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Falling For His Best Friend
Emily Forbes
They’ve been friends for ever…But now he wants so much more!When nurse Kitty Nelson becomes a surrogate for her sister, her best friend paramedic Joe Harkness is right there for her. But as Kitty’s pregnancy blossoms Joe begins to see her in a very different light! Finally he admits a connection he’s never felt with anyone else—is it too late to convince Kitty they’re meant to be?


They’ve been friends forever...
But now he wants so much more!
When nurse Kitty Nelson becomes a surrogate for her sister, her best friend paramedic Joe Harkness is right there for her. But as Kitty’s pregnancy blossoms, Joe begins to see her in a very different light! Finally admitting a connection he’s never felt with anyone else, is it too late to convince Kitty they’re meant to be?
EMILY FORBES is an award-winning author of Medical Romance for Mills & Boon. She has written over 25 books and has twice been a finalist in the Australian Romantic Book of the Year Award, which she won in 2013 for her novel Sydney Harbour Hospital: Bella’s Wishlist. You can get in touch with Emily at emilyforbes@internode.on.net (mailto:emilyforbes@internode.on.net), or visit her website at emily-forbesauthor.com (http://www.emily-forbesauthor.com).
Also by Emily Forbes
His Little Christmas Miracle
A Love Against All Odds
Falling for the Single Dad
Waking Up to Dr Gorgeous
One Night That Changed Her Life
Tempted & Tamed miniseries
A Doctor by Day…
Tamed by the Renegade
A Mother to Make a Family
Discover more at millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk).
Falling for His Best Friend
Emily Forbes


www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
ISBN: 978-1-474-07489-6
FALLING FOR HIS BEST FRIEND
© 2018 Emily Forbes
Published in Great Britain 2018
by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF
All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental.
By payment of the required fees, you are granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right and licence to download and install this e-book on your personal computer, tablet computer, smart phone or other electronic reading device only (each a “Licensed Device”) and to access, display and read the text of this e-book on-screen on your Licensed Device. Except to the extent any of these acts shall be permitted pursuant to any mandatory provision of applicable law but no further, no part of this e-book or its text or images may be reproduced, transmitted, distributed, translated, converted or adapted for use on another file format, communicated to the public, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of publisher.
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www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
For Sheila.
Thank you for being a true champion of Medical Romance. We couldn’t do it without you!
We have had a long association now, and I have enjoyed it all. I look forward to many more years, and books, together.
With love and appreciation,
Emily
Contents
Cover (#u934caeb4-ba75-5825-8062-3d418fd86180)
Back Cover Text (#u47be7238-73ea-5586-8909-18c84aab5137)
About the Author (#u6b98bbc9-c07d-5c2e-a6bc-816dd20b4cb5)
Booklist (#u3c221896-edde-5dfc-bb3a-ef606aec63b1)
Title Page (#u8bf98acb-2c0e-5235-9cc1-607bfd66e820)
Copyright (#u9b89e827-cace-5cfa-a216-a2a45166c47e)
Dedication (#uc2735eb6-1416-5d6f-9498-6b014f4bba47)
CHAPTER ONE (#u32afa62e-8427-51c4-b13c-408985205ae0)
CHAPTER TWO (#u440e4bf9-28ac-57e6-8d4a-b5735f62b26c)
CHAPTER THREE (#u364eee58-ac49-5099-8abd-fe2b5a513375)
CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#ud0fc4077-b622-5798-99d0-7c1eb8864ca0)
‘YOU’RE DOING WHAT?’ Mike’s eyes looked as though they were about to pop out of his skull. ‘If you think I’m going to sit here and listen while you tell me you’re having another man’s baby—’
‘I haven’t committed to anything yet,’ Kitty interrupted, quickly trying to ease the tension. She hated it when he lost his temper. ‘I’m just thinking about it.’
‘Well, you’d better stop thinking about it.’
‘And it’s not another man’s baby,’ she added. She knew she should just keep quiet. Her argument would only serve to fan the flames of his aggravation but if they were going to discuss this she wanted a chance to state her case before this escalated into an argument.
‘Is it my baby?’
‘Well, no. It would be Cam’s.’
‘So that is another man. If you’re going to have babies they’d better damn well be with me.’
With Mike’s current attitude Kitty thought it very unlikely that she’d choose to have babies with him but she kept that thought to herself. ‘Well, technically it won’t be my baby either,’ she explained, stating the facts. ‘I’d just be the surrogate. It will be Jess and Cameron’s baby.’
‘Why on earth would you want to go through a pregnancy for someone else?’
‘You know why,’ Kitty stated flatly.
‘So, Cameron and Jess get a baby and you get fat.’
‘I’d be pregnant, not fat.’
‘Still, Cameron doesn’t have to put up with the hormones, the weight gain, the mood swings and the cravings but I do?’
‘Cameron and Jess have been through plenty already, I don’t think you can begrudge them this.’ In Kitty’s opinion, her sister and her brother-in-law had been through more than their fair share of physical and emotional stresses and she couldn’t see any reason why they should be expected to go through any additional stress if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.
‘Maybe you can’t, but at the end of it they’ll get a baby and what do I get? A girlfriend with stretch marks and leaking boobs.’
Kitty was pretty sure there was something she could take to stop the leaky boobs and who cared about a few stretch marks if she could give her sister the child she so desperately wanted. The addition that their family desperately needed.
But perhaps Mike had a point. They were supposed to be in a relationship, they were supposed to discuss big decisions like this, and that was exactly what she was trying to do, but if he wasn’t going to be reasonable, if he was going to behave like a spoilt brat—well, what did she expect? If she was honest, their relationship was usually about Mike and what he wanted. Their relationship was run on his terms.
Maybe it was time that changed.
* * *
Kitty pushed open the door of the Manly Pier Hotel and walked into the pub. After their discussion—Kitty refused to think of it as an argument—Mike had gone out for his regular monthly dinner with his friends from his med school days, and Kitty was relieved that he’d had a prior engagement. She didn’t want to continue their discussion all night, but she hadn’t wanted to sit at home on her own either. She needed to see a friendly face and she knew she’d find one in the pub that was a favourite among the staff from the North Sydney Hospital and other Manly Beach locals.
The DJ was warming up the crowd. Thursday nights were popular and the place was already busy. She scanned the room.
