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Baby Miracle In The Er
Sue MacKay


Will love pass by them again?Or can a baby give them a second chance?When her ex, sexy doc Michael Laing, revealed he didn’t do commitment, it broke paramedic Steph’s heart. Two years later she’s back in town and thinks she’s moved on—until she meets Michael in the ER and their chemistry is as hot as ever! Both are wary of getting burned again, but a little miracle is about to bind them together for ever…







Will love pass them by again?

Or can a baby give them a second chance?

When paramedic Steph’s ex, sexy doc Michael Laing, revealed he doesn’t do commitment, it broke her heart. Two years later, she’s back in town having thought she’d moved on, until she meets Michael in the ER—and their chemistry is as hot as ever! Both are wary of getting burned again, but a little miracle is about to bind them together forever...


SUE MACKAY lives with her husband in New Zealand’s beautiful Marlborough Sounds, with the water on her doorstep and the birds and the trees at her back door. It is the perfect setting to indulge her passions of entertaining friends by cooking them sumptuous meals, drinking fabulous wine, going for hill walks or kayaking around the bay—and, of course, writing stories.


Also by Sue MacKay (#u85e6e138-1518-536f-8ba7-c988e5e10359)

Midwife…to Mum!

Reunited…in Paris!

A December to Remember

Breaking All Their Rules

Dr White’s Baby Wish

The Army Doc’s Baby Bombshell

Resisting Her Army Doc Rival

Pregnant with the Boss’s Baby

Falling for Her Fake Fiancé

Her New Year Baby Surprise

Discover more at millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk).


Baby Miracle in the ER

Sue MacKay






www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)


ISBN: 978-1-474-07512-1

BABY MIRACLE IN THE ER

© 2018 Sue MacKay

Published in Great Britain 2018

by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF

All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental.

By payment of the required fees, you are granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right and licence to download and install this e-book on your personal computer, tablet computer, smart phone or other electronic reading device only (each a “Licensed Device”) and to access, display and read the text of this e-book on-screen on your Licensed Device. Except to the extent any of these acts shall be permitted pursuant to any mandatory provision of applicable law but no further, no part of this e-book or its text or images may be reproduced, transmitted, distributed, translated, converted or adapted for use on another file format, communicated to the public, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of publisher.

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www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)


Writing is a lonely occupation, and yet we as authors cannot do it alone.

Baby Miracle in the ER is the twenty-fifth Mills & Boon book I have written for the Medical Romance series, and it’s dedicated to the people who helped me along the way. Number one—my husband. He has been unfailing in his support through the good and bad times. More dedications to my family, my dearest friends, the Blenheim Writers Group and my writing friends. Thank you all so much for being there for me.


Contents

Cover (#ud469a537-d7e5-5f5a-a7f9-e02ca010362e)

Back Cover Text (#ue2bf28ed-69ac-5e1c-98a0-21c9acc1efa2)

About the Author (#uf576f9d4-554f-55fd-a009-e8d1c53c7369)

Booklist (#u49f157fa-678d-52b0-9002-687866f0e3c6)

Title Page (#u88b9e5e9-8101-5845-b40b-b89d2f50f51b)

Copyright (#ubdab56a2-d0cb-53c8-a37f-eb80166a98af)

Dedication (#ue443b4a6-86bc-519f-8d9a-7cf7207dff1a)

CHAPTER ONE (#u8f1ea5ca-09a7-54ca-8037-8de663a6336b)

CHAPTER TWO (#u43bc49bf-347f-5778-a37f-ac4842df71c7)

CHAPTER THREE (#u8a25e791-4eae-5aaf-869f-e6d6b3f25286)

CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)

EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)

Extract (#litres_trial_promo)

About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)


CHAPTER ONE (#u85e6e138-1518-536f-8ba7-c988e5e10359)

‘AHHH!’ TEARS STREAMED DOWN the pregnant woman’s face while fear glared out at paramedic Stephanie Roberts. ‘It can’t be a contraction!’

No, please not that.

Steph pushed her elbows into her sides to control a shudder. The baby was ten weeks too early, according to the garbled comments the woman’s work colleague had uttered as she and Kath, her crew partner, had loaded their patient into the ambulance.

Steph’s heart grew heavy as the woman’s grip on her hand tightened unbearably. ‘Melanie, I want you to breathe deeply and try to stay calm.’

‘Stay calm? When I’m losing my babies again. Tell me how to do that.’ Her voice rose on every word until she was practically screaming. ‘It’s not fair.’

I will do everything I possibly can to prevent that outcome.

Using her free hand to wipe her patient’s forehead, Steph read the heart monitor. All surprisingly normal there.

‘Babies? You’re having twins?’ That would explain the early contraction. Twins often didn’t go the distance in utero, but this early was not good.

‘Yes!’ Melanie huffed. ‘We had IVF.’ Another huff. ‘For the third time.’

That grip on Steph’s hand would break something any second now.

It was nothing compared to the ache in Steph’s heart, though. Having to undergo IVF in the first place came with a load of unbearable pain and stress. Losing the resultant baby or babies would be beyond description. She herself hadn’t got that far, but it had been bad enough—and the consequences even worse. This woman was facing her third round of unbelievable heartbreak if these babies weren’t saved.

Stephanie couldn’t comprehend that—not even with her own experience of being unable to have children.

‘If it’s okay, I’m going to examine you. We need to know what’s going on.’

Maybe there was some miracle floating around that would mean the pain was just a stomach ache. Not that Steph was into miracles. There hadn’t been any going spare when she’d needed one, but Melanie might be luckier.

‘My back’s been aching all morning, my waters broke, and now I’ve had a contraction. I know what that means.’

The woman’s teeth dug so deep into her lip Steph looked for blood. None. Yet.

‘Except I want to deny it so that it isn’t true.’

She doesn’t want me confirming what she suspects. I totally get that. But I’m a paramedic, not a counsellor.

Tugging her hand free, Steph moved along the stretcher and gently lifted her patient’s skirt and lowered her panties. Dilation had begun. She bit back a curse. They weren’t carrying one incubator, let alone two.

Now what? These twins had to be saved. They just had to be. Somehow.

Tucking the clothing back in place, Steph stepped to the front of the ambulance, where Kath was focusing on the road, and spoke quietly and urgently. ‘We haven’t got time to go to Auckland Women’s. Those babies are intent on making an entrance and I doubt they’re going to take their time about it. Head to Auckland Central Hospital as fast as you’re allowed.’

Actually, faster than they were allowed—irresponsible or not. But of course Kath wouldn’t do that. And nor would Steph if she were behind the wheel. Or perhaps she might, knowing what their patient was facing. The speed limit was there for a good reason, but sometimes rules were made to be broken.

‘I’ll let Central ED know the situation.’ Kath reached for the radio handpiece while simultaneously pressing the accelerator a little harder. ‘Sorry I handed you this one.’

Not half as sorry as I am.

‘It’s fine.’ Steph’s heart lurched as she returned to their patient. Life could be so horribly cruel. ‘Has your husband been told what’s happening?’

‘Someone at work rang him. He’s going to meet us at the hospital.’

‘Then we need to let him know where we’re taking you. Where’s your phone?’

‘You just said we’re going to Auckland Central, but my specialist said I have to go to National Women’s if anything goes wrong.’

