The Baby Chronicles
The Baby Chronicles
Lissa Manley
SHE DIDN'T DO CUTE OR CUDDLY.But reporter Colleen Stewart's latest article sent her bravely charging into the dangerous world of toddlers. Yet she hadn't realized quite how much peril she was in. Because not only was she surrounded by precocious crumb-snatchers, she also had to work with Aiden Forbes–the one man she almost gave up her career for….HE WASN'T USED TO DIAPERS AND DROOL.But still recovering from his last assignment, Aiden needed this job. Would this war-hardened photographer survive the babies–and also Colleen's rejection? Aiden's next battle would be his toughest because now he had to make Colleen realize she needed a child–his child!
“We kissed at sun Mountain. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t think I was trying to…rekindle something, that’s all.”
The thought of rekindling anything with Colleen filled Aiden with a raging heat he did his best to ignore. “Hey, I’m on the same page. The last thing I want is to relive our history.”
She scowled, creating cute creases between her eyebrows. “Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?”
He stared at her. “I’m sorry if that sounded cold, but both of us know that we need to keep our distance.”
Colleen nodded, wishing he didn’t look so yummy in his khakis and polo shirt that displayed his well-muscled arms so wonderfully. His masculine scent teased her.
Oh, how she wanted to snuggle close to him and have him wrap his strong, capable arms—
She cut that rogue thought off, reminding herself that she wasn’t here to wish herself back into Aiden’s life….
Dear Reader,
I’ve put together a list of Silhouette Romance New Year’s resolutions to help you get off to a great start in 2004!
• Play along with our favorite boss’s daughter’s mischievous, matchmaking high jinks. In Rules of Engagement (#1702) by Carla Cassidy, Emily Winters—aka the love goddess—is hoping to unite a brooding exec and feisty businesswoman. This is the fifth title in Silhouette Romance’s exclusive, six-book MARRYING THE BOSS’s DAUGHTER series.
• Enjoy every delightful word of The Bachelor Boss (#1703) by the always-popular Julianna Morris. In this modern romantic fairy tale, a prim plain Jane melts the heart of a sexy playboy.
• Join the fun when a cowboy’s life is turned inside out by a softhearted beauty and the tiny charge he finds on his doorstep. Baby, Oh Baby! (#1704) is the first title in Teresa Southwick’s enchanting new three-book miniseries IF WISHES WERE… Stay tuned next month for the next title in this series that features three friends who have their dreams come true in unexpected ways.
• Be sure not to miss The Baby Chronicles (#1705) by Lissa Manley. This heartwarming reunion romance is sure to put a satisfied smile on your face.
Have a great New Year!
Mavis C. Allen
Associate Senior Editor
The Baby Chronicles
Lissa Manley
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
This book is dedicated to my very own babies,
Laura and Sean, who have grown up letting Mom write.
Thanks for taking care of yourselves and for being so
enthusiastic about my writing career. You two are
the best kids a mom could ever ask for.
Books by Lissa Manley
Silhouette Romance
The Bachelor Chronicles #1665
The Bridal Chronicles #1689
The Baby Chronicles #1705
LISSA MANLEY
has been an avid reader of romance since her teens and firmly believes that writing romances with happy endings is her dream job. She lives in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her college-sweetheart husband of nineteen years, Kevin, two children, Laura and Sean, and two feisty toy poodles named Lexi and Angel, who run the household and get away with it. She has a degree in business from the University of Oregon, having discovered the joys of writing well after her college years. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, crafting, attending her children’s sporting events and relaxing at the family vacation home in the Oregon coast.
Lissa loves to hear from her readers. She can be reached at P.O. Box 91336, Portland, OR 97291-0336, or at http://lissamanley.com (http://lissamanley.com).
MEMO
Colleen—The Beacon will be running a feature entitled THE BABY CHRONICLES. This new story will include pictures of cute babies coupled with your copy.
I’m assigning you to this story.
To give the feature a unique edge, I’ll be bringing in a freelance photographer. You’ll meet him as soon as he’s back in town, and you’ll find out about the exciting plans he has for this article. [Be nice to him…or else.]
Congratulations on your new assignment.
Contents
Chapter One (#u3df152ba-fad1-5760-ac14-dcce67e04b44)
Chapter Two (#u772e6290-3fa2-59e0-96ab-0356143bf24d)
Chapter Three (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One
Colleen Stewart shifted uneasily on the hard chair across from her editor’s large, metal desk, holding back a ragged sigh.
Cold, hard dread inched through her. She had to find a way to get out of writing this article. She would never, ever be able to write “The Baby Chronicles” without letting all of those smiling, cooing, bald little toothless angels turn her heart to mush.
Mush she didn’t need.
“I don’t see what the problem is,” Joe said, yanking his stained yellow-and-red tie loose. “All you have to do is write about cute babies. Piece of cake.”
Cute babies a piece of cake? Hardly. “Joe, I turned down this assignment a week ago,” she said, deliberately excluding the reason she’d talked her way out of the job in the first place. Joe would laugh his head off. “Nothing has changed. I still don’t want to do it. Can’t you get someone else?”
He waved a hand in the air. “No can do. Rudy left town for a family emergency and Christy has her hands full covering the budget cuts at the school district. You’re it.”
Colleen bit her lip. “What about Angela?”
“On maternity leave.”
“Steve?”
“I fired him this morning.”
She flinched but kept at it, leaning forward. “Zack?”
“You’re it, Colleen.” He pulled his bushy, gray eyebrows together and scowled. “What’s the big deal, anyway? Just supervise the shoot and write the story, all right?”
She’d love to tell Joe why this seemingly harmless assignment was a big deal for her. But she couldn’t. Joe was a hard-line journalist and a traditional family man from way back. He would never understand her need to stay away from things like endearing babies, cute little animals, large, close-knit families and nice, lovable men. She’d learned long ago that there was no sense in hanging around things she could never have.
Things that made her ache inside.
She opened her mouth to refuse, but Joe’s ice-hard glare stopped her and she clamped her lips closed. Further argument was useless. She prided herself on her ability to get through tough situations with strength and self-control, just as she’d made it through her neglected childhood all by herself. She’d write this article while remaining unengaged and unfazed by the undoubtedly adorable babies. She had to. Her job as a reporter at the Beacon and her protected little world here in Portland, Oregon, depended on it.
“Anything else?” she asked, trying to sound up-beat. She glanced out the window, hoping the blue-skied, puffy-clouded summer day would cheer her up.
“Yeah, actually there is one more thing. We’re bringing in a freelance photographer for this spread.”
A psychological cloud moved across the sun. Her gut tightened. Ever since she’d been shuffled through the foster-care system, meeting knew people always made her feel off balance and vulnerable. “Really? Why?”
Joe shrugged. “The guy’s good, and he offered his talent for dirt cheap. Wants to build a career photographing kids. Thought this would be a good opportunity.” He looked over her head and smiled. “Ah. Here he is now.”
A barely perceptible, woodsy scent drifted across the air, teasing Colleen’s nose. She froze, momentarily confused, and a long, heart-pounding second later, recognition thudded into place. Only one person she’d ever known had smelled like a combination of trees and wind and the great outdoors.
Aiden.
But that was impossible. Aiden was overseas in some godforsaken, war-torn country taking pictures.
“Taking pictures,” she mouthed.
No. No way. She was imagining that outdoorsy, distinctive, heart-stopping scent, right? Aiden Forbes was thousands of miles away right now. He was absolutely, positively not standing behind her, ready to take over his new, unlikely job as baby photographer.
Almost incapable of movement, she somehow pressed a shaking hand to her fluttering stomach. A chill rushed up her spine, scattering goose bumps over her entire body.
Please don’t let it be him, please don’t let it be him. She’d broken up with Aiden eight years ago because he’d shown her, by loving her so completely, how incapable of loving she was.
Aiden was just a painful reminder of the unfixable flaw inside her and of all of the ramifications that flaw had had in her life. With Aiden around, she’d never been able to forget the defect that had made her parents ditch her into the foster-care system.
A deep, hauntingly familiar voice scraped across her raw nerves like a rusty chainsaw on metal, dashing her stupid hopes. “You must be Joe Capriati.” From the corner of her eye she saw a large, tanned hand reach to Joe over her shoulder. “I’m Aiden Forbes.”
Time slowed to a crawl. In the millisecond it took Colleen to draw a choked, desperate breath, her world tilted on its axis and almost sputtered to a stop.
She pressed her other quivering hand to the side of her face and bent her head, ridiculously trying to hide, even though she was dying to look at Aiden and see how the years had changed him. But she didn’t look, she couldn’t even move. Maybe he wouldn’t recognize her.
Of course he would. He wasn’t popping his head in for just a moment. He was the photographer on the story she’d just been assigned. She was going to have to work with him. Side by side. Photographing precious babies.
She closed her eyes and shook her head, wishing the floor would open up and swallow her whole.
Aiden Forbes, the only man who had ever been able to crack open the door to her flawed, vulnerable heart, was back.
Shaking Joe’s beefy hand, Aiden’s attention remained stuck on the seated woman he’d had to reach over, her blond, curly hair spilling down her back like wavy, near-white gold. She had a hand pressed to the side of her face, trying to…hide?
Something in the set of her shoulders seemed familiar, but he couldn’t put his finger on why. He’d only been back from Bosnia for a week, and he certainly hadn’t met anyone with that kind of hair.
Only one woman he’d ever known had had hair like that…
Nah. Couldn’t be her. Colleen had always said she’d blow this town as soon as she could. She was long gone by now, out of his life forever.
His curiosity and male awareness got the best of him, though. Would this woman have a face to match those long, perfect curls? As he pulled his hand away from Joe, he leaned sideways to get a look at her.
His heart stalled.
It was Colleen.
A jolt of stunned surprise exploded in him like a Scud missile going to ground, and the day she’d busted his heart into a million pieces flashed in his brain. Surprisingly sharp pain knifed him, as if she’d walked out on him yesterday instead of eight years ago.
I don’t love you, Aiden. I never will.
Her parting words still ripped through him like a tropical typhoon, jabbing at the rough scar she’d carved in his heart.
He mentally recoiled from that burning ache, hating the bitter reminder of the love she hadn’t returned, of how she’d walked away, leaving his dreams of a home and family in the dust.
The hellish years he’d spent photographing things most people saw only in their nightmares had honed his recovery skills to a fine point. But recovering from the shock of unexpectedly seeing the only woman he’d ever loved sitting right here, bringing all of the old pain and gagging bitterness to the surface, was damn hard.
She dropped her hand and looked the way he felt when he’d blown a whole roll of film. Tiny lines had formed between her delicate eyebrows and her plump, perfectly made-up mouth—painted in the same pink, totally hot shade she’d always worn—was pressed into a tight line.
“Colleen Stewart,” he drawled, hoping to keep the clawing pain inside him from showing. “That glad to see me?”
She slanted a gaze up at him and smiled a fake little familiar smile, the one she used when she didn’t want to talk, the one he’d seen often and always dreaded. Her intense blue eyes, which reminded him of the sky on a perfect summer day, sparked. “You have no idea.”
He lifted an eyebrow and tightened his jaw. What the hell was her problem? She’d dumped him on his butt, not the other way around.
Even though they’d only dated for two months, he’d been ready to sacrifice his dreams of being an international photojournalist to settle down and marry her, wanting the kind of traditional family he’d grown up in. But she’d blithely shredded his heart. In pain, he’d dived headfirst into another life, which had only led to more pain.
Images of suffering children exploded in his brain. Doggedly, Aiden held the horrific memories at bay, not wanting to go down that familiar, ache-filled road right now. But he would eventually. Oh, yeah, he would. For years while overseas, and even now, his nights had been reserved for that particular torture.
Eventually, his sleepless nights spent in the throes of nightmares had caught up with him and he’d begun to make tactical mistakes, putting his own life at risk. His best friend had given it to him straight—it was time to head home to a job that wasn’t going to cost him, or someone else, their life. Aiden had agreed, unable to function, and came home to something more life-affirming, something meant to eradicate the memories of the babies he couldn’t save.
Joe cleared his throat, dragging Aiden away from his awful memories. Joe looked back and forth between Aiden and Colleen. “You know each other?” He plopped his rotund body back down into his creaky leather chair.
“Oh, yeah,” Colleen muttered, pressing her mouth into a tight smile. “We go way back. Don’t we, Aiden?”
