Once Upon a Groom
Once Upon a Groom
Karen Rose Smith
Dare to dream… these sparkling romances will make you laugh, cry and fall in love – again and again!“Will You Marry Me?”Those are the words Jenny had always longed to hear Zack say. But marrying him would have meant leaving the only home she’d ever known. So instead of following her high-school sweetheart to LA, she stayed on at his family’s ranch. Zack never knew about the secret she carried…Until a near-tragedy brought him home again… Seeing Jenny again makes Zack remember all the sweet passion they once shared. But he only came home to deal with a family crisis. So why is Jenny making him dream of settling down in the one place he’d vowed to leave forever?
He was leaning toward her slightly, one hand over the back of the stall, the other free to do whatever it wanted.
She suddenly wanted his arms around her. She suddenly wanted a lot more than that.
As if he was reading the message in her eyes, he murmured, “I almost did this last night.”
And then his arm was around her and he bent his head to hers.
The first touch of Zack’s lips wasn’t anything like Jenny expected. She’d expected hard, possessive and arrogant. His lips were firm as if he knew what he wanted. But they were coaxing, too … encouraging her to respond.
If she had thought further than that, she might have saved them both a lot of trouble. But she didn’t, because all of her concentration was on the feel of his mouth, the touch of his tongue against hers, the strength of his arms as he pulled her closer. The kiss was a flash from the past that could be a plunge into the future.
Dear Reader,
Can a woman ever forget her first love? Fortunately, my first love proposed! He was my first serious relationship and we clicked as if we’d known each other before we met. We fit.
Zack and Jenny fit when they found each other as teenagers. But dreams and past hurts separated them … Until fifteen years later, at their high school reunion, they realized they still had a bond that might never fade.
This book celebrates young love and the reuniting of hearts. To young love, mature love and the love in between!
Best,
Karen Rose Smith
About the Author
KAREN ROSE SMITH is the award-winning, bestselling novelist of more than seventy published romances. Her latest series, REUNION BRIDES, is set near Flagstaff, Arizona, in Miners Bluff, the fictional town she created. After visiting Flagstaff, the Grand Canyon and Sedona, she felt that the scenery was so awe-inspiring that she had to set books there. When not writing, she likes to garden, growing herbs, vegetables and flowers. She lives with her husband—her college sweetheart—and their two cats in Pennsylvania. Readers may e-mail her through her website at www.karenrosesmith.com, follow her on Facebook or Twitter @ karenrosesmith or write to her at PO Box 1545, Hanover, PA 17331, USA.
Once Upon
a Groom
Karen Rose Smith
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
With fond remembrance of Joan.
Prologue
July
As Zack Decker approached Jenny Farber in the cafeteria, decorated with blue and yellow streamers, memories washed over him. He struggled to maintain the cool facade that had enabled him to direct the most temperamental actresses … that had allowed him to hide the turmoil that had churned inside him since he’d left Miners Bluff fifteen years ago.
In a strapless yellow dress that accentuated her slim but curvy figure, Jenny was dancing with a classmate. The way she was smiling up at the man lit the wrong fuse on Zack’s usually controlled temper.
He clasped Brody Hazlett’s shoulder, dredged up a smile he didn’t feel and ignored the hushed surprise of other classmates he hadn’t seen in years. “Can I cut in?”
Brody let go of Jenny’s hand and faced Zack, his expression friendly. “Hi, Zack. It’s good to see you. The reunion must have meant a lot to you.”
“The reunion, and a few other things,” Zack said off-handedly, his gaze on Jenny as the silver disco ball spun, casting flickering lights across her heart-shaped face. She’d left a message on his cell phone last week. He remembered her words. Zack, please come home for the reunion. I need to talk to you about Silas’s health.
And here he was.
Taking Jenny’s hand in his, he circled her with his arm and steeled himself. As his hand brushed over the bare skin of her back, golden sparks lit her expressive brown eyes, bringing back too many buried memories.
“How long can you stay?” Jenny always went straight for the bottom line.
“Until tomorrow afternoon. I have to be on location in England on Monday.”
“That’s all the time you can spare?” Her voice was less accusatory than wistful … or regretful.
“I hadn’t intended to come to the reunion, but with your call, I revamped my schedule.”
The rhythm of the music overtook them for a few moments. It was a nineties ballad he recalled too well. The melody had wafted from the radio in the hayloft as the two of them …
He shut down the movie in his mind, leaned away from her slender body that had caused an instantaneous and powerful reaction in his. “Do you want to go somewhere quieter to talk?”
Quickly glancing around, she motioned toward the shadowy corridor lined with lockers where they had once exchanged heartfelt secrets … and kisses.
He led the way as he always had, trying to forget that fifteen years ago, she hadn’t followed.
Jenny attempted to calm her racing pulse and swallowed hard. Being in Zack’s arms again upturned her world until she became almost dizzy! He couldn’t still do that to her. She wouldn’t let him.
She watched him stride toward the corridor leading to the stairwell where he stopped and waited for her. He obviously wasn’t used to waiting for anyone. He’d left her behind once before. She imagined he wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.
Remember, he asked you to go with him.
Yes, he had. But she’d been eighteen and had finally found roots with Zack’s parents. As for Zack, he’d wanted to escape both his roots and his mom and dad. All he’d focused on were his dreams and a film school scholarship in L.A. She hadn’t been able to pin their future on something so intangible. Her own father’s dreams had disappointed her too many times to count. Her job as a groom at the Rocky D, Olivia Decker’s faith in her and Silas Decker’s promise to give her more responsibility in the future had been grounding forces much more powerful than her fear of what lay ahead with Zack.
But she had loved him in the ferocious way only an eighteen-year-old could love.
As she walked beside Zack, her high heels clicking on the waxed tile, her arm brushed his. The shiver that rippled through her almost loosened the mass of blond curls she’d pinned on top of her head. How could the brush of her skin against his suit jacket cause such a reaction?
He stopped halfway down the corridor, obviously hoping for privacy.
She gazed up at Zack, reminded again of how tall six-foot-two could be, how broad his shoulders had become, how slim his hips still were. He’d always oozed a James Dean kind of sensuality and that hadn’t changed. With a small cleft at the center of his jaw, his tousled, almost raven-black hair just barely tamed by an obviously expensive cut, his stormy-blue eyes, she realized the tabloids always got it right—he was a heart-breaker.
But then, she knew that from personal experience.
She felt tongue-tied with him, and he seemed to be at a similar loss for words until he said, “I spoke with Dad when I arrived. Sorry I missed you, but I was delayed.”
Had father and son finally had a heart-to-heart and found common ground? “And?” she prompted, instead of saying what she was thinking.
“And,” he drawled, “I don’t understand why you needed me to come. He’s as contentious as ever. He wanted to know if I flew all this way for a few dances for old times’ sake.”
“What did you tell him?”
“The truth—that you thought something was wrong with him.”
“Oh, Zack, you didn’t! I wanted you to observe him when he wasn’t aware of it. If he knows you’re watching, he’ll act all macho.”
“Jenny, I don’t have time to follow him around and act as if I’m not. Like he wouldn’t catch on to that in about ten minutes.”
Men! She was ready to throttle the two of them. Zack hadn’t been home for eight years—not since his mother’s funeral.
“Something is wrong with him,” she insisted with so much vehemence, loose tendrils of hair fluttered along her cheeks. “He can’t walk from the house through the barn without getting winded. He hasn’t taken Hercules riding in weeks. He doesn’t even watch me train anymore. I spent every day in that house with him for the past sixteen years and I know when he’s off his game. He’s off, Zack, and I think there’s a physical reason.”
“Then make him a doctor’s appointment.”
“I did, several times. He won’t go. A few days before, he always cancels it.”
Zack blew out a long breath and looked as if he were drawing on a short store of patience. “What do you want from me, Jenny?”
The first answer that came to mind was—Not a blasted thing. Then she remembered the manners Olivia had taught her … the wisdom that she’d get what she wanted more easily with a light touch than with a heavy one.
“Silas is getting older. What I think he needs most from you is your forgiveness.”
They both went silent, then the surprise on Zack’s face quickly faded. “What do you want me to forgive him for?” he asked, in a low but angry voice. “For the gambling and drinking? For the affairs that hurt my mom? For his lack of faith in my abilities and my career path? Or for the big one—for being responsible for my mother’s death?”
Jenny barely opened her mouth to protest before Zack moved closer. “Don’t give me a sympathetic, ‘Oh, Zack, that’s not true.’ Her plane went down because of a storm, but she was on it because my father had driven her away.”
Jenny had been in the barn that day when Olivia had confronted Silas, holding the credit card statement showing the hotel bill, and the flower order she’d never received. Half the ranch hands had overheard their argument.
All Jenny could say was, “He’s a different man now.”
“Different? He’s the same man he’s always been. So what if he doesn’t gamble anymore?”
This might be her only chance to make Zack understand. “When he lost Olivia, he didn’t just lose his wife, he lost you. All of that changed him.”
Zack shook his head. “You’re as naive as you’ve ever been.”
The arrogance in Zack’s voice nettled her. “No, I’m not naive, but I’ve watched him and worked beside him every day for all these years. He’s changed. He not only doesn’t gamble, but he doesn’t drink, either.”
Instead of responding, Zack peered down the hall to the reunion going strong in the cafeteria. Then very quietly, firmly, he insisted, “I don’t belong here, Jenny. You fit in better than I ever did. My father didn’t want a son who escaped his parents’ fights by videotaping the scenery on Moonshadow Mountain, by recreating an old Western with some of his friends in Horsethief Canyon.”
Tears burned her eyes because he was right. Zack and Silas had never understood each other very well. Still, she answered his vehemence with softness. “Silas wanted a son to take over the Rocky D. That’s all he ever expected of you.”
“You know I loved training the horses, almost as much as you did. But I never wanted this to be the extent of my world. I had bigger dreams than that.”
“And you’ve made them come true.”
After a lengthy pause, he responded, “Yes, I have.”
She heard the pride in his voice and knew his success was as important to him as the Rocky D was to Silas. “Then be a little generous,” she pleaded. “Be kind, and forgive what neither of you can change. Find out what it is to be father and son as grown-ups.”
“You’re still an optimist who won’t step outside of her little world.”
“Don’t talk down to me,” she returned hotly. “I found the life I want in Miners Bluff. If you want to travel the world, be my guest. But I’m perfectly happy right here on the Rocky D.”
“You’re like him,” Zack maintained. “You both have tunnel vision. The two of you believe the Rocky D is the only world that matters, but you’re wrong. You’re also wrong about Dad needing my forgiveness. Granted, I haven’t been in much contact with him since Mom died—I phone now and then because he is my father—but he’s never reached out to me.”
If her plea was for herself, she’d let Zack walk away. But it was for Silas. “Please, Zack. Can’t you at least stay for a few days? Or at least come back after the shoot.”
“The shoot will take three months.”
The walls in Zack’s eyes were as solid as the armor he wore on his heart. “So why did you bother to come home?”
“Because you asked, and so I could get a quick peek for myself. I think you’re overreacting. Dad might simply be growing older and you don’t want to recognize that.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Time will tell. Make him another doctor’s appointment. That’s all you can do.”
“He might listen to you.”
“To a son he’s never listened to before? I doubt that.”
“You’re as stubborn and blind as he is!” Her voice had risen and she hoped it hadn’t carried down the hall.
“I’m not going to argue with you, Jenny. I have a plane to catch tomorrow afternoon.”
She was outraged that he cared so little about Silas and the Rocky D that he wouldn’t stay long enough to see the full picture.
“This project is important to me,” he went on. “It has to get off to a good start.”
“And you don’t care what ends here?”
“Everything here ended for me a long time ago.” With those words, and a last long look, Zack walked away.
Jenny stared at his back, remembering the first time he’d left her. Six weeks later, she’d discovered she was pregnant. Six weeks after that, she’d miscarried.
Zack Decker might think he knew everything, but he still didn’t know that.
Chapter One
Late October
Finally back in L.A., Zack studied the stack of script revisions on his desk, the mound of messages not important enough to return while he’d been on location. He started with the most recent, saw Dawson Barrett’s name and smiled. He and Dawson had kept in touch over the years, and they’d reconnected briefly at the reunion a few months ago.
He’d call Dawson when he returned to his penthouse later that night. From the amount of reading on his desk, he would be staying in the city this weekend.
He swore. He’d been looking forward to a couple of days at his house in Malibu. That was the one place he could relax. Usually he derived satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment after a movie was in the can. But this time, his mind had kept drifting. The adrenaline rush had been missing and he didn’t know why.
His cell phone vibrated against his hip. He considered ignoring it, then pulled it from his belt and studied the caller ID on the screen, surprised to see it was Jenny. A sense of foreboding zipped from his head to his loafers.
“Jenny?”
Words came tumbling from her. “I was afraid you’d still be out of the country.”
“I just got back yesterday. What’s wrong?”
He heard her take a steadying breath and he braced himself for what was coming.
“Silas collapsed. I rode with him in the ambulance to Flagstaff—” Her voice caught.
Zack went numb, absolutely numb. Images of his dad riding Hercules, giving the hands orders, smoking a Cuban cigar, flew through his mind. The idea of Silas being loaded into an ambulance … How could Jenny have been so right when he’d seen no evidence of a problem? Was he blind where his father was concerned?
He pushed out the words lodged in his throat. “I’ll catch the first flight out.”
“Zack …”
To his surprise, he still felt connected to Jenny and could read her thoughts. “I know you’re scared. Try to take a deep breath and hope for the best. Call me with updates. If I’m on the plane, I’ll get your message when I land.”
“What if you can’t get a seat?”
“Then I’ll charter a plane. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
“Thank you.”
Her voice wobbled in a way that was so unlike Jenny that Zack’s throat tightened. “No thanks necessary. I should have listened to you.”
She said nothing.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. Hold tight.”
She murmured her thanks again and ended the call.
Conflicting emotions battered Zack as he turned to his computer to make a reservation. What would he find when he got to Flagstaff? Hope for the best, he’d told Jenny.
Just what was the best?
Late that night, Zack rushed into the emergency room entrance of the stucco and brick hospital in Flagstaff, his pulse racing. He’d thought he’d distanced himself from his father. He’d thought he simply didn’t care anymore. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t seen the symptoms Jenny had noticed when he’d been home for the reunion. Or maybe his father pretended as much as he himself did.
It was possible his father had put up a front for Zack’s benefit, but Zack’s coolness and reserve toward Silas wasn’t a pretense. They’d had many arguments before Zack had left for film school. Growing up, he’d often seen his dad inebriated after a high-stakes poker game. He’d heard his parents’ arguments and known his dad was always at the root of them. When Zack had learned what had happened the day his mother died, why she’d taken off in that airplane to visit her sister in Montana, he’d disowned his father just as his father had practically disowned him when he left the ranch to pursue a film career.
After inquiring at the desk and showing ID, he headed for the cardiac intensive care unit and found Jenny in one of the waiting rooms. Even looking distraught and pale, she was a beautiful woman. At thirty-three, maturity had touched her in attractive ways. Her glossy blond, shoulder-length hair framed a heart-shaped face that had taken on a more haunting beauty. Her deep brown eyes, always wide with emotions, were stunning as she looked up at him.
