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Falling For His Best Friend: Falling for His Best Friend / Reunited with Her Parisian Surgeon
Emily Forbes

Annie O'Neil






About the Authors (#uf3372faa-8d77-5a7b-8e83-76e0496ad695)

EMILY FORBES is an award-winning author of Medical Romance for Mills & Boon. She has written over 25 books and has twice been a finalist in the Australian Romantic Book of the Year Award, which she won in 2013 for her novel Sydney Harbour Hospital: Bella’s Wishlist. You can get in touch with Emily at emilyforbes@internode.on.net (mailto:emilyforbes@internode.on.net), or visit her website at emily-forbesauthor.com (http://www.emily-forbesauthor.com).

ANNIE O’NEIL spent most of her childhood with her leg draped over the family rocking chair and a book in her hand. Novels, baking, and writing too much teenage angst poetry ate up most of her youth. Now Annie splits her time between corralling her husband into helping her with their cows, baking, reading, barrel racing (not really!) and spending some very happy hours at her computer, writing.


Also By Emily Forbes

His Little Christmas Miracle

A Love Against All Odds

Falling for the Single Dad

Waking Up to Dr Gorgeous

One Night That Changed Her Life

Tempted & Tamed miniseries

A Doctor by Day…

Tamed by the Renegade

A Mother to Make a Family

Also By Annie O’Neil

One Night, Twin Consequences

The Nightshift Before Christmas

Santiago’s Convenient Fiancée

Her Hot Highland Doc

Healing the Sheikh’s Heart

Her Knight Under the Mistletoe

Italian Royals miniseries

Tempted by the Bridesmaid

Claiming His Pregnant Princess

Discover more at millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)


Falling for His Best Friend

Emily Forbes

Reunited with Her Parisian Surgeon

Annie O’Neil






www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)


ISBN: 978-1-474-09568-6

FALLING FOR HIS BEST FRIEND & REUNITED WITH HER PARISIAN SURGEON

Falling for His Best Friend © 2018 Emily Forbes Reunited with Her Parisian Surgeon © 2018 Annie O’Neil

Published in Great Britain 2018

by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF

All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental.

By payment of the required fees, you are granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right and licence to download and install this e-book on your personal computer, tablet computer, smart phone or other electronic reading device only (each a “Licensed Device”) and to access, display and read the text of this e-book on-screen on your Licensed Device. Except to the extent any of these acts shall be permitted pursuant to any mandatory provision of applicable law but no further, no part of this e-book or its text or images may be reproduced, transmitted, distributed, translated, converted or adapted for use on another file format, communicated to the public, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of publisher.

® and ™ are trademarks owned and used by the trademark owner and/or its licensee. Trademarks marked with ® are registered with the United Kingdom Patent Office and/or the Office for Harmonisation in the Internal Market and in other countries.

www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)


Table of Contents

Cover (#u6f02534e-e953-57bd-8378-17e1cd486313)

About the Authors (#u78ce8e87-3403-5851-b0b0-7317c2ea1cc6)

Booklist (#u1c703164-35ef-5352-83b4-78265d1e1007)

Title Page (#u76d8cf04-9f87-5532-9206-533ebd25c408)

Copyright (#u24a565ed-11a6-5e6b-bb3a-823a3eca74e8)

Falling for His Best Friend (#ua15c16ac-b388-5fe1-9758-32451ce95346)

Back Cover Text (#u80444fee-fdcc-5198-91c7-329577339068)

Dedication (#u4e6de78f-538b-53b7-bb2b-6149aa3def51)

CHAPTER ONE (#uf522e15c-d7bd-5454-9e1e-647e80a6a326)

CHAPTER TWO (#uc2e228c5-e08c-53b1-870e-4336b78aaf26)

CHAPTER THREE (#u2a2fd95f-24e0-5626-a5d3-89033bb58948)

CHAPTER FOUR (#u8409c919-6ae8-56fb-8bdd-8f8c2c5a0c95)

CHAPTER FIVE (#u8ea43ddc-6dcb-5cca-8562-f7e4633ad557)

CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)

Reunited with Her Parisian Surgeon (#litres_trial_promo)

Back Cover Text (#litres_trial_promo)

Dedication (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER ONE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)

EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)

About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)


Falling for His Best Friend (#uf3372faa-8d77-5a7b-8e83-76e0496ad695)

Emily Forbes


They’ve been friends forever...

But now he wants so much more!

When nurse Kitty Nelson becomes a surrogate for her sister, her best friend paramedic Joe Harkness is right there for her. But as Kitty’s pregnancy blossoms, Joe begins to see her in a very different light! Finally admitting a connection he’s never felt with anyone else, is it too late to convince Kitty they’re meant to be?


For Sheila.

Thank you for being a true champion of Medical Romance. We couldn’t do it without you!

We have had a long association now, and I have enjoyed it all. I look forward to many more years, and books, together.

With love and appreciation,

Emily


CHAPTER ONE (#uf3372faa-8d77-5a7b-8e83-76e0496ad695)

‘YOU’RE DOING WHAT?’ Mike’s eyes looked as though they were about to pop out of his skull. ‘If you think I’m going to sit here and listen while you tell me you’re having another man’s baby—’

‘I haven’t committed to anything yet,’ Kitty interrupted, quickly trying to ease the tension. She hated it when he lost his temper. ‘I’m just thinking about it.’

‘Well, you’d better stop thinking about it.’

‘And it’s not another man’s baby,’ she added. She knew she should just keep quiet. Her argument would only serve to fan the flames of his aggravation but if they were going to discuss this she wanted a chance to state her case before this escalated into an argument.

‘Is it my baby?’

‘Well, no. It would be Cam’s.’

‘So that is another man. If you’re going to have babies they’d better damn well be with me.’

With Mike’s current attitude Kitty thought it very unlikely that she’d choose to have babies with him but she kept that thought to herself. ‘Well, technically it won’t be my baby either,’ she explained, stating the facts. ‘I’d just be the surrogate. It will be Jess and Cameron’s baby.’

‘Why on earth would you want to go through a pregnancy for someone else?’

‘You know why,’ Kitty stated flatly.

‘So, Cameron and Jess get a baby and you get fat.’

‘I’d be pregnant, not fat.’

‘Still, Cameron doesn’t have to put up with the hormones, the weight gain, the mood swings and the cravings but I do?’

‘Cameron and Jess have been through plenty already, I don’t think you can begrudge them this.’ In Kitty’s opinion, her sister and her brother-in-law had been through more than their fair share of physical and emotional stresses and she couldn’t see any reason why they should be expected to go through any additional stress if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.

‘Maybe you can’t, but at the end of it they’ll get a baby and what do I get? A girlfriend with stretch marks and leaking boobs.’

Kitty was pretty sure there was something she could take to stop the leaky boobs and who cared about a few stretch marks if she could give her sister the child she so desperately wanted. The addition that their family desperately needed.

But perhaps Mike had a point. They were supposed to be in a relationship, they were supposed to discuss big decisions like this, and that was exactly what she was trying to do, but if he wasn’t going to be reasonable, if he was going to behave like a spoilt brat—well, what did she expect? If she was honest, their relationship was usually about Mike and what he wanted. Their relationship was run on his terms.

Maybe it was time that changed.

* * *

Kitty pushed open the door of the Manly Pier Hotel and walked into the pub. After their discussion—Kitty refused to think of it as an argument—Mike had gone out for his regular monthly dinner with his friends from his med school days, and Kitty was relieved that he’d had a prior engagement. She didn’t want to continue their discussion all night, but she hadn’t wanted to sit at home on her own either. She needed to see a friendly face and she knew she’d find one in the pub that was a favourite among the staff from the North Sydney Hospital and other Manly Beach locals.

The DJ was warming up the crowd. Thursday nights were popular and the place was already busy. She scanned the room.

The crowd was dressed casually but expensively. Kitty hadn’t given her outfit a thought. She’d just needed to get out. She looked down at her clothes—jeans, an old T-shirt and canvas trainers. Luckily the dress code for women was never strict but at five feet four inches she felt like an untidy slip of a woman in a room full of glamourous shiny Amazons. She’d pulled her dark hair back into a messy ponytail, not even bothering to brush it, and she doubted any of the make-up she’d sparingly applied that morning was still clinging to her face but it was too late to worry about her looks now. Thankfully her friends and colleagues were unlikely to be done up to the nines. Anything smarter than hospital scrubs was deemed to be making an effort.

There were plenty of familiar faces in the pub and Kitty said hello to several people as she made her way through the room without pausing to chat for too long. There was one face in particular she was looking for and she didn’t want to waste time on other conversations. She wasn’t in a particularly sociable mood.

She skimmed over the DJ and looked past him out onto the deck that stretched into the harbour. The Manly ferry was docking at the quay, its lighted windows bright against the twilight sky, and silhouetted against the darkening sky was the person she was looking for.

Joe Harkness.

His broad-shouldered, six-foot frame stood a head above the bevy of women who surrounded him—no surprises there. His short, brown hair was expertly groomed to give him the I just stepped out of the shower look and he was laughing at someone’s comment. His blue eyes flashed as he laughed and the dimple in his chin only added to his appeal as the women eyed him adoringly. He had a beer in one hand and his other arm slung around the shoulders of one of the women. Again, no surprise. Her life may be a bit of a mess but she could always rely on Joe to be consistent. Happy, charming and gorgeous, he had a constant stream of women moving in and out of his life, there was never a shortage, and Kitty was grateful that he always seemed to have time for her. She didn’t want to be one of a string of girlfriends, she wanted to be just what she was—his closest friend.

They’d been friends for almost ten years since meeting on their first day at nursing college. Kitty had been straight out of high school, Joe a couple of years older, having taken a gap year or two before starting university. They’d finished nursing together but had ultimately ended up going in different directions career-wise. She worked in the emergency department at the North Sydney Hospital and Joe had continued his studies and was now an intensive care paramedic. He was based at the ambulance station attached to the hospital, but even if they hadn’t ended up in such close proximity Kitty knew they would still have remained friends. In her opinion, everyone needed a Joe in their life. Someone dependable and loyal. He understood her and he never judged her.

Kitty checked out the unfamiliar woman who was under Joe’s arm and wondered who she was. A new girlfriend or just a friend? She hoped it was a new girlfriend. She didn’t want Joe to have other female friends. Girlfriends never stayed in his life for long and she was happy to tolerate them. She didn’t need to worry about them taking her position as his favourite. She knew he was in no hurry to settle down. He’d told her as much often enough, and she selfishly hoped he meant it. His parents had hardly instilled faith in him about the joys of matrimony or the sanctity of marriage and that pleased Kitty. She didn’t want to share him, and she worried that a serious relationship might mean he wouldn’t have room for her in his life any more. She needed him and she couldn’t imagine not having him in her life.

Joe spotted her as she made her way towards him and he smiled and removed his arm from the woman’s shoulders as he stepped forward to greet Kitty. Seeing him so casually separate himself from the woman gave her a tiny ping of satisfaction. New girlfriend or not, she was still more important.

‘Hey, what are you doing here?’ His smile brought out the dimple in his chin even further and his blue eyes sparkled. ‘I thought you said you couldn’t make it,’ he said as he looked over her shoulder. She knew who he was looking for even as he asked, ‘Where’s Mike?’

‘Out.’

‘What’s going on?’

Kitty heard the concern in his voice and that was enough to get the tears to well up in her dark brown eyes but she wasn’t going to explain her circumstances in front of a complete stranger. She shuffled from foot to foot as Joe excused himself from the women around him. He looped his arm over Kitty’s shoulder. ‘Come on. It looks like you could use a drink.’ He shepherded her across the room as he continued to talk, giving her time and space to get her own thoughts together. ‘Does Mike know you’re here?’

‘No.’ She shook her head as she replied and dislodged two fat tears that spilled from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She wiped them away with the back of her hand but she wasn’t fast enough to stop Joe from noticing.

‘What happened? He didn’t hit you, did he?’ Joe was looking at her carefully. She knew she looked like a mess. Her hair was dishevelled, her eyes red-rimmed and her face was pale. She looked like a woman who’d fled without bothering to brush her hair or grab anything but her handbag.

‘No! It’s nothing like that.’ She was appalled that he might think she’d be in an abusive relationship. She knew he’d seen plenty of domestic violence cases in his role as a paramedic. She’d seen more than her fair share presenting to Emergency as well—too many—and they’d convinced her that she would never stay in a physically abusive relationship.

But what about an emotionally abusive one? After the initial honeymoon period in her relationship with Mike she was beginning to wonder if things were changing. And not for the better.

‘We had an argument.’ She had to admit that was what it was.

‘Well, I’m sure it won’t be the last one.’

‘I think it could be,’ she admitted. ‘I think we might be over.’ It was a scary thought. Kitty didn’t like being on her own. In fact, she dreaded it and she knew her fear of being alone often caused her to persevere with relationships for longer than she should, but this disagreement with Mike was likely to be the beginning of the end of their relationship. She knew she couldn’t stay with him unless he changed his mind.

Early on in their relationship she’d loved the fact that he’d wanted to be her everything. She’d been adrift, lonely, she’d wanted someone to lean on, to make decisions for her, someone who wanted to be all she needed, but did he only want to love her on his terms? Did he even love her? He must know how big a decision this was for her, how she needed his support. If he really was going to push her on this issue then maybe it was time she stood her ground. Staying with him just because it was better than being alone wasn’t a good enough reason any more. Not when there could be so much at stake. If she didn’t offer to be a surrogate now, Jess and Cam might never get the baby they wanted.

Kitty wanted to be loved but on her terms.

