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The Forest Ranger's Husband
Leigh Bale


A Father's ReturnStanding before Fire Control Officer Matt Cutter is a five-year-old replica of himself—the son he never knew he had. All Matt wants to do is hug little Davie and make up for the lost years. But forest ranger Andie Foster, the boy’s mother whom Matt left behind, is understandably afraid.How can Matt possibly explain the lapse of faith—in God and himself—that drove him away from what he loved most? And will the lovely forest ranger give him a second chance to be a husband and father forever?










“Hello, Andie.” Matt smiled that crooked smile of his, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

Eyes the color of cobalt-blue. She remembered their color like her own face. The rich timbre of his voice. His deep laugh. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled for real.

Andie felt sick inside. Five years, four months and thirteen days. That’s how long it’d been since she’d seen or heard from him. So long that she’d tried to forget how much she’d loved him and how furious she was at him for leaving when she needed him more than ever.

She could never forget. Not with a miniature reminder bouncing around her house.

Davie.

She cleared her voice. “Hello, Matt.”

He looked good. Too good. But she needed to keep her distance. Needed to think before she spoke. Even though they were still legally married, this man didn’t seem to want her anymore.


Dear Reader,

Have you ever had a family member or someone very close to you who hurt your feelings desperately? I’m not talking about just a simple inconsideration, although those can certainly add up to bigger problems. But I’m talking about a serious infraction that can devastate a relationship.

They say blood is thicker than water. Families depend upon one another for support and solace. We have a natural love for our family members. We share special lifelong relationships with our family, but only the Savior is perfect. Surely during the span of our lifetime, we are bound to say or do something to hurt our family members. Likewise, they are bound to hurt us in return. For this reason, forgiveness is vitally important throughout our lives. If we don’t forgive our family members, who will?

Sometimes we come from what is called a dysfunctional family. But I have discovered that no one has a “normal” family. Each family is so different. I have to be careful finding fault with other members of my family before I’ve looked at myself. We each should ask ourselves some questions before we judge others. What have I done or not done to exacerbate the problem? What have I said to hurt someone else’s feelings? Have I accused them of forgetting to do something when I likewise have forgotten to do things? Have I made them feel welcome and expressed my love and appreciation to them? Or have I only looked at their failings and imperfections? What about my own faults? Do I deserve to be shunned by them? Or have I looked the other way and forgiven them when they have hurt me?

In The Forest Ranger’s Husband, both the heroine and the hero learn this lesson of forgiveness the hard way. According to the Gospel of John, none of us are without sin and we have no right to cast stones of blame at others until we have become humble enough to rid ourselves of our own faults. This doesn’t mean we should become a doormat for a family member who might be involved in illegal activities or abusing us in some way. But it does mean we must become humble like unto a little child. Children are so forgiving. They want to see the good in everyone. Their pure innocence and kind-heartedness serves as an example to all of us.

I hope you enjoyed reading The Forest Ranger’s Husband, and I invite you to visit my website, www.LeighBale.com, to learn more about my books.

May you find peace in the Lord’s words!

Leigh Bale


The Forest Ranger’s Husband

Leigh Bale






www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)


And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

—Matthew 18: 2–4


In writing this book, I couldn’t help thinking about grace under fire and courage in spite of fear. I know several remarkable people close to my own life who fit this profile exactly. And so this book is dedicated to Daniel, one of my greatest heroes and dearest friends. I love you, son. And to Robin, for having the courage to let her husband serve others overseas even when she needed him more. And also to all wildland fire fighters everywhere. Your guts and skill amaze me.

And thank you to Dan Baird for once again going above and beyond any expectations with his consultation on this book. I’ve had the time of my life scheming with you!




Chapter One


“Andie, the FCO is here to see you.”

Andrea Foster stared at the red light on her telephone console and felt the blood drain from her face. As she held the receiver against her ear and listened to her receptionist’s voice, her stomach twisted into knots.

No, Matt couldn’t be here so soon. He just couldn’t. But he was. Inside the reception area. Waiting to see her. Right now.

She’d known this day would come. Eventually. It was inevitable. But she’d figured Matt would meet someone else and ask her for a divorce, not become a fire control officer working out of the Forest Supervisor’s office. She hadn’t planned a strategy to deal with him.

The urge to have her receptionist tell Matt she was in a meeting overwhelmed Andie. After all this time, just thinking about him brought so many feelings of anger and hurt to the surface.

It would do no good to send Matt away. He’d just return. They had to work together now. She had no choice. They were having a dry winter, which meant a heavy fire season. Already it was February and unseasonably warm, with very little snowpack in the mountains. As the new FCO, it was Matt’s job to ensure her district was prepared. She should get this over with now.

“Andie?”

“Yeah, um, send him in.”

Andie dropped the receiver into its cradle. Her arms trembled as she brushed a hand down the front of her drab olive-green shirt and spruce-green pants. The uniform of a forest ranger. The badge pinned to the flap of her left shirt pocket meant a great deal to her. The culmination of a lot of hard work. She felt proud of her promotion over the Enlo Ranger District in Nevada. She’d longed to share the news of her promotion with Matt and even picked up the phone several times to call him, but her fingers refused to dial the numbers. At one time, she’d shared her dreams with him. All her hopes and fears. Now she didn’t want him to know she’d met her career goal. It seemed too personal. Too intimate.

She stood and walked past her desk covered with tidy piles of grazing reports and watershed studies. Pausing beside the bookcase, she inhaled deeply, trying to settle her nerves.

Finally. Matt was here.

Now she could tell him what she really thought of him. Her excitement to see him again warred with absolute, utter terror.

And contempt.

He hadn’t returned for her. He’d simply taken a new job to build his own career—a job in her hometown. But his return had just hiked her life into a hyper level of complication.

A five-year-old complication named Davie.

A knock sounded on the door. Just before it opened, Andie sat on one corner of her desk, her right leg dangling over the side. She tried to look cool, professional and collected. Tried to appear unaffected by the return of her absentee husband.

Her heart pounded like a jackhammer. She didn’t know what to say to Matt. Didn’t know how to act. She only knew how she felt inside. Like her heart was being ripped apart again and again.

Clarice, her receptionist, opened the door. Her carefully manicured hand rested on the doorknob as she flipped her long, blond hair over her shoulder. “Here we are.”

Matt Cutter limped into Andie’s office, his presence like a blast of January wind to the face. In spite of preparing herself, Andie couldn’t contain a short gasp. Seeing him after all this time felt like a slug to the gut. She couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe.

He gripped a wooden cane in his right hand, leaning heavily on it. When had he started limping? Was it temporary or permanent?

“Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, water or … something else?” Clarice smiled up at Matt.

He shook his head, his gaze resting on Andie like a tenton sledge. In a glance, she took in his forest service uniform, identical to hers. He looked much the same as she remembered him, still slim, broad-shouldered and tall. Except a haunted quality had replaced the cocky, daredevil look in his eyes.

“Thanks, Clarice. I’ll take it from here.” Andie stood and rested her fingertips on the desktop to help support her wobbly legs. Panic climbed up her throat, but she fought it off. She was a strong, educated, professional woman. She could handle this.

She hoped.

“Hello, Andie.” Matt smiled that crooked smile of his, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

Eyes the color of cobalt-blue. She remembered their color like her own face. The rich timbre of his voice. His deep laugh. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled for real.

The taste of his kiss.

Andie felt sick inside. Five years, four months and thirteen days. That’s how long it’d been since she’d seen or heard from him. So long that she’d tried to forget they’d ever been married. Tried to forget how much she’d loved him and how furious she was at him for leaving when she needed him more than ever.

She could never forget. Not with a miniature reminder bouncing around her house.

She cleared her voice. “Hello, Matt.”

He looked good. Too good. But she needed to keep her distance. Needed to think before she spoke. Even though they were still legally married, this man didn’t want her anymore. And she no longer wanted him. She had to remember that. They were married in name only.

“You look beautiful as ever.”

Now why did he say that? His words sent shivers racing down her spine, and she realized he’d been perusing her as intently as she had him.

She decided to ignore his compliment. The last thing she needed from him were words that made her love him more. Right now, she’d rather hear an apology.

She gestured toward the cane. “Are you injured?”

“Nothing serious.” He sat in a hard-backed chair in front of her desk.

“What happened to your leg?” she asked.

“Just a small battle wound. It’ll be fine.”

He downplayed his limp, but his strong, stubborn chin hardened slightly. Something about his demeanor told her it was more serious than he let on.

To save her life, she couldn’t keep her gaze from roaming over his lean body. He seemed thinner. Even through the long sleeves of his shirt, she could detect the outline of his strong biceps and shoulders so wide she could have measured them with a broom handle. No doubt he was in the superb physical condition of a soldier. A fire warrior.