“I’m so glad you’re here. They’ve stabilized him but—” The quick shutdown of her thoughts told Zack just how upset she was.
Shrugging out of his leather jacket, he laid it over the back of the sofa.
“Did you even have time to pack?” she asked.
“No. I keep a duffle in my office with a change of clothes and workout gear. I just grabbed that.”
“Are you going to try to see him now?”
“Yes, for a few minutes. Thanks for giving me his doctor’s number. I called him after I landed. He said he’d noted on the chart that I could see him when I arrived.”
“Zack, you can’t upset him.” She looked as if that was hard for her to say, but yet she knew she had to say it.
Her regret didn’t help the sting, though, and he replied, almost angrily, “Do you think I would? My God, Jenny, I don’t wish him harm.”
“How would I know what you wish him, Zack?”
She was right. How would she know? They hadn’t really talked except about the most mundane practical things when he called his father now and then. He’d felt it was his duty to keep in touch even though he hadn’t wanted to. Sometimes Jenny would answer. Sometimes they’d exchange pleasantries. Others she’d just tell Silas he was on the line.
We live in different worlds, he reminded himself, not for the first time. Yet standing here, facing her again, years dropped away and lingering nudges of what they’d once shared startled him. Memories ran through his head of the two of them sitting on the corral fence talking … of gentling a foal together … of graduating … of making love in the hayloft. No—not making love. Having sex. If it had been love, Jenny would have gone with him to L.A. when he’d asked her.
“How long are you going to stay?” she asked, and he could see she was already preparing herself for the fact he might be here merely twenty-four hours again.
“I don’t know. Let’s just see what happens after tomorrow. I’ll conference with the doctor and then decide.”
She appeared to want to say something, maybe ask him if he could stay longer than a day, but she didn’t. Instead she murmured, “I’ll get a blanket and pillows while you’re gone. I’m bunking here tonight.”
Zack knew his father had become a dad to Jenny, the way her own had never been. It was ironic that Silas couldn’t be a real father to Zack when Zack was growing up, but with Jenny—Silas Decker had never been anything but supportive, positive and encouraging with her even before his wife had died. Maybe that’s because Jenny hadn’t been a disappointment to him. Or because she had stepped into the role that Zack had been groomed for but had refused.
“I’m going to see him now.” Zack steeled himself for the visit, knowing he did have to distance himself from this experience and whatever happened next.
Surprising him, Jenny crossed to him and touched his forearm. It was just a whisper of a touch, no pressure at all. Yet Zack felt the fire of it. He felt his body respond to it, and he pulled away before she could guess what was happening. But not before he saw the disappointment on her face that they couldn’t have a heart-to-heart about this.
There would be no heart-to-hearts, not tonight, not in the days to come. He didn’t do that because letting himself be vulnerable would only invite pain. He’d seen it with his parents. He’d felt it with Jenny, and he’d certainly experienced it in L.A.
He headed for his father’s cubicle, not knowing what to expect.
Zack walked into the glass enclosure and stopped short. Silas’s eyes were closed and his complexion was ashen, almost as gray as the hair fringing his head. His mustache was still black but streaked with gray, too. His father was a strapping man—six foot tall and husky. He’d gained weight over the past ten years. Seeing him like this, lying in a bed in a hospital gown, hooked up to IVs and God knew what else, Zack had to absorb the fact his father was aging.
What had Zack thought? That the years would keep passing and his father would remain the same?
His dad’s eyes fluttered open, and he stared at Zack for a few seconds without speaking. Finally he said hoarsely, “You came.”
Still struck by his father’s appearance, Zack didn’t respond.
“You didn’t want to come, did you?” Silas asked, sounding more like his old self. “This is a duty call.”
Was that true? Not entirely, but he didn’t admit it. “You had a heart attack,” he said without answering the question.
Silas gave a slight shrug. “That’s what Jenny tells me. The doc uses words that don’t make any sense, and tomorrow, well, I don’t know what’s going to happen. There’s always a chance—”
Zack stepped closer to the bed. “No, there isn’t. You’re going to have what’s called a cardiac catheterization. It’s going to show what’s wrong and your doctor is going to fix it.”
“Sometimes you can find out what’s wrong and not be able to fix it.”
“You can’t think that way going into it.”
“And here I thought you’d like it if I just faded away and you didn’t have to deal with me anymore.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Zack said the words, but he did feel guilty. Hadn’t he often wondered what life would be like without his father’s carping?
“Don’t lie to me. The truth is the truth is the truth.”
No matter what had happened before, Zack said with certainty, “I want you to be well. I want you to be healthy again. Jenny is worried sick about you and she needs you.”
His father swallowed, looked away for a moment, then back at him. “She’s the daughter I never had. Her own father’s a fool for not realizing what a gem he has in her.”
Silent, Zack considered Jenny’s background and the year he’d been closer to her than he’d ever been to anyone.
Silas asked, “What are you thinking about?”
After a few moments’ reluctance, he answered, “How much Jenny meant to Mom and you.” And how she’d refused to go with him to L.A. That thought still had the power to bring back bitterness and regret.
“I need you to promise me something,” his father entreated in a low, serious voice.
“What?” Zack asked warily.
“With me out of commission, Jenny can’t handle the burden of the Rocky D on her own. She’s taken over even more responsibility the past couple of months with management of the ranch as well as training the horses, but it’s all too big for any one person. So no matter what happens tomorrow, will you stay a month, six weeks, and help her get a handle on whatever has to be done?”
“Dad—”
“I know it’s a lot to ask. I know this isn’t your life. You have big fish to fry. Well, the Rocky D has big fish, too. I know you think I have no right to ask anything of you. That might be true. But Jenny’s going to need some help, and you’re the only one I trust to give her that help.”
If his father had asked for his own benefit, Zack might have been able to turn him down. But the way he’d put it, how could Zack refuse? Still, he had commitments of his own.
Silas continued, “You could set up shop at the Rocky D for a while. There’s plenty of room. You could have your own office in the east wing.” He hesitated. “I have a home theater there now, too.”
The sliding glass doors of Silas’s cubicle opened and a nurse bustled in. “Time’s about up,” she said gently but firmly. “Your father needs his rest.”
Zack knew that was true. He also knew state of mind could make a big difference if his father was to recover. No, he didn’t want to stay. No, he didn’t want to get roped back into a life he’d left behind. No, he didn’t want to be around Jenny and feel that old tug of desire they’d shared.
“Think about it,” his father said.
Zack knew he wouldn’t be able to do much else.
The following morning, Jenny paced the waiting room while Zack worked on his laptop. She didn’t know how he could concentrate with his dad undergoing the heart catheterization. Even during the night as she’d tried to doze on the sofa, she’d caught glimpses of images flickering on the laptop screen where Zack studied them and tapped the computer keys. He hadn’t slept at all.
When he’d returned from seeing his dad last night, he’d been remote and silent. This morning, after visiting Silas again, he’d been the same. Just what was going through his head? Once, so many years ago, she would have known. For the past fifteen years, she hadn’t had a clue. For the gazillionth time, she thought about what might have been if she hadn’t lost their baby. Quickly she shut down those thoughts.
With a long, blown-out breath, Zack closed the lid of the machine, pushed it deeper onto the side table, stood and rolled his shoulders. His muscles rippled under his black T-shirt. Above the waistband of his khakis, she could glimpse just how flat his stomach still was.
“Do you do that often?” she asked, feeling wrinkled and rumpled and not as put together as he had always looked no matter what he wore. The lines around Zack’s eyes were deeper now, but other than that he looked … as charismatic and sexy as ever.
“Work through the night? Oh, yeah. Especially when we’re on deadline.”
“For a movie?”
“For a movie, for an edit, for a casting.” He shrugged. “It’s the nature of the business.”
“Here I thought you lounged in a chaise at the beach most of the time,” she joked.
He gave her a long considering look. His blue eyes were so direct with an intense focus that hadn’t changed. “My life isn’t what it seems from the outside.”
“The outside?” She was genuinely curious.
“What you see and hear. The premieres, the publicity for the movies. It looks as if it isn’t staged, but all of it is.”
“Even those photos of you on the beach?” She wouldn’t mention the drop-dead gorgeous models and actresses he was always photographed with.
“Exactly.”
Pausing only a second, she prodded, “Does Silas know about your real life, or do you only tell him about the outside?”
“Dad hears what he wants to hear.”
“But do you talk about your actual work with him?”
“You probably know how much we talk. It’s mostly about the weather, his horse buyers, if I’ll be nominated for another Oscar.”
“If you made a point of telling him …”
Zack scowled and even that expression was sexy as the corners of his mouth turned down. “You’re not going to be on my back about talking to Dad the whole time I’m here, are you? Because if you are, I’m going to spend most of my time working.”
If he’d intended to frame that bomb of information into his response, she didn’t know. But she surely realized the implication. “The time you’re here? How long will that be?”
“We’ll figure it out after he’s back up here giving orders again.”
“We’re talking about more than a few days?”
“It depends on his condition. I’ll let you know after I speak with his doctor.”
For just a moment, Jenny felt her heart fall. She really didn’t have a right to be here, or to any information. No matter she spent every day with Silas, saw his symptoms develop, and cared deeply that they had. She wasn’t a relative. Zack was his son. She was not Silas’s daughter.
That thought brought to mind the inevitable one of wondering where her own father was right now. Maybe she cared so much about Silas because her own dad didn’t seem to want her to care about him. And she shouldn’t, because he always left … he never stayed. But she did care.
“What are you thinking?” Zack asked, as he crossed to the sofa where she sat. He moved the magazine she had tried to concentrate on, lowered himself beside her, yet not too close.
Did he feel any remnant of the attraction that had rippled between them as teenagers? The attraction she felt now? “I’m not thinking. I’m just worried.”
“Bull. Something was ticking through that pretty head of yours besides worry.”
His attitude both shook and angered her. “You don’t know me anymore, so don’t try to read me like a mentalist at a carnival.”
“So you think I don’t know you?” His voice was lower as he said, “When you’re thinking, little frown lines appear right here.”
He touched the space between her brows and her heart rapped against her ribs.
“But when you’re worrying—” he slid his finger across the side of her mouth “—this dimple disappears and sometimes your lower lip quivers.”
She was mesmerized by the pad of his finger on her skin … trembling from skimming her gaze over the breadth of his shoulders, his beard stubble, the past memories in his eyes.
Grabbing her composure for all she was worth, she straightened her shoulders and leaned back. “You’re making that up.”
“Nope. You haven’t changed all that much. You grew up fast and were always direct, curious and sassy. Give me one way you’re different now than when you came to live at the Rocky D when you were seventeen.”
Instead of an off-the-cuff flip reply, she considered his request. “Now I think before I speak. I hope I’ve learned to have as much patience with people as I’ve always had with horses.”
He smiled and she wished he hadn’t. Zack smiling was almost impossible to resist.
“You think before you speak and have patience with everyone but me.”
She was about to protest, to tell him he was all wrong, but she considered what he’d said. “I guess with you, my good intentions get short-circuited.”
His smile faded. “So tell me what you were thinking.”
Zack had always been determined. Maybe this time she shouldn’t fight his desire to know. “I was thinking I have no official right to be here … to know Silas’s condition. But I’d like to be included.”
The cold detachment she’d sensed in Zack when he’d arrived, dissipated altogether. “Of course you’ll be included. Has anyone told you differently?”
“Oh, no. The staff and doctors have been understanding.”
Zack was studying her as if he knew old insecurities still haunted her. She couldn’t let him see that sometimes they did. Most of all, she couldn’t let him see that she was still attracted to him.
Rising to her feet, she said, “I’m going to get coffee. I’ll bring you a cup.”
“Black,” he told her as he rose, too, and returned to the laptop.
He’d always taken his coffee black, but she wouldn’t let him see she remembered that … along with everything else.
Chapter Two
When Jenny returned to the waiting room with two cups of coffee, Zack wasn’t there. She didn’t know what to think. Had there been news about Silas? She set down the coffee, noticed Zack’s laptop wasn’t on the table and was about to ask for information at the nurses’ desk when he strode into the waiting room, cell phone in his hand.
“Is Silas finished?” she asked.
“Not that I know of. I locked my laptop in the car and went to make a call.” When she glanced at his cell phone, he clipped it onto his belt.
“Business?” she asked, not sure why she was asking. Maybe she just wanted to probe a little.
“Actually, no, it wasn’t.”
“Someone who wondered where you disappeared to?” She knew she shouldn’t be inquiring about this. His life was none of her business, not anymore. Still, she was curious.
Amused, he asked, “You want details?”
“Only if you want to get them off your chest.”
He cast her a wry smile. “No, I don’t think I do.”
She felt the disappointment like a weight. She should have known better. For all she knew, he was dating three different women at once. That was certainly what the tabloids led everyone to believe. One of the most eligible bachelors in L.A. didn’t need to be married or even in a relationship because he was having too much fun. Though from what he’d said last night—
He approached her until he stood close enough to touch. “I left L.A. in a rush. I have lots of loose ends that aren’t tied up.”
Including a relationship with a woman? she wanted to ask, yet didn’t. The one thing she’d learned long ago was never to make the same mistake twice. That was how she’d learned to accept disappointment where her dad was concerned. That was how she’d learned to move on, always looking for a new way to solve a problem, a new way to handle a loss. She’d lost Zack once. She wouldn’t make the mistake of feeling too much for him again. It really was as simple as that. Practice had taught her well. Now she had to just keep her wits about her and pretend that being this near to him didn’t send a tingle of awareness through her body.
Since she couldn’t—wouldn’t—ask anything personal, she forced a smile and inquired, “Do you really have a house in Malibu, a penthouse in L.A. and a condo in Vail?”
“Now where did that come from?” His forehead furrowed but there was a sparkle of curiosity in his eyes.
“I’m just wondering how much of the tabloid stories about you I can believe.”
“Well, at least the real estate I have is one thing they got right. Yes, to all of the above.”
“And you’ve been to every continent?” she pushed.
“I have, for either work or pleasure.”
“You actually vacationed in Antarctica?”
At that, he let out a chuckle. “Yes, I did. Why are you so amazed?”
“Because I can’t imagine why anyone would want to vacation there.”
His blue gaze became more probing. “Jenny, don’t you want to see the world?”
“Why would I? I’m happy here.”
He shook his head as if he couldn’t understand that philosophy at all. “Don’t you want to know how other people live? What work means to them … what gives their lives meaning?”
“Does your curiosity get satisfied in your travels?”
He considered that. “I don’t know. But I always find answers to some unanswered questions I didn’t even know were lurking in my mind. That probably doesn’t make any sense to you.”
She could see he wasn’t talking down to her, but really trying to clarify his point of view. “When I want an answer, I just work at finding it right here. But then I guess that’s why I gentle horses and you make movies.”
“The movie-making might change now.”
“How? Why?”
Suddenly, Zack’s focus shifted from her to the doorway. When she peered around him, she saw Dr. Murphy, Silas’s cardiologist. He looked serious and she couldn’t tell from his expression exactly what had happened.
