Her Baby Wish
Her Baby Wish
Patricia Thayer
From marriage miracle to baby miracle Kira lit up Trace McKane’s life when she said ‘I do’ – yet when no baby McKanes came, they lost sight of their precious bond. But when their name reaches the top of the adoption list, Trace returns to stand firm and strong by his brave, beautiful wife’s side.Kira’s touched by how far Trace will go to make her dreams come true. Looking up at her husband as if for the first time, she realises she has all the family she needs. It’s then that she’s given a miracle…Baby on Board From bump to baby and beyond…
BABY ON BOARD
From bump to baby and beyond…
Whether she’s expecting or they’re adopting—a special arrival is on its way!
Follow the tears and triumphs as these couples find their lives blessed with the magic of parenthood…
Look out for more Baby on Board stories coming soon from Mills & Boon
Romance!
Next month there is a
BOARDROOM BABY SURPRISE
by
Jackie Braun
Dear Reader
The idea for this story came to me years ago, but it wasn’t until recently that I had the opportunity to write it. HER BABY WISH is a different concept for a romance. My hero and heroine, Trace and Kira, are married, and their love is stretched to breaking point when they have to deal with the problem of infertility.
I was blessed by having three relatively easy pregnancies that gave me three healthy sons. That’s not always the case with so many couples, who go through the heartache of not being able to conceive a child. Trace and Kira McKane are one of those couples. In fact things have got so bad between them that Trace has moved out of the house.
Kira blames herself. A secret from her past drives her obsession for a child. So much so that she turns to adoption and, when they’re offered the opportunity for a baby, talks Trace into coming back home to play the part of loving husband. Soon they discover love again, and together weather disappointment as they take the journey back to each other.
Enjoy
Patricia Thayer
Originally born and raised in Muncie, Indiana, PATRICIA THAYER was the second of eight children. She attended Ball State University, and soon afterwards headed west. Over the years she’s made frequent visits back to the Midwest, trying to keep up with her family’s numerous weddings and births, but Patricia has called Orange County, California, home for many years. She not only enjoys the warm climate, but also the company and support of other published authors in the local writers’ organisation. For the past eighteen years she has had the unwavering support and encouragement of her critique group. It’s a sisterhood like no other.
When not working on a story, you might find her travelling the United States and Europe, taking in the scenery and doing story research while thoroughly enjoying herself, accompanied by Steve, her husband for over thirty-six years. Together they have three grown sons and three grandsons. As she calls them, her own true-life heroes. On rare days off from writing you might catch her at Disneyland, spoiling those grandkids rotten! She also volunteers for the Grandparent Autism Network.
Patricia has written for over twenty years and has authored over thirty books. She has been nominated for both the National Readers’ Choice Award and the prestigious RITA®. Her book NOTHING SHORT OF A MIRACLE won a Romantic Times Reviewer’s Choice award. She has been a guest reader at elementary schools and lectured aspiring authors. A long-time member of Romance Writers of America, she has served as President and held many other board positions for her local chapter in Orange County. She’s a firm believer in giving back.
Check her website at www.patriciathayer.com for upcoming books.
HER BABY WISH
BY
PATRICIA THAYER
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
To all the couples
who know the struggles and pain of infertility.
I pray you all will be blessed some day.
And a special congratulation to Michelle and Rod.
CHAPTER ONE
“I NEED you to come back home.”
Trace McKane’s grip tightened on the pitchfork as he spread fresh straw around Black Thunder’s stall. He’d waited two long months to hear his wife say those words. The only problem was she didn’t exactly sound sincere, and too many harsh words had passed between them to repair the damage so casually.
“I can’t see how that’s going to change anything.” He continued to cover the floor as if Kira’s presence hadn’t affected him at all. But it had. He’d give up the family’s Colorado ranch to have things back like they were before their problems started. And from the look of things lately, that might not be too far from the truth.
“Trace, please, just hear me out,” she said.
He stopped his chores and finally looked at her. “Why, Kira? Haven’t we said enough?” He straightened and tipped his hat back off his forehead. This was the first time he’d chanced a close up look at his wife since he’d moved out. She’d kept her distance, and so had he.
She placed her hands on her hips. “Oh, you made your feelings perfectly clear. Things got rough so you walked out, without even trying to work things out.”
“We were getting nowhere.”
Kira Hyatt McKane was a natural beauty with curly wheat-blond hair that hung to her shoulders. She had an oval face, with a scattering of freckles across a straight nose and full, pouty lips. Her large brown eyes locked with his, causing his pulse to shoot into overdrive.
He wasn’t going to take the bait and fight with her. “It’s better I moved into the bunkhouse,” he told her. He hated that they couldn’t make their marriage work.
Yeah, he’d been running away. He’d spent a lot of time moving the herd to a higher pasture for the approaching summer. Many of those nights he’d slept under the stars, anything to keep from facing his lonely bunk. To keep from thinking about how he couldn’t—no matter how much he loved Kira—make his marriage work.
“We both needed a breather.”
God knew he’d missed her. The torture went on as his gaze moved over her navy T-shirt and the faded jeans that hugged her curves. Shapely hips and legs that he’d touched and caressed so often that he knew where every freckle was hidden. He also knew exactly where to touch to bring her pleasure.
He glanced away. Don’t go there. That was past history. Their future together was bleak. He never thought he was a greedy man. He’d only wanted a traditional marriage; a wife to come home to and children to carry on the legacy of the ranch.
That had been when the trouble started, when their marriage began to crumble and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.
“Spring is a busy time,” he told her. Especially this year since he had that payment due to his half brother, Jarrett. And it didn’t look like there was much chance he could come up with the money.
Kira shook her head. “I know, Trace.” She sighed. “And turning away from our problems doesn’t help.”
He cursed. “Yes, Kira, we have problems, but face it, lately we’ve been unable to come to terms with things. And I’m tired of beating my head against a wall.” When he saw tears form in her eyes, he wanted to kick himself.
“I never meant for it to be this way.”
He shrugged. The last thing he wanted was to argue. In the months before their separation that was all they’d done. Then they’d stopped talking altogether. What broke his heart was knowing he hadn’t been able to give her what she needed.
“I just wanted us to be a real family,” she added in a whispered voice.
“You had a funny way of showing it.” He’d needed her to stand by him, and help him with his struggles with the ranch, but she was obsessed with her own problems.
Her eyes filled with tears. “There might have been a solution to help us both.”
How many times had they tried? Even counseling, with some stranger listening to every way he’d failed his wife. He’d done about everything he could think of to make their marriage work. “How? More counseling?”
Kira shook her head. “I never should have asked you to go to counseling. I’m the one who’s got the problem,” she said, her voice husky with emotion. “I’m the one who needs to deal with things.”
“As long as you feel that way, then you don’t need me around.”
Kira stepped closer and began to speak, but stopped. With a swallow, she tried again. “But, Trace, I do need you. I need you to stay with me another six months so I can have a baby, then you can have your divorce.”
Trace glared at her. “What the hell?”
So finally she’d gotten his attention.
The first moment she’d seen Trace McKane, Kira knew for sure that he was the perfect man for her. That hadn’t changed. Tall and lean, the handsome cowboy had gained his muscular build from years of working the McKane’s Cattle Ranch. He had brown hair that always hung too long, brushing his shirt collar. His green-gray eyes were deep-set and when he looked at her she felt he could see into her soul. At first that had intrigued her, now it frightened her. The past months apart told her she didn’t want to face a future without Trace. He was the one person she’d allowed to get close when she’d come to Winchester Ridge, Colorado, to take a guidance counselor job at the high school.
But there were some secrets she could never share…with anyone.
Now it was too late to do anything to save their marriage. “We received a letter today,” she said, pulling the folded envelope out of her pocket. “It’s from the adoption agency.” Her voice trembled. “We’ve passed another screening for a baby.”
Trace’s eyes narrowed, then he threw his head back and laughed. “It’s a joke, right?”
She didn’t expect this reaction. “No.”
“So for months we’ve been giving everyone the impression that we’re the perfect couple and acceptable parents. Then we break up and we get the okay.”
Kira squared her shoulders and looked him in the eye.
“No one knows you moved out, and I don’t want anyone to. Not yet. Not until we receive a baby.”
He froze, his jaw clenched. “If you want the divorce so bad, then adopt as a single parent.” He tossed the pitchfork against the railing and marched out of the stall.
Kira hurried after him. “Trace, wait. Just hear me out.” His fast pace had her nearly running to keep up. “We’ll both get what we want. I’ll have a baby, and you’ll be free to marry someone who can give you what you want…children.”
He stopped abruptly. “You have everything figured out, don’t you?”
She shrugged, trying to hide her pain, wishing he’d say he’d stay with her and together they’d raise the baby. “No, but I know you want your own children. I can’t give you that.”
His eyes flashed his pain. “Yeah, I wanted a child—with you. But it didn’t happen, and I wasn’t enough for you.” Without waiting for another word, he started out of the barn, leaving her in shock.
“It wouldn’t be enough for you, Trace,” Rushing after him, she caught up to him again on the small porch of the bunkhouse. “I loved you and our life together.” She meant it. Her life on the ranch with Trace had been perfect. For a while. Then her dream had slowly unraveled. It seemed as if God were punishing her for her past. She didn’t want Trace to be punished because of her. That’s the reason she had to put an end to this.
She forced away the thought. “Trace, I have a chance for a child…maybe my only chance. You can remarry and have a dozen children. So if you could be happier without me, I’m willing to let you go.”
Trace closed his eyes and gripped the wooden post. He didn’t know if he could handle this again. Their marriage had gone through so much turmoil while they’d tried several procedures to be able to conceive a baby. Toward the end, he couldn’t take the look on her face every time they failed, until finally, the pressure drove her from him. He might have been the one who’d moved out of the house, but emotionally Kira had left him long before that.
Now, after long weeks of separation, he’d become reconciled to losing her. Then her sudden appearance today made him ache with want and need. But she was here only because of her need for a child, and to end their marriage.
“Do you honestly think we can pull this off? The last words we spoke to each other weren’t exactly loving.”
“The pressure is off now,” she said. “We just have to go through the motions of being a couple. I’ve accepted that I may never conceive a baby, but I can still have a child.” She held out the letter. “The agency says we’ve met their requirements and we can move on to the next step.”
How could he forget the classes, the long interviews, the background checks. They’d even been fingerprinted. He glanced from the paper in her hand to the hopeful look on her face. He felt the familiar tug in his chest.
“They’ll send someone out for a home study. To visit with us and see our home.”
“So what do you want me to do? Play the loving husband?”
She rested her hand on his arm, her dark eyes pleading. “Would that be so hard?”
Damn, she didn’t play fair and he had trouble denying her anything. “I don’t think we can pull it off, Kira. Not where we are right now.”
She paused. “It’s only for about six months. That’s how long it takes for the adoption to be final.” She looked sad. “Is it that hard to pretend you love me?”
The next evening, seated at the kitchen table at the house, Kira tried to finish the end-of-the-year paperwork, but her mind kept wandering back to Trace.
“What else is new?” she grumbled as she got up and went to the coffeemaker. After refilling her mug, she walked to the window and stared out at the breathtaking view of the Roan Plateau. She’d come to love this place. So different from the busy streets of Denver.
Five years ago she’d come to Winchester Ridge to start a new life. With her new college degree in hand, she’d come to interview for a teaching position at the high school. She’d gotten the job and needed a place to live.
The town’s real estate broker, Jarrett McKane, had shown her an apartment, then taken her to lunch. At the local café, they’d run into his younger brother, Trace.
It had been an instant attraction. After that she’d accepted a few more dates from Jarrett in the hope of running into Trace.
Finally two weeks later, the rugged rancher showed up at school and asked her out. It seemed like forever before he kissed her, but it had been well worth the wait. She closed her eyes, remembering his slow hands skimming over her, softly caressing her skin.
Trace’s kisses were lethal. She remembered each touch of his lips against her heated flesh. How hungry he’d made her, stirring her desire. Suddenly warmth ran down her spine settling low in her stomach. Her eyes shot open as she groaned in frustration.
