Stress Management: The only introduction you’ll ever need
Stress Management: The only introduction you’ll ever need
Vera Peiffer
A strong addition to the ‘Principles series’ of introductory guides. The book explains what stress is, how it causes physical and mental problems and how to cope successfully with the increased pressures of modern day living.Previously published as 20 MINUTES TO MASTER … STRESS MANAGEMENT.The book introduces the reader to the stress-prone personality types, what the potential stress triggers are, and suggests effective exercises to help you relax.Covering the physical stress symptoms and behavioural problems associated with stress such as compulsive behaviour the book shows why the scourge of modern day Western living needs to be understood to be beaten.Whether you are a perfectionist, ambitious, anxious, or stimulus-seeking person, the book will be an invaluable eye-opener – a key to learning to deal with stress positively.
COPYRIGHT (#ulink_a5e92edd-f185-5bd3-97e4-1b94a24751a7)
Published by HarperCollinsPublishers
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Published by Thorsons 1996
© Vera Peiffer 1996
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
Vera Peiffer asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
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Source ISBN: 9780007273188
Ebook Edition © AUGUST 2014 ISBN: 9780008110420
Version: 2014-08-18
DEDICATION (#ulink_10dc6572-3984-575c-9b17-ae79c40ad8ba)
FOR MY FRIENDS GEORGES AND LYN
CONTENTS
Cover (#u57171459-64f4-5400-a961-0103b7dd1d39)
Title Page (#u7eba85b6-3b17-5755-bcea-833658160ac2)
Copyright (#ulink_41577da7-9900-534c-861b-b0e844cc4ae9)
Dedication (#ulink_16844f0a-9ea8-5b08-a56c-cdd88e6c8973)
Introduction (#ulink_1d4697b0-2b50-5dab-8a30-3edc01e4aa6a)
PART I STRESS – HOW IT HAPPENS
1 (#ulink_0ae7c4a6-0137-591d-b9a7-07aac38ee4d7)What Stress Is and What It Is Not (#ulink_0ae7c4a6-0137-591d-b9a7-07aac38ee4d7)
2 (#ulink_033bc801-1bfe-502d-993c-04f8a7948e72)Are You a Stress-prone Type? (#ulink_033bc801-1bfe-502d-993c-04f8a7948e72)
3 (#ulink_761a5b15-fdfc-51dd-a1a2-0577c34dcedb)Questionnaire: Check Your Personality Stress Factors (#ulink_761a5b15-fdfc-51dd-a1a2-0577c34dcedb)
4 (#ulink_1af88055-3b3b-567b-83a7-57e64bf82daa)What Is Causing You Stress? (#ulink_1af88055-3b3b-567b-83a7-57e64bf82daa)
PART II WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FALL INTO THE STRESS TRAP …
5 (#ulink_3a8aa6d5-1872-5760-92cd-f187acfcc113)Physical Reactions (#ulink_3a8aa6d5-1872-5760-92cd-f187acfcc113)
6 (#litres_trial_promo)Mental and Emotional Reactions (#litres_trial_promo)
7 (#litres_trial_promo)Behavioural Reactions (#litres_trial_promo)
8 (#litres_trial_promo)Questionnaire: What Is Your Stress Level? (#litres_trial_promo)
PART III … AND HOW TO CLIMB OUT OF THE STRESS TRAP
9 (#litres_trial_promo)How To Stop Yourself from Overworking (#litres_trial_promo)
10 (#litres_trial_promo)So You Thought You Knew How to Breathe … (#litres_trial_promo)
11 (#litres_trial_promo)Giving Your Body Time Off (#litres_trial_promo)
12 (#litres_trial_promo)Taking a Mental Holiday (#litres_trial_promo)
13 (#litres_trial_promo)Sleeping Better (#litres_trial_promo)
14 (#litres_trial_promo)Dealing with Difficult People (#litres_trial_promo)
15 (#litres_trial_promo)Using Anger Constructively (#litres_trial_promo)
16 (#litres_trial_promo)How to Talk about Things You Would Rather Avoid (#litres_trial_promo)
17 (#litres_trial_promo)Accentuate the Positive (#litres_trial_promo)
18 (#litres_trial_promo)De-stress Your Life (#litres_trial_promo)
19 (#litres_trial_promo)Alternative Ways to Unwind (#litres_trial_promo)
Summary (#litres_trial_promo)
Keep Reading (#litres_trial_promo)
Acknowledgements (#litres_trial_promo)
Also by the Author (#litres_trial_promo)
Also in the Series (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
INTRODUCTION (#ulink_736fa5ef-7482-500b-83a3-0dfb04f1b3e9)
Anyone who has ever had to struggle through a prolonged period of work overload, be it at home or out in the workplace, will know what it feels like to be physically exhausted and mentally overwrought. Whereas you are perfectly capable of dealing competently with life’s ups and downs when you are unstressed, any hiccups in the daily routine become an emotional crisis once the pressure exceeds a certain threshold.
It is an unpleasant experience to feel out of control and unable to stop yourself from overreacting. You watch yourself shouting at the kids or soldiering on at work even though you are too tired to think straight, seemingly unable to stop yourself.
Stress and all its unpleasant side-effects can arise from a great many different factors; work overload is just one of them. Other life events which can put you under pressure are changes in your circumstances, for example if a family member gets seriously ill or if you unexpectedly suffer financial difficulties. As a rule of thumb you could say that any event that significantly changes your daily routine is a potential trigger for stress. I say ‘potential’ because a lot will depend on your general attitude to change. Stress is not just generated by circumstances; your attitude towards the circumstances will have a significant impact on how you cope.
This book looks at a variety of potential stress-triggers. You may be surprised to learn that even events which we would generally label ‘positive’, such as a promotion or a holiday, can create stress! You will also learn how to deal with difficult situations in a more constructive way, on not just a practical but also an emotional level. You may not be able to cut out all challenges from your life – nor may you want to – but you can certainly do a lot to eliminate unnecessary stresses. You have a lot more power inside you than you might think; Principles of Stress Management shows you how to access this power and how to make use of it. In addition, this book provides you with questionnaires for self-assessment and mental exercises which will help you take control of your life, as well as useful information and tips on foods, physical exercise and supplements which can strengthen your resilience to stress. Why be harassed if you can be composed? Why fight if you can play? You may not be able to see a way out of your situation, but it is there before you.
As you read through this book you will quickly find the chapters that are relevant to your particular circumstances, as well as the solutions that suit you best. You will find that you can rid yourself of unnecessary stress and heighten your general sense of well-being at the same time, so that you feel more energetic, more in control, better about yourself and better within yourself. Why not put some of the suggestions in this book into practice? You have nothing to lose but stress!
PART 1 (#ulink_1442d254-b411-5268-88d1-301db52f54b4)
In this first section we will look in detail at what constitutes ‘stress’, as we commonly call the experience of negative pressure. As your personality plays a part in how you deal with stress, this section includes descriptions of various personality types (their strengths and weaknesses, etc.), followed by a questionnaire (see (#uf512cf51-4172-5a0c-acdb-e6884feb60a8)) which will allow you to assess which type you come closest to. Learning about yourself allows you not only to take better care of yourself but also to make positive changes more easily. The better you understand what makes you tick, the greater the control you have over changing your life for the better.
In Chapter 4 we will examine the most common external stressors that may play a part in the build-up to stress, both in work and private life. Depending on your personal beliefs and attitudes, you will deal with these outside stressors more or less effectively. People respond to difficult situations according to their past experiences by using, either consciously or subconsciously, coping strategies which they have acquired over the years. How you cope with stress will also depend on how much external support you get while you are in the difficult situation. All these factors – personality, beliefs, past experiences and external support – work together to shape your physical and emotional reactions to stress, which ultimately determine how much you are affected by a difficulty and how well you deal with it.
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WHAT STRESS IS AND WHAT IT IS NOT (#ulink_4e4ff459-74ba-5096-bd07-32406c91e475)
Generally speaking, stress can be caused by our need to adapt physically, mentally and emotionally to a change. This, of course, does not have to be a negative process. If you have finally achieved a promotion which you have worked towards over a long period of time, this is likely to be a very pleasant change which fills you with excitement and satisfaction. However, if you have been persuaded by your superiors to go for the promotion when you do not really feel ready for it, you can end up feeling very nervous and unconfident when this change takes place.
