Truly Happy Baby ... It Worked for Me: A practical parenting guide from a mum you can trust
Truly Happy Baby ... It Worked for Me: A practical parenting guide from a mum you can trust
Holly Willoughby
**AWARDED A MUMSNET BEST BADGE 2016**Whether you’ve just had a baby or you’re about to welcome your new little bundle into the world, you probably have a LOT of questions …I know I did! And I also know from first-hand experience with my three babies that one-size-fits all parenting doesn’t work. So this book is to help you find out what will work for you and your baby. I’ve included all the information and friendly advice I wish I’d been given before I became a mum for the first time, alongside the routines, shortcuts and tips that worked for me.I hope this book will empower you during your first twelve months of parenthood to trust your own mummy intuition, and to care for your children in your own way – confidently and happily. We all have that intuition, we just need to learn to tune into it! With chapters on feeding, sleeping, wellbeing and lifestyle – as well as how to look after yourself – this book will equip you with all the know-how you need to get you through the sleepless nights and concerns, to all the magical first moments. It’s a collection of everything that worked for me as a new mum – and I hope it works for you, too.Love, Holly xxx
COPYRIGHT (#u7c2c7025-e465-5ae4-bc85-820df110e807)
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This edition published by Thorsons 2016
FIRST EDITION
Text © Holly Willoughby 2016
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While the author of this book has made every effort to ensure that the information contained in this book reflects NICE (National Institute for Health and Care Excellence) and NHS guidelines at the time of publication, medical knowledge is constantly changing and the application of it to particular circumstances depends on many factors. This book is intended as a reference volume only, not as a medical manual. The information given here is designed to help you make informed decisions about you and your baby, and it should be used to supplement rather than replace the advice of your doctor or other trained health professionals. Therefore it is recommended that a qualified medical specialist is always consulted for advice. The author and publishers cannot be held responsible for any errors and omissions that may be found in the text, or any actions that may be taken by a reader as a result of any reliance on the information contained in the text.
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Source ISBN 9780008172527
Ebook Edition © June 2016 ISBN: 9780008172534
Version: 2016-06-24
CONTENTS
COVER (#u2b3a7c28-c024-5d1c-b4e2-fbe6bf185d34)
TITLE PAGE (#ud583955c-6ab1-5001-a41c-a449a257f47c)
COPYRIGHT
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER ONE: FEEDING
01 The need-to-knows and the know-hows (#ulink_21ba6d55-6610-506d-acf2-ba295ab0ac34)
02 Milestones and routines (#ulink_01ace005-874b-5250-881b-d7e06da7d531)
03 Feeding solutions (#ulink_d3515414-d0b7-5ee7-abb7-b19667d85d8c)
CHAPTER TWO: SLEEPING
01 Making the nest (#litres_trial_promo)
02 Milestones and routines (#litres_trial_promo)
03 Sleep solutions (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THREE: WELLBEING
01 Your newborn’s wellbeing (#litres_trial_promo)
02 Caring for your baby (#litres_trial_promo)
03 Growth spurts and developmental milestones (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOUR: LIFESTYLE
01 The serious stuff (#litres_trial_promo)
02 Development and play (#litres_trial_promo)
03 What to do with your days (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIVE: LOOKING AFTER YOU
01 What’s going on with you?! (#litres_trial_promo)
02 Life after having a baby (#litres_trial_promo)
03 Support for you and your new baby (#litres_trial_promo)
SOME EXTRA ADVICE
INDEX OF SEARCHABLE TERMS
THANK YOUS
ABOUT THE PUBLISHER
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I knew I would write this book when I had my first son, Harry. I couldn’t believe how many times I thought – and indeed heard fellow parents say – ‘Why didn’t anybody tell me about this?!’ There’s no two ways about it, becoming a new mum or dad can be incredibly daunting. There’s no other job on the planet this important where you wouldn’t be given first-class training to prepare you, but as babies don’t arrive with an instruction manual, this is me passing on all the things that I found worked for me, in the hope they might help you too. I’ve been blessed with three very different babies, so whilst I don’t profess to have any official childcare qualifications (although all the advice in this book has been checked by a medical professional), I have had a lot of varied experience, coping with, and getting to know, each of my children. In this book I’ll share all the best bits I’ve learnt along the way for how to look after my family.
The best piece of advice I can give you, and which you should try and keep at the forefront of your mind, is YOU KNOW BEST! Albert Einstein himself said, ‘The only really valuable thing is intuition,’ and who are we to argue with a genius?! Listen to intuition, switch off fear. When you first have a baby, you might feel bombarded with advice from friends, family and medical professionals, and some of that advice can be conflicting. This is when you have to sift through what you’ve been told, and then listen to you. I’m going to be really honest with you throughout this book about the decisions I made for my babies and my reasons for making them, but I can’t stress enough how important it is that you go through your own thought processes, filter all the information and make the decisions that are right for you and your baby. Don’t just do things because I’m saying that’s what I did, and don’t avoid doing things because someone else tells you not to. No one knows your child better than you, and the sooner you learn to trust and follow your gut, the more empowered, confident, relaxed and happy you will become as a parent. And, remember, no parent on the planet gets it right all the time. I certainly didn’t, and more often than not the questionable decisions I made were not my own.
In this book, I’ve tried to give the best overview I can of the first year of your baby’s life. Hopefully you’ll find the more baby-led chapters such as Feeding, Sleeping and Wellbeing a really helpful but gentle guide for how to care for your baby, full of the tips that particularly worked for me. Then I’ve talked about Lifestyle and the changes for you and your new family, and what things you can do to make the transition smooth and the outcome even better than before. Lastly, I’ve tried to be as honest as I can in the Looking After You chapter, as at a time when life is so completely different, so are you, and this can feel utterly overwhelming sometimes.
It’s important to say here that this isn’t a rule book. One size most definitely doesn’t fit all when it comes to babies so you need to spend time getting to know your baby to find out what works for you both. You might have to go through ten different soothing methods before you find one your baby likes, for example, and even then it’ll probably be one you made up – see, I told you to listen to your gut! If you’re at that point where nothing seems to be working and you’re at your lowest ebb and most exhausted, try to remember that nothing lasts forever! You’ll be in a completely different place in a month or so – just hang in there.
One final thing I should stress is that new mums don’t always feel an overwhelming surge of love for their new baby when they first give birth. If that’s you, you’re in good company! Please don’t beat yourself up about it. Just make sure you look after yourself and that little baby; you’ve got plenty of time to watch the love flow in – a whole lifetime in fact!
Best of luck to you and that new little baby! Let’s go through this together … deep breath …
Love
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Is it best to breastfeed rather than bottle-feed and will it come naturally?
Your new baby’s finally here, and she’s hungry! How you decide to feed her is ultimately your choice, because the method that’s best is quite simply the one that works for you both. Breastfeeding is often described as the most natural thing in the world, but at times it can be the hardest thing to do. There’s a real art to it and it’s a 50/50 deal – 50 per cent you and 50 per cent your baby.
I put Harry on the breast straight away and went on to feed him successfully. However, a few hours after he was born the midwife asked me whether I’d like to top him up with a bottle so we could both get some sleep. I did this without hesitation and never had any issues putting him back on the breast. Belle arrived nearly six weeks prematurely and, despite being given drugs to slow my labour, I was expressing breast milk before she was even born! With my little reflux baby, Chester, I soon realised that sometimes no matter how hard you try, it doesn’t work out. So my experience is proof that you just never know how it’s going to work for you.
There’s so much to consider with feeding and lots of conflicting advice! Is breast always best? Which formula should you go for? When should you wean? I hope you’ll find some answers in this section that resonate with you, but ultimately – feed your baby the way you want to!
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The need-to-knows and the know-hows Here I’ve tried to give you an overview of all the paraphernalia you’ll need to feed your baby – whether you’re breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, or, like me, doing a bit of both. When you’re trying to breastfeed, establishing your milk supply and feeding successfully can be a bit of a minefield. This section gives you a heads up on what to expect, how things change and some tips for improving your milk supply.
The only thing I would say right now, before you drive yourself crazy, is that breastfeeding doesn’t always work. Even with the best will in the world and the most iron-clad determination (that I had with Chester), sometimes it’s just not meant to be and you’ll end up turning to formula – which is fine! All you can do is research, try everything to make it work and then see how you go. Good luck!
BREAST V. BOTTLE
Before embarking on this age-old debate, I want to stress that however you decide to feed your baby is right. If you’re a milking machine from day dot, then lucky you! If you want to put your baby straight onto formula, then good for you. If you’re hell-bent on breastfeeding, but hitting wall after wall, be at peace with giving formula! As long as you’re comfortable with your decision, it’s right. Feeling guilty and stressed during the first weeks of your baby’s life will be far more detrimental. You’ll have heard the pros and cons of both throughout your pregnancy. So, instead, I’m giving you the breastfeeding ‘headlines’ that convinced me to give it a go:
• Early bonding. Take it from me, when your baby opens her eyes and gazes back at you whilst feeding, you will feel an intensity like you’ve never known.
• Your antibodies are carried through your milk, so how could I not at least try to pass that protection on to my baby? Studies have also shown that breastfeeding has health benefits for you too.
• Breast milk evolves as your baby grows, to suit her specific nutritional needs. Although formula does contain nutrients, it stays exactly the same. Only breast milk is bespoke for your baby.
• For the lazy mum in me, breastfeeding is convenient. It’s available for your baby whenever your baby needs it, there’s no washing up, no sterilising and no warming a bottle in the middle of the night. So, in actual fact, for the lazy mum, once you’ve got it right, this could be for you!
I attempted to breastfeed all three of my babies, and I can say with brutal honesty that each time the first two weeks were very challenging. But I never give up without a fight, and with Harry and Belle I’m happy to say I was very successful. So you can imagine my frustration when with Chester no amount of grit and determination overcame the problems! I opted for bottle-feeding him expressed milk (see here (#ulink_56305f13-5353-5fe4-8862-0afea193d82f)), and eventually switched him to formula. That worked for me, so make sure you find what works for you too.
THE LOW-DOWN: BREASTFEEDING
The golden nectar – colostrum …
Before your breast milk comes in (at some point during the first two weeks after birth), your breasts produce colostrum, which is pure golden nectar to your baby. Colostrum looks a little bit like clear honey and is jam-packed with goodness for your newborn. It doesn’t spurt out like milk; it’s more of a slow trickle. I have to say it’s hard to get your head round the fact that those few droplets are enough to stop your baby from being hungry or thirsty. Colostrum is really potent stuff, fulfilling all your baby’s needs, both nutritional and functional – it’s low in fats, and high in carbohydrates, protein and antibodies to help keep your baby healthy. It helps to protect your baby against infection, and also with that all-important first bowel movement – another reason new mums are really encouraged to give breastfeeding a go. Colostrum may come in before your labour even starts and, if it does, it’s nothing to worry about. If anything it just means that everything is working as it should be and that your baby will be here soon! If this does happen, pop a breast pad into your bra to stop any embarrassing leaks! Breast pads will soon become your new best friend – the times I reached into my handbag for a tissue and ended up with a breast pad stuck to my palm!
Breast-milk production …
To produce good breast milk, you have to have high levels of a hormone called oxytocin – this is often referred to as the love hormone because it’s triggered when you meet the love of your life! Oxytocin is needed for the letdown reflex to trigger your milk flow and can be released simply by looking at your baby, hearing another baby cry, or even just feeling warm and fuzzy. I can remember feeding Chester with the telly on in the background, and the John Lewis Christmas advert came on, the one with Monty the penguin – and I nearly flooded the place!
To have all this lovely oxytocin in your body, you have to be in love with your baby – tick! – but you also need to be well rested, well fed, not too tired and really calm and relaxed. The chances are you’ll be struggling with these bits! So the best piece of advice I can give is to try to look after yourself as best you can as one thing impacts the other. If looking after yourself and your mental state means topping a screaming baby up with a bottle of formula so you can get some sleep and give your milk half a chance of coming in, then do it! If, however, you do make that decision but want ultimately to breastfeed, you should try to express off that missed breastfeed to establish your milk supply. Everyone’s milk production is different. I know I had three quite different experiences with my babies.
Breastfeeding bracelets If you wear a bracelet on the arm corresponding to the breast you last fed from (so your right arm if you fed from your right breast), you’ll never forget which side to use for the next feed. There are lots of lovely mummy bracelets available, or any old hair band will do – just make sure it’s not too tight!
© Shutterstock.com
What to eat whilst breastfeeding …
Your diet It’s often difficult to keep track of mealtimes in the early weeks when you’re so busy with your baby, but try not to skip meals – you need to be well nourished to produce a healthy milk supply. Now is not the time to eat less to lose weight – the old adage of making sure you get your five portions of fruit and veg a day, and a good balance of carbohydrates, protein and dairy foods, is never more important. Breastfeeding can make you extra-hungry so try to reach for a healthy snack, such as a yoghurt or some wholegrain toast, rather than the biscuit tin. These are some other foods that can help improve the quantity and quality of the milk you are producing:
• Oatmeal
• Green leafy vegetables, e.g. spinach
• Oily fish
• Lentils and pulses
• Brown rice
• Nuts and dried fruit
• Fennel and fenugreek seeds
Your baby’s tastebuds How a baby reacts to your diet can vary and, whilst it’s good for the baby to experience different tastes and smells through your breast milk, it’s a case of trial and error. Some mums don’t think twice about eating spicy foods whilst breastfeeding, as it has little or no effect on the baby, but others might find their baby really struggles to digest the milk. Some babies might show signs of lactose intolerance through mum eating a lot of dairy. If you think your baby is suffering in some way (diarrhoea, eczema, bloating, constipation, to name a few symptoms), try eliminating certain foods from your diet to see if there’s an improvement. Don’t overdo it on caffeine and alcohol as both can affect your baby when passed on via your milk supply.
Water I always made sure I had a large bottle of water to hand before I sat down to feed, as I’d quickly become really thirsty. It’s also essential to stay hydrated when you’re breastfeeding as it’s very important for breast-milk production.
courtesy of the author
Cookies … and milk! …
A friend gave me this recipe for lactation cookies. I don’t know whether it was just a placebo, but I definitely felt they made a big difference to my milk production. The magic active ingredients are brewer’s yeast powder (which you can buy from all good health stores), flaxseed and some good-quality rolled oats. I’ve added raisins, but experiment substituting (or adding) things you love. Good flavour combinations are cranberries and white chocolate chips, and dates and walnuts.
The magic ingredients
—
2 tbsp milled flaxseed
220g unsalted butter, softened
310g golden caster sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract or ground cinnamon
3 tbsp brewer’s yeast powder
1 tsp salt
280g self-raising flour
130g rolled oats
150g raisins
—
Makes about 18 cookies
1. Preheat oven to 180°C/350°F/Gas mark 4 and line a baking sheet with greaseproof paper.
2. Mix the flaxseed and 4 tablespoons of water together in a mug and leave for about 5 minutes.
3. In a large bowl, beat together the butter and caster sugar (or use a food mixer). Add the eggs and beat in, followed by the vanilla extract or cinnamon and the flaxseed mixture.
4. In a separate bowl, sift in the brewer’s yeast, salt and self-raising flour and mix together. Add this to the wet ingredients and mix well.
5. Stir in the oats and raisins (or whatever extra ingredients you’ve chosen), so that they’re evenly dispersed through the dough. If you’re using an electric mixer, you should do this part manually with a spoon.
6. Take a lump of dough (roughly a heaped dessertspoon) and, with your hands, roll into a ball. Place on the baking sheet, flattening the ball slightly with the back of a wooden spoon.
7. Repeat with the rest of the mixture, leaving a decent-size gap between the cookies because they spread as they cook. I find six balls in two rows of three work best in terms of them not sticking together.
8. Bake for 12–15 minutes, until golden. My oven produces perfect results after 14 minutes, so it’s trial and error!
9. Remove from the oven and set aside for 5-10 minutes to firm up. Then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely, or dig in whilst still warm!
Switching to formula …
You’ll have been told that the official guidelines are to feed your baby solely on breast milk for the first six months. But sometimes you may decide that breastfeeding either isn’t for you or isn’t for your baby, and the reasons for this are broad and wide. Whatever your reason, you’ve got one and that’s good enough for me – and it should be good enough for anybody else too (family members, midwives, health visitors, fellow mums!). Some possible reasons for calling it a day on breastfeeding are:
• You’re not making enough milk to satisfy your baby so she’s not gaining weight.
• You’ve been ill and, whether or not that ended up in a hospital stay, your milk production has lost momentum.
• You’ve had mastitis (painful engorging of the breasts – see here (#litres_trial_promo)), which can sometimes lead to your milk supply drying up.
• You’re simply too tired or overwhelmed by the breastfeeding schedule.
