Yuletide Proposal
Yuletide Proposal
Lois Richer
SMALL-TOWN REUNION Helping children in her hometown is a dream fulfilled for single mother Brianna Benson. But being back in Hope, New Mexico, isn’t easy for the medical clinic’s new child psychologist. Ten years ago, the night before her wedding, Brianna discovered that her fiancé, Zac Enders, betrayed her—and she left town in tears.Now a school administrator, Zac is asking for her help with kids at risk. Such as her own troubled son. But how can she work with the man who broke her heart? As Christmas approaches, the gift of reunited love is waiting to be unwrapped. Healing Hearts: Love is always the best medicine
Small-Town Reunion
Helping children in her hometown is a dream fulfilled for single mother Brianna Benson. But being back in Hope, New Mexico, isn’t easy for the medical clinic’s new child psychologist. Ten years ago, the night before her wedding, Brianna discovered that her fiancé, Zac Enders, betrayed her—and she left town in tears. Now a school administrator, Zac is asking for her help with kids at risk—such as her own troubled son. But how can she work with the man who broke her heart? As Christmas approaches, the gift of reunited love is waiting to be unwrapped.
“What’s your primary objection to working with me?” Zac asked.
“We have a past,” she said bluntly. “You must remember we seldom agreed on how things should be done.”
“I remember. And I remember we made it work anyway.” A crooked smile tipped his lips.
“Yes, well.” She coughed, searching for composure. “It simply wouldn’t work, Zac. I’m sorry.”
“You could make it work, Brianna. The past is over. There’s nothing between us now, after all these years. What happened when we were kids isn’t going to affect me now.”
His words stung, though they shouldn’t have.
Nothing between us after all these years.
Her fingers automatically rose to touch the chain that held the engagement ring he’d given her one Christmas Eve, hidden beneath the fabric of her blouse.
“Don’t say no, Brianna. Next weekend is Homecoming. It could be the kickoff for a new plan. Think about it until tomorrow. That would still leave us a week to plan something.”
“I’ll think about it.”
LOIS RICHER
began her travels the day she read her first book and realized that fiction provided an extraordinary adventure. Creating that adventure for others became her obsession. With millions of books in print, Lois continues to enjoy creating stories of joy and hope. She and her husband love to travel, which makes it easy to find the perfect setting for her next story. Lois would love to hear from you via www.loisricher.com (http://www.loisricher.com), loisricher@yahoo.com (http://loisricher@yahoo.com) or on Facebook.
Yuletide Proposal
Lois Richer
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
O God, you have declared me perfect in your eyes.
—Psalms 4:1a
For Barry, with love and celebration
for 30 amazing years.
Contents
Chapter One (#udc2ed5ff-22bf-5490-80d5-cfc1c0fdb4c1)
Chapter Two (#u8ccad427-0aff-5281-9d8a-12a16d9fea2f)
Chapter Three (#ude6156f4-80be-5a86-8bf9-1a24cc5347c3)
Chapter Four (#u9b1ed99a-5d28-53d1-b91a-0e7542787025)
Chapter Five (#ub700853d-f5c4-55a7-9c1d-de633ded384f)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Dear Reader (#litres_trial_promo)
Questions for Discussion (#litres_trial_promo)
Excerpt (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One
“Hello, Brianna.”
The past ten years had been kind to her former fiancé.
Though Brianna Benson scrutinized Zac Ender’s lean, tanned face, she found no sign of aging to mar his classic good looks. Even more surprising, his espresso eyes still glowed at her with warmth in spite of their past.
“Good to see you,” Zac continued, inclining his head to one side, a smile flirting with lips that once, long ago, she’d kissed. He bent slightly to thrust out a hand, which she shook and quickly released.
“Good to see you, too,” Brianna replied.
Zac had always bemoaned his height because an incident in his childhood to his knee left him unable to play basketball. To extra tall Brianna, Zac’s height was an asset not often found among the boys she’d known in high school.
