A Promise...to a Proposal?
A Promise...to a Proposal?
Kate Hardy
Pretty, Petite Midwife Seeks Friendship and Romance!If they hadn’t written matching online dating profiles midwife Ruby Fisher would never have admitted her attraction to gorgeous Dr Ellis Webster! He promised her late husband he’d look after her – and he’s the last guy she should fall for…Ellis doesn’t do permanent – he’s due in Africa soon! He must shake off this uncomfortable desire for lovely Ruby. Except his plan to help her start dating again fails spectacularly… because she’s the only woman he just doesn’t want to let go…
Praise for Kate Hardy (#u141724cc-ce56-5674-ae3b-761c28dc33ae)
‘Bound by a Baby moved me to tears many times. It is a full-on emotional drama. Author Kate Hardy brought this tale shimmering with emotions. Highly recommended for all lovers of romance.’
—Contemporary Romance Reviews
Bound by a Babywon the 2014 RoNA(Romantic Novelists’ Association) award!
‘When you pick up a romance novel by Kate Hardy you know that you’re going to be reading a spellbinding novel which you will want to devour in a single sitting, and A Christmas Knight is certainly no exception.’
—CataRomance
‘TDH doctor, serious and deep—with principles—seeks bright, sparkly female to make his dimples come out. Looking for foodie film buff who enjoys seaside strolls for friendship leading to potential romance.’
He groaned again. ‘I hate that bit about the dimples. It sounds really pathetic.’
‘Tough. It’s staying. Your dimples are cute.’ She flicked back to her list. ‘You know, Ellis, this list could be describing you.’
His heart skipped a beat.
Was this the chance he’d been looking for? Was she telling him in her quiet, understated way that she’d consider dating him?
‘And my list,’ he said softly, ‘could be describing you.’
They looked at each other, and it felt as if the air was humming.
‘Maybe,’ he said, ‘neither of us needs to put an ad on the dating site.’
She didn’t pull away or look horrified at the idea.
So he leaned forward and gave in to what he’d wanted to do for a year or more. He touched his mouth very lightly to hers.
Dear Reader (#u141724cc-ce56-5674-ae3b-761c28dc33ae),
I’ve always liked friends-to-lovers stories, but this one has a slight twist in that the hero is also the best friend of the heroine’s late husband.
And when friendship turns to love when do you dare to take the risk of wrecking the friendship?
A Promise…to a Proposal? is about how Ruby and Ellis take that particular journey—from Ellis promising his best friend that he’ll look after his widow to both of them falling in love.
The story’s set partly in my bit of the world (or a fictionalised bit of the East Anglian coast), partly in London, and partly in a very beautiful city that I had the privilege to explore earlier this year—Prague. And I’m afraid I stole the posh dinner my family and I had—the best meal we’ve ever eaten!
I hope you enjoy Ellis and Ruby’s story.
I’m always delighted to hear from readers, so do come and visit me at katehardy.com
With love
Kate Hardy
KATE HARDY lives in Norwich, in the east of England, with her husband, two young children, one bouncy spaniel and too many books to count! When she’s not busy writing romance or researching local history she helps out at her children’s schools. She also loves cooking—spot the recipes sneaked into her books! (They’re also on her website, along with extracts and the stories behind her books.)
Writing for Mills & Boon
has been a dream come true for Kate—something she wanted to do ever since she was twelve. She’s been writing Medical Romance™ for over ten years now. She says it’s the best of both worlds, because she gets to learn lots of new things when she’s researching the background to a book: add a touch of passion, drama and danger, a new gorgeous hero every time, and it’s the perfect job!
Kate’s always delighted to hear from readers, so do drop in to her website at katehardy.com (http://www.katehardy.com)
A Promise…to a Proposal?
Kate Hardy
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
To Gerard, Chris and Chloe—
remembering the best meal we’ve ever eaten!
Table of Contents
Cover (#uf852c26a-f5e4-5e7c-908f-b143989b60d8)
Praise for Kate Hardy
Excerpt (#u47d1262f-8642-5e66-aafb-306f28e4ed54)
Dear Reader
About the Author (#u119aa1cb-9110-53ba-869e-5db27c9608a5)
Title Page (#u7d6738d9-9b53-5765-8119-f0c460c6ca0b)
Dedication (#ub69941f6-7cdd-55a0-a067-28c2dc29704f)
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
EPILOGUE
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#u141724cc-ce56-5674-ae3b-761c28dc33ae)
‘HERE?’ RUBY ASKED.
‘It’s a sandy beach, we’re below the high tide line, the tide’s coming in right now and the wind’s in the right direction—so I’d say it’s just about perfect,’ Ellis said.
Well, it would’ve been perfect if it hadn’t been drizzling with rain. But today was what it was, and the weather didn’t matter. Just as it hadn’t mattered a year ago. The day that had blown a hole in all their lives.
She smiled. ‘Tom always did say you were the practical one.’
And the one with itchy feet who could never stay in one place for long.
Except for the last eighteen months, which Ellis had spent in London solely because of Tom, his best friend since their first day at infant school. They’d gone to university together, and trained together in the same London hospital. When Tom had been diagnosed with leukaemia, that had been the one thing to bring Ellis back to England. He’d wanted to be there for his best friend and support him through to the end. Ellis had promised Tom in those last agonising months that he’d be there for Ruby, too, and support her through at least the first year after Tom’s death.
Including today.
Which was why he was walking on the beach on a drizzly September day with Tom’s parents and Ruby, on the first anniversary of Tom’s death, to help them scatter some of Tom’s ashes in his favourite place. A place that brought back so many happy childhood memories that it put a lump in Ellis’s throat.
‘Thanks for looking up all the information for us,’ Ruby said. ‘I wasn’t sure if we had to get permission from someone first or even how you go about scattering ashes.’
‘Hey, it’s the least I could do. I loved Tom, too,’ Ellis said. And when Ruby had first broached the subject about scattering Tom’s ashes, he’d known exactly where Tom would’ve wanted it to be.
He spread a couple of waterproof blankets on the beach for the four of them to kneel on, and took four brightly coloured spades and buckets from a plastic bag.
It might be a dark day, the final goodbye, but Ellis wanted to remember the brightness. To remember Tom as he was before he was ill and to celebrate the close friendship they’d shared over the years.
‘I remember you boys doing this when you were small,’ Brenda said with a wobble in her voice as she dug into the sand and filled her bucket. ‘You both loved the beach. It didn’t matter if it was summer or winter—if we asked you what you wanted to do, you’d both beg to come here and make sandcastles.’
The lump in Ellis’s throat meant he couldn’t speak. He remembered. Days when life was simple. Days when his parents had been as carefree as Tom’s. Though Tom’s parents, he knew, wouldn’t react in the same way as his parents had when it came to the death of their child. Brenda and Mike would talk about Tom with love and keep him alive in their hearts, rather than stonewalling everything.
Working in companionable silence, the four of them made a sandcastle. Just as they had when Tom and Ellis were small boys: only this time Tom’s widow was taking Tom’s place.
When they’d finished, Ellis produced a flag from his bag—one made from an ice-lolly stick and a photograph of Tom. It was one of his favourite memories: the day they’d opened their A level results together, whooped, and known they were both going to train as doctors in London. For Tom, it had been the next step towards a dream. For Ellis, it had been the next step towards escape from a home that had come to feel like a mausoleum.
‘He was eighteen years old then,’ Mike said softly as Ellis handed him the flag. ‘With the whole world before him.’
How very little time Tom had actually had. Not even half a lifetime.
And how very much Ellis wished his best friend was still here. ‘He was special,’ Ellis said, his voice cracking.
‘Yes. He was,’ Mike said, and put the flag on the top turret.
Brenda and Ruby both gulped hard and squeezed each other’s hand.
Ellis finished digging the moat round the outside of the castle; and then the four of them took turns scattering Tom’s ashes in the moat and covering them over with sand. Ruby sprinkled rose petals on the top.
Then Ellis moved the blankets back a little way, set up the two huge umbrellas he’d packed in the car when he’d seen the weather report, and uncorked a bottle of champagne.
‘To Tom,’ he said when he’d filled their glasses. ‘And may our memories of him make the smiles outnumber the tears.’ Even though right now it felt as if the tears were more than outweighing the smiles, Ellis was determined to celebrate his friend rather than be selfish about his loss.
Mike, Brenda and Ruby echoed the toast, even though their smiles were wobbly and Ellis could see their eyes were shiny with tears they tried to blink away.
Then the four of them sat and watched as the tide came in, slowly sweeping the sandcastle away with the ashes, and tumbling the rose petals and Tom’s photograph in the waves.
Afterwards, Ellis drove Tom’s parents home.
‘Will you come in for something to eat?’ Brenda asked on the doorstep.
‘Thanks, but…’ Ellis tailed off. Even being in this town made him feel stifled. He hated it here. What he really wanted to do was drive as fast as he could back to London. Away from the dark memories.
‘Of course. You’ll want to drop in to see your own mum while you’re here,’ Brenda said.
Ellis didn’t have the heart to disillusion her, so he just smiled. Today of all days, he really couldn’t face his parents. They’d be aware of what he’d just been doing, and they’d be thinking of Sally. And, as always, they’d retreat into coolness rather than talk to him or even give him a sympathetic hug. Even though Ellis understood why—when you’d lost someone you loved so very much, sometimes withdrawing from everyone seemed like the only way to keep your heart safe from further hurt—he still found it hard to deal with. He always felt as if he’d lost more than his beloved only sister, twenty years ago; he’d lost his parents, too. And although he’d remained reasonably close to his older brothers, his choice of career had put a distinct rift between them. Tom’s parents had been Ellis’s greatest support through his teen years, and he’d always be grateful to them for it. And for Tom’s sake he’d look out for them now, the way they’d looked out for him.
Brenda hugged him. ‘Thank you for being there for us.’
‘Any time.’ And he meant it. ‘Just because Tom’s…’ He couldn’t say the word. He just couldn’t. ‘Not here,’ he said croakily, ‘it doesn’t mean you’re not still part of my life, because you are. You know I think of you as my second set of parents. I always will.’
Tears glittered in Brenda’s eyes. She patted his shoulder, clearly too moved to talk, and then hugged Ruby.
‘I’ll text you when we get back to London,’ Ruby promised.
But she looked quizzically at Ellis when he drove straight out of the town and back towards London. ‘I thought you were going to see your parents?’
‘Not today.’
‘Look, don’t feel you have to get me back to London if you want to see them. I can always go back to Brenda and Mike’s and wait until you’re ready, or get the train back.’
That was the point. He didn’t actually want to see his parents. Especially not today. Part of him lambasted himself for being selfish, but the realistic part of him knew it was necessary self-preservation. ‘Another time,’ he said.
‘If you’re sure.’
‘Oh, I’m sure,’ he said softly. ‘My parents are…complicated.’
She reached over and squeezed his hand briefly. ‘I know,’ she said, equally softly.
In the months since Tom’s death, Ellis had opened up a little to Ruby and told her about the tragedy that had taken the sunshine out of his world. How his older sister had taken a gap year before university, teaching in a remote school. Sally had fallen pregnant by accident and hadn’t realised it at first; when she’d been so sick, everyone had assumed it was a virus. But by the time they’d realised she was suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum, a severe form of morning sickness, it was too late. She’d grown too weak, developed complications, gone into organ failure and never regained consciousness.
And Ellis’s parents had never recovered from losing their only daughter. Their remaining three sons simply hadn’t been enough to bring them back from the cold, emotionless life they’d led from that moment on.
Ellis and Ruby drove back in companionable silence, listening to Nick Drake. The kind of mellow, faintly melancholy stuff Ellis had enjoyed listening to with Tom. It went well with the rain and his mood.
Back in London, he parked in the street outside Ruby’s house and saw her to the door.
‘Thank you, for today, Ellis. I don’t know what I would have done this last year without you,’ she said.
‘Hey, no problem—and you’ve helped me, too.’ He hugged her. Bad move. Now he could smell her perfume, the sweet scent of violets. And she fitted perfectly in his arms.
She’s your best friend’s widow, he reminded himself silently. No, no and absolutely no. Don’t even think about it. You do not make a move on this woman. Ever. Hands off.
‘I’ll see you at work tomorrow,’ he said. ‘Call me if you need me.’
‘Thanks, Ellis.’ She reached up and kissed his cheek.
For a moment, Ellis desperately wanted to twist his face to the side so the kiss landed on his mouth. For months now he’d wanted to kiss Ruby. But he held himself back. The feelings he’d developed towards her over the last year were completely inappropriate; plus he risked losing one of his closest friendships if he asked her out. He was pretty sure that Ruby saw him only as a friend, so wanting more was just stupid. Especially as he knew he wasn’t a good bet when it came to relationships.
His normal job, working for a medical aid charity, meant that relationships were tricky. Either he had long-distance affairs where he hardly ever saw his girlfriend and the relationship ended by mutual agreement because his girlfriend just got fed up waiting for him; or they were short, sweet flings that ended when he moved on to another assignment. Except for his marriage to Natalia—he’d thought that would be the exception to the rule, that maybe he could have the best of both worlds after all. How wrong he’d been there. So nowadays he didn’t do more than short, fun flings—where everyone knew the score before they started and nobody ended up disappointed.
When Ruby was finally ready to move on, Ellis knew she’d want more than just a fling or a long-distance relationship. More than he could offer her. Asking for more than friendship would just ruin a relationship that had become really important to him over the last eighteen months. And to have her solely as his friend was way better than not having her in his life at all, wasn’t it? So he’d just have to keep himself in check.
‘I’d better go,’ he mumbled, and left before he did something really reckless and stupid. Like kissing her.
And he brooded all the way home. His current job as an obstetrician at the London Victoria was only temporary, covering another registrar’s maternity leave, and his contract was due to end in a couple of months’ time when Billie was due to return. He’d already agreed to do a month’s assignment for the medical aid charity, helping to set up a new medical centre in Zimbabwe, when his temporary contract at the London Victoria ended. Going to work abroad again would mean he’d be out of temptation’s way and he wouldn’t hurt Ruby.
