Brokedown Cowboy
Brokedown Cowboy
Maisey Yates
There are lines best friends shouldn't cross, but in Copper Ridge, Oregon, the temptation might be too much…If practice makes perfect, Connor Garrett should be world champion of being alone. Since losing his wife he's concentrated exclusively on his family's ranch. Until Felicity Foster needs a place to stay and Connor invites her to move in temporarily. That's what friends do. What friends don't do? Start fantasizing about each other in their underwear. Or out of it…Since high school, Liss has kept her raging crush in check. But helping Connor rebuild his life only reinforces how much she longs to be a part of it. One explosive encounter, and she'll discover that getting what you always wanted can feel better than you ever dreamed…There are lines best friends shouldn't cross, but in Copper Ridge, Oregon, the temptation might be too much…If practice makes perfect, Connor Garrett should be world champion of being alone. Since losing his wife he's concentrated exclusively on his family's ranch. Until Felicity Foster needs a place to stay and Connor invites her to move in temporarily. That's what friends do. What friends don't do? Start fantasizing about each other in their underwear. Or out of it…Since high school, Liss has kept her raging crush in check. But helping Connor rebuild his life only reinforces how much she longs to be a part of it. One explosive encounter, and she'll discover that getting what you always wanted can feel better than you ever dreamed…
There are lines best friends shouldn’t cross, but in Copper Ridge, Oregon, the temptation might be too much…
If practice makes perfect, Connor Garrett should be world champion of being alone. Since losing his wife he’s concentrated exclusively on his family’s ranch. Until Felicity Foster needs a place to stay and Connor invites her to move in temporarily. That’s what friends do. What friends don’t do? Start fantasizing about each other in their underwear. Or out of it…
Since high school, Liss has kept her raging crush in check. But helping Connor rebuild his life only reinforces how much she longs to be a part of it. One explosive encounter, and she’ll discover that getting what you always wanted can feel better than you ever dreamed…There are lines best friends shouldn’t cross, but in Copper Ridge, Oregon, the temptation might be too much…
If practice makes perfect, Connor Garrett should be world champion of being alone. Since losing his wife he’s concentrated exclusively on his family’s ranch. Until Felicity Foster needs a place to stay and Connor invites her to move in temporarily. That’s what friends do. What friends don’t do? Start fantasizing about each other in their underwear. Or out of it…
Since high school, Liss has kept her raging crush in check. But helping Connor rebuild his life only reinforces how much she longs to be a part of it. One explosive encounter, and she’ll discover that getting what you always wanted can feel better than you ever dreamed…
Brokedown Cowboy
Maisey Yates
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Dear Reader (#ulink_0f6d5f36-f824-53b8-8eed-39b5f0be2c35),
I have a soft spot for a strong, wounded hero. I always have. I think in part because I always want to fix their pain. I write romance because I believe in the power that love has to heal, because I believe that no one has ever missed their chance at happily ever after. Even if they need a second chance at it.
Connor Garrett is desperately in need of a second chance.
If you’ve met Connor in Part Time Cowboy then you know what a grumpy, surly, heartbroken man he is. From the moment I “met” him, I knew I needed to write his story.
I like a broken hero, and I love a story about friends discovering there’s more between them. Brokedown Cowboy gave me a chance to play with two of my favorite themes.
Liss and Connor have so much history together, and no one knows Connor’s pain like she does. But she’s also fully aware that what he’s been through means loving again will be a challenge for him. Luckily, Liss is up to the task.
I hope you enjoy Connor’s road to happiness as much as I enjoyed writing it (if you’re still in the store, you might want to buy a box of tissues…you’ve been warned).
Happy Reading!
Maisey
Contents
Cover (#uc4398f2a-fed9-5f41-98f4-410dd05913fb)
Back Cover Text (#ubdf98568-5ef0-53f8-b2bd-32dff1f21785)
Title Page (#u6dd72f6f-1b78-5f8a-a560-14b31ed6f0fc)
Dear Reader (#uc0e40c97-5840-5932-b81c-2e2555d68a05)
CHAPTER ONE (#ufd0ed8e3-0914-5da6-97d5-e4fb11d4ab51)
CHAPTER TWO (#ue15d7ed2-a2b5-5b83-a36f-efb29fd3f28f)
CHAPTER THREE (#u86387314-ec27-59de-be0b-0bfc7798e353)
CHAPTER FOUR (#ueb4c91f8-fc79-5923-9d6a-c58b667d05dc)
CHAPTER FIVE (#uaa31b67a-ea5d-53c5-af58-e5fb93fa4a30)
CHAPTER SIX (#ue85c8628-f227-5a29-9221-87758e1e80e2)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#u7d0026db-7349-520c-97e9-26e9500abd32)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIFTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIXTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINETEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_a62dfbdd-a866-558a-92b8-d43680c48c74)
CONNOR GARRETT WAS a grown-ass man. He knew there was nothing to fear in sleep. He knew the darkness of his room didn’t hide anything more sinister than a pair of carelessly discarded cowboy boots, waiting for him to stub his toe on them in the dead of night during a sleepy trip to the bathroom.
He knew these things, just like he knew the sun would rise over the mountains just before six this time of year, whether he wanted it to or not. He knew these things as surely as he knew that an early-morning breeze tinged with salt meant a storm would blow in from the coast later. That unintentional run-ins with barbed-wire fences burned like a son of a bitch. That wooden barns burned and people you loved left.
Yeah, he knew all that.
But it didn’t stop him from waking up most nights in a cold sweat, his heart pounding harder than a spooked horse’s hooves on arena dirt.
Because the simple truth was that Connor Garrett knew all these things, but his subconscious had yet to catch up.
He sat bolt upright in bed, sweat beading on his bare chest and his forehead. If this weren’t standard procedure for his body, he might’ve been concerned he was having a heart attack. Unfortunately, though, he knew at this point that the racing heart, accompanied by chest pain, was just stress. Anxiety.
Damn lingering grief that refused to lessen even as the years passed.
He wasn’t surprised when he woke up alone in bed, not anymore. It had been three years, after all. He wasn’t surprised, but he noticed. Every time. Was acutely aware of how cold the sheets were on her side of the bed. It wasn’t even the same bed he’d slept in with Jessie. He’d bought a new one about a year ago because continuing to sleep in the bed they’d shared had seemed too depressing. But it hadn’t accomplished what he had hoped it might.
Because no matter how hard he tried, whether he lay down in the middle of the bed at the start of the night, or even on the side nearest to the window, he always ended up on his side.
The side by the door. In case of intruders or any other danger. The side that allowed him to protect the person sleeping next to him. The side he had taken every night during his eight years of marriage. It was as if his late wife’s ghost was rolling him over in his sleep.
And then waking him up.
Unfortunately, Jessie didn’t even have the decency to haunt him. She was just gone. And in her place was emptiness. Emptiness in his bed. In his house. In his chest.
And when his chest wasn’t empty, it was filled with pain and a kind of dread that took over his whole body and made it impossible to breathe. Like now.
He swung his legs over the side of the mattress, the wood floor cold beneath his bare feet. He stood and walked over to the window, looked out into the darkness. The black shadows of pine trees filled his vision, and beyond that, the darker silhouette of the mountains, backlit by a slightly grayer sky. And down to the left he could barely make out the front porch. And the golden glow of the porch light that he’d somehow managed to leave on before he’d gone to sleep.
His chest tightened. That was probably why he’d woken up.
Abruptly, the dream he’d been having flooded back through his mind. It hadn’t been a full dream so much as images.
Opening the door late at night to see Eli standing there, his brother’s face grim, bleaker than Connor had ever seen it. And a ring of gold light from the porch had shone around him. Made him look like an angel of some kind. An angel of death, it had turned out.
As stupid as it was, he was half convinced that leaving that same light on downstairs brought the dreams back stronger.
It didn’t make sense. But if there was one thing he’d learned over the years, it was that grief didn’t make a lick of sense.
He jerked the bedroom door open and walked downstairs, heading toward the entryway. He stood there in front of the door, looking at the porch light shining through the windows. For a second he had the thought that if he opened it, he would find Eli standing there. Would find himself transported back in time three years. Listening to the kind of news that no one should have to hear.
There was a reason his darkest nightmares consisted of nothing more than his younger brother standing on his front porch.
Because in that moment his life had transformed into a nightmare. There was nothing scarier than that. He was confident he could take the bogeyman if need be. But he couldn’t fight death.
And in the end he hadn’t been able to save Jessie.
And he was not opening the damn door.
He flipped the light off and found himself walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge, rather than going back upstairs. He looked at the beer, which was currently the only thing on the shelves besides a bottle of ketchup and a bag that had an onion in it that had probably been there since the beginning of summer.
He let out a heavy sigh and shut the fridge. He should not drink beer at three in the morning.
Three in the morning was clearly Jack Daniel’s o’clock.
He walked over to the cabinet where he kept the harder stuff and pulled out his bottle of Jack. It was almost gone. And no one was here. No one was here, because his fucking house was empty. Because he was alone.
Considering those things, he decided to hell with the glass. He picked up the bottle and tipped it back, barely even feeling the burn anymore as the alcohol slid down his throat.
Maybe now he would be able to get some sleep. Maybe for a few hours he could forget.
He’d given up on getting rest years ago. These days he just settled for oblivion.
And this was the fastest way he knew to get it.
* * *
“YOU SHOULD JUST INSTALL a drain in the house so you can hose it down and let all the dirt wash out. Just like you do out in the barn.”
“What the hell are you doing here, Liss?”
Felicity Foster refused to be cowed by the overwhelmingly unfriendly greeting her best friend had just issued. It was just Connor, after all. She was used to his less than sparkly demeanor. She was also used to finding him passed out on the couch in the morning.
It would be nice if that occurred less frequently, but if anything, he seemed to be getting worse.
Not that she could blame him. She blamed his barn burning down. As far as the loss of Jessie was concerned, things might have continued to get better had he not lost that, too. It was just a building, bricks and wood, but it was his livelihood. It was just another piece of Connor’s dream burned down to the ground. He’d had enough of that. Too much of it.
She was officially pissed at life on his behalf. How much was one man supposed to endure?
“And to answer your rather charming question, Connor,” she said, stepping nearer to the couch, “I brought you groceries.”
He sat up, his face contorting, making him look a bit like he’d swallowed a porcupine. “Groceries? Why did you do that?”
“I know it’s been a while since you’ve gone out and socialized with actual people, rather than simply sharing your space with cows, so I feel compelled to remind you that the normal human response to this would be thank you.”
He swung his legs over the side of the couch and rubbed his hand over his face. She wanted to do something. To put her hand on his back and offer comfort. She was used to those kinds of impulses around Connor. She’d been fighting them for the better part of her adult life. But her conclusion was always that touching him would be a bad idea. So she stood there, her hands held awkwardly at her sides, leaving him uncomforted. Leaving the appropriate amount of space between them.
That was part of being a good friend. At least, it was part of maintaining a healthy friendship as far as she and Connor were concerned.
“Thank you,” he said, his voice gruff. “But why the hell did you bring me groceries? And why did you bring them by before work?”
“I brought you groceries because man cannot live on booze alone. I’m bringing them this morning because I was too tired to lug them over last night, when I actually bought them. So I thought, in the spirit of goodwill and breakfast cereals, I would bring them by now.”
“I do like breakfast cereals. I’m ambivalent about goodwill.” He stood up, wobbling slightly. “Feeling a little bit ambivalent about gravity, too.”
“I’m surprised you feel like eating. How much did you drink?”
He looked away from her and shrugged in a classically Connor manner. Playing things off was an art form with this man. “I don’t know. I woke up in the middle of the night. I couldn’t get back to sleep so I had a little bit to drink and ended up staying down here. Anyway, I don’t really notice the hangovers anymore.”
“I don’t think building up a resistance to hangovers is a crowning achievement.”
“For my lifestyle, it certainly is.”
She rolled her eyes. “Come on, cowboy. I’ll pour you some cereal.”
She shouldn’t offer to do things like that for him. She knew it. But she did it anyway. Just like she brought his groceries when she knew his fridge contained nothing but beer. Just like she still came to his house every day to make sure he was taken care of.
“Whoa, wait a second, Liss. We do not know each other well enough for that shit.”
“I’ve known you since I was fifteen.”
“The preparation of cereal is a highly contentious thing. You don’t know how much milk I might want. Hell, I don’t know how much milk I might want until I assess the density and quality of the cereal.”
“Are you still drunk?”
“Probably a little bit.”
“Kitchen. Now.”
Connor offered her a smart-ass smile, one side of his mouth curving upward. She couldn’t help but watch him as he walked from the living room into the kitchen. His dark hair was longer than he used to keep it, a beard now covering his once clean-shaven jaw. She didn’t mind the look. Actually, didn’t mind was an understatement; she thought he looked dead sexy. Though, in her opinion, there was no look Connor had ever sported that she’d found less than sexy. Even that terrible haircut, gelled and spiked up, that he’d had for about a year in high school, his one and only attempt at trendiness. No, on that score, the beard and hair were fine. The real issue was that his mountain-man look wasn’t a fashion statement, but an outward sign of the fact that he just didn’t take care of himself anymore.
They walked into the kitchen, and with the sun shining through the window like it was now, she could clearly see the coat of neglect that everything wore. The stove had a grease film over the top of it, a shocking amount of splatters on the white surface considering that she knew Connor never cooked anything here beyond frozen pizza. The pine cabinets looked dingy, the front window dotted with a white film of hard-water stains.
The house didn’t wear its neglect with quite the same devilish flare its owner did.
Connor reached up and opened one of the cabinets, taking out one of the brightly colored boxes of cereal she had just placed there. It struck her, in that moment, how funny it was she had known exactly where to put the cereal, and that he had known she would.
He grabbed a bowl and placed it on the counter, turning to face her, and she realized then that Connor wasn’t wearing his neglect quite as well as he would like everyone to believe. Sure, he was still sexy as hell, the tight lines by his eyes, the deep grooves in his forehead not doing anything to diminish that. But they were new. A map of the stress and grief of the past few years, deepened by his recent losses.
She ached for him. But beyond buying the man’s food, there was very little she could do.
She had been about to unload on him about all the crap that was happening with her rental. But it wasn’t a good time. Though she doubted with Connor there was ever a good time. Not because he wouldn’t care, but because she didn’t want to pile on.
Connor poured milk on his cereal, milk she had brought, and set it back on the counter. He picked up his bowl and started eating, crunching loudly on his first bite. “Are you going to have some, Liss?”
“I never say no to cereal. I have important accounting stuff to attend to. I find an early-morning carb rush is the best way to handle that.”
“Coffee?” he asked, talking around the food in his mouth.
“I had a carafe before I came over. I don’t play around with caffeine consumption.”
“Well, I need some.” He set the bowl back down on the counter and made his way over to the coffeemaker.
“So you had coffee. Beer, and coffee.”
“I’m not an animal.”
Liss snickered while she got her own bowl and set about preparing her cereal. There was a strange domesticity to the scene. Mundane conversation, easy morning sounds. Water running in the sink, clattering dishes. The soft filter of early sunlight through the thick wall of evergreens that surrounded Connor’s front yard.
There was something poignant about sharing this with him. This moment that seemed to have slipped right out of time. Like something she’d stolen, something she shouldn’t have.
Seriously, you would think she was the one who had been drinking. She was maudlin.
Connor started the coffee then returned to the island where he’d prepared his cereal. They stood across from each other, eating in silence, except for the crunching. And the sounds of the coffeemaker.
More morning sounds she was not entitled to.
Because this was the kind of thing a guy shared with his lover or wife. Not with his oddly codependent best friend.
“Have you heard back from the insurance company about the settlement?” The barn had burned down in July thanks to a few kids carelessly playing with fireworks, and while Liss knew that insurance companies could drag their feet to a pretty insane degree, this was going somewhere beyond that.
It was mid-September, and as far as she knew, Connor’s bank account remained void of settlements.
“Nope.”
“Well, that’s a little bit ridiculous, don’t you think?”
He shrugged one shoulder then took another bite of cereal. “Probably. Just haven’t had the energy to go chasing it down.”
“Don’t you think you should find the energy? All that equipment...”
“I’m very aware of what I lost in the fire. I don’t need you to summarize. Anyway, I’ve been making use of Bud’s old tractor. Plus, Jack had some extra tools.”
“That’s very nice. But don’t you want your own things?”
“Yes, Liss,” he said, his tone getting hard. “I would very much like to have my own shit. Actually, what I would really like is for my barn not to have burned down.”
Connor Garrett was six feet four inches of solid muscle. When he crossed his arms over his chest, showing off the strength in his powerful forearms and the full-sleeve tattoo he’d gotten a couple of years ago, he made a very intimidating picture. To other people. But not to her. “Too bad it’s not a perfect world, isn’t it?”
Connor snorted. “Yeah, Liss, I have noticed that the world isn’t perfect.”
“Noticing it isn’t enough. You have to do something about it.”
“I was not aware that my cereal came with a lecture.”
“It wasn’t supposed to. I have to go to work.” She set her bowl down on the counter then turned away from him, shoving her hands in her jacket pockets.
“Wait.” She heard footsteps, and no small amount of rustling behind her.
She turned back toward Connor, who was pouring coffee into a travel mug. “I’m waiting.”
She watched as he put two spoonfuls of sugar and a splash of cream in the cup. Exactly the way she took her coffee. And of course he knew. “Coffee. You’re allowed to leave mad, but you’re not allowed to leave without caffeine.”
She took the cup from his hand, holding her breath as her fingers brushed his, tightening her stomach muscles before they could do so involuntarily. “Thus ensuring that I don’t leave mad.” She lifted the cup. “Evil genius, Garrett.”
“I am that, Foster. As you should well know by now.”
“I’m familiar. Poker tonight?”
“As far as I know. Eli has campaign stuff he’s working on, so I’m not sure if he’ll stop by, but I’m pretty sure Sadie is coming. And unless Jack is getting laid with some random stranger...”
“Oh, Jack. It’s a real concern with that one.” Jack Monaghan was Connor’s other best friend. Between Eli and Connor in age, he’d been terrorizing Copper Ridge with the Garretts since the three of them were adolescent boys. And he had grown up to be a bigger terror than he’d been at twelve.
Unlike Eli, who was staid and responsible, running for sheriff of Logan County and in a serious, committed relationship with onetime bad girl Sadie Miller. And unlike Connor, who had gotten married in his early twenties and settled into ranch work. Jack had never settled into much of anything. Except sleeping his way through the female population, and steadfastly refusing to grow up by opting for a career as a rodeo cowboy.
Jack was hell on cowboy boots, but he was a lot of fun to have around. So long as you weren’t counting on him for much.
“Yeah, well, one of us should go out there and get some.”
Liss resisted the urge to ask for any details regarding Connor and his getting-some status. She was willing to bet he wasn’t, but then, it wasn’t like he told her everything. And Connor’s sex life was absolutely none of her business. In fact, she had spent the better part of the past seventeen years ignoring the fact that he had a sex life. Or at least trying to.
“I’m happy for Jack to be the getting-some ambassador. Down with relationships!”
Connor chuckled. “I don’t think Jack orders his sex with a side of relationship.”
“He’s a better man than I am,” Liss said.
“Yeah, me, too.”
Well, that might answer her question. The one she wasn’t going to ask. The one she certainly wasn’t going to dwell on. Though she was dwelling a little bit.
“Okay, Connor, I really have to go now. Thank you for the coffee.”
“Thank you for the cereal. And the other things.”
“My unending friendship, my support, my willingness to give you the hard truths?”
“I meant the milk and the half-and-half. But sure.”
She shot Connor a mock dirty glare and gave him a good look at her middle finger before turning and walking out the door. The crisp air touched her skin, bathing her in a feeling of freshness. The weather had already cooled quite a bit, and mornings were starting to take on that tinge of salted frost that signaled the fact they were leaving summer further and further behind.
She walked down the stairs and toward her little Toyota. Good thing she had this car free and clear. And hopefully it stayed running. Since, thanks to Marshall, her credit was on life support. That asshole, driving off one day in the brand-new truck that had both their names on it. And then proceeding to not make payments. And then also continuing to use credit cards that were in both their names without her knowledge.
She’d been able to get a certain amount of dings on the report taken care of, but some of it the bureaus had been unwilling to reverse. Right about now she couldn’t get a car loan, or a new rental house, to save her life.
Which, because of the general stability of her lifestyle, wasn’t the biggest problem. Until a couple of days ago when she’d found out that her landlord needed her out of the house in thirty days because she was selling it.
Yes, that had thrown a wrench in the works.
But she would figure it out. She always did.
She could always move in with her mother, though the very idea of it made her shudder. She wouldn’t be living on the streets, anyway, ideal situation or not.
But she would worry about that later. First work, then poker. She could panic tomorrow.
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_85015360-3b91-5297-a23c-6da37ec4fc91)
“GET OUT OF my house, Miller.”
His brother’s girlfriend looked up at him, the expression on her face comically innocent. “I came bearing gifts, Connor. Is that any way to greet a guest with presents?”
“You brought Beavers paraphernalia into my house. OSU fans can stay out on the lawn. We worship at the temple of green and gold here.”
Jack, who was already sitting at the table, thumped the side of the green ice bucket, proudly displaying the large University of Oregon O. “This is Duck country, sweetheart.”
Sadie batted her eyes. “I had no idea. I just found this bright orange bowl and thought it would be a great bowl to bring black and orange M&Ms in.”
“She’s a witch! Burn the witch!” Jack chanted from his position at the table.
“Light anything else on my property on fire and I will roast you over the flames, Monaghan,” Connor growled.
“Sorry, Con,” he said. “Bad joke, all things considered.”
Connor supposed it was. But then, if you couldn’t laugh at life’s shit, you might as well lie down in it and die. Which...he was closer to doing some days than he’d like to admit.
Sadie ignored him and walked into the house, putting her giant orange bowl on the table, an ugly blot near his hallowed Ducks ice bucket. “Eli should be by later. I invited Kate, too.”
This elicited a groan from Jack, and, he realized after the fact, from him, too.
“What?” Sadie asked. “Kate is my friend, and I want her here.”
“She’s my little sister,” Connor said.
“And I have to watch my mouth when she’s around,” Jack said.
“But you don’t,” Sadie said, arching her brow. “Anyway, your boys club gets stale. The testosterone is so thick a girl can hardly breathe.”
“Hey,” Connor said. “What about Liss?”
“She is an excellent source of estrogen, but firmly on your team,” Sadie said, reaching into her godforsaken bowl and taking out a handful of candy.
He supposed he couldn’t argue that point. Liss was his friend. And had been for years. She’d stuck by him almost as long as Jack. And she wasn’t obligated by blood the way Eli was. Considering that, he definitely owed her an apology for being such a jackass this morning. But hangovers were not his friend.
Considering that, he spent way more time with them than he should.
“She’s coming, right?” Sadie asked.
“Yeah, I’m surprised she’s not here yet.”
As if on cue, the door burst open and Liss all but tumbled into the room, dropping her purse on the wooden floor and letting out a frustrated growl. “My damn car wouldn’t start.” She straightened and pushed her dark, coppery hair from her forehead, her hazel eyes telegraphing her evil mood with supreme effect. “I tried for twenty minutes in the parking lot at work, and then when I was getting ready to call a tow truck, it started for no apparent reason. That’s not a good sign.”
Sadie closed the distance between herself and Liss and picked Liss’s purse up from the floor, not because Sadie was big into neatness, but because she seemed to like picking up after people. A therapist before she’d come back to Copper Ridge to open her bed-and-breakfast, Sadie liked fixing other people’s problems more than she liked just about anything else.
Except antagonizing them with sports rivalries, apparently.
“That sucks, Liss,” Jack said, leaning back in his chair, his eyes on the forbidden bowl of candy.
“Eat the candy, Jack,” Connor said, keeping his eyes on Liss.
She was wearing the same clothes she’d had on this morning, a pair of black dress pants and a blue button-up shirt, her hair hanging loose around her shoulders. She looked flustered, which was unusual for Liss.
“Just one more thing I don’t need,” she grumbled. “Something smells good.”
“Frozen pizza, à la me,” Connor said.
“Yum!” Liss said, her crabby expression lightening. “Anything else?”
“I brought pizza rolls,” Jack said.
“Anything else?” Sadie asked.
“There’s cheesy garlic bread in the oven. And marinara sauce to dip in,” Connor said.
“So,” Sadie said, “pizza, pizza that’s folded in on itself and deconstructed pizza.”
“Pretty much,” Connor said.
“Any vegetables?” Sadie asked.
“It’s like you don’t know us at all,” Jack said.
“I’m on board with your choice of menu for the evening,” Liss said, sitting down at the table across from Jack and immediately snagging a beer from the Ducks bucket. “I require carbs, cheese and grease to deal with my mood.”
“I’m sure Jake will take a look at your car,” Connor said, referencing Copper Ridge’s new mechanic. Jake was still building a client base, and he was counting on word of mouth to help do that.
“Probably. But I don’t really want to go begging for free work. Anyway, as long as it’s a minor issue I can afford to deal with it. But I am not in a position to buy a new car.”
Jack snorted. “Who is?”
“Probably you,” Liss said.
Jack just shrugged. Jack might be in the position but Connor certainly wasn’t. Not with his barn reduced to ash and charred ranch equipment. Though, truly, he supposed that was a fixable problem. But somehow, every time he went to fix the paperwork the insurance place had sent over, he got distracted and ended up doing something else. So the changes never got made. And the paperwork never got fixed. And his bank account stayed empty. And his barn stayed ash.
Damn, he needed a beer.
He took one out of the bucket and rested the bottle against the corner of the table, pulling it down as he slammed his hand on the top of it.
“Show-off,” Sadie said.
