Mr. Right All Along
Mr. Right All Along
Jennifer Taylor
Dr Right in front of her eyesPaediatricians Eve and Ryan have not been having a relationship all the way back to their student days! They were firm friends, nothing more, because Ryan never-short-of-a-date Sullivan didnt ever intend to get involved with anyone and Eve was waiting for Mr Right. Then a playful kiss revealed a chemistry so explosive it sent them running in different directions!Now Eves new boss at Dalverston General is Ryan! Neither has forgotten that kiss, but Eves had herfingers burned by one Mr Right and, no matter how gorgeous Ryan is, she still isnt going to get involved with himright?
Eves eyes widened, her pupils dilating, as she found herself taking fresh stock of the crisp dark brown hair clipped close to his well-shaped head, the dark slash of his eyebrows framing equally dark eyes, the firm strength of his jaw.
Her gaze swooped lower, running over the broad shoulders, a well-muscled chest, trim waist. He was wearing running shorts cut high at the sides and they made the most of his long legs, showing off well-developed thigh muscles and firm calves. He looked fit and healthy and so incredibly attractive, even to her jaundiced eyes, that she gulped.
She didnt need this! She had allowed physical attraction to dictate her actions once before and look how that had endedwith her life in tatters and her spirit shattered. All she wanted now was to pick up the threads and weave them together, attempt to get back what she had lost and by doing so find herself. No matter how attractive Ryan was she wasnt going to get involved with him. Ever.
She glanced deliberately at her watch and shrugged. Is that the time? Ill have to go.
Me too.
He treated her to one of his wonderfully warm smiles and Eve had to force herself not to respond. There was no point encouraging him, after all.
See you tomorrow, she called, hurrying away.
She rounded a bend in the path and slowed, aware that her heart was racing. The one thing she had never allowed for was that she would be attracted to another man, but there was no point denying it. She was attracted to Ryan and she had to keep well away from him
She groaned when it struck her how difficult it was going to be. Avoiding Ryan wasnt possible when they had to work together, but somehow she had to keep a rein on her feelings. The thing she mustnt do was make another mistake.
Dear Reader
I had wanted to write this story for some time, but I just couldnt seem to find the right characters who would be able to handle such an emotive tale. Then one day, when I was out walking my dog, Eve and Ryan suddenly appeared in my head and I knew they would be perfect.
They both have major issues to contend with and they have both suffered in the past, making them afraid of what the future holds in store for them. However, when they meet up again and start to fall in love, they realise that they can help one another if they are willing to take a chance.
I really loved writing this book. Eve and Ryan are two brave people who deserve to find happiness. If you would like to know more about the background to this book then do visit my blog: Jennifertaylorauthor.wordpress.com. I would love to hear your comments.
Love
Jennifer
JENNIFER TAYLOR lives in the north-west of England, in a small village surrounded by some really beautiful countryside. She has written for several different Mills & Boon
series in the past, but it wasnt until she read her first Medical Romance that she truly found her niche. She was so captivated by these heartwarming stories that she set out to write them herself! When shes not writing, or doing research for her latest book, Jennifers hobbies include reading, gardening, travel, and chatting to friends both on and off-line. She is always delighted to hear from readers, so do visit her website at www.jennifer-taylor.com
Mr Right All Along
Jennifer Taylor
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
To my nephews, Neil and Simon Burgess, who undertook the Three Peaks Challenge and not only raised a lot of money for charity but also saved their poor aunt from having to do it in the name of research!
Thanks, boys. You are both stars!
Table of Contents
Cover (#u52e12414-3af4-51a0-96f5-c81ce86ccd6e)
Excerpt (#u8721cd16-9f02-5fdf-b9c5-69efdcca9c58)
About the Author (#u0292d097-f7ee-5876-92a7-08669580d160)
Title Page (#uf72ed9a3-1870-5f22-9144-731042c5904b)
Dedication (#u9bc07dc8-236d-5888-a558-9060eaa53953)
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#uec279540-4d5f-57b4-8107-8638c777805d)
BAA, BAA, BLACK sheep have you any wool? Yes, sir, yes, sir, three bags full.
Ryan Sullivan winced as he passed the door to Dalverston Generals High Dependency Paediatric Unit. Whilst he would never have claimed to possess a wonderful singing voice, at least he could carry a tunewhich was more than could be said for whoever was murdering that nursery rhyme! He eased open the door, feeling surprise shoot through him when he saw Eve Pascoe sitting beside the bed. Apart from the fact that it was lunchtime and she should be taking her break, Eve was the last person he would have expected to be giving such a rousing performance.
Ryan frowned as that thought sank in. He had first met Eve during his rotationstheyd been students together in London and had trained at the same hospital. Eve had been bright, witty, funny, warm everything she wasnt any more. What had happened to her in the past few years? he wondered, not for the first time. Why had she changed so much? Although she was always polite whenever he spoke to her, she was so distant these days and not just towards him either.
Eve had been at Dalverston General for almost two months now yet she hadnt made any attempt to join in the usual extramural staff activities. Invitations to curry nights and cinema trips had been politely refused without any reason being given. She had earned herself a reputation for being a bit of a snob, in fact, although Ryan didnt believe that. Maybe Eve did come from a very wealthy background but he had known her before and there had been nothing snobby about Eve Pascoe then, he recalled, and wondered why the thought disturbed him so much. He might be intrigued to find out what had happened to her, but it was friendly curiosity, that was all. He certainly wasnt romantically interested in her.
Eve suddenly looked up and Ryan smoothed his face into a noncommittal expression. He didnt do romance, didnt do commitment, didnt do anything that might cause anyone any grief. Love and all its attendant problems werent on his agenda now or ever.
I heard you singing, he said, returning to what had brought him into the room. He grinned when she blushed. It was, well different, shall I say.
Daisys mother said it was her favourite nursery rhyme, Eve replied defensively, standing up.
She bent over the bed where five-year-old Daisy Martin was lying curled up into a tight little ball and Ryan got another shock when he saw her smile at the child. She looked so like the old Eve when she smiled like that, happy and warm and caring. It made the change in her all the more marked so that his interest was piqued even more. He realised that he wouldnt rest until he had found out what had happened to bring about such a massive change in her.
Ill come back to see you later, sweetheart. Close your eyes and have a little sleep now. Theres a good girl. She gently smoothed back the childs thick black curls then headed to the door, pausing when Ryan failed to move out of her way.
Sorry.
He stepped aside, automatically following her along the corridor although he had been heading to the canteen before hed got sidetracked. Still, lunch could wait. He was more interested in finding out what had happened to Eve in the past few years, although he wasnt vain enough to think she would simply come out and tell him. Eve preferred to keep her own counsel these days and she would be as unlikely to open her heart to him as to anyone else.
The thought stung just a little and far more than it should have done. Although theyd been friendsgood friends tootheyd not had a relationship; Ryan had made sure of that. Oh, thered been that one occasion after he had kissed her under the mistletoe when he had almost caved in but he had realised in time what a mistake it would be.
Although Eve was extremely pretty with that long red-gold hair and those wonderful grey-green eyes, she was very different from the women he normally dated. He preferred women who were more worldly wise, women, like him, who werent looking for commitment, and Eve hadnt fitted that bill. Even though she had ticked so many other boxes, he had never tried to turn their friendship into something more, especially after that kiss. He had realised that night how easy it would be to get involved with her and it had been the last thing hed wanted.
It had been a relief, in fact, when shed started seeing one of the registrars a short time later because it had stopped him fantasising about what might have been. Eve wasnt for him but even though hed known that, it had been harder than hed expected to get her out of his head after that kiss. However, once Damien Blackwell had appeared on the scene, everything had changed. Eves time had been taken up by Damien and shed stopped spending so much time with him and their friends.
Ryan had told himself he was glad that she was happy, and he had been too even though he had missed her. Their friendship had meant a lot to him so hed been stunned when he had heard that she had dropped out of the training programme. Eve hadnt told him what she was planning; one day shed been there and the next shed gone and that was the last hed seen of her. Although he had often wondered why she had given up, he hadnt tried to find her. Hed been wary of doing that, of getting involved. He had nothing to offer Eve so he had told himself that it was her decision and that was the end of the matter.
Now, however, Ryan couldnt help wondering if it was Damien who was responsible for the change in her, Damien who had taken away her sparkle, her warmth, her humour and turned her into the distant young woman she was today. He sensed it was true and a rare rush of anger swept through him. He couldnt bear to think that Eves life had been blighted by the other man. It made his own decision not to get involved all the more valid. He didnt intend to be responsible for ruining some poor womans life!
Eve brought up Daisy Martins file on the computer. The little girl had sickle cell anaemia, an inherited blood disease. Daisys red blood cells were abnormal resulting in a chronic and very severe form of anaemia. The youngest of three children born to Jamaican parents, Daisy was the only one to have inherited the condition. It had first presented itself when shed been a baby, causing fatigue, headaches, shortness of breath and jaundice. Although Daisy had been fairly well for some time, she had recently suffered a crisis and had been admitted to HDPU as she required careful nursing. She was such a lovely child too, Eve thought sadly as she started to write up her notes. It didnt seem fair that she should suffer this way.
She typed in the time and the date, doing her best to ignore Ryan. She always felt uneasy around him, always on her guard, always wary in case she slipped up. After all, Ryan had known her in the old days, pre-Damien, and she was very aware that he must have noticed how much she had changed.
She sighed, recalling her shock when shed discovered that Ryan was working at Dalverston General. She had applied for the post specifically because shed thought she would be unlikely to meet up with anyone she had known in the past. Her peers had moved on to bigger and better things and, like Ryan, were part way up the professional ladder now.
Dropping out had set her back and she had a lot of ground to make up. She didnt need the added stress of having to explain why she had given up her studies. She had explained it all to Roger Hopkins, the hospitals manager, when she had been for her interview, and that had been difficult enough.
Thankfully, it was only Ryan who knew what she had done and although people might wonder why she was still an F1 at her age, it was doubtful if they would ask, especially when she made a point of keeping them at arms length. If anyone questioned her, it would be Ryan so she had to be especially careful around him. Maybe they had been good friends but she didnt want to admit to him what a fool shed been and had no intention whatsoever of letting him know how ashamed she felt. She would feel even more humiliated if Ryan found out the truth.
Daisys definitely improving, isnt she?
Ryan sat down on the edge of the desk and Eve flinched. She couldnt help it. Although she had learned to deal with her fear of physical contact with regard to her patients, it still made her feel a little panicky whenever anyone got too close, especially a man.
Not every man was like Damien, she reminded herself. Ryan wasnt a bully or a control freak. or not so far as she knew. He had been warm and funny and full of good humour when shed known him before and he didnt appear to have changed, although she couldnt be sure, could she? Damien had seemed very different in the beginning, before she had got to know him better and discovered what he was capable of.
Panic rose inside her and she had to breathe in and out before she could reply. Even then her voice sounded strained and she hated it. She didnt want to be like this, didnt want to be a victim, but thats what she was. She had allowed Damien Blackwell to take over her life, to take control of her. It would be a long time before she found her true self again, if it ever happened.
She is. Shes a lot brighter today. Eve quickly typed in the few sentences that were all that were needed to update the file and saved it. Standing up, she came around the desk and had to pause yet again when she realised that she couldnt get past Ryan without touching him. Even though she was over the worst of her fears, the thought of feeling his skin brush against hers made her breath catch. She could cope with touching the children, could even manage to touch another adult if the occasion warranted it, but the thought of touching Ryan made her tremble for some reason.
Hey, are you all right? He leant forward, his dark brown eyes filled with concern. Youve gone really pale. Do you feel faint?
Eve struggled to get a grip. I I never had any breakfast, she murmured. Would she ever get over this fear completely, ever be able to enjoy a physical relationship again? She had tried everything, had had counselling, spoken to other victims of abuse, but the fear was so deeply rooted, the memories too clear: first the seemingly loving touch and then the violence
Come on. Ill treat you to lunch.
Ryan put his hand under her arm to lead her to the door and Eve freaked out. She pushed him away.
Dont touch me!
He stepped back at once, his face set. Im sorry. I didnt mean to upset you. Maybe you should go and get something to eat. You obviously need it.
He spun round on his heel and stalked out of the door, making it clear that he was deeply offended. Eve sank down onto a chair, her whole body trembling as reaction set in. What a fool she was! Why on earth had she reacted that way? Now it would be all round the unit that she was unbalanced, unstable
Only she doubted if Ryan would tell anyone what had happened. From what she remembered, he wasnt like that. He had been kind and supportive when she had known him before and she wanted to believe that he hadnt changed even if she had.
