Red At Night
Red At Night
Katie McGarry
Stella and Jonah are total opposites.She's the girl with purple hair from the wrong part of town. He hangs with the cool crowd. Until a car accident leaves him haunted by guilt, and Jonah starts spending time at Stella's favourite refuge…the local cemetery.Stella knows she should keep her distance—after all, she spent her girlhood being bullied by Jonah's friends. Once he's sorted out his tangled emotions, Jonah won't have time for her anymore. Too bad she's already fallen for him….
More Than Words:
Bestselling authors and real-life heroines
Every year, Harlequin’s More Than Words award is given to three real-life heroines, women whose courage and vision have helped change people’s lives for the better. Once again, three bestselling Harlequin authors have written stories inspired by these remarkable women.
In Red at Night, Stella and Jonah are total opposites. She’s the girl with purple hair from the wrong part of town. He’s a high school senior who hangs with the cool crowd. Until a car accident leaves him haunted by guilt, and Jonah starts spending time at Stella’s favorite refuge...the local cemetery.
Stella knows she should keep her distance—after all, she spent her girlhood being bullied by Jonah’s friends. Once he’s sorted out his tangled emotions, Jonah won’t have time for her anymore. Too bad she’s already fallen for him....
Look for all three ebooks inspired by real-life heroines: Red at Night by Katie McGarry, You Are Here by Liz Fichera and The Gift of a Good Start by Earl Sewell. Visit the Harlequin More Than Words website, at www.HarlequinMoreThanWords.com (http://www.HarlequinMoreThanWords.com), or your favorite ebook retailer to download these free novellas today.
Red at Night
More Than Words
Katie McGarry
Dear Reader,
For a decade, Harlequin has been a leader in supporting and bringing awareness to women’s charitable efforts. Through Harlequin More Than Words we have had the opportunity to celebrate and encourage women who are actively working to improve their communities. Each year we honor three women who have made extraordinary differences in the lives of others, and a donation of $45,000 is divided equally among their charitable causes.
We are also pleased to spotlight the current Harlequin More Than Words recipients by enlisting three talented Harlequin authors who have written fictional stories inspired by these remarkable women and the charities they support. All three ebooks—Katie McGarry’s Red at Night, Liz Fichera’s You Are Here and Earl Sewell’s The Gift of a Good Start—are free to download at HarlequinMoreThanWords.com (http://www.HarlequinMoreThanWords.com) and other e-tailers.
In addition, More Than Words: Acts of Kindness brings together three of the most popular More Than Words stories by three bestselling authors for the first time. Whispers of the Heart by Brenda Jackson, It’s Not About the Dress by Stephanie Bond and The Princess Shoes by Maureen Child will be available at Harlequin.com (http://www.Harlequin.com) or on the shelves of your favorite bookstore in March 2014.
All six of these stories are beautiful tributes to current and past Harlequin More Than Words recipients, and we hope they will inspire the real-life heroine in you.
For more information on how you can get involved, please visit our website at HarlequinMoreThanWords.com (http://www.HarlequinMoreThanWords.com).
Together we can build strong communities!
Sincerely,
Loriana Sacilotto
Executive Vice President, Editorial
Harlequin Enterprises Ltd.
Goodie Two Shoes Foundation
Name: Nikki Berti
Hometown: Las Vegas, Nevada
Recipient’s Related Charity: Goodie Two Shoes Foundation (GTSF)
Website: www.GoodieTwoShoes.org (http://www.GoodieTwoShoes.org)
How Nikki inspires others:
Growing up with a small-town, middle-class background, Nikki Berti had never been exposed to real poverty until she and her husband, Tony—then an NFL player with the San Diego Chargers—participated in a program run by his team that enabled children in need to choose their own shoes from a retail store. The couple was so moved by the experience that, following Tony’s retirement, they decided to set up a similar but more extensive program in Las Vegas.
Today, Goodie Two Shoes Foundation outfits ten thousand children every year in southern Nevada. Two to three times a month, GTSF brings in seventy volunteers to assist 400 children in need in selecting any pair of shoes they want (all brand-new, boxed and tagged) from a huge mobile shoe store on wheels. Allowing children to choose from a large selection prevents any stigmatization.
Nikki stresses the impact that choosing new shoes can have on a child. Owning a new pair of properly fitting shoes can boost a child’s self-esteem immeasurably by reducing instances of being bullied and by enabling participation in physical education. Nikki believes that with greater self-confidence, kids make positive choices in other areas of their lives, such as school attendance and homework.
As the only nonprofit model of its kind in the United States, GTSF is unique in the service it provides to children in need. While understanding the importance of maintaining its high standards as a regional organization, Nikki also foresees a day when GTSF could help children all over the country.
About the Author
Katie McGarry was a teenager during the age of grunge and boy bands, and she remembers those years as the best and worst of her life. She is a lover of music, happy endings and reality television and is a secret University of Kentucky basketball fan. She is also the author of Pushing the Limits, Dare You To, Crash Into You, Take Me On and the novella Crossing the Line.
Katie loves to hear from her readers. Contact her via her website, www.katielmcgarry.com (http://www.katielmcgarry.com), follow her on Twitter, @KatieMcGarry (https://twitter.com/KatieMcGarry), or become a fan on Facebook and Goodreads.
Dedication
For Nikki Berti and the Goodie Two Shoes Foundation. Thank you for your generosity and for making such a profound impact on the lives of so many children.
To God—Galatians 5:13–14
Contents
Chapter 1 (#u609da07e-9de8-5aba-9d3c-57cfc98e0fbe)
Chapter 2 (#ub0b59fa0-c738-55c9-a03d-e6534f150241)
Chapter 3 (#ua0806d90-4bd7-5213-8f3a-6bc0ef8ae6f1)
Chapter 4 (#u8e7da03f-11bf-5a56-8ca5-225d123291ae)
Chapter 5 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 6 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 7 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 8 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 24 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 25 (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Stella
I like cemeteries. They’re quiet, well-groomed, and overall possibly the safest place in the city. I can talk all I want, and the company doesn’t talk back. At least for now. Someday, as Joss often reminds me, the pathetic remains of my sanity will crack and she’ll find me conversing with crows while I try to convince her that the dead souls that inhabit the black-feathered bodies are real and are warning us of an impending apocalypse.
For kicks, I like to flutter my eyelashes and tell her it’s really the blue jays she needs to worry about.
I brush the dried leaves off the grave marker. It’s one of the cheaper ones, made of gray stone and buried flat against the ground. If it weren’t for people like me, these spots would be overwhelmed with grass, scattered brush and dust. They’d become, like me, forgotten.
“Do you think she wanted more?” I fall back onto my bottom and wrap my arms around my bare knees, as my jean cutoffs were “cut off” a little too short, thanks to Joss. She’s all about skin and believes everyone else should be, too.
The boy six spots down from me is still absorbed in the fairly new grave, his hands shoved into his pockets. He’s got to be roasting in his jeans and dark blue T-shirt. The September sun can be brutal to those who are unprepared. It’s how I found Lydia. Thanks to the towering tree, her stone has shade.
“I said, do you think she wanted more?” I repeat. It’s the third time he’s been here this past week. The tenth time in a month. That type of behavior signals serious grief issues, and that’s not healthy. And on the selfish side, he’s cramping my alone time. “Her name was Lydia. She was twenty-four when she died and she has a flat grave marker. Did she like understated or was this chosen for her?”