He shrugged. “Yeah, I just figured I’d put all my skills out there tonight. Putting frozen food in the oven, popping beer tops without a bottle opener. I’m a badass.”
“A superepic one,” Liss said, taking a drink of her beer. “And after I’ve had this entire bottle, and possibly another, I might even upgrade you.”
“To what?” he asked.
“Superepic rock-star badass.”
“I like that. But I think cowboy should be in there somewhere.”
Jack winked. “You’re not a real cowboy, though, Connor. When was the last time you rode a bucking bronco?”
“No, asshole, you’re confused. You’re not a real cowboy. You just play one in the ring,” Connor said.
Sadie started humming “Rhinestone Cowboy,” and Connor decided he liked her a little more than he had a few moments ago.
The oven timer went off and Connor crossed the living room and went to the kitchen, getting some hot pads and taking the bread and pizza out of the oven. The pizza rolls were sitting in a ball on the counter, and he stacked the pan laden with the real pizza on top of the bowl and carried the tray of bread in his other hand, taking it all into the dining area.
He set the food down in front of Liss and Jack, and Sadie gleefully reached for a plate, hovering near the bowl of pizza rolls.
“Next time, I promise to bake something,” Sadie said. “Quiche. That might elevate this a little bit.” Although her expression said she didn’t really mind slumming it with their subpar pizzas.
“Sure, Sadie, you could do that,” Connor said.
The door opened again, and Kate burst through it, followed by Eli, who was still in his uniform. Everything a stranger might want to know about his two younger siblings was conveyed by the way they walked into his house. Kate was exuberant, her footsteps loud, her grin irrepressible. Eli’s steps were measured, cautious. And when he saw Sadie, the slow, subtle smile that spread across his features expressed a depth of happiness that made Connor’s bones hurt.
That had been him once. At least, that was how he remembered it.
When he’d walked into a room, there had been only one place his eyes had gone. Jessie. She had been his focal point, his North Star, from the time he was eighteen years old. And then suddenly, she was just gone.
And so was his star.
He cleared his throat and took another drink of beer. There was no point in following that train of thought. No point in thinking about her at all. Except it was hard on nights like this. On the one hand, he depended on these get-togethers. They were his one opportunity to smile. To laugh. But when everyone was together like this, it was impossible to ignore the fact that it wasn’t everyone. And it never would be again. Jessie had always sat next to him when they played poker. And sometimes she cheated, and he pretended he didn’t notice.
He hadn’t played a hand since without wishing she was there to look at his cards.
Still, it was better than drinking alone.
Liss sat next to him now. And he figured if he couldn’t be with his wife, he should be right near his best friend.
Eli winced and reached into his jacket pocket, producing a vibrating cell phone. He let out a long-suffering sigh. “I’ve got to take this. Campaign stuff.”
“It’s fine,” Sadie said, answering for all of them.
“I’ll turn it off for the game.”
“It’s fine,” Connor reiterated.
Eli waved a hand and walked back outside, the phone pressed to his ear. Sadie was smiling dreamily after him.
“He’s so sexy when he’s doing political stuff,” she said.
Connor and Kate groaned. Then Kate moved farther into the room, offering her greetings.
“Hey, Jack. Hey, Sadie, Liss,” she said, walking over to the table and taking a big piece of pizza off the pan, not bothering to use a plate. No greeting for him, but whatever. That was what younger sisters were for. “Did you sort out the rental situation?”
It took him a moment to realize that Kate had directed the question at Liss. “What rental situation?” he asked.
“Sorry. I didn’t realize you hadn’t told everyone,” Kate said, her expression sheepish.
Liss looked slightly embarrassed. “Oh, no, it’s not a big deal. Anyway, no, not yet. But I will.”
“Wait a second, what rental thing? Is something happening with your house, Liss?” Connor asked, feeling annoyed now, because his little sister knew something about his best friend that he didn’t.
Liss let out an exasperated breath. “I’m dealing, Connor. Put away your duct tape and superglue. You don’t need to fix this.”
He almost opened his mouth to say he hadn’t offered to fix a damn thing. Because it was true; he hadn’t. He hadn’t offered to fix a damn thing in years.
There was no one around to complain if he didn’t. So sinks stayed leaky, windows stayed drafty and...well, he got drunk while his friend was having a problem, and motherfucker, he didn’t like that at all.
“Well, maybe I want to fix it if I can,” he said.
“That’s nice of you, Connor, but I don’t think you can. Unfortunately, I’m uncovering a lot of damage Marshall did to my credit when he took off a couple of years ago. Some of it was obvious and came to my attention pretty quickly. Some of it has been less so. There were other credit cards, an additional car loan, plus what I already knew about. Basically, even with the credit bureaus correcting some of it, I can’t get a new rental easily. And now that my landlord is selling...”
“That’s not fair!” Kate said around a mouthful of pizza. “Most everybody here knows you, Liss. And a lot of us knew Marshall. So we kind of know he was an ass.”
“If you had always known that, Kate, you might have let me in on it,” Liss said, smiling ruefully.
“I think I did tell you that,” Connor said through clenched teeth. “Repeatedly.”
Liss tightened her lips into a bud, and Connor could tell she was holding back a deadly reply. He didn’t really care. She’d been warned. She didn’t listen. And while he didn’t hold it against her, he had pretty much told her so the minute she’d shacked up with that idiot who was, well, an idiot.
Of course, Connor’d had to acknowledge, just to himself, that he might’ve been being unfair, because no man seemed good enough for Liss. Kind of like how no man would ever seem good enough for Kate.
But in the end, his instincts had been right on. Marshall had been a loser. Marshall had run off with Liss’s money and the truck they had just bought. And now this.
“That’s beside the point,” Connor continued. “How long do you have to move out?”
“Legally, I have thirty days. But it’s a private sale, and everything is moving really quickly. I figure I’m going to be out on my rear one way or the other. I mean, if it’s that or going to live with my mother, then I will stay until the very last second, but...”
“You should stay here,” Kate said.
Liss’s eyes widened, and he felt his own mouth fall open. “Here? As in...here here?”
“Well, Sadie has the B and B.”
Sadie winced. “I’m booked solid through Christmas. People coming to visit family, combined with the off-season discount, created a deluge of reservations.”
“Your bed-and-breakfast is your livelihood, Sadie,” Liss said. “I’m not going to take advantage of that. No one would expect me to do accounting for free.”
“I wouldn’t do accounting for money,” Jack said.
“You probably couldn’t do accounting for money, either,” Liss returned.
“I’m wounded, Liss,” Jack said. “However, speaking of all that, maybe somebody has a room and could use your services?”
Connor thought about all the paperwork he had left to do for the insurance. No, it wasn’t accounting, but he had accounting to do. Though Liss already did it for him. And he even paid her. It was one of the few administrative things that still got done on time and well, because he paid for the service, rather than pretending he would do it himself one day. And Liss had brought him groceries this morning. In exchange for nothing but a bowl of cereal. He used her services already, many of them, and gave back very little in return these days.
“You can stay with me, Liss,” he said, before he had time to fully process the implications of what he was offering.
“Really?” She looked shocked, and that made him feel even worse. Because why should she be shocked that her best friend was offering basic hospitality to her in her time of need? She shouldn’t be.
He was clearly an asshole.
“Yes, really. This house is huge. And I’m here all by myself. I’ve got three completely empty bedrooms, plus office space I never use.” Jessie had used the office to manage ranch staff, but he never had. It felt weird offering her space up. But she was gone, and Liss was here. Liss needed him, and he was going to help. “Anyway, it would just be until you can figure out a way to get a place of your own. Until you can find somebody who’s willing to go outside the box for you. Or until your credit improves, or whatever. And you can save up for your deposit and first and last month’s rent and all that.”
“Connor, I can’t stay here for free.”
“No, you’ll be staying here in exchange for groceries.” She already bought them for him, anyway. “Plus, I might need a little bit of help with my organization.”
Jack snorted. “You think?”
“We don’t all have obsessive-compulsive tendencies like Eli,” Connor said drily.
Eli, of course, chose that exact moment to walk back in, looking as if he was willing and able to lay down a little law and order. Sure, Eli was younger, but the two of them had banded together at a very young age to take care of the ranch and raise Kate. He’d had to start seeing Eli in a new light very quickly. There were only two years between them, anyway, but Connor had begun viewing him as an equal from the moment Eli had taken on household responsibilities.
And now that Connor lived alone in the big house, barely able to clean up after himself, he really appreciated all that Eli had done to make their lives better when they’d been kids.
Since then, Eli had gone from protecting the family to protecting the entire town. And while Connor didn’t go around gushing about it, he couldn’t be prouder. Even when Eli looked at him like he was a lost cause. Much like he was doing now.
“What did I miss?” Eli asked.
“Connor is defending his lack of housekeeping skills,” Jack said.
Sadie crossed the room to Eli and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him deeply as though they hadn’t just greeted each other a few moments ago. “Hey, Sheriff,” she said.
“Not yet,” he said. “Don’t jinx it.”
“I’m not a jinx! I’m the human incarnation of a lucky rabbit’s foot!”
“Are you?” he asked, cocking his head to the side, the whole interaction way too cute for his formerly stoic sibling.
They separated slowly, Eli’s hand sliding over her hip before resting there. Connor’s stomach twisted.
“Connor isn’t just defending his housekeeping,” Sadie said. “He’s offering Liss a place to stay until she can find a new rental.”
“What happened with your old rental?” Eli said, frowning deeply.
Liss sighed. “I should have known that once the Garrett family got involved this whole thing would get epic. Long story abridged, my credit sucks because of Marshall, and my landlord is selling.”
Eli’s breath hissed through his teeth. “That’s a bad combination.”
“But it’s going to be fine,” Connor said, his tone insistent. “Because she can stay with me until she figures something out. I have plenty of room here. Anyway, she’s here every night as it is. And she already brings me groceries.”
“You’re a little too attached to the grocery thing,” Liss said.
He shrugged. “Hey, it’s your rent. A small price to pay for a bedroom at Chez Garrett.”
* * *
LISS FIDGETED, LOOKING AROUND the room at all the expectant gazes. The Garretts were her surrogate family, so it was no surprise they had all rushed to her aid. But she hadn’t told Connor for a specific reason. She’d found herself talking to Kate today during her lunch break, when they’d run into each other at the Crab Shanty during lunch hour. She should have known that the youngest Garrett wouldn’t employ discretion.
Anyway, this was a solution, and she did need a solution. It was just the idea of living with Connor was sort of a loaded one. For a variety of reasons.
Though resisting would be...well, stupid. Because it was this or living with her mother, and she could genuinely imagine nothing worse than living with her mother. Except, maybe, living under a bridge. Actually, though, the bridge might be preferable.
But Connor had a point. This was a huge house. She spent a lot of time here, anyway.
Though, under normal circumstances, she would’ve wanted a little bit of time to think it over. Just because it was a change. Just because any commitment to move was kind of a big deal. But with the Garrett clan, Sadie and Jack all staring at her as if she had to issue a formal statement now, she felt as though she could hardly leave them waiting.
So she just ran through a quick laundry list of excuses and drawbacks, to be on the safe side:
Connor’s house was farther from work.
She had never been that into the rustic look. Which his place had in spades.
She would have to put some of her furniture in storage.
Being in close proximity to Connor might make her loins burst into flame, starting another fire, leaving him homeless as well as barnless.
Yes, that. That was a problem. But then, she had done a lot of work in the loin department where Connor was concerned. She should be able to handle it. Honestly, she had been friends with the man for more than fifteen years, so her coping skills where he was concerned should be more refined. They were possibly even more refined than she realized. High exposure to Connor might actually help. If so, things like this morning, and that intimacy she had felt in the moment, would seem more commonplace.
So, there was a theory. And it was helping with her attempt at a snap decision.
“Thank you, Connor. I... Thank you. I really appreciate the offer. But we’re going to have to talk about logistics, because I’m not just going to stay here and sponge off you.”
“I’m not worried about that. Honestly,” he said.
“Well, I am. I don’t want to take advantage of you or our friendship.”
“You won’t,” he said, his tone carrying a note of finality. “If anyone has been taking advantage over the past few years, it’s been me. I didn’t even realize you were going through something. You didn’t tell me. That says a lot.”
“Connor,” she said, her voice quiet, “I just didn’t want to pile on.”
“That’s the thing. You sure as hell should not be thinking of sharing things with me as piling on. I’m your friend. Yeah, I’ve had my share of bullshit going on for the past couple of years, but that doesn’t mean you need to keep all this to yourself. I should’ve made that clearer.”
Liss’s chest tightened. She didn’t like putting her crap on other people. Especially not someone who was already going through so much. Regardless of what he said, it did matter. She didn’t like to be a burden to people. Least of all people she cared about. Why would anyone keep her around if she was taking more than she was giving?
“You should definitely stay here, Liss.” It was Eli’s turn to give his two cents. Apparently.
“I’m going to. Thank you.”
Jack took another piece of pizza off the tray and leaned back in his chair. “Are we going to play cards, or are we going to stand around debating living situations? Not that you asked, Connor, but I might like to come and stay here, too.”
“Why would you do that? Your house is nicer than mine.”
“Yes, but Liss is going to be in your house, buying groceries. I’m assuming she might even cook some of those groceries.”
“I never said anything about cooking,” Liss said. “And even if I were going to cook, I would not be cooking for you. I will, however, kick your ass at poker.”
Jack spread his arms wide. “Bring it on.”
Everyone jostled and started taking their spots at the table, Eli reaching out to the center of it and grabbing a deck of cards. “It’s about to be brought, Monaghan,” Liss said.
And for a moment things felt normal. Things felt sane.
Pretty soon all of that would change, but for now they were just going to play some cards.
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_294af3a4-dd67-5530-94bb-d88de2f78a7f)
“HEY, LISS,” CONNOR SAID, following her out the door to his house and down the steps of the porch. The poker game was done, and Jack had already gone home, while Kate was in the dining room lingering over the bowl of pizza rolls, and Eli and Sadie were just sort of happily sitting in the same chair.
Liss was ready to go, blaming an early work schedule, but they still had some things to figure out as far as Connor was concerned.
It was dark outside, cold enough that Connor could see his breath as he exhaled, the sharp bite of air in his lungs a signal that fall was fleeting and winter was biting at its ankles.
“We need to talk just a little bit before you go,” he said.
Liss paused and turned on her heel, the gravel crunching beneath her feet. “Do we need to talk tonight?” She sounded tired, and he couldn’t blame her. Had she sounded tired this morning? Had she sounded tired for longer than that? What else hadn’t he noticed?
“It’s not going to be long and involved, I promise. I just want to get a few things straight. You’re not paying me rent.”
“I’m going to have to compensate you somehow.”
“Sure you are. You will bring me food, like you already do, and I will actually give you something in return.”
“Connor, don’t be difficult about this. At least let me go over some of the paperwork for the ranch. Get things organized. And maybe the house, too. If I’m going to be living in it, then I need things at a slightly higher level of cleanliness.”
“Fine. Done.” He ignored the tightening in his stomach. All of these offers of payment sounded very...domestic. Which was fair, he supposed, since they would be sharing the same house.
“Good,” she said, nodding. “I’m glad we could come to an agreement.”
Something about the situation struck him as funny then, loosening the knot in his gut. “I feel like we should shake hands or something.”
“It does feel a little formal, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah. Better idea.” He reached out and pulled Liss into a hug, not really thinking about it until she was pressed up against him, warm, soft and very feminine. He didn’t hug people often. He didn’t hug people ever, really. Sometimes he hugged Kate, an awkward half hug. And he was more likely to punch Eli in the face than pull him into an embrace.
Very likely for those reasons the contact hit him with the force of a two-by-four. And while he was still reeling from the hit, time seemed to slow, and he became acutely aware of small things he would never normally notice. Of how soft she was, how tiny she was, folded into his arms, and—of course—the press of her breasts against his chest, because he was only human.
Connor breathed in deep, inhaling a hint of wood smoke coming from his own chimney, a bit of sea salt mixed with pine and a floral note he knew was coming from Liss’s hair. The kind of girlie shampoo that had once cluttered up his shower, but had been absent from his house and his senses.
And for some reason, in this strange slow-motion moment it seemed perfectly acceptable for him to run his palm up Liss’s back.
“Connor, you’re kind of squishing my face.”
Liss’s muffled voice broke the moment, time suddenly returning to its normal speed. He laughed, a short, harsh sound that wasn’t really intentional. But apparently, the release was necessary.
He let go of her and took a step backward. “Sorry about your face.”
“Hang on to that, Connor. That could be a really useful insult later.”
“I meant it sincerely. The squishing of your face, not the features of your face. The features of your face are fine.” He had a feeling he wasn’t making any of this better, or less weird.
“Thank you,” she said, her tone letting him know that he definitely seemed weird to her. “I’m going to go home now. If I don’t get my sleep, the numbers will not be effectively crunched tomorrow.”
“That would be a shame.”
“Not really. But I need the paycheck.”
“So when do you want to move, then?”
She kicked her foot across the top of the gravel, the rocks clacking against each other. “I don’t know. I mean, I have time...”
“Well, whatever you want. I’ll even help you move.”
Liss pulled a face. “What exactly has come over you? You’re being all helpful and things.”
“I guess it’s the realization that I haven’t been very helpful at all recently.” They both knew exactly since when.
“I understand. I’m not going to tell you how you should handle all this. It’s not my place.”
“You’re about the only one who thinks that. Eli thinks I need to get over it. Jack thinks I need to get laid.”
Liss cleared her throat loudly. “With that in mind, I will be the one who thinks you just need to do what you can.”
“I can do this,” Connor said. “I can give this to you. So let me.”
She scuffed her toe over the gravel, the rocks clicking together. “I am. We’ll work out the logistics later. Thank you.”
He gave her a halfhearted wave and turned away from her, walking back up the steps before pausing and watching her get into her car. Waiting until it started to go back inside. At least the thing would get her home tonight.
He shut the front door behind him and walked into the dining area, coming face-to-face with three very rapt sets of eyes. “What?” he asked.
“So, Liss is going to move in?” Eli asked.
“Were you not here for the entirety of this?” Connor returned.
“Just confirming.”
“She needs me. She’s a friend.”
“I know,” Eli said.
“Well, you look too interested. There’s nothing to be interested about.”
Sadie’s expression turned placating, which only irritated him more. “Of course not.” She reached into her offensive orange bowl and started digging around for candy. “It is very nice that you’re doing this for her.”
“You all have the wrong end of the stick,” he said, pointing at the group. “You would not be reacting like this if I offered Jack a place to stay. And if Jack needed me, I would have him stay here, too. And he’s a way bigger pain in the ass than Liss.”
“True,” Kate said. “On all counts.”
“See? Katie agrees with me.”
“Not,” Kate said, her tone filled with warning, “if you keep calling me Katie.”
A smile tugged at his lips. “Whatever you say, Katie.”
It was Kate’s turn to reach into the bowl. She pulled out a couple of M&Ms and hurled a couple at his head. “Serves you right,” she said when one clocked him in the temple.
“Oh, no,” he said, in mock terror. “You threw candy at me.”
“Beaver candy,” Sadie said.
“Okay, ladies, let’s get out of Connor’s hair,” Eli said, showing an uncharacteristic amount of sensitivity. Eli usually thought nothing of running roughshod over him. Mainly because Eli always seemed to think he knew how other people should live their lives, and Connor was no exception to that.
Eli lifted Sadie from his lap and stood, raising his arms behind his head and stretching. “I need to sleep,” he said. “With the election so close now, I’m not doing very much of that.”
“But you’re going to win,” Sadie said, her tone confident.
“You are,” Kate agreed.
Both women looked at Connor. “You are,” he said, and he wasn’t just saying that to stroke his brother’s ego. He was the best choice for the county; there was no question about that.
Eli was a professional at sacrifice. He had sacrificed for Kate when he’d been a teenager. Had sacrificed his safety when he’d agreed to wear the uniform. And Connor knew, and never took for granted, the fact that Eli had sacrificed by being the one to come and tell him about Jessie’s accident. Connor knew that no one in the department would have ever asked it of him. But Connor also knew that Eli would have never given the responsibility to anyone else.
For those reasons, and for so many more, Connor knew his brother was the man Logan County needed as its sheriff.
“Well, I appreciate the votes of confidence. Just make sure they’re also physical votes on election day.”
“Are you kidding? I’m going to go stand by the ballot drop boxes with my shirt off and my chest painted,” Connor said. “A big painting of your face.”
“I will arrest you. And I’m not joking,” Eli said, lacing his fingers through Sadie’s and heading toward the door.
Kate stood up and followed after them, offering him a goodbye wave.
“Goodbye, Connor,” Sadie said as they headed out, shutting the door behind them.
And he was left alone again, by himself and in his big empty house.
But that was about to change.
Disquiet lodged itself in his gut. He’d had quite enough change over the past few years, and this was more of it.
But he wouldn’t be alone. He was really fucking tired of being alone.
But he was alone now so he took another beer out of the ice bucket. A couple more drinks would help drown out the silence. Would help him fall asleep.
And there was no one here to tell him no.
* * *
“I THINK I SOLVED my rental problem,” Liss said, sliding a paper clip onto a stack of papers and looking up at Jeanette, her coworker, who sat at the desk opposite her.
“You found someone to rent to you?” Jeanette asked, licking an envelope and smoothing it closed.
“Not exactly. But Connor has a lot of empty rooms, and he’s agreed to let me stay with him until I can find a place.”
Jeanette arched a dark brow and looked to the left to make sure no one else was lingering nearby. Maria and Sandra were the only others in the office today, but the older women didn’t necessarily enjoy listening to her and Jeanette gossip. “Is this fine-ass Connor? The one with the bulging forearms and very delicious tattoo? Your friend? The one who’s been by to pick you up from work a few times?”
Jeanette had been in town for only a couple of years, so she didn’t know everyone’s life or life story in as much detail as most of the locals did.
Liss cleared her throat. “Yes, that Connor.”
“Get it, girl.”
Liss’s face burned, and she knew full well that she was blushing. “There will be no getting of it. He’s just helping me out. And he really is just a friend.”
Jeanette frowned. “Sorry. I did not imagine for one second that you were really only just friends with a man who looked like that. I just thought you were slow on the rebound after that jerk left.” Jeanette never remembered Marshall’s name, or at least, she pretended she didn’t remember his name. Because Jeanette was a goddess like that.
“It’s not like that with us. I was really good friends with his wife. Him, too. But Jessie and I were friends for...years and...well, that would be weird. And you know. Too much baggage.”
It was a refrain she had repeated to herself often.
“Yeah, that makes sense. That’s a lot of history.”
“A book full of it. That’s the problem with small towns,” Liss said, sighing heavily. “There’s history everywhere. That is perhaps why I’ve been single for so long.” Except she knew it wasn’t just that.
“Thankfully, I came with a man in tow.” Jeanette and her husband, Tom, had been married for five years, and Tom had come to Copper Ridge to work as a fisherman.
“It was a better plan than mine. Which was to grow up here, never leave and ensure every man in my age group knew me far too well to see me as anything other than a friend. I’m thinking Copper Ridge could almost single-handedly cause a boom in the mail-order-husband market. Maybe I could get myself a nice biddable Russian groom. One who would chop wood and open jars for me.”
“Let me know how that works out. I might sign up.” Jeanette winked and pushed a stack of papers beneath a hole punch, pressing it down firmly. “Not that I need another husband. It would just be nice to have someone around the house to do hard labor when Tom is out on the boat.”
“I could really start something here. A nice little secondary career.” Liss stuck the papers she was holding into a file. “Of course, I think living with Connor is going to be my secondary career.”
“If it’s rent-free...”
“It is.”
“And comes with a very handsome roommate,” Jeanette said, smiling.
“Yes. A cranky, high-maintenance, handsome roommate.”
“That’s what they call a fixer-upper.”
“I think when I put out my ad for my mail-order husband, I’m going to request a man who’s turnkey.”
Jeanette laughed. “Good luck with that. They all come with baggage. Even the good ones.” She pushed a couple buttons on her computer then paused. “Actually, especially the good ones. It’s the ones who have been through a lot and come out the other side that are really worth it in the end.”
Liss let Jeanette’s words hang there for a moment, willing them to just roll off, hoping they wouldn’t sink in. Because she didn’t need to harbor any more false hope where Connor was concerned.
Finally, she responded. “Great. I’ll let you know when he comes out the other side. Although, it still won’t be like that.”
“Whatever you say, Liss. Whatever you say.”
Liss’s cell phone vibrated against the surface of her desk. Her landlord’s number flashed over the screen and she frowned, answering the phone as quickly as possible. “Sorry,” she said to Jeanette, grabbing the phone and picking it up, answering quickly. “Hello?”
“Hi, Liss?” Marjorie asked, before plowing into the rest of her sentence. “Our buyer is very motivated to move. In fact, they really need a place to stay, so if we can’t clear out the house fast enough for them, they might look somewhere else. They’re able to pay cash, so they’re very mobile, and this is moving very quickly. I’m sorry to inconvenience you, but if you are able to move out as quickly as possible, I would really appreciate it. I know what your rights are legally, but I thought I would just talk to you personally.”
Of course, because this was Copper Ridge, and your landlord was never just your landlord; they became your friend, too. So when they overasked of you, it was impossible to say no. That was the economy of a small town. Everyone knew they could borrow help if need be, and interest was paid in small favors and homemade pies.
But then, her landlord had not become a good enough friend to refuse to ask something like this of Liss. Of course, she also knew Marjorie would never push or throw her out on the street or anything.
“It just so happens that I lined up a place to stay last night. And I can move in whenever.” She thought of Connor and his house, and her stomach did something weird. Kind of a twist and turn at the same time.
