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An Amish Proposal
Jo Ann Brown
Rescued: Mother-to-BePregnant and without options, Katie Kay Lapp is trapped between two worlds—abandoned by her baby’s English father, not ready to return to her Amish family. With nowhere to go, she's rescued by the unlikeliest of heroes—the man whose heart she shattered. Months ago, Micah Stoltzfus courted her, envisioned a future with her, until she chose the big city over him. Now bound by duty to protect mother and child, Micah offers a solution—marriage. Though his heart never healed, he still cares for the Amish beauty. He knows he’ll be the father Katie Kay’s baby needs…but can he show her he’s also the love she’s always wanted?Amish Hearts: Love comes to Lancaster County


Rescued: Mother-to-Be
Pregnant and without options, Katie Kay Lapp is trapped between two worlds—abandoned by her baby’s Englisch father, not ready to return to her Amish family. With nowhere to go, she’s rescued by the unlikeliest of heroes—the man whose heart she shattered. Months ago, Micah Stoltzfus courted her, envisioned a future with her, until she chose the big city over him. Now bound by duty to protect mother and child, Micah offers a solution—marriage. Though his heart never healed, he still cares for the Amish beauty. He knows he’ll be the father Katie Kay’s baby needs...but can he show her he’s also the love she’s always wanted?
Micah’s touch scrambled her thoughts.
Her hopes that he hadn’t noticed the tremor in her voice faded when he said, “It’s going to be okay.” He flashed her a smile.
Lost in her despair, she’d failed to see how much power his grins still had to move her, reminding her how they’d laughed together after singings. She realized how much she missed that.
Something else she’d thrown away when she’d tossed him out of her life.
“Tell me the truth, Micah,” she blurted. “Why are you helping me?”
“Why wouldn’t I? You’re pregnant and—”
“You don’t have to feel obligated because you’re the one who found me.”
He shook his head, sadness dimming his eyes. “After all this time, Katie Kay, I thought you knew me better than that.”
She winced, realizing how she had wounded him. It hadn’t been intentional. She wanted to know the truth about why a man whom she’d treated poorly would help her.
No, it was more than helping. He wanted to be certain she and the boppli were taken care of. He was a gut man. Better than she deserved.
Dear Reader (#u135a0d1f-fcee-5c34-82a2-c6423cd3dccf),
Dorothy isn’t the only one who wonders what’s “over the rainbow.” That song and story resonate with us because we’re impatient to find out what lies ahead or want to make sure, as Katie Kay does, that we’re not missing out on something important. Learning to “let go and let God” is tough, and many of us have to learn it over and over. And sometimes the hard way. With each reminder that God understands what’s truly inside her, Katie Kay opens her heart to Him and love. And that’s a lesson for all of us to let go and let God lead us on the path He has for us, isn’t it?
Stop in and visit me at www.joannbrownbooks.com (http://www.joannbrownbooks.com). Look for my next story coming soon from Harlequin Love Inspired.
Wishing you many blessings,
Jo Ann Brown
JO ANN BROWN has always loved stories with happily-ever-after endings. A former military officer, she is thrilled to have the chance to write stories about people falling in love. She is also a photographer and travels with her husband of more than thirty years to places where she can snap pictures. They have three children and live in Florida. Drop her a note at joannbrownbooks.com (http://joannbrownbooks.com).
An Amish Proposal
Jo Ann Brown


www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
For all people will walk every one in the name of his god, and we will walk in the name of the Lord our God forever and ever.
—Micah 4:5
For Elizabeth McIntyre
Thanks for keeping us on track.
And herding writers is
definitely harder than herding cats...
Contents
Cover (#uac83c692-11df-50af-8d9a-97538f669f98)
Back Cover Text (#u2e774546-b395-5138-95b0-6fb59585c66c)
Introduction (#ua5fb2a4d-4415-58a7-b5ba-2b909c1d43a5)
Dear Reader (#u29342de9-a614-5e45-a2f5-65a84f7e4b43)
About the Author (#u9d96c4e7-3d5e-5034-adf8-d64cd11f2745)
Title Page (#ued0a667f-799e-59b6-9c3c-9b4127d0c59f)
Bible Verse (#ubc51a471-1dc0-5c42-8423-9c455964f123)
Dedication (#u3fa5bed8-3e9c-511b-9327-4b59d4d399ed)
Chapter One (#u4babd8d5-86e5-5c40-9815-a2c93c4e5092)
Chapter Two (#uabf4c25e-bd72-5ac1-9df8-ac99142aaaf5)
Chapter Three (#u0e33f28e-6240-5cd9-83a7-48ec69d53f0e)
Chapter Four (#u64a347eb-8c83-5fba-af9d-90168f83ea10)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One (#u135a0d1f-fcee-5c34-82a2-c6423cd3dccf)
Paradise Springs
Lancaster County, Pennsylvania
When the night sky opened and it started raining, Katie Kay Lapp stopped by the side of the road, covered her face with her hands and began to cry. The cold downpour was the final insult in a day that had begun badly and gotten worse with each passing hour. How had she gotten to this point? Months ago, she’d been the center of attention of young men at any gathering. They’d vied for time with her and for the chance to take her home in their courting buggies. Now she was abandoned and afraid and had no place to go.
You could go home.
Ach, it was easy for the little voice in her head—the one nagging her endlessly about doing the right thing—to say that. But she’d burned her bridges behind her and in front of her and around her. She couldn’t go home. Her sisters would welcome her, but Daed would insist on knowing every detail of what she’d done since she ran away. He’d want to pray with her and ask her to repent for any sins she’d committed.
And she’d committed a bunch. Some intentionally and others by accident. In the eyes of Bishop Reuben Lapp, what she’d done would need to be repented for with prayer before it could be forgiven.
She moaned aloud when she imagined telling her daed about her fear that she was pregnant. Many plain women her age were married with one or more bopplin, but she hadn’t been ready to settle down and lead an Amish life, the only life she’d ever known until she left home four months ago to find out what the rest of the world was like. It hadn’t been a carefree rumspringa decision. Instead, she’d made the choice with care and a lot of deep consideration.
Or so she’d thought at the time.
Raindrops slid beneath her T-shirt and down her spine like a cascade of ice cubes. October could be a beautiful month in southeastern Pennsylvania or unforgiving like tonight.
Straightening, Katie Kay looked around. She wasn’t sure where she was. Somewhere in rural Lancaster County, she knew, but not exactly where. She hadn’t paid any attention. She’d been surprised when Austin, whom she’d described to others as her Englisch boyfriend because she’d foolishly believed he cared about her, had driven her and a couple of other Englischers out of Lancaster City, but she hadn’t watched where they were going. Rain had been falling, and the streetlights had glittered on the windshield, disguising any landmarks in splattered light. She hadn’t expected she’d need to know. She’d thought she was returning to the apartment she shared with Austin and their friends.
Not her friends, she knew. Neither had protested when Austin snatched her cell phone from her purse and ordered her out of the car. Maybe Vinnie and Juan, his Englisch friends, had been as astounded as she’d been, never guessing he’d drive off and not come back for her.
She kept walking. She didn’t have any other choice. The country road was two narrow lanes that curved and rose and fell over the rolling hillsides. It was edged on both sides by harvested fields. She peered through the darkness, but the lights she could see appeared to be a mile or two in the distance. Was she somewhere without many houses? Or were there ones between her and the distant lights? Amish houses wouldn’t be lit this late in the evening because the people living in them usually rose before the sun and were in bed soon after sunset.
Two cars raced toward her. If the drivers saw her, they gave no sign, not swerving to the middle of the road to make sure they avoided her as they passed. The tires of the second sent a shower of dirty water over her.
“It’s not fair!” she cried out. Nothing had been fair since her mamm died five years ago. Everyone had expected her to step into the role of housekeeper for her daed. After all, her half sister had when Daed’s first wife died. But Priscilla was the perfect Amish daughter and now was the perfect Amish wife and mamm. Katie Kay had been the one who questioned everything and was too curious to accept things just because someone told her so.
But look where curiosity had gotten her. A part of her wanted to pray, but she silenced that longing as she had for four months. Reaching out to God seemed like admitting she couldn’t survive on her own among Englischers.
And why would God want to hear from her after she’d turned her back on Him and the life He’d given her? Another bridge she’d burned and wondered if it could ever be rebuilt.