He’s sluggish turning his head. Sort of like he’s in one of those action flicks that thinks it’s emo and cool to slo-mo the flying bullets. “What?”
“I like Lydia’s grave. Actually, I just like Lydia. Year after year, dandelions pop up around her marker, even when they spray for weeds. I believe it means she was sweet.”
No response, but he’s still gaping at me. It could be because of my violet hair and not because he’s questioning his reality. There’s not a person on the planet who doesn’t look at another human in a cemetery and wonder for a split second: Is that a ghost?
I normally don’t talk to the newbies. They usually visit in the first two weeks after the burial and then drop off the face of the planet. The seriously grieving continue to visit once or twice a month, but they eventually also move on. Then you have men like Rick who visit daily, waiting until he can be buried alongside the woman he loves.
This kid is my age—high school, maybe lower college. It’s hard to tell with the curved-in lid of his baseball cap hiding a good portion of his face. The black Charger he drives says he’s bankrolled, so he’s either already on the way or is currently college material. Overall, too young to be mourning like Rick.
But then again, I shouldn’t judge. That is, after all, my pet peeve.
There’s a slight chance that this guy could be a freak like me who doesn’t know a person buried here and, if so, it’d be nice to finally have a kindred spirit. I get tired of being alone. “My grandma used to pick dandelions and rub them under my chin and if my skin turned yellow it meant I was nice.”
On the other side of the cemetery, an industrial mower springs to life and happily hums. I pick the largest dandelion of the bunch and hold it out to him. “Come here.”
“Why?”
I shrug. “Because if you don’t you’re going to go home and be ticked because you should have.”
It’s a clear day. Bright blue sky with an occasional fluffy cloud. He takes a particular interest in one that resembles a duck. Obviously he’s going to need more coaxing. “We’re surrounded by a couple hundred dead people. Think there’s someone here who left regret-free? Take a risk and come here. Or are you scared the dandelion will tell on you?”
“Tell what?” He angles himself in my direction now, and I like what I see of his sweet build. He readjusts his baseball cap to expose freshly cut light brown hair, and there’s a sharp ache in my chest when I meet his blue eyes.
I know him. Rather, I know his friends. I also know what he’s going to say about me at school tomorrow and that once he recognizes me he’ll be out of here like a hearse after a funeral.
But his eyes possess the same sadness as old man Rick’s and I have a choice: I can be like this kid and his friends or I can be better...I can be more. That decision is often why I’m here, and if Lydia’s taught me anything it’s that life can be short.
Inhaling deeply, I twirl the flower in my hand, knowing tomorrow I’ll regret this. “Come here and find out.”
Jonah
The keys in my pocket dig into my skin as I grip them. I should go. Leave. I’ve got no business being here, but no matter how I try to continue forward I end up going backward and returning to this grave.
I glance down at James Cohen. Which is it, dude? Would you have gone home or would you have taken a chance and talked to the crazy girl?
“The dandelion is calling your name. Can’t you hear it?” She rests her wrists on her bent knees and flicks the yellow weed back and forth in her hand like a pendulum, then switches her tone. “Hey you, guy over there...come here.”
Her mock dandelion voice is seductive. “You know you want to.”
Because I have no idea how to say no to a talking flower, I walk over and drop to the ground next to her in the shade and I swear the temperature drops twenty degrees. “You look familiar.”
“No, I don’t.”
She has chin-length purple hair that curls in. A fake red rose barrette pulls up one side of her hair and something nags at me like a bad memory stuck in déjà vu mode. I’ve seen her before, only I can’t figure out where. “Yeah, I know you.”
“No, you don’t.” She moves her jaw, exposing her neck. “Put your chin up so I can see if you’re nice.”
“Are you saying we’ve never met?”
“I’m saying put your chin up. Do you make everything complicated or is it just with strangers in cemeteries?”
She’s a petite thing. Very feminine in a white tank and cut-off jeans, but she possesses a commanding presence, bordering on hypnotic. Why I’m doing this, I don’t know, yet I lift my jaw and jerk when she tickles my skin with the flower. She lowers it then pinches her lips.
“Well?” I ask.
“The dandelion says you’ll live a long life, your lucky number is seventeen, and the way to say cat in Chinese is mao.”
“Says all that, does it?”
“Dandelions never lie.” She wildly gestures to the area near her neck. “You should wash before you go anywhere. You’ve got yellow underneath. So, what do you think, is Lydia the understated type or did her husband run off with the money from the insurance policy?”
“What’s your name?”
“Not Lydia. Answer the question.”
Out of all those in the area we’re in, this is the simplest tombstone. Gray stone. Black lettering stating Lydia’s name, birthdate and the day she died. Nothing else. No loving mother, sister or friend. No angel wings or harps or flowers drawn in for effect.
Not-Lydia reaches over and tears out the grass encroaching on the marker. It’s not an irritated motion, but it’s done with enough care that it finally feels weird to be at the cemetery by the grave of someone I had no relationship with. This place should be for those who want to remember. Maybe now I’ll stop coming. “Who was Lydia to you?”
“Didn’t know her.”
My head whips in her direction. “What?”
“Didn’t. Know. Her.”
My insides completely bottom out. This girl had given me a reason to stay away and now it’s gone.
“Answer the question,” she prods.
James Cohen has the word beloved underneath his name and his marker is upright, standing easily two feet in the air. His picture is engraved on it and his image is nothing like the memory of him burned into my brain.
There’s a stark loneliness to Lydia’s stone that I wouldn’t have noticed before James Cohen. “It wasn’t her choice.”
“I agree,” she says in a small voice. “Lydia would have wanted more.”
We’re silent and the wind rustles through the leaves above us. School starts tomorrow. The first day of my senior year. I had plans for how this year was supposed to turn out, but the death of a complete stranger changed me and I don’t like it. I pray nightly that my life will return to exactly how it was before.
“Who did you lose?” She circles the conversation back to me.
This guy haunts me. To the point where I’m starting to believe that ghosts do exist. “Someone.” Someone I didn’t know.
She nods like I told her something deep. “Yeah. That sucks. You know, they wouldn’t want you to grieve like this. They’d want you to move on. Live and let live and all that.”
And all that. I chuckle and dip my head, yanking down the bill of my cap. I have no idea what James Cohen would have wanted. Not a clue. “Why are you here?”
She twirls the flower. “I like dandelions.”
“For real. Who’d you lose?”
“No one here.” She meets my eyes and I’m drawn in. They’re gray—a color I’ve never seen before on a girl. This is crazy. I know her somehow and it’s like an itch in my brain that I can’t scratch because I can’t peg her. How could I forget someone so strikingly gorgeous?
A car honks and a woman slips out the driver’s side of the beat-up, multitoned, two-door piece of crap. She’s a thin bleached blonde about my older sister’s age, except this lady doesn’t scream stay-at-home mom with two kids.
“Stella!” she yells. “Let’s go, girl.”
Stella. This is Stella. How could I frigging forget Stella? “I do know you. We go to school together. In third grade, you sat beside me and Cooper Higgins and...”
Her spine visibly straightens. “You were saying?”
...and Cooper Higgins called her Trash Can Girl. I mumble a curse and wonder how I can somehow rewind the conversation. I meet the one person who’s been able to block the images of blood pumping out of an artery and I almost call her trash. Slick, moron. Real slick.
