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The Gift of a Child
Sue MacKay


Jodi will do anything to save her desperately ill toddler. Including asking the man she loved and had to walk away from – her son’s father, Dr Mitchell Maitland – for help. Mitchell never thought he would see his beautiful Jodi again, or learn that he’s a daddy! Now Mitchell has a chance to prove he’s the man Jodi and Jamie deserve…










Dear Reader

When my editor suggested that Louisa George and I write a duet with an over-arching story I had no idea where it would lead. Fortunately Louisa and I know each other well and have critiqued each other’s stories often, so we knew we’d be able to work together. That’s about all we knew. But many e-mails and phone calls later, and after a few nudges from our editors, here is my half of The Infamous Maitland Brothers duet.

Right from the start I loved Mitchell and Jodi. I so wanted to sort out their lives—interfering, that’s me—and give them their happy ending. But with the drama of their very ill little boy going on it wasn’t easy. I hope you enjoy reading how these two reach out to each other for the special love they need to get them through a harrowing time.

Cheers

Sue MacKay

www.suemackay.co.nz

sue.mackay56@yahoo.com




About the Author


With a background of working in medical laboratories and a love of the romance genre, it is no surprise that SUE MACKAY writes Mills & Boon


Medical Romance™ stories. An avid reader all her life, she wrote her first story at age eight—about a prince, of course. She lives with her own hero in the beautiful Marlborough Sounds, at the top of New Zealand’s South Island, where she indulges her passions for the outdoors, the sea and cycling.



Also by Sue MacKay:

YOU, ME AND A FAMILY

CHRISTMAS WITH DR DELICIOUS

EVERY BOY’S DREAM DAD

THE DANGERS OF DATING YOUR BOSS

SURGEON IN A WEDDING DRESS

RETURN OF THE MAVERICK

PLAYBOY DOCTOR TO DOTING DAD

THEIR MARRIAGE MIRACLE


These books are also available in eBook format from www.millsandboon.co.uk




The Gift of a Child

Sue MacKay







www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)


This one’s for my friend, Anne Roper,

who is always so cheerful and fun to be with.

Thanks to her lovely daughter-in-law, Michelle,

for her help on YOU, ME AND A FAMILY.

And for Leslie, number one fan.

Also a big thank you

to Melanie Milburne and Fiona Lowe

for way back in the beginning.

This might be late but you’ve never been forgotten.




CHAPTER ONE


JODI HAWKE SWUNG the budget rental car against the kerb and hauled the handbrake on hard. Her heart was in her mouth as she peered through the grease-smeared windscreen towards the small, neat semi-attached town house she’d finally found after an hour of driving around, through and over Parnell. Auckland was not her usual playground. But that was about to change—for a time at least. No matter what the outcome of this meeting.

A chill lifted goosebumps on her skin. ‘I can’t do this.’

Brushing her too-long fringe out of her eyes, she turned to glare at her guilt-ridden reflection in the rear-vision mirror, and snapped, ‘You have to.’

Think what’s at stake. ‘Jamie’s life depends on you doing this. And doing it right. This day has always been hovering in the background, waiting for show time.’

Before she could overthink the situation for the trillionth time Jodi elbowed the door open and slid out onto the road. The unassuming brick town house sat back from the road, a path zeroing in on the front door with the precision of a ruled line. The lawn had been mown to within a millimetre of its life, and the gardens were bare of anything other than some white flowering ground cover.

‘So Mitch’s still too busy working to put time or effort into anything else.’ It followed that he’d still not be taking care of any relationships either.

‘Some things never change.’ Which was unfortunate because, like it or not, big changes were on Mitch’s horizon. She was about to tip his world upside down, inside out. For ever.

Whatever his reaction he would never be able to forget what she was about to tell him. Mitchell Maitland, the man who’d stolen her heart more than three years ago, was about to get the shock of his life. The man she’d walked away from in a moment of pure desperation when it had finally hit home that he was never, ever going to change. Not for anyone, and especially not for her.

Unfortunately she’d needed his total commitment, not just the few hours he’d given her in a week. Growing up, she’d learned that when people were busy getting ahead they didn’t have time for others, not to mention handing out love and affection. Except, silly woman that she’d been, she’d thought, hoped, Mitch might’ve been different despite all the warning signs to the contrary. She’d believed her love for him would overcome anything.

Lately she’d learned the hard way that there was more to a relationship than love and affection. There was responsibility, honesty and integrity. Things she’d overlooked in Mitch. Because of that, Mitch wouldn’t forgive her in a hurry—if at all. And now it was payback time for what she’d omitted to tell him in the weeks and years since she’d told him to go.

Stepping up the path, she ignored the butterflies flapping in her belly, and went for bravado. ‘Hello, Mitchell. Remember me? I’m the one who got away still mostly intact. Left you when it became apparent you had no more time for me than it took to have a good bonk.’

At the very moment her palm pressed hard on the doorbell she noted the open windows, the curtains moving in the light breeze, heard music inside somewhere. Not Mitchell’s preferred heavy rock but a country tune.

She closed her eyes and hauled a lungful. What if he’s got a wife now? Or a live-in partner? But the answers to the few questions she’d felt safe asking of a colleague from Otago Hospital, Mitch’s old stomping ground, had reassured her he was still single and playing the field as hard as ever. But what if the information was incorrect? Maybe she should ask around some more before dropping her bombshell. Maybe she should go and hide from the truth—again. That would help heaps. Not.

In truth, she didn’t want to hurt Mitchell—at all. Too late. You already have. He just doesn’t know it. Yet. But if there had been another way around the problem she’d have found it.

‘I need to do this,’ she said under her breath. ‘It’s life or death. Jamie’s life—or death.’ Bracing her shoulders, she pressed the bell again. And gaped at the waif-like woman who tugged the door wide.

An open face with a beautiful smile, long black hair falling down her back, big brown eyes filled with friendliness. ‘Hello?’

Jodi’s fingers combed her own straggly tufts that looked as though she’d taken the wool clippers to them. No time or money to spend on caring for inessentials such as hair. A twist of envy wound through her as she studied this woman. She’d been fooling herself. Mitch wouldn’t be alone. Good-looking, highly sexed, streetwise men like him never were. ‘Hello, I’m Dr Jodi Hawke. Is Mitchell at home?’

The woman smiled easily, apparently not at all concerned with a strange female’s sudden appearance on the doorstep. ‘Sorry, but he’s at work, even though it is Saturday. I’d say come back later but who knows what time he’ll get home. He puts in long hours, always doing extra shifts.’

I know. That was the problem. One of the problems, she corrected herself. ‘He works at Auckland General Hospital, right?’ Just checking she had that fact correct.

‘Isn’t he wonderful? Helping all those sick kids? He’s got such a lovely way with them. When our Lilly broke her arm Mitch fixed her up as easy as, and even made her laugh while he was doing it.’

Our Lilly. Mitchell had a daughter? The guy who’d sworn off having his own kids for ever? Jodi’s head spun and she groped for the wall to gain some stability as darkness crashed down over her eyes. This was turning out an even bigger nightmare than she’d believed possible.

‘Hey, careful. You’re going to fall in a heap.’ A hand gripped her elbow firmly, propelling her over the doorstep and into a small entranceway. ‘What’s the matter? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Or as our Lilly would say, seen a vampire. Here …’ The woman pushed her onto a chair. She was surprisingly strong for such a small woman. ‘Sit and put your head between your knees while I get you a glass of cold water.’

