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Resisting Her Army Doc Rival
Sue MacKay


Flirting with danger!Infuriating, irresistible army doc Sam Lowe is the last person Madison Hunter wants to work with. He challenges her and soon the only thing hotter than their rivalry is their growing chemistry!But Maddy hides scars that tell a heart-breaking story, and Sam has his own emotional wounds. He’s determined to take his heart with him when he leaves the army base, yet as he sees beneath Maddy’s tough exterior, it becomes more and more clear that his heart belongs with her…







Flirting with danger!

Infuriating, irresistible army doc Sam Lowe is the last person Madison Hunter wants to work with. He challenges her, and soon the only thing hotter than their rivalry is their growing chemistry!

But Maddy hides scars that tell a heartbreaking story, and Sam has his own emotional wounds. He’s determined to take his heart with him when he leaves the army base, yet as he starts to see beneath Maddy’s tough exterior, it becomes more and more clear that his heart belongs with her...


Madison wanted Sam as much as he did her. But fear had her fighting her desire all the way. Something he understood completely.

But...one kiss. What harm could that do? It wouldn’t mean there was more to come, but it would satisfy an ache.

Or create a bigger one.

There was that.

One kiss would definitely crank up the heat into an inferno.

But he had to taste her. Had to know those lips—had to satisfy a quest he’d begun unknowingly only days ago. At the same time it was as though all the barriers he’d erected were tightening, warning him, Don’t do it. But the clawing need for affection and sharing was stronger.

‘I think I’ll head inside.’ Madison stood before him, looking sad and lost.

Sam did what he shouldn’t. He ignored those damned warnings.


Dear Reader (#u33cd5417-ba4e-5353-b19a-5759563b7091),

Almost everyone has scars—mental and/or physical. Some are minor, others serious, but all affect the person carrying them. These scars and how they’re coped with are what make people interesting.

In Resisting Her Army Doc Rival Captain Madison Hunter has had more than her share of bad luck, which has left her unable to show anyone her body and thus keeps her away from getting close to men. Captain Sam Lowe isn’t bothered by that—he’s got his own guilt to deal with, and he finds Maddy fascinating and beautiful. But she’s no longer the bright, bubbly personality he vaguely remembers from school. And the sadness lurking in her eyes and her fear of smoke has him pulling up the barriers around his soul so fast it’s bewildering. But there’s something about this woman he can’t ignore. If he was ever to put his heart on the line and get close to someone it would be Maddy who’d make him do it.

This story didn’t come easily for me. There’s a lot of pain in my hero and my heroine, and I really wanted them to have their moment—to learn to live freely again and know what it’s like not to be on guard all the time. But they didn’t make it simple for me. Oh, no. Every word and emotion was dragged out onto the page, and I’m relieved they finally got their happy ending.

I hope you root for these two as you read their story.

Drop by and let me know if they affected you as they did me: sue.mackay56@yahoo.com. Or visit my website: suemackay.co.nz (http://www.suemackay.co.nz).

Cheers,

Sue MacKay


Resisting Her Army Doc Rival

Sue MacKay






www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)


SUE MACKAY lives with her husband in New Zealand’s beautiful Marlborough Sounds, with the water at her doorstep and the birds and the trees at her back door. It is the perfect setting to indulge her passions of entertaining friends by cooking them sumptuous meals, drinking fabulous wine, going for hill walks or kayaking around the bay—and, of course, writing stories.

Books by Sue MacKay

Mills & Boon Medical Romance

Midwife...to Mom!

Reunited...in Paris!

A December to Remember

Breaking All Their Rules

Dr White’s Baby Wish

The Army Doc’s Baby Bombshell

Visit the Author Profile page at millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk) for more titles.


To the most gorgeous and precious wee people in my life. Grandies Austin and Taylor. I love you to bits and can’t believe how lucky I am to get Austin hugs and Taylor smiles.

And to Laura McCallen for your unfailing patience to see me through this story. (At least you appeared patient from my end. ) :)


Praise for Sue MacKay (#u33cd5417-ba4e-5353-b19a-5759563b7091)

‘I highly recommend this story to all lovers of romance: it is moving, emotional, a joy to read!’

—Goodreads on

A December to Remember


Contents

Cover (#u1afbd224-a7b2-5d10-90b5-86742f1a7421)

Back Cover Text (#u6a721387-366f-5a1a-8aa8-fc457d3bbb73)

Introduction (#u140f279d-386d-58f5-8fee-5308b91b105e)

Dear Reader (#u33daf1f8-2416-5757-9b1e-e745948f837d)

Title Page (#u26d3a20d-a531-506b-bc69-e9283e8f6baa)

About the Author (#ua2e0c8ca-2cf9-52af-9702-a2dde9bf2bd3)

Dedication (#u89e66890-d017-525d-aec8-d939eb720195)

Praise (#ua66316ac-3115-5c1a-80c1-eb8440de30a9)

CHAPTER ONE (#u27c8439d-372e-59a4-9256-8d5227a703ca)

CHAPTER TWO (#u8abda42e-4971-5531-8f44-c0f02a50e044)

CHAPTER THREE (#u2da74958-22c9-50ff-9628-07c2413a0ba5)

CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)

EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)

Extract (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)


CHAPTER ONE (#u33cd5417-ba4e-5353-b19a-5759563b7091)

CAPTAIN MADISON HUNTER stepped out of the New Zealand Air Force freight plane and onto the tarmac, relieved to be on terra firma at last, flying being her least favourite of the things she had to do. Then the searing heat of the Sinai Peninsula slammed into her, ramping up the discomfort level and making her gasp.

‘Who needs this?’

‘Beats Waiouru in winter any day,’ quipped the communications major striding alongside her. His energy was embarrassing after all those hours crammed between cargo crates, doing nothing more intelligent than playing endless rounds of poker.

‘Guess that’s because you’ve been here before. Right now I’d be happy marching through snow and sleet,’ Madison retorted, thinking longingly of the isolated army base where she’d done her basic training, hell hole of the North Island that it was.

‘At least your boots will be dry.’

‘True.’ Sodden boots were the bane of army exercises back home. They never dried out before the next foray. Looking at the dusty ground in front of her, she finally smiled. ‘This couldn’t be more different. Exciting even.’ If she could ignore the heat.

Heaving the thirty-kilogram pack higher on her back, Madison rolled her shoulders to ease the tightness. Didn’t work. Sweat streamed over her shoulder blades, down her face, between her breasts. Must have been out of my mind when I signed up. ‘Did I miss the clause in my contract saying beware of sun, sand, dirt, and sweat enough to drown a small creature?’

‘Page three,’ quipped Major Crooks.

‘I take it the high temperature is relentless.’ Dry heat shimmered against the white block buildings, while the air was almost cracking. Off-duty soldiers lounged in what little shade they could find.

‘I never got used to it on my last tour.’ He pointed across the dusty parade ground. ‘See that building to the right? It’s the medical unit.’

Madison scoped the basic structure with a faded red cross painted above the door. Less than what she’d worked in on base at home, more than she’d been led to believe she’d find here. Had to be a positive. ‘I might drop in after a shower.’ If she didn’t fall asleep standing under the water. Her body ached with fatigue. There hadn’t been a lot of sleeping going on during the flight. She probably stank like a piece of roadkill about now.