The cardiac surgeon said, “Zack has signed appropriate forms and instructed me you’re to be kept up-to-date on everything that concerns his father’s condition.”
She murmured to Zack, “Thank you.”
His gaze briefly met hers and she gained a momentary glimpse of the young man she’d once loved. The next moment his attention focused on the cardiologist as he asked, “Good news or bad?”
Although Zack might be a visionary behind the camera, Jenny realized he was a pragmatist, too.
“A little of both. There has been heart muscle damage, which we suspected from the myocardial infarction. But we inserted two stents and with a change in lifestyle, I think he’ll regain his energy and maybe some of the verve he’s lost in the past few months. He’s a lucky man … lucky this happened when someone was with him and fortunate an ambulance got him here as soon as it did. No one is ever happy about life changes they need to make to continue good health, but your father seems like a practical man. I’m hoping with the two of you to help convince him, he’ll see this as a positive life change, not as something he has to dread. I’ll have a nutritionist talk to him before he leaves.”
“Can I sit in?” Jenny asked. “He has a housekeeper and I’d like to relay any information to her. Maybe we can devise meals that he doesn’t think are too boring.”
The doctor smiled. “Diet and exercise will be the two main components of his life changes and …” He motioned to Zack. “Zack told me you’d be a big help with that.”
“What about a cardiac rehab program?” Zack asked.
“I’ll be speaking with your father about that, too. There are a couple of different ways we can handle it. He’ll have to choose what’s right for him.”
“He’ll probably want a private nurse and a home gym,” Zack muttered.
The doctor didn’t look fazed. He just said, “Whatever it takes.”
Jenny knew he was right. She would do whatever it took to keep Silas on the road to good health. Seeing how quickly Zack had responded to her call, she was hopeful he would, too, even if it was only so he could get back to his own life.
“How long do you think it will be until he’s able to do the things he wants to do again?” she asked.
“We’re going to have to see how his recuperation comes along. But if you’re asking in general terms, I’d say four to six weeks at least. Maybe longer until the changes he makes take effect.”
Jenny saw Zack frown and didn’t know what that meant. Would he consider staying in Miners Bluff that long? If so, why? Did he feel she couldn’t handle Silas on her own? Or was he simply worried about his father and didn’t want to admit it?
“I’m going to keep him in CICU for today. Tomorrow, if all goes well, I’ll transition him to an intermediary room. I want to keep an eye on his blood oxygen level. Then we’ll decide what happens next.”
Zack extended his hand to shake the cardiologist’s. “Thank you.”
Jenny did the same, saying, “I wish we weren’t so far from the hospital.”
“Miners Bluff has a superior urgent care center. Don’t hesitate to go there or call me if there are any problems.” The doctor moved toward the door. There he stopped. To Zack he said, “Your dad is a tough customer. It might take both of you to convince him to do what he needs to do.” Then he exited the room, leaving Zack and Jenny alone—each wondering what came next.
Four days later, Jenny stepped through the mahogany French doors to Silas’s parlor, surprised to see Zack cleaning out the cupboard behind the wet bar. “What are you doing?”
Zack didn’t know if this was going to be a fight or not, but he wouldn’t back down from it. He stacked bottles of liquor into a carton. “I’m clearing away temptation. Dad’s resting, I hope?”
They’d driven into Flagstaff together to pick him up when he was discharged. Both wanted to hear what the instructions were for after-care. He was supposed to take it easy for the next week. Zack wasn’t sure that meant the same thing to his father that it meant to him.
He continued to remove bottles from the cabinet and shove them in the box. “I know he doesn’t like staying in one of the guest bedrooms down here, but it’s for his own good. I’ll stay down here, too, then I can keep an eye on him.”
“He can use the intercom system if he needs you.”
Zack stared down into the box so long, Jenny finally asked, “Zack?”
“Sorry. I was remembering … This isn’t the first time I’ve done something like this.”
She looked puzzled. “What do you mean?”
Did he want to get into this with her? Why not? The past didn’t matter anymore. If she didn’t know the gritty details, maybe it was time. “Dad drank and gambled for as far back as I can remember, then he’d come home and fight with Mom. When I was around ten, I got this mistaken impression that if I went through the house and got rid of some of the liquor, that might make a difference. So I’d take out a bottle here, a bottle there and I’d dump them behind the barn. I couldn’t wipe out the whole cupboard, there would’ve been hell to pay. But at least I felt I was doing something.”
He saw the softening in Jenny’s brown eyes and he knew what that meant. It was pity. He certainly didn’t want her pity, not for the boy he’d been, and certainly not for the man he was now. “That taught me one very important lesson,” he added, suddenly realizing exactly why he was telling her this story. “You can’t make a difference in someone’s life unless they want you to.”
She crossed the hunter green and burgundy Persian rug, rounding a suede and leather sofa. “That’s not true, Zack. Don’t tell me you believe that.”
When she stopped in front of the bar, he focused his gaze on her. “Do you think you’ve made a difference in his life?” He knew Jenny had poured everything she was and everything she could have been into Silas and the Rocky D.
“I have made a difference. Because I’ve become a substitute for you.”
This time there was no pity in her eyes but there was something else he couldn’t decipher. That bothered him. He used to understand Jenny so well … why she yearned for bonds she could depend on.
Jenny’s father had done his duty by her when he’d had to. His love had always been the rodeo. Early on, Jenny had had her mom, but had only seen her dad when he came in from the circuit. After that …
Jenny’s mom had suddenly died of a brain aneurysm when Jenny was eight and her father had been devastated. Jenny had known, even though he wasn’t at home that much, that he and her mom had really loved each other. After a year of Jenny taking care of Charlie, rather than Charlie taking care of her, he’d left her with a neighbor more and more, always chasing a rodeo purse and a dream. That’s the way it had been until Jenny had done an internship on the Rocky D the summer before her senior year in high school. She’d loved horses, handled them expertly and calmed them, showing up his father’s best grooms. His mother had started giving her other responsibilities and had let her handle some of the bookwork. When his mom learned her history, she’d asked Jenny if she wanted to live with them her senior year of high school. Charlie had easily agreed, handing off some of the responsibility for his almost-grown child. Jenny became like a daughter to the Deckers.
Zack’s attraction to Jenny and hers to him had revved up the moment she’d set foot on the Rocky D. Zack had known it wouldn’t be fair to start something with her, when he intended to leave Miners Bluff as soon as he could. Jenny, on the other hand, wore her heart on her sleeve, which had made it easy for him to confide in her, go on long walks and rides, become close to her in a way he’d never been close to a girl before. The night of their high school graduation, they’d gone to the all-night party, come home around 3:00 a.m. and climbed up to the hayloft, which had become their private place. They’d been so excited. He’d won the National Young Filmmakers Scholarship and his dad had hired her to be one of his horse trainers and handlers. In that excitement, their threshold of restraint had fallen low. They’d made love in that hayloft. He’d asked her to go with him to L.A. She’d refused. That had been the end of them.
“You didn’t have to be a substitute for anyone,” Zack protested, feeling as if she were blaming him for something about her life, too.
“I didn’t say I didn’t want to be here, because I did. But I also realized that after your mother died, Silas gave up on the idea that you’d ever come back.”
Staying in this house again, recollections from that difficult time in Zack’s life pummeled him. As he’d tried to do since he’d returned, he shoved them away. “Even if Mom hadn’t died, I doubt if I would have come back. When she visited me in L.A., she made sure to tell me she was proud—of me, of my work … But have you forgotten that when I left for film school, my father cut me off? He didn’t want to know how the classes were, or what kind of projects I was doing. He didn’t want to know if I was successful. He just didn’t care. He’d planned for me to take his place someday. He blamed her for my absence because she gave me my first video camera.”
Jenny leaned closer, the bar still a barrier between them. “You’re both carrying too many shadows from the past. It’s time to let go of all of it.”
Just a whiff of Jenny’s perfume unsettled Zack and lit fires he’d rather douse. “What about your dad, Jenny? Have you let go of all of it?” He saw immediately that he’d struck home and he shouldn’t have. He shook his head. “I had no right to ask that.”
With a sigh, she leaned away. “Maybe you did. After all, I’m giving you advice.”
With a shrug, he admitted, “I have no advice, not about fathers and their kids.” Closing the top of the carton, he taped it then started filling another.
Finally she said, “I’ve learned something over the years, Zack. I do have to accept reality. Wishing my dad would change only brought me heartache, so I accept him for who he is and don’t expect anything. That way I don’t get hurt.”
Her acceptance of her own father’s shortcomings made him feel like a jerk. He shouldn’t have complained about the childhood he’d had when Jenny’s had been so much worse. Losing her mom as a kid couldn’t have been easy. Staying with a neighbor who really wasn’t interested in babysitting while her father was gone had to have made Jenny feel unwanted.
She proved that as she told him, “After Mom died and I had to stay with Mildred when Dad left for the circuit, I disappeared into the library downtown and learned everything I could about horses … to fill up my life and I guess my heart, too. I didn’t have the guts to come to a place like the Rocky D to learn what I needed to know to become a horse trainer, but I went to smaller ranches, asked if I could help with chores and got paid enough to buy clothes for school. I didn’t care about the money as much as I just wanted to be around the animals, to know more about them. Some of those horses were my best friends until I went to high school and really got to know Mikala and Celeste. Up until then I shied away from the other girls because I felt they made fun of me … and looked down on me. Celeste and I had a lot in common because we were both girls from the wrong side of the tracks. I’m not sure how Mikala hooked up with us, maybe because her mother wasn’t around much when she was growing up. But they became my safety net—they were always there for me. How did you and Dawson and Clay become friends?”
“The reverse of you and Celeste and Mikala, I guess. Our families went back to the founding fathers of Miners Bluff. In one way or another, we were all rebelling against authority, against our fathers, our families. Don’t get me wrong, we didn’t talk about it. Guys didn’t do that.” He shot her a wry grin. “But we knew we all wanted to be independent and forge our own course, no matter what anybody else thought.”
“Rebels with a cause?” she joked.
“Minus the motorcycles. Clay and I used horses. Dawson had a Mustang.”
She laughed at the pun.
Whenever he and Jenny found a nonvolatile subject, he enjoyed the ease of talking to her, just as he had when he was a teenager.
In high school, they’d all hung out at Mikala’s aunt’s bed and breakfast where her refrigerator and pantry was overstocked with everyone’s favorite drinks and snacks. As he and Jenny started spending more time alone after she moved in at the Rocky D, long talks about anything and everything had taken place in the barn and hayloft. Long talks … and plenty of kisses….
But they weren’t kids anymore and the shadow of him leaving and her refusal to go with him sidled in and out between them now, along with the electricity that never seemed to cease buzzing.
“Is there anywhere else you think I should look for a stash like this?” He waved at the remaining bottles.
“You could ask me,” Silas said from the doorway. Both Zack and Jenny jumped, startled by his appearance.
“All right,” Zack agreed quickly, deciding to face his father head-on in everything now. “Is there anyplace else you’d like me to clean out?” He tried to ignore the fact that his father was leaning on a cane and looking pale. His physician had warned them not to expect too much too soon, but it was hard seeing his father like this.
Silas entered the room and straightened up to his full six-foot height. “You don’t have to clean anything out. I haven’t had a drop of liquor for a year. I keep that assortment for my friends, or for cocktail parties, like the one I had to introduce Clay Sullivan to some possible clients. It was the same night we all watched your new movie.”
That derailed Zack’s thoughts. “You got a pirated copy?”
“I did. I didn’t want to wait for the premiere.”
Sometimes Zack forgot how well his father was connected. “You never told me you watched it.”
“Does it matter?”
Good question—and he really wasn’t sure of the answer. Did he want to know what his father thought about it? Chances were good Silas would have something critical to say. Not that Zack couldn’t take criticism. He’d had to take plenty of it to get where he was now. But coming from his father, it would be nice to hear something positive, some sort of encouragement or pat on the back he’d never gotten as a kid.
Silas stroked his mustache. “If you’re looking for cigars in addition to the liquor, you’ll find a box in my bottom desk drawer in my office. They’re underneath the Bible. I haven’t had a smoke in the past six months.”
As Zack looked into his father’s eyes, he wished he could believe him. But after years of hearing his dad lie to his mother so many times, he knew trust hadn’t even been a word in his father’s vocabulary.
Deciding to leave this discussion for the present, Zack asked his dad, “Is there anything I can bring you from upstairs to make you more comfortable down here?”
“I’ll only be comfortable when I’m in my own room again,” Silas grumbled.
Jenny, who’d been absorbing the conversation, stepped in. “It’s only for a few days, Silas. Besides, you’ll have a great view of the back pasture from the guest room. You can watch the yearlings when we let them out on the nice days.”
“Nice days?” Silas barked. “You won’t be seeing many more of them. I heard we’re in for snow next week.”
“So you can watch them frolic in the snow when I exercise them,” she responded, unfazed.
“While I eat sawdust and vegetables.”
“Do you think I’d let Martha serve you sawdust and vegetables? I’m smarter than that. We’re going to make such tasty recipes you won’t be able to resist.”
Finally, Silas broke into a slow smile. “If anybody can do it, you can.” He sighed and ran a hand through his halo of gray hair. “Already I’m more tired than if I’d ridden out to Feather Peak. Jeez, how long is this going to last?”
“You know what the doctor said. It could be a while—a month, two, maybe even three. But with a new diet and some exercise when you’re ready, you’ll be feeling better soon, Silas. I promise you.”
He looked at her the way a doting father looks at a loving daughter. “Your promises I believe.”
With a last glance at Zack, he said, “I’ll make that list.”
After Silas had gone, his cane tapping on the hardwood floor down the hall, Zack turned to Jenny, feeling somewhat unnerved by witnessing the bond that had developed between her and his dad. Was he envious of it? Yet how could he be when it had been his choice to put his dad in the recesses of his life for so many years?
“What if he doesn’t feel better in three months?” he challenged her. “What if the way he’s feeling now is as good as it gets? That happens, you know.”
“Maybe so. But I can’t think that way and Silas doesn’t need you thinking that way. We have to encourage him, day by day.” She studied Zack for so long it made him uncomfortable.
“What?”
“I don’t think you’re used to encouraging anyone, are you?”
“That’s not true. I deal with temperamental actors all the time.”
“That isn’t the same thing at all. I’m talking about common kindness, compassion and an optimistic attitude to make someone want to get better, want to do their best in life, not in a make-believe world.”
“Do you think I deal with make-believe? Have you even watched any of my movies?”
That made Jenny’s cheeks flush. “Of course I have. I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right. I know you don’t just produce and direct entertainment. There’s always more than that to it, a bigger cause, an issue under the surface.”
So she’d realized that about him, had she? He didn’t know whether he’d expected her to be perceptive about his motives or not. “That’s one reason why I’m moving into documentaries. I don’t want to hide the cause anymore. I want to go after it. I have the clout and the money to do that now. I can film the stories I want to film.”
“Did you ever think about what you’d be doing if you hadn’t won that award in high school? Where you’d be now?”