‘I—I’m s-sorry,’ Jodi whispered to the departing woman. ‘I never faint. Must be something in the air.’ Yeah, something called cowardice. ‘Toughen up. You’re a mother and mothers do anything for their children. Anything.’

A shadow crossed the floor in front of Jodi. Carefully lifting her head, her eyes met a sympathetic gaze.

‘Here, drink this. My name’s Claire, by the way.’ The woman knelt beside the chair and held the glass to Jodi’s lips. ‘What happened? Gee, one minute you’re asking about Mitch, the next you’re dropping like a sack of spuds.’

‘I’m not sure. Must be the heat.’ Heat? In autumn? ‘Or something I ate earlier.’ Her voice dwindled off as she sucked in her lie. The half piece of toast at six that morning would hardly do this. Taking the glass from Claire, she sipped the refreshing water, and met the perplexed gaze of this kind woman. ‘I’m sorry, truly. I’ll get out of your way.’ Suddenly in a hurry to leave, she stood up, and swayed on her feet. Once more Claire grabbed at her, pushed her down on the chair.

‘Not so fast. You can’t walk outside like this. You’ll fall and hurt yourself.’

Embarrassed at her unusual situation, Jodi drained the water and forced her brain to clear away the furry edges brought on by her near faint. In an attempt to divert her mind she looked around the entryway, then, through an open door into the lounge. Something wasn’t right. Too neat and tidy, impersonal. No toys or children’s books. Nothing to show a child resided here. ‘Your daughter doesn’t live with you?’

‘Of course she does.’ Then understanding dawned in Claire’s eyes. ‘I don’t live here.’ She chuckled. ‘I’m Mitch’s cleaning lady. Not his girlfriend.’ She went off into peals of laughter, crossing her arms over her stomach. ‘As if. I’m married to Dave, a long-haul truckie. We’re saving to buy our own house.’

Relief poured through Jodi. ‘I’ve got it all wrong, haven’t I?’ Thank goodness, because she really didn’t want to upset this woman who’d been so kind to her. ‘I’d better get going. No point in waiting for Mitch.’ Back to the motel and Jamie. Mum would be busy working on her latest financial report, hoping Jamie stayed asleep while Jodi was out. But at least she’d come up with them to help out over the first few days until Jodi knew what would happen. Totally unlike her hardworking mother to be away from her corner grocery store for even a day, let alone a whole week.

Concern clouded Claire’s eyes. ‘Hey, I wouldn’t let you stay here without Mitch’s say-so. He doesn’t know you’re visiting, does he?’

How had she figured that out? ‘No. I, we, flew up from Dunedin today. It’s a surprise.’ Surprise? If what she had to tell Mitch was a surprise then she’d hate to think what a stealth bomber was.

Claire headed for the front door and waved her through. ‘That’s all right, then. I like the guy. He’s kind and always pays me more money than I ask for, and never leaves a huge mess to clean up. I wouldn’t want to muck up what I’ve got going here.’

Once a charmer, always a charmer. Jodi squeezed past her. ‘Thank you for the water.’ The path wavered before her and she concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other as she headed for the car.

‘Excuse me. Jodi, wasn’t it?’ Claire called after her.

She paused, glanced over her shoulder. ‘Yes.’

‘In case you want to know, as far as I can see, Mitch hasn’t got a woman in his life at the moment. When he’s here he only uses the bathroom, one half of his bed and the kitchen.’

Relief made Jodi feel wobbly again but she kept focused on that footpath and finally made it back to the stuffy car. Inside she rolled down the window to let some cooler air float across her face. Phew. The fact she’d all but fainted showed how much of a pickle she’d got herself into. The prospect of facing up to Mitch had given her endless sleepless nights. And now, after getting mentally prepared, her moment of reckoning had been delayed. It was killing her.

Nothing compared to what’s happening to Jamie.

She reached for the ignition. Glanced at the house. Saw Claire wave before she closed the front door. Claire, the cleaning lady. Not the wife or girlfriend. Mitch really was single.

Something akin to excitement bubbled through her, warmed her from the inside out. Mitch was single. So what? He was toast, had been since the night he’d done his usual no-show. Except that time she’d been sitting in the swanky restaurant, at the table he’d booked for her birthday, drinking the champagne he’d pre-ordered, tossing up between roast salmon on fennel or venison steak when she’d seen his brother come in with his current glamorous toss. The brother she’d previously gone out with, and who’d never let her down. But who’d also never made her skin ache with need or her hormones dance the tango at the thought of him touching her. Only Mitch had ever done that.

Max had seen her, seated his date, then crossed to say in a satisfied tone, ‘So Mitchell’s let you down yet again, has he?’

And that had been the moment she’d known she was done with the Maitland twins. For ever. She’d taken her bottle of champagne and what was left in it, bought another, and headed home, stopping only to get a burger and chips on the way. She’d got thoroughly drunk all by herself. And in the morning she’d called in sick—not hard to do with the hangover she’d had—and had spent the hours packing. When Mitch had raced in about midday full of apologies she’d pointed to his bags and asked for her key back. ‘I won’t be treated as an afterthought. Last night was the final time you do that to me. I’m worthy of more than what you’re prepared to give me.’ Pride had kept back the words ‘I love you’, instead replaced with, ‘We’re over. I’m sorry.’

And she had been very sorry, and broken-hearted, but she’d known if she hadn’t stood up for herself she’d eventually have been worn down to become a needy woman waiting and begging for a few minutes of Mitch’s attention. Like her mother had with Dad. She’d done her share of begging her father for some attention too. Dad had spent every day and night charming people into handing over their hard-earned savings for him to invest. He’d missed her birthdays, too.

So Jodi Hawke didn’t do needy. Not now, not ever. She stood up for herself. Had learned the hard way at ten years old when she’d been humiliated and harassed at school for her father’s crimes that when you needed friends onside they let you down. When he’d ended up in jail there’d been an endless stream of kids to taunt her. Turning to her mother for solace had been a mistake. Dealing with her own problems and working every hour she could to climb out of the debt-laden hole Dad had left them in, Mum had had very little time for her too.

Withdrawing from everyone, Jodi had learned to fight back. If anyone wanted to be her friend they’d had to prove their worth. Two girls had stood by her, and were still there for her, as she was for them. But not one of the trio was needy, just sometimes requiring friendship and a shoulder to soak with tears. Entirely different.

Driving away from the house, Jodi wondered what Mitch would be like now. One thing was for sure, he’d still be a hunk with a sculpted body that he worked on in the gym. And those hands. Her tongue lapped her lips. The hands that knew unbelievable things about a woman’s body, had incredibly exciting ways of ramping up the desire that was always waiting just under her skin whenever he was near. Then there were those mesmerising blue eyes that had reminded her of summer, even on the bleakest of days. Until the end of their relationship, that was. That had been a grey day.

‘It will be winter glittering out at me today, though. Mitch is so going to hate me.’

Being dunked in an ice bucket couldn’t have chilled her as much. Her skin lifted, her spine shuddered, and her fingers clenched.

‘Remember how quickly he replaced you. Two weeks? Or was it three?’

That did not alleviate the chill gripping her body. At the end of the day there was no denying she’d done a bad thing. The fact they’d broken up wasn’t an excuse. But everything else that had happened might have been. Would Mitch understand her actions back then? Forgive her?

