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Reunited with the Cowboy
Carolyne Aarsen
Second Chance at LoveHeather Bannister is back in Montana for her sister's wedding. But returning to Refuge Ranch brings her face-to-face with a past best forgotten–including high school sweetheart John Argall. Now a single dad, John simply wants to provide for his daughter's future. And Heather's reappearance may be an obstacle to his plans to buy into her family's ranch. Yet when Heather agrees to babysit his sweet little girl, the old feelings come flooding back. And John realizes that Heather may have left town years ago, but his love for her has endured. Could this be their second chance at a future together?Refuge Ranch: Where a Montana family comes home to love.


Second Chance at Love
Heather Bannister is back in Montana for her sister’s wedding. But returning to Refuge Ranch brings her face-to-face with a past best forgotten—including high school sweetheart John Argall. Now a single dad, John simply wants to provide for his daughter’s future. And Heather’s reappearance may be an obstacle to his plans to buy into her family’s ranch. Yet when Heather agrees to babysit his sweet little girl, the old feelings come flooding back. And John realizes that Heather may have left town years ago, but his love for her has endured. Could this be their second chance at a future together?

Refuge Ranch: Where a Montana family comes home to love.
“It’s just a scrape. I’ll wash up when we’re done.”
She gave him a quick smile, dirt still speckling her cheeks, loose tendrils of damp hair hanging around her face.
In that moment he remembered the Heather he used to hang out with. The Heather who used to race madly around the barrels he and Lee set up. The Heather who would help build tree forts and go riding out in the hills.
The Heather he had so easily fallen in love with. He felt a resurgence of the old yearning she could create in him, a crack in the defenses he had spent so long building up against her.
He spun away, irritated with himself and his reaction. He was supposed to be immune to her. Years ago, Heather had chosen Mitch and a lifestyle that had taken her far away from Refuge Ranch. Far away from him. They were on completely different paths now.
Yet, even as his words kept time with his pounding heart, he couldn’t stop another glance back at her over his shoulder.
CAROLYNE AARSEN and her husband, Richard, live on a small ranch in northern Alberta, where they have raised four children and numerous foster children and are still raising cattle. Carolyne crafts her stories in an office with a large west-facing window, through which she can watch the changing seasons while struggling to make her words obey.
Reunited
with the Cowboy
Carolyne Aarsen


www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
See, I have engraved you in the palms
of my hands. Your walls are ever before me.
—Isaiah 49:16
For Lula Gelderman, faithful and steadfast.
Contents
Cover (#u94ac51e3-5107-515c-a70b-78033d8a9703)
Back Cover Text (#u0ad1ecc1-9318-5bc8-846a-2d3d5915fa35)
Introduction (#ufa1f525c-85cc-5ea7-9a87-dfea06c2603d)
About the Author (#u5100729e-a4ff-57b0-919f-332862e99307)
Title Page (#u1b73b129-2f7b-59b2-8be9-0ada682951d4)
Bible Verse (#u04ef0f57-2ae1-5006-9ed7-c6aeb2348b37)
Dedication (#u7c87c2b3-f0d2-563f-b3c6-21ca0a1cc81e)
Chapter One (#ulink_40077462-5ca5-5e3a-9680-e66bc46fb5bf)
Chapter Two (#ulink_93358661-d0d9-53ef-b400-1792db380e27)
Chapter Three (#ulink_e6c9604d-4a8f-5758-895c-5c3c8679d36a)
Chapter Four (#ulink_f1d13875-5b52-5016-aebd-33e9d4affdd5)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Dear Reader (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One (#ulink_d65cb648-bee0-5430-9d0a-0e13237adeef)
She saw the truck a split second too late.
The snow swirling up from her tires and the sun shining directly in her eyes blinded Heather Bannister as she crested the hill. The pickup was coming right at her and there was nowhere to go.
So she did what any self-respecting country girl would.
She swerved, then stepped on the gas.
The back end of her car fishtailed on the icy patches of gravel as she fought to get it away from the truck, praying her tires would grab something. Anything.
She caught a glimpse of a panicked face behind the wheel of the pickup as her tires spun on the road. A half second before she would have been hit, she gained enough traction to move her car past the vehicle, missing it by mere inches.
And sending her directly toward the ditch. This time Heather slammed her foot on the brake and madly turned the steering wheel.
But with a crash and a heavy thud, the side of her car slammed into the bank of old spring snow. The impact spun her around, so that the front of her vehicle plowed into the bank.
Dazed and confused, Heather sat without moving for a moment, the whine of her engine and the ringing in her ears the only sounds she heard.
A heavy ache radiated from her shoulder, across her chest and up her neck, surprising in its intensity. For a stunned moment Heather wondered if the airbag had even done its job, but it lay deflated across her lap, proof that it had, in fact, deployed.
Hands still clenched around the steering wheel, she sucked in another breath and coughed on an exhalation. Her arms shook and her legs felt suddenly rubbery.
She had come within inches of a serious accident.
Her heartbeat thundered in her ears as reaction set in. Her legs were trembling now, adrenaline being replaced by a chill coursing through her body as her mind called up images of twisted steel and horrible injuries.
She shook the thoughts off. She couldn’t allow herself to think of what-ifs. She hadn’t hit the truck head-on. She had avoided a collision that would have had far worse consequences.
As she laid her head back on the headrest, trying to pull herself together, tattered prayers fluttered through her mind.
Thank You, Lord. Forgive me, Lord.
The same feeble petitions she had sent heavenward for the past few years. That was all she’d been capable of in the aftermath of the mess that was her married life with her ex-husband, Mitch.
An insistent banging on her door made her jump, adding to the piercing pain in Heather’s head.
“You okay in there?”
The muffled voice outside the car and the continued thumping made her wince again as she painstakingly found the clip for the seat belt, then released it. But when she tried to open the door, it wouldn’t budge.
She didn’t need this, she thought, allowing herself a moment of self-pity. Stuck in the ditch only five miles from home, with a cell phone that was out of juice and some stranger banging on the window.
Then she pulled herself together. City life may have softened her, her ex-husband may have tried to beat her down, but this wasn’t her first rodeo. She was Montana born and bred, and had once been a championship barrel racer. She had been thrown off horses, chased by ornery cows and she’d raced across rodeo arenas on an out-of-control horse. As her father always said, you can take the girl out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the girl.
So she took a deep breath, turned in her seat, lifted her booted foot and gave the door a mighty kick.
Heather wished she had her sturdy riding boots on instead of these flimsy, high-heeled ones. But she created an opening and, grabbing her purse, slithered through it.
Her first step was onto the icy snow, and she would have stumbled forward had not the man outside her car caught her by the arm.
She found her balance, then looked up at her would-be rescuer.
And her heart plunged.
John Argall.
Son of the Bannisters’ foreman and the man she had broken up with to move to New York. One of the people she had most dreaded seeing on her return to Refuge Ranch.
His blue eyes, fringed by thick lashes, stared down at her. “Hello, stranger,” he said, but his voice, usually warm and friendly, was as cold as the snow under her feet.
Not that she blamed him. She was the one who had broken up with him. Who had ignored his warnings about Mitch and his big plans. Heather could have saved herself a world of hurt and regret had she listened to him. Had she not impulsively chased after what she’d thought would solve her problem.
Just like her biological mother always did.
“Hello, John,” was all Heather could say, pushing the traitorous thought back. She hadn’t returned to Refuge Ranch to indulge in might-have-beens. She was here only to help plan a bridal shower for her sister, Keira—an event Heather wouldn’t be able to attend. She was off to Seattle to interview for an important job. A step in a new direction. Her debts were finally paid, her obligations fulfilled and she was ready to start a future on her own, free from any ties or romantic entanglements. She had made enough bad decisions the past few years; she was ready to look ahead.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Better than my car.”
“Good to know, but you’re right about your vehicle.” He turned back to her car, buried up to the hood in the snowdrift. “Why don’t you get into my truck and warm up while I find a tow rope?”
“I can help,” she said, lifting her chin, her tone holding a defiant edge. Anger had been her defense the past few years; she deployed it now.
