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A Precious Gift
Karen Rose Smith
On the surface, Brian and Carrie Summers had a fairy-tale marriage, but a crisis threatened their otherwise peaceful union. Carrie had never revealed the dark secrets of her past that caused her infertility, and so, exploring the prospects put a strain on their marriage that neither of them had expected.Brian had had an unhappy childhood and believed he needed a child in order to be truly happy. So when he and Carrie seemed to fight more and more, he wondered whether they were meant to be parents after all. In these tough times, could he see that their love was stronger than any obstacle and that his precious wife was all the family he needed?



“We’re going to have a baby, Mrs. Summers.”
Carrie grinned at her husband until the reality hit her. “We have to get ready!” The mother’s due date was in three weeks. “There’s so much to do—a nursery, a layette…”
“We’ll get it done,” Brian said soothingly. “In fact, we can probably get lots of things done in one night. Why don’t you start looking into baby furniture, pick out what you want and we’ll go look at it all together.”
Carrie couldn’t believe Brian was going to be home early enough to spend time with her, shopping, discussing their baby’s birth. This child was going to change their lives…for the better.
When Brian bent his head to kiss her, Carrie felt tears coming to her eyes. His lips were gentle on hers at first, then he deepened the kiss. She felt his intensity and hunger and need.
As he broke away, she felt shaken. “I’m looking forward to tonight.”
“So am I,” Carrie said in response. She could only hope that everything would be okay now, and the problems they’d had in the past would disappear once they held their son.

KAREN ROSE SMITH
Award-winning and bestselling author Karen Rose Smith has seen more than sixty-five novels published since 1992. She grew up in Pennsylvania’s Susquehanna Valley and still lives a stone’s throw away with her husband—who was her college sweetheart—and their two cats. She especially enjoys researching and visiting the West and Southwest, where her latest series of books is set. Readers can receive updates on Karen’s releases and write to her through her Web site at www.karenrosesmith.com or at P.O. Box 1545, Hanover, PA 17331.

A Precious Gift
Karen Rose Smith


www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)

Be a part of


Because birthright has its privileges and family ties run deep.
One woman lived with a secret that threatened her marriage. Would she find the courage to face the man she loved?
Carrie Summers: She had a past she couldn’t share with Brian. With the mounting tension over her inability to conceive, Carrie didn’t know how much more their marriage could take. She just hoped that her precious husband would love her no matter what.
Brian Summers: He loved Carrie so much, and they wanted to have a child together. But infertility issues were taking a heavy toll on their relationship. Could he convince her to trust him—that nothing could change his feelings for her?
A teenager in trouble, Lisa Sanders wanted to help the Summers family. But would she be able to help herself?


To Carolyn, Susan and Edie—my supporters and cheerleaders on this book journey. I’m so glad we’re friends.
To my husband, Steve—thank you.
Love, Karen.

Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Epilogue

One
Carrie Summers paced the blue-and-white tiled general reception area in Children’s Connection. Her husband was fifteen minutes late for their appointment at the agency, and she was afraid that meant Brian had changed his mind about adopting. They’d answered question after question and submitted to a home study that was now finished. This was their last meeting with the caseworker before they were put into the system.
Brian was never late.
He was a man of his word—a man she’d always been able to depend upon. But for the past three years of their five-year marriage, tension had built between them. When they’d married, Carrie had been so in love, so absolutely sure their wedding vows would be everlasting. However, she had a secret, and the repercussions of that secret were pushing them apart.
If only Brian could embrace the idea of an adoption wholeheartedly. If only Brian could accept an adopted child as his own.
“Are you ready?” a deep male voice asked.
She’d been watching the double glass doors leading outside to the unusually sunny January day. Rain always fell on Portland, Oregon, this time of year. Now she swung around and faced the man whose voice always vibrated through her like a heartfelt song.
“Where did you come from?” she asked with a smile, trying to hide her anxiety over his lateness.
“There was something I had to do before this meeting.”
Brian Summers was six foot two, muscular, incredibly fit and more handsome than any man Carrie had ever seen. His thick tawny hair waved over his brow, and he kept it in a clipped style to suit his image—that of a real-estate developer on the go, a millionaire who cared less about his appearance than the powerhouse deals he brokered. When they’d first met, she’d known he’d spoken to her at that cocktail party because she’d looked like the model she’d been. Although her black dress had been demure and classic, his eyes had lingered often on her dark-red hair and the angles of her face, as well as her figure. Their attraction had been mutual, and that night she’d hoped Brian could see beyond her outward appearance. He’d seemed to, and that was why she’d fallen in love with him.
“You’ve had a meeting in the hospital?” Land development deals didn’t usually begin at Portland General.
“No, nothing like that.”
Just then, the door to the inner offices opened and a middle-aged brunette smiled at them. “Are you Carrie and Brian Summers?”
They answered in unison. “Yes.”
“You’ll be meeting with me today.” She extended her hand first to Brian and then to Carrie. “I’m Trina Bentley.”
“We’ve gone through this whole process with Stacy Williams,” Brian said with a frown.
“Yes, I know you have. Stacy’s out with the flu. Since this last meeting is simply a formality, I told her I’d take it for her so we can give you the official okay and find you a baby. Come on back to my office.”
In their first years together, Brian had always been solicitous of Carrie, often showing affection by a touch of his hand on her shoulder, his arm around her waist. They hadn’t touched as much recently, not since the in vitro attempts had failed. Now as they walked side by side, the sleeve of Brian’s suit jacket brushed her arm. She felt the jolt of his close proximity through the sleeve of her cream wool dress.
Everything about Children’s Connection was bright and welcoming, including Trina’s office. It was pale yellow with a bulletin board on one wall covered with pictures of children from infants to teenagers.
The caseworker motioned to the two upholstered chairs in front of her desk. “Have a seat. I promise I’ll make this as painless as possible.”
Carrie stole a glance at Brian. He hadn’t liked discussing the details of his life with a stranger. He was a private man, and he hadn’t appreciated answering questions about his work habits, family history and finances. The poking and prodding into his personal and business life had rankled. Yet today he seemed calmer, more accepting about the whole thing, and Carrie wondered why.
Opening the folder on her desk, Trina glanced over the pages as if she were familiar with them. “I’ve read through everything including the home-study report.” Leaning back in her chair, she focused her hazel eyes on Carrie. “You’ve been through a lot.”
Panicking, Carrie felt her mouth go dry. Could this woman somehow know…?
Trina went on, “You had the procedure to try to unblock your tubes, two in vitro attempts, and I suspect the usual temperature taking and ovulation charts before all this began.”
Carrie nodded.
“You must want a child very much.”
“I—we do.”
Although Trina’s gaze was kindly, she obviously had a mission today as she continued. “As the oldest of four sisters, you did quite a bit of mothering. Some women who have that responsibility thrust on them seem to run in the other direction. But the psychologist’s evaluation suggests that although you haven’t had much practice since then, you’re a nurturing woman who can’t wait to take care of someone again.”
“That’s true,” Carrie agreed honestly.
“She also noted that you haven’t modeled in three years. It seems you’ve filled your time with working for charities, volunteering at the hospital in the children’s ward and being available whenever your husband needs you.”
Now Brian shot Carrie a curious look. They’d interviewed with the psychologist separately as well as together. This had come up during her one-on-one interview.
“Why do you need to be available for your husband?” Trina asked.
Feeling Brian shift in his seat, Carrie knew his gaze was on her. She looked directly at Trina. “Brian has a lot of social contact with clients. We often give cocktail parties and dinners, and sometimes I go out of town with him.”
“Carrie has always been an asset,” Brian interjected. “She’s good at public relations and is easy to talk to.” His tone was even, but there was an edge to it, and Carrie knew he wondered where this was going.
“I see,” Trina mused. “I guess I’m concerned how you’ll feel about that when a child is demanding her attention and she can’t fly out of town, or maybe even hostess a dinner.”
The statement was akin to a grumble of thunder when the sky was still fair.
Finally Brian replied, “Dinners and parties are often held when a child would be asleep.”
“But children don’t always stay asleep, and they can be as unpredictable as the weather. I suppose I’m just wondering how you’ll cope with that.”
Carrie could practically see Brian’s shoulders tense as he replied, “Miss Bentley, I don’t know exactly how we’ll deal with that, but we will deal with it. I want a child as much as Carrie does. No couple knows for certain how their lives will be impacted by a baby. I can assure you a child of ours will always have the attention and care it needs.”
“When we began evaluating you as future parents, I think you had some doubts about adopting, didn’t you, Mr. Summers?”
This woman was obviously leaving no stone unturned. Carrie’s heart sped up.
“Yes, I did,” Brian answered honestly. “Family has always been important to me, and I always imagined I’d have three or four kids.”
“You grew up with your father.”
Carrie held her breath, waiting for Brian’s reaction. His childhood with Dutch Summers had been a difficult one. Dutch hadn’t held one job any length of time or brought home a paycheck often. Usually he gambled it away.
“Yes.” Brian’s quick answer said he didn’t want to go into all of this again.
But Trina didn’t take the hint. “Your mother abandoned you and your father when you were seven. Miss Williams’s report states your mother contacted you shortly after you were married but you have no contact with her now.”
“That’s right.”
“There are notes here that the noncontact is your choice. Can you tell me why?”
“I told Stacy why,” he responded gruffly.
“I know these questions seem prying, Mr. Summers, but extended family is important to children, too—grandmothers, grandfathers, cousins, uncles, aunts. Your wife’s family is still very much connected, but your father has passed on and your mother’s not in your life. Do you see that changing?”
“I don’t see it changing, at least not right now. My mother left and didn’t call or write for twenty-two years. If we make contact and try to start over, she could drop out of my life and a child’s again. As you said, my wife is still close to her family. We would have an extended family.”
Addressing Carrie, the caseworker asked, “How do you feel about your husband’s lack of a relationship with his mother?”
Carrie was still close to her family, but her own relationship with her mom and dad was complicated, more so than even Brian realized. “I trust Brian’s judgment,” she said simply.
When Brian leaned forward, Carrie could feel the intensity in him. “I was almost late to this meeting because I made a stop at the hospital nursery to have a look at the babies. I’ve always dreamed of having a family because mine wasn’t ideal. I never expected that would mean adopting a child. But as I stood there looking at the infants and their little hands, their big eyes, some of them crying, I knew I wanted a child with Carrie. If that means adoption, that’s what we’ll do.”
Turning to his wife, he took her hand in his. “We’ll have the family we’ve always wanted.”
The tenderness in Brian’s voice gave Carrie more hope than she’d had in months. For so long, she’d felt she was losing him. She couldn’t tell Brian what had caused her infertility problems. If she did, he’d walk away…as Foster had. However, if they adopted, her secret would be safe and their marriage could become strong again.
Tears pricked in her eyes and Brian saw them. He squeezed her hand.
Their interview went smoothly after that. After they signed more papers, Trina assured them they’d be in the system by noon. If a birth mother chose them, she’d notify them immediately.
When Carrie emerged into the lobby again with Brian, her heart felt lighter than it had in years. She knew babies didn’t “fix” marriages, yet their only problem had been her inability to bear children. This morning she’d almost felt close to her husband again, and that was what a baby was going to do for them—bring them even closer.
They stopped by the coatrack in the reception area and Carrie took her off-white winter coat from the wooden hanger. By her side, Brian lifted it from her hands and held it. When their gazes collided, she acknowledged again the one element that had drawn them together since the night they’d met—their attraction to each other. As she slipped one arm into the sleeve, Brian dipped his head and his lips were very close to her temple. His aftershave smelled of pine and woods, and a small tremble shimmered through her. She thought about tonight, holding each other, giving in to passion that never diminished between them no matter what else was happening.
As he helped her with her other sleeve, she asked hopefully, “Will you be home for dinner?”
Before Brian could answer, a lean man approached them. Everett Baker was an accountant for Children’s Connection. Carrie had seen him now and then in the halls of the adoption agency, which was an annex to Portland General. A nurse who worked in the emergency room, Nancy Allen, often visited the children in pediatrics when Carrie volunteered there, and they’d become friends. Nancy and Everett seemed to have a friendship, if not more than that. She’d introduced Everett to Carrie soon after he’d taken a job at Children’s Connection. While Nancy was warm, outgoing and definitely an extrovert, Everett was the opposite—reserved, almost shy. But he was good-looking with a square jaw, dark-brown hair and eyes. He’d never approached Carrie on his own before, though. He’d always hung back and let Nancy do the talking.
Now he looked purposeful as he came up to them. “Mrs. Summers,” he said with a half smile.
“It’s Carrie, Everett. I don’t think you’ve met my husband, Brian.”
The two men shook hands. Afterward Everett shifted on his feet as if he were uncomfortable, but then he began, “I don’t want to hold you up. But Nancy told me you and your husband were thinking about adopting a child.”
Their intentions to adopt weren’t a secret, and Carrie had told Nancy about them a few weeks ago.
“We just finished with the final interview,” Brian said. In his voice, Carrie could tell there was curiosity as to why Everett Baker was interested in what they were doing.
With a quick look over his shoulder to the adoption agency offices where no one was visible, Everett continued. “I know how long the adoption process can take. When Nancy told me you were seriously interested, I thought I might help out. I have a friend who knows a lawyer and he can make private adoptions happen faster. If you’re interested in adopting out of the system, it would be something to think about.”
One look at Brian’s face and Carrie knew what he was thinking. Her husband was a by-the-book kind of guy and would have made a great police officer as he seemed to separate black from white easily, much more easily than she could.
Speaking for both of them, Brian handled the offer casually. “Carrie and I will think about it. This is an important step in our lives. Thank you for trying to help us.”
Although this discussion was serious, Carrie almost smiled. Brian was so good at handling delicate situations. He’d managed to give Everett Baker a don’t-callus, we’ll-call-you message without being rude.
“I know adoption is serious,” Everett agreed. “Babies are serious.” He looked troubled, and then the shadows passed from his eyes as he handed Carrie a business card. “You can reach me any time at that number.”
“Thank you.” Carrie tucked his card into her purse.
As soon as Everett walked away, Brian shook his head. “I don’t like the idea of going outside of a reputable adoption center.”
“I agree…for now. Let’s just see what happens in the next few months. If it goes a really long time and we haven’t heard anything or been chosen by a birth mother, maybe we’ll want to call Everett then.”
When Brian turned to face her, Carrie could see he’d already dismissed the encounter with Everett as well as the idea of a private adoption. “You asked me if I’ll be home for dinner. I won’t be. I have a meeting at the Hilton.” Apparently she couldn’t hide her disappointment because he went on, “I’ll try to be home before midnight.”
Carrie knew if Brian said he’d be home before midnight, he would be.
Her husband looked as if he wanted to say more, maybe do more. Public displays of affection had gone the way of holding hands and kissing in the car at stoplights. But as if he needed some type of contact between them as much as she did, he slid his forefinger along a wave of her auburn hair that had gotten caught under her coat. Gently he pulled it free and then stepped away.
“I’ll see you tonight.” His voice was low and husky, making her wonder if the pictures running through her head were running through his.
“Tonight,” she murmured.
A few moments later, Brian strode toward the parking garage, and she headed for the hospital. She loved reading stories to the children in pediatrics and today was her day to volunteer there. The time would pass quickly, and maybe at the end of the day she’d look at baby furniture before returning home to her big, beautiful empty house. Soon it wouldn’t be empty.
Soon, she and Brian would have the family they’d always wanted.

