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The Long Road Ahead
Rosie James
The war might be over, but trying to get life back on track is anything but easy for Alice Watts.Follow Alice’s journey back to post-Blitz Bristol where she searches for family, friends, and one particular loved one, in a world where it’s expected to mend and make do… and where it’s sometimes impossible to put your heart before your head…A tale of true courage and the power of sheer determination, this un-put-downable post-WWII set saga is filled with warmth, humour and heart-wrenching emotion.Perfect for fans of Nadine Dorries, Katie Flynn and Dilly Court.Previous books in the Home Land Farm Girls series:Book 1 – Letters to Alice



The war might be over, but trying to get life back on track is anything but easy for Alice Watts.
Follow Alice’s journey back to post-Blitz Bristol where she searches for family, friends, and one particular loved one, in a world where it’s expected to mend and make do… and where it’s sometimes impossible to put your heart before your head…
A tale of true courage and the power of sheer determination, this un-put-downable post-WWII set saga is filled with warmth, humour and heart-wrenching emotion.
The Long Road Ahead
The Land Girls of Home Farm
Rosie James


www.CarinaUK.com (http://www.CarinaUK.com)
Born in Bristol of Welsh parentage, ROSIE JAMES has always been a compulsive writer, her early enthusiasm kept alive by winning the occasional childhood literary prize, and much later by seeing her articles and short stories published. She is a trained singer, and as a lyric coloratura soprano, her leading roles include many in grand opera, operetta and oratorio, her music taking her to many parts of the continent. She enjoys theatre, eating out with friends, and she entertains regularly at home – slightly hindered by her King Charles spaniel, who always insists on testing all dishes for flavour. She has three grown-up children, and when they and their young offspring arrive, the normally peaceful house becomes dramatically changed – and always for the better. Rosie lives in Somerset.
Contents
Cover (#uae287f84-ee6e-51c6-8dd5-9ca8f4b470d5)
Blurb (#udca4574d-77cd-5610-92d3-ccbc0886e9a7)
Title Page (#uf0bb39c9-2e30-5662-8ea9-0784fba88b1a)
Author Bio (#u6d09940c-b9eb-5900-afc3-2d36876f0e00)
Dedication (#u0753ae39-0af0-5a5a-a33d-eb257315dd41)
Chapter One (#uf77c6161-ad58-52fa-97e6-48e98f588f1d)
Chapter Two (#uac25f56c-8cfd-55a5-8bb7-6190ba406966)
Chapter Three (#u4057f813-d5f7-5ed9-834c-9a1fcadb5861)
Chapter Four (#u08b09727-6c4e-5c43-b4b6-71c79dd4ab9d)
Chapter Five (#u791f34a1-3bb5-5143-aee4-1f547281389e)
Chapter Six (#u25b73851-c09a-5178-987d-4ba15ac26194)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seventeen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eighteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nineteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twenty (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twenty-One (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twenty-Two (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twenty-Three (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twenty-Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twenty-Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twenty-Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twenty-Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twenty-Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Endpages (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Dedication (#ulink_d805b879-5d06-5c9a-86c9-eae8db78c487)
TBC
Chapter One (#ulink_5886288c-15a2-59a2-97b1-961f2f1b1aed)
March 1947
Alice drew the small padded stool closer to the fire and sat down, hugging her knees. Thanks to the sack of coal which had been delivered this morning, she’d been able to indulge herself by setting the fire high with the precious lumps of black magic, which burned and crackled with extra brightness, the flames curling busily up the chimney, sending out a delicious heat that warmed every part of her from the top of her head to the tips of her toes.
Not that Alice really needed that much warming up…not really. Because inside, she was on fire. She was feeling truly alive, truly ready to take on the whole world if that ever became necessary.
Because she had been given her heart’s desire. She was lucky…and hadn’t she thought that so many times before? Hadn’t she thought that Lady Luck was never far away – despite all the ups and downs and sad times?
Drawing back just a bit from the hearth, she opened the wallet containing packets of the most precious things she had ever owned. Or would ever own.
Her letters.
They were all in date order, carefully preserved over the last twenty years or so, and in some ways, they traced her story, she thought now. Some were from friends who would always be her friends…her greatest friends…incorrigible Fay, and vulnerable Eve…their Evie. Alice smiled. It had been Fay’s whimsical notion to nickname them the Three Wise Monkeys ever since they’d found themselves sitting together on that bus which would take them to Home Farm and their war work as Land Girls. If it hadn’t been for the war, they’d never have met – so thanks for that, Mr. Hitler!
And there were those lovely letters from Helena…dearest Helena Carmichael who had been Alice’s employer, and Alice’s mother Ada’s, before that.
But most were from Samuel.
Alice began taking the letters from the first packet, opening them out carefully, and spreading them, one by one, on her lap as she began to re-read them. Almost all of them were far too precious to share with another human being, and she had made up her mind that when she died they would go with her. She would be holding them to her heart as she was lowered into the grave, and she intended leaving a formal note about this to whoever took charge of such things.
But of all of them, the ones from Samuel would always take pride of place.
Samuel. Her heart’s desire. The love of her young, of her entire life.
And the sole reason for making her burn with such ecstatic happiness, such enthusiasm for the future, such total contentment…what a flaccid word “contentment” was when talking about romantic love!…was because, two days ago, Sam had asked her to be his wife.
His wife. The dream she had clung to.
And Alice couldn’t help it if she was experiencing every sought-after human emotion with a passion burning more brightly than the fire in front of her. Now, nothing could dampen her spirits.
The dreadful, debilitating weather of early 1947 still persisted, but what on earth did the weather have to do with Alice! Weather? Who cared about weather!
Presently, having re-read all her letters, Alice was thoughtful for a second as she put them away. One or two of them had made her smile, all over again…but the penultimate one she had had from Eve had provoked a slight pang of discomfort. Because while Evie’s future with her beloved was apparently now so happily secure, Alice knew that own road ahead – despite her present euphoria – was unlikely to be so straightforward. How could it possibly be? She and Sam had come from such different backgrounds. Was she ever really going to fit in, despite their love for each other? Was she capable? Was she…was she worthy? Not so much worthy of him, but of the Carmichael dynasty? Of, in the foreseeable future, becoming one of them? And, even worse, had the war changed her into someone else? Was she the same person who’d written all those letters to Sam over the years? Alice cringed at the misgivings which had arrived, unannounced, to enter her sub-conscious…
Evie’s letter had arrived on the 2
of January.
Dearest Alice
I wanted you to be the first one to know that something wonderful happened just before Christmas. My parents were out, and I was in the drawing room playing the piano…playing all those songs we sang at the village hall, and the Wheatsheaf, during the war. It brought back all those wonderful memories – and guess what? I didn’t realise it, but my parents had been listening at the doorway and they were PLEASED! They said they were pleased to hear me play even though it wasn’t Bach or Beethoven! I can’t tell you how relieved I was!
And then, remembering the advice you gave me when we had lunch together the day before, in Bristol, I plunged straight in and told them! Explained about Max! The words just came spilling out of my mouth, and I was trembling like a leaf, afraid of what they were going to say. But – and I still can’t believe it – they were all right about it and said I should invite Max to tea the following Sunday! I almost fainted with amazement!
And the best bit, Alice, is, that they actually seemed to like Max. They were kind and welcoming to him – and of course he was utterly lovely to them! Being there, the four of us, seemed to me like being in heaven! Especially when Max took his turn at the piano, charming my parents to bits – especially my mother. I think that clinched it, divorce or no divorce!
Even though it is New Year’s Day as I write this, I must not get carried away, Alice. Things could still go horribly wrong for Max and me, but I somehow don’t think they will. I just feel it in my bones that we are meant to be together, and once he is free to marry again, and I have my parents’ approval, I feel nothing but hope for us. Sorry if I appear to be seeing the world through rose-tinted spectacles, but I have never wanted anything so badly in my life, and suddenly I feel as if my wish will come true.
Can we all meet again soon? In Bristol? I will treat us to lunch, or afternoon tea, at the Royal Hotel. I am writing to Fay with my news. I know she will be pleased for me.
All possible love, Alice. Evie. (No.3 wise monkey!)
Alice gazed into the far distance as her thoughts ran on. Happily for Evie, Max’s wife had conveniently done the disappearing act, leaving the coast clear for the two lovers, while – at one time – Alice’s own situation had been as bleak as it could possibly be. Millicent, Sam’s cousin, the wonderful, beautiful, perfect member of the Carmichael dynasty, had been responsible for that. There’d been no contest. Millicent had won from the very beginning…or so Alice had thought.
And yet, and yet…now, the unthinkable had not only become the thinkable…it had become fact! Glorious, mesmerizing fact! Samuel Carmichael was going to be hers!
Presently, Alice began to tidy up the small sitting room, putting away her book and newspaper, and plumping up the cushions, before getting ready for bed. It was Monday night. She hadn’t mentioned her engagement to Valerie at work that day – though how Alice had managed that, she’d never know. She had been longing to shout it out to anyone who would listen, but for some reason she’d decided to keep the news to herself for just a bit longer. Valerie was Alice’s young assistant at the estate agent’s office which she, Alice, had been given sole charge of since leaving the Bristol branch eighteen months ago.
She hadn’t slept much last night, going over and over everything. There was going to be such a lot to plan… Sam had said that it was her wedding, and that all decisions should be hers – though of course he would be ready to do, or arrange, anything she might ask of him. But the more Alice had thought about it as she’d tossed and turned, the more she’d felt decidedly panicky. A daughter’s wedding was, traditionally, the important occasion handled solely by the bride’s mother – wasn’t it? And all expenses paid by the bride’s family? And even though Sam had mentioned – in passing – that money was not important, and not the issue, and that she was not to worry about a thing, that side of her big day did worry Alice. If only her mother was still here! She’d know what to do about all the decisions Alice was going to have to make…
But hang on a minute…there was still Fay and Evie! Had Alice forgotten those other wise monkeys? Because they would be there, backing her up all the way, she knew that.
The only thing which had been more or less decided between her and Sam was the approximate date of the big day. Sam wanted it to be around the time of the anniversary of his mother’s recent death.
‘I do not want every Christmas, from now on, to be full of sorrow and heartache,’ he’d declared. ‘Christmas at Clifton was always one of the happiest times of the year, and we, you and I, Alice, are going to put joy and hope into it, not sadness and looking back.’
But before all that, there was so much for Alice to think about…where on earth should she start?
She woke early the following morning – glad to get up from the bed which, once again, hadn’t given her much rest. Still in her dressing gown, she went down into the kitchen to make herself tea and toast, and glanced up at the calendar on the wall above the sink. Tuesday, 1
April 1947. April Fool’s Day.
One good thing – so far as her situation was concerned – was that she still had this little rented house, provided by the company, to live in until she gave them the three months’ statutory notice of leaving. Alice frowned as she waited for the kettle to boil, realizing that, after that, once again she would be homeless. Even though she’d been assured, many times, that the Clifton house would always be there for her, she hadn’t lived there for years, and didn’t feel that she could go straight there after leaving Dorchester. That wouldn’t seem right. It would be inappropriate. And anyway, she certainly couldn’t leave from there on her wedding day – that would be silly! A bride always leaves from her own home, her own family…doesn’t she? But Alice had no home. And no family, either. This little house had been home since October 1945. She sighed briefly as she put a spoonful of tealeaves into the pot.
Well, there were nine whole months before her wedding day, so perhaps if she waited until, say, September before giving in her notice, at least she’d have somewhere to live while she sorted out all the other things connected to a wedding. Besides, she was going to need all the money she could earn until then – to pay for her wedding dress – at least she had plenty of clothing coupons saved up – and there’d be the flowers for the church, and dresses and presents for her bridesmaids, and a present for Sam… Oh help! It was true that thanks to Helena’s thoughtful foresight in banking her salary for her all those years ago, and her own earnings later on, Alice did have a considerable sum saved up…but everyone knew how much weddings cost…
As she poured boiling water into the pot to make her tea, Alice realized that her hands were actually shaking at all this introspection…did all brides-to-be worry like this, she asked herself? It had already started to feel as if it was going to be a very long and difficult journey before she became Mrs. Samuel Carmichael!
Presently, telling herself not to be so stupid, and that the future would probably open up if she didn’t panic, Alice got ready for work and left the house, almost bumping into the postman as he came up the path. There was one letter for her. And the writing on the envelope was Sam’s. Alice tucked it into her handbag and made her way quickly to work. Valerie wouldn’t be in for half an hour, so there was plenty of time to sit and be with Sam for a few precious minutes.
Monday, 31
March 1947
My dearest, darling Alice
I still feel in a complete daze that you have agreed to be my wife. My wife! I feel so proud, so happy, to say the words, but it is going to seem a very long time before that actually happens! How can I possibly wait!
However, as we agreed last night, I contacted the minister of St. Mary Redcliffe today, and our date of 23
December has been agreed.
After I’d seen you off at the station, I felt completely lost…as if I wasn’t really myself, and as if part of me had gone with you. And I realized how little time we’d had to discuss important matters.
First things first, I want to buy your engagement ring – so I intend coming to Dorchester as soon as possible. Could it be this coming Saturday – if you are available? Or the following one? Both of which are free for me at the moment.
I realize there will be a mountain of other things to sort out, my darling, but we’ll get there. My father and I stayed up rather late, talking, after you’d gone back – when we also had rather a lot to drink! And it was so good to see him genuinely happy – happy about our news – that he really couldn’t stop smiling, which he hasn’t done much of recently, as you can imagine.
But there is one ground rule which he insists upon. The house in Clifton will always be your – our – home – for ever, and for as long as we want it or need it. Wherever else we have to be over the next few years, here is where our roots will always be grounded. Yours and mine, Alice.
Let me know, soon, when I can come to Dorchester. Ring me here – I am not returning to London until Wednesday.
Ever your own – Sam.
PS. Oh yes, the other thing my father said was that our wedding reception, wherever we choose it to be – shall be his responsibility. He said that since he has always regarded you as his third daughter, this is his prerogative.
PPS. I love you. I couldn’t possibly love you more than I do at this moment.
Chapter Two (#ulink_d92108ef-83e2-50fd-8f23-307fd66dc2d6)
Valerie arrived five minutes before the shop opened and she came in quickly, shutting the door behind her with a bang.
‘Is it ever going to warm up!’ she demanded. ‘I am sick of wrapping myself up like an Egyptian mummy! And having to paddle around everywhere! I’m beginning to grow webbed feet!’
Alice smiled across at her. ‘The weather will change soon – they’ve promised us,’ she said. ‘Come over here – I’ve put two bars on the electric fire. Blow the expense!’
Valerie went into the cloakroom to hang up her coat and scarf, then joined Alice in the office and crouched down in front of the fire, rubbing her hands. And Alice looked at her thoughtfully. She would have to tell the girl her news soon – today – it was only fair. She cleared her throat.
‘Did you have a good weekend, Valerie?’ she began, and Valerie interrupted.
Yes – I did. I went shopping with a couple of friends on Saturday afternoon, and then in the evening my brother and his wife invited my parents and me to their place for supper. Joan made a really nice meal…she’s always been a good cook…but this was the first time since they got together again that she’d made that kind of effort. It felt like a proper celebration,’ Valerie added.
‘That does sound lovely,’ Alice said. And it was lovely, she thought, that Ronnie Gates had been able to forgive his wife her disloyalty with someone else while he’d been away during the war. Forgive her enough to stand with her in front of the altar and repeat their original vows. Alice had been a guest at the joyful and rather unusual ceremony at the church.