If you’ve reached this point and are feeling dreadful about it, ask yourself how many people you know who weren’t breastfed. Do you think it’s had a detrimental effect on their lives? The answer is likely to be … NO! So why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? A contented baby and equally contented mummy is the most important thing, so be at peace!
HOW TO: BREASTFEED
Getting it ‘right’ …
It amazes me how newborns put onto the breast immediately try to latch on. It’s as if they know more than you and are saying, ‘Come on, Mum! I know how to do this!’ Did you know that your newborn just happens to be able to see as far as the distance from your nipple to your nose, so as she is feeding your face is the clearest thing to her? And that your nipples are expanded and darkened during early motherhood so that your baby can find them easily? Mother Nature really does think of everything!
To be able to feed your baby is a special bond, but there are plenty of other opportunities to bond – don’t worry!
But, remember, no two babies are the same. You might be a milking machine for your first baby and then a complete novice with the second. Or you and your baby just might never meet in the middle. The bottom line with breastfeeding is if your baby is happy and gaining weight, you’re doing it right.
To begin with, there are many things to try: where and what time to breastfeed, how to position yourself and the baby, how the baby latches on. You may be told that if you’re doing it properly, breastfeeding won’t hurt. Rubbish! A good friend of mine is a maternity and breastfeeding expert. Now she has her own children she feels insanely guilty that she told so many mums that it shouldn’t hurt. It wasn’t until she attempted to put all her advice into practice that she realised she didn’t have the answers after all! Unfortunately it’s always likely to hurt for the first couple of weeks, but once you’ve got the hang of it, it should get easier. If it doesn’t, seek advice and help from your health visitor, midwife or GP. I’ve also covered breastfeeding issues and resolutions in the last section of this chapter (see pages here (#litres_trial_promo)).
Getting your baby to ‘latch’ …
Just as every baby is different, every latch is different, but here are some pointers to help you. If your baby keeps coming off the breast or she is uncomfortable, simply try putting her on again. It does take practice.
Positioning Make sure you are comfortable (see here (#ulink_ba2e92c7-9a61-5e90-bf24-14f44382627f)) and that your baby’s mouth is level with your nipple. She should be close enough to reach the nipple without straining for it, with her head and body in a straight line.
Latching To encourage your baby to open her mouth nice and wide, touch your nipple to her lips and mouth so that she can taste the milk. Then as soon as she opens her mouth, move your baby’s head up and over the nipple, pushing as much of the areola in as possible. Free the bottom lip if it gets dragged in slightly to perfect the seal around the breast. The tip of the nipple should be deep inside her mouth or those strong little gums will hurt it. Don’t worry about your baby not being able to breathe whilst feeding. As long as you’re gently supporting her neck and shoulders and not clamping her head against your breast, she will pull away if she needs to. A good latch will mean your baby is positioned really closely against your breast.
Shaping Us mummies are all different shapes and sizes and babies only have little mouths, so you may have to forge out the perfect mouthful. To do this, hold your breast from underneath and use your thumb and fingers like pincers either side to squeeze the nipple and areola into a shape that’s easier for your baby to take.
Checking the latch If your baby is latched on correctly, after a few rapid sucks she should revert to slow, rhythmic sucking, which you can watch with great satisfaction if you look at her neck as she gulps the milk down.
Seeking help Once you get the latch right, you’ll never look back. If you are struggling, seek help from your health visitor or a breastfeeding organisation (#litres_trial_promo). Like I said before, breastfeeding is an art – sadly, so many women give up in those early months due to lack of advice.
Breastfeeding positions to try …
First, make sure you have plenty of cushions around you for comfort and support. Feeding can take a while, especially in these early days, so it’s important you have everything you need to hand.
Try to get your baby to empty one breast before offering the second. When she is really small, she probably won’t take the second, but if you’ve stuck to one breast, you can be more sure your baby has completed the milk cycle and taken all the nutrients she needs out of a feed. For the first few minutes on the breast your baby suckles foremilk, which is the thinner, thirst-quenching stuff, before she is hit with the fattier, richer hindmilk.
Cradle hold
This is the classic breastfeeding image of a baby suckling at the breast. It’s great if you can make it work as it’s a relaxed and comfortable position for both of you that you can do anywhere without needing too many props! Just make sure you have a pillow under the arm the baby’s head is resting on.
I used the cradle hold with Chester, and when we were struggling to feed I was advised to sit in an upright chair, place my feet on a footstool and use a breastfeeding U-shaped pillow to support him. Apparently it’s the optimum feeding position and it definitely eased the strain on my back in those difficult days.
Cross cradle hold
This is similar to the cradle hold but the baby’s head is supported by your hand rather than in the crook of your arm. It helps if you place a pillow across your lap.
Rugby ball hold
This position is particularly good for feeding twins and for breastfeeding after a Caesarean as the baby doesn’t rest on your wound.
Lying down on your side
Lay your baby on the bed flat on the mattress and you do the same, positioning your nipple level with her mouth. You might have to lean in slightly. This is a relaxing position for both of you.
Laidback hold
Lay your baby on her tummy vertically along your body. Make sure she’s properly latched on so she doesn’t drag on the nipple.
Expressing breast milk …
Expressing milk means extracting breast milk by hand or using a pump. The milk can be kept for a feed, so anyone can give it, not just you! Regular expressing is a great way to help establish your milk supply. Other good reasons to express:
• It frees you up to have a well-earned snooze.
• You might be struggling with feeding your baby directly from the breast, but still want to give her breast milk (and keep your supply up).
• Your baby might not be emptying the breast fully, so you need to express off the rest.
• You are suffering from a breast infection or engorged breasts and it’s too painful to feed directly.
I expressed in different ways, for different reasons and with varying regularity, for each of my babies. In all honesty I think you need to focus on getting your milk really established for the first three months, which means looking to feed or express every three to four hours, ideally. This might sound like an arduous task at a time when you’ve never been so tired, but after you’ve put the work in your milk will be there, and more often than not it won’t go away even if you want it to!
There’s a lot of talk about expressing between feeds to increase your milk supply and I think it certainly helps, particularly if you’re struggling with breastfeeding. If your baby is taking some milk from the breast but not emptying it, offer her a bottle of expressed milk if you have some stored – or formula – to top her up. And then express the rest of the breast to empty it fully. This way your milk will replenish and there will be plenty there for the next feed. If you are part bottle- and part breastfeeding, you might hear the term ‘nipple confusion’. Personally I think this is rubbish! If you get your baby used to anything early on and keep swapping from one thing to another, she will see it as normal, but you should consider all the facts for yourself and make your own decision about this.
Due to Chester’s reflux, I battled with breastfeeding for two and a half months until, eventually, I had to face the fact that breastfeeding was just not for him. He couldn’t get on with it and it wasn’t making him happy, which was stressing me out, which in turn was having an effect on my milk supply. I ended up expressing every feed for the next few months until I decided that expressing, on top of sterilising and feeding with two other children in tow, was just too much and it was time to hit the formula.
If, like me with Harry, you are successfully breastfeeding all your feeds, I don’t think you need to express in between, unless you want to express a bottle for your partner to give the baby so you can head to bed early and get a decent sleep! With all three of my children I expressed one of the night feeds for Dan to give so I could get to bed after the 7pm feed. But I would still wake up at around 11pm to express off that feed and save it for the following night, or else my breasts would have engorged or I’d have risked my milk not replenishing enough for the last night feed.
Breast pumps Breast pumps simulate a baby’s sucking action to get your milk flowing but there are so many to choose from! I think it’s better to see what your situation is before you buy a pump. When I was pregnant with Harry I googled one of those ‘What to buy for your baby’ lists and went shopping, and one of the things on the list was an electric breast pump. It wasn’t until I actually used it that I discovered it was really noisy, which isn’t ideal in the middle of the night when you’ve finally got the baby off to sleep. I didn’t really need to express much at all with Harry, so I tried a manual hand pump instead, which was a fraction of the price, much quieter and completely portable (although it did of course take longer to express the milk).
So work out the best and cheapest expressing option for you. Mummy websites review most of the main brands and there are plenty of discussion threads. Pumps vary quite a bit in price, from the basic manual hand pump I had with Harry to hospital-grade double electric pumps. When I realised what sort of feeding regime I was in for with Chester, I rented one of these; because it was a double pump it was much quicker – and quieter – than my old shop-bought electric one.
Does expressing hurt? There’s no two ways about it – when you’re expressing milk you’ll feel like a cow with its udders hooked up to a milking machine! But it shouldn’t hurt. If you’re using an electric pump there will be several power settings, and if you’ve got it cranked up to the highest one, hoping to produce more milk, you’ll be in agony and probably produce less milk than you would if it was on a lower, more comfortable setting. Experiment to find the comfiest setting for you. If you’re in pain, you won’t produce the oxytocin that triggers your milk letdown (see here (#ulink_5f7aa22e-6c0d-57e5-90ea-92a26484b302)).
Another reason for expressing being painful might be the size of the part of the pump that covers the nipple. If your nipple is too big and is being squashed on all sides once you start the machine up, you might need a bigger part. There should be space around the nipple or it’s naturally going to chafe, so find out if your pump has different sizes.
Once you get it right, expressing should be really easy and you’ll soon find ways of clamping the cones into your breastfeeding bra so you can be hands-free to blow-dry your hair whilst pumping! Every second of you-time counts!
Storing breast milk Freshly expressed breast milk should be placed in the fridge immediately and kept for no longer than 72 hours. If you put it in freezer bags or those special milk bags and date it, you can freeze it for up to six months. Remember that breast milk changes as your baby grows and her needs evolve. If you’re giving her a feed you expressed two months ago, there may not be all the nutrients she needs at that point. So if you are freezing milk, use the earliest dates first.
Milky goodness A good reason for freezing a little breast milk is that it contains natural antibodies that are good for eye infections, little cuts, etc. Even if you’re not feeding any more and your milk production has stopped, you might have something in the freezer to treat your nine-month-old’s conjunctivitis! (Although check with your GP first!)
THE LOW-DOWN: BOTTLE-FEEDING
If you’re exclusively using formula, I’d recommend buying a formula dispenser. These are cheap to buy and usually have about three compartments so that you can measure out the right amount for each feed in advance. These dispensers are great if you are using a narrow-neck bottle, as they act like a funnel and are particularly handy when you’re out and about – or if you need to make up a bottle in the middle of the night and have lost the mental ability to count scoops accurately (it happens!).
Choosing a formula …
All the formulas contain similar stuff, but I picked one with added prebiotics. These are naturally found in breast milk and help to promote the production of friendly bacteria in your baby’s gut to boost her immune system. If you find that your baby is struggling to keep her feeds down every time, it’s worth trying another brand to see if it makes any difference.
Formulas suitable from birth have whey as their main ingredient as it’s easy to digest and nutritionally closest to breast milk. If you find you have a very hungry baby, and one that is putting on a lot of weight due to the amount of milk she’s consuming, you can get hungrier formulas, which use casein as their main ingredient. Casein is harder to digest and means that your baby won’t need to feed so often, but only use this if your baby fits the profile, otherwise it can wreak havoc on your baby’s digestion, which will leave you all in a pickle!
At about six months you can consider moving your baby to follow-on milk. I did because it contains extra vitamins for older babies, but there’s another school of thought that says they get those vitamins from solid foods once you’re weaning. Whether you choose to keep your baby on breast, infant or follow-on, don’t start her on cow’s milk until she’s twelve months old.
Formula comes as powder that you have to make up or ready-made in cartons. Of course, the little ready-made cartons are easier and more convenient to use, but they’re also a very expensive option. I always bought the big drums of powder, which I used at home, alongside a portable formula dispenser for when I was out and about. That said, there are occasions when a ready-made carton of formula is like the Holy Grail to a mum out and about! Perhaps you didn’t put the lid on properly and your bottle of boiled water has leaked all over your bag; or you brought the bottles out with you, but forgot the formula dispenser. There will be at least one occasion when you find yourself running into the nearest chemist for a pricey carton of ready-made formula. And, believe me, you’ll never feel more grateful for modern convenience!
How much formula to give …
There will be feeding guidelines on the back of every formula container to help you work out the recommended amounts according to your baby’s age and approximate weight. These guidelines are definitely worth considering, but crucially, don’t forget that no two children are the same. They’re all born at different birth weights, so, for example, the guidelines at two weeks for a baby born weighing 7lb (3kg) might not be enough food for one born weighing 10lb (4½kg). As with everything, adapt the rules to suit your baby.
Which bottle? …
There are so many different bottles – breast-shaped bottles, anti-colic bottles, coloured bottles, glass bottles! So how do you choose the right one? Again, it’s down to personal preference.
I used BPA (bisphenol A)-free bottles, which are made from food-grade plastic as opposed to one that might leak the chemical into your baby’s milk. In fact, with Chester, I opted for traditional glass bottles. I know they’re not to everyone’s taste, but I absolutely loved them. Because I had to bottle-feed him from so young, I liked the fact he wasn’t having a plastic bottle. It just felt purer to me. Apart from the risk of them getting broken, they’re also quite heavy, so if your baby is intent on holding her bottle maybe opt for plastic!
I used basic bottles with Harry but tried the anti-colic bottles with Belle, and I think they’re worth a whirl if you have any colic/reflux concerns (see here (#litres_trial_promo)). The only downside is that they have even more parts to them, so there’s even more to sterilise and assemble!
Which teat? …
Teats come in lots of different shapes, sizes and materials. It’s a matter of preference but be aware you can get slow, medium or fast flow. If the hole in the teat is too big for your baby, she’ll drink too quickly, leaving you in a world of winding pain! If the teat is too small, she’ll have to suck really hard, which will leave her frustrated and possibly too tired to finish the bottle. There’s a risk you’ll mistake an exhausted baby for a satisfied sleepy one because she’s had to work so hard to feed. When changing teats, give her a few feeds to get used to it, but if the milk is flooding out, you’ve moved up a size too early.
Bear in mind that your baby has to work harder to suck the milk from your breast than from a bottle, so it’s not the change in vessel that frustrates her, it’s the speed she’s getting the milk. If you are combining breast and bottle, perhaps keep a slower-flow teat for longer. This will keep your baby having to work harder at the teat, so there isn’t such a big difference between bottle and breast. That said, be sure she is getting enough milk and isn’t frustrated.
© Shutterstock.com
Cold or warm milk …
The pros of cold milk It’s totally up to you whether you want to warm your baby’s milk before you give it to her! Some people say babies drink and digest warm milk better (and do be aware of the official guidelines - see here (#ulink_30b4670a-7420-5d9a-9ec2-6b942aceb865)), but if yours is happy with a cold bottle then why make a rod for your own back? It’s a pain in the neck if you’re out and about and you suddenly have to heat a bottle for a screaming baby who’s decided she’s hungry half an hour earlier than you expected, especially as many cafés and restaurants won’t heat milk for you for health and safety reasons. It’s equally frustrating having to warm a bottle in the middle of the night. It’s far easier to have ready-cooled bottles of water on your bedside table, tip in the formula from the dispenser, give it to your baby and then all go back to sleep. The less paraphernalia you need for your baby, the better!
How to warm milk If you decide to warm your baby’s milk, there are numerous electric bottle warmers on the market, but in my opinion these tend to take longer to warm a bottle than standing it in a jug of boiling water. Not to mention, it’s just another thing you have to find a plug socket for on the kitchen work surface!
When I asked about using a microwave to save time, I was told you can use them but it’s safer not to. Microwaving doesn’t evenly distribute heat through the milk, so there’s a chance your baby will scald her mouth on patches of boiling liquid.
Test the temperature by tipping a few drops onto the back of your hand. If should feel just warm, not hot.
Shortcuts for warming milk I didn’t warm milk for my first two children, but because Chester needed the carobel thickener (see here (#litres_trial_promo)) in his milk for his reflux, I had to warm it for it to dissolve properly. Determined to make bottle-warming as hassle-free as possible, I devised a quick and easy plan once he’d moved on to formula. When I went up to bed, I would take a thermos flask of boiling water and, say he was having a 7oz bottle, I would fill a sterilised bottle with 6oz of cooled boiled water. Then when Chester needed a night feed, I would top the cooled bottle up with 1oz of boiling water from the flask, which made it the perfect temperature for the formula and carobel to dissolve and Chester to drink right away (although with carobel you do need to leave the milk to thicken for a few minutes). Likewise, during the day, say I was going out at midday for the afternoon, I’d put 7oz of freshly boiled water in a bottle, then zip it up in a bottle cosy so it would cool down slowly. By 3pm it would have cooled just enough to add the formula and be the perfect temperature for a hungry baby. But if Chester hadn’t had reflux, he would have been getting room-temperature milk all day long!
Is my baby thirsty? Should I give her water? …
I was told that, as a rule, babies get all the fluid they need from milk and shouldn’t need any extra water. If it’s a boiling hot day, you should feed your baby more often to stop her from becoming dehydrated.
