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Healed By Her Army Doc
Meredith Webber
Her army doc returns……but can she tell him her secret?In this Bondi Bay Heroes story, general surgeon Kate Mitchell is reunited with Dr Angus Caruth—the gorgeous army doc she spent one night with three years ago. Working together on the Specialist Disaster Response team reignites their flame, but before Angus moves on again will Kate finally be able to share their secret heartache…and believe their temporary fling can lead to for ever?


Her army doc returns...
...but can she tell him her secret?
In this Bondi Bay Heroes story, general surgeon Kate Mitchell is reunited with Dr. Angus Caruth—the gorgeous army doc she spent one night with three years ago. Working together on the Specialist Disaster Response team reignites their flame, but before Angus moves on again will Kate finally be able to share their secret heartache...and believe their temporary fling can lead to forever?
MEREDITH WEBBER lives on the sunny Gold Coast in Queensland, Australia, but takes regular trips west into the Outback, fossicking for gold or opal. These breaks in the beautiful and sometimes cruel red earth country provide her with an escape from the writing desk and a chance for her mind to roam free—not to mention getting some much needed exercise. They also supply the kernels of so many stories that it’s hard for her to stop writing!
Also by Meredith Webber (#u041a4b08-a4cf-59b5-8f12-870931d24086)
The Halliday Family miniseries
A Forever Family for the Army Doc
Engaged to the Doctor Sheikh
A Miracle for the Baby Doctor
From Bachelor to Daddy
Bondi Bay Heroes collection
The Shy Nurse’s Rebel Doc by Alison Roberts
Finding His Wife, Finding a Son by Marion Lennox
Healed by Her Army Doc
And look out for the next book
Rescued by Her Mr Right by Alison Roberts Available now
Discover more at millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk).
Healed by Her Army Doc
Meredith Webber


www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
ISBN: 978-1-474-07529-9
HEALED BY HER ARMY DOC
© 2018 Meredith Webber
Published in Great Britain 2018
by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF
All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental.
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www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Contents
Cover (#ubc8b5438-f4b4-56af-b5cf-c872a78c61e6)
Back Cover Text (#uc6397707-ce2a-5b53-badc-7ad4f901045a)
About the Author (#u77232408-2f71-5169-bb2b-83cafc8cf662)
Booklist (#u868a11e0-2aa6-5948-8ec7-30709928427b)
Title Page (#ub965e26a-c12c-5318-9f6b-077b0b27af19)
Copyright (#uce8767d6-dd4f-5275-900c-e65b581ad951)
CHAPTER ONE (#uf416db6a-9568-52a4-a5a3-c9560fc50e2c)
CHAPTER TWO (#uc8d4b37f-d70f-50ab-840b-6753ca52854c)
CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#u041a4b08-a4cf-59b5-8f12-870931d24086)
SHE MIGHT BE Kate’s favourite relative and most stalwart support, but Aunt Alice was adept at catching Kate in unguarded moments and tonight was no exception.
‘You’ve only worked a half-shift today, and you’re off duty tomorrow, so it couldn’t be better, and you’ve got the excuse of that team meeting you had this afternoon,’ Alice pointed out.
The team meeting that afternoon was the reason Kate was unguarded, though flummoxed would have been a better word. Arriving late from Theatre, still pulling off her theatre cap and running her fingers through her chaotic, needing-a-cut hair, she’d rushed into the SDR meeting room, and the first person Kate had seen had been Angus.
Not surprising, the seeing part. Men who stood just over six feet tall and had the shoulders that went with the height weren’t easy to miss.
But Angus?
Here!
Shock halted her momentarily, then, as her bones had turned to jelly, she’d subsided into the nearest seat, rather wishing her weight would take it straight down through the floor.
Or there’d be an earthquake, tornado, hospital on fire—any distraction...
The worst of it was that whatever had flared between them three years ago on the island was just as electrifyingly alive as it had been back then. She could feel that inexplicable awareness that had rocked both of them arcing across the room between them. Looked up to check she couldn’t actually see it in the form of flashing lightning because she’d heard it in the thunder in her veins.
Angus!
‘You can tell Harriet what was discussed,’ Alice was persisting, bringing Kate out of the horrendous memories of the afternoon meeting of the Specialist Disaster Response team. ‘She’s really down about missing it, well, not the meeting so much but as being part of the team. She could have gone to the meeting, but I think that Pete was supposed to collect her and, as far as I can make out, he’s been conspicuous by his absence lately.’
Not much got past Alice, who, although unconnected to the hospital, was a long-term resident of the apartment block where so many of the staff lived.
In her head Kate acknowledged her great-aunt was right, and not only about Harriet’s boyfriend disappearing. Before she’d injured her leg in an accident on a training day for the SDR, Harriet had been an integral and enthusiastic part of the team but after battling operations and infections she must be wondering if she’d ever be able to join it again, while she and Pete had been one of the glamour couples of Bondi Bayside Hospital’s social scene.
Not that Kate was part of that scene, but in any hospital there were few secrets.
‘Go on,’ Alice was saying. ‘You’ve lived here two years, you work at the same hospital, belong to that team together, and you barely know Harriet. You can’t shut yourself away for ever—it’s just not natural. She probably thinks you’re a terrible snob because you’re a surgeon and she’s only a nurse.’
‘Hardly “only” a nurse, Alice,’ Kate said. ‘She’s one of the top nurses in the ICU and that’s probably one of the most important jobs in the whole hospital.’
Kate was glad of the conversation—anything to keep her mind off the SDR meeting.
Off Angus!
He can’t be here!
He is!
She dragged her mind back to the subject of Alice’s conversation, to Harriet Collins.
‘Intensive Care is high-level nursing. It’s just that with work and study and keeping up the level of fitness I need to stay on the team I don’t really have time—’
‘Tosh!’ said Alice. ‘You’re hiding away from something—from life itself, in fact. I know you needed to grieve for the baby, that’s why I asked you to come and live here with me. New hospital, new job, new people—but you should have moved on by now. This self-imposed isolation of yours has gone on long enough. So get over to Harriet’s apartment and tell her about the meeting. Find a way to convince her she’ll get back on the team before long.’
Knowing it was futile to argue, Kate had a quick shower, washed her hair, pulled on jeans and a light sweatshirt and made her way along the corridor to Harriet’s apartment, her feet beating out an accompaniment to the phrase running over and over in her head.
I will not think about Angus, it went. I will not think about Angus. I will not think about Angus...
Harriet’s apartment was at the front of the block so as Harriet opened the door—more than slightly startled—Kate could see straight through the living room to the ocean beyond, painted pale pink and violet as it reflected the colours of the sky at sunset.
‘Kate!’
The exclamation told Kate she’d guessed right, although she now substituted ‘extremely’ for the ‘slightly’ in the startled stakes.
