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Galilee
Clive Barker
A massive tale of secrets, corruption and magic between two feuding families – the powerful Gearys and the shadowy Barbarossas.EVERY FAMILY HAS A SECRETAs rich as the Rockefellers, as glamorous as the Kennedys, the Geary dynasty has held subtle sway over American life since the Civil War, brilliantly concealing the depths of its corruption. All that is about to change. For the Gearys are at war. Their enemies are another dynasty – the Barbarossas – whose origins lie not in history but in myth.When the prodigal prince of the Barbarossa clan, Galilee, falls in love with Rachel Geary, the pent-up loathing between the families erupts in a mutually destructive frenzy. Adulteries are laid bare. Secrets creep out. And insanity reigns.Galilee is a massive tale, mingling the sharp realism of Barker’s bestseller Sacrament with the dark invention for which he’s known worldwide, and surpassing both with an epic tale which will surely rank as the crowning achievement of his career.



Galilee
Clive Barker




For Emilian David Armstrong

Table of Contents
Cover Page (#u54e68446-1369-5671-97a3-6a3c4a2a814f)
Title Page (#u276aa09b-fce6-520a-8da3-52398ea8c294)
PART ONE The Time Remaining (#u00aaa536-9525-582e-b393-726c4af04436)
I (#u81e0d38d-7abc-542a-9f83-8d8b844906e1)
II (#u4696a2c0-0a78-54ed-8765-b6079e20f468)
III (#u421b64f4-8789-590f-bb03-22d50f44639a)
IV (#ub1fac138-c222-5cd7-82dc-f9c15baffd74)
V (#ud008d725-458e-55f0-8535-edc32bab44c9)
VI (#u14934ed1-e0fa-5bcb-b6e0-fca3dfa55de9)
VII (#u003328e3-605f-5ca7-8ae9-2e13961deddf)
VIII (#u610f362e-09b7-5850-a2e0-7fe8cb30669c)
IX (#u4596760c-fce7-5181-9086-0bb576810112)
PART TWO The Holy Family (#u4ff73fc1-3f71-575c-b8fa-29dc894a0ad9)
I (#u5fca7a47-73b2-5105-9e25-e5c7a057c68b)
II (#u20e7fcd9-3780-593a-af93-a0bbd4b212c5)
III (#u57810710-f263-5147-acbd-40c8e0cf9d48)
IV (#ucd24d290-3bf7-5d09-9d41-d99bfa738b72)
V (#u94024654-4a09-59cf-8b95-168cd2737514)
VI (#u0dbf89dd-dca9-5e6b-b77d-7a36b1f06f16)
VII (#uedb34538-80c3-59f9-af45-21cb5a558456)
PART THREE An Expensive Life (#u99c3ea7b-bc01-5562-89ea-0d414b1488f5)
I (#uf8498d2c-2e00-5b33-8836-a6ef66058e82)
II (#u5e3be823-e136-5088-9e0b-97c07f40b24d)
III (#ufab9a2c3-7790-50bd-bc06-42e09ea1bfdb)
IV (#ue14ef573-6399-5cc3-b052-114e69c80b07)
V (#ub8872ad1-eb4c-52a8-821d-11e723984e30)
VI (#u96cc59ff-97f3-590a-b83b-c3c2c60a206f)
VII (#u110f08e3-7199-514a-af5e-4daf1e4498b6)
VIII (#u333dc6d0-e810-58a4-9c00-3ae6d50cecac)
IX (#u93ed22f5-121e-5267-a1a7-1c6188d3bec1)
X (#litres_trial_promo)
XI (#litres_trial_promo)
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XIII (#litres_trial_promo)
XIV (#litres_trial_promo)
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XVI (#litres_trial_promo)
XVII (#litres_trial_promo)
PART FOUR The Prodigal’s Tide (#litres_trial_promo)
I (#litres_trial_promo)
II (#litres_trial_promo)
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IV (#litres_trial_promo)
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VII (#litres_trial_promo)
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XIV (#litres_trial_promo)
PART FIVE The Act of Love (#litres_trial_promo)
I (#litres_trial_promo)
II (#litres_trial_promo)
III (#litres_trial_promo)
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V (#litres_trial_promo)
VI (#litres_trial_promo)
VII (#litres_trial_promo)
VIII (#litres_trial_promo)
IX (#litres_trial_promo)
PART SIX Ink and Water (#litres_trial_promo)
I (#litres_trial_promo)
II (#litres_trial_promo)
III (#litres_trial_promo)
IV (#litres_trial_promo)
V (#litres_trial_promo)
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VII (#litres_trial_promo)
VIII (#litres_trial_promo)
IX (#litres_trial_promo)
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XI (#litres_trial_promo)
XII (#litres_trial_promo)
XIII (#litres_trial_promo)
XIV (#litres_trial_promo)
XV (#litres_trial_promo)
PART SEVEN The Wheel of the Stars (#litres_trial_promo)
I (#litres_trial_promo)
II (#litres_trial_promo)
III (#litres_trial_promo)
IV (#litres_trial_promo)
V (#litres_trial_promo)
VI (#litres_trial_promo)
VII (#litres_trial_promo)
VIII (#litres_trial_promo)
IX (#litres_trial_promo)
PART EIGHT A House of Women (#litres_trial_promo)
I (#litres_trial_promo)
II (#litres_trial_promo)
III (#litres_trial_promo)
IV (#litres_trial_promo)
V (#litres_trial_promo)
VI (#litres_trial_promo)
VII (#litres_trial_promo)
VIII (#litres_trial_promo)
IX (#litres_trial_promo)
X (#litres_trial_promo)
XI (#litres_trial_promo)
XII (#litres_trial_promo)
XIII (#litres_trial_promo)
XIV (#litres_trial_promo)
XV (#litres_trial_promo)
XVI (#litres_trial_promo)
XVII (#litres_trial_promo)
XVIII (#litres_trial_promo)
XIX (#litres_trial_promo)
XX (#litres_trial_promo)
XXI (#litres_trial_promo)
PART NINE The Human Road (#litres_trial_promo)
I (#litres_trial_promo)
II (#litres_trial_promo)
III (#litres_trial_promo)
IV (#litres_trial_promo)
V (#litres_trial_promo)
VI (#litres_trial_promo)
VII (#litres_trial_promo)
Acknowledgements (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Author (#litres_trial_promo)
By Clive Barker (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)

PART ONE The Time Remaining (#ulink_21483136-725f-5c1f-ba79-8d5bbde99029)

I (#ulink_2c620ffc-a297-5dae-8775-d94bfe5b4a52)
i
At the insistence of my stepmother Cesaria Barbarossa the house in which I presently sit was built so that it faces southeast. The architect—who was no lesser man than the third President of the United States, Thomas Jefferson—protested her desire repeatedly and eloquently. I have the letters in which he did so here on my desk. But she would not be moved on the subject. The house was to look back towards her homeland, towards Africa, and he, as her employee, was to do as he was instructed.
It’s very plain, however, reading between the lines of her missives (I have those too; or at least copies of them) that he is far more than an architect for hire; and she to him more than a headstrong woman with a perverse desire to build a house in a swamp, in North Carolina, facing southeast. They write to one another like people who know a secret.
I know a few myself; and luckily for the thoroughness of what follows I have no intention of keeping them.
The time has come to tell everything I know. Failing that, everything I can detect or surmise. Failing that, everything I can invent. If I do my job properly it won’t even matter to you which is which. What will appear on these pages will be, I hope, a seamless history, describing deeds and destinies that will range across the world. Some of them will be, to say the least, strange events, enacted by troubled and unpalatable souls. But as a general rule, you should assume that the more unlikely the action I lay upon this stage for you, the more likely it is that I have evidence of its having happened. The things I will invent will be, I suspect, mundane by comparison with the truth. And as I said, it’s my intention that you should not know the difference. I plan to interweave the elements of my story so cunningly that you’ll cease to even care whether an event happened out there in the same world where you walk, or in here, in the head of a crippled man who will never again move from his stepmother’s house.

This house, this glorious house!
When Jefferson labored on its designs he was still some distance from Pennsylvania Avenue, but he was by no means an unknown. The year was 1790. He had already penned the Declaration of Independence, and served in France as the US Minister to the French government. Great words had flowed from his pen. Yet here he is taking time from his duties in Washington, and from work in his own house, to write long letters to my father’s wife, in which the business of constructing this house and the nuances of his heart are exquisitely interlaced.
If that is not extraordinary enough, consider this: Cesaria is a black woman; Jefferson, for all his democratic protestations, was the owner of some two hundred slaves. So how much authority must she have had over him, to be able to persuade him to labor for her as he did? It’s a testament to her powers of enchantment—powers which in this case she exercised, as she was fond of saying, “without the juju.” In other words: in her dealings with Jefferson she was simply, sweetly, even innocently, human. Whatever capacities she possesses to supematurally beguile a human soul—and she possesses many—she liked his clear-sightedness too well to blind him that way. If he was devoted to her, it was because she was worthy of his devotion.

They called the house he built for her L’Enfant. Actually, I believe the full name was L’Enfant des Carolinas. I can only speculate as to why they so named it.
That the name of the house is in French is no big surprise: they met in the gilded salons of Paris. But the name itself ? I have two theories. The first, and the most obvious, is that the house was in a sense the product of their romance, their child if you will, and they named it accordingly. The second, that it was the infant of an architectural parent, the progenitor being Jefferson’s own house at Monticello, into which he poured his genius for most of his life. It’s bigger than Monticello by a rough measure of three (Monticello is eleven thousand square feet; I estimate L’Enfant to be a little over thirty-four thousand) and has a number of smaller service buildings in its vicinity, whereas Jefferson’s house is a single structure, incorporating the slave and servant quarters, the kitchen and toilet facilities, under one roof. But in other regards the houses are very similar. They’re both Jeffersonian reworkings of Palladian models; both have double porticoes, both have octagonal domes, both have capacious high-ceilinged rooms and plenty of windows, both are practical rather than glamorous houses; both, I’d say, are structures that bespeak great confidence and great love.
Of course their settings are radically different. Monticello, as its name suggests, is set on a mountain. L’Enfant sits on a plot of low-lying ground forty-seven acres in size, the southeastern end of which is unredeemable swamp, and the northern perimeter wooded, primarily with pine. The house itself is raised up on a modest ridge, which protects it a little from the creeping damps and rots of this region, but not enough to stop the cellar from flooding during heavy rain, and the rooms getting damnably cold in winter and humid as hell in summer. Not that I’m complaining. L’Enfant is an extraordinary house. Sometimes I think it has a soul all of its own. Certainly it seems to know the moods of its occupants, and accommodates them. There have been times, sitting in my study, when a black thought has crept into my psyche for some reason, and I swear I can feel the room darken in sympathy with me. Nothing changes physically—the drapes don’t close, the stains don’t spread—but I nevertheless sense a subtle transformation in the chamber; as if it wishes to fall in rhythm with my mood. The same is true on days when I’m blithe, or haunted by doubts, or merely feeling lazy. Maybe it’s Jefferson’s genius that creates the illusion of empathy. Or perhaps it’s Cesaria’s work: her own genius, wedded with his. Whatever the reason, L’Enfant knows us. Better, I sometimes think, than we know ourselves.

ii
I share this house with three women, two men, and a number of indeterminates.
The women are of course Cesaria and her daughters, my two half-sisters, Marietta and Zabrina. The men? One is my half-brother Luman (who doesn’t actually live in the house, but outside, in a shack on the grounds) and Dwight Huddie, who serves as majordomo, as cook and as general handyman: I’ll tell you more about him later. Then, as I said, there’s the indeterminates, whose number is, not surprisingly, indeterminate.
How shall I best describe these presences to you? Not as spirits; that evokes something altogether too fanciful. They are simply nameless laborers, in Cesaria’s exclusive control, who see to the general upkeep of the house. They do their job well. I wonder sometimes if Cesaria didn’t first conjure them when Jefferson was still at work here, so that he could give them all a practical education in the strengths and liabilities of his masterpiece. If so, it would have been a scene to cherish: Jefferson the great rationalist, the numbers man, obliged to believe the evidence of his own eyes, though his common sense revolted at the idea that creatures such as these—brought out of the ether at the command of the mistress of L’Enfant—could exist. As I said, I don’t know how many of them there are (six, perhaps; perhaps less); nor whether they’re in fact projections of Cesaria’s will or things once possessed of souls and volition. I only know that they tirelessly perform the task of keeping this vast house and its grounds in a reasonable condition, but—like stagehands in a theater—do so only when our gaze is averted. If this sounds a little eerie, maybe it is: I’ve simply become used to it. I no longer think about who it is who changes my bed every morning while I’m brushing my teeth, or who sews the buttons back on my shirt when they come loose, or fixes the cracks in the plaster or trims the magnolias. I take it for granted that the work will be done, and that whoever the laborers are, they have no more desire to exchange pleasantries with me than I do with them.
There’s one other occupant of the place that I think I should mention, and that’s Cesaria’s personal servant. How she came to have him as her bosom companion will be the subject of a later passage, so I’ll leave the details until then. Let me say only this: he is, in my opinion, the saddest soul in the house. And when you consider the sum of sorrow under this roof, that’s no little claim.
Anyway, I don’t want to get mired in melancholy. Let’s move on.
Having listed the human, or almost human, occupants of L’Enfant, I should make mention perhaps of the animals. An estate of this size is of course home to innumerable wild species. There are foxes, skunks and possums, there are feral cats (escapees from domestic servitude somewhere in Rollins County), and a number of dogs who make their home in the thicket. The trees are busy with birds night and day, and every now and then an alligator wanders up from the swamp and suns itself on the lawn.
All this is predictable enough. But there are two species whose presence here is rather less likely. The first was imported by Marietta, who took it into her head some years back to raise three hyena pups. How she came by them I don’t recall (if she ever told me); I only know she wearied of surrogate motherhood quickly enough, and turned them loose. They bred, incestuously of course, and now there’s quite a pack of them out there. The other oddities here are my stepmother’s pride and joy: the porcupines. She’s kept them as pets since first occupying the house, and they’ve prospered. They live inside, where they roam unfettered and unchallenged, though they prefer on the whole to stay upstairs, close to their mistress.
We had horses, of course, in my father’s day—the stables were palatially appointed—but none of them survived an hour beyond his passing. Even if they’d had choice in the matter (which they didn’t), they were too loyal to live once he’d gone; too noble. I doubt the same could be said of any of the other species. They grudgingly coexist with us while we’re here, but I doubt there would be much grieving among them if we all departed. Nor do I imagine they’d long respect the sanctity of the house. In a week or two they’d have taken up residence: hyenas in the library, alligators in the cellar, foxes running riot under the great dome. Sometimes I wonder if they’re not eyeing it already; planning for the day when it’s theirs to shit on from roof to foundations.

II (#ulink_24666631-1539-55a8-b585-888626ebf960)
My suite of rooms is at the back of the house, four rooms in all, none of which were designed for their present purpose. What is now my bedroom—and the chamber I consider the most charming in the house—was originally a dining room used by my late father, Hursek Nicodemus Barbarossa, who did not once sit at the same table as Cesaria all the time I lived here. Such is marriage.
Adjacent to the study where I am sitting now, Nicodemus put his collection of keepsakes, a goodly portion of which was—at his request—buried with him when he died. There he kept the skull of the first horse he ever owned, along with a comprehensive and outlandish collection of sexual devices fashioned over the ages to increase the pleasure of connoisseurs. (He had a tale for every one of them: invariably hilarious.) This was not all he kept here. There was a gauntlet that had belonged to Saladin, the Moslem lover of Richard the Lionheart. There was a scroll, painted for him in China, which depicted, he once told me, the history of the world (though it seemed to my uneducated eyes simply a landscape with a serpentine river winding through it); there were dozens of representations of the male genitals—the lingam, the jade flute, Aaron’s rod (or my father’s favorite term: Il Santo Membro, the holy cock)—some of which I believe were carved or sculpted by his own priests, and therefore represent the sex that spurted me into being. Some of those objects are still here on the shelves. You may think that odd; even a little distasteful. I’m not certain I would even argue with that opinion. But he was a sexual man, and these statues, for all their crudity, embody him better than a book of his life, or a thousand photographs.
And it’s not as if they’re the only things on the shelves. Over the decades I’ve assembled here a vast library. Though I speak only English, French and a halting Italian, I read Hebrew, Latin and Greek, so my books are often antiquated, their subjects arcane. When you’ve had as much time on your hands as I’ve had, your curiosity takes obscure turns. In learned circles I’d probably be counted a world expert in a variety of subjects that no person with a real life to live—children, taxes, love—would give a fig about.
My father, were he here, would not approve of my books. He didn’t like me to read. It reminded him, he would tell me, of how he’d lost my mother. A remark, by the way, which I do not understand to this day. The only volume he encouraged me to study was the two-leaved book that opens between a woman’s legs. He kept ink, pen and paper from me when I was a child; though of course I wanted them all the more because they were forbidden me. He was determined that my real schooling be in the art and craft of horse breeding, which, after sex, was his great passion.
As a young man I traveled the world on his behalf, buying and selling horses, organizing their transportation to the stables here at L’Enfant, learning how to understand their natures as he understood them. I was good at what I did; and I enjoyed my travels. Indeed I met my late wife, Chiyojo, on one of those trips; and brought her back here to the house, intending to start a family. Those sweet ambitions were unfortunately denied me, however, by a sequence of tragedies that ended with the death of both my wife and that of Nicodemus.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. I was talking about this room, and what it housed during my father’s occupancy: the phalli, the scroll, the horse’s skull. What else? Let me think. There was a bell which Nicodemus claimed had been rung by a leper healed at the Crucifixion (he took the bell to his grave), and a device, no bigger than the humidor in which I keep my havanas, which plays a curious, whining music if touched, its sound so close to the human voice that it’s possible to believe, as my father insisted, that its sealed interior contains a living mechanism.
Please feel free to make of these claims what you will, by the way. Though my father has been dead almost a hundred and forty years, I’m not about to call him a liar in print. Such men as my father do not take kindly to having their stories questioned, and though he is deceased I do not entirely believe I am beyond his reach.
Anyway, it is a fine room. Obliged as I am to sit here most of the day I have become familiar with every nuance of its form and volume, and were Jefferson standing before me now I would tell him: sir, I can think of no happier prison than this; nor any more likely to inspire my slovenly mind to fly.
If I am so very happy here, sitting with a book in my hands, why, you may ask, have I decided to put pen to paper and write what will be inevitably a tragic history? Why torment myself this way, when I could wheel myself out onto the balcony and sit with a copy of St. Thomas Aquinas in my lap and watch life in the mimosas?
There are two reasons. The first is my half-sister Marietta.
It happened like this. About two weeks ago she came into my room (without knocking, as usual), partook of a glass of gin, without asking, as usual, and sitting down without invitation in what used to be my father’s chair said: “Eddie…”
She knows I hate to be called Eddie. My full name’s Edmund Maddox Barbarossa. Edmund is fine; Maddox is fine; I was even called The Ox in my younger day, and didn’t find it offensive. But Eddie? An Eddie can walk. An Eddie can make love. I’m no Eddie.
“Why do you always do that?” I asked her.
She sat back in the creaking chair and smiled mischievously, “Because it annoys you,” she replied. A typically Mariettaesque response, I may say. She can be the very soul of perversity, though to look at her you’d never think it. I won’t dote on her here (she gets far too much of that from her girlfriends), but she is a beautiful woman, by any measure. When she smiles, it’s my father’s smile; the sheer appetite in it, that’s an echo of him. In repose, she’s Cesaria’s daughter; lazy-lidded and full of quiet certitude, her gaze, if it rests on you for more than a moment, like a physical thing. She’s not a tall creature, my Marietta—a little over five feet without her boots—and now the immensity of chair she was sitting in, and the silly-sweet smile on her face, diminished her almost to a child. It wasn’t hard to imagine my father behind her, his huge arms wrapped around her, rocking her. Perhaps she imagined it too, sitting there. Perhaps it was that memory that made her say:
“Do you feel sad these days? I mean, especially sad?”
“What do you mean: especially sad?”
“Well I know how you brood in here—”
“I don’t brood.”
“You shut yourself away.”
“It’s by choice. I’m not unhappy.”
“Honestly?”
“I’ve got all I need here. My books. My music. Even if I’m desperate, I’ve got a television. I even know how to switch it on.”
“So you don’t feel sad? Ever?”
As she was pressing me so hard on the subject, I gave it a few more moments of thought. “Actually, I suppose I have had one or two bouts of melancholy recently,” I conceded. “Nothing I couldn’t shake off, but—”
“I hate this gin.”
“It’s English.”
“It’s bitter. Why do you have to have English gin? The sun went down on the Empire a long time ago.”
“I like the bitterness.”
She pulled a face. “Next time I’m in Charleston I’m going to bring you some really nice brandy,” she said.
“Brandy’s overrated,” I remarked.
“It’s good if you dissolve a little cocaine in it. Have you ever tried that? That gives it a nice kick.”
“Cocaine dissolved in brandy?”
“It goes down so smoothly, and you don’t get a nose filled with grey boogers the next morning.”
“I don’t have any need for cocaine. Marietta. I get along quite well with my gin.”
“But liquor makes you sleepy.”
“So?”
“So you won’t be able to afford so much sleepiness, once you get to work.”
“Am I missing something here?” I asked her.
She got up, and despite her contempt for my English gin, refilled her glass and came to stand behind my chair. “May I wheel you out onto the balcony?”
“I wish you’d get to the point.”
“I thought you Englishmen liked prevarication?” she said, easing me out from in front of my desk and taking me around it to the french windows. They were already wide open—I’d been sitting enjoying the fragrance of the evening air when Marietta entered. She took me out onto the balcony.
“Do you miss England?” she asked me.
“This is the most peculiar conversation…” I said.
“It’s a simple question. You must miss it sometimes.”
(My mother, I should explain, was English; one of my father’s many mistresses.)
“It’s a very long time since I was in England. I only really remember it in my dreams.”
“Do you write the dreams down?”
“Oh…” I said. “Now I get it. We’re back to the book.”
“It’s time, Maddox,” she said, with a greater gravity than I could recall her displaying in a long while. “We don’t have very much time left.”
“According to whom?”
“Oh for God’s sake, use your eyes. Something’s changing, Eddie. It’s subtle, but it’s everywhere. It’s in the bricks. It’s in the flowers. It’s in the ground. I went walking near the stables, where we put Poppa, and I swear I felt the earth shaking.”
“You’re not supposed to go there.”
“Don’t change the subject. You are so good at that, especially when you’re trying to avoid your responsibility.”
“Since when was it—”
“You’re the only one in the family who can write all this down, Eddie. You’ve got all the journals here, all the diaries. You still get letters from you-know-who.”
“Three in the last forty years. It’s scarcely a thriving correspondence. And for God’s sake, Marietta, use his name.”
“Why should I? I hate the little bastard.”
“That’s the one thing he certainly isn’t, Marietta. Now why don’t you just drink your gin and leave me alone?”
“Are you telling me no, Eddie?”
“You don’t hear that very often, do you?”
“Eddie…” she simpered.
“Marietta. Darling. I’m not going to throw my life into turmoil because you want me to write a family history.”
She gave me a sharp little look and downed her gin in one throatful, setting the glass on the balcony railing. I could tell by the precision of this motion, and her pause before she spoke, that she had an exit line in readiness. She has a fine theatrical flair, my Marietta.
“You don’t want to throw your life into turmoil? Don’t be so perfectly pathetic. You don’t have a life, Eddie. That’s why you’ve got to write this book. If you don’t, you’re going to die without having done a damn thing.”

III (#ulink_f2e4231a-65f7-5b25-b0f7-7ffa07291297)
i
She knew better of course. I’ve lived, damn her! Before my injury I had almost as great an appetite for experience as Nicodemus. I take that back. I was never as interested in the sexual opportunities afforded by my travel as he was. He knew all the great bordellos of Europe intimately; I preferred to wander the cathedrals or drink myself into a stupor in a bar. Drink is a weakness of mine, no question, and it’s got me into trouble more than once. It’s made me fat too. It’s hard, of course, to stay thin when you’re in a wheelchair. Your backside gets big, your waistline spreads; and Lord, my face, which used to be so well made I could walk into any gathering and take my pick of the female company, is now pasty and round. Only in my eyes might you glimpse the magnetism I once exercised. They are a peculiar color: mingled flecks of blue and gray. The rest of me’s just gone to hell.
I suppose that happens to everybody sooner or later. Even Marietta, who is a pure-blooded Barbarossa, has said that over the years she’s noticed some subtle signs of aging; it’s just much, much slower than it would be for a human being. One gray hair every decade or so isn’t anything to bitch about, I remind her, especially when nature had given her so much else: she has Cesaria’s flawless skin (though neither she nor Zabrina are quite as black as their mother) and Nicodemus’s physical ease. She also shares my delight in getting drunk, but as yet it’s taken no toll on her waist or her buttocks. I digress; again. How did I get onto the subject of Marietta’s backside? Oh yes, I was talking about how I traveled as my father’s envoy. It was wonderful. I stood in the shit in a lot of stables over the years, of course, but I also visited some of this planet’s glories: the wilds of Mongolia, the deserts of North Africa, the plains of Andalusia. So please understand that though I’m now reduced to being a voyeur, this wasn’t always the case. I don’t write as a theorist, pontificating on the state of a world that I only knew from my newspapers and my television screen.
As I get deeper into the story I’ll no doubt season it with talk of the sights I saw and the people I knew on my journeys. For now, let me just talk of England, the country where I was conceived. My birth mother was a woman by the name of Moira Feeney, and, though she died a short time after my birth, of a sickness I’ve never quite comprehended, I passed the first seven years of my life in her native country, looked after by her sister, Gisela. It was not by any means a cosseted existence; Gisela was enraged when she discovered the father of her sister’s child did not intend to bring us into his charmed circle, and rather than accept the substantial sums he offered her to help raise me, she proudly, and foolishly, refused all subsidy. She also refused to see him. It wasn’t until Gisela also died (she was struck, somewhat suspiciously, by lightning) that my father appeared in my life, and took me with him on his travels. In the next five years we lived in a number of extraordinary houses, the guests of great men who wanted my father’s advice as a horse breeder (and Lord knows what else besides; I think he was probably shaping the destinies of nations behind the scenes). But for all the glamour of those years—two summers in Granada, a spring in Venice; so much more that I can’t recall—it is my years in Blackheath with Gisela that I still return to most fondly. Gende seasons these; and my gentle human aunt, and milk and rain and the plum tree at the back of the cottage, from the topmost branches of which I could see the dome of St. Paul’s.
I have a pristine memory of what it was like to perch in those gnarled branches, where I would linger for hour upon hour, lulled into a happy trance by rhymes and songs. One of those rhymes I remember to this day.
It seems I am,
It seems I was,
It seems I will
Be born, because
It seems I am,
It seems I was,
It seems I will
Be born because—
And so on, round and round.
Marietta’s right, I do miss England, and I do what I can to keep remembrance of it. English gin, English syntax, English melancholy. But the England I yearn for, the England I dream of when I doze in my chair, no longer exists. It was just a view from a plum tree, and a happy child. Both went into history a long time ago. It is, however, the second reason why I am writing this book. In opening the floodgates of memory, I hope to be carried, at least for a little while, back into the bliss of my childhood.

