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Baby, I'm Yours
Carrie Weaver








Baby, I’m Yours

Carrie Weaver





















www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)




Table of Contents


Cover (#ufe9befda-4e3c-58d0-8aec-88699fd57062)

Title Page (#uda2f87a1-a11a-5f89-a70f-5961c411e68e)

About The Author (#u64a4e461-eb2b-5721-9ee8-132457b0b74e)

Dedication (#ufad82af2-cb71-5bd9-af04-1c525476babd)

Prologue (#ud71b802e-b849-56f9-a66f-65cd281d7136)

Chapter One (#u838066f5-3aa1-560b-881e-43d9186891cd)

Chapter Two (#u59a3dd7e-65d1-5744-95c9-b06e7bf7382c)

Chapter Three (#u5c1d9361-ec81-5b8a-aee5-11dfc0dc40cb)

Chapter Four (#u8be69741-aeb2-51e5-b6b5-b6b5e74f8988)

Chapter Five (#uf4321746-a792-5cc4-8d18-d2017717513f)

Chapter Six (#u7aedc2e7-d2b2-58a2-984a-30d6b60925a3)

Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Seventeen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Eighteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Nineteen (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Twenty (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Twenty-One (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Twenty-Two (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Twenty-Three (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter Twenty-Four (#litres_trial_promo)

Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)


Carrie Weaver has loved books forever. Her earliest childhood memories include snuggling with her cocker spaniel while her mother read a bedtime story. She treasured the cosy, all-is-right-with-the-world feeling of those special times.

Reading still provides an anchor for Carrie when life gets crazy. With two boys, two dogs, a cat and a pot-bellied pig, life frequently does get chaotic. But chocolate and a good book generally make any problem look more manageable.


This book is for Sandy Zipp, my friend and fellow single mom in the trenches




PROLOGUE


BECCA SMITH STRETCHED, shielding her eyes from the sun. This was the absolute best day ever. But then again, she’d thought the same thing yesterday at Walt Disney World. And the day before that. And pretty much every day for the past twenty years.

She glanced sideways at Gabe, lying prone on a deck chair next to her. He was every bit as handsome as the first day she’d seen him in seventh-grade science class. Maybe even more so. After all these years, she still couldn’t help smiling when he entered a room. Except, of course, on the very rare occasions when they argued.

As if sensing her appraisal, Gabe opened one eye and grinned. “You look very content.”

“I am. I liked Walt Disney World, but I could get addicted to cruising the Caribbean. There’s nothing we have to do, except nap and work on our tans. And I love having you all to myself.”

He reached over and grasped her hand, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb in that slow, sexy way that thrilled her. “I like knowing we can make love whenever we want, day or night, without worrying about being interrupted. No kids, no parents, no pets. Just me and you, naked in our cabin, with all the time in the world. That way I can devote the kind of attention to you that you deserve, from head to toe.”

Becca fanned herself with her paperback novel, recalling the way he’d made love with her this morning. Slow, delicious caresses combined with an inventive position that had left her feeling young, sated and absolutely desirable.

She turned toward him, resting her head against her arm, trying not to wish every single day could be like this. “It has been a special trip. I feel like we’ve recaptured parts of our relationship that sometimes get lost in the everyday hassles.”

“Yeah. It seems we’re both going in so many directions, there isn’t time left for us to just relax together.” He scanned the horizon for a moment, then his gaze met hers, honest and intimate. His voice was husky when he said, “I’ve missed that.”

His admission touched Becca. It reminded her that her big, strong, heroic husband had vulnerabilities, too. Smiling, she traced his biceps with her finger. “Me, too. Only I didn’t realize how much I missed it until this vacation.…Let’s not allow another twenty years go by before we do this again—simply be Becca and Gabe, a couple in love.”

“I haven’t done such a good job of making that a priority, have I?”

“We both get caught up in our jobs, the kids, your parents. It just sneaks up on us. But maybe we can make a conscious effort not to let it happen again. We can schedule dates, get away for more weekends alone.”

Gabe leaned close, cupping her neck with his hand and kissing her. “You are absolutely my top priority, lady, and I intend to show you that every single day.”

“Oh, Gabe, you already do. The little surprises you plan for me, the phone calls every day. I feel guilty for even wanting more.” Becca smiled, caressing his jaw. “It’s been a glorious adventure. One I wouldn’t have missed for anything. We have three beautiful children and a wonderful life.”

“And it’s just going to keep getting better.”

“Absolutely. Except…one thing.”

Frowning, he raised his head. “What’s wrong?”

“We’ve only got two more days and then it’s back to reality. I think there are other ways I’d rather spend this afternoon than working on my tan.”

“Oh?” Gabe’s grin was wicked. His gaze traveled over her, making her glad she’d splurged on a bikini for the trip and put in extra time on her treadmill.

“I bought a set of Kama Sutra cards in the gift shop I’m just dying to open.”

He stood and held out his hand to her. “Have I told you recently how much I love you?”

Becca placed her hand in his and stood, so close she could see the black ringing his brown irises. Her heart constricted at the intensity of his gaze. This gorgeous, kind, wonderful man wanted her, now and forever. It never ceased to amaze her. “Not in the past hour or so.”

“I love you, Bec.” Gabe kissed her deeply, each stroke of his tongue a promise. “Always,” he murmured against her mouth.

Becca twined her arms around his neck and responded eagerly, feeling almost a teen again. Only now, the passion was tempered with years of friendship, shared dreams and goals.

“I love you, Gabe. Always.”




CHAPTER ONE


Three Years Later

BECCA SMITH SQUEEZED her eyes shut and waited for the dizziness to pass. And hoped this horrible day was nearly over.

“Are you okay?”

She opened her eyes to see Rick Jensen’s concerned gaze. During the funeral, the presence of her husband’s best friend and business partner had had a calming effect on her.

But now, Becca longed to scream and keep on screaming, until everyone quit tiptoeing around the fact that Gabe was dead and her life would never be “okay” again. Then she was sure the muted conversations around her would end and her friends and family would scuttle back to their unscathed lives. Their new year would soon return to normal.

The urge to throw casserole dishes and rented glassware against the wall was almost overwhelming, as if the shards raining down on the tile floor could convey how brittle and broken she felt.

But Becca held it together long enough to nod. Somehow, she would make it through the wake.

“Have you eaten today?”

“I—I think so.” It was a lie. But she knew Rick would never understand that her throat constricted every time she took a bite.

He touched her arm. “How about if I fix you a plate? You look like you’re ready to drop.”

“That would be…nice.” She understood his need to make things better for her, knew that her grief reminded him of his own loss—the two men had been as close as brothers. And she wished with her whole heart that food was the answer. But it wasn’t.

When Rick handed her a heaping plate a couple of minutes later, Becca fought a wave of nausea. But she obediently pushed the food around with her fork.

“You’ve got to eat something. For them.” Rick nodded toward her three children: sixteen-year-old Maya, ten-year-old Aaron and their brother, David, now twenty. The three stood huddled together on one side of the living room.

It was as if they realized how vulnerable they were without their strong father standing between them and the world. Or maybe they suspected their normally patient mother was one scream away from losing it in front of all these well-meaning people.

“How much longer?” she asked.

“How much longer for what?”

“Until they leave.” Until she could be alone with her grief and not pretend to be in control. Until she could surrender to the hopelessness threatening to incapacitate her.

“Pretty soon. Why don’t you go upstairs and lie down. I can let Gabe’s folks know. And I’m sure Royce and Katy wouldn’t mind taking over host duties.”

“No, I need to do it. For Gabe.”

Emotion flashed in his eyes, then was gone. “Okay.”

Becca was barely aware when he moved away from her. Or when he spoke quietly to her brother, Royce, and they worked the room in tandem.

