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A Baby Of His Own
Jennifer Taylor


I would have loved to watch our baby growing inside you…Connor Mackenzie was the love of nurse Lucy Adams's life. But when it came to a choice between her or his glittering paediatric career, Connor chose the job. And then she discovered she was pregnant. He didn't know about the baby, and Lucy didn't tell him.Now Connor is back. Lucy still doesn't know the real reason why he left. She doesn't know how much it cost him or how much he's missed her. And she doesn't know how determined he is to be a father to their child.









BACHELOR DADS

Single doctors…Single fathers!


At work they are skilled medical professionals, but at home, as soon as they walk through the door, these eligible bachelors are on full-time fatherhood duty.

These devoted dads still find room in their lives for love…

It takes a very special woman to win the hearts of these dedicated doctors, and a very special kind of caring to make these single fathers full-time husbands.


Dear Reader (#ulink_662d0464-f4b8-5905-a968-ec418b064d73),

The three books in my new series, BACHELOR DADS, are based on one common theme: a father’s love for his child. Although each of the fathers has to overcome many different obstacles, Lewis, Owen and Connor are united by their love for their children. Each of these men will do anything it takes to make sure his child is happy, even if it means sacrificing his own happiness. Fortunately, I was able to make sure they were all suitably rewarded for their dedication.

Discovering that he is a father changes Connor Mackenzie’s whole outlook on life. He used to focus all his energy on making a success of his career as a pediatrician. However, finding out that he has a baby daughter makes him reassess his priorities. Suddenly, his job doesn’t seem nearly as important as being a proper father to Isabel. The problem is how can he convince Izzy’s mother that he is serious about taking on the role?

Lucy always knew that Connor would leave her and that was why she never told him that she was expecting his child. Now he is back in her life and demanding to play an active part in Izzy’s future. He seems serious about his intentions, but can she trust him not to break their child’s heart the way he broke hers?

Watching Connor’s relationship with his daughter and her mother develop gave me a huge amount of pleasure. I hope you will enjoy it, too.

Best wishes,

Jennifer Taylor


A Baby of His Own

Jennifer Taylor






www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)




CONTENTS


Cover (#u87a43911-61e0-5838-b584-80dffe539be3)

Dear Reader (#ulink_75dc8ae5-7873-5d2a-99c1-72ce0f127b05)

Title Page (#ueecf38b6-b572-5efb-82f8-4198922c984b)

CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_47f79475-3a6c-5dd2-ac2d-934dc8e8dc4f)

CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_68e68695-637a-500b-a48e-8a54a63a184f)

CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_4339c7dd-fd1a-5a03-8c37-d968a7ff0dbd)

CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_84973336-bb0c-561e-b16a-6f72df460e25)

CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)




CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_3b122b40-1c52-52cf-b563-aae4056d4ee5)


‘YOU’RE never going to believe what’s happened!’

Staff Nurse Lucy Adams glanced round as the staffroom door burst open. It was Lucy’s first day back at work on Dalverston General’s paediatric unit following her maternity leave. She had been hoping to ease herself back into the job after several months’ absence, but it had been far too busy as one crisis had succeeded another. She’d not had time to stop for any lunch and had been making herself a cup of coffee when her friend, Sandra Clark, had appeared. Now she groaned as she saw the excitement on the other nurse’s face.

‘I’m not sure if I want to hear this.’

‘Oh, yes, you do!’ Sandra grimaced when she heard footsteps coming along the corridor. It was obvious that she wanted to tell Lucy her news before they were interrupted. ‘Guess who they’ve hired to replace Mark Dawson?’

‘I’ve no idea and I really don’t care so long as he or she can do the job,’ Lucy assured her, sinking down onto a chair. ‘It’s been bedlam in here this morning. I don’t know how they expect us to cope with half our staff missing—’

‘Connor Mackenzie!’

Lucy froze so that the cup of coffee that had been on its way to her mouth ended up suspended in mid-air. Sandra laughed in delight.

‘I knew you’d be surprised! I was stunned when I found out, too. I never thought Connor would come back here to work, did you?’

‘No. I didn’t.’ It was hard to force the words past the knot of panic in her throat but Lucy knew that she mustn’t let Sandra see how shocked she really was. Nobody knew about her and Connor—they’d gone to great lengths to keep their relationship a secret. Gossip was rife in any hospital and they hadn’t wanted everyone talking about them.

In the event, Lucy had been glad they’d been so careful. At least she’d been spared the embarrassment of people knowing that Connor had cared more about his career than he’d cared about her. And because nobody knew they’d had an affair, they hadn’t put two and two together when she’d announced that she was pregnant. Isabel was six months old now and nobody—not even Lucy’s own family—knew that Connor was her father. That was how she intended it to remain, too. So far as she was concerned, Connor Mackenzie had no claim on her precious daughter.

‘At least we’re getting someone with experience to take over the post.’ She fixed a smile to her mouth, hoping it would convince Sandra that the news didn’t worry her. Of course it did, because working with Connor was going to be very awkward, but she had to start as she meant to go on. ‘It was a real blow when Mark decided to accept that position in Cambridge, but Connor’s an excellent doctor. And he’s great with the kids, too.’

‘He’s also gorgeous and sexy in case you’ve forgotten.’ Sandra gave a little chuckle. ‘Or have your hormones not recovered yet from the joys of childbirth?’

‘My hormones are fine, thank you very much,’ Lucy retorted, knowing that she had to play along—it was expected of her.

Her heart suddenly skipped a beat as a picture of Connor appeared in her mind’s eye: that crisp black hair, those wonderful green eyes and chiselled features. He was gorgeous, and sexy, and a host of other things as well, but none of those mattered. It was Izzy who was the most important person in her life now, and Izzy’s happiness was her only concern. She wasn’t going to allow her daughter’s feelings to be trampled on by a man who put his career before everything else!

The thought steadied her so that she was able to smile more naturally this time. ‘I’m just too tired from looking after a teething baby all night to appreciate Connor Mackenzie’s finer points.’

‘Then you must be the only woman in this hospital who feels that way.’ Sandra gave a little shudder. ‘Oh, this must be my lucky day. I was gutted when Connor left to work in the States. I never thought he’d come back to Dalverston once he’d had a taste of the good life. It must be fate is all I can say. Pure fate!’

Lucy laughed sceptically. ‘Or bad luck, you mean. Connor might be good-looking but he’s too wrapped up in his precious career to care about anything else. You could find yourself at the end of a long line of disappointed females who wish they’d never heard of the wonderful Dr Mackenzie!’

She looked up, expecting Sandra to refute that claim, and suddenly realised there was someone standing in the doorway. Her breath caught as she realised who it was. He gave her a thin smile as he came into the room but she could see the anger in his green eyes and a shiver raced through her. She wasn’t sure if it had been that disparaging comment that had upset him, but there was no doubt at all that Connor Mackenzie was furiously angry.

‘Obviously, you’re not my number one fan, Staff Nurse Adams. Whilst you’re perfectly entitled to your views, I do hope you’ll keep any remarks like that to yourself in future. I would prefer it if my staff at least pretended to show me some respect.’

Colour washed up Lucy’s face as she quickly stood up. Maybe Connor was within his rights to chastise her, but there was no way she was going to allow him to walk all over her. ‘I apologise, Dr Mackenzie. Obviously, that remark wasn’t intended for your ears. I shall be more careful in future.’

