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The Honourable Army Doc
Emily Forbes









EMILY FORBES began her writing life as a partnership between two sisters who are both passionate bibliophiles. As a team, ‘Emily’ had ten books published.

While Emily’s love of writing remains as strong as ever, the demands of life with young families have recently made it difficult to work on stories together. But rather than give up her dream Emily now writes solo. The challenges may be different, but the reward of having a book published is still as sweet as ever.

Whether as a team or as an individual, Emily hopes to keep bringing stories to her readers. Her inspiration comes from everywhere, and stories she hears while travelling, at mothers’ lunches, in the media and in her other career as a physiotherapist all get embellished with a large dose of imagination until they develop a life of their own. Emily Forbes won a 2013 Australia Romantic Book of the Year Award for her title Sydney Harbour Hospital: Bella’s Wishlist.

If you would like to get in touch with Emily you can e-mail her at emilyforbes@internode.on.net (mailto:emilyforbes@internode.on.net)


Dear Reader

Thank you for picking up my latest book. The idea for this story came from an article I read about people who choose to care for ex-spouses who are battling severe and sometimes terminal illnesses. I began to wonder what sort of person would offer to do that. They would have to be selfless and compassionate and, although most of the carers in the story were women, once Quinn came into my head that was it—the story started with him.

He is a gorgeous man—loyal, kind and generous (with amazing blue eyes!). He cares for and respects women, and is just the sort of man Ali needs. She is attracted to his strength of character, his kindness and his sense of moral justice. All he needs to do is convince her that she’s the perfect woman for him.

Enjoy!

Emily




The Honourable Army Doc

Emily Forbes







www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)


For my brother, James, who is a lot like Quinn— gentle, kind, respectful of women and a fabulous father.

Growing up with three older sisters can’t always have been easy but you’ve turned out pretty well!

Love you xx




Table of Contents


Cover (#u13ad161c-3ea0-5128-a300-76a71d8aa994)

About the Author (#u8bc8fdf4-c862-5d67-a4a2-d96a495cedf4)

Title Page (#u2c37e6ca-7f04-5249-91e4-c2406d9e1ae4)

Dedication (#uf98c2064-31e3-5438-a6dc-3366f1487146)

Chapter One (#u3cc71104-1534-59a1-8b7a-3ca34094d021)

Chapter Two (#ueabdc9ff-a330-5345-9f18-211c6c96920e)

Chapter Three (#ue462b332-8ec6-526d-841b-bd89b99a31ab)

Chapter Four (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)




CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_fbc97412-b94b-50a3-b400-41b2c31eed83)


Quinn

QUINN DANIELS FINISHED his drink and signalled to the barman for another. His second Scotch would have to be his last for the evening, he was a keynote speaker at the weekend medical conference and his address was on tomorrow’s agenda. He needed to keep a clear head.

He waited at the bar, keeping himself a little separate from the rest of the crowd. He let the conversations flow around him, not shutting them out but not totally absorbing them either. They were background noise as he let his attention wander over the room. The bar was in a conference room that was doing double duty as the cocktail reception area and the usual nondescript décor, seen in large hotels the world over, meant he could have been anywhere, but to Quinn’s eyes it was the crowd that told him he was home. The room was only half-full but already there were more women in the space than he had seen for a long time. His gaze wandered, watching more out of habit than with any real purpose. He was still getting used to being in the company of women, women who weren’t off limits.

After his second tour of duty in Afghanistan he was still acclimatising to Western life. The Scotch in his hand and the women in the crowd were only two of many differences. But it was enough to change the atmosphere. The sounds were different—the men’s voices provided a bass accompaniment to the higher-pitched and slightly louder female voices, and the air smelt different too. It smelt of women—perfume and soap, hairspray and make-up—and the room certainly looked different. In Afghanistan he and everyone else had spent most of their time in uniform. There weren’t many occasions to dress up but tonight he was surrounded by men wearing suits and ties and women in cocktail dresses. There was plenty of black and a lot less khaki.

A splash of red caught his eye. In a room of predominantly dark colours the red dress burned like fire, casting a warm glow over everything nearby and drawing his eye. The dress was draped around the most beautiful woman he had seen in a very long time. The dress began over one smooth, tanned shoulder and wrapped across rounded breasts then pulled in firmly at the waist before flaring out and falling to her knees. Her arms were long and slender. So were her legs. She was showing far less skin than a lot of other women in the room but Quinn let his imagination picture what lay beneath the gauzy fabric. She wore her dark hair long and it flowed over her shoulders, gleaming as it reflected the light. Her lips were painted a glossy red to match her dress and the brightness of her mouth stood out in sharp contrast to her olive skin and raven hair. Her colouring was exotic, she was exquisite, and he wondered who she was.

She had paused in the doorway as she surveyed the room. He held his breath as he watched her, waiting to see if she found whoever it was she was looking for. He waited to see where she was heading.

She had perfect posture and a long, slender neck. She looked serene, elegant. Her head turned towards the bar as she scanned the room. Her eyes met his and Quinn felt his stomach and groin tighten as a burning arrow of desire shot through him.

Desire. It was an emotion he’d thought long forgotten and the strength of it took him by surprise. His heart rate increased as blood raced around his body, bringing him to life.

Did she hold his gaze for a second longer than necessary? He knew he wished it were true but as her gaze moved on he knew it was more than likely his imagination.

He waited, hoping she wouldn’t find who she was looking for. Wishing she was looking for him.

She stepped into the room and moved gracefully across the floor. Her steps were smooth and effortless and she seemed to glide through the crowd. He couldn’t stop watching. It wasn’t a case of wanting a second look. He was unable to tear his eyes away and that made it impossible to look twice. He appreciated the beauty of a female form and hers was better than most. Far better. He knew he was staring but he couldn’t stop.

She turned towards the bar. The bar was busy. It was early in the evening and people were still arriving and, for most, their first stop was the bar to fortify themselves as they prepared to mingle. He could see her looking for a spot to squeeze in. He moved a little to his left, creating a bigger space, a more obvious space, beside him as he willed her to accept his silent invitation. He hoped she would prefer to wait at the bar rather than in a queue.

He watched her gaze travel along the bar and find the gap. Saw her lift her eyes and felt his heartbeat quicken as her eyes met his again.

Her cherry-red lips parted in a smile, revealing perfect white teeth. His racing heart played leapfrog in his chest as her smile fanned the flames of desire still burning within him.

She took a few more steps, closing the distance between them, and slipped into the space beside him.

‘Thank you.’ Her voice was soft and sultry. It suited her. Her olive skin was smooth. Her grey eyes fringed by dark lashes. The colour of her eyes was unusual and not what he’d expected at all but it was her mouth that had him excited. Her lips were full, moist and red. Suddenly Quinn was very pleased to be home.

The bartender delivered his Scotch and he held up a hand, getting him to wait. ‘May I also have…?’ He looked to his left, offering to order.

