Asa
Asa
Jay Crownover
The sixth book in the scorching hot NEW YORK TIMES bestselling MARKED MEN New Adult seriesRoyal Hastings has been a cop, first and foremost, for most of her adult life. So when a call-out goes wrong and her partner ends up in hospital, she finds herself suspended from the job, indefinitely. With too much time on her hands and a heavy load of guilt weighing her down, she seeks solace in oblivion – otherwise known as a golden-eyed bartender with a rap sheet as long as her arm.Asa Cross has spent his live on the wrong side of the law, but a near death experience has left him rebuilding his life and relationships. But being good is tougher than it seems – especially when being bad looks as good as Royal does.On paper, the cop and the con seemed doomed to heartbreak – but when love has stolen your heart, how can you walk away?
JAY CROWNOVER
Published by HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
First published in Great Britain by Harper 2015
Copyright © Jennifer M Voorhees 2015
Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2015
Cover photographs © Andreas Jorns Photography/Haan Germany/Getty Images (woman, hair)
Jennifer M Voorhees asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Source ISBN: 9780007579099
Ebook Edition © April 2015 ISBN: 9780007579105
Version 2015-03-24
Dedicated to everyone living and experiencing this moment right now with me. This is for the readers, the book lovers, the bibliophiles, the word junkies … my peeps that understand nothing is better than a new book and the escape into a new story. I love that we get to share this world together and I am and always will be proud to be one of you.
Happiness, not in another place but this place … not for another hour, but this hour.
—Walt Whitman
You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.
—Henry David Thoreau
The first step toward getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.
—J. P. Morgan
Contents
Cover (#u8402ae5c-2c8c-5297-a7e8-36399961f8d6)
Title Page (#ub12fd177-890d-52db-bcb6-0ecd520c58f5)
Copyright (#u0dccc955-066f-5b2a-a3c4-fa018ad80466)
Dedication (#u4127e396-cbf8-5fc0-bb99-41be6ed39b16)
Epigraph (#u74802edd-affb-5c69-9ce2-9ba488dddd28)
INTRODUCTION (#u1ac5dc34-e758-56c0-90cc-c7735bfa4016)
CHAPTER 1: Asa (#u50d9c997-e3ad-556c-9375-8477f68a69a4)
CHAPTER 2: Royal (#u3b7aefcc-c6c5-5098-bc70-180abec69be2)
CHAPTER 3: Asa (#u50615053-216e-54d8-83d9-32006760beac)
CHAPTER 4: Royal (#u2be325d8-0c5e-5b30-b549-cf7215b991ec)
CHAPTER 5: Asa (#uceb8d731-e1cd-5e4f-a9da-c9cc44dc3ba3)
CHAPTER 6: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 7: Asa (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 8: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 9: Asa (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 10: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 11: Asa (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 12: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 13: Asa (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 14: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 15: Asa (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 16: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 17: Asa (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 18: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 19: Asa (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 20: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
Asa and Royal’s Playlist (#litres_trial_promo)
AUTHOR ACKNOWLEDGMENTS (#litres_trial_promo)
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS (#litres_trial_promo)
READ ON FOR MORE FROM JAY COWNOVER (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 1: Rule (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Author (#litres_trial_promo)
Also by Author (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
INTRODUCTION (#u77665a9c-ed97-5188-89cf-be9ccf3b371b)
We made it! The end. Oh, my word—or many, many words, to be more accurate—I don’t know how, but six books in and we’re finally here. It’s unbelievable and sort of fitting that Asa closes this particular circle. He wasn’t supposed to be part of the group—wasn’t supposed to be family—wasn’t supposed to get a book or an HEA, and yet fate had other plans for him. Sort of like it did for me. He had to fight to get where he belonged, and a couple of times along the way I’ve felt like I had to do that, too. I tell ya what: this southern boy undid me on a lot of levels, and not just because he’s closing the chapter on this series that forever changed my life.
It’s unbelievable to me when I think about the fact that Asa’s book will be number eight in a little over two years, and that’s just insane and superexciting. I never thought I’d have even one book published in my entire life! So the fact that we are all here at the end together is pretty damn amazing.
Initially, I had written a very different intro for this book. It was long and drawn out and outlined all the things I struggled with to get to this place where I am now … the end … and the beginning. It hasn’t always been a smooth journey for me, but I realized somewhere along the way that this wasn’t what I should be focusing on as we close this chapter together.
No, what I needed to focus on was this moment. This exact second, when I am able to say good-bye along with my readers, and when I hopefully entice them with me into starting the new series. I needed to be present in the here and now and not looking over my shoulder at all the would’ves and could’ves and should’ves … that’s something I struggle with on a daily basis. I sometimes forget I’m not the boss of the entire world and letting go of the want and need to control particular outcomes and situations is very hard for me.
But I’m doing it NOW.
Right now, I’m sitting here being overwhelmed with gratitude that I got to give each of these men and women a story. I’m overcome with emotion for the support and love my stories and ideas have found along the way. I am humbled by the amount of people that are willing to take a chance on me time and time again. And mostly I am filled to the brim with so much love for these books and the people that love them as much as I do that I can’t even stand it. Readers bring such joy and excitement into my life, and any struggle, any complaint, any gripe I have pales in comparison to that.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for letting me be here …
As always Love & Ink
Jay
CHAPTER 1 (#u77665a9c-ed97-5188-89cf-be9ccf3b371b)
Asa (#u77665a9c-ed97-5188-89cf-be9ccf3b371b)
Not too long ago when I watched a girl purposely get as drunk as this pretty one did, I would’ve moved in for the kill. I would have taken her home, taken her to bed, and not felt guilty at all about knowing that she was making choices without all her cylinders firing. I used to never let an easy opportunity pass me by, and I never felt bad that my actions weren’t exactly going to win me any awards for morality. I used to like it when things were handed to me with no effort on my part, and I liked it that when I walked away, I could always brush off any kind of responsibility for wrongdoing and put it on someone else. Accountability was a foreign thing, and back in the day I avoided it like I owed it money.
But times had changed and somewhere between dying on a hospital bed and coming back to life and seeing the last chance I had at any kind of normality flicker in and out of my little sister’s eyes, the barest hint of a conscience had woken up inside of me. Now, when I watched this very pretty drunk girl, obviously out of control, obviously looking for trouble, I wanted her to know how heavy an anchor regret could be. I still wanted to take her home and take her to bed, only I understood the connotation was different. Now that sliver of conscience was poking at me to do something I had never done and pretend that I was chivalrous and save her from herself.
No one would ever call me altruistic or considerate, but if I didn’t step in, the beautiful redhead was going to get herself into a whole world of hurt. I knew from firsthand experience that some hurt and some mistakes could weigh you down forever. Carrying the load was exhausting and she deserved better than that, even if at the moment she seemed to have forgotten it.
I wiped my hands on the bar towel that was hanging loosely from my belt in the back and lifted an eyebrow at my cocktail waitress, Dixie, who was watching the same show on the dance floor that I was, with wide eyes. It was a Saturday night, so the bar was pretty full and there was a live band playing on the tiny stage, but pretty much every pair of eyes in the place was trained on the way the redhead was moving across the dance floor. I knew I should have cut her off, she was a lightweight as it was, but her big, chocolate-colored eyes were so sad, so tormented, I had a hard time telling her no. Now that I could actually feel shit like empathy and compassion, I knew that I had overserved her, which led up to the virtual striptease that was now happening in the middle of the dance floor.
“You think all those guys trying to grind on her would flip out if they knew she’s more than likely armed?”
Dixie’s voice was laced with dry humor as she took the Jack and Coke I mixed for her order from me.
“When a girl is clearly intoxicated, looking for a good time, and just happens to look like her, a bullet isn’t very much of a deterrent. I’m gonna go pull her out of there. After you drop that off, will you watch the bar for a second?”
She lifted her own eyebrows back at me with a grin. “Are you sure you want to do that? That’s like a pack of jackals circling a fallen gazelle. It might get ugly if you go and ruin all the fun.”
The band that was the live entertainment for the night switched to a cover of Tom Petty’s “You Got Lucky,” and the girl in the center of the storm suddenly turned and locked her eyes on mine. Somewhere in the middle of all her bumping and grinding, she had lost her shirt, so all she had on was a skintight tank top that wasn’t doing much to cover her up. Her rich auburn hair had fallen out of its ponytail and was sticking to the sweat on her chest and neck, while her eye makeup was smeared under her dark eyes. Her chest was rising and falling from exertion as all her flawless, exposed skin gleamed with a sheen of perspiration. She looked like something out every wet dream any guy had ever had or a real-life Victoria’s Secret model using this no-name bar to strut her stuff instead of a catwalk. She was going to cause a riot, and I think somewhere under all the kamikazes fueling her blood at the moment she knew it. I could see it as she stared defiantly at me across the space that separated us.
“I’m okay with ugly; I’m not okay with her being in the middle of the carnage.” I shouldn’t care. Shouldn’t be concerned. The redhead was more than capable of taking care of herself, and like Dixie had mentioned, she was probably packing, but I couldn’t stop the surge of protectiveness that floated to the surface when a clumsy frat guy put his hands on her tiny waist and drew her back to his chest.
She didn’t struggle at first, her senses and reflexes obviously dampened by the steady stream of alcohol she had been swimming in all night.
Dixie left to deliver the drink and came back around the bar with a sigh. “I can’t wait until Rome hires his friend to hang around and do security stuff on the weekends. I love this place, I love my job, but watching you guys have to tangle with drunken hotheads all the time is getting old.”
I shrugged and moved past her so that I could go put a stop to the impending disaster. The redhead had finally gotten her sluggish wits in gear and was now actively struggling in the frat boy’s hold.
“It’s just part of the job.”
Though I had to admit that when the boss, Rome Archer, mentioned he had an old platoon buddy that was getting ready to come back home and was gonna need something to do until he got his feet under him, I was relieved that my time banging heads together when the crowd got rowdy on the weekends was going to come to an end. I had a criminal record. A long, colorful criminal record, and anytime I put my hands on another human being in any kind of violent way, I automatically saw pages and pages getting tacked onto it. Like so much from my life before I had died on that hospital table, it was something from my past that would always define me and hold me down.
Dixie called to me over the bar as I started to weave my way through the crowd: “You’re too pretty to put that face in front of a flying fist, Asa. Be careful.”
Frat Boy was holding his face while blood rushed out between his fingers as he covered his nose. The redhead was being held by two other guys, one with each wrist locked down as she glared at the group of men surrounding her. She was tall and in ridiculously good shape, but none of these inebriated guys would have any clue as to why. All they saw was a feisty girl that was wasted and had been enticing them all night long, whether it had been intentional or not. And of course, now that she had made one of them bleed, had unmanned him in front of an entire barful of spectators, it was clearly about to get nasty. It was one thing to get your ass handed to you by a girl. It was an entirely different thing to get your ass handed to you by a girl that looked like she should be walking a runway wearing fuck-me stilettos. It also didn’t help save face for the guy that she had on bright yellow pants that hugged her curves just right and breasts that it should be illegal to ever cover up.
In half of a heartbeat she was in the middle of a tug-of-war between the two guys holding her arms and I could see the anger building in the watery eyes of the guy whose nose she had probably broken.
I gave him a warning look. Dixie was right: I was pretty, too pretty to be as ugly as I was on the inside, but to counteract the deceptive beauty of my face, I was also big and had been in trouble since the day I took my first breath. So I generally had a way of letting an opponent know they were going to be on the losing end of a confrontation with me. The bleeder took a step back as I manhandled the guy closest to me off of the redhead’s arm. He grunted and swore at me, mostly because as soon as she was free and had enough leverage, she rammed her knee right into the guy’s unprotected balls, doubling him over.
I shook my head at her as she turned and sloppily swung at the remaining guy clutching her wrist.
“Royal. Knock it off.”
She ignored me as the band picked up a quick tempo cover of Shooter Jennings’s “A Hard Lesson to Learn,” and went into full-on attack mode.
Now, I fully believed there was nothing wrong with a woman defending herself against unwanted advances, and it was obvious she didn’t want this guy’s hands on her anymore. But this particular girl, this surprising young woman that just happened to look like a supermodel, was actually a member of the Denver police force, and I knew she could cause serious damage even in her less than sober state. I couldn’t allow that. Not just because the Bar would be liable, but also because I didn’t want her to do something that could ultimately end up costing her her job.
I reached around Royal and got my hand on the fingers locked on her wrist as she wiggled and swung wildly at her captor. Prying his fingers free was a task made even more difficult by the fact I kept having to duck to avoid an elbow in the face or the back of her fist on the backswing. She was quick and strong, something that the guy holding her finally realized as she landed a solid punch to one of his temples. He suddenly let go and stumbled back as I trapped her flailing arms to her sides and pulled her back to my chest. I bent just a little so I could whisper in her ear, “Calm down, Red.”
We both stared at the guy that had grabbed her, and I tried not to notice the way her really spectacular rack was rising and falling right above the arm I had locked across her rib cage. Even when I tried to help out, all those old instincts burned bright and hot right under the surface. I wanted to touch her in an entirely unhelpful way.
“She assaulted me.” He sounded like a disgruntled toddler that had lost his favorite toy to a bigger kid on the playground.
I nodded and made sure the hills of Kentucky were thick in my voice when I told him, “She sure did. But not until you put your hands on her.” Good-ol’-boy charm worked wonders to calm down a volatile situation. I think it made people think I didn’t have enough smarts to be any kind of real threat despite my size.
The band was still playing but I don’t think anyone was paying attention. Everyone was watching the chaos Royal had created unfold.
“She punched Bobby in the face and all he was trying to do was dance with her. She broke his nose.”
Again I nodded and tried not to think about the way that Royal’s absolutely perfect backside lined up just right with my fly. She turned her head just enough that I could see a hint of awareness and panic working through her dark gaze. Her tongue darted out to slick across her bottom lip and I had to remind myself I wasn’t a guy that took advantage of drunk girls anymore. At least I didn’t want to be that guy, but I never really figured I had much of a choice in the matter.
“Bobby needs to learn to ask if he wants a girl to dance with him. Look, everybody can just go to their separate corners, we can all forget this happened—”
I was cut off as he pointed at me and then narrowed his eyes at Royal. “I’m gonna call the cops.”
I felt Royal start to shake in my grasp. That was exactly the outcome I was trying to avoid. I lifted an eyebrow, shifted my hold on her so that she was behind me, and crossed my arms over my chest. I figured I looked a lot more intimidating not covered by a too-sexy-for-her-own-good redhead.
“You can do that, but it’s gonna shut the party down. The band is gonna have to stop, all these other folks in here are going to have to stop drinking, and it’s gonna make them mad since they had to pay a cover to get in and hear the music. Plus I’m gonna have to call the bar owner and let him know what’s going down, and that’s like waking Godzilla up from a nap.” I rubbed my thumb along the side of my mouth and gave him my best “country boy” smile. It had disarmed more than one person who was out for blood, usually mine, but I didn’t mind using it to prevent any of Royal’s from spilling. “Plus, between you and me, she has friends on the force.”
The other guy was trying to vet if I was serious or not, so I inclined my chin. “Her best friend is a cop. If you call the DPD, chances are they’re going to send him in since he knows this is where she likes to hang out, and then she’s going to tell him you and your buddies put your hands all over her without her permission and the cameras will back that up.” I pointed to one of the surveillance cameras Rome had installed all over the place. “You think that’s going to end well for you?”
He looked like he was considering how to answer when the lead singer of the band suddenly called out over the mic so that the entire bar had no choice but to listen: “You guys suck. Take your bleeding friend out of here and let everyone go back to having a good time.”
That rallied the rest of the bar-goers and suddenly a chant of “You suck!” went up and the grabby-hands bunch really had no choice but to leave. There was no way left for them to save face and they didn’t want to risk the chance that Royal did in fact know a cop.
They slunk toward the front door as I hauled Royal toward the bar and plopped her fine ass in a seat right in the middle, where I could keep an eye on her. I caged her in between my arms and leaned in close so that our noses were almost touching.
Through clenched teeth I told her, “Sit. Now I can either call Saint to come get you, or you can sit here, drink water, and eat something greasy and terrible until you sober up enough to get yourself home. Those are your only two options, Red.”
She blinked criminally long lashes at me and I could swear she looked like she was going to cry. I saw her gulp and she gave her head a little nod of agreement.
When she spoke it was only a hint of sound. “Don’t call Saint. I’ll wait it out.”
Saint was her closest girl friend, and also my friend Nash’s lady. She was a sweet and shy young woman that somehow managed to balance out all of Royal Hastings’s bold and brash attitude. They were an odd pair, but I knew Saint would drop whatever she was doing in a heartbeat to make sure Royal was taken care of. I didn’t blame Royal for not wanting her friend to have to come collect her in her current state. She was a mess. She was still beautiful, kind of wild and untamed looking, but under it all she was a disaster, courting trouble as well as danger and other bad things, which is what she had been actively doing for the last two weeks. This wasn’t the first disaster I had been forced to avert because of her antics, and the time had come to tell her it had to stop.
I pushed off the bar, walked around the open end, and glowered at Dixie as she smacked my ass on her way back to the floor.
“My hero.”
I grunted at her in response. I was not hero material. I fell more along the lines of arch-nemesis or supervillain. I poured Royal a glass of water in one of the giant beer steins I had behind the bar and thumped it down in front of her without a word. She jumped a little and I could see the regret and remorse starting to work its way into her face. A pink flush was blooming over the exposed crests of her cleavage and filling her cheeks.
I made my way across the entire length of the bar, stopping to refill a couple of drinks, closing a tab, clearing some empty plates until I got to the kitchen entrance that took up the entire back part of the bar. We typically only served food until midnight, but I knew Avett Walker, the new girl Rome had agreed to hire to work in the kitchen as a favor to an old friend, was still lurking somewhere around. I hadn’t seen her hot-pink hair dart out of the front door as soon as her shift ended like it normally did.
She was a mouthy little thing that had nothing but poison and attitude running in her veins as far as I could tell. She clearly didn’t want to be working here. Her mom, Darcy, was the kitchen manager and her father was the guy that had sold Rome the bar originally, but Avett didn’t seem to have any kind of fondness for the place. In fact she didn’t seem to have any kind of fondness for anything at all. She acted like coming to work each day was a prison sentence, which by default made me her jailer since I was her boss. We didn’t exactly get along. I think I saw too much of my old careless and thoughtless ways reflected back at me when I interacted with her.
I called Avett’s name, and when I didn’t get an answer I prowled through the empty kitchen until I got to the massive walk-in fridge. I didn’t have time to screw around, so I found some cheese, some bread, and some random pieces of fruit and figured that would have to do. I needed to shove something into Royal that would soak the booze up so I could tell her to get her head out of her ass and have the command stick.
I was kicking the door closed with the heel of my boot since my hands were full when the door to the beer cooler suddenly popped open and Avett came strolling out, fiddling with the zipper on her obviously stuffed-full messenger bag. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me, her eyes widening and then narrowing in defiance.
“What are you doing back here? The kitchen is closed.” Like she had any right to question where I went in this place. It was a diversionary tactic I knew all too well.
I just stared at her and didn’t say anything. I looked pointedly at her bag and then back up to her chilly hazel gaze.
“What’s in the bag?”
She shifted her weight, and there was no mistaking the sound of bottles clanking together. She was trying to smuggle beer out of the cooler. It figured. My night needed one more complicated female I had to straighten out to make it more of a headache.
“Nothing.” She went to move past me and the sound of bottles clanging together got even louder.
My hands were full, so I just moved my entire body into her path to stop her. Avett took after Darcy way more than Brite, her dad. Brite was a giant of a man with a beard that I was sure had folk songs written in its honor. Avett was petite and barely came up to the center of my chest, and she had to tilt her head back in order to keep glaring up at me. What she lacked in height, she sure as hell made up for in bad attitude.
“Put it back. Don’t do it again and this is the last you’ll hear about it.” When I was irritated, the South tended to be heavy and thick in my voice, and not in the same way it was when I used my drawl to get something I wanted or to make someone think I was nicer and stupider than I really was.
“Get out of my way, Asa.”
“No. You don’t get to steal from Rome. I don’t care what your beef with Brite is and I don’t care that you obviously would rather be out wrestling wild mountain lions than working here. I’m not letting you take advantage of Rome. He’s a good guy and he deserves better than that.”
We had a glare-off and for a second I thought she was going to try and step around me knowing my hands were occupied, but I think there was some kind of invisible thread, some kind of aura that we shared that made her instinctively know that she could get away, but not for very long.
She huffed out a breath that sent her pink bangs dancing across her forehead. She would be a really cute girl if she wasn’t such a pain in the ass and practically a decade younger than me. She was just a kid really and she sure as shit acted like it.
“I’m going to a party and I don’t have any money for beer. I didn’t think it would be a big deal to take a twelve-pack from the cooler. After all, my dad practically handed this bar over to the soldier for free. A few beers seems like a fair trade.”
I rolled my eyes. “It wouldn’t be a big deal. You know that Rome wouldn’t care if you asked him. But walking around like you’re owed something for some unknown reason isn’t all right with me, and I’m not going to let you do it.” I furrowed my eyebrows at her and shifted my weight. “How can you be broke? You just got paid on Friday.” Since she worked in the kitchen, I knew Rome paid her an hourly wage. It wasn’t enough to retire on but it was enough that it shouldn’t be gone in less than twenty-four hours unless she was up to no good.
Instead of answering me, she whirled around and went to put the beers back in the cooler. I waited until she came back out, and made her lead the way out of the kitchen back to the bar. I had been gone long enough that the band was done with their set and that meant a crowd had gathered and Dixie was standing behind the bar trying to catch orders up. I nudged Avett with my elbow and deposited my haul into her hands. I pointed to Royal, who was sitting stoic in the middle of the rush, her head bent down and her gaze locked on the bar top.
“Feed the redhead. Make sure she eats it, and if I ever catch you trying to steal again you’re out of here. I don’t care what I promised Brite or how much it would break Darcy’s heart.”
She gave me a baleful look and muttered just loud enough that I could hear it, “Funny coming from you.”
She wasn’t wrong. It was ridiculous coming from me, so I ignored her and dove into the mess of trying to sort the rush out. It was only half an hour until last call, so it proved to be a little trickier than usual. The weekends at the Bar were getting busy enough since Rome’s remodel that I thought maybe I was going to have to ask him about hiring another server as well as a bouncer. Business was good, and in order to keep it that way we needed to make sure the crowds got service just as good as the battered old veterans that littered the place during the daytime hours.
I tried to keep an eye on Royal. I was worried she was going to try and leave before I could talk to her and before I could judge if she was sober enough to drive, but she was in the same spot, head bent down, eyes focused on the bar, and her water was gone. She had also put a good-sized dent in the food in front of her, so that made me breathe a little easier. She was abnormally quiet and I wished I had thought to grab her shirt for her when I pulled her out of the crowd earlier. She looked rumpled, like she had just climbed out of bed, and that wasn’t doing a thing to help me remember why I needed to get her out of the tailspin she had been in ever since the week before Christmas.
I got last call done. I paid the band and thanked the lead singer for helping me out with the frat kids, and he in turn asked me if I thought Royal would be interested in going on the road with them as a backup dancer. I had to laugh and broke the news to him that she already had a full-time job. I didn’t bother explaining what it was because I doubted he would believe me anyway. I helped Dixie clear the floor, and when we started to move people toward the front doors, I stopped next to Royal’s side and told her, “Hang out for a minute.”
She didn’t respond but she pushed some of her hair out her face, tucked it behind her ear, and looked at me out of the corner of her eye.
I took that as silent assent and helped Dixie get everyone outside and gave her a hand putting all the chairs up so that the cleaning crew Rome hired could spit-shine the place before we opened again tomorrow. Dixie and I had a system since we did this together six nights a week, so it was work that went by pretty quickly. When I was done I went behind the bar, poured myself a Dalwhinnie on the rocks, and took myself and my drink back around the other side of the bar so I could sit on a stool next to Royal. Everyone teased me that I should drink bourbon or whiskey, being as I was from Kentucky, but I preferred the smooth and dirty taste of scotch. It sort of fit since I was both those things myself.
I took a swig of the drink and set it down with a thunk on the bar. I ran my hand through my dirty-blond hair and looked at Royal out of the corner of my eye.
“So this is what you do now? Get drunk, rile up the natives, take half your clothes off in public, and just generally act the fool? ’Cause I gotta tell you, after two weekends in a row of it, I think it’s probably time you find another bar to haunt.”
I saw her shoulders slump and she matched my side-eye look.
“Why didn’t you tell those guys I was a cop?”
I sighed and turned to face her. I really wished she wasn’t such a looker. It made trying to be level-headed and rational around her that much harder.
“Because even though you can carry concealed legally because of your badge, you still can’t be drinking while carrying a loaded weapon. That’s illegal and a headache you really don’t need.”
“All of a sudden you’re concerned with others being law-abiding.” A little bit of her sass was coming back and that was a nice change from her maudlin moping that had settled around her since I pulled her off the dance floor.
“No. I don’t give a flying fuck about others being law-abiding, but you’ve got a job you like, friends that care about you, and you’re way too young to be flushing it all down the toilet. Even if that seems to be your new mission in life. You need to get your shit together, Royal, before you’re too far gone to fix the mess you seem so eager to make.” She was barely twenty-three. That seemed a lifetime younger than me, even though I had a couple more years ahead of me before I hit the big three-oh.
“That’s funny coming from you.”
Second time I had heard that in less than an hour. Maybe I just needed to keep my nose out of it and let everyone learn their own hard lessons just like I had been forced to do. I picked up my drink and took another slug.
“Get it together or don’t, but this is the final warning about bringing that nonsense into my bar. You want to go down in flames, I guess that’s your call, but I’m not going to watch you burn.”
Something flashed across her eyes, something so sad and lost it really made me want to reach out and comfort her, but touching Royal was like touching a live wire and I already had a hard enough time keeping my mind out of my pants and my hands to myself when I was around her. She blinked those long-ass lashes at me, stuck her tongue out to flick it across her bottom lip, and I forgot how to breathe for a second. She did it on purpose. I had no doubt.
“One of these days you’ll come home with me when I ask, Asa.” She leaned over on the bar stool a little and put her hand on my thigh. My fingers tightened around the tumbler in my hand so hard I was shocked the glass didn’t break.
“Is that why you’re here? Is that what the show is all about? You really want to make that kind of mistake?” My drawl was thick enough that the words were languid and heavy sounding. I felt blood start to race under my skin and I had no doubt that my eyes were probably glowing bright gold in my face. It wasn’t often someone made me uneasy, threw me off my game, but Royal had done it more than once in our short acquaintance.
She pressed her weight forward and stopped when her mouth was just a fraction away from mine. I could almost taste her. In fact, if I stuck out just the tip of my tongue, I would be tasting her. I clenched my teeth to stop that from happening, even though I was pretty sure she would taste like candy and fire.
“It seems like all I make anymore are mistakes. At least making that kind of one with you would be fun.”