He couldn’t tell if she was really asking about them or his life in general. Anytime they got near the personal, the vibrations between them picked up, the attraction he still felt for her ignited. “I still would have found a way to get to L.A. with or without my dad’s approval, with or without his money. You know that. It was that important for me to get away from here and find a life of my own.”
“And what if your career hadn’t worked out so well? What if success hadn’t come easy?”
“Easy? Is that really what you think?”
Moving around the bar, she helped him pull bottles from the cupboard. “It seemed like it. You went to film school, then you were directing your first movie which was a hit. Then you directed another and then another.”
When Zack reached into the cupboard, his shoulder grazed hers and a jolt of awareness hit him in the gut. He leaned away before she could see how that minor contact rocked him.
Clearing his throat, he said, “It did seem like that from the outside, didn’t it? That first film was a technical success, but not an industry success. For a year I worked in the stables outside of Anaheim to make money to keep a one-room apartment. I was still sending out résumés, reading scripts, thinking about what to do to make a career work. I directed a rock video that caught notice and put me in touch with the right people. One of them hired me as an assistant director. After that, I worked day and night, took any project I thought would get some notice until finally, I got my chance. A director backed out and I was in. That movie was an industry success. That movie won me my first Oscar.”
“I never knew you had to work so hard. Did Silas know?”
“Are you kidding? When I left, he told me he knew I’d come running back with my tail between my legs. There was no way in hell I wasn’t going to make my life out there work.”
And he’d been willing to make the two of them work, too. If only Jenny had come with him. If only she had tried, maybe then he wouldn’t still feel resentment and bitterness along with an attraction that wouldn’t fade. The sooner he was back in L.A. again, the better. But he’d made his father a promise, to stay here long enough so Jenny wouldn’t have the burden of running the Rocky D all on her own. He regretted that promise now. Looking into Jenny’s soft brown eyes, feeling his body respond to her, he knew his stay was going to be nothing but torture—on many fronts.
“What’s wrong?” she asked softly. “You look … angry.”
“You don’t want to know.”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Did you ever imagine what your life might have been like if you had come with me?”
She looked surprised, as if she’d never expected that question to pop up. “I … I never wanted that kind of life.”
“How did you know when you hadn’t tried it?” Then he lifted his hand in a dismissive gesture. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have asked. During those couple of tough years, you wouldn’t have stuck by me. I know what you went through with your dad. You would have thought it was just more of the same.”
She looked as if he’d slapped her. There was real hurt in her eyes. He’d never meant to cause that. Or had he? Did he want her to feel the same pain he’d felt when she said she couldn’t go with him? This was so ridiculous, revisiting history that couldn’t be rewritten.
He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. We made the decisions we did.”
In a quiet voice, she asked, “Where has your heart gone, Zack? You talk as if you have nothing but your work. Is that the way it is?”
“Work is everything, isn’t it, Jenny? Isn’t that why you stay here? What else do you have?”
She was quick to answer. “I have Silas. I also have friends and a sense of belonging in Miners Bluff. I have a life here, Zack. All of that is more important to me than just work.”
Zack’s cell phone buzzed and he was actually relieved for the interruption. Taking it from his belt, he checked the caller ID. “Speaking of friends, it’s Dawson. He’s returning my call. I’d better take this.”
Jenny studied him as if she hadn’t expected him to stay in touch with old friends.
He explained quickly, “Dawson, Clay and I kept in touch over the years. Dawson flies out for Lakers games now and then. Clay sends me photos and video clips of Abby. I can’t believe she’s growing as fast as she is.”
He opened his cell and would have passed Jenny without a glance, but she caught his arm, saying, “You stay. I’ll go.” The impression of her fingers burned through his sweater. The room felt hot and he knew it was definitely time to put distance between the two of them.
She hesitated as if she wanted to say so much more, but clearly thought better of it as she released his arm. “I’ll see how Silas is making out with that list.”
Zack wished she would take his memories and regrets with her.
“Hey, Dawson,” Zack said, watching Jenny leave the room. The scent of jasmine that always seemed to surround her still lingered in the air.
“Sorry for the phone tag,” Dawson apologized. “Construction’s picking up again and we’re swamped.”
“How’s Luke?”
There was a long hesitation on Dawson’s part, as if he didn’t talk about his son easily these days. It had been over a year and a half since Dawson’s wife died and Zack knew the boy was having problems getting over his mom’s death. Dawson had talked to him about it when Luke’s school grades had tanked, when he’d started getting in trouble, when Dawson was at his wit’s end because counselors hadn’t seemed able to help.
“That’s why I’m calling, Zack. Come January and the start of a new school term, I’m going to move us back to Miners Bluff.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No, I’m not. I’ve been considering it ever since I spoke to Mikala Conti at the reunion. You know she’s a music therapist.”
“I knew she was a counselor. I just didn’t realize what her specialty was.”
“Luke is into music. He spends more time with the piano and his iPod than with schoolwork or with me. When I mentioned that to Mikala, she said it could be a starting point. I’m willing to give anything a shot. Nothing here is helping.”
Zack knew Dawson’s life in Phoenix was high stress, long hours, with lots of monetary rewards. He had a huge house in Fountain Hills and more money than he’d ever need. But money wasn’t doing his son any good.
“Luke needs a supportive community around him,” Dawson continued. “And Mikala has a high success rate, according to the psychologist who has been treating Luke here. If Mikala could just get him started turning around so that he and I could at least communicate, that would mean everything.”
“What about the business?”
“I can handle it lots of ways. Dad’s a great manager when it comes to my crews. I can run everything long distance, at least temporarily. I have to try this, Zack, because I don’t know what else to do. It’s the first time in my life I’ve felt powerless. I hate it.”
Dawson was the CEO of his own construction company. He handled workers, payrolls, new design projects, architects. Zack had an idea of his frustration now.
“I’m back in Miners Bluff for the moment,” he revealed to his friend.
“You’re kidding! You’ve been away for years, now suddenly two visits in a few months? What happened?”
“Dad had a heart attack.”
“Zack, I’m sorry. How is he?”
“He just came home today. I’m going to be here for the next few weeks, so if there’s anything you need to know before you make the move, just give me a call.”
“Do you have work to keep you busy while you’re there?”
“Some. There’s a new project I’m thinking about doing. I can do a lot of the research from here.”
“Give your dad my regards.”
“I’ll do that. And you call me if you need anything.”
“I will. I’ll be driving up there some time after the first of the year to look at the school. If you’re still there—”
“No way will I still be here.”
Dawson chuckled. “Try not to go stir crazy. I’ll give you a call in a couple of weeks to see how your dad is.”
“Thanks, Dawson. I’ll talk to you soon.”
Zack closed his phone and clipped it onto his belt, wishing he could do something concrete to help his friend. He couldn’t imagine having a child and watching him suffer.
He hadn’t thought much about being a father … until now. He didn’t date women who had motherhood on their minds. Maybe he should think about dating a different type of woman. A woman like …
Jenny?
No, he told himself. They were over.
Chapter Three
Golden sunrise drifted over the pastures of the Rocky D, defying the colder weather that had moved in since the beginning of November. Jenny loved early mornings this time of year, when one season teetered on the brink of another. This early, Silas’s three permanent hands, Hank, Tate and Ben, were already at work. The horses weren’t yet restless to be let out, to be let free. She could forget about what problems the day might bring with Zack and Silas under the same roof and have some time for herself.
She led Songbird from her stall, rubbed her nose and asked conversationally, “Ready for a rough and tumble ride?”
“And just what is a rough and tumble ride?” a deep male voice asked from behind.
Jenny turned and saw Zack coming down the walkway.
“You’re up early,” she said lightly, ignoring her racing heart.
“I usually am. I thought I’d go for a ride instead of doing an early-morning workout. Mind if I join you?”
Had anyone told Zack she rode every morning? Had he come out here purposely to talk to her about something? He seemed to be waiting for an answer so she responded, “I don’t mind. Which horse would you like?”
“Tattoo.”
He’d already picked one out? “How do you know you’re compatible?”
He laughed. “Only you would ask something like that. I was down here last night. Tattoo and I struck up a conversation and we’re well along to becoming friends. So … any problem with me taking him out?”
“No.” She hesitated, then asked, “Why did you come down here last night?” When he gave her a studying look, she said, “Sorry, none of my business, I guess.”
“It was after dinner. You were discussing new recipes with Martha. Dad was on the phone with Clay’s father. I thought I’d take a look around. Everything’s been kept up well. I noticed the mares’ barn had a new roof.”
“Last year.”
“Are you still attracting clients from across the country who want cutting horses for competitions?”
“Yes.”
“And the boarders’ barn is full.”
“Always.”
Zack had to pass her to reach Tattoo’s stall. He was dressed in jeans, boots and a sheepskin jacket this morning.
“You couldn’t have brought that along,” she said gesturing to his coat.
“Nope. It was hanging in the closet in my old room. I’d forgotten about it. It was huge when Mom bought it for me. Now it fits.”
Jenny could almost see the memories in Zack’s eyes, some bittersweet, some warm and some painful. She wasn’t sure what to say.
“We can talk about her, Jen. All my memories of her have been limited to the photographs I took along and the videos I made. I have never had anyone to talk to about her. Do you know what I mean?”
“I do. I mean I talk to Dad about Mom when he’s around, which isn’t often, but I don’t really have anything of hers except the funny hat she used to wear to church. I took it from the bag Dad was giving to Goodwill after she died. I know things are just things, but they seem to mean a lot after someone’s gone. The pearl earrings your mom gave me for high school graduation are one of my prized possessions.”
“You wore them the night of the reunion.”
“You noticed?”
The quiet of the stables seemed to breed intimacy, and this morning was no different. This was the everyday barn, where favorite horses were lodged, where personal tack was kept, where the hayloft up above whispered about the kisses shared there when she and Zack were teenagers. And not only kisses. On that graduation night—
“I noticed,” he responded, and she didn’t know now if they were talking about earrings or so much more. This was dangerous territory for both of them. Especially for her. Since his return, her secret seemed to be on the tip of her tongue, ready to spill out. But there was no reason to tell him about her pregnancy and miscarriage … no reason to hurt him with something they couldn’t change. With him standing there, looking down at her, all brawny and handsome in the sheepskin jacket and jeans, she knew she needed some cool air to capture her equilibrium once again.
“Let’s saddle up,” she suggested a bit shakily.
Zack just gave her an imperceptible nod and moved away.
Ten minutes later they were on the trail. This time of year, the most impressive aspect of the landscape was the mountains in the distance—Moonshadow Mountain and beyond it, Feather Peak.
“Have you ridden to Horsethief Canyon lately?” Zack asked.
Horsethief Canyon led up to Feather Peak. She and Zack had spent time there as teenagers, exploring, hiking, making out.
“No, not lately. Celeste and Clay have. They spent a honeymoon weekend there.”
“You were at their wedding?”
“In their wedding. It was beautiful. They exchanged vows in Clay’s backyard even though his parents probably would have preferred something more elaborate.”
“Clay was always good at standing up to his dad.”
“I think he and Mr. Sullivan have come to a new understanding since he and Celeste married.”
They rode along the fence line until it gave way to rockier terrain. Both horses snorted as if begging to be let loose. Jenny felt the same way. Riding side by side with Zack, she felt edgy, awkward, unlike herself.
“So how about that rough and tumble ride?” he asked with a grin that could always make her breath hitch.
She tossed him a smile over her shoulder and then took off.
She heard Tattoo’s hooves behind her steadily, easily keeping up, not trying to overtake her. She thought this might become a race, but Zack wasn’t racing. When she cast a glance back at him, he looked intense as he usually did, but also as if he was having a good time.
The morning cold reddened her cheeks, numbed her nose, cooled her breath, but she loved every exhilarating moment of it. Zack galloped past her at one point and she strove to overtake him again, but she couldn’t. He didn’t just keep riding ahead, however. At a grove of pines he reined in his horse and waited for her. She knew this stand of trees quite well. She and Zack had sought their shade and cool comfort that final spring, when everything just seemed to be beginning. His face was ruddy, too, now from the cold, his hair windblown, his sheepskin collar turned up against the breeze.
“This is magnificent country,” he said, almost to himself.
“I can’t imagine anywhere as beautiful as this.” The sky was already topaz-blue, devoid of clouds, hovering protectively over the landscape.
“Do you want to dismount for a few minutes? The trees will provide a buffer against the wind.”
Something about being on the ground within the barrier of trees where they’d once spent time seemed dangerous to Jenny. Yet she wasn’t going to be a coward about this. She’d just be very careful.
Zack tethered his horse to a low-slung branch and waited as she did the same. Then in the golden morning light, he found the old path covered with pine needles and dried leaves from the aspen in the not-too-far distance. There was a hushed quality within the grove that Jenny had always liked, that gave her a sense of peace.
Zack followed the path until they were deep inside the grove where sunlight and shadows dappled the ground.
“Soon this could be covered in snow,” she reminded him. “If we’ve had a snowfall, sometimes after the kids finish their lessons, we come out here and play. They bring their saucers and tubes, and it’s great fun.”
“What kids?” he asked with a curious look.
“I give riding lessons. I do it on a sliding scale and take a few pro-bono students who can’t afford to pay. They learn how to ride and groom, and just forget anything that’s troubling them.”
“Like you did.”
“Horses have many lessons to teach, but I give these children goals and they have a sense of accomplishment when they learn how to master riding. I’m hoping those skills will stay with them well into the future.”
Zack was standing beside a tall fir. She went still when she recognized it.
“What is it?” Zack asked, following her gaze. Then he saw the bark of the tree. Their names were carved there, deeply enough to have lasted all these years.
“I can’t believe the weather hasn’t worn them away.”
“Or a lightning strike,” Zack said nonchalantly. But she knew he was remembering the day he carved them there. They’d had exams at school that week and had come riding out here one day to let off steam, to forget about studying, to be together. She’d been so innocent. He’d been so noble. They’d kissed and made out, and she’d known he wanted her. Yet more than once, he’d insisted it wouldn’t be fair if they became really intimate because he’d be leaving.
“You carved our names there, so there would be something lasting of our friendship.” They would have had so much more that was lasting if she hadn’t had the miscarriage. Yet what would they have done? Even if she had told Zack, would she have joined him in California and regretted it?
“Not much is lasting, is it?” he asked rhetorically.
“Friendships last. We both have proof of that.”
“Maybe our high school friendships are the ones that matter most. I don’t have friends in L.A. like Clay and Dawson. Even though we don’t see each other often, we can pick up wherever we left off.”
“Are you sure you don’t miss Miners Bluff?”
He didn’t answer right away, just studied their names, the tall firs, the land that he’d roamed when he was younger. “You can miss something but not need it or count on it or want it in your life anymore.”
She wondered if he was feeding himself a line, or if he really believed that. “I think you don’t want to admit you miss it. I think you don’t want to admit you miss your father.”