Those terrified eyes widened, glittering with unshed tears, and Melanie’s chest rose and fell, rose and fell.

‘There isn’t time. I get it.’ The fear became agony. ‘Why do we keep trying? Why are we putting ourselves through this when it never goes right for us? What have I ever done to deserve this? I only want a baby. People have them all the time—easy.’

Steph reached for her hand, let Melanie hold tight; too bad if her metatarsals were fractured. Apart from taking obs and willing the ambulance to go faster there wasn’t much else she could do. She certainly couldn’t soften the truth; because she pretty much knew what her patient was going through.

‘Please don’t do this to yourself.’

As if the woman could stop.

If the outcome wasn’t good, those questions would haunt Melanie for months, even years to come. But Steph would make sure that didn’t happen. There was no room for things going wrong. Not this time—not today.

‘Concentrate on breathing normally so you’re not agitating your babies. I know it’s hard, but we have to try.’

‘You think breathing is going to save my babies?’

The eye-roll didn’t quite come off but hurt still stabbed Steph under the ribs.

Because she couldn’t save the babies if they persisted in coming out into the world before reaching the emergency department. That would take a team of gynaecologists and neonatal specialists and a room full of specialised equipment and—oh, look, none of those were on board right now.

And because... Yeah, well. Because some things were never forgotten. No matter how hard she tried, how much she turned her life upside down and all around, Steph understood some of this woman’s anguish too well.

‘Mark’s going to be devastated.’ Melanie gulped.

Concentrate.

‘Your husband?’ she asked softly around the lump of sadness building in her throat. Sadness for Melanie or herself? Both?

‘Yes.’

‘Want me to call him?’

Someone had to let him know their new destination and that his wife was struggling at the moment. Not that Steph wanted to be the one to break his heart, but it seemed he was a stayer—had hung around after the first time this had happened. And the second. Chances were he’d do the same again. Melanie mightn’t understand but there was some luck on her side.

‘Would you?’ Melanie tapped her screen and handed the phone over, her teeth nibbling at her lip.

Right, get this done. Tap the phone icon, listen to the ringing, ignore the thumping in your chest. Get it finished, then focus on making this ride as comfortable as possible.

Kind of impossible, given the circumstances, but she’d do all she could to—

‘Ahhh!’ Her patient’s hands clenched and strain tightened her face.

‘Don’t push, whatever you do.’

Easy said...

Shoving the phone aside, Steph moved to re-examine the woman’s cervix. And cursed under her breath. These babies had an agenda of their own and no one, especially their mother, was about to deflect them. What if the babies popped out before they arrived at the hospital? What could she do to keep their chances of survival alive?

Think, girl, think.

The CPAP for breathing. Blankets for warmth. She could only hope they’d get to ED before any of that was needed.

Another contraction was tightening Melanie’s belly. ‘I can’t do this.’

‘We’re doing it together.’ Steph reached for a chilled hand, squeezed gently before once again examining her patient—and not liking what she was seeing.

Straightening up, she reached for the nitrous oxide. ‘Suck on that next time you have a contraction.’

‘I’m such a failure.’

‘Hey, don’t beat yourself up. Right now we’ve got two babies to think about and how best to increase their chances. So, are you up to sucking on that gas when required?’

A sharp nod.

Steph didn’t have time for any more chit-chat. The baby that had been crowning when she’d last looked was now about to slip out into the world.

Preparing for the birth by strategically placing the Continuous Positive Airway Pressure instrument nearby, and soft, light blankets ready to receive the precious bundle, she held her breath and watched and waited for the inevitable.

The blue of her gloves was a sharp contrast to the pale skin on Melanie’s thighs. It seemed impersonal to be welcoming a newborn into the world with a pair of vinyl-covered hands, but it was safer, and this little tot would need all the protection from infections and bugs it was humanly possible to achieve. It had to survive, and survive well.

Melanie tensed. ‘Here we go again,’ she forced out through gritted teeth.

‘You’re doing fine.’

No point telling her otherwise. Baby was coming, ready or not. OMG. So tiny and vulnerable. And blue.

Steph worked fast but carefully, knew nothing but that she was trying to save the tiniest boy she’d ever laid eyes upon.

Why hadn’t she trained as a paediatrician instead of a nurse?

A tap on her shoulder didn’t stop her.

‘We’ve got this.’ A male command. ‘Fill me in fast.’

A quick sideways glance showed a man in scrubs. A further look around and she gasped with relief. The ambulance had stopped, the doors were open and emergency staff were crowding in.

‘First baby arrived...’ she glanced at her watch ‘...three minutes ago. There’s another coming. They’re ten weeks early.’

She rattled off details and obs, handing over the baby to another scrubbed-up doctor, who immediately began working on the infant.

Suddenly she was redundant. That relief expanded. Those babies weren’t relying on her and now had a fighting chance. Fingers crossed. She’d given her all, but was it enough?

Squeezing through to the front of the ambulance to avoid the crowd of medical staff at the rear, she hopped out through Kath’s door and stood out of the way, watching as the experts delivered the second baby. At least this wee lad went straight into an incubator. The first baby had already disappeared amidst gowned, masked staff with one purpose in their minds—to save his life.

Steph’s chest ached where her heart thumped. These babies had to make it. No other outcome was acceptable.

‘Can you unload the stretcher for us?’ someone asked.

Instantly Steph was at the back of the ambulance, unlocking the wheels as Kath took the weight to roll the stretcher out.

‘Here we go,’ she warned Melanie, who was looking all hollowed out, her face sunken, her eyes glittering with tears, hands limp on her less rotund stomach.

‘Are they—?’

‘Yes,’ Kath said firmly.

Please, please live, Steph begged the babies. Your mum needs you.

Once Melanie had been transferred to a bed Steph leaned close. ‘I’ll be thinking about you. Hang in there and all the best.’

Then she made herself scarce, not looking around the department where she’d worked until two years ago, not wanting those memories on top of what had gone down today.

Her knees were wobbly. Her head thumped. And, damn it, her eyes were tearing up. Quite the professional.

Around the corner, out of everyone’s way and sight, Stephanie stopped to lean her forehead against the cold wall and clasped her hands together on top of her head, her eyes squeezed shut in an attempt to halt the threatening waterfall.

Her first day working as a paramedic in Auckland and history had slapped her around the head. Her one attempt at IVF five years ago had failed and her husband had refused to try again, saying it was a waste of time when the doctors couldn’t find any reason for her infertility.

No problems in his department, apparently. And no relief for her empty arms that longed to hold her own baby. It had hit her hard today. Much harsher than it had in a while. She guessed that was what happened when she returned home to where it had all happened.

‘Stephanie? Is that you?’

The deep, throaty voice spun her name into unwelcome heated memories and warmed her skin to knock sideways the chill that had taken over in the ambulance.

Michael.Don’t move.

It might be that she’d imagined him. Anything was possible today.

‘Hello,’ he said. ‘Welcome back. You’ve been missed around here.’

The air swirled around her, touching down on the exposed skin of her face, her neck, her hands. A shape lined up beside her. A peek to the right and there was no doubt about it. Her imagination had not been playing games. She wasn’t sure if that was good. Or bad.

Dr Michael Laing’s shoulders and back rested against the wall, those legs that went on for ever were crossed at the ankles and his hands—oh, yeah, she remembered those hands as much as his lips—were jammed into the pockets of his crumpled scrubs. Just as she remembered him—utterly gorgeous, with that never quite styled hair falling over his forehead in soft curls.