Even though he was bugged by her flip tone, he managed to smile at Joe, not wanting to come off as difficult. He needed this job. Badly. “Colleen and I went to journalism school together.” And I was stupid enough to fall in love with her.
“Ah. Well, good,” Joe said, inclining his head. “Saves the getting-to-know process.” He looked at Colleen. “Colleen, since you’re familiar with how we put these articles together, why don’t you take Aiden to your office and fill him in.” He looked back to Aiden. “And you fill her in on the plans we discussed on the phone.”
Aiden’s stomach plummeted. He jumped his gaze to Joe. “She’s the reporter?”
Joe nodded. “Yup. Is that a problem? She did a great job on ‘The Bridal Chronicles.”’
Damn. Colleen was the last person Aiden wanted to work with, the last person he’d ever wanted to see again. The bone-deep bitterness he’d felt when she’d thrown his proposal back into his face and ended their relationship reared up like a cobra and bit him hard.
There was no way he was going to stir up and relive all kinds of bad feelings—pain, betrayal, bitterness—by working with her.
Slow down, Forbes. This job was his best shot in Portland to gain some attention as a baby photographer. No, he wasn’t about to make waves and come across as difficult to Joe and he wasn’t about to let Colleen take control of his life again. He would find a way to work with her, even if it killed him.
Aiden arranged his mouth into a smile. “No, not at all.”
Joe smiled. “Good. Hey, one more thing. I have to tell you, the photos of the kids you sent in with your portfolio blew me away. Got any more?”
Aiden suppressed a shudder at the mention of the graphic black-and-white pictures of children he’d taken, unable to stop remembering their haunting poignancy. He’d only brought them out to snag this job and never intended to look at or deal with them again. “I gave them to my mom,” he said truthfully. “I have no idea what she’s done with them.” He hoped his tone conveyed how final that explanation was. Nothing could convince him to haul out those photos again.
Joe nodded. “Ah. All right.”
Aiden looked at Colleen, needing to move on to getting started. “You ready?”
Colleen widened her blue eyes, apparently surprised that he was agreeing to work with her. Hell, he was surprised he was agreeing. But this job would be worth it.
After a long pause, she tersely nodded and stood, smoothing her skirt. Aiden couldn’t help giving her a quick once-over. He had to admit she’d matured well. Her once slender college-girl’s body had blossomed into a curvy, womanly shape, displayed perfectly by the figure-hugging, knee-length navy blue skirt and jacket she wore.
He stepped back and gestured for her to pass him. “Ladies first.”
She scooted past, her eyes averted.
Her scent washed over him—fresh, tangy peaches—stirring up his senses as it always had. His male radar kicked into high gear and he watched her walk away, appreciating her long, willowy legs and the way her rounded hips moved beneath her tight skirt.
His blood began to percolate. Great. The absolute last thing he wanted was to get a renewed case of the hots for Colleen. Bad, bad idea.
But, boy, did she look good…
What the hell am I thinking?
He’d returned to Portland to reestablish ties with his large family and to get rid of the guilt and dark memories his time overseas had embedded in his brain. He hadn’t come back to get tangled up in a mess like Colleen. She might call to him on a male level he didn’t have much control over, but there was no damn way he was ever going to let her get close enough to knife him in the heart again.
Feeling marginally better, he said goodbye to Joe and left his office. Nope, Colleen didn’t have the power to affect him any longer.
After the anguish and searing heartache she’d put him through, he’d make sure of it.
“I can’t let him get to me,” Colleen said to herself, a bad habit she’d picked up during her early childhood, before foster care, when her parents were always gone and she hadn’t had anyone else to talk to.
She repeated the words over and over again as she hightailed it toward her office, desperately hoping that if she said the words she would magically be successful.
But she was a realist. She’d quit believing in magic when she was six and her mother had chosen to spend Christmas with her boyfriend in a hotel room, and her father had taken his new wife on a cruise rather than spend the day with Colleen. She’d been left alone for the day and most of the night, huddled on the couch, watching Christmas movies, tears streaming down her cheeks. She’d been forever changed on that cold, gray day.
Her innocent love and faith in her parents, along with her little girl’s belief in magic, had died a quick, inevitable death, only to die all over again when they abandoned her to the foster-care system when she was nine. One thought had cemented itself in her brain then, and had a profound influence on the rest of her life. There was something missing inside her, some flaw that kept her from being able to love and nurture a relationship, even with the two people who were supposed to love her no matter what—her mom and dad.
No, there was no use hoping for a magical solution. She was going to have to deal with Aiden—which meant getting rid of him. He was going to step into her office and she would be sucked back into his appeal. Oh, how she remembered his heart-stopping green eyes, keen sense of humor and wide, generous smile.
And how cherished she’d felt when she was wrapped in his arms.
She jerked her thoughts away from useless memories. Feeling warm, she pulled off her jacket and flung it on a pile of overfilled file folders in the corner, then gave in to her wobbly knees and sat down behind her paper-strewn desk.
Aware that he would arrive any second, she pressed a shaking hand to her chest to calm her jumpy heart, took a deep, cleansing breath and closed her eyes for a moment, summoning up her trustworthy control. She could get through this if she remained calm, cool and unaffected.
She sat up straight a mere second before Aiden stepped into her cube, instantly filling the drab, messy little space with his large, vibrant self. She forced herself to look directly at him instead of fooling with the voluminous stacks of papers on her desk as she was inclined to do.
He simply stood in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. His shadowed eyes reflected a shrewd perceptiveness that sent a weird, hot, shivery chill down her spine.
Of course, he looked too darn good. He always had. It wasn’t surprising that he was still absolutely gorgeous, the epitome, in fact, of her concept of the ideal male. Physically, at least. There was no such thing as an emotionally ideal male for someone like her.
His tall, once-rangy body had filled out very, very nicely since the last time she’d seen him. His shoulders seemed broader, his arms thicker. An impossibly wide chest, perfectly displayed by the short-sleeved, forest-green knit shirt he wore, looked firmer and more muscled, and tapered down into a taut waist and legs that were long and solid-looking beneath his khaki trousers.
His mahogany-shaded hair was shorter than she remembered, and he’d gelled the longer hair on top into a funky, spiky texture that somehow complemented his chiseled, masculine features and lightly tanned face.
But it was his sea-green eyes that, true to her memories, got to her the most. He looked at her, pinning her in place, and she was unable to move a muscle or form a coherent thought. Yes, those incredible eyes had always been able to see into her soul.
Why can’t you love me, Colly?
His old question echoed in her head, reminding her of the wall he’d tried to tear down inside her, the love he’d seemed determined to wring from her barren heart.
The love she didn’t know how to return.
Her shaky control almost splintered, but she gathered her composure around her like an old lady’s tattered shawl, determined to act normal and calm around him even if she dropped dead from the effort, which at the moment seemed highly likely. She folded her damp hands on the top of her desk, noticing how hollow his cheeks seemed.
He spoke first. “So I guess you’re not too happy to see me,” he said, his voice harsh and low.
She frowned, surprised by his cold tone. Mercy, was he still mad about their breakup? “Are you still upset about…what happened?”
He pressed his mouth into a harsh line. “Of course not.”
She wasn’t going to argue with him, but his tone and expression suggested he wasn’t being truthful. Even so, it wouldn’t hurt to apologize. She’d always felt guilty for breaking up with him, even though it was the only option open to her. “Good. But for the record, I’m sorry for what I did…walking out on you.”
He snorted. “Yeah, right.”
She pulled in her chin. “You don’t think I’m sorry?” Figured. They had never been on the same wavelength emotionally.
“What I think about what happened eight years ago doesn’t matter.” He pierced her with those intense, emerald eyes. “You just look damn unhappy to see me.”
He always was too perceptive. “Why would you say that?” she asked, cursing the hitch in her voice.
“Oh, come on.” He stepped closer. “You look like you have a stick up your…uh, well, you just look pretty unhappy.”
“I’m not particularly happy or unhappy to see you,” she said, lying. At this moment, she would have been happier to see Jack the Ripper, who would spare her and just kill her. But Aiden, well, Aiden had the ability to make her bleed inside, just as her parents had, and that terrified her.
He snorted under his breath and rolled his eyes. “Still the same old Colleen.”
She bristled, but then reminded herself whom she was dealing with here. This was Aiden, for goodness’ sake. He’d always had the amazing, frightening ability to turn her inside out. She would go to her grave before she’d let that happen again.
A slow, hot burn started in her chest. Thankfully, anger was the one emotion she could handle right now. Embracing her anger, she deliberately stood, placing her hands on her desk. She stared him down. “How dare you sashay in here after eight years and take up where you left off, badgering me. You don’t have a clue about me.”
He didn’t flinch from her caustic tone. Instead, he looked at her for a long, significant moment, and then leaned in so that only inches separated their faces. His pine-clean scent hit her like a Mack truck and his nearness sent hot tingles of awareness shooting through her body. And darn if her hair didn’t almost catch fire.
He drilled her with sharp, assessing eyes. “I know you well enough to tell when you’re royally pissed off. You never were very good at hiding that, were you?”
Her cheeks warmed even more and she jerked away, needing to breathe in air that wasn’t tainted by the big man in front of her. She took a deep, shaky breath and fought the urge to check her hair.
Mercy, she didn’t want to deal with Aiden and his unwanted emotional analysis, she never had. The day he’d asked her to marry him and she’d had to walk away, her flaw oozing like acid inside her, she’d realized that she was so emotionally incomplete she’d never have a normal life with a family of her own and a man who loved her.
Over the years, she’d learned to deal with that harsh reality, but here Aiden was, picking her apart, dredging up memories that were best forgotten, pain that she didn’t want to go through again.
She tore her gaze from his and sat down, swallowing a huge, burning lump that had grown in her throat. “Look, none of this is relevant,” she said, her voice quivering. “Let’s just talk about ‘The Baby Chronicles,’ okay?” She tried to smile to cover up the turmoil inside her, but all that she could manage was a half grin that made her eyes twitch.
He searched her face, then his expression softened ever so slightly. “Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He rubbed his neck and cast a quick glance at the ceiling. “I was just a little ticked off that you couldn’t even manage to give me a cordial greeting.”
Now she felt like a total louse. She had given him a pretty shabby reception. She met his gaze and gave him a genuine smile. “I’m glad you’re okay,” she said, unwilling to say she was glad to see him when she really wasn’t. “You just…threw me off guard. I was upset about having to take on this assignment, and your showing up when you did was just a bit too much to deal with all at once.”
“Hey, I’m not that happy about the situation, either.” He frowned and his mouth thinned. “Are you upset about having to take this assignment because you have to work with me?”
Of course. “I didn’t know I’d be working with you until you walked in,” she said, uncomfortable with sharing the truth about needing to put a wall between herself and things like cute babies and…him.
“Then what’s the problem? From what I’ve been told, the last two features, on—what were they—?” He dropped into the rickety metal and plastic chair jammed in the corner of her cube. “Brides and bachelors?”
She nodded.
“Apparently those features were hugely popular and increased readership for the Beacon. I would think you’d want the byline.”
“Yeah, well, you’d be wrong,” she muttered, gathering up the usual assortment of paper clips and pens that lay scattered across her desk.
As she sorted the paper clips and shoved the pens into her desk drawer he said nothing, just sat and stared, and she could almost hear the gears turning inside his head while he tried to figure her out.
Boy, did she wish she’d kept her mouth shut about not wanting this assignment. Aiden would undoubtedly pick her motivation apart the way he always had, in hopes of making everything “all better.” And that was impossible. She couldn’t be fixed—her flaw ran too deep and too wide—and she couldn’t bear the sadness that would overcome her when she was reminded of that over and over again.
And was reminded of how she’d had to walk away from someone as special as Aiden.
He leaned forward, his eyes reflecting a resigned unhappiness that tugged on her heart in a way that always filled her with a dull sense of despair.
He broke the nerve-racking silence and said, “Look, Colleen, obviously you’re upset about something, but I’m not going to waste my time trying to get you to tell me about it.” He shook his head. “I know from experience that that would be a waste of time. So we’ll skip the small talk and get down to business. All I want is to take pictures of babies. Okay?”
No, it wasn’t okay. Being near him again, the possibility that he might be able to get under her skin again, absolutely terrified her. “Why do you want this job in the first place?” she asked, hoping to come up with something to get out of working with him.