Then again, Ellis had promised Tom that he’d look after Ruby. Until he knew that she was ready to move on and had found someone else to share her life—someone who was good enough for her and would treat her as she deserved—how could he desert her?
It was a tricky line to walk.
So he’d just have to bury his feelings, the way he normally did, and everything would be just fine.
Ruby watched Ellis drive away, feeling guilty. For a moment she’d been tempted to kiss him on the lips instead of on the cheek.
How could she possibly want to kiss another man? And especially how could she have thoughts like that on the first anniversary of her husband’s death? How mean-spirited and selfish and plain wrong was that?
She closed the door with a grimace of self-disgust.
Plus she knew that Tom had asked Ellis to look out for her. Letting Ellis know that she was starting to see him as more than a friend might make everything go wrong between them. He’d always been such a perfect gentleman towards her. Trying to push their friendship in another direction might mean that she lost him—and she didn’t want that to happen. She liked having Ellis in her life. Liked it a lot.
Though she had a nasty feeling that she was going to lose him anyway. Ellis had always had itchy feet, according to Tom, and she knew that Ellis wanted to go back to the medical aid charity. The place where he’d always felt he’d belonged.
Losing Tom had ripped Ruby’s heart to shreds. Over the last year, she’d gradually put the pieces back together, and it would be very stupid to let herself fall for someone who’d made it very clear that he didn’t do permanent. Someone who didn’t want the same things she wanted. Someone she knew she’d lose to his job. Yes, he would come back to England from time to time to see her—but she’d be lonely in London, waiting for him. Yet, if she went with him, she’d end up feeling horribly homesick and missing her family. Neither option was right for her. Which meant that Ellis really wasn’t the right man for her, much as she was attracted to him, and she needed to think with her head rather than her heart.
Now they’d scattered Tom’s ashes and she was back in London again, Ruby didn’t quite know what to do with herself. She wished she’d asked Ellis to go somewhere for dinner with her or something; right now, she felt so lonely.
She mooched around for the best part of an hour, not able to settle to reading or doing crosswords. Even cleaning the bathroom until it sparkled didn’t make her feel as if she’d achieved anything; she was in limbo.
Then the doorbell rang.
Her heart leapt. Had Ellis come back?
No, of course not. How stupid of her to think it.
She opened the door to see her best friend, Tina, bearing what looked suspiciously like a box of homemade cake.
‘With today being what it is, I thought you could do with some company tonight,’ Tina said, ‘and this.’ She lifted the box. ‘Lemon cake.’
Ruby’s favourite. And Ruby knew without a doubt Tina had made it especially for her. It was probably still warm.
‘There isn’t anyone in the world I’d rather see right now,’ Ruby said, meaning it. Not even Ellis. Because with her best friend Ruby knew she wouldn’t have that edge of guilt and faint shame that she seemed to feel around Ellis nowadays, outside work. ‘Thank you. Thank you so much.’ She hugged her best friend, hard.
Tina hung her coat in the hallway and made herself at home in the kitchen, putting the kettle on and getting the teapot out of the cupboard, the way she and Ruby had done hundreds of times over the years in each other’s kitchens. ‘So how did it go this afternoon?’
‘Really well. It didn’t matter that it was raining. Ellis had brought a couple of huge umbrellas and waterproof blankets for us to sit on.’ Ruby smiled. ‘We made a sandcastle and put the ashes in the moat, covered it with rose petals, toasted Tom with champagne and let the sea wash the sandcastle and the ashes away together.’
‘It sounds perfect—well, as perfect as something like that could be.’ Tina finished making the tea, put the lemon cake on the plate and cut them both a slice, then handed Ruby a steaming mug. ‘To Tom,’ she said, lifting her mug and clinking it against Ruby’s. ‘I’ll miss him horribly. But I’ll always be glad I knew him, because he was just the nicest guy in the world.’
‘Yeah.’ Ruby took a sip of her tea to take the lump out of her throat.
‘Hey. It’s OK to cry,’ Tina said softly.
‘No. I want to remember him with smiles, not tears,’ Ruby insisted. ‘He wouldn’t have wanted anyone to be miserable.’
‘But?’
Ruby and Tina had clicked immediately when they’d met on the first day of their nursing training at the age of eighteen, and they’d been friends for long enough to have a pretty good idea what each other wasn’t saying.
‘I feel a bit guilty, that’s all.’ Ruby wasn’t quite ready to admit her feelings for Ellis, but she also knew that Tina was the best person she could float ideas past. Someone who’d be honest with her.
‘Why on earth do you feel guilty?’ Tina looked puzzled.
‘Because tomorrow it’ll be a year and a day—the last traditional day of mourning—and over those last months Tom said to me quite a few times that he didn’t want me to be alone and grieving for him. He said he wanted me to live a happy life with someone who loves me as much as he did.’
‘Now you’re putting a lump in my throat.’ Tina hugged her. ‘Though he’s right—you’re still young. In fact, at twenty-nine you’re practically a baby.’
Ruby laughed. There were all of six months between them, with Ruby being one of the youngest in their academic year and Tina one of the oldest. ‘Thirty’s not exactly old, Tina.’
‘No.’ Tina looked at her. ‘Rubes, are you saying you want to date again?’
‘I love Tom—I always will—but I think I’m ready to move on. Scattering his ashes today felt a lot like closure,’ Ruby said. ‘But is everyone going to think I’m heartless and I should wait a lot longer before even thinking about moving on?’
‘No. Some people will probably mutter about it being too soon,’ Tina said, ‘but remember that you can’t please all of the people all of the time, so don’t let that get to you. It’s none of their business. You’re the only one who can really say when you’re ready.’
‘I guess.’ Ruby bit her lip. ‘I just…’ She shook her head and sighed. ‘Sorry.’
‘As you said, Tom wanted you to be happy and he wanted you to find someone else. You have his blessing, and you don’t need anyone else’s.’
Even if I fell for his best friend?
But Ruby couldn’t quite bring herself to ask that. She’d barely admitted it to herself and she still needed time to get used to the idea.
‘You know, we’ve got a new registrar in Neurology. He’s a nice guy. Single. New to London. Maybe…’ Tina let the suggestion hang in the air.
‘Maybe,’ Ruby said.
‘Don’t make a decision now. Just think about it,’ Tina said gently. ‘In the meantime, I think we need a feel-good film and more cake.’
‘Brilliant idea. Let’s do it,’ Ruby said, and ushered her best friend into the living room.
But she found it hard to concentrate on the film, because she couldn’t stop thinking about Ellis. Ellis, with his haunted grey eyes. Ellis, who had itchy feet but had stayed in one place for the longest time since his training, specifically to be there for her.
Her husband’s best friend.
What if…?
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_a7983429-0225-5e62-b703-40b0151b95f1)
RUBY EXAMINED MRS HARRIS GENTLY.
‘So is everything OK?’ Mrs Harris asked anxiously.
‘I’m happy with how you’re doing,’ Ruby said, ‘but we do have a tiny complication, in that your little one is quite happy being bottom-down rather than top-down. So I just want a quick chat with the doctor to talk through your options for the birth.’
Mrs Harris bit her lip. ‘So the baby’s in the wrong position?’
‘Bottom-first rather than head-first—it’s called being a breech baby,’ Ruby explained. ‘It’s a really common position in early pregnancy, but the baby usually turns by itself into the head-first position before birth. Your baby hasn’t turned yet, that’s all.’
‘Does it mean there’s something wrong with the baby?’ Mrs Harris asked.
‘No. It happens with about three in a hundred babies, and there are all kinds of reasons for it, some of them being plain baby awkwardness because they want to do things their way rather than follow their mum’s birth plan,’ Ruby reassured her. ‘I’ll just go and get Dr Webster, and then we can talk it through with him.’ She squeezed Mrs Harris’s hand. ‘Try not to worry. There are a few things we can do to persuade the baby to turn.’ She smiled, and went to find Ellis in his office.
Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him. Ellis was wearing a charcoal grey suit, a white shirt and an understated tie rather than green Theatre scrubs, and he looked utterly gorgeous. He wouldn’t have looked out of place on the pages of a glossy magazine as a model for an upmarket perfume house.
And she needed to stop herself thinking like this. Ellis was her friend and her colleague. Asking for more was just greedy.
She tapped on the open door and leaned against the jamb. ‘Hey, Ellis. Can I borrow you for a second?’
He looked up and smiled at her, and her heart skipped another beat.
‘Sure. Problem?’ he asked.
‘Complication,’ she said. ‘I have a first-time mum who’s thirty-seven weeks. Her baby’s quite happily settled in the breech position. I know her birth plan is firmly centred round a natural birth with no intervention.’ And she also knew that a lot of doctors would take one look at Mrs Harris’s situation and immediately insist on a caesarean section. Given Ellis’s experience outside the hospital, Ruby really hoped that he’d take a different tack and give Mrs Harris a chance to have the birth she really wanted. ‘So I wondered if you’d mind coming and chatting through her options for the birth,’ she finished.
‘Of course I will. You did warn her that babies never respect their mum’s birth plans, didn’t you?’
She smiled back. ‘I always do.’
‘So what are you thinking?’
‘We’ll start with an ECV to see if we can get the baby to turn,’ Ruby said. ‘But, if it doesn’t work, I’m hoping that I can talk one of the obstetricians—’ she gave him a pointed look so he’d know she meant him ‘—into agreeing to a trial of labour for a vaginal breech delivery.’
‘I think we’ve only had a couple on the ward since I’ve been here, and I wasn’t on duty at the time,’ Ellis said. ‘Are the doctors here not supportive of vaginal breech births?’
‘Theo’s wonderful,’ Ruby said. Theo Petrakis, the director of the maternity ward at the London Victoria, believed in supporting his midwives and keeping intervention to a minimum. ‘But, as you say, it’s not that common—and I need someone who’s had a reasonable amount of experience in delivering breech babies.’
‘Which is why you’re talking to me?’
She gave him her sweetest smile. ‘Got it in one.’
‘She’s a first-time mum, so we have no guarantee that her pelvis is big enough to cope.’ Ellis looked thoughtful. ‘OK. If ECV doesn’t work then—on condition the baby’s not too big or small, the baby’s head isn’t tilted back and I’m happy that the mum’s pelvis is going to cope—I’ll support you and you can call me in, even if I’m not on duty when she goes into labour. But in return I need a favour from you.’
Ruby’s heart skipped yet another beat. What was he going to ask for?
A kiss?
She shook herself mentally. How ridiculous. She really had to stop fantasising about Ellis. This was totally inappropriate. They were at work, and she needed to keep her professionalism to the forefront. ‘Sure. What do you want?’
‘I’d like you to talk your mum into letting a couple of the junior staff observe their first ever breech birth. One midwife, one doctor.’
‘Great minds think alike. I was going to ask you if there was anyone you wanted to come and observe.’ And she really liked the fact that he’d thought of the midwifery team, too, not just the obstetricians. She smiled. ‘I want to reassure Mrs Harris that we’ll try our best to help give her the birth experience she really wants, but I’ll make it clear that if the baby’s in distress at any point then we might need to give her a section, so she needs to be prepared for that to happen.’
‘Which is again where I’d come in,’ Ellis said.
‘Just flutter those disgustingly long eyelashes at her. Actually, on second thoughts, perhaps you’d better not,’ she said. ‘You already look more like a movie star than a doctor.’
‘Very funny, Rubes,’ Ellis said, but he didn’t look the slightest bit offended.
Which was another reason why she should put this whole thing out of her head. If she made an approach to Ellis and he turned her down…Even though she knew he’d be kind about it, it would still put a strain on their friendship. On their working relationship. And Ruby didn’t want to take the risk of wrecking either of them.
Maybe it was just loneliness making her feel this way, and she should take Tina up on her offer of setting her up with the new registrar on the Neurology ward.
‘Penny for them?’ Ellis asked.
No way was she going to tell Ellis what she was thinking about. ‘Just my first-time mum,’ she said with a smile. It was true; it just wasn’t the whole truth.
Back in the examination room, she introduced Ellis. ‘Mrs Harris, this is Dr Ellis Webster, one of our registrars. Ellis, this is Mrs Harris. She’s a first-time mum, the baby’s thirty-seven weeks, and the baby’s quite happy in the breech position.’
‘Nice to meet you, Mrs Harris.’ Ellis shook her hand and smiled at her. ‘Ruby tells me that you’d like as natural a birth as possible.’
‘I definitely don’t want an epidural. I want to manage with gas and air,’ Mrs Harris said. ‘And I really didn’t want to have a section.’ She bit her lip. ‘But, because the baby’s lying the wrong way, does that mean I have to have a section?’
‘It’s a possibility,’ Ellis said, ‘but it might be possible for you to have a vaginal delivery. With the baby being breech, it means that the head—which is the biggest part of the baby—is the last bit to be delivered, so it’s a little bit more complicated. May I examine you?’
At her nod, he examined her gently.
‘As Ruby said, your baby’s definitely bottom-down. But we can try to persuade the baby to move. There’s a procedure called an ECV, which stands for external cephalic version. Ruby here’s very experienced.’
‘What happens is that I’ll press down on your abdomen and encourage the baby to turn a somersault—a bit like him doing a forward roll inside your stomach,’ Ruby explained.
‘And it always works?’ Mrs Harris asked.
‘It works about for about fifty per cent of babies,’ Ellis said. ‘And if it doesn’t work today, then we can always try again tomorrow. Though I should warn you that even if the baby does turn, sometimes the baby then decides to roll back again.’
‘So if you do this ECV thing, what about the baby?’ Mrs Harris asked. ‘Will he be OK? It’s not going to hurt him?’
