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Lost and Found Father
Sheri WhiteFeather
A second chance at love?Reuniting with her daughter was a dream come true for Victoria Allen, but when Kaley wanted to meet her father – well, all bets were off. She would not, could not, allow the older and undoubtedly sexier Ryan get under her skin again. But how could she deny their child a chance to know him?When Ryan Nash found his first love – and their child! – on his doorstep, he was surprised that his feelings for Victoria were stronger than ever. Now he had the chance to right the wrongs of the past…


What happens when an adoptive daughter finds love for her estranged biological parents? Find out in this first Family Renewal title by Sheri WhiteFeather. . .
Reuniting with her daughter was a dream come true for Victoria Allen, but when Kaley wanted to meet her father—well, all bets were off. She would not, could not, allow the older and undoubtedly sexier Ryan to get under her skin. But how could she deny their child a chance to know the man who’d once captured her own heart?
When Ryan Nash opened the door to find his first love—and their child!—on his doorstep, he was surprised to find his feelings for Victoria were stronger than ever. He now had the chance of a lifetime to right the wrongs of the past. And maybe, in the process, build a family for the future….

“I always thought you were sweet.”
Victoria shrugged, trying to appear unaffected. “What can I say? I was a nice girl.”
“And you smelled really good.”
“That’s not the same kind of sweet.”
“I know, but you always smelled like dessert or something.”
Because she used to douse herself in vanilla-scented lotion. “I wore too much fragrance.”
“Not to me.”
Instantly, she was reminded of him burying his nose in her sugary skin. Oh, the memories that invoked: curling up in Ryan’s bed when his dad wasn’t home, slipping her greedy hands into his half-undone clothes, closing her eyes while he peeled hers off. Even now, her eyes were starting to drift closed, until she realized that Ryan was looking at her.
She told herself to get a grip. But it didn’t work. She couldn’t get her memories under control. “I think I should go now.”
He made a puzzled expression. “Go?”
“To my room. To get some work done.” She needed to escape. If she didn’t, those intimate feelings would only get stronger.
She walked away, praying for the strength to make it through the rest of the week without feeling more for him than she should.
Dear Reader,
Do you have a home away from home? I do. I live in California, but I’ve been visiting Oregon for the past thirty years. My sister, Elaine, resides in Oregon, and I go there as often as I can. She has even begun calling Lost and Found Father “The Oregon Book” because I used Oregon as the setting. The hero and heroine grew up in a small fictitious town, and the hero’s farmhouse is surrounded by woods. The diverse Oregon landscape has always fascinated me, and I wanted to create a town where towering trees reigned supreme. I even tossed in a bit of tree-inspired mythology.
Another captivating thing about Oregon is its waterfalls. Years ago, my sister and I hiked the Silver Falls State Park trails, a breathtaking location with ten majestic waterfalls. Naturally, I couldn’t resist making those waterfalls part of this romance, too.
The romance itself is a heart-scorching reunion between a man and a woman coming to terms with their teenage past and the baby they gave up for adoption. Their daughter is all grown up now and wanting to be part of their lives, just as they desperately want to be part of hers.
Writing this book took me on an emotional journey of love lost and love found, amid the backdrop of flowing waterfalls and magical trees. I hope it affects you in the same way.
Hugs,
Sheri WhiteFeather
Lost and Found Father
Sheri WhiteFeather


www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
SHERI WHITEFEATHER is a bestselling author who has won numerous awards, including readers’ and reviewers’ choice honors. She writes a variety of romance novels for Mills & Boon. She has become known for incorporating Native American elements into her stories. She has two grown children who are tribally enrolled members of the Muscogee Creek Nation.
Sheri is of Italian-American descent. Her great-grandparents immigrated to the United States from Italy through Ellis Island, originating from Castel di Sangro and Sicily. She lives in California and enjoys ethnic dining, shopping in vintage stores and going to art galleries and museums. Sheri loves to hear from her readers. Visit her website at www.SheriWhiteFeather.com.
To my sister, Elaine, for helping me with
The Oregon Book. I love you, my sweet sis.
Contents
Chapter One (#ua29b765b-da06-5e9d-9808-eb2f12982c8d)
Chapter Two (#u17209b51-a9a2-5363-94d2-7bdfbf53c435)
Chapter Three (#ufbe46462-029e-5ef9-bcb3-a5809aa35cce)
Chapter Four (#u9060d509-c8a4-5933-812e-f881546f2f70)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One
Ryan’s past had come back to haunt him. But it had always been there, chipping away at his soul.
He glanced at the clock. Victoria was on her way to see him. Yes, that Victoria. The girl with whom he’d fathered a child. They’d dated steadily during their sophomore and junior years in high school, and they’d been crazy about each other. But after she got pregnant, everything fell apart.
Two sixteen-years-olds scared beyond belief.
Although Victoria couldn’t bear to terminate the pregnancy, keeping the baby wasn’t an option, either. Her parents convinced her that adoption was the answer. Ryan’s dad was equally adamant. Under no circumstances should Ryan become a teenage father.
An open adoption was discussed, but both families thought that a closed adoption was more suitable and would make the situation easier for everyone.
Soon an ultrasound revealed that the baby was a girl. Victoria cried all of the time, and Ryan walked around in a daze. Although their relationship started to unravel, they agreed to hold their daughter, just once, to say goodbye to her together.
Only when the time came, Ryan panicked and never showed up at the hospital. A decision that tore him and Victoria apart for good. After that, she refused to speak to him. And rightly so. He’d spurned her when she’d needed him most.
He couldn’t fathom how many times over the years he’d thought about Victoria and the baby, or how badly he’d regretted his decision. It had even interfered with his marriage. But Ryan didn’t want to go there. He didn’t want to think about that.
So what did he want to think about?
The day Victoria had moved away? After the baby was born, her parents had relocated to Los Angeles to give Victoria a fresh start. And now she was back in Oregon for the sole purpose of knocking at his front door.
Cripes, he was nervous.
Last week she’d called and told him about Kaley, making him an expectant father all over again.
Apparently, six months ago, Victoria had contacted numerous adoption-reunion registries, hoping to find their daughter. Swiftly and miraculously, she had. Kaley, their eighteen-year-old daughter, had contacted some of the same registries, trying to locate her birth parents.
According to Victoria, she and Kaley had gotten quite close. They’d formed a strong and steady bond. And now Kaley wanted to meet him, too.
He was humbled and downright awed by his daughter’s interest in him. But it wasn’t happening today. Victoria wanted to see him first, to evaluate his sincerity, no doubt. He couldn’t blame her for being cautious, not after what he’d done.
A snorting sound caught his attention, and he shifted his gaze to the bulldog curled up in the corner. If he didn’t know better, he would’ve thought the dog was mocking him. Beside the bulldog was a border collie, fast asleep. Ryan had a scatter of farm animals, too, that had more or less come with the house.
He lived in an old farmhouse, surrounded by woods. On the same property was a carriage house that served as his veterinary clinic.
He checked the clock again. Victoria was late.
What if she changed her mind? What if she left him hanging? No, he thought. She wouldn’t do that. She would follow through for their daughter’s sake.
Still, she’d been reluctant to discuss Kaley at length over the phone. He hadn’t even seen a picture. He’d asked Victoria to email a photo, but she said that she would bring some with her.
He had all sorts of questions about Kaley. He wondered about Victoria, too. For all he knew she was married with other kids. Her husband might even be coming with her. He hadn’t queried her about her relationship status, and she hadn’t offered the information. He could have searched for her on Google to see what came up, but that would have made him feel like a stalker, so he’d let it be.
As for himself, he’d told her that he was divorced and lived alone, letting her know there wasn’t anyone, aside from him, for Kaley to meet. Even Ryan’s dad was gone. He’d died a few years back. During the course of their limited conversation, she’d said she was sorry for his loss, and he’d asked about her parents, to which she’d replied, “They’re fine.” No other details were discussed.