She needed to move on from this relationship. She was stronger now. She could be on her own.

She could do this.

She wanted to do this.

And if this worked out she wouldn’t be alone. She’d be pregnant. You couldn’t be less alone when you were physically attached to another human. A baby would fill all the empty, lonely spots in her heart, satisfy her need to be loved and to have someone to love in return. A baby could be the answer to so many prayers and the solution to so many problems.

A baby was just what her family needed.

* * *

Joe struggled to keep the smile off his face as he guided Kitty to one end of the bar where the crowd was marginally thinner. Even though he’d never pretended to like the guy, he had tolerated Mike for Kitty’s sake, but he wasn’t going to pretend that he’d be unhappy to see him gone from her life.

He held up two fingers, indicating his order, and waited for the barman to pour two beers. ‘Talk to me,’ he said as he handed a drink to Kitty. He couldn’t imagine what had brought this about but whatever it was he was grateful.

Kitty took a long sip of her beer. Joe could see her hand shaking. He’d seen her agitated, upset and emotionally fragile before, but lately she’d seemed to be getting back on top of things. Her life, while certainly not without its dramas and tragedies in the past, had been on a fairly even keel for the past few months and he’d thought she was doing well.

‘Jess and Cam want to have a baby,’ Kitty said.

‘Is that possible?’ he asked. A couple of years ago Kitty’s sister had been diagnosed with uterine cancer and Joe knew she’d undergone chemotherapy, and he thought the surgeon had performed a total hysterectomy.

‘Not in the traditional sense,’ Kitty confirmed, ‘but Jess froze her eggs before her treatment and now they want to have a baby. They need a surrogate.’

‘What’s that got to do with you and Mike?’ He couldn’t see how or why this would affect Kitty and Mike’s relationship but as Kitty looked up at him he could see the answer in her eyes. ‘You?’

Kitty nodded.

‘You want to be their surrogate?’ The penny dropped. ‘And Mike wasn’t happy about the idea?’

‘He doesn’t want me having another man’s baby.’

Joe could understand that. If Kitty was his girlfriend, he might even feel the same way. But he wasn’t about to side with Mike. He didn’t particularly like the guy, and if Mike was prepared to give Kitty up over this issue then he definitely didn’t deserve her.

‘He doesn’t get that it’s not my baby. You know how important Jess is to me. She’s all I’ve got. I don’t even know if it’s possible to do this but if I can do this for them, I will. He can’t stop me.’

‘Did he try to?’

‘He just told me that if I intend to go ahead with this then he’s not going to stick around. I think he expects me to choose him but you know I can’t.’

‘You’ve left?’

‘Not yet,’ she replied. ‘We both need some time. I still need to talk to Jess, and I’m hoping Mike might change his mind once he’s had a chance to think it over, but if he doesn’t then I will make my choice.’

Joe couldn’t imagine Mike backing down. He was a surgeon and had the ego to go with his profession. Joe didn’t think he was madly in love with Kitty and he imagined Mike would see the surrogacy as an assault to his masculinity. He thought Kitty was going to be disappointed if she expected Mike to change his opinion.

‘What can I do?’ Joe asked. He would do anything for her. Always had. Always would.

‘I need a place to stay,’ she told him. ‘If I stay at Mike’s it will give him an opportunity to try to talk me out of this. I need a bit of space while I work out how to handle this, and I can’t stay with Jess. If she knew what had happened tonight she’d try and talk me out of my decision as well, and I’m doing this for me as much as for her and Cam. Can I stay at your place? On the couch would be fine, I don’t want to cramp your style.’

‘Of course.’ If all she needed from him was a place to stay while she got things sorted then that’s what he would give her. And if it meant Kitty went ahead with the idea and Mike ended the relationship Joe wasn’t going to pretend he didn’t like the sound of that. ‘And just for the record, I think it’s a fantastic gesture,’ he added. He would be as supportive as possible of this exercise.

‘Thank you. I knew you’d understand.’

Her brown eyes were still shiny with tears but at least they weren’t spilling over her cheeks any more, although she still looked as if she needed a hug. He opened his arms and she stepped into his embrace. He wrapped his arms around her, closed his eyes briefly and inhaled the familiar vanilla scent of her shampoo as he comforted her.

He hated seeing her upset and he would go to just about any lengths to protect her. He had friends, lots of them, but none of his friendships enjoyed the same closeness that he and Kitty shared. Both of them found something in their relationship that they didn’t get from anyone else. That sense of being understood without the need for explanation. He wasn’t close to his family and avoided serious romantic relationships, but his relationship with Kitty was proof that he was capable of sustaining a meaningful connection.

It proved to him that he wasn’t a complete emotional failure. That he could love someone and maintain a long-term relationship, even if it was platonic. He didn’t doubt he wasn’t cut out for marriage and commitment. He had no evidence that long-term monogamy was for him. His parents certainly hadn’t subscribed to that ideology, they’d had five marriages between them, and Joe himself knew he grew bored and irritated if any of his romantic relationships stretched past a few months.

Some of his friends were convinced that he just hadn’t met the perfect girl but Joe wasn’t sure she existed. Even perfection had a use-by date in his opinion. From what he’d seen, marriages ended in one of three ways—divorce, death or disinterest—and he didn’t see the point. But in the absence of other relationships his connection with Kitty became even more important, and he would do whatever was necessary to maintain it. He intended to always be there for her in a way that others hadn’t been.

‘But if you’re going to do this,’ he told her, ‘then you need a long-term plan. You need to make some decisions about the next few months, not just about tonight.’

‘I know,’ she sighed, ‘but right now, tonight is all I can manage.’


CHAPTER TWO (#uf3372faa-8d77-5a7b-8e83-76e0496ad695)

‘HOLY CRAP!’

Kitty was signing notes at the nurses’ station in the emergency department when the ED clerk’s exclamation interrupted her concentration. She looked up and saw Lisa’s eyes fixed on the wall-mounted television screen.

In the centre of the screen was a burning bus.

Orange flames leapt into the air from the rear and thick black smoke billowed around the vehicle and over several cars that had stopped haphazardly around it. In the background, Kitty could see a sandstone pylon and the heavy iron framework of the Harbour Bridge.

The time was fixed in the bottom right hand corner of the screen. Eight thirty-four a.m. Morning rush hour. This was happening in the middle of her city, a few kilometres from her hospital, and the images were being broadcast live from one of the news helicopters.

Kitty’s heart was racing. What was going on? Was it a bomb? In the middle of Sydney?

The volume was muted on the television but Kitty could read the words scrolling across the screen under the picture.

Bus goes up in flames.

Harbour Bridge closed.

Morning traffic disrupted.

Use alternative route.

Traffic had come to a standstill but there was no mention of what had caused the bus to catch fire.

Kitty couldn’t tear her eyes from the fiery disaster that was unfolding on the screen in front of her as the helicopter camera zoomed in on the chaos. People were out of their cars, doors left hanging open as they ran. Some ran towards the burning bus, others away. Kitty could see a man with a fire extinguisher aimed futilely at the flames as people stumbled from the bus. He was joined by another half-dozen men, all wearing hi-visibility vests and hard hats, and a couple were carrying additional fire extinguishers, but from what Kitty could see the extra hands were having no impact on the fire.

The live feed widened to show the emergency vehicles, the ambulances and fire engines, their red and blue lights absorbed by the thick cloud of black smoke as they weaved their way through the stationary cars on the bridge.

The images from the helicopter cut out and were replaced by a reporter standing on the bridge, a microphone held up to her mouth and the burning bus behind her. How the hell had she got through the traffic and the chaos? Sitting on the ground around her were several people who looked dazed and shocked. Some were coughing and Kitty wondered if they were passengers from the bus.

Lisa grabbed the remote and pressed a button, increasing the volume until they could hear the reporter’s commentary.

‘...on the Harbour Bridge, where a city-bound commuter bus has gone up in flames near the northern end. Witnesses say twenty to thirty passengers have been evacuated but there may still be people trapped inside the bus...’

Kitty didn’t want to see the reporter. She wanted the camera to go back to the accident—she was looking for Joe. But the reporter continued to talk.

‘There is no word yet on what caused the fire. Commuters say there was a loud explosion, and you can see behind me that the windows of the bus have all been blown out.’

The camera panned to the bus, zooming in on the accident, and Kitty searched the scene.

‘The heat is intense, the sky is thick with black smoke and there is a terrible odour in the air. Paramedics are treating victims for smoke inhalation as firefighters try to get the blaze under control.’

Kitty’s eyes flicked from one paramedic to another, from one blue uniform to the next, but she couldn’t see Joe. She knew he was working this morning and that crews from the station at the North Sydney Hospital would be some of the closest to the scene. Maybe he was on another call-out? As long as he was safe, she thought—just as she saw a familiar shape at the side of the screen. Smoke was obscuring the image, but she recognised the way he moved.

Joe.

He was running straight at the bus. Her eyes followed his path as he came further into view in the centre of the television screen. There was a man standing in the doorway of the bus, his back to Joe. He was bent over, and he looked like he was struggling with something. Kitty realised he was dragging someone from the bus. And then Joe was there, followed by two other paramedics.

The standing man stepped out of the way as the paramedics threw a blanket over the man who lay in the doorway before lifting him from the bus and putting him on a stretcher.

Kitty could see the other man swaying as he stood next to the bus. Just when he looked as if he was about to collapse Joe caught him and laid him on the ground.

The camera panned out again and the reporter was in the foreground of the shot, blocking Kitty’s view. She could see the man lying on the ground but she couldn’t see Joe. He wouldn’t have gone into the bus, would he? Surely not? That would be the firefighters’ job. But was he far enough away? What if there was another explosion?

‘Firefighters are struggling to douse the flames engulfing a city-bound bus on the Harbour Bridge,’ the reporter repeated. ‘All lanes on the bridge are closed until the danger is contained. It appears that the bus has now been evacuated with reports that two men, the driver and a passenger, are being treated for burns, but there are no reports of any fatalities at this stage and still no information as to the cause of the fire.’

There was an increase in activity in the background and finally the camera cut away from the reporter and back to the bus. Kitty could see ambulances, their doors open and lights flashing as the picture showed someone being loaded in through the back doors of one of them.

And there was Joe. Back in view. She couldn’t see his face but she didn’t need to. He was instantly recognisable. It was more than the width of his shoulders and the shape of his head. It was the way he moved. Purposeful, composed. Unflappable, measured. Despite the chaos of his surroundings he projected calmness. He always seemed to know what he was doing. Not like her. So often she felt completely lost unless he was there to anchor her. Joe had been there for her in the toughest of times, but he’d never seemed to need her in the same way.

He was leaning over one of the victims, but he looked awfully close to the burning bus. Too close. Kitty’s heart was still racing. She was trapped in a terrible feeling of helplessness. What if something happened to him?

She tried to push that thought aside as she saw him loading his patient onto the stretcher. She couldn’t bear to think of something happening to Joe. He was a constant, solid, reassuring presence, the calm through so many of her storms, and she couldn’t imagine her life without him in it. She turned away from the television as Joe disappeared from the screen, willing him to hurry before anything else could go wrong.

He would be on his way to her now. She knew he would be coming to her hospital. She needed to see him, to reassure herself he was OK.

Lisa muted the television as Kitty brought her focus back to the task at hand. The ambulances would be arriving soon. They needed to be ready. The paramedics would be turning around and bringing the injured to the North Sydney Hospital. They might not be the closest but they were on the right side of the bridge, on the same side of the harbour. They would be the most easily accessible emergency department, and they had a burns unit. Time was of the essence, especially for burns victims.

Kitty grabbed aprons and left Lisa to deal with the patients waiting for attention. She would have to explain to them that there was a bigger emergency that had to be dealt with before they could be seen.

Davina, the charge nurse, was assembling her troops and assigning them to teams. Kitty saw Mike arrive, tying his apron over his scrubs. She hadn’t seen him since she’d walked out three days ago. Hadn’t worked with him, hadn’t taken his calls. She’d replied to his messages but that had been all she’d been capable of. She hadn’t felt ready for another discussion that would more than likely end in another argument. She needed to have her argument prepared.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she wasn’t assigned to Mike’s team. She had no idea if that had been deliberate on Davina’s part, she didn’t think anyone knew about what was going on, but she was grateful. She needed to focus and she didn’t need the distraction of worrying about what Mike may or may not be thinking.

‘The information I’ve got is that we have two burns victims coming in. Priority One. Mike, you take the first one, his injuries are more extensive and you’ve got the most experience. Anna,’ she said, nodding at the other doctor, ‘your team can take the other. We’ll triage any other patients on arrival,’ Davina finished as the first ambulance pulled in to the emergency bay.

Kitty pulled on a pair of disposable gloves and craned her neck as the ambulance doors opened, trying to see which paramedics were in attendance.

She couldn’t see Joe.

‘Young adult male. Unresponsive. Burns to his legs and arms.’ She heard the information being disseminated as the patient was wheeled past her but she was already turning away, turning back to the road, on the lookout for the next ambulance.

She waited nervously, hoping the next unit would bring Joe. When her parents had been killed in a car accident, and again when Jess had been diagnosed with cancer and throughout her treatment, Kitty had always been able to rely on him and she couldn’t imagine how she would cope if anything happened to him.

She shook her head, clearing her mind as another ambulance pulled in. Anna had her hand on the rear door and she swung it open. Kitty exhaled as Joe emerged from the back. Broad shoulders, long legs, spiky hair. Strong and solid. He reached for the stretcher, pulling it from the ambulance. He bent his head and she could see him talking to his patient. His voice would be calm, reassuring.

