His Texas Baby
His Texas Baby
Stella Bagwell
“The baby’s a Donovan – and so will you be. As soon as you become my wife.“Horse trainer Kitty Cartwright didn’t expect a romantic proposal…especially from the New Mexico rancher who was her business rival. She didn’t expect a proposal at all! But Kitty was having Liam Donovan’s baby. And now the daddy-to-be was insisting they make it legal. No child of Liam’s was going to be born without him around.The surprise was how quickly Kitty said “I do” – for the sake of the baby, of course. But with passion reigniting, this marriage of convenience was starting to feel an awful lot like the real thing. Was Liam ready to risk his heart? Because Kitty wasn’t settling for anything less.
Her breasts rose and fell as she heaved out a heavy breath. “I’ve made a decision regarding your marriage proposal.”
His hand on her arm tightened perceptibly. He’d never expected an answer from her tonight. He’d wanted her to weigh the situation and her feelings about it carefully. But apparently she’d made up her mind without too much thought.
Liam tried to mentally brace himself as he studied her grave expression. “Are you sure, Kitty?”
Her eyes never wavered from his. “Yes. I’m sure that I want to be your wife.”
Dear Reader,
As I began to write about the Donovan family, I soon came to the realization that Liam would be the last sibling to find love. It was obvious to me that he was a special man and it would take extra time for the right woman to come along and heal his wounded heart.
Next to love, I believe grief might be the most powerful emotion a human can experience. In some cases it stops a person cold. In others it pushes them to start over and search for a way to fill the emptiness inside them.
In Liam’s case, he’s lost the will to search for a new beginning, but when he finally does, he slowly realizes that life can offer second chances and love is worth risking everything.
For those of you who’ve been reading the Donovan stories, thank you so much. And please don’t think you have to say goodbye to this family. More MEN OF THE WEST stories will be coming, and some of them might even include a long-lost Donovan or two!
God bless each trail you ride with love and happiness,
Stella
About the Author
STELLA BAGWELL has written more than seventy novels for Mills & Boon. She credits her loyal readers and hopes her stories have brightened their lives in some small way.
A cowgirl through and through, she loves to watch old Westerns, and has recently learned how to rope a steer. Her days begin and end helping her husband care for a beloved herd of horses on their little ranch located on the south Texas coast. When she’s not ropin’ and ridin’, you’ll find her at her desk, creating her next tale of love.
The couple have a son, who is a high school math teacher and athletic coach. Stella loves to hear from readers and invites them to contact her at stellabagwell@gmail.com.
His Texas Baby
Stella Bagwell
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
To horses, for the love and inspiration they give us,
and the hopes and dreams we hang upon them.
Chapter One
The woman was pregnant!
Liam Donovan stopped in his tracks and stared down the long shed row. Between him and Kitty Cartwright a hot walker led a sweaty black thoroughbred toward an open doorway, a jockey’s valet carrying a saddle and tack hurried past, while a nearby horse hung his head over a gate and nickered loudly. Shafts of sunlight illuminated dust particles and bits of hay dancing through the air, and behind him a worker sang along to a nearby radio. Yet none of those things distracted Liam’s focus away from Kitty. Even at a distance, the silhouette of her rounded tummy was very evident and the sight stunned him.
When had this happened? Like a tornado sweeping over the plains, the question roared through his head. Three months ago, when he’d attended her father’s funeral in El Paso, she’d appeared as slim as ever. And though they’d only exchanged a few words as he’d offered his condolences, she’d said nothing to even hint at her condition.
But then why would she? The fact that Kitty was having a baby was none of his business. Or was it? He’d only been in her bed that one time. And that had been at least five or six months ago. The bump of her belly didn’t look that far along, did it? Besides, if he was the father she would’ve surely contacted him before now.
As Kitty stood near a stall door, talking with a young man he knew to be an assistant trainer for Desert End, Liam continued to stare. Since he’d only landed in Los Angeles yesterday, Liam hadn’t yet learned whether Kitty or the Cartwrights’ entourage of horses would be stabled at Hollywood Park Racetrack for the spring/summer meet. He’d heard talk through the racing grapevine that she would be coming, filling the position of head trainer for Desert End Stables; a position that had been held by her father, the late, great Willard Cartwright for forty years. But Liam had tried to ignore the information and tell himself that it didn’t matter if or when he might be seeing Kitty again. Now the rapid beat of his heart proved just how much he’d been lying to himself.
Inside the pockets of his jean jacket, his hands curled into loose fists as his gaze took in the lovely tanned oval of her face, the long blond hair spilling down her black sweater, the faded denim hugging her hips and thighs. When he’d first met her seven years ago, she’d been an awkward teenager with a fanatic love for horses. But sometime between then and now, she’d turned into a woman. And now she was carrying a baby. But whose? Could it possibly be his? The question whammed him between the eyes like a sledgehammer driving a steel spike, leaving him feeling dazed and queasy.
“Liam, I’m feeling uneasy about this ankle. I’d like for you to take a look.”
The request came from Clint, one of the Diamond D grooms who’d accompanied the Donovan horses to California. Even though the young man was at least ten years younger than Liam’s thirty-five, he’d been working for the Donovans since he was twelve years old and since then he’d grown into a competent horseman that Liam could trust implicitly. If he was concerned about a horse’s condition, then Liam was concerned, too.
Forcing his eyes away from Kitty, Liam opened the half gate and stepped inside the cinderblock stall, where Clint was standing next to a big red thoroughbred named Reckless Rendezvous.
Normally, nothing distracted Liam from his job. But seeing Kitty again—and pregnant at that—was wrecking his ability to focus. As he knelt next to the right front foot of the horse, Liam tried to clear his mind while he carefully ran his hands over the ankle, fetlock and up the cannon bone. “Nothing feels warm,” Liam announced. “And I don’t feel anything amiss. Have you noticed any change in his gait?”
Clint said, “Yesterday, when we unloaded him from the plane, I thought he was a bit gimpy. But he could have just been stiff from the long ride. Or it could have just been my imagination. But I’d rather be safe than sorry, so I wanted you to have a look.”
Rising to his full height, Liam slapped a comforting hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong. But we’ll get it x-rayed anyway.”
“His workout is scheduled for tomorrow morning at seven,” Clint reminded him.
“I’ll go over to the equine hospital in a few minutes and see about getting the X-ray,” Liam promised. “Right now I want to know if you and Andy have settled in and have everything you need.”
Clint and Andy, the other groom who had accompanied them on this three-and-half-month stay in California, would be living in small quarters located next to the horses’ stalls. The beds were merely adequate and space for more than the bare necessities limited. Liam understood how much the men and his two female hot walkers, who would be housed in another area of the barn, sacrificed in order to do their jobs. That’s why the Diamond D paid them handsomely and Liam made sure they had every possible convenience he could give them.
“Sure, Liam. Don’t worry about any of us. We’re all just excited to be here.”
Down through the years, Liam had made a habit of shipping five or six of his better runners to Hollywood Park Racetrack for the spring/summer racing meet. During the three month period, he would fly in and out as each respective race date grew near, while allowing his assistant to remain in California to handle the daily training chores. But Clete, his longtime and very trusted assistant, had passed away a little more than three years ago and Liam still couldn’t find it in his heart to even attempt to replace him. The loss had forced Liam to take on more of a workload and change the routine of his plans and schedules.
This year he’d decided to bring his best to the West Coast and personally stay for the entire duration of the meet; unless some unforeseen emergency called him back to the Diamond D. Now, after seeing Kitty in this condition, he wondered if he’d made a huge mistake. Not that he’d come here to have some sort of steady relationship with her. No. They were friends, not lovers. They’d only been together that one time because he’d unexpectedly run into Kitty and her father while visiting Lone Star Park Racetrack in north Texas. The three of them had eaten dinner together, but before the meal was over Will had been called away on business. Liam had remained with Kitty and the two of them had lingered over a bottle of wine. Maybe a little too much wine. Eventually, Liam had offered to walk her back to her Dallas hotel room and once they’d gotten there, one thing had led to another.
Later that night, before he’d left her hotel room, she’d explained that she wasn’t ready for any sort of serious relationship with him and that she hoped they could simply go on being friends instead of lovers. Even though Liam hadn’t been looking for anything permanent with the woman, his ego had been a bit stung by her attitude. And the idea that she hadn’t enjoyed their passionate union enough to want a repeat had been enough to jerk his feet back to solid earth. That same night he’d assured her that nothing had really changed and as far as he was concerned they’d remain friends and nothing more.
The next day he’d flown to Remington Park at Oklahoma City to deal with a runner he’d entered in a Derby and then he’d headed home to New Mexico and done his best to push the woman from his mind. Two months passed without seeing or talking with her. And then the news of Willard’s death had stunned the racing world and he’d traveled to El Paso to attend the man’s funeral and offer Kitty his condolences.
Since then, he’d continued to fight with the memory of that night they’d recklessly fallen into each other’s arms. He’d been telling himself to put it all behind him and move on. She had her life and he had his. And his didn’t include having a hot affair with a fellow horse trainer. He wasn’t the affair type. Nor was he the marrying type. And she’d made it clear to him that she wasn’t interested in those things, either.
But the memory of making love to Kitty had somehow been burned into his brain and returned to haunt him at moments when he least expected it. And he’d wondered if she ever thought of him and that night, ever longed for him. But now, seeing her belly filled with child, he could only wonder who’d taken his place in her bed. Had she fallen in love? Was she planning to marry?
How do you know some other man has moved into her life? Do you know for certain that the baby isn’t yours, Liam? You made love to the woman. And, yeah, she told you she was using birth control, but you’re a smart enough guy to know that nothing is one hundred percent effective.
Shutting his ears to the voice going off in his head, Liam dropped his hand from Clint’s shoulder and turned his attention back to Reckless. He didn’t want to consider that there was a reasonable chance the baby might be his. The idea was too terrifying. He repressed the memories and spoke to Clint.
“If everything checks out okay,” he said to the groom, “I want you to have Liv hand walk him in the barn area for about thirty minutes.”
“Right. I’ll make sure,” Clint assured him.
Liam gave him a few more instructions concerning the remaining horses then left the stall in a purposeful stride.
A quick glance to his right revealed that Kitty was still standing in the same area he’d spotted her in a few moments ago. This time she was speaking to a woman who appeared to be a barn worker. Were Kitty’s horses also stalled in barn 59? Hell, any other time he would have been happy to share a training barn with the woman. And he’d promised her that they would remain friends. But seeing her pregnant had done something to him. His feelings were being yanked in all different directions.
He was trying to decide whether to go greet her or beat a hasty retreat to his office, when she happened to glance his way. Recognition instantly hit her face and she stared for a few brief seconds before turning her attention back to the barn worker.
If she’d given him a smile, a tiny wave, signaled him with some sort of acknowledgment, he would have gone on to his office and waited for a quieter moment to say hello to her. But her blatant dismissal caught him by surprise and sent him striding down the shed row until he reached her.
“I’ll get right on it, Miss Cartwright,” the barn worker was saying as Liam walked up to Kitty’s left shoulder. “Just let me know if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Gina. I appreciate you. Please remember that.”
As the tall, huskily built woman turned and hurried away, she nodded a passing greeting to Liam. Once she was out of earshot, Kitty turned and looked up at him.
“Hello, Liam.”
Even though there was a faint smile on her soft lips, he could see shadows in her blue eyes and he wondered if grief over losing her father had put them there or something else. Either way, the faint sadness in her gaze didn’t diminish her beauty. It struck him hard and jerked him right back to that night when their lips had met and he’d driven himself deep inside her.
“Kitty,” he greeted as he tried to stem the erotic memories. “How are you?”
Her smile wavered, but only for a brief moment. “I’m good. Very excited to be back at Hollywood Park. What about yourself?”
She was making an attempt to be cordial, but he couldn’t miss the impersonal tone in her voice. He’d not really known what to expect when they met again, away from the crowd of mourners at her father’s funeral. In all of his imaginings, it hadn’t been like this. Kitty had always been a soft, caring person, a woman who never said a cross word to anything or anyone. With him, she’d always been warm, open and straightforward. He wasn’t feeling that now. She was holding back a part of herself and that troubled him. Even hurt him.
“I got here yesterday with the rest of my crew,” he told her. “We’re just now getting the horses and ourselves settled.”
She nodded stiffly. “I wasn’t aware until this morning that we’d be sharing the same barn. Did you bring many horses this time?”
“Twenty,” he answered. There were eighteen training barns and enough stalls to house nearly two thousand horses on the track, he thought, and somehow he and Kitty had managed to wind up in the same facility. At this moment, Liam couldn’t decide whether that was a stroke of misfortune or a piece of good luck.
She looked away from him and swallowed and he used the opportunity to let his gaze slide down to her belly. The soft mound beneath her sweater somehow made her look more feminine and vulnerable and an odd little pang suddenly struck him in the middle of the chest. He wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms so badly he could very nearly taste it.
“Oh. I only brought half that many,” she said. “With Dad dying, some of our training got put on hold. A few of the three-year-olds that belong to Desert End still need gate schooling. I may have them shipped out here later for the latter half of the meet.”
Desert End Stables, Kitty’s home and training facility, was located just north of El Paso, Texas. Liam had visited the place a few times in years past. It was a beautiful horse farm that sprawled for miles over the West Texas desert. Willard had not only been a highly successful trainer, but also a noted breeder in the business. Even though Willard had a son from a former marriage, Liam had heard that Desert End and all its holdings, which would amount to a vast fortune in itself, had gone to Kitty. He supposed the old man had made that decision because Owen had never had anything to do with the horse business and worked as a Deputy Sheriff for Hudspeth County in Texas. Still, Liam had no doubt that Willard had made sure his son had received a fair share of inheritance in monetary form. From all he knew, father and son had gotten along well.
“I miss the hell out of Will,” Liam said suddenly, his voice gruff with emotion. “I can’t imagine how you must feel.”
She looked back at him and he noticed a glaze of moisture in her blue eyes. Maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned her father, he thought, but Willard had been a huge presence in both of their lives. His memory could never be ignored or forgotten. It simply wasn’t possible.
“Nothing has been easy since we buried Dad,” she admitted, her voice low and strained. “But everyone loses a loved one at some time in their life. This time it just happened to be me.”
Yeah. He knew all too well what she meant about losing a loved one. One minute he’d had a wife and a baby on the way, the next minute they’d been gone, wiped out of his life when the car she’d been driving through heavy fog had careened off a mountain highway. Since the tragic accident, no woman had caught his interest in any way. Until Kitty. Something about her had made him want again, feel again. And now, with her standing only inches away, she was reminding him that he was a red-blooded man, full of needs and desires.
“I’m sorry, Kitty,” he said lowly. “Really sorry.”
Her eyes blinked and then she turned her gaze toward the stall to her left, where a black horse was nipping at a hay bag. The nameplate on the stall door read Mr. Marvel and Liam remembered the colt as being one of Willard’s favorites. No doubt that everywhere Kitty looked, she was surrounded by bittersweet memories of her father.
Even so, she obviously had other things to think about and plan for, Liam concluded. Like the baby in her womb and the man who’d put it there. Could that man possibly be him? No! It couldn’t be. She wouldn’t be standing here like this, ignoring the obvious. She would have already told him months ago. Or would she?
Dragging in a heavy breath, he resisted the urge to give his head a shake. This was crazy, he thought. It felt like there was a fire in the barn and both of them were standing there, ignoring it as though nothing was wrong.
Her voice suddenly interrupted his thoughts as she said, “I’ll survive, Liam. Dad expected the best from me. I can’t break down on him now and ruin everything he worked a lifetime to build.”
“Kitty.” She sounded so crushed and weary that Liam could hardly bear it and before he could think about it, he placed a comforting hand on her forearm. “Is there anything I can do?”
She didn’t answer immediately and Liam supposed his offer didn’t mean much. After all, she had the means to hire the best people in the business to keep her stable working efficiently and her win rate at a high percentage. As for emotional support, he figured she had plenty of friends and distant relatives to share her problems with. She certainly didn’t need Liam. The idea left him feeling strangely flat.
“I don’t know,” she answered finally, then lifted her gaze to his face. “Do you think you could have dinner with me tonight?”