He sat back, his eyes suddenly shuttered, and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “I’m a photographer. I want to take pictures of babies.”
“And?”
“And what?” He looked away. When he looked back, a dark shadow lingered in the depths of his green eyes. “That’s it.”
He was holding something back. What? She ruthlessly squelched her burgeoning curiosity, determined to stay uninterested, and leaped to the heart of the matter. “I was hoping you’d reconsider taking the job.”
He pulled a face. “Are you crazy? This assignment could launch a new career for me. Why would I turn it down?”
Again, she wondered why he needed a new career, why he was back. Rather than give in to her nosiness and ask him, she gave him a sweet, hopeful smile in an effort to charm him into doing what she wanted. “Because I asked you to?”
“And why should that matter?”
She held up a hand and wiggled her fingers in a mock wave. “Because we’re old friends?”
He laughed humorlessly, snagging her gaze again with his intense green eyes. A hot arrow of fire shot through her, relighting a compelling need, reminding her of how hot and heavy their physical relationship had been, how much time they’d spent in his bed. But sex hadn’t been enough for him, even though that had been, ultimately, all she’d been able to give.
“Let me get this straight,” he said, interrupting her thoughts. “You can’t give me a ‘Hi, how ya doin’?,’ and obviously don’t give a rip about our past…relationship. But I’m supposed to turn down this job because we’re old friends?”
Shame marched through her stomach like angry ants. She had been rude to him, even though she prided herself on never letting things bother her, something she’d perfected at an early age out of sheer necessity. It was time to act like the woman she wanted to be. Calm. Rational. Unflappable. She owed Aiden another apology, and she owed him this job.
Okay, she didn’t exactly owe him the job, but she couldn’t make him give up something that obviously meant so much to him, although she wondered why it meant so much to him. Did he need the money? What was going on in his life now?
Hold it. She wouldn’t go there, she wouldn’t let Aiden’s current situation matter. She didn’t care, couldn’t care about him again in any way, no matter how small. She had to protect herself.
And there was one tiny little detail she couldn’t ignore: he could take the job if he wanted, whether she liked it or not. And after the way she’d behaved today, there was no way he was going to be doing her any favors.
So, it looked as if she was stuck with him as her photographer. And she accepted that. She’d learned long ago, at her neglectful parents’ knees, not to rail against cruel fate for very long—it never made any difference.
She threw him a sheepish, contrite smile. “You’re right. It was unreasonable of me to ask you to turn this job down. I’m sorry. Obviously I overreacted.” Aiden had always had that effect on her.
He relaxed back into the too-small chair and nodded. “Let’s just move on, all right?”
She nodded slowly, wondering why he was letting this go, why he wasn’t pressing her as he’d always done before. She gave a mental shrug, determined not to wonder about Aiden anymore. She needed to concentrate on dealing with “The Baby Chronicles.” The best thing for her would be to schedule the shoot, get it over with in a single afternoon, spending as little time with Aiden and the babies as possible.
“All right,” she said in a curt, businesslike voice, forging ahead. “Let’s discuss which afternoon next week we’ll take the pictures.” She shoved a thick stack of papers aside, looking for her day planner.
“Afternoon? What’re you talking about? We’re going on location.”
Her hands froze on her planner, still half buried beneath several old issues of the Beacon. She narrowed her eyes and looked at Aiden, praying that she’d suddenly become hard-of-hearing. “Excuse me?” she asked, barely moving her lips.
He leaned forward, his eyebrows raised high. “Which part don’t you understand? Joe gave me permission to go on location to Sun Mountain for a long weekend. I want to take pictures of the babies outside with Mount Bachelor in the background.”
Her stomach clenched. “No way,” she intoned, shaking her head. She absolutely, positively did not want to go anywhere with Aiden. Being around him had always threatened her vow to stay unengaged, to keep her heart safe. She knew from past experience that Aiden was as far from safe as she could get.
He unfolded his big body and stood, towering over her. She slowly looked up at him and fought to keep her jaw from falling at his imposing, utterly masculine presence. Her heart expanded in her chest, bringing forth the absurd desire to stand up and walk over and bury herself in his warm, comforting embrace, to soak up all the love he’d been so willing to shower on her.
The love she’d had to walk away from.
Sadness weighing her down, she saw the new lines in the skin around his eyes, the shadows under his eyes and the slight hollows in his cheeks she’d noticed earlier. His face reflected a hardness she’d never seen before, a weariness that seemed to go bone deep, as if he’d gone through hell. What had happened during his years overseas to cause those changes?
She shook off her curiosity, determined not to get caught up in Aiden again. Nothing had changed; she still wouldn’t know how to love him. Not that he’d ever want her again.
He leaned down and placed his hands on her desk. “Yup, pack your bags, sweetheart. We’re going on a trip together.” His eyes glinted with cold, hard determination. “Soon.”
She sagged back in her chair and an absurd kind of panic rose in her, almost choking her. She’d spent years recovering after walking away from a wonderful man like Aiden. She was finally in a place where she was fairly happy, a place where she’d accepted that she was destined to be alone.
Now she felt as if she was in a frightening time warp, starring Aiden. In the last fifteen minutes, he’d marched back into her life and turned her stable, carefully crafted world upside down and made her feel things she didn’t want to deal with.
To make matters worse, he hadn’t just stepped back into her existence for an afternoon. Oh, no. She had to go away with him for a whole darn weekend.
Damn fate, anyway.
Chapter Two
Aiden tried not to stare at Colleen’s pink, open mouth, tried not to let her wide-eyed, horrified expression cut too deep. Obviously she thought going away with him was akin to taking a vacation with Charles Manson. Searching for levity to break the thick tension that had sprung up between them and calm the dull pain knifing in his gut, he said, “A fly will get in if you leave your mouth hanging open like that.”
She clamped her mouth closed and glowered, drawing her perfectly arched, dark blond eyebrows together, presumably to look stern. “Very funny.” Obviously she didn’t appreciate his attempt at humor.
“Hey, whatever works,” he said with forced lightness, determined not to dwell on the fact that he had to work with the woman who’d crept under his skin eight years ago and dismantled his heart like a one-woman wrecking crew.
“You think this is amusing?” She began to quickly shuffle through the masses of papers covering every square inch of her desk, nervously jumping from pile to pile. Odd, she’d never been the twitchy sort before.
He let out a heavy breath. “No, not amusing. But not the end of the world, either. C’mon, Colleen, lighten up.” If he could deal with this after she’d cut a hole in his heart she damn well could, too.
She yanked out a sheaf of papers and began to thumb through the stack. “I wish that were possible.”
“Why isn’t it?”
Her worry-studded gaze flicked up and held on him for a long moment, then darted back down to peruse the papers in her hands. “I told you. I don’t want this assignment.”
“Why not?” he asked before he could call the words back, irritated that he cared about her reactions at all. Nothing but trouble there.
“I just don’t.” She shot to her feet, turned away and opened a file cabinet, ignoring him again.
He stood in silence, staring at her narrow back and blond, curly hair. A memory of her on the beach, smiling at him, the blue sky behind her, her hair blowing in the ocean breeze, popped into his brain—
He stopped the image in its tracks. Those were the memories of Colleen that had tortured him while he huddled against bombed-out buildings in the dark during cold, endless nights. Funny how those memories had also kept him warm deep inside, encouraging him to go on when scenes of death and starving children and leveled villages had cut across his heart and soul and branded themselves in his brain forever.
Fortunately he didn’t need memories of Colleen to get him through anymore, to keep him warm. His new, life-affirming job taking pictures of babies would do that.
Dragging his gaze away, he fisted his hands at his sides. He had to concentrate on his work, not how his memories of her had helped him through the darkest hours of his life.
Despite that one and only benefit of his past relationship with her, he couldn’t ever let himself forget that she’d coldheartedly eviscerated him. End of story. He refused to let himself care about her beyond working on this article together.
“Dammit, Colleen.” He reached out and tugged on her elbow. Her soft, peachy scent assaulted his senses. “We have to work together.”
She spun around and the papers in her hands fluttered to the floor. She jerked away. “Do you mind?”
He dropped his hand. She was right. He shouldn’t be touching her. “All I want to do is talk—”
“We’ll talk about the story, nothing more.”
“Hey. Cool. That’s exactly what I was going to say. So you’re going to find a way to work with me so we can collaborate on a quality piece?”
She froze, staring, and a whisper of naked vulnerability flashed in her eyes. She looked down and slowly turned back to the file cabinet, shutting him out again.
He opened and closed his fists, determined not to let himself wonder or care about her vulnerability—or anything else about her. “I’m not going to let you ruin the spread. This is too important to me to let you do that.”
She twisted back around and met his gaze, then opened her mouth to speak, but clamped it tightly shut. She closed her eyes briefly, and when she opened them, a studied blankness assailed him.
To his irritation, right on cue, as if he’d been plunked down in the past, his chest pulled tight. He ignored the tugging sensation, determined not to give a rip about Colleen again. He’d seen that expression before, more times than he could count. Thankfully her utter blankness, so familiar, so damn steadfast, didn’t matter anymore.
He wouldn’t let it.
“I…uh, I need to get something. I’ll be right back.” She walked from behind her desk and left him standing alone in her cube.
He swore under his breath, looked at the ceiling and rubbed the back of his neck. Casting a glance around her tiny cubicle, he again noticed the mounds of paper covering every inch of her desk and most of the floor. A yellowing, half-dead plant swimming in water sat in one corner, and its brown, dried-up twin sat on the corner of her desk. Stacks of file folders and empty office-supply boxes crowded the top of the file cabinets. The place was an absolute mess.
He frowned. He remembered Colleen as being pretty neat and well organized, and her appearance today was polished and put-together. Why was her office so filled with clutter? Was she just too busy to straighten up once in a while? And why was she so damn fidgety?
He shook his head. He had to admit, she seemed different. The glimpse of vulnerability he’d seen in her eyes earlier was totally unexpected and so unlike what he remembered about the confident, wisecracking Colleen he’d fallen in love with.
And why was she so bothered to be working with him? She’d seemed to escape absolutely unscathed by their breakup. He’d seen her in a bar the night before he’d left for Afghanistan, happily dancing up a storm with every guy in the place. Stuff like this didn’t usually bother her.
Yeah, Colleen had changed. Despite that observation, she was as much a mystery as she’d always been, a mystery he would solve only for the sake of “The Baby Chronicles” and his career as a baby photographer.
As much as he hated it, to build the new life he wanted, he had to discover a way to work with her effectively.
Taking a deep, shaky breath, Colleen dropped into a chair in the small room that served as the break/lunch area for the employees of the Beacon, thankful lunchtime was over. She needed a few minutes alone to get a hold of herself.
To find a way to keep Aiden from getting to her.
She plopped her chin in her upturned palm and looked around the room. The light blue walls were adorned with gold-framed copies of old issues of the Beacon. One wall held a new white refrigerator, shiny black dishwasher, gleaming chrome sink, speckled blue counters and white wood cabinets. Newspapers and magazines covered the surfaces of the three small, round metal tables, and unwashed coffee cups sat on the counter between the sink and microwave oven, along with an assortment of plates, empty junk-food containers and pop cans. The place was a disaster.
Kind of like her. Looked good on the outside, a mess on the inside. Mercy, she was such a product of her loveless childhood, spent first with her neglectful, flaky parents, and later, in a verbally abusive foster-care home. She shuddered, remembering the terrible, lonely place where her only purpose had been to act as a live-in baby-sitter for the rest of the younger kids and as a verbal punching bag for her alcoholic foster mother.
She shook her head, recoiling from those terrible memories, focusing on the here and now, which, unfortunately, was inevitably intertwined with her past.
Was that why Aiden had thrown her into such a tizzy? She frowned and pinched the bridge of her nose, taking control of her spiraling, disconcerting emotions. Tizzies, she’d discovered at an early age, were useless and only brought on someone else’s anger, targeted at her. She always made sure that she managed herself well enough to avoid them. But not today.
She’d run from her office like a frightened little girl, letting Aiden take control of her emotions.
What was wrong with her?
She didn’t have the answer to that important question, just as she hadn’t had the answer eight years ago. Aiden’s ability to open the door to her wants and desires and her inability to fight that power had scared her to death and forced her to break up with him.
But that was then, and this was now, and Aiden was back in her life for the next few days. She had to find a way to keep an even keel, to keep herself under protective control.
A startling thought occurred to her. Had he deliberately sought her out?