Eve took a deep breath, surprised by how important that idea was. Knowing that Ryan hadnt changed made her feel better for some reason.
Ryan found it impossible to put what had happened out of his mind. All through afternoon ward rounds he found himself thinking about the way Eve had reacted when he had touched her. It wasnt the usual response he received: most women were more than happy to have him touch them and a whole lot more. However, there had been genuine fear in Eves eyes and he could only put it down to one reason: had she been subjected to some sort of physical abuse?
The thought was more than he could stand and he knew that he had to find out the truth. If Eve had been in an abusive relationship, he wanted to help her. If he could. He sighed as he finished explaining to Rex Manning, their consultant, that he was hoping to discharge the patient they were examining the following day. Why on earth should Eve trust him, after all?
Good. This is what I like to see, my patients making rapid progress. Rex smiled charmingly at seven-year-old Alfie Hudsons anxious parents. Alfie had been admitted with appendicitis, which had been successfully dealt with, and Rex was keen to enjoy the kudos even though it was Ryan who had performed the surgery. An excellent result, wouldnt you say, Mr and Mrs Hudson?
Ryan grimaced as the young couple immediately showered Rex with praise. Although Rex was a bit of a diva, he was excellent at his job and Ryan was prepared to cut him a lot of slack because of it. He caught Eves eye and winked and, amazingly, she winked back. It was such a surprise after her earlier rejection that it felt as though he was floating on air as they proceeded to the next bed, and it was unnerving to realise that she could have this effect on him. Maybe he did want to help her, but he couldnt afford to get too involved in her affairs.
He had his own agenda, things he needed to do, things that were too important to put off. He was the lucky one after all. He was still here, enjoying his life, doing what he wanted. His twin brother, Scott, hadnt been so lucky. Scott hadnt had time to make his mark on the world so he, Ryan, had to do it for him. The fact was that he didnt have time to worry about Eve when he had so much else to focus on.
Ryan knew it was true. It was what he had decided after Scott had died so tragically when they were seventeen. He had sworn then that Scott wouldnt be forgotten and he had worked towards that aim for all these years. It was thanks to his efforts that the money for over thirty portable defibrillators had been raised. They had been placed in shopping centres, swimming pools, sports arenas and the next step was to get them into schools.
No one should die as Scott had done because of a lack of equipment. No parents should have to go through the horror of losing a child as his parents had done. Ryan had set himself this task and he would carry it through to the bitter end, until he was too old to run another sponsored race or climb one more mountain. He didnt have time for a relationship even if it were possible.
He glanced at Eve and felt his heart contract in alarm. He knew what he had to do, so why did it suddenly seem more important that he help Eve, turn her back into the warm and caring woman she had been?
CHAPTER TWO (#uec279540-4d5f-57b4-8107-8638c777805d)
IT WAS GONE seven before Eve left the hospital. Daisy Martins parents had asked to speak to her and she had spent some time reassuring them. One of the worst things about sickle cell anaemia was that nobody could predict when a crisis would occur. It made it even more stressful for Daisys parents.
Evening visiting was under way as she walked through the main doors. She was renting a flat close to the river and she decided to walk home rather than wait for the bus, which would be packed. It was a warm evening, the sun just sliding below the surrounding hills.
Originally, Dalverston had been a sleepy little market town straddling the borders of Lancashire and Cumbria. Although it had expanded in the past thirty years, it had retained its charm and attracted many visitors. With Easter just a week away, there were a lot of tourists in the area and Eve had to wait until the lights changed before she could cross the road. She had always lived in the city before and had wondered if she would adapt to a more rural way of life but it had turned out better than she had expected. She felt safe here, safe and secure, and that was something she valued more than anything.
She reached the footpath leading down to the river and decided to take a short cut. It was quicker this way and she wanted to get home as soon as possible. It had been a difficult day and it would be a relief to go in and shut the door on the world, although she wasnt foolish enough to think she could forget what had happened. She had overreacted when Ryan had touched her and she knew that he must be wondering why she had behaved so oddly. Would he ask her or would he let it pass? It all depended how interested he was in her, she decided.
The thought sent a shiver down her spine and she quickened her pace. She couldnt bear the thought of Ryan finding out what had happened. She felt ashamed enough without people knowing how stupid she had been. She had allowed Damien Blackwell to rule her life because shed thought he had loved her, but it hadnt been love; it had been something far more destructive. It had taken her a while to realise it and when she had, shed also realised that she could never trust her own judgement again. She had been taken in once and it could happen a second time.
That bleak thought kept her company as she made her way along the path. It was so peaceful away from the traffic that she felt herself start to relax for the first time since her encounter with Ryan. She had overreacted and she really should apologise, but what could she say? That the thought of any man laying his hands on her filled her with horror? That would only give rise to more questions and that was the last thing she wanted. Something told her that she would find it harder to withhold the truth from Ryan than from anyone else.
Ryan felt too restless to spend the evening watching television. What had happened with Eve had continued to trouble him and he found that he couldnt put it out of his mind. He was more convinced than ever that something awful had happened to her and the thought plagued him. Eve had been so sweet and funny and it wasnt right that she should have suffered in any way. He wanted to offer her his support, although he guessed that she would reject it. Eve didnt want anything from him, as she had made clear.
In an effort to take his mind off the subject, he decided to go for a run. He was undertaking the Three Peaks Challenge to raise more funds in a few weeks time and he needed to step up his training. As soon as he got home, he changed into his running clothes and set off, taking the path that led along the riverbank. It was a mild evening, perfect for running, and he soon found himself unwinding. Maybe there was something he could do to help Eve, he mused. If he could just persuade her to trust him, it would be a start.
He rounded a bend and came to an abrupt halt when he almost cannoned right into Eve. Sorry! he exclaimed, reaching out to steady her when she staggered. His hands gripped her forearms and he felt to the very second when surprise turned to something else. He quickly released her, trying to clamp down on the anger that rose inside him. Nobody should feel this scared, and especially not Eve!
I I didnt know you enjoyed running. Her voice was tight, hinting at the effort it cost her to speak at all, and he was overwhelmed with tenderness. Maybe she was scared but she was doing her best not to show it.
Im not sure if I actually enjoy it but its a necessary evil, he replied lightly, grinning at her. Im supposed to be doing the Three Peaks Challenge soon and I need to get down to some serious training. Id hate to think that Ill be the one who has to drop out on the first leg!
She smiled back. I doubt that will happen. You look pretty fit to me.
It was the sort of throwaway comment that anyone might have made; however, the fact that it was Eve who had made it did all sorts of things to his libido. Ryan cleared his throat, terrified that he would do the unforgivable and let her see the effect it was having on him. Eve hadnt meant anything by it, he told himself sternly. And she certainly hadnt meant to imply that she found him attractive!
I wish I shared your confidence. He managed to hold his smile but it was tough. Since he and Eve had met up again he had followed her lead and kept his distance. It was obviously what she wanted yet he couldnt help wondering if he should have been more proactive. If hed taken a different approach then maybe she would have found it easier to confide in him? The thought spurred him on even though the voice of reason was telling him to back off. He didnt have time to worry about Eve when he had so much else on his agenda, reason insisted, but the advice fell on deaf ears.
Ive become a real couch potato during the winter. I dont think Ive been out running more than a handful of times since Christmas, in fact. No way will I manage to climb the three highest mountains in Britain unless I put in some serious work.
I see. Are you doing it as personal challenge or for charity? she queried, pushing back a strand of red-gold hair as the wind whipped it across her face.
Charity, Ryan replied thickly. He cleared his throat, doing his utmost to behave sensibly. He liked women and they liked him. He seemed to have a genuine rapport with the opposite sex, in fact, so that he had never really thought about all the nuances of a relationship. If he asked a woman out and she acceptedwhich she usually didhe simply got on with enjoying her company. If the relationship moved on to something more intimate, that was great. If it didnt then he had made himself another friend.
What he had never done was stand around dissecting his feelings, totting up how much of what he felt was based on sexual attraction. He always saw a woman as a whole person and yet here he was, awash with lust, because he couldnt get past the thought of touching that silky strand of hair!
Im raising money to put a couple of portable defibrillators into the local high school, he explained hastily. Thinking about Scott, and what he needed to do, always focused his mind, although it didnt seem to be quite as effective as usual. He hurried on. Once theyre sorted, Ill make a start on the primary schools.
I see. Eve frowned, an almost imperceptible puckering of her brow, and his libido took a giant leap and set off running again. Its a great idea, obviously, but what made you get involved in a project like that?
My brother. Ryan swallowed but there didnt seem to be even the tiniest drop of moisture in his mouth. He longed to continue, to bombard Eveand himselfwith facts so he could forget how much he would like to smooth away those tiny frown lines, but it wasnt possible.
Hes involved too, is he?
In a way, yes.
Funny, I never knew that you had a brother.
Her frown deepened, as well it might, Ryan realised bleakly. Although they had been good friends and swapped a lot of confidences, he had never told her about Scott. They had chatted about work, about their ambitions, about music they liked and films they had seen, but never about the one thing that had had the biggest influence on his life. Now he realised with a start that he hadnt told her because hed wanted their conversations to be a sort of haven. When he was with Eve, he could forget everything else. He wasnt Scotts brother or his parents sole remaining child: he was simply himself.
Eve had no idea what was going on inside Ryans head and she didnt want to know either. Something warned her that it would be far too stressful. She summoned a smile, the sort of brightly meaningless smile she had spent ages practising in front of her bedroom mirror. After she had left Damien, she hadnt smiled for months. Thered been nothing to smile about, but gradually she had realised that she had to play her part for other peoples benefit. They would only ask questions if she went around with a long face.
Thats good. It must be nice to share a common interest.
It would be if Scott was around.
Ryans voice was so empty of emotion that it rang hollowly. Eves eyes flew to his face and her heart contracted when she saw the expression it held. Even though she really didnt want to ask the question, she had no choice. She couldnt ignore the pain in his eyes, couldnt pretend she didnt see it even though it was what she longed to do.
What do you mean? Why isnt he around?
My brother died when we were seventeen. We were twinsfraternal, not identical. Not that it makes any difference, of course.
I had no idea She stopped and he shrugged.
Why should you? I never told you about him so theres no way you could have known.
Why? The word slid out before she could stop it and she bit her lip. She was falling into the trap shed wanted to avoid, asking questions, listening to answers, moving that bit closer to another human being. She needed to remain detached, indifferent, uninvolved but it wasnt possible. Not with Ryan anyhow.
Why didnt I tell you? He grimaced. Oh, all sorts of reasons. Because I wanted to enjoy our conversations without having to think about what had happened. Because I didnt want to be Scotts brother, i.e. the twin who hadnt died. Because, selfishly, I just wanted to be myself with all that did and didnt entail.
His honesty affected her far more than it should have done. Eve felt a wave of sympathy wash over her. Reaching out, she went to touch his hand then stopped. Even though she longed to comfort him, she needed to maintain her distance.
It wasnt selfish. It must have been well, very hard for you.
Not as hard as it was for Scott. His tone was wry but it didnt conceal the pain he felt and her heart ached all the more.
I cant begin to imagine what it must be like to lose someone you love, but it wasnt your fault, Ryan. You werent to blame in any way.
I know that.
He shrugged, his shoulders rising and falling beneath the close-fitting black T-shirt he was wearing, and Eves heart performed another odd manoeuvre, one it hadnt performed for many years. All of a sudden she was aware of him in a way that she hadnt been since that night when he had kissed her under the mistletoe at the hospital Christmas party. It had started out as a joke. Egged on by their friends, Ryan had rolled his eyes and given in and kissed her. However, the moment his mouth had found hers, everything had changed.
Eve could still recall her shock as wave after wave of sensation had poured through her. Although shed been kissed before, she had never felt anything like it. Ryans lips had awoken feelings inside her that shed never experienced before, made her feel hot and hungry, made her want more than just a kiss. When he had let her go, shed felt dazed and disorientated, filled with wonder that a mere kiss could arouse such a response inside her. Shed half expected him to do it again, to kiss her in private this time without their friends cheering them on, but he hadnt.
If anything, he had become decidedly distant in the days followingtaking his breaks separately from her, turning down invitations for them to have lunch together with the flimsiest of excuses. Eve had felt incredibly hurt at first until shed realised that he was simply acting true to form. Ryan didnt do relationships, didnt do commitment, didnt do anything that might encourage a woman to think he wanted her in his life long term. Maybe he was happy to have her as a friend but that was all.