Stella stands and brushes off the dirt from her butt. “See you at school tomorrow, Jonah. Or maybe I won’t since I’m so memorable.”
She knew who I was the entire time. The black sludge inhabiting my veins forms fingers and grips my soul. I had this feeling a few times before in my life—before James Cohen.
One of them was when I spotted Stella crying underneath the slide on the playground in third grade. I told myself she wasn’t crying because Cooper had made fun of her clothes and because I had laughed at his joke, but deep down I knew I was wrong. And as I was back then, I’m paralyzed as to how to atone for it.
Stella eases into the passenger side of the car and I wait, hoping she’ll look once in my direction. The car vibrates as it turns right onto the narrow road, and Stella keeps staring straight ahead.
When am I ever going to learn? Or change? Or...I hate this. I snap off my baseball cap and cram my fingers into my hair. The ground beneath me feels unstable and I’m tired of walking on sinking sand. Why did everything have to change?
Stella
Careful to avoid the fifth step of the outdoor metal staircase, I hop onto the sixth step, and rust sprinkles to the blacktop below. Joss walks in front of me and she’s slow going up the steps because she’s doing that stupid hip sway to catch the eye of the guy who lives in the apartment below her. The sad part is, he’s watching, but I don’t think he’s the kind of guy she should aim for.
“He doesn’t have a job,” I tell her when she reaches the second-floor walk and stops the stupid butt roll.
“You don’t know that. He could be a superstar living off residual checks.” Joss slides the key into the lock of her apartment door, but it’s a meaningless gesture since the lock broke last month and the door will open with the slightest push. We both agreed to continue with the show of unlocking and locking for security reasons. “There are many theories as to why he’s always home.”
“Like he sells crack?” I mumble under my breath.
“Heard that,” she sings. Joss nudges the door open and struts into her one-bedroom apartment. “Anyway, he doesn’t have enough class for crack. I’m leaning toward meth.”
“My mistake. I get the dealer’s social classes mixed up.”
Joss laughs and begins to root through the cupboards, pulling out boxes of crackers and Pop-Tarts to assess expiration dates. “Hungry for dinner?”
“Sure.”
It’s a tiny place that’s five code violations beyond being condemned. Last year, the stupid landlord painted the lone window shut, making our little ant trap a fire hazard. The living room slash kitchen is the same size as most walk-in closets and the only bedroom barely fits a twin-size bed. My knees hit the sink when I sit on the toilet, but unlike the other units, Joss keeps the space homey thanks to her fascination with carousels. She’s found several paintings of them at yard sales.
“I talked to that guy at the car dealership today,” says Joss. “He said if you can enter that co-op program at school that he’d get you on part-time during the day and then you can have a full-time job as soon as you graduate.”
“Awesome.” Though internally the awesomeness of it is lost on me. It’s as if someone’s wrapped a plastic bag over my head and air is no longer a privilege. “Thanks for setting it up.”
“No problem.” Joss pitches a box of crackers into the garbage. “A girl’s gotta work.”
“Yep.” It wasn’t until this moment that I realized I was buying into that college crap the guidance counselors cram down our throats.
I plop onto the gray couch and dust scatters into the air along with the scent of mildew. Joss and I salvaged this fine piece of furniture near the dumpster on eviction day last month. I bet the great Jonah Jacobson doesn’t smell mildew when he lounges on his couch. He and his little group of friends have tortured me since elementary school and I hate them for it.
Well, not exactly Jonah, but more his friends. They tell jokes with me as the punch line and I’ve seen him laugh...and sometimes not laugh. No one’s tormented me since last year—the same time that Jonah shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked the ground when Cooper asked if I bought my jeans at a sale at Goodwill.
I flipped Cooper off and told him that I heard his girlfriend was cheating on him. Which it turns out was true.
Even though Jonah didn’t laugh, he’s as bad as everyone else. He never tells anyone to back off. The weird part is, for about five minutes today, I almost felt like I made a friend. “Do you think people can change?”
“No.” Joss opens a box of wannabe Frosted Flakes. “That’s why I’m throwing my business around for the jerk downstairs. Your daddy is going to be around soon.”
My head snaps up and my heart squeezes to the point of pain. “You heard from my dad?”
Joss points a newly painted fingernail at me. She may not have money for a better apartment, but she does pay for manicures. Guys, she says, notice those things. “Nope. Don’t do it, Stella. Don’t go getting sentimental over the man. He abandoned you...again.”
It’s the again that stings. My dad, he’s the only thing besides Joss I’ve got, and I’m not a moron about why Joss lets me stay. We both suffer from the same delusional issue: we love a man who doesn’t or can’t or is unable to love us the same way in return. Joss keeps me around because if I’m here, Dad will eventually roll into town and into her life.
“So...” I take a deep breath then hedge, “Dad’s coming back?”
“I hear hope,” says Joss. “Kill it and kill it now. Hope is a deadly snake with fangs of poison.”
“How literary,” I reply.
The evil glare she throws me shuts me up. “I mean what I said, but yes, your dad called me at the club last night and said he’s heading back.”
I bite my bottom lip, not wanting to ask, and yet I do. “Did he ask about me?”
One heartbeat goes by. Another. Each one is like a shard of glass ripping through my chest.
“Yes,” she finally answers. “And he’s called a couple of times over the past few months to make sure I’m still giving you a place to crash, but this is the first time he said he’s returning. But it could mean nothing. He could have sobered up and forgotten he called.”
A large rush of air escapes from my mouth. He’s been gone six months this time. Maybe the next time he won’t be away as long. Where he goes or what he does when he leaves, I’ll probably never know...or want to know. Sometimes he returns looking like he barely escaped the grim reaper. The last time, he detoxed from something so bad that he shook for two out of the three weeks he was home.
The expression on Joss’s face mirrors my balled-up and twisted insides, so I kind of change the subject. “What’s my dad coming back have to do with the male crack whore downstairs?”
“Here.” Joss drops into the spot beside me and offers me the box of cereal. “It’s only a month past expiration.”
I take the box, but I’ve lost my appetite. She tosses a few flakes into her mouth and when she’s done crunching she looks at me. “If I don’t find another guy to hold my hand when your dad shows, he and I will end up in the exact same position as before and I don’t think that’s a good place to be.”
Meaning they’ll fall completely tangled together in that twin bed and then she’ll end up in there alone crying her eyes out when he leaves again. Joss is in her late twenties and Dad’s in his mid-thirties, but together they add up to a mess.
My throat constricts. “Do you want me to leave?”
Because if I’m gone, he won’t stay here. He’ll find me...and a new girlfriend to con. But the scary part is, if Joss kicks me out, I’ll have run out of suitable ex-girlfriends. They’d probably let me crash if I showed, but I value my life and some of those places have the ingredients for the headlining story on the eleven o’clock news. My only hope for a stable home lies in Joss’s stubborn feelings for my deadbeat dad.
Lines form on Joss’s forehead. “No. I want him to come back. Maybe this time he’ll stay.”
He won’t. He never has, but I keep that to myself.
Joss’s brown eyes stare straight into mine. “Don’t become me, Stella. Don’t you dare ever hope for more. There’s no such thing as living happily ever after or pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. The world is how it is and there always has to be bottom-feeders. People like you and me, we’re it, and the world might want us to believe we can have more, but the moment we try to break out of the water they’ll shove us down into the mud. It’s better to know the truth. It hurts less if you accept society’s crappy rules.”