Kitty stepped closer as Joe’s partner slammed the driver’s door and came to help manoeuvre the stretcher.

Joe was filthy. His uniform was covered in black soot and Kitty could smell smoke, diesel fuel and burning rubber. The smell seemed to have permeated the clothes of the paramedics and the victim, but at least Joe appeared to be in one piece.

‘Hey! I thought I might find you here,’ he said as she fell into step alongside him.

‘You’re OK?’ she asked. When he nodded she glanced over his shoulder. ‘How many more are there?’

‘Only two seriously injured. The rest are smoke inhalation victims and assorted, non-life-threatening orthopaedic injuries.’

Kitty knew it could have been worse. Joe didn’t say anything in front of their patient but Kitty could hear in his voice and she’d seen the scene for herself. Two burns victims, no fatalities and some people suffering from smoke inhalation and a few fractures was a pretty good outcome. It could have been much worse. But their patient didn’t need to hear that.

‘This is Carlos, the bus driver, fifty-three years old, second-degree burns to his hands and arms. Smoke inhalation but airway not compromised.’

Kitty looked down at Carlos. He had a sheet pulled halfway up his chest covering his arms but she could see an ID badge on his shirt pocket and she could just make out the bus company logo. His shirt, like Joe’s, was blackened with soot, and he had an oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth but Kitty took that to be a precautionary measure given Joe’s summary.

As they pushed the stretcher through the hospital doors and into an exam room, Joe drew back the sheet that had been tented over Carlos’s forearms in an attempt to protect him from exposure to bacteria. His hands were bright pink, the skin blistered and hairless, and the burns extended halfway up his forearms. Someone had inserted an IV cannula into his elbow but no fluids had been connected. His transfer had been less than thirty minutes so there had been no urgency.

Kitty grabbed a slide board and prepared to transfer Carlos from the stretcher. She stood next to Joe and waited while Anna and the other paramedic carefully rolled Carlos. She and Joe slid the board under their patient.

‘On three.’ The transfer went smoothly and Joe and his partner stepped out of the way, removing their stretcher and leaving Kitty and Anna to get to work. With a wink in her direction, Joe was gone.

Kitty didn’t waste time. Anna was cutting Carlos’s shirt away as Kitty replaced his oxygen mask and attached monitors. She and Anna worked together well. She was an experienced ED doctor and Kitty liked working with her. She was methodical and didn’t miss much.

‘Carlos, I’m Dr Lewis. Kitty and I will look after you. Do you have any medical issues we need to be aware of? Any heart problems, diabetes? Anything like that?’

Carlos shook his head.

‘I’m just going to take your oxygen mask off to check your airway,’ Anna explained softly.

Kitty recorded Carlos’s heart rate, blood pressure and respiration rate while Anna did her examination. She replaced the oxygen mask with tubing once Anna was finished, looping it over his ears and sliding the pegs into his nose. She recorded his oxygen levels as Anna kept talking.

‘We need to replace your lost fluid and get these burns cleaned up. I’m going to give you something for the pain, OK?’

They worked quickly through their initial assessment, needing to get a handle on the extent of Carlos’s injuries. Some, like his burned skin, were obvious but damage to his lungs was less easy to spot and more likely to cause problems, although often not for a day or two. They had to prioritise.

Anna attached a bag of saline to the cannula in Carlos’s elbow to replace the fluids he’d lost while Kitty distracted him, asking questions about his family. ‘Is there anyone you want us to call?’

‘The paramedics called my wife. Someone is bringing her to the hospital, but can you tell me how the boy is?’ His voice was raspy and breathless. It sounded painful to talk and Kitty was sure she’d heard correctly. Boy?

She frowned. Was Carlos delirious? Her gaze flicked to the monitors. His temperature was raised but not excessively. ‘What boy?’

‘The one I pulled from the bus. Did he make it?’

Kitty realised he was talking about the other victim. Their first patient. ‘You pulled him out?’ The vision she’d watched on the television flashed back in her mind. The man dragging the other body from the bus. The standing man. The one who’d looked as if he’d been about to collapse only Joe had caught him just in time. That had been Carlos. ‘Is that when you got burnt?’

Carlos nodded and struggled to talk. To explain. ‘When the fire started it was just a bit of smoke. I stopped and told everyone to get off but the boy only got as far as me and said something about his bag. He ran back down the aisle before I could stop him. Then something exploded. The windows of the bus blew out and he got caught in the flames. I couldn’t leave him.’

Kitty glanced at Anna, communicating mutely. Carlos would be hailed a hero, which meant the hospital would be swarming with media. They would all want a piece of him.

In silent consultation they agreed to take their time treating him, giving him a chance to catch his breath, and then they’d see if he wanted to make a statement. There were lots of variables and it wasn’t Kitty’s place to comment on what he should do.

‘He was in a bad way. Do you know how he is?’ Carlos asked, oblivious to the silent exchange going on between Kitty and Anna. He appeared to be more concerned about the boy than himself.

‘He’s here,’ Kitty told him. ‘He was brought in just before you. He’s being looked after.’

‘So he’s alive?’

‘As far as I know,’ she said. She didn’t know what else she could tell Carlos. She didn’t have any more information and she wouldn’t be able to disclose anything she did know. She was sure that if the boy survived he’d want to thank Carlos personally. She hoped so.

Anna and Kitty worked slowly and meticulously. They washed the burnt skin on Carlos’s arms and hands and debrided the blisters, applying antibiotic cream before carefully separating his fingers and wrapping them individually.

‘Will your wife be able to manage at home with you?’ Kitty asked as she finished wrapping the last finger. ‘We will need to keep you here for a few hours, just to keep an eye on you, but then if your readings are all within normal limits you’ll be able to go home. You’ll need to have some follow-up appointments for your lungs, though, and we will also make you an appointment with the burns unit in a few days. It’s here in the hospital. Will someone be able to drive you here?’

‘My wife doesn’t drive.’

‘That’s OK,’ Kitty replied. ‘I’ll speak to your employer. They will have to arrange transport for you seeing as this was a workplace accident. Is that OK with you?’

Carlos nodded.

‘All right, let’s get you comfortable and then I’ll pop out and see if your wife is here yet.’

Kitty ducked into the staff kitchen for a break while Carlos had a few minutes with his wife. As all the other accident victims were being taken care of she decided she’d take the chance to top up her caffeine level. As she’d expected, the waiting room was now crowded with reporters all wanting to get an interview with Carlos, but she’d leave that decision to him. She skirted the waiting room and was just adding sugar to her coffee when Mike walked in.

He looked tired and Kitty was worried that things hadn’t gone smoothly. He had been treating the boy from the bus, the one Carlos had saved. Kitty hoped it hadn’t been in vain. She forgot that she’d barely spoken to him since their argument. At work things were different. She could put her personal issues aside. She’d learnt to compartmentalise her life and, in fact, the hospital often provided an escape. For the most part, no matter how bad things were in her own life, work was a constant reminder that she wasn’t the only one suffering. On a couple of occasions she had felt that her life sucked more than her patients’, but she always found work to be a good distraction. Right now, her disagreement with Mike was minor compared to their day so far. Things weren’t so bad that she couldn’t reach out to him.

‘How did it go?’

‘He’s alive but he has burns to about thirty per cent of his body and to his airway. He’s been transferred to the burns unit.’ He ran his hands through his hair. ‘All because he left his laptop behind.’ He shook his head. It sounded ridiculous but Kitty guessed the boy hadn’t stopped to think about the consequences. Hadn’t thought about the risks. And now it was too late. What’s done was done. She knew better than most that there was no going back. The past couldn’t be changed no matter how much you might wish it.

Mike filled a glass from the water cooler. ‘When are you coming home?’ he asked over his shoulder.

‘That depends,’ she said, knowing she wasn’t telling the truth. She didn’t think she would be going back. ‘Have you changed your mind about my plans?’

‘No.’

Which meant he assumed she’d changed her mind.

‘Well, I haven’t either,’ she said.

His voice was quiet, his tone not malicious, but he sounded very definite as he said, ‘I’m not going to be a cuckold in my own house.’

That was part of the problem. Even though she’d moved in with him after six months and had now been living with him for five, it was still his house. Not theirs. He still held all the cards, still had all the control.

‘It’s hardly the same thing,’ she argued.

‘It is to me,’ he said as he drained his glass. ‘You will be pregnant with another man’s baby.’

‘But surely you can understand my reasons?’

He was shaking his head. ‘I can’t imagine what could possibly make you want to do this. Jess has other options.’

‘But she’s my sister!’ That was another part of the problem. He really didn’t get her need for family. He didn’t get her desperate desire to hold onto what was left of it.

‘IVF isn’t an option,’ Kitty said, even though Mike knew that. Jess had been diagnosed with uterine cancer three years ago and after harvesting and storing her eggs she’d had a total hysterectomy, meaning that the simplest option was not an option. ‘That leaves adoption or surrogacy. They’re not likely to be approved for adoption given Jess’s medical history, and finding someone else to offer to be a surrogate could take months—years even.’

Surrogacy in Australia was heavily legislated. Each state had its own laws and although New South Wales was a bit more lenient than other parts of the country, surrogate mothers couldn’t be paid. They could be reimbursed for their medical costs but couldn’t benefit financially, which meant that would-be parents needed to find someone who would do it out of the kindness of their hearts. It wasn’t like asking someone to mind your pets while you went on a holiday—you were asking someone to lend you their body for forty weeks or more. Asking someone to subject themselves to tests and procedures to fulfil your own dreams. It wasn’t easy.

Kitty closed her eyes and pictured Jess holding a baby. Her baby.

She opened her eyes and looked at Mike.

Those was her choices. Mike or her sister’s baby.

‘You can’t be their only solution,’ he said.

‘Maybe not,’ she replied. ‘But I am their best one.’

Mike’s pager beeped and he pulled it from his waistband to read the message. He glanced up and Kitty knew he was about to leave, but she also knew he’d want the last word. True to form he said, ‘If you want to do this you’ll have to do it without any help from me.’

He didn’t wait for a reply before he turned and left the room.

Kitty stood still for a moment, trying to figure out what had just happened. She thought about what she was doing. What she was giving up. Why was her sister’s happiness more important than her own?

Jess’s happiness would be shared by Kitty. If she could give her sister an opportunity to have a family then, by association, she would benefit too—she’d be giving herself more family. She did want a family of her own one day but she knew Mike wasn’t the man she would do that with. She had to believe her time would come, and meanwhile she’d do what she could. So she would grant Jess’s wish. That would bring her happiness too. Being a surrogate meant giving up Mike but it was a sacrifice Kitty was willing to make.

She was still standing in the centre of the room when Joe walked in.

‘Is everything OK?’ he asked. He’d changed into a clean uniform and washed his face. He looked good in his uniform. The blue suited him, brought out the colour of his eyes, but it was more than that. It was the air of responsibility it gave him. He wore it well. He looked strong, capable and dependable. All the things she knew him to be were accentuated by the uniform. ‘Rough day?’

She shook her head. ‘No worse than usual. I was just thinking...’

Joe grinned. ‘Should I be worried?’

She laughed. She hadn’t realised she’d felt like laughing but Joe could always lift her spirits. ‘Maybe,’ she replied.

‘What’s going on?’

‘You just missed Mike.’

‘And?’ He hesitated before asking, ‘You’re not thinking of moving back in?’

Kitty shook her head. ‘No. But we had another discussion about the surrogacy. I wasn’t prepared for it and I know I didn’t handle it all that well, but he’s still making it all about him.’ Like always, she nearly added but she stopped herself, realising that was unfair. At work Mike was single-minded, putting his patients’ needs first. He was focussed and dedicated—maybe all that effort at work made him think he deserved to be at the top of his own list of priorities away from work too, but sometimes she wished she felt as important to him as he felt to himself. ‘This isn’t about him,’ she continued. ‘It’s not even about me. It’s about Jess and Cam. Why can’t he see that?’

Joe raised an eyebrow. ‘You really want to hear my answer to that question?’

‘No, I guess not.’ Kitty managed a half-smile. ‘But I’m tired of feeling like my opinions don’t matter.’

‘So what next?’

‘I need to talk to Jess and Cam.’

‘You’re doing this?’

‘I am.’ She smiled. She’d made a decision and it felt good. She knew it was the right one. She hated being alone but she was willing to sacrifice her relationship with Mike in order to give her sister a baby. Family was more important to her than anything. She’d lost so many members of her family already. First her baby sister had died when Kitty had been just five years old and then, fourteen years later, both her parents had gone too. To offer Jess and Cam the baby they longed for would help to compensate for everything and everyone they’d already lost. ‘Provided Jess and Cam agree.’

‘I can’t imagine they won’t.’

‘No.’ Her smile widened. ‘It’s perfect. My family needs something good to look forward to, something positive, after everything that has happened.’ She needed it too. ‘I’ll go and see them after work today and then I need to find a new place to live.’

‘You know you’re welcome to stay with me for as long as you need to.’

‘Thanks, but I can’t put you out of your bed.’ Joe had already spent the past couple of nights on his couch, giving up his bed for Kitty, but that wasn’t a long-term solution. ‘You said yourself I needed a more permanent plan. I’ll figure something out.’


CHAPTER THREE (#uf3372faa-8d77-5a7b-8e83-76e0496ad695)

KITTY STACKED THE empty dinner plates and took them into the kitchen. She had invited herself to Jess and Cam’s for dinner and had promised to do the dishes in return, but she wanted to have the discussion she had planned first. Her ultimate agenda was to raise her surrogacy suggestion.

