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The Doctor's Diamond Proposal
Annie Claydon
Falling for the celebrity docPhysiotherapist Alexandra Jackson never thought she’d see Leo Cross again, after an accident changed her life. But when she’s thrown back together with Leo, Alex sees a hint of the boy she once met underneath the celebrity doctor’s charming smile…Leo knows he can’t give Alex the commitment she deserves—he’s fighting too many demons of his own. But will their connection, and Alex’s positive approach to life, inspire Leo to make her a proposal neither will ever forget?


Falling for the celebrity doc
Physiotherapist Alexandra Jackson never thought she’d see Leo Cross again after an accident changed her life. But when she’s thrown back together with Leo she sees a hint of the boy she once met underneath the celebrity doctor’s charming smile...
Leo knows he can’t give Alex the commitment she deserves—he’s fighting too many demons of his own. But will their connection and Alex’s positive approach to life inspire Leo to make her a proposal neither will ever forget?
‘I can’t read you. I never quite know what you’re going to do next. Fascinating.’ The curve of his lips made it clear that was a compliment.
She knew it was just Leo’s charm—his way of turning a situation around and removing the barbs. But it was still compelling, and when she looked into his eyes she felt that he really did find her fascinating.
Alex swallowed hard. ‘You know what, Leo? Even if you could read minds you still wouldn’t be able to see into the future.’
‘I think the universe has something to answer for there. We can see the past, but it’s too late to go back and do things differently. And the future...’ He shrugged.
The one timeframe that mattered most was the one that Leo seemed unable to get to grips with.
‘What about now, Leo?’
Dear Reader (#ue0595be4-75b7-5408-9170-6fc9a6d2e3fa),
Science fiction has taught us that using time travel to meddle with the past isn’t always the wisest course of action. One small thing changes and it sets off a cascade of alternative realities, any one of which might have unintended consequences.
When Alex and Leo first meet they’re dressed up as space travellers from their favourite TV show. That meeting sets a chain of events in place which reverberates through their lives, and when they meet again the night that they shared together all those years ago has become an irrevocable part of who they have both become.
It’s an often-posed question. What would you do differently? But, although it’s always good to learn from the past, it’s not something that any of us can change. The present might be fleeting, and the future unknown, but that allows us the great gift of hope. One of the things I most enjoyed about writing Leo and Alex’s story was seeing Leo gradually turn away from his past and learn to hope for a better future.
I hope that you enjoy Alex and Leo’s story. I’m always thrilled to hear from readers, and you can contact me via my website: annieclaydon.com (http://www.annieclaydon.com).
Annie x
The Doctor’s Diamond Proposal
Annie Claydon


www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Cursed with a poor sense of direction and a propensity to read, ANNIE CLAYDON spent much of her childhood lost in books. A degree in English Literature followed by a career in computing didn’t lead directly to her perfect job—writing romance for Mills & Boon—but she has no regrets in taking the scenic route. She lives in London: a city where getting lost can be a joy.
Books by Annie Claydon
Mills & Boon Medical Romance
Stranded in His Arms
Rescued by Dr Rafe
Saved by the Single Dad
Snowbound with the Surgeon
Daring to Date Her Ex
The Doctor She’d Never Forget
Discovering Dr Riley
Visit the Author Profile page at millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk/) for more titles.
To my wonderful editor, Nicola Caws.
With grateful thanks for your guiding hand on this journey.
Praise for Annie Claydon (#ue0595be4-75b7-5408-9170-6fc9a6d2e3fa)
‘A compelling, emotional and highly poignant read that I couldn’t bear to put down. Rich in pathos, humour and dramatic intensity, it’s a spellbinding tale about healing old wounds, having the courage to listen to your heart and the power of love that kept me enthralled from beginning to end.’
—Goodreads on Once Upon a Christmas Night...
Contents
Cover (#u169dab76-70d3-5300-9fc2-d5c1851d2fe7)
Back Cover Text (#u68d1452b-f3e5-5874-870f-6b40f3435b2e)
Introduction (#uae1535dd-e5db-5c4e-aae1-3b39fa45e57e)
Dear Reader (#u712a8fa6-763c-5f21-8c69-d52042f7fd99)
Title Page (#uc0f72a75-51c3-5d77-a3f8-a316bb8da71f)
About the Author (#u2a1902ce-ec09-591e-afef-89e89a20e961)
Dedication (#u93f8f02b-f1b0-5801-bb58-f6f013b93de2)
Praise (#uf51035cc-0315-509e-81bb-95c8c412a5db)
CHAPTER ONE (#uf8c6c58c-58f0-5e07-b4bf-ef76dbf5fd13)
CHAPTER TWO (#u9557175a-67e2-542e-b5a8-8462be1af834)
CHAPTER THREE (#u43cd8eb4-cb10-5bad-9a9e-8806e368865d)
CHAPTER FOUR (#uaaba03a0-a97d-5a3f-ab6f-3443b2ace2a6)
CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIFTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIXTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#ue0595be4-75b7-5408-9170-6fc9a6d2e3fa)
Ten years ago...
THE PARTY HAD got off to a slow start, but by eleven o’clock the house was packed with people and Leo Cross was beginning to feel hot and uncomfortable in his costume.
It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Orion Shift was less of a TV show to the six medical students who shared the sprawling house in West London and more of a Friday evening ritual. The one hour in the week that didn’t belong to study, girlfriends or the urgent need for sleep. So what better way to celebrate their third year exam results than decorate the living room with as much tinfoil as they could get their hands on and suspend inflatable planets from the ceiling?
Dressing up as the crew of the interstellar spacecraft Orion Shift had been the next logical step. But a hot summer’s evening wasn’t really the time to be wearing a heavy jacket with a high collar, and Leo was beginning to wish that personal temperature regulation fields really had been invented.
A girl in blue body paint and a leotard sidled up to him. ‘Captain Boone! You look particularly delicious tonight.’
‘Maddie. How are you doing?’
‘You want a Tellurian cocktail?’ Maddie draped her arms around Leo’s shoulders. Clearly she and Pete had been arguing again. It was only a matter of time before the inevitable reconciliation, but at the moment Pete was on the other side of the room taking a great deal of interest in a red-haired girl dressed as a Fractalian hydra and Maddie had clearly decided that she was going to give him a taste of his own medicine.
Leo disentangled himself from Maddie’s grip. ‘No. Thanks, but...’ Just no. If Pete and Maddie wanted to play games that was fine, but Leo knew better than to get involved.
‘Leo...!’ Maddie stuck out her lower lip in a disappointed pout as he retreated quickly through the press of people.
He pushed his way to the kitchen, avoiding the usual group around the beer keg, and slipped outside into the back garden, sighing with relief as the warm breeze brushed his face. The paved space at the back of the house was packed with people, drinking and talking, and Leo made good his escape, dodging across the grass and into the pool of darkness that lay beneath the trees at the end of the garden.
He bumped into something soft and sweet-smelling and saw a flash of silvery-green luminescence. A shadow detached itself from the other shadows and stumbled into a pool of moonlight. It was Lieutenant Tara Xhu to a T.
‘Another fugitive?’ A smile played around her lips.
‘You could say that. So how did you manage to make it out of there?’
Tara—or whatever her real name was—shrugged. ‘I’m not sure. I’ve only watched one episode, and that was to get the costume right, so I don’t really know what Tara’s strategy might be.’ Her mouth twitched suddenly into a flirtatious smile. ‘So you’re Captain Boone?’