‘Thank you.’ His eyes bored into her as he narrowed the gap between them. ‘Harmony within my team is something I value very highly. If you have a grievance, I expect you to tell me about it. Is that clear?’

‘Perfectly,’ she retorted, her brown eyes blazing back at him. Maybe she couldn’t put her feelings into words but there was no way he wouldn’t understand the message she was trying to convey. He might be her boss now, not her lover, but she resented him pulling rank this way.

‘Good.’ An ironic smile curled his mouth. ‘It’s best to get things out into the open, I find. It saves a lot of confusion. Trying to keep secrets rarely works.’

Lucy wasn’t sure what he meant by that. To anyone listening, it would appear that he was laying down some ground rules before he took up the post as head of the paediatric unit. However, she sensed there’d been a deeper meaning behind the words and it worried her. Was Connor warning her that he’d found out about Izzy?

Panic swept over her at the thought of him knowing about her daughter and she turned away, terrified that he would see just how scared she was. She emptied the rest of her coffee down the sink and hurried to the door. Sandra was chatting to Connor now so with a bit of luck she should be able to slip away. She just needed a few minutes to calm herself down and then she’d be able to deal with whatever Connor threw at her.

‘Could I have a word with you before you go back to the ward, Lucy?’

She was almost out of the door when Connor called her back and for a moment she was tempted to ignore him. However, she knew it would create more problems if she did that. No matter how she felt about him personally, he was still her boss.

‘We’re short-staffed today,’ she told him crisply.

‘So I believe. I was informed at my interview that staffing levels are at an all-time low. It’s something I intend to rectify as soon as possible.’

He turned to Sandra and Lucy’s mouth pursed with distaste when she saw the dazzling smile he bestowed on the other woman. ‘I know you’re supposed to go off duty soon, but I really need to have a word with Lucy. Would you mind covering for her just this once?’

‘Of course I don’t mind, Connor—I mean, Dr Mackenzie,’ Sandra amended hastily.

‘Thanks. And Connor will do fine.’ He gave her another megawatt smile. ‘I can’t see the point of standing on ceremony when we’re all here for the same reason. Make sure everyone knows that, will you?’

‘Of course!’

Sandra glided out of the room, an expression of such bliss on her face that it made Lucy’s stomach churn. Something of what she was feeling must have shown on her face because Connor laughed.

‘A bit of charm works wonders, I find. It’s far more effective than rattling out orders.’

‘I’m sure you’re right.’ Lucy came back into the room although she didn’t sit down when he waved her towards a chair. ‘I prefer to stand, thank you. You did say this wouldn’t take long.’

‘It won’t.’ He closed the door and turned to face her. ‘What I have to say can be said in very few words, although I’m sure you would prefer it to be said in private.’

‘I can’t imagine what you and I have to talk about of a private nature,’ she countered. ‘Our relationship ended when you went to America. You made it very clear it was the end, too. What was it you said on our last evening together? Ah, yes, I remember now. There was no point keeping in touch because you preferred to make a clean break. You then told me to get on with my life and that you hoped I’d be happy. Well, I’m glad to say that I took your advice on both counts.’

‘So I believe.’ He leant against the door and there was something about the way he was looking at her that made a shiver run down her spine. ‘I bumped into Lisa Saunders a few weeks ago. She was in Boston for a seminar so we spent a couple of hours catching up. It was a surprise to hear that she and Will were married, although that wasn’t her only news, of course. She also told me that you were on maternity leave. Your baby is how old now…six months?’

Lucy nodded. She was too afraid to speak. She had the most awful feeling that she knew where this was leading and was terrified that she would say something to confirm his suspicions. That was all they were, of course—suspicions. Nobody apart from her knew the truth.

‘Did I ever tell you that maths was one of my favourite subjects at school? I used to enjoy working out all those problems the teachers set us.’ Connor’s tone was light and breezy, as though they were indulging in a pleasant little chat. However, the expression in his eyes told a very different story.

‘How fascinating,’ she replied curtly, desperate not to hear anything else. Even though she had no idea what his liking for maths had to do with the situation, it was unlikely that he was making small-talk for the fun of it. ‘Unfortunately, I don’t have time to listen to you reminiscing about your schooldays. I need to get back to work.’

‘Of course you do. As a single mother, your job must be very important to you. Babies are expensive, aren’t they? They need all sorts of things—nappies, clothes, toys—the list must be endless.’ He sighed. ‘It must be hard enough when the child’s father is around to share the burden but when you’re on your own—like you, Lucy—it must be a real problem.’

‘I manage,’ she snapped.

‘I’m sure you do. But why should you have to manage by yourself when the baby’s father should be doing his bit to help you?’ He stepped away from the door and there was something intimidating about the way he was looking at her now. ‘He does know about the baby, doesn’t he? I know you read about women who go off and have a baby without telling the father, but you wouldn’t do a thing like that, would you, Lucy?’

‘Isabel’s father has nothing whatsoever to do with you!’ she shot back, desperate to convince him that she was telling the truth.

‘Isabel. So that’s what you called her? Lisa couldn’t remember her name when I asked her what it was. She just knew you’d had a little girl.’ His voice had softened, the harshness replaced by a tenderness that made Lucy’s heart suddenly ache. Either he was a superb actor or he really was moved by the thought of her daughter.

Just for a moment, she allowed herself the luxury of imagining how he would react if she told him the truth about Izzy being his child. She could actually picture the smile that would light his handsome face and the way his eyes would fill with love for their daughter—as once upon a time she’d imagined they had filled with love for her.

The thought was like a dash of cold water, returning her with sickening speed to the reality of the situation. And the reality was that Connor allowed nothing to come before his precious career. Nothing had ever mattered as much and nothing ever would, neither a woman nor a child. The thought helped her harden her heart.

‘Is this leading somewhere?’ She gave him a mocking smile. ‘So far we’ve covered your schooldays, your meeting with Lisa, and the fact that I have a baby. So what else do you wish to discuss?’

‘Nothing very much. I’ve covered the main topics.’ He gave a throaty laugh. ‘Funnily enough, they’re all linked. Meeting Lisa was the start, you see, then came the maths. It was easy enough to subtract the months until I got back to the beginning, which was when your baby was conceived. Correct me if I’m wrong but I’d guess it was April last year. If Isabel is six months old, it would have to be around that time unless she was premature, and Lisa didn’t mention that.’

‘I’m not listening to this,’ Lucy began, but he carried on as though she’d never spoken.

‘So assuming that Isabel went to term that means April is right. A lot of things happened that April, as I recall. We spent a lot of time together, including that weekend in Scotland. In fact, if you factor in work—which brings me back to the maths again—then I’d say you had very little opportunity to see anyone else when you were spending so much time with me. Ipso facto, Isabel must be my daughter. Am I right, Lucy? Or have my powers of deduction failed me this time?’

Lucy didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t even claim that it was like having her worst nightmare come true because she’d never dreamt that she and Connor would have this conversation. Since the night they’d parted she’d not heard a word from him—not even a card at Christmas. He had walked out of her life and that had been it. Now she had no idea how to deal with what was happening and her confusion must have shown.