A hotshot.

“You still running three miles every day and ten on the weekend?” She used to run with him, though not quite as far.

“Nope. Not until the leg heals. Right now, I’m just walking on a treadmill.” He gestured to the cane.

He still wore his jet-black hair shaved on the sides for easy maintenance. High and tight, he called it. But it seemed a bit longer now and shaggy, as if he were letting it grow out. His face looked more mature, the creases in his forehead a bit deeper. It didn’t matter. With high, chiseled cheekbones and a curved chin, he was still the most handsome man she’d ever seen.

With the power to crush her heart, if she let him.

Her leather chair creaked as she sat down and leaned back. “What can I do for you, hotshot?”

She meant the name as a derogatory word, not a compliment. When they’d first married, she’d called him hotshot. It’d been a term of endearment then, before he dumped her and actually became one. His raised brows told her he’d caught her sentiment. In his eyes, she detected a glint of arrogance mingled with sadness.

“I’m not a hotshot anymore. Just a fire control officer,” he said.

As he stretched one long leg out before him, she couldn’t bring herself to smile. Not for all the gold in Fort Knox. All the pain and heartache of the past five years crushed down on her all at once. She brushed a hand across her face, wishing she could hide. Wishing this moment had never come. But it had, and she didn’t want to deal with it.

He leaned his cane against the desk, then arched his back as if to ease an ache there. “I don’t know if you’re aware I was recently promoted to FCO and transferred here to Enlo. We’ll be working together.”

FCO. The new fire control officer working out of the Forest Supervisor’s office.

She kept her face void of expression. “Yes, I heard about that.”

An hour earlier, in fact. From an email sent out to all the rangers serving on the Minden National Forest. She still hadn’t absorbed the ramifications.

One of his eyebrows arched. “I’ve been in town a week and thought we should talk.”

“About what?”

He tilted his head, his gaze holding hers. “Just talk. There’s a lot I need to say, and I want to clear the air between us.”

She snorted. “I doubt the air can be cleared with a little chat.”

He took a deep breath, his face hardening. “I wanted to congratulate you on your recent promotion. I know being a forest ranger was what you always wanted.”

“Yes.” Okay, not too gracious, but the best she could muster at the moment. At one time, she had also wanted him and a family, but that hadn’t turned out too well.

She didn’t like discussing her career with him. Not after all the planning they’d done together during college and the first three years of their marriage. She didn’t know this man anymore. He was a complete stranger.

She took a deep breath and let it go. “I just got an email today from the forest supervisor saying you were named the new fire control officer. I can’t say I’m surprised you’re here in my office, although I didn’t expect to see you so soon.”

He glanced at the nameplate sitting on the corner of her desk. “I don’t think Cal knew we were married when he made the selections for our new jobs. Looks like you’re going by your maiden name.”

Cal Hinkle, the forest supervisor. If he’d known the connection between Matt and Andie, he undoubtedly would never have brought the two of them in to work together on the same forest. But Andie had started going by her maiden name a year after Matt left, and she rarely talked about her missing husband.

Matt paused, his eyes drilling into hers. “We are still married, aren’t we?”

She tensed, wishing she believed in divorce. But she didn’t. She tried to tell herself that was the only reason she’d never filed, but deep inside her broken heart, she’d always wished he’d return. Now she couldn’t help regretting that longing. It’d bring her nothing but more heartache. “As far as I know.”

“Good. I never wanted a divorce.”

Oh, boy! He’d just opened the corral gate with that remark. “You have a funny way of showing it, Matt.”

He took a deep breath. “I know I messed things up between us, but I never wanted to lose you, Andie. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but loving you wasn’t one of them.”

No, no, no! Why did he have to say something like that? It felt like a knife to her heart. Mainly because she didn’t believe him. And she wanted to. She really did. But it was too late. “Then why’d you leave?”

“You know why. At the time, nothing was more important than becoming a hotshot crew boss. When I got the job on the Red Mesa IHC, I couldn’t turn it down. After we had that horrible fight, and you told me to leave, I figured taking the job was the best thing.”

Yeah, which put her in her place. His words meant nothing to her now. When he’d left, his actions had spoken loud and clear. He’d chosen his career over their marriage. Over her.

One of her biggest regrets in life had been when he’d stood on their doorstep with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. Instead of slamming the door in his face, she should have begged him to stay, or gone with him.

But she hadn’t.

She rested an elbow against the armrest of her chair, trying not to show her hurt. Trying to still the trembling of her chin. “You could have discussed it more with me before leaving. Imagine my surprise when I arrived home that night and found a note from my husband telling me he’d taken a job out of state and would talk to me later. That was over five years ago.”

Her voice rose to a shrill pitch. No matter how hard she tried to control her emotions, all the anger broiled around within her, the wound still raw. As if it had just happened yesterday. She didn’t know if she’d ever recover from such a harsh slap to her face. If he’d left her for another woman, she might have understood. She could have moved on. But his career had become his mistress, and his life didn’t include room for his wife.

“I wish I could go back in time and change things,” he said.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I think we both said things that day that we shouldn’t have, but it doesn’t change things now.”

“I’m sorry, Andie. For everything. I really am.”

Her breath escaped her in a whoosh. Finally the apology she’d longed to hear for years. But it was too late. It’d been too long. He’d chosen his work over their marriage. She couldn’t forget that. Could never trust him again. The love she’d kept buried deep within had been trampled to pieces, and she refused to be his doormat ever again.

She had to think about Davie now.

The burn of tears caused her to look away, and she shrugged. “We married too young. You weren’t ready for the commitment. Now it doesn’t matter. You have your job to do and I have mine. We’ll keep our relationship completely professional. Nothing more.”

She didn’t love him anymore. She didn’t. He’d killed her feelings for him, but she didn’t know how she was ever going to work with him every day and pull it off.

He frowned, his eyes filled with an emotion she couldn’t discern. Disappointment maybe? Surely not. He’d left her, after all. He’d gotten what he wanted.

One question pounded her brain. Why had he left the job he loved? Why had he taken this job as an FCO? Sitting in an office every day. Providing fire support to the various district rangers serving on the Minden National Forest instead of working out on the front lines where the action was. It didn’t sound like him. At the age of thirty-two, he was still young and strong enough to run with the best hotshots the nation had to offer. Did it have something to do with his limp?

Hmm. She sensed something wrong here. Something she didn’t understand. Maybe she should make a call to find out.

No! She didn’t care. His life was his business now. She wasn’t part of it anymore.

He leaned forward, his eyes filled with some emotion she didn’t understand. “I was hoping maybe you and I could have dinner tonight. I’d like to talk about our—”

The door burst open without warning. “Mommy! Look what Auntie Sue got me.”

Davie ran inside wearing a red cape tied over his winter coat and carrying a Rocketman toy figurine. With the accuracy of a stealth bomber, he headed straight for Andie. His rubber boots tracked muddy water across the floor.

“Davie! Remember we talked about knocking before you barge through a closed door?” Even Andie’s stern voice didn’t stop the boy. He raced around her desk and flung his arms around her. She couldn’t resist hugging him back.

Great timing. This situation just kept getting worse. The last person Andie wanted in her office right now was her five-year-old son.

“Davie, I said wait.” Susan panted as she chased after her nephew, carrying her seven-month-old baby in her arms. She came up short when she saw Matt sitting in the office, and her mouth sagged open in shock.

“Sorry! I forgot the rule,” Davie said. He held the toy before Andie’s eyes, begging for her attention.

Under normal circumstances, Andie would have smiled at his endearing face. She glanced at Matt, whose razor-sharp gaze narrowed as he stared at the boy. She could almost see his mental calculations clicking away. Davie had called her mommy. Matt must be wondering what was going on.

Andie almost groaned. “Susan, you remember Matt.”

Sue recovered fast and glowered at Matt, shifting the baby on her hip. “I vaguely remember you married a no-good scoundrel by that name. He abandoned you after three years of marriage and we never heard from him again. The resemblance is amazing.”

Andie scowled at her sister and inclined her head toward Davie. Even if Matt had been gone for years, she didn’t want her son hurt by disparaging remarks.

A composed smile creased Matt’s cheeks. He looked completely calm and even-tempered. Not at all what Andie expected. “Hello, Sue. I see you’re just as charming as ever.”

“And you’ve been absent for a very long time. What are you doing here?” Sue peered at him over the baby’s head, her eyes filled with disapproval.

He nodded at the baby who chewed a chubby fist and gurgled. “You’re married with a baby of your own now?”