His eyes grazed over her knee-high boots, short skirt and thin wool jacket with its pleats and tiny buttons. She knew the designer clothes were more suited for the fashion runway than Montana spring weather, but they were the only type of clothes she had after years of living in New York. “You’ll just fall in those heels,” he said, with a deprecating tone that stung. “Besides, I wouldn’t mind if you would check on my daughter, Adana. She’s in the truck all by herself.”
Heather couldn’t stop the clench in her stomach as she looked back at John’s truck, parked to one side of the road. The engine was still running, exhaust wreathing around the cab. Through the fogged-up window she could see a little girl sitting in a car seat. From the occasional notes and texts from her family, she had heard about John’s marriage to her old friend Sandy, and the birth of his little girl, two years ago, two days before Sandy died of internal hemorrhaging.
The toddler’s head bounced back and forth, the bright pink pom-pom on her winter hat bobbing with each movement, as if she was dancing in her seat. She waved mittened hands as she caught John and Heather looking at her.
John’s daughter. Sandy’s little girl.
Heather swallowed down her apprehension, then gave him a cautious smile, buying herself a few more moments. “By the way, I never had a chance to tell you that I was sorry to hear about Sandy’s death. I know it was almost two years ago, but...well...I’m still sorry. It must have been hard for you.”
John just looked at her, his expression unchanging. If anything, the set of his jaw seemed more grim. “Yeah. It was, but like you said, it was a while ago. We’re coping.”
His harsh tone cut, but Heather knew she didn’t deserve anything more. She should have written or called. Sandy had been a dear friend to her, but she’d been dealing with her own problems at the time. Still, in spite of Heather’s history with John, she’d known she’d owed her childhood friend the courtesy of sending him a sympathy card.
“Sandy was a good person, and at one time, a good friend,” she said quietly.
His only reply was a tight nod, which made her feel even worse.
So she turned away, taking a careful step, trying to find her footing on melting snow. She faltered, almost losing her balance again, but John caught her.
Even through the thickness of her coat, she felt the solid grip of his hand on his arm, steadying her.
“You sure you didn’t get hurt?”
“I’m okay,” she said, surprised at her reaction to his touch. She pulled away, but then almost fell, her arms flailing as she struggled to regain her balance.
“Always were too stubborn for your own good,” John muttered, catching her again and helping her to the road.
Heather shot him an annoyed glance, but didn’t pull away until she found her footing on the gravel road.
“Go warm up,” he said, pointing to the truck. “I’ll need to attach a tow rope.”
Six years ago she would have teased him about being so bossy. But that was when they were dating. When the foolish decisions Heather would make would result in a gentle reprimand from him and a smart remark from her.
Instead, she wrapped her coat around her, ducked her head against the gust of wind that had started up, and walked to the truck. She slipped a couple times on ice patches, unable to get the proper purchase in her high-heeled boots, but she finally made it. As she pulled open the door, cheerful music, Adana’s happy chatter and blessed heat washed over her.
She climbed into the raised cab and pulled the door closed behind her, shivering as she turned to Adana, who was sitting in her car seat on the passenger side.
The little girl grew suddenly silent and stared back at her, eyes as blue as John’s, curls of blond hair sticking out from under her winter hat.
Adana had John’s eyes, his arching eyebrows. But she had her mother’s delicate nose and generous smile. An ache settled in Heather’s stomach as she looked at a child who was the same age as her own child would have been.
* * *
Six years they’d been apart, six years since she’d broken up with him, left Montana and him for Mitch and the high life of working as a model in New York City, and she could still make him feel like an idiotic teenager.
John yanked open the jockey box in the bed of his truck, the lid obscuring the occupants of the cab. He paused a moment, gloved hands resting on the edge of the box, trying to get his bearings. He’d known Heather was coming. Her arrival was all her adoptive parents, Monty and Ellen Bannister, could talk about. Every time he’d picked up Adana from the main house, where she spent time while he worked, he heard Keira and her mother laughing and talking about the bridal shower Heather would help them plan.
He thought he’d been prepared, but facing the reality of Heather was harder to deal with than the idea of her.
She had always been a stunning beauty, back when they’d dated. But now her face was narrower, her cheekbones more pronounced, her green eyes more wary, her hair even longer than when she’d left. Her expensive clothes were a far cry from the Wrangler jeans she used to favor. Altogether, they combined to give her an elusive beauty that had sucked the breath right out of him when she’d squeezed out of that car.
John pulled the coiled rope out of the box, his hands still trembling from the rush of adrenaline after almost hitting her with his truck, then seeing her again.
Though her car was buried nose deep in the ditch, Heather seemed unhurt. As for the other reason his heart was still pounding, well, she hadn’t been a part of his life for a long, long time. When she broke up with him, he’d thought he was over her.
Guess not.
Her timing wasn’t the best, though.
To the Bannisters, Heather was their adopted daughter, a wounded soul who needed extra protection. To him, she was a huge complication in the plans he’d been putting into place for the past few months. He just hoped her presence wouldn’t jeopardize his business dealings with Monty, Heather’s father.
Buying into a partnership on Refuge Ranch with Monty Bannister, his father’s old boss, was all John had ever wanted since he was a young boy growing up there. Now, after months of methodical plans, calculations and deliberations, he had brought a solid proposal to Monty, just last week. He’d hoped the rancher would make a decision before Heather came home.
She could prove to be an unwelcome distraction. John knew Monty and Ellen hadn’t been crazy about him dating Heather when they were in high school. He had always suspected that was the reason they’d encouraged her to go to college. Which had resulted in their breakup.
Just bide your time, he told himself as he slammed the lid of the toolbox. Heather will be gone soon and Monty will give you his answer.
John grabbed a shovel as well, then stepped onto his truck’s bumper and dropped to the road. He started to dig up the snow Heather’s car was buried in, taking his frustration with his unwelcome reaction to her out on it.
Ten minutes later he had to concede defeat. The spring snow was hard, packed and icy. There was no way he was getting the car out on his own. There had been damage done to the wheels.
He found the tow truck number in his cell phone and dialed. Dwayne answered on the first ring.
“Yeah, I got a car in the ditch up here on the road to Refuge Ranch,” John said as he walked to his truck. “Can you come and pull it out?”
“I’m actually right at Keith McCauley’s place delivering an old truck,” Dwayne told him. “I can be there in fifteen.”
“We’ll wait.” He ended the call, then opened the truck door, and heard Adana chattering away.
“Pwetty earring. Like your earrings. I have earrings.” She showed Heather the piercings in her ears that Sandy’s mother had gotten for her last month.
But Heather, still sitting in the driver’s seat, wasn’t looking at his daughter.
“Do you need me?” she asked, clambering out of the cab, as if grateful for the distraction. She almost slipped on the ice yet again in her hurry to get away from the vehicle.
He was about to steady her again, but she found her balance, pulling away from his outstretched hand.
“I can’t budge your car out of the snow, and one of the tires is popped off its rim. I’ve called Dwayne to pull it out. We may as well wait in the truck till he comes.”
Heather folded her arms over her chest. “Sure. Okay.” With a tight nod she climbed back into the truck, then moved over, closer to Adana, so he could swing in beside her.
It was a little too close for comfort, he thought, as he shut the door. You’ll have to help me through this, Lord, he prayed as he turned up the fan in the truck. Help me remember that Adana is my priority. Help me to remember Sandy and my promise to her to keep our daughter safe. Help me not to be distracted by Heather and her crazy life.
It had happened too many times in the past. He hoped by now he had learned his lesson. Heather was like candy. Sweet, attractive, but with no staying power. And as he glanced over at his daughter, he caught her watching him with her bright blue eyes, so like Sandy’s it made his heart ache. Adana was his responsibility and she was all he needed in his life.
He felt Heather’s arm brush his as she settled into the seat, her arms crossed, eyes resolutely ahead.
She couldn’t look more uncomfortable if she was on her way to an execution.
He shifted closer to the door, reminding himself that Heather was a complication he just had to deal with until she was gone. Because she would leave. In spite of how excited her sister and mother were about her returning home, he knew she wouldn’t stay as long as they believed she would. Leaving had been the story of her life and the refrain of their relationship. She couldn’t have changed much in six years.
