This Naked Mind
This Naked Mind
Annie Grace
Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life‘Brilliant’ – Stella DuffyMillions of people worry that drinking is affecting their health, yet are unwilling to seek change because of the misery and stigma associated with alcoholism and recovery. They fear drinking less will be boring, difficult and involve deprivation, and significant lifestyle changes.This Naked Mind offers a new solution. Packed with surprising insight into the reasons we drink, it will open your eyes to the startling role of alcohol in our culture. Annie Grace brilliantly weaves psychological, neurological, cultural, social and industry factors with her extraordinarily candid journey resulting in a must read for anyone who drinks.This book, without scare tactics, pain or rules, gives you freedom from alcohol. By addressing causes rather than symptoms it is a permanent solution rather than lifetime struggle. It removes the psychological dependence allowing you to easily drink less (or stop drinking). Annie’s clarity, humor and unique ability to blend original research with riveting storytelling ensures you will thoroughly enjoy the process.In a world defined by ‘never enough’ Annie takes us on an intellectual journey through the world of alcohol and specifically the connection between alcohol and pleasure. She dispels the cultural myth that alcohol is a vital part of life and demonstrates how regaining control over alcohol is not only essential to personal happiness and fulfilment but also to ending the heartache experienced by millions as a result of second-hand drinking.Finally, with perfect clarity, this book opens the door to the life you have been waiting for.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR (#ulink_2237024d-65e4-587c-b929-c69da89c8ed4)
Photo by Anthology Fine Art
ANNIE GRACE has had a unique life from the very beginning. She grew up in a one-room cabin without running water or electricity in the mountains of Colorado and then, at age twenty-six, became the youngest vice president in a multinational corporation. Success, however, led to excessive drinking and the possibility that she might lose everything. Annie recognized her problem but chose to approach it in an entirely new way. Annie’s program has been featured in Forbes, the New York Daily News, and the Chicago Tribune. Annie is successful, happy, and alcohol-free and lives with her husband and three children in the Colorado mountains.
COPYRIGHT (#ulink_9720c1b3-8861-5b93-a056-08f9104ca497)
An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2018
Copyright © Annie Grace 2018
Annie Grace asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Ebook Edition © December 2017 ISBN: 9780008293444
Version: 2018-04-18
To He Who Is:
Because you loved me before I knew your name and taught me there is always room at the bottom.
Husband:
Thank you for your incredible strength and amazing grace.
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What Readers Are Saying (#u48c6120b-6463-5e0b-8b88-bf1061b1ef00)
‘The most selfless and amazing book I have ever read. Thank you, Annie Grace, for your wisdom, intelligence, sense of humor, and love. I do believe you have saved my life. Today my youngest child got her final exam results and the next phase of her life begins. She will not be alone. Thank you, Annie Grace, for this gift.’
– Bernie M., Dublin, Ireland
‘Without sounding too extreme, this book has significantly – and I think permanently – changed me and my attitude toward drinking. I have used Annie’s wisdom and done some things alcohol-free that I would never have thought I could do. I can’t say enough good about it and advise those who are ambivalent about drinking and not drinking to read it. Thanks again, Annie Grace, you’ve given me my life back, seriously.’
– Katy F., Albuquerque, New Mexico
‘As a huge fan of Jason Vale, I was really interested to read This Naked Mind. It was so interesting to read more about the science behind addiction and the unconscious mind. It added a new level to my understanding of why I want to live a sober and happy life! I highly recommend this book to anyone, whether they are interested in cutting down or staying alcohol- free; there are so many practical tips and suggestions. I loved it!’
– Sarah L., London, United Kingdom
‘Genuinely hopeful and realistic philosophy and practice. Thanks, Annie Grace.’
– Louise P., Des Moines, Iowa
‘This Naked Mind has allowed me to view my drinking habits from a new perspective. Now I know the science behind my addictive tendencies, sobriety has become less of a struggle and more of a celebration because I am finally free to live life on my own terms rather than under the control of alcohol. The message in This Naked Mind is truly liberating.’
– Marcus J., London, United Kingdom
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Cover (#uedd64f52-ab0a-5063-9e5b-e0af9ea8becd)
About the Author (#ulink_525f1f89-8941-556b-ba45-a3237df318a8)
Title Page (#ufadcdb78-263d-59ef-bccf-cb8dec9e020f)
Copyright (#ulink_3d817f68-9337-5137-91b7-560e0bb9823c)
Dedication (#u2dfffc8a-b6d7-5291-82e6-765fc6b26ae0)
Praise (#u39e325c9-9b6f-5057-a370-efb66fd1b32b)
Preface (#ulink_48d086cd-174a-54d7-a337-35c02ef96b9f)
Introduction (#ulink_c4637a3d-4498-5a81-9023-fd4d6432c2d1)
1. This Naked Mind: How and Why It Works (#ulink_494012d8-e083-5944-b24b-c6e43552b1ea)
2. The Drinker or the Drink? Part 1: The Drinker (#ulink_13b93d10-ac3a-508f-a5f8-4939c45b6493)
3. The Drinker or the Drink? Part 2: The Drink
4. Liminal Point: Is Drinking a Habit?
5. You: Simply Naked
6. Liminal Point: Are We Really Drinking For The Taste
7. You: Polluted
8. Liminal Point: Is Alcohol Liquid Courage?
9. Oh S#*%! We’re Stuck
10. Liminal Point: Drinking Helps Me Loosen Up and Have Better Sex
11. A Quest for Sobriety
12. Liminal Point: I Drink to Relieve Stress and Anxiety
13. The Mystery of Spontaneous Sobriety
14. Liminal Point: I Enjoy Drinking; It Makes Me Happy
15. Defining Addiction: Part 1
16. Liminal Point: Is Alcohol Vital to Social Life?
17. Defining Addiction: Part 2
18. Liminal Point: It’s Cultural. I Need to Drink to Fit In
19. The Descent: Why Some Descend Faster Than Others
20. Living a Naked Life in Our Society
21. This Naked Mind
22. The Secret to Happily and Easily Drinking Less
23. The Journey: ‘Relapse’
24. Pay It Forward
Dear Reader
Endnotes
Acknowledgements
About the Publisher (#u6e7f9513-b72c-51dd-bc93-68315a2d8376)
PREFACE (#ulink_69abe996-9e70-59af-9afe-0d8af7487a83)
3:33 a.m. I wake up at the same time every night. I briefly wonder if that is supposed to mean something. Probably not, probably just a coincidence. I know what’s coming, and I brace myself. The usual thoughts begin to surface. I try to piece the previous evening together, attempting to count my drinks. I count five glasses of wine, and then the memories grow fuzzy. I know I had a few more, but I’ve now lost count. I wonder how anyone can drink so much. I know I can’t go on like this. I start to worry about my health, beginning the well-trodden road of fear and recrimination: What were you thinking? Don’t you care about anything? Anyone? How will it feel if you end up with cancer? It will serve you right. What about the kids? Can’t you stop for the kids? Or Brian? They love you. There’s no good reason why, but they do. Why are you so weak? So stupid? If I can just make myself see the horror of how far I’ve fallen, maybe I can regain control. Next come the vows, my promises to myself to do things differently tomorrow. To fix this. Promises I never keep.
I’m awake for about an hour. Sometimes I cry. Other times I’m so disgusted that all I feel is anger. Lately I’ve been sneaking into the kitchen and drinking more. Just enough to shut down my brain, fall back asleep, and stop hurting.
These early mornings are the only time I’m honest with myself, admitting I drink too much and need to change. It’s the worst part of my day, and it’s always the same, night after night. The next day it’s as if I have amnesia. I turn back into a generally happy person. I can’t reconcile my misery, so I simply ignore it. If you ask me about drinking I’ll tell you I love it; it relaxes me and makes life fun. In fact, I’ll be shocked if you don’t drink with me. I will wonder, “Why on earth not?” During the day I feel in control. I am successful and busy. The outward signs of how much I drink are practically nonexistent. I am so busy that I don’t leave room for honesty, questioning, and broken promises. The evening comes, the drinking starts, and the cycle continues. I am no longer in control, and the only time I am brave enough to admit it (even to myself) is alone, in the dark, at three in the morning.
The implications of what it could mean are terrifying. What if I have a problem? What if I am an alcoholic? What if I am not normal? Most terrifying, what if I have to give up drinking? I worry that my pride will kill me because I have no intention of labeling myself. I am afraid of the shame and stigma. If my choice is to live a life of misery in diseased abstinence or drink myself to an early grave, I choose the latter. Horrifying but true.
What I know about getting help, I know from my brother who spent time in prison. Prison in the U.S. often involves Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) meetings. He says you start every meeting admitting that you are an alcoholic, powerless against alcohol. He says they believe alcoholism is a fatal illness without a cure. And I personally know self-proclaimed alcoholics who, rather than finding peace, fight a daily battle for sobriety. It seems miserable in our culture to be sober. To live a life avoiding temptation. Recovering appears synonymous with accepting life as just OK and adjusting to a new reality of missing out.
