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Her Cowboy Hero
Carolyne Aarsen
Second-Chance CowboyMontana rodeo star Tanner Fortier is a good man. A man Keira Bannister never stopped loving. But when he shows up at Refuge Ranch looking to have his late brother's saddle repaired in time for the championships, he's the last person Keira wants to see. For years, she's kept hidden the real reason for breaking their engagement—and Tanner's heart. But now, with him at the ranch, she's tempted to reveal the truth—one that could destroy him. But she knows that to have a future with the man of her dreams, she has to settle the past…Refuge Ranch: Where a Montana family comes home to love.


Second-Chance Cowboy
Montana rodeo star Tanner Fortier is a good man. A man Keira Bannister never stopped loving. But when he shows up at Refuge Ranch looking to have his late brother’s saddle repaired in time for the championships, he’s the last person Keira wants to see. For years, she’s kept hidden the real reason for breaking their engagement—and Tanner’s heart. But now, with him at the ranch, she’s tempted to reveal the truth—one that could destroy him. But she knows that to have a future with the man of her dreams, she has to settle the past…
Refuge Ranch: Where a Montana family comes home to love.
“Give me your hand.”
As he knelt in front of her, carefully bandaging her cut, Keira caught the familiar scent of his aftershave. The light shone on his hair, bringing out a faint sheen of gold in the brown, and Keira had to stop herself from reaching up and smoothing it away from his face. The way she always used to.
Just then he looked up, and their eyes met. Held.
His expression softened. She couldn’t look away, and for a moment it was as if all the years between them had been erased.
She needed a moment to try to get her bearings.
She needed help. Somehow her tangled emotions had to find the peace and equilibrium she had managed to attain before this man had dropped back into her life.
But, looking down at Tanner, one question remained: Was that even possible now?
CAROLYNE AARSEN
and her husband, Richard, live on a small ranch in northern Alberta, where they have raised four children and numerous foster children, and are still raising cattle. Carolyne crafts her stories in an office with a large west-facing window, through which she can watch the changing seasons while struggling to make her words obey.
Her Cowboy Hero
Carolyne Aarsen


www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
—Isaiah 43:18
To my kids. Thanks for the blessing you are to us.
Contents
Cover (#u06f8c51c-d550-5d13-ac57-e813dba2d2e7)
Back Cover Text (#u368141e2-7921-5f3b-9c27-8e067324532b)
Introduction (#u9a4138f1-9680-5483-8a95-c6011ecade84)
About the Author (#u6413b20a-8664-570f-a293-4e4cd0b9f6df)
Title Page (#u4759279d-681c-5536-96ca-3bce1351f4a2)
Bible Verse (#u923cdee2-830a-568c-ba31-4d2e3d0c5012)
Dedication (#u23d8adc4-c99c-5d23-8b4e-9d02e8aa6d90)
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Dear Reader
Questions for Discussion
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One (#u76c2797f-a67d-5933-abee-84cd115bf199)
It had been many months and many miles since he’d driven this road to Refuge Ranch. A lot of memories and a lot of pain.
Tanner Fortier’s foot hit the brakes as he stopped his truck at the top of the hill, a cloud of snow swirling around his vehicle. From this vantage point he looked across the basin cradling Refuge Ranch to the mountains beyond; their gray, forbidding surfaces softened by the winter snowpack, a hard white against the endless blue of the Montana sky.
He shivered a moment, the chill of winter easing into the cab of his pickup. The side windows hadn’t completely cleared of frost since Bozeman.
Tanner stacked his gloved hands on the steering wheel, reinforcing his defenses before descending into the valley and the Bannister Ranch. He hadn’t come willingly. He would have preferred to go directly to the Circle C Ranch. Though he hadn’t been away from his childhood home as long as from the Bannister ranch, he would have liked to spend some time there, catch his breath before coming here.
He rolled his shoulder, tensing against the pain that knifed through it, a souvenir from a rank saddle bronc who had spun in when Tanner expected him to spin out. Tanner had lost his seat but, as if to add insult to injury, had also received a well-placed kick that had dislocated his shoulder and put him out of the money for that particular rodeo and had ruined his saddle.
Monty Bannister had been the one who made that saddle, and Tanner wanted Monty to be the one to fix it. Hence his trip here first. The sooner the saddle was fixed, the sooner Tanner could head out on the road again.
The fact that Keira Bannister, his old girlfriend and fiancée, was back living at Refuge Ranch was something he’d have to deal with.
Tanner sent up a quick prayer for strength, put his truck in gear and headed down the road. He wouldn’t be long. Just a quick chat with Monty Bannister, drop off his saddle, say hello to his stepmother, who was staying at the Bannister ranch to help Ellen recuperate, and then head back to his father’s ranch a few miles down the road.
Correction, stepmother’s ranch. The thought could still gall him even after all these years. In spite of working alongside his father since he was a little boy, everything changed when his father died unexpectedly of a heart attack five years ago. When the will was read after the funeral, Tanner found out the ranch had been willed to his stepmother in its entirety. And a couple of months later, Alice had made it clear that she preferred that her natural son, David, take over the ranch. Not Tanner.
In spite of all of that, it was still his childhood home. Tanner had figured on staying at the Circle C for the few days it took for his saddle to be repaired and then heading back to his garage in Sheridan, then off to his buddy’s ranch near Vegas to get ready for the National Finals Rodeo. The super bowl of rodeos. The big one.
The rodeo that would, hopefully, help him let go of the burden that had been haunting him the past two years.
He cut through a grove of snow-laden ponderosa pines then slowed as he entered the draw sheltering the ranch buildings. Refuge Ranch looked so much the same it gave him an ache. And yet, as he looked over the familiar gathering of barns, hay sheds, bunkhouse and main house, he noticed a new addition. Tucked behind a grove of trees, to the left of the main house was another house that had been built while he was gone.
Was it Keira’s? he wondered as he pulled into the yard.
Then, as he made that final turn, he saw her.
Her face was hidden by a misshapen cowboy hat pulled low over her head and a red knitted scarf wound around her neck. A too-large, worn oilskin coat flapped around her legs, meeting laced sheepskin boots.
It could have been anyone.
Except Tanner knew that sideways tilt of her head, how she always bunched her hands inside the sleeves of her coats. How, even bundled in winter clothes, he recognized the way her purposeful stride ate up the ground.
His heart gave an unwelcome thump and his foot hit the brake too hard. His truck slid a foot or two on the packed snow, then came to a halt just as Keira Bannister looked up.
He knew the moment she saw him. Her hands fell out of her sleeves and dropped to her sides. Her narrow chin came up and her lips thinned. Even though her bangs hung well over her eyes, he caught a glitter in their blue depths that matched the chill of the sky above them. She looked angry, which puzzled him, which, in turn, made him angry.
She was the one who had broken up with him. He was the one who, if his life was a country song, had been done wrong. What right did she have to be angry?
He was the one who had tried to get them back together after their breakup when he’d returned from that string of rodeos they’d fought about. But when he’d come back to Saddlebank, she’d disappeared. Hadn’t responded to any of his calls, emails or texts. Absolute silence. And on top of that, she hadn’t even bothered showing up at his stepbrother’s funeral two years ago. Keira had known David almost as well as she’d known Tanner. But in no way did she acknowledge the loss of Tanner’s stepbrother and rodeo partner. She hadn’t bothered to send a note, a card, not even the courtesy of a simple text message.
What right did she have to look so angry?
Their gazes held a moment and in spite of the raft of negative feelings the sight of her created, woven through them all was an emotion older and deeper than that new anger and frustration. An emotion that had grown and matured as they grew up together, friends, confidants and then sweethearts.
Tanner swallowed, as if the tightening of his throat could keep those older feelings from rising up. He was surprised at how easily they returned when he saw her. He had heard, via his stepmother, Alice, that Keira had come back to Saddlebank two years ago. A month after David’s funeral.
He knew nothing more than that. After David’s death Tanner had had no reason to return to Saddlebank so he had stayed away, working in the mechanic business that had been part of the reason he and Keira had broken up.
He took a deep breath, clapped his hat on his head and stepped out of the pickup into the chill wind that whistled down from the mountains. The sooner he got this done, the sooner he could be on his way.
He closed his truck door, tugged on his gloves, turned up the collar of his woolen coat against the cold wind that cut through the yard and walked toward Keira.