‘I hope I’m not interrupting you but I thought you might like to know what went on at the meeting.’
Harriet stared at her and seeing the blankness in her hazel eyes, and the pale drawn skin beneath the lovely auburn hair, Kate had to set aside her own preoccupation and accept that Alice—as ever—had been right. All was not well with the usually vibrant Harriet.
‘So, can I come in?’
Wordlessly, Harriet stepped back and waved her hand towards the living room.
‘What a fantastic view! You take in the whole bay. It’s unbelievable. You must see the beach and ocean in so many moods. Are you a photographer? You could take a thousand pictures from your balcony with not one of them the same.’
Kate knew she was blethering, but Harriet’s silence was unnerving and she’d already been totally unnerved once today.
‘Did Alice send you to cheer me up?’
Not exactly the conversation opener Kate had expected but it would do.
‘Yes, she did. She’s worried about you. We’re all worried about you.’
Deep breath!
‘Actually, to be honest, she’s worried about me too. She thinks I work too hard, but the SDR meeting was interesting. Blake had brought along an army bloke who has been working on a new emergency response tent. You know, one of those ones that fold up and can be dropped into disaster zones and comes complete with all our medical needs. Apparently, he has a new prototype he wants to trial next time we have a callout to somewhere fairly isolated.’
‘Not close to a local hospital or, say, in a bushfire where the hospital’s been damaged or destroyed,’ Harriet said, picking up on the idea immediately. ‘I’ve seen army ones on exercises we’ve taken with other teams. They really are a complete package, right down to food, water and accommodation for the first responders—enough for them to be self-sufficient for a fortnight.’
Taking the words as a small spark of interest, Kate said, ‘Shall I tell you about it? Will we sit down?’
Harriet was frowning slightly, but as Kate perched on the sofa, her hostess dropped into an armchair. The frown was understandable. Here was this neighbour, who’d been in the apartment block for two years yet had never ventured over the threshold, making herself at home.
And talking, talking, talking—
The doorbell shrilled, and Harriet’s frown deepened.
‘It must be someone from another apartment because they didn’t ring at the front door.’
It shrilled again.
‘Would you like me to get it?’ Kate offered, her heart going out to the woman she’d only known as lively and active, now a pale shadow of her former self.
A shadow with her injured leg still in its ungainly brace.
‘No, I’ll go.’
Harriet rose to her feet and limped to the door, opening it to reveal the person Kate was still telling herself not to think about.
‘I’m sorry to disturb you,’ came the deep growl from the doorway. ‘I’m Angus Caruth, and Blake gave me Kate’s address, and then Alice said she was here and that you wouldn’t mind if I popped in to say hello. I barely recognised her earlier, at the meeting. I don’t think I’d ever seen Kate with dry hair.’
Kate’s gut had twisted more with every word he spoke, but she’d regained some control over her mind, so as Harriet ushered in her new visitor, she used anger to mask all the other reactions that had rioted inside her since the meeting.
‘Blake gave you my address?’ she demanded. ‘Whatever happened to staff confidentiality?’
‘Oh, I’d blame Sam for that,’ Harriet said, obviously intrigued by this second visitor. She waved her arm towards the sofa, and invited Angus to sit. ‘Ever since she and Blake got together, she’s been seeing the world through a pearly haze of love.’
She turned to Kate and smiled—smiled properly!
‘So what’s with the wet hair?’
The smile was the first sign of the old Harriet that Kate had seen so she felt obliged to reply.
‘Angus and I met in a cyclone. Everyone had wet hair.’
She kept her eyes on Harriet as she spoke, for all the good that did her. Her body was as aware of Angus as it would have been if he had been sitting on top of her—her skin prickling with something she’d rather call discomfort than—
No, it couldn’t possibly be attraction...
How could this have happened?
Why did it have to be her hospital he’d turned up at?
And why, after all this time, could he still affect her like this?
But now he was talking again, and if she closed her eyes—
She straightened in her seat.
‘“Angus and I met in a cyclone” hardly covers it,’ he was responding, smiling at her before turning to Harriet. ‘We were stuck in the dining room of a resort hotel and a tree had crashed into one glass wall, so we had about sixty panicking people to deal with. Kate calmly organised the wait staff to tear tablecloths into bandages and once we had all the injured settled as well as we could, she started everyone singing. I think trying to manage “Come to dinner” sung in four parts certainly took their minds off the howling gale and thunderous winds outside.’
Refusing to yield to the memories, Kate tried desperately to ignore the man on the sofa beside her—to ignore all the signals that were zapping between their bodies.
She had to get away, to sort out what was happening and why, after three years, she should still feel this way about a man she barely knew.
It was the coward’s way out but she turned to Harriet.
‘Angus is the man I was telling you about, the one with the new tent, and now he’s here, he can tell you about it himself.’
She pushed herself to her feet, hoping her face wasn’t revealing the torrent of emotions roaring inside her—hoping her legs would hold her up and, most of all, hoping Angus couldn’t see the quivering mess his presence had made of her body.
‘I really should go,’ she added. ‘It’s my turn to cook dinner.’
She strode to the door, opening it and pausing briefly to waggle her fingers in farewell.
And to take in the face of the man who’d haunted her dreams for the past three years.
Angus!
Closing the door behind her, she leant against the wall in the hall, eyes shut so she could see him again on her eyelids—check him against her memories.
No, he hadn’t changed. Still the same dark, almost shorn hair, black quirky eyebrows above deep-set blue eyes, slightly crooked nose, the result she knew of a youthful brawl, and lips—
She wouldn’t think about his lips—not the shape of them, or the paleness, or the way they’d felt as they’d brushed across her skin...
Her heart fluttered and for a moment she was back on the island—back in his arms—lost in blissful sensation...
She pushed angrily away from the wall. How dared Blake Cooper give out her address? How dared Angus walk back into her life like this?
* * *
Angus felt her absence, which was ridiculous given he hadn’t seen her for three years, for all he’d thought about her. Wondering where she was, what she was doing, thinking about contacting her, but how?
And why?
To hurt her as he’d hurt Michelle—never being there for her when she’d needed him, never considering just how hard their separations had been for her?
This new project would take him away even more. Their orders to leave would come within twenty-four hours of a disaster occurring somewhere in the world. Here today and gone tomorrow—how fair was that on any woman, let alone one he’d come to remember as special...?
Then she’d rushed into the SDR room where he had been explaining the new emergency structure, her fingers flipping her hair into a dark halo around her head.
Too far away to see the pale blue-grey of her eyes, but aware they’d widened in shock—
‘I’d rather hear about the cyclone than the tent.’
Harriet’s words made him realise he was still staring at the door through which Kate had vanished.
He caught the speculative gleam in Harriet’s eyes and smiled at her.