That was only one of the things she’d once loved about him.
“How are you?” he asked.
“I’d be better if you hadn’t called me out of a session with one of my clients,” Brianna grumbled. She’d been back home in Hope, New Mexico, for two months. She’d been the psychologist at Whispering Hope Clinic where the high school referred their students for counseling for almost that long. So why had Zac waited until today, at ten past eleven, to renew their acquaintance?
He leaned back on his heels, studying her. “You look great.”
“Thanks. You’re director of education, huh?” Brianna’s nerves skittered at the way he studied her. Why was Zac back in Hope? More important, why was she reacting to him like some teen with a crush? “I didn’t realize you’d given up teaching.”
“I haven’t given up teaching. Just changed my focus to administration.” His unblinking stare rattled her. “It’s been a long time.” He said it as if they’d parted the best of friends when actually she’d run away from him on the morning of their wedding.
She raised one eyebrow. The only defense she could summon to battle the emotions he raised was disdain. “That’s why I’m here, Zac? To reminisce?”
“No.” His head gave a quick negative shake. “Of course not.”
Frustrated that her traitorous pulse was doing double time, that her palms still tingled though she’d released his hand, that yet again she couldn’t control something in her messed up world, Brianna sighed.
“So would you please tell me what is so important that I had to leave work on my busiest clinic day to come here?” she asked, except she really didn’t need him to tell her because she knew with heart-sinking certainty that it was Cory. It had to be. She’d expected returning to Hope would give her troubled son the fresh start he needed to turn his world around.
“Let’s discuss this in private. My office is this way.” Zac stood back, waiting for her to precede him.
The warmth stinging Brianna’s face had nothing to do with the late-September heat outside and everything to do with the curious eyes of the office staff now fixed on her. She walked past Zac toward the office at the rear of the hall. As she passed, her nose twitched at the familiar pine scent of his aftershave. Some things never changed.
“Have a seat.” He sat down behind his large, austere desk only after she was seated. That was Zac, manners all the way. His mother’s influence. If only her mother had been like that—caring instead of trying to force her daughter to give up her dream for a business she detested.
You can do anything, Brianna. You just have to believe in yourself.
Zac’s words echoed from those halcyon days. But there wasn’t much else to remind her of the shy, geeky boy who’d tutored her through junior and senior year so she could win a scholarship to college. Even his bottle-bottom glasses were gone, revealing the hard straight lines of his face. This mature Zac was confident and completely at ease.
“I don’t want to say this, Brianna,” he began, tenting his fingers on his desktop.
Her fingers tightened on the arm of her chair.
“Your son, er, Cory.” He paused.
“Zac, I know who my son is.” She steeled herself. “Get on with it, please.” Her heart cried at the thought of Cory messing up this last opportunity.
“He was on drugs in school today.”
“What?” Brianna gaped at him in disbelief. This was the very last thing she’d expected.
“Yes. In fact, Cory was so wound up, he hit another student in the hallway. Or tried to. Fortunately he missed and passed out on the floor.” Zac’s voice dropped forcing her to lean forward to hear. “I was really hoping drugs would not be one of the issues here.”
What had she brought her son home to?
“Cory doesn’t do drugs.”
“He took something today.” A touch of irritation dimmed Zac’s dark brown eyes.
“Is he all right?” She breathed a little easier at his nod and began summoning the courage to go to battle for her son—again—when Zac continued.
“He’s a little groggy, but the school nurse assures me the drug has almost completely worn off.”
“Cory doesn’t use drugs. I mean it, Zac.” Brianna held up a hand when he would have spoken. “You’ve seen his record. He’s made a lot of mistakes, but drugs are not one of them.”
“Yes, Cory said that, too.” Zac leaned back, face inscrutable.
“He did?” She narrowed her gaze. “When?”
“When I talked to him a little while ago.”
“Without me present?” she asked sharply.