She watched him as he came, her head up, her mouth still a tight line, her cheeks a rosy glow. Blond strands of hair had slipped free from her hat and caught the wind, waving in front of her face. She batted them away, her eyes on him.
Beautiful as ever.
He caught the errant thought and pushed it back into the past.
“Hey, Keira,” he said as he approached her. He stopped himself from adding the ubiquitous how are you doing because it seemed superfluous.
“Hey, Tanner,” was her tight reply, her breath creating wisps of vapor tugged by the wind as she tucked her wayward hair back under her hat. She reached down and petted her dog, Sugar, on his head, then shot another look at Tanner.
Sugar released a gentle whine, then trotted over to Tanner and sniffed at him. Then he sat down, looking up as if expecting something from him.
“Hey, Sugar,” Tanner said, petting the dog, who seemed happier to see him than Keira did.
He looked back at her. They stood facing each other a moment, like combatants trying to decide who would make the first move. Guess it was up to him. “So how’s your mother feeling?” he asked as Sugar stretched, then returned to Keira’s side.
“Today is a better day, according to your mom.” She angled her chin toward the main ranch house. “You going in to see Alice? She’s there right now.”
“I will in a few minutes.” Tanner’s stepmother was a home care nurse and right now her job was taking care of Keira’s mother, Ellen Bannister, as well as babysitting Adana, John’s little girl. John Argall was the ranch’s hired hand. Ellen had taken care of Adana until she had broken her neck in a freak fall and was now recuperating under Alice’s supervision. “I’m actually here to see Monty. He around?”
Keira shoved her hands back in her sleeves as her hair came free again. “He went to Saddlebank to get the mail and meet up with his cronies at the Grill and Chill. You can call him on his cell.”
Tanner did a double take. “Monty has a cell phone? Those are words I never thought I’d hear.” He couldn’t imagine Monty, a hidebound Luddite and proud of it, packing a cell phone.
“Yeah. He got it when Mom had her neck fusion surgery done.” Keira’s hesitant tone generated a thrum of sympathy.
“I was sorry to hear about the accident,” Tanner said. “Must have been scary.”
“It was. We’re thankful that nothing...nothing worse happened. It was a bad fall.”
Keira’s gaze ticked over his, and for a moment he wondered if she was going to say anything about David. Though two years had passed since the accident that killed his brother, Keira and Tanner hadn’t seen each other since his death.
But nothing.
Instead, Keira lifted her chin, staring directly at him. Her challenging attitude disturbed him, but it hurt him more. “What do you need to see my dad about?”
“I have a saddle I want him to fix,” Tanner said. “Maybe I can drop it off and he can call me later?”
“Dad doesn’t do much leather work anymore,” was Keira’s curt reply.
This was a surprise. Monty had been in the saddle-making business since he was a boy. He had learned the craft from his father and was a sought-after leather artisan. He had crafted numerous saddles given as awards in rodeos all over the Western states. The last Tanner had heard, Refuge Ranch Leatherworks was still a going concern. “I didn’t think your dad would quit until someone dragged him out of here. When did that happen?”
“Since the doctor told him to slow down, and I took over.”
Tanner frowned at that, trying to process this information.
“So if you want your saddle looked at, I’m the one you need to talk to,” Keira said. Then she spun around and ducked into the shop, Sugar right on her heels. Tanner wasn’t sure whether her abrupt departure meant the conversation was over or that he should follow her into the shop.
He assumed the latter, returned to his truck and pulled the bronc saddle out of the cab. He walked to the shop, and stepped inside.
After the glare of the sun on the snow outside, Tanner had to pause and let his vision adjust to the darker interior. He pulled his hat off then looked around the space of a shop that was once as familiar to him as his own home. He would often keep Keira company here when she did piecework for her father. He’d loved watching as she cut and stitched and did the intricate leather tooling on the saddles Monty was known for.
Neither Keira’s older brother, Lee, or sister, Heather, were interested in the business that their father had taken over from his father. Heather’s focus was barrel racing and Lee... Well, Lee liked his fun, running around with his buddy Mitch and, at times, Tanner’s brother, David.
Keira was moving some pieces of cut leather off the heavy butcher-block worktable dominating the center of the building as Tanner set the saddle on it.
Across from the table, rows of shelves stacked with boxes holding grommets, snaps, buckles and rigging D’s and other hardware necessary for saddle making filled most of the wall. Beside the shelves hung stirrups made of metal, or leather-covered wood, all lined up by size and shape. Next to them stood an old rolltop desk that held binders of photos of completed projects to show prospective customers.
Sugar lay on an old worn rug lying by the chair as he always did when Keira worked here.
The other corner of the shop was taken up by three industrial sewing machines. Beside them, perched on a saddle rack, was a half-finished saddle.
What had changed most was the wall opposite him. Monty used to hang pictures of finished saddles on it. Now shelves holding wallets, belts, briefcases and purses took up that space. Obviously a new venture for Refuge Ranch Leatherworks.
Keira brushed a few remnants of leather from the table, then adjusted a pile of cardboard patterns. Fussy work that kept her attention off him.
“Since when did you start cutting, stitching and stamping again?” Tanner asked, slipping his hands in the pockets of his jacket.
“When I came back. About two years ago.”
And a month after David’s funeral, he had discovered. Once again he wondered why she hadn’t attended the funeral. Once again the pain of her absence cut. He brushed the old feelings aside. They belonged to a past he’d closed the door on a long time ago.
“Looks like you’ve got a few other projects in the pipeline,” he said.
Keira rested her hands on the table in front of her, looking resolutely ahead at the wall of manufactured items Tanner guessed were made right here by her. “I’ve been taking the business in another direction,” was all she said.
“Pretty ambitious. Do you still do saddles?”
“I do a few. Dad helps out, and also helps me with the small work from time to time. He can’t stay completely out of it.” Her gaze skittered off him and onto the saddle now lying on the table between them. “That looks ragged.”
Tanner ran his hand over the misshapen cantle and adjusted the worn stirrups. “Last ride was a bit of a rodeo, if you’ll pardon the expression.” If it were his saddle, he would have junked it. But this saddle held memories, and he needed it fixed.
Keira shot him a frown. “You still riding? I thought you were done when you bought that mechanic shop in Sheridan, Wyoming?”
“I was, but I thought I’d take one more run at the NFR this year.”
Before his brother died, David had qualified for the National Finals Rodeo in Las Vegas. After Tanner got over his grief, he promised himself he would do one last rodeo season in David’s honor, aiming to qualify for the NFR himself. This was that season and he had done well. He felt that God had honored his request to ride in the NFR for David. Had some good rides and made some good money. He’d gotten some injuries on his quest, but in a couple of weeks he would be riding in Vegas and he was determined to do it on David’s saddle.
He was equally determined to win. Maybe then he could lay his guilt over David’s death to rest.
“Wow, it certainly got a working over,” she said, examining the saddle carefully.
Her throaty voice was even. Well modulated. If anyone were listening, they would think she was talking to a complete stranger.
Not her former fiancé.
“The horse I drew was a bad spinner,” Tanner said. “Should have known when he looked back at me with those beady brown eyes. I thought I had him from the mark out but then he set me up. When he rolled back, everything went south. Landed on the saddle and fought for a while. Worst of it all, I was riding slack. Wasn’t even a performance.” Tanner caught himself midexplanation, aware that he was talking too much. It was a problem he had when he was nervous. He shut his mouth, then caught Keira’s puzzled look.
“You hurt your shoulder?” she asked.
Tanner hadn’t even realized he’d rolled his injured shoulder till she pointed it out. “It’s nothing.” It was more than nothing, but he didn’t want her sympathy. If she cared enough to give it.
Keira gave him a curt nod as she continued her inspection.
Tanner cleared his throat, wishing he felt less self-conscious in Keira’s presence. He’d struggled for the past six years to forget her. To forget how she had chosen to walk away from him without a word, without a response to his request to reconcile their broken engagement. An engagement she had called off. It had been a long, hard-won victory over his emotions and his past, and even in spite of losing David, he felt as if he had come to a better place in his life. A place where he could look ahead instead of always thinking about the “could-have-beens.”
Coming back here was a test for him. Keira’s continued hold on his heart had been preventing him from building new relationships.
He had hoped that by seeing Keira again he might finally be able to put her place in his life in perspective. Maybe even rid himself of her ever-present shadow.