“Yeah, we all kept living after you left, Matt. Life went on without you. Imagine that.” Her hazel eyes flashed with anger.

“Sue, watch it,” Andie warned with another nod toward Davie.

“Mommy, look at my toy.” Davie waved the action figure in front of her face, seemingly oblivious to the adult conversation around him.

Matt’s gaze swung back to Davie, and his eyes narrowed.

“Wow! That’s great, sweetheart. But I thought you were going to the park after Aunt Sue picked you up from kindergarten.” She emphasized the word park and tossed an irritated scowl at her sister, wishing more than anything that Sue hadn’t brought Davie here.

Sue tilted her head, her hostile glare chewing Matt to pieces. “That’s what we planned, but Davie insisted I bring him here to show you his new toy first.”

“Hi! I’m Davie. Look what I got.”

When had Davie moved over to stand beside Matt? The boy thrust his hand forward, the Rocketman figurine clasped in his small fist. Andie fought the urge to run over, scoop up her son and take him home.

Fear almost overwhelmed her. Fear that Matt would try to take Davie from her. Or that he’d push the little boy away, just like he’d pushed her away. No way would Andie allow Matt to hurt her son.

Matt lowered his head, gazing into the boy’s eyes like he was looking at a ten-million-dollar bill. Miraculous.

“That’s pretty cool.” Matt took the toy into his hand, but his gaze continued to rest on Davie. An undeniable smaller replica of Matt. “I had a GI Joe when I was your age, but I don’t think they make them anymore.”

Andie bit her bottom lip as Matt reached out and rested his hand on Davie’s shoulder. The boy’s impish nose screwed up with a frown. “What’s a GI Joe?”

“It used to be the best toy a kid could have. A GI Joe was a soldier and could save everyone. I think your mom still has one.”

Andie’s mind raced. Boxes of Matt’s stuff stood stacked along one wall of her garage from her recent move. No doubt the toy could be found inside one of them.

“Mom doesn’t have a GI Joe. I’d know about it if she did.” Davie spoke with confidence, as if he knew everything about his mom and her life. A typical kid who believed life for everyone began the day they were born.

“I gave it to her years ago, before you were born. She may have gotten rid of it.”

No chance. Against her better judgment, Andie had kept every single thing Matt had left behind when he took off for Oregon. In spite of Sue’s disapproval, she’d lugged his stuff with her when she’d transferred to Enlo eight weeks earlier. She didn’t know why. Maybe it was time to get rid of it, but somehow she felt as if throwing his things out would also throw away the good memories they’d once shared. And her memories were all she had left. That and Davie.

“Yeah, Mom throws a lot of things out. Aunt Sue calls her the Neat Freak. Can I have my Rocketman back now?” Davie asked.

“Sure.” Matt handed the toy back before rustling Davie’s dark hair.

Hair the same color as Matt’s.

Matt’s gaze sought and locked with Andie’s. She froze, her mind filled with a jumble of words she longed to say, but couldn’t make sense of right now.

Sue stepped toward Davie. “Um, maybe I’ll take Davie to the park now. I’ll see you at home in a couple of hours.”

Sue took hold of the boy’s hand and tugged him over to the door.

“Bye, Mommy. Love you.” The boy puckered his lips and blew Andie a kiss, his small face aglow with a smile. The corners of his eyes crinkled just like Matt’s did when he smiled.

Andie’s heart melted and she returned the gesture. Even with Matt sitting in her office, she couldn’t refuse her sweet little son.

Sue tossed one last glare at Matt and made a screwy expression with her eyes before she took the children outside and closed the door. Silence followed, so loud it almost broke Andie’s ear drums.

“So you’re a mom.” Matt sat there, his hands resting on his thighs, waiting for her reply.

She lifted her head and met his steady gaze. “Yes I am.”




Chapter Two


“How old is Davie?”

Matt’s question shook Andie to the core. He sat in her office, his gaze burning into hers until she felt as though he could see inside her very soul. As though she’d done something wrong and had to bear the guilt, not the other way around.

“He’ll turn six in April.” She’d give anything if Davie were just one year younger. But that would mean she’d been unfaithful to her husband during his absence. And she hadn’t. Not once in all these long, lonely years.

Matt shifted his left leg. “He’s mine, isn’t he?”

Finally Andie looked away and swallowed. She’d planned to tell Matt about their son eventually. Preferably when Davie graduated from high school and she could be certain Matt wouldn’t try to take him from her. The way she saw it, Matt would either disregard Davie completely, the way he’d ignored her, or he would demand visitation rights. Worst-case scenario, Matt would fight her for custody. Andie didn’t want a battle over their son. Not when Davie could become collateral damage.

“He has my eyes and my middle name.” Matt’s voice held a sharp edge she couldn’t deny. His eyes looked guarded and hopeful.

No, surely she imagined that.

Andie exhaled a sharp breath. “How would you know? You never had the consideration to ask how I was for over five years.”

“Is he mine?” His voice raised an octave, betraying his urgency.

“Yes. Davie is your son.” She bit out the words, unwilling to lie. She hadn’t been as active in her faith as she would have liked, but she knew the Lord wouldn’t approve of lies.

“Imagine my surprise.” Hurt and anger filled his eyes.

It served him right.

“Why didn’t you tell me I have a son? Why didn’t you call?” he asked.

And that’s when Andie lost it. “The phone lines work both ways, Matt. When did you ever call me? I haven’t heard from you in years. Not once.”

“I called you twice, Andie. Three weeks after I left. I got your voicemail at home each time. When you didn’t return my calls, I figured you didn’t want to hear from me again.”

“I never got the messages.” Was he lying? Who did he think he was? He had no right to judge her. Not anymore. He’d lost that right when he’d walked out on her.

She faced him, her hands clenched as she tried to control her trembly voice. “The day we had our terrible fight, I went to the doctor, then came home expecting to share the joy of my news with my husband. But he was gone. He was too much of a coward to tell me goodbye in person. Instead, he left me a note. A single scrap of paper.”

The blood drained from his face, and he sat very still for several heartbeats. “You’re right, Andie. I should have called you again. Many times, until I got hold of you.”

His admission made her angrier. She wanted to hurt him the way he’d hurt her. To let him have it for all the pain and doubt he’d put her through.

“But didn’t I deserve to know I had a son? Why didn’t you at least tell me about Davie?” he asked again.

“Because I didn’t want you thinking I was using a baby to get you back.” The truth tasted bitter in her mouth. She remembered the joy of feeling life growing inside her and giving birth to their child. Alone. The last thing she wanted was a husband who stayed with her out of obligation. She wanted a marriage of love or nothing at all.

“I wish I’d known. I wish I’d been here,” he said.

Something hardened inside of Andie. Something cold and unforgiving. They couldn’t go back in time. They couldn’t change the past. Even with Davie, she had no intention of letting Matt back into her life. “Well, you weren’t.”

“So after I left you decided to start going by your maiden name.” Matt’s stomach clenched when he realized he had a child. He felt dazed and sick by the news. And yet strangely elated, too.

Davie was almost six years old. Matt couldn’t fathom all the years he’d missed with his child. His son. Years when he could have enjoyed being a father and husband. Years of happiness with his family. He’d missed it all because of his foolish pride.

“With you gone, it made things easier.” Andie didn’t smile, staring at him with disdain and—

Dread.

A deep aching loss filled Matt when he thought of all he’d missed. If she’d only told him he had a son, things might have been different. He might have—

What?

Would he have quit the job he loved and come running home? He couldn’t blame Andie for being upset. It was his fault. He wished more than anything that she’d told him about their baby, but he’d been the one to leave. He could have called her at work, written a letter or email, or even come home to see her during the holidays. But he hadn’t.

He held up a hand, hoping to reassure her. Wishing the fear and hatred would leave her eyes. “I won’t try to take him from you, Andie. But I do want to be a part of his life. I’d like to get to know my son.”

Her spine stiffened. “I … I’m not sure how that will work. I’d need to talk to him first. To tell him you’ve returned.”

“You mean you didn’t tell him I was dead or something like that?”

“Of course not. Maybe that would have hurt him less, but it wasn’t the truth. I knew he’d find out eventually that you were alive.”

So his son believed his father had abandoned him. Filled with shame, Matt licked his dry lips. He could only imagine how Davie felt, missing his father. Wondering why his daddy never came home, read him stories, bought him gifts, played ball with him or tucked him in at night.

Matt’s respect for Andie grew. She could have taken the easy way out and just told Davie his father was dead. But she hadn’t. And Matt couldn’t help wondering if Davie hated him. Maybe death would have been a better option. Matt should have been the one to die in that last wildfire, not one of his crewmen. At least death was something they all could understand. But not this aching abandonment.