A familiar sound came from behind her. Metal wheels on asphalt accompanied by iron horseshoes clip-clopping in a steady rhythm.
Katie Kay knew the source of those sounds. They’d been a part of her life since her earliest memories. Stepping off the edge of the road, she considered going down the slope toward a shadowed hedgerow until after the buggy had passed. An Amish person wouldn’t go by her without stopping as the cars had, but she needed to avoid plain people until she figured out where she was.
Her feet refused to move. Her own body rebelled against standing a moment longer than necessary in the cold rain. Maybe she should try to hitch a ride with the buggy, so she could find shelter before the rain turned to sleet. Who would recognize her as the wayward daughter of Reuben Lapp, a beloved bishop?
The clatter of the wheels began to slow, and she knew she’d been seen in the lights connected to the buggy. Again, she was torn between running away and running toward it. How could she have gotten herself to this point? A few months ago, she’d been the pampered daughter of a respected Amish bishop. Now she was cowering by the side of a country road, left behind like a discarded kitten dropped by a heartless owner.
Which wasn’t far off from the truth. Austin hadn’t tossed her out of the car, but he’d raised his hand when she hesitated to follow his orders. Though he’d never struck her, she’d seen him flatten a man a head taller than him with a single blow. Again she told herself she shouldn’t have been honest with him about her suspicion she might be pregnant until she was absolutely sure. Austin Moore prided himself on being a man without a single obligation to anyone or anything, and she should have known he’d refuse to take responsibility if she’d conceived. She wasn’t sure, though signs pointed in that direction. By now, he’d be at the apartment in Lancaster they’d shared with two other Englischers, and he’d be watching sports and drinking whatever was in the fridge. He wouldn’t spare her another thought. It wasn’t as if he loved her.
And that realization was the most painful of all.
A voice called from the buggy that had pulled alongside her while the rain fell relentlessly on her bare head. “Katie Kay? Katie Kay Lapp, is it you?” Surprise lifted the deep voice several notches, but she recognized it.
Micah Stoltzfus!
Out of everyone in Lancaster County, why did he have to be in the buggy?
Micah had taken her home—several times—from social events, and she’d even let him kiss her. She’d decided she liked him well enough, and she’d enjoyed his kisses, but she wasn’t interested in someone who kept talking about the future. She’d been happy focusing on the present, when there were a lot of gut-looking guys eager to take her home.
Why not enjoy what was going on and let tomorrow worry about itself?
That had been her motto, but now she was being forced to see where such a shortsighted plan had left her.
Alone.
Possibly pregnant.
And about to have to beg help from a man she’d told to get lost a year ago.
* * *
The petite woman standing beside his buggy bore little resemblance to the vivacious beauty he’d admired for years, but Micah Stoltzfus knew he wasn’t mistaken. Though she didn’t answer him and confirm her identity, he recognized Katie Kay Lapp’s oval face and very large blue eyes. Her blond hair was no longer pulled back beneath a white organdy kapp. It’d been cropped short with bangs above her tawny brows and hung around her shoulders, weighed down by the rain. He guessed the strands which had been silken when they escaped her bun and brushed his face would, when dry, bounce with each step she took. Instead of a simple dress, she wore blue jeans and a black T-shirt that looked as if it’d been ruined before she’d stood outside in the storm.
He wanted to ask her where she’d been and what she’d been doing since she had left her daed’s house after a big argument. Reuben had been troubled about her vanishing, fearing what might happen to his naïve daughter. Katie Kay had left behind a message stating she was going to live with an Englisch friend. She hadn’t said which one or where or when she might come home. The burden of not knowing had bent Reuben’s shoulders, and Micah believed only his plans to marry Wanda Stoltzfus, Micah’s mamm, and his strong faith had kept the bishop from being ground down completely. Reuben was a shadow of the vibrant man he’d once been.
Instead of asking the questions taunting him, Micah called through the open door on the driver’s side of his buggy, “Don’t you want to get out of the rain?”
She nodded, biting her lower lip.
For a moment, he wondered if he was wrong about her being Katie Kay Lapp. The Katie Kay he knew never had been abashed or quiet. Instead she’d had a quick retort and an easy laugh. This pale wraith might look like the woman he’d known, but where had her bright sparkle gone?
He was being silly. The woman was Katie Kay Lapp. She was walking in the direction of Paradise Springs, where both her family and his lived.
“Komm in,” he said as he reached across the buggy to open the passenger side door. He shut the one on his side while she hurried around the buggy. The rain was falling harder, and he didn’t want to get soaked before he reached home. He would have been there by now if he and his business partner, Sean Donnelly, hadn’t needed to meet with a new client tonight.
He hoped he and Sean would get the job installing solar panels for a new client. Otherwise, it would have been a waste of an evening and a slow, cold ride home. Sean’s wife, Gemma, had asked Micah to stay at their house overnight, but he hadn’t wanted his family to worry when he didn’t return to the farm.
And Katie Kay would have been left to walk along the road connecting Paradise Springs and Ronks in the heart of Lancaster County. He hadn’t seen another vehicle, other than a couple of cars driving at an unsafe speed along the twisting road. Certainly no buggies, because any person with sense would be inside on an inclement night.
When Katie Kay climbed in and slid the door closed, she sat as far from him as possible in the small buggy. Which wasn’t very far. If they both put their hands on the seat between them, their fingers would overlap.
As they used to when he took her home after a singing.
That’s over and done with, he reminded himself. She’d made it clear the last time he took her home in his courting buggy that if he disappeared from the face of the earth, she’d be fine. Instead, she had gone away, jumping the fence to live with Englischers.
She didn’t look at him or speak, but in the glow from the buggy’s lights, he saw she was shivering.
“Here.” He stretched his arm behind the seat and pulled out a towel he kept among his tools. He used it when he washed up after a hot day of working on a roof while installing solar panels.
“Thanks.” She hesitated as if he’d be upset her first word to him wasn’t in Deitsch, the language of the plain people, and he’d order her out of the buggy. Before he could ask why she acted like a beaten pup, she added in not much more than a whisper, “Danki.”
“Sounds like you’ve gotten used to talking to your Englisch friends.”
“They aren’t my friends,” she snapped and then turned away to dry her dripping hair.
At last! A glimpse of the self-assured Katie Kay, though he wished he hadn’t had to be irksome to get her to respond. When they’d first started walking out together, he’d admired that aspect of her. He’d thought then that she could be the special one for him. When she’d selected him from among her admirers, he’d believed it meant something. What a fool he’d been!
Taking the reins, he slapped them on Rascal’s back. The horse was the same dark gray as the storm clouds overhead. Rascal stepped on the road. Micah didn’t need to convince him to a faster pace. The buggy horse was eager to get home and dry.
Katie Kay didn’t say anything as they drove through the night. From the corner of his eye, he saw her squeezing water out of her hair and into the towel. She never glanced in his direction. He might as well have been invisible.
He pulled on the left rein to turn Rascal onto the road to the Lapp farm. The horse resisted.
“Let’s go, Rascal,” Micah said past clenched teeth. He couldn’t let his irritation with the woman beside him make him upset at the buggy horse. Rascal wanted to go right to reach his dry stable.
A damp hand settled on his left arm. He hated the tingle erupting out from where Katie Kay touched him. After a year, she had the same effect on him. He was a bigger fool than he’d thought.
“Go some other way,” she ordered. “Any other way.”
“This is the fastest way to your house.”
“No! You can’t take me home.”
“Of course I’m taking you home.” He frowned. “Where else did you think I was taking you?”
“I don’t care. Anywhere else.” Her voice broke, and her whisper was raw. “Just not home. Please, Micah. Don’t take me home.”
He didn’t bother to hide his shock. What had happened to her? He’d never heard her beg anyone for anything.
“You need to go home, Katie Kay. Your family has been beside themselves with worry about you. I’m taking you home.”
“No, you’re not!” She grabbed the passenger side door. “If you think I won’t jump out of this buggy, then you’re wrong.”
“Don’t be silly. You could hurt yourself.”
“I didn’t before,” he thought he heard her mutter, but before he could ask if he’d heard her correctly, she said, “If you’re going to be like that, Micah, stop and let me out.”
“I’m not leaving you out here in the middle of a stormy night.”
“And you’re not taking me home.” Again her voice broke. “I’m not ready to face them. Not yet.”