A small amount of stress is useful; it adds interest and motivation to life and keeps us on our toes. Changes that we perceive as moderate are not just harmless but also invigorating, as our adaptability needs to be trained regularly to stay in working order. As we practise going with the flow and dealing with changes, we become stronger. However, when the changes become too great or when they influence our lives negatively over a period of time, our capacity to adapt can become overstretched.
We all have a need to maintain physical and emotional equilibrium. It is when we are on an even keel that we feel comfortable and happy. Any change, especially an unpleasant one, threatens our equilibrium. In order to redress the balance we react with a stereotyped reaction which Hans Selye in his book The Stress of Life identified as the General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS). This syndrome springs into action as soon as a person perceives or experiences a stressor. First, the mind goes through the alarm stage where the body switches into overdrive. The muscles tense, adrenalin pumps through the system, blood-pressure rises. During the second stage, the resistance stage, all the heightened physical and mental responses help create increased activity so that the challenge can be met, but there is only so much strength and endurance that a person can muster before he or she goes to the third stage: exhaustion.
As you can imagine, if your capacity to adapt to change is in overdrive for too long, it can make you ill. If you have to cope day-in, day-out with a difficult and demanding boss who only criticizes but never praises, it will eventually wear you down. If you are looking after a bedridden relative all by yourself without getting any help or support, you can easily develop a physical or mental illness yourself. In extreme cases, prolonged exposure to stress can lead to physical and/or emotional breakdown.
By the time someone reaches the third stage it will be obvious that there is a problem. It is easier, however, to ignore the signs of the first two stages. Even though the term ‘alarm stage’ seems to indicate that you become consciously aware that a change is imminent, this is not necessarily so. At the alarm stage your body and mind get ready for action, but as this preparation happens unconsciously and therefore automatically, it can easily be overlooked. (In Part II of this book you will have an opportunity to check which physical, mental, emotional and behavioural signs you might experience while you are in the resistance stage, or even in the alarm stage – see page.)
You will already have noticed that stress is not a clear-cut matter which can be defined in objective terms. You may find that the best way of describing stress is at a totally subjective level, as any change that makes you feel uncomfortable physically or emotionally. This definition allows for individual differences in attitude and perception towards stressors.
A subjective definition also makes clear that stress is not the same thing as a great workload, a lot of responsibility or having demands made on you. If these scenarios were automatically synonymous with stress, then nobody could be expected to experience them free of stress. However, there are people who have a lot to do and yet stay unstressed by it; there are people who carry great responsibility and who cope with it very well. Stress is only partly a result of the situation itself; it is also, to an extent, caused by our attitude towards that situation. This explains why different people react differently to stress. Look around you while you sit on a commuter train when it is stuck between stations. Some people are simply bored, others annoyed, still others anxious.
Physiologically, the same thing happens to all of us when stress sets in. As soon as we perceive a situation as potentially threatening, our primitive stress response of ‘fight or flight’ springs into action. Our breathing rate increases (thereby providing the brain and the muscles with more oxygen), the heart rate increases, blood-pressure rises, sugars and fats are released into the bloodstream for extra energy, muscles tense up, the flow of saliva decreases and perspiration increases. All our senses are on ‘red alert’, and adrenalin and cortisol are released which mobilize the body. These spontaneous physical reactions are very useful when your house in on fire because they enable you to run faster and get away from danger more quickly. However, when you have the same automatic reactions when you are only thinking about tomorrow’s meeting at work, you are in trouble. Whereas in the first instance all that extra physical energy and tension are put to good use, in the second example this excess energy has nowhere to go – as you sit there worrying about the next day’s meeting, your stress hormones go round and round in your system, keeping everything buzzing in overdrive. For some people this means an increase in gastric juice secretion, which can ultimately lead to ulcers if the stress response kicks in on a regular basis. Also, the prolonged presence of stress and heavy demands on our ability to adapt can exhaust the body and increase the risk of damaging the function of organs such as the heart or the kidneys.
If you feel that you are particularly prone to unnecessary stress reactions, the next two chapters should help you pinpoint the reasons for this.
SUMMARY
Stress is evoked by our need to re-establish an equilibrium when changes occur.
Small amounts of stress are necessary and beneficial.
The three stress stages are alarm, resistance and exhaustion.
Certain personality types are more prone to stress than others.
Prolonged stress can lead to illness or mental breakdown.
The body reacts to stress by mobilizing physical responses to help us cope better with situations which we perceive as threatening.
Even our thoughts can create a physical stress response.
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ARE YOU A STRESS-PRONE TYPE? (#ulink_5ad57e00-a5a2-556a-b88b-c27f277db89a)
We perceive changes and stressors in our own unique ways. Depending on our background, upbringing and present circumstances, we may find ourselves coping with stress much better than our neighbour or colleague at work. Some of us are born with greater resilience than others, enabling us to stay calm longer than the next person when the going gets tough.
Apart from resilience and adaptability to change, we also bring with us particular dispositions when we are born. Anyone who has children or who is close to a family with small children will be able to confirm how different they are right from the start. One baby is placid and sleeps through the night very early on, whereas another baby will be more wakeful and excitable. One child plays happily on his own, whereas another one has to be entertained a lot to be content. These individual predispositions, together with the manner in which parents bring up their children, will result in various personality types – some of which are particularly vulnerable to stress.
THE ANXIOUS TYPE
This personality type will be lacking somewhat in self-confidence, unsure of his or her abilities even if others try to be reassuring. Anxious people are reluctant to express any negative emotions openly and are often incapable of saying ‘no’ if someone makes unreasonable demands on them. This unwillingness and fear to stand up for themselves comes either from a distorted sense of duty (something that has usually been drummed into them during childhoood) or from the mistaken belief that they will make themselves unpopular if they do not comply with other people’s wishes. Even though anxious people appear to be conformist, they often harbour strong resentments against those whose wishes they seem to carry out so willingly.
STRESS PROBLEMS
Anxious people tend to go for undemanding jobs, which can easily lead them to becoming frustrated and bored. If they progress to a more responsible job they tend to feel easily hassled when the workload increases and will often take their unease out on others.
THE PERFECTIONIST
Perfectionists like everything to be in its proper place and done at the proper time. Routine is of great importance, as is detail. Mistakes are not tolerated – they will even rewrite a handwritten, informal message if their pen slips or a word has been misspelled. This rather plodding way of dealing with life works out well as long as the job in hand is stable and predictable. Perfectionists are usually hard-working and reliable, but not equipped to deal with sudden emergencies or change.
STRESS PROBLEMS
Their great problems adapting to change, and their unwillingness to give up established routines, can cause stress for perfectionists if they find themselves distracted from their routines. Their diligent attention to detail means that they are creating stress for themselves when better prioritization and a more even-handed approach to less important tasks could easily save the day.
THE STIMULUS-SEEKER
This personality type strives on risk and is often addicted to the rush of adrenalin which accompanies any venture. Stimulus-seekers have a certain dare-devil attitude and can be quite brilliant at what they are doing, be it in sports or in the business world. However, they have a very limited attention span. Once the thrill is over, they move on to the next project. They are often not concerned with details and leave others to do the menial parts of a job while they attend to the Trig picture’. Stimulus-seekers will typically choose professions where risk-taking promises to yield great amounts of money and/or esteem.
STRESS PROBLEMS
Stimulus-seekers experience the risks of their ventures as beneficial stress, and thrive on it. Their minds race with possibilities rather than worries, and as a consequence they tend to smoke and drink too much. Substance abuse and its negative side-effects are more common in stimulus-seekers than are mental and/or physical illness.
THE AMBITIOUS TYPE (A-TYPE)
A-type personalities tend to be hard-driven and aggressive, channelling all their energies into their work. A-types have little or no time for a social life or hobbies; they live, think and dream ‘work’. They have problems delegating and are highly critical of themselves and others, often becoming impatient and angry when things do not run smoothly. They find it impossible to sit down quietly and do nothing; they are constantly moving, jiggling their knees and tapping their fingers – in times of stress they tend to do several things at the same time. They also find it hard to concentrate fully on conversations because they are already racing ahead in their mind, thinking about the next thing they want to do.