“Thank you, Andie.”

“For what?” She bit out the words, her eyes narrowed with anger.

“For having our child. It couldn’t have been easy, raising him alone. I can see you’ve done a great job with him. He seems like a wonderful kid.”

“He is. The best.” Tears filled her eyes and she blinked.

“Is he a healthy child? Is he smart?”

“He’s perfect. What other kind of child would we make?”

“With you as his mother, I’m not surprised.” He wasn’t sure if he saw doubt or gratitude in her gaze.

“Were you ever going to tell me about our son?” He couldn’t help sounding a tad combative. He had to accept responsibility for his part in destroying his family, but he also felt angry that Andie had kept his son from him.

“I didn’t see a need.”

Ah, that hurt. But he supposed he deserved it. If he didn’t think she’d tear his head off, he would have stood and taken her into his arms. Now wasn’t the time. After surviving the wildfire, he’d reevaluated his priorities. If anything, Davie gave Matt a stronger reason to live and to rehabilitate his injured leg.

“When can I spend some time with him?” Matt clamped an iron will on his patience. He wanted to see Davie right now, to study the boy’s facial expressions and learn his mannerisms. Matt felt like he’d just become a father. As though the amazing event had occurred only moments ago.

For him, it had. He couldn’t believe it. He was a dad!

“I’ll give you a call.” The angry lines creasing her mouth eased a bit, but the wall of tension remained.

Instinctively he knew if he pushed too hard, she could make it very difficult for him to ever see Davie. Matt wasn’t stupid. One claim that he’d abandoned Andie over five years earlier and had never seen his own child wouldn’t go over too well with a family-court judge. He didn’t want attorneys and visitation battles. He wanted his family back.

Matt reached inside his shirt pocket and pulled out one of his new business cards. He handed it to her and she took it reluctantly, letting it dangle from her fingers like a dead mouse.

“My home and cell numbers are on the back. Call me anytime, night or day. I’ll come running.” He indicated the cane. “Or I should say I’ll come walking as fast as I can.”

She didn’t smile at his attempted humor.

Taking up his cane, he stood and took a step, hoping he didn’t fall flat on his face. His left thigh muscle quivered as he put weight on it, but he forced it to endure. He’d returned to work too soon after the fire, but he couldn’t wait to see Andie. He looked at her now, letting his gaze feast upon her pretty face. Her blond hair seemed a bit longer, flipped back in soft waves he longed to touch. She looked down at his business card and her hair swung forward, hiding her profile. He fought the urge to reach out and brush it back. To cup her face with his hands and look into her blue eyes as he kissed her lips.

Words clogged his throat. So many things he wanted to say. So many apologies. But she wouldn’t believe him. Not yet. There was just one thing he needed to get off his chest right now. One thing he must say to her over and over again.

“I never should have left you, Andie. I wish I had stayed.”

She gave a harsh, disbelieving laugh. Her eyes looked so cold. Devoid of the warmth and joy he’d seen there when they’d first married. “I find that hard to believe.”

“I mean it.” He met her gaze without flinching, trying to convey the truth of his words with every fiber of his being.

She dropped his card on top of her desk and stood a bit too abruptly before stepping away from her chair. The anguish on her face reminded him of all the pain he’d caused her. He didn’t want to see her cry right now. Not when she still hated him.

He opened the door and smiled over his shoulder at her. “You take care of yourself. We’ll be in touch soon.”

Andie left the office as soon as Matt pulled out of the parking lot. After her encounter with him, she wanted nothing more than to see Davie and hold her son close. To know he was safe at home where he belonged.

Alone in her car, she refused to cry. She’d shed enough tears over this man. Why had Matt returned? She’d moved on with her life and didn’t want to resurrect the past.

As she pulled into the driveway of the white forest service house where she lived, she gripped the steering wheel, trying to settle her nerves. She didn’t want Davie to see her upset like this.

Susan came outside to greet her. When this ranger district had opened up, Andie had jumped at the job. Sue and her husband lived in Enlo, and Andie thought being near family might be good for both her and Davie. She’d been right.

Andie’s younger sister stood on the front step, resting one hand on the porch railing. The grave expression on Sue’s face told Andie of her concern. And yet, Andie didn’t know what to say. She didn’t understand this situation herself.

Taking a deep breath, Andie unbuckled her seat belt and stepped out of her car. She dodged the snow shovel lying on the front lawn.

Bless Sue. She was now a stay-at-home mom and spent her time tending to Rose and Davie and helping Andie get settled here in Enlo. If not for Sue and her husband, Brett, Andie didn’t know how she would have made it through the past years alone.

As Andie reached the covered porch, Sue stepped forward and handed her a warm sweater. Sue curled into a wicker chair and indicated Andie should join her. “The kids are fine. Let’s talk before I take Rose home.”

Andie glanced at the front door, noticing it stood ajar so they could hear the children. “Thanks, sis.”

“You okay?” Sue asked as Andie sat down.

Andie draped the sweater over herself. Freezing cold in spite of the warm day, she tried to feel something besides deep, abiding hatred. “I’m fine.”

Sue peered at her. “You don’t look fine.”

“Well, how do I look?” A gentle breeze pulsed around them, and she brushed the hair back from her face. She felt chilled and irritated and longed to get out of her uniform and into some comfortable sweats.

“You look pale and distressed.”

Andie shook her head, filled with disbelief. “Why did he have to come back? Why couldn’t he have stayed away?”

“I don’t know. The guy is bad news. What does he want?”

“Right now? To see his son.”

Sue pressed the fingers of her right hand against her mouth. “Maybe you need to get a restraining order against Matt.”

Andie blinked, reluctant to let this situation get any uglier than it already was. “No, I can’t do that. Matt has never, ever threatened me. He’s not that kind of man.”

“Well, there’s no doubt Davie would love to meet his father. Besides Rocketman and baseball, his father is almost all he ever talks about. What about you?”

“I don’t know. I think I’d rather go on like before, forgetting I ever had a husband. But I have to think about Davie and what’s best for him.”

“And do you think getting to know his father is best?”

Andie turned her head, gazing at the drift of melting snow edging the sidewalk. The snow reminded Andie of a long-ago, happier time in her life when Matt had taken her skiing for the first time. “Matt always had his faults. You know he was egotistic and goal-oriented to the point of obsessive, but he was a good man, too. He worked hard, provided well and was always kind and generous to me. I have no reason to believe he’d hurt Davie on purpose.”

“You think he’s been faithful to you all these years the way you’ve been to him?”

The thought of Matt being with another woman tore Andie’s heart to shreds. If he’d been unfaithful, that was between him and God. “I have no idea. It’s not my business anymore.”

“Maybe you should ask him.”

Andie’s eyes widened, and a feeling of horror overcame her. “I’ll do no such thing.”

And yet she wanted to know. Had he missed her at all while he’d been gone? Or had he found someone else to share the long, lonely nights with?

Sue released a deep sigh. “What if he spends time with Davie and then disappears again? That would hurt Davie so much.”

Tears filled Andie’s eyes. She blinked to hold them back. “Then I’ll be here for my son. I’ll always be here for him, no matter what.”

“Maybe you need to talk to an attorney. Just to be safe.”

Andie took a deep breath, letting the fresh air clear her thoughts. “Not yet. Matt hasn’t asked for anything unreasonable, and I don’t want to create a fight over nothing.”

“You’re surely not going to let him be alone with Davie. What if he tries to kidnap your son?” Incredulity filled Sue’s voice, her face contorted in outrage at the mere possibility.

“Of course not. I have no intention of letting Matt have unsupervised visits. At least not until I know what he intends. He just barely found out he has a child.”

Sue’s shoulders stiffened. “I know. I greatly regret barging into your office like that. It kind of let the cat out of the bag a bit abruptly.”

Andie waved a hand in the air, resigned to the situation. “Don’t worry about it. It was just a matter of time before Matt found out about Davie. Enlo isn’t that big of a town.”

A regretful huff escaped Sue’s mouth. “I should have claimed Davie was my son.”

Andie gave a harsh chuckle. “You haven’t been married long enough. Besides, I won’t lie. I have nothing to be ashamed about.”

“Maybe I could take Davie away for a while. I could take the kids and go visit Brett’s mother in Ohio.” She shuddered, as if the thought repulsed her.

Andie laughed. “Your offer is very generous. I know how much you adore your mother-in-law. But no. Davie’s still in school. If Matt hadn’t found out on his own, I would have told him myself.”

“Why?”

“Because he has a right to know about his son.”

“Do you think Matt would try to steal Davie?”