No, he’d been genuinely surprised when he’d discovered he was going to be working with her. It was just an odd coincidence they’d been thrown together again. Though not all that odd when she thought about it. She and Aiden were both journalists. Also, most of Aiden’s huge family probably still lived close by in Oak Valley; it made sense he’d return to Portland to be near his four siblings and parents. Just another reason she’d run, having been unable to deal with the prospect of being around his big, traditional family, light-years from her horribly dysfunctional one.
And whether she liked the current situation or not, she had a job to do. She was going to have to go away with him to complete the article. It was time to buck up and do her job without letting Aiden bother her.
Standing, she paced around the small room, forcing herself to fall back on the things that had helped her survive her childhood. Be analytical and rational. Review the situation and formulate a plan.
One. Aiden was in as photographer. Bad news, but unavoidable.
Two. They were going to go to Sun Mountain, a resort in central Oregon about four hours from Portland, for a long weekend. Again, too bad, but a done deal.
Three. Four babies and their parents, all strangers, would be going along, but she and Aiden would be the only other adults there. They would be spending long hours together, working on the article. Just the two of them, for an entire weekend…
That would be torture.
Nervous dread twisted her stomach into a knot. How could she do her job but spend as little time with Aiden as possible?
She stopped pacing and gazed into space for a long moment, her brain humming.
An idea materialized in her head. She smiled. Yes. She needed a friend to accompany her who would act as a safeguard between her and Aiden, someone she could hang out with to avoid having to deal with Mr. Gorgeous Green Eyes.
And her neighbor Maggie was just the person she needed. She was a single mom with a baby the right age. Colleen would have to pull some strings to get Maggie’s daughter, Laura, included in the spread, but that was a manageable detail. She was sure she could persuade Joe to include Laura, and knew she could talk Maggie into agreeing, even though Colleen deliberately hadn’t spent much time with Maggie since Laura had been born. Being around Laura, who drew Colleen’s attention like a fly to sugar, was just too hard to take. And while she would have to spend more time with little Laura this weekend, which would be a test in itself, it would be worth it to have Maggie act as a buffer.
Feeling better, she clenched her hand into a fist and pumped it in the air. “Yes!” she mock whispered. Score one for ingenuity.
A male voice startled her. “Wow. You must be feeling better.”
She twisted around, widening her eyes, and met Aiden’s vibrant, emerald-tinged gaze. His large body filled the small room and it was suddenly difficult to drag air in.
She swallowed and pressed a hand to her chest to calm her racing heart and wobbly nerves, then forced herself to smile broadly and spread her arms wide. “I guess I am.”
He hoisted a lone eyebrow. “What gives?”
A valid question given the hasty exit from her cube. “I’ve been thinking, and I’ve decided to bring a friend and her baby along on the shoot.”
“Because?”
I need protection from you. “Well…because the baby is adorable, and I’d like to include her in the spread.”
He moved closer, shaking his head. “I’ve already approved the four kids I need for the shoot. Five won’t work.”
“What do you mean you’ve approved them?” She cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. “I haven’t even seen the pictures submitted yet.”
He stepped closer still, bringing his unique clean-air and fresh-water scent with him. “Joe e-mailed them to me this morning, and I chose the four babies I wanted.”
Annoyance rolled through her. Struggling to maintain her equilibrium, she backed up out of his scent’s reach and hit the counter with her back. Aiden had had final say-so on the babies. Apparently he’d been put in charge of the content of the layout. “Well, if you’re in charge, choose one more,” she blithely demanded, trying not to breathe in his smell, scrambling for her much-needed control.
“Can’t.” He checked his watch. “I’ve designed a layout around four babies. Five will mess it up.”
Okay, Aiden was in the driver’s seat, and after she’d treated him so badly today, there was no way he was going to help her out. He’d probably drive her right off the road.
Quelling the tide of hot frustration burning a hole in her chest—she hated standing meekly by, letting him call the shots—she sidestepped away from him, trailing her hand along the messy counter for support, needing space to think clearly. Chewing on her lip, she stalled, scrambling to come up with a way to get what she wanted.
“Of course,” he said, his voice as smooth as silk, “we could cut a deal.”
She snapped her eyebrows together and slowly turned to look at him. “What kind of deal?”
He very casually lifted a broad shoulder. “I give you what you want and you give me what I want.” He smiled, flashing even, white teeth, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Simple.”
“Simple, my foot.” He was coldheartedly manipulating her. “What do you want?” she asked, even though she already had a pretty good idea.
“Your promise that you’ll find a way to work with me.” He stalked closer, pinning her in place with his piercing eyes. He placed his large hand so close to hers on the counter his pinkie touched her finger. “Think you could manage to do that, Colly?”
His slight touch sent sparks shooting up her arm and his use of his old nickname for her almost buckled her knees. No one else had ever called her that. Her parents, who she hadn’t seen in years, had barely been able to remember her real name.
Not that he meant anything by it. He was simply trying to throw her off balance to get what he wanted, darn him. “Hauling out the heavy artillery, huh?” She smiled tightly, moving her hand away from his.
“Whatever it takes to make sure you and I can do this together to produce a fantastic piece.” He looked away, but not before she saw a flash of pain in his eyes. “All I care about is taking pictures of babies.”
Shoving aside her interest in the glimmer of pain she’d seen in his eyes, she asked, “You sure it isn’t more than that?”
He gave her a slight frown. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve always liked to pick me apart. Maybe this is nothing more than your morbid curiosity at work.” He’d always wanted more than she could give, wanted to “fix” things so everything would turn out the way he wanted. But that task had been futile. She’d known from the get-go that she’d never be the traditional fall-in-love-and-get-married-and-have-babies woman he’d wanted eight years ago.
Knowing that, she should have walked away the moment they’d met instead of letting their chemistry keep them together long enough for him to care. To make matters worse, she’d had panic attacks the moment the M-word had come up, not to mention how far and fast she’d run when he’d actually proposed.
He let out a heavy breath and held up a rigid hand. “No way. I have no reason to be curious about you. And for the record, I never tried to pick you apart.” He looked away, then looked back, his eyes now hard and unyielding. “Back then, I was a fool and wanted your love.”
Her love. The nonexistent fantasy item he’d always wanted, the one thing her flaw had made sure she couldn’t provide. “You can’t have what doesn’t exist,” she whispered.
She sank into a chair, stunned to discover that, even now, after so many years, knowing she didn’t know how to love him made her heart weep.
But she couldn’t ignore the truth now, just as she couldn’t ignore it eight years ago. He’d deserved more than a flawed woman. He still did.
He made a deprecating sound. “So you always said.”
Before she could ask him what he meant by that, his cell phone rang, shrill in the quiet of the lunch-room. He answered it and she chewed on a nail and went back to her thoughts, tuning out his conversation.
Once she thought about it, she really didn’t want to know what his comment had meant. Their rocky past didn’t matter anymore. What was done was done. She’d broken up with him, he’d taken off on his overseas adventure, and they’d both gone on.
And luckily for her, everything was different now. They didn’t mean anything to each other anymore. New rules applied, thank the stars above.
Obviously Aiden hadn’t figured that out yet. Like a bad case of déjà vu he wanted to peer inside her and communicate with her for the sake of the spread. Well, she wanted none of it.
Too bad.
She was stuck like a doomed bug on glue. And judging by the still-tingly skin on her arm and her shaking knees, taking Maggie along was absolutely necessary. Colleen needed some sort of shield from Aiden, and she intended that Maggie serve the part. She would make sure her neighbor stuck to her side every second of the weekend.
His voice interrupted her thoughts. “That was the moving company. They’re waiting at the house to deliver my stuff, so I’ve got to go.” He moved to the door, jamming his tiny cell phone into the front pocket of his pants. “We’ll continue this conversation later.”
She rose and followed him, yanking her gaze from the front of his pants where he’d shoved his cell phone. She wanted to ask him where he lived and if he’d bought a new house. But she squashed the urge. For her own sanity and emotional safety she desperately needed to keep her distance from Aiden this time, not that he’d ever be interested in heating things up between them again.
“Aiden, wait.”
He stopped and turned, his green eyes questioning.
She ignored the sparks his gaze generated and gave him a hesitant smile. “Can my friend and her baby come along?”
He reached out and squeezed her hand but his eyes remained cold. “That depends on you.” He let go of her, waved and left.
Score tied.
Aiden stepped outside and took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the warm summer air, liking the sound of the cars and buses zooming along. Though the offices of the Beacon were located in a building in the center of downtown Portland and lots of people and traffic hurried by, the sounds of a normal city, one not torn apart by bombs and war, calmed him. Thank God he was home. Even though he doubted he’d ever be safe from his devastating memories and scorching guilt, at least he was back in familiar territory, a place he could burrow into and fashion a new life.
Yeah, everything would be perfect if he didn’t have to work with Colleen. But he did, and he wasn’t going to let that fact bother him enough to ruin this job and his chance to obliterate the terrible memories burned in his mind.
Unbidden, images arose in his brain, images he was helpless to stop. Dying children. Grief-stricken parents. Hell on earth…
I did nothing.
He stopped, suddenly breathing heavily, sweat breaking out on his upper lip. Guilt roiled in his soul like boiling water, burning him little by little from the inside out.
He closed his eyes, and by sheer dint of will he forced the agonizing pictures away, the truth of the current situation with Colleen thudding down instead.
Take back the stupid deal.
Nodding, he did an about-face and headed back toward the offices of the Beacon, his memories putting his problem into instant perspective. Making any kind of deal with Colleen was idiotic. If she didn’t want to work with him, fine. In fact, better. Easier. Less demanding. Less challenging.
He found Colleen sitting alone once again at a cluttered table in the lunchroom, staring off into space, a faraway, vulnerable expression on her face that unexpectedly landed like a kick in the gut. Fool. Why the hell should he care that she seemed sad? He ignored the unsettling sensation and cleared his throat. “Colleen.”
Her gaze snapped to him. “Aiden.” Surprise lit her cornflower-blue eyes. “Back so soon?”
“Yeah.” He made a face when the scent of stinky, stale coffee grounds and burnt microwave popcorn assaulted his nose. But he’d take that smell any day over the stench of blood and death he’d never quite been able to banish.
He shook it off along with his bad memories and forced himself back on track, back to the present. “I’m calling off our deal.”
She stood and stared at him, then pushed her hair back behind one ear and narrowed her eyes. “Why?”
“It’s pretty simple, really,” he said, irritated that he’d even considered making any kind of deal with Colleen, that he’d let her push him around. “All I want to do is take pictures of babies.”
“Okay,” she said, drawing the word out. “But what does this have to do with your…deal?”
He snorted. “I’m not going to make some dumb deal with you to make sure you find a way to work with me. That’s your choice, not mine, and frankly, I don’t give a damn what choice you make.”
She widened her eyes, clearly taken aback by his harshness, then moved over and opened the refrigerator and pulled out a can of diet pop. “I don’t know whether I should be jumping for joy or feel insulted.”
He shrugged. “I’m not trying to be insulting, just realistic. I told myself that you needed to find a way to work with me to do this job.” He let out a derisive laugh. “That’s a load of bull, and I’m not going to beg you to do your job. I’m sure Joe can find someone else to work with me.”
“Actually, I’ve already asked him to find someone and I’m it.” She pulled her lips into a triumphant smile. “So I guess my friend and her baby are in.”
He ground his back teeth together. It rubbed him the wrong way to have to redesign his layout to include another baby, but it wasn’t worth fighting with Colleen about. The less contact he had with her, the better. He nodded. “Yeah, your friend and her baby are in.”
Her face relaxed. “Good,” she said, walking toward him. She laid her free hand on his forearm for a moment. “You won’t regret it, I promise.” She moved by, her scent briefly masking the coffee and popcorn smell. “I’m going to call Maggie right now. I bet she’ll be thrilled.”
Colleen left the lunchroom and Aiden felt the warm place her touch had branded on his arm. Her light scent lingered in the air, intoxicating and evocative, fueling memories of her in his arms, her blue eyes staring into his soul, making him feel happy and content and loved.