Hardening his heart to her was impossible. They’d known each other all their lives. He’d counted her among his gut friends before he’d fallen for her. Her daed was marrying his mamm in a month.
Was that why Katie Kay had returned? For the wedding? If so, Reuben and Mamm would be overjoyed to see her. But why didn’t she want to relieve her daed’s fears? Too much didn’t make sense.
“Micah,” she said softly, “please take me somewhere else.”
“Where?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you have any money? One of the hotels out on Route 30 might not be completely booked on a weeknight.”
She rolled her eyes. “I don’t have enough to pay for a room.” Opening her soaked purse that sat in a damp spot on the seat, she gasped.
“What’s wrong?”
“He took my money! I thought he was just taking my cell phone.”
Micah’s hands tightened on the reins. “He? Were you robbed?”
“Not exactly.”
If she was trying to be baffling tonight, she was succeeding. Maybe if he tried a different approach...
“Katie Kay, I don’t want to have to lie to Reuben when he talks about wondering where you are.”
“I’m not asking you to lie. I’m asking you not to say anything about seeing me.”
“That’s splitting hairs.”
“Maybe it is.” Again she looked away. “But I can’t face my family right now.”
It was the second time she’d said those words. He wanted to ask why she intended to avoid her family, but she looked dejected and lost, so unlike the girl he’d known. He pushed aside his objections. The Bible taught that they were supposed to help one another. Yet it also was at the very heart of God’s commandments that the duty to honor one’s parents must never be set aside for any reason.
He drew in the horse and sat with his elbows on his knees as the buggy slowed to a stop by the side of the road. He knew what he should do. He should haul her at top speed to her family’s house. But that might do more damage than gut. She obviously needed time to prepare herself before she spoke to Reuben. Letting her have a day or two wouldn’t make a big difference, and granting her a favor might be the very thing that kept her from jumping the fence again. At least until after she and Reuben had a chance to meet. Not knowing where she was had been hardest on the bishop. If they could reconcile, perhaps it would smooth over the situation, even if she chose to leave again.
“All right,” he said, hoping he wasn’t making a complete mess of everything and praying both Reuben and God would understand. “I may know someone who can put you up for tonight.”
“Not among the Leit. The news would reach my family before dawn.”
That was true. The Amish didn’t use phones or email except for business, but nothing stayed a secret long in their tight-knit community. Jokingly referred to as the Amish grapevine, gossip and rumors flew faster than anything in cyberspace.
“These people are Englischers.” He glanced at her clothing. “I’m sure you’re accustomed to folks who aren’t Amish. I’ll ask my friends Sean and Gemma Donnelly to let you stay with them tonight.”
“Danki, Micah!” Her frown eased for the first time since she’d gotten into the buggy, and his heart did a crazy little flip as it always did when she smiled at him. But, this time, he ignored it. He wouldn’t make the same mistake of thinking she cared for him as much as he’d cared for her. He wouldn’t make that mistake ever again!
“Don’t thank me yet. I’m not helping you unless you agree to do what I ask.”
At his stern tone, her smile faltered.
Micah plunged forward with what he knew he had to get her to agree to do. “I will help you find a place for tonight and won’t mention to anyone you’re here, but only if you agree to speak with your daed. Not tonight,” he added when she started to protest. “Within a week.”
“That’s too soon.”
“Then tell me how long you need.”
“I don’t know.”
“I told you what I think is long enough. Tell me what you think is long enough before you speak with Reuben.” He couldn’t relent on this, though he wasn’t sure she’d honor any agreement. The Katie Kay he used to know would have, but the one sitting beside him was a stranger.
“A month.”
He sat straighter. “What? A whole month? Why do you need a month?”
“You don’t need to know why. I need time to be sure about things. A lot of things.” She raised her face toward him, and he could see the glitter in her eyes. Determination to get her way or tears or both? “If you’ll find me a place to stay, Micah, I’ll talk to my daed before a month’s gone by. Agreed?”
He considered her words. If he said no, that wouldn’t change anything. She wasn’t going to talk to her daed. If he said ja, there was a chance she might do as she said. He owed Reuben that much.
Turning the horse’s head back in the direction they’d come, he said, “Agreed.”
She thanked him, but he paid no attention as he stared out into the darkness. He’d made the best decision he could have under the circumstances or the worst. He wasn’t sure which.
Chapter Two (#u135a0d1f-fcee-5c34-82a2-c6423cd3dccf)
Micah assured Katie Kay while they drove through the darkness that his friends would be willing to take her in for the night. As to what she’d do tomorrow night, she wasn’t sure. Maybe one of her Englisch friends would let her stay at her house. She must have one who wasn’t afraid of Austin.
But most of her Englisch friends had been Austin’s friends a lot longer than they’d been hers.
She’d never felt more alone. Her whole life, she’d been surrounded by friends, both female and male. As she grew up, the male friends became admirers, and she’d had fun flirting with them. Soon, if her suspicions that she was pregnant were true, none of them would be interested in her.
Though she’d glowered at Micah, he hadn’t backed away from his insistence she speak with her daed. He’d always been stubborn, but she’d usually persuaded him to change his mind. Not tonight. She recognized the set of his square jaw, identical to his twin brother’s, except Micah didn’t have a cleft in his chin. His black hair fell into his startlingly blue eyes that saw so much and revealed so little. His days spent in construction work had broadened his shoulders and knotted muscles in his arms beneath his work coat. She couldn’t believe some girl hadn’t snagged him as her husband in the past year.
And you should be glad for that. She hated listening to her conscience, but she couldn’t argue with it. If he hadn’t been out tonight, she wasn’t sure where she could have found shelter without resorting to knocking on doors.
But Micah couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to talk to her daed and she couldn’t tell him the truth. She needed to know if she was pregnant or not. And if she was... With a sigh, she admitted she didn’t know what she’d do.
The house where Sean and Gemma Donnelly lived was closer to Ronks than Paradise Springs. Katie Kay was relieved because the two districts her daed oversaw as a bishop didn’t reach that far west. The Donnellys’ single-story house was close to the road, and, unlike the plain houses they’d passed, bright lights glowed in the windows. Electric wires ran high over the driveway, where a pair of vans, one with lettering on the side, were parked. She couldn’t read what was painted on it, and she didn’t care.
All she wanted was to have a place to sleep and to wake in the morning to find tonight had been nothing but a nightmare. It had to be. Austin wouldn’t have treated her heartlessly, and her heroic knight in a gray buggy wouldn’t have been Micah. What a joke on her!
Drawing in his horse, Micah stopped the buggy next to one van. She saw a hitching post nearby and wondered why it was there. Maybe the people inside provided a service to the plain community. He lashed the reins around it while she stepped out with the towel over her head to hold off the rain.
“This way,” Micah said, walking along flagstones to the front door.
She followed without saying anything. When he knocked a couple of times and then opened the door, she knew he must be a regular visitor. Amish people walked in without knocking but not the Englischers she’d met. They’d been horrified the first time she entered without waiting for someone to open the door. She’d been mortified, not realizing then how many more mistakes she had ahead of her.
“Is something wrong, Micah?” asked an Englischer as he entered the narrow hallway on the other side of the door. He wasn’t as tall as Micah, but he wore similar work clothes. His hair was red and tightly curled both on his head and in his thick beard and mustache.
“We didn’t expect you back tonight.” A woman followed the man into the hallway. She was plump and wore her dark hair in a ponytail. Dressed in a flowery bathrobe and fluffy slippers, she looked ready for bed. “Are you okay? Is Rascal all right?”
“We’re fine. I left him tied out by the driveway,” Micah answered, and Katie Kay realized Rascal must be his horse. An odd name for a buggy horse, but maybe the beast wasn’t plodding and slow when the weather was gut. “Sean and Gemma Donnelly, this is my...friend. Katie Kay Lapp.”
Did the others hear his hesitation? It made her sad, though she wasn’t quite sure why. She’d treated him poorly, so she should be grateful he attached the word friend to her name. She needed a friend.
“Come inside,” Gemma said with a welcoming smile. “What a horrible night to be out! Can I get you something hot to drink? I think there’s cocoa left in the cupboard.”
“Perfect,” Katie Kay said at the same time Micah replied, “No, thanks, we don’t need anything.”
He frowned at her, and she wanted to ask why. Gemma had offered, and she’d accepted. She understood when Gemma turned, revealing the unmistakable outline of a very pregnant body. In a few months, she could look the same. Her fingers went to her belly. Was it as flat as it’d been a few weeks ago?
