authority, too. She’d changed, he knew.
But then, so had he.
‘It won’t work,’ she told him, colour flooding her skin again. ‘I know you’re trying to shake me, but it won’t work.’
‘Won’t it?’ he asked, taking a step towards her. Her eyes widened, and awareness sizzled through his body. He’d loved those eyes once. They’d told him everything he needed to know. And though there were many less disturbing memories to choose from, his mind offered him the day Leyna had agreed to marry him.
Her eyes had shone with a love he hadn’t thought capable of hurting him the way it—the way she—had. And then there had been the desire in her eyes a few moments later. When he’d had her against a tree. She’d wanted him as much as he’d wanted her, but there had been fear, uncertainty, too.
He saw those emotions in her eyes again now. And it made him wonder whether they were caused by the same reason. That she’d never been with a man before. The thought stirred a mess of emotions in his chest that he didn’t want to think about. Though there was one thing he couldn’t ignore, and that was the fact that he still wanted her, regardless of what the answer to that question was.
It shocked him into stepping back.
‘No, it won’t,’ she said, and he heard the breathiness she tried to mask. ‘Because we both have kingdoms to think about. Unless you’ve forgotten that’s the real reason for all of this?’
She was right, he thought. He needed to think about his kingdom. And that meant he couldn’t deny her suggestion had merit. If he pushed all his feelings about it aside, he could recognise the strength and subsequent protection a marriage and child would offer Mattan.
He was also sure his family would approve. Sure, they’d treated his relationship with Leyna as an indulgence in the past. Mostly because they couldn’t deny how beneficial a union between him and Leyna—between Mattan and Aidara—would have been. But the moment they’d realised that wouldn’t be happening, they’d told him to snap out of it. To think of his kingdom.
Since that was what drove him now, too, he knew they would approve. And since the man he and Leyna had grown up with no longer seemed to exist in Zacchaeus, Xavier was forced to face that this might be their only option.
Which meant he needed to tell her the truth of his fertility problems.
The thought had him heading straight to the alcohol decanter next to her desk. He flipped over two glasses, and poured a splash of the brown liquid into each. He offered her one and, when she took it, downed his own. He would have liked another, but that wouldn’t have been wise considering what he was in Aidara to do. Or what he was about to say.
‘I can’t have children.’
He set the glass back in its tray. It gave him a reason to avoid the emotion on her face.
‘You...’ Her voice faded. ‘I’m so sorry, Xavier.’
‘I’ve accepted it.’
‘How...how do you know?’
‘I was married, Leyna,’ he reminded her, and saw hurt pass over her face so quickly he didn’t know what to think about it. So he continued. ‘Erika and I tried to have children before she died. We could never conceive.’
‘That must have been terrible for you...and Erika. I’m sorry.’
Emotion churned inside him. Erika had been devastated by their battle to have children. And when they’d found out that there was no medical reason why they couldn’t, she’d turned angry.
By then, she’d learnt that the allure of marrying a king had only been in her imagination. That the reality of it was far more demanding—and sometimes more demeaning—than she’d wanted.
Would she still have felt the same if she’d become a mother?
He never gave himself the permission to consider it. All he knew was that the only thing that had kept Erika committed to being Queen had been the prospect of a child. And when that hadn’t happened she had become more and more withdrawn. And he’d felt more and more guilty. Because though there’d been no proof that it was him, it had to be.
‘Why not? Why can’t you have children?’ Leyna’s soft voice interrupted his thoughts.
‘We tried and we didn’t conceive.’
‘Yes, you said that.’ She frowned. ‘That doesn’t mean you were the reason you couldn’t conceive.’
‘It wasn’t Erika’s fault,’ he said sharply.
‘I wasn’t saying that it was. But there is such a thing as unexplained infertility.’
It was what the doctor had told them, too. But, as someone who’d needed answers, Xavier hadn’t been happy with that. Neither had Erika. So he’d accepted the blame for it.
‘So there’s no medical reason that you can’t conceive?’
He clenched his jaw. ‘No.’
‘Then we still have a chance.’
‘I must have missed this unfeeling side of you when we were friends.’
He saw her flinch, but her voice was steady. ‘The reality of our lives—of our duty—doesn’t always allow us to feel, Xavier.’
‘Is that how we’ll conceive this child then? Without feeling?’
‘Why not?’
‘You have to have some kind of feeling to conceive a child, Leyna.’
‘Perhaps, if you want to do it naturally.’ She raised an eyebrow—taunting him, he knew, with the insinuation. ‘But, since this is going to be a contract, I think we should consider other options. To keep things...official.’
Relief and disappointment mingled in his chest. ‘You mean artificial insemination?’
‘Or IVF.’
‘It would take time we might not have.’
‘Which is why we should do it as soon as possible.’
With each word, his heart grew heavier. It weighed down his response so that, although he knew she was right, he couldn’t bring himself to agree. Agreeing would mean that the distance he’d sought from her for ten years would be destroyed. It would bring back all the feelings he’d avoided thinking about since Erika had died. Feelings of failure, of heartbreak.
And if he agreed to marry Leyna he knew he would feel as though he was being disloyal to Erika. Worse still, if it worked and Leyna fell pregnant, he would feel as though he’d betrayed Erika. He’d be living the life she’d once accused him of always wanting.
He wasn’t sure he could live with that guilt.
‘Do you agree, Xavier?’
‘Does it matter? You seem to have everything neatly planned anyway.’
‘Neatly?’ she repeated, disbelief in her voice. ‘This is probably the least neat thing I’ve ever planned, Xavier. Do you think I want to be married to you, to carry your child?’
‘Well, if it’s such a burden then—’
‘Stop it,’ she snapped, anger turning her cheeks red. ‘Our lives are filled with burdens. They’re called responsibilities. They’re a part of our duty.’ He saw her chest heave, revealing the passion with which she spoke her words. ‘Duty comes first, Xavier. It always has and it always will. This plan I’ve so neatly outlined is going to require sacrifices from the both of us, and it won’t be pleasant. In fact, I’m pretty sure it might destroy me.’
Her eyes widened and she turned away from him. It had been her first real show of emotion—proper, spontaneous emotion that told him the veneer of aloofness had been cracked. It had surprised her and, though he’d wanted to crack that shield, it had surprised him, too.
He didn’t know what to make of her words. What would destroy her? Working with him? Being married to him? Carrying his child? Was she just as affected as he was by the prospect that this decision would make them share their lives in the way they’d always imagined? Or was it because the circumstances of this life together were nothing like they’d imagined, ensuring that this decision would make their lives infinitely more complicated?
‘Perhaps there’s a simpler solution,’ he said suddenly, his thoughts turning him desperate.
‘There is no simple solution for us. For this,’ she said, turning back to him. Her eyes were bright, troubled, and he wanted to reach out and comfort her. But he didn’t. Of course he didn’t. He didn’t know her any more. Comforting her wasn’t his job.
‘Duty is never simple,’ he said mockingly. But she responded seriously.
‘No, it isn’t. It will never be simple for us, nor will it ever be simple between us.’
It was the first time she’d made any kind of mention of their past, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. So he didn’t respond, instead letting the silence stretch. He felt it build, felt the tension pulse from both of them.
It made him want to ask her why she’d done it. Why she’d broken his heart. Why she’d broken them. It made him want to tell her how long he’d been broken. How he’d still had to pick up the pieces in the first years of his marriage to Erika. How that had started the cracks that had eventually broken him and Erika, too.
‘We can try to set up a meeting with Zacchaeus one more time,’ she said, breaking the silence.
‘You know that won’t work.’
‘Then we move on to Plan B.’
‘Marriage and a child?’
‘Marriage and a child,’ she confirmed.
‘We don’t have the luxury of time here,’ Xavier said quietly. ‘If Zacchaeus decides to attack either of us, our kingdoms will be helpless to stop him.’
‘One more attempt at diplomacy, and then we move on to Plan B, Xavier,’ Leyna said again. ‘Now, we should get back before they realise we’re gone.’
She set the glass down, its contents untouched, and walked out of the room before he could reply.
Chapter Three (#uabdab87b-abe2-54c3-bb29-df5cb921edb7)
LEYNA HAD HAD to leave the room—to escape Xavier’s company before she said something she regretted.
She already regretted too much of that conversation. That burst of emotion had reminded her of the woman she’d once been. The woman who’d died long ago. She needed to remind herself that the Leyna who’d let emotion guide her was gone. She had to be led by logic and reason. By the needs of her kingdom.
Because she was terrified of what would happen to her—inside of her—if she didn’t.
Her steps faltered. Her heart stuttered. Hurt pushed at the wall she’d hidden it behind. She closed her eyes, gave herself a moment. And then she straightened her shoulders and pushed ahead, forcing it all out of her mind as she walked into the hall.
Her royal duties required her attention.
Each year one of the islands in the Alliance of the Three Isles hosted the State Banquet to affirm their ties with other countries. There were thirty dignitaries there that evening and, considering the Isles’ geographical location, many of them were from Africa. The others were European, who, in honour of the three British men who’d found the islands with their African wives at the end of the eighteenth century, kept their ties with the Isles.
Leyna mingled, moving from the King of Spain to the King of Swaziland, and then to the delegation from South Africa. Before she knew it, dinner had been announced. She walked to the head of the table, her stomach turning when she saw Xavier. It wasn’t a surprise—it was custom that the monarchs of the Isles sit there—so she forced her feelings at seeing his blank expression aside and thought again of her duty.
She touched Xavier’s arm before he could take his seat.
‘We can’t have an empty seat at the head of the table. It would make Zacchaeus’ absence more conspicuous, and I won’t be able to field questions as easily if it’s staring our guests in the face. Someone has to sit in Kirtida’s place.’
He frowned down at her, but nodded. ‘Aidaraen?’
She shook her head. ‘My grandmother is the only one from Aidara who would be appropriate, and she—’ She no longer seems to think she needs to support her kingdom when she doesn’t approve of its queen. ‘She isn’t here. Can you ask someone from your family?’
‘My grandmother,’ he said immediately, but she could sense his reluctance. So things hadn’t got better in the ten years they’d grown apart, she thought. ‘She’d be the best option, considering my mother couldn’t be here tonight.’ His mother was ill, Leyna remembered. ‘Please excuse me.’
Formality—distance—lined his words. But it was for the best, she told herself, and hated the ache in her chest that said otherwise.
A few minutes later, Xavier returned with a graceful older woman at his side. Envy slithered its way through her before she shook it off. It was natural to envy the grace and poise the former Queen Consort of Mattan carried effortlessly with her. But envy was not a trait Leyna wanted to have as a queen, nor as a woman.