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Lissa Manley
SHE DIDN'T DO CUTE OR CUDDLY.But reporter Colleen Stewart's latest article sent her bravely charging into the dangerous world of toddlers. Yet she hadn't realized quite how much peril she was in. Because not only was she surrounded by precocious crumb-snatchers, she also had to work with Aiden Forbes–the one man she almost gave up her career for….HE WASN'T USED TO DIAPERS AND DROOL.But still recovering from his last assignment, Aiden needed this job. Would this war-hardened photographer survive the babies–and also Colleen's rejection? Aiden's next battle would be his toughest because now he had to make Colleen realize she needed a child–his child!
“We kissed at sun Mountain. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t think I was trying to…rekindle something, that’s all.”
The thought of rekindling anything with Colleen filled Aiden with a raging heat he did his best to ignore. “Hey, I’m on the same page. The last thing I want is to relive our history.”
She scowled, creating cute creases between her eyebrows. “Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?”
He stared at her. “I’m sorry if that sounded cold, but both of us know that we need to keep our distance.”
Colleen nodded, wishing he didn’t look so yummy in his khakis and polo shirt that displayed his well-muscled arms so wonderfully. His masculine scent teased her.
Oh, how she wanted to snuggle close to him and have him wrap his strong, capable arms—
She cut that rogue thought off, reminding herself that she wasn’t here to wish herself back into Aiden’s life….
Dear Reader,
I’ve put together a list of Silhouette Romance New Year’s resolutions to help you get off to a great start in 2004!
• Play along with our favorite boss’s daughter’s mischievous, matchmaking high jinks. In Rules of Engagement (#1702) by Carla Cassidy, Emily Winters—aka the love goddess—is hoping to unite a brooding exec and feisty businesswoman. This is the fifth title in Silhouette Romance’s exclusive, six-book MARRYING THE BOSS’s DAUGHTER series.
• Enjoy every delightful word of The Bachelor Boss (#1703) by the always-popular Julianna Morris. In this modern romantic fairy tale, a prim plain Jane melts the heart of a sexy playboy.
• Join the fun when a cowboy’s life is turned inside out by a softhearted beauty and the tiny charge he finds on his doorstep. Baby, Oh Baby! (#1704) is the first title in Teresa Southwick’s enchanting new three-book miniseries IF WISHES WERE… Stay tuned next month for the next title in this series that features three friends who have their dreams come true in unexpected ways.
• Be sure not to miss The Baby Chronicles (#1705) by Lissa Manley. This heartwarming reunion romance is sure to put a satisfied smile on your face.
Have a great New Year!
Mavis C. Allen
Associate Senior Editor
The Baby Chronicles
Lissa Manley
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
This book is dedicated to my very own babies,
Laura and Sean, who have grown up letting Mom write.
Thanks for taking care of yourselves and for being so
enthusiastic about my writing career. You two are
the best kids a mom could ever ask for.
Books by Lissa Manley
Silhouette Romance
The Bachelor Chronicles #1665
The Bridal Chronicles #1689
The Baby Chronicles #1705
LISSA MANLEY
has been an avid reader of romance since her teens and firmly believes that writing romances with happy endings is her dream job. She lives in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her college-sweetheart husband of nineteen years, Kevin, two children, Laura and Sean, and two feisty toy poodles named Lexi and Angel, who run the household and get away with it. She has a degree in business from the University of Oregon, having discovered the joys of writing well after her college years. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, crafting, attending her children’s sporting events and relaxing at the family vacation home in the Oregon coast.
Lissa loves to hear from her readers. She can be reached at P.O. Box 91336, Portland, OR 97291-0336, or at http://lissamanley.com (http://lissamanley.com).
MEMO
Colleen—The Beacon will be running a feature entitled THE BABY CHRONICLES. This new story will include pictures of cute babies coupled with your copy.
I’m assigning you to this story.
To give the feature a unique edge, I’ll be bringing in a freelance photographer. You’ll meet him as soon as he’s back in town, and you’ll find out about the exciting plans he has for this article. [Be nice to him…or else.]
Congratulations on your new assignment.
Contents
Chapter One (#u3df152ba-fad1-5760-ac14-dcce67e04b44)
Chapter Two (#u772e6290-3fa2-59e0-96ab-0356143bf24d)
Chapter Three (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One
Colleen Stewart shifted uneasily on the hard chair across from her editor’s large, metal desk, holding back a ragged sigh.
Cold, hard dread inched through her. She had to find a way to get out of writing this article. She would never, ever be able to write “The Baby Chronicles” without letting all of those smiling, cooing, bald little toothless angels turn her heart to mush.
Mush she didn’t need.
“I don’t see what the problem is,” Joe said, yanking his stained yellow-and-red tie loose. “All you have to do is write about cute babies. Piece of cake.”
Cute babies a piece of cake? Hardly. “Joe, I turned down this assignment a week ago,” she said, deliberately excluding the reason she’d talked her way out of the job in the first place. Joe would laugh his head off. “Nothing has changed. I still don’t want to do it. Can’t you get someone else?”
He waved a hand in the air. “No can do. Rudy left town for a family emergency and Christy has her hands full covering the budget cuts at the school district. You’re it.”
Colleen bit her lip. “What about Angela?”
“On maternity leave.”
“Steve?”
“I fired him this morning.”
She flinched but kept at it, leaning forward. “Zack?”
“You’re it, Colleen.” He pulled his bushy, gray eyebrows together and scowled. “What’s the big deal, anyway? Just supervise the shoot and write the story, all right?”
She’d love to tell Joe why this seemingly harmless assignment was a big deal for her. But she couldn’t. Joe was a hard-line journalist and a traditional family man from way back. He would never understand her need to stay away from things like endearing babies, cute little animals, large, close-knit families and nice, lovable men. She’d learned long ago that there was no sense in hanging around things she could never have.
Things that made her ache inside.
She opened her mouth to refuse, but Joe’s ice-hard glare stopped her and she clamped her lips closed. Further argument was useless. She prided herself on her ability to get through tough situations with strength and self-control, just as she’d made it through her neglected childhood all by herself. She’d write this article while remaining unengaged and unfazed by the undoubtedly adorable babies. She had to. Her job as a reporter at the Beacon and her protected little world here in Portland, Oregon, depended on it.
“Anything else?” she asked, trying to sound up-beat. She glanced out the window, hoping the blue-skied, puffy-clouded summer day would cheer her up.
“Yeah, actually there is one more thing. We’re bringing in a freelance photographer for this spread.”
A psychological cloud moved across the sun. Her gut tightened. Ever since she’d been shuffled through the foster-care system, meeting knew people always made her feel off balance and vulnerable. “Really? Why?”
Joe shrugged. “The guy’s good, and he offered his talent for dirt cheap. Wants to build a career photographing kids. Thought this would be a good opportunity.” He looked over her head and smiled. “Ah. Here he is now.”
A barely perceptible, woodsy scent drifted across the air, teasing Colleen’s nose. She froze, momentarily confused, and a long, heart-pounding second later, recognition thudded into place. Only one person she’d ever known had smelled like a combination of trees and wind and the great outdoors.
Aiden.
But that was impossible. Aiden was overseas in some godforsaken, war-torn country taking pictures.
“Taking pictures,” she mouthed.
No. No way. She was imagining that outdoorsy, distinctive, heart-stopping scent, right? Aiden Forbes was thousands of miles away right now. He was absolutely, positively not standing behind her, ready to take over his new, unlikely job as baby photographer.
Almost incapable of movement, she somehow pressed a shaking hand to her fluttering stomach. A chill rushed up her spine, scattering goose bumps over her entire body.
Please don’t let it be him, please don’t let it be him. She’d broken up with Aiden eight years ago because he’d shown her, by loving her so completely, how incapable of loving she was.
Aiden was just a painful reminder of the unfixable flaw inside her and of all of the ramifications that flaw had had in her life. With Aiden around, she’d never been able to forget the defect that had made her parents ditch her into the foster-care system.
A deep, hauntingly familiar voice scraped across her raw nerves like a rusty chainsaw on metal, dashing her stupid hopes. “You must be Joe Capriati.” From the corner of her eye she saw a large, tanned hand reach to Joe over her shoulder. “I’m Aiden Forbes.”
Time slowed to a crawl. In the millisecond it took Colleen to draw a choked, desperate breath, her world tilted on its axis and almost sputtered to a stop.
She pressed her other quivering hand to the side of her face and bent her head, ridiculously trying to hide, even though she was dying to look at Aiden and see how the years had changed him. But she didn’t look, she couldn’t even move. Maybe he wouldn’t recognize her.
Of course he would. He wasn’t popping his head in for just a moment. He was the photographer on the story she’d just been assigned. She was going to have to work with him. Side by side. Photographing precious babies.
She closed her eyes and shook her head, wishing the floor would open up and swallow her whole.
Aiden Forbes, the only man who had ever been able to crack open the door to her flawed, vulnerable heart, was back.
Shaking Joe’s beefy hand, Aiden’s attention remained stuck on the seated woman he’d had to reach over, her blond, curly hair spilling down her back like wavy, near-white gold. She had a hand pressed to the side of her face, trying to…hide?
Something in the set of her shoulders seemed familiar, but he couldn’t put his finger on why. He’d only been back from Bosnia for a week, and he certainly hadn’t met anyone with that kind of hair.
Only one woman he’d ever known had had hair like that…
Nah. Couldn’t be her. Colleen had always said she’d blow this town as soon as she could. She was long gone by now, out of his life forever.
His curiosity and male awareness got the best of him, though. Would this woman have a face to match those long, perfect curls? As he pulled his hand away from Joe, he leaned sideways to get a look at her.
His heart stalled.
It was Colleen.
A jolt of stunned surprise exploded in him like a Scud missile going to ground, and the day she’d busted his heart into a million pieces flashed in his brain. Surprisingly sharp pain knifed him, as if she’d walked out on him yesterday instead of eight years ago.
I don’t love you, Aiden. I never will.
Her parting words still ripped through him like a tropical typhoon, jabbing at the rough scar she’d carved in his heart.
He mentally recoiled from that burning ache, hating the bitter reminder of the love she hadn’t returned, of how she’d walked away, leaving his dreams of a home and family in the dust.
The hellish years he’d spent photographing things most people saw only in their nightmares had honed his recovery skills to a fine point. But recovering from the shock of unexpectedly seeing the only woman he’d ever loved sitting right here, bringing all of the old pain and gagging bitterness to the surface, was damn hard.
She dropped her hand and looked the way he felt when he’d blown a whole roll of film. Tiny lines had formed between her delicate eyebrows and her plump, perfectly made-up mouth—painted in the same pink, totally hot shade she’d always worn—was pressed into a tight line.
“Colleen Stewart,” he drawled, hoping to keep the clawing pain inside him from showing. “That glad to see me?”
She slanted a gaze up at him and smiled a fake little familiar smile, the one she used when she didn’t want to talk, the one he’d seen often and always dreaded. Her intense blue eyes, which reminded him of the sky on a perfect summer day, sparked. “You have no idea.”
He lifted an eyebrow and tightened his jaw. What the hell was her problem? She’d dumped him on his butt, not the other way around.
Even though they’d only dated for two months, he’d been ready to sacrifice his dreams of being an international photojournalist to settle down and marry her, wanting the kind of traditional family he’d grown up in. But she’d blithely shredded his heart. In pain, he’d dived headfirst into another life, which had only led to more pain.
Images of suffering children exploded in his brain. Doggedly, Aiden held the horrific memories at bay, not wanting to go down that familiar, ache-filled road right now. But he would eventually. Oh, yeah, he would. For years while overseas, and even now, his nights had been reserved for that particular torture.
Eventually, his sleepless nights spent in the throes of nightmares had caught up with him and he’d begun to make tactical mistakes, putting his own life at risk. His best friend had given it to him straight—it was time to head home to a job that wasn’t going to cost him, or someone else, their life. Aiden had agreed, unable to function, and came home to something more life-affirming, something meant to eradicate the memories of the babies he couldn’t save.
Joe cleared his throat, dragging Aiden away from his awful memories. Joe looked back and forth between Aiden and Colleen. “You know each other?” He plopped his rotund body back down into his creaky leather chair.
“Oh, yeah,” Colleen muttered, pressing her mouth into a tight smile. “We go way back. Don’t we, Aiden?”
Even though he was bugged by her flip tone, he managed to smile at Joe, not wanting to come off as difficult. He needed this job. Badly. “Colleen and I went to journalism school together.” And I was stupid enough to fall in love with her.