“Actually,” Katie Kay hurried to add, “I’m fine. Being inside and warm is helping. I’ll skip the cocoa.” She hoped her stomach wouldn’t growl and betray the fact she hadn’t had anything to eat since noon, when she’d finally been able to hold down food. All morning, she’d been sick...as she had for the past week. She’d had to accept the possibility she was pregnant.
“Are you sure you don’t want anything?” the woman asked.
“Ja.” The Deitsch word slipped out as it hadn’t in months. She was exhausted. That had to be the reason. It couldn’t have anything to do with the brooding man beside her.
Such a description of Micah astonished her. Micah usually had been the one getting everyone to laugh. He and his brothers always teased each other, and if they could draw others into their sport, all the better. Yet, he stood like a disapproving Old Testament patriarch, not a hint of humor on his face.
The red-haired man asked, “What’s up, Micah?”
“Katie Kay needs a place to stay tonight. Can she stay here with you?”
Questions flickered across both Englischers’ faces, but she was relieved when, after a glance was exchanged, Gemma said, “Certainly. There’s an extra bed in Olivia’s room.” She smiled at Katie Kay. “Olivia is our four-year-old daughter. I don’t think she’d mind sharing her room as long as you’re okay with sleeping with a chatterbox. She talks all day, as well as half the night in her sleep.”
“That will be fine.” What else could she say? She’d rather sleep in the rain? No, she was glad for the chance to be under a roof and warm. It hadn’t been warm the past week in the apartment she shared with Austin and his friends. There hadn’t been money to pay for heat, so they’d used what blankets they had and hoped the winter wouldn’t be bad. “Is Olivia your only child?”
She ignored the look Micah fired at her when she didn’t use the common Deitsch word for child. Why would she say kind? The Donnellys weren’t Amish, and she had no idea how much of the language they understood. Probably some, because they were Micah’s friends.
“No,” Gemma replied with another warm smile. “We have two sons. DJ, which is short for Sean Donnelly Junior, is going to turn six in January, and Jayden is almost two.” She laced her hands together over her distended belly. “And this is son number three. Dylan. He’ll be here in a couple of months. His due date is Christmas, but he’ll come when he wants. As they all do.” She laughed, but a hint of fatigue slipped in. “Sean, why don’t you help Micah get her bags?”
“I don’t have any,” she said.
“Oh.” Gemma regained her composure. “Well, then we won’t have to worry about Sean clomping up the stairs and waking the kids. Come in and sit down. We just finished watching the news.”
As they walked into a comfortable living room with bright green-and-white wallpaper on one wall and a fireplace on another, Micah glanced at Katie Kay, this time with an expectant expression. What did he want? Ach, he wanted her to thank his friends, and he believed she’d left her manners behind in Lancaster. As she started to express her gratitude to Gemma, feeling the familiar ripples of rebellion rising at his silent chiding, her hostess waved aside her words.
“We’re more than happy to help any friend of Micah’s,” the woman said but glanced at him with an unsteady smile.
No doubt, Gemma wondered what Micah, so Amish with his broadfall pants and straw hat, was doing with a woman who wasn’t wearing plain clothes and who had no luggage other than a drenched purse.
“We appreciate that,” Micah said, saving her from having to explain. “When I come in the morning, we’ll figure out what she’ll do next. Okay, Katie Kay?”
Regarding her without a speck of emotion, he held her gaze. She might as well have been a plank of wood or a shingle. A shiver ran along her as she wondered if he despised her as much as he acted. Tears clogged her throat. She was more alone than she’d ever been.
She looked away first. She didn’t want him to see her eyes fill. She wasn’t going to cry as she had out on the road. Somehow she had to be strong. If not for herself, then for the boppli she might be carrying.
Though Katie Kay hadn’t replied to Micah’s question, everyone acted as if she had. Micah took his leave, and Gemma showed her to her daughter’s room. Her hostess explained that Micah and her husband owned a company together, so Micah came over every morning to catch a ride with Sean to work.
Trying to act as if she’d been in a house like this many times before, she knew the Englisch habits she’d tried to adopt still looked unnatural on her because Gemma asked if she was familiar with how to switch on electric lights in the nearby bathroom. Austin had teased her about being too “dumb-dumb Dutch”—his derogatory term for plain people—each time she made a mistake. She had tried to appear sophisticated and Englisch in the hope he’d notice her.
He had one night, the one she didn’t recall much about. The result of it was the reason he’d thrown her out of his car and his life.
Why didn’t she remember more of what had happened a couple of months ago? She’d been drinking, as she often did with the roommates, but she usually was careful, never having more than one drink because even that could make her head swim. The others would have can after can of beer until they passed out. She hadn’t. Having finally gained a little control over her life, she didn’t want to chance losing it again.
But one night she hadn’t been cautious because she wanted to forget the bad day she’d had at work waiting tables at a diner. Nothing she’d done had been right, and when she got back to the apartment, she’d given into Austin’s urging to keep drinking. Now she was paying the price for believing he wanted to comfort her. She couldn’t blame him for her stupidity, but she did for his callous expulsion of her from his life.
Taking the nightgown Gemma loaned her as well as a toothbrush, she skipped the hot shower she wanted desperately. The Donnellys were ready to call it a day, and she didn’t want to keep them up. She thanked Gemma, slipped into the little girl’s room and got ready for bed.
It was far softer than any bed she’d slept on since leaving her own comfortable bed at home. Instead of a handmade quilt, the blanket and freshly laundered sheets were covered by an afghan. Its extra warmth would be welcome.
From the other bed, Olivia mumbled something. Katie Kay moved to check the kind and bumped into the table between the beds. Something fell off it and bounced on the floor. She realized it was an inhaler. She looked from it to the kind. Olivia must have asthma.
She put the device on the table and moved to Olivia’s bed. In the faint light from a night-light shaped like a princess, the little girl’s curly hair looked dark, but Katie Kay guessed it was as red as her daed’s. Her cheeks were as full as a well-fed squirrel’s, and she clutched a well-worn, well-loved stuffed kitten to her pajamas that were decorated with more princesses.
Another flurry of tears threatened to fall as Katie Kay smoothed the covers over the sleeping kind. Olivia didn’t resemble Sarann, but Katie Kay remembered tucking in her youngest sister before getting into her own bed. Sarann hadn’t lived to be any older than this little girl; yet that had been far longer than any kind with her birth defects should have lived. Every day of her life, she’d had a smile in spite of the pain she must have suffered.
If Katie Kay had been half as courageous, maybe she wouldn’t have taken the easy way out and left Paradise Springs. Daed had been patient and loving with Sarann, seeing her as a special gift from God. No different from any of his kinder, as he’d said on many occasions.
Why was she remembering that now? She’d let her anger at him banish the memory. Well, it was too late to change anything, and she couldn’t return home. Not when she was unsure if she was pregnant. Not when she hadn’t made up her mind about being baptized and becoming a member of the Amish community. Not when she was confused about so many things.
Including Micah Stoltzfus. She’d changed a lot in the past four months, but she hadn’t expected him to be different, as well. How many times had she joked that nothing ever changed among the plain people?
Something else to add to the long list of things she’d been wrong about.
Going to the other bed, Katie Kay slipped under the covers. Her hair was damp and fell against her face as she turned her head on the pillow to stare out the window at the rain.
In the morning, Micah would be back. She needed to make a plan for what she was going to do.
She wished she knew what that might be.
* * *
Guarding every word he spoke the next morning was almost more than Micah could handle. He sat at the breakfast table with his married brother, Ezra, and Ezra’s wife, Leah, and her young niece, as well as Mamm and his other unmarried brothers. His twin, Daniel, and their older brother Isaiah both were getting married later in the fall. Daniel had built a house beyond the barn where his fiancée already lived, and Isaiah spent most of his time down the road with his late friend’s family that had become his own.
Nobody had spoken of anything connected to Katie Kay. Even so, he couldn’t think of anything other than the blonde who’d returned to Paradise Springs after living somewhere with the Englisch for almost four months.
Only four months? From the lines dug into Reuben’s face by his unrelenting worry, the bishop looked, when Micah had last seen him on Sunday, as if Katie Kay had left years ago. But it’d been June when she left, and now it was October.