As he waited, his nervousness ratcheted up a notch. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He was afraid that he would screw up again somehow, say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing. He wanted so badly to make it up to Victoria. He hoped that she didn’t show up with a husband or significant other. Having another man there would infringe on the moment.
Infringe on what moment? What was he expecting out of this, for Victoria to hug him and say it was okay? That she understood that he was just a kid back then? That was a lame excuse, and he damned well knew it. She’d been young and scared, too.
Maybe he should have searched for her on Google. He would feel a whole lot better right now if he’d seen a recent picture of her on a social networking site or wherever. At least then she might not seem like as much of a stranger. He tried to envision how she was going to look today, but he drew a blank. All he could see was the sweet girl from his mixed-up youth. The girl whose peppermint kisses used to set his libido on fire, the girl—
Ding-dong.
The doorbell chimed, and he nearly leaped out of his skin. The dogs jumped up and barked, intensifying the frenzied feeling. He expelled the air in his lungs and hushed them.
He answered the door and came face-to-face with Victoria. She was by herself, and she looked the same yet different. Her eyes were just as green, her complexion was just as fair, and her hair was the same fiery copper shade of red, only she wore it sleek and straight instead of in a riot of curls. The waiflike girl had become a sophisticated woman. Attired in a slim-fitting dress and high-heeled sandals, she boasted L.A. chic.
His pulse pounded something fierce. He couldn’t stop staring, which was a totally improper thing to do. But she was staring at him, too. He’d matured as dramatically as she had. He was no longer a lanky boy. He stood before her as a rough-edged man with frown lines at the corners of his eyes.
Breaking the silence, he said, “Come on in.”
“Thank you.” Her voice was as polished as her appearance.
As she crossed the threshold, the dogs waggled at her feet. They were trained not to jump on guests, but he could tell that they wanted to paw her.
Victoria smiled, but not at Ryan. She was acknowledging the canines. Nonetheless, her smile struck familiarity, leaving him with a pang in the pit of his stomach.
When she lifted her head, their gazes met and held once again. She glanced away first, and Ryan battled a string of emotion. Unable to curb his curiosity, he stole a peek at her left hand, which bore no trace of a ring. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t in a committed relationship. He would do well to remember that.
“Have a seat.” He gestured to the living room, which was furnished with rustic pieces and minimal clutter.
Victoria sat in a leather chair. Had she avoided the sofa so he couldn’t sit next to her? He suspected that beneath the L.A. chic she was as nervous as he was. This couldn’t be any easier for her than it was for him, being in the same room with the guy who’d left her alone at the hospital.
Before he forgot his manners, he asked, “Would you like something to drink? I’ve got water, of course, and orange juice in the fridge. Or I can make a pot of coffee.”
“No, thanks, I’m fine.”
He moved forward and sat on the edge of the sofa, uncomfortable in his own home. He was still attracted to her, and he had no right to be. “Did you bring the pictures of Kaley?”
Victoria nodded and opened her purse. She extended an envelope toward him.
He took it from her, and soon he was studying a young woman with familiar features. Kaley had inherited Victoria’s refined nose and full mouth, but her dark hair, deep-set eyes and tanned complexion favored his.
Overwhelmed by her image, his heart did a daddy-in-waiting flip. “She’s beautiful.”
Pride colored Victoria’s voice. “And smart, too. She’s starting college in the fall, and she’s going to major in business, with a minor in women’s studies.”
He glanced at the pictures again. He didn’t know what women’s studies entailed, other than a connection to feminism, but he was eager to know more about Kaley’s interest in it and what sort of career she envisioned. “Where at?”
“UCLA. She was raised in L.A. All of these years she was close by, and I didn’t even know it.”
Ryan’s whereabouts put him hundreds of miles away from the reunion loop. “When am I going to get to meet her?”
Victoria shifted in her chair. “Are you sure you’re ready? That you won’t back out at the last minute?”
He deserved that. If he were in her shoes, he would have said the same thing. But it still stung. “I’ve grown up since we last saw each other.”
“I’m aware of how old you are.”
“I wasn’t talking about my chronological age, Tore.”
“Yes, but time doesn’t necessarily change people.” Her voice cracked a little. “And please don’t call me Tore.”
The vulnerability in her tone shamed him. He hadn’t meant to use his old nickname for her. He hadn’t meant for it to slip so easily from his tongue.
“I’m sorry,” he said, knowing those words did little or nothing to absolve him. “I don’t want to make this any harder than it already is. But I have changed, and I want to get to know my daughter.” He would come through this time.
A beat of painful silence passed before she responded, “I’m glad that you want to get to know her, but there’s a lot to consider. Kaley is searching for missing links in her identity. This is as much about her as it is about you.”
He braved the question he hated to address. “Does she know about me not showing up at the hospital?”
“No. She’s inquisitive about the past, but that isn’t something I was able to summon the strength to tell her.”
Because old wounds ran deep, he thought, wishing he could comfort Victoria somehow.
She quietly added, “She asked me about the day she was born. If I saw her before the adoption agency took her away. I told her that I did and that I held her, too.”
“She didn’t ask about me?”
Victoria shook her head. “I think she automatically assumed you were part of it since you were my boyfriend at the time and not just some random guy who made me pregnant.”
That made him feel worse. “Do you think I should tell her the truth?”
Her tone remained quiet. “That’s up to you.”
“I think I should.” He just hoped that he could explain his actions in way that made sense. Even after all of these years, he couldn’t quite define his panic, aside from him being a teenage boy who’d been afraid to face the final countdown.
Would that reason be enough for Kaley?
Anxious to know more about her and how she was raised, he asked, “What are her adoptive parents like?”
“Her mother passed away about seven years ago. From what I understand, she was an amazing woman. Kaley’s identity quest has a lot to do with her.”
His heart went out to his daughter. His mother died when he was a kid, too. “And the dad?”
“Eric is a wonderful father. They’re extremely close. He supports her in every way. I’ve become close to him, too.”
He felt a stab of envy, but he said, “That’s good.”
Victoria continued by saying, “He’s half-Native, like you are. Kaley doesn’t look adopted. She looks as if she could be his. She even speaks a little Cherokee. That’s the tribe he’s from.”
He was still holding pictures of the child he’d helped create. The child another man had nurtured. Apparently Eric was ingrained in his roots. Ryan didn’t know much his about Native side. In his case, it was Paiute. But he’d been raised by his Anglo father. “I expected Kaley to have at least one Native parent.” There was a federal act that stipulated that Native babies were supposed to be adopted within their culture. “It’s nice that she speaks some Cherokee.”
“She speaks Spanish, too. She took it all through high school. She’s good with languages.”
“I’d really like to meet her, and I swear I’ll do my best not to disappoint her.”
Victoria studied him from across the coffee table, and he absorbed her scrutiny, all the way to his anxious soul.
After an audible breath, she conceded. “She’ll be out of school soon on summer break next week. We can figure something out then.”
“That would be great. I’d love for her to visit. Maybe she could stay for a week or so. You could come with her, if that would make her more comfortable. In fact, you could both stay here.”
Her eyes went wide. “Here? In your house?”
“Why not? I’ve got plenty of room. Besides, the nearest motel is clear out on the highway, as you well know. My house is more convenient.” He chanced an intimate remark, needing to know, needing to mention it. “If you have a significant other, you can invite him, too.”
She lifted her chin in what struck him as false bravado. He waited to see what her answer would be, a look of shattered innocence pulsing between them.
Then she said, “I’m not involved with anyone. I prefer being single.”
He told himself that her status didn’t matter. Nor did her uneasy claim. In spite of his attraction to her, he wasn’t trying to rekindle anything except the parenthood they’d lost. But he was still glad that she was single. “What about your job?”
“What about it?” she parroted.
“Would you be able to get the time off?”
“I’m a web designer.” She clasped her hands on her lap, a bit too properly. “I have my own company.”
