Finding Glory
Finding Glory
Sara Arden
Once upon a time, he was just a hopeless cause from the wrong side of Glory, Kansas. And he'll be damned if he'll let anyone drag him back down after finally clawing his way out.Everyone knows that Gina Townsend is a saint, always taking care of everyone around her. And now she's trying to be a mother to her six-year-old niece, Amanda Jane. But the girl's biological father isn't helping matters. The scruffy, gangly boy Gina remembers has returned to Glory a sexy, successful man, but Reed Hollingsworth is the only thing standing between her and losing Amanda Jane to foster care.Betrayed that neither Townsend sister bothered to tell him he was a father until he had money, Reed's still not about to shirk his responsibilities. So when he demands Gina move in with him as part of Amanda Jane's custody agreement, he tries not to notice pretty much everything about her–especially the way his solemn-faced daughter laughs when they play together.Raising a child together, Reed and Gina learn that some dreams come and go, but some are a spark that burns eternal…
Once upon a time, he was just a hopeless cause from the wrong side of Glory, Kansas. And he’ll be damned if he’ll let anyone drag him back down after finally clawing his way out.
Everyone knows that Gina Townsend is a saint, always taking care of everyone around her. And now she’s trying to be a mother to her six-year-old niece, Amanda Jane. But the girl’s biological father isn’t helping matters. The scruffy, gangly boy Gina remembers has returned to Glory a sexy, successful man, but Reed Hollingsworth is the only thing standing between her and losing Amanda Jane to foster care.
Betrayed that neither Townsend sister bothered to tell him he was a father until he had money, Reed’s still not about to shirk his responsibilities. So when he demands Gina move in with him as part of Amanda Jane’s custody agreement, he tries not to notice pretty much everything about her—especially the way his solemn-faced daughter laughs when they play together.
Raising a child together, Reed and Gina learn that some dreams come and go, but some are a spark that burns eternal...
Dear Reader (#ulink_1a1bc9e0-05b6-531b-abbc-7dd3067f665c),
Here we are again back in the small town of Glory, where things aren’t always what they seem, and neither are the people we grew up with. Even with such a close-knit community, the people on the fringes are often the ones who need that community the most.
Just like Reed and Gina.
This story is a little different than the others on the surface, but deep at its core, it’s about the same things. Love, hope and redemption. Finding the courage inside yourself to be the best person you can be, letting love heal the wounds that are soul-deep, and fighting for the happily-ever-after that we all deserve.
Thanks so much for coming back again and checking in on our favorite small town. You know it’s not the same here without you.
Happy reading!
Sara Arden
Finding Glory
Sara Arden
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
This is dedicated to the steadfast, inspiring, beautiful Nicolase Mallat. You’re the best book midwife there is. You held my hand, soothed my brow and helped me bring this into the world.
Contents
Cover (#ud5bca7e7-7160-5fe3-b3aa-700bde61658c)
Back Cover Text (#ufd353749-0e26-5dba-95b0-d955c49ec7d3)
Dear Reader (#uae4a5d5f-cc07-515c-a1d2-978c4717b83c)
Title Page (#ub0755550-a695-505c-aa2a-acb2ba6ae815)
Dedication (#ue4f08248-9dbf-5d4e-bd5c-e24ab0bd6477)
PROLOGUE (#uf98353ff-8eef-5925-aad4-609e30958e4c)
CHAPTER ONE (#ud1d4a3ec-45bf-5e11-8d3a-59e68a7fbb4a)
CHAPTER TWO (#u6d0564c3-02ca-51d2-a413-c648d2a5c7ef)
CHAPTER THREE (#uc8d1d74f-c4d1-5a98-803a-22691b3b6bae)
CHAPTER FOUR (#u995c531e-6123-5520-8fde-8a34f680dbd0)
CHAPTER FIVE (#ube95d3da-5f18-50aa-8bf6-8075ceec0d49)
CHAPTER SIX (#u09fab2c1-01a8-55ba-bc86-de99f6f25c11)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#ud98c571a-cfbe-59a2-82bf-8375678fa72c)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#u2c2a5ec4-e2c1-5404-8d9c-6cdcfd38c0f7)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIFTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIXTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINETEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
PROLOGUE (#ulink_d56bc8cd-2496-5fa4-b7ed-574c7d6d5d38)
“I SAY, DO HUSH, ETHEL.” Helga Gunderson rattled the gavel at the podium with all of the authority afforded her station both as the Grand Dame of the Glory Grandmothers and as the chief judge for the first district in Glory County.
Ethel Weinburg, local busybody, knitting genius and general jill-of-all-trades, squirmed in her seat and made a big show of adjusting the folds of her dress.
Helga warmed. “I want to hear all about your petunias, dear, but we have urgent business on Maudine’s behalf.”
The woman in question, one Maudine Townsend, sat in the proverbial hot seat up on the small stage. Her blue hair didn’t put anyone off—after all, it was perfectly coiffed as it had been every day since she was thirteen. The dye job had been to show school spirit for her old alma mater, but the temporary dye had become more of a fixture.
“As you all know, I haven’t been feeling well.” Maudine took a deep breath, deciding what she wanted to say next. She didn’t want anyone other than Helga to know just what she’d been going through, but she needed them to understand the importance of what she was about to ask.
“Have you tried a cleanse?” Regan Marsh asked, pushing up her glasses. “A good colonic can fix everything. I remember this one time when—”
Heavens save her from people who could only talk about their bodily functions. Maudine held up her hand. “Stop right there. I swore that the day I spoke of such things in public would be my cue to lie down and let them bury me. If that’s all I can converse about, it’s a sad day indeed.” She pursed her lips. “No, what I need is more for my granddaughter, Gina. She has absolutely no life trying to raise Amanda Jane. She’s a good parent, but she’s too young to have given up on falling in love.”
“Maybe her priorities are right where they need to be,” Rose Cresswell offered.
Maudine’s eyes narrowed. “Amanda Jane needs a father.” And I need to know she’ll be loved when I’m gone.
“I raised my daughters without a man just fine, thank you very much.” Ethel crossed her arms.
“No one is saying you didn’t. I didn’t say Bitsie Weinburg needs a father. I said Amanda Jane Townsend does. And Gina needs the help. Not because she’s not capable, but because she deserves to have something in her life she didn’t have to fight for. It would just kill me if she missed out on becoming a doctor because I couldn’t take Amanda Jane full-time,” Maudine confessed.
Gina’s story thus far was like a penny dreadful. She’d lost her mother, her sister, and now was trying to take care of her niece and put herself through medical school. She’d found a way to do that with the army, but when she found out Amanda Jane needed her, she’d declined to reenlist. And in doing so, had declined the GI Bill that would’ve paid for her education. No, Gina wasn’t going to end up like everyone else in Maudine’s family. She would survive and thrive, no matter what Maudine had to do to make it happen. She couldn’t help but feel like she could’ve done more, done better.
“Honey, no one would expect you to.” Helga gave her a sympathetic smile. The kind that you save for kittens, daisies and best friends. Especially when you knew how much pain that best friend was in.
Of course Helga knew what she was thinking. Helga always knew. She was like the FBI.
“Anyway—” She shook her head. Maudine didn’t want the conversation centered on her. It was about Gina. Making Gina happy. Seeing her settled.
Maudine knew that Gina could do anything. She believed in her—in her grit, in her spirit, in the fire in her belly that would help her succeed at everything. But her whole life had been a fight. It was time for something good and Maudine was going to make that happen for her.
“As I was saying—” she continued “—I want to see Gina settled.”
“Why do they call it settling? I wouldn’t think you’d want her to settle,” Regan interjected.
“Fine. Happy. I want to see her happy.” Maudine rolled her eyes and wondered how they ever accomplished anything.
“I heard that Reed Hollingsworth is back in town. He bought a big house on Knob Hill,” Rose Cresswell added helpfully.
“We all know that, Rose,” Helga reminded her kindly. “He’s Amanda Jane’s father. We’ve been watching this very closely.”
Rose sighed. “I suppose I mean to say what are we going to do about it? I mean, if we’re trying to matchmake for Gina.”
“Exactly!” Maudine pointed a finger at Rose. “That’s it exactly. What are we going to do about it?”
Ethel’s brow furrowed. “I suppose it depends on what you think we can do about it. What’s your endgame?” Ethel had on her game face, the one she reserved for their poker matches after the meeting. Things were getting serious.
“Gina’s happiness.”
“Duh.” Regan Marsh rolled her eyes behind her thick, bejeweled glasses. “But what—” she stuffed a bite of scone from Sweet Thing into her mouth “—do you think her perfect pitch is? What sort of resonance will make her happy?”
“I really wish you wouldn’t speak like that, Regan. It shatters your credibility.” Helga wrinkled her nose. “And why do you always have to bring everything back to a musical analogy? Wouldn’t it annoy you to no end if I did that? If I made everything about the law?”
Several glances cut to Helga sharply and she narrowed her eyes. “Fine. I’ll work on that. Anyway, Maudine. What do you think will make Gina happiest?”
“To have a whole family. A man who will love her, and Amanda Jane as his own. To go to medical school without worrying about how we’re going to provide Amanda Jane with the things she needs.” Maudine sighed heavily. “I’ve done my best.”
“We know you have, dear. So does she.” Marie Hart nodded from her chair.
“We could set her up with my grandson, Greg. He’s a firefighter. He’s always had an eye for Gina,” Helga offered.
“No.” Ethel shook her head. “It’s too cute. Greg and Gina Gunderson. There are so many g’s there, I choked on them.”
“Ethel, you cannot expect people to marry or not marry because of their names,” Rose admonished.
“The answer is staring us in the face.” Maudine’s expression melted into a sly smile. “She’ll marry Reed,” she proclaimed. That was the perfect solution.
“Have you lost your mind?” Rose asked, her expression one of serious concern.
“No, no. I’m serious as Old Man Zorn’s heart attack.” Maudine nodded emphatically. “She’s always had a crush on Reed. Even when the boy had no prospects. Now, he does. He has several billion of them, he’s Amanda Jane’s father...it solves all of our problems.”
“Have you forgotten the part where he was on the drugs?” Ethel faux-whispered.
It was Helga’s turn to roll her eyes. “The drugs? As if he did them all? That was years ago. He’s cleaned up his act. He’s CEO of a major international company. If there was the slightest chance he was slipping, his board of directors would oust him so fast it would make your head spin.”
“I wouldn’t trust him with a child.” Ethel crossed her arms. “This is all just so seedy.”
“Good thing it’s not up to you, isn’t it?” Maudine looked pointedly at Helga. She’d be hearing the paternity suit Maudine had convinced Gina to file against Reed.
“You’re asking me to break the law. To form an opinion days before I hear a case.” Helga shook her head.
“No, I’m asking you, after listening to the evidence for yourself, to consider this option as a relief of circumstances to both parties.” Maudine flashed a self-satisfied smile. “Offer them marriage as an option to child support and a custody fight.”
“Are you sure you’re not the one who should’ve gone to law school?” Helga eyed her.
“I just know what’s best for Gina. That’s why we started the Grandmothers, right? To put our life experience to good use.” Maudine nodded.
“Do you have any doubts about this? Any at all? A man can change a lot in seven years,” Helga asked.
“Yes, I do believe he can.” Maudine nodded again, but this time it was weighted with purpose.
“I won’t make you any promises. If, based on the evidence presented, this is a good idea, I’ll suggest it. But it might not be. I am an officer of the court. So we need a backup plan.”
“Your grandson is my backup plan.” Maudine grinned.
“That’s probably not something you should ever say to his face, dear,” Regan added.
“Too true.” Helga nodded. “He’s a good man. And should be a woman’s first choice, not a backup plan.”
“You know what I mean. I already love Greg like my own.” Maudine tried to smooth over her careless words.
“I know that.” Helga sniffed. “So, anyone else have anything to contribute or are we ready to move on to the next item of business?”
Maudine stood. “We can move on to Ethel’s prize-winning petunias.”
“Actually, I think we should discuss how to get Marie’s B and B more exposure,” Ethel added. “My petunias are quite special, but they can only do so much, you know.”
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_355b34a8-ec87-5b62-bb3a-a18ef2425015)
A LACY COLLAR lay expertly arranged atop the judge’s black robes, like the doily positioned just so underneath the orange carnival glass bowl that held an endless supply of her grandmother’s hard, ribbon candy. The kind Gina had chipped her front tooth on when she was eight. Seeing it perched there, so crisp, so proper, caused a heavy knot to turn in on itself in her gut.
“Sit up straight,” Maudine Townsend whispered in Gina’s ear. “Just because I’ve played pinochle with Helga Gunderson every Saturday for as long as I can remember doesn’t mean she’s going to look kindly on you. She’ll be fair.”
“How is it fair to judge someone by their posture? Especially when I know that you two have never played pinochle. You play five-card stud and shoot whiskey,” Gina whispered back to her blue-haired grandmother. The woman’s hair was literally a light shade of blue. She’d dyed it for the street carnival two weeks back and temporary had turned out to be more permanent. But she’d accessorized nicely, striking an imposing figure in a white vintage Chanel suit circa 1963. Somehow, she’d made it work.
Maudine raised a perfectly drawn eyebrow. “Don’t be tart.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Gina straightened her posture. She was a grown woman, former army, and her grandmother still had the power to make her jump to. She didn’t mind it much. Her grandmother was the reason she was a fighter. Her grandmother was the reason she’d made it through high school after her mother died.
And her grandmother was the reason that Gina believed she could be a good mother to her niece, Amanda Jane, after Crystal died a year ago.
There’d been a lot of loss and a lot of sorrow in the past few years. It was a lot for anyone to bear, especially a six-year-old girl.
Suddenly, her grandmother’s fingers tightened around hers, the cool metal of her mail-order costume rings digging into Gina’s palms.
She looked up and saw him.
Him.
Reed Hollingsworth.
Gina thought she’d prepared herself for this—for seeing him after all these years. For facing him and demanding he do what was right.
No, faced with him, she felt like she’d opened the door to confront the monster in the closet and found out he was real. No, no...Reed wasn’t a monster. He was just a guy. A man like any other, even if he didn’t think so anymore.
He smelled of money, or she could tell that he would from across the courtroom.
Reed was ushered into the court by some shark masquerading as a man in a suit. They each had haircuts that probably cost more than all the shoes in her closet combined. Of course, that probably wasn’t saying much.
His hair gleamed, perfect and golden under the light. Too perfect, she wanted to muss it, push her fingers through it and disturb its perfection. She wanted proof that he was still Reed underneath this shiny veneer. Still the same boy, at heart. Because if he wasn’t, how would she survive this?
She’d survive anything, because she had to, she reassured herself.
Gina crossed her ankles and tucked her dollar-store flats underneath her, self-conscious of her hand-me-down dress and the slightly gnawed tips of her unpolished fingernails.
“I’m not worried about the judge, I’m worried about him. Don’t give him the satisfaction,” her best friend and lawyer, Emma Grimes, said from the seat next to her. “I don’t doubt he’s going to try to pull something here. That attack dog he’s got with him looks much too smug.”
“Good thing you’re better than an attack dog. You’re a nuclear weapon.” Or so Gina hoped. She’d need it to stand her own.
Gina had never been so angry as the day she found out that Reed had bought a house on Snob Hill. He had money for houses, for fancy cars, for whatever he wanted. Not just what he needed, but wanted. Any little thing—especially coming back to Glory and showing everyone he’d succeeded even when the world had been against him.
Well, that was just lovely for him, but what about his daughter? What about Crystal?
And what about herself?
Gina didn’t begrudge him his success and she didn’t want a handout. She was more than happy to work for everything she had, but it wasn’t fair that she was back to waiting tables, working as an EMT and trying to get through premed, all while raising his daughter with no help from him.
If he didn’t want to know the beautiful girl his daughter was, fine. But helping pay for her education, for her food and the clothes on her back was his responsibility, too, not Gina’s alone. She’d be damned if she’d let him waltz back into town and lord his money and success over everyone while Gina went without so Amanda Jane could have the things she needed—let alone anything she just wanted.
It was wrong that when they went to the store Amanda Jane never asked for anything. That when she made her Christmas list she put things on it like school supplies for Gina. It was kind, yes. She had a large heart, but Amanda Jane had gotten to know nothing of being a child. Even when she played on the swings, it was done with the grim determination of a chore. Something she was supposed to do.
All because she’d had a mother who loved her high more than her daughter and Reed couldn’t be bothered to be a father.
That thought sat cold and false in her mind. Even though she’d seen the proof in his absence, she’d never thought he’d be that way. In fact, when she’d played pretend in her head, she was the sister he’d fallen for, and he was always a wonderful dad.
But in those pretend schemes, he’d never been a junkie, either. Not that he was now; he was clean and sober.
Damn him, anyway.
Why did he have to be so handsome?
Why did he have to come back?
Why did he have to be Amanda Jane’s father?
She supposed if she were going to get stuck on that endless loop, she could ask the universe a lot of questions. Why did her mother have to die... It was what it was and the only thing she had control over was the here and now.
Sort of. She had control of her actions. That was it.
Judge Gunderson’s voice yanked her out of her thoughts. “Before I officially hear this case—” she peered down at them meaningfully, her presence heavy in the small room “—I want to offer you both a solution that has been suggested to me by concerned parties.”
Concerned parties? That would equal one Maudine Townsend. Gina forced herself to keep her eyes forward on the judge and not glaring at her grandmother.
She loved the woman.
She admired her.
Couldn’t live without her.
But she liked to meddle where she oughtn’t.
“Consider giving the child the stability and permanence marriage will provide.”
Maybe the judge was her grandmother’s best friend, but damn it.
“I object,” Gina said.
“Shh!” Emma and her grandmother said at the same time.
“Of course you do.” Judge Gunderson addressed her. “I wouldn’t want to marry a man I didn’t love, either. But you could do it for Amanda Jane.”
Reed’s gaze was hot on her, as if she’d just come into the sight of some heat-seeking missile. Well, she wasn’t going to look at him and give him the satisfaction.
“So my client is good enough to provide for you, but not good enough to marry? Noted,” the shark replied.
“Young man,” Helga Gunderson began as she turned her chilly stare on him. “Maybe your theatrics are appreciated in other courts. But you are in my courtroom. Being a smart aleck isn’t going to win you any favors.”
The shark grinned, not at all put off by her words. “Yes, ma’am.” He was almost handsome, that predator in a suit, with his boyish grin.
“And, Miss Grimes, please remind your client that she isn’t the one who gets to object.” Helga looked at them both pointedly.
“Yes, ma’am.” Emma nudged her under the table like she had those years ago in study hall.
And her grandmother pinched her on the other side.
“You don’t get to object, either. Stop it,” she grumbled under her breath at the woman who looked more pleased with herself than she should.
“Miss Grimes, Mr. James, confer with your clients.”
Emma leaned over. “It costs us nothing to say you’ll consider it. In fact, it could gain us some leverage if we have to appeal. You look agreeable and motivated to do what’s best for Amanda Jane.”
She snuck a glance at Reed and felt as if she was in high school all over again. She didn’t want to be the one to put herself out there. To say yes before he did. It was like admitting she didn’t think boys had cooties in the fourth grade. That was so stupid.
“You need every advantage you can get here. He’s her father. Crystal may have wanted you to have custody, but legally—” Emma whispered.
“Okay, fine.” Oh, God, could Reed really take Amanda Jane away from her? She’d never actually believed that could happen, but sitting here in the courtroom now, it was a sword of Damocles hanging over her head. He had more money, more advantages and no matter what Judge Gunderson’s ruling was, Reed could appeal it forever.
Emma straightened and nodded to the judge.
Reed’s eyes were on her again; she didn’t need to look at him to know that he was the one who watched her. It was almost as if he was trying to see what was under her skin. Or maybe he was just trying to look through her and pretend she wasn’t there.
“What about you, Mr. James? Your client’s answer?”
“We agree to consider it.”
Consider it. Marrying Reed Hollingsworth? That was just insane. The idea crashed into her, bruising her in places she didn’t know were still sore.
He was “considering” it. As if he would deign to look down from the castle he’d built for himself and still found her lacking.
She snuck a glance at him and he was still watching her, his blue eyes sharp as blades slicing her to ribbons.
But Gina refused to look away, refused to back down. She’d fight for Amanda Jane with every breath in her body.
“If you decide to go forward, I want a prenup on my desk before next week. If not, we’ll be revisiting this case to decide custody, visitation and support.”
“This is wonderful news. What are your colors going to be?” Maudine asked. “I’m thinking blush and cream.”
“I’m thinking you’ve lost your mind.” She took her grandmother’s hand. “If for some reason, this insanity happens, it will be just a signing of papers in Emma’s office. No dress, no vows, no—”
“Why would you deny an old woman her last wish?”
Gina snorted. “You’re far from dying, Grams.” She said it more to reassure herself than anyone else.
“You don’t know that. I could get hit by a bus. Or choke on—”
“Then I should never get married so you don’t ever leave us.” Gina hated how close to the truth that really was and her nose prickled.
“Hush with that.” Maudine’s thin arm came around her and pulled her close. She smelled like lavender and home. “Come on, now. Everything will be well. I know these things.”
After the judge left, Gina wanted to do anything but be in the same room with Reed. She was afraid he’d speak to her; she was afraid he wouldn’t. She didn’t know how to act.
When she’d been thinking about taking him to court for child support, this part of it had never figured into the equation. This hadn’t been real to her. It had been some fey idea in her head. When Emma asked her if she was sure about taking him to court, she’d been so steadfast. So sure. Now? She was drowning.
She didn’t think she’d have to see him, hear him. She certainly hadn’t thought she’d have to marry him.
As if that would happen, anyway. Not in a million years. The idea was preposterous.
But then what would she do if he wanted sole custody? Gina needed Amanda Jane as much as her niece needed her. She was her touchstone, her reason for fighting as hard as she had. She might have given up on med school last semester if not for her.
For a moment, Gina wondered if maybe that might be the best thing for Amanda Jane. Reed had all the advantages and she’d never want for anything.
But Reed didn’t know how to be a family. His own had been more lacking than hers. She’d at least had her grandmother.
Now wasn’t the time for self-doubt. It was the time to be decisive, to charge ahead with confidence, bravery and to never ever look back.
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_9e830bfb-5872-553d-8046-68b430192d20)
REED’S FIRST REACTION to the news that he was a father had been anger. Anger that he’d been denied the chance to really be a father. Anger that Crystal and Gina had taken that away from him. Anger that they didn’t want anything from him except his money. Because he hadn’t known he was a father until he’d been served with suit for child support.
Then under that anger, all the old pain, the old doubt—all the baggage associated with the old Reed— surfaced. He was very much that same kid again who wanted so desperately to be enough.
But something akin to longing vied for top tier when he saw Gina sitting there next to her grandmother.
Beautiful, innocent Gina with her ethereal pale skin, her cloud of dark hair and her soft pink lips that always had a smile for him.
He remembered how smooth and soft her hands were on his forehead, the way she’d tenderly pushed his hair out of his face when he’d been racked with fever and chills the first time he’d tried to get clean. There had been no pity in her eyes, only her kindness to ease his suffering.
One of his darkest secrets was that single time he’d slept with Crystal. He’d thought it was Gina, and that made him all kinds of a bastard. Especially when once he’d realized it wasn’t, it had been too good to stop. Something that finally felt good in a hazy world of pain and numbness.
He’d allow that he was still a bastard, but he wasn’t that kid anymore. That kid who’d do anything to feel good, anything to belong, anything to feel like someone gave a damn about him.
He gave a damn about himself and no one, not even Gina Townsend, was going to take that away from him.
Reed had come a long way since then and Gina obviously knew that. She and Crystal hadn’t wanted anything to do with him, hadn’t cared about Amanda Jane’s paternity until that article about him had appeared in Finance Today touting his net worth.
Marriage. What the hell was Gina thinking?
Besides wanting his money?
“I’m on it, Reed. If this is just a money grab on her part, I’ll get you custody of the child, and have her paying you child support before this is over. Parental alienation. It’s a crime.” Gray sounded almost cheerful.
That didn’t make him feel any better. His ego may have wanted Gina and Crystal to suffer, but his heart didn’t. No, he didn’t want that for Gina and Crystal. Crystal’s suffering was over. She’d died and Gina was trying to raise his daughter all on her own.
He was still all twisted up. It was like standing there naked. He’d built this persona around himself, made himself believe he was this successful billionaire, but inside, he was still that guy from a trailer park.
There were days he felt as if any minute someone was going to come tell him that it had all been a mistake and he had to give it back.
And sitting in court next to his lawyer in the town that only knew him as poor white trash kept reminding him that it was a possibility.
“I think we should go to the Bullhorn for lunch.”
“Isn’t that where she works? What are you doing?” Gray shoved his papers in his briefcase.
“I just... I need to see her.” Reed wanted to assure himself that despite all of this, everything they’d both been through, that she was still Gina. Gina of the soft eyes, the tender hands, Gina who would be a good mother.
“You just saw her.”
“No. I need to see her.” He hoped that Gray would understand.
He didn’t. Gray was made of steel and granite. Everything was very simple for him. “That’s what the meeting is for that I’m arranging with her lawyer.”
“Are you coming or what?” Well, he’d drag him along, anyway.
“That’s what I like about you, Hollingsworth. You live to make my job harder.” But Grayson smiled. “How do you know she’s going to work, anyway?”
“She’ll go to work. That’s what she does. A tornado couldn’t keep her away.” That was, if she was still the Gina he knew. Maybe she wasn’t. People were allowed to change. After all, hadn’t he?