“I was acting as guardian for the child, Brianna,” Zac defended. “Not as an enforcer, or policeman—to give him a penalty. I need to get to the bottom of this, and Cory provided some perspective.” He paused. “What I’m going to tell you now is off the record.”
“Okay.” Brianna nodded, confused.
“I believe Cory was tricked into taking something. He said someone gave him a drink. I discussed his symptoms with a doctor friend who works with emergency-room overdoses in Santa Fe. He suggested Cory may have been given a powerful psychotic.” The name of the drug made her gasp.
“That’s a prescribed substance!”
He nodded. “The police tell me they haven’t seen it in town before.”
In spite of the word police, something about Zac’s attitude reassured her, though Brianna wasn’t sure why. “What happens now?”
Zac was silent for several moments. His steady brown gaze never left her face.
“Are you suspending Cory?” she demanded.
“Not at the moment.”
“Then—” She arched her eyebrow, awaiting an explanation.
“I’ve been through this before, Brianna.”
“Through what?” She’d expected anger from Zac. Loathing. Disgust. Something different than this—understanding. “You mean you’ve seen drugs in school before?”
“Yes.” Zac nodded. His jaw visibly tensed. The words emerged in short clipped sentences. “Several years ago I taught a student who was also given drugs without his knowledge.”
“Oh.” She waited.
“Jeffrey had a lot of difficulties at home and at school. The high he got from that one time made him feel he’d escaped his problems, I guess.” Zac shook his head, his voice tight with emotion. “It wasn’t long before he became addicted.”
“I’m sorry,” she said to break the silence. Zac clearly struggled to tell her his story.
“Jeffrey called me the night before he died.” Zac licked his lips. Beads of moisture popped out on his forehead. “I think he was looking for a reason to live, but I couldn’t talk him out of committing suicide.” His ragged voice showed the pain of that failure lingered.
“How sad.” She ached for the anguish reflected in Zac’s dark gaze. He’d always been determined to help students achieve. This tragedy would have decimated him.
“Jeffrey was the brightest kid in the school.” Zac’s mouth tightened. “He’d already been accepted at Yale. He had his life before him, but because someone slipped him that drug, his potential was wasted.”
Brianna didn’t know what to say so she remained quiet, silently sharing the grief that filled his eyes and dimmed their sparkle. Suddenly the earlier awkwardness she’d felt didn’t matter.
“It’s okay.” She offered the soothing response she often used at the clinic.
“It’s not.” Zac’s shoulders straightened. His chin lifted and thrust forward. “It’s not okay at all. That’s why I have to nip this in the bud now.”
“Nip this—I don’t know what you mean.” Dread held her prisoner. Something was going on behind that dark gaze. Would her son be expelled? Would Zac punish her son because of what she’d done?
“I refuse to allow drugs to ruin another young life. Not Cory’s. Not anyone’s.” Zac blinked. His eyes pinned hers. “I’m going to need your help, Brianna.”
“My help?” She gaped at him. “I’ll certainly talk to Cory, get the whole story and help him understand how easily drugs can cause damage we never expect. But what else can I do?”
“More. A lot more, I hope.” Zac rose and began pacing behind his desk, his long legs eating up the distance in two strides. Nervous energy. He’d always been like that. “Let me explain. I came here—actually I specifically chose Hope because school test scores are rock-bottom, the lowest in the state.”
She listened attentively as he haltingly told her of the purpose he’d set for himself since Jeffrey had died. Zac spoke of making a difference, of helping kids find their own potential so that drugs weren’t even a consideration. His words reminded Brianna of his youthful eagerness to teach when they’d both been students at college, when their goals had been the same—to help kids uncover their potential.
“You must have seen the test scores in the files of the students you’ve counseled at the clinic,” he said.
“Yes.” Brianna nodded. “Pathetic.”
“Last year was my first year in this job and it was an eye-opener. I found a major lack of initiative, total boredom and a host of other issues. But I never found drugs.”
Brianna grew engrossed in his story of trying to create change until she glanced at her watch and realized she didn’t have much time to see Cory before her next appointment.