ii
I should tell you, just briefly, about what happened the day I told Marietta I’d begun this book, because you’ll understand better what it’s like to live in this house. I had been sitting on my balcony with the birds (there are eleven individuals—cardinals, buntings, soldier-wing blackbirds—who come to feed from my hand and then stay to make music for me), and while I was feeding them I heard her down below having a furious argument with my other half-sister, Zabrina. As far as I could gather Marietta was being her usual imperious self, and Zabrina—who keeps out of everybody’s way most of the time, and when she does encounter one of the family doesn’t say much—was for once standing up for her own opinions. The gist of the exchange was this: Marietta had apparently brought one of her lovers into the house the previous night, and the visitor had proved to be quite the detective. Apparently she’d got up while Marietta was asleep, had gone wandering around the house and seen something she should not have seen.
Now she was apparently in a state of panic, and Marietta was quite out of patience with her, so she was trying to cajole Zabrina into cooking up some spiked candy that would wipe the woman’s memory clean. Then Marietta could take her back home, and the whole untidy business could be forgotten.
“I told you last time I don’t approve—” Zabrina’s voice is normally reedy and thin; now it was positively shrill.
“Oh Lord,” said Marietta wearily. “Don’t be so highhanded.”
“You know you should keep ordinary folks away from the house,” Zabrina went on. “It’s asking for trouble, bringing somebody here.”
“This one’s special,” Marietta said.
“So why do you want me to wipe her memory?”
“Because I’m afraid she’s going to lose her mind if you don’t.”
“What did she see?”
There was a pause. “I don’t know,” Marietta finally admitted. “She’s too incoherent to tell me.”
“Well where did you find her?”
“On the stairs.”
“She didn’t see Mama?”
“No, Zabrina. She didn’t see Mama. If she’d seen Mama—”
“She’d be dead.”
“—she’d be dead.”
There was a pause. Finally Zabrina said: “If I do this—”
“Yes?”
“Quid pro quo.”
“That’s not very sisterly,” Marietta groused. “But all right. Quid pro quo. What do you want?”
“I don’t know yet,” Zabrina said. “But I’ll think of something, don’t worry. And you won’t like it. I’ll make sure of that.”
“How very petty of you,” Marietta observed.
“Look. Do you want me to do it or don’t you?”
Again there was a pause. “She’s in my bedroom,” Marietta said. “I had to tie her to the bed.”
Zabrina giggled.
“It’s not funny.”
“They’re all funny,” Zabrina replied. “Weak heads, weak hearts. You’re never going to find anyone who can really be with you. You know that don’t you? It’s impossible. We’re on our own, to the very end.”
About an hour later Marietta appeared in my room. She looked ashen; her gray eyes full of sadness.
“You heard the conversation,” she said. I didn’t bother to reply. “Sometimes that bitch makes me want to hit her. Hard. Not that she’d feel it. Fat cow.”
“You just can’t bear to be in anybody’s debt.”
“I wouldn’t mind with you,” she said.
“I don’t count.”
“No, I guess you don’t,” she replied. Then, seeing the expression on my face. “Now what have I said? I’m just agreeing with you, for God’s sake! Why is everybody so damn sensitive around here?” She went to my desk and examined the contents of the gin bottle. There was barely a shot remaining. “Got any more?”
“There’s half a case in the closet in the bedroom.”
“Mind if I—?”
“Help yourself.”
“You know we should talk more often, Eddie,” she called back to me while she dug for the gin. “Get to know one another. I don’t have anything in common with Dwight and Zabrina’s been in the foulest mood for the last couple of months. She’s so obese these days, Eddie. Have you seen her? I mean, she’s grossly fat.”
Though both Zabrina and Marietta insist that they’re completely unlike—and in many regards this is true—they have some essential qualities in common. At their cores they’re both willful, stubborn, obsessive women. But whereas Marietta, who’s eleven years Zabrina’s junior, has always prided herself on her athleticism, and is as lean as a woman can get and still have a lushness about her body, Zabrina gave into her cravings for praline brittle and pecan pie years ago. Occasionally I’ll see her from my window, wandering rotundly across the lawn. At the last sighting she was probably three hundred and fifty pounds. (We are, you’ve doubtless begun to grasp, a profoundly wounded group of people. But trust me, when you better know the circumstances of our lives, you’ll be astonished we’re as functional as we are.)
Marietta had emerged with a fresh bottle of gin, and, unscrewing the top, poured herself an ample measure.
“Why do you keep all those clothes in the closet?” she said, knocking back a mouthful. “You’re never going to wear most of them.”
“I presume that means you have your eye on something.”
“The smoking jacket.”
“Take it.”
She leaned forward and kissed my cheek. “I’ve underrated you all these years,” she said, and went back into the bedroom to fetch the jacket in case I changed my mind.
“I’ve decided to write the book,” I told her when she emerged.
She tossed the jacket at Nicodemus’s chair and fairly danced with excitement. “That’s so wonderful,” she said. “Oh my God, Eddie, we’re going to have such fun.”
“We?”
“Yes, we. I mean, you’ll be writing it most of the time, but I’ll be helping. There’s a lot you don’t know. Dirt about Cesaria that she told me when I was little.”
“Maybe you should keep your voice down.”
“She can’t hear me. She’s always in her chambers these days.”
“We don’t know what she can hear,” I said. There was a story that she’d had Jefferson design the house so that it funneled sounds to her chambers (which I’ve never entered, by the way; nor has Marietta). The story may be apocryphal, but I wonder. Though it’s many, many months since I caught sight of the woman I don’t have difficulty believing she sits there in her boudoir listening to her children, and her husband’s children, conniving and weeping and slowly losing their minds. She probably enjoys it.
“Well if she can hear me, so what? She should be happy we’re going to all this trouble. I mean, it’s going to be a history of the Barbarossas. It’ll make her immortal.”
“If she isn’t already.”
“Oh no…she’s getting old. Zabrina sees her all the time and she says the old bitch is failing.”
“I find that hard to imagine.”
“It was her saying that which started me thinking about our book.”
“It’s not our book,” I insisted. “If I’m going to do it, it’s going to be done my way. Which means it’s not going to simply be a history of the Barbarossas.”
She emptied her glass. “I see,” she said, with a little chill in her voice. “So what’s it going to be?”
“Oh, it’ll be about the family. But it’ll be about the Gearys too.”
Now she fell silent and stared out of the window at the place where I sit with the birds. It took her fully a minute to bring herself to speak again. “If you write about the Gearys, then I’m having nothing to do with the fucking thing.”
“How can I write—”
“Or indeed you.”
“Let me finish, will you? How can I write about this family—particularly the recent history of this family—and not write about the Gearys?”
“They’re scum, Eddie. Human scum. And vicious. Every one of them.”
“That’s not true, Marietta. And even if it were, I say again: what kind of bowdlerized account would this damn book be if I didn’t include them?”
“All right. So just mention them in passing.”
“They’re part of our lives.”
“They’re not part of mine,” she said fiercely. Her gaze came back in my direction and I saw that she wasn’t so much enraged as sorrowful. I was revealing myself as a traitor with my desire to tell the story this way. She measured her next words with great care, like a lawyer making a pivotal argument.
“You realize, don’t you, that this may be the only way people out there get to know about our family?” she snapped, showing me a glimpse of her temper.
“All the more—”
“Now you let me finish. When I came in here suggesting you write this fucking book, it was because I had this feeling—I have this feeling—that we haven’t got very long. And my instincts are rarely wrong.”
“I realize that,” I said quietly. Marietta has prophetic talents, no question. She gets them from her mother.
“Maybe that’s why she’s looking so haggard these days,” Marietta said.
“She’s feeling what you’re feeling?”
She nodded. “Poor bitch,” she said softly. “And that’s another thing to consider. Cesaria. She hates the Gearys even more than I do. They took her beloved Galilee.”
I snorted at this nonsense. “That’s one sentimental myth I intend to lay to rest, for a start,” I said.
“So you don’t believe he was taken?”
“Absolutely not. I know what happened the night he left better than anyone living. And I intend to tell what I know.”
“Of course, nobody may give a damn,” Marietta observed.
“At least I’ll have set the record straight. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“I don’t know what the hell I was thinking,” Marietta replied, her distaste at what I had proposed now resurfacing. “I’m beginning to wish I’d never suggested a fucking book.”
“Well, it’s too late now. It’s begun.”
“You began already?”
This was not entirely true. I hadn’t yet laid pen to paper. But I knew where I was going to begin: with the house, and Cesaria and Thomas Jefferson. The work was as good as started.
“Well don’t let me delay you,” Marietta said, going to the door. “But I’m not guaranteeing you my help.”
“That’s fine. I’m not asking for it.”
“Not now you’re not. But you will. You’ll have to. There’s a lot of pieces of information I’ve got that you’ll need. Then we’ll see what your integrity’s worth.”
So saying, she left me to my gin. I didn’t doubt the significance of this last remark: she intended to make some kind of bargain. A section of my book she didn’t approve of excised in return for a piece of information I needed. I was absolutely determined she wasn’t going to get a single word removed however. What I’d told her was true. There was no way to tell the story of the Barbarossas without telling that of the Gearys, and thus also the story of Rachel Pallenberg, the one name I do not ever expect to hear crossing Marietta’s lips. I had deliberately not mentioned the Pallenberg woman myself, because I was certain as soon as I did so Marietta would be screaming inventive obscenities at me. Needless to say, I intend to devote a substantial portion of this story to the vices and virtues of Rachel Pallenberg.
That said, this narrative will be somewhat impoverished if I don’t get Marietta’s help; so I intend to be selective in the way I talk about what I’m doing. She’ll come round; if only because she’s an egotist, and the idea of not having her ideas in the book is going to be far more painful to her than my talking about the Gearys. Besides, she knows very well there are so many matters that I’m going to trust to my instinct on, matters that cannot be strictly verified. Matters of the spirit, matters of the bedroom, matters of the grave. These are the truly important elements. The rest is just geography and dates.

iii
Later that day, I saw Marietta escorting from the house the woman I’d heard her talking to Zabrina about. She was, like almost all of Marietta’s lovers, blonde, petite and probably no more than twenty years old. By the look of the clothes, I’d guess she was a tourist, perhaps a hitchhiker, rather than a local woman.
Zabrina had plainly done as Marietta had requested, and relieved the poor woman of her panic (along with any memory of the experience that had induced that panic). I watched them from my balcony through my binoculars. The blank expression on the girl’s face disturbed me. Was this really the only way human beings could deal with the appearance of the miraculous: panic rising to insanity; or, if they were lucky, a healing excision of the memory, which left them like this woman, calm but impoverished? What pitiful options they were. (Which thought brought me back to the book. Was it too grand an ambition to hope that in these pages I might somehow prepare the way for such revelations, so that when they came the human mind didn’t simply crack like a mirror too frail to reflect the wonders before it?) I felt a kind of sadness for the visitor, who had been washed, for her own good, of the very experience that might have made her life worth the living. What would she be after this, I wondered. Had Zabrina left deep inside her a seed of the memory, which, like the irritant mote in an oyster’s flesh might with time become something rare and wonderful? I would have to ask.
Meanwhile, under the cover of the trees, Marietta had halted with her companion, and was saying a more than fond goodbye. Having promised to tell the truth, however unpalatable, I can scarcely remain silent on what I saw: she bared the woman’s breasts while I watched; she teased the woman’s nipples and kissed her lips, while I watched, and then, while I watched, she whispered something, and the woman went down on to her knees, unbuckled and unbuttoned Marietta’s pants, and put her tongue into Marietta, flicking it so cunningly I heard Marietta’s yelps from my balcony. Lord knows I’m grateful for whatever pleasures come my way, and I’m not about to pretend that I’m deeply ashamed of watching them make love. It was perfectly wonderful to watch, and when they were finished, and Marietta escorted the woman to the path that winds away from L’Enfant and back into the real world, I felt—though this may seem absurd—a pang of loneliness.

IV (#ulink_8b39a6a7-d22b-57d9-913a-b6d719fc2064)
Though Marietta had mocked my belief that the house is a kind of listening device, which brings news from all its rooms to the ears of one soul in particular, that very night I had that belief confirmed.
I do not sleep well; never have, never will. It doesn’t matter how weary I am, as soon as I put my head on my pillow all manner of thoughts, most of them utterly without merit, circle in my skull. So it was last night; fragments of my conversation with Marietta, all rearranged so as to be nonsensical, and punctuated with her libidinous yelps, constituted the soundtrack. But the images were from some other store entirely. Neither Marietta’s face nor form appeared in my mind’s eye; rather the faces and forms of men and women I did not even recognize. No, I take that back. I recognized them; I simply couldn’t name them. Some seemed grotesquely happy with their lot; going naked, some of them, on the streets of what I think was Charleston, darting along the sidewalks and defecating from the chestnut trees. But there were others I dreamed of who were far less happy: one moment blank-faced brothers and sisters to Marietta’s concubine, the next moment shrieking like tortured animals—as though their forgetfulness had been snatched away, and what they were remembering was unbearable. I know there are some psychoanalysts who theorize that every creature which appears in a dream or waking dream is an aspect of the dreamer. If so, then I suppose the naked beasts in the streets of Charleston are the part of me that’s my father, and the other, the terrified souls sobbing incoherently, are that human part which my mother made. But I suspect the scheme’s too simple. In search of a pattern, the theorist ignores all that’s ragged and contradictory, and ends with a pretty lie. I’m not two in one; I’m many. This self has my mother’s compassion and my father’s taste for raw mutton. That one has my mother’s love of murder stories and my father’s passion for sunflowers. Who knows how many there are? Too many for any dogma to contain, I’m certain of that.
The point is, these dreams had me in a terrible state. I was close to tears, which is rare for me.
And then, in the darkness, I heard the sound of shuffling, and of clicking on the wooden floor and, looking down toward the noise, saw in a lozenge of moonlight a prickly silhouette waddling toward my bed. It was a porcupine. I didn’t move. I simply let the creature come to me (my arm was hanging off the bed, my hand close to the floor) and put its wet nose in my palm.
“Did you come down here on your own?” I said softly to the creature. Sometimes they did just that, particularly the younger, more adventurous ones; came shuffling down the stairs in the hope of finding a snack. But I’d no sooner asked the question than I had my answer, as my body responded to the entrance of the quill-pig’s mistress, Cesaria. You see, this pitiful anatomy of mine, wounded beyond all hope of repair, was quickening. It was uncanny. I was in the presence of this woman, my father’s wife, very rarely, but I knew from past experience the effect of this visit would last for days. Even if she were to leave the room now I would feel spasms in my lower limbs for a week or more, though the muscles of my legs were atrophied. And my cock, which had been just a piss-pipe for far too long, would stand up like an adolescent’s and demand milking twice an hour. Lord, I thought, was it any wonder she’d been worshiped? She could probably raise the dead if it pleased her to do so.
“Come away, Tansy,” she said to the porcupine.
Tansy ignored the instruction, which I will admit pleased me. Even she might be disobeyed.
“I don’t mind it,” I said.
“Just be careful. The spines—”
“I know.” I still had the scars where one of her quill-pigs, as she preferred to call them, had taken against me. And I think it had distressed Cesaria to see me bleed. I remember the look on her face quite clearly: her eyes like liquid night in that obsidian head of hers; her sympathy terrifying to me, because I suppose I feared her touch, her healing. Feared it would transform me, make me her devotee forever. So we’d stood, neither one of us moving, both distressed by something essential to the other (her power, my blood) while the quill-pig had sat on the floor between us and scratched its fleas.
“This book…” she said.
“Marietta told you about it?” I said.
“I don’t need telling, Maddox.”
“No. Of course not.”
What she said next astonished me. But then of course she would never be who she is—she could not trail the legends she trails—if she were not a constant astonishment.
“You must write it fearlessly,” she said. “Write out of your head and out of your heart and never care about the consequences.”
She spoke more softly than I’d ever heard her speak before. Not weakly, you understand, but with a kind of tenderness I’d always assumed she would never feel toward me. In truth, I hadn’t believed she felt it toward anybody.
“So the business about the Gearys—?”
“Must go in. All of it. Every last detail. Don’t spare any of them. Or any of us, come to that. We’ve all made our compromises over the years. Treated with the enemy instead of stopping their hearts.”
“Do you hate the Gearys?”
“I should say no. They’re only human. They know no better. But yes, I hate them. If they didn’t exist I’d still have a husband and a son.”
“It’s not as though Galilee’s dead.”
“He’s dead to me,” she said. “He died the moment he sided with them against your father.” She snapped her fingers lightly, and her quill-pig turned round and waddled back to her. Throughout this entire conversation I’d seen only glimpses of her, but now, as the porcupine approached her, she bent down to gather it up into her arms, and the moonlight, washing up off the boards, momentarily showed me her entirely. She was not, as Marietta had reported, frail or sickly; far from it. She looked like a young woman to my eye; a woman prodigiously gifted by nature: her beauty both refined and raw at the same time, the planes of her face so strong she seemed almost the idol of herself, carved out of the silver light in which she stood. Did I say that she was beautiful? I was wrong. Beauty is too tame a notion; it evokes only faces in magazines. A lovely eloquence, a calming symmetry; none of that describes this woman’s face. So perhaps I should assume I cannot do it justice with words. Suffice it to say that it would break your heart to see her; and it would mend what was broken in the same moment; and you would be twice what you’d been before.
With the quill-pig in her arms, she was moving toward the door. But as she reached it she halted (all this I only heard; she was again invisible to me).
“The beginning is always the hardest,” she said.
“Well actually I’ve already begun…” I said, a little tentatively. Despite the fact that she’d neither said nor done anything to intimidate me, I was still—perhaps unfairly—anxious that she’d blindside me with some attack or other.
“How?” she said.
“How did I begin?”
“Yes.”
“With the house, of course.”
“Ah…” I heard the smile in her voice. “With Mr. Jefferson?”
“With Mr. Jefferson.”
“That was a good idea. To begin in the middle that way. And with my glorious Thomas. He was, you know, the love of my life.”
“Jefferson?”
“You think it should have been your father?”
“Well—”
“It was nothing like love with your father. It became love, but that’s not how it began. When such as I, and such as he, mate, we do not mate for the sake of sentiment. We mate to make children. To preserve our genius, as your father would have said.”
“Perhaps I should have begun there.”
She laughed. “With our mating?”
“No I didn’t mean that.” I was glad of the darkness, to cover my blushes—though with her eyes she probably saw them anyway. “I…I…meant with the firstborn. With Galilee.”
I heard her sigh. Then I heard nothing; for such a time I thought perhaps she’d decided to leave me. But no. She was still there in the room.
“We didn’t baptize him Galilee,” she said. “He took that name for himself, when he was six.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“There’s a great deal you don’t know, Maddox. A great deal you can’t even guess. That’s why I came to invite you…when you’re ready…to see some of the past…”
“You have more books?”
“Not books. Nothing so tangible…”
“I’m sorry, I don’t really understand.”
Again, she sighed, and I was afraid this offer, whatever it was, would be snatched away again because I was making her impatient. But she sighed not out of irritation, rather out of a heaviness of the heart.
“Galilee was everything to us,” she said. “And he became nothing. I want you to understand how that came about.”
“I’ll do my best, I swear.”
“I know you will,” she said gently. “But it may take more courage than you have. You’re so human, Maddox. I’ve always found that hard to like.”
“I can’t do much about it.”
“Your father loved you for that very reason, you know…” Her voice trailed away. “What a mess it all is,” she said. “What a terrible, tragic mess. To have had so much, and let it go through our fingers…”
“I want to understand how that happened,” I replied, “more than anything, I want to understand.”
“Yes,” she said, somewhat distractedly. Her thoughts were already elsewhere.
“What do I need to do?” I asked her.
“I’ll explain everything to Luman,” Mama replied. “He’ll watch over you. And of course if it’s too much for your human sensibilities—”
“Zabrina can take it away.”
“That’s right. Zabrina can take it away.”

V (#ulink_f8e9c26a-60c7-57c3-b50f-79da4c3939d6)
i
I had a different vision of the house thereafter. Everything was expectation. I was looking for a sign, a clue, a glimpse of this mysterious source of knowledge that Cesaria had invited me to share. What form would it take, if it wasn’t books? Was there somewhere in the house a collection of family heirlooms for me to sift through? Or was I being entirely too literal? Had I been invited into a place of spirit rather than substance? If so, would I have the words to express what I felt in that place?
For the first time in perhaps three months I decided to leave my room and go outside. For this, I need somebody’s help. Jefferson didn’t design the house anticipating the presence of a crippled occupant (and I doubt that Cesaria ever thought she’d entertain such frailty) so there are four steps in the passageway that leads out to the front hall; steps which are too deep for me to negotiate in a wheelchair even with help. Dwight has to carry me down, like a babe in arms, and then I wait, laid prone on the sofa in the hallway, until he brings down the chair and sets me in it.
Dwight is quite simply the most amiable fellow I have ever known; though he has every reason to hate the God who made him and probably every human being in the state of North Carolina. He was bom with some kind of mental defect that made self-expression difficult, and was therefore thought to be an idiot. His childhood and early adolescence were a living hell: denied any real education, he languished, abused by both his parents.
Then, one day in his fourteenth year, he wandered into the swamp, perhaps to kill himself; he says he doesn’t exactly recall the reason. Nor does he know how long he wandered—though it was many days and nights—until Zabrina found him at the perimeters of L’Enfant. He was in a state of complete exhaustion. She brought him back to the house, and for reasons of her own nursed him to health in her rooms without telling anyone. I’ve never pressed Dwight as to the exact nature of his relationship with Zabrina, but I don’t doubt that when he was younger she used him sexually; nor do I doubt that he was quite happy with the arrangement. She wasn’t then quite the scale she is now, but she was still substantial; for Dwight this was no hardship. He has several times mentioned to me in passing his enthusiasm for plenitude in a woman. Whether that taste predated his time with Zabrina, or was formed by it, I don’t know. I can only report that she kept him a secret for almost three years, during which she apparently made it her business to educate him; and well. By the time she introduced him to Marietta and myself, all but the faintest trace of his speech impediment had disappeared, and he had become the fledgling form of the man he was to become. Now, thirty-two years later, he is as much a part of this house as the boards beneath my feet. Though his relationship with Zabrina soured for reasons I’ve never been able to pry out of him, he still speaks of her with a kind of reverence. She is, and will always be, the woman who taught him Herodotus and saved his soul (which services, by the way, are in my opinion intimately connected).
Of course, he’s aging far faster than any of the rest of us. He’s forty-nine now, and crops his thinning hair to a gray stubble (which gives him a rather scholarly look) and his body, which used to be lean, is getting pudgy around the middle. The business of carrying me around has become much more of a chore for him, and I’ve told him several times that he’s soon going to have to go looking for another lost soul out there; someone he can train to take over the heavy duties in the house.
But perhaps now that’s academic. If Marietta’s right, and our days here are indeed numbered, he won’t need to train anyone to follow in his footsteps. They, and he, and we all, will have disappeared from sight forever.

We ate together that day, not in the dining room, which is far too large for just two (I wonder sometimes what kind of guests Mama had intended to invite), but in the kitchen. Jellied chicken loaf, and chives and sesame seed biscuits, followed by Dwight’s dessert specialty, a Hampton polonaise: a cake made with layers of almond and chocolate, which he serves with a sweet whipped cream. (His skills as a cook he got from Zabrina, I’m certain. His repertoire of candies is remarkable: all manner of crystallized fruit, nougat, pralines, and a tooth-rotting wonder he calls divinity fudge.)
“I saw Zabrina yesterday,” he said, serving me another slice of the polonaise.
“Did you speak to her?”
“No. She had that don’t come near me look on her face. You know how she gets.”
“Are you just going to watch me make a hog of myself?”
“I’m so filled up I’ll not stay awake this afternoon as it is.”
“Nothing wrong with a little siesta. Good ol’ Southern tradition. It gets hot, you go snooze till it cools down.” I looked up from my plate to see that Dwight had a glum expression on his face. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t like sleep as much as I used to,” he said softly.
“Why not?” I asked him.
“Bad dreams…” he said. “No, not bad. Sorrowful. Sorrowful dreams.”
“About what?”
Dwight shrugged. “I don’t rightly know. This and that. People I knew when I was little.” He drew a deep breath. “I’ve been thinkin’ maybe I should go out…you know…back where I come from.”
“Permanently?”
“Oh Lord, no. I belong here an’ I always will. No, just go out one more time to see if my folks are still alive, an’ if they are, say my goodbyes.”
“They must be getting old.”
“It’s not them that’s goin’, Mr. Maddox, an’ we both know it. It’s us.” He ran his finger through the remaining cream on his plate and put his finger on his tongue. “That’s what I’m dreamin’ about. Us goin’. Everythin’ goin’.”
“Have you been talking to Marietta?”
“Now and again.”
“No, I mean about this.”
He shook his head. “This is the first I’ve told anybody.”
There was an uneasy silence. Then he said: “What do you think?”
“About the dreams?”
“About going to see my folks an’ all.”
“I think you should go.”

ii
Though I attempted to take my own advice and have a siesta that afternoon, my head, despite the melancholy exchange with Dwight—or perhaps because of it—was buzzing like a stirred-up hive. I found myself thinking about certain parallels that existed between families that were in every other way unlike. The family of Dwight Huddie, for instance, living in a trailer park somewhere in Sampson County: did they ever wonder about their child, whom they lost to a place they would never see, never even know existed? Did they think of seeking him out all those years ago, when he was first lost, or was he as good as dead to them, as Galilee was to Cesaria? And then there was the Gearys. That family, for all its fabled clannishness had also in its time cut off some of its children as though they were gangrenous limbs. Again: as good as dead. I was sure that as I went on, I was going to find connections like these throughout this history: ways in which the sorrows and the cruelties of one bloodline were echoed in another.
The question that still lay before me, and I had so far failed to answer, was the way these connections might best be expressed. My mind was filled with possibilities but I had no real sense of how all that I knew was arrayed and dispersed; no sense of the pattern.

To distract myself from anxiety I made a slow exploration of the house. It was many years since I’d gone from room to room as I did now, and everywhere I looked this newly curious gaze of mine was rewarded. Jefferson’s extraordinary taste and passion for detail was in evidence all around me, but married to a wildness of conception that is, I’m certain, my mother’s gift. It’s an extraordinary combination: Jeffersonian restraint and Barbarossian bravura; a constant struggle of wills that creates forms and volumes utterly unlike any I have seen before. The great study, for instance, now fallen into neglect, which seemed the perfect model of an austere place of intellectual inquiry, until the eye drifted to the ceiling, where the Hellenic columns grew sinewy and put forth a harvest of unearthly fruit. The dining room, where the floor was set with such a cunning design of marble tiles that it seemed like a pool of blue-green water. A long gallery of arched alcoves, each of which contained a bas-relief so cunningly lit that the scenes seemed to shed their own luminescence, which spilled out as from a series of windows. There was nothing, it seemed to me, that had been left to chance; every tiny subtlety of form had been planned so as to flatter the greater scheme, just as the great scheme brought the eye back to these subtleties. It was all, it seemed to me, one glorious invitation: to pleasure in the seeing, yes; but also to a calm certainty of one’s own place in all of this, not overpowered, simply enjoined to be here in the moment, feeling the way the air flowed through the rooms and brushed your face, or the way the light came to meet you from a wall. More than once I found my eyes filling with tears at the sheer beauty of a chamber, then soothed from my tears by that same beauty, which wanted only my happiness.
All this said, the house was not by any means unspoiled. The years, and the humidity, have taken a terrible toll; scarcely a single room has escaped some measure of decay, and a few—particularly those which lay closest to the swamp—are in such a poor state of disrepair that I was obliged to have Dwight carry me into them, the floors were too rotted for my wheelchair. Even these chambers, I should say, had an undeniable grandeur to them. The creeping rot on the walls resembles the charts of some as yet unnamed world; the small forests of fungi that grow in the sodden boards have a fascination all of their own. Dwight was unpersuaded. “These are bad places,” he said, determined that their deterioration was due to some spiritual malaise that hung about them. “Bad things happened here.”
This didn’t make a lot of sense to me, and I told him so. If one room had rot in the walls and another didn’t, it was because of some vagary in the water table; it wasn’t evidence of bad karma.
“In this house,” Dwight said, “everything’s connected.”
That was all I could get him to say on the subject, but it was plain enough, I suppose. Just as I had come to appreciate the way the house played back and forth between spirit and sight, so Dwight seemed to be telling me the physical and moral states of the house were connected.

He was right, of course, though I couldn’t see it at the time. The house wasn’t simply a reflection of Jefferson’s genius and Cesaria’s vision: it was a repository for all that it had ever contained. The past was still present here, in ways my limited senses had yet to grasp.

VI (#ulink_2d04058a-b060-5717-bf8d-55e255f317a6)
I encountered Marietta once or twice during these days of reacquaintance with the house (I even glimpsed Zabrina on a few occasions, though she shared no interest in conversing with me; only hurried away). But of Luman, of the man Cesaria had promised could help educate me, I saw not a hair. Had my stepmother decided not to allow me access to her secrets after all? Or perhaps simply forgotten to tell Luman that he was to be my guide? I decided after a couple of days that I’d seek him out for myself, and tell him how badly I wanted to get on with my work, but that I couldn’t do so; not until I knew the stories Cesaria had told me I could not even guess at.
Luman, as I’ve said, does not live in the main house, though Lord knows it has enough rooms, empty rooms, to accommodate several families. He chooses instead to live in what was once the Smoke House; a modest building, which he claims suits him better. I had not until this visit ever come within fifty yards of the building, much less entered it; he has always been fiercely protective of his isolation.
My mounting irritation made me bold, however. So I had Dwight take me to the place, wheeling me down what had once been a pleasant path, but which was now thickly overgrown. The air became steadily danker; in places it swarmed with mosquitoes. I lit up a cigar to keep them at bay, which I doubt worked, but a good cigar always gets me a little high, so I cared rather less that they were making a meal of me.
As we approached the door I saw that it was open a little way, and that somebody was moving around inside. Luman knew I was here; which probably meant he also knew why I called out to him.
“Luman? It’s Maddox! Is it all right if Dwight brings me in? I’d like to have a little talk!”
“We got nothing to talk about,” came the reply out of the murky interior.
“I beg to differ.”
Now Luman’s face appeared at the partially opened door. He looked thoroughly rattled, like a man who’d just stepped away from not one but several excesses. His wide, tawny face was shiny with sweat, his pupils pinpricks, his cornea yellowed. His beard looked as though it hadn’t been trimmed, or indeed even washed, in several weeks.
“Jesus, man,” he growled, “can’t you just let it be?”
“Did you speak to Cesaria?” I asked him.
He ran his hand through his mane and tugged it back from his head so violently it looked like an act of masochism. Those pinprick eyes of his suddenly grew to the size of quarters. This was a parlor trick I’d never seen him perform before; I was so startled I all but cried out. I stifled the yelp, however. I didn’t want him thinking he had the upper hand here. There was too much of the mad dog about him. If he sensed fear in me, I was certain he’d at very least drive me from his door. And at worst? Who knew what a creature like this could do if he set his perverse mind to it? Just about anything, probably.
“Yes,” he said finally, “she spoke to me. But I don’t think you need to be seeing the stuff she wants you to see. It ain’t your business.”
“She thinks it is.”
“Huh.”
“Look, can we at least have this conversation out of the way of the mosquitoes?”
“You don’t like bein’ bit?” he said, with a nasty little grin. “Oh I like to get naked an’ have ‘em at me. Gets me goin’.”
Perhaps he hoped he’d repulse me with this, and I’d leave, but I was not about to be so easily removed. I simply stared at him.
“Do you have any more of them cigars?”
I had indeed come prepared. Not only did I have cigars, I had gin, and, by way of more intellectual seduction, a small pamphlet on madhouses from my collection. Many years before Luman had spent some months incarcerated in Utica, an institution in upstate New York. A century later (so Marietta told me) he was still obsessed with the business of how a sane man might be thought mad, and a madman put in charge of Congress. I dug first for the cigar, as he’d requested it.
“Here,” I said.
“Is it Cuban?”
“Of course.”
“Toss it to me.”
“Dwight can bring it.”
“No. Toss it.”
I gently lobbed the cigar in his direction. It fell a foot shy of the threshold. He bent down and picked it up, rolling it between his fingers and sniffing it.
“This is nice,” he said appreciatively. “You keep a humidor?”
“Yes. In this humidity—”
“Got to, got to,” he said, his tone distinctly warming. “Well then,” he said, “you’d better get your sorry ass in here.”
“It’s all right if Dwight carries me in?”
“As long as he leaves,” Luman said. Then to Dwight: “No offense. But this is between my half-brother and me.”
“I understand,” said Dwight, and picking me up out of my wheelchair carried me to the door, which Luman now hauled open. A wave of stinking heat hit me; like the stench of a pigpen in high summer.
“I like it rank,” Luman said by way of explanation. “It reminds me of the old country.”
I didn’t reply to him; I was too—I don’t know quite what the word is—astonished, perhaps appalled by the state of the interior.
“Sit him down on the ol’ crib there,” Luman said, pointing to a peculiar bed-cum-coffin set close to the hearth. Worse than the crib itself—which looked more like an instrument of torture than a place of repose—was the fact that the hearth was far from cold: a large, smoky fire was burning there. It was little wonder Luman was sweating so profusely.
“Will this be all right?” Dwight said to me, plainly concerned for my well-being.
“I’ll be fine,” I said. “I could do with losing the weight.”
“That you could,” Luman said. “You need to get fightin’ fit. We all do.”
He had lit a match, and with the care of a true connoisseur, was slowly coaxing his cigar to life. “My,” he said, “this is nice. I surely do appreciate a good bribe, brother. It’s a sign o’ good breedin’, when a man knows how to offer a good bribe.”
“Speaking of which…” I said. “Dwight. The gin.”
Dwight set the bottle of gin on the table, which was as thickly strewn with detritus as every other inch of Luman’s hellhole.
“Well that’s mighty kind of you,” Luman said.
“And this—”
“My, my, the presents jus’ keep comin’, don’t they?” I gave him the book. “What’s this now?” He looked at the cover. “Oh, this is interestin’, brother.” He flipped through the book, which was amply illustrated. “I wonder if there’s a picture of my li’l ol’ crib.”
“This came from an asylum?” I said, looking down at the bed on which Dwight had set me.
“It sure did. I was chained up in that for two hundred and fifty-five nights.”
“Inside it?”
“Inside it.”
He came over to where I sat and tugged the filthy blanket out from under me, so I could better see the cruel narrow box in which he had been put. The restraints were still in place.
“Why do you keep it?” I asked him.
“As a reminder,” he said, meeting my gaze head-on for the first time since I’d entered. “I can’t ever let myself forget, ‘cause the moment I forget then I’ve as good as forgiven them that did it to me, and I ain’t never going to do that.”
“But—”
“I know what you’re going to say: they’re all dead. And so they are. But that don’t mean I can’t still get my day with ‘em, when the Lord calls us all to judgment. I’m going to be sniffin’ after ‘em like the mad dog they said I was. I’m going to have their souls, and there ain’t no saint in Heaven’s goin’ to stop me.” His volume and vehemence had steadily escalated through this speech; when it was done I said nothing for a moment or two, so as to let him calm down. Then I said:
“Seems to me you’ve got reason to keep the crib.”
He grunted by way of reply. Then he went over to the table and sat on the chair beside it. “Don’t you wonder sometimes…?” he began.
“Wonder what?”
“Why one of us gets put in a madhouse an’ another gets to be a cripple an’ another gets to go ‘round the world fuckin’ every beautiful woman he sets his eyes on.”
This last, of course, was Galilee; or at least the Galilee of family myth: the wanderer, pursuing his unattainable dreams from ocean to ocean.
“Well don’t you wonder?” Luman said again.
“Now and again.”
“See, things ain’t fair. That’s why people go crazy. That’s why they get guns and kill their kids. Or end up in chains. Things ain’t fair!” He was beginning to shout again.
“If I may say…”
“Say what the fuck you like!” he replied, “I want to hear, brother.”
“…we’re luckier than most.”
“How’d you reckon that?”
“We’re a special family. We’ve got…you’ve got talents most people would kill to have…”
“Sure I can fuck a woman then make her forget I ever laid a finger on her. Sure I can listen in on one snake’s sayin’ to another. Sure I got a Momma who used to be one of the all time great ladies and a Poppa who knew Jesus. So what? They still put me in chains. And I still thought I deserved it, ‘cause in my heart I thought I was a worthless sonofabitch.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “An’ that ain’t really changed.”
This silenced me utterly. Not just the flow of images (Luman listening to snakes? My father as a confidante of Christ?) but the sheer desperation in Luman’s voice.
“We ain’t none of us what we should’ve been, brother,” he said. “We ain’t none of us done a thing worth callin’ important, an’ now it’s all over, and we ain’t never goin’ to have that chance.”
“So let me write about why.”
“Oh…I knew we’d get back to that sooner or later,” Luman replied. “There ain’t no use in writin’ no book, brother. It’s just goin’ to make us look like losers. ‘Cept Galilee, of course. He’ll look fine an’ fancy an’ I’ll look like a fuckwit.”
“I’m not here to beg,” I said. “If you don’t want to help me then I’ll just go back to Mama—”
“If you can find her.”
“—I’ll find her. And I’ll just ask her to have Marietta show me the sights instead of you.”
“She doesn’t trust Marietta,” Luman said, getting up and crossing to crouch in front of the fire. “She trusts me because I’ve stayed here. I’ve been loyal.” His lip curled. “Loyal like a dog,” he said. “Stayed in my kennel and guarded her little empire.”
“Why do you stay out here?” I asked him. “There’s so much room in the house.”
“I hate the house. It’s entirely too civilized. I find I can’t catch my breath in there.”
“Is that why you don’t want to help me? You don’t want to go in the house?”
“Oh, shit,” he said, apparently resigned to this torment, “if I have to I have to. I’ll take you up, if you want to go that badly.”
“Up where?”
“To the dome, of course. But once I’ve done that, buddy, you’re on your own. I ain’t staying with you. Not in that place.”

