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Tempestuous Affair
Carole Mortimer
Carole Mortimer is one of Mills & Boon’s best loved Modern Romance authors. With nearly 200 books published and a career spanning 35 years, Mills & Boon are thrilled to present her complete works available to download for the very first time! Rediscover old favourites - and find new ones! - in this fabulous collection…More than his mistress…?After his brother’s suicide—at the hand of his sister-in-law’s devastating lies—Joel Sutherland no longer believes in love and has vowed to avoid commitment altogether. But that doesn’t mean he can’t make Lindsey Pope his mistress…!The last six months have been the happiest of Lindsey’s life, and also the most heart-wrenching. Her decision to leave Joel is not easy. Joel had made his position painfully clear. But she can’t stand being Joel’s mistress any longer, not when she wants so much more…




Tempestuous Affair
Carole Mortimer


www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)

Table of Contents
Cover (#u962da26b-3fbf-53a4-a6c3-fc3391d14606)
Title Page (#ud2e8f523-0c33-5bdf-b560-83cc27054b61)
CHAPTER ONE (#u99886d20-b1c7-53f6-a6d2-a288f4e22ce2)
CHAPTER TWO (#ua5e275ae-9c8b-576c-aa75-ead4cfcdf144)
CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_6f37723d-8372-5ed3-ad39-52a5f26fe8ab)
‘LINDSAY? Lindsay, open this door, damn you!’
She wasn’t distressed or shocked by the cold anger in Joel’s voice as he shouted through the thickness of her closed flat door; she had been expecting him, and this reaction. She hadn’t known at what time, or even precisely what day, but she had known he would come here as soon as he returned from his business trip. Maybury would have told him, of course. And he was far from pleased—as she had known he would be.
‘Lindsay,’ his voice had lowered now, becoming cajoling. ‘Let me in and we can talk.’
Talk. It had never got them anywhere in the past, and she doubted very much that it would get them anywhere now.
‘Lindsay, please!’
His pleading was her undoing. Joel Sutherland never pleaded for anything, least of all for a woman to talk to him; there were so many others who were only too willing to do a lot more than that! The fact that he was pleading with her now only enhanced how desperate he was that they should at least talk.
She moved forward with naturally graceful movements, the golden hair level with her jaw framing the beauty of her face, a face that until minutes ago had been ravaged with indecision. But none of that showed now, in her green almond-shaped eyes surrounded by light brown lashes, her nose small and pert, her perfectly formed bow of a mouth made to look even more provocative by the deep rose-coloured lipgloss she wore. She had the face and body of a model, but more intelligence than to involve herself in such a precarious and shortlived profession. The laughter lines beside her eyes seemed to indicate that she enjoyed what she did with her life, and that life liked her too.
But she wasn’t enjoying her life right now, as she opened the door apprehensively to Joel, knowing from experience that the next half an hour or so wasn’t going to be pleasant. She hadn’t been his secretary for the past year without realising that, and she knew that when things were going well for him no one could be more charming, but when things were going badly …! Objects had been known to fly across the room at such times. And she had a feeling this was going to be one of those times!
Joel didn’t wait for her to do more than unlock the door, pushing it open forcefully as he strode angrily into the room, looking about him with narrowed eyes, as if he hadn’t expected her to be alone. He turned back to look at her as she slowly closed the door. ‘Where is he?’ he bit out.
Her frown of puzzlement was completely genuine; she had no idea what he was talking about. ‘Who?’
‘Roger Hillier,’ he dismissed with impatient anger. ‘Or am I too early?’ He glanced at the gold watch on his wrist. ‘Yes, I suppose I am, he doesn’t usually crawl out of bed until dusk,’ he derided with contempt.
Lindsay took a few minutes to drink in her fill of the man who held her heart in the palm of his hand. He still affected her as deeply as he had the first moment she had seen him, still made her heart flutter in her chest, her palms suddenly feel damp. At thirty-four, twelve years her senior, his dark hair showed not even a sprinkling of grey, growing thick and black in unruly disarray, in a habitual state of having those lean sensitive hands run through it. His eyes were his most dominant feature, golden when he was elated or pleased, tawny when he was angry. There was no doubt about what colour they were now! A long thin nose jutted out above the full sensuality of his mouth, his jaw was square and firm. It wasn’t a handsome face by any stretch of the imagination; what it was was strong, telling of the power he wielded day after day with the expertise of his camera. Unlike many of his contemporaries he chose to shun the use of casual denims and shirts for the main part, claiming that his clients could have more confidence in a man who didn’t look like a reject from the sixties! The success of his photographic agency seemed to indicate he was right. The fact that he looked his best in the three-piece suits he favoured, the jackets fitting over the broadness of his shoulders, the waistcoat buttoned tautly over his flat stomach, the trousers fitting snugly to his narrow hips and long muscular legs, helped, of course.
He was wearing one of those suits now, a brown one with contrasting cream shirt, his hair slightly longer than he usually wore it after a month away from his regular hairdresser. Joel looked everything that he was, powerful, successful, dynamic—and even after six months of living with him Lindsay was no nearer to knowing his complexities, let alone understanding them!
‘So when is Hillier due to arrive?’ His mouth was twisted derisively now.
‘Why?’
‘So I can have the pleasure of breaking his neck when he does, of course!’ he rasped, his eyes glittering.
Lindsay sat down with a calmness she had learnt was essential when dealing with a man like Joel. Ranting and raving back at him was exactly what he wanted, especially when he was spoiling for a fight, like now.
The pale green silk dress she wore fell silkily about her long legs as she sat, its shirtwaister style flattering to her slender figure, a bow-neck taking away any plainness in the style of the dress. Joel always liked her to dress in clothes that weren’t too fussy or frilly, and over the past months she had bought her wardrobe with him in mind.
‘Why should you imagine Roger is coming here at all?’ she asked coolly, her gaze steady.
‘Because he’s been after you for months to go and work for him,’ Joel scowled, pacing the room.
‘Is that why you persuaded me to live with you?’ she asked with bitterness.
‘I’m not that desperate to keep a secretary!’ he snapped.
‘And I’m not that desperate to find myself another job!’ Her eyes flashed warningly, deeply green.
Joel stopped his pacing long enough to look down at her, frowning darkly, the tawny eyes showing his confusion. ‘Does that mean you haven’t left me?’
‘It means I’m still your secretary,’ she told him pointedly. ‘For as long as you want me to be.’
‘And moving back to this apartment? God, I didn’t even know you had kept up the lease,’ he bit out.
Lindsay shrugged with a casualness she was far from feeling. ‘You never asked.’
‘I assumed—But it never pays to assume with you, does it!’ he accused angrily. ‘I assumed you would be at my apartment waiting for me when I got back today, and look how wrong I was about that!’ He glared at her fiercely.
‘It may have escaped your notice,’ she was still outwardly calm, although she knew from experience how quickly that could change, Joel being able to fire her temper as no one else had ever done, ‘but the six months ended while you were away.’
‘It didn’t “escape my notice” at all,’ he said furiously. ‘It just never occurred to me that you would leave.’
‘That was the agreement when I first moved in with you,’ she reminded him.
His eyes gleamed with as yet suppressed fury. ‘The agreement was that we would reassess the situation at the end of six months.’ His voice was controlled, too controlled not to be dangerous.
