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Healing the Lawman's Heart
Ruth Logan Herne


An Officer and a LadySingle mom Julia Harrison is the last person Tanner Reddington should get involved with. He's promised to stay away from all things baby. But the state trooper's protective instincts outweigh his misgivings when he meets the lovely midwife. Julia is opening a women's clinic in Kirkwood Lake, while raising two small boys on her own. Plagued by memories of the family he lost, Tanner fights the pull he feels toward Julia and her kids. But when an orphaned newborn brings Tanner and Julia together, they begin to consider their future…as husband and wife.







An Officer and a Lady

Single mom Julia Harrison is the last person Tanner Reddington should get involved with. He’s promised to stay away from all things baby. But the state trooper’s protective instincts outweigh his misgivings when he meets the lovely midwife. Julia is opening a women’s clinic in Kirkwood Lake, while raising two small boys on her own. Plagued by memories of the family he lost, Tanner fights the pull he feels toward Julia and her kids. But when an orphaned newborn brings Tanner and Julia together, they begin to consider their future…as husband and wife.


“Let me help.”

His hands took the key from hers and he slid it into the lock with careful deliberation. But it wasn’t the key that had Julia’s attention. It was the feel of his leather jacket beneath her cheek…the scent of sawdust…the rugged shoulders, sheltering her from the late-winter wind.

Hope stole over her. She tried to fight the emotion, but couldn’t. It began in his gentle, strong manner and was nurtured by his serious gaze and his bright smile. He’d seemed downright prickly last week, but she saw none of that now.

But you did see it, so don’t be fooled. People aren’t always what they seem.

The key turned easily when Tanner tugged the door their way. He finished locking it, dropped the key into her hand, then tipped his gaze down from over her shoulder. “We’re good.”

His words reminded her of old dreams, gone awry. A home, filled with children and a set of loving parents. Was she shortsighted to think the dream could still exist?


Multipublished, bestselling author RUTH LOGAN HERNE loves God, her country, her family, dogs, chocolate and coffee! Married to a very patient man, she lives in an old farmhouse in upstate New York and thinks possums should leave the cat food alone and snakes should always live outside. There are no exceptions to either rule! Visit Ruthy at ruthloganherne.com (http://ruthloganherne.com).


Healing the

Lawman’s Heart

Ruth Logan Herne






www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)


And I will betroth you to me forever. I will

betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice,

in steadfast love and in mercy.

—Hosea 2:19


To Angela and Kim, two amazing and wonderful women… God is good all the time. Men, on the other hand, are a work in progress. And to all who’ve kissed a sweet child’s brow goodbye too soon… May God hold you in the palm of His hand as you heal.


Contents

Cover (#udf7e6638-89a1-589a-a940-d2865c89eb7f)

Back Cover Text (#ua3e79eba-1783-5d93-92b0-1f06d25c0ca8)

Introduction (#ucdd9be1a-cec2-5aaa-a364-c902da1563cb)

About the Author (#ue979a869-1e19-5b7d-8969-6797afe29d5f)

Title Page (#u9eaed782-6dab-51e2-82b9-2b77d55472af)

Bible Verse (#ufb1565db-f21f-5fff-b771-3a17c7f8cdbb)

Dedication (#ua76570a0-b589-5a21-b23c-0dc982737534)

Chapter One (#u18b81331-2272-5212-809e-3b81b3713f0a)

Chapter Two (#u5eb8234d-688b-5ee1-bcc1-0c7ad5019fd4)

Chapter Three (#uf2f51b16-179e-5200-b2a2-ccbaa09bd381)

Chapter Four (#u8737cd68-fe74-5e47-b928-a958c26849e0)

Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)

Dear Reader (#litres_trial_promo)

Extract (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)


Chapter One (#ulink_ccc6cbbf-bc9a-5415-81fa-56058a155b1e)

New York state trooper Tanner Reddington scanned the sketchy neighborhood with a practiced eye. All was calm at present, but after a dozen years on the force, Tanner was no stranger to life’s quick changes.

A winter storm warning had advised local businesses to shut down for the day. Most had heeded the warning, but scattered bright windows said not everyone had closed up, despite the harsh conditions about to descend on Western New York.

Typical, thought Tanner as he sipped his coffee. When he burned his tongue, he scolded himself and pushed to keep his mind on his work. Normally, that wasn’t a big deal. Tanner lived his job.

But with the first days of March looming?

The next few days were always tough, a face-to-face reckoning with anniversaries he couldn’t forget. And then the calendar mercifully flipped and time moved on.

Lights shut off south of him as a short stretch of shops called it a day.

There were always a few that stayed open till the last possible moment, then made a bad situation worse by trying to get home in rough winter conditions. Today’s storm would be no exception, but as he scanned the interstate entrance to his left, the low volume of traffic said a lot of folks had paid attention this time.

His peripheral vision caught something out of place. He swiveled in the driver’s seat, sure he’d seen a blink of light that hadn’t been there minutes before. He scanned the thin gray light of late afternoon to determine what he saw.

Nothing seemed out of place.

Focused, he set his coffee down and studied a group of buildings just south of the above-grade interstate entrance.

Another blink of light pinpointed the action. But what was it? And why was it coming from that vacant building?

He put the cruiser into Drive and headed toward the decrepit structure. Other than a long-established shoe shop run by an eccentric but knowledgeable distance runner, the neglected strip mall had sat empty for several years.

Cops hated empty buildings. Empty buildings offered shelter for shady characters and an opportunity for foolish kids to create trouble. This scruffy stretch of decay had been slated for demolition twice. Both times, legal mumbo jumbo got in the way. Last he heard, some do-gooder had bought it for back taxes, promising the world.

That was months ago, and so far, nothing had changed. Tanner reported his location and his intention, knew backup was on the way, and slipped into the parking lot at the far end by the shoe store.

A lone car sat parked in front of the north-facing vacant building. He ran the plate and came up with the name of a rental car agency.

Which meant whoever was inside didn’t want to be traced.

Trooper Zach Harrison pulled up alongside Tanner less than two minutes later. “What have we got?”

“That.” Tanner pointed toward the messed-up building and just as he did, the bob of light shone from inside again.

“Car?” Zach jutted his chin toward the late model Chevy standing alone outside the building.

“Rented.”

“Of course.”

Tanner pulled his cruiser around to the front, tucked it into the corner and climbed out. Zach followed suit.

As they drew close to the ratty storefront on the end, Tanner put his hand over his weapon, ready to defend himself. He nodded to Zach.

Zach took flank and Tanner rapped hard on the door.

The light flicked off, plunging the interior into darkness.

“New York State Troopers. Open up!”

Nothing.

Which meant whoever was inside was either scared...or dangerous. Tanner tried the door.

Locked.

He motioned to Zach.

Zach nodded, started to move forward, then paused. He reached into his pocket, withdrew his phone, dropped his head back and sighed. “Julia, it’s me. Get out here. Now.”

The light blinked on inside, and this time it stayed on.

A key turned in the lock of the scuffed-up door. Tanner took a step back as the door swung his way.

Julia—whoever she was—stepped out.

Beautiful.

Blond hair pinned up, great eyes, glasses tucked up into the hair and a look on her face that said she might be ready to kill someone. “You big lug. You scared me to death. What’s the matter with you, coming looking for me like this? Is everything all right? Are the boys okay? Is it Dad? Or Jackson?” She clamped a hand on Zach’s arm with a grip that said she wasn’t afraid to take care of herself. “What’s happened, Zach?”

“Him.”

She turned Tanner’s way as if just noticing him. “You?”

“The light.” Tanner motioned toward the building interior. “You were flashing a light around and I came over to investigate. Zach’s my backup.”

“So...” She drew the word out and looked up at Zach. “Nothing’s wrong at home?”

“Not a thing.”

Zach looked a little too pleased to be throwing Tanner to the wolves...

In this case a very pretty wolf.

“Do you mind telling us what you were doing in this building?” Tanner asked.

She took her time shifting her attention from Zach to Tanner. “Because?”

“This building’s been empty a long time. And there’s a no-trespassing sign right there.” He pointed just beyond Zach as he moved out of the way so she could see the sign.

She saw it, all right. She walked right past them, and despite the cold, harsh wind, she reached up, grabbed the card-stock sign and yanked it down, then tossed it into the wastebasket fastened to the corner post of the building.

“Julia.”