This area of the state was known for its earthquake tremors and for a split second Liam wondered if the ground beneath his feet was tilting. She’d never invited him to join her anywhere, at any time, and he’d always talked himself out of asking her for a date or anything even resembling one. The only reason they’d ever spent time in each other’s company was her father. In fact, Willard had once approached him about dating Kitty. The older man had believed that Liam and his daughter would make a fine pair, considering they both loved the same profession. But Liam had dismissed Will’s suggestion. At that time his wife’s fatal accident had still been fresh in his mind and he’d not been interested in dating anyone. And now—well, he still wasn’t interested. Not with the loss of Felicia continuing to haunt him.
He was trying to gather himself enough to respond, when she said, “If you have other engagements don’t worry about it. We can get together some other time.”
He shook his head as his thoughts raced around her motives and his schedule. “I have to meet someone at seven this evening,” he finally said. “But that won’t take more than fifteen minutes. Will seven-thirty fit your schedule?”
She looked strangely relieved, a reaction that confused Liam even more. If she’d needed to see or talk with him, all she’d needed to do was pick up the phone and let him know. Her wanting to have dinner with him tonight seemed strange and out of the blue. Yet the idea of spending time with her excited him more than he wanted to admit.
“Seven-thirty would be great,” she told him. “You can pick me up at my office. It’s at the opposite end of the barn. I’ve already posted my nameplate, so you shouldn’t have any trouble finding it.”
“All right. I’ll see you then.” Realizing he still had hold of her arm, he forced himself to drop his hand. “Is there anyplace special you’d like to eat? I’ll make reservations.”
“I don’t need special. Just anywhere simple and quiet.”
“Fine. Seven-thirty then.”
A tiny smile lifted the corners of her lips and the sight encouraged him. No matter the situation with this woman’s personal life, he wanted her to be happy. Especially with him.
“Yes,” she agreed. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a temperamental mare waiting for me to put on her blinkers.”
“Sure,” he told her. “I have work waiting, too.”
Kitty didn’t allow herself a second look at the man as he turned and walked away. She didn’t need to. His chiseled features, hazel-green eyes and streaked brown hair were all ingrained in her memory just as much as his tall, solidly built body. He might not be the most handsome guy she’d ever laid eyes on, but he was darn sure the sexiest. And six months ago that latent sexuality had been her undoing.
For days afterward, she’d blamed her reckless behavior on the wine she’d consumed at dinner that night. But deep in her heart she’d known two glasses of wine hadn’t made her fall into bed with Liam Donovan.
She’d first met Liam seven years ago, when she’d been nineteen and just beginning to travel extensively with her father. She’d instantly been smitten with the man, not only with his raw, sexy looks, but also with his training skills. And since that time, little by little, she’d come to learn more about who he was as a man.
Around the track, he had a reputation for being fair and honest, but also hard-driven. Kitty would agree he was all those things and more. He was an extremely private man, who rarely talked about his personal life, which in a way had always made him seem just that much more intriguing to Kitty.
It had been through an offhand comment from her father that she’d learned Liam had lost his wife and unborn child in a car accident a little more than six years ago, but Liam himself had never spoken to her about such things. With her, he’d only discussed training methods, auctions, sires, the pros and cons of different tracks and all the other zillion and one factors that went into racing thoroughbreds. But those discussions had been enough to reveal glimpses of the man and his way of thinking. She admired him, she was wildly attracted to him and she feared she was even in love with him. Fear being the key word. Because from what she could see, Liam Donovan was a demanding perfectionist and never would be an easygoing family man. Along with that, her father had admitted, long before he’d died, that he’d tried to talk Liam into dating Kitty and that Liam had refused. If he didn’t want to date her, it was a cinch there wasn’t a hope in hell that he’d ever fall in love with her.
Oh, God, why didn’t she just go home to Desert End and let Clayton take care of things here? There was plenty of work at the farm to keep her more than occupied. A barn filled with up-and-coming two-year-olds, along with a mix of older horses in training for races later in the summer.
But no, she’d chosen to come here. Because she’d known Liam would be here and she’d wanted to see him and be close to him again. Now she had to find the courage to tell him that he was going to be a father.
Swallowing the ball of emotion lodged in her throat, she turned to her left and entered stall number thirty where Blue Snow, one of her prize mares, was housed.
A slight grimace tightened Clayton’s features as he looked around at her. “Sorry, Kitty. You’d think by now she would let someone else put these things on her. But the more I tried the more worked up she was getting.”
“The last thing I want is for her to get hot and unsettled. So when she acts this way, just let her be and don’t worry about it,” Kitty instructed her assistant. “The time to start worrying is when she won’t let me put them on.”
Kitty took the pair of blinkers from him, but instead of rushing at the mare with the piece of equipment, she simply began to stroke her neck and face and talk to her in gentle, soothing tones.
“Is anything wrong, Kitty?”
Not bothering to look at him, she said, “Blue Snow is a bit high-strung. Especially when you’re dealing with her head. And I don’t have to tell you how important this filly is to me—to Desert End.”
“I know all of that. I’m not talking about Snow. I’m talking about you. You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”
Liam was hardly a ghost. But he’d definitely haunted her thoughts for the past six months, Kitty thought. Ever since she’d gone to bed with him and a baby had been conceived.
“I’m fine, Clayton. I was just hurrying down the shed row and got a little winded, that’s all,” she explained.
The young man, who’d worked as Willard’s main assistant for the past year, cleared his throat. “Well—uh, I noticed you were talking with Liam Donovan. Is he causing you problems?”
Kitty inwardly groaned. Liam had certainly given her a problem, all right. Just not the sort that Clayton thought. But she wasn’t about to explain any of this to her assistant. At least, not yet.
Certainly everyone could clearly see she was pregnant. But no one knew who the father was or the circumstances surrounding her condition. And so far her family and friends had respected her privacy and stopped just short of pressing her for the father’s identity. She realized that eventually questions would have to be answered; especially to the few family members she had left. But first there was Liam to deal with and she had no idea how he was going to react to her and this news. The mere thought of confronting him left her ill.
“Why would you think he’d be a problem? His horses are stabled on the opposite end of this barn. He’ll be coming and going around here just like we will.”
The grimace on Clayton’s face deepened. “That’s exactly why he might be causing a problem. He’s damned picky and yells at his hands like they were slaves.”
She bit back a sigh. “He wants the best care for his horses and demands they get it. That’s all. No one is being forced to work for him.”
Clayton snorted. “He has the attitude that his runners are royalty and the rest of us deal in cheap claimers.”
Kitty stiffened. She liked Clayton and admired his work even more. She could always depend on him to keep things going whenever she wasn’t physically able to keep up. Still, she wasn’t going to stand by and let him badmouth Liam.
“That’s not true,” she said bluntly. “I should know. Liam is an old friend of the family. Weren’t you aware?”
The man’s face turned red. “Oh. No—I didn’t. I mean, I wasn’t aware of that.”
“He and my father were very close for many years.” She didn’t add that she and Liam had been even closer. Clayton and everyone else would learn that soon enough, she thought.
“Hmm. That’s surprising,” he remarked. “I’ve heard that Donovan can be a real hard-nosed bastard at times.”
“You hear all sorts of things in this business. I wouldn’t put too much stock in it. Success breeds jealousy.”
Turning back to the mare, she focused her attention on slipping the blinkers onto Blue Snow’s head. Thankfully the animal behaved and stood quietly while Kitty adjusted and buckled the equipment.
“That’s true,” Clayton agreed. “But frankly, I’m surprised your dad saw that much in the guy. They’re two different types of men.”
No, Kitty thought, Liam was very much like her late father. Maybe that’s why she’d gravitated toward the man in the first place. It was often said that women unconsciously sought out a man with a personality like their father’s. But on the other hand, it was because Liam was so strong-minded, so driven like Will, that she was now filled with angst.
When Will and Kitty’s mother, Francine, had divorced, he’d fought fiercely for the custody of his six-year-old daughter and eventually won. She didn’t want to think that Liam might do the same with this child. She wanted to believe he was a fair and compassionate man. But this was an entirely different situation. She wasn’t Liam’s wife. Still, with every fiber of her being she longed to be a hands-on, dedicated mother to her baby.
Deciding she’d already discussed Liam enough with her assistant, she abruptly changed the subject and did her best to push the man from her mind.
“Who’s scheduled to work Snow this morning? Abby or Rodrigo?”
“Abby.”
Kitty said, “Tell her four furlongs, no more. And just because she’s wearing blinkers doesn’t mean I want her pushed. I only want to see if they’ll help keep her mind on her business.”
“You going to watch from the stands?”
She glanced at the watch on her wrist. She’d arrived here at the barn this morning shortly before five and it was now nearly eight. By the time she met Liam tonight, she’d be exhausted. But that might be a good thing, she thought dismally. Maybe she’d be so tired she wouldn’t care what sort of storm he threw at her.
“I’ll be there in five minutes,” she told Clayton, then hurried down the shed row to the nearest bathroom.
That evening Liam didn’t bother wasting time driving to his summer house to shower and change before he picked up Kitty. In a small office, on his end of the barn, he kept extra clothing and fortunately the bathroom was fitted with a tiny shower, so he made quick use of the facilities before heading down the huge barn to find her.
The day had been an extremely busy one with hardly a moment to draw a good breath. Even so, Kitty had monopolized his thoughts. Asking him to have dinner with her tonight had certainly come out of left field. She’d never made such an overture with him before. True, he’d more or less offered her a shoulder to lean on, but he’d not expected her to take him up on it.
And he could only wonder why she hadn’t reached out to him before now. She obviously wanted to talk with him about something, but what? Her father’s death and the responsibilities he’d left on her shoulders? The horses in her barn? The baby?
The baby. Ah, yes, he’d thought about the coming child all day, too. About who might be the daddy and what she planned to do once it was born. If he was the father, what would she expect or want from him? Money? Marriage? Nothing? And if he wasn’t the father? Well, that notion bothered the hell out of him, too. Making love to the woman that one memorable time didn’t give him the right to feel possessive of her or the baby. But he did. And that made him feel like a fool just asking to be hurt.
When he reached her office, he found the door open and Kitty sitting at a desk with a cell phone to her ear.
He made a perfunctory knock on the door facing, then stepped into the space that she’d already put her personal stamp upon with family photos of relatives and friends, along with several significant win photos of various Desert End horses.
The moment she looked up and spotted him standing just inside the door, she abruptly ended the conversation and lowered the phone from her ear.
“I hope I didn’t interrupt something important,” he said.
A faint smile touched her face and Liam was struck by the shadows of fatigue smudged beneath her eyes, the faint droop to her shoulders. A racehorse trainer put in long, arduous hours of work. It was tiring even for a strong, healthy man like himself. He couldn’t imagine what it must be doing to Kitty in her delicate condition. The mere thought of anything happening to her, or the child, made him inwardly shudder and he suddenly realized how very much he wanted to protect them both.
“An owner,” she explained. “You know how it is. Sometimes they worry over nothing and call five or six times a day. That was the third call today for this particular owner.”
She rose to her feet and he could see that she’d changed into a dove-gray dress that draped modestly over her growing belly. The hem struck her midcalf and brushed against a pair of black dress riding boots. Her blond hair was twisted into a knot at the back of her head and secured with a tortoiseshell clip. In spite of her obvious fatigue, she looked beautiful, even more beautiful than he remembered throughout the long winter months they’d been apart.
“Unfortunately coddling owners is a part of the job,” he replied.
She plucked up a black handbag from the corner of the desk and joined him at the door. “I’m ready if you are.”
“You might need a jacket,” he suggested. “Even though it’s the beginning of April it feels more like February out there. The evening has already turned very cool.”
After eyeing the heavy fabric of his shirt, she walked over to a tiny closet and pulled out a red woolen cape. Liam quickly moved to help her place it around her shoulders. As he smoothed the fabric against her back, he noticed that she smelled like some sort of sweet flower and just being close to her shook his senses.
“I made reservations at a seafood place,” he told her as he pushed her hands out of the way and fastened the silk frog at her throat. His fingers inadvertently touched her chin and the softness of her skin left him wanting to touch more. “I remembered that you like shrimp scampi.”
She looked up at him and suddenly her lips were quivering, her eyes misting over. “The last time we had dinner together Dad was with us. He was always with us, wasn’t he? And now—Oh, Liam, help me,” she whispered brokenly.
Raw emotion struck him in the middle of the chest and all he could do was gather her into his arms and pull her tight against him.
For long moments, he held her quietly, until she finally sniffed and tilted her head back far enough to look up at him.
“I’m so sorry, Liam. I’m—” With a tortured groan, she pulled out of his embrace and turned her back to him. “I’m sorry I’m pulling you into my misery. And I—”
He was fighting the urge to reach for her again when she whirled back to him. This time her features were twisted with agony. “I’m sorry that I have to tell you that you’re going to be a father.”
Chapter Two
Liam stared at her as his thoughts whirled at a mind-numbing speed. “Me? You’re saying I’m the father of your baby?”
Pressing a palm against her forehead, she closed her eyes. “I shouldn’t have blurted it out like that. I hadn’t planned to. I wanted to wait until after we’d had dinner and …” She opened her eyes and slowly, guardedly searched his face. “What are you thinking?”
He swallowed as he tried to gather his thoughts and form some sort of coherent answer. All day long he’d been telling himself that the likelihood of the baby being his was practically nil. He’d tried to convince himself that after their one-night fling, she’d moved on to someone else, some man that had become a permanent fixture in her life. Yet deep in his gut he’d sensed that she was carrying his child. Now that she’d spoken the fact aloud an odd mixture of emotions was rushing through him, filling him with fear and euphoria.
“I’m thinking—”
His words were interrupted by the sound of footsteps directly behind him, and then a knock on the door.
“Hey, Kitty, you gonna need me tomorrow?”
Glancing over his shoulder, Liam saw Rodrigo, one of the exercise riders that Willard had used for the past few years. The young man was grinning as though he didn’t have a care in the world. And Liam suddenly wondered how it would feel to live each day without a heavy weight of responsibility on his shoulders. But from the time he’d been a very young man in high school, his father had pinned high expectations on him. Ones that Liam was still striving to meet.
Clearing her throat, Kitty said, “I need three ridden in the morning, Rodrigo. Get with Clay. He should still be here in the barn. If not—” She quickly scribbled a phone number on a scrap of paper and carried it over to the jockey. “Call him and he’ll give you the time schedule and instructions.”
Rodrigo thrust out his hand and gave Kitty’s an enthusiastic pump. “Thank you, Kitty. Thank you very much. See in you in the morning, then. Okay?”
Kitty gave him a genuine smile. “I’ll be here,” she promised.
The jockey quickly trotted off and Kitty slowly turned back to Liam.
“I think we should—” The ring of a cell phone inside her purse interrupted her in midsentence. Casting him a rueful glance, she fished out the instrument. “Sorry, Liam. Let me turn this off.”
He waited while she dealt with the phone then quickly took hold of her upper arm. “Let’s get out of here,” he muttered, “before someone else comes along.”
They left the office and walked outside to a parking area used by barn workers, trainers and their employees. Without exchanging any words, Liam helped her into the bucket seat of his plush truck.
It wasn’t until he’d driven away from the racetrack and turned onto the freeway that he felt composed enough to speak.
“I don’t understand this, Kitty. We were together six months ago! Why didn’t you—”
Her expression imploring, she looked at him. “Let’s not discuss this while we’re traveling down the freeway, Liam. I think the issue deserves more attention than that,” she said.
He suddenly realized his hands had a choke hold on the steering wheel and his breaths were coming short and fast. He had to get a grip and face this situation with sensibility, he thought. Losing his cool now would be pointless, along with making him look like a complete ass. A baby did deserve his complete attention. “All right,” he agreed. “We’ll talk over dinner.”
Thankfully, the restaurant Liam had chosen wasn’t that far from the track. In less than fifteen minutes they were inside the small eating place, seated near a window overlooking a courtyard. Darkness had fallen over the city, but foot lamps illuminated a small garden area landscaped with palms and flowering shrubs.
After the waiter left to attend to their orders, Kitty silently stared out the window. As Liam studied the lovely lines of her face, he decided the gray, gloomy weather that had moved in earlier this afternoon matched the sadness in her eyes.