“I’m sorry it’s been so difficult, Zac,” she interrupted, rising. “Though I don’t know the first thing about combating drugs in schools. Education is your field.” His slow smile and those bittersweet-chocolate eyes, glittering with suppressed excitement, made her pause. “What?”
“You know a lot about motivating people, Brianna. You always did, even before you started practicing psychology. Inspiring people is in your blood.” He held her gaze with his own. “I doubt that’s changed.”
Surprised that he’d harked back to a past that could only hold painful memories for both of them, Brianna frowned.
“Remember when there were no funds for our school choir to go to that competition?” Zac’s grin flashed. “You were the one who roused everybody and got them to pitch in and raise money for the trip.”
“You want me to raise money?” she asked dubiously, confused by his excitement.
“No,” he said and continued as if she hadn’t interrupted. “When Jaclyn’s sister died, you were the one who made a schedule to ensure her friends would be with her during the first hard days after the funeral. You were the one who helped Jaclyn solidify her goal for Whispering Hope Clinic, and you were the one who kept that dream alive even though your other partner left town.”
“It wasn’t just Jaclyn’s goal. Jessica was my dearest friend. I vowed to keep her memory alive by making sure no other kid ever went through what she suffered because of a lack of medical help. That’s why I came back to Hope, to help kids,” she said.
“I know.” Zac smiled. “You’re an encourager, Brianna.”
What was with the trip down memory lane? It sounded as if Zac was praising her, but that couldn’t be. Brianna had jilted him!
“You’re a motivator who inspires, and you’re very, very good at it. I’ve always admired that about you.”
Admired her? Brianna bristled, irritated that his memory was so selective. The words spurted out without conscious thought.
“If you admired me so much, how come you betrayed me the night before our wedding?”
That was so not the thing she wanted to say to Zac Ender after ten long years. Brianna clapped a hand over her mouth and wished she’d never answered his summons this morning.
“I—wh-what?” Zac’s face was blank, his stern jaw slack.
Brianna had to escape.
“Look, I have to go. I have another appointment.” She grabbed her purse and headed for the door. “Perhaps we can talk about this again another time,” she murmured.
“Count on it.”
The firm resolve behind his words startled her into turning to look at him.
“We’re not finished, Brianna.”
She wasn’t sure whether that was a threat or a promise and she didn’t want to consider either at the moment. For some reason she couldn’t figure out, Zac still got to her. She needed time to get her defenses back up.
“I’ll talk to Cory,” she promised and left.
Brianna breathed deeply as she headed back to the clinic. Once there she paused a moment to study the exterior of the building that housed Whispering Hope Clinic and to remember how the dream had started. Jessica’s cancer had been diagnosed too late because of a doctor shortage in Hope. As they watched the disease decimate her, Jessica’s sister, Jaclyn, Brianna and their friend Shay had made a pact to one day return to this little town in New Mexico and open a medical clinic for kids to ensure no child ever went without help again. Jaclyn was now the pediatric physician at Whispering Hope Clinic. Brianna was a child psychologist and hopefully Shay would soon join them to offer physiotherapy.
Brianna’s mother had never understood how deeply Jessica’s death had affected her daughter, or how that death had prompted Brianna to volunteer in the hospital’s children’s ward. But it was there Brianna had learned to listen. That’s what she’d been doing on the school steps one afternoon with Shay and Jaclyn. A teacher had later commented on her ability to encourage, and then urged Brianna to consider becoming a counselor. Desperate to escape her mother’s expectation that she take over the family business, Brianna focused on her own plan—attend college, get her doctorate and return to Hope to keep her vow. Her mother’s refusal to help her reach that goal sent Brianna to seek help from the smartest kid in school, Zac. Once she’d thought he loved her but his perfidy had sent her away from Hope and she’d struggled to achieve her goal on her own.
Now that she was finally back in Hope, fulfilling the dream she’d cherished for so long, Brianna could not afford to get sidetracked by handsome Zac Ender.