Marjorie breathed out an audible sigh of relief right into Liss’s ear. “If you could start moving out this weekend, it would be really helpful. I just don’t want the sale to fall through. Norm and I are much better off in Arizona, and the sooner we can cut ties with everything here, the better. It isn’t that I don’t love the town, but my joints don’t love the damp.”
“I understand.” Even though she didn’t, really.
“Thank you, Liss. You’ve been a great tenant.” Most especially since Marshall had moved out, but Liss didn’t say it. “Most especially since that boyfriend of yours moved out.” Oh, so Marjorie was going to go ahead and say it. “I hate to lose you, but I’m just too old to be managing properties and going back and forth between places. And if we have to hire a company...”
Liss let her mind wander. She’d heard Marjorie’s hand-wringing on the subject already. She was agreeing to move out; she didn’t know why she needed to subject herself to her landlord’s woes. Which was potentially a little bit unsympathetic, but she was the one who was being massively inconvenienced, so maybe not.
“Okay, sweetie, I’ve got to go,” Marjorie said.
“Okay, talk to you later.” Liss hung up and set her phone on the table. She looked up at Jeanette. “Is it okay if I make one more personal call?”
Jeanette waved a hand. “I’m not the warden. Do your business.”
Liss picked her phone up and dialed Connor’s cell phone number. He still had a flip phone, and half the time it didn’t ring, but it was still worth a try, because she knew he was out in the field right now, rather than at home.
Much to her very pleasant surprise, Connor answered on the second ring. “Liss?”
“Hi, Connor. I just wanted to say...I guess I’m moving in this weekend.”
“I guess I’ll be at your house early Saturday with a truck.” He sounded a little bit dazed, and she couldn’t blame him. She felt a little bit dazed.
“I’ll be waiting. With groceries. As per the agreement.”
“All right, then, Saturday.”
“Saturday,” she repeated, before hanging the phone up.
It wasn’t that big of a deal. It wasn’t a deal at all.
Maybe if she repeated that to herself a few more times she would start to believe it.
CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_41de6532-f2e6-574d-acfd-55a3053f5148)
IT WAS MOVING DAY. Connor had to be at Liss’s house by nine. Which meant he’d been out on his horse by six. The morning air had a mean bite, but he didn’t mind. The needle pokes of wind against his skin, combined with the pounding of his horse’s hooves on the soft ground, went a long way in wiping his mind clean.
Connor rode through the empty field, clumps of mud and grass flying up behind him, hitting the back of his shirt. The clearing was flanked by a grove of trees on the left, and a steep, evergreen-covered pitch of rock on the right. The sky above was filled with gray, misty clouds that seemed to be rolling down toward earth, swallowing the tops of the mountains that surrounded the ranch.
This was morning here in Copper Ridge. All shades of deep green, blue and gray. Until the sun came out and burned the cloud cover away, flooding the ranch with golden light, drawing the scent of dirt, moss, pine out, then washing it all with an ocean breeze. For Connor this was as close to spiritual as it got. Being in this place, this town, where vast stretches of water met vast open land. Where all the essential sources of life were ready and available. This place was in his blood, in his soul.
This land had been here before him, before his family had fenced it, cultivating it, but never taming it. To the best of his ability he would see it was here long after he was gone. In his mind, progress could never mean man-made development on land like this. Progress would be when people realized that everything they needed was already here.
He ignored the hollow ache in his stomach that was trying to remind him even here, even now, he felt a little bit empty.
That even now, with the golden sunlight poured over the evergreen trees, he felt cold down to his soul. That no matter how bright the light shone, it never seemed to touch him.
He ignored that, because there was nothing he could do with it.
He pulled back on the reins, bringing his horse to a stop, taking a moment to survey his surroundings. It was still here. It was early enough in the morning that even the wind was still. It was the kind of vast silence that would swallow up the sound of a man’s voice, consuming it as if he had never spoken.
One man wasn’t powerful enough to disturb beauty like this. It made him feel small, and consequently it made some of his problems feel a lot smaller.
He dismounted from his horse, dropping the reins and leaving her standing there. He walked forward, toward the middle of the clearing, and looked up. For the first time he saw a small patch of blue sky, a ray of sun bursting through.
He closed his eyes, keeping his face angled upward, letting the warmth seep through his skin, praying it would reach his bones.
It didn’t. But it hit him just then that this was the first morning he had woken up without a hangover in quite a while. He hadn’t had a drink last night. He’d been too focused on what it would mean to bring Liss into the house.
He opened his eyes and looked at the sun, and his head didn’t hurt.
All things considered, he figured it would be a pretty good moving day.
* * *
THEY’D ATTACKED THE PROJECT of moving Liss much like a barn raising. All hands on deck, finished by the end of the day. Ultimately, nothing was left undone except for a few empty boxes still in need of disposal, and paper plates with the remnants of pizza, along with a few empty beer bottles, stationed throughout Connor’s house. Of course, there hadn’t been much to move into the house itself.
A bedroom’s worth of furniture, and all her clothes, books and a few kitchen gadgets she hadn’t been willing to part with.
Everything else had gone into a vacant outbuilding on the Garrett property. Which was going to save her a lot in storage fees. Between letting her borrow space on the ranch, space in Connor’s house and the use of their muscles—including Jack’s—Liss was starting to feel as if she was taking an awful lot.
And that feeling, that feeling of being in debt to somebody else, always made her feel uncomfortable. She felt as though it forced her to keep a running tally on what she had contributed versus what someone else had contributed. Because she never wanted to be on the wrong side of that balance.
She took a deep breath and tried to banish the tightness in her chest. The moving crew, comprised of Eli, Sadie, Kate, Jeanette and Jack, had all gone home, leaving her there in her new space, with her new roommate.
She took a deep breath and walked over to the kitchen sink, looking out at the wall of trees that stood between the house and the mountains. It didn’t feel weird to be here. Of course, she didn’t know why she had thought it might. Well, she supposed it was because she was living here now, instead of visiting. But then, she was much more than a casual visitor. Always had been. Even more so in recent years. Because she was bringing him food, having dinner with him, trying to prevent him from drinking himself into a stupor every night, which she had managed with mixed success.
It didn’t feel weird at all to be standing here. No, it felt comfortable. This would be comfortable. Yes, comfortable. Like a broken-in pair of boots. Like a late-July afternoon on the hiking trails that wound through the mountains and beneath a canopy of trees.
That kind of comfy.
She heard footsteps behind her, and she turned.
Connor shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocked back on his heels. “You need anything?” he asked.
“No. Still full from the pizza.”
“I know there’s no bathroom right off your bedroom. But I figure you can have that one that’s nearby in the hall. I only use the one off my bedroom.”
She’d kept all of her toiletries in her travel case. She just hadn’t felt comfortable unloading makeup and hair-care products all over a common area. There was moving in, and then there was invading. “Only if you’re sure. I don’t mind keeping that stuff in my room.”
“No way. That’s not practical at all. Just unload it all in there. As far as I’m concerned this is your place, too. I mean, it’s mainly my place, but we’re sharing. Seventy-thirty.”
She laughed. “Generous.”
“Yeah, I think so. Come on, though. This place is huge. I basically have a trail worn between my bedroom and the kitchen, and I hardly go anywhere else. I spend most of my day outside working. Of course, that means I barely clean any room in the house, so I’m sorry about that.”
“Well, I kept my house clean. I have no problem transferring that to here. Honestly, you have no idea how much I’ve been wanting to wipe down your cabinets.”
A lopsided smile curved his mouth. “That kind of sounds dirty.”
“Wiping down your cabinets?” she asked, barely suppressing a grin. “I don’t even want to know what that could be.”
“Do you know what I want?”
She narrowed her eyes. “What?”
“Pie.”
“That had better not be euphemistic pie.” The line of conversation was making her feel strange. A little bit light-headed.
“No, this is literal pie.” He walked to the fridge and opened the door, pulling out a white bakery box and setting it on the island in the center of the kitchen. “Remember Alison? She made those pies for the Fourth of July thing. You know, then my barn burned down and Eli ran her husband off the property.”
“Oh, yes, I vaguely remember that night,” she said drily.
“Anyway, she’s selling pies independently, not just baking for the diner. Because she left her husband right after the thing.”
“Did she?”
“Yep. So I hear from Sadie. It’s not the kind of gossip I would keep up on on my own.” He opened the box and shrugged a shoulder. “Still, I figure it’s nice to help support someone starting a new life.”
Connor being Connor, he was downplaying anything even remotely nice about what he had done. “That’s very thoughtful of you,” she said, moving closer to examine the dessert that was in the box.
“I got pie in exchange for my good deed. I think that nullifies the good deed. My reward is pie.”
“And what variety of pie are we talking?”
“Marionberry.”
“Excellent reward. Do you have ice cream?”
Connor looked up at her, handsome face contorted into an expression of horror. “And whipped cream. I know I might seem uncivilized, but even I have some boundaries.”
“You’re a god among men, Connor Garrett. You have saved me from homelessness—or at least living with my mother—and you’ve given me pie.”
“You can begin paying me back by getting out some plates,” he said.
“Will do.”
She made herself busy getting out plates, ice cream and the whipped cream, which was in the fridge as promised. Apparently, Connor could grocery shop when dessert was involved. Well, dessert or alcohol.
She brought the plates over, and Connor put one piece on each, a very generous-sized piece, because Connor knew she didn’t mess around with desserts.
He didn’t even ask if she wanted the pie warm, because he knew better than that. He put each piece in the microwave for about thirty seconds, and when they were done, she was waiting with a scoop of vanilla ice cream for each.
They both dove right into their pie, eating wordlessly, exchanging looks during bites. “This is good,” Liss said when she was halfway through with her piece.
“Understatement,” Connor said around a mouthful.
“I don’t even know why we bothered to put pieces on the plates. We should’ve just eaten straight out of the box.”
“Because it takes longer to heat up a whole pie?”
“Yeah, good point.” Liss’s thoughts turned to Alison. “So, is Alison still working at the diner?”
“Search me,” Connor said. “I just know she’s trying to make a business out of the baking. It’s hard to start over.”
“You would know.”
“It’s not really the same.”
“Sure it is,” she said, taking another bite as if she could stuff her statement right back into her mouth. She should not be pushing him on this topic, and she knew that.
“No, it’s not the same. She was married to an asshole. She very rightly chose to end that marriage, and because of that finds herself with increased options in life. I didn’t make any choices about changing my life. It just changed.”
But you could make some now. She did not say that out loud. “Fine. But you are still in a new chapter of your life.”
“I should have put that book down a few chapters ago, then. Called it good.”
Liss’s stomach pitched. “I really hope that wasn’t supposed to mean what I think it did.” Right now she was ready to hit him in the face with her pie plate.
“What do you think it meant?”
“I hope you don’t think you should’ve stopped living. Because I don’t want to think about that. Connor, Jessie was one of my best friends. I know it isn’t the same as being married to somebody. I do. But I can’t think about losing you, too. I just can’t. I can’t lose both of you.”
“That’s not what I meant, Liss. I didn’t really mean anything by it.”
“Don’t say things you don’t mean.”
“Sorry, honey. I guess you missed the memo about me being a gigantic bastard.”
Liss sighed. “You are not a bastard. You do a very good impression of one, but I know you aren’t one. Case in point, I am standing in your kitchen with you eating dessert. Your kitchen, that is now my kitchen, too. Because you gave me a place to stay when I needed one. Because you are actually kind of a kick-ass friend. And a good man who buys charitable pies. So enough with the bastard talk.”
“I think you’re the only one who still thinks I’m decent, but I’ll take it.”
Her eyes met his, dark, enticing, with a hint of bitterness, like a coffee bean. Her heart squeezed tight, and she looked down. She didn’t know why this happened sometimes. Why she could stand there and talk to him and feel perfectly appropriate, neutral friendship feelings that she would have while speaking to someone like Jeanette. And then suddenly she would look at him, and things would change. Her breath would catch in her throat, her heart doing tricks. And in those moments he was the furthest thing from just a friend. In those moments he wasn’t just anything. He was everything.
“You are more than decent. And don’t argue with me. Anyway, maybe we should talk about what I can help you with around here?”
“You’re very effectively helping me demolish this pie. That’s appreciated.”
“I will be sure to add pie demolition to my résumé. But beyond helping you reduce the snack foods in your house, I’d like to help. Cleaning for sure, because that benefits me, too. I already do your accounting. But if there’s any other paperwork that you have, I’d be happy to help. I know that Jessie used to handle a lot of the admin.” She had already invoked Jessie’s name once in the past few minutes so she might as well do it again.
“Yeah, I’m pretty behind on some things, I can’t lie about that.” Connor braced his hands on the island, and her gaze was drawn to them. He had nice hands. Strong, square, masculine. He had never worn a wedding ring all that often. The kind of work that he did made the little gold band a hazard. More than one rancher had lost a finger by getting a wedding ring caught on an animal or a tractor. But she was still surprised that he’d taken it off and never put it back on again. In so many other ways she could see he was holding on tightly to the past, but not in that way. Of course, that wasn’t something you asked about. He sighed heavily. “I would like to lie about that. I pretty much do lie about it to Eli.”
“But what’s the point of lying to him? He would just want to help.”
“Yeah, that’s the thing. He wouldn’t be able to help himself. He would jump right in. And then he would resent me for it. And it’s not the resentment I’d mind so much, it’s the fact that he should have his own life. And I shouldn’t be interfering in it with all of my shit.”
“He’s your brother, though. Your shit is his shit.”
“It’s been that way for too long, Liss. I’m not going to do that to him anymore. He has Sadie now, and I just know he’s going to marry her. He’s got to make a family with her. And he should be free to do that. He’s been dealing with other people’s messes for way too long. I don’t need him to do it with mine.”
“That’s what family does. We clean up each other’s messes, because it’s better to do that than to not have family at all.” At least that was what she often told herself, because Madeleine Foster was a mess and a half. And Liss had spent a very good portion of her life cleaning up those messes. She was all in trying to keep her mother happy. Trying to prove her worth. But over the past few years it had started to wear on her. It was an insatiable well she could continue to pour into forever and never satisfy. Never get the one thing she was actually after.
“That’s why you’re good family to have.”
She wondered for a second if he was going to hug her again, like he’d done the other day. Stupid, but that hug was burned into her consciousness. There had been something about it, something that differentiated it from the hugs they’d shared before. It had left her warm and a little bit breathless. Or, more to the point, it had left her a little bit turned on. She’d had a very restless night that night.
All things considered, she really shouldn’t want another hug from him. But she did. Base creature that she was.
It was sort of the story of her life. Stealing a few cheap thrills now and again from innocuous Connor contact. Oh, she didn’t mean to. She didn’t mean to let sparks fly through her veins when his fingers brushed against hers, didn’t mean to go weak-kneed when he smiled and caught her eyes. It was involuntary. And unnecessary. But it happened all the same.
“Well, I’m happy to be your family.” She took a step backward, just in case he did intend to hug her. She needed to curb that before it happened. Because sanity. Because even though her reactions to him were involuntary, and in some ways not entirely unpleasant, it did not mean she had to encourage them. Because, as he just said, he felt all familial toward her. And it was what he needed from her. He did not need her getting gooey over hugs. “If you could leave me a list of things you want to look at tomorrow, I’ll go over it when I get up in the morning and get started.”
“I don’t want you to spend your Sunday doing chores for me.”
“And I want to start as I mean to go on. These are chores. I want to help you. I think I’ve made that perfectly clear by showing up once every couple of weeks with groceries. And by bringing you food so you don’t starve and die.”
“You were sharing that responsibility with Eli.”
“Sure. But I called and reminded him most of the time. Anyway, just leave me a list, and tomorrow I’ll get started.”
“Okay, but I’m afraid you’re going to regret this a little bit.”
She laughed. “Maybe. But that’s future Liss’s problem. Present Liss is going to skip off to bed with a full stomach and not worry about it.”
He shook his head. “Fine, but when future Liss becomes present Liss she’s going to be cursing past Liss.”
“Maybe. But I’ll worry about that tomorrow.”
Yes, this was going to be comfortable. Comfortable, indeed. And as Liss settled into her new bedroom, she knew that she had made the right decision. She was going to be just fine.
CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_950a5c22-1175-5abb-8298-7e07200f36e3)
BY THE TIME Connor got back to the house Sunday night he was tired, dirty and grumpier than a bear with his ass stuck in a beehive. All he wanted to do was grab a beer, sit in front of the TV and pass out.
The damn cows had collapsed the fence on the far end of the property and had ended up scattering into BLM land. It had taken multiple four-wheelers and men to get the craven beasts back where they belonged.
Steak. He wanted steak. That was the other thing he wanted.
He had a feeling it wasn’t a coincidence, considering how obnoxious the damn cows were.
He remembered the list he had left on the counter for Liss that morning, and he perked up slightly. With any luck, the kitchen would be cleaner, and his paperwork would be done. And probably, just because she was Liss, she would’ve made dinner, too. After all, she had to eat, and she had worked all day.
By the time he walked through the entryway and into the kitchen he was almost smiling.
But there was no warm, inviting smell of a home-cooked dinner. Neither was Liss in the kitchen, prancing around in an apron and high heels. He had no idea why he was picturing her wearing that, since he had never seen her wear any such thing; he only knew he had pictured it.
What he had not imagined was Liss storming into the kitchen, barefoot, and wearing jeans and a T-shirt, scowling at him like he’d just voiced his desire to have found her cooking in high heels out loud. “We need to talk.”
“Do we?” he asked, walking to the fridge, opening it, hunting for a beer. He was in trouble, and he wasn’t sure why. He was rarely in trouble with Liss, and Lord knew he had probably earned some that she had never doled out. But as far as he knew he hadn’t done anything wrong today. In fact, all he had done today was work hard and come home to a frowning woman. That was one thing about marriage he had not missed.
“Yes, we do. I was doing that paperwork that you asked me to take care of.”
He arched a brow. “You got a paper cut?”
“I wish, Connor, I wish.”
“I told you it was going to be a pain. You said you wanted to do it.”
“The thing is, Connor, it was not a pain.” She was saying his name a lot. The amount of times she used his name in a sentence seemed directly related to how pissed she was. “Connor, it took me about five minutes to deal with. There were just a few things that needed to be clarified and refilled out. In order for you to get your insurance money. You got the paperwork more than a month ago. I saw the date that was stamped on it. Why didn’t you send it?”
Well, that explained why he was in trouble. He hadn’t realized a whole month had passed since he’d last spoken with the claims office. But in his defense, he hadn’t really thought it was a simple fix. In fact, every time he thought about doing it, a hard knot of stress started to form in his stomach, and he broke out into a cold sweat. So he went and did something else. Anything else. And okay, it might have been easier than he’d imagined it would be, but there was no way it had taken her only a few minutes to do the task.
“I don’t know,” he said, because right then he honestly didn’t.
“That’s not a very good answer. In fact, it isn’t the answer.”
“It’s an answer. It’s the only one I have. I don’t know why I didn’t finish it. It just... Every time I thought about doing it, I didn’t.”
“Connor, this is the only way you’re going to get your barn built. You led me to believe, me and everyone else, that the insurance company was dragging their feet. But they didn’t have all the paperwork because you didn’t do it.”
“I didn’t ask you to get in my face about what you found in the house. I just asked you to take care of it. That too difficult?”
Liss crossed her arms beneath her breasts. “Yes, it is too difficult. I want to understand what’s going on.”
“There isn’t anything going on. I just didn’t get it done.”
“That’s bullshit, Connor. You even had it signed. You just needed to finish the body of the paperwork. All I had to do was fax it over today, and it’s being processed. It was that simple.”
“It wasn’t simple.” He slammed the refrigerator door shut and dragged his fingers through his hair. “Obviously, if it was simple I would’ve done it.”
“But you didn’t. Somehow, I managed.”
“Yeah, well,” he said, throwing his arms out, “I guess I just wonder what the point is. Everything I build, every single thing, just ends up getting destroyed. If I get the money it would just burn, too. Or maybe I would rebuild the barn, and then what? Is it going to be safe?”
His heart was thundering hard, his hands feeling a little bit shaky. He hadn’t realized the outburst was coming until it was over. But he realized, as soon as he had said the words, that they were true.
This ranch had been in his family for generations. And if there was one thing every generation of Garretts had in common, it was loss. When they loved someone, that someone left. When they loved something, it got destroyed. Connor had loved a lot of things. He had added one major bit of himself to this operation, the barn, and it had burned to the ground.
How many more signs from God did he need before he just stopped trying? A guy would have to be a damn hardheaded fool to not realize when things just weren’t going to grow where he planted them.
“You don’t really think that’s going to happen, do you?” Liss asked, her eyes full of concern. She’d looked at him like that twice in the past couple of days. Like he was crazy, like she wanted to hug him and slap him at the same time.
“There are no guarantees.” And she couldn’t argue with him about that. Because he knew it was true. He knew it was true more than anyone. “That barn was something that Jessie and I both wanted for this ranch. I dreamed about something like that. I hated that I had to get it through tragedy. With the money from my old man dying. Hell, who would want that? But I had it. Eli, Kate, they gave their share so that I could have that. So that we can take this ranch and make it better. And then Jessie died, and all of my plans went to shit. Because it doesn’t matter anymore.”
It was hard to describe the kind of desolation he had felt when he lost Jessie. The way the future felt as if it had been erased. But then, there was more to all that than he could tell Liss. More to all of it than he could ever tell anyone.
Because everyone had grieved with him over Jessie’s death. He didn’t want to add to it.
“Connor, I know you’ve been through hell. I remember what a big deal it was to you to have that barn built in the first place. How bittersweet it was, because of your dad. I was there. I remember how excited you were, how excited Jessie was. I remember all of your plans. I know all of those dreams that you had are still somewhere inside of you.”
Pain washed over him, through him. Because he wished what she was saying was true. The simple fact was that those dreams were gone. Dead and buried. He was just doing his best to get through the day. To work the ranch.
The fact that he got up every morning and did his work was about the only thing that separated him from his dad.
The thought was like spikes of barbed wire pushed under his fingernails. He wasn’t like his dad. Michael Garrett had checked out of his children’s lives completely when his wife had left. Leaving the ranch to rot, leaving his kids to take care of themselves, while he drank himself into a stupor on the couch.
Connor took care of the ranch. Connor didn’t have children to neglect.
He rubbed his hand over his heart, trying to ease the intense pain that was spreading from there and moving outward.
“I don’t really have dreams anymore,” he said, feeling stupid talking about this. He wasn’t the kind of guy to drag his feelings out into the open and examine them. He didn’t even like to examine them by himself, under the cover of darkness.
“That’s not what I want for you,” she said, her tone all sad and desperate.
“I can’t... I can’t.” She looked down, blinking rapidly. Great, he had made Liss cry. “Don’t cry for me, Liss. I don’t even cry for myself.”
“Then somebody should cry for you,” she said, looking back up at him, her eyes shining.
“No way. Cry over something that’s worth it. Cry over puppies that are left in the pound, and ice cream scoops that fall off ice cream cones. But don’t cry over me.”
“I can’t make any promises. Connor, the money is going to come soon now. Promise me that you’ll get the barn rebuilt. Or go to Hawaii.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “No, get the barn rebuilt.”
“Why, because Jessie wanted it?”
“No, because you wanted it.”
He had wanted it, though he could barely remember wanting much of anything. Could barely remember being the man he’d been three years ago, ready to start a new phase of his life, everything stretching ahead of him all bright and sunny and new. Instead of a wasteland of routine, of loneliness and grief that never seemed to ease no matter how much time passed, no matter how much he drank.
“It’s hard to remember back that far. Or at least it’s difficult to remember why I cared.”
“You cared because this ranch is in your blood. It still is, Connor. I know it is.”
“Right now the ranch is just under my skin. I spent hours trying to get damn cows back into their pens. Not coincidentally I want to eat a hamburger.”
Liss clapped her hands together. “Right. So let’s make the hamburger happen. The question is, do we want to go to Ace’s? Or the diner?”
“I sort of feel like throwing sharp things at a corkboard. So I vote for Ace’s.”
This was good. If they went out, there would be no more chance for talking. Because there would be too much laughing, and drinking and interacting with people who weren’t him. So Liss wouldn’t be able to hold him under the microscope to the same degree she just had. Their conversation had gone to way too much of a navel-gazing place.
Liss pulled a bright pink rubber band from around her wrist and quickly swept her hair up into a ponytail. “I should just go put some makeup on.”
“What do you need makeup for?”
“If the barn needs painting, you have to paint it, right?”
He stood and stared at Liss, standing there fresh-faced, and damn pretty in his opinion, and puzzled over why she would need painting. “Natural wood is good, too,” he said, somewhat lamely. He was bad at complimenting people. He was out of practice. Not that he’d been all that good at it even when he was in practice.
“Thank you,” she said, her cheeks coloring a little bit. “I think I will at least add a little bit of stain, though. I don’t know. This metaphor has gotten weird.”
“Okay, you go paint. I’m going to hop in the shower because I smell. I’ll only be about five minutes.”
* * *
THE BAR WAS CROWDED, as per usual on a Sunday night. It was very likely most of the town had gone from church straight to drinking. But likely it was needed to get them through the workweek that lay ahead.
But in spite of the impending doom of Monday, the atmosphere was exuberant. Country music was playing over the jukebox, almost every table filled, a small crowd gathered by the dartboards. Some people were still in coveralls, wearing the evidence of the day’s labor, while some were still in suits and ties, evidence of labor of a different sort.
All the bits and pieces of Copper Ridge collided here, and it was easy to see why.
The whole bar had a rustic feel to it, knotted wood on the floor and on the walls, exposed beams on the ceiling. There was half a red rowboat mounted to the ceiling, old fishing nets spilling out of it. It was everything a coastal hole-in-the-wall needed. And, in defiance of its hole-in-the-wall appearance, it had darn fine food.
“You know what you want?” Connor asked.