Was that sadness stemming from the loss of her father or the fact that she was unexpectedly having a baby? His baby! Liam didn’t think he’d yet fully comprehended the news she’d just handed him. Yesterday he’d been a widower with nothing more than horses on his mind. Today he was going to be a father!
The idea had put his emotions on a roller-coaster ride. What if something tragic happened to her or their baby? What if something happened to rip his son or daughter away before he ever had the chance to be a father to the child, the same way it had happened seven years ago? Yet even as these fearful questions were rushing through his head, he wanted to shout with pure joy.
“I realize it’s hard for you to understand why I’ve not said anything to you about the baby before now,” she said suddenly. “But I’m not going to apologize. It wasn’t until after Dad died that I learned for sure that I was pregnant. And at that time I had other pressing things to deal with.”
Becoming a parent was a pressing thing. Or didn’t she think so? Liam wondered. He wanted to fling the question at her, but stopped himself short. Losing her father had undoubtedly turned her world upside down and now she had her pregnancy to deal with. She deserved some slack, not upbraiding. Especially from him.
Glancing around, he noticed that he and Kitty were the only two people sitting in the small alcove. The quiet coziness reminded Liam that, except for that one night they’d shared a bed, they’d hardly ever spent time alone together. And yet they were having a baby. He’d have bet the chances of that happening were less than Liam winning the Kentucky Derby.
“You’ve had one shock follow another,” he pointed out.
Her blue eyes were tinged with regret as they scanned his face. “Yes. And now I’ve given you one.” Sighing, she shook her head slightly. “Dad’s heart attack came without warning. He was always so strong and healthy. And then suddenly he was gone and my brother was away and I was faced with making funeral arrangements, watching my father being lowered into the ground and then trying to decide if I could go on with the horses. Not just Desert End horses, but those of our clients’. Without Dad, my whole world was turned upside down and I wasn’t sure I could handle the responsibility of running the farm or handling the finances. And then I found out about the baby and I wasn’t even sure I could handle being a mother.”
Her last words caused Liam to freeze inside. To think that she might have considered terminating the pregnancy chilled him to the bone. He’d already lost one child as it grew in its mother’s womb. To imagine losing a second baby was completely terrifying. He didn’t have to ponder; he already knew he wanted this child. Very much. “You mean—you considered not having the baby?”
The disbelief in his voice must have conveyed his painful thoughts because she grimaced, then once again shook her head.
“I’ve always known I would go through with this pregnancy, if that’s what you mean. But I—” Her gaze suddenly dropped to her lap. “Well, everything fell on me at once. It’s taken a while for me to come to grips and make a plan for my future—a future without Dad at my side.”
She’d had more thrown at her in a matter of days than some people had in a lifetime. Liam could understand her emotions had been thrown in upheaval. And he wasn’t here to vex her with more problems. But he did deserve answers about the baby. His baby! The reality of it continued to stun him. Since he’d lost Felicia and the baby, he’d never been able to muster any serious interest in another woman. As a result, he’d practically given up on having a family of his own. Now, in the blink of an eye, all of that had changed.
He cleared his throat, but his voice came out little more than a hoarse whisper as he spoke. “I’m grateful, Kitty, that you didn’t want to end the pregnancy.”
Her blue eyes flickered with something like relief and the sight surprised Liam. Had she expected him to be angry about her pregnancy? Or, God forbid, not want the baby? He might come across as a real bastard at times, but that was only when he was dealing with inept or uncaring stable hands. Not with the people he loved.
But he didn’t love Kitty. No. He didn’t even know her enough to love her. He liked and admired her. And he was damned attracted to her. But that was a long way from love. Besides, all of his love, his whole heart, had been buried with his wife and child. He didn’t have any left to give this woman.
“You mean you’re not upset about this?” she asked.
Liam had to admit his emotions were running the full gamut right now. Shock, fear, joy and amazement were all tumbling through him, but he could safely say that anger was not among those feelings. How could he be resentful when a child was something he’d once longed for and dreamed about?
Solemnly, he reached across the table and enfolded her hand in his. “Why would I be?”
A dark pink blush swept up her neck and over her face.
“Because that night I assured you everything was okay. And I believed it was. But the protection I was wearing slipped from where it was supposed to be. The doctor assured me that there was only a tiny chance of that ever happening. I guess a tiny chance was working against us that night.”
“Or for us,” he added. “Depending on the way you look at things.”
He was going to have a child! He was going to be a father! With each passing minute the realization was slowly and surely sinking in on him and he was amazed at how comfortable he felt with the idea. Especially when he’d spent the past six years of his life convincing himself that it wasn’t meant for him to have a family.
A wan smile touched Kitty’s lips. “I’m glad you’re not upset. Some guys wouldn’t be so—understanding.”
“I’m not some guy,” he said with distaste, then leveled a pointed look at her. “But to be honest when I first saw you this morning and noticed that you were pregnant, I figured you’d met a man and were on your way to becoming a wife.”
Her lips parted to speak just as the waiter arrived with a cocktail for Liam and a ginger ale for Kitty. After the young man had served the drinks and walked away, she gave him a halfhearted smile. “When would I have time for a man?”
Her comment caused his brows to lift slightly. She might not have spent much intimate time with Liam, but she’d definitely made their evening together count. “You had time for me.”
Curling both hands around her glass, her smile faded as she stared down at the bubbling liquid. “You and I both know that we suffered a lapse of sanity that night. We might be having a child together but we’re not a couple. We never have been.”
Even though every word she’d uttered was the truth, Liam didn’t like the way it sounded. So indifferent and casual, so uncaring. He wasn’t in love with Kitty but he did care about her. Very much. Yet he wasn’t at all sure that she reciprocated his feelings. And that made him feel like a teenager with a hopeless crush. If the situation wasn’t so serious it would almost be laughable. The only females Liam ever mooned over were fillies or mares with the potential to win a six-figure purse. It shouldn’t matter to him if Kitty held any sort of affection for him.
“I guess not,” he agreed. “But the baby has connected us. It will keep us connected for the rest of our lives.”
She sipped her drink then glanced awkwardly away from him. “Yes. I suppose you’re right about that.”
He swiped a hand through his hair, rumpling the rich brown waves. “Me, a father,” he said with dismay. “I’ve got to admit I’d already moved past the notion of having a child in my life. I had decided I wasn’t ever going to be a father.”
She studied him thoughtfully. “You’re still a young man, Liam. It’s hard to imagine you already writing off those aspects of your life.”
He blew out a heavy breath. “Can’t you? I’m sure Will told you about … well, about my family and … what happened.”
Even now, in spite of his efforts to move forward, speaking about Felicia and the baby was like staring into a dark, empty hole. His family had oftentimes accused him of trying to cling to a memory and hang uselessly on to the past. But that wasn’t quite the truth. He’d tried to forget and set his sights on the future. He’d thrown himself into his work and pushed himself to get interested in dating and women. The work had helped keep his mind occupied, but he’d never felt a flicker of attraction toward another woman. Not until Kitty. And even that had been a slow thing that had crept up on him before he’d realized it was even happening. Now that attraction had turned into a baby!
He watched her cloudy gaze drop to the tabletop. “Yes. Dad told me a few years ago about the accident. I never mentioned it to you before because—” She focused her eyes back on his face. “Well, that’s your private business. If you wanted to talk to me about it that was for you to decide. Not me.”
“I rarely talk about it to anyone.”
Her expression solemn, she asked, “So the accident is why you never planned to have a family again?”
“My family was taken from me. I knew I couldn’t replace them.” He shrugged even though he was feeling anything but casual. “Felicia was one of a kind. She understood me and I understood her. We always got along without a hitch and the baby was a dream come true for the both of us. Once they were gone there was nothing left in my life but an empty hole. And I’ve never seen any way to fill it.”
“I see,” she murmured stiffly.
Did she? Most of the time, Liam had difficulty understanding his own feelings about the situation so he doubted she could grasp the state of his heart. But whether she appreciated how that part of his past had affected him didn’t really matter now. This was a new baby. And even though he’d not planned on it, his life was about to change.
“That probably sounds hard to you. If it does, I’m sorry. I’m not really a hard man, Kitty.”
A faint smile touched her lips and Liam was surprised at how much he would like to kiss her, to have that soft sweetness against his mouth, feel her warm breath caress his cheek.
“I’ve not ever thought that about you, Liam. Driven maybe. But not hard.”
He took another sip of his drink and realized the cocktail wasn’t nearly strong enough to slow the whirling thoughts in his head. Normally he was a cool, calculating man, his mind razor sharp. But Kitty and news of the baby had melted the ice water in his veins. Damn it. Right now he was feeling too much. Thinking too much.
“My work is what keeps me going,” he admitted. “Ever since I lost Felicia and the baby I’ve made horses and racing my whole life.”
“Well, you’re definitely making a name for yourself. For the past few years you’ve made plenty of owners and trainers bow down to you.”
He chuckled at her choice of words. “Bow? I didn’t know anyone had ever seen me wearing my crown, I always make a point to leave it locked in the vault at home.”
The smile fighting its way across her face warmed him.
“You hardly need to wear a crown, Liam. Everyone around the West Coast tracks think you’re royalty.”
“Only the West Coast?”
That made her laugh and he realized it was the first joyous sound he’d heard her make today. He also realized how good her laughter made him feel.
“I don’t know why anyone would have that idea about me,” he said with a shake of his head. “I’ve never won a training title at any track in this area. Up until this year I’ve never brought that many horses to California to even vie for one.”
“No. But you have a high win percentage with the amount you do bring,” she pointed out.
The waiter arrived with their salads and once they were alone again, she wasted no time in drenching the pile of greens with black pepper and forking up a piece of romaine lettuce.
Following her example, he dug into his own salad and swallowed several bites before he spoke again. “I’ve brought some of my best out here this spring. I’m hoping to show some of the big owners and trainers that the Diamond D stables can compete on any level.”
She sighed. “I’m hoping just to measure up to Dad’s standards. And that isn’t going to be easy.”
“Nothing about this business is easy.” He settled a soft gaze on her face. “But you shouldn’t worry, Kitty. You’ll do your father proud.”
Kitty looked at him and was suddenly horrified to feel tears glazing her eyes. All day long she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t become emotional tonight while she sat across the dinner table from Liam. But that promise had been impossible to keep. When he spoke of her father it ripped her heart. And when he’d talked about losing his wife and baby, she’d felt deep down hurt. For him and for herself. It was clear to her that he was still suffering and that meant he wasn’t ready to love again. Not her or any woman. Oh, God, why did that crush her so? Why couldn’t she look at him, be near him and feel nothing more than mild affection?
“Well, I’m going to do everything in my power to make him proud,” she said huskily. And to hold on to what was rightfully hers, she could have added. But tonight wasn’t the time to tell Liam about the edict her father had left in his will. Tonight was about the baby and how the two of them were going to deal with becoming parents.
A faint smile touched his lips and Kitty felt her heart flutter like a young girl experiencing her first crush. It was crazy to be reacting to this man in such a way, yet at the same time it was exhilarating. And she suddenly realized that Liam had done something she’d thought impossible. He’d broken through the numbness of her grief and made her feel again, want to live again.
“I have no doubts about that,” he said. “The first time I ever met your father, you were trailing alongside him. I’m sure during all those years you’ve absorbed a wealth of knowledge.”
She certainly had, Kitty thought dourly. She’d learned firsthand knowledge about controlling men and fractious horses. Neither of which she’d learned how to handle entirely.
“I tried,” was all she allowed herself to say.
He ate several bites of salad then said, “So tell me about your health. Are you feeling well? And the baby?”
Glad that he’d given her a couple of easy questions, she nodded. “I had a few bouts of nausea in my second and third month. But that’s past. So far I’m doing fine. And the baby appears to be healthy and growing.”
He looked visibly relieved and she could only wonder what the news of this baby had done to him. Brought up memories too painful to bear? Or was he seeing this child as a second chance for him to be a father? If they were a true couple she wouldn’t be wondering about those things, she would already know. But Kitty doubted they would ever be that close. Close enough for her to see into his heart. The notion saddened her. She’d always wanted to be important to this man and now that she was having his child that need had only intensified.
“I’m glad. Let’s pray everything stays that way,” he said then asked, “When are you due to give birth?”
Yes, he would be praying, she thought. She could already see that he wanted this child and since he’d already lost one baby, he probably wouldn’t relax until this one had safely arrived. And no doubt the loss of that earlier child would only make him want to cling to this one even more.
It terrified her to think he might eventually want to yank their child from her arms and carry it back to his home in New Mexico. As Clayton had hinted, Liam could be ruthless toward his staff if he believed they were neglecting their duties. She didn’t want that merciless determination directed at her or their child. But so far tonight, she’d not picked up on any sign of that, thank God. Because she had no intention of giving up her rights as a mother.
“The first week of July or somewhere near then,” she answered then sighed with resignation. The American Oaks would be running almost at the same time. It was the race that would determine the very fate of her career. She had to win, or at the very least place in the top three. Otherwise, she was in danger of losing everything.
“That’s right in the heart of racing season.”
“You don’t have to remind me. I have Black Dahlia’s nomination fee for the Oaks already paid. I’ll probably go into labor when the bugler calls for post time,” she said with wry humor. “But we’ll see. Whatever happens, Clayton is a very good assistant. I can trust him to handle things while I’m in the hospital.”
She could feel his gaze sliding keenly over her face and she fought the urge to shift uncomfortably in her chair.
“And afterward?” he asked. “What do you plan to do then?”
She tried to swallow another bite of salad but her throat seemed to clamp around the chewed food. “I’ll go home to Desert End for a couple of weeks to recuperate and then I’ll head back to the track with baby and a nanny in tow.”
His face showed little to no expression as he looked at her. “So you don’t plan on quitting your job as a trainer.”
She did her best not to bristle. The man had to ask questions. He couldn’t read her mind in order to know her plans for the future. Still, his remark was a bit sexist and if anyone else but him had asked it, she wouldn’t waste her breath giving them an answer.
“Not hardly. Do you?”
As she watched a deep red blush crawl up his throat, she could see he was annoyed, embarrassed or both.
“Sorry. That wasn’t a good question to ask.”
“Think about it, Liam. I can be a mother and a trainer at the same time. Just like, I hope, you can be a father and a trainer at the same time.” She leaned earnestly forward. “I hardly intend to shove my baby aside and let someone else do the hands-on care. I intend to love and nurture it just as any mother would do. But no matter which one of us is physically caring for the child, we’ll have to have a nanny’s help.”
He reached for his water glass. “I understand that. I—Well, clearly you weren’t expecting a child to enter your life at this stage and neither was I. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want the best for this baby.”
She nodded. “I totally agree.”
“What about Will—did he know about the baby before he died?”
Regret settled on Kitty’s shoulders and she looked at her half-eaten salad rather than meet his probing gaze. “No. A few weeks before his death I wasn’t feeling well. But my cycles have always been irregular, so pregnancy never really crossed my mind. I thought I had some sort of stomach issue caused by stress. By the time I saw the doctor Dad had the heart attack and then it was too late.”
“Hmm. I wonder what he would have thought about the baby.”
She rubbed fingers against the tiny throb behind her forehead. Her father had adored Liam. No doubt he would have been thrilled about the baby. “I think about that a lot, Liam. And you can’t imagine how much I wished he’d known. He—Well, he might have been disappointed that I was bearing a child out of wedlock, but I feel sure he would’ve been excited to be getting a grandchild. He’d pretty much given up on Owen giving him any. And he figured if I had to choose between a man or a horse, I’d always choose the latter.”
The grimace on Liam’s face had Kitty studying him more closely and what she saw fairly took her breath. He’d always been a striking figure of a man, but it seemed as though the past year he’d become even more attractive. Maybe that was because he’d let his hair grow down on his collar, or because he sometimes avoided shaving and the dark brown stubble on his face added to his rough-hewn features. His clothes, at least at Hollywood Park, had become more casual, too. Most of the time, he was dressed in blue jeans, boots and a Levi’s jacket.
Liam Donovan might be considered royalty, but he wasn’t one of those trainers that went around in a suit and tie with every hair in place and did all of his work over the phone. No, he was a hands-on type of guy who wasn’t afraid to get dirty and often did.