HOW TO: BOTTLE-FEED
Whatever position works best for you, make sure you are positioned comfortably and have everything you need to hand. When you begin, your baby should make a seal around the teat with her lips to stop her swallowing too much air as she feeds. If there’s milk pouring down her chin during a feed, try adjusting the position of the teat in her mouth. It should be straight, not at too much of an angle. If her lips are dragged in when you put the teat in at first, give the bottle a gentle twist to release her lips.
Your baby’s head should be slightly tilted back, so there’s plenty of room in her throat for the milk to flow down. If you’re not holding her upright enough, it will be difficult for her to swallow freely. It’s also very important that the teat is completely full with milk. Otherwise, any air in the teat will get swallowed along with the milk and you’ll end up with a very windy baby on your hands.
Bottle-feeding positions to try …
Cradle hold
Hold your baby in this classic hold, where you rest her head in the bend of your arm and support her body with the rest of your arm. Her head should be positioned higher than her feet so she’s slightly upright, preventing any milk from making its way into her ear and causing an ear infection. This leaves you a free hand to hold the bottle.
Sitting-up hold
Sit your baby up and lean her against your chest or rest her head in the bend of your arm. This is a great position for reflux babies and one I used a lot with Chester. It’s also great for nosy babies who want to look around whilst they’re feeding!
The face-to-face lap hold
You can do this sitting or lying. Bend your knees to make a slope and prop your baby up against your thighs, facing you. This is really nice for both of you as you can look at each other and your baby will feel fairly independent!
Pillow hold
You don’t need to always hold your baby when you bottle-feed her. If, for example, you have backache you can prop her up on a pillow and feed her that way. You can still make eye contact with her and talk to her as you feed. The only thing to bear in mind is you mustn’t let her fall asleep, as this isn’t a safe position for her to sleep in (see here (#litres_trial_promo)).
Making up formula: the rules …
If you follow the instructions on the formula container, it will advise you to make up each bottle, one at a time, as and when you need it using the following steps:
1. Sterilise the bottle.
2. Boil the water, then let it cool for about 10 minutes before adding it to the bottle. It will still be hot. (Don’t boil the water multiple times, thinking you’re making it cleaner! Apparently over-boiling intensifies chemicals in the water. Think sauce reduction and how much it intensifies the flavour!)
3. Add the correct number of formula scoops to the water.
4. Cool to the perfect temperature for your baby.
5. Feed to your baby immediately.
Making up formula: the cheat’s way! …
However, I’m going to be honest with you, I didn’t do it this way. This is one of those alarm-bell moments, where you need to weigh up the official advice against my experience and make your own choice. Current guidelines say you should heat the water you mix with formula to 70˚ or above to minimise the chance of any nasty bacteria forming, so while below was my preferred option, it’s really up to you. If, like me, you just don’t have the time or the inclination to repeat formula preparation steps 1–5 several times a day, you might find this alternative way useful.
After consulting several midwives and medical professionals about how far to take official formula advice, here’s what I found out to help make life a little bit easier:
• Once sterilised, bottles will remain sterile for up to 24 hours as long as the lids are screwed on – whether you’ve left them empty or have put cooled boiled water in. So sterilise all your bottles for the next 24 hours in one hit, fill with the correct amount of water and pop the lids on.
• Pre-prepared bottles with only cooled boiled water in can be left at room temperature for 24 hours so you can add the formula just before you feed your baby, unless of course you give your baby warmed milk, in which case you’ll have to warm the bottle (see here (#ulink_fa5affa9-729d-507e-a831-4be0e15b42a4)).
• You also have the option of adding the formula to completely make up the bottles after you’ve cooled the water, which means you have no milk to make up when your baby is hungry. If you do this, these ready-made bottles need to be refrigerated and kept cool when you’re out and about, and washed and sterilised again after 24 hours whether your baby has touched them or not.
• Never save a half-drunk bottle of formula for later, otherwise you’re opening your baby up to all sorts of harmful bacteria. You might feel like you’re wasting so much formula but this will only happen in those early days. Soon your baby will be knocking back the whole bottle in one feeding session so there won’t be any wastage at all.
The bottom line is whichever way you choose to make up bottles, you must wash, sterilise and replenish everything every 24 hours.
Washing and Sterilising …
It’s really important to wash all your feeding paraphernalia with washing-up liquid and hot water before sterilising, as sterilising doesn’t do both jobs. Here’s a step-by-step guide:
1. If you can, rinse bottles straight after a feed as it will save you scrubbing time at the sink later on! The best thing to get for bottles is a bottle brush. Squeeze on the washing-up liquid and make sure you get into all the nooks and crannies around the screw top and lid as well as the bottle itself.
2. Now squeeze some washing-up liquid into the teats and squidge it around, inside and out, with your fingers to make sure every millimetre is covered, then rinse the whole lot off under the tap so that there aren’t any suds left.
3. After rinsing, sterilise everything.
4. You don’t need to sterilise the bottle brush every time, but if your house is anything like mine, put it somewhere safe and separate to let everyone know it’s for bottles only, or at some point it’ll get used to scrub the grill pan!
Sterilisers I had a worktop steam steriliser for my first two babies, but I bought a microwave steriliser when I had Chester and loved it. I found it much quicker, more portable and, best of all, it didn’t clutter up the kitchen worktop!
You can also get dishwashers with a special bottle-sterilising program, although I’m not sure whether I would have trusted it. It’s just as easy and, to be honest, far quicker, to use a steamer steriliser than wait for a dishwasher to be full up enough to put through a cycle, and then wait another hour for it to go through. Take comfort in the fact that sterilising isn’t a life sentence, although it will at times feel like you spend all your time filling and unfilling your steriliser! Once your baby reaches about six months you can switch from sterilisers to the dishwasher, but for the moment, that steriliser will become an extension of your left arm, making bottles, teats, dummies and breast-pump components safe for your baby.
HOW MUCH FOOD IS YOUR BABY GETTING?
Breastfeeding …
It’s impossible to tell how much milk your baby is getting when you’re breastfeeding. I became so obsessed about it with Chester that I started to weigh him before and after every feed, but I think that’s the crazy behaviour of a mother with a reflux baby who’s not putting much weight on. I didn’t do that with Harry or Belle because I could see that they were gaining weight and were fine. The mistake I made with Chester was comparing the way he fed to my first two. He just didn’t seem to be taking as much milk as they did, and although he was making some progress with weight he wasn’t where Harry had been at that age. And there was a lesson learnt. All babies are different, and I can’t say that often enough. What I really should have asked myself was: is Chester happy? Is he sleeping? Does he have plenty of wet and dirty nappies? Is he gaining weight? Does he seem content after a feed? The chances are, if you’ve answered yes to all those things, then your baby is getting enough to eat!
If you’re worried because your baby won’t settle and you think she’s hungry, that’s not going to help your oxytocin levels (see here (#ulink_5f7aa22e-6c0d-57e5-90ea-92a26484b302)), so seek advice from your midwife or health visitor. If you want to breastfeed and you’re giving it a good go but are worried, then ask for some formula. Whatever your thoughts and concerns, just make sure you’re getting all the answers that you need.
Remember: Happy, rested mummy = oxytocin = happy, sleepy baby.
Bottle-feeding …
If you’re bottle-feeding, it’s easy to keep a tally of how much your baby is taking by seeing how much is left in the bottle after a feed (the same goes for if you’re feeding expressed breast milk). As long as you’re getting your baby weighed regularly and she’s not vastly overweight or underweight, then she is getting the right amount to eat.
Baby clinic …
You’ll have various visits during the first couple of weeks from the midwives and then the health visitor and they’ll weigh your baby. Once the visits stop you’ll be issued with a PCHR red book (Personal Child Health Record), which you’ll take along to a baby clinic once every few weeks or so (less frequently as your baby gets older) for your baby to be weighed and measured. The book contains percentile charts that help you to track your baby’s development against the national average. There are different charts for boys and girls because they grow at different rates. The most important thing to remember about these charts is not whether your child is on the 40th or 100th percentile for weight or height, but whether she’s consistently measuring around that percentile every time. There would only be cause for concern if, for example, your baby suddenly dropped from the 100th to the 40th percentile.
Early weight loss It’s normal for newborns to lose up to 10 per cent of birth weight in the first week. They’ll all start bouncing back by the end of the second week. Between one and four months, babies put on an average of 1.5–2lb (½–1kg) per month. By six months, babies have usually doubled their birth weight, and by twelve months it’s tripled.
WINDING
Why and how often? …
Don’t be tempted not to disturb your beautiful, milk-drunk baby after a feed. If you lay her down without winding her, the chances are she’ll fall asleep, but then two minutes later become a screaming, trapped-wind monster! Wind her once or twice after every feed – and if you have a really windy baby, once or twice during the feed. She will invariably let you know when she needs winding by stopping feeding and squirming slightly, or crying.
There’s never a reason not to wind your baby; it can only do good. That said, if you wind her too often, and she’s getting agitated because she wants to drink, perhaps you don’t have such a windy baby on your hands and winding her once at the end of a feed will be enough. As with everything, once you get to know your baby, how best to wind her will become instinctive.
Little guzzlers Some babies take in too much air as they gulp down their milk, so they will probably stop halfway through, desperate for you to get the air out of their tummy. Babies might also confuse air in their tummy with feeling full and refuse the rest of a feed, meaning that they’re not getting enough to eat, so make sure you give them a thorough winding.
‘Muslins, muslins everywhere, on my shoulders, on my chair, everywhere.’ Ha! Muslins are better than bibs because you can whip them away quickly if your baby has been sick and easily put them over your shoulder or across your lap to protect your clothing. I’d rather wash 20 muslins a day than have to get a newborn – and myself – changed every two seconds!
Winding positions to try …
Classic sitting
Sit your baby on your lap, support her chest with the palm of your hand, and cup her chin and neck with your thumb and fingers, whilst patting her back.
Across lap
Lay your baby on your lap with her head slightly elevated and tap her back to release any wind.
Over-the-shoulder
Hold your baby over your shoulder and gently tap her back to release the wind.
Across arm
Holding your baby face down across your forearm, with her head resting in the crook of your elbow, will put a slight pressure on her tummy and help to release trapped wind.
WEANING
Heat-sensitive spoons You can buy rubber spoons that are gentle on toothless gums and usefully change colour if the food is too hot!
When to wean …
A baby’s digestive system has to be mature enough to take solid food and they have to be sufficiently developed physically (i.e. be able to hold their head up), so the guidelines are to start at six months – everything the baby needs is in breast milk until that age. However, a health professional might recommend early weaning for numerous reasons. As Chester had reflux, I was advised to wean him at about five months. Also if you have a baby who’s permanently hungry and the milk just doesn’t seem to be cutting it any more, starting her on a few solids may help. A sure-fire sign she is ready is if she watches you when you’re eating, following the food’s journey from your plate to your mouth!
Ultimately, it’s up to you when to start weaning. It’s lovely to finally feed your baby proper food and see all that fresh fruit and vegetable goodness going into her. This is definitely one of those situations when you know best. If you think your baby isn’t satisfied by her milk intake alone, then try a little purée. But if you try it at or before six months and your baby rejects everything, perhaps it’s a bit too early. Leave it, and try again a week later. Sometimes if you wean babies around other, older children, it can help them to make sense of what those solids are all about.
Head of the table …
I can’t say enough about investing in a baby chair that pulls up to the table, rather than a standard highchair, so your child feels like part of the dinner party! Babies are like sponges and learn everything from their surroundings, so there’s no substitute for them sitting down to meals with their family to see what you should and shouldn’t do at the dinner table. Rather than you telling them not to tip their bowl all over their head, they’ll soon learn it’s not the done thing if they don’t see anyone else doing it. Children all fidget at the table but letting them move around with food is dangerous – they could fall and choke and it makes more mess too. Sitting them at the table early on is safer and might mean they develop lovely table manners!
What worked for me …
I kicked things off with all of my children by introducing a little baby rice into their diet. I’d come down for breakfast, make up their morning bottle, pour a bit into a bowl with a couple of teaspoons of baby rice, then try feeding it to them on a spoon, interspersed with their milk from the bottle. A bit from the spoon, then a bit from the bottle and so on, just to get them used to this new texture and way of eating. Then I’d do the same at lunchtime with a little whizzed-up vegetable purée. Carrots, sweet potatoes and courgettes are all gentle flavours to start with. I didn’t start them on any meat straight away, but did add fish to the vegetable purées as it’s kinder on the stomach.
This all worked really well for Harry and Belle. They took to it straight away, whereas Chester insisted on doing everything all by himself. He had no interest in taking anything from the spoon I was holding, so I had to give him an extra spoon, which seemed to appease him. Another thing I did differently very early on for Chester was to try a bit of baby-led weaning. This means that you don’t whizz everything up, but instead you steam a bit of carrot or broccoli and, once cooled, give it to your baby to hold, so that she’s in control of holding it and putting it into her mouth. With Chester, most of it would end up on the floor but enough went in that I didn’t worry and he still had milk to accompany every meal, so I wasn’t concerned about him going hungry.
How to whizz! …
If you’re making up little purées, invest in a hand blender so you can cook up a carrot or two at a time and then blend and feed. You don’t need one of those big all-singing, all-dancing blenders for the little portions they need at the puréeing stage. To save time and money, you may want to make up purées in batches to freeze. As they progress and grow older you can stop using the blender altogether and just mash food with a fork, then start cutting it into small bites. As you begin to introduce chunkier food, beware of choking hazards (see my warning (#ulink_ec5fde76-f1a8-516f-84e2-b3f32a918d59)).
I tried to introduce lots of foods as quickly as possible. Making three different meals for three different people just isn’t practical so my children, Chester in particular, have always had what we were all eating – just a whizzed-up or mashed version of it in the early stages.
Weaning warning …
If you are giving your baby sticks of vegetables to hold, such as carrots and broccoli, steam them slightly to soften them so they’re easier to bite into and digest, especially given a baby’s limited number of teeth! Cut fruits such as grapes and satsuma segments into very small pieces to reduce the risk of them getting stuck in your baby’s throat. I always peeled apples, too, as the skin can be tough to chew and a choking hazard. I was also told that a banana (before being mashed) is one of the most dangerous choking hazards as there’s nothing to grab hold of if you need to pull it out. It’s the fact that bananas are soft and break off that makes them so dangerous. As soon as your baby starts to crawl or even toddle around – you might have one who’s on her feet before twelve months – don’t let her move about whilst eating.
New foods and flavours …
Ultimately you want to give your baby a varied diet and get her used to a multitude of different flavours – so before she discovers chicken nuggets (they all do!), encourage her to eat a rainbow of colourful foods. I’d suggest trying one new food at a time to make sure your baby isn’t allergic to it, and introduce it with something you know she likes so she’s less likely to refuse it at the first offering.
There are some brilliant ready-made foods out there and I always had a stash in the cupboard for convenience. Steaming and puréeing isn’t always possible, so don’t feel guilty for using them, but they are expensive compared with making homemade batches, particularly if you buy organic, which I tried to.
If at first you don’t succeed! It can be frustrating to watch your baby grimace and spit out your lovingly made, delicious homemade purée, but her tastebuds are developing – what she dislikes one week might be a firm favourite the next! Portion out anything she doesn’t like, label it and pop it in the freezer to try another time.
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02 (#ulink_be2dcc0c-4eca-507b-af89-bf632116843e)
Milestones and routines In this section I’m going to outline the various milestones you can expect and give you the routines I used for all my babies (which you can use in conjunction with the timetables you’ll find in the Sleeping chapter – see here (#litres_trial_promo)). Only use them as a guide for what to expect or aim for, however, and don’t get downhearted if your baby won’t play ball!
Some of my children took to a routine quicker than others. It’s all about having a goal and a reasonable expectation of what’s achievable. The word ‘routine’ might suggest an exact science but, as we all know, babies dance to their own tune, so be patient. As long as you troubleshoot the reasons why your baby might not be eating much or at decent intervals and try to adapt your feeding to rectify any problems, then she will get there in the end. They all do! Tomorrow is another day and a new opportunity for your baby to form good habits.
FEEDING MILESTONES: WHAT TO EXPECT
Very roughly (I cannot stress enough how all babies are different!), this is what you can expect over the coming months …
First few days and weeks In the early days you’ll be feeding constantly. Newborns have such little tummies that they need lots of small feeds to keep them topped up.
6 weeks–3 months During this period your little one will hopefully start having fuller feeds – hence a fuller tummy – and longer gaps between each one.
3–6 months By about three months you might start to notice your baby is really starting to respond to your gentle encouragement to get her into more of a pattern with feeding (and sleeping, as the two go hand in hand). If you only try to eke her out for an extra 5–10 minutes each feed, by the end of the day, and then the end of the week, you might find she is going a whole hour longer and eating more to boot.