The idea of recovering seems to give alcohol more power even, and, maybe especially, when I am abstaining from it. I want freedom. It’s now clear that alcohol is taking more from me than it’s giving. I want to make it small and irrelevant in my life rather than allowing it more power over me. I want change. I have to find another way. And I have.
I now have freedom. I am back in control and have regained my self-respect. I am not locked in a battle for sobriety. I drink as much as I want, whenever I want. The truth is I no longer want to drink. I see now that alcohol is addictive, and I had become addicted. Obvious, right? Not exactly. In fact, in today’s drinking society, it’s not obvious at all. Admitting that alcohol is a dangerous and addictive drug like nicotine, cocaine, or heroin has serious implications. So we confuse ourselves with all sorts of convoluted theories.
I’ve never been happier. I am having more fun than ever. It’s as if I have woken up from the Matrix and realized that alcohol was only dulling my senses and keeping me trapped rather than adding to my life. I know you may find this hard, if not impossible, to believe. That’s OK. But I can give you the same freedom, the same joy, and the same control over alcohol in your life. I can take you on the same journey—a journey of facts, neuroscience, and logic. A journey that empowers you rather than rendering you powerless. A journey that does not involve the pain of deprivation.
I can put you back in control by removing your desire to drink, but be forewarned, getting rid of your desire for alcohol is the easy part. The hard part is going against groupthink, the herd mentality of our alcohol-saturated culture. After all, alcohol is the only drug on earth you have to justify not taking.
Experts imply that it takes months, even years, of hardship to stop drinking. A tough riddle can make you crazy, taking forever to solve. But if someone gives you the answer, solving the riddle becomes effortless. I hope this book will be the answer you are looking for.
I offer a perspective of education and enlightenment based on common sense and the most recent insights across psychology and neuroscience. A perspective that will empower and delight you, allowing you to forever change your relationship with alcohol. And remember, sometimes what you are searching for is in the journey rather than the destination.
All my best,
Annie Grace
INTRODUCTION (#ulink_97ad92c6-b362-5134-9eb2-c9c46d00dc2b)
“We can’t be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea.” —C. JoyBell C.
What if, by reversing years of unconscious conditioning, you could return to the perspective of a non-drinker? Not a recovering (sober) alcoholic but a person with the same desire, need, and craving for alcohol as someone who has never picked up a bottle—a true nondrinker. Well, you can. By the end of this book, you will be free to weigh the pros and cons of drinking and determine alcohol’s role in your life without emotional or illogical cravings. You can remain happy about your choice because it will be yours alone, decided from a place of freedom rather than out of obligation or coercion. Your desire to drink will be gone, so no matter what you choose you won’t feel like you are missing out. You won’t be pining for a drink or avoiding social situations because of temptation. Without desire there exists no temptation. Importantly, you won’t have to label yourself as diseased or powerless.
This book will change your perception by showing you why you drink, both psychologically and neurologically. You may believe you already understand why you drink—to relieve stress, engage socially, or liven up a party. These are your rationalizations for drinking, but you actually drink for subtler and less conscious reasons. Understanding these reasons will put you back in control. It will end your confusion and eliminate your misery. But first, we must undo years—decades—of unconscious conditioning about alcohol.
And don’t beat yourself up for anything you have struggled with in the past (including unsuccessful attempts to quit). It’s counterproductive. There is a powerful misconception that people who can’t control their drinking are weak-willed. In my experience it’s often the strongest, smartest, and most successful people who drink more than they should. Drinking, or wanting to drink, does not make you weak. You may find it hard to believe, but an inability to control how much you drink is not a sign of weakness. So let’s stop any self-loathing right now.
You may find it impossible to believe drinking less won’t involve deprivation. The idea of drinking less fills you, as it did me, with dread. You worry that parties and social occasions will become tedious and difficult to attend. If you drink to relieve stress, the thought of losing the added support you believe alcohol provides can be terrifying. But it’s true. With this approach you can effortlessly drink less and feel happy about it. What a euphoric, life-changing experience! You’ll be excited to go out with friends, even to bars, knowing that not a drop of alcohol will cross your lips.
Does drinking less mean drinking nothing? Do you need to quit forever? That will be up to you. You will make your own decision based on information that empowers you, giving you back control rather than imposing rules on you. We will explore all aspects of the drinking cycle. Don’t worry about making a decision about how much or how often you will drink now. What is important in this moment is that you have hope. You need to know this approach can and will work—that you will be released from the clutches of alcohol.
Maybe you think I don’t grasp your situation, how dependent you’ve become on booze. Perhaps you’ve been drinking heavily for many years, and these claims seem absurd. That’s OK. Skepticism won’t impact the result.
No matter why you picked up this book, you’ll find nothing but great news here. If you read, critically consider, and absorb the information in these pages, you will be inspired to sever or cut back on your relationship with alcohol without feeling deprived. In fact, you’ll be happy, possibly euphoric, about your decision. You will feel in control and empowered to make conscious, logical, fact-based choices about the role alcohol will play in your life. I encourage you to read between one and two chapters a day, progressing with momentum, yet allowing sufficient time to absorb the content.
Don’t change your day-to-day routine, even if it includes drinking. You heard correctly—feel free to continue to drink while reading the book. This may seem counterintuitive, but you will see that it is important to the process. Of course, if you have already stopped drinking there is no reason to start, and I am absolutely not encouraging you to do so. What’s important is that you continue your regular routines so you don’t create stress and foster a sense of deprivation while trying to absorb this information. You will need to focus and critically consider what This Naked Mind presents to you. However, it is important, if possible, to read sober in order to fully grasp the material. And don’t skip ahead. The concepts build on themselves. This book will challenge you, so please be willing to open your mind and question long-held beliefs.
Finally, be hopeful. You are about to accomplish something incredible—regaining control. I know it hasn’t happened yet, but you can be excited about it now. So, throughout the book, do your best to maintain a positive state of mind. Change often occurs when the pain of the current situation becomes so great you become willing to change without fully understanding what the future holds. You probably imagine a life without alcohol as painful, even scary. This perception encourages you to put off change as long as possible. I will show you how altering your drinking habits will not cause pain, but instead allow you to enjoy your life more than you ever thought possible. With this approach, you are not clutching to the proverbial burning platform. You do not have to choose between the lesser of two evils (continuing to drink or living a life of deprivation). Rather, you will make the simple choice between your current state and a bright and exciting future. It’s OK, even encouraged, to allow yourself to feel hopeful. This book contains a revolutionary approach. It will change your life for the better.
1. (#ulink_8abcd97b-6fbc-5239-b4b8-371ef73b6aac)
THIS NAKED MIND: HOW AND WHY IT WORKS (#ulink_8abcd97b-6fbc-5239-b4b8-371ef73b6aac)
unconscious: un·con·scious | /әn'känSHәs/ noun.
The part of the mind that a person is not aware of but that is a powerful force in controlling behavior.
conscious: con·scious | /'känSHәs/ adjective.
Aware of something (such as a fact or feeling), knowing that something exists or is happening.
consciousness: con·scious·ness | /'känSHәs-nәss/ noun.
The condition of being conscious
: the quality or state of being aware especially of something within oneself
: the upper level of mental life which the person is aware of as contrasted with unconscious processes.
Definitions sourced from Merriam-Webster’s.
Conscious or Unconscious Thought?
Did you know your unconscious mind is responsible for your desires? Most of us don’t think about the distinction between our conscious and unconscious thoughts, but that distinction forms a vital piece of the alcohol puzzle. Studies confirm we have two separate cognitive (thinking) systems—the conscious and the unconscious.
The give-and-take between unconscious choices and our rational, conscious goals can help explain the mystifying realities of alcohol.
We are all fairly familiar with the conscious (or explicit) mind. Conscious learning requires the aware, intellectual grasp of specific knowledge or procedures, which you can memorize and articulate.
When we want to change something in our lives, we usually start with a conscious decision. However, drinking is no longer a fully conscious choice in your life. Therefore, when you make a conscious decision to drink less, it’s almost impossible to adhere to that decision because your larger, more powerful unconscious mind missed the memo.
Unconscious learning happens automatically and unintentionally through experiences, observations, conditioning, and practice.
We’ve been conditioned to believe we enjoy drinking. We think it enhances our social life and relieves boredom and stress. We believe these things below our conscious awareness. This is why, even after we consciously acknowledge that alcohol takes more than it gives, we retain the desire to drink.
The neurological changes that occur in your brain as a result of alcohol compound this unconscious desire. Thad A. Polk, neuroscientist, professor, and author of The Addictive Brain (a 2015 course on the newest science of addiction), says viewing addiction through the eyes of neuroscience allows us to “look beyond the seemingly bizarre behavior of addicts and see what is going on inside their brain.”
In my early days on this journey, the undermining of my desire to drink less by a strange desire to drink more seemed nothing if not bizarre.
The mind, specifically the unconscious mind, is a powerful force in controlling our behavior. Information suggesting the benefits of alcohol surrounds us, yet we rarely become conscious of it. According to the Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) communication model, we are assaulted with over two million bits of data every second, but we are only consciously aware of seven bits of that information.
Television, movies, advertising, and social gatherings all influence our beliefs. From childhood we’ve observed, with few exceptions, our parents, friends, and acquaintances appearing to enjoy moderate, “responsible” drinking. These images teach our unconscious minds that alcohol is pleasurable, relaxing, and sophisticated.