“Oh God,” she whispered as she sank against the counter, her body aching. Never in her life had anyone made her feel the way Trace McKane had. After her parents’ automobile accident and death, she’d been alone for a lot of years. She’d thought she’d finally found a home, a place where she could belong.
Yesterday, she’d wanted to beg Trace to come home, but her own pain and hurt prevented it. She knew the past few months she’d been horrible to live with. But how could any man understand the anguish she’d gone through, not just with the pain of her disease, but knowing she hadn’t been able to conceive a baby?
She glanced back through the window, seeing the light on in the bunkhouse. “Oh, Trace, would you have loved me if you knew the truth about me?”
The past flooded back. She tried to push it away, but it always hovered close enough to force her to remember, taking the brightness away from any happiness she tried to grasp. Maybe the guilt had been what drove her, caused her to keep pushing Trace away.
The familiar sadness blanketed her. With each passing month her fertility problems had loomed ever darker. With the endometriosis, her chances diminished daily until the day would come when she’d probably need more surgery to relieve her of the recurring scar tissue.
But with the passing of time, her dreams seemed to be fading anyway, along with her marriage.
The sound of the back door opening caught Kira’s attention. Living this far out in the country, she knew it could only be Jonah Calhoun, the ranch foreman. Or Trace. Her heart raced as she waited, and her hopes were rewarded when her husband walked into the kitchen.
She tried to breathe but it was difficult. Trace McKane still affected her in the same way he had when she’d first met him. It was obvious he had just showered and put on a fresh shirt and jeans. Hope spread through her as she realized he might have done it for her.
“Hi,” she managed. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”
He nodded. “I could use one.” He walked to the counter and took the steaming mug she offered. Then Kira picked up her cup and started for the table.
“I thought caffeine was bad for your condition,” he said.
She was touched that he remembered. “I usually don’t drink it, but tonight I have work to finish. I need all the help I can get to stay alert.”
“I guess school is getting out soon. So it looks like it’s going to be a busy time for both of us.” He drank from his cup, then studied her. She felt the heat of his silver gaze spread over her, warming her. She hated they were talking so politely, when she desperately wanted him to take her into his arms and tell her he wanted to move back permanently to be her husband and father to her baby.
He glanced away. “Cal wants to know if you’re still planning the senior roundup to be here this year.”
She nodded. “I hope to. The kids have been talking about it for weeks. That is, if it’s okay with you?”
He shrugged. “Not a problem. Cal just wants a head count so we’ll know how many hands we need to hire.”
Trace leaned against the counter, trying to relax. Impossible. Since his dad’s death three years ago, he’d had to run the cattle operation mostly on his own.
“Do you have a date set for the roundup?” she asked.
“In two weeks.”
She nodded. “That’s perfect. Graduation will be over, so we don’t have to worry about interrupting study time.”
Trace hated the silence lingering between them. What he hated most of all was feeling like a stranger in his own house, a stranger to his wife.
“Have you given any thought to what we talked about?” she finally asked him.
“It’s kind of hard not to.” He shifted his weight trying to ease the tightness in his chest. “You tell a man you want to adopt a child, and in the same breath give him his walking papers.”
“I’m sorry, Trace. I never wanted it to turn out this way. But in the end it might be best for both of us.”
He heard the tears in her voice. “Is it really that easy, Kira? Well, it’s not for me. If I agree I also sign papers for this child. I’m responsible for him or her, too.”
“Trace, I know I’m asking a lot.”
“No, you don’t,” he interrupted her. “You’re asking me to move back into the house and take responsibility for a child, then just to walk away.”
She wanted more, so much more from him. But she couldn’t ask for another chance. “I don’t expect to have things be like they once were. Yes, we have to live in the same house, but if we’re lucky enough to get a baby, I’ll handle all the child’s needs. I won’t ask for any help.”
He was silent for a long time. “And after the six months, I sign away all rights to the child.”
He made it sound so calculating. She managed a nod.
He cursed and turned away.
“Please, Trace, I’m afraid if we tell the agency we’re not together now, then later, I’ll have to start from the beginning as a single parent.”
He drove his fingers through his hair. “I’m not sure I can do this, Kira.”
She bit down on her lower lip. “Please, I want this opportunity, Trace. It might be my last chance.”
Trace fought to control his anger. It had always been about a baby. What about them? Why couldn’t she offer to work out their problems? Instead of wanting to push him aside when he wasn’t needed any more.
“Trace, I don’t magically expect us to return to our roles of husband and wife. I’ll move into the guest room and you can have your bedroom back.”
This was all so crazy. Trace wasn’t sure if he could resist Kira, living under the same roof. If he moved back into the house now, it’d be damn difficult to resist going to her bed.
He placed his coffee mug in the sink, then went to her, bracing his hands on either side of her. He stared into those honey-brown eyes, knowing there were secrets hidden in their depths. Secrets she wouldn’t share with anyone, not even with him. “You talk about this situation like it’s a business transaction. I have my doubts about us being able to pull this off.”
She swallowed hard, but didn’t speak.
His attention went to her mouth, tempting him like no woman ever had. His heart raced and his gut tightened. He ached to taste her, to stir up those feelings that made him crazy with need. It had been so long.
“Trace.” Her voice was a throaty whisper as her hand came up to his face. “Can’t we try?”
Her sultry voice swept over him like a caress. He closed his eyes, picturing her in their bed, willing and wanton, welcoming his kisses, his touches as he moved over her heated body.
“Damn you, Kira.” His mouth closed over hers in a hungry kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he jerked her against his body already hard with desire. Her mouth opened on a sigh, and he dove inside to taste her. He moved against her, hungry for the contact. It wasn’t enough, he needed all of her.
But Kira couldn’t give it to him. Would they ever be able to be what the other needed?
He broke off the kiss and stepped back. “I’ve got to go.” He headed to the door only to have her call to him.
He didn’t turn around, knowing he’d weaken to her request. “Kira, I need more time.”
“Please, Trace.” She hesitated. “Just keep up the pretense that we’re married until you decide what to do.”
In his heart Trace would always be married to Kira. He’d loved her since the moment he laid eyes on her. That hadn’t changed. But could he hang around and watch their marriage die a slow agonizing death?
He faced her. “So you expect me live in limbo until the adoption goes through?” The words stuck in his throat.
She blinked, looking surprised. “No. I’m asking if you would give it six months until they give us permanent custody. After that I won’t try to hold you, or make you responsible for the child. I’ll move into town and not ask anything more of you. As soon as I get another counseling job, I’ll move away.”
Damn, there it was. She couldn’t say it any plainer. The chant rang repeatedly in his head. She only wants a child. “You’re asking a lot, Kira.”
“I know,” was all she said in her defense.
“What do I get out of this deal? What are you willing to give me?”
She blinked at his question, but soon recovered. Her arms tightened around his neck. “What do you want, Trace? If it was me, all you had to do any time was walk through that door. I’ve been here the whole time, wanting you.”
His body stirred at the feel of her length pressed against him. The easy way would be to give them what they both wanted. He wasn’t sure he could, knowing in the end he could lose everything anyway. Everything. Not only would he give up Kira, but a child.
“Like I said, I’ll have to think about it.” He removed her hands, and walked out before he changed his mind. Before he did something crazy like agreeing to her request.
CHAPTER TWO
OF ALL mornings to oversleep.
Kira pulled her leather satchel from the back seat, slammed the car door and rushed off across the parking lot toward the large brick building, Winchester Ridge High School. And the nine o’clock meeting.
After Trace had left the house, she hadn’t been able to finish her work until well after midnight. Then she lay awake a long time, reliving her husband’s visit, their kiss.
Trace’s familiar taste. The way he held her, reminding her how well their bodies meshed together. She delighted in the fact she could still make his control slip, just as hers had. She had to stop herself from trying to convince him to stay and make love to her.
Oh God, it had been a long time since Trace had touched her.
“Mrs. McKane, are you all right?”
Kira shook away the fantasy and glanced at her student, Jody Campbell. “Oh, Jody. Yes, I’m fine. Just a lot of things on my mind.” She picked up her pace toward the counselors’ office, realizing the student was staying right with her. “What are you doing out of class?”
“Mr. Douglas let me leave early because I needed to see you.” The pretty girl hesitated. “It’s about volunteer time at the retirement home. All the kids voted it as our class project, but some don’t have enough hours to come to the senior roundup.”
“Give me the list and I’ll talk to them,” Kira said as she stopped at the counseling department’s door and took the paper.
Seeing Jody reminded her that she’d gotten a notice from her English teacher. The promising student’s work had been suffering the past month. Kira hated that her own personal distractions had caused her to neglect one of the best students in the senior class.
“Why don’t you come back at three o’clock? We should talk.”
Jody hesitated again. “I work at four so I need to catch the three-thirty bus.”
She couldn’t let this slip any longer, not with finals next week. “Well, I could give you a lift if you like and we can have a quick chat.”
Her once-enthusiastic student kept her eyes cast down. “Okay.”
Kira signed Jody’s pass and sent her off to class just as the bell rang. She walked inside the guidance office and into the first glass cubicle. She hated being distracted from her work. And these last few weeks, it had been especially difficult for her to keep focused on a job she was crazy about. She loved doing extra things to stay involved with the teenagers.
Kira was the sponsor for this year’s senior class, including all activities. Doing service hours and giving back to the community was an important part of their curriculum. It helped to develop their social skills, and it looked good on their college applications. She rewarded those students with senior roundup at McKane Ranch.
Winchester Ridge was a small ranching town, but the teenagers loved to spend the day helping with the roundup and branding. Followed by a barbecue and barn dance that closed out their senior year with wonderful memories.
Kira sank into her desk chair. Not all kids were that lucky. Suddenly the last fifteen years faded away as her thoughts went back to her own high school days. Shy and naive, she’d been passed around to so many different foster homes it had been difficult to make friends. So when someone gave her attention, she’d been eager for it, and easy to be taken advantage of. Those lonely years had been a big motivator for her career choice.
At the sound of the knock on her door, Kira looked up to see her fellow counselor and friend, Michelle Turner, peer in.
“Michele,” she greeted. “Are you coming for the meeting?”
“It’s been postponed until one o’clock,” her friend said as she walked inside the small enclosure and closed the door. “Kira, are you all right?”
She gave her friend a bright smile. “I’m fine.”
The young teacher sat down in the only other chair. “No, you’re not.”
Kira shook her head. Michele had been the one person she’d confided in about her inability to conceive. The fellow teacher had been her first friend when she’d come to the western Colorado town. “No, really. We’ve gotten word from the adoption agency.”
Michele’s pretty blue eyes lit up. “Oh, that’s great news.” She frowned. “Why so sad?”
Kira shrugged. “Hormones, probably. And Trace. He’s a little hesitant about the idea.”
Michele leaned forward. “You two have been through a lot over this and now that you’re so close to having a baby, he’s probably a little scared.”
And he wants his own child, Kira added silently. “It’s more.” She looked her friend in the eye, knowing she’d never betray her confidence. “It hasn’t been easy living with me this last year.”
“You’ve gone through a lot, trying to have a baby.”
Kira released a shuttering breath. “Trace moved out to the bunkhouse two months ago.”
“Oh, Kira.” Michele shook her head. “Isn’t that just like a man? When they can’t deal with things, they up and leave. Well, I know Trace loves you.”
And Kira wasn’t so sure of that anymore. “I might have pushed him too far this time. We both said things that can’t be taken back.” She recalled the hurtful words she’d thrown at him. And yesterday she mentioned the “D” word. It was all or nothing now.
“Then march out to that bunkhouse and convince him to come back home.”
“I’m not sure that will work.”
“How do you know if you don’t try? So go and seduce your husband.” Michele glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to get back. Can we do lunch later in the week?”
“Sure. Are you going to help chaperone at the roundup?”
Michele grinned. “I wouldn’t miss it. Is your good-looking brother-in-law going to be there?”
Kira was surprised by her friend’s interest in Jarrett. “I’m not sure.”
Michelle waved off the question then hugged her. “I’ll see you later.” She walked out.
