The Returning Hero
The Returning Hero
Soraya Lane
You can't help who you fall for…Six months after her husband's death, Jamie knows she has to start living again. And when fellow soldier Brett Palmer turns up, Jamie knows it's fate. Brett is the only other person who can make her feel alive again.Brett swore he would protect Jamie, but being so close to her is driving him insane. So Brett does everything he can to fight their connection. Until the words slip out–he's always loved her. With a second chance staring them both in the face, there is no going back….
THE SOLDIERS’ HOMECOMING
Brett, Logan and Sam were best friends and three of the finest soldiers in the Australian SAS K9 division. But one day Sam was killed, tearing their friendship group apart and leaving Brett and Logan with memories that would haunt them for ever.
Now, back in Australia, Brett and Logan are adjusting to life outside the army. But they haven’t counted on two gorgeous, intriguing, captivating women who swan into their lives and present them with challenges they’ve never faced before!
Look out for
HER SOLDIER PROTECTOR Coming in April 2014
The
Returning Hero
Soraya Lane
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Writing for Mills & Boon
Cherish™ is truly a dream come true for SORAYA LANE. An avid reader and writer since her childhood, Soraya describes becoming a published author as ‘the best job in the world’ and hopes to be writing heart-warming, emotional romances for many years to come.
Soraya lives with her own real-life hero on a small farm in New Zealand, surrounded by animals and with an office overlooking a field where their horses graze.
For more information about Soraya and her upcoming releases visit her at her website, www.sorayalane.com, her blog, www.sorayalane.blogspot.com, or follow her at www.facebook.com/SorayaLaneAuthor.
For Hamish and Mackenzie.
I’m so fortunate that you both share my love of dogs!
In Dogs We Trust
The unofficial motto of the soldiers within the Explosive Detection Dog Service
Contents
CHAPTER ONE (#u928e3fcc-b9c7-5bca-9841-75edd436261f)
CHAPTER TWO (#u3a42a736-29df-5b5f-8d0e-2dc46206d6b7)
CHAPTER THREE (#uade8e05d-abe0-5bd9-b61c-3ad563f96473)
CHAPTER FOUR (#u31cf1a94-d89a-5a15-ac03-5b56f9f02128)
CHAPTER FIVE (#ub863223f-1b81-5266-a6a2-a5f047832cc3)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
EXCERPT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE
BRETT PALMER LEANED against the door of his vehicle. Visiting had seemed like a great idea before he’d left home, but now he was here...turning up unannounced wasn’t so easy. Perhaps if he’d planned what he was going to say, had a good reason for not touching base with her before now, but he’d just jumped in the car and decided to chance it.
He sucked back a big breath and forced himself to walk forward. He’d known Jamie Mattheson for years, so it wasn’t like she’d get a shock to see him, but still. It wasn’t as if he’d ever spent time with her on her own, either.
Brett swallowed the memories, refusing to go back in time, and jogged the last few steps to the front door. He knocked. No one answered. There wasn’t even so much as a shuffle from inside. Brett knocked again.
He could either get in his car and leave, or head around back to see if she was there. The sun was already out in full force, typical of Sydney at this time of year, and he had more than a hunch that she could be out in the garden.
Brett stepped back down and walked around the side of the house. It was looking nice, but then he knew Sam had painted the weatherboards before he’d left for their last tour, had made sure he’d done all the maintenance so Jamie had nothing to worry about while he was gone. He’d put money on it that she’d prefer the house to be falling down around her if it meant she could go back in time and have her husband back.
Brett pushed the side gate open and looked around the corner. There she was. Standing with her hands on her hips, like something was really frustrating her. Then he saw the something, sitting in front of her, alert, nose pointed in the air.
Bear. She had Sam’s dog. How the hell had she ended up with Bear so soon?
“Jamie,” he called out, not wanting to startle her but not wanting to be caught staring at her, either.
The dog had given up sitting patiently and was now barking and thundering toward him. He’d been his best mate’s dog, but right now he was protecting his new owner, and Brett wasn’t exactly game to take the massive canine on.
“Bear, it’s me,” he called out, as the black dog hurtled toward him. “Bear! It’s okay, boy.”
The dog slowed, still looking protective, but Brett was comfortable that he was no longer about to be attacked.
“Brett? What are you doing here?”
Jamie was suddenly rushing across the lawn to him, arms outstretched.
“Hey, sweetheart.” He held his own arms out, one eye on the dog, until she threw herself against him.
Brett held her tight, holding on to her like his life depended upon it. He’d been best man at their wedding, vacationed with them, had dinner at their house...and now he was comforting a widow.
“It’s so good to see you.” Jamie stepped back, but she held on to his hands, firmly, like she’d never let go.
Brett looked into her eyes, saw tears there that she was bravely holding in check. This woman had been his best friend’s wife, and he’d never, ever wanted to be in this position. He was just grateful that he hadn’t been the one to tell her the news when it had happened.
“You’ve got Bear.” He knew he was stating the obvious but he still couldn’t believe it.
He turned half his attention back to the dog, who was keeping a close eye on them.
“And I have no idea what to do with him,” she admitted, stepping back and letting go of Brett. Jamie had her hands back on her hips as she stared at the dog. “I’m doing my best, but he’s, I don’t know, smarter than me, I guess. We’re not communicating that well.”
Brett dropped to his haunches, eye level with the canine. “Hey, Bear. Remember me, bud?” The dog let out a low whine, looking up at Jamie then back to him again. “I know you do. Come here.”
Bear slowly walked over to him and sat down on Brett’s feet. He gave him a scratch, liking that the dog had accepted him. God only knew they’d spent enough time together when he was serving.
“I’ll teach you everything I can, Jamie. He’s a pretty special dog, but he’s used to certain commands and lots of them.”
She laughed. “Yeah, sometimes I wondered if Sam thought he was more special than me. Probably showed off photos of him to everyone and forgot all about his wife.”
Brett reached for her, took her hand again as he stood to full height. “You know that’s not true. You meant everything to Sam.” He chuckled. “To be honest, we all had to tell him to knock it off most of the time. He talked about you way too often.”
She laughed, gripping his hand tight. “You always were the charmer.”
He put his arm around her, needing to hold her, to show her how much he cared. “I miss him, Jamie. I miss him so bad that I can’t...” Brett blew out a breath, dropping his chin to the top of her head. “I just needed you to know that I’m here for you. It’s taken me a while, but I’m back now.”
Jamie looped her arm around his waist and steered them toward the house. “How about we have brunch?”
“Here?”
“Yeah, why not,” she said. “Besides, I haven’t had anyone to make pancakes for in a while.”
Brett signaled to the dog to follow them, and walked behind Jamie as she went into the house. She was dressed in a tiny pair of cut-off denim shorts and a loose-fitting T-shirt, and he wished she were covered up. She was his friend’s widow. She was beautiful. Her legs were so long and tanned.... He forced his eyes to the sky. Jamie was Sam’s wife. Just because he’d loved her from the moment he’d met her, thought she was the most caring, gorgeous woman he’d ever spent time with, didn’t mean it was okay to start giving in to his feelings now.
Sam had been gone only a little over six months. He’d been his best friend. And Jamie was his widow, he reminded himself again.
But deep down, Brett knew exactly why he’d put off coming for so long.
* * *
Jamie hadn’t stopped moving since they’d walked inside. She couldn’t. Because if she stopped even for a second, she’d either start crying or throw her arms around Brett and never let him go.
Having him here was unexpected, unusual, and yet exactly what she needed all at the same time. Since Sam had been gone, she’d had an emptiness inside of her that had ached every single day, but seeing Brett...? It was like the pain was finally easing. Because she could talk to Brett about her husband, really talk about him, and he made her feel like Sam could still walk through the front door, hassling Brett for chatting her up like he usually did. Jamie took a deep breath.
“Maple syrup?” she asked.
He laughed. “Yes, ma’am.”
Jamie flipped a pancake and turned around to look at the man seated at her counter. He looked like he always did—handsome and tanned—but there was something different about him now. Something she couldn’t pinpoint, except for maybe a hint of unhappiness that kept crossing his face, that made his smile never quite reach his eyes like it once had. There was so much she wanted to ask him, but she wanted to wait until the time was right.
“So tell me how you ended up with Bear?” Brett asked.
She smiled at the dog lying near her feet. He might be hard to communicate with, but he sure was loyal and she loved him for that.
“The detection dog unit contacted me, told me that he had to be retired after the accident, and they wanted to offer him to me first.” She shook her head, turning her attention back to her pancakes. “Sam loved him so much, so I couldn’t say no. And it is kind of nice having the company, even if we haven’t quite figured each other out yet. He’s only been here a few weeks because he had to be in quarantine for a while.”
She knew Brett had lost his dog in the same explosion that had killed her husband, that he probably wasn’t ready to go there yet, but...
“I know I should have come by sooner, Jamie, it’s just...” Brett’s voice trailed off.
Jamie held up her hand. It seemed like they were both struggling to find the right words. “No apology necessary. We just do what we have to do to cope, right?”
He nodded, looked grateful that he didn’t have to explain himself. Instead of asking him anything further, she flipped the last pancake and placed it in front of him, adding it to the stack.
“Looks good enough to eat,” he said, grinning as he poured syrup over them.
Jamie sat down beside him, reaching for the coffeepot she’d left just out of reach. It seemed right having Brett here, even if it was just the two of them, because being alone these last six months, she’d started to forget the person she was, the happy, easygoing person she’d always been. Brett was making her remember how nice it had always been to open their home to friends.
She chanced a quick glance at him, wishing she could resist but unable to. When they’d first met, Brett was dating another woman, and then when he was single she’d already been seeing Sam. His best friend. Just because they’d been attracted to one another before didn’t mean anything, she knew that, but she had a notion that she should be feeling guilty, shouldn’t feel so comfortable in his presence.
“Do you still have your house here?”
Jamie watched as he finished his mouthful before setting his fork back down on the plate. “I decided to put it on the market a while back, and it sold while I was deployed.”
“Oh.” She hadn’t known. “So where are you staying?” She’d been wanting to get in touch with him for months, had presumed he was away again, because he hadn’t even been able to make it back for Sam’s service.
“I’ve been at a recuperation clinic. My leg was burned pretty bad when the...” His sentence trailed off. “It’s kept me away for a while, then I traveled around for a bit to come to grips with everything, and I only just arrived in yesterday.”
She swallowed, taking a deep breath before she asked a question that needed to be voiced. “You’re staying in a hotel, aren’t you? You only came back here to see me.”
Brett looked guilty. “You were Sam’s wife. I could only stay away for so long. He’d want me to look out for you, Jamie. You know that. He even asked me as much.”
Unspoken words hung between them, words that would never be braved by either of them. Because before it had just been flirting. Now that Sam was gone... It was too soon for either of them, wasn’t something that could ever happen. But it didn’t mean she wanted Brett to leave, and it didn’t mean that he was here for any other reason than because he loved her for being Sam’s wife.
“I want you to know that I’m here, no matter what you need, okay?”
Jamie stared at him, raised one eyebrow as she looked into his eyes. “You really want to be here for me? To help me?”
He nodded. “Of course.”
“Then help me with Bear,” she said. “Turn me into a worthy owner of the dog who meant the world to my husband.”
Brett was playing with his fork, looking at the half-eaten breakfast on his plate.
“You’re sure you want me hanging around?” he asked. “I mean, you don’t have to say that just because...”
Jamie reached for his hand, squeezed it and stared straight into Brett’s eyes. “You weren’t just his friend, you were mine, too,” she confessed. “I’ve missed you guys—you, Sam and Logan. I miss you all. I didn’t just lose my husband, I lost having you two here all the time, too.”
Brett grunted. “Bet Logan’s been better at staying in touch.”
She shook her head. “He’s phoned me a couple of times, but I haven’t seen him, either. It’s been—” Jamie shrugged “—weird. But he did say he was back in town soon, so maybe he’s back now?”
Brett looked surprised, but she didn’t say anything. He went back to eating his pancakes and so did she.
“Well, if you need help with Bear, I’m here,” he said. “How about we start with a few basics today, and I’ll come past tomorrow and we can take him out to a park or something.”
Jamie stood up to clear their plates. “That sounds like a good plan,” she told him.
A niggle in her mind was telling her she should have asked Brett to stay, that her husband would have been horrified that his best buddy was paying to stay at a hotel, but she wasn’t ready for that. Wasn’t ready for a man to be sleeping in her home, under her roof—a man who wasn’t her husband, even if she did hate being on her own at night. Being alone...it took her back to her childhood, brought the ice-cold fear back, and she hated that as much as the reality of waking up without Sam beside her.
And if she were honest with herself, she was feeling nervous about being with Brett too much, just the two of them. They’d always flirted, it was just how he’d always been with her, but back then she’d also been in love with her husband, which meant their joking had always been nothing more than fun. Now?
She just had to take one day at a time. Having Brett here was better than being on her own, and she knew it was what Sam would have wanted. Even if she was having feelings about Brett that he wouldn’t approve of.
CHAPTER TWO
BRETT DIDN’T KNOW what he’d expected, but being with Jamie was...different. He always knew it wasn’t going to be the same without Sam, and he was pleased he was here, but it didn’t make it easy.
Thank God they had Bear to deal with. He would have felt weird coming over again without a good reason, without a purpose to help her.
“So did Sam ever teach you any of his commands?”
Jamie shook her head. He could tell she loved the dog, and it looked as if the canine reciprocated—the trouble was plain simple communication. Bear was sitting faithfully beside Jamie, and her hand had fallen to the top of his head, which told him that there was no reason they weren’t going to form a good team. They just weren’t in sync yet, and that’s what he was going to help her with.