She already knew the answer, and yet still pleaded, ‘Please, please, Mitchell, remember one of the good moments we shared and go easy on me. I know I did wrong, but I need you onside now.’

Five hours later the digital clock in the rental car clicked over to eight-thirty.

Jodi grunted. ‘He’s not coming home any time soon.’ She’d returned to his house to find it in darkness, the curtains not drawn. As far as she could make out, Mitchell hadn’t been back in the time since her previous visit.

Still obsessed with putting in the hours at hospital. That man was driven. He never wanted to come second in anything. To anybody. Especially not to his twin brother. Their one-upmanship battles had been legendary at Otago Med School. Probably still were here at Auckland General.

She shivered. The temperature had dropped when the sun had gone down. And her memories of long, lonely nights waiting until Mitch had deigned to come home and see her sprang out of the dark place she’d forced them into a long time ago. Not so surprising when she sat outside his house, in his city, the closest she’d been to him in three years.

‘Back to the motel, and Jamie.’ Her darling boy would be tucked up in bed, hopefully sleeping easily. Earlier she’d kissed him goodnight after a meal of chicken bites and chips, a treat that remarkably Mum had forked out for. Breathing in his little-boy smell, stroking his head, tickling his tummy, a huge lump had blocked her throat. Rapid blinking had kept the tears at bay. Just. Even now they hovered, ready to spill down her cheeks in a moment’s weakness. Toughen up. There’s no room for weakness.

What if Mitchell didn’t agree to her request? There was no ‘what if’. He had to agree. He might be a self-focused man but he also knew the right thing to do. So Jamie should be safe.

She couldn’t, wouldn’t, imagine life without Jamie in it. He was so sweet, wickedly cute, and totally uncomplaining even when the pain struck. He didn’t know what it was like to be full of energy, to be able to run around the lawn shouting at the world, or to ride a bike, or to go a whole day without having to take at least two naps. And yet he still had an impish grin that twisted her heart and made her hug him tight, trying to ward off the inevitable.

A tired smile lifted one corner of her mouth. Even now her mother would be hooked into the internet, reading the stocks and shares figures from the other side of the world, impervious to anything else. Another workaholic who hadn’t learned to stop or even just slow down and, as the saying had it, smell the roses.

She took a right turn to head back to the grotty, dank motel room. Back to another night tossing and turning as she argued and pleaded with Mitch inside her head, as she argued with herself. Back to check up on her darling little boy, her horrendously ill little boy, who’d been dealt a black card in the stakes of life.

A car zoomed past in the opposite direction, headlights on full, and temporarily blinded her. Her foot lifted off the accelerator as she twisted the steering wheel sideways. ‘Idiot,’ she yelled at the unseen driver whizzing past, narrowly missing her rental vehicle.

‘Delinquent. Look where you’re going.’ She vented some of her pent-up anger and fear. ‘You could’ve killed me.’

Then who would talk to Mitchell about Jamie? Maybe leaving this until tomorrow wasn’t such a great idea. Who knew what might happen in the intervening hours? She hadn’t tried to find him anywhere else but at home. Which was fairly silly. The Mitch she’d known would always be at the hospital. Which meant he’d be very busy. Saturday night in ED was never a picnic. She had to wait until the morning.

‘No.’ Her fist crunched down on her thigh. ‘No. I’m done with waiting. Done with planning the arguments for and against my case. Done, done, done.’ Her palm slapped the steering wheel. She had to see Mitch. Now. The time had come. No more avoidance. No more lying to herself, saying she’d done the right thing. Because being right or wrong wasn’t going to change a thing. It wasn’t going to alter the fact she should’ve told Mitch about Jamie a long time ago.

The hurt she’d known of waiting up for Dad to come home and read her a story, or to say she was his princess, had been behind her decision in not telling Mitch about Jamie. Yes, Mitch, love him or not, would act the same as her father had. He’d never be there for his child because there’d always be one more patient to help, one more urgent case to deal wtih before hanging up his white coat and heading home.

If Mitch kicked her butt hard and fast when she told him why she was here, and why she hadn’t come knocking three years ago, so be it. If he sent her packing, refusing to believe her—which was her expectation—she’d deal with that too. She’d argue till she was all out of breath. If he refused categorically to meet Jamie, to help him … then she’d tie him up and pour boiling oil over his beautiful body.

Doing a U-turn, she headed into the city centre and Auckland General, the hospital with New Zealand’s best renal specialists and the most modern equipment available for what ailed Jamie. The hospital where Mitch was head of the emergency department. Where he looked out for patients, including other people’s little boys and girls. Would he look out for her boy? Of course he would. He wasn’t an ogre.

Over the coming days she would ask him to consider doing something he’d never, ever have contemplated. Who would, unless faced with it?

She was also about to grovel before the man she’d once loved, the man she’d never shown a moment of weakness to in the months they’d lived together.

She was about to give away her soul.

It was far too easy to find a parking space outside the ED. But despite the pounding in her chest Jodi didn’t linger anymore. The time had come. Having once worked briefly in the ED, she knew the ropes and within moments she was inside the emergency department asking for Dr Maitland.

‘I think he took a break.’ A young nurse answered her enquiries. ‘Though he was talking about going to a party tonight so you might be out of luck.’

She’d been out of luck for years. Just not tonight, please. ‘Where’s the staff kitchen?’ she asked the next person. ‘I’m looking for Mitch Maitland.’

‘Mitch headed towards his office,’ a harried junior doctor told her as he raced past.

‘Which is where?’ Jodi asked the disappearing back of the doctor.

‘Down the corridor, turn right, left, left, and then try the third door on your right,’ another nurse told her.

Okey-dokey. Showtime. Jodi’s footsteps slowed as she took the last left. They stopped entirely outside the third door on the right. Her knuckles rapped on the door. No reply. Her hand shook as her fingers gripped the doorknob. Shoving the door wide, she stepped into hell.

‘Hello, Mitchell. Long time no see.’

The reply was a snore.

She felt like a balloon that’d just been pricked. ‘Oh, great. Wonderful to see you, too.’ All her over-tightened muscles cramped further. Her tongue licked her dry lips. And once again her legs threatened to drop her in a heap on the floor.

Another snore.

Jodi closed the door quietly, leaned back against it, desperate for support. Her breasts rose on a slow intake of air, and she studied the view. Definitely still hunky. Those hands she remembered so well were hidden behind his head as he sprawled in his chair with his feet crossed neatly at the ankles on his desk. But those muscular thighs under the fabric of his trousers cranked up some hot memories. Dragging her gaze upwards, she studied his face.

His head was tipped back slightly, the sparkling blue eyes invisible behind closed eyelids. But his long black eyelashes lay softly on his upper cheeks, twisting her heart. Oh so sexy stubble darkened his chin, his jaw.

The air whooshed out of her lungs.

How had she ever found the strength to leave him?

Worse, where was the strength to break his world into a million little pieces?

Think of Jamie. That was the only thing she could do. Anything else and she’d fall apart at the seams.

Clearing her throat she pitched her voice higher. ‘Mitch. Wake up.’




CHAPTER TWO


MITCH KNEW HE was hallucinating. Too many strong coffees. Had to be. Nothing else would explain why he thought he saw Jodi Hawke standing here in his office. He shut his eyes tight, concentrated on removing that unnerving image from his brain. Slowly raised his eyelids. There. Leaning against his door. Jodi Hawke. No, not leaning. More like melting into the door, becoming a part of it. As in an attempt to remain upright.