“Ah. Well, good,” Joe said, inclining his head. “Saves the getting-to-know process.” He looked at Colleen. “Colleen, since you’re familiar with how we put these articles together, why don’t you take Aiden to your office and fill him in.” He looked back to Aiden. “And you fill her in on the plans we discussed on the phone.”
Aiden’s stomach plummeted. He jumped his gaze to Joe. “She’s the reporter?”
Joe nodded. “Yup. Is that a problem? She did a great job on ‘The Bridal Chronicles.”’
Damn. Colleen was the last person Aiden wanted to work with, the last person he’d ever wanted to see again. The bone-deep bitterness he’d felt when she’d thrown his proposal back into his face and ended their relationship reared up like a cobra and bit him hard.
There was no way he was going to stir up and relive all kinds of bad feelings—pain, betrayal, bitterness—by working with her.
Slow down, Forbes. This job was his best shot in Portland to gain some attention as a baby photographer. No, he wasn’t about to make waves and come across as difficult to Joe and he wasn’t about to let Colleen take control of his life again. He would find a way to work with her, even if it killed him.
Aiden arranged his mouth into a smile. “No, not at all.”
Joe smiled. “Good. Hey, one more thing. I have to tell you, the photos of the kids you sent in with your portfolio blew me away. Got any more?”
Aiden suppressed a shudder at the mention of the graphic black-and-white pictures of children he’d taken, unable to stop remembering their haunting poignancy. He’d only brought them out to snag this job and never intended to look at or deal with them again. “I gave them to my mom,” he said truthfully. “I have no idea what she’s done with them.” He hoped his tone conveyed how final that explanation was. Nothing could convince him to haul out those photos again.
Joe nodded. “Ah. All right.”
Aiden looked at Colleen, needing to move on to getting started. “You ready?”
Colleen widened her blue eyes, apparently surprised that he was agreeing to work with her. Hell, he was surprised he was agreeing. But this job would be worth it.
After a long pause, she tersely nodded and stood, smoothing her skirt. Aiden couldn’t help giving her a quick once-over. He had to admit she’d matured well. Her once slender college-girl’s body had blossomed into a curvy, womanly shape, displayed perfectly by the figure-hugging, knee-length navy blue skirt and jacket she wore.
He stepped back and gestured for her to pass him. “Ladies first.”
She scooted past, her eyes averted.
Her scent washed over him—fresh, tangy peaches—stirring up his senses as it always had. His male radar kicked into high gear and he watched her walk away, appreciating her long, willowy legs and the way her rounded hips moved beneath her tight skirt.
His blood began to percolate. Great. The absolute last thing he wanted was to get a renewed case of the hots for Colleen. Bad, bad idea.
But, boy, did she look good…
What the hell am I thinking?
He’d returned to Portland to reestablish ties with his large family and to get rid of the guilt and dark memories his time overseas had embedded in his brain. He hadn’t come back to get tangled up in a mess like Colleen. She might call to him on a male level he didn’t have much control over, but there was no damn way he was ever going to let her get close enough to knife him in the heart again.
Feeling marginally better, he said goodbye to Joe and left his office. Nope, Colleen didn’t have the power to affect him any longer.
After the anguish and searing heartache she’d put him through, he’d make sure of it.
“I can’t let him get to me,” Colleen said to herself, a bad habit she’d picked up during her early childhood, before foster care, when her parents were always gone and she hadn’t had anyone else to talk to.
She repeated the words over and over again as she hightailed it toward her office, desperately hoping that if she said the words she would magically be successful.
But she was a realist. She’d quit believing in magic when she was six and her mother had chosen to spend Christmas with her boyfriend in a hotel room, and her father had taken his new wife on a cruise rather than spend the day with Colleen. She’d been left alone for the day and most of the night, huddled on the couch, watching Christmas movies, tears streaming down her cheeks. She’d been forever changed on that cold, gray day.
Her innocent love and faith in her parents, along with her little girl’s belief in magic, had died a quick, inevitable death, only to die all over again when they abandoned her to the foster-care system when she was nine. One thought had cemented itself in her brain then, and had a profound influence on the rest of her life. There was something missing inside her, some flaw that kept her from being able to love and nurture a relationship, even with the two people who were supposed to love her no matter what—her mom and dad.
No, there was no use hoping for a magical solution. She was going to have to deal with Aiden—which meant getting rid of him. He was going to step into her office and she would be sucked back into his appeal. Oh, how she remembered his heart-stopping green eyes, keen sense of humor and wide, generous smile.
And how cherished she’d felt when she was wrapped in his arms.
She jerked her thoughts away from useless memories. Feeling warm, she pulled off her jacket and flung it on a pile of overfilled file folders in the corner, then gave in to her wobbly knees and sat down behind her paper-strewn desk.
Aware that he would arrive any second, she pressed a shaking hand to her chest to calm her jumpy heart, took a deep, cleansing breath and closed her eyes for a moment, summoning up her trustworthy control. She could get through this if she remained calm, cool and unaffected.
She sat up straight a mere second before Aiden stepped into her cube, instantly filling the drab, messy little space with his large, vibrant self. She forced herself to look directly at him instead of fooling with the voluminous stacks of papers on her desk as she was inclined to do.
He simply stood in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. His shadowed eyes reflected a shrewd perceptiveness that sent a weird, hot, shivery chill down her spine.
Of course, he looked too darn good. He always had. It wasn’t surprising that he was still absolutely gorgeous, the epitome, in fact, of her concept of the ideal male. Physically, at least. There was no such thing as an emotionally ideal male for someone like her.
His tall, once-rangy body had filled out very, very nicely since the last time she’d seen him. His shoulders seemed broader, his arms thicker. An impossibly wide chest, perfectly displayed by the short-sleeved, forest-green knit shirt he wore, looked firmer and more muscled, and tapered down into a taut waist and legs that were long and solid-looking beneath his khaki trousers.
His mahogany-shaded hair was shorter than she remembered, and he’d gelled the longer hair on top into a funky, spiky texture that somehow complemented his chiseled, masculine features and lightly tanned face.
But it was his sea-green eyes that, true to her memories, got to her the most. He looked at her, pinning her in place, and she was unable to move a muscle or form a coherent thought. Yes, those incredible eyes had always been able to see into her soul.
Why can’t you love me, Colly?
His old question echoed in her head, reminding her of the wall he’d tried to tear down inside her, the love he’d seemed determined to wring from her barren heart.
The love she didn’t know how to return.
Her shaky control almost splintered, but she gathered her composure around her like an old lady’s tattered shawl, determined to act normal and calm around him even if she dropped dead from the effort, which at the moment seemed highly likely. She folded her damp hands on the top of her desk, noticing how hollow his cheeks seemed.
He spoke first. “So I guess you’re not too happy to see me,” he said, his voice harsh and low.
She frowned, surprised by his cold tone. Mercy, was he still mad about their breakup? “Are you still upset about…what happened?”
He pressed his mouth into a harsh line. “Of course not.”
She wasn’t going to argue with him, but his tone and expression suggested he wasn’t being truthful. Even so, it wouldn’t hurt to apologize. She’d always felt guilty for breaking up with him, even though it was the only option open to her. “Good. But for the record, I’m sorry for what I did…walking out on you.”
He snorted. “Yeah, right.”
She pulled in her chin. “You don’t think I’m sorry?” Figured. They had never been on the same wavelength emotionally.
“What I think about what happened eight years ago doesn’t matter.” He pierced her with those intense, emerald eyes. “You just look damn unhappy to see me.”
He always was too perceptive. “Why would you say that?” she asked, cursing the hitch in her voice.
“Oh, come on.” He stepped closer. “You look like you have a stick up your…uh, well, you just look pretty unhappy.”
“I’m not particularly happy or unhappy to see you,” she said, lying. At this moment, she would have been happier to see Jack the Ripper, who would spare her and just kill her. But Aiden, well, Aiden had the ability to make her bleed inside, just as her parents had, and that terrified her.
He snorted under his breath and rolled his eyes. “Still the same old Colleen.”
She bristled, but then reminded herself whom she was dealing with here. This was Aiden, for goodness’ sake. He’d always had the amazing, frightening ability to turn her inside out. She would go to her grave before she’d let that happen again.
A slow, hot burn started in her chest. Thankfully, anger was the one emotion she could handle right now. Embracing her anger, she deliberately stood, placing her hands on her desk. She stared him down. “How dare you sashay in here after eight years and take up where you left off, badgering me. You don’t have a clue about me.”
He didn’t flinch from her caustic tone. Instead, he looked at her for a long, significant moment, and then leaned in so that only inches separated their faces. His pine-clean scent hit her like a Mack truck and his nearness sent hot tingles of awareness shooting through her body. And darn if her hair didn’t almost catch fire.
He drilled her with sharp, assessing eyes. “I know you well enough to tell when you’re royally pissed off. You never were very good at hiding that, were you?”
Her cheeks warmed even more and she jerked away, needing to breathe in air that wasn’t tainted by the big man in front of her. She took a deep, shaky breath and fought the urge to check her hair.
Mercy, she didn’t want to deal with Aiden and his unwanted emotional analysis, she never had. The day he’d asked her to marry him and she’d had to walk away, her flaw oozing like acid inside her, she’d realized that she was so emotionally incomplete she’d never have a normal life with a family of her own and a man who loved her.
Over the years, she’d learned to deal with that harsh reality, but here Aiden was, picking her apart, dredging up memories that were best forgotten, pain that she didn’t want to go through again.
She tore her gaze from his and sat down, swallowing a huge, burning lump that had grown in her throat. “Look, none of this is relevant,” she said, her voice quivering. “Let’s just talk about ‘The Baby Chronicles,’ okay?” She tried to smile to cover up the turmoil inside her, but all that she could manage was a half grin that made her eyes twitch.
He searched her face, then his expression softened ever so slightly. “Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He rubbed his neck and cast a quick glance at the ceiling. “I was just a little ticked off that you couldn’t even manage to give me a cordial greeting.”
Now she felt like a total louse. She had given him a pretty shabby reception. She met his gaze and gave him a genuine smile. “I’m glad you’re okay,” she said, unwilling to say she was glad to see him when she really wasn’t. “You just…threw me off guard. I was upset about having to take on this assignment, and your showing up when you did was just a bit too much to deal with all at once.”
“Hey, I’m not that happy about the situation, either.” He frowned and his mouth thinned. “Are you upset about having to take this assignment because you have to work with me?”
Of course. “I didn’t know I’d be working with you until you walked in,” she said, uncomfortable with sharing the truth about needing to put a wall between herself and things like cute babies and…him.
“Then what’s the problem? From what I’ve been told, the last two features, on—what were they—?” He dropped into the rickety metal and plastic chair jammed in the corner of her cube. “Brides and bachelors?”
She nodded.
“Apparently those features were hugely popular and increased readership for the Beacon. I would think you’d want the byline.”
“Yeah, well, you’d be wrong,” she muttered, gathering up the usual assortment of paper clips and pens that lay scattered across her desk.
As she sorted the paper clips and shoved the pens into her desk drawer he said nothing, just sat and stared, and she could almost hear the gears turning inside his head while he tried to figure her out.
Boy, did she wish she’d kept her mouth shut about not wanting this assignment. Aiden would undoubtedly pick her motivation apart the way he always had, in hopes of making everything “all better.” And that was impossible. She couldn’t be fixed—her flaw ran too deep and too wide—and she couldn’t bear the sadness that would overcome her when she was reminded of that over and over again.
And was reminded of how she’d had to walk away from someone as special as Aiden.
He leaned forward, his eyes reflecting a resigned unhappiness that tugged on her heart in a way that always filled her with a dull sense of despair.
He broke the nerve-racking silence and said, “Look, Colleen, obviously you’re upset about something, but I’m not going to waste my time trying to get you to tell me about it.” He shook his head. “I know from experience that that would be a waste of time. So we’ll skip the small talk and get down to business. All I want is to take pictures of babies. Okay?”
No, it wasn’t okay. Being near him again, the possibility that he might be able to get under her skin again, absolutely terrified her. “Why do you want this job in the first place?” she asked, hoping to come up with something to get out of working with him.
He sat back, his eyes suddenly shuttered, and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “I’m a photographer. I want to take pictures of babies.”
“And?”
“And what?” He looked away. When he looked back, a dark shadow lingered in the depths of his green eyes. “That’s it.”
He was holding something back. What? She ruthlessly squelched her burgeoning curiosity, determined to stay uninterested, and leaped to the heart of the matter. “I was hoping you’d reconsider taking the job.”