At eleven forty-five, Brian entered his kitchen after resetting the security system. Carrie was obsessive about it. If he slid into bed without waking her, he often heard her in the middle of the night going downstairs to check it. The few times he’d questioned her about it, she’d simply said she felt safer when she was sure it was on.
Striding down a hall, Brian bypassed the first floor spare bedroom and stopped in his den. After he set his briefcase on his desk, he hit a button on the computer, saw that he had no pressing e-mails, and headed for the second floor.
The house he’d bought after he and Carrie had married projected traditional charm. When he’d shown it to Carrie for the first time, she’d just kept saying, “It’s so big!”
It wasn’t that big. The two-story foyer opened into a dining room on the right and a living room on the left. A corridor to the left of the stairs led to his den and a guest bedroom. Pocket doors separated the living room from a great room, and beyond the great room’s French doors, outdoor floodlights beamed along a path leading to a gazebo-enclosed hot tub. He’d always envisioned three or four kids playing in the family room and in the yard. His gut still twisted when he thought about not being able to have kids of their own. Yet watching those babies in the nursery today…
He mounted the stairs, remembering the two-bed-room box house he’d grown up in. His father had lived there until he’d died two years ago, refusing to let Brian move him anywhere bigger. Carrie’s background had been even poorer than his own because her father had been disabled from a logging accident and her mother was unskilled. They’d been on and off welfare until Carrie had begun modeling. After Carrie’s mom had sent her daughter’s picture to a contest in a magazine, their lives had changed drastically.
The first night he’d met Carrie, he’d been bowled over by her—her beautiful long, wavy auburn hair and porcelain skin, her big brown eyes that seemed to see into his soul. She’d looked so sophisticated and been so poised and well-spoken that he’d never suspected her background had been similar to his.
Moonlight flowed through a skylight in the hall as Brian reached the top of the stairs. Their bedroom door was invitingly ajar and a dim light glowed within. When he stepped inside the master suite, his gaze didn’t sway toward the graceful columns that separated the sleeping area from a sitting room with its own fireplace. Rather it swerved unerringly toward the huge, king-sized bed. Although Carrie was five foot eight, with long graceful legs, she still seemed small and fragile in that bed.
Their triple dresser and the almost ceiling-high armoire were simply blurs as Brian quickly undressed and hung his suit in the closet. His wife was sound asleep. He could tell. When she curled on her side like that and tucked her hands under her cheek, she usually didn’t stir. Why should she? It was midnight.
He’d already been at the top of his game when he’d met her and had invested and saved more money than he could ever spend. His first successful land development deal had been followed by another and then another. He’d worked hard, used his intuition as well as his wit. He’d found, bought and sold land from Hawaii to Alaska to the coast of Maine. Although he’d always worked long hours, Carrie had understood the business he was in, knowing his pager could go off at any time or he could be bothered by an international conference call in the middle of the night. Still, during their courtship and the first year of their marriage, they’d had more time for each other. He’d taken her to Aruba and the Caymans. He’d introduced her to Tuscany vineyards and the moors of Cornwall. Sometimes trips were work-related, others they’d stayed in bed as much as they’d seen the sights. But then something had happened.
They couldn’t get pregnant.
Finally they’d both been tested and found Carrie’s tubes were blocked. Knowing how much he’d always wanted a real family, she’d been heartsick. The doctors had offered hope that had withered rather than materialized when the procedure to correct the problem wasn’t successful. Then the in vitro failed, too.
In the past few years, work had taken over more of Brian’s life, and Carrie just seemed to be on the fringes of it. Although the chemistry between them had tumbled them both into a whirlwind courtship and marriage, Brian had always sensed Carrie held part of herself away from him. Much more experienced than she was, at first he’d thought it was an innocent shyness, then a natural reserve that came from her upbringing. But as having a family eluded them month after month, she’d seemed to withdraw more, and he had to admit he’d been in turmoil about all of it, too. When she’d suggested adoption, he hadn’t wanted to consider it. But the tension had grown more palpable between them, and he’d finally agreed to begin the interview process.
Now…
Now as he approached the bed and looked at his wife’s body under the sheet, he realized Carrie wasn’t wearing a nightgown. Usually she did. Usually he enjoyed ridding her of it. The sight of her in the moonlit shadows, the idea of his skin touching hers, aroused him fully.
When she felt his weight on the bed, she came awake as if even in her dreams she’d been waiting for him. Her eyes opened and her hand fluttered out to touch him. It landed lightly on his chest. “I tried to stay awake. What time is it?”
“Midnight.”
“Long day,” she murmured sleepily but then came more awake and smiled at him.
The light, whispery scent of a flowery shampoo seemed to pull him closer to her. Switching off the lamp and angling on his side, he was suddenly overwhelmed by a caveman desire to make her his without gentle kisses and touches, without foreplay, with nothing but mindless need. Yet something had always kept him from doing that. Carrie’s entry into his life had made him notice starlight and sunsets and orchids growing on undeveloped land. She’d awakened a protective instinct in him as well as a primitive one.
When he slid his hand into her hair, she raised her face to his.
“Are you as excited as I am about adopting this baby?” she asked softly.
“I will be. It’s not real yet.”
“It could happen quickly.”
“Or an unwed mother could choose us early in her pregnancy, and we’d go through the whole process with her. It would take months.”
“That might be even more wonderful.”
His wife’s voice was happy with the idea, but Brian knew that that scenario carried its share of hazards. What if the mother changed her mind? What if she gave birth and kept the baby? As far as he was concerned, adoption was filled with land mines. But it was their only option now except for a surrogate, and he believed that would be even more complicated.
“You’re still not sold on adoption, are you?” Carrie’s voice caught with worry.
“I want a family, and I want it with you.” As far as he was concerned, that said it all.
Her eyes became luminous then, and he couldn’t restrain the desire to kiss her. It was hot and deep and wet, and Carrie responded to it by meeting his tongue with hers, wrapping her arms around his neck, moving her body close to his. They usually took it slower but there seemed to be a desperation in both of them tonight. Their touches, kisses and caresses were filled with a yearning he couldn’t define. When he entered her, she clung to him. Their bodies glistened as they climaxed.
When the ripples of pleasure from their lovemaking ended, Brian rolled away from Carrie, physically spent. More than physically spent. Something about their union tonight had shaken him. It was as if they’d been skating on a frozen lake, had felt the ice cracking beneath them, and had held on to each other just the same, denying what was happening.
Carrie slipped her hand into his and they lay there a long time. “Are you awake?” she asked in a whisper.
“Yes.”
“The caterer called today while I was at the hospital to go over the menu for Saturday night. I’ll finalize everything with him tomorrow. We’re still having six guests?”
The dinner they were giving on Saturday would bring together his closest associates and their wives. “Yes, plus the two of us. Do you still want to fly to San Francisco with me on Wednesday to see your sister?”
“If that’s all right with you.”
“I’d like you to have dinner with my client and his wife.”
“That’s fine. Brenda has to go to work at five anyway. I’m hoping if we have a few hours alone, I can convince her to give college another try.”
Carrie’s younger sister Brenda was twenty now. She’d dropped out of Berkeley and an education Carrie had been funding because she’d fallen in love with an L.A. musician. It hadn’t worked out and she was back in San Francisco now working behind the cosmetics counter in a department store. Brian stayed clear of giving advice to Carrie where her family was concerned. He knew nothing about sibling dynamics and when it came to parents… Carrie was polite to hers, the perfect daughter as far as he could see. There seemed to be an invisible wall between Carrie and her mother, though. Maybe he recognized it because he sometimes felt that same wall between Carrie and him.
Suddenly Brian felt restless, much too wired to go to sleep. Sliding his hand from Carrie’s, he moved to the edge of the bed.
“Where are you going?”
“I have work to take care of before we go to San Francisco—a spreadsheet on property assessments.”
His wife was silent and he knew why. Nothing she could say would dissuade him from going to his office downstairs.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” she said softly.
Standing by the side of the bed, he was so tempted to touch her again.
But then she pulled the sheet up to her shoulders and turned over.
Brian snatched up his sweatpants from the bedside chair and left the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Two
“Are you almost ready?” Brian called up the stairs on Wednesday morning.
Lifting her cosmetics case from the dresser, Carrie took a last look in the mirror at her sea-green pantsuit and went into the hall. “I’m ready. Are you in a hurry to get to the airport?”
“I’m initiating a conference call after we get through security. I don’t want to have to rush it.”
Ever since Monday night when Brian had made love to her so passionately, he’d seemed to withdraw. Sometimes she didn’t understand him, and she knew he didn’t always understand her. She marveled how when they’d first met, they’d seemed to be able to read each other’s minds. Where had that ability gone?
“I guess I’d better take along something to read if you’re going to be tied up.” She’d hoped they’d discuss their plans for the baby. She’d hoped—
As she descended the steps, the phone rang. Since Brian was already in the kitchen on his way to the garage with their luggage, she went to the living room and picked up the cordless phone. “Summers residence,” she answered automatically.
“Mrs. Summers, it’s Trina Bentley from Children’s Connection.”
“Hi, Trina. What can I do for you?” The caseworker probably needed yet another signature on something.
“I think I might be able to do something for you.”
Carrie’s heart began to pound. “Do you have a baby?”
Brian had returned from the garage and caught her question to the caseworker. Standing in the doorway, his gaze met hers.
“Not exactly, but a baby could be the end result.”
“I don’t understand.”
Obviously eager to explain, Trina went on, “What we have is an unwed mother who is homeless. Her name is Lisa Sanders. She’s been residing in a shelter for the past month. Yesterday she passed out, and one of her friends called the paramedics. In the emergency room, one of the nurses referred her to a social worker. When Lisa said she wanted to put her baby up for adoption, I was assigned to talk to her.”
“How old is she?” Carrie asked, thinking about how scared the young woman must be without a secure roof over her head.
“Lisa is eighteen and eight months pregnant. She’s been waitressing, but her blood pressure’s elevated. She has to slow down for her health as well as the baby’s. I gave her several portfolios to examine. She chose yours and that’s why I’m calling. As you know, the adopting couple often pays for the medical expenses for the mother of the child they’re going to adopt, and it would be true in Lisa’s case. We also need a couple who is willing to take her in until the baby’s born. Would you consider doing that?”
“I don’t know.” Carrie cast a worried glance at Brian. “We’d definitely be able to adopt?”
There was a short pause. “While Lisa is living with you, she could determine whether you and your husband are her choice to adopt her baby.”
“I see.”
“This isn’t as irregular as it seems, Mrs. Summers. All types of arrangements can be negotiated between mothers giving up their children and the adoptive parents. Do you think you’d be interested?”
Carrie was more than interested. For years she’d acted as a second mother to her three sisters, and she missed taking care of someone. Since she’d stopped modeling, she’d become more involved in volunteer work but there was still a hole in her life that needed to be filled. That hole had grown bigger since Brian’s success took him away from home more and more. Taking care of this teenager could fill some of the emptiness. It could also lead to the end result of becoming a mother.
“I have to talk to my husband about this. We’re on our way to the airport. How soon must I give you a decision?”
“As soon as possible. Lisa’s gone back to the shelter, but we’d like to get her out of there.”
“I’ll talk to Brian now and get back to you.”
“That was Children’s Connection?” he asked, sounding wary as Carrie replaced the cordless phone on its stand.
“Yes, it was Trina. We could have a baby in less than a month!” She couldn’t keep the excitement from her voice. “An eighteen-year-old unwed mother, Lisa Sanders, is living in a shelter and needs a place to stay until she has her baby. She’s chosen us as a possible couple. Isn’t that wonderful?”
His expression and demeanor said that wasn’t his assessment of the situation. “Let me get this straight. A teenager who’s homeless wants to give up her baby. What do you know about her?”
“Not much…yet. But she doesn’t have anywhere to go, Brian.”
“We don’t know where she came from or what she’s been doing. We can’t just bring a stranger into the house.”
“Why not?”
Now he looked at her as if she’d totally lost her mind. “Because she might not be honest, she might do drugs, she might steal. Why is she on the streets? Why is she homeless? You can’t make a decision like this without having the right information.” He checked his watch. “And I don’t have time to get it now. We have a flight to catch.”
Ever since they were married, Carrie had supported Brian’s career. She loved him. If it was in her power, she’d do anything to make him happy. That had included giving up modeling and being available when he needed her. Since she’d learned she couldn’t have children, and since she hadn’t told Brian the real reason, guilt had kept her quiet about his long hours and his reticence to adopt a child as well as about how lonely she was. Now, however, she could envision laughter filling this big house. They had so much…and she’d love to help a young girl in need, not just with a roof over her head, but with emotional support. Carrie remembered how desperately she’d needed that after the rape, after her abortion, after her world had fallen to pieces all around her.
“I want to meet her, Brian.”
“I guess that will have to wait until we get back from San Francisco. Maybe you can make an appointment for Friday.”
“She’s homeless now. She needs a place to stay now.”
His brows drew together at her unexpectedly adamant tone. “I can’t cancel this trip.”
“I’m not asking you to cancel it, but I don’t have to go with you. If I call Brenda and explain, I know she’ll understand. I can see her another time. I can go meet Lisa today.”
“I was counting on you to be at dinner tonight.”
“Is that really necessary? Isn’t adopting a baby more important than showing me off to one of your clients?” As soon as the words were out, she couldn’t believe she’d said them.
“That’s the way you feel about coming to dinner with me?”
Except for keeping her secret, she’d always been honest with Brian and she knew she had to be now. “Sometimes that’s the way I feel. Don’t you see, Brian, that I need to be more than a wife who was once a model, more than a wife who can facilitate conversation and give great parties?”
Her attitude seemed to baffle him. “You picked a great time to bring this up.”
“I’m sorry. I know you have to leave.”
“You’re not coming with me?”
“No. I want to meet this girl. There’s a possibility we could adopt her child, and I want to talk to her today. I don’t want to miss this opportunity. I don’t want us to miss this opportunity.”
Frustration creased his brow. “Fine. You stay. I’ll get your suitcase from the car.”
When he turned to go, she clasped his arm. “You do still want to adopt, don’t you?”
“I want a child, Carrie. That doesn’t mean I want a girl from the streets living here with us to accomplish that.”
When Carrie released her husband’s arm, he strode away.
Why had she said what she had? Why couldn’t she let the meeting wait until Friday?
Because she felt as if a gulf was widening between her and Brian and if she didn’t do something quickly, the distance between them could become permanent.