The A-type personality is the stress category that has been most widely studied. This type is found not just in high-level jobs, but all the way through the various strata of society.
STRESS PROBLEMS
In their efforts to control everything and everyone around them, A-types exert themselves physically and mentally. They are unable to recognize when they have reached their limit and will typically suffer from high blood-pressure. A-types are prone to coronary heart disease, ulcers and atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries).
All stress-prone types of personality are driven by one thing: fear. The anxious person is afraid to be unpopular and to be considered unhelpful; the perfectionist is afraid of being ‘only human’; the stimulus-seeker is afraid of boredom; and the A-type is afraid of not being seen to achieve. Even though certain personality traits can predispose a person to have these fears, one’s upbringing also plays a part. Below we look at some of the factors that can lead to a personality type that is vulnerable to stress.
PRESSURE TO SUCCEED
When children are pressurized by parents and teachers constantly to achieve the very best results, and if love and approval are dependent on high performance, some children will internalize these conditions and later live their lives accordingly. Self-worth becomes totally dependent on achievements. Without achievements, they feel that they are nobody and that nobody will respect them. Within these rules there is no room for grey areas; there is only black and white.
CRITICISM
When criticized frequently and in an unconstructive manner, some children will withdraw, hoping to avoid further humiliation by keeping a low profile. They stop trying out new things, become anxious and unconfident in their own abilities and grow up to live their lives trying to please others and gain their approval in an attempt to maintain their own self-esteem.
LONELINESS
When children are shown little or no affection or interest they can grow up without self-worth or confidence in their own validity as human beings. As a consequence, their entry into the adult world of work can constitute an escape from these feelings of worthlessness. In their attempt to justify their existence, they may dedicate themselves over-zealously to their work.
OVERPROTECTION
Parents who do everything for their children prevent them from becoming independent and from having the opportunity to test their strength against the everyday world. This restrictive upbringing can lead to resentment and rebellion, coupled with great fear at what there is ‘out there’. As overprotected children grow up they keep on struggling with the same issues – not wanting to be controlled but at the same time fearing the freedom of being an independent person.
Now that we have looked at the personality types most affected negatively by stress, and some of the factors leading to becoming one of these types, it is time for you to judge for yourself whether you are in fact more prone to stress than most.
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QUESTIONNAIRE: CHECK YOUR PERSONALITY STRESS FACTORS (#ulink_b2102f6b-1a78-5c7d-a8d6-3399e7f3f6ee)
This questionnaire is made up of four categories of questions, grouped together according to the stress types we looked at in the previous chapter. Make a note of each statement that is true for you, giving yourself 1 point for each. Try to do this quickly, without pondering over individual statements for too long.
WHAT ANXIOUS PEOPLE SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES
Others take advantage of me but I feel unable to stop them.
I am very upset by rows, even if they are between other people.
I prefer the devil I know rather than change to something new, even if it could be better for me.
I find it difficult to express my needs to others because I feel this might be selfish and self-indulgent.
Even if the other person has made a mistake, it is me who ends up apologizing.
WHAT STIMULUS-SEEKERS SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES
I get bored easily.
The only way you can further yourself is by taking risks.
I find it difficult to see a task through to the end.
I cannot be bothered with fiddly details.
I could never fit into an environment that required me to do routine work.
I do not like to be tied down in a steady relationship.
My business ventures take precedence over any private matters.
I am always thinking up new projects and ventures.
WHAT AMBITIOUS (A-TYPE) PEOPLE SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES
I am totally dedicated to any task I undertake.
I will always make sure I complete anything I start.
I can focus on my work to the total exclusion of other things.
I often forget to eat because I am so engrossed in my work.
I am only happy when I have a full diary.
I do not have time for a social life unless it is in connection with my work.
I can never really switch off from work.
I find it very difficult to take the initiative, either socially or professionally.
I cannot openly show my emotions, especially not the negative ones like anger or annoyance.
I never seem to get what I want.
WHAT PERFECTIONISTS SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES
I need to have everything ‘just so’.
I plan and carry out any work I do to the highest possible standard.
I greatly dislike it when my daily routine gets disrupted.
I am upset when things are not done as they should be done.
I get very agitated when I am prevented from finishing a job properly; I can only relax when all the ‘t’s are crossed and ‘i’s dotted.
My thoroughness makes me fall behind quite often.
I find myself mulling over how I could have done things better in the past.
When I have made only one small mistake, I have to do the whole job again, no matter how trivial the job itself is.
As soon as I have accomplished one task, I start on the next one.
How many points did you get in each section?
If you have four or more points in any one category, you have a strong tendency towards that personality type.
Very few people are a ‘classic’ specimen of any of the four types, but knowing which of the four you are most similar to can give you a good starting point for understanding what is driving you and how you can make adjustments to reduce your stress levels.
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WHAT IS CAUSING YOU STRESS? (#ulink_55a37061-afe2-56fb-9bbc-a49a39246223)
As mentioned in Chapter 1, there are of course many different causes of stress, and what is stressful to one person will not be to another. While it is beyond the scope of this book to describe all the possible causes of stress, this chapter outlines some of the most common culprits.
Stress is most commonly associated with a heavy workload or with having to shoulder great responsibility; the underlying cause of one’s reaction to stress may involve many other factors as well. Both home and the workplace can become the scene of many triggers for physical and mental tension which can gradually build up and, if left unchecked, can develop into a serious health risk.
WORK STRESSORS
The work environment is a veritable breeding ground for stress, for a variety of reasons. Wherever several people get together on a regular basis, tension becomes a possibility. Personalities can clash and roles within a group can be unclear and consequently adversely influence the effectiveness of the group as a whole. Rivalries often develop which lead to wranglings that have nothing to do with the job in hand, and general dissent about aims and procedures can mar the successful completion of an assignment or project.
Time pressure and deadlines are often part of a job, with projects having to be completed by a given date. In theory this should work well, provided everyone involved pulls his or her own weight. Unfortunately, things do not always run smoothly. Deadlines are sometimes set by people not directly involved in a project, which means they may be unreasonably tight, or even impossible to meet. The result? Everyone involved ends up feeling frustrated and angry.
Unless you work for yourself, most people have to report to someone in a higher position, and a lot of stress can arise if the boss is not a good leader or communicator. People are often promoted to leadership positions only on the strength of their professional skill and knowledge. Whereas they may have been excellent members of staff, they may not make very good heads of a department or sector. Very often, an inability to communicate effectively is at the root of the problem.
Then there are the difficult colleagues … Anyone who has ever worked with or for a difficult person will know how exhausting it can be. If there is friction between people in an office (be it open or implied) anger and resentment can fester, making you stressed out and, eventually, ill.
There are three main types of people who can create upheaval in the workplace – the Bully, who hassles anyone below him or her in the pecking order; the Backstabber, who has an inferiority complex and is nice to your face and puts you down when you have left the room; and the Shirker, who disappears whenever the going gets tough, leaving everyone else to sort out the problem. (We shall look at these three in more detail in Chapter 14.)
Unfortunately, women in particular are still often at the receiving end of bullying and harassment. Even though things have improved over the last few decades, woman are still not treated as equals in many work environments. Certain professions will only reluctantly allow women into their top ranks and, if they do, women still have to work doubly hard and are often paid less than their male counterparts. For the female employee, all this strain is often in addition to the responsibility of having to look after her family when she gets home in the evenings …
Stress can also evolve directly from your working environment. If you have to work with inadequate equipment this can affect you just as greatly as having to do a day’s typing on an uncomfortable chair that makes your back hurt so much you cannot concentrate after a while. Physical stressors can also include bad lighting, poor ventilation, and pollutants (such as cigarette smoke) in the air. An unpleasant or unsuitable environment can cause you not only to feel ill, but does little to boost morale among the members of the workforce who have to put up with it.