Zach rolled his eyes, but he grinned, too, as if he thought her antics were funny. He turned to Tanner and waved as she moved back inside. “Tanner, my sister, Julia. Julia, this is Tanner Reddington. And stop giving him the evil eye. He’s one of the good guys.”

“He was ready to shoot me,” she protested, scowling. “Don’t you guys have something better to do than bother a woman when she’s trying to measure her new work space?”

New work space?

Tanner looked at her, then the grungy interior. “You’re putting a store in here? Really? You must have some serious money you’re willing to throw away. If that’s your goal—” he raised his hands as if shrugging off the whole affair “—then this is the perfect investment property. I can’t think of a worse place for a—”

She didn’t let him finish. Instead, she thrust her cell phone into his hand with the flashlight turned on. “A clinic, actually. Here. Hold this. We’ll need light, and with you and Zach here I can get this done and get home.”

Bossy and quick, two things he disliked in a woman. “This is nuts. The storm’s going to hit any minute.”

“I’ve been called worse.” She made Zach hold one end of a measuring tape, then walked the other end to about half the length of the building. “Eighteen feet by thirty-five feet.”

“Am I supposed to remember this?” Zach asked.

She brightened immediately. “Perfect, yes! Thank you. And now back here.” She moved farther back into the shadows and counted off space, then had Zach help measure while Tanner stood still, the beam aimed in their direction. She nodded, called out two more numbers to Zach and moved back up front. “You guys packing flashlights?”

Tanner withdrew his weapon and turned the flashlight on.

Julia eyed the gun-and-flashlight combo and whistled. “That’s some serious flashlight equipment right there.”

It was, and the attached light was sometimes a cop’s best friend.

She took her phone back and jotted numbers before tucking it away. “That’s it.”

“For what?”

“If we get snowed in, I can sketch a floor plan over the next two days. Without the numbers, I’d be making assumptions.”

“You know there’s a storm about to hit us?”

“Hence, my need for speed.” Her cool look said her reasoning was obvious and he was crazy.

Her quick dismissal made him want to read her the riot act about safety and good choices, similar to the one he dished out to the junior high health class a few days ago.

“What’s with the rental car, Jules?” Zach moved toward the door, aiming his gun-mounted flashlight ahead so they could see their way out.

“My SUV got rear-ended by a drug salesman in a hurry to get home before the weather turned foul. It’s going to be in the shop for a week at least.”

“Were you in it?” Concern laced Zach’s question as Julia turned the key, then tested the door to make sure it locked.

“Nope, it was parked, but he did a number on it.”

“You know this sedan drives different on snow and ice,” Zach reminded her as they stepped outside. “Don’t expect it to respond the same way as your SUV.”

“I won’t.” She turned to face them while the brisk wind whipped tiny snowflakes through her upswept hair. “I’m heading straight home, and I’ll go slow, although now that it’s snowing, I’m missing my Forester big-time.”

“Just be careful. And who are you getting to do the work here?” Zach asked, and when she answered his question with a pert smile, he scowled. “I was afraid of that. You do know I have a wife and toddler at home, right?”

“Piper offered to help, actually, while Lucia watches Jack. She loves projects like this.”

“And what exactly is this project?” Tanner asked as he and Zach made sure her car started all right. “A clinic, you said?”

Her happy answer made him want to turn tail and run, hard and fast.

And not look back.

“A pregnancy center for the poor. We’ll service folks who’ve slipped through the cracks or who’ve fallen on hard times, or just don’t have the means to get things done. We hope to open within a month as long as we can get the setup work done. And while this doesn’t look pretty now—” she jutted her chin toward the scruffy strip mall “—we can tackle the outside in the spring. For right now, clean and safe prenatal care is the plan.”

Something rose high in Tanner’s throat. His heart, maybe?

He’d made it a point to stay away from anything to do with pregnancy and women these past three years. He avoided hospital detail as if it were the plague, he never sat near people with kids—or those expecting babies—anywhere. Ever.

He didn’t need reminders of what he’d lost. It was there, every day, in the empty bed he used to share with a beautiful woman. His life, his love, his partner in all things. The extra bedrooms in the sprawling ranch home he’d finally sold over two years ago, his attempt to physically erase brick-and-mortar memories.

Julia gave him an odd look, as if wondering what he was thinking, but then she waved, turned on the engine and headed toward the parking lot exit.

Zach moved to his car. “Hey. It’s cold and snowing. Why are you standing there? Let’s go grab food at The Pelican’s Nest and we can monitor calls from there.”

Tanner didn’t want food. He didn’t want to pretend this was okay.

A pregnancy center, stuck in a boarded-up strip mall, right in the middle of his patrol zone.

He waved Zach off as he climbed into his cruiser. “Not hungry, but thanks. I’ll go back to my watch spot near the entrance ramp. That way I’m close if anything goes down at this end of the lake.”

Zach gave him a thumbs-up and shut his car door.

Tanner climbed in more slowly.

An hour ago he’d been sitting peacefully, watching conditions worsen, hoping for a quiet night. Now?

He couldn’t get Ashley and baby Solomon out of his mind. In less than twenty-four hours, he’d lost his wife and his premature baby boy, tiny and sweet, born too soon.

His heart ached.

He thought he was managing fairly well. Most days he did all right, but the three-year anniversaries were looming.

He moved his cruiser back into position and stared at the low-slung buildings across the two-lane road.

You’ll be fine, his conscience assured him. You’ve done okay,it’s time to move on.

Tanner hated those words. Lame reassurances from people who hadn’t suffered his kind of loss made him want to punch something. He kept a gym membership for that very reason.

Sadness welled within him, but the sorrow had an angry side. A side that railed at God, at medicine, at the timing that changed his life while he’d sat powerless to help.

Ashley gone. Their baby gone. Life alone.

A call on the radio made him pull himself together. A car had gone off the road, just north of the Kirkwood Lake exit. He pulled out of his parking spot, cruised across the lake-spanning highway and headed for the snow-clogged ramp.

Twin headlights stared off to the east, illuminating chunks of ice along the nearby shore.

The car had spun off the bottom of the ramp. Tanner eased around the corner and idled the cruiser, lights flashing. Pulling his hat and gloves on, he hurried across the quickly deepening snow, his flashlight aimed ahead.

The bright beam outlined a silver Chevy that looked familiar. And inside, watching him, was Zach Harrison’s sister, Julia.

He tried to wrench her door open. Nothing happened.

She stared up at him, her gaze trusting.

“Can you open the window, Julia?” He shouted the words over the rush of wind.

She shook her head.

He tried to circle the car, but the passenger side was tipped down into the snow, lodged against the embankment. No access there.

He came around front again and called Zach’s phone. Julia’s brother answered right away. “Julia’s had an accident, she’s trapped, she’s not in danger, doesn’t appear to be badly hurt, but I need her cell phone number. I can’t talk to her through the window, the storm’s too loud. And then get over here, we’re at Exit 8, northbound on Lower Lake Road.”

Zach rattled off the number. Tanner heard him hit the siren before he disconnected, and the sound of an approaching ambulance or rescue vehicle told Tanner help was on the way.

He dialed her number and waggled his cell phone for her to see.

She looked startled when her phone rang, groped for it, then shook her head, dismayed.

She can’t find the phone.

He tried again, hoping the ring tone would help her locate the cell. This time she zeroed in on the noise, stretched, and when she sat back up, the look of triumph on her face said she had the phone.

Yes.

He dialed again and she answered quickly. “I’m stuck.”

The nonstressed tone of her voice said he wasn’t dealing with a typical accident victim, and the look she sent his way, an almost comical look of pleading, said she’d wait for him to rescue her without hysterics.

He liked that.

“Make sure your locks are disengaged from inside.”

“I did that. Everything’s unlocked. Or should be.”

“Try again. Electrical systems can get whacked in an accident.”

He saw her hit the button to disengage the locks. She frowned at the door and hit the button again. “It’s not responding.”

She glared at the console, firmed her chin and stabbed the unlock button with vengeance.

Click.

Tanner caught her smile of success. He spoke into the phone but kept his gaze trained on hers to make sure she understood. “I’m going to climb on top and pull the door. Gravity and the wind will fight me. Are you trapped or can you move to climb out?”

“I can move.”

“Okay, when I pull the door, you push it up as hard as you can from inside. Okay?”

“Roger that.”

“We don’t use radio talk on phones, Julia,” he teased, wanting to match her mood. “Every newbie knows that.”