“I don’t expect he would have been very proud of me,” he said with a measure of self-contempt. “He was a mentor and I feel as though I let him down.”
His remark had her looking at him with dismay. “You let him down? How do you think I feel? He was my father. I did let him down. In more ways than one.”
He didn’t press her to explain that comment and Kitty was glad. She didn’t want to explain how she’d let her father down by refusing to marry Steve Bowers or how she’d embarrassed him by throwing Roger Grove’s engagement ring back in his face. Over the years, her father had held his own ideas about who she should love and marry and she’d disappointed him by rebelling, by questioning his judgment. But try as she might, neither of those men had been the sort she’d envisioned spending the rest of her life with. As a result, she’d ended both relationships. It was ironic, she supposed, that the only time her father had picked out the right man for her, Liam had refused.
She’d never told Liam that she’d learned of her father’s effort to get him to date her. And she wasn’t about to reveal it to him now. It was all too humiliating. Especially now that she was carrying his child.
Trying to shove those miserable thoughts away, she looked around with relief to see the waiter arriving with their main courses. She needed to eat and escape to her hotel room where she could go to bed and hope the weariness in her body and soul would disappear, at least for a while.
After the waiter had left behind Kitty’s shrimp scampi and Liam’s stuffed crab, he said, “Will understood human nature. He didn’t expect people or his horses to be perfect.”
She picked up her fork. “Dad expected it of me.”
Disbelief appeared on his face in the form of a frown. “I never noticed that whenever I was around the two of you.”
She sighed. Willard Cartwright had been a likable guy with a warm, jovial personality. He’d made friends easily and she doubted he’d died having even one enemy. Unless she counted her mother, Francine. As Willard’s wife, she’d refused to allow him to dominate every aspect of her life and because of that they’d gone through a bitter divorce and an even nastier custody battle over Kitty. With his family members, Willard had been a different man, one who’d loved fiercely, but had also fought to be in control. Now he was still trying to control Kitty from the grave.
She said, “Families always behave differently at home than in public.”
“That’s true,” he agreed. “But I always got the impression that you adored your father.”
“I did adore him. He was wonderful to me and Owen in so many ways. But he was demanding and controlling and because of that we often clashed—sometimes very loudly.” A bittersweet smile suddenly touched her lips. “Still, he was bigger than life and I wanted to be just like him. At least, like the good parts,” she amended. “Now—well, now I just miss him like hell.”
“If I lost my father, I’d be devastated,” he said solemnly.
Kitty had met Liam’s parents, Doyle and Fiona, about two years ago at Sunland Park near El Paso. They’d had a colt running in the Sunland Derby and most of the Donovan family had traveled to West Texas to view the event. Fiona had been breathtakingly beautiful, classy and very approachable. In looks, Doyle had been an older version of Liam, but the elder Donovan had seemed to be a genuinely happy and jovial man, whereas Liam was usually serious and all business. She’d liked his parents and his family. In fact, she’d been envious of their close-knit bond.
“So how are your parents doing? Do they plan to come out to Hollywood anytime during the meet?”
“They’re doing great. And as of now they’re planning on coming for the Big Cap and maybe, later on, the Gold Cup. It depends on what’s going on with their schedule. They say they’re retired, but they’re busier now than they’ve ever been.”
Feeling suddenly pensive, she pushed the food around on her plate. “You were just wondering what my father would have thought of our situation. Now I’m wondering what your family is going to think?”
“Does it matter?”
Her gaze lifted from her plate to settle on his face. “I suppose it shouldn’t. We’re not teenagers. We’re grown adults, financially secure and settled in our careers. If we’re not capable of raising a child, then I don’t know who would be. But …” Looking away from him, she released a wistful sigh. “I’ve got to be honest, Liam. Their opinion of me does matter. After all, this will be their grandchild.”
He reached across the table and touched his fingers to hers. The simple gesture sent a wave of emotions rushing through her. She blinked and swallowed and prayed she could keep her tears in check.
“Believe me, Kitty, my parents will welcome you into the family with open arms.”
A confused frown pulled her brows together. “You mean they’ll welcome the baby with open arms,” she corrected. “He or she will be a part of the Donovan family. Not me.”
A faint smile lifted one corner of his mouth. “The baby is already a Donovan. And so will you be—just as soon as you become my wife.”
Chapter Three
The grip she had on the fork loosened and the utensil fell with a loud clatter to her plate as she stared at him in stunned fascination.
“Your wife!” she gasped. “Are you serious?”
A frown furrowed deep lines in his forehead. “You didn’t expect anything less of me, did you?”
Amazed that he was suggesting such a commitment between them, she said, “I expected you to see this whole situation in a sensible way. I didn’t think you’d have this old-fashioned view that a woman expects or wants the father of her child to marry her!”
He leaned back in his chair and fixed her with a meaningful look. “And I expected you to want to do what’s right and best for our child.”
She swallowed as questions and thoughts barreled through her mind. “And you believe that the two of us getting married is the right and best thing?” she asked, her low voice full of dismay.
“Come on, Kitty, surely it crossed your mind that I would suggest marriage.”
Actually, the idea had crossed her mind a time or two, but she’d instantly pushed it aside. Everyone knew that Liam wasn’t the marrying type. He’d even told her father as much. And he didn’t want to marry now. Not really. This was all for the child and no other reason.
“To be honest, the idea did cross my mind, but it passed too quickly to ponder. Everyone, including me, knows that you’re a confirmed bachelor.”
“Wrong. I’m a widower. A widower who’d never planned to marry again.”
She looked away from him and tried to stem the sick feeling swimming in her stomach and spreading up to her chest. Did he have any idea how that statement made her feel? He might as well have come out and bluntly stated the facts. The night they’d made love, he’d never thought about a future with her. She’d suspected it, but hadn’t wanted to admit it.
You knew that when you invited him into your bed, Kitty. Just because he’s saying it out loud and to your face doesn’t make it any more hurtful. So get over it.
“And I’m a single woman, who intends to stay that way—at least, until the baby gets a bit older.”
“Why?”
Jerking her gaze back to his face, she stared wondrously at him. “Because I …” Her voice trailed off as she tried to gather the right words, the best explanation she could possibly give without revealing too much of herself. “Okay, I’ll try to explain, Liam. When most women, including myself, dream of getting married it’s all about romance and love. Convenience or practicality doesn’t figure into things. If I can’t have the sort of marriage I want, I’d rather stay single.”
He shoved out a heavy breath as he carefully placed his fork next to his plate. Apparently, he’d lost his appetite, too, she thought sickly.
“I wish things were different, Kitty. For you and for me. But I’m fairly certain that you’re not a selfish woman. At least, I’ve never seen that side of you before. And once you think about this, you’ll realize that our baby takes priority over our own wants and needs.”
Tears were beginning to burn the back of her eyes and the hunger that had been gnawing earlier at her stomach had now completely vanished. He was right in so many ways. But that didn’t lessen the loss of her dreams and all that she’d ever hoped to have in her life. He was a practical man, not a romantic like her. He was viewing this whole issue with his head, while she was seeing it through her heart.
“I understand that we need to put the baby’s welfare first, Liam. Right now I just don’t see a marriage between us making anything better for this coming child.”
Grimacing, he reached for his cocktail glass and drained the last of its contents. “A child needs two parents,” he said as he placed the empty glass aside. “Parents who live together.”
Not like the Cartwrights, who’d divorced, then fought over their child in a cold courtroom, she thought. From the time Kitty had reached the age of six, she’d lived without a mother. Clearly, Liam was aware that her parents were divorced, but whether he knew she’d been raised solely by her father through all those tender years, she couldn’t say. She’d certainly never discussed such a personal matter with him. But for all she knew, her father could have confided in him.
“I guess you would know more about that than me. You have a big, united family,” she said quietly. “My parents divorced when I was six. And after that my mother was no longer a part of my life.”
A rueful grimace tightened his features. “I’m sorry, Kitty. Will said something to me once about his ex not being much of a mother. But I didn’t ask him to explain the remark. I don’t like people prying into my private life, so I respected your father’s privacy and kept the question to myself.”
She shook her head. “There’s not really much to explain. After my parents divorced Dad won custody of me. Francine went back to Georgia where she was from originally and began another life—without her daughter.”
He studied her face for long moments and Kitty hated the fact that tears were doing their best to form at the back of her eyes. Normally, she could speak about her mother without getting emotional. Over the years, she’d told herself it didn’t matter that her mother had practically forgotten she’d had a daughter. But being pregnant had left her soft and vulnerable, had left her wondering how any mother could simply walk away from her child.
“I see. Well, that ought to make you better understand how a child needs both parents—together,” he said finally.
Her stomach was tying itself into painful knots. “I agree that two parents in a loving home is the ideal setup for a child’s upbringing. But that’s not us. We’re friends. Who—well, just happened to have sex one night.”
She hoped she’d sounded as cool and practical as when he’d talked about never planning to marry again. Not for anything did she want him to know how besotted she was with him and had been for some time now.
He let out a long breath. “That’s true. And now we need to deal with an unexpected situation—in the best way possible.”
And the best way possible was for Kitty to marry a man who didn’t love her? Who didn’t really want to be married? The idea completely wiped away her appetite and she put down her fork, then dabbed a napkin to her lips.
“I’m sorry, Liam, I’m just not up to eating anything else. Would you mind taking me back to the hotel?”
He eyed her with open concern. “Are you feeling ill?”
“No. It’s nothing like that,” she quickly dismissed his question. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day and I don’t have to tell you that I have a lot to think about.”
She could see something like disappointment wash across his face, but he didn’t press her to stay and finish the meal. Instead, he said, “Of course. I’ll get the waiter to bring the check.”
Five minutes later they were back in Liam’s truck, traveling down the freeway to the hotel where she would be living during the Hollywood meet.
As he maneuvered through the heavy traffic, they didn’t speak, and as the silence between them stretched into awkward tension, Kitty felt even worse than she had at the restaurant.
“I’m sorry, Liam,” she said finally. “I’ve ruined your dinner.”
“You didn’t ruin anything. I had plenty to eat.”
“I wasn’t exactly thinking about your stomach.”
The grunt he made had her glancing over at him and she was relieved to see a groove of amusement creasing his cheek. At least he wasn’t thinking she needed to be taken directly to a psychiatrist’s couch for her mood swings.
“Lately I’ve had brothers and sisters having babies right and left. Pregnancy isn’t easy for you ladies or us men.”
He should know, Kitty thought. He’d already dealt with a pregnant wife. Only he didn’t have either wife or child now, she thought sadly. And suddenly she was wondering how far along his wife had been in her pregnancy when she’d been killed. As far as Kitty was now?
The question caused her hand to slip to the growing mound of her stomach. She loved this baby so much. So much.
“That stuff you were saying about our baby needing both parents—I know you’re right. I’m sure I would be a much better person if I’d had a mother around to balance my life.”
He kept his gaze on the traffic. “There’s nothing wrong with the person you are now.”
She sighed as she smoothed the fabric of her dress over her crossed knees. “I would have been different if my mother had stayed in the family. I seriously doubt I would be a racehorse trainer, spending my every waking hour at the barn or track. I’d probably be working at some office job and have a nice, neat boyfriend who wore chinos and loafers and played golf on the weekends.”
“That doesn’t sound like you at all.”
“I’d be screaming with boredom,” she admitted, then darted a glance at him. “When I was fourteen my father offered to let me go to Atlanta to live with my mother. He figured by then I was old enough to decide if I wanted something different in my life.”
“Did you go?”
“Only for short visits,” she admitted. “By then the bond with my mother was gone, ruined by the distance between us, I suppose. And horses already ran deep in my blood. I knew that when I grew up I wanted to be a successful trainer just like my father.”
A grin lifted one corner of his mouth. “And you are. You’re just much prettier than he was.”
Sad emptiness swept through her and she desperately fought to push it aside. She had to put the past behind her. She had to think ahead. Always ahead to the monumental tasks she was now facing.
“I have yet to prove how successful I am. As a daughter, well, I tried with my mother. But the two of us just never fit together. By the time I was eighteen we’d drifted apart completely.”
“What about now?”
“I rarely ever hear from her. She married a man who had two sons. They’re grown now and she and her husband travel most of the time. Whenever I do talk to her it’s like I’m visiting with a stranger. You know what I mean? Like when a distant relative suddenly calls or shows up and you don’t know them from Adam. But just because they’re located somewhere on your family tree you feel like there should be a connection and then you feel guilty when there’s not one.”
“Yeah. I’ve been there,” he said. “And I don’t want that to happen with our child. She or he is going to know the both of us. When it thinks of its parents, it’s going to think of us as a couple—a united family unit.”
If that could only be true in every sense of the word, Kitty thought. But theirs was hardly a normal relationship built on love and devotion. And it never would be. How could they ever hope to be a united family unit?
“You’re painting a nice, tidy picture, Liam. But you’ve not had time to think this all through. Whenever you do you’ll realize you can’t force something like that.”
He shot her a wry look. “Kitty, I have no intention of forcing you to marry me. You’ll either agree to become my wife or you won’t. It’s that simple.”
Neat and practical with everything black and white. Every particle in Kitty’s heart cringed from the very idea. But this wasn’t about her or her wants anymore, she told herself. There were three people involved in this. The most important being the baby presently growing in her womb.
He turned into the hotel parking lot, but rather than pull up to the front entrance, he found a parking space and cut the engine.
“I’ll walk you to your room,” he said.
She wanted to tell him that she didn’t need an escort. She wanted to remind him of what had happened the last time he’d walked her to her hotel room. But she kept all of that to herself as he skirted around the front of the truck and helped her to the ground.
The night had cooled considerably since they left the training barn. A breeze ruffled the fringe of hair on her forehead and she welcomed it. Being with Liam, having his hand on her arm had heated her whole body. As the doorman opened the glass partition and ushered them inside, she figured her cheeks were flushed a bright pink.
Once they stepped on the elevator, she gave him the floor number. After he punched it and they began to move upward, he stepped closer and studied her face. Beneath the dim glow overhead, his strong features were slightly shadowed and oh, so sexy.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Her gaze landed squarely on his lips and the urge to kiss him clawed at her, forcing her to swallow before she could speak. “Yes. Why do you ask?”
To her surprise his hand lifted and his fingers gently trailed across her forehead. The soft touch caused her breath to pause and she wondered how he would react if she closed the few inches of space between them and pressed her lips to his.
He said, “You look drained.”
She told herself to breathe and relax, but his nearness was making her crazy. She’d always wanted this man. And once she’d learned just how thrilling it was to be in his arms, she couldn’t forget. She wanted more of him. More than he clearly wanted to give.
“A woman doesn’t exactly get a marriage proposal every day.” Especially from a man of his stature, she could have added. A man who turned female heads as soon as he walked into a room.
A smile flickered ever so briefly on his face. “I didn’t stop to think that the thought of having me for a husband was that disturbing. Maybe I should have told you that I don’t snore, I pick up my own socks and I don’t need to control the TV remote.”
Rolling her eyes, she tried to match his teasing mood. Not for anything did she want him to learn that her heart had been invested in him for a long time now. It would only make him feel more obligated, more trapped.
“As if you watch TV,” she scoffed. “I suspect the only time you ever sit down is when you watch the replay of a race or a workout.”
The dimple at the side of his mouth deepened. “See, that’s why you’d never have to worry about having control of the remote.”
It wasn’t the remote that Kitty was concerned about; it was her heart and what this man might do to it if she gave him the chance.
The elevator came to a stomach-lurching stop and she unconsciously reached for Liam’s arm to steady herself. Quickly, he curled an arm around the back of her waist and as they stepped off the elevator she realized that his bracing touch, though unsettling, was a security that she needed.
For weeks now she’d been surrounded by family and friends, yet she’d felt lost and alone. With Liam near, part of that emptiness went away. And though she wouldn’t be loved by him, she’d definitely be taken care of. But was that enough for her? Would it ever be enough?