Leo’s eyes were beginning to adjust to the darkness and the more they did so, the more he liked what he saw. She was dressed all in black, thick leggings, boots and an off the shoulder top that followed her slim curves and displayed the green scales which spread across Tara’s shoulder. A fair replica of an immobility gun was strapped to her thigh and twisted metallic strands ran round her fingers and across the back of her hands. Her dark hair was streaked with green and anchored in a spiky arrangement on the top of her head with Tara’s silver dagger pins.
Leo had been in love at first sight before, but suddenly the other times didn’t seem anything like the real thing. She raised one jewelled eyebrow and Leo realised that his gaze had been following the path of the scales that ran down the side of her face and neck and disappeared beneath her top.
‘Um... Great costume. Your scales look...really lifelike.’ Captain Thomas Boone would undoubtedly have managed something a bit more urbane, but then he had more experience of the galaxy than Leo.
‘Thanks. Iridescent body paint. I felt a bit of an idiot on the bus, on my way here.’ She grinned at him and moved back towards the old picnic bench which stood under the trees. ‘So are you really escaping something, or do you just want some fresh air?’
‘A bit of both.’ Leo sat down next to her, stretching his legs out in front of him. This replica Tara had a lightness about her movements, a kind of joy about her, which broke through the warlike quality of the real Tara’s appearance. Even though she was sitting a good two feet away from him, Leo could almost feel her warmth.
‘You live here?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then you must be a medical student.’
‘That’s right. Starting year four in a couple of weeks, so this’ll probably be the last party we have for a while.’
‘I hear it’s a tough year. An interesting one, though...’
That was exactly how Leo felt about it. He knew that his clinical attachment was going to be hard work, but he couldn’t wait to start putting all that he’d learned into practice. ‘What do you do?’
She shrugged. ‘Nothing at the moment. I’m just back from a year in Australia.’
‘Yeah? What’s it like?’ All Leo wanted to do right now was sit here in the darkness and listen to her talk.
She laughed. ‘Bit too big to describe in one sentence. I loved it, though.’
Leo imagined that she’d taken every moment of the last year and squeezed the very most out of it, in the same way that she seemed to be draining every drop of potential from these moments. It was infectious.
She was fiddling thoughtfully with the bright silver strands across the back of her hand. ‘Did you always want to do medicine?’
‘Yeah. My uncle’s a doctor, and when I was nine I saw him save someone’s life. That settled it for me, and there’s never been anything else I wanted to do.’
She nodded quietly. ‘So you have a calling. A mission in life.’
Sometimes, poring over his books late at night, it didn’t seem so. But Tara made it all sound like something special.
‘Yeah. Guess I do.’
‘I’m still looking for mine. There are so many possibilities and I don’t think I can settle on just one. So I’m going to be helping out on my dad’s farm for the next year while I think about putting in my university applications.’
‘You’ll find the right thing.’ Leo applied all of the weight of his twenty-one years to the problem. And all of the certainty from the last five minutes, that whatever she decided to do she’d do it wholeheartedly.
‘I suppose I will.’ She seemed to ponder the idea for a moment, then smiled suddenly. ‘Nothing like mucking out to concentrate the mind on your aspirations for the future.’
‘Would you like me to go and get you a drink?’ Leo hoped she’d say yes. That they could continue this conversation alone, out here, rather than going back to the heat and noise of the party.
‘Thanks, but no. I tried one of those blue cocktails and it was too sweet.’ She hesitated, then seemed to come to a decision. ‘That coffee bar around the corner. Think it’ll still be open?’
‘It’s open all night.’ Sweet promise stirred in Leo’s chest.
‘You fancy making a break for it, then?’
* * *
Theirs weren’t the most outlandish costumes amongst the coffee bar’s customers that night, but she had still tugged awkwardly at her green hair and silver jewellery. Leo had laughingly persuaded her to stay just as she was, saying that since he was dressed as a spaceship captain, it was practically expected that his First Lieutenant should be accompanying him.
They’d talked all night, fuelled by coffee and then ham and cheese toasties at three in the morning. At six, she’d refused to allow him to see her all the way home and he’d had to content himself with walking her to the bus stop.
‘May I call you?’ Leo made a silent wish that the bus wouldn’t come just yet.
‘I was hoping you would.’ She smiled at him, reaching into her jacket for her phone and reeling off the number. Leo repeated it over in his head, his fingers shaking unaccountably as he pressed the keys. He hit dial, and her phone chimed. Even her ringtone seemed fresh and full of joy.
‘That’s it.’ She rejected the call and gratifyingly saved his number.
‘Lieutenant Tara.’ Leo grinned, spelling out the words as he typed them into his phone. ‘What’s your real name, though?’
‘Alex...’ She turned as a bus drew up at the stop. ‘This one’s mine. You will call, won’t you...?’
‘Yes.’ Leo wondered whether it would be appropriate to kiss her goodbye and decided that he’d already missed his chance. The night had been perfect as it stood, a meeting of minds that had nothing to do with any alien powers, and when he kissed her he wanted enough time to do it properly. She got onto the bus, pressing her ticket against the reader, and turned to wave at him.
The bus drew away. Calling her now would be too soon. He turned to walk back home, and his phone buzzed.
May we meet in other worlds.
Her text mimicked Tara’s habitual farewell.
And get some sleep.
Leo grinned, texting back his reply, watching until the bus turned a corner and disappeared.
* * *
He called that evening and she didn’t reply. Perhaps she’d decided to have an early night. The next day she didn’t reply either.
Leo counted the number of calls he made, knowing that each one would show up on her phone. Half a dozen was beginning to look a little stalkerish, so he sent a text instead.
No answer. He left it a week and called again, leaving a carefully scripted voicemail and resolving that if she didn’t reply this time he’d take the hint and give up. Clearly, the gorgeous, vivacious Lieutenant Tara had decided that, of all the glittering possibilities she saw ahead of her, he wasn’t one of them. It was time to retreat gracefully and get on with the next chapter of his life.
CHAPTER TWO (#ue0595be4-75b7-5408-9170-6fc9a6d2e3fa)
Time warp to the present day...
ALEXANDRA JACKSON WAS shaking as she walked across the large marble-clad reception area of the hotel. The receptionist gave her directions to the coffee lounge.
‘Oh, and where’s the ladies’ room, please?’ She still had ten minutes to spare, and her heart was beating like a hammer in her chest. She needed to calm down.
‘Through there...’
Alex followed the receptionist’s pointing finger, ending up in a tastefully decorated ante-room that was larger, and rather smarter, than her own lounge. Sitting down, she closed her eyes, concentrating on deep, slow breaths.
Leo Cross. She’d thought about him a lot in the last ten years, certainly more than one night in a coffee bar would warrant. Maybe because of what had happened on her way home. The car that had swerved across the road and hit her, after she’d got off the bus, had changed everything.
Alex had wondered whether, by some chance, he might be one of the unending stream of doctors who stopped by her hospital bed, but he never had. She’d lost her phone and when her parents brought her a new one the number was different. In any case, what would he want with her now?
All the same, the memories of Leo’s slightly awkward charm, the shining passion with which he’d talked about his ambition to become a doctor, had still lingered. Like a touchstone that stayed with her through the long months of convalescence, learning to walk again with a prosthetic leg, leaving home for university... Leo’s commitment, his absolute certainty that he had a calling in life, had spurred her on. If he could do it, then so could she.
She’d hung onto the dream as long as she could, imagining Leo as some kind of white knight, a public health crusader—a starship captain, even. Nothing less would have been enough for Leo. But then she’d been brought back to earth with a bump.