“The thing with this dog is that he’s extremely easy to teach, so long as you make your commands and actions clear and consistent,” Brett told her. “You don’t have to be Sam, but you do have to understand how he learns.”
“Do you mean like how they need to be rewarded by play?”
Brett grinned. “Exactly. This dog was chosen for the dog detection unit because when we tested him as a youngster, his commitment to a game of ball was unwavering.”
“So I need to play with him?” she asked, staring down at the dog.
“Yeah, you need to play with him, and you need to let him be with you all the time, because that’s how Sam treated him whenever they were together.”
Jamie was laughing and he loved seeing her happy, as if for a moment they were both here for any reason other than because of what had happened—that they were just two friends catching up under the sun, like old times.
“You guys always act so tough, but when it comes to your dogs, you’re like marshmallows.”
“It’s part of the bonding process, you know that,” he told her, pretending to be offended. “And we are tough, I’ll have you know.”
“Yeah, that’s what you all tell each other, but really? You’re just lonely when you’re away and want a warm body in your bed to snuggle up to.”
Brett laughed, unable to help himself. “How did you figure us all out so fast, huh?”
Jamie held up her hand to shield her face from the sun. “So are we just going to start with the basics?”
He nodded. “Why don’t we run through sit, stay and heel, then I’ll teach you how to play with a ninety-pound canine. Sound good?”
The smile she gave him made him drop his gaze, focus on the dog instead, because he was walking a dangerous line between helping out a friend’s widow and wanting to be here because he’d always liked Jamie and still did.
And if he were honest with himself, it’s why he’d taken so long to come back. It hadn’t just been about his injury, it hadn’t just been because he was struggling to come to terms with losing his best human friend and his canine best friend, it was because when it came to Jamie, he didn’t trust himself. He could have all the best intentions in the world, but without Sam here, he was screwed.
* * *
Jamie watched as Brett moved across the grass, Bear running along beside him and then bounding ahead to catch the ball.
“You just need to have fun with him,” Brett called out. “Let him know you love playing just as much as he does.”
She couldn’t help but laugh at them as they charged around her small lawn.
“It’s not about the space, it’s the quality of time you spend with him. He wants you to guide him, to be his leader and his equal, too. He will always look to you for direction, because that’s what he’s been trained to do.”
“So in other words he wants me to be his wife?”
They both laughed and she watched as Brett nodded to the dog to follow him.
“You must miss your dog,” she said, wishing she could take the words back the moment they left her lips.
Brett’s mouth fixed in a hard line, his jaw clamped before he took a visibly deep breath. “Every goddamn day,” he told her, running a hand through his short brown hair. “Teddy hardly left my side in four years. It was like he always knew what I was thinking before I’d even thought it myself. And then...”
Jamie felt like her breath had died in her throat, her lungs refusing to cooperate. The day Teddy had died had been the day Sam had died, too.
They stared at one another. She watched as Brett swallowed. Neither of them wanted to talk about that day, because somehow Brett had made it home and her husband and Brett’s dog had been killed. She wished the comment had never come out of her mouth, but it wasn’t like she could take it back.
“Have you had any ongoing veterinary care for Bear? I’m hoping after all he did for the army that he’s on a full pension.”
He’d changed the subject but only just, although she wasn’t complaining.
“When I collected him he was pretty much healed, on the outside at least,” Jamie told him. “He had a bandaged paw still and lots of missing or singed fur, but they made sure he was almost back to health before letting me take him. And they seemed to look after him pretty well when he was quarantined.”
“I was the one who carried him back to the truck,” Brett told her, his voice low. “He managed to come toward me, but the ringing in his ears must have been as bad as it was in mine because he couldn’t even walk in a straight line, and his paws and legs were badly burned. There was no part of me that could have tried to get away without helping him, and it was like he wanted to do the same for me.”
Jamie refused to look away, no matter how uncomfortable the conversation was making her, because she knew how hard it must have been for Brett to talk about what had happened, even just a little.
“I can’t believe you even managed to lift him, after what had happened to you,” she said softly.
Brett dropped to his haunches and slung his arm around the dog. “If it hadn’t been for this boy,” he said, stroking the dog’s fur as he spoke, “everyone in that truck would have died that day. It wasn’t until I collapsed that I realized why my body was burning so bad, what a mess my leg was, and then I passed out from the pain and shock. Bear was braver than any of us.”
Brett was staring past her now, and Jamie didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. It was so nice having him here, having a familiar face to chat to, that she wanted to make sure he stayed for the afternoon.
“What do you say we take him for a walk?” she suggested.
Brett smiled, clearly relieved she’d changed the subject completely.
“Do you usually take him out?” he asked.
She grimaced. “It’s not that I don’t want to, but he’s kind of massive and I’m worried I won’t be able to control him if we come across another dog or something.”
Brett shook his head. “Did that husband of yours teach you nothing about this dog?”
She laughed. “No, because it was like they shared the same brain! Bear just did what Sam wanted him to do, like they had some silent communication thing going on, and he went everywhere with him so it wasn’t like I was ever in sole charge.”
Brett sighed. “Fair call.” He followed her inside and stood back as she locked the doors. “How about you tell me what you’d like to do with him?”
She checked the side door was locked before gathering Bear’s lead from a drawer and facing Brett.
“I guess I want to be able to walk down for a coffee and sit without worrying how to handle him if there’s another big dog coming toward us. And walk through the park, throw a ball for him and know he’ll come back when he’s off the leash, that sort of thing.”
Brett opened the front door and held it open for her, waiting as she clipped the leash to Bear’s collar.
“He’s too well-trained to have a fight with another dog, and he will never, ever chase a ball and not bring it back to you. It’s why he made the squad in the first place.”
“Were you with Sam the day he chose him?”
Brett shook his head. “No, but I remember him being so excited that he’d finally found the perfect partner. Bear was with a family who loved him, but they were moving overseas and had put him up for adoption. When Sam went to see him, he tested him out with a ball and he knew straight away that the black giant was going to be his sidekick.”
They fell into a comfortable rhythm, walking side by side.
“Is it okay to talk about him?” Brett asked, his voice an octave lower.
The question took her by surprise. “Yes.” They walked for a bit more before she continued. “I mean, it’s hard, it’s always hard, but it’s nice talking about him with you.”
“I half expect him to be at the house when we get back,” Brett said with a smile. “Waiting to give me a telling off about hanging out with his wife.”
“Yeah.” Jamie was smiling, too, but it was bittersweet. “I guess I’d become so used to him going away on tours, so for me it just seems like this has just been an especially long one. Like I’m just waiting for him to fly home and pick up where we left off.” It had been the same when her dad had never come home from deployment—like one day he’d just walk through the door again and everything would go back to normal.
“If it’s too hard having me here...”
“No,” she blurted. “Having you here is the only good thing that’s happened to me in a long while, so please don’t think you’re making me uncomfortable. It’s the complete opposite.”
* * *
Brett was pleased she wanted him here, but every time they talked about Sam made him feel plain weird for being with Jamie, just the two of them. Lucky they had the dog as a distraction, because it meant they had something to focus on other than the fact that nothing was like it had been the last time they’d seen one another.
“So you just give him a gentle reminder if he walks ahead of you by pulling the lead back,” he told her, closing his hand over it and showing her, “and telling him to heel, but you’re probably not going to need to do that very often.”
Brett didn’t move his hand when Jamie’s brushed past it, fingers almost closing over his before she realized. It was stupid—they’d touched plenty in the past—but having her warm skin against his reminded him of all the reasons why he shouldn’t have been here. Because there had been a time when he’d wished he’d asked Jamie out, before she’d met Sam, and they were dangerous thoughts to be remembering now that she was his friend’s widow.
“Brett, I don’t want to bring up what happened again, but I need to ask you one question.”
He cleared his throat and turned to face her. “Shoot.” So long as he didn’t have to relive what had happened again, he’d tell her what she needed to know. Those memories caught up on him enough without voluntarily calling on them.
“I keep thinking about the army sending Bear back, once they’d made the decision to retire him. Is it normal for them to care for a dog like that, even though their career is over, and then pay to send them home?”
Brett couldn’t help smiling at her. Trust Jamie to have figured out that it wasn’t exactly protocol, especially when the handler was no longer alive and able to fight for his dog.
“Let’s just say that me and the other boys put a fair amount of pressure on our superiors to make sure Bear had a good retirement. I didn’t know he’d be given back to you, but there aren’t that many dogs in the world capable of what he did on a daily basis, and it wasn’t exactly a tough call to send him home a hero.”
Jamie reached out to him, took him completely by surprise as her hand stayed in place on his shoulder.
“Well then I guess I owe you a pretty big thanks,” she said, throwing him a smile that made him want to look away, because that smile had always teased him and he didn’t want to think about her like that, not now. “It means a lot to have him here, even if I’m kind of hopeless at the whole business of looking after a dog.”
Brett fought not to shrug her hand off, and was pleased when it just dropped away.
“So which café are we going to?”
* * *
“Skinny latte?”
Jamie looked up. “How did you guess?”
He chuckled and ordered, before peering into the cabinet with her. “And I’m also guessing that you want something sweet. Maybe the chocolate peppermint slice?”
Jamie kept staring at the rows of food, trying to ignore the slice so she wasn’t completely predictable. In the end she gave in to her sweet tooth. “Okay, how about we share a piece?”
She walked back outside to where they’d left Bear, not liking the idea of just tying him up and leaving him beside a table.
“He’s fine,” Brett said, pulling her chair out for her and then taking the seat opposite.
“I can see that. It just seems foreign to me,” she told him.
“This dog won’t let you down. Trust me. His manners will be better than most of the people in here.”
Jamie rolled her eyes, but she knew he was probably right. And she also knew that Brett pulling her chair out for her was the kind of gentlemanly thing that not many guys did anymore. Her husband had, so she was used to it, and she liked being treated like a woman.
Brett’s mobile rang and he punched a button to silence it before answering and mouthing sorry to her. Jamie touched Bear’s head, stroking his fur, not looking at Brett. But she couldn’t help but take notice of what he was saying. The fact that it was Logan, her husband’s other best buddy, made her want to frown and smile simultaneously.
Part of her was liking being with Brett, but another part of her, like a pang of hunger gnawing at her stomach, wanted Sam back here, too. So she could sit and listen to them talk and laugh and be boys, like she always had. Her husband, Brett and Logan.
Brett cleared his throat and Jamie’s eyes snapped up to meet his. She had no idea whether he was waiting for her to say something, or whether he was just watching her.
“Jamie, what do you say?” he asked.
She raised her eyebrows, wishing she hadn’t been daydreaming. “To what?”
“Logan’s in town for the next week and he wanted to know if you’re free tonight. We thought we’d go grab a few drinks, catch up.”
Jamie liked that they were trying to include her, but she didn’t want to be a third wheel. “You guys just hang out. You don’t need to ask me along.”
Brett put his hand over the phone and leaned toward her, eyes never leaving hers. “Please come,” he said, reaching for her with his other hand, fingers closing over hers. “I’ll pick you up on my way and drop you at your door at the end of the night. Come out and have fun, we both want to take you out.”
She looked from his eyes to his fingers over hers, wished that it was just a platonic gesture, that his skin against hers wasn’t sending a shiver up and down her spine.
“Okay,” she said, not needing any more convincing.
Brett grinned and pulled away, leaning back in his chair again and discussing details with Logan. She was pleased their coffees arrived at the same time as he hung up, needing something to distract her. Somehow she’d gone from hanging out with her husband’s friend, to being on edge about agreeing to a night out. It was only supposed to be an evening with friends, so why was her stomach twisting like she was going on a first date?
“Sugar?”
Jamie nodded and reached for it, careful not to touch Brett’s hand again.
“So Logan’s back for a while, too?” she asked.
“He’s still working, but he’s based in Australia indefinitely.”
“And you’re sure he was okay about me tagging along on a boys’ night?”
Brett cut the chocolate peppermint slice into two pieces and nudged one in her direction. “Since when are you not allowed to tag along on a boys’ night? I don’t recall Sam ever leaving you at home when we used to catch up.”
“True.” Brett was right, she had always hung out with them. But now that it was just her, she didn’t want them feeling sorry for her and feeling like they had to include her.
“When was the last time you went out?” he asked.
“Can I pass on that question?” Jamie laughed and took a bite of the slice. “It’s been a while.”
“If another guy so much as looks at you he’ll have me to deal with, so you’re in safe hands.”
Jamie picked at some chocolate and then took a sip of coffee, because she didn’t want to make eye contact with Brett. There was only one guy she was worried about, and he was sitting directly across from her. He might trust himself, but she wasn’t entirely sure that her thoughts were as pure.
CHAPTER THREE
JAMIE PADDED BAREFOOT into the kitchen and fed Bear. She poured herself a glass of water and leaned on the counter, slowly drinking it, concentrating on the cool liquid and how it felt as she swallowed. It was the only thing she could think of to calm her nerves, other than going for a run, and after the time she’d spent in the shower and doing her hair, she had no intention of getting sweaty.
What was she doing?
It wasn’t the fact that she was going out that was making her feel guilty, because she was in desperate need of doing something fun that got her out of the house. Her problem was that she couldn’t stop thinking about Brett, and it was making her feel things that she had no right to feel.
She’d dolled herself up, made more of an effort than she had in months to look good, and it was Brett she was trying to impress. It was as if all the years of flirting had finally caught up with them, and with Sam not here, things were starting to feel awkward, fast. Or maybe not so much awkward as exciting.
“Brett is forbidden. Brett is my friend,” she muttered, realizing that she was looking at her dog as if he were part of the conversation. “Tell me I’m crazy, Bear. I’m crazy, aren’t I?”