The instant Carrie laid eyes on Lisa Sanders a few hours later, she thought about catching the next flight to San Francisco and spending the day as she’d first intended. After introducing them to each other, Trina had left them alone.
Lisa was sitting in a chair in front of Trina’s desk. Her hair was short and spiky, half red and half blond. Three earrings decorated both ears. There was a peace sign tattooed on her right wrist and an upside-down mermaid on her left arm. An oversized green T-shirt covered her belly and drooped over her jeans. Her pretty heart-shaped face was marred by green eyeshadow and purple lipstick. Carrie had spotted defiance in her big green eyes as soon as she’d walked into Trina’s office.
Carrie knew what it felt like to be alone and lost and adrift without an anchor. She saw Lisa studying everything about her from her hair to her shoes. All she could do with this teenager was to be herself and hope it was enough.
Sitting across from Lisa in a matching chair, she opened conversation with, “I understand you’re looking for a couple to adopt your baby.”
The teenager’s eyes widened as if she hadn’t expected Carrie to be so forthright. Out of the blue she commented, “You’re pretty. You used to be a model?”
From everything in her and Brian’s file, she hadn’t expected Lisa to ask her about that. “I used to be.”
“Were you a runway model?”
“At the beginning. Then I was offered a contract with Modern Woman Cosmetics.”
“Were you on TV?”
“Yes, I was.”
“Wow. You really made it, then. Why’d you stop?”
“I got married. We wanted to have a family and modeling didn’t fit into that.”
“Your husband made you stop?”
“No. It was my choice. I decided to be a supportive wife, instead of a famous model.” She said it lightly, but she suddenly realized she’d given up a lot of her independence when she’d left her profession.
“I’ve always wanted to model,” Lisa said wistfully. “But now…” She folded her hands over her belly.
Carrie hoped Lisa hadn’t picked her and Brian to talk to and possibly adopt her baby simply because she was interested in Carrie’s past as a model.
“After you have your baby, you can be anything you want.”
“Don’t try to snow me,” Lisa snapped. “We both know a homeless, unwed mother isn’t going to get very far in this world.”
“Don’t be so sure. And don’t underestimate yourself.”
Lisa gave Carrie’s outfit another once-over. “You probably came from a family with plenty of money. What would you know?” she muttered.
After a few moments of debate with herself, Carrie decided to share some of her background. “My parents were on welfare when I was growing up. I know a lot about being poor, Lisa. So does my husband. I sort of fell into modeling. My mother sent my picture into a contest and my career began there. With Brian, he’s worked hard to become successful and he’s done it all on his own.”
When a long silence stretched between them, Carrie asked, “How did you become homeless?”
“I thought you’d ask how I got pregnant.” There was a wryness to Lisa’s tone.
“I think we both know how you did that. I want to know what brought you here and why you want to give up your baby.”
Lisa stood, rubbed the small of her back, went to the window and looked out into the cloudy Portland winter. A stiff January wind was blowing the branches of maples and alders on the hospital complex.
In a monotone, she explained, “My parents were killed in an accident a few years ago. The only family I had left was Aunt Edna. She lived in Seattle and that’s where they sent me.”
“You were from Portland?”
“Yeah. I grew up here, but I couldn’t stay. Our house was sold and they gave the money to my aunt to take care of me. Only she didn’t. All she cared about were her soap operas. She went to bed at nine o’clock every night and thought I should get up with her at six in the morning. I hated living there. That’s why I spent so much time with Thad. I thought he was cool. I thought he cared about me—”
Her voice broke off and Carrie felt so sorry for her.
Lisa composed herself and said bitterly, “He cared about one thing. That’s all that was ever on his mind. I thought it meant he loved me. Love didn’t have anything to do with it.”
“I’m sure he must have cared—”
Lisa cut her off. “He cared so much, he told me he’d never admit to being the father. He said he’d tell everybody that I slept around. He said he had plans to get drafted by the NFL and no girl or baby was going to change that.”
“So you ran?” Carrie guessed.
“I didn’t run, I escaped. After graduation, I came back to Portland, got a room and a job waitressing. But I had morning sickness really bad and I couldn’t work all my shifts. I couldn’t pay for the room so they kicked me out. I learned how to get along,” she insisted, her chin going up as she looked at Carrie now. “I’m eighteen and no one can tell me what to do.”
“Do you want to give your baby up or do you feel you have to?”
The question seemed to perplex the teenager. “I don’t want this kid. I don’t want it to remind me how stupid I was. I don’t want to have to take care of it twenty-four hours a day for the rest of its life.”
“You might change your mind once you see your baby.”
“I won’t change my mind. I know I’ll never get anywhere if I have to drag a kid along.”
Lisa’s words were tough, but Carrie didn’t believe the girl was that tough. She just tried to make the world think she was.
“I want to be a mother more than I want anything,” Carrie admitted.
“And I want to know my baby’s going to a good home. Why didn’t your husband come with you?”
“He had to fly to San Francisco today on business. I came to meet you.”
Thinking about holding a baby in her arms, Carrie felt her heartbeats race with one another. Before she could catch the words, they soared out of her mouth. “How would you like to come live with us until you deliver? That way, you can decide if we’re the couple you want to adopt your baby.”
Now Carrie’s stomach somersaulted. What was Brian going to say if Lisa accepted?