‘As you weren’t here I did that on my own.’
‘And moved out!’
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’ he demanded to know. ‘That’s what I can’t understand.’ Lindsay shrugged. ‘It was for the best.’
‘Whose best?’
‘Mine,’ she told him with simplicity.
He seemed to pale, as if she had inflicted a deep hurt on him. But she knew that wouldn’t be true. Joel would be the first to admit he didn’t have a heart to inflict pain to!
‘And what about me?’ he asked quietly. ‘I certainly didn’t want you to leave.’
‘I know that,’ she nodded.
‘Then why did you?’ His hands clenched into fists at his sides. ‘The last six months with you have been the best time of my life. I thought you felt the same way, in fact I would swear that you did,’ he added challengingly.
She moistened her lips with the pink tip of her tongue. The trouble with that last accusation was that she did. Living with Joel, being with him day and night for the last six months, had been the most wonderful six months she had ever known—and they had also been the most heartbreaking! She loved a man who refused to believe there was such an emotion, who scorned at those who did, so how could she ever know true happiness with him?
Oh, she had known all this about him six months ago, had been sure she could convince him otherwise when so many others had failed to do so, had moved in with him because she believed that. On the surface they were happy together, Joel being content to have her in his office with him every day, and in his bed every night, never letting her fall asleep without showing her very convincingly how much he desired and wanted her. And she had been content with those things too for a while, until it became obvious that it would never change, that Joel would only ever want her as a live-in lover and nothing more.
The only thing he had ever shared with her had been his work; his family and his life before he met her a closed book. The latter it had been easy to find out about; he was a world-renowned photographer and the press had reported his much-varied love-life the last five or six years. About his family she only knew that his parents lived in the south of England, and that he hadn’t visited them once while they lived together. It wasn’t much information to have accumulated about the man she lived with so intimately, and even that hadn’t been told to her by Joel himself. He was a very private man, so private he didn’t allow even those who cared about him close to him.
She still loved him, that would never change, but she wanted more from him, needed more. And he just didn’t have it to give. She didn’t like admitting she had failed, although she knew her mother would be relieved, never having approved of the relationship from the first. Her older sister had been the only one who understood and encouraged what she was trying to do; Judi was always there to listen when Lindsay needed someone to talk to. And that had been often since she had known Joel, the first rosy glow of being with him quickly deteriorating to uncertainty, and finally fear, a fear that had been proven when it became obvious he couldn’t love her.
‘I did,’ she began. ‘I——’
‘Did?’ he repeated harshly. ‘What’s that supposed to mean? Either you’ve liked living with me or you haven’t!’
‘I have. But——’
‘And you can’t deny that physically we’re perfect together,’ he added determinedly.
Lindsay blushed under his narrow-eyed stare. There was no denying what had been obvious from their first night together, when as a complete novice when it came to making love she had been initiated into a world of sensuality with a tenderness and an expertise that had meant she knew none of the pain she had associated with that dreaded ‘first time’. Joel had been elated at the idea of being her first lover, and had gone on to teach her every physical intimacy there was between a man and a woman. That part of their relationship had only got better as time went on, even Lindsay’s uncertainties about their future together not affecting that.
‘You know we are,’ she mumbled. ‘But——’
‘Then what are you doing here?’ he demanded to know forcefully. ‘And why did you never mention it to me when I telephoned you at the office? Maybury said you moved out a couple of days after I went to America.’
‘That’s right, I did. And if you’d ever called me at the apartment in the evenings Maybury would have told you I’d gone.’ Joel’s manservant had had instructions to do just that. Only Joel never telephoned her in the evenings; he had been so sure that she would be waiting for him that he hadn’t found out until his return that she had flown their love-nest.
Love-nest! That was a lie in itself. She loved, Joel just wanted, only she had been too much in love to see that was all it was. Joel had her to run his office efficiently, Maybury to see that his apartment was kept clean and comfortable, and that his meals were served when and if he wanted them. The only thing left for the woman in his life to do was share his bed, and after a while that could become a little degrading. They didn’t share their thoughts, and they didn’t share their dreams, even Lindsay’s usually open manner learning caution after Joel’s first half a dozen lukewarm responses to her mentions of her family and friends. He didn’t want to meet either, feeling it would be highly hypocritical when most of them disapproved of their relationship. And maybe it would have been, but it would also have made Lindsay extremely happy!
Most of her family and friends would tell her she was a fool, that everything she now knew about Joel, his independence from all emotional relationships, his arrogance when he felt he had been slighted, his cold-blooded disregard for anyone’s feelings but his own, had all been there for her to see before she took the irrevocable step of moving in with him. And she did know it now, to her cost.
Joel looked even more angry than ever. ‘You aren’t telling me you left me simply because I didn’t have the time to call you in the evenings?’ He sounded disgusted.
Her eyes flashed. ‘I hope you know me better than that,’ she said stiffly.
‘I’m beginning to think I don’t know you at all,’ he ground out.
‘I left you because it was time to leave.’ She refused to be antagonised into losing her temper. ‘We want different things from life,’ she told him wearily.
‘I want you!’
‘But you don’t love me.’
His eyes narrowed to wary amber slits. ‘You knew that from the beginning, I told you then how it would be.’
She deserved this, although she hadn’t expected Joel to be the first to tell her, ‘I told you so’. ‘Yes,’ she sighed acknowledgement of his honesty about his feeling from the first.
‘But you expected more.’ His mouth twisted contemptuously.
She flinched at the derision in his voice. She hadn’t been expecting a belated declaration of love from him, not even for him to ask her to go back to him, but neither had she wanted him to scorn her desire, her need, for affection. He had never scorned her before, and it hurt.
‘I didn’t expect it,’ she replied quietly. ‘Although I wouldn’t have repulsed it either,’ she added huskily.
‘Lindsay?’
She stood up impatiently, her hands tightly clasped together. ‘We agreed to try living together, to see how it worked out. As far as I’m concerned it didn’t. So let it be the end of it.’
Joel swung her round, his hands rough on her arms. ‘Do you love me, Lindsay?’
Tears swam in her eyes as she looked up at him, so much taller than her despite her own considerable height. ‘And if I do?’ she asked softly.
His face became a shuttered mask, his eyes bleak, his hands falling away from her as he stepped away. ‘Love was never part of our agreement.’
‘Then it’s as well I don’t love you, isn’t it?’ She looked at him with challenge in her eyes, knowing by the narrowed suspicion of his that he wasn’t sure whether to believe her or not. Pride came to her rescue as she sensed his indecision. ‘I only made a supposition, Joel,’ she dismissed lightly. ‘I don’t love you or any other man. But I do want more from a relationship than you can give me.’
His mouth was a thin angry line. ‘Such as?’ he rasped.
She shrugged, putting her hands in the hip pockets of her dress so that he shouldn’t see them shaking. ‘Like sharing, giving, maybe even a little fun.’ She met his gaze steadily. ‘You’re so intent on keeping your emotions in check that you’ve forgotten even how to have that! Do you realise that the only times we’ve been out you’ve taken me to respectable restaurants or equally respectable clubs?’
‘Would you rather I’d taken you to unrespectable ones?’ he demanded exasperatedly.
‘You’re missing my point, Joel,’ she sighed.
‘I’m not sure you even know what that is!’