‘Your Majesty,’ Leyna said and curtsied.
‘Let’s not waste time with the formalities, Leyna.’ Xavier’s grandmother brushed kisses on both Leyna’s cheeks, and Leyna found her lips curving.
‘It’s lovely to see you, ma’am.’
The older woman sighed. ‘I recall you using that term years ago. But perhaps now we’ve reached the point where we can both use each other’s first names. Paulina will do. And don’t you dare refuse.’
Paulina lifted a hand to wave off Leyna’s response, and Leyna nodded.
‘As you wish... Paulina.’
Though she got an approving smile from Paulina, the name felt wrong on Leyna’s lips. To deal with it, Leyna made a point of avoiding addressing Paulina by name. She received a few looks that told her Paulina knew what she was doing, but Leyna just smiled in return and moved onto the next topic. Conversations were easy for her. Except when they were with former best friends—fiancés—Leyna considered, her eyes flitting over Xavier.
‘I’d hoped to see the new King of Kirtida here with us tonight,’ Paulina said when things were loud enough at the table that no one would overhear.
Though she could hardly manage to forget it, Leyna winced at the reminder. ‘I had, too.’
‘We should have anticipated this mess,’ Paulina continued. ‘There was always something in that boy’s eyes.’
Leyna didn’t respond, and Paulina turned her attention to the conversation beside her. Leyna was grateful. Her thoughts had clamoured at Paulina’s words, and she told herself, very deliberately, that it didn’t make her any less of a queen that she hadn’t anticipated their current situation.
It didn’t mean she’d failed her people.
She lived with the constant fear that she wasn’t doing enough. It didn’t matter how hard she worked, that fear remained. And she’d worked hard. She’d had to rebuild the morale of a kingdom that had lost its King and Queen in a matter of weeks. She’d had to earn their trust and make them believe that, though she was only twenty-one, she could be their Queen.
It had required all her time and all her attention. It had reminded her of her grandmother’s warnings. Was it any wonder she hadn’t had time for Xavier any more? She’d broken things off the minute she’d realised—really realised—how much work she had ahead of her.
It had hurt her to do so—more still when the demands of his crown hadn’t kept him from having a life. From having a relationship.
With someone who wasn’t her.
She closed her eyes against the anger, the jealousy, the resentment and pain, and fought off the loneliness that threatened to creep in. As it did almost every day.
‘Stop frowning,’ Xavier said under his breath. ‘People will think there’s something wrong with the food.’
‘Not the food, just the alliance they’re all here to celebrate.’
‘Don’t,’ he warned. ‘We’ll talk about it later.’
‘Yes, sir.’
She looked over in surprise when she heard his fork scrape against the plate. He was holding his utensils so tightly that his knuckles were white. It had her heart racing, especially since she wasn’t sure what had upset him.
‘Relax,’ she said lightly. ‘We have to keep the illusion of peace between the two of us.’
‘Are we at war then?’
‘No,’ she answered truthfully. ‘But our lives might end up being the collateral to stave one off.’
He didn’t respond to that, and somehow they made it through the rest of the dinner without saying another word to each other. Leyna led her guests to the more casual State Hall where the speeches would take place and gifts would be exchanged. She stood at the front next to the royal family of Mattan—Paulina, Xavier, his sister, Alika, with her husband, and his other sister, Nalini—accepting gifts with a smile even though she knew she was being watched.
No, she thought when her spine went rigid. She wasn’t being watched so much as judged. She knew her guests were wondering where the other member of Aidara’s royal family was. They’d always wanted that show of unity, especially after her mother had left Aidara. It seemed to reassure her people and their allies that Aidara was still as strong as it had been when Leyna’s grandfather, her grandmother Kathleen’s husband, had ruled.
But the last time Leyna had refused a suitor Kathleen had brought before her, her grandmother had declared that Leyna was a lost cause and had left Aidara for a diplomatic trip to South Africa.
It spoke volumes to Leyna that that was the least of her problems now. Because she also knew her guests were speculating more about the absence of the royal family of Kirtida than they were about Kathleen.
Murmurs had spread through the room as they’d gone through the formalities of the gift exchanges. No doubt discussing what the implications of Kirtida’s absence would be. She’d soothed many of the concerns when she’d done her rounds earlier, but that wouldn’t stop the rumours.
And there was nothing she could do about that.
She felt the room snap to attention before she saw why, and then felt her own body straighten in anticipation of the speech Xavier would be giving on behalf of the Isles. He’d stepped in front of the small podium that had been designed for the occasion. It was his presence, she thought. It commanded attention. She admired it.
He carried it with him so effortlessly—the authority, the confidence—that no one would have suspected he’d once begged Leyna not to leave him.
‘You’d never know how broken he is, would you?’
Leyna frowned, wondering how someone had read her thoughts. She shook it off and glanced over to see Xavier’s sister Nalini now standing beside her.
‘What do you mean?’
‘What do you see when you look at my brother?’
Leyna’s eyes shifted to Xavier. His muscular body wore the uniform representing his kingdom with ease, his handsome features set in an expression that was both commanding and open. Her heart fluttered, and she blushed when she saw Nalini watching her.
‘I see a king.’
Nalini took a few seconds to respond. ‘I think that’s who he sees, too. I think that’s the only thing he sees. He lost the man somewhere. I think maybe it was when he lost the woman he loved.’
‘I can only imagine what he must have gone through when Erika died. Losing someone you love is difficult.’
‘That was hard, of course,’ Nalini agreed. ‘But I was actually talking about you.’
Shock seized her tongue, and there was a long pause before Leyna replied.
‘No. I mean, he didn’t... I don’t think that’s true.’
‘Oh, it’s true,’ Nalini assured her, uncharacteristically serious. ‘Things became worse after Erika. But it started with you.’
Leyna had no response to that.
‘Xavier’s marriage wasn’t...easy, Leyna. And then they struggled to have a baby, and... Well, it was a heavy burden on Xavier. Worse because Erika didn’t know how to carry her part of that burden—of being Queen and of not conceiving naturally.’
Leyna felt as if she were being sucked into quicksand. She drew on her breathing techniques, knowing that she had to control the panic building in her chest.
‘He loved her and he was devastated when she passed on. But it’s been three years now and...’ Nalini’s voice faded and Leyna could see the Princess’s concern for her brother.
‘Why are you telling me this?’
‘Not to upset you,’ Nalini said quickly. ‘I’m sorry if I have.’ Leyna nodded, but didn’t speak. ‘I think... I’d hoped that you’d help him. I know that’s probably out of line, but you’re the only person...’ She trailed off and then took a breath. ‘I’m telling you this because I thought you’d be able to remind him of the person he used to be. The man who’d lived and didn’t just rule.’
Leyna barely noticed that Xavier had finished his speech, but her heart raced when she caught him walking towards them.
‘Please,’ Nalini whispered, and Leyna didn’t get the chance to respond when Xavier joined them.
‘That wasn’t incredibly boring,’ Nalini said brightly. Perhaps too brightly, Leyna thought.
‘Thank you, I think?’ But he frowned, looking at Nalini and then Leyna. It took Leyna a second to realise that she should say something to him, too, and she cleared her throat.
‘It was wonderful, thank you. I hope my speech next year is just as elegant when Mattan hosts the banquet.’
‘Are you okay?’
‘Yes,’ she answered quickly, and avoided Nalini’s eyes. ‘Please excuse me. I think Carlos is looking for me.’
He wasn’t doing anything to indicate that he was, but Leyna strode towards him with enough purpose that anyone watching would think he had called for her. When he saw her coming, his eyes widened and he stood at attention.
‘Your Majesty.’
‘You can relax, Carlos. I just need an excuse to get some air.’
She gave him a shaky smile and saw some of the tension seep from his stance.
‘Would you buy me some time? Tell anyone who’s looking for me I’m speaking with someone else privately. You can do that until I return. I won’t be long.’
Though she read confusion in his eyes, Carlos nodded and Leyna made her way through the secret tunnels that led to Aidara’s private beach. She kicked off her shoes at the edge of the sand and lifted the hem of her dress. It was practical—she wanted to be able to walk more easily—but she also didn’t want to ruin the beautiful dress. Then she stopped just before the water reached her feet and took a long steadying breath.
This beach held so many memories for her. Despite the fact that those memories were tainted with sadness now, it was still the place she came to for calm. For balance. She needed both now as the information Nalini had told her swirled in her head.
Xavier had had a difficult marriage. The knowledge grieved her. Even though she’d felt betrayed when he’d moved on so quickly from her, Leyna hadn’t wanted him to be unhappy. She’d wanted him to find contentment. To live a full life without her.
No, she corrected herself. What she’d wanted was for him to live a happy, full life with her. It was a contradiction that Nalini’s words had alerted Leyna to. She had never wanted Xavier to be unhappy but, if she was honest with herself, she didn’t want him to be happy without her.
She was a selfish, selfish person.
And now she was planning a marriage with him. And a child.
Hadn’t she jumped on that? She hadn’t wasted time thinking about what being married to him, what carrying his child would cost her. Not until she’d admitted to him that it might just destroy her.
She hadn’t wanted to admit it, but she couldn’t deny the truth of it now. She’d worked even harder rebuilding herself than she had on rebuilding her kingdom ten years ago. Turning away from Xavier had been absolutely soul-destroying. The only way she’d been able to survive the decision since was to focus on her duty. To focus on what she’d turned away from Xavier for.
She’d refused her grandmother’s suitors, had refused to date since. Hell, she’d refused to make time for any emotion that wasn’t necessary to run her kingdom. And now, with the possibility of a future with Xavier looming... It was enough for all the emotions she’d been ignoring to come flooding back in.
Leyna could see herself carrying a baby that was part her, part Xavier. She could already feel it move inside her, and see herself holding it for the first time. It would have Xavier’s almost grey eyes and her brown curly hair. It would have his laugh...
‘You can’t keep abandoning your guests like this, Leyna.’
She whirled around at Xavier’s voice, wondering for the briefest of moments if she’d imagined it. But he was there, walking towards her, his bare feet a stark contrast to the full-dress uniform he wore.
‘I just needed a break to think.’
‘About?’
She let out a strangled laugh. ‘What do you think?’
‘I think you need to put duty first. Doing that means marriage. And, apparently, a child,’ he added, and her heart thudded.
‘Easier said than done,’ she told him, and turned back just in time to see the water splash millimetres from her feet.
‘The conundrum of duty.’