‘I don’t know what you’re planning on doing but, please, don’t bother trying to lie your way out of this. It would be a mistake, because I’m not in the mood to listen to any lies. We both know that Isabel is my daughter. She couldn’t possibly be anyone else’s.’

‘Why not? I could have been seeing someone else while we were going out together.’ She stared back at him, desperately trying to hold onto her control. She had no idea why he was even interested that he had a child but something warned her that no good would come of it.

‘Not you, Lucy. It’s not something you’d do.’

The certainty in his voice almost tipped her over the edge and she had to breathe deeply to control her panic.

‘Isn’t it?’ She gave a mocking laugh and was pleased to see his eyelids flicker. Was he having doubts about her faithfulness, wondering if she might have been two-timing him? She hoped so, she really did. Connor Mackenzie needed taking down a peg or two!

‘Are you sure about that, Connor? You might be able to account for a large proportion of my time that April but you weren’t with me every single minute, were you? There were a number of nights when you were working and I was off duty. Do you know with absolute certainty what I was doing on those nights?’

‘No, I don’t. I wasn’t keeping tabs on you.’

‘Exactly!’ She laughed again, playing the role of her life. It was vital she convinced him that he couldn’t be Isabel’s father. Nothing was going to hurt her precious little girl and if that meant denying Connor’s paternity, that was what she would do.

‘You haven’t the faintest idea what went on when you were at work. You didn’t really care. Your job has always come first and I don’t imagine it would have worried you if you’d found out I was seeing someone else.’

‘So who was he, then?’ His voice grated but apart from that he seemed unmoved by the fact that she’d claimed to have been having an affair while they’d been seeing each other.

Lucy felt a knot of pain twist her heart but she couldn’t afford to admit that it hurt to know how little she’d meant to him. ‘Just someone I met one night in a club.’

‘So it was a one-night stand—is that what you’re saying?’

‘That’s right. I haven’t seen him since and I don’t expect to. He was in Dalverston on business and there’s no reason to imagine I’ll run into him again.’

‘And does he have a name? Or didn’t you bother asking him that?’

He smiled at her, his white teeth gleaming, his eyes sparkling with what looked like amusement. Was he relieved to have been let off the hook? she wondered, feeling sickly. Glad that another man was the father of her child so that he wouldn’t have to worry about the responsibilities of being a parent? The thought was almost too much to bear, but she had to bear it for Izzy’s sake.

‘I don’t see what difference it makes what his name is. He’s not part of the equation, to use your own analogy.’

‘And you’re perfectly happy about that, are you? You don’t care that your daughter is going to grow up without knowing her father?’

‘A lot of children don’t have any contact with one or other of their parents these days. I’m quite sure that it won’t make a lot of difference to Isabel’s life.’

It wasn’t true, of course. She did worry about what her daughter was going to miss as she grew up. Her own childhood had been idyllic and she hated to think that Izzy wouldn’t enjoy the support that came from a secure family background. However, there was no way that she was prepared to admit that to Connor, especially when he’d accepted her story about another man so readily. If she’d fostered any hopes that he’d ever loved her, they’d just been completely dashed.

The thought was so painful that Lucy knew she had to bring the conversation to an end. She looked pointedly at her watch. ‘I need to get back. We’re two members of staff down today so we’re working at full stretch.’

‘Of course. I’m sorry to have delayed you but I’m glad we’ve had this chat. It’s helped to clear up a few things which have been bothering me since I spoke to Lisa.’

He stepped away from the door, but instead of moving out of her way so she could leave, he stopped directly in front of her. Lucy felt her heart start to race when she saw how grim he looked. There was no sign of amusement on his face now and no hint of softness in his voice either.

‘The thing I always admired about you, Lucy, was your honesty. You said what you meant and you meant what you said, but obviously you’ve changed.’

‘I don’t know what you mean,’ she began, but he shook his head.

‘Of course you do. You would never have told me that pack of lies about Isabel’s father a year ago. There was no other man and we both know that. I’m her father and I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for trying to hide her existence from me, but I do know that things are going to change from now on.

‘She’s my daughter as well as yours and I intend to play a proper role in her life. So if you’re harbouring any thoughts of cutting me out then I suggest you forget them. I shall do whatever it takes to be a real father to that little girl. And if that means taking you to court to gain access to her, that’s what I’ll do.’

‘Connor…!’ she began, but he’d already turned away. Lucy pressed her hand to her mouth as he strode out of the door. She’d always believed that she’d been right not to tell him about Izzy but it didn’t feel that way any more. It felt as though she’d not only let her daughter down but Connor as well, which was crazy. She didn’t owe him any allegiance. He’d walked out of her life and he had no right to think that he could come back now and create havoc!

She took a steadying breath. The biggest mistake she could make now would be to panic. Isabel was her daughter and she would do whatever it took to protect her. Connor was never going to hurt Izzy the way he had hurt her.




CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_7091ab9a-22d5-5f3d-bab5-f81e7ece5d3e)


CONNOR couldn’t remember a time when he’d felt so angry. Normally, he had no difficulty controlling his temper. He firmly believed that it was futile to expend energy in such a non-productive fashion, yet he couldn’t seem to get a grip as he made his way to the ward. Sandra was coming out of the office and he sighed when he saw her face light up. Although he wasn’t vain, he was aware of the impact he had on some of the female members of staff and he really didn’t feel like politely fending her off.

‘I was just coming to find you!’ she exclaimed. ‘I know you’re not officially on duty yet but—’

‘What’s happened?’ he asked immediately because work had always taken priority over everything else.

Funnily enough, the idea stung and he frowned. He’d never considered his dedication to be a drawback before yet he couldn’t help wondering if this situation would have arisen if he’d devoted less time to his career. If he hadn’t taken up the post in Boston, for instance, he would have known that Lucy had been pregnant.

The fact that he could even consider the move to Boston as something to regret stunned him, so that it was a moment before he realised that Sandra was looking expectantly at him. Although he hated to admit that he hadn’t heard a word she’d said, he didn’t have a choice.

‘Sorry. I was miles away. It must be the jet-lag. I only arrived last night and I’m still catching up with the time difference. Can you tell me all that again?’

‘Of course!’

Sandra smiled forgivingly, making it clear that she would happily repeat the information any number of times he wanted her to. Connor wasn’t about to slip up again, however. He listened attentively as she explained that Theatre had just phoned to say they had a problem with a seven-year-old they’d been operating on. Sophie Fisher had been undergoing a routine tonsillectomy when she’d suffered an adverse reaction to the anaesthetic, which had caused her heart to stop. The anaesthetist had managed to restart her heart but she would need careful monitoring for the first twenty-four hours or so.

‘Is there a high-dependency bed available?’ he asked when Sandra had finished. Opening the paediatric high-dependency unit had been a major coup for his predecessor. High-dependency beds bridged the gap between nursing on a ward and in the intensive care unit—they were invaluable in a case like this where a patient needed extra care.

‘They’re all free,’ Sandra admitted. ‘We had to close the unit at the beginning of May because we didn’t have enough staff to cover it.’

‘Are you saying that there’s been no high-dependency paediatric beds available for over two months?’ he exclaimed incredulously.

‘Yes. Oh, they’ve advertised the posts several times, but I’m not sure if they’ve found anyone suitable yet. Maybe Lucy will know. Here she is now, you can ask her.’