I start school tomorrow. Graduate in the spring. Joss may be older than me, but I’ve lived this type of life longer. Yet even with all the years of experience, deep down inside, I’ve hoped to become more. “Sounds a little pessimistic.”
“No, not pessimistic. Realistic.”
Jonah
There’s a spot saved for me in the driveway outside the two-car garage, but what makes me circle the block for the fifth time are the four cars parked on the street in front of my house.
Being obsessed with new houses, my parents built this place three years ago. We’ve moved six times in the past seventeen years. My parents stick to the same area of town, sometimes a few miles from where we lived before, but it’s always newer and bigger.
What I never noticed before today is how the houses in this neighborhood are clones: red bricks, black roofs, large windows on the first and second stories, and columned porches. Baffles me that I never paid attention before or that anyone would spend so much on the unoriginal.
Thanks, James Cohen. Once again, the world as I know it has changed.
I round the corner again. My house comes into view and so does my younger sister, Martha. In a blue sundress, with her brown hair styled as if she’s on the way to prom, she waits next to the brick mailbox by the street. If she’s dressed up that means bad news for me.
By the other three cars, I knew Todd, Jeff and Brad were here, but I’d assumed that the missing Camaro equaled a missing Cooper. The fourth car’s a mystery, but it could be anyone: a friend of Mom’s, a business associate of Dad’s, but my sister’s choice in clothing suggests Cooper’s in the house and she needs me in order to have the courage to stand near him.
Gripping the steering wheel tighter than I should, I ease into the driveway and turn off the engine. Home sweet home. Until Mom decides to move again.
I exit the car, and Martha’s in my grill before I can shut the driver’s side door. “Where have you been?”
“Driving.” It’s better than telling the truth, that I visited the cemetery again. Not a good answer when everyone’s in the dark about me visiting at all.
“Well, Mom texted you and so did I. Why are you ignoring us?”
Crap. My phone. I pull it out of my pocket and power it on. Sure enough, the message icon pops onto the screen. “Sorry. I must have turned it off by mistake.”
Not a mistake. I crave silence, not Mom asking if I need anything for the millionth time.
Martha focuses on the ground and does that thing with her toe that shows she’s nervous—like she’s squishing an ant with her foot. “Cooper’s here.”
She’s barely sixteen and he’s eighteen. She’s bright-eyed and innocent and he’s Cooper. I’d shatter his face with my fist if he asked her out or if he mistakenly dreamed of touching her like he’s touched half the girls in school. For some reason, I force a smile instead of letting the angry thoughts tumble out of my mouth.
“Why is he here?” I nod to the other cars. “Why are any of them here?”
Martha’s glare would set tropical rainforests on fire. “Cooper’s your friend.”
“Yeah, he is, and so are the rest of them. Last I checked, I wasn’t home and I didn’t invite them over.”
Her anger washes away. “We’re all worried about you. You aren’t acting right.”
The muscles in my back cramp. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not. Even Cooper said it.”
That stops me short. “When were you talking to Cooper?”
Martha’s cheeks redden. “I don’t know. A week or so after the accident. He called looking for you and like always these days, you weren’t home so we talked...about you.”
I step forward and tower over her. “You don’t need to be talking to Cooper.”
“He’s your friend,” she hisses with venom.
For the second time today, I wonder why I’m his friend. The guy treats girls like toilet paper and he should know better than to creep on my sister.
“You don’t smile like you mean it anymore,” she continues. “You’re quiet and you don’t go out with anyone. He’s worried about you and so am I. I mean, you never invite your friends over anymore.”
“Who are you really concerned for, me or you?”
Pain slashes across her face and I immediately regret the statement. What the hell is wrong with me? “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“But you did,” she whispers. After a few blinks, she lifts her chin and stares at me like she wishes I didn’t matter. For a few seconds, I wish the same thing. It wasn’t my goal to hurt her.
“Mom invited them over for dinner,” she says. “She thought it would cheer you up.”
Martha’s starter heels click against the stone driveway as she pivots away from me and heads for the house. She tried wearing real heels last spring and tripped over her own feet and into a coffee table in front of my friends. They laughed. She cried. I did nothing.
“You’re too good for him,” I call out.
My sister trembles like she’s on the verge of a seizure before she turns around. “What are you talking about?”
I don’t know. What is my deal today with not keeping my mouth shut? Martha’s crushed on Cooper since we were young, and I’ve ignored it, but seeing Stella...seeing James Cohen’s grave again...I bet he would have been the kind of guy who protected his sister.
I force myself to join Martha. Her eyes plead with me to give her hope, causing my shoulders to roll forward as I smash my hands into my pockets. Who am I to step in? It’s her life, right? “No one’s going to be good enough for you.”
This light forms in Martha’s eyes and air rushes out of my lungs when she rams her body into mine, both arms glued around me. “I love you, Jonah.”
I still, and I don’t like the surge of guilt crawling into my bloodstream. She tells me she loves me while I say nothing about her standing in front of an oncoming train because she’s worshipping the worst guy at school.
This affection thing—Martha and I don’t do it. Screw that. I don’t do affection with anyone. Girls I used to date would get pissed because I wouldn’t hug or kiss them in public. Even Mom and Dad have caught on that I won’t hold hands during prayers at church.
I lay my fingers on her shoulder to try to detach her from me, but she squeezes tighter.
“When the police showed at the house that night and said there had been an accident, I freaked. I thought...” her voice breaks. “I thought they were coming to tell us you were dead and I didn’t want that. I realized I didn’t want that.”
My eyes slam shut. I didn’t die that night. James Cohen did and somewhere he probably has a sister who can’t hug him. He’d hug her. Maybe he wasn’t the kind of guy who did before, but if he was here, he would now.
I wrap one arm around her and awkwardly hug her back. We’ve never done this before and while I should be grateful for it, I’m ready to be done.
I clear my throat. “Let’s go eat.”
We enter the kitchen through the garage and sweat breaks out along my hairline at the amount of people in the kitchen. I don’t usually have this type of reaction and I rub at my neck in an effort to force it away.
It’s my parents and my friends. More than Todd, Jeff, Brad and Cooper. Other guys I’ve hung with over the years are here, too. A couple of guys from Todd’s basketball team. A couple from Jeff’s football team. A few girls are mixed in. Some are girlfriends of the guys. Some people I’ve known since kindergarten. Crap—two exes skulk along the periphery. All of them are people I have spent time with, but not people I prefer to see today.
Or even tomorrow.
My mind jumps back to Stella, the cemetery and the brief few minutes of peace I had while sitting under the shade tree next to a dead girl named Lydia. I’d give everything to have those moments now.
Martha grabs my hand and shoots me a weird look, possibly because of the clammy condition of my skin. Instead of acknowledging it, she smiles and announces to the crowd, “He’s here!”
And they clap. All of them. Some shout my name. I step back and a hand slamming onto my shoulder blade keeps me from withdrawing into the garage. I spot Dad behind me. He’s the older spitting image of me, and he’s smiling from ear to ear. He pats me on the shoulder again. “You should have told us.”
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Katie McGarry
Stella and Jonah are total opposites.She's the girl with purple hair from the wrong part of town. He hangs with the cool crowd. Until a car accident leaves him haunted by guilt, and Jonah starts spending time at Stella's favourite refuge…the local cemetery.Stella knows she should keep her distance—after all, she spent her girlhood being bullied by Jonah's friends. Once he's sorted out his tangled emotions, Jonah won't have time for her anymore. Too bad she's already fallen for him….