‘You say that like it’s affected your life somehow.’
‘That’s a joke, right?’
‘I don’t mean in the usual sense.’ Her eyes followed the waves as they pulled back before crashing at the shore again. ‘I mean, how has it changed your life? How has it dictated your life?’
‘You really want to know?’ he asked, his voice low, tinged with something that had her turning towards him. A poor decision, she thought immediately, when she saw the look on his face—when she saw the seriousness, the fire, in his eyes.
Her belly stirred with a desire long-forgotten, her heart reminding her that they were in their place. That the reason he’d been able to find her when no one else would have was because he knew this was where she’d come to think. Where he’d found her countless times before.
Suddenly, the sound of the waves provided an alluring backing track. The night-time sky with its moonlight and stars offered more romance than she wanted.
She took a step back. ‘Tell me.’
‘Why don’t you go first?’
‘What is this? I show you mine, you show me yours?’
‘No.’ He took a step towards her now, and her heart pounded even harder as her body tightened. ‘But something tells me that your experiences are the reason for mine.’
Chapter Four (#uabdab87b-abe2-54c3-bb29-df5cb921edb7)
‘THERE YOU GO AGAIN,’ Leyna said hoarsely. ‘Thinking you have all the answers.’
‘Not all of them,’ he replied, his hand lifting before he could stop it to brush at a curl that had escaped from her bun. ‘Just this one.’
He knew he was playing with fire. The beach, that dress, the magnetism she exuded without even trying... It was bound to get him burned, and he still had the scars from the last time he’d played with the fire.
Yet he couldn’t move away.
‘I’ve made too many decisions for duty,’ she said softly. ‘I can’t possibly begin to name them all.’
‘How about the night you told me you couldn’t be with me? When you said that you’d mistaken the love you felt for me as a friend for more?’ Forgotten anger stirred and his hand moved to the small of her back, pressing her closer to him. ‘I begged you to tell me what was happening, to help you get through whatever it was.’
‘I told you the truth then.’ Her voice shook. ‘There was never more. There couldn’t be more.’
‘You’re saying there isn’t more, Leyna?’ He dipped his head so their mouths were a breath apart. ‘What royal duty had you deciding you couldn’t be with me?’
‘Stop it,’ she said, and tried to put distance between them. But he kept his hand on her back, refusing to allow her to pull away from him again. ‘Xavier, let me go.’
Her voice had gone cold. The shield was back up, he realised. His hand loosened its grip on her and he slipped it into his pocket and took a step back. His fingers curled into a fist when he realised his hand was now shaking, and he took another step away from her.
She was making him lose his mind. His bearings. And if he didn’t have them, what would stop him from continuing where they’d left off ten years ago?
It was the talk of marriage and children—as though it were as easy as it had been then—that had made him forget about the life he’d lived in those ten years since. He could almost hear Erika’s voice mocking him, asking him whether she was really so easy to forget. Taunting him that things were turning out exactly as he’d wanted them to all along.
It had been a constant argument between them. No matter how much Xavier had told her he was committed to them, that Leyna had no part in their relationship, the argument had remained. And no matter how hard he had fought to keep Leyna separate from his life with Erika, she was always there. In the simplest things, and the most complicated emotions.
Erika had deserved more. She hadn’t deserved to be compared to another woman. Didn’t he know what it was like to be compared to someone who’d come before? To be held to an unfair standard? It didn’t matter who that person was, the feeling was terrible. And his wife had deserved more than that. She’d deserved more than a sudden death when she was barely thirty, too.
He hadn’t been able to give her all that she’d deserved when she was alive, but he could try to make up for that now. And what she deserved now—what her memory deserved—was that he keep things between him and Leyna strictly professional.
His kingdom deserved it, too. He could still hear the words his father had said to him after Leyna had broken up with him. Xavier had been so heartbroken he hadn’t been able to keep up with his responsibilities. His father had taken him aside, and had given him the tough love he’d needed.
Always put the kingdom first.
He might not have a choice about what they had to do to protect their kingdoms, but he could choose to remember that. To honour his kingdom and his wife. To set boundaries where Leyna was concerned. Yes, he could do that.
‘We’ll have to make the people believe it,’ he said. If she was confused—or relieved—by the shift in topic, she didn’t show it.
‘I don’t think it matters whether they believe it. They’ll appreciate our attempts to protect them.’
‘They probably will. But they’d know why, and it might have them panicking. If we do this, it will speak to their desire to believe that everything is fine.’
‘I suppose that’s true,’ she said, and shifted the hem of her dress from her left hand to her right. It drew his attention to her long, shapely legs, and he looked away before they tempted his already tenuous control. ‘We should head back.’
He walked with her but said, ‘We should talk about this more.’
‘I agree. Tomorrow? We can meet here again, if that suits you, and talk through the details. Xavier?’ she said when they reached the pathway leading back to the castle. ‘Are we really doing this? Getting married and having a child?’
‘We have to.’
She nodded. ‘I suppose there’s a wedding and a baby in our future then.’
‘For the sake of our kingdoms.’
He said it as a reminder to both of them of what was at stake. They had to put their feelings aside and focus on protecting their kingdoms.
She straightened her shoulders, an expression fierce with determination on her face, and repeated, ‘For the sake of our kingdoms.’
* * *
Xavier made his way to the roof of the Aidaraen castle, more than a little annoyed that Leyna was there when she should have been in her library, preparing for their meeting together. They’d agreed the previous evening to hash out the details of their arrangement there. And, since it was something neither of them really wanted to do, the least Leyna could have done was to make sure she kept to their plan.
As he climbed the stairs, though, he realised that he should be glad she wasn’t at the beach. He’d struggled with the memories when they’d been there together the night before. In the clear light of day—after the sleepless hours he’d spent thinking about it—he knew that seeing her in the place that had always been theirs had been partly responsible for the spell that had taken over him.
The other parts he didn’t care to think about. But, since he’d made a pact with himself the night before, it didn’t matter anyway.
The more he thought about it, the more he realised the roof of the castle was the perfect venue for the type of conversation they needed to have. Private, secure. But his thoughts stalled when he walked through the door.
The usually empty space now held a round table in the middle of it. The table was set for an intimate date, with red and pink flowers in the centre and an ice-bucket with champagne cooling just beside it. Each corner of the rooftop held a potted tree and colourful plants, green and bright, as though they’d been there since the beginning of time.
His eyes then moved to the woman who stood beside the table, and his gut tightened.
Leyna wore a simple white dress that was cut in a V at her neck and flowed gracefully down to her ankles. It was perfectly respectable. Or it would have been, he thought, if it had been on anyone else.
On her, the demure dress looked as if it was designed to be torn off. Thrown aside by hands—his hands—in order to roam over the slim curves of her body as his lips took hers, his tongue tasting whether she was still as innocent as she’d been when he’d first kissed her at fourteen, or as alluring—as seductive—as she’d been the day she’d said yes to his proposal.
He clenched his fists and though he knew he ought to make his way to her, he moved back. It was a futile attempt to distance himself from the memories. From the attraction. From the consuming need his body ached with when he saw her, tempting him to suggest they try for a child the natural way.
Why was it so difficult to ignore? He had the best reasons not to want her. She’d broken his heart, damn it, and trampled on its pieces when she’d walked out of his life. He’d even promised himself that he would try harder. For his kingdom. For Erika.
He had the best reasons, he thought again, and still they didn’t seem to be enough. Not when he had a compelling reason for them not to be.
He took in the classically beautiful features of her face, framed by tendrils of golden-brown curls. The rest of her hair was tied at the top of her head, almost making a crown, he thought. The casual style seemed no less royal than the elegant, swept back one she’d worn the night before.
She was still as captivating, as breathtaking as she’d been when he’d first fallen in love with her. And damn her for it.
‘What’s all this?’ Xavier said, refusing to wince when he heard the sharpness in his voice.
‘Well, you said we need to make our kingdoms believe this,’ she said mildly. ‘There’ll be a helicopter flying over the castle in about thirty minutes. They’ll take pictures, which will accompany an article suggesting we’ve been seeing each other in secret for the past month.’
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Therese Beharrie
When Queen Leyna took the throne, she walked away from her first love, the king of another country, putting duty first.Now their kingdoms are under threat – and knowing only an heir will save them, can they fight to find a way back to each other?
A baby to heal their countries and their hearts?
When Queen Leyna of Aidara took the throne, she walked away from her first love, King Xavier of Mattan, putting duty first. Now their kingdoms are under threat, and the only way to bring stability is with a royal union.
Leyna knows the man she loved has barriers around his heart, but she can’t deny the glimmer of hope she still sees in his eyes. And knowing only an heir will save their countries, they must fight to find a way back to each other...
Conveniently Wed, Royally Bound
Three royal kingdoms united by marriage—or love?
When the kingdoms of the Three Isles—Aidara, Mattan and Kirtida—are threatened, for their young royal leaders duty becomes paramount. But in putting their countries first, they discover that their strategic marriages in name only run the risk of opening their guarded hearts to love...for real!
Find out more in:
United by Their Royal Baby
Childhood sweethearts Queen Leyna of Aidara and King Xavier of Mattan bear the emotional scars of ruling alone. But they now have nine months to find their way back to each other again...
Available now!
Falling for His Convenient Queen
King Zacchaeus of Kirtida and Princess Nalini of Mattan must unite their families in a marriage of convenience to secure their two kingdoms. But Nalini wants more than the cold marriage Zacchaeus has to offer. And it’s up to her to rescue his heart.
Available February 2018!
United by Their Royal Baby
Therese Beharrie
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
THERESE BEHARRIE has always been thrilled by romance. Her love of reading established this, and now she gets to write happily-ever-afters for a living and about all things romance in her blog at www.theresebeharrie.com (http://www.theresebeharrie.com). She married a man who constantly exceeds her romantic expectations and is an infinite source of inspiration for her romantic heroes. She lives in Cape Town, South Africa, and is still amazed that her dream of being a romance author is a reality.
For Grant, the light who helps me face my fears.
Thank you for always treating me like a queen.
And Luke and Leah,
I hope when you grow up, reading books where
characters look like you is the norm.
For now, this is for you.
I love you.