The crowd was dressed casually but expensively. Kitty hadn’t given her outfit a thought. She’d just needed to get out. She looked down at her clothes—jeans, an old T-shirt and canvas trainers. Luckily the dress code for women was never strict but at five feet four inches she felt like an untidy slip of a woman in a room full of glamourous shiny Amazons. She’d pulled her dark hair back into a messy ponytail, not even bothering to brush it, and she doubted any of the make-up she’d sparingly applied that morning was still clinging to her face but it was too late to worry about her looks now. Thankfully her friends and colleagues were unlikely to be done up to the nines. Anything smarter than hospital scrubs was deemed to be making an effort.
There were plenty of familiar faces in the pub and Kitty said hello to several people as she made her way through the room without pausing to chat for too long. There was one face in particular she was looking for and she didn’t want to waste time on other conversations. She wasn’t in a particularly sociable mood.
She skimmed over the DJ and looked past him out onto the deck that stretched into the harbour. The Manly ferry was docking at the quay, its lighted windows bright against the twilight sky, and silhouetted against the darkening sky was the person she was looking for.
Joe Harkness.
His broad-shouldered, six-foot frame stood a head above the bevy of women who surrounded him—no surprises there. His short, brown hair was expertly groomed to give him the I just stepped out of the shower look and he was laughing at someone’s comment. His blue eyes flashed as he laughed and the dimple in his chin only added to his appeal as the women eyed him adoringly. He had a beer in one hand and his other arm slung around the shoulders of one of the women. Again, no surprise. Her life may be a bit of a mess but she could always rely on Joe to be consistent. Happy, charming and gorgeous, he had a constant stream of women moving in and out of his life, there was never a shortage, and Kitty was grateful that he always seemed to have time for her. She didn’t want to be one of a string of girlfriends, she wanted to be just what she was—his closest friend.
They’d been friends for almost ten years since meeting on their first day at nursing college. Kitty had been straight out of high school, Joe a couple of years older, having taken a gap year or two before starting university. They’d finished nursing together but had ultimately ended up going in different directions career-wise. She worked in the emergency department at the North Sydney Hospital and Joe had continued his studies and was now an intensive care paramedic. He was based at the ambulance station attached to the hospital, but even if they hadn’t ended up in such close proximity Kitty knew they would still have remained friends. In her opinion, everyone needed a Joe in their life. Someone dependable and loyal. He understood her and he never judged her.
Kitty checked out the unfamiliar woman who was under Joe’s arm and wondered who she was. A new girlfriend or just a friend? She hoped it was a new girlfriend. She didn’t want Joe to have other female friends. Girlfriends never stayed in his life for long and she was happy to tolerate them. She didn’t need to worry about them taking her position as his favourite. She knew he was in no hurry to settle down. He’d told her as much often enough, and she selfishly hoped he meant it. His parents had hardly instilled faith in him about the joys of matrimony or the sanctity of marriage and that pleased Kitty. She didn’t want to share him, and she worried that a serious relationship might mean he wouldn’t have room for her in his life any more. She needed him and she couldn’t imagine not having him in her life.
Joe spotted her as she made her way towards him and he smiled and removed his arm from the woman’s shoulders as he stepped forward to greet Kitty. Seeing him so casually separate himself from the woman gave her a tiny ping of satisfaction. New girlfriend or not, she was still more important.
‘Hey, what are you doing here?’ His smile brought out the dimple in his chin even further and his blue eyes sparkled. ‘I thought you said you couldn’t make it,’ he said as he looked over her shoulder. She knew who he was looking for even as he asked, ‘Where’s Mike?’
‘Out.’
‘What’s going on?’
Kitty heard the concern in his voice and that was enough to get the tears to well up in her dark brown eyes but she wasn’t going to explain her circumstances in front of a complete stranger. She shuffled from foot to foot as Joe excused himself from the women around him. He looped his arm over Kitty’s shoulder. ‘Come on. It looks like you could use a drink.’ He shepherded her across the room as he continued to talk, giving her time and space to get her own thoughts together. ‘Does Mike know you’re here?’
‘No.’ She shook her head as she replied and dislodged two fat tears that spilled from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She wiped them away with the back of her hand but she wasn’t fast enough to stop Joe from noticing.
‘What happened? He didn’t hit you, did he?’ Joe was looking at her carefully. She knew she looked like a mess. Her hair was dishevelled, her eyes red-rimmed and her face was pale. She looked like a woman who’d fled without bothering to brush her hair or grab anything but her handbag.
‘No! It’s nothing like that.’ She was appalled that he might think she’d be in an abusive relationship. She knew he’d seen plenty of domestic violence cases in his role as a paramedic. She’d seen more than her fair share presenting to Emergency as well—too many—and they’d convinced her that she would never stay in a physically abusive relationship.
But what about an emotionally abusive one? After the initial honeymoon period in her relationship with Mike she was beginning to wonder if things were changing. And not for the better.
‘We had an argument.’ She had to admit that was what it was.
‘Well, I’m sure it won’t be the last one.’
‘I think it could be,’ she admitted. ‘I think we might be over.’ It was a scary thought. Kitty didn’t like being on her own. In fact, she dreaded it and she knew her fear of being alone often caused her to persevere with relationships for longer than she should, but this disagreement with Mike was likely to be the beginning of the end of their relationship. She knew she couldn’t stay with him unless he changed his mind.
Early on in their relationship she’d loved the fact that he’d wanted to be her everything. She’d been adrift, lonely, she’d wanted someone to lean on, to make decisions for her, someone who wanted to be all she needed, but did he only want to love her on his terms? Did he even love her? He must know how big a decision this was for her, how she needed his support. If he really was going to push her on this issue then maybe it was time she stood her ground. Staying with him just because it was better than being alone wasn’t a good enough reason any more. Not when there could be so much at stake. If she didn’t offer to be a surrogate now, Jess and Cam might never get the baby they wanted.
Kitty wanted to be loved but on her terms.
She needed to move on from this relationship. She was stronger now. She could be on her own.
She could do this.
She wanted to do this.
And if this worked out she wouldn’t be alone. She’d be pregnant. You couldn’t be less alone when you were physically attached to another human. A baby would fill all the empty, lonely spots in her heart, satisfy her need to be loved and to have someone to love in return. A baby could be the answer to so many prayers and the solution to so many problems.
A baby was just what her family needed.
* * *
Joe struggled to keep the smile off his face as he guided Kitty to one end of the bar where the crowd was marginally thinner. Even though he’d never pretended to like the guy, he had tolerated Mike for Kitty’s sake, but he wasn’t going to pretend that he’d be unhappy to see him gone from her life.
He held up two fingers, indicating his order, and waited for the barman to pour two beers. ‘Talk to me,’ he said as he handed a drink to Kitty. He couldn’t imagine what had brought this about but whatever it was he was grateful.