VII (#ulink_6a109cb8-a621-518e-8ad9-5f0ba949eb34)
I began to see that one of the curses of the Barbarossa family is self-pity. There’s Luman in his Smoke House, plotting his revenge against dead men; me in my library, determined that life had done me a terrible disservice; Zabrina in her own loneliness, fat with candy. Even Galilee—out there under a limitless sky—writing me melancholy letters about the aimlessness of his life. It was pathetic. We, who were the blessed fruit of such an extraordinary tree. How did we all end up bemoaning the fact of living, instead of finding purpose in that fact? We didn’t deserve what we’d been given: our glamours, our skills, our visions. We’d frittered them all away while we bemoaned our lot.
Was it too late to change all of that, I wondered? Was there still a chance for four ungrateful children to rediscover why we’d been created?
Only Marietta, it seemed to me, had escaped the curse, and she’d done so by reinventing herself. I saw her often, coming back from her visits to the world, dressed like a trucker sometimes in low-slung jeans and a dirty shirt, sometimes like a torch-song singer in a slinky dress; sometimes barely dressed at all, running across the lawn as the sun came up, her skin as dewy as the grass.
Oh Lord, what am I admitting to? Well, it’s said; for better or worse. To my list of sins (which isn’t as long as I’d like it to be) I must now append incestuous desires.
Luman had arranged to come and fetch me at ten. He was late, of course. When he finally turned up, he had the last inch of his havana between his teeth, and the last inch of gin left in the bottle. I suspect he didn’t indulge himself with hard liquor very often, because he was much the worse for wear.
“Are you ready?” he slurred.
“More than ready.”
“Did you bring something to eat and drink?”
“What do I need food for?”
“You’re going to be in there a long time. That’s why.”
“You make it sound like I’m being locked up.”
Luman leered at me, as though he was making up his mind whether to be cruel or not. “Don’t be shittin’ yourself,” he said finally. “The door’ll be open all the time, you just won’t feel like leaving. It’s very addictive once you get going.” With that he started off down the passageway, leaving me to trundle behind him.
“Don’t go too fast,” I told him.
“Afraid of gettin’ lost in the dark?” he said, “Brother, you are one nervous son of a bitch.”
I wasn’t afraid of the dark, but there was good reason to be concerned about getting lost. We turned a couple of comers and I was in a passageway I was pretty certain I’d never visited before, though I’d thought myself familiar with the entire house, barring Cesaria’s chambers. Another corner, and another, and a passageway, and a small empty room, and another, and another, and now I knew this was unknown terrain. If Luman decided to play the mischief maker and leave me here, I doubted I could find my way back to anywhere familiar.
“You smell the air here?”
“Stale.”
“Dead. Nobody comes here, you see. Not even her.”
“Why not?”
“Because it fucks with your head,” he said, casting a glance back in my direction. I could barely see his expression in the murk, but I’m certain he had that yellow-toothed leer back on his face. “Of course, you’re a saner man than I ever was, so maybe it won’t bother you so much ‘cause you got better control of your wits. On the other hand…maybe you’ll crack, and I’ll have to put you in my li’l crib for the night, so’s you don’t do yourself harm.”
I brought the chair to a halt. “You know what?” I said. “I’ve changed my mind.”
“You can’t do that,” Luman said.
“I’m telling you I don’t want to go in there.”
“Well ain’t this a flip-flop, huh? First I don’t want to take you, and now I brought you here, you don’t want to go. Make up your fuckin’ mind.”
“I’m not going to risk my sanity,” I said.
Luman drained the gin bottle. “I can see that,” he said. “I mean, a man in your condition ain’t got but his mind, right? You lose that you ain’t got nothin’.” He came a step or two toward me. “On the other hand,” he said, “if you don’t go in, you ain’t got no book, so it’s a kind of toss-up.” He lobbed the gin bottle from hand to hand, and back again, to illustrate his point. “Book. Mind. Book. Mind. It’s up to you.”
I hated him at that moment; simply because what he said was true. If he left me under the dome and I lost my sanity, I wouldn’t be capable of putting words in any sensible order. On the other hand, if I didn’t risk the lunacy, and I simply wrote from what I already knew, wouldn’t I always wonder how much richer, how much truer, my work would have been if I’d had the courage to see what the room had to show me?
“It’s your choice,” he said.
“What would you do?”
“You’re asking me?” Luman said, sounding genuinely surprised at my interest in his opinion. “Well it ain’t pretty being mad,” he said. “It ain’t pretty at all. But the way I see it, we don’t have a lot of time left. This house ain’t goin’ to stand forever, an’ when it comes down, whatever you might see in there…” he pointed along the passageway ahead of me, towards the stairs that led up to the dome “…is going to be lost. You won’t be seeing no more visions when this house falls. None of us will.”
I stared at the passageway.
“I guess that’s my answer then,” I said.
“So you’re goin’ to go in?”
“I’m goin’ to go in.”
Luman smiled. “Hold on,” he said. Then he did a remarkable thing. He picked up the wheelchair, with me in it, and carried us both up the stairs. I held my breath, afraid he was either going to drop me, or topple back down the flight. But we reached the top without incident. There was a narrow landing, and a single door.
“I’m goin’ to leave you here,” Luman said.
“This is as far as you go?”
“You know how to open a door,” he said.
“What happens when I get inside?”
“You’ll find you know that too.” He laid his hand on my shoulder. “If you need anything, just call.”
“You’ll be here?”
“It depends how the mood takes me,” he said, and sauntered off down the stairs. I wanted to call him back; but I was out of delaying tactics. Time to do this, if I was going to do it.
I wheeled my way to the door, glancing back once to see if Luman was still in sight. He’d gone. I was on my own. I took a deep breath, and grasped the door handle. There was still a corner of me that hoped the door was locked and I’d be denied entry. But the handle turned, and the door opened—almost too readily, I thought, as though some overeager host stood on the other side, ready to usher me in.
I had some idea of what I thought lay on the other side, at least architecturally speaking. The dome room—or “sky room” as Jefferson had dubbed his version at Monticello—was, I’d been told by Marietta (who’d crept up there once to do the deed with a girlfriend) a somewhat strange but beautiful room. At Monticello it had apparently been used as a child’s playroom, because it was hard to access (a design deficiency which also applied to L’Enfant) but here, Marietta had told me, there was a whisper of unease in the room; no child would have been happy playing there. Though there were eight windows, after the Monticellian model, and a skylight, the place seemed to her “a little on the twitchy side,” whatever that meant.
I was about to find out. I pushed the door wide with my foot, half-expecting birds or bats to fly in my face. But the room was deserted. There was not so much as a single piece of furniture to spoil its absolute simplicity. Just the starlight, coming in from nine apertures.
“Luman,” I murmured to myself, “you sonofabitch…”
He’d prepared me for something fearful; a delirium, an assault of visions so violent it might put me out of my wits. But there was nothing here but murk and more murk.
I ventured in a couple of yards, looking everywhere for a reason to be afraid. But there was nothing. I pressed on, with a mingling of disappointment and relief. There was nothing to fear in here. My sanity was perfectly secure.
Unless, of course, I was being lulled into a false sense of security. I glanced back toward the door. It was still open; still solid. And beyond it the landing where I’d stood with Luman, and debated the wisdom of coming in here. What an easy mark I’d made; he must have been thoroughly entertained at the sight of my discomfort! Cursing him again, I took my eyes from the door and returned them to the murk. This time, however, much to my astonishment, I discovered that the sky room was not quite as empty as I’d thought. A few yards from me—at the place where the lights of the nine windows intersected—there was a skittering pattern in the gloom, so subtle I was not certain at first it was even real. I kept staring at it, resisting the urge to blink for fear that it would vanish. But it remained before me, intensifying a little. I wheeled my way toward it; slowly, slowly, like a hunter closing on his quarry, fearful of alarming it into flight. But it didn’t retreat. Nor did it become any the less mystifying. My approach had become less tentative now; I was very soon at the center of the room, directly under the skylight. The patterns were in the an all around me; so subtle I was still not absolutely certain I was ever seeing them. I looked up to my zenith: I could see stars through the skylight, but nothing that would be likely to create these shifting shadows. Returning my gaze to the walls, I went from one window to the next, looking for some explanation there. But I found none. There was a little wash of light through each of them, but no sign of motion—a wind-stirred branch, a bird fluttering on a sill. Whatever was creating this shifting shadow was here in the room with me. As I finished my study of the windows, muttering to myself in confusion, I had the uncomfortable sense my befuddlement was being watched. Again, I looked toward the door, thinking maybe Luman had crept back to spy on me. But no; the landing was deserted.
Well, I thought, there’s no use my sitting here, getting dizzy and paranoid. I may as well spit out my reasons for coming, and see if that elicited some response.
I drew an anxious breath, and spoke.
“I came…I came to see the past,” I said. My voice sounded tiny, like a child’s voice. “Cesaria sent me,” I added, thinking that might help whatever forces occupied the room understand that I was a legitimate presence, and that if they had something to show me, they should damned well do it.
Something that I’d said—whether it was talking about the past or about Cesaria I can’t say—brought a response. The shadows seemed to darken around me, and their motion grew more complex. Some portion of the pattern twitched like a living thing, and rose up in front of me—up, up toward the skylight. Another flew off toward the wall at my left, trailing more fragments of dark air, whipping like the tail of a kite. A third dropped to the polished boards and spread across the floor.
I believe I breathed some words of astonishment. “Oh my Lord,” or some such. I had reason. The spectacle was growing by the moment, the writhing motions of these shadows, and their scale, expanding as if by some logarithmic progression. Motion was inspiring motion; forms were inspiring forms. In the space of perhaps forty-five seconds the walls of the dome room had been all but eclipsed by these roiling abstractions; gray on gray, yet filled with subtle intimations of visions to come. My eyes were darting everywhere, of course, astonished by all this, but even as my gaze went on from one cloudy cluster of shapes to the next, it moved with the impression that something was almost visible here. That I was moments away from understanding how these abstractions worked.
And yet, even in their protean condition they moved me. Watching these rollings and cavortings I began to understand why Luman had been so reluctant to enter this room. He was a man of great vulnerability, despite his manner: there was simply too much feeling here for a soul so tender. Watching the unfolding spectacle, I felt as though I were listening to a piece of music; or rather several at the same time.
Those grand shapes moving overhead, like columns of smoke passing across the sun had all the gravity of a requiem; while the forms that moved close to me reeled and swaggered as though to a drunken polka. And in between, circling me as they climbed, were sinuous ropes of ether that seemed to express lovely, rising music, like the bright line of a rhapsody.
To say I was enchanted does not begin to express my beguilement. It was all so perfectly mysterious: a seduction of eye and heart that left me close to tears. But I was not so enthralled that I didn’t wonder what powers lay so far undisclosed. I had invited this vision with my own readiness to accept it. Now it was time to do the same thing again; to open my spirit, as it were, a little wider, and see what the shadows would show me.
“I’m ready,” I said softly, “whenever you are…”
The forms before me continued to profligate, but made no visible response to my invitation. There was still a sense of evolution in their motion, but I sensed that it had slowed. I was no longer seeing the heart-quickening changes that had astonished me a minute or two before.
Again, I spoke. “I’m not afraid,” I said.
Did I ever say anything so foolish in my life as to boast fearlessness in such a place as this?
The words were no sooner out of my mouth than the shadows before me convulsed, as though some seismic shock had shaken the dome. Two or three seconds later, like thunder coming a heartbeat after lightning, the shock wave struck the only nonethereal form in the room, which is to say, myself. My chair was propelled backward, tipping over as it went. I vainly tried to regain some measure of control, but the chair sped over the boards, its wheels shrieking, and struck the wall close to the door with such violence that I was pitched out of it.
I felt something crack as I landed face down, and the breath was completely knocked out of my body. Had I possessed the wherewithal I might have attempted a plea for clemency at that moment; might have attempted to withdraw my too-brave words. But I doubt it would have availed me much.
Gasping, I tried to haul myself up into a semirecumbent position so that I could find out where my chair had landed. But there was a sharp pain in my side. I’d plainly snapped a rib. I gave up trying to move, for fear of doing myself still greater damage.
All I could do was lie where I’d been so unceremoniously dropped, and wait for the room to do its work. I had invited the powers here to show me their splendors, and I was quite certain they weren’t about to deny themselves the pleasure.

VIII (#ulink_4327f654-75d9-534c-91b8-764cd2d7245a)
Nothing happened. I lay there, my breaths quick and shallow, my stomach ready to revolt, my body sticky with sweat, and the room just waited. The unfixable forms all around me—which had by now entirely blotted out every detail of windows and walls, even carpeted the floor—were almost still, their evolutionary endeavors at an end, at least for the moment.
Had the fact that I’d been injured shocked the presence, or presences, here into reticence, I wondered? Perhaps they felt they’d overstepped the bounds of enthusiasm, and now wanted nothing more than for me to crawl away and tend my wounds? Were they waiting for me to call down to Luman, perhaps? I thought about doing so, but decided against it. This was not a room in which to speak a simple word unless it was strictly necessary. I would be better lying still and quiet, I decided, and let my panicked body calm itself. Then, once I had governed myself, I would try to crawl back to the door. Sooner or later, Luman would come up and fetch me; I felt certain of that. Even if I had to wait all night.
Meanwhile I closed my eyes so as to put the images around me out of the way. Though the pain in my side was by now only a dull throb, my head and eyes were throbbing too; indeed it was not hard to imagine my body had become one fat heart, lying discarded on the floor, pumping its last.
I’m not afraid I’d boasted, moments before the bolt had struck me. But now? Oh, I was very much afraid now. Afraid that I would die here, before I’d worked my way through the catalog of unfinished business that sat at the back of my skull, awaiting my attention and of course never getting it, while all the time growing and growing. Well, it was most likely too late; there would not be time for me to flagellate myself for every dishonorable deed in that list, nor any chance to make good the harms I’d done. Minor harms, to be sure, in the scheme of things; but large enough to regret.
And then, on the back of my neck, a touch; or what I believed to be a touch.
“Luman?” I murmured, and opened my eyes.
It wasn’t Luman; it wasn’t even a human touch, or anything resembling a human touch. It was some presence in the shadows; or the shadows themselves. They had swarmed upon me while my eyes were closed, and were now pressing close, their intimacy in no way threatening, but curiously tender. It was as though these roiling, senseless forms were concerned for my well-being, the way they brushed my nape, my brow, my lips. I stayed absolutely still, holding my breath, half expecting their mood to change and their consolations to turn into something crueler. But no; they simply waited, close upon me.
Relieved, I drew breath. And in the instant of drawing, knew I had again unwittingly done something of consequence.
On the intake I felt the marked air about my head rush toward my open lips, and down my throat. I had no choice but to let it in. By the time I knew what was happening it was too late to resist. I was a vessel being filled. I could feel the marks on my tongue, against my tonsils, in my windpipe—
Nor did I want to choke them off, once I felt them inside me. At their entrance the pain in my side seemed instantly to recede, as did the throbbing in my head and eyes. The fear of a lonely demise here went out of my head and I was removed—in. one breath—from despair to pleasurable ease.
What a maze of manipulations this chamber contained! First banality, then a blow, then this opiated bliss. I would be foolish, I knew, to believe that it did not have more tricks in its repertoire. But while it was content to give me some relief from my pains I was happy to take what was offered. Greedy for it, indeed. I gulped at the air, drawing in great draughts of it. And with every breath I felt further removed from my pain. Nor was it just the hurt in my flank and the throb in my head that was becoming remote; there was a much older ache—a dull, wretched pain that haunted the dead terrain of my lower limbs—that was now, for the first time in almost two human spans, relieved. It wasn’t, I think, that the pain was taken away; only that I no longer knew it as pain. Need I say I gladly banished it from my mind, sobbing gratitude to be relieved of an agony that had attended me so closely I’d forgotten how profound a hurt it was?
And with its passing my eyes—which were more acute than I could ever remember their being, even in my youth—found a new sight to astonish them. The air that I was expelling from my lungs had a bright solidity of its own; it came from me filled with flecks of delicate brilliance, as though a fire was stoked in me, and I was breathing out shards of flame. Was this some representation of my pain, I wondered? The room—or my own delirium’s—way of demonstrating the expulsion? That theory floated for ten seconds, then it was gone. The motes were about to show me their true nature, and it had nothing to do with pain.
They were still flowing from my mouth with every breath, but I wasn’t watching those I’d just exhaled. It was those that had flown from me first which drew my startled sight. They were seeding their luminescence in the shadows—disappeared into the cloudy bed around me. I watched with what I’d like to think was almost scientific detachment. There was a certain logic to all that happened to me here; or so I now supposed. The shadows were only half the equation: they were a site of possibilities, no more than that; the fertile mud of this chamber, waiting for some galvanizing spark to bring forth—to bring forth what?
That was the question. What did the marriage of fire and shadow want to show me?
I didn’t have to wait more than twenty seconds to discover the answer. No sooner had the first of the motes embedded themselves than the shadows surrendered their uncertainty, and blossomed.
The limits of the dome room had been banished. When the visions came—and oh, how they came!—they were vast.
First, out of the shadows, a landscape. The most primal of landscapes, in fact: rock and fire, and a flowing mass of magma. It was like the beginning of the world; red and black. It took me only a moment to make sense of this scene. The next, I was besieged with images, the scene before me transforming with every beat of my heart. Something flowered from the fire, gold and green, rising into a smoky sky. As it rose the blossoms it bore became fruit, and fell back onto the laval ground. I didn’t have time to watch them be consumed. A motion in the smoke off to my right drew my gaze. An animal of some kind—with pale, scarred flanks—galloped through my field of vision. I felt the violence of its hooves in my bowels. And before it had passed from sight came another, and another, then a herd of these beasts—not horses, but something close to them. Had I made these creatures? I wondered. Had I exhaled them with my pain; and the fire too, and the rock and tree that rose from the rock? Was all this my invention, or perhaps some remote memory, which the enchantments of the room had somehow made visible?
Even as I shaped that thought the pale herd changed direction and came pounding at me. I instinctively covered my head, to keep my brains from being beaten out. But for all the fury of their hooves, the passage of the herd did me no more harm than a light breeze; they passed over me, and away.
I looked up. In the few seconds I’d had my eyes averted the ground had given prodigious birth. There were now sights to be seen on every side. Close by me, sliding through the very air from which it was being carved, a snake came, bright as a flower. Before it was even finished with its own creation another creature snatched it up, and my eyes rose to find before me a form that was vaguely human, but winged and sleek. The snake was gone in an instant, swallowed down the throat of this thing, which then settled its fiery eyes on me as though wondering if I too were edible. Plainly I looked like poor fare. Pumping its massive wings the creature rose like a curtain to reveal another drama, stranger still, behind it.
The tree I’d seen bom had spread its seeds in every direction. In a few seconds a forest had sprung up, its churning canopy as dark as a thunderhead. And flitting between the trees were all manner of creatures, rising to nest, falling to rot. Close by me, an antelope stood in the dapple, shitting itself in terror. I looked for the cause. There; a few yards from the creature, something moved between the trees. I glimpsed only the glint off its eye, or tooth, until it suddenly broke cover, and came at its prey in one vast bound. A tiger, the size of four or five men. The antelope made to dart away, but its hunter was too fast. The tiger’s claws sank into the antelope’s silken flank and finished its leap with its prey beneath it. The death wasn’t quick or pretty. The antelope thrashed wildly, though its body was torn wide open, and the tiger was tearing out its stringy throat. I didn’t look away. I watched until the antelope was steaming meat, and the tiger sank down to dine. Only then did my eyes wander in search of new distractions.
There was something bright between the trees, I saw; brighter by the moment. Like a fire in its appetite, it climbed through the canopy as it approached, its advance above outpacing its steadier progress below. There was chaos in the thicket, as every species—hunter and hunted alike—fled before the blaze. But above me there was no escape. The fire came too fast, consuming birds in their flight, the chicks in their nests, monkeys and squirrels on the bough. Countless corpses fell around me, blackened and smoking. White hot ash came with them, powdering the ground.
I wasn’t in fear for my life. By now I knew enough about this place to be confident of my immunity. But the scene appalled me nevertheless. What was I witnessing? Some primal cataclysm that had scoured this world? Undone it from sky to ground? If so, what was its source? This was no natural disaster, I was certain of that. The blaze above me had made itself into a kind of roof, creating in the moment of destruction a fretted vault, in which the dying were immortalized in fire. Tears started into my eyes, the sight moved me so. I reached to brush them out, so as not to miss whatever new glories or horrors were imminent, and as I did so I heard in my heart the first human utterance—other than my own noise—to come my way since I’d entered this chamber.
It was not a word; or if it was it was no word I knew. But it had meaning; at least that was my belief. To my ear it sounded like an open-throated shout raised by some newborn soul in the midst of the blaze; a yell of celebration and defiance. Here I am! it seemed to say. Now we begin!
I raised myself up on my hands to see if I could find the shouter (whether it was man or woman I couldn’t yet decide) but the rain of ash and detritus was like a veil before me: I could see almost nothing through it.
My arms could not support me for more than a few moments. But as I sank back down to the ground, frustrated, the fire overhead—having perhaps exhausted its fuel—went out. The ash ceased falling. And there, standing no more than twenty yards from where I lay, the blaze surrounding her like a vast, fiery flower, was Cesaria. There was nothing about her attitude or her expression that suggested the fire threatened her. Far from it. She seemed rather to be luxuriating in its touch; her hands moving over her body as the conflagration bathed it, as though to be certain its balm penetrated every pore. Her hair, which was even blacker than her skin, flickered and twitched; her breasts seeped milk, her eyes ran silvery tears, her sex, which now and then she fingered, issued streams of blood.
I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. She was too exquisite, too ripe. It seemed to me that all I had seen before me in the last little while—the laval ground, the tree and its fruit, the pale herd, the hunted antelope and the tiger that took it; even the strange, winged creature that had briefly appeared in my vision—all of these were in and of the woman before me. She was their maker and their slaughterer; the sea into which they flowed and the rock from which they’d sprung.
I’d seen enough, I decided. I’d drunk down all I could bear to drink, and still keep my sanity. It was time I turned my back on these visions, and retreated to the safety of the mundane. I needed time to assimilate what I’d seen—and the thoughts that the sights had engendered.
But retreat was no easy business. Ungluing my eyes from the sight of my father’s wife was hard enough; but when I did so, and looked back toward the door, I could not find it. The illusion surrounded me on every side; there was no hint of the real remaining. For the first time since the visions had begun I remembered Luman’s talk of madness, and I was seized with panic. Had I carelessly let my hold on sanity slip, without even noticing that I’d done so? Was I now adrift in this illusion with no solid ground left for my senses?
I remembered with a shudder the crib in which Luman had been bound; and the look of unappeasable rage in his eyes. Was that all that lay before me now? A life without certainty, without solidity; this forest a prison I’d breathed into being, and that other world, where I’d been real and in my wounded fashion content, now a dream of freedom to which I could not return?
I closed my eyes to shut out the illusion. Like a child in terror, I prayed.
“Oh Lord God in Heaven, look down on your servant at this moment; I beg of you…I need you with me.
“Help me. Please. Take these things out of my head. I don’t want them, Lord. I don’t want them.”
Even as I whispered my prayer I felt a rush of energies against me. The blaze between the trees, which had come to a halt a little distance from me, was on the move again. I hastened my prayer, certain that if the fire was coming for me, then so was Cesaria.
“Save me, Lord—”
She was coming to silence me. That was my sudden conviction. She was a part of my insanity and she was coming to hush the words I’d uttered to defend myself against it.
“Lord, please hear me—”
The energies intensified, as though they intended to snatch the words away from my lips.
“Quickly, Lord, quickly! Show me the way out of here! Please! God in Heaven, help me!”
“Hush…” I heard Cesaria say. She was right behind me. It seemed to me I could feel the small hairs at the nape of my neck fizzle and fry. I opened my eyes and looked over my shoulder. There she was, still cocooned in fire, her dark flesh shining. My mouth was suddenly parched; I could barely speak.
“I want…”
“I know,” she said softly. “I know. I know. Poor child. Poor lost child. You want your mind back.”
“Yes…” I said. I was close to sobbing.
“But here it is,” she said. “All around you. The trees. The fire. Me. All of it’s yours.”
“No,” I protested. “I’ve never been in this place before.”
“But it’s been in you. This is where your father came looking for me, an age ago. He dreamed it into you when you were bom.”
“Dreamed it into me…” I said.
“Every sight, every feeling. All he was and all he knew and all he knew was to come…it’s in your blood and in your bowels.”
“Then why am I so afraid of it?”
“Because you’ve held on to a simpler self for so long, you think you’re the sum of what you can hold in your hands. But there are other hands holding you, child. Filled with you, these hands. Brimming with you…”
Did I dare believe any of this?
Cesaria replied as though she’d heard the doubt spoken aloud.
“I can’t reassure you,” she said. “Either you trust that these visions are a greater wisdom than you’ve ever known, or you try to rid yourself of them, and fall again.”
“Fall where?”
“Why back into your own hands, of course,” she said. Was she amused by me? By my tears and my trembling? I believe she was. But then I couldn’t blame her; there was a part of me that also thought I was ridiculous, praying to a God I’d never seen, in order to escape the sight of glories a man of faith would have wept to witness. But I was afraid. Over and over I came back to that: I was afraid.
“Ask your question,” Cesaria said. “You have a question. Ask it.”
“It sounds so childish.”
“Then have your answer and move on. But first you have to ask it.”
“Am I…safe?”
“Safe?”
“Yes. Safe.”
“In your flesh? No. I can’t guarantee your safety in the flesh. But in your immortal form? Nothing and nobody can unbeget you. If you fall through your own fingers, there’s other hands to hold you. I’ve told you that already.”
“And…I think I believe you,” I said.
“So then,” Cesaria said, “you have no reason not to let the memories come.”
She reached out toward me. Her hand was covered with countless snakes: as fine as hairs but brilliantly colored, yellow and red and blue, weaving their way between her fingers like living jewelry.
“Touch me,” she said.
I looked up at her face, which wore an expression of sweet calm, and then back at the hand she wanted me to take.
“Don’t be afraid,” she said to me. “They don’t bite.”
I reached up and took her hand. She was right, the snakes didn’t bite. But they swarmed; over her fingers and onto mine, squirming across the back of my hand and up onto my arm. I was so distracted by the sight of them that I didn’t realize that she was pulling me up off the ground until I was almost standing up. I say standing though I can’t imagine how that’s possible; my legs were, until that moment, incapable of supporting me. Even so I found myself on my feet, gripping her hand, my face inches from her own.
I don’t believe I had ever stood so close to my father’s wife before. Even when I was a child, brought from England and accepted as her stepson, she always kept a certain distance from me. But now I stood (or seemed to stand) with my face inches from her own, feeling the snakes still writhing up my arm, but no longer caring to look down at them: not when I had the sight of her face before me. She was flawless. Her skin, for all its darkness, was possessed of an uncanny luminescence, her gaze, like her mouth, both lush and forbidding. Strands of her hair were lifted by gusts off the blaze around us (to the heat of which I seemed invulnerable) and brushed against my cheek. Their touch, though it was light, was nevertheless profoundly sensual. Feeling it, and seeing her exquisite features, I could not help but imagine what it would be like to be received into her arms. To kiss her, to lie with her, to put a child into her. It was little wonder my father had obsessed on her to his dying day, though all manner of argument and disappointment had soured the love between them.
“So now…” she said.
“Yes?” I swear I would have done anything for her at that moment. I was like a lover standing before his beloved; I could deny her nothing.
“Take it back…” she said.
I didn’t comprehend what she was telling me. ‘Take what back?” I said.
“The breath. The pain. Me. Take it all back. It belongs to you Maddox. Take it back.”
I understood. It was time to repossess all that I’d attempted to put away from myself: the visions that were a part of my blood, though I’d hidden them from myself; the pain that was also, for better or worse, mine. And of course the very air from my lungs, whose expulsion had begun this journey.
“Take it back.”
I wanted to beg a few moments’ grace, to talk with her, perhaps; at least to gaze at her, before my body was returned into its agony. But she was already easing her fingers from my grip.
“Take it back,” she said a third time, and to be certain I obeyed her edict she put her face close to mine and drew a breath of her own, a breath so swift and strong it emptied my mouth, throat and lungs in an instant.
My head reeled; white blotches burnt at the corners of my vision, threatening to occlude the sight before me. But my body acted with a vigor of its own, and without instruction from my will, did as Cesaria had demanded: it took the breath back.
The effect was immediate, and to my enchanted eyes distressing. The fabled face in front of me dissolved as though it had been conjured out of mist and my needy lungs had unmade it. I looked up—hoping to snatch a glimpse of the ancient sky before it too dissolved, but I was too late.
What had seemed unquestionably real moments before came to nothing in a heartbeat. No; not to nothing. It unknitted into marks such as had haunted the air when I’d first entered the room. Some of them still carried traces of color. There were smudges of blue and white above, and around me, where the thicket had not been consumed by fire, a hundred kinds of green; and ahead of me glints of gold from the flame and scarlet-flecked darkness where my father’s wife had stood. But even these remains evaporated in the next heartbeat, and I was back in the arena of gray on gray which I had mistaken for a maze of stained walls.
All of the events that had just unfolded might have seemed a fiction but for one simple fact: I was still standing. Whatever force my mind had unleashed here, it had come with power enough to raise me up off the ground and set me on my feet. And there I stood, amazed; and of course certain I would fall down again at any moment. That moment passed, however; so did the next and the next and the next, and still I stood.
Tentatively I glanced back over my shoulder. There, not six yards from me, was the door through which I’d stepped all these visions ago. Beside it, overturned, lay my wheelchair. I fixed my gaze upon it. Dared I believe it was now redundant?
“Look at you…” said a slurred voice.
I glanced back from the wheelchair to the door, where Luman was now leaning. He’d found another source of liquor while I’d been occupied in the room. Not a bottle but a decanter. He had the glazed look of a well-soused man. “You’re standing,” he said. “When did you learn to do that?”
“I didn’t…” I said. “I mean, I don’t understand why I’m not falling down.”
“Can you walk?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t tried.”
“Well, Lordie, man. Try.”
I looked down at my feet, which had not taken any instruction from me in a hundred and thirty years. “Go on then,” I murmured.
And they moved. Not easily at first, but they moved. First the left, then the right, turning me around to face Luman and the door.
I didn’t stop there. I kept moving, my breath quick and fast, my arms stretched before me to break my fall should my legs suddenly give out. But they didn’t. Some miracle had occurred when Cesaria had raised me up. Her will, or mine, or both combined, had healed me. I could walk; stride. In time, I would run. I would go all the places I’d not seen in my years in the chair. Out into the swamp, and the roads beyond; to the gardens beyond Luman’s Smoke House; to my father’s tomb in the empty stables.
But for now, I was happy to reach the door. So happy indeed that I embraced Luman. Tears were coming, and I could not have held them back if I’d cared to.
“Thank you,” I said to him.
He was quite happy to accept my embrace. Indeed he returned it with equal fervor, burying his face in my neck. He too was sobbing, though I didn’t quite know why. “I don’t see what you have to thank me for,” he said.
“For making me brave,” I said. “For persuading me to go in.”
“You don’t regret it then?”
I laughed, and took his bleary face in my hands. “No, brother, I do not regret it. Not a moment.”
“Were you nearly driven mad?”
“Nearly.”
“And you cursed me?”
“Ripely.”
“But it was worth the suffering?”
“Absolutely.”
He paused, and considered his next question. “Does that mean we can sit down and drink till we puke, like brothers should?” “It would be my pleasure.”