More Than Words:
Bestselling authors and real-life heroines
Every year, Harlequin’s More Than Words award is given to three real-life heroines, women whose courage and vision have helped change people’s lives for the better. Once again, three bestselling Harlequin authors have written stories inspired by these remarkable women.
In Red at Night, Stella and Jonah are total opposites. She’s the girl with purple hair from the wrong part of town. He’s a high school senior who hangs with the cool crowd. Until a car accident leaves him haunted by guilt, and Jonah starts spending time at Stella’s favorite refuge...the local cemetery.
Stella knows she should keep her distance—after all, she spent her girlhood being bullied by Jonah’s friends. Once he’s sorted out his tangled emotions, Jonah won’t have time for her anymore. Too bad she’s already fallen for him....
Look for all three ebooks inspired by real-life heroines: Red at Night by Katie McGarry, You Are Here by Liz Fichera and The Gift of a Good Start by Earl Sewell. Visit the Harlequin More Than Words website, at www.HarlequinMoreThanWords.com (http://www.HarlequinMoreThanWords.com), or your favorite ebook retailer to download these free novellas today.
Red at Night
More Than Words
Katie McGarry
Dear Reader,
For a decade, Harlequin has been a leader in supporting and bringing awareness to women’s charitable efforts. Through Harlequin More Than Words we have had the opportunity to celebrate and encourage women who are actively working to improve their communities. Each year we honor three women who have made extraordinary differences in the lives of others, and a donation of $45,000 is divided equally among their charitable causes.
We are also pleased to spotlight the current Harlequin More Than Words recipients by enlisting three talented Harlequin authors who have written fictional stories inspired by these remarkable women and the charities they support. All three ebooks—Katie McGarry’s Red at Night, Liz Fichera’s You Are Here and Earl Sewell’s The Gift of a Good Start—are free to download at HarlequinMoreThanWords.com (http://www.HarlequinMoreThanWords.com) and other e-tailers.
In addition, More Than Words: Acts of Kindness brings together three of the most popular More Than Words stories by three bestselling authors for the first time. Whispers of the Heart by Brenda Jackson, It’s Not About the Dress by Stephanie Bond and The Princess Shoes by Maureen Child will be available at Harlequin.com (http://www.Harlequin.com) or on the shelves of your favorite bookstore in March 2014.
All six of these stories are beautiful tributes to current and past Harlequin More Than Words recipients, and we hope they will inspire the real-life heroine in you.
For more information on how you can get involved, please visit our website at HarlequinMoreThanWords.com (http://www.HarlequinMoreThanWords.com).
Together we can build strong communities!
Sincerely,
Loriana Sacilotto
Executive Vice President, Editorial
Harlequin Enterprises Ltd.
Goodie Two Shoes Foundation
Name: Nikki Berti
Hometown: Las Vegas, Nevada
Recipient’s Related Charity: Goodie Two Shoes Foundation (GTSF)
Website: www.GoodieTwoShoes.org (http://www.GoodieTwoShoes.org)
How Nikki inspires others:
Growing up with a small-town, middle-class background, Nikki Berti had never been exposed to real poverty until she and her husband, Tony—then an NFL player with the San Diego Chargers—participated in a program run by his team that enabled children in need to choose their own shoes from a retail store. The couple was so moved by the experience that, following Tony’s retirement, they decided to set up a similar but more extensive program in Las Vegas.
Today, Goodie Two Shoes Foundation outfits ten thousand children every year in southern Nevada. Two to three times a month, GTSF brings in seventy volunteers to assist 400 children in need in selecting any pair of shoes they want (all brand-new, boxed and tagged) from a huge mobile shoe store on wheels. Allowing children to choose from a large selection prevents any stigmatization.
Nikki stresses the impact that choosing new shoes can have on a child. Owning a new pair of properly fitting shoes can boost a child’s self-esteem immeasurably by reducing instances of being bullied and by enabling participation in physical education. Nikki believes that with greater self-confidence, kids make positive choices in other areas of their lives, such as school attendance and homework.
As the only nonprofit model of its kind in the United States, GTSF is unique in the service it provides to children in need. While understanding the importance of maintaining its high standards as a regional organization, Nikki also foresees a day when GTSF could help children all over the country.
About the Author
Katie McGarry was a teenager during the age of grunge and boy bands, and she remembers those years as the best and worst of her life. She is a lover of music, happy endings and reality television and is a secret University of Kentucky basketball fan. She is also the author of Pushing the Limits, Dare You To, Crash Into You, Take Me On and the novella Crossing the Line.
Katie loves to hear from her readers. Contact her via her website, www.katielmcgarry.com (http://www.katielmcgarry.com), follow her on Twitter, @KatieMcGarry (https://twitter.com/KatieMcGarry), or become a fan on Facebook and Goodreads.
Dedication
For Nikki Berti and the Goodie Two Shoes Foundation. Thank you for your generosity and for making such a profound impact on the lives of so many children.
To God—Galatians 5:13–14
Contents
Chapter 1 (#u609da07e-9de8-5aba-9d3c-57cfc98e0fbe)
Chapter 2 (#ub0b59fa0-c738-55c9-a03d-e6534f150241)
Chapter 3 (#ua0806d90-4bd7-5213-8f3a-6bc0ef8ae6f1)
Chapter 4 (#u8e7da03f-11bf-5a56-8ca5-225d123291ae)
Chapter 5 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 6 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 7 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 8 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 24 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 25 (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Stella
I like cemeteries. They’re quiet, well-groomed, and overall possibly the safest place in the city. I can talk all I want, and the company doesn’t talk back. At least for now. Someday, as Joss often reminds me, the pathetic remains of my sanity will crack and she’ll find me conversing with crows while I try to convince her that the dead souls that inhabit the black-feathered bodies are real and are warning us of an impending apocalypse.
For kicks, I like to flutter my eyelashes and tell her it’s really the blue jays she needs to worry about.
I brush the dried leaves off the grave marker. It’s one of the cheaper ones, made of gray stone and buried flat against the ground. If it weren’t for people like me, these spots would be overwhelmed with grass, scattered brush and dust. They’d become, like me, forgotten.
“Do you think she wanted more?” I fall back onto my bottom and wrap my arms around my bare knees, as my jean cutoffs were “cut off” a little too short, thanks to Joss. She’s all about skin and believes everyone else should be, too.
The boy six spots down from me is still absorbed in the fairly new grave, his hands shoved into his pockets. He’s got to be roasting in his jeans and dark blue T-shirt. The September sun can be brutal to those who are unprepared. It’s how I found Lydia. Thanks to the towering tree, her stone has shade.
“I said, do you think she wanted more?” I repeat. It’s the third time he’s been here this past week. The tenth time in a month. That type of behavior signals serious grief issues, and that’s not healthy. And on the selfish side, he’s cramping my alone time. “Her name was Lydia. She was twenty-four when she died and she has a flat grave marker. Did she like understated or was this chosen for her?”
He’s sluggish turning his head. Sort of like he’s in one of those action flicks that thinks it’s emo and cool to slo-mo the flying bullets. “What?”