* * *
Zac ran every evening after sunset, when the community of Hope was nestled inside their houses with their families around them. Usually he used the lonely time to review his progress in reaching his goals. But tonight his thoughts wandered back ten years to a time when he’d been so certain life couldn’t get any better; when Brianna Benson said she loved him and he’d loved her.
Zac knew now that he’d been deceiving himself. What did he know about loving a woman? He hadn’t had a father growing up, nobody to teach him anything about relationships, especially how to be the kind of husband Brianna needed. He’d always had a social disadvantage. Those first few years after the car accident that had killed his father had left Zac so badly injured he’d had to endure ten years of surgeries just to walk again. Maybe that’s when the lingering feelings of abandonment had taken root; maybe he was a loner because he’d never had a role model to show him how to become a man who could open up to a woman, to expose his deepest fears and his worst scars and trust that she would still care for him in spite of everything. Maybe that lack of inner harmony was why he never felt God had any particular use for a man like Zac Ender.
But for that tiny space in time ten years ago, Zac had believed marriage to pretty Brianna was the answer to his prayers. Then, her long, coffee-colored curls had framed her heart-shaped face. Her perfect white smile had engaged everyone and her hazel eyes had sparkled gold glints in their green depths as she’d cheered him on. Zac had bought into her dream that he could finally shed his inhibitions and open up to people as she did, without freezing up. For a little while he imagined it was possible to shed the inner lack of confidence which had branded him a laughingstock from the first awkward day his health had improved so much he’d finally been granted permission to quit homeschooling. He’d walked into Miss Latimer’s seventh-grade math class full of excitement and found he couldn’t answer a question he’d studied two years earlier. Instead he’d stuttered and stammered until Miss Latimer had called on someone else. Even now, all these years later, the sting of the other kids’ snickers and scorn still caused a mental flinch. As time passed, Zac had accepted their branding of the nerd who never fit in.
But in college, Brianna tantalized him with a self-concept that hinted at the possibility of him becoming poised and able to communicate in any situation. Though Zac had improved his communication skills thanks to Brianna’s tutelage, he now recognized that back then, inside, in the recesses of his heart, he’d never outgrown being that ashamed, embarrassed kid who couldn’t use words to express what was on his mind. Secretly, even then, he’d always feared that one day the vivacious, energetic and exuberant Brianna would realize he could never be the outgoing husband she wanted, that God simply hadn’t made him that way. The day her dad told him Brianna had run away from their wedding, the bubble of Zac’s pretend world burst.
Now, ten years later, Brianna had changed, and not just by cutting her hair into a pixie style that framed her face and made her eyes the focal point. Zac had changed, too. He knew who he was and exactly what his failings were. He was a nerd and he didn’t fit in. God didn’t mean for him to be a missionary or a minister. He didn’t gift Zac with social abilities. Zac still struggled to speak in public. Certainly God didn’t expect him to express his faith publicly, other than by attending church. Zac had no illusions about God ever turning him into a public figure. But Zac had a plan. And he’d done what he planned, gotten his degrees, advanced his career. He’d set very high goals for himself. None of them included romance. He had no intention of failing twice.
But now Zac had reached all his objectives save one. It was time to climb the final rung and prove to the world that nerd or not, Zac Ender wasn’t a failure. It was time to make his move from delivering education to formulating curriculum. To do that, he needed success. He’d chosen Hope High School as his proving ground.
Success in the only field he was good at was achievable, particularly if he could get Brianna’s help.
Zac thought he’d feel awkward with her today. But after the first few moments he hadn’t. It seemed natural to seek the opinion of the school division’s psychologist about a matter relating to school issues. He’d kept things cool and businesslike between them. No emotion, no harking back to their past mistake.
Until she’d made that comment “How come you betrayed me the night before our wedding?”