“Fish-and-chips. Tartar sauce and malt vinegar.”
He nodded once. “Snag a table, will you?”
“Sure. Just a Diet Coke to drink.”
He nodded again, walking over to the bar. She couldn’t help but watch him go. He had put on a plaid button-up shirt, pushed the sleeves past his elbows, revealing that tattoo that fascinated her so much, and the muscles that fascinated her equally.
Only Connor knew what the tattoo meant. He’d come back home one Saturday with the start of it and finished it over the next few weeks. But he’d never said anything about it. And she had never asked. Because the omission was so glaring, it had to be purposeful.
So she let him have it. But after today, she was starting to think she let him have a few too many omissions.
She’d been livid when she’d discovered the paperwork. But then he’d said all those things, and her heart squeezed tight, and all the anger had sort of leaked out and drained away.
And it was impossible to be mad at him now, as he was ordering her food and standing there with his broad back filling her vision, slim waist tapering down to slim hips and... Well, there was no use denying the fact that it was a damn fine ass.
Her cheeks got hot, and she looked down at her hands. She was not going to keep staring at him. Not like that.
She looked up again when he pulled his chair out and sat across from her. He set her Diet Coke down in front of her, his own hand wrapped around a dark brown beer bottle. “Food will be up in a minute.”
“Good,” she said, “I’m starving.”
She looked up, behind Connor, and saw a group of three women, all bleached blonde, all much more made up than she was, staring Connor down. Blonde number one leaned over and whispered something to blonde number two, who then turned her focus to Liss, her frosted-pink lip curling upward into a sneer.
Well, Liss had clearly been measured and found wanting.
Blonde number three tossed her hair over her shoulder and stuck her chest out, as if she was gearing up to go on a mission. And her mission seemed to pertain to Connor.
Oh, dammit. They were headed this way. All of them were headed this way. They made their way up to the table, one moving to Connor’s left, the other two standing on his right. “Hi.” The one Liss had arbitrarily dubbed number three spoke first. “My friends and I had a question.”
Connor looked up, a crease between his brows, his lips pulled down into a frown. “Yes?”
He looked so confused, it was almost cute.
“We were just wondering if your table mate here is your girlfriend or your sister?”
Liss sputtered.
Connor’s frown deepened. “You came all the way over here to ask me that?”
Number three, whom Liss clearly should’ve named number one, reached out and touched Connor’s forearm. Ran her manicured fingertips over the vines of his tattoo. Rage burned in Liss’s chest. She’d never done that. She had never touched his tattoo, and some random woman was trailing her fingertips over the ink on his skin.
“It seemed important,” she said, winking at him. Her eyelashes were fake. Liss was certain.
“She lives with me,” he said, turning his attention back to his beer.
“Doesn’t really answer my question,” Blondie said.
“I don’t see why I should,” he said, his tone uncompromising.
The woman rolled her eyes and gestured to her friends to move on. “Sorry you aren’t in the mood to play, honey,” she said, her parting shot as she wiggled back over to the other side of the bar.
Liss snorted. “Can you believe that?”
“What?”
“Obviously, they did not think I was pretty enough to be your girlfriend.”
“I don’t see why they cared.”
She arched a brow. “Do you really not see?”
He shook his head. “Not really.”
Liss looked closely at his face to see if he was being serious. “Because she was hitting on you. Now, I don’t think my being your girlfriend would’ve deterred her, but I think she wanted to insult me first.”
He waved his hand. “I doubt she was hitting on me.”
“Yes, she was. Women must hit on you all the time.”
“Maybe.” He shrugged, the gesture more uncomfortable than casual. “I don’t really care.”
She should not be happy to hear that. She should be concerned. “You don’t care at all?”
“I’m not in the market for anything.”
“That woman was not in the market for a relationship, Connor. She just wanted...you know, naked stuff.”
“I’m not really in the market for that right now.”
She should not be happy about that, and she should not be interested in exploring the topic further. “Not at all?”
“No. And don’t try to change my mind. You said that you were going to support me being where I wanted to be. Eli has already pushed me about it. Jack won’t shut up about it.”
“I just... I figured...”
One of the new waitresses, someone Liss didn’t know, set their food down in front of them. Both in red baskets, piled high with french fries. “What did you figure?” Connor asked, eating a fry.
“Well, I figured at this point you would be in the market for that. If you had not...gone to market already, so to speak.”
“I don’t have enough energy to fill out my insurance paperwork. Why would you think I had the energy to screw somebody?” He took the top bun off his hamburger and started squirting ketchup on the patty.
Her stomach twisted, and she did her best not to examine it. “Because, typically, it’s something people make time for.” She should talk, since she’d been single for two years, and there had been no screwing.
Connor shrugged and took a bite of his hamburger. “I didn’t come here to get a psychological evaluation. I came here to take out my rage on the cows by eating their brethren. So we can drop the subject now.” He set the hamburger down and looked at his thumb, which had a spot of ketchup on it.
He raised his thumb to his lips and licked the red sauce from his skin. The sight of his tongue moving over bare flesh, even his own flesh, sent an arrow of longing straight down between Liss’s thighs.
“Okay, fair enough.” Yes, she was more than happy to abandon this line of conversation.
“Hey, guys.”
Liss looked up, and Connor looked behind him, to see Jack standing there. “Mind if I pull up a chair?”
“Please,” she said. Anything to break the weirdness of this moment. Why were things weird? Was it because she had moved in?
“Glad you’re here, Jack,” Connor said. “As soon as I finish eating, I’d love to kick your ass at darts.”
“You’re welcome to try.”
Jack joining the group added an air of familiarity, of normalcy. A much-needed injection of it, after the roiling jealousy she’d experienced watching Connor get hit on, and the flash of heat that had assaulted her only moments later.
She had to get a grip. Because, like Connor said, he was in no place to hook up. And even if he were, it wouldn’t be with her.
She wouldn’t want it to be her, anyway. Some things in life are too important to screw up with sex. Her friendship with Connor was one of them. She had decided that years ago, and other than one brief lapse, a few months where she had thought things might be changing between them, she had always thought that.
It was true then; it was true now.
Connor was the best friend she’d ever had, and she would do anything to protect that friendship. Anything.
CHAPTER SIX (#ulink_e3f59eec-c938-54de-a79b-0cf7d551d280)
CONNOR WAS GETTING a late start to the day. Fortunately, his team was good, and he knew that the animals would be taken care of. Still, he hated oversleeping. But he, Jack and Liss had stayed way too late at Ace’s last night, flinging darts at the board, laughing about stupid stuff and in general ignoring the reality of life.
Reality that had slapped him in the face pretty hard this morning when his alarm had gone off. It wasn’t just the fact that they had stayed at the bar late. Once they’d made it home, Connor had had a hell of a time sleeping. It had been as if something was sitting on his chest, making it impossible to breathe, impossible to do anything but lie there, sweat beading on his brow, panic rising in his throat.
Not for the first time, he wished he had accepted medication for his anxiety.
But when the doctor had offered it a couple of years back, Connor had just laughed it off and said he didn’t need a pill when a beer would do the job. But he was getting tired of the hangovers. He was tired of the anxiety, too. Hell, he was tired of all this shit. He would never have thought he’d be the kind of guy to become a head case over a little grief. Or a lot of grief.
It seemed as if he might be, though.
I don’t have enough energy to fill out my insurance paperwork. Why would you think I had the energy to screw somebody?
A flash of last night’s conversation popped into his mind. Had he really said that to Liss? Yeah, he had. He didn’t suppose it was normal to still be this tired. To still be this overwhelmed by what was left. But then, there was nothing normal about losing your entire future. All of your plans. Everything you were.
The finality was the worst part. It just happened. Unexpected, fast. Jessie had gone out to visit with her friends. A normal night, nothing unusual at all.
And she hadn’t come home.
Just like that, every plan for the future gone.
And he was sort of stubbornly sitting here in the present, afraid to plan for a future he’d never wanted in the first place. One where he was alone, single. But here he was, and now... He couldn’t readjust, not again.
He let out a heavy breath and walked to his dresser, jerking open the bottom drawer and digging for some underwear. And there were none. Because he didn’t keep up on his laundry, because he sucked. He sucked at taking care of himself, and he had sucked at taking care of his wife.
Of course it was too late to fix a marriage that had been put asunder by death. But it wasn’t too late to fix the situation with his underwear.
He walked downstairs—wearing nothing but yesterday’s underwear—and headed toward the laundry room. Hopefully there was something in the dryer. He was not the best at keeping up on laundry. Because laundry was terrible. But sometimes he ended up with one or two baskets full of clean clothes, just sitting in there, because he hated to put things away.
Liss had accused him of being a man-child on more than one occasion. He was starting to think she might be right.
It was a pretty sad-sack thing, now that he thought about it. A grown man not being able to see to his own household. But Eli had always done that when they were growing up, after their mother had left. And then Connor had married Jessie, and she had handled all of it. It wasn’t a great excuse. He had always expected for it to be taken care of, and it had been. While he had spent his days working himself blind on the ranch.
He’d intended to change. Because Jessie had asked him to. And because she deserved for him to.
Only then it had been too late.
So he’d gone right back to how he’d always been. Because there was no one to be different for. No one to be better for.
And because of that, he had no clean underwear.
He opened up the laundry room door and saw two baskets filled with clothes on the floor. He opened up the dryer door, and there was a full load in there, too. Okay, he was bound to come up successful in this pursuit.
He started to dig through the dryer and realized pretty quickly he wasn’t looking at his own clothes. He grabbed a basket and stuck it underneath the opening to the dryer, pulling the clothes that were inside out and into said basket.
His hand got caught around something lacy and flimsy, and he looked down and froze. Well, he had found clean underwear. They just weren’t his.
For a full ten seconds he sat there and looked at the mint-green panties that were in his hand. They were delicate, feminine. And very, very tiny. He had never imagined that Liss wore underwear like this beneath her rather sensible outfits. Well, in fairness, he had never thought about Liss’s underwear before.
But he was thinking about them now. He couldn’t stop himself from running his thumb over the soft, flat waistband. He swallowed hard, lifting them up so that he could see the shape.
It was a thong, which was very unexpected. Even more unexpected was the quick image that flashed through his mind of what Liss must look like wearing them. A shadow of copper curls beneath the flimsy lace, and the round, shapely ass that would be displayed to perfection.
He dropped the panties back into the basket and stood up, taking a step back as if there was a rattlesnake in there amid the clothes. Since when did he imagine Liss in her underwear? More important, since when had he noticed that her ass was shapely?
He never had, not consciously. It must be something his subconscious had absorbed. Some kind of male instinct he had thought long destroyed busily cataloging desirable feminine attributes even while his conscious mind was shutting it out.
He reached into the basket next to the one containing Liss’s clothes, stripped off his old underwear and quickly pulled on a new pair, before jerking the laundry room door open and walking out into the kitchen.
Unfortunately, just as he walked in, so did Liss.
Her eyes flew wide, and she took two steps backward, her cheeks turning bright pink. “Sorry.” She turned and walked out of the room as quickly as she had just walked in.
“Dammit,” he growled, stalking back to the staircase and heading back to his room as quickly as possible.
He put on a pair of tan Carhartt pants and a black T-shirt, before going back downstairs to do some damage control. Although, really, there should be no damage to control. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t seen him in various states of undress over the years. It just felt more inappropriate, because he had just been handling her panties.
“Liss?”
“In here,” she said, her voice sounding muffled.
He walked toward the living room and into the room, just in time to see Liss scrambling up from the couch, throwing one of the decorative pillows back onto the cushion. She looked at him, her lower lip sucked between her teeth.
They just sort of stood there, frozen, staring at each other.
Then a gust of air tried to escape Liss’s mouth, turning into a sound that was somewhere between a growl and a snort.
He frowned. “Are you laughing at me?”
Her shoulders shook, her face turning redder. She shook her head, still biting her lower lip.
“I’m serious, Liss. You just saw me in my underwear, and you’re laughing? I have to figure out if I’m insulted by this or not.”
She shook her head again, sitting down on the couch, her face getting redder, the shaking in her shoulders getting increasingly violent.
“Either you’re having a stroke, or you are laughing at the sight of me in my undies.”
She released her lower lip and heaved in a deep breath, a guffaw escaping a second later. “No! No.”
“You’re not laughing.”
“No,” she hooted, “I’m not laughing.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Not at the sight of you in your underwear. I mean, not like you think,” she said, breathless. “It was just so absurd. You were looking at me. I was just looking at you. I happened to walk in and you were in the kitchen, and you were pretty much naked.” She was rambling now, but it was a whole lot better than the alternative.
Because things were kind of jumbled up in his head. And for some reason, he was still picturing her in her underwear, even though he was the one who had been caught in his.
“I thought you were at work.”
“I forgot my cell phone, so I came back because I didn’t have any important appointments this morning. I guess this is a part of negotiating the living situation.”
“I guess.”
She cleared her throat. “Really, though, it’s nothing I’ve never seen before.”
He tried not to be offended by that comment. As though any man in his underwear was exactly the same as him. Really, he had no place to be offended by that comment. Because the sight of him mostly naked should not be remarkable to his best friend. And yet, his masculine ego—which along with his nice-ass radar, was not as dormant as he had believed—was slightly dented.
“True. But then, I’ve seen plenty of women in their underwear—” only one, now two, in person and others in pictures, but Liss didn’t need to know that “—and that does not mean that you’re going to be prancing around in here in a state of undress.” He regretted saying that the moment he did, because it brought to mind those images he was working so hard to banish. “Are you?”
“No. Would you rather I act completely scandalized? Should I have had you fetch the smelling salts?”
“I don’t have smelling salts. All I have is barbecue steak rub. I don’t think it’s the same.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I don’t think so.”
“Okay, so here’s the deal. I won’t assume that you’re not in the house anymore. And I won’t come walking downstairs in my underwear.”
“Deal.”
“Okay,” he said, taking a step away from her, rubbing the back of his neck. “I suppose you need to get back to work. I know I do.”
“Yeah, I should.”
He nodded, a thread of tension stretching between them, and he wanted to banish it. Wanted to do something to get rid of it, because this wasn’t normal. “Great, I’ll see you for dinner.”
“I might go out with Jeanette,” she said quickly.
“Okay. I’ll see you later, then.”
“Yeah, later.”
Connor turned and walked out of the room. It was probably a good thing Liss was going out tonight. After only a couple of days of cohabitation, he felt as though they could maybe use a little space.
But this was normal, this adjustment period. Connor hadn’t lived with anyone in a few years, and he’d lived with Jessie for a long time. Even then, they had a lot of miscommunications and a lot of ups and downs. There was no reason to believe it would be any different with a roommate.
He opened the door and took a deep breath, banishing all the weirdness that lingered inside him. There was no time to worry about any of that. He had a ranch to work on.
* * *
SHE’D HAD FANTASIES about Connor before. Here, in the darkness of her room, she was woman enough to admit that. And yes, she had seen him without his shirt on. They spent a lot of time on the lake, down by the river and on the beach. Copper Ridge was surrounded by water and they, like most of the other residents, made the most of it.
But somehow, seeing him in his underwear was different. Because it wasn’t just his perfectly muscular chest, with a very perfect amount of chest hair sprinkled over it. Or his washboard flat abs and the tattoo that was starting to drive her crazy. No, it was combined with the full scope of his very muscular thighs, compliments of years in the saddle, and, it just...well, and...the very prominent bulge at the apex of said muscular thighs. There. She’d admitted it.
It was burned into her brain now. The image of him standing in his kitchen nearly naked, looking as if he’d just been slapped upside the head with a two-by-four.
She rolled over onto her stomach and buried her head beneath her pillow. She had to be adult about this.
She snorted and rolled back over, uncovering her face. That was the problem. She was being adult about this. Very adult. With lots of adult thoughts and desires and needs.
What were you supposed to do when your adult needs were for your best friend and roommate? Where was her handbook?
“Ignore it,” she said out loud, “like always.”
It was the only thing to do. They would have to go on as though undiegate had never happened. She was just having a little Connor relapse due to the close proximity. Probably not aided at all by the recent amount of time she’d been spending taking care of him. And definitely not helped by her extremely long bout of celibacy and singledom. When things settled down she would have to focus on getting a date. Yes, that would help. A little bit of normalcy, a man who wasn’t Connor filling her time.
Yes, that would help. And if in the meantime, she spent just a little bit of time thinking about how Connor had looked in his underwear, well, she was only human. It didn’t mean anything. Just a little healthy female-to-male appreciation.
That was her story, and she was sticking to it.
CHAPTER SEVEN (#ulink_6ba683d8-5092-54c6-9f71-10d0d686840b)
THE MORNING THE INSURANCE settlement money went into Connor’s bank account he felt as if there was a timer ticking down. And there was a part of him—a much larger part of him than he might have imagined—that wanted to take the money and go down to Cancun. Just disappear from all this for a while, from Copper Ridge, from responsibility.
But he couldn’t do that. Because of the ranch, because of his family, because Eli’s election was coming up, and he had to be there for that.
Damn responsibilities. He would rather have a margarita.
But his family needed him here, and if there was one thing he wouldn’t do, it was abandon them. Their mother had walked out when things had gotten tough, and Connor wasn’t going to do the same.
No, he wasn’t his mother in this little play. He was the one who was left behind.
He was a lot closer to being his father.
He gritted his teeth. No, he wasn’t. He saw to his responsibilities.
Like getting the barn built?
Yeah, he had to get the barn built. He had enough money to hire a crew to come out and get it done, which meant he needed to get started as soon as possible. There was no excuse. Maybe that was something else Liss could help him with.
Liss. That was also feeling slightly difficult at the moment.
And it was his fault. Because she had seemed fine after their little mostly naked run-in a few days ago. But his brain had latched on to the vivid image of what she might look like in the mint-colored thong and hadn’t let go. It was starting to drive him crazy.
On the long list of things he never wanted to talk to anyone about was the effect grief had on his sex drive. It just wasn’t something anyone needed to know about. Yes, they all had a fair idea he wasn’t getting any, if only because it was a small town, and they all lived in each other’s pockets.
Okay, the town at large didn’t know, but Eli knew that he didn’t see women coming back to the property, and Jack knew that when he left the bar with a woman, Connor always left alone.
They wouldn’t have to ponder his actions too hard to figure that out. Plus, he had admitted as much to Eli during the world’s most horrific conversation a few months back. But what he hadn’t admitted was that it was more than not feeling like engaging in a flirtation or a hookup.
It was that his give-a-damn was busted on such a bone-deep level that he didn’t even fantasize about hooking up. It was pretty easy to abstain when you didn’t even feel like jacking off to deal with a morning erection.
A morning erection that had become a lot more insistent since Liss’s thong had come into his life.
Connor groaned and scooped up a pitchfork full of manure from his horse’s stall and chucked it into the back of the truck. He was going to deal with this the way he had dealt with it back in high school. Hard work. That was, in his experience, the world’s most effective boner killer. Except for the obvious. And he wasn’t going to do either obvious thing. For equally obvious reasons.
“Hey, Connor, did that pitchfork do something terrible to you?”
Connor turned and saw Eli standing at the entrance to the stalls. “I’m shoveling shit, Eli. How excited am I supposed to look?”
“All right, fair enough. You just don’t normally look actively angry while doing it.”
Connor stuck the pitchfork into the shavings and leaned against it. “I got my insurance money today.”
“Well, damn,” Eli said, monotone. “Those bastards. Finally settling the score with you. I have half a mind to go and slap handcuffs on them.”
“I didn’t ask for your sarcasm.”
“I don’t know why you’re standing there looking so upset about finally getting what you’ve been working toward for the past few months.”
Connor winced internally. But he was not about to have the same argument with Eli that he had already had with Liss. “I guess it’s just time to rebuild. And I have a hard time feeling very enthusiastic about rebuilding. I don’t have a great track record, Eli. I don’t know if you’ve noticed.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I tried to do the best I could by this ranch. By the family. But every time I try to make something better, nature finds a way to burn it to the ground, for lack of a less obvious metaphor.”
Eli frowned. “I know things have been hard, but everything that’s happened...do you really think that’s all about you?”
“Sure, or I have a lightning rod above my head. It’s either that or it’s random, Eli. Tell me which one is supposed to make me feel better.”
Eli rubbed his hand over his forehead. “I doubt anything I could say would make you feel better. Except that no matter the answer, you have to keep doing things.”
“Sometimes I’d rather not.”
“That was what Dad did,” Eli said. The total lack of judgment in Eli’s voice made the statement even worse. As though he couldn’t blame their dad, and wouldn’t blame Connor, either. But Connor would. Connor did.
“Yeah, well, it’s not what I’m going to do. I work, don’t I? I work the ranch every day. Not leaving it to my kids to do, not that I have any, but you get the point.” Connor let out a long, slow breath. “It hasn’t escaped my notice that anything new I bring onto this ranch seems to die.” He met his younger brother’s gaze. “Tell me that’s not true.”
“I can’t,” Eli said, his voice strained. “Connor, you’re probably the only person on this earth more connected to Jessie’s death than I am. I was there. I was the one who had to tell you. I feel it. The brutality of it, the suddenness of it. I feel it down to my bones. Please know that I don’t take what you’ve been through lightly. And when I tell you I think you need to move on, when I tell you that I want to see you happy, it’s not because I don’t realize what you went through. Because I was there, Connor.”
Connor knew Eli was talking about his reaction to his wife’s death. Eli was the only witness to that moment, and he was probably the only one who remembered it with any real clarity. Connor could hardly piece together the memory, and it was probably all for the best. The moments after the words had left Eli’s mouth had been a blur.
* * *
IT WAS LATE, and the only person he’d been expecting was Jessie, so the knock at the door was a surprise. Connor opened the door, and his brother turned to face him, something in his expression strange. Wrong. The porch light was on, a ring of gold surrounding Eli’s frame.
Eli stepped inside, not saying a word. Another thing that seemed wrong.
“Connor, go on and sit down.”
He complied, because he’d never seen his brother look quite so desolate. Not even when their mother had left. Not even after their father had died.
“There was an accident tonight,” he said, his voice breaking.
And he didn’t even have to finish the sentence, because right then Connor knew. His whole body went cold, and something in his gut turned, and he knew. He knew it wasn’t Eli, his brother, just paying a visit, but a sheriff’s deputy doing his duty. A brother doing his duty.
“Jessie died tonight, Connor.”
* * *
THERE HAD BEEN nothing after that. Just a kind of strange buzzing in his head that wouldn’t go away. And he was aware of saying things, but not of what he’d said. He couldn’t remember anything that had happened after Eli spoke those words. He couldn’t remember the rest of the night or the whole next day. A full twenty-four hours that were gone forever.
A gift, he imagined.
“Even knowing that,” Eli continued, “I want you to have more.”
But Eli didn’t know everything. And Connor knew, in spite of his brother’s good intentions, he thought he understood and empathized a bit better than he did.
“I want you to have what I have,” Eli said. “I didn’t think I wanted to find love, but then I met Sadie. And everything changed.”
Everything changed.
For some reason that part of the sentence stuck out in Connor’s mind. But he didn’t want to overthink it. “Yeah, and after what we’d been through as kids, deciding to go ahead and get married wasn’t the easiest decision for me. But that’s what happens when you fall in love,” Connor said. “I know Sadie is this new chapter of your life, and I think because of the timing, you don’t quite equate it with me losing Jessie. But that’s what it is. What if you lost her, Eli? Would you want someone else?”
Eli looked away. “No,” he said, his voice rough. “But I only mean it... I was afraid, too. Remember, we had this discussion. That love came here to die. But I found love again, and there was no room for me to stay scared when I found it. Just stay open. And...maybe start small. Like with building a barn.”
Connor cleared his throat. “I can do that.”
“If Jack were here, he would suggest adding sex to that list.”
Heat burst through Connor’s veins, because that word had become inextricably linked to the mint-colored thong. “I don’t want to have this discussion with you. We tried it once. Let’s never repeat it.”
Eli shifted, obviously uncomfortable. “Well, I don’t want to have the discussion. I just worry about you, dammit.”
“Stop it. I don’t need you to worry about me. I need you to focus on your woman and your campaign.”
“Speaking of my campaign, and speaking of your barn...”
Connor crossed his arms over his chest. “What about it?”
“If you can get the barn built in time, I’d love to have a party out here on election night. We’ll set up a TV and watch the results and we’ll have a party. A big barbecue.”
“Sadie has bewitched you. Because only six months ago you would’ve gagged and died thinking about having a party here.” Connor rubbed his chin. “Come to think of it, last time we had a party here, planned by Sadie, you burned my fucking barn down.”
“And I’m willing to take the risk again. Because a barn is meant to be used.”
Connor gritted his teeth and forced his brain not to apply that statement as a broader metaphor for life. Or for his dick.
“Fine. If it’s on track to be structurally sound by election night, it’s yours.” And now the construction of the barn was for someone else, and that meant he had to get it done. “I’ll make some calls today.”
Eli took a step forward and slapped Connor on the back, which was about the closest they ever got to a touching moment. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”
“This is your ranch, too. You live on the property. Name is on the deed. It’s not a favor. It’s your right.”
“Stop trying to act like you’re a 100-percent-mean son of a bitch,” Eli said. “It’s only about 85 percent.”