Trouble was, now that he saw her again, he wasn’t sure if that was even possible.
* * *
Keira wished she could keep her hands from trembling as she handled the saddle under Tanner’s watchful gaze. What was wrong with her? She was prepared for Tanner’s arrival. Alice, Tanner’s stepmother, had mentioned it a couple of days ago. Had even given a date.
Yet, seeing him now, his brown eyes edged with sooty lashes and framed by the slash of dark brows, the hard planes of his face emphasized by the stubble shadowing his jaw and cheeks, brought back painful memories Keira thought she had put aside.
He looked the same and yet different. Harder. Leaner. He wore his sandy brown hair longer; brushing the collar of his shirt, giving him a reckless look at odds with the Tanner she had once known.
And loved.
She sucked in a rapid breath as she turned over the saddle, the wooden stirrups thumping dully on the table. Tanner seemed to fill the cramped shop, and Keira sensed his every movement.
Keep your focus on your work, she reminded herself, pulling her attention back to the broken saddle she was examining.
“So? What’s the verdict, Latigo Kid?” Tanner asked.
His casual use of the old nickname he always used for her caught her off guard. And when her startled gaze caught his surprised one, she guessed the name had fallen out unintentionally.
She dragged her attention back to the saddle. “I don’t know if it’s worth fixing this,” she said quietly, examining the bottom, then the stirrup leathers. “Back billet is broken. The swell cover is ripped and it looks pretty rough. You’ve worked it over pretty good with that wire brush.”
“Resin stays on better that way.”
Keira acknowledged his comment with a quick nod. Saddle bronc riders often sprinkled resin on their saddles to help them stay seated. The wire brush roughed up the leather so the resin stuck better.
“The stirrup leathers should be replaced,” she said, continuing her litany of repairs. “You’ll need new latigos, and the D rings need to be reattached if not replaced. It’ll be a lot of work.”
Tanner sighed as he tugged his gloves off and shoved them in the pocket of his worn plaid jacket. “But can you fix it?”
“I’d need to take it apart to see. It might need a whole new tree. If that’s the case, two weeks?” She was pleased at how even her voice sounded. At how businesslike she could be. As if he was simply another customer.
“That’s cutting it close,” Tanner said, scratching his cheek with his index finger. “I know you’ve got other projects going on, but is it possible to get it done quicker?”
Keira would have preferred not to work on it at all. It would mean that, instead of him dropping in to say hello to his mother and then leaving, Tanner would be around more often so she could fit the saddle and make the necessary adjustments.
So far she was doing okay with seeing him. It had taken her years to relegate Tanner to the shadowy recesses of her mind. She didn’t know if she could maintain any semblance of the hard-won peace she now experienced if she had to see him more often. Tanner was too ingrained in her past and too connected to memories she had spent hours in prayer trying to bury.
“I’m gonna need it for the National Finals in Vegas in a couple of weeks,” Tanner continued. “I was hoping to practice on it before that.”
“Your mother said you had qualified. That’s quite a feat.” Keira knew this from terse comments Alice dropped here and there, but overall Alice kept most news of Tanner to herself, and Keira didn’t press for more. She knew she had no right to know what was going on in Tanner’s life. Not after she’d left him the way she had.
“I placed third overall in the regular season,” Tanner said. “Missed a few rodeos cause of injuries, so I’m hoping to do better in Vegas.”
Tanner and his brother, David, had ridden the rodeo together since they first qualified as novices. They had both rode saddle broncs and competed in the same rodeos, often working their way up the ranks together.
In fact, it was Tanner’s involvement in rodeo that had been one of the points of contention between them when she and Tanner were dating. She hated watching him risk his life each time he mounted a saddle bronc. She also hated the fact that after his father died, instead of working on the Circle C Ranch, he had taken a job working as a mechanic’s apprentice. Between his work and rodeoing, they’d hardly seen each other. She had always thought he would take over his father’s ranch. He’d been working on it since he was a boy, but after Cyrus Fortier died, Tanner went to work full-time as a mechanic. He couldn’t get work in Saddlebank or Bozeman, and ended up working for a mechanic in Sheridan, Wyoming, a five-hour drive from the ranch. They had fought bitterly about that, and Tanner wouldn’t tell her why he had taken on the work. She’d finally found out after their worst fight, when she’d ended their engagement, that Tanner’s stepmother had inherited the ranch and all the holdings. But by the time she’d found out, it was too late to talk about it. She had already given him his ring back and had moved on.
“I heard you’re still doing mechanic work, as well?”
“Still pulling wrenches except last year I bought out the owner. Now I’m the boss, which means I can take off when I want. I took over the shop in Sheridan after a good rodeo run. The same one I started working on before—” He cut himself off there, but didn’t need to finish. Keira knew exactly what he meant.
Before that summer when she left Tanner and Saddlebank, without allowing him the second chance he so desperately wanted. Before that summer when everything changed.
A heavy silence dropped between them as solid as a wall. Keira turned away, pushing the memories down again. Burying them deep where they couldn’t taunt her.
But Tanner’s very presence teased them to the surface.
Dear Lord, help me through this situation. I don’t have enough strength on my own.
She looked up at him to tell him she couldn’t work on the saddle, but as she did she felt a jolt of awareness. In his eyes she saw puzzlement and hurt. She tried to tear her gaze away but it was as if the old bond that had once connected them still bound them to each other.
Her resolve weakened and against her better judgment she took another look at the saddle, weighing, judging. “I don’t know....” Her voice trailed off. She wasn’t sure she wanted to have anything more to do with Tanner than she could possibly avoid. Fixing his saddle would put them in each other’s paths far too often.
“I’d appreciate it if you could fix it. It means a lot to me.” His conciliatory tone, so at odds with the faint mockery that had laced his words previously, caught her off guard.
She sighed, wondering again if she was letting sentiment dictate her actions. She turned the saddle over again, looking at it more closely. Then she frowned.
“This saddle has some initials stamped on it,” she said quietly, turning the leather of the skirt over to show him. “I can’t make it out.”
“D.F. David Fortier. It was my brother’s saddle.”
David’s saddle. Keira’s heart, already overworked, kicked up another notch. “Why are you using it?” She pulled her hands away.
“In honor of him. We were getting to the end of the season when he died. He had qualified for the NFR. I promised myself to finish what he started. It took me two years, but here I am.”
Keira turned the saddle over again with trembling hands, then set it carefully aside. “I’m sorry, Tanner. I can’t fix the saddle for you.”
“What? Why not?” Tanner shot her a frustrated scowl. “I thought you said it would take two weeks.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think I can find two weeks to work on it. I’ll get you the card of someone who might be able to help you,” she said, turning her back to him as she rummaged through the old wooden desk, her hands trembling again as she pulled a business card out of one of the drawers. Sugar, startled out of his sleep, stood and looked up at her, his head tilted to one side as if wondering what she was doing.
Keira took a deep breath, sent up another prayer then handed the card to Tanner.
He took it then frowned. “Landolt?”
“He does good work.”
“Not as good as Monty. And you.”
Keira’s hand lowered as she looked from the card Tanner held to the saddle laying on the table. It was as if that inanimate object encapsulated so much of what lay between her and Tanner. And what could never be changed.
“There’s another guy in Idaho who dad refers people to,” she said, turning back to her desk. “I’ll see if I have his information.”
Just then the door of the shop opened, bringing in the chill of the outdoors and a flash of sunlight. Sugar jumped up and ran to the door.
“Well, well. If it isn’t Tanner Fortier.” Her father’s voice boomed into the silence as he shut the door behind him, closing off the cold and the light.
Keira turned in time to see Tanner enveloped in a bear hug by her tall, lean father. Monty was easily six feet tall but Tanner topped him by a couple of inches. Monty pulled back, shaking his head as he looked Tanner over. “You look like some castaway cowboy,” he teased, clapping a hand on Tanner’s worn jacket.
“I feel like one,” Tanner retorted as a truly genuine smile softened his harsh features, put a sparkle in his dark eyes and disturbed Keira’s equilibrium. “Been a busy season.”
“You did well, I understand. Enough to qualify for the NFR. Good stuff. Proud of you, son.” Monty beamed his approval. He had always liked Tanner. Solid, dependable. Hardworking.