Contents
Cover (#u353fc265-d280-545a-bb75-a304cba2d1d7)
Back Cover Text (#u53a7336f-328d-523b-99f3-254e5a78bc74)
Introduction (#uca62e751-3ea9-5227-8347-6929fd8efdb7)
Title Page (#u536cbdbb-6ade-5d31-8da4-0fecd6952c23)
About the Author (#ua4960cdd-188a-5f79-9cde-abff8b340b25)
Dedication (#ub226fcc4-0da0-5233-a0a6-5eddb16307e5)
Prologue (#u4dd5a9db-1e76-54ea-b7b3-a0a794a54276)
Chapter One (#ue5200ac8-121d-52b9-bc65-752db4ff3bdd)
Chapter Two (#u5e93a002-7b66-52d0-821f-cc15cc054f40)
Chapter Three (#u74d07f8e-e94b-555b-be94-21b99c012060)
Chapter Four (#u27743575-37a4-5684-b12e-74af46f0843b)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seventeen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eighteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Prologue (#uabdab87b-abe2-54c3-bb29-df5cb921edb7)
PRINCESS LEYNA OF AIDARA thought she’d never been more content than right at that moment. She had the sun shining on her, the ocean in front of her and the sandy beach around her.
And, of course, she had the future King of Mattan lying next to her.
‘We should do this more often,’ she said, and dug her back a little deeper into the sand.
‘We do this at least once a week, Leyna.’
She could hear the amusement in Xavier’s tone and her lips curved.
‘We visit the beach at least once a week. Doing this—’ she lifted a hand into the air and gestured to the towels that lay side by side ‘—is a rarity that we should definitely make more time for.’
‘You’re only saying that because you want to escape your royal duties,’ Xavier teased.
‘And you don’t?’ she shot back, turning her head to offer him a grin.
And ignoring the inner voice that sounded dangerously like her grandmother telling her that Xavier was an excuse to do just that.
‘I’m the future King of Mattan, Princess,’ he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. ‘I’m aware of my duties. Even though there are things expected of me that I can’t possibly begin to imagine.’
Hearing the fatigue, the annoyance just beneath his words, she turned her body to face him, resting her head on her hand. ‘Are your mother and grandmother at it again?’
He mirrored her position. Before she could stop herself, her eyes took in his muscular body, the dark brown hair that was a mess from their swim earlier and the kindness that was clear in every feature of his face. Her heart began to race. And then she told herself to stop it, and notice how that kindness was now eclipsed by sadness—tinged with the slightest bit of anger—that she knew came from his hopelessness about his family.
‘When are they not at it?’ He shook his head. ‘Every time I think I do something right, they counter with something I should have done instead.’ He paused. ‘Maybe I’m just not doing anything right.’
‘Oh, that’s rubbish and you know it.’ She sat up now, curling her legs under her. ‘I’ve never seen someone put more effort into their crown than you have.’
‘Besides you, you mean,’ he said with a smile.
‘Of course.’ She smiled back, though the voice in her head had returned, this time telling her she would put in even more if she didn’t have Xavier in her life. ‘But what I meant was that that dedication already means you’re doing something right, Xavier. Trust it.’
She reached over to squeeze the back of his hand, but he turned his over so quickly she didn’t know it until his fingers threaded through hers. Her heart jumped, and she opened her mouth to cut off what she knew was coming.
‘No,’ he said before she could. ‘You’re not going to put me off this time, Leyna.’
‘What...what do you mean?’
‘I’d like you to marry me.’
Her chest tightened. ‘I don’t think that—’
‘Both our families want this, Leyna,’ he interrupted.
‘They want Aidara and Mattan bonded, yes. This—you and I?’ She shook her head. ‘They aren’t quite as invested in that.’ When he didn’t answer her, she frowned. ‘You know this. You know what they think about our friendship.’
‘But I know what we think about our friendship, too. Don’t you think that’s more important?’
She didn’t know what to say. But she did know that she was glad they were on Aidara’s private beach, where there would be no prying eyes witnessing their conversation.
‘Leyna.’ He sat up now. ‘There is no choice for me. I have to marry you or my heart won’t ever forgive me.’ The seriousness in his eyes upped her heart rate even more. ‘I know you feel the same way, too.’
‘Why are you doing this?’
‘Because it’s time,’ he said simply. He stood, and held out a hand to help her do the same. She took it, but when she was on her feet she snatched her hand back.
‘It’s time to ruin something that means more to me than anything else?’
‘No. It’s time to finally make this—us—into what we were always supposed to be, Leyna. A family.’
‘I have family. I have parents who are King and Queen of a kingdom that needs them.’
So they don’t have time for me to need them.
‘And a grandmother whose heart is still broken from losing her husband almost ten years ago.’
And who’s so focused on the crown she can’t support the person who’ll one day wear it.
‘I have family, Xavier,’ she repeated. ‘What I don’t have are friends. I need us to be friends.’
‘You don’t think we’d be friends if we were married?’ His sombre tone told her things would probably change between them now, regardless of what she chose.
The panic inside her told her to make the right choice.
‘We’re best as friends. Just friends.’
‘Is that you speaking, or your family?’
‘It’s me.’ But a part of her wondered. ‘I haven’t listened to what they’ve said about us before. I don’t care about that.’
‘Then why are you so scared of what’s between us, Leyna?’ He closed the space between them with one step.
‘Because...’ She cleared her throat when her words came out more breathily than she wanted. ‘Our lives aren’t easy. The thing that’s helped me through it is our friendship. We’ve been friends for almost twenty years.’ Her voice broke. ‘Don’t take that away from me.’
He lifted her chin. ‘I’m not taking anything away from you. I want to add to that friendship.’ The left side of his mouth curved into a half-smile. ‘Yes, we’ve been friends for twenty years. But you know I’ve been in love with you for most of that time.’ She opened her mouth to dispute his words, but he shook his head. ‘You know it’s true.’
‘No,’ she said firmly.
‘Really?’ he drawled. ‘Why have you been trying to stop me from saying it to you for all these years then?’ His eyebrows lifted when she didn’t reply, and then he nodded. ‘Because you do know it. We both have from the moment I gave you that rose when we were five.’
When her heart melted at even the memory of it, she finally acknowledged the truth of his words. But he was right. She was scared. Scared of the change, and of what that change would mean for her life. One day she would be Queen of Aidara and she knew what that would demand from her.
And it wasn’t because her grandmother had warned her of the demands of the role. Or the way she constantly referred to Xavier as a distraction, and their friendship as ‘childish’. After years of defending what they had, Leyna had learnt to brush it off, knowing that Kathleen had a limited idea of what real relationships were.
No, Leyna’s fears had nothing to do with Xavier, and everything to do with what she knew those demands would cost her. Because she’d seen exactly how they had affected her father.
King Clive had gone from exuberant Prince to reserved King. She had memories of her father being happy, chasing her around the royal gardens as her mother watched on, laughing. But in the ten years since he’d become King, that man had slowly faded away. Wrinkles of stress had replaced those of laughter. Every smile he gave her seemed like the hardest thing in the world.
The only remnant of the man her father used to be was the love he clearly still had for her mother. It made her ask, ‘Will you still love me when I become Queen, when you become King, and we both have the hardest jobs in the world?’
‘Of course I will.’ His hand moved from her chin to brush away a stray curl. ‘Who better to love and support you than someone who knows exactly what you’re going through?’
‘It’s going to be harder than anything we’ve had to do so far, Xavier,’ she said, to remind herself just as much as to remind him. ‘You’ve seen what it’s done to my father,’ she whispered.
‘We’ll get through it,’ Xavier said softly.
‘What if we got through it better as just friends?’
‘We’ve never been just friends, Leyna.’
‘So why bring it all up now?’
‘Because it’s your birthday in two days. You’ll be twenty-one and you’ll be expected to marry. Just as I’ve been expected to marry for the last year.’
She pulled a lip between her teeth at the reminder of their one-year age difference.
‘You know I’ve been waiting for you. It’s the only reason I’ve managed to put my family off. I love you, Leyna. I want to be married to you. And I know that we’ll be stronger together than we’ll ever be apart. Apart here meaning just being friends.’
She smiled at that and felt the punishing pulse of fear ease. ‘It’s not as charming as you think, you know. Having all the answers.’
She saw the relief in his features, and he grinned. ‘And yet you’re still in love with me.’
‘Full of yourself, too.’
‘But you love me,’ he insisted.
She studied him and felt a smile claim her lips. ‘Since you seem so sure, I suppose I don’t have to say it.’
‘If you don’t say it, I’ll be forced to carry you back into that water.’
‘And I’ll be forced to decline your proposal.’
His eyes widened in mock fear. ‘You wouldn’t.’
‘You have no idea what I’m capable of.’
‘Show me.’
The teasing tone of his voice disappeared in a flash, and the light that had been in his eyes heated.
‘Are you propositioning—’
She was silenced by his lips on hers.
It wasn’t their first kiss—that had happened when they were thirteen and fourteen, beneath the very palm tree they stood under now. But it might as well have been their first. When they were barely teenagers, the kiss had been out of curiosity. It had been exploratory. As had the other kisses they’d shared since.
None of them compared to this.
It had the heat of a summer’s day in Aidara. And the promise of passion that had been restrained for years. Leyna’s arms were around Xavier’s waist before she fully knew it, their bodies so close together she could feel every part of him. Her body responded and, for the first time in her life, Leyna felt like a woman. Not a daughter or a granddaughter. Certainly not like the heir to a throne.
No, she felt like a woman.
One who could make a man moan just as Xavier did now. One who had the power to make a man lift her from the ground and press her against the trunk of a tree so he could press even closer to her. She was lost in the sensation of his lips against hers, of his tongue in her mouth.
She was suddenly grateful they were at the beach, wearing the attire required by their location. It meant she didn’t have to battle with clothing to feel the muscular planes of Xavier’s body. It meant she could enjoy the way his hands touched—claimed—the curves of hers.
When his hand lifted a thigh so he could angle himself against her, Leyna heard a sound come from her throat. She felt Xavier still, and then he pulled his head away, just far enough so he could look into her eyes.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing,’ she breathed, and put a hand on the back of his neck, urging him closer.
‘Leyna,’ Xavier said. ‘I’ve known you all my life. Tell me.’
‘I just...’ She felt her face burn. ‘I’ve just never...’
‘You know I haven’t either.’
‘I know,’ she echoed, knowing that if Xavier had had another woman, she would have known about it. ‘But...are we doing this now? Against a tree on a beach, with our bodyguards a short distance away?’
‘I...I didn’t think about that.’
Xavier took a deep breath, and then took a step back. Leyna immediately missed the contact.
‘I didn’t mean that we can’t do it at all. I just... Well, I just pictured it on our wedding night. In a bed surrounded by candles and rose petals. With champagne cooling.’
She sounded like a fool. More so when silence followed her words. But then Xavier smiled.