He pressed the issue. He couldn’t help it. Now that he’d opened the let’s-be-parents-together door, he wasn’t about to close it. “Then you should bring Kaley and the two of you should stay here. If she’s willing, of course. If not, I’ll go to California to meet her.”
“Personally I don’t think staying here is a good idea, but I’ll talk to her about it. She’s an adult, and she can make her own decisions.”
“Okay. Thanks.” What else could he say? What else could he do but wait for the outcome? He’d already given it his best.
“I should go. I’m flying back tonight.” She stood up and collected her purse.
He didn’t want her to leave. He wanted to make everything right, to fix what he’d broken, to see forgiveness in her eyes. But he couldn’t stop her from leaving any more than she could have stopped him from running away all those years ago.
He walked her onto the porch and down the stairs, where they stood in the sun. The air was perfumed with flowering foliage, and it reminded him of the wild ginger they used to pick. Everything had seemed wild then, including the inexperienced love they’d made.
He turned to look at her and caught her watching him. She’d gone vulnerable again. She was twisting the ends of her hair, an anxious habit he recognized from their youth.
She said, “I’ll get back to you after I talk to Kaley.”
“I’ll be waiting for your call.” He tucked his hands into his jean pockets. Was that his anxious teenage habit? “Have a safe trip home.”
“Thank you.” She quit twisting her hair, but she was still discomposed.
Clearly, the memories between them had become palpable. He didn’t doubt that Victoria felt it, too.
They said goodbye, and he watched her walk to her rental car. She didn’t glance back at him, and he didn’t remove his hands from his pockets or return to his big, empty house until she was gone.
* * *
Victoria was home. Her plane had touched down last night, and this morning she was a bundle of nerves.
She glanced around her apartment. Decorated with carefully selected furniture and contemporary artwork, it depicted her California lifestyle, right down to the luxurious poolside view.
Ryan’s house depicted his lifestyle, too. The red-and-white farmhouse suited him, and so did the shingle out front.
Carriage House Veterinary Care. Ryan Nash, DVM.
He’d attained his country-boy dream. He’d always wanted to be a vet, and he’d set up practice in his hometown. Her former hometown. A place she’d never intended to see again.
Because of him.
He looked considerably different from the boy she’d known. He was bigger and broader, but his face was much more angular. Those killer cheekbones were totally lethal now, and so was the concentration in his stone-brown eyes.
She’d tried so hard to compose herself while she’d been there, but she hadn’t done as well as she’d hoped. Her heart had been thudding the entire time and her stupid voice had cracked.
Was Ryan genuinely sorry for the past? Was he mature enough to handle a relationship with Kaley? He seemed to be. But that didn’t ease the old ache. She’d loved Ryan. He’d been her everything, and on the day he’d left her alone with the baby they’d created, he’d reduced her to nothing. It taken her years to get over him, and she’d been careful to avoid any news of him, staying as far away as possible. But now, God help her, she was being drawn back in.
She walked onto the balcony, coffee in hand, and blew out a breath. She’d called Kaley earlier and told the anxious teenager that she was back from her trip, but she hadn’t mentioned Ryan’s invitation for both of them to go to Oregon. She would be meeting Kaley for lunch, where she going to delve into the specifics.
If only Victoria could relax; if only he hadn’t rattled her once-broken heart. The really pathetic thing was that she was wondering about his ex, who she was, if the divorce had been her idea, if he missed being married.
When Victoria first discovered that she was pregnant, she’d dreamed of Ryan proposing to her. Young and naive, she’d actually believed that they could make a marriage work, even if it meant waiting until they were eighteen. She’d mapped it out in her mind, how they could live with their parents and raise the baby between both households. Then, once they were married, Ryan could get a loan for college and secure their future.
But he didn’t propose, and she didn’t tell him about her marriage dreams. She’d never told him that she loved him, either. After they’d agreed to give up the baby, her only consolation was that he’d promised to be there when their daughter was born.
And the rest, as the saying went, was history.
Before her thoughts drove her into a deeper sense of painful distraction, she finished her coffee and went into the bathroom to take a long, invigorating shower.
By the time she emerged, her skin was flushed and her hair was damp and starting to misbehave. She put on a robe and plugged in the blow-dryer and flatiron, preparing to use both devices. Once she tamed her curls, she applied makeup and got dressed.
Ready to greet the afternoon and see her daughter, she drove to the sushi bar they favored.
Victoria arrived first and sat in the cramped waiting area. About five minutes later, Kaley walked in wearing denim shorts, a pastel-printed T and rhinestone flip-flops. Her hair streamed down her back, and with her golden tan and welcoming smile, she was a lovely sight to behold.
As they embraced, the teenager said, “Hey, Victoria.”
She didn’t expect Kaley to call her Mom, but on occasion Kaley referred to her as mi otra madre, which meant “my other mother” in Spanish. It was a reference that made Victoria feel like the most privileged woman on earth.
A hostess seated them, and they sat across from each other at a small table near the window. Water was delivered, and they studied their menus, energy buzzing between them.
“How did it go?” Kaley eagerly asked.
Such a loaded question, Victoria thought, but she did her best to respond in a positive way. “Ryan is anxious to meet you.”
“I’m excited about meeting him, too.” The child she’d conceived with him leaned closer. “What’s he like?”
“He looks different” was all she could seem to manage. Strong and handsome in a way she hadn’t imagined. When she saw that Kaley was waiting for a more in-depth response, she quickly added, “He seems successful.” But she’d always believed that he would make a good vet. “He has a nice country home and a couple of cute dogs. But most importantly, he’s receptive to having you in his life.”
“So what happens now? Is he going to call me? Am I supposed to call him?”
Okay, Victoria thought. Here goes. “I offered to call him after you and I talked. He wants you to stay at his house for a week or so. He also invited me to come with you.” She paused to collect herself. “But he’ll come here if you’d prefer not to go there.”
“Oh, wow. Really?” Kaley reached for her water, and the ice clinked in her half-tipped glass. “I’d probably get to know him better if I went there. Don’t you think?”
She wanted to discourage her daughter from making the trip, but sitting here gazing at the girl’s wistful expression, she couldn’t do it. “It’s your choice. He’s your...” She couldn’t bring herself to say “father” or “birth father” or anything that identified him as family, so she let the sentence drift.
“Are you willing to go with me? Or is that totally out of the question?”
Victoria’s heartbeat accelerated. “Is that what you want?”
“Are you kidding? I’d be really nervous without you. Besides, I know Dad would feel better if you were there.”
The dad she spoke of was Eric, the man who’d shaped her into the amazing young woman she’d become. Victoria would be forever grateful to him. “You’re right. He would worry otherwise. And so would I.” Expecting Kaley to visit with Ryan for the first time by herself wasn’t in the girl’s best interest. “I’ll go with you.”
The teenager fanned herself. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
Neither could Victoria. She felt as if she were having an out-of-body experience. If someone would’ve told her that someday she would be sleeping under Ryan’s roof with their grown child in tow, she would have deemed that person crazy. Plus Kaley didn’t know that Victoria had loved Ryan. No one did.
She looked across the table at her daughter. Every excruciating detail of the day Kaley was born was still imbedded in her mind. While she’d held the swaddled infant, she’d waited desperately for Ryan to show up. She’d also glanced endlessly at her parents, begging them to ask the representative from the adoption agency for more time. But eventually the extra time ran out. The most painful moment was right before they’d taken Kaley away. She’d clutched the baby close to her chest, wishing she could nurse her, wishing she could take her home, with or without Ryan. It was the worst day of her life.
But now she had her daughter back. Kaley meant the world to her, and if making peace with Ryan was part of the deal, then that was what she would do.
Even if being in his company still made her hurt.
Chapter Two
This was it. Victoria and Kaley would be arriving at Ryan’s house any minute, he hoped. He’d offered to pick them up at the airport and lend them his truck whenever they needed a vehicle, but Victoria insisted on renting a car.
They would be staying for the equivalent of a week, starting today, which was a bright and sunny Thursday.