Connor glanced round and saw Lucy coming along the corridor. He beckoned her over, pretending not to notice the strain on her face. Even though he was furious about the way she’d cut him out of his daughter’s life, it upset him to see her looking so worried.

‘We’ve a seven-year-old girl who needs a high-dependency bed,’ he explained crisply, determined not to let his feelings show. ‘Sandra has just informed me that the unit is closed.’

‘That’s right. The staff who were working there have been moved to ICU. Apparently, there were vacancies there as well so the management decided to close the unit and save on resources.’

‘That’s something I need to sort out,’ he said grimly. ‘However, it doesn’t solve our current problem. How long will it take to prepare a bed in the unit?’

‘Not very long. Everything is still in place so it’s just a matter of making up a bed and plugging in the equipment. However, there’s just three of us on today and Sandra will be going off duty soon. I’m the only one who’s done the extra training needed to work in the high-dependency unit and I can’t leave the ward.’

‘I understand that, but what if I find another nurse to cover the unit? Could you manage then?’

‘Yes, of course, although I don’t know where you’re going to find anyone. There’s nobody available in ICU—I’ve already asked them.’

She shrugged, her brown eyes meeting his for a second before they skittered away. Connor suddenly wished with all his heart that things had turned out differently. If he’d stayed in Dalverston, he and Lucy would never have been at loggerheads like this, he thought sadly.

Once again the fact that he regretted what had been an excellent career move startled him. His career had always been the most important thing in his life and to experience these doubts was deeply unsettling. He turned away, not wanting her to see how vulnerable he felt all of a sudden.

‘Sandra, can you get back on to Theatre and tell them to send the patient up as soon as they’re happy to move her?’ He went to the desk and picked up the phone, glancing at Lucy over his shoulder. ‘And can you get everything ready? The child’s stable at the moment but there’s always a chance that she might suffer a second cardiac arrest and we need to be prepared for it.’

‘But I’ve just explained that we don’t have enough staff to man the high-dependency unit as well as the ward.’

‘And I’ve just told you that I’ll find you another nurse,’ Connor said shortly, keying in the code for an outside line.

‘If you can find an experienced critical care nurse in Dalverston then you must be able to work miracles,’ she said scathingly. ‘None of the nursing agencies has anyone suitable on their books. I know that for a fact because Mark Dawson told me that he contacted them when he found out the unit was being closed down.’

‘I’m not contacting an agency.’ He keyed in another string of digits, wondering why it hurt to know how little faith she had in him. He’d never needed anyone’s approbation before—he’d taught himself to be totally self-sufficient—yet he’d have been lying if he’d claimed that he didn’t care how Lucy felt about him.

The thought worried him so much that his tone was brusquer than it might otherwise have been. ‘A friend of mine from Boston travelled over here with me. She worked in a high-dependency unit so she knows the drill. She qualified in England so there won’t be a problem with her nursing credentials either. I’m sure she’ll be willing to help if I ask her.’

‘I see. I’ll leave you to make the arrangements, then.’

Lucy spun round before he could say anything else. Connor frowned as he watched her disappear into the side room that housed the high-dependency beds. She was obviously upset, although he had no idea why. Surely she should be pleased that he’d found a solution to their problem?

His breath caught as a thought struck him. Was it possible that Lucy was jealous? Dee was just a friend and she had her own reasons for coming back to England, but Lucy didn’t know that. She probably assumed that Dee was his current girlfriend and that they’d decided to move back here together. He was suddenly overwhelmed by a need to set the record straight, but before he could act on it, Dee answered the phone.

He quickly explained his predicament and, as he’d expected, Dee immediately offered to help. He thanked her and hung up but then he had to clear it with the nursing officer and that caused another delay. By the time everything was arranged, the patient had arrived so once again there was no time to speak to Lucy.

The anaesthetist had brought the girl upstairs himself so they ran through her case notes together. Connor could tell the other man was worried in case any blame might be attached to him, but his notes showed that nothing had happened while Sophie had been in Theatre to have caused her to arrest. It had been a tragic accident caused by an adverse reaction to the anaesthetic agents used during the operation, and he told the anaesthetist that and sent him on his way.

Lucy had the child linked up to the monitoring equipment by the time he went to check on her. She was sedated and connected to a ventilator. Her blood pressure, heart rate and rhythm and oxygen levels were all being monitored. Body fluids and blood-sugar levels were being maintained by intravenous infusions of salts and glucose. Urine was being collected via a catheter and nutrients supplied intravenously. Connor knew that everything possible was being done for the child but as he looked at her pale little face, he was suddenly beset by a pain so intense that he winced.

How would he feel if it was his daughter lying in that bed? It didn’t bear thinking about, but it did prove that he’d been right to come back to England. It had been a shock when he’d worked out that Lucy’s baby must be his child, too, but he’d known from the outset what he’d had to do.

Isabel was going to grow up knowing that she had a father who loved her. He knew how it felt to be unwanted and wouldn’t allow the same thing to happen to his child. He intended to be a proper father to Isabel, not some shadowy figure who drifted in and out of her life, and if Lucy didn’t like the idea, it was tough.

He glanced across at Lucy and felt his heart spasm again. He really and truly didn’t want to fight with her. Leaving Lucy had been the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, although he doubted if she would believe him if he told her that. It was his own fault because he’d gone to great lengths to ensure that she’d known they hadn’t had a future together.

Now the situation had changed, but it wasn’t going be easy to persuade her to let him back into her life. It was obvious how she felt about him but he had to find a way to convince her that he didn’t mean her or Isabel any harm. He certainly wasn’t hoping to rekindle their affair if that was what was worrying her! That was over and done with, although he’d be lying if he claimed that he hadn’t thought about her while he’d been in America. There’d been far too many nights, in fact, when he had lain awake, thinking about her. Of all the women he’d ever dated, Lucy was the one who’d touched him most, the one for whom he might have considered abandoning his dreams.

‘Sophie Fisher is still giving us cause for concern. Connor has tried her on various drugs but she’s not responding as well as he’d hoped she would.’

Lucy handed over the patient’s chart to Bea Francis, the night sister, hoping the other woman hadn’t noticed the way her voice had quavered when she’d mentioned Connor’s name. She took a deep breath to iron out the bumps before continuing.

‘She’s still showing signs of arrhythmia so he wants the situation monitored overnight. If things haven’t settled down by the morning, he’ll decide then whether to try cardioversion.’

‘It might be the only option,’ Bea agreed, glancing at the chart. She set it aside and grinned at Lucy. ‘OK, so what’s the gen on Connor, then? I was stunned when Mel told me that he was our new boss. Why has he decided to come back to Dalverston?’

‘I’ve no idea.’ Lucy shrugged. She didn’t want Bea to think she was the least bit bothered by Connor’s return. ‘Maybe he missed the British weather.’

‘You must be joking!’

Bea stared pointedly out of the office window. Despite the fact that it was the middle of July, it was pouring down outside and it had been doing so for a while now. Flood warnings had been posted in the town and the houses closest to the river had been surrounded by a wall of sandbags. It certainly hadn’t been the best reason Lucy could have come up with to explain Connor’s return but what else could she have said? That he’d come back to claim his daughter?

A spasm ran through her and she rushed on, not wanting to think about how angry he’d been with her. ‘I’m sure he must have his reasons for coming back, but who knows what they are?’