Valerie stood up reluctantly, and yawned. ‘Well, I suppose I ought to make a start on those specs,’ she said. ‘I didn’t finish them all on Saturday morning.’ She yawned again. ‘Did you have a good weekend? You said you were going to Bristol on business didn’t you?’
Alice waited before replying. Then – ‘As a matter of fact, Valerie,’ she said, ‘I had the most wonderful weekend of my entire life…’
Valerie was immediately interested. ‘Why? What did you do? Quick – tell me!’
Alice swallowed, still almost unable to believe the words she was going to utter. ‘It’s just that…I’ve become engaged, Valerie,’ she said. ‘The man I love – the man I have always loved – asked me to marry him. And I’ve accepted.’
Valerie’s eyes shone with excitement. Who doesn’t like engagements and weddings! ‘Show me the ring!’ she demanded, moving over to take Alice’s hand.
Alice shook her head, laughing. ‘There isn’t a ring yet,’ she said, ‘because he wasn’t sure I would accept him! But he’s coming down to Dorchester soon – probably on Saturday – and we shall choose it together.’
Valerie’s excitement seemed to reverberate around the room. ‘Oh how exciting, Alice! Have you known him long? And if so – why haven’t you brought him here to show us? Come on – tell me all about it…did he go down on one knee? Did you keep him waiting – as if he might be number two or three on your list of possible suitors?’ Valerie was a hopeless romantic. ‘What’s his name…and is he tall and handsome – and have you got a photo? You must have a photo!’
Alice held up her hands in mock surrender. ‘Hang on a minute, Valerie,’ she said. ‘and I’ll start from the beginning. Well…his name is Sam – Samuel Carmichael, and I’ve known him for most of my life because we lived in the same house in Bristol when we were young…my mother was employed as nanny to his younger siblings – two sets of twins, David and John, and Rose and Margaret. Those little girls were a real handful! And then, when my mother died, that became my job until I left to start my office career at nineteen – I’d learned shorthand and typing at Pitman’s college.’ Alice paused to take a breath. ‘And yes, he is tall and handsome – but he didn’t go down on one knee…actually he went down on both. Because I was sitting on the sofa at the time.’
‘Where were you when he proposed?’ Valerie was going to have all the details. ‘Whose sofa were you sitting on?’
‘His. Well, theirs. The Carmichaels’. I’d gone to their house in Clifton to talk about a business matter – or so I’d thought – but it didn’t exactly turn out to be the sort of business I’d imagined!’
Valerie folded her arms and looked up at the ceiling for a moment. ‘Oh, how romantic,’ she breathed. ‘He’s tall, and handsome…and is he rich as well?’
Alice looked Valerie fondly. The girl seemed as excited as if all this had happened to her. ‘You said you’d always loved him, Alice,’ Valerie went on slowly. ‘And did you know, from the very beginning, that you really, really did love him? And that you were meant for each other?’
Alice waited before answering. Wasn’t that the identical question she had asked her mother all that time ago? And Alice would give exactly the same answer she’d heard that night. ‘Yes, Valerie,’ she said, ‘I have always loved him, from the very beginning, and I knew we were meant for each other. But I couldn’t be sure if he felt the same about me. It was only three days ago that he revealed his true feelings. And I’d never dared to hope that the day would come,’ she added truthfully.
By this time Valerie was almost overcome with emotion. This was like something from the pictures! She went across to Alice and hugged her.
‘Well, I think he’s the luckiest man in the whole, wide world, whoever he is!’ she said flatly. ‘Because you say that he’s handsome – but you are beautiful, Alice…I can see people, men, take a second glance at you every time they come in here, or when we’ve been out together. And Rex – from the Bristol branch where you used to work – is mad about you…yes, he is, Alice,’ she declared, as Alice made to disagree. ‘I can see it every time he comes down here – that’s why he keeps making excuses to drive all the way from Bristol and take us out to lunch and stuff. He can’t take his eyes off you!’
‘Well, anyway, I think I’ve answered all your questions, Valerie,’ Alice said quickly – ‘except the one about whether Sam is rich. And I honestly don’t think he can be. It’s true he comes from a well-established family in Bristol – his father is a professor of medicine – a surgeon – and the Clifton house is very nice. But that doesn’t belong to Sam who’s training to be a surgeon himself,’ she added. ‘He’s got a long way to go to reach the same status as his father.’
This was becoming all too much for Valerie. ‘Oh Alice,’ she murmured, ‘you are going to marry a very tall, very handsome, very clever man who you’ve always loved and who loves you… I’m going to start crying in a minute…’
Alice stood up. ‘Don’t do that, Valerie,’ she said, ‘because we’ve got our first customer. He’s looking in the window and he’s coming in now…’
Thanks to the fact that they had one or two genuine enquiries about house purchases and flat lettings, the day was passing quite quickly. Though it was difficult to concentrate because every time they had a quiet spell, all Valerie wanted to do was talk about the engagement.
‘Have you fixed a date yet?’ the girl wanted to know as she tucked into one of the fresh currant buns with the sugary tops which she’d bought for them to celebrate. ‘I don’t expect it’ll be until next year, will it,’ she added, licking her fingers, ‘because weddings take ages and ages to arrange, don’t they…there’s always so much to decide! I remember when my brother was getting married – the first time, I mean – it nearly gave Joan a nervous breakdown!’
Alice nearly choked on her bun. She didn’t need anyone saying things like that! ‘Oh, we don’t really know the date yet,’ she said, crossing her fingers against the little white lie. But she’d made up her mind that it was better to say nothing about when she might be leaving…for all sorts of reasons. And one of the lesser reasons was that she knew Valerie would be really upset. The girl had said, so often, that she had never been happier than working here with Alice…because the days never seemed long since they were usually so busy, and that they always got on well together and sometimes had fits of the giggles about some of the clients…and that for the first time in her life she always looked forward to coming to work. Her enthusiasm had been quite touching, Alice had often thought. She shrugged inwardly. Disruptions usually cause someone some upset, but there was no need to upset Valerie just yet. ‘I’m sure we’ll discuss dates…things like that,’ she said airily, ‘when Sam comes down. There’s no rush.’
When Alice got back home that evening – quite late thanks to the couple who kept on and on about what they were looking for, and who insisted on telling her their life story while they were about it – there were two letters on the mat which had arrived in the afternoon post.
Alice picked them up, shrugged off her coat, and as usual went straight into the kitchen to put the kettle on. Then she switched on the light and sat down on the stool to examine the writing on the envelopes. And smiled. The first one had Eve’s neat, precise handwriting on it, and the other one was from Fay. Her bold scrawl, taking up nearly all the space on the envelope, was unmistakable. How funny that they should both be writing to her on the same day, Alice thought briefly. They hadn’t been in touch for a while. (And neither had she, to be fair.)
She opened Eve’s first.
Dearest Alice
Look, spring is almost here and we still haven’t arranged to meet! My offer of afternoon tea at the Royal still stands – I’m dying to tell you everything that’s been going on, and I’m wondering if Sunday week is any good for you? The thirteenth? I rang Fay at Miss Downs’s place, and that day is OK for her…so will you please ring me at home, and let me know? You have our number. I would love to contact you at your office, but I know that personal calls in business are always frowned upon – even though you are the boss! And I’m sure that whatever time of day I chose to ring would be the most inconvenient and that I would probably ruin the best deal you’d had for ages! I do hope you can make it. It’s over three months since we’ve been together, and I promise I shall be much more jolly this time!
With my love, Alice – Evie.
Alice put the letter aside, smiling. Evie was such a patent little thing, and her happiness was bubbling right over, you could feel it. And straightaway Alice knew that Sunday week would be all right for her, too, because just before leaving work, she’d phoned the Clifton house and spoken to Sam about his visit to Dorchester.
This coming Saturday, he was going to slip a ring on her finger! They were going to choose it together…and Alice knew that it was going to be beautiful…sparkling…glamorous…special…
But it wouldn’t have mattered to her if it was an old curtain ring he picked up from the gutter. All that mattered was the promise it held.
By now, the kettle had boiled for her cup of tea, and Alice decided to wait a few more minutes before opening the letter from Fay. To hold off the moment. To look forward to it for just a bit longer. Why had her letters always meant so much to her, she asked herself? Well, she knew the answer to that. It was because they’d been thought about, touched, handled and written by people – loved people – who had taken the trouble to sit down and think about her…who had taken the time to say what had been on their minds and hearts. Surely the time would never come when letter-writing became a thing of the past? When you had no reason to look forward to seeing the postman come up the path? Surely not?
It was a relief to Alice that, after a spell of unexplained loss of appetite, it had started to return…that she actually felt hungry at the appropriate times. And today was no exception. She’d seen a lovely pork chop for tenpence in the window of the small butcher’s on the corner, and she was going to grill it with some mushrooms, and have it with potato chips. There was enough lard in the cupboard to do that. Alice loved chips, especially straight out of newspaper and eaten with your fingers. With plenty of salt and a good splash of vinegar. She smiled to herself as she remembered her birthday last year when, as a complete surprise, Fay and Evie and Rex had all come down from Bristol for the occasion. And Valerie and her brother Ronnie were there, too, and they’d all walked along a very chilly Weymouth sea front, enjoying the traditional seaside treat together.
Presently, with her meal cooked and ready on the plate, Alice poured herself a glass of Corona, then took everything into the dining room and sat down at the table. The letter from Fay was there on the side, but she wouldn’t read it until she’d finished her meal. It could wait just a few more minutes.
Watcher, my old lover! (Alice’s smile broadened.)
What’s been going on with you, then? I hope you haven’t disappeared altogether, because to me, you looked proper skinny just before Christmas. (To the point, as usual.)
Now, there’s things to sort out. First, Evie wants to buy us tea at the Royal on the 13
– I’ve told her that’s no problem for me, and I hope it’s not for you, either, Alice. Make sure it isn’t, because Evie is so excited about the turn of events at home, that if she doesn’t tell us, soon, in person, I’m afraid she might explode. I’ve spoken to her on the phone, of course, but what I want to do is give her a great big hug. Or several great big hugs. I think she deserves her happiness, don’t you, and we should be there to tell her, as soon as possible.
The other thing is – Roger rang me up a few days ago to ask a favour. It’s his mother’s 65
birthday on Saturday the 26
of the month – and he said it would be her very best present if the three of us went to the farm to be there on the day. It would be a complete surprise if we all just turned up, say late afternoon after milking, and then he was going to book the Wheatsheaf for supper for us all. Mind you, knowing Mabel, I don’t think she’d appreciate that bit very much, because I’m sure she’d rather be the one providing the food – but that wasn’t for me to say, was it. Anyway I really think we should be there if we can – don’t you? I feel a bit bad, sometimes, that we haven’t made the effort to see the Foulkeses, but for one reason or another it just hasn’t happened, has it. And anyway, how did we know they’d really want us to? The war’s over, a thing of the past. Their life is back to where it was before we three turned up.
Anyway, Rog left me in no doubt that he would love us to come to his mother’s birthday treat, so I hope you agree with me and Evie that we should be there. Oh, and by the way…I can take us there in my car! I didn’t tell you at Christmas (I was keeping it as a surprise) that Miss Downs has been giving me driving lessons in her car for some time, and I’ve just passed my test. First time! I was pretty relieved, I must say, because my landlady was quite a fierce instructor! And then the mechanic who looks after her car found this second-hand Austin for me – which is a bit of a banger, obviously, but he says it’ll do me fine until I can afford something better. So we wouldn’t need to look for any other form of transport to get us to Home Farm on the 26
. Do ring and say you can come, Alice.
Lots of love to you, me ol’ dear – Fay
Chapter Three (#ulink_c946a2c4-6c84-5221-982a-3c55b83ca6da)
On Saturday afternoon, as she stood on the platform waiting for Sam’s train to pull in, Alice could feel her heart gathering pace. Because this felt like a first date! And in some ways it was, because this was the first time she and Sam were going to be together, alone, somewhere other than in Clifton. And she knew it was ridiculous, but she was actually feeling a bit shy. How could you possibly be shy with someone you’d known, and who’d known you, for almost all your lives?
But they were two different people now, weren’t they? They were two people who had finally declared their love for each other, and soon, very soon, he would place a ring on her finger to seal the fact which would tell the whole world that they had committed themselves to the promise of sharing their lives for ever.
Even as these thoughts filtered in and out of Alice’s mind, she still couldn’t really take it in. She still couldn’t believe that her dream, her dearest wish, had actually come true. She was going to be Sam’s wife.
She had already started practising her new signature…should it be just A. Carmichael, sort of dashed off carelessly, perhaps with a flourish somewhere? Or just A. Carmichael, neat and tidy, with no squiggles at all? She had always signed herself just Alice Watts, and she didn’t have a second name to add a bit of interest to her signature. Still, she was as proud to be a Watts as she was going to be as a Carmichael – and she knew that her mother would be happy for her. Ada would be so, so happy that her daughter was to have as good a life with the man she loved, as she herself had had with her merchant seaman husband Stanley Watts.
Alice automatically reached to touch her necklace which held the tiny, gold anchor, the present her mother had given her at Christmas so long ago, and which Alice had never removed from her neck. Recalling her mother’s words that she should remember her father and how brave he had been at sea, and that she, Alice, must always stay grounded – as an anchor must do – keep on an even keel, and never give up on her hopes and dreams.
Alice glanced around at the other people also waiting there on the platform for the train to arrive. Like her, they were all well wrapped up against the cold wind, though thankfully it had actually stopped raining for a few days. She was wearing her best cherry-red wool coat – the only other one she possessed was a green check plaid, which had seen better days – together with the fluffy white scarf around her neck which Gloria had given her several Christmases ago.
During the week, Alice had done as she’d been told and had contacted Eve and Fay about the dates on their respective letters, confirming that she would come to Bristol on the 13
for afternoon tea at the Royal Hotel, and that so far as Mabel’s birthday was concerned, Alice was to catch the midday train to Bristol, where Fay would be waiting to pick her up before driving the three of them to Home Farm. Eve would have caught the bus in from Bath earlier. And while they’d been talking about it, Fay had suggested that, as it was sure to be late after Mabel’s party, Alice should spend the night with her at Miss Downs’s house before going back to Dorchester the next day.
Alice smiled as she thought about the immediate future. Why was it that happy, exciting, special times crop up all at once, and then, usually after that, nothing much happens at all?
Number one on her present list, of course, was her engagement – absolutely no question that that was number one – but soon she and Fay and Evie were off to the farm! To see Mabel and Walter and Roger…go over old territory and see the animals, and the chickens and the dogs and the geese (though she hoped the farmer wouldn’t ask them to dig some potatoes while they were there). It was going to be lovely to see the Foulkes family again.
Finally, a sound like thunder, and a huge cloud of steam, announced the arrival of the train, and everyone stood back slightly, waiting for it to come to a hissing stop. Then, almost at once, the doors opened and all the passengers began getting off…and where was he? Where was Sam?
Alice peered around, waiting for him to materialize, and suddenly – there he was. Walking towards her with that easy, measured stride she knew so well. And Alice’s heart missed a beat. This man was hers – or soon going to be. Now he was close, looking down at her, and for a few seconds neither of them spoke. Then, in an instant, his arms were around her, pulling her into him, enveloping her, his face warm against her cold cheeks.
And for the second time, Alice felt that she was on a first date with a new lover.