He shouldn’t have told Katie Kay he’d say nothing to anyone about her return. That was wrong, and he intended to tell her so as soon as he saw her at the Donnellys’ house this morning. But what if she reneged on her side of the bargain, too, and left without ever seeing Reuben? How could Micah face his bishop knowing he could have taken Katie Kay—willing or not—to her daed last night?
He’d get to the Donnellys’ house early. Sean wasn’t a morning person, something Micah had learned since the two of them had become partners about three months ago. Daniel, Micah’s twin, had invited him to join Stoltzfus Brothers Construction, the company Daniel had started earlier in the year. However, for a couple of years, Micah and Sean had been talking about working together every time they were at the same construction site. They’d pooled their savings and started Plain and Simple Solutions, an alternative energy company.
“You’re plain, and I’m simple,” Sean had said with a laugh when he suggested the name.
“I’ve noticed that,” he’d replied with a chuckle of his own. Sean was anything but simple. He was a brilliant carpenter and a great salesman, finding client after client, so they never were idle. However, the name was perfect for what they did. Simple, green solutions to help Englischers cut their power bills and to enable plain households to get electricity that didn’t come from the grid.
One after another, his brothers prayed silently before they rose from the table and went to their various jobs. Leah and her niece disappeared down cellar, probably to get canned vegetables and meat for the evening meal.
Micah barely noticed them leaving as he wondered if Katie Kay would keep her side of the bargain, even if he’d kept his. He wished he could trust her, but he couldn’t.
For the past year, his brothers had teased him for not asking if he could take her home. They believed he was too shy to talk to her. None of them had any idea of the truth. He’d asked her, driven her home several times and then she’d told him to go bother some other girl and waved him away as if he were as annoying as a gnat.
He had collected the pieces of his broken heart and prayed God would help her see she’d made a mistake. If God had, she hadn’t listened to Him. Last weekend, he’d taken Isaiah’s late wife’s sister Tillie Mast, home from a youth event...to get his brothers off his back. She was sweet and well-known as a great cook. He’d learned, however, contrary to the old adage, that the way to his heart was not through his stomach. He doubted he was giving her a chance, but he’d promised himself he wouldn’t make a fool of himself over a woman again.
“Micah?”
He looked up from his scrambled eggs and fried potatoes when Mamm said his name in a tone that suggested she’d already repeated it more than once. “Ja?”
“Is there someone special you’d like to sit with at the wedding supper?”
The old tradition of pairing off the singles for the evening meal to give them a chance to get to know each other better was one he wished Mamm and Reuben would skip. Forcing a smile, he said, “No one in particular.”
“Not Tillie Mast?”
“You’d do her a big favor by matching her with someone else.” He wasn’t surprised his mamm knew about him taking Tillie home. Eager eyes at the end of an evening noted who left with whom. Because he and Katie Kay had been careful, at her insistence, nobody had noticed them together.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Micah.” She patted his cheek. “You’re a gut boy, and you deserve someone special in your life.”
“I trust God will send her along eventually.”
Mamm picked up her empty cup and carried it to the stove to refill it with kaffi. Holding the cup to let the fragrant steam rise into her face, she said, “Reuben had hoped you and Katie Kay might sit together.”
“What?” He sat straighter and berated himself for not leaving at the same time as his brothers had.
“I hear how Daniel teases you, and I’ve learned there’s a nugget of truth in the jests you two throw at each other.” She took a sip and lowered her cup. “Ach, it’s impossible anyhow, but I keep hoping that girl will come to her senses and return home. It would mean the world to Reuben.”
“I know.” Guilt stabbed him. As soon as he reached Sean’s house, he was going to get Katie Kay and drive her home, whether she agreed or not. He didn’t want to be caught in the middle of this mess any longer.
“Do you know where she might be, Micah?” His mamm went on as he tried not to choke out the truth. “Listen to me. Why would you know where she is? Though the two of you were gut friends when you were younger, things changed.” Sorrow dimmed her eyes. “If you know someone who might know where she is, pass the word along that she is missed.”
“I will.” He intended to tell Katie Kay himself. Bowing his head and saying words of gratitude for the meal while he hoped the Lord would forgive him for his haste, he got up, gave his mamm a hug and hurried out before she could say more.
By the time he had Rascal hitched to his buggy and was on his way to the Donnellys’ house, the sun was turning the eastern sky from black to layers of gray clouds. He practiced over and over what he’d say to Katie Kay. Last night, asking her to be sensible hadn’t worked. In fact, he’d probably insulted her by suggesting she wasn’t acting rationally.
“She isn’t,” he mumbled to himself as he turned onto the road leading toward Ronks. “Why would she return if she didn’t intend to mend the fences she’s jumped over?”
He was missing something important, but what?
The Donnellys’ house was dark except for a light in the kitchen. Micah parked his buggy behind the lime-green antique Volkswagen van that Gemma drove. He stepped out and around the more modern van Sean had painted with their company’s name and phone number, which Gemma answered in the house. Having her help had been a big step toward getting the company going, but Micah wondered if they should hire an answering service. Gemma would be overwhelmed with three young kinder, a boppli and handling the calls. He’d have to talk to Sean about it. His friend was hesitant to make changes that didn’t have an impact on Micah, too. For once, Sean needed to be a bit selfish and think of himself and his family.
Especially after Micah had selfishly left his problem with Sean and Gemma last night. While Gemma had settled Katie Kay, Micah had given his partner an overview of the situation and realized how little he knew about what had brought Katie Kay to Paradise Springs. He planned to get answers today.
“Come in, Micah,” said Gemma, meeting him at the door.
She didn’t usually do that, so he asked, “Is everything okay? Has Katie Kay been—?”
“Sit down, Micah.”
“What’s wrong?” He couldn’t miss the underlying tension in her voice. He’d been about to ask what Katie Kay had done to upset the household, but he restrained himself. Bringing her to the Donnellys’ house had been wrong. He’d transferred his problem to his best friends.
“You should sit down, Micah.”
“Just tell me.” How much trouble had Katie Kay caused?
Gemma took a deep breath and then let it out with a sigh. “I think your friend is pregnant.”
“Pregnant?” He groped for a chair and sat as he stared at her. “That can’t be true!”
“Because her father is a bishop?” She shook her head with a grimace. “Don’t fool yourself, Micah. Her running away was already aimed at hurting him and tossing aside everything she’d been taught. Getting involved with some man wasn’t much of a step further.”
He couldn’t help thinking of Katie Kay saying someone had taken her money along with her cell phone. Was it the man who was the daed of her boppli? He felt his temper rise but pushed it down. Getting angry wouldn’t solve anything. In fact, it might make things worse.
“Where is she?” he asked, relieved his voice sounded close to normal.
“Throwing up.” She looked behind her as Sean came into the kitchen.
For once, his friend wasn’t complaining about the early hour and how work should begin at noon. Instead, he looked from his wife to Micah and sighed. “I guess it’s obvious why she didn’t want to go home. What do you want to do?”
“I want you two to go to work,” Gemma said before he could answer. “I’ve got an unused pregnancy test kit. I’ll take care of her today. You take time to think about what you want to say, Micah.” She gave him a sad smile. “I know you two used to date.”
“I took her home a few times.”
“Which is dating among the Amish.” She wagged a finger at him as if he were as young as her kinder. “Don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes.”
“You sound like Mamm.”
“And you sound like you’re trying to change the subject.” Her gut humor fell away as she added, “Katie Kay needs to confirm if she’s pregnant or not before she has to face anyone, including you.” She sighed. “Maybe especially you. I can see she respects you a great deal.”
He snorted his disagreement.
Gemma frowned. “Stop acting like a sulking teenager and listen to me. She’s a young woman in a bad situation. She doesn’t have anyone she can turn to.”
“The boppli’s daed can—”
“I don’t think he’s in the picture any longer. She hasn’t said, though she opened up to me a bit more this morning. Or maybe she slipped up and spoke without thinking. She mentioned something about him chucking her out of his car last night like litter.”
The curses the other construction workers used raced through Micah’s head. He pushed them away and sent an apology to God, but the gut Lord surely understood.
How could a man get a woman with kind and then abandon her in an icy rain?
Gemma put comforting fingers on his arm, but it wasn’t any solace when he recalled how Katie Kay’s same motion had sent ripples of sensation coursing through him. Why did he have feelings for her? He didn’t want to get enmeshed in her charms again. His heart didn’t need to be broken once more.