“I’m taking it under advisement,” she told him. “Umm, I think you should hang up the phone now and rescue me.”

“Agreed.”

He climbed up the front of the car, moved into position, then reached down and gripped the door handle. He squeezed hard and pulled.

The wind fought him.

The almost upright angle and weight of the door made his task difficult under good conditions. In frigid temps, it was almost impossible.

He wanted her out of the car and in a warm, safe place, fast.

The door moved up.

He clenched tight, bracing himself, because if he lost his grip while Julia climbed out and the door slammed back down, he could seriously hurt her.

He heard a voice, and then he saw gloved fingers, grasping the back side of the driver’s door frame. First one hand, then two.

A wind gust buffeted him, jerking him to the left. His foot slipped on a slick spot, but he held tight. Come on, Julia, grab hold. Climb out. Hang on.

An arm followed. And then the second arm, grabbing hold of the back door handle, pulling hard.

Her head appeared, then disappeared for long, slow seconds.

That meant something wasn’t right. A caught leg, a foot turned wrong.

She disappeared back into the car while Tanner struggled to hold the door open.

The hands appeared again. Then the head, her blond hair whipping in the wind.

This time she made it through the opening, onto the car and slid down into the snow, free.

He let the door down easy, not wanting to rock the car over, then slid down into the snow next to her.

“You’re hurt.” He stood quickly, hauled her up and pulled her toward his car.

She tried to say something, but the storm stole her words. He tucked her into the front seat of the warm cruiser, circled around and climbed in next to her as the rescue vehicle came into view. He paused, letting heat seep into both of them. “Let me see your face.”

“Scratched, banged and bruised, but otherwise unscathed,” she assured him, but he reached over, grasped her chin gently and turned her face his way.

* * *

He’s got gorgeous gray eyes.The kind a girl could get lost in if she had a mind to. Fortunately, I have no such desire.

Hat-matted, snow-flecked hair. Was it dark? Light? She couldn’t tell because the dampness made it look dark in the uneven light of the police cruiser.

Square-jawed. Fierce, almost taut features, but as he examined her for damage, the look in his eyes said this warrior had a soft side he hid well.

And that was a relief, because she’d come close to giving him a good, swift kick back in the future pregnancy center.

His broad hands were chilled but gentle. His gaze probed her eyes, and for just a moment she wondered what it would be like to have Trooper Tanner locking eyes with her when he wasn’t searching for signs of concussion.

“Headache?”

She shook her head, then shrugged. “Well. A little.”

“This hurt much?” He touched the side of her face with the pad of his thumb.

“Ouch. Bruised, I expect.”

“Oh, yeah. You’re gonna have a nice shiner with that one.” His smile offered sympathy tinged with sarcasm, a kind of fun mix. “And this?” He sent a light touch over her left eyebrow and seemed happy when she didn’t react.

“Should I ask how I look?” She made a face, and he responded with an overdone cringe as if afraid to tell her. She dropped her head back and sighed. “That bad?”

“Two bangs and a bruise. Not too bad. But wrecking two cars in one day? I’m glad I don’t have to pay your insurance, Julia.”

“The other one wasn’t my fault,” she protested. “Parked, I tell you. No way can you pin that one on me.”

“And this one?” Tanner slid his gaze to the upended car in front of them.

She sighed out loud. “That one’s all me.” She started to make a face, but wrinkling the muscles made her temple bruise hurt more so she stopped. “And Zach’s going to have a field day because he warned me to handle the car differently.”

“Yup.”

“Do you have siblings, Tanner?”

“One sister. Neda. She lives in Erie. Just far enough away that she can’t remind me of the dumb things I do too often.”

As the ambulance crew reached the car, Julia grimaced. “My advice? Keep it that way.” She shot a look of chagrin toward Zach’s approaching car and winked at Tanner. “Because I’m never going to live this down.”


Chapter Two (#ulink_0a48deff-2637-5e19-8b64-0106a2d95e99)

“I do believe I said no when asked about going to the emergency room.” Julia frowned at her watch, then at her brother an hour later. “I have two kids and an overgrown puppy waiting for me at Dad’s. And I’m on call for the next forty-eight hours.”

“Protocol says head wounds get looked at.” Zach aimed one of those brotherly looks her way, the kind that should get him smacked except she was too tired to put up much of a fight. “And you’re not on call anymore. I called Dr. Salinas. She’s taking calls tonight to give you time to rest.”

“You what?” Julia lifted her brows, surprised. “You can’t have her do that. She’s got a lot on her plate right now. I’m fi—”

“You’re not fine,” Tanner reminded her. He scanned her face with a mix of sympathy and amusement. “Although I have to hand it to you, you’re one tough cookie. And no driving for twenty-four hours. You heard the doctor. How were you expecting to answer calls?”

Great. Just what she needed. Another bossy cop, and he wasn’t even related to her.

She was determined to be patient because like it or not, they would be working in the same area, and Julia knew it was way better to have the police on her side. “The doctor didn’t mean it.”

“I did mean it.” The ER doc strode back into the room, handed Julia a container of pain meds, then faced her. “I had them fill this upstairs because the local drugstores are closed due to the storm. Use them if you need them, Julia.” His tone and expression said he doubted she would, but should. “I wasn’t messing around. No driving for the next twenty-four hours. Go home and rest.”

She frowned as she slid off the examining table. Zach held out her coat. She shrugged into it, then turned and stuck her hand out to Tanner. “Thank you for the rescue. I appreciate it. Seeing your lights come across that overpass made me real happy.”

The sympathy in his gaze deepened. “Anytime.”

“Don’t say that,” Zach warned. “She’s going to be working under your nose in that new clinic, and Julia’s not afraid to lasso people into helping her. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Reddington.”

“I never do.” The promise in his voice pulled Julia’s attention up to his eyes. “Call me if you need me, okay?”

Tenderness. Kindness. Warmth. All in a to-die-for package, and when he smiled down at her, the tingle of her palms had nothing to do with a concussion and everything to do with attraction, which couldn’t, wouldn’t and shouldn’t happen. She had a mission to accomplish and despite how broad-shouldered and good-looking Tanner Reddington was, she’d read his dismay back at the clinic. He didn’t want her there, and she’d washed her hands of negative men after her ex-husband cheated on her for the second time.

She pulled back, blinked the emotion away and smiled at Zach. “Are you my ride home?”

Zach’s radio cued him. He listened, responded and hooked a thumb toward Tanner. “I’ve got a call across the lake. Tanner, can you get Julia home?”

* * *

Tanner saw a shadow of reluctance in Julia’s gaze. About riding with him? Going home? He had no idea, but the quick look surprised him. “Glad to. Where’s home?”

“I’m on Upper Lake Road, just beyond the Lodge.”

Tanner pulled out his hat and gloves, realized Julia had left hers in his cruiser, and handed them to her. “I’ll pull my SUV up to the ER entrance so you don’t have to walk out in the snow. But wear these until you get to the car because the windchill is wicked.”

“But—”

He ignored her protests as he strode into the storm. Five minutes later, he was at the ER door, waiting for her. She climbed in quickly, set his hat and gloves on the space between them, and settled into the seat.

She looked exhausted.

And pretty, despite the banged-up face. The way she sat back, as if allowing herself time to relax didn’t happen often, told him Julia Harrison looked after others first, and then maybe took time for herself.

“So, Julia, what do you do, exactly?”

“I’m a midwife and women’s health practitioner.”

Tanner’s fingers tightened around the wheel.

“Our practice was awarded a state grant recently,” she went on. “We bought the strip mall location about eight months back. Now we have the approvals in place to get it ready. Once the cleanup work is complete, we’ll set up three exam rooms, a waiting room and reception area—”

“With bulletproof glass,” he muttered as he made the turn onto Upper Lake Road.

“It’s a tough area,” she acknowledged, “but I think you run a risk anytime you set up an outreach like this. It didn’t stop Mother Teresa, and it didn’t stop Jesus.” She shrugged. “I like to think this clinic will reflect James’s teaching in the Bible. He said faith without works is dead. And while I love our practice, a lot of women don’t have the money or insurance to come to our main office, or they shy away because they’re afraid they don’t fit in. This way, they don’t have to do without needed care. And the area isn’t as bad as you make out,” she added with a pointed look in his direction.

“No?” He wouldn’t argue with her because she was fresh out of the hospital, but the lower end of Kirkwood Lake bordered some tough areas of Clearwater. Still, everyone deserved medical care. He believed that. But the thought of a pregnancy center, run by a midwife, right under his nose...