All she knew was that people streamed over to say a quick goodbye at precise intervals.

Becca hoped she would remember to thank Rick for his kindness. But the task of staying focused on her hostess duties was almost more than she could handle.

When the last guest left, she closed the door, leaning her forehead against it.

Then was pulled into a strong embrace.

Gabe.

But it wasn’t his scent. It was her brother’s.

Becca stiffened, wondering how she could have confused a brotherly embrace with that of her soul mate. Then she forgave herself for the silly slip, stepping into his arms and hiding as if she were a girl of five again.

“I’m so sorry. I should have seen you weren’t holding up as well as you wanted us to believe,” Royce said.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” He drew back and held her gaze. Touching her cheek, he asked, “Have you cried?”

“No. I can’t. My husband is…dead…and I can’t seem to cry. I’m just so darn angry.”

“Maybe you could use some time alone. Katy and I are going to take Dad and Evelyn to the airport in a few minutes. How about if David, Maya and Aaron come with us to see them off? Then on our way home, we’ll take the kids to the movies—give everyone a little reprieve.”

“I don’t suppose Jim and Irene would want to go?” Becca felt guilty even as she asked the question, putting her need to be alone above her in-laws’ grief.

“We asked Gabe’s folks to come, but they said they want some quiet time alone at the cemetery to say goodbye to Gabe.”

“Thank you.” She hoped those two words adequately expressed her gratitude for what amounted to a lifeline.

Her feelings must have shown, because Royce said, “That way you can have some alone time yourself and let go. Quit being brave.”

“I’m not brave. I’m…sad and confused and so totally p.o.’d, I can barely see straight.”

“That’s understandable.”

Her sister-in-law, Katy, approached. “Everyone’s on board for the airport, then the movies.” She turned to Becca and gave her a quick hug. “We’ll clean up when we get home. You don’t do a thing, except maybe take a long, hot bath and crawl into bed.”

“Thank you.” If the circumstances had been different, Becca would have loved to join them. But as it was, she was just too damn grateful for a few moments of solitude.

Rick came up beside her and touched her arm. “You need anything, anything, call me.”

“Thank you.”

She hugged her kids, her in-laws and her parents and finally they all left.

For possibly the first time in twenty-three years, Becca was totally alone.

She started up the stairs to take a bath, but stopped halfway. She simply couldn’t face the master bedroom and bath, where every corner, every cubic inch of air, reflected her life with Gabe. Her first love. Her only love.

Instead, she retraced her steps to the great room, automatically picking up plates and glassware. By rote, she cleared the room, twining her fingers through several glasses.

One was slick and she started to lose her grip as she walked into the kitchen.

Though she tried to save it, the glass fell to the tiled floor and shattered.

Just as Becca’s life had slipped out of control and broken to bits.

Powerful emotions bubbled within her, emotions foreign yet somehow right. Red-hot rage. Rage at Gabe for promising her forever and staying only twenty-three years. And anger at a God who had taken him away.

The sound of glass shattering was the perfect accompaniment to her anger. She grabbed glass after rented glass and dashed it to the floor, glorying in the power of defiance.

Becca had always played by the rules. She’d been a loving wife, a good mother. She’d treated her in-laws with kindness. Worked hard, volunteered her time, attended church. She had done everything she was supposed to do and her family should have been protected from bad things.

But fate hadn’t played by the rules. It had delivered a massive heart attack to an otherwise healthy husband and father.

RICK LEANED his forehead against the cold steering wheel, his breath condensing as he exhaled. He should go home, get out of the Smith driveway. But he couldn’t seem to turn the key in the ignition. Because once he did, Gabe’s life would be past tense. The funeral was over, the wake was over, and now life was supposed to go on as usual.

But life as usual was no longer possible. Because Gabe wouldn’t be in the office to help build up their rental-car business, playing off Rick’s strengths and weaknesses. There wouldn’t be anybody to clap him on the shoulder after a hard day and suggest stopping for a beer. And there sure wouldn’t be anyone close enough to know what he’d gone through during his divorce, except maybe Becca.

Rick suspected he would never be the same again. He couldn’t just sail through life, taking for granted that he had decades of good health ahead of him. Not only had he suddenly lost his best friend, he’d also come face-to-face with his own mortality. And he didn’t much like it. If a guy as vital as Gabe could be struck down by a heart attack, then it could happen to anyone.

He straightened, staring at the house as if to find answers. Maybe even hoping Gabe would come strolling out the door saying it was all a huge joke. Rick would give everything he had to make that happen. But he couldn’t.

Glancing at the passenger seat, he eyed the files Becca had requested. He should leave them for another day, but she had been insistent. Becca was a hairdresser, but also worked for Reliable Car Rental as their part-time accounts-receivable clerk. She knew as well as he did that the business needed to keep the cash flowing.

But there was no way in hell he wanted to go back into that house today. No way he wanted to look into Becca’s eyes and see blank despair. Her stoic refusal to grieve had touched him more than a flood of tears. She was hurting, no doubt about it. And seeing her so lost and alone threatened his own tentative composure.

Nodding, Rick started the engine, flicked on the heater and put the gearshift in Reverse.

But he couldn’t seem to let his foot off the brake.

Becca needed him.

BECCA WAS BARELY aware of the tears streaming down her face. Or of the glass stinging her calves, leaving pinpricks of blood on her skin.

The only thing she knew was that something immobilized her right arm.

Trying to wrench away, she swung, ready to do battle with whoever stood between her and her mission.

Rick’s hand tightened on her wrist. “No, Becca.”

“Let me go.” She watched in horror as the palm of her left hand connected with his cheek. Felt the sting of flesh meeting flesh. And knew she’d never forgive herself, even if Rick did. But something propelled her movements, something she didn’t understand.

He grasped both wrists. “Calm down.”

“I don’t want to calm down.”

Removing the tumbler from her hand, he set it on the counter.

Becca’s fingers flexed as she glanced longingly at the glass. Destruction felt like the perfect response to destruction. And soothed her in a way nothing else had.

Nodding, she pretended to acquiesce, employing as much cunning as an alcoholic seeking a drink.

Rick pulled her into his arms, murmuring soothing words.

She allowed herself to relax for a moment. Rest her cheek against his gabardine jacket. He was a good friend and only meant to comfort. But he just didn’t understand. He’d lost a friend, but she’d lost the center of her life.

Becca felt as if she was spinning out of control with nothing to anchor her. Except, perhaps, the sound of glass shattering on tile.

Reaching blindly, she patted the counter until she felt something smooth and cylindrical.

“Enough, Becca.”

She struggled, fighting for her life. Or maybe fighting for Gabe’s life. It was all such a confusing mess.

Rick reached for her wrist again.

Becca evaded his grasp, shoving him with her shoulder.

He lost his balance and started to fall backward, pulling her with him.

Grunting as he hit the floor, Rick cushioned her fall.

Becca tried to scramble to her feet, but he held her fast, his arm pinning her against him.

“No, Becca. No more.”

She had lost the battle. Her ragged breathing slowed as the fight went out of her. Replaced by deep, wracking sobs. All her hurt and despair came pouring out.

Barely aware of Rick patting her back, murmuring soothing words, she lost herself in a rush of release at no longer having to pretend she could go on without Gabe.

Cradled by Rick, she curled into the fetal position and cried out her sorrow. Emotion rocked her body with the rhythm of her sobs.

Rick’s chest heaved, as if her sorrow was too much for him. Or as if her loss of control had touched off an explosion of grief in him.

Glancing up at his face, Becca touched his wet cheeks. She shouldn’t have been surprised. He loved Gabe nearly as much as she did.

And that knowledge calmed her, much to her surprise.

Still, Rick held her, murmuring encouragement.

After what seemed like hours, awareness seeped in. Primal awareness.