‘Think they have anything to do with that nurse he’s brought in to help?’ Bea looked expectantly at her. ‘Mel told me they used to work together in Boston. Maybe she wanted to come back to England and Connor decided he couldn’t bear to lose her so came back as well.’

‘It’s one theory,’ Lucy conceded, although she doubted it was true. Oh, she didn’t dispute that Connor and Dee might be having a relationship—how could she when everything pointed towards it? However, it seemed far more likely that Dee had been the one to follow Connor back to England. She couldn’t imagine him going anywhere at someone else’s behest. Whatever Connor wanted always came first, and other people were expected to fall in with his wishes.

The thought was more than a little scary in the circumstances so she decided it was time to cut short the conversation. ‘That’s just about everything now so I’ll be off. Have a good night.’

‘I’ll try.’ Bea smiled sympathetically as Lucy hurried to the door. ‘I expect you’re anxious to see Isabel. I remember how much I hated leaving my kids when they were little, but needs must. And at least you were able to get her into the hospital’s crèche. That must have made life a bit easier.’

‘It was a godsend, them opening it just before I was due to return to work,’ Lucy agreed. ‘I don’t know how I’d have managed if I’d had to take Izzy to a childminder before I came into work this morning. It’s amazing how much stuff one small baby needs!’

‘It doesn’t get any better when they’re teenagers,’ Bea retorted. ‘The essentials just get bigger and more expensive!’

‘Thanks! That’s really cheered me up.’

Lucy was still laughing when she left the office. She hurried along the corridor, bypassing the nursing station and waving when she saw a couple of members of the night staff behind the desk. She knew that if she stopped to speak to them it would hold her up, and she was anxious to collect Izzy and take her home.

The newly opened staff crèche was in the old part of the building and had taken over the former site of the physiotherapy department. Lucy went straight there but there were still a lot of people ahead of her when she arrived, and she had to queue up to sign in. She’d almost reached the front of the queue when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turned round and her heart leapt when she found Connor standing behind her.

‘What are you doing here?’ she demanded, not making any attempt to hide her displeasure.

‘What do you think?’ He smiled thinly. ‘I thought now would be as good a time as any to meet my daughter.’

‘Sh! Keep your voice down,’ Lucy admonished, frantically looking over his shoulder. Fortunately the woman behind them in the queue was talking to her friend and didn’t appear to have heard what he’d said. Nevertheless, she was furious with him for being so indiscreet.

‘People are going to find out at some point,’ he stated coolly. ‘Maybe you would prefer to keep quiet about me being Isabel’s father but I have no intention of lying.’

‘It isn’t up to you, though, Connor. It’s my decision what I choose to tell people. And if I prefer not to tell them about you, that’s what will happen.’

‘Meaning that I don’t have a choice in the matter?’ He shook his head. ‘Sorry, Lucy, but it isn’t up to you to make that decision on your own. It’s something we need to discuss, along with a lot of other things concerning our daughter.’

‘What other things?’

‘All sorts of things, and far too many to list at the moment if you don’t want anyone overhearing.’

His tone was flat yet she sensed a certain tension about him, which surprised her. It was unlike Connor to display his feelings. He’d always been very cool and contained, keeping his emotions in check—apart from when they’d been sharing their most intimate moments, of course.

The memory of their love-making brought a rush of heat to her cheeks and she turned away, busying herself with signing her name in the visitors’ book. Security was tight and only parents or people designated by a parent were allowed inside the crèche. She moved away from the desk, then paused. If Connor tried to follow her, he would have problems getting in. Even though she hated the thought of him meeting Izzy, she didn’t want to run the risk of him causing a scene.

‘Dr Mackenzie is with me,’ she informed the nursery nurse who was standing guard at the door. ‘Is it all right if he comes in with me?’

‘So long as he signs the book,’ the girl agreed. ‘Shall I add him to the list of people authorised to see Izzy?’

‘No,’ Lucy said quickly.

‘Yes.’ Connor signed his name, ignoring the furious look she shot at him. He treated the girl to one of his most captivating smiles. ‘If it isn’t too much trouble.’

‘Of course not!’ The young nursery nurse beamed at him. ‘Just fill in this card with your contact details and hand it back to me on your way out. I’ll do the rest.’

‘Thanks.’ Connor pocketed the card then slid his hand under Lucy’s elbow and steered her away from the desk. He shook his head when she opened her mouth to protest. ‘Save it till later. I don’t want Izzy getting upset because she’s seen us fighting.’

Lucy’s lips clamped together. She couldn’t argue with that sentiment, but she resented his high-handed attitude and intended to tell him that as soon as she got the chance.

She shrugged off his hand as they entered the main section of the crèche, which had once housed the physiotherapy department’s gymnasium. It had been transformed into an attractive play area now, complete with a large plastic slide and shelves full of toys. A separate room had been set aside for the babies so she went straight there, her face breaking into a smile when she saw Izzy sitting on a rug in the corner. The little girl was happily beating a plastic saucepan with a wooden spoon and Lucy felt a rush of love assail her as she knelt down beside her.

‘Hello, darling. Are you having a lovely time?’

Izzy immediately dropped the spoon and held out her arms to be picked up. Lucy lifted her into the air and blew a raspberry on her tummy, feeling her eyes fill with tears as she inhaled the familiar scent of baby powder. Today had been the first time they’d been apart since Izzy had been born and she had missed her so much.

‘Aren’t you going to introduce us?’

She looked round when Connor spoke and maybe it was because she was already feeling so emotional that a lump came to her throat when she saw the expression on his face. He was staring at Izzy with such wonderment that the coldest heart would have melted.

All of a sudden she felt ashamed of her decision to keep Izzy’s existence a secret from him. At the time it had seemed like the right thing to do but it no longer felt that way. And yet if she accepted Connor’s role in her daughter’s life, she would have to accept him as part of her life, too. Could she cope with being around him on that basis? Or would the strain prove too much?

Her heart began to race but there was no way that she could avoid the truth any longer. She still loved Connor, even though she knew that he had never really loved her.




CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_9ad40183-d9f2-57f5-b8cc-4302e1bf121c)


‘HELLO, Izzy.’

Connor could barely speak for the wealth of emotions that had hit him the moment he’d seen the child. It was strange because he’d never imagined he would experience such an intense reaction. He’d expected to feel something akin to what he felt for the children he treated—he wanted to care for them and make then better—but this was so much more. He couldn’t seem to drag his eyes away from her as he crouched down beside her and took stock of every tiny detail.

She had dark hair just like his, he realised in amazement. And huge green eyes, also like his. The rest of her features were exactly like Lucy’s, from the delicately arched brows to the sweet little rosebud mouth. He was suddenly struck by the sheer wonder of what they’d done by creating this tiny human being. Izzy had inherited bits of him and bits of Lucy, and the thought that their love-making had resulted in something so perfect shook him to the very core of his being. And yet, was it really so surprising?

His gaze moved to Lucy and pain gripped him as the memories came rushing back. Making love with Lucy had always been a magical experience. He’d had his share of relationships before they’d met, but what he’d felt for her had been far more profound than anything he had experienced before.