Then of course there is the situation of working on your own. It is a fairly modern phenomenon for people to run their own businesses from home or from modest office premises. It takes a dedicated and disciplined person to make working alone a success. You need to be highly motivated and have a strong sense of direction to get through the times when job-related matters do not progress as well as you would like them to, and when there is no one there to discuss things with you can easily end up feeling lonely and isolated.
DOMESTIC STRESSORS
As mentioned regarding work stressors, wherever there are people there is the possibility of stress. Just because at home the people around you are related to you does not mean that there are no power struggles going on!
An obvious cause of stress is disagreement or tension among family members. This can arise from a basic incompatibility between partners. When children are involved, an untenable marriage is often kept going in the belief that this will be better for the children. In reality, children suffer just as much, if not more, by living in a strained atmosphere at home than if they lived with one relatively happy parent.
Any instability in family life, be it rows or frequent absences of one partner, causes stress. Maybe one parent is away from home a lot because of business or the nature of his or her job, leaving the other to cope. Any decisions concerning the children have to be made by this parent, and in addition he or she has to shoulder all the responsibility if things do not work out and the children get into difficulties. With bullying, truancy and racism rife at many schools, and with the increased availability of drugs even in rural areas, it can be incredibly difficult – and stressful – bringing up children today.
If it is stressful to have healthy children, it is even more so when you have a child who is disabled or severely ill. Special children need help to do things which other youngsters can do unaided, and as there are only 24 hours in a day, loving parents will often end up neglecting themselves in the process. This can cause serious health problems for the parents, the stresses manifesting themselves both physically and mentally.
Of course, actual crises such as seeing your child or anyone else close to you die of an incurable disease or losing a baby through cot death are among the most tragic life situations you can be faced with.
But it is not just one’s immediate family who can be the cause of stress. What happens if your parents are no longer able to look after themselves, when they become too frail or unwell to run their own household? Some very difficult decisions have to be made, and these decisions are not only dependent on personalities but also on finances and circumstances. Considerable change is brought about by having one or two extra people in the house, people who have their own ways of doing things, their own habits and routines. This situation is not only stressful for the children, but also for the ageing parents who are trying to adapt to their new environment.
Today we understand that stress symptoms can also emerge when a family member has difficulties getting past a particular stage in the life cycle, such as becoming an adult, moving in with or marrying someone, becoming a parent, seeing the children leave home, and retirement. Each of these stages brings its own difficulties; people may find themselves having to adjust to their new role in life even as they work through letting go of the old one.
OTHER STRESSORS
Any changes that disrupt your daily routine are stressful to a greater or lesser extent, depending on your general disposition and circumstances. When you lose your job or find yourself in financial trouble for any other reason, this will cause great worry and concern – money problems have a direct knock-on effect on so many other matters in life.
Interestingly, even what we would consider to be positive changes can create stress, such as holidays or a promotion. The reason is that when you are taken out of your familiar home or work environment, you will automatically have to adjust to your new situation, and this involves the expenditure of extra mental energy, often coupled with a sense of anxiety.
Your immediate environment also has a great influence on your well-being. If you live in an isolated area (whether in a rural backwater or an anonymous block of flats), stress can be brought about by the fact that you have too little personal contact with other people.
Also, in areas where crime or violence are common, just leaving the house can be very stressful. Equally distressing are neighbours with antisocial habits who quarrel loudly or play their music at top volume in the middle of the night, just as any other form of noise pollution (say from nearby airports or factories) can disturb your sense of equilibrium and, therefore, invoke a stress reaction.
PART 2 (#ulink_875d7ed8-7685-5923-ab8e-800048ec47f7)
It is important to understand the warning signals that your body and mind send out in response to a physical or emotional overload. By acquainting yourself with these stress symptoms you will be able to recognize and deal with them quickly and effectively, before they get out of hand.
There are some warning signs that people readily associate with stress, such as excessive smoking, tiredness, headaches and irritability. But did you know that the habit of checking and re-checking whether you have locked your front door or turned off the cooker is also a symptom caused by stress? Or were you aware that a bad memory can be a sign of stress?
Understanding which form stress can take also gives you a better choice of how to combat it. You may decide that, rather than popping a pill when a tension headache crops up you will learn to relax more fully (page); that rather than taking sedatives for anxiety you will deal with what is causing the anxiety in the first place – this might involve becoming more assertive and being able to state your own needs more clearly (page).
5 (#ulink_6f15a767-eab9-549f-b80e-c705091eee58)
PHYSICAL REACTIONS (#ulink_6f15a767-eab9-549f-b80e-c705091eee58)
Our internal organs are controlled and regulated, without our conscious effort, by the autonomic (or vegetative) nervous system (ANS). The ANS consists of two antagonistic sets of nerves, the sympathetic and the parasympathetic nervous systems. The former connects the internal organs to the brain by spinal nerves; it prepares the organism for fight or flight when stress occurs. The nerve fibres of the parasympathetic nervous system, on the other hand, consist of cranial nerves and lumbar spinal nerves and have the task of getting the body back to normal after it has been aroused by the sympathetic nervous system.
This means that the sympathetic nervous system, once it is aroused, will set in motion a number of physical processes such as general muscle tension, dilation of the pupils, restriction of the flow of saliva in the mouth, dilation of the bronchi, opening of the pores and increased perspiration, constriction of the bowels and loosening of the bladder. In addition, the liver is activated to release sugar into the blood to produce extra energy, and hormones such as adrenalin and corticosteroids are pumped out into the system, accelerating breathing and increasing the heart rate. While all this is going on the autonomic nervous system slows down digestion processes.
Once the stress-inducing situation is over, the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system reverses all the above processes – the pupils contract again, saliva starts flowing freely once more, the bronchi contract, the heart rate slows down, the pores close, the bladder contracts and digestion is stimulated, as is the release of bile which helps digest fats.
To help you understand these physical processes we will take a look at a typical situation that produces some common stress symptoms.
SITUATION
You are worried about having to give a talk in front of a group of people. As you prepare for it, you become aware of the following physical reactions in yourself:
– your mouth goes dry and your voice becomes more high-pitched (flow of saliva restricted, muscles in throat tense)
– your heart beats faster and your breathing becomes irregular (chest muscles tense up and bronchi dilate, adrenalin is released)
– you need to go to the toilet to pass water more often than usual (bladder loosened)
– you are constipated or have stomach cramps (muscles tense up)
– your hands feel clammy (pores open and perspiration increases)
– you feel anxious and have ‘butterflies’ in your stomach (adrenalin is pumping through your system)
– you feel restless and pace up and down, your hands shaking and your knees trembling (blood sugar levels are up to provide more energy; adrenalin and corticosteroids accelerate body processes).
As you can see, these physical symptoms are not all in the mind but are caused by very real changes in your blood chemistry, activated by the sympathetic nervous system. However, it is your mind that ultimately determines how strongly your body reacts to change or unusual circumstances. Depending on your attitudes, beliefs and general predisposition you will assess a situation as either harmless or dangerous. Some people positively thrive on challenges and are at their best when they need to deal with unforeseen situations; others will feel threatened and stressed.
The effects of the sympathetic nervous system can be very beneficial, provided they do not come into play too often or too excessively. A slight increase in body tension, together with higher energy levels and the associated faster reaction time, is of great value if you have to perform well; it is when these reactions become excessive that problems result and we are less likely to cope well.
When the sympathetic nervous system is stimulated repeatedly and over a long period of time, your body may be able to adapt for a while, but as soon as any additional demands are made on it – such as those brought about by an unhealthy diet, smoking, drinking or lack of sleep – your system gets overloaded and can break down. Being in physical overdrive can become a habit, and if there is never a chance for the parasympathetic nervous system to kick into gear and reverse the process, you wear down your inner organs. This is analogous to driving your car at high speed in a low gear all the time – eventually you have problems with the engine.
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Vera Peiffer
A strong addition to the ‘Principles series’ of introductory guides. The book explains what stress is, how it causes physical and mental problems and how to cope successfully with the increased pressures of modern day living.Previously published as 20 MINUTES TO MASTER … STRESS MANAGEMENT.The book introduces the reader to the stress-prone personality types, what the potential stress triggers are, and suggests effective exercises to help you relax.Covering the physical stress symptoms and behavioural problems associated with stress such as compulsive behaviour the book shows why the scourge of modern day Western living needs to be understood to be beaten.Whether you are a perfectionist, ambitious, anxious, or stimulus-seeking person, the book will be an invaluable eye-opener – a key to learning to deal with stress positively.