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Stella Bagwell
“The baby’s a Donovan – and so will you be. As soon as you become my wife.“Horse trainer Kitty Cartwright didn’t expect a romantic proposal…especially from the New Mexico rancher who was her business rival. She didn’t expect a proposal at all! But Kitty was having Liam Donovan’s baby. And now the daddy-to-be was insisting they make it legal. No child of Liam’s was going to be born without him around.The surprise was how quickly Kitty said “I do” – for the sake of the baby, of course. But with passion reigniting, this marriage of convenience was starting to feel an awful lot like the real thing. Was Liam ready to risk his heart? Because Kitty wasn’t settling for anything less.
Her breasts rose and fell as she heaved out a heavy breath. “I’ve made a decision regarding your marriage proposal.”
His hand on her arm tightened perceptibly. He’d never expected an answer from her tonight. He’d wanted her to weigh the situation and her feelings about it carefully. But apparently she’d made up her mind without too much thought.
Liam tried to mentally brace himself as he studied her grave expression. “Are you sure, Kitty?”
Her eyes never wavered from his. “Yes. I’m sure that I want to be your wife.”
Dear Reader,
As I began to write about the Donovan family, I soon came to the realization that Liam would be the last sibling to find love. It was obvious to me that he was a special man and it would take extra time for the right woman to come along and heal his wounded heart.
Next to love, I believe grief might be the most powerful emotion a human can experience. In some cases it stops a person cold. In others it pushes them to start over and search for a way to fill the emptiness inside them.
In Liam’s case, he’s lost the will to search for a new beginning, but when he finally does, he slowly realizes that life can offer second chances and love is worth risking everything.
For those of you who’ve been reading the Donovan stories, thank you so much. And please don’t think you have to say goodbye to this family. More MEN OF THE WEST stories will be coming, and some of them might even include a long-lost Donovan or two!
God bless each trail you ride with love and happiness,
Stella
About the Author
STELLA BAGWELL has written more than seventy novels for Mills & Boon. She credits her loyal readers and hopes her stories have brightened their lives in some small way.
A cowgirl through and through, she loves to watch old Westerns, and has recently learned how to rope a steer. Her days begin and end helping her husband care for a beloved herd of horses on their little ranch located on the south Texas coast. When she’s not ropin’ and ridin’, you’ll find her at her desk, creating her next tale of love.
The couple have a son, who is a high school math teacher and athletic coach. Stella loves to hear from readers and invites them to contact her at stellabagwell@gmail.com.
His Texas Baby
Stella Bagwell
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
To horses, for the love and inspiration they give us,
and the hopes and dreams we hang upon them.
Chapter One
The woman was pregnant!
Liam Donovan stopped in his tracks and stared down the long shed row. Between him and Kitty Cartwright a hot walker led a sweaty black thoroughbred toward an open doorway, a jockey’s valet carrying a saddle and tack hurried past, while a nearby horse hung his head over a gate and nickered loudly. Shafts of sunlight illuminated dust particles and bits of hay dancing through the air, and behind him a worker sang along to a nearby radio. Yet none of those things distracted Liam’s focus away from Kitty. Even at a distance, the silhouette of her rounded tummy was very evident and the sight stunned him.
When had this happened? Like a tornado sweeping over the plains, the question roared through his head. Three months ago, when he’d attended her father’s funeral in El Paso, she’d appeared as slim as ever. And though they’d only exchanged a few words as he’d offered his condolences, she’d said nothing to even hint at her condition.
But then why would she? The fact that Kitty was having a baby was none of his business. Or was it? He’d only been in her bed that one time. And that had been at least five or six months ago. The bump of her belly didn’t look that far along, did it? Besides, if he was the father she would’ve surely contacted him before now.
As Kitty stood near a stall door, talking with a young man he knew to be an assistant trainer for Desert End, Liam continued to stare. Since he’d only landed in Los Angeles yesterday, Liam hadn’t yet learned whether Kitty or the Cartwrights’ entourage of horses would be stabled at Hollywood Park Racetrack for the spring/summer meet. He’d heard talk through the racing grapevine that she would be coming, filling the position of head trainer for Desert End Stables; a position that had been held by her father, the late, great Willard Cartwright for forty years. But Liam had tried to ignore the information and tell himself that it didn’t matter if or when he might be seeing Kitty again. Now the rapid beat of his heart proved just how much he’d been lying to himself.
Inside the pockets of his jean jacket, his hands curled into loose fists as his gaze took in the lovely tanned oval of her face, the long blond hair spilling down her black sweater, the faded denim hugging her hips and thighs. When he’d first met her seven years ago, she’d been an awkward teenager with a fanatic love for horses. But sometime between then and now, she’d turned into a woman. And now she was carrying a baby. But whose? Could it possibly be his? The question whammed him between the eyes like a sledgehammer driving a steel spike, leaving him feeling dazed and queasy.
“Liam, I’m feeling uneasy about this ankle. I’d like for you to take a look.”
The request came from Clint, one of the Diamond D grooms who’d accompanied the Donovan horses to California. Even though the young man was at least ten years younger than Liam’s thirty-five, he’d been working for the Donovans since he was twelve years old and since then he’d grown into a competent horseman that Liam could trust implicitly. If he was concerned about a horse’s condition, then Liam was concerned, too.
Forcing his eyes away from Kitty, Liam opened the half gate and stepped inside the cinderblock stall, where Clint was standing next to a big red thoroughbred named Reckless Rendezvous.
Normally, nothing distracted Liam from his job. But seeing Kitty again—and pregnant at that—was wrecking his ability to focus. As he knelt next to the right front foot of the horse, Liam tried to clear his mind while he carefully ran his hands over the ankle, fetlock and up the cannon bone. “Nothing feels warm,” Liam announced. “And I don’t feel anything amiss. Have you noticed any change in his gait?”
Clint said, “Yesterday, when we unloaded him from the plane, I thought he was a bit gimpy. But he could have just been stiff from the long ride. Or it could have just been my imagination. But I’d rather be safe than sorry, so I wanted you to have a look.”
Rising to his full height, Liam slapped a comforting hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong. But we’ll get it x-rayed anyway.”
“His workout is scheduled for tomorrow morning at seven,” Clint reminded him.
“I’ll go over to the equine hospital in a few minutes and see about getting the X-ray,” Liam promised. “Right now I want to know if you and Andy have settled in and have everything you need.”
Clint and Andy, the other groom who had accompanied them on this three-and-half-month stay in California, would be living in small quarters located next to the horses’ stalls. The beds were merely adequate and space for more than the bare necessities limited. Liam understood how much the men and his two female hot walkers, who would be housed in another area of the barn, sacrificed in order to do their jobs. That’s why the Diamond D paid them handsomely and Liam made sure they had every possible convenience he could give them.
“Sure, Liam. Don’t worry about any of us. We’re all just excited to be here.”
Down through the years, Liam had made a habit of shipping five or six of his better runners to Hollywood Park Racetrack for the spring/summer racing meet. During the three month period, he would fly in and out as each respective race date grew near, while allowing his assistant to remain in California to handle the daily training chores. But Clete, his longtime and very trusted assistant, had passed away a little more than three years ago and Liam still couldn’t find it in his heart to even attempt to replace him. The loss had forced Liam to take on more of a workload and change the routine of his plans and schedules.
This year he’d decided to bring his best to the West Coast and personally stay for the entire duration of the meet; unless some unforeseen emergency called him back to the Diamond D. Now, after seeing Kitty in this condition, he wondered if he’d made a huge mistake. Not that he’d come here to have some sort of steady relationship with her. No. They were friends, not lovers. They’d only been together that one time because he’d unexpectedly run into Kitty and her father while visiting Lone Star Park Racetrack in north Texas. The three of them had eaten dinner together, but before the meal was over Will had been called away on business. Liam had remained with Kitty and the two of them had lingered over a bottle of wine. Maybe a little too much wine. Eventually, Liam had offered to walk her back to her Dallas hotel room and once they’d gotten there, one thing had led to another.
Later that night, before he’d left her hotel room, she’d explained that she wasn’t ready for any sort of serious relationship with him and that she hoped they could simply go on being friends instead of lovers. Even though Liam hadn’t been looking for anything permanent with the woman, his ego had been a bit stung by her attitude. And the idea that she hadn’t enjoyed their passionate union enough to want a repeat had been enough to jerk his feet back to solid earth. That same night he’d assured her that nothing had really changed and as far as he was concerned they’d remain friends and nothing more.
The next day he’d flown to Remington Park at Oklahoma City to deal with a runner he’d entered in a Derby and then he’d headed home to New Mexico and done his best to push the woman from his mind. Two months passed without seeing or talking with her. And then the news of Willard’s death had stunned the racing world and he’d traveled to El Paso to attend the man’s funeral and offer Kitty his condolences.
Since then, he’d continued to fight with the memory of that night they’d recklessly fallen into each other’s arms. He’d been telling himself to put it all behind him and move on. She had her life and he had his. And his didn’t include having a hot affair with a fellow horse trainer. He wasn’t the affair type. Nor was he the marrying type. And she’d made it clear to him that she wasn’t interested in those things, either.
But the memory of making love to Kitty had somehow been burned into his brain and returned to haunt him at moments when he least expected it. And he’d wondered if she ever thought of him and that night, ever longed for him. But now, seeing her belly filled with child, he could only wonder who’d taken his place in her bed. Had she fallen in love? Was she planning to marry?
How do you know some other man has moved into her life? Do you know for certain that the baby isn’t yours, Liam? You made love to the woman. And, yeah, she told you she was using birth control, but you’re a smart enough guy to know that nothing is one hundred percent effective.
Shutting his ears to the voice going off in his head, Liam dropped his hand from Clint’s shoulder and turned his attention back to Reckless. He didn’t want to consider that there was a reasonable chance the baby might be his. The idea was too terrifying. He repressed the memories and spoke to Clint.
“If everything checks out okay,” he said to the groom, “I want you to have Liv hand walk him in the barn area for about thirty minutes.”
“Right. I’ll make sure,” Clint assured him.
Liam gave him a few more instructions concerning the remaining horses then left the stall in a purposeful stride.
A quick glance to his right revealed that Kitty was still standing in the same area he’d spotted her in a few moments ago. This time she was speaking to a woman who appeared to be a barn worker. Were Kitty’s horses also stalled in barn 59? Hell, any other time he would have been happy to share a training barn with the woman. And he’d promised her that they would remain friends. But seeing her pregnant had done something to him. His feelings were being yanked in all different directions.
He was trying to decide whether to go greet her or beat a hasty retreat to his office, when she happened to glance his way. Recognition instantly hit her face and she stared for a few brief seconds before turning her attention back to the barn worker.
If she’d given him a smile, a tiny wave, signaled him with some sort of acknowledgment, he would have gone on to his office and waited for a quieter moment to say hello to her. But her blatant dismissal caught him by surprise and sent him striding down the shed row until he reached her.
“I’ll get right on it, Miss Cartwright,” the barn worker was saying as Liam walked up to Kitty’s left shoulder. “Just let me know if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Gina. I appreciate you. Please remember that.”
As the tall, huskily built woman turned and hurried away, she nodded a passing greeting to Liam. Once she was out of earshot, Kitty turned and looked up at him.
“Hello, Liam.”
Even though there was a faint smile on her soft lips, he could see shadows in her blue eyes and he wondered if grief over losing her father had put them there or something else. Either way, the faint sadness in her gaze didn’t diminish her beauty. It struck him hard and jerked him right back to that night when their lips had met and he’d driven himself deep inside her.
“Kitty,” he greeted as he tried to stem the erotic memories. “How are you?”
Her smile wavered, but only for a brief moment. “I’m good. Very excited to be back at Hollywood Park. What about yourself?”
She was making an attempt to be cordial, but he couldn’t miss the impersonal tone in her voice. He’d not really known what to expect when they met again, away from the crowd of mourners at her father’s funeral. In all of his imaginings, it hadn’t been like this. Kitty had always been a soft, caring person, a woman who never said a cross word to anything or anyone. With him, she’d always been warm, open and straightforward. He wasn’t feeling that now. She was holding back a part of herself and that troubled him. Even hurt him.
“I got here yesterday with the rest of my crew,” he told her. “We’re just now getting the horses and ourselves settled.”
She nodded stiffly. “I wasn’t aware until this morning that we’d be sharing the same barn. Did you bring many horses this time?”
“Twenty,” he answered. There were eighteen training barns and enough stalls to house nearly two thousand horses on the track, he thought, and somehow he and Kitty had managed to wind up in the same facility. At this moment, Liam couldn’t decide whether that was a stroke of misfortune or a piece of good luck.
She looked away from him and swallowed and he used the opportunity to let his gaze slide down to her belly. The soft mound beneath her sweater somehow made her look more feminine and vulnerable and an odd little pang suddenly struck him in the middle of the chest. He wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms so badly he could very nearly taste it.
“Oh. I only brought half that many,” she said. “With Dad dying, some of our training got put on hold. A few of the three-year-olds that belong to Desert End still need gate schooling. I may have them shipped out here later for the latter half of the meet.”
Desert End Stables, Kitty’s home and training facility, was located just north of El Paso, Texas. Liam had visited the place a few times in years past. It was a beautiful horse farm that sprawled for miles over the West Texas desert. Willard had not only been a highly successful trainer, but also a noted breeder in the business. Even though Willard had a son from a former marriage, Liam had heard that Desert End and all its holdings, which would amount to a vast fortune in itself, had gone to Kitty. He supposed the old man had made that decision because Owen had never had anything to do with the horse business and worked as a Deputy Sheriff for Hudspeth County in Texas. Still, Liam had no doubt that Willard had made sure his son had received a fair share of inheritance in monetary form. From all he knew, father and son had gotten along well.
“I miss the hell out of Will,” Liam said suddenly, his voice gruff with emotion. “I can’t imagine how you must feel.”
She looked back at him and he noticed a glaze of moisture in her blue eyes. Maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned her father, he thought, but Willard had been a huge presence in both of their lives. His memory could never be ignored or forgotten. It simply wasn’t possible.
“Nothing has been easy since we buried Dad,” she admitted, her voice low and strained. “But everyone loses a loved one at some time in their life. This time it just happened to be me.”
Yeah. He knew all too well what she meant about losing a loved one. One minute he’d had a wife and a baby on the way, the next minute they’d been gone, wiped out of his life when the car she’d been driving through heavy fog had careened off a mountain highway. Since the tragic accident, no woman had caught his interest in any way. Until Kitty. Something about her had made him want again, feel again. And now, with her standing only inches away, she was reminding him that he was a red-blooded man, full of needs and desires.
“I’m sorry, Kitty,” he said lowly. “Really sorry.”
Her eyes blinked and then she turned her gaze toward the stall to her left, where a black horse was nipping at a hay bag. The nameplate on the stall door read Mr. Marvel and Liam remembered the colt as being one of Willard’s favorites. No doubt that everywhere Kitty looked, she was surrounded by bittersweet memories of her father.
Even so, she obviously had other things to think about and plan for, Liam concluded. Like the baby in her womb and the man who’d put it there. Could that man possibly be him? No! It couldn’t be. She wouldn’t be standing here like this, ignoring the obvious. She would have already told him months ago. Or would she?
Dragging in a heavy breath, he resisted the urge to give his head a shake. This was crazy, he thought. It felt like there was a fire in the barn and both of them were standing there, ignoring it as though nothing was wrong.
Her voice suddenly interrupted his thoughts as she said, “I’ll survive, Liam. Dad expected the best from me. I can’t break down on him now and ruin everything he worked a lifetime to build.”
“Kitty.” She sounded so crushed and weary that Liam could hardly bear it and before he could think about it, he placed a comforting hand on her forearm. “Is there anything I can do?”
She didn’t answer immediately and Liam supposed his offer didn’t mean much. After all, she had the means to hire the best people in the business to keep her stable working efficiently and her win rate at a high percentage. As for emotional support, he figured she had plenty of friends and distant relatives to share her problems with. She certainly didn’t need Liam. The idea left him feeling strangely flat.
“I don’t know,” she answered finally, then lifted her gaze to his face. “Do you think you could have dinner with me tonight?”
This area of the state was known for its earthquake tremors and for a split second Liam wondered if the ground beneath his feet was tilting. She’d never invited him to join her anywhere, at any time, and he’d always talked himself out of asking her for a date or anything even resembling one. The only reason they’d ever spent time in each other’s company was her father. In fact, Willard had once approached him about dating Kitty. The older man had believed that Liam and his daughter would make a fine pair, considering they both loved the same profession. But Liam had dismissed Will’s suggestion. At that time his wife’s fatal accident had still been fresh in his mind and he’d not been interested in dating anyone. And now—well, he still wasn’t interested. Not with the loss of Felicia continuing to haunt him.