Andie shook her head, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. “Matt has a job in the S.O.’s office. He’s not going to damage his career by kidnapping his own son.”

“Does he want a divorce?”

Andie didn’t know the answers to any of these questions, yet they kept rattling around inside her brain.

“I don’t think so. He apologized for leaving me. He said he wished he’d stayed.”

Sue snorted. “Can you believe that guy? What a loser. He always did have a lot of nerve.”

Which was one reason Andie fell in love with him. Matt had been so much fun, and intelligent, too. A true athlete, full of life and hopes and plans. And he worked hard to meet his goals. Definitely not a loser. He’d encouraged Andie to meet her goals, too. He’d taken on additional work assignments to earn her tuition, prepared dinner and helped with the laundry. Andie had adored him at first sight. They’d both enjoyed the outdoors, skiing together, hiking, camping, you name it. She’d never been much of a girlie-girl. She baited her own hooks and cleaned the fish she caught. But with Matt’s overt masculinity, she’d always felt feminine and protected by him. Loved. Until he betrayed her by leaving. Seeing him now limping around with a cane confused her, and she wondered again if his injury was permanent.

“No, Matt’s no loser,” she said. “He was always hardworking, in school and in his career. He’s a high achiever who just got his priorities messed up. But he has some very good qualities, too.”

Sue leaned forward, her eyes creased with concern. “Do you think he’ll take you to court, to try and take Davie from you?”

“No. I’m not sure what he wants, but I don’t think he would hurt Davie like that. And if he tried, I’d fight him tooth and nail. No one’s ever taking Davie from me. Of course, Matt’s probably still in shock, finding out he has a son.”

“Good. When I think about how badly he hurt you, I figure he deserves a nice shock.” A vindictive smile curved Sue’s lips.

Andie appreciated her sister’s loyalty, but in all fairness to Matt, he’d been a good, diligent husband when they’d been together. She couldn’t fault him there. He’d just forgotten what was really important. When she thought of the angst she’d seen in his eyes when he found out about Davie, she couldn’t help feeling sorry for him under the circumstances. He’d missed almost six years of his son’s life, after all. But Matt had made a conscious decision to remove himself from her life … and any children she might have.

“What are you gonna do?” Sue asked.

“Wait and see.”

“Wait and see what?”

“What Matt does.”

Sue dangled one stockinged foot over the whicker footrest. “I don’t understand. You cried buckets of tears after he left, Andie. I won’t stand by and let him hurt you again.”

Andie waved Matt’s business card with his phone numbers in the air. She’d scooped it up the moment he’d left her office. She didn’t smile as she spoke. “Don’t worry, I’m over him. Matt didn’t contact me for over five years. He said he’d be in touch. Let’s wait and see how badly he wants to see his son.”

“I take it you’re not planning to call him.”

“Absolutely not. If he wants to see Davie, he’ll have to call me. I’m not going to pursue it.”

If Matt wasn’t serious about getting to know his son, Andie didn’t want Davie to get hurt. Above all else, she would protect her child. Even if it meant he never saw Matt again.

A satisfied smile curved Sue’s lips. “Good girl.”




Chapter Three


“How’s the leg?” Cal Hinkle smiled at Matt as he limped down the hall leading to the reception area of the Forest Supervisor’s office.

Normally Matt worked late, preparing for the summer fire season. He paused as the receptionist locked the front door, the clock on the wall reading 5:17. Matt couldn’t wait to get home and put an ice pack on his thigh.

“Great,” Matt said. He leaned his shoulder against the wall, trying not to grit his teeth. Using the cane for balance, he refused to give in to the pain. He didn’t want his boss to know how bad his leg hurt.

Cal showed a concerned smile, talking low. “And you’re keeping up with your physical therapy?”

“Yeah, my new physical therapist is great. I’ve started walking on a treadmill and doing my exercises regularly.”

“And what about the post-traumatic stress?”

“I’m dealing with that, too.” In his own way. It didn’t sit well with Matt to meet with shrinks to discuss his survivor’s guilt. So far, he hadn’t told a single soul what happened the day he’d lost one of his crewmen and almost died himself. The horror of the wildfire plagued him, and he couldn’t put his thoughts into words. He couldn’t relive it a second time.

“Good. If you need to talk, my door is always open, Matt. It’ll take time, but I know you can heal both physically and mentally.”

“I appreciate that.” In the daytime, Matt had no problem coping. At night, his dreams haunted him. Jim should still be here, not him. Sometimes Matt woke up screaming, his body covered in sweat. He wondered if he’d ever feel normal again.

Cal paused before returning to his office. “Fire season will start early this year. I’ve scheduled a meeting in two weeks with all the rangers on our forest. Will that give you enough time to present your fire plan to them?”

Matt nodded, knowing Andie would be there. “I’ve already been working on one I think you’ll like. It should streamline communication between all of us, the BLM and local fire authorities, and offer better use of our resources. I’ve also been looking at the contracts each ranger will need in place for equipment and heavy machinery for the fire crews. Next week I’ll start visiting each ranger to solidify the contracts and find out if they have any special needs.”

“Good. I knew you were the right man for this job. Have a nice evening.” Cal clapped his hand on Matt’s shoulder.

Matt smiled, pleased to be doing something right. Funny how he always seemed to excel in his job performance, while his family relationships were a different matter.

Placing the cane in front of him, Matt headed outside to his truck. Clouds the color of gray slate filled the sky, and it had been raining. The drive home took less than ten minutes. You couldn’t get this kind of commute living in a big city.

Inside his dingy studio apartment, he opened the freezer and took out an ice pack. The dismal surroundings needed lamps and pictures on the walls, but Matt didn’t care. He only used his apartment to shower, sleep and perform his leg exercises. He slouched on the Hide-A-Bed sofa and laid the cool pack on his leg. He’d never get used to the chronic pain, although he could endure it. The emptiness in his heart was another issue.

Five days and still no word from Andie. He’d tried to give her some space. To give her time to talk to Davie and make visitation arrangements. Now Matt felt like a caged tiger, eager to see her and Davie again. Filled with fears and doubts. He wanted to take things slow, to give Andie time to adjust to him being back in her life, but he couldn’t help wondering if this was how she’d felt after he’d left and never called her. Now he wondered how he’d lived all that time without hearing her voice every day. He’d put her through so much. How could he have been so unfeeling to her needs? He hadn’t deserved her. But he’d changed so much since then. If only he could show her that he was a better man now. A man who loved her more than he loved life.

He picked up the remote and flipped on the TV, listening absentmindedly to the news. So far they’d had an extra-dry winter with a weak snowpack in the mountains. In the summer, they’d have a heavy fire season as a result. Already he’d started planning the fire school they were scheduled to host in early May to train summer wildfire fighters. He had no doubt they’d need many before summer ended.

After thirty minutes, Matt tossed the ice pack aside. He changed out of his forest service uniform into some sweats and climbed on the treadmill, hoping the exercise might ease the pain in his leg. It didn’t. Even with the special ointment the doctor had given him, the tight skin grafts on his left thigh throbbed unbearably.

“Come on, Cutter,” he spoke aloud to himself. “Just one more mile. You can do this. You don’t need to stop.”

As he forced himself to walk, he gripped the handrails. He briefly considered taking a pain pill, but tossed that idea aside. He didn’t need an addiction to deal with right now on top of everything else.

When he finished walking, Matt guzzled a glass of water. His body shook and he lay down on an exercise mat, going through the stretching exercises his physical therapist had taught him.

“One, two, three.” He counted off the repetitions, pushing himself to do an extra set of each exercise. The pain eased, but persisted. The hope of walking without a cane kept him from giving in.

When he finished, he sat on the couch and gave a mental shout of victory. It’d been agony, but he’d pushed himself through the pain. He was not going to be a cripple the rest of his life.

Before he could stop himself, he reached for the phone and dialed Andie’s number. He’d memorized it, even though he’d never called her yet. It was time they talked.

“Hello,” a man’s voice answered.

Matt tensed, his mind running rampant with confusion. It never occurred to him that Andie might have someone else in her life. Just because they were still married didn’t mean she couldn’t have met and fallen in love with someone else. The thought made him feel strangely territorial. Though he had no right, he didn’t like the idea of another man usurping his place with his wife and son.

“Is Andie there?” He didn’t know who this man was, but he was prepared to fight for his wife.

Oh, please. Please don’t let her have someone else in her life. Not now.

“Sorry, but she’s in the shower.”

Cold dread gripped Matt’s heart. Maybe he’d lost her for good. She deserved to be happy. No matter what, Matt intended to be there for her and Davie, in any way they needed him. But what if Andie wouldn’t forgive him? What if he could never make up for what he’d done?