Movement, friction, two bodies in such proximity had mimicked a coupling so unlikely it was laughable. If she’d had an ounce of her sense of humor left.

Becca glanced up, holding Rick’s startled gaze.

“I’m sorry, Bec. It’s one of those automatic responses.” He set her aside, his husky use of her nickname touching off memories of the many times Gabe had whispered the same in the dark.

If she closed her eyes, she could almost pretend he was Gabe. Pretend it was her mate’s body that responded to hers. And suddenly, she wanted one last opportunity to be with Gabe. To pretend he was still a part of her.

Becca rolled, covering Rick with her body and moving against him.

His voice held a strangled quality when he said, “This isn’t right.”

Holding his gaze, she said, “Nothing’s been right for six days. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. Before today, I couldn’t cry…except for when I broke the glasses. And you took that small comfort from me. You owe me.”

Rick’s shock mirrored her own. It was such an un-Becca-like thing to say.

She didn’t give him time to refuse. She captured his mouth with hers. His protest was smothered by her onslaught, the dance of her tongue inviting him, allowing him the illusion of choice. But already she was hot and wet and proclaiming what she needed. She moved her hips against him as she reached to unbutton his dress pants.

Emotions flooded her. Anger. Remorse. Need. The raw energy of being alive. And the power of being in control. Because Gabe’s death had proven she had absolutely no control over the course of her life. Only this small moment in time.

Becca was determined to experience it all. She reveled in cupping her palm against the front of his pants, but the fabric was in the way. She needed to feel him, warm, pulsing, alive.

Closing her eyes, she unzipped his pants and encircled him with her hand.

She ignored the harsh sound of his indrawn breath and focused on the life beneath her fingertips.

“Bec, this isn’t—”

“Shh.” She opened her eyes, holding his gaze. “Please help me to forget this awful day.”

He grasped her wrists. “Think about what you’re asking.”

“Don’t you understand? I can’t think. Because if I do, I’ll have to admit that Gabe is never coming back.” Becca angrily dashed away the moisture on her cheeks, leaning close and shifting so she straddled him. Her voice was low and hoarse when she said, “We don’t think. We just feel. Anything but hopelessness. Help me, Rick?”

BECCA’s PLEA cut through Rick’s confusion and went straight to his groin. Where her closeness had initially stimulated an automatic response, now he wanted her with a ferocity that nearly unhinged him. Instinct guided him as he pushed her dress up over her hips, groaning at the sight of her black thigh-high stockings against her pale skin.

The only thing Rick knew was that if he didn’t sink into her right now, he was going to die.

Becca leaned close and he cradled the back of her neck with his hand, drawing her down for a deep, scorching kiss. Her fevered response almost sent him over the edge. He groped her thigh and higher, his fingers searching for the panties he knew stood between him and that wet, warm place where he needed to be.

As if sensing his loss of control, Becca drew back with a moan of frustration, snagging her panties and trying to wiggle out of them. He couldn’t wait that long.

Then he realized he was still wearing his briefs. He thanked his lucky stars he was ambidextrous as he freed himself while fumbling for the wallet in his back pocket.

“Done!” Becca crowed, tossing aside her panties.

Black, he noticed.

She straddled him again, maneuvering so that his tip was nestled against her warm, moist, totally ready entrance.

His body surged, intent on answering her invitation in a big way. Everything seemed surreal, as if it were happening to someone else. Suddenly the woman who had been his friend for years was almost a stranger. The last shred of reassuring familiarity exploded into white-hot need.

“Protection.” That was Rick’s last rational thought as he retrieved the condom and ripped open the packet with his teeth.

Becca threw back her head and undulated her hips, torturing him with the promise of completion so close at hand. She made impatient little noises that had him wanting her all the more.

Rick rolled the condom on—at least he was pretty sure he rolled it on—the split second before Becca lowered herself onto him. Or maybe it was right before he grasped her hips and plunged into her. It was all such a blur, he could never be totally sure. He only knew that he was finally exactly where he needed to be.




CHAPTER TWO


RICK GLANCED UP from a sheaf of rental agreements in time to see Becca enter the small reception area. The support staff and rental agents crowded around her, offering hugs of encouragement.

It had been a week since Gabe’s funeral and Rick was still in shock. Saying a final goodbye to his friend had been wrenching. Almost as wrenching was his own behavior afterward.

Becca glanced in his direction and their gazes connected through the glass. He nodded. She waved hesitantly and turned away. It was one of the few times he’d noticed Becca being reserved. She usually had an open, girl-next-door quality that drew people to her.

Releasing a sigh of relief, Rick hoped she would leave without coming to see him. He had no idea what he would say to her. Should he apologize? Ask if she was okay? Pretending it never happened wasn’t an option. He only wished his own emotions weren’t so confused. Guilt was at the top of the list, along with a slightly foolish feeling for losing it that way. He’d crossed a line.

His hopes of avoiding a confrontation were dashed a few minutes later when Becca tapped on his door and stepped inside, closing the door behind her.

A part of him was afraid she might want a repeat performance. But, having analyzed the situation from every possible angle, he found that unlikely.

“I thought we should talk about what happened after the wake,” she said.

“Becca, I—”

She raised her hand to stop him. “I’m so sorry, Rick. I put you in a horrible position, took advantage of our friendship…dishonored my husband.” The catch in her voice made him wince, as did her remorse.

Rick stood up, uncertain whether or not to go to her. “I’m as much to blame as you.”

She gave him a warning look. “No, you’re not. I threw myself at you…I don’t know what came over me. But I apologize and hope we can work together without this affecting the business.”

He admired the way she stood straight and accepted responsibility. He’d known Becca for more than ten years, though, so her attitude shouldn’t have surprised him. Her integrity was rock solid. Being seduced by her a few hours after her husband’s funeral didn’t erase that knowledge.

“You were out of your mind with grief. I…should have reacted better.”

Her eyes blazed. “You reacted exactly how I needed you to react. I nearly begged you, remember?”

“That part’s a little hazy. I just remember it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.”

Maybe that was a simplified version, but it was better than nothing. In those moments on the kitchen floor with her, all he’d known was that he needed what she’d offered and she’d obviously needed him. Not for physical release. But to connect with another living, breathing being when so much had been taken from them.

Becca stepped closer to his desk, leaning forward, her blond hair falling to her shoulders. Her voice was soft when she said, “We can’t go back and undo it, no matter how badly we may want to.”

“Yeah.”

“And I know we can never totally act as if it never happened.”

Rick knew he would never, ever forget Becca holding him as if he was the center of her universe. “No, probably not.”

“But I need to ask a favor.”

“Anything.” It was an automatic gut response.

“Have you told anyone?”

“Of course not.”

“I didn’t think so, but I had to check.”

“And this favor?”

“It would hurt innocent people if this got out. My children, my in-laws. They might think it was some reflection on my feelings for Gabe. I loved my husband with my whole heart. Please don’t tell anyone what happened.” Her voice was husky, reminding him of the way she’d murmured in his ear as she’d made love with him. Even then, he’d understood that Becca was Gabe’s forever. What Rick had experienced with her had been an aberration.

An intense aberration he couldn’t quite get off his mind. But that was his problem, not hers.

“I won’t tell anyone, Becca.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

BECCA SIGHED with relief when she settled herself in the driver’s seat of the minivan, hoping she could avoid Akron rush hour. Her conversation with Rick had been tense, but she’d deserved every second of discomfort. He’d been gracious, all things considered.

Stopping at the neighborhood grocery store on her way home, she intended to run in, get a few things and leave. But she saw several people she knew, and the condolences, though thoughtful, seemed to go on forever. Still, she considered herself lucky to have so many people who cared about her.

It was nearly two o’clock when Becca walked through the door at home. The kids would be there in two hours and the house would erupt in controlled chaos.