An overall great guy. Someone Monty easily called son as he had while he and Keira were dating. When they got engaged, her parents were thrilled. Part of that happiness was because Monty and Ellen needed some good news in their lives. Their oldest son, Lee, had just been sent to prison, and Keira’s older sister, Heather, had just moved to New York against their wishes. The engagement of a Fortier to a Tanner had been the one bright spot in that horrible year.
Keira’s heart stuttered again.
“So what do we have here?” Monty was saying as he picked up the saddle. “Not this saddle’s first rodeo.”
“I brought it here hoping you could fix it.”
Monty turned the saddle over and smiled. “I made this one,” he said. “For your brother, David.”
“I was just telling Tanner that we don’t have time to work on it,” Keira said, praying again as she caught Tanner’s confused gaze in her peripheral vision.
“Of course we have time,” he said, his frown showing her he didn’t get her unspoken message. “For Tanner, we make time.”
“We’ve got an exhibition to get stuff ready for and that order from that store in Seattle,” Keira replied, wishing she could keep the pleading tone out of her voice. She had no concrete reason not to do the job, nor was she about to get into specifics.
“Get Allison to come in and help you,” Monty said. “Or I can pitch in.”
“The doctor said you had to slow down. I don’t want you working too much.”
Monty waved off her concerns then turned to Tanner. “Just leave it here, son. We’ll get it fixed up for you one way or the other.”
Keira maintained a veneer of tense restraint but she felt it slipping. She wasn’t going to look at Tanner, but as if her eyes had their own will, they turned to him.
It wasn’t hard to see the hurt and puzzlement on his face, and for a moment she prayed for a return to the muted anger he had shown when he’d first come in.
That would be easier to deal with.
God had been her refuge and strength the past few years. Her strong fortress. And from the way events were moving now, she would need His strength more than ever in the next few weeks.
Chapter Two (#u76c2797f-a67d-5933-abee-84cd115bf199)
“You better come up to the house,” Monty said as Keira moved the saddle over to the workbench.
Tanner shot another look at Keira, still baffled at her hesitation, but then turned his attention back to Monty. “Yes. I’d like to see how Ellen’s doing,” he said.
“And your mother,” Monty added. “She’s been looking forward to your visit.”
Tanner doubted that. He and his stepmother had never been close and less so since David’s death. She had never come out and said it, but he knew she blamed him for the accident. And why not? Tanner blamed himself, as well. If he had been more insistent, he would have been driving his stepbrother back to the hotel. And both he and David would have made it safely to Cheyenne.
“Are you coming, Keira?” Monty asked as he dropped his worn cowboy hat on his head.
“Maybe later. I’ve got to cut out some wallets before I quit for the day.”
“Can’t that wait?” Monty asked.
“No. Not if we have to work on Tanner’s saddle, too.” Keira’s unexpectedly sharp tone grated on Tanner. But he shook off his frustration.
He’d gotten his first visit with Keira out of the way. Though he’d hoped his heart wouldn’t race at the sight of her, at least that was done. Maybe next time he saw her he would feel more even-keeled.
Help me, Lord, he prayed as he clapped his hat on his head. Help me get through this emotional tangle.
He turned up the collar of his jacket and followed Monty out of the shop and over the snow-covered yard to the house, shivering as he stepped from the warmth of the shop into the chill of the outside air. Help me get through the next couple of days. Help me stay focused on what I set out to do.
He felt guilty praying to God right now. Living the life of a rodeo cowboy wasn’t always conducive to a robust spiritual life. Too many late nights. Too many weekends taken up with riding and work and getting over injuries. Then back to work, only to repeat the same weekend cycle.
But he knew God was real, and right now he needed all the help he could get.
The snow squeaked under their feet, showing him how cold it was outside. Thanksgiving was just around the corner, and there were still months of winter ahead. Tanner looked out over the hills blanketed with snow undulating to mountains sharply etched against a sky so blue it hurt his eyes. Gray clouds were piling up on the horizon, hinting at potential winter storms.
But for now the sun shone on Refuge Ranch, sparkling off the snow-covered hills.
“The house won’t be as noisy as usual,” Monty explained as they walked toward the it. “Ellen usually takes care of John’s little girl, but he’s got her today. He’s doing some bookwork in his house.”
“I heard that he came back here with his daughter after his wife died. That’s a sad story.”
“It is. But Adana’s a little treasure and we’re all pretty crazy about her. Taking care of her is a small price to pay to have John back. His father was the best hand a rancher could ask for, and John has the same cattle smarts his father did.”
“John was always a good, solid guy,” Tanner said. “I always thought he and Heather were a better match than her and Mitch.”
“Didn’t we all,” Monty said, shooting Tanner a look, as if he was thinking the same thing about him and Keira.
Tanner kept his comments to himself. No sense in digging up the past.
They walked up the steps, and Tanner pulled open the door to the porch.
“Got company,” Monty boomed as the porch door fell shut behind them.
Warmth from the adjoining kitchen slowly penetrated the many layers of clothing Tanner had on. He stripped off his coat and hung it and his hat on an empty hanger in the porch. Then he toed off his boots, set them aside and followed Monty into the familiar coziness of the ranch house.
“We fixed up the kitchen since you been here,” Monty said as he led Tanner through the room as familiar to him as the kitchen on his parents’ ranch. “Ellen had a notion she wanted some fancy new stove and fridge and granite countertops. Place looks like a dairy barn with all these shiny appliances far as I’m concerned,” he said, waving a dismissive hand at the stainless-steel stove, refrigerator and dishwasher. “At least she kept the table in the nook.”
A large bay window with French doors opening to a snow-covered deck was home to a small wooden table with mismatched chairs that, Tanner knew, were part of Monty’s father and grandfather’s ranch house that this house had replaced.
“Still looks cozy,” Tanner said, stopping by the table. He remembered drinking many a cup of hot chocolate in the winter or root beer in the summer at this table when he and Keira were dating. Refuge Ranch had truly lived up to its name when his own home had been a place of discord and conflict. Tanner’s father, Cyrus, had married Alice less than a year after his wife’s death, when Tanner was only three. David was born within the first year of that marriage. While David and Tanner always got along, Tanner remembered many fights between Cyrus and Alice, though he never knew the cause.
Yet in spite of their antagonism, Alice had inherited the entire ranch when Cyrus died. Tanner had suspected that his father had neglected to change his will as he had always promised Tanner he would. To be fair, his father hadn’t planned on having a heart attack when he was still in his prime, but still...
Then, shortly after the funeral, Alice had made it crystal clear that her son David would be the one to run the ranch. Not Tanner.
He had kept the shame and pain of it to himself after his father’s death, unable to tell Keira.
All throughout their courtship she talked about moving to the Fortier ranch and how they would fix it up. Tanner knew how much she loved the wide-open spaces of the ranch and the valley. He knew how hard it would be for her to move into town. Too proud to tell her exactly why, he started working as a mechanic, trying to to scrape enough money together to find a small place outside town and still find a way for him to make a living. Weekends were spent rodeoing. Things had slowly been coming together and he’d weathered their fights, hoping to present it to her once he had a place to buy. Only then did he mean to tell her about his father’s will and the repercussions for them.
He’d obviously waited too long. After one particularly bad fight about why he was gone so much and working so hard, she had given him back his ring. After a long spell of work and rodeoing, he realized he had to tell her about Cyrus’s will. He called her, saying that he had important news. Nothing.
Then he texted her. Again, nothing.
He came back to Saddlebank to talk to her in person, but she was gone. She couldn’t or wouldn’t give him that second chance or any explanation why.
He hadn’t heard from her since.
“Hey, ladies, look who I brought,” Monty announced as they stepped into the large, exposed-beamed living room. A fire crackled in the woodstove, generating a welcome heat.
His stepmother sat on a leather easy chair, facing him, her blond hair cut in a serviceable page boy, dark framed glasses emphasizing her green eyes. She wore a white shirt, black chinos and sensible white shoes, all of which combined to make her look precisely like the nurse she was.
Ellen sat with her back to him, her long brown hair, tinged with gray, pulled back in a ponytail hanging over the large brace that held her neck and upper chest immobilized. She sat upright in a chair and as she slowly got to her feet Tanner winced at the sight of the brace.
“I know, I know, I look like an alien,” Ellen said, her voice sounding restricted and strained. “I hope I don’t scare you too much. I’d still like a hug.”
“Be careful,” Monty whispered, detaining Tanner a moment. “She’s still in a lot of pain.”