‘He’ll be fine,’ Ruby reassured her. ‘Plus we’ll monitor him before, during and after the ECV to keep an eye on him. There is a tiny risk that you might start having contractions, and also the baby’s heart rate might go up a bit—usually it settles again pretty quickly, but I do want you to be aware that sometimes the baby’s heart rate doesn’t settle again, and in that case you’ll need to have a section.’
‘But it’s a tiny risk?’ Mrs Harris checked.
‘Tiny,’ Ruby confirmed.
‘All right, then.’ Mrs Harris paused. ‘Will it hurt me?’
‘It can be a bit uncomfortable, yes,’ Ruby said. ‘But, if it hurts, all you have to do is tell us and we’ll stop immediately.’
Mrs Harris looked worried. ‘But if it doesn’t work, does that mean I’ll have to have a section?’
‘The baby’s a good weight. He’s not too big or too small,’ Ellis said. ‘Though I would want to check that his neck isn’t tilted back before I agree to try a vaginal delivery. If the baby’s head is tilted back, then I’m afraid you will need a caesarean section, because that’ll be the safest thing for the baby.’
‘Is there anything else I can do to help the baby turn, or make sure he stays the right way round if you do the ECV? Can I sit or lie in a certain way?’ Mrs Harris asked.
Ruby shook her head. ‘I’m afraid it won’t make any difference.’
‘So why hasn’t he turned round the right way? Why is he bottom-down instead of head-down?’
‘There are lots of reasons,’ Ellis said. ‘Sometimes it’s down to the position of your placenta. As I said earlier, the biggest part of the baby is the head, so the baby tends to fidget round and make sure he’s in the most comfortable position, which means his head will be in the biggest space—in your lower uterus, so he’ll be head-down. But if you have a low-lying placenta, then the biggest space is in your upper uterus, so the baby will be bottom-down.’ He smiled. ‘Sometimes it’s just plain old chance. Babies have a habit of doing things their way, and I know a lot of mums who haven’t ended up having the birth they’d set their heart on. So all I’d say is please try not to be disappointed if we can’t follow your birth plan to the letter.’
‘We’ll do our best to make it work for you,’ Ruby said, ‘but Dr Webster’s right—at the end of the day, babies can be very stubborn and they’ll do things their way.’
‘I think this one’s going to be like his dad,’ Mrs Harris said ruefully. ‘Can Ian be here when you try and make the baby turn round?’
‘Of course,’ Ruby reassured her. ‘We can try this afternoon, just after lunch. Will that give him enough time to get here?’
Mrs Harris nodded. ‘I’ll call him. Thank you. Both of you.’
‘I’ll see you later this afternoon, Mrs Harris,’ Ellis said with a smile.
The rest of Ruby’s clinic ran on time. Just as she broke for lunch, she saw Ellis coming out of the staff kitchen. ‘Got time for lunch?’ he asked.
‘That would be nice,’ she said.
They headed down to the canteen, chatting companionably. At the counter, Ellis as usual chose the vegetarian option.
‘Any excuse to stuff your face with pasta and garlic bread. You’re such a carb junkie,’ Ruby teased.
‘Protein’s important, but I’ve worked in areas where people are so poor and the cost of raising—’ He broke off. ‘You’re teasing me, aren’t you?’
‘It’s very easy to tease you, Ellis—you’re so serious,’ she said with a smile. ‘Look, I know why you’re vegetarian and I admire your principles.’
‘But you don’t share them,’ he finished.
She shook her head. ‘I’m sorry, but vegetarian bacon is never going to be as good as the real thing for me.’
He laughed. ‘You’re such a hedonist. Anyway, Rubes, you can talk about being a carb junkie. I’ve seen you and Tina with cake. It lasts for about three seconds when you two are around.’
‘Busted,’ Ruby said with a grin.
‘Are you OK about doing the ECV this afternoon?’ he asked.
‘It’s fine,’ Ruby said. ‘I’d really like to bring Coral, our new trainee midwife, in to observe, if Mrs Harris doesn’t mind—and if you don’t mind.’
‘Of course not. You know I agree with you; it’s always a good idea to give students as broad an experience as possible.’
‘That’s one of the things I like about you—you’re so practical and sensible. Thanks,’ she said.
Practical and sensible. Not how he’d been when he’d married Natalia, Ellis thought wryly. He’d lost his head and they’d both paid the price.
Though Ruby had said that was one of the things she liked about him. He couldn’t help wondering: what else did she like about him?
He shook himself. This really wasn’t appropriate. Ruby Fisher was his friend. His best friend’s girl—well, widow, but that was a technicality. Time to back off. ‘I try to be practical,’ he said lightly.
‘Ellis, I, um, wanted to run something by you,’ she said.
She looked worried, and Ellis frowned. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Not wrong, exactly…but today’s a year and a day since Tom died.’
Yeah. He knew. He’d spent the anniversary with her on a Suffolk beach yesterday.
‘And a year and a day is supposed to be the traditional length of time for mourning.’
He went cold. Where was she going with this?
‘I’m never going to forget Tom,’ Ruby said, ‘but he always told me that he didn’t want me to spend the rest of my life mourning for him, and he wanted me to move on.’
Wait—what?
Was she saying that she wanted to date again? That she’d met someone? Who? Where? How? Ellis couldn’t quite process this.
‘And Tina’s going to set me up on a blind date with her new colleague in Neurology,’ she finished.
Ruby was really going on a date? With someone else? But—but…
‘Ellis? You haven’t said anything.’ She looked even more worried. ‘Do you think it’s too soon?’
‘I…’ He blew out a breath. This was a minefield. If he said the wrong thing now, he’d hurt her—and that was the last thing he wanted to do. ‘I think,’ he said slowly, ‘that you’re the best one to judge that. Only you know when you’re ready.’
But the idea of seeing her with another man made him feel sick.
It was different when she’d been married to Tom. Ellis would never, ever have done anything to destroy his best friend’s marriage. But now Ruby was widowed. And Ellis hated the idea of her going out with someone else.
If she really was ready to date again, maybe he could ask her out himself.
But, if she said no, then how could they go back to their old easy friendship, once they knew they didn’t feel the same about each other?
He didn’t want to risk losing her.
So he was just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. Even if it felt as if someone had just filleted him.
Typical Ellis. Sensible and measured. I think you’re the best one to judge that.
Which told Ruby without a doubt that he wasn’t interested in her. Otherwise that would’ve been his cue to suggest that she dated him, wouldn’t it?
So it was just as well she hadn’t suggested anything to him. It would’ve put an irreparable strain on their friendship, and she valued him too much to risk losing him.
‘I guess you’re right,’ she said. ‘I just didn’t want people to think that I was the Merry Widow, not caring about Tom. And I feel guilty about wanting to date again.’ She felt even more guilty about the fact that she was attracted to Ellis, particularly as he’d just made it clear it wasn’t reciprocated.
‘You’re always going to love him,’ Ellis said. ‘But at the end of the day life still goes on. And Tom didn’t want you to be lonely. He wanted you to be happy. What anyone else thinks is simply their opinion. They have the right to think whatever they like, but they don’t have the right to shove it down your throat. You do what makes you happy, Rubes.’
Yeah.
Though sometimes she wondered if she’d ever find that kind of happiness again. If she was being greedy and expecting too much. Some people didn’t even have that kind of happiness once in their lives, so what right did she have to expect to find it twice?
Ellis reached over to squeeze her hand, and her skin tingled all the way up her arm.
‘Be happy, Ruby. You’ve got my full support. And if anyone says otherwise, send them to see me and I’ll put them straight.’
He sounded as if he were her big brother.
And she’d just have to learn to see him as a kind of sibling instead of the man she wanted to start dating.
After lunch, Ruby called the Harrises in from the waiting area.
‘I was wondering—would you mind if Coral, my trainee midwife, came in and observed the procedure?’ she asked.
‘No, that’s fine, love,’ Mrs Harris said. ‘I’ll do whatever you want if you can get this baby to do that forward roll.’
‘I’ll do my best. Thank you.’ She smiled at Mrs Harris. ‘I’m going to check how the baby’s doing, first, on the ultrasound. If I’m happy with that, I’ll give you some drugs to relax your womb—it won’t hurt you or the baby, but it’ll mean your baby has a bit more room to do that forward roll.’
‘All right. Is that nice doctor going to be here?’
‘Dr Webster? Yes. He’s just making a quick phone call, and then he’ll be right here. And I’ll go and collect Coral so I can introduce her to you.’ Ruby smiled at her. ‘Lie back and bare your tummy for me. Though I’m afraid my gel’s a little bit colder than it is in the ultrasound suite.’
‘I don’t mind,’ Mrs Harris said, smiling back.
Once Ruby had established that everything was fine, she moved the screen so that the Harrises could see the baby. ‘There he is—looking very comfy right now.’
‘Hopefully he won’t be stubborn and he’ll move,’ Mrs Harris said wryly.
‘I’ll give you those drugs now.’ Ruby administered them swiftly. ‘Make yourself comfortable, and I’ll be right back,’ she said.
When she returned, Ellis was already there. Ruby introduced the Harrises to Coral.
‘So what we’re going to do today is an external cephalic version—ECV, for short. The idea is to move the baby’s bottom away from his mum’s pelvis,’ Ruby explained. ‘I’ve already given Mrs Harris some drugs to help relax her womb, and we’ve seen the baby on the ultrasound. What I’m going to do now, Mrs Harris, is to push firmly on your abdomen to encourage the baby to do a kind of forward roll. It’ll take maybe a minute to a minute and a half. As I said earlier, it might be a little bit uncomfortable but it shouldn’t hurt. If it does hurt, I need you to tell me straight away and I’ll stop.’
‘All right.’ Mrs Harris looked nervous, and Ruby noticed that she was holding her husband’s hand really tightly.
‘You might even see him do a forward roll in your tummy, so keep an eye on my hands,’ she said with a smile.
Coral came quietly to the side so she could see and, gently but firmly, Ruby performed the manoeuvre, trying to ease the baby into a transverse position before he moved into the head-down position.
But the baby stubbornly refused to move.
After two minutes, Ruby stopped.
‘Is something wrong?’ Mr Harris asked anxiously.
‘No—just that this baby really doesn’t want to move today,’ Ruby said.
‘The longer the procedure takes, the less likely it is to work,’ Ellis explained. ‘But try not to worry. We can always try again tomorrow.’
They checked the baby again with the ultrasound. ‘He’s doing just fine,’ Ellis reassured the Harrises. He glanced at the notes. ‘Actually, his heart rate is pretty much as it was before Ruby started the ECV, so I’m happy for you to go home now, or you can stay in the waiting room until you’re ready.’
‘If we try again tomorrow and it still doesn’t work, that means I’m going to have to have a section, doesn’t it?’ Mrs Harris asked.
‘Not necessarily,’ Ruby reassured her. ‘Remember what we said this morning. We can still try for a vaginal delivery if the ECV doesn’t work next time. We’ll just need a bit of patience.’
‘If it helps, I’ve delivered one or two breech babies in the middle of a field before now,’ Ellis added.
‘In the middle of a field?’ Mr Harris looked surprised.
‘I worked for a medical aid charity for a few years,’ Ellis said. ‘So I’ve delivered babies after natural disasters where there isn’t even any running water in the area.’
Mrs Harris bit her lip. ‘And here I am, moaning about it all, when I know I’m going to have a comfortable bed and all the medical equipment anyone needs! That’s terrible. I feel…’ She grimaced. ‘Well, guilty, now.’
‘You really don’t need to. This is all new to you, and it’s perfectly natural that you’re concerned,’ Ellis said. ‘Actually, I’d be more concerned if you weren’t worried.’
‘I think she should have a section,’ Ian Harris said. ‘I looked up breech births on the Internet, and they said it’s likely that the baby’s head will get trapped or the baby will be brain-damaged.’
‘The Internet,’ Ellis said gently, ‘is full of scary stories. It’s the same with magazines—they’re going to tell you all about the unusual cases and the dramatic stuff, because it’s the drama that sells copies. They won’t tell you that most women have a perfectly safe, normal delivery. As Ruby says, you just need a bit of patience with a vaginal breech birth. I believe in being hands off and letting the mum set the pace, and I only intervene if there’s a problem.’
‘So I won’t have to have an episiotomy?’ Mrs Harris asked.
‘Hopefully not. We’ll see how it goes,’ Ellis said. ‘Though I will say that if your labour isn’t progressing after an hour, then I’ll recommend a section. In my experience, when labour doesn’t progress, it means there’s a complication and you need help.’
‘All right,’ Mrs Harris said.
Ruby could see that Mrs Harris was biting back the tears, and sat down on the bed beside her to hold her other hand. ‘We’ll do our best for you, I promise,’ she said softly. ‘We’re on your side. All we’re saying is that if it doesn’t work out quite the way you want it to, then please don’t blame yourself. You’ve given it your best shot and that’s more than good enough.’
‘OK.’ But Mrs Harris still looked close to tears.
Ruby hugged her. ‘Hang on in there,’ she said. ‘It’s going to be fine.’
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_e26d6841-8b3c-51af-8ed4-946ef79e6d76)
MRS HARRIS CAME in with her husband the next day for another attempt at the ECV. ‘I’ve been feeling a bit off, all day,’ she said. ‘I woke up in the middle of the night with a bit of a tummy-ache. Obviously I must’ve eaten something that didn’t agree with me last night.’
Or maybe, Ruby thought, it was something else causing that tummy-ache. She had a funny feeling about this—and her funny feelings were usually right.
‘Come and lie down, and I’ll examine you before we try the ECV again,’ she said.
Mrs Harris had just settled back against the bed when she grimaced. ‘Sorry. That was another twinge.’
Ruby examined her gently. ‘Has anyone mentioned Braxton-Hicks to you?’
‘The practice contractions, you mean?’
‘They’re the ones,’ Ruby said.
‘Yes—but I don’t think I’ve had any.’ Mrs Harris’s eyes widened. ‘Hang on—is that what the twinges mean? I’m having a practice contraction?’