Chapter Two (#ulink_2b9e88c5-d384-5dac-928b-fbab7600ba2f)
Heather tried not to panic as she stood on the road watching her car, resting on the flat deck of Dwayne’s tow truck, head back to Saddlebank.
It’ll be okay, she reminded herself. How damaged could a car get from hitting a ditch? She chose not to think about the whine she’d been hearing since Rapid City, South Dakota. The car would be fine.
She was staying at the ranch until the weekend. That should give them enough time to fix it. Then she could head out to Seattle for her job interview.
A prayer hovered on the periphery of her thoughts, a remnant of a youth spent going to church. But she brushed it aside. She’d sent out many prayers the past few years. None of them had been answered, and she doubted any would be now. She had learned the hard way that she was on her own in this world.
A quick glance back showed her that John had already moved Adana’s car seat to the middle of the cab, putting the little girl between the two adults.
As Heather got back in the truck, Adana reached out to her dad. “We see Grammy?” she asked.
“No, honey. We’ll see Grammy another time,” John said as he started the engine and made a U-turn on the road.
“Wanna see Grammy,” Adana whined. “See Grammy.”
“Sorry, honey.” He gave Heather an apologetic look. “We were on our way to Sandy’s parents for dinner. They’re leaving on a trip and had hoped to see Adana before they went.”
Heather felt guilty. She remembered all too well the first time Sandy, taking pity on the new girl at school, had taken her home with her. Kim Panko, Sandy’s mother, had been friendly enough, but Heather had an innate ability to read people—a necessary skill developed as a result of the constant moves she and her natural mother, Beryl Winson, had made the first ten years of Heather’s life. Over the course of the two girls’ friendship, Sandy’s mother had reminded Heather often how fortunate she’d been to be taken in and adopted by the Bannister family. She suspected Kim wouldn’t be pleased to find out her return to Saddlebank was the reason John and Adana hadn’t come for supper.
“I could have called my dad to pick me up,” she said. “Or Keira.”
“And it would have taken them half an hour to get here. It’s fine.”
Heather folded her hands in her lap, looking directly ahead, wondering if waiting in the chilly wind would have been preferable to riding with John and his daughter, feeling guilty because her mistake had prevented them from visiting Sandy’s parents.
“Your mother is excited to see you,” John said, his own eyes on the road. “That’s all she’s been talking about since she found out you were coming.”
“I’m excited to see her and Dad, too. It’s been so long.”
“So why—” John stopped himself there. “Sorry. None of my business.”
“Why was I gone so long?” Heather blamed the sharp note in her voice on the delayed reaction to plowing her car into the ditch. It had nothing to do with seeing her old boyfriend again.
John gave her a direct look, his blue eyes seeming to bore into her. Then he glanced away.
“I couldn’t get the time off. I would have come if I could.” The words sounded lame, even to her.
“Pwease, have earrings,” Adana said, reaching for the feather-shaped baubles tangled in Heather’s long hair.
“Those are too dangerous for you to play with,” she replied.
“And probably too expensive,” John added. He was smiling, but Heather caught the faintest hint of reproach.
She could have told him that she’d picked these up on the cheap from a street vendor at Herald Square as she’d been hurrying to an interview for yet another low-paying job. But saying so would require an explanation as to why she was forced to work in a retail job—any job, actually—when she’d made so much money modeling. Which would mean delving into the sorry state of her finances and her relationship with Mitch.
Your new job is the start of your new life, she reminded herself. Only if you can get to Seattle. Only if your car gets fixed in time.
Adana yawned loudly, then laid her head back against her car seat, blinking slowly. She looked tired, but turned to Heather again, softly smiling and reaching out to touch her arm.
Sorrow lacerated Heather’s soul at the contact, and she felt as if her breath was sucked out of her body. Seeing this little girl up close brought back painful memories of her own loss.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” John asked her. “You look like you’re in pain. Did you get hurt when your car hit the ditch?”
Heather fought for composure, slowly breathing in and out. “No. I’m fine.” The aches in her body would go away. The one in her soul would be with her always. She’d thought she had buried it, but Adana was a reminder of what she had lost.
“I hope she sleeps a bit,” John was saying. “She’s been out of sorts the last few days. Getting shuffled around too much.”
“My mom takes care of her when you’re working, doesn’t she?”
“She did. But after your mom broke her neck, your mom’s friend Alice has been helping out. She’s a good person, just...” John stopped there.
“Not the same as her mother,” Heather finished for him.
He nodded at her comment. “No. And I can’t give Adana that.”
Heather heard the sorrow in his voice and felt a glimmer of envy for the person he was grieving.
“Your daughter looks a lot like Sandy,” she couldn’t help saying.
“That’s what everyone tells me,” John replied, his features softening as he smiled at his little girl. “Thankfully, she has Sandy’s sweet personality, too.”
“Lucky her. Sandy was a wonderful person and a good friend. I’m sure...I’m sure you miss her.”
John laid his hand on Adana’s legs, curling his fingers around them, as if reinforcing the connection between them. “Thankfully, I still have Adana.”
Heather knew his comment was a simple statement of fact, but she couldn’t help feeling a gentle reprimand. She should have sent a sympathy card after Sandy’s death, but Heather and John had had a complicated history. Too many missed opportunities.
Too many wrong choices.
Heather stopped herself from delving into the past as she stared at the road ahead. This visit to the ranch was a chance to catch her breath. Connect with her family before she headed out to a job that she felt would give her some control over her runaway life.
She glanced at John’s profile. In spite of the tension that seemed to have settled between them like a silent visitor, she felt that curious twinge of attraction that was always between them.
His features were even, well proportioned. His narrow nose, angled cheekbones and strong chin with the faintest hint of scruff all combined in perfect harmony. Even his tousled blond hair added to the look of a man who commanded attention everywhere he went.
Aware of her scrutiny, he sent a puzzled glance her way. “What’s wrong?”
She laughed. “Nothing. I was just thinking you’d make a good model.”
His eyes narrowed. “That’s not the kind of life I’d like.”
The harsh note in his voice seemed like another reprimand of her previous lifestyle.
Modeling had made her a lot of money, but had also brought her a lot of grief. It had created a false sense of what had value and what didn’t. And from the frown on John’s face, it had caused an even larger chasm between them.
“It isn’t for everyone,” she admitted quietly.
“Did you enjoy it? Modeling?”
She easily heard his unspoken questions.
Why did you quit college? Why did you choose Mitch over me?
“I don’t think I would have chosen that career if it wasn’t for Mitch,” Heather responded, trying not to sound defensive.
“He got you your first job, didn’t he?”
She gave a curt nod, remembering too well Mitch’s promises of big money that had made her quit college when things got hard. And the money had come those first few years. She had been able to repay the Bannisters the sum they had put up for her college expenses, which had made her feel she’d repaid her debt to them. But even as she’d experienced some success, it all came to a crashing halt when Mitch had made some bad investments. The first thing he lost was the fancy apartment, the second, his control over his temper.
Regret, Heather’s constant companion, shivered through her.
“I was sorry to hear about your divorce,” John said. “I’m sure...it’s been hard.”
“It’s okay. I’m over the worst of it,” she told him, with a careful shrug.
Which was a lie, she thought, unable to keep herself from glancing at Adana again. Heather had thought she was over the worst, until she saw John and his perfect little girl—both stark reminders of what she had given up to seek a life she’d thought she’d wanted.
She looked ahead, drawing on old survival skills, tricks she’d learned to get through whatever faced her.
You’re on your own, Heather, she reminded herself. Only you can take care of you.
* * *
“Thanks for bringing our girl home,” Monty said, taking one of Heather’s suitcases from John as he stepped off the back of his truck. “How badly is Heather’s car damaged?”
“Not sure. Dwayne said he would tell Alan to call you and let you know,” John said as he set a second suitcase on the ground. “But from what I could see, the front end was badly dented up and the tires had come off the rims.”
Monty frowned as he digested that information. “Well, we’re glad she’s okay.”