A man stepped through the medical unit’s entrance, and paused. Tall and broad shouldered, his body tapered down to the narrow hips his hands settled on. Looking in their direction, his gaze finally settled on her.

Sam Lowe? As in the guy every girl from high school had fallen in love with Sam Lowe?

Her knees sagged, and not from the load on her back.

Seriously? Someone she knew from home when home had been Christchurch? Now, there was a surprise that lightened her mood a notch. Not that they’d been friends in any way but she’d grab at any familiar face in an alien environment; until she’d settled in, any rate. Unless she’d got it wrong, and that wasn’t Sam.

‘Are you all right?’ Major Crooks asked.

‘Fine. Where’re our barracks, do you know?’

He pointed. ‘Over to the right, behind the mess block are the officers’ quarters.’

‘Thanks, I’ll catch up with you later.’ Right now Madison wanted to check out the man she thought she recognised, but was probably so far off the mark she’d sound stupid uttering his name.

She squinted through the heat. No doubting the vision that reminded her of standing on the side of the rugby field, barracking for their high school team as he led them to yet another win. It was definitely Sam Lowe striding towards her, those long legs eating up the ground like nothing bothered him. It probably didn’t. Those shoulders and the cocky tip of his head backed up what her eyes were seeing, but there was little else she knew about him, she realised.

‘Captain Hunter, Madison.’ The man had the nerve to snap to attention in front of her. And grin. He still does that. Smiled and grinned his way into and out of every situation he faced. An expert, no less, she now recalled. Still arrogant? Well, she wasn’t a spoilt brat any more—if she’d ever been—so possibly he’d changed, too.

‘Sam,’ she replied, at a loss for words. She didn’t trust unexpected surprises. They tended to backfire on her.

He said, ‘Welcome to the Sinai.’

Her voice returned, spilling out more than was necessary. ‘I can’t believe this. We’re both in the army, posted to the same region, on the same base?’ What were the odds? They even had rank in common. Her teeth ground back and forth. Slim to zilch. Showed how wrong she got things these days, despite the harsh lessons she’d endured already. A medical insignia told her more. ‘You’re a doctor, too.’

He nodded. ‘We’ve been expecting you.’

‘As in me personally?’ Of course her name would’ve been on the staff list that’d have come through days ago. But, ‘I doubt you realised who I was,’ she retorted, suddenly on edge in front of that dazzling smile, and needing to shield herself from its dangerous intensity. So? Relax. She knew how to cope with men, had learned the hard way to always be careful and cautious. Just ignore them. Easy-peasy.

‘As in a new medic, fresh from home and not worn down by the day-to-day grind of living in camp.’ He widened his grin. ‘And, yes, as in Madison Hunter, high school prefect and science genius.’

Oh, yeah, it would be too easy to fall into that grin, and forget the pain of being betrayed after trusting a man with her heart once already. Reining in the bewilderment overtaking her faster than a speeding bullet, she stood to attention. ‘So we’ll be working together?’

‘I’ll be out of your hair next week.’

He wasn’t getting anywhere near her hair. But was he admiring it? Yeah, he was. Something like shock diluted that brazen glare he’d been delivering.

Fair cop. She did look very different these days. Her waist-length hair had fallen prey to the hairdresser’s scissors the day after she’d joined the army. Crawling under barbed wire through mud and snow while dressed in full army kit had made the thick locks she’d considered her best feature very unattractive and in need of constant attention. What had Sam been talking about? Apart from hair? ‘So you’re one of the medics I’m replacing.’

‘Afraid so.’ His shoulder moved, oh so nonchalantly.

That grin was now crooked. Instead of loosening the hold it held over her, she was drawn in deeper. It was beguiling and threatening in an I-can’t-afford-to-check-this-out kind of way. Desperate for a distraction—no, Sam already had that role—Madison glanced around the compound. She checked out the perimeter fence and saw women, men and children sitting in a huddle, resignation on their faces.

‘Why are there civilians waiting outside the camp?’

‘They’re hoping to see a doctor or nurse.’

Her heart tightened for the sad-looking bunch of people. They appeared helpless, lost even. It took all her willpower not to drop her pack and race across to ask what she could do for them. That was one of the reasons she’d joined the army after all. ‘I want to help them.’

‘It’s not that easy, Madison.’

‘Why not?’ She flung the words at him. ‘It’s why I became a doctor. Isn’t it the same for you?’

He took her question on the chin. ‘I understand, but out here you’re a soldier first, doctor second.’

‘So you’re saying we ignore those people?’ Her hand flapped through the air in the direction of the perimeter. ‘Seriously?’

‘No, I’m not.’ Sam’s mouth tightened as his gaze stopped on the people she’d noted. ‘We do see some of the locals under a strict system involving body searches and metal detectors before bringing them in.’

‘We don’t hold regular clinics?’ She’d been told she would be attending to outsiders, and had been keen to get amongst them.

‘More than enough,’ he grunted, ‘but so many people require medical attention it’d be a never-ending stream if we allowed it.’ Sam locked his now fierce eyes on her. ‘We do our share. Remember why you’re here, Captain.’

‘But there are children out there.’ She couldn’t help wanting to help each and every person in that crowd waiting quietly as though they had nothing better to do, but especially the children. They were pulling at her heartstrings already. It would be a struggle not being allowed to put her medical skills to good use as she wanted when there were people needing them. That was why she’d trained in the first place, to make life better for others, especially children now that she likely wouldn’t be having any herself.

‘Yes, there are. Cute as buttons some of them, too.’ His face softened briefly.

‘They look so desperate.’

Sam shook himself and growled, ‘Don’t be fooled. They’re not all what they seem.’ He started walking again.

‘They’re not?’ But he didn’t, or chose not to, hear her.

On a sigh she changed the subject. For now. ‘I’ll see you around. I need to find my quarters.’

‘I’ll—’

‘I don’t think so. Major Crooks gave me directions.’ Then she added lamely, just in case Sam didn’t get the point, ‘He’s been here before.’ Having this man escort her through the camp was not happening. She required a few minutes to put her left-field reaction to him into perspective. He might be a sight to behold, and a face from the past, but she had to learn to stand strong and inviolate. Vulnerability might’ve become her norm lately, but it was one of the things she was working hard to overcome. So when her danger sonar said be aware of this man, she was going to push him away.

‘I was about to say I’ll see you later in the medical unit, where I can introduce you to everyone.’ He stared at her, annoyance vying with interest in those eyes that appeared to notice far too much, his mouth flat at last.

While her mouth ached with the tight smile she was trying to keep in place. Her eyes had better be fierce, not showing her true concerns about this exchange. Having anyone know her inner turmoil would see her back on that plane, heading home. ‘Yes, Captain.’

His face instantly became inscrutable, every last thought and emotion snapped off with the flick of a switch. Her tense muscles tightened further. She’d gone too far. He didn’t deserve her attitude, but a woman had to look out for herself. Especially in a place she did not understand. In a fit of pique for coming second to her in an exam result Sam had once told her she was a spoilt little rich brat, and right now she was proving him correct. He’d also said she knew nothing about the real world. If only he knew. Back up. She didn’t want him to know about the disaster that flipped her life upside down.

Suddenly she was tired of it all; exhausted from the trip, from the heat, from the short but stupid conversation with Sam. She wanted to get on with him, maybe get to know him a little—without falling into that grin. ‘I look forward to learning the ropes from you.’