What was it going to be like for them now, today? Was it going to be a comfortable, confident relationship, or a more wary one of not quite knowing what was in the other’s mind, of what was expected, or of exactly how to act? Although their feelings for each other were not a new thing, their newly established love certainly was! And in many ways there was still a lot to learn about each other. The pattern of their lives which lay ahead couldn’t possibly resemble anything that had gone before…this was going to be new territory. And that’s why she was feeling so excited – but also rather frightened. Their past was there, indelible, their future yet to come, unknowing, unknown, waiting to unfold… Was it going to turn out like a fairy tale where everything just fits neatly in place, or…
Sam had tucked her arm into his, and now they walked together towards the exit. And what do you say to a new lover, Alice wondered? Did you ask if the journey had been good, or if the heating had worked? This was so silly, she told herself…this is Sam! Just be yourself! Just say what you would have said if you’d been together last year, or the one before that! But the thing was, last year he’d been a friend, just a friend who didn’t realize how much Alice loved him, and she’d had no idea, no inkling, that he loved her. Not in that special way. The few hours they’d had together at the weekend had not been long enough to completely convince Alice that her wish had actually come true. For perhaps the first time in her life, Alice was unsure of how, or what to say.
She looked up at him, and realized that he must have been gazing at her all the time.
‘I love you,’ he said simply.
Of course! Why hadn’t she thought of that herself!
She leaned her head right into his shoulder. ‘Not as much as I love you,’ she murmured.
‘So this is where you’ve been hiding.’ Sam took off his coat and scarf and glanced around him.
‘Yes, for the last eighteen months,’ Alice said, taking his things and hanging them up with hers in the hall. ‘And I’ve been very lucky to have been given the use of this house. It belongs to the firm, of course, and is the perfect size for me – big enough, but still cosy. I’ve been able to have friends to stay because there are two spare bedrooms.’
In the bigger of the spare rooms she had made up the two single beds, making sure that both were well-aired, the covers freshly laundered and carefully ironed – well, she always made a point of doing that as a matter of course in case someone turned up unexpectedly and wanted to stay. But she’d made sure that the room Sam would be using was especially lovely – they’d not mentioned anything about him staying the night, but she’d noticed that he had an overnight bag with him, so he probably was, she’d thought.
He followed her into the sitting room, and went over to the fire which was crackling brightly over the coals. And now she came over, and he put his arms around her again. ‘I’ve got my own ideas about your engagement ring,’ he murmured, his lips close to her ear, ‘but I won’t say what they are until you tell me what you would like. It must be your choice.’
She looked up at him and smiled, and he lowered his head to close his mouth over hers. And Alice thought – if the world came to an end at this very moment, she would die happy. She would be happy for this to be the last thing which happened to her. Nothing else could ever come close.
Presently, after they’d had the coffee she’d prepared for them, they put on their coats and left the house. A weak sun filtered through the clouds as they strolled along the streets, glancing in at all the shops – especially the jewellers’ shops. And suddenly Sam said, ‘Let’s go in here. They seem to have a good display.’
Inside, the male assistant – who turned out to be the owner – was more than happy to bring every one of his rings out from the locked cabinets for them to examine. None was priced, Alice noticed, but they all looked extremely expensive to her as they gleamed and glittered against the black velvet on the display panels. Then, encouraged by the man, she began trying them on, one by one.
After a few minutes, Sam looked down at Alice. ‘I know the one I would like to see on your finger,’ he said softly, ‘but you choose, Alice. I’ll look the other way for a moment while you decide.’
Alice didn’t need any time at all to decide. It was a solitaire diamond, set in a gold and platinum ring. It was bold, yet delicate at the same time, and had been the first one which had caught her eye. And as it was slipped onto her finger, it felt exactly right.
Sam had moved aside slightly, looking at something else in another cabinet, and she nudged him, holding out her hand for him to see which one she had chosen.
And at once a broad grin spread over his features. ‘Snap,’ was all he said.
Now that the best sale he’d had for weeks was about to happen, the owner insisted on making sure that the ring fitted perfectly before he very carefully placed it into a small red velvet box, wrapped it up, and passed it to Sam – who put it into his pocket.
Then they left the shop, and resumed their stroll along the streets.
Alice snuggled into him. ‘Thank you, Sam – for such a beautiful engagement ring,’ she said softly. ‘I shall be so proud to wear it.’
‘And I shall be so proud that you have agreed to wear it,’ he said. ‘That you have agreed – that you are prepared – to link your life with mine, Alice.’
For quite a few minutes neither of them spoke, both wrapped up in the significance of the occasion – an occasion which would never come again. Then –
‘I’ve booked a table for dinner at the French restaurant at the top of the town,’ he said, looking down at her. ‘I hope that suits Madam… I’ve asked that we have a quiet corner all to ourselves,’ he added.
Alice smiled. Was she ever going to stop smiling! ‘That will be just perfect,’ she said. ‘I’ve glanced in at the place once or twice – but it’s rather posh, and very expensive! Far too expensive for me to have tried.’
‘But not too expensive for us,’ he replied, returning her smile. ‘I’ve booked it for 7 o’clock – and it’s already gone 5.30. So perhaps we should go back and smarten up a bit.’
Presently, upstairs in her bedroom, Alice decided to wear the simple dress she had worn at Gloria’s wedding. It had been one of Helena’s which she’d admired – and which Helena had insisted Alice should have. ‘It’s a very youthful style,’ she’d said, ‘and it will look so much nicer on you, Alice.’
Now, as Alice slipped it on, she knew at once that it was right for this very special evening…her very special evening. The pale grey cashmere with its gently flowing style seemed to have been made especially for her figure, the small purple wool flower on the shoulder exactly right as its only addition to its simplicity. Alice owned very little jewellery, but she did decide that perhaps her drop earrings with the small amethyst stone would look good. And what about her hair? Tonight she was going to leave it loose.
She undid the thick, coiled plait which she always dressed on top, then let her hair fall in long waves which reached down to her shoulders. Then she began to brush it out carefully.
After a few seconds she stopped what she was doing, and glanced at her reflection in the dressing table mirror. And remembered that other time she’d loosened her hair…had loosened it for that other man whom fate had decided should cross her path, if only for a few hours. Marvin. The American preparing for the D-Day landings. He had been so, so sad…
A lump rose in Alice’s throat, now, as she remembered the expression on his face when he’d gently run his fingers through her hair and looked down into her eyes. And told her that she was the double of his long-time girl, Patsy, whom he adored, and who, just before his unit was shipped out, had told him she had found someone else and that she no longer loved him. Even though they had been devoted to each other for a very long time.
As, presumably, had Max and his wife been before she left him for someone else, Alice thought instinctively.
She sat down on the edge of the bed for a moment. Was love really as frail as that, she asked herself. That temporary separation and loss of continuity could so easily fracture, ruin, what had once been thought so happy and secure? So unassailable? She shivered inwardly, then gave herself a good telling-off. It was different for her and Sam…nothing would, or could, ever shake their love…
She thought again about the American, her eyes misting. There had been no chance for him to try and save his relationship before embarkation, and as they’d slipped out of harbour his sense of helplessness must have been overwhelming.
And had he even made it safely back home, Alice wondered? Or had he been killed, or horribly wounded like so many of the allied soldiers had?
She brushed her hair more vigorously. The wretched war had such a lot to answer for…even now, for so many people the ripples were still spreading…still hurting…
When Alice went downstairs, Sam was already in the sitting room and he turned to look at her, his eyes softening.
‘You look adorable,’ he said simply.
She smiled briefly in response. His suit, as usual, was immaculate, and he had put on a clean white shirt and blue silk tie. He was obviously freshly shaved, and had shampooed his hair…those glorious locks, which had always set him apart, were shining like dark, polished copper. And Alice hugged herself again. Lady Luck was still shadowing her…
Presently, hand in hand, they strolled along the streets, glancing around them casually. It wasn’t quite dark, but all the street and shop lights were on as they made their way towards the restaurant. Sam looked down at her.
‘I know there are many months before our wedding,’ he began, ‘but for a start, we should have some idea of how many guests we might want to invite.’
Alice paused before replying. Tonight was the night of her engagement. The wedding, and all the complicated details connected with it could surely wait. She looked up at him, her eyes moist. ‘Let’s not talk about wedding plans tonight,’ she murmured. ‘Can I please get used to being engaged first?’
‘Of course, if you like,’ he said casually, ‘but we’ll soon need to think about the venue for the reception – and the number of guests we envisage.’
Alice smiled. ‘Well, as far as that’s concerned, my list is not going to be as long as yours,’ she said lightly.
He grinned down at her. ‘And mine won’t be as long as another couple’s I could mention,’ he said.
‘Who’s that?’ Alice said curiously.
‘Well, the royal couple’s,’ he said. ‘I’ve heard it on the grapevine – you hear most things in London, believe me – I’ve heard that Princess Elizabeth is to become engaged to Prince Philip of Greece. And that the nuptials are likely to take place in November in Westminster Abbey.’
Alice’s eyes shone. A royal wedding! How exciting!
But not as exciting as hers! As theirs!
‘And luckily for us,’ Sam went on, ‘we shan’t have to invite a lot of boring dignitaries to ours. Our guests will be our friends. People we like. We are going to enjoy our wedding.’
Alice looked away. As long as she could calm down about all the planning beforehand – and on the great day stop herself from tripping over her dress and falling flat on her face…
The restaurant was seductively lit, and exquisite – just full enough to be relaxed and congenial. Their table in the corner was beautifully laid, the white linen immaculate, the cutlery and glassware shining – reflecting the light from the flickering candle in the centre.
Presently, the waiter took their order, poured them each a glass of champagne from the bottle in the ice bucket, and departed.
And Sam leaned across and smiled at Alice with that deep, dark smile…that conspiratorial smile she’d encountered so often in the past. And even though she knew exactly what was coming – and what she was going to be given – Alice’s mouth went dry.
This was the MOMENT! The moment she had never dared to hope would happen. Then Sam reached into his pocket for the little box holding her ring, which he carefully withdrew, and after taking her hand he slipped it onto the third finger of her left hand and looked into her eyes.
‘Dearest, dearest Alice, will you marry me?’ he asked softly. ‘Are you sure that you really do want to marry me?’
The brief pause that followed could have been an hour long as Alice gazed back at him. Why was he asking her that, tonight of all nights? Had his intuitive mind detected the small doubts she might have? Not doubts about their love for each other, but her doubts as to whether she could follow in his mother’s footsteps and ever truly fit in as Mrs. Carmichael. And not just be Alice Watts masquerading in the role?
Alice set her lips in a determined line. This would not do.
‘Of course I want to marry you, Sam,’ she replied. ‘I have never wanted to marry anyone else in my life.’ She gazed down at her ring. It was sparkling, glistening, the diamond throwing out little shafts of coloured light.
And after a moment, they raised their glasses and Sam murmured –
‘To us.’
‘To us,’ Alice whispered.
Then they both sipped, and the ice-cold bubbles tingled on their tongues as they gazed at each other in a kind of wonderment.
They had both chosen the same for their meal – smoked salmon, followed by medium-rare steak, and as she ate, Alice realized that she was enjoying every single mouthful. That she was going to eat everything on her plate, that her appetite really had returned. Well, that was no surprise. The sadness, the depression she had experienced during the last few months had disappeared like magic…the magic associated with new-found happiness, new-found joy, new-found hope for her future. Tonight, any fragments of self-doubt were going to be pushed to the very back of her mind.
Conversation was light as they ate – well, what could possibly follow what had just taken place? And Alice thought – later, they’d sit in front of the fire at home and just talk and talk…perhaps she’d even be able to start talking about those plans. And they’d just enjoy each other in the light of their new relationship, and she’d open the bottle of expensive wine she’d bought at the off-licence. It would probably be very late before they made their way to their bedrooms, and in the morning she would cook them a real English breakfast…bacon and eggs and fried bread and little rings of black sausage…and they’d take their time, finishing with toast and marmalade and lots and lots of tea – or coffee – if that’s what Sam would like. She didn’t know which he’d prefer because, well, there were many things she didn’t really know about Sam…so many things – small and not so small – that she didn’t know about him…
Then, later, they’d wander through the streets and alleyways of the town together and Alice would explain about Judge Jeffreys and his ghostly howlings… Sam would have a good laugh about that.
Finally, they left the restaurant and began making their way back. Alice didn’t need Sam to tuck her hand into his arm…it was suddenly the most natural thing in the world for her to do that herself. He looked down at her, pulling her into him closely.
‘We’d better get a move on,’ he said, ‘because my train leaves in an hour.’
Alice looked up at him blankly. ‘Your train? Oh – I didn’t realize you were going back tonight,’ she said.
He looked puzzled for a second. ‘Didn’t I tell you? Oh sorry, Alice, I thought I had.’
‘No, you didn’t mention that,’ Alice said.
He shrugged. ‘Sorry,’ he said again. Then – ‘No, the thing is, a few of us have been given the opportunity to observe what’s to be a very long and complicated operation on Monday morning,’ he went on, ‘and it was suggested that for those of us who were available, we should attend a pre-op talk the day before – that’s tomorrow – at 11 am.’ He paused. ‘I knew it was something I shouldn’t turn down – I need all the expert guidance I can get – so I put my name down to be there in the morning.’
He looked away, hating himself for a moment, hating to obviously disappoint her. But he didn’t want to explain – how could he ever explain – the demon of endeavour that he constantly lived with, and which sometimes tormented him? That he must strive and go on striving to be worthy of all the money that had been spent on his education, that he must be worthy of the family tradition and expectations? Not that what he had decided to do in life was anyone else’s idea of course…it had been his, all along. It had been his own choice to follow the onerous path he was treading, and he was determined to prove himself worthy of the chance to heal, to give hope, and to succeed.
But how could he ever explain the sense of guilt he felt? The guilt that still sometimes kept him awake at night? The guilt about Toby? Toby, one of his closest friends, had been on the same medical course, but had joined up to defend his country as soon as war was declared. Shouldn’t he, Sam, too, have put duty before his ruthless ambition?
Sam took a long breath as his thoughts ran on. He was more than ever determined to be the best he could possibly be, was determined to get to the very top of his profession. He would never give up. And if it sometimes meant sacrifices for himself, and for Alice, so be it. He knew that she loved him enough. She had said so.
Now, as if reading his thoughts, Alice swallowed hard over her disappointment. ‘Of course, Sam – you should be there tomorrow,’ she said. ‘I quite understand.’
‘I know it will be a fascinating experience to see this op taking place,’ Sam went on, unable to hide the sudden enthusiasm in his voice, ‘ it’s to be on a very small child with a particularly difficult brain tumour – which I know I will find uncomfortable to watch. But the surgeon is a brilliant man…I must look, learn, and inwardly digest,’ he added.
They quickened their steps back to the house, Alice unable to stop feeling disappointed and rather miserable that Sam was going back tonight. Tonight of all nights. The night of their engagement. So much for their wine and cosy conversation later, and their bacon and eggs in the morning…her euphoria so soon replaced by an acute sense of loss.
And although she readily saw his situation – couldn’t he, just for this one, very special evening of their lives, waive his point of view? Couldn’t he have put her – well, them – first, and not gone to the pre-op talk in the morning? So they could have had most of tomorrow together?
Then Alice pulled herself up short. What was she doing, having these thoughts! Because she had sealed her own fate when Sam had proposed to her. Then, she herself, had assured him that any wife of his would be pleased and proud to support him, and his chosen way of life, his profession. And she had meant every word. And did mean every word!