‘You pictured it?’
Her cheeks went hot, but she laughed. ‘Maybe.’
‘On our wedding night?’
Her heart softened at the emotion she heard in his voice. ‘Yes.’
‘So you always knew there was more, too?’
‘Of course I did. Did you think I was resisting something I knew wasn’t true?’ She frowned. ‘You were so sure...?’
‘I was betting with the most important thing in my life, Leyna. I had to be.’
She stared at him, and then shook her head. ‘If I didn’t already love you, Xavier, I think I might have fallen for you right now.’
‘But you do. Love me.’
‘I do.’ And, realising that he needed to hear the words, she said, ‘I love you, Xavier.’
He pulled her into his arms and rested his forehead on hers. ‘And you’re going to marry me.’
‘I am,’ she answered, though it wasn’t a question. ‘As soon as I possibly can.’
‘I think this might be—’
It happened so quickly that Leyna barely registered what had cut Xavier off. All she knew was that her royal aide, Carlos, was now standing in front of her and Xavier. Their bodyguards hovered just beyond him; their expressions were twisted with an emotion she couldn’t read, but it had her heart pounding with fear.
‘What is it?’ she asked, stepping out of Xavier’s embrace.
‘I’m sorry to interrupt—’ there was the briefest moment of hesitation before Carlos said ‘—Your Majesty.’
Chapter One (#uabdab87b-abe2-54c3-bb29-df5cb921edb7)
Ten years later
‘IS HE HERE, CARLOS?’
‘I’m afraid not, Your Majesty.’
For the second time in Leyna’s life, Carlos had brought her news of the last thing she wanted to hear. Now, of course, he was bringing it to her as her private secretary and not as a royal aide.
But then, her father’s death had changed more than just Carlos’ title. She’d become Queen immediately, and had lost the only man she’d loved. And now the news that King Zacchaeus of Kirtida had not arrived for the State Banquet intended to affirm the Alliance of the Three Isles threatened to be just as life-changing.
She closed her eyes for the briefest moment and then nodded. Released a breath.
‘Please find His Majesty, King Xavier, and ask him to join me in the library.’
‘Of course, Your Majesty.’
When Carlos left, Leyna took another deep breath. And a moment to deal with the feelings tumbling through her stomach. She opened the doors to the balcony of her library and greedily inhaled the fresh air.
It felt like the only thing keeping her alive.
The panic came now. Not dull as it had been when she’d first heard that King Jaydon of Kirtida had been overthrown by his son, Zacchaeus. And nowhere near how it had felt when he’d consistently refused her and Xavier’s attempts to discuss the future of the alliance binding their islands together, though she’d believed it sharp then.
No, the feeling cutting through her lungs now, tightening her throat and making her hands shake, was much worse.
But she only had a few moments before Carlos returned with Xavier. She forced herself to focus on her breathing, something she’d learnt to do when she’d taken over the crown after her father’s death.
When her heart, broken from her breakup with Xavier and from her mother fleeing, had beat so hard she thought it would explode from her chest.
She straightened her spine when she heard the knock on the door, turning in time to see Xavier stride past Carlos into the library. As it always did when she saw Xavier—despite the fact that their relationship now was only a political courtesy—her chest tightened.
She told her memories to stay where they belonged, but couldn’t help the relief that washed through her at his presence.
‘He’s not here,’ Xavier said immediately, and she tried not to wince at the tone.
‘He’s not. Which means—’
‘That he is renouncing Kirtida’s place in the Alliance of the Three Isles.’
‘I’d like to think that isn’t true. That Kirtida is still a part of our alliance.’ She saw a glint in his blue—almost grey—eyes, and tilted her head. ‘But his actions since he overthrew Jaydon speak volumes.’
‘Refusing our calls to set up meetings and refusing to see us when we resorted to just arriving at Kirtida in hopes of a meeting?’ Xavier asked gravely. ‘Tonight was the last hope we had that he’s willing to work with us, Leyna. So yes, I think his actions tell us exactly where we stand with him.’
‘If we assume he’ll withdraw—’ panic rippled through her chest again ‘—what do we do?’
‘We respond accordingly.’
‘How?’
‘We ensure that Zacchaeus knows the alliance between Aidara and Mattan is still intact. We ensure that our people know it, too.’
‘I’m sure there isn’t any doubt about that,’ Leyna said. ‘You are here at the dinner intended to do that very thing after all.’
‘It isn’t enough.’
She saw the determination in his eyes—in each of the once kind, now intimidating angles of his handsome face—and the relief she’d felt steadily ebbed. Her body tensed, and she saw that tension reflected in his tall, muscular frame, too.
‘What do you have in mind?’ she asked carefully.
‘Something that will leave Zacchaeus and our people without any doubt about the strength of our alliance. Something that will reassure our people that Kirtida’s absence from the Alliance of the Three Isles doesn’t mean they are unprotected.’
Silence pulsed in the room, and then Leyna said, ‘Tell me what you’d like us to do, Xavier.’
‘We should get married.’
Leyna’s thoughts immediately went back to that day on the beach when Xavier had proposed to her.
Her knees nearly buckled and she turned away from him and walked straight onto the balcony. She gripped the railing and fought for breath. And then she fought to be free of the memories.
They were vicious, she thought, and crept up on her when she least wanted them to. She’d only been fooling herself with her hope that they’d stay in the past. But she’d been desperate. Perhaps because she knew every moment she spent with Xavier would threaten to draw her back into what could have been.
She couldn’t afford for that to happen. She couldn’t afford to think about the hope, the love, that she’d felt on the day he’d proposed to her. If she did, she would inevitably think of the cold feeling that had come over her when Carlos had first called her ‘Your Majesty’.
She would think about the days she’d spent in a daze of heartbreak, worsened by her mother leaving Aidara the moment they’d buried her father. She would remember the fear she’d felt about ruling alone. How all the warnings her grandmother had given her about Xavier had haunted her dreams.
And the utter devastation when she’d realised that she couldn’t be the Queen Aidara needed with Xavier by her side.
She took a minute to compose herself. When she was sure the emotion and memories were as far away as she could push them, she walked back into the library. Xavier’s face was stony, but just above his lip was a twitch Leyna recognised as anger.
‘How would that work exactly? Us, married?’
‘If we got married,’ Xavier spoke in a careful tone, ‘it would be clear—not only to Kirtida, but to the world—that Aidara and Mattan are united. And with our collective military, our resources, our people, we would be powerful enough to defend against anything Kirtida attempts.’
‘Marriages end, Xavier,’ she said in the same tone, and saw the heat of anger flare in his eyes.
Good.
‘Royal marriages don’t just end.’
‘No,’ she agreed. ‘But you and I both know we can’t anticipate what might happen in the future.’
Maybe bitterness spurred on her words, but she didn’t give it much thought. Whatever motivated them didn’t change that what she’d said was the truth. She’d seen it with her parents. Her father’s death had made her mother forget her responsibilities to the crown. To Aidara. To her daughter.
Granted, Helene had married into the royal family of Aidara, and hadn’t been Aidaraen herself. When Leyna was feeling sympathetic towards her mother, she thought it must have been hard for Helene to stay in the place where her heart had been broken.
But those times were rare, and quickly followed by the reminder that Helene had left her daughter to fend for herself in the hardest job in the world. Without any support.
‘What does that mean?’
‘It means exactly what I said. Marriages don’t last for ever. You know that better than anyone.’
‘Leave Erika out of this,’ Xavier nearly growled, and Leyna’s bitterness meshed with jealousy.
‘You’re the one bringing her into this,’ she said lightly. Carefully. ‘I wasn’t talking about your marriage—I meant the institution, not your spouse.’
She gave him time to process—though, if she were honest with herself, it was more for her to find her own control again.
‘What are you suggesting, Leyna?’
‘Only that marriage is not enough to secure an alliance. Especially a precarious one.’
‘So what do you want then? A child?’ he asked sarcastically.
She’d had a nippy reply on the tip of her tongue that disappeared the moment her mind processed his words. There was something in that, she thought. But, for the life of her, she couldn’t wade through the flood of emotions his suggestion had released to identify what that something was.
But, because she had to, she struggled through it. Through the hope that came from a dream she’d given up on a long time ago. Of being a family with Xavier. Of having children with him.
Through the sadness that had come with the realisation that that would never happen. Through the resentment that she would still have to carry a child—with some man who would be her husband though she would never love him—for the sake of the crown.
And again, through the resentment that she’d given up her dreams for the crown.
And then again, through the hope that maybe duty would make that dream come true after all.
‘It’s not a real option,’ Xavier interrupted her thoughts. Her gaze moved to his and held, sparks she would never admit aloud still flying between them.
‘Unless it is.’
‘How would that possibly improve the situation with Zacchaeus?’
‘For the reasons you outlined. Except now we don’t only have the marriage backing our alliance, but a child as well. Which would mean that even if something happens to one of us, Aidara and Mattan would still be protected by the other.’
‘Mattan would take care of Aidara if anything happened to you,’ Xavier answered stiffly.
‘Even if that’s true, whoever I marry would need to give me a child. An heir to the Aidaraen throne. You know that,’ she told him, and saw the confirmation of it in his eyes. ‘The same goes for you. There’ll need to be a child for the Mattanian throne, too. And you can’t deny the political power in having one child as an heir to both kingdoms’ thrones.’
Xavier ran a hand through his dark hair, giving her a glimpse of the lighter streaks that she knew showed when it wasn’t styled so precisely. It made the colour of his skin, which spoke of the mixed African and European heritage they both had, look like a tan. As though he had lazily picked one up on holiday instead of from the work he did amongst his citizens.
But anyone who knew Xavier couldn’t deny he was a king. Leyna had always thought he looked exactly as a king should—authoritative, uncompromising, powerful. Only she had been privy to the other side of him when they’d been growing up. The easy, laidback man who’d relaxed on the beach with her and would casually hold her hand as they walked through the gardens.
It felt like a punishment that she no longer saw that Xavier. No, now she, too, experienced only that authoritative, uncompromising and powerful side of King Xavier.
Just as everyone else did.
But could she blame him?
‘Let me see if I understand this,’ Xavier said. ‘You think that if we marry it won’t be enough to strengthen the alliance between Aidara and Mattan on the off-chance something might happen to one of us. So you want to have a child to make sure that if something happens, our kingdoms will still be protected because there is a single heir to both our thrones?’