‘I’ll see you later.’ Sam’s boots clicked together, then he spun around to stride away, his back ramrod straight, his hands clenched at his sides.

He’s better looking than ever. Shut up. But it was true. The boyishly handsome and beguiling face had become chiselled, mature, and worthy of more than a glance. As was that muscular bod. Her traitorous body was reacting to the thought of what his army fatigues covered. Only because there’d been a sex drought in her life for so long, surely? Not that Sam would be the rain that broke it, even if her body was thinking otherwise.

Heatstroke. Had to be. But she’d been out in the sun less than half an hour. Admitting things about a man she’d met minutes earlier would have more to do with her wobbly state of mind. Things that weren’t conducive to working alongside him. Captain Lowe. Remember that and forget his looks, his muscles, and that open face she’d managed to shut down. But she was female after all and did enjoy being around a good-looking guy. She wasn’t immune to physical attributes that would send any breathing, feeling woman into orbit. Despite the fact that letting down the barriers so that a man could get close would take more guts than she possessed, she could still appreciate perfection when she saw it.

Maddy shook her head abruptly. You came here to do a job, not to fire up your hormones. Experience had taught her that she couldn’t do casual sex; she had to have some connection with a lover. When she’d fallen in love she’d known it had been worth the wait. Until that man, who had become her husband, had pulverised her heart along with her confidence, and she was back to square one. She was unlikely to ever forget Jason’s appalled reaction to her disfigured body. She’d believed in his love. Now she knew not to expect any different from any man, so knew keeping safe was entirely up to herself.

‘Captain? Your room is number three in that block behind the mess hall.’ A soldier appeared in her line of vision, a clipboard in his hand, thankfully blotting out that irritating sight of long legs and tight backside that had her in a spin.

‘Thank you, Private,’ she acknowledged as she turned in the right direction.

One step and Madison froze.

Thick smoke billowed above a hut on the far perimeter.

A chill slithered down her spine, lifted the hairs on her arms. Her heart leapt into her throat. She forgot to breathe. ‘No.’ The word crawled out of her mouth as fear swamped her. ‘No-o.’ Smoke meant fire. No, please, no. She couldn’t deal with that. Not today. Not ever. Not again. Anything else, yes. Move. Run. Someone could be trapped inside the hut. Move. She remained transfixed, staring at that murky column rising into the air, twisting, spiralling out of control.

‘Move, damn it.’ Do something. But her boots were filled with concrete. ‘I can’t.’ Her fingers touched her midriff, not feeling the scars through her uniform, but they were there, as familiar to her touch as her face in a mirror was to her sight.

‘Madison?’ Sam stood in front of her.

She tried to look away from that smoke. She really did. But her eyes had a mind of their own, were fixated with the swirling, growing cloud. As the smoke darkened, horror darkened her soul. Knots cramped her stomach. Bile spewed into her mouth, soured her tongue. Finally her lungs moved, expanded slowly against her chest.

Strong hands caught her upper arms, shook her. ‘Captain Hunter, what’s the problem?’

The air stalled in her lungs again. Breathe out slowly; one, two, three. Now in, one, two. ‘There’s a fire.’ She jerked her chin in the right direction as her lungs contracted, forcing hot air through her mouth.

Sam glanced where she’d indicated. ‘That’s not smoke. It’s a dust whirl. Get used to it. We get plenty around here.’ That intense stare returned to her face. What was he seeing? Apart from someone who should be behaving like a soldier? And clearly wasn’t.

‘You’re sure? You haven’t gone to check it out.’

‘I’m sure.’

Her knees sagged, and her shoulders drooped further into his strong grip. Air escaped her lungs again. ‘D-dust I can cope with.’ Phew. She was safe; she didn’t have to rush into roaring flames to rescue Granddad, pull him free of burning timbers. Except she hadn’t managed to save him. A blazing beam had seen to that. The sweat on her back chilled, her damaged skin prickled. Granddad.

Someone was shaking her. Sam. Of course. ‘Madison, look at me.’

I can’t do that. He’d see right inside, would know she was a screw-up. Nothing like the confident girl who used to cope with everything and had always been a success. She certainly didn’t used to do vulnerable. Digging deep, she tried to find that Madison, but she was long gone. Burned in the midst of a fire. ‘I’m all right. I don’t mind dust.’ That scratchy sound coming across her tongue was not her usual voice; instead, it sounded like a cat when its tail was stomped on.

‘You won’t be saying that for long. It never goes away, coats every damned surface, and gets into places you won’t believe.’

But it won’t kill me, or scar my body, or terrify me. Or take someone I love. Or change my life for ever. Shaking in her boots, she continued staring at the thinning cloud as it changed direction to head away from the buildings. A grenade had been lobbed at her within minutes of arriving. This place was not good for her.

Just as well Sam still held her. To hit the ground with thirty kilos on her back would hurt, and write her off as a loser in everyone’s eyes.

Did he know he was rubbing her arms with his thumbs? Couldn’t, or he’d stop immediately. She didn’t want that. Not yet. She needed the contact, the comfort, which showed how messed up she was. She was an officer in the New Zealand army, for pity’s sake. ‘It’s truly only dust?’

‘Yes, Madison, not smoke.’

The unexpected gentleness in his voice nearly undid her. She wasn’t used to that tone from men any more, and it reached inside to tear at her heart, slashed at the barricades she kept wound tight. She tilted forward, drawn by an invisible thread, needing to get closer. Her brain was begging Sam to wrap his arms around her.

Her chin flipped up. Under pressure from her pack she straightened her spine and locked her eyes on his. He’d have her back on that plane heading home quick smart if he knew what she wanted of him. Good idea. That’d get her away from here and everything she suspected was going to test her over the coming weeks and months. Something at the back of her mind was pushing forward. I am not a coward. Not even a little one? No. Not even a tiny one. Messed up? Yes. But she would not add coward to her CV. Twisting her head away from that all-seeing gaze, she locked her eyes on the dust that had ripped her equilibrium apart.

‘Dust can be a nuisance. Dirty and scratchy.’ Slowly, one shallow breath at a time, her lungs relaxed, returned to doing their job properly. There was little resemblance to smoke in that whirl. She’d made an idiot of herself. ‘Thanks for rectifying my mistake,’ she whispered.

‘Any time.’ Sam stepped back, his hands dropping to his hips in his apparent favourite stance, taking that strength and safety with him, leaving her swaying until she found her balance, but like he was ready to catch her if necessary. That she could cope with; the intensity he was watching her with she could not.

Madison slowly looked around, taking time to get her body back under control. She was a soldier, and a doctor. No one need know she lost her cool at the sight of smoke. Or the smell of it. Or the roar of flames. Except Sam had already witnessed her near breakdown. She could only hope he wasn’t going to be like a dog with a bone until he found out what that had been about.

She risked a glance at him, and gasped at the worry filling his steady summer-sky eyes.

‘Are you all right?’ he demanded.

‘Yes.’ The thudding in her chest had spread to take up residence in her skull—beat, beat, beat. She needed to get indoors, away from dust clouds—and compelling eyes that had already seen too much. ‘I’ve never seen dust like that, and naturally...’ Would he fall for this? ‘Naturally I thought there was a fire. I won’t make that mistake again.’

‘You’d better not. It would be a hindrance on patrol. You could endanger others.’ His worry didn’t diminish, suggesting he was concerned she wouldn’t be competent enough to do her job as a soldier.