He pulled a face. “Are you crazy? This assignment could launch a new career for me. Why would I turn it down?”
Again, she wondered why he needed a new career, why he was back. Rather than give in to her nosiness and ask him, she gave him a sweet, hopeful smile in an effort to charm him into doing what she wanted. “Because I asked you to?”
“And why should that matter?”
She held up a hand and wiggled her fingers in a mock wave. “Because we’re old friends?”
He laughed humorlessly, snagging her gaze again with his intense green eyes. A hot arrow of fire shot through her, relighting a compelling need, reminding her of how hot and heavy their physical relationship had been, how much time they’d spent in his bed. But sex hadn’t been enough for him, even though that had been, ultimately, all she’d been able to give.
“Let me get this straight,” he said, interrupting her thoughts. “You can’t give me a ‘Hi, how ya doin’?,’ and obviously don’t give a rip about our past…relationship. But I’m supposed to turn down this job because we’re old friends?”
Shame marched through her stomach like angry ants. She had been rude to him, even though she prided herself on never letting things bother her, something she’d perfected at an early age out of sheer necessity. It was time to act like the woman she wanted to be. Calm. Rational. Unflappable. She owed Aiden another apology, and she owed him this job.
Okay, she didn’t exactly owe him the job, but she couldn’t make him give up something that obviously meant so much to him, although she wondered why it meant so much to him. Did he need the money? What was going on in his life now?
Hold it. She wouldn’t go there, she wouldn’t let Aiden’s current situation matter. She didn’t care, couldn’t care about him again in any way, no matter how small. She had to protect herself.
And there was one tiny little detail she couldn’t ignore: he could take the job if he wanted, whether she liked it or not. And after the way she’d behaved today, there was no way he was going to be doing her any favors.
So, it looked as if she was stuck with him as her photographer. And she accepted that. She’d learned long ago, at her neglectful parents’ knees, not to rail against cruel fate for very long—it never made any difference.
She threw him a sheepish, contrite smile. “You’re right. It was unreasonable of me to ask you to turn this job down. I’m sorry. Obviously I overreacted.” Aiden had always had that effect on her.
He relaxed back into the too-small chair and nodded. “Let’s just move on, all right?”
She nodded slowly, wondering why he was letting this go, why he wasn’t pressing her as he’d always done before. She gave a mental shrug, determined not to wonder about Aiden anymore. She needed to concentrate on dealing with “The Baby Chronicles.” The best thing for her would be to schedule the shoot, get it over with in a single afternoon, spending as little time with Aiden and the babies as possible.
“All right,” she said in a curt, businesslike voice, forging ahead. “Let’s discuss which afternoon next week we’ll take the pictures.” She shoved a thick stack of papers aside, looking for her day planner.
“Afternoon? What’re you talking about? We’re going on location.”
Her hands froze on her planner, still half buried beneath several old issues of the Beacon. She narrowed her eyes and looked at Aiden, praying that she’d suddenly become hard-of-hearing. “Excuse me?” she asked, barely moving her lips.
He leaned forward, his eyebrows raised high. “Which part don’t you understand? Joe gave me permission to go on location to Sun Mountain for a long weekend. I want to take pictures of the babies outside with Mount Bachelor in the background.”
Her stomach clenched. “No way,” she intoned, shaking her head. She absolutely, positively did not want to go anywhere with Aiden. Being around him had always threatened her vow to stay unengaged, to keep her heart safe. She knew from past experience that Aiden was as far from safe as she could get.
He unfolded his big body and stood, towering over her. She slowly looked up at him and fought to keep her jaw from falling at his imposing, utterly masculine presence. Her heart expanded in her chest, bringing forth the absurd desire to stand up and walk over and bury herself in his warm, comforting embrace, to soak up all the love he’d been so willing to shower on her.
The love she’d had to walk away from.
Sadness weighing her down, she saw the new lines in the skin around his eyes, the shadows under his eyes and the slight hollows in his cheeks she’d noticed earlier. His face reflected a hardness she’d never seen before, a weariness that seemed to go bone deep, as if he’d gone through hell. What had happened during his years overseas to cause those changes?
She shook off her curiosity, determined not to get caught up in Aiden again. Nothing had changed; she still wouldn’t know how to love him. Not that he’d ever want her again.
He leaned down and placed his hands on her desk. “Yup, pack your bags, sweetheart. We’re going on a trip together.” His eyes glinted with cold, hard determination. “Soon.”
She sagged back in her chair and an absurd kind of panic rose in her, almost choking her. She’d spent years recovering after walking away from a wonderful man like Aiden. She was finally in a place where she was fairly happy, a place where she’d accepted that she was destined to be alone.
Now she felt as if she was in a frightening time warp, starring Aiden. In the last fifteen minutes, he’d marched back into her life and turned her stable, carefully crafted world upside down and made her feel things she didn’t want to deal with.
To make matters worse, he hadn’t just stepped back into her existence for an afternoon. Oh, no. She had to go away with him for a whole darn weekend.
Damn fate, anyway.
Chapter Two
Aiden tried not to stare at Colleen’s pink, open mouth, tried not to let her wide-eyed, horrified expression cut too deep. Obviously she thought going away with him was akin to taking a vacation with Charles Manson. Searching for levity to break the thick tension that had sprung up between them and calm the dull pain knifing in his gut, he said, “A fly will get in if you leave your mouth hanging open like that.”
She clamped her mouth closed and glowered, drawing her perfectly arched, dark blond eyebrows together, presumably to look stern. “Very funny.” Obviously she didn’t appreciate his attempt at humor.
“Hey, whatever works,” he said with forced lightness, determined not to dwell on the fact that he had to work with the woman who’d crept under his skin eight years ago and dismantled his heart like a one-woman wrecking crew.
“You think this is amusing?” She began to quickly shuffle through the masses of papers covering every square inch of her desk, nervously jumping from pile to pile. Odd, she’d never been the twitchy sort before.
He let out a heavy breath. “No, not amusing. But not the end of the world, either. C’mon, Colleen, lighten up.” If he could deal with this after she’d cut a hole in his heart she damn well could, too.
She yanked out a sheaf of papers and began to thumb through the stack. “I wish that were possible.”
“Why isn’t it?”
Her worry-studded gaze flicked up and held on him for a long moment, then darted back down to peruse the papers in her hands. “I told you. I don’t want this assignment.”
“Why not?” he asked before he could call the words back, irritated that he cared about her reactions at all. Nothing but trouble there.
“I just don’t.” She shot to her feet, turned away and opened a file cabinet, ignoring him again.
He stood in silence, staring at her narrow back and blond, curly hair. A memory of her on the beach, smiling at him, the blue sky behind her, her hair blowing in the ocean breeze, popped into his brain—
He stopped the image in its tracks. Those were the memories of Colleen that had tortured him while he huddled against bombed-out buildings in the dark during cold, endless nights. Funny how those memories had also kept him warm deep inside, encouraging him to go on when scenes of death and starving children and leveled villages had cut across his heart and soul and branded themselves in his brain forever.
Fortunately he didn’t need memories of Colleen to get him through anymore, to keep him warm. His new, life-affirming job taking pictures of babies would do that.
Dragging his gaze away, he fisted his hands at his sides. He had to concentrate on his work, not how his memories of her had helped him through the darkest hours of his life.
Despite that one and only benefit of his past relationship with her, he couldn’t ever let himself forget that she’d coldheartedly eviscerated him. End of story. He refused to let himself care about her beyond working on this article together.
“Dammit, Colleen.” He reached out and tugged on her elbow. Her soft, peachy scent assaulted his senses. “We have to work together.”
She spun around and the papers in her hands fluttered to the floor. She jerked away. “Do you mind?”
He dropped his hand. She was right. He shouldn’t be touching her. “All I want to do is talk—”
“We’ll talk about the story, nothing more.”
“Hey. Cool. That’s exactly what I was going to say. So you’re going to find a way to work with me so we can collaborate on a quality piece?”
She froze, staring, and a whisper of naked vulnerability flashed in her eyes. She looked down and slowly turned back to the file cabinet, shutting him out again.
He opened and closed his fists, determined not to let himself wonder or care about her vulnerability—or anything else about her. “I’m not going to let you ruin the spread. This is too important to me to let you do that.”
She twisted back around and met his gaze, then opened her mouth to speak, but clamped it tightly shut. She closed her eyes briefly, and when she opened them, a studied blankness assailed him.
To his irritation, right on cue, as if he’d been plunked down in the past, his chest pulled tight. He ignored the tugging sensation, determined not to give a rip about Colleen again. He’d seen that expression before, more times than he could count. Thankfully her utter blankness, so familiar, so damn steadfast, didn’t matter anymore.
He wouldn’t let it.
“I…uh, I need to get something. I’ll be right back.” She walked from behind her desk and left him standing alone in her cube.
He swore under his breath, looked at the ceiling and rubbed the back of his neck. Casting a glance around her tiny cubicle, he again noticed the mounds of paper covering every inch of her desk and most of the floor. A yellowing, half-dead plant swimming in water sat in one corner, and its brown, dried-up twin sat on the corner of her desk. Stacks of file folders and empty office-supply boxes crowded the top of the file cabinets. The place was an absolute mess.
He frowned. He remembered Colleen as being pretty neat and well organized, and her appearance today was polished and put-together. Why was her office so filled with clutter? Was she just too busy to straighten up once in a while? And why was she so damn fidgety?
He shook his head. He had to admit, she seemed different. The glimpse of vulnerability he’d seen in her eyes earlier was totally unexpected and so unlike what he remembered about the confident, wisecracking Colleen he’d fallen in love with.
And why was she so bothered to be working with him? She’d seemed to escape absolutely unscathed by their breakup. He’d seen her in a bar the night before he’d left for Afghanistan, happily dancing up a storm with every guy in the place. Stuff like this didn’t usually bother her.
Yeah, Colleen had changed. Despite that observation, she was as much a mystery as she’d always been, a mystery he would solve only for the sake of “The Baby Chronicles” and his career as a baby photographer.
As much as he hated it, to build the new life he wanted, he had to discover a way to work with her effectively.
Taking a deep, shaky breath, Colleen dropped into a chair in the small room that served as the break/lunch area for the employees of the Beacon, thankful lunchtime was over. She needed a few minutes alone to get a hold of herself.
To find a way to keep Aiden from getting to her.
She plopped her chin in her upturned palm and looked around the room. The light blue walls were adorned with gold-framed copies of old issues of the Beacon. One wall held a new white refrigerator, shiny black dishwasher, gleaming chrome sink, speckled blue counters and white wood cabinets. Newspapers and magazines covered the surfaces of the three small, round metal tables, and unwashed coffee cups sat on the counter between the sink and microwave oven, along with an assortment of plates, empty junk-food containers and pop cans. The place was a disaster.
Kind of like her. Looked good on the outside, a mess on the inside. Mercy, she was such a product of her loveless childhood, spent first with her neglectful, flaky parents, and later, in a verbally abusive foster-care home. She shuddered, remembering the terrible, lonely place where her only purpose had been to act as a live-in baby-sitter for the rest of the younger kids and as a verbal punching bag for her alcoholic foster mother.
She shook her head, recoiling from those terrible memories, focusing on the here and now, which, unfortunately, was inevitably intertwined with her past.
Was that why Aiden had thrown her into such a tizzy? She frowned and pinched the bridge of her nose, taking control of her spiraling, disconcerting emotions. Tizzies, she’d discovered at an early age, were useless and only brought on someone else’s anger, targeted at her. She always made sure that she managed herself well enough to avoid them. But not today.
She’d run from her office like a frightened little girl, letting Aiden take control of her emotions.
What was wrong with her?
She didn’t have the answer to that important question, just as she hadn’t had the answer eight years ago. Aiden’s ability to open the door to her wants and desires and her inability to fight that power had scared her to death and forced her to break up with him.
But that was then, and this was now, and Aiden was back in her life for the next few days. She had to find a way to keep an even keel, to keep herself under protective control.
A startling thought occurred to her. Had he deliberately sought her out?
No, he’d been genuinely surprised when he’d discovered he was going to be working with her. It was just an odd coincidence they’d been thrown together again. Though not all that odd when she thought about it. She and Aiden were both journalists. Also, most of Aiden’s huge family probably still lived close by in Oak Valley; it made sense he’d return to Portland to be near his four siblings and parents. Just another reason she’d run, having been unable to deal with the prospect of being around his big, traditional family, light-years from her horribly dysfunctional one.