“I know what you’re thinking, Micah,” she said, “because I feel the same way. Any good Christian would. However, we must deal with what is, not what we would like it to be.”
The sound of kinder came from upstairs. Gemma motioned for him and Sean to go and kissed her husband before hurrying to collect the youngsters.
Sean opened the door so Micah could lead the way out. When his friend didn’t ask any questions, Micah was grateful. Everything was changing. Gemma was right. He needed to take time to think because he was less sure now about what he should do than he had been the night before.
Chapter Three (#u135a0d1f-fcee-5c34-82a2-c6423cd3dccf)
Concentrating on work wasn’t easy, and more than once during the day, Micah was glad he wore the safety rope that kept him from tumbling off the roof. He wasn’t watching where he was stepping. He was also grateful he and Sean and the two men they’d hired to assist them were preparing the support framework to hold the panels being installed on the newly constructed house. With his mind elsewhere, he didn’t want to be responsible for carrying the expensive twenty-five-pound panels up the ladder and setting them in place.
The end of the workday arrived, and Micah came to the realization his plans hadn’t changed from that morning. He needed to talk to Katie Kay and insist she decide. She had to make up her mind and go home or go away.
But if she chose the latter, how would he ever explain to Reuben that he’d abetted Katie Kay? He prayed God would give him the words. She’d been too distraught last night to make a gut decision. But now she’d had a day to think about her future.
Micah stowed his tools in the rear of the van and got in on the passenger side. Sean was already behind the wheel. Reaching for the key, he started the engine as Micah hooked his seat belt in place.
Neither of them spoke as they left the subdivision that soon would consist of nearly twenty new houses. Each would have solar panels, so he and Sean had several weeks of work ahead of them.
“How are you doing?” Sean asked, breaking the silence.
“If I knew, I’d tell you.”
His friend gave him a sympathetic grin. “You’ll feel better after you get this conversation with Katie Kay over with.”
“I hope so.” He didn’t mean to give terse answers, but he wasn’t sure what else to say.
Sean glanced at him and then back at the road. “I think it’d be a good idea if I get Gemma and the kids out of the way so you can talk to Katie Kay without us.”
“Sean—”
“I promised them I’d take them out to a restaurant across from the Rockvale Outlets. It might as well be tonight.”
“You’re a gut friend.”
“And you’re a good partner. If you fall and break your neck because you aren’t paying attention to the job, I’ll have to find and train another.” He looked away from the road again and gave Micah a brash grin. “I know how long that takes because, after all this time, I’ve barely got you trained.”
Micah appreciated his friend’s attempt to tease him out of his somber mood, so, though he didn’t feel the least bit like laughing, he did. “I think you’ve got it backward. I have been training you. You didn’t know which end of the panel went where when I first met you.”
“Yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that if it gives you comfort.”
He listened as Sean continued jesting and tried to laugh at the appropriate times. The truth was, however, that nothing could make him feel better about talking with Katie Kay. No matter what the results of the pregnancy test had been, there still was the issue of her refusal to see her family.
When Sean pulled the van into the driveway, Micah tried to breathe slowly. This wasn’t going to be easy, but he had to convince Katie Kay to do what she should and go home. If she was pregnant, she needed her family more than ever.
Micah gave his friend a brief smile when Sean clapped him on the shoulder as they walked to the front door. As always, Micah let Sean open the door. As always, a whirl of kinder, looking more like a dozen than three, surrounded Sean. Their young voices told him about their day at the same time, each trying to talk over the other. No matter how many times Gemma or Sean urged them to take turns, they were too excited to have their daed home at day’s end.
Standing aside to let the loving assault run its course, Micah couldn’t help envying his partner. Having a house filled with cute kinder and a loving wife who somehow found a way to stand on tiptoe and kiss him over the heads of the excited youngsters would be a true blessing. After seeing his siblings marry and begin to raise families, he’d known it was something he wanted for himself.
As if he’d spoken out loud, the kinder threw their arms around him next, spewing out more of the stories they’d started telling their daed. To them, he was Uncle Micah, though two-year-old Jayden could manage only Mike. He hugged each one in turn, not wanting his anxiety to ruin their happiness.
The kids cheered when Sean announced they were eating out. Gemma smiled, too, but hers was as taut as Micah’s felt. When she glanced at him, she didn’t say anything. It wasn’t necessary. He could tell from her strained expression that the pregnancy test had been positive.
He helped get the kinder into their coats and hats. When he offered to help put them in their seats in the car, Sean shook his head.
“We’ll take care of them. You take care of her.” He gripped Micah’s arm and then herded his wife and kinder out the door.
Micah closed it. Once he heard the car back out of the drive, he went into the living room. Where was Katie Kay?
As if in answer, he heard dishes rattling in the kitchen. He went in.
Katie Kay wore the same jeans, but they’d been washed. Her battered T-shirt had been replaced by a black sweater. It brought out the gold in her hair, which she pulled back with clips that must have belonged to Olivia. One was topped by a red dog and the other a blue cat that was the exact same shade as Katie Kay’s eyes. She had only socks on, and he wondered if her shoes had been ruined in the rain.
“Oh, it’s you,” she said as she closed the cupboard door.
“Hello to you, too.” He put his straw hat on the island and undid his stained work coat. “Sean is taking the family out for supper. A treat for the kinder.”
“Gemma said he might.” Her voice was as unemotional as his. “She told me there are leftovers in the fridge and to help myself. Do you want something before you go?”
“I want to talk to you.”
Her eyes narrowed with suspicion. He’d known he couldn’t fool her with casual conversation. “What about?”
“You.”
“I don’t want to hear how disappointed you are in me or how you believe I should go to my family’s house.” She reached into the refrigerator and pulled out a plastic container with a bright green top. “You’ve made yourself clear on that.”
“Gut, then we can talk about something else. Do you want to talk about you being pregnant?”
Color washed from her face, and the container fell out of her fingers to bounce on the kitchen floor. She grabbed the edge of the counter as he picked up the plastic box and set it beside his hat. Red sauce was leaking out. He pulled a section of paper towel off the roll by the sink and stuck it under the container. He wanted to give her a chance to find her voice, so it wouldn’t feel like he was interrogating her.
“You know about that?” she asked.
“This morning, Gemma told me what she suspected. She’s worried about you.”
“About you, you mean.” She crossed her arms in front of herself in a protective pose.
“You know Sean and Gemma are my friends. Of course they’re concerned about me, but she’s worried about you, too. She’s that way.”
Katie Kay’s shoulders lost their rigid stance. “You’re right. She cares a lot, though I’m a stranger.”
“You’re someone who needs help. That’s all she and Sean have to know. They’re usually among the first to help anyone in the community, whether the person is plain or Englisch.” He gave her a wry half smile. “She told me this morning because she wanted me to help you, too.”
“This morning, I didn’t know for sure.” As fast as her face had bleached, it reddened.
“But you used the pregnancy test and found out you are.”
“Do you know all my secrets?” she cried, flinging her hands in the air and storming past him. “I thought I could trust Gemma to keep her mouth zipped.”
For a moment, she acted as if she intended to stamp out of the kitchen, and he was prepared to give chase because they couldn’t postpone this conversation, especially since a boppli had been added to the mix. When she turned and faced him, he hid his surprise. In the past, Katie Kay had run away from whatever bothered her. Tonight, she held her ground. Another sign she’d changed.
But for the better or the worse?
“Gemma didn’t say anything,” he assured her. “I could tell by how worried she looked.” He looked her steadily in the eyes. “I am concerned, too.”
“I don’t need you worrying about me. I got myself into this situation. I’ll deal with it myself.”
“How?” he fired back, his frustration escaping.
She froze at his sharp question, and, for one moment, it was as if she were a balloon and his words a pin cutting into her. She deflated, and he crossed the room and took her arm before her knees folded beneath her. By the time she tried to pull it away, he’d sat her at the table.
He leaned one hand beside her and caught her gaze again. He was awed by the intensity of the pain and fear in her eyes, but he saw her resolve, too. As he watched, a quiet strength submerged the despair.
“How?” he asked. “How are you going to deal with this by yourself, Katie Kay?”
* * *
That was the question, Katie Kay admitted. Trust Micah to get to the heart of the matter. Her daed admired his frankness, which Micah had inherited from his own daed. It was a gut question, and she wished she had an answer. She and Gemma had talked most of the day when they weren’t entertaining the kinder. DJ went to kindergarten in the morning, and the numbness left by the results of the pregnancy test had started to wear off for Katie Kay by the time the youngster got home.