‘I think you’ll find I know what I’m doing.’ But reality was sinking in fast. This was nothing like practising back home, however seriously the officers had taken every manoeuvre in which they partook. If she did freak out at the sight of smoke again she might not get away with it. But as long as the camp commander didn’t see fit to lock her up in a padded cell she’d be all right.

‘You’d better.’ His worry might be abating but he was still studying her with the intensity of a microbiologist looking down a microscope.

Which rattled her nearly as much as the dust had. Her vulnerability was rearing up again, pushing out from the corner she worked hard at keeping it tucked into. Sam—or anyone on base—must not find her lacking. Neither could he learn how insecure she could be.

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ he asked in a less autocratic tone.

‘How long have you served on the Peninsula?’ Suddenly her time here stretched before her, filled with uncertainties. Would she be strong enough to lead troops outside the camp? There’d be no respect from them if she turned into a blithering idiot because of dust. Or smoke.

‘Twelve months, give or take a day.’

She’d do less. Thank goodness for something. ‘Have you enjoyed your tour here?’ Anything to avoid the chasm she was looking into right now.

His nod was sharp. ‘This has been one of the better ones.’

‘So there’ve been others.’ Others that hadn’t been as comfortable, the edgy tone of his voice suggested.

‘Yes.’

‘Guess I’ve a lot to learn.’

‘Definitely, but we all have to deal with things we’re not at ease with when we first arrive. You’ll be fine.’ The grin was back, a little forced, but she’d accept it as it made her relax a teeny bit more. For now the danger of falling into that compelling look was far less risky than exposing the vulnerability that haunted her. This was Sam Lowe, a man she could relate to because they came from the same city, had been to the same school, and right now someone familiar was like balm on feverish skin.

Bet he’s a fantastic doctor. And a good soldier. He’d always done well at everything he did. Yes, she remembered that much about him. The pounding behind her eyes intensified. There was too much to deal with right now. ‘I need to settle into my room.’ She needed to look forward and not back, something she couldn’t manage while in Sam’s presence.

‘I’ll see you later in the medical centre.’

She nodded. ‘I’ll be there as soon as possible.’ And get started on her new job, even if she only got to meet her colleagues and learn the layout of the unit.

Sam turned away, spun back as though trying to catch her out. The intensity in his gaze had not backed off. Whatever he was looking for, she doubted he found it because finally he shrugged, said almost kindly, ‘Welcome to the Peninsula, Maddy.’ This time he strode away without a backward glance.

He remembered her friends called her Maddy? Or was it a natural abbreviation of Madison? That was more likely. He wouldn’t remember much about her. Why should he? They hadn’t mixed in the same crowd or been in the same classes. But... A sigh escaped her lips. The way her name sounded in his gravelly voice was something to hold onto. It warmed her when she was already hot, flattened the goose bumps that dust had raised, gave her hope. Hope for what? No idea, but it was so rare she’d hold onto it anyway.

The pack still weighed her down, pulling so her spine curved backwards, but it was the head stuff that kept her rooted to the spot. That and the man whose long legs were eating up the parade ground as he put distance between them. She felt as though she had too many balls in the air and wasn’t about to catch any of them.

Trudging towards her barracks, she tried to drag up memories of Sam. He’d been head boy in their last year, captain of his sports teams, a natural leader if the devotion from others wasn’t a figment of her imagination. Officer material for sure. Which said he’d want to be in charge here in the medical unit. Probably was anyway, given he’d been here for a year.

Too much to think about right now. Exhaustion gnawed at her. Her body ached and her head was full of wool. The heat pelted her from every direction. She was in way over her depth and had no idea how to get out. But she would find a way: after a shower and a full night’s sleep in a bed, and after time to reflect on how she could move forward without blotting her copybook.

Now, there was a first.

Could be quite exciting really.


CHAPTER TWO (#u33cd5417-ba4e-5353-b19a-5759563b7091)

‘MADISON HUNTER SURE grew up beautiful,’ Sam muttered. But, then, she’d had a good start, had always been cute and pretty, and had kept the guys on the lookout for her around the school grounds.

Slamming the outside door behind him, he cut off the heat—and the sight of Captain Hunter. He recalled the pert nose, the sweet mouth, and the thick, dark blonde hair that had swished back and forth across her back whenever she’d worn it free of the ties that the school had insisted on most of the time. That mouth wasn’t so sweet any more; tightened quickly as a lightning flash at times. But not in a sulky, spoilt manner. More as if something had hurt her in the past and she was desperate to hold herself together. There’d been a load of fear in her eyes, her face, her stance. What had that been about? Something horrendous that had changed her for ever? That’d be an explanation he could understand all too well. As for the short bob—who’d known how curly her hair was? Must’ve been the weight of it all that had kept it nearly straight back then.

‘What had I been thinking when I rushed out to welcome her on base?’ Had he wanted a taste of home? From someone who knew next to nothing about him? They were virtually strangers, had barely acknowledged each other eighteen years ago, mainly because they’d had nothing in common. These days his cocky confidence had been replaced with caution and a blinding awareness of how life could implode in an instant. Drawing everyone close to him no longer happened. Instead, he used the guilt he carried to keep everyone distant. How could he be happy when other people weren’t able to be because of him?

Drawn to the window like a lad to the candy shop, he stared out at Madison dragging herself towards the officers’ quarters. Tall, slim and, from the muscles tightening under his palms when he’d caught her, very fit. Enough to make a man put his heart on the line. If he had a heart. Which meant she was safe from him. He’d put that particular organ in lockdown two years ago to protect anyone from being hurt by him.

But he couldn’t deny the blood in his veins. It was heating him, hardening him, reminding him how long it had been since he’d been with a woman. Too long. An oath ripped out of his mouth as the truth slam-dunked him. Unbelievable. He wanted Madison. Minutes after saying hello to someone he barely knew and he was reacting with none of the usual hesitations that instantly sprang up to protect him, and her. Unbelievable.

He was going to have to pull tight on those bands around the pit that held all his emotions. In a very short time Madison was proving to be a challenge to everything he held close and accepted as his way of life now. He’d have to dig deep to keep her off limits. But he’d had plenty of practice over the last two years, so what was one week of hardship? An impossibility? No. Definitely doable.

The window was warm against his forehead as he tracked Maddy’s slow movements. Exhaustion folded her in on herself as she hauled one shapely leg after the other. He should’ve taken her pack and dumped it in the barracks regardless of the fact she’d been in a hurry to get away from him. How hard would it have been to do something kind instead of walking away to save his own sanity? There was no answer. Only minutes in her company and she’d begun scrambling his brain like the eggs he’d had for breakfast.

‘What’s the great attraction out there?’ Jock called across the room.

‘Nothing,’ he muttered.

‘So you’re going to stand there all day gaping at nothing?’ Jock was supposedly going through patient records, removing the ones of those staff heading back to New Zealand next week.

Grabbing the interruption with both hands, he turned around. ‘What’s up? That stack of files doesn’t appear any lower than it did an hour ago.’

Jock had probably been texting his family and pals at home. Now that they both only had a few days remaining it was getting harder to focus entirely on this tour of duty. Home was beckoning. For him that meant another army base, another round of training as well as working in a local hospital surgical unit until the next posting. More time to contemplate the empty years ahead.

‘I hear the new medic’s arrived. Guess we’ll meet her shortly.’