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Karen Rose Smith
Dare to dream… these sparkling romances will make you laugh, cry and fall in love – again and again!“Will You Marry Me?”Those are the words Jenny had always longed to hear Zack say. But marrying him would have meant leaving the only home she’d ever known. So instead of following her high-school sweetheart to LA, she stayed on at his family’s ranch. Zack never knew about the secret she carried…Until a near-tragedy brought him home again… Seeing Jenny again makes Zack remember all the sweet passion they once shared. But he only came home to deal with a family crisis. So why is Jenny making him dream of settling down in the one place he’d vowed to leave forever?
He was leaning toward her slightly, one hand over the back of the stall, the other free to do whatever it wanted.
She suddenly wanted his arms around her. She suddenly wanted a lot more than that.
As if he was reading the message in her eyes, he murmured, “I almost did this last night.”
And then his arm was around her and he bent his head to hers.
The first touch of Zack’s lips wasn’t anything like Jenny expected. She’d expected hard, possessive and arrogant. His lips were firm as if he knew what he wanted. But they were coaxing, too … encouraging her to respond.
If she had thought further than that, she might have saved them both a lot of trouble. But she didn’t, because all of her concentration was on the feel of his mouth, the touch of his tongue against hers, the strength of his arms as he pulled her closer. The kiss was a flash from the past that could be a plunge into the future.
Dear Reader,
Can a woman ever forget her first love? Fortunately, my first love proposed! He was my first serious relationship and we clicked as if we’d known each other before we met. We fit.
Zack and Jenny fit when they found each other as teenagers. But dreams and past hurts separated them … Until fifteen years later, at their high school reunion, they realized they still had a bond that might never fade.
This book celebrates young love and the reuniting of hearts. To young love, mature love and the love in between!
Best,
Karen Rose Smith
About the Author
KAREN ROSE SMITH is the award-winning, bestselling novelist of more than seventy published romances. Her latest series, REUNION BRIDES, is set near Flagstaff, Arizona, in Miners Bluff, the fictional town she created. After visiting Flagstaff, the Grand Canyon and Sedona, she felt that the scenery was so awe-inspiring that she had to set books there. When not writing, she likes to garden, growing herbs, vegetables and flowers. She lives with her husband—her college sweetheart—and their two cats in Pennsylvania. Readers may e-mail her through her website at www.karenrosesmith.com, follow her on Facebook or Twitter @ karenrosesmith or write to her at PO Box 1545, Hanover, PA 17331, USA.
Once Upon
a Groom
Karen Rose Smith
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
With fond remembrance of Joan.
Prologue
July
As Zack Decker approached Jenny Farber in the cafeteria, decorated with blue and yellow streamers, memories washed over him. He struggled to maintain the cool facade that had enabled him to direct the most temperamental actresses … that had allowed him to hide the turmoil that had churned inside him since he’d left Miners Bluff fifteen years ago.
In a strapless yellow dress that accentuated her slim but curvy figure, Jenny was dancing with a classmate. The way she was smiling up at the man lit the wrong fuse on Zack’s usually controlled temper.
He clasped Brody Hazlett’s shoulder, dredged up a smile he didn’t feel and ignored the hushed surprise of other classmates he hadn’t seen in years. “Can I cut in?”
Brody let go of Jenny’s hand and faced Zack, his expression friendly. “Hi, Zack. It’s good to see you. The reunion must have meant a lot to you.”
“The reunion, and a few other things,” Zack said off-handedly, his gaze on Jenny as the silver disco ball spun, casting flickering lights across her heart-shaped face. She’d left a message on his cell phone last week. He remembered her words. Zack, please come home for the reunion. I need to talk to you about Silas’s health.
And here he was.
Taking Jenny’s hand in his, he circled her with his arm and steeled himself. As his hand brushed over the bare skin of her back, golden sparks lit her expressive brown eyes, bringing back too many buried memories.
“How long can you stay?” Jenny always went straight for the bottom line.
“Until tomorrow afternoon. I have to be on location in England on Monday.”
“That’s all the time you can spare?” Her voice was less accusatory than wistful … or regretful.
“I hadn’t intended to come to the reunion, but with your call, I revamped my schedule.”
The rhythm of the music overtook them for a few moments. It was a nineties ballad he recalled too well. The melody had wafted from the radio in the hayloft as the two of them …
He shut down the movie in his mind, leaned away from her slender body that had caused an instantaneous and powerful reaction in his. “Do you want to go somewhere quieter to talk?”
Quickly glancing around, she motioned toward the shadowy corridor lined with lockers where they had once exchanged heartfelt secrets … and kisses.
He led the way as he always had, trying to forget that fifteen years ago, she hadn’t followed.
Jenny attempted to calm her racing pulse and swallowed hard. Being in Zack’s arms again upturned her world until she became almost dizzy! He couldn’t still do that to her. She wouldn’t let him.
She watched him stride toward the corridor leading to the stairwell where he stopped and waited for her. He obviously wasn’t used to waiting for anyone. He’d left her behind once before. She imagined he wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.
Remember, he asked you to go with him.
Yes, he had. But she’d been eighteen and had finally found roots with Zack’s parents. As for Zack, he’d wanted to escape both his roots and his mom and dad. All he’d focused on were his dreams and a film school scholarship in L.A. She hadn’t been able to pin their future on something so intangible. Her own father’s dreams had disappointed her too many times to count. Her job as a groom at the Rocky D, Olivia Decker’s faith in her and Silas Decker’s promise to give her more responsibility in the future had been grounding forces much more powerful than her fear of what lay ahead with Zack.
But she had loved him in the ferocious way only an eighteen-year-old could love.
As she walked beside Zack, her high heels clicking on the waxed tile, her arm brushed his. The shiver that rippled through her almost loosened the mass of blond curls she’d pinned on top of her head. How could the brush of her skin against his suit jacket cause such a reaction?
He stopped halfway down the corridor, obviously hoping for privacy.
She gazed up at Zack, reminded again of how tall six-foot-two could be, how broad his shoulders had become, how slim his hips still were. He’d always oozed a James Dean kind of sensuality and that hadn’t changed. With a small cleft at the center of his jaw, his tousled, almost raven-black hair just barely tamed by an obviously expensive cut, his stormy-blue eyes, she realized the tabloids always got it right—he was a heart-breaker.
But then, she knew that from personal experience.
She felt tongue-tied with him, and he seemed to be at a similar loss for words until he said, “I spoke with Dad when I arrived. Sorry I missed you, but I was delayed.”
Had father and son finally had a heart-to-heart and found common ground? “And?” she prompted, instead of saying what she was thinking.
“And,” he drawled, “I don’t understand why you needed me to come. He’s as contentious as ever. He wanted to know if I flew all this way for a few dances for old times’ sake.”
“What did you tell him?”
“The truth—that you thought something was wrong with him.”
“Oh, Zack, you didn’t! I wanted you to observe him when he wasn’t aware of it. If he knows you’re watching, he’ll act all macho.”
“Jenny, I don’t have time to follow him around and act as if I’m not. Like he wouldn’t catch on to that in about ten minutes.”
Men! She was ready to throttle the two of them. Zack hadn’t been home for eight years—not since his mother’s funeral.
“Something is wrong with him,” she insisted with so much vehemence, loose tendrils of hair fluttered along her cheeks. “He can’t walk from the house through the barn without getting winded. He hasn’t taken Hercules riding in weeks. He doesn’t even watch me train anymore. I spent every day in that house with him for the past sixteen years and I know when he’s off his game. He’s off, Zack, and I think there’s a physical reason.”
“Then make him a doctor’s appointment.”
“I did, several times. He won’t go. A few days before, he always cancels it.”
Zack blew out a long breath and looked as if he were drawing on a short store of patience. “What do you want from me, Jenny?”
The first answer that came to mind was—Not a blasted thing. Then she remembered the manners Olivia had taught her … the wisdom that she’d get what she wanted more easily with a light touch than with a heavy one.
“Silas is getting older. What I think he needs most from you is your forgiveness.”
They both went silent, then the surprise on Zack’s face quickly faded. “What do you want me to forgive him for?” he asked, in a low but angry voice. “For the gambling and drinking? For the affairs that hurt my mom? For his lack of faith in my abilities and my career path? Or for the big one—for being responsible for my mother’s death?”
Jenny barely opened her mouth to protest before Zack moved closer. “Don’t give me a sympathetic, ‘Oh, Zack, that’s not true.’ Her plane went down because of a storm, but she was on it because my father had driven her away.”
Jenny had been in the barn that day when Olivia had confronted Silas, holding the credit card statement showing the hotel bill, and the flower order she’d never received. Half the ranch hands had overheard their argument.
All Jenny could say was, “He’s a different man now.”
“Different? He’s the same man he’s always been. So what if he doesn’t gamble anymore?”
This might be her only chance to make Zack understand. “When he lost Olivia, he didn’t just lose his wife, he lost you. All of that changed him.”
Zack shook his head. “You’re as naive as you’ve ever been.”
The arrogance in Zack’s voice nettled her. “No, I’m not naive, but I’ve watched him and worked beside him every day for all these years. He’s changed. He not only doesn’t gamble, but he doesn’t drink, either.”
Instead of responding, Zack peered down the hall to the reunion going strong in the cafeteria. Then very quietly, firmly, he insisted, “I don’t belong here, Jenny. You fit in better than I ever did. My father didn’t want a son who escaped his parents’ fights by videotaping the scenery on Moonshadow Mountain, by recreating an old Western with some of his friends in Horsethief Canyon.”
Tears burned her eyes because he was right. Zack and Silas had never understood each other very well. Still, she answered his vehemence with softness. “Silas wanted a son to take over the Rocky D. That’s all he ever expected of you.”
“You know I loved training the horses, almost as much as you did. But I never wanted this to be the extent of my world. I had bigger dreams than that.”
“And you’ve made them come true.”
After a lengthy pause, he responded, “Yes, I have.”
She heard the pride in his voice and knew his success was as important to him as the Rocky D was to Silas. “Then be a little generous,” she pleaded. “Be kind, and forgive what neither of you can change. Find out what it is to be father and son as grown-ups.”
“You’re still an optimist who won’t step outside of her little world.”
“Don’t talk down to me,” she returned hotly. “I found the life I want in Miners Bluff. If you want to travel the world, be my guest. But I’m perfectly happy right here on the Rocky D.”
“You’re like him,” Zack maintained. “You both have tunnel vision. The two of you believe the Rocky D is the only world that matters, but you’re wrong. You’re also wrong about Dad needing my forgiveness. Granted, I haven’t been in much contact with him since Mom died—I phone now and then because he is my father—but he’s never reached out to me.”
If her plea was for herself, she’d let Zack walk away. But it was for Silas. “Please, Zack. Can’t you at least stay for a few days? Or at least come back after the shoot.”
“The shoot will take three months.”
The walls in Zack’s eyes were as solid as the armor he wore on his heart. “So why did you bother to come home?”
“Because you asked, and so I could get a quick peek for myself. I think you’re overreacting. Dad might simply be growing older and you don’t want to recognize that.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Time will tell. Make him another doctor’s appointment. That’s all you can do.”
“He might listen to you.”
“To a son he’s never listened to before? I doubt that.”
“You’re as stubborn and blind as he is!” Her voice had risen and she hoped it hadn’t carried down the hall.
“I’m not going to argue with you, Jenny. I have a plane to catch tomorrow afternoon.”
She was outraged that he cared so little about Silas and the Rocky D that he wouldn’t stay long enough to see the full picture.
“This project is important to me,” he went on. “It has to get off to a good start.”
“And you don’t care what ends here?”
“Everything here ended for me a long time ago.” With those words, and a last long look, Zack walked away.
Jenny stared at his back, remembering the first time he’d left her. Six weeks later, she’d discovered she was pregnant. Six weeks after that, she’d miscarried.
Zack Decker might think he knew everything, but he still didn’t know that.
Chapter One
Late October
Finally back in L.A., Zack studied the stack of script revisions on his desk, the mound of messages not important enough to return while he’d been on location. He started with the most recent, saw Dawson Barrett’s name and smiled. He and Dawson had kept in touch over the years, and they’d reconnected briefly at the reunion a few months ago.
He’d call Dawson when he returned to his penthouse later that night. From the amount of reading on his desk, he would be staying in the city this weekend.
He swore. He’d been looking forward to a couple of days at his house in Malibu. That was the one place he could relax. Usually he derived satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment after a movie was in the can. But this time, his mind had kept drifting. The adrenaline rush had been missing and he didn’t know why.
His cell phone vibrated against his hip. He considered ignoring it, then pulled it from his belt and studied the caller ID on the screen, surprised to see it was Jenny. A sense of foreboding zipped from his head to his loafers.
“Jenny?”
Words came tumbling from her. “I was afraid you’d still be out of the country.”
“I just got back yesterday. What’s wrong?”
He heard her take a steadying breath and he braced himself for what was coming.
“Silas collapsed. I rode with him in the ambulance to Flagstaff—” Her voice caught.
Zack went numb, absolutely numb. Images of his dad riding Hercules, giving the hands orders, smoking a Cuban cigar, flew through his mind. The idea of Silas being loaded into an ambulance … How could Jenny have been so right when he’d seen no evidence of a problem? Was he blind where his father was concerned?
He pushed out the words lodged in his throat. “I’ll catch the first flight out.”
“Zack …”
To his surprise, he still felt connected to Jenny and could read her thoughts. “I know you’re scared. Try to take a deep breath and hope for the best. Call me with updates. If I’m on the plane, I’ll get your message when I land.”
“What if you can’t get a seat?”
“Then I’ll charter a plane. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
“Thank you.”
Her voice wobbled in a way that was so unlike Jenny that Zack’s throat tightened. “No thanks necessary. I should have listened to you.”
She said nothing.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. Hold tight.”
She murmured her thanks again and ended the call.
Conflicting emotions battered Zack as he turned to his computer to make a reservation. What would he find when he got to Flagstaff? Hope for the best, he’d told Jenny.
Just what was the best?
Late that night, Zack rushed into the emergency room entrance of the stucco and brick hospital in Flagstaff, his pulse racing. He’d thought he’d distanced himself from his father. He’d thought he simply didn’t care anymore. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t seen the symptoms Jenny had noticed when he’d been home for the reunion. Or maybe his father pretended as much as he himself did.
It was possible his father had put up a front for Zack’s benefit, but Zack’s coolness and reserve toward Silas wasn’t a pretense. They’d had many arguments before Zack had left for film school. Growing up, he’d often seen his dad inebriated after a high-stakes poker game. He’d heard his parents’ arguments and known his dad was always at the root of them. When Zack had learned what had happened the day his mother died, why she’d taken off in that airplane to visit her sister in Montana, he’d disowned his father just as his father had practically disowned him when he left the ranch to pursue a film career.
After inquiring at the desk and showing ID, he headed for the cardiac intensive care unit and found Jenny in one of the waiting rooms. Even looking distraught and pale, she was a beautiful woman. At thirty-three, maturity had touched her in attractive ways. Her glossy blond, shoulder-length hair framed a heart-shaped face that had taken on a more haunting beauty. Her deep brown eyes, always wide with emotions, were stunning as she looked up at him.
“I’m so glad you’re here. They’ve stabilized him but—” The quick shutdown of her thoughts told Zack just how upset she was.
Shrugging out of his leather jacket, he laid it over the back of the sofa.