‘A little while ago you mentioned that you were thinking about investigating the option of surrogacy using your frozen embryos,’ she said to them both as she returned to the table. ‘Have you done anything about that?’

‘Not officially,’ Cam replied. ‘We’ve done some research but it’s not a straightforward exercise. We think we’d like to find someone privately who’s willing to act as a surrogate but we’re not sure how to go about that. If we can’t find someone privately we’ll have to advertise and that’s tricky here, but we can’t afford to go overseas to do it. It’s not going to be easy.’

‘But we have to try,’ Jess added.

‘I know it’s not easy,’ Kitty said, looking into her sister’s dark eyes. A mirror of her own face looked back at her. There was no mistaking they were sisters. They had the same dark eyes and dark hair, although Jess’s was shorter and had grown back with a slight wave in it after the chemotherapy. Jess’s face was more oval than Kitty’s, whose own face could only be described as round. It made Kitty look young for her years but she was old enough to know what she was doing. She took a deep breath and held Jess’s gaze. ‘I would like to do it for you.’

‘What?’

‘I want to be your surrogate.’

‘Really?’

‘Really.’

‘You’re serious?’

Kitty nodded and Jess broke into a wide smile. She really was pretty when she smiled, Kitty thought as her sister bounced out of her chair and threw her arms around her. ‘I can’t believe this! Thank you!’

‘Why?’ Cam asked.

Cam’s reaction took Kitty by surprise. To be honest, she’d thought they’d both be ecstatic but while Jess was obviously delighted and grateful, Cameron was far more reserved.

‘That doesn’t matter, Cam,’ Jess remonstrated. ‘All that matters is that Kitty is offering.’ Jess was crying now as she continued to hug Kitty. Tears were running down her cheeks and soaking into Kitty’s shirt. Kitty was pretty sure they were happy tears.

‘I’m not saying I don’t appreciate your offer,’ Cam said as Jess finally let go of her little sister. ‘It’s very generous, but it’s not as simple as you might think. I expect we’ll all have questions, and one of mine is: why?’

In contrast, Jess didn’t appear to have any questions. Kitty knew she was far too emotional and too caught up in the idea that she could become a mum to worry about the intricacies and details, but Cam deserved answers.

‘You and Jess are my only family,’ Kitty explained. ‘You’re all I’ve got. If I can give you the baby that Jess desperately wants I get to expand my family. It’s a win-win situation.’

‘But you can have your own children,’ Cam argued. ‘You’re twenty-seven, this might take up the next two years of your life. Even if this works straight away it’s not like you can be pregnant tomorrow. There are meetings, counselling, legalities to sort through. Trust me, we know what’s involved, we’ve looked at everything. It’s not straightforward and it will take time. What if you want to have your own baby in the meantime?’

‘I’m not at the stage where I want to have a baby.’

‘But that might change at any point in the next year or two. And what about Mike? He’s older than you, what if he wants children sooner?’

Kitty shook her head. ‘I don’t think he wants that.’ It didn’t matter what he wanted, she wasn’t going to have babies with Mike anyway. She knew now more than ever that she didn’t want him to be the father of her children. He was too intense. Too controlling. She wanted someone fun. She needed someone fun. She needed someone to inject that into her life as well as her children’s. She knew she had a tendency to get a bit low and she needed laughter and light in her life. That’s why she loved being around Joe.

She didn’t mention that she’d broken up with Mike. If Jess thought it was because of her decision to offer to be their surrogate Kitty knew she might decline her offer, and she was desperate to do this. Desperate to give Jess the baby she wanted. That bit of news could wait for another day.

‘I want to do this.’ Kitty would put her life on hold indefinitely in order to give Jess the baby she wanted—the baby Kitty thought they all needed. ‘Can’t we at least investigate the idea?’

‘Yes.’ Jess was quick to agree and Kitty knew then that her offer had been accepted. She knew Cam didn’t have the heart to refuse his wife. Kitty knew he would give Jess anything she asked for if it were possible, and this just might be possible. At least they would get to try.

* * *

Kitty picked up the pen and signed on the dotted line next to Cam and Jess’s signatures. The lawyer witnessed their scrawls and stamped the pages. Signing the surrogacy agreement that had been drawn up was almost the final step in the process. Next their application would be reviewed by the IVF ethics committee and, if approved, she would become a surrogate. Not if, she told herself—when. She had to think positively. There was no reason not to think this wouldn’t go ahead.

Over the past two months she had been poked and prodded, examined and tested, but she didn’t mind. The tests hadn’t raised any red flags and she was told she was a good candidate. She knew the clinic would have preferred it if she had borne children already as it left less room for surprises or problems with the pregnancy and delivery, but it wasn’t a requirement in New South Wales, as it was in some other parts of the country, and for that Kitty was grateful. And the tests had given no indication that she wouldn’t have a normal pregnancy. She was a healthy twenty-seven-year-old. She was convinced there wouldn’t be any problems and fortunately that seemed to be the conclusion after all the tests were completed.

As a single woman in Sydney Kitty could access the medical care she needed as a surrogate. Jess and Cam had agreed to pay any out-of-pocket expenses, which could be quite costly, but they had no complaints. All three of them had attended a medical review at Jess and Cam’s fertility clinic and they had all undergone the mandatory counselling sessions, though fortunately they hadn’t been sent for independent psychiatric reviews. The lawyer had briefed them on their rights and obligations and had drawn up the agreement, and now they had one last hurdle. Kitty crossed her fingers that the ethics committee would approve their request.

* * *

‘Kitty Nelson?’

She looked up as the fertility nurse called her name. This was it.

She was going to be a surrogate. The ethics committee had approved their application and now, if everything went according to plan, in nine months’ time she would deliver a healthy baby for Jess and Cam, and her, to love.

Jess’s eggs had been fertilised and the embryos created. All that was left was the implantation.

Kitty stood up and Jess followed suit. Kitty was surprised to find her legs were shaky. There was a lot of expectation riding on today but she hadn’t realised she had felt the pressure. There wasn’t much about it she could control, but now that the moment had come she desperately hoped she would turn out to be the perfect host. The perfect surrogate for a perfect baby.

‘Are you sure you don’t want me to come in with you?’ Jess asked.

Kitty could hear the pleading note in her voice but she’d made up her mind and she was going to stand firm on this point.

She reached over and held Jess’s hand.

‘I don’t watch you and Cam making babies, I’m not going to let you watch me getting impregnated.’

Cam was by the window, looking out at the city streets several floors below, pacing up and down, already looking like an expectant father. Fortunately he hadn’t asked to watch.

‘Cam and I didn’t make this baby the traditional way.’

‘I know, but it would still be weird to have you in the room.’

‘But you’re happy for us to be there when the baby is born?’

Kitty nodded. ‘Of course!’ Although she’d have some ground rules then too—for instance, Cam would have to stay away from the business end, but she would discuss that later. Her first priority was to get pregnant.

‘OK,’ Jess said as she wrapped Kitty in a hug. ‘Good luck.’

Kitty could feel Jess’s bones as she hugged her sister back. She was still way too thin. ‘It’ll be fine.’

‘I can’t believe that in a matter of minutes you could be pregnant. I’m going to be a mum.’

If everything went to plan, Kitty thought, but she kept quiet. She needed to be in a positive frame of mind. She needed to believe this was going to work. A new life, a new member of the family to love, was just what they all needed. After their baby sister had drowned at the age of two, and then losing their parents in a car accident when Kitty was just nineteen, followed by Jess’s shock cancer diagnosis two and a half years ago, they needed something to look forward to.

She kissed Jess’s cheek and stepped back. ‘See you soon.’

* * *

Joe was watching the clock, hoping he didn’t get a last-minute call-out before the end of his night shift. It had been busy, but that wasn’t uncommon. Saturday nights were always frantic, filled with the usual jobs—drunk and disorderly men getting into fights, drug overdoses, car accidents, car versus pedestrian accidents, heart attacks or indigestion that people mistook for heart attacks... The new crew was due at any moment and if the phones remained quiet for five more minutes he’d get out of there on time. He kept his fingers crossed. If he got out on time he might catch Kitty.

He was missing her company. The week that she’d stayed with him was now months ago but he’d got used to having her around and the months since she’d been gone had dragged. But at least she wasn’t back with Mike. She’d moved out of Joe’s apartment and in with Jess and Cam. They’d decided that it would be the best place for Kitty to live while they went through the surrogacy application and hopefully a successful pregnancy. That way Jess figured she’d get to be involved every step of the way. They’d assumed that the surrogacy process would be successful. Joe could understand why—what was the point of going ahead with the plan if you thought it was going to fail? But he was worried that they could all be setting themselves up for heartache.

Kitty had had enough heartache in her life.

But he’d barely seen her since she’d moved out. She’d been caught up in the surrogacy plans and even at work their paths hadn’t crossed often. Although he was based at the ambulance station adjacent to the North Sydney Hospital, even their shifts hadn’t coincided much, and more often than not when he’d brought patients to the ED or called in on a break she hadn’t been rostered on.

His shift finished on time and he was able to get across to the ED before Kitty left the hospital. He sighed in relief.

‘Hi.’ He greeted her as she walked through the exit.

‘Joe!’ Her smile lit up her face and he found himself beaming back at her. It was good to see her. Really good. ‘Have you finished your shift?’ she asked.

‘Yep. Signed out, all done.’

‘Well, your timing is perfect,’ she said as she tucked her hand through his elbow and fell into step beside him. ‘I need to talk to you and I’m starving. Have you got time for breakfast?’

‘Sure.’

They walked the few blocks to their regular café on Manly Beach and grabbed a table with a view over the water. The sun was still low in the sky but after a night cooped up in the hospital Joe knew that Kitty would want to be outside despite the glare.

Joe ordered his usual big breakfast while Kitty chose fresh fruit, yoghurt and muesli. She was restless, her feet jiggled constantly, and she was sitting on the edge of her seat. ‘Are you going to be able to sit still long enough to eat?’ he asked.

‘Not unless I tell you my news first.’

‘Go on, then,’ Joe said as the waitress brought a coffee for him and a green tea for Kitty.

‘I did a pregnancy test yesterday.’

‘Already?’

Kitty nodded. ‘It’s two weeks tomorrow since the procedure.’

He knew that. He’d been keeping tabs on the process. He didn’t need to ask what the result was, he could see in her eyes—excitement was written all over her face. He didn’t need her to tell him the result but she told him anyway.

‘It was positive!’

‘You know it could be a false positive this early.’ He didn’t think he wanted to burst her bubble of happiness but his comment was out before he’d had time to censor it. He’d done some research and he knew the fertility clinics advised their patients not to do home tests but to wait for the official blood test. He assumed it was because there were too many occasions when people got false positive results.

‘I know.’ Kitty nodded. ‘But I couldn’t resist. I feel like it’s worked. My boobs are tender...’ She pressed on her boobs and Joe had to force himself to avert his eyes. He didn’t want to be caught looking. ‘And I had to know.’

‘Who else have you told?’

Kitty frowned, a little crease appearing between her dark brows. ‘No one. The official blood test is still a couple of days away so I won’t say anything to Jess until then, but I had to tell someone. I wanted to tell you.’

Joe knew he should be pleased, he knew how much this meant to her. He appreciated that she’d shared her news with him but he was surprised to find he was experiencing another unexpected emotion. He could taste it.

The sour taste of jealousy.

He had never actually considered what would happen when Kitty eventually settled down and had babies. He knew it was what she wanted but he hadn’t thought about the ramifications, the reality. He hadn’t thought about the fact that she would have other priorities in her life, that there would be someone more important than him.

It hurt to realise she was going to have this experience without him. To realise he wasn’t going to be part of this experience except in the role of a bystander. This baby wouldn’t be hers to keep—but seeing her so excited about it reminded him that eventually that would happen and what would that mean for them?

For him?

He pushed down the sense of jealousy—now was not the time or the place to give in to his own emotions—and raised his coffee in a toast, hoping that somehow he would manage to say the right thing.

‘Congratulations,’ he said as he forced a smile.

* * *

Kitty fidgeted in her seat as she forced herself to eat her lunch as she sat across from Cam and Jess. She was on tenterhooks and had been for the past few days, ever since she’d taken the home pregnancy test. She’d thought that by sharing her news with Joe it would settle her excitement to a point where it would be bearable but she still couldn’t wait for Jess and Cam to hear the results. It was all anyone wanted.

She was positive the procedure had worked but she hadn’t said anything as she really didn’t want to get Jess’s hopes up. Now, after having to wait for the official test, she started having doubts. What if it hadn’t worked? What if the home pregnancy test she’d done had given her a false positive? What if all the symptoms she’d been experiencing were just the result of her over-active imagination or wishful thinking? Surely life wouldn’t be so cruel?

She placed her elbows on the table as the waitress cleared the remains of their lunch away. She leant forward and her breasts squashed against her forearms. Her boobs were definitely still tender, that had to mean something. She knew false positives were unlikely in those home testing kits. False negatives were far more common—and, besides, she’d also gone off coffee. She’d cut down on her caffeine before the embryonic transfer at the same time as she’d started taking folic acid tablets—she’d wanted to do everything she could to ensure that this worked—but now she couldn’t even stand the taste of coffee. Something that had been one of her favourite drinks now tasted bitter, making it easy to stay off it.

Her fingers fidgeted and played with the gauze bandage that was wrapped around her left elbow, a constant reminder of what she was waiting for. She’d had the official blood test and she and Jess and Cam were just killing time until they could return to the IVF clinic to hear the results. Kitty was desperate to get back there.

Finally, with ten minutes before they were due back, Cam paid for their meals and they headed for the door.