He just stared up at her, pausing, before going back to eating his dinner.
Jamie sighed and dumped her water glass in the sink before walking back to her bedroom and looking at the clothes she’d thrown on the bed. She had her little black dress, a pair of satin pants and a sexy top, and her favorite skinny jeans. She reached for the dress and held it up, looking at her reflection in the floor-length mirror behind the door.
She wanted to wear the dress. She wanted to make Brett notice her. She wanted to feel sexy.
Jamie stripped down to her underwear and slipped on the dress. She was about to reach for a pair of five-inch black heels that she’d never worn before, that were just stuck in her closet, when her hand stopped moving. Everything stopped. Because just above her shoe rack, hanging on a little hook, was her husband’s dog tag on its silver chain.
Jamie slowly reached for it, fingers clasping the cool metal, tracing over the tag that she’d spent so many hours staring at since he’d gone. The same tag that she’d often touched when they’d been lying together, in bed on a lazy morning....
“If anything ever happened to you, would they give me this?”
Sam frowned. “Nothing’s going to happen to me, baby, but yeah. They would.”
She reached for it again, turning it over and reading the inscription out aloud. “Samuel Harvey Mattheson. O positive.”
“Are you going to recite all my vitals, too?”
Jamie lay her head on Sam’s bare chest, still holding his tag as she shut her eyes.
“Don’t ever leave me, Sam. You have to promise to come home.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Baby, I’m coming home. Haven’t I always told you that nothing could keep me away from you?”
“How can you be so sure?” She kissed his chest, lips against his warm skin, before moving up and kissing his mouth, trying to stop tears from falling down her cheeks and onto his face.
“If I don’t, then promise me you’ll wear this. I don’t ever want you to forget me, Jamie....”
Jamie had sunk to the floor, tears pricking her eyes then falling in a slow, steady trickle down her cheeks and into her mouth. What was she doing? How could she even be thinking about Brett like she had been? What was wrong with her?
But she knew. Deep down, she knew.
There had been a spark between her and Brett for years, a spark that could have easily turned into something more if they’d met at the right time, and now he was here and she was a widow. Her feelings were only natural. But they were also wrong. Being lonely wasn’t an excuse to give in to any of those feelings, not now, not ever.
Jamie reached back up for the tag and took it down, slipping it around her neck. She needed Sam close to her, wanted him close to her, and she was upset that she’d forgotten the promise she’d made to him that she’d wear it.
She also slipped back out of the dress, suddenly not wanting to make Brett notice her like that. She reached for her skinny jeans instead, paired them with heels and pulled a scoop-neck tank over her head. Jamie finished the look with a biker-style leather jacket and hoop earrings, before going back into the bathroom to fix her makeup. She smoothed foundation over her tearstains, put on some more mascara and touched up her lip gloss, before running a hand through her smooth hair—courtesy of her straightening iron.
When the doorbell rang and Bear started barking, she took one final look in the mirror and kissed Sam’s dog tag.
Tonight, he was with her, looking out for her, just like his friends were. She couldn’t stop her feelings for Brett, but she could stop herself from acting on them.
“Bear, it’s just Brett again.”
He stopped barking as soon as she spoke, but he stayed by her side as she opened the door, like he had no intention of not protecting her, even if he wasn’t allowed to bark.
“Hey,” she said, opening the door to find him standing a few steps back from the door, hands jammed in his jean pockets.
“Hey,” Brett replied, moving forward. “You look, well, wow.”
Jamie smiled, knowing she shouldn’t be so pleased that he liked the way she looked but unable to pretend otherwise. She reached for the dog tag, fingers closing around it as she looked at Brett, needing the reminder.
“You don’t look so bad yourself,” she heard herself say.
“Yeah? Well you look like you’re going to need a bodyguard to stay safe tonight.”
Jamie laughed. “Well, lucky I have two of them, huh?”
It was true—she could have worn the dress if she hadn’t been feeling so guilty, because Brett and Logan would act like her overprotective big brothers if a guy so much as looked at her too long, let alone if anyone tried anything on her.
“So shall we go?” Brett asked.
“Just let me check I’ve locked everything, and I need to grab my purse.”
She disappeared back into the kitchen and then the living room, double-checking all the locks.
“You know Bear would maul any strangers who even tried to come in here, right?”
Jamie glanced across at Brett, knew he was watching her. He quickly looked up and met her gaze when she caught him out, but it sent a ripple of delight through her body that he was staring at her, no matter what she’d been telling herself as she stood in the closet.
“So not only do I have personal bodyguards escorting me tonight, you’re telling me that I have one living in my house now? A big, furry, ninety-pound one?”
Brett held up her purse for her and waited for her to walk ahead of him down the hall. Her face flushed as she realized he could be checking out her butt.
“I’m saying that you’re safe with Bear here, and you’re definitely safe with me,” he told her, his voice a note lower than it had been earlier.
Jamie glanced over her shoulder and waited for Brett to follow her out the door. Then she locked it and looped her hand through his arm. She could have so easily dropped her head to his shoulder, given him a hug, but she didn’t want to blur the lines of their friendship. Once she wouldn’t have thought twice about touching him like that, because before it had never meant anything, but she knew he was feeling the change between them and the spark that seemed to have ignited since he’d walked back into her life.
“Thanks for taking me out tonight,” she told him, ignoring everything else and saying the one thing she needed him to hear. “I feel like I’ve been alone for a really long time, and it’s nice to just get out of the house and have fun.”
The taxi was waiting for them, and he opened the door for her to slide in before sitting beside her.
“Here’s to a good night,” he said, covering her knee with his hand.
But as soon as he did it, he backed off. Fast. Because the way he looked at her, the way she couldn’t help but look back at him when he touched her, must have scared him as much as it damn well terrified her.
CHAPTER FOUR
“THIS FEELS WEIRD,” Jamie said as they walked through the door of the bar.
Brett couldn’t have agreed more. He felt like they were on a date, the two of them heading out for the evening, and it didn’t help that he was thinking things he wished he wasn’t about Jamie. The music was loud but not overpowering, and because it was still early it wasn’t completely packed with people yet.
He looked around for Logan, desperate to see him. Once they found him, he could go get some drinks, leave the pair of them to catch up and deal with getting his head in the right space. It was bad enough that he’d spent the day before with Jamie, but seeing her again tonight was too much, too soon.
“There he is.”
Jamie was leaning into him, talking into his ear over the noise and the music. He looked where she was pointing, groaning as she took hold of his hand. He got it; she was probably nervous about being out on the town without her husband, was reaching to him for support. But the way he was feeling right now, he didn’t need her hand thrust into his, fingers interlaced as she walked slightly ahead of him toward Logan.
When they reached him Brett pulled his hand away and ran it through his hair instead. He needed to get it together, and fast. Logan would notice straight away if anything was going on, and he didn’t want to be interrogated by anyone—especially not his best mate. Logan would be the first person to call him to task if he knew even the half of what he’d been thinking.
“Hey, Jamie.” Logan jumped off the bar stool and wrapped his arms around her, giving her a big hug.
When he let go, Brett stepped forward and greeted him, grabbing hold of one of his hands and slapping him on the back at the same time. They hadn’t seen each other in months.
“How are you, stranger?”
Brett shrugged. “Better now I’ve seen you.”
They stared at one another, so much unsaid, but it only lasted a moment. Logan knew what had happened, would be the only person in Brett’s life who would ever come close to understanding what he’d experienced, although even he couldn’t imagine how disturbing it had been, how violent. They hadn’t seen each other in a long while, had a lot of catching up to do.
Brett shook off his thoughts. “What are we drinking? My shout.”
“Start with a beer or straight to bourbon?” Logan asked.
Jamie laughed, and Brett angled his body to better include her. He’d been so wound up in seeing Logan again that he’d almost forgotten about her. Brett touched his palm to her back, moving her forward between them and taking a step back to make room for her.
“I think we’ll start with beer. How about you?”
Jamie smiled. “Um, maybe a cocktail for me.”
Logan raised his eyebrows and Brett laughed. “So maybe we’ll start with bourbon then, if you’re hitting the strong stuff straight away.”
Jamie leaned over the counter to reach for a menu. “It’s been a looong time since I’ve been out. Can’t you tell? The only cocktail I can think of is a Cosmopolitan from Sex and the City, but there must be something else....”
“Long Island iced teas,” Logan announced. “Three of them.”
Jamie pushed her shoulders up, shrugging, an innocent expression on her face. Brett needed to warn her.
“They’re kind of potent,” he said.
Her smile was sweet enough to make him feel dirty for admiring her cleavage when she leaned forward.
“Lucky I have you two to look after me then, huh?” She put an arm around each of them, her smile infectious. “I need a night of just having fun, so order away, boys. I’m in.”
Brett did as he was told and watched her walk off with Logan, looking for a quieter, more comfortable place to sit. They all had a lot to talk about, or maybe they didn’t. Maybe tonight was about letting Jamie have fun without feeling guilty, just being there for her and making sure she had a good time and got home safely at the end of the evening.
He just had to remind himself that he would have plenty to be guilty about if he ever let himself give in to the way he was feeling about her. Brett paid for the drinks and stuffed his wallet back in his pocket, before carrying their drinks to the table. He could see Jamie leaning toward Logan, talking, touching his shoulder as they discussed something that had her smiling. Logan was rock-solid, the perfect guy to be spending time with Jamie, because he would honor his word and never do anything that would jeopardize their friendship or the one he’d had with Sam. Trouble was, it wasn’t Logan who was spending time with Jamie, because he was still working.
“Drink up,” he announced, placing the tall glasses on the table and sitting down beside Jamie.
The way she looked at him took him by surprise, made him hope that Logan hadn’t noticed it, but maybe he was just being oversensitive.
“To Sam,” Logan said, holding up his drink. “A good soldier, a damn good friend and husband to the sweetest woman I’ve ever met.”
Brett glanced at Jamie, saw her eyes were damp. He held up his own glass. “Cheers to that.”
They all took a sip, but Jamie was spluttering as soon as she’d swallowed her first mouthful.
“Are you guys trying to kill me? This stuff is like poison.”
Brett laughed. “It gets better. Just keep drinking.”
“Has Brett shown you his new tattoo?” Logan asked.
Jamie shook her head, looking at him. “Nope.” She took another sip and grimaced again.
“Brett had his done as soon as he was out of recovery, and I got mine when I touched down in Australia.”
“You have new matching ones?” she asked. “Can I see?”
Logan pushed his T-shirt up, rolling his arm around to show the words marked in black ink, curling letters over four short rows.
“‘Fight a battle for a cause that’s worth the victory. Fight a war that’s worth dying for. Remain brave in death. Honor those you love.’” Jamie stared at Logan’s arm as she finished reading the words.
Brett knew she was fighting emotion, because her voice had become low and husky, a deeper tone than he’d ever heard from her. He responded by rolling up his shirt until he could show her his matching ink, only just able to push the fabric high enough for her to see it.
Jamie turned to inspect his properly, trailing her fingers across each word as if she were writing them, committing them to memory. Her touch was light, and when her hand dropped to land on his thigh, it almost made him lose the drink he’d just reached for.
“You did these for Sam, didn’t you?” she asked.
Brett nodded when she looked at him, and Logan did the same.
“Well, they’re beautiful,” she said, dabbing her eyes with the back of her fingers. “Maybe I should get one, too?”
“No,” Brett said, faster than he’d meant to.
“I don’t think so,” Logan chimed in, almost as quickly.
Jamie raised an eyebrow, looking puzzled. “Because I’m a girl? They’re not exactly military tattoos, are they?”
Brett looked to Logan for help but didn’t receive any. He cleared his throat, not wanting to dig himself a hole that he couldn’t claw his way out of, but not having any intention of letting her ink herself.
“Your skin is beautiful and you don’t need any ink, Jamie. Don’t go rushing into anything.”
“Just keep wearing that tag,” Logan added. “It’s what he would have wanted.”
She laughed and took a hearty sip of her drink, before slowly downing the rest of it.
“Bottoms up, boys,” she announced, grinning at them over the top of her glass.
Brett and Logan exchanged looks before shrugging and following her lead.
“My round this time. Another?” Jamie asked.
They both said yes and watched her walk away, like two bodyguards ready to pounce on anyone who so much as bumped into her.
“‘Your skin is so beautiful’?” Logan mimicked, punching him in the arm. “Seriously, couldn’t you have come up with anything better than that?”
Brett glared at him. “It wasn’t like you were stepping in to help me out.”
“Yeah, I was too busy watching you swooning over her. You know she’s out of bounds, right? Because I’ll...”
Brett gave him a playful shove, trying to laugh the comment off. “You don’t have to tell me, I know.”
“I miss him, Brett. I seriously miss him.”
Brett leaned back in his seat, watching Jamie at the bar as she leaned toward the bartender to place her order. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed the dog tag she was wearing around her neck, but then he’d been trying his hardest not to look at her chest, and the way the tag was being swallowed by her breasts... Brett cleared his throat. That wasn’t something he needed to think about right now. Sam had been like his surrogate brother, and he would never disrespect anyone he considered family.
“I can’t stop thinking about that day. It’s screwed up, Logan. The things I saw, what happened, I just wish I could forget it all, for good.”
Brett shut his eyes, blocked the memories out, doing what he always did. Because forcing them away was a damn sight easier than dealing with them, and he didn’t want to go there, not now.
“I’m going to go help her carry the drinks back,” he announced, needing to move.
Before Logan guessed that he also couldn’t stop thinking about Jamie, in all the wrong ways.
* * *
Jamie leaned back into Brett, eyes shut, the room starting to spin. She’d had three cocktails, but she wasn’t exactly used to drinking and it felt like three too many.