Seven years after the night she’d met him, she saw Leo’s name in the papers. Not believing it could be him, she’d searched the Internet for a picture. And there he was. The newest TV doctor, charming and urbane, who made an appearance at all the right parties. It seemed that the Leo she’d met had lost his ambition to change the world, and cashed in on his melting blue eyes and blond, handsome looks.
She’d thought about contacting him, but what would she say? That she’d held him in her heart for all these years until he became an ideal, rather than a blood and bone man? Perfect was best left where reality couldn’t tarnish it, in dreams and the imagination.
But now Leo Cross had something she wanted.
Alex zipped up her bag and stood, straightening her jacket and smoothing her trousers. He wouldn’t recognise her, nor would he remember. She could start again and pretend he was a completely different person from the one she’d met all those years ago.
* * *
As she walked into the coffee lounge she saw him immediately, sitting in one of the easy chairs grouped around each table. He still took her breath away. His hair was shorter and neater but still gave his face an almost angelic quality, even though the softness around his eyes had gone. He was dressed impeccably, a dark suit with an impossibly crisp white shirt and a subtly patterned, expensive-looking tie.
Everything about him screamed celebrity: the winter tan, the way the waiter knew exactly who he was and where he was sitting when Alex said who she was there to meet. She wondered whether the air of gravitas, lent by the pile of papers on his knee that were currently taking his full attention, was for her benefit and dismissed the thought. She was the one who needed to impress him, not the other way around.
He looked up as she approached, the sudden flash of uncertainty in his eyes giving way to recognition. Then he sprang to his feet, his papers dropping unheeded onto the carpet.
‘Lieutenant Tara!’ His smile was just as melting as it had ever been and the shock of being recognised and suddenly catapulted backwards in time left Alex momentarily at a loss. ‘As I live and breathe... How are you? What have you been up to?’
‘I think you know already. That’s my PR bundle you’ve just dropped on the floor.’
He put two and two together with creditable speed. ‘You’re Alexandra Jackson?’
‘Yes. Only I prefer Alex...’
‘Fewer syllables to contend with?’ Leo’s quiet, understated humour had remained intact, at least. She grinned up at him stupidly, a mixture of pleasure and panic rendering her silent.
‘Did you know it was me?’
It was somehow engaging that he could even entertain the notion that someone could forget his smile. ‘Yes. I didn’t think you’d remember me.’
‘Well, it’s good to see you. I’m afraid I haven’t had a chance to go through all the material you sent yet.’ He bent to pick up the papers, shuffling the disorderly pile and laying it on the table.
She’d read every word of his PR material. Top of his class at medical school, and now practising as a GP in central London. An advanced diploma in counselling, and membership of a long list of professional bodies. Co-hosting a radio phone-in had quickly led to his own show, which aired three evenings a week, and then TV appearances, a couple of bestselling books and patronage of various health initiatives. On its own that was impressive, but if his social life was even half as interesting as the papers would have everyone believe, it was practically superhuman.
‘So...’ He gestured her towards the armchair standing opposite his. ‘Shall we get down to business?’
‘Yes. That would be good.’ That was what she was here for. Not to spend the time gawping at Leo’s smile.
‘Right, then.’ He seemed impatient now to start and Alex dumped her coat and bag onto an empty chair, sitting down quickly. ‘I’d like to be honest with you about why you’re here.’
That would be good. Alex nodded dumbly.
‘Only I need your confirmation that this information will stay confidential. It’ll be public knowledge soon, but I’d prefer it didn’t come from anyone connected with us.’
‘I understand. I won’t say a word.’
‘Thank you.’ His stern look promised all kinds of retribution if she did. ‘As you know 2KZ, the radio station I work for, holds an annual charity spotlight during February. And your charity applied to participate in that.’
‘Yes. We were told before Christmas that our application wasn’t successful.’
‘It wasn’t.’ He paused to let that particular defeat sink in. ‘But the charity we chose has had difficulties. We stuck by them for as long as the allegations were unsubstantiated but, now that they are, we have little choice but to look elsewhere.’
‘And we have another chance?’ Alex wondered which charity it was, and what the allegations were, but Leo’s measured professionalism made it clear that he wasn’t about to divulge that information.
‘We considered abandoning our plans for this year completely, but we feel that a new charity, which we can investigate thoroughly for any sign of irregularity, would be an appropriate fallback position. The format would be slightly different—we’ll be doing informal phone-ins instead of a series of pre-recorded programmes, because of the time factor. Are you still interested?’
Alex swallowed. ‘This is a big project for us and it’ll take a good proportion of our resources if we get involved. Can you tell me how far down the list we were?’ Her feelings about being told that they were second best were irrelevant, even if Leo could have put it a little more tactfully. But she did need to know that 2KZ were interested enough to present her charity properly, and that they weren’t just filling a few spare hours in their programming schedule.
‘No. That would be inappropriate. But I can assure you that we’re fully committed to going ahead with this and that I believe you’re a good fit for the project. And I do need your answer now.’
In other words, she had to trust him. The old Leo would have been a lot easier to trust than this new one. But Alex knew she’d have to be crazy to pass up a chance like this.
‘Yes, we’re interested. Thank you. This is a wonderful opportunity for us.’
He dismissed her gratitude with a practised smile, a flip of his finger bringing a waiter over. ‘Shall we have some tea? The Darjeeling, I think...’ The waiter began to scribble on his pad.
She’d never been here before and had no idea what to order. All the same, Leo had left her to choose for herself at the coffee bar. Alex supposed that it had been a bit more straightforward then—coffee or tea, with or without milk. But it seemed that everything had been a bit more straightforward that night.
‘That sounds nice. But I’d prefer Lady Grey if they have it.’
The ghost of a smile flickered around his lips. ‘Lady Grey it is.’ He looked up at the waiter. ‘A pot for two, please.’
‘Sandwiches or cakes, sir?’ The waiter’s gaze turned to Alex as Leo deflected the question her way.
‘No, thank you. Not for me.’ Dealing with Leo was taking all of her concentration. She wasn’t sure she could manage cake crumbs as well.
Leo was shuffling through the papers in front of him on the table. ‘Right. So your charity is called Together Our Way?’
‘Yes.’
‘No acronyms? Something a bit more snappy?’
‘No.’ Defiance bloomed suddenly in her chest. If they were going to do this, she was going to have to learn to stand up to Leo’s steamroller tactics. ‘We like to be referred to by our full name because it’s the way we do things.’
‘Yeah, I got that. And you’re...’ He caught a sheet from the pile which Alex recognised as her own CV. ‘A qualified physiotherapist, and you founded Together Our Way to help young people with disabilities participate in sport.’
‘Yes. I’ve brought some photographs with me that I think best show...’
‘Later, maybe. I’d like to ask a bit about how the charity’s run first.’ He didn’t even look at the pile of photos that Alex had pulled from her bag. ‘From what I can see here, you’re managing on a shoestring. You work three days a week as a physiotherapist and you don’t take a salary from the charity. And you just have one part-time paid employee, who called me back yesterday to arrange this meeting. From what Rhona says, she seems to be doing rather more than I’d normally expect from a part-timer.’
‘When people give us money, they want to see it spent on our core aims, not our running costs. We have an arrangement with Rhona that suits us both—she has family commitments and we give her very flexible working hours, and in return she’s very committed to us. And we have a network of very enthusiastic supporters.’ Alex had photographs of them as well, but she doubted that Leo would want to see them.
He nodded. ‘And you have your own office?’
‘Yes. It’s a loft room. The law firm that owns the building wasn’t using it and they let us have it free of charge.’