Half an hour later Reed found himself sitting alone in a corner at Bullhorn BBQ, Gray having opted to have lunch elsewhere to keep plausible deniability. The place hadn’t changed at all. It still had that rustic mom-and-pop feel to the place—all the meat was smoked out back in a smoker. You could smell this place for miles.
The tables were covered in plastic red-and-white-checkered cloths, the chairs all a mismatched lottery, some scarred and ancient and others with a little less wear. The food was served in red plastic baskets, the kind you’d see in any diner in Nowhere, USA. There was something about the waxy brown paper that lined those baskets that made the food taste better.
Or maybe that was just a good association. Whenever he saw food served like that, it reminded him of the good times of his childhood. Of Gina sneaking food out the back door to him when his mother hadn’t been home in weeks, or she was too stoned to care. The taste had always been like heaven.
It had been years since he’d eaten in a place like this. Now it was all business dinners, charity balls and food prepared by a personal chef.
But as soon as the scent hit him, with a follow-up punch of nostalgia, all that had been wiped away. There was a part of him that wished he was still that screwed-up kid coming to beg food from her. She’d always had a smile for him then. He never had to doubt what she wanted from him.
He’d been worth something to her then.
Some movement caught his eye and he turned to see the object of his thoughts. Having seen her from a distance that morning in court still didn’t prepare him for the reality of her. For the hurricane of emotions that swept through him when he saw her. It was like a physical blow that knocked the breath from his lungs.
At first, he didn’t think it was her—it couldn’t be. She’d been demure this morning, a pale version of herself.
Yet it was her, in all the glorious flesh.
She was wearing a Bullhorn shirt that was stretched snug across her breasts, the horns of the bull curled enticingly over her wares. Gina had never filled out the shirt like that before...
It was tucked into cargo pants that hugged her hips and ass in the most enticing way. And he wasn’t the only one looking. Her ponytail swung as she expertly negotiated the floor with trays of ribs and pulled pork, and he wondered if her hair smelled like that flowery shampoo she loved or if she’d smell just a bit like barbecue. Both made his mouth water.
“Gina-bee!” a small voice exclaimed and someone held up a large, red plastic cup. “Root beer, please?”
He froze, his assessment of Gina finished for the moment. That small voice was a cold splash of reality. Suddenly, he was afraid to look. That could only be Amanda Jane. Her blond curls bounced as she wagged the cup around for Gina’s attention. She looked so much like him, it was uncanny.
His heart did something in that moment. It froze, it melted, it shattered—it did everything a heart could do. He was overwhelmed by the fact that he was a father. This little person—he’d helped create her. She was part of him.
And he didn’t even know her.
His fingers curled into a fist. He didn’t know her because they didn’t want her to know him. Crystal didn’t tell him. He’d have expected Gina to try to get in touch with him, at least.
She had. Now that she knew he had money.
“Certainly not. You’ve had enough.” Gina’s voice interrupted his thoughts.
“But I said please.” Amanda Jane’s lower lip curled into an exaggerated pout.
“Yes, you did.” Gina smiled and the expression lit up her face. “Thank you. How about water?”
The pout inflated, but then disappeared. “May I have root beer and ribs tomorrow?”
“I’m surprised you’re not sick of ribs.” Her voice had an indulgent tone to it.
Amanda Jane shook her head. “Never,” she said vehemently.
Gina slid a new glass, presumably filled with water, toward the girl on the way to clear another table.
For a moment, he had a glimpse of a life he’d been afraid to want. Of being a father to a sweet-faced girl who looked much like his own baby photos and being a husband to a woman like Gina.
If he’d had any sharp utensils near, he would have gouged that thought out of his head any way he could. But it was possible. All he had to do was say yes. Gina would do this, if only to keep custody of Amanda Jane.
As if she felt the weight of his gaze, she turned and Gina froze in the midst of wiping her hands on a napkin.
He watched her face change like the ebb and flow of the tide. She was always so easy to read. Reed would’ve thought the world might have hardened her more, taught her to hide her emotions. But everything she felt bloomed bright on her face with no reservations.
For a second, she was surprised to see him, then there was a happiness in her eyes that startled him. He hadn’t expected that—genuine happiness at the sight of him. But it faded quickly into a scowl.
“What do you want?”
“Lunch.” Reed didn’t mean to sound so cavalier, but it was his only defense against her. What else could he say? I came here because I wanted to see you?
He was conflicted about what that thought wrought in him. He didn’t want her to be working the same job, stuck in the same cycle, wasting away—all her potential squandered. But if she was chasing his bank account, what else would she be doing?
Still, she didn’t seem unhappy.
She was gentle with Amanda Jane, patient. That wasn’t the behavior of an addict. That hurt him, pierced his skin and burrowed into his bones. If she hadn’t fallen into the same trap that he and Crystal had, what was she doing still in Glory?
“Maybe you should get it somewhere else.” Her mouth thinned.
“Maybe I should,” he agreed easily. “I wanted to see you.”
“Now you’ve seen me.” Her knuckles whitened as she clenched her fists. “Wasn’t this morning enough?”
“That I have.” He nodded. Reed didn’t know what to say to her. He hadn’t planned on speaking to her, but he should’ve known his presence wouldn’t have gone unnoticed. “And I’m wondering why you’re still working here?”
Her eyes narrowed and for a moment, he thought for sure she was going to do violence.
“Why am I still working here? That’s really what you’re going to ask me after seven years? The last time I saw you was the night before my sister almost died and all you can think to say to me is why I’m still working at the Bullhorn?” Her voice was almost a growl. “I’m working here to support your daughter. What about you? What are you doing to take care of her?”
He hadn’t expected this from her—hell, he didn’t know what he expected. Reed supposed that if he didn’t believe she’d gotten out of the cycle, why should she believe that he had? The balls on this woman: to sue him for child support and then imply she could somehow mandate the terms of his visitation.
There was a part of him that raged at her for daring to speak of it, for digging underneath his skin and tearing at old scars and still prescient fears. That he’d never be anything more than a junkie kid from Whispering Woods.
But he was. He was so much more than that now. He was a man in control of himself and his destiny. He could buy the Bullhorn and fire her, if he chose.
“Don’t push me too hard, Gina. You’ve already shown you can’t take care of her on your own. That’s why you’re suing me for child support. I’ll go for full custody.” He kept his tone low and quiet so only Gina could hear him.
“You’d take her away from me, from the only stability she’s ever known, because you’re afraid of the truth? You’re still just like Crys. Maybe you have some nice suits and you got your teeth fixed, but underneath all of that, you’re still who you’ve always been. The high more important than anything else,” she hissed back, her voice at the same low pitch to keep Amanda Jane from hearing them.
“You don’t know anything about me.” For one horrible moment, he was afraid she was right.
Gina paused and pursed her lips. “You’re right. I don’t. Which is exactly why I don’t want you anywhere near my niece.”
He saw her hands curl into fists and then splay by her side.
“You want my money.” He dared her to deny it.
“I don’t know why I thought you’d be different. I guess those rose-colored glasses were just the remnants of my childhood.”
“Really?” he snorted. “You thought that you could just throw me away when I wasn’t any use to you and now that I’ve made something of myself, it’s convenient to tell me that I might be a father?”
“What I thought was that you might have given a damn. But you didn’t. So no, I don’t want anything from you but a check.” She braced her hands on the table. “That should make you happy. Then you don’t have to do anything but put your name on the dotted line or have your shark lawyer do it for you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Maybe you were too blazed out of your mind when Crys told you to remember. But she told you the night she OD’d and she even called your case manager when Amanda Jane was born.”
Her words affected him like a physical blow. “Gina, the day I got served with this suit was the first time I’d heard anything about a child.”
The fire in her eyes simmered to an ember and she studied him hard.
“There’s a part of me that wants to believe you.” She looked away. “Part of me that actually does believe you.” Her voice dropped an octave; it was almost a whisper.
He felt like the world’s biggest asshole. For all her fire, she was still sweet little Gina. And he’d come in here looking for a fight. A place to put all of his pain, his doubt, and a focus for his anger. Anywhere besides himself.
“There’s a part of me that wants to believe you, too.” He inhaled deeply before making his confession. “And there’s this other part of me that thinks you’re like everyone else who wants to take everything I’ve done away from me.”
Because he didn’t deserve it. He was poor white trash from the wrong side of the tracks and no amount of imported cologne could wipe off the stench, or erase the scars on his arms. He didn’t want to believe that, and for a long time, he’d convinced himself that he didn’t. Then he found out he was a father. He found out Gina didn’t want him. Crystal hadn’t wanted him. The people he’d thought were safe weren’t.
He shouldn’t have confessed that to her, shouldn’t have given her anything she could use against him.
Gina sank down in the chair next to him, her shoulders slumped. “I don’t want anything that’s yours. Just what’s hers. If you look at the numbers, I’m not asking for anything extravagant.”
That was a glimpse of the person he’d still hoped she was. In truth, she really hadn’t asked for that much. She was most likely entitled to ten times that given his income. But he’d wondered if it was just because she didn’t know how much to ask for. Except with Amanda Jane’s little face looking over at him, he found that thought to be foreign and cruel. If she really was his daughter, she was entitled to his support.
“No, you’re not.” He didn’t know what else to say.
“Reed, I’m doing the best I can.”
He wondered what her best was and sure as hell hoped it was better than what they had growing up. Reed was almost afraid to ask, but he had to know. “You’re not still living in Whispering Woods, are you?” He mentioned the trailer park community where they’d grown up.
“No. I’ve got a little house out in the country. Highway 5. You remember the one with the hills that we used to take really fast?”
“Hanging out someone’s sunroof? You remember that time you swallowed a moth?”
She turned to look at him. “I thought I was going to die. It was the nastiest thing.”
“It’s not like you could taste it.”
“No, but I had nightmares about what it was doing in there.”
He laughed. This...this was what he’d wanted from her—hoped for. Why couldn’t he have just spoken to her like this from the beginning? If he was really a better man than he’d once been, he wouldn’t need to be so defensive.
Wouldn’t need to try to put her down or show her how easily he could defeat her.
Again, he couldn’t help but think that he was an asshole. But just like he didn’t have to be an addict, he didn’t have to be this person, either. He could own his actions and he could choose them.
“I’m sorry, Gina.”
It took a long time for her to look up at him and meet his gaze. For a moment, he wasn’t sure she would. When she did, he saw something there he couldn’t name. All he knew was that it cut him.
“For what?” She cocked her head to the side.
“For being an asshole.”
Gina shook her head. “I knew this wouldn’t be easy.” She laughed, but there was no mirth in the sound. “When I knew you’d been served, I kind of wanted to throw up. I knew you’d be angry with me. I just... Crys said she told you and you didn’t want anything to do with us. I never thought she’d lie about that. If I thought for one second that you didn’t know about Amanda Jane, I might have gone about it differently.”
“You still can.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want to be a part-time father. I want you to consider what the judge offered.” At the sudden look of fear on her face, he held up his hands as if to ward it off. “Not like that. If we’re in the same household, I can see her whenever I want and so can you.”
She looked as though he’d just punched her. “You’ve lost your mind.”
“Hear me out.”
“It would put us at your mercy, right under your thumb.” She shook her head. “You just told me that I didn’t know you and you’re right. I haven’t seen you in seven years.”
“Which is exactly why you should marry me. Don’t you think it would be traumatic for her to suddenly be left with a stranger?”
The fear on her face was back and so was the guilty chill slithering down his spine.
“I can’t talk about this with you.”
He exhaled, sensing that the earlier door to their childhood memories had been slammed in his face.
She stood. “I have to get back to work.”
“Gina?”
She turned back to face him. “What?”
He found everything he thought he wanted to say died on the tip of his tongue and it was nothing but charcoal and memory.
“Me, too, Reed.” She answered the unspoken questions, regrets and hopes with all of her own. All the things he couldn’t seem to tell her, it was as if she knew them all and had them herself.
Perhaps he’d been wrong. Maybe Gina did know him, after all. She seemed to sense everything he wanted to say but couldn’t.
He wondered why it was so easy to say all the wrong things, but the right ones were practically impossible.
As he watched her walk away, he wondered what the hell he’d been thinking, asking her to marry him. That was pure insanity.
He wasn’t ready to be a father. He could barely manage himself. What was he thinking?
Just looking at facts, if he didn’t know that it was his own case he was judging, he wouldn’t give a child to a man like him. Even with all of his money, all the years between himself and his addiction, all the things he’d accomplished, Reed could only assume he’d blow it and Amanda Jane would be better off anywhere, but with him.
Why he thought he could do a better job than his own absent father—he’d always vowed if he ever had children they’d never know a childhood like his own. It wasn’t all horrible; he’d had Gina and Crystal, other friends, but he never had stability or comfort and he was always left with this horrible ache in his chest, this want of things that weren’t for him.
A hunger.
And he’d tried to fill it with pleasure—with sex, with drugs, with anything that would make that feeling stop.
He didn’t want any child to know that feeling, let alone his own.
He wondered what life had been like for her. If she knew enough now to want what she couldn’t have, if it gnawed at her the same way it affected him.
Gina went over to where Amanda Jane was sitting, took the girl’s hand and led her back toward the kitchen—away from him. He couldn’t blame her.
Maybe she was right to just want a check and his absence.
He closed his eyes as if that could somehow guard him against the sharp blades of that thought. It sliced into him, into every single defense he had.
Part of him wanted to escape, and still another part of him wanted to stay at the Bullhorn just a little bit longer, hoping to catch another glimpse of the woman and child that were the embodiment of a future he’d been afraid to want.
He stayed there in the corner long after he knew she wasn’t coming back to his table.
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_5fb0671b-53df-557e-9b54-94a9bb7618b3)
SEEING REED AGAIN up close and personal had gone better and worse than Gina had hoped. Better because after his initial anger, he seemed willing. Worse, because...
Because he still made her heart flutter like a stupid butterfly and she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She wanted to stop. Gina wanted to push him and all of her stupid hopes and resurrected teen desires out of her head. Two days had passed, and she still couldn’t stop. Maybe she was the addict.
She almost hadn’t recognized him at first. His thin features had filled in and it was obvious he was taking much better care of his body. He was bigger, stronger, a hunger inside him striving to get out and obvious in his every action. He looked like the GQ model version of Reed Hollingsworth with perfect hair, a perfect suit, but his eyes were the same. In those depths was the familiar hopeful kid she’d known.
Once upon a time, she’d wished it had been her that he wanted and while good sense told her that it was just the leftovers of a high school infatuation, her body didn’t know the difference. The hard planes of his powerful body in that suit that had been tailor-made for him, the determined set to his jaw and the ferocity of his expression conveyed that now, there was nothing he wanted that he couldn’t have. Gina found that kind of confidence and power titillating, as much as she hated to admit it.
But he wasn’t a fairy-tale prince on a valiant steed. He was an addict. That didn’t change. He could manage his addiction, but there was no magic cure to free him from the curse. And if there was, it certainly wasn’t her. He’d picked Crystal, not Gina. No, he was no hero.
Though she realized he wasn’t the villain she’d thought he’d become, either.
She knew that she’d agree to whatever Reed wanted if it meant that she could keep Amanda Jane. And she would never just let her go with a stranger. When it was distilled down to its most basic, Reed was a stranger to them both. Amanda Jane played on the floor with a myriad of secondhand toys. She had a doll in an evening gown riding a fire truck. That was her current obsession. She said she wanted to be a firefighter when she grew up and apparently, she planned on doing it in sparkles.
Which was just fine with Gina. Gina made it a point to tell her that with enough hard work, she could do anything—be anything.
Amanda Jane sang a little song to herself quietly and rather than distract Gina from her studies, it soothed her.
No, what distracted her was seeing Reed Hollingsworth.
Gina had always wondered what happened to Reed. If he’d taken the same path that Crystal had, he’d have been in prison or dead. Then her economics class had been assigned an article about rags-to-riches businessman Reed Hollingsworth.
And the article had pissed her off.
How dare he sit there on his velvet throne looking down on the rest of them while she struggled to feed and clothe his daughter? Crystal may have been fine with no help from Reed, but Gina wasn’t. He had a responsibility to his daughter. If he didn’t want to physically parent, fine. But he could contribute financially. It was the least he could do. The man made millions of dollars a year. Twelve grand a year plus a college education for his daughter wasn’t going to beggar him.
Gina was torn between anger, regret and betrayal. These washed over her all at once and she imagined if the emotions had colors, they’d look like a mess of spilled ink after they’d roiled around inside of her. At the end of the day, there was no discernible difference between them.
She was so tired. She’d just come off a twenty-four-hour shift and she had to study for a test the next day, but she needed to spend some time with Amanda Jane, too. The girl was just getting over the latest bout of bronchitis. Amanda Jane had a weak immune system, but they were lucky that was her only problem considering Crystal’s mistreatment of herself while she was pregnant.
Gina sighed and put her head down on the table. She wished she could learn by osmosis, then maybe banging her head against things would actually serve a purpose.
“Are you tired, Gina-bee?” Amanda Jane asked her in a small, scratchy voice.
She smiled. Crystal had called her Gina-bee when she was tiny. It reminded her of the person her sister had been and the hope she had for the person and mother she hoped she could be again. “Yes, darling.”
“Maybe it’s nap time.”
“But you don’t like naps.”
“No.” Amanda shook her head earnestly. “But you like them. So, maybe we should have one.”
“I’m fine, honey. I have to study for this test.”
“Tests are dumb.”
Tests made Gina feel dumb sometimes. She smiled again. “No, they’re good. This test means I can go to my next class and then I can be Doctor Gina.”
“And Doctor Gina means no more EMT Gina,” Amanda Jane recited with her.
“You got it, kiddo.” She stared back down at the paper, trying to make sense of the words as they danced over the page, but she didn’t see any of them. All she could see was Reed’s thin face.
Maybe because Amanda Jane looked so much like him. Or as he had as a boy, before things had gotten so bad.
He’d been so beautiful to her then, so tragic. With a face like an angel and a heart so full of hope, even after it had been crushed again and again. She’d waited for him to notice her as something other than Crystal’s sister.
It was ironic, really.
She’d ended up a parent the end of her senior year and she’d never had sex to prevent exactly that thing. Gina wanted to get an education, a career, before she started a family. And she wanted to do it the right way. She wanted to fall in love, have babies with a man who wanted to be a father and a husband. She wanted the white picket fence and the American dream.
And now, she supposed she had fallen in love, but with Amanda Jane. That girl was her heart and soul, and Gina would do anything she had to do to provide a good life for her. Anything.
Gina had a feeling that the universe was going to test her mettle with that statement, but she didn’t care. There was nothing more important to her than giving Amanda Jane the life she deserved.
She knew that meant seeing Reed again and she also knew it meant that she couldn’t let her softer feelings for the boy he’d been get in the way. He wasn’t that boy anymore. He was a grown man who’d had no problem playing hardball.
But neither would Gina.
She just couldn’t reconcile that with the boy he’d been.
Gina looked back down at Amanda Jane’s serious blue eyes and found another smile. “Hey, you want to help me study for this test?”
Amanda Jane put down her doll and her small fingers reached for the flash cards. She was probably the only six-year-old who knew the names of all the bones in the human body. She’d been tested as gifted, and Gina wasn’t sure if it was because she included Amanda Jane in her studies as a means to double task spending time with her as well as test prep, or if it was because she was wired much like Gina herself.
Either way, it both warmed and broke her heart at the same time. She never wanted Amanda Jane to feel the way that she did growing up. She never wanted her to be the dirty kid who had to eat free lunch, who was the hope in teachers’ eyes. That someday, they knew she’d be the story they told to their class about how if Gina Townsend could do it, they could do it, too.
Reed’s financial support could change all of that.
She wouldn’t care what he thought of her, as long as Amanda Jane was taken care of.
But there was a secret part of her that wanted him to come back to Glory and realize that he’d always been in love with her and they’d get married, raise Amanda Jane together and live happily ever after.
Silly as it was.
Crystal was her mother, not Gina. And if Reed had ever had any feelings for her, he would’ve told her somehow. Acted on them in some way. She didn’t even know him anymore.
She had Amanda Jane. She was going to be a doctor. Nothing could stop her. Not her past, not her sister and definitely not Reed Hollingsworth.
Her cell rang and she saw that it was Emma.
A knot tightened in on itself in her gut. It had to be the meeting to discuss this whole insane idea of marriage.
“Hit me with it,” she said by way of greeting.
“What, no hello?”
“Come on, Emma.” Gina was sure if she had to wait another second, the anticipation might kill her. Whatever the answer here was, it would change her life.
“Reed and his lawyer want to meet today to talk about the judge’s suggestion. He’s offering so much more than we asked for and if we can hash this out together, you’ll be more likely to get what you want.”
“What do you mean?” That was when the knot tightened so hard she thought she was going to be sick. She knew somehow he was going to get his way or she was going to lose custody or something else awful. But she needed Emma to lay it out on the table for her.
“He’s agreed to the marriage. Coparenting, cohabitation... Because he’s being so generous, the judge will look more favorably on his requests. He’s got his lawyer setting up a trust for Amanda Jane and one for you—”
“I didn’t want a trust. I don’t want his money for myself. I can make my own.” She was horrified at the thought. Because she didn’t want his money for herself. She just wanted Amanda Jane to get what was hers. She just wanted her to be safe and secure. She didn’t need his money.
“You can. But he thinks that time would be better spent with Amanda Jane.”
“Excuse me, what?” She blinked.
“He wants you to quit both jobs and focus only on school and being a caregiver.”
Her first instinct was to rail against this. How dare he demand that of her? How dare he make the decision for her? He wasn’t a king on a golden throne. He didn’t get to dictate. But her reasons for fighting it would be simple pride. Deep down, she knew it would be better for her niece. But she couldn’t get past how much control that would give him. “And that leaves him holding the purse strings and us his puppets. He wants us totally dependent on him.”
That idea terrified her. She didn’t want anyone to have control over her. She had worked too long and too hard to pull herself up to suddenly throw herself on his mercy. To be legally and financially bound...
“I think that’s part of it, but you can’t deny it would be good for Amanda Jane.”
“I know that. But it won’t be good for me.”
“Won’t it?” Emma asked gently. “But he doesn’t need to know that. Just think about what it will mean to have an address on Knob Hill and his connections. How much faster you’ll get to medical school and the internships... Imagine what it will do for Amanda Jane. She’ll never be the kid no one wants to sit by, who gets picked last for teams, who has to rely on what she can scrape together for her lunch.”
Tears stung her eyes because that’s exactly what she feared it would be like for Amanda Jane, but she didn’t want to be dependent on Reed, either. What if he slipped back into old behaviors? What if he— She was afraid, not just of the possibility of him, but of herself.
What if she couldn’t handle raising Amanda Jane with him without falling for him? She was setting herself up for misery.
“Why don’t you think about it for a few hours? But we don’t have much time. Judge Gunderson wanted the prenup on her desk by next week.”
She thought about Reed again. The clash between them, but the pain underneath. “Let’s get it over with. Putting it off won’t make it any easier and frankly, with Crys gone and my lack of income, I’m afraid that he’ll take her away from me if we go to court.” She sighed. “At least this way, maybe I can get him to agree to some safeguards for my piece of mind.”
“I’ll tell Gray to come by my office at five. You be here now. Bring Amanda Jane with you and I’ll have Missy watch her.”
Missy was Emma’s secretary/assistant/friend who’d recently come through a horrible divorce from an even worse man and was trying to get back on her feet. She never felt as though she was doing enough to repay Emma for helping her, so she was always looking for extra duties and frequently offered to watch Amanda Jane. They were friends, and Missy never tried to correct Amanda Jane when she wanted her dolls to be firemen rather than beauty queens.
Gina agreed and hung up.
Then it hit her. This was happening. This was real.
That sounded so stupid when she stopped to think about it, but when she’d signed the paperwork to set all of this in motion, it had seemed like some diaphanous thing that wouldn’t have any more impact on her life than a changing breeze.
But it would.
It had.
She thought about him at that corner table in the Bullhorn. The restaurant she’d worked at since she was fourteen.
Gina remembered him coming in for scraps, hungry and tired. She’d snuck him the leftovers as best she could. Until the Old Man had caught her. Then she’d washed his car to pay for them. But that hadn’t mattered back then.
She smiled, thinking about how horrified Reed had been when he found out she’d had to pay for what he’d eaten and how he’d asked the Old Man for a job himself. And he’d done really well for about two years.
Until the drugs.
Her smile melted into a frown.
Gina wasn’t ready for this.
Amanda Jane looked up at her. “Gina-bee?”
She inhaled carefully, filling her lungs slowly, feeling them expand, and when she exhaled she tried to push all of her fear out with her breath. “You want to go visit Miss Emma?”
“Okay.” The girl cocked her head to the side. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m nervous.”
“About what?”
She didn’t want to tell her, but Gina didn’t really have a choice. Reed would want to see her. “About you meeting your daddy.”
Her eyes widened. “He wants to meet me?”
“I’m sure he will.”
“What if he doesn’t like me?” Her voice was suddenly as small as she was.
“Of course he’ll like you. What if you don’t like him?” Gina tapped her nose with the tip of her finger and Amanda Jane giggled. “Actually, I’m sure you’ll like each other fine.”
“What if we don’t?”
“What if you do?” She grinned. “Get ready. Bring your travel bag.”
Amanda Jane scurried off to do as Gina had told her. Sometimes Gina wished she could bottle that excess energy and borrow a little now and then. She yawned.
Soon, she wouldn’t have to work two jobs and go to school. She could just be with Amanda Jane and study.
The idea was so foreign...
And it wouldn’t just be with Amanda Jane, either.
It would be with Reed, as well.
She’d be his wife.
They’d been friends once, but she imagined this would be a cold marriage. One of separate rooms, separate lives.