‘She’s unpacking.’ You’re going to fall under her spell in a snap. She was everything a red-blooded male could ask for.

‘You’ve met her?’

‘Long time back.’ Yikes. He hadn’t mentioned recognising her name in the email from headquarters. Now Jock would go for his throat. Sam tried to deflect him. ‘Just passed her on the field, said hello.’ Had seen her become as still as a rock, colourless as marble, staring at something he’d been unable to figure out as though it was going to attack her. He’d caught her before she’d face planted. What had that been about? Smoke, she’d said. Dust, he’d told her. The fear that had blitzed him from the shadows lurking in her eyes had dampened her spark into a dark brown bog filled with hidden torments. Genuine, don’t-hurt-me fear. He hated that. There’d been signs that spoke of pain and anguish, signs she’d desperately tried to hide. And failed.

What happened to you, Madison?

No, he didn’t want to know. Knowing would lead to wanting to learn even more and before he knew it he’d be getting close to her. He’d seen that fearful look before—in William’s eyes as he’d lain dying. Sam’s head tipped back as pain stabbed him. William. His best friend. They’d clicked the moment they’d met on the first day of training at Papakura Military Camp. The friend who’d never returned home after following him to Afghanistan.

‘Sam,’ Jock called, loud enough to break into his maudlin thoughts. ‘You got the hots for this woman? Or is there some juicy history?’ Jock’s expression was full of expectation.

Go away, man. But that wasn’t going to happen any time soon, so Sam went for the obvious. ‘I guess Madison will come visiting when she’s ready,’ he told the man who’d refused to back off from becoming a friend, no matter how often he’d been pushed aside.

Jock’s head tipped sideways. ‘Something you’re not telling me?’

The guy was too shrewd for his own good. ‘Can’t think of anything.’

He got laughed at for his efforts. ‘You’ve fallen for her.’

‘In thirty seconds? Give me a break.’ He shuddered at the thought. And that wasn’t because Madison was a horror.

‘I’ve heard that’s all it takes.’

‘Shouldn’t you be sorting those files?’

Wrong thing to say.

‘So I’m right.’

He had to shut Jock up fast. ‘You couldn’t be further from the mark. I cannot, will not, fall for a woman, no matter how much she interests me.’

‘You ever think it time to let that go, mate?’ One of Jock’s eyebrows lifted nonchalantly, as if he didn’t know the boundaries he was stepping over. But he did, and wasn’t afraid to show it.

Heat hit Sam’s cheeks as he snapped, ‘Knock it off, Jock. You know the story. Nothing’s changed.’ Anger tightened his gut. He would never let it go. He didn’t deserve happiness when William had died because of him.

Jock started to say something and Sam was instantly defensive, cutting him off. ‘Don’t go there,’ he repeated, the warning loud and harsh in his voice. Back in New Zealand there was a woman hurting because of her fiancé’s death, a lovely woman who’d never have William’s children or share her life with the man she loved.

But across the room his pal merely shrugged as if this wasn’t important. ‘No problem. So where did you know Captain Hunter?’

‘Madison. We weren’t friends, just attended the same school. But there was no not knowing who she was.’ Sam dragged his hand over his face. Maddy’s career moves had been unbelievably similar to his. ‘And don’t even say we should play catch up on people we might both have known at school. I’m not interested so I’m staying out of her way as much as possible for the time I’ve got left here.’ As the words were spilling regret flicked through his jaded psyche. He wanted to spend time with her despite the restrictions he’d imposed upon himself. But he’d stay away. One week wasn’t too long to hold out on this strange need to touch base with her sneaking through him. One week.

‘You seen the roster for tomorrow’s patrol?’ There was a mischievous sparkle in Jock’s eyes that didn’t bode well for his vow to stay clear of trouble.

Dread he didn’t understand floored him. One look at the notice board partially explained. ‘Swap with me.’ Maddy had problems. He’d seen them in her eyes, in that fear, and for him to get involved, maybe help her, would endanger both of them. Ultimately he’d let her down, one way or another. He did that to people who mattered to him. Never again. ‘Please,’ he grunted. Not quite begging, but damned close.

‘No can do. I’m rostered to take my crew into town and check out the hot spots there.’

‘So swap.’

‘Nope.’ Jock shook his craggy head. ‘Captain Hunter’s all yours.’

Sam’s crew would be patrolling beyond the town’s perimeters. ‘That sucks. She’d better be up to scratch,’ was all he could come up with, though he didn’t understand his concerns. Neither did he understand why his fingertips tingled and his groin ached just thinking about her.

Like he was eighteen all over again, working hard to be Mr Popularity at school, to show it didn’t matter he was being raised by a family that was unrelated to him because his own had left him. A wonderful, kind and caring family, but not his.

Jock clapped a hand on his shoulder. ‘These next few days could prove interesting. Time I witnessed you being brought to your knees over a woman.’

‘You going to let up on this any time soon?’ The guy knew what had gone down in Sam’s past so why all this bull dust?

A low cry came from the treatment room, cutting through his gloom. He raised an eyebrow at Jock. ‘One of ours?’

Jock shook his head. ‘That’s the mother of a three-year-old boy with five rotten teeth and inflamed gums. They were brought in while you were out filling the gas tanks.’

So he hadn’t been texting. ‘You never mentioned them when I came back.’ Or when he’d started out to welcome Madison.

Jock shrugged. ‘You want to swap anything, you can take this one for me.’

‘Where are you up to with the boy?’ Sam held out a hand for the notes being extended in his direction.

‘Waiting on bloods before putting him out so as we can extract what’s left of his teeth.’ Jock fidgeted with other files on his table. Everyone knew he hated working with children, found it too stressful since losing a child in an emergency operation under extreme conditions in Afghanistan two years ago. He’d been on a hiding to nothing before he’d even picked up the scalpel but no one had been able to make him see that then or afterwards.

Sam could’ve asked to change places on patrol in return for taking over the boy’s case and Jock probably would’ve obliged but, damn it, he wouldn’t do that to his pal. All right, Jock was a pal, was getting closer all the time, but not so close Sam would hurt him. Good to have him at his back, though.

‘Would you look at that?’ Jock’s eyes were so wide he appeared blinded by bright lights.

Sam didn’t have to turn in the direction his mate was staring to know Maddy had entered the room, way earlier than he’d expected. ‘She’s quite something, isn’t she?’

‘Can see why you were mooning at the window.’

‘I wasn’t mooning.’

Jock’s head bobbed like a balloon on the water. ‘You sure you don’t want to stay on for the next six months?’ he cracked.

Sam laughed, if that’s what the strangled sound that burst from his mouth was. Bitter, dry and full of despair. ‘I’m no good for her.’ But he had to face up to her—now and again and again over the coming days—without becoming mesmerised by her. He turned to nod abruptly at Madison. ‘That was quick.’ Some colour had returned to her cheeks, but the exhaustion remained.

‘The shower was cold.’ Her shrug was defensive.

‘That happens around here.’ Relief softened him. Her fear had backed off. He doubted it was gone, but right now she wasn’t being crippled by it. Wariness now met his gaze. Was she worried he’d told everyone she’d freaked out over a dust cloud? Not a chance. ‘Cold water’s just another thing to get used to. Come and meet the crew. Jock, Madison Hunter.’

Jock was on his feet in an instant, his hand extended in greeting. ‘Hey, great to have you on board. Sam says you two know each other from school.’