COPYRIGHT (#ulink_a5e92edd-f185-5bd3-97e4-1b94a24751a7)
Published by HarperCollinsPublishers
77–85 Fulham Palace Road,
Hammersmith, London W6 8JB
1160 Battery Street,
San Francisco, California 94111-1213
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
Published by Thorsons 1996
© Vera Peiffer 1996
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
Vera Peiffer asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication.
Source ISBN: 9780007273188
Ebook Edition © AUGUST 2014 ISBN: 9780008110420
Version: 2014-08-18
DEDICATION (#ulink_10dc6572-3984-575c-9b17-ae79c40ad8ba)
FOR MY FRIENDS GEORGES AND LYN
CONTENTS
Cover (#u57171459-64f4-5400-a961-0103b7dd1d39)
Title Page (#u7eba85b6-3b17-5755-bcea-833658160ac2)
Copyright (#ulink_41577da7-9900-534c-861b-b0e844cc4ae9)
Dedication (#ulink_16844f0a-9ea8-5b08-a56c-cdd88e6c8973)
Introduction (#ulink_1d4697b0-2b50-5dab-8a30-3edc01e4aa6a)
PART I STRESS – HOW IT HAPPENS
1 (#ulink_0ae7c4a6-0137-591d-b9a7-07aac38ee4d7)What Stress Is and What It Is Not (#ulink_0ae7c4a6-0137-591d-b9a7-07aac38ee4d7)
2 (#ulink_033bc801-1bfe-502d-993c-04f8a7948e72)Are You a Stress-prone Type? (#ulink_033bc801-1bfe-502d-993c-04f8a7948e72)
3 (#ulink_761a5b15-fdfc-51dd-a1a2-0577c34dcedb)Questionnaire: Check Your Personality Stress Factors (#ulink_761a5b15-fdfc-51dd-a1a2-0577c34dcedb)
4 (#ulink_1af88055-3b3b-567b-83a7-57e64bf82daa)What Is Causing You Stress? (#ulink_1af88055-3b3b-567b-83a7-57e64bf82daa)
PART II WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FALL INTO THE STRESS TRAP …
5 (#ulink_3a8aa6d5-1872-5760-92cd-f187acfcc113)Physical Reactions (#ulink_3a8aa6d5-1872-5760-92cd-f187acfcc113)
6 (#litres_trial_promo)Mental and Emotional Reactions (#litres_trial_promo)
7 (#litres_trial_promo)Behavioural Reactions (#litres_trial_promo)
8 (#litres_trial_promo)Questionnaire: What Is Your Stress Level? (#litres_trial_promo)
PART III … AND HOW TO CLIMB OUT OF THE STRESS TRAP
9 (#litres_trial_promo)How To Stop Yourself from Overworking (#litres_trial_promo)
10 (#litres_trial_promo)So You Thought You Knew How to Breathe … (#litres_trial_promo)
11 (#litres_trial_promo)Giving Your Body Time Off (#litres_trial_promo)
12 (#litres_trial_promo)Taking a Mental Holiday (#litres_trial_promo)
13 (#litres_trial_promo)Sleeping Better (#litres_trial_promo)
14 (#litres_trial_promo)Dealing with Difficult People (#litres_trial_promo)
15 (#litres_trial_promo)Using Anger Constructively (#litres_trial_promo)
16 (#litres_trial_promo)How to Talk about Things You Would Rather Avoid (#litres_trial_promo)
17 (#litres_trial_promo)Accentuate the Positive (#litres_trial_promo)
18 (#litres_trial_promo)De-stress Your Life (#litres_trial_promo)
19 (#litres_trial_promo)Alternative Ways to Unwind (#litres_trial_promo)
Summary (#litres_trial_promo)
Keep Reading (#litres_trial_promo)
Acknowledgements (#litres_trial_promo)
Also by the Author (#litres_trial_promo)
Also in the Series (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
INTRODUCTION (#ulink_736fa5ef-7482-500b-83a3-0dfb04f1b3e9)
Anyone who has ever had to struggle through a prolonged period of work overload, be it at home or out in the workplace, will know what it feels like to be physically exhausted and mentally overwrought. Whereas you are perfectly capable of dealing competently with life’s ups and downs when you are unstressed, any hiccups in the daily routine become an emotional crisis once the pressure exceeds a certain threshold.
It is an unpleasant experience to feel out of control and unable to stop yourself from overreacting. You watch yourself shouting at the kids or soldiering on at work even though you are too tired to think straight, seemingly unable to stop yourself.
Stress and all its unpleasant side-effects can arise from a great many different factors; work overload is just one of them. Other life events which can put you under pressure are changes in your circumstances, for example if a family member gets seriously ill or if you unexpectedly suffer financial difficulties. As a rule of thumb you could say that any event that significantly changes your daily routine is a potential trigger for stress. I say ‘potential’ because a lot will depend on your general attitude to change. Stress is not just generated by circumstances; your attitude towards the circumstances will have a significant impact on how you cope.
This book looks at a variety of potential stress-triggers. You may be surprised to learn that even events which we would generally label ‘positive’, such as a promotion or a holiday, can create stress! You will also learn how to deal with difficult situations in a more constructive way, on not just a practical but also an emotional level. You may not be able to cut out all challenges from your life – nor may you want to – but you can certainly do a lot to eliminate unnecessary stresses. You have a lot more power inside you than you might think; Principles of Stress Management shows you how to access this power and how to make use of it. In addition, this book provides you with questionnaires for self-assessment and mental exercises which will help you take control of your life, as well as useful information and tips on foods, physical exercise and supplements which can strengthen your resilience to stress. Why be harassed if you can be composed? Why fight if you can play? You may not be able to see a way out of your situation, but it is there before you.
As you read through this book you will quickly find the chapters that are relevant to your particular circumstances, as well as the solutions that suit you best. You will find that you can rid yourself of unnecessary stress and heighten your general sense of well-being at the same time, so that you feel more energetic, more in control, better about yourself and better within yourself. Why not put some of the suggestions in this book into practice? You have nothing to lose but stress!
PART 1 (#ulink_1442d254-b411-5268-88d1-301db52f54b4)
In this first section we will look in detail at what constitutes ‘stress’, as we commonly call the experience of negative pressure. As your personality plays a part in how you deal with stress, this section includes descriptions of various personality types (their strengths and weaknesses, etc.), followed by a questionnaire (see (#uf512cf51-4172-5a0c-acdb-e6884feb60a8)) which will allow you to assess which type you come closest to. Learning about yourself allows you not only to take better care of yourself but also to make positive changes more easily. The better you understand what makes you tick, the greater the control you have over changing your life for the better.
In Chapter 4 we will examine the most common external stressors that may play a part in the build-up to stress, both in work and private life. Depending on your personal beliefs and attitudes, you will deal with these outside stressors more or less effectively. People respond to difficult situations according to their past experiences by using, either consciously or subconsciously, coping strategies which they have acquired over the years. How you cope with stress will also depend on how much external support you get while you are in the difficult situation. All these factors – personality, beliefs, past experiences and external support – work together to shape your physical and emotional reactions to stress, which ultimately determine how much you are affected by a difficulty and how well you deal with it.
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WHAT STRESS IS AND WHAT IT IS NOT (#ulink_4e4ff459-74ba-5096-bd07-32406c91e475)
Generally speaking, stress can be caused by our need to adapt physically, mentally and emotionally to a change. This, of course, does not have to be a negative process. If you have finally achieved a promotion which you have worked towards over a long period of time, this is likely to be a very pleasant change which fills you with excitement and satisfaction. However, if you have been persuaded by your superiors to go for the promotion when you do not really feel ready for it, you can end up feeling very nervous and unconfident when this change takes place.