Kitty took a long sip of her beer. Joe could see her hand shaking. He’d seen her agitated, upset and emotionally fragile before, but lately she’d seemed to be getting back on top of things. Her life, while certainly not without its dramas and tragedies in the past, had been on a fairly even keel for the past few months and he’d thought she was doing well.
‘Jess and Cam want to have a baby,’ Kitty said.
‘Is that possible?’ he asked. A couple of years ago Kitty’s sister had been diagnosed with uterine cancer and Joe knew she’d undergone chemotherapy, and he thought the surgeon had performed a total hysterectomy.
‘Not in the traditional sense,’ Kitty confirmed, ‘but Jess froze her eggs before her treatment and now they want to have a baby. They need a surrogate.’
‘What’s that got to do with you and Mike?’ He couldn’t see how or why this would affect Kitty and Mike’s relationship but as Kitty looked up at him he could see the answer in her eyes. ‘You?’
Kitty nodded.
‘You want to be their surrogate?’ The penny dropped. ‘And Mike wasn’t happy about the idea?’
‘He doesn’t want me having another man’s baby.’
Joe could understand that. If Kitty was his girlfriend, he might even feel the same way. But he wasn’t about to side with Mike. He didn’t particularly like the guy, and if Mike was prepared to give Kitty up over this issue then he definitely didn’t deserve her.
‘He doesn’t get that it’s not my baby. You know how important Jess is to me. She’s all I’ve got. I don’t even know if it’s possible to do this but if I can do this for them, I will. He can’t stop me.’
‘Did he try to?’
‘He just told me that if I intend to go ahead with this then he’s not going to stick around. I think he expects me to choose him but you know I can’t.’
‘You’ve left?’
‘Not yet,’ she replied. ‘We both need some time. I still need to talk to Jess, and I’m hoping Mike might change his mind once he’s had a chance to think it over, but if he doesn’t then I will make my choice.’
Joe couldn’t imagine Mike backing down. He was a surgeon and had the ego to go with his profession. Joe didn’t think he was madly in love with Kitty and he imagined Mike would see the surrogacy as an assault to his masculinity. He thought Kitty was going to be disappointed if she expected Mike to change his opinion.
‘What can I do?’ Joe asked. He would do anything for her. Always had. Always would.
‘I need a place to stay,’ she told him. ‘If I stay at Mike’s it will give him an opportunity to try to talk me out of this. I need a bit of space while I work out how to handle this, and I can’t stay with Jess. If she knew what had happened tonight she’d try and talk me out of my decision as well, and I’m doing this for me as much as for her and Cam. Can I stay at your place? On the couch would be fine, I don’t want to cramp your style.’
‘Of course.’ If all she needed from him was a place to stay while she got things sorted then that’s what he would give her. And if it meant Kitty went ahead with the idea and Mike ended the relationship Joe wasn’t going to pretend he didn’t like the sound of that. ‘And just for the record, I think it’s a fantastic gesture,’ he added. He would be as supportive as possible of this exercise.
‘Thank you. I knew you’d understand.’
Her brown eyes were still shiny with tears but at least they weren’t spilling over her cheeks any more, although she still looked as if she needed a hug. He opened his arms and she stepped into his embrace. He wrapped his arms around her, closed his eyes briefly and inhaled the familiar vanilla scent of her shampoo as he comforted her.
He hated seeing her upset and he would go to just about any lengths to protect her. He had friends, lots of them, but none of his friendships enjoyed the same closeness that he and Kitty shared. Both of them found something in their relationship that they didn’t get from anyone else. That sense of being understood without the need for explanation. He wasn’t close to his family and avoided serious romantic relationships, but his relationship with Kitty was proof that he was capable of sustaining a meaningful connection.
It proved to him that he wasn’t a complete emotional failure. That he could love someone and maintain a long-term relationship, even if it was platonic. He didn’t doubt he wasn’t cut out for marriage and commitment. He had no evidence that long-term monogamy was for him. His parents certainly hadn’t subscribed to that ideology, they’d had five marriages between them, and Joe himself knew he grew bored and irritated if any of his romantic relationships stretched past a few months.
Some of his friends were convinced that he just hadn’t met the perfect girl but Joe wasn’t sure she existed. Even perfection had a use-by date in his opinion. From what he’d seen, marriages ended in one of three ways—divorce, death or disinterest—and he didn’t see the point. But in the absence of other relationships his connection with Kitty became even more important, and he would do whatever was necessary to maintain it. He intended to always be there for her in a way that others hadn’t been.
‘But if you’re going to do this,’ he told her, ‘then you need a long-term plan. You need to make some decisions about the next few months, not just about tonight.’
‘I know,’ she sighed, ‘but right now, tonight is all I can manage.’
CHAPTER TWO (#ud0fc4077-b622-5798-99d0-7c1eb8864ca0)
‘HOLY CRAP!’
Kitty was signing notes at the nurses’ station in the emergency department when the ED clerk’s exclamation interrupted her concentration. She looked up and saw Lisa’s eyes fixed on the wall-mounted television screen.
In the centre of the screen was a burning bus.
Orange flames leapt into the air from the rear and thick black smoke billowed around the vehicle and over several cars that had stopped haphazardly around it. In the background, Kitty could see a sandstone pylon and the heavy iron framework of the Harbour Bridge.
The time was fixed in the bottom right hand corner of the screen. Eight thirty-four a.m. Morning rush hour. This was happening in the middle of her city, a few kilometres from her hospital, and the images were being broadcast live from one of the news helicopters.
Kitty’s heart was racing. What was going on? Was it a bomb? In the middle of Sydney?
The volume was muted on the television but Kitty could read the words scrolling across the screen under the picture.
Bus goes up in flames.
Harbour Bridge closed.
Morning traffic disrupted.
Use alternative route.
Traffic had come to a standstill but there was no mention of what had caused the bus to catch fire.
Kitty couldn’t tear her eyes from the fiery disaster that was unfolding on the screen in front of her as the helicopter camera zoomed in on the chaos. People were out of their cars, doors left hanging open as they ran. Some ran towards the burning bus, others away. Kitty could see a man with a fire extinguisher aimed futilely at the flames as people stumbled from the bus. He was joined by another half-dozen men, all wearing hi-visibility vests and hard hats, and a couple were carrying additional fire extinguishers, but from what Kitty could see the extra hands were having no impact on the fire.
The live feed widened to show the emergency vehicles, the ambulances and fire engines, their red and blue lights absorbed by the thick cloud of black smoke as they weaved their way through the stationary cars on the bridge.