Her mouth twisted into something resembling a smile. Not her old full-on, love-me-or-get-out-of-my-space smile, but something softer and more cautious that inexplicably settled over Sam’s heart, loosened some of the tension he wore twenty-four seven. She said, ‘That’s an exaggeration.’ She might’ve been talking to Jock but those weary eyes were on him. ‘I didn’t play rugby and Sam wasn’t into debating.’

‘You still do that? Belong to a debating team, I mean.’ Damned if he could turn away. It felt as though he was falling into a pit, a deep one filled with the scent of home, the warmth of people he’d grown up with, the lure of a future he’d denied himself too long. And would continue to deny himself. But he would not hide from Madison for the next week. Decision made, he closed the gap between them. ‘You used to be very good.’

‘At arguing a point?’ Her mouth softened. ‘I still argue about most things, but no longer under the guise of representing a team.’

‘You sure Sam wasn’t in your team?’ Jock filled the sudden silence developing between Madison and Sam and halting the prickly sensation tripping down Sam’s spine. ‘He’s always disputing everything around here.’

‘Really?’ Those brown eyes widened, lightened into the colour of his favourite milk chocolate. ‘So you know better than the army?’ she teased.

‘Don’t tell the commander.’ He grinned.

‘As if he doesn’t know,’ Jock quipped, before heading towards the room where his young patient waited.

‘I said I’d take that case,’ Sam called after him. He needed to get out of here anyway. ‘You give Maddy the rundown on how the clinic works.’

‘No, you do that.’ Damn the guy but he’d shut the door on anything else Sam had to say.

‘What case?’ Maddy asked. ‘Can I do something to help?’

‘No, everything’s under control. Anyway, you’re not fit for duty until you’ve had some sleep.’

‘I guess. One of the troops unwell?’ She didn’t let a subject drop easily.

‘A child was brought in to have teeth removed.’ Now she’d really crank up the questions.

‘One of those waiting outside earlier? I thought you said they weren’t allowed in very often.’

‘There are exceptions. Especially with children.’

‘I’m glad.’ Her hand hovered over her stomach. ‘Kids shouldn’t be denied treatment because of the adult world around them.’

‘Agreed.’ He took a long breath, pushed aside thoughts of children and babies, especially those he’d once hoped he might have with a special woman he could give his heart to. When Maddy opened her mouth he rushed to close her down before she said something that might have him saying things he told no one. ‘You like kids?’

That hand flattened hard against her belly. The fingers whitened they were so tense. ‘Adore them.’ Her voice quivered.

Why? What was going on? Things weren’t adding up. Earlier she’d been terrified of smoke that hadn’t been smoke, now there was a distinct hint of sadness in her expression. ‘So do I,’ Sam commented, still wondering if Madison had problems at home. There were no rings on her fingers. Her surname hadn’t changed. ‘You haven’t married or got into a full-time relationship?’ he asked, oh, so casually, so as not to wind her up.

‘Divorced and single,’ she muttered after a long minute contemplating the wall behind him.

He hadn’t realised he’d been holding his breath until he heard those words. Would’ve been better if she was hooked up with someone. Then he’d be able to laugh at this annoying sense of wanting to get closer to her. He’d never step on another man’s patch. What did that matter when he had no intention of having a relationship at all? ‘I’m sorry to hear that. About the divorce, I mean,’ he added quickly, in case she misinterpreted his comment.

‘So was I. At the time.’ Then she winced. No doubt thinking she’d said far too much about herself. ‘Shall we go and see if we can help Jock?’

‘Sure.’ The boy did not need three doctors but Sam needed to get back on track with keeping away from Maddy, and she, he suspected, needed a diversion after revealing something so painful. The divorce must’ve been something she hadn’t wanted. Had she got over it? For her sake, he hoped so. Wasting life pining for what might’ve been would be a shame, thought the expert at it.


CHAPTER THREE (#u33cd5417-ba4e-5353-b19a-5759563b7091)

‘NEED SOME BLOOD HERE,’ Sam called from the other side of the treatment room six hours later.

At the sound of the deep voice that brought images of pebbles rolling up the beach on a wave Madison looked up to find Sam watching her. ‘You want me to get it?’ When she already had her hands full?

His headshake was abrupt. ‘You carry on extracting that bullet.’

‘I’m on to it.’ Literally. The forceps she held tapped against metal deep in her patient’s thigh right on cue. Maddy grimaced. Talk about being thrown in at the deep end. Removing a bullet from this man’s thigh wasn’t difficult, but it was different from anything she’d dealt with in emergency departments back home. Which could explain why Sam had given her this patient when they’d been called in from the barracks. Getting her up to speed ASAP. Bullets and the army went hand in hand, she just hadn’t thought she’d be facing any this soon. She’d wanted something outside her comfort zone, and now it looked like she’d got it.

He seemed to have to pull his gaze away from her to call out, ‘Cassy, a bag of O neg wouldn’t go amiss here.’

‘Coming right up,’ replied the nurse she’d met half an hour ago when she’d raced in dressed in a hurriedly pulled on long T and shorts.

One wide-eyed stare from Sam and she’d also hauled on scrubs quick smart. He had no idea of the hideous sight her garments covered, and the scrubs would make doubly sure neither he nor anyone else did find out. ‘What’s up?’ she’d asked at the time to nudge his attention away from her. Just in case Sam had X-ray vision and could see through her clothes.

He’d brought her up to speed fast. ‘Three locals were brought to the main entrance with injuries sustained when a man in the market went berserk with a gun. You’ve got the thigh wound.’

‘Not a problem,’ she’d replied, and had ignored his muttered comment that had gone something like ‘nor should it be’.

‘We have stocks of blood on hand?’ Maddy asked now. ‘Seriously?’ This wasn’t a fully equipped hospital with all the bells and whistles. Neither was there a blood bank to draw from.

‘We keep a small supply on hand. The troops donate as it’s required.’

‘I guess we’re lucky the gunman wasn’t a very good shot or there’d have been more casualties,’ she said, dropping the bullet into a stainless steel dish with a clang.

‘The hospital in town will be busy with other victims,’ Sam explained. ‘We get those who’re prepared to make the uncomfortable trip out here.’ He paused cleansing the gaping wound on his patient’s head and watched as she sutured her patient’s laceration. ‘Very tidy.’

Her hackles rose. Did he think she wouldn’t do a good job? Of course he wouldn’t know she was a perfectionist. Lifting her eyes, she drew a quick breath. The face looking at her was devoid of rancour, filled only with admiration. ‘Thank you,’ she muttered, bewildered, and waited for the axe to fall.

‘So sewing’s one of your talents.’ His smile was soft, not egotistic or antagonistic. Apparently genuine. Even friendly.

Which worried her more than an abrasive style would’ve. ‘It wasn’t until I went to med school.’

‘You wouldn’t have had to make your own clothes when you were growing up.’ Now he grinned in what was becoming a familiar way.

‘Nope. Does anyone these days?’ she asked. She was softening more and more towards him, and she hadn’t been here twenty-four hours yet. Hard not to when he was playing nice, when her arms still had memories of those strong hands keeping her from dropping to the ground earlier. So much for remaining aloof to safeguard herself from rejection. The first rejection had decimated her. She’d never get up from a second blow. Come on, Sam was only being friendly, nothing else.

‘Not me, for one. I let the army choose my clothes.’