A small amount of stress is useful; it adds interest and motivation to life and keeps us on our toes. Changes that we perceive as moderate are not just harmless but also invigorating, as our adaptability needs to be trained regularly to stay in working order. As we practise going with the flow and dealing with changes, we become stronger. However, when the changes become too great or when they influence our lives negatively over a period of time, our capacity to adapt can become overstretched.
We all have a need to maintain physical and emotional equilibrium. It is when we are on an even keel that we feel comfortable and happy. Any change, especially an unpleasant one, threatens our equilibrium. In order to redress the balance we react with a stereotyped reaction which Hans Selye in his book The Stress of Life identified as the General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS). This syndrome springs into action as soon as a person perceives or experiences a stressor. First, the mind goes through the alarm stage where the body switches into overdrive. The muscles tense, adrenalin pumps through the system, blood-pressure rises. During the second stage, the resistance stage, all the heightened physical and mental responses help create increased activity so that the challenge can be met, but there is only so much strength and endurance that a person can muster before he or she goes to the third stage: exhaustion.
As you can imagine, if your capacity to adapt to change is in overdrive for too long, it can make you ill. If you have to cope day-in, day-out with a difficult and demanding boss who only criticizes but never praises, it will eventually wear you down. If you are looking after a bedridden relative all by yourself without getting any help or support, you can easily develop a physical or mental illness yourself. In extreme cases, prolonged exposure to stress can lead to physical and/or emotional breakdown.
By the time someone reaches the third stage it will be obvious that there is a problem. It is easier, however, to ignore the signs of the first two stages. Even though the term ‘alarm stage’ seems to indicate that you become consciously aware that a change is imminent, this is not necessarily so. At the alarm stage your body and mind get ready for action, but as this preparation happens unconsciously and therefore automatically, it can easily be overlooked. (In Part II of this book you will have an opportunity to check which physical, mental, emotional and behavioural signs you might experience while you are in the resistance stage, or even in the alarm stage – see page.)
You will already have noticed that stress is not a clear-cut matter which can be defined in objective terms. You may find that the best way of describing stress is at a totally subjective level, as any change that makes you feel uncomfortable physically or emotionally. This definition allows for individual differences in attitude and perception towards stressors.
A subjective definition also makes clear that stress is not the same thing as a great workload, a lot of responsibility or having demands made on you. If these scenarios were automatically synonymous with stress, then nobody could be expected to experience them free of stress. However, there are people who have a lot to do and yet stay unstressed by it; there are people who carry great responsibility and who cope with it very well. Stress is only partly a result of the situation itself; it is also, to an extent, caused by our attitude towards that situation. This explains why different people react differently to stress. Look around you while you sit on a commuter train when it is stuck between stations. Some people are simply bored, others annoyed, still others anxious.
Physiologically, the same thing happens to all of us when stress sets in. As soon as we perceive a situation as potentially threatening, our primitive stress response of ‘fight or flight’ springs into action. Our breathing rate increases (thereby providing the brain and the muscles with more oxygen), the heart rate increases, blood-pressure rises, sugars and fats are released into the bloodstream for extra energy, muscles tense up, the flow of saliva decreases and perspiration increases. All our senses are on ‘red alert’, and adrenalin and cortisol are released which mobilize the body. These spontaneous physical reactions are very useful when your house in on fire because they enable you to run faster and get away from danger more quickly. However, when you have the same automatic reactions when you are only thinking about tomorrow’s meeting at work, you are in trouble. Whereas in the first instance all that extra physical energy and tension are put to good use, in the second example this excess energy has nowhere to go – as you sit there worrying about the next day’s meeting, your stress hormones go round and round in your system, keeping everything buzzing in overdrive. For some people this means an increase in gastric juice secretion, which can ultimately lead to ulcers if the stress response kicks in on a regular basis. Also, the prolonged presence of stress and heavy demands on our ability to adapt can exhaust the body and increase the risk of damaging the function of organs such as the heart or the kidneys.
If you feel that you are particularly prone to unnecessary stress reactions, the next two chapters should help you pinpoint the reasons for this.
SUMMARY
Stress is evoked by our need to re-establish an equilibrium when changes occur.
Small amounts of stress are necessary and beneficial.
The three stress stages are alarm, resistance and exhaustion.
Certain personality types are more prone to stress than others.
Prolonged stress can lead to illness or mental breakdown.
The body reacts to stress by mobilizing physical responses to help us cope better with situations which we perceive as threatening.
Even our thoughts can create a physical stress response.
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ARE YOU A STRESS-PRONE TYPE? (#ulink_5ad57e00-a5a2-556a-b88b-c27f277db89a)
We perceive changes and stressors in our own unique ways. Depending on our background, upbringing and present circumstances, we may find ourselves coping with stress much better than our neighbour or colleague at work. Some of us are born with greater resilience than others, enabling us to stay calm longer than the next person when the going gets tough.
Apart from resilience and adaptability to change, we also bring with us particular dispositions when we are born. Anyone who has children or who is close to a family with small children will be able to confirm how different they are right from the start. One baby is placid and sleeps through the night very early on, whereas another baby will be more wakeful and excitable. One child plays happily on his own, whereas another one has to be entertained a lot to be content. These individual predispositions, together with the manner in which parents bring up their children, will result in various personality types – some of which are particularly vulnerable to stress.
THE ANXIOUS TYPE
This personality type will be lacking somewhat in self-confidence, unsure of his or her abilities even if others try to be reassuring. Anxious people are reluctant to express any negative emotions openly and are often incapable of saying ‘no’ if someone makes unreasonable demands on them. This unwillingness and fear to stand up for themselves comes either from a distorted sense of duty (something that has usually been drummed into them during childhoood) or from the mistaken belief that they will make themselves unpopular if they do not comply with other people’s wishes. Even though anxious people appear to be conformist, they often harbour strong resentments against those whose wishes they seem to carry out so willingly.
STRESS PROBLEMS
Anxious people tend to go for undemanding jobs, which can easily lead them to becoming frustrated and bored. If they progress to a more responsible job they tend to feel easily hassled when the workload increases and will often take their unease out on others.
THE PERFECTIONIST
Perfectionists like everything to be in its proper place and done at the proper time. Routine is of great importance, as is detail. Mistakes are not tolerated – they will even rewrite a handwritten, informal message if their pen slips or a word has been misspelled. This rather plodding way of dealing with life works out well as long as the job in hand is stable and predictable. Perfectionists are usually hard-working and reliable, but not equipped to deal with sudden emergencies or change.
STRESS PROBLEMS
Their great problems adapting to change, and their unwillingness to give up established routines, can cause stress for perfectionists if they find themselves distracted from their routines. Their diligent attention to detail means that they are creating stress for themselves when better prioritization and a more even-handed approach to less important tasks could easily save the day.
THE STIMULUS-SEEKER
This personality type strives on risk and is often addicted to the rush of adrenalin which accompanies any venture. Stimulus-seekers have a certain dare-devil attitude and can be quite brilliant at what they are doing, be it in sports or in the business world. However, they have a very limited attention span. Once the thrill is over, they move on to the next project. They are often not concerned with details and leave others to do the menial parts of a job while they attend to the Trig picture’. Stimulus-seekers will typically choose professions where risk-taking promises to yield great amounts of money and/or esteem.
STRESS PROBLEMS
Stimulus-seekers experience the risks of their ventures as beneficial stress, and thrive on it. Their minds race with possibilities rather than worries, and as a consequence they tend to smoke and drink too much. Substance abuse and its negative side-effects are more common in stimulus-seekers than are mental and/or physical illness.
THE AMBITIOUS TYPE (A-TYPE)
A-type personalities tend to be hard-driven and aggressive, channelling all their energies into their work. A-types have little or no time for a social life or hobbies; they live, think and dream ‘work’. They have problems delegating and are highly critical of themselves and others, often becoming impatient and angry when things do not run smoothly. They find it impossible to sit down quietly and do nothing; they are constantly moving, jiggling their knees and tapping their fingers – in times of stress they tend to do several things at the same time. They also find it hard to concentrate fully on conversations because they are already racing ahead in their mind, thinking about the next thing they want to do.
The A-type personality is the stress category that has been most widely studied. This type is found not just in high-level jobs, but all the way through the various strata of society.