Kira leaned back in her chair. Could she get Trace to come back home, and get him to change his mind about the divorce? Could they work together to repair their mess of a marriage?
She thought back to the last time Trace had wanted to be close to her. In the weeks before he’d moved out, her once-loving husband hadn’t wanted to touch her, or even be in the same house with her. And she couldn’t blame him. The sad part was she’d driven him out. Out of his own home.
Trace loved the McKane Ranch, one of the oldest in the area. He was a cattleman like his father and grandfather before him. There had been times when she was a little jealous of his dedication, maybe if he’d talk about the operation with her it would help. Even when he’d bought out part of his brother’s land, she hadn’t been asked anything about it until it came time to sign the loan papers. She just wanted to feel like a part of his dreams.
Kira felt her chest tighten with the familiar ache. The same feeling she’d had when she’d lost her parents in the accident and her grandmother wouldn’t take her into her home. Rejection. When she had to go into foster care, then from home to home. Rejection. When she fell in love with the first boy who gave her the time of day, he’d abandoned her, too. Rejection. Now, her marriage…
Kira sat up straighter. Why was she thinking so much about the past? She’d worked so hard to put those years behind her. A glance at the calendar gave her the answer. It was approaching the seventh of June. Fifteen years had passed and it still hurt like a fresh wound.
No! This baby was going to change things. She was going to have her family, even if it was only part of one.
“Kira…”
She turned around to see Trace at the door. He was dressed in his usual jeans and Western shirt, his cowboy hat in his hand. With her heart pounding, she stood. “Trace.” He never came to her school. “Is something wrong?”
“Do you have some time to talk?”
“Sure.” She stepped aside. “Come in.”
He glanced around the busy office. “I’d rather go somewhere else. Can you leave for a while?”
She checked her watch. “I’m free for the next hour.”
“Let’s go for some coffee.”
“Sure.” Kira grabbed her purse, stepped out into the hall and together they walked out of the building. When Trace placed his hand against the small of her back, she shivered.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” she lied. “I’m fine. I just need some coffee.”
He gave her a sideways glance. “You should switch to decaf.”
She studied his profile. Trace McKane had always been serious by nature. He didn’t smile easily, but when he did he was irresistible.
They were quiet as he helped her to his truck, then drove past all the recently built, chain restaurants to the older section of Winchester Ridge to Bonnie’s Diner. Still a favorite with the locals.
They took a booth by the picture window. The red vinyl seats were worn and cracked, repaired by tape over the years. The place was clean and the food good. Right now, there weren’t any customers, only the sound of a country ballad coming from the old fifties-style jukebox.
Trace signaled the waitress for two coffees and sat down across from Kira. He wondered if he should have waited until she got home to talk with her.
After what happened between them last night, he should be staying away from her, completely. But here he was, sitting across from her. Just looking at her had him working to breathe normally. Nothing had changed. Kira Hyatt had gotten to him from the moment he laid eyes on her, right here in this diner. It had been the only time he’d ever won out against his older sibling. For once Jarrett hadn’t gotten the girl. Younger brother, Trace had.
But Trace had nothing now. Not a wife. Not a marriage. It helped to remember the bad times. That kept him from storming back into the house they’d shared for five years. To a life he’d thought was perfect, but reality hit and he’d learned nothing was perfect. That it hit home again as he recalled that Kira only wanted a six-month marriage.
The waitress placed their mugs on the table. The older woman, Alice Burns, gave them a warm smile. She’d worked here for as long as he could remember. “Well, how are Mr. and Mrs. McKane doin’ today?”
“Just fine, Alice,” Trace answered.
“How’s your granddaughter?” Kira asked.
The fifty-something woman grinned. “Best not get me started on little Emily. But she’s gonna have to share me soon because Carol’s pregnant again. A boy this time.”
Kira’s smile froze. “That’s wonderful. Congratulations.”
Alice eyed the couple. “You two should think about having a few yourselves.” Before they could answer, the waitress walked away.
Trace watched Kira fight her emotions as she took a drink.
“Alice didn’t know, Kira,” Trace said.
“I know that.” Kira wrapped a strand of golden-blond hair behind her ear, leaving the wispy bangs along her forehead. “Why did you need to see me?”
Okay this was all business. “A woman from the adoption agency called after you left.”
Her brown eyes widened. “So soon. What did she say?”
“I didn’t get to talk to her. Just a message on the machine. It just said that she’d call back again.”
“Darn, I wonder if she’ll call the office.” She glanced at him. “Did she leave a number where I could reach her?”
It hurt when she used the word “I” and not “we”. He pulled the paper from his pocket and slid it across the table. “I don’t think you should call her just yet.”
She looked hurt. “But I have to.”
“What are you going to tell her, Kira?”
She blinked at him. “We’re just talking to her, Trace. I don’t want to delay the process, it takes a long time. We’re probably just going to be put on a waiting list.”
“I still have to pretend we’re married.”
“You are married—to me.” She lost her attitude. “But as I told you the baby will be my responsibility.”
So she hadn’t changed her mind. He was to do nothing concerning the child. “We aren’t even living under the same roof.”
“I never asked you to move out in the first place.”
“You know why I did, Kira. We were headed for disaster.” He’d hated leaving, and if she’d asked him to stay just once, he would have in a heartbeat. Now, it was too late.
She sighed. “Please, just listen to what Mrs. Fletcher has to say, that’s all I ask.”
“Okay, I’ll talk with the woman. See what she has to say.”
“Really?” Tears flooded her eyes. “Oh, Trace, thank you.”
He raised a hand. “Don’t thank me, yet. I’ll agree to another home visit. Afterward we’ll see where we go from there. I can’t commit to anything more.”
She nodded. “Does that mean you’re moving back to the house?”
Before Trace could come up with an answer they were interrupted.
“Well, look who’s wandered in off the range.”
They both glanced up to see Jarrett McKane standing at their table. He was tall, athletic and good-looking. He knew it, too. Jarrett knew a lot of things, all you had to do was ask him.
Trace straightened. He didn’t want his half brother here. Not now. “Hello, Jarrett.”
“Trace.” His brother turned to Kira. “Hello, pretty sister-in-law.”
Kira smiled. “Hi, Jarrett.”
Grabbing a chair, he turned it around and straddled it. He glanced between the two of them. “You two look serious. There wouldn’t be trouble in paradise, would there? Kira, you just let me know if this guy isn’t treating you right and I’ll knock some sense into him.”
Kira shifted in her seat as she continued to smile at her brother-in-law. “Everything is fine, Jarrett, but thanks for asking.”
At their first meeting when Kira arrived in town, Jarrett had laid on his easy chair but it hadn’t taken her long to realize that Jarrett McKane was out for himself. He was attentive to his women though, but that was another problem, there were a lot of women.
Both brothers were handsome, but Jarrett had been the school sports hero and a college graduate. Meanwhile Trace had stayed and worked on the ranch with his father, going to college locally.
“Anytime.” He looked at Trace. “I need to talk to you about our arrangement. Could you come to my office?”
“Later. Kira and I are talking right now.”
“Seems like you could do that at home. Hell, you sleep in the same bed.” There was a wicked look in Jarrett’s eyes. “That’s right. It’s branding time so you sleep out with your calves.” He winked at Kira. “Makes for a lonely wife left at home.”
“And sometimes I sleep out with the calves, too,” Kira said, worried things might come to blows.
The brothers had never been close. Jarrett had been six years old when his mother died, and his father, John, remarried Claire, and a year later she had given birth to Trace. The distance had grown when their parents retired and moved to a warmer climate in Arizona. Now, both parents had passed away.
“My brother’s a lucky man to have you. Although I tried my best, he won you fair and square.” He winked at Kira. “But it’s still a long way to go before the score is even, bro.”
Later that afternoon, Trace rode toward the barn. After returning from town, he’d saddled up Thunder and went out to check the herd. He’d wasted the morning already when he needed to finish things before the roundup.
He rotated his tired shoulders, felt his eyes burn, a sure sign that lack of sleep had taken a toll on him. And confronting his brother hadn’t exactly made his day. He’d wanted to spend more time with Kira, but they hadn’t managed that, either. So far, they’d talked very little of what was most important to him: their marriage.
Trace climbed off his horse and walked him into the barn. The immaculately clean structure had been the result of too much time on his hands. Since moving to the bunkhouse, he’d tried to stay busy, and his already organized barn had gotten a complete sweep, with every piece of tack on the property being cleaned or polished.
It had been his sleep time that suffered. Even his fatigue hadn’t helped him on those long nights. He walked his stallion into the stall, removed the saddle and carried it to the tack room. On his way out, he ran into his foreman, Cal.
“Hey, Trace. What’s up?”
“You tell me, Cal,” he said. “How many men have you got for the roundup?”
The forty-one-year-old foreman, Jonah Calhoun, took off his hat and scratched his gray-streaked brown hair. A single man, he’d worked for the McKane Ranch for years, and was also Trace’s friend. “Besides our two part-time hands, another half a dozen like you asked. I also ran into Joel and Hal Lewis at the feed store. They’re willing to come and help out, too, as long as we can give them a hand next month.”
Trace nodded. “Can do. I’ll give them a call.”
Together, they walked back to Thunder’s stall. Trace removed the horse’s bridle and blanket, then took the brush and began grooming him.
Cal snapped his fingers. “Oh, I forgot, your brother stopped by earlier, looking for you.”
Trace didn’t like Jarrett dogging him. “He found me at the diner.”
Cal frowned. “I thought you went to see Kira.”
Trace nodded. “We went for coffee.”
The foreman smiled. “Good idea, take her to the place where you two met.”
“I just wanted to talk to her. Alone.”
The smile grew bigger. “Get anything settled?” Then he raised his hand. “Sorry, Trace, that’s none of my business. I’m just glad you two got together.”
Trace continued to stroke the animal. “We were talking until Jarrett showed up.”
The foreman’s eyes narrowed. “He seemed bent on seeing you. What’s he up to?”
Cal knew as well as Trace that Jarrett never did anything unless it benefited him. “He probably wants to know when that last payment I owe him is coming.”
The foreman frowned. He knew the conditions of the loan. “Are you late?”
Trace shook his head. “No, but I’m not sure I can make the full amount on the final payment.” He could lose it all.
“Would your brother give you more time? I mean, with the market the way it is.”
“I doubt it. When has he ever done me a favor?”
Five years ago, Jarrett couldn’t wait to sell off most of his share of the ranch, and offered Trace the first opportunity to buy it. Trace hadn’t hesitated, but things had been tight this past year, and the payment was due to Jarrett in thirty days.
“I might have to sell the breeding bulls.”
“No way. You need another year or two to build the herd. There’s some serious money in those guys. Rocky will sire some good stock.”
Trace put down the brush. “But I can get ready cash for them. Joel Lewis is interested. And I can’t lose everything now.” His thoughts turned to Kira. He could lose more than the ranch.
“You know Lewis is mostly talk. Look, Trace, I have some money saved I could loan you.”
Trace was touched by the offer. “Thanks, Cal, I’m grateful for the offer, but it’s not a good idea to borrow from friends.”
“Maybe I want to invest if Jarrett is threatening you. Not a full partnership, but just a percentage of the place.” Kind light-blue eyes studied Trace. “Well, maybe you can talk it over with Kira before you nix the idea.”
Trace walked out of the stall. “She’s never shown much interest in the running of the ranch.”
“Maybe she would this time.”
Trace pushed his hat back and sighed. He didn’t want to add to their troubles. “She has enough on her mind.”
Cal nodded. “If you say so. Well, I guess I better go put away the feed that was delivered.”
Trace stopped him. “Has Kira said something to you?”
“No. She just always asks about things, and seems genuinely interested when I tell her.” The foreman shrugged. “But I can’t tell you how to talk to your wife, Trace.”
He hadn’t been talking to Kira at all until she’d come to see him yesterday. And she wasn’t going to be his wife much longer. “Hell, I’ve been living in the bunkhouse for the past two months. I haven’t been doing such a great job of it myself.”
“And you don’t need a lecture from me. But I think if there are problems with the missus, living out here and keeping things from her isn’t the best way for fixin’ things between you.”