She used her leverage on my leg to push herself upright as she slithered off the bar stool in one seamlessly sexy move. It made me bite back a groan.
“If you don’t want me here, I won’t come back.” She tossed her heavy hair over her shoulder and gave me a steady look out of her dark brown eyes. “I really thought you would make this easier.”
I didn’t say anything as she walked away, steady on those killer shoes and missing her shirt even though it was winter in Colorado. She was obviously sober enough to drive, but I had no idea where her head was at otherwise.
Dixie locked the door behind the redhead and wandered over to the bar. She grabbed herself a bottle of Bud Light, which of course was sacrilegious in this Coors Light–dominated bar, and refilled my scotch.
“I don’t know how you’ve managed to turn her down more than once.” She shook her own strawberry-blond curls and grinned at me. “I’m not even into chicks and I think I would do her if she asked. She’s pretty amazing.”
I muttered a few swearwords under my breath and tossed the second round back in one swallow. It burned a little and I had to blink.
“She’s a cop, a cop that has arrested me. I have better self-preservation instincts than that.” In my experience, cops were not my biggest fans, and I really couldn’t blame them. I set the empty glass down on the bar and climbed to my feet. It was late and I needed a hundred cold showers. “Besides, she doesn’t actually wanna fuck, she just thinks she does.”
Dixie snorted. “That’s not what it looks like to me.”
It might look pretty cut-and-dried from the outside. Royal was pretty, I was pretty, and we definitely had a spark, but I hadn’t lasted as long as I had screwing over everyone whose path I crossed without learning how to look deeper, how to see the danger looming, and it was obvious to me that Royal was dangerous in more ways than one.
“That’s a very pretty girl with a very ugly hurt, and somehow she got it in her head that she deserves to be punished, to hurt even more.”
“So she’s trying to drag you to bed to punish her? That sounds kinky and fun.”
I tossed my bar towel at her and pushed up from the bar so I could do the nightly cash-out and go home. Now the idea of Royal in her handcuffs and nothing else was going to be running around in my head for the rest of the night. Like she needed any help being unforgettable.
“She feels bad and she’s doing everything in her power to make herself feel worse.” I didn’t know all the details of what had started Royal’s recent decline, but I did know her partner on the force, who really was her best friend and had been for most of her life, had been injured pretty badly in the line of duty and that Royal was currently on administrative leave while the department investigated the circumstances that had led to two cops being shot. One of the officers hadn’t made it and the other was still in the hospital. The other being Dominic, Royal’s partner. “I’m not looking to be any part of that.”
I had used enough people in my life, even those that loved me unconditionally, to know what being a means to an end for someone else looked like. I wasn’t going to help Royal self-destruct.
Dixie gave me a soft little grin that reminded me that even though she was tough as nails when she needed to be, she was really a romantic sweetheart at her center.
“Maybe you should give it a shot and you could make her feel better, and maybe she could make you finally see that you have changed over the last year or so.”
I just gave my head a shake and told her flatly, “That’s not what I do.” Nope; I destroyed things not repaired them.
I never lied about the man I had been for most of my life or the things I had done. There were so many kinds of really ugly, twisted, and dark things I was capable of and yet everyone that knew me now seemed to be under the impression that I had undergone some kind of transformation after coming out of the coma I had been in after I died and came back. The truth of the matter was I was never going to be a good guy. I was never going to be the type of man that made things better. Regardless of what anyone wanted to believe or how desperately it seemed Royal needed someone to wade in and pull her out of the mire, I wasn’t made to be a hero or a savior. I was already so far under the thumb of the specters of my past mistakes there was no way I could pull anyone else to safety.
The old saying was true, a leopard never changed its spots; and just like the lurking jungle cat, I was a predator through and through even if others wanted to think I had somehow become a house cat.
CHAPTER 2 (#u77665a9c-ed97-5188-89cf-be9ccf3b371b)
Royal (#u77665a9c-ed97-5188-89cf-be9ccf3b371b)
When my phone, which I had left lying right next to my head the night before, went off the next afternoon shrieking Britney Spears’s “Toxic,” I almost rolled out of bed onto the floor in my haste to turn it off. I felt terrible. Partly because I was hardly sleeping anymore, so slipping into a restless catnap in the middle of the day was all that was sustaining me, but mostly because the number on the phone was the one I had been waiting for week after agonizing week to show up.
I silenced the bubblegum-pop song with a swipe of my finger across the screen and tried to sound more alert than I actually was when I gasped out a shaky greeting. I didn’t care what anyone thought of my awful taste in music. I slummed in the gutter all day long. I tangled with junkies, and wife beaters, and parents that neglected their kids every single day. I refused to listen to anything that wasn’t upbeat and full of infectious pop. My job wasn’t always fun, so I tried really hard to make sure the rest of the things in my life were.
“You do know I’m busting out of here today, right?”
I shoved a tangled hank of dark red hair out of my face and scrambled up to the edge of my bed. I chomped down on my bottom lip and tried to regulate my breathing. Of course I knew he was getting out of the hospital today. What I hadn’t known was if he was going to want me anywhere around him when he finally got the green light to go home. I squeezed my eyes shut and was so grateful that we weren’t face-to-face. Dominic Voss knew me better than any living soul on this planet, and if we were in the same room he would be able to feel the guilt and self-loathing I had been drowning in lately. Hell, if my current state of distress was apparent to someone as disconnected as Asa Cross, there was no way my best friend and partner could miss it. Dom being Dom, he would know it all came from what had happened to him on that callout from hell.
“I know. I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to come or not. I know your sisters are coming to stay with you until you get back on your feet and I didn’t want to get in the way.”
I sounded pathetic and ridiculous to my own ears.
Dom and I had been inseparable since we were five years old. There had never been a time when he didn’t want me around. There had never been a single moment in our friendship where I was ever in his way, and his entire family thought of me as one of their own. I think that made what had happened weigh even more heavily on my shoulders.
I heard Dom sigh and then he swore. His deep voice sounded strained as he gently scolded me. “Get your cute ass here, Royal. I’ve let you sulk for two goddamn weeks. Get over it. Shit happens and it’s gonna keep happening because that’s what being a cop is about. I’m in a fucking cast from my ankle to my junk. I have a broken shoulder and I can’t breathe without it feeling like I’m drinking acid. I look and feel like hammered dog shit, and my best friend hasn’t been around for any of it. Can you maybe knock it off now?” I couldn’t stop the tears that were starting to leak out of my eyes. I used a knuckle to swipe at them as I climbed to my feet. His next words stabbed through me like I was sure he intended for them to do. “I need you here, girly.”
We had always needed each other, both in our day-to-day lives and on the job. That was why I felt so bad. It was why I couldn’t get my head around how badly I had let him down. I was supposed to have his back like he had always had mine, and instead I had almost gotten him killed.
“I’m on my way.”
I hung up the phone after he barked at me that it was about time, and rushed around my apartment trying to make myself look presentable. After a hard night of drinking I never exactly looked great, but throw in a sleepless night and yet another rejection from an outrageously sexy, southern bartender and I probably could match Dom in the looking-like-crap department. I had dark shadows under each eye, I was way paler than normal, fine red veins threaded through the white in each eye, and I had really ugly bruises surrounding each of my wrists, which made shame and regret battle the guilt for the top spot in the flood of emotions I was choking on.
I knew better, I really did. I wasn’t the type to go out and lose control. I rarely drank, and when I did I always acted responsibly because I had a big picture to think about. Only lately that big picture had narrowed to tunnel vision and all I could see was Dom getting hit by bullet after bullet and falling over the edge of the fire escape on the side of the building. When I wasn’t seeing that, I was seeing the wife of the officer that hadn’t survived the shootout collapsing in the hall of the ER as another officer told her that her husband hadn’t made it. If that wasn’t enough to eat at my soul, the memory of my lieutenant telling me I had to turn in my gun and badge and go on administrative leave while the department conducted an investigation danced around in my head every second of every day.
In order to shake some of those awful thoughts loose, I was determined to do things I never did, things that made me feel free, so that’s why I was hanging out at the Bar. That’s why I was drinking like a fish, and really that was why I was unabashedly throwing myself at Asa Cross. I had never had to chase a guy. I had never been interested in the kind of guy that oozed charm and trouble the way Asa did. And I most definitely had never been one to mix business and pleasure. I knew Asa was bad news, barely tiptoeing on the right side of the law, and it was a firm rule that I never got involved with anyone that had been in the back of a police cruiser. Well, Asa had not only been in the back of my cruiser, but he had also been in and out of jail since before he was old enough to drive. The guy liked to make up his own rules and he didn’t have a very pretty past. Cops shouldn’t be romantically interested in criminals, even reformed criminals. But I was. In fact I was more than interested, but every time I made a move on him and he turned me down, it made me wonder if he could see the failure that was haunting me. I wondered if that was why he kept saying no.
I mean, I knew what I looked like. I knew that when we stared at each other there was interest and attraction glinting dark in his bronze eyes, and I knew he was the kind of guy that liked a sure thing. I was a sure thing. I needed something that felt good. I was searching desperately for something that would help me forget, even if it was for only a second, and I wasn’t afraid to admit that I wanted him. I made it so easy for him to say yes and yet he kept turning the other way. I didn’t understand it, so it only made me feel even more lost and adrift than I already did.
If he really wanted me to find another bar, I would. I only went to the dive he worked at because I wanted him to take me home. I wanted him to pull me across the bar and kiss away all the hurt and ugliness that was filling me up. I knew I was going about it the wrong way, knew that a guy like Asa had no use for someone that enforced the law and tried to keep the peace. Plus it was a long shot considering I had been forced by circumstance to arrest him for assault not too long ago. Asa might think I was pretty, and he might be trying to save me from myself since we had mutual friends, but I seriously doubted he was ever going to be able to look at me the same way I looked at him after I had snapped cuffs around his wrists and dragged him to the police station.
I pulled my hair into a messy ponytail, shoved my feet into a pair of battered motorcycle boots, and hit the front door. I was about to slam it closed behind me when I remembered to grab my keys. I was forever locking myself out of places—my car, my apartment, and even my patrol car on several occasions. It was a bad habit that was a pain in the ass for more than just me, but I couldn’t seem to shake it even after a mishap had almost led to the breakup of my neighbor and his lovely girlfriend.
I dashed back inside, frazzled and frustrated. I scooped the keys up off the spot they lived in by the door and rushed back out. This time the hallway wasn’t empty, and the neighbor’s girlfriend, who also happened to be my one and only female friend on the planet, was exiting their apartment across the hall. Saint was a sweetheart. Soft-spoken and serene, she just had something about her that had instantly called out to me. It was like the chaotic pace and often dangerous parts of my day-to-day died down and mellowed out when I was around her. I had forced her to be my friend even though she had fought me and the friendship at first. Now she was almost as close to me as Dom was, and just as concerned about my recent behavior.
She was dressed in scrubs under her heavy winter coat, so obviously she was on her way to work at the hospital where she was an ER nurse. Her coppery hair, which was several shades more orange in color than mine, was piled on her head in a messy bun and her face was scrubbed clean. Saint was a doll and could work the whole fresh-faced-girl-next-door thing. Unfortunately I wasn’t lucky enough to be able to rock the less-is-more look successfully, so the darkness under my eyes told the entire story of my wild night without me uttering a single word.
“Dom’s getting out of the hospital today,” I told her in a rush.
She blinked her soft gray eyes at me and the corner of her mouth tilted in a half smile.
“I know. I’ve been checking up on him.”
I sighed. Of course she had, because she was an awesome friend.
“Thank you.”
She nodded slightly and we silently headed for the front door of the converted Victorian we lived in.
“He asked about you every time I stopped by his room.”
I gulped a little. Not because she was passing judgment or being mean, but because we both knew I should have been by the hospital to see him. I squeezed my keys in my hand so hard the metal dug into my skin deep enough that it hurt.
“I just couldn’t. I stayed until they came out and told us that he was stable after surgery, but it was too much.” I shook my head and shivered as the frigid Denver air snaked down the collar of the hoodie I had thrown on. The reason Dom was in the hospital for so long wasn’t the shattered ankle and broken femur but because one of the bullets that had hit him had sliced clean through one of his kidneys. He had almost bled to death before making it to the hospital. “His mom was there watching me without saying a word. I could see her wondering how I had let Dom get hurt. I could see his sisters thinking, ‘Why Dom and not her?’ I knew I was going to have a breakdown and I didn’t want to do it where anyone could see.”
She reached out and squeezed my elbow. “No one blames you for anything, Royal. That is not what Dominic’s family was thinking and you know it.”
Dammit. When had she started to see me so clearly? This is why having friends was hard for me.
“I blame me, Saint.”
She sighed and let go of my arm. “That’s what I figured, but eventually you’ll have to get over that. How’s the investigation going?”
That was a topic I wanted to talk about almost as little as I wanted to talk about how Dom had ended up in his current, broken state.
“It’s going. Internal investigations are always complicated when there’s an officer death involved.” And it was complicated because I was actively avoiding all the things I was supposed to be doing to help myself out. There had been other officers on the scene. There were witnesses from the neighborhood. Dom had given his statement and so had the partner of the officer that hadn’t made it. All the stories matched and laid out the facts that I had done nothing wrong, that there was no fault on my part, and that the kid I had been forced to shoot was going to keep pulling the trigger until everyone in a uniform was out of his way, but I didn’t feel cleared. I felt dirty and unqualified. Not because I had pulled the trigger, but because I had pulled it too late.
“I’m sure everything will work out for you in the end. Is the department making you talk to someone? That’s a pretty intense situation to work through on your own.”
Saint was big on processing feelings. I think that’s why she was so good in the crisis situations she handled every day. She powered through all the tragedy and stress while she was at work, compartmentalized it all, then came home and let it all out so it never had the chance to fill her up and take her over. I wasn’t that great at letting it all go. In fact, as of late, I was holding on to everything that affected me on the streets in a death grip. I guess I thought if I held on to it, no one else would have to deal with the yuck of it all.
“I’m supposed to go tomorrow.” Supposed to being the key. If I could find any excuse to skip hearing a shrink tell me I was just suffering from survivor’s guilt, I was going to latch on to it. I had screwed up. I knew it and I didn’t need anyone to lead me to that conclusion, but if I wanted back on the job I was going to have to bite the bullet and force myself to go lie on some stiff leather couch and get my head shrunk.
Saint stopped when we got to my 4Runner and tilted her head as she regarded me solemnly. I stared back at her because I valued her and the honest friendship she offered too much to just dismiss her concern.
“Go. Listen to what the psychologist has to say. You don’t have to go through whatever this is alone, Royal.”
She reached out and gave me a one-armed hug, which I returned stiffly. Whatever this was, it was clearly not only affecting me at this point.
When we pulled apart I gave her a lopsided grin and told her, “I tried to get Asa to go home with me again last night.”
She lifted one of her rust-colored eyebrows at me. “Again?”
I wrinkled up my nose and pulled open the door to my old SUV. “He keeps telling me he’s not interested. Maybe he just doesn’t like me.”
She gave a delicate snort and moved to zip up her coat as the wind picked up and turned the winter air into something hovering on the edge of unbearable.
“Of course he likes you. Maybe he can just tell that you don’t like you very much right now.”
I scowled at her but didn’t argue. I didn’t like myself so much at the moment. I lifted up the sleeve of the hoodie on one arm and showed her my wrist, which made her gasp in shock. “I had too much to drink and got myself into something I shouldn’t have. Asa pulled me out of it and then took care of me until I was sober enough to get myself home.”
“Nash says even with all the stuff from his past, Asa really is a pretty decent guy.” Saint sounded unsure of the truth in that though.
I just shrugged and turned on the car. It was freezing and the motor took forever to heat up enough to do any good.
“Decent is boring if it means I can’t even get to first base with him.” I sounded petulant and frustrated, which made her shake her head at me.
“I think you’re looking for trouble on purpose.”
Her warning fell on deaf ears. I was looking for trouble, but trouble wouldn’t look back, so it was a moot point anyway.
“I’m looking for something, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”
“No, there’s not, but when you have your shield back and you’re in uniform again the game changes, Royal. You might want to consider that.”
I didn’t want to think that far ahead. I didn’t want to think about any of it at all. I grumbled under my breath as Saint took a step back so I could close the door.
“I’ll call you Monday after I talk to the shrink, if I do, and I’ll tell Dom you said hello.”
“Dominic loves you no matter what, you know.”
I nodded, and for the second time that afternoon I felt tears well up in my eyes. “That’s what makes all of this so much worse. I’ll talk to you later.”
She gave a little wave and headed over to her own little Jetta that would heat up and defrost a million times faster than my old tank. I could afford something newer and sleeker but the 4Runner had been with me since I was a teenager and there were so many good memories tied to it I couldn’t stomach the idea of letting it go.
Dom did love me and I loved him. He was everything to me. He was my guiding light, my voice of reason, Dom was without a doubt my hero, and more than that he was the one that always was there to remind me that I had a purpose beyond being a pretty face. If it hadn’t been for Dom, there was a good chance I would have bought into my own hype early on when it became clear that the genetic gods had been giving with both hands when it came to my physical attributes. Dom was always the one that reminded me I was worth so much more than being a piece of arm candy or mindless fluff. I was smart, I was capable, and I wanted to make a difference. If I hadn’t had Dom to believe in me, to push me, I never would have reached the goals I set for myself. If it wasn’t for Dom reminding me of my worth, there was a good chance I could have ended up just like my mother.
The very thought made me shiver.
I loved my mom, I really did, but I had zero patience for her deplorable choices and the way she burned through men like it was a competitive sport. My mom had always been more like a best friend than a parent. She loved me unconditionally, I was her whole world, but I wasn’t enough to fill up the hole that was left when my father didn’t leave his wife to be a family with us. My mom never got over the rejection, and as a result was constantly chasing down true love and looking for validation from men in all the wrong places.
My mother was a stunner, so I came by my good looks naturally. She was also an habitual adulterer and had been through so many marriages and relationships that I stopped counting before I got out of my teens. When I was younger I thought it was embarrassing and it made me uncomfortable. As I got older I realized she simply wasn’t happy, had never been happy, and as much as she loved me and doted on me, I was never going to be enough to fill the void she had in her heart. I learned to accept the relationship we had, not ask questions, and just tried to support her like she had always supported me. Even if the majority of her decisions when it came to the opposite sex made me squirm in my seat, I loved the mom I had, every flighty, flirty inch of her.
It was because of Dom and not my mother that I excelled. I strove for greatness and I had reached every goal I had ever set for myself. And now, because of me, he was laid up, full of holes and broken. It was absolutely unfair to him and I had no clue how I was supposed to ever make it up to him.
The hospital parking lot felt like it was a million miles wide as I trudged across it in the cold. By the time I hit the sliding doors my fingers were numb and my uncovered ears were burning from the wind. I felt like an idiot because I didn’t even know what floor Dom was on or what room he was in. Some best friend I turned out to be. Shame settled heavy and thick on my shoulders and I really had to fight the urge to turn around and go back home and bury my head under the covers.
The person at the reception desk found Dom’s information for me and I took the elevator up to the correct floor. I didn’t have to worry about finding his room because both of his sisters were lingering in the hallway as if they were waiting specifically for me.
All the Vosses had beautiful dark hair and eyes in various shades of green. Ariella was the youngest of the three siblings and she was a firecracker. Greer, the oldest and the most reserved of the group, snatched me up in a hug that shocked me into stillness as soon as I reached them.
“We’ve been so worried about you. You haven’t called or shown your face. No one knew what happened to you or how you were handling the investigation. I thought Ari was going to have to sit on Dom to keep him in that hospital bed after the first week when you were a no-show.”
I groaned and hugged her back. I couldn’t believe how selfish and thoughtless I was behaving.
“I just …” I trailed off as Ari rolled her eyes at me.
“You were being an asshole.”
Greer snapped her sister’s name, but I squeezed her hand and nodded at Ari. “I was. I’ve never let Dom down before and I was having a hard time with it.” Was implied I had moved past it, but they didn’t need to know that was a big fat lie.
Ari gave me a hard look but inclined her head toward the open door a few steps down the hallway. “He’s been waiting to see you for forever. We’re going run to his apartment and make sure it’s all ready for him. He’s gonna be wheelchair-bound for the next three or four weeks. Greer and I are going to alternate weeks with him until he’s okay to be on his own.”
I blinked dumbly. Dom was a big hunk of beefcake. He was tall and powerful, in amazing shape, and had always been the most capable man I had ever known. The idea of him in a wheelchair and needing help with day-to-day living made the cement block that lived in my guts now get five times heavier.
“I can help. Just let me know what you need.” I sounded kind of strangled and strained to my own ears.
“You’ll be back to work soon. Ari and I got it. Besides it’s payback for all the times he took care of us growing up.”
Dom’s dad had been on the job when they were growing up. He was a patrol cop until a confrontation with an armed robber had gone awry and the Vosses had suddenly found themselves burying the patriarch of the family well before his time. Dom had instantly stepped in to fill his old man’s shoes like any good son was bound to do. The fact that he had taken it as far as going into law enforcement just like his dad was still a sore spot for his mom.
I cleared my throat and fought the urge to fiddle with my hair nervously. “Dom has always taken care of me, too.”
Greer sighed, grabbed my shoulders, and turned me so I was facing the room.
“Right, he has, and we both know what he wants is for you to go back to work. He’s not going to be able to for Lord knows how long, so he’s going to have to live vicariously through you for a while, Royal. What he’s always wanted for you is for you to live up to your full potential. Don’t let this knock you down after how hard you’ve worked to build yourself up.”
If only it was that easy. I inhaled deeply and took the step I had been avoiding for two weeks.
He was propped up in the bed, dark hair mussed all over his head. His green eyes were locked on the doorway, obviously watching for me. His big body was all wrapped up in plaster and bandages. His handsome face was dark with irritation and a scruff of beard that was pretty impressive. He looked terrible and wonderful all at the same time. I was so lucky that he was still alive and I wasn’t the one having to tell his family that they had lost another person they loved to the job.
I couldn’t help it, the waterworks started up. I really wasn’t much of a crier, but something inside of me was wrong, off, or not working right. The tears leaked out and Dom reached out his uninjured arm slowly, the small movement obviously hurting him.
I bolted to the side of the bed and let him tug me softly to his side. I felt his lips touch the top of my head and his broad chest rumbled as he told me, “’Bout damn time.”
All I could do was whisper back, “I know.”
I should have been here all along, or even more accurately, I should have been the one lying in this hospital bed all along. How was Dom ever going to forgive me if I knew there was never going to be a time when I could forgive myself?
CHAPTER 3 (#u77665a9c-ed97-5188-89cf-be9ccf3b371b)
Asa (#u77665a9c-ed97-5188-89cf-be9ccf3b371b)
The following weekend came and went without any kind of incident. I wasn’t sure if that was because Royal had taken my warning to heart and stayed home, or because Rome’s friend Dashel—Dash—Churchill was officially on the payroll. There was no way anyone would be stupid enough to tangle with the massive wall of muscle that hardly spoke but glowered like a pro. The guy’s scowl was enough to shut down even the slightest bit of misbehavior, and while the break in having to be the bad guy was nice, I was worried the guy’s dark and brooding demeanor could scare off potential customers.
Rome was fairly hulking, and on the quiet side as well, but there was something about this other ex-soldier that indicated, loud and clear, that at some point in time not too long ago, the man had been a stone-cold killer and was not to be messed with. Even Dixie, who could get along with anyone and everyone, was giving the new recruit a wide berth, even if she was also giving the brute an interested side eye when she thought he wasn’t paying attention. All the ladies in the bar seemed to think the caramel-skinned behemoth with his mixed ancestry and impenetrable dark gaze was easy on the eyes—not that he seemed to give a rat’s ass about the female attention.
It was slow for a Monday night, so I had sent both of them home early and let Avett close down the kitchen. There was no sense in paying them to hang around when there was only one person at the bar. I knew Zeb Fuller pretty well. He was friends with my brother-in-law and the rest of the crew I spent most of my time with, and he was a regular at the Bar. He was another beast of a man that emanated a whole lot of don’t-fuck-with-me. It must be something about the clean mountain air that allowed the men in the state to grow into giants. I wasn’t small by any stretch of the imagination, but more often than not, I found myself eye to eye or having to look up at most of the guys that made up my social circle. It was just one more incentive to keep my ass in line. There were way too many guys around that were very capable of kicking my ass six ways to Sunday if I screwed up again.
Zeb had a pensive look on his face and was absently stroking his beard. Since moving to Denver, I had learned quickly that the three B’s ruled all—beards, beer, and babes. The mile-high had a plethora of all those things, and when in doubt a conversation could always be started by picking one of the holy trinity. In a pinch, the Broncos always worked as a substitute B as well. Zeb had the beard, he didn’t drink beer, and I knew, since he was at the Bar spilling his guts all the time, that his current babe situation was stuck in neutral because the girl he was hung up on seemed clueless to how he felt about her. She was also the older sister of one of his best friends, Rowdy, who wasn’t exactly thrilled with Zeb’s interest in his sibling.
I was finishing wiping down the bar and restocking the cooler while Zeb sulked into his almost empty glass of Jack and Coke. I never thought I would be the guy that others went to with their problems. I wasn’t exactly sympathetic or patient with things that I thought were obvious, but ever since I stepped foot behind that bar, I felt more like a therapist than a drink slinger. What was even more shocking was that I liked it. I liked being able to see the situation from the outside and point out things from my own unique perspective. After all, I had screwed up enough for an entire army of people, so I figured I might as well put those hard lessons learned to good use.
“Why don’t you just ask her out on a date?” I tossed the bar towel onto the dirty-rag pile and picked up the remote to turn off the TVs. I was going to shut it all down at midnight since Zeb was the only customer and I knew enough to know he just wanted to talk, not to drink.
He looked up at me and frowned. “You’ve met Sayer. Does she strike you as the type to go on a date with a guy like me?”
Sayer Cole was a bit of a mystery. She was a lawyer, beautiful in a really elegant and refined way, and she had surprised our little group of misfits by coming to Denver and claiming one of us as her own blood. Rowdy never knew he had a sister after growing up in foster care, so the reunion had been rocky at best. Only now she fit in seamlessly with the rest of the wayward souls that made up the tight-knit unit my little sister, Ayden, had been so fortunate to marry into. I was also lucky that they all took me into the fold based entirely on the fact that Ayden wasn’t going to give me up. She might not like me very much all of the time, but she loved me unconditionally, and that was enough for the rest of the group to welcome me with open arms.
“She’s nice. She seems pretty cool with whatever comes her way.”
Zeb pushed his empty glass at me and ran his hands through his unruly hair. The guy was a contractor, built things for a living, so it kind of fit that he reminded me of a modern-day lumberjack.
“I’ve been flirting with her, teasing her and dropping hints since the day we met. She’s smart. If she was interested she would pick up on what I’m laying down.”
“Maybe.” I braced my arms on the bar and leaned across from him. I gave him a steady look and asked seriously, “But don’t you think she’s probably a little more used to formal invitations from someone that wants to take her out? Everything about Sayer screams country club and formality. Maybe she just doesn’t get what you’re after.”