It was the reason why he’d taken the job in Boston, in fact. He had always planned on spending another year in Dalverston but he’d realised that he had been getting too involved with her and had been afraid that his career would suffer because of it. Moving to Boston had been the sensible thing to do, yet all of a sudden he found himself wondering if there were more important things than a career—like people to love and who would love him in return. Surely they mattered far more than a job?

Connor took a deep breath. It was only natural that he should feel unsettled, but he mustn’t allow it to throw him off course. He tickled Izzy’s hand and laughed when she immediately grabbed hold of his fingers. ‘She doesn’t seem worried about having a stranger touching her.’

‘She’s not reached the clingy stage yet,’ Lucy replied coldly, and he sighed. It was obvious from her tone that she was still angry with him.

‘Something to look forward to,’ he said lightly. He didn’t want her to think that it bothered him to be persona non grata in her eyes.

The thought touched an already sensitive nerve and he stood up. He’d spent far too much of his childhood feeling like an outsider to enjoy re-enacting the experience. Lucy started to get up as well and he automatically offered her his hand but she ignored him as she settled the baby onto her hip.

Connor forbore to say anything as he followed her from the room. If there were battles to be fought, he would save his energy until it was needed. However, she didn’t know him very well if she thought that he would back down in the face of her continued hostility.

The same nursery nurse was on duty at the door and he groaned when he remembered the registration card.

‘I’ve forgotten to fill in that card you gave me. Can I let you have it the next time I come?’ he offered, pausing by the reception desk. Lucy didn’t stop to wait for him and he saw the young woman frown as she watched her hurrying away.

‘Yes, if Miss Adams is with you to authorise it,’ she agreed, guardedly. ‘We have a strict rule that either a parent or a guardian must be present whenever anyone’s name is added to the register. It saves any confusion about who can and can’t remove a child from the crèche.’

‘I understand,’ he said grimly because he didn’t like being made to feel as though he was doing something wrong by wanting to see his own daughter.

He left the crèche and followed Lucy across the foyer, finally catching up with her as she was about to leave the building. It was pouring down with rain and he could see the problem she was having, trying to open her umbrella while holding onto Izzy.

‘Here, let me hold her while you do that,’ he offered, reaching out to take the baby from her.

‘I can manage,’ she snapped, moving Izzy out of his reach.

Connor swore under his breath. He was fast reaching the end of his patience. ‘I was only offering to hold her. I wasn’t trying to abduct her, although it might not be such a bad idea. The poor kid will be a nervous wreck if you react like that every time I go near her.’

‘Then maybe you should leave us alone.’ She’d finally managed to open the umbrella and she glared at him as she moved off the step. ‘Izzy and I don’t need your help. We can manage perfectly well on our own.’

‘You really think so?’ He followed her across the car park, his mood not improved by the fact that he was getting soaked. The temperature in Boston had been in the high eighties when he’d left so he’d never thought to pack a raincoat. It was with the rest of his belongings that were waiting to be shipped over to England. ‘You honestly think you can be both a mother and a father to her, do you?’

‘Yes!’ She glared at him as she stopped beside an elderly Ford Fiesta and unlocked the door. ‘So if you came here full of noble intentions about taking care of us, you can forget them, Connor. I don’t want you interfering in Izzy’s life. I’m perfectly capable of looking after her all by myself!’

‘Maybe you are, but what you want isn’t the issue,’ he replied tersely, wondering how they’d reached this point so quickly. Even though he’d been furious with her for cutting him out of his daughter’s life, he’d sworn he would handle the situation calmly and with diplomacy. However, all his good intentions had disappeared when he’d heard her making those less-than-flattering remarks about him earlier in the day.

‘It’s what’s best for Izzy that matters, not your feelings or mine. She’s the important one in all of this, the one who stands to get hurt if you refuse to see sense.’ There was a definite bite in his voice now. It was galling to realise that he’d been upset by what she’d said. He’d always believed that he was inured against other people’s opinions, but Lucy’s opinion of him seemed to matter an awful lot.

‘It’s Izzy I’m thinking about,’ she retorted, bending down to strap the baby into the car seat and obviously forgetting that she still had hold of the umbrella.

Connor sighed when a shower of rainwater cascaded over him. ‘Why don’t you give me that before you do some real damage with it? Even you can’t manage to hold an umbrella and strap a baby into that seat.’

Her brown eyes flashed as he took the umbrella out of her hand but she must have decided it was easier not to argue with him. Connor held the umbrella so that it shielded her from the rain while she strapped Izzy into the seat. He handed it back to her once she’d finished, one dark brow arching when she grudgingly thanked him.

‘See? It wasn’t that difficult to do what I suggested, was it?’

‘Meaning that I should always follow your suggestions? I don’t think so.’

She opened the driver’s door but he put out his hand as she went to get into the car. ‘Why not, if they make sense? Or are you so determined to pay me back for wanting to get to know my own child that you’d do anything to spite me?’

‘I don’t give a damn about you, Connor! I’m not interested in paying you back or being spiteful. The only person I care about is Izzy and I won’t have you breaking her heart!’

‘Breaking her heart?’ he repeated, knowing that he must sound as shocked as he felt. He gripped hold of the door when she tried to wrench it out of his grasp. ‘You’re not going anywhere until you explain what you meant by that. Why on earth would I want to break my own daughter’s heart?’

‘Because it’s what will happen if she gets in the way of your precious career. Oh, you might think that you want to play the doting father at the moment, but what’s going to happen in a few months’ time when you realise that having a child means having a lot of extra responsibilities? Which will come first then, Connor—your career or your daughter?’

‘That’s ridiculous,’ he protested, but she didn’t allow him to finish.

‘No, it’s the truth. Everything you do is geared to one thing and one thing only: your career. You don’t have time for anything else, so do you really think it’s fair to upset Izzy’s life on a whim?’

‘It isn’t a whim! And I have no intention of upsetting her life. I plan on being a proper father to her and nothing you can say will make me change my mind about that.’

He glanced round as a car further along the row started up. There were a lot of staff leaving at the end of their shifts and he realised they couldn’t continue the discussion when they might be overheard. He had no intention of trying to hide the fact that he was Izzy’s father, but they needed to sort this out in private, although any hopes he’d had of reaching an agreement with Lucy were rapidly disappearing.

‘We need to talk about this and we can’t do it here,’ he said bluntly, trying not to think about what had led her to have such a low opinion of him. He’d always prided himself on his honesty and had never made any secret of the fact that he hadn’t been looking for commitment so why was she behaving as though he’d let her down?

He hurried on because he didn’t know how to deal with all these new and strange emotions that kept assailing him. ‘What time does Izzy go to bed?’

‘I don’t have time to talk to you tonight or any other night, for that matter,’ she declared, but he was in no mood to placate her.

‘Then I suggest you make time, because I’m not prepared to wait until you decide that you do feel like talking to me.’ He stared back at her, feeling his heart ache when he saw the fear that flickered in her soft brown eyes.

‘She usually goes to bed at seven. Leave it until after then so you don’t upset her routine.’

‘Let’s make it seven-thirty,’ he said gruffly, feeling like a heel for scaring her. ‘Are you still living in the same place?’

‘No. I moved out of there before Izzy was born.’

She told him her new address then got into the car. Connor didn’t say anything else as she closed the door. Apologising would have put him in a very vulnerable position and she had to believe that he was serious about this or she would do her best to cut him out of Izzy’s life.