Still…it would have been lovely to have had her fiancé all to herself. Not to share him with anybody else. Just for this one, very special weekend of her life…
Was that really too much to ask?
Chapter Four (#ulink_4bcf68ac-3d81-566e-a616-2de71dc29b42)
It was 3.30 the following Sunday. Alice had been met at Temple Meads by Fay, and Eve had come over to Bristol by bus. And as the three greeted each other exuberantly outside the Royal Hotel, one or two passers-by glanced at them quickly. Obviously some sort of celebration going on over there…
Fay glanced over her shoulder, giving a rather lop-sided victory V sign to one particularly interested observer. ‘’Ave I got something belongin’ to you, or are you just admirin’ me get-up?’ she called out, turning around with a swirl to give a better view of herself.
Eve caught hold of her, laughing. ‘Oh, Fay…you are awful!’ she exclaimed. ‘We can’t take you anywhere! Now you’ve embarrassed the poor chap!’
‘So what? He shouldn’t be staring at us like that,’ Fay said firmly. She glanced behind her again. ‘Still – he’s a good-looker, isn’t he? Perhaps he’d like to join us for tea – or join me later for something stronger!’ She put two fingers in her mouth and emitted a long shrill whistle. ‘Oy, you over there – I’ll be up the Mauretania later,’ she shouted suggestively.
The other two instinctively put their arms around Fay’s waist and escorted her into the entrance, and Alice said – ‘Fay Reynolds, you have not improved one bit since we last met! Remember how you were always teasing poor Roger like that? On our very first night you shouted down the stairs asking him to come and tuck us up! Remember?’ Alice shook her head. When you turned up at the farm, life was never going to be the same for him again!’
‘I certainly hope hot,’ Fay replied smartly. ‘He needed a kick up the pants, spending his whole life in solitary confinement down there.’ She grinned. ‘Anyway, he enjoyed a bit of a tease, didn’t he…’
‘And you were the one who always gave it to him, Fay,’ Eve said, sighing. ‘I always envied your cheek, how you always seemed able to get away with anything.’
Alice glanced at the other two fondly. Being with Fay and Evie again was like putting on a pair of lovely, comfy shoes…shoes that she knew wouldn’t suddenly expose underlying problems…
Inside, as they took their seats at the low, round table, there was a distinct air of excitement between them…well, they hadn’t been together for months, and Evie had such a lot to tell and had waited too long to get it off her chest – in person. Now there would be no stopping her!
And presently Alice would tell them her news. She had deliberately kept her gloves on to keep her secret for just a bit longer. Besides, the main reason they were here was to listen to Evie – who’d insisted that today’s occasion was to be her long-awaited treat for them all.
Fay, who was dressed in dark slacks and a bright red blouse the colour of her lipstick, her long hair dyed blonde, as usual, looked across at Eve and grinned. ‘Come on then, our Evie, spit it out,’ she said.
‘Well, I told you most of it on the phone,’ Eve said, ‘but the thing is, it’s still all going brilliantly – with Max and my parents, I mean. You remember I told you that they’d invited him to tea just after Christmas? Well, that’s become more or less a weekly occurrence – and I still can’t believe that it’s happened quite so easily – or so quickly. They’re beginning to treat him like one of the family!’
Eve paused for a moment, letting her words sink in. Then – ‘I only found out at Christmas time how they’d loved to have had more children,’ she said slowly, ‘so I was wrong, wasn’t I, in thinking that they’d resented having me…in fact, they said they were really sorry not to have given me a brother or a sister to grow up with.’
Alice dropped her gaze for a second as she listened to what Eve was saying. Yes, she thought, having a family, a family of your very own, always there to support you in every way must be wonderful. A family whose genes you shared, genes which bound you all together for ever. And however close she felt to Sam – and to his family – she could never really belong to them like a proper relative. It was just not possible. She bit her lip at her own thoughts. Sam still had his father, and four siblings…four! Just one or two would be enough for Alice. And he also had an uncle, and cousins…blood relatives, proper relatives…while she had only ever had her mother – and her father for a very short time. The uncles she’d heard about had been killed in the Great War, and she’d never met either of her grandparents because they had all died very young.
‘Anyway,’ Eve went on, ‘my father’s scones are getting better all the time – in fact we have Victoria sponges as well now. And of course my mother loves getting out her rosebud china tea service for each occasion.’
Both the others smiled at Eve’s exuberance – and thought how lovely she was looking. She was wearing a pretty, floral print dress and green jacket, her wonderful auburn curls framing a face which was alive with joy and excitement. Today was going to be a far happier event than the last time they’d been together, when Eve had been so certain that her parents would never accept their daughter having any sort of relationship with a divorcee.
‘And how is it between you and Max at work?’ Alice asked. ‘Do the rest of the staff know that you’re seeing each other – properly, I mean?’
‘Oh yes, they do now,’ Eve replied. ‘I think they’ve always known that we, well, like each other, but it must be obvious that we’re going out together. And I’m working four days a week now, so we see each other even more.’ She smiled at the others. ‘He’s teaching me the guitar – honestly, Max can play so many instruments! He puts me in the shade with my piano playing.’
‘No one will ever put you in the shade, Evie,’ Fay said firmly.
‘And as well as that, he’s going to tune our piano at home,’ Eve went on, ignoring Fay’s remark. ‘He does that as well, and he’s always out and about visiting clients – he’s promised my father that he’ll come over soon, and tune ours for us. And I can assure you that my parents are very, very fussy about who has anything to do with their precious instrument – which after all did feature so strongly in their professional music careers.’ Eve’s eyes clouded for a moment. ‘Of course, there’s still lots going on about Max’s divorce, but he should soon be free. Until then he’s living by himself at home in Newbridge – so I think he really likes coming to our house which he says he finds so cosy…and welcoming. Diana, his soon to be ex-wife, is already living with her new lover at his place in Combe Down.’ Eve sighed. ‘Poor Max,’ she said slowly, ‘he never deserved to be let down like that.’
Just then the waitress arrived with their tea – tiny sandwiches and iced cakes on tiered stands, together with a plate of scones, jam and cream. And as the girl placed the large silver tea pot and water jug down on the table, Alice, Fay and Eve exchanged glances. This might not exactly be the Ritz experience they’d had during the war, but it was near enough. And they were going to enjoy it.
The waitress departed, and Alice decided that this might be a good moment to share her news. She reached for the teapot.
‘I’ll pour,’ she said, slipping off her gloves.
But before she could begin to fill even half a cup, Fay nearly jumped off her chair.
‘Flippin’ ’eck, Alice,’ she exclaimed, leaning right across to stare at Alice’s hand. ‘What is that on your finger? And why the hell haven’t you spilt the beans before this?’
Now Eve joined in. ‘Alice…you’re engaged! When…how…I mean, I – we – had no idea! Is the wedding going to be soon?’
Alice glanced around quickly to see if anyone was listening. ‘Shhh,’ she said, ‘no need to tell the whole of Bristol, Evie.’ She lowered her voice. ‘I didn’t tell you because it’s all happened so quickly. I’ve only been engaged for a couple of weeks – and I’m still getting used to it.’ She went on filling their cups, her hands visibly shaking. Well, they always shook when she was excited. And Alice was certainly excited today to share her wonderful news with her two best friends.
For the next few moments, all thought of food was forgotten as the other two bent their heads over Alice’s ring, both murmuring their total admiration of the beautiful diamond. And today it seemed lovelier than ever in the discreet lighting of the tea room. Then Fay looked up at Alice, her face serious for a second.
‘And is this the man of your dreams, Alice?’ she said quietly. ‘The man who’s possessed your heart for most of your life?’ She didn’t mention those letters of his which she’d seen Alice reading, and which she knew Alice treasured above all else.
Alice nodded happily. ‘It is, Fay,’ she said. ‘It’s Sam. Sam Carmichael. And his proposal came as a complete surprise – or should I say shock! He’d asked me to go to their Clifton house where he was staying temporarily, to discuss something he needed an answer to. And it turned out he wanted to ask me to marry him! But he wasn’t sure that any woman could bear to be a surgeon’s wife – with all the pressures, the long hours, and absences when he wouldn’t be there.’ Alice leaned forward. ‘The funny thing is – I thought he was talking about Millicent – his cousin – you know, the woman we saw him with at The Ritz? But he wasn’t talking about her – he said she’d never been anything to him but his cousin, and that he has always loved me. Me!’ Alice shook her head slowly. ‘I still can’t believe it,’ she added.
‘Well blow me down,’ Fay said. ‘Why on earth didn’t the silly blighter come out with it sooner and save you all the heartache? Honestly, men! Still,’ she looked at Alice, thinking how beautiful the girl looked in that rather nice grey cashmere dress. She’d swept up her hair, as usual, Fay noted, but it was more casual today, with several dainty fronds left loose to follow the contours of her face. Alice had never done her hair like that before, and it suited her.
‘Anyway, better late than never I suppose,’ Fay went on, ‘and if you ask me, he’s a lucky beggar to be marrying you, Alice, whoever he is.’ She paused to drink from her cup. ‘So – when are we going to get a look at this Adonis may I enquire? And when’s the happy day? Not too soon, I hope,’ she added, ‘because I’ve chipped a nail and it won’t look good for several weeks.’
For a while after that they began to really enjoy their tea, and presently, when all the sandwiches had been eaten and they’d begun to tuck into the cakes, Alice said –
‘The wedding’s not until December, so you’ll have plenty of time for your nail to grow, Fay, but…’ she paused for a moment, ‘but to be perfectly honest, the thought of everything that’s ahead of me, all the planning and arranging, is already giving me nightmares.’ Alice paused before drinking from her cup. Should she share anything else with the others…the stupid anxieties that had begun to creep in? Like whether she could really be the wife Sam might expect, or whether she was ever going to fit in as a Carmichael? Deciding against confiding in them, Alice went on – ‘I mean – how soon should I give in my notice – don’t forget that when I leave, I’ll lose my home as well as my job…and where shall I get my dress – if there are any worth looking at in the shops – and will I have enough coupons and enough money to pay for my share of things?’ She shivered. ‘I’m feeling panicky already and there are still nine months to go.’
‘Oh for Gawd’s sake, Alice, don’t be so wet!’ Fay said crossly. ‘Me and Evie’ll help you sort out all your problems. So stop going on – and pass me one of those iced things.’
Alice decided to change the subject. Passing the cakes over to Fay, she said, ‘How are your mother, and your grandmother, Fay? Are they still living together in Brislington?
‘Yep – thankfully, ‘Fay said, ‘in fact, my mother recovered from my father’s death very quickly – and seems happier than I’ve ever seen her. But of course, that’s thanks to my gran,’ she went on, ‘because she’s encouraged my mum to join the local church with her where there’s a little club for older people, and they have whist drives and the occasional tea party…and twice last year they all went on a charabanc outing to Weston and Cheddar…they really enjoyed that.’
Fay looked pensive for a moment. Then, ‘Yes, my mum seems to have come right out of herself…more alive to what’s going on. And I’m so thankful to see her happy. Because that makes me happy, too,’ she added.
Alice kept her eyes on her plate. There it was again, loud and clear. Family. People to care about, and who care about you. She didn’t know whether Fay had any other relatives but she still had her mother and grandmother. And Eve had both her parents, still there and going strong by all accounts. While she, Alice, had absolutely no one left at all. She suddenly felt very alone, and it frightened her…but how silly was that? Because she’d been “alone” for many years, hadn’t she? But she couldn’t help it. Even though her longed-for wish had come true, she was frightened at the thought of all that went with becoming Sam’s wife, and it was making her feel like a very small boat being tossed about in a vast sea of uncertainty.
Annoyed, Alice gritted her teeth. This introspection had to stop. She reached over to re-fill Eve’s cup, and glanced across at Fay.
‘We haven’t heard all about your driving lessons yet, Fay,’ Alice said.
Fay grinned. ‘Well, they were a bit of a laugh, really,’ she said, ‘because of course we had very little petrol. Miss Downs’s ration didn’t go that far, so a lot of stuff I learned off-road, on her drive! There was just enough room to practise the three-point-turns, and her house is on a bit of a slope so we didn’t have to go far to do the hill-starts. Anyway, Miss Downs said I was a natural.’ Fay smirked. ‘The last bit of advice she gave me was not to get fresh with the examiner on the day. As if I would! So there you have it – driving’s a piece of cake – and you two should learn, as well,’ she added. ‘It’s as important for a woman to be able to drive as it is for any man to do it – after all, a lot of the trucks and ambulances during the war were driven by women – and more and more of us will have our own cars one day, you’ll see. There’ll be as many women behind the wheel as men in the future – and it won’t be long coming, either.’
The others nodded, Eve slightly anxious at the thought of being in charge of anything that had an engine, and Fay went on, ‘See, one of the reasons I wanted to have a car was to that I could take my mum and my gran out sometimes…out in the country. My gran used to live near Chew Magna when she was a child, and she’s going to love being taken around her old haunts.’ Fay paused. ‘I love my gran…she’s been so good to me,’ she added.
‘And have you joined the Young Conservatives, yet, Fay? Eve asked, stirring sugar into her cup, and Fay nodded.
‘Yeah – I’ve been to a few meetings. They’re usually held in the Gaiety Ballroom.’ She shrugged. ‘I usually sit at the back somewhere and watch what’s going on – and I can tell you, nothing much does! Whoever stands up to talk they take about five minutes to say something that could have been said in five seconds, and you’d never believe how long the discussion took about a new road sign that the Council have put up at the end of Broad Walk! The nattering went on for ever! And last time, there was the hot topic of the tennis courts being opened at different hours… all talk for the sake of talk. Anyway,’ Fay shrugged, ‘to be honest. I don’t know if I can be bothered with all that blathering.’ She grinned. ‘It might be different if I could get straight to No.10 Downing Street and make sure that women were paid the same as men for doing the same job!’
‘Oh,’ Eve said, slightly disappointed. She’d have thought Fay could have been a useful person in politics. Then – ‘And what about your job at the Council House?’
Fay shrugged. ‘It’s OK,’ she said doubtfully. ‘But I don’t think it’s for me in the long term. I used to have more fun at Woolworths! Still,’ she helped herself to another iced sponge, ‘I don’t know what really is for me, Evie,’ she said flatly. ‘Never satisfied, that’s me. I’ve told you – I’m the restless type. Perhaps it’ll have to be London, one day, after all.’
Presently, with almost all the food eaten and the last of the tea squeezed from the pot, Eve said –
‘Won’t it be lovely to see the Foulkeses again? We haven’t been back at all, have we? It’s ages since we saw them. Dear Mrs. Foulkes! What shall we give her for her birthday?’
The others had already thought about this. ‘Well,’ Fay said, ‘I tracked down some more of that Coty perfume we gave her when we left – d’you remember how thrilled she was to have it? I’m sure she’ll have used all that up by now…this other one’s different, but just as nice. Shall we give her that?’
Alice and Eve agreed at once, and Alice said, ‘There are lovely little shops in Dorchester and the other day I spotted a really pretty china dish with a lid…you could use it for almost anything, but I thought it could hold bath salts…or peppermints…or even to save some coppers in…anything really. It would look nice on Mabel’s dressing table – if she has one. We never saw their part of the farmhouse, did we? But we’ve given her pretty things in the past and she was always pleased to have them, wasn’t she?’
They went on discussing anything else they might take, ending with sharing one or two of their clothes coupons to buy Mabel a patterned, wrap-around apron which had a frill around the hem and pocket, which Alice had seen in one of the shops.