The images from the helicopter cut out and were replaced by a reporter standing on the bridge, a microphone held up to her mouth and the burning bus behind her. How the hell had she got through the traffic and the chaos? Sitting on the ground around her were several people who looked dazed and shocked. Some were coughing and Kitty wondered if they were passengers from the bus.
Lisa grabbed the remote and pressed a button, increasing the volume until they could hear the reporter’s commentary.
‘...on the Harbour Bridge, where a city-bound commuter bus has gone up in flames near the northern end. Witnesses say twenty to thirty passengers have been evacuated but there may still be people trapped inside the bus...’
Kitty didn’t want to see the reporter. She wanted the camera to go back to the accident—she was looking for Joe. But the reporter continued to talk.
‘There is no word yet on what caused the fire. Commuters say there was a loud explosion, and you can see behind me that the windows of the bus have all been blown out.’
The camera panned to the bus, zooming in on the accident, and Kitty searched the scene.
‘The heat is intense, the sky is thick with black smoke and there is a terrible odour in the air. Paramedics are treating victims for smoke inhalation as firefighters try to get the blaze under control.’
Kitty’s eyes flicked from one paramedic to another, from one blue uniform to the next, but she couldn’t see Joe. She knew he was working this morning and that crews from the station at the North Sydney Hospital would be some of the closest to the scene. Maybe he was on another call-out? As long as he was safe, she thought—just as she saw a familiar shape at the side of the screen. Smoke was obscuring the image, but she recognised the way he moved.
Joe.
He was running straight at the bus. Her eyes followed his path as he came further into view in the centre of the television screen. There was a man standing in the doorway of the bus, his back to Joe. He was bent over, and he looked like he was struggling with something. Kitty realised he was dragging someone from the bus. And then Joe was there, followed by two other paramedics.
The standing man stepped out of the way as the paramedics threw a blanket over the man who lay in the doorway before lifting him from the bus and putting him on a stretcher.
Kitty could see the other man swaying as he stood next to the bus. Just when he looked as if he was about to collapse Joe caught him and laid him on the ground.
The camera panned out again and the reporter was in the foreground of the shot, blocking Kitty’s view. She could see the man lying on the ground but she couldn’t see Joe. He wouldn’t have gone into the bus, would he? Surely not? That would be the firefighters’ job. But was he far enough away? What if there was another explosion?
‘Firefighters are struggling to douse the flames engulfing a city-bound bus on the Harbour Bridge,’ the reporter repeated. ‘All lanes on the bridge are closed until the danger is contained. It appears that the bus has now been evacuated with reports that two men, the driver and a passenger, are being treated for burns, but there are no reports of any fatalities at this stage and still no information as to the cause of the fire.’
There was an increase in activity in the background and finally the camera cut away from the reporter and back to the bus. Kitty could see ambulances, their doors open and lights flashing as the picture showed someone being loaded in through the back doors of one of them.
And there was Joe. Back in view. She couldn’t see his face but she didn’t need to. He was instantly recognisable. It was more than the width of his shoulders and the shape of his head. It was the way he moved. Purposeful, composed. Unflappable, measured. Despite the chaos of his surroundings he projected calmness. He always seemed to know what he was doing. Not like her. So often she felt completely lost unless he was there to anchor her. Joe had been there for her in the toughest of times, but he’d never seemed to need her in the same way.
He was leaning over one of the victims, but he looked awfully close to the burning bus. Too close. Kitty’s heart was still racing. She was trapped in a terrible feeling of helplessness. What if something happened to him?
She tried to push that thought aside as she saw him loading his patient onto the stretcher. She couldn’t bear to think of something happening to Joe. He was a constant, solid, reassuring presence, the calm through so many of her storms, and she couldn’t imagine her life without him in it. She turned away from the television as Joe disappeared from the screen, willing him to hurry before anything else could go wrong.
He would be on his way to her now. She knew he would be coming to her hospital. She needed to see him, to reassure herself he was OK.
Lisa muted the television as Kitty brought her focus back to the task at hand. The ambulances would be arriving soon. They needed to be ready. The paramedics would be turning around and bringing the injured to the North Sydney Hospital. They might not be the closest but they were on the right side of the bridge, on the same side of the harbour. They would be the most easily accessible emergency department, and they had a burns unit. Time was of the essence, especially for burns victims.
Kitty grabbed aprons and left Lisa to deal with the patients waiting for attention. She would have to explain to them that there was a bigger emergency that had to be dealt with before they could be seen.
Davina, the charge nurse, was assembling her troops and assigning them to teams. Kitty saw Mike arrive, tying his apron over his scrubs. She hadn’t seen him since she’d walked out three days ago. Hadn’t worked with him, hadn’t taken his calls. She’d replied to his messages but that had been all she’d been capable of. She hadn’t felt ready for another discussion that would more than likely end in another argument. She needed to have her argument prepared.
She breathed a sigh of relief when she wasn’t assigned to Mike’s team. She had no idea if that had been deliberate on Davina’s part, she didn’t think anyone knew about what was going on, but she was grateful. She needed to focus and she didn’t need the distraction of worrying about what Mike may or may not be thinking.
‘The information I’ve got is that we have two burns victims coming in. Priority One. Mike, you take the first one, his injuries are more extensive and you’ve got the most experience. Anna,’ she said, nodding at the other doctor, ‘your team can take the other. We’ll triage any other patients on arrival,’ Davina finished as the first ambulance pulled in to the emergency bay.
Kitty pulled on a pair of disposable gloves and craned her neck as the ambulance doors opened, trying to see which paramedics were in attendance.
She couldn’t see Joe.
‘Young adult male. Unresponsive. Burns to his legs and arms.’ She heard the information being disseminated as the patient was wheeled past her but she was already turning away, turning back to the road, on the lookout for the next ambulance.
She waited nervously, hoping the next unit would bring Joe. When her parents had been killed in a car accident, and again when Jess had been diagnosed with cancer and throughout her treatment, Kitty had always been able to rely on him and she couldn’t imagine how she would cope if anything happened to him.
She shook her head, clearing her mind as another ambulance pulled in. Anna had her hand on the rear door and she swung it open. Kitty exhaled as Joe emerged from the back. Broad shoulders, long legs, spiky hair. Strong and solid. He reached for the stretcher, pulling it from the ambulance. He bent his head and she could see him talking to his patient. His voice would be calm, reassuring.
Kitty stepped closer as Joe’s partner slammed the driver’s door and came to help manoeuvre the stretcher.
Joe was filthy. His uniform was covered in black soot and Kitty could smell smoke, diesel fuel and burning rubber. The smell seemed to have permeated the clothes of the paramedics and the victim, but at least Joe appeared to be in one piece.