‘Given that you’re three centimetres dilated,’ Ruby said, ‘then, actually, I think this is the real thing.’
‘But I’m only thirty-seven weeks! It’s too soon for the baby to be born.’ Mrs Harris bit her lip. ‘Do you think it was that ECV thing yesterday that’s caused this?’
‘Possibly. Or it could be that your baby’s just decided that his birthday’s going to be today,’ Ruby said with a smile. ‘Don’t worry about him being thirty-seven weeks. Not that many babies are born on their official due date—some are a couple of weeks before, and some are ten days or so late. By this stage your baby’s lungs are definitely mature enough to cope with being born.’
‘So will I have to have a section?’
‘Hopefully not,’ Ruby said cheerfully. ‘I’m just going to get someone to call Dr Webster for me. And I need to give you a scan to see exactly how the baby’s lying.’
‘Cold gel again?’ Mrs Harris asked ruefully.
‘I’m afraid so,’ Ruby said.
She came out of the cubicle and asked one of the auxiliary staff to find Ellis for her, then went back to see the Harrises and do the scan. She turned the screen so that the Harrises could see it. ‘And here we can see one baby getting ready to be born. His head’s tucked forward, just as I’d want it to be, and he’s in what we call the frank breech position—that’s the least complicated one, with his legs straight up in front of him.’
‘So I can try for a normal birth?’ Mrs Harris asked.
Ellis arrived in time to hear the question. ‘I examined you yesterday and I’m happy that your pelvis is big enough to cope with having the baby. He’s not too small, so there’s a lower risk of having problems with the cord; and he’s not too big, so he’s not going to get stuck. I’m happy with the position he’s in, with his head nicely tucked forward—so, yes, we can do this.’ He smiled. ‘As I said yesterday, I believe in keeping things natural as far as possible, so I’m not immediately going to say you’ll have to have an episiotomy and forceps to help you deliver. It might end up that way, but we’ll do our best to help you have the birth you want. Though I do want to remind you that if your labour doesn’t progress, any delays mean that the baby’s likely to be in distress and you’ll need to have a section. No heroics, OK?’
‘Agreed,’ Ian Harris said firmly.
‘Agreed,’ Mrs Harris said, though she didn’t sound quite so sure.
Ellis smiled at Ruby. ‘Dilation?’
‘Three centimetres.’
‘OK. It’s going to be a while yet before your baby arrives, so I’d suggest walking about a bit—the gravity will help him move down,’ Ellis said.
‘Would you mind very much if Coral—the trainee midwife you met yesterday—and one of the junior doctors came in to observe?’ Ruby asked.
‘No, that’s fine,’ Mrs Harris said. She squeezed her husband’s hand. ‘We’re going to have our baby today, Ian. I can’t believe it.’
It was a couple more hours before Mrs Harris was ready to start delivering the baby. Coral, the trainee midwife, and Lance, the new first-year doctor, came in to observe and Ruby introduced them both to the Harrises.
‘Being on your elbows and knees will be the most comfortable position for you, as well as being the most effective position for delivering the baby, because you can move about a bit,’ Ruby said. ‘And resting on your elbows rather than your hands will protect your wrists.’
‘Unless you really want an epidural, I’d recommend having either gas and air or pethidine as pain relief,’ Ellis added, ‘because an epidural will slow everything down.’
‘I don’t want a section,’ Mrs Harris said, ‘so I’ll manage with gas and air.’
‘Good on you,’ Ellis said.
‘The main thing to remember about a breech birth,’ Ruby explained to Coral and Lance, ‘is that you keep your hands off and be patient—you don’t want the mum clenching her muscles if you touch her.’
‘You intervene only if it’s clear that the baby needs help,’ Ellis said. ‘Which is why we’re using a foetal monitor to keep an eye on his heart rate.’
Ruby encouraged Mrs Harris to breathe through the contractions.
‘I can see the baby now,’ she said at last. ‘When you have the next contraction, I want you to give a nice big push for me.’
The baby’s buttocks arrived first, and then with the next contraction and the next push the back and shoulders were visible.
Ruby glanced at Ellis. As always when she delivered a baby with him, she noticed that he was almost misty-eyed. Ruby was, too; the moment a new life came into the world was so very special, and it was such a privilege to share it.
And Ellis was a particularly good doctor to work with; he was supportive, he listened to both the mum and the midwifery team, and he didn’t try to rush any of the mums straight to Theatre at the first sign of a complication.
At the next push, the baby’s legs came down.
‘Well done,’ Ruby said. ‘You’re doing just great. His legs are down, now. Keep breathing for me.’
The baby’s shoulders and arms came out next, and then Ruby glanced again at Ellis. At his nod, she moved into position, ready to catch the baby.
‘Almost here. Next contraction, give me the biggest push you can. Scream if you need to. Shout. Whatever you want to do, that’s fine. Just push,’ she said.
And finally, the baby’s head emerged.
‘The baby’s not crying,’ Mr Harris said, looking panicky.
And the baby was blue. At a first glance, Ruby would give him an Apgar score of four—very low.
‘It’s fine,’ Ellis reassured Mr Harris. ‘I know right now this looks very scary, but this is totally normal for a breech birth. Do you want to cut the umbilical cord, and then we can get this little one warmed up a bit and ready for a cuddle?’
Thankfully it was enough to distract Mr Harris; Ruby swiftly clamped the cord and Ellis gave the scissors to Mr Harris to cut the cord while Ruby wrapped the baby in a warm towel.
Ruby then took the baby over to the warming tray for warm air to be blown on him.
‘Do you want me to sort out the baby while you deliver the placenta?’ Ellis asked.
She smiled at him. ‘Yes, please.’
By the time she’d delivered the placenta, she was relieved to hear plenty of crying coming from Baby Harris, and she heard Ellis say, ‘I’m pleased to say your little boy’s pinked up very nicely indeed. He’s got an Apgar score of nine.’
Ruby knew that last bit was aimed for her, and she felt the strain between her shoulders disappear. Everything was fine. And, better still, Ellis also hadn’t mentioned anything about hip dysplasia, which could sometimes be a problem with breech babies.
Finally, Baby Harris was in his mum’s arms, skin to skin, and took all of three sucks for his first feed before falling asleep.
Ruby examined Mrs Harris. ‘I’m pleased to say that you don’t need any stitches,’ she said. ‘You did absolutely brilliantly. Congratulations to both of you.’
‘We could never have done it without you,’ Mrs Harris said. ‘I was so scared we’d have to just do what the doctor said.’
Ruby smiled. ‘They’re all pretty good here, actually.’ She lowered her voice to a stage whisper. ‘Though Ellis Webster is a bit special. But don’t tell him I said that, or his head will swell so much that he won’t be able to walk through the door for a week.’
Mrs Harris laughed.
‘Let’s get you settled down in the ward,’ Ruby said, ‘and you can get to know your baby.’ She stroked the baby’s cheek. ‘He’s beautiful.’
‘Do you have children?’ Mrs Harris asked.
‘No.’ She and Tom had thought very seriously about it, but then Tom had been diagnosed with leukaemia and it had never been the right time to discuss it again after that. ‘Maybe one day,’ she said wistfully.
And how odd that a picture flashed into her head. Of herself, tired yet glowing with happiness and holding a baby. And of Ellis sitting next to her, holding her hand and stroking the baby’s head.
Ridiculous. And totally inappropriate.
Ellis was her friend, and only her friend. And she had a date lined up on Saturday night with a completely different man, the new registrar on her best friend’s ward. She really shouldn’t be thinking about that kind of thing.
Ellis didn’t see Ruby over the weekend. He wanted to call her, but he knew she was going on a date with a colleague of Tina’s. So he needed to back off. To give her a chance to get to know the guy and enjoy dating again.
Even though what he really wanted to do was to scoop her over his shoulder and carry her off to his lair.
Ridiculous. He knew that Ruby saw him only as a friend. So he was going to have to ignore this stupid antsy feeling. She deserved to feel happy again. It was just a pity it meant she’d find that happiness with another man rather than with him.
So on Monday lunchtime, he summoned his brightest smile when he saw her. ‘Want to go grab a sandwich?’
‘That’d be nice.’
He waited until they’d sat down in the canteen before he asked, ‘So how was your date?’
‘Fine.’
Her smile was a little too bright. ‘But?’ he asked.
She wrinkled her nose. ‘He was a nice guy, but I don’t think he was ready to date again yet.’
Was that Ruby’s way of saying that she’d just discovered she wasn’t ready to date again yet, too?
He battened down the hopes as she continued, ‘I don’t think he’s quite over his divorce yet.’
‘Ah. Baggage.’
She gave him a rueful smile. ‘I guess we all have baggage when we get to this age.’
‘Mmm.’
‘Look at you,’ she said softly.
Oh, no. He really didn’t want to discuss that. He didn’t like talking about his feelings. And he definitely didn’t want to talk about his baggage. Ruby knew he was divorced, but he hadn’t told her the whole messy story.
‘Tom always said you’d never settle because you were trying to save people, to make up for the way they couldn’t save your sister.’
‘I guess that’s part of it,’ he said. ‘Though I always wanted to be a doctor, even when Sally was still alive.’ After Sally’s death, he’d vowed to work abroad rather than stay in an English hospital, and it had caused a rift with his brothers; they couldn’t understand why he risked himself the way he did, and they’d told him they didn’t want to lose him the way they’d lost Sally. But, however much he’d tried to talk them round, he hadn’t been able to make them see that he wanted to save all the other potential Sallys, and to do that it meant working abroad. ‘And it’s not why I became an obstetrician, either. I always planned to work in emergency medicine, like Tom. But then I did a rotation on the maternity ward and I fell in love with it—that special moment where you witness the miracle of a brand new life.’
‘That’s why I became a midwife, too,’ she said softly. ‘It never, ever gets old.’
‘And it’s even better in a world where things are sticky and you really feel that you need a miracle to happen and make things better. That first little cry…’ Every time, it made him misty-eyed and glad to be alive, all at the same time.
‘You still have itchy feet, don’t you?’ she asked. ‘I know you’re going back to the medical aid charity in a couple of months.’
‘It’s been arranged for a really long time,’ Ellis said. And he did want to go back. The trouble was, he also wanted to stay in London. But he wasn’t sure if he could—not if Ruby started dating someone else and it got serious. He’d promised Tom that he’d be there for Ruby, and he’d keep his promise; but he wasn’t sure that his promise could stretch to watching her date another man and being happy about it. ‘Anyway, we weren’t talking about me,’ he said, trying very hard to wriggle out of the subject. ‘We were talking about your date.’
‘I guess it was a case of nice guy, wrong time,’ she said with a shrug.
‘Would he be the right guy at a different time?’ It was a bit like prodding a bruise, but Ellis wanted to know.
‘Probably not,’ she said. ‘There wasn’t that spark between us. Whereas the first time I saw Tom…’
‘Yeah. I know.’ He reached across and squeezed her hand briefly.
Mistake. Because every nerve-end in his own hand tingled at the contact.
He knew about sparks, all right. Ruby most definitely made him feel that spark. His feelings for anyone he’d dated before just paled by comparison—including his ex-wife. But Ruby was vulnerable, she was still missing Tom, and she was still probably not quite ready to move on. Adding his job to the mix…In his book, it all made her very firmly off limits.
‘Hey. If you’re not busy with a date at the weekend, maybe we could do something together,’ he said lightly. ‘There’s that new action film.’
‘You want me to go and see a guy-flick with you?’ She laughed. ‘Ellis, much as I love you…’
As a friend, he reminded himself sharply.
‘….action flicks really aren’t my favourites.’
‘Hey, this one has a plot,’ he protested.
‘As if,’ she scoffed, still laughing. ‘All right, if you’re so desperate to see it, I’ll go with you. But it’s on the understanding that I want ice cream and popcorn.’
‘Deal,’ he said. It wasn’t a date date. But it would be enough. Because he didn’t have the right to ask for more.
CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_13e8449f-c4c3-5a99-82cf-cca1f565b789)
IT WAS A busy week on the ward. Ruby’s favourite day of the week was spent delivering twins in a birthing pool; the water birth was calm and peaceful, and it was a good experience for Coral, as well as being exactly what the mum wanted.
Saturday afternoon turned out to be dull and rainy, so she went to the cinema with Ellis to see the action flick. As promised, he bought her popcorn and ice cream; although the film wasn’t really her cup of tea, she still enjoyed his company.
After going to a tiny bistro for pasta and a bottle of red wine, Ellis saw her home.
‘Want to come in for some coffee?’ she asked.
‘I’d love to. Thanks.’ He smiled at her.
When they were both sprawled comfortably on the sofa with a mug of coffee, Ruby said, ‘Tina says I shouldn’t give up on the dates just yet.’
‘She’s planning to set you up on a blind date with another of her colleagues?’ Ellis asked.
‘No. She suggested I try one of those online matchmaking sites.’ She looked at him and raised an eyebrow. ‘What, you don’t approve?’
‘It’s not like going on a blind date with someone who’s a friend of a friend, which means you sort of know them already, or at least know that they’re OK. With a dating site, you’re planning to meet a total stranger,’ Ellis said. ‘And people don’t always tell the truth on those things. They can put a photograph up that’s years out of date and claim to like a lot of interesting things, just to get someone to pick them for a date.’
‘Maybe the odd person would do that—odd in both senses of the word—but most people don’t do that sort of thing. Don’t be such a cynic. And think about it, Ellis. Once you’re our age, most of your friends are in a relationship and so are most of their friends, which means you know hardly anyone else who’s single. Apart from through friends or work, how else are you going to meet someone?’
‘I guess you have a point,’ he said.
She paused. ‘Actually, you know, you could try it.’
‘What?’
‘Putting your profile on a dating site.’
‘Why?’ He looked at her in bewilderment.
‘Because you haven’t dated at all in the last year or so.’