When he said, ‘Still as quiet as ever,’ she shivered.

She wasn’t ready for this—not after those babies arriving in her unprepared hands. ‘Hi.’

Now leave me to pull myself together.

Right then her nose ran and she had to sniff.

He dug into a back pocket, held a handkerchief out. ‘Here, use this. I promise it’s clean.’

Did he have to sound exactly the same? Couldn’t he have grown a polyp in his throat? Or permanently lost his voice from too much shouting at the sidelines of a rugby game?

‘Those babies got to you, didn’t they? They would have got me too if I’d been there. Stephanie...’ He paused, gentled his voice. ‘They’re in expert hands, and everyone in PICU will be working their butts off to save them.’

Pushing away from the wall, she eyeballed him. Nearly choked on a sudden inhalation of air. Michael. That open, friendly face, those intense azure eyes still with the thin layer of need he’d hate to be recognised, that tempting mouth...

‘I know. Sorry for being a goof.’

‘Hardly. You’re human.’

His smile was warm. Tentative?

She blew her nose, gave herself breathing space. ‘I’m fine. Really.’

I was until twenty seconds ago. Liar.

She hadn’t been right since she realised her patient’s IVF babies were coming far too early.

His gaze was caring. Oh, how she remembered that caring. It was his middle name.

‘My thoughts exactly. Just having a bit of a kip against the wall. I get it. It’s how I cope with a crisis too.’

Uh-uh. Not so. Her memory was excellent. This man dealt with harrowing issues by striding out for hours, those long legs chewing up kilometre after kilometre as he went over and over whatever was eating him up. Her leg muscles had ached for days after she’d stuck with him for nearly three hours, charging along the city waterfront, listening as he worked his way through grief and anger one particularly dark day.

‘I haven’t suffered a crisis.’

Not much.

So why were her knees feeling like over-oiled hinges?

His mouth quirked in a funny, heart-slowing way. ‘You used to be embarrassingly honest.’

As in, I feel something for you, Michael and would love to continue seeing you, honest?

But unlike that day, when he’d intoned in a flat voice that he wasn’t interested, now there was a friendly warmth in his voice that touched her deeply. Made her feel vulnerable as the longing to tell him everything cascaded through her.

Tightening her knees, lifting her chin, stuffing that need way down in a dark place, she went with a different truth. ‘I’m gutted that I couldn’t stop those babies coming.’ Even though she was not a doctor. ‘They’re far too early.’

His elbow nudged her lightly. ‘No one would’ve been able to do that, Stephanie. Please stop beating yourself up. You don’t deserve it.’

Seemed he cared that she got this right—which, if she wasn’t prudent, could make falling into those eyes too easy, could make leaving today behind for a while effortless.

Some of the frost that had been enveloping her heart for so long melted. ‘That doesn’t stop me wishing I could’ve.’

His eyes lightened as he looked her over with that smile lingering at the corners of his mouth, offering her support when she most definitely hadn’t asked for it. Not that she didn’t want to ask, but laying her heart out for him to see when she was messed up over those babies would not be her greatest move.

Time to go back to base and hopefully a straightforward call-out to someone who thought they were having a heart attack but in reality had indigestion. Whoever it was would get all the care Steph was capable of before being handed over to the ED staff. And at least then she wouldn’t feel as though the ground had been cut from under her.

‘Kath’s full of praise for you. Says you were awesome.’ Michael held her gaze. ‘Hold on to that thought. Stop punishing yourself. It’s not your fault your patient was well on the way to going into full labour by the time you picked her up. There wasn’t another thing you could’ve done.’

Ping. Her lips lifted of their own volition. ‘Back at me, huh?’

Her words of wisdom from years ago weren’t so easy to accept when they came from the opposite direction.

‘Only because you were right.’

He hadn’t thought so at the time—had said she didn’t know what she was talking about, didn’t understand his grief over losing that little boy.

‘Being a paramedic seems harder because the buck stops with us until we get to an emergency department. I never felt alone when I was working in here, or so responsible for someone else.’

So gutted when the situation turned to custard. The odds on one, let alone both those babies surviving were long. A shudder rocked her and she wrapped her arms around herself.

‘Yet even in here you fought tooth and nail for your patients, no matter who else was around.’

His words were a balm, a gentle caress of understanding, and she needed that.

Steph wrestled with the urge to lean in against that expansive chest, tightening her hands into fists, rocking on her toes, flattening her mouth, staying away.

This was Michael—the man she’d worked with, laughed and joked with, shared one intense night with while they’d walked and talked for hours about a wee boy who’d died under his care. A night that had ended in making love for hours and which had led to more nights of wonder until—ping!—it was over. Gone in a quiet conversation about responsibilities and life and not getting involved.

He was one of the reasons she’d scarpered out of town and away from the job she’d loved, leaving her family and friends, renting out her house, to head to Queenstown where she knew no one. One of the reasons. Another of those reasons had also raised its sorry head today. Obviously a day for reliving the past. Great—just when she was starting over. Again.

There’d been a lot of starting over during the last two years. Which might explain this sinking sadness pulling at her. As if she was being tested to see if this was what she really wanted.

Yes, she did. As she had every other move. And every time the excitement and certainty had run its course and left her confused and a little more lost. But this time she was back home where she belonged for good. This was where her family was, her best friend, her past: the good and the ugly. It had to work out or she had no idea what else to do with herself. She had to accept once and for all that she would never have her own baby.

‘Ready to go, Steph?’ Kath appeared in her line of sight.

‘More than.’ She almost choked on the words. The need to be busy doing something—anything—was beginning to suffocate her. ‘Good to see you again, Michael.’

She acknowledged the man beside her, ignored the disappointment filling his eyes, and headed to the ambulance bay without a backward glance. The only safe way to go. She’d got that first meeting out of the way—now she could move forward, box ticked. But first she needed to pull herself together and look the part of a happy woman tearing through life like there was no tomorrow.

* * *

Michael stared after Stephanie, absorbing the protectiveness he’d felt for her the moment he’d laid eyes on her, wanting to banish whatever had caused all that hurting going on, knowing he couldn’t unless he was prepared to let her close.

Stephanie Roberts really was back in town. Rumour had warned him—reality frightened him. He’d been prepared as much as possible to see her, had been ready to say Hi, how’s things? and get on with his day. He hadn’t been expecting the slam of recognition from his body at the sight of her, the intense longing for her to be at his side, with him throughout...everything.

What he wanted now was to wipe away that pain, bring on a smile full of warmth—not that tight I-am-not-hiding-anything grimace that actually hid nothing. Forget staying uninvolved. At least until she was smiling again.

What’s wrong, Steph? What happened to throw you against that wall like you couldn’t stand up by yourself?

He knew her as a strong woman who didn’t buckle easily. Or so he’d believed. Something had undermined that strength today.

His jaw clenched. Tension rippled through his muscles. Did her mouth still tip up higher on the left side when she gave a genuine, big-hearted smile? He’d thought he’d conquered those sweet memories of how he wanted to sing and dance when she smiled. Of how her toffee eyes were easier to read than a toddler’s book. Of how calm he felt around her.