Now, however, Eves eyes widened, her pupils dilating as she found herself taking fresh stock of the crisp dark brown hair clipped close to his well-shaped head, the dark slash of his eyebrows framing equally dark eyes, the firm strength of his jaw. Her gaze swooped lower, running over the broad shoulders, a well-muscled chest, trim waist. He was wearing running shorts cut high at the sides and they made the most of his long legs, showing off well-developed thigh muscles and firm calves. He looked fit and healthy and so incredibly attractive, even to her jaundiced eyes, that she gulped.
She didnt need this! She had allowed physical attraction to dictate her actions once before and look how it had ended, with her life in tatters and her spirit shattered. All she wanted now was to pick up the threads and weave them together, attempt to get back what she had lost and by doing so find herself. No matter how attractive Ryan was, she wasnt going to get involved with him. Ever.
Good. Im glad to hear it, she said in a cool little voice that was totally at odds with how she felt. She glanced deliberately at her watch and shrugged. Is that the time? Ill have to go.
Me too. He treated her to one of his wonderfully warm smiles and Eve had to force herself not to respond. There was no point encouraging him, after all.
See you tomorrow, she called, hurrying away. She rounded a bend in the path and slowed, aware that her heart was racing. The one thing she had never allowed for was that she would be attracted to another man but there was no point denying it. She was attracted to Ryan and she had to keep well away from him
She groaned when it struck her how difficult it was going to be. Avoiding Ryan wasnt possible when they had to work together but somehow she had to keep a rein on her feelings. The thing she mustnt do was make another mistake.
Ryan did his best not to think about his encounter with Eve on the riverbank but failed. Miserably. As the week wended its way towards the weekend, he found himself returning to those minutes they had spent together far too often. Maybe Eve hadnt said anything but hed have needed to be deaf, dumb and blind not to have noticed her reaction. She had looked at him and hed known that it had been a lightbulb moment for her the same as it had been for him. Because if Eve had suddenly realised he was a man, he had definitely realised that she was a woman. A very attractive woman too.
Saturday rolled around and he thanked merciful heaven that he didnt have to go into work. He had the weekend off, forty-eight hours completely Eve-free. If he didnt manage to sort himself out then it wouldnt be for want of trying, he decided as he slotted bread into the toaster for his breakfast.
Once hed eaten, he intended to go for a run and after that hed do a few dozen laps of the local swimming pool. After that, maybe a little weight training would jolt his mind back into the sensible lane. If that didnt work either he would think of something else, although it was doubtful if hed be fit to undertake any more exercise. He hadnt been lying when hed told Eve that he had let his training lapse of late
Eve.
Eve.
Red-gold hair.
Grey-green eyes.
Luscious curves.
Ryan cursed roundly as he exited the kitchen. Forget breakfast; he was going running now. And somewhere along the way he was going to outrun these thoughts that plagued him.
He followed the same route he had taken that night too, working on the principle that lightning didnt strike twice. It didnt either because he had rounded the bend when he spotted Eve coming towards him. He slowed down, hurriedly debating his options. Should he turn around and head back the way hed come or would that be too revealing? If hed spotted Eve, she was bound to have seen him and he didnt want her to think that he had a problem with her even if he did.
One stride, two, and that was it; the decision was out of his hands. Ryan came to a halt, breathing far more heavily than the effort hed expended warranted. It was just that seeing Eve made him feel breathless and giddy and all sorts of things he didnt normally feel. He groaned under his breath. Hell and damnation. He had a really big problem, Houston!
Eve came to a halt, her heart beating in rapid little jerks. She could lie to herself but what was the point? She had chosen to walk by the river because she had thought hoped that she might see Ryan here. That was the truth, although it wasnt all of it. She wasnt ready to work out why shed wanted to see him when she had decided to keep well away from him. She would start with the easy bit and work up to the difficult bits later Possibly.
We meet again. She gave a little laugh, wincing when she realised that it sounded like a rusty nail being scraped down a blackboard. Ryan was jogging on the spot, obviously keen to keep up the momentum, and she felt a spurt of irritation strike her. He could at least pretend to be pleased to see her, couldnt he?
Looks like it. He grinned at her, his handsome face breaking into the same wonderfully warm smile hed treated her to the other night, and Eve was instantly mollified and smiled back.
Youre obviously a glutton for punishment.
Or desperate. He laughed, a soft rumble emerging from his powerful chest. Can you imagine how mortifying it will be if I have to drop out after Ive persuaded everyone else to take part in this challenge?
He rolled his eyes and Eve laughed more naturally this time. It wouldnt look very good.
Too right it wouldnt. He chuckled. Marie, for one, would never let me live it down, he said, referring Marie Thomas, the paediatric units redoubtable ward sister.
Eves brows rose. Is Marie taking part?
Yep. Shes raised almost three hundred pounds in sponsorship pledges too.
Thats fabulous! she exclaimed, genuinely impressed.
It is. Were on course to raise almost ten thousand pounds all told, which is a lot of money.
It certainly is. Youll have to put me down as a sponsor. Will fifty pounds be enough? Ive no idea what the going rate is.
That would be brilliant. Thank you.
He touched her hand in a spontaneous gesture of thanks and Eve did her best not to react, but it was like trying to turn back the tide. A rush of panic engulfed her and she gasped. Ryan bent and looked into her face, looked deep into her eyes, into her soul even, and she could see the anger burning inside him.
I dont know whos responsible for the way youve changed, Eve, but whoever it was, he did a real number on you. I dont know if theres anything I can do but if there is, you only have to ask. He stepped back and his face was set. I want to help you, Eve. If youll let me.
CHAPTER THREE (#uec279540-4d5f-57b4-8107-8638c777805d)
WHAT WAS SHE doing here?
Eves head spun as she stared around the kitchen. There was so much colour in the room that her eyes were dazzled. Deep yellow walls, bright blue cupboards, multicoloured china stacked on the shelves. The kettle was red, the toaster purple, the washing-up bowl an eye-watering green. It was like finding herself slap-bang in the middle of a rainbow and she felt disorientated, confused. Her life was all shades of grey, from washed-out silver to deep, dark charcoal. Colour was something she couldnt handle. Colour hinted at extremes, at passion, at desire, at all the things she didnt want to experience.
Colour scared her too because it reflected her feelings for Ryan. She couldnt see him in terms of black and white or even charcoal and silver. He was imprinted in her head in glorious Technicolor exactly like this room.
Sorry about that. It was my mother. She seems to have a knack of phoning when its least convenient.
Ryan came back into the room and Eve forced herself to concentrate. Hed put on a track suit over his running clothes, plain black, unadorned and mercifully lacking in colour. She watched as he headed to the gleaming red kettle and flicked the switch. She could hear the water hissing as it came to the boil, hear it getting louder and louder, and her senses were assaulted once more, only by noise this time. If she didnt do colour then she didnt do noise either!
She shot to her feet, almost overturning the chair in her haste to escape. Ryan glanced round, his expression as bland as a babys. She knew he could tell how panicstricken she felt but he didnt ask her what was wrong or offer suggestions to calm her down. He simply accepted her turmoil and for some reason she felt better because of it.
At least have a cup of coffee before you go. Itll only take a couple of seconds to make it.
He took a pair of mugs off a shelf and spooned instant coffee granules into them then topped them up with boiling water. The milk was in the fridgethe jug was orangethe sugar in a bowl that had multicoloured spots on it. He dumped everything on the table and sat down, leaving her to decide what she intended to do.
She could go or she could stay and it was all the same to him, he was trying to imply, only she knew it wasnt how he really felt. Not inside. Ryan wanted her to stay. And he wanted her to stay because he cared. That was why he had insisted she should come home with him, but did she want him to care? That was the big question, the one she couldnt answer now and maybe not ever.
Fancy a biscuit? Or how about some toast?
He half rose but Eve shook her head and he subsided back onto his chair. Picking up his mug, he drank a little coffee, blowing on the glassy black surface first to cool it. Eve averted her eyes, not wanting to watch how his lips puckered as he sucked in air then blew it out in a soft little sigh that seemed ridiculously loud to her hypersensitive ears. She didnt want her senses to stir from their slumbers again, didnt want to feel attraction or anything else. She just wanted to be, with all that did and didnt entail.
Silence fell as she sat down and unconsciously she started counting the minutes. How long would it last, this silence? One minute? Ten? Shed come to dread the silences when shed been with Damien. When he wasnt talking, he was thinking and she had learned to fear his thoughts as much as his actions. Damien could turn peace and quiet into terror in the blink of an eye so she had chattered on, inane comments aimed at soothing him, even though they had rarely worked.
Tears started to her eyes as the memories came flooding back and she stared into her coffee, wishing she could sink into its dark heart and disappear. She couldnt do this. She wasnt brave enough to gather up the threads and learn how to be herself again.
Tell me, Eve. I cant promise it will help but it might and that has to be better than this.
Ryans voice was so calm, so patient, so free of threat that Eve felt a little of the fear trickle out of her. She shrugged, her hands cradling the mug because it was something to hold onto.
Whats to tell? I think youve guessed already, havent you?
Guessing is one thing. Hearing about what youve been through is something else.
He half reached towards her then stopped and pain rippled under her skin. He wouldnt touch her again. He knew how she felt about being touched because she had made it clear. Maybe she should be relieved yet it was more proof of how much she had changed. Ryan had often put his arm around her in the past, often hugged her in a friendly fashion, and all of a sudden she missed being on the receiving end of his warmth and kindness, missed being normal. If she could learn to give and receive the odd hug, it would mean she was on her way to finding the person she had been.
I was in an abusive relationship. It took me almost two years to pluck up the courage to leave and Im still getting over what happened.
You did well to get out when you did. A lot of women never find the strength to cut the ties.
His tone was level. There was no hint of censure for her or for her abuser but Eve wasnt fooled. Ryan hated the thought of her being treated so badly and a little more fear trickled away and a tiny bit of warmth took its place.
I didnt think Id have the strength either, which is funny, really, because I always thought that I would never put up with being abused. We used to see women like that when we were doing our rotations, didnt we? She carried on when he nodded, suddenly eager to explain why she had allowed it to happen to her. I could never understand why they let their husbands or boyfriends treat them the way they did, but its different when it happens to you.
I remember one woman telling me that she hated what was happening and hated herself even more for allowing it to happen, but she didnt know how to stop it.
His voice was still calm, uncritical, relaxed. They could have been discussing the price of fish for all the emotion he betrayed but Eve knew it was an act. Ryan cared. He really cared. She clung to that thought. She loved her partner and couldnt imagine a life without him, I expect.
Its all part of it, isnt it? He shrugged. The abuser makes his victim so dependent on him that she finds it impossible to imagine not being with him.
Or her. There are men who are victims of abuse too.
True, although not as many men suffer abuse as women do.
No. Eve swallowed, feeling sick. It always happened whenever she had to admit that she was a victim of abuse. Oh, she might know that she was, but knowing it and admitting it were two very different things.
How did it start? Ryan prompted, and she forced the nausea down. Now that she had got this far, she wanted to carry on to the end, surprisingly enough.
Exactly as you read about it in all the textbooks. She gave a little laugh and he laughed too and it made her feel better, as though they were in this together. It was such a crazy idea that she immediately dismissed it. Ryan wasnt part of this and he never would be. She was the one who had to learn to cope, to live, to forgive herself.
Damien was so charming, so funny, so sexy, and I was completely smitten. I never realised how controlling he was until it was too late. She shrugged. I found it touching that he wanted to see me every night, that he hated me going out with friends, that he loathed us being apart. I thought it showed his vulnerable side and thats something a lot of women find attractive. I certainly did.
So when did you realise that it wasnt vulnerability that was making him behave that way?
Ryans voice sounded deeper and she shivered. Was her story getting to him? Was he really thinking how stupid shed been to be taken in? She tried not to let the idea take hold but it was hard when it was what she herself believed.
It was a gradual process. Damien started to object whenever I said I was going out so, to keep the peace, I stopped making arrangements to see my friends. Then, because I always refused to go out with them, they stopped asking me.
So he got what he wanted? He isolated you. Classic behaviour, as you said.
Exactly. She managed a little smile. I should write a paper on this, shouldnt I? Only I doubt it would make any difference. Far too many women are as gullible as me.
Its not gullible to believe that someone loves you. Its what everyone wants, to love and be loved.
Is that what you want? she asked before she could think better of it.