Cal was probably the only one who knew about their problems. “The adoption agency notified us. Kira wants me to move back to the house and pretend we’re a happy couple.”
A smile appeared on his friend’s face. “You don’t look very happy about it.”
“All she wants is six months. After the adoption becomes final she’s going to leave.”
Cal raised an eyebrow then he said, “I know it’s been rough. Kira’s gone through a lot and she wants a baby.”
“So do I. And how can I just walk away from a child?”
“Who says you have to? You can still be the kid’s father, Kira’s husband. Who’s to say you can’t get an extension on the six months?”
So much had already passed between them, so much hurt. He didn’t know if they could go back to how it was before. “I don’t know if I can.”
“If you’re not ready, then take it slow.”
Trace never had been one who shared things, but Cal was as close as they came. He valued his opinion, and advice. “She wants me to stay in the house but not in the same room.”
His friend smiled slowly. “Hey, it’s a start.”
“Trace?”
At the sound of Kira’s voice, he turned to find her standing in the barn entrance, holding a bag of groceries.
“Kira.” He walked toward her and took the sack from her. “Is there a problem?” Great, is that all he could come up with?
She glanced away shyly. “I had an easy afternoon at school and decided to cook supper.” She looked at Cal and smiled. “Hello, Jonah.”
“Kira, it’s nice to see you.”
“It’s nice to see you, too. I hope you’re ready for about thirty teenagers coming out.”
“Are we ever ready?”
Kira laughed. “I guess not, but it’s fun.”
Trace found he was jealous of their easy banter. “Is there a reason you came to see me?”
Kira looked at him. “I wanted to ask if you’d come to supper.” She turned back to Cal. “You’re welcome, too, Jonah.”
The foreman blushed. “Thank you for the invitation, Kira, but it’s my bowling night.” He tipped his hat. “I should finish up my chores.” He leaned toward his friend and whispered, “Slow and easy.” Cal turned and walked out.
“What did he say?” Kira asked.
He shrugged. “Just something I need to remember.”
An hour later when Trace stepped inside the house, the scent of apples and cinnamon teased his nose. Ordinarily he didn’t take time to look around; he’d grown up in this house, but today he was mindful of it all.
A wide staircase led to a second floor where there were four large bedrooms. The living room was painted gray-green to offset the dark woodwork and floors. An overstuffed green sofa faced the used-brick fireplace.
That was when he noticed them, Kira’s touches. An easy chair she’d bought for him right after they were married, saying he needed a place to relax. The large coffee table where the photo album of his childhood rested. More family pictures hung on the brightly painted walls. His family, not hers. He remembered her saying she lost her parents’ pictures while moving around in foster care. He’d never thought much about her being alone in her life. She’d always seemed so outgoing and everyone liked her.
Trace moved quickly down the hall through the dining room, which was a sunny-gold color trimmed in oak wainscoting. The scent of lemon oil rose from the long, drop-leaf oak table and eight high-back chairs that had also belonged to his parents. He entered the kitchen, the one room that he and Kira had changed. And it had needed it. Everything had been out-of-date, from the appliances to the cupboards. Just a few months after their small wedding, the room had been gutted and everything was replaced.
A bowl of red apples sat on the round maple table. Everything looked the same, but it wasn’t. He wanted desperately to push time back to when everything was perfect in his marriage.
He found Kira at the counter, taking pieces of chicken from the skillet. She glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “Hi.”
He had trouble finding the words. “Hi. Am I too early?”
“No. Just in time.”
His gaze combed over her. He was starved for her. Denying himself the pleasure she could give him had been punishing. Today she had on one of her prim schoolteacher blouses, his favorite, a rose-pink one that brought out the color of her skin.
He swallowed back the dryness in his throat. “How did school go today?”
“Fine,” she said. “Everyone is complaining about finals.”
He leaned against the counter. He’d missed talking with her. “I remember that age, it seemed to take an eternity to get to the end of school.”
She smiled and started setting out the food. “The seniors are anxious to graduate, and get me out of their hair.”
He knew that wasn’t true. They all loved her. The girls considered her a friend, and the boys were half in love with her. She was young, barely thirty-one, and attractive. They all gravitated to her. “And a lot are going to be heartbroken at saying goodbye to you.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’ve always given your students a lot of attention.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“No, it just means you’re dedicated, and very good at what you do. Not to mention pretty.”
Kira couldn’t believe she was blushing at her husband’s compliment. Trace had told her she was attractive before, but not for a long time. He hadn’t talked to her at all.
“Thank you,” she said.
He shrugged. “I’m not saying anything that isn’t true.”
“It’s still nice to hear,” she said. They looked at each other for a long time. Kira tried not to react, but it was impossible. Trace McKane was a handsome man. She’d thought that the first time she’d seen him. She’d been in town less than twenty-four hours before falling hopelessly in love. Something she’d never thought would happen, but the quiet rancher somehow convinced her to trust again. His slow hands and eager mouth coaxed her into giving herself to him, and they married within two months. From that first night of loving to now, she’d never regretted that decision.
She turned and opened the refrigerator to get the milk. The cool air felt good against her heated face. She couldn’t believe how nervous she was acting. He was her husband, for God’s sake. No, Trace hadn’t been her husband for weeks. And sadly that wasn’t going to change.
CHAPTER THREE
AN HOUR later, Kira sat at the kitchen table and watched as Trace finished the last of his meal.
He leaned back in the chair. “That was delicious, Kira.”
She let out a breath, not realizing she’d been holding it. “I’m glad you liked it.”
He gave a half smile. “Can’t deny I’ve always loved your fried chicken.”
And she loved his praise. “I shouldn’t fix it. It isn’t exactly healthy, especially the gravy.”
“Once in a while won’t hurt me.”
It definitely hadn’t hurt his waistline, she thought, visualizing the six-pack abs hidden under his shirt. She nodded and started to get up. “Coffee?”
He touched her hand to stop her and she felt a sudden jolt. “I’ll get it,” he said.
Kira relented, but her hungry gaze followed Trace to the coffeemaker. He stood nearly six-feet-two-inches tall, and since she was nearly five-nine, she loved his height. Her attention moved over a Western shirt that outlined his broad shoulders and narrow waist. She loved that long, lean look, especially when he wore Wrangler jeans.
And nothing else.
Heat suddenly swarmed her body just as Trace turned around. He gave her a curious look, but remained silent as he walked back to the table. He set down the mugs and she noticed his hands. Memories flooded her head, as she recalled his firm, but gentle touches, how he stroked her, bringing her pleasure.
He took a seat across from her. “I’m glad to see you’ve taken my advice and are on the decaf.”
She sat up straighter. “I realized I need more sleep.”
“We could all use a little more of that.” His gaze locked with hers. “Though I doubt I can blame my problem on the caffeine.”
Kira swallowed hard. She wanted to explore his comment further, but couldn’t. They had another topic that needed attention. “I called Mrs. Fletcher at the agency,” she said in a rush.
Trace didn’t look surprised. “I figured you would.” He set down his mug. “What did she have to say?”
“She wants to come for another home visit the first of next week.”
Trace took a sip of coffee, then asked, “What did you tell her?”
“That I’d check with you, but Monday seemed okay for us.” Kira held her breath, waiting, praying that Trace would agree to this.
“What are we going to say to her when she gets here?”
She hesitated, feeling her heart pounding. “That we want a baby.”
Trace met Kira’s anxious gaze. He could see how much she wanted this. There had been a lot of disappointment in the past two years for both of them. She’d gone through so much, both physically and emotionally, trying to get pregnant.
His own excitement began to build. A family with Kira. Was it still possible?
He wanted to make their marriage work, but her need for a child had become an obsession, leaving no room for them. By the time he moved out, she seemed relieved he was gone. Once she got her child would she turn her attention back to them? Either way he couldn’t deny her.
“I’ll be around Monday.”
Those big brown eyes widened. “Really? Oh, Trace.”
She jumped out of her chair, threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. Trace reached for her, gripping her by the waist so they both wouldn’t topple over.
Kira ended up on his lap and when she pulled back there were tears in her eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered.
He couldn’t resist, and brushed away a tear off her cheek. Seeing her rich brown eyes staring back at his caused his blood to stir. It always had, but he couldn’t let it happen, not after all the pain they’d caused each other.
He stood her on her feet. He got up, too, then backed away but ran into the counter. “You don’t have to thank me. We’d always planned on children. I haven’t agree to everything.”
She refused to look away. “Under the circumstances…and reasons you’ve agreed to do this, I still thank you.”
The hard ache in his body told him he was crazy to be this close to Kira. “Like you said it’s a long waiting list.” He drew a breath and inhaled that soft, womanly scent that was only her.
“Well, you’ve made me very happy.” She leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on his mouth. He sucked in a breath as another jolt of desire shot through him. “And I promise I’ll give you what you want.”
“That’d be a first time in a long time,” he murmured, trying to guard against his weakness for her.
“You know what I mean,” she added. “You’re doing this for me, I promise when it’s over, I won’t contest anything.”
What had happened to them? At one time, he’d wanted to give her everything. They’d planned a lifetime together. Now, she wanted nothing from him, especially not his love.
“I should go,” he told her, not wanting the conversation to go sour if they brought up any more of the past hurt. “I need to go check on that bad section of fence. I don’t want Rocky to wander off,” he rambled on. He stole another look at her and his pulse accelerated, weighing down each step he took.
“We still have things to talk about,” Kira called to him. “Maybe after I’m home from school tomorrow.”
Trace nodded, then headed for the back door, praying she wouldn’t stop him. He worked to remember the misery they’d caused each other during their last months together. He hurried out into the cool night, and it felt good against his heated skin, but even jumping into a pool of ice water wouldn’t cool off his need for Kira. He doubted anything would, ever. That still didn’t give him any hope that they were meant to be together.
The next morning, Kira had renewed hope that things were going to work out. She knew she needed to take things slow with Trace. He never rushed into anything.
She walked into her office to find Jody waiting for her. When Kira had driven the girl to her job yesterday, there wasn’t much time to talk about anything except plans for the senior roundup. That was why Kira had set up this morning’s meeting.
Jody stood. “Hello, Mrs. McKane.”
“Good morning, Jody.” Kira unlocked her office, went inside and set her things on her desk. After putting her purse in the bottom drawer, she motioned to Jody to take a seat, then she did the same.
“Okay, Jody, there are no distractions now.” She worked up a smile. “It’s just you and me.” She took the file from her in-box and opened it. “I’ve talked with your teachers, Mr. Franklin and Miss Meehan, who informed me your grades have dropped considerably as of late. Jody, is there something going on, has something happened?”
The young girl looked pale, almost sickly. Her blond hair was long, but it looked unkempt today. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, not even lip gloss. So different from the impeccably groomed girl Kira had known. Jody looked tired, no exhausted. Then it started adding up, the bad grades, and the sudden breakup with her boyfriend. Could Jody be pregnant?
Kira’s heart sank as she worked hard not to look down at the girl’s waistline. “I know I’m your guidance counselor, but I hope after our four years together, I’m your friend, too.”
The student glanced away and shrugged. “I know you’ve helped me so much.” She hesitated. “It’s just…it’s hard to talk about.”
Jody Campbell lived with her single mother, and money was always tight. With Jody’s high grade point average, Kira had been working tirelessly to help her get scholarships and financial aid for college.
“Jody, two months ago you were excited about going away to college. Has something changed that?”
She drew an unsteady breath and nodded. “Ben and I broke up.” Tears filled her eyes. “He signed up to go into the Army.”
“I’m sorry, Jody.” Ben Kerrigan was another senior. The two had been dating for the past few months. She could see the girl’s heartbreak. “When does he have to leave?”
A tear rolled down the girl’s cheek. “The end of June. He said he won’t have time for me, and doesn’t even want to write me, or anything. He said it’s better this way.” The girl broke down and sobbed.