“I like Lydia’s grave. Actually, I just like Lydia. Year after year, dandelions pop up around her marker, even when they spray for weeds. I believe it means she was sweet.”
No response, but he’s still gaping at me. It could be because of my violet hair and not because he’s questioning his reality. There’s not a person on the planet who doesn’t look at another human in a cemetery and wonder for a split second: Is that a ghost?
I normally don’t talk to the newbies. They usually visit in the first two weeks after the burial and then drop off the face of the planet. The seriously grieving continue to visit once or twice a month, but they eventually also move on. Then you have men like Rick who visit daily, waiting until he can be buried alongside the woman he loves.
This kid is my age—high school, maybe lower college. It’s hard to tell with the curved-in lid of his baseball cap hiding a good portion of his face. The black Charger he drives says he’s bankrolled, so he’s either already on the way or is currently college material. Overall, too young to be mourning like Rick.
But then again, I shouldn’t judge. That is, after all, my pet peeve.
There’s a slight chance that this guy could be a freak like me who doesn’t know a person buried here and, if so, it’d be nice to finally have a kindred spirit. I get tired of being alone. “My grandma used to pick dandelions and rub them under my chin and if my skin turned yellow it meant I was nice.”
On the other side of the cemetery, an industrial mower springs to life and happily hums. I pick the largest dandelion of the bunch and hold it out to him. “Come here.”
“Why?”
I shrug. “Because if you don’t you’re going to go home and be ticked because you should have.”
It’s a clear day. Bright blue sky with an occasional fluffy cloud. He takes a particular interest in one that resembles a duck. Obviously he’s going to need more coaxing. “We’re surrounded by a couple hundred dead people. Think there’s someone here who left regret-free? Take a risk and come here. Or are you scared the dandelion will tell on you?”
“Tell what?” He angles himself in my direction now, and I like what I see of his sweet build. He readjusts his baseball cap to expose freshly cut light brown hair, and there’s a sharp ache in my chest when I meet his blue eyes.
I know him. Rather, I know his friends. I also know what he’s going to say about me at school tomorrow and that once he recognizes me he’ll be out of here like a hearse after a funeral.
But his eyes possess the same sadness as old man Rick’s and I have a choice: I can be like this kid and his friends or I can be better...I can be more. That decision is often why I’m here, and if Lydia’s taught me anything it’s that life can be short.
Inhaling deeply, I twirl the flower in my hand, knowing tomorrow I’ll regret this. “Come here and find out.”
Jonah
The keys in my pocket dig into my skin as I grip them. I should go. Leave. I’ve got no business being here, but no matter how I try to continue forward I end up going backward and returning to this grave.
I glance down at James Cohen. Which is it, dude? Would you have gone home or would you have taken a chance and talked to the crazy girl?
“The dandelion is calling your name. Can’t you hear it?” She rests her wrists on her bent knees and flicks the yellow weed back and forth in her hand like a pendulum, then switches her tone. “Hey you, guy over there...come here.”
Her mock dandelion voice is seductive. “You know you want to.”
Because I have no idea how to say no to a talking flower, I walk over and drop to the ground next to her in the shade and I swear the temperature drops twenty degrees. “You look familiar.”
“No, I don’t.”
She has chin-length purple hair that curls in. A fake red rose barrette pulls up one side of her hair and something nags at me like a bad memory stuck in déjà vu mode. I’ve seen her before, only I can’t figure out where. “Yeah, I know you.”
“No, you don’t.” She moves her jaw, exposing her neck. “Put your chin up so I can see if you’re nice.”
“Are you saying we’ve never met?”
“I’m saying put your chin up. Do you make everything complicated or is it just with strangers in cemeteries?”
She’s a petite thing. Very feminine in a white tank and cut-off jeans, but she possesses a commanding presence, bordering on hypnotic. Why I’m doing this, I don’t know, yet I lift my jaw and jerk when she tickles my skin with the flower. She lowers it then pinches her lips.
“Well?” I ask.
“The dandelion says you’ll live a long life, your lucky number is seventeen, and the way to say cat in Chinese is mao.”
“Says all that, does it?”
“Dandelions never lie.” She wildly gestures to the area near her neck. “You should wash before you go anywhere. You’ve got yellow underneath. So, what do you think, is Lydia the understated type or did her husband run off with the money from the insurance policy?”
“What’s your name?”
“Not Lydia. Answer the question.”
Out of all those in the area we’re in, this is the simplest tombstone. Gray stone. Black lettering stating Lydia’s name, birthdate and the day she died. Nothing else. No loving mother, sister or friend. No angel wings or harps or flowers drawn in for effect.
Not-Lydia reaches over and tears out the grass encroaching on the marker. It’s not an irritated motion, but it’s done with enough care that it finally feels weird to be at the cemetery by the grave of someone I had no relationship with. This place should be for those who want to remember. Maybe now I’ll stop coming. “Who was Lydia to you?”
“Didn’t know her.”
My head whips in her direction. “What?”
“Didn’t. Know. Her.”
My insides completely bottom out. This girl had given me a reason to stay away and now it’s gone.
“Answer the question,” she prods.
James Cohen has the word beloved underneath his name and his marker is upright, standing easily two feet in the air. His picture is engraved on it and his image is nothing like the memory of him burned into my brain.
There’s a stark loneliness to Lydia’s stone that I wouldn’t have noticed before James Cohen. “It wasn’t her choice.”
“I agree,” she says in a small voice. “Lydia would have wanted more.”
We’re silent and the wind rustles through the leaves above us. School starts tomorrow. The first day of my senior year. I had plans for how this year was supposed to turn out, but the death of a complete stranger changed me and I don’t like it. I pray nightly that my life will return to exactly how it was before.
“Who did you lose?” She circles the conversation back to me.
This guy haunts me. To the point where I’m starting to believe that ghosts do exist. “Someone.” Someone I didn’t know.
She nods like I told her something deep. “Yeah. That sucks. You know, they wouldn’t want you to grieve like this. They’d want you to move on. Live and let live and all that.”
And all that. I chuckle and dip my head, yanking down the bill of my cap. I have no idea what James Cohen would have wanted. Not a clue. “Why are you here?”
She twirls the flower. “I like dandelions.”
“For real. Who’d you lose?”
“No one here.” She meets my eyes and I’m drawn in. They’re gray—a color I’ve never seen before on a girl. This is crazy. I know her somehow and it’s like an itch in my brain that I can’t scratch because I can’t peg her. How could I forget someone so strikingly gorgeous?
A car honks and a woman slips out the driver’s side of the beat-up, multitoned, two-door piece of crap. She’s a thin bleached blonde about my older sister’s age, except this lady doesn’t scream stay-at-home mom with two kids.
“Stella!” she yells. “Let’s go, girl.”
Stella. This is Stella. How could I frigging forget Stella? “I do know you. We go to school together. In third grade, you sat beside me and Cooper Higgins and...”
Her spine visibly straightens. “You were saying?”
...and Cooper Higgins called her Trash Can Girl. I mumble a curse and wonder how I can somehow rewind the conversation. I meet the one person who’s been able to block the images of blood pumping out of an artery and I almost call her trash. Slick, moron. Real slick.
Stella stands and brushes off the dirt from her butt. “See you at school tomorrow, Jonah. Or maybe I won’t since I’m so memorable.”
She knew who I was the entire time. The black sludge inhabiting my veins forms fingers and grips my soul. I had this feeling a few times before in my life—before James Cohen.