Your opinions about alcohol and your desire to drink spring from the lifelong mental conditioning of your unconscious mind. This desire has likely been compounded by specific neurological changes in the brain. The goal of This Naked Mind is to reverse the conditioning in your unconscious mind by educating your conscious mind. By changing your unconscious mind, we eliminate your desire to drink. Without desire, there is no temptation. Without temptation, there is no addiction.
Like most things that have been ingrained in us since childhood, we believe in alcohol without question, like we believe the sky is blue. Through this book, you will think critically about your deeply-held beliefs about alcohol and strip away those that are false. This will convince the all-powerful unconscious mind and allow harmony and agreement between your conscious and unconscious minds.
When the Brain Causes Pain
I cannot overstate the importance of your unconscious mind. I learned this lesson from Dr. John Sarno, a renowned physician who investigates the connection between physical pain and emotions. A Forbes article calls Dr. Sarno “America’s Best Doctor,”
and his methodology has successfully healed all sorts of people, including controversial radio personality Howard Stern. Sarno coined the term The Mindbody Syndrome, the theory that your mind, below your conscious awareness, rather than any physical injury or ailment, may be responsible for your pain. After the birth of my second son, I experienced crippling back pain. Incapacitated for weeks at a time, I spent thousands of dollars on treatment. I tried chiropractic care, acupuncture, traditional doctors, muscle relaxants, and painkillers. I attended weekly physical therapy, including traction and massage. For three years I was unable to pick up my kids, and no type of treatment helped.
Through Sarno’s work I learned the true source of my affliction, and through reading his book I was cured. I know this is hard to believe. Yet here I sit—I’ve remained pain-free for years. Many thousands of people have been forever cured of chronic pain through Dr. Sarno’s work. There is even a website set up by individuals Dr. Sarno has cured. The purpose? To provide a place for people to write thankyou letters to Dr. Sarno to express their gratitude for giving them their lives back. It’s truly amazing and can be found at thankyoudrsarno.org (http://thankyoudrsarno.org). Dr. Sarno’s approach of targeting and speaking to your unconscious mind is the same approach I employ for regaining control over alcohol.
Dr. Sarno methodically proved to me that the back pain I felt—pain that no medical professional could diagnose—was related to suppressed stress and anger.
How do we accumulate all this suppressed stress and anger? Imagine a young father. His wife (who no longer has time for him) hands him their screaming baby. She is exhausted and needs a break. He takes the child and tries everything to comfort him. Forty minutes later the baby is still screaming. The father is frustrated and angry. How can he not be? His needs are not being met, the baby’s actions are illogical, and he feels useless. In his mind, it is unacceptable to feel angry at a helpless baby, so these emotions remain buried in his subconscious, or as psychiatrist Carl Jung calls it, “the shadow.”
We hide emotions that we feel to be abhorrent in “the shadow.” We are unwilling to accept this part of us. So, we assert, “I am a good person; there is no way I want to harm this helpless baby,” and we unconsciously repress our negative emotions. In order to deeply bury reprehensible emotions, your brain can cause physical pain to distract you. The pain is real. Laboratory tests demonstrate that the pain is caused when your brain cuts off oxygen to the afflicted area. Epidemiologists call this transfer of symptoms amplification.
Amplification prevents unacceptable ideas from surfacing.
Your Unconscious Mind at Work
“Anything unconscious dissolves when you shine the light of consciousness on it.”
—Eckhart Tolle
Why am I telling you all this? Drinking and back pain seem like two very different problems. So what do “the shadow” and amplification have to do with drinking? It’s hard to believe that reading a book cured my back pain, but perhaps you can see how physical pain could originate in your emotions. Your conscious mind may now be willing to entertain this theory. But if I only needed to consciously accept the fact that the pain stemmed from my emotions rather than a physical injury, the cure would have been instant. Simply hearing the theory and accepting it consciously would have been enough to heal my back. But while my consciousness could grasp the concepts relatively easily, the pain remained. This is because it was my unconscious, rather than conscious, mind that needed to understand, to grasp the reality of the situation. And that process, the process of Dr. Sarno speaking to my unconscious mind, took me reading a 300-page book.
The unconscious mind is not logical; it’s all about feelings. It is the source of love, desire, fear, jealousy, sadness, joy, anger, and more. The unconscious mind drives your emotions and desires. When you make a conscious decision to quit or cut back on alcohol, your unconscious desires remain unchanged. You have unknowingly created an internal conflict. You want to cut back or quit, but you still desire a drink and feel deprived when you do not allow yourself one.
Also, the unconscious mind often works without the knowledge or control of the conscious mind.
Studies from as far back as 1970 prove our brains actually prepare for action 1/3 of a second before we consciously decide to act. This means that even when we think we are making conscious decisions, our unconscious mind actually makes the decision for us.
You can easily test this and reveal the extent to which your unconscious mind controls your conscious decisions. Remember a day when you were in a bad mood for no reason. You couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong; you just felt grumpy. If your conscious mind controlled your emotions, you could simply think, “I am going to be happy,” and your mood would change from grumpy to sunny. Have you tried that? Did it work?
When I am in a bad mood, a conscious thought to try to be happier—or, worse, someone telling me to just be happy—does nothing to improve my mood. It does the opposite. Why? Because your conscious mind doesn’t control your emotions. Granted, you can train your conscious mind in more positive or negative thought patterns, which ultimately alters how you feel. These repeated conscious thoughts eventually influence your unconscious and therefore your feelings.
So how does your unconscious mind feel about alcohol? Today’s society has conditioned your unconscious mind to believe alcohol provides pleasure, enjoyment, and support—that it is vital to social situations and stressful situations alike. This book reverses that conditioning by stripping away your false beliefs about alcohol. We will do this with the help of Liminal Thinking, a method developed by author Dave Gray. Liminal Thinking defines how, through the conscious exploration and acceptance of new ideas and truths, you can influence your unconscious mind. This gives you back your ability to make rational and logical decisions about alcohol, no longer influenced by illogical, emotional, or irrational desires. It will give you control and freedom by changing your understanding of and therefore your relationship with alcohol. While tradition, advertising, and societal norms condition our unconscious to believe that alcohol is beneficial, Liminal Thinking and the material in this book will expose that unconscious conditioning and recondition your unconscious, exposing alcohol and giving you freedom.
Experience and the Unconscious Mind
In order to influence the unconscious mind, we need to first talk about the way in which personal experience ties to the unconscious. Perhaps you’ve heard the ancient story about the blind men and the elephant. Three blind men are brought into a room with an elephant, and each man touches a different part. One touches the tail, one the trunk, and one the side. When asked what they are touching they begin to argue. The one touching the trunk believes he is touching a snake; the one touching the body, a wall; and the one touching the tail, a rope.
Each blind man is saying what he believes to be true. And their experience proves it. Since we tend to trust our experiences implicitly, we understand how the argument started. Of course, the truth is that none of them are correct. They are all experiencing a piece of reality and forming their own, very different, opinions.
Gray explains that we only see and experience part of reality, and no matter how many experiences we have had, our brains are not powerful enough to experience and observe everything. Gray makes the point that we are limited by what we pay attention to: “In any given moment, the more you focus on one aspect of your experience, the less you notice everything else.”
We usually notice only the things specific to our immediate reality: the society we grew up in, the media, the influencers in our lives, and our actual life experiences.
Gray states that upon those relevant experiences and observations we make assumptions, from those assumptions we draw conclusions, and from those conclusions we form beliefs.
Gray defines belief as everything we “know” to be true.
This illustration demonstrates that the things we “know” to be true are not actually formed by reality, but by reality as we have interpreted it from our experiences, observations, assumptions, and conclusions. Consider how this applies to alcohol. Collectively held beliefs are not built directly on the foundation of reality.
These beliefs can include statements like:
• Alcohol provides enjoyment.
• Alcohol provides relief.
• Alcohol is the key to social situations.
• A party can’t really be a party without booze.
• Alcohol makes us funnier or more creative.
• Alcohol can relieve our stress or boredom.
• For some it can be hard, if not impossible, to stop drinking.
• The very definition of alcoholic and alcoholism.
These beliefs can be particularly difficult to change for several reasons. One reason is that we unconsciously self-seal them by seeking out things that are congruent with them. This is called confirmation bias, the tendency to search for or interpret information in a way that confirms one’s preconceptions. We can find confirmation for our preconceptions about alcohol in many forms, including the media, the people we drink with, and our internal rationalizations. Adages about drinking found hanging in so many households illustrate a confirmation bias. Some of my favorites are:
• It’s not drinking alone if the kids are home.
• We have too much wine, said no one ever.
• It’s not a hangover; it’s wine flu.
• I cook with wine; sometimes I even put it in the food.
• Wine! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad.
The kicker is that these beliefs have become so ingrained in our minds and our society, and so repeatedly self-sealed, that they are programmed into our unconscious. And our unconscious controls our emotions and our desires.
By definition the unconscious is not readily accessible or easily changed.