‘All right,’ the doctor said as they were ushered into the consulting room and took their seats. ‘We were testing for hCG in the blood. Any increase in hCG levels in a surrogate indicates a positive pregnancy but the levels are significant. The higher the better. Higher levels suggest a viable pregnancy. At this point in time, two weeks post-implantation, we expect to see levels above fifty milli-international units per millilitre.’ Kitty wished she’d just get on with it. The wait was agonising. ‘But we’re hoping for numbers closer to five hundred.’ There was a sheet of paper sitting on the desk. The doctor glanced down at it and when she looked up she was smiling. ‘Your numbers are four hundred and fifty. Congratulations, you are pregnant.’

‘Oh, my God, you did it.’ Jess jumped up from her chair and hugged Kitty. ‘Thank you so much. I can’t believe it.’ Tears were running down her cheeks as she turned to Cam. ‘We’re going to have a baby!’ she said as she threw her arms around him.

Cam was grinning from ear to ear as he hugged and then kissed his wife before hugging Kitty. Jess was bawling and Kitty could feel her own tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She’d been positive that the embryo transfer had been successful but she hadn’t dared to believe it and the relief was almost as great as the excitement.

The doctor let them celebrate the news and when they all managed to get their emotions under control she continued the consult. ‘Before I let you go I’ll just run through the next steps with you.’

The three of them pulled themselves together long enough to listen to the procedure from here on.

‘If everything goes according to plan,’ she said, looking at Kitty, ‘your hCG levels should double every forty-eight hours. Fast increases in levels are what we are hoping for as that appears to indicate a good pregnancy outcome. I would like to do a follow-up blood test in two days to check those levels. Depending on the results we might then schedule more blood tests but I will also book you in for an ultrasound scan in a fortnight.’

‘We’ll be able to see our baby that early?’ Jess asked.

‘Your baby will look like a jelly bean still at that stage but we should be able to see and hear a foetal heartbeat then,’ the doctor explained.

Kitty didn’t remember much after that, and neither did Jess, she suspected. They were both too excited with the news. They left it to Cam to pay attention to the next round of appointments as they let their minds run wild with the thought of creating a new life. A baby.

* * *

‘Kitty, incoming ambulance.’

Kitty was tidying an exam room when Davina stuck her head in and called for her attention. ‘We’ve got a twenty-nine-year-old woman with abdominal pain and the doctors are all busy. Can you meet them in the bay?’

Kitty tucked a clean sheet onto the exam bed and carried the dirty linen out with her, tossing it into a linen bag on her way outside. She exited the doors as the ambulance pulled into the bay and Joe climbed out, pulling the stretcher with him.

‘Hey,’ he greeted Kitty with his megawatt smile. ‘Kitty, this is Talia. Acute abdominal pain. BP one-forty over ninety. Heart rate one hundred and ten. Temp thirty-nine degrees. No significant medical history but she’s had a positive home pregnancy test. Nausea but no vomiting.’

Talia’s eyes were open. She was perspiring and looked a little grey.

‘Husband is on his way, following behind,’ Joe’s partner added.

‘Doctors?’ Joe mouthed the word silently as they wheeled Talia into the hospital.

Kitty shook her head. ‘Busy,’ she replied, knowing that Joe was thinking they’d need a consult.

Kitty spied Anna coming out of an exam room as they negotiated the corridor. ‘Anna! I need a consult if you’re free,’ Kitty said before Anna could disappear. She let Joe repeat his summary as they transferred Talia to a bed before Kitty and Anna were able to start their assessment.

Kitty started a file and handed it to Anna while she hooked Talia up to the various monitors. Anna recorded Talia’s symptoms, the onset and severity, as well as her activities over the previous twenty-four hours and her menstrual history. By Talia’s account, she figured she was eight weeks pregnant.

‘We’ll need a urine sample if that’s possible, Talia, just to test and confirm the pregnancy. Kitty, can you organise that? I’ll duck out and arrange a pelvic ultrasound.’

Kitty nodded and fetched a bed pan but Anna had gone no further than six steps when Talia cried out in pain. She curled into a ball, clutching her stomach and her heart rate escalated rapidly. She was sweating more profusely and her face was now completely white.

‘Anna!’ Kitty called out.

Talia wasn’t the right demographic for gall stones, which left a burst appendix or a ruptured Fallopian tube as the most likely cause of her pain. That or extremely bad gastro.

Anna came back into the room and took one look at their patient. ‘Get me a gynae consult and prep a theatre,’ she instructed.

Kitty stripped off her gloves and threw them into the bin as Talia was wheeled off to Theatre. She tidied up the exam room again, and after checking in with Davina and finding that the waiting area was empty she took the opportunity to grab a drink and something to eat. Her shift had been busy and she was finding that if she didn’t eat something small on a regular basis the morning sickness would rear its head. It wasn’t so much morning sickness as nausea whenever she got hungry and she was quickly learning not to pass up the chance to refuel when she was able to.

Joe was in the kitchen, grabbing a coffee.

‘Can I make you one?’ he asked.

Kitty shook her head. ‘No, thanks, I’ve gone off coffee.’ Her body was already rejecting anything that could be considered remotely toxic—alcohol, coffee, strong cheeses, raw fish—and craving healthy options like fresh fruit and vegetables. She’d always tried to eat healthily but she was finding it difficult not to now that she was pregnant, as so many foods made her queasy.

‘How did things go with Talia?’ Joe asked as he pulled out a chair for Kitty.

‘Not great,’ Kitty replied. She pulled the lid off a tin of tuna and ate a mouthful before continuing. ‘She’s in Theatre now. Anna thinks it might have been a ruptured Fallopian tube. I guess she was lucky she was here and not at home.’

Joe thought Kitty looked worried. A crease had appeared between her dark brows and he wondered what was bothering her. She didn’t know Talia, and the woman was far from the first ED patient who would have been whisked off to Theatre.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked.

‘I’m just thinking about Talia. There she was all excited about this pregnancy... It was her first, did you know that?’

Joe shook his head. There hadn’t been the time or the necessity to go into that detail. It would have been far different if she’d been in labour, but with an unconfirmed pregnancy it was irrelevant to the ambulance crew.

‘One minute she’s all excited about the news,’ Kitty continued, ‘and the next, if Anna’s diagnosis is correct, she won’t be pregnant any more and the best-case scenario is they are able to save her Fallopian tube. Jess and Cam are so excited about my pregnancy, so excited to meet their child, but I can’t stop thinking of all the things that could go wrong.’

So that was the problem. Kitty’s imagination was working overtime as usual. She was always of the opinion that if something could go wrong, it would.

‘I think I might ask Anna if she can do an ultrasound for me,’ she said.

‘Why?’

‘Just to check things out. It’ll make me feel better.’

‘You have no reason to think anything is wrong. You’ve been feeling queasy, you’ve gone off coffee...’ He didn’t mention her sore breasts. ‘You’ve got all the right signs.’ He knew she had a tendency to worry overly about things and imagine all the things that go awry. ‘Have you had another blood test?’

‘Yes. My hCG levels are still rising.’

‘That’s a good sign, right?’

‘Yes.’

‘When is your scheduled ultrasound?’ he asked. He was trying to be the best friend that she expected. He had been consciously trying to stem any negative emotions. Those feelings weren’t useful to anyone. But ever since Kitty had confirmed her pregnancy and he’d experienced the unexpected sense of jealousy he had questioned why. And he’d finally figured it out.

Children of his own had never been on his agenda—in his mind if he couldn’t commit to a woman he didn’t deserve to father children—but with Kitty’s announcement he’d had to admit that he actually did want to be a father. He didn’t begrudge her the pregnancy, far from it, and it shouldn’t matter that she was going to have a baby. That shouldn’t impact on his ability to be supportive, and he knew he shouldn’t be jealous, but he was finding the reality a little different from the theory. All it did was remind him that someday soon Kitty might be having children of her own, and moving on from their friendship.

But that was his issue and he would deal with it, and in the meantime he would make sure he was supportive. Maybe being a surrogate uncle to Kitty’s children would suffice.

‘Eight days,’ she replied.

‘I think you should wait until the scan, then. Think of how exciting that is going to be. Don’t you want to be able to share that with Jess and Cam? Surely you don’t want to take that excitement away from them by having seen it all before?’

She sighed. ‘You’re right.’

‘Good girl. It’ll all be fine, you’ll see.’

‘How come you always know the right thing to say?’

He laughed. ‘Maybe to you, because I know you so well.’

‘Thanks, Joe.’ Kitty stood up and tossed her sandwich wrapper in the bin before hugging him.

He loved the feeling of her arms around him. She was still so tiny and he wondered how long it would be before he’d be able to feel a little baby bump. He didn’t imagine it would take long as there was nowhere for the baby to go except out. He wondered too how much the pregnancy would change her. She was worrying now—would she continue to worry progressively more and more throughout the pregnancy, or would she eventually accept that things were going according to plan and relax? Whatever happened, he vowed to be there for her and to help her to cope. He had always been her rock and he didn’t want that to change. No matter how he felt.

* * *

Kitty was starting to feel more like her normal self. Her morning sickness was abating and, at twenty-two weeks, she was now feeling like she thought she was supposed to—a glowing, pregnant woman. She hadn’t gained much weight yet except for in her breasts, but she felt voluptuous for the first time in her life and it was making her feel very feminine. She knew it was hormonal but she was constantly thinking about sex. She hadn’t had sex in six months, nearly seven, and she was beginning to think she might go crazy unless she did something about it.

And it seemed she wasn’t the only one. As she sat with Lisa and a couple of other nurses at the Manly Pier Hotel the talk turned, inevitably, to men and the lack of good ones.

Kitty was enjoying the evening. It was good to be out and nice to have the focus off the pregnancy for a little while. At home with Jess and Cam it had become the number one topic of conversation, so she was looking forward to talking about the things she used to discuss with her girlfriends. The pub was busy, the line at the bar a couple of people deep. It was her turn to buy the drinks but she didn’t feel like fighting her way through the crowd. Like a knight in shining armour Joe appeared and offered to place their order.

‘You and Joe aren’t an item?’ one of the nurses asked, continuing the conversation as she watched Joe walk to the bar.

‘No. Just friends,’ Kitty replied.

‘With benefits?’ Victoria asked.

‘No.’ Kitty shook her head.

‘He’s hot.’

He did look good tonight, Kitty thought, although she had to pretend she hadn’t noticed. He wore his favourite jeans, and they were her favourites on him too. They hugged his backside, highlighting what she considered to be one of his best features. A white T-shirt hugged his chest. It was a simple outfit but it showcased his body to perfection. He was fit and muscular with just the right amount of confident swagger, she thought as she watched him leaning on the bar. His hair was casually perfect, he looked like he hadn’t made a huge amount of effort, as if he got out of bed looking like this—relaxed and gorgeous with a cheeky grin for whichever female he was talking to.

She had to agree with Victoria. Joe was hot, but she’d long ago taught herself to ignore it. They were friends, first and foremost, and she was too afraid of ruining the status quo to ever test the boundaries of that friendship. She needed him as a friend and she wasn’t going to risk their relationship by blurring the lines.

‘Is he single?’ Victoria asked as they watched Joe return to their table.

‘He’s single,’ Kitty admitted.

He delivered their drinks with a smile, making the dimple in his chin flash, and Kitty noticed that Victoria couldn’t take her eyes off him. He didn’t stay, choosing instead to go out to the deck where some of his mates were drinking, and Victoria’s gaze followed his path through the crowd.

All the talk about men and, more specifically Joe, had Kitty flustered. She couldn’t think about him and sex in the same conversation. She’d trained herself not to and, besides, he’d never even hinted that he’d be willing to cross that line.

But what if he did? What would she do?

She shook her head.

She’d be crazy to even consider it. She wasn’t prepared to risk the friendship of a lifetime for a brief encounter between the sheets. Even if her hormones were going crazy, there were others ways to scratch that itch. Kitty drained her water glass and stood up as the DJ played his first track. The pub was full of good-looking young men. Joe was not the only eligible bachelor here, she thought as she dragged Lisa onto the dance floor.

* * *

Joe could see Kitty on the dance floor from his vantage point on the deck. She looked particularly beautiful tonight. He knew she was suffering a little from morning sickness but she had a pregnancy glow and by this evening she was obviously feeling, and looking, better. Her hair was thick and glossy and her skin was luminous. She moved well—she was the epitome of someone who danced as if no one was watching, and he took advantage of that fact to watch her.

She was normally slight, but the pregnancy had added some curves to her bust and her hips, he thought as he watched her hips move to the music. She let herself go to the rhythm of the song and Joe let his eyes follow her movements. There was something hypnotic, almost sensual, about her dancing.

He shook his head and turned away. He felt awkward and exposed now—he wasn’t used to thinking about Kitty in that sense. Of course he’d noticed little things about her before—the depth of her brown eyes, the curve of her lips, the twin dimples in her cheeks—but he’d never let himself entertain an image of her as a sexual being before. He’d always kept her firmly in the friend zone.

He turned his gaze to Lisa instead as he tried to get the image of Kitty’s hips out of his head and watched as the girls were joined by a couple of guys. Strangers—or at least they were strangers to him. Not that who Kitty danced with was any of his business, but Joe felt his hackles rise anyway as his protective, or should that be territorial, instincts came to the fore.

Kitty danced for a few more minutes but when Lisa’s boyfriend arrived she excused herself and headed to the bar, closely followed by one of the guys. Joe’s protective instincts kicked up another notch. If this guy wanted a chance with Kitty he’d have to go through him first.

Joe pushed his way through the crowd and arrived at Kitty’s side just as the guy asked, ‘What can I get you?’