She’d never asked anything of him—except to go to a football match with her which, when interpreted, had meant have a future together. That had scared the pants off him and had had him hauling on the brakes fast. Getting in too deep hadn’t been an option. He hadn’t been able to give her the certainty she deserved, the ‘for ever’ she wanted.

Yet five minutes standing beside her, worrying about what was wrong, and it was as though the mantra he lived by had vamoosed.

He shook his hands, flexed his fingers, worked the tension out of his gut. There hadn’t been a lot of ease between him and Stephanie just now. Nor a lot of smiling. Stephanie’s eyes, laden with sadness—or was that despair?—and the colour draining from her cheeks had been like a rugby tackle around his knees.

Had she made the wrong choice when she’d swapped scrubs for a paramedic’s uniform and that was what was getting to her? No, there was depth to that sadness—close to deep pain. That didn’t come from changing jobs...not even for dedicated Stephanie.

Why aren’t you back here working with me, Stephanie? Us? When did you cut off all that long, thick blonde hair?

‘How’ve you been? Really?’ he asked her shadow as she turned the corner into the ambulance bay.

He’d missed her.

Not that he was admitting it. No way in hell.

A recollection of gremlins haunting her on bad days nagged at him. Shame he couldn’t recall the story of what had gone down in her life before he’d joined the department. He had an aversion to rumours and liked facts. And today the key to all this was there, swinging just out of reach. To catch it he had to follow up on today and track her down for a catch-up.

Or he could wait, since they’d be bumping into each regularly if she was operating out of the local St John base. So, no catch-up needed—which meant he could dodge a bullet.

They’d worked well together, had been friendly, and apart from those intoxicating two weeks had had little to do with each other outside of the ED. Best it was left like that. She’d handed in her notice a fortnight after they’d split and he’d felt uneasy ever since. As though he’d lost the one chance of real happiness he’d had because he hadn’t been prepared to put the past behind him and take a stand.

‘Shouldn’t you be knocking off?’ James, head of the next shift, nudged him. ‘Unless you’ve got nothing better to do than hang around staring after Stephanie Roberts—which surprises me.’

Why? Any man with blood in his veins would be doing the same—which kind of said James had ink in his. Something to be grateful for.

‘I’m on my way.’

Not that he had anything planned for the night. Doing his washing didn’t count, and getting some groceries would take care of all of twenty minutes. Both his close mates were tied up with babies and wives and apparent domestic bliss. Lucky guys.

It’s all yours for the taking if you want it.

He didn’t. One divorce was one too many on his life CV. Besides, there were already more than enough complications going down outside of work that left no time for him to care about anyone else. But...

The word was drawn out. But sometimes he wished he was going home to someone special—someone to love and be loved by with no qualification. Instantly Stephanie came to mind.

Jerking his head up, he snapped at James, ‘Have a busy night. Catch you tomorrow.’

Immediately he felt a heel. If this was what briefly seeing Stephanie did then he couldn’t manage spending any more time with her. He’d be a wreck within hours.

Charging through the department to his locker as if he had the ball and was being chased by the opposition forward pack, he snatched up his jacket and the keys to his motorbike. A spin over the harbour bridge in the chill winter air might cool his brain and freeze Stephanie out. And if it didn’t? Then he was in for a long night.

Once upon a time Monday nights meant drinks with the guys after rugby practice at the clubroom. Now it tended to be pizza delivery and catching up on emails and other scintillating stuff at home. Of course he got an earful of noise from his mates for being the only one still single. Jock and Max could never leave him to get on with his perfectly ordered life. They loved getting in his face about it too much.

The idea of pizza didn’t excite him today. Truth? It had stopped being exciting after the fourth Monday in a row—about two years back. But he wasn’t being picky if the alternative meant cooking something. Though the steak in his fridge would make a tasty change... Nah. Then there’d be dishes to do.

‘I see Steph’s become a paramedic.’

James was still with him, digging into his locker as well, apparently in the mood for talking.

‘Wonder why she’s gone to the other side?’

Michael hoped it wasn’t because she couldn’t work with him any more. But that was more likely his ego getting in the way of common sense. Whatever the reason, he should be glad she hadn’t returned to this department as a nurse, despite his wishing she had.

Working together was not an option when she tipped him off his pedestal too easily.

‘Crewing ambulances isn’t too far removed from the emergency department. Still the same patients, the same urgency and caring.’

The same sadness when something went belly-up. Could it just be that she was insecure about her ability? He wasn’t accepting that. Not from Stephanie Roberts.

‘But she was made to be an ED nurse.’ James looked puzzled. ‘Then again, we haven’t seen her in a while, so who knows what’s gone down in her life recently?’

Nothing awful, he hoped.

‘She’s not the first to take a change in vocation. There are days I wish I’d stuck to my rugby career, though my body is eternally grateful I didn’t.’

His half-sisters hadn’t been so thrilled at the change either, when it had dawned on them that he had less time and money to sort their problems.

‘You were good enough for a full-time career?’

The stunned look on James’s face had Michael laughing—and swallowing an unexpected mouthful of nostalgia.

‘You’d better believe it. I played franchise rugby for over two years. I was out on the wing until a heavy knock resulting in a second moderate concussion had me thinking that if I wanted to be a doctor after the rugby inevitably came to an end then I needed to look out for my brain. So I handed in my boots.’

He hadn’t been able to afford the risk of not having all his faculties in working order when he’d had other responsibilities needing his undivided attention. His half-sisters were his priority—had been since the day his father had extracted his promise to be the man around the place and look after them and their mother when he was thirteen, and from the way things were going, always would be.

Chantelle, in particular, made big enough messes with her life. What she’d have done if anything had happened to him was anyone’s guess. One that he no longer thought about. Instead he’d just accepted his role to be there for both of them continuously, to save them whenever things went wrong—as they did far too often with Chantelle. Thankfully Carly seemed settled in her new life in England. Strange how she’d managed to sort herself out once he hadn’t been there to support her... Their mother had taken off overseas so there was no having her to sort out.

‘No regrets?’

He didn’t need this conversation, but he’d been short with James and wanted to negate anything bad.

‘Some—but there’d have been a lot more if I’d suffered serious head injuries.’ Playing such a physical sport always had its issues. ‘Quitting was the right call.’

At first he’d missed the team camaraderie and the thrill of winning a hard-fought-for game, but he still had his two closest mates and it hadn’t taken him long to get into his stride studying to become a doctor. He’d had plenty of practice helping his half-sisters out of the mischief and chaos they’d got into, so extending that help into a medical career where he dealt with vulnerable people daily—hourly—was natural. Which was why losing a patient despite giving everything he had in the tank always hurt.

Stephanie’s earlier sadness had twisted his gut. She’d know those babies would now be tucked into incubators with monitors attached to their tiny bodies while specialists worked their butts off to save them. Yet he suspected she still needed a shoulder to cry on, or a friend to walk it out with, talk it through with—except, being her, there probably wouldn’t be much talking.

What time did her shift finish?

Leave it alone. Stay uninvolved.

But he owed her. She’d been there for him when Jacob Brown had died in his hands. She’d listened without lecturing, she’d walked beside him as he dashed around the city for hours and had limped for days afterwards. She’d kissed him to the point when he didn’t know where he began and ended. She’d fallen into his bed as eagerly as he’d taken her there.

Definitely stay away.

It had been two years. She wouldn’t be the same woman. Must have another man in her life, in her bed by now.