‘Hey! I thought I might find you here,’ he said as she fell into step alongside him.
‘You’re OK?’ she asked. When he nodded she glanced over his shoulder. ‘How many more are there?’
‘Only two seriously injured. The rest are smoke inhalation victims and assorted, non-life-threatening orthopaedic injuries.’
Kitty knew it could have been worse. Joe didn’t say anything in front of their patient but Kitty could hear in his voice and she’d seen the scene for herself. Two burns victims, no fatalities and some people suffering from smoke inhalation and a few fractures was a pretty good outcome. It could have been much worse. But their patient didn’t need to hear that.
‘This is Carlos, the bus driver, fifty-three years old, second-degree burns to his hands and arms. Smoke inhalation but airway not compromised.’
Kitty looked down at Carlos. He had a sheet pulled halfway up his chest covering his arms but she could see an ID badge on his shirt pocket and she could just make out the bus company logo. His shirt, like Joe’s, was blackened with soot, and he had an oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth but Kitty took that to be a precautionary measure given Joe’s summary.
As they pushed the stretcher through the hospital doors and into an exam room, Joe drew back the sheet that had been tented over Carlos’s forearms in an attempt to protect him from exposure to bacteria. His hands were bright pink, the skin blistered and hairless, and the burns extended halfway up his forearms. Someone had inserted an IV cannula into his elbow but no fluids had been connected. His transfer had been less than thirty minutes so there had been no urgency.
Kitty grabbed a slide board and prepared to transfer Carlos from the stretcher. She stood next to Joe and waited while Anna and the other paramedic carefully rolled Carlos. She and Joe slid the board under their patient.
‘On three.’ The transfer went smoothly and Joe and his partner stepped out of the way, removing their stretcher and leaving Kitty and Anna to get to work. With a wink in her direction, Joe was gone.
Kitty didn’t waste time. Anna was cutting Carlos’s shirt away as Kitty replaced his oxygen mask and attached monitors. She and Anna worked together well. She was an experienced ED doctor and Kitty liked working with her. She was methodical and didn’t miss much.
‘Carlos, I’m Dr Lewis. Kitty and I will look after you. Do you have any medical issues we need to be aware of? Any heart problems, diabetes? Anything like that?’
Carlos shook his head.
‘I’m just going to take your oxygen mask off to check your airway,’ Anna explained softly.
Kitty recorded Carlos’s heart rate, blood pressure and respiration rate while Anna did her examination. She replaced the oxygen mask with tubing once Anna was finished, looping it over his ears and sliding the pegs into his nose. She recorded his oxygen levels as Anna kept talking.
‘We need to replace your lost fluid and get these burns cleaned up. I’m going to give you something for the pain, OK?’
They worked quickly through their initial assessment, needing to get a handle on the extent of Carlos’s injuries. Some, like his burned skin, were obvious but damage to his lungs was less easy to spot and more likely to cause problems, although often not for a day or two. They had to prioritise.
Anna attached a bag of saline to the cannula in Carlos’s elbow to replace the fluids he’d lost while Kitty distracted him, asking questions about his family. ‘Is there anyone you want us to call?’
‘The paramedics called my wife. Someone is bringing her to the hospital, but can you tell me how the boy is?’ His voice was raspy and breathless. It sounded painful to talk and Kitty was sure she’d heard correctly. Boy?
She frowned. Was Carlos delirious? Her gaze flicked to the monitors. His temperature was raised but not excessively. ‘What boy?’
‘The one I pulled from the bus. Did he make it?’
Kitty realised he was talking about the other victim. Their first patient. ‘You pulled him out?’ The vision she’d watched on the television flashed back in her mind. The man dragging the other body from the bus. The standing man. The one who’d looked as if he’d been about to collapse only Joe had caught him just in time. That had been Carlos. ‘Is that when you got burnt?’
Carlos nodded and struggled to talk. To explain. ‘When the fire started it was just a bit of smoke. I stopped and told everyone to get off but the boy only got as far as me and said something about his bag. He ran back down the aisle before I could stop him. Then something exploded. The windows of the bus blew out and he got caught in the flames. I couldn’t leave him.’
Kitty glanced at Anna, communicating mutely. Carlos would be hailed a hero, which meant the hospital would be swarming with media. They would all want a piece of him.
In silent consultation they agreed to take their time treating him, giving him a chance to catch his breath, and then they’d see if he wanted to make a statement. There were lots of variables and it wasn’t Kitty’s place to comment on what he should do.
‘He was in a bad way. Do you know how he is?’ Carlos asked, oblivious to the silent exchange going on between Kitty and Anna. He appeared to be more concerned about the boy than himself.
‘He’s here,’ Kitty told him. ‘He was brought in just before you. He’s being looked after.’
‘So he’s alive?’
‘As far as I know,’ she said. She didn’t know what else she could tell Carlos. She didn’t have any more information and she wouldn’t be able to disclose anything she did know. She was sure that if the boy survived he’d want to thank Carlos personally. She hoped so.
Anna and Kitty worked slowly and meticulously. They washed the burnt skin on Carlos’s arms and hands and debrided the blisters, applying antibiotic cream before carefully separating his fingers and wrapping them individually.
‘Will your wife be able to manage at home with you?’ Kitty asked as she finished wrapping the last finger. ‘We will need to keep you here for a few hours, just to keep an eye on you, but then if your readings are all within normal limits you’ll be able to go home. You’ll need to have some follow-up appointments for your lungs, though, and we will also make you an appointment with the burns unit in a few days. It’s here in the hospital. Will someone be able to drive you here?’
‘My wife doesn’t drive.’
‘That’s OK,’ Kitty replied. ‘I’ll speak to your employer. They will have to arrange transport for you seeing as this was a workplace accident. Is that OK with you?’
Carlos nodded.
‘All right, let’s get you comfortable and then I’ll pop out and see if your wife is here yet.’
Kitty ducked into the staff kitchen for a break while Carlos had a few minutes with his wife. As all the other accident victims were being taken care of she decided she’d take the chance to top up her caffeine level. As she’d expected, the waiting room was now crowded with reporters all wanting to get an interview with Carlos, but she’d leave that decision to him. She skirted the waiting room and was just adding sugar to her coffee when Mike walked in.