She aimed for light. ‘Not Paris fashion, are they?’

‘Now, that’s something I know nothing about,’ he drawled.

‘Me either.’ But her mother dressed superbly from high end shops. Madison came from money and that had caused grief at school from some of the small-minded sorts. Shame none of those imbeciles had bothered to learn how hard she’d worked during out-of-school hours before mouthing off about her family. ‘But I admit to having an interesting wardrobe back home.’ A fantastic collection of outfits her mother had bought her and which were totally impractical in her day-to-day life. Something to do with getting back out amongst the city folk and finding a new man apparently.

Maddy shuddered. Not happening. This time because she’d learned how fickle love truly was. One glimpse of her scars and Jason had come up with every excuse in the book to bail on their marriage. Sure, he’d taken a few months—long, dark, lonely months—but in the end he’d gone. And he’d supposedly loved her. What she’d never got around to telling him was that her chances of having children had been severely compromised as well. What had been the point? She hadn’t wanted him staying because he’d felt sorry for her.

Focus, Maddy. That’s history.

Continuing to suture the wound in front of her, she stifled a yawn. So much for getting some sleep before her tour got fully under way. Who was she kidding? Her head had been full of Sam Lowe, dust and smoke, Sam, burns, and more Sam. Digging for a bullet had been a welcome reprieve.

Sam was staring at her, lifting goose bumps on her skin and unexpected, unneeded hope in her belly. ‘You okay?’ he asked.

‘Yes.’ She stared right back, her breath hitched somewhere between her lungs and her nostrils. The deeper she looked into that well the harder it was to find the strength to ignore him. The same concern she’d seen in the midst of her meltdown over the smoke blinked at her. Which was plain scary. Could she manage to work alongside him without falling into the trap of wanting him? You don’t already? That’s why she had to keep him at arm’s length. This yearning for Sam was growing, not in great dollops but it was there, moving in under her skin, raising her temperature degree by agonising degree, shaking her need to remain immune to men until cracks were beginning to appear.

Cassy nudged Sam. ‘One bag of cells for your man.’

His gaze appeared to drag across Maddy’s face, a soft caress, as though loth to leave, then he flicked his head sideways to eyeball the nurse. The syringe in his left hand was in danger of snapping as he stepped back from the bed. ‘Get a line in, will you?’

‘No problem.’

Maddy dropped her eyes to her patient, focusing on his wound but unable to push Sam out of her mind. That need he’d brought to her expanded around her determination to ignore it, swamped all ideas of staying immune to him in particular, frightening and exciting her. Forget the excitement. How? Remember the horror in Jason’s eyes the first time he’d seen her burned abdomen. That particular image could always toughen her resolve like nothing else could.

‘How’s the third victim doing?’ she heard Sam ask through the mess in her head.

Cassy answered, ‘Went into cardiac arrest but Jock got him back. You think your man needed blood. Not even close.’

‘We need a volunteer to give a pint?’

Maddy looked up at Sam’s question. ‘I’m O neg, if you need it.’

‘We’re good to go at the moment.’ The nurse slid a needle into Sam’s patient’s arm. ‘Righto, my man, let’s get you hooked up and these little red cells doing their job.’

Madison let the words wash over her. Operating rooms were the same wherever she went, and as close to home as she knew these days. Listening to the banter, suturing a shredded muscle was soothing in an odd kind of way.

Sam had gone quiet. A flick of her eyes showed him working on his patient’s scalp where the man had taken a pounding from an unknown object. His attention was so focused on the job that he had to be trying very hard to ignore something. It wouldn’t be her, surely? Hopefully not. Yet a shaft of disappointment jabbed. Disappointment she refused to delve into. Instead, she hunted for a bland question and came up with, ‘Where are you headed next week, Sam?’

‘Burwood.’

The military base near Christchurch. ‘Really going home, then, huh?’

‘Until the brass find some other place to send me.’

‘When was the last time you spent any time there?’

At first she didn’t think he was going to answer but finally he managed, ‘Ages ago. I haven’t seen Ma and Pa Creighton for far too long.’ Guilt lined his words and filled his eyes.

‘Who are they?’

‘They took me in to live with them when I was fourteen. The kindest folk you’d ever want to know.’

And he hadn’t been to see them for a while. She knew not to ask about that, and for once managed to keep quiet. Not that she stopped wondering what had happened that he’d needed a home back then. Where had his parents been? Had he been a welfare kid? She knew about them as when she’d been young her parents had fostered two boys slightly older than her whom she’d adored and had been devastated when they’d left to return to their families.

Then Sam interrupted her fruitless machinations. ‘Why did you join up?’

‘I was looking for something different to the usual track of building a big, fancy career in a private practice.’ She’d wanted out of her life as it had become. At least until she could face a future without the husband and children she’d always dreamed of.

‘That had been your initial goal?’

‘Yes. Then I had a change of mind.’ A near death experience could do that.

‘Going to tell me why?’

‘No.’ Then she added, before she could overthink it, ‘Not now.’ Explaining about the fire and the ensuing disaster would be hard. But hard didn’t begin to explain the consequences that had followed that terrifying night. ‘I guess eventually I’ll go back to that idea but not yet.’ But would she?

The army had taken her away from home and the hideous memories, from her concerned family with their endless suggestions of how to get back on track. There were awful memories ground so deep she’d never expunge them, but they were slightly easier to ignore when she wasn’t living and working in her home town. Something she owed her sister for. She wouldn’t have chosen the army as a cure if not for Maggie’s suggestion—nagging, more like—that it could be a way to reinvent herself. She’d grabbed that thought and signed up without thinking too hard about what she was letting herself in for. Desperation made people do strange things.

On the plus side, her body was fitter, more muscular and in the best shape it had ever been. Her smart mind was faster, sharper, and yet only now was it dawning on her what she had landed herself in.

So much for being intelligent. Hope I haven’t messed up big time.

Too bad if she had. The only way out of here was by court-martial or in a wooden box. Not options worthy of consideration. Yet she was supposed to be getting over horrors, not facing new ones. By the end of her tour, far from the comfort of home and her well-meaning but over-protective family, she fully intended knowing what she wanted to do with the rest of her life, and the past would be exactly that. The past. That was the plan anyway. Except plans had a way of going off track.

‘I hear uncertainty in that answer.’ No challenge sparked in the eyes now locked on her. Instead curiosity ruled.

Her natural instinct was to pull down the shutters. Habit was a strong taskmaster. Since the fire, she was done with showing anything but the truth, even a watered-down version, so she usually kept quiet. But now she was starting over? Straightening her already straight spine, she said, ‘I haven’t got any long-term plans at the moment. I’m taking everything one day at a time. Or one tour anyway.’ Now she’d said too much.

He nodded, said quietly, ‘You and I have something in common.’

Hideous memories? Pain? Fear? She hoped not. She didn’t wish bad things on him. ‘You aren’t going to be a soldier for ever?’

‘No idea. I had planned on it, but now who knows?’

That sounded lame, but before she could ask Sam to expand on what he’d said Jock appeared in their cramped area.

Sam looked down at his patient. ‘Think we’re about done. You?’

‘The guy didn’t make it.’

Madison’s head flicked back and forth between the two men, then she locked on Sam. ‘This isn’t uncommon, is it?’

‘Losing a patient? No.’ That get-me-anything smile was back in place, but his serious voice didn’t match it. Could be Sam was hiding his own despair at what they dealt with.