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Maisey Yates
There are lines best friends shouldn't cross, but in Copper Ridge, Oregon, the temptation might be too much…If practice makes perfect, Connor Garrett should be world champion of being alone. Since losing his wife he's concentrated exclusively on his family's ranch. Until Felicity Foster needs a place to stay and Connor invites her to move in temporarily. That's what friends do. What friends don't do? Start fantasizing about each other in their underwear. Or out of it…Since high school, Liss has kept her raging crush in check. But helping Connor rebuild his life only reinforces how much she longs to be a part of it. One explosive encounter, and she'll discover that getting what you always wanted can feel better than you ever dreamed…There are lines best friends shouldn't cross, but in Copper Ridge, Oregon, the temptation might be too much…If practice makes perfect, Connor Garrett should be world champion of being alone. Since losing his wife he's concentrated exclusively on his family's ranch. Until Felicity Foster needs a place to stay and Connor invites her to move in temporarily. That's what friends do. What friends don't do? Start fantasizing about each other in their underwear. Or out of it…Since high school, Liss has kept her raging crush in check. But helping Connor rebuild his life only reinforces how much she longs to be a part of it. One explosive encounter, and she'll discover that getting what you always wanted can feel better than you ever dreamed…
There are lines best friends shouldn’t cross, but in Copper Ridge, Oregon, the temptation might be too much…
If practice makes perfect, Connor Garrett should be world champion of being alone. Since losing his wife he’s concentrated exclusively on his family’s ranch. Until Felicity Foster needs a place to stay and Connor invites her to move in temporarily. That’s what friends do. What friends don’t do? Start fantasizing about each other in their underwear. Or out of it…
Since high school, Liss has kept her raging crush in check. But helping Connor rebuild his life only reinforces how much she longs to be a part of it. One explosive encounter, and she’ll discover that getting what you always wanted can feel better than you ever dreamed…There are lines best friends shouldn’t cross, but in Copper Ridge, Oregon, the temptation might be too much…
If practice makes perfect, Connor Garrett should be world champion of being alone. Since losing his wife he’s concentrated exclusively on his family’s ranch. Until Felicity Foster needs a place to stay and Connor invites her to move in temporarily. That’s what friends do. What friends don’t do? Start fantasizing about each other in their underwear. Or out of it…
Since high school, Liss has kept her raging crush in check. But helping Connor rebuild his life only reinforces how much she longs to be a part of it. One explosive encounter, and she’ll discover that getting what you always wanted can feel better than you ever dreamed…
Brokedown Cowboy
Maisey Yates
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Dear Reader (#ulink_0f6d5f36-f824-53b8-8eed-39b5f0be2c35),
I have a soft spot for a strong, wounded hero. I always have. I think in part because I always want to fix their pain. I write romance because I believe in the power that love has to heal, because I believe that no one has ever missed their chance at happily ever after. Even if they need a second chance at it.
Connor Garrett is desperately in need of a second chance.
If you’ve met Connor in Part Time Cowboy then you know what a grumpy, surly, heartbroken man he is. From the moment I “met” him, I knew I needed to write his story.
I like a broken hero, and I love a story about friends discovering there’s more between them. Brokedown Cowboy gave me a chance to play with two of my favorite themes.
Liss and Connor have so much history together, and no one knows Connor’s pain like she does. But she’s also fully aware that what he’s been through means loving again will be a challenge for him. Luckily, Liss is up to the task.
I hope you enjoy Connor’s road to happiness as much as I enjoyed writing it (if you’re still in the store, you might want to buy a box of tissues…you’ve been warned).
Happy Reading!
Maisey
Contents
Cover (#uc4398f2a-fed9-5f41-98f4-410dd05913fb)
Back Cover Text (#ubdf98568-5ef0-53f8-b2bd-32dff1f21785)
Title Page (#u6dd72f6f-1b78-5f8a-a560-14b31ed6f0fc)
Dear Reader (#uc0e40c97-5840-5932-b81c-2e2555d68a05)
CHAPTER ONE (#ufd0ed8e3-0914-5da6-97d5-e4fb11d4ab51)
CHAPTER TWO (#ue15d7ed2-a2b5-5b83-a36f-efb29fd3f28f)
CHAPTER THREE (#u86387314-ec27-59de-be0b-0bfc7798e353)
CHAPTER FOUR (#ueb4c91f8-fc79-5923-9d6a-c58b667d05dc)
CHAPTER FIVE (#uaa31b67a-ea5d-53c5-af58-e5fb93fa4a30)
CHAPTER SIX (#ue85c8628-f227-5a29-9221-87758e1e80e2)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#u7d0026db-7349-520c-97e9-26e9500abd32)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIFTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIXTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINETEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_a62dfbdd-a866-558a-92b8-d43680c48c74)
CONNOR GARRETT WAS a grown-ass man. He knew there was nothing to fear in sleep. He knew the darkness of his room didn’t hide anything more sinister than a pair of carelessly discarded cowboy boots, waiting for him to stub his toe on them in the dead of night during a sleepy trip to the bathroom.
He knew these things, just like he knew the sun would rise over the mountains just before six this time of year, whether he wanted it to or not. He knew these things as surely as he knew that an early-morning breeze tinged with salt meant a storm would blow in from the coast later. That unintentional run-ins with barbed-wire fences burned like a son of a bitch. That wooden barns burned and people you loved left.
Yeah, he knew all that.
But it didn’t stop him from waking up most nights in a cold sweat, his heart pounding harder than a spooked horse’s hooves on arena dirt.
Because the simple truth was that Connor Garrett knew all these things, but his subconscious had yet to catch up.
He sat bolt upright in bed, sweat beading on his bare chest and his forehead. If this weren’t standard procedure for his body, he might’ve been concerned he was having a heart attack. Unfortunately, though, he knew at this point that the racing heart, accompanied by chest pain, was just stress. Anxiety.
Damn lingering grief that refused to lessen even as the years passed.
He wasn’t surprised when he woke up alone in bed, not anymore. It had been three years, after all. He wasn’t surprised, but he noticed. Every time. Was acutely aware of how cold the sheets were on her side of the bed. It wasn’t even the same bed he’d slept in with Jessie. He’d bought a new one about a year ago because continuing to sleep in the bed they’d shared had seemed too depressing. But it hadn’t accomplished what he had hoped it might.
Because no matter how hard he tried, whether he lay down in the middle of the bed at the start of the night, or even on the side nearest to the window, he always ended up on his side.
The side by the door. In case of intruders or any other danger. The side that allowed him to protect the person sleeping next to him. The side he had taken every night during his eight years of marriage. It was as if his late wife’s ghost was rolling him over in his sleep.
And then waking him up.
Unfortunately, Jessie didn’t even have the decency to haunt him. She was just gone. And in her place was emptiness. Emptiness in his bed. In his house. In his chest.
And when his chest wasn’t empty, it was filled with pain and a kind of dread that took over his whole body and made it impossible to breathe. Like now.
He swung his legs over the side of the mattress, the wood floor cold beneath his bare feet. He stood and walked over to the window, looked out into the darkness. The black shadows of pine trees filled his vision, and beyond that, the darker silhouette of the mountains, backlit by a slightly grayer sky. And down to the left he could barely make out the front porch. And the golden glow of the porch light that he’d somehow managed to leave on before he’d gone to sleep.
His chest tightened. That was probably why he’d woken up.
Abruptly, the dream he’d been having flooded back through his mind. It hadn’t been a full dream so much as images.
Opening the door late at night to see Eli standing there, his brother’s face grim, bleaker than Connor had ever seen it. And a ring of gold light from the porch had shone around him. Made him look like an angel of some kind. An angel of death, it had turned out.
As stupid as it was, he was half convinced that leaving that same light on downstairs brought the dreams back stronger.
It didn’t make sense. But if there was one thing he’d learned over the years, it was that grief didn’t make a lick of sense.
He jerked the bedroom door open and walked downstairs, heading toward the entryway. He stood there in front of the door, looking at the porch light shining through the windows. For a second he had the thought that if he opened it, he would find Eli standing there. Would find himself transported back in time three years. Listening to the kind of news that no one should have to hear.
There was a reason his darkest nightmares consisted of nothing more than his younger brother standing on his front porch.
Because in that moment his life had transformed into a nightmare. There was nothing scarier than that. He was confident he could take the bogeyman if need be. But he couldn’t fight death.
And in the end he hadn’t been able to save Jessie.
And he was not opening the damn door.
He flipped the light off and found himself walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge, rather than going back upstairs. He looked at the beer, which was currently the only thing on the shelves besides a bottle of ketchup and a bag that had an onion in it that had probably been there since the beginning of summer.
He let out a heavy sigh and shut the fridge. He should not drink beer at three in the morning.
Three in the morning was clearly Jack Daniel’s o’clock.
He walked over to the cabinet where he kept the harder stuff and pulled out his bottle of Jack. It was almost gone. And no one was here. No one was here, because his fucking house was empty. Because he was alone.
Considering those things, he decided to hell with the glass. He picked up the bottle and tipped it back, barely even feeling the burn anymore as the alcohol slid down his throat.
Maybe now he would be able to get some sleep. Maybe for a few hours he could forget.
He’d given up on getting rest years ago. These days he just settled for oblivion.
And this was the fastest way he knew to get it.
* * *
“YOU SHOULD JUST INSTALL a drain in the house so you can hose it down and let all the dirt wash out. Just like you do out in the barn.”
“What the hell are you doing here, Liss?”
Felicity Foster refused to be cowed by the overwhelmingly unfriendly greeting her best friend had just issued. It was just Connor, after all. She was used to his less than sparkly demeanor. She was also used to finding him passed out on the couch in the morning.
It would be nice if that occurred less frequently, but if anything, he seemed to be getting worse.
Not that she could blame him. She blamed his barn burning down. As far as the loss of Jessie was concerned, things might have continued to get better had he not lost that, too. It was just a building, bricks and wood, but it was his livelihood. It was just another piece of Connor’s dream burned down to the ground. He’d had enough of that. Too much of it.
She was officially pissed at life on his behalf. How much was one man supposed to endure?
“And to answer your rather charming question, Connor,” she said, stepping nearer to the couch, “I brought you groceries.”
He sat up, his face contorting, making him look a bit like he’d swallowed a porcupine. “Groceries? Why did you do that?”
“I know it’s been a while since you’ve gone out and socialized with actual people, rather than simply sharing your space with cows, so I feel compelled to remind you that the normal human response to this would be thank you.”
He swung his legs over the side of the couch and rubbed his hand over his face. She wanted to do something. To put her hand on his back and offer comfort. She was used to those kinds of impulses around Connor. She’d been fighting them for the better part of her adult life. But her conclusion was always that touching him would be a bad idea. So she stood there, her hands held awkwardly at her sides, leaving him uncomforted. Leaving the appropriate amount of space between them.
That was part of being a good friend. At least, it was part of maintaining a healthy friendship as far as she and Connor were concerned.
“Thank you,” he said, his voice gruff. “But why the hell did you bring me groceries? And why did you bring them by before work?”
“I brought you groceries because man cannot live on booze alone. I’m bringing them this morning because I was too tired to lug them over last night, when I actually bought them. So I thought, in the spirit of goodwill and breakfast cereals, I would bring them by now.”
“I do like breakfast cereals. I’m ambivalent about goodwill.” He stood up, wobbling slightly. “Feeling a little bit ambivalent about gravity, too.”
“I’m surprised you feel like eating. How much did you drink?”
He looked away from her and shrugged in a classically Connor manner. Playing things off was an art form with this man. “I don’t know. I woke up in the middle of the night. I couldn’t get back to sleep so I had a little bit to drink and ended up staying down here. Anyway, I don’t really notice the hangovers anymore.”
“I don’t think building up a resistance to hangovers is a crowning achievement.”
“For my lifestyle, it certainly is.”
She rolled her eyes. “Come on, cowboy. I’ll pour you some cereal.”
She shouldn’t offer to do things like that for him. She knew it. But she did it anyway. Just like she brought his groceries when she knew his fridge contained nothing but beer. Just like she still came to his house every day to make sure he was taken care of.
“Whoa, wait a second, Liss. We do not know each other well enough for that shit.”
“I’ve known you since I was fifteen.”
“The preparation of cereal is a highly contentious thing. You don’t know how much milk I might want. Hell, I don’t know how much milk I might want until I assess the density and quality of the cereal.”
“Are you still drunk?”
“Probably a little bit.”
“Kitchen. Now.”
Connor offered her a smart-ass smile, one side of his mouth curving upward. She couldn’t help but watch him as he walked from the living room into the kitchen. His dark hair was longer than he used to keep it, a beard now covering his once clean-shaven jaw. She didn’t mind the look. Actually, didn’t mind was an understatement; she thought he looked dead sexy. Though, in her opinion, there was no look Connor had ever sported that she’d found less than sexy. Even that terrible haircut, gelled and spiked up, that he’d had for about a year in high school, his one and only attempt at trendiness. No, on that score, the beard and hair were fine. The real issue was that his mountain-man look wasn’t a fashion statement, but an outward sign of the fact that he just didn’t take care of himself anymore.
They walked into the kitchen, and with the sun shining through the window like it was now, she could clearly see the coat of neglect that everything wore. The stove had a grease film over the top of it, a shocking amount of splatters on the white surface considering that she knew Connor never cooked anything here beyond frozen pizza. The pine cabinets looked dingy, the front window dotted with a white film of hard-water stains.
The house didn’t wear its neglect with quite the same devilish flare its owner did.
Connor reached up and opened one of the cabinets, taking out one of the brightly colored boxes of cereal she had just placed there. It struck her, in that moment, how funny it was she had known exactly where to put the cereal, and that he had known she would.
He grabbed a bowl and placed it on the counter, turning to face her, and she realized then that Connor wasn’t wearing his neglect quite as well as he would like everyone to believe. Sure, he was still sexy as hell, the tight lines by his eyes, the deep grooves in his forehead not doing anything to diminish that. But they were new. A map of the stress and grief of the past few years, deepened by his recent losses.
She ached for him. But beyond buying the man’s food, there was very little she could do.
She had been about to unload on him about all the crap that was happening with her rental. But it wasn’t a good time. Though she doubted with Connor there was ever a good time. Not because he wouldn’t care, but because she didn’t want to pile on.
Connor poured milk on his cereal, milk she had brought, and set it back on the counter. He picked up his bowl and started eating, crunching loudly on his first bite. “Are you going to have some, Liss?”
“I never say no to cereal. I have important accounting stuff to attend to. I find an early-morning carb rush is the best way to handle that.”
“Coffee?” he asked, talking around the food in his mouth.
“I had a carafe before I came over. I don’t play around with caffeine consumption.”
“Well, I need some.” He set the bowl back down on the counter and made his way over to the coffeemaker.
“So you had coffee. Beer, and coffee.”
“I’m not an animal.”
Liss snickered while she got her own bowl and set about preparing her cereal. There was a strange domesticity to the scene. Mundane conversation, easy morning sounds. Water running in the sink, clattering dishes. The soft filter of early sunlight through the thick wall of evergreens that surrounded Connor’s front yard.
There was something poignant about sharing this with him. This moment that seemed to have slipped right out of time. Like something she’d stolen, something she shouldn’t have.
Seriously, you would think she was the one who had been drinking. She was maudlin.
Connor started the coffee then returned to the island where he’d prepared his cereal. They stood across from each other, eating in silence, except for the crunching. And the sounds of the coffeemaker.
More morning sounds she was not entitled to.
Because this was the kind of thing a guy shared with his lover or wife. Not with his oddly codependent best friend.
“Have you heard back from the insurance company about the settlement?” The barn had burned down in July thanks to a few kids carelessly playing with fireworks, and while Liss knew that insurance companies could drag their feet to a pretty insane degree, this was going somewhere beyond that.
It was mid-September, and as far as she knew, Connor’s bank account remained void of settlements.
“Nope.”
“Well, that’s a little bit ridiculous, don’t you think?”
He shrugged one shoulder then took another bite of cereal. “Probably. Just haven’t had the energy to go chasing it down.”
“Don’t you think you should find the energy? All that equipment...”
“I’m very aware of what I lost in the fire. I don’t need you to summarize. Anyway, I’ve been making use of Bud’s old tractor. Plus, Jack had some extra tools.”
“That’s very nice. But don’t you want your own things?”
“Yes, Liss,” he said, his tone getting hard. “I would very much like to have my own shit. Actually, what I would really like is for my barn not to have burned down.”
Connor Garrett was six feet four inches of solid muscle. When he crossed his arms over his chest, showing off the strength in his powerful forearms and the full-sleeve tattoo he’d gotten a couple of years ago, he made a very intimidating picture. To other people. But not to her. “Too bad it’s not a perfect world, isn’t it?”
Connor snorted. “Yeah, Liss, I have noticed that the world isn’t perfect.”
“Noticing it isn’t enough. You have to do something about it.”
“I was not aware that my cereal came with a lecture.”
“It wasn’t supposed to. I have to go to work.” She set her bowl down on the counter then turned away from him, shoving her hands in her jacket pockets.
“Wait.” She heard footsteps, and no small amount of rustling behind her.
She turned back toward Connor, who was pouring coffee into a travel mug. “I’m waiting.”
She watched as he put two spoonfuls of sugar and a splash of cream in the cup. Exactly the way she took her coffee. And of course he knew. “Coffee. You’re allowed to leave mad, but you’re not allowed to leave without caffeine.”
She took the cup from his hand, holding her breath as her fingers brushed his, tightening her stomach muscles before they could do so involuntarily. “Thus ensuring that I don’t leave mad.” She lifted the cup. “Evil genius, Garrett.”
“I am that, Foster. As you should well know by now.”
“I’m familiar. Poker tonight?”
“As far as I know. Eli has campaign stuff he’s working on, so I’m not sure if he’ll stop by, but I’m pretty sure Sadie is coming. And unless Jack is getting laid with some random stranger...”
“Oh, Jack. It’s a real concern with that one.” Jack Monaghan was Connor’s other best friend. Between Eli and Connor in age, he’d been terrorizing Copper Ridge with the Garretts since the three of them were adolescent boys. And he had grown up to be a bigger terror than he’d been at twelve.
Unlike Eli, who was staid and responsible, running for sheriff of Logan County and in a serious, committed relationship with onetime bad girl Sadie Miller. And unlike Connor, who had gotten married in his early twenties and settled into ranch work. Jack had never settled into much of anything. Except sleeping his way through the female population, and steadfastly refusing to grow up by opting for a career as a rodeo cowboy.
Jack was hell on cowboy boots, but he was a lot of fun to have around. So long as you weren’t counting on him for much.
“Yeah, well, one of us should go out there and get some.”
Liss resisted the urge to ask for any details regarding Connor and his getting-some status. She was willing to bet he wasn’t, but then, it wasn’t like he told her everything. And Connor’s sex life was absolutely none of her business. In fact, she had spent the better part of the past seventeen years ignoring the fact that he had a sex life. Or at least trying to.
“I’m happy for Jack to be the getting-some ambassador. Down with relationships!”
Connor chuckled. “I don’t think Jack orders his sex with a side of relationship.”
“He’s a better man than I am,” Liss said.
“Yeah, me, too.”
Well, that might answer her question. The one she wasn’t going to ask. The one she certainly wasn’t going to dwell on. Though she was dwelling a little bit.
“Okay, Connor, I really have to go now. Thank you for the coffee.”
“Thank you for the cereal. And the other things.”
“My unending friendship, my support, my willingness to give you the hard truths?”
“I meant the milk and the half-and-half. But sure.”
She shot Connor a mock dirty glare and gave him a good look at her middle finger before turning and walking out the door. The crisp air touched her skin, bathing her in a feeling of freshness. The weather had already cooled quite a bit, and mornings were starting to take on that tinge of salted frost that signaled the fact they were leaving summer further and further behind.
She walked down the stairs and toward her little Toyota. Good thing she had this car free and clear. And hopefully it stayed running. Since, thanks to Marshall, her credit was on life support. That asshole, driving off one day in the brand-new truck that had both their names on it. And then proceeding to not make payments. And then also continuing to use credit cards that were in both their names without her knowledge.
She’d been able to get a certain amount of dings on the report taken care of, but some of it the bureaus had been unwilling to reverse. Right about now she couldn’t get a car loan, or a new rental house, to save her life.
Which, because of the general stability of her lifestyle, wasn’t the biggest problem. Until a couple of days ago when she’d found out that her landlord needed her out of the house in thirty days because she was selling it.
Yes, that had thrown a wrench in the works.
But she would figure it out. She always did.
She could always move in with her mother, though the very idea of it made her shudder. She wouldn’t be living on the streets, anyway, ideal situation or not.
But she would worry about that later. First work, then poker. She could panic tomorrow.
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_85015360-3b91-5297-a23c-6da37ec4fc91)
“GET OUT OF my house, Miller.”
His brother’s girlfriend looked up at him, the expression on her face comically innocent. “I came bearing gifts, Connor. Is that any way to greet a guest with presents?”
“You brought Beavers paraphernalia into my house. OSU fans can stay out on the lawn. We worship at the temple of green and gold here.”
Jack, who was already sitting at the table, thumped the side of the green ice bucket, proudly displaying the large University of Oregon O. “This is Duck country, sweetheart.”
Sadie batted her eyes. “I had no idea. I just found this bright orange bowl and thought it would be a great bowl to bring black and orange M&Ms in.”
“She’s a witch! Burn the witch!” Jack chanted from his position at the table.
“Light anything else on my property on fire and I will roast you over the flames, Monaghan,” Connor growled.
“Sorry, Con,” he said. “Bad joke, all things considered.”
Connor supposed it was. But then, if you couldn’t laugh at life’s shit, you might as well lie down in it and die. Which...he was closer to doing some days than he’d like to admit.
Sadie ignored him and walked into the house, putting her giant orange bowl on the table, an ugly blot near his hallowed Ducks ice bucket. “Eli should be by later. I invited Kate, too.”
This elicited a groan from Jack, and, he realized after the fact, from him, too.
“What?” Sadie asked. “Kate is my friend, and I want her here.”
“She’s my little sister,” Connor said.
“And I have to watch my mouth when she’s around,” Jack said.
“But you don’t,” Sadie said, arching her brow. “Anyway, your boys club gets stale. The testosterone is so thick a girl can hardly breathe.”
“Hey,” Connor said. “What about Liss?”
“She is an excellent source of estrogen, but firmly on your team,” Sadie said, reaching into her godforsaken bowl and taking out a handful of candy.
He supposed he couldn’t argue that point. Liss was his friend. And had been for years. She’d stuck by him almost as long as Jack. And she wasn’t obligated by blood the way Eli was. Considering that, he definitely owed her an apology for being such a jackass this morning. But hangovers were not his friend.
Considering that, he spent way more time with them than he should.
“She’s coming, right?” Sadie asked.
“Yeah, I’m surprised she’s not here yet.”
As if on cue, the door burst open and Liss all but tumbled into the room, dropping her purse on the wooden floor and letting out a frustrated growl. “My damn car wouldn’t start.” She straightened and pushed her dark, coppery hair from her forehead, her hazel eyes telegraphing her evil mood with supreme effect. “I tried for twenty minutes in the parking lot at work, and then when I was getting ready to call a tow truck, it started for no apparent reason. That’s not a good sign.”
Sadie closed the distance between herself and Liss and picked Liss’s purse up from the floor, not because Sadie was big into neatness, but because she seemed to like picking up after people. A therapist before she’d come back to Copper Ridge to open her bed-and-breakfast, Sadie liked fixing other people’s problems more than she liked just about anything else.
Except antagonizing them with sports rivalries, apparently.
“That sucks, Liss,” Jack said, leaning back in his chair, his eyes on the forbidden bowl of candy.
“Eat the candy, Jack,” Connor said, keeping his eyes on Liss.
She was wearing the same clothes she’d had on this morning, a pair of black dress pants and a blue button-up shirt, her hair hanging loose around her shoulders. She looked flustered, which was unusual for Liss.
“Just one more thing I don’t need,” she grumbled. “Something smells good.”
“Frozen pizza, à la me,” Connor said.
“Yum!” Liss said, her crabby expression lightening. “Anything else?”
“I brought pizza rolls,” Jack said.
“Anything else?” Sadie asked.
“There’s cheesy garlic bread in the oven. And marinara sauce to dip in,” Connor said.
“So,” Sadie said, “pizza, pizza that’s folded in on itself and deconstructed pizza.”
“Pretty much,” Connor said.
“Any vegetables?” Sadie asked.
“It’s like you don’t know us at all,” Jack said.
“I’m on board with your choice of menu for the evening,” Liss said, sitting down at the table across from Jack and immediately snagging a beer from the Ducks bucket. “I require carbs, cheese and grease to deal with my mood.”
“I’m sure Jake will take a look at your car,” Connor said, referencing Copper Ridge’s new mechanic. Jake was still building a client base, and he was counting on word of mouth to help do that.
“Probably. But I don’t really want to go begging for free work. Anyway, as long as it’s a minor issue I can afford to deal with it. But I am not in a position to buy a new car.”
Jack snorted. “Who is?”
“Probably you,” Liss said.
Jack just shrugged. Jack might be in the position but Connor certainly wasn’t. Not with his barn reduced to ash and charred ranch equipment. Though, truly, he supposed that was a fixable problem. But somehow, every time he went to fix the paperwork the insurance place had sent over, he got distracted and ended up doing something else. So the changes never got made. And the paperwork never got fixed. And his bank account stayed empty. And his barn stayed ash.
Damn, he needed a beer.
He took one out of the bucket and rested the bottle against the corner of the table, pulling it down as he slammed his hand on the top of it.
“Show-off,” Sadie said.
He shrugged. “Yeah, I just figured I’d put all my skills out there tonight. Putting frozen food in the oven, popping beer tops without a bottle opener. I’m a badass.”
“A superepic one,” Liss said, taking a drink of her beer. “And after I’ve had this entire bottle, and possibly another, I might even upgrade you.”
“To what?” he asked.
“Superepic rock-star badass.”
“I like that. But I think cowboy should be in there somewhere.”
Jack winked. “You’re not a real cowboy, though, Connor. When was the last time you rode a bucking bronco?”
“No, asshole, you’re confused. You’re not a real cowboy. You just play one in the ring,” Connor said.
Sadie started humming “Rhinestone Cowboy,” and Connor decided he liked her a little more than he had a few moments ago.