She blushed at his scorn, knowing he would never understand what she was trying to tell him, his emotions so firmly controlled that he couldn’t understand her need to share laughter and tears with him. ‘Okay, so maybe those two examples weren’t very good ones,’ she admitted. ‘All I’m trying to explain is that you never shared things with me. You shut me out of everything but your bed. And although that may be enough for some women it isn’t for me!’
‘Isn’t it?’
Lindsay swallowed hard at the dangerous softness of his voice, her senses instantly alerted. And she was right to feel nervous as she was pulled back against him, his arms about her waist as his lips nuzzled against her throat.
She groaned as the usual lethargy possessed her when he took her in his arms, trembling as his hands moved up to cup her breasts over the green silky dress, her nipples flowering to his touch after the weeks without him. He knew her so well, knew that her breasts were the most sensitive part of her body, gently squeezing her nipples between thumbs and fingers with just enough pressure to cause the pleasure-pain that made her weak at the knees.
She turned eagerly into his arms, needing to feel his lips on hers, wanting so much more than he was giving.
‘You see, Lindsay?’ He looked down at her triumphantly. ‘This is all that really counts.’
She was too aroused to be alarmed by his obvious satisfaction in her instantaneous response, already able to see them together in her imagination, their legs entwined, their naked bodies pressed together as they gave each other fulfilment that went beyond even the imagination.
All her plans to remain immune to him were forgotten as he plundered her mouth with ruthless intent, his fingers nimbly releasing the buttons down the front of her dress, smoothing the material down her arms to fall unheeded about her narrow waist. He cupped her bared breasts in his hands, his thumbtips moving across the already hardened tips to cause spasms of delight to course through her body, his tongue now penetrating the warm cavern of her mouth with rhythmic eroticism.
As he bent his head to claim first one nipple into his mouth with a sucking motion, and then the other, Lindsay’s fingers became entangled in the dark unruliness of his hair, pressing him against her as his tongue flicked erotically over the hardened nipple, barely aware of him unbuttoning his own clothing until his mouth moved back to hers, the heated dampness of his chest crushed abrasively against her extremely sensitive breasts.
‘Touch me, Lindsay,’ he encouraged with a groan. ‘Touch me the way I’ve dreamt of you touching me the last four weeks I’ve been away from you!’
His eyes were golden, evidence of how deeply aroused he was, and as her hand moved down to his thigh between them she could feel the physical evidence of his desire leaping against her. It had been a long time for both of them, and she could tell Joel was fast approaching the point of no return.
A sudden fear entered her at how close they were to making love, knowing that if they did that Joel would be able to persuade her to move back in with him, once again under his terms and conditions. No matter how much pain it cost her to do so, she knew she had to stop him now, before it was too late.
Her hands came up to push at his shoulders, as ineffectual as she had known they would be against his superior strength, although his eyes glittered dangerously as he sensed her withdrawal, his mouth claiming hers in a kiss of sensual demand, willing her not to turn away from him, his mouth becoming savage on hers as he sensed he was failing to convince her.
His head was raised sharply as he tasted the salt of her tears on their lips, his expression harsh as he looked down at her grief-stricken face. ‘Why are you crying?’ he rasped. ‘You’ve never cried before!’
She could see he despised the weakness, that he preferred his life to be uncomplicated by such emotions, and she pulled her dress back up her arms over her nakedness, very much aware of the nipples still pressed against the material in obvious arousal as he rebuttoned it for her.
‘Lindsay, tell me why you were crying?’ he demanded at her continued silence.
She looked at him with tear-wet eyes. ‘It’s over between us, can’t you see that?’ she choked.
His mouth twisted with derision. ‘You responded to me just now, you know you did.’
‘I told you, it isn’t enough!’
Something flickered deep in his eyes, a mixture of contempt and pity. ‘Why is it women always demand more?’ he derided bitingly. ‘I’ve given you all my time and loyalty. There’s been no one else for me since you moved in with me six months ago, and God knows I’ve had the opportunity!’
She knew that. A man as attractive as Joel, surrounded as he was every day by beautiful and desirable women, was sure to receive plenty of invitations. ‘It’s never been a question of that and you know it.’ She had never had reason to question his fidelity to her, knew that if he had wanted to be unfaithful to the tenacious relationship they had then he would simply tell her so; the one thing she knew she could always expect and get from him was honesty. No, she knew there had been no one else, and perhaps that in itself was a commitment from a man who had previously lived with no woman but made love to many. Only it still wasn’t enough for her.
‘I’m sorry,’ she told him flatly.
‘Sorry!’ he scorned. ‘For what? For leaving me? Or for leaving at a time when you knew I couldn’t stop you? Because you know damn well I would have done, don’t you?’ he accused fiercely.
She had known, and he was right, she had only found the strength to leave because he was away and unable to stop her. She would never have found the courage to come right out against him. ‘All that’s irrelevant now, Joel,’ she dismissed, running her fingertips through the silky tangle of her hair, feeling it fall back into style against her cheek. ‘I have left, and I have no intention of ever coming back.’
His eyes had narrowed to tawny slits. ‘So where does that leave us now?’
She swallowed hard. ‘I think that’s entirely up to you, don’t you?’ she said quietly.
He thrust his hands into his trousers pockets, his shirt and waistcoat still unbuttoned, falling open to his waist. ‘You aren’t involved with Hillier?’ he demanded harshly.
Lindsay frowned at his persistence in believing she was. ‘I’ve only ever seen him on the few occasions he’s been to the studio.’
‘When he made it perfectly obvious how attracted he is to you,’ Joel scowled his displeasure.
With any other man she would have put his behaviour down to jealousy, but with Joel she knew that wasn’t so; he was never jealous or possessive, believing in total personal freedom for everyone. No, he was just annoyed at the thought of possibly losing his secretary. ‘Roger is like that with all women.’ She dismissed, with a smile, the young photographer who had helped Joel in the past, flirtatious with every woman he came into contact with, regardless of age or beauty, and it didn’t mean a thing.
‘Since he set up on his own he’s been looking for a secretary/receptionist.’ Joel still didn’t look convinced.
‘Well, he’s never mentioned that to me,’ she shook her head.
‘He’s mentioned it to me!’ he rasped. ‘And I warned him off you. It took me long enough to find you!’
Lindsay stiffened as he confirmed what she had always thought to be true, that she was more important to him as a secretary than as the woman he lived with! ‘I’ve told you,’ she said coldly, ‘I’m still your secretary.’
‘For as long as I want you to be,’ he scorned.
‘Yes,’ she nodded.
‘I want you back where you belong!’ he grated, glaring at her. ‘At the apartment.’
‘I belong here, this is my home.’
‘Your home is with me!’
She moistened suddenly dry lips. ‘Joel, I——’
‘I’m not going to beg,’ he cut in angrily. ‘If I leave without you now I’ll never ask you again.’
She knew he meant it, knew he possessed a stubbornness that was equal to none, that pride often held him back from asking anything of anyone. ‘I’ll see you at nine o’clock on Monday morning,’ she told him softly, seeing the anger flare up anew in his eyes, knowing at that moment that he really hadn’t believed when he came here tonight that he would have to leave without her.
‘Damn you, then, Lindsay Pope!’ he bit out furiously, striding towards the door. ‘I never ask a woman for a second time!’ he warned her raggedly.