Zac jogged up his driveway and made his way to the back deck. He stretched out, gasping for breath as her words played over and over. Finally, when his breath evened, when he’d settled into a patio chair with a bottle of water and still no explanation for her comment arose, he decided it didn’t matter.
Their past was over and so was any relationship he’d had with Brianna. It was the future he had to focus on. He didn’t intend to waste a second of it rehashing who had done what. She’d come home to Hope. At the first job opportunity Zac intended to leave.
In the meantime he would seek Brianna’s help for the school, he’d work toward straightening out her son, but he would not allow any of his old feelings for her to take root. He couldn’t. Because some things never changed.
Ten years had proven nerdy Zac Ender was still not the man Brianna Benson wanted.
Chapter Two
“I’m leaving now, RaeAnn—”
Brianna stopped midsentence, surprised to see Zac in her office doorway.
“Hi.” He grinned.
“Hello. Uh, I’m just on my way to the nursing home. Mom needs...” She frowned. “Did we have an appointment?”
“No.” Zac turned, picked up something and carried it in. “Since you declined my offer of lunch, twice in the past two days, I might add,” he reminded, one eyebrow arched, “I figured you must be too busy to go out, so I brought lunch to you.” He set the basket on her desk and began unloading it. “Voilà.”
Wonderful aromas filled the room, catching Brianna off guard.
“Uh, that’s really nice, Zac.” She blinked. “But—”
“I’ll drop off whatever your mom needs on my way back to the office. Okay?” He stood waiting, looking every bit the professor his friend Kent always called him.
“But—”
“I really need to talk to you, Brianna. Today.” Clearly Zac wasn’t leaving.
Brianna decided it was best not to argue given that everyone who was still in the waiting room had probably seen or heard his arrival. Hope wasn’t a big town. She could imagine news of his visit to her office would spread like the flu that currently kept Jaclyn so busy. If the intense scrutiny the townsfolk gave her now was what Zac had to endure after she left, Brianna was amazed he’d ever returned.
Why was he back? It couldn’t be just the failing students. According to the television reports, there were failing students all over the country. Why had he chosen to return to Hope?
“Have a seat.” Zac pulled forward a small table and snapped a white tablecloth in place.
“Where did you learn to do that?” She stared as he set the table with a flourish.
“I ran out of funds before I finished my PhD so I waited tables.” He grinned. “Why do you look so surprised? As I recall, you always told me I had to get out in public more to develop my poor communication skills.”
She had, many times. But Brianna did not want to hark back to those days and be reminded of the many other things they’d said to each other, especially their promises. So she waited until he’d finished, took the seat he indicated and accepted the plate he offered.
“This is about Cory, isn’t it? I did talk to him and he still denies deliberately using drugs.”
“I know. We’ll get to that,” he promised. “For now let’s eat.”
She took a bite. Chicken salad—her favorite.
“This is really good. I’ve been to all the food places in town and I never saw this on the menu.” Brianna savored the hint of lime. “I haven’t had a decent chicken salad since I left Chicago. So where in town did you get it?”
“I made it,” Zac answered.
“You?” She stared in disbelief. “But you never cooked.” That was a stupid thing to say. In the past ten years, Zac had probably done a lot of things he never used to, just as she had.
“The cook at the restaurant where I worked couldn’t read. I taught her. She taught me how to make stuff like this.” He shrugged. “You used to eat chicken salad a lot in college. I figured you might still like it.”
“I love it.” As thoughtful as he’d always been, Brianna mused as she bit into a roll. She frowned, then held it up, looking at him with eyebrows raised. “This, too?”
“Nope. Sorry.” He shrugged. “Just not that talented.”
“Thank goodness.” She made a face. “I was beginning to feel intimidated.”
“Hardly.” He poured a cup of iced tea from a thermos he’d brought. “Nobody intimidates Brianna Benson.”
Brianna stared into Zac’s face, unsure of whether he’d meant that as sarcastically as it sounded.
“How is your mother, by the way?” he asked.