Probably.
But you never went out with anyone for more than a couple of months, did you? You had quite a reputation for playing the field.
Did I? He shrugged but she knew that he had taken her comment to heart and wished she hadnt said anything. She had enough to do with sorting out her own life without trying to find out what made Ryan tick.
The thought that there was something behind his behaviour was intriguing. She had to make a determined effort to dismiss it. Anyway, once Damien had control of my social life, he set about controlling my working life too.
Eve stopped and took a deep breath as the full impact of that statement assailed her. Losing her friends had been bad enough, but losing her career had been so much worse. She had thrown everything away, given in to the threats and the coercion because shed been afraid of upsetting Damien. All those years of study, of hard work and determination had been reduced to nothing because she had been a coward.
In what way did he take over your working life?
Ryans voice grated and Eve steered her thoughts away from herself. Although she wanted him to know the truth, she didnt want it to have a detrimental effect on him too. It was enough that her life had been blighted by her stupidity.
Oh, it was pure textbook stuff once again, she said with an insouciance she didnt feel. You know, the odd comment that made me doubt my judgement or a look that implied I was mistaken. Damien often conducted ward rounds, if you remember. The consultant was rarely there so there were dozens of opportunities when he could belittle me. And he made the most of them, believe me.
I never realised. Ryan frowned. I can remember him being rather sharp with you a few times but I thought he was trying to make it appear that he didnt favour you. Everyone knew you two were an item and I assumed he didnt want anyone complaining that you had an unfair advantage.
No chance of that. She smiled bitterly. I was never going to get a boost up the career ladder if Damien had anything to do with it.
It must have been a nightmare for you, Eve. Did you never think of telling anyone?
No. By the time I realised what was happening, it was too late. I was too ashamed of letting myself be sucked in and too afraid of Damien to speak out.
Ryan stared at his coffee. He was gripping the mug so hard that the bones in his hands gleamed white through his skin. He forced himself to relax his grip, afraid that he would crush the china, not that it mattered. What did a broken cup matter? Eve had been put through the wringer and spat out the other side and hed been so intent on making sure that he didnt get involved that hed allowed it to happen. Even though hed had no idea what had been going on, he would never get over the guilt he felt for letting her down.
Im sorry, Eve. I know its too late, but Im really and truly sorry I wasnt there for you. He looked up, met her eyes, and felt worse than ever. She had needed him and he had failed her; what sort of a person did that make him?
You werent to know, Ryan. I made sure you didnt know, in fact. She gave a hoarse little laugh. I became extremely adept at concealing the evidence.
You mean the bruises? Ryan heard the disgust in his voice, not at what she had done by hiding the evidence but at what had been done to her, although he realised too late that it was what she thought.
Yes, although Damien was careful not to hit me where it showed most of the time.
Ryan couldnt bear it. He simply couldnt bear to hear her sounding so apologetic. She was the victim. And she was the one who should be reaping all the apologies.
Obviously a man of many talents, he said roughly, pushing back his chair. He went over to the kettle, although he doubted if he could drink any more coffee without it choking him. Still, he had to do something, had to take the edge off the moment and make it more bearable for her.
She had been so brave to tell him what she had. He had dealt with other victims of abuse and he knew how hard they found it to speak about their experiences. There was all the shame as well as the misplaced guilt, the thought that somehow they had brought it upon themselves. He couldnt bear to think that Eve believed she was responsible for what had happened to her, although he wouldnt be surprised if she did.
He swung round. What happened wasnt your fault, Eve. You do understand that?
Yes and no. She shrugged, avoiding his eyes as she stared at point above his left shoulder. Intellectually I understand it but emotionally well, its a different story.
Ryan swore under his breath as he sat down. He leant across the table, his frustration rising because he didnt dare touch her. Would they ever reach a point where he could? he wondered. A point where she wouldnt shrink away and would welcome his touch? He had no idea yet all of a sudden it seemed incredibly important that it should happen. He needed to touch Eve, for his sake as well as for hers. She may have been absent from his life for several years but he wanted her to be part of it from now on.
The thought barely had a chance to filter through the receptors in his brain when there was a loud hammering on the cottage door. Ryan stood up, frowning as he glanced along the hall.
I wonder who that is, he said, his voice sounding rough thanks to all the emotions hed had to contend with in the past half hour. He had slipped into a comfortable routine over the years. Although he dated frequently, he never gave one hundred per cent of himself to a relationship. There was always a couple of per cent held in reserve, a bit of himself going spare.
It was safer that way. If he held something back, he could remain focused on his objectives, i.e. keeping Scotts name alive and raising money to prevent other families going through what his family had gone through. However, he knew that if he involved himself in Eves affairs, he wouldnt be able to do that. He would have to give her one hundred per cent of himself and he wasnt sure if it would be wise. Something warned him that every little bit he gave to Eve would make him want to give even more and where would that leave him? In over his head, in so deep that hed never surface?
He had avoided love and avoided it for one very important reason: he didnt want to be responsible for ruining some womans life. What if he fell in love, got married, had a child and, like Scott, it died? Although he wasnt affected by the genetic abnormality that had caused his brothers death, he could pass it on to his own children. That was why he was never going to have children and why he was never going to marry either. It wouldnt be fair to enter into marriage on that basis. Maybe the woman would accept it at first, but what if she changed her mind? What if she decided that she wanted a family and he refused? How could any marriage survive that kind of pressure?
As he made his way to the door, Ryan realised that no matter how he felt about Eve, it wasnt enough. Was that why he had stuck to friendship in the past? Why he had deliberately distanced himself after that kiss? Had he known, subconsciously, that Eve was the woman who could make him reconsider his decision to remain single?
With a sudden rush of insight, he knew it was true and it made him even more determined not to get involved with her on anything more than a friendly basis. Eve had been through enough, without him ruining her life as well.
Ryans heart was heavy as he opened the door. He frowned when he found his neighbour, Maureen Roberts, on the step. She was soaking wet, dripping water and river slime all over the doormat.
We need your help, Ryan, she said before he could speak. A boys fallen into the river and hes not breathing. My Frank pulled him out but hes not sure what to do.
Right. Have you phoned for an ambulance? Ryan asked immediately.
No. Franks phone wont work. It was in his trouser pocket when he jumped into the water.
No problem. Ryan glanced round when he heard footsteps and felt his heart lift when he saw Eve before he ruthlessly brought it back down to earth. No ringing bells, no shooting starsjust friendship.
Can you phone for an ambulance? A boys fallen into the river and he isnt breathing. Im going to see what I can do to help.
He turned and jogged down the path, not waiting to see if Eve did as hed asked. He knew she would, knew too that she would follow and help him. They were certainties like the sun rising each morning and setting each night and he could cope with them. What he couldnt handle were all the unanswered questions buzzing around inside his head. Could he stick to being Eves friend? Or would he end up wanting more than friendship? And if he did, could he resist? Or would he give in?
He ran down the path to the river, ran as though his life depended on him getting there, but no matter how fast he went, he couldnt outrun the questions.
Did he?
Would he?
Should he?
Could he?
He wished he knew!
CHAPTER FOUR (#uec279540-4d5f-57b4-8107-8638c777805d)
THEY CARRIED ON trying to resuscitate the boy long after it became clear that it was hopeless. Eve took over again, pumping the childs thin chest while Ryan breathed into his mouth. She wanted to tell him to stop, wanted to assure him that theyd done everything possible, but she couldnt seem to find the words. How could she tell him that life was extinct when it was obviously so important to him that they save the boy?
The ambulance arrived at last and it was a relief to let the paramedics take over. Ryan supervised as the crew followed procedure and gave the boy a shot of adrenaline then tried to defibrillate him. They tried twice more but the result was the same: a flat, unwavering line on the screen. The boy was gone and now all that could be done for him was to inform his parents.
Ryans face was set as they watched the ambulance quietly drive away. There was no need for flashing lights or sirens now, Eve thought sadly. She forced herself to smile when Maureen came over to them, seeking reassurance.
We did everything possible, Maureen. Theres no knowing how long hed been in the water before your husband saw him, so the odds were against us from the outset.
I know that, love. Its just so hard when its a child, isnt it? Maureens face crumpled and tears rolled down her cheeks. Those poor parents. I cant imagine how awful its going to be for them when they find out.
I know, Eve agreed sadly. Is he a local child, do you know?
No. Apparently, the familys here on holiday. Theyve rented a caravan over at Fulbrook Farm, Maureen explained, sniffing noisily. Her husband appeared just then, grey-faced with shock, and led her away.
Eve sighed as she turned to Ryan, who had been standing silently to one side. Thats it, then. Theres nothing more we can do.
She thought he hadnt heard her at first but then he nodded. Swinging round on his heel, he led the way up the path, pausing briefly to give the police officer who had attended the scene his name and address. Eve gave hers as well, nodding when she was informed that she would be required to make a statement later. It was procedure and she would do what had to be done even though it gave her no pleasure. A young life had been lost and it was a tragedy.
Was that why it had had such an impact on Ryan? Had it reminded him of losing his brother? He had never told her how his twin had died but it could explain why he seemed so deeply affected by what had happened. Eve bit her lip as she followed him into the house. Whilst she didnt want to become too involved in his affairs, she couldnt walk away when he needed her. It wouldnt be fair, especially after the way he had listened to her, listened and not judged her as hed had every right to do. He had been a good friend in the past and he had been a good friend today too. Talking to him had made her feel so much better.
The thought surprised her, although she didnt dwell on it. Walking over to the kettle, she switched it on and then turned to him. I could do with a drink. How about you?
He shrugged. Fine.
He sat down, his face shuttered, his eyes blank, and Eve knew she was right. This had as much to do with losing his brother as it had with them failing to save the boys life. Pulling out a chair, she sat down, feeling a little flutter of alarm in the centre of her chest. If she asked him to tell her about his brother, it would be even harder to keep her distance, but how could she not ask? Not try to help? It would be a mark of cowardice and she refused to be a coward ever again.
I hope Im not speaking out of turn but I can see that this has affected you. Has it brought back memories of your brother?
How did you guess? He sighed as he tipped back his chair and stared at the ceiling. Eve had a feeling that he didnt want her to see just how much it had affected him and felt hurt before she realised how silly it was. Her feelings didnt matter; it was how Ryan felt that was important.
What happened to him? she asked, trying to inject a degree of objectivity into her voice that she didnt feel. She cared that Ryan was hurting and it worried her. She was too emotionally scarred to find the right balance and it would be far too easy to get swept along in a direction she shouldnt take.
He suffered a cardiac arrest. There was no warning. He just dropped down onto the ground and died.
How awful! she exclaimed. It must have been a terrible shock for you and your parents.
It was. His tone was flat. Eve guessed that it was the only way he could talk about what had happened, by keeping his emotions under control. Scott was always superbly fit. He was a brilliant footballerhe played centre forward for our schooland he took his training really seriously. He wanted to turn professional and he would have made it too. He was actually playing a match when he died. There was a scout there for one of the big league clubs and Scott was just superb, and then all of a sudden he fell to the ground.
He stopped, his expression so bleak that Eves heart ached for him. Reaching out, she touched his hand, unaware of what she was doing. She just wanted to comfort him, to console him, to offer anything she could that might help to ease his pain.
Im so sorry, Ryan. Really I am.
Thank you. He dredged up a smile. Its got easier with time but it still upsets me whenever I think about it.
Its bound to. She withdrew her hand, suddenly realising what she had done. A shiver passed through her, although for some reason she didnt feel as panicstricken as she might have expected. She cleared her throat, not wanting to explore that idea either. Do you know what actually happened to him?
Yes. It was long QT syndrome.
Thats a disorder of the hearts electrical system, isnt it? Eve clarified.
Thats right. The QT interval is a measurement on the ECG tracing that reflects the electrical activity in the ventricles. In LQTS the length of time it takes the electrical system to recharge itself after each heartbeat is longer than normal. This can create a very rapid, irregular heart rhythm, which results in no blood being pumped from the heart. If that happens the brain is deprived of oxygen, causing a sudden loss of consciousness or even death. He grimaced. Sorry. You must know all that. Im just so used to explaining it at various fundraising events that its second nature to trot out the whole spiel.
.