He waited on the porch steps. At this point, he didn’t care if he appeared anxious, sitting outside the way he was. He needed the fresh air. Besides, he was anxious, and no doubt Kaley was, too. He imagined Victoria was as well, but not for the same eager-to-bond reason. She was probably dreading every upcoming second that she’d agreed to spend in Oregon.
His dogs sat beside him, glancing around. From his body language, they obviously sensed that something was up.
A midsize sedan pulled up to the curb, and Ryan jumped to his feet. The dogs followed his lead.
“Behave, you guys,” he said.
They looked at him with expectation, as if to ask who was coming to see them.
“My daughter,” he automatically replied, heading out to the vehicle. “So make a good impression.” He said the latter part as much to himself as to the dogs. He desperately wanted Kaley to like him. Victoria, too, but he didn’t know if that was possible.
Kaley got out of the car first, and he lost every ounce of breath in his lungs. He recognized her from her pictures, only she was taller than he’d expected, and in the sun, her long dark hair glinted with hints of auburn. She was more beautiful than anyone he’d ever seen. Because she was his, he thought, wishing for the millionth time that he’d been there when she was born.
They both stood a little awkwardly, gazing at each other. He noticed right away her colorful clothes and bangle bracelets.
Finally, they said hello and reached forward for a hug. He was cautious not to hold her too tightly for fear that he would smother her with his daddy desperation.
“It’s so good have you here,” he said.
“It’s good to be here.”
They separated, and he noticed that Victoria had gotten out of the car and was lingering off to the side. He suspected that she was staying in the background deliberately, giving him and Kaley a chance to get acquainted.
The teenager glanced down at the dogs. “Look how adorable you two are.” She asked Ryan, “What are their names?”
He smiled, grateful that animals were an icebreaker. “Perky and Pesky.”
She laughed. “Let me guess. Perky is the black-and-white one with the bright expression, and Pesky is the chubby guy wiggling for attention.” Upon hearing his name, Pesky grinned, flashing his crooked teeth. Kaley laughed again.
Ryan couldn’t take his eyes off his daughter. There she was, so grown up, standing right before him and wanting to be part of his life. He longed to hug her again. But he didn’t. He knew it would be weird to keep grabbing her.
Victoria came forward, and she and Ryan exchanged a quiet greeting, a simple “Hi” in the presence of the child they’d created. Talk about surreal.
Trying to act casual, he said to Victoria, “If you pop the trunk, I’ll get the bags.”
“We can help, too,” Kaley said. “We brought a lot of stuff. We even bought some new outfits for the trip. But it was just an excuse for us to shop.”
“Mall fever,” Victoria put in, making Kaley grin.
Ryan didn’t mind that they’d over-packed. The more stuff they brought, the more of a vacation it seemed.
Everyone pitched in with the bags. The women had an easy rapport with each other. He was definitely the odd man out, but he’d expected as much.
While they headed for the porch, Pesky stayed close to Kaley. Ryan asked her, “Do you have pets?”
“We have two cats. Dad calls them the bougainvillea babies because when they were kittens, they used to hide in the flowers on our patio. Sometimes Dad calls me a bougainvillea baby, too. He has all sorts of nicknames for me. He says I’m a daddy’s girl, like the cats. They’re girls, too.”
Although Ryan smiled, he struggled with a twinge of envy. He knew that he shouldn’t react that way every time her adoptive father was mentioned. If anything, he should be thanking the other man for making her a daddy’s girl.
He opened the door, and they went inside.
Kaley glanced around. “Victoria told me how nice she thought this place was.” His daughter stepped farther into the living room, where a stone fireplace and woven rugs presided. “I really like it, too.”
“Thanks. I bought it about three years ago.” He knew his house could use a woman’s touch, but he wasn’t about to say that. “It was built in the 1800s, but it’s obviously been renovated since then.” He chanced a daddy’s girl remark. “You can be a buttercup baby here. I put some in your room. I picked them in the woods.”
“Buttercup baby. Oh, that’s cute.”
Ryan appreciated her enthusiasm. It was just what he needed. In the silence, he glanced at Victoria, wondering what she was thinking. She was standing on the other side of him.
He said to her, “I put some flowers in your room, too.”
She adjusted the strap of her purse, which kept slipping off her shoulder. “You didn’t need to pick anything for me.”
“I wanted to.”
Before things got quiet again, Kaley said, “Can we see your backyard before we see our rooms?”
“Sure.” They left the luggage where it was and headed to the kitchen, which led to the mudroom and back door.
“It’s so green and pretty.” His daughter was impressed. “And check out the chickens.” She laughed and mimicked one of the hens clucking along in the coop. She glanced across the yard at the barn. “Do you have horses?”
“Just one. An old grandpa who needed a home.”
“Was he a rescue?”
“In a way, I guess. He belonged to the people who sold me this place, but they couldn’t take him where they were going, so I agreed to keep him. He’s a draft horse, loyal as can be. I inherited a miniature cow, too. The chickens were also part of the deal.”
“I never even knew there were miniature cows. Do you milk it?”
“Yes. I can teach you sometime this week, if you’d like.”
“Imagine that—me milking a little cow. That sounds fun.”
He smiled, and they returned to the house and finished the indoor tour, where he took the women upstairs to their rooms.
Victoria’s was first, a brightly lit space furnished with an oak-framed bed and matching dresser, where the flowers sat. He’d chosen spring beauties for her. The last of the summer blooms. He’d been tempted to add some wild ginger to the bouquet, but he’d refrained, concerned that it would be too blatant a reminder of their youth.
“This is lovely,” she said and placed her bags in the corner. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” A beat of emotion passed between them, something they were obviously going to have to get used to.
When they entered Kaley’s room, she beamed over her flowers. She opened her toiletries suitcase and searched around for a bobby pin so she could clip one of the buttercups in her hair.
Once the yellow bloom was in place, she sat on the edge of the bed and asked Ryan, “Do you have any photos around, of your parents or grandparents or anyone? I’m interested in seeing them. Plus I’m starting a family tree, and when I did research about it online, they said to go through old pictures and documents. Victoria has been helping me with her side, and I was hoping you would help me with yours.”
He hadn’t considered Kaley taking the interest in her roots quite that far, but Victoria warned him that their daughter was on an identity quest, so he should have been better prepared. “There’s a box in the attic with that kind of stuff in it. I can get it down tomorrow.”
“That would be great. I also have some pictures to show you. I brought a photo album with me in it that my mom made when I was little. You can look through it tomorrow, too, if you want.”
“Okay.” Still a bit overwhelmed, he marveled at Kaley’s easy manner. “Are you hungry? How does pizza sound for dinner tonight? We can order in.”
She grinned. “I love pizza.”
“So do I,” he replied, then addressed Victoria. “You always did, too. Unless your tastes have changed.”
Her purse strap fell down again. “I still like it.”
“Then that’s what we’ll get.”
Once they decided on the toppings, Kaley stayed in her room to call her father, and Ryan and Victoria went downstairs to wait for the delivery.
She occupied the leather chair in the living room, leaving him the sofa. She was making a habit of sitting apart from him.
“I’m not much of a cook,” he said, struggling for conversation. The beat of emotion that passed between them earlier was getting stronger. “Mostly I fix easy things. Or eat out.”
She glanced in the direction of the kitchen, as if she was trying to make their exchange seem more normal. “I don’t mind cooking while I’m here. It will give me something to do. But I brought work with me, too.”
He forced an easy tone. “I’m taking the week off. My staff is, too. I gave them paid vacations, rather than keep the clinic open while you’re visiting. I want to spend as much time with Kaley as I can.” Curious about his daughter’s culinary skills, he asked, “Does she like to cook?”
“Mostly Kaley and Eric eat out or prepare simple meals, like you do. But I’m going to teach her to bake. She remembers the goodies her mom used to make, and she wants to try her hand at it.”
Ryan had been in kindergarten when his mother passed away. His memories of her were practically nonexistent. “Maybe the two of you can do some baking while you’re here.”