She looked at him with unflinching green eyes. ‘I’m counting on it.’
The apartment reverberated from the slam he gave the door as he left, and Lindsay winced from the aftershock, sitting down weakly in one of the armchairs. Whatever Joel had made of her last comment she knew that if he persisted in chasing after her she would eventually have given in. And that would just take her back to the same situation she had needed so desperately to escape from.
But it hadn’t been easy to say no to him, and she shook from the need to run after him and tell him it had all been a mistake. But common sense held her back—that, and the knowledge that she couldn’t suffer through another six months of knowing she meant nothing to him only to have him then turn around and ask her to leave because he was bored with her.
But it was going to be far from easy working, and seeing him every day, in future!
‘All right, Lindsay,’ her sister Judi, the older by two years, encouraged. ‘You can tell me what’s troubling you now that Mike’s gone out.’
Lindsay had driven down to spend the day with her family at the house in Cambridgeshire, only to find her mother out for the morning at church, and her tormenting younger brother Mike refusing to leave the house in case he missed any of their gossip, finally being persuaded to do so by a couple of his friends who called round.
She sighed at her sister’s perception. ‘You have to know some time, Judi. I’ve left Joel.’
Her sister frowned. She was as blonde and pretty as Lindsay, with an underlying sadness always present in her hazel eyes. ‘I thought you were happy together,’ she prompted gently.
‘Joel was,’ Lindsay corrected pointedly. ‘As long as I didn’t make any emotional demands on him.’
Judi’s expression was full of compassion. ‘And you made some, hmm?’
‘I had more sense than to try!’ she sighed. ‘It just didn’t work out, Judi,’ she explained in a stronger voice. ‘I thought I could be the one to change his mind about love and marriage. It must be the biggest deception a woman can give herself,’ she added self-derisively.
‘It was worth a try when you love him so much,’ her sister comforted.
Lindsay’s mouth twisted wryly. ‘I’m sure Mother doesn’t think so!’
‘You mustn’t mind her,’ Judi said gently. ‘She doesn’t understand anything except marriage, it’s just the way she expects things should be.’
Their mother had been left a widow five years ago, had enjoyed a happy married life with their father for over twenty years, and she just couldn’t understand—or forgive—Lindsay for simply moving in with Joel the way that she had. Nothing much had been said, the disapproval being mainly silent, but Lindsay had been as aware of it as if her mother had shouted it from the rooftops.
She had tried to persuade Joel to visit her mother sure that once the two of them met they would get on together. Joel had refused, and her mother had been unenthusiastic about the idea too, always complaining about their living arrangements when Lindsay visited home alone. To make matters worse Mike considered her living with Joel was really great, further encouraging her mother’s disapproval. If she needed any encouraging!
‘Do you think I was wrong, Judi?’ she voiced her uncertainty to her sister.
‘Not when you loved him so much,’ Judi shook her head.
‘But you and Jonathan never—I mean——’
‘No, we didn’t,’ Judi confirmed hollowly. ‘But I’ll always wish that we had.’
Lindsay’s eyes widened. ‘You will?’
Judi nodded. ‘But he refused to once he knew how ill he was, said he didn’t want us to have any accidents that would maybe prevent my marrying after—after he was gone. As if I’ll ever want to marry anyone else now that he’s dead!’
Judi’s fiancé Jonathan had died two years ago of leukaemia, leaving everyone who knew and loved him devastated by his loss, Judi had never recovered from losing her childhood sweetheart so tragically, the two of them having dated since they were at school together, and Lindsay now felt guilty about introducing a subject that could still upset her sister so much.
‘I’m sorry, love,’ one of her hands covered Judi’s. ‘I shouldn’t have probed.’
The hazel eyes were shadowed with memories. ‘It’s a relief to be able to talk about him, actually. Mother avoids the subject as if he never existed. And she keeps bringing up the fact that she doesn’t have any grandchildren yet.’
Lindsay’s mouth twisted wryly. ‘Then I must be a double disappointment to her.’
Judi smiled comfortingly. ‘I think we’re all a disappointment to her—even poor Mike gets nagged about how irresponsible he is, and he’s only eighteen!’
Lindsay shook her head. ‘I can’t understand why you continue to stay here. Mother certainly doesn’t appreciate you.’ Lindsay had taken the first opportunity she could to escape her mother’s oppressive attitude after their father died, having moved to London as soon as she had the job to do so.
‘I don’t mind,’ Judi smiled again. ‘My job is here, and most of my friends are too. And when it gets too much for me at home I can always go up to London for a few days to visit my notorious sister!’ she added mischievously.
Lindsay grimaced. ‘I dread to think what Mother’s going to say when I tell her I’ve left Joel.’
‘Do you have to?’ her sister sympathised.
‘I suppose I should,’ she pulled a face at the thought.
As it turned out her mother was the one to introduce the subject. ‘I telephoned you several times last week.’ She looked at Lindsay accusingly, a small plump woman with prematurely grey hair who didn’t look as if she could possibly be the mother of such a tall family. ‘That man Maybury kept telling me you weren’t at home. I would have thought, with—with Mr Sutherland away,’ she even had difficulty mentioning his name, ‘that you would have stayed in during the evenings. I know the two of you have an—unorthodox arrangement,’ she added haughtily, ‘but I’m sure he wouldn’t like the idea of you going out without him like that.’
Lindsay shot Judi a resigned look. ‘I wasn’t at the apartment, Mother, because I’ve moved out,’ she told her bluntly, knowing there was no other way.
Pale green eyes sharpened suspiciously. ‘Moved out? What do you mean?’
She sighed, aware that her young brother was all ears as they sat around the luncheon table. ‘I’ve moved back to my own apartment,’ she explained.
‘Why?’
Her brows rose at her mother’s vehemence. ‘I thought you’d be pleased by the news.’
‘Pleased!’ her mother echoed shrilly. ‘You disgrace the whole family by moving in with that—that man,’ she amended at Lindsay’s frowning look, ‘and now you expect me to be thrilled that you’ve moved out again!’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, I’m not.’ She stood up noisily, leaving her meal only half eaten. ‘You’ll be ruined by this, Lindsay,’ she warned agitatedly. ‘The whole family has been ruined by your selfishness!’ and she stormed from the room.
Lindsay was trembling in reaction to the explosion, giving a shaky laugh to break the tense silence. ‘So much for motherly love,’ she derided.
Judi gave a regretful sigh. ‘She’s just surprised, she expected you to marry Joel.’
‘She wasn’t the only one,’ Lindsay choked.
‘Does this mean you won’t let me look around Joel’s photographic studio?’ Mike put in disappointedly.
‘Mike!’ Judi reproved him frowningly. ‘Can’t you see Lindsay is upset?’ she glared at him.
‘But she was the one who left him——’
‘Oh, be quiet, Mike!’ Judi snapped with uncharacteristic sharpness. ‘Maybe when you’re a bit more mature you’ll understand.’
He stood up. ‘I wish you’d all realise that I am mature!’ He slammed out of the room disgustedly.
Lindsay pulled a rueful face. ‘I think his pride is injured.’
‘Then he should think a bit more before he speaks. Don’t worry,’ Judi assured her as she still looked concerned, ‘I’ll talk to him later.’
‘And Mother?’