IX (#ulink_0a57a33f-b77e-54c0-b056-291534bf2d0e)
i
What must I do, in the time remaining? Only everything.
I don’t yet know how much I know; but it’s a great deal. There are vast tracts of my nature I never knew existed until now. I lived, I suppose, in a cell of my own creation, while outside its walls lay a landscape of unparalleled richness. But I could not bear to venture there. In my self-delusion I thought I was a minor king, and I didn’t want to step beyond the bounds of what I knew for fear I lost my dominion. I daresay most of us live in such pitiful realms. It takes something profound to transform us; to open our eyes to our own glorious diversity.
Now my eyes were open, and I had no doubt that with my sight came great responsibility. I had to write about what I saw; I had to put it into the words that appear on the very pages you are reading.
But I could bear the weight of that responsibility. Gladly. For now I had the answer to the question: what lay at the center of all the threads of my story? It was myself. I wasn’t an abstracted recanter of these lives and loves. I was—I am—the story itself; its source, its voice, its music. Perhaps to you that doesn’t seem like much of a revelation. But for me, it changes everything. It makes me see, with brutal clarity, the person I once was. It makes me understand for the first time who I am now. And it makes me shake with anticipation of what I must become.
I must tell you not only how the living human world fared, but also how it went among the animals, and among those who had passed from life, yet still wandered the earth. I must tell you about those creatures God made, but also of those who made themselves by force of will or appetite. In other words, there must inevitably be unholy business here, just as there will be sacred, but I cannot guarantee to tell you—or even sometimes to know—which is which.
And in my heart I realize I want most to romance you; to share with you a vision of the world that puts order where there has been discordance and chaos. Nothing happens carelessly. We’re not brought into the world without reason, even though we may never understand that reason. An infant that lives an hour, that dies before it can lay eyes on those who made it, even that soul did not live without purpose: this is my sudden certainty. And it is my duty to sweat until I convince you of the same. Sometimes the stories will recount epic events—wars and insurrection; the fall of dynasties. Sometimes they’ll seem, by contrast, inconsequential, and you’ll wonder what business they have in these pages. Bear with me. Think of these fragments as the shavings off a carpenter’s floor, swept together after some great work has been made. The masterpiece has been taken from the workshop, but what might we learn from a study of some particular curl of wood about the moment of creation? How here the carpenter hesitated, or there moved to complete a form with unerring certainty? Are these shavings then, that seem at first glance redundant, not also part of the great work, being that which has been removed to reveal it?
I won’t be staying here at L’Enfant, searching for these shavings. We have great cities to visit: New York and Washington, Paris and London; and further east, and older than any of these, the legendary city of Samarkand, whose crumbling palaces and mosques still welcome travelers on the Silk Road. Weary of cities? Then we’ll take to the wilds. To the islands of Hawaii and the mountains of Japan, to forests where the Civil War dead still lie, and stretches of sea no mariner ever crossed. They all have their poetry: the glittering cities and the ruined, the watery wastes and the dusty; I want to show you them all. I want to show you everything.
Only everything: prophets, poets, soldiers, dogs, birds, fishes, lovers, potentates, beggars, ghosts. Nothing is beyond my ambition right now, and nothing is beneath my notice. I will attempt to conjure common divinities, and show you the loveliness of filth.
Wait! What am I saying? There’s a kind of madness in my pen; promising all this. It’s suicidal. I’m bound to fail. But it’s what I want to do. Even if I make a wretched fool of myself in the process, it’s what I want to do.
I want to show you bliss; my own, amongst others. And I will most certainly show you despair. That I promise you without the least hesitation. Despair so deep it will lighten your heart to discover that others suffer so much more than you do.
And how will it all end? This showing, this failing. Honestly? I don’t have the slightest idea.
Sitting here, looking out across the lawn, I wonder how far from the borders of our strange little domain the invading world is. Weeks away? Months away? A year? I don’t believe any of us here know the answer to that question. Even Cesaria, with all her powers of prophecy, couldn’t tell me how fast the enemy will be upon us. All I know is that they will come. Must come, indeed, for everybody’s sake. I no longer cling to the idea of this house as a blessed refuge for enchantment. Perhaps it was once that. But it has fallen into decadence; its fine ambitions rotted. Better it be taken apart, hopefully with some measure of dignity; but if not, not.
All I want now is the time to enchant you. After that, I suppose I’m history, just as this house is history. I wouldn’t be surprised if we didn’t both end up at the bottom of the swamp together. And truth to tell, that prospect doesn’t entirely distress me, as long as I’ve done all I need to do before I go.
Which is only everything.

ii
And so at last I come to the beginning.

What place is that? Should I start, perhaps, with Rachel Pallenberg, who was lately married to one of the most handsome and powerful men in America, Mitchell Monroe Geary? Shall I describe her in her sudden desolation, driving around a little town in Ohio, utterly lost, even though this is the place where she was born and raised? Poor Rachel. She has not only left her husband, but several houses and apartments, along with a life that would be considered enviable by all but perhaps one percent of the populace (which percentage already lives that life, and knows it to be largely joyless). Now she has come home only to discover that she doesn’t belong here either, which leaves her asking herself: where do I belong?
It’s a tempting place to begin. Rachel’s so human; her confusions and contradictions are easy to comprehend. But if I begin with her I’m afraid I’m going to get distracted by modernity. I need first to strike a mythic note; to show you something from the distant past, when the world was a living fable.
So, it can’t be Rachel I begin with. She’ll come into these pages soon enough, but not yet.
It must be Galilee. Of course, it must be Galilee. My Galilee, who has been, and is, so many things: adored boy-child, lover of innumerable women (and a goodly number of men), shipwright, sailor, cowboy, stevedore, pool player and pimp; coward, deceiver and innocent. My Galilee.
I won’t begin with one of his great voyages, or one of his notorious romances. I will begin with what happened the day of his baptism. I would not have known any of this before I entered the room beneath the dome. But I know it now, as clearly as my own life. More clearly perhaps, because it’s only a day since I walked out of that chamber, and these memories seem to me but a few hours old.

PART TWO The Holy Family (#ulink_16c262a2-862c-5d7a-9c53-f6888148eb68)

I (#ulink_931251a5-85b8-5be9-92e8-bafa065def44)
Two souls as old as heaven came down to the shore that ancient noon. They wandered, accompanied by a harmonious baying of wolves, out of the forest which in those days still spread to the very fringes of the Caspian Sea, its thicket so dense and its reputation so dire that no sane individual ventured into it more than a stone’s throw. It was not the wolves that people feared meeting between the trees, nor was it bears, nor snakes. It was another order of being entirely; one not made by God; some unforgivable thing that stood to the Creator as a shadow stands to the light.
The locals had legends aplenty about this unholy tribe, though they told them only in whispers, and behind closed doors. Tales of creatures that perched in the branches devouring children they’d tempted out of the sun; or squatted in foetid pools between the trees, adorning themselves with the entrails of murdered lovers. No story-teller along that shore worth his place at the fire failed to invent some new abomination to enrich the stew. Tales begot tales, bred upon one another in ever more perverted form, so that the men, women and children who passed their brief lives in the space between the sea and trees did so in a constant state of fearfulness.
Even at noon, on a day such as this, with the air so clear it rang, and the sky as polished as the flanks of a great fish; even today, in a light so bright no demon would dare show its snout, there was fear.
As proof, let me take you into the company of the four men who were working down at the water’s edge that day, mending their nets in preparation for the evening’s fishing. All were in a state of unrest; this even before the wolves began their chorus.
The oldest of the fishermen was one Kekmet, a man of nearly forty, though he looked half that again. If he had ever known joy there was no sign of it on his furrowed, leathery face. His warmest expression was a scowl, which he presently wore.
“You’re talking through your shithole,” he remarked to the youngest of this quartet, a youth called Zelim, who at the tender age of sixteen had already lost his cousin to a miscarriage. Zelim had earned Kekmet’s scorn by suggesting that as their lives were so hard here on the shore, perhaps everyone in the village should pack up their belongings, and find a better place to live.
“There’s nowhere for us to go,” Kekmet told the young man.
“My father saw the city of Samarkand,” Zelim replied. “He told me it was like a dream.”
“That’s exactly what it was,” the man working alongside Kekmet said. “If your father saw Samarkand it was in his sleep. Or when he’d had too much wine…”
The speaker, whose name was Hassan, raised his own jug of what passed for liquor in this place, a foul-smelling fermented milk he drank from dawn to dusk. He put the jug to his mouth, and tipped it. The filthy stuff overran his lips and dribbled into his greasy beard. He passed the jug to the fourth member of the group, one Baru, a man uncommonly fat by the standards of his peers, and uncommonly ill-tempered. He drank from the jug noisily, then set it down at his side. Hassan made no attempt to reclaim it. He knew better.
“My father…” Zelim began again.
“Never went to Samarkand,” old Kekmet said, with the weary tone of one who doesn’t want to hear the subject at hand spoken of again.
Zelim, however, was not about to allow his dead father’s reputation to be impugned this way. He had doted on Old Zelim, who had drowned four springs before, when his boat had capsized in a sudden squall. There was no question, as far as the son was concerned, that if his father claimed he’d seen the numberless glories of Samarkand, then he had.
“One day I’ll just get up and go,” Zelim said. “And leave you all to rot here.”
“In the name of God go!” fat Baru replied. “You make my ears ache the way you chatter. You’re like a woman.”
He’d no sooner spat this insult out than Zelim was on him, pounding Baru’s round red face with his fists. There were some insults he was prepared to take from his elders, but this was too much. “I’m no woman!” he yelped, beating his target until blood gushed from Baru’s nose.
The other two fishermen simply watched. It happened very seldom that anyone in the village intervened in a dispute. People were allowed to visit upon one another whatever insults and blows they wished; the rest either looked the other way or were glad of the diversion. So what if blood was spilled; so what if a woman was violated? Life went on.
Besides, fat Baru could defend himself. He had a vicious way with him, for all his unruly bulk, and he bucked beneath Zelim so violently the younger man was thrown off him, landing heavily beside one of the boats. Gasping, Baru rolled over on to his knees and came at him afresh.
“I’m going to tear off your balls, you little prick!” he said. “I’m sick of hearing about you and your dog of a father. He was bom stupid and he died stupid.” As he spoke he reached between Zelim’s legs as though to make good on the threat of unmanning, but Zelim kicked out at him, and his bare sole hit the man in his already well-mashed nose. Baru howled, but he wasn’t about to be checked. He grabbed hold of Zelim’s foot, and twisted it, hard, first to the right, then to the left. He might have broken the young man’s ankle—which would have left Zelim crippled for the rest of his life—had his victim not reached into the shallow hull of the boat, and grasped the oar lying there. Baru was too engaged in the task of cracking Zelim’s ankle to notice. Grimacing with the effort of his torment, he looked up to enjoy the agony on Zelim’s face only to see the oar coming at him. He had no time to duck. The paddle slammed against his face, breaking the half dozen good teeth left in his head. He fell back, letting go of Zelim’s leg as he did so, and lay sprawled on the sand with his hands clamped to his wounded face, blood and curses springing from between his fat fingers.
But Zelim hadn’t finished with him. The young man got up, yelping when he put weight on his tortured leg. Then, limping over to Baru’s prone body, he straddled the man, and sat down on his blubbery belly. This time Baru made no attempt to move; he was too dazed. Zelim tore at his shirt, exposing great rolls of flesh.
“You…call me a woman?” Zelim said. Baru moaned incoherently. Zelim caught hold of the man’s blubbery chest. “You’ve got bigger tits than any woman I know.” He slapped the flesh. “Haven’t you?” Again, Baru moaned, but Zelim wasn’t satisfied. “Haven’t you got tits?” he said, reaching up to pull Baru’s hands away from his face. He was a mess beneath. “Did you hear me?” Zelim demanded.
“Yes…” Baru moaned.
“So say it.”
“I’ve…got tits…”
Zelim spat on the man’s bloody face, and got to his feet. He felt suddenly sick, but he was determined he wasn’t going to puke in front of any of these men. He despised them all.
He caught Hassan’s lazy-lidded gaze as he turned.
“You did that well,” the man remarked appreciatively. “Want something to drink?”
Zelim pushed the proffered jug aside and set his sights beyond this little ring of boats, along the shore. His leg hurt as though it were in a fire and burning up, but he was determined to put some distance between himself and the other fishermen before he showed any sign of weakness.
“We haven’t finished with the nets,” Kekmet growled at him, as he limped away.
Zelim ignored him. He didn’t care about the boats or the nets or whether the fish would rise tonight. He didn’t care about Baru or old Kekmet or drunken Hassan. He didn’t care about himself at that moment. He wasn’t proud of what he’d done to Baru, nor was he ashamed. It was done, and now he wanted to forget about it. Dig himself a hole in the sand, till he found a cool, damp place to lie, and forget about it all. A hundred yards behind him now, Hassan was shouting something, and though he couldn’t make sense of the words there was sufficient alarm in the drunkard’s tone that Zelim glanced back to see what the matter was. Hassan had got to his feet, and was gazing off toward the distant trees. Zelim followed the direction of his gaze, and saw that a great number of birds had risen from the branches and were circling over the treetops. It was an unusual sight to be sure, but Zelim would have paid it little mind had the next moment not brought the baying of wolves, and with the wolves, the emergence of two figures from the trees. He was about the same distance from this pair as he was from the men and the boats behind him, and there he stayed, unwilling to take refuge in the company of old Kekmet and the others, but afraid to advance towards these strangers, who strode out of the forest as though there was nothing in its depths to fear, and walked, smiling, down towards the glittering water.

II (#ulink_45a637ef-526b-5c9d-90a4-3dc573c30e4c)
To Zelim’s eyes the couple didn’t look dangerous. In fact it was a pleasure to look at them, after staring at the brutish faces of his fellow fishermen. They walked with an ease that bespoke strength, bespoke limbs that had never been cracked and mismended, never felt the ravages of age. They looked, Zelim thought, as he imagined a king and a queen might look, stepping from their cool palace, having been bathed in rare oils. Their skins, which were very different in color (the woman was blacker than any human being Zelim had ever set eyes upon, the man paler), gleamed in the sunlight, and their hair, which both wore long, seemed to be plaited here and there, so that serpentine forms ran in their manes. All this was extraordinary enough; but there was more. The robes they wore were another astonishment, for their colors were more vivid than anything Zelim had seen in his life. He’d never witnessed a sunset as red as the red in these robes, or set eyes on a bird with plumage as green, or seen with his mind’s eye, in dream or daydream, a treasure that shone like the golden threads that were woven with this red, this green. The robes were long, and hung on their wearers voluptuously, but still it seemed to Zelim he could see the forms of their bodies beneath the folds, and it made him long to see them naked. He felt no shame at this desire; just as he felt no fear that they would chasten him for his scrutiny. Surely beauty like this, when it went out into the world, expected to be doted on.
He hadn’t moved from that place on the bank where he’d first spotted the couple, but their path to the water’s edge was steadily bringing them closer to him, and as the distance between them narrowed his eyes found more to beguile them. The woman, for instance, was wearing copious ornaments of jewelry—anklets, wristlets, necklaces—all as dark as her skin, yet carrying half-concealed in their darkness an iridescence that made them shimmer. The man had decoration of his own: elaborate patterns painted or tattooed upon his thighs, which were visible when his robe, which was cut to facilitate the immensity of his legs, parted.
But the most surprising detail of their appearance did not become clear until they were within a few yards of the water. The woman, smiling at her mate, reached into the folds of her robe, and with the greatest tenderness, lifted out into view a tiny baby. The mite bawled instantly at being parted from the comfort of its mother’s tits—nor did Zelim blame the thing; he would have done the same—but it ceased its complaints when both mother and father spoke to it. Was there ever a more blessed infant than this, Zelim thought. To be in such arms, to gaze up at such faces, to know in your soul that you came from such roots as these? If a greater bliss were possible, Zelim could not imagine it.
The family was at the water now, and the couple had begun to speak to one another. It was no light conversation. Indeed from the way the pair stood facing one another, and the way they shook their heads and frowned, there was some trouble between them.
The child, who had moments before been the center of its parents’ doting attentions, now went unnoticed. The argument was starting to escalate, Zelim saw, and for the first time since setting eyes on the couple he considered the wisdom of retreat. If one of this pair—or God Almighty help him, both—were to lose their temper, he did not care to contemplate the power they could unleash. But however fearful he was, he couldn’t take his eyes off the scene before him. Whatever the risk of staying here and watching, it was nothing beside the sorrow he would feel, denying himself this sight. The world would not show him such glories again, he suspected. He was privileged beyond words to be in the presence of these people. If he went and hid his head, out of some idiot fear, then he deserved the very death he would be seeking to avoid. Only the brave were granted gifts such as this; and if it had come to him by accident (which it surely had) he would surprise fate by rising to the occasion. Keep his eyes wide and his feet planted in the same spot; have himself a story to tell his children, and the children of his children, when this event was a lifetime from now.
He had no sooner shaped these thoughts, however, than the argument between the couple ceased, and he had cause to wish he had fled. The woman had returned her gaze to the baby, but her consort, who’d had his back to Zelim throughout most of the exchange, now cast a look over his shoulder, and fixing his eyes upon Zelim, beckoned to him.
Zelim didn’t move. His legs had turned to stone, his bowels to water; it was all he could do not to befoul his pants. He suddenly didn’t care whether or not he had a tale to tell his children. He only wanted the sand to soften beneath him, so he could slide into the dark, where this man’s gaze could not find him. To make matters worse the woman had bared her breasts and was offering her nipple to the babe’s mouth. Her breasts were sumptuous, gleaming and full. Though he knew it wasn’t wise to be staring past the beckoning husband and ogling the wife, Zelim couldn’t help himself.
And again, the man summoned him with the hook of his fingers, but this time spoke.
“Come here, fisherman,” he said. He didn’t speak loudly, but Zelim heard the command as though it had been spoken at his ear. “Don’t be afraid,” the man went on.
“I can’t…” Zelim began, meaning to tell the man his legs would not obey him.
But before the words were out of his mouth, the summons moved him. Muscles that had been rigid a few heartbeats before were carrying him toward his summons, though he had not consciously instructed them to do so. The man smiled, seeing his will done, and despite his trepidation Zelim could not help but return the smile, thinking as he walked toward his master that if the rest of the men were still watching him they would probably think him courageous, for the casual measure of his stride.
The woman, meanwhile, having settled the infant to sucking, was also looking Zelim’s way, though her expression—unlike that of her husband—was far from friendly. What radiance would have broken from her face had she been feeling better tempered Zelim could only guess. Even in her present unhappy state she was glorious.
Zelim was within perhaps six feet of the couple now, and there stopped, though the man had not ordered him to do so.
“What is your name, fisherman?” the man said.
Before Zelim could reply, the woman broke in. “I’ll not call him by the name of a fisherman.”
“Anything’s better than nothing,” the husband replied.
“No it’s not,” the wife snapped. “He needs a warrior’s name. Or nothing.”
“He may not be a warrior.”
“Well he certainly won’t be a fisherman,” the woman countered.
The man shrugged. The exchange had taken the smile off his face; he was plainly running out of patience with his lady.
“So let’s hear your name,” the woman said.
“Zelim.”
“There then,” the woman said, looking back at her husband. “Zelim! Do you want to call our child Zelim?”
The man looked down at the baby. “He doesn’t seem to care one way or another,” he remarked. Then back at Zelim. “Has the name treated you kindly?” he asked.
“Kindly?” Zelim said.
“He means are you pursued by women?” the wife replied.
“That’s a consideration,” the husband protested mildly. “If a name brings good fortune and beautiful women, the boy will thank us for it.” He looked at Zelim again. “And have you been fortunate?”
“Not particularly,” Zelim replied.
“And the women?”
“I married my cousin.”
“No shame in that. My brother married my half-sister and they were the happiest couple I ever met.” He glanced back at his wife, who was tenderly working the cushion of her breast so as to keep the flow of milk strong. “But my wife’s not going to be content with this, I can see. No offense to you, my friend. Zelim is a fine name, truly. There’s no shame in Zelim.”
“So I can go?”
The man shrugged. “I’m sure you have…fish to catch…yes?”
“As it happens, I hate fish,” Zelim said, surprised to be confessing this fact—which he had never spoken to anyone—in front of two strangers. “All the men in Atva talk about is fish, fish, fish—”
The woman looked up from the face of the nameless child.
“Atva?” she said.
“It’s the name of—”
“—the village,” she said. “Yes, I understand.” She tried the word again, several times, turning the two syllables over. “At. Va. At. Vah.” Then she said: “It’s plain and simple. I like that. You can’t corrupt it. You can’t make some little game of it.”
Now it was her husband’s turn to be surprised. “You want to name my boy after some little village?” he said.
“Nobody will ever know where it came from,” the woman replied. “I like the sound, and that’s what’s important. Look, the child likes the sound too. He’s smiling.”
“He’s smiling because he’s sucking on your tit, wife,” the man replied. “I do the same thing.”
Zelim could not keep himself from laughing. It amused him that these two, who were in every regard extraordinary beings, still chatted like a commonplace husband and wife.
“But if you want Atva, wife,” the man went on, “then I will not stand between you and your desires.”
“You’d better not try,” the woman replied.
“You see how she is with me?” the man said, turning back to Zelim. “I grant her what she wants and she refuses to thank me.” He spoke with the hint of a smile upon his face; he was clearly happy to have this debate ended. “Well, Zelim, I at least will thank you for your help in this.”
“We all of us thank you,” the woman replied. “Especially Atva. We wish you a happy, fertile life.”
“You’re very welcome,” Zelim murmured.
“Now,” said the husband, “if you’ll excuse us? We must baptize the child.”

III (#ulink_de15e550-dc0f-52fc-ad89-a0758f3f316a)
Life in Atva was never the same after the day the family went down to the water.
Zelim was of course questioned closely as to the nature of his exchange with the man and woman, firstly by old Kekmet, then by just about anybody in the village who wanted to catch his arm. He told the truth, in his own plain way. But even as he told it, he knew in his heart that recounting the words he had exchanged with the child’s mother and father was not the whole truth, or anything like it. In the presence of this pair he had felt something wonderful; feelings his limited vocabulary could not properly express. Nor, in truth, did he entirely wish to express them. There was a kind of possessiveness in him about the experience, which kept him from trying too hard to tell those who interrogated him the true nature of the encounter. The only person he would have wished to tell was his father. Old Zelim would have understood, he suspected; he would have helped with the words, and when the words failed both of them, then he’d have simply nodded and said: “It was the same for me in Samarkand,” which had always been his response when somebody remarked upon the miraculous. It was the same for me in Samarkand…
Perhaps people knew Zelim was not telling them all he knew, because once they’d asked all their questions, he began to notice a distinct change in their attitude to him. People who’d been friendly to him all his life now looked at him strangely when he smiled at them, or looked the other way, pretending not to see him. Others were even more obvious about their distaste for his company; especially the women. More than once he heard his name used loudly in conversation, accompanied by spitting, as though the very syllables of his name carried a bitter taste.
It was, of all people, old Kekmet who told him what was being said.
“People are saying you’re poisoning the village,” he said. This seemed so absurd Zelim laughed out loud. But Kekmet was deadly serious. “Baru’s at the heart of it,” he went on. “He hates you, after the way you spoiled that fat face of his. So he’s spreading stories about you.”
“What kind of stories?”
“That you and the demons were exchanging secret signs—”
“Demons?”
“That’s what he says they were, those people. How else could they have come out of the forest, he says. They couldn’t be like us and live in the forest. That’s what he says.”
“And everyone believes him?” Here Kekmet fell silent. “Do you believe him?”
Kekmet looked away toward the water. “I’ve seen a lot of strange things in my life,” he said, the coarseness going from his voice. “Out there particularly. Things moving in the water that I’d never want to find in my net. And in the sky sometimes…shapes in the clouds…” He shrugged. “I don’t know what to believe. It doesn’t really matter what’s true and what isn’t. Baru’s said what he’s said, and people believe him.”
“What should I do?”
“You can stay and wait it out. Hope that people forget. Or you can leave.”
“And go where?”
“Anywhere but here.” Kekmet looked back at Zelim. “If you ask me, there’s no life for you here as long as Baru’s alive.”
That was effectively the end of the conversation. Kekmet made his usual curt farewell, and left Zelim to examine the two available options. Neither was attractive. If he stayed, and Baru continued to stir up enmity against him, his life would become intolerable. But to leave the only home he’d ever known, to stray beyond this strip of rock and sand, this huddled collection of houses, and venture out into the wide world without any clue as to where he was going—that would take more courage than he thought he possessed. He remembered his father’s tales of the hardships he claimed to have suffered on his way to Samarkand: the terrors of the desert; the bandits and the djinns. He didn’t feel ready to face such threats; he was too afraid.
Almost a month passed; and he persuaded himself that there was a softening in people’s attitudes to him. One day, one of the women actually smiled at him, he thought. Things weren’t as bad as Kekmet had suggested. Given time the villagers would come to realize how absurd their superstitions were. In the meantime he simply had to be careful not to give them any cause for doubt.
He had not taken account of how fate might intervene.
It happened like this. Since his encounter with the couple on the shore he had been obliged to take his boat out single-handed; nobody wanted to share it with him. This had inevitably meant a smaller catch. He couldn’t throw the net as far from the boat when he was on his own. But this particular day, despite the fact that he was fishing on his own, he was lucky. His net was fairly bursting when he hauled it up into the boat, and he paddled back to the shore feeling quite pleased with himself. Several of the other fishermen were already unloading their catches, so a goodly number of villagers were down at the water’s edge, and inevitably more than a few pairs of eyes were cast his way as he hauled his net out of the boat to study its contents.
There were crayfish, there were catfish, there was even a small sturgeon. But caught at the very bottom of his net, and still thrashing there as though it possessed more life than it was natural for a creature to possess, was a fish Zelim had never set eyes on before. It was larger than any of the rest of his catch, its heaving flanks not green or silvery, but a dull red. The creature instantly drew attention. One of the women declared loudly it was a demon-fish. Look at it looking at us, she said, her voice shrill. Oh God in Heaven preserve us, look how it looks!
Zelim said nothing: he was almost as discomfited by the sight of the fish as the women; it did seem to be watching them all with its swiveling eye, as if to say: you’re all going to die like me, sooner or later, gasping for breath.
The woman’s panic spread. Children began to cry and were ushered away, instructed not to look back at the demon, or at Zelim, who’d brought this thing to shore.
“It’s not my fault,” Zelim protested. “I just found it in my net.”
“But why did it swim into your net?” Baru piped up, pushing through the remaining onlookers to point his fat finger at Zelim. “I’ll tell you why. Because it wanted to be with you!”
“Be with me?” Zelim said. The notion was so ridiculous, he laughed. But he was the only one doing so. Everybody else was either looking at his accuser or at the evidence, which was still alive, long after the rest of the net’s contents had perished. “It’s just a fish!” Zelim said.
“I certainly never saw its like,” said Baru. He scanned the crowd, which was assembling again, in anticipation of a confrontation. “Where’s Kekmet?”
“I’m here,” the old man said. He was standing at the back of the crowd, but Baru called him forth. He came, though somewhat reluctantly. It was plain what Baru intended.
“How long have you fished here?” Baru asked Kekmet.
“Most of my life,” Kekmet replied. “And before you ask, no I haven’t seen a fish that looks like this.” He glanced up at Zelim. “But that doesn’t mean it’s a demon-fish, Baru. It only means…we haven’t seen one before.”
Baru’s expression grew sly. “Would you eat it?” he said.
“What’s that got to do with anything?” Zelim put in.
“Baru’s not talking to you,” one of the women said. She was a bitter creature, this particular woman, her face as narrow and sickly pale as Baru’s was round and red. “You answer, Kekmet! Go on. You tell us if you’d put that in your stomach.” She looked down at the fish, which by some unhappy accident seemed to swivel its bronze eye so as to look back at her. She shuddered, and without warning snatched Kekmet’s stick from him and began to beat the thing, not once or twice, but twenty, thirty times, striking it so hard its flesh was pulped. When she had finished, she threw the stick down on the sand, and looked up at Kekmet with her lips curled back from her rotted teeth. “How’s that?” she said. “Will you have it now?”
Kekmet shook his head. “Believe what you want,” he said. “I don’t have the words to change your minds. Maybe you’re right, Baru. Maybe we are all cursed. I’m too old to care.”
With that he reached out and caught hold of the shoulder of one of the children, so as to have some support now that he’d lost his stick. And guiding the child ahead of him, he limped away from the crowd.
“You’ve done all the harm you’re going to do,” Baru said to Zelim. “You have to leave.”
Zelim put up no argument. What was the use? He went to his boat, picked up his gutting knife, and went back to his house. It took him less than half an hour to pack his belongings. When he went back into the street, it was empty; his neighbors—whether out of shame or fear he didn’t know or care—had gone into hiding. But he felt their eyes on him as he departed; and almost wished as he went that what Baru had accused him of was true, and that if he were to now curse those he was leaving behind with blindness they’d wake tomorrow with their eyes withered in their sockets.