“Maybe we can.”
Being a new parent was different for Ryan than it was for Victoria because Kaley still had a father. Already he was nervous about the plans they’d made for tomorrow. “My contribution to the family tree will probably suck. My dad never talked about our relatives. I probably won’t even know who’s who.”
“Don’t worry about it.” She eased his concern. “My side hasn’t been all that riveting, either.”
“At least your parents are still around.”
“Yes, and with the same detached attitude.”
Ryan nodded in understanding. Neither of them had come from nurturing homes.
She said, “My parents weren’t receptive to the idea of me searching for Kaley. They were worried that it might turn out badly. And now that I found her, they’re still not overly supportive. Nor have they made a genuine effort to get to know her or help with the family tree. I think they’re still under the belief that adoptions should remain closed.”
“I remember how adamant they were about that.”
She nodded. “So was your dad.”
True, but it wasn’t his dad who’d stopped him from going to the hospital. Ryan had made that mistake himself.
“Kaley’s mom was adopted.”
He blinked, cleared his mind. “Really?”
“Kaley can tell you more about her. Mostly she’s the reason that Kaley wanted to find us. I think the family tree was influenced by her, too. Her name was Corrine. There are pictures of her in Kaley’s photo album. And some of Eric, too.” She paused, as if to collect her thoughts. “Corrine was the love of Eric’s life. Sometimes his voice still quavers when he talks about her.”
A sense of sadness crept over him. “Are there newborn pictures of Kaley in the album?”
“Yes. The hospital took some and gave them to her parents.” Silent, she glanced away.
Ryan suspected that she’d slipped back to being the girl he’d crushed, reliving the moment.
“I’m sorry I hurt you,” he said. “If I could change it, I would.”
She didn’t meet his gaze. “It turned out all right. Kaley is here with us now.”
“Yes, but it’s still haunting us. You can barely stand to look at me, and I barely know what to say to you.”
Defying his comment, she shifted her gaze, staring straight at him. “I’ve looked at you plenty.”
“And you’re still seeing me for who I was, not for who I am.”
“Please, Ryan. I don’t want to dwell on the past. What’s done is done, and I accept your apology.”
A painful acceptance. Her voice was shaking, making him think of Eric and his dead wife. Had Ryan killed a part of Victoria on the day their daughter was born? Did her hurt go deeper than it should, deeper than a place even Kaley could reach?
With his burden worsening he said, “I think I need to tell Kaley the truth before she shows me the album.” If he didn’t, he would feel like a fraud, looking at pictures of the infant he should have cradled in his arms. “In fact, I should probably tell her tonight.”
“Do you want me leave the room when you explain it to her?”
“God, no. I want you to hear the truth, too.” He needed for her to hear it.
“I already know what happened.”
“But we never discussed it.” Since she’d refused to speak to him after Kaley was born, and he’d been too ashamed to try to make amends, he’d kept his distance. After she moved away, he’d sunk deeper into himself, barely talking to anyone at school. By the time college rolled around, he’d been eager to get out of town and never come back. But after he’d earned his DVM, he’d changed his mind and resumed his life here.
The doorbell rang, signaling the pizza delivery. Grateful for the mental reprieve, Ryan jumped up to answer it.
He paid for the food and put it on the coffee table, along with some paper plates, sodas and napkins. Victoria didn’t say anything about his decision to eat in the living room. But that was where he took most of his meals.
Kaley came downstairs, having heard the doorbell, too. Her new best friend, Pesky the bulldog, was following her.
“Pizza looks good,” she said.
“Help yourself.” He noticed that she still had the buttercup in her hair, making his heart do the daddy thing and skitter around in his chest.
Kaley sat beside him, then took two slices. Victoria chose one, which she picked at, removing the toppings and sampling them first. But she’d always eaten the crust last. She did that with sandwiches, too. As Ryan watched her, he wondered if his memories of her would be as vivid if she was merely his high-school sweetheart and not the mother of his child. Was she cemented in his mind because of Kaley? Or would Victoria have made a lasting impression either way?
He finally turned to Kaley and said, “There’s something I need to tell you.”
She tilted her head. “About what?”
“The day you were born. I wasn’t at the hospital.”
She kept the pizza plate on her lap. “How come?”
“Because I couldn’t handle it.”
“That’s okay.” She took a casual approach. “A lot of people who give up their babies for adoption think it’s easier not to see them.”
“There’s more to it than that. I promised Victoria that I would be there. I gave her my word, and I had every intention of keeping it. But when the day came, I panicked.”
Kaley went silent. Victoria was quiet, too. Both listening to what he had to say.
“It was around five in the morning, and the phone rang, dragging me out of a restless sleep.” He’d been restless the entire nine months, aware of every moment of every pregnant day. “My dad answered it, and after he hung up, he came into my room and said that Victoria was in labor.”
Kaley brought Victoria directly into conversation. “Was it you who called?”
“No, it was my mother.” She didn’t elaborate, allowing Ryan to continue.
The scene unfolded in his mind, colorful yet choppy, like patchwork pieces of a torn quilt. “Dad didn’t say anything else to me. He left the house to go to work. It was a school day, but he wasn’t expecting me to go to school. He assumed that I would take my truck and head over to the hospital, which was what I planned to do. I had an old Ford that he’d overhauled for me. Dad was a mechanic.” He mentioned those details because they were part of the memory. “I got ready and went out to my truck with these two little teddy bears that I’d been keeping in my drawer. One was for you and the other one was for Victoria.” He shifted his gaze to the mother of his child. “I bought them about a month before. I figured the new parents could give Kaley hers, and I was thinking that you’d keep yours and always know that you had the same toy as our daughter.”
She swallowed, as if a lump had just formed in her throat. “What happened to the bears?”
“I kept them for about a year, torturing myself with them, I guess. Then when I went off to college, I donated them to the Goodwill. I didn’t know what else to do with them.”
“I wish you still had them,” Kaley said.
“So do I. Then I could give them to both of you now.” Because his mouth had gone dry, he reached for his soda and took a sip. “Not that it would change any of this, though.”
“Tell us the rest of your story,” Kaley said. “You went out to the truck with the bears. Then what did you do?”
“I got behind the wheel. Then suddenly my heart started racing and I couldn’t breathe. I was having a panic attack. At the time, I didn’t know that’s what it was called, but I knew it was because of the baby. I returned to the house and sat on the sofa, trying to catch my breath and rebuild my courage to go to the hospital. But I never did.”
“You stayed in your living room the whole time I was in labor?” Victoria asked.
He nodded. “After a while the phone rang, and I figured it was your mom, calling to see where I was. It rang on and off, all day. When the calls started coming closer together, I assumed that you’d had the baby.” He divided his gaze between both of the women in his presence. “The two of you deserved better.”
“It didn’t affect me,” Kaley said. “I don’t remember any of it. But I feel badly for Victoria.” She spoke to her birth mom. “That must have been really sad for you.”
“It was. But it’s done and over now.”
“I can tell it still hurts.” Kaley glanced over at Ryan. “You look like you’re hurting, too.”
“I just wish I could go back and redo it the right way.”
Kaley made a goofy face. “I can act like a baby if it will make you feel better.”
When she stuck her thumb in her mouth, Ryan couldn’t help but smile. “Keep that up and I’ll to have to buy you another teddy bear.”
She removed her thumb with a deliberate pop. “Actually that would be cool. Where’d you buy the first ones?”
“At a discount store on the edge of town.”
“Is it still there?”
“Yes.”
“Can we go there this week?”
“Sure. We can pick out a new bear together.”
“Are you going to get Victoria a new one, too?”
His pulse went jumpy. “If she wants me to.” He asked her, “Do you?”
She shrugged, albeit it gently. “It doesn’t matter.”
“I think you should be included. Then you and Kaley can have the matching toys you were supposed have. We can all go to the store together.”