He looked tired and Kitty was worried that things hadn’t gone smoothly. He had been treating the boy from the bus, the one Carlos had saved. Kitty hoped it hadn’t been in vain. She forgot that she’d barely spoken to him since their argument. At work things were different. She could put her personal issues aside. She’d learnt to compartmentalise her life and, in fact, the hospital often provided an escape. For the most part, no matter how bad things were in her own life, work was a constant reminder that she wasn’t the only one suffering. On a couple of occasions she had felt that her life sucked more than her patients’, but she always found work to be a good distraction. Right now, her disagreement with Mike was minor compared to their day so far. Things weren’t so bad that she couldn’t reach out to him.
‘How did it go?’
‘He’s alive but he has burns to about thirty per cent of his body and to his airway. He’s been transferred to the burns unit.’ He ran his hands through his hair. ‘All because he left his laptop behind.’ He shook his head. It sounded ridiculous but Kitty guessed the boy hadn’t stopped to think about the consequences. Hadn’t thought about the risks. And now it was too late. What’s done was done. She knew better than most that there was no going back. The past couldn’t be changed no matter how much you might wish it.
Mike filled a glass from the water cooler. ‘When are you coming home?’ he asked over his shoulder.
‘That depends,’ she said, knowing she wasn’t telling the truth. She didn’t think she would be going back. ‘Have you changed your mind about my plans?’
‘No.’
Which meant he assumed she’d changed her mind.
‘Well, I haven’t either,’ she said.
His voice was quiet, his tone not malicious, but he sounded very definite as he said, ‘I’m not going to be a cuckold in my own house.’
That was part of the problem. Even though she’d moved in with him after six months and had now been living with him for five, it was still his house. Not theirs. He still held all the cards, still had all the control.
‘It’s hardly the same thing,’ she argued.
‘It is to me,’ he said as he drained his glass. ‘You will be pregnant with another man’s baby.’
‘But surely you can understand my reasons?’
He was shaking his head. ‘I can’t imagine what could possibly make you want to do this. Jess has other options.’
‘But she’s my sister!’ That was another part of the problem. He really didn’t get her need for family. He didn’t get her desperate desire to hold onto what was left of it.
‘IVF isn’t an option,’ Kitty said, even though Mike knew that. Jess had been diagnosed with uterine cancer three years ago and after harvesting and storing her eggs she’d had a total hysterectomy, meaning that the simplest option was not an option. ‘That leaves adoption or surrogacy. They’re not likely to be approved for adoption given Jess’s medical history, and finding someone else to offer to be a surrogate could take months—years even.’
Surrogacy in Australia was heavily legislated. Each state had its own laws and although New South Wales was a bit more lenient than other parts of the country, surrogate mothers couldn’t be paid. They could be reimbursed for their medical costs but couldn’t benefit financially, which meant that would-be parents needed to find someone who would do it out of the kindness of their hearts. It wasn’t like asking someone to mind your pets while you went on a holiday—you were asking someone to lend you their body for forty weeks or more. Asking someone to subject themselves to tests and procedures to fulfil your own dreams. It wasn’t easy.
Kitty closed her eyes and pictured Jess holding a baby. Her baby.
She opened her eyes and looked at Mike.
Those was her choices. Mike or her sister’s baby.
‘You can’t be their only solution,’ he said.
‘Maybe not,’ she replied. ‘But I am their best one.’
Mike’s pager beeped and he pulled it from his waistband to read the message. He glanced up and Kitty knew he was about to leave, but she also knew he’d want the last word. True to form he said, ‘If you want to do this you’ll have to do it without any help from me.’
He didn’t wait for a reply before he turned and left the room.
Kitty stood still for a moment, trying to figure out what had just happened. She thought about what she was doing. What she was giving up. Why was her sister’s happiness more important than her own?
Jess’s happiness would be shared by Kitty. If she could give her sister an opportunity to have a family then, by association, she would benefit too—she’d be giving herself more family. She did want a family of her own one day but she knew Mike wasn’t the man she would do that with. She had to believe her time would come, and meanwhile she’d do what she could. So she would grant Jess’s wish. That would bring her happiness too. Being a surrogate meant giving up Mike but it was a sacrifice Kitty was willing to make.
She was still standing in the centre of the room when Joe walked in.
‘Is everything OK?’ he asked. He’d changed into a clean uniform and washed his face. He looked good in his uniform. The blue suited him, brought out the colour of his eyes, but it was more than that. It was the air of responsibility it gave him. He wore it well. He looked strong, capable and dependable. All the things she knew him to be were accentuated by the uniform. ‘Rough day?’
She shook her head. ‘No worse than usual. I was just thinking...’
Joe grinned. ‘Should I be worried?’
She laughed. She hadn’t realised she’d felt like laughing but Joe could always lift her spirits. ‘Maybe,’ she replied.
‘What’s going on?’
‘You just missed Mike.’
‘And?’ He hesitated before asking, ‘You’re not thinking of moving back in?’
Kitty shook her head. ‘No. But we had another discussion about the surrogacy. I wasn’t prepared for it and I know I didn’t handle it all that well, but he’s still making it all about him.’ Like always, she nearly added but she stopped herself, realising that was unfair. At work Mike was single-minded, putting his patients’ needs first. He was focussed and dedicated—maybe all that effort at work made him think he deserved to be at the top of his own list of priorities away from work too, but sometimes she wished she felt as important to him as he felt to himself. ‘This isn’t about him,’ she continued. ‘It’s not even about me. It’s about Jess and Cam. Why can’t he see that?’
Joe raised an eyebrow. ‘You really want to hear my answer to that question?’
‘No, I guess not.’ Kitty managed a half-smile. ‘But I’m tired of feeling like my opinions don’t matter.’
‘So what next?’
‘I need to talk to Jess and Cam.’
‘You’re doing this?’
‘I am.’ She smiled. She’d made a decision and it felt good. She knew it was the right one. She hated being alone but she was willing to sacrifice her relationship with Mike in order to give her sister a baby. Family was more important to her than anything. She’d lost so many members of her family already. First her baby sister had died when Kitty had been just five years old and then, fourteen years later, both her parents had gone too. To offer Jess and Cam the baby they longed for would help to compensate for everything and everyone they’d already lost. ‘Provided Jess and Cam agree.’
‘I can’t imagine they won’t.’
‘No.’ Her smile widened. ‘It’s perfect. My family needs something good to look forward to, something positive, after everything that has happened.’ She needed it too. ‘I’ll go and see them after work today and then I need to find a new place to live.’
‘You know you’re welcome to stay with me for as long as you need to.’
‘Thanks, but I can’t put you out of your bed.’ Joe had already spent the past couple of nights on his couch, giving up his bed for Kitty, but that wasn’t a long-term solution. ‘You said yourself I needed a more permanent plan. I’ll figure something out.’