Was this God’s idea of a joke? Considering his loss, it felt more like a stab in the back to have Julia Harrison and her health care ideas parked in front of him.

“I think people will be pleased by the idea of medical care at the interstate entrance,” she continued. “That way we’re only a few minutes’ drive for folks in the hills...”

The rural poor of northern Appalachia was a documented fact, a problem that had existed for generations.

“And the people who’ve fallen on hard times in Clearwater are close, too.”

“Plenty of those, unfortunately. The loss of jobs messed up a lot of folks.”

“It did.” Julia puffed out a breath of air, then turned his way. “But I’ve always felt that each step we take toward making things better has some good effect. Even if we don’t see it.”

Was she right?

Tanner wasn’t so certain. Was that because of his work, his past? Or was he a negative jerk who always looked at the dark side because he’d been surrounded by that kind of environment as a child? Lately, he wasn’t sure. “You’re an optimist.”

“I hope so.” She motioned up ahead. “That’s my place on the left, with the red reflectors at the bottom of the driveway.” He made the turn up the snow-filled drive, pulled to a stop and she climbed out before he had a chance to get out and open her door.

Her actions said she liked her independence. Five hours ago he might have considered those undesirable qualities in a woman, but seeing how calmly she reacted to the scene at the clinic, then the accident and the hospital—

Maybe a strong, independent woman wasn’t a bad thing.

She quirked a grin his way and gave him a quick salute as she grabbed her purse and medical bag, the only things they’d retrieved from her rental car. “Thank you again. I’m sure proximity will mean we see more of each other, and I’m going to hope for two things.”

“And they are?”

“First, less snow and ice.” She made a face into the driving storm. “And second, if I do run into that trouble you’re expecting, you and my brother are around to save me. Again.”

Tanner knew that sector as well as anyone. Trouble would find her, no question. Would he be hanging close by to make regular runs to a pregnancy center?

Most likely not, but he didn’t need to share that at the moment. “Get inside. Get warm. And good luck finding someone to rent you another car.”

She laughed as she dashed up the rest of the driveway and through the garage door.

Lights clicked on inside, behind pulled-back lace curtains.

He considered that as he backed around to pull out of her sloped driveway.

He wouldn’t have tagged her as a lace curtain girl. As he drove south toward the interstate, he wondered what else he might have gotten wrong about Julia Harrison.

He pulled into the barracks lot, parked and went inside to complete required paperwork and file his report before he headed home. He didn’t want to think about babies and midwives, old dreams and harsh reality. He wanted justice and explanations.

But right now, he wanted a good night’s sleep. Restless dreams messed that up. Convoluted images of children and families floated through his brain. Each year he dreaded the double anniversaries. The day he lost his wife, and the day after, when his son took his last breath.

The shift commander called him late morning. “Johnson’s out with flu. Can I put you in for an extra afternoon shift today and an overnight tomorrow?”

“Absolutely.” He didn’t say he’d longed for a call like this. Only the commander in Jamison knew his history, and Alex Steele wasn’t the kind to betray a confidence. But Alex could empathize because he knew what it meant to bury a wife. “I’ll be there by two.”

The work respite pushed him into gear. He’d made it a habit to follow up on accident victims, which meant a quick call to Zach’s sister. Mixed emotions rose as he dialed her number on his way to his car. Julia the person was intriguing in multiple ways.

Julia the midwife? Not so much. But that was his problem, not hers. She answered on the second ring. “Julia Harrison.”

“It’s Tanner Reddington, Julia. I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing today.”

“Before or after the tree fell on my house during last night’s storm?”

He stopped walking, certain he’d misunderstood. “What?”

“A tree. Fell on my house.”

Was she serious? “Are you okay?”

“Fine. But my house isn’t looking all that good right now.”

“What happened?” Thoughts of her in danger made his pulse speed up. “Are you sure you’re not hurt?”

“No, I’m fine, really. The tree hit one end of the house and I was in the other. But it will be boarded up for weeks while they do repairs, so I’m staying at my dad’s with my two little boys and a somewhat ill-mannered and huge puppy. They’re having the time of their lives helping on the farm. The boys, not the dog. He’s not exactly mature enough to be farm friendly.”

“I’m glad you weren’t hurt.”

“Even though I’m building a clinic in the middle of the ‘hood’?”

“I wouldn’t call it the ‘hood,’ but it’s not what we’d call a welcoming neighborhood, either.”

“Rehabilitation starts one step at a time,” she replied. “And even if we only help save one baby, one woman, it’s a job well done.”

One baby. One woman.

His belly clenched.

She made it all seem possible, and maybe it was, but then why did he have to face the impossible? His lawyer had emailed him that they needed a conference call to talk about the malpractice suit he’d filed two years before. He’d ignored the message because talking about settlements and money on the anniversaries of his losses made him cringe.

He couldn’t utter a rational response. Not around the lump in his throat. He muttered a goodbye to Julia, gathered his things and went to a coffee shop to spend the next ninety minutes alone. With old rock music playing in the background, and folks coming in and out, he could bask in obscurity until he showed up at work. Mercifully, working would help him through the next forty-eight hours.

A call to back up Zach Harrison on a possible breaking and entering case came midway through his shift. He drove toward the lower east side of Kirkwood Lake just after dusk.

He pulled up to the address, spotted Zach’s cruiser off to the side and rolled to a stop alongside him. He lowered his window so they could talk without radios. “What have you got?”

“B and E, two kids, a possible third, looting side-by-side merchants.”

“You want front or back?”

“I’ll take front. Chalmers should be right along.”

“They know they’ve been spotted?”

Zach shook his head. “I’m blocked by the trees. A neighbor in the upstairs apartment over the nail salon called it in. And it’s dark now, so they’re less likely to see us.”

Chalmers pulled up then, and the three men eased out of their SUVs. Tanner circled left while Chalmers joined Zach as they approached the front of the building. Zach stopped, waited for Tanner to make it around back, then yelled, “New York State Troopers! Come out with your hands up!”

They came out, but not with the intention of getting caught. Two darted out the back, straight at Tanner. He raised his hands. “Stop. Now.”

One kid did. The other dodged right, then the first one thought that might be a good idea, and darted left. Tanner pinned him against the wall while talking to Zach and Chalmers through his radio. “One suspect heading east, about five-eight, leather jacket, clean-shaven, tight blue jeans, black boots.”

Zach’s voice came through the radio. “I’ve got visual.”

The next thing Tanner heard was a dash, then a scuffle, followed by a moan of pain. Zach was in trouble. He half dragged his cuffed perp around the front of the building, then groaned.

Zach lay sprawled in hip-deep snow. Chalmers had both youths lying on the ground, his weapon drawn as he barked a request for an ambulance into the radio. And from the look of Zach’s lower leg, his ankle went one way and the leg went the other.

Julia Harrison was going to kill Tanner for not protecting her brother. And he wouldn’t blame her one bit.

She rushed into the ER twenty minutes later with Zach’s wife, Piper, and a big, broad man that must be Zach’s father, Marty. He was taller than Julia, with the same blond hair, and he threw a frustrated look at Zach. “First her.” He jerked a thumb at Julia. “Now you. I assumed this whole parenthood thing got easier once you grew up. Clearly I was mistaken.”

“Are you okay?” Julia asked while Piper grabbed hold of Zach and burst into tears.

Zach sent his father a questioning look because anyone who knew Piper McKinney Harrison knew she didn’t cry. Ever.

Marty Harrison made a face, surprised.

Julia shrugged. “Don’t look at me. I figured it was just an ankle and not a bullet, but then I’m hard-hearted.”

“Compared to Piper?” Tanner scratched the back of his head. “No one’s tougher than Piper, are they?”

Julia started to speak, then paused.

Zach winced in pain, then caught her look. “Piper? Are you...? I mean, are we expecting again?”

“Yes.” She nodded against his chest, and Tanner’s gut did a weird little twist when Zach’s hand tightened protectively over his wife’s neck. “I was going to tell you tonight, I had it all planned and it was going to be very romantic—”

“Seems it already was,” noted Julia. Her easy humor made Tanner feel better, but for a guy who avoided pregnancy and children purposely, he’d been unexpectedly bombarded by both for the past twenty-four hours.

“And then they called and said you were hurt,” Piper continued, “and the first thing I thought was you were shot.”

“But I wasn’t.”

“Well, you could have been,” she insisted.