He was trying to gather himself enough to respond, when she said, “If you have other engagements don’t worry about it. We can get together some other time.”
He shook his head as his thoughts raced around her motives and his schedule. “I have to meet someone at seven this evening,” he finally said. “But that won’t take more than fifteen minutes. Will seven-thirty fit your schedule?”
She looked strangely relieved, a reaction that confused Liam even more. If she’d needed to see or talk with him, all she’d needed to do was pick up the phone and let him know. Her wanting to have dinner with him tonight seemed strange and out of the blue. Yet the idea of spending time with her excited him more than he wanted to admit.
“Seven-thirty would be great,” she told him. “You can pick me up at my office. It’s at the opposite end of the barn. I’ve already posted my nameplate, so you shouldn’t have any trouble finding it.”
“All right. I’ll see you then.” Realizing he still had hold of her arm, he forced himself to drop his hand. “Is there anyplace special you’d like to eat? I’ll make reservations.”
“I don’t need special. Just anywhere simple and quiet.”
“Fine. Seven-thirty then.”
A tiny smile lifted the corners of her lips and the sight encouraged him. No matter the situation with this woman’s personal life, he wanted her to be happy. Especially with him.
“Yes,” she agreed. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a temperamental mare waiting for me to put on her blinkers.”
“Sure,” he told her. “I have work waiting, too.”
Kitty didn’t allow herself a second look at the man as he turned and walked away. She didn’t need to. His chiseled features, hazel-green eyes and streaked brown hair were all ingrained in her memory just as much as his tall, solidly built body. He might not be the most handsome guy she’d ever laid eyes on, but he was darn sure the sexiest. And six months ago that latent sexuality had been her undoing.
For days afterward, she’d blamed her reckless behavior on the wine she’d consumed at dinner that night. But deep in her heart she’d known two glasses of wine hadn’t made her fall into bed with Liam Donovan.
She’d first met Liam seven years ago, when she’d been nineteen and just beginning to travel extensively with her father. She’d instantly been smitten with the man, not only with his raw, sexy looks, but also with his training skills. And since that time, little by little, she’d come to learn more about who he was as a man.
Around the track, he had a reputation for being fair and honest, but also hard-driven. Kitty would agree he was all those things and more. He was an extremely private man, who rarely talked about his personal life, which in a way had always made him seem just that much more intriguing to Kitty.
It had been through an offhand comment from her father that she’d learned Liam had lost his wife and unborn child in a car accident a little more than six years ago, but Liam himself had never spoken to her about such things. With her, he’d only discussed training methods, auctions, sires, the pros and cons of different tracks and all the other zillion and one factors that went into racing thoroughbreds. But those discussions had been enough to reveal glimpses of the man and his way of thinking. She admired him, she was wildly attracted to him and she feared she was even in love with him. Fear being the key word. Because from what she could see, Liam Donovan was a demanding perfectionist and never would be an easygoing family man. Along with that, her father had admitted, long before he’d died, that he’d tried to talk Liam into dating Kitty and that Liam had refused. If he didn’t want to date her, it was a cinch there wasn’t a hope in hell that he’d ever fall in love with her.
Oh, God, why didn’t she just go home to Desert End and let Clayton take care of things here? There was plenty of work at the farm to keep her more than occupied. A barn filled with up-and-coming two-year-olds, along with a mix of older horses in training for races later in the summer.
But no, she’d chosen to come here. Because she’d known Liam would be here and she’d wanted to see him and be close to him again. Now she had to find the courage to tell him that he was going to be a father.
Swallowing the ball of emotion lodged in her throat, she turned to her left and entered stall number thirty where Blue Snow, one of her prize mares, was housed.
A slight grimace tightened Clayton’s features as he looked around at her. “Sorry, Kitty. You’d think by now she would let someone else put these things on her. But the more I tried the more worked up she was getting.”
“The last thing I want is for her to get hot and unsettled. So when she acts this way, just let her be and don’t worry about it,” Kitty instructed her assistant. “The time to start worrying is when she won’t let me put them on.”
Kitty took the pair of blinkers from him, but instead of rushing at the mare with the piece of equipment, she simply began to stroke her neck and face and talk to her in gentle, soothing tones.
“Is anything wrong, Kitty?”
Not bothering to look at him, she said, “Blue Snow is a bit high-strung. Especially when you’re dealing with her head. And I don’t have to tell you how important this filly is to me—to Desert End.”
“I know all of that. I’m not talking about Snow. I’m talking about you. You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”
Liam was hardly a ghost. But he’d definitely haunted her thoughts for the past six months, Kitty thought. Ever since she’d gone to bed with him and a baby had been conceived.
“I’m fine, Clayton. I was just hurrying down the shed row and got a little winded, that’s all,” she explained.
The young man, who’d worked as Willard’s main assistant for the past year, cleared his throat. “Well—uh, I noticed you were talking with Liam Donovan. Is he causing you problems?”
Kitty inwardly groaned. Liam had certainly given her a problem, all right. Just not the sort that Clayton thought. But she wasn’t about to explain any of this to her assistant. At least, not yet.
Certainly everyone could clearly see she was pregnant. But no one knew who the father was or the circumstances surrounding her condition. And so far her family and friends had respected her privacy and stopped just short of pressing her for the father’s identity. She realized that eventually questions would have to be answered; especially to the few family members she had left. But first there was Liam to deal with and she had no idea how he was going to react to her and this news. The mere thought of confronting him left her ill.
“Why would you think he’d be a problem? His horses are stabled on the opposite end of this barn. He’ll be coming and going around here just like we will.”
The grimace on Clayton’s face deepened. “That’s exactly why he might be causing a problem. He’s damned picky and yells at his hands like they were slaves.”
She bit back a sigh. “He wants the best care for his horses and demands they get it. That’s all. No one is being forced to work for him.”
Clayton snorted. “He has the attitude that his runners are royalty and the rest of us deal in cheap claimers.”
Kitty stiffened. She liked Clayton and admired his work even more. She could always depend on him to keep things going whenever she wasn’t physically able to keep up. Still, she wasn’t going to stand by and let him badmouth Liam.
“That’s not true,” she said bluntly. “I should know. Liam is an old friend of the family. Weren’t you aware?”
The man’s face turned red. “Oh. No—I didn’t. I mean, I wasn’t aware of that.”
“He and my father were very close for many years.” She didn’t add that she and Liam had been even closer. Clayton and everyone else would learn that soon enough, she thought.
“Hmm. That’s surprising,” he remarked. “I’ve heard that Donovan can be a real hard-nosed bastard at times.”
“You hear all sorts of things in this business. I wouldn’t put too much stock in it. Success breeds jealousy.”
Turning back to the mare, she focused her attention on slipping the blinkers onto Blue Snow’s head. Thankfully the animal behaved and stood quietly while Kitty adjusted and buckled the equipment.
“That’s true,” Clayton agreed. “But frankly, I’m surprised your dad saw that much in the guy. They’re two different types of men.”
No, Kitty thought, Liam was very much like her late father. Maybe that’s why she’d gravitated toward the man in the first place. It was often said that women unconsciously sought out a man with a personality like their father’s. But on the other hand, it was because Liam was so strong-minded, so driven like Will, that she was now filled with angst.
When Will and Kitty’s mother, Francine, had divorced, he’d fought fiercely for the custody of his six-year-old daughter and eventually won. She didn’t want to think that Liam might do the same with this child. She wanted to believe he was a fair and compassionate man. But this was an entirely different situation. She wasn’t Liam’s wife. Still, with every fiber of her being she longed to be a hands-on, dedicated mother to her baby.
Deciding she’d already discussed Liam enough with her assistant, she abruptly changed the subject and did her best to push the man from her mind.
“Who’s scheduled to work Snow this morning? Abby or Rodrigo?”
“Abby.”
Kitty said, “Tell her four furlongs, no more. And just because she’s wearing blinkers doesn’t mean I want her pushed. I only want to see if they’ll help keep her mind on her business.”
“You going to watch from the stands?”
She glanced at the watch on her wrist. She’d arrived here at the barn this morning shortly before five and it was now nearly eight. By the time she met Liam tonight, she’d be exhausted. But that might be a good thing, she thought dismally. Maybe she’d be so tired she wouldn’t care what sort of storm he threw at her.
“I’ll be there in five minutes,” she told Clayton, then hurried down the shed row to the nearest bathroom.
That evening Liam didn’t bother wasting time driving to his summer house to shower and change before he picked up Kitty. In a small office, on his end of the barn, he kept extra clothing and fortunately the bathroom was fitted with a tiny shower, so he made quick use of the facilities before heading down the huge barn to find her.
The day had been an extremely busy one with hardly a moment to draw a good breath. Even so, Kitty had monopolized his thoughts. Asking him to have dinner with her tonight had certainly come out of left field. She’d never made such an overture with him before. True, he’d more or less offered her a shoulder to lean on, but he’d not expected her to take him up on it.
And he could only wonder why she hadn’t reached out to him before now. She obviously wanted to talk with him about something, but what? Her father’s death and the responsibilities he’d left on her shoulders? The horses in her barn? The baby?
The baby. Ah, yes, he’d thought about the coming child all day, too. About who might be the daddy and what she planned to do once it was born. If he was the father, what would she expect or want from him? Money? Marriage? Nothing? And if he wasn’t the father? Well, that notion bothered the hell out of him, too. Making love to the woman that one memorable time didn’t give him the right to feel possessive of her or the baby. But he did. And that made him feel like a fool just asking to be hurt.
When he reached her office, he found the door open and Kitty sitting at a desk with a cell phone to her ear.
He made a perfunctory knock on the door facing, then stepped into the space that she’d already put her personal stamp upon with family photos of relatives and friends, along with several significant win photos of various Desert End horses.
The moment she looked up and spotted him standing just inside the door, she abruptly ended the conversation and lowered the phone from her ear.
“I hope I didn’t interrupt something important,” he said.
A faint smile touched her face and Liam was struck by the shadows of fatigue smudged beneath her eyes, the faint droop to her shoulders. A racehorse trainer put in long, arduous hours of work. It was tiring even for a strong, healthy man like himself. He couldn’t imagine what it must be doing to Kitty in her delicate condition. The mere thought of anything happening to her, or the child, made him inwardly shudder and he suddenly realized how very much he wanted to protect them both.
“An owner,” she explained. “You know how it is. Sometimes they worry over nothing and call five or six times a day. That was the third call today for this particular owner.”
She rose to her feet and he could see that she’d changed into a dove-gray dress that draped modestly over her growing belly. The hem struck her midcalf and brushed against a pair of black dress riding boots. Her blond hair was twisted into a knot at the back of her head and secured with a tortoiseshell clip. In spite of her obvious fatigue, she looked beautiful, even more beautiful than he remembered throughout the long winter months they’d been apart.
“Unfortunately coddling owners is a part of the job,” he replied.
She plucked up a black handbag from the corner of the desk and joined him at the door. “I’m ready if you are.”
“You might need a jacket,” he suggested. “Even though it’s the beginning of April it feels more like February out there. The evening has already turned very cool.”
After eyeing the heavy fabric of his shirt, she walked over to a tiny closet and pulled out a red woolen cape. Liam quickly moved to help her place it around her shoulders. As he smoothed the fabric against her back, he noticed that she smelled like some sort of sweet flower and just being close to her shook his senses.
“I made reservations at a seafood place,” he told her as he pushed her hands out of the way and fastened the silk frog at her throat. His fingers inadvertently touched her chin and the softness of her skin left him wanting to touch more. “I remembered that you like shrimp scampi.”
She looked up at him and suddenly her lips were quivering, her eyes misting over. “The last time we had dinner together Dad was with us. He was always with us, wasn’t he? And now—Oh, Liam, help me,” she whispered brokenly.
Raw emotion struck him in the middle of the chest and all he could do was gather her into his arms and pull her tight against him.
For long moments, he held her quietly, until she finally sniffed and tilted her head back far enough to look up at him.
“I’m so sorry, Liam. I’m—” With a tortured groan, she pulled out of his embrace and turned her back to him. “I’m sorry I’m pulling you into my misery. And I—”
He was fighting the urge to reach for her again when she whirled back to him. This time her features were twisted with agony. “I’m sorry that I have to tell you that you’re going to be a father.”
Chapter Two
Liam stared at her as his thoughts whirled at a mind-numbing speed. “Me? You’re saying I’m the father of your baby?”
Pressing a palm against her forehead, she closed her eyes. “I shouldn’t have blurted it out like that. I hadn’t planned to. I wanted to wait until after we’d had dinner and …” She opened her eyes and slowly, guardedly searched his face. “What are you thinking?”
He swallowed as he tried to gather his thoughts and form some sort of coherent answer. All day long he’d been telling himself that the likelihood of the baby being his was practically nil. He’d tried to convince himself that after their one-night fling, she’d moved on to someone else, some man that had become a permanent fixture in her life. Yet deep in his gut he’d sensed that she was carrying his child. Now that she’d spoken the fact aloud an odd mixture of emotions was rushing through him, filling him with fear and euphoria.
“I’m thinking—”
His words were interrupted by the sound of footsteps directly behind him, and then a knock on the door.
“Hey, Kitty, you gonna need me tomorrow?”
Glancing over his shoulder, Liam saw Rodrigo, one of the exercise riders that Willard had used for the past few years. The young man was grinning as though he didn’t have a care in the world. And Liam suddenly wondered how it would feel to live each day without a heavy weight of responsibility on his shoulders. But from the time he’d been a very young man in high school, his father had pinned high expectations on him. Ones that Liam was still striving to meet.
Clearing her throat, Kitty said, “I need three ridden in the morning, Rodrigo. Get with Clay. He should still be here in the barn. If not—” She quickly scribbled a phone number on a scrap of paper and carried it over to the jockey. “Call him and he’ll give you the time schedule and instructions.”
Rodrigo thrust out his hand and gave Kitty’s an enthusiastic pump. “Thank you, Kitty. Thank you very much. See in you in the morning, then. Okay?”
Kitty gave him a genuine smile. “I’ll be here,” she promised.
The jockey quickly trotted off and Kitty slowly turned back to Liam.
“I think we should—” The ring of a cell phone inside her purse interrupted her in midsentence. Casting him a rueful glance, she fished out the instrument. “Sorry, Liam. Let me turn this off.”
He waited while she dealt with the phone then quickly took hold of her upper arm. “Let’s get out of here,” he muttered, “before someone else comes along.”
They left the office and walked outside to a parking area used by barn workers, trainers and their employees. Without exchanging any words, Liam helped her into the bucket seat of his plush truck.
It wasn’t until he’d driven away from the racetrack and turned onto the freeway that he felt composed enough to speak.
“I don’t understand this, Kitty. We were together six months ago! Why didn’t you—”
Her expression imploring, she looked at him. “Let’s not discuss this while we’re traveling down the freeway, Liam. I think the issue deserves more attention than that,” she said.
He suddenly realized his hands had a choke hold on the steering wheel and his breaths were coming short and fast. He had to get a grip and face this situation with sensibility, he thought. Losing his cool now would be pointless, along with making him look like a complete ass. A baby did deserve his complete attention. “All right,” he agreed. “We’ll talk over dinner.”
Thankfully, the restaurant Liam had chosen wasn’t that far from the track. In less than fifteen minutes they were inside the small eating place, seated near a window overlooking a courtyard. Darkness had fallen over the city, but foot lamps illuminated a small garden area landscaped with palms and flowering shrubs.
After the waiter left to attend to their orders, Kitty silently stared out the window. As Liam studied the lovely lines of her face, he decided the gray, gloomy weather that had moved in earlier this afternoon matched the sadness in her eyes.
Was that sadness stemming from the loss of her father or the fact that she was unexpectedly having a baby? His baby! Liam didn’t think he’d yet fully comprehended the news she’d just handed him. Yesterday he’d been a widower with nothing more than horses on his mind. Today he was going to be a father!