The oven timer went off and Connor crossed the living room and went to the kitchen, getting some hot pads and taking the bread and pizza out of the oven. The pizza rolls were sitting in a ball on the counter, and he stacked the pan laden with the real pizza on top of the bowl and carried the tray of bread in his other hand, taking it all into the dining area.
He set the food down in front of Liss and Jack, and Sadie gleefully reached for a plate, hovering near the bowl of pizza rolls.
“Next time, I promise to bake something,” Sadie said. “Quiche. That might elevate this a little bit.” Although her expression said she didn’t really mind slumming it with their subpar pizzas.
“Sure, Sadie, you could do that,” Connor said.
The door opened again, and Kate burst through it, followed by Eli, who was still in his uniform. Everything a stranger might want to know about his two younger siblings was conveyed by the way they walked into his house. Kate was exuberant, her footsteps loud, her grin irrepressible. Eli’s steps were measured, cautious. And when he saw Sadie, the slow, subtle smile that spread across his features expressed a depth of happiness that made Connor’s bones hurt.
That had been him once. At least, that was how he remembered it.
When he’d walked into a room, there had been only one place his eyes had gone. Jessie. She had been his focal point, his North Star, from the time he was eighteen years old. And then suddenly, she was just gone.
And so was his star.
He cleared his throat and took another drink of beer. There was no point in following that train of thought. No point in thinking about her at all. Except it was hard on nights like this. On the one hand, he depended on these get-togethers. They were his one opportunity to smile. To laugh. But when everyone was together like this, it was impossible to ignore the fact that it wasn’t everyone. And it never would be again. Jessie had always sat next to him when they played poker. And sometimes she cheated, and he pretended he didn’t notice.
He hadn’t played a hand since without wishing she was there to look at his cards.
Still, it was better than drinking alone.
Liss sat next to him now. And he figured if he couldn’t be with his wife, he should be right near his best friend.
Eli winced and reached into his jacket pocket, producing a vibrating cell phone. He let out a long-suffering sigh. “I’ve got to take this. Campaign stuff.”
“It’s fine,” Sadie said, answering for all of them.
“I’ll turn it off for the game.”
“It’s fine,” Connor reiterated.
Eli waved a hand and walked back outside, the phone pressed to his ear. Sadie was smiling dreamily after him.
“He’s so sexy when he’s doing political stuff,” she said.
Connor and Kate groaned. Then Kate moved farther into the room, offering her greetings.
“Hey, Jack. Hey, Sadie, Liss,” she said, walking over to the table and taking a big piece of pizza off the pan, not bothering to use a plate. No greeting for him, but whatever. That was what younger sisters were for. “Did you sort out the rental situation?”
It took him a moment to realize that Kate had directed the question at Liss. “What rental situation?” he asked.
“Sorry. I didn’t realize you hadn’t told everyone,” Kate said, her expression sheepish.
Liss looked slightly embarrassed. “Oh, no, it’s not a big deal. Anyway, no, not yet. But I will.”
“Wait a second, what rental thing? Is something happening with your house, Liss?” Connor asked, feeling annoyed now, because his little sister knew something about his best friend that he didn’t.
Liss let out an exasperated breath. “I’m dealing, Connor. Put away your duct tape and superglue. You don’t need to fix this.”
He almost opened his mouth to say he hadn’t offered to fix a damn thing. Because it was true; he hadn’t. He hadn’t offered to fix a damn thing in years.
There was no one around to complain if he didn’t. So sinks stayed leaky, windows stayed drafty and...well, he got drunk while his friend was having a problem, and motherfucker, he didn’t like that at all.
“Well, maybe I want to fix it if I can,” he said.
“That’s nice of you, Connor, but I don’t think you can. Unfortunately, I’m uncovering a lot of damage Marshall did to my credit when he took off a couple of years ago. Some of it was obvious and came to my attention pretty quickly. Some of it has been less so. There were other credit cards, an additional car loan, plus what I already knew about. Basically, even with the credit bureaus correcting some of it, I can’t get a new rental easily. And now that my landlord is selling...”
“That’s not fair!” Kate said around a mouthful of pizza. “Most everybody here knows you, Liss. And a lot of us knew Marshall. So we kind of know he was an ass.”
“If you had always known that, Kate, you might have let me in on it,” Liss said, smiling ruefully.
“I think I did tell you that,” Connor said through clenched teeth. “Repeatedly.”
Liss tightened her lips into a bud, and Connor could tell she was holding back a deadly reply. He didn’t really care. She’d been warned. She didn’t listen. And while he didn’t hold it against her, he had pretty much told her so the minute she’d shacked up with that idiot who was, well, an idiot.
Of course, Connor’d had to acknowledge, just to himself, that he might’ve been being unfair, because no man seemed good enough for Liss. Kind of like how no man would ever seem good enough for Kate.
But in the end, his instincts had been right on. Marshall had been a loser. Marshall had run off with Liss’s money and the truck they had just bought. And now this.
“That’s beside the point,” Connor continued. “How long do you have to move out?”
“Legally, I have thirty days. But it’s a private sale, and everything is moving really quickly. I figure I’m going to be out on my rear one way or the other. I mean, if it’s that or going to live with my mother, then I will stay until the very last second, but...”
“You should stay here,” Kate said.
Liss’s eyes widened, and he felt his own mouth fall open. “Here? As in...here here?”
“Well, Sadie has the B and B.”
Sadie winced. “I’m booked solid through Christmas. People coming to visit family, combined with the off-season discount, created a deluge of reservations.”
“Your bed-and-breakfast is your livelihood, Sadie,” Liss said. “I’m not going to take advantage of that. No one would expect me to do accounting for free.”
“I wouldn’t do accounting for money,” Jack said.
“You probably couldn’t do accounting for money, either,” Liss returned.
“I’m wounded, Liss,” Jack said. “However, speaking of all that, maybe somebody has a room and could use your services?”
Connor thought about all the paperwork he had left to do for the insurance. No, it wasn’t accounting, but he had accounting to do. Though Liss already did it for him. And he even paid her. It was one of the few administrative things that still got done on time and well, because he paid for the service, rather than pretending he would do it himself one day. And Liss had brought him groceries this morning. In exchange for nothing but a bowl of cereal. He used her services already, many of them, and gave back very little in return these days.
“You can stay with me, Liss,” he said, before he had time to fully process the implications of what he was offering.
“Really?” She looked shocked, and that made him feel even worse. Because why should she be shocked that her best friend was offering basic hospitality to her in her time of need? She shouldn’t be.
He was clearly an asshole.
“Yes, really. This house is huge. And I’m here all by myself. I’ve got three completely empty bedrooms, plus office space I never use.” Jessie had used the office to manage ranch staff, but he never had. It felt weird offering her space up. But she was gone, and Liss was here. Liss needed him, and he was going to help. “Anyway, it would just be until you can figure out a way to get a place of your own. Until you can find somebody who’s willing to go outside the box for you. Or until your credit improves, or whatever. And you can save up for your deposit and first and last month’s rent and all that.”
“Connor, I can’t stay here for free.”
“No, you’ll be staying here in exchange for groceries.” She already bought them for him, anyway. “Plus, I might need a little bit of help with my organization.”
Jack snorted. “You think?”
“We don’t all have obsessive-compulsive tendencies like Eli,” Connor said drily.
Eli, of course, chose that exact moment to walk back in, looking as if he was willing and able to lay down a little law and order. Sure, Eli was younger, but the two of them had banded together at a very young age to take care of the ranch and raise Kate. He’d had to start seeing Eli in a new light very quickly. There were only two years between them, anyway, but Connor had begun viewing him as an equal from the moment Eli had taken on household responsibilities.
And now that Connor lived alone in the big house, barely able to clean up after himself, he really appreciated all that Eli had done to make their lives better when they’d been kids.
Since then, Eli had gone from protecting the family to protecting the entire town. And while Connor didn’t go around gushing about it, he couldn’t be prouder. Even when Eli looked at him like he was a lost cause. Much like he was doing now.
“What did I miss?” Eli asked.
“Connor is defending his lack of housekeeping skills,” Jack said.
Sadie crossed the room to Eli and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him deeply as though they hadn’t just greeted each other a few moments ago. “Hey, Sheriff,” she said.
“Not yet,” he said. “Don’t jinx it.”
“I’m not a jinx! I’m the human incarnation of a lucky rabbit’s foot!”
“Are you?” he asked, cocking his head to the side, the whole interaction way too cute for his formerly stoic sibling.
They separated slowly, Eli’s hand sliding over her hip before resting there. Connor’s stomach twisted.
“Connor isn’t just defending his housekeeping,” Sadie said. “He’s offering Liss a place to stay until she can find a new rental.”
“What happened with your old rental?” Eli said, frowning deeply.
Liss sighed. “I should have known that once the Garrett family got involved this whole thing would get epic. Long story abridged, my credit sucks because of Marshall, and my landlord is selling.”
Eli’s breath hissed through his teeth. “That’s a bad combination.”
“But it’s going to be fine,” Connor said, his tone insistent. “Because she can stay with me until she figures something out. I have plenty of room here. Anyway, she’s here every night as it is. And she already brings me groceries.”
“You’re a little too attached to the grocery thing,” Liss said.
He shrugged. “Hey, it’s your rent. A small price to pay for a bedroom at Chez Garrett.”
* * *
LISS FIDGETED, LOOKING AROUND the room at all the expectant gazes. The Garretts were her surrogate family, so it was no surprise they had all rushed to her aid. But she hadn’t told Connor for a specific reason. She’d found herself talking to Kate today during her lunch break, when they’d run into each other at the Crab Shanty during lunch hour. She should have known that the youngest Garrett wouldn’t employ discretion.
Anyway, this was a solution, and she did need a solution. It was just the idea of living with Connor was sort of a loaded one. For a variety of reasons.
Though resisting would be...well, stupid. Because it was this or living with her mother, and she could genuinely imagine nothing worse than living with her mother. Except, maybe, living under a bridge. Actually, though, the bridge might be preferable.
But Connor had a point. This was a huge house. She spent a lot of time here, anyway.
Though, under normal circumstances, she would’ve wanted a little bit of time to think it over. Just because it was a change. Just because any commitment to move was kind of a big deal. But with the Garrett clan, Sadie and Jack all staring at her as if she had to issue a formal statement now, she felt as though she could hardly leave them waiting.
So she just ran through a quick laundry list of excuses and drawbacks, to be on the safe side:
Connor’s house was farther from work.
She had never been that into the rustic look. Which his place had in spades.
She would have to put some of her furniture in storage.
Being in close proximity to Connor might make her loins burst into flame, starting another fire, leaving him homeless as well as barnless.
Yes, that. That was a problem. But then, she had done a lot of work in the loin department where Connor was concerned. She should be able to handle it. Honestly, she had been friends with the man for more than fifteen years, so her coping skills where he was concerned should be more refined. They were possibly even more refined than she realized. High exposure to Connor might actually help. If so, things like this morning, and that intimacy she had felt in the moment, would seem more commonplace.
So, there was a theory. And it was helping with her attempt at a snap decision.
“Thank you, Connor. I... Thank you. I really appreciate the offer. But we’re going to have to talk about logistics, because I’m not just going to stay here and sponge off you.”
“I’m not worried about that. Honestly,” he said.
“Well, I am. I don’t want to take advantage of you or our friendship.”
“You won’t,” he said, his tone carrying a note of finality. “If anyone has been taking advantage over the past few years, it’s been me. I didn’t even realize you were going through something. You didn’t tell me. That says a lot.”
“Connor,” she said, her voice quiet, “I just didn’t want to pile on.”
“That’s the thing. You sure as hell should not be thinking of sharing things with me as piling on. I’m your friend. Yeah, I’ve had my share of bullshit going on for the past couple of years, but that doesn’t mean you need to keep all this to yourself. I should’ve made that clearer.”
Liss’s chest tightened. She didn’t like putting her crap on other people. Especially not someone who was already going through so much. Regardless of what he said, it did matter. She didn’t like to be a burden to people. Least of all people she cared about. Why would anyone keep her around if she was taking more than she was giving?
“You should definitely stay here, Liss.” It was Eli’s turn to give his two cents. Apparently.
“I’m going to. Thank you.”
Jack took another piece of pizza off the tray and leaned back in his chair. “Are we going to play cards, or are we going to stand around debating living situations? Not that you asked, Connor, but I might like to come and stay here, too.”
“Why would you do that? Your house is nicer than mine.”
“Yes, but Liss is going to be in your house, buying groceries. I’m assuming she might even cook some of those groceries.”
“I never said anything about cooking,” Liss said. “And even if I were going to cook, I would not be cooking for you. I will, however, kick your ass at poker.”
Jack spread his arms wide. “Bring it on.”
Everyone jostled and started taking their spots at the table, Eli reaching out to the center of it and grabbing a deck of cards. “It’s about to be brought, Monaghan,” Liss said.
And for a moment things felt normal. Things felt sane.
Pretty soon all of that would change, but for now they were just going to play some cards.
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_294af3a4-dd67-5530-94bb-d88de2f78a7f)
“HEY, LISS,” CONNOR SAID, following her out the door to his house and down the steps of the porch. The poker game was done, and Jack had already gone home, while Kate was in the dining room lingering over the bowl of pizza rolls, and Eli and Sadie were just sort of happily sitting in the same chair.
Liss was ready to go, blaming an early work schedule, but they still had some things to figure out as far as Connor was concerned.
It was dark outside, cold enough that Connor could see his breath as he exhaled, the sharp bite of air in his lungs a signal that fall was fleeting and winter was biting at its ankles.
“We need to talk just a little bit before you go,” he said.
Liss paused and turned on her heel, the gravel crunching beneath her feet. “Do we need to talk tonight?” She sounded tired, and he couldn’t blame her. Had she sounded tired this morning? Had she sounded tired for longer than that? What else hadn’t he noticed?
“It’s not going to be long and involved, I promise. I just want to get a few things straight. You’re not paying me rent.”
“I’m going to have to compensate you somehow.”
“Sure you are. You will bring me food, like you already do, and I will actually give you something in return.”
“Connor, don’t be difficult about this. At least let me go over some of the paperwork for the ranch. Get things organized. And maybe the house, too. If I’m going to be living in it, then I need things at a slightly higher level of cleanliness.”
“Fine. Done.” He ignored the tightening in his stomach. All of these offers of payment sounded very...domestic. Which was fair, he supposed, since they would be sharing the same house.
“Good,” she said, nodding. “I’m glad we could come to an agreement.”
Something about the situation struck him as funny then, loosening the knot in his gut. “I feel like we should shake hands or something.”
“It does feel a little formal, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah. Better idea.” He reached out and pulled Liss into a hug, not really thinking about it until she was pressed up against him, warm, soft and very feminine. He didn’t hug people often. He didn’t hug people ever, really. Sometimes he hugged Kate, an awkward half hug. And he was more likely to punch Eli in the face than pull him into an embrace.
Very likely for those reasons the contact hit him with the force of a two-by-four. And while he was still reeling from the hit, time seemed to slow, and he became acutely aware of small things he would never normally notice. Of how soft she was, how tiny she was, folded into his arms, and—of course—the press of her breasts against his chest, because he was only human.
Connor breathed in deep, inhaling a hint of wood smoke coming from his own chimney, a bit of sea salt mixed with pine and a floral note he knew was coming from Liss’s hair. The kind of girlie shampoo that had once cluttered up his shower, but had been absent from his house and his senses.
And for some reason, in this strange slow-motion moment it seemed perfectly acceptable for him to run his palm up Liss’s back.
“Connor, you’re kind of squishing my face.”
Liss’s muffled voice broke the moment, time suddenly returning to its normal speed. He laughed, a short, harsh sound that wasn’t really intentional. But apparently, the release was necessary.
He let go of her and took a step backward. “Sorry about your face.”
“Hang on to that, Connor. That could be a really useful insult later.”
“I meant it sincerely. The squishing of your face, not the features of your face. The features of your face are fine.” He had a feeling he wasn’t making any of this better, or less weird.
“Thank you,” she said, her tone letting him know that he definitely seemed weird to her. “I’m going to go home now. If I don’t get my sleep, the numbers will not be effectively crunched tomorrow.”
“That would be a shame.”
“Not really. But I need the paycheck.”
“So when do you want to move, then?”
She kicked her foot across the top of the gravel, the rocks clacking against each other. “I don’t know. I mean, I have time...”
“Well, whatever you want. I’ll even help you move.”
Liss pulled a face. “What exactly has come over you? You’re being all helpful and things.”
“I guess it’s the realization that I haven’t been very helpful at all recently.” They both knew exactly since when.
“I understand. I’m not going to tell you how you should handle all this. It’s not my place.”
“You’re about the only one who thinks that. Eli thinks I need to get over it. Jack thinks I need to get laid.”
Liss cleared her throat loudly. “With that in mind, I will be the one who thinks you just need to do what you can.”
“I can do this,” Connor said. “I can give this to you. So let me.”
She scuffed her toe over the gravel, the rocks clicking together. “I am. We’ll work out the logistics later. Thank you.”
He gave her a halfhearted wave and turned away from her, walking back up the steps before pausing and watching her get into her car. Waiting until it started to go back inside. At least the thing would get her home tonight.
He shut the front door behind him and walked into the dining area, coming face-to-face with three very rapt sets of eyes. “What?” he asked.
“So, Liss is going to move in?” Eli asked.
“Were you not here for the entirety of this?” Connor returned.
“Just confirming.”
“She needs me. She’s a friend.”
“I know,” Eli said.
“Well, you look too interested. There’s nothing to be interested about.”
Sadie’s expression turned placating, which only irritated him more. “Of course not.” She reached into her offensive orange bowl and started digging around for candy. “It is very nice that you’re doing this for her.”
“You all have the wrong end of the stick,” he said, pointing at the group. “You would not be reacting like this if I offered Jack a place to stay. And if Jack needed me, I would have him stay here, too. And he’s a way bigger pain in the ass than Liss.”
“True,” Kate said. “On all counts.”
“See? Katie agrees with me.”
“Not,” Kate said, her tone filled with warning, “if you keep calling me Katie.”
A smile tugged at his lips. “Whatever you say, Katie.”
It was Kate’s turn to reach into the bowl. She pulled out a couple of M&Ms and hurled a couple at his head. “Serves you right,” she said when one clocked him in the temple.
“Oh, no,” he said, in mock terror. “You threw candy at me.”
“Beaver candy,” Sadie said.
“Okay, ladies, let’s get out of Connor’s hair,” Eli said, showing an uncharacteristic amount of sensitivity. Eli usually thought nothing of running roughshod over him. Mainly because Eli always seemed to think he knew how other people should live their lives, and Connor was no exception to that.
Eli lifted Sadie from his lap and stood, raising his arms behind his head and stretching. “I need to sleep,” he said. “With the election so close now, I’m not doing very much of that.”
“But you’re going to win,” Sadie said, her tone confident.
“You are,” Kate agreed.
Both women looked at Connor. “You are,” he said, and he wasn’t just saying that to stroke his brother’s ego. He was the best choice for the county; there was no question about that.
Eli was a professional at sacrifice. He had sacrificed for Kate when he’d been a teenager. Had sacrificed his safety when he’d agreed to wear the uniform. And Connor knew, and never took for granted, the fact that Eli had sacrificed by being the one to come and tell him about Jessie’s accident. Connor knew that no one in the department would have ever asked it of him. But Connor also knew that Eli would have never given the responsibility to anyone else.
For those reasons, and for so many more, Connor knew his brother was the man Logan County needed as its sheriff.
“Well, I appreciate the votes of confidence. Just make sure they’re also physical votes on election day.”
“Are you kidding? I’m going to go stand by the ballot drop boxes with my shirt off and my chest painted,” Connor said. “A big painting of your face.”
“I will arrest you. And I’m not joking,” Eli said, lacing his fingers through Sadie’s and heading toward the door.
Kate stood up and followed after them, offering him a goodbye wave.
“Goodbye, Connor,” Sadie said as they headed out, shutting the door behind them.
And he was left alone again, by himself and in his big empty house.
But that was about to change.
Disquiet lodged itself in his gut. He’d had quite enough change over the past few years, and this was more of it.
But he wouldn’t be alone. He was really fucking tired of being alone.
But he was alone now so he took another beer out of the ice bucket. A couple more drinks would help drown out the silence. Would help him fall asleep.
And there was no one here to tell him no.
* * *
“I THINK I SOLVED my rental problem,” Liss said, sliding a paper clip onto a stack of papers and looking up at Jeanette, her coworker, who sat at the desk opposite her.
“You found someone to rent to you?” Jeanette asked, licking an envelope and smoothing it closed.
“Not exactly. But Connor has a lot of empty rooms, and he’s agreed to let me stay with him until I can find a place.”
Jeanette arched a dark brow and looked to the left to make sure no one else was lingering nearby. Maria and Sandra were the only others in the office today, but the older women didn’t necessarily enjoy listening to her and Jeanette gossip. “Is this fine-ass Connor? The one with the bulging forearms and very delicious tattoo? Your friend? The one who’s been by to pick you up from work a few times?”
Jeanette had been in town for only a couple of years, so she didn’t know everyone’s life or life story in as much detail as most of the locals did.
Liss cleared her throat. “Yes, that Connor.”
“Get it, girl.”
Liss’s face burned, and she knew full well that she was blushing. “There will be no getting of it. He’s just helping me out. And he really is just a friend.”
Jeanette frowned. “Sorry. I did not imagine for one second that you were really only just friends with a man who looked like that. I just thought you were slow on the rebound after that jerk left.” Jeanette never remembered Marshall’s name, or at least, she pretended she didn’t remember his name. Because Jeanette was a goddess like that.
“It’s not like that with us. I was really good friends with his wife. Him, too. But Jessie and I were friends for...years and...well, that would be weird. And you know. Too much baggage.”
It was a refrain she had repeated to herself often.
“Yeah, that makes sense. That’s a lot of history.”
“A book full of it. That’s the problem with small towns,” Liss said, sighing heavily. “There’s history everywhere. That is perhaps why I’ve been single for so long.” Except she knew it wasn’t just that.
“Thankfully, I came with a man in tow.” Jeanette and her husband, Tom, had been married for five years, and Tom had come to Copper Ridge to work as a fisherman.
“It was a better plan than mine. Which was to grow up here, never leave and ensure every man in my age group knew me far too well to see me as anything other than a friend. I’m thinking Copper Ridge could almost single-handedly cause a boom in the mail-order-husband market. Maybe I could get myself a nice biddable Russian groom. One who would chop wood and open jars for me.”
“Let me know how that works out. I might sign up.” Jeanette winked and pushed a stack of papers beneath a hole punch, pressing it down firmly. “Not that I need another husband. It would just be nice to have someone around the house to do hard labor when Tom is out on the boat.”
“I could really start something here. A nice little secondary career.” Liss stuck the papers she was holding into a file. “Of course, I think living with Connor is going to be my secondary career.”
“If it’s rent-free...”
“It is.”
“And comes with a very handsome roommate,” Jeanette said, smiling.
“Yes. A cranky, high-maintenance, handsome roommate.”
“That’s what they call a fixer-upper.”
“I think when I put out my ad for my mail-order husband, I’m going to request a man who’s turnkey.”
Jeanette laughed. “Good luck with that. They all come with baggage. Even the good ones.” She pushed a couple buttons on her computer then paused. “Actually, especially the good ones. It’s the ones who have been through a lot and come out the other side that are really worth it in the end.”
Liss let Jeanette’s words hang there for a moment, willing them to just roll off, hoping they wouldn’t sink in. Because she didn’t need to harbor any more false hope where Connor was concerned.
Finally, she responded. “Great. I’ll let you know when he comes out the other side. Although, it still won’t be like that.”
“Whatever you say, Liss. Whatever you say.”
Liss’s cell phone vibrated against the surface of her desk. Her landlord’s number flashed over the screen and she frowned, answering the phone as quickly as possible. “Sorry,” she said to Jeanette, grabbing the phone and picking it up, answering quickly. “Hello?”
“Hi, Liss?” Marjorie asked, before plowing into the rest of her sentence. “Our buyer is very motivated to move. In fact, they really need a place to stay, so if we can’t clear out the house fast enough for them, they might look somewhere else. They’re able to pay cash, so they’re very mobile, and this is moving very quickly. I’m sorry to inconvenience you, but if you are able to move out as quickly as possible, I would really appreciate it. I know what your rights are legally, but I thought I would just talk to you personally.”
Of course, because this was Copper Ridge, and your landlord was never just your landlord; they became your friend, too. So when they overasked of you, it was impossible to say no. That was the economy of a small town. Everyone knew they could borrow help if need be, and interest was paid in small favors and homemade pies.
But then, her landlord had not become a good enough friend to refuse to ask something like this of Liss. Of course, she also knew Marjorie would never push or throw her out on the street or anything.
“It just so happens that I lined up a place to stay last night. And I can move in whenever.” She thought of Connor and his house, and her stomach did something weird. Kind of a twist and turn at the same time.
Marjorie breathed out an audible sigh of relief right into Liss’s ear. “If you could start moving out this weekend, it would be really helpful. I just don’t want the sale to fall through. Norm and I are much better off in Arizona, and the sooner we can cut ties with everything here, the better. It isn’t that I don’t love the town, but my joints don’t love the damp.”
“I understand.” Even though she didn’t, really.
“Thank you, Liss. You’ve been a great tenant.” Most especially since Marshall had moved out, but Liss didn’t say it. “Most especially since that boyfriend of yours moved out.” Oh, so Marjorie was going to go ahead and say it. “I hate to lose you, but I’m just too old to be managing properties and going back and forth between places. And if we have to hire a company...”