And whether she liked the current situation or not, she had a job to do. She was going to have to go away with him to complete the article. It was time to buck up and do her job without letting Aiden bother her.
Standing, she paced around the small room, forcing herself to fall back on the things that had helped her survive her childhood. Be analytical and rational. Review the situation and formulate a plan.
One. Aiden was in as photographer. Bad news, but unavoidable.
Two. They were going to go to Sun Mountain, a resort in central Oregon about four hours from Portland, for a long weekend. Again, too bad, but a done deal.
Three. Four babies and their parents, all strangers, would be going along, but she and Aiden would be the only other adults there. They would be spending long hours together, working on the article. Just the two of them, for an entire weekend…
That would be torture.
Nervous dread twisted her stomach into a knot. How could she do her job but spend as little time with Aiden as possible?
She stopped pacing and gazed into space for a long moment, her brain humming.
An idea materialized in her head. She smiled. Yes. She needed a friend to accompany her who would act as a safeguard between her and Aiden, someone she could hang out with to avoid having to deal with Mr. Gorgeous Green Eyes.
And her neighbor Maggie was just the person she needed. She was a single mom with a baby the right age. Colleen would have to pull some strings to get Maggie’s daughter, Laura, included in the spread, but that was a manageable detail. She was sure she could persuade Joe to include Laura, and knew she could talk Maggie into agreeing, even though Colleen deliberately hadn’t spent much time with Maggie since Laura had been born. Being around Laura, who drew Colleen’s attention like a fly to sugar, was just too hard to take. And while she would have to spend more time with little Laura this weekend, which would be a test in itself, it would be worth it to have Maggie act as a buffer.
Feeling better, she clenched her hand into a fist and pumped it in the air. “Yes!” she mock whispered. Score one for ingenuity.
A male voice startled her. “Wow. You must be feeling better.”
She twisted around, widening her eyes, and met Aiden’s vibrant, emerald-tinged gaze. His large body filled the small room and it was suddenly difficult to drag air in.
She swallowed and pressed a hand to her chest to calm her racing heart and wobbly nerves, then forced herself to smile broadly and spread her arms wide. “I guess I am.”
He hoisted a lone eyebrow. “What gives?”
A valid question given the hasty exit from her cube. “I’ve been thinking, and I’ve decided to bring a friend and her baby along on the shoot.”
“Because?”
I need protection from you. “Well…because the baby is adorable, and I’d like to include her in the spread.”
He moved closer, shaking his head. “I’ve already approved the four kids I need for the shoot. Five won’t work.”
“What do you mean you’ve approved them?” She cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. “I haven’t even seen the pictures submitted yet.”
He stepped closer still, bringing his unique clean-air and fresh-water scent with him. “Joe e-mailed them to me this morning, and I chose the four babies I wanted.”
Annoyance rolled through her. Struggling to maintain her equilibrium, she backed up out of his scent’s reach and hit the counter with her back. Aiden had had final say-so on the babies. Apparently he’d been put in charge of the content of the layout. “Well, if you’re in charge, choose one more,” she blithely demanded, trying not to breathe in his smell, scrambling for her much-needed control.
“Can’t.” He checked his watch. “I’ve designed a layout around four babies. Five will mess it up.”
Okay, Aiden was in the driver’s seat, and after she’d treated him so badly today, there was no way he was going to help her out. He’d probably drive her right off the road.
Quelling the tide of hot frustration burning a hole in her chest—she hated standing meekly by, letting him call the shots—she sidestepped away from him, trailing her hand along the messy counter for support, needing space to think clearly. Chewing on her lip, she stalled, scrambling to come up with a way to get what she wanted.
“Of course,” he said, his voice as smooth as silk, “we could cut a deal.”
She snapped her eyebrows together and slowly turned to look at him. “What kind of deal?”
He very casually lifted a broad shoulder. “I give you what you want and you give me what I want.” He smiled, flashing even, white teeth, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Simple.”
“Simple, my foot.” He was coldheartedly manipulating her. “What do you want?” she asked, even though she already had a pretty good idea.
“Your promise that you’ll find a way to work with me.” He stalked closer, pinning her in place with his piercing eyes. He placed his large hand so close to hers on the counter his pinkie touched her finger. “Think you could manage to do that, Colly?”
His slight touch sent sparks shooting up her arm and his use of his old nickname for her almost buckled her knees. No one else had ever called her that. Her parents, who she hadn’t seen in years, had barely been able to remember her real name.
Not that he meant anything by it. He was simply trying to throw her off balance to get what he wanted, darn him. “Hauling out the heavy artillery, huh?” She smiled tightly, moving her hand away from his.
“Whatever it takes to make sure you and I can do this together to produce a fantastic piece.” He looked away, but not before she saw a flash of pain in his eyes. “All I care about is taking pictures of babies.”
Shoving aside her interest in the glimmer of pain she’d seen in his eyes, she asked, “You sure it isn’t more than that?”
He gave her a slight frown. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve always liked to pick me apart. Maybe this is nothing more than your morbid curiosity at work.” He’d always wanted more than she could give, wanted to “fix” things so everything would turn out the way he wanted. But that task had been futile. She’d known from the get-go that she’d never be the traditional fall-in-love-and-get-married-and-have-babies woman he’d wanted eight years ago.
Knowing that, she should have walked away the moment they’d met instead of letting their chemistry keep them together long enough for him to care. To make matters worse, she’d had panic attacks the moment the M-word had come up, not to mention how far and fast she’d run when he’d actually proposed.
He let out a heavy breath and held up a rigid hand. “No way. I have no reason to be curious about you. And for the record, I never tried to pick you apart.” He looked away, then looked back, his eyes now hard and unyielding. “Back then, I was a fool and wanted your love.”
Her love. The nonexistent fantasy item he’d always wanted, the one thing her flaw had made sure she couldn’t provide. “You can’t have what doesn’t exist,” she whispered.
She sank into a chair, stunned to discover that, even now, after so many years, knowing she didn’t know how to love him made her heart weep.
But she couldn’t ignore the truth now, just as she couldn’t ignore it eight years ago. He’d deserved more than a flawed woman. He still did.
He made a deprecating sound. “So you always said.”
Before she could ask him what he meant by that, his cell phone rang, shrill in the quiet of the lunch-room. He answered it and she chewed on a nail and went back to her thoughts, tuning out his conversation.
Once she thought about it, she really didn’t want to know what his comment had meant. Their rocky past didn’t matter anymore. What was done was done. She’d broken up with him, he’d taken off on his overseas adventure, and they’d both gone on.
And luckily for her, everything was different now. They didn’t mean anything to each other anymore. New rules applied, thank the stars above.
Obviously Aiden hadn’t figured that out yet. Like a bad case of déjà vu he wanted to peer inside her and communicate with her for the sake of the spread. Well, she wanted none of it.
Too bad.
She was stuck like a doomed bug on glue. And judging by the still-tingly skin on her arm and her shaking knees, taking Maggie along was absolutely necessary. Colleen needed some sort of shield from Aiden, and she intended that Maggie serve the part. She would make sure her neighbor stuck to her side every second of the weekend.
His voice interrupted her thoughts. “That was the moving company. They’re waiting at the house to deliver my stuff, so I’ve got to go.” He moved to the door, jamming his tiny cell phone into the front pocket of his pants. “We’ll continue this conversation later.”
She rose and followed him, yanking her gaze from the front of his pants where he’d shoved his cell phone. She wanted to ask him where he lived and if he’d bought a new house. But she squashed the urge. For her own sanity and emotional safety she desperately needed to keep her distance from Aiden this time, not that he’d ever be interested in heating things up between them again.
“Aiden, wait.”
He stopped and turned, his green eyes questioning.
She ignored the sparks his gaze generated and gave him a hesitant smile. “Can my friend and her baby come along?”
He reached out and squeezed her hand but his eyes remained cold. “That depends on you.” He let go of her, waved and left.
Score tied.
Aiden stepped outside and took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the warm summer air, liking the sound of the cars and buses zooming along. Though the offices of the Beacon were located in a building in the center of downtown Portland and lots of people and traffic hurried by, the sounds of a normal city, one not torn apart by bombs and war, calmed him. Thank God he was home. Even though he doubted he’d ever be safe from his devastating memories and scorching guilt, at least he was back in familiar territory, a place he could burrow into and fashion a new life.
Yeah, everything would be perfect if he didn’t have to work with Colleen. But he did, and he wasn’t going to let that fact bother him enough to ruin this job and his chance to obliterate the terrible memories burned in his mind.
Unbidden, images arose in his brain, images he was helpless to stop. Dying children. Grief-stricken parents. Hell on earth…
I did nothing.
He stopped, suddenly breathing heavily, sweat breaking out on his upper lip. Guilt roiled in his soul like boiling water, burning him little by little from the inside out.
He closed his eyes, and by sheer dint of will he forced the agonizing pictures away, the truth of the current situation with Colleen thudding down instead.
Take back the stupid deal.
Nodding, he did an about-face and headed back toward the offices of the Beacon, his memories putting his problem into instant perspective. Making any kind of deal with Colleen was idiotic. If she didn’t want to work with him, fine. In fact, better. Easier. Less demanding. Less challenging.
He found Colleen sitting alone once again at a cluttered table in the lunchroom, staring off into space, a faraway, vulnerable expression on her face that unexpectedly landed like a kick in the gut. Fool. Why the hell should he care that she seemed sad? He ignored the unsettling sensation and cleared his throat. “Colleen.”
Her gaze snapped to him. “Aiden.” Surprise lit her cornflower-blue eyes. “Back so soon?”
“Yeah.” He made a face when the scent of stinky, stale coffee grounds and burnt microwave popcorn assaulted his nose. But he’d take that smell any day over the stench of blood and death he’d never quite been able to banish.
He shook it off along with his bad memories and forced himself back on track, back to the present. “I’m calling off our deal.”
She stood and stared at him, then pushed her hair back behind one ear and narrowed her eyes. “Why?”
“It’s pretty simple, really,” he said, irritated that he’d even considered making any kind of deal with Colleen, that he’d let her push him around. “All I want to do is take pictures of babies.”
“Okay,” she said, drawing the word out. “But what does this have to do with your…deal?”
He snorted. “I’m not going to make some dumb deal with you to make sure you find a way to work with me. That’s your choice, not mine, and frankly, I don’t give a damn what choice you make.”
She widened her eyes, clearly taken aback by his harshness, then moved over and opened the refrigerator and pulled out a can of diet pop. “I don’t know whether I should be jumping for joy or feel insulted.”
He shrugged. “I’m not trying to be insulting, just realistic. I told myself that you needed to find a way to work with me to do this job.” He let out a derisive laugh. “That’s a load of bull, and I’m not going to beg you to do your job. I’m sure Joe can find someone else to work with me.”
“Actually, I’ve already asked him to find someone and I’m it.” She pulled her lips into a triumphant smile. “So I guess my friend and her baby are in.”
He ground his back teeth together. It rubbed him the wrong way to have to redesign his layout to include another baby, but it wasn’t worth fighting with Colleen about. The less contact he had with her, the better. He nodded. “Yeah, your friend and her baby are in.”
Her face relaxed. “Good,” she said, walking toward him. She laid her free hand on his forearm for a moment. “You won’t regret it, I promise.” She moved by, her scent briefly masking the coffee and popcorn smell. “I’m going to call Maggie right now. I bet she’ll be thrilled.”
Colleen left the lunchroom and Aiden felt the warm place her touch had branded on his arm. Her light scent lingered in the air, intoxicating and evocative, fueling memories of her in his arms, her blue eyes staring into his soul, making him feel happy and content and loved.
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Lissa Manley
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: SHE DIDN′T DO CUTE OR CUDDLY.But reporter Colleen Stewart′s latest article sent her bravely charging into the dangerous world of toddlers. Yet she hadn′t realized quite how much peril she was in. Because not only was she surrounded by precocious crumb-snatchers, she also had to work with Aiden Forbes–the one man she almost gave up her career for….HE WASN′T USED TO DIAPERS AND DROOL.But still recovering from his last assignment, Aiden needed this job. Would this war-hardened photographer survive the babies–and also Colleen′s rejection? Aiden′s next battle would be his toughest because now he had to make Colleen realize she needed a child–his child!