He blinked at me for a second and then leaned back on his stool. “You think?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. She hired you to work on her house even after you told her you served time. She let you be around Salem’s sister when we all know she’s protecting that girl like a mama bear, so she obviously trusts you and is comfortable around you. Maybe she’s waiting for you to up your game. Not all ladies are gonna start pulling off their clothes and crawl between the covers because you smile at them. I heard you tell Rowdy once that you weren’t afraid of doing the work if the lady is worth it. Sayer is worth it.”
She really was. She had helped me out of a hard spot not too long ago, and when Rowdy’s girlfriend had needed a safe place for her little sister to recover from a really terrible situation, Sayer hadn’t hesitated to take the girl in. She was as kind and generous as she was lovely. She deserved a guy that was willing to go the extra mile for her even if that guy kinda resembled a tattooed Paul Bunyan.
Zeb pushed up off the bar and lifted both of his dark eyebrows at me. “I question taking romantic advice from a guy that’s repeatedly turning down the hottest piece of ass I’ve ever seen. That’s just wasteful, man.”
I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. “That’s the whole point: she’s not a piece of ass, and I don’t know why she’s suddenly acting like she is. Besides, any chick that can throw me in jail when I piss her off is off the table.” What I really meant but didn’t say was that I knew I was bound to screw up and piss her off. That was just what I did.
Zeb grunted. “I think I’d risk a night in lockup for her. Saying no to all of that is like a Herculean feat. Someone should nominate you for sainthood.”
I laughed drily and followed him to the front door so I could lock it behind him. “The halo would burst into flames if they got it anywhere near my head.”
He gave me a hard look. “You know I don’t think you’re half as bad as you seem to think you are, Asa. Trust me, I know better than most about screwing up on an epic level, but I’ve never let that define who I was going to be for the rest of my life.”
I might have bounced in and out of jail since I was a teenager, but I had never had to spend more than a few weeks at a time locked down. Zeb, though, had served several years behind bars for his mistake. The difference between us was that Zeb had broken the law because he felt like he didn’t have any other choice. I broke the law because I wanted to. The law got in my way, prevented me from getting what I wanted or what I thought I needed, so I ignored it and pretended like it didn’t matter.
“Some people screw up, and then some people are screw-ups. I fall firmly into the second category.”
There was no other explanation as to how Ayden and I could have half of the same genetic makeup and be so vastly different. Granted there was a good chance I absolutely took after my scumbag of a father, a father we didn’t share. Yet we were so opposite I often had to wonder how we had been brought up in the same house and lived the same hard-knock childhood. I had no clue how she could be as together, as composed and steady, as she was. I don’t know how she had found a space in her new life for me or how she had stayed by my side when I was dying. I knew she had every reason to walk away from me, but instead she had done everything in her power to save me and she had given me a new life of my own. One I was terrified I was going to rip to shreds any second now.
Zeb shook his head a little and yanked the door open. “I think you need to cut yourself some slack.”
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
I shoved him on his shoulder out the door and closed it in his face. I liked Zeb. We had a lot in common, but he didn’t know the whole story, didn’t know some of the really terrible things I had done. He didn’t know that when I died, when everything went black and I knew I wasn’t coming back to rejoin the mortal coil, every single, terrible, awful, horrible thing I had ever done in my life floated before me live in vivid color.
The way I used Ayden. The way I had never stopped her from doing what she was doing, which I did so that I could get what I wanted. The sex, the drugs, all of it a kaleidoscope of regret so hard and heavy I was sure it was dragging me to hell. I loved my sister more than anything in the world and yet I hadn’t ever been able to stop myself from treating her like a pawn in one of my games. Watching what I did to Ayden, what I allowed her to do for me, was worse than every blow from the baseball bats the bikers had wielded. Seeing the heartbreak in her whiskey-colored eyes when I finally caught up to her after years apart was enough to make me glad I wouldn’t ever be opening my own eyes again.
On top of that, there were the old ladies I scammed and the bikers I ripped off. There were the cars I stole and the men I knew my mom was sleeping with to pay our rent while I did nothing to stop it or help the family out. There was the debutante I had charmed into giving me her college fund, which I promptly wasted on a backroom poker game. There was the elderly gentleman looking for a companion that I had convinced not only that I was gay, but that I was interested in him, convinced him just enough to get him to write me a check so I could pursue my passion for photography; needless to say, I wasn’t gay or a photographer, but his ten grand had gone a long way in funding my next scam. The number of people I had screwed over was endless, and as their faces rolled like a movie behind my eyes as life leached out of me, I knew I was getting what I deserved.
When I had woken up, had seen Ayden looking down at me while I struggled to realize that even the devil in hell didn’t want me, I realized something bright, sharp, and clear. I was an asshole. I was a bad man that had done bad things and I was always going to be that guy, but I never, never wanted to hurt my sister again. I never wanted her to have to worry about me, never wanted her to have to suffer for me or lose anything because of me ever again. I was always going to be a screw-up, but I was going to actively try to avoid causing any more damage, and so far it had been going pretty well. I just had to hold on to those memories, those regrets and that remorse, tight enough that my hands would be too full to ever do the devil’s work again.
I pulled the cash drawer out and put it and the sales receipts in the safe that was in Rome’s office. I made sure all the cameras were on, especially the ones in the parking lot that he had recently installed. I got jumped one night after work by a bunch of kids with a vendetta that had actually led to my arrest and a legal headache that had taken longer to deal with than it should have because of my past. So now I was hypervigilant and always made sure the eye in the sky was watching my every move.
It was a little after one in the morning. The parking lot was mostly empty except for a few cars that were left over from people that hadn’t wanted to drive home after drinking or local neighborhood cars that Rome let borrow a slot. The Bar wasn’t in a terrible part of town and I was now pretty used to keeping odd hours since I didn’t get out of work until well after most of the world went to bed. I kind of liked the quiet of it all.
It was cold out. Being from the South like me, it had taken a couple of winters to get used to the frigid mountain air. I didn’t love the chill. My dislike of winter was enough that I was seriously considering buying a car even though the studio apartment I rented was barely two blocks away from the Bar. That was another thing that had changed after I came back to life. Now I could care less about things. I used to want the best of it all. The nicest clothes, the flashiest ride, the biggest house, and of course the prettiest girl. I wanted everything I had never had growing up and I wanted to show it all off and prove my worth. Now I wanted nothing. The less I had, the less there was to lose.
I was rubbing my hands together briskly and blowing into them to try and warm them up when headlights suddenly illuminated me and a vehicle rolled into the parking lot and didn’t stop until it almost reached me. The lights cut out and the driver’s-side door swung open. I would’ve worried, tensed up and walked the other way, if I didn’t recognize the ancient SUV and the female driver. Royal was always going to be prettier than any of the other trophies I used to flash around back in my heyday … prettier even when it was obvious she hadn’t been sleeping well.
I pulled the collar of my shearling coat up around my jaw and stepped around the door to where she was sliding out of her seat to the ground. She looked like she had just come from the gym. She had on some kind of stretchy skintight pants and a big sweatshirt. Her hair was tangled in a messy knot on the top of her head and her eyes looked a few shades darker than their normal sweet chocolate color. She also had on running shoes instead of her typical sexy footwear, and she was shivering in the night air.
“You’re out and about late.” I tried to keep my tone even. She was unpredictable and I never knew which way she was going to go with things. I was used to being able to read people like an open book, but she kept turning the page on me. It was always surprising and unexpected.
She pulled the sleeves of her sweatshirt down over her fingers and looked up at me in a way that made my dick twitch hard behind my zipper. It should be legally prohibited for anyone to be that effortlessly sexy.
“I was at the gym because I haven’t been sleeping well. The powers that be cleared me to go back to work at the end of the week as long as I keep seeing the department shrink for the next three months.”
I thought she would sound happier about that fact than she did. “That’s good news … isn’t it?”
Her shivering turned to outright shaking, and I knew it didn’t have anything to do with the cold outside. Against my better judgment I reached out and hooked an arm around her neck and pulled her against my chest. I pulled open the sides of my coat and let her burrow into me while she shook uncontrollably. I felt her hands snake around my sides and search for warm skin below the edge of my shirt on my lower back. I jolted and I wanted to tell myself it was because her hands were like ice, but that wasn’t it. Her touch made my skin ripple in excitement.
“I’ve never worked a shift without Dom. He’s like my other half. They’re assigning me a temporary partner to work with until Dom comes back.” She pulled away so she could look up at me through her silky lashes. “Only they didn’t say when Dom comes back, they said if. I don’t know if I can do what I do without him.”
I felt her fingers dig into the hollow right at the top of my ass and I had to fight down a full-body shiver.
“You love your job.” I knew it was true. Even though she was acting wild and off the tracks lately, she was so much of what she did for a living. “You don’t need your partner in order to be a good cop, Royal.”
We stared at each other silently for a long moment and then the corner of her mouth kicked up in a grin that made my gut tighten and turned my blood thick. I needed to let go of her and get to getting before I did something stupid.
“Did you miss me this weekend, Asa?”
That was a loaded question if there ever was one. Of course I had noticed she wasn’t around, but I had steadfastly refused to acknowledge how her absence made me feel, so I sighed and asked her, “What are you doing here so late?”
She cocked her head to the side and her eyes narrowed just a fraction. Her fingers dipped below the waistband at the back of my jeans, and I had to suck in a breath through my teeth, which hurt because the night air was freezing.
“I don’t know. Every time I can’t seem to figure out where I’m going lately I always end up wherever you are.”
I swore and went to take a step away from her, but her hands just dipped lower and tugged me closer. “You need to get your compass fixed, then. It’s pointing you in the wrong direction, Red.”
Suddenly it went from being below zero to feeling like we were standing on the surface of the sun. My breathing went shallow and a little erratic as her gaze went all liquid and melty.
“The more you tell me that, the more determined I am to prove you wrong.”
Then she stood up on her toes so that she could put her mouth on mine, and it was all over. I knew it was coming. We had been dancing around each other for months. She was too pretty and too persistent for this not to happen at some point in time. She was also too kind, and far too good, to let someone like me put my hands on her. I wasn’t really what she wanted, but I was getting tired of trying to tell her that. Despite my best intentions, this inferno that raged between us was going to burn out of control and she had just lit the match and tossed it carelessly on the tinder.
Her hands found their way to my sides as her soft lips did their best to render me mindless and stupid with lust. I could inhale her. It would be so simple to just get lost in all the soft and sweet that made her delectable, but somewhere in the back of my mind all the ways in which this was going to go horribly wrong were poking at me. I raised my hands and gently cupped her jaw. I ran my thumb back and forth across skin that couldn’t possibly be that soft, and tried my damnedest not to let her lead me to a place I would never find my way back from. I pulled away from the exquisite brush of her mouth along mine just as her tongue darted out to trace along the sealed seam of my lips. It made me groan out loud. I was going to put a stop to it, I needed to end it now, but she was quick and took advantage of my reaction by slipping her tongue inside my barely parted lips, and then it was hopeless to stop the avalanche of desire that engulfed me.
After all, I never claimed to be an angel and even the devil could only play with fire for so long before he gave in to unholy temptation and danced in the flames.
I backed her into the open doorway of the car. I tunneled my fingers into her hair where it was tight against her head and I inserted a leg between hers so that our pelvises were flush against each other. I wasn’t nice. I kissed her like she had been after me to kiss her from the beginning of this game. I used my tongue. I used my teeth. I didn’t let her breathe and I didn’t give her any kind of space to move away from me as I crowded in on her. I reached around her and grabbed her very spectacular ass in one hand in a really classless move and made sure to manhandle it and her in a very obvious way.
If she wanted me how I really was, then she was going to get it. I had no problem letting the pretense fall away, especially when she was writhing and whimpering against me. I twisted my tongue around hers. I sucked hard on her lower lip until she gasped. I pressed my chest into hers until I could feel the rigid points of her nipples even through all the layers of clothes that separated the two of us.
I felt her fingernails dig harder into my skin where her hands were still trapped under my shirt. I thought maybe she was getting the point, that this was bound to be a train wreck and that her common sense was finally waking back up. But just as I was about to let her go, to pull back and get some much-needed breathing room so I could get my whirling thoughts back in line, one of those dangerous hands suddenly detoured drastically south and the next thing I knew she had her palm wrapped fully around the rock-hard erection that was straining the front of my jeans.
The contact was enough of a shock that I automatically reared back and moved to grab her wrist. She just grinned devilishly up at me and fluttered her eyelashes with false innocence.
“We’re in a parking lot, out in the open. You really want to go there with me, Red?”
Not to mention this little fiasco was being recorded for all of eternity and it wasn’t exactly a show I wanted prying eyes to see. I don’t think Royal was an exhibitionist either, but whatever was working in her complicated mind had her acting out in all kinds of hazardous and surprising ways. I growled her name when she slid her palm up and down, making my dick jump like a well-trained animal at her touch. One of her auburn eyebrows shot straight up and she stuck just the tip of her tongue out to taste her still-damp bottom lip. Goddamn if every single thing she did didn’t make me think of darkened rooms and lots and lots of naked skin.
“Why not? It’s the closest you’ve ever let me get.” She gave the turgid shaft a hearty squeeze, and that made my eyes roll back in my head. I was on the verge, right on the cusp of picking her up and throwing her into the SUV and just giving her what she had been asking for, when my phone rang.
Considering it was well past the middle of the night and the ring tone was the specific one assigned to my little sister, I had a mild panic attack and pried Royal loose from my junk and finally stumbled a few steps away from her.
“Ayd?” I couldn’t help the harshness of tone as I barked out her name.
“Oh my God, Asa, Shaw just went into labor!” My sister was screaming, so I had to hold the phone away from my ear.
“Okay … and …?” Shaw was Ayden’s best friend. The two of them were beyond tight and I knew it had been really rough for Ayden to move to Austin so that she could be closer to her husband when her best friend was expecting her first child. I calmed down when I realized Shaw was okay and there was no crazy emergency.
“You better get your ass to that hospital and be there in my place until I can get to Denver. Jet is booking a flight for us right now, but I still won’t be there until the morning. You need to be there for me, Asa.”
Jet was Ayden’s husband and also a really good friend of the baby’s dad. He would move mountains to make sure Ayden didn’t miss this major moment in Rule and Shaw’s life. I rubbed my hands through my hair and blew out a breath that fogged up in front of me.
“Shaw isn’t going to want me there, Ayd. She’ll want you.”
“I know that, but I might not make it in time, so you’re going to go to the hospital and substitute for me!” She was screaming and almost hysterical, so I knew there would be no reasoning with her. “You need to keep me updated on everything that’s happening while I’m on my way there. You have to do this for me, Asa.”
Rule was Rome’s younger brother. The entire Archer clan was bound to be on hand, not to mention all the other various members of the gang that worked with Rule at the tattoo shop he owned with Nash. The maternity-ward waiting room was going to be full of the Marked family and they really didn’t need me in the way, but I had promised myself I was never going to let Ayden down again, so I grumbled my agreement to go and hung up on her before she could keep screaming at me.
I looked at Royal, who was texting on her phone and chewing on her lower lip not at all like a mere moment ago she had had her hand in my pants. She looked back up at me with a crooked grin.
“Saint just texted that Shaw’s in labor.” I nodded and then frowned when my phone buzzed in my hand with a text. I thought it was going to be Ayden, so I was surprised when the message was from Rome instead.
Another Archer is on the way. Get your ass to the hospital.
It took me a minute to understand that I was actually wanted there for this big event. I looked up at Royal in confusion. “Rome wants me there.”
“Of course he does.”
I frowned at her. “What do you mean, ‘of course he does’?”
She made a face at me and moved to climb into the driver’s seat of the 4Runner. “You’re friends and practically business partners. Rule has Nash, Jet has Rowdy, and Rome has you. Everyone needs someone to lean on, and bringing a new life into the world is most definitely a big deal. Now come on, I’ll give you a lift down there.”
I was stunned speechless, so I just moved around the car and climbed in the passenger side. I slumped down once I was situated and stared straight ahead.
I liked Rome. I respected the hell out of him. He was also on my newly formed list of people I never wanted to disappoint. He had given me a shot when everyone else in the world seemed like they were just waiting for me to fuck everything up. I owed him a lot, but it had never occurred to me that somewhere along the line that had morphed into him relying on me and respecting me as well. It was kind of a foreign concept to me and I wasn’t sure what to do with it.
“One of these days you’re going to let me finish what I’m always trying to start with you, Asa.”
Royal’s voice was low and there was a needy thread in it that twisted and twined around my heart. That couldn’t happen. I couldn’t let her get to me; that would be bad news for both of us. It was time to stop pretending and let her see my true colors.
I leered at her and told her flatly, “Any guy that gets your hands around his dick is gonna finish, Red.” It was crude and unnecessary, but it made her be quiet for the rest of the ride to the hospital and I spent that time convincing myself it was for the best …
… Wasn’t it?
CHAPTER 4 (#ulink_698bce6e-de61-589d-a566-4ae8eb458862)
Royal (#ulink_698bce6e-de61-589d-a566-4ae8eb458862)
My adrenaline was crashing. Partly from the lack of sleep and the excessive workout in the gym, but mostly from being burned alive from the inside out by Asa. I knew that once he let me get close enough to touch, I wasn’t going to be able to stop. There was just something about him, some kind of lure that pulled at me when I was around him that was too hard to fight against.
I wasn’t exactly shy, but I also wasn’t the type to just stick my hand in a guy’s pants and go for the gold either. Asa pushed me against all of my boundaries, made me forget that there were consequences to my actions, and I loved every single thing about it. I loved that when I was close enough to breathe him in, he was all I could feel, and I loved the way his glimmering amber eyes seemed to see everything I was trying so hard to hide. They were hot enough to melt the hardest metal and I was far from being forged out of steel and iron at the moment. I felt like I was made of paper and fluff.
I had every intention of just dropping him off at the hospital and going home to try and pretend to sleep. The ride to the hospital passed in absolute silence and I could see the way the muscles in his chiseled jaw were clenching and unclenching as we got closer. I wasn’t sure if it had to do with me or with the impending new addition, but it was clear he was lost in his own head and I wasn’t allowed inside. Whatever he was musing on it wasn’t making him too happy. I could tell even in the dark of the car as his eyes shifted from their normally burnished gold color to a much darker and heavier brown.
I pulled to a stop in front of the massive medical building and waited for him to climb out. I wasn’t going to say anything, figuring I had gotten myself into enough trouble for one night, but he cocked his head to the side and turned in his seat a little to look at me questioningly.
“Aren’t you coming in?”
My hands curled around the steering wheel involuntarily and I blinked at him in confusion.
“Why would I?”
I was tight with Saint and I really liked Nash, he was pretty much the nicest guy ever, but I hardly knew Shaw, and Rome’s wife, Cora, kind of scared the crap out of me. I got along fine with Salem, her no-bullshit attitude was awesome, and I liked that she always spoke her mind. Plus, when her sister had been abducted, I was the first person she turned to and that created a lasting bond between the two of us. But I was pretty sure Ayden was going to show up in no time flat, and I really didn’t want to be around when she did. Yes, she had apologized for losing her shit and being a stone-cold bitch to me when she found out I was the one that had arrested Asa, and I believe she meant it, but I had no plans on hanging out and making a happy situation awkward. I hadn’t seen Ayden since the day she bailed Asa out of jail, and I was in no hurry to have a reunion. Especially if I couldn’t manage to keep the way I felt about her troublesome brother on lockdown.
I knew instinctively she wouldn’t approve.
“Why wouldn’t you?” His drawl was so smooth, so velvet soft, as it wrapped around me. I just wanted him to whisper things to me in the dark forever.
“I’m friends with Saint and I adore Nash, but this is a big deal, something you share with family. I’m not part of that.”
He just stared at me and then grunted. “Go park. We’re going up together.”
I shook my head. “No, we’re not.”
I watched as the fire lit back up in his eyes and they switched back to their intoxicating whiskey color. “Fine.” He settled back in the seat, crossed his arms over his chest, and lifted a sandy-blond eyebrow at me. “If you don’t have to go up, then neither do I. You can drop me off back at the Bar.”
I gasped at him a little and narrowed my eyes at him. “Rome asked you to come. You should be inside right now, not arguing with me. You’re wanted up there.”
His mouth kicked up on the side, and I saw just how easy it was for him to charm people out of common sense. He was pretty day in and day out, but that grin had the devil and temptation in it, and it turned him into something otherworldly. No mere human looked that good after a full day of work and a bout of unfulfilled groping and fondling. It was obvious the path to every decadent sin led right through Asa Cross, and man oh man, did I want to race down it. I would never understand why he insisted on putting so many roadblocks in my way.
“Saint got in touch with you, so obviously someone wants you here. She’s shy and there is a lot of commotion to handle when this group gets excited about something. You ever stop and think maybe she needs you as her buffer?”
I cringed because I did know that. Saint loved Nash’s friends, was deeply immersed in their world and definitely accepted as part of the ramshackle family, but it was easy for her to get lost in the sea of strong, dominant personalities and she did like having me around to be her port in the storm. Only instead of wanting to be there for my friend, I wanted to run because I didn’t know if I could stand any more judgment coming my way. I had only been doing my job. I hadn’t wanted to be the one to put Asa in cuffs and take him in, but it had to be done and I unfortunately had to be the one to do it. I respected all of those ladies so much; seeing disappointment in their eyes when they looked at me might very well be the thing that tipped me over the edge of the cliff I was precariously holding on to at the moment.
I sighed because I could see that Asa was serious in his threat. Calling him every bad name in my head that I could think of, I wheeled the 4Runner into a parking spot and turned the engine off.
“You’re a manipulative jerk, you know that?”
He finally threw the door open and climbed out. The blast of winter air almost knocked me over and I remembered belatedly that all I had on was my gym clothes.
He walked around the front of the car and stopped when he reached my door. Without a word he pulled it open and put a hand on my arm and practically dragged me out. He shook his head when he saw how I was shivering, and took his big, heavy coat off and put it around my shoulders. It smelled like him and I wanted to cuddle into it and rub my face in the leather, but I was too busy glaring at him as he told me, “Now you’re catching on, Red.”
All he had on was a long-sleeved thermal, so I tried to hand the coat back to him, but he just grunted and put a hand on my lower back and guided me to the front doors. I blew out a breath that fogged up the air in front of us and told him quietly, “Your sister hates me. She’s gonna lose her mind when she shows up and sees me here with everyone.”
He chuckled and the sound sent chills racing all across my skin.
“Ayden is protective … of her friends, of her man, of me. She sometimes goes off before she thinks things all the way through. She doesn’t hate you. She hates that I’ve lived the kind of life that I have. In fact the only person she’s ever actually hated is me. That wasn’t the first time she’s had to come get me out of jail, and Lord only knows if it’ll be the last. She knows you were just doing your job, Royal. She just wants to save me. She’s always wanted to save me.”
I cut him a hard look out of the corner of my eye. “Why didn’t you say anything that day? Those kids jumped you, hurt you, and yet you just let us take you in with no complaint. Why?” I had wondered since the day Dom and I had been sent to the Bar to pick him up.
The hospital was busy. I was here enough that I knew the way to the labor and delivery unit without having to ask for directions. Asa followed along beside me without responding to my question. I thought he was just going to ignore me, until we got in the elevator and the doors swished closed. He turned and faced me, and that grin that turned his face into something I would dream about forever flashed at me.
“What’s the point? I’m always going to be the bad guy even when I’m not.”
I frowned. “You could have defended yourself. You were innocent. Those kids set you up.”
There was video proof of the fact, which had ultimately led to him being cleared of all the charges that were filed against him.
I started a little when he reached out and very gently ran the tip of his index finger over the line that had furrowed between my eyebrows as I scowled up at him.
“I’m not defending myself ever again. Not to my sister. Not to the police. Not to anyone. People are going to think what they want, and sadly most of those things that they think are going to be right about me. I’m guilty of a lot of bad shit, Royal. Most of it I never got caught for. Karma has a way of catching up with you, especially when you laughed in her face one too many times.”
I was baffled by his response and sort of stunned by the care in that simple touch.
“Are you telling me you would’ve been willing to go to jail for something you didn’t do as some sort of penance for all the other bad stuff you did in the past? That’s crazy, Asa.”
He just shrugged a shoulder and the doors swished open and we walked into a waiting room full of anxious and excited family and friends. I knew he was carrying around a barrel stuffed full of shame and remorse from his misdeeds of the past. What I hadn’t realized up until that very moment was that he was willing to let that barrel crush him rather than set it down and sort through its contents.
Saint was at the desk talking to the lady behind it. Rome was pacing back and forth in front of an older couple that I assumed had to be his and Rule’s parents since Shaw had almost no contact with her family; Salem was curled up in a ball on one of the chairs with her head on Rowdy’s shoulder; Nash was leaning against the wall with a baseball hat pulled low over his eyes; and Cora was nowhere to be seen.
I faltered a little bit when all eyes turned to us as we approached. At first I thought they were all wondering why I was there, but quickly realized that they were all wondering why Asa and I had shown up at the exact same time and that they were all probably curious as to why I was still wrapped up in his coat. I shrugged out of it even though it felt like I was handing over a security blanket and cleared my throat.
“Hey.”
Asa echoed the greeting and shook Rome’s hand as the gigantic retired soldier walked over. I squeaked a little when the big man scooped me up in a tight hug that I couldn’t help but return. When he put me back on my feet I just gaped up at him in surprise. He smiled down at me and I couldn’t help but smile back.
“I was going to have Cora ask you to go get him if he didn’t show. I was gonna tell you to use force if necessary.”
Asa made a noise and lifted an eyebrow at his boss. “Where’s Cora? This doesn’t seem like something she would miss.”
We wandered farther into the waiting room and I let out a sigh of relief when Saint made her way over to my side. She linked her arm through mine and gave me a knowing look. I just shook my head and told her, “Later. We can talk about it later.”
She just smiled at me and propped herself up next to Nash, who tilted his head down at me in greeting.
Rome ran his hands over his head and his massive chest expanded as he huffed out a frustrated breath.
“She’s in the bathroom.” Something shifted across his handsome face. “She’s not feeling well at the moment.”
Rome and Cora had recently gotten engaged and they had a daughter who was just starting to walk, which constantly kept them on their toes. She was full of her mother’s fiery personality and her dad’s stubbornness, which meant keeping up with little RJ was a full-time job. They were a rock-solid family unit and it made me have hope for my own future. I wanted to believe that something like what Rome and Cora had could exist without infidelity, without jealousy and drama, in my life at some point. In fact all of these people had relationships I envied and admired. They were all determined to make them work. No matter what the cost. They wanted to be together and they all did whatever it took to make that happen. I really wanted someone to feel that way about me.
Nash pushed the brim of his hat up and his periwinkle-colored eyes shone at me with unbridled amusement.
“Any particular reason you showed up at the exact same time as Asa?” I was pretty sure Saint had told him about my current infatuation, but I wasn’t in the mood to share or be teased, so I just shrugged.