Her sister shrugged. ‘She may take a little longer coming round, but she will eventually.’
‘I needed her understanding now, not eventually!’ Lindsay said with bitterness.
Judi sighed. ‘I’m sorry, love.’
So was she, sorry she had ever told her mother about Joel. And she needn’t have done; she could have lied to the whole family, could have simply told them she was changing apartments, and they would have been none the wiser. But she hadn’t; she had been honest about her actions, had borne her mother’s disapproval without demur. It would have been better for everyone, including herself, if she had never heard of Joel Sutherland.
And yet as she lay alone in her bed that night she couldn’t help thinking about him, wondering if he too were lying alone in the huge double bed they had shared for so long. Somehow she doubted it; he had never wasted time in replacing his women in the past.
God, how she ached to be with him now, wished she could go back six months to when she had first moved in with him, could live that time all over again.
Joel had been escorting one of his models for several weeks when she first went to work for him, a beautiful redhead who had lasted only two more weeks before she was replaced by an even more beautiful brunette.
After that Lindsay had watched a stream of lovely women enter and leave his life, none of them touching him emotionally, although several of them claimed to have fallen in love with him, a couple of them crying on Lindsay’s shoulder when she told them she had strict instructions from Joel not to let them into his studio or put their calls through. Their replacement would usually shortly be replaced herself, with the same emotional result.
At first Lindsay had watched this succession of beautiful women with amusement, and then with dismay as she realised she had joined their ranks and fallen in love with Joel herself. She had panicked then, handing in her notice, sure she would get over him if she didn’t have to see him every day, knowing that she would mean no more to him than just being his secretary. But Joel had other ideas; he invited her out to dinner with the supposed intention of talking her into changing her mind about leaving. Dinner had progressed to a quiet club Joel knew, the two of them talking as they had never talked before, Joel kissing her goodnight after taking her home, a light promising kiss that made her ache for more. When he had invited her out the next evening neither of them had mentioned the fact that she had intended leaving his employment. Joel’s goodnight kiss was more demanding this time; the two of them being completely alone in her apartment, although he took it no further than a kiss.
Over the next week their relationship developed rapidly from that of employer and employee, although once he realised she was still a virgin Joel refrained from forcing a conclusion to the rapidly spiralling sexual tension that now existed between them. Lindsay kept waiting for the axe to fall on their relationship, knowing that Joel had never settled for less than a full physical commitment before. But he had brought to an end the tense frustration in a way she had never expected, by asking her to move into his apartment with him on a trial basis.
She knew he had never done anything like that before, preferring to remain at his apartment while his women stayed in theirs. A living together arrangement was far from what she wanted, but the mere fact that Joel had never lived with anyone before gave her hope that they would eventually have a permanent future together.
She should have known better! Joel always treated her well, never demanded anything of her, respected her independence from him at all times. And of course that was part of the trouble. A man in love would have wanted her to be a little more dependent on him than she had been.
Maybe she was back to where she had been six months ago, after all. Despite what she had told Joel she couldn’t continue to work for him. She only wished now that she hadn’t let herself be persuaded out of that decision last time!

CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_2e4665b9-53b9-532b-9a05-b0c6990eeadb)
‘GREAT,’ snapped Joel with sarcasm, waving Lindsay’s letter of resignation about in his hand. ‘Just great! Your loyalty when I’m tied up in this contract for Reader is incredible!’ He glared down at her.
Joel had been in his studio when she arrived at work half an hour ago, and the first thing she had done after checking the post had been to type out her letter of resignation, putting it in with the letters she had taken in to him a short time ago. His reaction was to be expected.
‘I thought you went to America to complete that contract,’ she frowned.
‘I did,’ he scowled, looking as if last night hadn’t agreed with him either, whether he had slept alone or not. ‘He liked the photographs so much he wants me to do the promotional shots on the new cosmetic range they have coming out,’ he told her grudgingly. ‘I’ve spent most of the last month trying to find the right model.’
Lindsay felt a flash of jealousy for all the beautiful women he would have seen the last month.
‘None of them were right for the cosmetics,’ he added mockingly as he saw her pensive expression.
‘Did you test them all personally?’ she heard herself ask waspishly.
‘Photographically?’ he drawled tauntingly, his eyebrows raised mockingly. ‘Yes.’
She mentally berated herself for showing her jealousy so plainly, knowing Joel was aware of exactly how she felt, that he was elated by it. Damn!
‘Regretting your decision, Lindsay?’ He sat on the edge of her desk, dangerously close, his tangy aftershave discernible to her. ‘It isn’t too late to change your mind, you know,’ he encouraged throatily.
‘My notice stands, thank you.’ She was deliberately obtuse, knowing that wasn’t the decision he was talking about.
His eyes darkened to tawny slits, and he stood up, pushing her letter into the hip pocket of his trousers. ‘Bring me in the file on all the models I’ve used the last five years,’ he instructed her curtly.
Her brows rose. ‘All of them?’
‘That’s what I said, didn’t I?’ he snapped.
‘Yes …’
‘Then do it,’ he rasped rudely. ‘And don’t keep me waiting all day!’ The door slammed after him as he went back into his studio.
‘Was that the bastard I know and love?’ drawled an amused voice from the doorway.
‘Cally!’ Lindsay cried excitedly, getting up to hug the newcomer enthusiastically. ‘When did you get back to town?’
‘Over the weekend,’ the other woman smiled. ‘I thought I’d look in on my tormentor of the last four years. How is he?’ she asked lightly.
Lindsay gave a rueful grimace at the firmly closed studio door. ‘As charming as usual!’ she said dryly. ‘But don’t let’s talk about Joel,’ she dismissed abruptly. ‘Tell me how you like married life.’
Cally Robin had been Joel’s top model until two months ago when she had met, and as quickly married, an up-and-coming Member of Parliament, much to the surprise of her friends, and much to the annoyance of Joel when she informed him she was giving up modelling to help her husband in his career. Joel and Cally had had an affair once, years ago, and Cally was one of the few women he now called friend. Lindsay had been a little jealous of their relationship to begin with, but as the warmth and friendliness of Cally soon overflowed to her too she had no reason to do so.
‘I love it,’ Cally answered, her blue eyes sparkling, her red hair a glowing cloud about her shoulders. ‘David has to be the most wonderful man in the world,’ she added dreamily.
‘I thought he was rather handsome when I met him at the wedding,’ Lindsay smiled teasingly.
‘Keep your hands off,’ Cally warned jokingly. ‘I have enough trouble fighting off all his female constituents, without having to worry about you too! So what’s wong with Joel?’ she sobered. ‘He sounded as if he was being a bear.’
Lindsay shrugged. ‘He’s no worse than usual,’ she prevaricated, knowing that Joel hadn’t been like this with her since before she moved in with him.
‘And heaven knows that’s bad enough!’ Cally grimaced. ‘What—or should I say who—has upset him?’
Lindsay sighed. ‘I have a feeling it was me.’
‘Yes?’ Blue eyes widened in surprise. ‘Are you telling me he still rants and raves at you?’
Lindsay stiffened, her expression uncertain. ‘Still?’ she enquired softly.
Cally patted her hand understandingly. ‘You mustn’t mind that I know the two of you are living together—Joel just happened to let it slip one day,’ she explained gently.