“Is Davie there?”

A pause. “Yeah, one moment.”

Matt didn’t expect to speak to the boy. He just wanted to know if his son was there, in the same room with another man trying to take his place.

But he didn’t really have a place in Andie’s life anymore. He didn’t have a right to resent another man for loving her the way she deserved to be loved.

The stranger didn’t give Matt a chance to say anything else. An awkward moment ensued while the man called for Davie. Butterflies swarmed in Matt’s stomach as he waited for the sound of his son’s voice.

“Hello.”

Such a grown-up voice. Matt loved this boy already.

“Hi, Davie.”

“Who’s this?”

Matt didn’t expect the heavy breathing from the boy. He’d never been around kids much and wasn’t used to their ways.

“My name’s Matt. You and I met in your mom’s office about a week ago.”

“Yeah, you liked my new Rocketman.”

Matt felt the urge to laugh, the first time in months. “Yes I did. I was calling your mom to find out when I might come over and visit you.”

“You can come over now.”

“I can?”

“Sure. We’re not doing nothing special. Mom’s got lasagna in the oven.”

Homemade lasagna. Andie’s specialty. Nothing better in the world. Matt’s mouth watered at the thought of sitting down to eat dinner with his wife and son. But he wasn’t foolish enough to invite himself without Andie’s say-so.

“It sounds like you’ve already got company,” Matt said.

“Nah, Aunt Sue and Uncle Brett are leaving now. You can come over.”

Uncle Brett. Susan’s husband.

Matt’s skin prickled with relief. For a moment there, he’d been shaking with fear.

“You better check with your mom first.” Matt knew better than to get permission from a five-year-old.

“Okay.” The phone rattled as Davie set the receiver down.

Matt waited several tense moments, listening to the background noise of the TV set. The evening news, if he heard right. Finally Davie returned.

“Mom doesn’t mind.”

“Really? You’re sure she said it’s okay?” Matt couldn’t contain his surprise.

“Yeah, I asked her. Do you know where I live?”

“I do.” Matt had found that out even before he’d secured his own apartment. He’d driven down Andie’s street a couple of times, usually in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep. He longed to confide in her about the fire. To get the guilt off his chest. But he figured she’d just laugh at him. After the way he’d hurt her, she couldn’t possibly care about the demons haunting him.

Most nights, he noticed a light on in the front bedroom of her house. Matt wasn’t sure whose room it was. When they’d first married, Andie had suffered from insomnia and usually sat up reading when she couldn’t sleep. But Davie was a wild card. Maybe the boy was scared of the dark and needed a light on while he slept. Matt longed to get to know his little son. Was the boy shy or brave? Was he athletic or a bookworm? It didn’t matter one way or the other. Davie was his, and Matt loved the child unconditionally for no other reason.

“See ya.”

The boy hung up before Matt could say goodbye. He felt a buzz of excitement. He’d been invited to dinner at Andie’s house. Thank goodness she wasn’t going to fight his visitations of Davie. He’d take it slow and easy, trying to soften Andie’s heart. The last thing he wanted was to upset his wife and cause a scene in front of their son.

Matt cleaned up and dressed in faded jeans, a blue polo shirt and tennis shoes. He used to wear cutoffs or shorts when he worked out, but no more. The scars on his legs weren’t pretty.

After brushing his teeth, he combed his hair. It was getting longer than he liked. Time to find a good barber in town.

As an afterthought, he splashed a bit of cologne on his face, gritting until the sting passed. Before leaving his apartment, he reached for two packages he had sitting on the kitchen table. He’d bought and wrapped them two days ago, waiting for the right moment to present them to Andie and Davie. Then he drove to Andie’s house on the other side of town, feeling anxious and giddy at the same time.

“You must be crazy,” he murmured to himself as he put on the blinker, then turned the corner. Being around Andie was suicide, flooding him with regret. He could hardly believe she hadn’t told Davie negative things about him. Matt figured most women would bad-mouth their estranged husband. But not Andie.

He parked out front, his gaze taking in the house, white with green trim. A classic forest ranger’s house. Andie paid rent and maintained the home, but she didn’t own the house. That’s how it worked in the forest service.

The flower beds had been freshly raked of dead leaves. He knew Andie hadn’t been in town much longer than him, and he guessed she’d started bringing the yard back to life in preparation for spring planting. He expected nothing less. Andie had a green thumb; her academic training had been in plants and minerals. Which worked well with her ranger district, filled with mining and grazing permittees. She knew her job well, and he couldn’t help feeling proud of her accomplishment in becoming a forest ranger. A rare breed of only four hundred nationwide.

As he carried the packages up the front steps, Matt caught the tantalizing aroma of dinner cooking. His stomach rumbled and he rang the doorbell.

The sound of running feet came from inside, and then the door jerked open. Davie stood there wearing his Rocketman cape, pajamas and floppy-eared dog slippers. Matt couldn’t help wondering if the boy ever took off the cape.

“Hi!” Davie pushed open the screen door, but Matt didn’t step inside.

“Is your mom here?”

“Who is it, Davie?” Andie’s voice came from the kitchen.

“It’s Matt,” the boy yelled back.

Andie appeared in the doorway, wiping her hands on a dish towel. She looked casual in faded blue jeans and a T-shirt, her slender feet bare. That’s what he liked most about this woman. No fuss or muss, in spite of her penchant for neatness. Memories of their life together flashed through Matt’s mind and left him filled with such yearning that he longed to go back in time and undo his decision to walk away. Andie in their kitchen fixing dinner. Andie out in the garden, weeding her tomato plants. Andie with her hair curled and smelling divine as he took her out for a night on the town.

When she saw Matt, her eyes widened. “What are you doing here?”

“I—I—” Matt stammered in confusion.

“I invited him. You said I could.” The screen door creaked as Davie pushed it wide.

“I did?” Andie stared at her son, and her knuckles whitened around the dish towel.

“Yeah, I asked if I could invite a friend over for dinner and you said yes.” Two deep furrows creased Davie’s brow. He looked at his mother like she’d gone daft.

Oh, no. Obviously there’d been a misunderstanding. Matt had known the invitation to dinner was too good to be true.

He shifted the gifts in his left arm, leaning his weight on the cane with his right hand. “Looks like we’ve both been duped by a five-year-old. I didn’t mean to intrude. I can come back another time.”

Anger smoldered in her eyes, her gaze darting between the packages and his face. His pulse hitched into triple time. The last thing he wanted was to upset Andie. He took a step back, planning to bid her farewell and return later when she didn’t feel ambushed. Instead, he stumbled and almost fell down the steps. A wrenching cry broke from his lips as he dropped the gifts into the flower bed. His cane clattered to the porch and he staggered against the railing, panting hard.

“Matt!” Andie reached for him.

He bent his head so she wouldn’t see the agony in his eyes. The excruciating pain and humiliation.

“Are you okay?”

She hovered beside him, her hands clutching his arm. The warmth of her fingers sent electric shockwaves over his body. He liked the worried tone of her voice, but didn’t want her pity. It’d been a long time since someone had worried about him, but he wouldn’t use tricks to win her back. He hadn’t planned to be so clumsy or for his leg to hurt like lightning bolts hurtling through his thigh. He wanted to be strong. To be everything for his family.

“I’m f-fine. Just let—let me catch my breath.” He clenched his jaw, fighting off waves of pain.

She pulled a wicker chair over for him to sit down on the porch. He fell back into the chair, breathing hard as he massaged his thigh muscle with his hand. How he hated showing her this weakness. Hated for her to ever know how he’d gotten to this point.

“Davie, get a cup of water,” she said.

While the boy raced inside, she knelt beside Matt, her hands clasping the armrest. “Do you need me to call 9-1-1? What can I do?”

He looked at her anguished face and gritted a smile. “You’ve done it already. Just give me a moment.”

Davie returned, looking serious as he sloshed water over the brim of a red sippy cup minus the lid. Matt chuckled as he accepted the boy’s offering.

“Thanks, Davie.” Matt drained the small cup in two long swallows. The pain eased by small degrees and his breathing calmed. In spite of the chilly air, sweat dripped from his forehead and he brushed it aside. Andie must have noticed because she stood, her expression severe.

“Do you feel well enough to come inside? I have a recliner where you can elevate your leg.”

Davie retrieved Matt’s cane and handed it to him.

“Sure. I’m fine.” He smiled at the boy, doing his best to reassure them both.

Andie took Matt’s arm and helped him inside while Davie held the door wide.

At the threshold, Matt hesitated. “I don’t want to play on your sympathies, Andie. I won’t come in unless you really want me here. My injury has nothing to do with our marriage.”