‘That’s good of them. And what do you do for them in return?’ His eyes seemed to bore into her, both tempting and cajoling at the same time.
‘The senior partner’s son takes part in one of our training programmes.’
‘And this boy—he fulfils your standard criteria for this service?’
Anger seized hold of her. Alex knew the exact position of the photograph in the pile, and she snatched it out, dropping it onto the table in front of Leo. ‘He was born without the lower part of both legs. Like most five-year-olds, he loves running and playing football. His name is Sam.’
Leo glanced down at the photograph, his face suddenly softening. As he reached out to touch it with his fingertips, Alex saw the melting blue eyes of the young man she’d once met.
‘It looks as if Sam’s pretty good with that ball.’
‘He is. What he doesn’t have in speed, he makes up for with tactics.’
‘Well, I hope I’ll get a chance to see him play.’ It was just a glimpse of compassion—a brief acknowledgement that Leo really did understand what Together Our Way was all about. But it was enough to stop Alex from giving up on him completely and putting her involvement in this project up for review.
And then the moment was gone. The tea arrived, and Leo took that as a cue to resume his questioning. The way the charity was run. Exactly what they spent their money on. How many volunteers they had, how they dealt with Health and Safety. He was nothing if not thorough and, although Alex struggled to keep up with him, he seemed content with her answers.
‘And now that I know all about you—’ his smile became melting again ‘—it brings me to the question of 2KZ’s planned involvement.’
* * *
Maybe he’d been a little hard on her. There was actually no maybe about it, but Alex hadn’t let him walk all over her and Leo respected that. And the delicious surprise of seeing her again...
Had been shockingly tempered when he realised that she had been through so much in the last ten years. An accident, losing her leg. But she’d turned that around. And, out of respect for her, he’d concentrated on her achievements.
If it had been anyone else, he would have allowed the personal to oil the wheels of the professional. But Alex clearly didn’t want to put their relationship on that level. She hadn’t called him back ten years ago. And even though she’d known it was him, she’d left it to her assistant to call him and arrange this meeting. Leo wasn’t prone to holding grudges, but that looked like a pretty definite expression of intent.
He’d reacted like an iceman, shrinking from a flame. Ill-prepared, because of an emergency with one of the patients at his GP’s surgery, he’d asked the questions he needed to ask and kept his feelings to himself.
And his feelings weren’t a part of this equation. If Together Our Way was slightly amateurish in its approach, its heart was quite definitely in the right place. It was an organisation that his show could make a big difference to, and Leo seldom turned down a challenge.
‘As I said, the spotlight we’re proposing is a little different from the one first offered.’ This was the sticking point. ‘The intention now is that I’ll be hosting a representative from Together Our Way as a guest on my medical phone-in show, once a week during the whole of February. I’m assuming that it will be you?’
Panic flared in her eyes, and Leo felt another little piece of him melt in response. Clearly the idea that she’d be talking live on the radio hadn’t registered with Alex the first time he’d mentioned it.
But she rallied beautifully. ‘Yes. It’ll be me.’
‘I’m trying to get some ten or fifteen minute slots on our Community Affairs programme in addition to that. That’ll involve me spending some time with you, and seeing your work first-hand. I assume you have no objections to that?’
‘We’d welcome it. What do you have in mind?’
‘I’ll be making reports, and probably writing a few articles for our website. And there’ll be an outside broadcast...’ He fell silent. He could see from her face that Alex had an issue with that, and he waited for her to put it into words.
‘Would you be happy to fit in with our way of doing things? Our first priority is the young people we serve, and if we needed to change that emphasis to accommodate you we’d have some difficulty.’
She’d have no difficulty in changing; she just wasn’t prepared to do it. Good for her. ‘We’d be there to observe. Low-profile isn’t my usual approach, so I’ll be giving those muscles a little much-needed exercise.’
Her pursed lips reminded him of a severe version of a kiss. ‘That’s part of what we do. Help exercise under-used muscles.’
‘We’ll stay flexible, then.’ He imagined that Alex was just as used to acting on her own initiative as he was, and that might be interesting. Even so, it was time to flex the muscles he did use regularly and remind her who was in charge of this project.
‘2KZ has broadcast to the whole of London for more than thirty years now. Interviews with young people appeal to our listeners and we know how to do them appropriately and with all the necessary safeguards and permissions. We give our listeners what they want, and outside broadcasts are very good for ratings.’
Another disapproving look. Maybe he needed to mention that ratings weren’t just a number on a spreadsheet; they represented hearts and minds. She might deal in hearts and minds but she couldn’t reach them without his domination of the ratings lists.
Despite all that disapproval, she came to the right decision. ‘That sounds excellent. As long as our young people are properly supported and safeguarded, I think an outside broadcast would certainly be something we’d be keen to do.’
‘Good. Anything else?’
‘Yes, would you mind if we featured the spotlight on our website?’
‘We’d welcome it. We can provide you with artwork if that’s of any help. I’ll have our in-house designer get in touch with... You have a web designer?’
‘That’s me, actually.’ She shrugged. ‘I’m afraid it’s not very professional. One of those standard template designs...’
He’d looked at her website briefly and had been very favourably impressed. ‘If you like, I can set up a call with our designer. She’s got a lot of experience with liaising with other organisations we partner with, and a conversation might be helpful.’
‘Thank you. I’d be grateful for any suggestions she has.’ Alex paused, squeezing her hands together. She seemed to have something else on her mind.
‘If there are any other issues, now’s the time to raise them. We have a very tight schedule on this.’
‘I’ve never been on the radio before...’ And she was clearly terrified at the prospect.
‘That’s what I’m there for. I ask a few questions, to steer things in the right direction, and step in when you dry up...’ He couldn’t help smiling when Alex’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Everyone dries up first time. It’s expected.’
‘Right. I’ll try not to do it too much.’
‘Be yourself. Don’t think about it too much; just say what you want to say. There’s a seven second broadcast delay, which allows us to catch anything too bad before it airs. It’s supposed to be so that we can cut any profanity, but it works pretty well if you suddenly find you’ve forgotten what you were about to say.’
‘I won’t forget. This is really important to me, and I want to do it well.’
Leo nodded, taking a sip of his tea. ‘That’s exactly what I wanted to hear. Hold that thought and you’ll be fine.’
* * *
He seemed to have loosened up a bit, which was good, because the giddy chicane of Leo’s questioning, and his efficient, autocratic way of doing things, had left her almost weak with exhaustion. He took a thick card from his jacket pocket and handed it to her.
‘Here’s my number. I dare say that our PR department will be bombarding you with all kinds of details that don’t really matter. If you want to cut through all of that, give me a call.’
Alex looked at the card. It was printed with Leo’s name and a mobile phone number. She’d never met anyone who had personal calling cards before. ‘Thank you. But I don’t want to bother you...’
‘You won’t be. It’s always better to sort things out direct, and we don’t have any time for messing about.’ His gaze raked her face but he said nothing more. Perhaps he’d called her, ten years ago. Maybe she should explain why she hadn’t called back, but Alex couldn’t think of a tactful way to approach that conversation.
‘Yes. Thank you. Can I give you my number?’ Alex rummaged in her bag and found the box of cards with the charity’s contact details, scribbling her own name and mobile number on the back and handing it to him.
‘Thank you.’ He glanced at the card and put it in his pocket, seeming to relax a little now that the business of the afternoon had been despatched. ‘It’s good to see you again, Alex. If I’d known it was you, I’d have come in costume...’