“Good timing, I guess.” Nash was Rule’s best friend, so punching him in the gut to get that cocky grin off of his face wouldn’t be in good form considering the situation.
I let go of Saint’s arm and found a seat that was off to the side. I kicked my feet up on the one across from me and settled in to wait. Having babies took a long time and it wasn’t like I was going to sleep anyway.
I was drifting in my own thoughts. Thinking about Asa’s startling revelations that he was willing to go to jail to pay for past crimes, thinking about the way he tasted, the way he felt so hot and hard in my hand. I was thinking about the idea of going back to work without Dom at my back and how that was almost impossible to get my head around. I also couldn’t get my mind off the fact that all I wanted when I couldn’t sleep and the gym wasn’t enough was to go toe-to-toe with the southern bartender I couldn’t get out of my head. My crush was turning into an obsession.
I jolted a little when a tiny body landed in the chair next to me. Cora looked at my sprawled-out form and kicked her much shorter legs out in front of her with a grin. “Not even close.” There was still a foot beyond the toe of her combat boot and the opposite chair.
I rolled my head to the side so I could look at her as she settled in next to me. Cora was the unofficial guardian angel of this group. She was a petite powerhouse of a woman, and when I wasn’t sort of terrified of her, I really liked and respected her. Tonight she looked a little pale and she had obvious bags under her two different-colored eyes.
“How’s it going?” I figured if anyone would know it would be her.
“Fine. Rule’s actually handling all of it better than Rome did. Rome had the nurses and my OB-GYN scared to come near me. Rule’s taking it all in stride. As long as Shaw is cool, he seems cool, but the real contractions haven’t started yet. We might have to send in the reinforcements if he flips out like his brother did.”
I laughed. I had no doubt Rome was extra scary when he was stressed and freaking out. He looked like he could win a war all by himself with no weapons, just standing off to the side chatting with Asa.
“Well, that’s good. It’s nice you’re all here to support them. Ayden called Asa. She’s on her way already.”
Cora tilted her head back on the chair, put a hand over her tummy, and squeezed her eyes shut. She looked a little green all of a sudden and I sat up straighter. I was going to ask her if she was okay when she breathed deep and then turned her head to look at me as whatever was wrong with her apparently passed.
“She’s going to be devastated if that baby comes before she gets here. Moving to Austin with Jet was the best choice, but it’s hard on them with all of us still here.”
“She told Asa he had to be here just in case she couldn’t make it.”
Cora nodded and smiled at me. “He needs to be here regardless, and so do you.”
It was uncanny how she always seemed to see everything. “I’m here.” I said it begrudgingly.
“Yeah. But you had to think about it first. You belong here, Royal. Don’t doubt it.”
But I did—doubt it, that is. I just didn’t know how I fit. “Things just felt off and a little strained after I had to take Asa in. I wasn’t really sure how to handle that, and making friends has never been all that easy for me.”
Most girls didn’t like me or didn’t trust me and boys only wanted to pretend to be my friend in the hopes it would lead to more. Aside from my tight bond with my mom, my relationship with Dom and his sisters, and now Saint, I had lived a pretty solitary life.
“Shit happens. What happened with Asa wasn’t your fault and we all know that.” She gave me a very pointed look, her brown eye hard and her blue eye sharp. “Do you?”
I wanted to tell her everything felt like it was my fault. It felt like all I could do anymore was make mistake after mistake. I never got the chance, though, because panic crossed her pretty face and in a heartbeat she was up out of the chair and darting across the waiting room to where the bathrooms were located. Rome’s deep voice rumbled with a litany of swearwords as his mom scolded him, which he blatantly ignored as he followed his tiny fiancée into the ladies’ room. He ignored the nurse that called out to him as well, which had all the guys gathered around laughing.
I was pondering Cora’s words about fault when her now-vacant seat was filled with a much bigger, masculine body. Whenever I was within touching distance of him, all my senses seemed to go into overload. He draped one of his long arms across the back of my chair and looked at me out of the corner of his eye.
“You okay?” His voice was softer than usual and way too close to my ear. I gulped a little and nodded.
It was the fact he asked, the fact that I think he really cared whether I was okay or not, that overshadowed all the red flags he liked to wave in my face warning me away from him.
“Yeah. I’m glad I came up with you. It’s nice to see this.”
“See what?”
I waved a hand vaguely around the room indicating where Salem and Rowdy were cuddled together, where Nash had wrapped Saint up in his arms and was holding her, where Rome had disappeared after Cora, and even where the older Archers were sitting huddled together.
“Happiness. Togetherness. Unity. It was just me and my mom when I was growing up and she jumped from man to man always looking for something she couldn’t seem to find. It’s pretty cool to see couples that actually want to be together. Stability is kind of a foreign concept to me.”
He kicked his long legs up like mine were and adopted a similar pose. I shivered a little when his side pressed along my own. He grinned at me when he noticed my reaction.
“You can have all the stability you want when you stop looking for trouble.”
He was probably right, although trouble sounded like so much more fun right now, and what I wanted and what I needed were absolutely not the same thing.
I didn’t reply; instead I tried really hard not to move as I felt the tips of his fingers start to play with the end of my long ponytail where it hung over the back of the chair. I don’t think he was even aware that he was doing it. That is, until I glanced at him and noticed the golden glow shining out of his eyes. This was not a guy that ever did anything without being very aware of the effect it was having on the people around him. He wasn’t just trouble, he was potent and more dangerous than most of the stuff I saw on the streets every day.
At some point the monotony of waiting for endless hours long into the night, the quiet murmur of voices, the squeak of rubber shoes on the linoleum floor, all worked together to lull me to sleep. One minute I was thinking about how odd my night had turned out. About how when I felt my absolute worst there was this remarkable foundation of wonderful people to catch me. I wasn’t used to having any kind of safety net aside from Dom, and I had to admit it was really nice to have a soft landing instead of a brutal crash for once in my life.
But of course, like everything in my world lately, drifting off into a little catnap couldn’t just be easy and rejuvenating. As soon as the darkness descended, it was there. The day everything changed forever.
I heard the gunshots. Heard the cops that had been on the scene before us shouting. Heard the people in the neighborhood chattering next to the dilapidated building that had been converted into a monster meth lab. I heard the sirens. I heard my radio squawk that there were several officers down. It was a bad situation all around, but Dom and I were trained. It was our job to go into bad situations and make them better.
I heard Dom telling me we should go into the alley and I blindly agreed. I heard his boots rattle on the metal as he found a fire escape and started to climb up. I told him I was right behind him, we always had each other’s back. Dom barked at me to stay put, to cover him from the group. We had no idea how many shooters there were, had no idea if the building was clear or not, but again, we were trained and this was our job.
I had my gun out. I was watching, staring hard at the space above Dom’s head, making sure no one could get the drop on him. There were more shots fired, I had no idea if they were our guys or the bad guys, and I didn’t care as long as my partner was okay. I heard Dom make a noise as he reached the top of the fire escape. I could swear I heard every single snowflake that was falling that night as it hit the dirty ground around my booted feet.
I heard Dom call an all-clear, saw him move to go through a shattered window, and then I heard it … nothing more than a whisper. A faint sound of a can or some other piece of trash rolling on the asphalt. I moved my attention away from Dom for a split second, half of a heartbeat, not even a full blink, and then hell was unleashed.
A kid, a boy that was barely out of puberty, popped up over the edge of the roof, opened fire from his higher position, and hit Dom. He took two shots in the vest, one ripped through his arm. The force and surprise sent him stumbling backward until he hit the waist-high railing of the fire escape and started to tumble over it. One last bullet had caught him just right in the side, but it was the fall that did the most damage.
Then all I could hear was screaming, my own and Dom’s as he fell. I returned fire, caught the kid dead center in his chest. It didn’t matter. I thought Dom was dead and I couldn’t stop screaming.
I woke up with a jerk. I was covered in a light sheen of sweat and noticeably shaking. Luckily this time I wasn’t making any noise and no one seemed to notice my disheveled state, mostly because Ayden and Jet had arrived and everyone was gathered around saying hello. I watched as Asa pulled his strikingly beautiful little sister into a warm embrace.
And then it was like Shaw and the baby knew, like her and Rule’s baby boy had been waiting for just the right minute to make his grand entrance into the world. He seemed to know the exact moment that his whole family was there to meet him because it wasn’t until the entire gang was present that Reyer Remington Archer made his debut.
I had to say it was the best thing that had ever been waiting for me on the end of the nightmarish visions of that horrible night, and I would forever be grateful I was allowed to be part of it.
CHAPTER 5 (#ulink_078936c2-59b5-506a-91da-c271107ff2c7)
Asa (#ulink_078936c2-59b5-506a-91da-c271107ff2c7)
About two weeks after the night at the hospital, I walked into the Bar full of trepidation. Rome had called and asked me to come in an hour early because he wanted to talk to me about something. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out if I had screwed something up or done something wrong, but his grave tone was more serious than usual and it made my long-honed self-preservation instincts kick in. If he was going to can me, tell me to get lost, I told myself it was no big deal. I could hit the road, I could figure out something else to do, but the Bar had really sort of become the first place that felt like it was solid under my feet, and I didn’t want to admit that losing that scared the hell out of me. Not having this place really would set me adrift, and when I was adrift I got into trouble … lots of trouble.
Ayden and Jet had stayed for a week. My sister wanted to be there when Shaw took baby Ry home and got settled. The nickname was cute and Shaw loved it because she was a huge J. D, Salinger fan, plus knowing who the kid’s dad was, he was bound to have a little Holden Caulfield rebellion in him. It wasn’t enough time with my sister, and even though I could see she was happy, really happy with her choice to move in order to get more time with her man, I missed her and I could see that she was still worrying too much about me. I tried to tell her that I was fine. I tried to explain that if I was going to fuck up, it wouldn’t matter if she was here in Denver or in Austin, but that just made her tawny eyes spark at me in anger. I loved Ayden more than I ever knew I was capable of, but I wasn’t going to try and fool her into believing that I was never going to screw up again. All I could do was try. Try and be better, try and be honest, try staying on the right side of the law and not running when things got hard. Trying was just going to have to be enough. For Ayden and for me.
During the day the Bar was fairly quiet. There was a whole slew of retired veterans that liked to hang out and share old war stories. It never ceased to amaze me how many of them had to do with ex-wives and old lovers rather than any actual war. Rome typically opened the bar up and hung out until I got there in the early evening to run the night shift. He wanted to be home with his family during the evening and I couldn’t say I blamed him for that. Being a retired soldier himself, Rome had an easy way with the grizzled clientele and preferred to leave the more lively and rambunctious party crowd to me.
When I walked in the front doors, he wasn’t around, and Brite, the guy who had sold Rome the Bar in the first place, was standing in my usual spot behind the long wooden bar. Darcy, the Bar’s cook and Brite’s ex-wife, had her head poking out of the kitchen and the two of them appeared to be arguing in low voices.
I don’t think either of them copped to the fact that they might be exes but were still practically married. Wife number three was long gone, and Darcy wasn’t just his only child’s mother, but really the love of his life. I had asked Rome about it once and he just shrugged and told me that good women were complicated and hard to hold on to. I didn’t understand it until I walked into the liquor storeroom unannounced one day between shifts and found Darcy with her legs in the air and Brite’s giant form hovering over her in an unmistakable way. There might not be rings, but there was love and passion still there. Too bad their daughter was a grade-A pain in the ass.
Brite cut off whatever he was saying to Darcy, and she ducked back into the kitchen. His teeth flashed at me through the miles of beard that covered his face and he crossed his arms over his barrel-like chest. Brite had so much don’t-fuck-with-me pouring off of him it always surprised me how soft-spoken and insightful he really was. He looked like a Hell’s Angel not a savior, but he was. He had saved this bar. He had saved Rome. He had given all those vets a place to feel secure, and now he was trying his hardest to save his obviously wayward daughter even though she absolutely didn’t seem to appreciate the fact.
“How’s it going, son?” His voice rumbled like thunder over the Rockies.
I shrugged off my coat and ran my hands through my hair. “It’s going. You have any idea why Rome called me in early?”
He shook his head and lifted a bushy eyebrow at me. “How is Avett doing? Tell me the truth, Asa. Rome doesn’t want me to worry, says he can handle her, but I raised that girl. I know all the kinds of headaches she can be.”
I sighed under my breath. “Her attitude sucks. She doesn’t listen. She fights with Darcy. She hates it here, which is a shame because she’s one hell of a good cook.” She really was. When she wasn’t just throwing together the bar food the joint specialized in, when she made something for herself or was playing around, the girl was obviously talented. I told Darcy once that someone should tell Avett to go to culinary school, to which Darcy had sighed and looked like she was going to cry. Turned out Avett had just flunked out of regular college, so any kind of expensive specialty school clearly wasn’t in the cards. The girl was on a downward spiral. I could see it clear as day, mostly because it was a ride I was all too familiar with.
Brite swore under his breath and raised a hand to stroke his beard. “You feel comfortable firing her if she crosses a line?”
I dipped my chin down, thinking about the beer in her purse. “I will do what I have to in order to keep the Bar and Rome safe.”
He nodded grimly at me. “That’s what I wanted to hear. She’s driving Darce nuts. The girl is going to be the death of us both.”
I made a noise of agreement. “Rome in the office?”
Brite nodded and again flashed me a grin that had to fight through his facial hair. “You look nervous, son. Don’t be.”
I was annoyed that my typical mask of indifference and carelessness had slipped, so I struggled to put it back in place as I walked down the hallway where the restrooms, storage, and tiny back office were located. I knocked on the door before pushing it open and noticed Rome was on the phone when I walked in. I sat in one of the ratty chairs that was up against the wall while he continued to grunt and reply in one-word sentences to whomever he was talking to. There was paperwork on the desk, cases of alcohol were piled up on the floor, and Rome’s gym bag took up the space on the other available chair. His chair squeaked as he leaned back heavily in it, said, “I love you more,” meaning the person on the end of the call had to be Cora, and finally hung up and looked at me.
I wanted to grin at him, to play it all off like whatever was about to go down didn’t mean shit to me, but instead I felt my spine stiffen and my eyes narrow. “What’s up?” I didn’t really know what to do with the fact that this somehow mattered so much to me. The only things I had ever cared about before were materialistic and my sister; this was so foreign, and I hated how uneasy it made me. I wanted to squirm but I forced myself to stay still.
He rubbed his palms into his eyes and pressed down on the scar that bisected his eyebrow.
“Cora’s pregnant.”
I rolled my eyes and crossed my leg so that my ankle was resting on my knee. “You don’t say?” Sarcasm was as thick as Kentucky grass in my tone.
He blinked at me for a second and then blew out a breath. “What do you mean?”
I snorted. “I saw her at the hospital. I saw you at the hospital. If it was the flu or just a cold, you wouldn’t have been all over her like a mother hen, and I doubt Cora would’ve looked so happy.”
His blue eyes widened a fraction and then a grin split his stern expression. “Yeah. She just hit a little over two months. She wasn’t as sick with RJ, but she was a hell of a lot moodier.”
“I didn’t know you were trying to have another baby.”
His big shoulders rose and fell. “We weren’t. But we weren’t not trying either. I got a fiancée and a new baby all within a few months of each other and that makes a man start to think about what’s next.”
That made me laugh. I was genuinely happy for him. “Congratulations.”
“We wanted to wait until Rule and Shaw got to take Ry home and had a little while to bask in the new-baby awesomeness before we said anything. Rule as a daddy is a miracle that needs to be appreciated fully for a while, and I don’t think my mom can handle any more Archer good news without exploding. So you and Brite are the only ones that know for now.”
“Got it. Is that what this little powwow was about?” If so, all my muscles could unclench and the breath I was holding could finally escape my frozen lungs.
I gritted my teeth when he shook his head in the negative.
“No. I need to talk to you about the Bar.”
I didn’t want to give away the fact I was sort of falling apart on the inside, so I just stayed silent and waited for him to keep talking.
He just stared at me for a minute and then rocked back in the chair and put his hands behind his head.
“Brite sold me this bar for a hundred bucks. I thought he was crazy.” I agreed. “I didn’t get it at the time, but I do get it now. It wasn’t about the bar or about giving me something to do, it was about taking something beaten, something that had adapted and survived, and breathing new life into it. Did you know that even with the expense of adding Dixie and Avett to the payroll, we still turned a profit last year? And not just a few bucks; an actual, decent-sized profit.”
We were busier and busier and the crowd was getting more and more diverse. The live music helped and so did the fact that Rome’s friends and family were gorgeous and liked to hang out here. The Bar was hip now, so I really wasn’t surprised.
“That’s good news.”
“Yes, it is, and it has a shit ton to do with you, Asa. You work your ass off. You’re here more hours than is healthy. You take care of the staff. You take care of the customers, no matter who they might be, and goddamn, you’re good behind that bar. People fucking love you.”
That’s because I spent most of my life tricking people into thinking I was lovable when the opposite was true.
He dropped his arms and got to his feet and walked around the desk so he could perch on the corner closest to me. It was a small space and Rome was an intimidating guy, but there was a gleam in his gaze that was all about excitement and expectation.
“I want you to hire some more staff. I want Dixie to have help on the floor and I want you to hire a full-time day bartender that’s good with the military guys and a night guy to give you a break.”
“I don’t know that a break is the best thing for me. You know what they say about idle hands.”
I lifted both my eyebrows up at him as he scowled down at me from where he was most definitely looming.
“This bar gave both of us a crutch to lean on when we were trying to figure out what we were doing with our lives. It’s helped us both out by keeping us busy and given us something to focus on. You more so than me because I had my Half-Pint and the baby to worry about. I think it’s also offered me the insight into what happens next.” He looked at me to see if I was still with him and I was. I couldn’t disagree that the Bar was a safe haven when I was trying to leave behind a life and turn into something, someone, more respectable. “There are a lot of businesses that could use a little revitalization, a second chance, if you will. The gym I go to is falling apart. It needs some new equipment, some new blood, to bring it into this century. I like that the place feels like an old gym from the 1930s or something, but it needs some help. I want to invest in it.”
I blinked in surprise and just stared at him. He cocked the eyebrow with the scar in it at me and kept going.
“Nash has a buddy with a garage. He does killer restoration projects but is pretty small-time. I’ve seen his work and met the guy a few times. I think I want to funnel some cash into his enterprise as well.”
I hissed out a whistle between my teeth. “Man, you weren’t kidding about a decent profit, were you, Boss?”
Rome grunted at me. “I also want to help Nash and Rule out if they do decide to expand and open a third shop somewhere. What I don’t want to do is sit on my ass anymore and wait on whatever it is that’s going to happen next to find me. I’m buying a house. I’m having another kid, and when all that’s said and done I’m marrying the most perfect girl in the world.”
I didn’t really think “perfect” and “Cora” went together in the same sentence, but to him she was absolutely the perfect choice and there was something to be said for feeling that way about the mother of your kids.
“Those are all good plans, Rome, and I gotta say I’m a little shocked you decided that being an entrepreneur and investor was your calling, but I can get behind you wanting to help out struggling businesses. That’s pretty noble of you.”
He gave me a hard look. “Second chances matter. You and I both know that.”
“They do.” I worked hard every day to make sure my second chance wasn’t wasted. I owed myself and the people that loved me at least that much.
“I want you to consider being my business partner. You do a good job here—fuck, a great job. You’re way better with people than I’ll ever be and I think you’re the only other person that can understand why I want to invest in the businesses I do.”
Well, shit. That was unexpected.
I scooted forward on the chair a little and raised my hand to rub vigorously at the back of my neck. Old shame and bitter regret surged to the surface and I had to try really hard to fight it back down.
“I don’t have that kind of money floating around, big guy.”
He paid me a fair salary and my cost of living was practically nil, but when you died on an operating table and they brought you back to life, it cost a fortune. With no insurance, that meant every extra cent I had went back to paying the medical bills that were astronomical. Ayden and Jet had offered to help, but as soon I settled into my job at the Bar, I refused to let them. It was the first time in my life I was actually owning up to the consequences of my actions.
His mouth quirked and he pushed off the desk so that he was on his feet. “So give me a hundred bucks. It’ll be the best money you ever spent.”
I swore at him and got to my feet. I still had to look up at him, but he seemed less imposing now that I wasn’t sitting down.
“Look, I appreciate the offer and I would jump at the chance, but I can’t, and I can’t let you give me a free pass like that.”
He opened his mouth to argue with me but I cut him off by putting a hand on his massive shoulder and shaking my head.
“I’ve always taken any shortcut I could find. When I didn’t get shit handed to me, I took it because I thought I was entitled to it. I can’t do that with you. Not after everything you’ve done for me, Rome. If I ever get in a place where I can legitimately buy my way into a partnership with you, and the offer is still there I’ll jump on board. Until then, you just let me know if you need help with anything. I can be your go-to guy.”
“You’ve been that since the first day you started work here.”
I cleared my throat as heavy gratitude pressed in on me from all directions. “Thanks for trusting me enough to even consider getting into some kind of business with me.”
He grunted and we both left the office. “You’ve never given me a reason not to trust you. I know there was ugly shit before, but that doesn’t have anything to do with now. I’ve had to learn to leave the past where it belongs or it really fucks up the good stuff happening in the here and now.”
We were both pretty solemn as we walked back into the front of the Bar. Brite was gone and Dixie was standing behind the bar watching Dash, who insisted we all just call him Church like Rome did, as he walked around straightening tables. Rome gave the cocktail waitress a one-armed hug and stuck his head in the kitchen to let Darcy know he was leaving. He also gave Church a fist bump as the other dark-skinned ex-military man walked up to the bar and then looked at me with lifted eyebrows as he turned to go. “Lemme know if you change your mind, Opie.”
“Will do.” The nickname was ridiculous. I was so far from being the innocent southern kid in overalls at the water hole it was laughable, but a drunk kid had once lobbed the name as an insult, and not surprisingly it stuck.
Since it was a Saturday night I ran through what we were looking at business-wise for the night and told both Dixie and Church that Rome wanted to look for some more staff. I told them if they had any recommendations to send them my way and then went into the kitchen to make sure Avett had at least showed up for her shift. She was standing by the big walk-in cooler and Darcy was in front of her.
The older woman had her daughter’s chin in her hand and was screaming at her, “I know goddamn well you did not trip and fall and give yourself that black eye, Avett.”
Avett’s gaze darted anywhere but at her infuriated mother and landed on me. I saw her bottom lip tremble and I frowned at her over the top of Darcy’s head.
“If he’s putting marks on you that other people can see, it’s only gonna get worse. Not only does that mean he doesn’t give a shit about you, it means he doesn’t give a shit that you actually have people that might not want to see you hurt. That’s dangerous. You should cut ties and run like a rabbit with its tail on fire.”
Avett’s swirly eyes narrowed at me and she jerked away from her mom. “You don’t know anything. Neither one of you do. Jared was drunk. It was an accident. Leave me alone or I’ll walk out and you won’t have anyone to work the busiest night of the week.”
She was shaking and I knew she didn’t believe her own words. I could see it as she bit the inside of her cheek. You had to be able to lie to yourself before you could lie expertly to other people. Avett wasn’t quite there yet, and maybe there was time to stop her before she got there. I was done playing babysitter; it was time to let the bad guy out and maybe he could get results where coddling this troubled girl had failed.
I told her flatly, “You walk out, you aren’t walking back in. I’m done playing your spoiled-brat games. You don’t wanna be here, well, guess what, I really fucking don’t want you here either, but I owe your dad and your mom is a good lady, so I endure working with you. This”—I waved a hand around the kitchen to encompass the dramatic scene I had interrupted—“is the threshold for my bullshit tolerance.” I made sure I looked at Darcy so she could see how dead serious I was before I walked back out of the kitchen.
It was a busy Saturday night even without a band, but all the patrons seemed to be on their best behavior. There was one little squabble among some girls, but as soon as they saw Church making his way over to where they were causing a ruckus, they quieted down and went immediately into flirt mode. I stayed busy until midnight, when a scraggly-looking dude walked in looking strung out and shifty. I had the sinking suspicion he was here for Avett. He totally looked like the kind of scumbag that had no issue hitting women or asking them to steal from work.
He stayed just inside the front door and was twitchy enough that Church hovered close by. I was getting ready to round the bar and ask him what his deal was when Avett came barreling out of the kitchen and rushed to the guy’s side. He scowled at her and shrugged her off, all while hauling her body out the front door. I saw Church’s eyebrows snap down in a fierce V, and without me saying anything, he followed the young couple into the parking lot. At least we could stop the idiot from pounding on her while she was at work. I made a mental note to mention something to Brite. He was the baddest of the bad and anything he would have to say to his daughter’s loser boyfriend would be far more effective and terrifying than anything I came up with.
“Can I have another lemon drop, please?”
My attention shifted back to the smiling lady that had been sitting at the bar since ten. She was a tad bit older, probably in her midforties, but she was a looker. I wasn’t sure how much was natural versus how much was man-made, but she had an amazing face and sleek blond hair, and a look in her dark eyes that let me know she would like me to serve her more than a martini. I thought it was funny since she was with a guy that looked younger than me and he was bending over backward to keep not only her attention but her obvious wealth focused on him. He was glaring at me every time she tried to engage me in conversation, so of course I had played it up all night.
I smiled back, made sure to flex when I shook her drink, and kissed the back of her fingers when she handed me a twenty for a tip. I laughed under my breath when the guy turned beet red and looked like he was going to explode. She was a classy-looking chick, but I wasn’t into being man-candy, so I took her money and fucked with her boy toy for my own amusement. They weren’t our normal type of customer and I wondered where in the world they had wandered in from. I was going to ask but got distracted by a blown keg I needed to change and by a couple that thought they could walk out on Dixie without paying their tab.
I was tired by the time the bar was shut down and Church was getting ready to walk Dixie to her car. They asked if I wanted them to wait for me but I needed a minute to decompress. I had so much stuff floating around in my head: Rome’s offer, Avett’s crappy boyfriend, where my life really was going, and of course Royal. I hadn’t seen her since the hospital, but she was back at work now, so maybe that was enough to have her acting right instead of acting out. I didn’t want her to be all tangled up in my mind and my confusion, but when I closed my eyes to go to bed at night, I still tasted her winter-cold lips against my own.
It was after three by the time I hit the lights and locked everything up. I drank a couple fingers of scotch while listening to the Raconteurs on the digital jukebox before hitting the back door, then I shrugged into my coat for the walk home. I was lucky it was close because I really didn’t love Colorado winter weather. How February managed to be so much colder than either December or January still amazed my inherently southern bones. With my hands in my pockets I put my head down against the bitter wind and started across the parking lot. A soft feminine voice dropping really ugly swearwords brought me up short.
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Jay Crownover
The sixth book in the scorching hot NEW YORK TIMES bestselling MARKED MEN New Adult seriesRoyal Hastings has been a cop, first and foremost, for most of her adult life. So when a call-out goes wrong and her partner ends up in hospital, she finds herself suspended from the job, indefinitely. With too much time on her hands and a heavy load of guilt weighing her down, she seeks solace in oblivion – otherwise known as a golden-eyed bartender with a rap sheet as long as her arm.Asa Cross has spent his live on the wrong side of the law, but a near death experience has left him rebuilding his life and relationships. But being good is tougher than it seems – especially when being bad looks as good as Royal does.On paper, the cop and the con seemed doomed to heartbreak – but when love has stolen your heart, how can you walk away?