STRESS PROBLEMS
In their efforts to control everything and everyone around them, A-types exert themselves physically and mentally. They are unable to recognize when they have reached their limit and will typically suffer from high blood-pressure. A-types are prone to coronary heart disease, ulcers and atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries).
All stress-prone types of personality are driven by one thing: fear. The anxious person is afraid to be unpopular and to be considered unhelpful; the perfectionist is afraid of being ‘only human’; the stimulus-seeker is afraid of boredom; and the A-type is afraid of not being seen to achieve. Even though certain personality traits can predispose a person to have these fears, one’s upbringing also plays a part. Below we look at some of the factors that can lead to a personality type that is vulnerable to stress.
PRESSURE TO SUCCEED
When children are pressurized by parents and teachers constantly to achieve the very best results, and if love and approval are dependent on high performance, some children will internalize these conditions and later live their lives accordingly. Self-worth becomes totally dependent on achievements. Without achievements, they feel that they are nobody and that nobody will respect them. Within these rules there is no room for grey areas; there is only black and white.
CRITICISM
When criticized frequently and in an unconstructive manner, some children will withdraw, hoping to avoid further humiliation by keeping a low profile. They stop trying out new things, become anxious and unconfident in their own abilities and grow up to live their lives trying to please others and gain their approval in an attempt to maintain their own self-esteem.
LONELINESS
When children are shown little or no affection or interest they can grow up without self-worth or confidence in their own validity as human beings. As a consequence, their entry into the adult world of work can constitute an escape from these feelings of worthlessness. In their attempt to justify their existence, they may dedicate themselves over-zealously to their work.
OVERPROTECTION
Parents who do everything for their children prevent them from becoming independent and from having the opportunity to test their strength against the everyday world. This restrictive upbringing can lead to resentment and rebellion, coupled with great fear at what there is ‘out there’. As overprotected children grow up they keep on struggling with the same issues – not wanting to be controlled but at the same time fearing the freedom of being an independent person.
Now that we have looked at the personality types most affected negatively by stress, and some of the factors leading to becoming one of these types, it is time for you to judge for yourself whether you are in fact more prone to stress than most.
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QUESTIONNAIRE: CHECK YOUR PERSONALITY STRESS FACTORS (#ulink_b2102f6b-1a78-5c7d-a8d6-3399e7f3f6ee)
This questionnaire is made up of four categories of questions, grouped together according to the stress types we looked at in the previous chapter. Make a note of each statement that is true for you, giving yourself 1 point for each. Try to do this quickly, without pondering over individual statements for too long.
WHAT ANXIOUS PEOPLE SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES
Others take advantage of me but I feel unable to stop them.
I am very upset by rows, even if they are between other people.
I prefer the devil I know rather than change to something new, even if it could be better for me.
I find it difficult to express my needs to others because I feel this might be selfish and self-indulgent.
Even if the other person has made a mistake, it is me who ends up apologizing.
WHAT STIMULUS-SEEKERS SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES
I get bored easily.
The only way you can further yourself is by taking risks.
I find it difficult to see a task through to the end.
I cannot be bothered with fiddly details.
I could never fit into an environment that required me to do routine work.
I do not like to be tied down in a steady relationship.
My business ventures take precedence over any private matters.
I am always thinking up new projects and ventures.
WHAT AMBITIOUS (A-TYPE) PEOPLE SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES
I am totally dedicated to any task I undertake.
I will always make sure I complete anything I start.
I can focus on my work to the total exclusion of other things.
I often forget to eat because I am so engrossed in my work.
I am only happy when I have a full diary.
I do not have time for a social life unless it is in connection with my work.
I can never really switch off from work.
I find it very difficult to take the initiative, either socially or professionally.
I cannot openly show my emotions, especially not the negative ones like anger or annoyance.
I never seem to get what I want.
WHAT PERFECTIONISTS SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES
I need to have everything ‘just so’.
I plan and carry out any work I do to the highest possible standard.
I greatly dislike it when my daily routine gets disrupted.
I am upset when things are not done as they should be done.
I get very agitated when I am prevented from finishing a job properly; I can only relax when all the ‘t’s are crossed and ‘i’s dotted.
My thoroughness makes me fall behind quite often.
I find myself mulling over how I could have done things better in the past.
When I have made only one small mistake, I have to do the whole job again, no matter how trivial the job itself is.
As soon as I have accomplished one task, I start on the next one.
How many points did you get in each section?
If you have four or more points in any one category, you have a strong tendency towards that personality type.
Very few people are a ‘classic’ specimen of any of the four types, but knowing which of the four you are most similar to can give you a good starting point for understanding what is driving you and how you can make adjustments to reduce your stress levels.
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WHAT IS CAUSING YOU STRESS? (#ulink_55a37061-afe2-56fb-9bbc-a49a39246223)
As mentioned in Chapter 1, there are of course many different causes of stress, and what is stressful to one person will not be to another. While it is beyond the scope of this book to describe all the possible causes of stress, this chapter outlines some of the most common culprits.
Stress is most commonly associated with a heavy workload or with having to shoulder great responsibility; the underlying cause of one’s reaction to stress may involve many other factors as well. Both home and the workplace can become the scene of many triggers for physical and mental tension which can gradually build up and, if left unchecked, can develop into a serious health risk.
WORK STRESSORS
The work environment is a veritable breeding ground for stress, for a variety of reasons. Wherever several people get together on a regular basis, tension becomes a possibility. Personalities can clash and roles within a group can be unclear and consequently adversely influence the effectiveness of the group as a whole. Rivalries often develop which lead to wranglings that have nothing to do with the job in hand, and general dissent about aims and procedures can mar the successful completion of an assignment or project.
Time pressure and deadlines are often part of a job, with projects having to be completed by a given date. In theory this should work well, provided everyone involved pulls his or her own weight. Unfortunately, things do not always run smoothly. Deadlines are sometimes set by people not directly involved in a project, which means they may be unreasonably tight, or even impossible to meet. The result? Everyone involved ends up feeling frustrated and angry.
Unless you work for yourself, most people have to report to someone in a higher position, and a lot of stress can arise if the boss is not a good leader or communicator. People are often promoted to leadership positions only on the strength of their professional skill and knowledge. Whereas they may have been excellent members of staff, they may not make very good heads of a department or sector. Very often, an inability to communicate effectively is at the root of the problem.
Then there are the difficult colleagues … Anyone who has ever worked with or for a difficult person will know how exhausting it can be. If there is friction between people in an office (be it open or implied) anger and resentment can fester, making you stressed out and, eventually, ill.
There are three main types of people who can create upheaval in the workplace – the Bully, who hassles anyone below him or her in the pecking order; the Backstabber, who has an inferiority complex and is nice to your face and puts you down when you have left the room; and the Shirker, who disappears whenever the going gets tough, leaving everyone else to sort out the problem. (We shall look at these three in more detail in Chapter 14.)
Unfortunately, women in particular are still often at the receiving end of bullying and harassment. Even though things have improved over the last few decades, woman are still not treated as equals in many work environments. Certain professions will only reluctantly allow women into their top ranks and, if they do, women still have to work doubly hard and are often paid less than their male counterparts. For the female employee, all this strain is often in addition to the responsibility of having to look after her family when she gets home in the evenings …
Stress can also evolve directly from your working environment. If you have to work with inadequate equipment this can affect you just as greatly as having to do a day’s typing on an uncomfortable chair that makes your back hurt so much you cannot concentrate after a while. Physical stressors can also include bad lighting, poor ventilation, and pollutants (such as cigarette smoke) in the air. An unpleasant or unsuitable environment can cause you not only to feel ill, but does little to boost morale among the members of the workforce who have to put up with it.
Then of course there is the situation of working on your own. It is a fairly modern phenomenon for people to run their own businesses from home or from modest office premises. It takes a dedicated and disciplined person to make working alone a success. You need to be highly motivated and have a strong sense of direction to get through the times when job-related matters do not progress as well as you would like them to, and when there is no one there to discuss things with you can easily end up feeling lonely and isolated.