‘About the cyclone or about Kate Mitchell?’ he asked, and Harriet blushed.
‘Well, she has always been something of a mystery woman,’ she admitted. ‘I imagine the army is a bit like a hospital where everyone knows everyone else’s business, but Kate...’
She shrugged.
‘Perhaps we’re better talking about the tent.’
Angus smiled again and agreed, although his mind was whirling with questions. Kate a bit of a mystery woman? Blake Cooper had given much the same impression. A loner, he’d said. Yet the Kate Angus remembered had been outgoing and cheerful, shrugging off the pain she must have been feeling when she’d joked about honeymooning alone on the island.
‘Well, I’d booked it and paid for it, why shouldn’t I enjoy it?’ she’d said with a smile that had belied the cloudy sadness in her eyes.
Had he hurt her more?
Caused the change?
Surely not, but something had...
He turned his attention back to Harriet.
‘You probably know all about regular emergency structures but most of them are intended for long-term use, say after an earthquake. The “tent”, as Kate called it, is a smaller affair—an inflatable, easily set-up protected area that combines a trauma unit to act as the ED, a surgical theatre for life-and-limb-saving surgery, and a multifunction unit with drugs and blood products, facilities for lab tests, and sterilisation support. Some of these are “add-on” units in other emergency set-ups, but what we’ve tried to do is provide the best facility possible for first response units like your SDR.’
‘That makes sense,’ Harriet said. ‘Most patients are airlifted, or taken by road transport once they’re stabilised, so you wouldn’t need an intensive care unit or ward beds like some I’ve seen. It sounds like a great idea.’
‘It’s only a great idea if it works,’ Angus told her. ‘I’ve been planning and organising the construction of this one for some time, but I’ve only recently been posted to a base on the outskirts of Sydney. I knew Blake back when I was studying medicine so when I heard about his—well, the hospital’s—SDR team I hooked up with him, hoping maybe we could get to trial it.’
He paused, then added, ‘Not that I’m looking for a disaster—heaven forbid—but things happen, don’t they?’
Harriet gave him a weak smile and pointed to her leg.
‘Don’t they just,’ she said, and a finality in the words finished the conversation.
Could he go? Just stand up and walk out? Say goodbye, of course—but even if he went, could he go back to Kate’s—or Alice’s—apartment? He doubted he’d be welcomed. Kate had been out the door here before he’d got settled on the sofa.
He stood up.
‘I’d better go,’ he said. ‘I do hope you get back on the team before long. You might even get to try out my “tent”.’
But Harriet didn’t respond and he’d seen enough PTSD cases to know that even if she hadn’t been diagnosed with it, she was deeply depressed. She’d made all the right noises when he’d first come in and even shown interest in his knowing Kate, but that short stint of casual conversation had taken all her energy.
And although he wanted nothing more than to go back to Alice’s apartment and see Kate, he sat down again.
‘How long since you hurt your leg?’ he asked, watching her face so he could read the argument going on in her head about whether or not she would answer.
Politeness won.
‘Months now—I’ve lost count. I got a post-op infection that knocked me back, and the rehab seems to go on for ever.’
‘You’ll get there,’ he said. ‘You’ve got to keep believing that you will. Don’t give up. Giving up’s easy, it’s sticking it out that’s hard, but in the end, it’s worth it. The inner strength you gain will make you a better nurse and better SDR team member.’
‘And a better person? Did you forget that bit?’ Harriet asked, but at least she was smiling again.
‘Don’t know about that, but seeing medicine from the other side definitely improves your understanding of patients and what they are going through.’
‘Been there yourself?’
He smiled and shook his head.
‘Close enough,’ he told her, remembering the long bleak months after his last posting, part of a humanitarian response team to an overcrowded refugee camp in South-East Asia. Some of the things he’d seen—the stories he’d heard—had made him wonder if he’d ever feel normal again.
‘And Kate?’
‘Nice try,’ he said, as Harriet’s teasing smile told him he could leave with an easier conscience. He’d jolted her out of her dark mood, although for how long he didn’t know.
He said goodbye, adding that he hoped they’d meet again, and was pleased when she roused herself enough to walk to the door with him.
As he left he realised he had an excuse to talk to Kate again—he could knock on the apartment door, mention his concern about Harriet’s mental state.
It was a weak excuse and she’d see it that way, but having met up with her again he knew he—
What?
Wanted to see more of her?
Yes, there was that—definitely—but...
What he really wanted to know was what had changed her from the woman who’d smiled through the pain of the end of her relationship, who’d settled terrified guests with a warm word and a joke during the cyclone, who’d been friendly and outgoing and...
Well, fun!
Back when he’d met her, she’d have had every reason to be withdrawn. She’d discovered her best friend had been sleeping with her fiancé and had broken off the engagement, heading for the island to escape the talk.
But she’d taken one look at his pale face on the island boat and made him stay on deck, explaining it was far better to be outside than in if you felt the slightest bit queasy. So they’d clung to the rail, salt spray washing over them both, and she’d kept his mind off the journey, telling him about the little coral cay that lay ahead, and the research station on it that she’d visited each year with her great-aunt Alice, a marine biologist.
Alice!
The great-aunt!
By the time they’d reached the island he’d realised Alice probably meant more to Kate than her parents, and now here she was, living with Alice—a ‘loner’!
Because?
He realised that, in spite of all they’d been through together, he didn’t really know her.
He looked around the elevator lobby, and finally pressed the ‘down’ button.
* * *
Kate did her best to concentrate on cooking the chicken breasts in lemon and capers that was one of Alice’s favourite dinners, but she’d made it so often it couldn’t distract her enough.
Why wasn’t Angus wearing a wedding ring?
Hadn’t he gone to the island to check it out as a place for his and Michelle’s honeymoon?
They’d joked on that terribly rough boat trip that they were both on pretend honeymoons, talking to take their minds off the wild seas.
And the cyclone hadn’t even been close at that stage. It was only two days later it changed direction—as cyclones so often do—and headed straight for the island.
Maybe army personnel didn’t wear wedding rings, she decided. Some kind of safety thing? Could a light flashing off a gold or silver ring tell a sniper where to shoot?
Kate shook her head as she turned the capers in the frying pan, crisping them nicely. Think about the capers, not have ridiculous thoughts about snipers. Angus had been based in Townsville, anyway, and she doubted he’d have been bothered by snipers there.
Angus.
‘You burning those capers, Kate?’
Surely not! She looked down at the pan, forcing her mind away from the man who’d come back so unexpectedly—shockingly, really—into her life.
‘No, but you like them crisp. Nearly ready!’
She put the thin slices of chicken breast back into the pan, with the lemon juice and zest, swirled it around, then served them onto the waiting plates. The bowl of salad was already on the table, and Alice joined her there as she set down the plates.