Anger flared.

Down, boy. You have no rights here. You sent her packing.

If there was someone special he should be pleased. She’d be able to talk out what was bothering her tonight.

The anger only increased, and he felt his hands clenched at his sides, his abs drawn tight.

Go—ride over the bridge, head north for an hour. Turn off the brain. Then order pizza.

Man or no man in her life, Stephanie had family and friends here. He knew that much from the past. She’d be fine. Better off if it wasn’t him hanging around like a dog after a bone. He might make a mistake and touch her again. He still burned with the need to hug her that had floored him the moment he’d first seen her pressed up against the wall as though she could no longer hold herself together.

Hell. He had not given her what she needed. He’d let her go without a word. Without a hug. Without an honest-to-goodness Glad to see you and I want to help you smile. Just like last time.

Wise move for him.

Unkind and unfair on her.


CHAPTER TWO (#u85e6e138-1518-536f-8ba7-c988e5e10359)

STEPH SLIPPED INTO her jacket with a grateful sigh. The ambulance was restocked for the night crew. Six o’clock had clicked over on her watch. Definitely time to be someplace else.

Only that meant picking up something from the supermarket to take back to the house to heat and eat while watching the second instalment of the thriller she’d recorded last weekend.

A night on her own wasn’t appealing after the day she’d had. If only her brother and Jill weren’t away on their extended honeymoon she’d go and hassle them and talk about random stuff that had nothing to do with babies or Michael.

For a moment her mood lightened. She still struggled to get her head around her brother marrying her best friend. Their relationship was grounded in history and love. A lot of love.

Stepping outside, she gasped as cold, damp air dumped on her. The Italian summer she’d enjoyed last month seemed for ever ago. The zip on her jacket pinched her chin when she tugged it high. When had this drizzle started? It had been dry on their last call-out—but then it had been dark and she hadn’t been weather-watching.

‘Hi, Stephanie.’

Only one person called her Stephanie. Usually she didn’t like it, thought it too formal, but in that particular deep, husky voice it was more than okay. Or was that only because she was feeling so out of whack?

‘Michael.’

‘You’re done for the day?’

‘Yes, thank goodness.’

The need to be busy had long disappeared, leaving her drained and despondent. Glancing around the car park she saw him standing at the open driver’s door of a shiny hatchback—nothing like what she’d expected him to be driving. Too domestic. Did he still own a motorbike?

‘It’s been a long day.’

That was telling him too much. From deep inside, she dredged up a smile, denied the tightness those long legs and toned thighs filling his jeans created in her toes.

‘Have you been loitering around the ambulance station?’

‘Yep.’ He grinned cheekily. ‘I tried walking in but this place is like a fort.’

‘We can’t let in just anyone—especially doctors with nothing better to do with their time.’

What was Michael doing here? Surely he hadn’t stopped by to say hello to her?

‘Not sure if you know, but those babies are hanging in there, doing as well as can be expected. I phoned PICU as I was leaving for the day.’

He’d come to tell her that? Seriously? Mr Non-Involved had found out the most important news for her.

‘No one would tell me a thing because I’m not related. I was desperate to know how they were doing.’ Careful. ‘That’s fantastic.’ Definitely better than the alternative.

‘There are some advantages with my position.’

His grin was now a soft smile, winding around her like a cloud of kindness.

‘Want some company for a bit? Talk some? Up to you.’

Amazement stopped her feet from moving forward, stalled her brain. He’d offered that to the woman he’d once told he didn’t want anything more to do with outside of work? The man was still single. Or so she’d heard from one of the ED nurses. Not that she’d been asking...

Come on. He’s hot, popular and fun. There’s single, and then there’s single with a woman on his arm.

There’d always been a queue of women waiting for his attention. Gorgeous young women who could have babies. Not a thirty-two-year-old with a chip on her shoulder bigger than the crater on Mount Ruapehu, who hadn’t been able to conceive with her ex no matter how often they’d tried.

You promised to leave all this behind and start over when you returned home. One bad day doesn’t give you reason to go back on that.

Yeah, yeah.

‘I’ll take a rain-check.’

Wimp.

‘I need to get out of my uniform, then eat something.’ Now that her stomach had settled down to normal it was hinting that grub would be good.

‘If food’s what you’re wanting it’s pizza night.’

He wasn’t begging, nor pushing too hard. He was saying she was welcome to share a meal if she wanted. And talk if she needed.

That was not happening.

‘Pizza night? Because it’s Monday?’

Michael nodded and gave a wry smile. ‘Tuesday’s Thai.’

Steph couldn’t help it. She laughed. So much for keeping her distance. ‘Cooking not your thing?’

‘Always seems a bit pointless when it’s only for me.’

‘I can relate to that.’ Definitely still single.

He locked his eyes on her. ‘Well? Join me? You can jump in and I’ll call you a cab when you’re ready to go home.’

She hesitated. It was so tempting.

Oh, get real. You came home to face up to Michael, work him out of your system once and for ever. So start now.

While one half of her brain was raving the other side thought spending some downtime with this man might not be the wisest thing to do. Especially tonight, when her emotions were already ragged.

‘My car’s right here.’

The sporty little number had been her big indulgence the day she’d arrived back in town. All part of the statement she’d made about settling down for good. Every time she climbed into the car it was a reminder of that. Some days it made her happy. Today she wasn’t so sure she’d done the right thing.

‘Then follow me.’

She hadn’t forgotten where he lived. How could she with all those memories of what they’d got up to in his house?

Opening his car door, he paused. ‘I’m not going to pressure you into talking about something you’d prefer not to, Stephanie. Chilling out after something that obviously upset you today could be cathartic. That’s all.’

He was offering to do for her what she’d done for him when he’d been cut up over losing that little boy. Her chest squeezed painfully. Why not? He would do that for anyone, because he knew what they’d be feeling, thinking, wanting.

Anyone, Steph, not just you.

Which was why she answered with, ‘I’ll be right behind you.’

She could always take a wrong turn if she changed her mind in the next few minutes.

Except the pull of hot food that she didn’t have to prepare—meaning throw in the microwave—was hard to ignore. Her empty house would be cold. More than that, the idea of company for an hour or two was impossible to refuse. Especially Michael’s company.

A car turned into the parking lot, its headlights swishing across Michael’s car, showing what she’d been too busy focusing on him to notice. In the back was a child’s car seat with a small child strapped in to it—which explained the family wagon.

Was that why Michael had aborted their fling back when she’d fallen for him? He’d already had a woman in his life? The mother of his child?

Her stomach clenched. But he’d said no commitment and claimed he was happy on his own. Interesting. Confusing. And the end to the idea of sharing pizza.

‘Sorry—change of plan. I think you’ve already got enough people in your life without adding me to the mix.’

A frown appeared. Then he saw the direction her eyes had taken. ‘You haven’t met Aaron yet.’

‘Very smart of you.’

It could be Michael Junior, for all she cared. She wasn’t getting caught up in anything that involved another woman in his life—not even for some cathartic relaxation.

‘Best I head away.’

His sigh carried across the wet concrete. ‘Aaron’s my nephew. I’ve just picked him up from daycare. We often hang out together in my house when I’m not at work. We’d love some company.’ He stopped, his body more tense than it had been a moment ago. ‘Okay, I’d like your company.’

He sure knew how to ramp up the pressure.