Just then, the waitress returned to enquire whether they’d like more tea, and Fay immediately answered for all of them.
‘Yes please,’ she said. ‘And just three more of the iced fingers?’
It was 6 o’clock before they finished their tea and they were the last ones in the dining room. But Fay was in no hurry to leave just yet. There were things she wanted to know more about. She leaned towards Alice, her elbows on the table.
‘So – when are you going to see lover boy again?’ she enquired bluntly. ‘And where will you be living – after you’re married, I mean?’
‘Oh well…’ Alice realized that she hadn’t thought about Sam for at least half an hour. ‘Sam’s medical training is mostly in London,’ she said, ‘but he does come back to Bristol, to the Infirmary from time to time, on a sort of lease-lend, I suppose. That’s where his father is the big cheese.’ She sighed. ‘But Sam’s training is going to go on for ever by the sound of it – he hopes to become a paediatric brain surgeon eventually.’
Fay whistled through her teeth. ‘Blimey,’ she said.
‘How wonderful!’ Eve exclaimed.
‘So where will you be, while he’s training?’ Fay persisted.
‘I don’t really know yet,’ Alice admitted. ‘Somewhere in London, I expect – everything’s up in the air at the moment. But of course the big Clifton house – the Carmichaels’ family home – will always be available for us if we want it.’ She paused. ‘Professor Carmichael lives there, obviously, and Sam has four siblings – two sets of twins…I think I told you once that I was their nanny at one time. They’re all away somewhere at the moment, but it will always be their home too, I imagine.’
‘That could be awkward in the future,’ Fay said at once. ‘Having the in-laws under your feet all the time.’
‘Yes – but when are you seeing Sam again?’ Eve said impatiently. She was intrigued to know more about the handsome man with the brilliant brain. ‘You should be together now, today, shouldn’t you?’
Alice nodded. ‘He did say that he had some time off and could come and see me this weekend, but when I said I was meeting you two today, he wouldn’t hear of me changing my plans.’ Alice looked away for a second. In fact, she thought, Sam had seemed quite relieved – almost too relieved – that he wouldn’t be seeing her, because afterwards he’d mentioned yet another lecture he really should attend.
‘Oh well then, he sounds a very considerate sort of bloke to me,’ Fay said. ‘Unusual in a man. Well, in most of the men I’ve ever known.’
Alice smiled a quick smile. Yes, Sam was considerate…always had been, to everyone. But still…what she would really have liked was for him to beg her to change her arrangements with Fay and Eve so that they could be together this weekend. Surely he should have insisted on it!
The waitress hovered near them anxiously – she had the tables to lay up for evening dinner – would these three, who hadn’t stopped talking all the afternoon – ever leave the place?
Eventually they did, each of them fighting to pay the bill, but this was Evie’s treat, and presently they left the building and went out into the street, arm in arm.
‘Thank you so much for that, Evie,’ Alice said, ‘and thanks for arranging it. It’s been so good for us to be together again…and your news is just wonderful. I’m so pleased for you…for you and Max,’ she added.
‘And we’re thrilled for you and…Sam…aren’t we, Fay?’ Eve said.
‘Course we are!’ Fay said at once.
‘So when are you going to produce some special beau for us to admire, Fay?’ Eve said.
Fay snorted. ‘That’s hardly likely to happen,’ she announced firmly. ‘I prefer the fancy-free and fun life, me.’
Later, Alice took her place in the corner of an empty carriage of the train and gazed out of the window, going over and over everything that had been said that afternoon. She smiled as she thought about it all. Evie was on top of the world, no doubt about that. And Fay, too, seemed unusually contented with her lot…content about her mother and grandmother. After all, happiness comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes, and for all sorts of reasons…
Alice was pensive for a moment, thinking what Fay had said about those meetings she’d attended. It did seem that local politics was not for her, after all, and in a way Alice wasn’t surprised. The dissatisfaction and antagonism which Fay had often demonstrated about so many things were probably much more to do with her past, her underlying personal problems, rather than anything to do with putting the world to rights. So perhaps she needed to put herself right first, Alice thought. Besides, Fay was too impatient, too ready to fly off the handle. Not the sort for reasoned, restrained discussion.
And now, thinking of her own situation, Alice couldn’t deny that sense of loss. Her sense of despondency. What on earth was going on? How could you change from being completely overwhelmed with joy one minute, to feeling…well…flat and unsure of yourself the next? It didn’t make any sense. Surely it wasn’t to do with Sam being so ready not to see her this weekend? Surely she wasn’t that stupid and self-centred?
She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, her heart-beat seeming to keep time with the chuff chuff chuffing of the engine as they trundled towards Dorchester. And she decided to be honest with herself.
The fact was, she was scared – not only about the wedding day itself and all the planning there was to do, but actually frightened of the road ahead… of what it held – and of whether she could cope with a completely new, and rather important style of life as Sam’s wife. Because one day – presumably – she would become the next Mrs. Carmichael of Clifton. One day she would be taking Helena’s place as head of their household. Could Alice ever measure up to the example Helena had set? Did she have it in her to do everything that wonderful woman had done in her lifetime…her charity work, her unswerving support for her husband, her devotion to her children and her employees, her compassion for the poor? Would everyone love and respect her, Alice, as they had loved and respected Helena Carmichael?
Alice shifted in her seat, trying to change the pattern of her thoughts. And failing miserably – because – there was another thing…once she was Sam’s wife, what would she do with herself while he was working all day and perhaps half the night? Alice had never known what it was to be idle…to Alice, and her mother before her, work was life and life was work. Should she get a job? There’d be no shortage of opportunities anywhere, because good clerical staff was always at a premium, she knew that. But what if Sam didn’t want her to work after they were married? What if he would always expect her to be home whenever he came off duty? But that would mean hours and hours of twiddling her thumbs – which would drive her mad…
Alice clasped and unclasped her bag, giving her hands something to do as she thought about it all. She really must talk to Sam about this, sooner rather than later. And tell him – let him be aware – that she was not just little Alice, the ex-employee he’d fallen in love with, and who he wanted by his side at all times. After all, she had gained her independence a long time ago, she’d survived the war, which had had its effect on her – and on so many others – in unexpected ways. She had learned how to do so many things working on a farm, had met new friends, had had new experiences, had been in charge of a prestigious estate agency, had had her life opened up…in fact, she realized, she had learned what she was capable of. Everything was different now. She was different.
Then something else crossed her mind as she leaned forward and peered into the gloom of the evening. What about that novel? Her novel? The novel she’d promised her mother she’d write one day? Perhaps fate – or Lady Luck – was going to give her the chance to have some time to actually complete it at last…if it was what she really wanted to do.
Alice had always been an avid reader, and a furious scribbler – which, so, far, had resulted in having had just one short story accepted for a woman’s magazine before the war. She cringed as she thought about that letter she’d sent to the fiction editor of a small publishing house in Bristol, asking that he should publish a short story she was submitting for his kind attention. As if! She had been just ten years old, and had been convinced that she was to see her words in print – straightaway with no delay! But his reply had been so kind, making suggestions on how she could improve her writing, and urging her not to give up on her dream of becoming a famous writer. Alice remembered how she had told them that one day she hoped to join the ranks of Jane Austen, or one of the Brontës. How they must have laughed at that. The innocence, the naïve self-assurance of childhood…
By now, all Alice could see in the darkness was the vague reflection of herself in the window pane as she stared out at nothing. Perhaps, next year, or the year after, she might really have the time to pursue her ambition…but before she could even begin to think along those lines there was all this other stuff ahead of her. All the hurdles and jumps ahead before she became Sam’s wife…
She shuddered as she thought, again, about the wedding day. It was supposed to be the day every girl looked forward to, wasn’t it? But she was already dreading it! She bit her lip. Everything would have been all right if her darling Papa had been here to give her away – and Oh golly, help! Who was going to give her away? She’d only just thought of that! And straight off – there was no one. No one she could think of who might be suitable or appropriate for that particular post…no one at all.
By now, Alice was almost wringing her hands at all her contemplation. But…if only she’d seen Sam this weekend…a few hours yesterday would have been enough, because when she was with him she felt so secure, so confident, so at ease with herself and everything around her.
They were coming into the station now, and Alice stood up, sliding the compartment door open and going into the corridor. There was little to see outside, just a few rather dreary lights piercing the gloom. But soon she would be home, with time to relax and put all her worries to the back of her mind for a while. And she was looking forward to work tomorrow…work was uncomplicated, usually straightforward, nothing emotional going on there.
The train pulled in and came to a stop, and as she alighted, Alice thought that perhaps, after all, it was good that she and Sam couldn’t see so much of each other all the time, like other engaged couples usually do. Life was giving her plenty of space – which was probably what she needed after all.
Alice felt listless when she woke the following morning, despite having had a reasonably good night’s sleep – though not before she’d tossed and turned, thinking about her future – a future that seemed to have taken on ridiculous proportions.
Presently, in the kitchen making her tea and toast, she heard the postman at the door, heard the brief plop of a letter falling on the mat. And at once she went out into the hall to see who had written to her. Picking up the envelope, a warm rush of pleasure ran right through her.
Sam had written to her. It was Sam’s writing on the envelope.
My own dearest darling Alice
I’ve been feeling really miserable the last couple of days. Isn’t that strange – when really I am on top of the world. But it has been hard to concentrate on anything. And I know why. It’s because I haven’t seen you for over a week, and it’s going to be another whole one before we are together again. I don’t know if I can wait that long. I shouldn’t have to wait that long.
Ever since I put that ring on your finger, all I want is just to be with you…to be close to you. When I am supposed to be thinking of work, all I am doing is thinking about you, thinking of your lovely face and of the funny things you say that make me smile. I am so, so, so lucky that you really have agreed to be mine, Alice. I still can’t quite believe it.
We’ll be together next weekend, won’t we, and it cannot come quickly enough for me. But instead of me coming to Dorchester, will you come to Clifton instead? We could go for a long walk on the Downs again, like we used to, and just talk and talk and make each other laugh, and of course start thinking about our immediate future. We do have certain things to discuss!
Let me know if you agree, and I will tell Betty we’re coming home – you know how much pleasure it gives her to indulge us with her spectacular cooking.
Until Saturday, my sweetest Alice – all my love –
Sam
Chapter Five (#ulink_7c2a7c14-3ef6-5f7e-ab83-e83d26539b23)
He was waiting for her at Temple Meads as they pulled in. Alice saw him standing there on the platform as she looked out of the window, his familiar figure, the turn of his handsome profile as he watched each carriage pass him by making her giddy with anticipation.
They were going to be together for almost a whole weekend! The rest of today, and all day tomorrow – and although some of that time would have to be spent talking about their plans for the wedding – she knew that every hour would be full of pleasure. Just to be near him would see to that – and the love letter Sam had sent her on Sunday had made her walk on air afterwards, and for the rest of the week.
Now the doors opened and everyone tumbled out – and she was in his arms, which he wrapped around her, his mouth reaching for hers in such a natural way that she didn’t have time to feel embarrassed that others might be looking. And who cared, anyway? Alice had no cares, not when she was with Sam.
Finally, he released her, taking her overnight bag, then they walked towards the exit. He looked down at her and kissed the top of her head. ‘Sorry,’ he murmured. ‘Two whole weeks without seeing you have been unbearable. I’m making up for lost time.’
Alice snuggled into him. ‘Don’t mind me,’ she whispered.
He drove them back to Clifton with strangely little conversation going on – well, there was so much to say that it was difficult to know where to begin.
Alice glanced across at him. He seemed a bit withdrawn today – she’d thought so the moment they’d begun walking towards the car park. It wasn’t what he’d said, or what he hadn’t said, it was an air of moodiness, of something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Because Sam was never moody – well, she had never seen him in a mood and it wasn’t something you’d latch on to in a letter – but there was a sort of darkness in his manner which she hadn’t encountered before. She cleared her throat.
‘Are you feeling OK, Sam?’ she said quietly. Perhaps he had toothache or something…?
He smiled briefly but didn’t look at her as they drove on. ‘Perfectly OK, thanks,’ he said, ‘just a bit tired, that’s all…it’s been difficult this week at the hospital.’
‘Difficult days and being tired are fairly regular problems for you, I should think,’ Alice said, wanting him to expand…wanting him to tell her what was bothering him – because she knew that something definitely was. Sam seemed far away from her…almost aloof…and this was so unlike him. He was always so open, so honest…especially with her. ‘Tell me what’s been going on – in the operating theatre this week,’ she said cajolingly.‘You know how much I like to hear what you do all day.’
‘Oh – I don’t want to talk about any of it,’ he said at once, ‘not now… This is the weekend when I hope we shall be thinking about more pleasant things.’
Alice sat back in her seat and looked out of the window. She was right. There was something bothering him and he didn’t want to tell her about it. Then she almost froze inside. Surely it wasn’t something to do with her – and him? Even after his last lovely letter to her? What had happened to make him almost cut her off just then…something he never did?
She glanced across at him overtly. Perhaps this is what married life is going to be, she thought. Trying to read each other’s feelings, to interpret sudden changes of mood. To understand what was going on in the mind of the other, to know when to stop intruding, when to stop questioning.And not to keep on demanding explanations.
Alice sighed inwardly, feeling her spirits droop slightly. Being with someone, properly, consistently, was going to be vastly different from merely receiving his letters…
Apart from his somewhat polite enquiries about work, they barely spoke again before arriving at Clifton, but as soon as they set foot in the house and went into the kitchen, Betty rushed forward all smiles, and everyone began talking at once, with Betty exclaiming over and over again at how well Alice was looking, and at how lovely her engagement ring was.
‘Now, that ring might have been made especially for you, Alice,’ Betty said. ‘It sits so nicely, doesn’t it…and doesn’t it sparkle!’
‘Yes, it certainly does that, Betty,’ Alice said. ‘I’m…very lucky,’ she added.
‘Not as lucky as I am,’ Sam said, slipping his arm around her waist and looking down at her with such an expression in his eyes that Alice’s recent fears vanished. She could be so stupid sometimes…imagining troubles that weren’t there…
Presently, Betty said, ‘Now then, I’ve got you a light lunch as it’s rather late, but,’ she paused, ‘there’s something a bit special for dinner tonight.’ A broad smile spread across her generous features. ‘The professor will be here, and there might be one or two other guests as well,’ she added, clearly nursing a secret.
Sam looked at Betty, frowning briefly. He was clearly puzzled at that. ‘Oh…really, Betty?’
‘Yes, well – your brothers and sisters are all hoping to be with us – the professor told them that Alice was coming home for the weekend and that it was time they put in an appearance. And I said it didn’t matter to me who turned up – there’d be enough food for everyone.’ She folded her arms, looking up at Sam and Alice fondly. ‘Won’t it be lovely all to be…all to be together again…’ Betty’s voice trailed off. They would never “all” be together again, not with Madam, Helena, no longer there. Sam cut in.
‘I haven’t seen any of the twins since the memorial service,’ he said, trying not to feel disappointed that there was going to be a houseful, when what he’d hoped for – and expected – was a quiet weekend just for him and Alice. They had so much to discuss. As Betty turned away to put some dishes on the table he glanced down at Alice and mouthed – ‘sorry’.
She shook her head quickly. ‘It’s fine,’ she whispered. ‘I’m looking forward to seeing them all again,’ she said, raising her voice and going across to sit down. ‘This looks lovely, Betty, and I’m hungry.’ Well, breakfast was a long time ago, and they’d had a busy morning in the office, hardly stopping for coffee.