JAY CROWNOVER
Published by HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
First published in Great Britain by Harper 2015
Copyright © Jennifer M Voorhees 2015
Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2015
Cover photographs © Andreas Jorns Photography/Haan Germany/Getty Images (woman, hair)
Jennifer M Voorhees asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Source ISBN: 9780007579099
Ebook Edition © April 2015 ISBN: 9780007579105
Version 2015-03-24
Dedicated to everyone living and experiencing this moment right now with me. This is for the readers, the book lovers, the bibliophiles, the word junkies … my peeps that understand nothing is better than a new book and the escape into a new story. I love that we get to share this world together and I am and always will be proud to be one of you.
Happiness, not in another place but this place … not for another hour, but this hour.
—Walt Whitman
You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.
—Henry David Thoreau
The first step toward getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.
—J. P. Morgan
Contents
Cover (#u8402ae5c-2c8c-5297-a7e8-36399961f8d6)
Title Page (#ub12fd177-890d-52db-bcb6-0ecd520c58f5)
Copyright (#u0dccc955-066f-5b2a-a3c4-fa018ad80466)
Dedication (#u4127e396-cbf8-5fc0-bb99-41be6ed39b16)
Epigraph (#u74802edd-affb-5c69-9ce2-9ba488dddd28)
INTRODUCTION (#u1ac5dc34-e758-56c0-90cc-c7735bfa4016)
CHAPTER 1: Asa (#u50d9c997-e3ad-556c-9375-8477f68a69a4)
CHAPTER 2: Royal (#u3b7aefcc-c6c5-5098-bc70-180abec69be2)
CHAPTER 3: Asa (#u50615053-216e-54d8-83d9-32006760beac)
CHAPTER 4: Royal (#u2be325d8-0c5e-5b30-b549-cf7215b991ec)
CHAPTER 5: Asa (#uceb8d731-e1cd-5e4f-a9da-c9cc44dc3ba3)
CHAPTER 6: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 7: Asa (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 8: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 9: Asa (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 10: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 11: Asa (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 12: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 13: Asa (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 14: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 15: Asa (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 16: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 17: Asa (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 18: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 19: Asa (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 20: Royal (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
Asa and Royal’s Playlist (#litres_trial_promo)
AUTHOR ACKNOWLEDGMENTS (#litres_trial_promo)
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS (#litres_trial_promo)
READ ON FOR MORE FROM JAY COWNOVER (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 1: Rule (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Author (#litres_trial_promo)
Also by Author (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
INTRODUCTION (#u77665a9c-ed97-5188-89cf-be9ccf3b371b)
We made it! The end. Oh, my word—or many, many words, to be more accurate—I don’t know how, but six books in and we’re finally here. It’s unbelievable and sort of fitting that Asa closes this particular circle. He wasn’t supposed to be part of the group—wasn’t supposed to be family—wasn’t supposed to get a book or an HEA, and yet fate had other plans for him. Sort of like it did for me. He had to fight to get where he belonged, and a couple of times along the way I’ve felt like I had to do that, too. I tell ya what: this southern boy undid me on a lot of levels, and not just because he’s closing the chapter on this series that forever changed my life.
It’s unbelievable to me when I think about the fact that Asa’s book will be number eight in a little over two years, and that’s just insane and superexciting. I never thought I’d have even one book published in my entire life! So the fact that we are all here at the end together is pretty damn amazing.
Initially, I had written a very different intro for this book. It was long and drawn out and outlined all the things I struggled with to get to this place where I am now … the end … and the beginning. It hasn’t always been a smooth journey for me, but I realized somewhere along the way that this wasn’t what I should be focusing on as we close this chapter together.
No, what I needed to focus on was this moment. This exact second, when I am able to say good-bye along with my readers, and when I hopefully entice them with me into starting the new series. I needed to be present in the here and now and not looking over my shoulder at all the would’ves and could’ves and should’ves … that’s something I struggle with on a daily basis. I sometimes forget I’m not the boss of the entire world and letting go of the want and need to control particular outcomes and situations is very hard for me.
But I’m doing it NOW.
Right now, I’m sitting here being overwhelmed with gratitude that I got to give each of these men and women a story. I’m overcome with emotion for the support and love my stories and ideas have found along the way. I am humbled by the amount of people that are willing to take a chance on me time and time again. And mostly I am filled to the brim with so much love for these books and the people that love them as much as I do that I can’t even stand it. Readers bring such joy and excitement into my life, and any struggle, any complaint, any gripe I have pales in comparison to that.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for letting me be here …
As always Love & Ink
Jay
CHAPTER 1 (#u77665a9c-ed97-5188-89cf-be9ccf3b371b)
Asa (#u77665a9c-ed97-5188-89cf-be9ccf3b371b)
Not too long ago when I watched a girl purposely get as drunk as this pretty one did, I would’ve moved in for the kill. I would have taken her home, taken her to bed, and not felt guilty at all about knowing that she was making choices without all her cylinders firing. I used to never let an easy opportunity pass me by, and I never felt bad that my actions weren’t exactly going to win me any awards for morality. I used to like it when things were handed to me with no effort on my part, and I liked it that when I walked away, I could always brush off any kind of responsibility for wrongdoing and put it on someone else. Accountability was a foreign thing, and back in the day I avoided it like I owed it money.
But times had changed and somewhere between dying on a hospital bed and coming back to life and seeing the last chance I had at any kind of normality flicker in and out of my little sister’s eyes, the barest hint of a conscience had woken up inside of me. Now, when I watched this very pretty drunk girl, obviously out of control, obviously looking for trouble, I wanted her to know how heavy an anchor regret could be. I still wanted to take her home and take her to bed, only I understood the connotation was different. Now that sliver of conscience was poking at me to do something I had never done and pretend that I was chivalrous and save her from herself.
No one would ever call me altruistic or considerate, but if I didn’t step in, the beautiful redhead was going to get herself into a whole world of hurt. I knew from firsthand experience that some hurt and some mistakes could weigh you down forever. Carrying the load was exhausting and she deserved better than that, even if at the moment she seemed to have forgotten it.
I wiped my hands on the bar towel that was hanging loosely from my belt in the back and lifted an eyebrow at my cocktail waitress, Dixie, who was watching the same show on the dance floor that I was, with wide eyes. It was a Saturday night, so the bar was pretty full and there was a live band playing on the tiny stage, but pretty much every pair of eyes in the place was trained on the way the redhead was moving across the dance floor. I knew I should have cut her off, she was a lightweight as it was, but her big, chocolate-colored eyes were so sad, so tormented, I had a hard time telling her no. Now that I could actually feel shit like empathy and compassion, I knew that I had overserved her, which led up to the virtual striptease that was now happening in the middle of the dance floor.
“You think all those guys trying to grind on her would flip out if they knew she’s more than likely armed?”
Dixie’s voice was laced with dry humor as she took the Jack and Coke I mixed for her order from me.
“When a girl is clearly intoxicated, looking for a good time, and just happens to look like her, a bullet isn’t very much of a deterrent. I’m gonna go pull her out of there. After you drop that off, will you watch the bar for a second?”
She lifted her own eyebrows back at me with a grin. “Are you sure you want to do that? That’s like a pack of jackals circling a fallen gazelle. It might get ugly if you go and ruin all the fun.”
The band that was the live entertainment for the night switched to a cover of Tom Petty’s “You Got Lucky,” and the girl in the center of the storm suddenly turned and locked her eyes on mine. Somewhere in the middle of all her bumping and grinding, she had lost her shirt, so all she had on was a skintight tank top that wasn’t doing much to cover her up. Her rich auburn hair had fallen out of its ponytail and was sticking to the sweat on her chest and neck, while her eye makeup was smeared under her dark eyes. Her chest was rising and falling from exertion as all her flawless, exposed skin gleamed with a sheen of perspiration. She looked like something out every wet dream any guy had ever had or a real-life Victoria’s Secret model using this no-name bar to strut her stuff instead of a catwalk. She was going to cause a riot, and I think somewhere under all the kamikazes fueling her blood at the moment she knew it. I could see it as she stared defiantly at me across the space that separated us.
“I’m okay with ugly; I’m not okay with her being in the middle of the carnage.” I shouldn’t care. Shouldn’t be concerned. The redhead was more than capable of taking care of herself, and like Dixie had mentioned, she was probably packing, but I couldn’t stop the surge of protectiveness that floated to the surface when a clumsy frat guy put his hands on her tiny waist and drew her back to his chest.
She didn’t struggle at first, her senses and reflexes obviously dampened by the steady stream of alcohol she had been swimming in all night.
Dixie left to deliver the drink and came back around the bar with a sigh. “I can’t wait until Rome hires his friend to hang around and do security stuff on the weekends. I love this place, I love my job, but watching you guys have to tangle with drunken hotheads all the time is getting old.”
I shrugged and moved past her so that I could go put a stop to the impending disaster. The redhead had finally gotten her sluggish wits in gear and was now actively struggling in the frat boy’s hold.
“It’s just part of the job.”
Though I had to admit that when the boss, Rome Archer, mentioned he had an old platoon buddy that was getting ready to come back home and was gonna need something to do until he got his feet under him, I was relieved that my time banging heads together when the crowd got rowdy on the weekends was going to come to an end. I had a criminal record. A long, colorful criminal record, and anytime I put my hands on another human being in any kind of violent way, I automatically saw pages and pages getting tacked onto it. Like so much from my life before I had died on that hospital table, it was something from my past that would always define me and hold me down.
Dixie called to me over the bar as I started to weave my way through the crowd: “You’re too pretty to put that face in front of a flying fist, Asa. Be careful.”
Frat Boy was holding his face while blood rushed out between his fingers as he covered his nose. The redhead was being held by two other guys, one with each wrist locked down as she glared at the group of men surrounding her. She was tall and in ridiculously good shape, but none of these inebriated guys would have any clue as to why. All they saw was a feisty girl that was wasted and had been enticing them all night long, whether it had been intentional or not. And of course, now that she had made one of them bleed, had unmanned him in front of an entire barful of spectators, it was clearly about to get nasty. It was one thing to get your ass handed to you by a girl. It was an entirely different thing to get your ass handed to you by a girl that looked like she should be walking a runway wearing fuck-me stilettos. It also didn’t help save face for the guy that she had on bright yellow pants that hugged her curves just right and breasts that it should be illegal to ever cover up.
In half of a heartbeat she was in the middle of a tug-of-war between the two guys holding her arms and I could see the anger building in the watery eyes of the guy whose nose she had probably broken.
I gave him a warning look. Dixie was right: I was pretty, too pretty to be as ugly as I was on the inside, but to counteract the deceptive beauty of my face, I was also big and had been in trouble since the day I took my first breath. So I generally had a way of letting an opponent know they were going to be on the losing end of a confrontation with me. The bleeder took a step back as I manhandled the guy closest to me off of the redhead’s arm. He grunted and swore at me, mostly because as soon as she was free and had enough leverage, she rammed her knee right into the guy’s unprotected balls, doubling him over.
I shook my head at her as she turned and sloppily swung at the remaining guy clutching her wrist.
“Royal. Knock it off.”
She ignored me as the band picked up a quick tempo cover of Shooter Jennings’s “A Hard Lesson to Learn,” and went into full-on attack mode.
Now, I fully believed there was nothing wrong with a woman defending herself against unwanted advances, and it was obvious she didn’t want this guy’s hands on her anymore. But this particular girl, this surprising young woman that just happened to look like a supermodel, was actually a member of the Denver police force, and I knew she could cause serious damage even in her less than sober state. I couldn’t allow that. Not just because the Bar would be liable, but also because I didn’t want her to do something that could ultimately end up costing her her job.
I reached around Royal and got my hand on the fingers locked on her wrist as she wiggled and swung wildly at her captor. Prying his fingers free was a task made even more difficult by the fact I kept having to duck to avoid an elbow in the face or the back of her fist on the backswing. She was quick and strong, something that the guy holding her finally realized as she landed a solid punch to one of his temples. He suddenly let go and stumbled back as I trapped her flailing arms to her sides and pulled her back to my chest. I bent just a little so I could whisper in her ear, “Calm down, Red.”
We both stared at the guy that had grabbed her, and I tried not to notice the way her really spectacular rack was rising and falling right above the arm I had locked across her rib cage. Even when I tried to help out, all those old instincts burned bright and hot right under the surface. I wanted to touch her in an entirely unhelpful way.
“She assaulted me.” He sounded like a disgruntled toddler that had lost his favorite toy to a bigger kid on the playground.
I nodded and made sure the hills of Kentucky were thick in my voice when I told him, “She sure did. But not until you put your hands on her.” Good-ol’-boy charm worked wonders to calm down a volatile situation. I think it made people think I didn’t have enough smarts to be any kind of real threat despite my size.
The band was still playing but I don’t think anyone was paying attention. Everyone was watching the chaos Royal had created unfold.
“She punched Bobby in the face and all he was trying to do was dance with her. She broke his nose.”
Again I nodded and tried not to think about the way that Royal’s absolutely perfect backside lined up just right with my fly. She turned her head just enough that I could see a hint of awareness and panic working through her dark gaze. Her tongue darted out to slick across her bottom lip and I had to remind myself I wasn’t a guy that took advantage of drunk girls anymore. At least I didn’t want to be that guy, but I never really figured I had much of a choice in the matter.
“Bobby needs to learn to ask if he wants a girl to dance with him. Look, everybody can just go to their separate corners, we can all forget this happened—”
I was cut off as he pointed at me and then narrowed his eyes at Royal. “I’m gonna call the cops.”
I felt Royal start to shake in my grasp. That was exactly the outcome I was trying to avoid. I lifted an eyebrow, shifted my hold on her so that she was behind me, and crossed my arms over my chest. I figured I looked a lot more intimidating not covered by a too-sexy-for-her-own-good redhead.
“You can do that, but it’s gonna shut the party down. The band is gonna have to stop, all these other folks in here are going to have to stop drinking, and it’s gonna make them mad since they had to pay a cover to get in and hear the music. Plus I’m gonna have to call the bar owner and let him know what’s going down, and that’s like waking Godzilla up from a nap.” I rubbed my thumb along the side of my mouth and gave him my best “country boy” smile. It had disarmed more than one person who was out for blood, usually mine, but I didn’t mind using it to prevent any of Royal’s from spilling. “Plus, between you and me, she has friends on the force.”
The other guy was trying to vet if I was serious or not, so I inclined my chin. “Her best friend is a cop. If you call the DPD, chances are they’re going to send him in since he knows this is where she likes to hang out, and then she’s going to tell him you and your buddies put your hands all over her without her permission and the cameras will back that up.” I pointed to one of the surveillance cameras Rome had installed all over the place. “You think that’s going to end well for you?”
He looked like he was considering how to answer when the lead singer of the band suddenly called out over the mic so that the entire bar had no choice but to listen: “You guys suck. Take your bleeding friend out of here and let everyone go back to having a good time.”
That rallied the rest of the bar-goers and suddenly a chant of “You suck!” went up and the grabby-hands bunch really had no choice but to leave. There was no way left for them to save face and they didn’t want to risk the chance that Royal did in fact know a cop.
They slunk toward the front door as I hauled Royal toward the bar and plopped her fine ass in a seat right in the middle, where I could keep an eye on her. I caged her in between my arms and leaned in close so that our noses were almost touching.
Through clenched teeth I told her, “Sit. Now I can either call Saint to come get you, or you can sit here, drink water, and eat something greasy and terrible until you sober up enough to get yourself home. Those are your only two options, Red.”
She blinked criminally long lashes at me and I could swear she looked like she was going to cry. I saw her gulp and she gave her head a little nod of agreement.
When she spoke it was only a hint of sound. “Don’t call Saint. I’ll wait it out.”
Saint was her closest girl friend, and also my friend Nash’s lady. She was a sweet and shy young woman that somehow managed to balance out all of Royal Hastings’s bold and brash attitude. They were an odd pair, but I knew Saint would drop whatever she was doing in a heartbeat to make sure Royal was taken care of. I didn’t blame Royal for not wanting her friend to have to come collect her in her current state. She was a mess. She was still beautiful, kind of wild and untamed looking, but under it all she was a disaster, courting trouble as well as danger and other bad things, which is what she had been actively doing for the last two weeks. This wasn’t the first disaster I had been forced to avert because of her antics, and the time had come to tell her it had to stop.
I pushed off the bar, walked around the open end, and glowered at Dixie as she smacked my ass on her way back to the floor.
“My hero.”
I grunted at her in response. I was not hero material. I fell more along the lines of arch-nemesis or supervillain. I poured Royal a glass of water in one of the giant beer steins I had behind the bar and thumped it down in front of her without a word. She jumped a little and I could see the regret and remorse starting to work its way into her face. A pink flush was blooming over the exposed crests of her cleavage and filling her cheeks.
I made my way across the entire length of the bar, stopping to refill a couple of drinks, closing a tab, clearing some empty plates until I got to the kitchen entrance that took up the entire back part of the bar. We typically only served food until midnight, but I knew Avett Walker, the new girl Rome had agreed to hire to work in the kitchen as a favor to an old friend, was still lurking somewhere around. I hadn’t seen her hot-pink hair dart out of the front door as soon as her shift ended like it normally did.
She was a mouthy little thing that had nothing but poison and attitude running in her veins as far as I could tell. She clearly didn’t want to be working here. Her mom, Darcy, was the kitchen manager and her father was the guy that had sold Rome the bar originally, but Avett didn’t seem to have any kind of fondness for the place. In fact she didn’t seem to have any kind of fondness for anything at all. She acted like coming to work each day was a prison sentence, which by default made me her jailer since I was her boss. We didn’t exactly get along. I think I saw too much of my old careless and thoughtless ways reflected back at me when I interacted with her.
I called Avett’s name, and when I didn’t get an answer I prowled through the empty kitchen until I got to the massive walk-in fridge. I didn’t have time to screw around, so I found some cheese, some bread, and some random pieces of fruit and figured that would have to do. I needed to shove something into Royal that would soak the booze up so I could tell her to get her head out of her ass and have the command stick.
I was kicking the door closed with the heel of my boot since my hands were full when the door to the beer cooler suddenly popped open and Avett came strolling out, fiddling with the zipper on her obviously stuffed-full messenger bag. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me, her eyes widening and then narrowing in defiance.
“What are you doing back here? The kitchen is closed.” Like she had any right to question where I went in this place. It was a diversionary tactic I knew all too well.
I just stared at her and didn’t say anything. I looked pointedly at her bag and then back up to her chilly hazel gaze.
“What’s in the bag?”
She shifted her weight, and there was no mistaking the sound of bottles clanking together. She was trying to smuggle beer out of the cooler. It figured. My night needed one more complicated female I had to straighten out to make it more of a headache.
“Nothing.” She went to move past me and the sound of bottles clanging together got even louder.
My hands were full, so I just moved my entire body into her path to stop her. Avett took after Darcy way more than Brite, her dad. Brite was a giant of a man with a beard that I was sure had folk songs written in its honor. Avett was petite and barely came up to the center of my chest, and she had to tilt her head back in order to keep glaring up at me. What she lacked in height, she sure as hell made up for in bad attitude.
“Put it back. Don’t do it again and this is the last you’ll hear about it.” When I was irritated, the South tended to be heavy and thick in my voice, and not in the same way it was when I used my drawl to get something I wanted or to make someone think I was nicer and stupider than I really was.
“Get out of my way, Asa.”
“No. You don’t get to steal from Rome. I don’t care what your beef with Brite is and I don’t care that you obviously would rather be out wrestling wild mountain lions than working here. I’m not letting you take advantage of Rome. He’s a good guy and he deserves better than that.”
We had a glare-off and for a second I thought she was going to try and step around me knowing my hands were occupied, but I think there was some kind of invisible thread, some kind of aura that we shared that made her instinctively know that she could get away, but not for very long.
She huffed out a breath that sent her pink bangs dancing across her forehead. She would be a really cute girl if she wasn’t such a pain in the ass and practically a decade younger than me. She was just a kid really and she sure as shit acted like it.
“I’m going to a party and I don’t have any money for beer. I didn’t think it would be a big deal to take a twelve-pack from the cooler. After all, my dad practically handed this bar over to the soldier for free. A few beers seems like a fair trade.”
I rolled my eyes. “It wouldn’t be a big deal. You know that Rome wouldn’t care if you asked him. But walking around like you’re owed something for some unknown reason isn’t all right with me, and I’m not going to let you do it.” I furrowed my eyebrows at her and shifted my weight. “How can you be broke? You just got paid on Friday.” Since she worked in the kitchen, I knew Rome paid her an hourly wage. It wasn’t enough to retire on but it was enough that it shouldn’t be gone in less than twenty-four hours unless she was up to no good.
Instead of answering me, she whirled around and went to put the beers back in the cooler. I waited until she came back out, and made her lead the way out of the kitchen back to the bar. I had been gone long enough that the band was done with their set and that meant a crowd had gathered and Dixie was standing behind the bar trying to catch orders up. I nudged Avett with my elbow and deposited my haul into her hands. I pointed to Royal, who was sitting stoic in the middle of the rush, her head bent down and her gaze locked on the bar top.
“Feed the redhead. Make sure she eats it, and if I ever catch you trying to steal again you’re out of here. I don’t care what I promised Brite or how much it would break Darcy’s heart.”
She gave me a baleful look and muttered just loud enough that I could hear it, “Funny coming from you.”
She wasn’t wrong. It was ridiculous coming from me, so I ignored her and dove into the mess of trying to sort the rush out. It was only half an hour until last call, so it proved to be a little trickier than usual. The weekends at the Bar were getting busy enough since Rome’s remodel that I thought maybe I was going to have to ask him about hiring another server as well as a bouncer. Business was good, and in order to keep it that way we needed to make sure the crowds got service just as good as the battered old veterans that littered the place during the daytime hours.
I tried to keep an eye on Royal. I was worried she was going to try and leave before I could talk to her and before I could judge if she was sober enough to drive, but she was in the same spot, head bent down, eyes focused on the bar, and her water was gone. She had also put a good-sized dent in the food in front of her, so that made me breathe a little easier. She was abnormally quiet and I wished I had thought to grab her shirt for her when I pulled her out of the crowd earlier. She looked rumpled, like she had just climbed out of bed, and that wasn’t doing a thing to help me remember why I needed to get her out of the tailspin she had been in ever since the week before Christmas.
I got last call done. I paid the band and thanked the lead singer for helping me out with the frat kids, and he in turn asked me if I thought Royal would be interested in going on the road with them as a backup dancer. I had to laugh and broke the news to him that she already had a full-time job. I didn’t bother explaining what it was because I doubted he would believe me anyway. I helped Dixie clear the floor, and when we started to move people toward the front doors, I stopped next to Royal’s side and told her, “Hang out for a minute.”
She didn’t respond but she pushed some of her hair out her face, tucked it behind her ear, and looked at me out of the corner of her eye.
I took that as silent assent and helped Dixie get everyone outside and gave her a hand putting all the chairs up so that the cleaning crew Rome hired could spit-shine the place before we opened again tomorrow. Dixie and I had a system since we did this together six nights a week, so it was work that went by pretty quickly. When I was done I went behind the bar, poured myself a Dalwhinnie on the rocks, and took myself and my drink back around the other side of the bar so I could sit on a stool next to Royal. Everyone teased me that I should drink bourbon or whiskey, being as I was from Kentucky, but I preferred the smooth and dirty taste of scotch. It sort of fit since I was both those things myself.
I took a swig of the drink and set it down with a thunk on the bar. I ran my hand through my dirty-blond hair and looked at Royal out of the corner of my eye.
“So this is what you do now? Get drunk, rile up the natives, take half your clothes off in public, and just generally act the fool? ’Cause I gotta tell you, after two weekends in a row of it, I think it’s probably time you find another bar to haunt.”
I saw her shoulders slump and she matched my side-eye look.
“Why didn’t you tell those guys I was a cop?”
I sighed and turned to face her. I really wished she wasn’t such a looker. It made trying to be level-headed and rational around her that much harder.
“Because even though you can carry concealed legally because of your badge, you still can’t be drinking while carrying a loaded weapon. That’s illegal and a headache you really don’t need.”
“All of a sudden you’re concerned with others being law-abiding.” A little bit of her sass was coming back and that was a nice change from her maudlin moping that had settled around her since I pulled her off the dance floor.
“No. I don’t give a flying fuck about others being law-abiding, but you’ve got a job you like, friends that care about you, and you’re way too young to be flushing it all down the toilet. Even if that seems to be your new mission in life. You need to get your shit together, Royal, before you’re too far gone to fix the mess you seem so eager to make.” She was barely twenty-three. That seemed a lifetime younger than me, even though I had a couple more years ahead of me before I hit the big three-oh.
“That’s funny coming from you.”
Second time I had heard that in less than an hour. Maybe I just needed to keep my nose out of it and let everyone learn their own hard lessons just like I had been forced to do. I picked up my drink and took another slug.
“Get it together or don’t, but this is the final warning about bringing that nonsense into my bar. You want to go down in flames, I guess that’s your call, but I’m not going to watch you burn.”
Something flashed across her eyes, something so sad and lost it really made me want to reach out and comfort her, but touching Royal was like touching a live wire and I already had a hard enough time keeping my mind out of my pants and my hands to myself when I was around her. She blinked those long-ass lashes at me, stuck her tongue out to flick it across her bottom lip, and I forgot how to breathe for a second. She did it on purpose. I had no doubt.
“One of these days you’ll come home with me when I ask, Asa.” She leaned over on the bar stool a little and put her hand on my thigh. My fingers tightened around the tumbler in my hand so hard I was shocked the glass didn’t break.
“Is that why you’re here? Is that what the show is all about? You really want to make that kind of mistake?” My drawl was thick enough that the words were languid and heavy sounding. I felt blood start to race under my skin and I had no doubt that my eyes were probably glowing bright gold in my face. It wasn’t often someone made me uneasy, threw me off my game, but Royal had done it more than once in our short acquaintance.
She pressed her weight forward and stopped when her mouth was just a fraction away from mine. I could almost taste her. In fact, if I stuck out just the tip of my tongue, I would be tasting her. I clenched my teeth to stop that from happening, even though I was pretty sure she would taste like candy and fire.
“It seems like all I make anymore are mistakes. At least making that kind of one with you would be fun.”
She used her leverage on my leg to push herself upright as she slithered off the bar stool in one seamlessly sexy move. It made me bite back a groan.
“If you don’t want me here, I won’t come back.” She tossed her heavy hair over her shoulder and gave me a steady look out of her dark brown eyes. “I really thought you would make this easier.”
I didn’t say anything as she walked away, steady on those killer shoes and missing her shirt even though it was winter in Colorado. She was obviously sober enough to drive, but I had no idea where her head was at otherwise.