6 months–1 year Once your baby reaches about six months, hopefully she’ll be in some sort of routine that suits you and your family. She might not be waking for any night feeds at all and, as a result, you’ll be getting the unbroken night’s sleep you’ve been dreaming of since the end-of-pregnancy insomnia began! It’s also during this time that you’ll probably start moving on to weaning (#ulink_32daced1-9648-587b-8b51-4bc03fb4f070). Get the blender ready!
ESTABLISHING A ROUTINE
First few days and weeks: feed, feed, feed …
I’m a big believer in feeding your baby as much as you like, as often as you like, in those first few days and weeks. You and your baby are just getting to know each other, and all that skin-to-skin contact you have whilst feeding, whether you choose to breastfeed or bottle-feed, is really nice for both of you. Breast milk, in particular, is easily digested, so it might seem in those first few days that your baby is never off the breast. But that’s all good. There’s plenty of time to get her into a routine. Some mums worry about snacking and that the baby is using them as a comforter or human dummy, but I say, SO WHAT! Some people seem to think that babies are born manipulative and that we need to teach them a lesson very early on to nip it in the bud, or these needy babies will go on to rule the home! Errr … when did we become so cynical? I think we are all so concerned with how our parenting will affect our children in the long term that we forget that the most simple thing they need from the start is love, and love will get all that yummy oxytocin flowing that helps with your milk production.
Sleepy feeder Some newborns can be very sleepy, so should they be woken for a feed? I’m a bit torn on this one, as it breaks my heart to ever wake a sleeping baby, but then the arguments for feeding regularly to establish your milk supply and ensure your baby doesn’t weaken are equally valid. I chose to let my babies sleep in those first couple of days and fed them when they woke up, but choose what you feel comfortable with and be guided by your midwife.
After the first day or two you’ll find your baby naturally starts to wake up more often for feeds as her digestion kicks into gear. After that time, if you find she keeps falling asleep at the breast or bottle, take her socks off and tickle her toes; don’t let her be too warm and snuggly. A gentle little blow of breath normally does the trick, and winding every 5–10 minutes during a feed will help too. If she is awake when she starts a feed, try to keep her awake until she finishes it or she’ll never get a full feed and sleep for those coveted longer periods.
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Night feeds: should you wake a sleeping baby? …
This is probably your next question and there are two schools of thought on this:
1. Yes, do it. Filling your baby’s tummy and sticking to the three-to-four-hour routine between feeds will make your baby go longer through the night, more quickly. Sometimes it’s referred to as the dream feed, which you give three to four hours after you’ve put your baby down for the night. So this would be at around 10 or 11pm for a 7pm bedtime. It’s called the dream feed because you keep all the lights off, and try to keep your baby as undisturbed as possible when you get her out of the cot. I have to say it’s not easy to keep babies asleep as they invariably wake up when you start winding them before putting them back down anyway.
2. No, let her sleep for as long as she needs to. This is the only way she’ll learn to stop being hungry in the night. When your baby is really little she’ll probably wake up naturally for that food as her small tummy will empty quickly, but as she gets older she can sleep for longer without needing to feed. There’s some research that says you go into a deep sleep after 90 minutes and will remain in that sleep pattern for the next four to six hours before you start to wake up naturally for morning. By that reckoning, if you start waking your baby up a few hours after you put her down, you risk disturbing her during her deepest sleep.
I tried both options. For me, the second option worked better – at least it did with Chester, as he learnt to sleep through from 7pm to 7am much quicker than my first two children.
I think you can only make this decision when you get to that point and know what works for you and your baby.
I always put Harry and Belle down at 7pm and did the dream feed at around 11pm. With Chester, though, because his reflux made sleeping difficult for him, I couldn’t bring myself to wake him up at 11pm when he was fast asleep.
On the move: breastfeeding in public …
Being able to breastfeed in public gives you so much freedom. It takes a while to perfect, but once you and your baby get used to it it’s the most hassle-free way to feed when you’re away from home. There may be onlookers who will make you feel like you should remove yourself to the nearest mother and baby room, but I say go for it. If anyone’s got an issue, it’s their issue! I always had one of those breastfeeding scarves that went around my neck and then over the baby – not because I thought I was going to offend anyone, but for me breastfeeding is very personal and I just thought it was nicer for the baby to feel all snug and warm. You can get clever versions now with a semi-rigid neckline so that the material isn’t across your baby’s face and you can make eye contact with her.
You might not feel comfortable breastfeeding in public at first, and that’s normal. It’s tricky to get that latch – your baby might come on and off a few times. Then you’ll get hot and bothered and think, ‘Oh my God, I’ve got my boob out and everyone’s looking at me!’ And then, to add insult to injury, the oxytocin level dips, the milk slows and your baby gets even more annoyed and it’s just a disaster. So go easy on yourself.
It’s a good idea to have a sterilised bottle and a carton of ready-made formula with you because then you know you’ve got back-up. I learnt this the hard way, but once I did I never left the house without them! When Chester was about nine weeks old I took him to a fancy restaurant with some new mummy girlfriends and their babies. I thought, ‘I can do this, I’m a third-time mum, I’ve breastfed two other children in public,’ and almost felt the challenge of this somewhat empowering. Chester, however, had other plans. He screamed and thrashed about from the second we started. I ended up scurrying to the toilets to feed him, which didn’t work either. I went back to the table completely mortified that I couldn’t feed my child. At this point one of my mummy friends pulled a carton of formula and a bottle out of her bag and said, ‘Do you want these?’ I was so relieved. I pounced on them and vowed never to be caught short again.
Don’t expect everything to fall into place straight away. Breastfeeding is an art!
Going back to work: can you still breastfeed? …
It is possible to breastfeed and go back to work. I’ve done it. I’ve been in dressing rooms pumping milk and putting it in the fridge until I get home, and many of my colleagues have done the same. My make-up artist filled the This Morning fridge with her breast milk carefully labelled up so as not to confuse it with someone else’s … and so it didn’t end up in Phillip’s tea!
If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to keep up a good milk supply by expressing at regular intervals, or as best you can during your working day. If you’re unlucky, your supply might start to wane, and this does happen frequently. If you are one of the unlucky ones, don’t be too down on yourself. You’ve already done such an amazing job feeding your baby and given her a wonderful start in life. Once she sees your face come through that front door, she won’t be thinking about what form her next feed takes and I imagine you’ll feel the same (and probably start flooding the place before you’ve even said hello!).
Some of my mummy friends got into a routine of only breastfeeding the first feed of the day, and the last feed before bed. If you do this regularly enough your milk supply will respond, and even if nothing’s coming in all day it will be there when you get home. It’s all very clever!
ROUTINES: WHAT WORKED FOR ME
On the following pages are the routines I used for all of my babies, which I hope will be a good starting point for you and yours. A few things to bear in mind for all of them:
First, these feeding routines are all loosely based on your baby’s day beginning at 7am! If it’s 6am, everything will be an hour earlier – but if she wakes earlier than 6am, feed her and put her back to sleep, then start your day properly at 7am.
Second, the best way to tell whether your breastfed or formula-fed baby is getting enough milk is to monitor her weight, which you will do alongside the health visitor and by taking your baby to the health clinic for regular checks (see here (#ulink_53a4c5ce-4001-574f-b3cf-781df59d5635)). You’ll be told how often you need to go, but if your baby is gaining weight well you may only need to go once a month. With Harry and Belle, I used to really look forward to going to see how all our hard work was paying off. There’s nothing lovelier than getting a pat on the back from the clinic as they tell you how perfectly your baby is progressing. And whilst it was a different story with Chester, it was equally useful to get the reassurance and advice we both needed.
Third, there are days, even whole weeks, when your perfect baby will completely drop her routine. This is particularly common when a baby is poorly. Believe me, as soon as your baby gets the slightest snuffle, everything goes out of the window. Or she might be going through a growth spurt and suddenly need more food than normal. You need to try to work out what the reasons are and respond accordingly with either more or less food and cuddles. Just don’t despair. You’ll get your golden routine back in a few days, when her appetite comes back and she’s not too bunged up to sleep!
Finally, I think it’s a really good idea to keep a feeding and pooing diary. Sounds delightful! But seriously, for the first few weeks, day and night all roll into one so it’s worth keeping a note of things – or you can now even get apps that help you keep a record of everything. Let alone what breast your baby last fed off or how much of her bottle she took, you’re unlikely to remember when she last did a poo or had a wet nappy and how long she slept. Keep a record for YOU too. For example, if you’re on painkillers after a Caesarean, keep a little table of when you last took tablets and when your next ones are due. You’ll be amazed how four hours can slip by – you could swear you only fed two hours ago! Without keeping a record I would have been in real trouble. Baby brain and all that! Make life easier for yourself. Don’t attempt to keep these sorts of things in your head!
Helpful hints At this very early age, don’t put pressure on yourself to stick to these times. Your baby is so young and there’s plenty of time to get her into a routine. Something to bear in mind is that babies who are solely breastfed might need to feed more often than formula-fed babies, who often sleep longer between feeds. But, in general, your little one will need her little tummy fed every three to four hours.
Hungry cry Hungry cries are often accompanied by a baby clenching her fists and bringing them towards her face. A good way to tell when your baby has had enough to eat is when her hands relax and fall wide open.
Helpful hints As the weeks go by, you’re looking for your baby to go longer and longer between feeds. The first step is to try to get her to have a full feed where she empties the bottle or breast every time, so that she can last longer before she is hungry again. Then when she does feed again, she’ll be hungry enough to complete the next feed so that she doesn’t need to snack in between, and so on. The idea is that if your baby has had enough complete, regular feeds during the daytime, she’ll get to a point where she doesn’t need to wake for a feed during the night.
At this stage, your baby is still so young so, again, don’t put pressure on falling into a routine. Sometimes it’s tough to make your baby go longer between feeds, and the best piece of advice I can give you is that you should ask yourself a few questions, just to be sure you haven’t missed anything before you feed your baby earlier than necessary. Is your baby really crying because she’s hungry? Does she need a nappy change or just a cuddle? Did she have enough to eat at her last feed or is she hungry now because she fell asleep after a few minutes and you didn’t wake her to finish the bottle? After the first six weeks or so, if you continue to feed your baby every time she starts to cry you’ll find she only ever takes small amounts as it’s more of a snack than a full feed.
Helpful hints Since your baby arrived, you’ve probably been feeding her on demand, perhaps expressing some feeds or giving her formula. However you’ve decided to feed your baby, try to get to a point where you’re leaving three to four hours between feeds. This is the way you teach your baby to fill up enough at a feed, to sleep longer between feeds and ultimately be able to sleep for long stretches through the night without needing to wake for a top-up. By the time all of mine were three months old, whether breastfed or bottle-fed, they were on a four-hourly feeding schedule, but that’s just what worked for me. You’ll end up forming your own schedules to suit your life. And don’t be downhearted if it takes you and your baby longer to get to grips with a routine – everyone is different and that’s how it should be!
Think of the four-hourly routine as a helpful framework for you to work with – if nothing else, it will give you a rough idea of when you last fed without having to keep writing it all down. It may not always work – some weeks your baby may be hungrier than others and, if you’re breastfeeding, may want to cluster feed through the night. Cluster feeding is when your baby wakes for lots of feeds much closer together than usual. Young babies do this a lot, and no one really knows why. It could be your baby’s way of encouraging you to produce more milk so that there’s more to fill her up. This can be exhausting for you, and you’ll often feel like it’s never going to end and you’re destined to be this feeding machine for the rest of time! Just know that it won’t last forever and the good news is that it will lead to you producing oodles of milk to satisfy your baby – think how much sleep you’ll both get then!
Always be guided by your baby. If you have a baby who wakes at 6am every morning, start your 24-hour clock from then. I just found that the 7am routine really worked for me. Your body gets used to a routine very quickly and you’ll be shocked how you check to see what time it is and discover it’s 11am or 3pm on the dot and feed time. Your body instinctively gave you a little prod. You probably won’t even need to look at the clock!
By having a set timetable you know when the next feed is – you remember the four golden numbers 7, 11, 3 and 7!
One of the best things about getting my babies in a four-hourly feeding routine – in my case 7am/11am/3pm and 7pm – was it finally meant I stopped having to ask myself or Dan when I last fed the baby! Baby brain is definitely not a myth – whether it’s down to all the hormones or just lack of sleep, you can have finished a feed an hour ago, and then forget immediately what time you began the last feed and completely lose track of time.
Be adaptable The four-hour feeding routine is all about trying to find that key balance between being too flexible and not flexible enough! Being too flexible with your baby might mean you struggle to set a feeding and sleeping routine further down the line, but not being flexible enough is likely to stress you out. It’s about bearing the guidelines in mind, but adapting them to suit you and your baby.
Helpful hints This routine will seem like a dream before you get there. An unbroken night’s sleep! Perfect! Exactly your goal. Having said that, if your baby is a bit more stubborn, don’t give up. She’ll get there eventually and so will you. If your baby is still waking at night, don’t be discouraged. Just ask yourself those troubleshooting questions I gave you in the Pre-routine Hints (#litres_trial_promo) to check you’re doing all the right things during the day to prepare your baby for a good night’s sleep. Weaning (see here (#ulink_32daced1-9648-587b-8b51-4bc03fb4f070)) can help with that as solids don’t get digested as quickly as liquids, keeping your baby’s tummy from rumbling for longer. Whatever your situation, perhaps this little piece of information might make you feel better – or more determined to get your baby into a routine. My mum will tell anyone who will listen how I didn’t sleep through the night until I was four and a half years old. Imagine that! Rather not? No, me neither! On the plus side, I can sleep for England now … or at least I could until I had babies!
Getting babies off bottles …
By the time your baby gets to about six months old she will naturally want to start copying you, even down to the way you drink. If she reaches for your water cup, let her try to take a sip. Your baby will want to move on as much as you want her to, so be guided by her newfound interest. Give her a beaker or sippy cup with a hard spout and lid at mealtimes so she can help herself and get used to drinking out of something other than a bottle.
When your baby is getting old enough for solid food it’s time to start dropping bottles. So to give you some idea, here’s what I did with Chester, from about six months:
Then I gradually dropped the 11am feed, so he was just having three bottles in 24 hours. At eleven months I dropped the 3pm feed, so he was on two bottles at 7am and 7pm. At twelve months I dropped the 7am bottle and he just had a sippy cup with milk at breakfast, but be guided by what you think your baby needs all the way along. I left in that 7pm bedtime bottle for a while, as that’s such a snuggly and cosy time and I really think it helped to settle him.
03 (#ulink_97198ee5-d6c3-5f64-a40c-397e5a9e8c42)
Feeding solutions Hopefully your experience of feeding your new baby will go without a hitch, but there are a few things that can get in the way, particularly if you are breastfeeding. You might also learn that your baby has a medical reason for finding feeding tricky, such as tongue-tie or reflux, which I know all about having gone through them with Chester! These arise mostly in younger babies, and you’re likely to need medical help to overcome them. In this section you’ll find some of the most common issues you might face and some possible solutions to help you get on track. Never hesitate to seek the help of your GP or health visitor should you need to.
BREASTFEEDING ISSUES
Sore nipples: miracle-cure ingredient – lanolin! If your nipples are sore and raw, slather on a good lanolin cream. Tons of it! I put it on after every feed and it’s honestly the only thing that helped. There is so much conflicting advice on how to treat sore nipples: everything from let them air dry, hang ’em in the wind, to putting cabbage leaves in your bra. Try these if you want to, but I always thought of chafed nipples like chapped lips and you wouldn’t leave those to heal themselves in the air. Your nipples need moisturising – they need loads of lanolin cream, followed by a breast pad and bra. Another great thing is that you don’t need to wash it off as it’s safe for your baby. So get slathering! Sore nipples can sometimes lead to or be a symptom of other infections that may need medical treatment, though.
Infected nipples: see your GP For any infection, contact your GP. If your nipples are cracked, pink, shiny and itchy, and/or you find white spots/coating on your baby’s tongue or she has an ongoing nappy rash, you might have thrush. White nipple is caused by bad blood circulation around the nipple, making it appear white, and it can be agony when your baby feeds.
Pain: try nipple shields These thin, flexible covers made of silicone act like a second skin to help reduce discomfort, and they do work. I was desperate to feed Chester but it was agony because my nipples were in such a state. Wearing a shield reduced the pain enough to get me through.