They ate in silence for a few minutes, savouring the tasty food, but Kate could hear the wheels turning in Alice’s head as she decided how to phrase the question Kate knew she would ask.
Except she didn’t ask a question, instead issuing a statement.
‘So that was the man who caused you all the trouble!’
Kate shrugged.
‘He wasn’t to blame for anything,’ she said quietly.
‘Oh, so you got pregnant all by yourself?’
Kate pushed her plate away and looked at her aunt. Great-aunt really, but they’d never made the distinction. She’d been closer to Alice than she had to her mother, had learnt more about life and the way the world worked on those holidays on the island than she’d ever learnt at home or at school.
‘The getting-pregnant part was definitely my fault,’ Kate admitted. ‘I’d been on the Pill so didn’t give a thought to the fact that I hadn’t been in my room for three days during the height of the storm, which meant I hadn’t been taking it. Stupid, I know, but it had been a tense time with so little sleep, and the relief of finally getting the injured and the majority of the upset tourists off the island had overwhelmed us both.’
She paused, then looked up to meet Alice’s eyes.
‘It was survivor sex, if that makes sense, yet...’
‘It was more than that?’ Alice asked gently.
Kate nodded.
‘It seemed that way,’ she murmured, a little of the remembered passion sparking to life inside her. ‘We’d been through so much together, it was as if we had a...bond, I suppose, is the only way to describe it. A special bond.’
‘Didn’t you tell him you were pregnant, get in touch with him?’
Kate shuddered as she remembered the anguish of those early days.
‘How could I? I’d done exactly what my best friend had done—slept with someone else’s fiancé—and that had broken up my marriage plans. Should I break up his as well?’
She sighed.
‘In the end, I knew it wasn’t right to not tell him so I kind of left it up to him. I sent him a note, care of the base in Townsville, just asking if he’d like to give me a call—gave him my number. I never heard anything after that, which, I think, given all that happened, was for the best, don’t you?’
Alice shook her head.
* * *
Angus made his way back towards the hospital where he’d left his car, his left hand in his pocket, fingering the card Blake had given him.
Some impulse made him stop and look around at the dark water of the ocean disappearing into the night, at the sand, patterned in shadows by the street lights on the esplanade. He breathed deeply, drawing in the salty tang of the air that only existed this close to the beach.
He was a free agent at the moment, at the beginning of an untimed trip to talk to groups like Bondi Bayside’s SDR all over Australia. He’d started here because it was closest to his army base, intending to find a hotel in Sydney to use while he covered the other response teams and government officials he needed to see. But wasn’t that a hotel? Just across the road from the apartments? Bondi wasn’t so far out of Sydney city that he couldn’t base himself here for the local appointments.
He pulled out Blake’s card and phoned him, inordinately pleased when Blake said he was only too happy to take him on their next callout. Another reason to stay in Bondi!
‘So you can see how our system works,’ Blake had added, causing a small twinge of guilt in Angus’s gut. ‘I’ll give Mabel your mobile number. We meet at the chopper on the roof of the hospital. Check in at Reception if you get a call. I’ll leave instructions for them to give you a special visitor’s card that will give you access to the elevator, and allow you to go up to the roof.’
It was only when this was organised that Angus realised Kate might not be on the next SDR callout, but she was here, in Bondi, he’d seen her, and he had no intention of leaving until he’d seen her again. Seen her properly! If he didn’t catch up with her this way, he’d have to think of something else.
Why?
The question struck him as he was about to turn away from the beach, and he couldn’t brush it away.
Was it simply determination to find out why, according to the little he’d heard, she’d changed from a lively, friendly, outgoing young woman to a loner? Back then, he’d seen the shadows of sadness in her eyes, but she’d talked and laughed and even joked about her solitary honeymoon—been vibrantly alive...
Or was it because she’d somehow got beneath his skin three years ago?
Because something special, quite apart from the sex, which had been momentous, had happened between them on the island? Something had drawn them together during those terrifying hours in a way he’d never felt before?
Or since, come to that.
Until she’d walked into the SDR meeting earlier today.
Until he’d felt a surge of excitement—electrifying excitement—rush through his body...
Okay, so maybe there was more reason for him to see her again, than to find out what had changed her...
He walked back to the hospital, retrieved his vehicle from the car park and headed to the hotel, telling himself he was being foolish yet unable to persuade himself to move on. He had to see the leaders of the State Emergency Service and the Fire and Rescue Service. He’d chosen Bondi Bayside Hospital as his starting point because he’d known Blake was there, but he’d begin phoning other services in the morning, make appointments, arrange meetings. There was plenty to keep him in Sydney.
* * *
Kate was almost pleased when the phone rang in the early hours of the morning. She’d been tossing and turning all night, her sleep disturbed by memories of the island, of the fury of the cyclone, of fear...
Of Angus.
‘Yes, Mabel,’ she answered, knowing from the ring tone it was their SDR co-ordinator. As usual, Mabel wasted no time on pleasantries.
‘RTA at a crossroads in a farming community north-west of Sydney. Road train, fortunately on its way to collect cattle, hit a car, number of passengers unknown. Blake will keep you posted as he hears more.’
Kate was pulling on her SDR overalls as she thought about the accident—road trains consisted of the huge prime mover with three double-decker trailers hooked on behind. Stopping one suddenly would be almost impossible. Although easier without the cattle...
She laced up her boots so she didn’t trip as she hurried back to the hospital. Their other gear was kept in a shed on the hospital roof—helmets with headlamps and communication equipment, safety vests and the big backpacks that carried both basic first-aid and life-saving, equipment.
In a little over ten minutes she was on the hospital roof, joining the others as they snapped on protective vests, fitted their helmets and clambered on board.
Where a large man, similarly dressed, was sitting in what she thought of as ‘her’ seat.
Angus!
‘What are you doing here?’ she demanded, tasking the empty seat next to him and strapping herself in. ‘We won’t need your tent.’
He grinned at her, which caused a flood of unwanted reactions.
‘Just wanted to see how the other half do it,’ he said, and she shoved away her personal issues and shuddered as she thought of the emergencies that army medical response teams must answer. She’d seen her share of torn and damaged bodies cut from vehicle wrecks, but bodies mangled by unexpected bombs?
‘Do you still do it?’ she asked, as the rest of the crew settled themselves, desperate to keep things on a professional level.
He shook his head.
‘Not for a while—not after the last trip.’
And something in the way he spoke told her it had been horrific. Her hand moved towards his knee then quickly retreated, although her heart ached that this was how it had to be between them.
He was obviously having no trouble with professional distance, continuing to explain his situation.
‘I’m strictly home based for the moment. My last overseas posting was when I got back from the island—within a day, in fact.’
So maybe he’d never received the note she’d sent.
And why that brought a sudden blip of pleasure she didn’t know.
Relief she’d have understood, but pleasure?