John nodded, then glanced past him to where Heather stood, hugging her sister. The lights from the ranch house spilled out, casting them in stark relief.
Ellen stood to one side, her arm around Heather’s shoulder, her neck brace preventing her from doing more than that.
When the two girls drew apart, Heather kissed her mom carefully on the cheek. Then John saw Ellen gently wipe her adopted daughter’s face, her own features looking pained. “Oh, baby girl,” he heard her say. “We missed you so much.”
“I missed you, too.” The broken note in Heather’s voice troubled him. She had never been one to share her emotions. To see her so vulnerable created a push-pull of tangled emotions. He shook his head, then turned back to Monty.
“I better get going. Adana is still sleeping, but she’s probably hungry. Never did make it to Saddlebank for dinner with Kim and Rex.” His in-laws were leaving on a cruise and had hoped to see him and Adana before they left tomorrow. It was too late to go back now.
“Would you like to join us?” Ellen asked.
Heather’s head swung toward him the same time he looked her way. It wasn’t too hard to see the alarm on her features. Seemed as if she was as anxious about spending time with him as he was with her.
“It’s okay,” he said, holding up a gloved hand. “I’m sure you have lots to catch up on with Heather. I don’t want to impose.”
“Oh, since when are you imposing?” Ellen protested. “You eat here plenty.”
“And that’s why I should let you have some time alone.” Sitting with Heather in the truck had been harder than he wanted to admit to himself. She was part of his youth, his past. She’d only ever been his girlfriend, unlike Sandy, who had been his wife.
“Thank you for that,” Monty said. He leveled John a steady look, and behind that gaze John sensed an unspoken question.
Was Heather’s presence going to cause a problem?
Monty had always been very protective of Heather, a legacy of her troubled past, most likely, and John had always tried to tread carefully where she was concerned. That’s why, back in high school, he had waited to date her. That Mitch had beat him to it was poor luck and bad timing. However, when John had finally worked up the nerve to ask her out, it was with fear and trepidation of what Monty would think. Whether he was worthy enough to date the boss’s daughter. But once he did, he and Heather had fallen hard for each other. And started making plans.
He had always wondered if the Bannisters had encouraged Heather to go to college precisely to forestall their plans.
Adana’s wails from the truck reminded him of his other obligations. His main priority.
“I better get her back to the house,” he said, taking a step away.
He caught Monty’s nod of approval, and as he walked to the truck John found he had to stifle his frustration. Did Monty still see him only as the foreman’s son?
But in spite of his feelings, in spite of their time apart, he couldn’t help glancing back at Heather.
Their eyes met and held, John feeling the too-familiar ache in his heart.
He shook it off, turning his attention to Adana. He had his little girl to think of and she needed security and stability in her life.
Heather represented anything but that.
* * *
“Got clean tights, diapers, sippy cup, pacifier.” John marked off the checklist as he went through the diaper bag. Though his home wasn’t that far from the main ranch house, he always liked to make sure Adana had enough provisions for the day.
“Want to go,” his daughter said, as he packed up. She scooted away from him toward the back door, as if she knew exactly what was happening next.
“Yeah. I know, munchkin. I’m coming,” he said. They were running a little later than usual this morning. After breakfast John had cleaned up the house, did a load of laundry and organized the diaper bag. All in an effort to put off going to the main house.
Monty and Ellen always invited him in for coffee when he brought Adana over, and he always accepted, but Heather was there now.
He hooked the bag over his shoulder, scanning the house to make sure that everything was in order. This was the home he had grown up in, as the son of the foreman. It was compact and simple, and it was home for him and Adana.
It was a cozy place, he reminded himself. Sandy had never wanted to move back to Saddlebank after they got married, preferring their life together in Great Falls. However, there were times he’d imagined the two of them living here, after Monty had offered him a job working on the ranch. But Sandy never wanted to live in their hometown, so the dream had never materialized.
His eyes fell on her photo, sitting by his Bible, both resting on a table by his easy chair. He took a moment to pick up the picture, smiling down at it.
He had taken it a month before Adana was born. Sandy stood in profile to the camera, her hands cupped around the swell of her stomach, her short brown hair teased away from her face by a gentle breeze. Her head was tipped to one side, as if she’d been contemplating the new life growing inside her.
Compared to Heather’s sophisticated allure, Sandy looked almost plain, with her freckled complexion and large green eyes. No stunning beauty, she’d always had a beauty of spirit, which had more staying power than Heather’s breathtaking looks.
And each moment he’d spent with Sandy, he had grown more and more in love with her.
John touched her picture, sorrow welling up in him at the horrible loss he’d faced when she’d died. Leaving her behind in the hospital while he took his squalling baby home was the hardest thing he’d ever done. He still wasn’t sure how he had gotten through the empty months afterward. If it wasn’t for his parents, and their invitation to come back and stay with them at Refuge Ranch, he was sure he would have fallen apart. Their support, and Monty and Ellen’s help, had brought him through that dark valley to where he was now.
On solid ground with a daughter he loved fiercely.
Sandy’s little girl.
“I miss you,” he whispered to the beloved image in the photo. He waited a moment, as if listening for the giggly laugh that would bubble up every time he tried to get mushy with her.
But the only sound he heard was the happy slap of Adana’s hands on the window of the porch door.
He set the picture frame down, straightened it and gave his wife’s image a smile. “I told you I would take care of Adana and I will.”
He spoke the words aloud, as if to remind himself what was most important right now.
He would need every bit of resolve to get through the unwelcome distraction of Heather at the ranch. It was a good thing she was around for only a week, he thought as he walked toward his daughter, now tugging on the porch door. John could manage if he avoided Heather, which shouldn’t be too hard. Cows needed vaccinating before calving. The barn needed to be made ready. Corrals, chutes, gates and fences needed to be checked over and repaired. There was plenty to keep him busy while she was here.
“I go outside,” Adana called out, her hands landing on the window again with a carefree splat. She gave John a crooked grin.
“Yes, yes, we’re going.” He scooped her up in his arms, then held her a moment, looking into her smiling face, her bright blue eyes with their thick lashes, reminding himself that this precious bundle was his main focus.
He gave her a tight hug, holding her close. For a moment she laid her head in the crook of his neck and he inhaled the smell of her—baby shampoo mixed with newly laundered clothes.
“I love you, little girl,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to her soft cheek.
Then she giggled and squirmed away from him. Time to go.
He made quick work of getting her jacket and winter hat on. A few minutes later he was dressed as well, and they walked across the yard toward the ranch house, Adana in his arms and her diaper bag slung over his shoulder. The sun was gaining strength, he thought, looking across the yard to the mountains beyond, cradling the basin. He could feel the promise of spring in the warmth on his back and the sound of water trickling across the driveway as the last of the snow melted.
He heard cows bawling, gathered in the lots. They would be calving in a month. If things went well, and Monty accepted his proposal, John would soon be a partner in the ranch. He would have a personal stake in the success and health of the calves.
He wasn’t going to jeopardize that in any way.
With that in mind, he headed directly to the main house. Tanner’s truck was parked in front. Obviously, Keira’s fiancée had come by to see Heather.
John got to the front door and Adana banged her hands on his shoulders, squirming away from him. “No. Not go to house. Go on the wagon,” she protested, as he struggled to hold her wriggling body while he opened the door.
As soon as he stepped into the house and tried to set her down, she started crying loudly. The diaper bag slipped off his shoulder and fell to the floor, the contents spilling out.
“Do you need some help?”
John was crouched down, Adana still crying, sitting on his knee as he tried to gather up the cups and diapers, so he had to look up at Heather.
Her hair hung loose today, the morning light from the windows beside the door making it shine. She wore a simple white blouse and blue jeans, and had an empty laundry basket resting on her hip.
She looked so much like the old Heather that his traitorous heart did a slow flip.
He hid his reaction to her by grabbing the diapers, dismayed when he realized that they had been lying in a puddle of melting snow from another pair of cowboy boots.
“Here, let me help you,” Heather said, setting the laundry basket on the blanket box and picking up various items that had spilled out. “We’ll need to clean these up.”