“Your family will want to help you,” Micah said.
Raising her eyes to his deeper blue ones, she could see he believed what he said. Most likely, he was right, but if she went home, everyone would expect her to fit into the constraints of an Amish woman’s life. Gemma Donnelly had shown her Englischers could be as giving and compassionate as a plain person. Katie Kay had started doubting that when she went to live with Austin and his friends after her nearby Englisch friend’s parents made it obvious she’d worn out her welcome. They’d been fine with her visiting, but they had Amish friends they hadn’t wanted to upset by letting her stay longer.
“It’s not that, Micah.”
“Then what is it?”
How could she explain to a man who’d already been baptized and joined the Amish community? Micah always had an eye on the future, making plans for what he hoped to do. Her daed had mentioned it to her, probably in hopes of convincing her to do the same. But taking such an irrevocable step meant turning away from the wider world.
She wasn’t like Micah. She wasn’t focused on what could happen tomorrow. She wanted to savor today and the exciting things it might contain. What if she did get baptized and there were amazing things in the Englisch world she never had a chance to experience? She didn’t want to miss out.
Austin and his friends had a word for it. FOMO. Fear of missing out. It described her feelings, but, when she looked at Micah’s handsome face—and he’d gotten better-looking in the past year—she doubted he’d understand. Somehow, he’d found a way to strike a balance between the plain and Englisch worlds. She was still trying to find her way.
“I have to think of the boppli,” she said, selecting the easiest excuse she could devise. “When I see this family, I know I want that for him or her.”
“The boppli’s daed—”
“Isn’t it pretty obvious he doesn’t want anything to do with either of us?” She hated the bitterness in her voice, but how could she have misjudged Austin so completely?
“I’m sorry, Katie Kay.”
His sympathy almost undid her. She wasn’t going to cry again. Austin wasn’t worth her tears. If she’d seen that right from the beginning, instead of thinking he was much cooler than the guys she’d grown up with because he had a car and an apartment, she wouldn’t be in the situation she was in. She couldn’t change the past, but it was time to stand up for herself.
“Danki.” She gave him the best smile she could manage.
“What can I do to help?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do. Gemma has invited me to stay as long as I need to.”
“I didn’t realize that.” His tone made it clear he wasn’t happy with his business partner’s wife making the offer.
“You didn’t think she’d toss me out, too, did you?”
“No. I know Gemma too well.”
“But you don’t want me to take advantage of your friends, ain’t so?” The Amish phrase fell from her lips as easily as if she’d never been away.
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.” She stood. “Your opinion is splashed all over your face. Micah, I don’t need your help. There’s nothing you can do to help me.”
“I can marry you.”
Katie Kay stared at him in disbelief. He couldn’t have said what she thought he’d said. Not after what she’d done, both in Paradise Springs and after she left. He knew too many of her faults, and if he’d ever cared about her, she’d squashed any hint of love by telling him to get out of her life.
He must have forgiven her, because he was trying to help her. But that, she knew, was the Amish way. Forgive others for their mistakes and move ahead as if the transgression had never happened. She’d never managed to make it work herself, though she’d tried over and over.
When she didn’t reply, Micah folded his arms over his chest and looked at her with a glacial expression she found impossible to decipher. “You should know one thing before you answer, Katie Kay. I didn’t offer to marry you because of feelings I have for you.”
“Y-y-you d-d-didn’t?” she sputtered, shocked.
“No.” He picked up his hat from the counter. “I offered because I admire your daed, and I don’t want to see him and Mamm hurt.”
“What does Wanda have to do with this?” She considered Micah’s mamm a bit of a buttinsky—a word she’d learned from Austin’s friends—and an inveterate matchmaker.
He stared at her, and emotion returned to his face. It was disbelief. “You really don’t know?”
“Know what?”
“Your daed and my mamm are getting married next month.”
Katie Kay sat again, so hard the chair rocked. She tried to wrap her mind around the idea Daed was marrying Wanda Stoltzfus. They’d been gut friends for years. Wanda often sent a snitz pie home with Daed when he went to the Stoltzfus farm for one reason or another. Apparently he’d really had only a single reason for going to visit. He’d been courting Micah’s mamm.
“I can’t believe it,” she whispered.
“They decided after you left. Reuben has been praying you’d return for the ceremony, so all his kinder will be there.”
She looked at her flat abdomen. “I’m not sure he’ll want me there.”
“If you apologize to him and are married—”
“I’m not marrying you, Micah Stoltzfus! Didn’t I make that clear last year?”
“You did.” He put on his straw hat and buttoned his coat. “And don’t worry. I won’t bother you by asking you again. You’ve made yourself clear tonight. Guten owed, Katie Kay.” Without another word, he walked out of the kitchen. Seconds later, she heard the front door open and close.
She didn’t move as the sound of buggy wheels rolling after a horse faded into the night. She’d handled it wrong. She should have thanked Micah for his offer before she turned him down. He’d been candid when he told her that he was asking her to protect their parents from pain.
Maybe you should have considered his offer. He might not have feelings for you, but you have plenty for him.
“Shut up!” She jumped to her feet and ran into the living room. Turning on the television, she kept pushing the volume button on the remote until the sound of voices and laughter were so loud her ears hurt. But it was useless. Nothing drowned out the truth. She may have lost her best ally as she faced the future alone.
Chapter Four (#u135a0d1f-fcee-5c34-82a2-c6423cd3dccf)
Slowly Katie Kay sank to sit on the Donnellys’ front-porch step. She’d come outside after the family had returned home. She didn’t want to ruin their excitement after their fun evening out, and she was too distressed to try to pretend she was all right.
The chilly evening wind was overwhelmed by the cold sinking deep within her as Micah’s words replayed through her mind. Daed was getting remarried? Why hadn’t someone told her? She wasn’t under the bann. She hadn’t been baptized yet, something she’d avoided discussing each time her daed had brought up the subject, so leaving wasn’t a reason to shun her. Why hadn’t one of her sisters let her know about this astonishing event?
Maybe because she hadn’t written to any of them after she left Paradise Springs and moved to Lancaster. They wouldn’t have known how to reach her.
She hid her face in her hands. While she’d been gone, it’d been easy to convince herself nothing would change here. Wasn’t that one of the reasons she’d gone? Because everything stayed the same day after day while the outside, Englisch world buzzed by at warp speed?
But she was back. If she was in Paradise Springs when the wedding was held, should she attend? Her hand slipped over her abdomen. It was flat. With the right dress, she shouldn’t have to reveal the truth in a month. She could go and see her friends and enjoy a bit of flirting and...
Those days were over. She’d put an end to them when she left Paradise Springs and sought the brighter lights and faster pace of Lancaster City.
And Micah knew the truth. He wouldn’t spread it, but it would be only a matter of time before someone else discovered she hadn’t come home alone.
Again she wanted to ask God why He had arranged for Micah to be the person whose path crossed hers. Was she being punished for being headstrong and curious about the Englischers? Hadn’t Daed taught that their Heavenly Father forgave each of them as He asked them to forgive each other?
The cold air finally drove her inside. She was relieved to discover the family had gone to bed, but loneliness riveted her. Nobody told her their plans, which was a painful reminder that she wasn’t part of this family or any other.
Tears stung her eyes. She kept them from falling as she turned off the light in the living room before creeping up the stairs. Refusing to look in the mirror over the sink, she got ready for bed. She tiptoed into Olivia’s room. The little girl was asleep, her slow, deep breaths loud in the silent room.
Katie Kay crawled into her borrowed bed. The sheets were cool, but the drops running down her cheeks seared her skin. Pressing her face to the pillow, she gave up the battle to hold in her grief.
She was alone. She and the boppli.
God is with you always. How many times had she heard that? But why would God offer her comfort when she’d turned away from the life He’d given her?
Once released, her grief and fear refused to be contained. The cotton beneath her cheek grew damp, then wet, and still her tears fell as she mourned for everything that had gone wrong in her life.
A gentle breath brushed her face in the moment before Olivia whispered, “No sad, Kay-Kay.” Her tiny hand patted Katie Kay’s arm. “No cry, Kay-Kay. Please.”
Katie Kay was startled. She hadn’t heard the little girl get up. Olivia must have been woken by her sobs. Another mistake to add to her long list.