She bit her bottom lip and looked away, a dead giveaway to her apprehension. He’d learned to read her body language long ago and figured she hadn’t changed that much in the years he’d been gone. She didn’t want him here.

“Come inside for now. Davie invited you.”

Okay, that set some limits. She would honor Davie’s invitation. At least for now.

“How did you hurt your leg?” she asked.

“Just an accident. I’ll be fine.” He wasn’t about to tell her the story of the wildfire and the death of his crewman. Not when the guilt still ripped him apart every time he thought about it.

Davie retrieved the packages Matt had dropped in the flower bed and set them on the coffee table. “Is one of these for me?”

Matt smiled. “Yep. The blue one. The pink one is for your mom.”

“Why don’t you two chat while I get dinner on?” Andie ignored the gifts as she opened the drapes wide. Then she disappeared into the kitchen, leaving him and Davie alone. Easily within earshot. Now and then she peered around the corner, making Matt self-conscious. Obviously she didn’t like leaving him alone with the boy. Matt was determined to win her trust.

Davie tore open his gift like a rabid wolf. Matt laughed, pleased by the child’s enthusiasm.

“What’s this for?” Davie asked as he shredded the delicate paper.

“Your birthday.”

“But my birthday isn’t for weeks. Mom said I can have a party and invite friends over for cake. You can come if you want to.”

Matt would love to be here, but he’d wait for an invitation from Andie first. “This gift is for your last birthday I missed.”

“A baseball glove. Thanks!” Davie dug the glove out of the box and put it on his right hand.

“You wear it like this, hotshot.” Matt pulled the glove off and put it on the boy’s left hand. “Now you can catch with your left hand and throw with your right. You are right-handed, aren’t you?”

Matt used his own hands to show the motions in the air.

“Yep. I’m a righty.” Davie sat on the sofa and scooted back, smacking his right fist against the palm of his new glove. He watched Matt with intense, wide eyes.

As Matt eased himself into the recliner, he couldn’t help wondering if Andie had told Davie who he really was. He eyed the wrapped gift he’d brought for her, wishing she’d open it now. He’d leave it here, and hopefully she’d open it after he left.

“My dad’s name is Matt. He’s a hotshot,” Davie said.

“Is that so?” A lump formed in Matt’s throat, and he tried to swallow.

“Yep. He plays baseball like me.”

“I love baseball.”

The child heaved a satisfied sigh, his big blue eyes unblinking. “You’re my daddy.”

Matt coughed, his throat dry as sandpaper.




Chapter Four


Matt spoke around the hard lump in his throat. “How do you know I’m your daddy? Did your mother tell you that?”

Davie shook his head. “Mom has a picture of you in her bottom drawer. Sometimes I sneak in and peek at it.”

Before Matt could respond, the boy hopped off the couch and padded out of the room. Matt sat there in confusion. Had he said something wrong?

The child returned and handed Matt a picture of him with his arm around Andie, smiling and snuggled together on a large boulder at the Grand Canyon. Their honeymoon. Matt remembered it like yesterday. The best time of his life. They’d been so in love. So happy.

And he’d destroyed it all.

Davie sat on the ottoman. “Mom said you’d come meet me one day. Why’d you leave us?”

Us. Fascinating how Davie assumed he’d always been in his parents’ lives.

“I didn’t know about you when I left. Your mom had you after I was gone.”

“So why didn’t you come back?” The boy’s eyes filled with awe and dejection at the same time.

Matt’s mind scrambled for a legitimate excuse that wouldn’t lose him any respect in his son’s eyes. “The truth is, I was selfish. I wanted to fight wildfires in Oregon, which meant I had to transfer up there.”

“Why didn’t you take us with you?”

“Your mom didn’t want to move. She wanted to stay in one place and raise a family. I wanted to build my career.”

“Can’t you stay with us and build your career, too?”

Boy, this kid wasn’t making things easy. “It’s not quite that simple, son.”

His son. A bright boy who was confronting him with the truth while trying hard to understand why his father had left him.

“Mom said you don’t want her. You just want to see me.”

“That’s not true. I want both of you. Very much.” Matt spoke around the emotion in his voice, hoping to dispel any misunderstandings right now.

“Really? You mean it?”

“Yes, I mean it.”

“Pinkie promise?” The child held out his hand, his pinkie finger hooked slightly.

As Matt looped his pinkie finger around Davie’s and they shook, he fought the urge to smile. “Pinkie promise.”

Davie tilted his head in confusion. “Mom must not know you still want her. You should tell her.”

Or rather, she no longer wanted Matt. He couldn’t believe it was too late to win her back. He couldn’t give up hope.

“Hey! You want to come to my T-ball game in two weeks? It’s the first of the season,” Davie said.

Matt flinched, having trouble keeping up with the change in topics. It appeared his son had forgiven him so easily. If only Andie could do the same. “I’d love to.”

Davie scooted off the ottoman, his face alight with excitement. “All the other dads come. Brian Phelps says I don’t have a dad. Won’t he be surprised when you show up? You want to see my uniform?”

Matt’s heart wrenched. Thinking about his son growing up without a father almost unmanned him. Matt had so much apologizing to do. So much lost time to make up for. “I’d like that.”

Davie ran across the room and disappeared down the hallway. Matt looked up and found Andie standing in the doorway, her eyes filled with annoyance.

“I didn’t invite you to dinner, you know.” She crossed her arms.

“I know that now. I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. I’m not used to how little boys work.”

“Oh, sure you are.” She leaned against the wall. “They’re just smaller versions of grown men.”

Matt sighed with resignation. This wasn’t going to be easy. For any of them. In the old days, he would have snapped back at Andie, but he just didn’t want to anymore. She must be so hurt and angry. Nothing but remorse and love for her filled his heart. “I suppose you’re right. But eventually even grown men grow up.”

She stepped away from the wall, her mouth tight with disapproval. “I hope so.”

Realizing Matt was watching her, Andie blinked and began picking up toys around the living room. She’d overheard Davie’s conversation with Matt and didn’t like it one bit. How she wished Davie could get to know his father without becoming emotionally attached. But Davie loving Matt was inevitable. The boy wanted his father. So much. For that reason alone, Andie had let Matt into her house.

Against her better judgment.

“You put him into baseball?” Matt asked.

She shrugged. “He started last year. It’s what he chose.”

“I guess it’s in his blood.”

She straightened, a roller skate dangling from her fingers. “Actually, he saw a picture of you playing baseball in college and refused to consider any other sport.”

He glanced around the room. “I don’t see any pictures of me. Not a single one.”

She looked away. “He went snooping and found the photo albums I had put away in the bottom of my cedar chest. He’s a bit like you. Intelligent and precocious.” She didn’t mean it as a compliment. “Once Davie realized you’d played baseball, that was it. He insisted he would, too.”

And she didn’t have the heart to hide the pictures from Davie. At first, she’d left photos of Matt out, hoping he’d return. After a year, the photographs became a constant reminder of what she’d lost, and she’d finally put them away.

“Smart kid,” Matt said.

“Yes, he is.”

“I can understand why you didn’t want to show him pictures of me.”

She turned, her gaze locking with his. All the years of waiting and hoping, fighting off the loneliness and hurt, came boiling up inside her fast and hard. “I didn’t want him to hurt as much as I did.”

“I’m sorry for hurting you, Andie.”

“Yeah, right.” She pursed her lips tight.

“I didn’t know he existed until a few days ago. And he didn’t know me.”

She hardened her jaw. “And whose fault is that? You left me, remember?”

“If you’d just called and told me I had a son—”

Davie stood in the doorway, looking between them. He wore his Redhawks uniform, the leather baseball glove firmly on his left hand. His little face crinkled with worry. “Are you guys having a fight?”

Matt flashed a smile and gestured to his son. Davie walked closer and Matt squeezed his arm. “No, we’re just having a grown-up discussion, that’s all. Hey! This uniform looks great on you. Maybe we can play catch sometime.”

Davie’s eyes brightened. “How about now?”

“It’s dark outside and getting late. You haven’t had your dinner yet.” Andie turned and folded the burgundy afghan before draping it over the back of the couch.

“How about tomorrow evening after I get off work?” Matt stood and tugged on the brim of Davie’s baseball cap.

“Yeah! But aren’t you staying for supper?”

Matt shook his head. “Sorry, hotshot. I can’t. Maybe another time.”

“Ah!” Davie walked him to the door. “Don’t be late tomorrow, or it’ll be supper time and Mom won’t let me go out cause she thinks it’s too dark and cold.”

“You got it.”