“I don’t feel so good.”
Brett’s arm was suddenly looped around her shoulders, holding her closer to his body. She opened her eyes to look at Logan, but he was starting to blur.
“I think someone needs something to eat,” Logan said.
“And water,” she mumbled.
Logan jumped up and gave her what she guessed was a salute. “Glass of water and greasy fries coming up.”
She tucked back tighter into Brett, starting to feel sleepy.
“Thanks for looking after me.”
His chuckle made his chest vibrate beneath her ear.
“They were pretty potent,” he told her, his hold on her shoulders loosening as he bent forward to retrieve his drink. “We shouldn’t have let you have more than two.”
Jamie groaned. “You’re going to take me home, right?” She didn’t want to have to flag a taxi on her own in the dark, not to mention go home to an empty house. Most nights, she tried to remind herself why she was okay alone, but tonight her brain just wasn’t cooperating.
“We weren’t exactly going to get you drunk then let you find your own way home.”
Jamie shut her eyes again, wishing she had only had two drinks. They’d been having so much fun, and she hadn’t been out in so long.
“Brett, can you stay with me tonight?” she asked.
Jamie thought she felt his body stiffen, but maybe she was imagining it.
“Ah, I’m not sure,” he said. “I’ll see you home, though.”
Jamie shook her head and turned, hand on Brett’s shoulder as she stared up at him. “Please? I just don’t want to be alone tonight.”
He looked down at her and she couldn’t read his face. Having her eyes shut and sitting still for a few minutes had made the spinning stop, but she was still feeling less than average.
“If you still want me to stay when we get to your place, then I will,” he finally said. “Just don’t go saying anything to Logan because he’ll go off and get the wrong idea and I don’t need him getting all crazy protective over you.”
She smiled up at him, leaning in to kiss his cheek. It was warm and slightly stubbled, but where she kissed him was soft enough to make her want to keep her lips there. Jamie had only meant it as an innocent thank-you, but she could have easily moved slightly to the left, kissed his lips instead. She was staring at them, eyes unable to leave his mouth, even as his hand came up between them and gently pushed her back into her seat.
“Let’s not do anything we’d regret sober, okay?”
Brett’s voice was soft, but the hungry eyes staring back at her were telling a different story entirely.
“Who’s hungry?”
Logan had returned with the bar food, which looked perfect and greasy.
“Me, please,” she responded, her thigh pressed to Brett’s as she leaned forward. She was telling herself she needed it there to anchor her in place, keep her steady, but she knew better.
She was drunk and coming on to her husband’s friend. It was a hundred shades of wrong, but it felt every shade of right. Jamie reached for a fry and dunked it in ketchup, closing her eyes with delight at the salty, greasy taste.
“These are sooo good,” she murmured.
Logan laughed. “Drunk as a skunk.”
She didn’t care what they said. Tonight had been better than good, it had been amazing. For the first time in forever, she felt like herself again, and it had been a long time coming.
Because for a while there, she’d wondered if she’d lost that Jamie forever.
* * *
Jamie held on to Brett’s arm as she stepped out of the taxi, and she didn’t let it go as they walked to her front door. He hadn’t said anything about staying or not staying, and even though she’d sobered up a heap, she still didn’t want to be alone. Nights like tonight brought everything crashing back to her, even though it had been over a decade ago.
It had been pitch-black outside, and she’d been tucked under a blanket, alone, waiting for her mom to come home. She knew she’d be drunk, but she wanted to wait for her to come back. When the door had opened, she’d stayed still, not made a sound, knowing her mom would just make her way upstairs and collapse on her bed.
Only it hadn’t been her mom. She’d hidden, terrified, as two men in balaclavas had burgled their house, never making a noise so they wouldn’t know anyone was home. Tears had choked in her throat, but she’d stayed silent, wishing that her dad had made it back. Knowing that if he’d been alive, her mom would still be holding it together, that she would have been safe.
“So here we are,” Brett said when they reached the door, jolting her from her thoughts.
She fumbled in her bag for her keys and called out to Bear as his loud bark boomed through the door. Letting her memories take hold was not something she usually let happen, not that easily.
“Just me,” she told her dog, “it’s only me.”
His barking stopped and she turned the key. Brett leaned past her and pushed the door, standing his ground as she dropped to give the dog a cuddle and then usher him back inside.
“Are you going to be okay on your own?” he asked, looking uncomfortable, hands jammed in his pockets.
Jamie wasn’t going to lie to him, especially not now. “I’ve never been okay on my own,” she admitted. “Every time Sam went away, I’d pretend to be all brave because I didn’t want him worrying about me, but when he was on tour I hardly ever went out unless I could be back before dark. I was just too nervous coming home to an empty house.”
His expression changed, his face sad. “Is it better with Bear here?”
She nodded. “Yeah, a little.”
“You still want me to stay tonight, don’t you?”
Jamie nodded again. Relief took away the tightness in her shoulders as she realized she was actually going to have someone in the house. That Brett, one of the people she trusted most in the world, was going to be sleeping under her roof, protecting her, letting her have a good night’s sleep without her worrying about every creak or rustle outside the window. Without her thinking someone might find their way into her home.
Brett smiled when she stepped back, and he walked into the house and locked the door behind him.
“I’ll just bunk on the sofa,” he said, following her into the kitchen.
“I can make up the spare bed,” she told him, flicking on a light and fumbling in the pantry for coffee. “I don’t want you being uncomfortable.”
“Hey,” Brett said, coming up behind her and taking the coffee. “You go sit down, I’ll make us both a cup. I’m sure your head could do without all the movement, might help the pounding stop.”
His hand over hers made her freeze, and she resisted the urge to push back into him, to rock her body back into his like she was so desperate to do. She craved his touch like a desperate woman who’d never had the pleasure of a man before.
“Go sit on the sofa,” he ordered, voice low.
Jamie reluctantly did as she was told, listening to Brett as he moved around the kitchen. She flopped onto the big sofa, tucked up against a cushion, eyes back on him as he stirred two cups and then carried them over. He placed them down and went to sit on the armchair.
“It’s way more comfy over here,” she told him.
He hesitated before coming over to sit beside her. Jamie tucked her feet up and changed position, her body against Brett’s instead of the oversized cushion. Now she had an oversized, warm, muscled man to lean into.
“Thanks for tonight,” she told him.
“My pleasure,” he responded, staying still but looking down at her.
Jamie knew she was still a little drunk, that she needed to just sleep it off and not do anything stupid, but ever since she’d kissed Brett at the bar, on the cheek, she’d thought of nothing other than his lips; his full, kissable lips.
Before she knew what she was doing, she reached up to touch his face, tracing her fingers over his mouth before leaning on him and putting her lips there. It was a sweet kiss, a warm kiss, a kiss that made her skin tingle. And it wasn’t easy to pull back from. Brett didn’t resist, didn’t push her away, but he didn’t move closer, either. He just moved his lips enough for her to know that he was kissing her back, that he wanted it, too. Or at least that’s what she wanted to think.
He didn’t say anything when she pulled away, and neither did she. Brett reached for a cushion, put it at the end of the sofa and leaned back into it, letting her fall down against him. She put her head against his chest, tucked up beside him, like a cat purring into his hold as he put his arm around her.
She should have gone and found a blanket to keep them warm, but she didn’t want to move and Brett was warm and snuggly even without anything covering them. Instead she shut her eyes and let sleep catch her and wrap her in its equally warm embrace. She couldn’t have fought it if she tried, and Jamie had a feeling that for once she might actually sleep through the entire night without waking, terrified, like she usually did.
* * *
Brett stared down at Jamie. She was asleep, he could hear the change in her breathing, but it didn’t make him even close to being sleepy himself.
Jamie, Sam’s wife, had just kissed him. And he’d done nothing to stop it and everything to encourage it.
Granted, he’d had a lot to drink, but not enough to make him drunk or to make him forget that she was forbidden. Even Logan had reminded him, just in case he’d managed to forget himself, that she was the one woman he wasn’t supposed to think about, like that. And yet she’d come on to him and he’d willingly accepted her advances.
But then he’d known he was a goner tonight from the moment she’d traced her fingers down his inner arm, along the words of his tattoo, and he’d known he was incapable of doing the right thing when she’d kissed his cheek in the bar. The heat of her breath against his skin, her warm lips, the look in her eyes...like she wanted him, trusted him and needed him, all rolled into one stare. Into one gentle touch that he found one hundred percent irresistible.
Brett groaned, but there was no getting away from her, not now that she was clutching his shirt between her fingers and her head was tucked against his chest like it was her own personal pillow to snuggle up into.
The light in the kitchen was still on, but unless he could teach the dog how to turn it off, he was just going to have to shut his eyes and do his best to ignore it.
He caught sight of Bear watching him, head between his paws, eyebrows raised.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Brett told him, scowling.
He didn’t need a damn dog to make him feel even more guilty than he already felt.
“And don’t you be forgetting that I saved your life,” he muttered, before shutting his eyes.
The truth was that Bear had saved all of them that day. He’d stopped after Sam had sent him out, body dead-still, tail quivering, head cocked to the side. It had been Bear who’d alerted them to the bomb—only trouble was that it wasn’t a standard improvised explosive device. This IED had been remote-detonated, most likely from a local hiding where they hadn’t been able to find him. Someone watching, in wait, to explode an entire 4x4 full of SAS soldiers, wanting to blow them all into pieces.
Sam and Brett’s dog had been the casualties that day, so maybe he should be showing Bear some respect and thanking him for saving his life.
He shut his eyes, knowing sleep wouldn’t come easily, because it never did these days. If he managed to fall asleep, he’d wake up in a sweat and twisted in his sheets, mind full of the darkness of that day he was trying so hard to forget. And then he’d lie awake, scared of shutting his eyes again because of the memories that flashed like scenes from a movie beneath his eyelids.
CHAPTER FIVE
WHEN BRETT WOKE up, the pain in his leg and back hit him straight away. He was all crooked from lying flat, and when he tried to move, he realized he couldn’t. Because the woman he’d just been having an erotic dream about was still attached to his chest, her long hair splayed out across him, arm slung down low, cheek to his heart.
He shut his eyes again, remembering how uncomfortable it had been carrying a hundred-and-fifty-pound pack when he was on patrol with the SAS. At least Jamie was warm and... He swallowed away that particular thought. Now he just had to hope that she didn’t wake up for a little bit longer, so she didn’t have to wonder if it was a gun or if he was just pleased to see her when she realized where her hand was resting.
But...he’d slept. He’d dreamed about Jamie. And he wasn’t wet with sweat. Which meant that last night was the first night he’d actually slept through, without nightmares, since that day.
When Brett opened his eyes again, Bear was staring back at him, his nose right beside his face, as if he’d just been waiting for them to wake up.
“Hey, buddy,” he whispered, receiving a giant lick in reply.
Jamie groaned then and wriggled closer against him, her arm flinging across his chest. He kept one hand on her to keep her in place, not wanting her to fall off the sofa if she stretched the other way. Another low groan told him she perhaps wasn’t a morning person, or that her head was starting to thump.
“Want some pain meds?” he asked, keeping his voice low.
She went still, then put her palm flat on his chest and pushed up. Her hair was all messy, curlier than he’d ever seen it, and her eyes were smudged. She looked lazy and sexy all rolled into one.
“I slept on you.”
He chuckled. “We still have our clothes on, so don’t worry.”
She didn’t smile, so he was guessing his joke wasn’t in the best taste, but she did flop back down on top of him, face buried in his chest again.
“My head kind of hurts,” she muttered. “And don’t even try to tell me I don’t look like crap, because I know I do.”
He laughed. “You actually look pretty good.”
Funny how he could go from freaking out to joking with her in two seconds flat, and he wasn’t lying, either.
“Warmed-up crap,” she muttered. “That’s even worse than straight crap, right?”
Brett pushed her gently off him and stretched, being careful to flex his leg before standing up. He’d missed a few physical therapy sessions since he’d been back, and the last thing he needed was to do damage to his just-recovered leg because he was too lazy to stretch.
“I’m going to get you a glass of water and something for your head. Where do you keep the meds?”
“In the bathroom,” she mumbled.
Brett stood and crossed the room. If he were going to pretend like he was here just to protect her, to look after her, he may as well do something to actually be helpful.
* * *
Jamie excused herself, went up to her bathroom and took a long shower. She just stood there under the burning hot water, letting it pour down her face and hair. Her head had stopped pounding, thanks to the tablets she’d just swallowed, but she was still feeling a lot less perky than she usually did.
She forced herself to step out of the shower and wrapped a massive towel around her small frame, using a different one to dry her long hair. After what had happened last night she was in no hurry to rush back downstairs to Brett, not after she’d gone ahead and kissed him. Her only hope was that maybe he thought she’d been too drunk to remember it. She wished.
Jamie rubbed moisturizer onto her body, then applied some makeup, smoothing on some foundation, then mascara, blush and lip gloss. She didn’t want to look like she’d gone to too much effort, but then she didn’t want him to see her looking hungover with no makeup on, either.
She heard a noise behind her and jumped, but it was only Bear. The last thing she needed was Brett walking in on her naked, wearing only a dog tag around her neck. The dog tag that was supposed to remind her, no matter what, that a certain friend of her husband’s was out of bounds.
“Hey, buddy.” Bear was staring at her with his head cocked to the side, and she was pleased to think about something other than her behavior the night previous. “You hungry?”