‘Oh,’ said Lindsay dully. ‘Then perhaps I should tell you that we aren’t, not any longer.’
Cally frowned at this. ‘Since when?’
‘Since I moved out.’
‘You did?’ The other woman was obviously surprised that she had been the one to end the relationship. ‘That must have been a surprise for poor Joel,’ she added questioningly.
‘You could say that,’ Lindsay grimaced.
‘Oh, I do,’ Cally nodded, looking thoughtful. ‘The way he was talking it was a permanent arrangement.’
‘As permanent as anything can be with a man like Joel,’ Lindsay derided.
‘No, I mean it,’ Cally said, perfectly seriously. ‘I really thought this was “it” for him.’
‘If you mean love, Cally, then you should know him better than that,’ said Lindsay flatly.
‘He still has that problem, hmm?’ Cally nodded shrewdly.
Lindsay gave her a sharp, probing look. ‘What problem?’
‘He doesn’t know how to accept or give love.’
Her expression was dejected. ‘How can you accept or give something you don’t know exists!’
‘Oh, Lindsay,’ Cally was all sympathy. ‘Don’t——’
‘What the hell is delaying you, Lindsay?’ Joel suddenly appeared in the studio doorway, his eyes narrowing as he saw Cally perched provocatively on the side of Lindsay’s desk. ‘I might have known you had something to do with it,’ he snapped. ‘What’s wrong, has married life begun to pall already?’ he taunted.
Cally stood up, smoothing down the skirt of her dress with deliberate slowness before walking over to kiss him lingeringly on the mouth, seeming immune to his glowing displeasure. ‘Married life is wonderful,’ she gave him a mocking sideways glance. ‘I would highly recommend it.’
His mouth twisted. ‘Then you must be one of the few people who do,’ he derided. ‘And after only two months I don’t think you’ve had time to really speak with any authority.’
‘Cynic!’ she said goodnaturedly, used to his bad humour.
‘Realist.’ He shot Lindsay a telling glance. ‘I simply don’t have stars in my eyes about an institution that’s been failing for years. I’d rather get myself certified!’
Lindsay blanched, knowing the last was being said for her benefit, that Joel was making it clear once again that he would never contemplate marriage, to anyone. And that wasn’t fair, because she had never mentioned marriage to him.
‘Keep on the way you are,’ Cally drawled mockingly, ‘and I might just do it for you.’
He looked down at her with narrowed tawny eyes. ‘What do you mean?’ he bit out.
‘Lindsay tells me you’re no longer living together,’ she provoked. ‘You have to be insane to have let her escape.’
‘Cally——’
‘It was Lindsay’s decision to leave,’ Joel forcefully cut in on her dismayed response to Cally’s taunting.
‘Well, no one could think her insane for leaving you, darling,’ Cally mocked. ‘You’re virtually impossible to work with, let alone be with twenty-four hours a day.’
‘I take it this is what friends are for?’ he rasped. ‘To insult you?’
‘To tell you the truth when necessary, sweetie,’ she touched his cheek affectionately.
‘Well, today I can do without it,’ he dismissed harshly. ‘Come through to the studio if you want to talk to me, if you don’t then stop keeping my employees from their work,’ he added coldly.
Lindsay was still pale from his last dig at her. This last one made her flinch, something Joel seemed as immune to as he was every other emotion. She didn’t know how she could ever have fooled herself into thinking he would one day love her!
‘Here’s the file you wanted.’ She handed it to him, taking care not to touch him, a fact he seemed well aware of as his mouth twisted derisively.
He nodded acknowledgement of the file, turning to Cally. ‘Are you staying or going?’
‘Much as I hate to turn down your gracious invitation,’ she mocked him, her eyes gleaming with mischief, ‘I have to meet David in a few minutes, so I can’t stay long. I actually came round to invite you both to dinner at the weekend. Although in the circumstances perhaps I should say invite you both and your respective partners.’ She looked at them with feigned innocence.
Joel’s scowl deepened, and Lindsay wondered, not for the first time, how Cally dared to antagonise him when he was in this mood. She always steered clear of him at such times, although perhaps Cally felt that their past association allowed her to. goad him in this way.
‘Suits me,’ he snapped. ‘Just tell me what time and day, and I’ll be there.’
‘Saturday, eight o’clock.’ She looked enquiringly at Lindsay. ‘Is that okay for you?’
Any evening and time suited her at the moment, they were all free. But she had no idea who she could take as her ‘partner’ for the evening. ‘Fine,’ she agreed lightly, ignoring the way Joel’s eyes narrowed speculatively. No doubt he would have no trouble at all finding someone to accompany him!
‘Now, Joel,’ Cally put her arm through the crook of his arm, walking into the studio with him, ‘I just have time for you to tell me all about …’
The rest of the conversation was cut off as Joel firmly closed the door behind them. Lindsay put up a shaking hand to her temple, as she sat down behind her desk. The next month, while she worked her notice, was going to seem a very long time indeed.
‘Hey, are you all right?’ asked a concerned voice, the accent distinctly American. ‘You look a little pale.’
Lindsay looked up into the attractive face of the man leaning over her desk, a man of about forty, possibly a little younger, with dark hair heavily tinged with grey at his temples, and pale blue eyes that could also look grey in certain lights or moods. Even leaning over as he was she could see he was tall, his tailored suit fitting him well, his lean body containing a liquid grace that spoke of training of movement.
‘I’m fine.’ She sat up straighter in her chair, a little unnerved by the way he kept staring at her with warm blue eyes. ‘And I’m afraid the agency who sent you must have made a mistake—Mr Sutherland doesn’t photograph male models.’
The man looked amused by the assumption, and straightened slightly, the blue eyes twinkling merrily. ‘I’m flattered you should think me young enough or attractive enough to be a male model,’ he drawled softly. ‘But isn’t forty-one a little old for all that?’ He raised dark brows.
‘It really depends what line of modelling you’re interested in,’ she shrugged.
‘I really shouldn’t be teasing you in this way,’ he smiled, laughter lines fanning out from his eyes in the tanned face. ‘Malcolm Reader,’ and he put out his hand in friendly greeting.
Lindsay gave a start of surprise. This was the famous Malcolm Reader, the man who had made millions in the cosmetic business? He didn’t seem old enough or ruthless enough, although she sensed a certain steel in his nature beneath the easy charm. But she hadn’t realised he was in England. Did Joel?
‘Lindsay Pope.’ She put her hand into his, finding it lost in his much bigger grip, his hand surprisingly firm and calloused considering he must spend most of his time seated behind a desk.
‘Rope burn,’ he seemed to guess her thoughts. ‘I spend most of my weekends sailing. And I know exactly who you are, Joel spoke of you often when he was in New York.’
‘Oh yes?’ she asked warily, aware that he had forgotten to release her hand, and extricating it herself.
Blue eyes looked at her steadily. ‘Yes.’
Delicate colour darkened her cheeks. ‘I can’t imagine what he said,’ she evaded.
‘Can’t you?’
‘No!’
‘Well, he didn’t tell me how beautiful you are, for one thing,’ his teasing manner was back. ‘You wouldn’t take pity on a visitor to London and have dinner with me one evening, would you?’ He looked at her encouragingly.
‘I——’
‘Malcolm!’ Joel greeted harshly behind them, looking accusingly at Lindsay. ‘Why didn’t you tell me Mr Reader was here?’ he rasped.