‘Then I’d have had to do the same.’
His lips twitched into a smile. Pure, seductive charm, which rushed straight to her head. ‘That would have been the one and only thing which would have persuaded me to leave home looking so outrageously foolish.’
Alex had rather liked outrageously foolish. Clearly Leo didn’t any more.
‘It’s just as well you didn’t know, then.’
She grabbed her bag, wondering if she was supposed to leave now, and he stood immediately. Leo was done with her now, and about to move on to the next thing on his agenda.
It wasn’t until she was walking away that Alex realised that there was one thing he hadn’t asked, one thing he hadn’t done. Her CV stated quite clearly that losing the lower part of her right leg in a car accident and her subsequent rehabilitation had inspired her to study physiotherapy and then to found Together Our Way. But, even though his questions had been searching and thorough, he hadn’t brought the subject up, nor had his eyes wandered to where the prosthesis was hidden beneath the fabric of her trousers.
She should be pleased. Alex sometimes had to struggle to get people to see past her accident and the loss of her leg, and that was exactly what Leo had done. It was chastening, though. He might have remembered her, but it seemed he cared so little about her that he hadn’t even mentioned it.
* * *
Leo watched her go, wondering if the tremble of his limbs was some kind of delayed shock. The last time she’d walked away from him, he hadn’t seen her for another ten years. He had no doubt that this time would be different, but he still couldn’t help feeling that he wanted to call after her.
But running after Alex was a very bad idea. She was committed and clever, and the amount she’d achieved in the last ten years was nothing short of extraordinary. When she smiled at him the warmth in her eyes was mesmerising, reflecting all the possibilities that he no longer had it in his heart to believe in. Ten years ago, he’d been as much in love with her as it was possible to be after only one night together, but now love wasn’t on his agenda.
The memory of the night they’d met, the dizzy rush of blood to his head, the tingle as all his senses went into overdrive, almost overwhelmed him. But all that was in the past. He just couldn’t contemplate a relationship, that bond that required his full commitment, his full attention.
He looked at his watch and signalled to the waiter for the bill. He’d have to leave now, if he wasn’t going to be late for his next appointment.
Leo stood, stretching his limbs. There really was no choice about this. If he pulled out, then 2KZ had no other suitable applicants who could respond at such short notice. If she pulled out, then Together Our Way would lose a golden opportunity to increase public awareness about their work. And if his association with Alex didn’t look as if it was going to be all plain sailing, then he’d deal with that as it happened.
CHAPTER THREE (#ue0595be4-75b7-5408-9170-6fc9a6d2e3fa)
LEO KEPT HIS PROMISES. A letter, confirming what they’d discussed, arrived at her office the next morning. When the negotiations over the outside broadcast had stalled, he had called and spoken to Alex about it, then gone away and sorted the whole thing out within ten minutes. He was perceptive, intelligent and he made things happen.
She listened to his radio show without fail, telling herself that the sound of Leo’s voice was an incidental pleasure and that preparing herself for what was to come was the real object. The on-air version of Leo was slightly different from the one she’d met, still astute and probing but not so confrontational, his gentle charm putting people at ease and encouraging them to talk.
Afraid to trust in either the public face or the private one, she left most of the liaison to Rhona, picking up her normal duties in return. Two weeks, a week—and then there was no avoiding it. Everything was arranged, and the following Monday saw the first of her guest appearances on the Dr Leo Cross medical phone-in show.
Alex had arrived at the radio station at six, two hours before the show was due to start. Half an hour had been taken up with a short induction from one of the production assistants, and then she’d been taken to an empty studio to have a look around. Leo was due to arrive at seven, but Alex was reliably informed that he was always late.
‘What are you reading?’ She’d given up looking at her watch and was sitting alone in the restroom, trying to read, when she heard Leo’s voice.
‘Oh... It’s the latest thing apparently, for teenagers.’ She tilted the cover towards him and he nodded. ‘I like to keep up. It’s actually pretty good.’
He smiled, and suddenly warmth zinged in the air between them. He was dressed in jeans and a dark blue sweater that looked far too soft to be anything other than cashmere. However hard Alex tried to look at him dispassionately, he still took her breath away.
He slung a leather jacket down onto a chair and sat down. ‘How are you feeling? Nervous?’
Sick with nerves. That must be probably pretty obvious. ‘A little...’
‘You’ll be fine. Once we get started, the hour will go too fast and you’ll be wanting more time.’ He was leaning towards her, his elbows on his knees. This was clearly Leo’s pep talk for beginners and, strangely, it seemed to be working. Now that the dreaded time had come, and he was here, she felt better about everything.
‘So... What are we going to say?’
Leo shrugged. ‘No idea. I’ll introduce you, we’ll take a few calls and we’ll talk. That’s the thing about phone-in radio—there’s no script.’
‘You like that? The uncertainty?’
He grinned. ‘Yeah. Keeps me on my toes. You’ll be just great, trust me. And if you’re not, then I’ll just interrupt and steer things back on course.’
‘Right. Thanks.’ She’d rather be just great, and not need Leo to save the day. But then that might be a bit too much to ask on her first time.
The door burst open and Alex jumped as the production assistant who’d showed her around popped her head around the door. ‘Leo... Fifteen minutes.’
‘Okay, thanks. We’re ready.’ He turned to Alex as the door closed again. ‘Just relax. It’s a conversation between you and me. Concentrate on that, and the one person out there who’s listening.’
‘One person?’
‘Yeah. Just visualise someone you know, and talk to them. You’ll be surprised how well that works.’
‘I’ll try.’ Alex wondered who Leo visualised. Maybe he’d been doing this long enough not to need anyone. ‘Was it this nerve-racking for you? Your first time?’
He shook his head. ‘Nah. I didn’t have any nerves left to be racked. I was so numb with fear that you could have knocked me over the head with a brick and I probably wouldn’t have noticed. And I wasn’t tipped in at the deep end, like you. I’d been volunteering on a student helpline for years, and done some spots on local radio in connection with that.’
‘That must have been pretty tough. Manning a helpline at the same time as you were studying and working at the hospital.’ Leo hadn’t said anything about a helpline ten years ago, and Alex had thought they’d talked about almost everything in their lives.
‘It was something that meant a lot to me. You make time for the things that are important.’ His face seemed to harden a little, as if the memory was difficult.
‘And you’ve stayed here. Even though you’re on TV now.’ It seemed a little odd that he should hang on to this, when he obviously had other opportunities. Leo didn’t seem the type for sentimentality.
‘Yeah. I like talking to people.’ He shook his head, as if to clear it, and then grinned. ‘You’ll see.’
He ushered her through to the studio, giving her time to get settled. The producer hurried in, putting a few sheets of paper in front of him, and then the call for silence and the ‘On-Air’ light glowed red.
She hardly heard the music that heralded the start of the show, hardly saw what was going on around her. Then she felt Leo’s fingers brush the back of her hand. His gaze caught hers and he smiled, then started the introduction.
‘And tonight I have Alex Jackson with me. She’s the founder of Together Our Way, a charity which helps young people with all kinds of disabilities participate in sport...’ He glanced down at the paper the producer had put in front of him and frowned suddenly. ‘Alex is going to be on the line with me here, and so if you’ve got any questions for her then you know the number to call...’
The jingle for the phone number started to play and Leo took the opportunity to scrunch up the paper in front of him, tossing it towards the control room. It bounced off the glass and dropped to the floor and then suddenly, seamlessly, Leo was talking again.