Or was it that she didn’t know how to resist those friendly eyes filled with concern for her? Could it be that Michael was not quite as confident with women as he made himself out to be? Or was that just with her?

He hadn’t often taken advantage of that queue of willing women, she recalled. Then again, it had been a while since she’d seen him and anything could have happened to change him.

Stop overthinking things.

What harm would a couple of hours’ eating and chatting cause? It wasn’t as though she was signing up for life. No, she was getting over him for life.

‘Lead on.’

Her heart was safe, she assured herself. He’d already rejected her and they wouldn’t be going back over old ground.

Her sigh was long and slow. Getting over him had seemed straightforward when she’d left Auckland. She wasn’t falling for that trick this time. It was going to take time and patience and toughness—starting with spending time with him.

* * *

‘Bugsy’s gone!’ Aaron hollered at the top of his lungs.

How could such a small body create so much noise?

‘We’re nearly home, buddy. I’ll get him for you then.’ Michael took a quick look in the rearview mirror at the following headlights. Stephanie?

A streetlight shone on the red paintwork of the racy little number that she drove. Surprise lifted his mood. Gave him a warm, fuzzy moment. As if he needed a woman’s attention...

Stephanie isn’t just any woman.

Therein lay his problem. He helped others—did not expect the same in return. When he’d promised his father to look out for his half-sisters he’d believed his dad would love him more. Wrong. His father loved each of them—but not enough to stay around.

Likewise his ex-wife. She’d told him he’d failed her, hadn’t lived up to the promises he’d made on their wedding day. He still didn’t understand that—unless she’d meant he hadn’t been supposed to change careers and move away from the fame and glamour of rugby to a set of ugly scrubs.

‘I want Bugsy now!’

Ouch. His ears hurt. It used to be better when Aaron couldn’t talk.

‘Quieten down, buddy. I can’t reach him while I’m driving so you’ll have to wait.’

Reasoning with this lad was pointless, but he kept trying day in, day out, in the hope that eventually Aaron would start to understand that not everything would go his way all the time. Not that it helped when his half-sister immediately undid all his work by spoiling the kid rotten. It should be his role as uncle to spoil him, but someone had to be the sensible one in this family and it seemed the cap was made for him.

‘Bugsy! Bugsy! Bugsy!’

It would have been funny if the stuffed monkey’s name hadn’t got louder with each utterance and tiny feet hadn’t been pummelling the back of Michael’s seat.

He chose to ignore the outburst. They usually didn’t last long, and tonight he wasn’t in the mood for an argument that would go nowhere. Tonight he wanted to indulge himself for a change. To allow some ‘me’ time with Stephanie. Not that he intended anything more than catching up on what she’d been up to since heading to Queenstown—and maybe learning why she was now a paramedic and not doing the job she’d loved so much.

Turning into his wide drive, he held his breath. Released it when her car pulled up beside his. She hadn’t done a bunk. Which probably meant she was more upset than she realised.

He was under no illusions that she wanted to spend time talking about those babies and how lucky they’d been so far. But why had she been so distressed? He’d seen her deal with losing patients, young and old. Once he’d had to pull her away from giving CPR when there had been no chance of bringing their patient back to life. Yet he’d never seen that level of despair and pain in her eyes.

‘Bugsy!’ A solid kick in the back of his seat.

‘Aaron, that’s enough. We’re home now, and we’ve got a visitor. A nice lady you can say hello to.’

Lifting his nephew out of the seat, he had to hold tight as Aaron wriggled around to see who this stranger was. The lad loved people—knew no fear about approaching anyone. Only a good thing if the world was full of kind souls.

Stephanie flipped her key-lock and joined them, those slim legs and just right breasts filling her green and black uniform in ways the designers wouldn’t have planned on. Her gaze trolled the front of his massive house.

‘I’d forgotten how grand this place is. You did well getting your hands on it.’

Forget hands. It had taken a load of hard-earned money, and then some, but it had been worth every cent. Pride filled his chest. It was a very special house—one that had sucked him in the moment he’d seen it from this very spot. It was tucked neatly into a gentle slope, making the most of its location, while inside the floor-to-ceiling windows highlighted the view over Waitemata Harbour, and the deck was the best place in the world to sit and relax after an arduous day in the department.

‘I bought it when I quit rugby and began studying full-time. Figured it would be a good investment and there’d be no temptation to fritter away my money over the years until I started earning again.’

‘You played professionally—I remember. Why give up?’

Her gaze left the house to cruise his shoulders and chest, headed lower. To his thighs.

At least that was where he presumed her intense gaze was now fixed. Even if it was the concrete he stood on, his groin had tightened anyway. He cursed silently.

For the second time that day he explained. ‘Rugby wasn’t a career that’d take me into old age.’

The left side of her mouth lifted. His belly joined in on the tightening act.

‘Can I carry anything?’ she asked as he juggled Aaron and the bag of necessities that went everywhere his nephew did.

‘I’ve got it.’

‘You’re a dab hand at this,’ Steph quipped as he managed to unlock the front door and not drop child or bag. ‘Had lots of practice?’

There was more to that question than the obvious. ‘Only with this guy.’

That should stop any ideas she might be getting about him and any kids he might have.

The wind rustled the bushes and the drizzle got wetter. ‘Come inside before it starts bucketing down.’

‘I want Bugsy!’ Aaron cried.

Oh, hell.

When he should have been retrieving the toy he’d been focused on watching Stephanie clamber out of her car, noting those legs he had X-rated memories of and that perfectly rounded butt.

‘Bugsy!’

‘Hang on, buddy. I’ll get him in a minute.’ First he had to unload onto the entrance table.

‘Something I can do?’

‘There’s a stuffed monkey in the back of my car. Under my seat, I think.’

‘I’ll grab it.’

‘Thanks.’

Car tyres squealed on his driveway. Chantelle. And in a foul mood, judging by the flat mouth and glittering eyes. Stephanie was about to learn more about his private life than she’d ever wanted to know.

‘Michael, when are you going to stop interfering in my life?’

‘Mummy!’ Aaron wriggled out of his arms and trotted to Chantelle.

‘Hey, baby.’ Chantelle might be angry with him, but there was only love in her eyes when she swung her boy up into her arms. ‘How’s my darling?’

‘Chantelle, I want you to meet—’

The love dipped as she yelled, ‘I didn’t ask you to pick him up. So I’ll say it again. When are you going to stop interfering in my life?’

When you stop expecting me to... When you stand on your own two feet all the time.

‘They phoned from the daycare centre to say you hadn’t turned up and they couldn’t get hold of you.’

He held on to his own temper, knowing from experience that losing it wouldn’t help a thing—especially when Chantelle was in one of her rages. A quick glance across to Stephanie and his stomach curdled at her shocked expression.

‘Chantelle, can we—?’

‘That doesn’t mean you can charge in and take over. I got there before they closed. That’s all that matters,’ Chantelle ranted.

No mystery about where Aaron got his lungs from.

Michael closed his eyes, dug deep for composure—because right about now he was going to lose it, and that couldn’t happen. What sort of example would that set for Aaron? Plus, he most definitely did not want Stephanie seeing him getting angry.

‘Mike, you’ve got to stop taking charge all the time.’

The octave levels had dropped, and Chantelle was using ‘Mike’, meaning he was in for a lecture.