This wasn’t at all what she’d imagined for herself. She thought someday, she’d find someone to love. Someone who’d love her.
She supposed she had that, only in a different way. She had Amanda Jane. This was about her, not Gina. She could do this for her.
CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_ae94aef8-18e8-5be4-94b0-fa915a7fbc69)
REED PANICKED.
Amanda Jane was his daughter.
What did he know about being a father? Nothing.
Reed had been so sure that when the paternity results came back before the hearing, it would solidify the foundations of his world, but instead, it had shattered them.
Not because he didn’t want Amanda Jane, but because he did. This was his secret hope and desire—part of it, anyway. Before things had gotten bad, he’d dreamed of a world where he had a family, a real family. Not just someone who got a check every month because she’d managed to bring him squalling into the world. Someone who loved him, wanted him for who he was.
But Gina wasn’t it. Maybe Amanda Jane was. Gina only wanted his money, and while he couldn’t blame her, it cut him. Because in his pretty fantasy world, Gina had been by his side.
His fingers curled into fists and he took a deep breath.
Why had he said he wanted to meet with Gina and her lawyer tonight?
Probably because he knew that he’d do this to himself. The sooner everything was set in stone, the harder it would be for him to screw it up.
He could do this.
He had to do this.
Reed changed into another suit and tie, the raiment almost like an armor. The expensive clothes shielded him from so many things, kept the boy who still feared he wasn’t good enough safe inside that money-green shell.
He met Gray in front of Emma’s office. A few kids sat on a park bench outside of the theater waiting for a ride, and the Corner Pharmacy’s light had just flickered off. Several couples filed out carrying to-go cups with their signature Green River—a soft drink much like a lime soda.
It was such a pretty veneer, this small town with its quaint bed-and-breakfasts, brick sidewalks and cheery Americana. He remembered how much he used to hate it. It had taken on some goliath proportions in his mind. He’d blamed the town itself for his predicament, as if it had been the town that had pushed him and his mother to the outside.
Not her own actions.
Or his.
Standing there, he realized that Gina had it just as bad as he had, but instead of letting that push her to the margins, she’d dug in her heels and made a place for herself.
A home.
He wanted that for himself and for Amanda Jane.
Reed exhaled heavily. He knew he’d do anything to have that, and to make sure Amanda Jane kept it.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, man.” Gray shook his head. “It’s like you were standing there lost in it.”
“I think maybe I was.”
“I can’t believe you grew up here.”
“Not in this part of town.” Reed managed a half smile.
“It must be cathartic to come back here and be able to buy the whole town if you chose.”
Reed considered. “I thought it would be, but it’s not. There’s something about Glory that can’t be bought. The people here, the town itself, has to give it to you.”
Gray arched a brow. “Yeah, I think I’ll stick with the big city, thanks.”
“Wait until you have some of the apple pie. You might change your mind,” Reed teased.
“Apple pie. That’s exactly what this place is like. Everywhere I look, it’s all wholesome sweetness. It doesn’t seem real.”
“It is and it isn’t.” Reed shrugged. “People here still have their problems. Everyone does. But they choose to insulate themselves with community.”
And that was what he’d hated most as a kid, that he was part of what they’d insulated themselves against. He took a deep breath, determined to get his head straight. He wasn’t that kid anymore and he wanted everyone to see it. Especially himself.
“You ready to go in or change your mind, Daddy-o?”
Reed shot him a dirty look, and Gray flashed him a smirk. He found comfort in that. While everything changed around him, Gray was still Gray. He still had Reed’s back. “I’m ready.”
He walked into the office and whatever he was expecting from Emma Grimes, this wasn’t it. The walls were all a dark, heavy blue, the furniture antique and cherry. The baseboards had been refinished to match. The tin tiles that had once been on the ceiling in this building had been replaced by a painted fresco, in the same dark colors. A night scene by the river and a woman in a ball gown. The ball gown seemed to meld into the river.
“Lovely, isn’t it?” Emma asked. “My assistant, Missy, painted it for me. If you’ll come this way.”
He noticed that while Emma was as pretty as she’d ever been, there was something delicate about her now. Something breakable. Maybe it was the way her short, pixie blond hair framed her face, or maybe it was the clothes she wore. Reed would bet it was all an act to lull her prey into submission.
He knew Emma would be a fierce opponent and from the way Gray watched her, it was obvious he knew it, too.
His gaze was drawn to Gina as soon as the door opened. She sat at a long table, her fingers clasped together, her knuckles white. She was as nervous as he was.
There was part of him that wanted to go to her, to embrace her and tell her that they’d figure this all out. That he didn’t want to hurt her and most of all, that she could trust him.
But he didn’t know if she could because he didn’t know if he could trust himself.
“Hi,” she said softly.
“Hi.”
Christ, it was as if they were in middle school and he was trying to hold her hand or something. But he guessed neither of them knew what to say.
Gray stepped in. “Thank you for agreeing to meet with us on such short notice. My client and I felt it would be best for everyone involved if we moved quickly.”
Reed sat down across from Gina and he was filled with so many questions, waves of different emotions.
“We did, as well.” Emma nodded. “We’ve considered your requests and we have some caveats of our own.”
“Being?” Gray raised a brow.
“My client is willing to marry, granted that she and the child each have their own room and—”
He didn’t hear the rest of what she said. Only that Gina was willing to marry him. It was a bittersweet feeling, until he heard “separate quarters and separate lives.” And then it was all pain. A sharp reminder that he’d never be anything more to her.
“There’s no way my client will or should have to agree to that. He’s an upstanding member of the business community and has a certain reputation to maintain.”
“Reputation? Everyone knows his backstory. It was in Finance Today. You can’t hide that now.”
“Hide it? We’re not trying to hide it. But it’s where he came from, not who he is now. That’s a hard no. We won’t negotiate on that.”
Emma smiled. “That’s fine. We’ve shown that we were willing to cooperate and now it’s you who won’t compromise. I expect a judge would hand down a ruling in our favor on this particular point.”
Gina had gone pale and her eyes were heavy and hooded. As if she knew this was going to be the sticking point.
“It’s fine,” he blurted.
“What?” Gray snapped.
“It’s fine. I’ll do it.”
“There is no way—”
“I said I’d do it, Gray. Move along.” He didn’t want to quantify his decision in front of everyone; it would be the same as admitting everything to them that he’d just admitted to himself.
“It seems my client is in a giving mood. What else do you want?”
“If you want Gina to quit her jobs, she needs a stipend that will cover her school and living expenses.”
“We already—”
“An account in only her name. Reed doesn’t get to control the purse strings.” Emma lifted her chin, daring him to argue that one.
Argue he did. “Why not? It’s his money.” Gray squared his jaw.
“And this is my client’s life,” Emma reminded them all.
“Fine. Whatever she wants,” Reed said, even though he hadn’t looked away from Gina and she had yet to look at him again.
“Reed!” Gray sounded like a scandalized maiden aunt. “I really have to advise against—” Gray sighed. “You do know you just wasted my retainer, right?”
“I don’t care. Give her whatever she wants.” His eyes raked over her as intense as any touch, though his fingers itched for a physical connection.
“Good. I have a revised version of the paperwork right here.” Emma rustled some papers.
“But I want you to look at me, Gina.” Reed had to see her eyes. She could never hide her feelings. They were always so obvious in her expression.
Gina swallowed hard and raised her head as if all the weight of the world bore down on her.
He could see her fear, her hesitation, the almost cruel hope that lurked there, so he knew she was feeling much the same as he was.
“Yes.” He nodded. “Whatever she needs to feel safe, for both her and Amanda Jane.” Reed knew it was a weakness, but he’d do anything to get that look off her face. To know that he didn’t cause the fear in her heart.
“Me?” A small face peered around the corner of the door. “Is it my turn to come in, Gina-bee?”
Reed almost choked on the strange knot in his throat. “You brought her?”
“What else was I going to do with her?” Gina said quietly. “I thought you’d be anxious to meet her.”
It was his turn to look away, to be unable to meet Gina’s eyes, or Amanda Jane’s. He’d seen his daughter from a distance at the Bullhorn, but the prospect hadn’t been expressly real.
Nothing had ever made him feel as unworthy as he did in that very moment—and that was really saying something. Reed was reminded every day with a certain clarity that he didn’t deserve all the things he had, and that he didn’t belong.
But there was such a purity in a child’s eyes...specifically her eyes, that he couldn’t stand to be the one to break it.
Gina took pity on him. “No, Amanda Jane. It’s not your turn.”
“But I’ll be good.” Her little voice was full of hope.
“Yes, you’re always very good. So you can stay up very late tonight and then it will be your turn.”
The door clicked shut softly.
“Even if you’re not ready to meet her, she’s ready to meet you. You can meet us at the house tonight. Seven Sisters Road off Highway 5. Only house on the block.”
The part of him that was still a child himself wanted to run. He could just write her a check and he’d never have to face the scorching hope in that child’s face again. That was all she wanted from him, anyway.
For one horrible moment, he wondered what it would be like to have one moment of relief from this pain. Numbing this terror. He knew just what would do that for him, but he pushed it out of his head. He was afraid, but he didn’t want the numbness, not really. He just didn’t want to feel unworthy and he wouldn’t give those feelings validation by making them true, by making himself unworthy.
He wasn’t a boy. He wasn’t a child. He was a man. He’d reached for what he wanted with both hands and he’d gotten it. Now it was his job to protect it.
He nodded. “Thank you, Gina.”
She picked up the pen and with a heavy exhale, she scrawled her name and walked out of the room.
When he picked up the pen, it was still warm from her touch. He signed his name next to hers and with every stroke of ink on the page, he felt more confident about his decision.
Gray, however, wasn’t as sure.
As they walked out he said, “If you were going to let them ream you, why did you bother to call me?”
“I honestly don’t know. But I did the right thing.” He was resolute in that knowledge.
“Did you even read it? Did you know you’re paying for medical school?”
“I don’t care. I have it.” Reed shrugged. At the expression on Gray’s face, he added, “Things were different for us as kids.”
“This is the junkie’s sister? How do you know she’s not using?”
“Gina? Never. Not in a million years.” After setting eyes on her again, he knew that as sure as he knew he was breathing.
“This is going to end badly. I can see the explosions from here. This woman is going to take you for everything you’ve got.” He shook his head. “Do you want me to come with you tonight?” Gray asked, in a low tone, almost like he was telling a secret.
“To meet my daughter?” He shook his head. “No.”
“Why didn’t you meet her inside?”
“It just wasn’t right.” He was too afraid, the idea now a reality that scared the shit out of him. And Amanda Jane deserved better than his fear. She didn’t ask to come into the world. Didn’t ask for him to be her father. Didn’t ask for the hand she’d been dealt.
“I get that, man. I really do.” Gray clapped him on the back. “If you don’t need anything else, brother, I’m going to head back to the city.”
“No, I’m good. Thanks.” He supposed he was good—this was as good as it ever got for Reed Hollingsworth.
CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_98be6dc4-8281-5695-83ef-068bff712dc7)
“ARE YOU READY to get married yet?” Grams said into the phone when she answered it.
“No.” She didn’t bother to tell her grandmother about the meeting at Emma’s office. She probably already knew.
“That’s not what Marie Hart said. She told me that she saw you and Reed and his lawyer at Emma’s. Were you playing pinochle or planning your wedding?” Her grandmother seemed to think pinochle figured into everything.
She sighed with only the smallest bit of exasperation. “If you already knew, why did you ask?”
“Because you didn’t call me. Why don’t you bring Amanda Jane over and we’ll watch some movies, have popcorn, and maybe I’ll even bake cookies.”
“Reed’s coming over tonight.”
“Oh! Call me later.” Her grandmother hung up before she could say anything else.
She shook her head. Maudine had her cell phone attached to her head just like any teenager. Sometimes Gina felt as if she was the old woman and Maudine the grandchild, but only in the vaguest sense.
Gina suddenly had a craving for that ribbon candy. It reminded her of being a child, when things were good. When they were easy.
It had been strange to be sitting across from Reed in a conference room in Emma Grimes’s office.
Strange wasn’t the right word. Utterly insane might be a better description.
He’d switched faces again so easily it was hard to tell which one was real. The Reed who sat in front of her was the investment genius who got everything he wanted no matter who he had to crush to get it. This suit he wore looked like it cost more than a semester of her tuition. And he wanted her to know it.
She didn’t want to look at him like this, but she knew she should be grateful for the reminder. He could never be just Reed again.
Gina thought he’d been there to crush her, to take everything from her, but instead, he’d only given. He’d agreed to everything she wanted. His shark lawyer could’ve made this so hard, but it seemed like all he wanted was exactly what he said—to be a good parent. Giving her and Amanda Jane safety and security.
That wasn’t something she’d ever felt as though she had, so she didn’t quite know what to do with it. She wondered if he felt the same way or if he’d taken to his new life without ever looking back? She imagined the latter. She had to say if she was in his shoes, she’d do the same. She knew she was lucky to have had Maudine.
God, why had she invited him out to the house?
He’d be here any minute.
What was she thinking?
Well, besides that this was going to crash and burn? She sighed. This was the right thing to do. Not just for the financial support, but so that Amanda Jane never doubted she was loved, or that there were people in the world who wanted her. Who would keep her safe.
Gina took a deep breath. This was going to be her life. She might as well start getting used to it.
“Gina, my braids are too tight.” Amanda Jane squirmed underneath her hand.
“Sorry.” She loosened the length of woven hair. “He’s going to be here soon. And I know you won’t sit still then. Your hair won’t tangle if we do it before you sleep.”
“I like his face,” she said solemnly.
That was good because she looked just like him. Gina smiled at her. “Go on now.”
“I think you like his face, too. You get this funny expression when you look at him.”
She’d have to be more careful. “I do like his face.” Gina liked a lot more than his face. “We were friends a long time ago before you were born.”
“Do you think it’s true that he just didn’t want to be a daddy?” Amanda Jane cast her eyes down at her bare feet and wiggled her toes.
Gina didn’t want to lie to her, but she didn’t know the truth. “I don’t know, honey. But I can tell you that sometimes people make mistakes and we have to forgive them when they’re really sorry.”
“Do you think he likes my face?” Amanda Jane tilted her head up.
“How could anyone not like your face?”
She smiled. “You’re supposed to say that.”
“Yes, I am. But do you remember when I promised I’d always tell you the truth?”
“Even if I was ugly like Liza McCaully?”
Gina had to put her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. “That’s not nice.”
“It’s not nice, but it’s true.” Amanda Jane nodded, her face serious.
“You can speak the truth without being mean, but yes, I would tell you the truth.”
Amanda Jane stuffed her feet into her slippers. “Okay, but now it’s time for you to get ready.”
“I am ready.”
Amanda Jane shook her head. “Your jeans have a hole.” She stuck her finger in the hole and tickled Gina’s knee.
Gina squealed and grabbed her niece, tickling her in return. Amanda Jane giggled while she struggled to free herself.
“Did you brush your teeth?”
She nodded. “Did you brush yours?”
Gina found the tension draining out of her. “It’s not my bedtime yet.”
“No, but we should be pretty. You always told me when we meet new people we should smell good.”
“I’m brushing everything. Hair. Teeth.” She puckered her lips. “Mustache.”
Amanda Jane giggled. “Eww. Girls don’t have mustaches.”
“Some do, but that’s what laser hair removal is for.”
Amanda Jane nodded sagely as if she were the one handing out the advice.
Gina was brushing her hair when the screen door rattled against the framing under a heavy knock.
Amanda Jane squealed and her blue eyes lit up. “He’s here.”
Her heart ached for her. This was all so bittersweet.
Reed stood haloed in the yellow light as it cast bright warmth over the hard planes of his features. Her eyes were drawn to the square angles of his wide shoulders and the way the sleeves of his polo shirt stretched over his biceps.
Gina tried not to notice everything about him that turned her on because he wasn’t here for her. None of this was about her.
Even though her mouth had gone dry and the words she had died in her throat.
“Hey.”
It was such a simple word. He’d said it to her a million times, but this time it was devastating. Both because it was a reminder of times past and while it was spoken in his voice, her attention was once again drawn back to his body.
That and time had made him a stranger.
“Hey, yourself.” Also something she’d said a million times. It was strange and awkward.
“Come in? Apparently I need to change clothes. I have a hole in my jeans,” she babbled.
Ugh. She hated babbling. Men didn’t make her babble. She didn’t have time or room in her life to be a silly girl over any guy, especially not Amanda Jane’s father. Gina decided polo shirts were the devil. It was the shirt’s fault.
He nodded and stepped inside.
Amanda Jane tilted her head back to look up at him. He must seem like a giant to her.
That twisted something deep in her guts. That’s what a father should be. Every child should think that their father was some kind of invincible hero. She used to daydream about her own when she was little. Gina imagined him to be tall and strong and that her mother had somehow hidden them from him; that’s why he hadn’t come to rescue them.
But as she’d grown older, she’d realized it was just a fairy tale like any other and had no place in the realities of her life.
Inside, his presence was even more disconcerting. She hadn’t noticed it at the restaurant or in Emma’s office because it was filled with other people, but alone together, he dominated the space. He made her feel small and vulnerable without even trying.
Unfortunately, she was both intrigued and uncomfortable. It would all be so much easier to bear if she could get away from the intrigued part.
They eyed each other, both seeming to be wary, but unsure how to proceed.
“Hi.” Amanda Jane made her presence known.
Reed smiled at her, a genuine expression that completely changed his face. He wasn’t just the cute boy she’d crushed on. She was very aware that he was a man—a handsome, powerful man.
Not that it mattered. She tried to push her brain into EMT mode—where she looked at bodies clinically. Yet, there was still nothing clinical about her reaction to him.
“Gina-bee said you’re my daddy.”
Gina waited to see what he would say.
He nodded. “I am. Is that okay?”
“I think so. I like your face,” Amanda Jane confessed without the slightest bit of hesitation.
He sank down to his haunches, eye level with her. “I like your face, too.”
Gina was suddenly hyperaware of the house, the shabby state of things. She looked around the small farmhouse. She’d been happy here, but now that he was coming, Gina found it lacking. She saw every flaw in the molding, the tears in the screen on the front porch, the dilapidated fence posts, the scratches on the wood floors...
But this was also where Amanda Jane learned to crawl, the front yard was where she made mud pies, and those tears in the screens were from the feral cats she always left food and water for.
Even though it was a rental, so much of their lives were entwined in the place and if Reed didn’t like it, she didn’t care.
He came from worse than this and she wouldn’t dare let him judge her.
More important, she wouldn’t judge herself.
“Gina-bee said you would.”
“She knows me pretty well sometimes.”
Amanda Jane nodded solemnly. “She knows most everything.”
Gina blushed. “Not everything.”
Reed looked up at her. “Probably everything.”
Amanda Jane yawned. “You should have come earlier. Then you could read me a story.”
“I could read you one now,” he offered.
“Oh, no. I’ll get too excited and I won’t sleep. Story before bath. You could come tomorrow.” Amanda Jane looked down at her toes. “If you wanted to.”
Gina sighed. “I thought tomorrow was our day.”
“Please?”
“Honey, he might be busy. We’ll see, okay?” Gina didn’t want her to get her hopes up, didn’t want her to get too excited about something that might not happen.
Amanda Jane looked up at him and mouthed Frogfest.
Frogfest dated back to the first settlers in the area when masses of frogs would converge on the riverbank and low marshy areas around the river to mate and they’d sing a lively tune long into the night. If times had been lean, the frogs provided much needed sustenance during hardship. Although, the modern celebrations didn’t include as many frog dishes, but for the occasional vendors selling deep-fried frog legs.
Gina found herself inviting him along. She couldn’t resist the absolute joy on the girl’s face and they needed to get used to each other—Amanda Jane and Reed. It wouldn’t work if they were just suddenly flung into the same household.
“You could come.”
“I’d like that.”
They’d be playing happy little family. She wondered if there’d ever been a bigger lie.
“Good night,” the little girl chirped.
“Where are you going? I thought you wanted to stay up to meet him?” Gina asked, wondering if there was something wrong.
“The sooner I go to bed, the sooner it’s tomorrow. Frogfest. Funnel cake.”
“Funnel cake with frogs?” Reed teased her.
“That doesn’t sound good.”
“I don’t think so, either.” He shook his head.
“You should have tea on the porch. It’s my favorite thing to do at night.”
“You could come outside with us.”
“No. Frogfest,” she reiterated, as if he and Gina didn’t understand the importance of the word. “Can I have your phone to play a game before sleep?”
“Sure, honey.”
She ran off, taking Gina’s phone with her, presumably to bed.
“She doesn’t hesitate to ask for what she wants, does she?” Reed said as he watched after her.
“Emotionally, she doesn’t.” Having gone without as a child and been afraid to ask for anything, she didn’t want Amanda Jane to ever feel that way. She thought about her earlier observations, but she decided she didn’t need to drive the financial point home any harder. He got it. He understood. And he’d given her everything she asked for.
“That’s good.” Reed’s voice was brittle.
She swallowed hard. “Do you want a sweet tea? We can drink it on the porch.”
“Sure,” he agreed.
Gina poured him a glass of tea and they stepped back out into the night. She lit a citronella candle, happy to have something to do with her hands.
He seemed so out of place sitting there in her secondhand rocking chair in his khakis, his polo shirt and his expensive haircut.
She looked back out into the yard, the symphony song of frogs down by the pond serenading them and the flickering dance of fireflies in the dark space.
“You remember when we’d climb up on the roof of my mom’s trailer and hide?” he said, finally.
“Like they couldn’t hear us stomping around up there.”
“Or didn’t care.” Reed shrugged. “Still, those were the only moments of peace I knew then.”
“Do remember that trip to the Lake of the Ozarks?” Gina blurted.
Reed gave a self-deprecating laugh. “Yeah. That guy who had that houseboat...he was one guy my mother hooked up with who wasn’t a total scumbag. Too bad she was so far gone when she met him. Things might have been different. It’s kind of strange to know that she’s that woman for him, you know?”
“Like how all the guys besides him were that guy for you? The ones you thought were trash?”
She watched his face pale.
“I didn’t mean—”
He held up his hand. “No, it’s okay. I loved my mother, but that’s what we were.” He shrugged. “She managed to hold it together long enough to reel him in, but then when he saw what was underneath, he didn’t want any part of it. But who in their right mind would?”
“Still, it was a good trip, wasn’t it?”
“One of the best times in my life. One of the only good times I can remember.”
“I know it was for Crystal, too.” She hadn’t meant to bring up her sister. Gina wasn’t ready to talk about her, even though she knew at some point, they’d have to.
“What about you? Was it a good time for you, too?”
“I thought it was kind of a trick when we were invited along. It was one of the last good times my mother had, too. Even though I know we were just invited to keep you out of her hair, I’ll always be grateful for that trip.”
“You’re talking about everyone else but you, Gina. Is that what it’s like for you still? Always thinking of everyone else?”
His question was so pointed that it was sharp. She didn’t want to think about that; she didn’t want to be any more vulnerable than she already was. But either choice here left her open to his blades. She remembered the last night out on the water.
“It was one of the best for me, too. That’s why I brought it up.” She exhaled heavily and took a sip of her tea, the sweet tang of it on her tongue making the memory even more vivid.
“The sweet tea,” he said as soon as she thought it. Like he knew what she was thinking. “You made a jar of it. That last night, when we were lying on the deck listening to the loons.”
“Trying to see the stars but it was too cloudy.” She remembered thinking that maybe that night was the one. The one where he’d realize she was alive. That she was a woman.
That he wanted her.
“Talking about how it would be to stay there forever?”
She sighed at the memory. “Yeah. We thought that was some kind of huge dream to have a houseboat there. Or even a little cabin. It was our own nirvana, you and me.”
“Crystal always wanted the big city. She wanted lights and people. She wanted the rush, and all we could talk about was sweet tea and fireflies.”
“That made her so mad.”
“So mad she spent the night with one of the local boys. Your mother was so mad at her that we left an hour late because she wasn’t home yet.”
“I was okay with it. I wanted to stay as long as was humanly possible.” Gina laughed at herself.
“I thought my world was going to change that night. I thought we were finally through the dark,” he confessed, looking out into the darkness rather than at her.
She thought that for herself as well, but it hadn’t happened. “I’m sorry it didn’t.”
“I used to be sorry. But if it had, I don’t know where I’d be. I like who I am now.”
She exhaled. “Can I be honest?”
“That’s preferred,” he said drily.
Walking down memory lane with him was bittersweet, but it wasn’t the past she was worried about. It was their future together. Gina decided to be honest. “I’m glad you like who you are now, but that’s someone I don’t think I know. I’m not sure what to do here.”
“Me, either.” The air between them hung heavy and strange. He took the plunge first. “So today didn’t go as I’d imagined it.”
“And how did you imagine it?” She wondered if he’d ever had the same thoughts about her as she did about him, but then she dismissed the idea before it could take root. Before it could make this any more awkward than it already was.
“I don’t know. But not as it went.” A genuine grin curled at the edge of his mouth.
It’d be hard to deny him anything with him flashing that grin around. That was a glimpse of the boy she’d known and it was even more endearing on the man he’d become.
“I wasn’t trying to keep you from her.” That was as close to a peace offering as she could manage.
“Deep down, I know that.” He didn’t speak for a long moment and the creaking of the rocking chair against the floorboards echoed with all the force of a gunshot. “But you still have to meet me halfway.”
She was torn between being glad he was willing to do that and angry that he could just decide to buy a house because he felt like it and she was working two jobs and going to school trying to raise his daughter.
Worse, if she lived in the same house with him, married to him, how would she hide her attraction to him?