‘Yes,’ she answered. ‘And don’t be so dismissive of the possibility of something happening to one of us. We’ve both seen people we love die younger than they should have. It is a possibility.’ She gave him a chance to process before continuing. ‘A child gives us assurances in both cases. If something happens and if it doesn’t, because there’s no way Kirtida can misinterpret marriage and an heir. There’s also no better way to strengthen the alliance.’
‘That might be true, except for one little thing.’
‘What?’
‘I can’t give you a child.’
Chapter Two (#uabdab87b-abe2-54c3-bb29-df5cb921edb7)
XAVIER WATCHED THE shock in her eyes disappear behind the curtain that hid all her emotions. The emotions he’d once been able to read as easily as he did his favourite books.
‘What does that mean?’ Leyna asked softly. He wanted to tell her—would have, had it been ten years before—but he couldn’t bring himself to say that he was infertile. The fact that he’d alluded to it at all told him how much she shook him.
And how much he wanted to shake her.
How much he wanted to crack that perfectly logical, reasonable veneer she wore like a shield.
‘It means there are cracks in that perfect plan of yours. And it’s all a little...desperate.’
‘You were the one who brought it up,’ she shot back, reminding him of yet another of his slips. ‘And yes, a child is desperate, but aren’t we in a desperate situation?’
‘So, you’re saying desperate times call for desperate measures?’
‘If you’d like to use that cliché to help you understand it, then yes.’
‘And how would we conceive this child?’ He knew he wasn’t asking it because of his fertility problems but, again, because he found himself wanting to pierce through that cold facade. ‘Should I stay after the banquet for us to get...reacquainted?’
He hated how bitter he sounded—worse still, how the bitterness had made him more vulgar than he’d intended. He watched her honey-coloured skin go pale, and felt the satisfaction of it just as acutely as he felt the shame.
Her lack of colour made the golden-brown of her hair—the green of her eyes—all the more striking. And if he added the gold dress she wore, which clung to her curves in a way that made him forget she was a queen...
She wasn’t the delicate Princess from their youth any more, he thought. Though her face still had its slight angles and there were still freckles lightly spread over her nose, the woman who had laughed with him in the waters that separated their islands—the woman who’d once agreed to marry him—was gone.
The woman who stood in front of him now had a realism in her eyes that sent an ache through his body. The light that had always been there had been dimmed by whatever she’d gone through in the ten years since they’d been close. There was power, more authority, too. She’d changed, he knew.
But then, so had he.
‘It won’t work,’ she told him, colour flooding her skin again. ‘I know you’re trying to shake me, but it won’t work.’
‘Won’t it?’ he asked, taking a step towards her. Her eyes widened, and awareness sizzled through his body. He’d loved those eyes once. They’d told him everything he needed to know. And though there were many less disturbing memories to choose from, his mind offered him the day Leyna had agreed to marry him.
Her eyes had shone with a love he hadn’t thought capable of hurting him the way it—the way she—had. And then there had been the desire in her eyes a few moments later. When he’d had her against a tree. She’d wanted him as much as he’d wanted her, but there had been fear, uncertainty, too.
He saw those emotions in her eyes again now. And it made him wonder whether they were caused by the same reason. That she’d never been with a man before. The thought stirred a mess of emotions in his chest that he didn’t want to think about. Though there was one thing he couldn’t ignore, and that was the fact that he still wanted her, regardless of what the answer to that question was.
It shocked him into stepping back.
‘No, it won’t,’ she said, and he heard the breathiness she tried to mask. ‘Because we both have kingdoms to think about. Unless you’ve forgotten that’s the real reason for all of this?’
She was right, he thought. He needed to think about his kingdom. And that meant he couldn’t deny her suggestion had merit. If he pushed all his feelings about it aside, he could recognise the strength and subsequent protection a marriage and child would offer Mattan.
He was also sure his family would approve. Sure, they’d treated his relationship with Leyna as an indulgence in the past. Mostly because they couldn’t deny how beneficial a union between him and Leyna—between Mattan and Aidara—would have been. But the moment they’d realised that wouldn’t be happening, they’d told him to snap out of it. To think of his kingdom.
Since that was what drove him now, too, he knew they would approve. And since the man he and Leyna had grown up with no longer seemed to exist in Zacchaeus, Xavier was forced to face that this might be their only option.
Which meant he needed to tell her the truth of his fertility problems.
The thought had him heading straight to the alcohol decanter next to her desk. He flipped over two glasses, and poured a splash of the brown liquid into each. He offered her one and, when she took it, downed his own. He would have liked another, but that wouldn’t have been wise considering what he was in Aidara to do. Or what he was about to say.
‘I can’t have children.’
He set the glass back in its tray. It gave him a reason to avoid the emotion on her face.
‘You...’ Her voice faded. ‘I’m so sorry, Xavier.’
‘I’ve accepted it.’
‘How...how do you know?’
‘I was married, Leyna,’ he reminded her, and saw hurt pass over her face so quickly he didn’t know what to think about it. So he continued. ‘Erika and I tried to have children before she died. We could never conceive.’
‘That must have been terrible for you...and Erika. I’m sorry.’
Emotion churned inside him. Erika had been devastated by their battle to have children. And when they’d found out that there was no medical reason why they couldn’t, she’d turned angry.
By then, she’d learnt that the allure of marrying a king had only been in her imagination. That the reality of it was far more demanding—and sometimes more demeaning—than she’d wanted.
Would she still have felt the same if she’d become a mother?
He never gave himself the permission to consider it. All he knew was that the only thing that had kept Erika committed to being Queen had been the prospect of a child. And when that hadn’t happened she had become more and more withdrawn. And he’d felt more and more guilty. Because though there’d been no proof that it was him, it had to be.
‘Why not? Why can’t you have children?’ Leyna’s soft voice interrupted his thoughts.
‘We tried and we didn’t conceive.’
‘Yes, you said that.’ She frowned. ‘That doesn’t mean you were the reason you couldn’t conceive.’
‘It wasn’t Erika’s fault,’ he said sharply.
‘I wasn’t saying that it was. But there is such a thing as unexplained infertility.’
It was what the doctor had told them, too. But, as someone who’d needed answers, Xavier hadn’t been happy with that. Neither had Erika. So he’d accepted the blame for it.
‘So there’s no medical reason that you can’t conceive?’
He clenched his jaw. ‘No.’
‘Then we still have a chance.’
‘I must have missed this unfeeling side of you when we were friends.’
He saw her flinch, but her voice was steady. ‘The reality of our lives—of our duty—doesn’t always allow us to feel, Xavier.’
‘Is that how we’ll conceive this child then? Without feeling?’
‘Why not?’
‘You have to have some kind of feeling to conceive a child, Leyna.’
‘Perhaps, if you want to do it naturally.’ She raised an eyebrow—taunting him, he knew, with the insinuation. ‘But, since this is going to be a contract, I think we should consider other options. To keep things...official.’
Relief and disappointment mingled in his chest. ‘You mean artificial insemination?’
‘Or IVF.’
‘It would take time we might not have.’
‘Which is why we should do it as soon as possible.’
With each word, his heart grew heavier. It weighed down his response so that, although he knew she was right, he couldn’t bring himself to agree. Agreeing would mean that the distance he’d sought from her for ten years would be destroyed. It would bring back all the feelings he’d avoided thinking about since Erika had died. Feelings of failure, of heartbreak.
And if he agreed to marry Leyna he knew he would feel as though he was being disloyal to Erika. Worse still, if it worked and Leyna fell pregnant, he would feel as though he’d betrayed Erika. He’d be living the life she’d once accused him of always wanting.
He wasn’t sure he could live with that guilt.
‘Do you agree, Xavier?’
‘Does it matter? You seem to have everything neatly planned anyway.’
‘Neatly?’ she repeated, disbelief in her voice. ‘This is probably the least neat thing I’ve ever planned, Xavier. Do you think I want to be married to you, to carry your child?’
‘Well, if it’s such a burden then—’
‘Stop it,’ she snapped, anger turning her cheeks red. ‘Our lives are filled with burdens. They’re called responsibilities. They’re a part of our duty.’ He saw her chest heave, revealing the passion with which she spoke her words. ‘Duty comes first, Xavier. It always has and it always will. This plan I’ve so neatly outlined is going to require sacrifices from the both of us, and it won’t be pleasant. In fact, I’m pretty sure it might destroy me.’
Her eyes widened and she turned away from him. It had been her first real show of emotion—proper, spontaneous emotion that told him the veneer of aloofness had been cracked. It had surprised her and, though he’d wanted to crack that shield, it had surprised him, too.
He didn’t know what to make of her words. What would destroy her? Working with him? Being married to him? Carrying his child? Was she just as affected as he was by the prospect that this decision would make them share their lives in the way they’d always imagined? Or was it because the circumstances of this life together were nothing like they’d imagined, ensuring that this decision would make their lives infinitely more complicated?
‘Perhaps there’s a simpler solution,’ he said suddenly, his thoughts turning him desperate.
‘There is no simple solution for us. For this,’ she said, turning back to him. Her eyes were bright, troubled, and he wanted to reach out and comfort her. But he didn’t. Of course he didn’t. He didn’t know her any more. Comforting her wasn’t his job.
‘Duty is never simple,’ he said mockingly. But she responded seriously.
‘No, it isn’t. It will never be simple for us, nor will it ever be simple between us.’
It was the first time she’d made any kind of mention of their past, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. So he didn’t respond, instead letting the silence stretch. He felt it build, felt the tension pulse from both of them.
It made him want to ask her why she’d done it. Why she’d broken his heart. Why she’d broken them. It made him want to tell her how long he’d been broken. How he’d still had to pick up the pieces in the first years of his marriage to Erika. How that had started the cracks that had eventually broken him and Erika, too.
‘We can try to set up a meeting with Zacchaeus one more time,’ she said, breaking the silence.
‘You know that won’t work.’
‘Then we move on to Plan B.’
‘Marriage and a child?’
‘Marriage and a child,’ she confirmed.
‘We don’t have the luxury of time here,’ Xavier said quietly. ‘If Zacchaeus decides to attack either of us, our kingdoms will be helpless to stop him.’
‘One more attempt at diplomacy, and then we move on to Plan B, Xavier,’ Leyna said again. ‘Now, we should get back before they realise we’re gone.’
She set the glass down, its contents untouched, and walked out of the room before he could reply.
Chapter Three (#uabdab87b-abe2-54c3-bb29-df5cb921edb7)
LEYNA HAD HAD to leave the room—to escape Xavier’s company before she said something she regretted.