She began placing Aaron in the car seat in her own vehicle. ‘I’m a good mum. You’ve said so yourself. I hadn’t forgotten Aaron—I just got caught up with a tutor going over my last paper and time got away. It happens—and not just to me.’ She stabbed the car’s rooftop with a finger. ‘I never forgot about him, and I knew I had to get to the centre before six-thirty.’

He lived with the dread that his beautiful sister would start the slippery slide back into hell and this time take his nephew with her. But she had a point. She was an excellent mother and she didn’t neglect Aaron—she loved him to bits.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Yeah, yeah.’

The door slammed, and then she was belting herself into her seat and revving the engine. At least she had the sense to back out slowly, and her speed down the drive was careful. Just as it should be with a three-year-old on board.

Stephanie stared after the car as the tail-lights disappeared out of sight. ‘What just happened?’

‘You haven’t met my sister.’

Her eyes widened as she turned to look at him. ‘That was your sister?’ Disbelief echoed between them.

‘We’re not alike.’ At all. Same father—nothing much else to show a connection. Though that wasn’t true. They had the same colouring. The same wariness. Had learnt the hard way about sharing themselves with outsiders.

‘You okay that you’re not getting time with your nephew?’

‘I’m good. I’d better order that pizza.’

He didn’t move, suddenly exhausted. Watching out for his sister did that to him sometimes. He needed time out. Strange, but he knew Chantelle would be the first to tell him to go for it.

Stephanie was making him uncomfortable with her intense scrutiny. ‘I’ll take a rain-check. You look like you could do with some alone time.’

‘Can’t say I’m hungry any more. Sorry.’

Her hand gripped his arm. ‘Michael, it’s fine. Truly. We can catch up another time.’

‘Thanks for understanding.’

‘Who says I did?’

Her smile kicked him in the gut.

‘See you tomorrow.’

* * *

Steph slid into her car, clicked the belt in place, watching Michael standing there, waiting patiently for her to leave. Wanting her to leave.

Would he phone his sister and have it out with her? Or did this happen often enough that he’d let it wash over him? He didn’t look comfortable—had been tense from the moment that car had flown up the drive and Chantelle had leapt out. Talk about a human tornado...

Putting the gear in reverse, she started to back away. Hunger pangs hit her. The idea of something nuked made her wince. It wasn’t the way to look after herself. Was there a restaurant on the way home that’d do a takeaway for her?

Something banged lightly on her window. She braked and Michael appeared at her door.

‘Come inside. I invited you here and now I’m letting you go without feeding you.’

If she went inside with him his sister’s accusations would follow them, hold them back from relaxing over easy conversation.

‘Not tonight.’

But they both needed to eat. An idea struck.

‘Get in. We’ll go for a beer and a meal at the pub round the corner.’

He’d say no. But the idea of sitting in a warm pub with lots of people to distract her was brilliant.

‘I’m headed there.’

‘I’m supposed to squeeze into this tiny thing you call a car?’

Turning her down was warring with interest in his eyes.

‘See it as a challenge.’

He never dodged one of those.

The passenger door opened.

‘My knees and ears are about to become best mates.’

She laughed. ‘Do you want to tip the seat back so you can lie down?’

Finally the last of the ball of tension in her stomach unravelled and she played the piano on the steering wheel until Michael got belted in. Spending time with him was exactly what she needed—not her empty, lonely house.

At the pub, with drinks in hand and fish and chips ordered, they found somewhere to sit away from the noise of people talking too loudly. It was good to get a load off her feet and lean back against the leather-covered wall of the booth.

‘Just what the doctor ordered.’ She sipped her beer.

Michael mimicked her. ‘Perfect.’

After glancing around the crowded room he came back to look at her.

‘Tell me about Queenstown. There’s so much to do outdoors—what did you try?’

Staying on safe subjects was good. ‘I learned to ski—or rather I started to. Falling off and twisting my ankle put me off that pursuit. Next I joined a tramping club and went on some amazing walks in the mountains—until a group of us had to sleep outside an overcrowded hut one night. Being woken by a huge possum crawling over my sleeping bag gave me the heebie-jeebies and I quit tramping.’ She shuddered. ‘Furry creepy beasts...coming right up to my head looking for food.’

‘Then you took up crochet?’

Michael’s smile sent her stomach into chaos. The fish and chips had better be a while away.

She choked on her laughter. ‘Might’ve been wiser than salmon fishing.’

He groaned. ‘What happened?’

‘I never learnt when to stay still, always went one step too far—and I fell in, filled my waders with freezing water straight from the mountains every time.’

‘Did you catch any salmon?’

She shook her head. ‘They were totally safe when I was around.’

‘I tried trout fishing in Taupo once. I’d rather be running around a rugby field.’

‘You miss it?’ It must’ve been hard for him to give up when he was still a rising star.

‘Yes and no. The body’s too old to take the knocks now. I like to win—don’t take coming second very well.’

That was what had lifted his game from good to exceptional, or so his coaches had said in one article she’d read online.

He drank down half his glass of beer. ‘It wasn’t easy, giving up a lifelong dream, especially when it seemed half the world was watching me.’

‘It was your choice?’

‘Yes, it was—and I don’t regret it.’

He must be strong to do that. At a young age the temptation to stay in the limelight would’ve been hard to ignore. She needed to follow his example as she got on with living back here. Days like today would occur occasionally, but she couldn’t let them decimate her. Her reaction to the birth of those twins had to be a one-off—anguish to be dealt with and put away. She needed to be strong, too.

A big, warm hand covered one of her smaller, chilled ones. ‘Tell me?’

He could see her thoughts? Probably not hard when her mouth wasn’t lifted in a smile any more, her hands had grown cold and her body had sagged forward.

‘I had IVF once.’

He didn’t look shocked, only sad for her. ‘You lost your baby?’

‘I didn’t get that far. Thank goodness. It was bad enough not conceiving with all the help available, but to get pregnant, feel your babies grow inside your belly and then lose them is beyond my comprehension.’

‘But you came close to understanding today?’

Oh, God. This wasn’t easy. Yet it felt good to tell Michael. She hadn’t talked about this to anyone since Freddy had left her.

‘I was probably way off the mark, but, yes, I hurt. For Melanie. For me. For those babies. Hers and the ones I can’t have.’

Michael was up and around the table, sliding in beside her, his arm around her shoulder bringing her close to his warm body.

‘You’re resilient. You might’ve had a wee moment in ED, but then you straightened up and got on with your job—saving others.’

It hadn’t been that easy, but she had found an inner strength. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered.

He pushed her glass towards her. ‘Were you married or in a relationship?’

‘Married for four years. Thought it was for ever. We both did. But the pressure of undergoing fertility treatment was hard...having it fail was much worse. We didn’t survive.’

Gulping at the beer, she thought back to Freddy and his tears the day he’d told her he couldn’t stay any longer, that he’d given all he had, his tank was empty.

‘I don’t blame Freddy for going. It was one of those mazes neither of us could find a way out of.’

Counselling might have worked, if Freddy had agreed to attend, but he’d refused. He was a man, and men didn’t do spilling their hearts to strangers. Not him, anyway. Not even for her, no matter how much she’d pleaded. Over was over, and he didn’t want to be with her any more.

‘He should’ve stuck to you like glue.’ Michael was tense against her, his voice fierce. ‘Not walked away when the going got tough.’