The grandfather clock in the foyer chimed six as Carrie added broccoli to the saucepan on the stove. Brian had insisted she have a housekeeper so she didn’t have to worry about cleaning and cooking. They’d compromised and Verna came in three days a week, leaving casseroles on her days off, making sure the house was spic-and-span when she was there. Carrie supposed she’d fought against the idea of a housekeeper because she’d been used to taking care of a household and her three sisters while her mom worked. She missed it, actually. Now she couldn’t help but smile as she started the preparation for cream of broccoli soup. She was going to fix salmon cakes to go with it.
Was she totally crazy bringing Lisa into their home?
She’d always had good instincts about people. On the outside, Lisa was defiant, sullen sometimes and looked a little wild. But Carrie’s intuition told her that the girl was sensitive and looking for a place to belong, looking for a place for her baby to belong.
When the phone rang, Carrie froze midstride to the refrigerator. Her heart raced as she hurried to pick it up.
“Summers residence,” she said, unable to keep the excitement from her voice because she suspected Brian was calling.
“Hi,” he said in that deep tone that always curled her toes. “How did the interview go?”
She swallowed hard and jumped right in. “It went great. You’ve got to understand Lisa’s background to understand her, and I think I do. And you can’t let her appearance put you off. She has two-toned hair and tattoos. But she lost her parents, she’s scared and she wants a home for her baby.”
“I’m between meetings, Carrie. We can talk about it when I come home.”
Only hesitating for a moment, she plunged ahead. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Brian. I made the decision during the interview to invite Lisa to stay with us until she has her baby.”
The complete silence that met Carrie’s announcement wasn’t broken even by cell phone static.
“You did what?”
The question was rhetorical, and she waited.
“How could you be so impulsive? How could you make a decision like this without consulting me? We don’t know this girl, Carrie. We don’t know who she is or where she’s been. She’s been living on the streets—” He stopped abruptly.
Sometimes Brian handled Carrie as if she were a piece of glass, and she wasn’t sure why. He didn’t know about the rape or the abortion or the counseling that had saved her life and her future. Yet he held back with her. He always seemed to hold back, and she guessed he was holding back angry words now.
He’d never seen how strong she could be. Maybe it was time to show him. “I know you believe my decision was impulsive. Maybe it was, but I’m going into this with my eyes open. If we can show Lisa we can be caring parents and that we’ll be the best parents for her baby, we’ll have a child. Isn’t that more important than a little inconvenience?”
She heard his sigh, and his words were filled with concern. “I’m not worried about the inconvenience. I’m being cautious. This might not turn out the way you want, and you’ll be hurt. This girl could change her mind about adoption or decide she’d rather place her child elsewhere.”
“I know that. But Lisa will give me something worthwhile to do while you’re away on business. Volunteer work is fine, but taking care of Lisa will be like taking care of my sisters. I’ve missed that.”
His silence went long. Finally he responded, “I know you have. But the timing of this— For the next month or so I’ll be on call. This land deal in Alaska is important. I think you’ve made a mistake, and you need to rectify it before this girl settles in.”
“You’re always on call, Brian, and all the deals are important. I’m used to that.” She had never put her resignation into words before but now she did so. She was fighting for this chance to make their marriage strong again, and intuitively she knew Lisa and her baby were part of that. “I know we can make this work.”
His voice was clipped when he replied, “I’ll be flying home tonight instead of tomorrow. I should be there around eleven-thirty.”
“Brian, I couldn’t leave her in that shelter another night.”
“We’ll talk about it when I get home.”
Yes, they would. Having Lisa in their home might not be easy, but inviting her to stay had been the right choice. Somehow Carrie would convince her husband of that.

A few hours later as Brian came in the door from the garage, Carrie was there waiting for him, hoping to ease him into an introduction to Lisa.
First, though, she smiled and asked, “Are you hungry?”
A flash of desire in Brian’s eyes reminded her of the other night and the way they’d made love. It had been different somehow. She’d almost felt Brian wasn’t holding back, that he’d let himself go and she’d responded to that. Yet afterward he’d withdrawn. Sometimes she felt as if she were doing a complicated dance with her husband, afraid she’d misstep and the rhythm would be broken forever.
Setting down his overnighter and his briefcase, he bent to her, letting his lips say his “hello,” letting his kiss tell her he’d missed her.
Ending it, he straightened. “No. I’m not hungry. Dinner was elaborate.” Picking up his luggage once more, he crossed the kitchen. “During the flight, I thought about what we should do. You’ve gotten us into a situation. Our only resort now is to put this girl in a hotel suite—”
“No! That’s not the answer. Especially since you haven’t even met her.”
Brian stopped and turned.
“Lisa’s blood pressure is a bit elevated,” she hurried on. “She needs someone to look after her. I can do that here. Brian, please. The easy course isn’t always the best one. Besides, if she doesn’t live with us, why would she want to choose us? Why would she want to let us adopt her baby?”
It was obvious Brian was struggling with all of it. He didn’t want his life disrupted, especially not by a stranger off the streets. But he did want a child. “Where is she?” he asked.
“In the family room. I told her to make herself comfortable. She’s been watching TV.”
He finally said, “All right. I’ll meet her.” Striding to the foyer, he deposited his luggage by the staircase.
When Carrie hurried after him, she warned in a low voice, “Don’t make a first impression just from her appearance. She’s—”
Before Carrie could finish her sentence, he’d already headed for the family room. There he stopped and took in the scene with a frown.
It had been a long day, and Brian saw it was going to get much longer. Carrie had never done anything like this before—made a decision without consulting him. He wondered what was at the bottom of it now. Did she want a baby that badly?
He stared at Lisa Sanders in stunned amazement. Yes, Carrie had told him she had two-toned hair and tattoos. But she hadn’t told him one tattoo was an upside-down mermaid that started at Lisa’s elbow and disappeared under her T-shirt sleeve, and that the teenager’s hair wasn’t only two-toned, it was spiked and sticking out at all angles. Three earrings dangled from both ears and her lipstick was purple!
Restraining the desire to tell Lisa to take her sneakered feet off the mahogany coffee table and change the loud music-video station on the TV to something quieter, he counted to ten. So many questions clicked through his head as he felt anger rise at Carrie for putting them in this position.
However, when he caught the worried expression on his wife’s face, he kept his tone as casual as he could. “You must be Lisa.” His gut told him nothing about having this teenager around would be easy.
As she finished eating a banana, she proved his instincts right when she defiantly asked, “Why must I be Lisa? Because I’m pregnant or because my hair is more than one color?” She cast a defiant glance at Carrie. “What did you tell him about me?”
The teenager didn’t seem to ruffle Carrie as his wife replied, “I told him you’ve lost your parents and you have nowhere to go.”
“My wife told me very little,” Brian said. “I think she wanted me to meet you and form my own conclusions. Do you think you could turn down the sound on the TV?”
Lisa gave him a look that said this whole interview was an imposition.
But he wasn’t going to let her make him feel uncomfortable in his own house. “I think we should talk if you’re going to stay here.”
With that she took her feet from the coffee table, flipped a banana peel into the waste can next to the sofa and switched off the TV. “If you don’t want me here, you’d better say so now.”
“I don’t know you,” he admitted freely. “Carrie made the decision to ask you to stay here without talking to me first.”
“She has to check with you on everything?”
“We’re married, Lisa. Married couples discuss major decisions. This is one of those, especially if you decide to let us adopt your baby.”
Lisa focused her attention on Carrie. “Were you afraid he’d say no if you asked him?”
After a glance at him Carrie answered, “After I met you, I decided we could both benefit from this arrangement. You need a roof over your head, and we want to adopt.”
“And he could put up with anything for a month?”
“Something like that,” Carrie confessed with a small smile to lighten the atmosphere.
Some of the tension seemed to leave Lisa’s shoulders, although Brian didn’t feel any more at ease. Now she addressed him again. “Do you want a baby as much as Carrie does?”
“We want a family,” he said.
“You want a baby,” Lisa pressed.
“Yes.” Seeing Lisa’s large belly brought home the reality that he could be a father much sooner than he’d expected.
Carrie sat beside Lisa on the sofa. “I know this is overwhelming, and I know you don’t feel at home here yet—”
Sliding to the edge of the sofa cushion, Lisa pushed herself up to her feet. “At home? I shouldn’t even think about feeling at home. Even if this does work out, I’ll be gone in a month. Not much different from the shelter, though it is a lot better furnished.” She looked squarely at Brian. “So am I staying or leaving?”
He hated being pushed into a corner, and it was reflexive for him to fight to get out. Yet he had to be careful he didn’t shatter their dreams because he was angry at Carrie. Looking at his wife now, he could see she was worried. About Lisa? About his reaction?
His answer for Lisa came quickly. “You can stay.”
To his surprise, he didn’t see relief on her face, or gratitude. Passing by him, the teenager stopped at the doorway to the living room, turned and threw over her shoulder, “If I decide not to give you the baby, you’ll throw me out, won’t you?”
Carrie rose to her feet. After a look at Brian, she replied softly, “No. You need a place to stay until your baby is born. No matter what happens, that won’t change.”
Lisa looked at Brian. “Does that go for you, too?”
Whatever had gotten into Carrie, this was apparently important to her. “My wife made you a promise. I’ll abide by that.”
If Lisa felt thankful at his words, she didn’t show it. Instead she headed for the guest bedroom next to his study.
After her footsteps had faded away, Brian turned to Carrie. “She’s going to be more than you bargained for.”
“She’s scared. Can’t you see that?”
“No, I can’t. But then she didn’t give me the opportunity to find out much about her. I have lots of questions, Carrie. What kind of baby will we be adopting? What kind of life has she led since she’s been on the streets? Is she taking drugs? Who’s the father? Does she even know?”
Carrie held up a hand to stop the barrage. “She knows who the father is. The caseworker has already contacted him and he’s given up his parental rights. There’s no evidence Lisa has taken drugs. If I can get to know her better, maybe she’ll tell me more. The bottom line is, Brian, if she gives us this child can we love him or her, no matter what, the same as we would our own child?”
“You’re asking a hell of a lot, Carrie. We could have tried in vitro again. A surrogate might even be better than this. At least she’d be screened and the child would be half mine.”
“We tried in vitro twice and it didn’t work. I can’t go through that again, Brian—the waiting, the hoping. And as far as a surrogate goes, can you only father a child that was made with your sperm? Is that what you’re saying?”
Rubbing the back of his neck, he shook his head. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. There are so many unknown factors here. You made an impulsive decision based on emotion!”
“I made a decision because we want to be parents. It isn’t only Lisa’s baby. I think she has the attitude she does because she thinks we’re trying to use her, that we aren’t going to really care about her. During our interview today, I began caring about her. That’s why I asked her to stay here.”
The truth was, he felt ambushed. He felt as if Carrie had crossed some line that defined them as a couple by making this decision on her own. He knew he hadn’t completely dealt with the disappointment of not raising a child that he and Carrie had created together.
“If you want to give this girl a home for now, we’ll do that. As far as the baby goes, we don’t have to commit to this child until Lisa commits to us. By that time, maybe we’ll have more answers. I know you want her to like us. I know you want her to see us as the best couple to raise her baby. But we can’t pretend to be what we’re not, either.”
“Don’t you think we do pretend sometimes?” Carrie asked quietly.
“Pretend what?”
“Pretend to be happier than we are—at parties, with other couples, even sometimes when we’re alone.”
Her words were as shocking as a plunge into ice water. “Aren’t you happy?”
“I am, but… Since we’ve been trying to have a baby, ever since we’ve had trouble trying to have a baby, things have changed between us. Don’t you feel that?”
Changed? He hadn’t felt anything change until today. After a moment’s consideration, he responded, “I think we’ve both been on a roller-coaster and that’s taken its toll.”
“We’re still on the roller-coaster.”
His wife had never looked so troubled. Even as frustrated as he was with her at this moment, her beauty—inside and out—always got to him. “I guess we are. Somehow we’ll have to figure out how to survive the hills and dips together. Isn’t that what marriage is all about?”
“Yes, it’s just—” Giving him a slight smile she shook her head. “Never mind. I’m going to see if Lisa needs anything.”
Before Carrie could leave the room, Brian clasped her hand.
She stopped and faced him.
“I want you to be happy, Carrie. I want this all to work out.”
“I do, too. I’m afraid of what will happen to us if it doesn’t.”
And then his wife slipped from his grasp.
Brian wished he could read her mind. This adoption obviously meant everything to her. He wondered if he truly knew the reason why.