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Holly Willoughby
**AWARDED A MUMSNET BEST BADGE 2016**Whether you’ve just had a baby or you’re about to welcome your new little bundle into the world, you probably have a LOT of questions …I know I did! And I also know from first-hand experience with my three babies that one-size-fits all parenting doesn’t work. So this book is to help you find out what will work for you and your baby. I’ve included all the information and friendly advice I wish I’d been given before I became a mum for the first time, alongside the routines, shortcuts and tips that worked for me.I hope this book will empower you during your first twelve months of parenthood to trust your own mummy intuition, and to care for your children in your own way – confidently and happily. We all have that intuition, we just need to learn to tune into it! With chapters on feeding, sleeping, wellbeing and lifestyle – as well as how to look after yourself – this book will equip you with all the know-how you need to get you through the sleepless nights and concerns, to all the magical first moments. It’s a collection of everything that worked for me as a new mum – and I hope it works for you, too.Love, Holly xxx
COPYRIGHT (#u7c2c7025-e465-5ae4-bc85-820df110e807)
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An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF
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This edition published by Thorsons 2016
FIRST EDITION
Text © Holly Willoughby 2016
Photographs © Ellis Parrinder 2016 except where indicated
Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2016
Cover photograph © Ellis Parrinder
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While the author of this book has made every effort to ensure that the information contained in this book reflects NICE (National Institute for Health and Care Excellence) and NHS guidelines at the time of publication, medical knowledge is constantly changing and the application of it to particular circumstances depends on many factors. This book is intended as a reference volume only, not as a medical manual. The information given here is designed to help you make informed decisions about you and your baby, and it should be used to supplement rather than replace the advice of your doctor or other trained health professionals. Therefore it is recommended that a qualified medical specialist is always consulted for advice. The author and publishers cannot be held responsible for any errors and omissions that may be found in the text, or any actions that may be taken by a reader as a result of any reliance on the information contained in the text.
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Source ISBN 9780008172527
Ebook Edition © June 2016 ISBN: 9780008172534
Version: 2016-06-24
CONTENTS
COVER (#u2b3a7c28-c024-5d1c-b4e2-fbe6bf185d34)
TITLE PAGE (#ud583955c-6ab1-5001-a41c-a449a257f47c)
COPYRIGHT
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER ONE: FEEDING
01 The need-to-knows and the know-hows (#ulink_21ba6d55-6610-506d-acf2-ba295ab0ac34)
02 Milestones and routines (#ulink_01ace005-874b-5250-881b-d7e06da7d531)
03 Feeding solutions (#ulink_d3515414-d0b7-5ee7-abb7-b19667d85d8c)
CHAPTER TWO: SLEEPING
01 Making the nest (#litres_trial_promo)
02 Milestones and routines (#litres_trial_promo)
03 Sleep solutions (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THREE: WELLBEING
01 Your newborn’s wellbeing (#litres_trial_promo)
02 Caring for your baby (#litres_trial_promo)
03 Growth spurts and developmental milestones (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOUR: LIFESTYLE
01 The serious stuff (#litres_trial_promo)
02 Development and play (#litres_trial_promo)
03 What to do with your days (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIVE: LOOKING AFTER YOU
01 What’s going on with you?! (#litres_trial_promo)
02 Life after having a baby (#litres_trial_promo)
03 Support for you and your new baby (#litres_trial_promo)
SOME EXTRA ADVICE
INDEX OF SEARCHABLE TERMS
THANK YOUS
ABOUT THE PUBLISHER
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I knew I would write this book when I had my first son, Harry. I couldn’t believe how many times I thought – and indeed heard fellow parents say – ‘Why didn’t anybody tell me about this?!’ There’s no two ways about it, becoming a new mum or dad can be incredibly daunting. There’s no other job on the planet this important where you wouldn’t be given first-class training to prepare you, but as babies don’t arrive with an instruction manual, this is me passing on all the things that I found worked for me, in the hope they might help you too. I’ve been blessed with three very different babies, so whilst I don’t profess to have any official childcare qualifications (although all the advice in this book has been checked by a medical professional), I have had a lot of varied experience, coping with, and getting to know, each of my children. In this book I’ll share all the best bits I’ve learnt along the way for how to look after my family.
The best piece of advice I can give you, and which you should try and keep at the forefront of your mind, is YOU KNOW BEST! Albert Einstein himself said, ‘The only really valuable thing is intuition,’ and who are we to argue with a genius?! Listen to intuition, switch off fear. When you first have a baby, you might feel bombarded with advice from friends, family and medical professionals, and some of that advice can be conflicting. This is when you have to sift through what you’ve been told, and then listen to you. I’m going to be really honest with you throughout this book about the decisions I made for my babies and my reasons for making them, but I can’t stress enough how important it is that you go through your own thought processes, filter all the information and make the decisions that are right for you and your baby. Don’t just do things because I’m saying that’s what I did, and don’t avoid doing things because someone else tells you not to. No one knows your child better than you, and the sooner you learn to trust and follow your gut, the more empowered, confident, relaxed and happy you will become as a parent. And, remember, no parent on the planet gets it right all the time. I certainly didn’t, and more often than not the questionable decisions I made were not my own.
In this book, I’ve tried to give the best overview I can of the first year of your baby’s life. Hopefully you’ll find the more baby-led chapters such as Feeding, Sleeping and Wellbeing a really helpful but gentle guide for how to care for your baby, full of the tips that particularly worked for me. Then I’ve talked about Lifestyle and the changes for you and your new family, and what things you can do to make the transition smooth and the outcome even better than before. Lastly, I’ve tried to be as honest as I can in the Looking After You chapter, as at a time when life is so completely different, so are you, and this can feel utterly overwhelming sometimes.
It’s important to say here that this isn’t a rule book. One size most definitely doesn’t fit all when it comes to babies so you need to spend time getting to know your baby to find out what works for you both. You might have to go through ten different soothing methods before you find one your baby likes, for example, and even then it’ll probably be one you made up – see, I told you to listen to your gut! If you’re at that point where nothing seems to be working and you’re at your lowest ebb and most exhausted, try to remember that nothing lasts forever! You’ll be in a completely different place in a month or so – just hang in there.
One final thing I should stress is that new mums don’t always feel an overwhelming surge of love for their new baby when they first give birth. If that’s you, you’re in good company! Please don’t beat yourself up about it. Just make sure you look after yourself and that little baby; you’ve got plenty of time to watch the love flow in – a whole lifetime in fact!
Best of luck to you and that new little baby! Let’s go through this together … deep breath …
Love
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Is it best to breastfeed rather than bottle-feed and will it come naturally?
Your new baby’s finally here, and she’s hungry! How you decide to feed her is ultimately your choice, because the method that’s best is quite simply the one that works for you both. Breastfeeding is often described as the most natural thing in the world, but at times it can be the hardest thing to do. There’s a real art to it and it’s a 50/50 deal – 50 per cent you and 50 per cent your baby.
I put Harry on the breast straight away and went on to feed him successfully. However, a few hours after he was born the midwife asked me whether I’d like to top him up with a bottle so we could both get some sleep. I did this without hesitation and never had any issues putting him back on the breast. Belle arrived nearly six weeks prematurely and, despite being given drugs to slow my labour, I was expressing breast milk before she was even born! With my little reflux baby, Chester, I soon realised that sometimes no matter how hard you try, it doesn’t work out. So my experience is proof that you just never know how it’s going to work for you.
There’s so much to consider with feeding and lots of conflicting advice! Is breast always best? Which formula should you go for? When should you wean? I hope you’ll find some answers in this section that resonate with you, but ultimately – feed your baby the way you want to!
01 (#ulink_8720ed92-6d26-592a-9d3f-327945b4d527)
The need-to-knows and the know-hows Here I’ve tried to give you an overview of all the paraphernalia you’ll need to feed your baby – whether you’re breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, or, like me, doing a bit of both. When you’re trying to breastfeed, establishing your milk supply and feeding successfully can be a bit of a minefield. This section gives you a heads up on what to expect, how things change and some tips for improving your milk supply.
The only thing I would say right now, before you drive yourself crazy, is that breastfeeding doesn’t always work. Even with the best will in the world and the most iron-clad determination (that I had with Chester), sometimes it’s just not meant to be and you’ll end up turning to formula – which is fine! All you can do is research, try everything to make it work and then see how you go. Good luck!
BREAST V. BOTTLE
Before embarking on this age-old debate, I want to stress that however you decide to feed your baby is right. If you’re a milking machine from day dot, then lucky you! If you want to put your baby straight onto formula, then good for you. If you’re hell-bent on breastfeeding, but hitting wall after wall, be at peace with giving formula! As long as you’re comfortable with your decision, it’s right. Feeling guilty and stressed during the first weeks of your baby’s life will be far more detrimental. You’ll have heard the pros and cons of both throughout your pregnancy. So, instead, I’m giving you the breastfeeding ‘headlines’ that convinced me to give it a go:
• Early bonding. Take it from me, when your baby opens her eyes and gazes back at you whilst feeding, you will feel an intensity like you’ve never known.
• Your antibodies are carried through your milk, so how could I not at least try to pass that protection on to my baby? Studies have also shown that breastfeeding has health benefits for you too.
• Breast milk evolves as your baby grows, to suit her specific nutritional needs. Although formula does contain nutrients, it stays exactly the same. Only breast milk is bespoke for your baby.
• For the lazy mum in me, breastfeeding is convenient. It’s available for your baby whenever your baby needs it, there’s no washing up, no sterilising and no warming a bottle in the middle of the night. So, in actual fact, for the lazy mum, once you’ve got it right, this could be for you!
I attempted to breastfeed all three of my babies, and I can say with brutal honesty that each time the first two weeks were very challenging. But I never give up without a fight, and with Harry and Belle I’m happy to say I was very successful. So you can imagine my frustration when with Chester no amount of grit and determination overcame the problems! I opted for bottle-feeding him expressed milk (see here (#ulink_56305f13-5353-5fe4-8862-0afea193d82f)), and eventually switched him to formula. That worked for me, so make sure you find what works for you too.
THE LOW-DOWN: BREASTFEEDING
The golden nectar – colostrum …
Before your breast milk comes in (at some point during the first two weeks after birth), your breasts produce colostrum, which is pure golden nectar to your baby. Colostrum looks a little bit like clear honey and is jam-packed with goodness for your newborn. It doesn’t spurt out like milk; it’s more of a slow trickle. I have to say it’s hard to get your head round the fact that those few droplets are enough to stop your baby from being hungry or thirsty. Colostrum is really potent stuff, fulfilling all your baby’s needs, both nutritional and functional – it’s low in fats, and high in carbohydrates, protein and antibodies to help keep your baby healthy. It helps to protect your baby against infection, and also with that all-important first bowel movement – another reason new mums are really encouraged to give breastfeeding a go. Colostrum may come in before your labour even starts and, if it does, it’s nothing to worry about. If anything it just means that everything is working as it should be and that your baby will be here soon! If this does happen, pop a breast pad into your bra to stop any embarrassing leaks! Breast pads will soon become your new best friend – the times I reached into my handbag for a tissue and ended up with a breast pad stuck to my palm!
Breast-milk production …
To produce good breast milk, you have to have high levels of a hormone called oxytocin – this is often referred to as the love hormone because it’s triggered when you meet the love of your life! Oxytocin is needed for the letdown reflex to trigger your milk flow and can be released simply by looking at your baby, hearing another baby cry, or even just feeling warm and fuzzy. I can remember feeding Chester with the telly on in the background, and the John Lewis Christmas advert came on, the one with Monty the penguin – and I nearly flooded the place!
To have all this lovely oxytocin in your body, you have to be in love with your baby – tick! – but you also need to be well rested, well fed, not too tired and really calm and relaxed. The chances are you’ll be struggling with these bits! So the best piece of advice I can give is to try to look after yourself as best you can as one thing impacts the other. If looking after yourself and your mental state means topping a screaming baby up with a bottle of formula so you can get some sleep and give your milk half a chance of coming in, then do it! If, however, you do make that decision but want ultimately to breastfeed, you should try to express off that missed breastfeed to establish your milk supply. Everyone’s milk production is different. I know I had three quite different experiences with my babies.
Breastfeeding bracelets If you wear a bracelet on the arm corresponding to the breast you last fed from (so your right arm if you fed from your right breast), you’ll never forget which side to use for the next feed. There are lots of lovely mummy bracelets available, or any old hair band will do – just make sure it’s not too tight!
© Shutterstock.com
What to eat whilst breastfeeding …
Your diet It’s often difficult to keep track of mealtimes in the early weeks when you’re so busy with your baby, but try not to skip meals – you need to be well nourished to produce a healthy milk supply. Now is not the time to eat less to lose weight – the old adage of making sure you get your five portions of fruit and veg a day, and a good balance of carbohydrates, protein and dairy foods, is never more important. Breastfeeding can make you extra-hungry so try to reach for a healthy snack, such as a yoghurt or some wholegrain toast, rather than the biscuit tin. These are some other foods that can help improve the quantity and quality of the milk you are producing:
• Oatmeal
• Green leafy vegetables, e.g. spinach
• Oily fish
• Lentils and pulses
• Brown rice
• Nuts and dried fruit
• Fennel and fenugreek seeds
Your baby’s tastebuds How a baby reacts to your diet can vary and, whilst it’s good for the baby to experience different tastes and smells through your breast milk, it’s a case of trial and error. Some mums don’t think twice about eating spicy foods whilst breastfeeding, as it has little or no effect on the baby, but others might find their baby really struggles to digest the milk. Some babies might show signs of lactose intolerance through mum eating a lot of dairy. If you think your baby is suffering in some way (diarrhoea, eczema, bloating, constipation, to name a few symptoms), try eliminating certain foods from your diet to see if there’s an improvement. Don’t overdo it on caffeine and alcohol as both can affect your baby when passed on via your milk supply.
Water I always made sure I had a large bottle of water to hand before I sat down to feed, as I’d quickly become really thirsty. It’s also essential to stay hydrated when you’re breastfeeding as it’s very important for breast-milk production.
courtesy of the author
Cookies … and milk! …
A friend gave me this recipe for lactation cookies. I don’t know whether it was just a placebo, but I definitely felt they made a big difference to my milk production. The magic active ingredients are brewer’s yeast powder (which you can buy from all good health stores), flaxseed and some good-quality rolled oats. I’ve added raisins, but experiment substituting (or adding) things you love. Good flavour combinations are cranberries and white chocolate chips, and dates and walnuts.
The magic ingredients
—
2 tbsp milled flaxseed
220g unsalted butter, softened
310g golden caster sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract or ground cinnamon
3 tbsp brewer’s yeast powder
1 tsp salt
280g self-raising flour
130g rolled oats
150g raisins
—
Makes about 18 cookies
1. Preheat oven to 180°C/350°F/Gas mark 4 and line a baking sheet with greaseproof paper.
2. Mix the flaxseed and 4 tablespoons of water together in a mug and leave for about 5 minutes.
3. In a large bowl, beat together the butter and caster sugar (or use a food mixer). Add the eggs and beat in, followed by the vanilla extract or cinnamon and the flaxseed mixture.
4. In a separate bowl, sift in the brewer’s yeast, salt and self-raising flour and mix together. Add this to the wet ingredients and mix well.
5. Stir in the oats and raisins (or whatever extra ingredients you’ve chosen), so that they’re evenly dispersed through the dough. If you’re using an electric mixer, you should do this part manually with a spoon.
6. Take a lump of dough (roughly a heaped dessertspoon) and, with your hands, roll into a ball. Place on the baking sheet, flattening the ball slightly with the back of a wooden spoon.
7. Repeat with the rest of the mixture, leaving a decent-size gap between the cookies because they spread as they cook. I find six balls in two rows of three work best in terms of them not sticking together.
8. Bake for 12–15 minutes, until golden. My oven produces perfect results after 14 minutes, so it’s trial and error!
9. Remove from the oven and set aside for 5-10 minutes to firm up. Then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely, or dig in whilst still warm!
Switching to formula …
You’ll have been told that the official guidelines are to feed your baby solely on breast milk for the first six months. But sometimes you may decide that breastfeeding either isn’t for you or isn’t for your baby, and the reasons for this are broad and wide. Whatever your reason, you’ve got one and that’s good enough for me – and it should be good enough for anybody else too (family members, midwives, health visitors, fellow mums!). Some possible reasons for calling it a day on breastfeeding are:
• You’re not making enough milk to satisfy your baby so she’s not gaining weight.
• You’ve been ill and, whether or not that ended up in a hospital stay, your milk production has lost momentum.
• You’ve had mastitis (painful engorging of the breasts – see here (#litres_trial_promo)), which can sometimes lead to your milk supply drying up.
• You’re simply too tired or overwhelmed by the breastfeeding schedule.
If you’ve reached this point and are feeling dreadful about it, ask yourself how many people you know who weren’t breastfed. Do you think it’s had a detrimental effect on their lives? The answer is likely to be … NO! So why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? A contented baby and equally contented mummy is the most important thing, so be at peace!
HOW TO: BREASTFEED
Getting it ‘right’ …
It amazes me how newborns put onto the breast immediately try to latch on. It’s as if they know more than you and are saying, ‘Come on, Mum! I know how to do this!’ Did you know that your newborn just happens to be able to see as far as the distance from your nipple to your nose, so as she is feeding your face is the clearest thing to her? And that your nipples are expanded and darkened during early motherhood so that your baby can find them easily? Mother Nature really does think of everything!