Their daughter chimed in. “You know what else we should all do together? Go to the maternity ward of the hospital. So I can see the place where I was born and so you guys can make new memories.”
Ryan loved the idea, especially since Kaley suggested it. But Victoria had to agree, too. He noticed she’d gone quiet again.
“What do you think?” he asked her. “If Kaley and I go there, will you come with us?”
The teenager added, “We can look at the babies behind the glass. It’ll be nice to focus on people being born in a hospital instead of dying there.”
Ryan realized that there was more to Kaley’s suggestion than just him and Victoria. Clearly, Kaley’s mom had died in a hospital. He thought about the loss his daughter had suffered and how she was still working on ways to cope with her grief. Among the three of them, emotions ran high.
He studied Victoria, waiting for a response to his question. Kaley was also looking at her.
Waiting, as well.
Chapter Three
Victoria would rather walk headfirst into a hornet’s nest than visit the maternity ward with Ryan by her side. But if it would soothe Kaley’s feelings about life and death, then she wasn’t about to refuse.
She said, “Of course I’ll go with both of you.”
“Can we bring our new bears with us when we get them?” Kaley asked.
Victoria nodded, even though the stuffed animals were part of the problem. Knowing that Ryan had planned to bring her and Kaley such sweet little gifts made her miss the boy she’d once loved. And she didn’t want to miss him. She’d banished him from her heart for a reason.
“Do either of you care if I tell my dad about this?” Kaley asked. “I want him to know what happened between you guys when I was born and how we’re going to try to make it better.”
“Tell him whatever you think is necessary.” Victoria wasn’t going to stand in the way, not if it gave Kaley comfort to talk to her father.
Ryan took the same approach and agreed, as well. But Victoria expected as much. Refusing would have been an injustice to their daughter.
Kaley relaxed. “Oh, good. I don’t like keeping secrets from my dad. Besides, I think he’s going to agree that all of us going to the hospital will be the right thing to do.” The teen softly added, “My mom would have thought so, too.”
The discussion ended on a sentimental note.
Ryan suggested a movie on cable, and he and Kaley checked listings and chose a comedy to lift their spirits. But watching a funny movie didn’t ease Victoria’s mind.
Later that night, she struggled to sleep.
She glanced at the alarm clock and wished that morning would come, because each day that passed would bring her closer to getting through this week and going home.
Finally, daylight arrived and she climbed out of bed. She opened her blinds and gazed at the country view.
After a reflective moment, she headed for the bathroom that she shared with Kaley. Her daughter’s door was still closed. Ryan’s door was at the other end of the hall and she could see that it was shut, as well. Assuming she was the first one up, she got ready.
Upon her bathroom departure, she noticed the other doors remained closed.
Alone in the quiet, she crept downstairs and went into the kitchen. She’d told Ryan that she would be cooking while she was here, but she wasn’t going to prepare anything until he and Kaley were up. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to see what type of breakfast fixings were available.
The egg keeper was full, which didn’t surprise her, considering the chickens in Ryan’s yard. He had fresh milk and fresh cream, too, courtesy of his cow. As she poked around in the fridge, she noticed a package of honey-cured ham and a small block of cheddar cheese. Potatoes and bread were also handy.
Needing a caffeine boost, she made a pot of coffee and sat at the old-style Formica-topped table, which looked a lot like the one Ryan and his dad used to have in their kitchen. Was it the same table? Had Ryan taken possession of it after his dad died?
And what about Ryan’s wife? Had she lived here with him, or did he buy this place after they split? Victoria chastised herself for caring. His ex-wife shouldn’t matter. Yet the other woman, whoever she was, crowded her already-cluttered mind.
The door from the mudroom opened, and Victoria started.
Someone entered the kitchen, and she turned around, preparing to see Ryan. The steps were too heavy to be Kaley’s. Besides, what would Kaley be doing outside at this time of day? Ryan had probably been up for hours, tending to his animals, when Victoria thought he was still asleep.
Sure enough, it was him, dressed in a plain white tee, blue jeans and work boots, with his medium-length hair mussed from the morning breeze.
“The coffee smells good,” he said. “I was just coming in to make a pot.”
She shifted in her seat, feeling far too self-conscious, while he stood there, looking far too gorgeous. “I beat you to it.”
“That you did.” He walked over to pour a cup.
She watched while he added an abundance of cream, but only one spoonful of sugar. She’d doctored hers with lots of both.
He leaned against the counter. “So Kaley isn’t a morning person?”
“Sometimes she is. She was probably wiped out from yesterday.”
“The traveling and everything?”
She nodded. “I’m wiped out, too.”
“You don’t look beat. You look pretty.”
Her heart fluttered from his praise. Bad, stupid heart. “I wasn’t fishing for a compliment.”
“I didn’t think you were. I’m just saying that the years have been good to you.” He made a flat motion with his hand, mimicking the straightness of her hair. “I like the way you style your hair now. I used to like the curls, too. The way it blew every which way.”
She made a face. “And frizzed up in the rain. A constant issue with the weather here.”
“You were always tying scarves around your head or pulling your hoodie up real tight. My favorite times were when you’d get caught in the rain without a cover-up.”
“That didn’t happen very often.”
“It was still fun.”
He smiled, and she battled the bewitchment that was Ryan.
A few minutes later, Kaley walked into the kitchen. The product of their union, Victoria thought. She’d more or less stumbled out of bed. She was still wearing her pajamas, and on her feet were novelty slippers that looked like fuzzy creatures with eyeballs. She called them her purple people eaters after an old song she thought was funny.
“Morning,” Victoria quickly said. “Now that you’re here, I’ll start breakfast. Ham and cheese omelets with hash browns on the side.”
“Yum. Okay. Thanks.” Kaley plopped down at the table and said, “Hey,” to Ryan.
“Hey, yourself.” He smiled at her outfit.
Victoria began by peeling potatoes. She loved cooking for her daughter, relishing the mommy feeling it gave her. She would have to be careful that whipping up meals for Ryan didn’t create a wifely feeling. Old dreams. Old bewitchments. This was not a family in the making.
Ryan said to Kaley, “I got the box down from the attic this morning. So anytime you’re ready, we can look through it.”
“Really? Wow. That was fast.”
No kidding, Victoria thought. Not only had he spent time outside, he’d rummaged around in the attic, too.
“We can look through it after breakfast,” Kaley said. “Then afterward, I’ll get my photo album.” She grinned. “We can have a picture party.”
Ryan grinned, too. Boyish as hell. Victoria cursed the knee-jerk reaction it gave her.
He said to their daughter, “Too bad we don’t have any cake and ice cream to go with it.”
Kaley tapped her purple people eaters together, making the eyeballs roll around. “Victoria is going to teach me to bake.”
“Yes, she told me. That’ll be cool. You two can fatten me up while you’re here.”
He was still leaning against the counter, with his lean male hips and whipcord arms. Cake and ice cream wasn’t about to fatten him up. Funny thing, too, he probably stayed in shape from his country-fresh lifestyle, hiking and biking and lifting bales of hay, whereas Victoria belonged to a trendy gym, taking scheduled classes and running on a treadmill like a hamster on a wheel.
He refilled his coffee and asked Kaley, “Do you want a cup?”
“No thanks. I’m more of a cappuccino girl.”
“With purple feet?” He chuckled. “There’s a gourmet coffee machine in the break room at the clinic. It’s one of those single-serve models with disposable brewing cups. No one ever really uses it. I can bring it in here, if that suits you.”
She shot him a winning smile. “Thanks. That’d be super.”
He left by way of the mudroom.
After he was gone, Kaley sad, “He’s nice. He’s handsome, too, for the dad type. But so is my dad. I wonder if they’re going to become friends.”
“They’re not going to know each other very well, honey. It could be a long time before they ever meet.”
“Why? Because they live so far away? They’re going to have to hang out, eventually. I want both of them to be at my college graduation.”
“You’re only just starting school in the fall. You’ve got at least a full four years to go.”