Tanner nodded and slowly approached Ellen and, bending over, brushed a gentle kiss on her cheek. “Sorry, Ellen, that’s all you get from me for now.”
She smiled up at him and reached up to touch his face, then blanched in pain. “I keep thinking I can do what I used to. But it’s great to see you again. Though you look tired.”
“Been a long drive,” was all he said, glancing over at his stepmother. “Hello, Alice,” he said.
Alice set her cup aside, brushed her hands over her pants and slowly rose to greet him, as well. That Ellen, in spite of her disability, was quicker to greet him than his stepmother rankled.
Alice walked over and managed a perfunctory hug then pulled back, folding her arms over her chest. “Hello, Tanner. Good to see you. How have you been?”
“Good.” He struggled to think of what else to say. Since that horrible conversation when she’d accused him of causing David’s death, every exchange with her was stilted and strained.
The problem was, her accusations—spoken and unspoken—only underlined what he had always thought himself.
If he hadn’t let David stay behind to spend time with that girl, David would still be alive.
Monty walked over to his wife and kissed her lightly on the cheek. “How are you feeling, my dear?” Concern laced his voice and Ellen gave him a faint smile.
“Exactly the same as I did when you left two hours ago to go coffee drinking,” she said, a note of humor in her voice. “Would you like some coffee, Tanner?”
“Sorry, but I’d like to get back to the ranch and catch up on some phone calls and paperwork.” He caught a frown from Alice. “If that’s okay?” he added.
His stepmother shook her head with an expression of regret. “I’m sorry, but you can’t. I thought while I was here taking care of Ellen, I would get some renovations done on the house,” she said. “So it isn’t livable right now. In fact, I’ve been staying here at the ranch the past couple of nights.”
“So you’re saying I should stay somewhere else?”
“Might be a good idea.”
Her voice held a bite that he was too tired to interpret.
“You can stay here,” Monty said, slapping Tanner on the back. “Give you a chance to spend time with your mother, catch up with us. Keep tabs on your saddle’s repair.”
His stepmother didn’t seem pleased with the idea and he guessed that Keira would feel much the same.
“I don’t think so,” Tanner said. “I’ll try to find a place in town instead.”
“Don’t know if you’ll be able to,” Monty said. “There’s some hockey tournament going on this weekend in Saddlebank. Fairly sure the few hotels we got are full. So I guess you’re stuck here.”
Tanner stifled a sigh, feeling as if he was slowly getting pushed into a tight corner. Never a good place to be. “I’m not sure—”
“Not sure about what? We got plenty of room. John is staying in the house his parents used to live in, and our last hired hand quit on us so the bunkhouse is empty. You can stay there. It’s all ready to go. Trust me, its no problem.”
Tanner was about to object again but felt that doing so would make him look ungrateful and un-neighborly. He eased out a smile. “Sure. I guess I can stay. I’m only here for a couple of days.”
“It will take longer than that to fix David’s saddle,” Monty said. “Besides, you can help. You know a few things about saddle repair. You and Keira used to hang out at the shop all the time.”
“David’s saddle?” Alice glanced from Tanner to Monty, looking confused. “Why does Monty need to fix David’s saddle?”
“I’ve been using it all season and it needs some work,” Tanner said, glancing over at his stepmother. “It got a real working over the last time I competed.”
“You’ve been using it this year?” Alice asked.
“All year,” Tanner replied. “It’s been a busy run.”
“When are you ever going to quit the rodeo?” Ellen asked, a note of disappointment lacing her voice. “Surely your mechanic work keeps you busy enough?”
“It does. But I’ve got some good workers who are running it for me. Just hired a foreman last year so I could do this one last circuit.”
“Will this really be the last?” Monty asked. “I know you cowboys. You don’t quit until you’re dragged from the arena on a backboard. Surely you need to decide when the time comes...” He let the sentence fade away but Tanner finished it for him.
“To hang up my rigging and my spurs,” Tanner said. “Yeah. I know. Hopefully this year will be that year.”
“Why are you using David’s saddle?” Alice asked. “Don’t you have your own?”
Tanner was silent a moment, trying to find the right way to answer her.
“I do. But I wanted to finish what David started before...before he died.” It had been two years since David’s death, and those words could still cut like a knife. “So I thought I would use his saddle and dedicate the season to him. I want to take the saddle all the way to the NFR. But it got busted up at the last rodeo. Monty said he would fix it for me so I could finish with it at Las Vegas.”
He hadn’t told Alice what he’d been doing. He had hoped to surprise her after the season was over and give her David’s saddle as a memento. Tell her face-to-face why he did what he did. Hope that, by some miracle, she would grant him some measure of absolution.
Their eyes held and for a moment, her smile softened and he recognized it for what it was. A small movement toward forgiveness. Then she gave a curt nod and her mouth shifted into the polite smile he knew only too well.
“I think that’s admirable,” she said, her tone impersonal. “I’ll guess we’ll have to see how you do in the end.”
The end. For a brief moment Tanner wondered if there would be an end to his quest. To his desire for some type of reconciliation with the only person he could legitimately call family. His father and stepbrother were gone. He and Alice only had each other. All his life he’d hoped for some kind of relationship with her. While she may not have given birth to him, in truth, she had been the only mother he’d ever know.
But now, as ever, her manner was aloof, reserved and cool.
Time to go.
“So, the bunkhouse?” Tanner asked Monty.
“It’s all fixed up. Do you want me to bring you there? It’s not locked.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll come over with clean sheets for the bed,” Alice said, getting up from her chair.
“Just tell me where they are. I can make a bed.” She was the one who had taught him, after all.
“Of course. I’ll get them for you.”
She left and Tanner caught Ellen watching him, the neck and chest brace supporting her head giving her a vulnerable look. “We’ve missed you, Tanner. I’m glad you’re staying here.” Her voice, sounding so strained created an extra poignancy.
“I’m glad I’m back, too,” he said quietly, though staying on the ranch with Keira so close by was not how he had envisioned his temporary stay.
His mother came back with a stack of sheets and some towels. “I gave you extra. Just in case.”
Tanner gave her a tight nod, then took a step back. “I better get myself set up.”
“And we’ll see you for supper tonight?”
Resistance rose up again but the expectant looks on Monty’s and Ellen’s faces quashed it. Surely he could manage this for these dear people, who had been such a part of his life so long?
“Sure. What time?”
“Come at six.”
He gave them another smile, glanced over at his mother, who stood with her arms crossed, her stolid expression making him wonder if he had imagined that momentary bond.
A few moments later he was walking toward his truck, his breath creating clouds of fog in the chill winter air. He stopped at the truck, dug his keys out of his pocket one-handed and caught a movement from the saddle shop.
Keira stood in the doorway and his heart pounded doubletime in his chest. For a moment his thoughts drifted back to times he would help her in the shop, then go out for a ride in the hills. He watched her a moment, but he could see her eyes weren’t on him. They were on the mountains just beyond the edges of Refuge Ranch.
Her arms were wrapped around her midsection. Then, to his surprise, he saw her hand swipe at her cheeks.
As if she were crying.
* * *
“Excellent meal, Ellen,” Tanner said as he set his knife and fork on his plate and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I haven’t had a good Angus steak for ages.”
“I’m glad you could be here to share it with us,” Monty replied, taking another bite.
“Keira made supper,” Ellen said, taking a careful sip of the smoothie Alice had concocted for her. “She’s learned to cook.”
“That’s a surprise,” Tanner said, glancing over at Keira. “I didn’t think you enjoyed cooking.”
Keira managed a half smile at his attempt to engage her in conversation, then looked back down at the steamed vegetables she’d spent the past ten minutes pushing around her plate. She knew what Tanner was thinking. Ever since she was a young girl she would try to find a way to get out of any kind of kitchen duty. Ellen and Keira’s sister, Heather, were the ones who cooked, baked, made jam and gardened.
Keira had always been more interested in tagging along behind her father, helping him in the shop and helping him and her brother, Lee, work the cows.
“I’ve learned a few other skills lately,” she said, stabbing a piece of cauliflower with her fork.
“I can see that,” Tanner said.
She wanted to look at him but chose to keep her attention on the plate in front of her.
Keira, her parents, Alice and Tanner were gathered around the large table that filled the dining area tucked away in one corner of the large open main floor. The lights around them were turned low, a fire crackled and popped in the stone fireplace. Curtains were drawn across the windows, creating a peaceful and cozy ambience.