Dixie locked the door behind the redhead and wandered over to the bar. She grabbed herself a bottle of Bud Light, which of course was sacrilegious in this Coors Light–dominated bar, and refilled my scotch.
“I don’t know how you’ve managed to turn her down more than once.” She shook her own strawberry-blond curls and grinned at me. “I’m not even into chicks and I think I would do her if she asked. She’s pretty amazing.”
I muttered a few swearwords under my breath and tossed the second round back in one swallow. It burned a little and I had to blink.
“She’s a cop, a cop that has arrested me. I have better self-preservation instincts than that.” In my experience, cops were not my biggest fans, and I really couldn’t blame them. I set the empty glass down on the bar and climbed to my feet. It was late and I needed a hundred cold showers. “Besides, she doesn’t actually wanna fuck, she just thinks she does.”
Dixie snorted. “That’s not what it looks like to me.”
It might look pretty cut-and-dried from the outside. Royal was pretty, I was pretty, and we definitely had a spark, but I hadn’t lasted as long as I had screwing over everyone whose path I crossed without learning how to look deeper, how to see the danger looming, and it was obvious to me that Royal was dangerous in more ways than one.
“That’s a very pretty girl with a very ugly hurt, and somehow she got it in her head that she deserves to be punished, to hurt even more.”
“So she’s trying to drag you to bed to punish her? That sounds kinky and fun.”
I tossed my bar towel at her and pushed up from the bar so I could do the nightly cash-out and go home. Now the idea of Royal in her handcuffs and nothing else was going to be running around in my head for the rest of the night. Like she needed any help being unforgettable.
“She feels bad and she’s doing everything in her power to make herself feel worse.” I didn’t know all the details of what had started Royal’s recent decline, but I did know her partner on the force, who really was her best friend and had been for most of her life, had been injured pretty badly in the line of duty and that Royal was currently on administrative leave while the department investigated the circumstances that had led to two cops being shot. One of the officers hadn’t made it and the other was still in the hospital. The other being Dominic, Royal’s partner. “I’m not looking to be any part of that.”
I had used enough people in my life, even those that loved me unconditionally, to know what being a means to an end for someone else looked like. I wasn’t going to help Royal self-destruct.
Dixie gave me a soft little grin that reminded me that even though she was tough as nails when she needed to be, she was really a romantic sweetheart at her center.
“Maybe you should give it a shot and you could make her feel better, and maybe she could make you finally see that you have changed over the last year or so.”
I just gave my head a shake and told her flatly, “That’s not what I do.” Nope; I destroyed things not repaired them.
I never lied about the man I had been for most of my life or the things I had done. There were so many kinds of really ugly, twisted, and dark things I was capable of and yet everyone that knew me now seemed to be under the impression that I had undergone some kind of transformation after coming out of the coma I had been in after I died and came back. The truth of the matter was I was never going to be a good guy. I was never going to be the type of man that made things better. Regardless of what anyone wanted to believe or how desperately it seemed Royal needed someone to wade in and pull her out of the mire, I wasn’t made to be a hero or a savior. I was already so far under the thumb of the specters of my past mistakes there was no way I could pull anyone else to safety.
The old saying was true, a leopard never changed its spots; and just like the lurking jungle cat, I was a predator through and through even if others wanted to think I had somehow become a house cat.
CHAPTER 2 (#u77665a9c-ed97-5188-89cf-be9ccf3b371b)
Royal (#u77665a9c-ed97-5188-89cf-be9ccf3b371b)
When my phone, which I had left lying right next to my head the night before, went off the next afternoon shrieking Britney Spears’s “Toxic,” I almost rolled out of bed onto the floor in my haste to turn it off. I felt terrible. Partly because I was hardly sleeping anymore, so slipping into a restless catnap in the middle of the day was all that was sustaining me, but mostly because the number on the phone was the one I had been waiting for week after agonizing week to show up.
I silenced the bubblegum-pop song with a swipe of my finger across the screen and tried to sound more alert than I actually was when I gasped out a shaky greeting. I didn’t care what anyone thought of my awful taste in music. I slummed in the gutter all day long. I tangled with junkies, and wife beaters, and parents that neglected their kids every single day. I refused to listen to anything that wasn’t upbeat and full of infectious pop. My job wasn’t always fun, so I tried really hard to make sure the rest of the things in my life were.
“You do know I’m busting out of here today, right?”
I shoved a tangled hank of dark red hair out of my face and scrambled up to the edge of my bed. I chomped down on my bottom lip and tried to regulate my breathing. Of course I knew he was getting out of the hospital today. What I hadn’t known was if he was going to want me anywhere around him when he finally got the green light to go home. I squeezed my eyes shut and was so grateful that we weren’t face-to-face. Dominic Voss knew me better than any living soul on this planet, and if we were in the same room he would be able to feel the guilt and self-loathing I had been drowning in lately. Hell, if my current state of distress was apparent to someone as disconnected as Asa Cross, there was no way my best friend and partner could miss it. Dom being Dom, he would know it all came from what had happened to him on that callout from hell.
“I know. I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to come or not. I know your sisters are coming to stay with you until you get back on your feet and I didn’t want to get in the way.”
I sounded pathetic and ridiculous to my own ears.
Dom and I had been inseparable since we were five years old. There had never been a time when he didn’t want me around. There had never been a single moment in our friendship where I was ever in his way, and his entire family thought of me as one of their own. I think that made what had happened weigh even more heavily on my shoulders.
I heard Dom sigh and then he swore. His deep voice sounded strained as he gently scolded me. “Get your cute ass here, Royal. I’ve let you sulk for two goddamn weeks. Get over it. Shit happens and it’s gonna keep happening because that’s what being a cop is about. I’m in a fucking cast from my ankle to my junk. I have a broken shoulder and I can’t breathe without it feeling like I’m drinking acid. I look and feel like hammered dog shit, and my best friend hasn’t been around for any of it. Can you maybe knock it off now?” I couldn’t stop the tears that were starting to leak out of my eyes. I used a knuckle to swipe at them as I climbed to my feet. His next words stabbed through me like I was sure he intended for them to do. “I need you here, girly.”
We had always needed each other, both in our day-to-day lives and on the job. That was why I felt so bad. It was why I couldn’t get my head around how badly I had let him down. I was supposed to have his back like he had always had mine, and instead I had almost gotten him killed.
“I’m on my way.”
I hung up the phone after he barked at me that it was about time, and rushed around my apartment trying to make myself look presentable. After a hard night of drinking I never exactly looked great, but throw in a sleepless night and yet another rejection from an outrageously sexy, southern bartender and I probably could match Dom in the looking-like-crap department. I had dark shadows under each eye, I was way paler than normal, fine red veins threaded through the white in each eye, and I had really ugly bruises surrounding each of my wrists, which made shame and regret battle the guilt for the top spot in the flood of emotions I was choking on.
I knew better, I really did. I wasn’t the type to go out and lose control. I rarely drank, and when I did I always acted responsibly because I had a big picture to think about. Only lately that big picture had narrowed to tunnel vision and all I could see was Dom getting hit by bullet after bullet and falling over the edge of the fire escape on the side of the building. When I wasn’t seeing that, I was seeing the wife of the officer that hadn’t survived the shootout collapsing in the hall of the ER as another officer told her that her husband hadn’t made it. If that wasn’t enough to eat at my soul, the memory of my lieutenant telling me I had to turn in my gun and badge and go on administrative leave while the department conducted an investigation danced around in my head every second of every day.
In order to shake some of those awful thoughts loose, I was determined to do things I never did, things that made me feel free, so that’s why I was hanging out at the Bar. That’s why I was drinking like a fish, and really that was why I was unabashedly throwing myself at Asa Cross. I had never had to chase a guy. I had never been interested in the kind of guy that oozed charm and trouble the way Asa did. And I most definitely had never been one to mix business and pleasure. I knew Asa was bad news, barely tiptoeing on the right side of the law, and it was a firm rule that I never got involved with anyone that had been in the back of a police cruiser. Well, Asa had not only been in the back of my cruiser, but he had also been in and out of jail since before he was old enough to drive. The guy liked to make up his own rules and he didn’t have a very pretty past. Cops shouldn’t be romantically interested in criminals, even reformed criminals. But I was. In fact I was more than interested, but every time I made a move on him and he turned me down, it made me wonder if he could see the failure that was haunting me. I wondered if that was why he kept saying no.
I mean, I knew what I looked like. I knew that when we stared at each other there was interest and attraction glinting dark in his bronze eyes, and I knew he was the kind of guy that liked a sure thing. I was a sure thing. I needed something that felt good. I was searching desperately for something that would help me forget, even if it was for only a second, and I wasn’t afraid to admit that I wanted him. I made it so easy for him to say yes and yet he kept turning the other way. I didn’t understand it, so it only made me feel even more lost and adrift than I already did.
If he really wanted me to find another bar, I would. I only went to the dive he worked at because I wanted him to take me home. I wanted him to pull me across the bar and kiss away all the hurt and ugliness that was filling me up. I knew I was going about it the wrong way, knew that a guy like Asa had no use for someone that enforced the law and tried to keep the peace. Plus it was a long shot considering I had been forced by circumstance to arrest him for assault not too long ago. Asa might think I was pretty, and he might be trying to save me from myself since we had mutual friends, but I seriously doubted he was ever going to be able to look at me the same way I looked at him after I had snapped cuffs around his wrists and dragged him to the police station.
I pulled my hair into a messy ponytail, shoved my feet into a pair of battered motorcycle boots, and hit the front door. I was about to slam it closed behind me when I remembered to grab my keys. I was forever locking myself out of places—my car, my apartment, and even my patrol car on several occasions. It was a bad habit that was a pain in the ass for more than just me, but I couldn’t seem to shake it even after a mishap had almost led to the breakup of my neighbor and his lovely girlfriend.
I dashed back inside, frazzled and frustrated. I scooped the keys up off the spot they lived in by the door and rushed back out. This time the hallway wasn’t empty, and the neighbor’s girlfriend, who also happened to be my one and only female friend on the planet, was exiting their apartment across the hall. Saint was a sweetheart. Soft-spoken and serene, she just had something about her that had instantly called out to me. It was like the chaotic pace and often dangerous parts of my day-to-day died down and mellowed out when I was around her. I had forced her to be my friend even though she had fought me and the friendship at first. Now she was almost as close to me as Dom was, and just as concerned about my recent behavior.
She was dressed in scrubs under her heavy winter coat, so obviously she was on her way to work at the hospital where she was an ER nurse. Her coppery hair, which was several shades more orange in color than mine, was piled on her head in a messy bun and her face was scrubbed clean. Saint was a doll and could work the whole fresh-faced-girl-next-door thing. Unfortunately I wasn’t lucky enough to be able to rock the less-is-more look successfully, so the darkness under my eyes told the entire story of my wild night without me uttering a single word.
“Dom’s getting out of the hospital today,” I told her in a rush.
She blinked her soft gray eyes at me and the corner of her mouth tilted in a half smile.
“I know. I’ve been checking up on him.”
I sighed. Of course she had, because she was an awesome friend.
“Thank you.”
She nodded slightly and we silently headed for the front door of the converted Victorian we lived in.
“He asked about you every time I stopped by his room.”
I gulped a little. Not because she was passing judgment or being mean, but because we both knew I should have been by the hospital to see him. I squeezed my keys in my hand so hard the metal dug into my skin deep enough that it hurt.
“I just couldn’t. I stayed until they came out and told us that he was stable after surgery, but it was too much.” I shook my head and shivered as the frigid Denver air snaked down the collar of the hoodie I had thrown on. The reason Dom was in the hospital for so long wasn’t the shattered ankle and broken femur but because one of the bullets that had hit him had sliced clean through one of his kidneys. He had almost bled to death before making it to the hospital. “His mom was there watching me without saying a word. I could see her wondering how I had let Dom get hurt. I could see his sisters thinking, ‘Why Dom and not her?’ I knew I was going to have a breakdown and I didn’t want to do it where anyone could see.”
She reached out and squeezed my elbow. “No one blames you for anything, Royal. That is not what Dominic’s family was thinking and you know it.”
Dammit. When had she started to see me so clearly? This is why having friends was hard for me.
“I blame me, Saint.”
She sighed and let go of my arm. “That’s what I figured, but eventually you’ll have to get over that. How’s the investigation going?”
That was a topic I wanted to talk about almost as little as I wanted to talk about how Dom had ended up in his current, broken state.
“It’s going. Internal investigations are always complicated when there’s an officer death involved.” And it was complicated because I was actively avoiding all the things I was supposed to be doing to help myself out. There had been other officers on the scene. There were witnesses from the neighborhood. Dom had given his statement and so had the partner of the officer that hadn’t made it. All the stories matched and laid out the facts that I had done nothing wrong, that there was no fault on my part, and that the kid I had been forced to shoot was going to keep pulling the trigger until everyone in a uniform was out of his way, but I didn’t feel cleared. I felt dirty and unqualified. Not because I had pulled the trigger, but because I had pulled it too late.
“I’m sure everything will work out for you in the end. Is the department making you talk to someone? That’s a pretty intense situation to work through on your own.”
Saint was big on processing feelings. I think that’s why she was so good in the crisis situations she handled every day. She powered through all the tragedy and stress while she was at work, compartmentalized it all, then came home and let it all out so it never had the chance to fill her up and take her over. I wasn’t that great at letting it all go. In fact, as of late, I was holding on to everything that affected me on the streets in a death grip. I guess I thought if I held on to it, no one else would have to deal with the yuck of it all.
“I’m supposed to go tomorrow.” Supposed to being the key. If I could find any excuse to skip hearing a shrink tell me I was just suffering from survivor’s guilt, I was going to latch on to it. I had screwed up. I knew it and I didn’t need anyone to lead me to that conclusion, but if I wanted back on the job I was going to have to bite the bullet and force myself to go lie on some stiff leather couch and get my head shrunk.
Saint stopped when we got to my 4Runner and tilted her head as she regarded me solemnly. I stared back at her because I valued her and the honest friendship she offered too much to just dismiss her concern.
“Go. Listen to what the psychologist has to say. You don’t have to go through whatever this is alone, Royal.”
She reached out and gave me a one-armed hug, which I returned stiffly. Whatever this was, it was clearly not only affecting me at this point.
When we pulled apart I gave her a lopsided grin and told her, “I tried to get Asa to go home with me again last night.”
She lifted one of her rust-colored eyebrows at me. “Again?”
I wrinkled up my nose and pulled open the door to my old SUV. “He keeps telling me he’s not interested. Maybe he just doesn’t like me.”
She gave a delicate snort and moved to zip up her coat as the wind picked up and turned the winter air into something hovering on the edge of unbearable.
“Of course he likes you. Maybe he can just tell that you don’t like you very much right now.”
I scowled at her but didn’t argue. I didn’t like myself so much at the moment. I lifted up the sleeve of the hoodie on one arm and showed her my wrist, which made her gasp in shock. “I had too much to drink and got myself into something I shouldn’t have. Asa pulled me out of it and then took care of me until I was sober enough to get myself home.”
“Nash says even with all the stuff from his past, Asa really is a pretty decent guy.” Saint sounded unsure of the truth in that though.
I just shrugged and turned on the car. It was freezing and the motor took forever to heat up enough to do any good.
“Decent is boring if it means I can’t even get to first base with him.” I sounded petulant and frustrated, which made her shake her head at me.
“I think you’re looking for trouble on purpose.”
Her warning fell on deaf ears. I was looking for trouble, but trouble wouldn’t look back, so it was a moot point anyway.
“I’m looking for something, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”
“No, there’s not, but when you have your shield back and you’re in uniform again the game changes, Royal. You might want to consider that.”
I didn’t want to think that far ahead. I didn’t want to think about any of it at all. I grumbled under my breath as Saint took a step back so I could close the door.
“I’ll call you Monday after I talk to the shrink, if I do, and I’ll tell Dom you said hello.”
“Dominic loves you no matter what, you know.”
I nodded, and for the second time that afternoon I felt tears well up in my eyes. “That’s what makes all of this so much worse. I’ll talk to you later.”
She gave a little wave and headed over to her own little Jetta that would heat up and defrost a million times faster than my old tank. I could afford something newer and sleeker but the 4Runner had been with me since I was a teenager and there were so many good memories tied to it I couldn’t stomach the idea of letting it go.
Dom did love me and I loved him. He was everything to me. He was my guiding light, my voice of reason, Dom was without a doubt my hero, and more than that he was the one that always was there to remind me that I had a purpose beyond being a pretty face. If it hadn’t been for Dom, there was a good chance I would have bought into my own hype early on when it became clear that the genetic gods had been giving with both hands when it came to my physical attributes. Dom was always the one that reminded me I was worth so much more than being a piece of arm candy or mindless fluff. I was smart, I was capable, and I wanted to make a difference. If I hadn’t had Dom to believe in me, to push me, I never would have reached the goals I set for myself. If it wasn’t for Dom reminding me of my worth, there was a good chance I could have ended up just like my mother.
The very thought made me shiver.
I loved my mom, I really did, but I had zero patience for her deplorable choices and the way she burned through men like it was a competitive sport. My mom had always been more like a best friend than a parent. She loved me unconditionally, I was her whole world, but I wasn’t enough to fill up the hole that was left when my father didn’t leave his wife to be a family with us. My mom never got over the rejection, and as a result was constantly chasing down true love and looking for validation from men in all the wrong places.
My mother was a stunner, so I came by my good looks naturally. She was also an habitual adulterer and had been through so many marriages and relationships that I stopped counting before I got out of my teens. When I was younger I thought it was embarrassing and it made me uncomfortable. As I got older I realized she simply wasn’t happy, had never been happy, and as much as she loved me and doted on me, I was never going to be enough to fill the void she had in her heart. I learned to accept the relationship we had, not ask questions, and just tried to support her like she had always supported me. Even if the majority of her decisions when it came to the opposite sex made me squirm in my seat, I loved the mom I had, every flighty, flirty inch of her.
It was because of Dom and not my mother that I excelled. I strove for greatness and I had reached every goal I had ever set for myself. And now, because of me, he was laid up, full of holes and broken. It was absolutely unfair to him and I had no clue how I was supposed to ever make it up to him.
The hospital parking lot felt like it was a million miles wide as I trudged across it in the cold. By the time I hit the sliding doors my fingers were numb and my uncovered ears were burning from the wind. I felt like an idiot because I didn’t even know what floor Dom was on or what room he was in. Some best friend I turned out to be. Shame settled heavy and thick on my shoulders and I really had to fight the urge to turn around and go back home and bury my head under the covers.
The person at the reception desk found Dom’s information for me and I took the elevator up to the correct floor. I didn’t have to worry about finding his room because both of his sisters were lingering in the hallway as if they were waiting specifically for me.
All the Vosses had beautiful dark hair and eyes in various shades of green. Ariella was the youngest of the three siblings and she was a firecracker. Greer, the oldest and the most reserved of the group, snatched me up in a hug that shocked me into stillness as soon as I reached them.
“We’ve been so worried about you. You haven’t called or shown your face. No one knew what happened to you or how you were handling the investigation. I thought Ari was going to have to sit on Dom to keep him in that hospital bed after the first week when you were a no-show.”
I groaned and hugged her back. I couldn’t believe how selfish and thoughtless I was behaving.
“I just …” I trailed off as Ari rolled her eyes at me.
“You were being an asshole.”
Greer snapped her sister’s name, but I squeezed her hand and nodded at Ari. “I was. I’ve never let Dom down before and I was having a hard time with it.” Was implied I had moved past it, but they didn’t need to know that was a big fat lie.
Ari gave me a hard look but inclined her head toward the open door a few steps down the hallway. “He’s been waiting to see you for forever. We’re going run to his apartment and make sure it’s all ready for him. He’s gonna be wheelchair-bound for the next three or four weeks. Greer and I are going to alternate weeks with him until he’s okay to be on his own.”
I blinked dumbly. Dom was a big hunk of beefcake. He was tall and powerful, in amazing shape, and had always been the most capable man I had ever known. The idea of him in a wheelchair and needing help with day-to-day living made the cement block that lived in my guts now get five times heavier.
“I can help. Just let me know what you need.” I sounded kind of strangled and strained to my own ears.
“You’ll be back to work soon. Ari and I got it. Besides it’s payback for all the times he took care of us growing up.”
Dom’s dad had been on the job when they were growing up. He was a patrol cop until a confrontation with an armed robber had gone awry and the Vosses had suddenly found themselves burying the patriarch of the family well before his time. Dom had instantly stepped in to fill his old man’s shoes like any good son was bound to do. The fact that he had taken it as far as going into law enforcement just like his dad was still a sore spot for his mom.
I cleared my throat and fought the urge to fiddle with my hair nervously. “Dom has always taken care of me, too.”
Greer sighed, grabbed my shoulders, and turned me so I was facing the room.
“Right, he has, and we both know what he wants is for you to go back to work. He’s not going to be able to for Lord knows how long, so he’s going to have to live vicariously through you for a while, Royal. What he’s always wanted for you is for you to live up to your full potential. Don’t let this knock you down after how hard you’ve worked to build yourself up.”
If only it was that easy. I inhaled deeply and took the step I had been avoiding for two weeks.
He was propped up in the bed, dark hair mussed all over his head. His green eyes were locked on the doorway, obviously watching for me. His big body was all wrapped up in plaster and bandages. His handsome face was dark with irritation and a scruff of beard that was pretty impressive. He looked terrible and wonderful all at the same time. I was so lucky that he was still alive and I wasn’t the one having to tell his family that they had lost another person they loved to the job.
I couldn’t help it, the waterworks started up. I really wasn’t much of a crier, but something inside of me was wrong, off, or not working right. The tears leaked out and Dom reached out his uninjured arm slowly, the small movement obviously hurting him.
I bolted to the side of the bed and let him tug me softly to his side. I felt his lips touch the top of my head and his broad chest rumbled as he told me, “’Bout damn time.”
All I could do was whisper back, “I know.”
I should have been here all along, or even more accurately, I should have been the one lying in this hospital bed all along. How was Dom ever going to forgive me if I knew there was never going to be a time when I could forgive myself?
CHAPTER 3 (#u77665a9c-ed97-5188-89cf-be9ccf3b371b)
Asa (#u77665a9c-ed97-5188-89cf-be9ccf3b371b)
The following weekend came and went without any kind of incident. I wasn’t sure if that was because Royal had taken my warning to heart and stayed home, or because Rome’s friend Dashel—Dash—Churchill was officially on the payroll. There was no way anyone would be stupid enough to tangle with the massive wall of muscle that hardly spoke but glowered like a pro. The guy’s scowl was enough to shut down even the slightest bit of misbehavior, and while the break in having to be the bad guy was nice, I was worried the guy’s dark and brooding demeanor could scare off potential customers.
Rome was fairly hulking, and on the quiet side as well, but there was something about this other ex-soldier that indicated, loud and clear, that at some point in time not too long ago, the man had been a stone-cold killer and was not to be messed with. Even Dixie, who could get along with anyone and everyone, was giving the new recruit a wide berth, even if she was also giving the brute an interested side eye when she thought he wasn’t paying attention. All the ladies in the bar seemed to think the caramel-skinned behemoth with his mixed ancestry and impenetrable dark gaze was easy on the eyes—not that he seemed to give a rat’s ass about the female attention.
It was slow for a Monday night, so I had sent both of them home early and let Avett close down the kitchen. There was no sense in paying them to hang around when there was only one person at the bar. I knew Zeb Fuller pretty well. He was friends with my brother-in-law and the rest of the crew I spent most of my time with, and he was a regular at the Bar. He was another beast of a man that emanated a whole lot of don’t-fuck-with-me. It must be something about the clean mountain air that allowed the men in the state to grow into giants. I wasn’t small by any stretch of the imagination, but more often than not, I found myself eye to eye or having to look up at most of the guys that made up my social circle. It was just one more incentive to keep my ass in line. There were way too many guys around that were very capable of kicking my ass six ways to Sunday if I screwed up again.
Zeb had a pensive look on his face and was absently stroking his beard. Since moving to Denver, I had learned quickly that the three B’s ruled all—beards, beer, and babes. The mile-high had a plethora of all those things, and when in doubt a conversation could always be started by picking one of the holy trinity. In a pinch, the Broncos always worked as a substitute B as well. Zeb had the beard, he didn’t drink beer, and I knew, since he was at the Bar spilling his guts all the time, that his current babe situation was stuck in neutral because the girl he was hung up on seemed clueless to how he felt about her. She was also the older sister of one of his best friends, Rowdy, who wasn’t exactly thrilled with Zeb’s interest in his sibling.
I was finishing wiping down the bar and restocking the cooler while Zeb sulked into his almost empty glass of Jack and Coke. I never thought I would be the guy that others went to with their problems. I wasn’t exactly sympathetic or patient with things that I thought were obvious, but ever since I stepped foot behind that bar, I felt more like a therapist than a drink slinger. What was even more shocking was that I liked it. I liked being able to see the situation from the outside and point out things from my own unique perspective. After all, I had screwed up enough for an entire army of people, so I figured I might as well put those hard lessons learned to good use.
“Why don’t you just ask her out on a date?” I tossed the bar towel onto the dirty-rag pile and picked up the remote to turn off the TVs. I was going to shut it all down at midnight since Zeb was the only customer and I knew enough to know he just wanted to talk, not to drink.
He looked up at me and frowned. “You’ve met Sayer. Does she strike you as the type to go on a date with a guy like me?”
Sayer Cole was a bit of a mystery. She was a lawyer, beautiful in a really elegant and refined way, and she had surprised our little group of misfits by coming to Denver and claiming one of us as her own blood. Rowdy never knew he had a sister after growing up in foster care, so the reunion had been rocky at best. Only now she fit in seamlessly with the rest of the wayward souls that made up the tight-knit unit my little sister, Ayden, had been so fortunate to marry into. I was also lucky that they all took me into the fold based entirely on the fact that Ayden wasn’t going to give me up. She might not like me very much all of the time, but she loved me unconditionally, and that was enough for the rest of the group to welcome me with open arms.
“She’s nice. She seems pretty cool with whatever comes her way.”
Zeb pushed his empty glass at me and ran his hands through his unruly hair. The guy was a contractor, built things for a living, so it kind of fit that he reminded me of a modern-day lumberjack.
“I’ve been flirting with her, teasing her and dropping hints since the day we met. She’s smart. If she was interested she would pick up on what I’m laying down.”
“Maybe.” I braced my arms on the bar and leaned across from him. I gave him a steady look and asked seriously, “But don’t you think she’s probably a little more used to formal invitations from someone that wants to take her out? Everything about Sayer screams country club and formality. Maybe she just doesn’t get what you’re after.”
He blinked at me for a second and then leaned back on his stool. “You think?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. She hired you to work on her house even after you told her you served time. She let you be around Salem’s sister when we all know she’s protecting that girl like a mama bear, so she obviously trusts you and is comfortable around you. Maybe she’s waiting for you to up your game. Not all ladies are gonna start pulling off their clothes and crawl between the covers because you smile at them. I heard you tell Rowdy once that you weren’t afraid of doing the work if the lady is worth it. Sayer is worth it.”