Because it meant he hadn’t ignored it completely, you idiot, she told herself, then conversation ceased as Blake checked who was on board and the aircraft took off.
They lifted into the air, the engines settled into their customary throb, and Blake began to fill them in on what lay ahead.
‘Country crossroad, no lights or signals but a stop sign for traffic in the minor road, and clear views both ways along the major road.’
‘It’s still dark enough for the road train to have had its lights on. It would have been hard to miss it,’ Paul, one of the paramedics, remarked.
‘Not our problem,’ Blake reminded the speaker. ‘The hows and whys are up to the police and the coroner, our job is to treat the injured. Unknown number of people in the car, which was still being extricated from the prime mover when Mabel called, then the driver of the big rig.’
‘Do we know if he was carrying a passenger—his wife, or a relief driver perhaps?’ someone asked, and Blake shook his head.
‘The local police, fire and ambulance services will all be at the scene by the time we get there. There’s a very small town with a district hospital nearby but it hasn’t the facilities to handle anything serious so we’ll probably be flying anyone badly injured back with us. Paul, I want you on triage. We’ve got an extra doc with us in Angus, the fellow some of you met the other day.’
Several heads turned to nod at Angus, while Blake, briefing over, walked forward to stand behind the pilot and air crewman so he’d see the scene from above.
‘He doesn’t waste words, does he?’ Angus said, twisting his mike away from his face so he could talk to Kate.
‘We all know the routine. Right now, he’ll want to check out the terrain and see where the best place for us to set up might be. The helicopter usually puts down some distance away so people on the ground aren’t affected by downdraught. We cart all our stuff to the scene in the backpacks. The ambulance on site will have its monitoring equipment already set up but in a small country town there’s likely to only be one ambulance so they need us as well.’
Was she relaxing as she talked to him?
Angus hoped so.
If he wanted to find out what had gone on in her life to change her so much, then he needed to get close to her.
And was figuring out her life over the past three years the only reason he wanted to be close to her?
Honesty forced him to admit it wasn’t.
Since the seemingly endless hours they’d spent together, keeping the resort guests safe and relaxed—not to mention the night in the only dry bed on the island after the cyclone had passed—Kate had regularly sneaked into his thoughts.
Try as he might to forget her, an image of her would suddenly appear in his head, and at times she’d filled his daydreams and haunted his nights.
Even on that last traumatic posting in South-East Asia, where he’d been treating refugees, men, women and children, fleeing their country, their homes blazing behind them, and their attackers shooting at them as they fled to the nearest border to escape. Even there he’d thought of Kate far more than he’d thought of Michelle.
And his fiancée had undoubtedly picked up on this to have broken off their engagement within days of his return.
Although telling her about Kate—about that one night of intimacy—had probably had something to do with it as well...
And now, even through the layers of clothing they both wore, he could feel the warmth of Kate’s body at his side—feel a rightness in it—as if they belonged.
Kate...
CHAPTER TWO (#u041a4b08-a4cf-59b5-8f12-870931d24086)
THE CLUSTER OF strobing lights from the emergency vehicles told them they were close, although inside the cabin of the chopper all they could see were the blue and red flashes.
They put down outside the circle of light and, each grabbing a backpack, jogged closer to the scene.
‘We’re still cutting the vehicle free,’ a policeman told them. ‘The road train driver’s been removed. He’s in that ambulance over there.’ He pointed, before adding, ‘You might take a look at him. He’s in a bad way.’
Blake nodded to Kate, who headed for the ambulance, disconcerted but somehow not surprised when Angus followed her.
An ambo was using a bag mask ventilator on the driver, while his fellow attendant stuck ECG leads to the man.
‘GCS?’ Kate asked, referring to the Glasgow Coma Scale that measured how responsive their patient was.
‘Fourteen when we got here, but he’s in and out of consciousness.’
‘Coupcontrecoup injury,’ Kate murmured to herself as her mind pictured the scenario. The powerful rig powering through the night, then the car right there. The driver would have slammed on his brakes, and his body, held in place by a seat belt, would have stopped abruptly. But his head?
She knelt and spoke to the patient, glad to hear a response. She introduced herself and Angus, learning the patient’s name was Mike.
All good so far.
‘Can you remember what happened, Mike?’ she asked.
‘The car came flying towards the crossing, I tried to stop.’
Kate nodded, but wondered just how quickly he had stopped and whether the deceleration had caused his brain to jolt forward into the front of the skull then virtually bounce back to hit the rear.
The action could result in a serious brain injury but scanning it here would be a waste of time when it would have to be done more precisely at the hospital—and as soon as possible.
‘Are you in any pain?’
‘Gut hurts, and headache. The guys gave me something.’
Which probably explained why he was woozy.
‘His blood pressure is dropping,’ the paramedic said, nodding towards the monitor.
Kate checked the fluid line already feeding into a vein in the man’s hand, then took in the abrasions to his neck and chest.
‘Seat-belt syndrome,’ she said to Angus, pointing out how deep the indentations were. ‘With a shoulder-lap seat belt the shoulder strap took the brunt of the force. That could cause damage to the carotid. Could you check his distal pulse?’
She studied the monitor for a moment. Blood oximetry was fine, and when Angus felt a pulse in Mike’s wrist, she was reassured that any loss of blood was not life-threatening.
Yet.
She examined his chest, and felt the ribs under the seat belt, but there was no palpable damage.
‘Would the big rig slow for the crossing, do you know?’ she asked the ambos.
They both shook their heads, but one said, ‘I wouldn’t think so. The place is usually deserted at night.’
‘So a high-speed collision, rapid deceleration, possible internal injuries including damage to carotid artery.’ She checked the fluid line again then poked her head outside the ambulance.
Paul was standing nearby.
‘Possible internal bleeding from damage to the carotid. Can we lift him immediately?’ she asked.
Blake, who was over to one side, watching as the car was extricated, came across, took in the information the monitor was now offering and hesitated.
‘It’s unlikely anyone in the car survived, but if they did, he or she will be seriously injured and will need immediate transport. We can work on them on the flight. Can you hold him a little longer?’
Kate nodded.
‘We’ll need to keep up the fluids and open up a bigger port in case he needs a rapid infusion,’ she said to Angus as Blake hurried away.
‘IO?’ Angus suggested, but Kate already had the intraosseus pack in her hand and was holding the drill that would insert a needle into the bone marrow, while the ambo, who’d kept up with the exchange, was cutting their patient’s shirt and opening it up.
‘Here, let me,’ Angus said, taking the drill from her as she used a sterile wipe to clean the site on the man’s unaffected shoulder, at the head of the humerus. ‘We use this more often than not in field situations,’ Angus assured her, ‘and I promise I’ve never once drilled right through the bone.’