IV (#ulink_be1ba554-6558-5d40-a9fb-968ca5ff97fa)
Let me tell you what happened to Zelim after he left Atva.
Determined to prove—if only to himself—that the forest from which the family had emerged was not a place to be afraid of, he made his departure through the trees. It was damp and cold, and more than once he contemplated retreating to the brightness of the shore, but after a time such thoughts, along with his fear, dissipated. There was nothing here that was going to do harm to his soul. When shit fell on or about him, as now and then it did, the shitter wasn’t some child-devouring beast as he’d been brought up to believe it’d be, just a bird. When something moved in the thicket, and he caught the gleam of an eye, it was not the gaze of a nomadic djinn that fell on him, but that of a boar or a wild dog.
His caution evaporated along with his fear, and much to his surprise his spirits grew lighter. He began to sing to himself as he went. Not the songs the fishermen sang when they were out together, which were invariably mournful or obscene, but the two or three little songs he remembered from his childhood. Simple ditties which brought back happy memories.
For food, he ate berries, washed down with water from the streams that wound between the trees. Twice he came upon nests in the undergrowth and was able to dine on raw eggs. Only at night, when he was obliged to rest (once the sun went down he had no way of knowing the direction in which he was traveling), did he become at all anxious. He had no means of lighting a fire, so he was obliged to sit in the darkened thicket until dawn, praying a bear or a pack of wolves didn’t come sniffing for a meal.
It took him four days and nights to get to the other side of the forest. By the time he emerged from the trees he’d become so used to the gloom that the bright sun made his head ache. He lay down in the grass at the fringe of the trees, and dozed there in the warmth, thinking he’d set off again when the sun was a little less bright. In fact, he slept until twilight, when he was woken by the sound of voices rising and falling in prayer. He sat up. A little distance from where he’d laid his head there was a ridge of rocks, like the spine of some dead giant, and on the narrow trail that wound between these boulders was a small group of holy men, singing their prayers as they walked. Some were carrying lamps, by which light he saw their faces: ragged beards, deeply furrowed brows, sunbaked pates; these were men who’d suffered for their faith, he thought.
He got up and limped in their direction, calling to them as he approached so that they wouldn’t be startled by his sudden appearance. Seeing him, the men came to a halt; a few suspicious glances were exchanged.
“I’m lost and hungry,” Zelim said to them. “I wonder if you have some bread, or if you can at least tell me where I can find a bed for the night.”
The leader, who was a burly man, passed his lamp to his companion, and beckoned Zelim.
“What are you doing out here?” the monk asked.
“I came through the forest,” Zelim explained.
“Don’t you know this is a bad road?” the monk said. His breath was the foulest thing Zelim had ever smelt. “There are robbers on this road,” the monk went on. “Many people have been beaten and murdered here.” Suddenly, the monk reached out and caught hold of Zelim’s arm, pulling him close. At the same time he pulled out a large knife, and put it to Zelim’s throat. “Call them!” the monk said.
Zelim didn’t understand what he was talking about. “Call who?”
“The rest of your gang! You tell them I’ll slit your throat if they make a move on us.”
“No, you’ve got me wrong. I’m not a bandit.”
“Shut up!” the monk said, pressing his blade into Zelim’s flesh so deeply that blood began to run. “Call to them!”
“I’m on my own,” Zelim protested. “I swear! I swear on my mother’s eyes, I’m not a bandit.”
“Slit his throat, Nazar,” said one of the monks.
“Please, don’t do that,” Zelim begged. “I’m an innocent man.”
“There are no innocent men left,” Nazar, the man who held him, said. “These are the last days of the world, and everyone left alive is corrupt.”
Zelim assumed this was high-flown philosophy, such as only a monk might understand. “If you say so,” he replied. “What do I know? But I tell you I’m not a bandit. I’m a fisherman.”
“You’re a very long way from the sea,” said the ratty little monk to whom Nazar had passed his lamp. He leaned in to peer at Zelim, raising the light a little as he did so. “Why’d you leave the fish behind?”
“Nobody liked me,” Zelim replied. It seemed best to be honest.
“And why was that?”
Zelim shrugged. Not too honest, he thought. “They just didn’t,” he said.
The man studied Zelim a little longer, then he said to the leader: “You know, Nazar, I think he’s telling the truth.” Zelim felt the blade at his neck dig a little less deeply into his flesh. “We thought you were one of the bandits’ boys,” the monk explained to him, “left in our path to distract us.”
Once again, Zelim felt he was not entirely understanding what he was being told. “So…while you’re talking to me, the bandits come?”
“Not talking,” Nazar said. His knife slid down from Zelim’s neck to the middle of his chest; there it cut at Zelim’s already ragged shirt. The monk’s other hand slid through the shirt, while the knife continued on its southward journey, until it was pressed against the front of Zelim’s breeches.
“He’s a little old for me, Nazar,” the monk’s companion commented, and turning his back on Zelim sat down among the rocks.
“Am I on my own then?” Nazar wanted to know.
By way of answering him, three of the men closed on Zelim like hungry dogs. He was wrested to the ground, where his clothes were pulled seam from seam, and the monks proceeded to molest him, ignoring his shouts of protest, or his pleas to be left alone. They made him lick their feet and their fundaments, and suck their beards and nipples and purple-headed cocks. They held him down while one by one they took him, not caring that he bled and bled.
While this was going on the other monks, who’d retired to the rocks, read, or drank wine or lay on their backs watching the stars. One was even praying. All this Zelim could see because he deliberately looked away from his violators, determined not to let them see the terror in his eyes; and equally determined not to weep. So instead he watched the others, and waited for the men who were violating him to be finished.
He fully expected to be murdered when they were done with him, but this, at least, he was spared. Instead the monks had the night with him, on and off, using him every way their desires could devise, and then, just before dawn left him there among the rocks, and went on their way.

The sun came up, but Zelim closed his eyes against it. He didn’t want to look at the light ever again. He was too ashamed. But by midday the heat made him get to his knees and drag himself into the comparative cool of the rocks. There, to his surprise, he found that one of the holy men—perhaps the one who had been praying—had left a skin of wine, some bread, and a piece of dried fruit. It was no accident, he knew. The man had left it for Zelim.
Now, and only now, did the fisherman allow the tears to come, moved not so much by his own agonies, but by the fact that there had been one who’d cared enough for him to do him this kindness.
He drank and ate. Maybe it was the potency of the wine, but he felt remarkably renewed, and covering his nakedness as best he could he got up from his niche among the rocks and set off down the trail. His body still ached, but the bleeding had stopped, and rather than lie down when night fell he walked under the stars. Somewhere along the way a bony-flanked she-dog came creeping after him, looking perhaps for the comfort of human company. He didn’t shoo her away; he too wanted company. After a time the animal became brave enough to walk at Zelim’s heel, and finding that her new master didn’t kick her, was soon trotting along as though they’d been together since birth.

The hungry bitch’s arrival in his life marked a distinct upturn in Zelim’s fortunes. A few hours later he came into a village many times larger than Atva, where he found a large crowd in the midst of what he took to be some kind of celebration. The streets were thronged with people shouting and stamping, and generally having a fine time.
“Is it a holy day?” Zelim asked a youth who was sitting on a doorstep, drinking.
The fellow laughed. “No,” he said, “it’s not a holy day.”
“Well then why’s everybody so happy?”
“We’re going to have some hangings,” the youth replied, with a lazy grin.
“Oh…I…see.”
“You want to come and watch?”
“Not particularly.”
“We might get ourselves something to eat,” the youth said. “And you look as though you need it.” He glanced Zelim up and down. “In fact you look like you need a lot of things. Some breeches, for one thing. What happened to you?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“That bad, huh? Well then you should come to the hangings. My father already went, because he said it’s good to see people who are more unfortunate than you. It’s good for the soul, he said. Makes you thankful.”
Zelim saw the wisdom in this, so he and his dog accompanied the boy through the village to the market square. It took them longer to dig through the crowd than his guide had anticipated, however, and by the time they got there all but one of the men who were being hanged was already dangling from the makeshift gallows. He knew all the prisoners instantly: the ragged beards, the sunburned pates. These were his violators. All of them had plainly suffered horribly before the noose had taken their lives. Three of them were missing their hands; one of them had been blinded; others, to judge by the blood that glued their clothes to their groins, had lost their manhoods to the knife.
One of this unmanned number was Nazar, the leader of the gang, who was the last of the gang left alive. He could not stand, so two of the villagers were holding him up while a third slipped the noose over his head. His rotted teeth had been smashed out, and his whole body covered with cuts and bruises. The crowd was wildly happy at the sight of the man’s agonies. With every twitch and gasp they applauded and yelled his crimes at him. “Murderer!” they yelled. “Thief!” they yelled. “Sodomite!” they yelled.
“He’s all that and more, my father says,” the youth told Zelim. “He’s so evil, my father says, that when he dies we might see the Devil come up onto the gallows and catch his soul as it comes out of his mouth!”
Zelim shuddered, sickened at the thought. If the boy’s father was right, and the sodomite robber-monk had been the spawn of Satan, then perhaps that unholiness had been passed into his own body, along with the man’s spittle and seed. Oh, the horror of that thought; that he was somehow the wife of this terrible man and would be dragged down into the same infernal place when his time came.
The noose was now about Nazar’s neck, and the rope pulled tight enough that he was pulled up like a puppet. The men who’d been supporting him stood away, so that they could help haul on the rope. But in the moments before the rope tightened about his windpipe, Nazar started to speak. No; not speak; shout, using every last particle of strength in his battered body.
“God shits on you all!” he yelled. The crowd hurled abuse at him. Some threw stones. If he felt them breaking his bones, he didn’t respond. He just kept shouting. “He put a thousand innocent souls into our hands! He didn’t care what we did to them! So you can do whatever you want to me—”
The rope was tightening around his throat as the men hauled on the other end. Nazar was pulled up on to tip-toe. And still he shouted, blood and spittle coming with the words.
“—there is no hell! There is no paradise! There is no—”
He got no further; the noose closed off his windpipe and he was hauled into the air. But Zelim knew what word had been left unsaid. God. The monk had been about to cry: there is no God.
The crowd was in ecstasies all around him; cheering and jeering and spitting at the hanged man as he jerked around on the end of the rope. His agonies didn’t last long. His tortured body gave out after a very short time, much to the crowd’s disapproval, and he hung from the rope as though the grace of life had never touched him. The boy at Zelim’s side was plainly disappointed.
“I didn’t see Satan, did you?”
Zelim shook his head, but in his heart he thought: maybe I did. Maybe the Devil’s just a man like me. Maybe he’s many men; all men, maybe.
His gaze went along the row of hanged men, looking for the one who had prayed while he’d been raped; the one Zelim suspected had left him the wine, bread, and fruit. Perhaps he’d also persuaded his companions to spare their victim; Zelim would never know. But here was the strange thing. In death, the men all looked the same to him. What had made each man particular seemed to have drained away, leaving their faces deserted, like houses whose owners had departed, taking every sign of particularity with them. He couldn’t tell which of them had prayed on the rock, or which had been particularly vicious in their dealings with him. Which had bitten him like an animal; which had pissed in his face to wake him when he’d almost fainted away; which had called him by the name of a woman as they’d ploughed him. In the end, they were virtually indistinguishable as they swung there.
“Now they’ll be cut up and their heads put on spikes,” the youth was explaining, “as a warning to bandits.”
“And holy men,” Zelim said.
“They weren’t holy men,” the youth replied.
His remark was overheard by a woman close by. “Oh yes they were,” she said. “The leader, Nazar, had been a monk in Samarkand. He studied some books he should never have studied, and that was why he became what he became.”
“What kind of books?” Zelim asked her.
She gave him a fearful look. “It’s better we don’t know,” she said.
“Well I’m going to find my father,” the youth said to Zelim. “I hope things go well with you. God be merciful.”
“And to you,” Zelim said.

V (#ulink_e7968662-f901-5003-8d2b-f194704e5a3c)
i
Zelim had seen enough; more than enough, in truth. The crowd was working itself up into a fresh fever as the bodies were being taken down in preparation for their beheading; children were being lifted up onto their parents’ shoulders so they could see the deed done. Zelim found the whole spectacle disgusting. Turning away from the scene, he bent down, picked up his flea-bitten dog, and started to make his way to the edge of the assembly.
As he went he heard somebody say: “Are you sickened at the sight of blood?”
He glanced over his shoulder. It was the woman who’d spoken of the unholy books in Samarkand.
“No, I’m not sickened,” Zelim said sourly, thinking the woman was impugning his manhood. “I’m just bored. They’re dead. They can’t suffer any more.”
“You’re right,” the woman said with a shrug. She was dressed, Zelim saw, in widow’s clothes, even though she was still young; no more than a year or two older than he. “It’s only us who suffer,” the woman went on. “Only us who are left alive.”
He understood absolutely the truth in what she was saying, in a way that he could not have understood before his terrible adventure on the road. That much at least the monks had given him: a comprehension of somebody else’s despair.
“I used to think there were reasons…” he said softly.
The crowd was roaring. He glanced back over his shoulder. A head was being held high, blood running from it, glittering in the bright sun.
“What did you say?” the woman asked him, moving closer to hear him better over the noise.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said.
“Please tell me,” she replied, “I’d like to know.”
He shrugged. He wanted to weep, but what man wept openly in a place like this?
“Why don’t you come with me?” the woman said. “All my neighbors are here, watching this stupidity. If you come back with me, there’ll be nobody to see us. Nobody to gossip about us.”
Zelim contemplated the offer for a moment or two. “I have to bring my dog,” he said.

ii
He stayed for six years. Of course after a week or so the neighbors began to gossip behind their hands, but this wasn’t like Atva; people weren’t forever meddling in your business. Zelim lived quite happily with the widow Passak, whom he came to love. She was a practical woman, but with the front door and the shutters closed she was also very passionate. This was especially true, for some reason, when the winds came in off the desert; burning hot winds that carried a blistering freight of sand. When those winds blew the widow would be shameless—there was nothing she wouldn’t do for their mutual pleasure, and he loved her all the more for it.
But the memories of Atva, and of the glorious family that had come down to the shore that distant day, never left him. Nor did the hours of his violation, or the strange thoughts that had visited him as Nazar and his gang hung from the gallows. All of these experiences remained in his heart, like a stew that had been left to simmer, and simmer, and as the years passed was more steadily becoming tastier and more nourishing.
Then, after six years, and many happy days and nights with Passak, he realized the time had come for him to sit down and eat that stew.

It happened during one of these storms that came off the desert. He and Passak had made love not once but three times. Instead of falling asleep afterward, however, as Passak had done, Zelim now felt a strange irritation behind his eyes, as though the wind had somehow whistled its way into his skull and was stirring the meal one last time before serving it.
In the corner of the room the dog—who was by now old and blind—whined uneasily.
“Hush, girl,” he told her. He didn’t want Passak woken; not until he had made sense of the feelings that were haunting him.
He put his head in his hands. What was to become of him? He had lived a fuller life than he’d ever have lived if he’d stayed in Atva, but none of it made any sense. At least in Atva there had been a simple rhythm to things. A boy was born, he grew strong enough to become a fisherman, he became a fisherman, and then weakened again, until he was as frail as a baby, and then he perished, comforted by the fact that even as he passed from the world new fishermen were being bom. But Zelim’s life had no such certainties in it. He’d stumbled from one confusion to another, finding agony where he had expected to find consolation, and pleasure where he’d expected to find sorrow. He’d seen the Devil in human form, and the faces of divine spirits made in similar shape. Life was not remotely as he’d expected it to be.
And then he thought: I have to tell what I know. That’s why I’m here; I have to tell people all that I’ve seen and felt, so that my pain is never repeated. So that those who come after me are like my children, because I helped shape them, and made them strong.
He got up, went to his sweet Passak where she lay, and knelt down beside the narrow bed. He kissed her cheek. She was already awake, however, and had been awake for a while.
“If you leave, I’ll be so sad,” she said. Then, after a pause: “But I knew you’d go one day. I’m surprised you’ve stayed so long.”
“How did you know—?”
“You were talking aloud, didn’t you realize? You do it all the time.” A single tear ran from the corner of her eye, but there was no sorrow in her voice. “You are a wonderful man, Zelim. I don’t think you know how truly wonderful you are. And you’ve seen things…maybe they were in your head, maybe they were real, I don’t know…that you have to tell people about.” Now it was he who wept, hearing her speak this way, without a trace of reprimand. “I have had such years with you, my love. Such joy as I never thought I’d have. And it’d be greedy of me to ask you for more, when I’ve had so much already.” She raised her head a little way, and kissed him. “I will love you better if you go quickly,” she said.
He started to sob. All the fine thoughts he’d had a few minutes before seemed hollow now. How could he think of leaving her?
“I can’t go,” he said. “I don’t know what put the thought in my head.”
“Yes you will,” she replied. “If you don’t go now, you’ll go sooner or later. So go.”
He wiped his tears away. “No,” he said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

So he stayed. The storms still came, month on month, and he and the widow still coupled fiercely in the little house, while the fire muttered in the hearth and the wind chattered on the roof. But now his happiness was spoiled; and so was hers. He resented her for keeping him under her roof, even though she’d been willing to let him go. And she in her turn grew less loving of him, because he’d not had the courage to go, and by staying he was killing the sweetest thing she’d ever known, which was the love between them.
At last, the sadness of all this killed her. Strange to say, but this brave woman, who had survived the grief of being widowed, could not survive the death of her love for a man who stayed at her side. He buried her, and a week later, went on his way.

He never again settled down. He’d known all he needed to know of domestic life; from now on he would be a nomad. But the stew that had bubbled in him for so long was still good. Perhaps all the more pungent for those last sad months with Passak. Now, when he finally began his life’s work, and started to teach by telling of his experiences, there was the poignancy of their soured love to add to the account: this woman, to whom he had once promised his undying devotion—saying what he felt for her was imperishable—soon came to seem as remote a memory as his youth in Atva. Love—at least the kind of love that men and women share—was not made of eternal stuff. Nor was its opposite. Just as the scars that Nazar and his men had left faded with the years, so had the hatred Zelim had felt for them.
Which is not to say he was a man without feeling; far from it. In the thirty-one years left to him he would become known as a prophet, as a storyteller and as a man of rare passion. But that passion did not resemble the kind that most of us feel. He became, despite his humble origins, a creature of subtle and elevated emotion. The parables he told would not have shamed Christ in their simplicity, but unlike the plain and good lessons taught by Jesus, Zelim imparted through his words a far more ambiguous vision; one in which God and the Devil were constantly engaged in a game of masks.

There may be occasion to tell you some of his parables as this story goes on, but for now, I will tell you only how he died. It happened, of course, in Samarkand.

VI (#ulink_4ea3e504-a675-5293-8e95-3ca484c19cdf)
Let me first say a little about the city, given that its glamour had fueled so many of the stories that Zelim had heard as a child. The teller of those tales. Old Zelim, was not the only man to dote on Samarkand, a city he had never seen. It was a nearly mythical place in those times. A city, it was said, of heartbreaking beauty, where thoughts and forms and deeds that were unimaginable in any other spot on earth were commonplace. Never such women as there; nor boys; nor either so free with their flesh as in Samarkand’s perfumed streets. Never such men of power as there; nor such treasures as men of power accrue, nor such palaces as they build for ambition’s sake, nor mosques they build to save their souls.

Then—if all these glories were not enough—there was the miraculous fact of the city’s very existence, when in all directions from where it stood there was wilderness. The traders who passed through it on the Silk Road to Turkistan and China, or carried spices from India or salt from the steppes, crossed vast, baking deserts, and freezing gray wastelands, before they came in sight of the river Zarafshan, and the fertile lands from which Samarkand’s towers and minarets rose, like flowers that no garden had ever brought forth. Their gratitude at being delivered out of the wastes they’d crossed inspired them to write songs and poems about the city (extolling it perhaps more than it deserved) and the songs and poems in their turn brought more traders, more beautiful women, more builders of petaled towers, so that as the generations passed Samarkand rose to its own legendary reputation, until the adulation in those songs and poems came to seem ungenerous. It was not, let me point out, simply a place of sensual excesses. It was also a site of learning, where philosophers were extolled, and books written and read, and theories about the beginning of the world and its end endlessly debated over glasses of tea. In short, it was altogether a miraculous city.
Three times in his life Zelim joined a caravan on the Silk Road and made his way to Samarkand. The first time was just a couple of years after the death of Passak, and he traveled on foot, having no money to purchase an animal strong enough to survive the trek. It was a journey that tested to its limits his hunger to see the place: by the time the fabled towers came in sight he was so exhausted—his feet bloody, his body trembling, his eyes red-raw from days of walking in clouds of somebody else’s dust—that he simply fell down in the sweet grass beside the river and slept for the rest of the day there outside the walls, oblivious.
He awoke at twilight, washed the sand from his eyes, and looked up. The sky was opulent with color; tiny knitted rows of high cloud, all amber toward the west, blue purple on their eastern flank, and birds in wheeling flocks, circling the glowing minarets as they returned to their roosts. He got to his feet and entered the city as the night fires around the walls were being stoked, their fuel such fragrant woods that the very air smelt holy.
Inside, all the suffering he’d endured to get here was forgotten. Samarkand was all that his father had said it would be, and more. Though Zelim was little more than a beggar here, he soon realized that there was a market for his storytelling. And that he had much to tell. People liked to hear him talk about the baptism at Atva; and the forest; and Nazar and his fate. Whether they believed these were accounts of true events or not didn’t matter: they gave him money and food and friendship (and in the case of several well-bred ladies, nights of love) to hear him tell his tales. He began to extend his repertoire: extemporize, enrich, invent. He created new stories about the family on the shore, and because it seemed people liked to have a touch of philosophy woven into their entertainments, introduced his themes of destiny into the stories, ideas that he’d nurtured in his years with Passak.
By the time he left Samarkand after that first visit, which lasted a year and a half, he had a certain reputation, not simply as a fine storyteller, but as a man of some wisdom. And now, as he traveled, he had a new subject: Samarkand.
There, he would say, the highest aspirations of the human soul, and the lowest appetites of the flesh, are so closely laid, that it’s hard sometimes to tell one from the other. It was a point of view people were hungry to hear, because it was so often true of their own lives, but so seldom admitted to. Zelim’s reputation grew.

The next time he went to Samarkand he traveled on the back of a camel, and had a fifteen-year-old boy to prepare his food and see to his comfort, a lad who’d been apprenticed to him because he too wanted to be a storyteller. When they got to the city, it was inevitably something of a disappointment to Zelim. He felt like a man who’d returned to the bed of a great love only to find his memories sweeter than the reality. But this experience was also the stuff of parable; and he’d only been in the city a week before his disappointment was part of a tale he told.
And there were compensations: reunions with friends he’d made the first time he’d been here; invitations into the palatial homes of men who would have scorned him as an uneducated fisherman a few years before, but now declared themselves honored when he stepped across their thresholds. And the profoundest compensation, his discovery that here in the city there existed a tiny group of young scholars who studied his life and his parables as though he were a man of some significance. Who could fail to be flattered by that? He spent many days and nights talking with them, and answering their questions as honestly as he was able.
One question in particular loitered in his brain when he left the city. “Do you think you’ll ever see again the people you met on the shore?” a young scholar had asked him.
“I don’t suppose so,” he’d said to the youth. “I was nothing to them.”
“But to the child, perhaps…” the scholar had replied.
“To the child?” said Zelim. “I doubt he even knew I existed. He was more interested in his mother’s milk than he was in me.”
The scholar persisted, however. “You teach in your stories,” he said, “how things always come round. You talk in one of them about the Wheel of the Stars. Perhaps it will be the same with these people. They’ll be like the stars. Falling out of sight…”
“…and rising again,” Zelim said.
The scholar offered a luminous smile to hear his thoughts completed by his master. “Yes. Rising again.”
“Perhaps,” Zelim had said. “But I won’t live in expectation of it.”
Nor did he. But, that said, the young scholar’s observation had lingered with him, and had in its turn seeded another parable: a morose tale about a man who lives in anticipation of a meeting with someone who turns out to be his assassin.

And so the years went on, and Zelim’s fame steadily grew. He traveled immense distances—to Europe, to India, to the borders of China, telling his stories, and discovering that the strange poetry of what he invented gave pleasure to every variety of heart.
It was another eighteen years before he came again to Samarkand; this—though he didn’t know it—for the last time.

VII (#ulink_acaf6f2c-1667-555a-b268-a28f6ef3d969)
By now Zelim was getting on in years and though his many journeys had made him wiry and resilient, he was feeling his age that autumn. His joints ached; his morning motions were either water or stone; he slept poorly. And when he did sleep, he dreamed of Atva; or rather of its shore, and of the holy family. His life of wisdom and pain had been caused by that encounter. If he’d not gone down to the water that day then perhaps he’d still be there among the fishermen, living a life of utter spiritual impoverishment; never having known enough to make his soul quake, nor enough to make it soar.
So there he was, that October, in Samarkand, feeling old and sleeping badly. There was little rest for him, however. By now the number of his devotees had swelled, and one of them (the youth who’d asked the question about things coming round) had founded a school. They were all young men who’d found a revolutionary zeal buried in Zelim’s parables, which in turn nourished their hunger to see humanity unchained. Daily, he would meet with them. Sometimes he would let them question him, about his life, about his opinions. On other days—when he was weary of being interrogated—he would tell a story.
This particular day, however, the lesson had become a little of both. One of the students had said: “Master, many of us have had terrible arguments with our fathers, who don’t wish us to study your works.”
“Is that so?” old Zelim replied, raising an eyebrow. “I can’t understand why.” There was a little laughter among the students. “What’s your question?”
“I only wondered if you’d tell us something of your own father.”
“My father…” Zelim said softly.
“Just a little.”
The prophet smiled. “Don’t look so nervous,” he said to the questioner. “Why do you look so nervous?”
The youth blushed. “I was afraid perhaps you’d be angry with me for asking something about your family.”
“In the first place,” Zelim replied gently, “I’m far too old to get angry. It’s a waste of energy and I don’t have much of that left. In the second place, my father sits before you, just as all your fathers sit here in front of me.” His gaze roved the thirty or so students who sat cross-legged before him. “And a very fine bunch of men they are too.” His gaze returned to the youth who’d asked the question. “What does your father do?”
“He’s a wool merchant.”
“So he’s out in the city somewhere right now, selling wool, but his nature’s not satisfied with the selling of wool. He needs something else in his life, so he sends you along to talk philosophy.”
“Oh no…you don’t understand…he didn’t send me.”
“He may not think he sent you. You may not think you were sent. But you were bom your father’s son and whatever you do, you do it for him.” The youth frowned, plainly troubled at the thought of doing anything for his father. “You’re like the fingers of his hand, digging in the dirt while he counts his bales of wool. He doesn’t even notice that the hand’s digging. He doesn’t see it drop seeds into the hole. He’s amazed when he finds a tree’s grown up beside him, filled with sweet fruit and singing birds. But it was his hand did it.”
The youth looked down at the ground. “What do you mean by this?” he said.
“That we do not belong to ourselves. That though we cannot know the full purpose of our creation, we should look to those who came before us to understand it better. Not just our fathers and our mothers, but all who went before. They are the pathway back to God, who may not know, even as He counts stars, that we’re quietly digging a hole, planting a seed…”
Now the youth looked up again, smiling, entertained by the notion of God the Father looking the other way while His human hands grew a garden at His feet.
“Does that answer the question?” Zelim said.
“I was still wondering…” the student said.
“Yes?”
“Your own father—?”
“He was a fisherman from a little village called Atva, which is on the shores of the Caspian Sea.” As Zelim spoke, he felt a little breath of wind against his face, delightfully cool. He paused to appreciate it. Closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he knew something had changed in the room; he just didn’t know what.
“Where was I?” he said.
“Atva,” somebody at the back of the room said.
“Ah, yes, Atva. My father lived there all his life, but he dreamed of being somewhere quite different. He dreamed of Samarkand. He told his children he’d been here, in his youth. And he wove such stories of this city; such stories…”
Again, Zelim halted. The cool breeze had brushed against his brow a second time, and something about the way it touched him seemed like a sign. As though the breeze was saying look, look…
But at what? He gazed out of the window, thinking perhaps there was something out there he needed to see. The sky was darkening toward night. A chestnut tree, still covetous of its leaves despite the season, was in perfect silhouette. High up in its branches the evening star glimmered. But he’d seen all of this before: a sky, a tree, a star.
He returned his gaze to the room, still puzzled.
“What kind of stories?” somebody was asking him.
“Stories…?”
“You said your father told stories of Samarkand.”
“Oh yes. So he did. Wonderful stories. He wasn’t a very good sailor, my father. In fact he drowned on a perfectly calm day. But he could have told tales of Samarkand for a year and never told the same one twice.”
“But you say he never came here?” the master of the school asked Zelim.
“Never,” Zelim said, smiling. “Which is why he was able to tell such fine stories about it.”
This amused everyone mightily. But Zelim scarcely heard the laughter. Again, that tantalizing breeze had brushed his face; and this time, when he raised his eyes, he saw somebody moving through the shadows at the far end of the room. It was not one of the students. They were all dressed in pale yellow robes. This figure was dressed in ragged black breeches and a dirty shirt. He was also black, his skin possessing a curious radiance, which made Zelim remember a long-ago day.
“Atva…?” he murmured.
Only the students closest to Zelim heard him speak, and even they, when debating the subject later, did not agree on the utterance. Some thought he’d said Allah, others that he’d spoken some magical word, that was intended to keep the stranger at the back of the room at bay. The reason that the word was so hotly debated was simple: it was Zelim’s last, at least in the living world.
He had no sooner spoken than his head drooped, and the glass of tea which he had been sipping fell from his hand. The murmurings around the room ceased on the instant; students rose on all sides, some of them already starting to weep, or pray. The great teacher was dead, his wisdom passed into history. There would be no more stories, no more prophecies. Only centuries of turning over the tales he’d already told, and watching to see if the prophecies came true.

Outside the schoolroom, under that covetous chestnut tree, two men talked in whispers. Nobody saw them there-nobody heard their happy exchange. Nor will I invent those words; better I leave that conversation to you: how the spirit of Zelim and Atva, later called Galilee, talked. I will say only this: that when the conversation was over, Zelim accompanied Galilee out of Samarkand; a ghost and a god, wandering off through the smoky twilight, like two inseparable friends.
Need I say that Zelim’s part in this story is far from finished? He was called away that day into the arms of the Barbarossa family, whose service he has not since left.
In this book, as in life, nothing really passes away. Things change, yes; of course they change; they must. But everything is preserved in the eternal moment—Zelim the fisherman, Zelim the prophet, Zelim the ghost; he’s been recorded in all his forms, these pages a poor but passionate echo of the great record that is holiness itself.