“Pwetty, pwetty,” Adana called out, her mood switching with lightning speed.
Except now, instead of reaching for the door, she was leaning toward Heather, arms outstretched. The sudden shift made John wobble on his feet.
“Can you take her?” he asked, trying to not drop everything again as he straightened. Wouldn’t that be just amazing, if he ended up on his backside right in front of her.
“Um. Sure.” He didn’t have time for her hesitation. He shifted his arm, pushing Adana toward Heather. She took the little girl just in time and he managed to regain his balance and keep his pride.
“Guess I can just throw these away,” he muttered as he picked up the remaining diapers.
He glanced again at Heather, who held Adana in an awkward grip. He knew Mitch wasn’t the kid type. He had made that loud and clear at his bachelor party. But John had always thought Heather would want children.
Her forced smile and the self-conscious way she held his little girl showed him quite clearly how different Heather was from the girl he had once dated.
“I’ll take her now,” he said, setting the diaper bag back on the floor and reaching for his daughter. “Come on, sweetie.”
But Adana ignored him. Instead, she had her hands planted on Heather’s shoulders, grinning as she babbled away, clearly fascinated by her. “Pwetty, pretty,” she said.
“I think she likes my earrings.” Heather seemed uncomfortable, her expression hesitant.
But Adana wasn’t looking at the pearls hanging from Heather’s ears; her eyes were on Heather’s face.
“Probably,” John agreed. He caught Adana under the arms and was about to pull her away when she screeched her objection.
“No! No, Daddy! Pwetty!” She leaned away from him, then laid her head on Heather’s shoulder.
Heather shot him a flustered look. “I’m sorry.”
He didn’t know why his daughter had suddenly formed this attachment to a woman she didn’t know. Adana was an easygoing girl, but she didn’t quickly go to strangers.
Heather turned then, shifting her arms so that John could more easily take Adana from him.
“Hey, you two, are you coming in or are you going to keep yapping?” Tanner called out from the dining room.
Heather gave John an apologetic look, then walked into the kitchen. With Adana wriggling in his arms, he followed her.
“Hey, John.” Tanner leaned back in his chair, grinning as Heather sat down. “Coffee’s on. May as well join us. Monty’s in no rush to head out to feed cows this morning.”
John glanced around the room. Tanner, the son of the neighboring landowner, Monty and his two daughters were all sitting around the table.
And there he was, the son of the foreman, standing awkwardly, feeling like the outsider.
“Sure. I’ll join you,” he said, as Keira got up to take Adana from him.
“Hey, muffin,” Keira said, cuddling the little girl close. “You’re as cute as ever.”
John walked over to the coffeepot, grabbed a mug from the cupboard and poured himself a cup. He knew his way around this kitchen as well as his own.
“So, John, what’s Monty got you doing today?” Tanner asked.
“Got some fences to fix,” he replied. “The corrals need a few repairs.” He looked to Monty. “You still figure on processing the cows on Saturday?”
“I got that part for the hay bind coming in on Saturday morning first thing, but yeah. After that we can get ’er done.”
“I’ll have the cows ready to go, then,” John said, taking a sip of his coffee.
“You know, I could use a capable guy like you at my place,” Tanner said, grinning at him. “Why don’t you quit working for this character and come work for me?”
“You trying to poach my best hand?” Monty protested.
“Never hurts to ask,” Tanner said with an unapologetic shrug.
“John’s a Refuge Ranch man,” Monty said, with a broad grin. “Just like his daddy before him.”
John tried to tamp down his reaction to the banter between Monty and Tanner. Right now that was his reality. He was only the foreman like his daddy before him.
He thought of the proposal sitting in Monty’s office. Now that he was so close, he wanted it done. Then he glanced over at Heather, just as she looked up at him. Their eyes met and she looked away. But even in that brief moment, he was disappointed at how quickly the old feelings taunted him.
He turned to his daughter, feeling a need to get back to work. To keep himself busy. “Hey, muffin, Daddy has to go to work. Wanna sit with me before I go?”
Adana looked at him, then her eyes skittered to Heather. “Wanna sit her,” she said, wriggling away from John’s outstretched hands.
“C’mon, honey. Come sit with Daddy,” he coaxed.
“Sit her,” she insisted. Before anyone could stop her, she slid off Keira’s lap, scooted around John’s chair and headed straight to Heather.
“Guess you got dumped by your own daughter,” Tanner teased.
John was far too aware of the irony of the situation. Getting dumped by his daughter in favor of the woman who had dumped him.
He caught the look of wariness on Heather’s face as Adana toddled up to her, then her discomfort as the child tried to climb up on her lap.
John was just about to rescue his daughter when Heather finally picked her up. But Adana wasn’t simply content with sitting on her lap. She had another mission in mind.
“Pwetty earrings,” she said, reaching for Heather’s earrings again, a cluster of chains with a pearl on the end of each. Heather caught her hand and eased it down, the stilted smile on her face making her look as if she would rather be doing anything else than holding his little girl. It bothered him that someone wouldn’t want to hold his precious daughter. That it was Heather struck him to the very core.
Suddenly the phone rang, and Keira jumped up from the table to answer it. She spoke for a few moments, then came over to the table, holding it out to Heather. “It’s for you. It’s Alan, the mechanic.”
Heather passed Adana to her sister with a look of relief, then grabbed the phone. “Hello?” She jumped to her feet. “Really? That long?” She bit her lip, then nodded, and finally ended the call.
“So? What’s the verdict?” Monty asked.
“Alan said that he had to order some parts and they wouldn’t be here for a week to ten days.”
“So you’ll be around longer?” Keira whooped, obviously more pleased with the news than her sister.
“It looks like it,” Heather said, reluctance tingeing her voice.
John knew exactly how she felt. He sighed and then once again caught her looking at him.
Unwanted and unbidden, attraction sparked between them. He tore his gaze away as frustration edged with an older, deeper emotion lay hold of him.
How was he going to avoid Heather for two weeks and still keep his own heart whole?
Chapter Three (#ulink_a18cdc76-040f-5151-9480-f15536752f21)
Heather sat down, her mind whirling as she tried to think. She had the job interview soon in Seattle, but now had no way of getting there.
She needed that job. Her shrunken bank account was a testament to how quickly she needed to get to work.
But she couldn’t get to the interview if she didn’t have a car. Her stomach roiled at the thought of the new charges she would have to put on a credit card she had finally cleared off.
Don’t look around the corner. Just do what comes next.
The words that had gotten her through the past few years of her life came back to her, but now, in the cozy warmth of her parents’ house, they seemed empty. Devoid of the comfort they usually brought her.
“So will you be able to stay until the bridal shower?” Keira asked.
It wasn’t too hard to see the sparkle in her eyes and hear the hope in her voice.
“I don’t have much choice,” Heather said, realizing how reluctant she sounded. She pinned a bright smile on her face, then glanced again at John, who was still watching her. He seemed as thrilled about the idea of her staying the extra time as she was.
“I better get going,” he said, setting his mug on the counter. “I’ll feed the cows, Monty. You stay and visit.”
Then he turned and left.
* * *
Heather watched him stride away, his broad shoulders giving him an air of control. He had changed since she’d last seen him, become more reserved. This was not the warm, loving John she remembered.
The distance between them was wider than Judith Basin County. She wasn’t sure why it bothered her. She had no intention of taking up where she and John had left off. Both of them had moved far away from that one happy time in her life.
You made your choice when you ignored his advice and went with Mitch to New York.
Past choices melded with present circumstances and she knew that her life was, to some degree, of her own making.
She dragged her attention back to her family, who were all watching her as if waiting to see what she was going to do next.
“I need to make another call,” she said. “Can I use the phone in the study?” she asked her father, needing some privacy.
“You go ahead, my dear,” he said, waving her on.
“And I should get going,” Keira said, getting up, as well. “I’ll be at my workshop,” she told Heather. “Come on by and we can make some shower plans.”
“Of course,” Heather said, thankful that her sister was happy with the situation. She turned to her father. “Are you okay to watch Adana?”