Three
On Saturday night when Brian entered the kitchen looking for Carrie, he felt a nerve in his jaw work. He immediately caught sight of her speaking to the caterer. She wore a beaded, royal-blue dress with long sleeves and a demure neckline, and he reluctantly admitted his wife had never looked more beautiful. With her hair caught at the nape of her neck in a sleek chignon, a few wavy tendrils framed her face. She’d clasped around her neck a sapphire necklace he’d given her for Christmas, and she looked…like a princess. All she needed was the tiara.
All he needed was a cold shower!
Setting aside the impulse to pull the pins from her hair and mess up her lipstick, he replaced desire with restraint. He didn’t want to need her right now. He was still angry she’d changed the whole dynamic of their lives by inviting Lisa to live with them. They hadn’t made love since before Lisa had arrived. For the past few nights, there had seemed to be an impenetrable fence down the center of their bed.
When Carrie saw him, she finished her consultation with the caterer and crossed to him.
“You’re beautiful tonight.” He couldn’t help complimenting her in spite of the tension between them.
She looked surprised for a moment. “You’re looking quite handsome yourself.”
Just standing here with Carrie now, looking at her, breathing in the classic scent of her perfume, he realized his body was completely aroused. He put the brakes on his libido. “Is everything ready?”
“Just about.”
“Where’s Lisa?”
Carrie looked worried. “She spent most of the day in her room. I made her soup and a salad for lunch.”
After a glance at the caterer, Brian took Carrie by the elbow and shepherded her into the short hallway that led to the garage. “You’re headed for disappointment if you expect anything from that girl. She’s a rebellious teenager. Her story tells you that. She’s not a stray puppy you can bring into the house, feed and pamper and who will love you unconditionally. You’re going to get hurt if you want more from her than a thank-you when she leaves. I don’t even know if she’ll give you that.” As far as he was concerned, Carrie’s soft heart had to be protected, and she needed to see the reality of the situation.
But her response told him she didn’t. “Maybe I’m more hopeful than you are. Maybe I’m hoping to form a bond with her so she can trust me. She’s been hurt, Brian, by her parents’ death, by her boyfriend walking away, by her aunt’s attitude, which seemed to tell her she was a bother.”
“You can’t perform miracles in a month.” Carrie had never before been quite so determined, quite so adamant that she could make a difference.
When Carrie took a step closer to him, there was so much longing in her dark-brown eyes, he couldn’t look away. She touched his set jaw with a caressing stroke that made fireworks shoot through his veins.
“Maybe I can’t perform miracles,” she murmured, “but I need to try.”
Her soft words crumbled his restraint. He couldn’t help but reach out and smooth his hand along the side of Carrie’s face. Her eyes became a deeper brown, and her lips parted ever so slightly. She always responded to his touch and he to hers. Drawing her to him, his lips seared hers. He held on to the passion, kept the kiss short but couldn’t resist stroking her tongue with his. Then he reluctantly released her and stepped away, hungry for her. That hunger never diminished. Yet he kept it in check, and he wasn’t sure why.
The doorbell rang and they could hear it even in the corridor outside of the laundry room.
Breaking eye contact, Carrie glanced under her sleeve at a department-store watch that fit her wrist like a bracelet. It had been a gift from her sisters last Christmas. He could buy her a diamond watch and had offered to, but she preferred wearing this one. He’d realized long ago sentiment meant more to Carrie than quality or monetary value. He was afraid sentiment where Lisa was concerned would hurt them both.
“We have to greet our guests.” She put her fingers to her lips. “I’ll stop in the powder room first.”
When she conjured up a smile, he fought the urge to kiss her all over again.
The doorbell rang once more, and Brian went to the foyer. There were two couples there—the O’Briens and the Hammonds—as well as Derrick Dennehy, who’d obviously come without his wife. That was peculiar since he’d spoken to Derrick the day before yesterday and the lawyer had assured Brian they’d both be there. Maybe Jackie had picked up the flu bug that was going around.
As Carrie joined them and guided the O’Briens and the Hammonds into the living room where hors d’oeuvres were waiting, Derrick held back and grabbed Brian’s arm. After the maid had gone to the kitchen, he said, “Jackie couldn’t make it tonight.”
Something in Derrick’s voice warned Brian it wasn’t a simple flu bug that had kept his wife away.
Adjusting his striped silk tie, Derrick looked uncomfortable. “She moved out yesterday and it looks as if we’ll be getting a divorce. I had no idea this was coming. It came out of the blue.”
The same age as Brian—in their midthirties—Derrick and Jackie had been married after their college graduation.
“Out of the blue?”
Derrick shook his head in exasperation. “You’d think I’d know a woman after living with her for twelve years. But then she said that was the problem. She maintains I haven’t really been living with her all these years. I’ve been spending too many nights in my office, too many weekends out of town drumming up more business so she could drive that fancy new Italian sports car. Now she tells me she’s met someone who makes her the center of his world. I don’t know how he can do that and work, too!”
Abruptly Derrick shook his head. “I didn’t mean to go into all that. You’re the first person I’ve told.”
“I’m sorry, Derrick. Is there anything I can do?”
“Yes. Put together this deal in Alaska. It will give me something else to think about. The contracts to develop it would keep me busy for the next few months.”
As an attorney, Derrick took care of much of the legal work that came up with the projects Brian coordinated. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Carrie raised questioning eyes to Brian as he and Derrick entered the living room. Brian gave a slight shake of his head, and when neither he nor Derrick explained why Jackie wasn’t present, Carrie understood she should stay away from that topic.
It wasn’t until Ted Hammond, Rob O’Brien and Derrick were engaged in business conversation and Ted and Rob’s wives had escaped to freshen up in the powder room, that Brian took Carrie aside out of earshot of everyone to explain, “Jackie left Derrick.”
Carrie was shocked. “You’re not serious.”
“He never saw it coming. She found someone else.” To Brian, that was what it boiled down to.
Because Carrie looked pensive, Brian asked, “Did you know? Did she say anything to you?” The circle of women who ran the foundation boards Carrie served on included Jackie.
“When I had lunch with her before Christmas, she’d been unusually quiet. In the past she’s mentioned that she’s been lonely and Derrick is never home.”
“Well, he wasn’t seeing other women. He was working.”
Brian knew his tone was defensive, but he was identifying with Derrick. He added, “She belonged to as many committees as you do. I don’t understand how she could be lonely.”
“Committees and volunteer work are not the same thing as intimate time with a spouse.”
Intimate time. Time in bed when a husband and wife coupled? Or was Carrie talking about conversations over dinner for two, an impromptu visit to the zoo, a walk in the rain? They hadn’t done any of those for a long time.
Peggy O’Brien and Carla Hammond were laughing as they came into the foyer. Peggy patted Carrie’s shoulder. “My, my, my. You two look much too serious. Is there a problem?”
Brian could see his wife consciously relax and find a smile for her guests. Once, she’d told him she’d had training in relaxation techniques. He supposed that had something to do with learning to pose for the camera.
Now he could almost believe she wasn’t still thinking about their conversation as she said to Peggy, “Dinner will be ready any minute. You can have your choice of wines to go with the seafood Newburgh and prime rib. The server will explain the merits of each. Let’s gather everyone and go into the dining room.”
Brian marveled at Carrie’s ease in turning the conversation to their guests. His wife definitely had tact. Maybe that came from having to referee three sisters vying for her parents’ attention.
However, although Carrie had changed the subject smoothly, it hadn’t left Brian’s mind—neither Derrick’s situation nor his wife’s comments.
Though Derrick was quieter than normal, conversation flowed smoothly over dinner. As usual the women spoke of charities, theater selections for the year, and new worthwhile causes. The men always turned to business. After German chocolate cake had been served, Rob focused his attention on Brian.
“I think it’s time we talk about what’s really on our minds. How are the Alaskan negotiations going?” Rob was an investment banker who worked closely with Brian.
“A bit touchy,” Brian admitted. “But I don’t see any major problems. I’m going to have to fly up there soon to do some reassuring in person.”
“I expected that,” Ted said. “The environment is important to them.” Ted worked for Brian, chasing down leads on real estate.
After Ted ate the last bite of his chocolate cake with gusto and took a sip of black coffee, he asked, “Are you interested in investing in more land in Hawaii? I’ve got wind of an entrepreneur who’s thinking about selling. You and Carrie could take a week, fly over there and see what it’s like. Danny Crosby was pleased with the deal you put together for him. Maybe he’d spread the word.”
Danny Crosby, the son of one of the richest families in Portland, had bought his own island and Brian had been instrumental in that. Danny was a man who had suffered the tragedies of his family deeply, and Brian had become friends with him through the man’s search for the right reclusive property. “Danny Crosby keeps to himself on his island.”
“But if he put the word out…” Ted prompted.
“I’m not going to take advantage of him or his family’s reputation. I will ask him if I can use him as a reference, though.”
“That in itself would be a plus,” Rob agreed. “The Crosby name has always carried weight, as much as the Logans’. By the way, I heard the Logans have donated even more money to Children’s Connection. Their coffers seem to be bottomless.”