We need a specific process to dive into the foundation of our beliefs, examine them, and change our perceived reality.
So what happens when your experiences with alcohol start to contradict your bubble of self-sealing belief? Perhaps your experiences are no longer wholly positive, and you start to question your drinking. Or maybe you hear new information about the dangers of drinking.
Gray says that one of the ways we make sense of these new ideas that don’t fit with our current beliefs is to look for external validity. Can we take the new information and test it out to prove its merit? However, especially with alcohol, we often don’t make it that far. This is because the new information doesn’t have internal coherence— it doesn’t fit with what you “know” to be true. And because it is lacking in internal coherence, you will unconsciously reject it before you have a chance to consciously consider it. This happens all the time. We both consciously and unconsciously disregard information we don’t want to hear. And when we do this, we never have a chance to see if this new information is indeed true; we never move to test it against reality.
Why does this happen? Because we like certainty; it feels safe. Gray explains this unconscious behavior helps us deal with the realities of life, many of which are uncomfortable. It allows us to outsource some of the fear that attacks us when we confront certain truths. Reality is uncertain, and uncertainty causes fear. We try to protect ourselves from this fear by staying inside our bubble of belief until something happens that we cannot ignore. At that point we are forced to confront reality.
For me, it was one hangover too many, leaving me unable to function during the day as a result of my heavy drinking at night. I reached a point where I could no longer ignore the fact that alcohol was affecting my career and my relationships. This forced me to confront new information that said wine was not the joy juice I believed it to be.
But at this stage, attempting to drink less felt practically impossible. Why? I lived with a huge bubble of self-sealing belief around my drinking. I believed alcohol enhanced my creativity, made me funnier and more outgoing, allowed me to enjoy social situations, relieved my stress at the end of a long day, and comforted me when something went wrong. Giving up drinking felt like an incredible sacrifice, like the loss of a close friend. These were beliefs I had never previously questioned that had been built up over a lifetime of experiences, observations, assumptions, and conclusions.
I knew these beliefs to be true. I felt I would never be able to relax without a glass of wine. I honestly believed social situations would be boring and even depressing without alcohol. Even when I realized these beliefs were illogical, they still felt true because they were embedded in my unconscious and were much stronger than my logical, conscious reasoning. As Gray says, “construction of belief is not something we do consciously, it’s something we do unconsciously.”
In the illustration below you can see how everything shaded in below the line of our beliefs represents the things we are not consciously aware of.
So what can we do? How can we explore reality and change our unconscious belief that alcohol is the “elixir of life” to fit with our conscious desire to drink less? It’s relatively simple. We need to bring unconscious experiences, observations, assumptions, and conclusions into conscious thought. This allows your unconscious to change. The concept is scientifically proven—scientists now realize that the brain is able to change and adapt in response to new experiences, in a process called neuroplasticity.
The process of illuminating your unconscious foundation of belief will influence your unconscious mind. To do this, I will logically and critically provide you with information about alcohol and addiction. I will expose your beliefs, assumptions, and conclusions by presenting you with methodical, factual, and rational arguments for you to question and evaluate. You’ll be completely in control: I will strip away misinformation and present new concepts you have not yet critically considered. I will give you the tools to discover your own truth, your own reality, to understand that the rope you think you are holding might really be the tail of an elephant. Let’s get started.
Alcohol: The “Elixir of Life”?
Alcohol is addictive. This fact has been proven over and over again. It is the nature of the substance, and it doesn’t matter who you are or how in control you believe yourself to be. Your physical response when you drink alcohol is to want more. Alcohol hooks you through its addictive and dehydrating nature. Again, this is a physiological fact. Before you drank alcohol, you didn’t miss it; you didn’t think about it. You were happy and free.
If you’re having problems with alcohol, you’ve already realized alcohol is not a miracle elixir. You know it’s costing you money, health, friendships, and maybe even your marriage. Your conscious mind knows all of this. The problem is that your unconscious is continuously assaulted with messages about the “joy” it brings and the stress it relieves. These messages come from external sources, friends, family, and of course, advertising. These messages are confirmed by internal sources—your past experiences with alcohol. This book will address both.
Over the next day, notice how many messages you are exposed to about the “pleasures” and “benefits” of alcohol. Look around—from your friends to what you watch on television, almost everything in our society tells you, both consciously and unconsciously, that alcohol is the “elixir of life,” and without it your life would be missing a key ingredient.
The Twelfth Juror
“Truth rests with the minority . . . because the minority is generally formed by those who really have an opinion.” —Søren Kierkegaard
Alcoholism appears complex because it is misunderstood, not only by drinkers and their families but also by experts. We must see through these illusions. In short, we need to become detectives and lay bare the information, evaluate it, and discover the truth.
You may wonder, if common knowledge about alcohol and addiction is false, why do we believe it? How do we, as a society, accept untrue propositions as fact? Great questions. To answer them, let’s look at a jury deliberating in a trial. It’s a large jury with twelve jurors. Eleven of them are convinced of the defendant’s guilt and one believes in his innocence. Do we believe the eleven jurors or the one? For the single juror to detain an exhausted jury (the decision must be unanimous), he must be absolutely sure of his position. In fact, you could argue that he is more certain than the eleven. Going against the grain is not easy. He must see something the rest do not. Suppose the eleven are experts? How much firmer in his stance must that single juror be? It appears the one juror is considering a perspective the eleven are not.
One of my favorite authors, Terry Pratchett, famously said, “We must be able, at any time, to accept the fact that we could all be absolutely and utterly wrong.” It can be difficult to accept that the majority might be wrong, but it is a possibility we must entertain. It’s amazing how drinkers can be incredibly open-minded about many things, yet close-minded when it comes to alcohol. This is because of the compartmentalization that happens within the mind of any substance-addicted person. So keep your mind open.
Visualize Success!
You are now ready to suspend judgment. To explore your unconscious desire to drink, to understand the reasons why you drink. This is great, and if you are willing to be honest with yourself and look deep into your belief system, you will find success.
This Naked Mind will help you explore your unconscious—and therefore influence it—as you work through the book. This type of book encourages your mind to consider the information when you are not actually reading and even when you sleep. That being said, you can take certain steps to ensure success. You may notice repetition throughout the book. You’re a busy person and want me to cut to the chase. Rest assured, it is repetitive for a reason. For most of your life you have been repeatedly exposed to media, peer pressure, and many other influences. Repetition is vital to undoing a lifetime of ingrained beliefs. Despite the repetition, I’ve tried to make the content as interesting as possible.
Emotions and images—not necessarily images you see but images in your mind—comprise the language of your unconscious mind. When you experience emotions related to the content, you will speak more directly to your unconscious. Importantly, you should feel hopeful when reading this book. The theory is sound, and I’ve included the most up-to-date scientific, medical, and psychological information. It works. It will work for you. Concentrate on that, and be hopeful.
Visualizing success always helps. A growing body of research suggests our unconscious minds cannot actually tell the difference between a real experience and a vividly imagined fake experience.
So visualize success—like being incredibly happy, laughing, and having a great time out with friends while drinking lemonade. You can even spend a few minutes each morning and night imagining the life you want while feeling positive emotions. This inspires success.
Get excited about what the future holds. Cultivate feelings of success even before you are successful. You hold all the tools you need to regain control of your drinking. Begin to think about the power of your mind and the strength of your body. This is exciting! In fact regaining control of my life through This Naked Mind is one of the most exciting and life-affirming things that has happened to me. It can be the same for you.
Don’t dwell on past experiences. Your past is in the past. You have been caught, and through this book you will see that your alcohol problem is not your fault. Forgive yourself. You are the hero of this story. There is no reason to dwell on the negativity of the past and every reason to forgive yourself. Look forward to an incredible future.
Finally, relax! Let go of expectations, remain positive, and just let it happen. In Shawn Achor’s book The Happiness Advantage, he states, “positive emotions broaden our scope of cognition and behavior . . . they dial up the learning centers of our brains to higher levels. They help us organize new information, keep that information in the brain longer, and retrieve it faster later on. And they enable us to make and sustain more neural connections, which allows us to think more quickly . . . and see new ways of doing things.”
Do what you can to put yourself in a positive frame of mind while reading. There is so much to look forward to! Trust the approach, and more importantly, trust your unconscious to do the right thing for you. You can’t control or micromanage your unconscious. Worry and stress are conscious activities—don’t bother with them.