One of them was when I spotted Stella crying underneath the slide on the playground in third grade. I told myself she wasn’t crying because Cooper had made fun of her clothes and because I had laughed at his joke, but deep down I knew I was wrong. And as I was back then, I’m paralyzed as to how to atone for it.
Stella eases into the passenger side of the car and I wait, hoping she’ll look once in my direction. The car vibrates as it turns right onto the narrow road, and Stella keeps staring straight ahead.
When am I ever going to learn? Or change? Or...I hate this. I snap off my baseball cap and cram my fingers into my hair. The ground beneath me feels unstable and I’m tired of walking on sinking sand. Why did everything have to change?
Stella
Careful to avoid the fifth step of the outdoor metal staircase, I hop onto the sixth step, and rust sprinkles to the blacktop below. Joss walks in front of me and she’s slow going up the steps because she’s doing that stupid hip sway to catch the eye of the guy who lives in the apartment below her. The sad part is, he’s watching, but I don’t think he’s the kind of guy she should aim for.
“He doesn’t have a job,” I tell her when she reaches the second-floor walk and stops the stupid butt roll.
“You don’t know that. He could be a superstar living off residual checks.” Joss slides the key into the lock of her apartment door, but it’s a meaningless gesture since the lock broke last month and the door will open with the slightest push. We both agreed to continue with the show of unlocking and locking for security reasons. “There are many theories as to why he’s always home.”
“Like he sells crack?” I mumble under my breath.
“Heard that,” she sings. Joss nudges the door open and struts into her one-bedroom apartment. “Anyway, he doesn’t have enough class for crack. I’m leaning toward meth.”
“My mistake. I get the dealer’s social classes mixed up.”
Joss laughs and begins to root through the cupboards, pulling out boxes of crackers and Pop-Tarts to assess expiration dates. “Hungry for dinner?”
“Sure.”
It’s a tiny place that’s five code violations beyond being condemned. Last year, the stupid landlord painted the lone window shut, making our little ant trap a fire hazard. The living room slash kitchen is the same size as most walk-in closets and the only bedroom barely fits a twin-size bed. My knees hit the sink when I sit on the toilet, but unlike the other units, Joss keeps the space homey thanks to her fascination with carousels. She’s found several paintings of them at yard sales.
“I talked to that guy at the car dealership today,” says Joss. “He said if you can enter that co-op program at school that he’d get you on part-time during the day and then you can have a full-time job as soon as you graduate.”
“Awesome.” Though internally the awesomeness of it is lost on me. It’s as if someone’s wrapped a plastic bag over my head and air is no longer a privilege. “Thanks for setting it up.”
“No problem.” Joss pitches a box of crackers into the garbage. “A girl’s gotta work.”
“Yep.” It wasn’t until this moment that I realized I was buying into that college crap the guidance counselors cram down our throats.
I plop onto the gray couch and dust scatters into the air along with the scent of mildew. Joss and I salvaged this fine piece of furniture near the dumpster on eviction day last month. I bet the great Jonah Jacobson doesn’t smell mildew when he lounges on his couch. He and his little group of friends have tortured me since elementary school and I hate them for it.
Well, not exactly Jonah, but more his friends. They tell jokes with me as the punch line and I’ve seen him laugh...and sometimes not laugh. No one’s tormented me since last year—the same time that Jonah shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked the ground when Cooper asked if I bought my jeans at a sale at Goodwill.
I flipped Cooper off and told him that I heard his girlfriend was cheating on him. Which it turns out was true.
Even though Jonah didn’t laugh, he’s as bad as everyone else. He never tells anyone to back off. The weird part is, for about five minutes today, I almost felt like I made a friend. “Do you think people can change?”
“No.” Joss opens a box of wannabe Frosted Flakes. “That’s why I’m throwing my business around for the jerk downstairs. Your daddy is going to be around soon.”
My head snaps up and my heart squeezes to the point of pain. “You heard from my dad?”
Joss points a newly painted fingernail at me. She may not have money for a better apartment, but she does pay for manicures. Guys, she says, notice those things. “Nope. Don’t do it, Stella. Don’t go getting sentimental over the man. He abandoned you...again.”
It’s the again that stings. My dad, he’s the only thing besides Joss I’ve got, and I’m not a moron about why Joss lets me stay. We both suffer from the same delusional issue: we love a man who doesn’t or can’t or is unable to love us the same way in return. Joss keeps me around because if I’m here, Dad will eventually roll into town and into her life.
“So...” I take a deep breath then hedge, “Dad’s coming back?”
“I hear hope,” says Joss. “Kill it and kill it now. Hope is a deadly snake with fangs of poison.”
“How literary,” I reply.
The evil glare she throws me shuts me up. “I mean what I said, but yes, your dad called me at the club last night and said he’s heading back.”
I bite my bottom lip, not wanting to ask, and yet I do. “Did he ask about me?”
One heartbeat goes by. Another. Each one is like a shard of glass ripping through my chest.
“Yes,” she finally answers. “And he’s called a couple of times over the past few months to make sure I’m still giving you a place to crash, but this is the first time he said he’s returning. But it could mean nothing. He could have sobered up and forgotten he called.”
A large rush of air escapes from my mouth. He’s been gone six months this time. Maybe the next time he won’t be away as long. Where he goes or what he does when he leaves, I’ll probably never know...or want to know. Sometimes he returns looking like he barely escaped the grim reaper. The last time, he detoxed from something so bad that he shook for two out of the three weeks he was home.
The expression on Joss’s face mirrors my balled-up and twisted insides, so I kind of change the subject. “What’s my dad coming back have to do with the male crack whore downstairs?”
“Here.” Joss drops into the spot beside me and offers me the box of cereal. “It’s only a month past expiration.”
I take the box, but I’ve lost my appetite. She tosses a few flakes into her mouth and when she’s done crunching she looks at me. “If I don’t find another guy to hold my hand when your dad shows, he and I will end up in the exact same position as before and I don’t think that’s a good place to be.”
Meaning they’ll fall completely tangled together in that twin bed and then she’ll end up in there alone crying her eyes out when he leaves again. Joss is in her late twenties and Dad’s in his mid-thirties, but together they add up to a mess.
My throat constricts. “Do you want me to leave?”
Because if I’m gone, he won’t stay here. He’ll find me...and a new girlfriend to con. But the scary part is, if Joss kicks me out, I’ll have run out of suitable ex-girlfriends. They’d probably let me crash if I showed, but I value my life and some of those places have the ingredients for the headlining story on the eleven o’clock news. My only hope for a stable home lies in Joss’s stubborn feelings for my deadbeat dad.
Lines form on Joss’s forehead. “No. I want him to come back. Maybe this time he’ll stay.”
He won’t. He never has, but I keep that to myself.
Joss’s brown eyes stare straight into mine. “Don’t become me, Stella. Don’t you dare ever hope for more. There’s no such thing as living happily ever after or pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. The world is how it is and there always has to be bottom-feeders. People like you and me, we’re it, and the world might want us to believe we can have more, but the moment we try to break out of the water they’ll shove us down into the mud. It’s better to know the truth. It hurts less if you accept society’s crappy rules.”
I start school tomorrow. Graduate in the spring. Joss may be older than me, but I’ve lived this type of life longer. Yet even with all the years of experience, deep down inside, I’ve hoped to become more. “Sounds a little pessimistic.”