‘I’ve only just arrived,’ the other man exaggerated, moving forward to shake his outstretched hand. ‘Your secretary was taking very good care of me. And who is this beautiful young lady?’ He looked appreciatively at Cally.
Lindsay took the opportunity while they made the introductions of fading into the background. Whatever Joel had told the other man about her he couldn’t have told him they were living together, Malcolm Reader would hardly have been likely to invite her out if he had! She felt grateful for the fact that she hadn’t had to make any reply to his invitation, not wanting to upset a man who was so important to Joel, but still feeling too raw from her break-up with Joel to contemplate seeing another man.
‘Handsome devil,’ Cally remarked thoughtfully, the two men being ensconced in the inner office now. ‘He’s worth cultivating, Lindsay,’ she added softly.
‘Whatever do you mean by cultivate, Cally?’ asked Lindsay, tongue-in-cheek.
Deep blue eyes glowed with amusement. ‘You know very well what I mean. And he was attracted to you too, I could tell.’
‘Really?’ she said uninterestedly. Tall, dark, handsome men were not on her list of favourite things at the moment.
‘Really,’ Cally insisted forcefully. ‘Has it ever occurred to you that all Joel needs is a little old-fashioned jealousy to make him realise what he’s giving up?’
‘He doesn’t even know the meaning of the word,’ Lindsay dismissed with bitterness.
‘Don’t you believe it,’ the other woman said with certainty. ‘Just because he doesn’t show it it doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel it. He’s just adept at hiding what he really feels.’
Lindsay sighed. ‘I know you mean well, Cally,’ she said softly. ‘But it’s over between Joel and me. I think six months is long enough for anyone to realise they’re banging their head rather painfully against a brick wall. Right now I just want to get my life back in order, and then get on with it. And none of that involves Joel.’
‘I see,’ Cally sighed with regret. ‘It’s a shame—I really thought that with you he was getting it all together. He’s seemed more relaxed since you lived with him, less inclined to retreat inside his emotions. Still, if you say it’s over then it’s over,’ she shrugged.
‘It is,’ Lindsay nodded. ‘I’ve also given in my notice today.’
‘So he told me. Well, I’ll see you Saturday, then?’ Gaily quirked auburn brows.
‘I’m not sure——’
‘Oh, you have to come,’ the other woman encouraged. ‘Joel is sure to, and if you don’t turn up he’ll know it was because you couldn’t face him on a social level.’
‘I don’t think I can,’ Lindsay admitted huskily.
‘Of course you can,’ Cally told her firmly. ‘And bring along some handsome man just to prove it.’
Lindsay’s mouth twisted. ‘I don’t know any handsome men.’
‘What about Malcolm Reader?’
That idea had fleetingly entered her own mind, but she had as quickly dismissed it. He was a pleasant enough man, seemed very nice, was undoubtedly handsome, but he was also a very important client of Joel’s, convincing her that she shouldn’t become involved with him on a social level. Joel would certainly never forgive her if she upset the other man in any way!
‘He’s business,’ she shrugged. ‘So he doesn’t count.’
‘He looked as if he counted to me,’ Cally teased.
‘He’s probably married with half a dozen children!’
Cally shook her head. ‘He’s one of America’s most eligible bachelors.’
‘Then what is his problem?’ Lindsay frowned.
The other woman laughed. ‘He doesn’t have one, except maybe that he just hasn’t met the right woman yet. You could be her, Lindsay. Just think what a blow that would be to Joel’s pride!’
‘I’m not out to hurt anyone, Cally,’ Lindsay said wearily. ‘I just want to forget any of this ever happened.’
‘Do you think you can?’
‘No.’
‘I’m beginning to feel guilty because I’m so happy,’ Cally grimaced, kissing Lindsay on the cheek by way of departure. ‘You’ll never get over the selfish swine completely,’ she said huskily. ‘But once the love stops being so intense it doesn’t hurt so much. Take my word for it,’ she added ruefully.
Lindsay had always suspected the other woman’s feelings had been more deeply involved with Joel in the past than she had admitted to, and Cally had just confirmed it. But Cally had had four years to get over her love for him, while she only had as many days if she were to go to the other woman’s dinner party on Saturday and see him with another woman with any degree of confidence. The way her heart ached at the moment she didn’t think she was going to make it.
‘I’ll try,’ she nodded. ‘And I’ll call you about Saturday,’ she promised.
‘I really would like you to come,’ Cally encouraged before leaving to meet her husband.
Lindsay was engrossed in her work when Malcolm Reader left Joel’s studio an hour later, the older man coming over to talk to her as Joel took into his studio the model that had been waiting outside to begin her session with him.
‘Nice life if you can get it,’ Malcolm Reader mocked lightly, sitting on the edge of Lindsay’s desk.
‘I’ve heard that you have,’ she said dryly, looking up at him guilelessly.
He chuckled softly. ‘The beautiful Mrs Robin has heard of my reputation, hmm?’
Lindsay nodded. ‘And all of it exaggerated, no doubt,’ she mocked.
‘Very little, I’m afraid,’ he drawled derisively.
She had to laugh at his honesty, feeling humour when a few minutes ago she had thought she would never laugh again. ‘That’s interesting to know,’ she smiled.
‘Only interesting?’ He looked disappointed. ‘Most women are eager to find out the truth for themselves.’
‘I’ll be happy to take your word for it,’ she teased lightly, liking this man in spite of his outrageous sense of humour.
‘Pity,’ he drawled. ‘Did you give some thought to my dinner invitation?’ He quirked dark brows. ‘As I recall you hadn’t answered me when we were interrupted.’
Her amusement instantly faded. ‘It’s very nice of you to ask me, Mr Reader——’
‘When a beautiful woman calls me “Mr” then I know I’m going to be turned down!’ he grinned ruefully. ‘And I was hoping you would show me the highlights of London.’
‘I don’t know that many,’ she shrugged. ‘And I’m sure you’ve been to London before?’
‘Many times,’ he nodded. ‘It’s a fascinating place.’
‘Surely no more so than New York?’
‘In a different way,’ he replied thoughtfully. ‘And I find most of my enjoyment of London by seeing it through the eyes of other people.’
‘Women’s eyes,’ she teased.
‘Women’s eyes,’ he confirmed with a smile. ‘Have you ever been to New York?’
Lindsay shook her head. ‘I’ve never been out of England.’
‘Joel should have brought you with him, I would have enjoyed showing you my home town.’
If she had been invited by Joel to go on his business trip maybe she wouldn’t have left him. But although their last night together had been spent in a frenzy of lovemaking Joel hadn’t once suggested she accompany him. ‘Someone had to run the office while he was away,’ she said with forced brightness.
‘I guess so,’ Malcolm Reader conceded. ‘Although it seems a pity we couldn’t have met earlier.’
If they had met before he would now know her to be Joel’s ex-mistress. The two of them had never broadcast their living arrangements, but they had made no secret of it either, admitting it if asked directly. If they had gone to New York together then Malcolm Reader would know exactly what she was. And somehow she didn’t want him to know.
‘Is there already a man in your life?’ Malcom was asking her now.
Lindsay looked up with a start, having been lost in thought. ‘Sorry?’
‘Am I stepping on some lucky man’s toes by making the dinner invitation?’ he explained.