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Patricia Thayer
From marriage miracle to baby miracle Kira lit up Trace McKane’s life when she said ‘I do’ – yet when no baby McKanes came, they lost sight of their precious bond. But when their name reaches the top of the adoption list, Trace returns to stand firm and strong by his brave, beautiful wife’s side.Kira’s touched by how far Trace will go to make her dreams come true. Looking up at her husband as if for the first time, she realises she has all the family she needs. It’s then that she’s given a miracle…Baby on Board From bump to baby and beyond…
BABY ON BOARD
From bump to baby and beyond…
Whether she’s expecting or they’re adopting—a special arrival is on its way!
Follow the tears and triumphs as these couples find their lives blessed with the magic of parenthood…
Look out for more Baby on Board stories coming soon from Mills & Boon
Romance!
Next month there is a
BOARDROOM BABY SURPRISE
by
Jackie Braun
Dear Reader
The idea for this story came to me years ago, but it wasn’t until recently that I had the opportunity to write it. HER BABY WISH is a different concept for a romance. My hero and heroine, Trace and Kira, are married, and their love is stretched to breaking point when they have to deal with the problem of infertility.
I was blessed by having three relatively easy pregnancies that gave me three healthy sons. That’s not always the case with so many couples, who go through the heartache of not being able to conceive a child. Trace and Kira McKane are one of those couples. In fact things have got so bad between them that Trace has moved out of the house.
Kira blames herself. A secret from her past drives her obsession for a child. So much so that she turns to adoption and, when they’re offered the opportunity for a baby, talks Trace into coming back home to play the part of loving husband. Soon they discover love again, and together weather disappointment as they take the journey back to each other.
Enjoy
Patricia Thayer
Originally born and raised in Muncie, Indiana, PATRICIA THAYER was the second of eight children. She attended Ball State University, and soon afterwards headed west. Over the years she’s made frequent visits back to the Midwest, trying to keep up with her family’s numerous weddings and births, but Patricia has called Orange County, California, home for many years. She not only enjoys the warm climate, but also the company and support of other published authors in the local writers’ organisation. For the past eighteen years she has had the unwavering support and encouragement of her critique group. It’s a sisterhood like no other.
When not working on a story, you might find her travelling the United States and Europe, taking in the scenery and doing story research while thoroughly enjoying herself, accompanied by Steve, her husband for over thirty-six years. Together they have three grown sons and three grandsons. As she calls them, her own true-life heroes. On rare days off from writing you might catch her at Disneyland, spoiling those grandkids rotten! She also volunteers for the Grandparent Autism Network.
Patricia has written for over twenty years and has authored over thirty books. She has been nominated for both the National Readers’ Choice Award and the prestigious RITA®. Her book NOTHING SHORT OF A MIRACLE won a Romantic Times Reviewer’s Choice award. She has been a guest reader at elementary schools and lectured aspiring authors. A long-time member of Romance Writers of America, she has served as President and held many other board positions for her local chapter in Orange County. She’s a firm believer in giving back.
Check her website at www.patriciathayer.com for upcoming books.
HER BABY WISH
BY
PATRICIA THAYER
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
To all the couples
who know the struggles and pain of infertility.
I pray you all will be blessed some day.
And a special congratulation to Michelle and Rod.
CHAPTER ONE
“I NEED you to come back home.”
Trace McKane’s grip tightened on the pitchfork as he spread fresh straw around Black Thunder’s stall. He’d waited two long months to hear his wife say those words. The only problem was she didn’t exactly sound sincere, and too many harsh words had passed between them to repair the damage so casually.
“I can’t see how that’s going to change anything.” He continued to cover the floor as if Kira’s presence hadn’t affected him at all. But it had. He’d give up the family’s Colorado ranch to have things back like they were before their problems started. And from the look of things lately, that might not be too far from the truth.
“Trace, please, just hear me out,” she said.
He stopped his chores and finally looked at her. “Why, Kira? Haven’t we said enough?” He straightened and tipped his hat back off his forehead. This was the first time he’d chanced a close up look at his wife since he’d moved out. She’d kept her distance, and so had he.
She placed her hands on her hips. “Oh, you made your feelings perfectly clear. Things got rough so you walked out, without even trying to work things out.”
“We were getting nowhere.”
Kira Hyatt McKane was a natural beauty with curly wheat-blond hair that hung to her shoulders. She had an oval face, with a scattering of freckles across a straight nose and full, pouty lips. Her large brown eyes locked with his, causing his pulse to shoot into overdrive.
He wasn’t going to take the bait and fight with her. “It’s better I moved into the bunkhouse,” he told her. He hated that they couldn’t make their marriage work.
Yeah, he’d been running away. He’d spent a lot of time moving the herd to a higher pasture for the approaching summer. Many of those nights he’d slept under the stars, anything to keep from facing his lonely bunk. To keep from thinking about how he couldn’t—no matter how much he loved Kira—make his marriage work.
“We both needed a breather.”
God knew he’d missed her. The torture went on as his gaze moved over her navy T-shirt and the faded jeans that hugged her curves. Shapely hips and legs that he’d touched and caressed so often that he knew where every freckle was hidden. He also knew exactly where to touch to bring her pleasure.
He glanced away. Don’t go there. That was past history. Their future together was bleak. He never thought he was a greedy man. He’d only wanted a traditional marriage; a wife to come home to and children to carry on the legacy of the ranch.
That had been when the trouble started, when their marriage began to crumble and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.
“Spring is a busy time,” he told her. Especially this year since he had that payment due to his half brother, Jarrett. And it didn’t look like there was much chance he could come up with the money.
Kira shook her head. “I know, Trace.” She sighed. “And turning away from our problems doesn’t help.”
He cursed. “Yes, Kira, we have problems, but face it, lately we’ve been unable to come to terms with things. And I’m tired of beating my head against a wall.” When he saw tears form in her eyes, he wanted to kick himself.
“I never meant for it to be this way.”
He shrugged. The last thing he wanted was to argue. In the months before their separation that was all they’d done. Then they’d stopped talking altogether. What broke his heart was knowing he hadn’t been able to give her what she needed.
“I just wanted us to be a real family,” she added in a whispered voice.
“You had a funny way of showing it.” He’d needed her to stand by him, and help him with his struggles with the ranch, but she was obsessed with her own problems.
Her eyes filled with tears. “There might have been a solution to help us both.”
How many times had they tried? Even counseling, with some stranger listening to every way he’d failed his wife. He’d done about everything he could think of to make their marriage work. “How? More counseling?”
Kira shook her head. “I never should have asked you to go to counseling. I’m the one who’s got the problem,” she said, her voice husky with emotion. “I’m the one who needs to deal with things.”
“As long as you feel that way, then you don’t need me around.”
Kira stepped closer and began to speak, but stopped. With a swallow, she tried again. “But, Trace, I do need you. I need you to stay with me another six months so I can have a baby, then you can have your divorce.”
Trace glared at her. “What the hell?”
So finally she’d gotten his attention.
The first moment she’d seen Trace McKane, Kira knew for sure that he was the perfect man for her. That hadn’t changed. Tall and lean, the handsome cowboy had gained his muscular build from years of working the McKane’s Cattle Ranch. He had brown hair that always hung too long, brushing his shirt collar. His green-gray eyes were deep-set and when he looked at her she felt he could see into her soul. At first that had intrigued her, now it frightened her. The past months apart told her she didn’t want to face a future without Trace. He was the one person she’d allowed to get close when she’d come to Winchester Ridge, Colorado, to take a guidance counselor job at the high school.
But there were some secrets she could never share…with anyone.
Now it was too late to do anything to save their marriage. “We received a letter today,” she said, pulling the folded envelope out of her pocket. “It’s from the adoption agency.” Her voice trembled. “We’ve passed another screening for a baby.”
Trace’s eyes narrowed, then he threw his head back and laughed. “It’s a joke, right?”
She didn’t expect this reaction. “No.”
“So for months we’ve been giving everyone the impression that we’re the perfect couple and acceptable parents. Then we break up and we get the okay.”
Kira squared her shoulders and looked him in the eye.
“No one knows you moved out, and I don’t want anyone to. Not yet. Not until we receive a baby.”
He froze, his jaw clenched. “If you want the divorce so bad, then adopt as a single parent.” He tossed the pitchfork against the railing and marched out of the stall.
Kira hurried after him. “Trace, wait. Just hear me out.” His fast pace had her nearly running to keep up. “We’ll both get what we want. I’ll have a baby, and you’ll be free to marry someone who can give you what you want…children.”
He stopped abruptly. “You have everything figured out, don’t you?”
She shrugged, trying to hide her pain, wishing he’d say he’d stay with her and together they’d raise the baby. “No, but I know you want your own children. I can’t give you that.”
His eyes flashed his pain. “Yeah, I wanted a child—with you. But it didn’t happen, and I wasn’t enough for you.” Without waiting for another word, he started out of the barn, leaving her in shock.
“It wouldn’t be enough for you, Trace,” Rushing after him, she caught up to him again on the small porch of the bunkhouse. “I loved you and our life together.” She meant it. Her life on the ranch with Trace had been perfect. For a while. Then her dream had slowly unraveled. It seemed as if God were punishing her for her past. She didn’t want Trace to be punished because of her. That’s the reason she had to put an end to this.
She forced away the thought. “Trace, I have a chance for a child…maybe my only chance. You can remarry and have a dozen children. So if you could be happier without me, I’m willing to let you go.”
Trace closed his eyes and gripped the wooden post. He didn’t know if he could handle this again. Their marriage had gone through so much turmoil while they’d tried several procedures to be able to conceive a baby. Toward the end, he couldn’t take the look on her face every time they failed, until finally, the pressure drove her from him. He might have been the one who’d moved out of the house, but emotionally Kira had left him long before that.
Now, after long weeks of separation, he’d become reconciled to losing her. Then her sudden appearance today made him ache with want and need. But she was here only because of her need for a child, and to end their marriage.
“Do you honestly think we can pull this off? The last words we spoke to each other weren’t exactly loving.”
“The pressure is off now,” she said. “We just have to go through the motions of being a couple. I’ve accepted that I may never conceive a baby, but I can still have a child.” She held out the letter. “The agency says we’ve met their requirements and we can move on to the next step.”
How could he forget the classes, the long interviews, the background checks. They’d even been fingerprinted. He glanced from the paper in her hand to the hopeful look on her face. He felt the familiar tug in his chest.
“They’ll send someone out for a home study. To visit with us and see our home.”
“So what do you want me to do? Play the loving husband?”
She rested her hand on his arm, her dark eyes pleading. “Would that be so hard?”
Damn, she didn’t play fair and he had trouble denying her anything. “I don’t think we can pull it off, Kira. Not where we are right now.”
She paused. “It’s only for about six months. That’s how long it takes for the adoption to be final.” She looked sad. “Is it that hard to pretend you love me?”
The next evening, seated at the kitchen table at the house, Kira tried to finish the end-of-the-year paperwork, but her mind kept wandering back to Trace.
“What else is new?” she grumbled as she got up and went to the coffeemaker. After refilling her mug, she walked to the window and stared out at the breathtaking view of the Roan Plateau. She’d come to love this place. So different from the busy streets of Denver.
Five years ago she’d come to Winchester Ridge to start a new life. With her new college degree in hand, she’d come to interview for a teaching position at the high school. She’d gotten the job and needed a place to live.
The town’s real estate broker, Jarrett McKane, had shown her an apartment, then taken her to lunch. At the local café, they’d run into his younger brother, Trace.
It had been an instant attraction. After that she’d accepted a few more dates from Jarrett in the hope of running into Trace.
Finally two weeks later, the rugged rancher showed up at school and asked her out. It seemed like forever before he kissed her, but it had been well worth the wait. She closed her eyes, remembering his slow hands skimming over her, softly caressing her skin.
Trace’s kisses were lethal. She remembered each touch of his lips against her heated flesh. How hungry he’d made her, stirring her desire. Suddenly warmth ran down her spine settling low in her stomach. Her eyes shot open as she groaned in frustration.
“Oh God,” she whispered as she sank against the counter, her body aching. Never in her life had anyone made her feel the way Trace McKane had. After her parents’ automobile accident and death, she’d been alone for a lot of years. She’d thought she’d finally found a home, a place where she could belong.