‘I remember how you always liked my baked gammon in cider,’ Betty said happily, ‘and there’s these nice new potatoes and some salad. Just enough to keep you going until later, so eat up, both of you.’
Sam sat down as well, and they both did as they were told, the succulent and tender gammon almost melting on their tongues.
Later, they put on their coats and made their way across the road and over towards the Downs. It was a fine, and rather chilly late afternoon with few people about, and Sam tucked Alice’s arm into his as they strolled across the familiar territory. She put her head back and took a long, deep breath, still hardly daring to believe that she was walking here with the love of her life, that her dreams had all come true.
‘It is such a long time ago that we did this, Sam,’ she murmured. ‘It used to be when you came home on holiday from boarding school, wasn’t it, and you’d tell me everything that had been going on… I used to love listening to you explain everything that you were having to learn…it helped me to learn things as well,’ she added. ‘Your life sounded so exciting, so demanding… and so clever. Though I didn’t envy you the food they gave you to eat. By the sound of it, it was hardly comparable to Betty’s, was it!’
‘Most of it was vile,’ Sam said cheerfully, ‘or we all thought so at the time. But – I don’t suppose it was, really. You know how fussy kids can be.’ He looked down at her, pulling her in more closely to him. ‘All the time I was there, do you know the thing I looked forward to most? Having one of your letters – no, honestly, I mean it. Having letters when you’re away from home helps to keep you going, and yours certainly helped to keep me going, Alice. As soon as I saw your writing on the envelope I couldn’t wait to rush upstairs and read your letter in private. And it always made me smile because you had such a funny way of saying things.’
‘And I loved having yours,’ Alice said. ‘I used to just soak up everything you said, everything you wrote. I remember wishing that I could dress up as a boy and come to your school too!’
He nodded. ‘You were certainly like a sponge, Alice…you always took in everything I told you, and I was constantly surprised at how you never forgot any of it. You were so anxious to learn, to be informed.’ He glanced down at her. ‘It was one of the many things I liked…admired…about you,’ he added.
Alice didn’t return his gaze, feeling slightly embarrassed. She hadn’t realized that Sam had ever admired her…not in that way. They’d always liked each other, that was obvious, but any admiration had been one way, or so she’d thought.
After a while they stopped walking, and stood to lean over the wall and look across at the suspension bridge: the scene, from a slightly different angle, which Alice had stared at from her bedroom window, all those years ago. And for a few seconds, she wished with all her heart that she could stop the clock. This really was like the old times, when she’d felt so relaxed, so happy, so confident, just being with Samuel Carmichael. But…wait…these new times were even more wonderful! Because the person she had always truly loved, had told her that he truly loved her! What could possibly spoil her peace of mind?
She frowned briefly. When you asked that sort of question, you were likely to provoke an answer you weren’t expecting. Because who could guarantee a permanent peace of mind – especially in a relationship? Things change, people change and – although her love for Sam would never change – she had acquired another, a different, side to her own personality that she hadn’t expected. Perhaps Fay’s influence was to blame, but Alice liked the feeling that she could stand on her own feet, could make her way in the world that need not involve staying at home all day just cooking and keeping house like most women had always expected was their lot. Since the war things were different…
Presently, Sam broke the silence – they’d hardly spoken for several minutes – ‘I had no idea that we were to be honoured by having the company of my brothers and sisters tonight,’ he said. ‘I only got back to Bristol myself this morning, and I haven’t seen my father yet today. But he clearly thought that my siblings should be here to congratulate me on my matrimonial choice…and to see you again, Alice. One good thing, there’ll hardly be any need for formal introductions,’ he added.
‘It will be lovely to see them all again,’ Alice said, remembering that the only recent times they had been together had been at Helena’s death bed, and at her December funeral and later memorial service.
Sam cut in on her thoughts. ‘I’m sure that the girls will be longing to ask you all the details about the wedding,’ he said. ‘I believe that women enjoy that sort of thing. And you, of all people, know what Rose and Margaret are like. They’ll be bombarding you with questions so have your answers ready!’
Alice shrank at the words. For a couple of hours she’d completely forgotten about the wedding and everything that went with it. She had been dwelling on the gentle past, and what she’d begun to view as the somewhat confused future… She cleared her throat.
‘Oh, I shall have some questions of my own to ask them,’ she said. ‘They are not very good at keeping in touch – and I’d like to know what they’re up to at the moment.’
‘Hmm, I think my father would like to know that as well,’ Sam said. ‘At twenty-two years old, with university behind them, they should have at least some idea of what they want to do. They were abroad with friends for part of last year, I do know that,’ he added.
Presently, as they began strolling back – ‘Tell me about your afternoon with your friends…Fay and Eve,’ Sam said. ‘Did you have a good time?’
Alice’s heart lifted at the words. ‘It was lovely,’ she said, ‘we always have such a fun time when we’re together. Fay is, well Fay is a rugged individual, shall we say, while Eve is the complete opposite. But our Evie had some wonderful things to tell us because her parents have come around to accepting her boyfriend – which she didn’t think would ever happen.’
‘Why not?’ Sam asked curiously.
‘Because he, Max, is a divorcee – or soon going to be,’ Alice said. ‘They don’t agree with divorce, you see.’
Sam shrugged briefly. ‘Well, it’s not the most desirable thing, I suppose,’ he said, ‘but if it happens, it happens. Life can be unpredictable.’
His remark didn’t surprise Alice. Sam was wise…a worldly-wise man. ‘And as for Fay – her news is that she’s learned to drive and bought herself a car,’ Alice went on. ‘She was quite excited about that, especially as it means she’s going to be able to take her mother and grandmother out for a little trip sometimes.’ Alice paused briefly. ‘She is very, very fond of them both,’ she added, ‘and actually lived with her grandmother for some years, because she and her father apparently never got on when she was at home.’ Alice looked up at Sam. ‘I cannot imagine not wanting to live with my parents, can you, Sam? When you were young? She was always going on about her father – said she hated him, and was always really rude about him which made us laugh, but which I thought was a shame…’ Alice didn’t go on. She’d had her own darling Papa for so few years of her life– he had died when she’d been ten years old – the thought of not wanting to live with him, not wanting to see him, seemed wicked and wrong.
‘Well, of course boarding school certainly causes some separation,’ Sam pointed out, ‘but the holidays soon come around, and knowing that my parents, the family, were all still there at home meant everything to me. And no, I can’t imagine not loving them.’ Then, after a moment – ‘I would really like to meet your friends,’ he said, ‘Fay and Evie…perhaps you could try and arrange something and I’ll do my best to fit in?’
Alice nodded. She couldn’t wait to introduce Sam to her two best friends. ‘As a matter of fact, we’re all going to be together next weekend,’ she said, glancing up at him, ‘because we’ve been asked to a party at the farm…it’ll be the first time we’ve been there since we were demobbed…but it’s Mrs. Foulkes’ birthday on Saturday and Roger – that’s their son – wants us to be there as a surprise.’ Alice smiled. ‘And of course Fay is going to drive us in her car… I hope we don’t get lost!’
‘Well, I’d certainly like to meet Fay and Eve before the wedding,’ Sam said, ‘and we must discuss the guest list soon, so that we can start thinking about reception venues.’
Alice glanced away briefly. If she was honest, what she would really like was for her wedding to Sam to be a quiet event, perhaps in a small country church somewhere, where no one knew them, and where it wouldn’t matter what her dress looked like. And if, God help her, she later turned out not to be the best wife for Samuel Carmichael after all, a quiet, simple wedding would barely be remembered for tongues to wag and gossip about afterwards…unlike a splashy, St. Mary Redcliffe affair.
Alice almost choked on those dreadful thoughts. Her wedding was months away, and here she was imagining the worst possible scenario even before it had happened! But she knew that part of this she could put down to reading constant news reportage of the current divorce rate, which had soared to unbelievable heights since the end of the war. The country’s freedom seemed to have given its people the desire to be free from all other restraints, the desire to look for other partners, unashamedly betraying their vows. It seemed that Holy Matrimony was no longer the thing it used to be – so what if that happened to her, and Sam discovered that she was not, after all, the one for him? What if they had set too much store on the past, on their letters to each other? Could she ever be, would she ever really, really feel herself Mrs. Carmichael of Clifton?
Rather than Miss Alice Watts of the second floor?
Despite all her underlying anxieties, Alice couldn’t stop herself enjoying her surroundings later as she sat beside Sam in the dining room. As usual, Edward Carmichael was at the head of the table, ready to carve the roasted ducklings which Betty had just brought in from the kitchen, and with all four of the twins there too, laughing and talking and teasing each other, there was a tangible party atmosphere. Although none of the twins was identical, their likenesses were undeniable. The boys had dark, almost jet-black hair like the professor’s, and both were tall and well-built, while Rose and Margaret were quite short and dainty, their fair hair falling in long natural waves, their permanently pleasant expressions so reminiscent of Helena’s.
Margaret looked across the table at Alice. ‘So, are there going to be hundreds of guests at this wedding of the century?’ she said. ‘I imagine that you have masses of friends you’ll want to invite, Alice.’
Alice shook her head quickly. ‘Not masses, no,’ she said, counting quickly in her head. ‘No more than…twenty, or so…I should think.’ (Could she even manage to think of twenty?)
‘Oh well, Sam will make up for that, no doubt,’ Margaret said. ‘Still, we might as well make it a good one while we’re about it. And think of the presents you’ll be given!’ She sat back in her chair and folded her arms. ‘And I suppose you’ll be asking us to be your bridesmaids? Well, if so, all I ask is that my dress is not pink and frilly. I don’t care what colour you choose as long as it’s not pink. Or frilly.’
Alice tried to look unsurprised at the remark – but she honestly hadn’t thought about who she might ask to be her bridesmaids…though of course, apart from Fay and Evie, it would be natural to ask Sam’s sisters, especially as Alice had been their nanny. She picked up her glass of wine and took a sip. ‘Of course I would love you to be my bridesmaids,’ she said firmly, as if there had never been any doubt, ‘and don’t worry – I won’t expect you to wear anything pink, Margaret.’ Margaret had always been the tomboy of the family.
‘I quite like pink,’ Rose said.
‘It doesn’t really matter what either of you like,’ the professor said, looking at them quizzically, ‘or indeed who she would like to be her bridesmaids, because from what I am led to believe, things like that are entirely the wishes of the bride. So’ – he frowned at his daughters sternly – ‘do not attempt to bully Alice into anything she does not want. This is her wedding, not yours.’
Well, Alice thought, that’s one thing settled. I’m having at least two bridesmaids I hadn’t even thought about, and they won’t be wearing pink.
The professor glanced over at Alice, clearing his throat. ‘Sam and I have had one or two words regarding the reception, Alice,’ he said, ‘and we were wondering if you would like us to arrange that part of things? I know one or two venues which might be suitable – and as you’re no longer living locally, it might be rather a burden for you to be thinking about that yourself.’
Alice nodded, relieved. ‘Oh yes…thank you, Professor,’ she said. ‘I would be so grateful if you’d make that decision for me.’ She looked away for a moment. Would there ever come a time when she didn’t call Sam’s father “Professor”? The name she and her mother had always used – as all the staff had. The name she was comfortable with. But once she was Sam’s wife, it would be different – wouldn’t it? What on earth should she call Edward then? She could never call him Papa, like she’d always addressed her father. There was only one man in her life who would ever be that. Alice took another sip from her glass. Every thought that crossed her mind seemed full of imponderables.
By now, as they all watched Edward begin to carve the ducklings, Rose said –
‘Have you given in your notice to the firm yet, Alice? From everything we’ve heard they’re going to miss you, aren’t they?’
Alice coloured up. She didn’t want to talk about that, because she would have to mention the fact that once she left, she’d be homeless…and she knew very well that she would be expected to come and live here, in Clifton, before the wedding. But Alice was determined she was not going to do that. This was still Sam’s home, not hers. Somehow or other, she would find something, somewhere to lay her head, until she was married.
‘No, I haven’t told my company yet,’ she said, glancing over at Rose. ‘There’s plenty of time. I shall certainly have to stay and help my replacement learn the ropes,’ she added, ‘so I expect to be in Dorchester for the foreseeable future.’
‘But I wonder where you will live once you’re married,’ Rose went on. ‘Do you expect to be in London next year, Sam?’
‘No idea,’ Sam replied, as if the question was unimportant. ‘But whereever I’m sent, I can assure you that I shall find a suitable home for my wife.’
‘Well, I wish you the best of luck with that,’ Margaret said. ‘The housing shortage is terrible since the war…there are squatters everywhere…homeless people taking over anything they can get their hands and feet on.’
Sam winked across at his sister. ‘Don’t worry about us, Margaret,’ he said. ‘Alice and I will not be squatting anywhere, I promise you that.’
Margaret was in a teasing mood. ‘Well, the very least you might have to do is to share with others, Sam… I mean…share accommodation. Take your turn in the bathroom, things like that.’ She looked up at the ceiling for more inspiration. Then – ‘Or why not apply for one of the pre-fabs everyone’s talking about? They’re really practical and cosy, so I’ve been told. Still – if “make do and mend” is one of the slogans, “shut up and share” should apply as well, shouldn’t it?’
‘And I think you should shut up, too, now, Margaret,’ Sam said easily, beginning to pass the plates of duckling along the table. ‘This is not a weekend for negative thoughts.’
‘Look, it’s almost two years since the war ended,’ Margaret went on, completely ignoring her brother’s remark, ‘and we’re still on rationing! And now, would you believe it, bread is now on coupons, as well! Bread! One of the few things that were never rationed during the war.’ She shrugged her shoulders. ‘The fact is, the country’s broke, flat broke,’ she said, ‘and we might as well accept it.’
Changing the subject, David said, ‘So, Dad…what do you make of old Nye Bevan’s National Health Service? Do you think it’ll work?’
Edward didn’t look up from what he was doing. ‘We shall just have to see,’ he said. ‘One has to applaud the principle that there will be free treatment for all – rich or poor – at the point of need. Don’t you agree?’ He looked up briefly. ‘Of course there has always been a health service for those who couldn’t afford to pay, but they had to go and ask for it. And people are proud. Many refused to go with the begging bowl, and just suffered in silence, putting up with all their aches and pains.’ He finished carving and sat down, glancing along the table at his children. ‘I’m afraid the general feeling is that when this does all take place next year, the flood gates will open and the work load will significantly increase. Still,’ he shrugged, ‘I am not a politician. I am one of the foot soldiers, and I will go on as usual, doing what I know I do best. And I am still, apparently, allowed my private patients,’ he added.
As Alice watched Betty bustling in and out, bringing in the vegetable dishes, she half-stood to go and help her. She, and her mother had always helped out when necessary, and even tonight on this rather special family occasion, Alice felt guilty at just sitting here waiting to be served. But Sam touched her arm.
‘Don’t spoil it for her,’ he said quietly, nodding in Betty’s direction, ‘she’s in her element doing all this for us. She doesn’t get the chance so often these days.’ He paused, adding quietly, ‘And just look at my father… I can see he’s happy…really happy tonight. Happy we’re all here, happy that you’re here, Alice…his sense of loss is still acute…he finds it so hard to accept my mother’s absence…so hard to be here alone.’