“Alice should be finished soon helping your mother get ready for the day. I think I can manage until then,” he said with a grin.
Heather returned his smile, then left. As she closed the door of her father’s office behind her, she shut off the sound of conversation that had started up again. She leaned against the door a moment, trying to suppress the panic slowly gaining momentum in her mind.
She couldn’t afford a huge repair bill. She couldn’t afford to be late for this interview.
She stopped herself. Don’t borrow trouble, her father always used to say. So she sat in his large leather chair and with trembling fingers pulled up the information from her cell phone, then made the call.
Very quickly she was put through to Michelle Pearson, the manager she hoped to be working for.
“Good morning, Michelle,” Heather said, pulling out her “so happy to see you” attitude and hoping that would generate a positive tone in her voice. In previous conversations they’d chatted about the industry, traded small talk, discussed fashion trends, but right now she just wanted to cut to the heart of the matter. “I’m sorry to tell you that I had an accident. I’m fine but my car isn’t. And it won’t be fixed in time for me to arrive in Seattle when I said I would.”
“Oh. I see.” The silence that followed that comment held a heaviness that weighed on Heather. “That changes things. We needed someone quite soon. And we interviewed our second prospect yesterday. My partner was very excited about her, so if you can’t come for a week, we may hire her instead.”
Disappointment sat like a rock in Heather’s stomach. She wanted to protest that they should at least give her a try, but how could she when she couldn’t make the scheduled interview?
“We will, of course, reimburse your travel expenses,” Michelle added. “Just send me the details of your mileage and associated costs and we can cover those for you.”
That was a help, but not much. “Thanks. I’ll do that,” Heather managed to choke out, feeling the usual burst of shame at the thought that she would probably follow through on collecting even that small amount of money. “And thank you for the opportunity.”
“If anything comes up that we think you would be suited for, we’ll give you a call,” Michelle said brightly, but Heather suspected her promise was more polite than actual. “As a former model, you have a view on the industry that I’m sure we could utilize sometime.”
Former model. All part of a very ragged résumé.
Former barrel racer. Former college student. Former wife.
Heather said a polite goodbye, hung up the phone and leaned back in her father’s chair, turning it to face the window, giving herself a moment to pull together the tatters of her life. From here she could look out over the summer pasture and then to the hills beyond, rolling up to the mountains that edged the basin. She had ridden those hills with Keira, Lee and John, and knew most every knoll, valley and crevice. The life she’d lived here was like a wash of light in the darkness of her years with an abusive natural mother and her time with Mitch.
Help me, Lord.
The prayer spilled out of her as she swung back and forth in the chair. Then she caught her sad reflection in the office window. She lifted her chin and pushed herself erect. Though she wasn’t born one, she’d been raised a Bannister. Life didn’t push a Bannister down.
As she stood, she caught sight of John walking across the yard. Once again she felt the regrets of the past slip into the present.
If only she hadn’t gone away to school. If only she’d listened to him. If only she hadn’t broken up with him. If only she had told him the truth about why she’d wanted to work for Mitch.
As if he sensed her thoughts, John looked back over his shoulder at the house. Heather lifted her hand to touch the window as if to make a connection with him.
Then he seemed to shake his head, shove his hands in his pockets and keep walking.
Heather squared her own shoulders and turned away from the window. She had other things to deal with.
When she came back to the dining room, she walked over to where her mother sat.
“How are you feeling?” Heather asked her as she bent over to give her a kiss.
“Much better. I slept well.”
“I’m so glad.” Heather glanced over at Alice. “And good morning to you, Alice,” she said to the older woman, sitting with a cup of coffee in front of her, feeding Adana bits of her muffin. “Good to see you again.”
“Welcome home. I was sorry to hear about your car, but glad that you’re okay.”
“Thank you,” was all Heather said. She liked Alice well enough, but had never felt entirely comfortable around her. Alice had told her often how lucky she was to be taken in by the Bannisters, and had subtly reminded her of the debt she owed this family.
“Were you able to reschedule the interview?” her mother asked with an optimism Heather wished she could channel.
“No. They decided to hire someone else.”
“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.” The disappointment in her voice only seemed to add to Heather’s sense of failure.
“There’ll be other work,” she said, pasting on the same smile that she used when she was working the cameras, trying to look excited to be wearing a bathing suit while a chilly wind blew.
“I understand from your mother that you’ll be around the ranch for a few weeks,” Alice said, cradling her cup of coffee in her hands, lifting one eyebrow as if in query.
“I’m here until my car is fixed,” Heather said, going to pour herself another cup of coffee. And while she was here, she would be sending out her résumé to whoever she could.
“That could work out well for me,” Alice continued. “I just got a call from my aunt this morning. She’s not been feeling well. If you’re going to be here, I could visit her. Your mother is still fragile and I wouldn’t feel right leaving her and Adana alone. Keira is busy with her work and wedding plans, so I don’t think it would be fair to ask her.”
Heather sneaked a quick glance toward Adana, who was noisily sucking back a sippy cup of milk. She put her cup down and grinned, showing her tiny top teeth. “Hi, Hevver,” she said.
Heather’s heart warmed at the sound of the little girl saying her name. Obviously she was as smart as her mother.
“If it doesn’t work, I can reschedule...” As Alice’s sentence trailed off, Heather guessed the woman sensed her hesitation.
“Or we could find somebody else,” Ellen said.
Heather caught her mother’s rueful smile and hastily put her hand on her arm, hoping and praying that her mom didn’t think her lack of enthusiasm had anything to do with her.
“Of course I can help out today,” Heather quickly said, giving her a reassuring look. She was free for the next few days. The least she could do was help where she was needed.
“That’s wonderful,” Alice said, sounding relieved. “Would you mind terribly if I left right away?”
So soon?
“Sure. That’d be fine,” Heather said with a confidence she certainly didn’t feel. “Just tell me what I need to do for my mother, and I’m sure I can figure out what to do with Adana. How hard can it be to take care of a toddler?”
“Not hard at all. She’s a little sweetheart,” Ellen said, reaching over and tucking Adana’s bib under her chin.
The child banged her cup on her tray table, then looked at the gathered women, as if sensing the conversation was about her. She gurgled in pleasure at the attention, happily oblivious to the gnawing pain in Heather’s soul that her very presence created.
It’s just for today, Heather told herself. She could handle it for one day.
* * *
“You’re good to go,” John called out to Monty as he pushed on the fence tightener.
Down the fence line, he could see the rancher swinging his hammer, pounding in the staples on the barbed wire that John had just pulled taut.
They had been busy all afternoon, wading through mud, the occasional snowdrift and sometimes walking on bare ground, working their way down the fence toward the home place, getting the calving area ready. In a month they would be busy, calving out cows. The sun beating down on John’s back was a promise of the warmer weather coming.
Soon, he thought, pounding the last nail on his end and pulling off the tightener. He glanced up at the hills, which were already bare of snow, and across the pasture, where only a few drifts leftover from the last storm lay stranded against fence and tree lines.
He dropped the hammer in his pail of tools and lifted it off the ground. In only a few days, the drifts had receded substantially, leaving mud in their wake.
On Saturday they had to process the cows and give them their precalving shots. He wasn’t looking forward to herding them through all this dirt.
“So, we done with this?” Monty called out as he strode toward him.
“That was the last of it,” John said.
“Good. I’ll head over to the corrals and check them once more before we have to run all the cows through.” He nodded toward the house. “You just take a moment to say hi to your little girl.”
A high-pitched squeal of laughter caught John’s attention and his smile grew.
But when he turned, he frowned at what he saw. Heather was pulling a high-sided wagon. Adana sat inside, leaning over the edge, staring at the ground rolling past her as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.
His eyes reluctantly touched on Heather, who was looking everywhere but at him. She had put a down vest over her shirt, a concession to the brisk spring weather.
Though she still looked as if she was heading to a fashion shoot, the down-home clothes were a reminder of happier times. When they would go out riding. When he would watch her run barrels, timing her and coaching her.
He shook his head, as if to dislodge the errant memories he wouldn’t allow himself to indulge in.