She really was. She had helped me out of a hard spot not too long ago, and when Rowdy’s girlfriend had needed a safe place for her little sister to recover from a really terrible situation, Sayer hadn’t hesitated to take the girl in. She was as kind and generous as she was lovely. She deserved a guy that was willing to go the extra mile for her even if that guy kinda resembled a tattooed Paul Bunyan.
Zeb pushed up off the bar and lifted both of his dark eyebrows at me. “I question taking romantic advice from a guy that’s repeatedly turning down the hottest piece of ass I’ve ever seen. That’s just wasteful, man.”
I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. “That’s the whole point: she’s not a piece of ass, and I don’t know why she’s suddenly acting like she is. Besides, any chick that can throw me in jail when I piss her off is off the table.” What I really meant but didn’t say was that I knew I was bound to screw up and piss her off. That was just what I did.
Zeb grunted. “I think I’d risk a night in lockup for her. Saying no to all of that is like a Herculean feat. Someone should nominate you for sainthood.”
I laughed drily and followed him to the front door so I could lock it behind him. “The halo would burst into flames if they got it anywhere near my head.”
He gave me a hard look. “You know I don’t think you’re half as bad as you seem to think you are, Asa. Trust me, I know better than most about screwing up on an epic level, but I’ve never let that define who I was going to be for the rest of my life.”
I might have bounced in and out of jail since I was a teenager, but I had never had to spend more than a few weeks at a time locked down. Zeb, though, had served several years behind bars for his mistake. The difference between us was that Zeb had broken the law because he felt like he didn’t have any other choice. I broke the law because I wanted to. The law got in my way, prevented me from getting what I wanted or what I thought I needed, so I ignored it and pretended like it didn’t matter.
“Some people screw up, and then some people are screw-ups. I fall firmly into the second category.”
There was no other explanation as to how Ayden and I could have half of the same genetic makeup and be so vastly different. Granted there was a good chance I absolutely took after my scumbag of a father, a father we didn’t share. Yet we were so opposite I often had to wonder how we had been brought up in the same house and lived the same hard-knock childhood. I had no clue how she could be as together, as composed and steady, as she was. I don’t know how she had found a space in her new life for me or how she had stayed by my side when I was dying. I knew she had every reason to walk away from me, but instead she had done everything in her power to save me and she had given me a new life of my own. One I was terrified I was going to rip to shreds any second now.
Zeb shook his head a little and yanked the door open. “I think you need to cut yourself some slack.”
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
I shoved him on his shoulder out the door and closed it in his face. I liked Zeb. We had a lot in common, but he didn’t know the whole story, didn’t know some of the really terrible things I had done. He didn’t know that when I died, when everything went black and I knew I wasn’t coming back to rejoin the mortal coil, every single, terrible, awful, horrible thing I had ever done in my life floated before me live in vivid color.
The way I used Ayden. The way I had never stopped her from doing what she was doing, which I did so that I could get what I wanted. The sex, the drugs, all of it a kaleidoscope of regret so hard and heavy I was sure it was dragging me to hell. I loved my sister more than anything in the world and yet I hadn’t ever been able to stop myself from treating her like a pawn in one of my games. Watching what I did to Ayden, what I allowed her to do for me, was worse than every blow from the baseball bats the bikers had wielded. Seeing the heartbreak in her whiskey-colored eyes when I finally caught up to her after years apart was enough to make me glad I wouldn’t ever be opening my own eyes again.
On top of that, there were the old ladies I scammed and the bikers I ripped off. There were the cars I stole and the men I knew my mom was sleeping with to pay our rent while I did nothing to stop it or help the family out. There was the debutante I had charmed into giving me her college fund, which I promptly wasted on a backroom poker game. There was the elderly gentleman looking for a companion that I had convinced not only that I was gay, but that I was interested in him, convinced him just enough to get him to write me a check so I could pursue my passion for photography; needless to say, I wasn’t gay or a photographer, but his ten grand had gone a long way in funding my next scam. The number of people I had screwed over was endless, and as their faces rolled like a movie behind my eyes as life leached out of me, I knew I was getting what I deserved.
When I had woken up, had seen Ayden looking down at me while I struggled to realize that even the devil in hell didn’t want me, I realized something bright, sharp, and clear. I was an asshole. I was a bad man that had done bad things and I was always going to be that guy, but I never, never wanted to hurt my sister again. I never wanted her to have to worry about me, never wanted her to have to suffer for me or lose anything because of me ever again. I was always going to be a screw-up, but I was going to actively try to avoid causing any more damage, and so far it had been going pretty well. I just had to hold on to those memories, those regrets and that remorse, tight enough that my hands would be too full to ever do the devil’s work again.
I pulled the cash drawer out and put it and the sales receipts in the safe that was in Rome’s office. I made sure all the cameras were on, especially the ones in the parking lot that he had recently installed. I got jumped one night after work by a bunch of kids with a vendetta that had actually led to my arrest and a legal headache that had taken longer to deal with than it should have because of my past. So now I was hypervigilant and always made sure the eye in the sky was watching my every move.
It was a little after one in the morning. The parking lot was mostly empty except for a few cars that were left over from people that hadn’t wanted to drive home after drinking or local neighborhood cars that Rome let borrow a slot. The Bar wasn’t in a terrible part of town and I was now pretty used to keeping odd hours since I didn’t get out of work until well after most of the world went to bed. I kind of liked the quiet of it all.
It was cold out. Being from the South like me, it had taken a couple of winters to get used to the frigid mountain air. I didn’t love the chill. My dislike of winter was enough that I was seriously considering buying a car even though the studio apartment I rented was barely two blocks away from the Bar. That was another thing that had changed after I came back to life. Now I could care less about things. I used to want the best of it all. The nicest clothes, the flashiest ride, the biggest house, and of course the prettiest girl. I wanted everything I had never had growing up and I wanted to show it all off and prove my worth. Now I wanted nothing. The less I had, the less there was to lose.
I was rubbing my hands together briskly and blowing into them to try and warm them up when headlights suddenly illuminated me and a vehicle rolled into the parking lot and didn’t stop until it almost reached me. The lights cut out and the driver’s-side door swung open. I would’ve worried, tensed up and walked the other way, if I didn’t recognize the ancient SUV and the female driver. Royal was always going to be prettier than any of the other trophies I used to flash around back in my heyday … prettier even when it was obvious she hadn’t been sleeping well.
I pulled the collar of my shearling coat up around my jaw and stepped around the door to where she was sliding out of her seat to the ground. She looked like she had just come from the gym. She had on some kind of stretchy skintight pants and a big sweatshirt. Her hair was tangled in a messy knot on the top of her head and her eyes looked a few shades darker than their normal sweet chocolate color. She also had on running shoes instead of her typical sexy footwear, and she was shivering in the night air.
“You’re out and about late.” I tried to keep my tone even. She was unpredictable and I never knew which way she was going to go with things. I was used to being able to read people like an open book, but she kept turning the page on me. It was always surprising and unexpected.
She pulled the sleeves of her sweatshirt down over her fingers and looked up at me in a way that made my dick twitch hard behind my zipper. It should be legally prohibited for anyone to be that effortlessly sexy.
“I was at the gym because I haven’t been sleeping well. The powers that be cleared me to go back to work at the end of the week as long as I keep seeing the department shrink for the next three months.”
I thought she would sound happier about that fact than she did. “That’s good news … isn’t it?”
Her shivering turned to outright shaking, and I knew it didn’t have anything to do with the cold outside. Against my better judgment I reached out and hooked an arm around her neck and pulled her against my chest. I pulled open the sides of my coat and let her burrow into me while she shook uncontrollably. I felt her hands snake around my sides and search for warm skin below the edge of my shirt on my lower back. I jolted and I wanted to tell myself it was because her hands were like ice, but that wasn’t it. Her touch made my skin ripple in excitement.
“I’ve never worked a shift without Dom. He’s like my other half. They’re assigning me a temporary partner to work with until Dom comes back.” She pulled away so she could look up at me through her silky lashes. “Only they didn’t say when Dom comes back, they said if. I don’t know if I can do what I do without him.”
I felt her fingers dig into the hollow right at the top of my ass and I had to fight down a full-body shiver.
“You love your job.” I knew it was true. Even though she was acting wild and off the tracks lately, she was so much of what she did for a living. “You don’t need your partner in order to be a good cop, Royal.”
We stared at each other silently for a long moment and then the corner of her mouth kicked up in a grin that made my gut tighten and turned my blood thick. I needed to let go of her and get to getting before I did something stupid.
“Did you miss me this weekend, Asa?”
That was a loaded question if there ever was one. Of course I had noticed she wasn’t around, but I had steadfastly refused to acknowledge how her absence made me feel, so I sighed and asked her, “What are you doing here so late?”
She cocked her head to the side and her eyes narrowed just a fraction. Her fingers dipped below the waistband at the back of my jeans, and I had to suck in a breath through my teeth, which hurt because the night air was freezing.
“I don’t know. Every time I can’t seem to figure out where I’m going lately I always end up wherever you are.”
I swore and went to take a step away from her, but her hands just dipped lower and tugged me closer. “You need to get your compass fixed, then. It’s pointing you in the wrong direction, Red.”
Suddenly it went from being below zero to feeling like we were standing on the surface of the sun. My breathing went shallow and a little erratic as her gaze went all liquid and melty.
“The more you tell me that, the more determined I am to prove you wrong.”
Then she stood up on her toes so that she could put her mouth on mine, and it was all over. I knew it was coming. We had been dancing around each other for months. She was too pretty and too persistent for this not to happen at some point in time. She was also too kind, and far too good, to let someone like me put my hands on her. I wasn’t really what she wanted, but I was getting tired of trying to tell her that. Despite my best intentions, this inferno that raged between us was going to burn out of control and she had just lit the match and tossed it carelessly on the tinder.
Her hands found their way to my sides as her soft lips did their best to render me mindless and stupid with lust. I could inhale her. It would be so simple to just get lost in all the soft and sweet that made her delectable, but somewhere in the back of my mind all the ways in which this was going to go horribly wrong were poking at me. I raised my hands and gently cupped her jaw. I ran my thumb back and forth across skin that couldn’t possibly be that soft, and tried my damnedest not to let her lead me to a place I would never find my way back from. I pulled away from the exquisite brush of her mouth along mine just as her tongue darted out to trace along the sealed seam of my lips. It made me groan out loud. I was going to put a stop to it, I needed to end it now, but she was quick and took advantage of my reaction by slipping her tongue inside my barely parted lips, and then it was hopeless to stop the avalanche of desire that engulfed me.
After all, I never claimed to be an angel and even the devil could only play with fire for so long before he gave in to unholy temptation and danced in the flames.
I backed her into the open doorway of the car. I tunneled my fingers into her hair where it was tight against her head and I inserted a leg between hers so that our pelvises were flush against each other. I wasn’t nice. I kissed her like she had been after me to kiss her from the beginning of this game. I used my tongue. I used my teeth. I didn’t let her breathe and I didn’t give her any kind of space to move away from me as I crowded in on her. I reached around her and grabbed her very spectacular ass in one hand in a really classless move and made sure to manhandle it and her in a very obvious way.
If she wanted me how I really was, then she was going to get it. I had no problem letting the pretense fall away, especially when she was writhing and whimpering against me. I twisted my tongue around hers. I sucked hard on her lower lip until she gasped. I pressed my chest into hers until I could feel the rigid points of her nipples even through all the layers of clothes that separated the two of us.
I felt her fingernails dig harder into my skin where her hands were still trapped under my shirt. I thought maybe she was getting the point, that this was bound to be a train wreck and that her common sense was finally waking back up. But just as I was about to let her go, to pull back and get some much-needed breathing room so I could get my whirling thoughts back in line, one of those dangerous hands suddenly detoured drastically south and the next thing I knew she had her palm wrapped fully around the rock-hard erection that was straining the front of my jeans.
The contact was enough of a shock that I automatically reared back and moved to grab her wrist. She just grinned devilishly up at me and fluttered her eyelashes with false innocence.
“We’re in a parking lot, out in the open. You really want to go there with me, Red?”
Not to mention this little fiasco was being recorded for all of eternity and it wasn’t exactly a show I wanted prying eyes to see. I don’t think Royal was an exhibitionist either, but whatever was working in her complicated mind had her acting out in all kinds of hazardous and surprising ways. I growled her name when she slid her palm up and down, making my dick jump like a well-trained animal at her touch. One of her auburn eyebrows shot straight up and she stuck just the tip of her tongue out to taste her still-damp bottom lip. Goddamn if every single thing she did didn’t make me think of darkened rooms and lots and lots of naked skin.
“Why not? It’s the closest you’ve ever let me get.” She gave the turgid shaft a hearty squeeze, and that made my eyes roll back in my head. I was on the verge, right on the cusp of picking her up and throwing her into the SUV and just giving her what she had been asking for, when my phone rang.
Considering it was well past the middle of the night and the ring tone was the specific one assigned to my little sister, I had a mild panic attack and pried Royal loose from my junk and finally stumbled a few steps away from her.
“Ayd?” I couldn’t help the harshness of tone as I barked out her name.
“Oh my God, Asa, Shaw just went into labor!” My sister was screaming, so I had to hold the phone away from my ear.
“Okay … and …?” Shaw was Ayden’s best friend. The two of them were beyond tight and I knew it had been really rough for Ayden to move to Austin so that she could be closer to her husband when her best friend was expecting her first child. I calmed down when I realized Shaw was okay and there was no crazy emergency.
“You better get your ass to that hospital and be there in my place until I can get to Denver. Jet is booking a flight for us right now, but I still won’t be there until the morning. You need to be there for me, Asa.”
Jet was Ayden’s husband and also a really good friend of the baby’s dad. He would move mountains to make sure Ayden didn’t miss this major moment in Rule and Shaw’s life. I rubbed my hands through my hair and blew out a breath that fogged up in front of me.
“Shaw isn’t going to want me there, Ayd. She’ll want you.”
“I know that, but I might not make it in time, so you’re going to go to the hospital and substitute for me!” She was screaming and almost hysterical, so I knew there would be no reasoning with her. “You need to keep me updated on everything that’s happening while I’m on my way there. You have to do this for me, Asa.”
Rule was Rome’s younger brother. The entire Archer clan was bound to be on hand, not to mention all the other various members of the gang that worked with Rule at the tattoo shop he owned with Nash. The maternity-ward waiting room was going to be full of the Marked family and they really didn’t need me in the way, but I had promised myself I was never going to let Ayden down again, so I grumbled my agreement to go and hung up on her before she could keep screaming at me.
I looked at Royal, who was texting on her phone and chewing on her lower lip not at all like a mere moment ago she had had her hand in my pants. She looked back up at me with a crooked grin.
“Saint just texted that Shaw’s in labor.” I nodded and then frowned when my phone buzzed in my hand with a text. I thought it was going to be Ayden, so I was surprised when the message was from Rome instead.
Another Archer is on the way. Get your ass to the hospital.
It took me a minute to understand that I was actually wanted there for this big event. I looked up at Royal in confusion. “Rome wants me there.”
“Of course he does.”
I frowned at her. “What do you mean, ‘of course he does’?”
She made a face at me and moved to climb into the driver’s seat of the 4Runner. “You’re friends and practically business partners. Rule has Nash, Jet has Rowdy, and Rome has you. Everyone needs someone to lean on, and bringing a new life into the world is most definitely a big deal. Now come on, I’ll give you a lift down there.”
I was stunned speechless, so I just moved around the car and climbed in the passenger side. I slumped down once I was situated and stared straight ahead.
I liked Rome. I respected the hell out of him. He was also on my newly formed list of people I never wanted to disappoint. He had given me a shot when everyone else in the world seemed like they were just waiting for me to fuck everything up. I owed him a lot, but it had never occurred to me that somewhere along the line that had morphed into him relying on me and respecting me as well. It was kind of a foreign concept to me and I wasn’t sure what to do with it.
“One of these days you’re going to let me finish what I’m always trying to start with you, Asa.”
Royal’s voice was low and there was a needy thread in it that twisted and twined around my heart. That couldn’t happen. I couldn’t let her get to me; that would be bad news for both of us. It was time to stop pretending and let her see my true colors.
I leered at her and told her flatly, “Any guy that gets your hands around his dick is gonna finish, Red.” It was crude and unnecessary, but it made her be quiet for the rest of the ride to the hospital and I spent that time convincing myself it was for the best …
… Wasn’t it?
CHAPTER 4 (#ulink_698bce6e-de61-589d-a566-4ae8eb458862)
Royal (#ulink_698bce6e-de61-589d-a566-4ae8eb458862)
My adrenaline was crashing. Partly from the lack of sleep and the excessive workout in the gym, but mostly from being burned alive from the inside out by Asa. I knew that once he let me get close enough to touch, I wasn’t going to be able to stop. There was just something about him, some kind of lure that pulled at me when I was around him that was too hard to fight against.
I wasn’t exactly shy, but I also wasn’t the type to just stick my hand in a guy’s pants and go for the gold either. Asa pushed me against all of my boundaries, made me forget that there were consequences to my actions, and I loved every single thing about it. I loved that when I was close enough to breathe him in, he was all I could feel, and I loved the way his glimmering amber eyes seemed to see everything I was trying so hard to hide. They were hot enough to melt the hardest metal and I was far from being forged out of steel and iron at the moment. I felt like I was made of paper and fluff.
I had every intention of just dropping him off at the hospital and going home to try and pretend to sleep. The ride to the hospital passed in absolute silence and I could see the way the muscles in his chiseled jaw were clenching and unclenching as we got closer. I wasn’t sure if it had to do with me or with the impending new addition, but it was clear he was lost in his own head and I wasn’t allowed inside. Whatever he was musing on it wasn’t making him too happy. I could tell even in the dark of the car as his eyes shifted from their normally burnished gold color to a much darker and heavier brown.
I pulled to a stop in front of the massive medical building and waited for him to climb out. I wasn’t going to say anything, figuring I had gotten myself into enough trouble for one night, but he cocked his head to the side and turned in his seat a little to look at me questioningly.
“Aren’t you coming in?”
My hands curled around the steering wheel involuntarily and I blinked at him in confusion.
“Why would I?”
I was tight with Saint and I really liked Nash, he was pretty much the nicest guy ever, but I hardly knew Shaw, and Rome’s wife, Cora, kind of scared the crap out of me. I got along fine with Salem, her no-bullshit attitude was awesome, and I liked that she always spoke her mind. Plus, when her sister had been abducted, I was the first person she turned to and that created a lasting bond between the two of us. But I was pretty sure Ayden was going to show up in no time flat, and I really didn’t want to be around when she did. Yes, she had apologized for losing her shit and being a stone-cold bitch to me when she found out I was the one that had arrested Asa, and I believe she meant it, but I had no plans on hanging out and making a happy situation awkward. I hadn’t seen Ayden since the day she bailed Asa out of jail, and I was in no hurry to have a reunion. Especially if I couldn’t manage to keep the way I felt about her troublesome brother on lockdown.
I knew instinctively she wouldn’t approve.
“Why wouldn’t you?” His drawl was so smooth, so velvet soft, as it wrapped around me. I just wanted him to whisper things to me in the dark forever.
“I’m friends with Saint and I adore Nash, but this is a big deal, something you share with family. I’m not part of that.”
He just stared at me and then grunted. “Go park. We’re going up together.”
I shook my head. “No, we’re not.”
I watched as the fire lit back up in his eyes and they switched back to their intoxicating whiskey color. “Fine.” He settled back in the seat, crossed his arms over his chest, and lifted a sandy-blond eyebrow at me. “If you don’t have to go up, then neither do I. You can drop me off back at the Bar.”
I gasped at him a little and narrowed my eyes at him. “Rome asked you to come. You should be inside right now, not arguing with me. You’re wanted up there.”
His mouth kicked up on the side, and I saw just how easy it was for him to charm people out of common sense. He was pretty day in and day out, but that grin had the devil and temptation in it, and it turned him into something otherworldly. No mere human looked that good after a full day of work and a bout of unfulfilled groping and fondling. It was obvious the path to every decadent sin led right through Asa Cross, and man oh man, did I want to race down it. I would never understand why he insisted on putting so many roadblocks in my way.
“Saint got in touch with you, so obviously someone wants you here. She’s shy and there is a lot of commotion to handle when this group gets excited about something. You ever stop and think maybe she needs you as her buffer?”
I cringed because I did know that. Saint loved Nash’s friends, was deeply immersed in their world and definitely accepted as part of the ramshackle family, but it was easy for her to get lost in the sea of strong, dominant personalities and she did like having me around to be her port in the storm. Only instead of wanting to be there for my friend, I wanted to run because I didn’t know if I could stand any more judgment coming my way. I had only been doing my job. I hadn’t wanted to be the one to put Asa in cuffs and take him in, but it had to be done and I unfortunately had to be the one to do it. I respected all of those ladies so much; seeing disappointment in their eyes when they looked at me might very well be the thing that tipped me over the edge of the cliff I was precariously holding on to at the moment.
I sighed because I could see that Asa was serious in his threat. Calling him every bad name in my head that I could think of, I wheeled the 4Runner into a parking spot and turned the engine off.
“You’re a manipulative jerk, you know that?”
He finally threw the door open and climbed out. The blast of winter air almost knocked me over and I remembered belatedly that all I had on was my gym clothes.
He walked around the front of the car and stopped when he reached my door. Without a word he pulled it open and put a hand on my arm and practically dragged me out. He shook his head when he saw how I was shivering, and took his big, heavy coat off and put it around my shoulders. It smelled like him and I wanted to cuddle into it and rub my face in the leather, but I was too busy glaring at him as he told me, “Now you’re catching on, Red.”
All he had on was a long-sleeved thermal, so I tried to hand the coat back to him, but he just grunted and put a hand on my lower back and guided me to the front doors. I blew out a breath that fogged up the air in front of us and told him quietly, “Your sister hates me. She’s gonna lose her mind when she shows up and sees me here with everyone.”
He chuckled and the sound sent chills racing all across my skin.
“Ayden is protective … of her friends, of her man, of me. She sometimes goes off before she thinks things all the way through. She doesn’t hate you. She hates that I’ve lived the kind of life that I have. In fact the only person she’s ever actually hated is me. That wasn’t the first time she’s had to come get me out of jail, and Lord only knows if it’ll be the last. She knows you were just doing your job, Royal. She just wants to save me. She’s always wanted to save me.”
I cut him a hard look out of the corner of my eye. “Why didn’t you say anything that day? Those kids jumped you, hurt you, and yet you just let us take you in with no complaint. Why?” I had wondered since the day Dom and I had been sent to the Bar to pick him up.
The hospital was busy. I was here enough that I knew the way to the labor and delivery unit without having to ask for directions. Asa followed along beside me without responding to my question. I thought he was just going to ignore me, until we got in the elevator and the doors swished closed. He turned and faced me, and that grin that turned his face into something I would dream about forever flashed at me.
“What’s the point? I’m always going to be the bad guy even when I’m not.”
I frowned. “You could have defended yourself. You were innocent. Those kids set you up.”
There was video proof of the fact, which had ultimately led to him being cleared of all the charges that were filed against him.
I started a little when he reached out and very gently ran the tip of his index finger over the line that had furrowed between my eyebrows as I scowled up at him.
“I’m not defending myself ever again. Not to my sister. Not to the police. Not to anyone. People are going to think what they want, and sadly most of those things that they think are going to be right about me. I’m guilty of a lot of bad shit, Royal. Most of it I never got caught for. Karma has a way of catching up with you, especially when you laughed in her face one too many times.”
I was baffled by his response and sort of stunned by the care in that simple touch.
“Are you telling me you would’ve been willing to go to jail for something you didn’t do as some sort of penance for all the other bad stuff you did in the past? That’s crazy, Asa.”
He just shrugged a shoulder and the doors swished open and we walked into a waiting room full of anxious and excited family and friends. I knew he was carrying around a barrel stuffed full of shame and remorse from his misdeeds of the past. What I hadn’t realized up until that very moment was that he was willing to let that barrel crush him rather than set it down and sort through its contents.
Saint was at the desk talking to the lady behind it. Rome was pacing back and forth in front of an older couple that I assumed had to be his and Rule’s parents since Shaw had almost no contact with her family; Salem was curled up in a ball on one of the chairs with her head on Rowdy’s shoulder; Nash was leaning against the wall with a baseball hat pulled low over his eyes; and Cora was nowhere to be seen.
I faltered a little bit when all eyes turned to us as we approached. At first I thought they were all wondering why I was there, but quickly realized that they were all wondering why Asa and I had shown up at the exact same time and that they were all probably curious as to why I was still wrapped up in his coat. I shrugged out of it even though it felt like I was handing over a security blanket and cleared my throat.
“Hey.”
Asa echoed the greeting and shook Rome’s hand as the gigantic retired soldier walked over. I squeaked a little when the big man scooped me up in a tight hug that I couldn’t help but return. When he put me back on my feet I just gaped up at him in surprise. He smiled down at me and I couldn’t help but smile back.
“I was going to have Cora ask you to go get him if he didn’t show. I was gonna tell you to use force if necessary.”
Asa made a noise and lifted an eyebrow at his boss. “Where’s Cora? This doesn’t seem like something she would miss.”
We wandered farther into the waiting room and I let out a sigh of relief when Saint made her way over to my side. She linked her arm through mine and gave me a knowing look. I just shook my head and told her, “Later. We can talk about it later.”
She just smiled at me and propped herself up next to Nash, who tilted his head down at me in greeting.
Rome ran his hands over his head and his massive chest expanded as he huffed out a frustrated breath.
“She’s in the bathroom.” Something shifted across his handsome face. “She’s not feeling well at the moment.”
Rome and Cora had recently gotten engaged and they had a daughter who was just starting to walk, which constantly kept them on their toes. She was full of her mother’s fiery personality and her dad’s stubbornness, which meant keeping up with little RJ was a full-time job. They were a rock-solid family unit and it made me have hope for my own future. I wanted to believe that something like what Rome and Cora had could exist without infidelity, without jealousy and drama, in my life at some point. In fact all of these people had relationships I envied and admired. They were all determined to make them work. No matter what the cost. They wanted to be together and they all did whatever it took to make that happen. I really wanted someone to feel that way about me.
Nash pushed the brim of his hat up and his periwinkle-colored eyes shone at me with unbridled amusement.
“Any particular reason you showed up at the exact same time as Asa?” I was pretty sure Saint had told him about my current infatuation, but I wasn’t in the mood to share or be teased, so I just shrugged.
“Good timing, I guess.” Nash was Rule’s best friend, so punching him in the gut to get that cocky grin off of his face wouldn’t be in good form considering the situation.
I let go of Saint’s arm and found a seat that was off to the side. I kicked my feet up on the one across from me and settled in to wait. Having babies took a long time and it wasn’t like I was going to sleep anyway.