Gina had to remind herself that this wasn’t about her. It was about what was best for Amanda Jane. It had never been hard to do things for her. There had never been any question that she’d take her discharge from the army when her two years was up, knowing that Amanda Jane needed her. She knew that would make it harder to go to medical school. Harder to do everything, but it had been no sacrifice.
Living under the same roof with Reed Hollingsworth? Torture.
“I don’t know. We may not have the best life, but I like this house. I love that she can run and play here. I like that I can point to a place in the backyard and say that’s where she smelled her first flower.”
“But this isn’t yours. Not really. Wouldn’t you rather live somewhere that will one day belong to her? Where she can look at a chair in the corner and say that’s where Gina-bee used to read me stories. This is where my dad taught me to ride a bike. God, Gina. If we do this right, we can give her everything that we never had.”
All of her protestations died on her tongue. She’d been about to defend herself, the home she’d provided for Amanda Jane, but she realized he wasn’t saying it wasn’t good enough. He was saying they could do even better together. He didn’t say “I can give her...” he’d said we.
He had this way of speaking that made her imagine picket fences, family picnics and happily-ever-after. She had to keep herself grounded. There was no relationship between them. He just wanted a chance to raise his daughter.
She hurried to add, “I just don’t see how this will work.”
“I’m not under any illusion that this will be easy. There will be a lot of compromise for both of us.”
“I’ll be honest, I’m terrified of moving in with you. I’m terrified that you’ll try to control us with the money. I’m terrified...” She didn’t say the rest of what she was feeling. It was too much.
“I’m terrified, too,” he confessed.
That was when his warm, strong fingers closed around hers.
“But everything is going to be okay, Gina.”
This wasn’t exactly what she’d pictured when she imagined one day holding hands with Reed Hollingsworth, but it wasn’t bad. Maybe it was better than what she thought she wanted.
The gesture was meant to comfort her, reassure her.
And strangely, it did. She’d felt so alone while going through this, and realizing that he had doubts and fears didn’t make her position less secure, but more. To her, it meant that he’d thought about the realities of their situation, but he still wanted to try.
He believed he knew what he was in for.
She held his hand in silence for a long time into the quiet night.
CHAPTER SIX (#ulink_f4da7802-6466-5524-9851-291fae62a1b4)
“AMANDA JANE TEXTED to tell me that Operation Frogfest is a go.” Maudine Townsend put her phone down next to her stack of poker chips.
“Frankly, Maudy, I’m surprised.” Helga pushed her chips around. “You know, if this little plot of yours doesn’t work, we’re going to have to give up our Friday nights. At least until after the case.”
“You know, I’m actually surprised that Reed’s lawyer didn’t ask for another judge.”
Helga shrugged. “He probably figures that you know everyone.”
“Or he’s plotting something.” Maudine’s eyes narrowed further.
“Not everyone’s brain works like yours, Maudy.”
“Yes, it does. Don’t tell me you’re not curious.”
“Actually, I think since we’re here, we could work on Marie. She’s too young to be a Glory Grandmother.”
“She’s very good at what she does. Her tiramisu is to die for. And that cute little bed-and-breakfast for romantic hideaways? It’s perfect. She has a sense about people who belong together.”
“She does,” Helga agreed. “But her husband has been dead a long time. Her son, Johnny, is grown and Marie is too young to spend the rest of her life alone.”
“Maybe she doesn’t want to be with anyone else. After mine died, well...I’m done with that.”
“Marie is only forty-five. It’s too young to dry up and be the cranky old Italian grandmother. All of her friends are...us.”
“There’s nothing wrong with us.”
“Except that we’re sitting in my basement, drinking Herb’s beer and playing poker. But we lie and tell everyone we’re playing pinochle and sipping tea like the old broads we are.”
Maudine sniffed. “I am not an old broad.”
“You most certainly are. But it’s okay. We play cupid rather well.” Helga shifted her cards.
Maudine’s phone beeped. “Another text. They’re on the porch drinking sweet tea and holding hands. Everything is coming together.” She sounded like some kind of movie villain.
“Tell that child to get in bed.”
“She is.”
“You know what I mean.” Helga nodded. “And are we matchmaking or playing poker because I’m about ready to beat you.”
“I know. Which is why the matchmaking is so much more fun.” Maudine sighed.
“You’re a sore loser, Maudine.”
“I never lose when it counts.” Maudine grinned.
“This is like herding cats. I give up.”
“You fold? I win.” Maudine looked very pleased with herself.
“No, you don’t, you old bat. But what are we doing? I don’t have that paperwork on my desk yet.”
“You will. Tomorrow, we’re going to shove them together every chance we get.” Maudine started putting the cards away. “Frogfest is magical.”
“Not for the frogs,” Helga offered helpfully.
Maudine growled.
“Look, I just don’t understand why you think they need to get married. Gina has her whole life to decide.”
“But I don’t have mine.”
Helga narrowed her eyes. “Yes, you did. You made your choices and now you’ve got to let her make hers.”
“But they’re all wrong.” Maudine huffed.
“So were yours when you made them. So were mine. And we turned out fine.”
Maudine raised a brow. “Maybe so. But I’ve already lost a granddaughter, the daughter I never had, and my son...who knows. Gina and Amanda Jane have known so much pain and so much loss. So has Reed. I didn’t do right by that boy. But I am now and you’re going to help me.”
Helga harrumphed. “You say that like I haven’t been part of every scheme that’s hatched in your head like a goose egg since we were babies.”
Maudine returned the harrumph, with interest. “You don’t seem like you’re on board.”
“I am on board. With Gina’s happiness, not your idea of what it should be. That’s for the girl to decide.”
“Youth is utterly wasted on the young.” Maudine shook her head.
“That’s kind of the beauty of it, don’t you think?”
“No.”
Helga laughed. “She will find her way, Maud.”
“Maybe. But we need to help her at least see the path.”
“Okay. How do you propose we help her see the path? I mean, we’ve practically shoved her nose in it.”
“Well, I haven’t gotten that far. At least not past Frogfest.” She shifted in her seat.
Helga laughed. “Then I suppose we’d better get to plotting, but first, you’re going to tell me how you are.” She held up her hand. “How you really are. Not what you want everyone else to think.”
Maudine shifted in her chair a bit. “Some days are better than others. I’ve had my last chemo treatment, but I still feel like refried turds. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
“Yes.” Helga grinned. “Because I want you to be honest with yourself and me. I don’t care about everyone else. But this? You’re my best friend and you didn’t have to do this alone.”
“I did.” She nodded. “Because if you were there? I wouldn’t have had any courage at all. I’d have leaned on you too much.”
“I could handle it.”
“But I couldn’t, Helga. It was easier to be strong if I knew I had to, if that makes sense.”
Helga nodded. “I suppose it does. But I still think you should tell Gina.”
“And put more on her shoulders?”
“Wouldn’t you want to know if your positions were reversed?”
“Stop playing devil’s advocate. This isn’t the courtroom. It’s my granddaughter’s and great-granddaughter’s lives.”
“Exactly my point, Maudy.” Helga gave her a disapproving look.
“Yes, fine. I’d like to know if our situations were reversed. But that’s the luxury of being a grandmother.” Then Maudine wilted in her chair. “She’s had enough to deal with, and I should’ve done more when she was younger. I feel like I failed her. I failed Crystal. If I’d—”
“If you’d what, Maudine?” Helga interrupted. “What exactly was there you could’ve done to save Crystal when she didn’t want to be saved? I know this is hard to hear, but you can’t help someone who doesn’t want it. You did everything you could.”
“No. I didn’t.” She shook her head, guilt weighing down on her shoulders. “If I’d been a better mother, maybe my son wouldn’t have left his wife. Maybe then, his wife would’ve had insurance and maybe she would’ve had a shot at beating this same cancer.”
“Oh, honey.” Helga’s eyes watered in a rare show of emotion. “I see kids in my courtroom all the time who wouldn’t be in the trouble they’re in if they had parents who cared. And I see kids who have parents who’ve done everything humanly possible and their kids are still in trouble. I can tell you, you’ve done all you could do.” Helga straightened. “You know if I thought you’d fallen down on the job at any time, you’d have gotten an earful from me. Friendship does not rose-colored glasses make. At least not for me.”
Maudine sniffed, her own eyes watering because she knew it to be true. “Thank you.”
“Now are we going to plot or finish up this hand?”
“We’re going to plot, of course.” Maudine sat up straighter. “Frogfest is going to be the perfect time to push them together. To make them both see what a perfect little family they’ll make.”
CHAPTER SEVEN (#ulink_b169d6cc-db9f-58f9-8ccc-73724bc599dd)
REED FOUND HIMSELF facing the mirror in the bathroom, the harsh lights illuminating all the dark things he’d been trying to hide.
He looked into his own eyes and he reassured himself that he liked what he saw there. Even though there was that part of him that was afraid someone would wake up and realize he wasn’t allowed to be this person—that he’d snuck through some invisible barrier to success and they’d kick him back to his rightful side—he knew that wasn’t the case.
Reed had worked so hard to get where he was. No matter what that voice in his head told him, he wasn’t an imposter. He’d put in the work. He’d earned his place. He’d taught himself the stock market, began with penny stocks until he’d graduated to blue chip stocks, then he’d cashed in some of those and started buying up struggling companies and forming them into something new, something viable, and selling them for a profit.
He also knew that life was full of success and full of failures and he had to choose each day which thing he was going to focus on.
He reiterated all of the things he was thankful for to himself. This was his coping mechanism. Then he tucked it away deep down where no one could see it but him. It was almost a kind of armor that shielded him from the inside out.
Frogfest. He scrubbed his hand over his face. He hadn’t thought about that in a long time. Glory was full of small festivals that brought people from the surrounding cities in for little weekend getaways and brought in tourist money. There was something planned every couple of weeks and for the big holidays, the whole town got involved. It was genius marketing, really.
As a kid, Frogfest had been his favorite, as well. Sippin’ Cider Days was the least because it meant it was time to go back to school and he’d never had any money for anything. Frogfest was the last time he’d been with his mother when she was sober. She’d bought him a frog plush and promised him that things would be better.
And he’d believed her. He’d clung to that round-eyed, happy-faced stuffed animal every night before he went to sleep like it was some kind of talisman that could force her to keep her word. For a while, it seemed like it had.
Until Walter.
Walter had been the beginning of the end for his mother and for him.
He shoved those thoughts out of his head. They didn’t matter. They were in the past and Reed wouldn’t live in the past. He lived in the ever better, shinier future where things were still made of unfired clay and could be remolded over and over again until Reed had what he wanted.
Panic clutched at his throat. A sudden fear that everyone would know he was faking it—faking success, faking being a whole person. All the expensive cologne and hand-tailored suits in the world couldn’t hide it.
He exhaled, thinking about all the things he could do to quiet that voice in his head.
But none of them were acceptable, none of them were any action he’d ever take again. All he could do was let these feelings run their course.
Reed promised Gina everything would be okay, and it would.
If for no other reason than Amanda Jane.
He didn’t think it was possible to feel such an immediate, overwhelming connection to another human being. Reed thought that it would take time to get to know her; that he’d have to sort of fall into feeling like a father. Grow to love her.
The ferocity of emotion that raged in his chest like a lion was instant and eternal. He’d live for her, die for her and everything in between.
But it also made him wonder what was really wrong with him that his own mother hadn’t felt that way about him. Why hadn’t he inspired such devotion? Was he defective somehow and would that defect burrow into his relationship with his own daughter?
Again, he shoved those thoughts down deep where no one could see them. His life and the life he wanted to give Amanda Jane was going to be about fulfilling her needs, not thinking about his own that went unanswered.
There was no changing the past, only living in the present.
I like your face.
He supposed that was good, because upon close inspection, she did look very much like him.
His brain turned all of these things over again and again, like a cement mixer—combining these thoughts in on themselves, keeping them fluid as he drove back to the small farmhouse on Seven Sisters Road.
He knew Gina wanted to stay there, but even in a small town like Glory, your address mattered.
Amanda Jane waited on the porch, legs swinging and ponytail bouncing in one of the rocking chairs. The door was open and Gina pushed through, handing Amanda Jane a picnic basket and a tote bag while she closed and secured the door. He was glad she’d never fallen into the habit of a lot of residents of the town, especially the ones who lived out in the country, who never locked their doors.
Gina wore another pair of those pants with the pockets and his line of sight was immediately drawn to the flare of her hips and the round curve of her ass.
He was so taken by that dangerous curve that he drove over a garden gnome that stood so brave and welcoming near the gravel drive.
Reed swore and hoped mightily that it wasn’t something Amanda Jane had any overwhelming attachment to.
And at the sound coming from his put-upon Audi, he realized they were going to be a little late to Frogfest.
This was the universe reminding him to keep his mind on his daughter, not on Gina. Message received, loud and clear.
Gina ran to the car. “Are you okay? What happened?”
“I think your garden gnome tried to kill me.”
The car made an unhappy sound and he switched off the ignition.
“Guess I’m driving.” She grinned.
“That wasn’t...anything special, was it?”
“No. Just something that was in the yard when we moved in. The previous renters left it. Although, Amanda Jane might make you have a funeral for him. His name was Bostwick. She broke his brother, Fenwick, last week.”
A funeral, for a garden gnome? If that’s what she wanted, he’d do it.
It must have shown on his face. “Look, um...I hope it’s okay, but I don’t want you to spend a lot of money on her today.”
“Why not?” He’d planned to do just that. He wanted to spoil her rotten.
“She worked for her spending money. Even for her tickets to the rides. She weeded the garden, kept her room clean. I want her to enjoy spending what she earned and I want her to understand how far her money will go. And I want her to know that if she can’t have something because she doesn’t have the money, that’s okay, too.”
It made sense to him. He didn’t like it, but he understood. “I understand, I do. But you have to understand that there is going to be a bit of spoiling going on in the near future and yours isn’t the final say.”
“And yours is?” Her tone wasn’t confrontational.
Or at least he didn’t think it was. The T-shirt she wore clung much too tightly to her breasts for him to think clearly. “No, we’ll have to compromise.”
“So neither one of us will get our way is what you’re saying.”
“Basically.”
She laughed. “I guess I can live with that. So, do you mind riding to Frogfest in Bill?” She pointed to her tiny, aged Kia.
“Are we taking the KiaPet? I wanted to ride with Daddy,” Amanda Jane said without any hint of a pout in her voice.
“Daddy is riding in the KiaPet, too.”
Daddy.
They meant him. He was Daddy.
That was still quite something for him to wrap his head around. There was so much hope and expectation wrapped up in that one word. Not just Amanda Jane’s, but his own. He’d never expected to wear that title and now that it was his, he didn’t want to screw it up. He didn’t want to be anything like his father. Or Gina’s father. He had this fey vision of himself that he knew wasn’t real. Couldn’t be. No one could be all the things he wanted to be.
“Aren’t you?” Gina prompted.
“Yeah.” He nodded and followed her to the car. He’d worry about fixing his later. It’d give him an excuse to spend more time with them—if he needed one.
Bless you, Bostwick, he thought to himself. He’d given his life for a good cause.
With Amanda Jane buckled in her car seat in the back, and all of Gina’s bags loaded into the trunk, they headed toward Riverfront Park and Frogfest.
The whole town had come out for the festivities as they always did with every fair or festival. At the first strains of the carousel music, Amanda Jane’s energy was practically frenetic. Or maybe that was Reed himself? He suddenly found that being here with Amanda Jane brought back all of his childhood joy at the prospect of Frogfest. The park had been closed off and the entry gate had been made up to look like a giant bullfrog head.
Activities had been divided up into things for older kids, like the octopus ride, and the ball pit and inflatables were for younger kids.
“She’ll bounce in the inflatable for a good hour and a half.” Gina smiled.
Then, he saw the kissing booth.
That brought back a lot of memories.
Crystal, Amanda Jane’s mother and Gina’s sister, had worked the booth one Frogfest and it had been the first time he’d kissed her. So many memories in this place.
Gina followed his gaze and said, “Oh, lord. Look who’s behind the booth.”
It was Gina’s lawyer, Emma. She headed over to the booth, laughing as she went. “What are you doing?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I lost a bet.” She scowled, obviously unhappy to be there.
“That’s not a very kissable expression on your face.” Reed threw in his two cents. It wasn’t just unkissable, she looked downright hostile.
“It’s not supposed to be. If I don’t look kissable, no one will kiss me, right?”
“Isn’t this to raise money for the hospital auxiliary?” he asked.
“Yes, and they can damn well get someone else if they want to make any money.”
The jar was abysmally empty. Reed dug a five out of his wallet and stuffed it in the jar.
“Buddy, I hope you’re paying me not to kiss you.” Then her eyes narrowed. “Gina can handle my light work.”
He looked at Gina and her eyes had widened so far that she looked like a small animal in the glare of an oncoming truck.
If she’d been any other girl but Gina Townsend, he would’ve taken her up on Emma’s offer and kissed her senseless. Because he didn’t care about kissing any other girl but Gina. But he wanted to kiss Gina more than he was comfortable admitting.
“I paid you, Frog Lady.”
“I hope you don’t think I’ll turn into a princess.”
He smirked, but instead of kissing her grudgingly proffered cheek, he took her hand and kissed it like a gentleman from days of yore.
Emma blushed, all of her prickly demeanor gone. “You, sir, are dangerous.”
“No, no, no. That’s all wrong,” Amanda Jane said. She pointed at Reed and then at Gina. “You are supposed to kiss her. And she will turn into a princess. I know these things. Grammie told me.”
Gina was the first to respond. “Nope. I’ve got both my shoes.”
“You’re confusing fairy tales again, Gina-bee.” Amanda Jane didn’t seem amused. “Do it correctly, please.”
He loved that she was like a mini-adult. She was so polite, but knew exactly what she wanted and how things were to be done. She would find that frustrating as she grew up, but it would also serve her well. She reminded Reed a lot of what Gina had been like as a child. She’d had this amazing intellect that had been completely wasted on those around her. Even him.
“Correctly? I’m too old to be a princess. You, on the other hand, are just right.”
“She can be queen and me the princess?” She seemed to consider the scenario for a minute. “I suppose that could work.” Amanda Jane still sounded doubtful.
Reed knelt down and embraced her carefully, giving the child the opportunity to squirm away if she didn’t want him to hug her. Instead, she flung her thin arms around his neck and he dutifully placed a kiss on her cheek.
“I like this game.” She planted one on his cheek in return and then ran to the ball pit.
Her affection and expectation of such came so easily. He thought of all the ways people could use that against her, could hurt her. He found he couldn’t breathe.
“I know, right?” Gina said quietly. She understood.
“You’re all doing it wrong.” Gray’s voice surprised him.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were going back to the city?” Reed asked as he got to his feet.
“I had to try out this infamous Frogfest. I heard there were going to be carnival games and maybe an exhibition match of some local talent.” He shrugged. “I see everyone takes these things seriously around here.” He eyed Emma.
“If we did it wrong, maybe you should show us how it’s done?” Gina cast a sly grin at Emma.
Emma’s gaze cut to Gray so fast, Reed was sure he actually saw it slice the air. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Oh, I more than dare. Especially since you think I wouldn’t.” He pulled out a hundred-dollar bill and stuffed it in the jar. “That’s the best reason to dare.”
“Damn,” Emma whimpered.
“You got that right.” Gray grabbed her and bent her over the back of his arm and kissed her.
Gina lifted her chin and nodded at Reed. “That’s what she gets for calling you light work.”
Reed laughed. “Oh, really? Well, compared to that, I guess I am light work. He’s got a lot more game than I ever did.”
“It’s for a good cause, anyway.” Gina shrugged. “Sorry Amanda Jane put you on the spot like that. I’ll talk to her if you want.”
“No, it’s okay. I think it’s probably pretty normal. We’re her caregivers. Wanting to see us that way is searching for a kind of stability, I imagine.” Reed remembered having those same wants as a child with every new man his mother brought home. After a while, he’d gotten numb to those wants and eventually, started dreading each new encounter because it was always the beginning of the end.
Gina’s expression changed from light and open to concerned as she spread out the blanket and arranged the bags and basket just so. “Do you think she feels like her life is unstable?”
If he were more of a bastard, he could use this moment to pounce, to give himself the upper hand for further negotiations. But he didn’t want Gina to feel unsure of her choices. He knew that she’d done the best she could. Once he got past his own issues, he could see that.
“No. An unstable child wouldn’t ask for what they want like she does. She expects all of her needs to be met because they have been. You’ve done a great job, Gina.”
He didn’t expect her to melt into him the way she did, for her arms to lock around his waist and for her to bury her face in his neck. Reed embraced her carefully and tried not to think about how good she felt wrapped in his arms.
How good this whole day was turning out to be, despite having murdered Bostwick the garden gnome.
“I’m sorry, I just...I’ve tried so hard. I wanted her to have better than we did.”
“And she does. You’re a good mother.”
She broke away from him and everything in him wanted to reach out and pull her back against him. “But I’m not her mother.”
“You are in all ways that matter. You’ve been a good father, too. You’ve been everything. But you’re not alone now.”
Gina’s eyes fluttered closed. “You know, when I took her after Crystal died, I told them they couldn’t just give me a child. What was wrong with child services that they could just hand this child over to me?”
“I would’ve felt the same way, but I would’ve been right in my case. She’s happy, healthy, smart and kind. What more can you do?”
“I guess keep doing what I’ve been doing.” She looked away from him to scan the ball pit and then back at him. “So this is really happening, right? We’re getting married?”
“Yeah. If you say yes.”
“I think there are some things we need to talk about that weren’t addressed in the agreement.” She took a deep breath. “Are you dating?”
That was the last question he expected from her. “What?”
“Dating. Seeing someone. Hittin’ and quittin’...” She used their old high school slang for one-night stands.
“Uh, no, Gina. None of that.”
“Me, either. I don’t want a string of people in and out of her life.”
Her answer unknotted something tight in his chest. “I don’t really date at all. So that’s not a problem.”
“Why not?” She cocked her head to the side and looked up at him.
Her eyes were so clear, like the cloudless sky, and her bow mouth was pursed waiting for his answer. The distance between them began to disappear slowly but surely as he leaned in, perhaps to tell her a secret.
He hadn’t intended to kiss her, but he found himself leaning forward, anyway.
“Daddy! Come play with me,” Amanda Jane yelled.
Her voice startled Reed out of whatever spell had drifted over him and he launched himself to his feet and went to go play with his daughter.
CHAPTER EIGHT (#ulink_cc40ee8f-370f-5997-9171-9147f67a185d)
HAD REED BEEN about to kiss her? Gina wondered.
The more important question was, would she have let him?
This kind of complication was the very last thing she needed.
She pressed her fingers to her lips, imagining just what she would do if he did kiss her. After kissing him back, of course. The part of her that wanted to know what it was like to kiss Reed Hollingsworth hadn’t grown out of it, perhaps never would.
She’d spent much of her teen years wondering what it would be like if he ever turned to her, if he ever leaned over ever so slowly, what it would be like. Would her world explode or dry up until it was nothing but dust?
Would his kiss be like a man’s or a boy’s?
She’d been infatuated with him as a girl, but now that she was a woman, all of those thoughts and feelings came rushing back tenfold.
But for him, she wondered if it was part and parcel to playing house with her. He suddenly had this ready-made family and maybe he figured she was just part of the deal. Take her, keep her happy, or maybe it wasn’t even that blatant.
Gina flopped back onto the blanket and stared up at the bright, endless ocean of sky. A gentle breeze played over her hair.
She’d spent so long trying to make sure any prospective boyfriends understood that Amanda Jane was part of the package, she forgot that she wanted someone else to want her for herself, too. She’d always kind of assumed that was a given.
Nothing could ever be so easy with Reed. He made her doubt herself on all fronts without even trying. In fact, he’d been nothing but encouraging and she found that she desperately wanted his approval.
She’d never worried about anyone’s approval but her own.
Until now.
Now her stupid brain wouldn’t do anything but think about why he’d almost kissed her, and what would’ve happened if he had, and if it was a sign from the universe that Amanda Jane had called out to him when she did.
Didn’t she have enough on her plate?
Apparently not.
She watched father and daughter play in the ball pit. The easy affection that had blossomed so quickly between them. Gina decided that maybe he’d be a great father, if he’d let himself.
Then Gina decided that she might be the most horrible person on the planet.
It was always in the back of her mind, sometimes the front, that Amanda Jane was her niece. Crystal had been her mother. Gina’s poor, tragic sister. It hadn’t had to end like it had, if only she’d fought more, done more...
But thinking about Crystal having this with Reed...days like today. Moments like the last one where he’d almost kissed her, it made her jealous. As jealous as she’d been when they were in high school and she kept waiting for Reed to notice that she was pretty, too. That she was smart. That she was the one who really wanted to be with him.
For the first time, Gina thought that Crystal hadn’t deserved these moments.
Who was she to judge? She knew Crystal’d had her own demons to exorcise and she knew there were things that lived in the shadows of memory that had always had a tight fist around her sister’s throat. She wouldn’t trade places with her for anything in the world.
And she couldn’t build her dreams on the hopes of her sister’s pain and suffering.
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.
Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».
Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию (https://www.litres.ru/sara-arden/finding-glory/) на ЛитРес.
Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.