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Annie Grace
Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life‘Brilliant’ – Stella DuffyMillions of people worry that drinking is affecting their health, yet are unwilling to seek change because of the misery and stigma associated with alcoholism and recovery. They fear drinking less will be boring, difficult and involve deprivation, and significant lifestyle changes.This Naked Mind offers a new solution. Packed with surprising insight into the reasons we drink, it will open your eyes to the startling role of alcohol in our culture. Annie Grace brilliantly weaves psychological, neurological, cultural, social and industry factors with her extraordinarily candid journey resulting in a must read for anyone who drinks.This book, without scare tactics, pain or rules, gives you freedom from alcohol. By addressing causes rather than symptoms it is a permanent solution rather than lifetime struggle. It removes the psychological dependence allowing you to easily drink less (or stop drinking). Annie’s clarity, humor and unique ability to blend original research with riveting storytelling ensures you will thoroughly enjoy the process.In a world defined by ‘never enough’ Annie takes us on an intellectual journey through the world of alcohol and specifically the connection between alcohol and pleasure. She dispels the cultural myth that alcohol is a vital part of life and demonstrates how regaining control over alcohol is not only essential to personal happiness and fulfilment but also to ending the heartache experienced by millions as a result of second-hand drinking.Finally, with perfect clarity, this book opens the door to the life you have been waiting for.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR (#ulink_2237024d-65e4-587c-b929-c69da89c8ed4)
Photo by Anthology Fine Art
ANNIE GRACE has had a unique life from the very beginning. She grew up in a one-room cabin without running water or electricity in the mountains of Colorado and then, at age twenty-six, became the youngest vice president in a multinational corporation. Success, however, led to excessive drinking and the possibility that she might lose everything. Annie recognized her problem but chose to approach it in an entirely new way. Annie’s program has been featured in Forbes, the New York Daily News, and the Chicago Tribune. Annie is successful, happy, and alcohol-free and lives with her husband and three children in the Colorado mountains.
COPYRIGHT (#ulink_9720c1b3-8861-5b93-a056-08f9104ca497)
An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2018
Copyright © Annie Grace 2018
Annie Grace asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Ebook Edition © December 2017 ISBN: 9780008293444
Version: 2018-04-18
To He Who Is:
Because you loved me before I knew your name and taught me there is always room at the bottom.
Husband:
Thank you for your incredible strength and amazing grace.
Get in touch:
thisnakedmind.com (http://thisnakedmind.com)
thisnakedmindcommunity.com (http://thisnakedmindcommunity.com)
hello@thisnakedmind.com (mailto:hello@thisnakedmind.com)
Twitter: @thisnakedmind (http://twitter.com/@thisnakedmind)
Facebook: This Naked Mind
What Readers Are Saying (#u48c6120b-6463-5e0b-8b88-bf1061b1ef00)
‘The most selfless and amazing book I have ever read. Thank you, Annie Grace, for your wisdom, intelligence, sense of humor, and love. I do believe you have saved my life. Today my youngest child got her final exam results and the next phase of her life begins. She will not be alone. Thank you, Annie Grace, for this gift.’
– Bernie M., Dublin, Ireland
‘Without sounding too extreme, this book has significantly – and I think permanently – changed me and my attitude toward drinking. I have used Annie’s wisdom and done some things alcohol-free that I would never have thought I could do. I can’t say enough good about it and advise those who are ambivalent about drinking and not drinking to read it. Thanks again, Annie Grace, you’ve given me my life back, seriously.’
– Katy F., Albuquerque, New Mexico
‘As a huge fan of Jason Vale, I was really interested to read This Naked Mind. It was so interesting to read more about the science behind addiction and the unconscious mind. It added a new level to my understanding of why I want to live a sober and happy life! I highly recommend this book to anyone, whether they are interested in cutting down or staying alcohol- free; there are so many practical tips and suggestions. I loved it!’
– Sarah L., London, United Kingdom
‘Genuinely hopeful and realistic philosophy and practice. Thanks, Annie Grace.’
– Louise P., Des Moines, Iowa
‘This Naked Mind has allowed me to view my drinking habits from a new perspective. Now I know the science behind my addictive tendencies, sobriety has become less of a struggle and more of a celebration because I am finally free to live life on my own terms rather than under the control of alcohol. The message in This Naked Mind is truly liberating.’
– Marcus J., London, United Kingdom
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Cover (#uedd64f52-ab0a-5063-9e5b-e0af9ea8becd)
About the Author (#ulink_525f1f89-8941-556b-ba45-a3237df318a8)
Title Page (#ufadcdb78-263d-59ef-bccf-cb8dec9e020f)
Copyright (#ulink_3d817f68-9337-5137-91b7-560e0bb9823c)
Dedication (#u2dfffc8a-b6d7-5291-82e6-765fc6b26ae0)
Praise (#u39e325c9-9b6f-5057-a370-efb66fd1b32b)
Preface (#ulink_48d086cd-174a-54d7-a337-35c02ef96b9f)
Introduction (#ulink_c4637a3d-4498-5a81-9023-fd4d6432c2d1)
1. This Naked Mind: How and Why It Works (#ulink_494012d8-e083-5944-b24b-c6e43552b1ea)
2. The Drinker or the Drink? Part 1: The Drinker (#ulink_13b93d10-ac3a-508f-a5f8-4939c45b6493)
3. The Drinker or the Drink? Part 2: The Drink
4. Liminal Point: Is Drinking a Habit?
5. You: Simply Naked
6. Liminal Point: Are We Really Drinking For The Taste
7. You: Polluted
8. Liminal Point: Is Alcohol Liquid Courage?
9. Oh S#*%! We’re Stuck
10. Liminal Point: Drinking Helps Me Loosen Up and Have Better Sex
11. A Quest for Sobriety
12. Liminal Point: I Drink to Relieve Stress and Anxiety
13. The Mystery of Spontaneous Sobriety
14. Liminal Point: I Enjoy Drinking; It Makes Me Happy
15. Defining Addiction: Part 1
16. Liminal Point: Is Alcohol Vital to Social Life?
17. Defining Addiction: Part 2
18. Liminal Point: It’s Cultural. I Need to Drink to Fit In
19. The Descent: Why Some Descend Faster Than Others
20. Living a Naked Life in Our Society
21. This Naked Mind
22. The Secret to Happily and Easily Drinking Less
23. The Journey: ‘Relapse’
24. Pay It Forward
Dear Reader
Endnotes
Acknowledgements
About the Publisher (#u6e7f9513-b72c-51dd-bc93-68315a2d8376)
PREFACE (#ulink_69abe996-9e70-59af-9afe-0d8af7487a83)
3:33 a.m. I wake up at the same time every night. I briefly wonder if that is supposed to mean something. Probably not, probably just a coincidence. I know what’s coming, and I brace myself. The usual thoughts begin to surface. I try to piece the previous evening together, attempting to count my drinks. I count five glasses of wine, and then the memories grow fuzzy. I know I had a few more, but I’ve now lost count. I wonder how anyone can drink so much. I know I can’t go on like this. I start to worry about my health, beginning the well-trodden road of fear and recrimination: What were you thinking? Don’t you care about anything? Anyone? How will it feel if you end up with cancer? It will serve you right. What about the kids? Can’t you stop for the kids? Or Brian? They love you. There’s no good reason why, but they do. Why are you so weak? So stupid? If I can just make myself see the horror of how far I’ve fallen, maybe I can regain control. Next come the vows, my promises to myself to do things differently tomorrow. To fix this. Promises I never keep.
I’m awake for about an hour. Sometimes I cry. Other times I’m so disgusted that all I feel is anger. Lately I’ve been sneaking into the kitchen and drinking more. Just enough to shut down my brain, fall back asleep, and stop hurting.
These early mornings are the only time I’m honest with myself, admitting I drink too much and need to change. It’s the worst part of my day, and it’s always the same, night after night. The next day it’s as if I have amnesia. I turn back into a generally happy person. I can’t reconcile my misery, so I simply ignore it. If you ask me about drinking I’ll tell you I love it; it relaxes me and makes life fun. In fact, I’ll be shocked if you don’t drink with me. I will wonder, “Why on earth not?” During the day I feel in control. I am successful and busy. The outward signs of how much I drink are practically nonexistent. I am so busy that I don’t leave room for honesty, questioning, and broken promises. The evening comes, the drinking starts, and the cycle continues. I am no longer in control, and the only time I am brave enough to admit it (even to myself) is alone, in the dark, at three in the morning.
The implications of what it could mean are terrifying. What if I have a problem? What if I am an alcoholic? What if I am not normal? Most terrifying, what if I have to give up drinking? I worry that my pride will kill me because I have no intention of labeling myself. I am afraid of the shame and stigma. If my choice is to live a life of misery in diseased abstinence or drink myself to an early grave, I choose the latter. Horrifying but true.
What I know about getting help, I know from my brother who spent time in prison. Prison in the U.S. often involves Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) meetings. He says you start every meeting admitting that you are an alcoholic, powerless against alcohol. He says they believe alcoholism is a fatal illness without a cure. And I personally know self-proclaimed alcoholics who, rather than finding peace, fight a daily battle for sobriety. It seems miserable in our culture to be sober. To live a life avoiding temptation. Recovering appears synonymous with accepting life as just OK and adjusting to a new reality of missing out.
The idea of recovering seems to give alcohol more power even, and, maybe especially, when I am abstaining from it. I want freedom. It’s now clear that alcohol is taking more from me than it’s giving. I want to make it small and irrelevant in my life rather than allowing it more power over me. I want change. I have to find another way. And I have.
I now have freedom. I am back in control and have regained my self-respect. I am not locked in a battle for sobriety. I drink as much as I want, whenever I want. The truth is I no longer want to drink. I see now that alcohol is addictive, and I had become addicted. Obvious, right? Not exactly. In fact, in today’s drinking society, it’s not obvious at all. Admitting that alcohol is a dangerous and addictive drug like nicotine, cocaine, or heroin has serious implications. So we confuse ourselves with all sorts of convoluted theories.