“Fine.” Brianna let his previous comment go. Zac was always sincere. If he were trying to get a dig at her, he’d do it openly. “She told me you’ve stopped to see her several times.”
“I go to the nursing home a few times a week to visit Miss Latimer. She was so good to Mom before she died that I try to repay the favor.” For a moment Zac peered into a distance as if remembering the sweet gentle mother who’d encouraged him through countless surgeries after a car accident that had killed his dad and left five-year-old Zac with multiple injuries. “How is your father?” he asked. “I haven’t seen him lately.”
“Dad’s doing better since his heart attack. He visits Mom a lot.” Brianna didn’t add that she didn’t understand why her father went so faithfully when it seemed all her mother did was carp at him.
“I’m sure he’s glad you’re back.”
“I guess. It seems weird to be living at home again, but Cory does the yardwork and I try to keep the house up. We’re managing.” She finished her salad and sipped her tea, scrounging for the courage to ask the hard questions. Finally she just blurted it out. “Why are you here, Zac?”
For a moment she thought she saw regret rush over his face. Which was silly. Granted it had been years, but she’d pushed into adulthood with Zac and grown to understand him. He was the type of man who never regretted his decisions. He thought through everything, weighed the pros and cons and made his choices only after he’d done a complete analysis. He didn’t have regrets.
So what did he want with her?
“What did you mean when you said I’d betrayed you?” Zac looked straight at her and waited for an answer. A frown line marred the perfection of his smooth forehead.
“It doesn’t matter. Let’s forget the past and deal with now.” Brianna took control of the conversation, desperate to avoid delving into the past again. “You want to find out who is giving out drugs and stop the spread of them in the school. I get that.”
“Oh, I want a lot more than that, Brianna.” Zac’s voice oozed determination. “I want the students in Hope’s schools to shake off their apathy and start using the brains God gave them. I want them to begin looking at the future with anticipation and eagerness.”
“But—” Brianna closed her lips and concentrated on listening. When Zac became this serious it was better to let him just say it.
“Do you know that less than one percent of the students graduating from Hope High School go on to college?” Zac huffed his disgust. “And no wonder. They have no interests. There’s no choir, no debate club, no science club, no language club. Everything’s been discontinued. And regular class attendance is a joke. That’s what I want to change.”
Brianna blinked at Zac’s fierce tone. “Okay, then.”
“And I want you to help me do it.”
“Me?” She could say no more because he interrupted again.
“I am not a motivator, Brianna.” Determination glittered in his eyes.
“That’s not true,” she said firmly. Zac had motivated her time after time when he’d tutored her to win a college scholarship and all through the courses that followed. You can do anything you want, he’d repeatedly insisted.
“If there were even a spark of interest, I could work with that.” He frowned at her. “But throw drugs into the mix and the challenge expands exponentially. I need a big change, something that will grab the students’ attention.”
Brianna didn’t know what to say. Zac sounded so forceful, so determined. Intrigued by this unexpected side of him, she decided to hear him out.
“I know you haven’t been here long, but think about the kids you’ve seen at the clinic.” Zac’s brown eyes narrowed. “Have you spoken with any who are excited about their future?”
“Uh, no.”
“No.” Zac’s cheeks flushed with the intensity of his words. “The world is theirs for the taking but they don’t care. They’re completly unengaged. Truthfully, so are most of their teachers. They don’t want to be, but you can only live with apathy for so long before it seeps into your attitude.” He exhaled and stared straight at her. “What we need is something to ignite interest so kids, including Cory, can get excited. That’s the only alternative I know to the pervasiveness of drugs.”
Brianna blinked. Wow. The old Zac had not been a man of words. This was the longest speech she’d ever heard him give and his passion was evident.
Of course she knew all about Zac’s teaching ability, not just from firsthand experience when he’d patiently tutored her, but she’d seen it while they’d studied for their undergrad degrees. Over and over she’d witnessed the way he’d throw himself into explaining a subject. In those days he’d never accepted her praise or seen his ability to instill interest as unique, but it was his skill as a teacher that had taught her to focus on what she wanted and channel her energy into getting it. He called her a motivator back then, too, but he’d been an encourager for her.