Sara Arden
Once upon a time, he was just a hopeless cause from the wrong side of Glory, Kansas. And he'll be damned if he'll let anyone drag him back down after finally clawing his way out.Everyone knows that Gina Townsend is a saint, always taking care of everyone around her. And now she's trying to be a mother to her six-year-old niece, Amanda Jane. But the girl's biological father isn't helping matters. The scruffy, gangly boy Gina remembers has returned to Glory a sexy, successful man, but Reed Hollingsworth is the only thing standing between her and losing Amanda Jane to foster care.Betrayed that neither Townsend sister bothered to tell him he was a father until he had money, Reed's still not about to shirk his responsibilities. So when he demands Gina move in with him as part of Amanda Jane's custody agreement, he tries not to notice pretty much everything about her–especially the way his solemn-faced daughter laughs when they play together.Raising a child together, Reed and Gina learn that some dreams come and go, but some are a spark that burns eternal…
Once upon a time, he was just a hopeless cause from the wrong side of Glory, Kansas. And he’ll be damned if he’ll let anyone drag him back down after finally clawing his way out.
Everyone knows that Gina Townsend is a saint, always taking care of everyone around her. And now she’s trying to be a mother to her six-year-old niece, Amanda Jane. But the girl’s biological father isn’t helping matters. The scruffy, gangly boy Gina remembers has returned to Glory a sexy, successful man, but Reed Hollingsworth is the only thing standing between her and losing Amanda Jane to foster care.
Betrayed that neither Townsend sister bothered to tell him he was a father until he had money, Reed’s still not about to shirk his responsibilities. So when he demands Gina move in with him as part of Amanda Jane’s custody agreement, he tries not to notice pretty much everything about her—especially the way his solemn-faced daughter laughs when they play together.
Raising a child together, Reed and Gina learn that some dreams come and go, but some are a spark that burns eternal...
Dear Reader (#ulink_1a1bc9e0-05b6-531b-abbc-7dd3067f665c),
Here we are again back in the small town of Glory, where things aren’t always what they seem, and neither are the people we grew up with. Even with such a close-knit community, the people on the fringes are often the ones who need that community the most.
Just like Reed and Gina.
This story is a little different than the others on the surface, but deep at its core, it’s about the same things. Love, hope and redemption. Finding the courage inside yourself to be the best person you can be, letting love heal the wounds that are soul-deep, and fighting for the happily-ever-after that we all deserve.
Thanks so much for coming back again and checking in on our favorite small town. You know it’s not the same here without you.
Happy reading!
Sara Arden
Finding Glory
Sara Arden
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
This is dedicated to the steadfast, inspiring, beautiful Nicolase Mallat. You’re the best book midwife there is. You held my hand, soothed my brow and helped me bring this into the world.
Contents
Cover (#ud5bca7e7-7160-5fe3-b3aa-700bde61658c)
Back Cover Text (#ufd353749-0e26-5dba-95b0-d955c49ec7d3)
Dear Reader (#uae4a5d5f-cc07-515c-a1d2-978c4717b83c)
Title Page (#ub0755550-a695-505c-aa2a-acb2ba6ae815)
Dedication (#ue4f08248-9dbf-5d4e-bd5c-e24ab0bd6477)
PROLOGUE (#uf98353ff-8eef-5925-aad4-609e30958e4c)
CHAPTER ONE (#ud1d4a3ec-45bf-5e11-8d3a-59e68a7fbb4a)
CHAPTER TWO (#u6d0564c3-02ca-51d2-a413-c648d2a5c7ef)
CHAPTER THREE (#uc8d1d74f-c4d1-5a98-803a-22691b3b6bae)
CHAPTER FOUR (#u995c531e-6123-5520-8fde-8a34f680dbd0)
CHAPTER FIVE (#ube95d3da-5f18-50aa-8bf6-8075ceec0d49)
CHAPTER SIX (#u09fab2c1-01a8-55ba-bc86-de99f6f25c11)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#ud98c571a-cfbe-59a2-82bf-8375678fa72c)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#u2c2a5ec4-e2c1-5404-8d9c-6cdcfd38c0f7)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIFTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIXTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINETEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
PROLOGUE (#ulink_d56bc8cd-2496-5fa4-b7ed-574c7d6d5d38)
“I SAY, DO HUSH, ETHEL.” Helga Gunderson rattled the gavel at the podium with all of the authority afforded her station both as the Grand Dame of the Glory Grandmothers and as the chief judge for the first district in Glory County.
Ethel Weinburg, local busybody, knitting genius and general jill-of-all-trades, squirmed in her seat and made a big show of adjusting the folds of her dress.
Helga warmed. “I want to hear all about your petunias, dear, but we have urgent business on Maudine’s behalf.”
The woman in question, one Maudine Townsend, sat in the proverbial hot seat up on the small stage. Her blue hair didn’t put anyone off—after all, it was perfectly coiffed as it had been every day since she was thirteen. The dye job had been to show school spirit for her old alma mater, but the temporary dye had become more of a fixture.
“As you all know, I haven’t been feeling well.” Maudine took a deep breath, deciding what she wanted to say next. She didn’t want anyone other than Helga to know just what she’d been going through, but she needed them to understand the importance of what she was about to ask.
“Have you tried a cleanse?” Regan Marsh asked, pushing up her glasses. “A good colonic can fix everything. I remember this one time when—”
Heavens save her from people who could only talk about their bodily functions. Maudine held up her hand. “Stop right there. I swore that the day I spoke of such things in public would be my cue to lie down and let them bury me. If that’s all I can converse about, it’s a sad day indeed.” She pursed her lips. “No, what I need is more for my granddaughter, Gina. She has absolutely no life trying to raise Amanda Jane. She’s a good parent, but she’s too young to have given up on falling in love.”
“Maybe her priorities are right where they need to be,” Rose Cresswell offered.
Maudine’s eyes narrowed. “Amanda Jane needs a father.” And I need to know she’ll be loved when I’m gone.
“I raised my daughters without a man just fine, thank you very much.” Ethel crossed her arms.
“No one is saying you didn’t. I didn’t say Bitsie Weinburg needs a father. I said Amanda Jane Townsend does. And Gina needs the help. Not because she’s not capable, but because she deserves to have something in her life she didn’t have to fight for. It would just kill me if she missed out on becoming a doctor because I couldn’t take Amanda Jane full-time,” Maudine confessed.
Gina’s story thus far was like a penny dreadful. She’d lost her mother, her sister, and now was trying to take care of her niece and put herself through medical school. She’d found a way to do that with the army, but when she found out Amanda Jane needed her, she’d declined to reenlist. And in doing so, had declined the GI Bill that would’ve paid for her education. No, Gina wasn’t going to end up like everyone else in Maudine’s family. She would survive and thrive, no matter what Maudine had to do to make it happen. She couldn’t help but feel like she could’ve done more, done better.
“Honey, no one would expect you to.” Helga gave her a sympathetic smile. The kind that you save for kittens, daisies and best friends. Especially when you knew how much pain that best friend was in.
Of course Helga knew what she was thinking. Helga always knew. She was like the FBI.
“Anyway—” She shook her head. Maudine didn’t want the conversation centered on her. It was about Gina. Making Gina happy. Seeing her settled.
Maudine knew that Gina could do anything. She believed in her—in her grit, in her spirit, in the fire in her belly that would help her succeed at everything. But her whole life had been a fight. It was time for something good and Maudine was going to make that happen for her.
“As I was saying—” she continued “—I want to see Gina settled.”
“Why do they call it settling? I wouldn’t think you’d want her to settle,” Regan interjected.
“Fine. Happy. I want to see her happy.” Maudine rolled her eyes and wondered how they ever accomplished anything.
“I heard that Reed Hollingsworth is back in town. He bought a big house on Knob Hill,” Rose Cresswell added helpfully.
“We all know that, Rose,” Helga reminded her kindly. “He’s Amanda Jane’s father. We’ve been watching this very closely.”
Rose sighed. “I suppose I mean to say what are we going to do about it? I mean, if we’re trying to matchmake for Gina.”
“Exactly!” Maudine pointed a finger at Rose. “That’s it exactly. What are we going to do about it?”
Ethel’s brow furrowed. “I suppose it depends on what you think we can do about it. What’s your endgame?” Ethel had on her game face, the one she reserved for their poker matches after the meeting. Things were getting serious.
“Gina’s happiness.”
“Duh.” Regan Marsh rolled her eyes behind her thick, bejeweled glasses. “But what—” she stuffed a bite of scone from Sweet Thing into her mouth “—do you think her perfect pitch is? What sort of resonance will make her happy?”
“I really wish you wouldn’t speak like that, Regan. It shatters your credibility.” Helga wrinkled her nose. “And why do you always have to bring everything back to a musical analogy? Wouldn’t it annoy you to no end if I did that? If I made everything about the law?”
Several glances cut to Helga sharply and she narrowed her eyes. “Fine. I’ll work on that. Anyway, Maudine. What do you think will make Gina happiest?”
“To have a whole family. A man who will love her, and Amanda Jane as his own. To go to medical school without worrying about how we’re going to provide Amanda Jane with the things she needs.” Maudine sighed heavily. “I’ve done my best.”
“We know you have, dear. So does she.” Marie Hart nodded from her chair.
“We could set her up with my grandson, Greg. He’s a firefighter. He’s always had an eye for Gina,” Helga offered.
“No.” Ethel shook her head. “It’s too cute. Greg and Gina Gunderson. There are so many g’s there, I choked on them.”
“Ethel, you cannot expect people to marry or not marry because of their names,” Rose admonished.
“The answer is staring us in the face.” Maudine’s expression melted into a sly smile. “She’ll marry Reed,” she proclaimed. That was the perfect solution.
“Have you lost your mind?” Rose asked, her expression one of serious concern.
“No, no. I’m serious as Old Man Zorn’s heart attack.” Maudine nodded emphatically. “She’s always had a crush on Reed. Even when the boy had no prospects. Now, he does. He has several billion of them, he’s Amanda Jane’s father...it solves all of our problems.”
“Have you forgotten the part where he was on the drugs?” Ethel faux-whispered.
It was Helga’s turn to roll her eyes. “The drugs? As if he did them all? That was years ago. He’s cleaned up his act. He’s CEO of a major international company. If there was the slightest chance he was slipping, his board of directors would oust him so fast it would make your head spin.”
“I wouldn’t trust him with a child.” Ethel crossed her arms. “This is all just so seedy.”
“Good thing it’s not up to you, isn’t it?” Maudine looked pointedly at Helga. She’d be hearing the paternity suit Maudine had convinced Gina to file against Reed.
“You’re asking me to break the law. To form an opinion days before I hear a case.” Helga shook her head.
“No, I’m asking you, after listening to the evidence for yourself, to consider this option as a relief of circumstances to both parties.” Maudine flashed a self-satisfied smile. “Offer them marriage as an option to child support and a custody fight.”
“Are you sure you’re not the one who should’ve gone to law school?” Helga eyed her.
“I just know what’s best for Gina. That’s why we started the Grandmothers, right? To put our life experience to good use.” Maudine nodded.
“Do you have any doubts about this? Any at all? A man can change a lot in seven years,” Helga asked.
“Yes, I do believe he can.” Maudine nodded again, but this time it was weighted with purpose.
“I won’t make you any promises. If, based on the evidence presented, this is a good idea, I’ll suggest it. But it might not be. I am an officer of the court. So we need a backup plan.”
“Your grandson is my backup plan.” Maudine grinned.
“That’s probably not something you should ever say to his face, dear,” Regan added.
“Too true.” Helga nodded. “He’s a good man. And should be a woman’s first choice, not a backup plan.”
“You know what I mean. I already love Greg like my own.” Maudine tried to smooth over her careless words.
“I know that.” Helga sniffed. “So, anyone else have anything to contribute or are we ready to move on to the next item of business?”
Maudine stood. “We can move on to Ethel’s prize-winning petunias.”
“Actually, I think we should discuss how to get Marie’s B and B more exposure,” Ethel added. “My petunias are quite special, but they can only do so much, you know.”
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_355b34a8-ec87-5b62-bb3a-a18ef2425015)
A LACY COLLAR lay expertly arranged atop the judge’s black robes, like the doily positioned just so underneath the orange carnival glass bowl that held an endless supply of her grandmother’s hard, ribbon candy. The kind Gina had chipped her front tooth on when she was eight. Seeing it perched there, so crisp, so proper, caused a heavy knot to turn in on itself in her gut.
“Sit up straight,” Maudine Townsend whispered in Gina’s ear. “Just because I’ve played pinochle with Helga Gunderson every Saturday for as long as I can remember doesn’t mean she’s going to look kindly on you. She’ll be fair.”
“How is it fair to judge someone by their posture? Especially when I know that you two have never played pinochle. You play five-card stud and shoot whiskey,” Gina whispered back to her blue-haired grandmother. The woman’s hair was literally a light shade of blue. She’d dyed it for the street carnival two weeks back and temporary had turned out to be more permanent. But she’d accessorized nicely, striking an imposing figure in a white vintage Chanel suit circa 1963. Somehow, she’d made it work.
Maudine raised a perfectly drawn eyebrow. “Don’t be tart.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Gina straightened her posture. She was a grown woman, former army, and her grandmother still had the power to make her jump to. She didn’t mind it much. Her grandmother was the reason she was a fighter. Her grandmother was the reason she’d made it through high school after her mother died.
And her grandmother was the reason that Gina believed she could be a good mother to her niece, Amanda Jane, after Crystal died a year ago.
There’d been a lot of loss and a lot of sorrow in the past few years. It was a lot for anyone to bear, especially a six-year-old girl.
Suddenly, her grandmother’s fingers tightened around hers, the cool metal of her mail-order costume rings digging into Gina’s palms.
She looked up and saw him.
Him.
Reed Hollingsworth.
Gina thought she’d prepared herself for this—for seeing him after all these years. For facing him and demanding he do what was right.
No, faced with him, she felt like she’d opened the door to confront the monster in the closet and found out he was real. No, no...Reed wasn’t a monster. He was just a guy. A man like any other, even if he didn’t think so anymore.
He smelled of money, or she could tell that he would from across the courtroom.
Reed was ushered into the court by some shark masquerading as a man in a suit. They each had haircuts that probably cost more than all the shoes in her closet combined. Of course, that probably wasn’t saying much.
His hair gleamed, perfect and golden under the light. Too perfect, she wanted to muss it, push her fingers through it and disturb its perfection. She wanted proof that he was still Reed underneath this shiny veneer. Still the same boy, at heart. Because if he wasn’t, how would she survive this?
She’d survive anything, because she had to, she reassured herself.
Gina crossed her ankles and tucked her dollar-store flats underneath her, self-conscious of her hand-me-down dress and the slightly gnawed tips of her unpolished fingernails.
“I’m not worried about the judge, I’m worried about him. Don’t give him the satisfaction,” her best friend and lawyer, Emma Grimes, said from the seat next to her. “I don’t doubt he’s going to try to pull something here. That attack dog he’s got with him looks much too smug.”
“Good thing you’re better than an attack dog. You’re a nuclear weapon.” Or so Gina hoped. She’d need it to stand her own.
Gina had never been so angry as the day she found out that Reed had bought a house on Snob Hill. He had money for houses, for fancy cars, for whatever he wanted. Not just what he needed, but wanted. Any little thing—especially coming back to Glory and showing everyone he’d succeeded even when the world had been against him.
Well, that was just lovely for him, but what about his daughter? What about Crystal?
And what about herself?
Gina didn’t begrudge him his success and she didn’t want a handout. She was more than happy to work for everything she had, but it wasn’t fair that she was back to waiting tables, working as an EMT and trying to get through premed, all while raising his daughter with no help from him.
If he didn’t want to know the beautiful girl his daughter was, fine. But helping pay for her education, for her food and the clothes on her back was his responsibility, too, not Gina’s alone. She’d be damned if she’d let him waltz back into town and lord his money and success over everyone while Gina went without so Amanda Jane could have the things she needed—let alone anything she just wanted.
It was wrong that when they went to the store Amanda Jane never asked for anything. That when she made her Christmas list she put things on it like school supplies for Gina. It was kind, yes. She had a large heart, but Amanda Jane had gotten to know nothing of being a child. Even when she played on the swings, it was done with the grim determination of a chore. Something she was supposed to do.
All because she’d had a mother who loved her high more than her daughter and Reed couldn’t be bothered to be a father.
That thought sat cold and false in her mind. Even though she’d seen the proof in his absence, she’d never thought he’d be that way. In fact, when she’d played pretend in her head, she was the sister he’d fallen for, and he was always a wonderful dad.
But in those pretend schemes, he’d never been a junkie, either. Not that he was now; he was clean and sober.
Damn him, anyway.
Why did he have to be so handsome?
Why did he have to come back?
Why did he have to be Amanda Jane’s father?
She supposed if she were going to get stuck on that endless loop, she could ask the universe a lot of questions. Why did her mother have to die... It was what it was and the only thing she had control over was the here and now.
Sort of. She had control of her actions. That was it.
Judge Gunderson’s voice yanked her out of her thoughts. “Before I officially hear this case—” she peered down at them meaningfully, her presence heavy in the small room “—I want to offer you both a solution that has been suggested to me by concerned parties.”
Concerned parties? That would equal one Maudine Townsend. Gina forced herself to keep her eyes forward on the judge and not glaring at her grandmother.
She loved the woman.
She admired her.
Couldn’t live without her.
But she liked to meddle where she oughtn’t.
“Consider giving the child the stability and permanence marriage will provide.”
Maybe the judge was her grandmother’s best friend, but damn it.
“I object,” Gina said.
“Shh!” Emma and her grandmother said at the same time.
“Of course you do.” Judge Gunderson addressed her. “I wouldn’t want to marry a man I didn’t love, either. But you could do it for Amanda Jane.”
Reed’s gaze was hot on her, as if she’d just come into the sight of some heat-seeking missile. Well, she wasn’t going to look at him and give him the satisfaction.
“So my client is good enough to provide for you, but not good enough to marry? Noted,” the shark replied.
“Young man,” Helga Gunderson began as she turned her chilly stare on him. “Maybe your theatrics are appreciated in other courts. But you are in my courtroom. Being a smart aleck isn’t going to win you any favors.”
The shark grinned, not at all put off by her words. “Yes, ma’am.” He was almost handsome, that predator in a suit, with his boyish grin.
“And, Miss Grimes, please remind your client that she isn’t the one who gets to object.” Helga looked at them both pointedly.
“Yes, ma’am.” Emma nudged her under the table like she had those years ago in study hall.
And her grandmother pinched her on the other side.
“You don’t get to object, either. Stop it,” she grumbled under her breath at the woman who looked more pleased with herself than she should.
“Miss Grimes, Mr. James, confer with your clients.”
Emma leaned over. “It costs us nothing to say you’ll consider it. In fact, it could gain us some leverage if we have to appeal. You look agreeable and motivated to do what’s best for Amanda Jane.”
She snuck a glance at Reed and felt as if she was in high school all over again. She didn’t want to be the one to put herself out there. To say yes before he did. It was like admitting she didn’t think boys had cooties in the fourth grade. That was so stupid.
“You need every advantage you can get here. He’s her father. Crystal may have wanted you to have custody, but legally—” Emma whispered.
“Okay, fine.” Oh, God, could Reed really take Amanda Jane away from her? She’d never actually believed that could happen, but sitting here in the courtroom now, it was a sword of Damocles hanging over her head. He had more money, more advantages and no matter what Judge Gunderson’s ruling was, Reed could appeal it forever.
Emma straightened and nodded to the judge.
Reed’s eyes were on her again; she didn’t need to look at him to know that he was the one who watched her. It was almost as if he was trying to see what was under her skin. Or maybe he was just trying to look through her and pretend she wasn’t there.
“What about you, Mr. James? Your client’s answer?”
“We agree to consider it.”
Consider it. Marrying Reed Hollingsworth? That was just insane. The idea crashed into her, bruising her in places she didn’t know were still sore.
He was “considering” it. As if he would deign to look down from the castle he’d built for himself and still found her lacking.
She snuck a glance at him and he was still watching her, his blue eyes sharp as blades slicing her to ribbons.
But Gina refused to look away, refused to back down. She’d fight for Amanda Jane with every breath in her body.
“If you decide to go forward, I want a prenup on my desk before next week. If not, we’ll be revisiting this case to decide custody, visitation and support.”
“This is wonderful news. What are your colors going to be?” Maudine asked. “I’m thinking blush and cream.”
“I’m thinking you’ve lost your mind.” She took her grandmother’s hand. “If for some reason, this insanity happens, it will be just a signing of papers in Emma’s office. No dress, no vows, no—”
“Why would you deny an old woman her last wish?”
Gina snorted. “You’re far from dying, Grams.” She said it more to reassure herself than anyone else.
“You don’t know that. I could get hit by a bus. Or choke on—”
“Then I should never get married so you don’t ever leave us.” Gina hated how close to the truth that really was and her nose prickled.
“Hush with that.” Maudine’s thin arm came around her and pulled her close. She smelled like lavender and home. “Come on, now. Everything will be well. I know these things.”
After the judge left, Gina wanted to do anything but be in the same room with Reed. She was afraid he’d speak to her; she was afraid he wouldn’t. She didn’t know how to act.
When she’d been thinking about taking him to court for child support, this part of it had never figured into the equation. This hadn’t been real to her. It had been some fey idea in her head. When Emma asked her if she was sure about taking him to court, she’d been so steadfast. So sure. Now? She was drowning.
She didn’t think she’d have to see him, hear him. She certainly hadn’t thought she’d have to marry him.
As if that would happen, anyway. Not in a million years. The idea was preposterous.
But then what would she do if he wanted sole custody? Gina needed Amanda Jane as much as her niece needed her. She was her touchstone, her reason for fighting as hard as she had. She might have given up on med school last semester if not for her.
For a moment, Gina wondered if maybe that might be the best thing for Amanda Jane. Reed had all the advantages and she’d never want for anything.
But Reed didn’t know how to be a family. His own had been more lacking than hers. She’d at least had her grandmother.
Now wasn’t the time for self-doubt. It was the time to be decisive, to charge ahead with confidence, bravery and to never ever look back.
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_9e830bfb-5872-553d-8046-68b430192d20)
REED’S FIRST REACTION to the news that he was a father had been anger. Anger that he’d been denied the chance to really be a father. Anger that Crystal and Gina had taken that away from him. Anger that they didn’t want anything from him except his money. Because he hadn’t known he was a father until he’d been served with suit for child support.
Then under that anger, all the old pain, the old doubt—all the baggage associated with the old Reed— surfaced. He was very much that same kid again who wanted so desperately to be enough.
But something akin to longing vied for top tier when he saw Gina sitting there next to her grandmother.
Beautiful, innocent Gina with her ethereal pale skin, her cloud of dark hair and her soft pink lips that always had a smile for him.
He remembered how smooth and soft her hands were on his forehead, the way she’d tenderly pushed his hair out of his face when he’d been racked with fever and chills the first time he’d tried to get clean. There had been no pity in her eyes, only her kindness to ease his suffering.
One of his darkest secrets was that single time he’d slept with Crystal. He’d thought it was Gina, and that made him all kinds of a bastard. Especially when once he’d realized it wasn’t, it had been too good to stop. Something that finally felt good in a hazy world of pain and numbness.
He’d allow that he was still a bastard, but he wasn’t that kid anymore. That kid who’d do anything to feel good, anything to belong, anything to feel like someone gave a damn about him.
He gave a damn about himself and no one, not even Gina Townsend, was going to take that away from him.
Reed had come a long way since then and Gina obviously knew that. She and Crystal hadn’t wanted anything to do with him, hadn’t cared about Amanda Jane’s paternity until that article about him had appeared in Finance Today touting his net worth.
Marriage. What the hell was Gina thinking?
Besides wanting his money?
“I’m on it, Reed. If this is just a money grab on her part, I’ll get you custody of the child, and have her paying you child support before this is over. Parental alienation. It’s a crime.” Gray sounded almost cheerful.
That didn’t make him feel any better. His ego may have wanted Gina and Crystal to suffer, but his heart didn’t. No, he didn’t want that for Gina and Crystal. Crystal’s suffering was over. She’d died and Gina was trying to raise his daughter all on her own.
He was still all twisted up. It was like standing there naked. He’d built this persona around himself, made himself believe he was this successful billionaire, but inside, he was still that guy from a trailer park.
There were days he felt as if any minute someone was going to come tell him that it had all been a mistake and he had to give it back.
And sitting in court next to his lawyer in the town that only knew him as poor white trash kept reminding him that it was a possibility.
“I think we should go to the Bullhorn for lunch.”
“Isn’t that where she works? What are you doing?” Gray shoved his papers in his briefcase.
“I just... I need to see her.” Reed wanted to assure himself that despite all of this, everything they’d both been through, that she was still Gina. Gina of the soft eyes, the tender hands, Gina who would be a good mother.
“You just saw her.”
“No. I need to see her.” He hoped that Gray would understand.
He didn’t. Gray was made of steel and granite. Everything was very simple for him. “That’s what the meeting is for that I’m arranging with her lawyer.”
“Are you coming or what?” Well, he’d drag him along, anyway.
“That’s what I like about you, Hollingsworth. You live to make my job harder.” But Grayson smiled. “How do you know she’s going to work, anyway?”
“She’ll go to work. That’s what she does. A tornado couldn’t keep her away.” That was, if she was still the Gina he knew. Maybe she wasn’t. People were allowed to change. After all, hadn’t he?
Half an hour later Reed found himself sitting alone in a corner at Bullhorn BBQ, Gray having opted to have lunch elsewhere to keep plausible deniability. The place hadn’t changed at all. It still had that rustic mom-and-pop feel to the place—all the meat was smoked out back in a smoker. You could smell this place for miles.
The tables were covered in plastic red-and-white-checkered cloths, the chairs all a mismatched lottery, some scarred and ancient and others with a little less wear. The food was served in red plastic baskets, the kind you’d see in any diner in Nowhere, USA. There was something about the waxy brown paper that lined those baskets that made the food taste better.