‘To start us all off, I’m going to ask Alex a few questions about Together Our Way. And, just in case anyone accuses me of monopolising her time here, she will be right here with me every Monday for the next four weeks, as part of our Charity Partnership Project...’
Suddenly his gaze was on her. The smile on his lips, the look in his eyes, said that he was talking just to her. ‘Alex, how long since you founded your charity...?’
He’d given her an easy one to start with. ‘Five years.’
‘And in that time you’ve made yourselves felt. How many sports fixtures are you planning next month?’
‘We have eight. But our own sports meetings are just the tip of the iceberg. We’ve been working with schools and clubs, advising them on how their sport can be fully inclusive, and we’ve developed a training day for group leaders. Mostly, though, we work with the young people themselves, to help...’
Suddenly, her mind went blank.
‘I imagine that there’s a bit of confidence-building to be done.’ Leo’s eyes were suddenly warm and soothing, dark as a blue Mediterranean sea.
‘Yes, that’s right. Many of our young people need assistance with special equipment or training, but it’s also a matter of showing everyone what’s possible.’
‘So you’re out to capture hearts and minds?’ Somehow, he made it seem as if it was his heart and his mind that were the ones in question and that they were just waiting to be captured.
‘Yes. I think that’s the aim of any charity, isn’t it? Money’s vital to us, of course, because we couldn’t do what we do without it. But hearts and minds are just as important.’
‘And I see that the charity’s run on a shoestring, so all the donations you receive go straight into your work.’
He was feeding her lines, bringing up all the points that Alex wanted to highlight. She smiled a thank you. ‘Yes, that’s right...’
* * *
Alex felt as if she’d run a marathon. It had only been an hour, but she was exhausted, her heart thumping in her chest. All the same, Leo had been right. She was eager for more, and had been disappointed when he’d announced that this was all they had time for tonight and handed over to the next presenter.
‘Did we speak to everyone?’ Leo had said that there were callers waiting but Alex had been unable to gauge how many, or whether they’d been able to speak to them all.
‘There are always people who don’t get through. Some of them try again.’ Now that they were off-air, Leo seemed suddenly more guarded.
‘But... They may be in trouble. They might need someone to talk to...’
‘Yeah, a lot of them do. We have procedures to deal with that. You needn’t worry about that side of things.’
She couldn’t—wouldn’t—let him give her the brush-off like this. ‘I’m... I’m sorry Leo, but that’s not the answer I’d hoped for.’
Alex was expecting some kind of reaction; Leo clearly wasn’t used to being challenged by anyone around here. But she hadn’t expected a smile.
‘What answer were you hoping for, then?’
She took a deep breath. ‘That there’s some way that I could get back to the people who didn’t get through.’
He leaned forward, flipping a switch on the console in front of him. Alex’s headphones went dead and she realised that, even though the sound engineer in the control room seemed to be paying no attention to it, their conversation could be overheard. She slipped the headset off and laid it down.
‘The call-handlers take names and numbers from everyone, and they always ask what the caller wants to say.’
‘And they make a note of that?’
‘Yes, they do. And they pass the list on to me.’ That seemed to be the end of it as far as Leo was concerned. He was the trustworthy one, the one who got things done, and he was ready to steamroller over anyone who questioned him.
Maybe she’d deserved it. Maybe he had called her all those years ago, and he still remembered that she hadn’t called him back.
‘Look, Leo. I think there’s something... We need to clear something up.’
‘What would that be?’
He gave so little. It was questions all the way with Leo, and she was starting to wonder whether he wasn’t hiding behind them.
‘Did you call me after the party?’ Alex wondered how he’d like a taste of his own medicine, and answered his question with one of her own.
He seemed surprised. ‘I’m not sure I remember.’
‘Why don’t you try?’ If this issue was getting in the way of the work she was committed to now, she wanted an answer.
‘I said I would.’ His slight shrug seemed designed to imply that it really didn’t matter all that much to him. ‘But that’s the way it works. It’s a lady’s privilege not to call back.’
He flashed her his most charming, roguish smile. That alone probably made the chances of any woman not calling him back extremely slim. Or maybe it was just Leo’s way of changing the subject.
‘Since you won’t give me a straight answer, I’ll assume that you did call. And I’ve been wanting to tell you that I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you, but I really couldn’t. Something happened on the way home and...it was impossible.’
She had his full attention now. Leo couldn’t hide the surprise in his eyes. ‘What happened?’
‘I...’ Alex gulped. It was all such a long time ago now and it ought to be irrelevant, but it wasn’t. A rap sounded on the glass that separated them from the control room and she jumped.
‘I’m sorry.’ Leo snapped suddenly into professional mode. ‘The producer’s here, and I need to have a word with him. Would you mind waiting?’
Alex nodded and he swung to his feet, striding to the door and closing it behind him. He reappeared on the other side of the glass, where a man was waiting for him.
Leo’s back was turned to her but the man was glancing at her, even though Leo was obviously talking to him. Curiosity got the better of Alex and she reached for her headphones, flipping the switch that she now knew controlled the sound between the control room and the studio.
‘It’s not acceptable, Justin.’ Leo’s voice rang in her ears.
‘I really don’t see what the problem is...’ Alex saw Justin spread his hands in a gesture of puzzlement.
‘Well, there isn’t any problem because I’m not going to do it. I won’t introduce Alex Jackson as a disabled person. She has a disability, and she’s open about that, but I’m not going to read out an introduction that makes it seem as if it’s the most important thing about her. She’s here to talk about her charity, which, by the way, is all about encouraging young people to see past their disabilities. And educating others to do that too.’
Alex’s gaze moved to the screwed up ball of paper on the floor, which Leo had tossed at the glass. He’d moved past it so smoothly that she’d hardly realised he had a problem with it.
‘Okay...okay.’ Justin’s tone was conciliatory. ‘It was an error of emphasis, I’ll grant you that. No harm done, though...’
‘Only because I didn’t read the introduction out. I want to hear all the trailers for the show, because I don’t want Alex or her charity misrepresented.’
This was almost too much. Leo was fighting her corner without being asked, but just knowing how she’d feel. A thrill of warmth for him clutched at her heart and Alex wondered whether she should go and retrieve the paper, to see what had been written. But then she’d have to take the headphones off, and she wanted to hear this.
‘We’ll email the sound files through to you. Anything else?’
‘No. I’m grateful you’re addressing the issue with your customary effectiveness.’ Leo’s tone had relaxed into lazy charm. ‘Actually, there is one more thing. Thanks for all you did to help make this evening happen. It’s been a good night.’
Justin seemed to heave a sigh of relief. ‘Yep. Nice chemistry in there, Leo. And the caller rate went through the roof...’ Justin’s gaze flipped towards Alex and Leo turned. When he saw her, his lip curled imperceptibly.
She reddened and took off the headphones, putting them back onto the console. Perhaps he’d think she was just trying them on.
Leo had followed Justin out of the control room and when he appeared at the door of the studio again he was holding a manila envelope.
‘Your car’s waiting.’
And he thought he was going to slip away now? ‘No, Leo. I’m not going anywhere until we finish...what we were talking about.’
‘I thought I’d catch a lift with you. The car’s a lot more private.’ He walked across to the console and, too late, Alex realised that she’d forgotten to cut the sound in between the control room and the studio, and that voices were whispering out of the headphones.
He reached out, switching the sound off again. Then he turned, leaving Alex to grab her coat and handbag and follow him out of the studio.
* * *
Leo wondered whether letting sleeping dogs lie was the best option. It probably was, but he knew that wasn’t what he was going to do. Not many people questioned his decisions and, while it came as no surprise that Alex bucked that trend, it was unexpectedly like a breath of fresh air.