With their meat served, everyone began to enjoy their meal. And although Edward and Sam had tried to persuade Betty to sit and eat hers with them as well – on this very special family occasion – she had refused, insisting there were still things to attend to in the kitchen, but that she would eat the dessert with them later. And, Alice thought, it must largely be only the professor who normally Betty had to cater for now, with perhaps an occasional guest that he might invite. Or maybe one or other of the twins might decide to come home for a good meal sometimes…all four of them had got their degrees at Bristol University so had been local then, but now David and John were in London studying to be lawyers, while Rose and Margaret seemed to be having a rather nice time doing nothing in particular as far as Alice could make out. Though both had, apparently, been earning some pocket money helping one of their university friends start a restaurant somewhere up north. When Alice learned of all this, she’d quietly marvelled at the difference in her lifestyle and theirs. It would have been unthinkable not to find a job and earn her own living. Not to be responsible for herself, not to pay her own way. But that had been, and always would be, the difference in her status and theirs. The difference between the rich and the poor. Even though the professor had worked tirelessly at the Infirmary for most of his life, he had come from a moneyed background, had had a privileged education. Now Sam was having the same experience – the only one to follow his father into the medical profession. The Carmichaels had never known poverty – which was why Helena had spent so much time with her charities for the under-privileged. Alice would never forget the generous food parcels, the treats and delicacies and comforts Helena often sent down to the Hotwells folk – especially at Christmas time. Hotwells was where Alice had lived with her parents before Alice and her mother had moved to live in Clifton. And after Ada’s sudden and unexpected death, Alice became nanny to the children when she’d been just fourteen years old. Ada, and Alice, had always been treated as members of the family, and had never stopped being grateful for it.
Much later, after the professor had gone to bed and David and John had taken their sisters out for a drink, Alice and Sam sat together on the sofa in the morning room. She had nestled into him, her head on his shoulder, and now she looked up and smiled dreamily.
‘D’you remember the last time – well I think it was the last time – that we sat here together like this?’ she said. ‘The day you proposed?’
Sam turned to kiss the top of her head. ‘Of course I remember.’
Alice stayed there looking up at him, admiring all over again the strong profile, the broad forehead, the thick, shining dark copper hair – somewhat tousled tonight, she observed, where he’d been running his hands through it.
‘It was naughty of you, teasing me like that,’ she said lightly. ‘Taking me so completely by surprise.’
‘I did explain at the time that I’d never asked a woman to marry me before,’ he murmured, ‘and I thought that by suggesting you came home to discuss a business matter with me was a sure-fire way of you agreeing to turn up.’ He closed his lips over hers before going on, then –
‘I still cannot believe that you thought I was talking about my cousin, about Millicent,’ he said. ‘When I asked if you thought it was right to ask a woman, any woman, to marry me, knowing the sort of work I was doing…the commitment…the demands of the job…I wanted to find out what you really thought about someone filling the post as my wife. And your answer in the positive gave me the courage to propose to you.’ He pulled her into him closer. ‘I can’t imagine how I would have felt if you’d turned me down,’ he added.
Alice didn’t answer for a moment, enjoying these few minutes of cosy intimacy in the comfort of this familiar, luxurious room, glad that the cloud she’d sensed hanging over his head at the beginning of the day seemed to have lifted. Perhaps the jollity of the occasion had cheered him up, though he had seemed unusually pensive more than once during the meal. As if he was distracted. She sighed inwardly. It must be difficult – if not impossible – to shut yourself off from anything concerning life and death – especially in infants – and his variance of mood was something she was going to have to deal with in the future. To accept and understand. It was part of the promise she had made to him, after all, in this very room. There was no going back. She didn’t want to go back.
Their glasses of wine, almost untouched, were there on the small table beside them, and Sam released her gently before passing Alice hers, and reaching for his own.
‘I know we’ve had one or two toasts already tonight,’ he said, ‘but this is another one, a private one.’ He clinked his glass against hers. ‘To you and me. Us two. And we’re going to make sure that we go on together – for ever.’ He paused. ‘Agreed?’
‘Agreed,’ Alice murmured, sipping.
Then – as if prompted by something outside herself, Alice said –
‘Sam…there’s something we haven’t discussed, or even mentioned, yet,’ she began, and he cut in –
‘Fire away,’ he said easily. ‘Is this an ultimatum about how much housekeeping money – or dress allowance – you’re expecting to receive from me in the future?’ He winked at her. ‘Best to get these things cleared up straightaway I suppose,’ he added.
Alice smiled quickly – he’d given her the perfect cue.
‘No, it’s not,’ she said. ‘It’s about what you are expecting from me. As a wife, I mean.’ She sipped again. ‘Do you expect me to be at home all the time, after we’re married – whether you’re there or not?’
The question seemed to surprise him, and he paused for a second. ‘Well – I’m not going to keep you under lock and key, if that’s what you mean,’ he said. ‘Why – have you got something exciting planned?’
‘Hardly exciting,’ Alice replied. Then – ‘It’s just that…I can’t bear the thought of sitting around doing nothing all day, Sam,’ she said, ‘and that’s what’ll happen, won’t it? Wherever we live, it’ll just be us two to cook and clean for, and when you’re on night duty I shall be alone for perhaps forty-eight hours or more… I don’t mind being alone, I mind being alone with nothing to do. I mind that very much.’
This was something that obviously hadn’t crossed his mind. ‘So – what might you want to do?’ he said.
‘Well – possibly to go back to work – you know, like before,’ Alice said. ‘I worked very hard to become good at the job, to be successful, and I really enjoy it. It’s interesting meeting different people all the time, and helping them make decisions about one of the most important matters they’ll usually ever have to consider. Certainly the most money they’ll probably ever be involved with. The buying or selling of their home can be a very anxious time.’
Sam shrugged briefly. ‘Well, I’d only ever imagined being the sole support of my wife,’ he admitted, ‘to provide for you, and allow you some time for yourself – which I think you thoroughly deserve.’ He half-smiled. ‘Hopefully, there is never likely to be any shortage of money for us…’
Alice cut him short. ‘Oh it’s not about the money, Sam! It’s about…’ Her voice trailed off for a second. She was going to say it was about being independent, not financially, but about being free to live in the outside world, rather than the sometimes cloying one of domesticity. Instead, she said casually, ‘It’s just a thought, that’s all, you know, for the future…that if I find I have too much time on my hands I could go back into business at some point.’
Sam drank from his glass. ‘I’d only ever want you to be happy, Alice,’ he said, not looking at her.
Alice glanced back him shrewdly. And that’s all I want for you, too, Sam, she thought. And when you’re not happy, I want you to confide in me…not treat me like someone who hasn’t the right to know what’s going on in your head.
‘Tell me about today, please, Sam,’ she said firmly. ‘Tell me about what’s been on your mind – because something has, I know it.’
There was a long silence, and Alice was suddenly afraid that she’d gone too far…was probing too much, that she should be minding her own business after all.
Then, eventually – ‘It’s just that yesterday I had to go to a rather delayed memorial service for a friend – someone I’d known for a long time,’ Sam said, his voice husky. ‘ We were doing much the same course in medicine,’ he added. And after a moment – ‘I was asked to plant a tree in his memory.’
Alice raised her eyes briefly. Sam hadn’t thought to mention this before. ‘Who was he? What was his name?’ she asked curiously.
Sam sat forward and put his glass down on the table. Without looking at her he said, ‘He was called Toby – Toby Dawson. But…but I don’t want to talk about it, Alice, not tonight. Let’s not spoil what’s been such a lovely occasion for us both – for us all.’
Chapter Six (#ulink_d83ca338-7722-5465-a7c1-70c0dce68007)
At 2.30 the following Saturday afternoon, Alice made her way out of Temple Meads station to be greeted almost at once by Fay and Eve who’d been standing there waiting for her.
‘Oh good, you were on time,’ Fay said, giving Alice a hug, and standing aside for Eve to do the same. ‘Come on – I’ve parked the car just over there.’
‘I like what you’re wearing, Alice,’ Eve said. ‘I don’t think we’ve seen you in that before have we?’
‘No, I don’t think you have because I haven’t worn it for a long time,’ Alice said. She made a face to herself. She’d been searching through everything she owned trying to decide what would be suitable to wear to a birthday party on a farm which was sure to be very wet underfoot thanks to all the recent rainfall. She’d finally dug out this slightly flared blue skirt and the cream top with a lacy neckline, from the bottom of her drawer. It looked quite nice with the navy blue blazer she remembered she’d had cleaned just before the war. Her black, Cuban-heeled shoes completed an outfit which wasn’t exactly exciting, she knew that – but where had there been anything exciting to buy in the shops these days, anyway?
As usual Fay was wearing dark slacks, this time with a red and white check blouse, and a loose jacket, while Eve looked neat and fresh in a two-piece, buttery-colour suit which her mother had apparently made for her.
‘My mother used to make all my clothes,’ she said, responding to the others’ approval of what she was wearing. ‘She’s got all sorts of material hoarded away in drawers and cupboards, which she’s bought over the years. And she made this for me as a surprise. She’s amazingly clever with her needle,’ Eve added, ‘which sadly, I am not. Though I did help Mrs. Foulkes make those banners with the VE bunting Roger managed to get at the shop, didn’t I?’ Eve reminded the others.
They nodded, and Alice said, ‘It was difficult to know what to wear today, and this perpetual wet weather hasn’t helped, has it? I’m glad we’ve all brought our umbrellas with us.’ She shuddered. ‘I bet it’s going to be mucky and squelchy on the farm. D’you think our Land Army boots are still there if we need them?’
They reached the car, and Fay opened the doors for them to get in, Eve in the back, and Alice in the front seat, then Fay switched on the engine and they were off.
‘You remembered to bring the presents…the apron, and the china dish?’ Fay said, glancing across at Alice.
‘Of course – and when I went back to the shops to buy them I knew they were things Mabel will like,’ Alice said. And I managed to find some pretty paper to wrap them in.’
‘And I’ve found a nice little box to put the Coty perfume in,’ Fay said.
Eve leaned forward for a moment. ‘I hope it won’t be too much of a shock to Mrs. Foulkes when we turn up,’ she said, and Fay interrupted.
‘Oh, she’ll be thrilled, you know she will – I spoke to Roger on the phone again to let him know we could all be there, and he was really pleased…really pleased,’ she said. She smiled across at the others. ‘Let’s hope old Foulksie shares his enthusiasm.’
Alice and Eve nodded. The farmer’s moods had always been unpredictable. Alice glanced back at Eve. ‘Do you think we should have brought something for Mr. Foulkes and Roger as well?’ she said. ‘Because we haven’t seen them for nearly two years have we…two years! Can you believe that it’s that long ago?’
Eve smiled. ‘I did think of bringing another tin of liniment for Mr. Foulkes’ arthritis,’ she said, ‘because my parents still swear that it works, but I forgot about it in the end.’ She giggled. ‘Will you ever forget Walter’s reaction when he opened that first tin I brought back for him? He nearly hit the ceiling, didn’t he!’
‘Well, it certainly did smell seriously strong,’ Alice said, ‘I remember it made my eyes fill up. Still – he did seem touched that he’d been given it, didn’t he? In fact, he was quite affable for a few minutes afterwards, and did admit later that the ointment had given him some relief.’ Alice paused. ‘He was such a funny old thing, wasn’t he…so different from Mabel…yet he also had a very kind side to him now and then, didn’t he?’
Eve agreed at once. ‘I shall never forget how sweet he was when we heard about Bath being blitzed,’ she said. ‘He seemed really upset and made Roger take us all there in the van, straightaway, to see how my parents had fared.’ She shuddered. ‘It was the worst moment of my life when we heard about it on the wireless…I imagined seeing our house just a pile of rubble with my mother and father buried somewhere underneath it.’
‘Well, thank heaven, you didn’t,’ Fay said. ‘And your parents made us so welcome when we arrived that morning, even able to provide us with a good lunch, despite everything.’ She glanced back at Eve. ‘It was really nice to meet them, Evie,’ she said, ‘even if the occasion wasn’t exactly ideal.’
There was silence for a few moments after that, Alice and Fay remembering the impression that Eve had given them of Mr. and Mrs. Miles. Eve had explained that her parents, both concert pianists, had been elderly when they’d had her, and that, growing up, she’d often felt in the way of their careers. But it was obvious on that morning after the Blitz that the family of three were very close and loved each other without question.
By now, the Austin had seen them safely out of the city and they were heading into the countryside. Eve leaned forward again.
‘Are you sure you know the way, Fay?’ she asked innocently. What a question to ask Fay Reynolds, new driver or not! Staring straight ahead of her, Fay said –
‘I am reluctant to dignify that question with a response, Eve Miles,’ she said. ‘But, yes, of course I know the bloody way. And so should you – Roger took us to and from the farm many, many times, didn’t he…don’t you recognize any of it? Any of the countryside?’
Alice spoke up. ‘Won’t it be funny – I mean strange – to see everything again?’ she said. ‘Home Farm was just that –our home – for four whole years. None of us had a clue what was expected of us, did we…digging millions of potatoes, milking the cows, mucking out the pigs…it was another world! And after a few shocks, we did it, didn’t we? Somehow we did it, did everything they asked us to, and we even enjoyed it…didn’t we? Most of it?’ She turned to look at the others, and they both agreed.
‘And you have to admit, there were compensations,’ Fay pointed out. ‘Like Mabel’s fantastic suppers. I shall never forget them, and honestly I didn’t think it was possible to feel so hungry at the end of the day and to eat so much food! We didn’t even think about rationing while we were at the farm did we? We forgot all about it. And it was always so peaceful there we hardly thought about the war, either, did we…not until the Bath raid.’
‘And not until the Americans arrived in the village,’ Alice said thoughtfully.
‘But what’s really, really weird,’ Eve said, ‘is how we put it all behind us afterwards. When we left, it so quickly became the past, didn’t it? Something that happened, and then had gone. For ever. I mean, in no time at all, those four years seemed just an intrusion into our lives, and then it all came to an abrupt end and we just carried on where we’d left off.’ She shook her head briefly. ‘Doesn’t that feel weird to you?’
‘The thing is, Evie,’ Alice said, ‘we were the fortunate ones, weren’t we? None of us came to any harm – despite the raids. And we haven’t lost anyone, either…no one we love was killed, were they? But there are many thousands who did die during the raids, and many others whose husbands or brothers or sons will never return. I don’t expect the war feels quite such a passing thing to them, because the effects will go on for ever, won’t they?’
‘Yer – hang on, you two!’ Fay exclaimed. ‘We’re on our way to a birthday party, not a bloody wake! Stop being so morbid – and there are some barley sugars in my bag, Alice – pass some around.’
Alice did as she was told and they motored on, each noting one or two familiar landmarks as they went. And presently, Fay said – glancing at her watch – ‘It’s nearly 4.30…do you think milking is all done by now? We’re about ten minutes away I should think.’
‘Well, I certainly hope that Mrs. Foulkes is not expected in the milking parlour on her birthday,’ Alice said. ‘So it’ll probably be all right if we turn up soon,’ she added.
Thanks to all the rain which the country had endured during the first four months of the year, the country roads were pitted and soggy, and Fay drove slowly along trying to avoid having mud up to the axles of her car. But presently, they went around a familiar, sharp bend, then down the half-mile hill they all knew so well, and Home Farm was in sight. They were there. They were “home”.
‘Well well well, my luvvers!’ Mabel Foulkes exclaimed. ‘Now then – Roger – what ’ave you been plottin’!’
Mabel’s face was a picture of excitement – and disbelief – when she came to the farmhouse door and saw the three girls standing there, and as they started chanting “Happy birthday to you” in unison, she came forward and drew them all into her, hugging them over and over again. And then Roger appeared behind her, grinning – and clearly pleased that his surprise for his mother had worked.