“I know, but there are other things, too. Like me getting married and having kids. If they don’t become friends, stuff like that will be awkward for everyone.”
“Let’s focus on one life-altering event at a time.” Victoria didn’t want to consider how many times in the future that she would be required to see Ryan.
He returned with the gourmet coffeemaker and set it up, brewing a single cup of flavored cappuccino for Kaley.
Victoria finished making breakfast and set the table.
“This is nice,” Ryan said, as the three them sat down.
Apparently Kaley thought so, too. She hummed while she ate, tucked cozily between her birth parents. Victoria was glad that her daughter was enjoying herself, but that still didn’t make them a family.
Ryan remarked how good the food was, and Kaley agreed, marveling over the fact that they were feasting on fresh eggs and drinking milk provided by a miniature cow.
“This feels so fifties,” Kaley said.
“That’s the era this table is from,” Ryan told her. “It belonged to my dad.”
Victoria spoke up. “I’ve been wondering if it was the same one.”
He shifted his attention to her. “You recognized it?”
She nodded. Everything about the past was resurfacing. Everything she’d worked so doggone hard to forget.
He said, “When I first bought this place, Dad moved in with me because he was recovering from a stroke. He insisted that he was going to get well and to move back out on his own. So I put all of his stuff in storage, including this table.” He ran his fingers along the Formica. “But Dad didn’t get well. About a year later, he had another stroke and died. I ended up keeping the table, maybe because it had been around for so long.”
“How long?” Kaley asked.
“Since before my mom died, and I was five when it happened.”
“How did she die?”
“In a car crash. I was too young to hear the specifics, and I never asked about it later. Soon after she died, Dad boxed up any reminders of her, and that was pretty much the end of it. She was a wife and mother who no longer existed.”
“That’s sad,” Kaley said.
Victoria thought so, too. It also explained why his childhood home had been devoid of pictures or mementos.
Kaley turned quiet. Thinking, it appeared, about Ryan’s family. Then she asked, “Did your dad ever date anyone after she was gone?”
“There were a few women, but nothing serious. Mostly he kept to himself.”
“My dad hasn’t dated, and if he has, then it hasn’t gone well. He never brings anyone home. I don’t think that’s healthy.” She turned to Victoria. “Do you?”
Victoria frowned. She rarely dated, and the boy she’d once loved was still alive—and seated right across from her, of all things. “People need time to grieve.”
“It’s been seven years.” Kaley was frowning, too. “I want my dad to have someone in his life.”
“I know, but he has to want a relationship. And contrary to popular belief, there’s nothing wrong with being alone. My parents think that I should be married by now. But we all need to do what’s right for us.”
Victoria could feel Ryan watching her. He’d obviously never been involved in a discussion like this. But he hadn’t remained alone, not the way she had. He’d been married and divorced in the time frame that she’d been determined to stay single.
Kaley said to her, “What if someone doesn’t know what’s right for them? What if my dad doesn’t know?”
Victoria replied, “You need to trust him to find his own way. He’s an amazing guy, and he’s done a wonderful job raising you. When the time comes for him to date, he’ll handle it just fine.”
“I hope so.”
They finished eating, and Victoria cleared the table, grateful to keep busy.
“Should I go get the stuff from the attic?” Ryan asked Kaley.
“Definitely.” The teenager sounded anxious to get started on his side of the family tree.
He left the room and returned with a battered box. By now, Victoria was at the sink, rinsing dishes and getting them ready for the dishwasher.
He and Kaley sat down and began rummaging through the contents of the box. Kaley had a spiral notebook and pen beside her, preparing to catalog items of interest.
Were there pictures of Ryan’s ex amid the stacks of stuff they’d dumped on the table? Or documents associated with her, such as his marriage certificate or divorce decree? Or did the box contain only things from his childhood, the hidden-away mementos his dad had stored?
Ryan said to Kaley, “This is my mom. It’s a little faded, but it’s her.”
Curiosity piqued, Victoria forgot about Ryan’s ex and focused on his mother. She dried her hands and wandered over to the table and stood behind Kaley’s chair. “Can I see, too?”
He showed it to both of them.
The woman in the Polaroid appeared to be in her late teens, probably around Kaley’s age, and was dressed in shimmery 1970s garb. Tall and thin, with long brown hair and a natural smile, she represented the free, fun sign of her times.
“Her maiden name was Margaret Dodd,” Ryan said. “But she went by Molly.”
“She was pretty,” Kaley said. “She looks happy, too.”
He studied the image. “She was from the Paiute Nation, but I never met any of her family. I asked my dad once why no one from her side ever came to see me. He said that she’d been raised by an old aunt who’d already passed on.”
“What band was your mom from?”
“I have no idea. The Paiute are divided into three groups, with quite a number of tribes among them. I assume she was registered with one of their federally recognized tribes, because when I signed the adoption papers for you, my dad said that he would provide the documents they needed for the Indian Child Welfare Act. At the time, I didn’t think about what that meant. But later I realized that he’d probably given them my mom’s registration papers and whatever else they required to prove what tribe I was connected to.”
Kaley took Molly’s picture and put it with her notebook. “I’m going to find out more about her.”
Ryan uncovered more snapshots of his mom, some of which he and his father were in. Molly was a bit fuller-figured than her earlier self, but just as pretty. Victoria felt an uncomfortable tug at her heart, seeing Ryan as a wide-eyed toddler, clinging to his dad, who was a much younger, gentler version of the man Victoria remembered.
“What was your dad’s name?” Kaley asked.
“Kevin. Kevin Gregory Nash,” he amended, reciting his father’s full name.
As the research session continued, Victoria was compelled to stay where she was, standing beside the table, allowing herself to become immersed in Ryan’s roots.
Would things have been different if his mother had lived? Would Molly have encouraged Victoria and Ryan to keep Kaley? Would she have been someone Victoria could have confided in?
Questions with dreamy answers.
Victoria wanted to believe that Molly would have been supportive, comforting her in a way that her own parents and Ryan’s dad had been incapable of. She even imagined putting her head on Molly’s shoulder.
“Look what I found,” Kaley said.
Victoria snapped out of her daydream. Apparently Kaley had reached into the box and discovered a high school annual. Victoria inspected the cover and noticed that it was from Ryan’s senior year. By then she’d already moved to California. Naturally, she was curious to see his senior photo, certain that Kaley would search for it.
As predicted, the teenager paged through the yearbook, stopping when she found her prize. “Wow. Check you out, Ryan.”
“Yeah, check out how awful I look.”
No, Victoria thought. He was young and handsome, just as she remembered, with his straight dark hair and exotic features, but she understood what he meant. He seemed lost in the picture, with a smile that didn’t embrace his eyes.
He said, “That wasn’t good a time in my life.”
“Because of what happened with me,” Kaley said.
He nodded.
The girl softly asked, “What did your dad say about you not going to the hospital?”
“He got raging mad. He thought it was terrible. And for once he’d been right to yell at me. By then I was used to it, though. He was always on edge about something, always bitching me out.”
“I’ll bet he was so grumpy all the time because he missed your mom.” Kaley offered her take on the situation. “But he still should have been nicer to you. My dad has always been nice to me.”
Victoria was incredibly thankful that their daughter had been adopted into a loving home. But that didn’t change the past. It didn’t change the ache that Ryan’s senior photo caused, either.
Kaley closed the annual and said to Victoria, “You never showed me the yearbooks you were in.”
“Because I don’t have them anymore.”
“What happened to them?”
Before Victoria could respond, Ryan interjected. “She probably got rid of them on purpose.”
Victoria sighed. “You’re right, I did. I tossed out everything associated with that era. It was easier to start over, especially after I moved.”
He made the same admission. “I didn’t keep the yearbooks you were in, either. That’s the only one I still have.”
Kaley shook her head. “You guys were so dramatic, throwing things out. But you’re both kind of sweet, too, in your own weird way.”
Ryan laughed a little, maybe because he didn’t know what else to do. Then he said to Victoria, “I always thought you were sweet.”