Kate had to smile. It was always a worry, although the devices they used now for IO infusion were very sophisticated. With this access, they could deliver anticoagulant drugs to ward off a possible stroke and add high-volume drugs should the patient go into cardiac arrest.
Kate administered a local anaesthetic and watched as Angus drilled, then inserted a wide-bore cannula.
Working together, they set up a fluid line to keep the port open, and, while Angus watched for any change in their patient’s condition, Kate continued her examination. The seat belt had left abrasions across the driver’s chest and lap, and the depth and severity of them told her how violent the impact had been. Once in hospital, there’d be scans that would show the extent of the damage to the chest and abdomen.
Yet, even with possibly serious injuries, he was luckier than the people in the car. It had been dislodged from under the prime mover, and the damage told a grim story even before the firies started cutting out the bodies. Two people, driver and passenger, and neither had survived, which dampened the spirits of the SDR crew as they flew home with the rig driver.
Kate did the handover in one of the resus rooms in the ED, hoping they’d got the man to the hospital quickly enough to be saved, although she couldn’t help wondering whether, if they’d flown him out earlier, his chances would have been better.
‘You only do what you can,’ came a voice from behind her as she left the hospital.
She knew before she turned that it was Angus.
‘I’ll walk you home,’ he said, and because she was tired, not to mention doubtful about the outcome for her patient, she was hardly gracious.
‘It’s two blocks and broad daylight, I don’t need to be walked home.’
‘Ah, but my hotel is just across the road from your apartment building, and I might have been suggesting it because I needed to be walked home, only asking you to walk me home might have seemed a bit unmanly.’
Worried as she was, Kate had to smile. She turned to face him, taking in his height and breadth, and the aura of strength that hung around him, contrasting sharply with the gentleness in his dark eyes.
‘Unmanly?’ she echoed. ‘That’s not an assumption many people would make!’
He held out his arm, crooked at the elbow.
‘So, shall we walk each other home?’ he said, and somewhere deep inside a little bit of the Kate she used to be began to unfurl, like the petal on a tight rosebud. She slipped her hand inside his arm, telling herself it was just a friendly gesture, except that he cheated and turned his hand to grasp hers, linking them even closer together.
She should protest.
Move away!
But walking like this with Angus was warming places that had been cold for a very long time. Was it so very wrong to be enjoying it?
Well, probably, yes, given the secret she held so tightly in her heart.
But he’d be gone tomorrow, back to his own life, and she’d be back at work in Theatre and studying after hours, with exams drawing closer, so how could this little bit of closeness hurt?
He gave her hand a squeeze and because this was just for now, she squeezed back.
She pulled away from him as they reached the apartment block, intending to say a cool goodbye, but he caught her hand again, turning so he was facing her.
‘Can I see you again?’
She shook her head.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
He looked puzzled so, although he hadn’t asked why not, she added, ‘You’re married, aren’t you? You and Michelle? After all, that was what you went to island for—checking it out for a honeymoon.’
He smiled.
‘I’d forgotten that’s why I’d gone to the island—well, I hadn’t thought about it for a while. No, we didn’t marry.’
She waited, not wanting to ask why but aware he had more to say.
‘She broke it off. I’d been away, came back changed, she said. And she was probably right. I felt different, less certain of things, not only between us but about life in general.’
Because of what had happened between us? Kate wondered, guilt biting deep inside her.
But before she could say anything, Angus was speaking again.
‘And it didn’t help telling her about you—about what had happened on the island.’
‘You told her about the island? About the night we spent together? Oh, Angus, why on earth would you do that? It was one night. We were in another world—we knew it didn’t mean anything but relief, or celebration, or something. I can’t—’ She looked up into his face as she said it, and saw that he still disagreed.
And understood.
His integrity would have insisted he tell, while she, Kate, had held onto her own secret, although it hadn’t really been a secret until Angus had reappeared in her life.
And telling now? Wouldn’t he feel the pain she’d felt? Those endless, sleepless nights and empty aching arms? Did he deserve that?
She shook away the thoughts and tried to ignore the cold, hard lump inside her.
‘I need some sleep,’ she said, and turned away from him, although she knew sleep would be impossible.
She made her way up to the apartment in a daze, ate some cereal—soggy—and toast—cold—and tried to pretend it had been just another callout.
‘I’m sorry about the breakfast but I always get it ready when I hear the helicopter land,’ Alice was explaining. ‘Did you have a lot to do when you got back that you were late?’
Kate shook her head. The driver of the road train would have had a battery of tests and was probably getting appropriate treatment right now.
And the two young people, their lives cut short, were being taken by road transport to the nearest hospital.
‘Bad, was it?’ Alice asked, guessing from her silence that things hadn’t gone well.
‘Just about as bad as it gets,’ Kate said, and then, knowing Alice would see or hear a report on a news broadcast, she added, ‘It was a road train against a small car and the two young people in the car were killed.’
‘That’s shocking,’ Alice said. ‘So dreadful for their families.’
She paused, then added, ‘But surely we should always take something from these terrible things—from such waste of life. Shouldn’t it make us think about our own lives?’
Kate looked at the woman who had taken her in when she’d been at her lowest ebb and had coaxed her slowly back to at least a semblance of normal life.
‘Do you have regrets about your life? Wish you’d done things differently?’
Alice smiled and shook her head.
‘I’m talking about you, my dear. I know you’re busy with your studies but life is meant to be lived, Kate. You should get out more, meet people away from your work. Those two had their lives taken from them, you still have yours and for their sakes, if nothing more, you should make the most of it.’
‘And being the best surgeon I possibly can be isn’t making the most of it?’ Kate retorted.
Alice just shook her head and began to clear the table.
But Alice’s words, perhaps because she so rarely talked about personal things and this was twice in two days, remained with Kate as she headed to her bedroom. And a hot shower failed to wash them away, so they lingered in her head, preventing any possibility of sleep. She heard the front door of the apartment open and shut and knew Alice had gone to help out at the charity shop down the road—Animal Welfare on Fridays. Alice’s life was nothing if not predictable.
Giving up on sleep, Kate pulled on shorts and a light singlet. She’d go for a run, head out along the coastal path towards Coogee. Exercise and fresh, salty air would surely make her sleepy.
She enjoyed running, and today was even more special as the sun sparkled on the ocean while a gentle breeze kept her cool, and concentrating on where she put her feet and dodging walkers on the path kept her mind off both Angus’s revelation and Alice’s lecture.
She’d moved to the side of the path to allow a young woman jogging with a toddler in a stroller to pass in the opposite direction when she noticed the tall, upright figure striding—marching?—along the path in front of her.
Her heart flipped, and confusion fogged her mind—secrets, he’s not married, another secret, her secret, and living life before it was too late all jumbled in her head.
And if she kept running she’d have to pass him.
Just run past?
Could she do that?
Not really!
Turn around and go back?