They all went into the farmhouse, everyone talking at once, then Mabel moved over to the range where the kettle was boiling, and started to fill the huge teapot. She turned to look over her shoulder at the girls.
‘Rog made me bake a birthday cake,’ she said, ‘which I thought was unusual because ’ee don’t like cake much, but now I know why, an’ who was comin’ to ’elp us eat it!’
Presently, with the farmer there as well, now – he’d been let in on the secret – everyone sat around the kitchen table and watched while Roger lit the candles, one by one, for his mother to blow out.
‘Well, I never,’ Mabel said slowly as she looked around her. ‘I ’ad no idea any of this was ’appenin’…and ’tis wonderful to see you all again, my luvvers,’ she added fondly. She paused. ‘’Sbeen lonely ’ere without you.’
Alice was sitting next to Mabel, and she squeezed the older woman’s arm.
‘And it’s wonderful to see you, too, Mrs. Foulkes,’ she said warmly ‘It’s been a long time…and we’ve never stopped thinking about the farm, about you all.’ She glanced upwards as she spoke, smiling inwardly. There it was, as usual, the wooden clothes rack high above their heads, airing the week’s fresh laundry…the farmer’s long johns and Mabel’s bloomers…towels and pillow cases…nothing had changed.
Presently, the six of them sat and enjoyed their mugs of strong tea, together with a generous portion of iced Victoria sponge, now without the candles, on each plate, and suddenly Roger leaned forward and touched Alice’s arm.
‘Now look here, Alice,’ he said easily, ‘I think there’s something you haven’t told us! Come on…what’s been going on with you, then?’
Roger had been looking for signs that any of the girls were now spoken for.
Alice waved her left hand about in the air. ‘Oh this?’ she said ‘This is nothing…just my engagement ring, that’s all.’
‘Oh Alice…you’re gettin’ married, luvver!’ Mabel exclaimed, leaning forward as well and taking Alice’s hand in hers so that she could examine the beautiful ring. ‘An’…is it gonna be soon? And oo’s the lucky man, may I ask!’
Roger butted in again. ‘Oh well, that’s one off the market, then. Still – there’s two of you left…’ He grinned across at Fay and Eve. ‘I live in hope!’
All three girls smiled at Roger as he spoke. He was so good looking, and so kind and thoughtful…it was surprising that he hadn’t been snapped up by one of the local lasses long before this.
Mabel was still scrutinizing the diamond on Alice’s finger, and Alice said, ‘His name’s Sam, Mrs. Foulkes, Sam Carmichael. I’ve known him and his family for many years.’ She paused. ‘We’ve only been engaged for a few weeks, and I’m still getting used to it. But…you will all come to my wedding, won’t you?’ she said earnestly. ‘I really want you all to be there.’ She turned to Walter. ‘The three of you can leave the farm just for one day – or part of one day, Mr. Foulkes…can’t you?’ she said.
The farmer shifted in his chair. ‘Well…when’s it gonna be?’ he began reluctantly, and Mabel cut in.
‘Don’t matter when it’s gonna be,’ she said firmly. ‘We’ll get ’elp for that day, make no mistake!’ Mabel had not been to a wedding for many years, and Mabel loved weddings. Wild horses would not stop her from going to Alice’s.
‘It’s going to be on 23
December,’ Alice said, in answer to Walter’s question, ‘and will be at St. Mary Redcliffe in Bristol. I expect you know that lovely church?’
Everyone, even those living in the deepest Somerset countryside, knew of the famous St. Mary Redcliffe.
Mabel was clearly delighted at the thought of a day out…a real day out. Something different, something special. Then she frowned as another thought struck her. ‘But I shall ’ave to find somethin’ proper to wear, though, won’t I?’ she said, addressing the question to no one in particular. ‘An’ our village shop don’ do much in the clothes business.’ She paused, looking up at her husband. ‘An’ you’ll ’ave to dig out your best suit – your only suit – Walter,’ she added firmly. ‘You know it still fits ’cos you wore it last year at Ted’s funeral, didn’t you?’
‘Oh come on… I don’ ’ave to dress up, do I?’ the farmer grumbled. ‘No one’s gonna notice me in that great place anyway… I can wear me dungarees, can’t I? You can give ’em a good wash, Mabel,’ he added, ‘an’ a bit of a press.’ But his eyes were twinkling as he spoke, and everyone knew he was teasing. He seemed genuinely happy to be sitting around the table again with his three Land Girls there as well.
Alice, Fay and Eve smiled at each other. Being here like this was just like old times. Nothing had changed. Well, the Foulkes family hadn’t changed. And Alice realized, with a pang of something approaching disloyalty, that she was feeling even more relaxed here, with these particular people around her, than she sometimes felt when she was with Sam. And how dreadful was that, when she thought about it. But the thing was, she had been a lot longer in this present company, had spent more consistent time with them, than she ever had with Sam. He had been away from home so much when they were both growing up, then he’d gone to university and eventually she, Alice, had branched out on her own in business…then the war had intervened…it was a good thing their letters had kept them going…
‘Well, I dunno, I really don’t!’ Mabel said. ‘This year is gonna be a year for weddin’s – what with Princess Elizabeth marrying Lieutenant Philip Mountbatten in November…we ’avent ’ad a royal weddin’ for yers!’ She turned to Alice. ‘And I don’t care whether she’s a princess or not, she won’t look as nice as you will, Alice. Even if they can afford the best of everythin’.’
Hmm, Alice thought, I bet Princess Elizabeth won’t have any trouble finding her dress…
Presently, the birthday gifts were brought out and, as expected, Mabel was as excited as any child as she unwrapped everything. And when she read the messages on each of the birthday cards, her eyes filled with tears.
‘Now then,’ she said huskily. ‘This is very, very kind of you all, luvvers.’ She undid the bottle of perfume and dabbed a little behind each ear. ‘I made t’other one you gave me last a long time, but I’m afraid tha’s all used up now, so this is gonna come in very ’andy, an’ the apron…so pretty…and the little dish, as well! I’ve never ’ad so many things before! An’ Walter and Rog ’ave given me presents as well!’
‘And your last treat for this year, Mum, is we’re all going up to the Wheatsheaf for our supper,’ Roger announced. ‘So no one had better eat any more of that cake!’
This was something else Mabel had not been told, and she tried not to show her slight disappointment. There was one of her special goat casseroles in the range, simmering away nicely, which she’d prepared for tonight. Still. Never mind. That would all keep ’til tomorrow.
Presently, Roger went outside with Fay to admire her car…he’d been itching to have a look at it ever since the girls had turned up, and as the others finished the last of their tea Alice said –
‘Talking about what you might wear on my wedding day, Mrs. Foulkes, I don’t even know where to start looking for my dress. I don’t imagine that there’s going to be much choice in the shops – though I haven’t started looking yet.’
Eve broke in. ‘Oh, I’ll come with you, Alice!’ she said. ‘There are two places in Bath that might have something to suit you – or we could trawl the Bristol shops together. And what about Dorchester?’ Eve’s eyes shone. It was going to be fun looking for Alice’s wedding dress.
‘Well, there’s plenty of time yet,’ Alice said, determined not to get carried away by this particular item on the wedding agenda…she had more important things to worry about.
‘An’ what about bridesmaids?’ Mabel said. ‘I ’spec Eve and Fay’ll be walkin’ behind you on the great day, luvver, won’t they?’
Alice swallowed quickly. But of course she would ask her best friends to be her bridesmaids. So – four bridesmaids, four dresses to pay for, four bouquets, four presents to buy…
Much later, they all sat around the big round table in a corner of theWheatsheaf finishing their coffee, and Mabel said happily –
‘Well, Rog, that wer’ a really good meal – an’ it was quite nice not to ’ave cooked it meself!’ she added.
‘That was the general idea, Mum,’ Roger said, really pleased to have set this whole thing up for his mother. And the pub had made a big fuss of the occasion – after all, the Foulkeses had farmed here for years, were well known in the locality. And the farmer’s wife was loved by everyone. Which was why a huge, complimentary bottle of champagne had been brought to the table for the family to enjoy at the end of the meal, and why other locals also eating there had joined in the singing of the usual birthday song. Mabel looked as if she was about to burst with happiness. She looked over at Alice.
‘An’ you still down there in Dorchester, Alice?’ she enquired. ‘Still in charge of that office?’ Alice had written a couple of letters to Mabel, explaining where she was now working.
‘Yes, Mrs. Foulkes,’ Alice replied. ‘But of course I shall have to give in my notice – though I’m not sure when I’ll do that because when I leave, I’ll lose the little house that goes with the job.’ She paused briefly. ‘I don’t have any other home to go to, so I shall hang on as long as I can – before the wedding, I mean.’
Mabel pursed her lips. ‘Well, luvver…don’t ever say you ’avent got no‘ome to go to – because there’s always a ’ome for you with us – you know that. All of you,’ she added, looking at the others. ‘A’ course, we’re such a long way away from everythin’ – that’s the trouble…’ she added ruefully.
‘That’s so kind of you, Mrs. Foulkes,’ Alice said warmly. ‘But I’m sure I shall be able to find something in Bristol…’
‘Don’t forget you can always hitch up with me in my room at Miss Downs’s place,’ Fay said. ‘I know she’d have no objection.’
‘And I know my mother and father would be more than happy for you to stay with us, Alice,’ Eve cut in eagerly. ‘We’ve two spare rooms that are never used.’
Alice looked around her, aware that her throat was tightening. One minute she thought she could be homeless, the –next – there were three offers of somewhere to stay with the kindest set of people you could ever hope to meet. Why had she been worrying unnecessarily?
‘Thanks…thank you all so much,’ she said, picking up her glass and taking a sip.
After a few moments, Walter Foulkes leaned back in his chair and looked up at the big clock above the bar. Then he yawned, loudly, not bothering to put his hand in front of his mouth. He’d enjoyed that meal, but enough was enough. It was time to leave.
‘Roight then, Mabe,’ he said, half standing. ‘drink up – ’s’time to be goin’.’
Mabel looked up at him, folding her arms. ‘Sit down, Walt,’ she said firmly. ‘It’s not time to be goin’! I ’aven’t finished my champagne yet!’ This was her birthday treat, and she was making the most of it – thank you very much. Because she was enjoying it with her “family”. When they’d turned up at the farm in 1941, she’d soon considered Alice, Fay and Eve, their three Land Girls as her extra children…part of the large family she’d always longed for. Not that she was complaining…their Roger was the best son in the whole world. The son sent to her by God.
But still, He could have added one or two more while He was at it…
Walter did as he was told and sat back down, and conversation continued in the usual, amiable way it always had when this group of people had been together.
‘So, then, Fay…’ow long ’ave you ’ad your car, then, luvver?’ Mabel enquired. ‘It were very comfortable, I must say,’ she added. ‘Very nice indeed.’
Fay had driven Mabel, Alice and Eve to the pub, while Roger and his father had come in the van, and Fay said –
‘I’ve only had it a few months, Mrs. Foulkes, but of course with petrol on ration I can’t use it too much. Still, nothing would stop me driving here today,’ she added.
Mabel sat back contentedly, folding her arms across her ample stomach. ‘Well, well, well…you’re all so ’appy, now…aren’t you?’ She turned to Eve. ‘An’ what about you, luvver?’ she said. ‘Working in that music place over in Bath? An’ are you ’appy there still?’
‘Oh yes, Mrs. Foulkes,’ Eve said, glancing quickly at Alice and Eve. ‘We’re quite busy at the moment…things seem to be picking up a bit…and…’
Fay broke in, grinning. ‘Go on, tell them, Evie! Tonight is good news night!’
Eve took a deep breath, and all three of the Foulkes family looked at her with interest. ‘It’s just that I’m seeing someone…Max…he works in the shop as well, and we’re…we’re going out together. And we…like each other…very much.’
‘Ooooh,’ Mabel said enthusiastically, ‘so is there goin’ to be another weddin’ soon, then?’
Eve shook her head quickly. ‘Not that soon, Mrs. Foulkes,’ she said. ‘I think it’s going to take us a little time…but one day…’ There was no need for her to say any more. It was still early days for her and Max.
Roger banged his fist on the table in mock surrender. ‘Well blow me down, that’s two of you gone!’ he said. ‘What hope in ruddy hell has someone like me got?’
‘Now, don’t go swearin’ Rog,’ Mabel said. ‘It’s not the night for bad language.’
Fay leaned forward and touched Roger’s arm. ‘There’s still me, Rog – if you’re desperate,’ she said. ‘But the sad thing is, I’m not the marrying kind. And never will be,’ she added firmly.
Roger put his arm around Fay’s shoulders. ‘Oh well, we’ll be fun and fancy free together, then, Fay,’ he said. He turned to the others. ‘One day, Fay and I are going to go somewhere a long way away and see animals in the wild. Aren’t we, Fay?’ he added.
Fay smiled at him blearily. She’d enjoyed rather a lot of drinks with her meal, and the champagne was a particularly good year. ‘Are we?’ she said. ‘I’d forgotten about that.’
But Fay hadn’t forgotten, and she moved closer into Roger. ‘P’raps we will – in another life,’ she said obliquely.
By now, everyone was beginning to feel sleepy – the meal had been more than adequate, to say nothing of the wine – when just then the landlord came over from the bar. He looked down at Eve.
‘We were just wondering…would you give us a tune on that old thing?’ he asked, glancing across at the piano. ‘It hasn’t had that much use lately – but we were thinking as this is a special occasion you might like to…well…show us if it still works.’ Eve had soon been recognized, by more than one, as the young woman who had entertained them all on New Year’s Eve in 1944…the last one before the end of the war. That night, she had made the place rock with nostalgia and hope and no one had forgotten it.
Mabel leaned forward eagerly. ‘Oh go on, our Eve,’ she said. ‘’Twould be smashin’ if you did.’ And as Eve hesitated, Mabel went on – ‘Can you play “If you were the only girl in the world”, Eve? Just for me?’ She glanced across at Walter who had his eyes closed. ‘’Twus always a favourite of ours…of mine…’cus we danced to it at our weddin’ supper, me and Walt.’ She paused. ‘He were very good on ’is feet…at one time,’ she added.
Nothing would stop Eve doing as she was asked, and she immediately went over to the piano and played a few tentative notes – then began to play the favourite, romantic number that everyone knew.
“If you were the only girl in the world, and I were the only boy…”
Everyone in the Wheatsheaf began to sing without even being asked, and there were several pairs of watery eyes in the room as the words rang out. Not least Alice’s, for whom the lyrics were so poignant, and for Eve, too, who was still basking in the knowledge that the man she loved would, one day, really be hers.
As for Mabel – who had joined in lustily – that had been the final, lovely twist to a birthday which she wouldn’t forget in a hurry. She nudged Walter.
‘Wake up, you,’ she said. ‘We’ve just been singin’ our special song – in case you ’adn’t noticed.’
Walter opened his eyes and leaned across to his wife. Then he gave her a big kiss on the side of her cheek. ‘Course I noticed,’ he said gruffly. ‘’Appy birthday, missus.’
And Alice was aware of her eyes misting as she observed the little charade between the farmer and his wife. It was touching to see those two, Romeo and Juliet – or perhaps Darby and Joan – so close, to intertwined in their lives as they spent each busy day on the farm together, pulling equal weight through good times and bad…their obvious happiness witness to their inherent love and affection for each other. That is what a true marriage must be, Alice thought, a togetherness, a mutual desire to be good to each other. Surely an example to follow – if possible…

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