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Kate Hardy
Pretty, Petite Midwife Seeks Friendship and Romance!If they hadn’t written matching online dating profiles midwife Ruby Fisher would never have admitted her attraction to gorgeous Dr Ellis Webster! He promised her late husband he’d look after her – and he’s the last guy she should fall for…Ellis doesn’t do permanent – he’s due in Africa soon! He must shake off this uncomfortable desire for lovely Ruby. Except his plan to help her start dating again fails spectacularly… because she’s the only woman he just doesn’t want to let go…
Praise for Kate Hardy (#u141724cc-ce56-5674-ae3b-761c28dc33ae)
‘Bound by a Baby moved me to tears many times. It is a full-on emotional drama. Author Kate Hardy brought this tale shimmering with emotions. Highly recommended for all lovers of romance.’
—Contemporary Romance Reviews
Bound by a Babywon the 2014 RoNA(Romantic Novelists’ Association) award!
‘When you pick up a romance novel by Kate Hardy you know that you’re going to be reading a spellbinding novel which you will want to devour in a single sitting, and A Christmas Knight is certainly no exception.’
—CataRomance
‘TDH doctor, serious and deep—with principles—seeks bright, sparkly female to make his dimples come out. Looking for foodie film buff who enjoys seaside strolls for friendship leading to potential romance.’
He groaned again. ‘I hate that bit about the dimples. It sounds really pathetic.’
‘Tough. It’s staying. Your dimples are cute.’ She flicked back to her list. ‘You know, Ellis, this list could be describing you.’
His heart skipped a beat.
Was this the chance he’d been looking for? Was she telling him in her quiet, understated way that she’d consider dating him?
‘And my list,’ he said softly, ‘could be describing you.’
They looked at each other, and it felt as if the air was humming.
‘Maybe,’ he said, ‘neither of us needs to put an ad on the dating site.’
She didn’t pull away or look horrified at the idea.
So he leaned forward and gave in to what he’d wanted to do for a year or more. He touched his mouth very lightly to hers.
Dear Reader (#u141724cc-ce56-5674-ae3b-761c28dc33ae),
I’ve always liked friends-to-lovers stories, but this one has a slight twist in that the hero is also the best friend of the heroine’s late husband.
And when friendship turns to love when do you dare to take the risk of wrecking the friendship?
A Promise…to a Proposal? is about how Ruby and Ellis take that particular journey—from Ellis promising his best friend that he’ll look after his widow to both of them falling in love.
The story’s set partly in my bit of the world (or a fictionalised bit of the East Anglian coast), partly in London, and partly in a very beautiful city that I had the privilege to explore earlier this year—Prague. And I’m afraid I stole the posh dinner my family and I had—the best meal we’ve ever eaten!
I hope you enjoy Ellis and Ruby’s story.
I’m always delighted to hear from readers, so do come and visit me at katehardy.com
With love
Kate Hardy
KATE HARDY lives in Norwich, in the east of England, with her husband, two young children, one bouncy spaniel and too many books to count! When she’s not busy writing romance or researching local history she helps out at her children’s schools. She also loves cooking—spot the recipes sneaked into her books! (They’re also on her website, along with extracts and the stories behind her books.)
Writing for Mills & Boon
has been a dream come true for Kate—something she wanted to do ever since she was twelve. She’s been writing Medical Romance™ for over ten years now. She says it’s the best of both worlds, because she gets to learn lots of new things when she’s researching the background to a book: add a touch of passion, drama and danger, a new gorgeous hero every time, and it’s the perfect job!
Kate’s always delighted to hear from readers, so do drop in to her website at katehardy.com (http://www.katehardy.com)
A Promise…to a Proposal?
Kate Hardy
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
To Gerard, Chris and Chloe—
remembering the best meal we’ve ever eaten!
Table of Contents
Cover (#uf852c26a-f5e4-5e7c-908f-b143989b60d8)
Praise for Kate Hardy
Excerpt (#u47d1262f-8642-5e66-aafb-306f28e4ed54)
Dear Reader
About the Author (#u119aa1cb-9110-53ba-869e-5db27c9608a5)
Title Page (#u7d6738d9-9b53-5765-8119-f0c460c6ca0b)
Dedication (#ub69941f6-7cdd-55a0-a067-28c2dc29704f)
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
EPILOGUE
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#u141724cc-ce56-5674-ae3b-761c28dc33ae)
‘HERE?’ RUBY ASKED.
‘It’s a sandy beach, we’re below the high tide line, the tide’s coming in right now and the wind’s in the right direction—so I’d say it’s just about perfect,’ Ellis said.
Well, it would’ve been perfect if it hadn’t been drizzling with rain. But today was what it was, and the weather didn’t matter. Just as it hadn’t mattered a year ago. The day that had blown a hole in all their lives.
She smiled. ‘Tom always did say you were the practical one.’
And the one with itchy feet who could never stay in one place for long.
Except for the last eighteen months, which Ellis had spent in London solely because of Tom, his best friend since their first day at infant school. They’d gone to university together, and trained together in the same London hospital. When Tom had been diagnosed with leukaemia, that had been the one thing to bring Ellis back to England. He’d wanted to be there for his best friend and support him through to the end. Ellis had promised Tom in those last agonising months that he’d be there for Ruby, too, and support her through at least the first year after Tom’s death.
Including today.
Which was why he was walking on the beach on a drizzly September day with Tom’s parents and Ruby, on the first anniversary of Tom’s death, to help them scatter some of Tom’s ashes in his favourite place. A place that brought back so many happy childhood memories that it put a lump in Ellis’s throat.
‘Thanks for looking up all the information for us,’ Ruby said. ‘I wasn’t sure if we had to get permission from someone first or even how you go about scattering ashes.’
‘Hey, it’s the least I could do. I loved Tom, too,’ Ellis said. And when Ruby had first broached the subject about scattering Tom’s ashes, he’d known exactly where Tom would’ve wanted it to be.
He spread a couple of waterproof blankets on the beach for the four of them to kneel on, and took four brightly coloured spades and buckets from a plastic bag.
It might be a dark day, the final goodbye, but Ellis wanted to remember the brightness. To remember Tom as he was before he was ill and to celebrate the close friendship they’d shared over the years.
‘I remember you boys doing this when you were small,’ Brenda said with a wobble in her voice as she dug into the sand and filled her bucket. ‘You both loved the beach. It didn’t matter if it was summer or winter—if we asked you what you wanted to do, you’d both beg to come here and make sandcastles.’
The lump in Ellis’s throat meant he couldn’t speak. He remembered. Days when life was simple. Days when his parents had been as carefree as Tom’s. Though Tom’s parents, he knew, wouldn’t react in the same way as his parents had when it came to the death of their child. Brenda and Mike would talk about Tom with love and keep him alive in their hearts, rather than stonewalling everything.
Working in companionable silence, the four of them made a sandcastle. Just as they had when Tom and Ellis were small boys: only this time Tom’s widow was taking Tom’s place.
When they’d finished, Ellis produced a flag from his bag—one made from an ice-lolly stick and a photograph of Tom. It was one of his favourite memories: the day they’d opened their A level results together, whooped, and known they were both going to train as doctors in London. For Tom, it had been the next step towards a dream. For Ellis, it had been the next step towards escape from a home that had come to feel like a mausoleum.
‘He was eighteen years old then,’ Mike said softly as Ellis handed him the flag. ‘With the whole world before him.’
How very little time Tom had actually had. Not even half a lifetime.
And how very much Ellis wished his best friend was still here. ‘He was special,’ Ellis said, his voice cracking.
‘Yes. He was,’ Mike said, and put the flag on the top turret.
Brenda and Ruby both gulped hard and squeezed each other’s hand.
Ellis finished digging the moat round the outside of the castle; and then the four of them took turns scattering Tom’s ashes in the moat and covering them over with sand. Ruby sprinkled rose petals on the top.
Then Ellis moved the blankets back a little way, set up the two huge umbrellas he’d packed in the car when he’d seen the weather report, and uncorked a bottle of champagne.
‘To Tom,’ he said when he’d filled their glasses. ‘And may our memories of him make the smiles outnumber the tears.’ Even though right now it felt as if the tears were more than outweighing the smiles, Ellis was determined to celebrate his friend rather than be selfish about his loss.
Mike, Brenda and Ruby echoed the toast, even though their smiles were wobbly and Ellis could see their eyes were shiny with tears they tried to blink away.
Then the four of them sat and watched as the tide came in, slowly sweeping the sandcastle away with the ashes, and tumbling the rose petals and Tom’s photograph in the waves.
Afterwards, Ellis drove Tom’s parents home.
‘Will you come in for something to eat?’ Brenda asked on the doorstep.
‘Thanks, but…’ Ellis tailed off. Even being in this town made him feel stifled. He hated it here. What he really wanted to do was drive as fast as he could back to London. Away from the dark memories.
‘Of course. You’ll want to drop in to see your own mum while you’re here,’ Brenda said.
Ellis didn’t have the heart to disillusion her, so he just smiled. Today of all days, he really couldn’t face his parents. They’d be aware of what he’d just been doing, and they’d be thinking of Sally. And, as always, they’d retreat into coolness rather than talk to him or even give him a sympathetic hug. Even though Ellis understood why—when you’d lost someone you loved so very much, sometimes withdrawing from everyone seemed like the only way to keep your heart safe from further hurt—he still found it hard to deal with. He always felt as if he’d lost more than his beloved only sister, twenty years ago; he’d lost his parents, too. And although he’d remained reasonably close to his older brothers, his choice of career had put a distinct rift between them. Tom’s parents had been Ellis’s greatest support through his teen years, and he’d always be grateful to them for it. And for Tom’s sake he’d look out for them now, the way they’d looked out for him.
Brenda hugged him. ‘Thank you for being there for us.’
‘Any time.’ And he meant it. ‘Just because Tom’s…’ He couldn’t say the word. He just couldn’t. ‘Not here,’ he said croakily, ‘it doesn’t mean you’re not still part of my life, because you are. You know I think of you as my second set of parents. I always will.’
Tears glittered in Brenda’s eyes. She patted his shoulder, clearly too moved to talk, and then hugged Ruby.
‘I’ll text you when we get back to London,’ Ruby promised.
But she looked quizzically at Ellis when he drove straight out of the town and back towards London. ‘I thought you were going to see your parents?’
‘Not today.’
‘Look, don’t feel you have to get me back to London if you want to see them. I can always go back to Brenda and Mike’s and wait until you’re ready, or get the train back.’
That was the point. He didn’t actually want to see his parents. Especially not today. Part of him lambasted himself for being selfish, but the realistic part of him knew it was necessary self-preservation. ‘Another time,’ he said.
‘If you’re sure.’
‘Oh, I’m sure,’ he said softly. ‘My parents are…complicated.’
She reached over and squeezed his hand briefly. ‘I know,’ she said, equally softly.
In the months since Tom’s death, Ellis had opened up a little to Ruby and told her about the tragedy that had taken the sunshine out of his world. How his older sister had taken a gap year before university, teaching in a remote school. Sally had fallen pregnant by accident and hadn’t realised it at first; when she’d been so sick, everyone had assumed it was a virus. But by the time they’d realised she was suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum, a severe form of morning sickness, it was too late. She’d grown too weak, developed complications, gone into organ failure and never regained consciousness.
And Ellis’s parents had never recovered from losing their only daughter. Their remaining three sons simply hadn’t been enough to bring them back from the cold, emotionless life they’d led from that moment on.
Ellis and Ruby drove back in companionable silence, listening to Nick Drake. The kind of mellow, faintly melancholy stuff Ellis had enjoyed listening to with Tom. It went well with the rain and his mood.
Back in London, he parked in the street outside Ruby’s house and saw her to the door.
‘Thank you, for today, Ellis. I don’t know what I would have done this last year without you,’ she said.
‘Hey, no problem—and you’ve helped me, too.’ He hugged her. Bad move. Now he could smell her perfume, the sweet scent of violets. And she fitted perfectly in his arms.
She’s your best friend’s widow, he reminded himself silently. No, no and absolutely no. Don’t even think about it. You do not make a move on this woman. Ever. Hands off.
‘I’ll see you at work tomorrow,’ he said. ‘Call me if you need me.’
‘Thanks, Ellis.’ She reached up and kissed his cheek.
For a moment, Ellis desperately wanted to twist his face to the side so the kiss landed on his mouth. For months now he’d wanted to kiss Ruby. But he held himself back. The feelings he’d developed towards her over the last year were completely inappropriate; plus he risked losing one of his closest friendships if he asked her out. He was pretty sure that Ruby saw him only as a friend, so wanting more was just stupid. Especially as he knew he wasn’t a good bet when it came to relationships.
His normal job, working for a medical aid charity, meant that relationships were tricky. Either he had long-distance affairs where he hardly ever saw his girlfriend and the relationship ended by mutual agreement because his girlfriend just got fed up waiting for him; or they were short, sweet flings that ended when he moved on to another assignment. Except for his marriage to Natalia—he’d thought that would be the exception to the rule, that maybe he could have the best of both worlds after all. How wrong he’d been there. So nowadays he didn’t do more than short, fun flings—where everyone knew the score before they started and nobody ended up disappointed.
When Ruby was finally ready to move on, Ellis knew she’d want more than just a fling or a long-distance relationship. More than he could offer her. Asking for more than friendship would just ruin a relationship that had become really important to him over the last eighteen months. And to have her solely as his friend was way better than not having her in his life at all, wasn’t it? So he’d just have to keep himself in check.
‘I’d better go,’ he mumbled, and left before he did something really reckless and stupid. Like kissing her.
And he brooded all the way home. His current job as an obstetrician at the London Victoria was only temporary, covering another registrar’s maternity leave, and his contract was due to end in a couple of months’ time when Billie was due to return. He’d already agreed to do a month’s assignment for the medical aid charity, helping to set up a new medical centre in Zimbabwe, when his temporary contract at the London Victoria ended. Going to work abroad again would mean he’d be out of temptation’s way and he wouldn’t hurt Ruby.