Matt looked over the boy’s head at Andie. She stood in the middle of the room, feeling harsh and unforgiving. She didn’t say anything, wishing Matt would leave. If she told him not to come back, he’d find another way to visit Davie. His work provided plenty of opportunity to schedule meetings where Andie would need to be present.

She refused to be forced to do something she didn’t want to do. But getting Matt out of her life again would take a gigantic miracle.

Finally Davie was asleep. After Matt left, the boy had been so wound up, he barely ate any dinner. Dad this and Dad that. Davie had gone on and on about what he planned to do with his father. Andie had never seen her son so animated. Not even on Christmas morning.

Oh, Matt. Please don’t hurt us again.

Turning off the hall light, she sat in the recliner and stared at the gift Matt had brought her. A small package wrapped in dainty pink paper with a pretty white bow. Her fingers itched to know what was inside. She remembered the last time he’d bought her a gift—on their third anniversary, three months before he left. An exquisite heart-shaped ruby necklace she hadn’t worn since. Sometimes she took it out of the box and held it in her hands, usually at night when she couldn’t sleep and was all alone so no one heard her cry.

Standing, she picked up Matt’s gift and carried it to the kitchen, where she dropped it into the garbage can. The thunk as it hit bottom mirrored her empty heart. It felt good to let it go. To mentally tell Matt no. He couldn’t just walk back into her life like this. Her heart no longer had room for him.

Flipping off the living room light, she walked through the dark to her bedroom. She sat on the corner of her bed and folded her hands in her lap, letting the quiet of the house settle her nerves.

She shook her head and stood, retracing her steps to the kitchen. In the shadows, she reached for Matt’s gift and pulled it out of the garbage before carrying it back to her room. Taking a deep breath, she closed the bedroom door and flipped on the light.

A quick study of the package showed uneven edges and too much tape. Knowing Matt had wrapped this himself almost made her smile. Almost.

Slowly and carefully, she peeled back the delicate paper to reveal a white box. She found an envelope placed on top of an expensive silver-gilded music box. Taking the music box from the Bubble Wrap, she lifted the lid. The soft tune of “Unchained Melody” filled the room.

Their love song.

She hummed along for a moment, remembering the poignant words so well. She had loved this song in the past. Now the lyrics seemed mournful, filled with longing and loneliness.

Are you still mine?

The words left her feeling empty and depressed. She closed the lid, her hands shaking. The card rested on the bedspread, beckoning to her.

Her fingers reached for it of their own volition. She lifted the flap and pulled the card free of the envelope. For all his manly ways, Matt had always been a romantic. Cards, flowers and gifts. Before he’d left, he’d never forgotten her birthday or their anniversary.

Before he’d left.

The card was just what she expected. A flowery, mushy sentiment of the heart. But what he’d written touched her like nothing else could.

To my dear wife Andie, for giving me the greatest gift of all. Our son. Love, Matt

She sat there in shock. Not even realizing she was crying until her tears dripped onto the card, smudging the ink.

She sniffed and wiped her eyes, then wrapped up the card and music box and tucked them far away in the highest, darkest corner of her closet. Where Davie wouldn’t find them.

Her heart ached. She felt more alone than ever before. What did Matt expect from her? To just welcome him back with open arms? She couldn’t do that. Not after what he’d put her through. She believed in God, and forgiveness but she just couldn’t let this go. She didn’t have that much faith.

She wondered about his leg. Something had happened to him. Something bad. Maybe a car accident or other injury. It must have changed him somehow. He seemed so vulnerable now. So sad.

Clicking off the light, she crawled into bed and stared into the darkness. She hadn’t said her evening prayers because she knew if she did, she’d have to soften her anger. And she wasn’t ready to offer forgiveness yet, if ever.

In the morning, she’d go about her routine, dropping Davie off at kindergarten before she drove in to work. Then she’d close her office door and make a phone call. It was time she knew the truth.




Chapter Five


“Kendal Albright speaking.”

Andie gripped the phone in her office and took a cleansing breath when she heard Kendal’s familiar voice. “Hi, Ken. It’s Andie Foster, er, Cutter. How are you?”

“Andie! Well I’ll be. I haven’t talked to you in years. I’m great. How about you?”

“I’m good.” She didn’t know how to broach the subject on her mind. Kendal had worked with her and Matt years earlier when they’d first started as linespeople working summer wildfires to earn enough money for their college tuition. Ken was Matt’s best friend and should know what was going on.

“Congratulations on making squad boss of the Red Mesa Hotshots. I heard about it through the grapevine a year ago,” she said.

He paused and took a deep breath. “Actually, I’ve just been promoted again. With Matt leaving, I’m now the crew boss.”

“That’s great.” She tried to put some enthusiasm into her voice, but couldn’t muster much. Knowing Matt no longer got to do what he loved made her feel cheerless, and she didn’t understand why.

“How is your old man anyway?” Ken asked.

Old man. She tried to envision Matt as a senior citizen with gray hair and wrinkles. No matter how he aged, she didn’t think she could ever view him as anything other than the handsome, rugged man she’d married. “Actually, that’s why I called.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I was hoping maybe you could tell me why he left Oregon.”

Another long pause. “He hasn’t told you?”

“No. He limps now and walks with a cane. Do you know what happened to him?”

“Unfortunately, I do. But he should tell you about it, not me.”

“That’s not gonna happen, Ken. I’ve asked him about it twice and he keeps brushing it aside.”

Silence filled the void for several heartbeats, as if Ken were thinking this over. “I was afraid of that. He won’t accept help.”

“Help for what?” she asked.

His voice lowered to a gruff rasp. “It was bad, Andie. Real bad. It was a relatively small brush fire last summer. Perhaps eighty acres. Matt and his crew were building a fire line and had moved up the hill. They were working hard and fast. If the fire made it over the ridge, it would have gone into big timber and out of control. Matt was determined to stop it, but not at the expense of his crew. No one blamed him for what happened.”

Andie lowered her head and pressed her free hand to her forehead. She’d worked on enough wildfires to know the dangerous risks. “So what happened?”

“The wind changed suddenly, boxing Matt and one of his men into a small clearing. It was a fluke of nature no one could have seen coming. They deployed their fire shelters, but the heat of the fire was too intense. It killed one of his men. No one knows why Matt survived.”

She released a shuddering breath, trying to absorb the ramifications of Ken’s words like a sponge soaking up sand. It just wouldn’t sink in. “Matt blames himself, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah, but he won’t talk about it, Andie. I know he’s harboring tremendous guilt. He followed the ten standard wildfire-fighting orders and the eighteen watch-out situations, but he lost communication. Before he could rectify that, the winds changed. He did everything right, but it still happened so fast. I was hoping once he saw you, he might open up and let it go.”

Ken went on to tell her about Matt’s recovery. Four months. That’s how long Matt had been in the Oregon Burn Center at Emmanuel Hospital in Portland, recovering from second- and third-degree burns on his legs. Four months of excruciating pain.

“They didn’t think he’d ever walk again, but he was determined. And once he sets his mind to do something, he does it,” Ken said.

“Yeah, Matt was always like that.” Her voice sounded strained.

“I know he was working with a physical therapist before he left for Nevada. He was pushing himself too hard, but he said he had to be ready to pass his work-capacity test for the new fire season.”

“Why would he want to fight wildfires again?”

“It’s what he does, what he’s best at. I don’t know if he can ever rehabilitate his leg for that kind of work again, but he’s determined to try.”

“He never would take no for an answer,” Andie admitted.

In spite of her anger at Matt, she couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. It was the risk every firefighter faced. Matt had been trained to deal with the danger, but how could he really prepare for the loss of one of the men under his command?

“It wasn’t his fault, Andie.”

She lifted her head, trying to still the shaking of her hands. “Why does he blame himself?”

“Because he was the crew boss. Because he survived.”

Survivor’s guilt.

“Oh!” She moaned and clenched her eyes closed, imagining how she would feel if she lost one of her crew members in a wildfire. She’d be sick with anguish. They weren’t just crew. They were friends. People you laughed with, ate and worked with every day. How could you tell their family that they wouldn’t be coming home again?

“He almost died, Andie. By all rights, he shouldn’t have survived. But you know Matt.”

Yes, she knew Matt. Or at least, she used to know him. Now she wasn’t so certain.

“Has he talked to you about the fire?” she asked.

Ken gave a harsh laugh. “Nope. Every time I brought it up, he shut me down. Almost losing his life changed him somehow. He insists he doesn’t need to see a doctor. I visited him in the hospital several times. Once, he was delirious with pain and medication. All he talked about was seeing you and making things right with you again.”

“Really?” Odd, since Matt had never called.




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