‘She’ll have a water,’ Joe answered.

The guy looked from Kitty to Joe. ‘I wasn’t asking you.’

‘And yet I’m answering.’ His protective instincts were on high alert now. Kitty didn’t need a stranger buying her drinks, and as the guy half-turned away from Joe to face Kitty, obviously not about to listen to Joe, he couldn’t resist adding, ‘She’s pregnant. She’ll have a water.’

He saw the guy glance down at Kitty’s stomach. There were no visible signs of her pregnancy yet, not unless you knew her. Joe knew that her breasts were bigger and she was a little softer, a little more rounded, more voluptuous, but she was wearing a loose sleeveless top and jeans. All anyone else would notice was the size of her breasts. And Joe didn’t want other guys noticing that.

Her skin glowed. She looked beautiful. And cross.

She was glaring at Joe but he pretended not to notice.

The guy looked back at Joe. He looked irritated too but Joe didn’t care. ‘Are you the father?’ he asked.

‘No.’

‘Then what business is it of yours?’

‘It’s her brother-in-law’s baby,’ Joe stated flatly.

The look on the stranger’s face was priceless. If Kitty hadn’t still been glaring at him Joe would have laughed. The guy looked completely horrified and he disappeared fast. Just as Joe had hoped.

‘What are you doing?’ Kitty turned on him.

‘What are you doing?’ he countered.

‘I was talking. He was cute.’ She was watching him walk away. ‘And now he thinks I’m a complete crazy.’

‘He wasn’t cute,’ Joe said. ‘And he looked about eighteen. No wonder he ran.’ He couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face but Kitty was still cross.

‘Joe, I haven’t had sex in almost seven months, my hormones are going wild and I’m about to burst with frustration. I wasn’t going to marry the guy. It’s just sex.’

Just sex.

Joe saw red. He’d never understood that expression until now. Blackness encroached onto the edges of his vision as a red haze washed over the centre. His scientific background told him that it was probably due to a rush of blood through his body, and he would swear he could feel his blood pressure building. He had a burning desire to punch something.

He didn’t want to think about Kitty having sex with strangers. The very idea horrified him.

He was aware of other men looking at her with interest and listening to their conversation. He took a deep breath and tried to clear his vision as he gripped her elbow and steered her out to the relative quiet of the deck before any other strangers offered to help her out.

‘I was only talking to him,’ she argued again, not prepared to let the discussion drop. ‘What’s the matter with you?’

‘You were talking to him but thinking about sex?’ he replied. ‘You don’t know anything about him.’ He knew he sounded like an irrational fool. Kitty was an adult and could make her own decisions, but he really didn’t want her thinking about having sex with strangers.

Kitty rolled her eyes. ‘If you hadn’t scared him off I might have found out more about him. That’s how meeting people works, Joe. You meet, you talk, you decide if you like each other.’

‘And then you have sex.’

‘That was my plan.’

‘But you’re pregnant.’

‘So? You think people don’t have sex when they’re pregnant?’

He didn’t want to think about her having sex, pregnant or otherwise. Not with strangers, that was for damn sure.

She was grinning at him now, the little dimples in her cheeks twinkling. He didn’t want her to think he was being funny, he was deadly serious. And he wanted her to take him seriously.

He was sorely tempted to offer his services but bit his tongue just in time. There was no way in hell that was a good idea.

She was waiting for his answer. Looking up at him with her big brown eyes, making it difficult to remember just why taking her in his arms and taking her to bed would be so terrible.

‘I don’t want to talk about you having pregnant sex,’ he said as he tried futilely not to imagine what her lips would taste like. Tried not to imagine how her breasts would feel under his fingertips.

‘Why not?’

They were standing very close now and the noise from the bar receded into the distance as Kitty continued to look up at him, a challenge in her dark eyes.

Why not what? He couldn’t remember what he’d said. He couldn’t think straight when she looked at him like that. She was all lips and eyes and breasts and he was a mess.

Their conversation was forgotten as he stared at her lips. He thought about kissing her soundly, showing her what it was like to be kissed by someone who knew her well. Who cared about her. Showing her how much better that was than kissing a complete stranger. Why had he never kissed her before? He couldn’t remember.

Everything receded, the noise, the crowd, until there was just the two of them.

He searched for a good reason not to kiss her now and couldn’t think of one. The urge was overpowering and he didn’t know if he could resist.

He bent his head.

She lifted her chin and tilted her head up to him.


CHAPTER FOUR (#uf3372faa-8d77-5a7b-8e83-76e0496ad695)

KITTY’S LIPS WERE PARTED. He could see the tip of her tongue, soft and pink between her teeth. Was she waiting for him to kiss her?

His eyes widened as she licked her lips.

Blood pounded in his veins.

Did she want him to kiss her?

How the hell could he know?

Perhaps he was the only one who thought this was a good idea.

No. Scratch that. It was a terrible idea.

He should resist the urge. Although it might be one way to stop her from thinking about sex with strangers... But then where would it leave them?

He was a mess of indecision. He had lost all form of coherent thought and his indecision made him hesitate. In that moment, in that split second when his desire battled with logic, Kitty stepped back.

Her reaction was probably the right one. The best one.

He should also back away before he did something stupid. He’d had several beers and was far from sober. Kissing him was probably the last thing on Kitty’s mind. It was highly likely she would have slapped him and he would have deserved it.

He stepped away. That was best. The combination of her hormones and his blood alcohol level may have made them do something they would regret.

He opened his mouth to say something but he was at a loss for words.

Kitty beat him to it. ‘I’m tired, I think I might head home,’ she said, and she was gone before he could say anything further.

But that was OK. That was good even. That was definitely the sensible outcome.

As he watched her go, he tried to gather his thoughts. His brain was fuzzy and it took some time before he could make his legs move.

‘Where’s Kitty?’ Lisa asked as he went back into the pub.

‘She’s gone home,’ he replied. ‘She was tired.’

One of the other girls at the table stood up. He recognised her from the hospital, she was one of the nurses. He thought her name was Victoria.

‘Would you like to dance?’ she asked him. Her voice was quiet and he had to lean in closer to hear her. Had she done that deliberately? She was standing awfully close to him. She was pressed up against his thigh, her hand on his arm, and she was looking at him as if she had no place she needed to be.

Joe didn’t dance and he’d had enough to drink. He definitely had somewhere better to be. ‘I’ve got a better idea. Do you want to get out of here?’ he said, and was not surprised when she agreed.

Victoria was thin and blonde, the complete opposite of Kitty. She was exactly what he needed to take his mind off what had just happened.

* * *

‘Kitty and Anna, incoming patient, three minutes,’ Davina said. ‘I don’t have much information. He’s a surfer, picked up by the coastguard, suffering from exposure and dehydration. That’s all I’ve got.’

Kitty grabbed a fresh gown and gloves and made her way to the ambulance bay. Dr Anna Lewis was already there.

The ambulance pulled in, followed by a couple of news vans, and Joe jumped out.

Kitty took a deep breath. She hadn’t seen him for several days, not since she’d almost kissed him, but she’d known their paths would cross again. She’d also heard that he’d gone home with Victoria that night. Victoria had made no secret of that fact the next time she and Kitty had had a shift together. What was that all about?

She was still fuming about it. Annoyed with him and annoyed with herself for caring. She didn’t normally have an issue about Joe’s dalliances or relationships, but something about him and Victoria was bugging her and having to work with Victoria was only making things worse. She knew it was because she’d stupidly thought he’d been about to kiss her at the pub. Until he hadn’t. Obviously, that had been the last thing on his mind. He’d probably been about to ask if Victoria was single. Did everyone assume Kitty would just play matchmaker now that she was pregnant? Why didn’t anyone imagine that maybe she wanted sex? She was pregnant, not dead.

But Kitty had fled the pub after that. She hadn’t wanted to give Joe a chance to read what must have been written all over her face. He’d always known what she was thinking and she didn’t think she would have managed to hide the fact that she’d thought he’d been about to kiss her—and that she’d desperately wanted him to. What was wrong with her? That would be the surest way to ruin their friendship.

But she still wished he hadn’t hooked up with Victoria. That was just rubbing salt into the wound. Victoria was tall and thin and blonde. All the things Kitty wasn’t, and Kitty was unusually irritated by the thought of them together.

But there was nothing she could do about it.

Joe pushed the stretcher towards them and Kitty deliberately went to the opposite end, knowing she’d be able to avoid eye contact. She virtually ignored him as he gave them a rundown on the situation while they transferred the patient into an exam room.

Their patient was of Asian appearance, slim with a badly sunburned nose and shoulders. According to Joe he was Japanese. ‘This is Toshi. He got into strife in the surf yesterday and spent the night drifting out to sea on his board.’ That caught Kitty’s attention but she still avoided looking at Joe and instead looked at Toshi. He’d spent a night in the ocean on a surfboard? ‘He is dehydrated, tired and sunburnt but otherwise in reasonable shape considering the circumstances. He’s had a litre of saline, this is the second litre running through now. His English is better than my Japanese but I think you should call an interpreter.’

Despite his ordeal, Toshi was able to transfer himself from the stretcher to the examination bed, and Joe smiled at Kitty as he wheeled the stretcher from the room. If he’d noticed her less than friendly attitude towards him it didn’t appear to bother him. He wouldn’t imagine he’d done anything to upset her and, in reality, she wouldn’t normally have been upset by his behaviour. He was just being regular Joe. It was hardly his fault she was a hormonal mess.

Kitty hung up the bag of saline and attached leads to Toshi’s chest and finger to record his vital statistics. Anna connected him to the oxygen as a precaution but Joe’s assessment seemed accurate. Toshi seemed physically in quite a good state, although Kitty wasn’t sure what a night spent drifting in the Pacific Ocean would do to a person’s mental state. She knew she would have been terrified, imagining sharks circling and all sorts of deadly sea creatures just waiting to pounce. It was just the sort of thing that could lead to PTSD, but there wouldn’t be much discussion about Toshi’s mental health until the interpreter could be contacted.

‘Can you organise some food for him?’ Anna asked Kitty when she’d finished her physical examination and declared that he was, indeed, in remarkably good shape. ‘Something simple to start with, perhaps soup, a salad and some juice?’

‘Sure,’ Kitty replied.

‘And then we’d better see if we can get an interpreter on the phone if one doesn’t turn up shortly. He can have half-hourly obs once he’s eaten, providing he keeps something down.’

Kitty organised a tray of food and then took her scheduled break while she waited for it to be delivered. The television in the staff kitchen was on the news channel and Kitty recognised the hospital ED entrance in the background of the shot. A reporter stood in the ambulance bay, speaking to the camera. Kitty wondered if this was the same news crew that had followed the ambulance bringing Toshi. She supposed it was an interesting story.

The emergency doors slid open behind the reporter and Joe stepped outside. Kitty increased the volume when she saw the reporter turn to Joe, thrusting the microphone towards him. Joe stopped, and Kitty wondered if he’d been asked to speak to the media. If so, he was a good choice—after all, he had been one of the paramedics who had transferred Toshi to hospital, and the camera loved him. The angles of his face were thrown into sharp relief by the fluorescent overhead lights of the hospital entrance but his skin still managed to look tanned and healthy and his blue eyes were clear and bright.

‘I’m speaking now with one of the paramedics who brought the Japanese surfer here to North Sydney Hospital after his harrowing ordeal lost at sea for sixteen hours,’ the young reporter said to the camera, before turning to Joe. ‘Mr Harkness, what can you tell us about the man’s condition? Is he going to be all right?’

The reporter knew his name, so Joe must have been asked to speak and from past experience Kitty knew it was the only way to get them to move on. You had to give them something otherwise they’d be hovering around all night.

‘He was very dehydrated and sunburnt but in remarkably good spirits considering his ordeal. He’s understandably relieved to be back on dry land,’ Joe replied.

He looked fresh and relaxed. No one would guess he was nearing the end of his twelve-hour shift. The dimple in his chin appeared as he smiled at the young news reporter. Kitty just knew the effect his smile would be having on the young woman. She’d be surprised if she could remember her next question.

‘How did he come to be on his surfboard in a shipping lane six kilometres off the east coast of Australia?’ the reporter asked, and Kitty was sure she could see a blush colouring her throat as Joe looked directly at her.

‘As far as we know, he got dragged out to sea in a rip and was unable to paddle back in as the waves were too big.’

‘And how did he end up in your ambulance?’

‘He was spotted by the crew of a container ship and they were able to pick him up. It was fortunate his surfboard was yellow as they may not have seen him otherwise. The coastguard retrieved him and we met them and transferred him here. He’s a very lucky man.’

The reporter asked a couple more questions, but Kitty’s mind wandered as she watched Joe. She could tell he’d had enough of being interviewed. He was still being pleasant but the set of his shoulders had changed. He was angled away from the reporter now and although Kitty couldn’t see his feet she suspected he had shifted his weight. He’d be getting ready to move. She could read his body language, knew his movements. She had spent so much time with him, watching him, she knew the set of his head, the curve of his cheek, the exact position of the dimple in his chin. She didn’t want to be cross with him. She acknowledged that it stemmed from being irritated with herself. It wasn’t his fault she was hormonal.

She felt a flutter in her belly as the baby stretched and moved and reminded her of what was important. Family. Friends. Joe was as important to her as anyone. She’d mend the bridges.

She didn’t get to choose who Joe spent his time with. That was all up to him and he’d obviously not wanted to kiss her. Thank God when he’d bent his head towards her that night at the pub she hadn’t met him halfway—she would have died of embarrassment. As it was, it was bad enough that he’d hooked up with Victoria. Had that been his plan all along for that night?