I’ve never been happier. I am having more fun than ever. It’s as if I have woken up from the Matrix and realized that alcohol was only dulling my senses and keeping me trapped rather than adding to my life. I know you may find this hard, if not impossible, to believe. That’s OK. But I can give you the same freedom, the same joy, and the same control over alcohol in your life. I can take you on the same journey—a journey of facts, neuroscience, and logic. A journey that empowers you rather than rendering you powerless. A journey that does not involve the pain of deprivation.
I can put you back in control by removing your desire to drink, but be forewarned, getting rid of your desire for alcohol is the easy part. The hard part is going against groupthink, the herd mentality of our alcohol-saturated culture. After all, alcohol is the only drug on earth you have to justify not taking.
Experts imply that it takes months, even years, of hardship to stop drinking. A tough riddle can make you crazy, taking forever to solve. But if someone gives you the answer, solving the riddle becomes effortless. I hope this book will be the answer you are looking for.
I offer a perspective of education and enlightenment based on common sense and the most recent insights across psychology and neuroscience. A perspective that will empower and delight you, allowing you to forever change your relationship with alcohol. And remember, sometimes what you are searching for is in the journey rather than the destination.
All my best,
Annie Grace
INTRODUCTION (#ulink_97ad92c6-b362-5134-9eb2-c9c46d00dc2b)
“We can’t be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea.” —C. JoyBell C.
What if, by reversing years of unconscious conditioning, you could return to the perspective of a non-drinker? Not a recovering (sober) alcoholic but a person with the same desire, need, and craving for alcohol as someone who has never picked up a bottle—a true nondrinker. Well, you can. By the end of this book, you will be free to weigh the pros and cons of drinking and determine alcohol’s role in your life without emotional or illogical cravings. You can remain happy about your choice because it will be yours alone, decided from a place of freedom rather than out of obligation or coercion. Your desire to drink will be gone, so no matter what you choose you won’t feel like you are missing out. You won’t be pining for a drink or avoiding social situations because of temptation. Without desire there exists no temptation. Importantly, you won’t have to label yourself as diseased or powerless.
This book will change your perception by showing you why you drink, both psychologically and neurologically. You may believe you already understand why you drink—to relieve stress, engage socially, or liven up a party. These are your rationalizations for drinking, but you actually drink for subtler and less conscious reasons. Understanding these reasons will put you back in control. It will end your confusion and eliminate your misery. But first, we must undo years—decades—of unconscious conditioning about alcohol.
And don’t beat yourself up for anything you have struggled with in the past (including unsuccessful attempts to quit). It’s counterproductive. There is a powerful misconception that people who can’t control their drinking are weak-willed. In my experience it’s often the strongest, smartest, and most successful people who drink more than they should. Drinking, or wanting to drink, does not make you weak. You may find it hard to believe, but an inability to control how much you drink is not a sign of weakness. So let’s stop any self-loathing right now.
You may find it impossible to believe drinking less won’t involve deprivation. The idea of drinking less fills you, as it did me, with dread. You worry that parties and social occasions will become tedious and difficult to attend. If you drink to relieve stress, the thought of losing the added support you believe alcohol provides can be terrifying. But it’s true. With this approach you can effortlessly drink less and feel happy about it. What a euphoric, life-changing experience! You’ll be excited to go out with friends, even to bars, knowing that not a drop of alcohol will cross your lips.
Does drinking less mean drinking nothing? Do you need to quit forever? That will be up to you. You will make your own decision based on information that empowers you, giving you back control rather than imposing rules on you. We will explore all aspects of the drinking cycle. Don’t worry about making a decision about how much or how often you will drink now. What is important in this moment is that you have hope. You need to know this approach can and will work—that you will be released from the clutches of alcohol.
Maybe you think I don’t grasp your situation, how dependent you’ve become on booze. Perhaps you’ve been drinking heavily for many years, and these claims seem absurd. That’s OK. Skepticism won’t impact the result.
No matter why you picked up this book, you’ll find nothing but great news here. If you read, critically consider, and absorb the information in these pages, you will be inspired to sever or cut back on your relationship with alcohol without feeling deprived. In fact, you’ll be happy, possibly euphoric, about your decision. You will feel in control and empowered to make conscious, logical, fact-based choices about the role alcohol will play in your life. I encourage you to read between one and two chapters a day, progressing with momentum, yet allowing sufficient time to absorb the content.
Don’t change your day-to-day routine, even if it includes drinking. You heard correctly—feel free to continue to drink while reading the book. This may seem counterintuitive, but you will see that it is important to the process. Of course, if you have already stopped drinking there is no reason to start, and I am absolutely not encouraging you to do so. What’s important is that you continue your regular routines so you don’t create stress and foster a sense of deprivation while trying to absorb this information. You will need to focus and critically consider what This Naked Mind presents to you. However, it is important, if possible, to read sober in order to fully grasp the material. And don’t skip ahead. The concepts build on themselves. This book will challenge you, so please be willing to open your mind and question long-held beliefs.
Finally, be hopeful. You are about to accomplish something incredible—regaining control. I know it hasn’t happened yet, but you can be excited about it now. So, throughout the book, do your best to maintain a positive state of mind. Change often occurs when the pain of the current situation becomes so great you become willing to change without fully understanding what the future holds. You probably imagine a life without alcohol as painful, even scary. This perception encourages you to put off change as long as possible. I will show you how altering your drinking habits will not cause pain, but instead allow you to enjoy your life more than you ever thought possible. With this approach, you are not clutching to the proverbial burning platform. You do not have to choose between the lesser of two evils (continuing to drink or living a life of deprivation). Rather, you will make the simple choice between your current state and a bright and exciting future. It’s OK, even encouraged, to allow yourself to feel hopeful. This book contains a revolutionary approach. It will change your life for the better.
1. (#ulink_8abcd97b-6fbc-5239-b4b8-371ef73b6aac)
THIS NAKED MIND: HOW AND WHY IT WORKS (#ulink_8abcd97b-6fbc-5239-b4b8-371ef73b6aac)
unconscious: un·con·scious | /әn'känSHәs/ noun.
The part of the mind that a person is not aware of but that is a powerful force in controlling behavior.
conscious: con·scious | /'känSHәs/ adjective.
Aware of something (such as a fact or feeling), knowing that something exists or is happening.
consciousness: con·scious·ness | /'känSHәs-nәss/ noun.
The condition of being conscious
: the quality or state of being aware especially of something within oneself
: the upper level of mental life which the person is aware of as contrasted with unconscious processes.
Definitions sourced from Merriam-Webster’s.
Conscious or Unconscious Thought?
Did you know your unconscious mind is responsible for your desires? Most of us don’t think about the distinction between our conscious and unconscious thoughts, but that distinction forms a vital piece of the alcohol puzzle. Studies confirm we have two separate cognitive (thinking) systems—the conscious and the unconscious.
The give-and-take between unconscious choices and our rational, conscious goals can help explain the mystifying realities of alcohol.
We are all fairly familiar with the conscious (or explicit) mind. Conscious learning requires the aware, intellectual grasp of specific knowledge or procedures, which you can memorize and articulate.
When we want to change something in our lives, we usually start with a conscious decision. However, drinking is no longer a fully conscious choice in your life. Therefore, when you make a conscious decision to drink less, it’s almost impossible to adhere to that decision because your larger, more powerful unconscious mind missed the memo.
Unconscious learning happens automatically and unintentionally through experiences, observations, conditioning, and practice.
We’ve been conditioned to believe we enjoy drinking. We think it enhances our social life and relieves boredom and stress. We believe these things below our conscious awareness. This is why, even after we consciously acknowledge that alcohol takes more than it gives, we retain the desire to drink.
The neurological changes that occur in your brain as a result of alcohol compound this unconscious desire. Thad A. Polk, neuroscientist, professor, and author of The Addictive Brain (a 2015 course on the newest science of addiction), says viewing addiction through the eyes of neuroscience allows us to “look beyond the seemingly bizarre behavior of addicts and see what is going on inside their brain.”
In my early days on this journey, the undermining of my desire to drink less by a strange desire to drink more seemed nothing if not bizarre.
The mind, specifically the unconscious mind, is a powerful force in controlling our behavior. Information suggesting the benefits of alcohol surrounds us, yet we rarely become conscious of it. According to the Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) communication model, we are assaulted with over two million bits of data every second, but we are only consciously aware of seven bits of that information.
Television, movies, advertising, and social gatherings all influence our beliefs. From childhood we’ve observed, with few exceptions, our parents, friends, and acquaintances appearing to enjoy moderate, “responsible” drinking. These images teach our unconscious minds that alcohol is pleasurable, relaxing, and sophisticated.
Your opinions about alcohol and your desire to drink spring from the lifelong mental conditioning of your unconscious mind. This desire has likely been compounded by specific neurological changes in the brain. The goal of This Naked Mind is to reverse the conditioning in your unconscious mind by educating your conscious mind. By changing your unconscious mind, we eliminate your desire to drink. Without desire, there is no temptation. Without temptation, there is no addiction.