But for Keira the meal had been an ordeal. Tanner had ended up sitting across from her, and every time she looked up she caught him watching her, then giving her a faintly mocking smile.
Tanner had always been someone who deflected with sarcasm and could put on a cynical facade with people he didn’t care for.
But he’d never been that way with her. Which was why his half smile and slightly hooded eyes created not only a deep discomfort but also a pain that she felt she had no right to experience.
“It’s been a long time since I enjoyed a meal here,” Tanner said, turning his attention back to Monty and Ellen. “Actually it’s been a long time since I had a home-cooked meal, period.”
“I know how you feel,” Ellen said, setting her smoothie down. “I’ll be so happy to be off this liquid diet and sink my teeth into a juicy steak or pork chop soon.”
Monty patted her lightly on the arm. “Patience is a virtue,” he said with a smile.
“Spoken by the man who just finished an eight ounce sirloin,” Ellen returned with a fake glower. “But I should be thankful for small mercies. Only ten more weeks, four days and twenty hours till this thing comes off.”
“Not that you’re counting,” Tanner said with a grin.
“Can you tell she’s a bit testy?” Monty asked. He glanced over at Keira. “Honey, are you feeling okay? You’ve hardly eaten anything.”
“I’m not hundred percent,” was her vague reply. Which was the truth. Ever since Tanner had come into the shop, she felt as if her emotions had been tossed over like a bucket of nails she didn’t know how to gather up again.
She took a bite of her now cold cauliflower, choked it down and decided to give up on eating altogether.
“Is everyone done?” she asked, glancing around the table as she reached for the bowl of potatoes.
“What’s the rush?” Monty asked, stopping her by placing his hand on her arm. “We can sit awhile.”
“No rush. Just want to get this cleared off,” Keira said. “I want to get back to the shop to finish up a few things before tomorrow.”
Her father held her gaze, a faint frown wrinkling his forehead as if trying to see into her mind.
Tanner wasn’t the only one who didn’t know all the reasons she had left Saddlebank all those years ago. Though she had kept in touch with her parents, she had never answered all their questions about her and Tanner’s broken engagement. Her mother and father had dropped some gentle hints, but for the most part they had never probed too deeply.
“If you want to go out to the shop, I can take care of the dishes,” Monty said. He got up but suddenly his cell phone beeped. He glanced at it, then emitted a huge sigh.
“Everything okay?” Ellen asked.
Monty shook his head. “Not really. Giesbrook just called John. He wants those heifers delivered tomorrow.”
“You have to go all the way to Missoula on Sunday?” Keira asked, suddenly concerned.
“Not until later on in the day. I’d like to get some work done on the saddle, but I won’t be able to finish it.” He gave her an apologetic look. “Do you mind finishing it up for me?”
Keira glared at her father. She did mind and he knew it. If she didn’t know better, she would have guessed he’d engineered this particular change in plans. But what else could she say with Tanner right there? So she nodded and started stacking the plates.
“I told you I’d do that, honey,” Monty said.
“No, you can’t,” Ellen protested. “You promised me and Alice a game of Scrabble after dinner.” Ellen glanced over at Tanner. “Tanner, do you mind helping Keira?”
“Never been too proud to do dishes,” Tanner said, getting to his feet, giving Keira a careful smile. But from the tightness of Tanner’s lips she guessed he was as unwilling to be around her as she was around him.
They cleared the dishes as Ellen, Monty and Alice retreated to a corner of the living room that held the game table. Monty held Ellen’s arm, guiding her awkward steps, but they made it to the table without mishap.
“Your mom seems frustrated,” Tanner said as they brought the dishes to the kitchen. “Not like her usual bubbly self.”
“She’s fragile and can’t do much for herself, but she hasn’t complained yet.” Keira stacked the plates by the sink and started cleaning them.
“I’m sure having Alice around helps a lot.”
“She’s helpful. Of course, part of the reason she’s here is because of her house getting fixed up.”
“I thought Alice was here to help your mother,” Tanner responded.
“She is, but she doesn’t need to be here 24/7.” She didn’t mind Alice, but having her around day and night was tiring.
She busied herself with scraping the leftover food off the plates. Tanner left to get more dishes and she took a deep breath, chiding herself for being such a wimp around him. Goodness, it had been years since they had seen each other. Surely she could get over this?
Tanner returned to the kitchen, and over the clink of cutlery and the swish of water over the plates, the only other sound was the muted laughter from Monty, Ellen and Alice playing Scrabble in the other room.
Keira reached for a plate just as Tanner did, and when their hands brushed, Keira jumped. She dropped the plate the same time he did and it clattered to the floor, shattering on the slate tile.
“Sorry.”
“My fault.”
They both spoke at once, both knelt at once and both tried to pick up the broken pieces at the same time.
Flustered, Keira grabbed blindly at a shard, which immediately cut into her hand. She yanked it back as blood dripped onto the floor.
“Here, let me help you with that,” Tanner said, catching her hand to hold it still.
She tried to pull back, which only made the blood flow more freely. “I can take care of this.” She didn’t want him touching her. Didn’t want him so close to her.
“Hold still,” Tanner said, frowning as they both stood up. “Where’s your first-aid kit?”
“It’s nothing. Just a small cut.” She tried once again to pull her hand free but she had forgotten how strong and stubborn he could be.
Tanner’s mouth thinned into a grim line. “Just tell me where the bandages are,” he growled.
“Is everything okay in there?” Keira heard her father call out.
“Just fine,” Tanner yelled back. Then he turned to Keira, grabbed a towel and wrapped it tightly around her hand. He made her sit down at the small table in the breakfast nook. “Now. Bandages?”
“There’s a first-aid kit in the bottom drawer of the island. Far left side.”
“Good girl.” He strode to the island, retrieved the kit, then brought it back to the table. He opened it, then found what he needed.
“Give me your hand,” he said, his voice now quiet as he ripped open a bandage.
Keira tamped down her reaction and held her hand out to him. He knelt down in front of her, carefully removed the towel, dabbed at the cut as he examined it. “You won’t need stitches,” he said as he quickly wrapped a bandage around the wound. “But you’ll need at least two bandages.”
Keira tried to distract herself from his large hands gently maneuvering the second bandage onto her cut. She felt the calluses on his palms, caught the familiar scent of the aftershave he used, the smell of the shampoo in his hair. The overhead light shone on his hair, bringing out a faint sheen of gold in the brown, and Keira found she had to make a fist of her free hand to stop herself from reaching up and smoothing it away from his face.
The way she always used to.
Just then he looked up and their eyes met. Held.
His expression softened. She couldn’t look away and for a moment it was as if all the years between them, all the events that kept them apart, had been erased.
“Is everything okay?”
Alice stood in the doorway of the kitchen, her arms folded over her chest.
And her presence brought stark reality back into the moment.
“I...I cut myself,” Keira murmured, pulling her hand out of Tanner’s.
“Oh, my. Here, let me help you,” Alice said, skirting the broken dish to get to Keira.
“It’s fine now,” Keira said, tucking her hand against her side as she got up. “Just a cut. Tanner bandaged it up.” She was about to walk back to finish the dishes when Alice stopped her.
“Why don’t you take my place at the Scrabble game?” Alice said. “Tanner and I can finish up.”
“Sure. That’s a good idea,” she said, thankful for the reprieve.
But as she walked past Tanner, she caught his cynical smile, firmly back in place.
She paused just outside the kitchen, where neither Alice and Tanner nor her parents could see her. She took a moment, leaning against the wall, trying to get her bearings.
A little help here, Lord, she prayed, willing her tangled emotions to find the peace and equilibrium she had managed to attain before Tanner had dropped back into her life.
All she had to do was get through the next few days, she reminded herself as she pinned a smile on her face and walked out to where her parents sat by the table. Dad will get the saddle fixed and Tanner—and all the memories and pain he evoked—could be out of her life. Soon.
Chapter Three (#ulink_36e03cbf-59d1-5891-acc9-28e56bbc01d3)
The last time he’d been in this church building was for David’s funeral.
Tanner stood in the back of the foyer of the Saddlebank Community Church, looking over the gathered people, painful memories leaning into him. He pushed away his sorrow as he thought of his father and his brother, both now buried in the graveyard beside the church. For a moment he wished he hadn’t come, but lately he had felt the old hunger for his faith gnawing at him.