The Logans were as rich as the Crosbys. Their involvement with the Children’s Connection adoption agency and fertility clinic went back years. Danny Crosby and Robbie Logan had been best friends as kids. But when six-year-old Robbie had been kidnapped from the Crosbys’ yard and Sheila Crosby, Danny’s mother, had been blamed, a feud had developed between the two families. Recovery for the Logans over the loss of their son had been slow, but they poured their passion and time into the adoption agency and the fertility clinic and gone on as best they could. He wasn’t sure the Crosbys would ever recover.
Addressing Carrie, Ted asked, “So how does a trip to Hawaii sound?”
Carrie’s gaze met Brian’s. “This isn’t a good time for me to get away.”
Before Ted could question her, loud music erupted from down the hall. Very loud music. All of their guests looked startled.
“What’s that?” Derrick asked. “Are you having a rap concert in your backyard?”
Suddenly Lisa with her geometrically designed red-and-blond hair—now half spiked, half flat—appeared in a T-shirt that looked as if it should be in a trash bin. Her jeans were tattered, too.
Carrie was out of her chair in a second, and Brian felt himself rising to his feet.
“I got hungry,” the teen mumbled, glancing around at everybody.
“I’m glad,” Carrie said with a smile, putting her arm around Lisa. Without hesitation, she said to the group at the table, “This is Lisa Sanders. She’s staying with us for a while. Lisa, meet Mr. and Mrs. Hammond, Mr. and Mrs. O’Brien, and Mr. Dennehy.”
Brian suspected his guests were still trying to recover from the shock of Lisa’s appearance.
Carrie excused herself and suggested to Lisa, “Come into the kitchen with me and I’ll get you a platter.”
As soon as his wife and Lisa disappeared, all eyes were on Brian. “Lisa’s thinking about giving up her baby for adoption, and we might adopt.”
“How long have you been planning this?” Peggy asked, speaking loud enough to be heard over the music.
“Not long. Lisa came to stay a few days ago.”
Carla leaned back in her chair and pushed her plate away with two bites of cake still on it. “You and Carrie tried in vitro, didn’t you?”
Brian didn’t like talking about his personal life this way, but he supposed Carrie had confided in these women. “Yes, we did.”
Peggy shook her head. “It’s a shame you have to resort to this.”
Although those had been Brian’s thoughts, he bristled. “Like all children, Lisa’s baby deserves a good home. Carrie and I can provide that.” Deciding to end the conversation right there, he rose to his feet. “I’ll see what’s keeping Carrie.”
As soon as he stepped into the kitchen, he was aware the caterer wasn’t making a platter for Lisa at all but stowing away the remains of the dinner. Carrie, however, was creating a thick sandwich while Lisa looked on.
“Did we eat all the prime rib?” he asked, trying to keep his voice tempered.
“Lisa just wanted something more simple.”
Lisa’s music still blared loudly into the whole house. “If you don’t mind, Lisa, I’m going to turn down the music.”
“I do mind. I’m listening to it.”
His patience wore thin. “Unfortunately, so are our guests. They’re trying to have a conversation.”
Lisa’s face grew defiant. “I suppose it would be better for you if I hadn’t come out at all. I saw the way they looked at me.”
Carrie dropped the butter knife she’d been using, and Lisa stooped to pick it up. When she tried to straighten, she wobbled.
Brian saw her losing her balance and he went to her quickly, helping her. “What’s wrong?”
“Just felt dizzy.” Her face had flushed and Brian didn’t like that.
“When did you last eat?” he asked.
“Around noon.” Her voice trailed off as she sagged against him.
Without thinking about it twice, he lifted her into his arms. “I’m taking her to her room.”
Looking scared, Lisa held on tightly. Suddenly Brian didn’t see the two-colored hair, the earrings, the tattoos. He saw a young girl whose world was swirling around her and she couldn’t seem to stop it.
The guest bedroom on the first floor was decorated in yellow and white and pink. A hand-quilted comforter in those colors lay across the bed while a white dust ruffle peeked out from under it. The yellow armchair in the corner of the room was a comfortable one and Brian could see that was where Lisa had apparently spent most of her time, since there was a romance novel and a few magazines spread around it. The CD player was still blaring and Carrie went to it, switching it off. She’d managed to grab the sandwich and a glass of milk.
Now as Brian laid Lisa on the bed, Carrie set the food on the nightstand and crouched down beside the teenager.
“Do you have a headache?” she asked as she pulled up Lisa’s jeans—to check her ankles for swelling, Brian guessed.
“No headache. Just a little dizzy.” At the dresser, Carrie opened one of the drawers and pulled out a blood pressure monitor. With a sideways glance at him, she said, “I bought it yesterday. Since Lisa was taken to the emergency room because her blood pressure was too high, I thought we’d better keep track of it.”
After she put the cuff around Lisa’s arm, she waited for the digital readout. A short time later the machine beeped. “It’s slightly elevated. I think you’d better rest for the evening.”
“I’m so bored,” Lisa groaned. “I’ve been reading and looking at magazines since I’ve been here. That’s the only CD I’ve kept and I’m tired of it. This baby is ruining my life!”
Brian sat down on the bed beside Lisa. “I don’t think it’s the baby who’s ruining your life. Circumstances are, and maybe a few wrong decisions on your part.”
Lisa glared at him. “You think you have all the right answers.”
Making an effort not to let her get to him, he replied, “There are a lot of problems to be solved here. You can’t do it all instantly or even overnight. If you want help, we’ll guide you in the right direction. You need to be thinking about what you want to do after your baby’s born. If you give it up for adoption—”
“You bet I’m giving it up for adoption. I don’t want to take care of it all day and all night. I want—”
Tears came into her eyes, and Brian actually felt sorry for her. Maybe this was how Carrie had felt toward the teenager since their first meeting.
“What do you want?” he asked in a low voice.
“What I want can never happen. I want my parents back. I want my body back.”
Carrie spoke softly from the other side of the bed. “I’m sorry about your parents, Lisa. I can only imagine how you feel—absolutely alone with no one to hold on to. But you don’t have to be alone now. We want to help.”
There was a slight rap on the door, and Peggy stepped inside. “Is there something wrong? Is there anything we can do?”
Brian suspected Peggy didn’t want anything to do as much as she wanted to see what was going on. She was the typical social butterfly and he often doubted her sincerity. “We have everything under control. Carrie and I will be out in a couple of minutes. Tell Rob to help himself to some of that cognac on the buffet.”
“The caterer just set out divine liqueurs. We didn’t want to start without you.”
“Go right ahead. We’ll join you shortly.”
With a last look at Lisa, Peggy left the room, high heels clicking on the hardwood floor.
After Carrie stood, she picked up the sandwich on the nightstand and offered it to Lisa. “You’ve got to eat regular meals, too. It will help. I’ll stay here and keep you company while Brian goes back to our guests.”
That wasn’t an option Brian preferred. “I can bring a TV in here from the guest room upstairs. Then you won’t have to stay.”
Carrie’s dark eyes met his. “The TV’s a good idea. But I want to make sure Lisa’s over her dizziness. I’m sure everyone will understand.”
He wasn’t sure they would understand. There was a time when Carrie wouldn’t have considered bailing out of one of his social functions. “Can I talk to you in the hall for a minute?”
Lisa was eating the sandwich and Carrie told her, “I’ll be right back.”
Brian moved away from the door and kept his voice low. “She’s fine, Carrie. I’ll bring down the TV and you can look in on her every once in a while.”
“We made a mistake by not including her in the dinner party.”
“The dinner party is a business function. Why would we include her?”
“Because she’s alone and she’s looking for a place to belong.”
“You belong with our guests,” he said, a firmness shading his voice.
“They’re your guests, Brian. This is your business function. After the cordials, Peggy and Carla will talk about fashion shows while you, Derrick, Ted and Rob plan how you can make your next million. I don’t think my absence from that discussion is going to be a great loss.”
There was a fire in Carrie when she became protective of Lisa. She’d never spoken to him this way before. Part of him was annoyed that she wasn’t living up to her part of her commitment as his wife. Yet another part of him was fascinated by the independent woman she’d apparently kept hidden inside. The huge question was why.
“Tell me something, Carrie. Do you really want to spend time with Lisa? Or do you just want to escape chitchat with the O’Briens and Hammonds?”
After only a moment’s hesitation, Carrie spoke softly. “If Lisa lets us adopt her child, in a way she’ll become family. It’s important for me to get to know her. It’s important for her to feel that she’s not a stray we just dragged in. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that family has to come before business?”
What he saw was that Carrie was changing. With adopting a baby, their lives would change. He’d never had to be flexible. Since he was a kid, he’d been determined to make something of himself as his father hadn’t. He’d set his course and stayed on it. Right was right, wrong was wrong and success made a man’s life worthwhile. Even when Carrie had entered the picture, his life hadn’t taken any radical turns. She’d fit in. She’d gone along. He was beginning to realize their marriage had always been about what he wanted, not what Carrie wanted. Is that why she’d always held back a part of herself? Was she afraid to let her independence and self-assurance emerge in the wake of his more substantial goals?
Figuring all of that into the equation, he said, “I’ll make your excuses. But I’m also going to go upstairs and get that TV. If Lisa decides to turn silent on you, she can watch it and you can come back out and say good-night. Fair enough?”
“Fair enough,” Carrie murmured.
When Brian headed for the stairs, he felt his wife’s gaze on him and he realized he’d give that million dollars Carrie had mentioned to know exactly what she was thinking.