‘A gin and tonic, with a slice of lime, please.’

The top of her head reached just past his chin and he could smell her shampoo or maybe her perfume. It was sweet but not cloying and reminded him of the gardenia hedge that had grown under his bedroom window in his childhood home. The room around him melted into the background. The conversation around him faded and became nothing but subsidiary noise. There was nothing else that could capture his attention.

But he’d learnt the hard way not to let attraction outweigh reason. He was still paying the price for that lesson. Not that he regretted the lesson. He couldn’t. That lesson had given him his daughters but there was no denying it had changed his life and now it was no longer his own. An occasional and very brief liaison was all he allowed himself now, just enough to satisfy a need but not long enough to allow any attachment. But it had been a long time since he’d felt desire.

Desire was dangerous. The way he felt right now he knew desire could outweigh reason. He knew he could lose himself in this woman.

Perhaps that would help to wipe away memories of Afghanistan. Perhaps it would help to bring him back to the present. He would still have the dreams but sex was always a good distraction. This woman might be the perfect solution. But sex to satisfy a need was one thing. Sex and desire was another combination altogether.

Ali had noticed him almost the moment she had entered the room. He had an interesting face but extraordinary eyes and it was his eyes that had made her look twice. He had maintained eye contact, almost daring her to look away first. And then he’d moved, just slightly, just enough to make space for her at the bar. Was it another challenge or was he being chivalrous? It didn’t matter. She didn’t want to linger alone, she didn’t want to look out of place or conspicuous, so she was grateful for his silent offer. She hesitated, only ever so slightly, before his eyes convinced her to accept his offer. He had the bluest eyes she had ever seen, so bright their colour was clear from metres away. Hypnotic. Mesmerising. She felt as though he’d cast some sort of spell over her until her feet moved, almost of their own accord, and carried her across the room and she found herself beside him, accepting his offer of a drink.

He was watching her intently, almost as though he was committing her features to memory, but his attention didn’t make her feel uncomfortable. It wasn’t intrusive; somehow he made it feel like flattery.

His confidence was attractive. Her own confidence had been shaken of late and her pulse quickened as she met his eyes. A sense of excitement raced through her as she looked into his eyes, so blue they appeared to be made from azure Cellophane, illuminated from behind. They were intense, compelling, captivating and she was riveted. The external borders of his irises were a darker blue and the change in colour reminded her of a tropical sea as it deepened and darkened as it left the white sands of the shore.

He handed her a tall, cold glass, its contents garnished with lime. ‘Will you let me keep you company while you wait for your friends?’ he asked as she thanked him for the drink.

‘How do you know I’m waiting?’

‘I saw you arrive,’ he replied. ‘You looked like you were meeting people but you also looked like you were the first one here.’

Somehow in a room rapidly filling with people they’d seen each other at the same instant. She wouldn’t call it fate, she had once been a big believer in fate, though she wasn’t so certain any more, but even she had to admit there was a nice symmetry to this chance meeting. She smiled. ‘One of my many bad habits, I confess. I’m always early.’

‘I can’t see how that’s a bad thing.’

‘It makes others feel guilty because they think they were late.’

‘Well, I hope they take their time.’ He smiled at her, bringing little laugh lines to the corners of his incredible blue eyes.

Was he flirting with her? She hoped so but she didn’t completely trust her judgement.

He extended his hand. ‘I’m Quinn Daniels.’

She knew who he was. Captain Quinn Daniels. She recognised his face, only from a photograph but that was enough. He was one of the conference keynote speakers. She planned to attend his session on infectious diseases and immunisation tomorrow. She knew from his short biography in the conference program that he was an army medic. An army captain. But the black and white head shot in the conference notes didn’t do him justice.

He was six feet, maybe six feet one, of solid muscle. He looked fit. His shoulders were broad and his arms filled out the sleeves of his suit jacket. She could see the muscle definition of his deltoids and biceps under his jacket and his pectoral muscles were firm against his shirt.

He wasn’t typically handsome; his face was broad, his blond hair cropped short, his jaw firm and cleanshaven, his chin strong. He was rugged rather than handsome but there was something about him that made it difficult for her to look away. It was more than just his eyes. It was something deeper, something powerful, something confident. He looked as though he could take care of himself and by association anyone else he chose to protect.

The bridge of his nose was slightly flattened, as if it had once been broken, but Ali sensed that if it had happened in a fight it had been the other guy who would have come off second best. But despite his size and the sense of strength she didn’t get a feeling of menace. She got a feeling of raw masculinity but not danger. He might not back down from a fight but she got the sense he wouldn’t start it. Although she was certain he would finish it. He wouldn’t stand by and watch. He would go to help.

He seemed strong. Interesting. He made her feel brave. She put her hand into his. ‘I’m Ali.’

His fingers closed around hers, his grip firm but gentle and sending an unexpected rush of excitement racing through her. She didn’t want to let go, it had been a long time since she’d been excited about anything.

‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ali,’ he said, and something in his tone made her believe he meant every word. ‘You’re a doctor?’ he asked. She nodded in reply. She didn’t think she could speak, not while he still had hold of her hand, her senses were overloaded. ‘Are you Brisbane based?’ he added as he released her hand.

Ali shook her head and found her voice. ‘No, I’m from Adelaide.’

‘Ah, I should have known.’

‘Why?’

‘South Australia has more than her fair share of beautiful women.’

He was definitely flirting.

‘Have you been to Adelaide?’ she asked, hoping that he had a legitimate reason for his flirtatious comment and that he wasn’t just spouting platitudes.

‘Many times,’ he replied. ‘Do you like living there?’

‘I do.’ Ali nodded. She loved her home town and although many of her friends had moved interstate she had never thought she’d prefer to live elsewhere. ‘But I must admit the opportunity to escape our winter and head north for some sunshine and the conference was too much for me to resist. I’m looking forward to hearing your address tomorrow.’

Quinn smiled. ‘You’re attending my session? You’re not going to ditch me in favour of lying by the pool and working on your tan?’

‘I try not to play hookey until the second day,’ she quipped before she sipped her drink, conscious of the fact she was flirting in return but surprisingly without apprehension.

His phone rang, interrupting the flow of their conversation. He pulled it from his pocket and glanced at the screen. ‘Would you excuse me? I need to take this.’

She watched as he took two steps away from the bar. She wondered who it was. Wondered who had the power to make him search for privacy.

He paused and turned to face her again. ‘I’ll be back,’ he said, before leaving her to watch him walk away. As he left he took with him the air of excitement she’d experienced and the evening dimmed a little. She wondered if he would be back. She had no way of knowing.

Ali was enchanting. There was no denying she was beautiful but it was more than that. It was more than attraction, more than desire. There was a sense of grace about her that fascinated him, a calmness about her that drew him to her. He knew he needed calmness after his months in Afghanistan and he longed to stay at the bar and let her soft, sultry voice soothe his weary soul. While he listened to her he was able to breathe, to relax. He didn’t want to walk away but he couldn’t ignore this call. His family were more important to him than anything else. They would always take precedence.