Hairs lifted on her neck. ‘Sam?’ His name fell out of her mouth.

‘You’re in a brutal environment now, Madison.’

Phew. He thought she was thinking about the medical work. Better than him knowing the truth. ‘I get that,’ she replied.

He went on. ‘It takes time to get used to the injuries we see here, especially what causes them, but if you don’t you’ll sink.’

‘I’m hardly likely to do that.’ She could feel her muscles tightening. Stop it. New approach, remember? No more getting uptight over everything. Forcing the tension aside, she tried for normal. ‘But thanks for the warning. I’ll be on guard.’

‘You’d better be. For all our sakes.’ His words were sharp, but the smile that accompanied them lessened any suspected blow. It was genuine, not full of I’m-so-cool attitude.

‘You’ll have to trust me on this, Sam.’ Huh? That was a big ask. There wasn’t room for trust in manoeuvres with an unproven soldier. That’s how people died, or so the training officers back home had hammered home.

Sam’s smile faltered, slid away. ‘I will.’ Forceps clanged against the steel of a kidney dish, loud in the sudden silence. ‘But if you find you’re struggling I’m not bad at listening.’

Now, there was an offer she’d have to decline. Talking one on one with Sam with no one else around about personal concerns would be taking things way too far. Shame. It could be good to sit over a coffee and chat about life in general, learn a few snippets about what made him tick. There was a depth to him that drew her in, intrigued her. ‘Strange how real life is way different from those lofty ideas I had at school. Nothing turns out as sweet and easy as it looked then.’

Grief shot through his eyes, darkening them to a dull, wintry day. There was a storm in there, swirling emotions moving too fast to catch. ‘Time we talked about something else, Madison.’ There was no force behind his words, just a low, please-stop-this tone.

‘Fair enough,’ she answered equally quietly, more than happy to oblige. But what sore had she scratched?

‘You caved too easily.’ He stepped away from the bed, rolling his shoulders, pulling up a grin that didn’t fit quite right.

Aha. He definitely hid behind that mouth, those grins. ‘Lack of sleep catching up.’

‘That explains why you’ve also gone quiet,’ Sam gulped around another grin. ‘You sure you’re who I think you are?’

‘Probably not.’ She wasn’t recognising herself at the moment.

He came around the bed to stand directly in front of her. His finger tilted her chin so she had to meet his gaze. The intimacy of the gesture shocked her, but she didn’t want to pull away. Waiting for him to say whatever was on his mind made her nervous. Her jaws locked, while her brain spilled words she struggled not to utter.

His finger slid over her jaw before he removed his hand and stepped back. ‘I like having someone from my time at Christchurch High School turn up here. That was a good place in my life and you’ve brought back memories even if you weren’t involved.’

Her head spun. ‘You haven’t kept in touch with guys from school?’

‘Not really. I couldn’t wait to get out of town at the time, not realising how lucky I was to live there.’

‘So visiting Christchurch doesn’t happen often?’

Sam shook his head at her. ‘Unfortunately not. Life has a tendency to throw curve balls just when I think I’m ready to go back there and maybe look into setting up a practice.’ Those summer-blue eyes quickly darkened back to winter.

‘Well, well. I sure hit the nail on the head earlier.’ Jock stood beside them, looking from her to Sam and back.

‘Can it,’ Sam snapped. His shoulders were back to tight, and straighter than a ruler. His jaw pushed forward, and the winter in his gaze kicked up an ice storm.

‘If you’re done, let’s grab a coffee,’ Jock said as though nothing out of the ordinary had gone down.

The glove Sam was removing tore as he tugged it. ‘Nah. You entertain our new medic. I’ve got things to do.’

Contrition caught Madison. She didn’t know if she’d contributed to upsetting him, but she regretted it if she had. ‘Sam, I don’t understand what’s going on but, whatever it is, I am sorry.’

‘You haven’t put a foot wrong.’ He stared at her, a war going on in his face. ‘The thing is, Madison, I’m at the end of my tour of duty, you’re at the beginning.’ He swallowed hard. ‘So good luck. You’re going to need it.’ He turned and stormed out of the room.

Madison stared after him, regret at his abrupt departure swamping her. ‘What just happened?’

Jock shrugged. ‘Welcome to the Peninsula. It does strange things to the sanest of us at times. Sam will be his usual self by sun-up.’ But his gaze was worried as he stared after his friend.

* * *

Sam did three laps of the perimeter, walking hard and fast. His breathing was rapid, while his body dripped with sweat despite the cooler night air.

‘Damn it, Madison, get out of my head.’ He didn’t want her lurking in there, reminding him of the future he’d once longed for. The future that had held a wife and family, people to shower with love, to protect and give himself to. The future that was no longer his to have.

He looked around, hoped no one had heard his outburst. Only went to show what a state Maddy’s arrival had got him into if he was talking to himself out loud. Might get locked up if the wrong person overheard him. A week in the cells would keep him clear of Madison. Now, that could be a plus.

Why had the arrival of Maddy, someone he’d barely known so long ago, flipped up all the pain and anguish he kept hidden deep within himself?

Stopping his mad charge, he leaned a shoulder against the fence, drawing in deep gulps of sticky air. None of this ranting was helping. This was when he missed his pal the most, missed venting about things that stirred him up.

William had filled a gap in his life in a similar way to how Ma and Pa Creighton had filled in for his mother when she’d died. Sam’s skin tightened. The guilt he’d carried over his friend’s death stymied everything he thought he might do next with his life. Having fun when his friend was beyond it was not possible. Finding happiness with a woman was undeserved and to be avoided at all costs in case he ruined it for her.

Sam shoved away from the fence, began jogging, his shoes slapping the hard soil and raising dust.

Voices and laughter beckoned as he passed the open door of the officers’ canteen where the rest of the crew, including Madison, would be drinking tea and eating cookies to replace the nervous energy they’d expended in Theatre. Operating on victims of gunfire or a bombing made everyone uneasy, reminding them why the army was there. Reminding them all that any one of them could be the next on the operating table. He should be in there, relaxing, cracking jokes, putting the day to bed, not out here, winding himself into a knot of apprehension.

He continued jogging.

Until his heart lurched, forcing his legs to slow then stop. A harsh laugh escaped him. He’d been so busy thinking about Madison he hadn’t seen her in the shadows laid across the ground from the mess building. She shuffled across the parade ground, her arms hanging at her sides, her chin resting on her sternum. Close to lifeless.

‘Hey,’ he whispered softly, almost afraid she’d hear and straighten up, put strength back in her muscles and pretend she was fine. The picture before him was honest, and punched him in the gut. This was a new picture. One thing he did remember was that Maddy had always been energy personified. Not right at this moment, though. Neither had she been earlier when she’d come off that plane.

Oh, Maddy, what has happened to you?

A shaft of pain sliced into him. For her. He didn’t want her suffering, hurting, crying on the inside.

Madison paused her slow progress, glanced around. Had she heard his footfalls on the dirt? Was she aware of him? She took a couple of steps. Guess not. Then she stopped again, leaned back and stared up at the sky where a myriad of stars sparkled. Her hands lifted to her hips as she gazed upwards. The outline of her breasts aiming skyward forced the air out of his lungs.

Beautiful. Even in her overtired state she was the most alluring woman he’d come across, from that attractive short hair right down to the tips of her boots.




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