CHAPTER THREE (#ud0fc4077-b622-5798-99d0-7c1eb8864ca0)
KITTY STACKED THE empty dinner plates and took them into the kitchen. She had invited herself to Jess and Cam’s for dinner and had promised to do the dishes in return, but she wanted to have the discussion she had planned first. Her ultimate agenda was to raise her surrogacy suggestion.
‘A little while ago you mentioned that you were thinking about investigating the option of surrogacy using your frozen embryos,’ she said to them both as she returned to the table. ‘Have you done anything about that?’
‘Not officially,’ Cam replied. ‘We’ve done some research but it’s not a straightforward exercise. We think we’d like to find someone privately who’s willing to act as a surrogate but we’re not sure how to go about that. If we can’t find someone privately we’ll have to advertise and that’s tricky here, but we can’t afford to go overseas to do it. It’s not going to be easy.’
‘But we have to try,’ Jess added.
‘I know it’s not easy,’ Kitty said, looking into her sister’s dark eyes. A mirror of her own face looked back at her. There was no mistaking they were sisters. They had the same dark eyes and dark hair, although Jess’s was shorter and had grown back with a slight wave in it after the chemotherapy. Jess’s face was more oval than Kitty’s, whose own face could only be described as round. It made Kitty look young for her years but she was old enough to know what she was doing. She took a deep breath and held Jess’s gaze. ‘I would like to do it for you.’
‘What?’
‘I want to be your surrogate.’
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
‘You’re serious?’
Kitty nodded and Jess broke into a wide smile. She really was pretty when she smiled, Kitty thought as her sister bounced out of her chair and threw her arms around her. ‘I can’t believe this! Thank you!’
‘Why?’ Cam asked.
Cam’s reaction took Kitty by surprise. To be honest, she’d thought they’d both be ecstatic but while Jess was obviously delighted and grateful, Cameron was far more reserved.
‘That doesn’t matter, Cam,’ Jess remonstrated. ‘All that matters is that Kitty is offering.’ Jess was crying now as she continued to hug Kitty. Tears were running down her cheeks and soaking into Kitty’s shirt. Kitty was pretty sure they were happy tears.
‘I’m not saying I don’t appreciate your offer,’ Cam said as Jess finally let go of her little sister. ‘It’s very generous, but it’s not as simple as you might think. I expect we’ll all have questions, and one of mine is: why?’
In contrast, Jess didn’t appear to have any questions. Kitty knew she was far too emotional and too caught up in the idea that she could become a mum to worry about the intricacies and details, but Cam deserved answers.
‘You and Jess are my only family,’ Kitty explained. ‘You’re all I’ve got. If I can give you the baby that Jess desperately wants I get to expand my family. It’s a win-win situation.’
‘But you can have your own children,’ Cam argued. ‘You’re twenty-seven, this might take up the next two years of your life. Even if this works straight away it’s not like you can be pregnant tomorrow. There are meetings, counselling, legalities to sort through. Trust me, we know what’s involved, we’ve looked at everything. It’s not straightforward and it will take time. What if you want to have your own baby in the meantime?’
‘I’m not at the stage where I want to have a baby.’
‘But that might change at any point in the next year or two. And what about Mike? He’s older than you, what if he wants children sooner?’
Kitty shook her head. ‘I don’t think he wants that.’ It didn’t matter what he wanted, she wasn’t going to have babies with Mike anyway. She knew now more than ever that she didn’t want him to be the father of her children. He was too intense. Too controlling. She wanted someone fun. She needed someone fun. She needed someone to inject that into her life as well as her children’s. She knew she had a tendency to get a bit low and she needed laughter and light in her life. That’s why she loved being around Joe.
She didn’t mention that she’d broken up with Mike. If Jess thought it was because of her decision to offer to be their surrogate Kitty knew she might decline her offer, and she was desperate to do this. Desperate to give Jess the baby she wanted. That bit of news could wait for another day.
‘I want to do this.’ Kitty would put her life on hold indefinitely in order to give Jess the baby she wanted—the baby Kitty thought they all needed. ‘Can’t we at least investigate the idea?’
‘Yes.’ Jess was quick to agree and Kitty knew then that her offer had been accepted. She knew Cam didn’t have the heart to refuse his wife. Kitty knew he would give Jess anything she asked for if it were possible, and this just might be possible. At least they would get to try.
* * *
Kitty picked up the pen and signed on the dotted line next to Cam and Jess’s signatures. The lawyer witnessed their scrawls and stamped the pages. Signing the surrogacy agreement that had been drawn up was almost the final step in the process. Next their application would be reviewed by the IVF ethics committee and, if approved, she would become a surrogate. Not if, she told herself—when. She had to think positively. There was no reason not to think this wouldn’t go ahead.
Over the past two months she had been poked and prodded, examined and tested, but she didn’t mind. The tests hadn’t raised any red flags and she was told she was a good candidate. She knew the clinic would have preferred it if she had borne children already as it left less room for surprises or problems with the pregnancy and delivery, but it wasn’t a requirement in New South Wales, as it was in some other parts of the country, and for that Kitty was grateful. And the tests had given no indication that she wouldn’t have a normal pregnancy. She was a healthy twenty-seven-year-old. She was convinced there wouldn’t be any problems and fortunately that seemed to be the conclusion after all the tests were completed.
As a single woman in Sydney Kitty could access the medical care she needed as a surrogate. Jess and Cam had agreed to pay any out-of-pocket expenses, which could be quite costly, but they had no complaints. All three of them had attended a medical review at Jess and Cam’s fertility clinic and they had all undergone the mandatory counselling sessions, though fortunately they hadn’t been sent for independent psychiatric reviews. The lawyer had briefed them on their rights and obligations and had drawn up the agreement, and now they had one last hurdle. Kitty crossed her fingers that the ethics committee would approve their request.
* * *
‘Kitty Nelson?’
She looked up as the fertility nurse called her name. This was it.
She was going to be a surrogate. The ethics committee had approved their application and now, if everything went according to plan, in nine months’ time she would deliver a healthy baby for Jess and Cam, and her, to love.
Jess’s eggs had been fertilised and the embryos created. All that was left was the implantation.
Kitty stood up and Jess followed suit. Kitty was surprised to find her legs were shaky. There was a lot of expectation riding on today but she hadn’t realised she had felt the pressure. There wasn’t much about it she could control, but now that the moment had come she desperately hoped she would turn out to be the perfect host. The perfect surrogate for a perfect baby.
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to come in with you?’ Jess asked.
Kitty could hear the pleading note in her voice but she’d made up her mind and she was going to stand firm on this point.
She reached over and held Jess’s hand.