‘I’ll be back,’ he told her. He wanted to ask her to wait but that would have been presumptuous. He told himself he would find her when he returned.

He moved away from the bar to answer the call, not because he didn’t want to be overheard but so he could ensure he could give his full attention to the call. He knew if he stayed beside Ali he would be distracted. He wanted to turn around, to retrace his footsteps, to return to her side, but duty came first. He had never shirked his responsibilities before and he couldn’t start now.

He answered the call but the voice on the other end of the line was unexpected. He had been expecting his daughters but instead he got his mother-in-law.

‘Helen? What is it? What’s the matter? Is it one of the girls?’ It was unusual for Helen to ring him. Their relationship was perfectly amicable but there was never a real reason for them to speak. His daughters kept him in the loop and anything important he would discuss with their mother. Helen could only be ringing with bad news.

Quinn kept walking out of the room and into the hotel lobby. He needed to get away from the bar, suspecting he would need some peace and quiet. His heart was lodged in his throat as he waited for the reply. His breathing laboured.

‘It’s Julieanne.’

His wife.

Ex-wife, he corrected automatically.

He was certain now the phone call was not good news but hearing that the call wasn’t about his daughters relaxed the muscles in his diaphragm and allowed him just enough air to speak. ‘What is it? Has there been an accident?’

‘No. It’s her headaches.’

Julieanne had always suffered from headaches and Quinn knew that of late her headaches had become more frequent and more severe. He’d asked her to speak to her doctor but Julieanne had been convinced that she could manage them by experimenting with her diet and exercise routine.

Helen continued and Quinn could hear her voice catch with emotion. ‘She had a seizure today.’

The last vestiges of calm that he’d felt when he’d been speaking with Ali vanished as Helen’s words forced their way into his head. He could almost feel his mind resisting her words. He didn’t want to hear this.

This is serious, he thought. He closed his eyes as he rubbed his brow with his free hand. This isn’t about diet and exercise. I should have insisted she see someone.

There was an ottoman in front of him, tucked into a corner of the lobby, and Quinn collapsed onto it, his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands, and forced himself to take a deep breath.

‘Where is she? Tell me what happened.’

He listened as between Helen’s sobs she told him what had transpired. ‘We’re at the hospital now. The doctor has just come to speak to me. She has a brain tumour.’

A tumour.

The rest of the conversation was a blur as Quinn spoke first to Helen and then to the doctor. He forced himself to concentrate as they discussed Julieanne’s condition but he knew he’d only registered the basic facts and they were far from good.

When the conversation ended he stood up from the ottoman on shaky legs. His hands were shaking too as he pocketed his phone. He was struggling to breathe. He could feel his larynx spasm as he tried to relax his diaphragm and take a breath. He needed air. To his right was the hotel entrance. To his left was the conference room. He looked back towards the bar, back to the room where he had left Ali. But he couldn’t go back into the bar. Not yet. He needed fresh air.

He pushed open the hotel’s front door, not waiting for the doorman’s assistance. The hotel was built on the banks of the Brisbane River and Quinn crossed to the embankment in three long strides. He gripped the railings at the river’s edge, anchoring himself as he gulped the fresh, evening air and tried to make sense of the conversation he’d just had. But even as he was trying to get things straight in his head he knew there was no making sense of it. It was a horrible, unimaginable situation to be in.

He stared blankly into the depths of the dark water swirling below him. Growing up on the Sunshine Coast of Queensland, he’d always had an affinity for water and it was something else he’d missed while stationed in Afghanistan. Normally he found water soothing but tonight it wasn’t allaying his fears. It wasn’t soothing. It wasn’t calming. He’d been craving calm since his return from Afghanistan but now he couldn’t imagine things ever being calm again.

He had no idea how long he stood there, staring into the water, but gradually he became aware of people around him, couples and groups strolling along the pathway, giving him sideways glances as they passed by. He made himself relax his grip on the railing. Relax his shoulders. He knew he couldn’t stay outside hoping the water and fresh air would revive him. He didn’t have the luxury of time. He had things to do. He had plans to make. He had responsibilities.

He retraced his steps to the hotel. The doorman saw him coming and opened the door. Quinn nodded without really registering the service as he passed through. He headed for the bank of lifts adjacent to the conference room where he had been minutes before. He hesitated at the door, searching for a flash of red. His eyes ran along the length of the bar. Nothing. He scanned the room and found her.

He wished he could go in. He could do with some of the serenity that seemed to envelop her but she wasn’t alone. Her friends had arrived and she was gathered within their circle.

He wished he could go in but he had no right to interrupt her. No right to demand her attention. She didn’t need his problems. He had thought his life was complicated enough twenty minutes ago. If only he could have that life back. But in the space of twenty minutes his life had changed irrevocably. There was no going back.

He took one last look at Ali’s red lips and wished he could taste them. Just once. But he couldn’t go back. He could only go forward. He had to do what he had to do. His daughters would need him and, as always, he would put them first. He turned his back on the bar and headed for the lifts with heavy steps.

The lift doors closed, cutting him off from Ali, taking him out of her life.

Quinn took another deep breath as he prepared himself for what lay ahead. There was no time to think about anything else. There was no time for ifs, buts and maybes. There was only reality. His present no longer consisted of raven hair and cherry lips. His present consisted of responsibility and duty.




CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_7f5450c4-eb26-54c4-b8ca-d8caf7ff497a)


Ali

ALI PUSHED OPEN the clinic door and unwound her scarf as she felt the warmth of the waiting room begin to defrost her face. She was so over winter. It had been unseasonably cold and long, even by Adelaide Hills standards, and the few days she’d spent in the Brisbane warmth for the medical conference seemed a lifetime ago. Her skin had forgotten the feeling of the Queensland sun over the past six weeks and she couldn’t wait for summer.

She undid the buttons on her new winter coat, a scarlet, woollen swing coat that she’d bought to lift her spirits and help her get through the last weeks of cold weather. Her spirits needed lifting, she needed something to look forward to. She loved her job but lately it had lacked excitement. It had become routine. The last time she’d felt excited about anything had been in Brisbane. The night she’d met Quinn.

She sighed. Her life was a pretty sad state of affairs if a ten-minute conversation was the highlight of the past few months. But there was no denying she’d enjoyed it and no denying she had spent far too much time thinking about him. Wondering why he hadn’t come back. Wondering what had happened to him.

Despite telling herself she no longer believed in fate, she hadn’t been able to shake off the idea that they had been destined to meet. But even she wasn’t delusional enough not to realise she was romanticising things. Quinn had probably had no intention of coming back, he’d probably thought she was dull and ordinary and had been desperate for an escape, whereas she’d thought he was interesting and charismatic.