Like most things that have been ingrained in us since childhood, we believe in alcohol without question, like we believe the sky is blue. Through this book, you will think critically about your deeply-held beliefs about alcohol and strip away those that are false. This will convince the all-powerful unconscious mind and allow harmony and agreement between your conscious and unconscious minds.
When the Brain Causes Pain
I cannot overstate the importance of your unconscious mind. I learned this lesson from Dr. John Sarno, a renowned physician who investigates the connection between physical pain and emotions. A Forbes article calls Dr. Sarno “America’s Best Doctor,”
and his methodology has successfully healed all sorts of people, including controversial radio personality Howard Stern. Sarno coined the term The Mindbody Syndrome, the theory that your mind, below your conscious awareness, rather than any physical injury or ailment, may be responsible for your pain. After the birth of my second son, I experienced crippling back pain. Incapacitated for weeks at a time, I spent thousands of dollars on treatment. I tried chiropractic care, acupuncture, traditional doctors, muscle relaxants, and painkillers. I attended weekly physical therapy, including traction and massage. For three years I was unable to pick up my kids, and no type of treatment helped.
Through Sarno’s work I learned the true source of my affliction, and through reading his book I was cured. I know this is hard to believe. Yet here I sit—I’ve remained pain-free for years. Many thousands of people have been forever cured of chronic pain through Dr. Sarno’s work. There is even a website set up by individuals Dr. Sarno has cured. The purpose? To provide a place for people to write thankyou letters to Dr. Sarno to express their gratitude for giving them their lives back. It’s truly amazing and can be found at thankyoudrsarno.org (http://thankyoudrsarno.org). Dr. Sarno’s approach of targeting and speaking to your unconscious mind is the same approach I employ for regaining control over alcohol.
Dr. Sarno methodically proved to me that the back pain I felt—pain that no medical professional could diagnose—was related to suppressed stress and anger.
How do we accumulate all this suppressed stress and anger? Imagine a young father. His wife (who no longer has time for him) hands him their screaming baby. She is exhausted and needs a break. He takes the child and tries everything to comfort him. Forty minutes later the baby is still screaming. The father is frustrated and angry. How can he not be? His needs are not being met, the baby’s actions are illogical, and he feels useless. In his mind, it is unacceptable to feel angry at a helpless baby, so these emotions remain buried in his subconscious, or as psychiatrist Carl Jung calls it, “the shadow.”
We hide emotions that we feel to be abhorrent in “the shadow.” We are unwilling to accept this part of us. So, we assert, “I am a good person; there is no way I want to harm this helpless baby,” and we unconsciously repress our negative emotions. In order to deeply bury reprehensible emotions, your brain can cause physical pain to distract you. The pain is real. Laboratory tests demonstrate that the pain is caused when your brain cuts off oxygen to the afflicted area. Epidemiologists call this transfer of symptoms amplification.
Amplification prevents unacceptable ideas from surfacing.
Your Unconscious Mind at Work
“Anything unconscious dissolves when you shine the light of consciousness on it.”
—Eckhart Tolle
Why am I telling you all this? Drinking and back pain seem like two very different problems. So what do “the shadow” and amplification have to do with drinking? It’s hard to believe that reading a book cured my back pain, but perhaps you can see how physical pain could originate in your emotions. Your conscious mind may now be willing to entertain this theory. But if I only needed to consciously accept the fact that the pain stemmed from my emotions rather than a physical injury, the cure would have been instant. Simply hearing the theory and accepting it consciously would have been enough to heal my back. But while my consciousness could grasp the concepts relatively easily, the pain remained. This is because it was my unconscious, rather than conscious, mind that needed to understand, to grasp the reality of the situation. And that process, the process of Dr. Sarno speaking to my unconscious mind, took me reading a 300-page book.
The unconscious mind is not logical; it’s all about feelings. It is the source of love, desire, fear, jealousy, sadness, joy, anger, and more. The unconscious mind drives your emotions and desires. When you make a conscious decision to quit or cut back on alcohol, your unconscious desires remain unchanged. You have unknowingly created an internal conflict. You want to cut back or quit, but you still desire a drink and feel deprived when you do not allow yourself one.
Also, the unconscious mind often works without the knowledge or control of the conscious mind.
Studies from as far back as 1970 prove our brains actually prepare for action 1/3 of a second before we consciously decide to act. This means that even when we think we are making conscious decisions, our unconscious mind actually makes the decision for us.
You can easily test this and reveal the extent to which your unconscious mind controls your conscious decisions. Remember a day when you were in a bad mood for no reason. You couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong; you just felt grumpy. If your conscious mind controlled your emotions, you could simply think, “I am going to be happy,” and your mood would change from grumpy to sunny. Have you tried that? Did it work?
When I am in a bad mood, a conscious thought to try to be happier—or, worse, someone telling me to just be happy—does nothing to improve my mood. It does the opposite. Why? Because your conscious mind doesn’t control your emotions. Granted, you can train your conscious mind in more positive or negative thought patterns, which ultimately alters how you feel. These repeated conscious thoughts eventually influence your unconscious and therefore your feelings.
So how does your unconscious mind feel about alcohol? Today’s society has conditioned your unconscious mind to believe alcohol provides pleasure, enjoyment, and support—that it is vital to social situations and stressful situations alike. This book reverses that conditioning by stripping away your false beliefs about alcohol. We will do this with the help of Liminal Thinking, a method developed by author Dave Gray. Liminal Thinking defines how, through the conscious exploration and acceptance of new ideas and truths, you can influence your unconscious mind. This gives you back your ability to make rational and logical decisions about alcohol, no longer influenced by illogical, emotional, or irrational desires. It will give you control and freedom by changing your understanding of and therefore your relationship with alcohol. While tradition, advertising, and societal norms condition our unconscious to believe that alcohol is beneficial, Liminal Thinking and the material in this book will expose that unconscious conditioning and recondition your unconscious, exposing alcohol and giving you freedom.
Experience and the Unconscious Mind
In order to influence the unconscious mind, we need to first talk about the way in which personal experience ties to the unconscious. Perhaps you’ve heard the ancient story about the blind men and the elephant. Three blind men are brought into a room with an elephant, and each man touches a different part. One touches the tail, one the trunk, and one the side. When asked what they are touching they begin to argue. The one touching the trunk believes he is touching a snake; the one touching the body, a wall; and the one touching the tail, a rope.
Each blind man is saying what he believes to be true. And their experience proves it. Since we tend to trust our experiences implicitly, we understand how the argument started. Of course, the truth is that none of them are correct. They are all experiencing a piece of reality and forming their own, very different, opinions.
Gray explains that we only see and experience part of reality, and no matter how many experiences we have had, our brains are not powerful enough to experience and observe everything. Gray makes the point that we are limited by what we pay attention to: “In any given moment, the more you focus on one aspect of your experience, the less you notice everything else.”
We usually notice only the things specific to our immediate reality: the society we grew up in, the media, the influencers in our lives, and our actual life experiences.
Gray states that upon those relevant experiences and observations we make assumptions, from those assumptions we draw conclusions, and from those conclusions we form beliefs.
Gray defines belief as everything we “know” to be true.
This illustration demonstrates that the things we “know” to be true are not actually formed by reality, but by reality as we have interpreted it from our experiences, observations, assumptions, and conclusions. Consider how this applies to alcohol. Collectively held beliefs are not built directly on the foundation of reality.
These beliefs can include statements like:
• Alcohol provides enjoyment.
• Alcohol provides relief.
• Alcohol is the key to social situations.
• A party can’t really be a party without booze.
• Alcohol makes us funnier or more creative.
• Alcohol can relieve our stress or boredom.
• For some it can be hard, if not impossible, to stop drinking.
• The very definition of alcoholic and alcoholism.
These beliefs can be particularly difficult to change for several reasons. One reason is that we unconsciously self-seal them by seeking out things that are congruent with them. This is called confirmation bias, the tendency to search for or interpret information in a way that confirms one’s preconceptions. We can find confirmation for our preconceptions about alcohol in many forms, including the media, the people we drink with, and our internal rationalizations. Adages about drinking found hanging in so many households illustrate a confirmation bias. Some of my favorites are:
• It’s not drinking alone if the kids are home.
• We have too much wine, said no one ever.
• It’s not a hangover; it’s wine flu.
• I cook with wine; sometimes I even put it in the food.
• Wine! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad.
The kicker is that these beliefs have become so ingrained in our minds and our society, and so repeatedly self-sealed, that they are programmed into our unconscious. And our unconscious controls our emotions and our desires.
By definition the unconscious is not readily accessible or easily changed.
We need a specific process to dive into the foundation of our beliefs, examine them, and change our perceived reality.
So what happens when your experiences with alcohol start to contradict your bubble of self-sealing belief? Perhaps your experiences are no longer wholly positive, and you start to question your drinking. Or maybe you hear new information about the dangers of drinking.