She shrugged, trying to appear unaffected by their emotional weirdness. “What can I say? I was a nice girl.”
“And you smelled really good.”
“That’s not the same kind of sweet.”
“I know, but you always smelled like dessert or something.”
Because she used to douse herself in vanilla-scented lotion. “I wore too much fragrance.”
“Not to me.”
Instantly, she was reminded of him burying his nose in her sugary skin. Oh, the memories that evoked: curling up in Ryan’s bed when his dad wasn’t home, slipping her greedy hands into his half-undone clothes, closing her eyes while he peeled hers off. Even now, her eyes were starting to drift closed, until she realized that Ryan was looking at her.
She told herself to get a grip. But it didn’t work. She couldn’t get her memories under control. “I think I should go now.”
He made a puzzled expression. “Go?”
“To my room. To get some work done.” She needed to escape. If she didn’t, those intimate feelings would only get stronger. “You two have fun with the rest of the family tree.”
“Okay. See you later.” Kaley handled her impeding departure with ease. But she’d already shifted her attention back to the box, unaware of Victoria’s discomfort.
Ryan noticed, though. She could feel him watching her.
She walked away, praying for the strength to make it through the rest of the week without feeling more for him than she should.
* * *
Ryan and Kaley stayed in the kitchen and finished going through everything.
Afterward, she said, “I’m going to go get my photo album now.”
“Sounds good.” He was eager to continue spending time with her. But he was disappointed that Victoria had left. It had been nice to have her nearby. But she was skittish around him. One little smell-good remark and she’d made a mad dash for the doorway.
Kaley left to get her photo album, and he stood up to stretch his legs.
She returned, and they resumed their seats. He braced himself for the newborn pictures of her, which he assumed would be on the first page.
He assumed right. As he gazed at the images and studied her cap of dark hair and scrunched-up little face, he wanted to zap back in time and hold her as close as he possibly could.
“You were beautiful,” he said. He imagined that she would have felt small and soft in his arms.
“I think I look kind of goofy.”
“No. You were beautiful. Absolutely perfect.” He lifted his gaze. “You still are.”
“Thanks.” She got a little shy, ducking her head.
He realized that without Victoria in the room with them, they didn’t know quite how to behave. He and his daughter were strangers.
She turned the next page. “This is me and my mom and dad. I think I was about three months old here.”
Her parents were an attractive couple: the mom was a summer blonde and the dad was tall and dark. Ryan envied the happy looks on their faces. But then he reminded himself that the mother was gone and the father was alone and missing her.
He said, “Victoria told me that your mom’s name was Corrine and that she was adopted, too.”
Kaley nodded. “She never knew her birth parents and always felt as if something was missing from her life.”
“Did she ever try to find them?”
“Yes, but nothing ever surfaced. She was really upset later when she discovered that she couldn’t have kids. She wanted a baby of her own more than anything. But then she decided that not being able to conceive meant that she was destined to adopt.”
Ryan glanced at the picture of Corrine and Eric, imagining them in his mind: their love for each other, their determination to become parents.
Kaley said, “When they first started the adoption proceedings, they were only interested in open adoptions. Because of the way my mom felt about her childhood, they wanted the birth mother to be involved in their baby’s life. The birth father, too, if he was around. Lots of times the dads aren’t.”
That struck a guilty chord. In the end, Ryan had been one of those dads.
Kaley continued, “After a couple of years, they were still waiting for a newborn. But they were warned that it might take a while. Then finally the adoption agency called and told them that there was a baby coming up who was part Native and had to go to a Native home, which would put them at the top of the list since my dad is registered with the Cherokee Nation. But they had to agree to a closed adoption or not take the baby.”
“So they agreed,” he said, stating the obvious.
“Yep. Later, when I was old enough to understand, Mom said that if I ever wanted to search for my birth family or learn more about my roots, she would help me.”
“But that never interested you until now?”
“I didn’t see the point. I had great parents. What did I need another family for? Even after Mom died, I didn’t think it mattered.”
“Then what changed for you? Why did you search for Victoria and me?”
“Everything seemed different after I turned eighteen. Maybe it’s the being-an-adult thing and getting ready for college. It’s like I’m someone new. Only sometimes I’m not sure who that person is.” She wrinkled her forehead. “Does that sound dumb?”
“Not at all. Sometimes I’m not sure who I am, either.” The son of deceased parents, an ex-husband, Victoria’s former boyfriend, Kaley’s confused birth father. None of his titles sounded sure or steady. “The easiest way for me to define myself is through my work.” That part of his life was sure and steady.
“Your work seems noble. Taking care of animals.”
“It makes me happy.” So did her describing his life’s passion as noble. “Victoria told me that you’re going to major in business with a minor in women’s studies. Why did you choose women’s studies as your minor? What drew you to it?”
“I think women need to be empowered, and this is my way of being part of that movement. And with me being from two cultures, I think my perspective is especially important.”
Suddenly she seemed so mature, so strong, a warrior in the making. “Have you considered what type of job you’re going to pursue?”
“Not yet. With the way the world is now, who knows where it will lead me? It’s scary that an education doesn’t guarantee you a job now.”
“I have a feeling you’ll do just fine.”
“Thanks.” She smiled at him.
He smiled, too, and they returned to the photo album.
The next few pages consisted of pictures taken after her mother was gone. Ryan could tell because Kaley was older in them.
She said, “I added these. Mom started the album, and I kept it going.”
He noticed how telling those images were, the obvious closeness between Eric and Kaley after they’d lost Corrine.
He thought about what Victoria had said about Eric, how good and kind and amazing he was. He also thought about how badly Kaley wanted her father to start dating and move on with his life.
Would Victoria ever consider dating Eric? Would their friendship eventually move in that direction? It actually seemed logical and possible, too. They lived near each other and probably had common interests.
Ryan couldn’t imagine Eric not wanting Victoria. What man wouldn’t be attracted to her, especially the man who’d raised the child Victoria had birthed? Talk about a bond.
He turned the page and saw what appeared to be a recent picture of Eric. Ryan was having a bit of trouble liking the guy, with envy rearing its ugly head.
The next picture was of Eric, Kaley and Victoria, smiling together like a family. His stomach turned tight.
He glanced up at his daughter. “Do you want to go to the store today and get those teddy bears?” He desperately needed to bond with her. And Victoria, too. He wanted them to seem like a family. He wanted the same advantage as Eric.
“Sure. I’d love that.”
“Maybe we can take some pictures to include in your album of the three of us. You, me and Victoria.”
“That’s a great idea. I’ll go tell her.” She hopped out of her chair. “This is going to be fun.”
He doubted that Victoria was going to feel the same sense of elation. But he wasn’t giving up on her this week. He was going to win her over, the best he could.
Chapter Four
On the way to the store, Victoria rode shotgun in Ryan’s truck, and Kaley sat in the extended cab backseat, immersed in her smartphone. Victoria would have preferred to be in back. Sitting next to Ryan made her feel like his partner or his girlfriend or something that identified her with him. It also made her think about his ex-wife. Not knowing anything about the other woman was driving her crazy. But asking him would be worse. It would prove that she cared, and she didn’t want to care.
Ryan glanced in the rearview mirror and said to Kaley, “Are you texting?”
“No. Twittering,” came the reply. “About us.”
“Us?” He sounded pleased.
“You, me and Victoria. I’m letting my followers know that I’m hanging out with both of my birth parents this week.”
He smiled. “That’s cool.” He looked at Victoria. “She’s Twittering about us.”
“That’s what they do these days.” She didn’t mind being the subject of her daughter’s tweets, except that she was being linked with Ryan.
“Do you Twitter?” he asked her.
“Yes. But not personal things. I use my account for business.”
“Maybe I should open an account.” He shot another glance in the mirror. “I could follow you, Kaley.”
“That would be great,” the teen said.
Nothing about this was great, Victoria thought. Except that it was making Kaley happy, she amended. That was extremely important. That was the whole point.

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