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Soraya Lane
You can't help who you fall for…Six months after her husband's death, Jamie knows she has to start living again. And when fellow soldier Brett Palmer turns up, Jamie knows it's fate. Brett is the only other person who can make her feel alive again.Brett swore he would protect Jamie, but being so close to her is driving him insane. So Brett does everything he can to fight their connection. Until the words slip out–he's always loved her. With a second chance staring them both in the face, there is no going back….
THE SOLDIERS’ HOMECOMING
Brett, Logan and Sam were best friends and three of the finest soldiers in the Australian SAS K9 division. But one day Sam was killed, tearing their friendship group apart and leaving Brett and Logan with memories that would haunt them for ever.
Now, back in Australia, Brett and Logan are adjusting to life outside the army. But they haven’t counted on two gorgeous, intriguing, captivating women who swan into their lives and present them with challenges they’ve never faced before!
Look out for
HER SOLDIER PROTECTOR Coming in April 2014
The
Returning Hero
Soraya Lane
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Writing for Mills & Boon
Cherish™ is truly a dream come true for SORAYA LANE. An avid reader and writer since her childhood, Soraya describes becoming a published author as ‘the best job in the world’ and hopes to be writing heart-warming, emotional romances for many years to come.
Soraya lives with her own real-life hero on a small farm in New Zealand, surrounded by animals and with an office overlooking a field where their horses graze.
For more information about Soraya and her upcoming releases visit her at her website, www.sorayalane.com, her blog, www.sorayalane.blogspot.com, or follow her at www.facebook.com/SorayaLaneAuthor.
For Hamish and Mackenzie.
I’m so fortunate that you both share my love of dogs!
In Dogs We Trust
The unofficial motto of the soldiers within the Explosive Detection Dog Service
Contents
CHAPTER ONE (#u928e3fcc-b9c7-5bca-9841-75edd436261f)
CHAPTER TWO (#u3a42a736-29df-5b5f-8d0e-2dc46206d6b7)
CHAPTER THREE (#uade8e05d-abe0-5bd9-b61c-3ad563f96473)
CHAPTER FOUR (#u31cf1a94-d89a-5a15-ac03-5b56f9f02128)
CHAPTER FIVE (#ub863223f-1b81-5266-a6a2-a5f047832cc3)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
EXCERPT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE
BRETT PALMER LEANED against the door of his vehicle. Visiting had seemed like a great idea before he’d left home, but now he was here...turning up unannounced wasn’t so easy. Perhaps if he’d planned what he was going to say, had a good reason for not touching base with her before now, but he’d just jumped in the car and decided to chance it.
He sucked back a big breath and forced himself to walk forward. He’d known Jamie Mattheson for years, so it wasn’t like she’d get a shock to see him, but still. It wasn’t as if he’d ever spent time with her on her own, either.
Brett swallowed the memories, refusing to go back in time, and jogged the last few steps to the front door. He knocked. No one answered. There wasn’t even so much as a shuffle from inside. Brett knocked again.
He could either get in his car and leave, or head around back to see if she was there. The sun was already out in full force, typical of Sydney at this time of year, and he had more than a hunch that she could be out in the garden.
Brett stepped back down and walked around the side of the house. It was looking nice, but then he knew Sam had painted the weatherboards before he’d left for their last tour, had made sure he’d done all the maintenance so Jamie had nothing to worry about while he was gone. He’d put money on it that she’d prefer the house to be falling down around her if it meant she could go back in time and have her husband back.
Brett pushed the side gate open and looked around the corner. There she was. Standing with her hands on her hips, like something was really frustrating her. Then he saw the something, sitting in front of her, alert, nose pointed in the air.
Bear. She had Sam’s dog. How the hell had she ended up with Bear so soon?
“Jamie,” he called out, not wanting to startle her but not wanting to be caught staring at her, either.
The dog had given up sitting patiently and was now barking and thundering toward him. He’d been his best mate’s dog, but right now he was protecting his new owner, and Brett wasn’t exactly game to take the massive canine on.
“Bear, it’s me,” he called out, as the black dog hurtled toward him. “Bear! It’s okay, boy.”
The dog slowed, still looking protective, but Brett was comfortable that he was no longer about to be attacked.
“Brett? What are you doing here?”
Jamie was suddenly rushing across the lawn to him, arms outstretched.
“Hey, sweetheart.” He held his own arms out, one eye on the dog, until she threw herself against him.
Brett held her tight, holding on to her like his life depended upon it. He’d been best man at their wedding, vacationed with them, had dinner at their house...and now he was comforting a widow.
“It’s so good to see you.” Jamie stepped back, but she held on to his hands, firmly, like she’d never let go.
Brett looked into her eyes, saw tears there that she was bravely holding in check. This woman had been his best friend’s wife, and he’d never, ever wanted to be in this position. He was just grateful that he hadn’t been the one to tell her the news when it had happened.
“You’ve got Bear.” He knew he was stating the obvious but he still couldn’t believe it.
He turned half his attention back to the dog, who was keeping a close eye on them.
“And I have no idea what to do with him,” she admitted, stepping back and letting go of Brett. Jamie had her hands back on her hips as she stared at the dog. “I’m doing my best, but he’s, I don’t know, smarter than me, I guess. We’re not communicating that well.”
Brett dropped to his haunches, eye level with the canine. “Hey, Bear. Remember me, bud?” The dog let out a low whine, looking up at Jamie then back to him again. “I know you do. Come here.”
Bear slowly walked over to him and sat down on Brett’s feet. He gave him a scratch, liking that the dog had accepted him. God only knew they’d spent enough time together when he was serving.
“I’ll teach you everything I can, Jamie. He’s a pretty special dog, but he’s used to certain commands and lots of them.”
She laughed. “Yeah, sometimes I wondered if Sam thought he was more special than me. Probably showed off photos of him to everyone and forgot all about his wife.”
Brett reached for her, took her hand again as he stood to full height. “You know that’s not true. You meant everything to Sam.” He chuckled. “To be honest, we all had to tell him to knock it off most of the time. He talked about you way too often.”
She laughed, gripping his hand tight. “You always were the charmer.”
He put his arm around her, needing to hold her, to show her how much he cared. “I miss him, Jamie. I miss him so bad that I can’t...” Brett blew out a breath, dropping his chin to the top of her head. “I just needed you to know that I’m here for you. It’s taken me a while, but I’m back now.”
Jamie looped her arm around his waist and steered them toward the house. “How about we have brunch?”
“Here?”
“Yeah, why not,” she said. “Besides, I haven’t had anyone to make pancakes for in a while.”
Brett signaled to the dog to follow them, and walked behind Jamie as she went into the house. She was dressed in a tiny pair of cut-off denim shorts and a loose-fitting T-shirt, and he wished she were covered up. She was his friend’s widow. She was beautiful. Her legs were so long and tanned.... He forced his eyes to the sky. Jamie was Sam’s wife. Just because he’d loved her from the moment he’d met her, thought she was the most caring, gorgeous woman he’d ever spent time with, didn’t mean it was okay to start giving in to his feelings now.
Sam had been gone only a little over six months. He’d been his best friend. And Jamie was his widow, he reminded himself again.
But deep down, Brett knew exactly why he’d put off coming for so long.
* * *
Jamie hadn’t stopped moving since they’d walked inside. She couldn’t. Because if she stopped even for a second, she’d either start crying or throw her arms around Brett and never let him go.
Having him here was unexpected, unusual, and yet exactly what she needed all at the same time. Since Sam had been gone, she’d had an emptiness inside of her that had ached every single day, but seeing Brett...? It was like the pain was finally easing. Because she could talk to Brett about her husband, really talk about him, and he made her feel like Sam could still walk through the front door, hassling Brett for chatting her up like he usually did. Jamie took a deep breath.
“Maple syrup?” she asked.
He laughed. “Yes, ma’am.”
Jamie flipped a pancake and turned around to look at the man seated at her counter. He looked like he always did—handsome and tanned—but there was something different about him now. Something she couldn’t pinpoint, except for maybe a hint of unhappiness that kept crossing his face, that made his smile never quite reach his eyes like it once had. There was so much she wanted to ask him, but she wanted to wait until the time was right.
“So tell me how you ended up with Bear?” Brett asked.
She smiled at the dog lying near her feet. He might be hard to communicate with, but he sure was loyal and she loved him for that.
“The detection dog unit contacted me, told me that he had to be retired after the accident, and they wanted to offer him to me first.” She shook her head, turning her attention back to her pancakes. “Sam loved him so much, so I couldn’t say no. And it is kind of nice having the company, even if we haven’t quite figured each other out yet. He’s only been here a few weeks because he had to be in quarantine for a while.”
She knew Brett had lost his dog in the same explosion that had killed her husband, that he probably wasn’t ready to go there yet, but...
“I know I should have come by sooner, Jamie, it’s just...” Brett’s voice trailed off.
Jamie held up her hand. It seemed like they were both struggling to find the right words. “No apology necessary. We just do what we have to do to cope, right?”
He nodded, looked grateful that he didn’t have to explain himself. Instead of asking him anything further, she flipped the last pancake and placed it in front of him, adding it to the stack.
“Looks good enough to eat,” he said, grinning as he poured syrup over them.
Jamie sat down beside him, reaching for the coffeepot she’d left just out of reach. It seemed right having Brett here, even if it was just the two of them, because being alone these last six months, she’d started to forget the person she was, the happy, easygoing person she’d always been. Brett was making her remember how nice it had always been to open their home to friends.
She chanced a quick glance at him, wishing she could resist but unable to. When they’d first met, Brett was dating another woman, and then when he was single she’d already been seeing Sam. His best friend. Just because they’d been attracted to one another before didn’t mean anything, she knew that, but she had a notion that she should be feeling guilty, shouldn’t feel so comfortable in his presence.
“Do you still have your house here?”
Jamie watched as he finished his mouthful before setting his fork back down on the plate. “I decided to put it on the market a while back, and it sold while I was deployed.”
“Oh.” She hadn’t known. “So where are you staying?” She’d been wanting to get in touch with him for months, had presumed he was away again, because he hadn’t even been able to make it back for Sam’s service.
“I’ve been at a recuperation clinic. My leg was burned pretty bad when the...” His sentence trailed off. “It’s kept me away for a while, then I traveled around for a bit to come to grips with everything, and I only just arrived in yesterday.”
She swallowed, taking a deep breath before she asked a question that needed to be voiced. “You’re staying in a hotel, aren’t you? You only came back here to see me.”
Brett looked guilty. “You were Sam’s wife. I could only stay away for so long. He’d want me to look out for you, Jamie. You know that. He even asked me as much.”
Unspoken words hung between them, words that would never be braved by either of them. Because before it had just been flirting. Now that Sam was gone... It was too soon for either of them, wasn’t something that could ever happen. But it didn’t mean she wanted Brett to leave, and it didn’t mean that he was here for any other reason than because he loved her for being Sam’s wife.
“I want you to know that I’m here, no matter what you need, okay?”
Jamie stared at him, raised one eyebrow as she looked into his eyes. “You really want to be here for me? To help me?”
He nodded. “Of course.”
“Then help me with Bear,” she said. “Turn me into a worthy owner of the dog who meant the world to my husband.”
Brett was playing with his fork, looking at the half-eaten breakfast on his plate.
“You’re sure you want me hanging around?” he asked. “I mean, you don’t have to say that just because...”
Jamie reached for his hand, squeezed it and stared straight into Brett’s eyes. “You weren’t just his friend, you were mine, too,” she confessed. “I’ve missed you guys—you, Sam and Logan. I miss you all. I didn’t just lose my husband, I lost having you two here all the time, too.”
Brett grunted. “Bet Logan’s been better at staying in touch.”
She shook her head. “He’s phoned me a couple of times, but I haven’t seen him, either. It’s been—” Jamie shrugged “—weird. But he did say he was back in town soon, so maybe he’s back now?”
Brett looked surprised, but she didn’t say anything. He went back to eating his pancakes and so did she.
“Well, if you need help with Bear, I’m here,” he said. “How about we start with a few basics today, and I’ll come past tomorrow and we can take him out to a park or something.”
Jamie stood up to clear their plates. “That sounds like a good plan,” she told him.
A niggle in her mind was telling her she should have asked Brett to stay, that her husband would have been horrified that his best buddy was paying to stay at a hotel, but she wasn’t ready for that. Wasn’t ready for a man to be sleeping in her home, under her roof—a man who wasn’t her husband, even if she did hate being on her own at night. Being alone...it took her back to her childhood, brought the ice-cold fear back, and she hated that as much as the reality of waking up without Sam beside her.
And if she were honest with herself, she was feeling nervous about being with Brett too much, just the two of them. They’d always flirted, it was just how he’d always been with her, but back then she’d also been in love with her husband, which meant their joking had always been nothing more than fun. Now?
She just had to take one day at a time. Having Brett here was better than being on her own, and she knew it was what Sam would have wanted. Even if she was having feelings about Brett that he wouldn’t approve of.
CHAPTER TWO
BRETT DIDN’T KNOW what he’d expected, but being with Jamie was...different. He always knew it wasn’t going to be the same without Sam, and he was pleased he was here, but it didn’t make it easy.
Thank God they had Bear to deal with. He would have felt weird coming over again without a good reason, without a purpose to help her.
“So did Sam ever teach you any of his commands?”
Jamie shook her head. He could tell she loved the dog, and it looked as if the canine reciprocated—the trouble was plain simple communication. Bear was sitting faithfully beside Jamie, and her hand had fallen to the top of his head, which told him that there was no reason they weren’t going to form a good team. They just weren’t in sync yet, and that’s what he was going to help her with.
“The thing with this dog is that he’s extremely easy to teach, so long as you make your commands and actions clear and consistent,” Brett told her. “You don’t have to be Sam, but you do have to understand how he learns.”
“Do you mean like how they need to be rewarded by play?”