She’d spent so much time thinking about him that on occasions since getting home her subconscious had tricked her into thinking she’d caught fleeting glimpses of him. But of course it was just her imagination working overtime because when she’d look a second time she would see it was just another solidly built man with cropped blond hair or that the person had disappeared from view completely.

Imagined sightings, unfinished conversations and scant memories were all she had.

She knew she wanted to find love but she was sensible enough to realise it wasn’t going to be Quinn Daniels who would sweep her off her feet. No matter how much she wished it. Daydreams weren’t going to change anything, she thought as she shrugged out of her coat. It was time to move on.

She glanced around the waiting room. There were a couple of patients sitting quietly but no one she recognised. She wasn’t actually due at the clinic for another hour as she’d finished her nursing-home visits earlier than expected so she assumed they weren’t waiting for her.

‘Ali, there you are.’ The receptionist’s chirpy voice greeted her as she emerged from the back of the clinic. It sounded as though Tracey had been waiting for her but Ali couldn’t imagine why as she was well ahead of schedule. ‘Your mum wants to see you as soon as you get in,’ Tracey added.

The medical practice had been started by Ali’s mum when Ali and her brother had still been in nappies. The building that was now the surgery had been their family home but as the practice had expanded their family had moved into a bigger house nearby and the clinic had taken over the building. Ali had spent many hours in the practice, playing in her younger years and helping out with various odd jobs as she’d got older, and she’d always known she wanted to work there one day. Her mum had shown her it was possible to balance a career and a family successfully and that had been Ali’s dream too. Until recently.

Until recently Ali had been quite content working as a GP. She enjoyed knowing her patients and being a part of their lives and the community. But until recently she hadn’t ever expected that she might never have more than this. She was twenty-six years old and at a crossroads in her life. She was restless. Her future lacked direction and excitement and she was at a loss as to how to remedy this.

‘Do you know why?’ Ali asked.

‘She wants to introduce you to the locum. He’s in with her now.’

‘He?’ The locum position was a part-time one, to cover for Ali’s mother who was accompanying her husband to an overseas conference followed by a short holiday. Ali knew her mother was hoping that if things worked out she could then persuade the locum to stay on, allowing her to reduce her working hours further. Ali had assumed, incorrectly apparently, that the job would go to a female doctor as part-time hours were highly sort after by working mums, but perhaps the new doctor was also nearing retirement age, like her own mother. ‘Is he old?’

Tracey grinned and Deb, the practice nurse, laughed. ‘Not by our standards,’ she said, ‘but every minute you stand out here he’ll be another minute older. If I were you I’d be hustling in there.’

Ali gave a quick glance over her shoulder at Tracey and Deb as she headed for her mother’s consulting room. They were giggling like a pair of schoolgirls. She frowned, wondering what on earth had got into the two of them.

She knocked and opened her mother’s door. The physique of the man in front of her was instantly recognisable and he was far from old. Her heart leapt in her chest.

Tall, solid and muscular, he stood lightly balanced on the balls of his feet. His hair was longer, not so closely cropped, and the blond was touched with flecks of grey that she was certain hadn’t been there six weeks ago. He looked a little leaner and a little older but when he turned to face her she saw that his eyes were unchanged. They were the exact same extraordinary, intense, backlit, azure blue.

His name slipped from her tongue. ‘Quinn?’

He stared at her. Did he remember her?

Her heart was in her throat, making it impossible to breathe. She had dreamt of meeting him again but in her dreams there had been no hesitation. In her dreams he hadn’t forgotten her.

‘Ali?’

She exhaled. ‘You’re the new doctor?’

He nodded.

‘You two know each other?’ her mother asked.

Ali had barely noticed that her mother was in the room. She only had eyes for Quinn. She forced herself to turn her head and look at her mother. ‘We met at the conference in Brisbane,’ she explained.

‘Good.’ If her mother noticed Ali’s preoccupation, she gave no sign of it. She was already moving ahead, pressing on with the next issue. She very rarely stopped and today seemed to be no exception. ‘Alisha, I have patients waiting, can I leave you to show Quinn around the surgery and let him get settled into his consulting room? He starts with us tomorrow.’

Her mother didn’t wait for her to agree or to argue. She shook Quinn’s hand and hustled out the door to call her first patient, leaving Ali temporarily frozen to the spot and at a loss for words. Her brain was full of questions. There was no room in it for motor functions. Her body appeared to have shut down as she stood and feasted on the sight of Quinn and struggled with the questions that were racing through her head.

What was he doing here? What about the army? His proper job? What on earth would he want a part-time locum job in a small clinic for? Why had he left her at the bar? Why hadn’t he come back?

Quinn couldn’t believe his eyes. Ali was standing in front of him. Ali of the raven tresses, grey eyes and cherry-red lips. After the chaos of his last few weeks, to see her standing a few feet away was nothing short of amazing. To say he was surprised would be an understatement. Astounded, perhaps. No, flabbergasted, that was a better word. He’d never had an occasion to use that word before but it was the perfect word for this situation.

He’d just been employed by Ali’s mother? The petite, colourful Indian woman was Ali’s mother?

That would at least partly explain Ali’s unusual colouring, Quinn thought as he absorbed the fact that she was here, in the flesh, in front of him. He’d suspected Spanish or maybe Mediterranean heritage but an Indian lineage made sense too.

He hadn’t taken his eyes off her. He couldn’t. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. She was wearing a red silk shirt that exactly matched the colour of her lips. He hadn’t forgotten those lips. The colour had imprinted itself on his subconscious and had not faded in his memory over the past weeks. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to see the colour red without thinking of her.

She looked healthy and vibrant. Her olive skin glowed. It looked warm and soft, alive.

She hadn’t moved. He had no doubt she was equally as surprised as he was. He knew not all surprises were good ones but from where he was standing this surprise was all positive. He hoped she agreed.

Seeing her made him feel that applying for this position had been a good decision. For the first time in a month and a half he felt as though his life wasn’t completely out of control. He recalled the sense of calmness he’d felt on the night they’d first met. Now, more than ever, he could use some peace and serenity.

He watched as her frown deepened. He could see the questions in her grey eyes.

‘I don’t understand. What are you doing here?’ Her soft, sultry voice caressed his senses. He wanted to close his eyes and relax and let her voice wash some of his troubles away. ‘Aren’t you with the army?’

‘It’s a long story.’ And a complicated one. Quinn knew that, as surprised as Ali was to see him, his reasons for being here would surprise her even further. It wasn’t something he could explain in a couple of sentences. He needed time and no interruptions. ‘Can we go somewhere else? Your mother will want her room; I’ll explain but not in here.’

She nodded and led him into the corridor and across the hall. He followed and his eyes were drawn to the sway of her hips, which made the hem of her black skirt kick up, exposing the tops of a pair of long black boots. Even though he couldn’t see her legs he could remember the shape of her calves, the narrowness of her ankles, and he felt the unfamiliar kick in his stomach that he knew was desire.