The idea had put his emotions on a roller-coaster ride. What if something tragic happened to her or their baby? What if something happened to rip his son or daughter away before he ever had the chance to be a father to the child, the same way it had happened seven years ago? Yet even as these fearful questions were rushing through his head, he wanted to shout with pure joy.
“I realize it’s hard for you to understand why I’ve not said anything to you about the baby before now,” she said suddenly. “But I’m not going to apologize. It wasn’t until after Dad died that I learned for sure that I was pregnant. And at that time I had other pressing things to deal with.”
Becoming a parent was a pressing thing. Or didn’t she think so? Liam wondered. He wanted to fling the question at her, but stopped himself short. Losing her father had undoubtedly turned her world upside down and now she had her pregnancy to deal with. She deserved some slack, not upbraiding. Especially from him.
Glancing around, he noticed that he and Kitty were the only two people sitting in the small alcove. The quiet coziness reminded Liam that, except for that one night they’d shared a bed, they’d hardly ever spent time alone together. And yet they were having a baby. He’d have bet the chances of that happening were less than Liam winning the Kentucky Derby.
“You’ve had one shock follow another,” he pointed out.
Her blue eyes were tinged with regret as they scanned his face. “Yes. And now I’ve given you one.” Sighing, she shook her head slightly. “Dad’s heart attack came without warning. He was always so strong and healthy. And then suddenly he was gone and my brother was away and I was faced with making funeral arrangements, watching my father being lowered into the ground and then trying to decide if I could go on with the horses. Not just Desert End horses, but those of our clients’. Without Dad, my whole world was turned upside down and I wasn’t sure I could handle the responsibility of running the farm or handling the finances. And then I found out about the baby and I wasn’t even sure I could handle being a mother.”
Her last words caused Liam to freeze inside. To think that she might have considered terminating the pregnancy chilled him to the bone. He’d already lost one child as it grew in its mother’s womb. To imagine losing a second baby was completely terrifying. He didn’t have to ponder; he already knew he wanted this child. Very much. “You mean—you considered not having the baby?”
The disbelief in his voice must have conveyed his painful thoughts because she grimaced, then once again shook her head.
“I’ve always known I would go through with this pregnancy, if that’s what you mean. But I—” Her gaze suddenly dropped to her lap. “Well, everything fell on me at once. It’s taken a while for me to come to grips and make a plan for my future—a future without Dad at my side.”
She’d had more thrown at her in a matter of days than some people had in a lifetime. Liam could understand her emotions had been thrown in upheaval. And he wasn’t here to vex her with more problems. But he did deserve answers about the baby. His baby! The reality of it continued to stun him. Since he’d lost Felicia and the baby, he’d never been able to muster any serious interest in another woman. As a result, he’d practically given up on having a family of his own. Now, in the blink of an eye, all of that had changed.
He cleared his throat, but his voice came out little more than a hoarse whisper as he spoke. “I’m grateful, Kitty, that you didn’t want to end the pregnancy.”
Her blue eyes flickered with something like relief and the sight surprised Liam. Had she expected him to be angry about her pregnancy? Or, God forbid, not want the baby? He might come across as a real bastard at times, but that was only when he was dealing with inept or uncaring stable hands. Not with the people he loved.
But he didn’t love Kitty. No. He didn’t even know her enough to love her. He liked and admired her. And he was damned attracted to her. But that was a long way from love. Besides, all of his love, his whole heart, had been buried with his wife and child. He didn’t have any left to give this woman.
“You mean you’re not upset about this?” she asked.
Liam had to admit his emotions were running the full gamut right now. Shock, fear, joy and amazement were all tumbling through him, but he could safely say that anger was not among those feelings. How could he be resentful when a child was something he’d once longed for and dreamed about?
Solemnly, he reached across the table and enfolded her hand in his. “Why would I be?”
A dark pink blush swept up her neck and over her face.
“Because that night I assured you everything was okay. And I believed it was. But the protection I was wearing slipped from where it was supposed to be. The doctor assured me that there was only a tiny chance of that ever happening. I guess a tiny chance was working against us that night.”
“Or for us,” he added. “Depending on the way you look at things.”
He was going to have a child! He was going to be a father! With each passing minute the realization was slowly and surely sinking in on him and he was amazed at how comfortable he felt with the idea. Especially when he’d spent the past six years of his life convincing himself that it wasn’t meant for him to have a family.
A wan smile touched Kitty’s lips. “I’m glad you’re not upset. Some guys wouldn’t be so—understanding.”
“I’m not some guy,” he said with distaste, then leveled a pointed look at her. “But to be honest when I first saw you this morning and noticed that you were pregnant, I figured you’d met a man and were on your way to becoming a wife.”
Her lips parted to speak just as the waiter arrived with a cocktail for Liam and a ginger ale for Kitty. After the young man had served the drinks and walked away, she gave him a halfhearted smile. “When would I have time for a man?”
Her comment caused his brows to lift slightly. She might not have spent much intimate time with Liam, but she’d definitely made their evening together count. “You had time for me.”
Curling both hands around her glass, her smile faded as she stared down at the bubbling liquid. “You and I both know that we suffered a lapse of sanity that night. We might be having a child together but we’re not a couple. We never have been.”
Even though every word she’d uttered was the truth, Liam didn’t like the way it sounded. So indifferent and casual, so uncaring. He wasn’t in love with Kitty but he did care about her. Very much. Yet he wasn’t at all sure that she reciprocated his feelings. And that made him feel like a teenager with a hopeless crush. If the situation wasn’t so serious it would almost be laughable. The only females Liam ever mooned over were fillies or mares with the potential to win a six-figure purse. It shouldn’t matter to him if Kitty held any sort of affection for him.
“I guess not,” he agreed. “But the baby has connected us. It will keep us connected for the rest of our lives.”
She sipped her drink then glanced awkwardly away from him. “Yes. I suppose you’re right about that.”
He swiped a hand through his hair, rumpling the rich brown waves. “Me, a father,” he said with dismay. “I’ve got to admit I’d already moved past the notion of having a child in my life. I had decided I wasn’t ever going to be a father.”
She studied him thoughtfully. “You’re still a young man, Liam. It’s hard to imagine you already writing off those aspects of your life.”
He blew out a heavy breath. “Can’t you? I’m sure Will told you about … well, about my family and … what happened.”
Even now, in spite of his efforts to move forward, speaking about Felicia and the baby was like staring into a dark, empty hole. His family had oftentimes accused him of trying to cling to a memory and hang uselessly on to the past. But that wasn’t quite the truth. He’d tried to forget and set his sights on the future. He’d thrown himself into his work and pushed himself to get interested in dating and women. The work had helped keep his mind occupied, but he’d never felt a flicker of attraction toward another woman. Not until Kitty. And even that had been a slow thing that had crept up on him before he’d realized it was even happening. Now that attraction had turned into a baby!
He watched her cloudy gaze drop to the tabletop. “Yes. Dad told me a few years ago about the accident. I never mentioned it to you before because—” She focused her eyes back on his face. “Well, that’s your private business. If you wanted to talk to me about it that was for you to decide. Not me.”
“I rarely talk about it to anyone.”
Her expression solemn, she asked, “So the accident is why you never planned to have a family again?”
“My family was taken from me. I knew I couldn’t replace them.” He shrugged even though he was feeling anything but casual. “Felicia was one of a kind. She understood me and I understood her. We always got along without a hitch and the baby was a dream come true for the both of us. Once they were gone there was nothing left in my life but an empty hole. And I’ve never seen any way to fill it.”
“I see,” she murmured stiffly.
Did she? Most of the time, Liam had difficulty understanding his own feelings about the situation so he doubted she could grasp the state of his heart. But whether she appreciated how that part of his past had affected him didn’t really matter now. This was a new baby. And even though he’d not planned on it, his life was about to change.
“That probably sounds hard to you. If it does, I’m sorry. I’m not really a hard man, Kitty.”
A faint smile touched her lips and Liam was surprised at how much he would like to kiss her, to have that soft sweetness against his mouth, feel her warm breath caress his cheek.
“I’ve not ever thought that about you, Liam. Driven maybe. But not hard.”
He took another sip of his drink and realized the cocktail wasn’t nearly strong enough to slow the whirling thoughts in his head. Normally he was a cool, calculating man, his mind razor sharp. But Kitty and news of the baby had melted the ice water in his veins. Damn it. Right now he was feeling too much. Thinking too much.
“My work is what keeps me going,” he admitted. “Ever since I lost Felicia and the baby I’ve made horses and racing my whole life.”
“Well, you’re definitely making a name for yourself. For the past few years you’ve made plenty of owners and trainers bow down to you.”
He chuckled at her choice of words. “Bow? I didn’t know anyone had ever seen me wearing my crown, I always make a point to leave it locked in the vault at home.”
The smile fighting its way across her face warmed him.
“You hardly need to wear a crown, Liam. Everyone around the West Coast tracks think you’re royalty.”
“Only the West Coast?”
That made her laugh and he realized it was the first joyous sound he’d heard her make today. He also realized how good her laughter made him feel.
“I don’t know why anyone would have that idea about me,” he said with a shake of his head. “I’ve never won a training title at any track in this area. Up until this year I’ve never brought that many horses to California to even vie for one.”
“No. But you have a high win percentage with the amount you do bring,” she pointed out.
The waiter arrived with their salads and once they were alone again, she wasted no time in drenching the pile of greens with black pepper and forking up a piece of romaine lettuce.
Following her example, he dug into his own salad and swallowed several bites before he spoke again. “I’ve brought some of my best out here this spring. I’m hoping to show some of the big owners and trainers that the Diamond D stables can compete on any level.”
She sighed. “I’m hoping just to measure up to Dad’s standards. And that isn’t going to be easy.”
“Nothing about this business is easy.” He settled a soft gaze on her face. “But you shouldn’t worry, Kitty. You’ll do your father proud.”
Kitty looked at him and was suddenly horrified to feel tears glazing her eyes. All day long she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t become emotional tonight while she sat across the dinner table from Liam. But that promise had been impossible to keep. When he spoke of her father it ripped her heart. And when he’d talked about losing his wife and baby, she’d felt deep down hurt. For him and for herself. It was clear to her that he was still suffering and that meant he wasn’t ready to love again. Not her or any woman. Oh, God, why did that crush her so? Why couldn’t she look at him, be near him and feel nothing more than mild affection?
“Well, I’m going to do everything in my power to make him proud,” she said huskily. And to hold on to what was rightfully hers, she could have added. But tonight wasn’t the time to tell Liam about the edict her father had left in his will. Tonight was about the baby and how the two of them were going to deal with becoming parents.
A faint smile touched his lips and Kitty felt her heart flutter like a young girl experiencing her first crush. It was crazy to be reacting to this man in such a way, yet at the same time it was exhilarating. And she suddenly realized that Liam had done something she’d thought impossible. He’d broken through the numbness of her grief and made her feel again, want to live again.
“I have no doubts about that,” he said. “The first time I ever met your father, you were trailing alongside him. I’m sure during all those years you’ve absorbed a wealth of knowledge.”
She certainly had, Kitty thought dourly. She’d learned firsthand knowledge about controlling men and fractious horses. Neither of which she’d learned how to handle entirely.
“I tried,” was all she allowed herself to say.
He ate several bites of salad then said, “So tell me about your health. Are you feeling well? And the baby?”
Glad that he’d given her a couple of easy questions, she nodded. “I had a few bouts of nausea in my second and third month. But that’s past. So far I’m doing fine. And the baby appears to be healthy and growing.”
He looked visibly relieved and she could only wonder what the news of this baby had done to him. Brought up memories too painful to bear? Or was he seeing this child as a second chance for him to be a father? If they were a true couple she wouldn’t be wondering about those things, she would already know. But Kitty doubted they would ever be that close. Close enough for her to see into his heart. The notion saddened her. She’d always wanted to be important to this man and now that she was having his child that need had only intensified.
“I’m glad. Let’s pray everything stays that way,” he said then asked, “When are you due to give birth?”
Yes, he would be praying, she thought. She could already see that he wanted this child and since he’d already lost one baby, he probably wouldn’t relax until this one had safely arrived. And no doubt the loss of that earlier child would only make him want to cling to this one even more.
It terrified her to think he might eventually want to yank their child from her arms and carry it back to his home in New Mexico. As Clayton had hinted, Liam could be ruthless toward his staff if he believed they were neglecting their duties. She didn’t want that merciless determination directed at her or their child. But so far tonight, she’d not picked up on any sign of that, thank God. Because she had no intention of giving up her rights as a mother.
“The first week of July or somewhere near then,” she answered then sighed with resignation. The American Oaks would be running almost at the same time. It was the race that would determine the very fate of her career. She had to win, or at the very least place in the top three. Otherwise, she was in danger of losing everything.
“That’s right in the heart of racing season.”
“You don’t have to remind me. I have Black Dahlia’s nomination fee for the Oaks already paid. I’ll probably go into labor when the bugler calls for post time,” she said with wry humor. “But we’ll see. Whatever happens, Clayton is a very good assistant. I can trust him to handle things while I’m in the hospital.”
She could feel his gaze sliding keenly over her face and she fought the urge to shift uncomfortably in her chair.
“And afterward?” he asked. “What do you plan to do then?”
She tried to swallow another bite of salad but her throat seemed to clamp around the chewed food. “I’ll go home to Desert End for a couple of weeks to recuperate and then I’ll head back to the track with baby and a nanny in tow.”
His face showed little to no expression as he looked at her. “So you don’t plan on quitting your job as a trainer.”
She did her best not to bristle. The man had to ask questions. He couldn’t read her mind in order to know her plans for the future. Still, his remark was a bit sexist and if anyone else but him had asked it, she wouldn’t waste her breath giving them an answer.
“Not hardly. Do you?”
As she watched a deep red blush crawl up his throat, she could see he was annoyed, embarrassed or both.
“Sorry. That wasn’t a good question to ask.”
“Think about it, Liam. I can be a mother and a trainer at the same time. Just like, I hope, you can be a father and a trainer at the same time.” She leaned earnestly forward. “I hardly intend to shove my baby aside and let someone else do the hands-on care. I intend to love and nurture it just as any mother would do. But no matter which one of us is physically caring for the child, we’ll have to have a nanny’s help.”
He reached for his water glass. “I understand that. I—Well, clearly you weren’t expecting a child to enter your life at this stage and neither was I. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want the best for this baby.”
She nodded. “I totally agree.”
“What about Will—did he know about the baby before he died?”
Regret settled on Kitty’s shoulders and she looked at her half-eaten salad rather than meet his probing gaze. “No. A few weeks before his death I wasn’t feeling well. But my cycles have always been irregular, so pregnancy never really crossed my mind. I thought I had some sort of stomach issue caused by stress. By the time I saw the doctor Dad had the heart attack and then it was too late.”
“Hmm. I wonder what he would have thought about the baby.”
She rubbed fingers against the tiny throb behind her forehead. Her father had adored Liam. No doubt he would have been thrilled about the baby. “I think about that a lot, Liam. And you can’t imagine how much I wished he’d known. He—Well, he might have been disappointed that I was bearing a child out of wedlock, but I feel sure he would’ve been excited to be getting a grandchild. He’d pretty much given up on Owen giving him any. And he figured if I had to choose between a man or a horse, I’d always choose the latter.”
The grimace on Liam’s face had Kitty studying him more closely and what she saw fairly took her breath. He’d always been a striking figure of a man, but it seemed as though the past year he’d become even more attractive. Maybe that was because he’d let his hair grow down on his collar, or because he sometimes avoided shaving and the dark brown stubble on his face added to his rough-hewn features. His clothes, at least at Hollywood Park, had become more casual, too. Most of the time, he was dressed in blue jeans, boots and a Levi’s jacket.
Liam Donovan might be considered royalty, but he wasn’t one of those trainers that went around in a suit and tie with every hair in place and did all of his work over the phone. No, he was a hands-on type of guy who wasn’t afraid to get dirty and often did.
“I don’t expect he would have been very proud of me,” he said with a measure of self-contempt. “He was a mentor and I feel as though I let him down.”
His remark had her looking at him with dismay. “You let him down? How do you think I feel? He was my father. I did let him down. In more ways than one.”