“I was starting to worry,” Irene said. “I thought you were only going to the salon for a half day.”

Becca kissed her mother-in-law on the cheek and placed the bags on the counter. “I’m fine. I had a few things I needed to clear up at the rental agency after work. And I stopped at the grocery store.”

“Surely we’ve got enough meals in the freezer to last a month. Or years.”

“Yes.” Becca smiled. The way the condolence casseroles seemed to multiply in the freezer was an ongoing joke. “But we still use toilet tissue, soap and other things.”

“Let me get my purse.”

She hugged the older woman. “Hang on to your cash. It’s all stuff I would have had to buy anyway.”

Irene frowned. “We need to pay our way. It’s not easy expanding your family by two and we don’t ever want to be a burden. We promised five years ago to contribute.”

“You’re never a burden. You contribute by paying the electric and water bills. And by being here for the kids after school. That helps more than you will ever know.”

“I wish you’d let us do more. Especially now…with Gabe…gone.” Her eyes clouded. “Jim and I should probably be looking into other arrangements. Maybe a retirement village.”

“Nonsense. You’re still an important part of this family. It wouldn’t be the same around here without you.”

Irene cupped Becca’s cheek with her hand. “You’re a good girl. I’m so happy Gabe found you. You made a perfect couple.”

“Yes, we did.” Her voice wavered. She tried to avoid the sense of hopelessness that seemed to always be hovering close by these days. “I only wish I’d had one last chance to tell him how much I loved him.”

“He knew. You were the world to him.”

Becca was at risk of losing her composure if they discussed Gabe a moment longer. Trying to change the subject, she said, “Hey, you and Jim provided him with an example of the perfect marriage.”

“That takes work as you well know. Speaking of work, I better call Jim in from the workshop so he can help bring in the groceries.”

“Let him continue with his project. I only had these two bags.”

“It’s good for him to feel needed.”

Becca patted Irene’s arm. “I know. That’s why I’m grateful for his help. But today it’s not necessary.”

“Don’t feel you have to do everything yourself. Accept help when people offer.”

Becca turned away and pretended to check the contents of the grocery sack. “I do.”

“Only when you feel you have no other choice.”

Glancing up, she found Irene watching her. “It’s…hard. Gabe and I were a team, a unit. Now, I’m not sure what I am.”

“You’re a woman who has had a terrible loss. A woman who works hard to keep it together on her own. Sometimes, accepting help is the greatest gift you can give someone you love.”

Becca would have agreed with her, as long as it was someone else on the receiving end. Helping Gabe’s parents was as much a part of her as taking care of her children. And she would do the same thing for her father and his wife when they weren’t able to live alone anymore.

But asking for help was one thing Becca couldn’t seem to do. Except for asking—no, demanding—that Rick make it all go away for a few moments the night of Gabe’s funeral.

Becca’s gaze was drawn to the tiled floor where she’d made love to Rick. Her stomach protested.

“Are you okay, dear?” Irene asked.

“Yes. I was just thinking…” And hoping guilt wasn’t written all over her face, like a scarlet A. She knew Irene would be horrified if she ever found out. The thought of losing her respect made Becca’s heart ache.

But no one would ever know. Rick had promised.

Becca would be left to wrestle with her conscience alone. In this very kitchen, she’d managed to betray not only Gabe, but Rick. How would she ever forgive herself for such a huge abuse of trust?

When she contemplated what Rick probably thought of her, Becca inwardly cringed.

It didn’t matter.

Who was she kidding? It mattered a great deal. She didn’t want to lose his friendship over a moment of insanity. It was almost a compulsion these days to keep the people who’d known and loved Gabe as close as possible. As if, in some way, it kept Gabe close, too.

A WEEK LATER, Rick waited in the booth at Coco’s Restaurant. His reason for inviting Becca had been purely practical. They needed to discuss business in a neutral setting. The office was out, because he didn’t want to spook the employees if anyone heard about belt-tightening. And Becca’s house was definitely not a good idea.

He stood as she approached the table, admiring the vibrant swing of her blond hair, her confident stride and ready smile. The lines of strain were barely noticeable. But the fact that she’d lost weight was readily evident and he worried.

That was the other reason for inviting her to lunch. At least he was sure she’d eat one good meal today instead of forgetting to take care of herself while she looked after everyone else.

Rick grasped her hands and kissed her quickly on the cheek. “Hi. No problem with traffic?”

“Not a bit. This was a great idea.” Her eyes held a trace of wariness, though.

He wondered if she would think it was such a good idea when he was finished imparting his news.

“How are the kids doing?” he asked as they sat down.

“It depends on the hour. They seem to take turns having meltdowns in their own way. It’s exhausting trying to gauge who’s having a hard time and what I should do to make it right.”

“Not a whole lot you can do. Except listen and let them know you’re there.”

“But I’m their mother. I should be able to offer words of wisdom that make their pain bearable. I’ve spouted the ‘we’re in this together’ stuff until they’re tired of hearing it. And to be honest, grief is a pretty solitary pursuit. No matter how badly I want to be there for them, a lot of it they’re going to have to work out in their own time in their own way.”

Rick nodded. “Same goes for you.”

“The children have to be my focus right now. I don’t have the luxury of falling to pieces.”

“I remember when Kayla was a teen. It made me feel so helpless when I realized that she would ultimately have to find her own way. My ex-wife and I just stood there with our hearts on our sleeves, hoping like crazy she’d ask us for guidance. And when she didn’t, providing it anyway.”

“You and Valerie did a good job. Kayla seemed like a nice girl the few times she’s come to the office to visit.”

“Yes, I don’t see her nearly often enough. But she’s got her own life. I guess I should be grateful she got a job in Akron after she graduated from NYU.”

Becca reached across the table and touched his arm. “I’m sorry. I seem to have lost every ounce of tact I once had. She’s just doing the usual separation thing, trying to be an adult.”

Awareness rippled through him, reminding him she had once touched him in a more intimate way.

As if sensing his thoughts, Becca quickly withdrew her hand.

The waitress arrived and took their order and the awkward moment passed.

“Tell me the real reason for the lunch invitation.”

Rick cleared his throat. “There are some changes around the office I need to discuss with you.”

“Changes?”

“Personnel. I brought the books for you to take home and look at this evening. Gabe’s only been gone two weeks and I’m swamped. We’re going to lose customers if our service suffers—you know how competitive the rental business is.”

“I know you’ve had a lot on your plate. Can we hire someone to…fill Gabe’s position?”

“We can’t afford two salaries for one position.”

Becca paled. “You’ve continued to pay his salary to us. I have to admit, I didn’t stop to think what that would mean.”

“Believe me, I’d like to keep on paying his salary indefinitely. If business were booming, we could. But you know we’re putting most of our profit back into the agency.”

“You have to do what’s best for the company. Hire someone to take Gabe’s place. We’ll…manage somehow.”

He could tell from the panic in her eyes that she had no idea how her family would manage.

“What about Gabe’s life insurance? Will that tide you over until we can pay you a dividend?”

“He let the policy lapse.”

Rick swore under his breath. How could Gabe have been so careless?

Simple. Gabe hadn’t intended to drop dead at forty-two.

There was no way Rick could pull the rug from beneath Becca. He’d simply have to continue with eighty-hour workweeks and hope for the best. “Forget I said anything. Maybe I can delegate some of Gabe’s duties.”

“What about me? Why don’t I pick up some of the slack?”

“Becca, you’ve got a full-time job of your own at the salon, plus the agency’s accounts receivable and three kids who are grieving for their father. With elderly in-laws, your plate is already too full.”

He didn’t add that it would be nearly impossible to work that closely with her and not be reminded of what they’d shared. And what he feared they’d lost.

Their meals arrived, giving them a moment of respite from the heavy topic.