“No, not pessimistic. Realistic.”
Jonah
There’s a spot saved for me in the driveway outside the two-car garage, but what makes me circle the block for the fifth time are the four cars parked on the street in front of my house.
Being obsessed with new houses, my parents built this place three years ago. We’ve moved six times in the past seventeen years. My parents stick to the same area of town, sometimes a few miles from where we lived before, but it’s always newer and bigger.
What I never noticed before today is how the houses in this neighborhood are clones: red bricks, black roofs, large windows on the first and second stories, and columned porches. Baffles me that I never paid attention before or that anyone would spend so much on the unoriginal.
Thanks, James Cohen. Once again, the world as I know it has changed.
I round the corner again. My house comes into view and so does my younger sister, Martha. In a blue sundress, with her brown hair styled as if she’s on the way to prom, she waits next to the brick mailbox by the street. If she’s dressed up that means bad news for me.
By the other three cars, I knew Todd, Jeff and Brad were here, but I’d assumed that the missing Camaro equaled a missing Cooper. The fourth car’s a mystery, but it could be anyone: a friend of Mom’s, a business associate of Dad’s, but my sister’s choice in clothing suggests Cooper’s in the house and she needs me in order to have the courage to stand near him.
Gripping the steering wheel tighter than I should, I ease into the driveway and turn off the engine. Home sweet home. Until Mom decides to move again.
I exit the car, and Martha’s in my grill before I can shut the driver’s side door. “Where have you been?”
“Driving.” It’s better than telling the truth, that I visited the cemetery again. Not a good answer when everyone’s in the dark about me visiting at all.
“Well, Mom texted you and so did I. Why are you ignoring us?”
Crap. My phone. I pull it out of my pocket and power it on. Sure enough, the message icon pops onto the screen. “Sorry. I must have turned it off by mistake.”
Not a mistake. I crave silence, not Mom asking if I need anything for the millionth time.
Martha focuses on the ground and does that thing with her toe that shows she’s nervous—like she’s squishing an ant with her foot. “Cooper’s here.”
She’s barely sixteen and he’s eighteen. She’s bright-eyed and innocent and he’s Cooper. I’d shatter his face with my fist if he asked her out or if he mistakenly dreamed of touching her like he’s touched half the girls in school. For some reason, I force a smile instead of letting the angry thoughts tumble out of my mouth.
“Why is he here?” I nod to the other cars. “Why are any of them here?”
Martha’s glare would set tropical rainforests on fire. “Cooper’s your friend.”
“Yeah, he is, and so are the rest of them. Last I checked, I wasn’t home and I didn’t invite them over.”
Her anger washes away. “We’re all worried about you. You aren’t acting right.”
The muscles in my back cramp. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not. Even Cooper said it.”
That stops me short. “When were you talking to Cooper?”
Martha’s cheeks redden. “I don’t know. A week or so after the accident. He called looking for you and like always these days, you weren’t home so we talked...about you.”
I step forward and tower over her. “You don’t need to be talking to Cooper.”
“He’s your friend,” she hisses with venom.
For the second time today, I wonder why I’m his friend. The guy treats girls like toilet paper and he should know better than to creep on my sister.
“You don’t smile like you mean it anymore,” she continues. “You’re quiet and you don’t go out with anyone. He’s worried about you and so am I. I mean, you never invite your friends over anymore.”
“Who are you really concerned for, me or you?”
Pain slashes across her face and I immediately regret the statement. What the hell is wrong with me? “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“But you did,” she whispers. After a few blinks, she lifts her chin and stares at me like she wishes I didn’t matter. For a few seconds, I wish the same thing. It wasn’t my goal to hurt her.
“Mom invited them over for dinner,” she says. “She thought it would cheer you up.”
Martha’s starter heels click against the stone driveway as she pivots away from me and heads for the house. She tried wearing real heels last spring and tripped over her own feet and into a coffee table in front of my friends. They laughed. She cried. I did nothing.
“You’re too good for him,” I call out.
My sister trembles like she’s on the verge of a seizure before she turns around. “What are you talking about?”
I don’t know. What is my deal today with not keeping my mouth shut? Martha’s crushed on Cooper since we were young, and I’ve ignored it, but seeing Stella...seeing James Cohen’s grave again...I bet he would have been the kind of guy who protected his sister.
I force myself to join Martha. Her eyes plead with me to give her hope, causing my shoulders to roll forward as I smash my hands into my pockets. Who am I to step in? It’s her life, right? “No one’s going to be good enough for you.”
This light forms in Martha’s eyes and air rushes out of my lungs when she rams her body into mine, both arms glued around me. “I love you, Jonah.”
I still, and I don’t like the surge of guilt crawling into my bloodstream. She tells me she loves me while I say nothing about her standing in front of an oncoming train because she’s worshipping the worst guy at school.
This affection thing—Martha and I don’t do it. Screw that. I don’t do affection with anyone. Girls I used to date would get pissed because I wouldn’t hug or kiss them in public. Even Mom and Dad have caught on that I won’t hold hands during prayers at church.
I lay my fingers on her shoulder to try to detach her from me, but she squeezes tighter.
“When the police showed at the house that night and said there had been an accident, I freaked. I thought...” her voice breaks. “I thought they were coming to tell us you were dead and I didn’t want that. I realized I didn’t want that.”
My eyes slam shut. I didn’t die that night. James Cohen did and somewhere he probably has a sister who can’t hug him. He’d hug her. Maybe he wasn’t the kind of guy who did before, but if he was here, he would now.
I wrap one arm around her and awkwardly hug her back. We’ve never done this before and while I should be grateful for it, I’m ready to be done.
I clear my throat. “Let’s go eat.”
We enter the kitchen through the garage and sweat breaks out along my hairline at the amount of people in the kitchen. I don’t usually have this type of reaction and I rub at my neck in an effort to force it away.
It’s my parents and my friends. More than Todd, Jeff, Brad and Cooper. Other guys I’ve hung with over the years are here, too. A couple of guys from Todd’s basketball team. A couple from Jeff’s football team. A few girls are mixed in. Some are girlfriends of the guys. Some people I’ve known since kindergarten. Crap—two exes skulk along the periphery. All of them are people I have spent time with, but not people I prefer to see today.
Or even tomorrow.
My mind jumps back to Stella, the cemetery and the brief few minutes of peace I had while sitting under the shade tree next to a dead girl named Lydia. I’d give everything to have those moments now.
Martha grabs my hand and shoots me a weird look, possibly because of the clammy condition of my skin. Instead of acknowledging it, she smiles and announces to the crowd, “He’s here!”
And they clap. All of them. Some shout my name. I step back and a hand slamming onto my shoulder blade keeps me from withdrawing into the garage. I spot Dad behind me. He’s the older spitting image of me, and he’s smiling from ear to ear. He pats me on the shoulder again. “You should have told us.”
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Кэти Макгэрри
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 19.04.2024
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О книге: Stella and Jonah are total opposites.She′s the girl with purple hair from the wrong part of town. He hangs with the cool crowd. Until a car accident leaves him haunted by guilt, and Jonah starts spending time at Stella′s favourite refuge…the local cemetery.Stella knows she should keep her distance—after all, she spent her girlhood being bullied by Jonah′s friends. Once he′s sorted out his tangled emotions, Jonah won′t have time for her anymore. Too bad she′s already fallen for him….