‘No!’ She blushed as she realised how sharply her denial had come out, almost guiltily. ‘No, it isn’t that,’ she said more calmly. ‘It’s just——’
‘It’s okay, Lindsay,’ he chuckled as he stood up. ‘I Can take no for an answer without putting you on the rack. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t making an absolute idiot of myself if I kept asking. And I will keep asking, Lindsay,’ he added seriously. ‘You’ll find I’m not a man who gives up easily.’
‘That’s okay,’ her own voice was light, ‘because I don’t give in easily either.’
He smiled his appreciation of her show of independence, little knowing that she was all the more determined not to be charmed by him because she had so recently been hurt by a man with even less charm than him. ‘Good girl,’ he straightened. ‘But I’ll be seeing you soon.’
It was a promise, not a threat, and Lindsay was left with the feeling that Malcolm Reader was a man with as much strength of will as Joel, that he wouldn’t give up easily either, although perhaps his method of getting his own way would be more subtle than Joel’s. But Cally had been right about one thing—Malcolm Reader certainly didn’t have a problem!
‘Planning to replace me already?’ Joel rasped harshly.
Lindsay looked up at him coolly, although her heart rate accelerated considerably, having been unaware of the model leaving and Joel watching her. ‘Hardly,’ she drawled. ‘Although Mr Reader seems a very charming man,’ she added challengingly.
‘Oh, he is,’ Joel scorned. ‘Maybe he could even charm you into living with him. But if you think I’m a bastard you should—God, I’m sorry,’ he groaned as he saw her pale. ‘I didn’t mean it that way. Lindsay? Lindsay——!’ he questioned sharply as she suddenly stood up to collect her jacket and handbag.
‘I’m going to lunch,’ she told him stiffly. ‘I know it’s a little earlier than my usual time, but I—I feel as if I need the break now. I’ll be back in an hour,’ she added firmly as she heard her voice begin to quiver with emotion.
‘Lindsay——’
‘An hour, Joel.’ She couldn’t even look at him as she rushed from the office and out of the building, not looking back once as she hurried down the street, not even sure where she was going, just needing to get away, away from Joel and his power to hurt her with every word he spoke.
Never before had Joel chosen to hurt her the way he was doing at the moment, seeming to hit out at her on purpose, something he had never done before today. Oh, he had a temper, a whiplash tongue at times, but his remarks had never been personal before; never designed to hurt and go on hurting.
She didn’t stop walking for the next hour, although she never afterwards knew where she went, only that she walked and walked, sightlessly pushing Joel to the back of her mind.
But finally she had to think of him, of facing him again, and if he was still in that cruelly hurtful mood when she did, when he could taunt the way she had loved him enough to move in with him, she didn’t know what she would do.
He was sitting at her desk when she got back, watching her warily as she woodenly hung up her jacket and smoothed her hair. ‘I’m sorry,’ he finally spoke, his voice husky. ‘I didn’t mean that remark about Reader.’ His eyes were a stormy tawny gold as he looked at her searchingly. ‘Do you believe me?’ he prompted at her continued silence.
‘Of course,’ she acknowledged flatly.
He stood up, coming round to the front of her desk, the warmth of his body reaching out to her in the confines of the room. ‘He did ask you out, though, didn’t he?’ his eyes narrowed.
She looked at him unflinchingly. ‘And if he did?’
Joel’s hands clenched into fists at his sides. ‘I could tell he was attracted to you,’ he ground out.
‘If I didn’t know you better, Joel,’ she taunted, ‘and luckily I do,’ she added hardly, ‘I would think you cared.’
His mouth tightened. ‘I care that because of the way we’ve parted you might find yourself involved when you don’t really want to be.’
Lindsay looked at him with dislike. ‘And since when did you become an expert on what I want?’ She knew it was the wrong thing to say even as she said it, the soft colour flooding her cheeks. Joel knew exactly what she wanted, what she needed, when it came to making love! His eyes mocked her with that knowledge now. ‘I meant emotionally,’ she snapped.
He ignored the jibe. ‘Are you going out with Reader?’ he persisted in the subject of the other man.
Lindsay shrugged. ‘I might. But I doubt it,’ she added as his eyes darkened stormily. ‘I’ve learnt the hard way that mixing business and pleasure just doesn’t work out.’
His mouth tightened. ‘Which part of that applies to your relationship with me the last six months?’
She swallowed hard. ‘I’m beginning to think neither!’
Joel gave a deep sigh, closing his eyes momentarily. ‘God, I can’t seem to stop hitting out at you. Maybe you’re right to want to leave, after all,’ he shook his head. ‘I’m only hurting you.’
‘You have to care to be hurt,’ she sat down behind her desk, paler than ever, ‘and we’ve agreed that neither of us does that.’
‘Yes,’ he bit out. ‘I think I’ll go to lunch now,’ he added suddenly, leaving abruptly.
Lindsay’s shattered nerves relaxed slowly once he had left. This was so much more traumatic than even she had imagined, Joel reacting much more strongly than she had thought he would. She had seen the women come and go in his life for so long, and he had never been so bitter about it before. But then it had never been the woman’s decision to end things before. Joel seemed to have an inborn radar that warned him when a woman was becoming too emotionally involved with him, and at the first sign of that he would end things between them, usually with a bouquet of flowers and a carefully worded note. Maybe if she didn’t love him so much she would have sent him flowers and a carefully worded note!
The uneasy truce that existed between them over the next few days made the studio hell to go to, but Lindsay was determined not to show any sign of weakness by not going in. Joel had shown her all too clearly when she had almost admitted her love for him how much he deplored such human frailties.
But the strain showed on her as the week progressed, her days fraught with tension as Joel remained likely to explode at the slightest provocation, her nights no easier as she ached for his arms about her, his body filling her as they cried out their enjoyment of each other.
The tension between them wasn’t helped by the fact that Malcolm Reader was likely to call in or telephone her without warning. As promised, he hadn’t given up asking her to go out with him, and he was proving to be as persistent as Joel had once been. Malcolm’s frequent presence in his secretary’s office was viewed with anger by Joel, and she felt sure it was only that he was working for Malcolm that kept him from asking the other man to leave.
Joel returned the file of the models he had used during the last five years on Thursday lunchtime, his sigh one of dissatisfaction.
‘No luck?’ She looked up at him with a frown, knowing there were some really beautiful women in there.
‘No,’ he rasped.
‘But surely one of them is suitable?’
‘Suitable, yes,’ he bit out. ‘But I happen to want someone who’s perfect.’
If the strain of the last four days showed on her then Joel hadn’t escaped unscathed either. Of course he was going out every night, usually with a different woman, and apparently not getting in until the early hours of the morning, when undoubtedly he didn’t sleep alone. He certainly looked tired, with lines beside his eyes, the sharp sense of humour he had once possessed no longer in evidence. Even if he were now making up for lost time with an abundance of different women he certainly didn’t look happy about it.
But Lindsay felt no satisfaction from knowing that, knew such deep unhappiness herself that if Joel felt even one tenth of the misery she did then she pitied him.
‘Perhaps you’re being too critical, Joel,’ she reasoned. ‘After all, the make-up is surely meant for a number of different women, not just one type.’
He shook his head. ‘It’s an exclusive line, meant only for brunettes.’

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