Then again, Ellis had promised Tom that he’d look after Ruby. Until he knew that she was ready to move on and had found someone else to share her life—someone who was good enough for her and would treat her as she deserved—how could he desert her?
It was a tricky line to walk.
So he’d just have to bury his feelings, the way he normally did, and everything would be just fine.
Ruby watched Ellis drive away, feeling guilty. For a moment she’d been tempted to kiss him on the lips instead of on the cheek.
How could she possibly want to kiss another man? And especially how could she have thoughts like that on the first anniversary of her husband’s death? How mean-spirited and selfish and plain wrong was that?
She closed the door with a grimace of self-disgust.
Plus she knew that Tom had asked Ellis to look out for her. Letting Ellis know that she was starting to see him as more than a friend might make everything go wrong between them. He’d always been such a perfect gentleman towards her. Trying to push their friendship in another direction might mean that she lost him—and she didn’t want that to happen. She liked having Ellis in her life. Liked it a lot.
Though she had a nasty feeling that she was going to lose him anyway. Ellis had always had itchy feet, according to Tom, and she knew that Ellis wanted to go back to the medical aid charity. The place where he’d always felt he’d belonged.
Losing Tom had ripped Ruby’s heart to shreds. Over the last year, she’d gradually put the pieces back together, and it would be very stupid to let herself fall for someone who’d made it very clear that he didn’t do permanent. Someone who didn’t want the same things she wanted. Someone she knew she’d lose to his job. Yes, he would come back to England from time to time to see her—but she’d be lonely in London, waiting for him. Yet, if she went with him, she’d end up feeling horribly homesick and missing her family. Neither option was right for her. Which meant that Ellis really wasn’t the right man for her, much as she was attracted to him, and she needed to think with her head rather than her heart.
Now they’d scattered Tom’s ashes and she was back in London again, Ruby didn’t quite know what to do with herself. She wished she’d asked Ellis to go somewhere for dinner with her or something; right now, she felt so lonely.
She mooched around for the best part of an hour, not able to settle to reading or doing crosswords. Even cleaning the bathroom until it sparkled didn’t make her feel as if she’d achieved anything; she was in limbo.
Then the doorbell rang.
Her heart leapt. Had Ellis come back?
No, of course not. How stupid of her to think it.
She opened the door to see her best friend, Tina, bearing what looked suspiciously like a box of homemade cake.
‘With today being what it is, I thought you could do with some company tonight,’ Tina said, ‘and this.’ She lifted the box. ‘Lemon cake.’
Ruby’s favourite. And Ruby knew without a doubt Tina had made it especially for her. It was probably still warm.
‘There isn’t anyone in the world I’d rather see right now,’ Ruby said, meaning it. Not even Ellis. Because with her best friend Ruby knew she wouldn’t have that edge of guilt and faint shame that she seemed to feel around Ellis nowadays, outside work. ‘Thank you. Thank you so much.’ She hugged her best friend, hard.
Tina hung her coat in the hallway and made herself at home in the kitchen, putting the kettle on and getting the teapot out of the cupboard, the way she and Ruby had done hundreds of times over the years in each other’s kitchens. ‘So how did it go this afternoon?’
‘Really well. It didn’t matter that it was raining. Ellis had brought a couple of huge umbrellas and waterproof blankets for us to sit on.’ Ruby smiled. ‘We made a sandcastle and put the ashes in the moat, covered it with rose petals, toasted Tom with champagne and let the sea wash the sandcastle and the ashes away together.’
‘It sounds perfect—well, as perfect as something like that could be.’ Tina finished making the tea, put the lemon cake on the plate and cut them both a slice, then handed Ruby a steaming mug. ‘To Tom,’ she said, lifting her mug and clinking it against Ruby’s. ‘I’ll miss him horribly. But I’ll always be glad I knew him, because he was just the nicest guy in the world.’
‘Yeah.’ Ruby took a sip of her tea to take the lump out of her throat.
‘Hey. It’s OK to cry,’ Tina said softly.
‘No. I want to remember him with smiles, not tears,’ Ruby insisted. ‘He wouldn’t have wanted anyone to be miserable.’
‘But?’
Ruby and Tina had clicked immediately when they’d met on the first day of their nursing training at the age of eighteen, and they’d been friends for long enough to have a pretty good idea what each other wasn’t saying.
‘I feel a bit guilty, that’s all.’ Ruby wasn’t quite ready to admit her feelings for Ellis, but she also knew that Tina was the best person she could float ideas past. Someone who’d be honest with her.
‘Why on earth do you feel guilty?’ Tina looked puzzled.
‘Because tomorrow it’ll be a year and a day—the last traditional day of mourning—and over those last months Tom said to me quite a few times that he didn’t want me to be alone and grieving for him. He said he wanted me to live a happy life with someone who loves me as much as he did.’
‘Now you’re putting a lump in my throat.’ Tina hugged her. ‘Though he’s right—you’re still young. In fact, at twenty-nine you’re practically a baby.’
Ruby laughed. There were all of six months between them, with Ruby being one of the youngest in their academic year and Tina one of the oldest. ‘Thirty’s not exactly old, Tina.’
‘No.’ Tina looked at her. ‘Rubes, are you saying you want to date again?’
‘I love Tom—I always will—but I think I’m ready to move on. Scattering his ashes today felt a lot like closure,’ Ruby said. ‘But is everyone going to think I’m heartless and I should wait a lot longer before even thinking about moving on?’
‘No. Some people will probably mutter about it being too soon,’ Tina said, ‘but remember that you can’t please all of the people all of the time, so don’t let that get to you. It’s none of their business. You’re the only one who can really say when you’re ready.’
‘I guess.’ Ruby bit her lip. ‘I just…’ She shook her head and sighed. ‘Sorry.’
‘As you said, Tom wanted you to be happy and he wanted you to find someone else. You have his blessing, and you don’t need anyone else’s.’
Even if I fell for his best friend?
But Ruby couldn’t quite bring herself to ask that. She’d barely admitted it to herself and she still needed time to get used to the idea.
‘You know, we’ve got a new registrar in Neurology. He’s a nice guy. Single. New to London. Maybe…’ Tina let the suggestion hang in the air.
‘Maybe,’ Ruby said.
‘Don’t make a decision now. Just think about it,’ Tina said gently. ‘In the meantime, I think we need a feel-good film and more cake.’
‘Brilliant idea. Let’s do it,’ Ruby said, and ushered her best friend into the living room.
But she found it hard to concentrate on the film, because she couldn’t stop thinking about Ellis. Ellis, with his haunted grey eyes. Ellis, who had itchy feet but had stayed in one place for the longest time since his training, specifically to be there for her.
Her husband’s best friend.
What if…?
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_a7983429-0225-5e62-b703-40b0151b95f1)
RUBY EXAMINED MRS HARRIS GENTLY.
‘So is everything OK?’ Mrs Harris asked anxiously.
‘I’m happy with how you’re doing,’ Ruby said, ‘but we do have a tiny complication, in that your little one is quite happy being bottom-down rather than top-down. So I just want a quick chat with the doctor to talk through your options for the birth.’
Mrs Harris bit her lip. ‘So the baby’s in the wrong position?’
‘Bottom-first rather than head-first—it’s called being a breech baby,’ Ruby explained. ‘It’s a really common position in early pregnancy, but the baby usually turns by itself into the head-first position before birth. Your baby hasn’t turned yet, that’s all.’
‘Does it mean there’s something wrong with the baby?’ Mrs Harris asked.
‘No. It happens with about three in a hundred babies, and there are all kinds of reasons for it, some of them being plain baby awkwardness because they want to do things their way rather than follow their mum’s birth plan,’ Ruby reassured her. ‘I’ll just go and get Dr Webster, and then we can talk it through with him.’ She squeezed Mrs Harris’s hand. ‘Try not to worry. There are a few things we can do to persuade the baby to turn.’ She smiled, and went to find Ellis in his office.
Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him. Ellis was wearing a charcoal grey suit, a white shirt and an understated tie rather than green Theatre scrubs, and he looked utterly gorgeous. He wouldn’t have looked out of place on the pages of a glossy magazine as a model for an upmarket perfume house.
And she needed to stop herself thinking like this. Ellis was her friend and her colleague. Asking for more was just greedy.
She tapped on the open door and leaned against the jamb. ‘Hey, Ellis. Can I borrow you for a second?’
He looked up and smiled at her, and her heart skipped another beat.
‘Sure. Problem?’ he asked.
‘Complication,’ she said. ‘I have a first-time mum who’s thirty-seven weeks. Her baby’s quite happily settled in the breech position. I know her birth plan is firmly centred round a natural birth with no intervention.’ And she also knew that a lot of doctors would take one look at Mrs Harris’s situation and immediately insist on a caesarean section. Given Ellis’s experience outside the hospital, Ruby really hoped that he’d take a different tack and give Mrs Harris a chance to have the birth she really wanted. ‘So I wondered if you’d mind coming and chatting through her options for the birth,’ she finished.
‘Of course I will. You did warn her that babies never respect their mum’s birth plans, didn’t you?’
She smiled back. ‘I always do.’
‘So what are you thinking?’
‘We’ll start with an ECV to see if we can get the baby to turn,’ Ruby said. ‘But, if it doesn’t work, I’m hoping that I can talk one of the obstetricians—’ she gave him a pointed look so he’d know she meant him ‘—into agreeing to a trial of labour for a vaginal breech delivery.’
‘I think we’ve only had a couple on the ward since I’ve been here, and I wasn’t on duty at the time,’ Ellis said. ‘Are the doctors here not supportive of vaginal breech births?’
‘Theo’s wonderful,’ Ruby said. Theo Petrakis, the director of the maternity ward at the London Victoria, believed in supporting his midwives and keeping intervention to a minimum. ‘But, as you say, it’s not that common—and I need someone who’s had a reasonable amount of experience in delivering breech babies.’
‘Which is why you’re talking to me?’
She gave him her sweetest smile. ‘Got it in one.’
‘She’s a first-time mum, so we have no guarantee that her pelvis is big enough to cope.’ Ellis looked thoughtful. ‘OK. If ECV doesn’t work then—on condition the baby’s not too big or small, the baby’s head isn’t tilted back and I’m happy that the mum’s pelvis is going to cope—I’ll support you and you can call me in, even if I’m not on duty when she goes into labour. But in return I need a favour from you.’
Ruby’s heart skipped yet another beat. What was he going to ask for?
A kiss?
She shook herself mentally. How ridiculous. She really had to stop fantasising about Ellis. This was totally inappropriate. They were at work, and she needed to keep her professionalism to the forefront. ‘Sure. What do you want?’
‘I’d like you to talk your mum into letting a couple of the junior staff observe their first ever breech birth. One midwife, one doctor.’
‘Great minds think alike. I was going to ask you if there was anyone you wanted to come and observe.’ And she really liked the fact that he’d thought of the midwifery team, too, not just the obstetricians. She smiled. ‘I want to reassure Mrs Harris that we’ll try our best to help give her the birth experience she really wants, but I’ll make it clear that if the baby’s in distress at any point then we might need to give her a section, so she needs to be prepared for that to happen.’
‘Which is again where I’d come in,’ Ellis said.
‘Just flutter those disgustingly long eyelashes at her. Actually, on second thoughts, perhaps you’d better not,’ she said. ‘You already look more like a movie star than a doctor.’
‘Very funny, Rubes,’ Ellis said, but he didn’t look the slightest bit offended.
Which was another reason why she should put this whole thing out of her head. If she made an approach to Ellis and he turned her down…Even though she knew he’d be kind about it, it would still put a strain on their friendship. On their working relationship. And Ruby didn’t want to take the risk of wrecking either of them.
Maybe it was just loneliness making her feel this way, and she should take Tina up on her offer of setting her up with the new registrar on the Neurology ward.
‘Penny for them?’ Ellis asked.
No way was she going to tell Ellis what she was thinking about. ‘Just my first-time mum,’ she said with a smile. It was true; it just wasn’t the whole truth.
Back in the examination room, she introduced Ellis. ‘Mrs Harris, this is Dr Ellis Webster, one of our registrars. Ellis, this is Mrs Harris. She’s a first-time mum, the baby’s thirty-seven weeks, and the baby’s quite happy in the breech position.’
‘Nice to meet you, Mrs Harris.’ Ellis shook her hand and smiled at her. ‘Ruby tells me that you’d like as natural a birth as possible.’
‘I definitely don’t want an epidural. I want to manage with gas and air,’ Mrs Harris said. ‘And I really didn’t want to have a section.’ She bit her lip. ‘But, because the baby’s lying the wrong way, does that mean I have to have a section?’
‘It’s a possibility,’ Ellis said, ‘but it might be possible for you to have a vaginal delivery. With the baby being breech, it means that the head—which is the biggest part of the baby—is the last bit to be delivered, so it’s a little bit more complicated. May I examine you?’
At her nod, he examined her gently.
‘As Ruby said, your baby’s definitely bottom-down. But we can try to persuade the baby to move. There’s a procedure called an ECV, which stands for external cephalic version. Ruby here’s very experienced.’
‘What happens is that I’ll press down on your abdomen and encourage the baby to turn a somersault—a bit like him doing a forward roll inside your stomach,’ Ruby explained.
‘And it always works?’ Mrs Harris asked.
‘It works about for about fifty per cent of babies,’ Ellis said. ‘And if it doesn’t work today, then we can always try again tomorrow. Though I should warn you that even if the baby does turn, sometimes the baby then decides to roll back again.’
‘So if you do this ECV thing, what about the baby?’ Mrs Harris asked. ‘Will he be OK? It’s not going to hurt him?’