“This business meant the world to Gabe,” she said. “He wouldn’t want it jeopardized.”

“He wouldn’t want his family jeopardized, either.”

“Then why did he let the policy lapse?” Becca’s confusion and frustration were evident in her voice.

“You meant the world to him, Becca.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that? If I meant the world to him he wouldn’t have left me.”

“He didn—”

“Logically, I know he didn’t choose to leave us. I know he never intended to need that policy, either. But he did. And I can’t help but feel a little…shell-shocked.” Blinking away tears, she said, “Things were so good between us. I can’t believe he’s gone, Rick.”

He patted her hand. His voice was rough when he said, “I know. Neither can I.”

“You know what scares me most? That I might give up. That I’ll curl up in a ball and give up. What will my children do then?”

Rick rubbed her knuckles with his thumb. His eyes were warm with concern. “Becca, I can’t begin to imagine how hard it is for you. But I’ve known you during good times and bad, and the one thing I can tell you is that you’re strong. You’ll get through this.”

“I’m a fake, Rick. Inside, I’m just a scared little girl who wants Gabe to come home and make it all right.” She glanced away. “But even if by some miracle he did, I’d never be able to look him in the eye. Because of what I did.”

“What we did.”

Becca wiped her eyes. “I blame myself. The guilt wakes me up in the middle of the night.”

“Becca, listen to me. The guilt will eat you alive if you don’t acknowledge that, technically, we did nothing wrong.”

“Oh, please. Technically, my husband was barely in the grave and I seduced his best friend.”

“Shh.” Rick glanced around. “Calm down.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I’m very calm. You seem to be in the unenviable position of being the one person with whom I can be honest. The one person who has seen me at my worst during this crisis and still manages not to hate me as much as I hate myself.” She stood. “I’m going to leave before I unload more on you than either of us is comfortable with. Give me the books and I’ll return them tomorrow.”

Rick complied, watching helplessly as she stalked out of the restaurant. Her half-eaten meal seemed to mock him.

And her parting shots replayed in his mind. Why on earth had she chosen to trust him? He had the feeling she didn’t know the answer any better than he did.

Rick also wondered what she could have possibly unloaded that would have shocked him more than being seduced by her in such a direct, no-holds-barred manner.

He tossed some bills on the table and went after her. Not to confront her, but to make sure she was okay.




CHAPTER THREE


BECCA WALKED OUTSIDE into the sunshine and felt the world spin. She steadied herself against the restaurant wall, hoping Rick hadn’t noticed, as he came striding up beside her.

Quickly righting herself, she glanced sideways at him.

He seemed lost in thought and didn’t comment.

When they reached her car, he kissed her on the cheek and closed the door behind her. Then stood and waited for her to start the car.

She should have found his concern reassuring. But it simply made her feel trapped. Because no matter how hard she tried, circumstances seemed to be spinning out of control. The lightheadedness wasn’t normal and she was afraid to face what it might mean.

Becca backed the car out of the space and waved. She almost made it home before her stomach rebelled and she had to pull off on a side street. Finally, her stomach settled and she was able to finish the drive.

Becca ignored the panic waiting to engulf her. She reassured herself with the thought that the queasiness had started when she’d been notified of Gabe’s death. It was a reaction to stress, nothing more.

Becca managed to keep the tears at bay until she reached home. Pulling into the garage, she pushed the control and lowered the door behind her, then unbuckled her seat belt by rote.

But her hand hovered over the ignition. It would be so easy to leave the car running and drift off into unconsciousness. There wouldn’t be any more difficult conversations, impossible decisions or agonizing days and achingly empty nights. She wouldn’t have to sleep in Gabe’s T-shirts simply to remind herself what it was like to have him near. And she wouldn’t have to dread the next forty or so years, pining for the man who had captured her heart so long ago.

When Becca thought of all the birthdays, holidays and special occasions stretching before her, the ache grew unbearable. She couldn’t imagine attending their children’s graduations without Gabe. Couldn’t stand the thought of Maya not having her father walk her down the aisle at her wedding. Couldn’t believe Gabe wouldn’t be there to grow old with her.

Closing her eyes, Becca felt the seemingly neverending tears wet her face. She tried to recall how Gabe had looked on their anniversary cruise when they’d found their love renewed, stronger than ever.

Her heart ached so badly it seemed to radiate through her entire torso. Becca wrapped her arms around her waist and rocked.

Simply staying in the car and waiting for the fumes to collect would be a solution to her suffering. A very final solution. But, suddenly, she could see her children, heartbroken and lost, at yet another funeral. Suicide would leave scars that might not ever heal.

Becca opened her eyes and twisted the key with more force than was necessary. She was no quitter and she had no intention of leaving her children to mourn two parents instead of one.

In that moment, Becca felt a calmness wash over her. It was as if her soul had returned to her body after hovering above. She felt totally present for the first time in two weeks. As if she had found renewed purpose beyond the constant pain. Whatever the reason, Becca sensed she’d turned an important corner. No longer a helpless victim of fate, she would do everything within her power to make life right again for her children.

RICK’s STEPS SLOWED as he approached his office the next morning. Squaring his shoulders, he prepared for another difficult conversation.

“Becca, what are you doing here this morning?”

“I’m here to work. I’ve decided to take over Gabe’s job. He loved this place and wanted to build a legacy for our children. And I intend to make that happen.”

Rick went around his desk, sitting. He took a long drink from his travel mug, wishing it was something stronger than coffee. “I told you I’d make it work. There’s no need for you to do this.”

“Yes, there is. You can’t hire anyone else without giving them Gabe’s salary. We can’t live without Gabe’s salary. I’ll cut back my hours at the hair salon, keep only my best customers and take over for Gabe. With social security, we should be able to make it.”

“You’ve been around the business a lot, but there would still be so much to learn.”

“I’m a quick learner. And we could hire someone part-time for accounts receivable as profits allow.”

“There will be long hours. You need to be there for your kids.”

“In a perfect world, I could drop everything to ease this transition for my children. Unfortunately, it’s not a perfect world and I need to find the best solution. Gabe’s parents offered to pick up more of the slack at home. We can do it. And David works here part-time, so I might see him more often.”

Rick noticed a new resolve in her voice. While he admired her confidence, he didn’t want the business to suffer if she wasn’t able to tackle it all. “Let me have some time to think it over.”

“What’s to think over? You may own controlling interest, but only by two percent. This business is as much mine as it is yours.”

He’d never missed Gabe more than at this moment. Their partnership had grown and evolved into an organic, symbiotic relationship. With Becca, he’d be starting from square one. And with a woman he’d slept with, no less. It was a recipe for disaster.

But she had a point about ownership. Technically, he could make unilateral decisions, but it didn’t bode well for keeping the business together. The last thing he wanted to do was be forced to sell.

Running his hand through his hair, he asked, “There’s nothing I can say to dissuade you?”

“Nothing.” Her voice was emphatic.

“I can check with the bank about a business loan or see if I can take out a second mortgage on my house. Maybe then I could buy out your share.”

“No, Rick, absolutely not. I’m here, I’m staying and I intend to be an active partner. It’s the least I can do for my children. The least I can do to honor Gabe.”

How could he say no when she put it that way?

He couldn’t. But he could at least buy himself time. Very few people could maintain the kind of commitments Becca described. Maybe she would eventually be forced to admit it wasn’t a good idea.

“Why don’t we give it a trial run? Maybe sixty days and then reevaluate?”

“Deal.” Becca extended her hand.

He shook, wondering what the hell he’d gotten himself into. “Deal.”




CHAPTER FOUR


RICK CONNECTED to the ball with a vicious swing. It ricocheted off the wall and came back low.

He sprinted a few feet to lob it this time. Wiping the sweat from his eyes, he returned with another lob. The lob wasn’t a strategic play, it was borne from the sheer necessity of playing racquetball by himself.