“Where’s Alice?” he asked. He set the pail down and halfheartedly walked toward them. They met halfway between the pens and the house, the tapping of Monty’s hammer echoing over the yard.
“Daddy, ride,” Adana called out, reaching for him. He picked her up, settling her against his hip.
“She left this morning to visit her aunt,” Heather said. “She asked me to help out with Adana while she was gone.”
John narrowed his eyes at the thought of Heather taking care of his daughter. “Just for today?”
“It’s fine. I...I can manage. I’m not familiar with kids, mind you...”
“I sensed that,” he stated, holding Adana a little closer. She laid her head against him, as she often did when she was tired or upset. Did she also feel Heather’s discomfort?
He felt the same overwhelming need to protect his daughter that he had felt when he’d brought her home from the hospital. He had made a promise to himself that he would protect her, take care of her and make up for all she had lost.
“That’s why I think I should take care of her,” he added.
“But you’re busy. I thought...I understood that’s why Alice and Mom look after her. So you can work?”
“I’ll figure a way around it.” He glanced down the fence line toward Monty.
Heather lifted her head, staring him down. “You don’t think I’m capable.”
In spite of the confrontational tone of her voice, he caught a glimpse of hurt in her features. His resolve wavered a moment, but then he felt the warmth of Adana’s head against his neck.
“It’s not how capable you are. It’s how willing you are.” He sighed for a moment, then continued. “Like I said, I sensed that you’re not comfortable around her. I don’t want my daughter to feel like she’s unwanted.”
Heather couldn’t hold his gaze. Her eyes, with those impossibly long lashes, lowered protectively. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I know how it looks. It’s just...she reminds me...” She stopped there, her hands twisting together.
She seemed genuinely upset.
“Reminds you of...” he prodded.
She bit her lip, shook her head, then slowly, almost reluctantly, looked up. He caught the faintest shimmer of tears in her eyes. “Doesn’t matter,” she said. “Adana is a sweet little girl and I don’t mind taking care of her.”
But John couldn’t ignore the brief glimpse of sorrow in her eyes and in her voice. Older emotions sifted into the moment and he thought of her upbringing. “Is this because of your mother?”
She frowned and he realized he’d barked up the wrong tree.
“No. Nothing to do with her.” She waved off his comment with one hand. But that didn’t erase his curiosity. There was more to this than she was letting on.
“I can take care of her,” Heather said, reaching out for his daughter. “I know you and Dad have a lot of work to do before calving.”
Still John hesitated, glancing from Heather to Monty. He had to be realistic. He couldn’t take care of his daughter today.
Then Adana made up his mind for him. She patted him on the cheek with one chubby hand, as if to reassure him, then stretched her arms out toward Heather, her fingers clenching and unclenching.
“Pwease. Go for wide.”
John shifted to accommodate Adana’s sudden movement, then reluctantly let Heather take her out of his arms. Somehow, in spite of the woman’s hesitation around his daughter, Adana seemed to connect with her.
Heather held her for a moment, looking down at her. The tiny quiver of her lips was the faintest tell, raising a host of other questions. There was more to this than mere discomfort around children. There was real pain in her eyes.
But as Monty called out to him again, John knew this wasn’t the time or place to find out.
Besides, he didn’t have the right to pry into her personal life, he reminded himself as he watched her gently place Adana back in the wagon. He had to keep her at a distance. He had plans for his life, and she would only complicate them.
She gave him a forced smile that he sensed was more for show than anything, then picked up the wagon handle and walked past him.
He didn’t plan to watch her leave, but couldn’t keep his eyes from following her slim form, her blond hair flowing down her back, glistening in the sun as she headed toward Keira’s workshop.
Monty walked over to find out what the delay was. “Everything okay?” he asked John, glancing from him to Heather.
“Yeah. Heather is taking care of Adana. She just brought her by to say hi.”
John saw Monty watching him, his eyes intent.
They were both quiet a moment, as if measuring each other.
“Heather hasn’t told us much about her life in New York, but her mother and I sense she’s had a tough go the past few years,” the older man said quietly, folding his arms over his chest, his eyes slipping back to Heather. “Mitch wasn’t good for her. She’s a very wounded soul.”
John sensed a warning in Monty’s voice, and wanted to remind him that he had tried to tell Heather not to go with Mitch to New York. Not to believe the promises he had made her.
But he kept his comments to himself, aware of how precarious his current situation was. Even though Heather had been the one to break up with him, his love for her had never been a secret on the Bannister ranch. When Mitch had come to Saddlebank the first time and swept Heather off her feet, Monty had been the one to commiserate with John.
Now, it seemed, he was obliquely warning him to keep his distance.
“If that’s the case, Heather will need this time with your family to recuperate before she moves on,” John said. “And I wish her only the best in everything she does.” He met and held Monty’s gaze. “As for me, I have Adana to take care of right now.”
The rancher smiled carefully and nodded. “Of course you do.” He shifted his hammer from one hand to the other. “I guess we should get this fence fixed before the day slips away from us.”
He walked away. But in spite of Monty’s warnings, John couldn’t prevent another glance over his shoulder to where Heather had stopped and was lifting Adana out of the wagon.
Their eyes met across the yard and once again John felt as if time had wheeled backward. His foolish heart gave a thump.
He had to focus on Adana.
His and Sandy’s daughter, he reminded himself. A woman who was faithful and true.
And uncomplicated.
Chapter Four (#ulink_86020d29-9ea5-553e-9bb7-ca470d2490ef)
Adana toddled around the saddle workshop, jingling the bell that Keira had given her. Sugar, the farm dog, followed her around the room as if guarding her.
“She’s such a cutie patootie,” Keira said, laughing as Adana stopped to tug on the stirrup of a saddle that Keira had been working on.
“She is,” Heather said, letting the melancholy note she struggled so hard to keep at bay slip into her voice as she leaned against the workbench.
Her sister had been cutting some leather for a saddle when she and Adana came into the shop, but had gladly taken a break.
Keira shot her a sharp look. “Are you okay? You seem upset.”
Heather tried to brush off her concern. “It’s just hard...coming back.”
Keira boosted herself up on the bench, as if settling in for a chat. “Coming back to the ranch or coming back to John?”
“That was a long time ago,” she said, trying to sound more casual than she felt. “Besides, we’ve both moved on. He has Adana and I have a new career I’m trying to get established.”
“But he’s a widower and you’re divorced.”
“Not going down that road again,” she said with a degree of finality.
Adana giggled and shook her bell again. Heather felt her heart compress at the sound.
“There’s something else happening,” Keira pressed. “You seem so sad. You look tired and seem as if you’ve lost weight.”
Heather gave her sister a reassuring grin. “That’s music to any model’s ears.”
But Keira didn’t smile at her feeble joke, just wrapped her arm around Heather’s shoulders. “We’ve got lots to catch up on, you know.”
“I know we do,” she agreed, slipping her own arm around Keira’s waist and returning her hug. “I’m glad to be around you again.”
Adana giggled, and Heather sighed lightly.
“There’s something else going on. Tell me,” Keira said.
Heather didn’t want to go back there, to that place, but she also knew her sister wouldn’t quit until she told her.
“It’s just that Adana is the same age as my...” Heather’s voice quavered, but she was determined not to break down. “Sorry. I don’t know why I’m so weepy.”
Keira’s features crumpled as she tightened her arm. “Oh, honey. I never thought...never even put it together.”
“It’s okay.” Heather cut her off, surprised at the way her throat seemed to close up. “It was two years ago. And it wasn’t as if the baby was full-term.” But she pressed her lips together again, blaming the weariness that had clung to her all morning for her wavering feelings.
She hadn’t slept much last night, her thoughts a tangle of old emotions, memories and new difficulties. She had left New York determined to start over. To be independent.
But it seemed that in the space of twelve hours her new start had been easily derailed. Now she had no job, no car and no real prospects on the horizon. Her life was the same jumbled mess as when she’d been living with her biological mother, then with Mitch.
And now seeing Adana, she was faced with the reminder of two of the biggest losses in her life: her baby and John.