She already regretted too much of that conversation. That burst of emotion had reminded her of the woman she’d once been. The woman who’d died long ago. She needed to remind herself that the Leyna who’d let emotion guide her was gone. She had to be led by logic and reason. By the needs of her kingdom.
Because she was terrified of what would happen to her—inside of her—if she didn’t.
Her steps faltered. Her heart stuttered. Hurt pushed at the wall she’d hidden it behind. She closed her eyes, gave herself a moment. And then she straightened her shoulders and pushed ahead, forcing it all out of her mind as she walked into the hall.
Her royal duties required her attention.
Each year one of the islands in the Alliance of the Three Isles hosted the State Banquet to affirm their ties with other countries. There were thirty dignitaries there that evening and, considering the Isles’ geographical location, many of them were from Africa. The others were European, who, in honour of the three British men who’d found the islands with their African wives at the end of the eighteenth century, kept their ties with the Isles.
Leyna mingled, moving from the King of Spain to the King of Swaziland, and then to the delegation from South Africa. Before she knew it, dinner had been announced. She walked to the head of the table, her stomach turning when she saw Xavier. It wasn’t a surprise—it was custom that the monarchs of the Isles sit there—so she forced her feelings at seeing his blank expression aside and thought again of her duty.
She touched Xavier’s arm before he could take his seat.
‘We can’t have an empty seat at the head of the table. It would make Zacchaeus’ absence more conspicuous, and I won’t be able to field questions as easily if it’s staring our guests in the face. Someone has to sit in Kirtida’s place.’
He frowned down at her, but nodded. ‘Aidaraen?’
She shook her head. ‘My grandmother is the only one from Aidara who would be appropriate, and she—’ She no longer seems to think she needs to support her kingdom when she doesn’t approve of its queen. ‘She isn’t here. Can you ask someone from your family?’
‘My grandmother,’ he said immediately, but she could sense his reluctance. So things hadn’t got better in the ten years they’d grown apart, she thought. ‘She’d be the best option, considering my mother couldn’t be here tonight.’ His mother was ill, Leyna remembered. ‘Please excuse me.’
Formality—distance—lined his words. But it was for the best, she told herself, and hated the ache in her chest that said otherwise.
A few minutes later, Xavier returned with a graceful older woman at his side. Envy slithered its way through her before she shook it off. It was natural to envy the grace and poise the former Queen Consort of Mattan carried effortlessly with her. But envy was not a trait Leyna wanted to have as a queen, nor as a woman.
‘Your Majesty,’ Leyna said and curtsied.
‘Let’s not waste time with the formalities, Leyna.’ Xavier’s grandmother brushed kisses on both Leyna’s cheeks, and Leyna found her lips curving.
‘It’s lovely to see you, ma’am.’
The older woman sighed. ‘I recall you using that term years ago. But perhaps now we’ve reached the point where we can both use each other’s first names. Paulina will do. And don’t you dare refuse.’
Paulina lifted a hand to wave off Leyna’s response, and Leyna nodded.
‘As you wish... Paulina.’
Though she got an approving smile from Paulina, the name felt wrong on Leyna’s lips. To deal with it, Leyna made a point of avoiding addressing Paulina by name. She received a few looks that told her Paulina knew what she was doing, but Leyna just smiled in return and moved onto the next topic. Conversations were easy for her. Except when they were with former best friends—fiancés—Leyna considered, her eyes flitting over Xavier.
‘I’d hoped to see the new King of Kirtida here with us tonight,’ Paulina said when things were loud enough at the table that no one would overhear.
Though she could hardly manage to forget it, Leyna winced at the reminder. ‘I had, too.’
‘We should have anticipated this mess,’ Paulina continued. ‘There was always something in that boy’s eyes.’
Leyna didn’t respond, and Paulina turned her attention to the conversation beside her. Leyna was grateful. Her thoughts had clamoured at Paulina’s words, and she told herself, very deliberately, that it didn’t make her any less of a queen that she hadn’t anticipated their current situation.
It didn’t mean she’d failed her people.
She lived with the constant fear that she wasn’t doing enough. It didn’t matter how hard she worked, that fear remained. And she’d worked hard. She’d had to rebuild the morale of a kingdom that had lost its King and Queen in a matter of weeks. She’d had to earn their trust and make them believe that, though she was only twenty-one, she could be their Queen.
It had required all her time and all her attention. It had reminded her of her grandmother’s warnings. Was it any wonder she hadn’t had time for Xavier any more? She’d broken things off the minute she’d realised—really realised—how much work she had ahead of her.
It had hurt her to do so—more still when the demands of his crown hadn’t kept him from having a life. From having a relationship.
With someone who wasn’t her.
She closed her eyes against the anger, the jealousy, the resentment and pain, and fought off the loneliness that threatened to creep in. As it did almost every day.
‘Stop frowning,’ Xavier said under his breath. ‘People will think there’s something wrong with the food.’
‘Not the food, just the alliance they’re all here to celebrate.’
‘Don’t,’ he warned. ‘We’ll talk about it later.’
‘Yes, sir.’
She looked over in surprise when she heard his fork scrape against the plate. He was holding his utensils so tightly that his knuckles were white. It had her heart racing, especially since she wasn’t sure what had upset him.
‘Relax,’ she said lightly. ‘We have to keep the illusion of peace between the two of us.’
‘Are we at war then?’
‘No,’ she answered truthfully. ‘But our lives might end up being the collateral to stave one off.’
He didn’t respond to that, and somehow they made it through the rest of the dinner without saying another word to each other. Leyna led her guests to the more casual State Hall where the speeches would take place and gifts would be exchanged. She stood at the front next to the royal family of Mattan—Paulina, Xavier, his sister, Alika, with her husband, and his other sister, Nalini—accepting gifts with a smile even though she knew she was being watched.
No, she thought when her spine went rigid. She wasn’t being watched so much as judged. She knew her guests were wondering where the other member of Aidara’s royal family was. They’d always wanted that show of unity, especially after her mother had left Aidara. It seemed to reassure her people and their allies that Aidara was still as strong as it had been when Leyna’s grandfather, her grandmother Kathleen’s husband, had ruled.
But the last time Leyna had refused a suitor Kathleen had brought before her, her grandmother had declared that Leyna was a lost cause and had left Aidara for a diplomatic trip to South Africa.
It spoke volumes to Leyna that that was the least of her problems now. Because she also knew her guests were speculating more about the absence of the royal family of Kirtida than they were about Kathleen.
Murmurs had spread through the room as they’d gone through the formalities of the gift exchanges. No doubt discussing what the implications of Kirtida’s absence would be. She’d soothed many of the concerns when she’d done her rounds earlier, but that wouldn’t stop the rumours.
And there was nothing she could do about that.
She felt the room snap to attention before she saw why, and then felt her own body straighten in anticipation of the speech Xavier would be giving on behalf of the Isles. He’d stepped in front of the small podium that had been designed for the occasion. It was his presence, she thought. It commanded attention. She admired it.
He carried it with him so effortlessly—the authority, the confidence—that no one would have suspected he’d once begged Leyna not to leave him.
‘You’d never know how broken he is, would you?’
Leyna frowned, wondering how someone had read her thoughts. She shook it off and glanced over to see Xavier’s sister Nalini now standing beside her.
‘What do you mean?’
‘What do you see when you look at my brother?’
Leyna’s eyes shifted to Xavier. His muscular body wore the uniform representing his kingdom with ease, his handsome features set in an expression that was both commanding and open. Her heart fluttered, and she blushed when she saw Nalini watching her.
‘I see a king.’
Nalini took a few seconds to respond. ‘I think that’s who he sees, too. I think that’s the only thing he sees. He lost the man somewhere. I think maybe it was when he lost the woman he loved.’
‘I can only imagine what he must have gone through when Erika died. Losing someone you love is difficult.’
‘That was hard, of course,’ Nalini agreed. ‘But I was actually talking about you.’
Shock seized her tongue, and there was a long pause before Leyna replied.
‘No. I mean, he didn’t... I don’t think that’s true.’
‘Oh, it’s true,’ Nalini assured her, uncharacteristically serious. ‘Things became worse after Erika. But it started with you.’
Leyna had no response to that.
‘Xavier’s marriage wasn’t...easy, Leyna. And then they struggled to have a baby, and... Well, it was a heavy burden on Xavier. Worse because Erika didn’t know how to carry her part of that burden—of being Queen and of not conceiving naturally.’
Leyna felt as if she were being sucked into quicksand. She drew on her breathing techniques, knowing that she had to control the panic building in her chest.
‘He loved her and he was devastated when she passed on. But it’s been three years now and...’ Nalini’s voice faded and Leyna could see the Princess’s concern for her brother.
‘Why are you telling me this?’
‘Not to upset you,’ Nalini said quickly. ‘I’m sorry if I have.’ Leyna nodded, but didn’t speak. ‘I think... I’d hoped that you’d help him. I know that’s probably out of line, but you’re the only person...’ She trailed off and then took a breath. ‘I’m telling you this because I thought you’d be able to remind him of the person he used to be. The man who’d lived and didn’t just rule.’
Leyna barely noticed that Xavier had finished his speech, but her heart raced when she caught him walking towards them.
‘Please,’ Nalini whispered, and Leyna didn’t get the chance to respond when Xavier joined them.
‘That wasn’t incredibly boring,’ Nalini said brightly. Perhaps too brightly, Leyna thought.
‘Thank you, I think?’ But he frowned, looking at Nalini and then Leyna. It took Leyna a second to realise that she should say something to him, too, and she cleared her throat.
‘It was wonderful, thank you. I hope my speech next year is just as elegant when Mattan hosts the banquet.’
‘Are you okay?’
‘Yes,’ she answered quickly, and avoided Nalini’s eyes. ‘Please excuse me. I think Carlos is looking for me.’
He wasn’t doing anything to indicate that he was, but Leyna strode towards him with enough purpose that anyone watching would think he had called for her. When he saw her coming, his eyes widened and he stood at attention.
‘Your Majesty.’
‘You can relax, Carlos. I just need an excuse to get some air.’
She gave him a shaky smile and saw some of the tension seep from his stance.
‘Would you buy me some time? Tell anyone who’s looking for me I’m speaking with someone else privately. You can do that until I return. I won’t be long.’
Though she read confusion in his eyes, Carlos nodded and Leyna made her way through the secret tunnels that led to Aidara’s private beach. She kicked off her shoes at the edge of the sand and lifted the hem of her dress. It was practical—she wanted to be able to walk more easily—but she also didn’t want to ruin the beautiful dress. Then she stopped just before the water reached her feet and took a long steadying breath.