“Did you even have time to pack?” she asked.
“No. I keep a duffle in my office with a change of clothes and workout gear. I just grabbed that.”
“Are you going to try to see him now?”
“Yes, for a few minutes. Thanks for giving me his doctor’s number. I called him after I landed. He said he’d noted on the chart that I could see him when I arrived.”
“Zack, you can’t upset him.” She looked as if that was hard for her to say, but yet she knew she had to say it.
Her regret didn’t help the sting, though, and he replied, almost angrily, “Do you think I would? My God, Jenny, I don’t wish him harm.”
“How would I know what you wish him, Zack?”
She was right. How would she know? They hadn’t really talked except about the most mundane practical things when he called his father now and then. He’d felt it was his duty to keep in touch even though he hadn’t wanted to. Sometimes Jenny would answer. Sometimes they’d exchange pleasantries. Others she’d just tell Silas he was on the line.
We live in different worlds, he reminded himself, not for the first time. Yet standing here, facing her again, years dropped away and lingering nudges of what they’d once shared startled him. Memories ran through his head of the two of them sitting on the corral fence talking … of gentling a foal together … of graduating … of making love in the hayloft. No—not making love. Having sex. If it had been love, Jenny would have gone with him to L.A. when he’d asked her.
“How long are you going to stay?” she asked, and he could see she was already preparing herself for the fact he might be here merely twenty-four hours again.
“I don’t know. Let’s just see what happens after tomorrow. I’ll conference with the doctor and then decide.”
She appeared to want to say something, maybe ask him if he could stay longer than a day, but she didn’t. Instead she murmured, “I’ll get a blanket and pillows while you’re gone. I’m bunking here tonight.”
Zack knew his father had become a dad to Jenny, the way her own had never been. It was ironic that Silas couldn’t be a real father to Zack when Zack was growing up, but with Jenny—Silas Decker had never been anything but supportive, positive and encouraging with her even before his wife had died. Maybe that’s because Jenny hadn’t been a disappointment to him. Or because she had stepped into the role that Zack had been groomed for but had refused.
“I’m going to see him now.” Zack steeled himself for the visit, knowing he did have to distance himself from this experience and whatever happened next.
Surprising him, Jenny crossed to him and touched his forearm. It was just a whisper of a touch, no pressure at all. Yet Zack felt the fire of it. He felt his body respond to it, and he pulled away before she could guess what was happening. But not before he saw the disappointment on her face that they couldn’t have a heart-to-heart about this.
There would be no heart-to-hearts, not tonight, not in the days to come. He didn’t do that because letting himself be vulnerable would only invite pain. He’d seen it with his parents. He’d felt it with Jenny, and he’d certainly experienced it in L.A.
He headed for his father’s cubicle, not knowing what to expect.
Zack walked into the glass enclosure and stopped short. Silas’s eyes were closed and his complexion was ashen, almost as gray as the hair fringing his head. His mustache was still black but streaked with gray, too. His father was a strapping man—six foot tall and husky. He’d gained weight over the past ten years. Seeing him like this, lying in a bed in a hospital gown, hooked up to IVs and God knew what else, Zack had to absorb the fact his father was aging.
What had Zack thought? That the years would keep passing and his father would remain the same?
His dad’s eyes fluttered open, and he stared at Zack for a few seconds without speaking. Finally he said hoarsely, “You came.”
Still struck by his father’s appearance, Zack didn’t respond.
“You didn’t want to come, did you?” Silas asked, sounding more like his old self. “This is a duty call.”
Was that true? Not entirely, but he didn’t admit it. “You had a heart attack,” he said without answering the question.
Silas gave a slight shrug. “That’s what Jenny tells me. The doc uses words that don’t make any sense, and tomorrow, well, I don’t know what’s going to happen. There’s always a chance—”
Zack stepped closer to the bed. “No, there isn’t. You’re going to have what’s called a cardiac catheterization. It’s going to show what’s wrong and your doctor is going to fix it.”
“Sometimes you can find out what’s wrong and not be able to fix it.”
“You can’t think that way going into it.”
“And here I thought you’d like it if I just faded away and you didn’t have to deal with me anymore.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Zack said the words, but he did feel guilty. Hadn’t he often wondered what life would be like without his father’s carping?
“Don’t lie to me. The truth is the truth is the truth.”
No matter what had happened before, Zack said with certainty, “I want you to be well. I want you to be healthy again. Jenny is worried sick about you and she needs you.”
His father swallowed, looked away for a moment, then back at him. “She’s the daughter I never had. Her own father’s a fool for not realizing what a gem he has in her.”
Silent, Zack considered Jenny’s background and the year he’d been closer to her than he’d ever been to anyone.
Silas asked, “What are you thinking about?”
After a few moments’ reluctance, he answered, “How much Jenny meant to Mom and you.” And how she’d refused to go with him to L.A. That thought still had the power to bring back bitterness and regret.
“I need you to promise me something,” his father entreated in a low, serious voice.
“What?” Zack asked warily.
“With me out of commission, Jenny can’t handle the burden of the Rocky D on her own. She’s taken over even more responsibility the past couple of months with management of the ranch as well as training the horses, but it’s all too big for any one person. So no matter what happens tomorrow, will you stay a month, six weeks, and help her get a handle on whatever has to be done?”
“Dad—”
“I know it’s a lot to ask. I know this isn’t your life. You have big fish to fry. Well, the Rocky D has big fish, too. I know you think I have no right to ask anything of you. That might be true. But Jenny’s going to need some help, and you’re the only one I trust to give her that help.”
If his father had asked for his own benefit, Zack might have been able to turn him down. But the way he’d put it, how could Zack refuse? Still, he had commitments of his own.
Silas continued, “You could set up shop at the Rocky D for a while. There’s plenty of room. You could have your own office in the east wing.” He hesitated. “I have a home theater there now, too.”
The sliding glass doors of Silas’s cubicle opened and a nurse bustled in. “Time’s about up,” she said gently but firmly. “Your father needs his rest.”
Zack knew that was true. He also knew state of mind could make a big difference if his father was to recover. No, he didn’t want to stay. No, he didn’t want to get roped back into a life he’d left behind. No, he didn’t want to be around Jenny and feel that old tug of desire they’d shared.
“Think about it,” his father said.
Zack knew he wouldn’t be able to do much else.
The following morning, Jenny paced the waiting room while Zack worked on his laptop. She didn’t know how he could concentrate with his dad undergoing the heart catheterization. Even during the night as she’d tried to doze on the sofa, she’d caught glimpses of images flickering on the laptop screen where Zack studied them and tapped the computer keys. He hadn’t slept at all.
When he’d returned from seeing his dad last night, he’d been remote and silent. This morning, after visiting Silas again, he’d been the same. Just what was going through his head? Once, so many years ago, she would have known. For the past fifteen years, she hadn’t had a clue. For the gazillionth time, she thought about what might have been if she hadn’t lost their baby. Quickly she shut down those thoughts.
With a long, blown-out breath, Zack closed the lid of the machine, pushed it deeper onto the side table, stood and rolled his shoulders. His muscles rippled under his black T-shirt. Above the waistband of his khakis, she could glimpse just how flat his stomach still was.
“Do you do that often?” she asked, feeling wrinkled and rumpled and not as put together as he had always looked no matter what he wore. The lines around Zack’s eyes were deeper now, but other than that he looked … as charismatic and sexy as ever.
“Work through the night? Oh, yeah. Especially when we’re on deadline.”
“For a movie?”
“For a movie, for an edit, for a casting.” He shrugged. “It’s the nature of the business.”
“Here I thought you lounged in a chaise at the beach most of the time,” she joked.
He gave her a long considering look. His blue eyes were so direct with an intense focus that hadn’t changed. “My life isn’t what it seems from the outside.”
“The outside?” She was genuinely curious.
“What you see and hear. The premieres, the publicity for the movies. It looks as if it isn’t staged, but all of it is.”
“Even those photos of you on the beach?” She wouldn’t mention the drop-dead gorgeous models and actresses he was always photographed with.
“Exactly.”
Pausing only a second, she prodded, “Does Silas know about your real life, or do you only tell him about the outside?”
“Dad hears what he wants to hear.”
“But do you talk about your actual work with him?”
“You probably know how much we talk. It’s mostly about the weather, his horse buyers, if I’ll be nominated for another Oscar.”
“If you made a point of telling him …”
Zack scowled and even that expression was sexy as the corners of his mouth turned down. “You’re not going to be on my back about talking to Dad the whole time I’m here, are you? Because if you are, I’m going to spend most of my time working.”
If he’d intended to frame that bomb of information into his response, she didn’t know. But she surely realized the implication. “The time you’re here? How long will that be?”
“We’ll figure it out after he’s back up here giving orders again.”
“We’re talking about more than a few days?”
“It depends on his condition. I’ll let you know after I speak with his doctor.”
For just a moment, Jenny felt her heart fall. She really didn’t have a right to be here, or to any information. No matter she spent every day with Silas, saw his symptoms develop, and cared deeply that they had. She wasn’t a relative. Zack was his son. She was not Silas’s daughter.
That thought brought to mind the inevitable one of wondering where her own father was right now. Maybe she cared so much about Silas because her own dad didn’t seem to want her to care about him. And she shouldn’t, because he always left … he never stayed. But she did care.
“What are you thinking?” Zack asked, as he crossed to the sofa where she sat. He moved the magazine she had tried to concentrate on, lowered himself beside her, yet not too close.
Did he feel any remnant of the attraction that had rippled between them as teenagers? The attraction she felt now? “I’m not thinking. I’m just worried.”
“Bull. Something was ticking through that pretty head of yours besides worry.”
His attitude both shook and angered her. “You don’t know me anymore, so don’t try to read me like a mentalist at a carnival.”
“So you think I don’t know you?” His voice was lower as he said, “When you’re thinking, little frown lines appear right here.”
He touched the space between her brows and her heart rapped against her ribs.
“But when you’re worrying—” he slid his finger across the side of her mouth “—this dimple disappears and sometimes your lower lip quivers.”
She was mesmerized by the pad of his finger on her skin … trembling from skimming her gaze over the breadth of his shoulders, his beard stubble, the past memories in his eyes.
Grabbing her composure for all she was worth, she straightened her shoulders and leaned back. “You’re making that up.”
“Nope. You haven’t changed all that much. You grew up fast and were always direct, curious and sassy. Give me one way you’re different now than when you came to live at the Rocky D when you were seventeen.”
Instead of an off-the-cuff flip reply, she considered his request. “Now I think before I speak. I hope I’ve learned to have as much patience with people as I’ve always had with horses.”
He smiled and she wished he hadn’t. Zack smiling was almost impossible to resist.
“You think before you speak and have patience with everyone but me.”
She was about to protest, to tell him he was all wrong, but she considered what he’d said. “I guess with you, my good intentions get short-circuited.”
His smile faded. “So tell me what you were thinking.”
Zack had always been determined. Maybe this time she shouldn’t fight his desire to know. “I was thinking I have no official right to be here … to know Silas’s condition. But I’d like to be included.”
The cold detachment she’d sensed in Zack when he’d arrived, dissipated altogether. “Of course you’ll be included. Has anyone told you differently?”
“Oh, no. The staff and doctors have been understanding.”
Zack was studying her as if he knew old insecurities still haunted her. She couldn’t let him see that sometimes they did. Most of all, she couldn’t let him see that she was still attracted to him.
Rising to her feet, she said, “I’m going to get coffee. I’ll bring you a cup.”
“Black,” he told her as he rose, too, and returned to the laptop.
He’d always taken his coffee black, but she wouldn’t let him see she remembered that … along with everything else.
Chapter Two
When Jenny returned to the waiting room with two cups of coffee, Zack wasn’t there. She didn’t know what to think. Had there been news about Silas? She set down the coffee, noticed Zack’s laptop wasn’t on the table and was about to ask for information at the nurses’ desk when he strode into the waiting room, cell phone in his hand.
“Is Silas finished?” she asked.
“Not that I know of. I locked my laptop in the car and went to make a call.” When she glanced at his cell phone, he clipped it onto his belt.
“Business?” she asked, not sure why she was asking. Maybe she just wanted to probe a little.
“Actually, no, it wasn’t.”
“Someone who wondered where you disappeared to?” She knew she shouldn’t be inquiring about this. His life was none of her business, not anymore. Still, she was curious.
Amused, he asked, “You want details?”
“Only if you want to get them off your chest.”
He cast her a wry smile. “No, I don’t think I do.”
She felt the disappointment like a weight. She should have known better. For all she knew, he was dating three different women at once. That was certainly what the tabloids led everyone to believe. One of the most eligible bachelors in L.A. didn’t need to be married or even in a relationship because he was having too much fun. Though from what he’d said last night—
He approached her until he stood close enough to touch. “I left L.A. in a rush. I have lots of loose ends that aren’t tied up.”
Including a relationship with a woman? she wanted to ask, yet didn’t. The one thing she’d learned long ago was never to make the same mistake twice. That was how she’d learned to accept disappointment where her dad was concerned. That was how she’d learned to move on, always looking for a new way to solve a problem, a new way to handle a loss. She’d lost Zack once. She wouldn’t make the mistake of feeling too much for him again. It really was as simple as that. Practice had taught her well. Now she had to just keep her wits about her and pretend that being this near to him didn’t send a tingle of awareness through her body.
Since she couldn’t—wouldn’t—ask anything personal, she forced a smile and inquired, “Do you really have a house in Malibu, a penthouse in L.A. and a condo in Vail?”
“Now where did that come from?” His forehead furrowed but there was a sparkle of curiosity in his eyes.
“I’m just wondering how much of the tabloid stories about you I can believe.”
“Well, at least the real estate I have is one thing they got right. Yes, to all of the above.”
“And you’ve been to every continent?” she pushed.
“I have, for either work or pleasure.”
“You actually vacationed in Antarctica?”
At that, he let out a chuckle. “Yes, I did. Why are you so amazed?”
“Because I can’t imagine why anyone would want to vacation there.”
His blue gaze became more probing. “Jenny, don’t you want to see the world?”
“Why would I? I’m happy here.”
He shook his head as if he couldn’t understand that philosophy at all. “Don’t you want to know how other people live? What work means to them … what gives their lives meaning?”
“Does your curiosity get satisfied in your travels?”
He considered that. “I don’t know. But I always find answers to some unanswered questions I didn’t even know were lurking in my mind. That probably doesn’t make any sense to you.”
She could see he wasn’t talking down to her, but really trying to clarify his point of view. “When I want an answer, I just work at finding it right here. But then I guess that’s why I gentle horses and you make movies.”
“The movie-making might change now.”
“How? Why?”
Suddenly, Zack’s focus shifted from her to the doorway. When she peered around him, she saw Dr. Murphy, Silas’s cardiologist. He looked serious and she couldn’t tell from his expression exactly what had happened.
The cardiac surgeon said, “Zack has signed appropriate forms and instructed me you’re to be kept up-to-date on everything that concerns his father’s condition.”
She murmured to Zack, “Thank you.”