Brett grinned. “Exactly. This dog was chosen for the dog detection unit because when we tested him as a youngster, his commitment to a game of ball was unwavering.”
“So I need to play with him?” she asked, staring down at the dog.
“Yeah, you need to play with him, and you need to let him be with you all the time, because that’s how Sam treated him whenever they were together.”
Jamie was laughing and he loved seeing her happy, as if for a moment they were both here for any reason other than because of what had happened—that they were just two friends catching up under the sun, like old times.
“You guys always act so tough, but when it comes to your dogs, you’re like marshmallows.”
“It’s part of the bonding process, you know that,” he told her, pretending to be offended. “And we are tough, I’ll have you know.”
“Yeah, that’s what you all tell each other, but really? You’re just lonely when you’re away and want a warm body in your bed to snuggle up to.”
Brett laughed, unable to help himself. “How did you figure us all out so fast, huh?”
Jamie held up her hand to shield her face from the sun. “So are we just going to start with the basics?”
He nodded. “Why don’t we run through sit, stay and heel, then I’ll teach you how to play with a ninety-pound canine. Sound good?”
The smile she gave him made him drop his gaze, focus on the dog instead, because he was walking a dangerous line between helping out a friend’s widow and wanting to be here because he’d always liked Jamie and still did.
And if he were honest with himself, it’s why he’d taken so long to come back. It hadn’t just been about his injury, it hadn’t just been because he was struggling to come to terms with losing his best human friend and his canine best friend, it was because when it came to Jamie, he didn’t trust himself. He could have all the best intentions in the world, but without Sam here, he was screwed.
* * *
Jamie watched as Brett moved across the grass, Bear running along beside him and then bounding ahead to catch the ball.
“You just need to have fun with him,” Brett called out. “Let him know you love playing just as much as he does.”
She couldn’t help but laugh at them as they charged around her small lawn.
“It’s not about the space, it’s the quality of time you spend with him. He wants you to guide him, to be his leader and his equal, too. He will always look to you for direction, because that’s what he’s been trained to do.”
“So in other words he wants me to be his wife?”
They both laughed and she watched as Brett nodded to the dog to follow him.
“You must miss your dog,” she said, wishing she could take the words back the moment they left her lips.
Brett’s mouth fixed in a hard line, his jaw clamped before he took a visibly deep breath. “Every goddamn day,” he told her, running a hand through his short brown hair. “Teddy hardly left my side in four years. It was like he always knew what I was thinking before I’d even thought it myself. And then...”
Jamie felt like her breath had died in her throat, her lungs refusing to cooperate. The day Teddy had died had been the day Sam had died, too.
They stared at one another. She watched as Brett swallowed. Neither of them wanted to talk about that day, because somehow Brett had made it home and her husband and Brett’s dog had been killed. She wished the comment had never come out of her mouth, but it wasn’t like she could take it back.
“Have you had any ongoing veterinary care for Bear? I’m hoping after all he did for the army that he’s on a full pension.”
He’d changed the subject but only just, although she wasn’t complaining.
“When I collected him he was pretty much healed, on the outside at least,” Jamie told him. “He had a bandaged paw still and lots of missing or singed fur, but they made sure he was almost back to health before letting me take him. And they seemed to look after him pretty well when he was quarantined.”
“I was the one who carried him back to the truck,” Brett told her, his voice low. “He managed to come toward me, but the ringing in his ears must have been as bad as it was in mine because he couldn’t even walk in a straight line, and his paws and legs were badly burned. There was no part of me that could have tried to get away without helping him, and it was like he wanted to do the same for me.”
Jamie refused to look away, no matter how uncomfortable the conversation was making her, because she knew how hard it must have been for Brett to talk about what had happened, even just a little.
“I can’t believe you even managed to lift him, after what had happened to you,” she said softly.
Brett dropped to his haunches and slung his arm around the dog. “If it hadn’t been for this boy,” he said, stroking the dog’s fur as he spoke, “everyone in that truck would have died that day. It wasn’t until I collapsed that I realized why my body was burning so bad, what a mess my leg was, and then I passed out from the pain and shock. Bear was braver than any of us.”
Brett was staring past her now, and Jamie didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. It was so nice having him here, having a familiar face to chat to, that she wanted to make sure he stayed for the afternoon.
“What do you say we take him for a walk?” she suggested.
Brett smiled, clearly relieved she’d changed the subject completely.
“Do you usually take him out?” he asked.
She grimaced. “It’s not that I don’t want to, but he’s kind of massive and I’m worried I won’t be able to control him if we come across another dog or something.”
Brett shook his head. “Did that husband of yours teach you nothing about this dog?”
She laughed. “No, because it was like they shared the same brain! Bear just did what Sam wanted him to do, like they had some silent communication thing going on, and he went everywhere with him so it wasn’t like I was ever in sole charge.”
Brett sighed. “Fair call.” He followed her inside and stood back as she locked the doors. “How about you tell me what you’d like to do with him?”
She checked the side door was locked before gathering Bear’s lead from a drawer and facing Brett.
“I guess I want to be able to walk down for a coffee and sit without worrying how to handle him if there’s another big dog coming toward us. And walk through the park, throw a ball for him and know he’ll come back when he’s off the leash, that sort of thing.”
Brett opened the front door and held it open for her, waiting as she clipped the leash to Bear’s collar.
“He’s too well-trained to have a fight with another dog, and he will never, ever chase a ball and not bring it back to you. It’s why he made the squad in the first place.”
“Were you with Sam the day he chose him?”
Brett shook his head. “No, but I remember him being so excited that he’d finally found the perfect partner. Bear was with a family who loved him, but they were moving overseas and had put him up for adoption. When Sam went to see him, he tested him out with a ball and he knew straight away that the black giant was going to be his sidekick.”
They fell into a comfortable rhythm, walking side by side.
“Is it okay to talk about him?” Brett asked, his voice an octave lower.
The question took her by surprise. “Yes.” They walked for a bit more before she continued. “I mean, it’s hard, it’s always hard, but it’s nice talking about him with you.”
“I half expect him to be at the house when we get back,” Brett said with a smile. “Waiting to give me a telling off about hanging out with his wife.”
“Yeah.” Jamie was smiling, too, but it was bittersweet. “I guess I’d become so used to him going away on tours, so for me it just seems like this has just been an especially long one. Like I’m just waiting for him to fly home and pick up where we left off.” It had been the same when her dad had never come home from deployment—like one day he’d just walk through the door again and everything would go back to normal.
“If it’s too hard having me here...”
“No,” she blurted. “Having you here is the only good thing that’s happened to me in a long while, so please don’t think you’re making me uncomfortable. It’s the complete opposite.”
* * *
Brett was pleased she wanted him here, but every time they talked about Sam made him feel plain weird for being with Jamie, just the two of them. Lucky they had the dog as a distraction, because it meant they had something to focus on other than the fact that nothing was like it had been the last time they’d seen one another.
“So you just give him a gentle reminder if he walks ahead of you by pulling the lead back,” he told her, closing his hand over it and showing her, “and telling him to heel, but you’re probably not going to need to do that very often.”
Brett didn’t move his hand when Jamie’s brushed past it, fingers almost closing over his before she realized. It was stupid—they’d touched plenty in the past—but having her warm skin against his reminded him of all the reasons why he shouldn’t have been here. Because there had been a time when he’d wished he’d asked Jamie out, before she’d met Sam, and they were dangerous thoughts to be remembering now that she was his friend’s widow.
“Brett, I don’t want to bring up what happened again, but I need to ask you one question.”
He cleared his throat and turned to face her. “Shoot.” So long as he didn’t have to relive what had happened again, he’d tell her what she needed to know. Those memories caught up on him enough without voluntarily calling on them.
“I keep thinking about the army sending Bear back, once they’d made the decision to retire him. Is it normal for them to care for a dog like that, even though their career is over, and then pay to send them home?”
Brett couldn’t help smiling at her. Trust Jamie to have figured out that it wasn’t exactly protocol, especially when the handler was no longer alive and able to fight for his dog.
“Let’s just say that me and the other boys put a fair amount of pressure on our superiors to make sure Bear had a good retirement. I didn’t know he’d be given back to you, but there aren’t that many dogs in the world capable of what he did on a daily basis, and it wasn’t exactly a tough call to send him home a hero.”
Jamie reached out to him, took him completely by surprise as her hand stayed in place on his shoulder.
“Well then I guess I owe you a pretty big thanks,” she said, throwing him a smile that made him want to look away, because that smile had always teased him and he didn’t want to think about her like that, not now. “It means a lot to have him here, even if I’m kind of hopeless at the whole business of looking after a dog.”
Brett fought not to shrug her hand off, and was pleased when it just dropped away.
“So which café are we going to?”
* * *
“Skinny latte?”
Jamie looked up. “How did you guess?”
He chuckled and ordered, before peering into the cabinet with her. “And I’m also guessing that you want something sweet. Maybe the chocolate peppermint slice?”
Jamie kept staring at the rows of food, trying to ignore the slice so she wasn’t completely predictable. In the end she gave in to her sweet tooth. “Okay, how about we share a piece?”
She walked back outside to where they’d left Bear, not liking the idea of just tying him up and leaving him beside a table.
“He’s fine,” Brett said, pulling her chair out for her and then taking the seat opposite.
“I can see that. It just seems foreign to me,” she told him.
“This dog won’t let you down. Trust me. His manners will be better than most of the people in here.”
Jamie rolled her eyes, but she knew he was probably right. And she also knew that Brett pulling her chair out for her was the kind of gentlemanly thing that not many guys did anymore. Her husband had, so she was used to it, and she liked being treated like a woman.
Brett’s mobile rang and he punched a button to silence it before answering and mouthing sorry to her. Jamie touched Bear’s head, stroking his fur, not looking at Brett. But she couldn’t help but take notice of what he was saying. The fact that it was Logan, her husband’s other best buddy, made her want to frown and smile simultaneously.
Part of her was liking being with Brett, but another part of her, like a pang of hunger gnawing at her stomach, wanted Sam back here, too. So she could sit and listen to them talk and laugh and be boys, like she always had. Her husband, Brett and Logan.
Brett cleared his throat and Jamie’s eyes snapped up to meet his. She had no idea whether he was waiting for her to say something, or whether he was just watching her.
“Jamie, what do you say?” he asked.
She raised her eyebrows, wishing she hadn’t been daydreaming. “To what?”
“Logan’s in town for the next week and he wanted to know if you’re free tonight. We thought we’d go grab a few drinks, catch up.”
Jamie liked that they were trying to include her, but she didn’t want to be a third wheel. “You guys just hang out. You don’t need to ask me along.”
Brett put his hand over the phone and leaned toward her, eyes never leaving hers. “Please come,” he said, reaching for her with his other hand, fingers closing over hers. “I’ll pick you up on my way and drop you at your door at the end of the night. Come out and have fun, we both want to take you out.”
She looked from his eyes to his fingers over hers, wished that it was just a platonic gesture, that his skin against hers wasn’t sending a shiver up and down her spine.
“Okay,” she said, not needing any more convincing.
Brett grinned and pulled away, leaning back in his chair again and discussing details with Logan. She was pleased their coffees arrived at the same time as he hung up, needing something to distract her. Somehow she’d gone from hanging out with her husband’s friend, to being on edge about agreeing to a night out. It was only supposed to be an evening with friends, so why was her stomach twisting like she was going on a first date?
“Sugar?”
Jamie nodded and reached for it, careful not to touch Brett’s hand again.
“So Logan’s back for a while, too?” she asked.
“He’s still working, but he’s based in Australia indefinitely.”
“And you’re sure he was okay about me tagging along on a boys’ night?”
Brett cut the chocolate peppermint slice into two pieces and nudged one in her direction. “Since when are you not allowed to tag along on a boys’ night? I don’t recall Sam ever leaving you at home when we used to catch up.”
“True.” Brett was right, she had always hung out with them. But now that it was just her, she didn’t want them feeling sorry for her and feeling like they had to include her.
“When was the last time you went out?” he asked.
“Can I pass on that question?” Jamie laughed and took a bite of the slice. “It’s been a while.”
“If another guy so much as looks at you he’ll have me to deal with, so you’re in safe hands.”
Jamie picked at some chocolate and then took a sip of coffee, because she didn’t want to make eye contact with Brett. There was only one guy she was worried about, and he was sitting directly across from her. He might trust himself, but she wasn’t entirely sure that her thoughts were as pure.
CHAPTER THREE
JAMIE PADDED BAREFOOT into the kitchen and fed Bear. She poured herself a glass of water and leaned on the counter, slowly drinking it, concentrating on the cool liquid and how it felt as she swallowed. It was the only thing she could think of to calm her nerves, other than going for a run, and after the time she’d spent in the shower and doing her hair, she had no intention of getting sweaty.
What was she doing?
It wasn’t the fact that she was going out that was making her feel guilty, because she was in desperate need of doing something fun that got her out of the house. Her problem was that she couldn’t stop thinking about Brett, and it was making her feel things that she had no right to feel.
She’d dolled herself up, made more of an effort than she had in months to look good, and it was Brett she was trying to impress. It was as if all the years of flirting had finally caught up with them, and with Sam not here, things were starting to feel awkward, fast. Or maybe not so much awkward as exciting.
“Brett is forbidden. Brett is my friend,” she muttered, realizing that she was looking at her dog as if he were part of the conversation. “Tell me I’m crazy, Bear. I’m crazy, aren’t I?”
He just stared up at her, pausing, before going back to eating his dinner.