“Only if Tanner shot me. Or Chalmers. Unfortunately I was bested by a decorative rock path buried under a monumental snowdrift. I went one way. My foot went the other.”

“How bad is it?” Julia asked. She lifted the blanket, grimaced and set the woven throw back down gingerly. “Oh, that’ll need an operation, bro. When is that expected to happen?”

A doctor strode into the room. “Right now. We just called in an ortho specialist. I’m Dr. Laramie, hey, wait.” He stared at Tanner, then Julia, then Zach. “Didn’t I see you Three Musketeers in here last night?”

“Guilty as charged,” Tanner admitted. “Last night it was her fault.” He pointed Julia’s way and ignored her little squawk of protest. “This one’s on me.”

“It’s on a rock path and a snowstorm and three brats who wanted to steal old folks’ pensions to support a drug habit.” Zach held Piper’s hand between two of his and stared at Tanner. “You had two-on-one at the back. You did what you needed to do. I tripped, plain and simple.”

Tanner couldn’t let it go that easily. “If he’d come around the other way, you’d have been clear and there’d be no injury. Now you’re busted, your wife’s expecting and you won’t be around to back me up for six—”

“Eight,” said Zach’s father.

Julia scoffed. “Ten, minimal.”

“Twelve weeks, most likely,” the doctor advised cheerfully. He held up an X-ray. “This snazzy black-and-white photo of your bones shows multiple breaks that are going to be surgically repaired by installing some pretty inventive hardware in your ankle. The nuts and bolts will hold things together as they heal, but the tough part isn’t the four breaks in the bone.”

“It’s not?” Zach asked.

“Soft tissue damage,” the doctor reported. “That’s why we’re looking at twice the healing time. Tendons and ligaments grow slowly, so you’ll be spending the entire spring out of commission.”

Zach looked like someone just kicked him in the teeth, and Tanner knew just how he felt. Twelve weeks of immobility?

A killer.

Zach turned toward his sister. “Julia. The clinic.” His face darkened. “Oh, man. You were counting on me, and you need to have that work done on time for the grant money to be disbursed.”

She waved his concern off as if it was nothing, and that garnered Tanner’s respect because Zach had explained that if the work didn’t get done, the grant money went to someone else.

“You think you’re indispensable or something?” Julia shrugged as if this wasn’t a big deal, but Tanner knew better. “We’ll get someone else to help us get the clinic ready for business.”

“I know what your budget’s like and you were counting on me,” Zach lamented. “And we can’t have Piper working in a zone that might have asbestos. Jules, really, I’m so sorry.”

“I’ll help” Tanner offered. It was the last thing he wanted to do, to be caught in a work zone with midwives and doctors and pregnant women, but they should be done with the work before too many young mothers came around. “I’m decent with a hammer and I like fixing things. And it’s not bragging to say I’m better than your brother.”

Zach started to protest, but Tanner stopped him. “Save your breath. If I’d been between the kids and that alley, the second kid wouldn’t have gone that way and you’d be doing paperwork right now. As it is, Chalmers is doing paperwork and I’m...” He took a deep breath. “Going to help build walls for a women’s health clinic in a crime-riddled strip mall.”

“Not necessary,” Julia said coolly. “But thank you. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of help, and didn’t we confirm last night that accidents happen to everyone? No one’s fault, then or now.” Her expression said she didn’t need his help or like his attitude. But he knew what he needed to do.

“I will help, it’s useless to argue,” Tanner offered mildly. “And who’s got your boys and little Jackson if you’re all here?”

“My mother.” Piper kissed Zach’s cheek as the doctor returned with papers to sign. “She’s having the time of her life, and she can’t wait to be a grandma again.”

Tanner had had enough talk of babies and clinics. He’d been so happy to get the call-in today, glad to push thoughts of this anniversary aside, but that was hard when pregnancy chatter surrounded him. He took a step backward. “Zach, I’m heading out to help Chalmers. I’ll do whatever you need, and again, I’m sorry, man.”

Zach waved him off. Tanner started to head toward Julia, but her expression said their conversation was over.

It wasn’t over, it had barely begun, and he had every intention of helping with her women’s health center. Why it had to be in his patrol area was a quirk of fate he didn’t need, but out of his control.

He strode out the door, determined. Like it or not, Zach had gotten hurt because he’d messed up. Now he’d help pick up the slack his mistake had caused. Whether Julia liked it or not.


Chapter Three (#ulink_7d9e9c3e-c543-5705-870d-66778f50d010)

Julia stopped by her house on the way home from the hospital. The emergency enclosure firm had battened down the hatches and the firefighters had removed the tree and secured the electric lines, but it would be weeks before her house was habitable. She hurried upstairs, grabbed clothing and toiletries she’d need for herself and the boys, then saw the message light flashing on her landline as she descended the stairs.

She hit the message code. The unexpected tones of her ex-husband’s voice made her chest ache. “Ignoring me, Julia? Doing what you do best, hiding your head in the sand to avoid reality? Well here’s the deal, Martin and Connor are my kids as much as yours, and if I have to go to a judge to enforce my visitation rights, I’ll do it. Don’t make me bring you to court, Julia. Call me and set up a time for me to have my sons. We’ll meet somewhere in the middle.”

Julia’s heart froze solid, the phone in her hand.

Meet in the middle?

Did Vic expect her to drive halfway to Ithaca and hand Martin and Connor over to him after he’d spent the past two years ignoring them?

Not gonna happen.

Ice pulsed through her veins as she smacked down the phone. The sound of his voice was antagonistic, and condescending, as if distancing herself from his affairs was an over-reaction on her part.

She paced the long living room, examining her options.

Vic had visitation rights, but he’d never bothered to use them. He’d shrugged off her moving to Kirkwood Lake two years ago, and other than the infrequent child support checks, he’d stayed out of their lives.

Until now.

Why now?

She didn’t have a clue. Her head hurt but she wasn’t about to take one of those pain pills and cloud her thinking.

The phone rang.

She jumped, stared at the caller ID and heaved a sigh of relief when her father’s number flashed. “Hey, Dad.”

“Hey yourself. You okay? I thought you just had to grab a few things. Need me to come around that way?”

“No, but thanks. I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine, Jules.” Her father wasn’t the kind of guy anyone fooled for long. “You sound like you’re ready to pop someone in the jaw.”

Her father knew her well.

“Is your head hurting? Do you need me to drive you back here?”

“No, nothing like that.” She paused, then blew out a breath. “Vic called.”

Marty Harrison growled. “He hasn’t contacted you in over a year.”

“Almost eighteen months, and that was to explain why he couldn’t take the boys for their two-week summer visit because he was too busy finishing up his course work to become a school administrator.”

“I remember. What does he want?”

“He wants the boys over spring break. And he says he wants his one weekend a month like the court promised.”

“Now? After all this time? Why?”

Julia had no answers. Only more questions. “I don’t know.”

Her father breathed deeply, then offered typical Marty Harrison wisdom. “Well, we know he wants something. Vic is nothing if not predictable, but there’s no sense worrying about it tonight. You need to sleep and we’ll tackle this tomorrow. Let him stew on it overnight, Jules.”

“Which means we both stew on it.”

“Trials of parenthood, honey. No one said it would be easy.”

True, but then no one warned her that her good-looking, high school teacher husband would stray outside their marriage. Call her naive, but being raised in the Harrison house, good men didn’t do things like that. Which meant she’d either placed her trust foolishly...

Put a check in the yes column on that one!

Or she wasn’t as slim or attractive as she’d been when they dated nine years before.

Another check in the yes column, with a helping of self-recrimination poured on top, like chocolate glaze on a doughnut.

“And stop beating yourself up, Julia. That’s not how I raised you.”

“My spunk’s on low tonight, Dad. It’s been a rough forty-eight hours.”

“You escaped two car wrecks and a falling tree with nothing more than a couple of cuts, bruises and bangs. Pretty positive result in my book, kid.”

She laughed because he was absolutely right. “Two of which were not my fault, of course.”

“And neither was the broken marriage,” Marty told her bluntly. “We’ll figure this out in the morning. I love you, honey.”

“Love you back. I’ll be at your place in a few minutes.”

She hung up and stared at boarded up wall in front of her.

Broken and battered. Her heart had felt like that wall when she’d realized Vic had cheated for the second time.

Was she unlovable? Not pretty enough? Not thin enough? Gone too much? What did these other women have that she didn’t?