He’d arranged to meet George Bamford, owner of the Grill and Chill, about a place he could stay while he waited for his saddle to get fixed. There was no way he was staying at Refuge Ranch another night.
So he had two reasons to come to church this morning.
“Welcome to our services.” An earnest-looking young man wearing a skinny black tie and mustard-yellow shirt with a badge that said Usher handed him a bulletin and added a broad smile. Tanner didn’t recognize him. “Are you visiting?”
“In a manner of speaking, yeah,” Tanner said, taking the bulletin.
“Let me find you a place to sit,” the young man said, spinning around and starting down the center aisle, giving Tanner no choice but to follow him.
He stopped at the end of a pew and waved at Tanner, who gave him a quick smile and was about to sit down when he froze.
Keira had just walked in, and was moving into the same pew, sitting down beside Brooke, her old friend.
He couldn’t sit here.
He was about to move on to another empty spot in the opposite pew when Keira looked over at him. It would look too strange if he moved now, so he settled into the pew. But he couldn’t help a surprised look at what Keira wore.
Her long-sleeved black T-shirt and pants, and stark ponytail were a far cry from the bright colors, swirly skirts, dresses and done-up hair that she used to favor. Many a Sunday morning he would come to Refuge Ranch to pick up Keira for church. He’d always had to wait as Keira and her sister, Heather, chose their makeup, clothing and jewelry.
Today she looked as if she didn’t want to draw attention to herself. As if she were trying to hide.
He shot her another glance, surprised to find her looking at him. Then a flush colored her cheeks and she looked quickly away, turning back to Brooke. But her friend was leaning past her, looking at Tanner, the faint frown on her face telegraphing her disapproval of his presence there.
For a moment he regretted coming. But he pulled in a breath, ignoring both of them and looking at the front of the church, centering himself. He was here to worship. He shouldn’t care what Keira or her friend Brooke thought.
The worship team was assembling at the front, another surprise for Tanner. For as long as he could remember, Laura McCauley had played the old organ, coaxing maximum volume for her favorite hymns, making it barely wheeze for the songs she didn’t care for. In fact, she had played for David’s funeral, a long, steady requiem of mournful songs that had served only to make Tanner even more depressed.
But this group started a lively song that got Tanner’s toe tapping though he didn’t recognize the song they were playing.
Halfway through the first song he felt a nudge on his shoulder.
“You’re in my spot, young man.”
He looked up, puzzled, then repressed a grin.
Keith McCauley glared down at him, his mustache quivering over tightly pursed lips.
He had forgotten that Mr. McCauley had always sat here. His three daughters always took up the space between him and Keira. But that was many years ago.
“So. You’re back,” Keith said, his frown easing as he recognized Tanner. “You don’t usually sit here.”
Tanner shook his head as he moved over to give Keith room yet still preserve some space between him and Keira. “No. Me and my family always sat in the back.”
Keith dropped into the pew beside him and let out a mournful sigh. Keith always had an air of long-suffering, which, Tanner suspected, had as much to do with his estranged daughters as it had with the arthritis he knew had been bothering the man as long as Tanner could remember. “So what you been doing since you left Saddlebank?” Mr. McCauley asked him.
“Been busy with work,” Tanner said with a polite smile. He knew his sudden appearance after a two-year absence would engender commentary, welcome or not.
“You sound like my daughters,” Keith grumped, tugging a folded-up bulletin out of the pocket of his shirt. “They’re always busy, too. Too busy to see their dad. After all I’ve done for them, all the sacrifices I made.”
Tanner kept his smile in place, fully understanding why Lauren, Jodie and Erin had stayed away from the ranch and their father. Keith and Tanner’s stepmother, Alice, would have made a good pair. Both intent on letting their offspring know exactly how much they were owed and not letting them forget it.
Tanner folded his arms over his chest as the music group began another song. The song wasn’t familiar to him and he felt a moment of irritation. He had hoped to find some comfort in the familiarity of the church service. He focused on the words of the song the group was singing, flashed on a screen at the front.
“My refuge, my fortress, sanctuary to me. My God, my father, my eternity.” Tanner let the words wash over him, realizing that of all the relationships in his life, all of the changes and losses, God had always been there, waiting.
Forgive me, Lord, he prayed, and made himself concentrate on the service. The group was finished playing, and Pastor Dykstra, a young man with a beaming smile, came to the front. He looked over the congregation and welcomed everyone, then encouraged the congregation to welcome the people around them with a handshake and a smile.
Tanner turned to Keith first but only received a cursory nod. The man had his arms folded tightly across his chest, the black look on his face clearly showing his feelings about this new development.
“Don’t care for all that hand shaking or these new songs,” he grumped. “My aunt should be playing the organ, not these young kids who don’t know the first thing about music.”
And welcome to the service to you, too, thought Tanner, stifling a grin at Keith McCauley’s attitude.
“Tanner Fortier, how wonderful to see you here,” Sadie Properzi, an middle-aged woman sitting in front of him, said, clasping his hand with both of hers, her warm demeanor the perfect antidote to Keith’s ill temper. “We missed you.”
“Probably because I don’t live here anymore,” Tanner said.
Sadie’s smile slipped as if she understood why that was, but she recovered quickly and patted him on the arm. “That’s too bad, of course.” Her eyes darted to Keira in silent question but Tanner wasn’t drawn in. He looked behind him, but no one was sitting there, and then he had nowhere else to turn but to Keira. Should he hold out his hand? He was the guest. Should he welcome her or should he wait for her to talk?
So he simply nodded at her and went with, “Hello, Keira.”
Her response was a tight nod. “Welcome to the service,” she said, then looked straight ahead.
He looked at her a moment longer, fighting the same urge he’d felt every time he’d seen her the past couple of days. The urge to demand answers to questions that had tormented him for the past two years. Why hadn’t she been willing to give him a second chance? Why had she ignored his phone calls?
Why hadn’t she called him?
But from the determined set of her jaw and the quick frown thrown his way from Brooke, he knew he wouldn’t be getting any answers in the near future.
He pulled in a long breath and hoped that George Bamford would be able to talk his buddy into letting Tanner stay at his place while he was here.
Refuge Ranch was certainly no refuge for him.
* * *
“I can’t stay long,” Keira said to Brooke, as she glanced at the oversize clock hanging on the wall of the Grill and Chill behind her friend. “Alice said she wanted to visit a friend today and I promised I would make sure Mom had company.”
Brooke owned a hairdressing shop in town and though she and Keira saw each other regularly, Brooke had suggested they meet up for coffee.
But Keira’s hopes for some quiet time were ruined the moment they stepped inside the bustling café. The tables were filled with chattering hockey moms and dads full of excitement for the game they had just played.
“So, what happened to your hand?” Brooke asked, pointing to the bandages that Keira still wore.
“Cut myself doing dishes yesterday,” Keira replied, feeling her cheeks flush as she relived the moment when Tanner bandaged up her finger.
Brooke leaned forward, her brown eyes bright with expectation as she toyed with the purple streak she had put in her hair a few days ago. “So? Tanner? How’s that going for you? Is it hard to see him again? Has he missed you?”
She paused to let the barrage of questions linger, as if hoping Keira would answer one of them.
“So? George?” Keira parried, referencing the thirty-five-year-old bachelor owner of the Grill and Chill, who had held Brooke’s heart for many years. Unfortunately Brooke didn’t hold George’s, a matter that had caused Brooke endless indecision.
“You and Tanner were engaged. You have history,” Brooke said, implying that she and George had far less than that. “You haven’t seen him since you left Saddlebank. It’s got to be hard to see him now.”
“He’s part of my past. I’ve got my future to think of.”
“I saw how Tanner looked at you in church,” Brooke continued. “I think he still likes you.”
Keira clenched her fists against a sudden and unexpected pain. “Please, Brooke, can we stop talking about Tanner?” she asked, keeping her voice quiet, her tone neutral.
Brooke sighed and nodded, then glanced past Keira, her face lighting up. “Oh, my. Here he is.”
Groaning, Keira closed her eyes and prayed for strength, for patience and for the next few days to fly past.
Keira knew the moment Tanner stopped by their table. She had no choice but to look up at him. His head was bare; he tapped his worn cowboy hat against his leg. His cheeks still shone from his shave this morning and she saw a tiny nick on his chin. His white shirt was wrinkled but his blue jeans were brand-new. His gaze landed on Keira, his smile as forced as hers, the tension between them thick as syrup.