This beach held so many memories for her. Despite the fact that those memories were tainted with sadness now, it was still the place she came to for calm. For balance. She needed both now as the information Nalini had told her swirled in her head.
Xavier had had a difficult marriage. The knowledge grieved her. Even though she’d felt betrayed when he’d moved on so quickly from her, Leyna hadn’t wanted him to be unhappy. She’d wanted him to find contentment. To live a full life without her.
No, she corrected herself. What she’d wanted was for him to live a happy, full life with her. It was a contradiction that Nalini’s words had alerted Leyna to. She had never wanted Xavier to be unhappy but, if she was honest with herself, she didn’t want him to be happy without her.
She was a selfish, selfish person.
And now she was planning a marriage with him. And a child.
Hadn’t she jumped on that? She hadn’t wasted time thinking about what being married to him, what carrying his child would cost her. Not until she’d admitted to him that it might just destroy her.
She hadn’t wanted to admit it, but she couldn’t deny the truth of it now. She’d worked even harder rebuilding herself than she had on rebuilding her kingdom ten years ago. Turning away from Xavier had been absolutely soul-destroying. The only way she’d been able to survive the decision since was to focus on her duty. To focus on what she’d turned away from Xavier for.
She’d refused her grandmother’s suitors, had refused to date since. Hell, she’d refused to make time for any emotion that wasn’t necessary to run her kingdom. And now, with the possibility of a future with Xavier looming... It was enough for all the emotions she’d been ignoring to come flooding back in.
Leyna could see herself carrying a baby that was part her, part Xavier. She could already feel it move inside her, and see herself holding it for the first time. It would have Xavier’s almost grey eyes and her brown curly hair. It would have his laugh...
‘You can’t keep abandoning your guests like this, Leyna.’
She whirled around at Xavier’s voice, wondering for the briefest of moments if she’d imagined it. But he was there, walking towards her, his bare feet a stark contrast to the full-dress uniform he wore.
‘I just needed a break to think.’
‘About?’
She let out a strangled laugh. ‘What do you think?’
‘I think you need to put duty first. Doing that means marriage. And, apparently, a child,’ he added, and her heart thudded.
‘Easier said than done,’ she told him, and turned back just in time to see the water splash millimetres from her feet.
‘The conundrum of duty.’
‘You say that like it’s affected your life somehow.’
‘That’s a joke, right?’
‘I don’t mean in the usual sense.’ Her eyes followed the waves as they pulled back before crashing at the shore again. ‘I mean, how has it changed your life? How has it dictated your life?’
‘You really want to know?’ he asked, his voice low, tinged with something that had her turning towards him. A poor decision, she thought immediately, when she saw the look on his face—when she saw the seriousness, the fire, in his eyes.
Her belly stirred with a desire long-forgotten, her heart reminding her that they were in their place. That the reason he’d been able to find her when no one else would have was because he knew this was where she’d come to think. Where he’d found her countless times before.
Suddenly, the sound of the waves provided an alluring backing track. The night-time sky with its moonlight and stars offered more romance than she wanted.
She took a step back. ‘Tell me.’
‘Why don’t you go first?’
‘What is this? I show you mine, you show me yours?’
‘No.’ He took a step towards her now, and her heart pounded even harder as her body tightened. ‘But something tells me that your experiences are the reason for mine.’
Chapter Four (#uabdab87b-abe2-54c3-bb29-df5cb921edb7)
‘THERE YOU GO AGAIN,’ Leyna said hoarsely. ‘Thinking you have all the answers.’
‘Not all of them,’ he replied, his hand lifting before he could stop it to brush at a curl that had escaped from her bun. ‘Just this one.’
He knew he was playing with fire. The beach, that dress, the magnetism she exuded without even trying... It was bound to get him burned, and he still had the scars from the last time he’d played with the fire.
Yet he couldn’t move away.
‘I’ve made too many decisions for duty,’ she said softly. ‘I can’t possibly begin to name them all.’
‘How about the night you told me you couldn’t be with me? When you said that you’d mistaken the love you felt for me as a friend for more?’ Forgotten anger stirred and his hand moved to the small of her back, pressing her closer to him. ‘I begged you to tell me what was happening, to help you get through whatever it was.’
‘I told you the truth then.’ Her voice shook. ‘There was never more. There couldn’t be more.’
‘You’re saying there isn’t more, Leyna?’ He dipped his head so their mouths were a breath apart. ‘What royal duty had you deciding you couldn’t be with me?’
‘Stop it,’ she said, and tried to put distance between them. But he kept his hand on her back, refusing to allow her to pull away from him again. ‘Xavier, let me go.’
Her voice had gone cold. The shield was back up, he realised. His hand loosened its grip on her and he slipped it into his pocket and took a step back. His fingers curled into a fist when he realised his hand was now shaking, and he took another step away from her.
She was making him lose his mind. His bearings. And if he didn’t have them, what would stop him from continuing where they’d left off ten years ago?
It was the talk of marriage and children—as though it were as easy as it had been then—that had made him forget about the life he’d lived in those ten years since. He could almost hear Erika’s voice mocking him, asking him whether she was really so easy to forget. Taunting him that things were turning out exactly as he’d wanted them to all along.
It had been a constant argument between them. No matter how much Xavier had told her he was committed to them, that Leyna had no part in their relationship, the argument had remained. And no matter how hard he had fought to keep Leyna separate from his life with Erika, she was always there. In the simplest things, and the most complicated emotions.
Erika had deserved more. She hadn’t deserved to be compared to another woman. Didn’t he know what it was like to be compared to someone who’d come before? To be held to an unfair standard? It didn’t matter who that person was, the feeling was terrible. And his wife had deserved more than that. She’d deserved more than a sudden death when she was barely thirty, too.
He hadn’t been able to give her all that she’d deserved when she was alive, but he could try to make up for that now. And what she deserved now—what her memory deserved—was that he keep things between him and Leyna strictly professional.
His kingdom deserved it, too. He could still hear the words his father had said to him after Leyna had broken up with him. Xavier had been so heartbroken he hadn’t been able to keep up with his responsibilities. His father had taken him aside, and had given him the tough love he’d needed.
Always put the kingdom first.
He might not have a choice about what they had to do to protect their kingdoms, but he could choose to remember that. To honour his kingdom and his wife. To set boundaries where Leyna was concerned. Yes, he could do that.
‘We’ll have to make the people believe it,’ he said. If she was confused—or relieved—by the shift in topic, she didn’t show it.
‘I don’t think it matters whether they believe it. They’ll appreciate our attempts to protect them.’
‘They probably will. But they’d know why, and it might have them panicking. If we do this, it will speak to their desire to believe that everything is fine.’
‘I suppose that’s true,’ she said, and shifted the hem of her dress from her left hand to her right. It drew his attention to her long, shapely legs, and he looked away before they tempted his already tenuous control. ‘We should head back.’
He walked with her but said, ‘We should talk about this more.’
‘I agree. Tomorrow? We can meet here again, if that suits you, and talk through the details. Xavier?’ she said when they reached the pathway leading back to the castle. ‘Are we really doing this? Getting married and having a child?’
‘We have to.’
She nodded. ‘I suppose there’s a wedding and a baby in our future then.’
‘For the sake of our kingdoms.’
He said it as a reminder to both of them of what was at stake. They had to put their feelings aside and focus on protecting their kingdoms.
She straightened her shoulders, an expression fierce with determination on her face, and repeated, ‘For the sake of our kingdoms.’
* * *
Xavier made his way to the roof of the Aidaraen castle, more than a little annoyed that Leyna was there when she should have been in her library, preparing for their meeting together. They’d agreed the previous evening to hash out the details of their arrangement there. And, since it was something neither of them really wanted to do, the least Leyna could have done was to make sure she kept to their plan.
As he climbed the stairs, though, he realised that he should be glad she wasn’t at the beach. He’d struggled with the memories when they’d been there together the night before. In the clear light of day—after the sleepless hours he’d spent thinking about it—he knew that seeing her in the place that had always been theirs had been partly responsible for the spell that had taken over him.
The other parts he didn’t care to think about. But, since he’d made a pact with himself the night before, it didn’t matter anyway.
The more he thought about it, the more he realised the roof of the castle was the perfect venue for the type of conversation they needed to have. Private, secure. But his thoughts stalled when he walked through the door.
The usually empty space now held a round table in the middle of it. The table was set for an intimate date, with red and pink flowers in the centre and an ice-bucket with champagne cooling just beside it. Each corner of the rooftop held a potted tree and colourful plants, green and bright, as though they’d been there since the beginning of time.
His eyes then moved to the woman who stood beside the table, and his gut tightened.
Leyna wore a simple white dress that was cut in a V at her neck and flowed gracefully down to her ankles. It was perfectly respectable. Or it would have been, he thought, if it had been on anyone else.
On her, the demure dress looked as if it was designed to be torn off. Thrown aside by hands—his hands—in order to roam over the slim curves of her body as his lips took hers, his tongue tasting whether she was still as innocent as she’d been when he’d first kissed her at fourteen, or as alluring—as seductive—as she’d been the day she’d said yes to his proposal.
He clenched his fists and though he knew he ought to make his way to her, he moved back. It was a futile attempt to distance himself from the memories. From the attraction. From the consuming need his body ached with when he saw her, tempting him to suggest they try for a child the natural way.
Why was it so difficult to ignore? He had the best reasons not to want her. She’d broken his heart, damn it, and trampled on its pieces when she’d walked out of his life. He’d even promised himself that he would try harder. For his kingdom. For Erika.
He had the best reasons, he thought again, and still they didn’t seem to be enough. Not when he had a compelling reason for them not to be.
He took in the classically beautiful features of her face, framed by tendrils of golden-brown curls. The rest of her hair was tied at the top of her head, almost making a crown, he thought. The casual style seemed no less royal than the elegant, swept back one she’d worn the night before.
She was still as captivating, as breathtaking as she’d been when he’d first fallen in love with her. And damn her for it.
‘What’s all this?’ Xavier said, refusing to wince when he heard the sharpness in his voice.
‘Well, you said we need to make our kingdoms believe this,’ she said mildly. ‘There’ll be a helicopter flying over the castle in about thirty minutes. They’ll take pictures, which will accompany an article suggesting we’ve been seeing each other in secret for the past month.’
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Therese Beharrie
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: When Queen Leyna took the throne, she walked away from her first love, the king of another country, putting duty first.Now their kingdoms are under threat – and knowing only an heir will save them, can they fight to find a way back to each other?