She usually ran as far as the huge cemetery, where sloping grounds gave such a wide view of the ocean, and to turn before that—well, it was hardly a run at all...
The memory of the young lives cut short sent her forward, slowing as she reached the marching man.
‘Couldn’t sleep?’ she said, slowing to a jog beside him. ‘I couldn’t either, but running always helps.’
He turned his head and looked at her for a moment, not breaking stride.
‘The team should have had a debrief after an incident like that—after every incident, in fact.’
‘We do, although today, because Blake went with the bodies to the nearest hospital, we’ll have it later. Probably this evening. Mabel will let us know.’
‘Jogging is bad for your knees and ankles,’ he muttered, in an even more critical tone.
‘I don’t usually jog, I run,’ she told him, curt to the point just short of rudeness because the man was causing so many strange reactions in her body. ‘I’m jogging out of politeness to keep up with you, although you obviously don’t want company, so I’ll keep running.’
And she ran on, building up speed until she was running almost flat out by the time she reached her goal.
But even at full speed she couldn’t outrun her awareness of Angus, stoically marching along the track behind her.
She settled on a grassy patch in the middle of the cemetery, beside a carved marble statue of a cherub that presided over the grave of a small boy who’d died back in 1892. His name had been Joshua and she’d been drawn to him although he’d lived for seven months, while her child, also a boy, had not lived at all.
And although her occasional chats with Joshua usually comforted her, today her thoughts were with her baby—Jasper she’d called him—and the way he’d felt in her arms as she’d held him that one time—
Had she been so lost in memories of that terrible day that she hadn’t seen Angus approaching?
‘Sorry I was grumpy,’ he said, hovering above her. ‘I couldn’t sleep.’
He squatted down to read Joshua’s memorial.
‘I suppose parents in those days were aware their kids could die young,’ he added, settling himself comfortably on the grass beside her as if it was the most natural thing in the world for them to be sharing this particular patch of grass.
Her patch of grass!
Hers and Jasper’s...
‘Do you think that would have lessened their grief?’ she asked, handing him the water bottle she’d pulled from her small backpack, while certain she knew the answer to the question.
Nothing lessens grief like that...
He tipped his head back to drink and she saw the strong column of his neck, the slight bump of his Adam’s apple, and added the images to others that she had of Angus, stored away safely in the back of her mind, only taken out to study on very rare occasions.
‘No,’ he said, startling her out of her dreams as he returned the bottle, his fingers brushing hers, confusing her body with the intimacy of a single touch.
‘It could never be easy. I keep thinking of the families of those young people today. I’ve seen too many young people die, Kate, and the more I see, the more I think we owe them something. Owe it to them not to waste our own lives—to make the most of whatever time we have—not solely in pursuit of pleasure but both in work and play.’
Kate was silent for a moment, then admitted, ‘Alice was saying much the same thing to me this morning. It was why I couldn’t sleep.’
Was she saying what he thought she was? Angus hesitated, wondering if he could put it to the test.
Nothing ventured, he reminded himself.
‘So, if I asked very nicely, would you come to dinner with me?’
‘Is that you asking, or asking if you can ask?’
She smiled as she said it and Angus took it as a small victory.
He laughed.
‘I could say pretty please, but someone my size talking like that would be making a joke of it, and I’m not joking. I’d like to see you again, see you socially, nothing heavy or complicated, just a “‘getting to know you” kind of arrangement.’
He wasn’t really holding his breath, but studying the cherub on the grave gave him a chance to watch Kate’s face more surreptitiously than staring at it. He could almost see the argument going on in her head, read it in the shadows in her eyes—more grey today—reflecting the sea?
‘Okay,’ she finally said, turning to face him, ‘but it will be dependent on Blake and when he wants to do a debrief.’
She didn’t smile and something about the set of her face suggested she was pushing herself to accept.
Because she’d been a loner for a long time?
Because whatever had made her that way had left her scarred?
He was surprised to find that it hurt him to think of Kate hurting—scarred by something that had changed her so much.
‘I’m flexible,’ he said, ‘and as I’d like to be part of the debrief we can make it before or after—whatever works.’
She stood up and stretched, her long, lightly tanned legs mesmerising him, her body reminding him—
Nothing heavy or complicated, he reminded himself.
‘Are you walking on to Coogee?’ she asked, and he shook his head.
‘Then we might as well walk back together.’
Without waiting for a reply, she reached out a hand to pull him to his feet, and as he grasped it he wondered just how hard it would be to keep things light between them. Whatever magnetic force that had taken them to that dry bed in Cabin Thirty-Two—whispered to him by one of the staff as they saw the last of the injured and shocked guests off in the helicopter three years ago—was still alive and well between them. Or it was on his part, anyway.
* * *
The debrief, held late in the afternoon, eventually came to discuss whether the train driver should have been airlifted out immediately it was discovered there could be internal bleeding. The patient’s falling blood pressure had suggested that scenario, and although holding onto him until they’d known the condition of the passengers in the car hadn’t made any difference to his outcome, had the bleeding been worse, it could have been fatal.
Discussing it rationally, without the pressure of the emergency situation, was one of the ways they could improve their actions in the field, and was one of the important parts of the debrief.
‘I think we were right to wait,’ Kate said, although she’d been the one who’d asked for immediate evacuation. ‘He was relatively stable and we had the IO line open if he’d needed massive doses of drugs or blood products. The ambulance attendants had started fluid resus and he had a distal pulse. The internal bleeding could have been from a tear to his carotid from the seat belt crossing his shoulder, or damage to an internal vein or artery from the lap-band of the seatbelt. There was no palpable swelling in his abdomen to suggest a lap-band tear and his trachea showed no signs of deviation so if there was bleeding from the carotid it wasn’t affecting his airway.’
‘Yet you suggested lifting him sooner?’
Kate smiled at Blake.
‘Don’t we always think the patient we’re tending is the most important? Besides, it made minimal difference. The car was already out from under the road train and it was only a matter of minutes before you’d have ascertained if either of the occupants was alive. By the time we had Mr Grosvenor in the chopper you were able to tell us to take off.’
‘Thankfully,’ Blake said, and after a short general discussion the meeting broke up with Blake’s usual reminder of the availability of a counsellor should any of them want to talk.
‘Does he always beat himself up over what happened?’ Angus asked as they walked out of the hospital.
‘That wasn’t exactly beating himself up,’ Kate protested. ‘He’s just determined that we should be the best we can, and it’s only by going over the things we did—or sometimes didn’t do—that we can improve.’
‘But he had to hold the helicopter until he knew there were no survivors in the car,’ Angus said. ‘Anyone would.’
Kate stopped at the always open gates into the hospital and looked out over the shops and restaurants that lined the front to the ocean beyond.
‘Are we going to continue to discuss this all through dinner?” she asked, and caught the surprise on Angus’s face.