A Jodi lookalike, then. The Jodi he’d known had had more confidence than a one-hundred-metre sprinter. Through narrowed eyes, he studied this apparition. Worn jeans hung loosely off her hips. A shapeless, faded cotton jersey bagged from her breasts and over her tummy, while scuffed trainers on her feet completed the strange picture.

The Jodi he remembered had been a fashionista. She’d certainly never gone for the ragdoll effect. And she’d definitely never been quiet, let alone silent.

God, what had been in those coffees? Definitely something weird and potent. His eyes drooped shut as the need to continue sleeping washed over him. It had been a big day made huge after a multi-car pile-up on the motorway. He’d attended to five seriously injured people, not to mention the usual number of patients continuously filing through the department. No wonder he was exhausted and seeing things. Then a nag set up in his skull. Wasn’t he supposed to be going somewhere?

‘Mitchell,’ squeaked the lookalike.

Jodi never squeaked. Through sheer willpower he did not move, not even an eyelid. Until his mouth let him down, demanding, ‘Tell me this is a joke.’ A very sick joke. But there’d be no reply. He was hallucinating.

‘Mitch, damn you. Look at me.’

He snapped forward so fast his neck clicked and his eyes opened into a wide stare. His feet hit the floor with a thump. ‘You’re real.’ He knew that voice, had heard it against his chest in the heat of passion, had felt it lash him in anger.

‘What else would I be?’ Her eyes bored into him, unrelenting in their determination to get his attention.

She certainly had that in spades. What was she doing here? Should he be worried? Nah, couldn’t see any reason for that. But after three years she just waltzes in through his door and tells him what to do? No way, sunshine. ‘A bad dream.’

She winced, and a whole ton of emotions blinked out at him from those unnerving eyes. Anger, hurt, shock, caution. But the overriding one appeared to be fear. Jodi was afraid of him? That had him standing upright faster than a bullet train. Nothing was making any sense. They hadn’t seen or spoken to each other for so long there was nothing between them now; not good or bad. Yet now she looked as though she wanted to be anywhere but here with him. Odd since she had been the one to walk in unannounced.

Even in the deep quiet of night, when nothing stirred except his memory, he’d never believed Jodi would want him back. Jumping the gun a bit, aren’t you? She’s probably passing through and decided to look you up for old times’ sake. As if. It had hurt beyond comprehension when she’d kicked him out and before he’d left Dunedin he’d often started towards her place to beg for a second chance, only to back off, knowing Jodi would give him most things but never that.

So why was she here? She didn’t do casual. Whatever had brought her through his door must be serious.

Apprehension crawled up his back. Somehow he managed to drawl with feigned nonchalance, ‘Jodi, long time no see.’ Three years five months, to be nearly exact. Tension overlaid tension in his weary body. And he’d thought he’d forgotten all about her. Forgotten making love with her in the long grass above the beach in summer. Forgotten how her laugh always made him feel he could slay dragons. But he’d been kidding himself. Big time.

Now his gaze was back to cruising, checking out that wacky, totally unstylish hair, the eyes that weren’t bordered with a pail of war paint, the non-lipsticked lips bruised where she must’ve nibbled for hours. So she still did that.

What had happened to this woman? He struggled to recognise her for who she’d been. A bright, sparkly woman with a figure any model would die for and the accessories to match. An intern adored by patients and staff alike. The only woman he’d even considered doing something way out with—as in settling down and buying the picket fence with. Everything he remembered about her had disappeared. All gone. Replaced by a stranger. Or so it seemed.

‘What brings you to Auckland? I presume you’re still living down south.’

‘Yes, I am.’ She still leaned against the door. ‘At least, I did until today.’

‘You’re on the move? Anywhere exciting?’ What the hell’s this got to do with me?

‘I don’t know about exciting. But I’m shifting to Auckland for a while.’ She choked over that last word. Tears glittered on her eyelashes.

Oh, God, she hadn’t taken a job in ED? Here? In his department? No, don’t be daft. Who would’ve sanctioned that if not him? Think about it. She wasn’t trained to work in an emergency department. The tension in his belly backed off a notch. So, what was her visit about? Had she really turned up for a chat about old times? Nah, not at this hour of the night.

He stamped on the flare of sympathy that drawn face caused, and parked his backside back on his chair. Stretching his legs under the desk, he started at the beginning. ‘You arrived today and already you’re knocking on my door? Do you need a job? Because I’m sorry to disappoint you but I’m overstaffed as it is.’

‘No, I don’t need a job.’ She swallowed. ‘Actually, I will do at some point but that’s not why I’m here.’

There was a relief. But the tension gripping his muscles didn’t relax at all. ‘So this is a social call?’

Another swallow. Then her tongue moistened her lips. And that fear in her eyes grew. ‘No,’ she croaked.

Mitch studied her carefully as a sense of falling over the edge of a cliff began expanding deep inside him. Jodi hadn’t spoken more than two sentences to him—and, yes, he remembered what they’d been, word for word—from the day she’d put his packed bags on the front doorstep of the flat they’d shared and said goodbye. Even his explanations about helping seriously injured people hadn’t softened her stance. Neither had telling her he needed just another year of putting in long hours and then he’d be set for life, would have the career he wanted and a whole lot more time for her. In the end he’d swallowed the hurt, sucked up his pride, and got on with his life. Like he did with most things. Except his brother.

But Jodi’s departure from his life had hurt far more than he could’ve ever imagined. What had started out as fun had turned into something deeper but, being him, he’d realised that far too late. After he’d lost her. So really she’d done him a favour, saved him from himself. It had been his only foray into something resembling a proper relationship and he’d sucked at it. As he’d known he would. But he’d have liked the opportunity to rectify his mistakes.

But Jodi Hawke didn’t do second chances.

Besides, he knew all about the fickleness of relationships. All relationships, not just the boyfriend/girlfriend ones. Hell, Jodi was just one in a line of people who’d hurt him by disappearing out of his life. Which was why he did the moving on, usually quite quickly. Easier to protect himself that way. But he’d been in love with Jodi—as close to being in love as he’d ever been before or since—and had hung around too long, thinking it might work out. That she might be the one to see past his disillusionment. Of course he hadn’t done anything to try to keep her.

The break-up had been behind his speedy move up to Auckland. He couldn’t stand the thought of bumping into her at any corner within the hospital, in any bar or nightclub in town. Shifting cities had turned into a wise career move that had helped him clear his horrendous student loan and buy himself a modest house. And he’d shown his brother he was also capable of having an outstanding career.

Damn it. Jodi did this to him in a matter of minutes. Brought back the heartache, the guilt and doubts.

Someone knocked on the door and Jodi shot across the room looking completely flustered. Mitch shook his head at her. What the hell was wrong? This timidity was so not Jodi. Something terrible must’ve happened to her in the intervening years. His heart rolled. He might be wary about seeing her again, but if anyone had hurt her they’d better watch out, be prepared to answer to him.

‘Hey, Mitch—oh, sorry, I didn’t realise you had company. I’ll catch you some other time.’ Aaron might be talking to him but his eyes were fixed on Jodi.

Mitch shook his head again, and focused on the guy who ran the night shift in ED. ‘Is everything all right in the department?’ Hopefully it was ripping busy and he could get out of here, go to work and forget his unwanted visitor. Problem or no problem.

Aaron waved a hand through the air. ‘All good, no worries. I was going to read over the terms of the TV company’s visit next week, nothing important.’