It was still pouring down with rain as he walked back across the car park and the weather seemed to mirror his dejection at the way things had gone. He’d handled the situation very badly and he would have to try a lot harder in the future if he wasn’t going to alienate Lucy.

He sighed. Despite what he’d told her, he didn’t want to have to resort to a messy court hearing to gain access to Izzy. He would much prefer it if they could reach an agreement by themselves although if he couldn’t make Lucy see sense, he might not have any option except to apply to the courts.

The thought of the heartache that would cause was very hard to deal with. His spirits had sunk to an all-time low by the time he reached the paediatric unit. He could barely raise a smile when he met Bea Francis in the corridor and saw her surprise at his bedraggled state.

‘I’d forgotten about the joys of a British summer.’

‘So it would appear.’ She grinned at him. ‘So much for Lucy’s theory that you came back because you were missing our glorious weather!’

Connor drummed up a smile but it hurt to know that Lucy preferred to joke about the reason for his return rather than admit the truth. She was determined that no one would find out that he was Izzy’s father and he knew how difficult it was going to be to change her mind. It was a relief when Bea asked him if he’d take a look a Sophie Fisher because it was easier to focus on work than his own problems.

He quickly changed into a clean set of scrubs then made his way to the high-dependency unit. Dee was there and he could tell immediately that she wasn’t happy about the little girl’s condition. He checked the ECG tracing and understood immediately why she was so concerned. Sophie was exhibiting clear signs of ventricular fibrillation—rapid, uncoordinated and ineffective heart contractions. It was a common complication of myocardial infarction and although it could be successfully resolved by the use of drugs in many cases, the drugs weren’t working in this instance.

‘She’ll need cardioversion. I can do it here but I need to inform her parents first about what’s happening.’

‘They’re in the relatives’ room,’ Dee told him.

‘I’ll have a word with them and come straight back.’

Connor left the room and went to find the child’s parents. He waved them back to their seats and pulled up a chair, knowing how difficult this would be for them. ‘My name is Connor Mackenzie and I’m the new head of the paediatric unit,’ he told them, keeping the introductions brief. ‘I’m afraid that Sophie isn’t responding as well as we’d hoped she would to the drugs that were meant to settle her heart back into its proper rhythm.’

‘So what’s going to happen?’ Mrs Fisher asked anxiously.

‘I’ll have to perform cardioversion to restore her heart’s natural rhythm.’

‘Cardioversion? I’m sorry, Dr Mackenzie, but you’ve lost me.’ Mr Fisher leant forward in his seat and Connor could see the fear in his eyes. ‘It’s not another operation, is it? Sophie was fine until they took her to that theatre.’

‘No, it’s not an operation and we’ll be able to do it right here in the high-dependency unit.’

He smiled reassuringly, thinking about all the times he’d been in this position. Reassuring parents was all part of his job and he’d always prided himself on his caring yet straightforward approach. However, he’d never fully appreciated before how stressful it must be for them to have to entrust their child to a stranger. All of a sudden, it was as though he could feel the Fishers’ fear, and it shocked him that he could empathise with them to such an extent.

‘It’s quite a simple procedure. I’ll administer a brief electric shock to Sophie’s heart. It’s done by placing two special metal paddles on the chest wall, one below her right clavicle—her collar-bone—and the other just about here…’ he pointed to his own chest ‘…over the cardiac apex. The sudden burst of electricity should restore her heart’s natural rhythm.’

‘And you’re sure it will work?’ Mrs Fisher asked desperately. ‘Sophie will be all right, won’t she?’

‘I’m very hopeful about the outcome,’ Connor said gently, wishing he could give the poor woman a cast-iron guarantee. It simply wasn’t possible to do that so he smiled at the couple as he stood up. ‘I’ll come back to see you as soon as it’s over, so try not to worry too much.’

It was the same advice he’d given to hundreds of parents over the years but as he made his way back to the high-dependency unit, he found himself wondering how he would react if Izzy was about to undergo the procedure. It didn’t bear thinking about, and it made him see that his life as he’d known it had changed for ever. Now that he had a child of his own, he would find it far more difficult to keep a rein on his emotions.

Just for a moment, he found himself wondering if he’d been right to come back to Dalverston to claim his daughter. What if he couldn’t handle the responsibility of being a parent, as Lucy had said? He didn’t want to hurt Izzy—it was the last thing he wanted to do! But how could he be sure that he would be a good father to Izzy when he had no real experience of what a parent was supposed to do? What if all his good intentions weren’t enough, and he ended up making a mess of things?

Connor took a deep breath. This was neither the time nor the place to worry about that. Right now he had to concentrate on what he did best—and save a child’s life.

It was well past seven before Lucy managed to get Izzy to sleep. Normally she had no problem settling the little girl down for the night but the change to her daily routine had obviously unsettled her.

She tiptoed from the bedroom, sighing when she saw all the toys that were strewn around the sitting-room. It had been a mad dash to get ready that morning for work. She had been intending to clear up as soon as she’d got home but she’d not had a chance because Izzy had been so fretful. However, she certainly didn’t want Connor to see the flat in this state or he really would think that she couldn’t cope!

She had just started to clear up the toys when the doorbell rang and she groaned. It was typical bad luck that he should be early when she’d wanted to be all prepared before he arrived. She went to let him in, trying to ignore the jolt her heart gave when he brushed against her as he stepped into the hall. Allowing herself to think of Connor as anything more than a threat would be a big mistake.

‘You’re early,’ she said sharply, leading the way into the sitting-room.

‘Am I?’ He checked his watch and shrugged. ‘What’s five minutes between friends?’

Lucy forbore to say anything but if he’d been trying to goad her by that comment, he’d succeeded. They weren’t friends and never would be now! Her heart suddenly lurched and she quickly battened it down. It wouldn’t help to start remembering what they had been once upon a time.

‘It looks like a tornado has hit this place.’ He smiled as he looked around the room. ‘You were always such a neat freak, too, Lucy. You used to get all uptight if I left anything out of place when I stayed overnight.’

‘Did I? I’m afraid I don’t remember.’

She bent down and quickly gathered up a handful of building blocks, refusing to be drawn into a discussion about the past. It didn’t matter what had happened then because it was all over and done with. She and Connor no longer shared their lives. The only link between them now was Izzy and if she had her way, it was a link that would be severed as soon as possible.

‘Don’t you? How strange.’ He crouched down beside her and picked up a stuffed rabbit which had one eye missing. He tossed it into the toy box then glanced at her. ‘I remember it all, Lucy, all the fun we had, all the laughter…everything.’

‘Then your memory must be better than mine obviously is.’

She stood up abruptly, unsure why he was going down this route. Did he think that he could soften her up by telling her that he remembered the time they’d spent together? They had gone out together for six months and it had been a happy time, too, probably the best time in her entire life. But if it had really meant anything to him then he would never have left her, would he?

The thought brought a rush of emotions with it and she turned away, terrified that he would see how vulnerable she felt. She’d tried her best to get over him so she could make a life for herself and Izzy, but there was no point pretending that he didn’t still have the power to affect her.

‘I’ll make some coffee,’ she said, heading towards the tiny kitchen.

‘That would be great. Thanks.’