Early the next morning, Brian slipped out of bed, pulled on jogging shorts and went to the exercise room in the basement to work out. Last night, Carrie had never returned to their guests. She’d still been in Lisa’s room when he’d bid them good-night. Afterward, he’d worked in his office until he’d heard her exit the teenager’s room. When they’d gone up to bed together, there had been a strain between them and they’d stayed on separate sides of the bed. He hadn’t reached for her and she hadn’t turned to him. He wasn’t sure what was happening. He just knew something was.
He thought about what Derrick had said. It came out of the blue. Maybe that wasn’t so unusual. Maybe husbands and wives never did really know what the other was thinking.
After an extralong workout on the Nautilus and a one-sided match with the punching bag, Brian showered downstairs and dressed in sweats he kept there. When he went up to the kitchen, Carrie was beating eggs with a whisk.
“Would you like scrambled eggs?” she asked. “Lisa isn’t up, but I’m hoping when she smells the bacon and toast, she’ll join us.”
Carrie hadn’t dressed yet. She wore an ice-blue silk robe over a matching nightgown. As always, she looked feminine and elegant, so beautiful his chest hurt just looking at her.
“Breakfast for two would be nice, too,” he offered, tired of the discord between them.
When Carrie’s gaze met his, she sighed. “I didn’t mean to let you down last night. But Lisa and I began talking and I thought that was more important. She’s afraid, Brian. Afraid of the pain of labor and delivery, afraid of what’s going to happen afterward, afraid she’s never going to be able to afford an apartment or get a job.”
He didn’t want this conversation to be about Lisa but rather about them. Throughout the night he’d tossed and turned over all of it. “I understand why you want to help Lisa. You want her baby.”
“It’s more than that! I’m not just trying to win her over. I care about her.”
He could see that she did and wondered how she could care so easily. “All right, you care. I just don’t want you to get hurt while you’re caring.”
“This is one time when I’m going to take the risk and maybe you’ll have to, too.”
Although he tolerated risks every day he did business, he’d never had to tolerate them in his personal life. “Do you have something particular in mind?”
She flushed. “Yes. I’m taking Lisa to an obstetrician tomorrow afternoon. Dr. Grieb will probably do a sonogram. I thought maybe you’d like to come along and see the baby we might be adopting.”
He knew exactly what Carrie was doing. She wanted to make this baby a reality. Their reality. “What time is the appointment?”
“Three o’clock.”
He knew his appointments tomorrow were stacked back to back because of being out of town last week. “I’ll do my best to clear my calendar, and I’ll try to meet you there.”
This appointment was important to Carrie, and he suddenly understood how it might be terrifically important to him, too.

Four
Carrie and Lisa had just taken seats in the obstetrician’s office when Carrie’s cell phone buzzed. Smiling at Lisa, she said, “I’ll be right back,” and went around the corner from the reception area where the coat closet was located.
“Hello?” She recognized the number on her caller ID as the exchange of the hospital.
“Carrie? It’s Nancy. Can you talk?”
Nancy Allen was one of the nicest people Carrie knew. Always considerate, she genuinely cared about others, especially children. Carrie had discovered she was the nurse who had called the caseworker from Children’s Connection to help Lisa when the teenager had been brought into the E.R.
“Hi, Nancy. What’s up?”
“I know you took Lisa Sanders home with you and you probably have your hands full. But I wondered if you’re busy tomorrow morning? Sherry Winslow, who’s supposed to read to kids in Peds, caught a flu bug and can’t come. Are you available?”
Somehow Nancy always heard about everything. Lots of people had seen Lisa leave the adoption agency with Carrie. “I’m at the obstetrician’s office with Lisa now. Let me see how her checkup goes. If everything’s okay, I’ll be glad to read to the kids tomorrow.”
“That would be great. How’s Lisa doing?”
“As well as can be expected, I guess. I’ve spent some time with her. She’s really missing her parents and needs a listening ear to help her through this.”

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