Jamie sighed and dumped her water glass in the sink before walking back to her bedroom and looking at the clothes she’d thrown on the bed. She had her little black dress, a pair of satin pants and a sexy top, and her favorite skinny jeans. She reached for the dress and held it up, looking at her reflection in the floor-length mirror behind the door.
She wanted to wear the dress. She wanted to make Brett notice her. She wanted to feel sexy.
Jamie stripped down to her underwear and slipped on the dress. She was about to reach for a pair of five-inch black heels that she’d never worn before, that were just stuck in her closet, when her hand stopped moving. Everything stopped. Because just above her shoe rack, hanging on a little hook, was her husband’s dog tag on its silver chain.
Jamie slowly reached for it, fingers clasping the cool metal, tracing over the tag that she’d spent so many hours staring at since he’d gone. The same tag that she’d often touched when they’d been lying together, in bed on a lazy morning....
“If anything ever happened to you, would they give me this?”
Sam frowned. “Nothing’s going to happen to me, baby, but yeah. They would.”
She reached for it again, turning it over and reading the inscription out aloud. “Samuel Harvey Mattheson. O positive.”
“Are you going to recite all my vitals, too?”
Jamie lay her head on Sam’s bare chest, still holding his tag as she shut her eyes.
“Don’t ever leave me, Sam. You have to promise to come home.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Baby, I’m coming home. Haven’t I always told you that nothing could keep me away from you?”
“How can you be so sure?” She kissed his chest, lips against his warm skin, before moving up and kissing his mouth, trying to stop tears from falling down her cheeks and onto his face.
“If I don’t, then promise me you’ll wear this. I don’t ever want you to forget me, Jamie....”
Jamie had sunk to the floor, tears pricking her eyes then falling in a slow, steady trickle down her cheeks and into her mouth. What was she doing? How could she even be thinking about Brett like she had been? What was wrong with her?
But she knew. Deep down, she knew.
There had been a spark between her and Brett for years, a spark that could have easily turned into something more if they’d met at the right time, and now he was here and she was a widow. Her feelings were only natural. But they were also wrong. Being lonely wasn’t an excuse to give in to any of those feelings, not now, not ever.
Jamie reached back up for the tag and took it down, slipping it around her neck. She needed Sam close to her, wanted him close to her, and she was upset that she’d forgotten the promise she’d made to him that she’d wear it.
She also slipped back out of the dress, suddenly not wanting to make Brett notice her like that. She reached for her skinny jeans instead, paired them with heels and pulled a scoop-neck tank over her head. Jamie finished the look with a biker-style leather jacket and hoop earrings, before going back into the bathroom to fix her makeup. She smoothed foundation over her tearstains, put on some more mascara and touched up her lip gloss, before running a hand through her smooth hair—courtesy of her straightening iron.
When the doorbell rang and Bear started barking, she took one final look in the mirror and kissed Sam’s dog tag.
Tonight, he was with her, looking out for her, just like his friends were. She couldn’t stop her feelings for Brett, but she could stop herself from acting on them.
“Bear, it’s just Brett again.”
He stopped barking as soon as she spoke, but he stayed by her side as she opened the door, like he had no intention of not protecting her, even if he wasn’t allowed to bark.
“Hey,” she said, opening the door to find him standing a few steps back from the door, hands jammed in his jean pockets.
“Hey,” Brett replied, moving forward. “You look, well, wow.”
Jamie smiled, knowing she shouldn’t be so pleased that he liked the way she looked but unable to pretend otherwise. She reached for the dog tag, fingers closing around it as she looked at Brett, needing the reminder.
“You don’t look so bad yourself,” she heard herself say.
“Yeah? Well you look like you’re going to need a bodyguard to stay safe tonight.”
Jamie laughed. “Well, lucky I have two of them, huh?”
It was true—she could have worn the dress if she hadn’t been feeling so guilty, because Brett and Logan would act like her overprotective big brothers if a guy so much as looked at her too long, let alone if anyone tried anything on her.
“So shall we go?” Brett asked.
“Just let me check I’ve locked everything, and I need to grab my purse.”
She disappeared back into the kitchen and then the living room, double-checking all the locks.
“You know Bear would maul any strangers who even tried to come in here, right?”
Jamie glanced across at Brett, knew he was watching her. He quickly looked up and met her gaze when she caught him out, but it sent a ripple of delight through her body that he was staring at her, no matter what she’d been telling herself as she stood in the closet.
“So not only do I have personal bodyguards escorting me tonight, you’re telling me that I have one living in my house now? A big, furry, ninety-pound one?”
Brett held up her purse for her and waited for her to walk ahead of him down the hall. Her face flushed as she realized he could be checking out her butt.
“I’m saying that you’re safe with Bear here, and you’re definitely safe with me,” he told her, his voice a note lower than it had been earlier.
Jamie glanced over her shoulder and waited for Brett to follow her out the door. Then she locked it and looped her hand through his arm. She could have so easily dropped her head to his shoulder, given him a hug, but she didn’t want to blur the lines of their friendship. Once she wouldn’t have thought twice about touching him like that, because before it had never meant anything, but she knew he was feeling the change between them and the spark that seemed to have ignited since he’d walked back into her life.
“Thanks for taking me out tonight,” she told him, ignoring everything else and saying the one thing she needed him to hear. “I feel like I’ve been alone for a really long time, and it’s nice to just get out of the house and have fun.”
The taxi was waiting for them, and he opened the door for her to slide in before sitting beside her.
“Here’s to a good night,” he said, covering her knee with his hand.
But as soon as he did it, he backed off. Fast. Because the way he looked at her, the way she couldn’t help but look back at him when he touched her, must have scared him as much as it damn well terrified her.
CHAPTER FOUR
“THIS FEELS WEIRD,” Jamie said as they walked through the door of the bar.
Brett couldn’t have agreed more. He felt like they were on a date, the two of them heading out for the evening, and it didn’t help that he was thinking things he wished he wasn’t about Jamie. The music was loud but not overpowering, and because it was still early it wasn’t completely packed with people yet.
He looked around for Logan, desperate to see him. Once they found him, he could go get some drinks, leave the pair of them to catch up and deal with getting his head in the right space. It was bad enough that he’d spent the day before with Jamie, but seeing her again tonight was too much, too soon.
“There he is.”
Jamie was leaning into him, talking into his ear over the noise and the music. He looked where she was pointing, groaning as she took hold of his hand. He got it; she was probably nervous about being out on the town without her husband, was reaching to him for support. But the way he was feeling right now, he didn’t need her hand thrust into his, fingers interlaced as she walked slightly ahead of him toward Logan.
When they reached him Brett pulled his hand away and ran it through his hair instead. He needed to get it together, and fast. Logan would notice straight away if anything was going on, and he didn’t want to be interrogated by anyone—especially not his best mate. Logan would be the first person to call him to task if he knew even the half of what he’d been thinking.
“Hey, Jamie.” Logan jumped off the bar stool and wrapped his arms around her, giving her a big hug.
When he let go, Brett stepped forward and greeted him, grabbing hold of one of his hands and slapping him on the back at the same time. They hadn’t seen each other in months.
“How are you, stranger?”
Brett shrugged. “Better now I’ve seen you.”
They stared at one another, so much unsaid, but it only lasted a moment. Logan knew what had happened, would be the only person in Brett’s life who would ever come close to understanding what he’d experienced, although even he couldn’t imagine how disturbing it had been, how violent. They hadn’t seen each other in a long while, had a lot of catching up to do.
Brett shook off his thoughts. “What are we drinking? My shout.”
“Start with a beer or straight to bourbon?” Logan asked.
Jamie laughed, and Brett angled his body to better include her. He’d been so wound up in seeing Logan again that he’d almost forgotten about her. Brett touched his palm to her back, moving her forward between them and taking a step back to make room for her.
“I think we’ll start with beer. How about you?”
Jamie smiled. “Um, maybe a cocktail for me.”
Logan raised his eyebrows and Brett laughed. “So maybe we’ll start with bourbon then, if you’re hitting the strong stuff straight away.”
Jamie leaned over the counter to reach for a menu. “It’s been a looong time since I’ve been out. Can’t you tell? The only cocktail I can think of is a Cosmopolitan from Sex and the City, but there must be something else....”
“Long Island iced teas,” Logan announced. “Three of them.”
Jamie pushed her shoulders up, shrugging, an innocent expression on her face. Brett needed to warn her.
“They’re kind of potent,” he said.
Her smile was sweet enough to make him feel dirty for admiring her cleavage when she leaned forward.
“Lucky I have you two to look after me then, huh?” She put an arm around each of them, her smile infectious. “I need a night of just having fun, so order away, boys. I’m in.”
Brett did as he was told and watched her walk off with Logan, looking for a quieter, more comfortable place to sit. They all had a lot to talk about, or maybe they didn’t. Maybe tonight was about letting Jamie have fun without feeling guilty, just being there for her and making sure she had a good time and got home safely at the end of the evening.
He just had to remind himself that he would have plenty to be guilty about if he ever let himself give in to the way he was feeling about her. Brett paid for the drinks and stuffed his wallet back in his pocket, before carrying their drinks to the table. He could see Jamie leaning toward Logan, talking, touching his shoulder as they discussed something that had her smiling. Logan was rock-solid, the perfect guy to be spending time with Jamie, because he would honor his word and never do anything that would jeopardize their friendship or the one he’d had with Sam. Trouble was, it wasn’t Logan who was spending time with Jamie, because he was still working.
“Drink up,” he announced, placing the tall glasses on the table and sitting down beside Jamie.
The way she looked at him took him by surprise, made him hope that Logan hadn’t noticed it, but maybe he was just being oversensitive.
“To Sam,” Logan said, holding up his drink. “A good soldier, a damn good friend and husband to the sweetest woman I’ve ever met.”
Brett glanced at Jamie, saw her eyes were damp. He held up his own glass. “Cheers to that.”
They all took a sip, but Jamie was spluttering as soon as she’d swallowed her first mouthful.
“Are you guys trying to kill me? This stuff is like poison.”
Brett laughed. “It gets better. Just keep drinking.”
“Has Brett shown you his new tattoo?” Logan asked.
Jamie shook her head, looking at him. “Nope.” She took another sip and grimaced again.
“Brett had his done as soon as he was out of recovery, and I got mine when I touched down in Australia.”
“You have new matching ones?” she asked. “Can I see?”
Logan pushed his T-shirt up, rolling his arm around to show the words marked in black ink, curling letters over four short rows.
“‘Fight a battle for a cause that’s worth the victory. Fight a war that’s worth dying for. Remain brave in death. Honor those you love.’” Jamie stared at Logan’s arm as she finished reading the words.
Brett knew she was fighting emotion, because her voice had become low and husky, a deeper tone than he’d ever heard from her. He responded by rolling up his shirt until he could show her his matching ink, only just able to push the fabric high enough for her to see it.
Jamie turned to inspect his properly, trailing her fingers across each word as if she were writing them, committing them to memory. Her touch was light, and when her hand dropped to land on his thigh, it almost made him lose the drink he’d just reached for.
“You did these for Sam, didn’t you?” she asked.
Brett nodded when she looked at him, and Logan did the same.
“Well, they’re beautiful,” she said, dabbing her eyes with the back of her fingers. “Maybe I should get one, too?”
“No,” Brett said, faster than he’d meant to.
“I don’t think so,” Logan chimed in, almost as quickly.
Jamie raised an eyebrow, looking puzzled. “Because I’m a girl? They’re not exactly military tattoos, are they?”
Brett looked to Logan for help but didn’t receive any. He cleared his throat, not wanting to dig himself a hole that he couldn’t claw his way out of, but not having any intention of letting her ink herself.
“Your skin is beautiful and you don’t need any ink, Jamie. Don’t go rushing into anything.”
“Just keep wearing that tag,” Logan added. “It’s what he would have wanted.”
She laughed and took a hearty sip of her drink, before slowly downing the rest of it.
“Bottoms up, boys,” she announced, grinning at them over the top of her glass.
Brett and Logan exchanged looks before shrugging and following her lead.
“My round this time. Another?” Jamie asked.
They both said yes and watched her walk away, like two bodyguards ready to pounce on anyone who so much as bumped into her.
“‘Your skin is so beautiful’?” Logan mimicked, punching him in the arm. “Seriously, couldn’t you have come up with anything better than that?”
Brett glared at him. “It wasn’t like you were stepping in to help me out.”
“Yeah, I was too busy watching you swooning over her. You know she’s out of bounds, right? Because I’ll...”
Brett gave him a playful shove, trying to laugh the comment off. “You don’t have to tell me, I know.”
“I miss him, Brett. I seriously miss him.”
Brett leaned back in his seat, watching Jamie at the bar as she leaned toward the bartender to place her order. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed the dog tag she was wearing around her neck, but then he’d been trying his hardest not to look at her chest, and the way the tag was being swallowed by her breasts... Brett cleared his throat. That wasn’t something he needed to think about right now. Sam had been like his surrogate brother, and he would never disrespect anyone he considered family.
“I can’t stop thinking about that day. It’s screwed up, Logan. The things I saw, what happened, I just wish I could forget it all, for good.”
Brett shut his eyes, blocked the memories out, doing what he always did. Because forcing them away was a damn sight easier than dealing with them, and he didn’t want to go there, not now.
“I’m going to go help her carry the drinks back,” he announced, needing to move.
Before Logan guessed that he also couldn’t stop thinking about Jamie, in all the wrong ways.
* * *
Jamie leaned back into Brett, eyes shut, the room starting to spin. She’d had three cocktails, but she wasn’t exactly used to drinking and it felt like three too many.
“I don’t feel so good.”
Brett’s arm was suddenly looped around her shoulders, holding her closer to his body. She opened her eyes to look at Logan, but he was starting to blur.