To be able to feed your baby is a special bond, but there are plenty of other opportunities to bond – don’t worry!
But, remember, no two babies are the same. You might be a milking machine for your first baby and then a complete novice with the second. Or you and your baby just might never meet in the middle. The bottom line with breastfeeding is if your baby is happy and gaining weight, you’re doing it right.
To begin with, there are many things to try: where and what time to breastfeed, how to position yourself and the baby, how the baby latches on. You may be told that if you’re doing it properly, breastfeeding won’t hurt. Rubbish! A good friend of mine is a maternity and breastfeeding expert. Now she has her own children she feels insanely guilty that she told so many mums that it shouldn’t hurt. It wasn’t until she attempted to put all her advice into practice that she realised she didn’t have the answers after all! Unfortunately it’s always likely to hurt for the first couple of weeks, but once you’ve got the hang of it, it should get easier. If it doesn’t, seek advice and help from your health visitor, midwife or GP. I’ve also covered breastfeeding issues and resolutions in the last section of this chapter (see pages here (#litres_trial_promo)).
Getting your baby to ‘latch’ …
Just as every baby is different, every latch is different, but here are some pointers to help you. If your baby keeps coming off the breast or she is uncomfortable, simply try putting her on again. It does take practice.
Positioning Make sure you are comfortable (see here (#ulink_ba2e92c7-9a61-5e90-bf24-14f44382627f)) and that your baby’s mouth is level with your nipple. She should be close enough to reach the nipple without straining for it, with her head and body in a straight line.
Latching To encourage your baby to open her mouth nice and wide, touch your nipple to her lips and mouth so that she can taste the milk. Then as soon as she opens her mouth, move your baby’s head up and over the nipple, pushing as much of the areola in as possible. Free the bottom lip if it gets dragged in slightly to perfect the seal around the breast. The tip of the nipple should be deep inside her mouth or those strong little gums will hurt it. Don’t worry about your baby not being able to breathe whilst feeding. As long as you’re gently supporting her neck and shoulders and not clamping her head against your breast, she will pull away if she needs to. A good latch will mean your baby is positioned really closely against your breast.
Shaping Us mummies are all different shapes and sizes and babies only have little mouths, so you may have to forge out the perfect mouthful. To do this, hold your breast from underneath and use your thumb and fingers like pincers either side to squeeze the nipple and areola into a shape that’s easier for your baby to take.
Checking the latch If your baby is latched on correctly, after a few rapid sucks she should revert to slow, rhythmic sucking, which you can watch with great satisfaction if you look at her neck as she gulps the milk down.
Seeking help Once you get the latch right, you’ll never look back. If you are struggling, seek help from your health visitor or a breastfeeding organisation (#litres_trial_promo). Like I said before, breastfeeding is an art – sadly, so many women give up in those early months due to lack of advice.
Breastfeeding positions to try …
First, make sure you have plenty of cushions around you for comfort and support. Feeding can take a while, especially in these early days, so it’s important you have everything you need to hand.
Try to get your baby to empty one breast before offering the second. When she is really small, she probably won’t take the second, but if you’ve stuck to one breast, you can be more sure your baby has completed the milk cycle and taken all the nutrients she needs out of a feed. For the first few minutes on the breast your baby suckles foremilk, which is the thinner, thirst-quenching stuff, before she is hit with the fattier, richer hindmilk.
Cradle hold
This is the classic breastfeeding image of a baby suckling at the breast. It’s great if you can make it work as it’s a relaxed and comfortable position for both of you that you can do anywhere without needing too many props! Just make sure you have a pillow under the arm the baby’s head is resting on.
I used the cradle hold with Chester, and when we were struggling to feed I was advised to sit in an upright chair, place my feet on a footstool and use a breastfeeding U-shaped pillow to support him. Apparently it’s the optimum feeding position and it definitely eased the strain on my back in those difficult days.
Cross cradle hold
This is similar to the cradle hold but the baby’s head is supported by your hand rather than in the crook of your arm. It helps if you place a pillow across your lap.
Rugby ball hold
This position is particularly good for feeding twins and for breastfeeding after a Caesarean as the baby doesn’t rest on your wound.
Lying down on your side
Lay your baby on the bed flat on the mattress and you do the same, positioning your nipple level with her mouth. You might have to lean in slightly. This is a relaxing position for both of you.
Laidback hold
Lay your baby on her tummy vertically along your body. Make sure she’s properly latched on so she doesn’t drag on the nipple.
Expressing breast milk …
Expressing milk means extracting breast milk by hand or using a pump. The milk can be kept for a feed, so anyone can give it, not just you! Regular expressing is a great way to help establish your milk supply. Other good reasons to express:
• It frees you up to have a well-earned snooze.
• You might be struggling with feeding your baby directly from the breast, but still want to give her breast milk (and keep your supply up).
• Your baby might not be emptying the breast fully, so you need to express off the rest.
• You are suffering from a breast infection or engorged breasts and it’s too painful to feed directly.
I expressed in different ways, for different reasons and with varying regularity, for each of my babies. In all honesty I think you need to focus on getting your milk really established for the first three months, which means looking to feed or express every three to four hours, ideally. This might sound like an arduous task at a time when you’ve never been so tired, but after you’ve put the work in your milk will be there, and more often than not it won’t go away even if you want it to!
There’s a lot of talk about expressing between feeds to increase your milk supply and I think it certainly helps, particularly if you’re struggling with breastfeeding. If your baby is taking some milk from the breast but not emptying it, offer her a bottle of expressed milk if you have some stored – or formula – to top her up. And then express the rest of the breast to empty it fully. This way your milk will replenish and there will be plenty there for the next feed. If you are part bottle- and part breastfeeding, you might hear the term ‘nipple confusion’. Personally I think this is rubbish! If you get your baby used to anything early on and keep swapping from one thing to another, she will see it as normal, but you should consider all the facts for yourself and make your own decision about this.
Due to Chester’s reflux, I battled with breastfeeding for two and a half months until, eventually, I had to face the fact that breastfeeding was just not for him. He couldn’t get on with it and it wasn’t making him happy, which was stressing me out, which in turn was having an effect on my milk supply. I ended up expressing every feed for the next few months until I decided that expressing, on top of sterilising and feeding with two other children in tow, was just too much and it was time to hit the formula.
If, like me with Harry, you are successfully breastfeeding all your feeds, I don’t think you need to express in between, unless you want to express a bottle for your partner to give the baby so you can head to bed early and get a decent sleep! With all three of my children I expressed one of the night feeds for Dan to give so I could get to bed after the 7pm feed. But I would still wake up at around 11pm to express off that feed and save it for the following night, or else my breasts would have engorged or I’d have risked my milk not replenishing enough for the last night feed.
Breast pumps Breast pumps simulate a baby’s sucking action to get your milk flowing but there are so many to choose from! I think it’s better to see what your situation is before you buy a pump. When I was pregnant with Harry I googled one of those ‘What to buy for your baby’ lists and went shopping, and one of the things on the list was an electric breast pump. It wasn’t until I actually used it that I discovered it was really noisy, which isn’t ideal in the middle of the night when you’ve finally got the baby off to sleep. I didn’t really need to express much at all with Harry, so I tried a manual hand pump instead, which was a fraction of the price, much quieter and completely portable (although it did of course take longer to express the milk).
So work out the best and cheapest expressing option for you. Mummy websites review most of the main brands and there are plenty of discussion threads. Pumps vary quite a bit in price, from the basic manual hand pump I had with Harry to hospital-grade double electric pumps. When I realised what sort of feeding regime I was in for with Chester, I rented one of these; because it was a double pump it was much quicker – and quieter – than my old shop-bought electric one.
Does expressing hurt? There’s no two ways about it – when you’re expressing milk you’ll feel like a cow with its udders hooked up to a milking machine! But it shouldn’t hurt. If you’re using an electric pump there will be several power settings, and if you’ve got it cranked up to the highest one, hoping to produce more milk, you’ll be in agony and probably produce less milk than you would if it was on a lower, more comfortable setting. Experiment to find the comfiest setting for you. If you’re in pain, you won’t produce the oxytocin that triggers your milk letdown (see here (#ulink_5f7aa22e-6c0d-57e5-90ea-92a26484b302)).
Another reason for expressing being painful might be the size of the part of the pump that covers the nipple. If your nipple is too big and is being squashed on all sides once you start the machine up, you might need a bigger part. There should be space around the nipple or it’s naturally going to chafe, so find out if your pump has different sizes.
Once you get it right, expressing should be really easy and you’ll soon find ways of clamping the cones into your breastfeeding bra so you can be hands-free to blow-dry your hair whilst pumping! Every second of you-time counts!
Storing breast milk Freshly expressed breast milk should be placed in the fridge immediately and kept for no longer than 72 hours. If you put it in freezer bags or those special milk bags and date it, you can freeze it for up to six months. Remember that breast milk changes as your baby grows and her needs evolve. If you’re giving her a feed you expressed two months ago, there may not be all the nutrients she needs at that point. So if you are freezing milk, use the earliest dates first.
Milky goodness A good reason for freezing a little breast milk is that it contains natural antibodies that are good for eye infections, little cuts, etc. Even if you’re not feeding any more and your milk production has stopped, you might have something in the freezer to treat your nine-month-old’s conjunctivitis! (Although check with your GP first!)
THE LOW-DOWN: BOTTLE-FEEDING
If you’re exclusively using formula, I’d recommend buying a formula dispenser. These are cheap to buy and usually have about three compartments so that you can measure out the right amount for each feed in advance. These dispensers are great if you are using a narrow-neck bottle, as they act like a funnel and are particularly handy when you’re out and about – or if you need to make up a bottle in the middle of the night and have lost the mental ability to count scoops accurately (it happens!).
Choosing a formula …
All the formulas contain similar stuff, but I picked one with added prebiotics. These are naturally found in breast milk and help to promote the production of friendly bacteria in your baby’s gut to boost her immune system. If you find that your baby is struggling to keep her feeds down every time, it’s worth trying another brand to see if it makes any difference.
Formulas suitable from birth have whey as their main ingredient as it’s easy to digest and nutritionally closest to breast milk. If you find you have a very hungry baby, and one that is putting on a lot of weight due to the amount of milk she’s consuming, you can get hungrier formulas, which use casein as their main ingredient. Casein is harder to digest and means that your baby won’t need to feed so often, but only use this if your baby fits the profile, otherwise it can wreak havoc on your baby’s digestion, which will leave you all in a pickle!
At about six months you can consider moving your baby to follow-on milk. I did because it contains extra vitamins for older babies, but there’s another school of thought that says they get those vitamins from solid foods once you’re weaning. Whether you choose to keep your baby on breast, infant or follow-on, don’t start her on cow’s milk until she’s twelve months old.
Formula comes as powder that you have to make up or ready-made in cartons. Of course, the little ready-made cartons are easier and more convenient to use, but they’re also a very expensive option. I always bought the big drums of powder, which I used at home, alongside a portable formula dispenser for when I was out and about. That said, there are occasions when a ready-made carton of formula is like the Holy Grail to a mum out and about! Perhaps you didn’t put the lid on properly and your bottle of boiled water has leaked all over your bag; or you brought the bottles out with you, but forgot the formula dispenser. There will be at least one occasion when you find yourself running into the nearest chemist for a pricey carton of ready-made formula. And, believe me, you’ll never feel more grateful for modern convenience!
How much formula to give …
There will be feeding guidelines on the back of every formula container to help you work out the recommended amounts according to your baby’s age and approximate weight. These guidelines are definitely worth considering, but crucially, don’t forget that no two children are the same. They’re all born at different birth weights, so, for example, the guidelines at two weeks for a baby born weighing 7lb (3kg) might not be enough food for one born weighing 10lb (4½kg). As with everything, adapt the rules to suit your baby.
Which bottle? …
There are so many different bottles – breast-shaped bottles, anti-colic bottles, coloured bottles, glass bottles! So how do you choose the right one? Again, it’s down to personal preference.
I used BPA (bisphenol A)-free bottles, which are made from food-grade plastic as opposed to one that might leak the chemical into your baby’s milk. In fact, with Chester, I opted for traditional glass bottles. I know they’re not to everyone’s taste, but I absolutely loved them. Because I had to bottle-feed him from so young, I liked the fact he wasn’t having a plastic bottle. It just felt purer to me. Apart from the risk of them getting broken, they’re also quite heavy, so if your baby is intent on holding her bottle maybe opt for plastic!
I used basic bottles with Harry but tried the anti-colic bottles with Belle, and I think they’re worth a whirl if you have any colic/reflux concerns (see here (#litres_trial_promo)). The only downside is that they have even more parts to them, so there’s even more to sterilise and assemble!
Which teat? …
Teats come in lots of different shapes, sizes and materials. It’s a matter of preference but be aware you can get slow, medium or fast flow. If the hole in the teat is too big for your baby, she’ll drink too quickly, leaving you in a world of winding pain! If the teat is too small, she’ll have to suck really hard, which will leave her frustrated and possibly too tired to finish the bottle. There’s a risk you’ll mistake an exhausted baby for a satisfied sleepy one because she’s had to work so hard to feed. When changing teats, give her a few feeds to get used to it, but if the milk is flooding out, you’ve moved up a size too early.
Bear in mind that your baby has to work harder to suck the milk from your breast than from a bottle, so it’s not the change in vessel that frustrates her, it’s the speed she’s getting the milk. If you are combining breast and bottle, perhaps keep a slower-flow teat for longer. This will keep your baby having to work harder at the teat, so there isn’t such a big difference between bottle and breast. That said, be sure she is getting enough milk and isn’t frustrated.
© Shutterstock.com
Cold or warm milk …
The pros of cold milk It’s totally up to you whether you want to warm your baby’s milk before you give it to her! Some people say babies drink and digest warm milk better (and do be aware of the official guidelines - see here (#ulink_30b4670a-7420-5d9a-9ec2-6b942aceb865)), but if yours is happy with a cold bottle then why make a rod for your own back? It’s a pain in the neck if you’re out and about and you suddenly have to heat a bottle for a screaming baby who’s decided she’s hungry half an hour earlier than you expected, especially as many cafés and restaurants won’t heat milk for you for health and safety reasons. It’s equally frustrating having to warm a bottle in the middle of the night. It’s far easier to have ready-cooled bottles of water on your bedside table, tip in the formula from the dispenser, give it to your baby and then all go back to sleep. The less paraphernalia you need for your baby, the better!
How to warm milk If you decide to warm your baby’s milk, there are numerous electric bottle warmers on the market, but in my opinion these tend to take longer to warm a bottle than standing it in a jug of boiling water. Not to mention, it’s just another thing you have to find a plug socket for on the kitchen work surface!
When I asked about using a microwave to save time, I was told you can use them but it’s safer not to. Microwaving doesn’t evenly distribute heat through the milk, so there’s a chance your baby will scald her mouth on patches of boiling liquid.
Test the temperature by tipping a few drops onto the back of your hand. If should feel just warm, not hot.
Shortcuts for warming milk I didn’t warm milk for my first two children, but because Chester needed the carobel thickener (see here (#litres_trial_promo)) in his milk for his reflux, I had to warm it for it to dissolve properly. Determined to make bottle-warming as hassle-free as possible, I devised a quick and easy plan once he’d moved on to formula. When I went up to bed, I would take a thermos flask of boiling water and, say he was having a 7oz bottle, I would fill a sterilised bottle with 6oz of cooled boiled water. Then when Chester needed a night feed, I would top the cooled bottle up with 1oz of boiling water from the flask, which made it the perfect temperature for the formula and carobel to dissolve and Chester to drink right away (although with carobel you do need to leave the milk to thicken for a few minutes). Likewise, during the day, say I was going out at midday for the afternoon, I’d put 7oz of freshly boiled water in a bottle, then zip it up in a bottle cosy so it would cool down slowly. By 3pm it would have cooled just enough to add the formula and be the perfect temperature for a hungry baby. But if Chester hadn’t had reflux, he would have been getting room-temperature milk all day long!
Is my baby thirsty? Should I give her water? …
I was told that, as a rule, babies get all the fluid they need from milk and shouldn’t need any extra water. If it’s a boiling hot day, you should feed your baby more often to stop her from becoming dehydrated.
HOW TO: BOTTLE-FEED
Whatever position works best for you, make sure you are positioned comfortably and have everything you need to hand. When you begin, your baby should make a seal around the teat with her lips to stop her swallowing too much air as she feeds. If there’s milk pouring down her chin during a feed, try adjusting the position of the teat in her mouth. It should be straight, not at too much of an angle. If her lips are dragged in when you put the teat in at first, give the bottle a gentle twist to release her lips.