He didn’t press her to explain that comment and Kitty was glad. She didn’t want to explain how she’d let her father down by refusing to marry Steve Bowers or how she’d embarrassed him by throwing Roger Grove’s engagement ring back in his face. Over the years, her father had held his own ideas about who she should love and marry and she’d disappointed him by rebelling, by questioning his judgment. But try as she might, neither of those men had been the sort she’d envisioned spending the rest of her life with. As a result, she’d ended both relationships. It was ironic, she supposed, that the only time her father had picked out the right man for her, Liam had refused.
She’d never told Liam that she’d learned of her father’s effort to get him to date her. And she wasn’t about to reveal it to him now. It was all too humiliating. Especially now that she was carrying his child.
Trying to shove those miserable thoughts away, she looked around with relief to see the waiter arriving with their main courses. She needed to eat and escape to her hotel room where she could go to bed and hope the weariness in her body and soul would disappear, at least for a while.
After the waiter had left behind Kitty’s shrimp scampi and Liam’s stuffed crab, he said, “Will understood human nature. He didn’t expect people or his horses to be perfect.”
She picked up her fork. “Dad expected it of me.”
Disbelief appeared on his face in the form of a frown. “I never noticed that whenever I was around the two of you.”
She sighed. Willard Cartwright had been a likable guy with a warm, jovial personality. He’d made friends easily and she doubted he’d died having even one enemy. Unless she counted her mother, Francine. As Willard’s wife, she’d refused to allow him to dominate every aspect of her life and because of that they’d gone through a bitter divorce and an even nastier custody battle over Kitty. With his family members, Willard had been a different man, one who’d loved fiercely, but had also fought to be in control. Now he was still trying to control Kitty from the grave.
She said, “Families always behave differently at home than in public.”
“That’s true,” he agreed. “But I always got the impression that you adored your father.”
“I did adore him. He was wonderful to me and Owen in so many ways. But he was demanding and controlling and because of that we often clashed—sometimes very loudly.” A bittersweet smile suddenly touched her lips. “Still, he was bigger than life and I wanted to be just like him. At least, like the good parts,” she amended. “Now—well, now I just miss him like hell.”
“If I lost my father, I’d be devastated,” he said solemnly.
Kitty had met Liam’s parents, Doyle and Fiona, about two years ago at Sunland Park near El Paso. They’d had a colt running in the Sunland Derby and most of the Donovan family had traveled to West Texas to view the event. Fiona had been breathtakingly beautiful, classy and very approachable. In looks, Doyle had been an older version of Liam, but the elder Donovan had seemed to be a genuinely happy and jovial man, whereas Liam was usually serious and all business. She’d liked his parents and his family. In fact, she’d been envious of their close-knit bond.
“So how are your parents doing? Do they plan to come out to Hollywood anytime during the meet?”
“They’re doing great. And as of now they’re planning on coming for the Big Cap and maybe, later on, the Gold Cup. It depends on what’s going on with their schedule. They say they’re retired, but they’re busier now than they’ve ever been.”
Feeling suddenly pensive, she pushed the food around on her plate. “You were just wondering what my father would have thought of our situation. Now I’m wondering what your family is going to think?”
“Does it matter?”
Her gaze lifted from her plate to settle on his face. “I suppose it shouldn’t. We’re not teenagers. We’re grown adults, financially secure and settled in our careers. If we’re not capable of raising a child, then I don’t know who would be. But …” Looking away from him, she released a wistful sigh. “I’ve got to be honest, Liam. Their opinion of me does matter. After all, this will be their grandchild.”
He reached across the table and touched his fingers to hers. The simple gesture sent a wave of emotions rushing through her. She blinked and swallowed and prayed she could keep her tears in check.
“Believe me, Kitty, my parents will welcome you into the family with open arms.”
A confused frown pulled her brows together. “You mean they’ll welcome the baby with open arms,” she corrected. “He or she will be a part of the Donovan family. Not me.”
A faint smile lifted one corner of his mouth. “The baby is already a Donovan. And so will you be—just as soon as you become my wife.”
Chapter Three
The grip she had on the fork loosened and the utensil fell with a loud clatter to her plate as she stared at him in stunned fascination.
“Your wife!” she gasped. “Are you serious?”
A frown furrowed deep lines in his forehead. “You didn’t expect anything less of me, did you?”
Amazed that he was suggesting such a commitment between them, she said, “I expected you to see this whole situation in a sensible way. I didn’t think you’d have this old-fashioned view that a woman expects or wants the father of her child to marry her!”
He leaned back in his chair and fixed her with a meaningful look. “And I expected you to want to do what’s right and best for our child.”
She swallowed as questions and thoughts barreled through her mind. “And you believe that the two of us getting married is the right and best thing?” she asked, her low voice full of dismay.
“Come on, Kitty, surely it crossed your mind that I would suggest marriage.”
Actually, the idea had crossed her mind a time or two, but she’d instantly pushed it aside. Everyone knew that Liam wasn’t the marrying type. He’d even told her father as much. And he didn’t want to marry now. Not really. This was all for the child and no other reason.
“To be honest, the idea did cross my mind, but it passed too quickly to ponder. Everyone, including me, knows that you’re a confirmed bachelor.”
“Wrong. I’m a widower. A widower who’d never planned to marry again.”
She looked away from him and tried to stem the sick feeling swimming in her stomach and spreading up to her chest. Did he have any idea how that statement made her feel? He might as well have come out and bluntly stated the facts. The night they’d made love, he’d never thought about a future with her. She’d suspected it, but hadn’t wanted to admit it.
You knew that when you invited him into your bed, Kitty. Just because he’s saying it out loud and to your face doesn’t make it any more hurtful. So get over it.
“And I’m a single woman, who intends to stay that way—at least, until the baby gets a bit older.”
“Why?”
Jerking her gaze back to his face, she stared wondrously at him. “Because I …” Her voice trailed off as she tried to gather the right words, the best explanation she could possibly give without revealing too much of herself. “Okay, I’ll try to explain, Liam. When most women, including myself, dream of getting married it’s all about romance and love. Convenience or practicality doesn’t figure into things. If I can’t have the sort of marriage I want, I’d rather stay single.”
He shoved out a heavy breath as he carefully placed his fork next to his plate. Apparently, he’d lost his appetite, too, she thought sickly.
“I wish things were different, Kitty. For you and for me. But I’m fairly certain that you’re not a selfish woman. At least, I’ve never seen that side of you before. And once you think about this, you’ll realize that our baby takes priority over our own wants and needs.”
Tears were beginning to burn the back of her eyes and the hunger that had been gnawing earlier at her stomach had now completely vanished. He was right in so many ways. But that didn’t lessen the loss of her dreams and all that she’d ever hoped to have in her life. He was a practical man, not a romantic like her. He was viewing this whole issue with his head, while she was seeing it through her heart.
“I understand that we need to put the baby’s welfare first, Liam. Right now I just don’t see a marriage between us making anything better for this coming child.”
Grimacing, he reached for his cocktail glass and drained the last of its contents. “A child needs two parents,” he said as he placed the empty glass aside. “Parents who live together.”
Not like the Cartwrights, who’d divorced, then fought over their child in a cold courtroom, she thought. From the time Kitty had reached the age of six, she’d lived without a mother. Clearly, Liam was aware that her parents were divorced, but whether he knew she’d been raised solely by her father through all those tender years, she couldn’t say. She’d certainly never discussed such a personal matter with him. But for all she knew, her father could have confided in him.
“I guess you would know more about that than me. You have a big, united family,” she said quietly. “My parents divorced when I was six. And after that my mother was no longer a part of my life.”
A rueful grimace tightened his features. “I’m sorry, Kitty. Will said something to me once about his ex not being much of a mother. But I didn’t ask him to explain the remark. I don’t like people prying into my private life, so I respected your father’s privacy and kept the question to myself.”
She shook her head. “There’s not really much to explain. After my parents divorced Dad won custody of me. Francine went back to Georgia where she was from originally and began another life—without her daughter.”
He studied her face for long moments and Kitty hated the fact that tears were doing their best to form at the back of her eyes. Normally, she could speak about her mother without getting emotional. Over the years, she’d told herself it didn’t matter that her mother had practically forgotten she’d had a daughter. But being pregnant had left her soft and vulnerable, had left her wondering how any mother could simply walk away from her child.
“I see. Well, that ought to make you better understand how a child needs both parents—together,” he said finally.
Her stomach was tying itself into painful knots. “I agree that two parents in a loving home is the ideal setup for a child’s upbringing. But that’s not us. We’re friends. Who—well, just happened to have sex one night.”
She hoped she’d sounded as cool and practical as when he’d talked about never planning to marry again. Not for anything did she want him to know how besotted she was with him and had been for some time now.
He let out a long breath. “That’s true. And now we need to deal with an unexpected situation—in the best way possible.”
And the best way possible was for Kitty to marry a man who didn’t love her? Who didn’t really want to be married? The idea completely wiped away her appetite and she put down her fork, then dabbed a napkin to her lips.
“I’m sorry, Liam, I’m just not up to eating anything else. Would you mind taking me back to the hotel?”
He eyed her with open concern. “Are you feeling ill?”
“No. It’s nothing like that,” she quickly dismissed his question. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day and I don’t have to tell you that I have a lot to think about.”
She could see something like disappointment wash across his face, but he didn’t press her to stay and finish the meal. Instead, he said, “Of course. I’ll get the waiter to bring the check.”
Five minutes later they were back in Liam’s truck, traveling down the freeway to the hotel where she would be living during the Hollywood meet.
As he maneuvered through the heavy traffic, they didn’t speak, and as the silence between them stretched into awkward tension, Kitty felt even worse than she had at the restaurant.
“I’m sorry, Liam,” she said finally. “I’ve ruined your dinner.”
“You didn’t ruin anything. I had plenty to eat.”
“I wasn’t exactly thinking about your stomach.”
The grunt he made had her glancing over at him and she was relieved to see a groove of amusement creasing his cheek. At least he wasn’t thinking she needed to be taken directly to a psychiatrist’s couch for her mood swings.
“Lately I’ve had brothers and sisters having babies right and left. Pregnancy isn’t easy for you ladies or us men.”
He should know, Kitty thought. He’d already dealt with a pregnant wife. Only he didn’t have either wife or child now, she thought sadly. And suddenly she was wondering how far along his wife had been in her pregnancy when she’d been killed. As far as Kitty was now?
The question caused her hand to slip to the growing mound of her stomach. She loved this baby so much. So much.
“That stuff you were saying about our baby needing both parents—I know you’re right. I’m sure I would be a much better person if I’d had a mother around to balance my life.”
He kept his gaze on the traffic. “There’s nothing wrong with the person you are now.”
She sighed as she smoothed the fabric of her dress over her crossed knees. “I would have been different if my mother had stayed in the family. I seriously doubt I would be a racehorse trainer, spending my every waking hour at the barn or track. I’d probably be working at some office job and have a nice, neat boyfriend who wore chinos and loafers and played golf on the weekends.”
“That doesn’t sound like you at all.”
“I’d be screaming with boredom,” she admitted, then darted a glance at him. “When I was fourteen my father offered to let me go to Atlanta to live with my mother. He figured by then I was old enough to decide if I wanted something different in my life.”
“Did you go?”
“Only for short visits,” she admitted. “By then the bond with my mother was gone, ruined by the distance between us, I suppose. And horses already ran deep in my blood. I knew that when I grew up I wanted to be a successful trainer just like my father.”
A grin lifted one corner of his mouth. “And you are. You’re just much prettier than he was.”
Sad emptiness swept through her and she desperately fought to push it aside. She had to put the past behind her. She had to think ahead. Always ahead to the monumental tasks she was now facing.
“I have yet to prove how successful I am. As a daughter, well, I tried with my mother. But the two of us just never fit together. By the time I was eighteen we’d drifted apart completely.”
“What about now?”
“I rarely ever hear from her. She married a man who had two sons. They’re grown now and she and her husband travel most of the time. Whenever I do talk to her it’s like I’m visiting with a stranger. You know what I mean? Like when a distant relative suddenly calls or shows up and you don’t know them from Adam. But just because they’re located somewhere on your family tree you feel like there should be a connection and then you feel guilty when there’s not one.”
“Yeah. I’ve been there,” he said. “And I don’t want that to happen with our child. She or he is going to know the both of us. When it thinks of its parents, it’s going to think of us as a couple—a united family unit.”
If that could only be true in every sense of the word, Kitty thought. But theirs was hardly a normal relationship built on love and devotion. And it never would be. How could they ever hope to be a united family unit?
“You’re painting a nice, tidy picture, Liam. But you’ve not had time to think this all through. Whenever you do you’ll realize you can’t force something like that.”
He shot her a wry look. “Kitty, I have no intention of forcing you to marry me. You’ll either agree to become my wife or you won’t. It’s that simple.”
Neat and practical with everything black and white. Every particle in Kitty’s heart cringed from the very idea. But this wasn’t about her or her wants anymore, she told herself. There were three people involved in this. The most important being the baby presently growing in her womb.
He turned into the hotel parking lot, but rather than pull up to the front entrance, he found a parking space and cut the engine.
“I’ll walk you to your room,” he said.
She wanted to tell him that she didn’t need an escort. She wanted to remind him of what had happened the last time he’d walked her to her hotel room. But she kept all of that to herself as he skirted around the front of the truck and helped her to the ground.
The night had cooled considerably since they left the training barn. A breeze ruffled the fringe of hair on her forehead and she welcomed it. Being with Liam, having his hand on her arm had heated her whole body. As the doorman opened the glass partition and ushered them inside, she figured her cheeks were flushed a bright pink.
Once they stepped on the elevator, she gave him the floor number. After he punched it and they began to move upward, he stepped closer and studied her face. Beneath the dim glow overhead, his strong features were slightly shadowed and oh, so sexy.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Her gaze landed squarely on his lips and the urge to kiss him clawed at her, forcing her to swallow before she could speak. “Yes. Why do you ask?”
To her surprise his hand lifted and his fingers gently trailed across her forehead. The soft touch caused her breath to pause and she wondered how he would react if she closed the few inches of space between them and pressed her lips to his.
He said, “You look drained.”
She told herself to breathe and relax, but his nearness was making her crazy. She’d always wanted this man. And once she’d learned just how thrilling it was to be in his arms, she couldn’t forget. She wanted more of him. More than he clearly wanted to give.
“A woman doesn’t exactly get a marriage proposal every day.” Especially from a man of his stature, she could have added. A man who turned female heads as soon as he walked into a room.
A smile flickered ever so briefly on his face. “I didn’t stop to think that the thought of having me for a husband was that disturbing. Maybe I should have told you that I don’t snore, I pick up my own socks and I don’t need to control the TV remote.”
Rolling her eyes, she tried to match his teasing mood. Not for anything did she want him to learn that her heart had been invested in him for a long time now. It would only make him feel more obligated, more trapped.
“As if you watch TV,” she scoffed. “I suspect the only time you ever sit down is when you watch the replay of a race or a workout.”
The dimple at the side of his mouth deepened. “See, that’s why you’d never have to worry about having control of the remote.”
It wasn’t the remote that Kitty was concerned about; it was her heart and what this man might do to it if she gave him the chance.
The elevator came to a stomach-lurching stop and she unconsciously reached for Liam’s arm to steady herself. Quickly, he curled an arm around the back of her waist and as they stepped off the elevator she realized that his bracing touch, though unsettling, was a security that she needed.
For weeks now she’d been surrounded by family and friends, yet she’d felt lost and alone. With Liam near, part of that emptiness went away. And though she wouldn’t be loved by him, she’d definitely be taken care of. But was that enough for her? Would it ever be enough?
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Stella Bagwell
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: “The baby’s a Donovan – and so will you be. As soon as you become my wife.“Horse trainer Kitty Cartwright didn’t expect a romantic proposal…especially from the New Mexico rancher who was her business rival. She didn’t expect a proposal at all! But Kitty was having Liam Donovan’s baby. And now the daddy-to-be was insisting they make it legal. No child of Liam’s was going to be born without him around.The surprise was how quickly Kitty said “I do” – for the sake of the baby, of course. But with passion reigniting, this marriage of convenience was starting to feel an awful lot like the real thing. Was Liam ready to risk his heart? Because Kitty wasn’t settling for anything less.