Ali opened the third door on the opposite side of the building and turned to face him. He made himself focus, dragging his attention from her backside as she spoke to him.

‘This is the spare consulting room. It will be yours while you’re here.’

She sounded far from convinced and he couldn’t blame her. It was an odd situation to find themselves in and it was obvious neither of them quite knew how to handle it. But he’d have to do his best to explain his circumstances.

By silent consent he took the chair in front of the desk. The desk was positioned in front of the window and he was vaguely aware of a view onto a side garden but he was having difficulty dragging his gaze from Ali. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail that spilled over one shoulder and she sat in the chair beside the desk and crossed her ankles, tucking her feet under the chair. She was sitting very upright, her posture as perfect as the night he’d met her, but he sensed that now it was more of a conscious effort. Her shoulders seemed tense, as though she was holding herself together, keeping up appearances, and he wondered what it was about the situation that was making her nervous.

‘What are you doing here?’ Ali repeated her earlier question. ‘Have you left the army?’

He shook his head. ‘Not exactly. I’ve taken leave, carer’s leave.’

‘Carer’s leave?’ she parroted. ‘Who for?’

‘My wife,’ he replied.

‘You’re married?’ He saw her glance at his ring finger. It was bare. Just as it had always been.

‘Ex-wife,’ he corrected quickly. ‘We’re divorced.’ Their marriage had hardly been a textbook one but even now he struggled with the ‘ex’ part. Not because he still wanted to be married but because it was a reminder of his failings as a husband. For someone who was, by nature, a perfectionist, it bothered him that he hadn’t been able to keep a marriage together.

Ali was frowning again. ‘You’re caring for your ex-wife? Why?’

‘It’s complicated.’

‘I’m sure it is.’ She smiled, inviting him to tell her more. But telling her more would wipe the smile from her face. He had no doubt about that. And he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be the one to make her smile disappear. If Ali was smiling he could pretend that things were fine with the world.

‘You’re not doing a very good job of explaining why you’re here.’ Ali spoke into the silence that stretched between them.

Quinn pinched the bridge of his nose and ran his thumb and forefinger out along each eyebrow, trying to ease the tension he could feel through his forehead as he summoned the strength to tell her what she was waiting to hear. He was yet to find an easy way to deliver this sentence. ‘My wife, ex-wife,’ he corrected himself again, ‘has a brain tumour.’

He was relieved when she didn’t gasp or hesitate or stammer something inane, like most people did. Being a doctor, she grasped the situation better than most. ‘What grade?’ she asked. Her question was matter-of-fact. There was no room for emotion, just the facts.

‘A GBM IV.’ He could see by Ali’s expression that she understood the poor prognosis. Her olive skin paled slightly. Ali didn’t know Julieanne, she didn’t owe her any sympathy, but Quinn could see that she felt for her. Astrocytomas were the most common primary brain tumour in adults but their characteristics and prognoses varied widely. Glioblastoma multiforme IV was a fast-spreading, highly malignant tumour. It was not the one you wanted to be diagnosed as having.

But Julieanne’s condition still didn’t completely explain his reasons for being there. ‘My mother-in-law has moved in with them,’ he continued, before Ali could ask more questions, ‘but she can’t manage to care for Julieanne and the children. I’m doing it for my kids. After all, they are my responsibility.’

‘Children?’

He’d forgotten Ali didn’t know about his daughters. Forgotten she knew virtually nothing at all about him. There was a part of him that felt as though he’d known her all his life. An idea in his head that they’d shared more than just a brief conversation many weeks ago. He nodded. ‘Two girls.’

Her shoulders relaxed as she leaned forward in her chair, closing the distance between them, letting her guard down. She stretched a hand towards him, as though to touch him, before she thought better of it. Her hand dropped into her lap and Quinn’s heart dropped with it. The movement served to highlight to him how much he wanted to feel her touch. How badly he needed to be connected to another person. To Ali.

‘Oh, Quinn, how terrible for them. I’m so sorry.’

Her response surprised him. He realised he’d expected her to ask him about the girls but instead her first response was one of empathy. He appreciated that curiosity wasn’t first and foremost in her mind. He took her empathy as a show of support. She didn’t find it strange that he would drop everything to care for his ex-wife and he had a feeling she would have been disappointed in him if he hadn’t.

Ali wanted to comfort him and she was almost tempted to reach for him before she realised that might be inappropriate. No matter how she imagined him, no matter that seeing him again made her pulse race and a bubble of excitement build inside her, the fact of the matter was they were strangers. He probably didn’t need or want her comfort.

Her own problems shrank in comparison to Quinn’s. Her own disappointment about the recent events in her own life she could, and would, overcome with time, but Quinn wasn’t going to get a happy ending to his tale and neither were his children. He had two daughters, girls who would be left without a mother, maybe not immediately but in the not-too-distant future. Ali knew how unfair life could seem at times and her heart went out to Quinn’s daughters. How would they cope with losing a parent at a young age? No matter what might have transpired between Quinn and his wife, no one deserved this.

‘Oh, Quinn, how terrible for them. I’m so sorry.’

She felt for him too. The situation must be a nightmare for him but she didn’t know him well enough to put her feelings into words. She needed time to process what he’d just told her, time to work out how to react appropriately. Shock and surprise were making it difficult to know what to say.

It was a shock to see him again. A shock too to find he was divorced and a father. Her imagination hadn’t pictured that scenario. In her dreams he was a dynamic, GI Joe type, athletic but intelligent. Daring but sensitive, and a bachelor. Most definitely a bachelor.

But some things hadn’t changed. She was still aware of a raw sexuality about him, a ruggedness, a hard, firm maleness, but there were also lines in the corners of his eyes that she didn’t remember seeing before. She wanted to reach out and smooth the lines away but she resisted the urge, sensing she would be overstepping the mark.

She searched frantically for something to say, something that would steer the conversation towards less emotional waters. ‘I still don’t understand why you want this job, though,’ she said. ‘Won’t you have enough to keep you busy?’

‘The girls are back at school now after the holidays. My mother-in-law and I will care for Julieanne in shifts and as long as I can be home when the girls are there I don’t need to be there all the time. I want to be busy. I need to be busy. I’m in Adelaide because people need me but Julieanne and I don’t need quality time together. Our marriage ended a long time ago and nothing is going to change that or change the situation.’

‘Yet you’re going to be her carer.’ The situation was unusual, to say the least.

‘Our marriage ended because of circumstances, bad timing and bad judgement, but we’ve stayed friends. We’re committed to our children. I can do this for Julieanne. I want to do it.’

It was obvious he still cared for his ex-wife. Did he still love her? Ali wondered. Not that it was any of her business but his reply confirmed her opinion of him as a strong and compassionate person and she suspected he was going to need every bit of that strength. She couldn’t think of too many other people she knew who would offer to care for an ex-partner. In contrast, she knew of many who would struggle to care for a current partner in the same situation.

‘Is Julieanne having treatment?’