How was that for an understatement? None of his staff, including Aaron, were happy about the documentary a national television company was making about life in a busy emergency department, and it fell to him to make it work, even when he agreed with his staff. Visitors in the unit, especially ones the board forced on them, were a pain in the butt, getting in the way, asking crazy questions, upsetting staff and patients. ‘I’ll catch up with you tomorrow sometime.’

‘Sure.’ Aaron took one more appraising look at Jodi before glancing at his watch. ‘You should’ve clocked off hours ago, Mitch. We don’t need you hanging around taking up space.’

Mitch grimaced. Thanks, pal. Go ahead and make Jodi welcome while you’re at it, why don’t you? ‘I’ve got other things to attend to first.’

Aaron raised his eyebrows. ‘Yeah, sure. Weren’t you going to Samantha’s party?’

The party. That’s what had been niggling at his half-baked brain about the time he’d seen Jodi slumped against his door. ‘I’ll be on my way in a moment.’

‘You won’t have missed much. Sam’s parties don’t usually crank up until near midnight.’ Aaron glanced at Jodi, back to him, fixing him with a not-your-usual-type look before slipping out of the office and closing the door noisily.

Closing Jodi in with Mitch. Again. He sucked air, steadied that shaky feeling in his stomach and tried for normal. ‘Want to tell me why you’re here? Because, as you heard, I am busy. I’m meant to be somewhere else.’

She didn’t even say, ‘When aren’t you?’ Which he admitted she had every right to do, that having been the crux of their break-up way back then. Instead, she surprised him. ‘Mitch, can we go somewhere to talk?’ Her gaze clashed with his and she didn’t back off. Something resembling the strength he’d always associated with her slipped into her gaze, pushing that fear sideways. ‘Somewhere quiet where no one will interrupt us.’

There was a warning in her voice that gave him the impression that something terrible was coming. Yet for the life of him he couldn’t imagine what. Whatever it was obviously wouldn’t wait. Which made him want to stall her for as long as possible. He didn’t want to hear her out. Opening his mouth to say no, he said, ‘Just give me a minute while I grab some coffees and tell the night staff to leave us alone. We’ll be undisturbed in here. I see no need to leave the hospital.’ Except those gathering clouds in her eyes.

‘I think you’d prefer to hear what I have to say somewhere else, neutral territory if you like.’ Her bottom lip trembled. ‘With no one you know likely to burst in on us.’

‘As you heard, I’m going out tonight.’ He nodded at his overnight bag against the far wall. ‘I need to shower and change so I’d prefer to get this over right here. Whatever this is.’ Why did he feel such a heel? Could it be the pain darkening those toffee-coloured orbs? Did he have some lingering feelings for her? No, definitely not. Crazy idea. But he should cut her some slack, at least until he’d heard her out. They’d lived together for six months so he owed her that much. ‘So, do you want coffee?’

‘No, thanks. Nothing.’ She dropped onto the spare chair. The fingers she interlaced were white. She looked so tiny, all shrunk in on herself, and when she lifted her head to face him he gasped.

‘Jodi?’ Her eyes stood out like snooker balls against her colourless cheeks. Was she ill? Please, not that. Anything but that. His heart lurched and he had to fight the urge to wrap her up in his arms. Shelter her from whatever was troubling her so much. ‘What’s wrong?’

She swallowed, opened her mouth, and whispered, ‘We have a son. You have a son.’

Wrong, wrong, wrong. That was not how she had meant to inform him. What had happened to easing into telling him about Jamie? She’d been going to explain the situation carefully, one thing at a time, not hit him over the head with a baseball bat. Now he’d never hear her through. The arguments were already building in his eyes.

Nausea roiled up and she gripped the sides of the chair, forcing her stomach to behave. Her teeth bit down hard on her lip, creating pain to focus on. There was nothing she could do to take the words back. There would be no starting again. No second chance. So get on with it, tell him the rest.

He was staring at her as though she’d gone crazy, his head moving from side to side in denial. ‘I don’t think so.’

‘It’s true.’ Again nausea threatened, stronger this time. She had to get this over, tell him everything. But he was already saying something.

‘Jodi, Jodi. I don’t know what’s behind this but your outrageous idea won’t get you anywhere.’ When she opened her mouth to reply he talked right over her. ‘It’s been done before.’

‘What?’

‘You’re not the first woman to try using her child to get me to set her up in a lifestyle she thought was her right.’

‘What?’

‘Last year a nurse from the surgical ward insisted I was the father of her unborn child. Wanted to get married in a hurry before everyone noticed. What she really wanted was the wedding, my wage packet and the supposed fancy house. She played me for a fool. She lied, she lost.’

Where was the rubbish bin? Every office had one somewhere. Her hand over her mouth, Jodi frantically looked around as her stomach threatened to evict the few chicken nuggets she’d eaten earlier.

‘Hey, Jodi? Oh, hell. Here.’ A plastic receptacle appeared under her nose. A hand pressed between her shoulder blades, forcing her over the bin.

Don’t be sick. Don’t. Swallowing the bile in her mouth, she slowly counted to ten, fighting her stomach. Sweat broke out on her forehead. Her hands were clammy. Breathe. In, out. In, out. The nausea began to recede. But she daren’t pull back from that bin just yet. ‘I’m sorry.’

Why was she apologising? And for what? Feeling ill? Because another woman had done the dirty on him? For giving him the news no man liked to hear? She’d hardly started. He hadn’t heard the worst yet. He still didn’t know about Jamie’s illness. That’s when he’d take her seriously. And really hate her. Because he’d understand what she wanted from him.

She lost the argument with her stomach.




CHAPTER THREE


MITCHELL PUT THE rubbish bin in the far corner and covered it with the hand towel hanging beside the basin. Who knew when Jodi might need it again? She looked terrible, pale and shaky, the fingers she gripped some tissues with trembling non-stop. Half the water in the glass he handed her splashed over her jeans.

Returning to his desk, he parked his butt on the edge and folded his arms across his chest. He studied her carefully as she sipped and rinsed her mouth. Looked hard for the Jodi he used to know. Impossible to find behind the un-happiness in those eyes. Not easy to see in her bedraggled appearance. Hadn’t she been looking after herself? If he’d thought she’d been white before, he’d been totally wrong.

A tiny knot of fear formed in his gut. What if she was telling him the truth? Jodi never dodged bullets; always told it like she saw it. So wouldn’t she have told him about a baby right from the get-go? Wouldn’t she? Maybe not. She’d always been fiercely independent.

Not to mention the memory now flashing across his brain of how she’d called him the most unreliable man on the planet when it came to devoting time to her or anyone not involved in his work. Had even gone so far as to call him selfish. So she’d expect the same of him when it came to their child. At the time, her frank appraisal had stung. Honest to the point of being brutal. That was Jodi. And right now he’d swear that same honesty was blinking out at him.

He tried to dampen the sarcasm. He really did. ‘You turn up here after all this time to tell me I’m a father. Do you honestly think I’m about to believe you without knowing more? Come on, I might not be top of your favourite people list but you also know I’m not stupid. If you were pregnant, why did you kick me out? I’d have been the gravy train.’

He stood up and headed for the door. He couldn’t do this. He didn’t want to do it.

You’re running away, big boy.

Yeah, well, it hurt to think she’d even consider him fool enough to believe her. Hadn’t she got it? Way back? Got that he didn’t do commitment or that for ever stuff?