Yesterday, she’d wanted to beg Trace to come home, but her own pain and hurt prevented it. She knew the past few months she’d been horrible to live with. But how could any man understand the anguish she’d gone through, not just with the pain of her disease, but knowing she hadn’t been able to conceive a baby?
She glanced back through the window, seeing the light on in the bunkhouse. “Oh, Trace, would you have loved me if you knew the truth about me?”
The past flooded back. She tried to push it away, but it always hovered close enough to force her to remember, taking the brightness away from any happiness she tried to grasp. Maybe the guilt had been what drove her, caused her to keep pushing Trace away.
The familiar sadness blanketed her. With each passing month her fertility problems had loomed ever darker. With the endometriosis, her chances diminished daily until the day would come when she’d probably need more surgery to relieve her of the recurring scar tissue.
But with the passing of time, her dreams seemed to be fading anyway, along with her marriage.
The sound of the back door opening caught Kira’s attention. Living this far out in the country, she knew it could only be Jonah Calhoun, the ranch foreman. Or Trace. Her heart raced as she waited, and her hopes were rewarded when her husband walked into the kitchen.
She tried to breathe but it was difficult. Trace McKane still affected her in the same way he had when she’d first met him. It was obvious he had just showered and put on a fresh shirt and jeans. Hope spread through her as she realized he might have done it for her.
“Hi,” she managed. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”
He nodded. “I could use one.” He walked to the counter and took the steaming mug she offered. Then Kira picked up her cup and started for the table.
“I thought caffeine was bad for your condition,” he said.
She was touched that he remembered. “I usually don’t drink it, but tonight I have work to finish. I need all the help I can get to stay alert.”
“I guess school is getting out soon. So it looks like it’s going to be a busy time for both of us.” He drank from his cup, then studied her. She felt the heat of his silver gaze spread over her, warming her. She hated they were talking so politely, when she desperately wanted him to take her into his arms and tell her he wanted to move back permanently to be her husband and father to her baby.
He glanced away. “Cal wants to know if you’re still planning the senior roundup to be here this year.”
She nodded. “I hope to. The kids have been talking about it for weeks. That is, if it’s okay with you?”
He shrugged. “Not a problem. Cal just wants a head count so we’ll know how many hands we need to hire.”
Trace leaned against the counter, trying to relax. Impossible. Since his dad’s death three years ago, he’d had to run the cattle operation mostly on his own.
“Do you have a date set for the roundup?” she asked.
“In two weeks.”
She nodded. “That’s perfect. Graduation will be over, so we don’t have to worry about interrupting study time.”
Trace hated the silence lingering between them. What he hated most of all was feeling like a stranger in his own house, a stranger to his wife.
“Have you given any thought to what we talked about?” she finally asked him.
“It’s kind of hard not to.” He shifted his weight trying to ease the tightness in his chest. “You tell a man you want to adopt a child, and in the same breath give him his walking papers.”
“I’m sorry, Trace. I never wanted it to turn out this way. But in the end it might be best for both of us.”
He heard the tears in her voice. “Is it really that easy, Kira? Well, it’s not for me. If I agree I also sign papers for this child. I’m responsible for him or her, too.”
“Trace, I know I’m asking a lot.”
“No, you don’t,” he interrupted her. “You’re asking me to move back into the house and take responsibility for a child, then just to walk away.”
She wanted more, so much more from him. But she couldn’t ask for another chance. “I don’t expect to have things be like they once were. Yes, we have to live in the same house, but if we’re lucky enough to get a baby, I’ll handle all the child’s needs. I won’t ask for any help.”
He was silent for a long time. “And after the six months, I sign away all rights to the child.”
He made it sound so calculating. She managed a nod.
He cursed and turned away.
“Please, Trace, I’m afraid if we tell the agency we’re not together now, then later, I’ll have to start from the beginning as a single parent.”
He drove his fingers through his hair. “I’m not sure I can do this, Kira.”
She bit down on her lower lip. “Please, I want this opportunity, Trace. It might be my last chance.”
Trace fought to control his anger. It had always been about a baby. What about them? Why couldn’t she offer to work out their problems? Instead of wanting to push him aside when he wasn’t needed any more.
“Trace, I don’t magically expect us to return to our roles of husband and wife. I’ll move into the guest room and you can have your bedroom back.”
This was all so crazy. Trace wasn’t sure if he could resist Kira, living under the same roof. If he moved back into the house now, it’d be damn difficult to resist going to her bed.
He placed his coffee mug in the sink, then went to her, bracing his hands on either side of her. He stared into those honey-brown eyes, knowing there were secrets hidden in their depths. Secrets she wouldn’t share with anyone, not even with him. “You talk about this situation like it’s a business transaction. I have my doubts about us being able to pull this off.”
She swallowed hard, but didn’t speak.
His attention went to her mouth, tempting him like no woman ever had. His heart raced and his gut tightened. He ached to taste her, to stir up those feelings that made him crazy with need. It had been so long.
“Trace.” Her voice was a throaty whisper as her hand came up to his face. “Can’t we try?”
Her sultry voice swept over him like a caress. He closed his eyes, picturing her in their bed, willing and wanton, welcoming his kisses, his touches as he moved over her heated body.
“Damn you, Kira.” His mouth closed over hers in a hungry kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he jerked her against his body already hard with desire. Her mouth opened on a sigh, and he dove inside to taste her. He moved against her, hungry for the contact. It wasn’t enough, he needed all of her.
But Kira couldn’t give it to him. Would they ever be able to be what the other needed?
He broke off the kiss and stepped back. “I’ve got to go.” He headed to the door only to have her call to him.
He didn’t turn around, knowing he’d weaken to her request. “Kira, I need more time.”
“Please, Trace.” She hesitated. “Just keep up the pretense that we’re married until you decide what to do.”
In his heart Trace would always be married to Kira. He’d loved her since the moment he laid eyes on her. That hadn’t changed. But could he hang around and watch their marriage die a slow agonizing death?
He faced her. “So you expect me live in limbo until the adoption goes through?” The words stuck in his throat.
She blinked, looking surprised. “No. I’m asking if you would give it six months until they give us permanent custody. After that I won’t try to hold you, or make you responsible for the child. I’ll move into town and not ask anything more of you. As soon as I get another counseling job, I’ll move away.”
Damn, there it was. She couldn’t say it any plainer. The chant rang repeatedly in his head. She only wants a child. “You’re asking a lot, Kira.”
“I know,” was all she said in her defense.
“What do I get out of this deal? What are you willing to give me?”
She blinked at his question, but soon recovered. Her arms tightened around his neck. “What do you want, Trace? If it was me, all you had to do any time was walk through that door. I’ve been here the whole time, wanting you.”
His body stirred at the feel of her length pressed against him. The easy way would be to give them what they both wanted. He wasn’t sure he could, knowing in the end he could lose everything anyway. Everything. Not only would he give up Kira, but a child.
“Like I said, I’ll have to think about it.” He removed her hands, and walked out before he changed his mind. Before he did something crazy like agreeing to her request.
CHAPTER TWO
OF ALL mornings to oversleep.
Kira pulled her leather satchel from the back seat, slammed the car door and rushed off across the parking lot toward the large brick building, Winchester Ridge High School. And the nine o’clock meeting.
After Trace had left the house, she hadn’t been able to finish her work until well after midnight. Then she lay awake a long time, reliving her husband’s visit, their kiss.
Trace’s familiar taste. The way he held her, reminding her how well their bodies meshed together. She delighted in the fact she could still make his control slip, just as hers had. She had to stop herself from trying to convince him to stay and make love to her.
Oh God, it had been a long time since Trace had touched her.
“Mrs. McKane, are you all right?”
Kira shook away the fantasy and glanced at her student, Jody Campbell. “Oh, Jody. Yes, I’m fine. Just a lot of things on my mind.” She picked up her pace toward the counselors’ office, realizing the student was staying right with her. “What are you doing out of class?”
“Mr. Douglas let me leave early because I needed to see you.” The pretty girl hesitated. “It’s about volunteer time at the retirement home. All the kids voted it as our class project, but some don’t have enough hours to come to the senior roundup.”
“Give me the list and I’ll talk to them,” Kira said as she stopped at the counseling department’s door and took the paper.
Seeing Jody reminded her that she’d gotten a notice from her English teacher. The promising student’s work had been suffering the past month. Kira hated that her own personal distractions had caused her to neglect one of the best students in the senior class.
“Why don’t you come back at three o’clock? We should talk.”
Jody hesitated again. “I work at four so I need to catch the three-thirty bus.”
She couldn’t let this slip any longer, not with finals next week. “Well, I could give you a lift if you like and we can have a quick chat.”
Her once-enthusiastic student kept her eyes cast down. “Okay.”
Kira signed Jody’s pass and sent her off to class just as the bell rang. She walked inside the guidance office and into the first glass cubicle. She hated being distracted from her work. And these last few weeks, it had been especially difficult for her to keep focused on a job she was crazy about. She loved doing extra things to stay involved with the teenagers.
Kira was the sponsor for this year’s senior class, including all activities. Doing service hours and giving back to the community was an important part of their curriculum. It helped to develop their social skills, and it looked good on their college applications. She rewarded those students with senior roundup at McKane Ranch.
Winchester Ridge was a small ranching town, but the teenagers loved to spend the day helping with the roundup and branding. Followed by a barbecue and barn dance that closed out their senior year with wonderful memories.
Kira sank into her desk chair. Not all kids were that lucky. Suddenly the last fifteen years faded away as her thoughts went back to her own high school days. Shy and naive, she’d been passed around to so many different foster homes it had been difficult to make friends. So when someone gave her attention, she’d been eager for it, and easy to be taken advantage of. Those lonely years had been a big motivator for her career choice.
At the sound of the knock on her door, Kira looked up to see her fellow counselor and friend, Michelle Turner, peer in.
“Michele,” she greeted. “Are you coming for the meeting?”
“It’s been postponed until one o’clock,” her friend said as she walked inside the small enclosure and closed the door. “Kira, are you all right?”
She gave her friend a bright smile. “I’m fine.”
The young teacher sat down in the only other chair. “No, you’re not.”
Kira shook her head. Michele had been the one person she’d confided in about her inability to conceive. The fellow teacher had been her first friend when she’d come to the western Colorado town. “No, really. We’ve gotten word from the adoption agency.”
Michele’s pretty blue eyes lit up. “Oh, that’s great news.” She frowned. “Why so sad?”
Kira shrugged. “Hormones, probably. And Trace. He’s a little hesitant about the idea.”
Michele leaned forward. “You two have been through a lot over this and now that you’re so close to having a baby, he’s probably a little scared.”
And he wants his own child, Kira added silently. “It’s more.” She looked her friend in the eye, knowing she’d never betray her confidence. “It hasn’t been easy living with me this last year.”
“You’ve gone through a lot, trying to have a baby.”
Kira released a shuttering breath. “Trace moved out to the bunkhouse two months ago.”
“Oh, Kira.” Michele shook her head. “Isn’t that just like a man? When they can’t deal with things, they up and leave. Well, I know Trace loves you.”
And Kira wasn’t so sure of that anymore. “I might have pushed him too far this time. We both said things that can’t be taken back.” She recalled the hurtful words she’d thrown at him. And yesterday she mentioned the “D” word. It was all or nothing now.
“Then march out to that bunkhouse and convince him to come back home.”
“I’m not sure that will work.”
“How do you know if you don’t try? So go and seduce your husband.” Michele glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to get back. Can we do lunch later in the week?”
“Sure. Are you going to help chaperone at the roundup?”
Michele grinned. “I wouldn’t miss it. Is your good-looking brother-in-law going to be there?”
Kira was surprised by her friend’s interest in Jarrett. “I’m not sure.”
Michelle waved off the question then hugged her. “I’ll see you later.” She walked out.
Kira leaned back in her chair. Could she get Trace to come back home, and get him to change his mind about the divorce? Could they work together to repair their mess of a marriage?
She thought back to the last time Trace had wanted to be close to her. In the weeks before he’d moved out, her once-loving husband hadn’t wanted to touch her, or even be in the same house with her. And she couldn’t blame him. The sad part was she’d driven him out. Out of his own home.