I was drifting in my own thoughts. Thinking about Asa’s startling revelations that he was willing to go to jail to pay for past crimes, thinking about the way he tasted, the way he felt so hot and hard in my hand. I was thinking about the idea of going back to work without Dom at my back and how that was almost impossible to get my head around. I also couldn’t get my mind off the fact that all I wanted when I couldn’t sleep and the gym wasn’t enough was to go toe-to-toe with the southern bartender I couldn’t get out of my head. My crush was turning into an obsession.
I jolted a little when a tiny body landed in the chair next to me. Cora looked at my sprawled-out form and kicked her much shorter legs out in front of her with a grin. “Not even close.” There was still a foot beyond the toe of her combat boot and the opposite chair.
I rolled my head to the side so I could look at her as she settled in next to me. Cora was the unofficial guardian angel of this group. She was a petite powerhouse of a woman, and when I wasn’t sort of terrified of her, I really liked and respected her. Tonight she looked a little pale and she had obvious bags under her two different-colored eyes.
“How’s it going?” I figured if anyone would know it would be her.
“Fine. Rule’s actually handling all of it better than Rome did. Rome had the nurses and my OB-GYN scared to come near me. Rule’s taking it all in stride. As long as Shaw is cool, he seems cool, but the real contractions haven’t started yet. We might have to send in the reinforcements if he flips out like his brother did.”
I laughed. I had no doubt Rome was extra scary when he was stressed and freaking out. He looked like he could win a war all by himself with no weapons, just standing off to the side chatting with Asa.
“Well, that’s good. It’s nice you’re all here to support them. Ayden called Asa. She’s on her way already.”
Cora tilted her head back on the chair, put a hand over her tummy, and squeezed her eyes shut. She looked a little green all of a sudden and I sat up straighter. I was going to ask her if she was okay when she breathed deep and then turned her head to look at me as whatever was wrong with her apparently passed.
“She’s going to be devastated if that baby comes before she gets here. Moving to Austin with Jet was the best choice, but it’s hard on them with all of us still here.”
“She told Asa he had to be here just in case she couldn’t make it.”
Cora nodded and smiled at me. “He needs to be here regardless, and so do you.”
It was uncanny how she always seemed to see everything. “I’m here.” I said it begrudgingly.
“Yeah. But you had to think about it first. You belong here, Royal. Don’t doubt it.”
But I did—doubt it, that is. I just didn’t know how I fit. “Things just felt off and a little strained after I had to take Asa in. I wasn’t really sure how to handle that, and making friends has never been all that easy for me.”
Most girls didn’t like me or didn’t trust me and boys only wanted to pretend to be my friend in the hopes it would lead to more. Aside from my tight bond with my mom, my relationship with Dom and his sisters, and now Saint, I had lived a pretty solitary life.
“Shit happens. What happened with Asa wasn’t your fault and we all know that.” She gave me a very pointed look, her brown eye hard and her blue eye sharp. “Do you?”
I wanted to tell her everything felt like it was my fault. It felt like all I could do anymore was make mistake after mistake. I never got the chance, though, because panic crossed her pretty face and in a heartbeat she was up out of the chair and darting across the waiting room to where the bathrooms were located. Rome’s deep voice rumbled with a litany of swearwords as his mom scolded him, which he blatantly ignored as he followed his tiny fiancée into the ladies’ room. He ignored the nurse that called out to him as well, which had all the guys gathered around laughing.
I was pondering Cora’s words about fault when her now-vacant seat was filled with a much bigger, masculine body. Whenever I was within touching distance of him, all my senses seemed to go into overload. He draped one of his long arms across the back of my chair and looked at me out of the corner of his eye.
“You okay?” His voice was softer than usual and way too close to my ear. I gulped a little and nodded.
It was the fact he asked, the fact that I think he really cared whether I was okay or not, that overshadowed all the red flags he liked to wave in my face warning me away from him.
“Yeah. I’m glad I came up with you. It’s nice to see this.”
“See what?”
I waved a hand vaguely around the room indicating where Salem and Rowdy were cuddled together, where Nash had wrapped Saint up in his arms and was holding her, where Rome had disappeared after Cora, and even where the older Archers were sitting huddled together.
“Happiness. Togetherness. Unity. It was just me and my mom when I was growing up and she jumped from man to man always looking for something she couldn’t seem to find. It’s pretty cool to see couples that actually want to be together. Stability is kind of a foreign concept to me.”
He kicked his long legs up like mine were and adopted a similar pose. I shivered a little when his side pressed along my own. He grinned at me when he noticed my reaction.
“You can have all the stability you want when you stop looking for trouble.”
He was probably right, although trouble sounded like so much more fun right now, and what I wanted and what I needed were absolutely not the same thing.
I didn’t reply; instead I tried really hard not to move as I felt the tips of his fingers start to play with the end of my long ponytail where it hung over the back of the chair. I don’t think he was even aware that he was doing it. That is, until I glanced at him and noticed the golden glow shining out of his eyes. This was not a guy that ever did anything without being very aware of the effect it was having on the people around him. He wasn’t just trouble, he was potent and more dangerous than most of the stuff I saw on the streets every day.
At some point the monotony of waiting for endless hours long into the night, the quiet murmur of voices, the squeak of rubber shoes on the linoleum floor, all worked together to lull me to sleep. One minute I was thinking about how odd my night had turned out. About how when I felt my absolute worst there was this remarkable foundation of wonderful people to catch me. I wasn’t used to having any kind of safety net aside from Dom, and I had to admit it was really nice to have a soft landing instead of a brutal crash for once in my life.
But of course, like everything in my world lately, drifting off into a little catnap couldn’t just be easy and rejuvenating. As soon as the darkness descended, it was there. The day everything changed forever.
I heard the gunshots. Heard the cops that had been on the scene before us shouting. Heard the people in the neighborhood chattering next to the dilapidated building that had been converted into a monster meth lab. I heard the sirens. I heard my radio squawk that there were several officers down. It was a bad situation all around, but Dom and I were trained. It was our job to go into bad situations and make them better.
I heard Dom telling me we should go into the alley and I blindly agreed. I heard his boots rattle on the metal as he found a fire escape and started to climb up. I told him I was right behind him, we always had each other’s back. Dom barked at me to stay put, to cover him from the group. We had no idea how many shooters there were, had no idea if the building was clear or not, but again, we were trained and this was our job.
I had my gun out. I was watching, staring hard at the space above Dom’s head, making sure no one could get the drop on him. There were more shots fired, I had no idea if they were our guys or the bad guys, and I didn’t care as long as my partner was okay. I heard Dom make a noise as he reached the top of the fire escape. I could swear I heard every single snowflake that was falling that night as it hit the dirty ground around my booted feet.
I heard Dom call an all-clear, saw him move to go through a shattered window, and then I heard it … nothing more than a whisper. A faint sound of a can or some other piece of trash rolling on the asphalt. I moved my attention away from Dom for a split second, half of a heartbeat, not even a full blink, and then hell was unleashed.
A kid, a boy that was barely out of puberty, popped up over the edge of the roof, opened fire from his higher position, and hit Dom. He took two shots in the vest, one ripped through his arm. The force and surprise sent him stumbling backward until he hit the waist-high railing of the fire escape and started to tumble over it. One last bullet had caught him just right in the side, but it was the fall that did the most damage.
Then all I could hear was screaming, my own and Dom’s as he fell. I returned fire, caught the kid dead center in his chest. It didn’t matter. I thought Dom was dead and I couldn’t stop screaming.
I woke up with a jerk. I was covered in a light sheen of sweat and noticeably shaking. Luckily this time I wasn’t making any noise and no one seemed to notice my disheveled state, mostly because Ayden and Jet had arrived and everyone was gathered around saying hello. I watched as Asa pulled his strikingly beautiful little sister into a warm embrace.
And then it was like Shaw and the baby knew, like her and Rule’s baby boy had been waiting for just the right minute to make his grand entrance into the world. He seemed to know the exact moment that his whole family was there to meet him because it wasn’t until the entire gang was present that Reyer Remington Archer made his debut.
I had to say it was the best thing that had ever been waiting for me on the end of the nightmarish visions of that horrible night, and I would forever be grateful I was allowed to be part of it.
CHAPTER 5 (#ulink_078936c2-59b5-506a-91da-c271107ff2c7)
Asa (#ulink_078936c2-59b5-506a-91da-c271107ff2c7)
About two weeks after the night at the hospital, I walked into the Bar full of trepidation. Rome had called and asked me to come in an hour early because he wanted to talk to me about something. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out if I had screwed something up or done something wrong, but his grave tone was more serious than usual and it made my long-honed self-preservation instincts kick in. If he was going to can me, tell me to get lost, I told myself it was no big deal. I could hit the road, I could figure out something else to do, but the Bar had really sort of become the first place that felt like it was solid under my feet, and I didn’t want to admit that losing that scared the hell out of me. Not having this place really would set me adrift, and when I was adrift I got into trouble … lots of trouble.
Ayden and Jet had stayed for a week. My sister wanted to be there when Shaw took baby Ry home and got settled. The nickname was cute and Shaw loved it because she was a huge J. D, Salinger fan, plus knowing who the kid’s dad was, he was bound to have a little Holden Caulfield rebellion in him. It wasn’t enough time with my sister, and even though I could see she was happy, really happy with her choice to move in order to get more time with her man, I missed her and I could see that she was still worrying too much about me. I tried to tell her that I was fine. I tried to explain that if I was going to fuck up, it wouldn’t matter if she was here in Denver or in Austin, but that just made her tawny eyes spark at me in anger. I loved Ayden more than I ever knew I was capable of, but I wasn’t going to try and fool her into believing that I was never going to screw up again. All I could do was try. Try and be better, try and be honest, try staying on the right side of the law and not running when things got hard. Trying was just going to have to be enough. For Ayden and for me.
During the day the Bar was fairly quiet. There was a whole slew of retired veterans that liked to hang out and share old war stories. It never ceased to amaze me how many of them had to do with ex-wives and old lovers rather than any actual war. Rome typically opened the bar up and hung out until I got there in the early evening to run the night shift. He wanted to be home with his family during the evening and I couldn’t say I blamed him for that. Being a retired soldier himself, Rome had an easy way with the grizzled clientele and preferred to leave the more lively and rambunctious party crowd to me.
When I walked in the front doors, he wasn’t around, and Brite, the guy who had sold Rome the Bar in the first place, was standing in my usual spot behind the long wooden bar. Darcy, the Bar’s cook and Brite’s ex-wife, had her head poking out of the kitchen and the two of them appeared to be arguing in low voices.
I don’t think either of them copped to the fact that they might be exes but were still practically married. Wife number three was long gone, and Darcy wasn’t just his only child’s mother, but really the love of his life. I had asked Rome about it once and he just shrugged and told me that good women were complicated and hard to hold on to. I didn’t understand it until I walked into the liquor storeroom unannounced one day between shifts and found Darcy with her legs in the air and Brite’s giant form hovering over her in an unmistakable way. There might not be rings, but there was love and passion still there. Too bad their daughter was a grade-A pain in the ass.
Brite cut off whatever he was saying to Darcy, and she ducked back into the kitchen. His teeth flashed at me through the miles of beard that covered his face and he crossed his arms over his barrel-like chest. Brite had so much don’t-fuck-with-me pouring off of him it always surprised me how soft-spoken and insightful he really was. He looked like a Hell’s Angel not a savior, but he was. He had saved this bar. He had saved Rome. He had given all those vets a place to feel secure, and now he was trying his hardest to save his obviously wayward daughter even though she absolutely didn’t seem to appreciate the fact.
“How’s it going, son?” His voice rumbled like thunder over the Rockies.
I shrugged off my coat and ran my hands through my hair. “It’s going. You have any idea why Rome called me in early?”
He shook his head and lifted a bushy eyebrow at me. “How is Avett doing? Tell me the truth, Asa. Rome doesn’t want me to worry, says he can handle her, but I raised that girl. I know all the kinds of headaches she can be.”
I sighed under my breath. “Her attitude sucks. She doesn’t listen. She fights with Darcy. She hates it here, which is a shame because she’s one hell of a good cook.” She really was. When she wasn’t just throwing together the bar food the joint specialized in, when she made something for herself or was playing around, the girl was obviously talented. I told Darcy once that someone should tell Avett to go to culinary school, to which Darcy had sighed and looked like she was going to cry. Turned out Avett had just flunked out of regular college, so any kind of expensive specialty school clearly wasn’t in the cards. The girl was on a downward spiral. I could see it clear as day, mostly because it was a ride I was all too familiar with.
Brite swore under his breath and raised a hand to stroke his beard. “You feel comfortable firing her if she crosses a line?”
I dipped my chin down, thinking about the beer in her purse. “I will do what I have to in order to keep the Bar and Rome safe.”
He nodded grimly at me. “That’s what I wanted to hear. She’s driving Darce nuts. The girl is going to be the death of us both.”
I made a noise of agreement. “Rome in the office?”
Brite nodded and again flashed me a grin that had to fight through his facial hair. “You look nervous, son. Don’t be.”
I was annoyed that my typical mask of indifference and carelessness had slipped, so I struggled to put it back in place as I walked down the hallway where the restrooms, storage, and tiny back office were located. I knocked on the door before pushing it open and noticed Rome was on the phone when I walked in. I sat in one of the ratty chairs that was up against the wall while he continued to grunt and reply in one-word sentences to whomever he was talking to. There was paperwork on the desk, cases of alcohol were piled up on the floor, and Rome’s gym bag took up the space on the other available chair. His chair squeaked as he leaned back heavily in it, said, “I love you more,” meaning the person on the end of the call had to be Cora, and finally hung up and looked at me.
I wanted to grin at him, to play it all off like whatever was about to go down didn’t mean shit to me, but instead I felt my spine stiffen and my eyes narrow. “What’s up?” I didn’t really know what to do with the fact that this somehow mattered so much to me. The only things I had ever cared about before were materialistic and my sister; this was so foreign, and I hated how uneasy it made me. I wanted to squirm but I forced myself to stay still.
He rubbed his palms into his eyes and pressed down on the scar that bisected his eyebrow.
“Cora’s pregnant.”
I rolled my eyes and crossed my leg so that my ankle was resting on my knee. “You don’t say?” Sarcasm was as thick as Kentucky grass in my tone.
He blinked at me for a second and then blew out a breath. “What do you mean?”
I snorted. “I saw her at the hospital. I saw you at the hospital. If it was the flu or just a cold, you wouldn’t have been all over her like a mother hen, and I doubt Cora would’ve looked so happy.”
His blue eyes widened a fraction and then a grin split his stern expression. “Yeah. She just hit a little over two months. She wasn’t as sick with RJ, but she was a hell of a lot moodier.”
“I didn’t know you were trying to have another baby.”
His big shoulders rose and fell. “We weren’t. But we weren’t not trying either. I got a fiancée and a new baby all within a few months of each other and that makes a man start to think about what’s next.”
That made me laugh. I was genuinely happy for him. “Congratulations.”
“We wanted to wait until Rule and Shaw got to take Ry home and had a little while to bask in the new-baby awesomeness before we said anything. Rule as a daddy is a miracle that needs to be appreciated fully for a while, and I don’t think my mom can handle any more Archer good news without exploding. So you and Brite are the only ones that know for now.”
“Got it. Is that what this little powwow was about?” If so, all my muscles could unclench and the breath I was holding could finally escape my frozen lungs.
I gritted my teeth when he shook his head in the negative.
“No. I need to talk to you about the Bar.”
I didn’t want to give away the fact I was sort of falling apart on the inside, so I just stayed silent and waited for him to keep talking.
He just stared at me for a minute and then rocked back in the chair and put his hands behind his head.
“Brite sold me this bar for a hundred bucks. I thought he was crazy.” I agreed. “I didn’t get it at the time, but I do get it now. It wasn’t about the bar or about giving me something to do, it was about taking something beaten, something that had adapted and survived, and breathing new life into it. Did you know that even with the expense of adding Dixie and Avett to the payroll, we still turned a profit last year? And not just a few bucks; an actual, decent-sized profit.”
We were busier and busier and the crowd was getting more and more diverse. The live music helped and so did the fact that Rome’s friends and family were gorgeous and liked to hang out here. The Bar was hip now, so I really wasn’t surprised.
“That’s good news.”
“Yes, it is, and it has a shit ton to do with you, Asa. You work your ass off. You’re here more hours than is healthy. You take care of the staff. You take care of the customers, no matter who they might be, and goddamn, you’re good behind that bar. People fucking love you.”
That’s because I spent most of my life tricking people into thinking I was lovable when the opposite was true.
He dropped his arms and got to his feet and walked around the desk so he could perch on the corner closest to me. It was a small space and Rome was an intimidating guy, but there was a gleam in his gaze that was all about excitement and expectation.
“I want you to hire some more staff. I want Dixie to have help on the floor and I want you to hire a full-time day bartender that’s good with the military guys and a night guy to give you a break.”
“I don’t know that a break is the best thing for me. You know what they say about idle hands.”
I lifted both my eyebrows up at him as he scowled down at me from where he was most definitely looming.
“This bar gave both of us a crutch to lean on when we were trying to figure out what we were doing with our lives. It’s helped us both out by keeping us busy and given us something to focus on. You more so than me because I had my Half-Pint and the baby to worry about. I think it’s also offered me the insight into what happens next.” He looked at me to see if I was still with him and I was. I couldn’t disagree that the Bar was a safe haven when I was trying to leave behind a life and turn into something, someone, more respectable. “There are a lot of businesses that could use a little revitalization, a second chance, if you will. The gym I go to is falling apart. It needs some new equipment, some new blood, to bring it into this century. I like that the place feels like an old gym from the 1930s or something, but it needs some help. I want to invest in it.”
I blinked in surprise and just stared at him. He cocked the eyebrow with the scar in it at me and kept going.
“Nash has a buddy with a garage. He does killer restoration projects but is pretty small-time. I’ve seen his work and met the guy a few times. I think I want to funnel some cash into his enterprise as well.”
I hissed out a whistle between my teeth. “Man, you weren’t kidding about a decent profit, were you, Boss?”
Rome grunted at me. “I also want to help Nash and Rule out if they do decide to expand and open a third shop somewhere. What I don’t want to do is sit on my ass anymore and wait on whatever it is that’s going to happen next to find me. I’m buying a house. I’m having another kid, and when all that’s said and done I’m marrying the most perfect girl in the world.”
I didn’t really think “perfect” and “Cora” went together in the same sentence, but to him she was absolutely the perfect choice and there was something to be said for feeling that way about the mother of your kids.
“Those are all good plans, Rome, and I gotta say I’m a little shocked you decided that being an entrepreneur and investor was your calling, but I can get behind you wanting to help out struggling businesses. That’s pretty noble of you.”
He gave me a hard look. “Second chances matter. You and I both know that.”
“They do.” I worked hard every day to make sure my second chance wasn’t wasted. I owed myself and the people that loved me at least that much.
“I want you to consider being my business partner. You do a good job here—fuck, a great job. You’re way better with people than I’ll ever be and I think you’re the only other person that can understand why I want to invest in the businesses I do.”
Well, shit. That was unexpected.
I scooted forward on the chair a little and raised my hand to rub vigorously at the back of my neck. Old shame and bitter regret surged to the surface and I had to try really hard to fight it back down.
“I don’t have that kind of money floating around, big guy.”
He paid me a fair salary and my cost of living was practically nil, but when you died on an operating table and they brought you back to life, it cost a fortune. With no insurance, that meant every extra cent I had went back to paying the medical bills that were astronomical. Ayden and Jet had offered to help, but as soon I settled into my job at the Bar, I refused to let them. It was the first time in my life I was actually owning up to the consequences of my actions.
His mouth quirked and he pushed off the desk so that he was on his feet. “So give me a hundred bucks. It’ll be the best money you ever spent.”
I swore at him and got to my feet. I still had to look up at him, but he seemed less imposing now that I wasn’t sitting down.
“Look, I appreciate the offer and I would jump at the chance, but I can’t, and I can’t let you give me a free pass like that.”
He opened his mouth to argue with me but I cut him off by putting a hand on his massive shoulder and shaking my head.
“I’ve always taken any shortcut I could find. When I didn’t get shit handed to me, I took it because I thought I was entitled to it. I can’t do that with you. Not after everything you’ve done for me, Rome. If I ever get in a place where I can legitimately buy my way into a partnership with you, and the offer is still there I’ll jump on board. Until then, you just let me know if you need help with anything. I can be your go-to guy.”
“You’ve been that since the first day you started work here.”
I cleared my throat as heavy gratitude pressed in on me from all directions. “Thanks for trusting me enough to even consider getting into some kind of business with me.”
He grunted and we both left the office. “You’ve never given me a reason not to trust you. I know there was ugly shit before, but that doesn’t have anything to do with now. I’ve had to learn to leave the past where it belongs or it really fucks up the good stuff happening in the here and now.”
We were both pretty solemn as we walked back into the front of the Bar. Brite was gone and Dixie was standing behind the bar watching Dash, who insisted we all just call him Church like Rome did, as he walked around straightening tables. Rome gave the cocktail waitress a one-armed hug and stuck his head in the kitchen to let Darcy know he was leaving. He also gave Church a fist bump as the other dark-skinned ex-military man walked up to the bar and then looked at me with lifted eyebrows as he turned to go. “Lemme know if you change your mind, Opie.”
“Will do.” The nickname was ridiculous. I was so far from being the innocent southern kid in overalls at the water hole it was laughable, but a drunk kid had once lobbed the name as an insult, and not surprisingly it stuck.
Since it was a Saturday night I ran through what we were looking at business-wise for the night and told both Dixie and Church that Rome wanted to look for some more staff. I told them if they had any recommendations to send them my way and then went into the kitchen to make sure Avett had at least showed up for her shift. She was standing by the big walk-in cooler and Darcy was in front of her.
The older woman had her daughter’s chin in her hand and was screaming at her, “I know goddamn well you did not trip and fall and give yourself that black eye, Avett.”
Avett’s gaze darted anywhere but at her infuriated mother and landed on me. I saw her bottom lip tremble and I frowned at her over the top of Darcy’s head.
“If he’s putting marks on you that other people can see, it’s only gonna get worse. Not only does that mean he doesn’t give a shit about you, it means he doesn’t give a shit that you actually have people that might not want to see you hurt. That’s dangerous. You should cut ties and run like a rabbit with its tail on fire.”
Avett’s swirly eyes narrowed at me and she jerked away from her mom. “You don’t know anything. Neither one of you do. Jared was drunk. It was an accident. Leave me alone or I’ll walk out and you won’t have anyone to work the busiest night of the week.”
She was shaking and I knew she didn’t believe her own words. I could see it as she bit the inside of her cheek. You had to be able to lie to yourself before you could lie expertly to other people. Avett wasn’t quite there yet, and maybe there was time to stop her before she got there. I was done playing babysitter; it was time to let the bad guy out and maybe he could get results where coddling this troubled girl had failed.
I told her flatly, “You walk out, you aren’t walking back in. I’m done playing your spoiled-brat games. You don’t wanna be here, well, guess what, I really fucking don’t want you here either, but I owe your dad and your mom is a good lady, so I endure working with you. This”—I waved a hand around the kitchen to encompass the dramatic scene I had interrupted—“is the threshold for my bullshit tolerance.” I made sure I looked at Darcy so she could see how dead serious I was before I walked back out of the kitchen.
It was a busy Saturday night even without a band, but all the patrons seemed to be on their best behavior. There was one little squabble among some girls, but as soon as they saw Church making his way over to where they were causing a ruckus, they quieted down and went immediately into flirt mode. I stayed busy until midnight, when a scraggly-looking dude walked in looking strung out and shifty. I had the sinking suspicion he was here for Avett. He totally looked like the kind of scumbag that had no issue hitting women or asking them to steal from work.
He stayed just inside the front door and was twitchy enough that Church hovered close by. I was getting ready to round the bar and ask him what his deal was when Avett came barreling out of the kitchen and rushed to the guy’s side. He scowled at her and shrugged her off, all while hauling her body out the front door. I saw Church’s eyebrows snap down in a fierce V, and without me saying anything, he followed the young couple into the parking lot. At least we could stop the idiot from pounding on her while she was at work. I made a mental note to mention something to Brite. He was the baddest of the bad and anything he would have to say to his daughter’s loser boyfriend would be far more effective and terrifying than anything I came up with.
“Can I have another lemon drop, please?”
My attention shifted back to the smiling lady that had been sitting at the bar since ten. She was a tad bit older, probably in her midforties, but she was a looker. I wasn’t sure how much was natural versus how much was man-made, but she had an amazing face and sleek blond hair, and a look in her dark eyes that let me know she would like me to serve her more than a martini. I thought it was funny since she was with a guy that looked younger than me and he was bending over backward to keep not only her attention but her obvious wealth focused on him. He was glaring at me every time she tried to engage me in conversation, so of course I had played it up all night.
I smiled back, made sure to flex when I shook her drink, and kissed the back of her fingers when she handed me a twenty for a tip. I laughed under my breath when the guy turned beet red and looked like he was going to explode. She was a classy-looking chick, but I wasn’t into being man-candy, so I took her money and fucked with her boy toy for my own amusement. They weren’t our normal type of customer and I wondered where in the world they had wandered in from. I was going to ask but got distracted by a blown keg I needed to change and by a couple that thought they could walk out on Dixie without paying their tab.
I was tired by the time the bar was shut down and Church was getting ready to walk Dixie to her car. They asked if I wanted them to wait for me but I needed a minute to decompress. I had so much stuff floating around in my head: Rome’s offer, Avett’s crappy boyfriend, where my life really was going, and of course Royal. I hadn’t seen her since the hospital, but she was back at work now, so maybe that was enough to have her acting right instead of acting out. I didn’t want her to be all tangled up in my mind and my confusion, but when I closed my eyes to go to bed at night, I still tasted her winter-cold lips against my own.
It was after three by the time I hit the lights and locked everything up. I drank a couple fingers of scotch while listening to the Raconteurs on the digital jukebox before hitting the back door, then I shrugged into my coat for the walk home. I was lucky it was close because I really didn’t love Colorado winter weather. How February managed to be so much colder than either December or January still amazed my inherently southern bones. With my hands in my pockets I put my head down against the bitter wind and started across the parking lot. A soft feminine voice dropping really ugly swearwords brought me up short.
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Jay Crownover
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Эротические романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: The sixth book in the scorching hot NEW YORK TIMES bestselling MARKED MEN New Adult seriesRoyal Hastings has been a cop, first and foremost, for most of her adult life. So when a call-out goes wrong and her partner ends up in hospital, she finds herself suspended from the job, indefinitely. With too much time on her hands and a heavy load of guilt weighing her down, she seeks solace in oblivion – otherwise known as a golden-eyed bartender with a rap sheet as long as her arm.Asa Cross has spent his live on the wrong side of the law, but a near death experience has left him rebuilding his life and relationships. But being good is tougher than it seems – especially when being bad looks as good as Royal does.On paper, the cop and the con seemed doomed to heartbreak – but when love has stolen your heart, how can you walk away?