She settled herself on the wide leather seat in the back of the car, and Leo got in beside her. The driver confirmed the address with her and the car slid smoothly out onto the road.
‘This is nice.’ She stretched her legs out in front of her, smiling. Clearly she was attempting to disarm him before she started on the next onslaught. He wondered briefly if she knew how much damage her smile could do to a man.
The lights from the street outside were sliding across her face, giving it an almost ethereal quality and it was an effort to stop himself from staring at her. Alex was even more perfect than when he’d first met her. Or maybe he’d just become more of a connoisseur of perfection and learned how to appreciate it better.
He pressed the control button and the glass partition behind the driver’s seat slid upwards. Not that the driver probably cared two hoots about their conversation, but the gesture wasn’t lost on Alex and her cheeks reddened.
‘What happened?’ It was probably something stupid—she’d lost her phone or met an old boyfriend on the bus. But Leo had learned the hard way that hoping for the best didn’t always mean that the best was going to happen. He had to be sure.
She ignored the question. That usually annoyed him, but Alex did it so blatantly that the assertive twist of her mouth was enchanting.
‘I want to thank you. For standing up for me... I mean the charity. And our aims.’
‘That’s what a good host does.’
‘I know. But it doesn’t always happen, and... Thank you. You’re a very good host.’
People said that all the time, but on her lips the compliment warmed him. Despite that, he still hadn’t forgotten what he wanted to ask her...
‘What happened? On your way home.’
‘I had an accident. I lost my phone.’
‘What kind of accident?’ Something tingled at the back of Leo’s neck. That instinct, honed over years of listening to people, told him that whatever she was about to say next was important.
‘I got off the bus and crossed the road...’ She paused for a moment, as if the memory was a difficult one.
Leo was trying not to put two and two together and make four. Hoping that the almost inevitable conclusion wasn’t the right one, this time.
‘And...?’
‘I was knocked over by a car. Drunk driver. I woke up in hospital and my phone was... I don’t know where it was. It was gone.’
A great wave of horror seemed suspended above his head, just waiting to crash down on him. ‘This was...’ He couldn’t even say it. His finger twitched, gesturing towards her right leg.
‘Yes. My right foot and the lower part of my leg were completely crushed. The only way I’d ever be able to walk again, or be pain free, was for them to amputate below the knee.’
The full horror of it washed over him in a suffocating wall of guilt and remorse. ‘Alex... I’m so sorry. If I’d known...’
‘You couldn’t have known.’
All he could think about was the trail of small events which had ended in this one great one. If he’d only done just one thing differently...
‘I should have seen you home.’ He remembered that he’d offered and that she’d told him no. If only he’d insisted. If they’d even just argued about it, and she’d missed her bus and had to wait for the next one...
‘What would you have done? There were witnesses and they said that the car swerved right across the road and hit me. There was no getting out of the way.’
‘I might have helped...somehow.’ Anyhow. If all he could have done was just hold her hand, then he would have done it with every ounce of his strength. But he hadn’t been there for Alex, and then six months later he hadn’t been there for his brother either. The thought seemed to be literally eating at him, taking great chunks of his flesh and leaving him quivering with shock.
Her gaze searched his face. ‘You would have put me back together again? That was beyond anyone.’
He couldn’t answer. Didn’t have words to tell her how sorry he was—for all she’d been through, and for his part in it.
‘Do me a favour, eh?’ Her voice was soft and he felt her fingers brush his arm. Clawing him back from the memories that swirled in his head.
‘Yeah?’ Anything.
‘I’ve given up on the what if because the past can’t be changed. I prefer to concentrate on what is.’ She shot him an imploring look. ‘Please...’
It was an effort to smile, but if Alex could do it so could he. ‘You’ve got it.’
There was one thing he could do. The only thing that made him feel any better about having let his brother down were the people he could help now. Leo guarded that role jealously, never letting anyone else get in the way, and no one ever asked about the call-backs that he made after each show. But Alex had.
He slid the manila envelope across the seat towards her.
‘What’s this?’ She touched it lightly with her fingers, seeming to know that it was something important.
‘It’s the list of people who didn’t get through to the show. Names, numbers and I ask the call-handlers to find out whether they would like a return call if they don’t get through.’
‘And you were going to tell me about this?’ She narrowed her eyes.
‘I don’t usually volunteer the information. But you did ask.’ The envelope lay between them, Alex’s fingers at one end of it and his at the other. As if neither of them could quite bring themselves to let go.
‘So...when were you thinking of calling back?’
‘The call-handlers have told everyone that it’ll be tomorrow, late afternoon. I have a surgery in the morning but I’m usually finished by about three o’clock.’
She nodded. ‘If you want a hand... Actually, I think I’m going to insist on helping.’
He felt his lips curl into a smile. ‘You’re free tomorrow afternoon?’
‘Yes. I usually work Wednesday to Friday at the hospital, but I’m taking some time off over the next few weeks. I can be available any time.’
He was suddenly almost breathless. It was as if they were making a tryst. More than that, because this would require his full attention.
‘You’ll be at your office? I can come to you, and we’ll go through the list together.’
‘That sounds good. Although you might like to bring a scarf. The heating’s on the blink again.’
‘Sounds delightful. I’ll be there at about half past three.’ He pushed the envelope another inch towards her. There was a copy back at the radio station, but it still felt difficult to give it up. ‘You take this. But don’t call anyone until I get there...’
She grinned, stowing the envelope in her bag. ‘I imagine they’ve been told that they’ll be hearing from you, not me. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.’
Before he got the chance to change his mind, the car drew up outside a block of solidly built flats, set back from the road behind a curving drive. Leo made to get out and she laid her hand on his arm.
‘I think I can make it on my own.’
She knew just what he’d been thinking, and Leo jumped guiltily. He’d made the promise, but it still wasn’t easy to stop thinking about all the things that might happen to her in between here and her front door. ‘I dare say you can. But...’
Alex chuckled. ‘I know. A gentleman always sees a lady to her door.’ She got out of the car, bending down before closing the door. ‘I’m no lady. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Leo begged to disagree. He watched her as she smiled at the driver, giving him a wave and a nod of thanks. She was every inch a lady.
‘Wait...’ The instruction was unnecessary, as their driver seemed as unwilling to go before Alex was safely inside as he was. She opened the main door and then turned, flapping her hand as if to shoo them away, and, without any reference to him at all, the car pulled out onto the road.
* * *
Leo kicked the door closed behind him. The car had retraced its route, driving back into town to the flat that he kept for weekdays, ten minutes’ walk from the radio station.
The flat was quiet and dark, shadows slanting across the floor. He fixed himself a drink and, without taking his coat off, slid back the large windows and walked out onto the roof terrace, set seventeen floors above the ground and commanding a view across practically the whole of London. Alex was out there somewhere. One of the lights shimmering in the distance was hers.
He moved closer to the glass barriers which stood at the perimeter of the terrace and a gust of chilly air hit him full in the face. Leo shivered. He had no right to wonder what she was doing, or to wish that he could be doing it with her.
Leo Cross. Never there when you needed him.
He hadn’t been there for Alex. To the extent that he hadn’t even known that she’d needed him. But he’d known that his brother needed him. He’d known that Joel was under stress, that his first job after university hadn’t turned out quite the way he’d wanted it, but Joel had seemed a lot better, and promised Leo that he was handling it. Leo had returned from a weekend away to find that his brother hadn’t been handling it at all.