He’d canceled his court time twice after Gabe’s death. But now, he needed the release of physical exertion. And not the kind that immediately came to mind. Because when he thought of that kind of exertion, he thought of Becca.

His next shot was low and lethal. Dodging left, he barely missed being hit. Half an hour later, he couldn’t catch his breath.

Was he having a heart attack?

Before, he would have brushed off the thought. He was too young, too fit for that to happen. But Gabe had been young and apparently fit and now he was dead.

Exiting the court, he draped a towel around his neck, trying not to look for Gabe. He half expected to turn his head and see his friend standing there, grinning.

“Hey, Jensen.”

Rick turned, but no Gabe. Instead it was a guy he’d seen around the gym.

“Hey.”

“I heard about Gabe. Sorry, man.”

“Thanks.”

Rick couldn’t recall the guy’s name. Rob, Bob, something like that.

“I’m Bill Connors. My partner and I have the next court time.”

“Oh, yeah. See ya around.” Rick turned, unwilling to watch the twosome enjoy a kick-ass game when his partner was six feet under.

“Thing is, I was wondering what you’ll be doing with your court time. Didn’t see you here last week. Me and my buddies wouldn’t mind taking it off your hands.”

Rick slowly turned to face Bill, his hand clenching his racquet handle. It was all he could do to keep from taking the guy’s head off. He had lost his best friend, his business and racquetball partner. He’d be damned if he was going to lose his court time, too.

“I’ve got a new partner starting next week,” Rick lied. “But I’ll keep you in mind if I decide to give it up.”

“I’d appreciate it.”

“No problem.”

Rick exited the parking lot faster than was necessary, anger buzzing through his system. The problem was, he didn’t know why he was so pissed off. Maybe because he had absolutely nobody with whom he wanted to partner up on the racquetball court. Rick was the kind of guy who was content with one close friend. That had been Gabe. No wonder he felt the loss so keenly.

When he reached the rental agency ten minutes later, Rick swung his car into the parking lot and sighed. There was a pickup parked in his space beneath the shade tree.

Finding a spot at the back of the lot, Rick was in a pretty foul mood. First with Bill trying to take his court time, now with David Smith stealing his parking space. It seemed as if the kid had been challenging him a lot lately.

His irritation grew darker as he entered the agency and saw the light on in his office.

He nodded and said a curt good-morning to the Saturday staff.

His suspicions were confirmed when he walked into his office.

“David.” It came out more a challenge than a greeting.

“Hey, Rick.”

“You want to get out of my seat?”

David’s chin came up. “It’s my father’s company, too.”

“Yes, and your father has a desk. I suggest you use it.”

“It’s…weird not to see him there.”

The challenge was gone and all Rick saw was the young boy who had done cannonballs into the pool the first time Rick had been invited to the Smith house for a party.

Even then, he’d envied the way the Smiths had fun together. And how people seemed to flock to their home, where impromptu parties were common.

Rick cleared his throat. “Yeah, it’s kind of weird for me, too. I expect to see your dad walk through the door all the time.”

“Like he’s at lunch or something.”

Rick nodded. He stood behind David, willing him out of his chair and feeling guilty about it. “I bet you can scare up an empty desk somewhere in the office.”

“All right already. I’m moving.”

“Good. Oh, and David? Don’t park in my space again.”

“You’re on a real power trip, huh?”

“You know the rules.”

“Yeah, well, I’m tired of it always being your way. It’s our business as much as it’s yours. It’s time I stepped up to the plate as the man of the family. I’m gonna talk to my mom about me taking over my dad’s job instead of her.”

“I can think of several reasons that wouldn’t be a good idea, the first of which is your age. Twenty may seem mature to you, but believe me there’s a lot to learn. And I can’t imagine your mother would be happy about you quitting college.”

“Probably not. But this is something I need to do. I can’t just stand by and do nothing while my family sinks. If I take over Dad’s position, then my mom can work at the salon full-time and nothing’s changed. We can make it.”

Rick had to wonder about David seeming so well informed about the family finances.

“Your mother and I can discuss increasing your hours if she thinks you can handle it and still carry a full course load.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. I’ll quit school. She’ll know that it’s the best way. You’ll see.”

Rick felt a headache forming behind his eyes. He hoped like crazy that David was wrong. But Becca had been acting out of character since Gabe died. Did David know something Rick didn’t?

IT WAS NEARLY three o’clock by the time Becca made it into the agency. She’d done upsweeps for a wedding party, run home, made lunch for the kids, taken sixteen-year-old Maya to dance class, mopped up a mess after ten-year-old Aaron had washed the dog in the upstairs tub, then picked up Maya from dance class.

Then she’d listened to Maya’s sobs about a lost dance solo for the upcoming recital. Becca had to wonder if her daughter’s hysteria was caused more by fallout from Gabe’s death than losing the solo. With teenage girls, it was hard to tell. Emotions swung from one extreme to the other, with barely any advance notice. It was like trying to grab hold of a funnel cloud.

Sighing with relief, Becca was pleased to have the relative peace of the rental agency to look forward to.

She waved to the agents and went into Gabe’s office, where she found David.

“Hi, sweetheart. Isn’t it about time for you to head home?”

“Yeah, but I’m trying to put in more hours. Rick said it was okay.”

Becca suppressed a flash of annoyance. “It would have been nice if he’d talked to me first.”

“I was the one who brought it up. Anyway, I think he was just trying to keep me quiet. I told him I wanted to take over Dad’s job so you wouldn’t have to.”

“You told him what? I thought I made myself clear. School first. Once you have your degree, then we’ll see what we can do.”

“We can’t afford college. My tuition is expensive. I could be contributing to the family finances instead of draining them.”

Becca scraped her bangs off her face. “I’ll work it out somehow. And I’m going to take on your dad’s job. Don’t worry about your tuition or the family finances.”

“Mom, I’ve heard you on the phone to Uncle Royce. I know Dad didn’t have any life insurance. How can I go to school when I know we need the money?”

“We’ll do fine. I’m drawing your father’s salary now.”

“And losing half of your own.”

“Once I get things down here, I might be able to spend more time in the salon.”

“Why? I can help.”

“No, and that’s final. Your father wanted you to have a college education. I want you to have a college education.”

David grumbled, but tidied up his mess. “I won’t be home for dinner.”

Neither will I.

Truth be told, she had enough work to keep her busy till late into the night. But shared dinners were the glue that kept a family together.

“Where will you be?” Becca asked.

“I’m taking Brittany out to dinner. It’s her birthday.”

Becca nodded. “Have fun. And be careful.”

“I always am.”

“I know you are.” Just as she knew he was a normal twenty-year-old kid who occasionally didn’t think things through. She’d always feared a phone call in the middle of the night saying something had happened to one of her children.

Since Gabe’s death, it had become almost a compulsion. She worried until she heard David and Maya come up the stairs and enter their own rooms. Only then would the dread ease.

David kissed her on the cheek before leaving.

She went to Rick’s office, knocking on the door frame as she entered.

He glanced up, his expression inscrutable. “Hi, Becca. I didn’t expect to see you today.”

“Gabe usually worked Saturday afternoons.”

“Yeah, but you have the kids and all their activities.”

Becca shrugged, hoping she didn’t look half as exhausted as she felt. “I’ll do both.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You look like you haven’t slept for days.”

“Gee, thanks, you really know how to make a woman feel beautiful.”

“You’re always beautiful, Becca.” Rick flushed, as if realizing what he’d said. “But you’re going to burn out if you’re not careful. Gabe would never forgive me if I allowed that to happen.”

“Gabe would understand why I have to do this.”

“I’m not so sure. He’d hate to see how hard you’re pushing yourself.”