Your baby’s head should be slightly tilted back, so there’s plenty of room in her throat for the milk to flow down. If you’re not holding her upright enough, it will be difficult for her to swallow freely. It’s also very important that the teat is completely full with milk. Otherwise, any air in the teat will get swallowed along with the milk and you’ll end up with a very windy baby on your hands.
Bottle-feeding positions to try …
Cradle hold
Hold your baby in this classic hold, where you rest her head in the bend of your arm and support her body with the rest of your arm. Her head should be positioned higher than her feet so she’s slightly upright, preventing any milk from making its way into her ear and causing an ear infection. This leaves you a free hand to hold the bottle.
Sitting-up hold
Sit your baby up and lean her against your chest or rest her head in the bend of your arm. This is a great position for reflux babies and one I used a lot with Chester. It’s also great for nosy babies who want to look around whilst they’re feeding!
The face-to-face lap hold
You can do this sitting or lying. Bend your knees to make a slope and prop your baby up against your thighs, facing you. This is really nice for both of you as you can look at each other and your baby will feel fairly independent!
Pillow hold
You don’t need to always hold your baby when you bottle-feed her. If, for example, you have backache you can prop her up on a pillow and feed her that way. You can still make eye contact with her and talk to her as you feed. The only thing to bear in mind is you mustn’t let her fall asleep, as this isn’t a safe position for her to sleep in (see here (#litres_trial_promo)).
Making up formula: the rules …
If you follow the instructions on the formula container, it will advise you to make up each bottle, one at a time, as and when you need it using the following steps:
1. Sterilise the bottle.
2. Boil the water, then let it cool for about 10 minutes before adding it to the bottle. It will still be hot. (Don’t boil the water multiple times, thinking you’re making it cleaner! Apparently over-boiling intensifies chemicals in the water. Think sauce reduction and how much it intensifies the flavour!)
3. Add the correct number of formula scoops to the water.
4. Cool to the perfect temperature for your baby.
5. Feed to your baby immediately.
Making up formula: the cheat’s way! …
However, I’m going to be honest with you, I didn’t do it this way. This is one of those alarm-bell moments, where you need to weigh up the official advice against my experience and make your own choice. Current guidelines say you should heat the water you mix with formula to 70˚ or above to minimise the chance of any nasty bacteria forming, so while below was my preferred option, it’s really up to you. If, like me, you just don’t have the time or the inclination to repeat formula preparation steps 1–5 several times a day, you might find this alternative way useful.
After consulting several midwives and medical professionals about how far to take official formula advice, here’s what I found out to help make life a little bit easier:
• Once sterilised, bottles will remain sterile for up to 24 hours as long as the lids are screwed on – whether you’ve left them empty or have put cooled boiled water in. So sterilise all your bottles for the next 24 hours in one hit, fill with the correct amount of water and pop the lids on.
• Pre-prepared bottles with only cooled boiled water in can be left at room temperature for 24 hours so you can add the formula just before you feed your baby, unless of course you give your baby warmed milk, in which case you’ll have to warm the bottle (see here (#ulink_fa5affa9-729d-507e-a831-4be0e15b42a4)).
• You also have the option of adding the formula to completely make up the bottles after you’ve cooled the water, which means you have no milk to make up when your baby is hungry. If you do this, these ready-made bottles need to be refrigerated and kept cool when you’re out and about, and washed and sterilised again after 24 hours whether your baby has touched them or not.
• Never save a half-drunk bottle of formula for later, otherwise you’re opening your baby up to all sorts of harmful bacteria. You might feel like you’re wasting so much formula but this will only happen in those early days. Soon your baby will be knocking back the whole bottle in one feeding session so there won’t be any wastage at all.
The bottom line is whichever way you choose to make up bottles, you must wash, sterilise and replenish everything every 24 hours.
Washing and Sterilising …
It’s really important to wash all your feeding paraphernalia with washing-up liquid and hot water before sterilising, as sterilising doesn’t do both jobs. Here’s a step-by-step guide:
1. If you can, rinse bottles straight after a feed as it will save you scrubbing time at the sink later on! The best thing to get for bottles is a bottle brush. Squeeze on the washing-up liquid and make sure you get into all the nooks and crannies around the screw top and lid as well as the bottle itself.
2. Now squeeze some washing-up liquid into the teats and squidge it around, inside and out, with your fingers to make sure every millimetre is covered, then rinse the whole lot off under the tap so that there aren’t any suds left.
3. After rinsing, sterilise everything.
4. You don’t need to sterilise the bottle brush every time, but if your house is anything like mine, put it somewhere safe and separate to let everyone know it’s for bottles only, or at some point it’ll get used to scrub the grill pan!
Sterilisers I had a worktop steam steriliser for my first two babies, but I bought a microwave steriliser when I had Chester and loved it. I found it much quicker, more portable and, best of all, it didn’t clutter up the kitchen worktop!
You can also get dishwashers with a special bottle-sterilising program, although I’m not sure whether I would have trusted it. It’s just as easy and, to be honest, far quicker, to use a steamer steriliser than wait for a dishwasher to be full up enough to put through a cycle, and then wait another hour for it to go through. Take comfort in the fact that sterilising isn’t a life sentence, although it will at times feel like you spend all your time filling and unfilling your steriliser! Once your baby reaches about six months you can switch from sterilisers to the dishwasher, but for the moment, that steriliser will become an extension of your left arm, making bottles, teats, dummies and breast-pump components safe for your baby.
HOW MUCH FOOD IS YOUR BABY GETTING?
Breastfeeding …
It’s impossible to tell how much milk your baby is getting when you’re breastfeeding. I became so obsessed about it with Chester that I started to weigh him before and after every feed, but I think that’s the crazy behaviour of a mother with a reflux baby who’s not putting much weight on. I didn’t do that with Harry or Belle because I could see that they were gaining weight and were fine. The mistake I made with Chester was comparing the way he fed to my first two. He just didn’t seem to be taking as much milk as they did, and although he was making some progress with weight he wasn’t where Harry had been at that age. And there was a lesson learnt. All babies are different, and I can’t say that often enough. What I really should have asked myself was: is Chester happy? Is he sleeping? Does he have plenty of wet and dirty nappies? Is he gaining weight? Does he seem content after a feed? The chances are, if you’ve answered yes to all those things, then your baby is getting enough to eat!
If you’re worried because your baby won’t settle and you think she’s hungry, that’s not going to help your oxytocin levels (see here (#ulink_5f7aa22e-6c0d-57e5-90ea-92a26484b302)), so seek advice from your midwife or health visitor. If you want to breastfeed and you’re giving it a good go but are worried, then ask for some formula. Whatever your thoughts and concerns, just make sure you’re getting all the answers that you need.
Remember: Happy, rested mummy = oxytocin = happy, sleepy baby.
Bottle-feeding …
If you’re bottle-feeding, it’s easy to keep a tally of how much your baby is taking by seeing how much is left in the bottle after a feed (the same goes for if you’re feeding expressed breast milk). As long as you’re getting your baby weighed regularly and she’s not vastly overweight or underweight, then she is getting the right amount to eat.
Baby clinic …
You’ll have various visits during the first couple of weeks from the midwives and then the health visitor and they’ll weigh your baby. Once the visits stop you’ll be issued with a PCHR red book (Personal Child Health Record), which you’ll take along to a baby clinic once every few weeks or so (less frequently as your baby gets older) for your baby to be weighed and measured. The book contains percentile charts that help you to track your baby’s development against the national average. There are different charts for boys and girls because they grow at different rates. The most important thing to remember about these charts is not whether your child is on the 40th or 100th percentile for weight or height, but whether she’s consistently measuring around that percentile every time. There would only be cause for concern if, for example, your baby suddenly dropped from the 100th to the 40th percentile.
Early weight loss It’s normal for newborns to lose up to 10 per cent of birth weight in the first week. They’ll all start bouncing back by the end of the second week. Between one and four months, babies put on an average of 1.5–2lb (½–1kg) per month. By six months, babies have usually doubled their birth weight, and by twelve months it’s tripled.
WINDING
Why and how often? …
Don’t be tempted not to disturb your beautiful, milk-drunk baby after a feed. If you lay her down without winding her, the chances are she’ll fall asleep, but then two minutes later become a screaming, trapped-wind monster! Wind her once or twice after every feed – and if you have a really windy baby, once or twice during the feed. She will invariably let you know when she needs winding by stopping feeding and squirming slightly, or crying.
There’s never a reason not to wind your baby; it can only do good. That said, if you wind her too often, and she’s getting agitated because she wants to drink, perhaps you don’t have such a windy baby on your hands and winding her once at the end of a feed will be enough. As with everything, once you get to know your baby, how best to wind her will become instinctive.
Little guzzlers Some babies take in too much air as they gulp down their milk, so they will probably stop halfway through, desperate for you to get the air out of their tummy. Babies might also confuse air in their tummy with feeling full and refuse the rest of a feed, meaning that they’re not getting enough to eat, so make sure you give them a thorough winding.
‘Muslins, muslins everywhere, on my shoulders, on my chair, everywhere.’ Ha! Muslins are better than bibs because you can whip them away quickly if your baby has been sick and easily put them over your shoulder or across your lap to protect your clothing. I’d rather wash 20 muslins a day than have to get a newborn – and myself – changed every two seconds!
Winding positions to try …
Classic sitting
Sit your baby on your lap, support her chest with the palm of your hand, and cup her chin and neck with your thumb and fingers, whilst patting her back.
Across lap
Lay your baby on your lap with her head slightly elevated and tap her back to release any wind.
Over-the-shoulder
Hold your baby over your shoulder and gently tap her back to release the wind.
Across arm
Holding your baby face down across your forearm, with her head resting in the crook of your elbow, will put a slight pressure on her tummy and help to release trapped wind.
WEANING
Heat-sensitive spoons You can buy rubber spoons that are gentle on toothless gums and usefully change colour if the food is too hot!
When to wean …
A baby’s digestive system has to be mature enough to take solid food and they have to be sufficiently developed physically (i.e. be able to hold their head up), so the guidelines are to start at six months – everything the baby needs is in breast milk until that age. However, a health professional might recommend early weaning for numerous reasons. As Chester had reflux, I was advised to wean him at about five months. Also if you have a baby who’s permanently hungry and the milk just doesn’t seem to be cutting it any more, starting her on a few solids may help. A sure-fire sign she is ready is if she watches you when you’re eating, following the food’s journey from your plate to your mouth!
Ultimately, it’s up to you when to start weaning. It’s lovely to finally feed your baby proper food and see all that fresh fruit and vegetable goodness going into her. This is definitely one of those situations when you know best. If you think your baby isn’t satisfied by her milk intake alone, then try a little purée. But if you try it at or before six months and your baby rejects everything, perhaps it’s a bit too early. Leave it, and try again a week later. Sometimes if you wean babies around other, older children, it can help them to make sense of what those solids are all about.
Head of the table …
I can’t say enough about investing in a baby chair that pulls up to the table, rather than a standard highchair, so your child feels like part of the dinner party! Babies are like sponges and learn everything from their surroundings, so there’s no substitute for them sitting down to meals with their family to see what you should and shouldn’t do at the dinner table. Rather than you telling them not to tip their bowl all over their head, they’ll soon learn it’s not the done thing if they don’t see anyone else doing it. Children all fidget at the table but letting them move around with food is dangerous – they could fall and choke and it makes more mess too. Sitting them at the table early on is safer and might mean they develop lovely table manners!
What worked for me …
I kicked things off with all of my children by introducing a little baby rice into their diet. I’d come down for breakfast, make up their morning bottle, pour a bit into a bowl with a couple of teaspoons of baby rice, then try feeding it to them on a spoon, interspersed with their milk from the bottle. A bit from the spoon, then a bit from the bottle and so on, just to get them used to this new texture and way of eating. Then I’d do the same at lunchtime with a little whizzed-up vegetable purée. Carrots, sweet potatoes and courgettes are all gentle flavours to start with. I didn’t start them on any meat straight away, but did add fish to the vegetable purées as it’s kinder on the stomach.
This all worked really well for Harry and Belle. They took to it straight away, whereas Chester insisted on doing everything all by himself. He had no interest in taking anything from the spoon I was holding, so I had to give him an extra spoon, which seemed to appease him. Another thing I did differently very early on for Chester was to try a bit of baby-led weaning. This means that you don’t whizz everything up, but instead you steam a bit of carrot or broccoli and, once cooled, give it to your baby to hold, so that she’s in control of holding it and putting it into her mouth. With Chester, most of it would end up on the floor but enough went in that I didn’t worry and he still had milk to accompany every meal, so I wasn’t concerned about him going hungry.
How to whizz! …
If you’re making up little purées, invest in a hand blender so you can cook up a carrot or two at a time and then blend and feed. You don’t need one of those big all-singing, all-dancing blenders for the little portions they need at the puréeing stage. To save time and money, you may want to make up purées in batches to freeze. As they progress and grow older you can stop using the blender altogether and just mash food with a fork, then start cutting it into small bites. As you begin to introduce chunkier food, beware of choking hazards (see my warning (#ulink_ec5fde76-f1a8-516f-84e2-b3f32a918d59)).
I tried to introduce lots of foods as quickly as possible. Making three different meals for three different people just isn’t practical so my children, Chester in particular, have always had what we were all eating – just a whizzed-up or mashed version of it in the early stages.
Weaning warning …
If you are giving your baby sticks of vegetables to hold, such as carrots and broccoli, steam them slightly to soften them so they’re easier to bite into and digest, especially given a baby’s limited number of teeth! Cut fruits such as grapes and satsuma segments into very small pieces to reduce the risk of them getting stuck in your baby’s throat. I always peeled apples, too, as the skin can be tough to chew and a choking hazard. I was also told that a banana (before being mashed) is one of the most dangerous choking hazards as there’s nothing to grab hold of if you need to pull it out. It’s the fact that bananas are soft and break off that makes them so dangerous. As soon as your baby starts to crawl or even toddle around – you might have one who’s on her feet before twelve months – don’t let her move about whilst eating.
New foods and flavours …
Ultimately you want to give your baby a varied diet and get her used to a multitude of different flavours – so before she discovers chicken nuggets (they all do!), encourage her to eat a rainbow of colourful foods. I’d suggest trying one new food at a time to make sure your baby isn’t allergic to it, and introduce it with something you know she likes so she’s less likely to refuse it at the first offering.
There are some brilliant ready-made foods out there and I always had a stash in the cupboard for convenience. Steaming and puréeing isn’t always possible, so don’t feel guilty for using them, but they are expensive compared with making homemade batches, particularly if you buy organic, which I tried to.
If at first you don’t succeed! It can be frustrating to watch your baby grimace and spit out your lovingly made, delicious homemade purée, but her tastebuds are developing – what she dislikes one week might be a firm favourite the next! Portion out anything she doesn’t like, label it and pop it in the freezer to try another time.
© Shutterstock.com
02 (#ulink_be2dcc0c-4eca-507b-af89-bf632116843e)
Milestones and routines In this section I’m going to outline the various milestones you can expect and give you the routines I used for all my babies (which you can use in conjunction with the timetables you’ll find in the Sleeping chapter – see here (#litres_trial_promo)). Only use them as a guide for what to expect or aim for, however, and don’t get downhearted if your baby won’t play ball!
Some of my children took to a routine quicker than others. It’s all about having a goal and a reasonable expectation of what’s achievable. The word ‘routine’ might suggest an exact science but, as we all know, babies dance to their own tune, so be patient. As long as you troubleshoot the reasons why your baby might not be eating much or at decent intervals and try to adapt your feeding to rectify any problems, then she will get there in the end. They all do! Tomorrow is another day and a new opportunity for your baby to form good habits.
FEEDING MILESTONES: WHAT TO EXPECT
Very roughly (I cannot stress enough how all babies are different!), this is what you can expect over the coming months …
First few days and weeks In the early days you’ll be feeding constantly. Newborns have such little tummies that they need lots of small feeds to keep them topped up.
6 weeks–3 months During this period your little one will hopefully start having fuller feeds – hence a fuller tummy – and longer gaps between each one.
3–6 months By about three months you might start to notice your baby is really starting to respond to your gentle encouragement to get her into more of a pattern with feeding (and sleeping, as the two go hand in hand). If you only try to eke her out for an extra 5–10 minutes each feed, by the end of the day, and then the end of the week, you might find she is going a whole hour longer and eating more to boot.
6 months–1 year Once your baby reaches about six months, hopefully she’ll be in some sort of routine that suits you and your family. She might not be waking for any night feeds at all and, as a result, you’ll be getting the unbroken night’s sleep you’ve been dreaming of since the end-of-pregnancy insomnia began! It’s also during this time that you’ll probably start moving on to weaning (#ulink_32daced1-9648-587b-8b51-4bc03fb4f070). Get the blender ready!