His gaze briefly met hers and she gained a momentary glimpse of the young man she’d once loved. The next moment his attention focused on the cardiologist as he asked, “Good news or bad?”
Although Zack might be a visionary behind the camera, Jenny realized he was a pragmatist, too.
“A little of both. There has been heart muscle damage, which we suspected from the myocardial infarction. But we inserted two stents and with a change in lifestyle, I think he’ll regain his energy and maybe some of the verve he’s lost in the past few months. He’s a lucky man … lucky this happened when someone was with him and fortunate an ambulance got him here as soon as it did. No one is ever happy about life changes they need to make to continue good health, but your father seems like a practical man. I’m hoping with the two of you to help convince him, he’ll see this as a positive life change, not as something he has to dread. I’ll have a nutritionist talk to him before he leaves.”
“Can I sit in?” Jenny asked. “He has a housekeeper and I’d like to relay any information to her. Maybe we can devise meals that he doesn’t think are too boring.”
The doctor smiled. “Diet and exercise will be the two main components of his life changes and …” He motioned to Zack. “Zack told me you’d be a big help with that.”
“What about a cardiac rehab program?” Zack asked.
“I’ll be speaking with your father about that, too. There are a couple of different ways we can handle it. He’ll have to choose what’s right for him.”
“He’ll probably want a private nurse and a home gym,” Zack muttered.
The doctor didn’t look fazed. He just said, “Whatever it takes.”
Jenny knew he was right. She would do whatever it took to keep Silas on the road to good health. Seeing how quickly Zack had responded to her call, she was hopeful he would, too, even if it was only so he could get back to his own life.
“How long do you think it will be until he’s able to do the things he wants to do again?” she asked.
“We’re going to have to see how his recuperation comes along. But if you’re asking in general terms, I’d say four to six weeks at least. Maybe longer until the changes he makes take effect.”
Jenny saw Zack frown and didn’t know what that meant. Would he consider staying in Miners Bluff that long? If so, why? Did he feel she couldn’t handle Silas on her own? Or was he simply worried about his father and didn’t want to admit it?
“I’m going to keep him in CICU for today. Tomorrow, if all goes well, I’ll transition him to an intermediary room. I want to keep an eye on his blood oxygen level. Then we’ll decide what happens next.”
Zack extended his hand to shake the cardiologist’s. “Thank you.”
Jenny did the same, saying, “I wish we weren’t so far from the hospital.”
“Miners Bluff has a superior urgent care center. Don’t hesitate to go there or call me if there are any problems.” The doctor moved toward the door. There he stopped. To Zack he said, “Your dad is a tough customer. It might take both of you to convince him to do what he needs to do.” Then he exited the room, leaving Zack and Jenny alone—each wondering what came next.
Four days later, Jenny stepped through the mahogany French doors to Silas’s parlor, surprised to see Zack cleaning out the cupboard behind the wet bar. “What are you doing?”
Zack didn’t know if this was going to be a fight or not, but he wouldn’t back down from it. He stacked bottles of liquor into a carton. “I’m clearing away temptation. Dad’s resting, I hope?”
They’d driven into Flagstaff together to pick him up when he was discharged. Both wanted to hear what the instructions were for after-care. He was supposed to take it easy for the next week. Zack wasn’t sure that meant the same thing to his father that it meant to him.
He continued to remove bottles from the cabinet and shove them in the box. “I know he doesn’t like staying in one of the guest bedrooms down here, but it’s for his own good. I’ll stay down here, too, then I can keep an eye on him.”
“He can use the intercom system if he needs you.”
Zack stared down into the box so long, Jenny finally asked, “Zack?”
“Sorry. I was remembering … This isn’t the first time I’ve done something like this.”
She looked puzzled. “What do you mean?”
Did he want to get into this with her? Why not? The past didn’t matter anymore. If she didn’t know the gritty details, maybe it was time. “Dad drank and gambled for as far back as I can remember, then he’d come home and fight with Mom. When I was around ten, I got this mistaken impression that if I went through the house and got rid of some of the liquor, that might make a difference. So I’d take out a bottle here, a bottle there and I’d dump them behind the barn. I couldn’t wipe out the whole cupboard, there would’ve been hell to pay. But at least I felt I was doing something.”
He saw the softening in Jenny’s brown eyes and he knew what that meant. It was pity. He certainly didn’t want her pity, not for the boy he’d been, and certainly not for the man he was now. “That taught me one very important lesson,” he added, suddenly realizing exactly why he was telling her this story. “You can’t make a difference in someone’s life unless they want you to.”
She crossed the hunter green and burgundy Persian rug, rounding a suede and leather sofa. “That’s not true, Zack. Don’t tell me you believe that.”
When she stopped in front of the bar, he focused his gaze on her. “Do you think you’ve made a difference in his life?” He knew Jenny had poured everything she was and everything she could have been into Silas and the Rocky D.
“I have made a difference. Because I’ve become a substitute for you.”
This time there was no pity in her eyes but there was something else he couldn’t decipher. That bothered him. He used to understand Jenny so well … why she yearned for bonds she could depend on.
Jenny’s father had done his duty by her when he’d had to. His love had always been the rodeo. Early on, Jenny had had her mom, but had only seen her dad when he came in from the circuit. After that …
Jenny’s mom had suddenly died of a brain aneurysm when Jenny was eight and her father had been devastated. Jenny had known, even though he wasn’t at home that much, that he and her mom had really loved each other. After a year of Jenny taking care of Charlie, rather than Charlie taking care of her, he’d left her with a neighbor more and more, always chasing a rodeo purse and a dream. That’s the way it had been until Jenny had done an internship on the Rocky D the summer before her senior year in high school. She’d loved horses, handled them expertly and calmed them, showing up his father’s best grooms. His mother had started giving her other responsibilities and had let her handle some of the bookwork. When his mom learned her history, she’d asked Jenny if she wanted to live with them her senior year of high school. Charlie had easily agreed, handing off some of the responsibility for his almost-grown child. Jenny became like a daughter to the Deckers.
Zack’s attraction to Jenny and hers to him had revved up the moment she’d set foot on the Rocky D. Zack had known it wouldn’t be fair to start something with her, when he intended to leave Miners Bluff as soon as he could. Jenny, on the other hand, wore her heart on her sleeve, which had made it easy for him to confide in her, go on long walks and rides, become close to her in a way he’d never been close to a girl before. The night of their high school graduation, they’d gone to the all-night party, come home around 3:00 a.m. and climbed up to the hayloft, which had become their private place. They’d been so excited. He’d won the National Young Filmmakers Scholarship and his dad had hired her to be one of his horse trainers and handlers. In that excitement, their threshold of restraint had fallen low. They’d made love in that hayloft. He’d asked her to go with him to L.A. She’d refused. That had been the end of them.
“You didn’t have to be a substitute for anyone,” Zack protested, feeling as if she were blaming him for something about her life, too.
“I didn’t say I didn’t want to be here, because I did. But I also realized that after your mother died, Silas gave up on the idea that you’d ever come back.”
Staying in this house again, recollections from that difficult time in Zack’s life pummeled him. As he’d tried to do since he’d returned, he shoved them away. “Even if Mom hadn’t died, I doubt if I would have come back. When she visited me in L.A., she made sure to tell me she was proud—of me, of my work … But have you forgotten that when I left for film school, my father cut me off? He didn’t want to know how the classes were, or what kind of projects I was doing. He didn’t want to know if I was successful. He just didn’t care. He’d planned for me to take his place someday. He blamed her for my absence because she gave me my first video camera.”
Jenny leaned closer, the bar still a barrier between them. “You’re both carrying too many shadows from the past. It’s time to let go of all of it.”
Just a whiff of Jenny’s perfume unsettled Zack and lit fires he’d rather douse. “What about your dad, Jenny? Have you let go of all of it?” He saw immediately that he’d struck home and he shouldn’t have. He shook his head. “I had no right to ask that.”
With a sigh, she leaned away. “Maybe you did. After all, I’m giving you advice.”
With a shrug, he admitted, “I have no advice, not about fathers and their kids.” Closing the top of the carton, he taped it then started filling another.
Finally she said, “I’ve learned something over the years, Zack. I do have to accept reality. Wishing my dad would change only brought me heartache, so I accept him for who he is and don’t expect anything. That way I don’t get hurt.”
Her acceptance of her own father’s shortcomings made him feel like a jerk. He shouldn’t have complained about the childhood he’d had when Jenny’s had been so much worse. Losing her mom as a kid couldn’t have been easy. Staying with a neighbor who really wasn’t interested in babysitting while her father was gone had to have made Jenny feel unwanted.
She proved that as she told him, “After Mom died and I had to stay with Mildred when Dad left for the circuit, I disappeared into the library downtown and learned everything I could about horses … to fill up my life and I guess my heart, too. I didn’t have the guts to come to a place like the Rocky D to learn what I needed to know to become a horse trainer, but I went to smaller ranches, asked if I could help with chores and got paid enough to buy clothes for school. I didn’t care about the money as much as I just wanted to be around the animals, to know more about them. Some of those horses were my best friends until I went to high school and really got to know Mikala and Celeste. Up until then I shied away from the other girls because I felt they made fun of me … and looked down on me. Celeste and I had a lot in common because we were both girls from the wrong side of the tracks. I’m not sure how Mikala hooked up with us, maybe because her mother wasn’t around much when she was growing up. But they became my safety net—they were always there for me. How did you and Dawson and Clay become friends?”
“The reverse of you and Celeste and Mikala, I guess. Our families went back to the founding fathers of Miners Bluff. In one way or another, we were all rebelling against authority, against our fathers, our families. Don’t get me wrong, we didn’t talk about it. Guys didn’t do that.” He shot her a wry grin. “But we knew we all wanted to be independent and forge our own course, no matter what anybody else thought.”
“Rebels with a cause?” she joked.
“Minus the motorcycles. Clay and I used horses. Dawson had a Mustang.”
She laughed at the pun.
Whenever he and Jenny found a nonvolatile subject, he enjoyed the ease of talking to her, just as he had when he was a teenager.
In high school, they’d all hung out at Mikala’s aunt’s bed and breakfast where her refrigerator and pantry was overstocked with everyone’s favorite drinks and snacks. As he and Jenny started spending more time alone after she moved in at the Rocky D, long talks about anything and everything had taken place in the barn and hayloft. Long talks … and plenty of kisses….
But they weren’t kids anymore and the shadow of him leaving and her refusal to go with him sidled in and out between them now, along with the electricity that never seemed to cease buzzing.
“Is there anywhere else you think I should look for a stash like this?” He waved at the remaining bottles.
“You could ask me,” Silas said from the doorway. Both Zack and Jenny jumped, startled by his appearance.
“All right,” Zack agreed quickly, deciding to face his father head-on in everything now. “Is there anyplace else you’d like me to clean out?” He tried to ignore the fact that his father was leaning on a cane and looking pale. His physician had warned them not to expect too much too soon, but it was hard seeing his father like this.
Silas entered the room and straightened up to his full six-foot height. “You don’t have to clean anything out. I haven’t had a drop of liquor for a year. I keep that assortment for my friends, or for cocktail parties, like the one I had to introduce Clay Sullivan to some possible clients. It was the same night we all watched your new movie.”
That derailed Zack’s thoughts. “You got a pirated copy?”
“I did. I didn’t want to wait for the premiere.”
Sometimes Zack forgot how well his father was connected. “You never told me you watched it.”
“Does it matter?”
Good question—and he really wasn’t sure of the answer. Did he want to know what his father thought about it? Chances were good Silas would have something critical to say. Not that Zack couldn’t take criticism. He’d had to take plenty of it to get where he was now. But coming from his father, it would be nice to hear something positive, some sort of encouragement or pat on the back he’d never gotten as a kid.
Silas stroked his mustache. “If you’re looking for cigars in addition to the liquor, you’ll find a box in my bottom desk drawer in my office. They’re underneath the Bible. I haven’t had a smoke in the past six months.”
As Zack looked into his father’s eyes, he wished he could believe him. But after years of hearing his dad lie to his mother so many times, he knew trust hadn’t even been a word in his father’s vocabulary.
Deciding to leave this discussion for the present, Zack asked his dad, “Is there anything I can bring you from upstairs to make you more comfortable down here?”
“I’ll only be comfortable when I’m in my own room again,” Silas grumbled.
Jenny, who’d been absorbing the conversation, stepped in. “It’s only for a few days, Silas. Besides, you’ll have a great view of the back pasture from the guest room. You can watch the yearlings when we let them out on the nice days.”
“Nice days?” Silas barked. “You won’t be seeing many more of them. I heard we’re in for snow next week.”
“So you can watch them frolic in the snow when I exercise them,” she responded, unfazed.
“While I eat sawdust and vegetables.”
“Do you think I’d let Martha serve you sawdust and vegetables? I’m smarter than that. We’re going to make such tasty recipes you won’t be able to resist.”
Finally, Silas broke into a slow smile. “If anybody can do it, you can.” He sighed and ran a hand through his halo of gray hair. “Already I’m more tired than if I’d ridden out to Feather Peak. Jeez, how long is this going to last?”
“You know what the doctor said. It could be a while—a month, two, maybe even three. But with a new diet and some exercise when you’re ready, you’ll be feeling better soon, Silas. I promise you.”
He looked at her the way a doting father looks at a loving daughter. “Your promises I believe.”
With a last glance at Zack, he said, “I’ll make that list.”
After Silas had gone, his cane tapping on the hardwood floor down the hall, Zack turned to Jenny, feeling somewhat unnerved by witnessing the bond that had developed between her and his dad. Was he envious of it? Yet how could he be when it had been his choice to put his dad in the recesses of his life for so many years?
“What if he doesn’t feel better in three months?” he challenged her. “What if the way he’s feeling now is as good as it gets? That happens, you know.”
“Maybe so. But I can’t think that way and Silas doesn’t need you thinking that way. We have to encourage him, day by day.” She studied Zack for so long it made him uncomfortable.
“What?”
“I don’t think you’re used to encouraging anyone, are you?”
“That’s not true. I deal with temperamental actors all the time.”
“That isn’t the same thing at all. I’m talking about common kindness, compassion and an optimistic attitude to make someone want to get better, want to do their best in life, not in a make-believe world.”
“Do you think I deal with make-believe? Have you even watched any of my movies?”
That made Jenny’s cheeks flush. “Of course I have. I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right. I know you don’t just produce and direct entertainment. There’s always more than that to it, a bigger cause, an issue under the surface.”
So she’d realized that about him, had she? He didn’t know whether he’d expected her to be perceptive about his motives or not. “That’s one reason why I’m moving into documentaries. I don’t want to hide the cause anymore. I want to go after it. I have the clout and the money to do that now. I can film the stories I want to film.”
“Did you ever think about what you’d be doing if you hadn’t won that award in high school? Where you’d be now?”
He couldn’t tell if she was really asking about them or his life in general. Anytime they got near the personal, the vibrations between them picked up, the attraction he still felt for her ignited. “I still would have found a way to get to L.A. with or without my dad’s approval, with or without his money. You know that. It was that important for me to get away from here and find a life of my own.”
“And what if your career hadn’t worked out so well? What if success hadn’t come easy?”