“There’s no other way. Now, do you have a few minutes to sit down and go over what I can expect in the next couple weeks as we prepare to return leased vehicles?”

“Pull a chair over. I’ll show you what I have so far. Then you can go with me to the body shop and we can check on repair status.”

“Good.”

For the next hour Rick explained how the system worked. “The factory won’t take back vehicles with extensive repairs or obvious damage,” he told her once he’d run through the procedures.

“So we’re stuck with them?”

“We’ll have to sell them at auction, probably at a loss.” He handed her a computer printout. “These cars should be on the lot today. We’ll thoroughly inspect them and avoid renting them out again if possible.”

“What if we do have to rent them?”

“We’ll want to reinspect them even more closely than usual. Come on, I’ll show you what to look for.”

They went out on the lot.

“I also pulled the repair history on each vehicle, so we can eyeball the repairs. Everything has to be pristine. The new cars will be arriving as these leave, so it’s going to be chaotic.” He grinned.

“Why do I get the feeling you thrive on this?”

“Probably because I do.”

“This process used to kind of stress Gabe out. Not that he complained or anything. He wouldn’t have wanted me to worry. I wonder if he’d still be here if I’d worried more.”

“You can’t second-guess yourself, Becca.”

“How can I not second-guess myself?”

“Focus on what you can do. You’ve got some pretty intense challenges right now.”

They checked the vehicles one by one, a time-consuming job with a midsize fleet. Fortunately, many were rented out at the moment. Becca was amazed at how easily Rick could find a flawed repair or minor damage.

He shook his head. “Roger’s usually not this careless. He’s been at it for so long, he could do bodywork in his sleep.”

“Gabe thought the world of him. Said he was the best in the business and we were very fortunate to have him run our body shop.”

“He’s got a couple kids working with him to help get the cars ready for return. This must’ve got past him. I’ll talk to him about watching the guys more closely.”

“See this fender.” Rick squatted, pointing. “Run your palm over it.”

Becca knelt next to him on the asphalt, glad she’d worn jeans today. She ran her hand over the fender the way she’d seen him do it. “I can feel it’s rougher there. And it looks like the paint is bubbled up.”

“Yep, that’ll need to be sanded and repainted. If we had to send out the repairs, this would be a substantial expense. But since we have our own shop, that keeps costs down.”

Nodding, Becca said, “Yes, one of the women at the salon was rear-ended, a fender bender really, and repairs cost over a thousand dollars.”

“Absolutely.” Glancing at his watch, he said, “I gotta run. I’m meeting Valerie for drinks.”

“You two have the most amicable divorce I’ve ever seen.”

Rick stood, brushing off his hands. Grinning, he said, “Too bad the marriage wasn’t this amicable. We just get together once a month to compare notes on Kayla.”

Becca rose, too, bracing her hand against the car, hoping she didn’t sway.

“Are you okay?” Rick steadied her.

She managed to smile. “Fine. Just stood up too quickly.”

“This dizziness worries me. And you’ve lost weight. Maybe you should see someone about it.”

“I’m really fine.” She smiled brightly. “Besides, I’ve got a checkup next week. I’ll mention it to my doctor then.”

“Be sure you do. After what happened to Gabe, I’m kind of jumpy about my friends not feeling well.”

“I’ll talk to the doctor, I promise. And thanks for caring enough to nag. I’m fortunate to have friends like you.”

Though just this once, she wished Rick were a little less observant.




CHAPTER FIVE


A WEEK LATER, Dr. Barker finished the examination. “Go ahead and get dressed, then meet me in my office.”

“That sounds…ominous.”

The doctor smiled, kindness in her warm brown eyes. “Not at all. Just a better place to talk.”

“I read the material in your waiting room about perimenopause and that certainly describes some of the symptoms I’m having. Fatigue, mood swings, difficulty concentrating, decreased appetite…or it could have something to do with stress.”

“We’ll discuss it in my office.” The doctor closed the door behind her.

Becca dressed as quickly as possible, her fingers fumbling with the buttons on her blouse. She avoided looking at the diagrams of a woman’s reproductive organs on the wall. One of the drawbacks to having her ob-gyn handling her general checkup.

When she emerged from the examination room, the nurse took her to Dr. Barker’s office.

The doctor glanced up from a file and smiled warmly. “Have a seat.”

Becca sat in the padded chair, wishing they could dispense with formalities and get right to the point.

“We checked your hormone levels to see if perimenopause might be the culprit. We also checked for pregnancy hormones.”

“Pregnancy? No, that couldn’t…”

But it could have happened and that’s why she’d been trying to avoid panicking. Trying not to think about it at all.

“Becca, you’re not perimenopausal. You’re pregnant.”

The room spun and Becca felt as if she might be sick.

“I understand the timing may not be the most opportune…”

“No, it’s not.” She started to tick off items on her fingers. “I’m forty-one, recently widowed, working two jobs to keep food on the table and supporting three children and my two elderly in-laws.”

Dr. Barker reached across the desk and grasped her hand. “I’m sorry. There are options…”

Becca drew back in horror. “Abortion? Absolutely not.”

“Adoption.”

“No, I couldn’t live with myself. I’ll work through this. Raise the child myself. H-how far along am I?”

“We’ll need to do an ultrasound to determine that. You said you haven’t missed any periods?”

“No, but my last one was very light. I thought it was because of stress.”

“Maybe this baby will bring you joy—a gift from your late husband.”

“Yes, of course.”

Becca was barely aware of grabbing her purse and fleeing the office.

She couldn’t face going back to the agency. She called Rick and, wonder of wonders, something worked out right for her. Her call went straight to his voice mail.

“Hi, Rick, it’s Becca. I have some stuff I’d like to take care of from home, so I won’t be back today as planned. I’ll be in bright and early tomorrow morning.”

There, her voice hadn’t even wavered.

No need to call home because her family wouldn’t expect her until dinnertime. What she did need was some time alone to think.

She drove through Cuyahoga Falls and headed out of town, seeking serenity at Cuyahoga Valley National Park.

Her thoughts bounced around like a frantic rabbit as she drove. But she wouldn’t allow them to get out of hand. Even now, safety was paramount. Maybe even more than before.

A short time later, she pulled into the parking lot near her favorite covered bridge, a spot that seemed to take her back to the simpler times when the historic bridge was built. A time before progress in Ohio meant paved roads and shopping malls.

She got out and walked, simply walked, allowing the thoughts to come cascading in.

How in the world had this happened? She and Gabe had used condoms as protection for years, but had gotten progressively lax. Becca had secretly welcomed the idea of another child and Gabe had been on the fence. Until two nights before he died, when he’d laughingly said they’d take their chances.

Why then? Had Gabe had some premonition of his death?

Becca smiled, touching her stomach. It would be wonderful to have one more part of Gabe live on.

But what if the baby wasn’t Gabe’s? A wave of nausea made her tremble. No, it wasn’t possible. She remembered how insistent Rick had been about using protection, even in the throes of the most spontaneous lovemaking she’d ever experienced. Becca would be forever grateful for his consideration, because she’d been in no state of mind to consider the ramifications.

In his way, he’d given her a gift, too. Because she could, with certainty, know this baby was Gabe’s.

RICK FINISHED WORK around seven. He probably should swing by the gym, but he couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that there was something going on with Becca.

Nodding to his staff, he grabbed a few files on his way out.

As he walked up the Smith driveway a short time later, Rick told himself he was worried about a friend, pure and simple. It was normal to feel responsible for his best friend’s widow.

Wasn’t it?

He rang the doorbell and waited.

Aaron answered the door and hollered, “Mom, it’s Rick.”

The boy left the door open, so Rick stepped into the entryway.

Becca staggered in, yawning.

“Hi, Rick. I must’ve fallen asleep on the couch.”

Even half-asleep and with dark circles under her eyes, Becca was beautiful.