‘He’ll be fine,’ Ruby reassured her. ‘Plus we’ll monitor him before, during and after the ECV to keep an eye on him. There is a tiny risk that you might start having contractions, and also the baby’s heart rate might go up a bit—usually it settles again pretty quickly, but I do want you to be aware that sometimes the baby’s heart rate doesn’t settle again, and in that case you’ll need to have a section.’
‘But it’s a tiny risk?’ Mrs Harris checked.
‘Tiny,’ Ruby confirmed.
‘All right, then.’ Mrs Harris paused. ‘Will it hurt me?’
‘It can be a bit uncomfortable, yes,’ Ruby said. ‘But, if it hurts, all you have to do is tell us and we’ll stop immediately.’
Mrs Harris looked worried. ‘But if it doesn’t work, does that mean I’ll have to have a section?’
‘The baby’s a good weight. He’s not too big or too small,’ Ellis said. ‘Though I would want to check that his neck isn’t tilted back before I agree to try a vaginal delivery. If the baby’s head is tilted back, then I’m afraid you will need a caesarean section, because that’ll be the safest thing for the baby.’
‘Is there anything else I can do to help the baby turn, or make sure he stays the right way round if you do the ECV? Can I sit or lie in a certain way?’ Mrs Harris asked.
Ruby shook her head. ‘I’m afraid it won’t make any difference.’
‘So why hasn’t he turned round the right way? Why is he bottom-down instead of head-down?’
‘There are lots of reasons,’ Ellis said. ‘Sometimes it’s down to the position of your placenta. As I said earlier, the biggest part of the baby is the head, so the baby tends to fidget round and make sure he’s in the most comfortable position, which means his head will be in the biggest space—in your lower uterus, so he’ll be head-down. But if you have a low-lying placenta, then the biggest space is in your upper uterus, so the baby will be bottom-down.’ He smiled. ‘Sometimes it’s just plain old chance. Babies have a habit of doing things their way, and I know a lot of mums who haven’t ended up having the birth they’d set their heart on. So all I’d say is please try not to be disappointed if we can’t follow your birth plan to the letter.’
‘We’ll do our best to make it work for you,’ Ruby said, ‘but Dr Webster’s right—at the end of the day, babies can be very stubborn and they’ll do things their way.’
‘I think this one’s going to be like his dad,’ Mrs Harris said ruefully. ‘Can Ian be here when you try and make the baby turn round?’
‘Of course,’ Ruby reassured her. ‘We can try this afternoon, just after lunch. Will that give him enough time to get here?’
Mrs Harris nodded. ‘I’ll call him. Thank you. Both of you.’
‘I’ll see you later this afternoon, Mrs Harris,’ Ellis said with a smile.
The rest of Ruby’s clinic ran on time. Just as she broke for lunch, she saw Ellis coming out of the staff kitchen. ‘Got time for lunch?’ he asked.
‘That would be nice,’ she said.
They headed down to the canteen, chatting companionably. At the counter, Ellis as usual chose the vegetarian option.
‘Any excuse to stuff your face with pasta and garlic bread. You’re such a carb junkie,’ Ruby teased.
‘Protein’s important, but I’ve worked in areas where people are so poor and the cost of raising—’ He broke off. ‘You’re teasing me, aren’t you?’
‘It’s very easy to tease you, Ellis—you’re so serious,’ she said with a smile. ‘Look, I know why you’re vegetarian and I admire your principles.’
‘But you don’t share them,’ he finished.
She shook her head. ‘I’m sorry, but vegetarian bacon is never going to be as good as the real thing for me.’
He laughed. ‘You’re such a hedonist. Anyway, Rubes, you can talk about being a carb junkie. I’ve seen you and Tina with cake. It lasts for about three seconds when you two are around.’
‘Busted,’ Ruby said with a grin.
‘Are you OK about doing the ECV this afternoon?’ he asked.
‘It’s fine,’ Ruby said. ‘I’d really like to bring Coral, our new trainee midwife, in to observe, if Mrs Harris doesn’t mind—and if you don’t mind.’
‘Of course not. You know I agree with you; it’s always a good idea to give students as broad an experience as possible.’
‘That’s one of the things I like about you—you’re so practical and sensible. Thanks,’ she said.
Practical and sensible. Not how he’d been when he’d married Natalia, Ellis thought wryly. He’d lost his head and they’d both paid the price.
Though Ruby had said that was one of the things she liked about him. He couldn’t help wondering: what else did she like about him?
He shook himself. This really wasn’t appropriate. Ruby Fisher was his friend. His best friend’s girl—well, widow, but that was a technicality. Time to back off. ‘I try to be practical,’ he said lightly.
‘Ellis, I, um, wanted to run something by you,’ she said.
She looked worried, and Ellis frowned. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Not wrong, exactly…but today’s a year and a day since Tom died.’
Yeah. He knew. He’d spent the anniversary with her on a Suffolk beach yesterday.
‘And a year and a day is supposed to be the traditional length of time for mourning.’
He went cold. Where was she going with this?
‘I’m never going to forget Tom,’ Ruby said, ‘but he always told me that he didn’t want me to spend the rest of my life mourning for him, and he wanted me to move on.’
Wait—what?
Was she saying that she wanted to date again? That she’d met someone? Who? Where? How? Ellis couldn’t quite process this.
‘And Tina’s going to set me up on a blind date with her new colleague in Neurology,’ she finished.
Ruby was really going on a date? With someone else? But—but…
‘Ellis? You haven’t said anything.’ She looked even more worried. ‘Do you think it’s too soon?’
‘I…’ He blew out a breath. This was a minefield. If he said the wrong thing now, he’d hurt her—and that was the last thing he wanted to do. ‘I think,’ he said slowly, ‘that you’re the best one to judge that. Only you know when you’re ready.’
But the idea of seeing her with another man made him feel sick.
It was different when she’d been married to Tom. Ellis would never, ever have done anything to destroy his best friend’s marriage. But now Ruby was widowed. And Ellis hated the idea of her going out with someone else.
If she really was ready to date again, maybe he could ask her out himself.
But, if she said no, then how could they go back to their old easy friendship, once they knew they didn’t feel the same about each other?
He didn’t want to risk losing her.
So he was just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. Even if it felt as if someone had just filleted him.
Typical Ellis. Sensible and measured. I think you’re the best one to judge that.
Which told Ruby without a doubt that he wasn’t interested in her. Otherwise that would’ve been his cue to suggest that she dated him, wouldn’t it?
So it was just as well she hadn’t suggested anything to him. It would’ve put an irreparable strain on their friendship, and she valued him too much to risk losing him.
‘I guess you’re right,’ she said. ‘I just didn’t want people to think that I was the Merry Widow, not caring about Tom. And I feel guilty about wanting to date again.’ She felt even more guilty about the fact that she was attracted to Ellis, particularly as he’d just made it clear it wasn’t reciprocated.
‘You’re always going to love him,’ Ellis said. ‘But at the end of the day life still goes on. And Tom didn’t want you to be lonely. He wanted you to be happy. What anyone else thinks is simply their opinion. They have the right to think whatever they like, but they don’t have the right to shove it down your throat. You do what makes you happy, Rubes.’
Yeah.
Though sometimes she wondered if she’d ever find that kind of happiness again. If she was being greedy and expecting too much. Some people didn’t even have that kind of happiness once in their lives, so what right did she have to expect to find it twice?
Ellis reached over to squeeze her hand, and her skin tingled all the way up her arm.
‘Be happy, Ruby. You’ve got my full support. And if anyone says otherwise, send them to see me and I’ll put them straight.’
He sounded as if he were her big brother.
And she’d just have to learn to see him as a kind of sibling instead of the man she wanted to start dating.
After lunch, Ruby called the Harrises in from the waiting area.
‘I was wondering—would you mind if Coral, my trainee midwife, came in and observed the procedure?’ she asked.
‘No, that’s fine, love,’ Mrs Harris said. ‘I’ll do whatever you want if you can get this baby to do that forward roll.’
‘I’ll do my best. Thank you.’ She smiled at Mrs Harris. ‘I’m going to check how the baby’s doing, first, on the ultrasound. If I’m happy with that, I’ll give you some drugs to relax your womb—it won’t hurt you or the baby, but it’ll mean your baby has a bit more room to do that forward roll.’
‘All right. Is that nice doctor going to be here?’
‘Dr Webster? Yes. He’s just making a quick phone call, and then he’ll be right here. And I’ll go and collect Coral so I can introduce her to you.’ Ruby smiled at her. ‘Lie back and bare your tummy for me. Though I’m afraid my gel’s a little bit colder than it is in the ultrasound suite.’
‘I don’t mind,’ Mrs Harris said, smiling back.
Once Ruby had established that everything was fine, she moved the screen so that the Harrises could see the baby. ‘There he is—looking very comfy right now.’
‘Hopefully he won’t be stubborn and he’ll move,’ Mrs Harris said wryly.
‘I’ll give you those drugs now.’ Ruby administered them swiftly. ‘Make yourself comfortable, and I’ll be right back,’ she said.
When she returned, Ellis was already there. Ruby introduced the Harrises to Coral.
‘So what we’re going to do today is an external cephalic version—ECV, for short. The idea is to move the baby’s bottom away from his mum’s pelvis,’ Ruby explained. ‘I’ve already given Mrs Harris some drugs to help relax her womb, and we’ve seen the baby on the ultrasound. What I’m going to do now, Mrs Harris, is to push firmly on your abdomen to encourage the baby to do a kind of forward roll. It’ll take maybe a minute to a minute and a half. As I said earlier, it might be a little bit uncomfortable but it shouldn’t hurt. If it does hurt, I need you to tell me straight away and I’ll stop.’
‘All right.’ Mrs Harris looked nervous, and Ruby noticed that she was holding her husband’s hand really tightly.
‘You might even see him do a forward roll in your tummy, so keep an eye on my hands,’ she said with a smile.
Coral came quietly to the side so she could see and, gently but firmly, Ruby performed the manoeuvre, trying to ease the baby into a transverse position before he moved into the head-down position.
But the baby stubbornly refused to move.
After two minutes, Ruby stopped.
‘Is something wrong?’ Mr Harris asked anxiously.
‘No—just that this baby really doesn’t want to move today,’ Ruby said.
‘The longer the procedure takes, the less likely it is to work,’ Ellis explained. ‘But try not to worry. We can always try again tomorrow.’
They checked the baby again with the ultrasound. ‘He’s doing just fine,’ Ellis reassured the Harrises. He glanced at the notes. ‘Actually, his heart rate is pretty much as it was before Ruby started the ECV, so I’m happy for you to go home now, or you can stay in the waiting room until you’re ready.’
‘If we try again tomorrow and it still doesn’t work, that means I’m going to have to have a section, doesn’t it?’ Mrs Harris asked.
‘Not necessarily,’ Ruby reassured her. ‘Remember what we said this morning. We can still try for a vaginal delivery if the ECV doesn’t work next time. We’ll just need a bit of patience.’
‘If it helps, I’ve delivered one or two breech babies in the middle of a field before now,’ Ellis added.
‘In the middle of a field?’ Mr Harris looked surprised.
‘I worked for a medical aid charity for a few years,’ Ellis said. ‘So I’ve delivered babies after natural disasters where there isn’t even any running water in the area.’
Mrs Harris bit her lip. ‘And here I am, moaning about it all, when I know I’m going to have a comfortable bed and all the medical equipment anyone needs! That’s terrible. I feel…’ She grimaced. ‘Well, guilty, now.’
‘You really don’t need to. This is all new to you, and it’s perfectly natural that you’re concerned,’ Ellis said. ‘Actually, I’d be more concerned if you weren’t worried.’
‘I think she should have a section,’ Ian Harris said. ‘I looked up breech births on the Internet, and they said it’s likely that the baby’s head will get trapped or the baby will be brain-damaged.’
‘The Internet,’ Ellis said gently, ‘is full of scary stories. It’s the same with magazines—they’re going to tell you all about the unusual cases and the dramatic stuff, because it’s the drama that sells copies. They won’t tell you that most women have a perfectly safe, normal delivery. As Ruby says, you just need a bit of patience with a vaginal breech birth. I believe in being hands off and letting the mum set the pace, and I only intervene if there’s a problem.’
‘So I won’t have to have an episiotomy?’ Mrs Harris asked.
‘Hopefully not. We’ll see how it goes,’ Ellis said. ‘Though I will say that if your labour isn’t progressing after an hour, then I’ll recommend a section. In my experience, when labour doesn’t progress, it means there’s a complication and you need help.’
‘All right,’ Mrs Harris said.
Ruby could see that Mrs Harris was biting back the tears, and sat down on the bed beside her to hold her other hand. ‘We’ll do our best for you, I promise,’ she said softly. ‘We’re on your side. All we’re saying is that if it doesn’t work out quite the way you want it to, then please don’t blame yourself. You’ve given it your best shot and that’s more than good enough.’
‘OK.’ But Mrs Harris still looked close to tears.
Ruby hugged her. ‘Hang on in there,’ she said. ‘It’s going to be fine.’
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_e26d6841-8b3c-51af-8ed4-946ef79e6d76)
MRS HARRIS CAME in with her husband the next day for another attempt at the ECV. ‘I’ve been feeling a bit off, all day,’ she said. ‘I woke up in the middle of the night with a bit of a tummy-ache. Obviously I must’ve eaten something that didn’t agree with me last night.’
Or maybe, Ruby thought, it was something else causing that tummy-ache. She had a funny feeling about this—and her funny feelings were usually right.
‘Come and lie down, and I’ll examine you before we try the ECV again,’ she said.
Mrs Harris had just settled back against the bed when she grimaced. ‘Sorry. That was another twinge.’
Ruby examined her gently. ‘Has anyone mentioned Braxton-Hicks to you?’
‘The practice contractions, you mean?’
‘They’re the ones,’ Ruby said.
‘Yes—but I don’t think I’ve had any.’ Mrs Harris’s eyes widened. ‘Hang on—is that what the twinges mean? I’m having a practice contraction?’