She remembered he’d asked her not to talk about pregnant sex. Did he think her pregnancy made her unattractive? Undesirable?

Had she just imagined that he was going to kiss her? Had she wanted him to?

She knew she had. Did.

But perhaps it was best that she hadn’t. She needed him in her life and she couldn’t afford to jeopardise their relationship. He was one of the few people she could rely on to have her back. She couldn’t risk altering the status quo.

So she’d better stop being in a huff about Victoria. She didn’t need to socialise with them as a couple but she should stop ignoring Joe.

Even Jess had noticed that Joe hadn’t been around for the past few days. Kitty’s birthday was next week and she had always celebrated it with Joe. Jess and Cam had been pressuring her to invite him for dinner. She checked the roster. She wanted to know which nights Victoria was working. She could invite Joe and feign ignorance that Victoria had a shift.

She went out to the ambulance bay, anxious to catch Joe before he left. Suddenly she felt it was important to fix things. To act like an adult.

She waited until the reporter signed off on her segment and the news crew had started packing up their gear before she hurried after him.

‘Joe? Can I talk to you?’

‘Hey.’ He turned around with a smile. He looked pleased to see her. Maybe he hadn’t even noticed she’d been avoiding him. He was probably too caught up in Victoria to have time to think about her. She pushed those thoughts aside. She didn’t want to think about Victoria any more than she had to, and basked in the warmth of Joe’s smile instead. ‘How are you?’ he asked. ‘How’s our patient?’

‘Hungry.’ She smiled back. ‘Toshi, I mean,’ she clarified.

‘That’s a good sign.’

‘It is,’ she agreed. ‘I saw your interview.’

‘Is that what you came to tell me? Was it terrible?’

She shook her head. ‘You know it wasn’t. I wanted to ask if you are free for dinner tomorrow night? Cam is going to make a barbecue,’ she said, reminding herself she’d have to remember to tell Cam. ‘It’s an early birthday celebration for me. Would you like to come over?’

‘Sounds great.’

‘You’re welcome to bring Victoria,’ she offered, hoping that Joe would already know she had a shift and wouldn’t ask her to swap it.

‘Thanks, but I don’t think we’re at that point in our relationship yet.’

‘OK.’ Kitty did a mental fist pump. That had worked out well—she’d looked gracious while still getting what she wanted. Joe hadn’t even thought about checking Victoria’s roster. ‘See you at seven.’

That was good. He didn’t seem out of sorts with her. She didn’t want to push him away, to give him a reason to abandon their friendship, abandon her. Everyone left her eventually but she really wanted to keep Joe in her life for as long as possible. She needed him.

* * *

Kitty answered Joe’s knock on the door. She was wearing a dress he hadn’t seen before. She looked good. Pink suited her. She was glowing, making him wonder suddenly if she’d had the sex she’d been seeking out the other night. Had sex put the sparkle in her eyes and the glow on her cheeks?

He didn’t want to think about Kitty having sex. Not if it wasn’t with him. But that wasn’t going to happen, and thinking about it wasn’t going to do anyone any good.

‘New dress?’ he asked as he kissed her cheek and handed her the gifts he’d brought.

‘I had to go shopping. I don’t fit into my clothes any more,’ she said as she led him into the house. His gaze dropped to her hips, which were swaying tantalisingly in front of him. This pregnancy had filled her out, rounding her bottom, in a good way, and Joe felt a corresponding tightness in his groin.

He greeted Jess and Cam and handed Cam a six-pack of beer as he tried to ignore the stirring of lust that threatened to destroy his concentration.

‘Good man. I’m living in a teetotaller house these days. I’m trying to be supportive and it’s no fun drinking without company,’ Cam said as he cracked the tops of a couple of the small bottles and handed one back to Joe. ‘Jess isn’t drinking either.’

‘I’m keeping Kitty company,’ she said.

‘How many weeks are you now?’ Joe asked Kitty. ‘Twenty-two?’

‘Twenty-four.’

His question had purely been conversational. He knew exactly how many weeks she was.

‘We had a scan today,’ Jess told him. He thought it was strange that she said ‘we’. He knew that genetically the baby was hers and she obviously felt a connection but Kitty was the one who was pregnant. ‘Would you like to see the picture?’ Jess asked.

‘Sure.’

‘I’m not sure that Joe is as interested in our baby as we are,’ Cam told his wife.

‘It’s fine,’ Joe said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

Jess went to the fridge and removed a small square black and white picture from where it had been held in place by a magnet. She held it out to Joe.

This was OK. He’d seen plenty of ultrasound scans before. It was just a baby. As long as he didn’t think that this baby was responsible for the change in Kitty’s shape and the subsequent change in his perception of her it was all good. At this stage, it just looked like any baby. With a perfect profile, sucking its thumb.

‘Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?’ he asked.

Jess shook her head. ‘We can’t agree. I want to know, but Cam—’

‘I want a surprise,’ Cam said, finishing Jess’s sentence for her as she started coughing. Cam fetched her a glass of water and Jess drank it in fits and starts, between coughs, until she could speak again.

‘I want to know because I want to decorate the nursery. If we’re only going to do this once I’d like time to be prepared.’

Joe suspected that meant that they would find out the sex. In his experience the woman got her way in these things. But who would have the final say? Who would the doctor listen to? Technically, Kitty was the mother. What would she say? He didn’t want to ask that question. He decided to stick to a safer topic. ‘Only once, you say?’

‘I’d be happy with one,’ Cam said. ‘It’s one more than we thought we’d have.’

‘I’d like more, but I’m not going to be greedy,’ Jess admitted.

‘Let’s just get this one here safely,’ Cam said.

‘I know, I’m not going to get ahead of myself but I loved growing up with a sister. I couldn’t do this without her,’ Jess said as she took the ultrasound picture back from Joe and hugged Kitty, ‘and I’d like to think of my own children having the same relationship with a sibling.’

Joe had brothers and sisters, but none of them were full siblings, and he certainly didn’t share the bond with any of them like Kitty and Jess had. ‘There’s no guarantee that they’d get along, you know. I’ve got five siblings and I don’t really get along with any of them.’ In fact, he had always thought Kitty was more like a sister than his real ones. Until the past week at least, when he’d started having very unfamilial thoughts about her.

‘I find that hard to believe,’ Cam said. ‘I picked you as one of those blokes that gets on with everyone.’

Joe laughed. ‘Maybe that says more about me than them.’

Kitty came to his defence. ‘You’re not really close in age to any of them and you didn’t really grow up together. That makes a difference.’

‘I guess what I’m saying is that I grew up virtually as an only child, and in a lot of ways I think I had a happier childhood for it.’ His teenage years maybe hadn’t been quite so happy, but that was because he’d been old enough to realise that he didn’t really fit in with any of his families. But that wasn’t because he didn’t have siblings—that was because his mum and dad hadn’t been able to stay married. To anyone. And that had meant he’d constantly had his boundaries and his living arrangements changed around him, completely out of his control. He hadn’t like that and had become rebellious, which had made him difficult to live with. Not just for his parents but probably for some of his brothers and sisters, too. It was circumstances that had made him.

‘I didn’t know you were one of six,’ Jess said.

‘Two half-siblings and three step-siblings. In some ways I’m surprised it’s not more. My parents divorced when I was four. Mum was Dad’s second wife, but they’ve both been married three times now. That’s a lot of families to juggle and a lot of different dynamics. I think I preferred it when I was on my own. In a lot of ways it made life easier.’

Joe didn’t think much of a typical family unit but he knew his reservations were due to watching his parents struggle to keep marriages together. Although struggle wasn’t the right word—neither of them really seemed to put much effort into making their marriages last. They both seemed to prefer just to give up and move on to the next one. Joe knew that Kitty and Jess had grown up in a stable family unit, at least until tragedy had taken both their parents when Kitty had been nineteen, and he could understand why they expected to have the same stable environment. But in his experience that was virtually impossible. The impossible dream.

‘I think we’ll just take this one step at a time. One baby at a time,’ Cam said as he kissed his wife. ‘And see how we manage.’

Joe thought Cam’s logic was practical and sensible. There were a lot of unknowns in Cam and Jess’s future. The new baby was only one of them.

* * *

Dinner was finished—steak and a glass of red wine for Cam and Joe, fish and lime-flavoured sparkling mineral water for Jess and Kitty. Cam cleared the plates and said to Joe, ‘Come and join me for a beer while I clean the barbecue.’

Joe followed him over to the grill and took a swig of his beer. ‘Do you think this surrogacy thing is a good idea?’ he asked as he stood watching Cam work. ‘Actually, scratch that. You must.’

Cam didn’t answer immediately. ‘It’s what Jess wanted. I love my wife. I want her to be happy and this is what she wanted. I didn’t have the same burning desire to have children. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against the idea, but if it didn’t happen for us I was OK with that. But Jess wants kids. I’m doing this for her. That’s what love is all about.’

Joe figured he wouldn’t know anything about all that but all the same his gaze was drawn to Kitty. He could see her through the window. She was standing by the kettle, pulling mugs off the shelf.

‘Speaking of love...’ Cam’s voice made Joe jump. He dragged his eyes off Kitty and back to Cam, wondering where he was going with this topic, but Cam was scraping the barbecue, seemingly disinterested in who or what Joe was watching. ‘Kitty tells me you’re seeing someone. Is it serious?’

Joe almost choked. ‘God, no. I try to avoid serious relationships.’

‘Maybe you just haven’t met the perfect girl yet,’ Cam said, echoing the words of so many of Joe’s friends, but Joe thought differently.

‘No one’s perfect,’ he said, ‘and nothing lasts for ever. I don’t see the point in starting something that won’t last.’

Even Cam and Jess’s relationship, as perfect as it might look from the outside, had its downsides in Joe’s opinion. Jess’s cancer and inability to get pregnant was far from their idea of perfect. But Joe wasn’t about to make an example of Cam’s own marriage as his argument.

‘What about Kitty?’

‘Kitty?’

‘Is that so hard to imagine? You and Kitty? You must like her.’

‘Of course I like her, she’s my best friend.’

He’d been trying to remind himself of that every day since he’d nearly succumbed to temptation and almost kissed her. He continued to tell himself he was glad he’d resisted. That would have been disastrous.

‘C’mon, Joe. You don’t think Jess and I haven’t talked about this? We think you guys would be good together.’

Joe wasn’t so sure. As tempted as he had been the other night, he was still convinced that a quick tumble between the sheets would have been a sure way to ruin their friendship. But that hadn’t stopped him thinking about it. And opting to take Victoria home that night instead hadn’t stopped him thinking about it either. But thinking about it was one thing, acting on it was another thing altogether, and there were dozens of reasons why he would steer clear. Starting with the biggest one—he and Kitty wanted different things out of relationships.

‘I’m not the right man for her,’ he said. ‘Kitty is looking for someone who can commit to her, someone who will promise to never leave her. I don’t believe in happily ever after. We’d be a terrible combination.’

‘You think?’

Joe nodded. He’d given this a lot of thought over the past couple of weeks, and no matter how much he might wish things had turned out differently he knew he wasn’t the right man for Kitty. He was not what Kitty needed. ‘Trust me, I’m not the man she needs and I really don’t want to ruin a perfectly good friendship.’

Cam laughed. ‘There’s no such thing as a friendship between a man and a woman. You’ve heard that saying. Men will always muck it up by wanting sex.’

Cam definitely had a point, but Joe couldn’t agree with him. He was desperate to bring this conversation to an end before he admitted to something that had disaster written all over it. ‘Wanting and having are two different things, my friend,’ he said, ‘and it’s the having that mucks things up. Better Kitty and I stick to what we do best. It’s worked for us so far.’

‘OK, mate, whatever you say.’ Cam’s expression was sceptical as he covered the barbecue and knocked the lids off a couple more beers.

Joe knew he didn’t believe him, and he couldn’t blame Cam. Even Joe was not convinced, but he knew he couldn’t give in to his desires no matter how much he wanted to. He really couldn’t risk ruining his relationship with Kitty over his crazy ideas. Surely, given time, he’d get this ridiculous feeling out of his system and life would go on with Kitty being none the wiser.

* * *

Twenty-eight weeks. Only twelve to go.

Kitty was no longer thinking of her life in terms of days of the week or even months of the year—everything had been reduced to weeks of her pregnancy and the associated milestones. At twenty-eight weeks she was two-thirds of the way there. The baby was putting on weight, her skin was filling out and she was constantly on the move.

Last week she had volunteered to be a patient at one of the student sonography clinics held at the hospital and she had asked to find out the baby’s sex. She was having a girl.

But she had hugged that knowledge to herself. She’d had to share every little piece of this pregnancy with Jess and Cam, and for the most part she’d been happy to do that, but it was nice to have something that was hers alone. She felt a little guilty about keeping the secret, and on occasion she’d had to be careful with her language to ensure she didn’t use ‘she’ in reference to the baby too often. An occasional mention could be passed off as a figure of speech but she had to remember to use ‘he’ at times too. But in her opinion there was no harm in having this one secret. It wasn’t going to hurt anyone.

Cam didn’t want to know the baby’s sex and Kitty knew it was better to keep her secret than to risk spoiling the surprise for Cam. And not knowing hadn’t stopped Jess from starting to decorate the nursery. She had gone for a white palette with pretty pale apple green accents, which she said she could team with pink or navy depending on whether the baby was a boy or a girl.