“Easy? Is that really what you think?”
Moving around the bar, she helped him pull bottles from the cupboard. “It seemed like it. You went to film school, then you were directing your first movie which was a hit. Then you directed another and then another.”
When Zack reached into the cupboard, his shoulder grazed hers and a jolt of awareness hit him in the gut. He leaned away before she could see how that minor contact rocked him.
Clearing his throat, he said, “It did seem like that from the outside, didn’t it? That first film was a technical success, but not an industry success. For a year I worked in the stables outside of Anaheim to make money to keep a one-room apartment. I was still sending out résumés, reading scripts, thinking about what to do to make a career work. I directed a rock video that caught notice and put me in touch with the right people. One of them hired me as an assistant director. After that, I worked day and night, took any project I thought would get some notice until finally, I got my chance. A director backed out and I was in. That movie was an industry success. That movie won me my first Oscar.”
“I never knew you had to work so hard. Did Silas know?”
“Are you kidding? When I left, he told me he knew I’d come running back with my tail between my legs. There was no way in hell I wasn’t going to make my life out there work.”
And he’d been willing to make the two of them work, too. If only Jenny had come with him. If only she had tried, maybe then he wouldn’t still feel resentment and bitterness along with an attraction that wouldn’t fade. The sooner he was back in L.A. again, the better. But he’d made his father a promise, to stay here long enough so Jenny wouldn’t have the burden of running the Rocky D all on her own. He regretted that promise now. Looking into Jenny’s soft brown eyes, feeling his body respond to her, he knew his stay was going to be nothing but torture—on many fronts.
“What’s wrong?” she asked softly. “You look … angry.”
“You don’t want to know.”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Did you ever imagine what your life might have been like if you had come with me?”
She looked surprised, as if she’d never expected that question to pop up. “I … I never wanted that kind of life.”
“How did you know when you hadn’t tried it?” Then he lifted his hand in a dismissive gesture. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have asked. During those couple of tough years, you wouldn’t have stuck by me. I know what you went through with your dad. You would have thought it was just more of the same.”
She looked as if he’d slapped her. There was real hurt in her eyes. He’d never meant to cause that. Or had he? Did he want her to feel the same pain he’d felt when she said she couldn’t go with him? This was so ridiculous, revisiting history that couldn’t be rewritten.
He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. We made the decisions we did.”
In a quiet voice, she asked, “Where has your heart gone, Zack? You talk as if you have nothing but your work. Is that the way it is?”
“Work is everything, isn’t it, Jenny? Isn’t that why you stay here? What else do you have?”
She was quick to answer. “I have Silas. I also have friends and a sense of belonging in Miners Bluff. I have a life here, Zack. All of that is more important to me than just work.”
Zack’s cell phone buzzed and he was actually relieved for the interruption. Taking it from his belt, he checked the caller ID. “Speaking of friends, it’s Dawson. He’s returning my call. I’d better take this.”
Jenny studied him as if she hadn’t expected him to stay in touch with old friends.
He explained quickly, “Dawson, Clay and I kept in touch over the years. Dawson flies out for Lakers games now and then. Clay sends me photos and video clips of Abby. I can’t believe she’s growing as fast as she is.”
He opened his cell and would have passed Jenny without a glance, but she caught his arm, saying, “You stay. I’ll go.” The impression of her fingers burned through his sweater. The room felt hot and he knew it was definitely time to put distance between the two of them.
She hesitated as if she wanted to say so much more, but clearly thought better of it as she released his arm. “I’ll see how Silas is making out with that list.”
Zack wished she would take his memories and regrets with her.
“Hey, Dawson,” Zack said, watching Jenny leave the room. The scent of jasmine that always seemed to surround her still lingered in the air.
“Sorry for the phone tag,” Dawson apologized. “Construction’s picking up again and we’re swamped.”
“How’s Luke?”
There was a long hesitation on Dawson’s part, as if he didn’t talk about his son easily these days. It had been over a year and a half since Dawson’s wife died and Zack knew the boy was having problems getting over his mom’s death. Dawson had talked to him about it when Luke’s school grades had tanked, when he’d started getting in trouble, when Dawson was at his wit’s end because counselors hadn’t seemed able to help.
“That’s why I’m calling, Zack. Come January and the start of a new school term, I’m going to move us back to Miners Bluff.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No, I’m not. I’ve been considering it ever since I spoke to Mikala Conti at the reunion. You know she’s a music therapist.”
“I knew she was a counselor. I just didn’t realize what her specialty was.”
“Luke is into music. He spends more time with the piano and his iPod than with schoolwork or with me. When I mentioned that to Mikala, she said it could be a starting point. I’m willing to give anything a shot. Nothing here is helping.”
Zack knew Dawson’s life in Phoenix was high stress, long hours, with lots of monetary rewards. He had a huge house in Fountain Hills and more money than he’d ever need. But money wasn’t doing his son any good.
“Luke needs a supportive community around him,” Dawson continued. “And Mikala has a high success rate, according to the psychologist who has been treating Luke here. If Mikala could just get him started turning around so that he and I could at least communicate, that would mean everything.”
“What about the business?”
“I can handle it lots of ways. Dad’s a great manager when it comes to my crews. I can run everything long distance, at least temporarily. I have to try this, Zack, because I don’t know what else to do. It’s the first time in my life I’ve felt powerless. I hate it.”
Dawson was the CEO of his own construction company. He handled workers, payrolls, new design projects, architects. Zack had an idea of his frustration now.
“I’m back in Miners Bluff for the moment,” he revealed to his friend.
“You’re kidding! You’ve been away for years, now suddenly two visits in a few months? What happened?”
“Dad had a heart attack.”
“Zack, I’m sorry. How is he?”
“He just came home today. I’m going to be here for the next few weeks, so if there’s anything you need to know before you make the move, just give me a call.”
“Do you have work to keep you busy while you’re there?”
“Some. There’s a new project I’m thinking about doing. I can do a lot of the research from here.”
“Give your dad my regards.”
“I’ll do that. And you call me if you need anything.”
“I will. I’ll be driving up there some time after the first of the year to look at the school. If you’re still there—”
“No way will I still be here.”
Dawson chuckled. “Try not to go stir crazy. I’ll give you a call in a couple of weeks to see how your dad is.”
“Thanks, Dawson. I’ll talk to you soon.”
Zack closed his phone and clipped it onto his belt, wishing he could do something concrete to help his friend. He couldn’t imagine having a child and watching him suffer.
He hadn’t thought much about being a father … until now. He didn’t date women who had motherhood on their minds. Maybe he should think about dating a different type of woman. A woman like …
Jenny?
No, he told himself. They were over.
Chapter Three
Golden sunrise drifted over the pastures of the Rocky D, defying the colder weather that had moved in since the beginning of November. Jenny loved early mornings this time of year, when one season teetered on the brink of another. This early, Silas’s three permanent hands, Hank, Tate and Ben, were already at work. The horses weren’t yet restless to be let out, to be let free. She could forget about what problems the day might bring with Zack and Silas under the same roof and have some time for herself.
She led Songbird from her stall, rubbed her nose and asked conversationally, “Ready for a rough and tumble ride?”
“And just what is a rough and tumble ride?” a deep male voice asked from behind.
Jenny turned and saw Zack coming down the walkway.
“You’re up early,” she said lightly, ignoring her racing heart.
“I usually am. I thought I’d go for a ride instead of doing an early-morning workout. Mind if I join you?”
Had anyone told Zack she rode every morning? Had he come out here purposely to talk to her about something? He seemed to be waiting for an answer so she responded, “I don’t mind. Which horse would you like?”
“Tattoo.”
He’d already picked one out? “How do you know you’re compatible?”
He laughed. “Only you would ask something like that. I was down here last night. Tattoo and I struck up a conversation and we’re well along to becoming friends. So … any problem with me taking him out?”
“No.” She hesitated, then asked, “Why did you come down here last night?” When he gave her a studying look, she said, “Sorry, none of my business, I guess.”
“It was after dinner. You were discussing new recipes with Martha. Dad was on the phone with Clay’s father. I thought I’d take a look around. Everything’s been kept up well. I noticed the mares’ barn had a new roof.”
“Last year.”
“Are you still attracting clients from across the country who want cutting horses for competitions?”
“Yes.”
“And the boarders’ barn is full.”
“Always.”
Zack had to pass her to reach Tattoo’s stall. He was dressed in jeans, boots and a sheepskin jacket this morning.
“You couldn’t have brought that along,” she said gesturing to his coat.
“Nope. It was hanging in the closet in my old room. I’d forgotten about it. It was huge when Mom bought it for me. Now it fits.”
Jenny could almost see the memories in Zack’s eyes, some bittersweet, some warm and some painful. She wasn’t sure what to say.
“We can talk about her, Jen. All my memories of her have been limited to the photographs I took along and the videos I made. I have never had anyone to talk to about her. Do you know what I mean?”
“I do. I mean I talk to Dad about Mom when he’s around, which isn’t often, but I don’t really have anything of hers except the funny hat she used to wear to church. I took it from the bag Dad was giving to Goodwill after she died. I know things are just things, but they seem to mean a lot after someone’s gone. The pearl earrings your mom gave me for high school graduation are one of my prized possessions.”
“You wore them the night of the reunion.”
“You noticed?”
The quiet of the stables seemed to breed intimacy, and this morning was no different. This was the everyday barn, where favorite horses were lodged, where personal tack was kept, where the hayloft up above whispered about the kisses shared there when she and Zack were teenagers. And not only kisses. On that graduation night—
“I noticed,” he responded, and she didn’t know now if they were talking about earrings or so much more. This was dangerous territory for both of them. Especially for her. Since his return, her secret seemed to be on the tip of her tongue, ready to spill out. But there was no reason to tell him about her pregnancy and miscarriage … no reason to hurt him with something they couldn’t change. With him standing there, looking down at her, all brawny and handsome in the sheepskin jacket and jeans, she knew she needed some cool air to capture her equilibrium once again.
“Let’s saddle up,” she suggested a bit shakily.
Zack just gave her an imperceptible nod and moved away.
Ten minutes later they were on the trail. This time of year, the most impressive aspect of the landscape was the mountains in the distance—Moonshadow Mountain and beyond it, Feather Peak.
“Have you ridden to Horsethief Canyon lately?” Zack asked.
Horsethief Canyon led up to Feather Peak. She and Zack had spent time there as teenagers, exploring, hiking, making out.
“No, not lately. Celeste and Clay have. They spent a honeymoon weekend there.”
“You were at their wedding?”
“In their wedding. It was beautiful. They exchanged vows in Clay’s backyard even though his parents probably would have preferred something more elaborate.”
“Clay was always good at standing up to his dad.”
“I think he and Mr. Sullivan have come to a new understanding since he and Celeste married.”
They rode along the fence line until it gave way to rockier terrain. Both horses snorted as if begging to be let loose. Jenny felt the same way. Riding side by side with Zack, she felt edgy, awkward, unlike herself.
“So how about that rough and tumble ride?” he asked with a grin that could always make her breath hitch.
She tossed him a smile over her shoulder and then took off.
She heard Tattoo’s hooves behind her steadily, easily keeping up, not trying to overtake her. She thought this might become a race, but Zack wasn’t racing. When she cast a glance back at him, he looked intense as he usually did, but also as if he was having a good time.
The morning cold reddened her cheeks, numbed her nose, cooled her breath, but she loved every exhilarating moment of it. Zack galloped past her at one point and she strove to overtake him again, but she couldn’t. He didn’t just keep riding ahead, however. At a grove of pines he reined in his horse and waited for her. She knew this stand of trees quite well. She and Zack had sought their shade and cool comfort that final spring, when everything just seemed to be beginning. His face was ruddy, too, now from the cold, his hair windblown, his sheepskin collar turned up against the breeze.
“This is magnificent country,” he said, almost to himself.
“I can’t imagine anywhere as beautiful as this.” The sky was already topaz-blue, devoid of clouds, hovering protectively over the landscape.
“Do you want to dismount for a few minutes? The trees will provide a buffer against the wind.”
Something about being on the ground within the barrier of trees where they’d once spent time seemed dangerous to Jenny. Yet she wasn’t going to be a coward about this. She’d just be very careful.
Zack tethered his horse to a low-slung branch and waited as she did the same. Then in the golden morning light, he found the old path covered with pine needles and dried leaves from the aspen in the not-too-far distance. There was a hushed quality within the grove that Jenny had always liked, that gave her a sense of peace.
Zack followed the path until they were deep inside the grove where sunlight and shadows dappled the ground.
“Soon this could be covered in snow,” she reminded him. “If we’ve had a snowfall, sometimes after the kids finish their lessons, we come out here and play. They bring their saucers and tubes, and it’s great fun.”
“What kids?” he asked with a curious look.
“I give riding lessons. I do it on a sliding scale and take a few pro-bono students who can’t afford to pay. They learn how to ride and groom, and just forget anything that’s troubling them.”
“Like you did.”
“Horses have many lessons to teach, but I give these children goals and they have a sense of accomplishment when they learn how to master riding. I’m hoping those skills will stay with them well into the future.”
Zack was standing beside a tall fir. She went still when she recognized it.
“What is it?” Zack asked, following her gaze. Then he saw the bark of the tree. Their names were carved there, deeply enough to have lasted all these years.
“I can’t believe the weather hasn’t worn them away.”
“Or a lightning strike,” Zack said nonchalantly. But she knew he was remembering the day he carved them there. They’d had exams at school that week and had come riding out here one day to let off steam, to forget about studying, to be together. She’d been so innocent. He’d been so noble. They’d kissed and made out, and she’d known he wanted her. Yet more than once, he’d insisted it wouldn’t be fair if they became really intimate because he’d be leaving.
“You carved our names there, so there would be something lasting of our friendship.” They would have had so much more that was lasting if she hadn’t had the miscarriage. Yet what would they have done? Even if she had told Zack, would she have joined him in California and regretted it?
“Not much is lasting, is it?” he asked rhetorically.
“Friendships last. We both have proof of that.”
“Maybe our high school friendships are the ones that matter most. I don’t have friends in L.A. like Clay and Dawson. Even though we don’t see each other often, we can pick up wherever we left off.”
“Are you sure you don’t miss Miners Bluff?”
He didn’t answer right away, just studied their names, the tall firs, the land that he’d roamed when he was younger. “You can miss something but not need it or count on it or want it in your life anymore.”
She wondered if he was feeding himself a line, or if he really believed that. “I think you don’t want to admit you miss it. I think you don’t want to admit you miss your father.”
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Karen Smith
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: Dare to dream… these sparkling romances will make you laugh, cry and fall in love – again and again!“Will You Marry Me?”Those are the words Jenny had always longed to hear Zack say. But marrying him would have meant leaving the only home she’d ever known. So instead of following her high-school sweetheart to LA, she stayed on at his family’s ranch. Zack never knew about the secret she carried…Until a near-tragedy brought him home again… Seeing Jenny again makes Zack remember all the sweet passion they once shared. But he only came home to deal with a family crisis. So why is Jenny making him dream of settling down in the one place he’d vowed to leave forever?