Liss let her mind wander. She’d heard Marjorie’s hand-wringing on the subject already. She was agreeing to move out; she didn’t know why she needed to subject herself to her landlord’s woes. Which was potentially a little bit unsympathetic, but she was the one who was being massively inconvenienced, so maybe not.
“Okay, sweetie, I’ve got to go,” Marjorie said.
“Okay, talk to you later.” Liss hung up and set her phone on the table. She looked up at Jeanette. “Is it okay if I make one more personal call?”
Jeanette waved a hand. “I’m not the warden. Do your business.”
Liss picked her phone up and dialed Connor’s cell phone number. He still had a flip phone, and half the time it didn’t ring, but it was still worth a try, because she knew he was out in the field right now, rather than at home.
Much to her very pleasant surprise, Connor answered on the second ring. “Liss?”
“Hi, Connor. I just wanted to say...I guess I’m moving in this weekend.”
“I guess I’ll be at your house early Saturday with a truck.” He sounded a little bit dazed, and she couldn’t blame him. She felt a little bit dazed.
“I’ll be waiting. With groceries. As per the agreement.”
“All right, then, Saturday.”
“Saturday,” she repeated, before hanging the phone up.
It wasn’t that big of a deal. It wasn’t a deal at all.
Maybe if she repeated that to herself a few more times she would start to believe it.
CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_41de6532-f2e6-574d-acfd-55a3053f5148)
IT WAS MOVING DAY. Connor had to be at Liss’s house by nine. Which meant he’d been out on his horse by six. The morning air had a mean bite, but he didn’t mind. The needle pokes of wind against his skin, combined with the pounding of his horse’s hooves on the soft ground, went a long way in wiping his mind clean.
Connor rode through the empty field, clumps of mud and grass flying up behind him, hitting the back of his shirt. The clearing was flanked by a grove of trees on the left, and a steep, evergreen-covered pitch of rock on the right. The sky above was filled with gray, misty clouds that seemed to be rolling down toward earth, swallowing the tops of the mountains that surrounded the ranch.
This was morning here in Copper Ridge. All shades of deep green, blue and gray. Until the sun came out and burned the cloud cover away, flooding the ranch with golden light, drawing the scent of dirt, moss, pine out, then washing it all with an ocean breeze. For Connor this was as close to spiritual as it got. Being in this place, this town, where vast stretches of water met vast open land. Where all the essential sources of life were ready and available. This place was in his blood, in his soul.
This land had been here before him, before his family had fenced it, cultivating it, but never taming it. To the best of his ability he would see it was here long after he was gone. In his mind, progress could never mean man-made development on land like this. Progress would be when people realized that everything they needed was already here.
He ignored the hollow ache in his stomach that was trying to remind him even here, even now, he felt a little bit empty.
That even now, with the golden sunlight poured over the evergreen trees, he felt cold down to his soul. That no matter how bright the light shone, it never seemed to touch him.
He ignored that, because there was nothing he could do with it.
He pulled back on the reins, bringing his horse to a stop, taking a moment to survey his surroundings. It was still here. It was early enough in the morning that even the wind was still. It was the kind of vast silence that would swallow up the sound of a man’s voice, consuming it as if he had never spoken.
One man wasn’t powerful enough to disturb beauty like this. It made him feel small, and consequently it made some of his problems feel a lot smaller.
He dismounted from his horse, dropping the reins and leaving her standing there. He walked forward, toward the middle of the clearing, and looked up. For the first time he saw a small patch of blue sky, a ray of sun bursting through.
He closed his eyes, keeping his face angled upward, letting the warmth seep through his skin, praying it would reach his bones.
It didn’t. But it hit him just then that this was the first morning he had woken up without a hangover in quite a while. He hadn’t had a drink last night. He’d been too focused on what it would mean to bring Liss into the house.
He opened his eyes and looked at the sun, and his head didn’t hurt.
All things considered, he figured it would be a pretty good moving day.
* * *
THEY’D ATTACKED THE PROJECT of moving Liss much like a barn raising. All hands on deck, finished by the end of the day. Ultimately, nothing was left undone except for a few empty boxes still in need of disposal, and paper plates with the remnants of pizza, along with a few empty beer bottles, stationed throughout Connor’s house. Of course, there hadn’t been much to move into the house itself.
A bedroom’s worth of furniture, and all her clothes, books and a few kitchen gadgets she hadn’t been willing to part with.
Everything else had gone into a vacant outbuilding on the Garrett property. Which was going to save her a lot in storage fees. Between letting her borrow space on the ranch, space in Connor’s house and the use of their muscles—including Jack’s—Liss was starting to feel as if she was taking an awful lot.
And that feeling, that feeling of being in debt to somebody else, always made her feel uncomfortable. She felt as though it forced her to keep a running tally on what she had contributed versus what someone else had contributed. Because she never wanted to be on the wrong side of that balance.
She took a deep breath and tried to banish the tightness in her chest. The moving crew, comprised of Eli, Sadie, Kate, Jeanette and Jack, had all gone home, leaving her there in her new space, with her new roommate.
She took a deep breath and walked over to the kitchen sink, looking out at the wall of trees that stood between the house and the mountains. It didn’t feel weird to be here. Of course, she didn’t know why she had thought it might. Well, she supposed it was because she was living here now, instead of visiting. But then, she was much more than a casual visitor. Always had been. Even more so in recent years. Because she was bringing him food, having dinner with him, trying to prevent him from drinking himself into a stupor every night, which she had managed with mixed success.
It didn’t feel weird at all to be standing here. No, it felt comfortable. This would be comfortable. Yes, comfortable. Like a broken-in pair of boots. Like a late-July afternoon on the hiking trails that wound through the mountains and beneath a canopy of trees.
That kind of comfy.
She heard footsteps behind her, and she turned.
Connor shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocked back on his heels. “You need anything?” he asked.
“No. Still full from the pizza.”
“I know there’s no bathroom right off your bedroom. But I figure you can have that one that’s nearby in the hall. I only use the one off my bedroom.”
She’d kept all of her toiletries in her travel case. She just hadn’t felt comfortable unloading makeup and hair-care products all over a common area. There was moving in, and then there was invading. “Only if you’re sure. I don’t mind keeping that stuff in my room.”
“No way. That’s not practical at all. Just unload it all in there. As far as I’m concerned this is your place, too. I mean, it’s mainly my place, but we’re sharing. Seventy-thirty.”
She laughed. “Generous.”
“Yeah, I think so. Come on, though. This place is huge. I basically have a trail worn between my bedroom and the kitchen, and I hardly go anywhere else. I spend most of my day outside working. Of course, that means I barely clean any room in the house, so I’m sorry about that.”
“Well, I kept my house clean. I have no problem transferring that to here. Honestly, you have no idea how much I’ve been wanting to wipe down your cabinets.”
A lopsided smile curved his mouth. “That kind of sounds dirty.”
“Wiping down your cabinets?” she asked, barely suppressing a grin. “I don’t even want to know what that could be.”
“Do you know what I want?”
She narrowed her eyes. “What?”
“Pie.”
“That had better not be euphemistic pie.” The line of conversation was making her feel strange. A little bit light-headed.
“No, this is literal pie.” He walked to the fridge and opened the door, pulling out a white bakery box and setting it on the island in the center of the kitchen. “Remember Alison? She made those pies for the Fourth of July thing. You know, then my barn burned down and Eli ran her husband off the property.”
“Oh, yes, I vaguely remember that night,” she said drily.
“Anyway, she’s selling pies independently, not just baking for the diner. Because she left her husband right after the thing.”
“Did she?”
“Yep. So I hear from Sadie. It’s not the kind of gossip I would keep up on on my own.” He opened the box and shrugged a shoulder. “Still, I figure it’s nice to help support someone starting a new life.”
Connor being Connor, he was downplaying anything even remotely nice about what he had done. “That’s very thoughtful of you,” she said, moving closer to examine the dessert that was in the box.
“I got pie in exchange for my good deed. I think that nullifies the good deed. My reward is pie.”
“And what variety of pie are we talking?”
“Marionberry.”
“Excellent reward. Do you have ice cream?”
Connor looked up at her, handsome face contorted into an expression of horror. “And whipped cream. I know I might seem uncivilized, but even I have some boundaries.”
“You’re a god among men, Connor Garrett. You have saved me from homelessness—or at least living with my mother—and you’ve given me pie.”
“You can begin paying me back by getting out some plates,” he said.
“Will do.”
She made herself busy getting out plates, ice cream and the whipped cream, which was in the fridge as promised. Apparently, Connor could grocery shop when dessert was involved. Well, dessert or alcohol.
She brought the plates over, and Connor put one piece on each, a very generous-sized piece, because Connor knew she didn’t mess around with desserts.
He didn’t even ask if she wanted the pie warm, because he knew better than that. He put each piece in the microwave for about thirty seconds, and when they were done, she was waiting with a scoop of vanilla ice cream for each.
They both dove right into their pie, eating wordlessly, exchanging looks during bites. “This is good,” Liss said when she was halfway through with her piece.
“Understatement,” Connor said around a mouthful.
“I don’t even know why we bothered to put pieces on the plates. We should’ve just eaten straight out of the box.”
“Because it takes longer to heat up a whole pie?”
“Yeah, good point.” Liss’s thoughts turned to Alison. “So, is Alison still working at the diner?”
“Search me,” Connor said. “I just know she’s trying to make a business out of the baking. It’s hard to start over.”
“You would know.”
“It’s not really the same.”
“Sure it is,” she said, taking another bite as if she could stuff her statement right back into her mouth. She should not be pushing him on this topic, and she knew that.
“No, it’s not the same. She was married to an asshole. She very rightly chose to end that marriage, and because of that finds herself with increased options in life. I didn’t make any choices about changing my life. It just changed.”
But you could make some now. She did not say that out loud. “Fine. But you are still in a new chapter of your life.”
“I should have put that book down a few chapters ago, then. Called it good.”
Liss’s stomach pitched. “I really hope that wasn’t supposed to mean what I think it did.” Right now she was ready to hit him in the face with her pie plate.
“What do you think it meant?”
“I hope you don’t think you should’ve stopped living. Because I don’t want to think about that. Connor, Jessie was one of my best friends. I know it isn’t the same as being married to somebody. I do. But I can’t think about losing you, too. I just can’t. I can’t lose both of you.”
“That’s not what I meant, Liss. I didn’t really mean anything by it.”
“Don’t say things you don’t mean.”
“Sorry, honey. I guess you missed the memo about me being a gigantic bastard.”
Liss sighed. “You are not a bastard. You do a very good impression of one, but I know you aren’t one. Case in point, I am standing in your kitchen with you eating dessert. Your kitchen, that is now my kitchen, too. Because you gave me a place to stay when I needed one. Because you are actually kind of a kick-ass friend. And a good man who buys charitable pies. So enough with the bastard talk.”
“I think you’re the only one who still thinks I’m decent, but I’ll take it.”
Her eyes met his, dark, enticing, with a hint of bitterness, like a coffee bean. Her heart squeezed tight, and she looked down. She didn’t know why this happened sometimes. Why she could stand there and talk to him and feel perfectly appropriate, neutral friendship feelings that she would have while speaking to someone like Jeanette. And then suddenly she would look at him, and things would change. Her breath would catch in her throat, her heart doing tricks. And in those moments he was the furthest thing from just a friend. In those moments he wasn’t just anything. He was everything.
“You are more than decent. And don’t argue with me. Anyway, maybe we should talk about what I can help you with around here?”
“You’re very effectively helping me demolish this pie. That’s appreciated.”
“I will be sure to add pie demolition to my résumé. But beyond helping you reduce the snack foods in your house, I’d like to help. Cleaning for sure, because that benefits me, too. I already do your accounting. But if there’s any other paperwork that you have, I’d be happy to help. I know that Jessie used to handle a lot of the admin.” She had already invoked Jessie’s name once in the past few minutes so she might as well do it again.
“Yeah, I’m pretty behind on some things, I can’t lie about that.” Connor braced his hands on the island, and her gaze was drawn to them. He had nice hands. Strong, square, masculine. He had never worn a wedding ring all that often. The kind of work that he did made the little gold band a hazard. More than one rancher had lost a finger by getting a wedding ring caught on an animal or a tractor. But she was still surprised that he’d taken it off and never put it back on again. In so many other ways she could see he was holding on tightly to the past, but not in that way. Of course, that wasn’t something you asked about. He sighed heavily. “I would like to lie about that. I pretty much do lie about it to Eli.”
“But what’s the point of lying to him? He would just want to help.”
“Yeah, that’s the thing. He wouldn’t be able to help himself. He would jump right in. And then he would resent me for it. And it’s not the resentment I’d mind so much, it’s the fact that he should have his own life. And I shouldn’t be interfering in it with all of my shit.”
“He’s your brother, though. Your shit is his shit.”
“It’s been that way for too long, Liss. I’m not going to do that to him anymore. He has Sadie now, and I just know he’s going to marry her. He’s got to make a family with her. And he should be free to do that. He’s been dealing with other people’s messes for way too long. I don’t need him to do it with mine.”
“That’s what family does. We clean up each other’s messes, because it’s better to do that than to not have family at all.” At least that was what she often told herself, because Madeleine Foster was a mess and a half. And Liss had spent a very good portion of her life cleaning up those messes. She was all in trying to keep her mother happy. Trying to prove her worth. But over the past few years it had started to wear on her. It was an insatiable well she could continue to pour into forever and never satisfy. Never get the one thing she was actually after.
“That’s why you’re good family to have.”
She wondered for a second if he was going to hug her again, like he’d done the other day. Stupid, but that hug was burned into her consciousness. There had been something about it, something that differentiated it from the hugs they’d shared before. It had left her warm and a little bit breathless. Or, more to the point, it had left her a little bit turned on. She’d had a very restless night that night.
All things considered, she really shouldn’t want another hug from him. But she did. Base creature that she was.
It was sort of the story of her life. Stealing a few cheap thrills now and again from innocuous Connor contact. Oh, she didn’t mean to. She didn’t mean to let sparks fly through her veins when his fingers brushed against hers, didn’t mean to go weak-kneed when he smiled and caught her eyes. It was involuntary. And unnecessary. But it happened all the same.
“Well, I’m happy to be your family.” She took a step backward, just in case he did intend to hug her. She needed to curb that before it happened. Because sanity. Because even though her reactions to him were involuntary, and in some ways not entirely unpleasant, it did not mean she had to encourage them. Because, as he just said, he felt all familial toward her. And it was what he needed from her. He did not need her getting gooey over hugs. “If you could leave me a list of things you want to look at tomorrow, I’ll go over it when I get up in the morning and get started.”
“I don’t want you to spend your Sunday doing chores for me.”
“And I want to start as I mean to go on. These are chores. I want to help you. I think I’ve made that perfectly clear by showing up once every couple of weeks with groceries. And by bringing you food so you don’t starve and die.”
“You were sharing that responsibility with Eli.”
“Sure. But I called and reminded him most of the time. Anyway, just leave me a list, and tomorrow I’ll get started.”
“Okay, but I’m afraid you’re going to regret this a little bit.”
She laughed. “Maybe. But that’s future Liss’s problem. Present Liss is going to skip off to bed with a full stomach and not worry about it.”
He shook his head. “Fine, but when future Liss becomes present Liss she’s going to be cursing past Liss.”
“Maybe. But I’ll worry about that tomorrow.”
Yes, this was going to be comfortable. Comfortable, indeed. And as Liss settled into her new bedroom, she knew that she had made the right decision. She was going to be just fine.
CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_950a5c22-1175-5abb-8298-7e07200f36e3)
BY THE TIME Connor got back to the house Sunday night he was tired, dirty and grumpier than a bear with his ass stuck in a beehive. All he wanted to do was grab a beer, sit in front of the TV and pass out.
The damn cows had collapsed the fence on the far end of the property and had ended up scattering into BLM land. It had taken multiple four-wheelers and men to get the craven beasts back where they belonged.
Steak. He wanted steak. That was the other thing he wanted.
He had a feeling it wasn’t a coincidence, considering how obnoxious the damn cows were.
He remembered the list he had left on the counter for Liss that morning, and he perked up slightly. With any luck, the kitchen would be cleaner, and his paperwork would be done. And probably, just because she was Liss, she would’ve made dinner, too. After all, she had to eat, and she had worked all day.
By the time he walked through the entryway and into the kitchen he was almost smiling.
But there was no warm, inviting smell of a home-cooked dinner. Neither was Liss in the kitchen, prancing around in an apron and high heels. He had no idea why he was picturing her wearing that, since he had never seen her wear any such thing; he only knew he had pictured it.
What he had not imagined was Liss storming into the kitchen, barefoot, and wearing jeans and a T-shirt, scowling at him like he’d just voiced his desire to have found her cooking in high heels out loud. “We need to talk.”
“Do we?” he asked, walking to the fridge, opening it, hunting for a beer. He was in trouble, and he wasn’t sure why. He was rarely in trouble with Liss, and Lord knew he had probably earned some that she had never doled out. But as far as he knew he hadn’t done anything wrong today. In fact, all he had done today was work hard and come home to a frowning woman. That was one thing about marriage he had not missed.
“Yes, we do. I was doing that paperwork that you asked me to take care of.”
He arched a brow. “You got a paper cut?”
“I wish, Connor, I wish.”
“I told you it was going to be a pain. You said you wanted to do it.”
“The thing is, Connor, it was not a pain.” She was saying his name a lot. The amount of times she used his name in a sentence seemed directly related to how pissed she was. “Connor, it took me about five minutes to deal with. There were just a few things that needed to be clarified and refilled out. In order for you to get your insurance money. You got the paperwork more than a month ago. I saw the date that was stamped on it. Why didn’t you send it?”
Well, that explained why he was in trouble. He hadn’t realized a whole month had passed since he’d last spoken with the claims office. But in his defense, he hadn’t really thought it was a simple fix. In fact, every time he thought about doing it, a hard knot of stress started to form in his stomach, and he broke out into a cold sweat. So he went and did something else. Anything else. And okay, it might have been easier than he’d imagined it would be, but there was no way it had taken her only a few minutes to do the task.
“I don’t know,” he said, because right then he honestly didn’t.
“That’s not a very good answer. In fact, it isn’t the answer.”
“It’s an answer. It’s the only one I have. I don’t know why I didn’t finish it. It just... Every time I thought about doing it, I didn’t.”
“Connor, this is the only way you’re going to get your barn built. You led me to believe, me and everyone else, that the insurance company was dragging their feet. But they didn’t have all the paperwork because you didn’t do it.”
“I didn’t ask you to get in my face about what you found in the house. I just asked you to take care of it. That too difficult?”
Liss crossed her arms beneath her breasts. “Yes, it is too difficult. I want to understand what’s going on.”
“There isn’t anything going on. I just didn’t get it done.”
“That’s bullshit, Connor. You even had it signed. You just needed to finish the body of the paperwork. All I had to do was fax it over today, and it’s being processed. It was that simple.”
“It wasn’t simple.” He slammed the refrigerator door shut and dragged his fingers through his hair. “Obviously, if it was simple I would’ve done it.”
“But you didn’t. Somehow, I managed.”
“Yeah, well,” he said, throwing his arms out, “I guess I just wonder what the point is. Everything I build, every single thing, just ends up getting destroyed. If I get the money it would just burn, too. Or maybe I would rebuild the barn, and then what? Is it going to be safe?”
His heart was thundering hard, his hands feeling a little bit shaky. He hadn’t realized the outburst was coming until it was over. But he realized, as soon as he had said the words, that they were true.
This ranch had been in his family for generations. And if there was one thing every generation of Garretts had in common, it was loss. When they loved someone, that someone left. When they loved something, it got destroyed. Connor had loved a lot of things. He had added one major bit of himself to this operation, the barn, and it had burned to the ground.
How many more signs from God did he need before he just stopped trying? A guy would have to be a damn hardheaded fool to not realize when things just weren’t going to grow where he planted them.
“You don’t really think that’s going to happen, do you?” Liss asked, her eyes full of concern. She’d looked at him like that twice in the past couple of days. Like he was crazy, like she wanted to hug him and slap him at the same time.
“There are no guarantees.” And she couldn’t argue with him about that. Because he knew it was true. He knew it was true more than anyone. “That barn was something that Jessie and I both wanted for this ranch. I dreamed about something like that. I hated that I had to get it through tragedy. With the money from my old man dying. Hell, who would want that? But I had it. Eli, Kate, they gave their share so that I could have that. So that we can take this ranch and make it better. And then Jessie died, and all of my plans went to shit. Because it doesn’t matter anymore.”
It was hard to describe the kind of desolation he had felt when he lost Jessie. The way the future felt as if it had been erased. But then, there was more to all that than he could tell Liss. More to all of it than he could ever tell anyone.
Because everyone had grieved with him over Jessie’s death. He didn’t want to add to it.
“Connor, I know you’ve been through hell. I remember what a big deal it was to you to have that barn built in the first place. How bittersweet it was, because of your dad. I was there. I remember how excited you were, how excited Jessie was. I remember all of your plans. I know all of those dreams that you had are still somewhere inside of you.”
Pain washed over him, through him. Because he wished what she was saying was true. The simple fact was that those dreams were gone. Dead and buried. He was just doing his best to get through the day. To work the ranch.
The fact that he got up every morning and did his work was about the only thing that separated him from his dad.
The thought was like spikes of barbed wire pushed under his fingernails. He wasn’t like his dad. Michael Garrett had checked out of his children’s lives completely when his wife had left. Leaving the ranch to rot, leaving his kids to take care of themselves, while he drank himself into a stupor on the couch.
Connor took care of the ranch. Connor didn’t have children to neglect.
He rubbed his hand over his heart, trying to ease the intense pain that was spreading from there and moving outward.
“I don’t really have dreams anymore,” he said, feeling stupid talking about this. He wasn’t the kind of guy to drag his feelings out into the open and examine them. He didn’t even like to examine them by himself, under the cover of darkness.
“That’s not what I want for you,” she said, her tone all sad and desperate.
“I can’t... I can’t.” She looked down, blinking rapidly. Great, he had made Liss cry. “Don’t cry for me, Liss. I don’t even cry for myself.”
“Then somebody should cry for you,” she said, looking back up at him, her eyes shining.
“No way. Cry over something that’s worth it. Cry over puppies that are left in the pound, and ice cream scoops that fall off ice cream cones. But don’t cry over me.”
“I can’t make any promises. Connor, the money is going to come soon now. Promise me that you’ll get the barn rebuilt. Or go to Hawaii.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “No, get the barn rebuilt.”
“Why, because Jessie wanted it?”
“No, because you wanted it.”
He had wanted it, though he could barely remember wanting much of anything. Could barely remember being the man he’d been three years ago, ready to start a new phase of his life, everything stretching ahead of him all bright and sunny and new. Instead of a wasteland of routine, of loneliness and grief that never seemed to ease no matter how much time passed, no matter how much he drank.
“It’s hard to remember back that far. Or at least it’s difficult to remember why I cared.”
“You cared because this ranch is in your blood. It still is, Connor. I know it is.”
“Right now the ranch is just under my skin. I spent hours trying to get damn cows back into their pens. Not coincidentally I want to eat a hamburger.”
Liss clapped her hands together. “Right. So let’s make the hamburger happen. The question is, do we want to go to Ace’s? Or the diner?”
“I sort of feel like throwing sharp things at a corkboard. So I vote for Ace’s.”
This was good. If they went out, there would be no more chance for talking. Because there would be too much laughing, and drinking and interacting with people who weren’t him. So Liss wouldn’t be able to hold him under the microscope to the same degree she just had. Their conversation had gone to way too much of a navel-gazing place.
Liss pulled a bright pink rubber band from around her wrist and quickly swept her hair up into a ponytail. “I should just go put some makeup on.”
“What do you need makeup for?”
“If the barn needs painting, you have to paint it, right?”
He stood and stared at Liss, standing there fresh-faced, and damn pretty in his opinion, and puzzled over why she would need painting. “Natural wood is good, too,” he said, somewhat lamely. He was bad at complimenting people. He was out of practice. Not that he’d been all that good at it even when he was in practice.
“Thank you,” she said, her cheeks coloring a little bit. “I think I will at least add a little bit of stain, though. I don’t know. This metaphor has gotten weird.”
“Okay, you go paint. I’m going to hop in the shower because I smell. I’ll only be about five minutes.”
* * *
THE BAR WAS CROWDED, as per usual on a Sunday night. It was very likely most of the town had gone from church straight to drinking. But likely it was needed to get them through the workweek that lay ahead.
But in spite of the impending doom of Monday, the atmosphere was exuberant. Country music was playing over the jukebox, almost every table filled, a small crowd gathered by the dartboards. Some people were still in coveralls, wearing the evidence of the day’s labor, while some were still in suits and ties, evidence of labor of a different sort.
All the bits and pieces of Copper Ridge collided here, and it was easy to see why.
The whole bar had a rustic feel to it, knotted wood on the floor and on the walls, exposed beams on the ceiling. There was half a red rowboat mounted to the ceiling, old fishing nets spilling out of it. It was everything a coastal hole-in-the-wall needed. And, in defiance of its hole-in-the-wall appearance, it had darn fine food.
“You know what you want?” Connor asked.
“Fish-and-chips. Tartar sauce and malt vinegar.”
He nodded once. “Snag a table, will you?”
“Sure. Just a Diet Coke to drink.”
He nodded again, walking over to the bar. She couldn’t help but watch him go. He had put on a plaid button-up shirt, pushed the sleeves past his elbows, revealing that tattoo that fascinated her so much, and the muscles that fascinated her equally.
Only Connor knew what the tattoo meant. He’d come back home one Saturday with the start of it and finished it over the next few weeks. But he’d never said anything about it. And she had never asked. Because the omission was so glaring, it had to be purposeful.
So she let him have it. But after today, she was starting to think she let him have a few too many omissions.