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Jennifer Taylor
Dr Right in front of her eyesPaediatricians Eve and Ryan have not been having a relationship all the way back to their student days! They were firm friends, nothing more, because Ryan never-short-of-a-date Sullivan didnt ever intend to get involved with anyone and Eve was waiting for Mr Right. Then a playful kiss revealed a chemistry so explosive it sent them running in different directions!Now Eves new boss at Dalverston General is Ryan! Neither has forgotten that kiss, but Eves had herfingers burned by one Mr Right and, no matter how gorgeous Ryan is, she still isnt going to get involved with himright?
Eves eyes widened, her pupils dilating, as she found herself taking fresh stock of the crisp dark brown hair clipped close to his well-shaped head, the dark slash of his eyebrows framing equally dark eyes, the firm strength of his jaw.
Her gaze swooped lower, running over the broad shoulders, a well-muscled chest, trim waist. He was wearing running shorts cut high at the sides and they made the most of his long legs, showing off well-developed thigh muscles and firm calves. He looked fit and healthy and so incredibly attractive, even to her jaundiced eyes, that she gulped.
She didnt need this! She had allowed physical attraction to dictate her actions once before and look how that had endedwith her life in tatters and her spirit shattered. All she wanted now was to pick up the threads and weave them together, attempt to get back what she had lost and by doing so find herself. No matter how attractive Ryan was she wasnt going to get involved with him. Ever.
She glanced deliberately at her watch and shrugged. Is that the time? Ill have to go.
Me too.
He treated her to one of his wonderfully warm smiles and Eve had to force herself not to respond. There was no point encouraging him, after all.
See you tomorrow, she called, hurrying away.
She rounded a bend in the path and slowed, aware that her heart was racing. The one thing she had never allowed for was that she would be attracted to another man, but there was no point denying it. She was attracted to Ryan and she had to keep well away from him
She groaned when it struck her how difficult it was going to be. Avoiding Ryan wasnt possible when they had to work together, but somehow she had to keep a rein on her feelings. The thing she mustnt do was make another mistake.
Dear Reader
I had wanted to write this story for some time, but I just couldnt seem to find the right characters who would be able to handle such an emotive tale. Then one day, when I was out walking my dog, Eve and Ryan suddenly appeared in my head and I knew they would be perfect.
They both have major issues to contend with and they have both suffered in the past, making them afraid of what the future holds in store for them. However, when they meet up again and start to fall in love, they realise that they can help one another if they are willing to take a chance.
I really loved writing this book. Eve and Ryan are two brave people who deserve to find happiness. If you would like to know more about the background to this book then do visit my blog: Jennifertaylorauthor.wordpress.com. I would love to hear your comments.
Love
Jennifer
JENNIFER TAYLOR lives in the north-west of England, in a small village surrounded by some really beautiful countryside. She has written for several different Mills & Boon
series in the past, but it wasnt until she read her first Medical Romance that she truly found her niche. She was so captivated by these heartwarming stories that she set out to write them herself! When shes not writing, or doing research for her latest book, Jennifers hobbies include reading, gardening, travel, and chatting to friends both on and off-line. She is always delighted to hear from readers, so do visit her website at www.jennifer-taylor.com
Mr Right All Along
Jennifer Taylor
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
To my nephews, Neil and Simon Burgess, who undertook the Three Peaks Challenge and not only raised a lot of money for charity but also saved their poor aunt from having to do it in the name of research!
Thanks, boys. You are both stars!
Table of Contents
Cover (#u52e12414-3af4-51a0-96f5-c81ce86ccd6e)
Excerpt (#u8721cd16-9f02-5fdf-b9c5-69efdcca9c58)
About the Author (#u0292d097-f7ee-5876-92a7-08669580d160)
Title Page (#uf72ed9a3-1870-5f22-9144-731042c5904b)
Dedication (#u9bc07dc8-236d-5888-a558-9060eaa53953)
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#uec279540-4d5f-57b4-8107-8638c777805d)
BAA, BAA, BLACK sheep have you any wool? Yes, sir, yes, sir, three bags full.
Ryan Sullivan winced as he passed the door to Dalverston Generals High Dependency Paediatric Unit. Whilst he would never have claimed to possess a wonderful singing voice, at least he could carry a tunewhich was more than could be said for whoever was murdering that nursery rhyme! He eased open the door, feeling surprise shoot through him when he saw Eve Pascoe sitting beside the bed. Apart from the fact that it was lunchtime and she should be taking her break, Eve was the last person he would have expected to be giving such a rousing performance.
Ryan frowned as that thought sank in. He had first met Eve during his rotationstheyd been students together in London and had trained at the same hospital. Eve had been bright, witty, funny, warm everything she wasnt any more. What had happened to her in the past few years? he wondered, not for the first time. Why had she changed so much? Although she was always polite whenever he spoke to her, she was so distant these days and not just towards him either.
Eve had been at Dalverston General for almost two months now yet she hadnt made any attempt to join in the usual extramural staff activities. Invitations to curry nights and cinema trips had been politely refused without any reason being given. She had earned herself a reputation for being a bit of a snob, in fact, although Ryan didnt believe that. Maybe Eve did come from a very wealthy background but he had known her before and there had been nothing snobby about Eve Pascoe then, he recalled, and wondered why the thought disturbed him so much. He might be intrigued to find out what had happened to her, but it was friendly curiosity, that was all. He certainly wasnt romantically interested in her.
Eve suddenly looked up and Ryan smoothed his face into a noncommittal expression. He didnt do romance, didnt do commitment, didnt do anything that might cause anyone any grief. Love and all its attendant problems werent on his agenda now or ever.
I heard you singing, he said, returning to what had brought him into the room. He grinned when she blushed. It was, well different, shall I say.
Daisys mother said it was her favourite nursery rhyme, Eve replied defensively, standing up.
She bent over the bed where five-year-old Daisy Martin was lying curled up into a tight little ball and Ryan got another shock when he saw her smile at the child. She looked so like the old Eve when she smiled like that, happy and warm and caring. It made the change in her all the more marked so that his interest was piqued even more. He realised that he wouldnt rest until he had found out what had happened to bring about such a massive change in her.
Ill come back to see you later, sweetheart. Close your eyes and have a little sleep now. Theres a good girl. She gently smoothed back the childs thick black curls then headed to the door, pausing when Ryan failed to move out of her way.
Sorry.
He stepped aside, automatically following her along the corridor although he had been heading to the canteen before hed got sidetracked. Still, lunch could wait. He was more interested in finding out what had happened to Eve in the past few years, although he wasnt vain enough to think she would simply come out and tell him. Eve preferred to keep her own counsel these days and she would be as unlikely to open her heart to him as to anyone else.
The thought stung just a little and far more than it should have done. Although theyd been friendsgood friends tootheyd not had a relationship; Ryan had made sure of that. Oh, thered been that one occasion after he had kissed her under the mistletoe when he had almost caved in but he had realised in time what a mistake it would be.
Although Eve was extremely pretty with that long red-gold hair and those wonderful grey-green eyes, she was very different from the women he normally dated. He preferred women who were more worldly wise, women, like him, who werent looking for commitment, and Eve hadnt fitted that bill. Even though she had ticked so many other boxes, he had never tried to turn their friendship into something more, especially after that kiss. He had realised that night how easy it would be to get involved with her and it had been the last thing hed wanted.
It had been a relief, in fact, when shed started seeing one of the registrars a short time later because it had stopped him fantasising about what might have been. Eve wasnt for him but even though hed known that, it had been harder than hed expected to get her out of his head after that kiss. However, once Damien Blackwell had appeared on the scene, everything had changed. Eves time had been taken up by Damien and shed stopped spending so much time with him and their friends.
Ryan had told himself he was glad that she was happy, and he had been too even though he had missed her. Their friendship had meant a lot to him so hed been stunned when he had heard that she had dropped out of the training programme. Eve hadnt told him what she was planning; one day shed been there and the next shed gone and that was the last hed seen of her. Although he had often wondered why she had given up, he hadnt tried to find her. Hed been wary of doing that, of getting involved. He had nothing to offer Eve so he had told himself that it was her decision and that was the end of the matter.
Now, however, Ryan couldnt help wondering if it was Damien who was responsible for the change in her, Damien who had taken away her sparkle, her warmth, her humour and turned her into the distant young woman she was today. He sensed it was true and a rare rush of anger swept through him. He couldnt bear to think that Eves life had been blighted by the other man. It made his own decision not to get involved all the more valid. He didnt intend to be responsible for ruining some poor womans life!
Eve brought up Daisy Martins file on the computer. The little girl had sickle cell anaemia, an inherited blood disease. Daisys red blood cells were abnormal resulting in a chronic and very severe form of anaemia. The youngest of three children born to Jamaican parents, Daisy was the only one to have inherited the condition. It had first presented itself when shed been a baby, causing fatigue, headaches, shortness of breath and jaundice. Although Daisy had been fairly well for some time, she had recently suffered a crisis and had been admitted to HDPU as she required careful nursing. She was such a lovely child too, Eve thought sadly as she started to write up her notes. It didnt seem fair that she should suffer this way.
She typed in the time and the date, doing her best to ignore Ryan. She always felt uneasy around him, always on her guard, always wary in case she slipped up. After all, Ryan had known her in the old days, pre-Damien, and she was very aware that he must have noticed how much she had changed.
She sighed, recalling her shock when shed discovered that Ryan was working at Dalverston General. She had applied for the post specifically because shed thought she would be unlikely to meet up with anyone she had known in the past. Her peers had moved on to bigger and better things and, like Ryan, were part way up the professional ladder now.
Dropping out had set her back and she had a lot of ground to make up. She didnt need the added stress of having to explain why she had given up her studies. She had explained it all to Roger Hopkins, the hospitals manager, when she had been for her interview, and that had been difficult enough.
Thankfully, it was only Ryan who knew what she had done and although people might wonder why she was still an F1 at her age, it was doubtful if they would ask, especially when she made a point of keeping them at arms length. If anyone questioned her, it would be Ryan so she had to be especially careful around him. Maybe they had been good friends but she didnt want to admit to him what a fool shed been and had no intention whatsoever of letting him know how ashamed she felt. She would feel even more humiliated if Ryan found out the truth.
Daisys definitely improving, isnt she?
Ryan sat down on the edge of the desk and Eve flinched. She couldnt help it. Although she had learned to deal with her fear of physical contact with regard to her patients, it still made her feel a little panicky whenever anyone got too close, especially a man.
Not every man was like Damien, she reminded herself. Ryan wasnt a bully or a control freak. or not so far as she knew. He had been warm and funny and full of good humour when shed known him before and he didnt appear to have changed, although she couldnt be sure, could she? Damien had seemed very different in the beginning, before she had got to know him better and discovered what he was capable of.
Panic rose inside her and she had to breathe in and out before she could reply. Even then her voice sounded strained and she hated it. She didnt want to be like this, didnt want to be a victim, but thats what she was. She had allowed Damien Blackwell to take over her life, to take control of her. It would be a long time before she found her true self again, if it ever happened.
She is. Shes a lot brighter today. Eve quickly typed in the few sentences that were all that were needed to update the file and saved it. Standing up, she came around the desk and had to pause yet again when she realised that she couldnt get past Ryan without touching him. Even though she was over the worst of her fears, the thought of feeling his skin brush against hers made her breath catch. She could cope with touching the children, could even manage to touch another adult if the occasion warranted it, but the thought of touching Ryan made her tremble for some reason.
Hey, are you all right? He leant forward, his dark brown eyes filled with concern. Youve gone really pale. Do you feel faint?
Eve struggled to get a grip. I I never had any breakfast, she murmured. Would she ever get over this fear completely, ever be able to enjoy a physical relationship again? She had tried everything, had had counselling, spoken to other victims of abuse, but the fear was so deeply rooted, the memories too clear: first the seemingly loving touch and then the violence
Come on. Ill treat you to lunch.
Ryan put his hand under her arm to lead her to the door and Eve freaked out. She pushed him away.
Dont touch me!
He stepped back at once, his face set. Im sorry. I didnt mean to upset you. Maybe you should go and get something to eat. You obviously need it.
He spun round on his heel and stalked out of the door, making it clear that he was deeply offended. Eve sank down onto a chair, her whole body trembling as reaction set in. What a fool she was! Why on earth had she reacted that way? Now it would be all round the unit that she was unbalanced, unstable
Only she doubted if Ryan would tell anyone what had happened. From what she remembered, he wasnt like that. He had been kind and supportive when she had known him before and she wanted to believe that he hadnt changed even if she had.
Eve took a deep breath, surprised by how important that idea was. Knowing that Ryan hadnt changed made her feel better for some reason.