“You were far enough along that Mom was buying wool to knit baby sweaters.” Keira squeezed Heather’s shoulders. “I wish you would have come home after you lost the baby. I know Mom had a hard time with it all. I mean, first grandchild and all, so I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for you, stuck by yourself in that apartment in New York.”
Heather sucked in a long, deep breath, wishing she could erase the sadness that clawed at her. “It was hard. But you know, if I’d had the baby, it would have meant I would always be connected to Mitch.”
“I thought you said he never really wanted kids.”
“He didn’t, but he’s manipulative enough that he would have exercised every right he felt was his.”
“Mitch was a jerk. Actually, he probably still is,” Keira proclaimed. “I know it’s hard for you to be divorced. I’m still glad you two are done.”
Heather nodded, recognizing the truth in those words, but unable to repress the ever-present shame that came with the choices she had made.
“Have you talked to Mitch at all since...”
“Since the divorce?” She shook her head. “No. Once everything was over, I told him that I didn’t want to have anything more to do with him. It’s been a relief not seeing him.”
That was so true, in spite of the other actuality of the divorce. The fact that Mitch had cleaned out the bank account she had so painstakingly built up. The thought could still send shame blasting through her, hot, destructive and pointless.
It also had her sitting at the computer checking out other jobs online, sending her résumé to whoever would accept electronic submissions.
“Well, he was a louse,” Keira said, her eyes narrowing. “And there’s no humiliation in being divorced from someone like him.”
Her shame had deeper facets, Heather thought, but she just stepped back and gave her sister a tight smile. “I’ve missed you so much,” she admitted, holding Keira’s soft green eyes.
“I missed you, too,” Keira returned.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t the best sister to you,” Heather added soberly. “You’ve had your own sorrows and struggles.”
Keira’s gentle look acknowledged the sympathy. “It was hard, but I have Tanner and he’s been my rock. God has also been my refuge and strength. I feel as if I’ve been surrounded and supported.”
Heather felt a twinge of jealousy. “I’m glad for you. I wish I could share your faith in God.”
“He’s always there,” Keira said quietly. “He hasn’t moved.”
Heather wasn’t so sure about that, but wasn’t going to get into a theological discussion about God with her sister. Especially when she seemed to be able to draw strength from him.
The jingle of Adana’s bell caught their attention. The little girl looked over at them with a grin, as if seeking a reaction. Then she fell down on her bottom and let out an indignant cry. Sugar whined, as if pleading with them to fix something he could do nothing about.
“I’ll get her,” Keira said, walking away from the workbench. Heather sighed as she watched her sister pick up the little girl. Keira seemed so natural with her.
Then Adana reached out to Heather, as she had been doing since their first meeting. The bell she was holding jingled lightly. “You hold me, pwease,” she said, her meaning clear.
“I don’t know why she’s so stuck on me,” Heather said, taking her.
Keira shrugged. “Maybe she knows you need to be around her to get over your own sadness.”
Heather held Adana, feeling her warmth seep through her vest and shirt, her heart hitching again at having the little girl in her arms. “Like that therapy they do, when you’re afraid of something and you’re constantly exposed to it until you get used to it?”
Keira smiled. “Sometimes we need to face our fear in order to conquer it.”
Heather guessed she was referring to the shadows in her own life. The shame of being assaulted by Tanner’s brother years ago, and how she’d kept it to herself for so long.
“You would know,” she said quietly.
“I’m guessing there are still things in your life that you don’t want to talk about,” Keira said, folding her arms over her chest. “And I’m not going to push you on that. The one thing I realized from my own life is that you can’t face the past until you feel like you’re in a safe place. And you are in a safe place now. You always said that for you, the ranch lived up to its name. That it was a true refuge.”
“It was and it is,” Heather said. “This is home.”
“And how has it been seeing John again?” Keira prompted.
Heather weighed the question, trying to sort out the unwelcome emotions John evoked.
“He’s part of the past I don’t necessarily need to face, but do want to leave behind,” she finally said. “He was married to an amazing woman and has a kid, and that’s the end of that. John and I have both moved on.”
Heather wished she could have delivered her speech with more conviction, but her reaction to John belied any protestation she could make.
The skeptical look on her sister’s face showed Heather she needed to work on that. Because there was no way she was going to allow herself to be so vulnerable again.
She had spent too much time there and it wasn’t happening anymore.
* * *
Don’t brush your hair. Just wash up and go into the dining room.
John cast a critical glance at his reflection in the mirror as he dried his hands on the towel on the bathroom counter at the Bannisters’ ranch house. His hair was dented from his cowboy hat and it stuck up in the back.
Heather would just have to take him as he was, he thought as he hung the towel up and walked out of the bathroom.
As he went past the porch and into the kitchen, he wished he had insisted that he and Adana have lunch in their own house, as he had the past couple days.
Yesterday he and Monty had been busy until suppertime fixing fences, getting ready for today. But he’d picked up Adana and taken her to the Grill and Chill in town, using a need to visit Gord, the owner, as a reason for not joining the Bannisters when he was invited.
This morning he’d brought Adana over right after breakfast and made sure that he’d scooted out of there fast, using the cows as the perfect excuse. But he didn’t have to rush. Monty had gone to Great Falls for the part for the hay bind. He had told John to wait on moving the cows until he came back, but John needed to keep busy and out of the house, so he’d gotten them all gathered in the sorting pens. But he couldn’t keep avoiding the family, so this morning he had accepted the standing invitation to join them for lunch.
Heather stood by the large table and was ladling soup into bowls as he came into the dining room. She glanced up when he walked in, then quickly looked away, underlining the awkwardness that surrounded any encounter they had. She wore blue jeans again, but her silk shirt negated the down-home effect.
He bent over and kissed Adana’s forehead. “Hey, sweetie,” he said, brushing his hand over her curls and smiling down at her. “You have a good morning?”
“Hi, Daddy.” She grinned up at him, then looked back at the bowl Alice set in front of her. “Yummy soup,” she said, picking up her spoon.
“How’s your aunt?” John asked Alice, his eyes shifting against his will back to Heather.
“She’s not doing as well as I hoped. I think I’ll spend a few more days with her,” the woman said, breaking some crackers into Adana’s soup. “She’s still fairly fragile, and now that Heather is staying longer, I’m hoping she can help take care of Ellen and Adana so I can go.”
John felt a moment’s anxiety. Heather taking care of his daughter more than just for an afternoon? He glanced her way and met her eyes. Once again he sensed her hesitation, then she blinked and the moment was gone.
Maybe he could find someone else to take care of Adana till Alice returned. He couldn’t ask his in-laws. They were gone. But there had to be someone who was willing to come out to Refuge Ranch.
“How’s Adana been?” John inquired, turning his attention back to his daughter.
“She’s been a little angel,” Alice said. “But she’s getting tired.”
“Where’s Keira?” he asked next as he picked up the small spoon Adana always used.
“Keira and Tanner went into Bozeman to talk to the wedding photographer,” Ellen said, stifling a yawn. “And Monty called. He’s still waiting in Great Falls for that tractor part that was supposed to come in on special order today. He didn’t think it was worth his while to drive back when the delivery is supposed to arrive at any moment.” She gave him an apologetic look. “Hope that’s not a problem.”
John tried not to sigh. “I’ve got the herd locked up. I was going to give them their precalving shots. Monty was going to cut the cows for me and run them through.”
“And neither Alice nor I can help you,” Ellen said.
“I can’t wait until Monty comes back to process them.” There was no way John could sort and run the entire herd through this afternoon on his own. “I’ll have to let them out.”
He gave Adana another spoonful of soup and, in spite of his frustration, smiled as she caught his wrist, bringing the spoon closer to her mouth.
“That’s a nuisance,” Ellen said. “I’m sorry Monty didn’t think this all the way through.”
“It’s okay. We’ll just have to try again Monday.”
“But cows are always harder to get in the second time, aren’t they?” Heather asked.
Her quiet comment drew John’s attention to her. He was surprised she knew that.
“And Monty is taking me to Helena to see the specialist on Monday, then we’re joining Tanner and Keira at the cattle show in Missoula,” Ellen added.

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