Wake up. That’s probably why she never told you she was pregnant. ‘What took you so long to tell me?’ He ground the words out.

‘I tried to tell you.’

‘How come I missed that?’

Her finger picked at her jeans. ‘I phoned the flat you moved to a few times but you were never there, night or day. I didn’t want to spring it on you in front of your colleagues in the ED. But finally I gave up thinking like that and tracked you down at work.’

The hairs rose on the back of his neck. He knew what was coming. Hell, damn, double damn. Once again he’d blown it—big time.

‘You were well and truly absorbed in a nurse. That was some steamy kiss going on in the sluice room. Her arms must’ve taken a month to unwind from around you.’ Anger and hurt blended to turn her voice sad and low. ‘You’d got over me so fast I wondered if you’d even remembered my name.’

Embarrassment made him squirm. ‘It was deliberate. To make you think I didn’t care. I saw you come into the department.’ He sounded like a fifteen-year-old. Actually, that was insulting all teens.

Jodi gaped at him. ‘You did what?’

‘Yes, well, it kind of upset me when you kicked me out but I had no intention of showing you that.’ If only he’d known why Jodi had come looking for him that day. Would it have made any difference? He’d like to think he’d have stepped up to the mark.

She was shaking her head at him. ‘Do you know what that stupid act did? The anguish it caused?’ She spluttered to a stop, twisted her fingers around each other and stared at her feet.

‘For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. But be fair, I had no idea why you were there. You still could’ve insisted on talking to me.’

‘I went away to think it all through. That took a lot longer than I’d expected.’ Did she mutter ‘Months longer’ under her breath?

He felt beyond terrible. Despite everything he’d heard, that knot of fear hadn’t evaporated at all. But what happened now? What did he say? Do?

Jodi’s voice wobbled but her words were loud and clear. ‘Trust me, I wouldn’t be telling you now if I could avoid it.’

Stopping in mid-stride, he spun back to her. ‘Hey, I certainly didn’t ask for this. I’m not the one making you spill the beans.’ But I am the one behaving badly. Hear her out before showing her the door. It might be quicker and easier that way. And if there was something he could do for her then he’d do it just to show there were no hard feelings. Sure you’re not remembering how much you liked Jodi before she sent you packing? Sure you don’t want to make amends just a little bit for treating her so offhandedly back then? For kissing that dazzling blonde whose name you can’t recall?

I was looking out for myself.

Excuses, excuses.

Jodi pulled herself upright and still looked small. But fighting hard. Like she wasn’t about to give up on this in a hurry. A mother protecting her child?

That twist of fear grew bigger.

‘Mitchell, we can go the DNA route if you want proof Jamie is yours. But I think I can persuade you with this.’

His gaze was glued to her as she slid her hand inside the back pocket of her jeans. As she began withdrawing a cellphone, a sudden landslide of emotion engulfed him. He knew without seeing whatever she was about to show him that finally everything he’d ever done, all the deliberate plans to remain unattached to anyone for ever had just come completely undone.

He did know Jodi. Knew she’d never pull a stunt like this on anyone. Knew how she would not have hesitated to bring a child up on her own. Knew that she’d love that child more than life itself. All the arguing in his head couldn’t change that.

Her hand shook violently as she held the opened phone out, a photo shining at him. ‘This is Jamie. Your boy.’

He stared and stared at that phone, unable to reach for it because the moment he did he was finished. Life had come full circle on him. He’d spent years perfecting avoidance of commitment. Even his town house was just a building to sleep and shower in. His mouth was drier than a summer wind. His insides tossed and turned as though in a tumble dryer.

‘Mitch, take it. Please.’ A tear oozed from the corner of her eye.

He had always been able to turn a blind eye to women’s tears. Until now. That solitary drop of water inching down her cheek arrowed straight to his heart. Jodi. Jamie.

His fingers weren’t steady, probably never would be again. The phone slipped through her hand and his to the carpeted floor. Jodi didn’t move to pick it up, sat there peering up at him with those stricken eyes. Finally he reached down, swooped it up, turned it the right way round and, with a suck of air, met his son.

He stared at his own reflection. At least, that’s what it looked like. The eyes looking out at him were the same shade of blue he saw in the mirror every time he shaved. The only difference about the straight dark hair was the style. Slightly too long and wild. The generous grin with even, white teeth; the straight, pointed nose. Even the ‘to hell with the world’ attitude in the little lad’s stance. This was himself thirty-three years ago.

But this photo. The modern background and clothes. This was different. Not even he could deny this boy was his.

Jamie was his son. He was a dad. Oh, my God.

‘Mitchell?’ His name hiccupped off Jodi’s lips.

‘Why now? Why not three years ago?’ He swallowed the bitter comments hovering on his tongue. He mightn’t want to be a father, or to even know he was one, but she should’ve told him, given him the choice of what to do about the situation. Except Jodi knew him all too well, had known he’d resist with every fibre in his body. What had changed her mind about telling him?

Jodi grimaced, went back to twisting her fingers round and round. The desolation in her face drilled him. ‘I am very, very sorry.’

He waited quietly, while his heart thudded hard against his ribs. He couldn’t have enunciated a word if he’d tried. I’ve missed out on so much. Three years of growing up that I’ll never know about. Surprising how much that hurt. Even when it was partially his own fault. Especially because of that. Jodi had carried the weight of his blind need to protect himself, had paid the consequences. Until tonight. ‘Tell me what brings you here now.’

When she finally answered it was with dignity. ‘Jamie’s very ill. He’s going to die if I don’t get the right care very soon. You might be able to help him.’

The strength went out of his knees. Gripping the edge of the table, he held himself upright. He’d asked and got the answers. Damn it. He stared at her. Her unwavering gaze spoke the truth. All of this nightmare was true. All of it. And more. His head whirled with angry questions. With denial. With acceptance. With—he didn’t know the hell what with but it sure as blazes hurt. Pain needled him, squeezed him, shook him like a defenceless kitten in a dog’s mouth.

Groping for his chair, he sank down into it and dropped his head into his hands. Could he rewind the clock an hour? Back to when the biggest problem he’d had was keeping his staff happy during the coming week? Back to when he’d been snoozing before going to a party?

‘What do you want from me?’ He didn’t recognise his own voice it was so croaky. ‘Money?’ He lashed out, trying to step through this mire of problems he’d never expected to have, trying to come out on top of it all. His way. The way he felt safe. The way he had some control over everything.

‘I’ll forget you said that.’ Ice chipped off Jodi’s words. ‘Jamie has renal failure. Cystinosis, to be exact. Our specialist in Dunedin believes he’s got a better chance up here. In this hospital.’

‘Bloody hell.’ Mitch leapt up and strode across the room, turned at the wall, strode back. Turned and slapped his hands on his hips as he bent down towards her. ‘Kick me in the guts, why don’t you?’

‘I know how you must be feeling.’

His eyebrows disappeared over the back of his head and his jaw clanged down on his chest. The situation got the better of him. ‘You know how I’m feeling? That’s rich.’

Her eyes were murky, like mud. Wet, brown and so, so sad. ‘I’ve been dealing with Jamie’s illness all his life. But I haven’t forgotten the day I was told about his condition. The terror, the sense of failing my baby, wanting to believe the doctors had made a mistake and that someone’s else’s son was sick and not mine. And then guilt for thinking that. So, yes, I do know.’