Why does it have to be about you? Why can’t it be about him? Maybe some guys are just jerks?

Rational argument said Vic Gentry was a two-timing jerk. But in the cold light of day, her heart knew what her head denied: he hadn’t just turned to others.

He’d turned away from her. And she wasn’t at all sure she wasn’t somewhat to blame for that.

* * *

“Oh. ’Scuse me!”

A miniature version of Julia’s blue eyes under a mop of blond curls met Tanner’s eyes as they collided at Zach’s side door the next afternoon. “Whoa. I gotcha, bud.”

“Connor? Are you okay?” Julia’s voice called from somewhere inside Zach’s house.

The little boy rolled his eyes. “I’m fine! I’m going to see if Beansy’s friend had her babies yet.”

“Go across lots, not around the road.”

“Mom, I know all this stuff. I’m five! I’m not a baby.”

“Didn’t say you were, and—” Julia stopped as she got to the side door, looking surprised to see him. “Tanner. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were here.”

“Julia.” He nodded toward the kid. “Yours?”

“On good days.” She grinned at the boy and laid her hand on top of his head. “Be good for Grandpa, okay?”

“Grandpa and me work together on weekends.” He pulled a knit hat down on his head and stood as tall and straight as a kid could while he addressed Tanner. “He’s teaching me everything about farming.”

“I expect he’s mighty pleased to have a helper like you around,” Tanner said.

“Two helpers.” Connor shoved his feet into old-fashioned rubber farm boots. “Martin’s already over there, checking on the mommy goat, but I had to practice my reading words. Which was kinda dumb because I knew them all already.” He darted a dark glance at his mother, a look she ignored completely. He raced out the door, then stopped and stuck out a little hand in Tanner’s direction.

“I’m Connor.”

“My name’s Tanner. Nice to meet you.”

“Do you like goats?”

“More than life itself,” Tanner replied with a quick side smile toward Julia.

Connor leaned in as if sharing a very big secret. “We’re going to have baby goats soon. And baby goats are called kids just like kids are called kids.”

Tanner offered the boy an exaggerated look of surprise, as if Connor’s revelation was truly amazing.

“And they’re going to get born, like, any day now. Maybe even today.” He gave Julia a miffed look. “My mom delivers babies but she says Daisy is better having her babies on her own because goats know how to do those kind of things. Do you think they do?”

He shrugged. “It makes sense, I guess.”

“Well, I hope so because I’ve been waiting for these babies a very long time.” Connor’s serious expression mirrored his words. “Every day I pray and pray for these babies, and she hasn’t had them yet.”

“Animals have been giving birth forever.” Julia’s calm tone said nature would prevail. “I expect Miss Daisy will be fine, Connor. And if there’s an emergency, I can be on call, okay?”

“Except she’s all alone at night,” the boy muttered as he pushed out the door. “So I don’t know who’s going to take care of her then and I know Grandpa’d let us bring her in the basement. Just until.”

“God will take care of her,” Julia suggested as if God could be counted on for everything.

Tanner knew better.

The boy’s scowl said he sided with Tanner. The door banged shut behind him as Julia stepped aside. “The patient awaits. Zach was excited that you were coming over.”

“You’re on nursing duty today?”

“Well, he’s out of my area of expertise, but I figured whining’s whining and he’s not all that different than the five-year-old that just scolded me on his way out the door.”

“I’m not whining.” Zach made a face as they walked into the living room. “I’m too drugged up to whine properly. Give it a week.”

“I can hardly wait.” Julia stage-whispered the words. “I can disappear and give you guys time to visit if you’ve got sensitive cop stuff you need to discuss.”

“We don’t, but thanks. Tanner, you want coffee? Tea? Piper made a pitcher of tea this morning because the long winter is getting on her nerves.”

“I’m sure it has nothing to do with the grumbling husband stuck in the living room.” Julia grinned at him from across the room and added, “I kind of love that you’re trapped. How mean is that? I can sling sisterly barbs in your direction and you’re pretty much helpless.”

Zach glowered at her, but Tanner saw the sparkle in his eyes as well, a look that said he loved his sister.

Tanner loved his sister, too. He and Neda did everything together as kids, and he’d even walked her down the aisle at her wedding. But now he shied away from her because she had two little ones. He was missing a lot of life in his self-imposed cocoon.

“Tanner. You told me you have a sister, right?” Zach asked.

“I did say that.”

“Is she a pain in the neck?”

“Definitely.”

“Does she bake you brownies with walnuts and chocolate chips?” Julia brought a plate over and set it on the small table they’d rigged next to Zach’s recliner. “And bring you the latest Sudoku puzzles to keep your mind sharp while you while away the next few months? And did she or did she not give you a gift subscription to Netflix?”

“Once I’m awake enough to watch anything, I’ll thank you.” Zach gave her a tired smile. “You know I’m grateful. Just a little grumpy and medicated.”

“Blah, blah, blah.” She leaned over and kissed Zach’s forehead, winked at Tanner and started to leave, but Zach called her back.

“Julia, sit a minute. I want to hear your plans for the clinic, and with Tanner helping—”

“Not necessary, but again, thank you for offering.” She shot a bright smile at Tanner, but he wasn’t about to be sloughed off. Helping out was something he wanted and needed to do, for his own peace of mind.

“I’m good for grunt work.” He said it mildly but made sure she knew he wasn’t about to budge. “So what’s the configuration you took to the town for approval?”

She looked trapped.

Good.

He might hate the idea of having a pregnancy center there. But he wasn’t against health care, so he’d swallow his personal misgivings and man up.

“A small reception area with about a dozen seats around the perimeter. Then a short hall with an exam room on either side, and one at the base of the hall.”

“T-shaped formation.”

“Yes. And an alcove for weigh-ins, drawing blood, entering notes into the system.”

“System?”

She nodded. “The grant covers a computer system that’s integrated with the main computer at the home office. We’ll be able to enter data from both sites.”

“Will the computers be locked up at night?”

She frowned.

“To thwart things like what happened four blocks away when Zach got hurt.” He indicated Zach with a glance. “Visible equipment makes you an easier target for thieves.”

“They’ll be built in, actually.”

“Hardwired?” Zach asked.

She stared at him blankly. “What does that mean?”

Zach laughed without thinking, then grimaced in pain. “That means built right into the electrical system. No plugs.”

“Yes. I’m sorry, I thought you realized, but we upgraded right after Jack was born so you haven’t seen the new computers. And these machines wouldn’t do anyone any good, actually.” She brought her attention back to Tanner. “They’re not meant for anything other than entering and transferring patient records, so why would anyone want to steal them?”

“First, you’re giving thieves way more credit for brains than most of them deserve,” Tanner told her. “And second, on the black market, everything has a price and a buyer, if for nothing else than to hold information hostage.”

“Why would anyone do that?”

Zach and Tanner spoke in unison. “Money.”

She pressed her lips together as reality hit home. “I guess that’s a risk we have to take.”

“Not if you go old-school and use paper at the clinic, then have someone update at the main office each day.”

“Who has time for that?” Julia directed the question to Zach but stared at Tanner.

“That’s what a lot of practices did until a few years ago,” he reminded. “I’m not telling you how to do your job, Julia, but I’m looking at this from a police perspective. Out of sight is always better. Lessen the temptation, you avoid the crime.”

“So we have to either hire a data input person to transfer files at the main office each day or risk a B and E”?

“If you have part-time personnel, couldn’t they tack an extra five hours onto their weekly schedule to upload daily information?”

Now she looked interested. “You know, that might work, Tanner. We have a couple of people who might benefit from those five extra hours. And if we didn’t have to expand the integrated system, we could use the money for something else.”

“Everyone’s happy that way.” Tanner reached for a brownie. “Would you care to join me in a celebratory brownie?”

She eyed the plate, then shook her head. “I’m going to pass.” She stood, glanced at her watch and said, “Actually, Zach, I’m going to head to the gym as long as Tanner’s here and the boys are with Dad. Call my cell if you need anything. Tanner, are you okay here for half an hour, give or take?”

He hoisted the tray of brownies. “Preseason baseball on cable and these. We’re good.”

She grabbed her purse, gave the brownies one last look and started for the door.

“When do we start demolition?”

“Soon, but I have to check Dad’s schedule.”

He made a “call me” sign with his right hand. The move made her laugh, but it wasn’t hard to see the shadows in her eyes. She left and he turned to Zach. “Does she hate me?”