Lucy went into the kitchen and filled the kettle then stood there while the water boiled. She couldn’t face going back until she had herself under control again. Connor might be making an effort to appear friendly but she mustn’t be fooled into thinking that it meant he would give up his quest to play a part in Izzy’s life. Once he made up his mind, he rarely changed it, so all she could do now was to protect her daughter the best way she could. He wasn’t going to break Izzy’s heart as he had broken hers.




CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_00155329-a2f4-5957-8c3b-5b63fc6e0287)


‘THANKS.’

Connor took the mug of coffee that Lucy offered him and sat down. Now that the time had come to talk, he wasn’t sure how to begin. He didn’t want to antagonise her, but he needed to make it clear that he was determined to play an active part in Izzy’s life—with or without her consent. Her main objection seemed to stem from the fear that he would grow tired of the responsibility of being a father, so maybe he should try to reassure that he had given the situation a lot of careful thought.

‘I know it must have been a shock for you when I turned up today,’ he said, easing himself into the conversation. ‘With the benefit of hindsight, I can see that I should have got in touch with you before I left Boston.’

‘It would have been less stressful for both of us if you had done,’ she said coolly, sitting down.

Connor might have believed that she was completely in control of herself if he hadn’t noticed the way her hands trembled as she lifted the cup of coffee to her lips. His heart contracted when he realised that her composure was merely a façade. Inside, Lucy was terrified about what was happening and he hated having to put her through such an ordeal. But he didn’t have a choice. He intended to be there for Izzy, no matter what it cost him or Lucy to achieve his objective.

‘It would. And I can only apologise that I didn’t realise it sooner.’ He shrugged. It wouldn’t help his case if he let her see how nervous he felt, too. ‘However, what’s done is done and there’s no point sitting here bewailing the fact. What we have to decide now is which way we’re going to handle this. I suppose it’s a case of sorting out the logistics.’

‘Logistics?’ Lucy put her cup on the table and stared at him. ‘I’m not sure what you mean by that.’

‘Obviously, we need to work out a rota for when I can see Izzy. And when she gets a bit older then we’ll have to decide how often she can stay with me—’

‘Stay with you!’ She leapt to her feet and he saw all the colour drain from her face. ‘You really think that I’m just going to hand her over to you?’

‘Of course not. But there is no reason why she can’t stay with me, is there?’ Connor deliberately moderated his tone. They would get nowhere if they kept arguing and he had to do all he could to keep things calm. However, it seemed that Lucy had other ideas as she rounded on him.

‘There is no way that I am allowing Izzy to stay with you! Quite apart from the fact that she doesn’t even know you, I don’t trust you to take proper care of her!’

‘I’m her father. And I think that gives me certain rights, including the right to look after her,’ he snapped, stung by the comment. ‘Izzy won’t come to any harm when she’s with me and I resent you suggesting that she will.’

‘And what happens if there’s some sort of emergency at work while you’re looking after her? What do you propose to do then? Phone up the hospital and say that you’re very sorry but you can’t respond? I don’t think so, do you?’

She laughed scornfully, the colour rushing back to her face as quickly as it had left it. Connor felt his pulse leap as it struck him how beautiful she looked with her eyes ablaze and her cheeks all rosy like that. She had always possessed a delicate beauty which had never failed to stir him, but this new, feisty Lucy was even more beguiling. It was an effort to drive the thought from his mind but he needed to focus on more important issues now.

‘If I was taking care of Izzy then obviously I would have to make provision if I was called out. I wouldn’t just abandon her, if that’s what you’re suggesting.’

‘And I’m supposed to be happy with that, am I? You would, quote, make provision for her? Well, I’m sorry, Connor, but that’s just not good enough. Izzy isn’t a parcel that you can hand over to someone else whenever you choose. She needs people who will always be there for her, and not just when it’s convenient. Looking after a child means putting them first and everything else second, and I just don’t think you’re capable of doing that.’

‘You have no idea what I’m capable of!’ He stood up as well, incensed by her refusal to believe him. Maybe he hadn’t explained things very well but there was no question of him treating Izzy like a parcel!

‘That’s where you’re wrong. I know exactly what you’re like. We were together for six months, don’t forget, and not once during that time did you let anything come before your job.’

She didn’t back down and it was the fact that she wasn’t prepared to meet him halfway that hurt most of all. Lucy must have a really poor opinion of him if she wouldn’t accept that he truly cared about his own daughter.

‘Maybe I didn’t, but that was then and this is now.’ His tone was harsh but it was the only way he knew how to hide this pain he was feeling. The fact that Lucy didn’t consider him fit to take care of their child hurt unbearably.

‘Meaning that I would always have come second to your job?’

The hurt in her voice was almost his undoing. Connor longed to tell her that it wasn’t true, but it would have been a lie. His job had always come first and there was no point wishing that he’d done things differently now. However, Lucy had no idea how hard it had been to stick to the decision he’d made to concentrate exclusively on his career while they had been together.

‘If you want to put it that way then, yes, I suppose you could say that. I never made any secret of the fact that I was ambitious, did I, Lucy?’

‘No, you certainly didn’t.’ She gave a brittle laugh as she sat down. ‘I have to give you full marks for honesty, Connor. I was never in any doubt that our relationship had an expiry date stamped on it.’

He wasn’t sure if he liked that assessment of his actions but it seemed pointless to argue about it. He sat down and picked up his cup, giving himself a breathing space while he tried to decide what to do. He needed to convince Lucy that he could be trusted to look after Izzy and it wasn’t going to be an easy task from the look of it.

‘Look, Connor, we can argue about this all night but you aren’t going to change my mind. I am prepared to let you see Izzy but that’s all. There is no way that I will allow her to stay with you. For heaven’s sake, I don’t even know where you live!’

‘I’ve rented a flat in that new complex near the business park. It wouldn’t have been my first choice because it’s too far from the hospital, but it was the best I could find at short notice.’

‘I know where you mean. I looked at one of those flats myself but it was too expensive for me. Mum and Dad offered to help me with the rent but it wouldn’t have been fair to expect them to subsidise me. Dad’s hoping to retire this year and they’ll need every penny.’

‘Why did you decide to move out of your old flat?’ he asked, feeling the same ambivalence he’d always felt whenever she’d spoken about her family. He knew how close Lucy was to her parents and her two older sisters, although he had never met them. He had deliberately kept his distance and had refused whenever she’d invited him to any family functions. Getting to know her family would have made it that much harder for her when they’d parted, and he’d wanted to protect her as much as he could. Or that had been what he’d told himself.

Now he found himself wondering if he’d really been protecting himself. Lucy had always had a hold over him, and he’d realised at the start of their relationship how dangerous it would be to get too deeply involved with her.

‘It all came down to money again. The rent was just too much for me once I left work. Added to that, the lift kept breaking down all the time. It would have been a nightmare trying to drag a pram up all those stairs.’

‘I never thought about that,’ he said softly, trying not to dwell on the thought of his own vulnerability. He’d made a vow many years ago that he would live his life the way he chose to live it, but now he could see that a lot of the decisions he’d made in the last year had been influenced by Lucy. It was an effort to focus on what she had said and he frowned because it was the second time she’d mentioned that she hadn’t been able to afford the rent. He couldn’t help feeling guilty at the thought of her struggling to pay her way while she’d been expecting their child.




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