Did she have to sound so bloody reasonable? And so disappointed with him? Couldn’t she cut him some slack? It was all too much, too new, too raw. He tried to breath, struggled. Paced across the room and back, swallowed the lump blocking his throat, and strove for control. Back and forth across his office, which got smaller with every turn. He needed to get out of there, get some air. Stop thinking for a bit to give his mind time to settle down and absorb everything he’d learned over the last few minutes.

‘I’m going for a walk.’ He headed for the door.

Jodi was out of her chair and in his face so fast he hadn’t even reached for the door handle. ‘I’m coming with you.’

‘No, Jodi. Give me a break here, okay? I need time to myself. It’s not like you’ve given me a weather forecast or told me the cat’s got fleas. This is huge. I need to absorb it all before I decide what I’m going to do.’

Her lips tightened. ‘I understand. It’s been a big shock. But I’m coming with you. You’ll have plenty of questions once you start getting past the initial disbelief and I want to be there to answer them.’ When he narrowed his eyes at her she added quickly, ‘I won’t say a thing unless you ask me to.’

Maybe this really was a lookalike Jodi.

His phone sang a tune. He groaned as he read the message. ‘Samantha’s wondering why I haven’t turned up at the party yet.’

If looks could kill, he’d be a goner. Holding his hands up in a placating gesture, he added, ‘I’m definitely not in the mood for a party now.’ Probably never would be again. His finger pressed the ‘off’ button. Shocking how quickly life could change.

‘Samantha is?’

‘Not my girlfriend.’ He hauled the door open and Jodi slipped out right alongside him. She stuck to him all the way through the hospital corridors, through the car park and onto the street, where he strode blindly along the footpath, trying to outrun this nightmare.

And, true to her word, she didn’t utter a word.

Which was even more disturbing. He did not know this Jodi at all.

Jodi shivered in the chill night air. Wrapping her arms around her upper body, she tripped along beside Mitch.

Engrossed in thought, he didn’t seem to realise she was still with him, which gave her a chance to study him uninterrupted. Every time they passed under a streetlight she saw the raw shock still in his face. And the serious bent of his gaze. The clenched jaw.

At least he wasn’t shucking Jamie off like a used coat. That had to be good. Mitch was the champion of avoidance when it came to getting close to someone. He knew all the moves to keep people at arm’s length. Even in the best times they had together she’d known she had no future with him, that eventually he’d be gone.

That had made it a little easier to toss him out. Only a very little. The weeks and months following that disastrous day had been hard. Learning she was pregnant had added to her grief, but hadn’t broken her resolve to stay away from him after the conversation she’d overheard between him and his twin.

‘Here, put this on.’ Mitch shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to her.

‘Th-thanks. Wh-what about y-you?’ Her teeth hurt as they chattered from the cold.

‘I’ll be fine.’

The jacket came down to her knees and she could’ve wrapped it around herself twice. ‘A-anything y-you want to ask m-me?’

‘What field did you finally qualify in? Paediatrics or general practice?’

Okay, not about Jamie, then. ‘I opted for general practice when I learned I was pregnant.’

‘Why?’

As warmth seeped into her chilled muscles she concentrated on telling him what he wanted to know. ‘I didn’t like the idea of the horrendous hours that working in a hospital entailed. I wanted to be home at the end of the day for my child. Turned out it was a good move. Since Jamie became ill I’ve only worked part time.’ Very part time, some weeks.

‘Do you like being a GP?’

Still avoiding the real issue. She sighed. Maybe this was the way to the heart of the matter, giving him time to assimilate everything. ‘I love it. I see the same people regularly, get to know their families, watch the children growing.’ Her words dwindled away as she thought of Jamie and how he didn’t seem to grow at all these days. How a good day for him was one without pain or not being admitted to hospital.

‘Yeah, I can see you fitting right in there. You always could empathise with people as easily as breathing.’

Whereas he’d never enjoy spending his days working with the same people, getting to know their strengths and weaknesses, having them believe they had a connection with him beyond a fifteen-minute consultation. But she took the compliment, held it in her heart; a small warmth in an otherwise frosty situation. ‘You obviously still love the adrenalin rush of emergency medicine, though the hours seem to have taken their toll if that little snooze I witnessed is anything to go by.’

His elbows dug into his sides briefly. ‘Caught. But in defence I’ve been working for ten days straight. And before you say it, I haven’t changed in that respect. I do love the rush and drama of ED.’

Had he changed at all? In what ways? She hadn’t noticed anything different yet. ‘What about being HOD? More paperwork, less action, surely?’ Definitely not his forte.

‘Not in my department. Head of Department isn’t a job to be turned on and off. The paper stuff gets done when it gets done, which lands me in hot water too often. Tough. The patients come first. The work’s demanding and absorbing. How many people can say they get a buzz out of their job every single day? Do you?’

No, sometimes she was so tired after sitting up all night with Jamie it took everything she had to even turn up. ‘I used to love the buzz when I was training in hospital too, but I never let it take over my whole life.’ Ouch. Snippy. Settle down. Antagonising the guy wouldn’t win her any favours. ‘Sorry.’

Mitch stopped and took her elbow to turn her. Looking down into her eyes, he smiled tiredly. ‘I guess we’ve got a few bones to pick over. But maybe not tonight, eh?’

Staring through the half-light, she could see how confused, lost even, he looked. Yet his hand on her elbow was reassuring. Standing here with Mitch, something she’d never thought she’d do again, a sense of homecoming washed over her. The strength she’d loved in him, the gentleness, the caring. She’d missed all that and more.

They might never become real friends, might always bicker and try to avoid each other, but he knew about Jamie now. So nothing would ever be the same for her again, ever be as bad as the last lonely, heartbreaking three years had been. Mitch was back in her life, no matter how tentatively. As if he’d ever truly left. Reaching up, she palmed his bristly chin for an instant. ‘You’re right. Not tonight.’

In silence they continued along the footpath, dodging Saturday night revellers outside The Shed, a bar that appeared to be very popular. After half an hour they started back towards the hospital and her car. With growing exasperation Jodi waited for Mitch to ask her something, anything, about Jamie. Surely his head was full of questions? Didn’t he want to know what Jamie’s favourite food was? What toys he loved to play with? Did he take after his father or his mother in temperament?

Mitch would’ve seen from the photo how physically alike he and his son were. That had been hard at times. There had been days she’d looked at Jamie and cried for Mitch. Not only to be with her, supporting her, sharing the agony of watching her boy getting sicker and sicker, but because she’d missed him so much.

There’d been times when she’d seen Mitch in her son’s face and had wanted to charge up to Auckland to tear him apart, to rant and yell at him for being so neglectful of her that she hadn’t been able to tell him about his child.

But now the silence hung between them and she didn’t know how to break it without upsetting him and she’d already done that in bucketloads tonight. But surely he wanted to know about Jamie’s illness and what lay ahead?

They reached the car park and she thought Mitch was going to walk away from her without another word. Anger rolled through her. That wasn’t going to happen. ‘Mitchell, you can’t avoid this one.’

His jaw jutted out, his eyes flashed as angrily as hers must be doing. ‘Where is Jamie? Did you bring him to Auckland with you?’

What? ‘Like I’d leave my seriously ill child behind while I came up here? Who do you think I am? I’m a very responsible mother, and you’d better believe that.’ The words fired out at him and there were plenty more coming, except he put a finger to her lips.

‘Hey, stop it. You wanted questions yet when I ask one you take my head off.’ Those blue eyes were so reasonable it infuriated her.