Or maybe that was just a good association. Whenever he saw food served like that, it reminded him of the good times of his childhood. Of Gina sneaking food out the back door to him when his mother hadn’t been home in weeks, or she was too stoned to care. The taste had always been like heaven.
It had been years since he’d eaten in a place like this. Now it was all business dinners, charity balls and food prepared by a personal chef.
But as soon as the scent hit him, with a follow-up punch of nostalgia, all that had been wiped away. There was a part of him that wished he was still that screwed-up kid coming to beg food from her. She’d always had a smile for him then. He never had to doubt what she wanted from him.
He’d been worth something to her then.
Some movement caught his eye and he turned to see the object of his thoughts. Having seen her from a distance that morning in court still didn’t prepare him for the reality of her. For the hurricane of emotions that swept through him when he saw her. It was like a physical blow that knocked the breath from his lungs.
At first, he didn’t think it was her—it couldn’t be. She’d been demure this morning, a pale version of herself.
Yet it was her, in all the glorious flesh.
She was wearing a Bullhorn shirt that was stretched snug across her breasts, the horns of the bull curled enticingly over her wares. Gina had never filled out the shirt like that before...
It was tucked into cargo pants that hugged her hips and ass in the most enticing way. And he wasn’t the only one looking. Her ponytail swung as she expertly negotiated the floor with trays of ribs and pulled pork, and he wondered if her hair smelled like that flowery shampoo she loved or if she’d smell just a bit like barbecue. Both made his mouth water.
“Gina-bee!” a small voice exclaimed and someone held up a large, red plastic cup. “Root beer, please?”
He froze, his assessment of Gina finished for the moment. That small voice was a cold splash of reality. Suddenly, he was afraid to look. That could only be Amanda Jane. Her blond curls bounced as she wagged the cup around for Gina’s attention. She looked so much like him, it was uncanny.
His heart did something in that moment. It froze, it melted, it shattered—it did everything a heart could do. He was overwhelmed by the fact that he was a father. This little person—he’d helped create her. She was part of him.
And he didn’t even know her.
His fingers curled into a fist. He didn’t know her because they didn’t want her to know him. Crystal didn’t tell him. He’d have expected Gina to try to get in touch with him, at least.
She had. Now that she knew he had money.
“Certainly not. You’ve had enough.” Gina’s voice interrupted his thoughts.
“But I said please.” Amanda Jane’s lower lip curled into an exaggerated pout.
“Yes, you did.” Gina smiled and the expression lit up her face. “Thank you. How about water?”
The pout inflated, but then disappeared. “May I have root beer and ribs tomorrow?”
“I’m surprised you’re not sick of ribs.” Her voice had an indulgent tone to it.
Amanda Jane shook her head. “Never,” she said vehemently.
Gina slid a new glass, presumably filled with water, toward the girl on the way to clear another table.
For a moment, he had a glimpse of a life he’d been afraid to want. Of being a father to a sweet-faced girl who looked much like his own baby photos and being a husband to a woman like Gina.
If he’d had any sharp utensils near, he would have gouged that thought out of his head any way he could. But it was possible. All he had to do was say yes. Gina would do this, if only to keep custody of Amanda Jane.
As if she felt the weight of his gaze, she turned and Gina froze in the midst of wiping her hands on a napkin.
He watched her face change like the ebb and flow of the tide. She was always so easy to read. Reed would’ve thought the world might have hardened her more, taught her to hide her emotions. But everything she felt bloomed bright on her face with no reservations.
For a second, she was surprised to see him, then there was a happiness in her eyes that startled him. He hadn’t expected that—genuine happiness at the sight of him. But it faded quickly into a scowl.
“What do you want?”
“Lunch.” Reed didn’t mean to sound so cavalier, but it was his only defense against her. What else could he say? I came here because I wanted to see you?
He was conflicted about what that thought wrought in him. He didn’t want her to be working the same job, stuck in the same cycle, wasting away—all her potential squandered. But if she was chasing his bank account, what else would she be doing?
Still, she didn’t seem unhappy.
She was gentle with Amanda Jane, patient. That wasn’t the behavior of an addict. That hurt him, pierced his skin and burrowed into his bones. If she hadn’t fallen into the same trap that he and Crystal had, what was she doing still in Glory?
“Maybe you should get it somewhere else.” Her mouth thinned.
“Maybe I should,” he agreed easily. “I wanted to see you.”
“Now you’ve seen me.” Her knuckles whitened as she clenched her fists. “Wasn’t this morning enough?”
“That I have.” He nodded. Reed didn’t know what to say to her. He hadn’t planned on speaking to her, but he should’ve known his presence wouldn’t have gone unnoticed. “And I’m wondering why you’re still working here?”
Her eyes narrowed and for a moment, he thought for sure she was going to do violence.
“Why am I still working here? That’s really what you’re going to ask me after seven years? The last time I saw you was the night before my sister almost died and all you can think to say to me is why I’m still working at the Bullhorn?” Her voice was almost a growl. “I’m working here to support your daughter. What about you? What are you doing to take care of her?”
He hadn’t expected this from her—hell, he didn’t know what he expected. Reed supposed that if he didn’t believe she’d gotten out of the cycle, why should she believe that he had? The balls on this woman: to sue him for child support and then imply she could somehow mandate the terms of his visitation.
There was a part of him that raged at her for daring to speak of it, for digging underneath his skin and tearing at old scars and still prescient fears. That he’d never be anything more than a junkie kid from Whispering Woods.
But he was. He was so much more than that now. He was a man in control of himself and his destiny. He could buy the Bullhorn and fire her, if he chose.
“Don’t push me too hard, Gina. You’ve already shown you can’t take care of her on your own. That’s why you’re suing me for child support. I’ll go for full custody.” He kept his tone low and quiet so only Gina could hear him.
“You’d take her away from me, from the only stability she’s ever known, because you’re afraid of the truth? You’re still just like Crys. Maybe you have some nice suits and you got your teeth fixed, but underneath all of that, you’re still who you’ve always been. The high more important than anything else,” she hissed back, her voice at the same low pitch to keep Amanda Jane from hearing them.
“You don’t know anything about me.” For one horrible moment, he was afraid she was right.
Gina paused and pursed her lips. “You’re right. I don’t. Which is exactly why I don’t want you anywhere near my niece.”
He saw her hands curl into fists and then splay by her side.
“You want my money.” He dared her to deny it.
“I don’t know why I thought you’d be different. I guess those rose-colored glasses were just the remnants of my childhood.”
“Really?” he snorted. “You thought that you could just throw me away when I wasn’t any use to you and now that I’ve made something of myself, it’s convenient to tell me that I might be a father?”
“What I thought was that you might have given a damn. But you didn’t. So no, I don’t want anything from you but a check.” She braced her hands on the table. “That should make you happy. Then you don’t have to do anything but put your name on the dotted line or have your shark lawyer do it for you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Maybe you were too blazed out of your mind when Crys told you to remember. But she told you the night she OD’d and she even called your case manager when Amanda Jane was born.”
Her words affected him like a physical blow. “Gina, the day I got served with this suit was the first time I’d heard anything about a child.”
The fire in her eyes simmered to an ember and she studied him hard.
“There’s a part of me that wants to believe you.” She looked away. “Part of me that actually does believe you.” Her voice dropped an octave; it was almost a whisper.
He felt like the world’s biggest asshole. For all her fire, she was still sweet little Gina. And he’d come in here looking for a fight. A place to put all of his pain, his doubt, and a focus for his anger. Anywhere besides himself.
“There’s a part of me that wants to believe you, too.” He inhaled deeply before making his confession. “And there’s this other part of me that thinks you’re like everyone else who wants to take everything I’ve done away from me.”
Because he didn’t deserve it. He was poor white trash from the wrong side of the tracks and no amount of imported cologne could wipe off the stench, or erase the scars on his arms. He didn’t want to believe that, and for a long time, he’d convinced himself that he didn’t. Then he found out he was a father. He found out Gina didn’t want him. Crystal hadn’t wanted him. The people he’d thought were safe weren’t.
He shouldn’t have confessed that to her, shouldn’t have given her anything she could use against him.
Gina sank down in the chair next to him, her shoulders slumped. “I don’t want anything that’s yours. Just what’s hers. If you look at the numbers, I’m not asking for anything extravagant.”
That was a glimpse of the person he’d still hoped she was. In truth, she really hadn’t asked for that much. She was most likely entitled to ten times that given his income. But he’d wondered if it was just because she didn’t know how much to ask for. Except with Amanda Jane’s little face looking over at him, he found that thought to be foreign and cruel. If she really was his daughter, she was entitled to his support.
“No, you’re not.” He didn’t know what else to say.
“Reed, I’m doing the best I can.”
He wondered what her best was and sure as hell hoped it was better than what they had growing up. Reed was almost afraid to ask, but he had to know. “You’re not still living in Whispering Woods, are you?” He mentioned the trailer park community where they’d grown up.
“No. I’ve got a little house out in the country. Highway 5. You remember the one with the hills that we used to take really fast?”
“Hanging out someone’s sunroof? You remember that time you swallowed a moth?”
She turned to look at him. “I thought I was going to die. It was the nastiest thing.”
“It’s not like you could taste it.”
“No, but I had nightmares about what it was doing in there.”
He laughed. This...this was what he’d wanted from her—hoped for. Why couldn’t he have just spoken to her like this from the beginning? If he was really a better man than he’d once been, he wouldn’t need to be so defensive.
Wouldn’t need to try to put her down or show her how easily he could defeat her.
Again, he couldn’t help but think that he was an asshole. But just like he didn’t have to be an addict, he didn’t have to be this person, either. He could own his actions and he could choose them.
“I’m sorry, Gina.”
It took a long time for her to look up at him and meet his gaze. For a moment, he wasn’t sure she would. When she did, he saw something there he couldn’t name. All he knew was that it cut him.
“For what?” She cocked her head to the side.
“For being an asshole.”
Gina shook her head. “I knew this wouldn’t be easy.” She laughed, but there was no mirth in the sound. “When I knew you’d been served, I kind of wanted to throw up. I knew you’d be angry with me. I just... Crys said she told you and you didn’t want anything to do with us. I never thought she’d lie about that. If I thought for one second that you didn’t know about Amanda Jane, I might have gone about it differently.”
“You still can.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want to be a part-time father. I want you to consider what the judge offered.” At the sudden look of fear on her face, he held up his hands as if to ward it off. “Not like that. If we’re in the same household, I can see her whenever I want and so can you.”
She looked as though he’d just punched her. “You’ve lost your mind.”
“Hear me out.”
“It would put us at your mercy, right under your thumb.” She shook her head. “You just told me that I didn’t know you and you’re right. I haven’t seen you in seven years.”
“Which is exactly why you should marry me. Don’t you think it would be traumatic for her to suddenly be left with a stranger?”
The fear on her face was back and so was the guilty chill slithering down his spine.
“I can’t talk about this with you.”
He exhaled, sensing that the earlier door to their childhood memories had been slammed in his face.
She stood. “I have to get back to work.”
“Gina?”
She turned back to face him. “What?”
He found everything he thought he wanted to say died on the tip of his tongue and it was nothing but charcoal and memory.
“Me, too, Reed.” She answered the unspoken questions, regrets and hopes with all of her own. All the things he couldn’t seem to tell her, it was as if she knew them all and had them herself.
Perhaps he’d been wrong. Maybe Gina did know him, after all. She seemed to sense everything he wanted to say but couldn’t.
He wondered why it was so easy to say all the wrong things, but the right ones were practically impossible.
As he watched her walk away, he wondered what the hell he’d been thinking, asking her to marry him. That was pure insanity.
He wasn’t ready to be a father. He could barely manage himself. What was he thinking?
Just looking at facts, if he didn’t know that it was his own case he was judging, he wouldn’t give a child to a man like him. Even with all of his money, all the years between himself and his addiction, all the things he’d accomplished, Reed could only assume he’d blow it and Amanda Jane would be better off anywhere, but with him.
Why he thought he could do a better job than his own absent father—he’d always vowed if he ever had children they’d never know a childhood like his own. It wasn’t all horrible; he’d had Gina and Crystal, other friends, but he never had stability or comfort and he was always left with this horrible ache in his chest, this want of things that weren’t for him.
A hunger.
And he’d tried to fill it with pleasure—with sex, with drugs, with anything that would make that feeling stop.
He didn’t want any child to know that feeling, let alone his own.
He wondered what life had been like for her. If she knew enough now to want what she couldn’t have, if it gnawed at her the same way it affected him.
Gina went over to where Amanda Jane was sitting, took the girl’s hand and led her back toward the kitchen—away from him. He couldn’t blame her.
Maybe she was right to just want a check and his absence.
He closed his eyes as if that could somehow guard him against the sharp blades of that thought. It sliced into him, into every single defense he had.
Part of him wanted to escape, and still another part of him wanted to stay at the Bullhorn just a little bit longer, hoping to catch another glimpse of the woman and child that were the embodiment of a future he’d been afraid to want.
He stayed there in the corner long after he knew she wasn’t coming back to his table.
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_5fb0671b-53df-557e-9b54-94a9bb7618b3)
SEEING REED AGAIN up close and personal had gone better and worse than Gina had hoped. Better because after his initial anger, he seemed willing. Worse, because...
Because he still made her heart flutter like a stupid butterfly and she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She wanted to stop. Gina wanted to push him and all of her stupid hopes and resurrected teen desires out of her head. Two days had passed, and she still couldn’t stop. Maybe she was the addict.
She almost hadn’t recognized him at first. His thin features had filled in and it was obvious he was taking much better care of his body. He was bigger, stronger, a hunger inside him striving to get out and obvious in his every action. He looked like the GQ model version of Reed Hollingsworth with perfect hair, a perfect suit, but his eyes were the same. In those depths was the familiar hopeful kid she’d known.
Once upon a time, she’d wished it had been her that he wanted and while good sense told her that it was just the leftovers of a high school infatuation, her body didn’t know the difference. The hard planes of his powerful body in that suit that had been tailor-made for him, the determined set to his jaw and the ferocity of his expression conveyed that now, there was nothing he wanted that he couldn’t have. Gina found that kind of confidence and power titillating, as much as she hated to admit it.
But he wasn’t a fairy-tale prince on a valiant steed. He was an addict. That didn’t change. He could manage his addiction, but there was no magic cure to free him from the curse. And if there was, it certainly wasn’t her. He’d picked Crystal, not Gina. No, he was no hero.
Though she realized he wasn’t the villain she’d thought he’d become, either.
She knew that she’d agree to whatever Reed wanted if it meant that she could keep Amanda Jane. And she would never just let her go with a stranger. When it was distilled down to its most basic, Reed was a stranger to them both. Amanda Jane played on the floor with a myriad of secondhand toys. She had a doll in an evening gown riding a fire truck. That was her current obsession. She said she wanted to be a firefighter when she grew up and apparently, she planned on doing it in sparkles.
Which was just fine with Gina. Gina made it a point to tell her that with enough hard work, she could do anything—be anything.
Amanda Jane sang a little song to herself quietly and rather than distract Gina from her studies, it soothed her.
No, what distracted her was seeing Reed Hollingsworth.
Gina had always wondered what happened to Reed. If he’d taken the same path that Crystal had, he’d have been in prison or dead. Then her economics class had been assigned an article about rags-to-riches businessman Reed Hollingsworth.
And the article had pissed her off.
How dare he sit there on his velvet throne looking down on the rest of them while she struggled to feed and clothe his daughter? Crystal may have been fine with no help from Reed, but Gina wasn’t. He had a responsibility to his daughter. If he didn’t want to physically parent, fine. But he could contribute financially. It was the least he could do. The man made millions of dollars a year. Twelve grand a year plus a college education for his daughter wasn’t going to beggar him.
Gina was torn between anger, regret and betrayal. These washed over her all at once and she imagined if the emotions had colors, they’d look like a mess of spilled ink after they’d roiled around inside of her. At the end of the day, there was no discernible difference between them.
She was so tired. She’d just come off a twenty-four-hour shift and she had to study for a test the next day, but she needed to spend some time with Amanda Jane, too. The girl was just getting over the latest bout of bronchitis. Amanda Jane had a weak immune system, but they were lucky that was her only problem considering Crystal’s mistreatment of herself while she was pregnant.
Gina sighed and put her head down on the table. She wished she could learn by osmosis, then maybe banging her head against things would actually serve a purpose.
“Are you tired, Gina-bee?” Amanda Jane asked her in a small, scratchy voice.
She smiled. Crystal had called her Gina-bee when she was tiny. It reminded her of the person her sister had been and the hope she had for the person and mother she hoped she could be again. “Yes, darling.”
“Maybe it’s nap time.”
“But you don’t like naps.”
“No.” Amanda shook her head earnestly. “But you like them. So, maybe we should have one.”
“I’m fine, honey. I have to study for this test.”
“Tests are dumb.”
Tests made Gina feel dumb sometimes. She smiled again. “No, they’re good. This test means I can go to my next class and then I can be Doctor Gina.”
“And Doctor Gina means no more EMT Gina,” Amanda Jane recited with her.
“You got it, kiddo.” She stared back down at the paper, trying to make sense of the words as they danced over the page, but she didn’t see any of them. All she could see was Reed’s thin face.
Maybe because Amanda Jane looked so much like him. Or as he had as a boy, before things had gotten so bad.
He’d been so beautiful to her then, so tragic. With a face like an angel and a heart so full of hope, even after it had been crushed again and again. She’d waited for him to notice her as something other than Crystal’s sister.
It was ironic, really.
She’d ended up a parent the end of her senior year and she’d never had sex to prevent exactly that thing. Gina wanted to get an education, a career, before she started a family. And she wanted to do it the right way. She wanted to fall in love, have babies with a man who wanted to be a father and a husband. She wanted the white picket fence and the American dream.
And now, she supposed she had fallen in love, but with Amanda Jane. That girl was her heart and soul, and Gina would do anything she had to do to provide a good life for her. Anything.
Gina had a feeling that the universe was going to test her mettle with that statement, but she didn’t care. There was nothing more important to her than giving Amanda Jane the life she deserved.
She knew that meant seeing Reed again and she also knew it meant that she couldn’t let her softer feelings for the boy he’d been get in the way. He wasn’t that boy anymore. He was a grown man who’d had no problem playing hardball.
But neither would Gina.
She just couldn’t reconcile that with the boy he’d been.
Gina looked back down at Amanda Jane’s serious blue eyes and found another smile. “Hey, you want to help me study for this test?”
Amanda Jane put down her doll and her small fingers reached for the flash cards. She was probably the only six-year-old who knew the names of all the bones in the human body. She’d been tested as gifted, and Gina wasn’t sure if it was because she included Amanda Jane in her studies as a means to double task spending time with her as well as test prep, or if it was because she was wired much like Gina herself.
Either way, it both warmed and broke her heart at the same time. She never wanted Amanda Jane to feel the way that she did growing up. She never wanted her to be the dirty kid who had to eat free lunch, who was the hope in teachers’ eyes. That someday, they knew she’d be the story they told to their class about how if Gina Townsend could do it, they could do it, too.
Reed’s financial support could change all of that.
She wouldn’t care what he thought of her, as long as Amanda Jane was taken care of.
But there was a secret part of her that wanted him to come back to Glory and realize that he’d always been in love with her and they’d get married, raise Amanda Jane together and live happily ever after.
Silly as it was.
Crystal was her mother, not Gina. And if Reed had ever had any feelings for her, he would’ve told her somehow. Acted on them in some way. She didn’t even know him anymore.
She had Amanda Jane. She was going to be a doctor. Nothing could stop her. Not her past, not her sister and definitely not Reed Hollingsworth.
Her cell rang and she saw that it was Emma.
A knot tightened in on itself in her gut. It had to be the meeting to discuss this whole insane idea of marriage.
“Hit me with it,” she said by way of greeting.
“What, no hello?”
“Come on, Emma.” Gina was sure if she had to wait another second, the anticipation might kill her. Whatever the answer here was, it would change her life.
“Reed and his lawyer want to meet today to talk about the judge’s suggestion. He’s offering so much more than we asked for and if we can hash this out together, you’ll be more likely to get what you want.”
“What do you mean?” That was when the knot tightened so hard she thought she was going to be sick. She knew somehow he was going to get his way or she was going to lose custody or something else awful. But she needed Emma to lay it out on the table for her.
“He’s agreed to the marriage. Coparenting, cohabitation... Because he’s being so generous, the judge will look more favorably on his requests. He’s got his lawyer setting up a trust for Amanda Jane and one for you—”
“I didn’t want a trust. I don’t want his money for myself. I can make my own.” She was horrified at the thought. Because she didn’t want his money for herself. She just wanted Amanda Jane to get what was hers. She just wanted her to be safe and secure. She didn’t need his money.
“You can. But he thinks that time would be better spent with Amanda Jane.”
“Excuse me, what?” She blinked.
“He wants you to quit both jobs and focus only on school and being a caregiver.”
Her first instinct was to rail against this. How dare he demand that of her? How dare he make the decision for her? He wasn’t a king on a golden throne. He didn’t get to dictate. But her reasons for fighting it would be simple pride. Deep down, she knew it would be better for her niece. But she couldn’t get past how much control that would give him. “And that leaves him holding the purse strings and us his puppets. He wants us totally dependent on him.”
That idea terrified her. She didn’t want anyone to have control over her. She had worked too long and too hard to pull herself up to suddenly throw herself on his mercy. To be legally and financially bound...
“I think that’s part of it, but you can’t deny it would be good for Amanda Jane.”
“I know that. But it won’t be good for me.”
“Won’t it?” Emma asked gently. “But he doesn’t need to know that. Just think about what it will mean to have an address on Knob Hill and his connections. How much faster you’ll get to medical school and the internships... Imagine what it will do for Amanda Jane. She’ll never be the kid no one wants to sit by, who gets picked last for teams, who has to rely on what she can scrape together for her lunch.”
Tears stung her eyes because that’s exactly what she feared it would be like for Amanda Jane, but she didn’t want to be dependent on Reed, either. What if he slipped back into old behaviors? What if he— She was afraid, not just of the possibility of him, but of herself.
What if she couldn’t handle raising Amanda Jane with him without falling for him? She was setting herself up for misery.
“Why don’t you think about it for a few hours? But we don’t have much time. Judge Gunderson wanted the prenup on her desk by next week.”
She thought about Reed again. The clash between them, but the pain underneath. “Let’s get it over with. Putting it off won’t make it any easier and frankly, with Crys gone and my lack of income, I’m afraid that he’ll take her away from me if we go to court.” She sighed. “At least this way, maybe I can get him to agree to some safeguards for my piece of mind.”
“I’ll tell Gray to come by my office at five. You be here now. Bring Amanda Jane with you and I’ll have Missy watch her.”
Missy was Emma’s secretary/assistant/friend who’d recently come through a horrible divorce from an even worse man and was trying to get back on her feet. She never felt as though she was doing enough to repay Emma for helping her, so she was always looking for extra duties and frequently offered to watch Amanda Jane. They were friends, and Missy never tried to correct Amanda Jane when she wanted her dolls to be firemen rather than beauty queens.
Gina agreed and hung up.
Then it hit her. This was happening. This was real.
That sounded so stupid when she stopped to think about it, but when she’d signed the paperwork to set all of this in motion, it had seemed like some diaphanous thing that wouldn’t have any more impact on her life than a changing breeze.
But it would.
It had.
She thought about him at that corner table in the Bullhorn. The restaurant she’d worked at since she was fourteen.
Gina remembered him coming in for scraps, hungry and tired. She’d snuck him the leftovers as best she could. Until the Old Man had caught her. Then she’d washed his car to pay for them. But that hadn’t mattered back then.
She smiled, thinking about how horrified Reed had been when he found out she’d had to pay for what he’d eaten and how he’d asked the Old Man for a job himself. And he’d done really well for about two years.
Until the drugs.
Her smile melted into a frown.
Gina wasn’t ready for this.
Amanda Jane looked up at her. “Gina-bee?”
She inhaled carefully, filling her lungs slowly, feeling them expand, and when she exhaled she tried to push all of her fear out with her breath. “You want to go visit Miss Emma?”
“Okay.” The girl cocked her head to the side. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m nervous.”
“About what?”
She didn’t want to tell her, but Gina didn’t really have a choice. Reed would want to see her. “About you meeting your daddy.”
Her eyes widened. “He wants to meet me?”
“I’m sure he will.”
“What if he doesn’t like me?” Her voice was suddenly as small as she was.
“Of course he’ll like you. What if you don’t like him?” Gina tapped her nose with the tip of her finger and Amanda Jane giggled. “Actually, I’m sure you’ll like each other fine.”
“What if we don’t?”
“What if you do?” She grinned. “Get ready. Bring your travel bag.”
Amanda Jane scurried off to do as Gina had told her. Sometimes Gina wished she could bottle that excess energy and borrow a little now and then. She yawned.
Soon, she wouldn’t have to work two jobs and go to school. She could just be with Amanda Jane and study.
The idea was so foreign...
And it wouldn’t just be with Amanda Jane, either.
It would be with Reed, as well.
She’d be his wife.
They’d been friends once, but she imagined this would be a cold marriage. One of separate rooms, separate lives.
This wasn’t at all what she’d imagined for herself. She thought someday, she’d find someone to love. Someone who’d love her.
She supposed she had that, only in a different way. She had Amanda Jane. This was about her, not Gina. She could do this for her.
CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_ae94aef8-18e8-5be4-94b0-fa915a7fbc69)
REED PANICKED.
Amanda Jane was his daughter.
What did he know about being a father? Nothing.
Reed had been so sure that when the paternity results came back before the hearing, it would solidify the foundations of his world, but instead, it had shattered them.