Quinn nodded. ‘Radiotherapy.’

‘Is it working?’

He shrugged and his gesture reminded her of Atlas trying to balance the world on his shoulders. ‘The oncologists are not optimistic at this stage.’

‘What have they told you?’

‘That this could be her last Christmas.’

It was early August and Christmas was less than five months away. Quinn’s voice was heavy and Ali had a second overwhelming urge to try to ease his pain. But she resisted again. Six weeks ago they had shared a drink, half a drink really, and that was the extent of their acquaintance. Even if the excitement and interest she had felt had been mutual, she knew the goalposts had shifted since then. Quinn was now out of bounds. He had enough going on in his life. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t offer to help in some way. It didn’t matter how much inner strength he had, he was going to need help and Ali resolved then that she would do whatever she could. Even if she didn’t yet know what that could be.

‘What do you think?’ Ali’s mother asked. ‘Did I make a good choice?’

It was several hours later and Ali was sharing lunch with her mother. She was still trying to come to terms with the idea that Quinn was suddenly in her life. After weeks of replaying their first conversation in her head, all ten minutes of it, to have him here, in her town, in her office, felt surreal and she had no idea how she was going to deal with it.

‘I have to admit his appointment took me by surprise,’ she replied. ‘I was expecting the job would go to a female doctor, someone with kids who wanted to work part time.’

Malika shrugged, a gesture that made the numerous gold bangles adorning her wrist chime. ‘Quinn is all of those things, just not female.’

Definitely not female, Ali thought.

‘Besides,’ her mother continued, ‘it might be good to have a male doctor on staff. You have to admit we’re rather lacking in that department.’

Ali couldn’t disagree. Both receptionists were female, as was the practice nurse and the other part-time doctor. There wasn’t a male amongst them. It could be a very good appointment if Ali was convinced her mother had found the right male. ‘Don’t you think he has enough on his plate, without working too?’

‘That’s his decision. Not mine,’ Malika said as she poured them both a cup of jasmine tea. ‘What reservations do you have?’

None she was prepared to voice, Ali thought. She just knew it would be difficult to keep her feelings in check but that was her problem and one she would deal with. She couldn’t admit she was nervous about working with him, worried about her ability to remain professional, but she had to think of something to say and she had to think of it quickly. ‘He told me he’s taken leave from the army so it doesn’t sound as if he plans to be here permanently.’

Malika nodded. ‘No, and that’s a shame. I was hoping the locum position might develop into something more permanent. But I can see why this job is attractive to him at the moment and I’m happy to have him. His experience is excellent, and I want to do this for him. He’s going through a tough time. If we can help each other then that’s a good thing. As long as he can cover for me while I go to that conference in Barcelona with your father, that’s the minimum commitment I need.’

‘Are you sure he’s the right fit for the practice? You don’t think he’ll be bored working here? You don’t think he’s a bit over-qualified?’ In her opinion an army medic was likely to find general practice work rather mundane.

But Malika wasn’t easily dissuaded, about Quinn or most other matters, and Ali should have known she was clutching at straws. ‘It’s only a short-term locum position at this stage and I think he could use a break from the stress of the army and his overseas postings,’ her mother responded. ‘I think it will do him good to have some routine medicine. He’ll have enough stress at home and he might enjoy coming to work for a break.’

Ali couldn’t argue. The surgery was, after all, still her mother’s, the decision was Malika’s, and Ali knew, professionally, it was a good one. It looked like she would just have to get used to the idea of working with Quinn.

Ali dictated the last referral letter, pushed her chair back and stretched her arms over her head to get the knots out of her shoulders. It was time to go home. She was the last one at the surgery, it was dark and she was tired. She stood and collected her handbag and red coat from where they were hanging behind her door but a sudden noise made her pause. Someone was coming in the back door.

She wasn’t expecting anyone and the light from her room spilled out into the corridor like a beacon against the darkness of the rest of the clinic, highlighting her presence to whoever had just entered the building. Ali heard two footsteps, light, not heavy, and her heart missed a beat before lodging itself in her throat.

‘Hello?’ The footsteps were accompanied by a voice. Quinn’s voice. For a solidly built man he moved lightly.

Ali’s heart skipped another beat. Her fight-or-flight response was in top gear thanks to the adrenalin that was kicking around in her system, but now the adrenalin transformed into a flurry of excitement instead of fear.

She stepped out from behind her door.

‘Quinn, what are you doing here?’

He was casually dressed in old, soft jeans and a blue woollen jumper that made his eyes gleam as the light from her room shone on him. His jeans stretched firmly across the muscles in his thighs. His legs were muscular, powerful and very male. Ali blushed as her gaze swept across his groin. Very male. Quickly she averted her eyes and lifted them to his face, hoping he hadn’t noticed her transgression.

‘I wanted to drop off a few things and get myself a bit organised before I start consulting tomorrow.’ In his arms he held a cardboard archive box. ‘Am I disturbing you? I didn’t think anyone else would be here.’

Ali shook her head. ‘No, I was just finishing up.’ She followed him into his room and watched as he dropped the box onto his desk. It sounded heavy. He’d made it look light. ‘Would you like some help?’ she asked as he began to empty the box. She’d trailed after him without thinking about what she was doing and only now did she realise he might not want company.

‘Sure. Do you want to find a spot to hang this?’ he asked as he handed her his framed medical degree.

There was an empty hook to the left of the window, above the desk, and Ali hung the frame there, right where patients would be able to see it. If he was bothering to unpack, did that mean he was thinking of this as more than a locum position?

When she turned back to Quinn he was still pulling certificates from the box. She looked at the certificates as he stacked them in an ever-increasing pile on the desk. Trauma, underwater and hyperbaric medicine and chemical and biological defence followed his traditional medical qualifications. She had suspected he was over-qualified for the job but she hadn’t realised by how much.

‘You carry these around with you?’ she asked.

‘No.’ Quinn shook his head and grinned at her. ‘They’ve been gathering dust in Julieanne’s attic. The army moves people around so often it’s been easier to store stuff with her,’ he replied, as he picked up the pile of frames and put them on the floor, leaning them against the wall.

Ali wondered where he’d been but before she could ask she was distracted by a photograph of two girls that he was lifting from the box.

‘Are these your daughters?’ she asked as he set the picture on the desk. ‘They’re twins?’

Quinn nodded. The girls were identical from what she could see. With white-blonde hair and Quinn’s extraordinary blue eyes, there was no doubting who their father was, but they were older than she had expected. She knew they were at school but she’d imagined them as only just old enough. Judging from the photo, they’d been at school for a while. ‘You got an early start.’ She’d learned from her mother that Quinn was only thirtytwo. Six years older than she was.

Quinn ran his fingers along the top of the photo frame. ‘They caught us by surprise. They turned nine a few months ago.’

‘What are their names?’

‘Beth and Eliza.’