“I think someone needs something to eat,” Logan said.
“And water,” she mumbled.
Logan jumped up and gave her what she guessed was a salute. “Glass of water and greasy fries coming up.”
She tucked back tighter into Brett, starting to feel sleepy.
“Thanks for looking after me.”
His chuckle made his chest vibrate beneath her ear.
“They were pretty potent,” he told her, his hold on her shoulders loosening as he bent forward to retrieve his drink. “We shouldn’t have let you have more than two.”
Jamie groaned. “You’re going to take me home, right?” She didn’t want to have to flag a taxi on her own in the dark, not to mention go home to an empty house. Most nights, she tried to remind herself why she was okay alone, but tonight her brain just wasn’t cooperating.
“We weren’t exactly going to get you drunk then let you find your own way home.”
Jamie shut her eyes again, wishing she had only had two drinks. They’d been having so much fun, and she hadn’t been out in so long.
“Brett, can you stay with me tonight?” she asked.
Jamie thought she felt his body stiffen, but maybe she was imagining it.
“Ah, I’m not sure,” he said. “I’ll see you home, though.”
Jamie shook her head and turned, hand on Brett’s shoulder as she stared up at him. “Please? I just don’t want to be alone tonight.”
He looked down at her and she couldn’t read his face. Having her eyes shut and sitting still for a few minutes had made the spinning stop, but she was still feeling less than average.
“If you still want me to stay when we get to your place, then I will,” he finally said. “Just don’t go saying anything to Logan because he’ll go off and get the wrong idea and I don’t need him getting all crazy protective over you.”
She smiled up at him, leaning in to kiss his cheek. It was warm and slightly stubbled, but where she kissed him was soft enough to make her want to keep her lips there. Jamie had only meant it as an innocent thank-you, but she could have easily moved slightly to the left, kissed his lips instead. She was staring at them, eyes unable to leave his mouth, even as his hand came up between them and gently pushed her back into her seat.
“Let’s not do anything we’d regret sober, okay?”
Brett’s voice was soft, but the hungry eyes staring back at her were telling a different story entirely.
“Who’s hungry?”
Logan had returned with the bar food, which looked perfect and greasy.
“Me, please,” she responded, her thigh pressed to Brett’s as she leaned forward. She was telling herself she needed it there to anchor her in place, keep her steady, but she knew better.
She was drunk and coming on to her husband’s friend. It was a hundred shades of wrong, but it felt every shade of right. Jamie reached for a fry and dunked it in ketchup, closing her eyes with delight at the salty, greasy taste.
“These are sooo good,” she murmured.
Logan laughed. “Drunk as a skunk.”
She didn’t care what they said. Tonight had been better than good, it had been amazing. For the first time in forever, she felt like herself again, and it had been a long time coming.
Because for a while there, she’d wondered if she’d lost that Jamie forever.
* * *
Jamie held on to Brett’s arm as she stepped out of the taxi, and she didn’t let it go as they walked to her front door. He hadn’t said anything about staying or not staying, and even though she’d sobered up a heap, she still didn’t want to be alone. Nights like tonight brought everything crashing back to her, even though it had been over a decade ago.
It had been pitch-black outside, and she’d been tucked under a blanket, alone, waiting for her mom to come home. She knew she’d be drunk, but she wanted to wait for her to come back. When the door had opened, she’d stayed still, not made a sound, knowing her mom would just make her way upstairs and collapse on her bed.
Only it hadn’t been her mom. She’d hidden, terrified, as two men in balaclavas had burgled their house, never making a noise so they wouldn’t know anyone was home. Tears had choked in her throat, but she’d stayed silent, wishing that her dad had made it back. Knowing that if he’d been alive, her mom would still be holding it together, that she would have been safe.
“So here we are,” Brett said when they reached the door, jolting her from her thoughts.
She fumbled in her bag for her keys and called out to Bear as his loud bark boomed through the door. Letting her memories take hold was not something she usually let happen, not that easily.
“Just me,” she told her dog, “it’s only me.”
His barking stopped and she turned the key. Brett leaned past her and pushed the door, standing his ground as she dropped to give the dog a cuddle and then usher him back inside.
“Are you going to be okay on your own?” he asked, looking uncomfortable, hands jammed in his pockets.
Jamie wasn’t going to lie to him, especially not now. “I’ve never been okay on my own,” she admitted. “Every time Sam went away, I’d pretend to be all brave because I didn’t want him worrying about me, but when he was on tour I hardly ever went out unless I could be back before dark. I was just too nervous coming home to an empty house.”
His expression changed, his face sad. “Is it better with Bear here?”
She nodded. “Yeah, a little.”
“You still want me to stay tonight, don’t you?”
Jamie nodded again. Relief took away the tightness in her shoulders as she realized she was actually going to have someone in the house. That Brett, one of the people she trusted most in the world, was going to be sleeping under her roof, protecting her, letting her have a good night’s sleep without her worrying about every creak or rustle outside the window. Without her thinking someone might find their way into her home.
Brett smiled when she stepped back, and he walked into the house and locked the door behind him.
“I’ll just bunk on the sofa,” he said, following her into the kitchen.
“I can make up the spare bed,” she told him, flicking on a light and fumbling in the pantry for coffee. “I don’t want you being uncomfortable.”
“Hey,” Brett said, coming up behind her and taking the coffee. “You go sit down, I’ll make us both a cup. I’m sure your head could do without all the movement, might help the pounding stop.”
His hand over hers made her freeze, and she resisted the urge to push back into him, to rock her body back into his like she was so desperate to do. She craved his touch like a desperate woman who’d never had the pleasure of a man before.
“Go sit on the sofa,” he ordered, voice low.
Jamie reluctantly did as she was told, listening to Brett as he moved around the kitchen. She flopped onto the big sofa, tucked up against a cushion, eyes back on him as he stirred two cups and then carried them over. He placed them down and went to sit on the armchair.
“It’s way more comfy over here,” she told him.
He hesitated before coming over to sit beside her. Jamie tucked her feet up and changed position, her body against Brett’s instead of the oversized cushion. Now she had an oversized, warm, muscled man to lean into.
“Thanks for tonight,” she told him.
“My pleasure,” he responded, staying still but looking down at her.
Jamie knew she was still a little drunk, that she needed to just sleep it off and not do anything stupid, but ever since she’d kissed Brett at the bar, on the cheek, she’d thought of nothing other than his lips; his full, kissable lips.
Before she knew what she was doing, she reached up to touch his face, tracing her fingers over his mouth before leaning on him and putting her lips there. It was a sweet kiss, a warm kiss, a kiss that made her skin tingle. And it wasn’t easy to pull back from. Brett didn’t resist, didn’t push her away, but he didn’t move closer, either. He just moved his lips enough for her to know that he was kissing her back, that he wanted it, too. Or at least that’s what she wanted to think.
He didn’t say anything when she pulled away, and neither did she. Brett reached for a cushion, put it at the end of the sofa and leaned back into it, letting her fall down against him. She put her head against his chest, tucked up beside him, like a cat purring into his hold as he put his arm around her.
She should have gone and found a blanket to keep them warm, but she didn’t want to move and Brett was warm and snuggly even without anything covering them. Instead she shut her eyes and let sleep catch her and wrap her in its equally warm embrace. She couldn’t have fought it if she tried, and Jamie had a feeling that for once she might actually sleep through the entire night without waking, terrified, like she usually did.
* * *
Brett stared down at Jamie. She was asleep, he could hear the change in her breathing, but it didn’t make him even close to being sleepy himself.
Jamie, Sam’s wife, had just kissed him. And he’d done nothing to stop it and everything to encourage it.
Granted, he’d had a lot to drink, but not enough to make him drunk or to make him forget that she was forbidden. Even Logan had reminded him, just in case he’d managed to forget himself, that she was the one woman he wasn’t supposed to think about, like that. And yet she’d come on to him and he’d willingly accepted her advances.
But then he’d known he was a goner tonight from the moment she’d traced her fingers down his inner arm, along the words of his tattoo, and he’d known he was incapable of doing the right thing when she’d kissed his cheek in the bar. The heat of her breath against his skin, her warm lips, the look in her eyes...like she wanted him, trusted him and needed him, all rolled into one stare. Into one gentle touch that he found one hundred percent irresistible.
Brett groaned, but there was no getting away from her, not now that she was clutching his shirt between her fingers and her head was tucked against his chest like it was her own personal pillow to snuggle up into.
The light in the kitchen was still on, but unless he could teach the dog how to turn it off, he was just going to have to shut his eyes and do his best to ignore it.
He caught sight of Bear watching him, head between his paws, eyebrows raised.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Brett told him, scowling.
He didn’t need a damn dog to make him feel even more guilty than he already felt.
“And don’t you be forgetting that I saved your life,” he muttered, before shutting his eyes.
The truth was that Bear had saved all of them that day. He’d stopped after Sam had sent him out, body dead-still, tail quivering, head cocked to the side. It had been Bear who’d alerted them to the bomb—only trouble was that it wasn’t a standard improvised explosive device. This IED had been remote-detonated, most likely from a local hiding where they hadn’t been able to find him. Someone watching, in wait, to explode an entire 4x4 full of SAS soldiers, wanting to blow them all into pieces.
Sam and Brett’s dog had been the casualties that day, so maybe he should be showing Bear some respect and thanking him for saving his life.
He shut his eyes, knowing sleep wouldn’t come easily, because it never did these days. If he managed to fall asleep, he’d wake up in a sweat and twisted in his sheets, mind full of the darkness of that day he was trying so hard to forget. And then he’d lie awake, scared of shutting his eyes again because of the memories that flashed like scenes from a movie beneath his eyelids.
CHAPTER FIVE
WHEN BRETT WOKE up, the pain in his leg and back hit him straight away. He was all crooked from lying flat, and when he tried to move, he realized he couldn’t. Because the woman he’d just been having an erotic dream about was still attached to his chest, her long hair splayed out across him, arm slung down low, cheek to his heart.
He shut his eyes again, remembering how uncomfortable it had been carrying a hundred-and-fifty-pound pack when he was on patrol with the SAS. At least Jamie was warm and... He swallowed away that particular thought. Now he just had to hope that she didn’t wake up for a little bit longer, so she didn’t have to wonder if it was a gun or if he was just pleased to see her when she realized where her hand was resting.
But...he’d slept. He’d dreamed about Jamie. And he wasn’t wet with sweat. Which meant that last night was the first night he’d actually slept through, without nightmares, since that day.
When Brett opened his eyes again, Bear was staring back at him, his nose right beside his face, as if he’d just been waiting for them to wake up.
“Hey, buddy,” he whispered, receiving a giant lick in reply.
Jamie groaned then and wriggled closer against him, her arm flinging across his chest. He kept one hand on her to keep her in place, not wanting her to fall off the sofa if she stretched the other way. Another low groan told him she perhaps wasn’t a morning person, or that her head was starting to thump.
“Want some pain meds?” he asked, keeping his voice low.
She went still, then put her palm flat on his chest and pushed up. Her hair was all messy, curlier than he’d ever seen it, and her eyes were smudged. She looked lazy and sexy all rolled into one.
“I slept on you.”
He chuckled. “We still have our clothes on, so don’t worry.”
She didn’t smile, so he was guessing his joke wasn’t in the best taste, but she did flop back down on top of him, face buried in his chest again.
“My head kind of hurts,” she muttered. “And don’t even try to tell me I don’t look like crap, because I know I do.”
He laughed. “You actually look pretty good.”
Funny how he could go from freaking out to joking with her in two seconds flat, and he wasn’t lying, either.
“Warmed-up crap,” she muttered. “That’s even worse than straight crap, right?”
Brett pushed her gently off him and stretched, being careful to flex his leg before standing up. He’d missed a few physical therapy sessions since he’d been back, and the last thing he needed was to do damage to his just-recovered leg because he was too lazy to stretch.
“I’m going to get you a glass of water and something for your head. Where do you keep the meds?”
“In the bathroom,” she mumbled.
Brett stood and crossed the room. If he were going to pretend like he was here just to protect her, to look after her, he may as well do something to actually be helpful.
* * *
Jamie excused herself, went up to her bathroom and took a long shower. She just stood there under the burning hot water, letting it pour down her face and hair. Her head had stopped pounding, thanks to the tablets she’d just swallowed, but she was still feeling a lot less perky than she usually did.
She forced herself to step out of the shower and wrapped a massive towel around her small frame, using a different one to dry her long hair. After what had happened last night she was in no hurry to rush back downstairs to Brett, not after she’d gone ahead and kissed him. Her only hope was that maybe he thought she’d been too drunk to remember it. She wished.
Jamie rubbed moisturizer onto her body, then applied some makeup, smoothing on some foundation, then mascara, blush and lip gloss. She didn’t want to look like she’d gone to too much effort, but then she didn’t want him to see her looking hungover with no makeup on, either.
She heard a noise behind her and jumped, but it was only Bear. The last thing she needed was Brett walking in on her naked, wearing only a dog tag around her neck. The dog tag that was supposed to remind her, no matter what, that a certain friend of her husband’s was out of bounds.
“Hey, buddy.” Bear was staring at her with his head cocked to the side, and she was pleased to think about something other than her behavior the night previous. “You hungry?”
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Soraya Lane
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: You can′t help who you fall for…Six months after her husband′s death, Jamie knows she has to start living again. And when fellow soldier Brett Palmer turns up, Jamie knows it′s fate. Brett is the only other person who can make her feel alive again.Brett swore he would protect Jamie, but being so close to her is driving him insane. So Brett does everything he can to fight their connection. Until the words slip out–he′s always loved her. With a second chance staring them both in the face, there is no going back….