ESTABLISHING A ROUTINE
First few days and weeks: feed, feed, feed …
I’m a big believer in feeding your baby as much as you like, as often as you like, in those first few days and weeks. You and your baby are just getting to know each other, and all that skin-to-skin contact you have whilst feeding, whether you choose to breastfeed or bottle-feed, is really nice for both of you. Breast milk, in particular, is easily digested, so it might seem in those first few days that your baby is never off the breast. But that’s all good. There’s plenty of time to get her into a routine. Some mums worry about snacking and that the baby is using them as a comforter or human dummy, but I say, SO WHAT! Some people seem to think that babies are born manipulative and that we need to teach them a lesson very early on to nip it in the bud, or these needy babies will go on to rule the home! Errr … when did we become so cynical? I think we are all so concerned with how our parenting will affect our children in the long term that we forget that the most simple thing they need from the start is love, and love will get all that yummy oxytocin flowing that helps with your milk production.
Sleepy feeder Some newborns can be very sleepy, so should they be woken for a feed? I’m a bit torn on this one, as it breaks my heart to ever wake a sleeping baby, but then the arguments for feeding regularly to establish your milk supply and ensure your baby doesn’t weaken are equally valid. I chose to let my babies sleep in those first couple of days and fed them when they woke up, but choose what you feel comfortable with and be guided by your midwife.
After the first day or two you’ll find your baby naturally starts to wake up more often for feeds as her digestion kicks into gear. After that time, if you find she keeps falling asleep at the breast or bottle, take her socks off and tickle her toes; don’t let her be too warm and snuggly. A gentle little blow of breath normally does the trick, and winding every 5–10 minutes during a feed will help too. If she is awake when she starts a feed, try to keep her awake until she finishes it or she’ll never get a full feed and sleep for those coveted longer periods.
© Shutterstock.com
Night feeds: should you wake a sleeping baby? …
This is probably your next question and there are two schools of thought on this:
1. Yes, do it. Filling your baby’s tummy and sticking to the three-to-four-hour routine between feeds will make your baby go longer through the night, more quickly. Sometimes it’s referred to as the dream feed, which you give three to four hours after you’ve put your baby down for the night. So this would be at around 10 or 11pm for a 7pm bedtime. It’s called the dream feed because you keep all the lights off, and try to keep your baby as undisturbed as possible when you get her out of the cot. I have to say it’s not easy to keep babies asleep as they invariably wake up when you start winding them before putting them back down anyway.
2. No, let her sleep for as long as she needs to. This is the only way she’ll learn to stop being hungry in the night. When your baby is really little she’ll probably wake up naturally for that food as her small tummy will empty quickly, but as she gets older she can sleep for longer without needing to feed. There’s some research that says you go into a deep sleep after 90 minutes and will remain in that sleep pattern for the next four to six hours before you start to wake up naturally for morning. By that reckoning, if you start waking your baby up a few hours after you put her down, you risk disturbing her during her deepest sleep.
I tried both options. For me, the second option worked better – at least it did with Chester, as he learnt to sleep through from 7pm to 7am much quicker than my first two children.
I think you can only make this decision when you get to that point and know what works for you and your baby.
I always put Harry and Belle down at 7pm and did the dream feed at around 11pm. With Chester, though, because his reflux made sleeping difficult for him, I couldn’t bring myself to wake him up at 11pm when he was fast asleep.
On the move: breastfeeding in public …
Being able to breastfeed in public gives you so much freedom. It takes a while to perfect, but once you and your baby get used to it it’s the most hassle-free way to feed when you’re away from home. There may be onlookers who will make you feel like you should remove yourself to the nearest mother and baby room, but I say go for it. If anyone’s got an issue, it’s their issue! I always had one of those breastfeeding scarves that went around my neck and then over the baby – not because I thought I was going to offend anyone, but for me breastfeeding is very personal and I just thought it was nicer for the baby to feel all snug and warm. You can get clever versions now with a semi-rigid neckline so that the material isn’t across your baby’s face and you can make eye contact with her.
You might not feel comfortable breastfeeding in public at first, and that’s normal. It’s tricky to get that latch – your baby might come on and off a few times. Then you’ll get hot and bothered and think, ‘Oh my God, I’ve got my boob out and everyone’s looking at me!’ And then, to add insult to injury, the oxytocin level dips, the milk slows and your baby gets even more annoyed and it’s just a disaster. So go easy on yourself.
It’s a good idea to have a sterilised bottle and a carton of ready-made formula with you because then you know you’ve got back-up. I learnt this the hard way, but once I did I never left the house without them! When Chester was about nine weeks old I took him to a fancy restaurant with some new mummy girlfriends and their babies. I thought, ‘I can do this, I’m a third-time mum, I’ve breastfed two other children in public,’ and almost felt the challenge of this somewhat empowering. Chester, however, had other plans. He screamed and thrashed about from the second we started. I ended up scurrying to the toilets to feed him, which didn’t work either. I went back to the table completely mortified that I couldn’t feed my child. At this point one of my mummy friends pulled a carton of formula and a bottle out of her bag and said, ‘Do you want these?’ I was so relieved. I pounced on them and vowed never to be caught short again.
Don’t expect everything to fall into place straight away. Breastfeeding is an art!
Going back to work: can you still breastfeed? …
It is possible to breastfeed and go back to work. I’ve done it. I’ve been in dressing rooms pumping milk and putting it in the fridge until I get home, and many of my colleagues have done the same. My make-up artist filled the This Morning fridge with her breast milk carefully labelled up so as not to confuse it with someone else’s … and so it didn’t end up in Phillip’s tea!
If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to keep up a good milk supply by expressing at regular intervals, or as best you can during your working day. If you’re unlucky, your supply might start to wane, and this does happen frequently. If you are one of the unlucky ones, don’t be too down on yourself. You’ve already done such an amazing job feeding your baby and given her a wonderful start in life. Once she sees your face come through that front door, she won’t be thinking about what form her next feed takes and I imagine you’ll feel the same (and probably start flooding the place before you’ve even said hello!).
Some of my mummy friends got into a routine of only breastfeeding the first feed of the day, and the last feed before bed. If you do this regularly enough your milk supply will respond, and even if nothing’s coming in all day it will be there when you get home. It’s all very clever!
ROUTINES: WHAT WORKED FOR ME
On the following pages are the routines I used for all of my babies, which I hope will be a good starting point for you and yours. A few things to bear in mind for all of them:
First, these feeding routines are all loosely based on your baby’s day beginning at 7am! If it’s 6am, everything will be an hour earlier – but if she wakes earlier than 6am, feed her and put her back to sleep, then start your day properly at 7am.
Second, the best way to tell whether your breastfed or formula-fed baby is getting enough milk is to monitor her weight, which you will do alongside the health visitor and by taking your baby to the health clinic for regular checks (see here (#ulink_53a4c5ce-4001-574f-b3cf-781df59d5635)). You’ll be told how often you need to go, but if your baby is gaining weight well you may only need to go once a month. With Harry and Belle, I used to really look forward to going to see how all our hard work was paying off. There’s nothing lovelier than getting a pat on the back from the clinic as they tell you how perfectly your baby is progressing. And whilst it was a different story with Chester, it was equally useful to get the reassurance and advice we both needed.
Third, there are days, even whole weeks, when your perfect baby will completely drop her routine. This is particularly common when a baby is poorly. Believe me, as soon as your baby gets the slightest snuffle, everything goes out of the window. Or she might be going through a growth spurt and suddenly need more food than normal. You need to try to work out what the reasons are and respond accordingly with either more or less food and cuddles. Just don’t despair. You’ll get your golden routine back in a few days, when her appetite comes back and she’s not too bunged up to sleep!
Finally, I think it’s a really good idea to keep a feeding and pooing diary. Sounds delightful! But seriously, for the first few weeks, day and night all roll into one so it’s worth keeping a note of things – or you can now even get apps that help you keep a record of everything. Let alone what breast your baby last fed off or how much of her bottle she took, you’re unlikely to remember when she last did a poo or had a wet nappy and how long she slept. Keep a record for YOU too. For example, if you’re on painkillers after a Caesarean, keep a little table of when you last took tablets and when your next ones are due. You’ll be amazed how four hours can slip by – you could swear you only fed two hours ago! Without keeping a record I would have been in real trouble. Baby brain and all that! Make life easier for yourself. Don’t attempt to keep these sorts of things in your head!
Helpful hints At this very early age, don’t put pressure on yourself to stick to these times. Your baby is so young and there’s plenty of time to get her into a routine. Something to bear in mind is that babies who are solely breastfed might need to feed more often than formula-fed babies, who often sleep longer between feeds. But, in general, your little one will need her little tummy fed every three to four hours.
Hungry cry Hungry cries are often accompanied by a baby clenching her fists and bringing them towards her face. A good way to tell when your baby has had enough to eat is when her hands relax and fall wide open.
Helpful hints As the weeks go by, you’re looking for your baby to go longer and longer between feeds. The first step is to try to get her to have a full feed where she empties the bottle or breast every time, so that she can last longer before she is hungry again. Then when she does feed again, she’ll be hungry enough to complete the next feed so that she doesn’t need to snack in between, and so on. The idea is that if your baby has had enough complete, regular feeds during the daytime, she’ll get to a point where she doesn’t need to wake for a feed during the night.
At this stage, your baby is still so young so, again, don’t put pressure on falling into a routine. Sometimes it’s tough to make your baby go longer between feeds, and the best piece of advice I can give you is that you should ask yourself a few questions, just to be sure you haven’t missed anything before you feed your baby earlier than necessary. Is your baby really crying because she’s hungry? Does she need a nappy change or just a cuddle? Did she have enough to eat at her last feed or is she hungry now because she fell asleep after a few minutes and you didn’t wake her to finish the bottle? After the first six weeks or so, if you continue to feed your baby every time she starts to cry you’ll find she only ever takes small amounts as it’s more of a snack than a full feed.
Helpful hints Since your baby arrived, you’ve probably been feeding her on demand, perhaps expressing some feeds or giving her formula. However you’ve decided to feed your baby, try to get to a point where you’re leaving three to four hours between feeds. This is the way you teach your baby to fill up enough at a feed, to sleep longer between feeds and ultimately be able to sleep for long stretches through the night without needing to wake for a top-up. By the time all of mine were three months old, whether breastfed or bottle-fed, they were on a four-hourly feeding schedule, but that’s just what worked for me. You’ll end up forming your own schedules to suit your life. And don’t be downhearted if it takes you and your baby longer to get to grips with a routine – everyone is different and that’s how it should be!
Think of the four-hourly routine as a helpful framework for you to work with – if nothing else, it will give you a rough idea of when you last fed without having to keep writing it all down. It may not always work – some weeks your baby may be hungrier than others and, if you’re breastfeeding, may want to cluster feed through the night. Cluster feeding is when your baby wakes for lots of feeds much closer together than usual. Young babies do this a lot, and no one really knows why. It could be your baby’s way of encouraging you to produce more milk so that there’s more to fill her up. This can be exhausting for you, and you’ll often feel like it’s never going to end and you’re destined to be this feeding machine for the rest of time! Just know that it won’t last forever and the good news is that it will lead to you producing oodles of milk to satisfy your baby – think how much sleep you’ll both get then!
Always be guided by your baby. If you have a baby who wakes at 6am every morning, start your 24-hour clock from then. I just found that the 7am routine really worked for me. Your body gets used to a routine very quickly and you’ll be shocked how you check to see what time it is and discover it’s 11am or 3pm on the dot and feed time. Your body instinctively gave you a little prod. You probably won’t even need to look at the clock!
By having a set timetable you know when the next feed is – you remember the four golden numbers 7, 11, 3 and 7!
One of the best things about getting my babies in a four-hourly feeding routine – in my case 7am/11am/3pm and 7pm – was it finally meant I stopped having to ask myself or Dan when I last fed the baby! Baby brain is definitely not a myth – whether it’s down to all the hormones or just lack of sleep, you can have finished a feed an hour ago, and then forget immediately what time you began the last feed and completely lose track of time.
Be adaptable The four-hour feeding routine is all about trying to find that key balance between being too flexible and not flexible enough! Being too flexible with your baby might mean you struggle to set a feeding and sleeping routine further down the line, but not being flexible enough is likely to stress you out. It’s about bearing the guidelines in mind, but adapting them to suit you and your baby.
Helpful hints This routine will seem like a dream before you get there. An unbroken night’s sleep! Perfect! Exactly your goal. Having said that, if your baby is a bit more stubborn, don’t give up. She’ll get there eventually and so will you. If your baby is still waking at night, don’t be discouraged. Just ask yourself those troubleshooting questions I gave you in the Pre-routine Hints (#litres_trial_promo) to check you’re doing all the right things during the day to prepare your baby for a good night’s sleep. Weaning (see here (#ulink_32daced1-9648-587b-8b51-4bc03fb4f070)) can help with that as solids don’t get digested as quickly as liquids, keeping your baby’s tummy from rumbling for longer. Whatever your situation, perhaps this little piece of information might make you feel better – or more determined to get your baby into a routine. My mum will tell anyone who will listen how I didn’t sleep through the night until I was four and a half years old. Imagine that! Rather not? No, me neither! On the plus side, I can sleep for England now … or at least I could until I had babies!
Getting babies off bottles …
By the time your baby gets to about six months old she will naturally want to start copying you, even down to the way you drink. If she reaches for your water cup, let her try to take a sip. Your baby will want to move on as much as you want her to, so be guided by her newfound interest. Give her a beaker or sippy cup with a hard spout and lid at mealtimes so she can help herself and get used to drinking out of something other than a bottle.
When your baby is getting old enough for solid food it’s time to start dropping bottles. So to give you some idea, here’s what I did with Chester, from about six months:
Then I gradually dropped the 11am feed, so he was just having three bottles in 24 hours. At eleven months I dropped the 3pm feed, so he was on two bottles at 7am and 7pm. At twelve months I dropped the 7am bottle and he just had a sippy cup with milk at breakfast, but be guided by what you think your baby needs all the way along. I left in that 7pm bedtime bottle for a while, as that’s such a snuggly and cosy time and I really think it helped to settle him.
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Feeding solutions Hopefully your experience of feeding your new baby will go without a hitch, but there are a few things that can get in the way, particularly if you are breastfeeding. You might also learn that your baby has a medical reason for finding feeding tricky, such as tongue-tie or reflux, which I know all about having gone through them with Chester! These arise mostly in younger babies, and you’re likely to need medical help to overcome them. In this section you’ll find some of the most common issues you might face and some possible solutions to help you get on track. Never hesitate to seek the help of your GP or health visitor should you need to.
BREASTFEEDING ISSUES
Sore nipples: miracle-cure ingredient – lanolin! If your nipples are sore and raw, slather on a good lanolin cream. Tons of it! I put it on after every feed and it’s honestly the only thing that helped. There is so much conflicting advice on how to treat sore nipples: everything from let them air dry, hang ’em in the wind, to putting cabbage leaves in your bra. Try these if you want to, but I always thought of chafed nipples like chapped lips and you wouldn’t leave those to heal themselves in the air. Your nipples need moisturising – they need loads of lanolin cream, followed by a breast pad and bra. Another great thing is that you don’t need to wash it off as it’s safe for your baby. So get slathering! Sore nipples can sometimes lead to or be a symptom of other infections that may need medical treatment, though.
Infected nipples: see your GP For any infection, contact your GP. If your nipples are cracked, pink, shiny and itchy, and/or you find white spots/coating on your baby’s tongue or she has an ongoing nappy rash, you might have thrush. White nipple is caused by bad blood circulation around the nipple, making it appear white, and it can be agony when your baby feeds.
Pain: try nipple shields These thin, flexible covers made of silicone act like a second skin to help reduce discomfort, and they do work. I was desperate to feed Chester but it was agony because my nipples were in such a state. Wearing a shield reduced the pain enough to get me through.
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Holly Willoughby
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Спорт, фитнес
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 17.04.2024
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О книге: **AWARDED A MUMSNET BEST BADGE 2016**Whether you’ve just had a baby or you’re about to welcome your new little bundle into the world, you probably have a LOT of questions …I know I did! And I also know from first-hand experience with my three babies that one-size-fits all parenting doesn’t work. So this book is to help you find out what will work for you and your baby. I’ve included all the information and friendly advice I wish I’d been given before I became a mum for the first time, alongside the routines, shortcuts and tips that worked for me.I hope this book will empower you during your first twelve months of parenthood to trust your own mummy intuition, and to care for your children in your own way – confidently and happily. We all have that intuition, we just need to learn to tune into it! With chapters on feeding, sleeping, wellbeing and lifestyle – as well as how to look after yourself – this book will equip you with all the know-how you need to get you through the sleepless nights and concerns, to all the magical first moments. It’s a collection of everything that worked for me as a new mum – and I hope it works for you, too.Love, Holly xxx