“Julia doesn’t hate anyone, not even her stupid ex-husband who cheated on her, made her feel like dirt, and ignored his kids for over two years and now expects her to jump through hoops so he can visit them.”

Tanner held up a hand. “I’m going to stop asking you questions because the meds have unhinged your tongue and your sister might kill you for telling me all that.”

“All what?”

Zach looked confused, which meant the meds were doing a number on him. Tanner grabbed the remote, turned on a preseason Pittsburgh game and settled into the wide-armed chair with the tray of brownies close. “Baseball it is, my friend.”

But Zach’s words ignited a curl of sympathy wrapped around a thread of anger. What kind of idiot cheated on a beautiful woman like Julia and ignored his kids? The thought of a father dismissing his children frustrated him. He’d never had the chance to carry, rock or play with baby Solomon.

A tiny part of him wondered, for just a moment, if maybe Sol and Ashley were together in heaven. If maybe, just maybe, she was holding their son in her arms, and whispering stories about his dad on Earth.

He shoved the sentimental thoughts away, but as he did, a cardinal lit on the tree outside Zach’s front window. The red bird danced, waved a wing, then danced on the branch again.

Beauty in everyday things.

Ashley had talked about that all the time, and he thought she was being cute and fanciful, but right now, seeing the bird, imagining Sol tucked in Ashley’s arms made it almost seem possible.

The game came on and when he glanced back up, the cardinal was gone.

For a moment he’d felt hopeful, as if there might be more to this life than he believed.

But that was probably nonsense, whereas baseball was real, so he concentrated on team rivalries because he understood that.

Life and faith, intertwined? Not so much.

* * *

Sixty minutes of exercise did nothing but make Julia hungrier.

She’d ignored the brownies.

She’d turned away from the fresh hoagie bread her father brought home from the McKinney Dairy Farm store, baked daily by an Amish woman over on County Road 4.

She’d grabbed a pack of fresh veggies, told herself that cucumbers were the new chocolate, but it was no use. She needed coffee, good coffee, and she needed it now. The best place to find that was at Tina’s Corner Café. The popular gathering spot was now tucked into an expanded corner of The Pelican’s Nest, a family owned restaurant on the shores of Kirkwood Lake. No way was she going back home without a proper caffeine fix and maybe some girl talk. Knowing she was going to be working side by side with a grumpy cop and trying to analyze Vic’s moves made the company of other women essential.

She walked through the door, smiled at Tina, looked at Tina’s aunt Laura and promptly burst into tears.

“Julia! Sweetie, what is it?” Laura wrapped her arms around Julia and hugged her close. “Are you okay? Are the boys okay? Is it Zach? Or your father?”

Julia shook her head, tried to talk, failed miserably, then sighed when Tina handed over a fistful of tissues. “Men.” Tina muttered the word with typical Martinelli emphasis. “Can’t live with ’em. Can’t shoot ’em.”

“Which of course would be a dreadful sin,” added Laura, “but if some wretched man has broken your heart, honey, I’m not afraid to help make his life miserable, and I’ll do it in the most sincere manner a Sunday-school teaching woman can employ and stay right with God.”

Julia burst out laughing. The thought of sweet, mild-mannered Laura D’Allesandro taking up Julia’s cause sounded real good right now. “I’ll be fine, and yes, it’s a man. How did you know?” she asked, and Tina just rolled her eyes.

“Let’s just say I used to be familiar with the symptoms. Before Max, that is.” She smiled when she mentioned her husband’s name. “I’ve kissed a few frogs in my time.”

“Kiss a few toads, sweep our share of ashes,” Laura exclaimed with a quick swipe of a washcloth to the empty tables.

“But you didn’t marry the frogs,” Julia reminded Tina. “You waited for the prince to come along.”

Tina’s expression said otherwise. “I was engaged to one and almost engaged to the other. So pretty close, darling.”

“You’re among friends, now tell us. What’s going on?” Laura asked. “You’re never upset, you’re the most even-keeled, optimistic person I know. This has got to be really nasty to have you this riled up.”

“Coffee, first,” Tina inserted. “I think a caramel macchiato would be just right.”

Julia glanced up at the calorie board and hesitated.

Tina groaned.

Laura sighed. “Don’t tell me a pretty thing like you is worried about her weight? Because I’ll just fall down laughing.”

“And I’ll join her, and then there’ll be no one to make your coffee,” Tina continued. She reached out and grabbed Julia’s hands as Julia sank onto a counter stool. “I don’t know the story, but I’m going to guess he cheated on you and you’re trying to figure out why.”

Julia stared at her. “How did you know that?”

“Because women tend to assume it’s our fault first.” Tina moved back behind the counter and started building Julia’s drink. “We see their cheating as the result of our lack, instead of their choice to stray.”

“Which is ridiculous, of course,” Laura chimed in. “What does God tell us about women in Proverbs 31? That a woman opens her hands to the poor and reaches out to the needy. That she works for her family, and provides for them? I don’t recall seeing anything about being a size six, Julia. Or trying to reform ourselves to win affection. Shouldn’t we be loved as God loves us? For ourselves?”

“It’s wonderful in theory.” Julia smiled at Tina when she set the steaming caramel coffee in front of her. “Unfortunately reality says something different these days.”

“My dose of today’s reality is to head to work.”

The sound of Tanner’s voice made all three ladies turn as he came around the corner from the main restaurant dining area.

Laura smiled. Clearly familiar with Tanner’s tastes, Tina called a greeting, grabbed a large to-go coffee cup and moved to the espresso machine.

Julia was glad she hadn’t been griping about Tanner when he walked in. She met his eyes as he approached the coffee counter. “Thanks for hanging with Zach this afternoon.”

“Piper’s stepmother came over to make sure he was doing okay. He drifted in and out of sleep the whole time I was there, which meant I could cheer for the Pirates and no one reamed me out. I found it oddly disappointing.”

“You’ll be safe for a while because he’ll be on heavy-duty pain meds for days.” Julia sipped her coffee, glad she hadn’t insisted on the plain black version. This amazing concoction was so much better. Or maybe it was her proximity to this puzzling man with soft but tough gray eyes. “But he’ll be glad you came by, Tanner.”

Tina extended his coffee across the curved wooden coffee bar and waved off his money. “You know better, even though you’re not at this end of the lake all that often,” she teased. “Coffee for cops is on the house.”

“You just want me to be nice to Max, since he’s new on the force.”

“After ten years of military special ops, I can assure you that Max Campbell has plenty of tricks up his sleeve,” Tina told him, “so I’d be careful treating him like a normal probie. Just a word to the wise.”

“I got to work with him last month.” Tanner raised his coffee cup in salute. “And he did okay. For a military guy.”

Tina laughed. “I won’t tell him you said so because I know how the loyalty game plays out. But just so you know, he spoke well of you, too.”

Tanner grinned. He turned back toward Julia. “According to your father, I’ll see you Tuesday night. Six o’clock. Your place.”

He aimed a smile at the two women behind Julia, then walked out. Julia read their expressions, and put up her hands. “It’s not what you think, even though he’s funny, gentle, sensitive and wretchedly good-looking.”

“It should be.” Laura exchanged a look with Tina, a look that said Tanner Reddington was positively swoon-worthy. “Oh, honey, I promise you. It should be.”

“I have enough on my plate right now.” Julia watched Tanner as he crossed the parking lot. Tall, square-shouldered and decisive, he looked as good from behind as he did from the front, but something in his reticence tripped mental red flags. She switched her attention back to the women. “For the moment I’m trying to figure out what my ex-husband is up to all of a sudden. There is no time in the world for that. Unfortunately.” She waved toward the door Tanner had just closed.

“Mmm-hmm.” Laura’s knowing smile said she wasn’t buying it. Tina’s said the same.

For a moment, Julia wondered if that gleam in Tanner’s eye went deeper than gentle amusement. Was he interested in her?

Of course not. He was always one step shy of rude during their conversations, and what she absolutely, positively did not want, ever again, was to have to prove herself to a man, because Laura was right. God’s command to man was to cherish women, to love them as he loved the church.

She’d lived that failure once. She never wanted to face that outcome again.


Chapter Four (#ulink_34173bb2-363e-540c-b19b-8659c3db50ff)

Tanner steered his car off of Main Street and onto Lower Lake Road.

Two years of silence.

Zach’s careless remark had been on his mind for over an hour. A beautiful woman, smart and funny, unafraid to joke around. Two kids. What kind of man walked away from that? Or ignored his kids?