There must still be room for the falling note, of course. Even in an undying world there are times when beauty passes from sight, or love passes from the heart, and we feel the sorrow of partition.
In Samarkand, which was glorious for a time, the lozenge tiles, blue and gold, have fallen from the walls, and the chestnut tree under which Zelim and Galilee talked after the prophet’s passing has been felled. The domes are decaying, and streets that were once filled with noise are given over to silence. It’s not a good silence; it’s not the hush of a hermit’s cell, or the quiet of dawn. It’s simply an absence of life. Regimes have come and gone, parties and potentates, old guards and new, each stealing a portion of Samarkand’s glory when they lose power. Now there’s only dirt and despair. The highest hope of those who remain is that one of these days the Americans will come and find reason to believe in the city again. Then there’ll be hamburgers and soda and cigarettes. A sad ambition for the people of any great city.
And until that happens, there’s just the falling tiles, and a dirty wind.
As for Atva, it no longer exists. I suppose if you dug deep in the sand along the shore you’d find the broken-down walls of a few houses, maybe a threshold or two, a pot or two. But nothing of great interest. The lives that were lived in Atva were unremarkable, and so are the few signs that those lives left behind them. Atva does not appear on any maps (even when it thrived it was never marked down that way), nor is mentioned in any books about the Caspian Sea.
Atva exists now in two places. Here in these pages, of course. And as my brother Galilee’s true name.

I have one additional detail to add before we move on to something more urgent. It’s about that first day, when my father Nicodemus and his wife Cesaria went down to baptize their beloved child in the water.
Apparently what happened was this: no sooner had Cesaria lowered the baby into the water than he squirmed in her hands and escaped her, diving beneath the first wave that came his way and disappearing from view. My father of course waded in after him, but the current was particularly strong that day and before he could catch hold of his son the babe had been caught up and swept away from the shore. I don’t know if Cesaria was crying or yelling or simply keeping her silence. I do know she didn’t go in after the escapee, because she once remarked to Marietta that she had known all along Galilee would go from her side, and though she was surprised to see him leaving at such a tender age she wasn’t about to stop him.
Eventually, maybe a quarter of a mile out from the beach, my father caught sight of a little head bobbing in the water. By all accounts the baby was still swimming, or making his best attempt at it. When Atva felt his father’s hands around him he began to bawl and squirm. But my father caught firm hold of him. He set the baby on his shoulders, and swam back to the shore.
Cesaria told Marietta how the baby had laughed once he was back in her arms, laughed until the tears ran, he was so amused by what he’d done.
But when I think of this episode, especially in the context of what I’m about to tell you, it’s not the child laughing that I picture. No, it’s the image of little Atva, barely a day old, squirming from the hands of those who created him, and then, ignoring their cries and their demands, simply swimming away, swimming away, as though the first thing on his mind was escape.

PART THREE An Expensive Life (#ulink_809f15b0-d8c0-5b7f-9ffd-e1b5f14b8bfd)

I (#ulink_2ee2cf69-1e78-5931-aace-686b0849fe40)
i
You remember Rachel Pallenberg? I spoke about her briefly several chapters back, when I was figuratively wringing my hands about whose story I was first going to tell. I described her driving around her hometown of Dansky, Ohio—which lies between Marion and Shanck, close to Mount Gilead. Unpretentious would be a kind description of the town; banal perhaps truer. If it once had some particular charm, that charm’s gone, demolished to make room for the great American ubiquities: cheap hamburger places, cheap liquor places, a market for soda that impersonates more expensive soda and cheese that impersonates milk product. By night the gas station’s the brightest spot in town.
Here, Rachel was raised until she was seventeen. The streets should be familiar to her. But she’s lost. Though she recognizes much of what she sees—the school where she passed several miserable years still stands, as does the church, where her father Hank (who was always more devout than her mother) brought her every Sunday, the bank where Hank Pallenberg worked until his sickness and early demise—all of these she sees and recognizes; and still she’s lost. This isn’t home. But then neither is the place she left to drive here; the exquisite apartment overlooking Central Park where she’s lived in the bosom of wealth and luxury, married to the man of countless women’s dreams: Mitchell Geary.
Rachel doesn’t regret leaving Dansky. It was a claustrophobic life she lived here: dull and repetitive. And the future had looked grim. Single women in Dansky didn’t break their hearts trying for very much. Marriage was what they wanted, and if their husbands were reasonably sober two or three nights a week and their children were born with all their limbs, then they counted themselves lucky, and dug in for a long decline.
That was not what Rachel had in mind for herself. She’d left Dansky two days after her seventeenth birthday without giving it so much as a backward glance. There was another life out there, which she’d seen in magazines and on the television screen: a life of possibilities, a movie-star life, a life she was determined to have for herself. She wasn’t the only seventeen-year-old girl in America who nurtures such hopes, of course. Nor am I the first person to be recounting in print how she made that dream a reality. I have here beside me four books and a stack of magazines—the contents of most of which don’t merit the word reportage—all of which talk in often unruly metaphor about the rise and rise of Rachel Pallenberg. I will do my best here to avoid the excess and stick to the facts, but the story—which is so very much like a fairy tale—would tempt a literary ascetic, as you’ll see. The beautiful, dark-eyed girl from Dansky, with nothing to distinguish her from the common herd but her dazzling smile and her easy charm, finds herself, by chance, in the company of the most eligible bachelor in America, and catches his eye. The rest is not yet history; history requires a certain closure, and this story’s still in motion. But it is certainly something remarkable.

How did it come about? That part, at least, is very simple to tell.
Rachel left Dansky planning to begin her new life in Cincinnati, where her mother’s sister lived. There she went, and there, for about two years, she stayed. She had a brief but inglorious stint training to be a dental technician, then spent several months working as a waitress. She was liked, though not loved. Some of her fellow workers apparently considered her a little too ambitious for her own good; she was one of those people who didn’t mind voicing their aspirations, and that irritated those who were too afraid to do so for themselves, or simply had none. The manager of the restaurant, a fellow called Herbert Finney, remembers her differently from one interview to the next. Was she “a hardworking, rather quiet girl?” as he says to one interviewer, or “a bit of a troublemaker, flirting with the male customers, always looking to get something for herself?” as he tells another. Perhaps the truth is somewhere in between. Certainly waitressing didn’t suit her for very long; nor did Cincinnati. Twenty-one months after arriving there, in late August, she took a train east, to Boston. When she was later asked by some idiot magazine why she’d chosen that city, she’d replied that she’d heard the autumn months were pretty there. She found another waitressing job, and shared an apartment with two girls who were, like her, new to the city. After two weeks she was taken on by an upscale jewelry store on Newbury Street, and there she worked through the fall—which was indeed beautiful, crisp and clean—until, on December 23rd, late in the afternoon, Christmas came visiting in the form of Mitchell Geary.

ii
It began to snow that afternoon, somewhere around two, the first flurry coming as Rachel returned from lunch. The prediction for the rest of the day, and into the night, was worsening by the hour: a blizzard was on its way.
Business was slow; people were getting out of the city early, despite the fart that they could calculate the shopping hours left to Christmas morning on their fingers and toes. The manager of the store, a Mr. Erickson (a forty-year-old with the wan, weary elegance of a man half his age), was on the phone in the back office discussing with his boss the idea of closing up early, when a limo drew up outside and a young dark-haired man in a heavy coat, his collar pulled up, his eyes downcast as though he feared being recognized in the ten-yard journey from limo to store, strode to the door, stamped off the snow on the threshold and came in. Erickson was still in the back office, negotiating closing times. The other assistant, Noelle, was out fetching coffee. It fell to Rachel to serve the customer in the coat.
She knew who he was, of course. Who didn’t? The classically handsome features—the chiseled cheekbones, the soulful eyes, the strong, sensual mouth, the unruly hair—appeared on some magazine or other every month: Mitchell Monroe Geary was one of the most watched, debated, swooned-over men in America. And here he was, standing in front of Rachel with flakes of snow melting on his dark eyelashes.
What had happened then? Well, it had been a simple enough exchange. He’d come in, he explained, to look for a Christmas gift for his grandfather’s wife, Loretta. Something with diamonds, he’d said. Then, with a little shake of his head: “She loves diamonds.” Rachel showed him a selection of diamond pin brooches, hoping to God Erickson didn’t come off the phone too soon, and that the line at the coffee shop was long enough to delay Noelle’s return for a few minutes longer. Just to have the Geary prince to herself for a little while was all she asked.
He declared that he liked both the butterfly and the star. She took them from their black velvet pillows for him to examine more closely. What was her opinion, he asked. Mine? she said. Yes, yours. Well, she said, surprised at how easy she found it to talk to him: if it’s for your grandmother, then I think the butterfly’s probably too romantic.
He’d looked straight at her, with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “How do you know I’m not passionately in love with my grandmother?” he’d said.
“If you were you wouldn’t still be looking for someone,” she’d replied, quick as silver.
“And what makes you think I am?”
Now it was she who smiled. “I read the magazines,” she said.
“They never tell the truth,” he replied. “I live the life of a monk. I swear.” She said nothing to this, thinking she’d probably said far too much already: lost the sale, lost her job too, if Erickson had overheard the exchange. “I’ll take the star,” he said. “Thank you for the advice.”
He made the purchase and left, taking his charm, his presence, and the glint in his eye away with him. She’d felt strangely cheated when he’d gone, as though he’d also taken something that belonged to her, absurd though that was. As he strode away from the store Noelle came in with the coffees.
“Was that who I think it was?” she said, her eyes wide.
Rachel nodded.
“He’s even more gorgeous in the flesh, isn’t he?” Noelle remarked. Rachel nodded. “You’re drooling.”
Rachel laughed. “He is handsome.”
“Was he on his own?” Noelle said. She looked back out into the street as the limo was pulling away. “Was she with him?”
“Who’s she?”
“Natasha Morley. The model. The anorexic one.”
“They’re all anorexic.”
“They’re not happy,” Noelle remarked with unperturbable certainty. “You can’t be that thin and be happy.”
“She wasn’t with him. He was buying something for his grandmother.”
“Oh that bitch,” Noelle sniped. “The one who always dresses in white.”
“Loretta.”
“That’s right. Loretta. She’s his grandfather’s second wife.” Noelle was chatting as though the Geary family were next door neighbors. “I read something in People where they said she basically runs the family. Controls everybody.”
“I can’t imagine anybody controlling him,” Rachel said, still staring out into the street.
“But wouldn’t you love the opportunity?” Noelle replied.
Erickson appeared from the back office at this juncture, in a foul temper. Despite the rapidly worsening storm they had been instructed to keep the store open until eight-thirty. This was a minor reprieve: two days before Christmas they were usually open till ten at night, to catch what Erickson called “guilty spouse business.” The more expensive the present, Erickson always said, the more acts of adultery the customer had committed during the preceding year. When in a particularly waspish mood, he wasn’t above quoting a number as the door slammed.

So they dutifully stayed in the store, and the snow, as predicted, got worse. There was a smattering of business, but nothing substantial.
And then, just as Erickson was starting to take the displays out of the window for the night, a man came in with an envelope for Rachel.
“Mr. Geary says he’s sorry, he didn’t get your name,” the messenger told her.
“My name’s Rachel.”
“I’ll tell him. I’m his driver and his bodyguard, by the way. I’m Ralph.”
“Hello, Ralph.”
Ralph—who was six foot six if he was an inch, and looked as though he’d had a distinguished career as a punching bag—grinned. “Hello, Rachel,” he said. “I’m pleased to meet you.” He pulled off his leather glove and shook Rachel’s hand. “Well, goodnight folks.” He trudged back to the door. “Avoid the Tobin Bridge, by the way. There was a wreck and it’s all snarled up.”
Rachel had no wish to open the envelope in front of Noelle or Erickson, but nor could she stand the idea of waiting another nineteen minutes until the store was closed, and she was out on the street alone. So she opened it. Inside was a short, scrawled note from Mitchell Geary, inviting her to the Algonquin Club for drinks the following evening, which was Christmas Eve.
Three and a half weeks later, in a restaurant in New York, he gave her the diamond butterfly brooch, and told her he was falling in love.

II (#ulink_48ff3d02-d91a-5687-bc97-4622e88b7309)
This is as good a place as any to attempt a brief sketch of the Geary family. It’s a long, long drop from the topmost branch, where Rachel Pallenberg was poised the moment she became the wife of Mitchell Geary, to the roots of the family; and those roots are buried so deep into the earth I’m not sure I’m quite ready to disinter them. So instead allow me to concern myself—at least for now—with that part of the family tree that’s readily visible: the part that appears in the books about the rise and influence of the Geary engine.
It quickly becomes apparent, even in a casual skimming of these volumes, that for several generations the Gearys have behaved (and have been treated) like a form of American royalty. Like royalty, they’ve always acted as though they were above the common law; this in both their private and their corporate dealings. Over the years several members of the dynasty have behaved in ways that would have guaranteed incarceration if they hadn’t been who they were: everything from driving in a highly intoxicated state to wife-beating. Like royalty, there has often been a grandeur to both their passions and to their failures which galvanized the rest of us, whose lives are by necessity confined. Even the people that they’d abused over the years—either in their personal lives or in their corporate machinations—were entranced by them; ready to forgive and forget if the gaze of the Gearys would only be turned their way again.
And, like royalty, they had their feet in blood. No throne was ever won or held without violence; and though the Gearys were not blessed by the same king-making gods who’d crowned the royal heads of Europe, or the emperors of China or Japan, there was a dark, bloody spirit in their collective soul, a Geary daemon if you will, who invested them with an authority out of all proportion to their secular rights. It made them fierce in love, and fierce still in hatred, it made them iron-willed and long-lived; it made them casually cruel and just as casually charismatic.
Most of the time, it was as though they didn’t even know what they were doing, good, bad or indifferent. They lived in a kind of trance of self-absorption, as though the rest of the world was simply a mirror held up to their faces, and they passed through life seeing only themselves.

In some ways love was the ultimate manifestation of the Geary daemon; because love was the way that the family increased itself, enriched itself.
For the males it was almost a point of pride that they be adulterous, and that the world know it, even if the subject wasn’t talked about above a whisper. This dubious tradition had been initiated by Mitch’s great-grandfather, Laurence Grainger Geary, who’d been a cocksman of legendary stamina, and had fathered, according to one estimate, at least two dozen bastards. His taste in mistresses had been broad. Upon his death two black women in Kentucky, sisters no less, claimed to have his children; a very well respected Jewish philanthropist in upstate New York, who had served with old man Geary on a committee for the Rehabilitation of Public Morals, had attempted suicide, and revealed in her farewell letter the true paternity of her three daughters, while the madam of a bordello in New Mexico had showed her son to the local press, pointing out how very like a Geary child he looked.
Laurence’s wife Vema had made no public response to these claims. But they took their toll on the unhappy woman. A year later she was committed to the same institution that had housed Mary Lincoln in her last years. There Verna Geary survived for a little over a decade, before making a pitiful exit from the world.
Only one of her four children (she’d lost another three in their infancy) was at all attentive to her in her failing years: her eldest daughter, Eleanor. The old woman did not care for Eleanor’s constant kindness, however. She loved only one of her children enough to beg his presence, in letter after letter, through the period of her incarceration: that was her beloved son Cadmus. The object of her affections was unresponsive. He visited her once, and never came again. Arguably Vema was the author of her own son’s cruelty. She’d taught him from his earliest childhood that he was an exceptional soul, and one of the manifestations of this specialness was the fact that he never had to set eyes on any sight that didn’t please him. So now, when he was faced with such a sight—his mother in a state of mental disarray—he simply averted his eyes.
“I want to surround myself with things that I enjoy looking at,” he told his appalled sister, “and I do not enjoy looking at her.”
What was pleasing the twenty-eight-year-old Cadmus’ senses at that time was a woman called Katherine Faye Browning—Kitty to those close to her—the daughter of a steel magnate from Pittsburgh. Cadmus had met her in 1919 and courted her fiercely for two years, during which time he had begun to work his financial genius on his father’s already considerable wealth. This was no chance collision of circumstances. The more Kitty Browning toyed with his feelings (refusing to see him for almost two months in the autumn of that year simply because—as she wrote—”I wish to see if I can live without you. If I can, I will, because that means you’re not the man who rules my heart”) the more frustrated love fueled young Cadmus’s ambition. His reputation as a financial strategist of genius—and a demonic enemy if crossed—was forged in those years. Though he would later mellow somewhat, when people thought of Cadmus Northrop Geary it was the young Cadmus they brought to mind: the man who forgave nothing.
In the process of building his empire he acted like a secular divinity. Communities dependent upon industries he purchased were destroyed at his whim, while others flourished when he looked upon them favorably. By his early middle age he had achieved more than most men dream of in a hundred lifetimes. There was no place of power in which he was not known and lionized. He influenced the passing of bills and the election of judges; he bought Democrats and Republicans alike (and left them at the mercy of their parties when he was done with them); he made great men look foolish, and—when it suited him, as it occasionally did—elevated fools to high office.

Need I tell you that Kitty Browning finally succumbed to his importunings and married him? Or add that he committed his first act of adultery—or philandering, as he preferred—while they were on their honeymoon?
A man of Cadmus’s power and influence—not to mention looks (he was built after the classic American model, his body graceful in action and easy in repose, his long, symmetrical features perpetually tanned, his eyes sharp, his smile sharper still)—a man such as this is always surrounded by admirers. There was nothing languid or dull about him; nothing that bespoke doubt or fatigue: that was the heart of his power. Had he been a better man, his sister once remarked, or a much worse one, he might have been president. But he had no interest in wasting his attributes on politics. Not when there were so many women to seduce (if seduction was the word for something so effortless). He divided his time between his offices in New York and Chicago, his houses in Virginia and Massachusetts, and the beds of some several hundred women a year, paying off irate husbands when they found out, or employing them.
As for Kitty, she had a life of her own to lead: three children to raise, and a social calendar of her own which was nicely filled. The last thing she wanted was a husband under her feet. As long as Cadmus didn’t embarrass her with his shenanigans, she was perfectly content to let him go his way.
There was only one romance—or more correctly a failed romance—that threatened this strange equilibrium. In 1926, at the invitation of Lionel Bloombury, who was then the head of a small independent studio in Hollywood, Cadmus went west. He considered himself quite the connoisseur when it came to movies, and Lionel had suggested he could do worse than invest some of his capital in the business. Indeed he would later do so; he put Geary money into Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, and saw, during its golden years, a substantial return on his investment; he also purchased sizable parcels of land in what would later become Beverly Hills and Culver City. But the only deal he really wanted in Hollywood he failed to make, and that was with an actress called Louise Brooks. He met her first at the premiere of Beggars of Life, a Paramount picture she’d made, starring opposite Wallace Beery. She’d seemed to Cadmus an almost supernatural presence; for the first time, he’d said to a friend, he believed in the idea of Eden; of a perfect garden from which men might be exiled because of the manipulations of a woman.
The subject of this metaphysical talk, Louise herself, was without question a great beauty: her dark sleek hair cut almost boyishly to frame a pale, exquisitely sculptured face. But she was also an ambitious and intellectually astute woman, who wasn’t interested in being an objet d’art for Cadmus or anybody else. She left for Germany the next year, to star in two pictures there, one of which, Die Btichse de Pandora, would immortalize her. Cadmus was by now so enraptured that he sailed to Europe in the hope of a liaison, and it seems she was not entirely scornful of his advances. They dined together; and took day trips when her filming schedule allowed. But it seems she was dallying with him. When she went back to filming she complained to her director, a man called Pabst, that the presence of Geary on set was spoiling her concentration and could he please be removed? There was some kind of minor fracas later that week, when Cadmus—who had apparently attempted to purchase the studio that was making Die Btichse de Pandora in the interim, and failed—forced his way onto the set in the hope of talking to her. She refused to speak to him and he was forcibly removed. Three days later he was on a ship headed back to America.
His “folly,” as he would later call this episode, was over. He returned to his business life with a sharpened—even rapacious—appetite. A year after his return, in October of 1929, came the stock market crash which marked the beginning of the Great Depression. Cadmus rode the calamity like a broncobuster from one of his beloved Westerns; he was unshakable. Other men of money went into debt and penury or ended up dead by their own hand, but for the next few years, while the country suffered through the worst economic crisis since the Civil War, Cadmus turned the defeats of those around him into personal victories. He bought the ruins of other men’s enterprises for a pittance; putting out lifeboats for a lucky few who were drowning around him, thus assuring himself of their fealty once the storm was over.
Nor did he limit his business dealings to those who’d been relatively honest but had fallen on hard times; he also dealt with men who had blood on their hands. These were the last days of Prohibition; there was money to be made from supplying liquor to the parched palates of America. And where there was profit, there was Cadmus Geary. In the four years between his return from Germany and the repeal of the Eighteenth Amendment, he tunneled Geary family funds into several illicit booze and “entertainment” businesses, raking off monies that no taxman ever saw, and ploughing it back into his legitimate concerns.
He was careful with his choice of business partners, avoiding the company of individuals who took too much pleasure in their own notoriety. He never did business with Capone or his like, preferring the quieter types, like Tyler Burgess and Clarence Filby, whose names didn’t make it into the headlines or the history books. But in truth he didn’t have the stomach for criminality. Though he was reaping enormous sums of money from these illicit dealings, in the spring of 1933, just before the repeal was passed by Congress, he broke all contact with “The Men in the Midwest,” as he called them.
In fact it was Kitty who forced his hand. Normally she kept herself out of financial affairs, but this, she told him, was not a fiscal matter: the reputation of the family would be irreparably harmed if any association with this scum could be proved. He readily bowed to her pressure; he didn’t enjoy doing business with these people anyway. They were peasants, most of them; a generation ago, he’d said, they’d have been in some Godforsaken comer of Europe eating scabs off their donkeys. The remark had amused Kitty, and she took it for her own, using it whenever she was feeling particularly vicious.

So Prohibition and the grim years of the Great Depression passed, and the Gearys were now one of the richest families in the history of the continent. They owned steel mills and shipyards and slaughterhouses. They owned coffee plantations and cotton plantations and great swaths of land given over to barley and wheat and cattle. They owned sizable portions of real estate in the thirty largest cities in America, and were the landlords of many of the towers and fancy houses and condominiums that were built on that land. They owned racehorses, racetracks, and racing cars. They owned shoe manufacturers and fish canneries and a hot dog franchise. They owned magazines and newspapers, and distributors who delivered those magazines and newspapers, and the stands from which those magazines and newspapers were sold. And what they could not own, they put their name on. As though to distinguish his noble family from the peasants with whom he had ceased to do business in ‘33, Cadmus allowed Kitty to use tens of millions” of Geary dollars in philanthropic endeavors, so that in the next two decades the family name went up on the wings of hospitals, on schools, on orphanages. All these good works did not divert the eyes of cynical observers from the sheer scale of Cadmus’s acquisitiveness, of course. He showed no sign of slowing up as he advanced in years. In his middle sixties, at an age when less driven men were planning fishing trips and gardens, he turned his appetites eastward, toward Hong Kong and Singapore, where he repeated the pattern of plunder that had proved so successful in America. The golden touch had not deserted him: company after company was transformed by Cadmus’s magic. He was a quiet juggernaut, unseen now for the most part, his reputation almost legendary.
He continued his philandering, as he had in his younger days, but the hectic business of sexual conquest was of far less significance to him now. He was still, by all accounts, a remarkably adept bed partner (perhaps consciously he chose in these years women who were less discreet than earlier conquests; advertisements for his virility, in fact); but after the Louise Brooks episode he never came so close to the blissful condition of love as when he was in full capitalist flight. Only then did he feel alive the way he had when he’d first met Kitty, or when he’d followed Louise to Germany; only then did he exalt, or even come close to exaltation.
Meanwhile, of course, another generation of Gearys was growing up. First there was Richard Emerson Geary, bom in 1934, after Kitty had suffered two miscarriages. Then, a year later, Norah Faye Geary, and two years after that George, the father of Mitchell and Garrison.
In many ways Richard, Norah, and George were the most emotionally successful of any of the generations. Kitty was sensible to the corruptions of wealth: she’d seen its capacity to destroy healthy souls at work in her own family. She did her level best to protect her children from the effects of being brought up feeling too extraordinary; and her capacity for love, stymied in her marriage, flowered eloquently in her dealings with her children. Of the three it was Norah who was most indulged; and Cadmus was the unrepentant indulger. She rapidly became a brat, and nothing Kitty could do to discipline her did the trick. Whenever she didn’t get what she wanted, she went wailing to Daddy, who gave her exactly what she requested. The pattern reached grotesque proportions when Cadmus arranged for the eleven-year-old Norah—who had become fixated upon the notion of being an actress—to star in her own little screen test, shot on the backlot at MGM. The long-term effects of this idolatry would not become apparent for several years, but they would bring tragedy.
In the meanwhile, Kitty dispersed her eminently practical love to Richard and George, and watched them grow into two extraordinarily capable men. It was no accident that neither wanted much to do with running the Geary empire; Kitty had subtly inculcated into them both a distrust of the world in which Cadmus had made a thousand fortunes. It wasn’t until the first signs of Cadmus’s mental deterioration began to show, in his middle seventies, that George, the youngest, agreed to leave his investment company and oversee the rationalization of what had become an unwieldy empire. Once in place, he found the task more suited his temperament than he’d anticipated. He was welcomed by the investors, the unions, and the board members alike as a new kind of Geary, more concerned with the welfare of his employees, and the communities which were often dependent upon Geary investment, than with the turning of profit.
He was also a successful family man, in a rather old-fashioned way. He married one Deborah Halford, his high school sweetheart, and they lived a life that drew inspiration from the kind of solid, loving environment which Kitty had tried so hard to provide. His older brother Richard had become a trial lawyer with a flair for murderers and rhetoric; his life seemed to be one long last act from an opera filled with emotional excess. As for poor Norah, she’d gone from one bad marriage to another, always looking for, but never finding, the man who would give her the unconditional devotion she’d had from Daddy.
By contrast, George lived an almost dull life, despite the fact that he ruled most of the Geary fortunes. His voice was quiet, his manner subdued, his smile, when it came along, beguiling. Despite his skills with his employees, stepping into Cadmus’s shoes wasn’t always easy. For one thing, the old man had by no means given up attempting to influence the direction of his empire, and when his health crisis was over he assumed that he’d be returning to his position at the head of the boardroom table. It was Loretta, Cadmus’s second wife, who persuaded him that it would be wiser to leave George in charge, while Cadmus took up an advisory position. The old man accepted the solution, but with a bad grace: he became publicly critical of George when he disapproved of his son’s decisions, and on more than one occasion spoiled deals that George had spent months negotiating.
At the same time, while Cadmus was doing his best to tarnish his own son’s glories, other problems arose. First there were investigations on insider trading of Geary stocks, then the complete collapse of business in the Far East following the suicide of a man Cadmus had appointed, who was later discovered to have concealed the loss of billions; and, after half a century of successful secrecy, the revelation of Cadmus’s Prohibition activities, in a book that briefly made the bestseller list despite Richard’s legal manipulations to have it withdrawn as libelous.
When things got too frantic, George took refuge in a home life that was nearly idyllic. Deborah was a born nest-builder; she cared only to make a place where her husband and her children would be cared for and comfortable. Once the front door was closed, she would say, the rest of the world wasn’t allowed in unless it was invited; and that included any other member of the Geary clan. If George needed solitude—time to sit and listen to his jazz collection, time to play with the kids—she could be positively ferocious in her defense of her threshold. Even Richard, who had persuaded juries of the impossible in his time, couldn’t get past her when she was protecting George’s privacy.
For the four children of this comfortable marriage—Tyler, Karen, Mitchell, and Garrison—there was plenty of affection and plenty of pragmatism, but there was also a string of temptations that had not been available to the previous generation. They were the first Gearys who were regularly followed around by paparazzi during their adolescence; who were squealed on by classmates if they smoked dope or tried to get laid; who appeared on the cover of magazines when they went skinny-dipping. Despite Deborah’s best efforts, she could not protect her children from every sleazehound who came sniffing around. Nor, George pointed out, was it wise to try. The children would have to learn the pain of public humiliation the hard way, by being hurt. If they were smart, they’d modify their behavior. If not, they’d end up like his sister Norah, who’d had almost as many tabloid covers as she’d had analysts. It was a hard world, and love kept no one from harm. All it could do, sometimes, was speed the healing of the wounds.