DOMESTIC STRESSORS
As mentioned regarding work stressors, wherever there are people there is the possibility of stress. Just because at home the people around you are related to you does not mean that there are no power struggles going on!
An obvious cause of stress is disagreement or tension among family members. This can arise from a basic incompatibility between partners. When children are involved, an untenable marriage is often kept going in the belief that this will be better for the children. In reality, children suffer just as much, if not more, by living in a strained atmosphere at home than if they lived with one relatively happy parent.
Any instability in family life, be it rows or frequent absences of one partner, causes stress. Maybe one parent is away from home a lot because of business or the nature of his or her job, leaving the other to cope. Any decisions concerning the children have to be made by this parent, and in addition he or she has to shoulder all the responsibility if things do not work out and the children get into difficulties. With bullying, truancy and racism rife at many schools, and with the increased availability of drugs even in rural areas, it can be incredibly difficult – and stressful – bringing up children today.
If it is stressful to have healthy children, it is even more so when you have a child who is disabled or severely ill. Special children need help to do things which other youngsters can do unaided, and as there are only 24 hours in a day, loving parents will often end up neglecting themselves in the process. This can cause serious health problems for the parents, the stresses manifesting themselves both physically and mentally.
Of course, actual crises such as seeing your child or anyone else close to you die of an incurable disease or losing a baby through cot death are among the most tragic life situations you can be faced with.
But it is not just one’s immediate family who can be the cause of stress. What happens if your parents are no longer able to look after themselves, when they become too frail or unwell to run their own household? Some very difficult decisions have to be made, and these decisions are not only dependent on personalities but also on finances and circumstances. Considerable change is brought about by having one or two extra people in the house, people who have their own ways of doing things, their own habits and routines. This situation is not only stressful for the children, but also for the ageing parents who are trying to adapt to their new environment.
Today we understand that stress symptoms can also emerge when a family member has difficulties getting past a particular stage in the life cycle, such as becoming an adult, moving in with or marrying someone, becoming a parent, seeing the children leave home, and retirement. Each of these stages brings its own difficulties; people may find themselves having to adjust to their new role in life even as they work through letting go of the old one.
OTHER STRESSORS
Any changes that disrupt your daily routine are stressful to a greater or lesser extent, depending on your general disposition and circumstances. When you lose your job or find yourself in financial trouble for any other reason, this will cause great worry and concern – money problems have a direct knock-on effect on so many other matters in life.
Interestingly, even what we would consider to be positive changes can create stress, such as holidays or a promotion. The reason is that when you are taken out of your familiar home or work environment, you will automatically have to adjust to your new situation, and this involves the expenditure of extra mental energy, often coupled with a sense of anxiety.
Your immediate environment also has a great influence on your well-being. If you live in an isolated area (whether in a rural backwater or an anonymous block of flats), stress can be brought about by the fact that you have too little personal contact with other people.
Also, in areas where crime or violence are common, just leaving the house can be very stressful. Equally distressing are neighbours with antisocial habits who quarrel loudly or play their music at top volume in the middle of the night, just as any other form of noise pollution (say from nearby airports or factories) can disturb your sense of equilibrium and, therefore, invoke a stress reaction.
PART 2 (#ulink_875d7ed8-7685-5923-ab8e-800048ec47f7)
It is important to understand the warning signals that your body and mind send out in response to a physical or emotional overload. By acquainting yourself with these stress symptoms you will be able to recognize and deal with them quickly and effectively, before they get out of hand.
There are some warning signs that people readily associate with stress, such as excessive smoking, tiredness, headaches and irritability. But did you know that the habit of checking and re-checking whether you have locked your front door or turned off the cooker is also a symptom caused by stress? Or were you aware that a bad memory can be a sign of stress?
Understanding which form stress can take also gives you a better choice of how to combat it. You may decide that, rather than popping a pill when a tension headache crops up you will learn to relax more fully (page); that rather than taking sedatives for anxiety you will deal with what is causing the anxiety in the first place – this might involve becoming more assertive and being able to state your own needs more clearly (page).
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PHYSICAL REACTIONS (#ulink_6f15a767-eab9-549f-b80e-c705091eee58)
Our internal organs are controlled and regulated, without our conscious effort, by the autonomic (or vegetative) nervous system (ANS). The ANS consists of two antagonistic sets of nerves, the sympathetic and the parasympathetic nervous systems. The former connects the internal organs to the brain by spinal nerves; it prepares the organism for fight or flight when stress occurs. The nerve fibres of the parasympathetic nervous system, on the other hand, consist of cranial nerves and lumbar spinal nerves and have the task of getting the body back to normal after it has been aroused by the sympathetic nervous system.
This means that the sympathetic nervous system, once it is aroused, will set in motion a number of physical processes such as general muscle tension, dilation of the pupils, restriction of the flow of saliva in the mouth, dilation of the bronchi, opening of the pores and increased perspiration, constriction of the bowels and loosening of the bladder. In addition, the liver is activated to release sugar into the blood to produce extra energy, and hormones such as adrenalin and corticosteroids are pumped out into the system, accelerating breathing and increasing the heart rate. While all this is going on the autonomic nervous system slows down digestion processes.
Once the stress-inducing situation is over, the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system reverses all the above processes – the pupils contract again, saliva starts flowing freely once more, the bronchi contract, the heart rate slows down, the pores close, the bladder contracts and digestion is stimulated, as is the release of bile which helps digest fats.
To help you understand these physical processes we will take a look at a typical situation that produces some common stress symptoms.
SITUATION
You are worried about having to give a talk in front of a group of people. As you prepare for it, you become aware of the following physical reactions in yourself:
– your mouth goes dry and your voice becomes more high-pitched (flow of saliva restricted, muscles in throat tense)
– your heart beats faster and your breathing becomes irregular (chest muscles tense up and bronchi dilate, adrenalin is released)
– you need to go to the toilet to pass water more often than usual (bladder loosened)
– you are constipated or have stomach cramps (muscles tense up)
– your hands feel clammy (pores open and perspiration increases)
– you feel anxious and have ‘butterflies’ in your stomach (adrenalin is pumping through your system)
– you feel restless and pace up and down, your hands shaking and your knees trembling (blood sugar levels are up to provide more energy; adrenalin and corticosteroids accelerate body processes).
As you can see, these physical symptoms are not all in the mind but are caused by very real changes in your blood chemistry, activated by the sympathetic nervous system. However, it is your mind that ultimately determines how strongly your body reacts to change or unusual circumstances. Depending on your attitudes, beliefs and general predisposition you will assess a situation as either harmless or dangerous. Some people positively thrive on challenges and are at their best when they need to deal with unforeseen situations; others will feel threatened and stressed.
The effects of the sympathetic nervous system can be very beneficial, provided they do not come into play too often or too excessively. A slight increase in body tension, together with higher energy levels and the associated faster reaction time, is of great value if you have to perform well; it is when these reactions become excessive that problems result and we are less likely to cope well.
When the sympathetic nervous system is stimulated repeatedly and over a long period of time, your body may be able to adapt for a while, but as soon as any additional demands are made on it – such as those brought about by an unhealthy diet, smoking, drinking or lack of sleep – your system gets overloaded and can break down. Being in physical overdrive can become a habit, and if there is never a chance for the parasympathetic nervous system to kick into gear and reverse the process, you wear down your inner organs. This is analogous to driving your car at high speed in a low gear all the time – eventually you have problems with the engine.
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Vera Peiffer
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Саморазвитие, личностный рост
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 28.04.2024
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О книге: A strong addition to the ‘Principles series’ of introductory guides. The book explains what stress is, how it causes physical and mental problems and how to cope successfully with the increased pressures of modern day living.Previously published as 20 MINUTES TO MASTER … STRESS MANAGEMENT.The book introduces the reader to the stress-prone personality types, what the potential stress triggers are, and suggests effective exercises to help you relax.Covering the physical stress symptoms and behavioural problems associated with stress such as compulsive behaviour the book shows why the scourge of modern day Western living needs to be understood to be beaten.Whether you are a perfectionist, ambitious, anxious, or stimulus-seeking person, the book will be an invaluable eye-opener – a key to learning to deal with stress positively.