Ryan found it impossible to put what had happened out of his mind. All through afternoon ward rounds he found himself thinking about the way Eve had reacted when he had touched her. It wasnt the usual response he received: most women were more than happy to have him touch them and a whole lot more. However, there had been genuine fear in Eves eyes and he could only put it down to one reason: had she been subjected to some sort of physical abuse?
The thought was more than he could stand and he knew that he had to find out the truth. If Eve had been in an abusive relationship, he wanted to help her. If he could. He sighed as he finished explaining to Rex Manning, their consultant, that he was hoping to discharge the patient they were examining the following day. Why on earth should Eve trust him, after all?
Good. This is what I like to see, my patients making rapid progress. Rex smiled charmingly at seven-year-old Alfie Hudsons anxious parents. Alfie had been admitted with appendicitis, which had been successfully dealt with, and Rex was keen to enjoy the kudos even though it was Ryan who had performed the surgery. An excellent result, wouldnt you say, Mr and Mrs Hudson?
Ryan grimaced as the young couple immediately showered Rex with praise. Although Rex was a bit of a diva, he was excellent at his job and Ryan was prepared to cut him a lot of slack because of it. He caught Eves eye and winked and, amazingly, she winked back. It was such a surprise after her earlier rejection that it felt as though he was floating on air as they proceeded to the next bed, and it was unnerving to realise that she could have this effect on him. Maybe he did want to help her, but he couldnt afford to get too involved in her affairs.
He had his own agenda, things he needed to do, things that were too important to put off. He was the lucky one after all. He was still here, enjoying his life, doing what he wanted. His twin brother, Scott, hadnt been so lucky. Scott hadnt had time to make his mark on the world so he, Ryan, had to do it for him. The fact was that he didnt have time to worry about Eve when he had so much else to focus on.
Ryan knew it was true. It was what he had decided after Scott had died so tragically when they were seventeen. He had sworn then that Scott wouldnt be forgotten and he had worked towards that aim for all these years. It was thanks to his efforts that the money for over thirty portable defibrillators had been raised. They had been placed in shopping centres, swimming pools, sports arenas and the next step was to get them into schools.
No one should die as Scott had done because of a lack of equipment. No parents should have to go through the horror of losing a child as his parents had done. Ryan had set himself this task and he would carry it through to the bitter end, until he was too old to run another sponsored race or climb one more mountain. He didnt have time for a relationship even if it were possible.
He glanced at Eve and felt his heart contract in alarm. He knew what he had to do, so why did it suddenly seem more important that he help Eve, turn her back into the warm and caring woman she had been?
CHAPTER TWO (#uec279540-4d5f-57b4-8107-8638c777805d)
IT WAS GONE seven before Eve left the hospital. Daisy Martins parents had asked to speak to her and she had spent some time reassuring them. One of the worst things about sickle cell anaemia was that nobody could predict when a crisis would occur. It made it even more stressful for Daisys parents.
Evening visiting was under way as she walked through the main doors. She was renting a flat close to the river and she decided to walk home rather than wait for the bus, which would be packed. It was a warm evening, the sun just sliding below the surrounding hills.
Originally, Dalverston had been a sleepy little market town straddling the borders of Lancashire and Cumbria. Although it had expanded in the past thirty years, it had retained its charm and attracted many visitors. With Easter just a week away, there were a lot of tourists in the area and Eve had to wait until the lights changed before she could cross the road. She had always lived in the city before and had wondered if she would adapt to a more rural way of life but it had turned out better than she had expected. She felt safe here, safe and secure, and that was something she valued more than anything.
She reached the footpath leading down to the river and decided to take a short cut. It was quicker this way and she wanted to get home as soon as possible. It had been a difficult day and it would be a relief to go in and shut the door on the world, although she wasnt foolish enough to think she could forget what had happened. She had overreacted when Ryan had touched her and she knew that he must be wondering why she had behaved so oddly. Would he ask her or would he let it pass? It all depended how interested he was in her, she decided.
The thought sent a shiver down her spine and she quickened her pace. She couldnt bear the thought of Ryan finding out what had happened. She felt ashamed enough without people knowing how stupid she had been. She had allowed Damien Blackwell to rule her life because shed thought he had loved her, but it hadnt been love; it had been something far more destructive. It had taken her a while to realise it and when she had, shed also realised that she could never trust her own judgement again. She had been taken in once and it could happen a second time.
That bleak thought kept her company as she made her way along the path. It was so peaceful away from the traffic that she felt herself start to relax for the first time since her encounter with Ryan. She had overreacted and she really should apologise, but what could she say? That the thought of any man laying his hands on her filled her with horror? That would only give rise to more questions and that was the last thing she wanted. Something told her that she would find it harder to withhold the truth from Ryan than from anyone else.
Ryan felt too restless to spend the evening watching television. What had happened with Eve had continued to trouble him and he found that he couldnt put it out of his mind. He was more convinced than ever that something awful had happened to her and the thought plagued him. Eve had been so sweet and funny and it wasnt right that she should have suffered in any way. He wanted to offer her his support, although he guessed that she would reject it. Eve didnt want anything from him, as she had made clear.
In an effort to take his mind off the subject, he decided to go for a run. He was undertaking the Three Peaks Challenge to raise more funds in a few weeks time and he needed to step up his training. As soon as he got home, he changed into his running clothes and set off, taking the path that led along the riverbank. It was a mild evening, perfect for running, and he soon found himself unwinding. Maybe there was something he could do to help Eve, he mused. If he could just persuade her to trust him, it would be a start.
He rounded a bend and came to an abrupt halt when he almost cannoned right into Eve. Sorry! he exclaimed, reaching out to steady her when she staggered. His hands gripped her forearms and he felt to the very second when surprise turned to something else. He quickly released her, trying to clamp down on the anger that rose inside him. Nobody should feel this scared, and especially not Eve!
I I didnt know you enjoyed running. Her voice was tight, hinting at the effort it cost her to speak at all, and he was overwhelmed with tenderness. Maybe she was scared but she was doing her best not to show it.
Im not sure if I actually enjoy it but its a necessary evil, he replied lightly, grinning at her. Im supposed to be doing the Three Peaks Challenge soon and I need to get down to some serious training. Id hate to think that Ill be the one who has to drop out on the first leg!
She smiled back. I doubt that will happen. You look pretty fit to me.
It was the sort of throwaway comment that anyone might have made; however, the fact that it was Eve who had made it did all sorts of things to his libido. Ryan cleared his throat, terrified that he would do the unforgivable and let her see the effect it was having on him. Eve hadnt meant anything by it, he told himself sternly. And she certainly hadnt meant to imply that she found him attractive!
I wish I shared your confidence. He managed to hold his smile but it was tough. Since he and Eve had met up again he had followed her lead and kept his distance. It was obviously what she wanted yet he couldnt help wondering if he should have been more proactive. If hed taken a different approach then maybe she would have found it easier to confide in him? The thought spurred him on even though the voice of reason was telling him to back off. He didnt have time to worry about Eve when he had so much else on his agenda, reason insisted, but the advice fell on deaf ears.
Ive become a real couch potato during the winter. I dont think Ive been out running more than a handful of times since Christmas, in fact. No way will I manage to climb the three highest mountains in Britain unless I put in some serious work.
I see. Are you doing it as personal challenge or for charity? she queried, pushing back a strand of red-gold hair as the wind whipped it across her face.
Charity, Ryan replied thickly. He cleared his throat, doing his utmost to behave sensibly. He liked women and they liked him. He seemed to have a genuine rapport with the opposite sex, in fact, so that he had never really thought about all the nuances of a relationship. If he asked a woman out and she acceptedwhich she usually didhe simply got on with enjoying her company. If the relationship moved on to something more intimate, that was great. If it didnt then he had made himself another friend.
What he had never done was stand around dissecting his feelings, totting up how much of what he felt was based on sexual attraction. He always saw a woman as a whole person and yet here he was, awash with lust, because he couldnt get past the thought of touching that silky strand of hair!
Im raising money to put a couple of portable defibrillators into the local high school, he explained hastily. Thinking about Scott, and what he needed to do, always focused his mind, although it didnt seem to be quite as effective as usual. He hurried on. Once theyre sorted, Ill make a start on the primary schools.
I see. Eve frowned, an almost imperceptible puckering of her brow, and his libido took a giant leap and set off running again. Its a great idea, obviously, but what made you get involved in a project like that?
My brother. Ryan swallowed but there didnt seem to be even the tiniest drop of moisture in his mouth. He longed to continue, to bombard Eveand himselfwith facts so he could forget how much he would like to smooth away those tiny frown lines, but it wasnt possible.
Hes involved too, is he?
In a way, yes.
Funny, I never knew that you had a brother.
Her frown deepened, as well it might, Ryan realised bleakly. Although they had been good friends and swapped a lot of confidences, he had never told her about Scott. They had chatted about work, about their ambitions, about music they liked and films they had seen, but never about the one thing that had had the biggest influence on his life. Now he realised with a start that he hadnt told her because hed wanted their conversations to be a sort of haven. When he was with Eve, he could forget everything else. He wasnt Scotts brother or his parents sole remaining child: he was simply himself.
Eve had no idea what was going on inside Ryans head and she didnt want to know either. Something warned her that it would be far too stressful. She summoned a smile, the sort of brightly meaningless smile she had spent ages practising in front of her bedroom mirror. After she had left Damien, she hadnt smiled for months. Thered been nothing to smile about, but gradually she had realised that she had to play her part for other peoples benefit. They would only ask questions if she went around with a long face.
Thats good. It must be nice to share a common interest.
It would be if Scott was around.
Ryans voice was so empty of emotion that it rang hollowly. Eves eyes flew to his face and her heart contracted when she saw the expression it held. Even though she really didnt want to ask the question, she had no choice. She couldnt ignore the pain in his eyes, couldnt pretend she didnt see it even though it was what she longed to do.
What do you mean? Why isnt he around?
My brother died when we were seventeen. We were twinsfraternal, not identical. Not that it makes any difference, of course.
I had no idea She stopped and he shrugged.
Why should you? I never told you about him so theres no way you could have known.
Why? The word slid out before she could stop it and she bit her lip. She was falling into the trap shed wanted to avoid, asking questions, listening to answers, moving that bit closer to another human being. She needed to remain detached, indifferent, uninvolved but it wasnt possible. Not with Ryan anyhow.
Why didnt I tell you? He grimaced. Oh, all sorts of reasons. Because I wanted to enjoy our conversations without having to think about what had happened. Because I didnt want to be Scotts brother, i.e. the twin who hadnt died. Because, selfishly, I just wanted to be myself with all that did and didnt entail.
His honesty affected her far more than it should have done. Eve felt a wave of sympathy wash over her. Reaching out, she went to touch his hand then stopped. Even though she longed to comfort him, she needed to maintain her distance.
It wasnt selfish. It must have been well, very hard for you.
Not as hard as it was for Scott. His tone was wry but it didnt conceal the pain he felt and her heart ached all the more.
I cant begin to imagine what it must be like to lose someone you love, but it wasnt your fault, Ryan. You werent to blame in any way.
I know that.
He shrugged, his shoulders rising and falling beneath the close-fitting black T-shirt he was wearing, and Eves heart performed another odd manoeuvre, one it hadnt performed for many years. All of a sudden she was aware of him in a way that she hadnt been since that night when he had kissed her under the mistletoe at the hospital Christmas party. It had started out as a joke. Egged on by their friends, Ryan had rolled his eyes and given in and kissed her. However, the moment his mouth had found hers, everything had changed.
Eve could still recall her shock as wave after wave of sensation had poured through her. Although shed been kissed before, she had never felt anything like it. Ryans lips had awoken feelings inside her that shed never experienced before, made her feel hot and hungry, made her want more than just a kiss. When he had let her go, shed felt dazed and disorientated, filled with wonder that a mere kiss could arouse such a response inside her. Shed half expected him to do it again, to kiss her in private this time without their friends cheering them on, but he hadnt.
If anything, he had become decidedly distant in the days followingtaking his breaks separately from her, turning down invitations for them to have lunch together with the flimsiest of excuses. Eve had felt incredibly hurt at first until shed realised that he was simply acting true to form. Ryan didnt do relationships, didnt do commitment, didnt do anything that might encourage a woman to think he wanted her in his life long term. Maybe he was happy to have her as a friend but that was all.