She’d been livid when she’d discovered the paperwork. But then he’d said all those things, and her heart squeezed tight, and all the anger had sort of leaked out and drained away.
And it was impossible to be mad at him now, as he was ordering her food and standing there with his broad back filling her vision, slim waist tapering down to slim hips and... Well, there was no use denying the fact that it was a damn fine ass.
Her cheeks got hot, and she looked down at her hands. She was not going to keep staring at him. Not like that.
She looked up again when he pulled his chair out and sat across from her. He set her Diet Coke down in front of her, his own hand wrapped around a dark brown beer bottle. “Food will be up in a minute.”
“Good,” she said, “I’m starving.”
She looked up, behind Connor, and saw a group of three women, all bleached blonde, all much more made up than she was, staring Connor down. Blonde number one leaned over and whispered something to blonde number two, who then turned her focus to Liss, her frosted-pink lip curling upward into a sneer.
Well, Liss had clearly been measured and found wanting.
Blonde number three tossed her hair over her shoulder and stuck her chest out, as if she was gearing up to go on a mission. And her mission seemed to pertain to Connor.
Oh, dammit. They were headed this way. All of them were headed this way. They made their way up to the table, one moving to Connor’s left, the other two standing on his right. “Hi.” The one Liss had arbitrarily dubbed number three spoke first. “My friends and I had a question.”
Connor looked up, a crease between his brows, his lips pulled down into a frown. “Yes?”
He looked so confused, it was almost cute.
“We were just wondering if your table mate here is your girlfriend or your sister?”
Liss sputtered.
Connor’s frown deepened. “You came all the way over here to ask me that?”
Number three, whom Liss clearly should’ve named number one, reached out and touched Connor’s forearm. Ran her manicured fingertips over the vines of his tattoo. Rage burned in Liss’s chest. She’d never done that. She had never touched his tattoo, and some random woman was trailing her fingertips over the ink on his skin.
“It seemed important,” she said, winking at him. Her eyelashes were fake. Liss was certain.
“She lives with me,” he said, turning his attention back to his beer.
“Doesn’t really answer my question,” Blondie said.
“I don’t see why I should,” he said, his tone uncompromising.
The woman rolled her eyes and gestured to her friends to move on. “Sorry you aren’t in the mood to play, honey,” she said, her parting shot as she wiggled back over to the other side of the bar.
Liss snorted. “Can you believe that?”
“What?”
“Obviously, they did not think I was pretty enough to be your girlfriend.”
“I don’t see why they cared.”
She arched a brow. “Do you really not see?”
He shook his head. “Not really.”
Liss looked closely at his face to see if he was being serious. “Because she was hitting on you. Now, I don’t think my being your girlfriend would’ve deterred her, but I think she wanted to insult me first.”
He waved his hand. “I doubt she was hitting on me.”
“Yes, she was. Women must hit on you all the time.”
“Maybe.” He shrugged, the gesture more uncomfortable than casual. “I don’t really care.”
She should not be happy to hear that. She should be concerned. “You don’t care at all?”
“I’m not in the market for anything.”
“That woman was not in the market for a relationship, Connor. She just wanted...you know, naked stuff.”
“I’m not really in the market for that right now.”
She should not be happy about that, and she should not be interested in exploring the topic further. “Not at all?”
“No. And don’t try to change my mind. You said that you were going to support me being where I wanted to be. Eli has already pushed me about it. Jack won’t shut up about it.”
“I just... I figured...”
One of the new waitresses, someone Liss didn’t know, set their food down in front of them. Both in red baskets, piled high with french fries. “What did you figure?” Connor asked, eating a fry.
“Well, I figured at this point you would be in the market for that. If you had not...gone to market already, so to speak.”
“I don’t have enough energy to fill out my insurance paperwork. Why would you think I had the energy to screw somebody?” He took the top bun off his hamburger and started squirting ketchup on the patty.
Her stomach twisted, and she did her best not to examine it. “Because, typically, it’s something people make time for.” She should talk, since she’d been single for two years, and there had been no screwing.
Connor shrugged and took a bite of his hamburger. “I didn’t come here to get a psychological evaluation. I came here to take out my rage on the cows by eating their brethren. So we can drop the subject now.” He set the hamburger down and looked at his thumb, which had a spot of ketchup on it.
He raised his thumb to his lips and licked the red sauce from his skin. The sight of his tongue moving over bare flesh, even his own flesh, sent an arrow of longing straight down between Liss’s thighs.
“Okay, fair enough.” Yes, she was more than happy to abandon this line of conversation.
“Hey, guys.”
Liss looked up, and Connor looked behind him, to see Jack standing there. “Mind if I pull up a chair?”
“Please,” she said. Anything to break the weirdness of this moment. Why were things weird? Was it because she had moved in?
“Glad you’re here, Jack,” Connor said. “As soon as I finish eating, I’d love to kick your ass at darts.”
“You’re welcome to try.”
Jack joining the group added an air of familiarity, of normalcy. A much-needed injection of it, after the roiling jealousy she’d experienced watching Connor get hit on, and the flash of heat that had assaulted her only moments later.
She had to get a grip. Because, like Connor said, he was in no place to hook up. And even if he were, it wouldn’t be with her.
She wouldn’t want it to be her, anyway. Some things in life are too important to screw up with sex. Her friendship with Connor was one of them. She had decided that years ago, and other than one brief lapse, a few months where she had thought things might be changing between them, she had always thought that.
It was true then; it was true now.
Connor was the best friend she’d ever had, and she would do anything to protect that friendship. Anything.
CHAPTER SIX (#ulink_e3f59eec-c938-54de-a79b-0cf7d551d280)
CONNOR WAS GETTING a late start to the day. Fortunately, his team was good, and he knew that the animals would be taken care of. Still, he hated oversleeping. But he, Jack and Liss had stayed way too late at Ace’s last night, flinging darts at the board, laughing about stupid stuff and in general ignoring the reality of life.
Reality that had slapped him in the face pretty hard this morning when his alarm had gone off. It wasn’t just the fact that they had stayed at the bar late. Once they’d made it home, Connor had had a hell of a time sleeping. It had been as if something was sitting on his chest, making it impossible to breathe, impossible to do anything but lie there, sweat beading on his brow, panic rising in his throat.
Not for the first time, he wished he had accepted medication for his anxiety.
But when the doctor had offered it a couple of years back, Connor had just laughed it off and said he didn’t need a pill when a beer would do the job. But he was getting tired of the hangovers. He was tired of the anxiety, too. Hell, he was tired of all this shit. He would never have thought he’d be the kind of guy to become a head case over a little grief. Or a lot of grief.
It seemed as if he might be, though.
I don’t have enough energy to fill out my insurance paperwork. Why would you think I had the energy to screw somebody?
A flash of last night’s conversation popped into his mind. Had he really said that to Liss? Yeah, he had. He didn’t suppose it was normal to still be this tired. To still be this overwhelmed by what was left. But then, there was nothing normal about losing your entire future. All of your plans. Everything you were.
The finality was the worst part. It just happened. Unexpected, fast. Jessie had gone out to visit with her friends. A normal night, nothing unusual at all.
And she hadn’t come home.
Just like that, every plan for the future gone.
And he was sort of stubbornly sitting here in the present, afraid to plan for a future he’d never wanted in the first place. One where he was alone, single. But here he was, and now... He couldn’t readjust, not again.
He let out a heavy breath and walked to his dresser, jerking open the bottom drawer and digging for some underwear. And there were none. Because he didn’t keep up on his laundry, because he sucked. He sucked at taking care of himself, and he had sucked at taking care of his wife.
Of course it was too late to fix a marriage that had been put asunder by death. But it wasn’t too late to fix the situation with his underwear.
He walked downstairs—wearing nothing but yesterday’s underwear—and headed toward the laundry room. Hopefully there was something in the dryer. He was not the best at keeping up on laundry. Because laundry was terrible. But sometimes he ended up with one or two baskets full of clean clothes, just sitting in there, because he hated to put things away.
Liss had accused him of being a man-child on more than one occasion. He was starting to think she might be right.
It was a pretty sad-sack thing, now that he thought about it. A grown man not being able to see to his own household. But Eli had always done that when they were growing up, after their mother had left. And then Connor had married Jessie, and she had handled all of it. It wasn’t a great excuse. He had always expected for it to be taken care of, and it had been. While he had spent his days working himself blind on the ranch.
He’d intended to change. Because Jessie had asked him to. And because she deserved for him to.
Only then it had been too late.
So he’d gone right back to how he’d always been. Because there was no one to be different for. No one to be better for.
And because of that, he had no clean underwear.
He opened up the laundry room door and saw two baskets filled with clothes on the floor. He opened up the dryer door, and there was a full load in there, too. Okay, he was bound to come up successful in this pursuit.
He started to dig through the dryer and realized pretty quickly he wasn’t looking at his own clothes. He grabbed a basket and stuck it underneath the opening to the dryer, pulling the clothes that were inside out and into said basket.
His hand got caught around something lacy and flimsy, and he looked down and froze. Well, he had found clean underwear. They just weren’t his.
For a full ten seconds he sat there and looked at the mint-green panties that were in his hand. They were delicate, feminine. And very, very tiny. He had never imagined that Liss wore underwear like this beneath her rather sensible outfits. Well, in fairness, he had never thought about Liss’s underwear before.
But he was thinking about them now. He couldn’t stop himself from running his thumb over the soft, flat waistband. He swallowed hard, lifting them up so that he could see the shape.
It was a thong, which was very unexpected. Even more unexpected was the quick image that flashed through his mind of what Liss must look like wearing them. A shadow of copper curls beneath the flimsy lace, and the round, shapely ass that would be displayed to perfection.
He dropped the panties back into the basket and stood up, taking a step back as if there was a rattlesnake in there amid the clothes. Since when did he imagine Liss in her underwear? More important, since when had he noticed that her ass was shapely?
He never had, not consciously. It must be something his subconscious had absorbed. Some kind of male instinct he had thought long destroyed busily cataloging desirable feminine attributes even while his conscious mind was shutting it out.
He reached into the basket next to the one containing Liss’s clothes, stripped off his old underwear and quickly pulled on a new pair, before jerking the laundry room door open and walking out into the kitchen.
Unfortunately, just as he walked in, so did Liss.
Her eyes flew wide, and she took two steps backward, her cheeks turning bright pink. “Sorry.” She turned and walked out of the room as quickly as she had just walked in.
“Dammit,” he growled, stalking back to the staircase and heading back to his room as quickly as possible.
He put on a pair of tan Carhartt pants and a black T-shirt, before going back downstairs to do some damage control. Although, really, there should be no damage to control. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t seen him in various states of undress over the years. It just felt more inappropriate, because he had just been handling her panties.
“Liss?”
“In here,” she said, her voice sounding muffled.
He walked toward the living room and into the room, just in time to see Liss scrambling up from the couch, throwing one of the decorative pillows back onto the cushion. She looked at him, her lower lip sucked between her teeth.
They just sort of stood there, frozen, staring at each other.
Then a gust of air tried to escape Liss’s mouth, turning into a sound that was somewhere between a growl and a snort.
He frowned. “Are you laughing at me?”
Her shoulders shook, her face turning redder. She shook her head, still biting her lower lip.
“I’m serious, Liss. You just saw me in my underwear, and you’re laughing? I have to figure out if I’m insulted by this or not.”
She shook her head again, sitting down on the couch, her face getting redder, the shaking in her shoulders getting increasingly violent.
“Either you’re having a stroke, or you are laughing at the sight of me in my undies.”
She released her lower lip and heaved in a deep breath, a guffaw escaping a second later. “No! No.”
“You’re not laughing.”
“No,” she hooted, “I’m not laughing.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Not at the sight of you in your underwear. I mean, not like you think,” she said, breathless. “It was just so absurd. You were looking at me. I was just looking at you. I happened to walk in and you were in the kitchen, and you were pretty much naked.” She was rambling now, but it was a whole lot better than the alternative.
Because things were kind of jumbled up in his head. And for some reason, he was still picturing her in her underwear, even though he was the one who had been caught in his.
“I thought you were at work.”
“I forgot my cell phone, so I came back because I didn’t have any important appointments this morning. I guess this is a part of negotiating the living situation.”
“I guess.”
She cleared her throat. “Really, though, it’s nothing I’ve never seen before.”
He tried not to be offended by that comment. As though any man in his underwear was exactly the same as him. Really, he had no place to be offended by that comment. Because the sight of him mostly naked should not be remarkable to his best friend. And yet, his masculine ego—which along with his nice-ass radar, was not as dormant as he had believed—was slightly dented.
“True. But then, I’ve seen plenty of women in their underwear—” only one, now two, in person and others in pictures, but Liss didn’t need to know that “—and that does not mean that you’re going to be prancing around in here in a state of undress.” He regretted saying that the moment he did, because it brought to mind those images he was working so hard to banish. “Are you?”
“No. Would you rather I act completely scandalized? Should I have had you fetch the smelling salts?”
“I don’t have smelling salts. All I have is barbecue steak rub. I don’t think it’s the same.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I don’t think so.”
“Okay, so here’s the deal. I won’t assume that you’re not in the house anymore. And I won’t come walking downstairs in my underwear.”
“Deal.”
“Okay,” he said, taking a step away from her, rubbing the back of his neck. “I suppose you need to get back to work. I know I do.”
“Yeah, I should.”
He nodded, a thread of tension stretching between them, and he wanted to banish it. Wanted to do something to get rid of it, because this wasn’t normal. “Great, I’ll see you for dinner.”
“I might go out with Jeanette,” she said quickly.
“Okay. I’ll see you later, then.”
“Yeah, later.”
Connor turned and walked out of the room. It was probably a good thing Liss was going out tonight. After only a couple of days of cohabitation, he felt as though they could maybe use a little space.
But this was normal, this adjustment period. Connor hadn’t lived with anyone in a few years, and he’d lived with Jessie for a long time. Even then, they had a lot of miscommunications and a lot of ups and downs. There was no reason to believe it would be any different with a roommate.
He opened the door and took a deep breath, banishing all the weirdness that lingered inside him. There was no time to worry about any of that. He had a ranch to work on.
* * *
SHE’D HAD FANTASIES about Connor before. Here, in the darkness of her room, she was woman enough to admit that. And yes, she had seen him without his shirt on. They spent a lot of time on the lake, down by the river and on the beach. Copper Ridge was surrounded by water and they, like most of the other residents, made the most of it.
But somehow, seeing him in his underwear was different. Because it wasn’t just his perfectly muscular chest, with a very perfect amount of chest hair sprinkled over it. Or his washboard flat abs and the tattoo that was starting to drive her crazy. No, it was combined with the full scope of his very muscular thighs, compliments of years in the saddle, and, it just...well, and...the very prominent bulge at the apex of said muscular thighs. There. She’d admitted it.
It was burned into her brain now. The image of him standing in his kitchen nearly naked, looking as if he’d just been slapped upside the head with a two-by-four.
She rolled over onto her stomach and buried her head beneath her pillow. She had to be adult about this.
She snorted and rolled back over, uncovering her face. That was the problem. She was being adult about this. Very adult. With lots of adult thoughts and desires and needs.
What were you supposed to do when your adult needs were for your best friend and roommate? Where was her handbook?
“Ignore it,” she said out loud, “like always.”
It was the only thing to do. They would have to go on as though undiegate had never happened. She was just having a little Connor relapse due to the close proximity. Probably not aided at all by the recent amount of time she’d been spending taking care of him. And definitely not helped by her extremely long bout of celibacy and singledom. When things settled down she would have to focus on getting a date. Yes, that would help. A little bit of normalcy, a man who wasn’t Connor filling her time.
Yes, that would help. And if in the meantime, she spent just a little bit of time thinking about how Connor had looked in his underwear, well, she was only human. It didn’t mean anything. Just a little healthy female-to-male appreciation.
That was her story, and she was sticking to it.
CHAPTER SEVEN (#ulink_6ba683d8-5092-54c6-9f71-10d0d686840b)
THE MORNING THE INSURANCE settlement money went into Connor’s bank account he felt as if there was a timer ticking down. And there was a part of him—a much larger part of him than he might have imagined—that wanted to take the money and go down to Cancun. Just disappear from all this for a while, from Copper Ridge, from responsibility.
But he couldn’t do that. Because of the ranch, because of his family, because Eli’s election was coming up, and he had to be there for that.
Damn responsibilities. He would rather have a margarita.
But his family needed him here, and if there was one thing he wouldn’t do, it was abandon them. Their mother had walked out when things had gotten tough, and Connor wasn’t going to do the same.
No, he wasn’t his mother in this little play. He was the one who was left behind.
He was a lot closer to being his father.
He gritted his teeth. No, he wasn’t. He saw to his responsibilities.
Like getting the barn built?
Yeah, he had to get the barn built. He had enough money to hire a crew to come out and get it done, which meant he needed to get started as soon as possible. There was no excuse. Maybe that was something else Liss could help him with.
Liss. That was also feeling slightly difficult at the moment.
And it was his fault. Because she had seemed fine after their little mostly naked run-in a few days ago. But his brain had latched on to the vivid image of what she might look like in the mint-colored thong and hadn’t let go. It was starting to drive him crazy.
On the long list of things he never wanted to talk to anyone about was the effect grief had on his sex drive. It just wasn’t something anyone needed to know about. Yes, they all had a fair idea he wasn’t getting any, if only because it was a small town, and they all lived in each other’s pockets.
Okay, the town at large didn’t know, but Eli knew that he didn’t see women coming back to the property, and Jack knew that when he left the bar with a woman, Connor always left alone.
They wouldn’t have to ponder his actions too hard to figure that out. Plus, he had admitted as much to Eli during the world’s most horrific conversation a few months back. But what he hadn’t admitted was that it was more than not feeling like engaging in a flirtation or a hookup.
It was that his give-a-damn was busted on such a bone-deep level that he didn’t even fantasize about hooking up. It was pretty easy to abstain when you didn’t even feel like jacking off to deal with a morning erection.
A morning erection that had become a lot more insistent since Liss’s thong had come into his life.
Connor groaned and scooped up a pitchfork full of manure from his horse’s stall and chucked it into the back of the truck. He was going to deal with this the way he had dealt with it back in high school. Hard work. That was, in his experience, the world’s most effective boner killer. Except for the obvious. And he wasn’t going to do either obvious thing. For equally obvious reasons.
“Hey, Connor, did that pitchfork do something terrible to you?”
Connor turned and saw Eli standing at the entrance to the stalls. “I’m shoveling shit, Eli. How excited am I supposed to look?”
“All right, fair enough. You just don’t normally look actively angry while doing it.”
Connor stuck the pitchfork into the shavings and leaned against it. “I got my insurance money today.”
“Well, damn,” Eli said, monotone. “Those bastards. Finally settling the score with you. I have half a mind to go and slap handcuffs on them.”
“I didn’t ask for your sarcasm.”
“I don’t know why you’re standing there looking so upset about finally getting what you’ve been working toward for the past few months.”
Connor winced internally. But he was not about to have the same argument with Eli that he had already had with Liss. “I guess it’s just time to rebuild. And I have a hard time feeling very enthusiastic about rebuilding. I don’t have a great track record, Eli. I don’t know if you’ve noticed.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I tried to do the best I could by this ranch. By the family. But every time I try to make something better, nature finds a way to burn it to the ground, for lack of a less obvious metaphor.”
Eli frowned. “I know things have been hard, but everything that’s happened...do you really think that’s all about you?”
“Sure, or I have a lightning rod above my head. It’s either that or it’s random, Eli. Tell me which one is supposed to make me feel better.”
Eli rubbed his hand over his forehead. “I doubt anything I could say would make you feel better. Except that no matter the answer, you have to keep doing things.”
“Sometimes I’d rather not.”
“That was what Dad did,” Eli said. The total lack of judgment in Eli’s voice made the statement even worse. As though he couldn’t blame their dad, and wouldn’t blame Connor, either. But Connor would. Connor did.
“Yeah, well, it’s not what I’m going to do. I work, don’t I? I work the ranch every day. Not leaving it to my kids to do, not that I have any, but you get the point.” Connor let out a long, slow breath. “It hasn’t escaped my notice that anything new I bring onto this ranch seems to die.” He met his younger brother’s gaze. “Tell me that’s not true.”
“I can’t,” Eli said, his voice strained. “Connor, you’re probably the only person on this earth more connected to Jessie’s death than I am. I was there. I was the one who had to tell you. I feel it. The brutality of it, the suddenness of it. I feel it down to my bones. Please know that I don’t take what you’ve been through lightly. And when I tell you I think you need to move on, when I tell you that I want to see you happy, it’s not because I don’t realize what you went through. Because I was there, Connor.”
Connor knew Eli was talking about his reaction to his wife’s death. Eli was the only witness to that moment, and he was probably the only one who remembered it with any real clarity. Connor could hardly piece together the memory, and it was probably all for the best. The moments after the words had left Eli’s mouth had been a blur.
* * *
IT WAS LATE, and the only person he’d been expecting was Jessie, so the knock at the door was a surprise. Connor opened the door, and his brother turned to face him, something in his expression strange. Wrong. The porch light was on, a ring of gold surrounding Eli’s frame.
Eli stepped inside, not saying a word. Another thing that seemed wrong.
“Connor, go on and sit down.”
He complied, because he’d never seen his brother look quite so desolate. Not even when their mother had left. Not even after their father had died.
“There was an accident tonight,” he said, his voice breaking.
And he didn’t even have to finish the sentence, because right then Connor knew. His whole body went cold, and something in his gut turned, and he knew. He knew it wasn’t Eli, his brother, just paying a visit, but a sheriff’s deputy doing his duty. A brother doing his duty.
“Jessie died tonight, Connor.”
* * *
THERE HAD BEEN nothing after that. Just a kind of strange buzzing in his head that wouldn’t go away. And he was aware of saying things, but not of what he’d said. He couldn’t remember anything that had happened after Eli spoke those words. He couldn’t remember the rest of the night or the whole next day. A full twenty-four hours that were gone forever.
A gift, he imagined.
“Even knowing that,” Eli continued, “I want you to have more.”
But Eli didn’t know everything. And Connor knew, in spite of his brother’s good intentions, he thought he understood and empathized a bit better than he did.
“I want you to have what I have,” Eli said. “I didn’t think I wanted to find love, but then I met Sadie. And everything changed.”
Everything changed.
For some reason that part of the sentence stuck out in Connor’s mind. But he didn’t want to overthink it. “Yeah, and after what we’d been through as kids, deciding to go ahead and get married wasn’t the easiest decision for me. But that’s what happens when you fall in love,” Connor said. “I know Sadie is this new chapter of your life, and I think because of the timing, you don’t quite equate it with me losing Jessie. But that’s what it is. What if you lost her, Eli? Would you want someone else?”
Eli looked away. “No,” he said, his voice rough. “But I only mean it... I was afraid, too. Remember, we had this discussion. That love came here to die. But I found love again, and there was no room for me to stay scared when I found it. Just stay open. And...maybe start small. Like with building a barn.”
Connor cleared his throat. “I can do that.”
“If Jack were here, he would suggest adding sex to that list.”
Heat burst through Connor’s veins, because that word had become inextricably linked to the mint-colored thong. “I don’t want to have this discussion with you. We tried it once. Let’s never repeat it.”
Eli shifted, obviously uncomfortable. “Well, I don’t want to have the discussion. I just worry about you, dammit.”
“Stop it. I don’t need you to worry about me. I need you to focus on your woman and your campaign.”
“Speaking of my campaign, and speaking of your barn...”
Connor crossed his arms over his chest. “What about it?”
“If you can get the barn built in time, I’d love to have a party out here on election night. We’ll set up a TV and watch the results and we’ll have a party. A big barbecue.”
“Sadie has bewitched you. Because only six months ago you would’ve gagged and died thinking about having a party here.” Connor rubbed his chin. “Come to think of it, last time we had a party here, planned by Sadie, you burned my fucking barn down.”
“And I’m willing to take the risk again. Because a barn is meant to be used.”
Connor gritted his teeth and forced his brain not to apply that statement as a broader metaphor for life. Or for his dick.
“Fine. If it’s on track to be structurally sound by election night, it’s yours.” And now the construction of the barn was for someone else, and that meant he had to get it done. “I’ll make some calls today.”
Eli took a step forward and slapped Connor on the back, which was about the closest they ever got to a touching moment. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”
“This is your ranch, too. You live on the property. Name is on the deed. It’s not a favor. It’s your right.”
“Stop trying to act like you’re a 100-percent-mean son of a bitch,” Eli said. “It’s only about 85 percent.”
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Maisey Yates
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: There are lines best friends shouldn′t cross, but in Copper Ridge, Oregon, the temptation might be too much…If practice makes perfect, Connor Garrett should be world champion of being alone. Since losing his wife he′s concentrated exclusively on his family′s ranch. Until Felicity Foster needs a place to stay and Connor invites her to move in temporarily. That′s what friends do. What friends don′t do? Start fantasizing about each other in their underwear. Or out of it…Since high school, Liss has kept her raging crush in check. But helping Connor rebuild his life only reinforces how much she longs to be a part of it. One explosive encounter, and she′ll discover that getting what you always wanted can feel better than you ever dreamed…There are lines best friends shouldn′t cross, but in Copper Ridge, Oregon, the temptation might be too much…If practice makes perfect, Connor Garrett should be world champion of being alone. Since losing his wife he′s concentrated exclusively on his family′s ranch. Until Felicity Foster needs a place to stay and Connor invites her to move in temporarily. That′s what friends do. What friends don′t do? Start fantasizing about each other in their underwear. Or out of it…Since high school, Liss has kept her raging crush in check. But helping Connor rebuild his life only reinforces how much she longs to be a part of it. One explosive encounter, and she′ll discover that getting what you always wanted can feel better than you ever dreamed…