She pulled away from Michael’s arm, slid along the seat to put space between them. Staying curled against him was making her punch-drunk. His defence of her was wonderful, but it undermined her determination to go it alone in her quest to get her future sorted and never be rejected by anyone again. She’d promised herself she’d get over Michael when she returned home—not fall in love with him.

‘Freddy did the right thing for him, and ultimately for us. At first I hated him for going, but I’ve accepted the inevitability of it. If we couldn’t survive that, we weren’t as strong a couple as I believe couples should be.’

Their fish and chips arrived at that moment, and Stephanie didn’t miss the relief pouring through Michael. He didn’t have an answer to what she’d just said. Hell, she hadn’t even known that was what she thought until thirty seconds ago. It was all new to her, but it felt absolutely right.

Tapping her glass against his, she smiled. ‘Thanks for listening. I feel a lot better than I have at any time since picking up Melanie.’

Now she’d eat, and enjoy the fact that Michael had come out with her, before heading home to catch up on much needed sleep. Oh, and to tick another box—she’d found she might have the courage to stay put for ever this time.

She’d also told Michael about her infertility. So what? That wasn’t on her list, no, but at least there’d be no ugly surprises in the future if they did spend more time together. Which they weren’t going to do. Getting over him once and for all was the goal. The ultimate box to be ticked off.

But there was no denying he’d made her feel soft and warm when he’d got so uptight about Freddy. She didn’t need anyone guarding her back, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t kind of cool when Michael did it.


CHAPTER THREE (#u85e6e138-1518-536f-8ba7-c988e5e10359)

‘CARDIAC ARREST!’ STEPH YELLED through to the front. ‘I’m going to counter-shock.’

Waiting for Kath to pull over and stop, she checked the defibrillator that had been attached to their patient since they’d arrived at the factory where he worked as an electrician. She set it to start the moment Kath gave her the go-ahead.

‘Go!’ Kath called as she clambered through to join them.

‘Stand back.’ Steph punched the button on the machine.

Gavin Broad’s body jerked, then slumped.

Kath watched the flat line on the defib screen. ‘Negative.’

‘Stand back.’

Another electric current whacked the man.

‘We have a heartbeat. Erratic, but it’s there.’

Kath continued to read the printout while Steph took his respiratory rate.

‘Thank goodness for small miracles.’

Their man had mistakenly cut a live wire with clippers that hadn’t been insulated. His workmates had been quick to recognise that his heart had stopped and used the AED, but Gavin had arrested twice. A cardiologist was his best chance, and they weren’t far from Auckland Central’s ED.

Having to stop while applying the electric shock treatment was necessary for the patient’s safety as well as Kath’s and hers, but the delay sucked.

The ambulance lurched as Kath drove back out onto the road, sirens and lights going full blast. Steph focused on the heart monitor and on taking observations. This man was not going to die on her watch.

‘Gavin, we’re nearly at the hospital,’ she told him. ‘Then you’ll be in expert hands.’

Michael’s hands until the cardiologist arrived? He would pass up any case he was working on to take a stat one—unless another specialist was free already.

Her patient didn’t react, just kept breathing shallowly. Not good, but at least he was alive. A third shock would be drastic, but she’d do it if she had to.

The ambulance swung in a wide circle, started backing up.

‘We’re here?’

‘Yes, and we’ve got a reception committee waiting,’ Kath answered.

She’d parked and had the back doors open as quickly as Steph had the defibrillator attached to the gurney and the Patient Report Form ready for handover.

‘Who have we got?’

The question came from the man she’d been hoping to get a glimpse of.

‘Gavin Broad, thirty-five, arrested twice.’ Steph would’ve locked eyes with him, but he wasn’t playing that game. However, he did take the PRF she held out. ‘Initial failure due to a multiphase voltage event.’

With her at the head of the gurney and Kath at the other end they lowered it to the floor of the ambulance bay and rushed into the department. Urgency meant that the details would be gone through on the way.

‘He’s fortunate there was a defib on the premises.’

Michael strode beside the gurney. Even in ill-fitting scrubs there was no denying that magnificent body.

Not meant to be thinking like that.

Tell that to her hormones.

When he leaned towards their man to say, ‘Hello, Gavin, I’m Dr Laing,’ his broad shoulders filled her line of sight and stole the moisture from her mouth. They were wide, muscular, and she already knew how warm they could be.

Her hand tightened around the stretcher handle.

Don’t forget he doesn’t want a relationship with anybody.

Michael was talking to their patient as though Gavin was fully aware of everything. ‘We’re taking you into Resus, so we’re prepared if another event happens. A cardiologist is on her way down to see you as I speak.’

Straightening up, those mouth-drying shoulders tight, he looked directly ahead as they rushed into Resus. No quick looks in her direction today.

Last night, after they’d got past her revelations and started on the fish and chips, they’d shared light-hearted banter. Aware that she wasn’t getting over him in any way—more like getting more enamoured with him—she’d pulled the ‘got to get some sleep’ pin around eight-thirty and had ignored the slight widening of his eyes and tightening of his lips at the word ‘sleep’.

Sleep...bed. There wouldn’t be any sleep if they went to bed together. Not happening.

Today Michael was back to being the consummate professional, with no sideways glances in her direction, no acknowledging they’d had some down time together. Grrr. He was so good at that. What would rock him off balance?

Hello? How would that help with your need to get over him?

She had to try something, didn’t she?

‘Hear from Chantelle this morning?’

Michael looked down at the PRF in his hand. ‘Nope, but nothing unusual in that.’

Unless Chantelle needed Michael to do something for Aaron.

Steph could read between the lines as well as anyone. She also knew when she was being ignored. There was a paramedic beside him—not the woman he’d shared an evening with. He was right. This wasn’t the place for being disgruntled about his attitude. Except everyone around here usually took the time to be friendly, even if only with a sharp nod as they raced to save a patient.

In Resus, Steph took her place by Gavin and gripped the bedding, nodded to the other medical staff waiting. ‘One, two, three.’

Gavin was instantly surrounded with ED staff and the cardiologist who’d walked in right behind them. Steph detached the ambulance defibrillator so the Resus unit could come into play.

Michael was talking to the cardiologist as a junior doctor listened to Gavin’s heart through his stethoscope. Nurses were taking obs, attaching wires, monitors, and all the paraphernalia required to obtain the information to save Gavin if he went into arrest again.

She was no longer required. This wasn’t her domain any more.

Walking away was easy. She might have loved working in here, been right at home with all the cases, the staff, the urgency, but she had all that and more now as a paramedic. Racing to a scene, lights flashing, sirens screaming, had her heart pounding and the adrenalin flowing. There were cases like Melanie’s when she hated not having senior medical back-up, but those made her dig ever deeper to do all she could and more.

She began pushing the gurney out of Resus.

On Kath’s belt the radio spewed a volley of words, their tone calm but urgent. ‘Ambulance three, cyclist versus vehicle, intersection Grafton Road and Symonds Street.’

Kath answered. ‘Roger, base. Grafton Road and Symonds Street. ETA five.’

As Steph picked up her pace she glanced over her shoulder. Michael was watching her, but immediately dropped his eyes when he knew she’d seen him.

Okay. Not sure what that meant, and don’t have time to think about it. Shove the gurney in, click the wheel locks, slam the doors shut, buckle up and go.




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