III (#ulink_75965729-7428-5716-96f0-9690f9a15558)
i
So much for my promised brevity. I intended to write a short, snappy chapter giving you a quick glimpse of the Geary family tree, and I end up lost in its branches. It’s not that every twig is pertinent to the story at hand—if that were the case, I’d never have undertaken the task—but there are surprising connections between some of what I’ve told you and events to come. To give you an example: Rachel, when she smiles a certain way, has something of Louise Brooks’s wicked humor in her eyes; along with Louise’s dark, shiny hair, of course. It’s useful for you to know how devoted Cadmus was to Louise, if you’re to understand how the presence of Rachel will later affect him.
But even more important than such details, I suspect, is a general sense of the patterns these people made as they passed their behavior, good and bad, on to their children. How Laurence Grainger Geary (who died, by the way, in a prostitute’s bed in Havana) taught his son Cadmus by example to be both fearless and cruel. How Cadmus shaped a creature of pure self-destruction in Norah, and a man subtly committed to his own father’s undoing in George.
George: we may as well take a moment here to finish George’s story. It’s a sad end for such a good-natured man; a death over which countless questions still hang. On February 6th, 1981, instead of driving up to his beloved weekend house in Caleb’s Creek to join his family, he went out to Long Island. He drove himself, which was strange. He didn’t like to drive, especially when the weather was foul, as it was that night. He did call Deborah, to tell her that he’d be late home: he had an “annoying bit of business” he needed to attend to, he told her, but he promised to be back by the early hours of the morning. Deborah waited up for him. He didn’t come home. By three a.m. she had called the police; by dawn a full scale search was underway, a search which continued through a rainy Saturday and Sunday without a single lead being turned up. It wasn’t until seven-thirty or so on Monday morning that a man walking his dog along the shore at Smith Point Beach chanced to peer into a car that had been parked there he’d noticed, close to the sand, for three days. Inside was the body of a man. It was George. His neck had been broken. The murder had taken place on the shore itself—there was sand in George’s shoes, and in his hair and mouth—then the body had been carried back to the car and left there. His wallet was later found on the shore. The only item that had been taken from it was a picture of his wife.
The hunt for George’s killer went on for years (in a sense, I suppose, it still continues; the file was never closed) but despite a million-dollar reward offered by Cadmus for information leading to the arrest of the murderer, the felon was never found.

ii
The major effects of George’s demise—at least those relevant to this book—are threefold. First, there was Deborah, who found herself strangely alienated from her husband by the suspicious facts of his death. What had he hidden from her? Something vital; something lethal. For all the trust they’d had in one another, there had been one thing, one terrible thing he had not shared with her. She just didn’t know what it was. She did well enough for a few months, sustained by the need to be a good public widow, but once the cameras were turned in the direction of new scandals, new horrors, she quickly capitulated to the darkness of her doubts and her grief. She went away to Europe for several months, where she was joined by (of all people) her sister-in-law Norah, with whom until now she’d had nothing in common. Stateside, rumors began to fly again: they were living like two middle-aged divas, the gossip columnists pronounced, dredging the gutters of Rome and Paris for company. Certainly when the pair got back home in August 1981, Deborah had the look of a woman who’d seen more than the Vatican and the Eiffel Tower. She’d lost thirty pounds, was dressed in an outfit ten years too young for her, and kicked the first photographer at the airport who got in her way.
The second effect of George’s death was of course upon his children. Fourteen-year-old Mitchell had become a particular focus of public attention after his father’s demise: his looks were beginning to deliver on their promise (he would be, by general consensus, the handsomest Geary yet) and the way he dealt with the invasiveness of the press spoke of a maturity and a dignity beyond his years. He was a prince; everyone agreed; a prince.
Garrison, who was six years his senior, had always been far more retiring, and he did little to conceal his discomfort during this period. While Mitchell stayed close to his mother throughout the period of mourning, accompanying her to philanthropic galas and the like in his father’s stead, Garrison retreated from the limelight almost completely. And there he would remain. As for Tyler and Karen, both of whom were younger than Mitchell, their lives were left unexamined by the columnists, at least for a few years. Tyler was to die in 1987, along with his Uncle Todd, Norah’s fourth husband, when the light aircraft Todd was piloting came down during a sudden storm near Orlando, Florida. Karen—who in hindsight probably most closely resembled her father in the essential gentility of her nature—became an archeologist, and rapidly distinguished herself in that field.
The third consequence of George Geary’s sudden demise was the reascension of Cadmus Geary. He had weathered the physical and mental frailty that had been visited upon him just as he’d weathered so much else in his life, and now—when the Geary empire needed a leader, he was there to take charge. He was by now in his eighties, but he behaved as though his little sickness had been but a palate cleanser, a sour sorbet that had sharpened his appetite for the rare meat now set before him. In a decade of naked acquisitiveness, here was the triumphant return of the man who’d written the modern rules of combat. At times he seemed to be at pains to compensate for his late son’s humanity. Anyone who stood against him (usually for principles espoused by George) was summarily ousted; Cadmus didn’t have the time or the temper for persuasion.
Wall Street responded well to the change. Old Man Cadmus Back in Charge, ran the headline of The Wall Street Journal, and in a couple of months there were profiles running everywhere, plus the inevitable catalogues of Cadmus’s cruelties. He didn’t care. He never had and he never would. This was his style, and it suited the world into which he had resurrected himself more than a little well.

iii
There’ll be more about Old Man Geary later; a lot more. For now, let me leave him there, in triumph, and go back to the subject of mortality. I’ve already told you how Laurence Geary died (the whore’s bed, Havana) and Tyler (Uncle Todd’s plane, Florida) and of course George (in the driving seat of his Mercedes, Long Island) but there are other passages to the great beyond that should be noted here. Did I mention Cadmus’s mother, Verna? Yes, I did. She perished in a madhouse, you’ll remember. I didn’t however note that her passing was almost certainly also murder, probably at the hands of another inmate, one Dolores Cooke, who committed suicide (with a stolen toothpick, pricking herself so many times she bled to death) six days after Verna’s demise. Eleanor, her rejected daughter, died in hearty old age, as did Louise Brooks, who gave up her career in cinema in the early thirties, finding the whole endeavor too trivial to be endured.
Of the significant players here, that only leaves Kitty, who died of cancer of the esophagus in 1979, just as Cadmus was emerging from his own bout of frailty. She was two years younger than the century. The next year, Cadmus remarried: the recipient of the offer a woman almost twenty years his junior, Loretta Talley, (another sometime actress, by the way: Loretta had played Broadway in her youth, but, like Louise, tired of her power-lessness).
As for Kitty, she has little or no part in what follows, which is a pity for me, because I have in my possession a copy of an extraordinary document she wrote in the last year of her life which would fuel countless interesting speculations. The text is utterly chaotic, but that’s not surprising given the strength of the medications she was on while she was writing it. Page after page of the testimony (all of which is handwritten) documents the yearnings she felt for some greater meaning than the duties of mother, wife, and public philanthropist, a profound and unanswered hunger for something poetic in her life. Sometimes the sense of the text falls apart entirely, and it becomes a series of disconnected images. But even these are potent. It seems to me she begins, at the end of her life, to live in a continuous present: a place where memory, experience and expectation are all folded together in one delirious stream of feeling. Sometimes she writes as though she were a child looking down at her own wasted body, fascinated by its mutinies and its grotesqueries.
She also talks about Galilee.
It wasn’t until I read the document for the third time (combing it for clues to her beliefs about George Geary’s murder) that I realized my half brother was present in the text. But he’s there. He enters and exits Kitty’s account like the breeze that’s presently ruffling the papers on my desk; visible only by its effect. But there’s no question that he somehow offered her a taste of all that she’d been denied; that he was, if not the love of her life, at least a tantalizing glimpse of what changes a love of real magnitude—reciprocated love, that is—might have wrought in her.

iv
Let me now give you a brief guided tour to the Geary residences, since so many of the exchanges I will be reporting occur there. Over the years the family has accrued large amounts of real estate and, because they never needed to realize the capital, seldom sold anything. Sometimes they renovated these properties, and occupied them. But just as often Geary houses have been kept for decades—regularly cleaned and redecorated—without any member of the family stepping over the threshold. As of this writing, I know of houses and apartments the family owns in Washington, Boston, Los Angeles, Montana, Louisiana, South Carolina, and Hawaii. In Europe they own properties in Vienna, Zurich, London, and Paris; and further afield, in Cairo, Bangkok, and Hong Kong.
For now, however, it’s the New York residences that I need to describe in a little detail. Mitchell has a pied à terre on the fringes of Soho, far more extravagantly appointed inside, and far more obsessively guarded, than its undistinguished exterior would suggest. Margie and Garrison occupy two floors close to the top of the Trump Tower, an apartment which commands extraordinary views in all directions. The purchase was Margie’s suggestion (at the time it was some of the most expensive space in the world, and she liked the idea of spending so much of Garrison’s money) but she never really warmed to the apartment, for all its glamour. The decorator she hired, a man called Jeffrey Penrose, died a month after finishing his transformation, and posthumous articles about him mentioned the Trump Tower apartment as his “last great creation; like the woman who employed him—kitschy, glitzy, and wild.” So it was; and so was Margie, back then. The years since haven’t been kind, however. The glitter looks tawdry now; and what seemed witty in the eighties has lost its edge.
The one truly great Geary residence in the city is what everyone in the family refers to as “the mansion; a vast, late nineteenth century house on the Upper East Side. The area’s called Carnegie Hill, but it might just as well have been named for the Gearys; Laurence was in residence here twenty years before Andrew Carnegie built his own mansion at 5th and 91st. Many of the houses surrounding the Geary residence have been given over to embassies; they’re simply too large and too expensive for one family. But Cadmus was born and raised in the mansion, and never once contemplated the notion of selling it. For one thing, the sheer volume of possessions the house contains could not be transferred to a more modestly scaled space: the furniture, the carpets, the clocks, the objets d’art; there’s enough to found a sizable museum. And then there are the paintings, which unlike much of the other stuff were collected by Cadmus himself. Big canvases, all of them; and all by American painters. Magnificent works by Albert Bierstadt, Thomas Cole, and Frederick Church, enormous paintings of the American landscape at its most awe inspiring. To some, these works are regressive and rhetorical; the products of limited talents overreaching themselves in pursuit of a sublime vision. But hanging in the mansion, sometimes occupying entire walls, the paintings have an undeniable authority. In some ways they define the house. Yes, it’s dark and heavy in there; sometimes it seems hard to draw breath, the air is so dense, so stale. But that’s not what people remember about the mansion. They remember the paintings, which almost look like windows, letting onto great, untamed wildernesses.
The house is run by a staff of six, who work under Loretta’s ever judgmental eye. However hard they labor, however, the house is always bigger than they can manage. There’s always dust gathering somewhere; they could work twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and still not tame the enormity of the place.
So: that’s the New York City residences. Actually, I haven’t told you everything. Garrison has a secret place that even Margie doesn’t know he owns, but I’ll describe that to you when he visits it, along with an explanation as to why he’s obliged to keep its existence to himself. There’s also a house upstate, near Rhinebeck, but that also has a significant place in the narrative ahead, so I’ll delay describing it until then.
The only other residence I want to make mention of here is a long way from New York City, but should be mentioned here, I think, because in my imagination it forms a trinity with the mansion and L’Enfant. That house is a far more humble dwelling than the other two. In fact it’s probably the least impressive of any of the major residences in this story. But it stands a few yards from the blue Pacific, in a grove of palm’ trees, and for the lucky few who’ve spent a night or two beneath its roof, it evokes Edenic memories.
That house we’ll also come to later, and to the secrets it contains, which are sweatier than anything Garrison hides away in his little bolthole, and yet so vast in their significance that they would beggar the skills of the men who painted the wildernesses in the mansion. We are a while away from being there, but I want you to have the image of that paradisiacal spot somewhere in your head, like a bright piece of a jigsaw puzzle which doesn’t seem to fit in the scheme, but must be held on to, contemplated now and again, until its significance becomes apparent, and the picture is understood as it would not have been understood until that piece found its place.

IV (#ulink_99706d6f-9ab6-53c1-b049-dfbfa98d5ff2)
i
I must move on. Or rather back; back to the character with whom I opened this sequence, Rachel Pallenberg. The last two chapters were an attempt to offer some context for the romance between Rachel and Mitchell. And I hope as a consequence you’ll feel a little more sympathy for Mitchell than his subsequent actions might seem to deserve. He was not, at least at the beginning, a cruel or reprehensible man. But he had lived most of his life in the public eye, despite his mother’s best efforts. That kind of scrutiny creates an artificiality in a person’s behavior. Everything becomes a kind of performance.
In the seventeen years since his father’s funeral, Mitchell had learned to play himself perfectly; it was his genius. In all other regards—excepting his looks—he was average, or below average. An uninspired student, a so-so lover, an indifferent conversationalist. But when the subject of the exchange vanished and charm alone held the air, he was wonderful. In the words of Burgess Motel, who’d spent half a day with him for a profile piece in Vanity Fair, “The less substance there was to what he was saying, the more at ease he seemed; and, yes, the more perfect. If this seems to tread perilously close to nonsense, it’s because you have to be there, watching him perform this Zen-like trick of being in nothingness, to believe just how persuasive and sexy it is. Do I sound entranced? I am!” This wasn’t the first time a male writer had swooned girlishly over Mitchell in print, but it was the first time somebody had successfully analyzed the way Mitchell ruled a room. Nobody knew charm like Mitchell, and nobody knew as well as Mitchell that charm was best experienced in a vacuum.
None of this, you may say, reflects well upon Rachel. How could she have fallen for such triviality? Given herself over into the arms of a man who was at his best when he had nothing of consequence to say? It was easy, believe me. She was dazzled, she was flattered, she was seduced, not just by Mitchell but by all he stood for. There had never been a time when the Gearys had not been a part of her idea of America: and now she was being invited to enter their circle; to become a part of their mystique. Who could refuse an offer like that? It was a kind of waking dream, in which she found herself removed from the gray drudgery of her life into a place of color and comfort and plenty. And she was surprised at how well she fitted into this dreamscape. It was almost as though she’d known in her heart that this was the life she’d one day be living, and had unconsciously been preparing for it.
All of which is not to say there weren’t times when her palms got a little clammy. Meeting the whole family for the first time on the occasion of Cadmus’ ninety-fifth birthday party; the first time down a red carpet, at a fund-raiser at the Lincoln Center, just after the engagement had been announced; the first time she was flown somewhere in the family jet, and turned out to be its only passenger. All so strange, and yet so strangely familiar.
For his part Mitchell seemed to read her anxiety level instinctively in any given situation, and act appropriately. If she was uncomfortable, he was right there at her side, showing her by example how to fend off impertinent questions politely and ease the flow of small talk if somebody became tongue-tied. On the other hand if she seemed to be having a good time he left her to her own devices. She rapidly gained a reputation as lively company; at ease with all kinds of people. The chief revelation for Rachel was this: that these power brokers and potentates with whom she was now beginning to rub elbows were hungry for simple conversation. Over and over again she would catch herself thinking: they’re no different from the rest of us. They had dyspepsia and ill-fitting shoes, they bit their nails and worried about their waistlines. There were a few individuals, of course, who decided she was beneath them—generally women of uncertain vintage—but she rarely encountered such snobbery. More often than not she found herself welcomed warmly, often with the observation that she was the one Mitchell had been looking for, and everyone was glad she was finally here.
As to her own story, well she didn’t talk about it much at first. If people asked about her background, she’d keep the answers vague. But as she began to trust her confidence more, she talked more openly about life in Dansky, and about her family. There was a certain percentage of people whose eyes started to glaze over once she mentioned anywhere west of the Hudson, but there were far more who seemed eager for news from a world less sealed, less smothering than their own.
“You will have noticed,” Garrison’s garish and acidic wife Margie—whose tongue was notoriously acidic—remarked, “that you keep seeing the same sour old faces wherever you go. You know why? There’s only twenty important people left in New York, twenty-one now you’re here, and we all go to the same parties and we all serve on the same committees. And we’re all very, very bored with one another.” She happened to make the remark while she and Rachel stood on a balcony looking down at a glittering throng of perhaps a thousand people. “Before you say anything,” Margie went on, “it’s all done with mirrors.”
Inevitably on occasion a remark somebody would make would leave her feeling uncomfortable. Usually such remarks weren’t directed at her, but at Mitchell, in her presence.
“Wherever did you find her?” somebody would say, meaning no conscious offense by the question but making Rachel feel like a purchase, and the questioner fully expected to go back to the same store and pick up one for themselves.
“They’re just amazed at how lucky I am,” Mitchell said, when she pointed out how objectionable she found that kind of observation. “They don’t mean to be rude.”
“I know.”
“We can stop going to so many parties, if you like.”
“No. I want to know all the people you know.”
“Most of them are pretty boring.”
“That’s what Margie said.”
“Are you two getting on well?”
“Oh yes. I love her. She’s so outrageous.”
“She’s a terrible drunk,” Mitchell said curtly. “She’s been okay for the last couple of months, but she’s still unpredictable.”
“Was she always…?”
“An alcoholic?”
“Yes.”
“Maybe I can help her,” Rachel said.
He kissed her. “My Good Samaritan.” He kissed her again. “You can try but I don’t hold out much hope. She’s got so many axes to grind. She doesn’t like Loretta at all. And I don’t think she likes me much.”
Now it was Rachel who offered the kiss. “What’s not to like?” she said.
Mitchell grinned. “Damned if I know,” he said.
“You egotist.”
“Me? No. You must be thinking of somebody else. I’m the humble one in the family.”
“I don’t think there’s such a thing—”
“—as a humble Geary?”
“Right.”
“Hm.” Mitchell considered this for a moment. “Grandma Kitty was the nearest, I guess.”
“And you liked her?”
“Yeah,” Mitchell said, the warmth of his affection there in his voice. “She was sweet. A little crazy toward the end, but sweet.”
“And Loretta?”
“She’s not crazy. She’s the sanest one in the family.”
“No, I meant, do you like her?”
Mitchell shrugged. “Loretta’s Loretta. She’s like a force of nature.”
Rachel had met Loretta only two or three times so far: this was not the way the woman seemed at all. Quite the contrary. She’d seemed rather reserved, even demure, an impression supported by the fact that she always dressed in white or silvery gray. The only theatrical touch was the turbanish headgear she favored, and the immaculate precision of her makeup, which emphasized the startling violet of her eyes. She’d been pleasant to Rachel, in a gentle, noncommittal sort of way.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Mitchell said. “You’re thinking: Loretta’s just an old-fashioned lady. And she is. But you try crossing her—”
“What happens?”
“It’s like I said: she’s a force of nature. Especially anything to do with Cadmus. I mean, if anyone in the family says anything against him and she hears about it she tears out their throats. ‘You wouldn’t have two cents to rub together without him,’ she says. And she’s right. We wouldn’t. This family would have gone down without him.”
“So what happens when he dies?”
“He isn’t going to die,” Mitchell said, without a trace of irony in his voice. “He’s going to go on and on and on till one of us drives him out to Long Island. Sorry. That was in bad taste.”
“Do you think about that a lot?”
“What happened to Dad? No. I don’t think about it at all. Except when some book comes out, you know, saying it was the Mafia or the CIA. I get in a funk about that stuff. But we’re never going to really know what happened, so what’s the use of thinking about it?” He stroked a stray hair back from Rachel’s brow. “You don’t need to worry about any of this,” he said. “If the old man dies tomorrow we’ll divide up the pie—some for Garrison, some for Loretta, some for us. Then you and me…we’ll just disappear. We’ll get on a plane and we’ll fly away.”
“We could do that now if you want to,” Rachel said. “I don’t need the family, and I certainly don’t need to live the high life. I just need you.”
He sighed; a deep, troubled sigh. “Ah. But where does the family end and Mitchell begin? That’s the question.”
“I know who you are,” Rachel said, drawing close to him. “You’re the man I love. Plain and simple.”

ii
Of course it wasn’t that plain and it wasn’t that simple.
Rachel had entered a small and unenviable coterie: that group of people whose private lives were deemed publicly owned. America wanted to know about the woman who had stolen Mitchell Geary’s heart, especially as she’d been an ordinary creature so very recently. Now she was transformed. The evidence was there in the pages of the glossies and the weekly gossip rags: Rachel Pallenberg dressed in gowns a year’s salary would not have bought her six months before, her smile that of a woman happy beyond her wildest dreams. Happiness like that couldn’t be celebrated for very long; it soon lost its appeal. The same readers who were entranced by the rags-to-riches story in February and March, and astonished by the way the shop girl had been made into a princess in April and May, and a little tearful about the announcement of an autumn wedding when it was made in June, wanted the dirt by July.
What was she really like, this thief who’d run off with Prince Mitchell’s eligibility? She wouldn’t be as picture-perfect as she seemed; nobody was that pleasant. She had secrets; no doubt. Once the wedding was announced, the investigators went to work. Before Rachel Pallenberg got into her white dress and became Rachel Geary, they were going to find something scandalous to tell, even if they had to turn over every rock in Ohio to do it.
Mitchell wasn’t immune from the same zealous muckraking. Old stories about his various liaisons resurfaced in tarted-up forms. His short affair with the drug-addicted daughter of a congressman; his various trips around the Aegean with a small harem of Parisian models; his apparently passionate attachment to Natasha Morley, who’d lately married minor European royalty, and (according to some sources) broken his heart by so doing. One of the sleazier rags even managed to find a classmate from Harvard who claimed that Mitchell’s taste for girls ran to the barely pubescent. “If there’s grass on the field, play ball, that’s what he used to say,” the “classmate” remembered.
Just in case Rachel was tempted to take any of this to heart, Margie brought over a stack of magazines that her housekeeper, Magdalene, had hoarded from the early years of Margie’s life with Garrison, all of which contained stories filled with similar vitriol. The two women were in almost every way dissimilar: Rachel petite and stylish, reserved in her manner; Margie big-boned, overdressed, and voluble. Yet they were like sisters in this storm.
“I was really upset at the time,” Margie said. “But I’ve begun to wish ten percent of what they were saying about Garrison was true. He’d be a damn sight more interesting.”
“If it’s all lies, why doesn’t somebody sue them?” Rachel said.
Margie offered a fatalistic shrug. “If it wasn’t us it’d be some other poor sonofabitch. Anyway, if they stopped writing this shit I might have to go back to reading books.” She gave a theatrical shudder.
“So you read this stuff?”
Margie arched a well-plucked eyebrow. “And you don’t?”
“Well…”
“Honey, we all love to learn about who fucked who. As long as we’re not the who. Just hold on. You’re going to get a shitload of this thrown at you. Then they’ll move on to the next lucky contestant.”

Margie, God bless her, hadn’t offered her reassurances a moment too soon. The very next week brought the first gleanings from Dansky. Nothing particularly hurtful; just a willfully depressing portrait of life in Rachel’s hometown, plus a few pictures of her mother’s house, looking sadly bedraggled: the grass on the lawn dead, the paint on the front door peeling. There was also a brief summary of how Hank Pallenberg had lived and died in Dansky. Its very brevity was a kind of cruelty, Rachel thought. Her father deserved better than this. There was much worse to come. Still sniffing after some hint of scandal, a reporter from one of the tabloids tracked down a woman who’d trained with Rachel as a dental technician. Giving her name only as “Brandy,” because she claimed not to want the attention of the press, the woman offered a portrait of Rachel that was beyond unflattering.
“She was always out to catch herself a rich man,” Brandy claimed. “She used to cut pictures out of newspapers—pictures of rich men she thought she had a hope of getting, you know—but rich, always real rich, and then she pinned them all up on the wall of her bedroom and used to stare at them every night before she went to sleep.” And had Mitchell Geary been one of Rachel Pallenberg’s hit-list of eligible millionaires, the reporter had asked Brandy. “Oh sure,” the girl had replied, claiming she’d got a sick feeling when she’d heard the news about how Rachel’s plan had worked. “I’m a Christian girl, born and raised, and I always thought there was something weird about what Rachel was doing with those pictures up there. Like it was voodoo or something.”
All idiotic invention, of course, but it was still a potent mixture of elements. The headline, accompanied by a picture of Rachel at a recent fund-raiser, her eyes flecked with red from the photographer’s flash, read: “Shocking Sex-Magic Secrets of Geary Bride!” The issue was sold out in a day.

iii
Rachel did her best with all this, but it was hard—even accepting that she’d been a consumer of this nonsense herself, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Now it was her face people were staring at as they waited at the supermarket checkout, her life they were half-believing these lies about. All the detachment she was able to muster didn’t spare her the hurt of that.
“What are you doing even looking at that shit?” Mitchell asked her when she raised the subject over dinner that night. The establishment was Luther’s, an intimate restaurant round the corner from Mitchell’s apartment on Park Avenue.
“They could be saying anything,” Rachel said. She was close to tears. “Not just about me. About my mother or my sister or you.”
“We’ve got lawyers watching them all the time. If Cecil felt they were going too far—”
“Too far? What’s too far?”
“Something worth fighting over,” Mitchell said. He reached over and took hold of her hand.
“It’s not worth crying about, baby,” he said softly. “They’re just stupid people who don’t have anything better to do than try and tear other people down. The thing is: they can’t do it. Not to us. Not to the Gearys. We’re stronger than that.”
“I know…” Rachel said, wiping her nose. “I want to be strong, but—”
“I don’t want to hear but, baby,” he said, his tone still tender despite the toughness of the sentiment. “You’ve got to be strong, because people are looking at you. You’re a princess.”
“I don’t feel much like a princess right now.”
He looked disappointed. He pushed the plate of kidneys away, and put his hand to his face. “Then I’m not doing my job,” he said. She stared at him, puzzled. “It’s my job to make you feel like a princess. My princess. What can I do?” He looked up at her, with a kind of sweet desperation on his face. “Tell me: what can I do?”
“Just love me,” she said.
“I do. Honey, I do.”
“I know you do.”
“And I hate it that those sleazeballs are giving you grief, but they can’t touch you, honey. Not really. They can spit and they shout but they can’t touch you.” He squeezed her hand. “That’s my job,” he said. “Nobody gets to touch you but me.”
She felt a subtle tremor in her body, as though his hands had reached out and stroked her between her legs. He knew what he’d done too. He passed his tongue, oh-so-lightly, over his lower lip, wetting it.
“You want to know a secret?” he said, leaning closer to her.
“Yes, please.”
“They’re all afraid of us.”
“Who?”
“Everybody,” he said, his eyes fixed on hers. “We’re not like them, and they know it. We’re Gearys. They’re not. We’ve got power. They haven’t. That makes them afraid. So you have to let them give vent once in a while. If they didn’t do that they’d go crazy.” Rachel nodded; it made sense to her. A few months ago, it wouldn’t have done, but now it did.
“I won’t let it bother me any more,” she said. “And if it does bother me I’ll shut up about it.”
“You’re quite a gal, you know that?” he said. “That’s what Cadmus said about you after his birthday party.”
“He barely spoke to me.”
“He’s got eyes. ‘She’s quite a gal,’ he said. ‘She’s got the right stuff to be a Geary.’ He’s right. You do. And you know what? Once you’re a member of this family, nothing can hurt you. Nothing. You’re untouchable. I swear, on my life. That’s how it works when you’re a Geary. And that’s what you’re going to be in nine weeks. A Geary. Forever and always.”

V (#ulink_76dfda97-f566-5ac3-b7b0-e5f1d760826b)
Marietta just came in, and read what I’ve been writing. She was in one of her willful moods, and I should have known better, but when she asked me if she could read a little of what I’d been writing, I passed a few pages over to her. She went out onto the veranda, lit up one of my cigars, and read. I pretended to get on with my work, as though her opinion on what I’d done was inconsequential to me, but my gaze kept sliding her way, trying to interpret the expression on her face. Occasionally, she looked amused, but not for very long. Most of the time she just scanned the lines (too fast, I thought, to really be savoring the prose) her expression impassive. The longer this went on the more infuriated I became, and I was of half a mind to get up, go out onto the veranda. At last, with a little sigh, she got up and came back in, proffering the pages.
“You write long sentences,” she remarked.
“That’s all you can say?”
She fished a book of matches out of her pocket, and striking one, began to rekindle her cigar. “What do you want me to say?” she shrugged. “It’s a bit gossipy, isn’t it?” She was now studying the book of matches. “And I think it’s going to be hard to follow. All those names. All those Gearys. You don’t have to go that far back, do you? I mean, who cares?”
“It’s all context.”
“I wonder whose number this is?” she said, still studying the book. “It’s a Raleigh number. Who the hell do I know in Raleigh?”
“If you can’t be a little more generous, a little more constructive…”
She looked up, and seemed to see my misery. “Oh, Eddie,” she said, with a sudden smile. “Don’t look so forlorn. I think it’s wonderful.”
“No you don’t.”
“I swear. I do. It’s just that weddings, you know,” her lip curled slightly. “They’re not my favorite thing.”
“You went,” I reminded her.
“Are you going to write about that?”
“Absolutely.”
She patted my cheek. “You see, that’ll liven things up a bit. How are your legs by the way?”
“They’re fine.”
“Total recovery?”
“It looks that way.”
“I wonder why she healed you after all this time?”
“I don’t care. I’m just grateful.”
“Zabrina said she saw you out walking.”
“I go to see Luman every couple of days. He’s got it into his head that we should collaborate on a book when I’m finished with this.”
“About what?”
“Madhouses.”
“What a bright little sunbeam he is. Ah! I know! This is Alice.” She tossed the book of matches into the air and caught it again. “Alice the blonde. She lives in Raleigh.”
“That’s a very dirty look you’ve got in your eyes,” I observed.
“Alice is adorable. I mean, really…sumptuous.” She picked a piece of tobacco from her teeth. “You should come out with me one of these days. We’ll go drinking. I can introduce you to the girls.”
“I think I’d be uncomfortable.”
“Why? Nobody’s going to make a pass at you, not in an all-girl bar.”
“I couldn’t.”
“You will.” She pointed the wet end of her cigar at me. “I’m going to get you out enjoying yourself.” She pocketed the book of matches. “Maybe I’ll introduce you to Alice.”

Of course she left me in a stew of insecurity. My mood now perfectly foul, I retired to the kitchen, to eat my sorrows away. It was a little before one in the morning; Dwight had long since retired to bed. L’Enfant was quiet. It was a little stuffy, so I opened the windows over the sink. There was a light breeze, which was very welcome, and I stood at the sink for a few moments to let it cool my face. Then I went to the refrigerator and began to prepare a glutton’s sandwich: several slices of baked ham, slathered with mustard, some strips of braised aubergine, half a dozen sweet cherry tomatoes, sliced, and a dash of olive oil, all pressed between two slices of freshly cut rye bread.
Feeding my face put everything in context for me. What was I hanging on Marietta’s opinion for? She was no great literary critic. This was my book, my ideas, my vision. And if she didn’t like it, that was fine by me. Her opinion was a complete irrelevancy. I didn’t just think all of this, I talked it through to myself, a mustardy mingling of words and ham.
“Whatever are you chattering about?”
I stopped talking, and looked over my shoulder. There, filling the doorway from side to side, was Zabrina. She was dressed in a tent of a nightgown, her face, upon which she usually puts a little paint and powder, ruddily raw. She had tiny eyes, and a wide thin-lipped mouth; Marietta called her a beady, fat frog once, in a moment of anger, and—cruel though the description may be—it fits. The only glamorous attribute she has is her hair, which is a deep, luxurious orange, and which she’s grown to waist length. Tonight she had it untied, and it fell about her shoulders and upper body like a cape.
“I haven’t seen you in a long while,” I said to her.
“You’ve seen me,” she said, in that odd, breathy voice of hers. “We just haven’t spoken.”
I was about to say—that’s because you always rush away—but I held my tongue. She was a nervous creature. One wrong word and she’d be off. She went to the refrigerator and studied its contents. As usual, Dwight had left a selection of his pies and cakes for her delectation.
“Don’t expect any help from me,” she said out of the blue.
“Help for what?”
“You know what,” she said, still studying the laden shelves. “I don’t think it’s right.” She reached in and took out a pie with either hand, then, pirouetting with a grace surprising in one of her extreme bulk, turned and closed the refrigerator door with her backside. “So don’t expect me to be unburdening myself.”
She was talking about the book of course. Her antipathy was perfectly predictable, given that she knew it to be at least in part Marietta’s idea. Even so, I wasn’t in the mood to be harangued.
“Let’s not talk about it,” I said.
She set the pies—one cherry, one pecan—on the table side by side. Then she went back to the refrigerator, with a little sigh of irritation at her own forgetfulness, and took out a bowl of whipped cream. There was a fork already in the bowl. She lowered herself gently onto a chair and set to, loading up the fork with a little cherry pie, a little pecan, and a lot of whipped cream. She clearly had done this countless times before; watching the skillful way she created these little towers of excess, without ever seeming to drop a crumb of pastry into the cream, or a spot of cream onto the table, was an entertainment unto itself.
“So when did you last hear from Galilee?” she asked me.
“Not in a long while.”
“Huh.” She delivered a teetering mound between her lips, and her lids flickered with bliss as she worked it around her mouth.
“Does he ever write to you?”
She took her leisurely time to swallow before answering. “He used to drop me a note now and again. But not any more.”
“Do you miss him?”
She frowned at me, her lower lip jutting out. “Don’t start that,” she said. “I told you already—”
I rolled my eyes. “In God’s name, Zabrina, I just asked—”
“I don’t want to be in your book.”
“So you said.”
“I don’t want to be in anybody’s book. I don’t want to…be talked about. I wish I was invisible.”
I couldn’t help myself: I smirked. The very idea that Zabrina, of all people, would dream of invisibility was sadly laughable. There she was, conspiring against her own hopes with every mouthful. I thought I’d wiped the smirk off my face by the time she looked up at me, but it lingered there, like the cream at the corners of her own mouth.
“What’s so funny?” she said.
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“So I’m fat. And I wish I was dead. So what?”
The smirk had gone now. “You don’t wish you were dead,” I said. “Surely.”
“What have I got to live for?” she replied. “I’ve got nothing. Nothing I want anyway.” She put down her fork, and started on the cherry pie with her fingers, picking out the syrupy fruit. “Day in and day out, it’s the same story. Serving Momma. Eating. Serving Momma. Eating. When I sleep I dream I’m up there with her, while she talks about the old days.” With sudden vehemence she said: “I hate the old days! What about tomorrow? How about doing something about tomorrow?” Her face, which was, as I mentioned, flushed to begin with, was now beet red. “We’re all so passive,” she said, the vehemence mellowing into a sadness. “You got your legs back but what did you do with them? Did you walk out of here? No. You sat exactly where you’d been sitting all these years, as though you were still a cripple. That’s because you still are. I’m fat and you’re a cripple, and we’re going to go on, day after day after day living our useless lives, till somebody from out there—” she pointed out toward the world “—comes and does us the kindness of putting a bullet through our brains.”
With that, she rose from the ruins of the pies, and made her exit. I didn’t attempt to delay her. I just sat back in my chair and watched her go.
Then, I will admit, I sat for a while with my head in my hands and wept.