Rolling over to face the kind, Katie Kay whispered, “Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?”
“You sad. Wanna hug? A hug makes it better.” She held up her short arms.
Suddenly Katie Kay couldn’t imagine anything she wanted more than comfort from one small kind. Olivia’s solace was offered with no strings attached other than her heartstrings, which had been touched by Katie Kay’s weeping.
Katie Kay swung her legs over the side of the bed. Picking up the little girl, she set Olivia beside her. Holding out her own arms, she gathered the kind close. The aroma of Olivia’s flowery shampoo swirled through her senses as she welcomed the hug.
“Danki,” she murmured into the kind’s silken red hair.
“That means ‘thank you,’ doesn’t it?” Olivia stared at her. “You talk like Uncle Micah.”
“I do...sometimes.”
“Will you teach me to talk like you?”
“If your mamm—your mother—says it’s okay.” She brushed her tears aside as a smile edged along her lips. Spending time with the inquisitive little girl would help her to stop thinking about her troubles...she hoped.
“Mamm. Mommy. Mamm. Mom.” Olivia giggled and then clamped her pudgy hands over her mouth. Whispering again, she said, “Sounds the same.”
“The words do, don’t they?” She lifted the kind off the bed. “You should get back to bed.”
“Mommy sleeps with me when I’ve gots a bad dream. I stay with you.”
Katie Kay bit her lip to keep it from trembling as a new storm of tears filled her eyes. She watched Olivia run to her own bed and collect her pillow. The little girl put it next to Katie Kay’s before clambering to sit beside her.
Lying down, Katie Kay blinked hard when the little girl embraced her again. She closed her eyes as she leaned her head on the kind’s soft hair. She wasn’t sure which of them fell asleep first.
* * *
The hope that things would be better after a gut night’s sleep had been as unreasonable as Katie Kay’s expectation that Austin would do the right thing and apologize. Though Olivia’s kindness had allowed her to find sleep, reality reared its ugly head again the next morning.
Nothing had changed.
Katie Kay woke with a groan. She heard sounds of the household getting ready for another day. Olivia had returned to her bed sometime during the night, but she was already out of the room. Alone, Katie Kay was tempted to pull the pillow over her head and stay in bed until everyone else left.
Facing Gemma and Sean after last night was impossible. Their acceptance seemed to make the whole situation worse. Everyone was being kind to her. Even Micah, though he’d been blunt about why he’d proposed. But he’d been trying to be nice to her. He hadn’t wanted her to have any illusions about why he was proposing.
She couldn’t stay in bed. Getting up, she dressed in the clothes Gemma had lent to her. They didn’t fit well, and Katie Kay knew—sooner or later—she needed to return to Lancaster and collect her things from Austin’s apartment. She wasn’t sure when he’d be there. He hadn’t worked in the past month. Not like Micah who was successful in his business with Sean Donnelly.
She crossed her arms in front of her as she stared at Olivia’s empty bed. She didn’t want to think about Micah. It was easier to be angry at him than to wonder what she’d do now that she hadn’t accepted his proposal. There had to be someone who’d help.
Because you’re cute and a flirt, but you’ll soon be fat and nobody will want to flirt with you.
She hated her conscience, but she wouldn’t be forced into a loveless marriage. Maybe, before she had told Micah that she didn’t want to spend time with him anymore, it might have been possible for her to accept his offer.
Not now.
Not after the cruel and taunting words she’d fired at him.
“Good morning, Katie Kay,” called Gemma from the bedroom doorway. She held a bundle of dirty laundry in front of her. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“Fine,” she replied, but her stomach roiled as she stood, countermanding her words. Putting her hand over her mouth, she ran to the bathroom.
It was almost ten by the time Katie Kay got downstairs. She glanced toward the kitchen, but the idea of breakfast was nauseating. She’d wait for lunch, and maybe her stomach would have settled by then.
Gemma smiled when Katie Kay came into the living room. “Just in time. You can join us.”
“Us?” She glanced around the room, which was empty except for her and her hostess.
“My young mothers’ prayer group.” Gemma hurried on, warning Katie Kay that her pulse of dismay had been visible on her face. “It’s okay. There aren’t any plain women among my prayer group friends. I doubt any of them know folks from your district.”
“I don’t want to intrude.”
“You won’t.” She smiled. “And lurking around in the kitchen will rouse their curiosity. Why don’t you join us?”
Katie Kay was tempted to be honest and state she was uncomfortable joining an Englisch prayer group. She bit her lip. Until she made up her mind where she intended to live and how, she shouldn’t close any doors or alienate anyone, especially the Donnellys, who’d welcomed her as if they’d been friends for years.
She helped Gemma put out plates of cookies and make coffee and tea for the members of the prayer circle. She watched Olivia, hoping the little girl hadn’t said anything to her mamm about Katie Kay’s tears last night. Olivia seemed focused on playing with her little brother, Jayden, as they built buildings out of wooden logs and filled them with plastic horses in the most outrageous pastel shades. They giggled and jumped around as if they were riding the horses.
Gemma paused in her preparations when Olivia dropped her plastic pony and began to cough. Pulling an inhaler out of the pocket of the shirt that was taut across her belly, she inserted it into a tube. She held the tube to Olivia’s mouth and told her daughter to breathe deeply. Pressing the inhaler, she calmed the little girl as the medicine hissed into the tube and was drawn into Olivia’s mouth and lungs. They repeated the procedure a second time before Gemma led her kind into the kitchen and had her wash her mouth out with clean water.
“She has asthma,” Gemma said when she caught Katie Kay watching. “When she plays too hard, sometimes she has an attack. Thank the good Lord, her inhaler takes care of it as long as we get to her fast.”
“Do you always carry an inhaler?”
She smiled. “Always, and Sean keeps one in the truck.” She continued chatting as she finished getting everything ready for her guests.
Katie Kay wanted to tell Gemma she understood what it was like having a special needs kind in the house, but such a discussion would have to wait.
The other five women began arriving just before eleven, and each of them seemed to accept Gemma’s explanation that Katie Kay was a guest from out of town. The women ranged in age from younger than Katie Kay to their midthirties.
Sitting in the living room, she listened as they spoke about the challenges they faced as mothers. Would she be confronted with the same problems? Not the ones where the women were concerned about their husbands, who were struggling, too, to understand the changes a boppli could bring to their lives. When the women bowed their heads to pray, so did Katie Kay, but her heart remained closed. She wasn’t sure what would happen if she opened it to God. Would He turn His back on her as Austin had? And as Micah had when she turned down the proposal he’d made out of obligation?
She was surprised that Micah’s actions bothered her more than Austin’s. It had to be a sign she was too distraught to think clearly.
Katie Kay breathed a sigh of relief when the women turned to the refreshments and conversation. She had the excuse to bring coffee and tea to serve to Gemma’s guests. They thanked her and tried to make her feel welcome, but she sensed the questions they didn’t utter. She kept up an easy patter to defuse their curiosity.
When everyone was served, she took her chair again and selected a chocolate chip cookie from the plate on the coffee table. Suddenly she was starving. A gut sign because her hunger should mean the day’s nausea was over.
Gemma’s youngest, Jayden, toddled to his mamm and climbed onto her lap. Gemma continued her story without a pause but drew the little boy close to her. When he seemed to reshape himself so he could lean against her distended stomach, Katie Kay was startled by her surprising sense of longing.
Would the boppli inside her ever reach out to her with such innocent love as Jayden did?
“Mommy gots baby.” Jayden patted her stomach and grinned while everyone chuckled.
Sliding off her lap, he went to the brunette whom Katie Kay thought was named Roberta. He tapped her belly as he had Gemma’s.
“Gots baby?” he asked.
That brought more laughter, because Roberta looked ready to go into labor at any second.
He started to move to the next woman, who held her hands in the air and laughed, “No, Jayden. I don’t ‘gots baby.’ Not yet anyhow.”
“No baby?” His pudgy face dropped as he turned to Katie Kay.
As she tensed, Gemma scooped him up and cradled him as if he were a boppli. “That’s enough, young man.”
Katie Kay hoped nobody heard her soft sigh of relief that Gemma had halted him before he asked if she had a baby. Too many people already knew. She trusted the Donnellys and Micah to keep her secret, but the more people who discovered she was pregnant, the greater the likelihood that they’d slip and word of her condition would reach her family.
They couldn’t know until she told them.
Whenever that might be.

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