Now, however, Eves eyes widened, her pupils dilating as she found herself taking fresh stock of the crisp dark brown hair clipped close to his well-shaped head, the dark slash of his eyebrows framing equally dark eyes, the firm strength of his jaw. Her gaze swooped lower, running over the broad shoulders, a well-muscled chest, trim waist. He was wearing running shorts cut high at the sides and they made the most of his long legs, showing off well-developed thigh muscles and firm calves. He looked fit and healthy and so incredibly attractive, even to her jaundiced eyes, that she gulped.
She didnt need this! She had allowed physical attraction to dictate her actions once before and look how it had ended, with her life in tatters and her spirit shattered. All she wanted now was to pick up the threads and weave them together, attempt to get back what she had lost and by doing so find herself. No matter how attractive Ryan was, she wasnt going to get involved with him. Ever.
Good. Im glad to hear it, she said in a cool little voice that was totally at odds with how she felt. She glanced deliberately at her watch and shrugged. Is that the time? Ill have to go.
Me too. He treated her to one of his wonderfully warm smiles and Eve had to force herself not to respond. There was no point encouraging him, after all.
See you tomorrow, she called, hurrying away. She rounded a bend in the path and slowed, aware that her heart was racing. The one thing she had never allowed for was that she would be attracted to another man but there was no point denying it. She was attracted to Ryan and she had to keep well away from him
She groaned when it struck her how difficult it was going to be. Avoiding Ryan wasnt possible when they had to work together but somehow she had to keep a rein on her feelings. The thing she mustnt do was make another mistake.
Ryan did his best not to think about his encounter with Eve on the riverbank but failed. Miserably. As the week wended its way towards the weekend, he found himself returning to those minutes they had spent together far too often. Maybe Eve hadnt said anything but hed have needed to be deaf, dumb and blind not to have noticed her reaction. She had looked at him and hed known that it had been a lightbulb moment for her the same as it had been for him. Because if Eve had suddenly realised he was a man, he had definitely realised that she was a woman. A very attractive woman too.
Saturday rolled around and he thanked merciful heaven that he didnt have to go into work. He had the weekend off, forty-eight hours completely Eve-free. If he didnt manage to sort himself out then it wouldnt be for want of trying, he decided as he slotted bread into the toaster for his breakfast.
Once hed eaten, he intended to go for a run and after that hed do a few dozen laps of the local swimming pool. After that, maybe a little weight training would jolt his mind back into the sensible lane. If that didnt work either he would think of something else, although it was doubtful if hed be fit to undertake any more exercise. He hadnt been lying when hed told Eve that he had let his training lapse of late
Eve.
Eve.
Red-gold hair.
Grey-green eyes.
Luscious curves.
Ryan cursed roundly as he exited the kitchen. Forget breakfast; he was going running now. And somewhere along the way he was going to outrun these thoughts that plagued him.
He followed the same route he had taken that night too, working on the principle that lightning didnt strike twice. It didnt either because he had rounded the bend when he spotted Eve coming towards him. He slowed down, hurriedly debating his options. Should he turn around and head back the way hed come or would that be too revealing? If hed spotted Eve, she was bound to have seen him and he didnt want her to think that he had a problem with her even if he did.
One stride, two, and that was it; the decision was out of his hands. Ryan came to a halt, breathing far more heavily than the effort hed expended warranted. It was just that seeing Eve made him feel breathless and giddy and all sorts of things he didnt normally feel. He groaned under his breath. Hell and damnation. He had a really big problem, Houston!
Eve came to a halt, her heart beating in rapid little jerks. She could lie to herself but what was the point? She had chosen to walk by the river because she had thought hoped that she might see Ryan here. That was the truth, although it wasnt all of it. She wasnt ready to work out why shed wanted to see him when she had decided to keep well away from him. She would start with the easy bit and work up to the difficult bits later Possibly.
We meet again. She gave a little laugh, wincing when she realised that it sounded like a rusty nail being scraped down a blackboard. Ryan was jogging on the spot, obviously keen to keep up the momentum, and she felt a spurt of irritation strike her. He could at least pretend to be pleased to see her, couldnt he?
Looks like it. He grinned at her, his handsome face breaking into the same wonderfully warm smile hed treated her to the other night, and Eve was instantly mollified and smiled back.
Youre obviously a glutton for punishment.
Or desperate. He laughed, a soft rumble emerging from his powerful chest. Can you imagine how mortifying it will be if I have to drop out after Ive persuaded everyone else to take part in this challenge?
He rolled his eyes and Eve laughed more naturally this time. It wouldnt look very good.
Too right it wouldnt. He chuckled. Marie, for one, would never let me live it down, he said, referring Marie Thomas, the paediatric units redoubtable ward sister.
Eves brows rose. Is Marie taking part?
Yep. Shes raised almost three hundred pounds in sponsorship pledges too.
Thats fabulous! she exclaimed, genuinely impressed.
It is. Were on course to raise almost ten thousand pounds all told, which is a lot of money.
It certainly is. Youll have to put me down as a sponsor. Will fifty pounds be enough? Ive no idea what the going rate is.
That would be brilliant. Thank you.
He touched her hand in a spontaneous gesture of thanks and Eve did her best not to react, but it was like trying to turn back the tide. A rush of panic engulfed her and she gasped. Ryan bent and looked into her face, looked deep into her eyes, into her soul even, and she could see the anger burning inside him.
I dont know whos responsible for the way youve changed, Eve, but whoever it was, he did a real number on you. I dont know if theres anything I can do but if there is, you only have to ask. He stepped back and his face was set. I want to help you, Eve. If youll let me.
CHAPTER THREE (#uec279540-4d5f-57b4-8107-8638c777805d)
WHAT WAS SHE doing here?
Eves head spun as she stared around the kitchen. There was so much colour in the room that her eyes were dazzled. Deep yellow walls, bright blue cupboards, multicoloured china stacked on the shelves. The kettle was red, the toaster purple, the washing-up bowl an eye-watering green. It was like finding herself slap-bang in the middle of a rainbow and she felt disorientated, confused. Her life was all shades of grey, from washed-out silver to deep, dark charcoal. Colour was something she couldnt handle. Colour hinted at extremes, at passion, at desire, at all the things she didnt want to experience.
Colour scared her too because it reflected her feelings for Ryan. She couldnt see him in terms of black and white or even charcoal and silver. He was imprinted in her head in glorious Technicolor exactly like this room.
Sorry about that. It was my mother. She seems to have a knack of phoning when its least convenient.
Ryan came back into the room and Eve forced herself to concentrate. Hed put on a track suit over his running clothes, plain black, unadorned and mercifully lacking in colour. She watched as he headed to the gleaming red kettle and flicked the switch. She could hear the water hissing as it came to the boil, hear it getting louder and louder, and her senses were assaulted once more, only by noise this time. If she didnt do colour then she didnt do noise either!
She shot to her feet, almost overturning the chair in her haste to escape. Ryan glanced round, his expression as bland as a babys. She knew he could tell how panicstricken she felt but he didnt ask her what was wrong or offer suggestions to calm her down. He simply accepted her turmoil and for some reason she felt better because of it.
At least have a cup of coffee before you go. Itll only take a couple of seconds to make it.
He took a pair of mugs off a shelf and spooned instant coffee granules into them then topped them up with boiling water. The milk was in the fridgethe jug was orangethe sugar in a bowl that had multicoloured spots on it. He dumped everything on the table and sat down, leaving her to decide what she intended to do.
She could go or she could stay and it was all the same to him, he was trying to imply, only she knew it wasnt how he really felt. Not inside. Ryan wanted her to stay. And he wanted her to stay because he cared. That was why he had insisted she should come home with him, but did she want him to care? That was the big question, the one she couldnt answer now and maybe not ever.
Fancy a biscuit? Or how about some toast?
He half rose but Eve shook her head and he subsided back onto his chair. Picking up his mug, he drank a little coffee, blowing on the glassy black surface first to cool it. Eve averted her eyes, not wanting to watch how his lips puckered as he sucked in air then blew it out in a soft little sigh that seemed ridiculously loud to her hypersensitive ears. She didnt want her senses to stir from their slumbers again, didnt want to feel attraction or anything else. She just wanted to be, with all that did and didnt entail.
Silence fell as she sat down and unconsciously she started counting the minutes. How long would it last, this silence? One minute? Ten? Shed come to dread the silences when shed been with Damien. When he wasnt talking, he was thinking and she had learned to fear his thoughts as much as his actions. Damien could turn peace and quiet into terror in the blink of an eye so she had chattered on, inane comments aimed at soothing him, even though they had rarely worked.
Tears started to her eyes as the memories came flooding back and she stared into her coffee, wishing she could sink into its dark heart and disappear. She couldnt do this. She wasnt brave enough to gather up the threads and learn how to be herself again.
Tell me, Eve. I cant promise it will help but it might and that has to be better than this.
Ryans voice was so calm, so patient, so free of threat that Eve felt a little of the fear trickle out of her. She shrugged, her hands cradling the mug because it was something to hold onto.
Whats to tell? I think youve guessed already, havent you?
Guessing is one thing. Hearing about what youve been through is something else.
He half reached towards her then stopped and pain rippled under her skin. He wouldnt touch her again. He knew how she felt about being touched because she had made it clear. Maybe she should be relieved yet it was more proof of how much she had changed. Ryan had often put his arm around her in the past, often hugged her in a friendly fashion, and all of a sudden she missed being on the receiving end of his warmth and kindness, missed being normal. If she could learn to give and receive the odd hug, it would mean she was on her way to finding the person she had been.
I was in an abusive relationship. It took me almost two years to pluck up the courage to leave and Im still getting over what happened.
You did well to get out when you did. A lot of women never find the strength to cut the ties.
His tone was level. There was no hint of censure for her or for her abuser but Eve wasnt fooled. Ryan hated the thought of her being treated so badly and a little more fear trickled away and a tiny bit of warmth took its place.
I didnt think Id have the strength either, which is funny, really, because I always thought that I would never put up with being abused. We used to see women like that when we were doing our rotations, didnt we? She carried on when he nodded, suddenly eager to explain why she had allowed it to happen to her. I could never understand why they let their husbands or boyfriends treat them the way they did, but its different when it happens to you.
I remember one woman telling me that she hated what was happening and hated herself even more for allowing it to happen, but she didnt know how to stop it.
His voice was still calm, uncritical, relaxed. They could have been discussing the price of fish for all the emotion he betrayed but Eve knew it was an act. Ryan cared. He really cared. She clung to that thought. She loved her partner and couldnt imagine a life without him, I expect.
Its all part of it, isnt it? He shrugged. The abuser makes his victim so dependent on him that she finds it impossible to imagine not being with him.
Or her. There are men who are victims of abuse too.
True, although not as many men suffer abuse as women do.
No. Eve swallowed, feeling sick. It always happened whenever she had to admit that she was a victim of abuse. Oh, she might know that she was, but knowing it and admitting it were two very different things.
How did it start? Ryan prompted, and she forced the nausea down. Now that she had got this far, she wanted to carry on to the end, surprisingly enough.
Exactly as you read about it in all the textbooks. She gave a little laugh and he laughed too and it made her feel better, as though they were in this together. It was such a crazy idea that she immediately dismissed it. Ryan wasnt part of this and he never would be. She was the one who had to learn to cope, to live, to forgive herself.
Damien was so charming, so funny, so sexy, and I was completely smitten. I never realised how controlling he was until it was too late. She shrugged. I found it touching that he wanted to see me every night, that he hated me going out with friends, that he loathed us being apart. I thought it showed his vulnerable side and thats something a lot of women find attractive. I certainly did.
So when did you realise that it wasnt vulnerability that was making him behave that way?
Ryans voice sounded deeper and she shivered. Was her story getting to him? Was he really thinking how stupid shed been to be taken in? She tried not to let the idea take hold but it was hard when it was what she herself believed.
It was a gradual process. Damien started to object whenever I said I was going out so, to keep the peace, I stopped making arrangements to see my friends. Then, because I always refused to go out with them, they stopped asking me.
So he got what he wanted? He isolated you. Classic behaviour, as you said.
Exactly. She managed a little smile. I should write a paper on this, shouldnt I? Only I doubt it would make any difference. Far too many women are as gullible as me.
Its not gullible to believe that someone loves you. Its what everyone wants, to love and be loved.
Is that what you want? she asked before she could think better of it.
Probably.
But you never went out with anyone for more than a couple of months, did you? You had quite a reputation for playing the field.
Did I? He shrugged but she knew that he had taken her comment to heart and wished she hadnt said anything. She had enough to do with sorting out her own life without trying to find out what made Ryan tick.