Not because he didn’t want Amanda Jane, but because he did. This was his secret hope and desire—part of it, anyway. Before things had gotten bad, he’d dreamed of a world where he had a family, a real family. Not just someone who got a check every month because she’d managed to bring him squalling into the world. Someone who loved him, wanted him for who he was.
But Gina wasn’t it. Maybe Amanda Jane was. Gina only wanted his money, and while he couldn’t blame her, it cut him. Because in his pretty fantasy world, Gina had been by his side.
His fingers curled into fists and he took a deep breath.
Why had he said he wanted to meet with Gina and her lawyer tonight?
Probably because he knew that he’d do this to himself. The sooner everything was set in stone, the harder it would be for him to screw it up.
He could do this.
He had to do this.
Reed changed into another suit and tie, the raiment almost like an armor. The expensive clothes shielded him from so many things, kept the boy who still feared he wasn’t good enough safe inside that money-green shell.
He met Gray in front of Emma’s office. A few kids sat on a park bench outside of the theater waiting for a ride, and the Corner Pharmacy’s light had just flickered off. Several couples filed out carrying to-go cups with their signature Green River—a soft drink much like a lime soda.
It was such a pretty veneer, this small town with its quaint bed-and-breakfasts, brick sidewalks and cheery Americana. He remembered how much he used to hate it. It had taken on some goliath proportions in his mind. He’d blamed the town itself for his predicament, as if it had been the town that had pushed him and his mother to the outside.
Not her own actions.
Or his.
Standing there, he realized that Gina had it just as bad as he had, but instead of letting that push her to the margins, she’d dug in her heels and made a place for herself.
A home.
He wanted that for himself and for Amanda Jane.
Reed exhaled heavily. He knew he’d do anything to have that, and to make sure Amanda Jane kept it.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, man.” Gray shook his head. “It’s like you were standing there lost in it.”
“I think maybe I was.”
“I can’t believe you grew up here.”
“Not in this part of town.” Reed managed a half smile.
“It must be cathartic to come back here and be able to buy the whole town if you chose.”
Reed considered. “I thought it would be, but it’s not. There’s something about Glory that can’t be bought. The people here, the town itself, has to give it to you.”
Gray arched a brow. “Yeah, I think I’ll stick with the big city, thanks.”
“Wait until you have some of the apple pie. You might change your mind,” Reed teased.
“Apple pie. That’s exactly what this place is like. Everywhere I look, it’s all wholesome sweetness. It doesn’t seem real.”
“It is and it isn’t.” Reed shrugged. “People here still have their problems. Everyone does. But they choose to insulate themselves with community.”
And that was what he’d hated most as a kid, that he was part of what they’d insulated themselves against. He took a deep breath, determined to get his head straight. He wasn’t that kid anymore and he wanted everyone to see it. Especially himself.
“You ready to go in or change your mind, Daddy-o?”
Reed shot him a dirty look, and Gray flashed him a smirk. He found comfort in that. While everything changed around him, Gray was still Gray. He still had Reed’s back. “I’m ready.”
He walked into the office and whatever he was expecting from Emma Grimes, this wasn’t it. The walls were all a dark, heavy blue, the furniture antique and cherry. The baseboards had been refinished to match. The tin tiles that had once been on the ceiling in this building had been replaced by a painted fresco, in the same dark colors. A night scene by the river and a woman in a ball gown. The ball gown seemed to meld into the river.
“Lovely, isn’t it?” Emma asked. “My assistant, Missy, painted it for me. If you’ll come this way.”
He noticed that while Emma was as pretty as she’d ever been, there was something delicate about her now. Something breakable. Maybe it was the way her short, pixie blond hair framed her face, or maybe it was the clothes she wore. Reed would bet it was all an act to lull her prey into submission.
He knew Emma would be a fierce opponent and from the way Gray watched her, it was obvious he knew it, too.
His gaze was drawn to Gina as soon as the door opened. She sat at a long table, her fingers clasped together, her knuckles white. She was as nervous as he was.
There was part of him that wanted to go to her, to embrace her and tell her that they’d figure this all out. That he didn’t want to hurt her and most of all, that she could trust him.
But he didn’t know if she could because he didn’t know if he could trust himself.
“Hi,” she said softly.
“Hi.”
Christ, it was as if they were in middle school and he was trying to hold her hand or something. But he guessed neither of them knew what to say.
Gray stepped in. “Thank you for agreeing to meet with us on such short notice. My client and I felt it would be best for everyone involved if we moved quickly.”
Reed sat down across from Gina and he was filled with so many questions, waves of different emotions.
“We did, as well.” Emma nodded. “We’ve considered your requests and we have some caveats of our own.”
“Being?” Gray raised a brow.
“My client is willing to marry, granted that she and the child each have their own room and—”
He didn’t hear the rest of what she said. Only that Gina was willing to marry him. It was a bittersweet feeling, until he heard “separate quarters and separate lives.” And then it was all pain. A sharp reminder that he’d never be anything more to her.
“There’s no way my client will or should have to agree to that. He’s an upstanding member of the business community and has a certain reputation to maintain.”
“Reputation? Everyone knows his backstory. It was in Finance Today. You can’t hide that now.”
“Hide it? We’re not trying to hide it. But it’s where he came from, not who he is now. That’s a hard no. We won’t negotiate on that.”
Emma smiled. “That’s fine. We’ve shown that we were willing to cooperate and now it’s you who won’t compromise. I expect a judge would hand down a ruling in our favor on this particular point.”
Gina had gone pale and her eyes were heavy and hooded. As if she knew this was going to be the sticking point.
“It’s fine,” he blurted.
“What?” Gray snapped.
“It’s fine. I’ll do it.”
“There is no way—”
“I said I’d do it, Gray. Move along.” He didn’t want to quantify his decision in front of everyone; it would be the same as admitting everything to them that he’d just admitted to himself.
“It seems my client is in a giving mood. What else do you want?”
“If you want Gina to quit her jobs, she needs a stipend that will cover her school and living expenses.”
“We already—”
“An account in only her name. Reed doesn’t get to control the purse strings.” Emma lifted her chin, daring him to argue that one.
Argue he did. “Why not? It’s his money.” Gray squared his jaw.
“And this is my client’s life,” Emma reminded them all.
“Fine. Whatever she wants,” Reed said, even though he hadn’t looked away from Gina and she had yet to look at him again.
“Reed!” Gray sounded like a scandalized maiden aunt. “I really have to advise against—” Gray sighed. “You do know you just wasted my retainer, right?”
“I don’t care. Give her whatever she wants.” His eyes raked over her as intense as any touch, though his fingers itched for a physical connection.
“Good. I have a revised version of the paperwork right here.” Emma rustled some papers.
“But I want you to look at me, Gina.” Reed had to see her eyes. She could never hide her feelings. They were always so obvious in her expression.
Gina swallowed hard and raised her head as if all the weight of the world bore down on her.
He could see her fear, her hesitation, the almost cruel hope that lurked there, so he knew she was feeling much the same as he was.
“Yes.” He nodded. “Whatever she needs to feel safe, for both her and Amanda Jane.” Reed knew it was a weakness, but he’d do anything to get that look off her face. To know that he didn’t cause the fear in her heart.
“Me?” A small face peered around the corner of the door. “Is it my turn to come in, Gina-bee?”
Reed almost choked on the strange knot in his throat. “You brought her?”
“What else was I going to do with her?” Gina said quietly. “I thought you’d be anxious to meet her.”
It was his turn to look away, to be unable to meet Gina’s eyes, or Amanda Jane’s. He’d seen his daughter from a distance at the Bullhorn, but the prospect hadn’t been expressly real.
Nothing had ever made him feel as unworthy as he did in that very moment—and that was really saying something. Reed was reminded every day with a certain clarity that he didn’t deserve all the things he had, and that he didn’t belong.
But there was such a purity in a child’s eyes...specifically her eyes, that he couldn’t stand to be the one to break it.
Gina took pity on him. “No, Amanda Jane. It’s not your turn.”
“But I’ll be good.” Her little voice was full of hope.
“Yes, you’re always very good. So you can stay up very late tonight and then it will be your turn.”
The door clicked shut softly.
“Even if you’re not ready to meet her, she’s ready to meet you. You can meet us at the house tonight. Seven Sisters Road off Highway 5. Only house on the block.”
The part of him that was still a child himself wanted to run. He could just write her a check and he’d never have to face the scorching hope in that child’s face again. That was all she wanted from him, anyway.
For one horrible moment, he wondered what it would be like to have one moment of relief from this pain. Numbing this terror. He knew just what would do that for him, but he pushed it out of his head. He was afraid, but he didn’t want the numbness, not really. He just didn’t want to feel unworthy and he wouldn’t give those feelings validation by making them true, by making himself unworthy.
He wasn’t a boy. He wasn’t a child. He was a man. He’d reached for what he wanted with both hands and he’d gotten it. Now it was his job to protect it.
He nodded. “Thank you, Gina.”
She picked up the pen and with a heavy exhale, she scrawled her name and walked out of the room.
When he picked up the pen, it was still warm from her touch. He signed his name next to hers and with every stroke of ink on the page, he felt more confident about his decision.
Gray, however, wasn’t as sure.
As they walked out he said, “If you were going to let them ream you, why did you bother to call me?”
“I honestly don’t know. But I did the right thing.” He was resolute in that knowledge.
“Did you even read it? Did you know you’re paying for medical school?”
“I don’t care. I have it.” Reed shrugged. At the expression on Gray’s face, he added, “Things were different for us as kids.”
“This is the junkie’s sister? How do you know she’s not using?”
“Gina? Never. Not in a million years.” After setting eyes on her again, he knew that as sure as he knew he was breathing.
“This is going to end badly. I can see the explosions from here. This woman is going to take you for everything you’ve got.” He shook his head. “Do you want me to come with you tonight?” Gray asked, in a low tone, almost like he was telling a secret.
“To meet my daughter?” He shook his head. “No.”
“Why didn’t you meet her inside?”
“It just wasn’t right.” He was too afraid, the idea now a reality that scared the shit out of him. And Amanda Jane deserved better than his fear. She didn’t ask to come into the world. Didn’t ask for him to be her father. Didn’t ask for the hand she’d been dealt.
“I get that, man. I really do.” Gray clapped him on the back. “If you don’t need anything else, brother, I’m going to head back to the city.”
“No, I’m good. Thanks.” He supposed he was good—this was as good as it ever got for Reed Hollingsworth.
CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_98be6dc4-8281-5695-83ef-068bff712dc7)
“ARE YOU READY to get married yet?” Grams said into the phone when she answered it.
“No.” She didn’t bother to tell her grandmother about the meeting at Emma’s office. She probably already knew.
“That’s not what Marie Hart said. She told me that she saw you and Reed and his lawyer at Emma’s. Were you playing pinochle or planning your wedding?” Her grandmother seemed to think pinochle figured into everything.
She sighed with only the smallest bit of exasperation. “If you already knew, why did you ask?”
“Because you didn’t call me. Why don’t you bring Amanda Jane over and we’ll watch some movies, have popcorn, and maybe I’ll even bake cookies.”
“Reed’s coming over tonight.”
“Oh! Call me later.” Her grandmother hung up before she could say anything else.
She shook her head. Maudine had her cell phone attached to her head just like any teenager. Sometimes Gina felt as if she was the old woman and Maudine the grandchild, but only in the vaguest sense.
Gina suddenly had a craving for that ribbon candy. It reminded her of being a child, when things were good. When they were easy.
It had been strange to be sitting across from Reed in a conference room in Emma Grimes’s office.
Strange wasn’t the right word. Utterly insane might be a better description.
He’d switched faces again so easily it was hard to tell which one was real. The Reed who sat in front of her was the investment genius who got everything he wanted no matter who he had to crush to get it. This suit he wore looked like it cost more than a semester of her tuition. And he wanted her to know it.
She didn’t want to look at him like this, but she knew she should be grateful for the reminder. He could never be just Reed again.
Gina thought he’d been there to crush her, to take everything from her, but instead, he’d only given. He’d agreed to everything she wanted. His shark lawyer could’ve made this so hard, but it seemed like all he wanted was exactly what he said—to be a good parent. Giving her and Amanda Jane safety and security.
That wasn’t something she’d ever felt as though she had, so she didn’t quite know what to do with it. She wondered if he felt the same way or if he’d taken to his new life without ever looking back? She imagined the latter. She had to say if she was in his shoes, she’d do the same. She knew she was lucky to have had Maudine.
God, why had she invited him out to the house?
He’d be here any minute.
What was she thinking?
Well, besides that this was going to crash and burn? She sighed. This was the right thing to do. Not just for the financial support, but so that Amanda Jane never doubted she was loved, or that there were people in the world who wanted her. Who would keep her safe.
Gina took a deep breath. This was going to be her life. She might as well start getting used to it.
“Gina, my braids are too tight.” Amanda Jane squirmed underneath her hand.
“Sorry.” She loosened the length of woven hair. “He’s going to be here soon. And I know you won’t sit still then. Your hair won’t tangle if we do it before you sleep.”
“I like his face,” she said solemnly.
That was good because she looked just like him. Gina smiled at her. “Go on now.”
“I think you like his face, too. You get this funny expression when you look at him.”
She’d have to be more careful. “I do like his face.” Gina liked a lot more than his face. “We were friends a long time ago before you were born.”
“Do you think it’s true that he just didn’t want to be a daddy?” Amanda Jane cast her eyes down at her bare feet and wiggled her toes.
Gina didn’t want to lie to her, but she didn’t know the truth. “I don’t know, honey. But I can tell you that sometimes people make mistakes and we have to forgive them when they’re really sorry.”
“Do you think he likes my face?” Amanda Jane tilted her head up.
“How could anyone not like your face?”
She smiled. “You’re supposed to say that.”
“Yes, I am. But do you remember when I promised I’d always tell you the truth?”
“Even if I was ugly like Liza McCaully?”
Gina had to put her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. “That’s not nice.”
“It’s not nice, but it’s true.” Amanda Jane nodded, her face serious.
“You can speak the truth without being mean, but yes, I would tell you the truth.”
Amanda Jane stuffed her feet into her slippers. “Okay, but now it’s time for you to get ready.”
“I am ready.”
Amanda Jane shook her head. “Your jeans have a hole.” She stuck her finger in the hole and tickled Gina’s knee.
Gina squealed and grabbed her niece, tickling her in return. Amanda Jane giggled while she struggled to free herself.
“Did you brush your teeth?”
She nodded. “Did you brush yours?”
Gina found the tension draining out of her. “It’s not my bedtime yet.”
“No, but we should be pretty. You always told me when we meet new people we should smell good.”
“I’m brushing everything. Hair. Teeth.” She puckered her lips. “Mustache.”
Amanda Jane giggled. “Eww. Girls don’t have mustaches.”
“Some do, but that’s what laser hair removal is for.”
Amanda Jane nodded sagely as if she were the one handing out the advice.
Gina was brushing her hair when the screen door rattled against the framing under a heavy knock.
Amanda Jane squealed and her blue eyes lit up. “He’s here.”
Her heart ached for her. This was all so bittersweet.
Reed stood haloed in the yellow light as it cast bright warmth over the hard planes of his features. Her eyes were drawn to the square angles of his wide shoulders and the way the sleeves of his polo shirt stretched over his biceps.
Gina tried not to notice everything about him that turned her on because he wasn’t here for her. None of this was about her.
Even though her mouth had gone dry and the words she had died in her throat.
“Hey.”
It was such a simple word. He’d said it to her a million times, but this time it was devastating. Both because it was a reminder of times past and while it was spoken in his voice, her attention was once again drawn back to his body.
That and time had made him a stranger.
“Hey, yourself.” Also something she’d said a million times. It was strange and awkward.
“Come in? Apparently I need to change clothes. I have a hole in my jeans,” she babbled.
Ugh. She hated babbling. Men didn’t make her babble. She didn’t have time or room in her life to be a silly girl over any guy, especially not Amanda Jane’s father. Gina decided polo shirts were the devil. It was the shirt’s fault.
He nodded and stepped inside.
Amanda Jane tilted her head back to look up at him. He must seem like a giant to her.
That twisted something deep in her guts. That’s what a father should be. Every child should think that their father was some kind of invincible hero. She used to daydream about her own when she was little. Gina imagined him to be tall and strong and that her mother had somehow hidden them from him; that’s why he hadn’t come to rescue them.
But as she’d grown older, she’d realized it was just a fairy tale like any other and had no place in the realities of her life.
Inside, his presence was even more disconcerting. She hadn’t noticed it at the restaurant or in Emma’s office because it was filled with other people, but alone together, he dominated the space. He made her feel small and vulnerable without even trying.
Unfortunately, she was both intrigued and uncomfortable. It would all be so much easier to bear if she could get away from the intrigued part.
They eyed each other, both seeming to be wary, but unsure how to proceed.
“Hi.” Amanda Jane made her presence known.
Reed smiled at her, a genuine expression that completely changed his face. He wasn’t just the cute boy she’d crushed on. She was very aware that he was a man—a handsome, powerful man.
Not that it mattered. She tried to push her brain into EMT mode—where she looked at bodies clinically. Yet, there was still nothing clinical about her reaction to him.
“Gina-bee said you’re my daddy.”
Gina waited to see what he would say.
He nodded. “I am. Is that okay?”
“I think so. I like your face,” Amanda Jane confessed without the slightest bit of hesitation.
He sank down to his haunches, eye level with her. “I like your face, too.”
Gina was suddenly hyperaware of the house, the shabby state of things. She looked around the small farmhouse. She’d been happy here, but now that he was coming, Gina found it lacking. She saw every flaw in the molding, the tears in the screen on the front porch, the dilapidated fence posts, the scratches on the wood floors...
But this was also where Amanda Jane learned to crawl, the front yard was where she made mud pies, and those tears in the screens were from the feral cats she always left food and water for.
Even though it was a rental, so much of their lives were entwined in the place and if Reed didn’t like it, she didn’t care.
He came from worse than this and she wouldn’t dare let him judge her.
More important, she wouldn’t judge herself.
“Gina-bee said you would.”
“She knows me pretty well sometimes.”
Amanda Jane nodded solemnly. “She knows most everything.”
Gina blushed. “Not everything.”
Reed looked up at her. “Probably everything.”
Amanda Jane yawned. “You should have come earlier. Then you could read me a story.”
“I could read you one now,” he offered.
“Oh, no. I’ll get too excited and I won’t sleep. Story before bath. You could come tomorrow.” Amanda Jane looked down at her toes. “If you wanted to.”
Gina sighed. “I thought tomorrow was our day.”
“Please?”
“Honey, he might be busy. We’ll see, okay?” Gina didn’t want her to get her hopes up, didn’t want her to get too excited about something that might not happen.
Amanda Jane looked up at him and mouthed Frogfest.
Frogfest dated back to the first settlers in the area when masses of frogs would converge on the riverbank and low marshy areas around the river to mate and they’d sing a lively tune long into the night. If times had been lean, the frogs provided much needed sustenance during hardship. Although, the modern celebrations didn’t include as many frog dishes, but for the occasional vendors selling deep-fried frog legs.
Gina found herself inviting him along. She couldn’t resist the absolute joy on the girl’s face and they needed to get used to each other—Amanda Jane and Reed. It wouldn’t work if they were just suddenly flung into the same household.
“You could come.”
“I’d like that.”
They’d be playing happy little family. She wondered if there’d ever been a bigger lie.
“Good night,” the little girl chirped.
“Where are you going? I thought you wanted to stay up to meet him?” Gina asked, wondering if there was something wrong.
“The sooner I go to bed, the sooner it’s tomorrow. Frogfest. Funnel cake.”
“Funnel cake with frogs?” Reed teased her.
“That doesn’t sound good.”
“I don’t think so, either.” He shook his head.
“You should have tea on the porch. It’s my favorite thing to do at night.”
“You could come outside with us.”
“No. Frogfest,” she reiterated, as if he and Gina didn’t understand the importance of the word. “Can I have your phone to play a game before sleep?”
“Sure, honey.”
She ran off, taking Gina’s phone with her, presumably to bed.
“She doesn’t hesitate to ask for what she wants, does she?” Reed said as he watched after her.
“Emotionally, she doesn’t.” Having gone without as a child and been afraid to ask for anything, she didn’t want Amanda Jane to ever feel that way. She thought about her earlier observations, but she decided she didn’t need to drive the financial point home any harder. He got it. He understood. And he’d given her everything she asked for.
“That’s good.” Reed’s voice was brittle.
She swallowed hard. “Do you want a sweet tea? We can drink it on the porch.”
“Sure,” he agreed.
Gina poured him a glass of tea and they stepped back out into the night. She lit a citronella candle, happy to have something to do with her hands.
He seemed so out of place sitting there in her secondhand rocking chair in his khakis, his polo shirt and his expensive haircut.
She looked back out into the yard, the symphony song of frogs down by the pond serenading them and the flickering dance of fireflies in the dark space.
“You remember when we’d climb up on the roof of my mom’s trailer and hide?” he said, finally.
“Like they couldn’t hear us stomping around up there.”
“Or didn’t care.” Reed shrugged. “Still, those were the only moments of peace I knew then.”
“Do remember that trip to the Lake of the Ozarks?” Gina blurted.
Reed gave a self-deprecating laugh. “Yeah. That guy who had that houseboat...he was one guy my mother hooked up with who wasn’t a total scumbag. Too bad she was so far gone when she met him. Things might have been different. It’s kind of strange to know that she’s that woman for him, you know?”
“Like how all the guys besides him were that guy for you? The ones you thought were trash?”
She watched his face pale.
“I didn’t mean—”
He held up his hand. “No, it’s okay. I loved my mother, but that’s what we were.” He shrugged. “She managed to hold it together long enough to reel him in, but then when he saw what was underneath, he didn’t want any part of it. But who in their right mind would?”
“Still, it was a good trip, wasn’t it?”
“One of the best times in my life. One of the only good times I can remember.”
“I know it was for Crystal, too.” She hadn’t meant to bring up her sister. Gina wasn’t ready to talk about her, even though she knew at some point, they’d have to.
“What about you? Was it a good time for you, too?”
“I thought it was kind of a trick when we were invited along. It was one of the last good times my mother had, too. Even though I know we were just invited to keep you out of her hair, I’ll always be grateful for that trip.”
“You’re talking about everyone else but you, Gina. Is that what it’s like for you still? Always thinking of everyone else?”
His question was so pointed that it was sharp. She didn’t want to think about that; she didn’t want to be any more vulnerable than she already was. But either choice here left her open to his blades. She remembered the last night out on the water.
“It was one of the best for me, too. That’s why I brought it up.” She exhaled heavily and took a sip of her tea, the sweet tang of it on her tongue making the memory even more vivid.
“The sweet tea,” he said as soon as she thought it. Like he knew what she was thinking. “You made a jar of it. That last night, when we were lying on the deck listening to the loons.”
“Trying to see the stars but it was too cloudy.” She remembered thinking that maybe that night was the one. The one where he’d realize she was alive. That she was a woman.
That he wanted her.
“Talking about how it would be to stay there forever?”
She sighed at the memory. “Yeah. We thought that was some kind of huge dream to have a houseboat there. Or even a little cabin. It was our own nirvana, you and me.”
“Crystal always wanted the big city. She wanted lights and people. She wanted the rush, and all we could talk about was sweet tea and fireflies.”
“That made her so mad.”
“So mad she spent the night with one of the local boys. Your mother was so mad at her that we left an hour late because she wasn’t home yet.”
“I was okay with it. I wanted to stay as long as was humanly possible.” Gina laughed at herself.
“I thought my world was going to change that night. I thought we were finally through the dark,” he confessed, looking out into the darkness rather than at her.
She thought that for herself as well, but it hadn’t happened. “I’m sorry it didn’t.”
“I used to be sorry. But if it had, I don’t know where I’d be. I like who I am now.”
She exhaled. “Can I be honest?”
“That’s preferred,” he said drily.
Walking down memory lane with him was bittersweet, but it wasn’t the past she was worried about. It was their future together. Gina decided to be honest. “I’m glad you like who you are now, but that’s someone I don’t think I know. I’m not sure what to do here.”
“Me, either.” The air between them hung heavy and strange. He took the plunge first. “So today didn’t go as I’d imagined it.”
“And how did you imagine it?” She wondered if he’d ever had the same thoughts about her as she did about him, but then she dismissed the idea before it could take root. Before it could make this any more awkward than it already was.
“I don’t know. But not as it went.” A genuine grin curled at the edge of his mouth.
It’d be hard to deny him anything with him flashing that grin around. That was a glimpse of the boy she’d known and it was even more endearing on the man he’d become.
“I wasn’t trying to keep you from her.” That was as close to a peace offering as she could manage.
“Deep down, I know that.” He didn’t speak for a long moment and the creaking of the rocking chair against the floorboards echoed with all the force of a gunshot. “But you still have to meet me halfway.”
She was torn between being glad he was willing to do that and angry that he could just decide to buy a house because he felt like it and she was working two jobs and going to school trying to raise his daughter.
Worse, if she lived in the same house with him, married to him, how would she hide her attraction to him?
Gina had to remind herself that this wasn’t about her. It was about what was best for Amanda Jane. It had never been hard to do things for her. There had never been any question that she’d take her discharge from the army when her two years was up, knowing that Amanda Jane needed her. She knew that would make it harder to go to medical school. Harder to do everything, but it had been no sacrifice.
Living under the same roof with Reed Hollingsworth? Torture.
“I don’t know. We may not have the best life, but I like this house. I love that she can run and play here. I like that I can point to a place in the backyard and say that’s where she smelled her first flower.”