VI (#ulink_b09a4edb-2448-5d2b-8693-8fbffab07672)
i
Assaulted by both Marietta and Zabrina, feeling thoroughly uncertain of my talents, I returned to my room, and sat up through the rest of the night. I’d like to tell you that I did so because I was agonizing over the literary problems I had, but the truth was rather more prosaic: I had the squirts. I don’t know whether it was the baked ham, the braised aubergine, or Zabrina’s damn conversation that did it: I only know I spent the hours till dawn sitting on my porcelain throne in a private miasma. Somewhere around dawn, feeling weak, raw, and sorry for myself, I crawled into bed and snatched a couple of hours of sleep. By the time I woke my slumbering mind seemed to have decided that I’d be best writing about Rachel and Mitchell’s wedding in a rather curter style than I’d been employing so far. After all, I reasoned, a wedding was a wedding was a wedding. No use belaboring the subject. People could fill in the pretty details for themselves.
So then: the bare facts. The wedding took place in the first week of September, in a little town in New York State called Caleb’s Creek. I’ve already mentioned it in passing, I believe. It’s not far from Rhinebeck, close to the Hudson. A pretty area, much beloved of earlier generations of American royalty. The Van Cortandts built a home up here; so did the Astors and the Roosevelts. Extravagant houses where they could bring two hundred guests for a cozy weekend retreat. By contrast, the property George Geary had purchased in Caleb’s Creek was a modest place, five bedrooms, colonial style: described in one book about the Gearys as “a farmhouse,” though I doubt it was ever that. He’d loved the place; so had Deborah. After his death she’d many times remarked that the best times of her life had been spent in that house; easy, loving times when the rest of the world was made to wait at the threshold. It was actually Mitchell who had suggested opening the house up again—it had been left virtually unvisited since George’s death—and holding the wedding celebrations there. His mother had warmed to the idea instantly. “George would like that,” she’d said, as though she imagined the spirit of her beloved husband still wandering the place, enraptured by the echoes of happier times.
To clinch the deal, Mitchell drove Rachel up to Caleb’s Creek in the middle of July, and they stayed over at the house for one night. A couple from the town, the Rylanders, who had been housekeeper and gardener during the halcyon days, and had kept the place clean and tidy during its years of neglect, had worked furiously to give the house a second chance at life. When Mitchell and Rachel arrived it looked like a dream retreat. Eric Rylander had planted hundreds of flowers and rosebushes, and laid a new lawn; the windows, doors, and shutters had been painted, so had the white picket fence. The small apple orchard behind the house had been tidied up, the trees pruned; everything made orderly. Inside, Eric’s wife Barbara had been no less diligent. The house had been thoroughly aired, the drapes and carpets cleaned, the woodwork and furniture polished until it shone.
Rachel was, of course, completely charmed. Not just by the beauty of the house and brightness of the garden, but by the evidence everywhere of the man who’d fathered her husband-to-be. At Deborah’s instruction the house had been left as George had liked it. His hundreds of jazz albums were still on their shelves, all alphabetically arranged. His writing desk, where according to Mitchell he’d been making notes for a kind of memoir about his mother Kitty, was just as he’d left it, arrayed with framed family photographs, which had lost most of their color by now.
The visit had not only served to confirm Mitchell’s instincts that this was indeed the place to have the wedding; it had turned into a kind of tryst for the lovers. That night, after a splendid supper prepared by Barbara, they’d stayed up sitting out watching the midsummer sky darken, sipping whiskey and talking about their childhoods; and of their fathers. It had got so dark they couldn’t even see one another’s faces, but they kept talking while the breeze moved in the apple trees: about times they’d laughed, times they’d lost. When, finally, they’d retired to bed (Mitch would not sleep in the master bedroom, despite the fact that Barbara had made up the old four-poster for them; they slept in the room he’d had as a child), they lay in each other’s arms in the kind of blissful exhaustion that usually follows lovemaking, though they had not made love.
When they went back to New York the following morning, Rachel held Mitchell’s hand the whole way. She’d never felt the kind of love she felt for him that day in her life; nothing even close to it.

ii
On the Friday evening, with the whole place—house, garden, orchard, grounds—overrun with people (lantern-hangers, sign-posters, bandstand-erectors, table-carriers, chair-counters, glass-polishers; and on, and on) Barbara Rylander came to find her husband, who was standing at the front gate watching the trucks come and go, and having sworn him to secrecy, said she’d just been out in the orchard, taking a break from the commotion, and she’d seen Mr. George standing there beneath the trees, watching the goings-on. He was smiling, she said.
“You’re a silly old woman,” Eric told his wife. “But I love you very much.” And he gave her a great big kiss right there in front of all these strangers, which was completely out of character.

The day dawned, and it was spectacular. The sun was warm, but not hot. The breeze was constant, but never too strong. The air smelt of summer still, but with just enough poignancy to suggest the coming fall.
As for the bride: she outdid the day. She’d felt nauseous in the morning; but once she started to get dressed her nerves disappeared. She had a short relapse when Sherrie came in to see her daughter and promptly burst into happy tears, which threatened to get Rachel started. But Loretta wasn’t having any of that. She firmly sent Sherrie away to get a brandy, then she sat with Rachel and talked to her. Simple, sensible talk.
“I couldn’t lie to you,” Loretta said solemnly. “I think you know me well enough by now to know that.”
“Yes I do.”
“So believe me when I tell you: everything’s fine; nothing’s going to go wrong; and you look…you look like a million dollars.” She laughed, and kissed Rachel on the cheek. “I envy you. I really do. Your whole life ahead of you. I know that’s a terrible cliché. But when you get to be old you see how true it is. You’ve got one life. One chance to be you. To have some joy. To have some love. When it’s over, it’s over.” She stared intently at Rachel as she spoke, as though there was some deeper significance in this than the words alone could express. “Now, let’s get you to the church,” Loretta said brightly. “There’s a lot of people waiting to see how beautiful you look.”

Loretta’s promise held. The service was performed in the little church in Caleb’s Creek, with all its doors flung wide so that those members of the congregation who weren’t able to be seated—fully half of them—could either stand along the walls or just outside, to hear the short ceremony. When it was over the whole assembly did as wedding parties had done in Caleb’s Creek since the town’s founding: they walked, with the bride and groom hand in hand at the head of the crowd, down Main Street, petals strewn underfoot “to sweeten their way” (as local tradition had it), the street lined on either side with local people and visitors, all smiling and cheering as the procession made its triumphant way through the town. The whole affair was wonderfully informal. At one point a child—one of the Creek kids, no more than four—slipped her mother’s hand and ran to look at the bride and groom. Mitchell scooped the child up and carried her for a dozen yards or so, much to the delight of all the onlookers, and to the joy of the child herself, who only began to complain when her mother came to fetch her, and Mitchell handed her back.
Needless to say there were plenty of photographers on hand to record the incident, and it was invariably an image that editors chose when they were putting together their pieces on the wedding. Nor was its symbolism lost on the scribblers who wrote up the event. The anonymous girlchild from the crowd, lifted up into the strong safe arms of Mitchell Geary: it could have been Rachel.

VII (#ulink_8be1811d-8e50-5a5e-b6ef-4ef73e312a07)
i
Once the pressures of preparation and the great solemnity of the service were over, the event became a party. The last of the formalities—the speeches and the toasts—were kept mercifully short, and then the fun began. The air remained warm, the breeze just strong enough to rock the lanterns in the trees; the sky turned golden as the sun sank away.
“Perfection, Loretta,” Deborah said, when the two women chanced to be sitting alone for a moment.
“Thank you,” Loretta said. “It just takes a little organization, really.”
“Well it’s wonderful,” Deborah replied. “I only wish George were here to see it.”
“Would he have liked her?”
“Rachel? Oh yes. He would have loved Rachel.”
“Unpretentious,” Loretta observed. She was watching Rachel even as she spoke: arm in arm with her beloved, laughing at something one of Mitchell’s old Harvard chums had said. “An ordinary girl.”
“I don’t think she’s ordinary at all,” Deborah said. “I think she’s very strong.”
“She’ll need to be,” Loretta said.
“Mitchell adores her.”
“I’m sure he does. At least for now.”
Deborah’s lips tightened. “Must we, Loretta…?”
“Tell the truth? Not if you don’t want to.”
“We’ve had our happiness,” Deborah said. “Now it’s their turn.” She started to get up from the table.
“Wait—” Loretta said. She reached out and lightly caught hold of Deborah’s wrist. “I don’t want us to argue.”
“I never argue,” Deborah said.
“No. You walk away, which is even worse. It’s time we were friends, don’t you think? I mean…there’s things we’re going to have to start planning for.”
Deborah slipped her arm out of Loretta’s grasp. “I don’t know what you mean,” she said, her tone making it perfectly clear that she did not wish the conversation to continue.
Loretta changed the subject. “Sit down a moment. Did I tell you about the astrologer?”
“No…” Deborah said, “Garrison mentioned you’d found someone you liked.”
“He’s wonderful. His name’s Martin Yzerman; he lives out in Brooklyn Heights.”
“Does Cadmus know you go to one of these people?”
“You should go to Yzerman yourself, Deborah.”
“Why would I want to do that?”
“Advice like that’s very useful if you’re trying to make long-term plans.”
“But I don’t,” she said. “I gave up trying. Things change too quickly.”
“He could help you see the changes coming.”
“I doubt it.”
“Believe me.”
“Could he have predicted what happened to George?” Deborah said sharply.
Loretta let a moment of silence fall between them before she said: “No question.”
Deborah shook her head. “That’s not the way things are,” she said. “We don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. Nobody does.” She rose from her chair. This time Loretta didn’t try to stop her. “I’m astonished that a smart woman like you would put faith in that kind of thing. Really I am. It’s nonsense, Loretta. It’s just a way to make you feel as though you’re in control of things.” She looked down at Loretta almost pityingly. “But you’re not. None of us are. We could all be dead this time tomorrow.”
And with that, she walked away.

This odd little exchange wasn’t the only crack in the bliss of the day. There were three other incidents which are probably worth remarking upon, though none of them were significant enough to spoil the celebrations.
The first of the three, perhaps inevitably, involved Margie. Champagne was not her preferred mode of transport, so she’d made sure that the bar was stocked with good whiskey, and once the first round of bubbly was drunk she switched to Scotch. She rapidly became a little testy, and took it into her head to tell Senator Bryson who, along with his family, had flown up from Washington, what she thought of his recent comments on welfare reform. She was by no means inarticulate and Senator Bryson was plainly quite happy to be chewing on a serious issue rather than nibbling small talk; he listened to Margie’s remarks with suitable concern. Margie downed another Scotch and told him he was talking out of both sides of his mouth. The senator’s wife attempted a little leavening here, remarking that the Gearys weren’t likely to be needing welfare any time soon. To which Margie sharply replied that her father had worked in a steel mill most of his life, and died at the age of forty-five with twelve bucks in his bank account; and where the hell was the man with the whiskey anyway? Now it was Garrison who stepped in to try and bring the exchange to a halt, but the senator made it perfectly plain that he was enjoying the contretemps and wished to continue. The man with the whiskey duly arrived, and Margie got her glass refilled. Where were they, she said; oh yes, twelve bucks in his bank account. “So don’t tell me I don’t know what’s going on out there. The trouble is none of you high and mighties gives a fuck. We’ve got problems in this country, and they’re getting worse, and what are you doing about it? Besides sitting on your fat asses and pontificating.”
“I don’t think any caring human being would disagree with you,” the senator said. “We need to work to make American lives better lives.”
“And what does that all add up to?” Margie said. “A fat lot of nothin’. Is it any wonder nobody in this country believes a damn word any of you people say?”
“I think people are more interested in the democratic process—”
“Democratic, my ass!” Margie said. “It’s all lobbies and paybacks and doing your friends favors. I know how it works. I wasn’t born yesterday. You just want to make the rich richer.”
“I think you’re mistaking me for a Republican,” Bryson chuckled.
“And I think you’re mistaking me for someone who’d trust a fucking word any politician ever said,” Margie spat back.
“That’s enough now,” Garrison said, taking hold of his wife’s arm.
She tried to shake him free, but he held on tight. “It’s all right, Garrison,” the senator said. “She’s got a right to her opinion.” He returned his gaze to Margie. “But I will say this. America’s a free country. You don’t have to live in the lap of luxury if it doesn’t sit well with your political views.” He smiled, though there was not a trace of warmth in his eyes. “I really wonder if it’s entirely appropriate for a woman in your position to be talking about the agonies of the working man.”
“I told you, my father—”
“Is part of the past. This administration is part of the future. We can’t afford sentiment. We can’t afford nostalgia. And most of all, we can’t afford hypocrisy.”
This little speech had the ring of an exit line, and Margie knew it. Too drunk by now to mount any coherent riposte, all she could say was: “What the fuck does that mean?”
The senator was already turning to leave, but he pivoted on his heel to reply to Margie’s challenge. The smile, even in its humorless form, had gone.
“It means, Mrs. Geary, that you can’t stand there in a fifty-thousand-dollar dress and tell me you understand the pain of ordinary people. If you want to do some good, maybe you should start off by auctioning the contents of your closet and giving away the profits, which I’m sure would be substantial.”
That was his last word on the subject. He was gone the next moment, along with his wife and entourage. Garrison went to follow, but Margie clutched his arm.
“Don’t you dare,” she told him. “Or I’ll quote what you said about him being a spineless little shit.”
“You are contemptible,” Garrison said.
“No. You’re contemptible. I’m just a pathetic drunk who doesn’t know any better. You want to take me inside before I start on somebody else?”

ii
Rachel didn’t hear about Margie’s exchange with the man from Washington until after the honeymoon, when Margie herself confessed it. But she was very much a part of the second of the three notable exchanges of the afternoon.
What happened was this: toward dusk Loretta came to find her and asked if she’d mind bringing her mother and sister to meet Cadmus, who was going to be leaving very soon. The old man hadn’t joined the celebration until the cake was about to be cut, at which point he’d been brought out to the big marquee in his wheelchair—to much applause—and made a short, eloquent toast to the bride and groom. He’d then been taken to a shady spot at the back of the house, where the flow of folks who wanted to pay their respects to him could be strictly controlled. Apparently he’d been anxious to meet Rachel’s family earlier in the day, but only now, at nine in the evening, had the line of people eager to shake his hand diminished. He was very tired, Loretta warned; they should keep the conversation brief.
In fact, despite the demands of the day, Rachel thought he looked better than he had at his birthday party, certainly: positively robust for a ninety-six-year-old (sitting comfortably in a high-backed wicker chair generously packed with cushions in a backwater of the garden, nursing a brandy glass and the stub of a cigar). His face was still handsome, after its antique fashion; he’d aged beyond the gouges and furrows into a kind of skeletal grandeur, his skin so tanned it was like old wood, his eyes set in the cups of his sockets like bright stones. His speech was slow, and here and there a little slurred, but he still had more charisma than most men a quarter his age, and sufficient memory to know how to work it on the opposite sex. He was like some much beloved movie star, Rachel thought; so adored in his season that now, though he was well past his prime, he still believed in his own magic. And that was the most important part, belief. The rest was just window dressing.
Loretta made all the introductions, and then returned to the party, leaving Cadmus king of his own court.
“I wanted to tell you how proud I am,” he told Rachel, “to have you, and your mother and your sister, as part of the Geary family. You are all so very lovely, if I may say so.” He handed his glass to the woman (Rachel assumed it was a nurse) who stood close to his chair, and reached out to take the bride’s hand. “Excuse my chilly fingers,” he said. “I don’t have the circulation I used to have. I know how strong the feeling is between you and Mitchell and I must tell you I think he is the luckiest man alive to have won your affections. So many people…” He stopped for a moment, and his eyelids fluttered. Then he drew a deep breath, as if pulling on some buried reserve of energy, and the moment of frailty passed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “So many people, you know, never have in their lives anything like the kind of deep feeling you two have for one another. I had it in my life.” He made a small wry smile. “Regrettably it wasn’t for either of the women I married.” Rachel heard Deanne suppress a guffaw behind her. She glanced back, frowning, but Cadmus was in on the joke. His smile had spread into a mischievous grin. “In fact, you my dear Rachel, bear more than a passing resemblance to the lady I idolized. So much so that when I first set eyes upon you, at that little party Loretta threw for me—as if I wanted to be reminded how antiquated I am—I thought to myself: Mitchell and I have the same taste in beauty.”
“May I ask who this was?” Rachel asked him.
“I’d be pleased to tell you. In fact, I’ll do better than that. Would you care to come to the house next week?”
“Of course.”
“I’ll show you the lady I loved,” Cadmus told Rachel. “Up on the screen, where age can’t touch her. And I’m afraid…neither can I.”
“I’ll look forward to that.”
“So will I…” he said, his voice a little fainter now. “Well, I suppose I should let you ladies go back to the celebration.”
“It’s been wonderful to meet you,” Sherrie said.
“The pleasure’s all mine,” Cadmus replied. “Believe me. All mine.”

“They just don’t make men like that any longer,” Sherrie observed when they were out of the old man’s presence.
“You sound quite smitten,” Deanne said.
“I’ll tell you this,” Sherrie replied, directing her remarks to Rachel, “if Mitchell is half the man he is, you won’t have a thing to complain about.”

VIII (#ulink_b19894f4-9520-53fb-9388-1ecf31fd5d72)
i
The third and final event I’m going to report took place long after dark, and it was the one that could have potentially spoiled the glory of the day.
Let me first set the scene for you. The evening, as I’ve said, was balmy, and though the number of guests slowly dwindled as the hour grew later a lot of people stayed longer than they’d planned, to drink and chat and dance. The time and trouble that had been taken to hang the lanterns in the trees around the house paid off handsomely. Though about nine-thirty or so clouds came in from the northeast, the lamps more than compensated for the lack of stars; it was as though every tree had luminous fruit swaying in its branches, lilac and lemon and lime. It was a time for whispered expressions of love, and among the older folks, a renewal of vows and the making of promises. I’ll be kinder; I’ll be more attentive; I’ll care for you the way I used to care when we were first married.
Nobody gave any thought to being spied on. With so many luminaries in attendance the security had been fierce. But now, with many of the more important guests already departed and the party winding down, the vigilance of the guards was not what it had been, so nobody saw the two photographers who scrambled over the wall to the east of the house. They didn’t find much that would please their editors. A few drunks passed out in their chairs, but nobody of any consequence. Disappointed, they moved on through the grounds, concealing their cameras beneath their jackets if they passed anyone who might question them, until they got to the edge of the dance floor. Here they decided to part.
One of them—a fellow called Buckminster—went to the largest of the tents, hoping he might at least find some overweight celebrity still pigging out. His partner Penaloza headed on past the dance floor, where there were still a few couples enjoying a moody waltz, toward the trees.
None of what Penaloza saw looked particularly promising. He knew the sordid laws of his profession by heart. The readers of the rags to whom he hoped to sell his pictures wanted to see somebody famous committing at least one—but hopefully several—deadly sins. Gluttony was good, avarice was okay; lust and rage were wonderful. But there was nothing significantly sinful going on under the lanterns, and Penaloza was about to turn back to see if he could talk his way into the house when he heard a woman, not far from him, laughing. There was a measure of unease in the sound which drew his experienced ear.
The laughter came again, and this time he made out its source. And, oh my Lord, did he believe what he was seeing? Was that Meredith Bryson, the daughter of Senator Bryson, swaying drunkenly under the tree, her blouse unbuttoned and another woman’s face pressed between her breasts?
Penaloza fumbled for his camera. Now there was a picture! Perhaps if he could just get a little closer, so that no one was in doubt as to Meredith’s identity. He took two cautious steps, ready to shoot and run if the need arose. But the women were completely enraptured with one another; if things got much more heated the picture would be unpublishable.
There was no doubting the identity of the Bryson girl now; not with her head thrown back that way. He held his breath, and got off a shot. Then another. He’d have liked a third, but Meredith’s seducer had already seen him. She gallantly pushed the Bryson girl out of sight behind her, giving Penaloza one hell of a shot of her standing full on to him, shirt unbuttoned to the waist. He didn’t wait for the bitch to start screaming.
“Gotta go,” he grinned; then turned and ran.
What happened next confounded his every expectation. Instead of hearing one or both of the women set up a chorus of tearful hollering, there was silence, except for the din of his own feet as he ran. And then suddenly there was somebody catching hold of the collar of his shirt, and swinging him around, and it was he who let out the yelp of complaint as his attacker wrenched his camera out of his hands.
“You fucking scum!”
It was Meredith’s lover, of course; though God knows she’d put on a supernatural turn of speed to catch up with him.
“That’s mine!” he said, grabbing for his camera.
“No,” she replied, very simply, and tossed it back over her shoulder.
“Don’t touch it!” Penaloza yelled. “That camera is my property. If you so much as lay a finger on that camera I’ll sue you—”
“Oh shut up,” the woman said, and slapped him across the face. The blow stung so badly his eyes watered.
“You can’t do this,” he protested. “This is a Fifth Amendment issue.”
The woman hit him again. “Amend that,” she said.
Penaloza was a reasonably moral man. He didn’t take pleasure in hitting women; but sometimes it was a necessity. Blinking the tears out of his eyes he feinted to the right, and then swung a left that caught the woman’s jaw a solid crack. She let out a very satisfying yelp and stumbled backward, but to his surprise she was back at him before he recovered his own balance, throwing herself at him with such violence she brought them both to the ground.
“Jesus!” he heard somebody say, and from the corner of his eyes saw Buckminster standing a few yards away, photographing the fight.
Penaloza managed to pull one hand free and pointed toward his camera, which still lay on the grass a few yards from the senator’s daughter. “Grab it!” he yelled. “Buck! You shit! Pick up my camera!”
But he was too late. The Bryson bitch was already there, snatching the camera up off the ground, and Buckminster—having decided he’d risked enough as it was—now turned on his heels and fled. Penaloza struggled to pull himself out of his attacker’s grip, but she’d pinned him down, her knees clamped to either side of his head, and he had no energy left to throw her off. All he could do was squirm like a child while she casually beckoned Meredith Bryson over.
“Open the camera up, honey.” Meredith did so. “Now pull out the film.”
Penaloza started to shout again; there were people coming to see what all the commotion was about. If one of them could prevent Meredith from opening the camera, he might still have his evidence. Too late! The back of the camera snapped open, and the Bryson girl pulled the film out.
“Satisfied?” Penaloza growled.
The woman perched on him considered the question for a moment. “Did anybody tell you how lovely you are?” she said, reaching behind her. She took hold of his balls, clutching them tightly. “What a fine, wholesome specimen of manhood you are?” She twisted his scrotum. He sobbed, more with anticipation than fear. “No?” she said.
“…no…”
“Good. Because you’re not. You’re a worthless piece of rat’s doo-doo.” She twisted again. “What are you?” If he’d had a gun at that moment he’d have happily put a bullet through the bitch’s brains. “What. Are. You?” she said again, giving his balls a yank with every syllable.
“Rat’s doo-doo,” Penaloza said.

ii
The woman who’d laid Penaloza low was of course none other than my darling Marietta. And you’re probably sufficiently familiar with her by now to know that she was very proud of herself. When she got back here to L’Enfant she gave Zabrina and myself chapter and verse of the whole escapade.
“Why the hell did you go there in the first place?” I remember Zabrina asking her.
“I wanted to cause some trouble,” she said. “But once I got there, and I’d had a few glasses of champagne, all I wanted to do was fuck. So I found this girl. I didn’t know who she was.” She smiled slyly. “And neither did she, poor sweetheart. But, I like to think I helped her find out.”

There’s one footnote to all of this, and it concerns the subsequent romantic career of the senator’s daughter.
Maybe a year after the Geary wedding, who should appear on the cover of People magazine, there to announce her membership of the Sapphic tribe, but the radiant Meredith Bryson?
Inside, there was a five page interview, accompanied by a number of photographs of the newly uncloseted senator’s daughter. One in the window seat of her house in Charleston; another in the back yard, with two cats; and a third of her and her family at the President’s inauguration, with an inset blowup of Meredith herself, caught looking thoroughly bored.
“I’ve always been interested in politics,” she averred in the body of the piece.
The interviewer hurried her on to something a little juicier. When had she first realized she was a lesbian?
“I know a lot of women say they’ve always known, somewhere deep down,” she replied. “But honestly I didn’t have a clue until I met the right person.”
Could she tell the readers who this lucky lady was?
“No, I’d prefer not to do that right now,” Meredith replied.
“Have you taken her to the White House?”
“Not yet. But I intend to, one of these days. The First Lady and I had a great conversation about it, and she said we’d be very welcome.”
The article twittered on in the same substance-free manner for several pages; I don’t think anything of any moment was said from beginning to end. But after the talk of White House visits I couldn’t help but imagine Marietta and Meredith in Lincoln’s bedroom, doing the deed beneath Abe’s portrait. Now there was a picture the sleaze-hounds would have paid a nice price to own.
As to Marietta, she would not be drawn out any further on the subject of the senator’s daughter. I can’t help wondering, however, if at some point down the line the fate of L’Enfant and the secret lives of Capitol Hill won’t again intersect. This is, after all, a house built by a president. I won’t argue that it’s his masterpiece—that’s surely the Declaration of Independence—but L’Enfant’s roots lie too close to the roots of democracy’s tree for the two not to be intertwined. And if, as Zelim the Prophet once claimed, the process of all things is like the Wheel of the Stars, and what has seemed to pass away will come back again sooner or later, is it unreasonable to suppose that L’Enfant’s demise may be caused or quickened by the order of power that brought it into being?

IX (#ulink_a3e7011a-d219-59aa-a91b-84ab9b1bda5b)
So now you know how Rachel Pallenberg and Mitchell Geary became husband and wife—from their first meeting to the vows at the altar. You know how powerful a family she had entered, and how possessive it was; you know she was in love with Mitchell, passionately so, and that her feelings were reciprocated.
How then, you ask, does such a romance fall from grace? How is it that, a little over two years later, at the end of a rainy October, Rachel was driving around the benighted streets of Dansky, Ohio, cursing the day she’d heard the name of Mitchell Geary?
If this were a work of fiction I could invent some dramatic scenario to explain all this. She’d step into the house one day and find her husband in bed with another woman, or they’d have an argument that would escalate into violence, or he’d reveal to her in the heat of an angry exchange that he’d married her for a bet with his brother. But there was nothing like that in their lives: no adulteries, no violence, and certainly no raised voices. It just wasn’t the way Mitch dealt with things. He liked to be liked, even when being liked meant avoiding a confrontation that would be to everybody’s good. That meant turning a blind eye to Rachel’s discomfort if there was the least risk of stirring up something unpleasant. His former empathy, which had been so much a part of what had enchanted her about him, disappeared. If she was unhappy, he simply looked the other way. There was always plenty of Geary family business to justify his inattention; and of course the inevitable seductions of luxury to soften Rachel’s loneliness when he was gone.
It would be wrong to claim that she was not in some fashion complicit in all of this. It became apparent to her very quickly that her life as Mrs. Mitchell Geary was not going to be as emotionally fulfilling as she’d hoped. Mitchell was wholly devoted to the family business, and as she had no role in that business, nor wanted one, she found herself alone more often than she liked. Instead of sitting Mitch down and talking the problem through—telling him, in essence, that she wanted to be more than a public wife—she let his way of doing things carry the day, and that soon proved a self-fulfilling prophecy. The less she said the harder it became to say anything at all.
Anyway, how could she claim the marriage wasn’t working when to the outside world she’d been given paradise on a platter? Was there anywhere she couldn’t go if she wanted to? Any store she couldn’t shop in until she was tired of saying I’ll take it? They went to Aspen skiing, Vermont for a weekend in the autumn, to enjoy the turning of the leaves. She was in Los Angeles for the Oscar parties, in Paris to see the spring collections, in London for the theater, and Rio and Bali for spur-of-the-moment vacations. What did she have to complain about?
The only person in whom she could confide her growing unhappiness was Margie, who wasn’t so much sympathetic as fatalistic.
“It’s a trade-off,” she said. “And it’s been going on since the beginning of time. Or at least since the first rich man ever took himself a poor wife.”
Rachel flinched at this. “I am not—”
“Oh honey.”
“That’s not why I married Mitch.”
“No, of course it isn’t. You’d be with him if he was ugly and poor and I’d be with Garrison if he was tap-dancing on a street corner in Soho.”
“I love Mitch.”
“Right now?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, sitting here right now, having said all the things you’ve just said about how he’s neglectful, and doesn’t want to talk about feelings, and so on, sitting right here right now, you love him?”
“Oh Lord…”
“Is that a maybe?”
There was a pause while they thought about what she was feeling at that moment. “I don’t know what I feel,” she admitted. “It’s just that he’s not…”
“The man you married?” Rachel nodded. Margie refilled her whiskey glass and leaned forward as though to whisper something, though they were the only people in the room. “Sweetheart, he never was the man you married. He was just giving you the Mitch you wanted to see.” She leaned back, waving her free hand in the air as though to swat a swarm of phantom Gearys out of her sight. “They’re all the same. Christ knows.” She sipped her whiskey. “Believe it or not, Garrison can be charm personified when it suits him. They must get it from their grandfather.”
Rachel pictured Cadmus the way he’d been at the wedding; sitting in his high-backed chair dispensing charm like a benediction.
“If it’s all a performance,” she said, “where’s the real Mitch?”
“He doesn’t know any more. If he ever did, which I doubt. It’s sort of pitiful when you think about it. All that power, all that money, and there’s nobody home to use it.”
“They use it all the time,” Rachel said.
“No,” Margie replied. “It uses them. They’re not living. None of us Gearys are. We’re all just going through the motions.” She peered at her glass. “I know I drink too much. It’s rotting my liver and it’ll probably kill me. But at least when I’ve got a few whiskeys inside me I’m not stuck being Mrs. Garrison Geary. When I’m drunk I give up being his wife, I’m somebody he wishes he didn’t know. I like that.”
Rachel shook her head in despair. “If it’s so bad,” she said, “why don’t you just leave?”
“I’ve tried. I’ve left him three times. Once I stayed away for five months. But…you get into a certain way of being. You get comfortable.” Rachel looked uneasy. “It doesn’t take long. Look, I don’t like living in Garrison’s shadow, but I like living without his credit cards even less.”
“You could divorce him and get a very nice settlement, Margie. You could live anywhere you wanted, anyway you wanted.”
Now it was Margie who shook her head. “I know,” she said softly. “I’m just making excuses.” She picked up the whiskey bottle and poured herself another half tumbler. “The fact is, I’m not leaving because somewhere deep down I don’t want to. I guess maybe what’s left of my self-esteem’s wrapped up in being part of the dynasty. Isn’t that pathetic?” She sipped on her drink. “Don’t look so appalled, honey. Just because I’m too screwed up to leave, doesn’t mean you can’t. How old are you now?”

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