It wasn’t his business. But the idea of someone ignoring their kids made him want to pummel something. For three long years he’d asked himself what he could have done differently.

Insisting that Ashley see a regular obstetrician instead of a midwife might have been a good start.

He knew that. He’d had misgivings from the beginning. He’d wanted a full-fledged doctor, the best available. Wouldn’t that have been the most sensible option? But Ashley had been so sure in her choices, so caught up in the research of natural methods. Would a different medical professional have seen signs of trouble before it had gone too far?

He didn’t know, but old regrets speared deep.

His cell phone interrupted his thoughts.

“Tanner, it’s Captain Steele. How’re you doing?”

Had the Troop A boss remembered the anniversary of his wife’s death, with all he had to do and oversee? Appreciation eased the weight on his chest. “Okay. Counting the hours. Breathing.”

Alex Steele’s voice deepened. “I know. I remember. You working today?”

“Got called in. Yesterday and today, so that’s better than sitting home. Pretending to be busy.”

“I intend to keep you busier,” Alex said. “We’re forming a collaborative task force to address the burglaries and increased drug use in your sector of Clearwater. You’re familiar with the neighborhoods and the people. We’ll be working with the Clearwater police and the sheriff’s office. You want in?”

“Absolutely, especially if it helps us get a lockdown on juvenile crime. It’s been an epidemic lately.”

“I want to jump on this so we have a head start before the weather gets nice,” Alex told him. “I’ll be in touch.”

“Thanks, Captain.”

“No thanks needed. A great record and clean arrests earned you the spot. And, Reddington?”

“Yes?”

“You’re on my prayer list. Hang in there.”

Tanner had no clue what to say to that, but the captain hung up before he needed to respond.

Prayer list?

Yeah, right. Good luck with that. He drove past several nice-looking churches, purposely ignored them, and headed for the southern tip of the lake.

He and his sister, Neda, had been used as pawns between his parents for years. No matter how much he prayed as a kid, nothing got better in the back-and-forth of court dates, custody battles and child support hearings.

He’d learned to stand on his own two feet and avoid drama. And if he’d ever wondered about the essence of God, the humility of faith as an adult?

It all went by the wayside when Ashley and little Solomon breathed their last breaths. Lingering thoughts and doubts vanished. He’d face the world alone, like he’d been doing for a very long time. He was okay with that.

* * *

Julia saw Tanner’s name in her phone display that evening. Her pulse jumped, because why would he be calling her now? Maybe the gals at the café were right. Maybe— “Tanner. Hi. What’s up?”

His reply pretty much dashed Laura’s and Tina’s notions like waves on the eastern shore. “I’ve got a Tuesday night work conflict that just came up, so I was wondering if we could do teardown on Wednesday evening instead?”

A work conflict that came up on Sunday? What were the odds of that? So much for thinking she saw a glimmer of interest back at the café. “No worries. Dad and I will charge in on Tuesday as planned and you take care of things at work.”

He sighed, a king-size one tinged with amusement, and she almost found herself smiling. “I’m not ditching you. We’ve got a new task force forming and the initial meeting has been scheduled for Tuesday night, so if you know anything about my commander or my job, when they say jump? I jump. So could we possibly move the demolition of the current interior walls to Wednesday night? Because I intend to be there.”

“I’m on call Wednesday evening, one of the doctors is manning the Wednesday night crew, so we can’t. And like I said, we should be fine, Tanner. There’s no reason for you to feel guilty. We’ve got this.”

Silent moments stretched between them. She could picture those deep gray eyes reading between the lines, quietly assessing the situation. “Then I’ll catch the next round of work,” he said.

“Perfect.” Arguing with him would be rude, and they could use his help. Being stubborn about his initial reaction wasn’t in the clinic’s best interests. And the fact that he was being nicer about the whole endeavor was a plus. Yes, she’d let her imagination get the better of her, thinking he was calling for more personal reasons. Her problem, not his.

“Dad and Luke Campbell will be there Thursday morning. I’ve got an early appointment, but then I’ll be there later in the day.”

“Luke, the deputy sheriff?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll join their crew, then.”

“All right.” She hung up just as Martin and Connor burst through the side door.

“No babies yet!” Connor announced as he kicked one boot left and the other boot right. “Grandpa looked at her and said it might be a while before they come, but that Rosalita was going to have her calf tonight and if it wasn’t too late, I could go out to the barn and see it.”

“Because we can’t be up late with school tomorrow.” Martin hung his coat up, put his boots by the fire and grabbed a cookie. “I want to make sure I get to bed on time so I don’t feel tired in the morning.”

Her boys were polar opposites. Connor exploded onto every scene, ready to jump in, ignoring danger, laughing in the face of adversity.

Seven-year-old Martin quietly surveyed life from a distance, assessed everything around him, and then made a well-thought-out decision with as little risk as he could find. Some days they got along. Others? Not so much.

“Connor, put your boots where they belong, please.”

He rolled his eyes, waited until she asked him a second time, then made an elaborate show of stowing the boots, a task that could have been completed in under ten seconds if he’d avoided the drama. Connor thrived on drama, as long as he was the one causing it.

Martin picked up his e-reader, curled up in the corner of Grandpa’s reclining love seat and started to read.

Connor raced to the lower level, pulled out train tracks and construction worker toys, and built the noisiest city he could fit between Marty’s furniture.

Martin went on reading, oblivious.

They were like night and day, but Martin had been especially sensitive to his father’s abandonment. Was that his nature or simply because he was older and more aware? How would they handle this new development? How could she make it better for them?

First, she had to talk to Vic calmly and rationally. Then she’d throw something.

With God, all things are possible.

She knew that. Believed it. But she’d witnessed medical emergencies that defied the odds and went bad. She’d seen behavior unbecoming of God’s people. She’d treated victims of violence with no explanation of why humans could do such things to one another.

She believed in God, and she was determined to pull her strength from him, but the actions of men were more questionable. Her job was to help her boys grow up as best she could. And pray. But first she’d have to call Vic to see what they could work out.

Once the boys were asleep, she took the phone upstairs. Her hope that he wouldn’t answer and she could leave a message was dashed at his quick hello.

“Vic, it’s Julia.”

“Well, it’s about time. You got a new number.”

She wasn’t about to launch into an explanation of why she was calling from her father’s phone. “The old one still works but we had some storm damage so I’m using this one for now.”

“Did you get my letter?”

The question surprised her. “No.”

“Tomorrow, then. My attorney advised me to send a registered letter to show my intent, which means if you don’t show up with the boys, you’re in contempt of the visitation agreement. It seemed prudent when I didn’t hear from you.”

Impatient. Cryptic to the point of rude. Old feelings rushed back. He’d always wanted the upper hand. It was his way or the highway. Why hadn’t she seen that sooner?

“Don’t you think it would be better to reintroduce yourself to the boys a little at a time?” she suggested. “Call them. Do a face-to-face computer chat with them. Talk to them. Martin remembers you but Connor only knows you from your picture on their wall. I think that would be better for them, Vic. Don’t you?”

He let her know in harsh words that he had court-appointed rights. “And furthermore,” he reamed her, “I’m not the one that moved three hours away. That was all you, Julia, so just the idea that I’m required to meet you halfway ticks me off. I shouldn’t have to step foot out my door, but now I’ll spend an entire evening driving across the state and back. So don’t talk to me about easy. You gave that all up when you moved so far away.”

“Just looking to manage crowd control,” she answered smoothly. “I didn’t need our boys running into any of your ex-girlfriends when half the town knew what was going on. Making their life less awkward was the goal.”

“Babying them is more like it, which is exactly your style. It’s a good thing I made sure we stopped at two because I guarantee that’s all you could handle.”

His words fired a direct shot on her heart. She’d lost their first baby, a tiny girl, miscarried midway through the pregnancy. The devastating loss left a hollow ache in its wake, wondering what her daughter would have been like. Would she like dancing or prefer soccer? Would she sing off-key like Grandpa or join the choir? She would never know these things about her, gone so quickly. Never cuddled, never rocked, never nurtured at her mother’s breast.

And then Vic announced after Connor’s birth that he’d gone through surgery to prevent more children without consulting her. He’d decided two kids were plenty, and her dreams of having a little girl someday disappeared. She choked back a heated response, knowing he wanted to make her angry, but refusing him that satisfaction. “This call isn’t about my parenting. It’s about compromise.”




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