His father had been waiting for him, gently breaking the news that they’d lost Joel. An overdose of prescription drugs. Maybe it had been a mistake.
Leo had doubted that. Joel was his twin, and he knew him almost better than he knew himself. And when he’d finally been able to get a couple of moments alone he’d found the missed calls on his phone. Joel had called him on that Saturday evening.
The brothers used to joke about missed calls. Once meant: I’ll catch you later. Twice: Call me back. Three times: Call me back now. The five missed calls on Leo’s phone had spoken to him loud and clear. I’m in trouble. I need you, Leo...
He pulled his phone from his pocket, scanning it. There was a text from his mother, saying she’d heard the show tonight, and automatically he hit speed dial.
‘Hi, Mum...’ Leo smiled into the phone, knowing that even if it was forced, the smile would sound in his voice. ‘How are you doing?’
‘Oh, darling! Exhausted. I went shopping with Marjorie today...’
‘Yeah? Find anything nice?’
‘Of course we did. You know Marjorie. I heard the programme tonight.’
His mother could always be relied on to give him an honest assessment of his performance. ‘What did you think?’
‘Good. Very good. I was very impressed by that young woman...’
‘Alex?’
‘Yes. She sounds as if she’s a force to be reckoned with.’
‘She is. She’s very committed.’
‘That came over. And she sounds nice with it.’
‘Yeah. She’s nice too.’ Leo took a sip of his Scotch.
‘Pretty?’
‘No. More beautiful, I’d say.’ Leo chuckled. His mother’s wish to see him settled down with a nice girl, preferably one he hadn’t met at some glitzy party, was never all that far from the surface.
‘That’s nice. And she’ll be back next week, will she?’
‘You were listening, then...’ Leo laughed as his mother protested. He knew well enough that she always listened. ‘In which case you’ll know that we’re holding quite a few events over the next couple of weeks.’
‘Well, I hope you enjoy them. What’s that funny noise...?’
‘Wind, probably. I’m on the terrace.’
‘What on earth for? You’ll catch your death of cold...’
‘I just wanted to clear my head. I’m going inside now.’
Leo had accepted that, faced with the loss of one son, his mother could be a little over-protective about the remaining one. The least he could do was go along with it; there was little enough else he could do to ease his parents’ agony. Apart from keeping quiet about the five missed calls. If his parents wanted to believe that Joel’s death had been some kind of horrendous accident then he couldn’t rip that shred of comfort away from them.
He slid the balcony doors closed with a bump and threw himself down onto the sofa.
‘You sound tired, darling.’
‘Long day. I’m about ready to turn in now.’
‘Well, don’t let me stop you. Goodnight.’
‘Yeah. Speak soon, Mum.’
Leo ended the call, staring for a moment at the screen of his phone. Joel’s number was still on there, transferred from one phone to another, over the years. It was stupid, really, but it reminded him why he did what he did. Why the radio show was so important to him. He hadn’t been around to help Joel, and the only thing that made that agony a little easier to bear was the hope that maybe, as a result of something he’d done, there was another family out there who hadn’t had to grieve the way his had.
And now Alex. He’d let her down, as surely as he’d let Joel down. But there was one very big difference. There was no possibility of going back and helping Joel. But Alex... She had a future, and he could do something to change that.
Putting his glass down on the small table beside the sofa, he walked into the bedroom, picking up the key to the gym downstairs. Hard physical work would calm his mind and help him think straight. And he needed some ideas about how exactly he was going to make things up to Alex.
CHAPTER FOUR (#ue0595be4-75b7-5408-9170-6fc9a6d2e3fa)
DESPITE HAVING VOWED that Leo was going to have to take the office as he found it, Alex had been working hard since lunchtime, tidying and vacuuming the small space, cleaning the windows and putting the two most comfortable chairs on either side of her desk. Rhona was working at home today and she had the place to herself.
Her thick sweater and sheepskin boots were just about keeping the cold at bay, but she couldn’t expect Leo to freeze. When she left the office door open, some of the heat from downstairs percolated upwards and the electric heater in the corner was making some difference. By four o’clock it might be warm enough to think about taking her scarf off.
Finally, she put the envelope on her desk, still sealed. She’d wanted to look inside, but wanted even more to show Leo that she understood that he’d trusted her, and that she’d taken that seriously. Sitting down, she surveyed her handiwork. The place didn’t look too bad at all. Apart from Rhona’s mug... Alex got to her feet, grabbing the mug from the tray and hiding it in her desk drawer. Leo didn’t need to come face to face with a row of stick figures demonstrating the fourteen most popular positions from the Kama Sutra.
‘You call this accessible?’ He appeared suddenly in the doorway, tall and lean, dressed in jeans and a heavy sweater under his jacket.
‘No. We call it cheap.’ She returned his grin. He must have walked straight past the receptionist downstairs, found his way to the lift and then up the flight of narrow stairs on his own. Breezing in as if he owned the place seemed to come as second nature to Leo.
‘I brought provisions.’ He set a brown paper carrier bag down on the desk.
Alex peered into the bag and drew out a large polystyrene container, peeling back the lid. ‘Don’t tell me you made this yourself.’
He chuckled. ‘What do you think I am? Of course I didn’t; I stopped off at a place I know.’
‘Who just happen to do the best French onion soup in town?’ It smelled gorgeous.
‘Debatable. They’re in the running, but tell me what you think.’
She fetched paper napkins for the crusty, fresh baked bread and Leo tore open the manila envelope. They reviewed the list while they ate.
‘That’s a good question...’ She tapped the paper with her finger. ‘I should have said a bit more about how we weight our races so that everyone has a fair chance.’
‘He’s a regular caller. I’d be surprised if he doesn’t call again next Monday; I’ll let the call-handlers know we want to talk to him.’
‘Can you do that?’ Alex had supposed that everyone just waited in line.
‘We do it all the time. It’s a radio show; we balance the calls to provide the best broadcast we can...’ He caught sight of Alex’s frown of disappointment. ‘Don’t do that to me.’
‘What?’
‘That disapproving face. Look, I know what you’re thinking...’
‘No, you don’t.’
In the sudden silence, Alex could hear the chair creak as Leo leaned back in it. ‘You’re thinking that this is all about heightening awareness and reaching people who need the service you offer. Not about making good listening while people do the washing-up.’
That was exactly what she was thinking. Maybe not quite in those words; Leo had put it much more succinctly than she could have done. ‘And if I was thinking that?’
‘If you were, I’d tell you that my world’s different from yours. For me, it has to be all about ratings, and making sure that the show’s popular enough to survive. Being realistic is what makes me good at what I do.’
Why did he have to do this? Every time Leo did something nice, he devalued it, pretended that it was all self-serving. Or maybe he was just being honest. Maybe she was just looking for something in him that was no longer there.
‘So you’re really just a cynic?’ He wasn’t. She knew he wasn’t, or what would he be doing here, calling people back? Why had he guarded the list so jealously?
‘Yeah.’
‘I don’t believe you.’ Alex felt herself redden.
‘That’s because you’re an idealist.’ He reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out his phone and propping it on the desk between them. ‘Which is what makes you so good at what you do, and exactly why you’re the best person to help me with these calls.’
* * *
Perhaps he’d gone a little too far. Alex had seemed ready to shake him, until she heard what she wanted to hear. But that wasn’t what Leo was prepared to give.
It would be so easy, so very pleasurable, to indulge the connection between them. To reach out and touch her, knowing that their hearts weren’t so very different. He wanted that, and he had a good idea that Alex did too, but if he felt her softness he’d be unable to stop.

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