His voice was soft and Ali could hear the love as he spoke his daughters’ names and her heart ached with loneliness and loss. But she couldn’t stop to dwell on her own feelings right now. She couldn’t afford to be swamped by disappointment. She suppressed those feelings; she’d deal with them another time. She was getting quite adept at that. She knew she needed to address the issue, she couldn’t just continue to ignore it, she knew that wasn’t healthy, but she didn’t have the strength to do anything else. Not yet. So she continued to talk, keeping the focus on Quinn.

‘Pretty names,’ she said. ‘Which one is which?’

Quinn smiled. ‘It’s hard to tell in a photograph unless you know them, but Beth is the extrovert, she’s usually the first one to talk and she’s just cut her hair. Or, more correctly, Eliza has just cut Beth’s hair. Beth said she was tired of people not being able to tell them apart so she convinced Liza to chop it off. Of course, then they had to go to the hairdresser to fix it and Beth now has a bob, I think they call it.’

She looked again at the photograph. Even though they were older than she’d expected, they were still far too young to be going through this nightmare. ‘How are they coping with everything that’s going on?’

‘Better than I am, I think.’ He sounded sad.

‘You probably know more about Julieanne’s condition than is good for you,’ she told him. ‘Sometimes ignorance is bliss.’

‘It’s not Julieanne I’m struggling with. It’s parenting.’

Ali frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I haven’t spent much time with the girls. I was still studying when they were born and then the army has kept me busy, then the divorce. Julieanne has been the constant in the girls’ lives so far and I’m on a pretty steep learning curve.’

‘You didn’t share custody?’

‘I couldn’t. The girls were here, I’ve been in Queensland or overseas.’

‘Peacekeeping missions?’ Ali knew that army medics would have to accompany soldiers on any mission.

‘Some.’

His answer was vague enough to arouse suspicion. ‘War zones?’

Her heart was racing at the thought of Quinn being in danger but he was grinning at her, his blue eyes sparkling as he replied. ‘That’s classified.’

‘What, you could tell me but then you’d have to silence me?’ She found herself smiling in return.

‘Something like that,’ he teased. ‘Let’s just say I’d much rather be here.’

Did he mean in Australia or right here, with her? Ali’s mind was turning in circles, trying to decipher what his smile, his dancing azure eyes and his words all meant.

He laughed. ‘I can’t believe I’ve been thinking about you and you’ve been under my nose all this time.’

He’d been thinking about her. ‘What do you mean, “all this time”?’

‘The night we met, at the bar,’ he explained, ‘the phone call I got was from my mother-in-law, telling me about Julieanne. I had intended to come back to you, I wanted to come back, but everything else took a back seat. I flew out the next morning, straight down here.’

‘So that’s why you didn’t give your keynote address.’

Quinn nodded.

‘You’ve been here since June?’ Ali asked.

‘I’ve been up and back to Brisbane a few times but I’ve been here for a few weeks now.’

She thought back to all those fleeting glimpses, all those moments when she’d thought she’d caught sight of him. Perhaps it hadn’t been her fanciful imagination. She couldn’t believe he’d been here all that time. Not that it would have made any difference had she known. Despite his intentions, she was sure his priorities would have been elsewhere.

‘If I’d known you were here I would have searched for you,’ he said.

‘Why?’

‘Because I find your presence cathartic.’ He smiled at her and Ali’s insides all but melted.

‘Is that a good thing?’

‘You make me feel calm and I need that right now. I needed it when we met but for other reasons. You make me forget about all the unpleasantness, the stress. I feel as though I can breathe properly when I’m with you.’

That was ironic, Ali thought, considering that when he was near her she almost forgot how to breathe. When he looked at her with his brilliant blue eyes it made her breath catch in her throat, made her feel light-headed and excited, as though the world was full of possibilities. She could get lost in his eyes. They shimmered like pools of clear blue water that tempted her to dive in and never resurface.

‘I’m glad I’m here,’ he repeated, and this time his meaning was clear.

He was perched on the edge of the desk, watching her mouth. Was he waiting for her to speak? Her gaze travelled from his eyes to his mouth. He was almost close enough to kiss. If she dipped her head their lips would meet.

Her breath caught in her throat and her lips parted as she struggled for air. She could imagine losing herself in his eyes, losing herself in his lips. She was glad he was here too and she quite liked the idea of escaping from reality for a while. Of losing herself in Quinn. But now wasn’t the time.

Ali stepped back, away from temptation, and changed the subject.

‘Why didn’t you quit the army and follow your family? You could get work anywhere.’

‘It’s more complicated than that. The army paid for med school, I can’t just quit. There’s a thing called return of service,’ he explained. ‘I have to repay them in time for every year of study they supported me for plus one year. It was that or buy out my service and I couldn’t afford that. I’ve got four months left.’

‘What are you going to do then?’

‘I don’t know.’

Ali had hoped he’d say he was planning on staying here but she knew it would depend on other factors. Julieanne’s condition would be the decider and no one was in control of that.

She took one last look at his mouth. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t take the chance. She wasn’t brave or courageous, certainly not enough to get involved in something that was complicated, potentially messy and tragic. She wasn’t strong enough for both of them.

Fate had brought them together again, even if she didn’t want to believe it, but circumstances would keep them apart no matter how much she wished things were different.




CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_c8a71d57-065a-527f-99ac-8b7a749e04ed)


Julieanne

JULIEANNE WAS EXHAUSTED. It hadn’t been a particularly strenuous day but she found any day that she had to go to appointments stressful. The drive through the hills from Stirling into the city, waiting for the appointment, waiting for results, they all took their toll. She’d had scans today. Scans that showed that, despite the radiotherapy, the tumour continued to grow. She hadn’t been surprised. She could feel things weren’t improving yet a tiny part of her had been hoping she’d been wrong. That was exhausting too, trying to keep positive when she knew things weren’t getting better.

And just because the bad news wasn’t unexpected didn’t make it any easier to hear. She tried not to dwell on the statistics but she knew the odds were not in her favour. Survival rates were pretty well non-existent with this type of tumour, fewer than three per cent of people survived past five years and the average life expectancy, even with treatment, was between seven and nine months. She was approaching five months. But she wasn’t ready to give up yet.

She lay on her bed, listening to the sounds of the twins in the bath. They’d had netball practice and a late dinner, neither of which Julieanne had had the energy for. There was so much she was missing out on and this was just the beginning. She hated the thought that she was going to miss out on the rest of their lives.

She was grateful to her mother and to Quinn for stepping in to help. She didn’t know how she would manage without them both but then Quinn had always tried to do the right thing. He was the type of man who took his responsibilities seriously.

Sometimes she wondered why she couldn’t have been happy with Quinn. Why she’d had to go looking for some excitement. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t be satisfied with a man who wasn’t only attractive but also intelligent and kind and decent?

But he hadn’t often been around.