The baby kicked as if knowing Kitty was thinking about her. She put a hand on her belly and smiled. She was happy. She was doing a good thing for her sister, growing a beautiful baby—and she’d even patched things up with Joe. Things were back on an even keel with him since her birthday dinner. As far as she knew, he was still seeing Victoria but she was trying not to let that bother her. She’d avoided going out with the hospital staff since that night. She used fatigue and the fact that she wasn’t drinking as her excuse, but she really didn’t want to put herself in a situation where she would have to see Joe and Victoria together. As long as she didn’t have to see them together she could pretend it wasn’t happening. Ignorance might not be bliss but it was better than the alternative.

And she was finding work tiring. Being on her feet for hours on end while carrying around an extra six kilograms was exhausting. She hadn’t put on a lot of weight but six kilograms was just the beginning and it felt like a lot on her small frame, meaning she was happy to spend most nights on the couch.

She was due for a break and, unlike her pre-pregnancy days when she’d often skipped or shortened her breaks, now she looked forward to them and made sure she sat down for a few minutes to give her feet and ankles a rest. Her Saturday night shift had been busy and she didn’t expect it to get any quieter. She grabbed a sandwich and a piece of fruit from her locker and took it outside.

To her left she spotted Joe, sitting on the retaining wall that separated the garden bed from the ambulance bay. Victoria was standing in front of him, partially obscuring Kitty’s view, but she only needed a glimpse to know it was him. Kitty tried to ignore the feelings of jealousy that swamped her. She hated feeling jealous, but she hated seeing Joe with Victoria even more. She was still blaming her hormones even though she knew it was really about the almost-kiss. She was having trouble forgetting that.

She’d been an idiot. She’d nearly ruined their friendship. Of course he’d hesitated. She’d crossed their boundaries. She was relieved that he didn’t seem to be holding her faux pas against her, but she couldn’t forget it and she couldn’t deny that she wanted to know what it would be like to kiss him properly. She’d been dreaming about it. All her searching on the internet had reinforced the idea that her hormones were running wild in this trimester but she couldn’t help but think it was more than that. She couldn’t get the idea out of her head. She wasn’t having fantasies about any other men. Just Joe.

She contemplated going back into the hospital but she really wanted some fresh air. She bit into her apple as she turned right, away from Joe. She didn’t think he’d seen her and she certainly didn’t want to see the two of them together. It made her feel lonely and diminished her happiness. Jess had Cam and Joe had Victoria, but she had no one.

As if to cheer her up, the baby somersaulted in her womb. She was active tonight, Kitty thought as she put her hand on her stomach. She wasn’t alone, not right now, but even the baby was only hers temporarily. This pregnancy was of her choosing, it was what she wanted, but she knew that, ultimately, she wanted to be part of a couple. She wanted to be loved. She wanted a family of her own one day. But for now she needed to focus on the pregnancy and hope that her time would come.

She finished her sandwich and wrapped the apple core in the left-over packaging, then with one final glance in Joe’s direction she went back into the hospital. She threw her rubbish in a bin at the triage desk and went to wash her hands, glancing around the waiting area as she dried them. The ED waiting area was empty, the ED quiet; Lisa was the only staff member Kitty could see, which meant that all the other staff were busy in treatment rooms or were taking their breaks. Kitty was walking towards the desk when the entrance doors slid open, admitting a very thin, dishevelled man in a pair of dirty jeans and a grubby T-shirt. Scabs covered his forearms and he was scratching at them agitatedly. He scanned the department as he entered. His eyes were wide, his pupils dilated, and his movements were jerky and frantic. Kitty recognised that look. The familiar look of a methamphetamine user.

His gaze landed on Kitty and he started yelling as he advanced towards her in an unnatural, nervous gait.

‘Help me! They’re tracking me, they’re going to kill me!’ His scratching gathered intensity and he had picked off several scabs. His arms were now bleeding.

Kitty was stranded on the wrong side of the desk. The desk was separated from the waiting area by a glass window and access to it was via a pair of doors that needed a security code to open. The desk resembled a bank counter. Lisa was the teller, safely barricaded behind the glass, but Kitty was exposed and vulnerable. She wanted to seek refuge but she was afraid to move, worried that any movement might trigger a reaction in this man. A reaction she wasn’t at all keen to witness.

She reached slowly into the pocket of her scrubs and retrieved a pair of surgical gloves, pulling them on carefully as she glanced at Lisa, knowing they needed back-up and knowing Lisa would push the button to call for help.

She reached out a hand, silently begging him to stop, praying that back-up would arrive before he got to her. ‘It’s all right, no one is going to hurt you here. You’re safe.’

He continued to look around but he stopped walking. He’d stopped almost level with the door that Kitty could have escaped through. If he took one more step in her direction he would effectively block her access to safety.

Kitty had to risk it. She knew Lisa could push another button that would open the door and let her in, once Kitty got close enough. She looked at her. Lisa nodded and moved towards the button as Kitty moved towards the door. Towards the man.

‘Stay away from me!’

Kitty froze. He’d taken her movement as a threat.

She raised her hands, intending to convey she meant him no harm. Her heart was in her mouth and she could feel every beat echoing through her body. Adrenalin coursed through her, triggering her fight or flight response. She wanted to flee but there was nowhere to go. This man was blocking her escape route, and the only thing between him and her was her pregnant belly.

She couldn’t risk it. She had to get out of there. She was terrified, afraid to turn her back, but she had no other option. She was trapped. She couldn’t go forward. She could only go back.

Kitty slid back a step, but he took another lurch forward.

‘What are you doing?’ he yelled at her.

She hesitated. She didn’t want to upset him. He was drug fuelled, erratic and unpredictable. Who knew what he was capable of?

Kitty took her eyes off him momentarily, searching to see if help was coming in any form. Surely minutes must have passed since Lisa had pressed the alarm? Where was everyone?

He was watching her. ‘Who’s there? Is it them?’ He turned his head to look over his shoulder and Kitty took another step backwards but she wasn’t fast enough. He had turned back to face her, catching her movement.

He advanced towards her, reaching behind his back as he walked. Kitty froze. She was terrified.

He brought his hand forward and Kitty’s eyes went wide. He was holding a large knife. Light reflected off the blade, glinting ominously.

Kitty couldn’t move. She was so frightened she’d lost voluntary control of her limbs, her muscles stiff and unresponsive.

He lunged at her, and Kitty was surprised by the speed of his movement and the power of his skinny body. She felt a blow to her chest that was hard enough to knock the wind from her lungs. She felt herself falling, and the last thing she remembered was the shine of the overhead fluorescent lights reflecting off the blade of his knife.


CHAPTER FIVE (#uf3372faa-8d77-5a7b-8e83-76e0496ad695)

JOE HAD SEEN Kitty come out of the hospital. Out of the corner of his eye he’d seen her glance his way as he sat with Victoria, and seen her choose not to come and say hello. Things between them had been a little strained for the past few weeks. If he’d had to put a time frame to when it had started he would pick the night at the pub. The night he’d almost kissed her.

Not that she’d said anything. Nothing had been said about it by either of them, and he had to assume he was the only one dwelling on it. That he was the only one who considered it a missed opportunity. He wasn’t sure that Kitty had even realised what he’d been so tempted to do. For all he knew, she had been, and still was, oblivious to the whole episode—but it didn’t explain how she was behaving.

He’d thought that things might be back to normal when she’d invited him to her birthday dinner but there was still tension between them. He could feel it. And she was definitely avoiding him. She’d made excuses about why she couldn’t catch up with him. She’d blamed the pregnancy—she was tired or had appointments—but he wasn’t convinced that was the sole reason. He wasn’t certain it was to do with the almost-kiss but something wasn’t right.

Maybe he should have kissed her. Maybe that would have brought things to a head and sorted it out once and for all. God knew, he’d spent far too long thinking about the missed opportunity, and he’d thought the best way to get her out of his head was to date someone else but even that wasn’t working.

He wished she’d never mentioned wanting sex. He wished she wasn’t pregnant and full of raging hormones. Hormones that made her think of random sex with strangers and, in turn, made him think of sex with her. He wished things had stayed the same. But he was having a hard time thinking of her in a platonic sense now. Since she’d talked about wanting sex and his conversation with Cam, all he could think about was ‘could it work?’ But he knew, realistically, it couldn’t. It wouldn’t. It would be an unmitigated disaster. He’d mess it up for sure.

But that didn’t stop him from dreaming and wishing and imagining. It hadn’t stopped him from watching her out of the corner of his eye as she’d sat and eaten and very carefully avoided looking at him.

He knew she’d seen him, and he’d kept an eye on her even as he’d tried to continue his discussion with Victoria. He’d been busy trying to tell her that their relationship wasn’t going to work without really explaining why. He couldn’t, in good conscience, continue to sleep with her when his head was full of thoughts about making love to someone else. Not even if he knew that was never going to happen. Because the short answer was he couldn’t be with Kitty. He’d meant it when he’d told Cam he wasn’t the man Kitty needed.

But he’d still kept one eye on her as Victoria had railed at him and called him heartless, and even while she’d accused him of not listening to her or paying attention. He hadn’t admitted she was right.

He’d seen Kitty glance their way and choose to head in the opposite direction, and he’d seen her finish eating and disappear back inside the hospital. And, because he’d still been watching the entrance to the ED, he’d noticed a tall, thin man approaching the entrance, too. The man had been dishevelled and talking to himself, and Joe’s antennae had pricked.

He’d looked distressed and when Joe saw the guy go into the ED he followed, his suspicions alerted.

The ED doors slid open as they sensed him and Joe stepped inside and found himself in the midst of his worst nightmare.

The ED was virtually empty but despite the lack of people there was noise, chaos and confusion. It was out of proportion considering the emptiness of the space.

Movement to his right caught his eye.

Someone was falling. Fast. He saw their head hit the wall and saw them land in a crumpled heap.

And then he saw that the someone was Kitty.

The guy Joe had followed into the ED was moving towards her and Joe started running before he’d fully taken stock of the situation. All he knew was that he had to get to Kitty.

He sprinted towards her.

Subconsciously he registered that the guy wasn’t distressed. He was high.

Joe had seen what methamphetamines could do to people. He’d witnessed the rage it could induce, the psychotic episodes and the physical violence that ensued, and all he could think about was getting to Kitty before this guy did. He didn’t stop to think about what he was going to do. He’d seen it take four big men to subdue meth addicts before. He’d been one of those guys holding them down plenty of times so he knew the superhuman strength the drug imparted and there was no way he was going to let this guy harm Kitty. Not more than he already had.

‘Hey!’ he yelled. He had to distract him. The man turned and Joe reached out, instinctively trying to placate him. It was a ridiculous idea as he was obviously high, but Joe’s only thought was to get him away from Kitty. ‘What are you doing?’

The guy was still spinning, turning at the sound of Joe’s voice. ‘Stay away from me.’ His rancid breath assailed Joe’s senses and his pupils were so dilated that his eyes looked like two dark holes in his face. He lashed out at Joe as he turned. Joe felt a searing pain in his hand and saw the light bouncing off a steel blade.

A knife.

He hadn’t anticipated that.

He tried to skid to a stop but his momentum carried him forward, straight into the path of the blade.

Pain burst through his abdomen.

The pain was similar to getting punched in the stomach and Joe had time to think it was strange—he’d always expected knifing pain to be sharp. He pushed the man away from him with a force he hadn’t known he had, and as the man stumbled backwards Joe looked down. The pain wasn’t excruciating. Maybe he hadn’t just been stabbed?

He put his hand over his stomach and it came away covered in blood. He could feel it now, warm and wet and sticky, soaking into his dark blue uniform.

Ahead of him, over the man’s right shoulder, Joe saw four of the hospital security staff arrive, followed by one of the ED doctors. The security guards threw a net over the man, who bucked and thrashed like a wild animal. It took all four guards to hold him down.

As Joe watched the man kicking and screaming under the net, red and blue light bathed the walls of the ED, flashing on and off and making the experience a little surreal as police cars pulled up to the department doors. The police rushed in, tasers in hand and guns holstered, but Joe could see that their holsters were unclipped and ready for whatever happened next. Joe knew they would have been through this process before. They all had. This was nothing new in hospital emergency departments country-wide.

But the police were not the front line this time. The security guards had managed to contain the man. They had his hands pinned behind his back but he continued to resist. Two policeman joined in as they attempted to subdue him, attempted to get him into a position where the doctor could administer a sedative. Six big men and one doctor. All to contain one drug user. And meanwhile Kitty was still lying sprawled against the wall. She hadn’t moved and no one had been near her. No one had so much as glanced her way. There was no one spare.

There was only him.

He had to help her.

He took a step towards her but his knees buckled under him, surprising him, and he found himself kneeling on the floor in a pool of his own blood.

He was bent double and it hurt to breathe, but at least he was still breathing. His left hand was pressed against his stomach, just below his ribs, and he could feel his lungs inflate and deflate. His stomach muscles screamed and his right hand throbbed, but he was alive and breathing. Kitty still hadn’t moved.

He moved his left hand, placing it on the floor to stabilise himself. He pressed his right elbow into his side and applied pressure to his abdominal wound as he crawled across the floor to Kitty, leaving a trail of blood in his wake.

She was still slumped against the wall. She was pale and her eyes were closed. He could see the small bump of her pregnancy under the blue fabric of her scrubs and he could see the rise and fall of her chest just above the bump. He let out a sigh of relief and some of the tension he’d been holding dissolved with the sigh. She was breathing.

He knelt beside her and reached out, putting his left hand on her shoulder. He winced in pain as the movement stretched his stomach.

‘Kitty, can you hear me? Open your eyes.’ He shook her shoulder, very gently, and his hand left a bloody print on her top. ‘Kitty?’ he repeated, and he could hear the desperation in his voice.




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