‘Given that you’re three centimetres dilated,’ Ruby said, ‘then, actually, I think this is the real thing.’
‘But I’m only thirty-seven weeks! It’s too soon for the baby to be born.’ Mrs Harris bit her lip. ‘Do you think it was that ECV thing yesterday that’s caused this?’
‘Possibly. Or it could be that your baby’s just decided that his birthday’s going to be today,’ Ruby said with a smile. ‘Don’t worry about him being thirty-seven weeks. Not that many babies are born on their official due date—some are a couple of weeks before, and some are ten days or so late. By this stage your baby’s lungs are definitely mature enough to cope with being born.’
‘So will I have to have a section?’
‘Hopefully not,’ Ruby said cheerfully. ‘I’m just going to get someone to call Dr Webster for me. And I need to give you a scan to see exactly how the baby’s lying.’
‘Cold gel again?’ Mrs Harris asked ruefully.
‘I’m afraid so,’ Ruby said.
She came out of the cubicle and asked one of the auxiliary staff to find Ellis for her, then went back to see the Harrises and do the scan. She turned the screen so that the Harrises could see it. ‘And here we can see one baby getting ready to be born. His head’s tucked forward, just as I’d want it to be, and he’s in what we call the frank breech position—that’s the least complicated one, with his legs straight up in front of him.’
‘So I can try for a normal birth?’ Mrs Harris asked.
Ellis arrived in time to hear the question. ‘I examined you yesterday and I’m happy that your pelvis is big enough to cope with having the baby. He’s not too small, so there’s a lower risk of having problems with the cord; and he’s not too big, so he’s not going to get stuck. I’m happy with the position he’s in, with his head nicely tucked forward—so, yes, we can do this.’ He smiled. ‘As I said yesterday, I believe in keeping things natural as far as possible, so I’m not immediately going to say you’ll have to have an episiotomy and forceps to help you deliver. It might end up that way, but we’ll do our best to help you have the birth you want. Though I do want to remind you that if your labour doesn’t progress, any delays mean that the baby’s likely to be in distress and you’ll need to have a section. No heroics, OK?’
‘Agreed,’ Ian Harris said firmly.
‘Agreed,’ Mrs Harris said, though she didn’t sound quite so sure.
Ellis smiled at Ruby. ‘Dilation?’
‘Three centimetres.’
‘OK. It’s going to be a while yet before your baby arrives, so I’d suggest walking about a bit—the gravity will help him move down,’ Ellis said.
‘Would you mind very much if Coral—the trainee midwife you met yesterday—and one of the junior doctors came in to observe?’ Ruby asked.
‘No, that’s fine,’ Mrs Harris said. She squeezed her husband’s hand. ‘We’re going to have our baby today, Ian. I can’t believe it.’
It was a couple more hours before Mrs Harris was ready to start delivering the baby. Coral, the trainee midwife, and Lance, the new first-year doctor, came in to observe and Ruby introduced them both to the Harrises.
‘Being on your elbows and knees will be the most comfortable position for you, as well as being the most effective position for delivering the baby, because you can move about a bit,’ Ruby said. ‘And resting on your elbows rather than your hands will protect your wrists.’
‘Unless you really want an epidural, I’d recommend having either gas and air or pethidine as pain relief,’ Ellis added, ‘because an epidural will slow everything down.’
‘I don’t want a section,’ Mrs Harris said, ‘so I’ll manage with gas and air.’
‘Good on you,’ Ellis said.
‘The main thing to remember about a breech birth,’ Ruby explained to Coral and Lance, ‘is that you keep your hands off and be patient—you don’t want the mum clenching her muscles if you touch her.’
‘You intervene only if it’s clear that the baby needs help,’ Ellis said. ‘Which is why we’re using a foetal monitor to keep an eye on his heart rate.’
Ruby encouraged Mrs Harris to breathe through the contractions.
‘I can see the baby now,’ she said at last. ‘When you have the next contraction, I want you to give a nice big push for me.’
The baby’s buttocks arrived first, and then with the next contraction and the next push the back and shoulders were visible.
Ruby glanced at Ellis. As always when she delivered a baby with him, she noticed that he was almost misty-eyed. Ruby was, too; the moment a new life came into the world was so very special, and it was such a privilege to share it.
And Ellis was a particularly good doctor to work with; he was supportive, he listened to both the mum and the midwifery team, and he didn’t try to rush any of the mums straight to Theatre at the first sign of a complication.
At the next push, the baby’s legs came down.
‘Well done,’ Ruby said. ‘You’re doing just great. His legs are down, now. Keep breathing for me.’
The baby’s shoulders and arms came out next, and then Ruby glanced again at Ellis. At his nod, she moved into position, ready to catch the baby.
‘Almost here. Next contraction, give me the biggest push you can. Scream if you need to. Shout. Whatever you want to do, that’s fine. Just push,’ she said.
And finally, the baby’s head emerged.
‘The baby’s not crying,’ Mr Harris said, looking panicky.
And the baby was blue. At a first glance, Ruby would give him an Apgar score of four—very low.
‘It’s fine,’ Ellis reassured Mr Harris. ‘I know right now this looks very scary, but this is totally normal for a breech birth. Do you want to cut the umbilical cord, and then we can get this little one warmed up a bit and ready for a cuddle?’
Thankfully it was enough to distract Mr Harris; Ruby swiftly clamped the cord and Ellis gave the scissors to Mr Harris to cut the cord while Ruby wrapped the baby in a warm towel.
Ruby then took the baby over to the warming tray for warm air to be blown on him.
‘Do you want me to sort out the baby while you deliver the placenta?’ Ellis asked.
She smiled at him. ‘Yes, please.’
By the time she’d delivered the placenta, she was relieved to hear plenty of crying coming from Baby Harris, and she heard Ellis say, ‘I’m pleased to say your little boy’s pinked up very nicely indeed. He’s got an Apgar score of nine.’
Ruby knew that last bit was aimed for her, and she felt the strain between her shoulders disappear. Everything was fine. And, better still, Ellis also hadn’t mentioned anything about hip dysplasia, which could sometimes be a problem with breech babies.
Finally, Baby Harris was in his mum’s arms, skin to skin, and took all of three sucks for his first feed before falling asleep.
Ruby examined Mrs Harris. ‘I’m pleased to say that you don’t need any stitches,’ she said. ‘You did absolutely brilliantly. Congratulations to both of you.’
‘We could never have done it without you,’ Mrs Harris said. ‘I was so scared we’d have to just do what the doctor said.’
Ruby smiled. ‘They’re all pretty good here, actually.’ She lowered her voice to a stage whisper. ‘Though Ellis Webster is a bit special. But don’t tell him I said that, or his head will swell so much that he won’t be able to walk through the door for a week.’
Mrs Harris laughed.
‘Let’s get you settled down in the ward,’ Ruby said, ‘and you can get to know your baby.’ She stroked the baby’s cheek. ‘He’s beautiful.’
‘Do you have children?’ Mrs Harris asked.
‘No.’ She and Tom had thought very seriously about it, but then Tom had been diagnosed with leukaemia and it had never been the right time to discuss it again after that. ‘Maybe one day,’ she said wistfully.
And how odd that a picture flashed into her head. Of herself, tired yet glowing with happiness and holding a baby. And of Ellis sitting next to her, holding her hand and stroking the baby’s head.
Ridiculous. And totally inappropriate.
Ellis was her friend, and only her friend. And she had a date lined up on Saturday night with a completely different man, the new registrar on her best friend’s ward. She really shouldn’t be thinking about that kind of thing.
Ellis didn’t see Ruby over the weekend. He wanted to call her, but he knew she was going on a date with a colleague of Tina’s. So he needed to back off. To give her a chance to get to know the guy and enjoy dating again.
Even though what he really wanted to do was to scoop her over his shoulder and carry her off to his lair.
Ridiculous. He knew that Ruby saw him only as a friend. So he was going to have to ignore this stupid antsy feeling. She deserved to feel happy again. It was just a pity it meant she’d find that happiness with another man rather than with him.
So on Monday lunchtime, he summoned his brightest smile when he saw her. ‘Want to go grab a sandwich?’
‘That’d be nice.’
He waited until they’d sat down in the canteen before he asked, ‘So how was your date?’
‘Fine.’
Her smile was a little too bright. ‘But?’ he asked.
She wrinkled her nose. ‘He was a nice guy, but I don’t think he was ready to date again yet.’
Was that Ruby’s way of saying that she’d just discovered she wasn’t ready to date again yet, too?
He battened down the hopes as she continued, ‘I don’t think he’s quite over his divorce yet.’
‘Ah. Baggage.’
She gave him a rueful smile. ‘I guess we all have baggage when we get to this age.’
‘Mmm.’
‘Look at you,’ she said softly.
Oh, no. He really didn’t want to discuss that. He didn’t like talking about his feelings. And he definitely didn’t want to talk about his baggage. Ruby knew he was divorced, but he hadn’t told her the whole messy story.
‘Tom always said you’d never settle because you were trying to save people, to make up for the way they couldn’t save your sister.’
‘I guess that’s part of it,’ he said. ‘Though I always wanted to be a doctor, even when Sally was still alive.’ After Sally’s death, he’d vowed to work abroad rather than stay in an English hospital, and it had caused a rift with his brothers; they couldn’t understand why he risked himself the way he did, and they’d told him they didn’t want to lose him the way they’d lost Sally. But, however much he’d tried to talk them round, he hadn’t been able to make them see that he wanted to save all the other potential Sallys, and to do that it meant working abroad. ‘And it’s not why I became an obstetrician, either. I always planned to work in emergency medicine, like Tom. But then I did a rotation on the maternity ward and I fell in love with it—that special moment where you witness the miracle of a brand new life.’
‘That’s why I became a midwife, too,’ she said softly. ‘It never, ever gets old.’
‘And it’s even better in a world where things are sticky and you really feel that you need a miracle to happen and make things better. That first little cry…’ Every time, it made him misty-eyed and glad to be alive, all at the same time.
‘You still have itchy feet, don’t you?’ she asked. ‘I know you’re going back to the medical aid charity in a couple of months.’
‘It’s been arranged for a really long time,’ Ellis said. And he did want to go back. The trouble was, he also wanted to stay in London. But he wasn’t sure if he could—not if Ruby started dating someone else and it got serious. He’d promised Tom that he’d be there for Ruby, and he’d keep his promise; but he wasn’t sure that his promise could stretch to watching her date another man and being happy about it. ‘Anyway, we weren’t talking about me,’ he said, trying very hard to wriggle out of the subject. ‘We were talking about your date.’
‘I guess it was a case of nice guy, wrong time,’ she said with a shrug.
‘Would he be the right guy at a different time?’ It was a bit like prodding a bruise, but Ellis wanted to know.
‘Probably not,’ she said. ‘There wasn’t that spark between us. Whereas the first time I saw Tom…’
‘Yeah. I know.’ He reached across and squeezed her hand briefly.
Mistake. Because every nerve-end in his own hand tingled at the contact.
He knew about sparks, all right. Ruby most definitely made him feel that spark. His feelings for anyone he’d dated before just paled by comparison—including his ex-wife. But Ruby was vulnerable, she was still missing Tom, and she was still probably not quite ready to move on. Adding his job to the mix…In his book, it all made her very firmly off limits.
‘Hey. If you’re not busy with a date at the weekend, maybe we could do something together,’ he said lightly. ‘There’s that new action film.’
‘You want me to go and see a guy-flick with you?’ She laughed. ‘Ellis, much as I love you…’
As a friend, he reminded himself sharply.
‘….action flicks really aren’t my favourites.’
‘Hey, this one has a plot,’ he protested.
‘As if,’ she scoffed, still laughing. ‘All right, if you’re so desperate to see it, I’ll go with you. But it’s on the understanding that I want ice cream and popcorn.’
‘Deal,’ he said. It wasn’t a date date. But it would be enough. Because he didn’t have the right to ask for more.
CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_13e8449f-c4c3-5a99-82cf-cca1f565b789)
IT WAS A busy week on the ward. Ruby’s favourite day of the week was spent delivering twins in a birthing pool; the water birth was calm and peaceful, and it was a good experience for Coral, as well as being exactly what the mum wanted.
Saturday afternoon turned out to be dull and rainy, so she went to the cinema with Ellis to see the action flick. As promised, he bought her popcorn and ice cream; although the film wasn’t really her cup of tea, she still enjoyed his company.
After going to a tiny bistro for pasta and a bottle of red wine, Ellis saw her home.
‘Want to come in for some coffee?’ she asked.
‘I’d love to. Thanks.’ He smiled at her.
When they were both sprawled comfortably on the sofa with a mug of coffee, Ruby said, ‘Tina says I shouldn’t give up on the dates just yet.’
‘She’s planning to set you up on a blind date with another of her colleagues?’ Ellis asked.
‘No. She suggested I try one of those online matchmaking sites.’ She looked at him and raised an eyebrow. ‘What, you don’t approve?’
‘It’s not like going on a blind date with someone who’s a friend of a friend, which means you sort of know them already, or at least know that they’re OK. With a dating site, you’re planning to meet a total stranger,’ Ellis said. ‘And people don’t always tell the truth on those things. They can put a photograph up that’s years out of date and claim to like a lot of interesting things, just to get someone to pick them for a date.’
‘Maybe the odd person would do that—odd in both senses of the word—but most people don’t do that sort of thing. Don’t be such a cynic. And think about it, Ellis. Once you’re our age, most of your friends are in a relationship and so are most of their friends, which means you know hardly anyone else who’s single. Apart from through friends or work, how else are you going to meet someone?’
‘I guess you have a point,’ he said.
She paused. ‘Actually, you know, you could try it.’
‘What?’
‘Putting your profile on a dating site.’
‘Why?’ He looked at her in bewilderment.
‘Because you haven’t dated at all in the last year or so.’
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Kate Hardy
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
Отзывы: Пока нет Добавить отзыв
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