Gray says that one of the ways we make sense of these new ideas that don’t fit with our current beliefs is to look for external validity. Can we take the new information and test it out to prove its merit? However, especially with alcohol, we often don’t make it that far. This is because the new information doesn’t have internal coherence— it doesn’t fit with what you “know” to be true. And because it is lacking in internal coherence, you will unconsciously reject it before you have a chance to consciously consider it. This happens all the time. We both consciously and unconsciously disregard information we don’t want to hear. And when we do this, we never have a chance to see if this new information is indeed true; we never move to test it against reality.
Why does this happen? Because we like certainty; it feels safe. Gray explains this unconscious behavior helps us deal with the realities of life, many of which are uncomfortable. It allows us to outsource some of the fear that attacks us when we confront certain truths. Reality is uncertain, and uncertainty causes fear. We try to protect ourselves from this fear by staying inside our bubble of belief until something happens that we cannot ignore. At that point we are forced to confront reality.
For me, it was one hangover too many, leaving me unable to function during the day as a result of my heavy drinking at night. I reached a point where I could no longer ignore the fact that alcohol was affecting my career and my relationships. This forced me to confront new information that said wine was not the joy juice I believed it to be.
But at this stage, attempting to drink less felt practically impossible. Why? I lived with a huge bubble of self-sealing belief around my drinking. I believed alcohol enhanced my creativity, made me funnier and more outgoing, allowed me to enjoy social situations, relieved my stress at the end of a long day, and comforted me when something went wrong. Giving up drinking felt like an incredible sacrifice, like the loss of a close friend. These were beliefs I had never previously questioned that had been built up over a lifetime of experiences, observations, assumptions, and conclusions.
I knew these beliefs to be true. I felt I would never be able to relax without a glass of wine. I honestly believed social situations would be boring and even depressing without alcohol. Even when I realized these beliefs were illogical, they still felt true because they were embedded in my unconscious and were much stronger than my logical, conscious reasoning. As Gray says, “construction of belief is not something we do consciously, it’s something we do unconsciously.”
In the illustration below you can see how everything shaded in below the line of our beliefs represents the things we are not consciously aware of.
So what can we do? How can we explore reality and change our unconscious belief that alcohol is the “elixir of life” to fit with our conscious desire to drink less? It’s relatively simple. We need to bring unconscious experiences, observations, assumptions, and conclusions into conscious thought. This allows your unconscious to change. The concept is scientifically proven—scientists now realize that the brain is able to change and adapt in response to new experiences, in a process called neuroplasticity.
The process of illuminating your unconscious foundation of belief will influence your unconscious mind. To do this, I will logically and critically provide you with information about alcohol and addiction. I will expose your beliefs, assumptions, and conclusions by presenting you with methodical, factual, and rational arguments for you to question and evaluate. You’ll be completely in control: I will strip away misinformation and present new concepts you have not yet critically considered. I will give you the tools to discover your own truth, your own reality, to understand that the rope you think you are holding might really be the tail of an elephant. Let’s get started.
Alcohol: The “Elixir of Life”?
Alcohol is addictive. This fact has been proven over and over again. It is the nature of the substance, and it doesn’t matter who you are or how in control you believe yourself to be. Your physical response when you drink alcohol is to want more. Alcohol hooks you through its addictive and dehydrating nature. Again, this is a physiological fact. Before you drank alcohol, you didn’t miss it; you didn’t think about it. You were happy and free.
If you’re having problems with alcohol, you’ve already realized alcohol is not a miracle elixir. You know it’s costing you money, health, friendships, and maybe even your marriage. Your conscious mind knows all of this. The problem is that your unconscious is continuously assaulted with messages about the “joy” it brings and the stress it relieves. These messages come from external sources, friends, family, and of course, advertising. These messages are confirmed by internal sources—your past experiences with alcohol. This book will address both.
Over the next day, notice how many messages you are exposed to about the “pleasures” and “benefits” of alcohol. Look around—from your friends to what you watch on television, almost everything in our society tells you, both consciously and unconsciously, that alcohol is the “elixir of life,” and without it your life would be missing a key ingredient.
The Twelfth Juror
“Truth rests with the minority . . . because the minority is generally formed by those who really have an opinion.” —Søren Kierkegaard
Alcoholism appears complex because it is misunderstood, not only by drinkers and their families but also by experts. We must see through these illusions. In short, we need to become detectives and lay bare the information, evaluate it, and discover the truth.
You may wonder, if common knowledge about alcohol and addiction is false, why do we believe it? How do we, as a society, accept untrue propositions as fact? Great questions. To answer them, let’s look at a jury deliberating in a trial. It’s a large jury with twelve jurors. Eleven of them are convinced of the defendant’s guilt and one believes in his innocence. Do we believe the eleven jurors or the one? For the single juror to detain an exhausted jury (the decision must be unanimous), he must be absolutely sure of his position. In fact, you could argue that he is more certain than the eleven. Going against the grain is not easy. He must see something the rest do not. Suppose the eleven are experts? How much firmer in his stance must that single juror be? It appears the one juror is considering a perspective the eleven are not.
One of my favorite authors, Terry Pratchett, famously said, “We must be able, at any time, to accept the fact that we could all be absolutely and utterly wrong.” It can be difficult to accept that the majority might be wrong, but it is a possibility we must entertain. It’s amazing how drinkers can be incredibly open-minded about many things, yet close-minded when it comes to alcohol. This is because of the compartmentalization that happens within the mind of any substance-addicted person. So keep your mind open.
Visualize Success!
You are now ready to suspend judgment. To explore your unconscious desire to drink, to understand the reasons why you drink. This is great, and if you are willing to be honest with yourself and look deep into your belief system, you will find success.
This Naked Mind will help you explore your unconscious—and therefore influence it—as you work through the book. This type of book encourages your mind to consider the information when you are not actually reading and even when you sleep. That being said, you can take certain steps to ensure success. You may notice repetition throughout the book. You’re a busy person and want me to cut to the chase. Rest assured, it is repetitive for a reason. For most of your life you have been repeatedly exposed to media, peer pressure, and many other influences. Repetition is vital to undoing a lifetime of ingrained beliefs. Despite the repetition, I’ve tried to make the content as interesting as possible.
Emotions and images—not necessarily images you see but images in your mind—comprise the language of your unconscious mind. When you experience emotions related to the content, you will speak more directly to your unconscious. Importantly, you should feel hopeful when reading this book. The theory is sound, and I’ve included the most up-to-date scientific, medical, and psychological information. It works. It will work for you. Concentrate on that, and be hopeful.
Visualizing success always helps. A growing body of research suggests our unconscious minds cannot actually tell the difference between a real experience and a vividly imagined fake experience.
So visualize success—like being incredibly happy, laughing, and having a great time out with friends while drinking lemonade. You can even spend a few minutes each morning and night imagining the life you want while feeling positive emotions. This inspires success.
Get excited about what the future holds. Cultivate feelings of success even before you are successful. You hold all the tools you need to regain control of your drinking. Begin to think about the power of your mind and the strength of your body. This is exciting! In fact regaining control of my life through This Naked Mind is one of the most exciting and life-affirming things that has happened to me. It can be the same for you.
Don’t dwell on past experiences. Your past is in the past. You have been caught, and through this book you will see that your alcohol problem is not your fault. Forgive yourself. You are the hero of this story. There is no reason to dwell on the negativity of the past and every reason to forgive yourself. Look forward to an incredible future.
Finally, relax! Let go of expectations, remain positive, and just let it happen. In Shawn Achor’s book The Happiness Advantage, he states, “positive emotions broaden our scope of cognition and behavior . . . they dial up the learning centers of our brains to higher levels. They help us organize new information, keep that information in the brain longer, and retrieve it faster later on. And they enable us to make and sustain more neural connections, which allows us to think more quickly . . . and see new ways of doing things.”
Do what you can to put yourself in a positive frame of mind while reading. There is so much to look forward to! Trust the approach, and more importantly, trust your unconscious to do the right thing for you. You can’t control or micromanage your unconscious. Worry and stress are conscious activities—don’t bother with them.
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Annie Grace
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Спорт, фитнес
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life‘Brilliant’ – Stella DuffyMillions of people worry that drinking is affecting their health, yet are unwilling to seek change because of the misery and stigma associated with alcoholism and recovery. They fear drinking less will be boring, difficult and involve deprivation, and significant lifestyle changes.This Naked Mind offers a new solution. Packed with surprising insight into the reasons we drink, it will open your eyes to the startling role of alcohol in our culture. Annie Grace brilliantly weaves psychological, neurological, cultural, social and industry factors with her extraordinarily candid journey resulting in a must read for anyone who drinks.This book, without scare tactics, pain or rules, gives you freedom from alcohol. By addressing causes rather than symptoms it is a permanent solution rather than lifetime struggle. It removes the psychological dependence allowing you to easily drink less (or stop drinking). Annie’s clarity, humor and unique ability to blend original research with riveting storytelling ensures you will thoroughly enjoy the process.In a world defined by ‘never enough’ Annie takes us on an intellectual journey through the world of alcohol and specifically the connection between alcohol and pleasure. She dispels the cultural myth that alcohol is a vital part of life and demonstrates how regaining control over alcohol is not only essential to personal happiness and fulfilment but also to ending the heartache experienced by millions as a result of second-hand drinking.Finally, with perfect clarity, this book opens the door to the life you have been waiting for.