“But this isn’t yours. Not really. Wouldn’t you rather live somewhere that will one day belong to her? Where she can look at a chair in the corner and say that’s where Gina-bee used to read me stories. This is where my dad taught me to ride a bike. God, Gina. If we do this right, we can give her everything that we never had.”
All of her protestations died on her tongue. She’d been about to defend herself, the home she’d provided for Amanda Jane, but she realized he wasn’t saying it wasn’t good enough. He was saying they could do even better together. He didn’t say “I can give her...” he’d said we.
He had this way of speaking that made her imagine picket fences, family picnics and happily-ever-after. She had to keep herself grounded. There was no relationship between them. He just wanted a chance to raise his daughter.
She hurried to add, “I just don’t see how this will work.”
“I’m not under any illusion that this will be easy. There will be a lot of compromise for both of us.”
“I’ll be honest, I’m terrified of moving in with you. I’m terrified that you’ll try to control us with the money. I’m terrified...” She didn’t say the rest of what she was feeling. It was too much.
“I’m terrified, too,” he confessed.
That was when his warm, strong fingers closed around hers.
“But everything is going to be okay, Gina.”
This wasn’t exactly what she’d pictured when she imagined one day holding hands with Reed Hollingsworth, but it wasn’t bad. Maybe it was better than what she thought she wanted.
The gesture was meant to comfort her, reassure her.
And strangely, it did. She’d felt so alone while going through this, and realizing that he had doubts and fears didn’t make her position less secure, but more. To her, it meant that he’d thought about the realities of their situation, but he still wanted to try.
He believed he knew what he was in for.
She held his hand in silence for a long time into the quiet night.
CHAPTER SIX (#ulink_f4da7802-6466-5524-9851-291fae62a1b4)
“AMANDA JANE TEXTED to tell me that Operation Frogfest is a go.” Maudine Townsend put her phone down next to her stack of poker chips.
“Frankly, Maudy, I’m surprised.” Helga pushed her chips around. “You know, if this little plot of yours doesn’t work, we’re going to have to give up our Friday nights. At least until after the case.”
“You know, I’m actually surprised that Reed’s lawyer didn’t ask for another judge.”
Helga shrugged. “He probably figures that you know everyone.”
“Or he’s plotting something.” Maudine’s eyes narrowed further.
“Not everyone’s brain works like yours, Maudy.”
“Yes, it does. Don’t tell me you’re not curious.”
“Actually, I think since we’re here, we could work on Marie. She’s too young to be a Glory Grandmother.”
“She’s very good at what she does. Her tiramisu is to die for. And that cute little bed-and-breakfast for romantic hideaways? It’s perfect. She has a sense about people who belong together.”
“She does,” Helga agreed. “But her husband has been dead a long time. Her son, Johnny, is grown and Marie is too young to spend the rest of her life alone.”
“Maybe she doesn’t want to be with anyone else. After mine died, well...I’m done with that.”
“Marie is only forty-five. It’s too young to dry up and be the cranky old Italian grandmother. All of her friends are...us.”
“There’s nothing wrong with us.”
“Except that we’re sitting in my basement, drinking Herb’s beer and playing poker. But we lie and tell everyone we’re playing pinochle and sipping tea like the old broads we are.”
Maudine sniffed. “I am not an old broad.”
“You most certainly are. But it’s okay. We play cupid rather well.” Helga shifted her cards.
Maudine’s phone beeped. “Another text. They’re on the porch drinking sweet tea and holding hands. Everything is coming together.” She sounded like some kind of movie villain.
“Tell that child to get in bed.”
“She is.”
“You know what I mean.” Helga nodded. “And are we matchmaking or playing poker because I’m about ready to beat you.”
“I know. Which is why the matchmaking is so much more fun.” Maudine sighed.
“You’re a sore loser, Maudine.”
“I never lose when it counts.” Maudine grinned.
“This is like herding cats. I give up.”
“You fold? I win.” Maudine looked very pleased with herself.
“No, you don’t, you old bat. But what are we doing? I don’t have that paperwork on my desk yet.”
“You will. Tomorrow, we’re going to shove them together every chance we get.” Maudine started putting the cards away. “Frogfest is magical.”
“Not for the frogs,” Helga offered helpfully.
Maudine growled.
“Look, I just don’t understand why you think they need to get married. Gina has her whole life to decide.”
“But I don’t have mine.”
Helga narrowed her eyes. “Yes, you did. You made your choices and now you’ve got to let her make hers.”
“But they’re all wrong.” Maudine huffed.
“So were yours when you made them. So were mine. And we turned out fine.”
Maudine raised a brow. “Maybe so. But I’ve already lost a granddaughter, the daughter I never had, and my son...who knows. Gina and Amanda Jane have known so much pain and so much loss. So has Reed. I didn’t do right by that boy. But I am now and you’re going to help me.”
Helga harrumphed. “You say that like I haven’t been part of every scheme that’s hatched in your head like a goose egg since we were babies.”
Maudine returned the harrumph, with interest. “You don’t seem like you’re on board.”
“I am on board. With Gina’s happiness, not your idea of what it should be. That’s for the girl to decide.”
“Youth is utterly wasted on the young.” Maudine shook her head.
“That’s kind of the beauty of it, don’t you think?”
“No.”
Helga laughed. “She will find her way, Maud.”
“Maybe. But we need to help her at least see the path.”
“Okay. How do you propose we help her see the path? I mean, we’ve practically shoved her nose in it.”
“Well, I haven’t gotten that far. At least not past Frogfest.” She shifted in her seat.
Helga laughed. “Then I suppose we’d better get to plotting, but first, you’re going to tell me how you are.” She held up her hand. “How you really are. Not what you want everyone else to think.”
Maudine shifted in her chair a bit. “Some days are better than others. I’ve had my last chemo treatment, but I still feel like refried turds. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
“Yes.” Helga grinned. “Because I want you to be honest with yourself and me. I don’t care about everyone else. But this? You’re my best friend and you didn’t have to do this alone.”
“I did.” She nodded. “Because if you were there? I wouldn’t have had any courage at all. I’d have leaned on you too much.”
“I could handle it.”
“But I couldn’t, Helga. It was easier to be strong if I knew I had to, if that makes sense.”
Helga nodded. “I suppose it does. But I still think you should tell Gina.”
“And put more on her shoulders?”
“Wouldn’t you want to know if your positions were reversed?”
“Stop playing devil’s advocate. This isn’t the courtroom. It’s my granddaughter’s and great-granddaughter’s lives.”
“Exactly my point, Maudy.” Helga gave her a disapproving look.
“Yes, fine. I’d like to know if our situations were reversed. But that’s the luxury of being a grandmother.” Then Maudine wilted in her chair. “She’s had enough to deal with, and I should’ve done more when she was younger. I feel like I failed her. I failed Crystal. If I’d—”
“If you’d what, Maudine?” Helga interrupted. “What exactly was there you could’ve done to save Crystal when she didn’t want to be saved? I know this is hard to hear, but you can’t help someone who doesn’t want it. You did everything you could.”
“No. I didn’t.” She shook her head, guilt weighing down on her shoulders. “If I’d been a better mother, maybe my son wouldn’t have left his wife. Maybe then, his wife would’ve had insurance and maybe she would’ve had a shot at beating this same cancer.”
“Oh, honey.” Helga’s eyes watered in a rare show of emotion. “I see kids in my courtroom all the time who wouldn’t be in the trouble they’re in if they had parents who cared. And I see kids who have parents who’ve done everything humanly possible and their kids are still in trouble. I can tell you, you’ve done all you could do.” Helga straightened. “You know if I thought you’d fallen down on the job at any time, you’d have gotten an earful from me. Friendship does not rose-colored glasses make. At least not for me.”
Maudine sniffed, her own eyes watering because she knew it to be true. “Thank you.”
“Now are we going to plot or finish up this hand?”
“We’re going to plot, of course.” Maudine sat up straighter. “Frogfest is going to be the perfect time to push them together. To make them both see what a perfect little family they’ll make.”
CHAPTER SEVEN (#ulink_b169d6cc-db9f-58f9-8ccc-73724bc599dd)
REED FOUND HIMSELF facing the mirror in the bathroom, the harsh lights illuminating all the dark things he’d been trying to hide.
He looked into his own eyes and he reassured himself that he liked what he saw there. Even though there was that part of him that was afraid someone would wake up and realize he wasn’t allowed to be this person—that he’d snuck through some invisible barrier to success and they’d kick him back to his rightful side—he knew that wasn’t the case.
Reed had worked so hard to get where he was. No matter what that voice in his head told him, he wasn’t an imposter. He’d put in the work. He’d earned his place. He’d taught himself the stock market, began with penny stocks until he’d graduated to blue chip stocks, then he’d cashed in some of those and started buying up struggling companies and forming them into something new, something viable, and selling them for a profit.
He also knew that life was full of success and full of failures and he had to choose each day which thing he was going to focus on.
He reiterated all of the things he was thankful for to himself. This was his coping mechanism. Then he tucked it away deep down where no one could see it but him. It was almost a kind of armor that shielded him from the inside out.
Frogfest. He scrubbed his hand over his face. He hadn’t thought about that in a long time. Glory was full of small festivals that brought people from the surrounding cities in for little weekend getaways and brought in tourist money. There was something planned every couple of weeks and for the big holidays, the whole town got involved. It was genius marketing, really.
As a kid, Frogfest had been his favorite, as well. Sippin’ Cider Days was the least because it meant it was time to go back to school and he’d never had any money for anything. Frogfest was the last time he’d been with his mother when she was sober. She’d bought him a frog plush and promised him that things would be better.
And he’d believed her. He’d clung to that round-eyed, happy-faced stuffed animal every night before he went to sleep like it was some kind of talisman that could force her to keep her word. For a while, it seemed like it had.
Until Walter.
Walter had been the beginning of the end for his mother and for him.
He shoved those thoughts out of his head. They didn’t matter. They were in the past and Reed wouldn’t live in the past. He lived in the ever better, shinier future where things were still made of unfired clay and could be remolded over and over again until Reed had what he wanted.
Panic clutched at his throat. A sudden fear that everyone would know he was faking it—faking success, faking being a whole person. All the expensive cologne and hand-tailored suits in the world couldn’t hide it.
He exhaled, thinking about all the things he could do to quiet that voice in his head.
But none of them were acceptable, none of them were any action he’d ever take again. All he could do was let these feelings run their course.
Reed promised Gina everything would be okay, and it would.
If for no other reason than Amanda Jane.
He didn’t think it was possible to feel such an immediate, overwhelming connection to another human being. Reed thought that it would take time to get to know her; that he’d have to sort of fall into feeling like a father. Grow to love her.
The ferocity of emotion that raged in his chest like a lion was instant and eternal. He’d live for her, die for her and everything in between.
But it also made him wonder what was really wrong with him that his own mother hadn’t felt that way about him. Why hadn’t he inspired such devotion? Was he defective somehow and would that defect burrow into his relationship with his own daughter?
Again, he shoved those thoughts down deep where no one could see them. His life and the life he wanted to give Amanda Jane was going to be about fulfilling her needs, not thinking about his own that went unanswered.
There was no changing the past, only living in the present.
I like your face.
He supposed that was good, because upon close inspection, she did look very much like him.
His brain turned all of these things over again and again, like a cement mixer—combining these thoughts in on themselves, keeping them fluid as he drove back to the small farmhouse on Seven Sisters Road.
He knew Gina wanted to stay there, but even in a small town like Glory, your address mattered.
Amanda Jane waited on the porch, legs swinging and ponytail bouncing in one of the rocking chairs. The door was open and Gina pushed through, handing Amanda Jane a picnic basket and a tote bag while she closed and secured the door. He was glad she’d never fallen into the habit of a lot of residents of the town, especially the ones who lived out in the country, who never locked their doors.
Gina wore another pair of those pants with the pockets and his line of sight was immediately drawn to the flare of her hips and the round curve of her ass.
He was so taken by that dangerous curve that he drove over a garden gnome that stood so brave and welcoming near the gravel drive.
Reed swore and hoped mightily that it wasn’t something Amanda Jane had any overwhelming attachment to.
And at the sound coming from his put-upon Audi, he realized they were going to be a little late to Frogfest.
This was the universe reminding him to keep his mind on his daughter, not on Gina. Message received, loud and clear.
Gina ran to the car. “Are you okay? What happened?”
“I think your garden gnome tried to kill me.”
The car made an unhappy sound and he switched off the ignition.
“Guess I’m driving.” She grinned.
“That wasn’t...anything special, was it?”
“No. Just something that was in the yard when we moved in. The previous renters left it. Although, Amanda Jane might make you have a funeral for him. His name was Bostwick. She broke his brother, Fenwick, last week.”
A funeral, for a garden gnome? If that’s what she wanted, he’d do it.
It must have shown on his face. “Look, um...I hope it’s okay, but I don’t want you to spend a lot of money on her today.”
“Why not?” He’d planned to do just that. He wanted to spoil her rotten.
“She worked for her spending money. Even for her tickets to the rides. She weeded the garden, kept her room clean. I want her to enjoy spending what she earned and I want her to understand how far her money will go. And I want her to know that if she can’t have something because she doesn’t have the money, that’s okay, too.”
It made sense to him. He didn’t like it, but he understood. “I understand, I do. But you have to understand that there is going to be a bit of spoiling going on in the near future and yours isn’t the final say.”
“And yours is?” Her tone wasn’t confrontational.
Or at least he didn’t think it was. The T-shirt she wore clung much too tightly to her breasts for him to think clearly. “No, we’ll have to compromise.”
“So neither one of us will get our way is what you’re saying.”
“Basically.”
She laughed. “I guess I can live with that. So, do you mind riding to Frogfest in Bill?” She pointed to her tiny, aged Kia.
“Are we taking the KiaPet? I wanted to ride with Daddy,” Amanda Jane said without any hint of a pout in her voice.
“Daddy is riding in the KiaPet, too.”
Daddy.
They meant him. He was Daddy.
That was still quite something for him to wrap his head around. There was so much hope and expectation wrapped up in that one word. Not just Amanda Jane’s, but his own. He’d never expected to wear that title and now that it was his, he didn’t want to screw it up. He didn’t want to be anything like his father. Or Gina’s father. He had this fey vision of himself that he knew wasn’t real. Couldn’t be. No one could be all the things he wanted to be.
“Aren’t you?” Gina prompted.
“Yeah.” He nodded and followed her to the car. He’d worry about fixing his later. It’d give him an excuse to spend more time with them—if he needed one.
Bless you, Bostwick, he thought to himself. He’d given his life for a good cause.
With Amanda Jane buckled in her car seat in the back, and all of Gina’s bags loaded into the trunk, they headed toward Riverfront Park and Frogfest.
The whole town had come out for the festivities as they always did with every fair or festival. At the first strains of the carousel music, Amanda Jane’s energy was practically frenetic. Or maybe that was Reed himself? He suddenly found that being here with Amanda Jane brought back all of his childhood joy at the prospect of Frogfest. The park had been closed off and the entry gate had been made up to look like a giant bullfrog head.
Activities had been divided up into things for older kids, like the octopus ride, and the ball pit and inflatables were for younger kids.
“She’ll bounce in the inflatable for a good hour and a half.” Gina smiled.
Then, he saw the kissing booth.
That brought back a lot of memories.
Crystal, Amanda Jane’s mother and Gina’s sister, had worked the booth one Frogfest and it had been the first time he’d kissed her. So many memories in this place.
Gina followed his gaze and said, “Oh, lord. Look who’s behind the booth.”
It was Gina’s lawyer, Emma. She headed over to the booth, laughing as she went. “What are you doing?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I lost a bet.” She scowled, obviously unhappy to be there.
“That’s not a very kissable expression on your face.” Reed threw in his two cents. It wasn’t just unkissable, she looked downright hostile.
“It’s not supposed to be. If I don’t look kissable, no one will kiss me, right?”
“Isn’t this to raise money for the hospital auxiliary?” he asked.
“Yes, and they can damn well get someone else if they want to make any money.”
The jar was abysmally empty. Reed dug a five out of his wallet and stuffed it in the jar.
“Buddy, I hope you’re paying me not to kiss you.” Then her eyes narrowed. “Gina can handle my light work.”
He looked at Gina and her eyes had widened so far that she looked like a small animal in the glare of an oncoming truck.
If she’d been any other girl but Gina Townsend, he would’ve taken her up on Emma’s offer and kissed her senseless. Because he didn’t care about kissing any other girl but Gina. But he wanted to kiss Gina more than he was comfortable admitting.
“I paid you, Frog Lady.”
“I hope you don’t think I’ll turn into a princess.”
He smirked, but instead of kissing her grudgingly proffered cheek, he took her hand and kissed it like a gentleman from days of yore.
Emma blushed, all of her prickly demeanor gone. “You, sir, are dangerous.”
“No, no, no. That’s all wrong,” Amanda Jane said. She pointed at Reed and then at Gina. “You are supposed to kiss her. And she will turn into a princess. I know these things. Grammie told me.”
Gina was the first to respond. “Nope. I’ve got both my shoes.”
“You’re confusing fairy tales again, Gina-bee.” Amanda Jane didn’t seem amused. “Do it correctly, please.”
He loved that she was like a mini-adult. She was so polite, but knew exactly what she wanted and how things were to be done. She would find that frustrating as she grew up, but it would also serve her well. She reminded Reed a lot of what Gina had been like as a child. She’d had this amazing intellect that had been completely wasted on those around her. Even him.
“Correctly? I’m too old to be a princess. You, on the other hand, are just right.”
“She can be queen and me the princess?” She seemed to consider the scenario for a minute. “I suppose that could work.” Amanda Jane still sounded doubtful.
Reed knelt down and embraced her carefully, giving the child the opportunity to squirm away if she didn’t want him to hug her. Instead, she flung her thin arms around his neck and he dutifully placed a kiss on her cheek.
“I like this game.” She planted one on his cheek in return and then ran to the ball pit.
Her affection and expectation of such came so easily. He thought of all the ways people could use that against her, could hurt her. He found he couldn’t breathe.
“I know, right?” Gina said quietly. She understood.
“You’re all doing it wrong.” Gray’s voice surprised him.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were going back to the city?” Reed asked as he got to his feet.
“I had to try out this infamous Frogfest. I heard there were going to be carnival games and maybe an exhibition match of some local talent.” He shrugged. “I see everyone takes these things seriously around here.” He eyed Emma.
“If we did it wrong, maybe you should show us how it’s done?” Gina cast a sly grin at Emma.
Emma’s gaze cut to Gray so fast, Reed was sure he actually saw it slice the air. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Oh, I more than dare. Especially since you think I wouldn’t.” He pulled out a hundred-dollar bill and stuffed it in the jar. “That’s the best reason to dare.”
“Damn,” Emma whimpered.
“You got that right.” Gray grabbed her and bent her over the back of his arm and kissed her.
Gina lifted her chin and nodded at Reed. “That’s what she gets for calling you light work.”
Reed laughed. “Oh, really? Well, compared to that, I guess I am light work. He’s got a lot more game than I ever did.”
“It’s for a good cause, anyway.” Gina shrugged. “Sorry Amanda Jane put you on the spot like that. I’ll talk to her if you want.”
“No, it’s okay. I think it’s probably pretty normal. We’re her caregivers. Wanting to see us that way is searching for a kind of stability, I imagine.” Reed remembered having those same wants as a child with every new man his mother brought home. After a while, he’d gotten numb to those wants and eventually, started dreading each new encounter because it was always the beginning of the end.
Gina’s expression changed from light and open to concerned as she spread out the blanket and arranged the bags and basket just so. “Do you think she feels like her life is unstable?”
If he were more of a bastard, he could use this moment to pounce, to give himself the upper hand for further negotiations. But he didn’t want Gina to feel unsure of her choices. He knew that she’d done the best she could. Once he got past his own issues, he could see that.
“No. An unstable child wouldn’t ask for what they want like she does. She expects all of her needs to be met because they have been. You’ve done a great job, Gina.”
He didn’t expect her to melt into him the way she did, for her arms to lock around his waist and for her to bury her face in his neck. Reed embraced her carefully and tried not to think about how good she felt wrapped in his arms.
How good this whole day was turning out to be, despite having murdered Bostwick the garden gnome.
“I’m sorry, I just...I’ve tried so hard. I wanted her to have better than we did.”
“And she does. You’re a good mother.”
She broke away from him and everything in him wanted to reach out and pull her back against him. “But I’m not her mother.”
“You are in all ways that matter. You’ve been a good father, too. You’ve been everything. But you’re not alone now.”
Gina’s eyes fluttered closed. “You know, when I took her after Crystal died, I told them they couldn’t just give me a child. What was wrong with child services that they could just hand this child over to me?”
“I would’ve felt the same way, but I would’ve been right in my case. She’s happy, healthy, smart and kind. What more can you do?”
“I guess keep doing what I’ve been doing.” She looked away from him to scan the ball pit and then back at him. “So this is really happening, right? We’re getting married?”
“Yeah. If you say yes.”
“I think there are some things we need to talk about that weren’t addressed in the agreement.” She took a deep breath. “Are you dating?”
That was the last question he expected from her. “What?”
“Dating. Seeing someone. Hittin’ and quittin’...” She used their old high school slang for one-night stands.
“Uh, no, Gina. None of that.”
“Me, either. I don’t want a string of people in and out of her life.”
Her answer unknotted something tight in his chest. “I don’t really date at all. So that’s not a problem.”
“Why not?” She cocked her head to the side and looked up at him.
Her eyes were so clear, like the cloudless sky, and her bow mouth was pursed waiting for his answer. The distance between them began to disappear slowly but surely as he leaned in, perhaps to tell her a secret.
He hadn’t intended to kiss her, but he found himself leaning forward, anyway.
“Daddy! Come play with me,” Amanda Jane yelled.
Her voice startled Reed out of whatever spell had drifted over him and he launched himself to his feet and went to go play with his daughter.
CHAPTER EIGHT (#ulink_cc40ee8f-370f-5997-9171-9147f67a185d)
HAD REED BEEN about to kiss her? Gina wondered.
The more important question was, would she have let him?
This kind of complication was the very last thing she needed.
She pressed her fingers to her lips, imagining just what she would do if he did kiss her. After kissing him back, of course. The part of her that wanted to know what it was like to kiss Reed Hollingsworth hadn’t grown out of it, perhaps never would.
She’d spent much of her teen years wondering what it would be like if he ever turned to her, if he ever leaned over ever so slowly, what it would be like. Would her world explode or dry up until it was nothing but dust?
Would his kiss be like a man’s or a boy’s?
She’d been infatuated with him as a girl, but now that she was a woman, all of those thoughts and feelings came rushing back tenfold.
But for him, she wondered if it was part and parcel to playing house with her. He suddenly had this ready-made family and maybe he figured she was just part of the deal. Take her, keep her happy, or maybe it wasn’t even that blatant.
Gina flopped back onto the blanket and stared up at the bright, endless ocean of sky. A gentle breeze played over her hair.
She’d spent so long trying to make sure any prospective boyfriends understood that Amanda Jane was part of the package, she forgot that she wanted someone else to want her for herself, too. She’d always kind of assumed that was a given.
Nothing could ever be so easy with Reed. He made her doubt herself on all fronts without even trying. In fact, he’d been nothing but encouraging and she found that she desperately wanted his approval.
She’d never worried about anyone’s approval but her own.
Until now.
Now her stupid brain wouldn’t do anything but think about why he’d almost kissed her, and what would’ve happened if he had, and if it was a sign from the universe that Amanda Jane had called out to him when she did.
Didn’t she have enough on her plate?
Apparently not.
She watched father and daughter play in the ball pit. The easy affection that had blossomed so quickly between them. Gina decided that maybe he’d be a great father, if he’d let himself.
Then Gina decided that she might be the most horrible person on the planet.
It was always in the back of her mind, sometimes the front, that Amanda Jane was her niece. Crystal had been her mother. Gina’s poor, tragic sister. It hadn’t had to end like it had, if only she’d fought more, done more...
But thinking about Crystal having this with Reed...days like today. Moments like the last one where he’d almost kissed her, it made her jealous. As jealous as she’d been when they were in high school and she kept waiting for Reed to notice that she was pretty, too. That she was smart. That she was the one who really wanted to be with him.
For the first time, Gina thought that Crystal hadn’t deserved these moments.
Who was she to judge? She knew Crystal’d had her own demons to exorcise and she knew there were things that lived in the shadows of memory that had always had a tight fist around her sister’s throat. She wouldn’t trade places with her for anything in the world.
And she couldn’t build her dreams on the hopes of her sister’s pain and suffering.
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.
Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».
Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию (https://www.litres.ru/sara-arden/finding-glory/) на ЛитРес.
Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.
Sara Arden
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
Отзывы: Пока нет Добавить отзыв
О книге: Once upon a time, he was just a hopeless cause from the wrong side of Glory, Kansas. And he′ll be damned if he′ll let anyone drag him back down after finally clawing his way out.Everyone knows that Gina Townsend is a saint, always taking care of everyone around her. And now she′s trying to be a mother to her six-year-old niece, Amanda Jane. But the girl′s biological father isn′t helping matters. The scruffy, gangly boy Gina remembers has returned to Glory a sexy, successful man, but Reed Hollingsworth is the only thing standing between her and losing Amanda Jane to foster care.Betrayed that neither Townsend sister bothered to tell him he was a father until he had money, Reed′s still not about to shirk his responsibilities. So when he demands Gina move in with him as part of Amanda Jane′s custody agreement, he tries not to notice pretty much everything about her–especially the way his solemn-faced daughter laughs when they play together.Raising a child together, Reed and Gina learn that some dreams come and go, but some are a spark that burns eternal…