Julieanne knew she’d embarked on the extramarital affairs as a cry for attention. She’d felt weighed down by the responsibility of motherhood, she’d felt as though she’d lost her identity. Quinn had been busy, he had been studying and fulfilling his defence force training commitments, but she hadn’t been able to see that he’d been suffering with the same feelings of pressure. She’d only seen that he’d got to escape from the constant, unending world of crying, sleepless babies who had forever needed changing and feeding. She knew now that her expectations of him had been unrealistic. He had been trying to finish his degree and at the same time keep a roof over his family’s heads. She knew a lot of other men would have never taken on the responsibility in the first place yet at the time she’d been so caught up with her own needs that she hadn’t stopped to consider Quinn.

When he hadn’t even noticed the first affair she’d embarked on another and another. It had given her a chance to feel like a woman again instead of just a mother. She hadn’t pretended she’d felt like a wife. A wife wouldn’t have behaved the way she had. She’d known she was playing with fire but she hadn’t been able to stop. She’d got bolder as she’d waited for him to notice. Waited for him to beg her to stop. Waited for him to tell her he loved her and that her affairs were breaking his heart.

But those words had never come.

She waited and waited but it was a long time before he found out. They were living in army accommodation where there wasn’t a lot of privacy, people saw things, people talked, and eventually someone told Quinn. But even then he didn’t profess his love. He just asked her what she planned to do. He didn’t throw it in her face that he was working and studying hard to provide for them and this was her way of thanking him. He didn’t accuse her of childish or selfish behaviour or of any of the things that he could have accused her of. Should have accused her of. She knew she’d behaved badly but she wondered now if he’d seen it as a way to get out of his commitment. Not to the children but to her. Would their relationship even have lasted if she hadn’t fallen pregnant? Was an unplanned pregnancy the only reason their relationship had lasted as long as it had?

The whine of the hairdryer interrupted her thoughts, the high-pitched noise competing for room in her brain. She had noticed she was having increasing trouble concentrating and any extraneous noise only compounded the problem.

She blocked out the noise as she asked herself a question she’d asked countless times before but had never been able to answer. Had she destroyed their relationship or would it have eventually run its course anyway?

She knew the answer was most probably yes. They’d been young. Too young. And naïve. She suspected it would have run its course but she would never know for certain.

Whatever the answer, she still couldn’t believe she’d behaved so appallingly. She’d treated Quinn so badly and yet here he was, back beside her, offering his help and support. Even if he wasn’t offering his love, he was doing more than she deserved. But she knew he was doing it for his children.

He may not have always been there for them but he was here now and she needed to prepare him for what would come next. She needed to prepare all of them. This was going to be her last gift, her attempt to right all the wrongs she’d done to Quinn. To make amends. Her last chance to try to leave them all in a good place.

Someone switched the hairdryer off and the irritating whine was replaced by the sound of her daughters’ giggles. They skipped into her room, decked out in pink pyjamas, their cheeks still flushed from the heat of the bath, her blonde hair, Quinn’s brilliant blue eyes. Julieanne felt her spirits lift. She and Quinn may have been a mistake but she had no regrets. That mistake had given them these two gorgeous girls and despite her early struggles she loved her daughters. She knew they were the best things that had ever happened to her and she needed to do her best by them now.

‘What’s so funny?’ she asked.

‘Granny was teaching Dad how to wash our hair.’

‘How did he go?’

‘He didn’t use enough shampoo.’

‘He said it’s ’cos he hardly has to use any ’cos his hair is so short.’

‘Your hair looks pretty to me.’ Their hair fell in glossy, healthy sheaths to their shoulders, Eliza’s still longer than Beth’s. ‘Did he get all the knots out?’

‘Granny did.’

‘Can you brush it for us?’

‘Sure. I’ll do yours first, Liza, then you can swap with Beth.’

Quinn stuck his head around the door and as Julieanne looked into his blue eyes she wished again that she hadn’t messed things up. ‘Are you okay?’ he asked.

Julieanne nodded. This was a relaxing activity. A good one to do as they wound down for bed.

‘I’ll just go and clear up the dinner dishes and then I’ll read to the girls,’ Quinn said.

‘What’s Mum doing?’ Julieanne asked him.

‘Ironing the girls’ school shirts.’

Between them they were doing all the things she used to do. Routine things that she had done, day in, day out. She’d once wished, on some days, that she’d had someone to share that load, someone to do those neverend-ing tasks, but now she wished she had the energy and the attention span to do the ironing or to stand at the kitchen sink.

She brushed her daughters’ hair as she listened to their chatter. They didn’t need much input from her, they were content with each other’s company and Beth, in particular, didn’t look for her input. Julieanne was happy to sit and listen. Happy just to be part of their lives.

‘Who’s ready for a story?’ Quinn was back.

‘Would you mind reading it in here?’ Julieanne asked. ‘The girls can lie with me and listen.’ She wasn’t ready for the girls to leave her yet. She was feeling melancholy.

Quinn nodded. There was an antique wing chair in the corner of the room and he folded himself into it and draped one leg over the arm. Julieanne tried to ignore how out of place he looked in her room. She had redecorated earlier in the year and while it wasn’t frilly or fussy it was very feminine with a lot of accents of her favourite colour, pink. Quinn looked far too rugged and large for the dainty chair and the fabrics of his surroundings.

Julieanne closed her eyes as he started to read. She had one twin on each side of her, their warm bodies pressed up against her. She could breathe in their clean, apple scent from the soap and shampoo.

‘Can we sleep here with Mummy?’ Beth asked as Quinn finished the second chapter.

‘Please, Daddy, you can sleep on the couch,’ Eliza added.

Julieanne was still amazed at how the girls had never really noticed that their parents were divorced. She could only suppose that because Quinn had spent so little time in the country over the past two years they were more used to him being absent than present, so divorced or away was really no different. And because he went to bed after them and got up before them, they didn’t notice that he slept in the study.

Quinn nodded as he stood and picked up the cashmere blanket that was draped over the back of the wing chair. He spread the rug over the girls and Julieanne. ‘I’ll carry you to your beds later, though, okay,’ he told them, ‘so that you don’t disturb Mum with your wriggling.’

Julieanne stirred when Quinn returned and lifted the blanket off the sleeping trio. She opened her eyes and watched as he scooped Eliza off the bed. She looked as light as a feather in his arms. Eliza turned her face into Quinn’s chest, tucking herself against him. He kissed her forehead as she snuggled against him. She was the more affectionate of the girls, the one who needed more physical attention. The one who was most like Julieanne.

There was more of Quinn in Beth. She had the same determination, the same courage of her convictions. Once she made a decision she very rarely changed her mind. She was loyal but she didn’t need constant reassurance. She was more likely to give it to others.

Julieanne hoped that when the time came, when the girls were without her, Beth would get comfort. She would need it as, despite her independent nature, she was only nine. Eliza would be fine, she would seek solace and love and reassurance, but it wasn’t in Beth’s nature. Julieanne would have to remember to tell Quinn to watch out for her.




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