“Good to see you again, Tanner,” Brooke said in a falsely cheerful voice. “How do you like our new pastor?”
“He’s good,” Tanner said, turning his attention to Brooke. “I appreciated his message and how he delivered it.”
Keira experienced a stab of jealousy at how his smile softened and grew more genuine when he looked at Brooke but tamped it as quickly as it came. She couldn’t allow herself to want or need anything from Tanner.
“And I hear you’re going to the NFR,” Brooke continued, switching topics with lightning speed, obviously ignoring Keira’s faint nudges against her leg.
“Yeah. I had a good year.”
“So, what brings you to the Grill and Chill?” Keira finally asked, knowing her silence was creating a continued awkwardness.
“George here said he could hook me up with a friend who has a place to stay.”
Keira felt relief, with a surprising touch of regret.
“That’s good,” Keira said with false heartiness. “I hope you find a place.”
“I thought you were staying at the Bannisters’?” Brooke asked.
Tanner’s eyes slid from Keira’s back to Brooke. “It’s just easier if I don’t. Alice is there already and I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.”
“A burden,” Brooke scoffed. “Refuge Ranch was like your second home. Though I can see why you wouldn’t hang around Alice. I still can’t believe she hasn’t offered you part of the ranch. She knows it only came to her because she married your dad.”
This netted her another nudge from Keira, which Brooke also ignored.
“Have you thought about hiring a lawyer?” she continued.
Another nudge. It was as though her friend was poking a stick around in a bear’s den, determined to get a reaction from Tanner. Brooke knew as much about the history of Tanner and his stepmother as Keira did. Why was she pushing?
“It is what it is,” Tanner said quietly. “I can’t spend too much time looking back over my shoulder. I have to look ahead.”
Keira heard an underlying tone in his voice and knew that in some oblique way he was referring to their old relationship.
“Are Monty and John still leaving today?” Tanner asked, glancing at Keira. “I offered to help load the heifers but they said they would be okay.”
“I think that’s the plan,” Keira said. “Though Dad said he wanted to get some more work done on the saddle this morning before he left, which is why he didn’t come to church.”
“When will Monty be back?”
She knew he was thinking about his saddle. “They’re staying at Giesbrooks’ tonight and coming back tomorrow.”
He nodded. “So will he get the saddle done on time, you think?”
“If he gets at it as soon as he comes back. How long can you stay?”
“I wanted to head back before Thursday.”
That meant he would be gone for Thanksgiving. She felt a touch of relief. It was hard enough that Lee and Heather weren’t coming for Thanksgiving, having Tanner around would make the celebration that much harder.
“Hey, Tanner. What ill wind blew your restless self into town today?” George Bamford joined them, wiping his hands on a towel, his dark brown eyes flicking over the group. George was tall, lanky and favored plaid shirts, khaki pants and sneakers. He’d moved to Saddlebank ten years ago, bought the Grill and Chill and had been cooking up hamburgers and fries ever since.
“Nor’wester,” Tanner quipped.
“Nasty one. Though I hear there’s a storm coming in from the north. Another one of those Canuck clippers that never bring anything good.”
“There’s always a storm brewing in Montana in the winter,” Tanner returned. “So, you find a place for me to stay?”
George’s eyes slid to Keira, the faintest question in them as if wondering if it was her fault that Tanner didn’t want to stay at Refuge Ranch.
Keira picked up her mug and took another sip of the coffee that had lost any hint of warmth just to avoid George’s gaze, Brooke’s questions and Tanner’s presence.
“I did. Buddy of mine has a place you can crash,” George said, flipping the towel over his shoulder, his hands resting on his hips. “He’s gone now but he’ll be back tomorrow for a couple hours. Come to his place at seven in the morning and he can give you the keys. Show you what’s what.”
“Sounds good.”
“You girls need anything more?” George asked, turning his attention back to Keira and Brooke. “You want me to get you a hot cup of coffee, Keira?”
Keira caught her friend’s eager look upward but George wasn’t paying attention to her.
Her heart broke for her friend. She wished she could tell her that guys will always disappoint you. That it wasn’t worth it, but now was not the time or place.
“I’m okay,” Keira replied. “I should get going anyhow.” She reached over to get her purse but before she could open it, Tanner had dropped a handful of bills on the table.
“On me,” he said, slipping his wallet in his back pocket.
“No. That’s okay,” Keira protested. “I can pay for this.”
“So can I,” Tanner said, laying his hand on hers to stop her.
She recognized his usual response to her oft-spoken protest. And for the same slow second she felt the warmth of his hand on hers. The old rhythms of their old relationship.
Her thoughts slipped, unwanted, back to that moment last night when he had helped her bandage her hand. The feel of his hand so familiar it created an ache deep in her soul. A yearning for what could never be.
Then he snatched his hand back and Keira felt her chest crumple.
It was a good thing he wasn’t staying at the ranch anymore. Seeing him every day was too much a reminder of what she had lost.
Chapter Four (#ulink_4647eb59-be1c-5fce-9b11-29e55d26a6f7)
The sound of a blustering wind howling around the cabin pulled Tanner out of a troubled dream. He groaned, the fresh injury aching as he rolled over onto his back, sleep getting slowly pulled away.
He lazily rolled his head to the side to check the time. The clock radio beside the bed blinked eight-thirty. As the numbers registered, he sat up and tossed the tangled sheets aside.
Too late. He was supposed to have been out of here before seven o’clock to meet George’s buddy in town.
He jumped out of bed, shivering as the chill of the bedroom hit him. The woodstove must have gone out last night. Snow ticked at the window as the wind gusted. Sounded like a bad storm out there.
He rotated his shoulder, massaging the pain away, then tugged on his clothes and boots, the cold in the room and the late hour urging him on.
Tanner shivered again as he stripped the bed and folded up the bedding to bring to the house. He’d get some clean sheets, bring them back, make the bed, pack up his stuff and leave.
Again.
He should have known that coming back here had been a mistake. Expecting that Keira would open up to him now, in spite of years of silence, was dumb optimism drowning out his common sense. If it weren’t for the fact that Monty had already taken apart David’s saddle yesterday and started working on it, Tanner would turn his back on Refuge Ranch for good.
He put his coat on, turned up the collar, dropped his hat on his head and stepped out onto the deck.
Snow slapped his face and he hunched his shoulders against the howling wind, plowing his way through knee-high snow gathering on the sidewalk. He tried to look down the driveway but the driving snow decreased visibility.
By the time he got to the house, ice stuck to his eyebrows and slipped down his neck. He opened the door to the house and a gust of wind almost tore it from his hand.
As he stepped inside the porch, the door fell shut behind him and he was immediately enveloped in warmth. He set his bedding on a bench, pulled his hat off and slapped it against his thigh. He brushed what snow he could off his jacket, hung it up, toed off his boots and walked toward the murmur of voices from the dining room.
Ellen and his stepmother sat at the table, a little girl between them.
She was shoving pieces of toast in her mouth, smearing half of it over her chubby cheeks and into the golden curls that framed her round face.
Ellen looked up and smiled at him when he came into the room. “Good morning, Tanner.”
She caught the direction of his gaze and smoothed her hand over the little girl’s head. “This is Adana, John’s little girl. Would you like to join us for breakfast?”
Tanner smiled at the little girl, who was engrossed in her food. “No. Thanks. I should have been gone an hour ago.” His gaze ticked over his stepmother, whose attention seemed taken up by buttering some more toast for Adana.
“Pwease. More,” Adana asked, now distracted by the egg his mother was mashing up for her.
“Where are you going in this horrible weather?” Ellen asked.
“I’ve imposed enough. I’ve found a place I can stay until the saddle is done.”
“But you can stay on the ranch,” Ellen protested. “You don’t have to go.”
“I just feel better staying somewhere else. I’ll be back to check on the saddle,” he said, glancing over at his stepmother. “And I won’t leave without saying goodbye.”
Alice looked up at him, her smile tight, her eyes glinting behind the dark frames of her glasses. “That’s good to know. We’ll be watching your performance,” she said.
Tanner held her gaze a beat longer, thankful for the small moment of connection and acknowledgment. If he won at Vegas or even placed, maybe things would change between them. Maybe that would help him lose that burden of guilt he’d been carrying around the past two years.

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