He held up his hands in mock surrender.
‘Sorry, I get carried away.’ There was a little pause before he half smiled and admitted, ‘Actually, I’m incredibly nervous about this dinner.’
Kate grinned at him.
‘Snap,’ she said. ‘I think the last time I felt this way was when I was fifteen and a boy I liked at school asked if I’d go to the pictures with him.’
‘And did you?’ Angus asked as they walked on. ‘Go to the pictures with him?’
‘I did,’ Kate said, ‘and we had popcorn and a milkshake and I got such a shock when he put his arm around my shoulders, I spilled the milkshake all over my dress. He did walk me home but he never asked me out again.’
‘First dates!’ Angus said, a small smile flirting around his lips.
‘Tell me about yours,’ Kate said, as they reached the promenade and turned to walk along it.
‘Fifteen, and when I tried to kiss her, Michelle slapped my face.’
‘Michelle?’ Kate gasped. ‘The Michelle you were going to marry? You went out with her from when you were fifteen?’
Guilt that she might have caused the break-up of such a long-standing relationship filled her chest, leaving her breathless as she waited for his reply.
‘Why not?’ Angus said, confirming Kate’s worst fears.
‘Well...’
What to say?
Did people still do that? Go out with each other exclusively from the age of fifteen?
‘Did you go out with other people in between?’ she asked, desperately hoping it had been an on-and-off relationship from the beginning.
‘Off and on, both of us, but somehow we always ended up back together,’ Angus said, sounding as unemotional as someone discussing the weather.
They’d been together fifteen years—she knew he’d been thirty when she’d met him—then had broken up after—
One night of madness...
Only it hadn’t been madness, well, not to her. It had been as natural and necessary as the air she’d breathed.
The memory still felt that way.
But now the conversation, harmless as it had seemed at first, had erected a barrier between them, a wall of stupid, residual guilt as palpable as glass.
* * *
Angus wondered what she was thinking. They’d been chatting amiably enough and now even he, who wasn’t always attuned to nuances in conversation or tension in the air, realised something had shifted.
Because he’d only ever seriously dated Michelle?
Surely not!
Time for a conversation change.
‘Where’s good to eat?’ he asked, and when Kate looked blankly at him he added, ‘Well, you’re the local.’
‘The bistro at the lifesavers’ building,’ she told him. ‘There, on the rocks at the end of the beach.’
‘The place beside the swimming pool in the rocks?’
‘That’s it,’ she said, picking up speed as they headed towards it.
Escaping him or the conversation?
But the beauty of the night caught him, pushing away the awkwardness he’d felt. A pale half-moon had appeared just above the horizon, and its silvery light turned the unusually calm ocean into a sea of mercury.
‘It’s unbelievable—the beauty of the ocean,’ he murmured, and she stopped and turned so they stood beside each other to admire the view.
‘It is,’ she said, and took his hand, squeezed his fingers. ‘Thank you for reminding me. Living here, it’s easy to take it for granted.’
He looked down at her, at the dark hair that curled around her head like a cap, at neat brows and long eyelashes. Had she felt his gaze that she looked up, and her lips were right there?
He touched her cheek, lightly, and sensed her hesitation, then whatever it was that had flared between them on the island sent colour to her cheeks as she lifted her lips to meet his.
The kiss was slow, exploratory really, but it loosened something deep inside him that had been tight for a long time. Her lips were soft and warm against his, and her skin smelt of the beach, and sun, and flowers he couldn’t name, and of a woman he’d kissed three years ago...
They turned and walked again, closer now, her hand in his, and the silence sat more easily between them.
But it didn’t stop the doubts raging in Kate’s head.
This was stupid, getting closer to Angus when all the physical stuff that had thrown them together once before was obviously still there between them...
The physical stuff that had led where it had...
It was only dinner!
And if dinner led to another dinner—even a date?
Led further?
How fair would that be, getting involved with him and not telling him.
She should tell him.
And just what would that achieve? Quite apart from the pain she could feel just thinking about talking about it, how would it affect him?
Wouldn’t it hurt him too?
And if it didn’t—
No, she couldn’t tell him—couldn’t talk about it—not without bringing up those traumatic days and the agony of grief that had followed them.
The pain that still hit her when she saw a small child—
‘—heard a word I’ve said?’
She turned to the man who was causing her so much confusion.
‘Sorry, miles away.’
And thinking unhappy thoughts, Angus decided, seeing sadness in her eyes as she’d looked up at him.
‘Well, that’s okay, because it wasn’t very interesting chatter anyway,’ he said, but her distraction reminded him of the ‘loner’ tag she had at the hospital. Wasn’t that why he was hanging around Bondi? To see if he could find out what had changed her?
Not that it was any of his business, but he’d liked the Kate he’d met at the island, and maybe he could find her again beneath the shell she’d built around herself.
Oh, yes? a voice in his head taunted. You want to see more of her for purely altruistic reasons? To find out why she’s changed? Nothing to do with the attraction you feel towards her? The physical attraction you felt back then, that’s still there between you? The attraction you’d like to follow up on? Have a bit of a fling?
Except instinct told him that Kate wasn’t a ‘just a fling’ kind of woman. A woman he could enjoy and walk away from.
Yet, if he’d hurt her in some way? If his actions had somehow contributed to the change in her personality, shouldn’t he make an effort to sort things out?
And a fling would do that? that voice in his head said mockingly, and he pushed all the useless thoughts away and concentrated on his guest.
‘That rock pool looks fantastic. Someone was telling me there are people who swim here all year round.’
‘Not me!’ Kate assured him. ‘I rarely go into the ocean until November when it’s warmed up enough that I don’t turn blue with cold.’
And just like that, things were easy between them again.
They were shown to a table by a window, far enough from other diners that they could talk freely, Kate asking him about his last posting, which he glossed over with a shrug and as few details as he could get away with.
Ordering dinner made a natural break in the conversation, so when that was done, he diverted the conversation back to her.
‘And you?’ he asked. ‘Why surgery?’
For a moment, it seemed as if she might not answer, then she turned from the contemplation of the darkness beyond the window and looked directly at him, so he could see her face and read every expression on it.
‘I liked the surgical work we did during training and then thought I’d follow up, but general surgery isn’t as easy as it sounds and I’m determined to do well at it.’
‘Why?’ he asked again.
She frowned at him, although he was sure she knew full well what this question meant.
He leaned forward and touched one finger to her chin, a silent prompt.
‘I wanted to do it for myself, to prove to myself I can be the best—or the best I can be.’ She hesitated, then sighed as if she’d decided it was easier to get it all out than for him to keep prompting her. ‘My parents were both high-fliers—lawyers—disappointed when I chose to study medicine instead of law. They’d wanted me to join the family firm, take it over in time. So, I felt I’d let the family down—failed.’

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