The thought that there was something behind his behaviour was intriguing. She had to make a determined effort to dismiss it. Anyway, once Damien had control of my social life, he set about controlling my working life too.
Eve stopped and took a deep breath as the full impact of that statement assailed her. Losing her friends had been bad enough, but losing her career had been so much worse. She had thrown everything away, given in to the threats and the coercion because shed been afraid of upsetting Damien. All those years of study, of hard work and determination had been reduced to nothing because she had been a coward.
In what way did he take over your working life?
Ryans voice grated and Eve steered her thoughts away from herself. Although she wanted him to know the truth, she didnt want it to have a detrimental effect on him too. It was enough that her life had been blighted by her stupidity.
Oh, it was pure textbook stuff once again, she said with an insouciance she didnt feel. You know, the odd comment that made me doubt my judgement or a look that implied I was mistaken. Damien often conducted ward rounds, if you remember. The consultant was rarely there so there were dozens of opportunities when he could belittle me. And he made the most of them, believe me.
I never realised. Ryan frowned. I can remember him being rather sharp with you a few times but I thought he was trying to make it appear that he didnt favour you. Everyone knew you two were an item and I assumed he didnt want anyone complaining that you had an unfair advantage.
No chance of that. She smiled bitterly. I was never going to get a boost up the career ladder if Damien had anything to do with it.
It must have been a nightmare for you, Eve. Did you never think of telling anyone?
No. By the time I realised what was happening, it was too late. I was too ashamed of letting myself be sucked in and too afraid of Damien to speak out.
Ryan stared at his coffee. He was gripping the mug so hard that the bones in his hands gleamed white through his skin. He forced himself to relax his grip, afraid that he would crush the china, not that it mattered. What did a broken cup matter? Eve had been put through the wringer and spat out the other side and hed been so intent on making sure that he didnt get involved that hed allowed it to happen. Even though hed had no idea what had been going on, he would never get over the guilt he felt for letting her down.
Im sorry, Eve. I know its too late, but Im really and truly sorry I wasnt there for you. He looked up, met her eyes, and felt worse than ever. She had needed him and he had failed her; what sort of a person did that make him?
You werent to know, Ryan. I made sure you didnt know, in fact. She gave a hoarse little laugh. I became extremely adept at concealing the evidence.
You mean the bruises? Ryan heard the disgust in his voice, not at what she had done by hiding the evidence but at what had been done to her, although he realised too late that it was what she thought.
Yes, although Damien was careful not to hit me where it showed most of the time.
Ryan couldnt bear it. He simply couldnt bear to hear her sounding so apologetic. She was the victim. And she was the one who should be reaping all the apologies.
Obviously a man of many talents, he said roughly, pushing back his chair. He went over to the kettle, although he doubted if he could drink any more coffee without it choking him. Still, he had to do something, had to take the edge off the moment and make it more bearable for her.
She had been so brave to tell him what she had. He had dealt with other victims of abuse and he knew how hard they found it to speak about their experiences. There was all the shame as well as the misplaced guilt, the thought that somehow they had brought it upon themselves. He couldnt bear to think that Eve believed she was responsible for what had happened to her, although he wouldnt be surprised if she did.
He swung round. What happened wasnt your fault, Eve. You do understand that?
Yes and no. She shrugged, avoiding his eyes as she stared at point above his left shoulder. Intellectually I understand it but emotionally well, its a different story.
Ryan swore under his breath as he sat down. He leant across the table, his frustration rising because he didnt dare touch her. Would they ever reach a point where he could? he wondered. A point where she wouldnt shrink away and would welcome his touch? He had no idea yet all of a sudden it seemed incredibly important that it should happen. He needed to touch Eve, for his sake as well as for hers. She may have been absent from his life for several years but he wanted her to be part of it from now on.
The thought barely had a chance to filter through the receptors in his brain when there was a loud hammering on the cottage door. Ryan stood up, frowning as he glanced along the hall.
I wonder who that is, he said, his voice sounding rough thanks to all the emotions hed had to contend with in the past half hour. He had slipped into a comfortable routine over the years. Although he dated frequently, he never gave one hundred per cent of himself to a relationship. There was always a couple of per cent held in reserve, a bit of himself going spare.
It was safer that way. If he held something back, he could remain focused on his objectives, i.e. keeping Scotts name alive and raising money to prevent other families going through what his family had gone through. However, he knew that if he involved himself in Eves affairs, he wouldnt be able to do that. He would have to give her one hundred per cent of himself and he wasnt sure if it would be wise. Something warned him that every little bit he gave to Eve would make him want to give even more and where would that leave him? In over his head, in so deep that hed never surface?
He had avoided love and avoided it for one very important reason: he didnt want to be responsible for ruining some womans life. What if he fell in love, got married, had a child and, like Scott, it died? Although he wasnt affected by the genetic abnormality that had caused his brothers death, he could pass it on to his own children. That was why he was never going to have children and why he was never going to marry either. It wouldnt be fair to enter into marriage on that basis. Maybe the woman would accept it at first, but what if she changed her mind? What if she decided that she wanted a family and he refused? How could any marriage survive that kind of pressure?
As he made his way to the door, Ryan realised that no matter how he felt about Eve, it wasnt enough. Was that why he had stuck to friendship in the past? Why he had deliberately distanced himself after that kiss? Had he known, subconsciously, that Eve was the woman who could make him reconsider his decision to remain single?
With a sudden rush of insight, he knew it was true and it made him even more determined not to get involved with her on anything more than a friendly basis. Eve had been through enough, without him ruining her life as well.
Ryans heart was heavy as he opened the door. He frowned when he found his neighbour, Maureen Roberts, on the step. She was soaking wet, dripping water and river slime all over the doormat.
We need your help, Ryan, she said before he could speak. A boys fallen into the river and hes not breathing. My Frank pulled him out but hes not sure what to do.
Right. Have you phoned for an ambulance? Ryan asked immediately.
No. Franks phone wont work. It was in his trouser pocket when he jumped into the water.
No problem. Ryan glanced round when he heard footsteps and felt his heart lift when he saw Eve before he ruthlessly brought it back down to earth. No ringing bells, no shooting starsjust friendship.
Can you phone for an ambulance? A boys fallen into the river and he isnt breathing. Im going to see what I can do to help.
He turned and jogged down the path, not waiting to see if Eve did as hed asked. He knew she would, knew too that she would follow and help him. They were certainties like the sun rising each morning and setting each night and he could cope with them. What he couldnt handle were all the unanswered questions buzzing around inside his head. Could he stick to being Eves friend? Or would he end up wanting more than friendship? And if he did, could he resist? Or would he give in?
He ran down the path to the river, ran as though his life depended on him getting there, but no matter how fast he went, he couldnt outrun the questions.
Did he?
Would he?
Should he?
Could he?
He wished he knew!
CHAPTER FOUR (#uec279540-4d5f-57b4-8107-8638c777805d)
THEY CARRIED ON trying to resuscitate the boy long after it became clear that it was hopeless. Eve took over again, pumping the childs thin chest while Ryan breathed into his mouth. She wanted to tell him to stop, wanted to assure him that theyd done everything possible, but she couldnt seem to find the words. How could she tell him that life was extinct when it was obviously so important to him that they save the boy?
The ambulance arrived at last and it was a relief to let the paramedics take over. Ryan supervised as the crew followed procedure and gave the boy a shot of adrenaline then tried to defibrillate him. They tried twice more but the result was the same: a flat, unwavering line on the screen. The boy was gone and now all that could be done for him was to inform his parents.
Ryans face was set as they watched the ambulance quietly drive away. There was no need for flashing lights or sirens now, Eve thought sadly. She forced herself to smile when Maureen came over to them, seeking reassurance.
We did everything possible, Maureen. Theres no knowing how long hed been in the water before your husband saw him, so the odds were against us from the outset.
I know that, love. Its just so hard when its a child, isnt it? Maureens face crumpled and tears rolled down her cheeks. Those poor parents. I cant imagine how awful its going to be for them when they find out.
I know, Eve agreed sadly. Is he a local child, do you know?
No. Apparently, the familys here on holiday. Theyve rented a caravan over at Fulbrook Farm, Maureen explained, sniffing noisily. Her husband appeared just then, grey-faced with shock, and led her away.
Eve sighed as she turned to Ryan, who had been standing silently to one side. Thats it, then. Theres nothing more we can do.
She thought he hadnt heard her at first but then he nodded. Swinging round on his heel, he led the way up the path, pausing briefly to give the police officer who had attended the scene his name and address. Eve gave hers as well, nodding when she was informed that she would be required to make a statement later. It was procedure and she would do what had to be done even though it gave her no pleasure. A young life had been lost and it was a tragedy.
Was that why it had had such an impact on Ryan? Had it reminded him of losing his brother? He had never told her how his twin had died but it could explain why he seemed so deeply affected by what had happened. Eve bit her lip as she followed him into the house. Whilst she didnt want to become too involved in his affairs, she couldnt walk away when he needed her. It wouldnt be fair, especially after the way he had listened to her, listened and not judged her as hed had every right to do. He had been a good friend in the past and he had been a good friend today too. Talking to him had made her feel so much better.
The thought surprised her, although she didnt dwell on it. Walking over to the kettle, she switched it on and then turned to him. I could do with a drink. How about you?
He shrugged. Fine.
He sat down, his face shuttered, his eyes blank, and Eve knew she was right. This had as much to do with losing his brother as it had with them failing to save the boys life. Pulling out a chair, she sat down, feeling a little flutter of alarm in the centre of her chest. If she asked him to tell her about his brother, it would be even harder to keep her distance, but how could she not ask? Not try to help? It would be a mark of cowardice and she refused to be a coward ever again.
I hope Im not speaking out of turn but I can see that this has affected you. Has it brought back memories of your brother?
How did you guess? He sighed as he tipped back his chair and stared at the ceiling. Eve had a feeling that he didnt want her to see just how much it had affected him and felt hurt before she realised how silly it was. Her feelings didnt matter; it was how Ryan felt that was important.
What happened to him? she asked, trying to inject a degree of objectivity into her voice that she didnt feel. She cared that Ryan was hurting and it worried her. She was too emotionally scarred to find the right balance and it would be far too easy to get swept along in a direction she shouldnt take.
He suffered a cardiac arrest. There was no warning. He just dropped down onto the ground and died.
How awful! she exclaimed. It must have been a terrible shock for you and your parents.
It was. His tone was flat. Eve guessed that it was the only way he could talk about what had happened, by keeping his emotions under control. Scott was always superbly fit. He was a brilliant footballerhe played centre forward for our schooland he took his training really seriously. He wanted to turn professional and he would have made it too. He was actually playing a match when he died. There was a scout there for one of the big league clubs and Scott was just superb, and then all of a sudden he fell to the ground.
He stopped, his expression so bleak that Eves heart ached for him. Reaching out, she touched his hand, unaware of what she was doing. She just wanted to comfort him, to console him, to offer anything she could that might help to ease his pain.
Im so sorry, Ryan. Really I am.
Thank you. He dredged up a smile. Its got easier with time but it still upsets me whenever I think about it.
Its bound to. She withdrew her hand, suddenly realising what she had done. A shiver passed through her, although for some reason she didnt feel as panicstricken as she might have expected. She cleared her throat, not wanting to explore that idea either. Do you know what actually happened to him?
Yes. It was long QT syndrome.
Thats a disorder of the hearts electrical system, isnt it? Eve clarified.
Thats right. The QT interval is a measurement on the ECG tracing that reflects the electrical activity in the ventricles. In LQTS the length of time it takes the electrical system to recharge itself after each heartbeat is longer than normal. This can create a very rapid, irregular heart rhythm, which results in no blood being pumped from the heart. If that happens the brain is deprived of oxygen, causing a sudden loss of consciousness or even death. He grimaced. Sorry. You must know all that. Im just so used to explaining it at various fundraising events that its second nature to trot out the whole spiel.
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Jennifer Taylor
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: Dr Right in front of her eyes…Paediatricians Eve and Ryan have not been having a relationship all the way back to their student days! They were firm friends, nothing more, because Ryan ‘never-short-of-a-date’ Sullivan didn’t ever intend to get involved with anyone and Eve was waiting for Mr Right. Then a playful kiss revealed a chemistry so explosive it sent them running in different directions!Now Eve’s new boss at Dalverston General is Ryan! Neither has forgotten that kiss, but Eve’s had herfingers burned by one ‘Mr Right’ and, no matter how gorgeous Ryan is, she still isn’t going to get involved with him…right?