‘I don’t watch you and Cam making babies, I’m not going to let you watch me getting impregnated.’
Cam was by the window, looking out at the city streets several floors below, pacing up and down, already looking like an expectant father. Fortunately he hadn’t asked to watch.
‘Cam and I didn’t make this baby the traditional way.’
‘I know, but it would still be weird to have you in the room.’
‘But you’re happy for us to be there when the baby is born?’
Kitty nodded. ‘Of course!’ Although she’d have some ground rules then too—for instance, Cam would have to stay away from the business end, but she would discuss that later. Her first priority was to get pregnant.
‘OK,’ Jess said as she wrapped Kitty in a hug. ‘Good luck.’
Kitty could feel Jess’s bones as she hugged her sister back. She was still way too thin. ‘It’ll be fine.’
‘I can’t believe that in a matter of minutes you could be pregnant. I’m going to be a mum.’
If everything went to plan, Kitty thought, but she kept quiet. She needed to be in a positive frame of mind. She needed to believe this was going to work. A new life, a new member of the family to love, was just what they all needed. After their baby sister had drowned at the age of two, and then losing their parents in a car accident when Kitty was just nineteen, followed by Jess’s shock cancer diagnosis two and a half years ago, they needed something to look forward to.
She kissed Jess’s cheek and stepped back. ‘See you soon.’
* * *
Joe was watching the clock, hoping he didn’t get a last-minute call-out before the end of his night shift. It had been busy, but that wasn’t uncommon. Saturday nights were always frantic, filled with the usual jobs—drunk and disorderly men getting into fights, drug overdoses, car accidents, car versus pedestrian accidents, heart attacks or indigestion that people mistook for heart attacks... The new crew was due at any moment and if the phones remained quiet for five more minutes he’d get out of there on time. He kept his fingers crossed. If he got out on time he might catch Kitty.
He was missing her company. The week that she’d stayed with him was now months ago but he’d got used to having her around and the months since she’d been gone had dragged. But at least she wasn’t back with Mike. She’d moved out of Joe’s apartment and in with Jess and Cam. They’d decided that it would be the best place for Kitty to live while they went through the surrogacy application and hopefully a successful pregnancy. That way Jess figured she’d get to be involved every step of the way. They’d assumed that the surrogacy process would be successful. Joe could understand why—what was the point of going ahead with the plan if you thought it was going to fail? But he was worried that they could all be setting themselves up for heartache.
Kitty had had enough heartache in her life.
But he’d barely seen her since she’d moved out. She’d been caught up in the surrogacy plans and even at work their paths hadn’t crossed often. Although he was based at the ambulance station adjacent to the North Sydney Hospital, even their shifts hadn’t coincided much, and more often than not when he’d brought patients to the ED or called in on a break she hadn’t been rostered on.
His shift finished on time and he was able to get across to the ED before Kitty left the hospital. He sighed in relief.
‘Hi.’ He greeted her as she walked through the exit.
‘Joe!’ Her smile lit up her face and he found himself beaming back at her. It was good to see her. Really good. ‘Have you finished your shift?’ she asked.
‘Yep. Signed out, all done.’
‘Well, your timing is perfect,’ she said as she tucked her hand through his elbow and fell into step beside him. ‘I need to talk to you and I’m starving. Have you got time for breakfast?’
‘Sure.’
They walked the few blocks to their regular café on Manly Beach and grabbed a table with a view over the water. The sun was still low in the sky but after a night cooped up in the hospital Joe knew that Kitty would want to be outside despite the glare.
Joe ordered his usual big breakfast while Kitty chose fresh fruit, yoghurt and muesli. She was restless, her feet jiggled constantly, and she was sitting on the edge of her seat. ‘Are you going to be able to sit still long enough to eat?’ he asked.
‘Not unless I tell you my news first.’
‘Go on, then,’ Joe said as the waitress brought a coffee for him and a green tea for Kitty.
‘I did a pregnancy test yesterday.’
‘Already?’
Kitty nodded. ‘It’s two weeks tomorrow since the procedure.’
He knew that. He’d been keeping tabs on the process. He didn’t need to ask what the result was, he could see in her eyes—excitement was written all over her face. He didn’t need her to tell him the result but she told him anyway.
‘It was positive!’
‘You know it could be a false positive this early.’ He didn’t think he wanted to burst her bubble of happiness but his comment was out before he’d had time to censor it. He’d done some research and he knew the fertility clinics advised their patients not to do home tests but to wait for the official blood test. He assumed it was because there were too many occasions when people got false positive results.
‘I know.’ Kitty nodded. ‘But I couldn’t resist. I feel like it’s worked. My boobs are tender...’ She pressed on her boobs and Joe had to force himself to avert his eyes. He didn’t want to be caught looking. ‘And I had to know.’
‘Who else have you told?’
Kitty frowned, a little crease appearing between her dark brows. ‘No one. The official blood test is still a couple of days away so I won’t say anything to Jess until then, but I had to tell someone. I wanted to tell you.’
Joe knew he should be pleased, he knew how much this meant to her. He appreciated that she’d shared her news with him but he was surprised to find he was experiencing another unexpected emotion. He could taste it.
The sour taste of jealousy.
He had never actually considered what would happen when Kitty eventually settled down and had babies. He knew it was what she wanted but he hadn’t thought about the ramifications, the reality. He hadn’t thought about the fact that she would have other priorities in her life, that there would be someone more important than him.
It hurt to realise she was going to have this experience without him. To realise he wasn’t going to be part of this experience except in the role of a bystander. This baby wouldn’t be hers to keep—but seeing her so excited about it reminded him that eventually that would happen and what would that mean for them?
For him?
He pushed down the sense of jealousy—now was not the time or the place to give in to his own emotions—and raised his coffee in a toast, hoping that somehow he would manage to say the right thing.
‘Congratulations,’ he said as he forced a smile.
* * *
Kitty fidgeted in her seat as she forced herself to eat her lunch as she sat across from Cam and Jess. She was on tenterhooks and had been for the past few days, ever since she’d taken the home pregnancy test. She’d thought that by sharing her news with Joe it would settle her excitement to a point where it would be bearable but she still couldn’t wait for Jess and Cam to hear the results. It was all anyone wanted.
She was positive the procedure had worked but she hadn’t said anything as she really didn’t want to get Jess’s hopes up. Now, after having to wait for the official test, she started having doubts. What if it hadn’t worked? What if the home pregnancy test she’d done had given her a false positive? What if all the symptoms she’d been experiencing were just the result of her over-active imagination or wishful thinking? Surely life wouldn’t be so cruel?

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