Trace loved the McKane Ranch, one of the oldest in the area. He was a cattleman like his father and grandfather before him. There had been times when she was a little jealous of his dedication, maybe if he’d talk about the operation with her it would help. Even when he’d bought out part of his brother’s land, she hadn’t been asked anything about it until it came time to sign the loan papers. She just wanted to feel like a part of his dreams.
Kira felt her chest tighten with the familiar ache. The same feeling she’d had when she’d lost her parents in the accident and her grandmother wouldn’t take her into her home. Rejection. When she had to go into foster care, then from home to home. Rejection. When she fell in love with the first boy who gave her the time of day, he’d abandoned her, too. Rejection. Now, her marriage…
Kira sat up straighter. Why was she thinking so much about the past? She’d worked so hard to put those years behind her. A glance at the calendar gave her the answer. It was approaching the seventh of June. Fifteen years had passed and it still hurt like a fresh wound.
No! This baby was going to change things. She was going to have her family, even if it was only part of one.
“Kira…”
She turned around to see Trace at the door. He was dressed in his usual jeans and Western shirt, his cowboy hat in his hand. With her heart pounding, she stood. “Trace.” He never came to her school. “Is something wrong?”
“Do you have some time to talk?”
“Sure.” She stepped aside. “Come in.”
He glanced around the busy office. “I’d rather go somewhere else. Can you leave for a while?”
She checked her watch. “I’m free for the next hour.”
“Let’s go for some coffee.”
“Sure.” Kira grabbed her purse, stepped out into the hall and together they walked out of the building. When Trace placed his hand against the small of her back, she shivered.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” she lied. “I’m fine. I just need some coffee.”
He gave her a sideways glance. “You should switch to decaf.”
She studied his profile. Trace McKane had always been serious by nature. He didn’t smile easily, but when he did he was irresistible.
They were quiet as he helped her to his truck, then drove past all the recently built, chain restaurants to the older section of Winchester Ridge to Bonnie’s Diner. Still a favorite with the locals.
They took a booth by the picture window. The red vinyl seats were worn and cracked, repaired by tape over the years. The place was clean and the food good. Right now, there weren’t any customers, only the sound of a country ballad coming from the old fifties-style jukebox.
Trace signaled the waitress for two coffees and sat down across from Kira. He wondered if he should have waited until she got home to talk with her.
After what happened between them last night, he should be staying away from her, completely. But here he was, sitting across from her. Just looking at her had him working to breathe normally. Nothing had changed. Kira Hyatt had gotten to him from the moment he laid eyes on her, right here in this diner. It had been the only time he’d ever won out against his older sibling. For once Jarrett hadn’t gotten the girl. Younger brother, Trace had.
But Trace had nothing now. Not a wife. Not a marriage. It helped to remember the bad times. That kept him from storming back into the house they’d shared for five years. To a life he’d thought was perfect, but reality hit and he’d learned nothing was perfect. That it hit home again as he recalled that Kira only wanted a six-month marriage.
The waitress placed their mugs on the table. The older woman, Alice Burns, gave them a warm smile. She’d worked here for as long as he could remember. “Well, how are Mr. and Mrs. McKane doin’ today?”
“Just fine, Alice,” Trace answered.
“How’s your granddaughter?” Kira asked.
The fifty-something woman grinned. “Best not get me started on little Emily. But she’s gonna have to share me soon because Carol’s pregnant again. A boy this time.”
Kira’s smile froze. “That’s wonderful. Congratulations.”
Alice eyed the couple. “You two should think about having a few yourselves.” Before they could answer, the waitress walked away.
Trace watched Kira fight her emotions as she took a drink.
“Alice didn’t know, Kira,” Trace said.
“I know that.” Kira wrapped a strand of golden-blond hair behind her ear, leaving the wispy bangs along her forehead. “Why did you need to see me?”
Okay this was all business. “A woman from the adoption agency called after you left.”
Her brown eyes widened. “So soon. What did she say?”
“I didn’t get to talk to her. Just a message on the machine. It just said that she’d call back again.”
“Darn, I wonder if she’ll call the office.” She glanced at him. “Did she leave a number where I could reach her?”
It hurt when she used the word “I” and not “we”. He pulled the paper from his pocket and slid it across the table. “I don’t think you should call her just yet.”
She looked hurt. “But I have to.”
“What are you going to tell her, Kira?”
She blinked at him. “We’re just talking to her, Trace. I don’t want to delay the process, it takes a long time. We’re probably just going to be put on a waiting list.”
“I still have to pretend we’re married.”
“You are married—to me.” She lost her attitude. “But as I told you the baby will be my responsibility.”
So she hadn’t changed her mind. He was to do nothing concerning the child. “We aren’t even living under the same roof.”
“I never asked you to move out in the first place.”
“You know why I did, Kira. We were headed for disaster.” He’d hated leaving, and if she’d asked him to stay just once, he would have in a heartbeat. Now, it was too late.
She sighed. “Please, just listen to what Mrs. Fletcher has to say, that’s all I ask.”
“Okay, I’ll talk with the woman. See what she has to say.”
“Really?” Tears flooded her eyes. “Oh, Trace, thank you.”
He raised a hand. “Don’t thank me, yet. I’ll agree to another home visit. Afterward we’ll see where we go from there. I can’t commit to anything more.”
She nodded. “Does that mean you’re moving back to the house?”
Before Trace could come up with an answer they were interrupted.
“Well, look who’s wandered in off the range.”
They both glanced up to see Jarrett McKane standing at their table. He was tall, athletic and good-looking. He knew it, too. Jarrett knew a lot of things, all you had to do was ask him.
Trace straightened. He didn’t want his half brother here. Not now. “Hello, Jarrett.”
“Trace.” His brother turned to Kira. “Hello, pretty sister-in-law.”
Kira smiled. “Hi, Jarrett.”
Grabbing a chair, he turned it around and straddled it. He glanced between the two of them. “You two look serious. There wouldn’t be trouble in paradise, would there? Kira, you just let me know if this guy isn’t treating you right and I’ll knock some sense into him.”
Kira shifted in her seat as she continued to smile at her brother-in-law. “Everything is fine, Jarrett, but thanks for asking.”
At their first meeting when Kira arrived in town, Jarrett had laid on his easy chair but it hadn’t taken her long to realize that Jarrett McKane was out for himself. He was attentive to his women though, but that was another problem, there were a lot of women.
Both brothers were handsome, but Jarrett had been the school sports hero and a college graduate. Meanwhile Trace had stayed and worked on the ranch with his father, going to college locally.
“Anytime.” He looked at Trace. “I need to talk to you about our arrangement. Could you come to my office?”
“Later. Kira and I are talking right now.”
“Seems like you could do that at home. Hell, you sleep in the same bed.” There was a wicked look in Jarrett’s eyes. “That’s right. It’s branding time so you sleep out with your calves.” He winked at Kira. “Makes for a lonely wife left at home.”
“And sometimes I sleep out with the calves, too,” Kira said, worried things might come to blows.
The brothers had never been close. Jarrett had been six years old when his mother died, and his father, John, remarried Claire, and a year later she had given birth to Trace. The distance had grown when their parents retired and moved to a warmer climate in Arizona. Now, both parents had passed away.
“My brother’s a lucky man to have you. Although I tried my best, he won you fair and square.” He winked at Kira. “But it’s still a long way to go before the score is even, bro.”
Later that afternoon, Trace rode toward the barn. After returning from town, he’d saddled up Thunder and went out to check the herd. He’d wasted the morning already when he needed to finish things before the roundup.
He rotated his tired shoulders, felt his eyes burn, a sure sign that lack of sleep had taken a toll on him. And confronting his brother hadn’t exactly made his day. He’d wanted to spend more time with Kira, but they hadn’t managed that, either. So far, they’d talked very little of what was most important to him: their marriage.
Trace climbed off his horse and walked him into the barn. The immaculately clean structure had been the result of too much time on his hands. Since moving to the bunkhouse, he’d tried to stay busy, and his already organized barn had gotten a complete sweep, with every piece of tack on the property being cleaned or polished.
It had been his sleep time that suffered. Even his fatigue hadn’t helped him on those long nights. He walked his stallion into the stall, removed the saddle and carried it to the tack room. On his way out, he ran into his foreman, Cal.
“Hey, Trace. What’s up?”
“You tell me, Cal,” he said. “How many men have you got for the roundup?”
The forty-one-year-old foreman, Jonah Calhoun, took off his hat and scratched his gray-streaked brown hair. A single man, he’d worked for the McKane Ranch for years, and was also Trace’s friend. “Besides our two part-time hands, another half a dozen like you asked. I also ran into Joel and Hal Lewis at the feed store. They’re willing to come and help out, too, as long as we can give them a hand next month.”
Trace nodded. “Can do. I’ll give them a call.”
Together, they walked back to Thunder’s stall. Trace removed the horse’s bridle and blanket, then took the brush and began grooming him.
Cal snapped his fingers. “Oh, I forgot, your brother stopped by earlier, looking for you.”
Trace didn’t like Jarrett dogging him. “He found me at the diner.”
Cal frowned. “I thought you went to see Kira.”
Trace nodded. “We went for coffee.”
The foreman smiled. “Good idea, take her to the place where you two met.”
“I just wanted to talk to her. Alone.”
The smile grew bigger. “Get anything settled?” Then he raised his hand. “Sorry, Trace, that’s none of my business. I’m just glad you two got together.”
Trace continued to stroke the animal. “We were talking until Jarrett showed up.”
The foreman’s eyes narrowed. “He seemed bent on seeing you. What’s he up to?”
Cal knew as well as Trace that Jarrett never did anything unless it benefited him. “He probably wants to know when that last payment I owe him is coming.”
The foreman frowned. He knew the conditions of the loan. “Are you late?”
Trace shook his head. “No, but I’m not sure I can make the full amount on the final payment.” He could lose it all.
“Would your brother give you more time? I mean, with the market the way it is.”
“I doubt it. When has he ever done me a favor?”
Five years ago, Jarrett couldn’t wait to sell off most of his share of the ranch, and offered Trace the first opportunity to buy it. Trace hadn’t hesitated, but things had been tight this past year, and the payment was due to Jarrett in thirty days.
“I might have to sell the breeding bulls.”
“No way. You need another year or two to build the herd. There’s some serious money in those guys. Rocky will sire some good stock.”
Trace put down the brush. “But I can get ready cash for them. Joel Lewis is interested. And I can’t lose everything now.” His thoughts turned to Kira. He could lose more than the ranch.
“You know Lewis is mostly talk. Look, Trace, I have some money saved I could loan you.”
Trace was touched by the offer. “Thanks, Cal, I’m grateful for the offer, but it’s not a good idea to borrow from friends.”
“Maybe I want to invest if Jarrett is threatening you. Not a full partnership, but just a percentage of the place.” Kind light-blue eyes studied Trace. “Well, maybe you can talk it over with Kira before you nix the idea.”
Trace walked out of the stall. “She’s never shown much interest in the running of the ranch.”
“Maybe she would this time.”
Trace pushed his hat back and sighed. He didn’t want to add to their troubles. “She has enough on her mind.”
Cal nodded. “If you say so. Well, I guess I better go put away the feed that was delivered.”
Trace stopped him. “Has Kira said something to you?”
“No. She just always asks about things, and seems genuinely interested when I tell her.” The foreman shrugged. “But I can’t tell you how to talk to your wife, Trace.”
He hadn’t been talking to Kira at all until she’d come to see him yesterday. And she wasn’t going to be his wife much longer. “Hell, I’ve been living in the bunkhouse for the past two months. I haven’t been doing such a great job of it myself.”
“And you don’t need a lecture from me. But I think if there are problems with the missus, living out here and keeping things from her isn’t the best way for fixin’ things between you.”
Cal was probably the only one who knew about their problems. “The adoption agency notified us. Kira wants me to move back to the house and pretend we’re a happy couple.”
A smile appeared on his friend’s face. “You don’t look very happy about it.”
“All she wants is six months. After the adoption becomes final she’s going to leave.”