She took a deep breath, stamped on her temper and tried for calmness. ‘This hasn’t been easy, coming to see you.’

‘I’m sure it hasn’t, but that’s also kind of sad. I’d have thought we were better than that.’ His gaze remained steady. ‘So where is this lad?’

‘With Mum in a motel down the road at Greenlane.’ She named the motel and reluctantly smiled when he whistled.

‘That’s a bit trashy, isn’t it?’

‘Money’s tight. And before you say anything, that’s not a hint. I hope to find a small flat in the next few days. The hospital did offer to put us up in one of those homes they provide for families with sick children but I don’t think I can cope with living with other people, strangers, right now.’

Mitch studied his feet for so long she wondered if he’d fallen asleep standing upright.

‘Mitch?’

He didn’t look up. ‘I’d like to see him.’

Yes. Her hands clenched. Yes, yes. Fantastic. ‘Any time you like. We can go there now. The motel’s only ten minutes away.’

Lifting his head he drilled her with his gaze. ‘Whoa, slow down. Tomorrow will be fine. Let’s leave Jamie to his sleep tonight.’

Mitch was right. But wait until tomorrow and he might change his mind. All those hours to come up with reasons not to see his son. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes.’ Then, ‘What’s your plan for seeing specialists?’

‘We’ve got an appointment with a renal specialist on Monday morning. Lucas Harrington. Know him?’

‘Yes, a little. An American who moved here with his Kiwi wife a year ago. He’s about the best you can get anywhere.’

‘That’s what I’ve been told. I also researched him on the internet and liked what I saw. He’s written some interesting papers.’ But could he save her boy?

‘What time on Monday?’

‘Huh?’

‘Your appointment. I’ll come with you. It might help if he knows I’m in the background.’

Her jaw dropped. She hadn’t seen that coming. Mitch might not be owning up to fatherhood yet but he was supporting her in the one way he’d be utterly confident. ‘Um, great. Yes, that’s wonderful. Thank you. Ten o’clock.’

‘Your enthusiasm’s overwhelming. I thought this was why you knocked on my door,’ he grumbled, then gave her a genuine smile for the first time since she’d walked into his office.

As far as smiles went it wasn’t huge or exciting or welcoming, but it was warm and sincere. And her mouth dried. Her empty stomach sucked in. She’d once fallen in love with that smile.

I can’t afford to do that again.

But it was going to be good seeing Mitch occasionally over the next few months while Jamie hopefully got the treatment he needed.

‘There’s something you should know.’ Mitch’s drawl broke into her thoughts. ‘That party I’m supposed to be at? It’s an early farewell party. My farewell. I leave for Sydney in less than two months’ time, where I’ve accepted a job in the city’s busiest hospital. It’s a very prestigious position.’

She gasped, ‘I don’t believe it. You can’t.’ Shock rippled through her. Gripping her fists under her chin, she stared up at this man who seemed to slip out of tricky situations more easily than a greased eel slid from a man’s hands. ‘Of all the things you could’ve told me, I’d never have picked that one.’

‘Bad timing, isn’t it? Really bad.’

Her mouth fell open and she gaped at him.

He did sound apologetic. That didn’t help one iota.

She almost cried. ‘You have no idea.’ What have I done? Can I undo it? How totally unfair it would be to introduce Jamie to his dad only to have Mitchell disappear on him. No, that could not happen. No way.

Mitch looked directly at her, fixing her with those intense blue eyes. ‘It’s not right for a child to lose parents at an early age. Better not to have known them at all.’

By the time she found her voice and could get a sound out around the rock in her throat Mitch was long gone.

From the corner of the car park Mitch watched Jodi drive away from the hospital, his heart knocking and his head spinning.

Jodi Hawke had come to town, bringing with her problems he’d never expected to have to face.

‘I’m a father.’

Heading for his four-wheel drive in the underground park, he tried to think what this meant to him. Was he thrilled? Excited? Terrified? Angry?

Damn it. He’d go to Samantha’s party, drink a tankful and sink into oblivion. Forget Jodi was here. Forget the bombshell she’d dropped.

And how’s that going to look in front of your staff? Their HOD off his face at the party they’d put on to say farewell to him? A farewell he couldn’t look forward to anymore. Staff who expected better of him.

‘I’m a father.’

Yeah, he got that. Sort of. When would it really kick in? To the point where everything he did or thought had to take into consideration a small person? It might never happen with him. He wasn’t exactly qualified to be a parent.

Turning, he headed back to the road. The Shed Bar would be crowded and heaving but he could get a drink and not be able to hear himself think. Perfect.

Or he could change into his gym gear, which was in the back of his vehicle, and go for a run up at Auckland Domain. Build up a sweat and tire his body so that it would go to sleep when he finally crawled into bed. Pound the paths that circled the museum.

Yeah, and probably break an ankle tripping over a kerb.

Anyway, he liked the bar idea better. Shoving his hands deep into his trouser pockets, he headed for bourbon. On the rocks.




CHAPTER FOUR


‘MUMMY, WHY DO the sheep smell funny?’ Jamie leaned through the fence wire peering at the animals grazing on the lush green grass.

Jodi forced a grin but couldn’t keep the weariness out of it. ‘That’s their woolly coat. It keeps them warm and dry, like your jersey does for you. That’s made out of sheep’s wool too.’

Jamie’s brow furrowed as he looked from his fire-engine-red top to the muddy sheep. ‘Are there red sheep, Mummy?’

‘No, the wool is coloured with red dye, like I did with the icing for your birthday cake. Remember?’ Rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, she stifled another yawn.

What with Mitch’s bombshell about Sydney and all the questions buzzing around her head, she hadn’t slept a wink last night. Worse, with her mother sleeping in the main room and Jamie in the small bedroom, she hadn’t been able to get up and read to distract herself. So Mitch had dominated her mind all night long. Nothing new, really. He’d been dominating it ever since she’d made the decision to move north. Come on, he’d never really left. Mitch had always held a place in her heart. They might be over as far as a loving, sexual relationship went, but she’d never been able to completely let him go. She’d loved him deeply. Missed him more than she’d believed possible.

‘Mummy, that man’s looking at me.’

She knew. Just knew it was Mitchell. Despite everything that had gone down between them last night, she’d known he’d come. Despite him saying a child shouldn’t have to lose a parent, she knew he wouldn’t be able to ignore Jamie for long.

Turning slowly, warily, she studied the man standing twenty metres away, who looked as though he didn’t know what to do next. ‘Hello, Mitch.’ He looked so … bewildered. Which was totally unlike him. What would it be like to hold him again? To feel that chest under her cheek? To have his arms around her? Darn, she’d missed him. Really, deep inside missed him.

‘Hi, Jodi.’ His eyes were glued on Jamie as he slowly closed the gap between them. ‘I called in at the motel and Alison told me I’d find you here.’

Mum had probably told him a whole heap more than that. ‘Cornwall Park’s the perfect place for a small boy who’s bored and feeling chained up in a motel unit the size of a gnat’s house. All this acreage, the sheep, trees—it’s wonderful. I’m going to take him up One Tree Hill shortly.’

Shut up, Jodi. Let Mitch speak. Let him tell you why he’s here. Has he come to meet Jamie? Or to explain more about why he’s soon heading to Sydney? As if she didn’t know the answer to that one. A very prestigious position. One to rub his brother’s face in, she’d bet. The guy couldn’t stay still if there was an outside chance of getting one over Max.




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