Shifting, he said, “I brought you the damage files. Thought you might want to look them over.”

“Thank you.”

“Everything go okay at the doctor’s today?”

“Fine. I’m healthy as a horse.”

But she didn’t look healthy. She looked drawn and lifeless. There was something she wasn’t telling him. He’d known Becca long enough to sense when she was dancing around an issue.

He opened his mouth to protest, but Maya beat him to the punch.

Coming down the stairs, she asked, “You went to the doctor? Why didn’t you tell us? Is something wrong?” There was an edge of panic in her voice.

Becca raised her chin. “Absolutely not. It was a routine checkup, nothing more.”

“You’d tell us if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course.”

Becca’s overbright smile told him that she would do whatever was necessary to protect her daughter. But Maya seemed mollified.

The girl gave her mother a big hug. “Okay. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Mother and daughter were about the same height, but that was where the resemblance ended. Maya was all Gabe, with an olive complexion and expressive brown eyes.

“I’m going to Trina’s house to study.” Maya grabbed her backpack.

“Be home by ten.”

“See ya.” And she walked out the door.

“They are so self-contained at that age,” he commented.

“She worries too much. If I’m five minutes late, she calls. If she can’t reach me on my cell, she starts to panic. I think she’s afraid of losing me, too.”

“I can understand that.”

“Yes, but it makes things difficult sometimes.”

Rick hesitated.

“Do you want to come in?” Becca asked.

He had a feeling he was expected to decline, but instead said, “Sure, for a few minutes.”

“Maybe there are still some cookies left in the kitchen. Come on, let’s go check.”

He followed her to the kitchen, admiring the ease with which she handled his sudden appearance. Their lovemaking hadn’t shaken her as much as him.

Aaron was sitting at the kitchen table, his math book open in front of him.

“I thought you already finished your homework,” Becca commented.

“I forgot a page.”

“Hmm. Try harder to remember next time. I don’t like you leaving your homework till the last minute. That makes for sloppy work.” She ruffled his hair as she went to the counter. “Have a seat, Rick.”

He sat at the opposite end of the table, so their talk wouldn’t disturb Aaron’s concentration.

“Coffee? Water?” Becca asked, placing a plate of cookies on the table.

The boy snagged the first one.

“Water’s fine,” Rick said.

Becca returned with two glasses of ice water and napkins.

Selecting a cookie, Rick nodded toward the plate. “Still working on the leftovers from the wake?”

Becca’s smile faded as she sat down in a chair across the table from him. “They freeze well.”

Gabe’s mother, Irene, came in the kitchen. She glanced at him, unspoken questions in her eyes. “Hello, Rick. Good to see you again.” So soon?

“Good to see you, too. I brought some files for Becca.”

“Why don’t you join us for a snack, Irene,” Becca invited.

“No. But I’ll steal a couple cookies and take them out to Jim.”

“Is he working on something in the shop?” Rick asked.

“Yes. I haven’t seen it yet—he’s been very secretive about this project. But he did let it slip that it’s some sort of commemorative to Gabe.”

“Ah, so you’re trying to catch him unawares and the cookies are your excuse?” Becca teased.

Irene stiffened. “Absolutely not. That would be an abuse of his trust. Trust is very important, don’t you agree, Rick?”

Did he detect an undercurrent? Surely there was no way she could know what had happened with Becca the night of Gabe’s funeral.

He forced himself not to break eye contact. “Trust is very important.”

She nodded, her hand hovering over the cookies. Her stare was lethal.

He grasped at another reason for his visit. “Um, Becca, I also came by to talk to you about David.”

Becca frowned. “Did he take your parking space again? I talked to him about that. If it involves him working more hours, I would prefer that he spend the time studying.”

“I agree with you about the hours and I’ll back you up. He seems determined to be the man of the house now that Gabe’s gone.”

“I don’t want that for him and I’m sure Gabe wouldn’t, either. I want him to have every opportunity to be a young man before he has too many responsibilities thrust on him.”

“It seems to be something he’s taking on himself,” Rick said. “The kid’s wound pretty tightly. I need to find a replacement partner for racquetball, or I’m going to lose my court time at the gym. I was thinking it might be a good outlet for David to blow off steam.”

Becca smiled. “I think it’s a wonderful idea.”

“Hmmph.” Irene made a great show of wrapping cookies in a napkin.

“What do you think, Irene?” Becca asked.

“It’s fine, I guess. Nobody could replace David’s father, though.”

There was a moment’s silence, then Rick said, “I know that.”

Slowly, Irene nodded. “Good.” Then she left through the back door.

“I hope Irene’s feeling all right.” Becca sounded concerned. “She’s not usually short with people. I’ve been worried about her since the funeral.”

“I’m sure she’s fine.” As a matter of fact, he was pretty sure Irene had picked up on the vibes he’d been trying to hide, even from himself.

Because when he looked across the table at Becca, he remembered how good they’d been together.




CHAPTER SIX


BECCA TRIED TO focus on what Rick was saying. But her mind kept drifting to the news she’d received from the doctor and what it would mean to her life.

“Hey, earth to Becca.”

“I’m sorry. I guess I’m still groggy from my nap.”

“I better go.” Rick rose and placed his glass in the sink.

For a wild instant, Becca wished she could confide in him. She needed a shoulder to lean on so badly. But Rick was the last person to rely on for emotional support. Look where it had gotten them last time.

“I’ll walk you to the door.” There must have been a note of desperation in her voice, because Rick raised an eyebrow.

“Thanks, I think.”

“I’m not trying to get rid of you…”

“Hey, I didn’t intend to stay.” He ruffled Aaron’s hair on his way past. “Keep hittin’ the books.”

“I’m almost done.”

Becca breathed a sigh of relief when she closed the door behind Rick. She found pretending everything was normal tremendously draining.

After helping Aaron with the rest of his homework, she tucked him into bed and ran a couple loads of laundry, then sat down on the couch in the great room.

Glancing at her watch, she sighed. It was nearly time for Maya to be home from studying. Becca closed her eyes for just a moment…

She awakened to the sound of glass breaking. Fear brought her instantly awake. Was it an intruder?

But her eyes focused on Maya clumsily trying to scoop up pieces of Becca’s favorite vase.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I was trying to be quiet, but I bumped into the table, and the vase…” Maya swayed. “Broke.”

Becca went to her daughter and was dismayed when she smelled beer.

Grasping Maya’s arm, she asked, “Have you been drinking?”

“No!” But the teenager hiccuped and giggled. “I guess I’m busted.”

“Where’d you get the beer?”

“Nowhere.”

“Maya, I want to know the truth. Where were you tonight and how did you get the beer?”

“I told you, I was at Trina’s house. Her dad keeps a whole fridgeful.”

What had happened to her levelheaded honor student?

“Maya, this isn’t like you.”

“No big deal. Everybody does it.”

“Not you. We’ll discuss your punishment in the morning when you’re more likely to remember, but you can bet you’ll be grounded for starters.”

“Sure, Mom, whatever.” Maya wove her way to the stairs and managed to navigate them on legs that were probably steadier than her mother’s. “G’night.”

“’Night, baby,” she murmured, wishing her daughter was in fact a baby again. So Becca could keep her safe from harm.

RICK THOUGHT he might just expire on the spot. His lungs burned, his muscles screamed in protest, and sweat nearly blinded him.

But he would not give up.

He lunged for the shot and managed to return it cleanly.

David loped a few steps and sent it zinging back with awesome power.

Rick raised his racket in self-defense, sending a low ball to the corner. It took a wicked hop.

David cursed as he lunged, missing the ball by a hairbreadth.

“I win.” Rick hoped the kid couldn’t hear him wheeze. Man, he was getting too old to compete with the young guys.

“Lucky shot, old man.” David slapped him on the back.




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