Cal raised an eyebrow then he said, “I know it’s been rough. Kira’s gone through a lot and she wants a baby.”
“So do I. And how can I just walk away from a child?”
“Who says you have to? You can still be the kid’s father, Kira’s husband. Who’s to say you can’t get an extension on the six months?”
So much had already passed between them, so much hurt. He didn’t know if they could go back to how it was before. “I don’t know if I can.”
“If you’re not ready, then take it slow.”
Trace never had been one who shared things, but Cal was as close as they came. He valued his opinion, and advice. “She wants me to stay in the house but not in the same room.”
His friend smiled slowly. “Hey, it’s a start.”
“Trace?”
At the sound of Kira’s voice, he turned to find her standing in the barn entrance, holding a bag of groceries.
“Kira.” He walked toward her and took the sack from her. “Is there a problem?” Great, is that all he could come up with?
She glanced away shyly. “I had an easy afternoon at school and decided to cook supper.” She looked at Cal and smiled. “Hello, Jonah.”
“Kira, it’s nice to see you.”
“It’s nice to see you, too. I hope you’re ready for about thirty teenagers coming out.”
“Are we ever ready?”
Kira laughed. “I guess not, but it’s fun.”
Trace found he was jealous of their easy banter. “Is there a reason you came to see me?”
Kira looked at him. “I wanted to ask if you’d come to supper.” She turned back to Cal. “You’re welcome, too, Jonah.”
The foreman blushed. “Thank you for the invitation, Kira, but it’s my bowling night.” He tipped his hat. “I should finish up my chores.” He leaned toward his friend and whispered, “Slow and easy.” Cal turned and walked out.
“What did he say?” Kira asked.
He shrugged. “Just something I need to remember.”
An hour later when Trace stepped inside the house, the scent of apples and cinnamon teased his nose. Ordinarily he didn’t take time to look around; he’d grown up in this house, but today he was mindful of it all.
A wide staircase led to a second floor where there were four large bedrooms. The living room was painted gray-green to offset the dark woodwork and floors. An overstuffed green sofa faced the used-brick fireplace.
That was when he noticed them, Kira’s touches. An easy chair she’d bought for him right after they were married, saying he needed a place to relax. The large coffee table where the photo album of his childhood rested. More family pictures hung on the brightly painted walls. His family, not hers. He remembered her saying she lost her parents’ pictures while moving around in foster care. He’d never thought much about her being alone in her life. She’d always seemed so outgoing and everyone liked her.
Trace moved quickly down the hall through the dining room, which was a sunny-gold color trimmed in oak wainscoting. The scent of lemon oil rose from the long, drop-leaf oak table and eight high-back chairs that had also belonged to his parents. He entered the kitchen, the one room that he and Kira had changed. And it had needed it. Everything had been out-of-date, from the appliances to the cupboards. Just a few months after their small wedding, the room had been gutted and everything was replaced.
A bowl of red apples sat on the round maple table. Everything looked the same, but it wasn’t. He wanted desperately to push time back to when everything was perfect in his marriage.
He found Kira at the counter, taking pieces of chicken from the skillet. She glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “Hi.”
He had trouble finding the words. “Hi. Am I too early?”
“No. Just in time.”
His gaze combed over her. He was starved for her. Denying himself the pleasure she could give him had been punishing. Today she had on one of her prim schoolteacher blouses, his favorite, a rose-pink one that brought out the color of her skin.
He swallowed back the dryness in his throat. “How did school go today?”
“Fine,” she said. “Everyone is complaining about finals.”
He leaned against the counter. He’d missed talking with her. “I remember that age, it seemed to take an eternity to get to the end of school.”
She smiled and started setting out the food. “The seniors are anxious to graduate, and get me out of their hair.”
He knew that wasn’t true. They all loved her. The girls considered her a friend, and the boys were half in love with her. She was young, barely thirty-one, and attractive. They all gravitated to her. “And a lot are going to be heartbroken at saying goodbye to you.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’ve always given your students a lot of attention.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“No, it just means you’re dedicated, and very good at what you do. Not to mention pretty.”
Kira couldn’t believe she was blushing at her husband’s compliment. Trace had told her she was attractive before, but not for a long time. He hadn’t talked to her at all.
“Thank you,” she said.
He shrugged. “I’m not saying anything that isn’t true.”
“It’s still nice to hear,” she said. They looked at each other for a long time. Kira tried not to react, but it was impossible. Trace McKane was a handsome man. She’d thought that the first time she’d seen him. She’d been in town less than twenty-four hours before falling hopelessly in love. Something she’d never thought would happen, but the quiet rancher somehow convinced her to trust again. His slow hands and eager mouth coaxed her into giving herself to him, and they married within two months. From that first night of loving to now, she’d never regretted that decision.
She turned and opened the refrigerator to get the milk. The cool air felt good against her heated face. She couldn’t believe how nervous she was acting. He was her husband, for God’s sake. No, Trace hadn’t been her husband for weeks. And sadly that wasn’t going to change.
CHAPTER THREE
AN HOUR later, Kira sat at the kitchen table and watched as Trace finished the last of his meal.
He leaned back in the chair. “That was delicious, Kira.”
She let out a breath, not realizing she’d been holding it. “I’m glad you liked it.”
He gave a half smile. “Can’t deny I’ve always loved your fried chicken.”
And she loved his praise. “I shouldn’t fix it. It isn’t exactly healthy, especially the gravy.”
“Once in a while won’t hurt me.”
It definitely hadn’t hurt his waistline, she thought, visualizing the six-pack abs hidden under his shirt. She nodded and started to get up. “Coffee?”
He touched her hand to stop her and she felt a sudden jolt. “I’ll get it,” he said.
Kira relented, but her hungry gaze followed Trace to the coffeemaker. He stood nearly six-feet-two-inches tall, and since she was nearly five-nine, she loved his height. Her attention moved over a Western shirt that outlined his broad shoulders and narrow waist. She loved that long, lean look, especially when he wore Wrangler jeans.
And nothing else.
Heat suddenly swarmed her body just as Trace turned around. He gave her a curious look, but remained silent as he walked back to the table. He set down the mugs and she noticed his hands. Memories flooded her head, as she recalled his firm, but gentle touches, how he stroked her, bringing her pleasure.
He took a seat across from her. “I’m glad to see you’ve taken my advice and are on the decaf.”
She sat up straighter. “I realized I need more sleep.”
“We could all use a little more of that.” His gaze locked with hers. “Though I doubt I can blame my problem on the caffeine.”
Kira swallowed hard. She wanted to explore his comment further, but couldn’t. They had another topic that needed attention. “I called Mrs. Fletcher at the agency,” she said in a rush.
Trace didn’t look surprised. “I figured you would.” He set down his mug. “What did she have to say?”
“She wants to come for another home visit the first of next week.”
Trace took a sip of coffee, then asked, “What did you tell her?”
“That I’d check with you, but Monday seemed okay for us.” Kira held her breath, waiting, praying that Trace would agree to this.
“What are we going to say to her when she gets here?”
She hesitated, feeling her heart pounding. “That we want a baby.”
Trace met Kira’s anxious gaze. He could see how much she wanted this. There had been a lot of disappointment in the past two years for both of them. She’d gone through so much, both physically and emotionally, trying to get pregnant.
His own excitement began to build. A family with Kira. Was it still possible?
He wanted to make their marriage work, but her need for a child had become an obsession, leaving no room for them. By the time he moved out, she seemed relieved he was gone. Once she got her child would she turn her attention back to them? Either way he couldn’t deny her.
“I’ll be around Monday.”
Those big brown eyes widened. “Really? Oh, Trace.”
She jumped out of her chair, threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. Trace reached for her, gripping her by the waist so they both wouldn’t topple over.
Kira ended up on his lap and when she pulled back there were tears in her eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered.
He couldn’t resist, and brushed away a tear off her cheek. Seeing her rich brown eyes staring back at his caused his blood to stir. It always had, but he couldn’t let it happen, not after all the pain they’d caused each other.
He stood her on her feet. He got up, too, then backed away but ran into the counter. “You don’t have to thank me. We’d always planned on children. I haven’t agree to everything.”
She refused to look away. “Under the circumstances…and reasons you’ve agreed to do this, I still thank you.”
The hard ache in his body told him he was crazy to be this close to Kira. “Like you said it’s a long waiting list.” He drew a breath and inhaled that soft, womanly scent that was only her.
“Well, you’ve made me very happy.” She leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on his mouth. He sucked in a breath as another jolt of desire shot through him. “And I promise I’ll give you what you want.”
“That’d be a first time in a long time,” he murmured, trying to guard against his weakness for her.
“You know what I mean,” she added. “You’re doing this for me, I promise when it’s over, I won’t contest anything.”
What had happened to them? At one time, he’d wanted to give her everything. They’d planned a lifetime together. Now, she wanted nothing from him, especially not his love.
“I should go,” he told her, not wanting the conversation to go sour if they brought up any more of the past hurt. “I need to go check on that bad section of fence. I don’t want Rocky to wander off,” he rambled on. He stole another look at her and his pulse accelerated, weighing down each step he took.
“We still have things to talk about,” Kira called to him. “Maybe after I’m home from school tomorrow.”
Trace nodded, then headed for the back door, praying she wouldn’t stop him. He worked to remember the misery they’d caused each other during their last months together. He hurried out into the cool night, and it felt good against his heated skin, but even jumping into a pool of ice water wouldn’t cool off his need for Kira. He doubted anything would, ever. That still didn’t give him any hope that they were meant to be together.
The next morning, Kira had renewed hope that things were going to work out. She knew she needed to take things slow with Trace. He never rushed into anything.
She walked into her office to find Jody waiting for her. When Kira had driven the girl to her job yesterday, there wasn’t much time to talk about anything except plans for the senior roundup. That was why Kira had set up this morning’s meeting.
Jody stood. “Hello, Mrs. McKane.”
“Good morning, Jody.” Kira unlocked her office, went inside and set her things on her desk. After putting her purse in the bottom drawer, she motioned to Jody to take a seat, then she did the same.
“Okay, Jody, there are no distractions now.” She worked up a smile. “It’s just you and me.” She took the file from her in-box and opened it. “I’ve talked with your teachers, Mr. Franklin and Miss Meehan, who informed me your grades have dropped considerably as of late. Jody, is there something going on, has something happened?”
The young girl looked pale, almost sickly. Her blond hair was long, but it looked unkempt today. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, not even lip gloss. So different from the impeccably groomed girl Kira had known. Jody looked tired, no exhausted. Then it started adding up, the bad grades, and the sudden breakup with her boyfriend. Could Jody be pregnant?
Kira’s heart sank as she worked hard not to look down at the girl’s waistline. “I know I’m your guidance counselor, but I hope after our four years together, I’m your friend, too.”
The student glanced away and shrugged. “I know you’ve helped me so much.” She hesitated. “It’s just…it’s hard to talk about.”
Jody Campbell lived with her single mother, and money was always tight. With Jody’s high grade point average, Kira had been working tirelessly to help her get scholarships and financial aid for college.
“Jody, two months ago you were excited about going away to college. Has something changed that?”
She drew an unsteady breath and nodded. “Ben and I broke up.” Tears filled her eyes. “He signed up to go into the Army.”
“I’m sorry, Jody.” Ben Kerrigan was another senior. The two had been dating for the past few months. She could see the girl’s heartbreak. “When does he have to leave?”
A tear rolled down the girl’s cheek. “The end of June. He said he won’t have time for me, and doesn’t even want to write me, or anything. He said it’s better this way.” The girl broke down and sobbed.
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Patricia Thayer
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: From marriage miracle to baby miracle Kira lit up Trace McKane’s life when she said ‘I do’ – yet when no baby McKanes came, they lost sight of their precious bond. But when their name reaches the top of the adoption list, Trace returns to stand firm and strong by his brave, beautiful wife’s side.Kira’s touched by how far Trace will go to make her dreams come true. Looking up at her husband as if for the first time, she realises she has all the family she needs. It’s then that she’s given a miracle…Baby on Board From bump to baby and beyond…