If only Cory could find someone like—
Zac.
In a flash of understanding Brianna realized that Zac was exactly who Cory needed to help him find his way. She’d worked hard to be both mother and father to her son, but she’d failed him somehow. Still, this wasn’t the time to stand by and let drugs or anything else ruin his chance to begin again. Brianna needed help.
But Zac?
Brianna had thought she knew what it took to raise a child properly—exactly what she’d always yearned for. Love, and lots of it. But the older her son became, the more Brianna’s doubts about her parenting ability grew. Love wasn’t breaching the growing distance between them. She was failing her own son.
Still—Zac as Cory’s mentor? He wasn’t even in the classroom anymore. Brianna spared a moment to wonder why Zac, who had teaching running through his blood, had chosen to move to administration.
“Will you help me, Brianna?” Zac’s face loomed inches from hers.
The earnest tone of his voice made her blink out of her memories.
“Uh, help you—do what exactly?” Every sensitive nerve in Brianna’s body hummed when he leaned close. In ten years she hadn’t given as much thought to their past as she had since seeing Zac the first day in his office. And she didn’t like the feelings it brought. “Look, Zac, I don’t think—”
Brianna stopped. How did you tell your ex-fiancé you didn’t think it was a good idea for you to work with him because he still made you feel things?
Her heart raced, pitter-pattering like any high-school junior’s did whenever she saw the local heartthrob. She was nervous, that’s all. After all, this man was asking a lot of her, and he’d betrayed her once.
“Listen, Brianna. Last night I learned that Eve Larsen had overdosed on drugs.” Zac tented his fingers.
“Jaclyn called me in for a consult.” She frowned. “What has that to do with Cory?”
Zac sat back, shifted, and then finally lifted his gaze to meet hers.
“Until Cory’s incident I had no idea that Hope—that the school—that we had a drug problem.”
“Maybe you don’t.”
“It’s the start of one. Hear me out, Brianna.” Zac stared at her as if she had something smeared over her face. “I’ve worked where the schools become infested with drugs. They creep in and then take over if nobody stops it. Once they’re in place, it’s desperately hard to get rid of a drug problem and loosen their grip on the student population. Believe me, I’ve tried.”
“So?”
“So when Cory’s case was thrown at me, I knew I couldn’t ignore it, not when I’m responsible for the rest of the students. He’s a very smart kid, Brianna, but he needs a challenge, something that tests his current beliefs about the world. He needs to be forced to use that brain.” Zac paused, his glance holding hers. “As I understand it, so far Cory’s been involved in misdemeanors, petty stuff—minor theft, nasty pranks, breaking his curfew—the kind of things that have repeatedly sent him to juvenile court.”
“Yes.” She was ashamed to hear Zac say it.
“And before you moved here, his last act was to join a gang. Not exactly the remorse a judge is looking for, which is probably why he gave Cory until Christmas to clean up his act and threatened him with juvenile detention if he doesn’t.”
“That’s what the judge said to me,” Brianna admitted.
“So you thought you’d move here, and Cory would turn around.” Zac leaned forward, holding her gaze with his intense one. “I’m very afraid that Cory’s not going to find the challenge he needs in Hope, Brianna. Not the way the school is now.”
Brianna sat back, concern mounting as she absorbed the impact of Zac’s words. She understood what he wasn’t saying. She’d arrived at Whispering Hope Clinic believing her work here would be much easier than her old job. But in the past few weeks she’d begun to question her ability, to wonder if she’d ever get the response she needed in order to help these kids.
“I know a little about drugs,” she murmured. “I did some practicum work with kids who were using. For most of the clients I saw then, the best I could offer was a listening ear.”
“Don’t you want to do more for Cory, much more?” Zac remained quiet, waiting for her to assimilate what he’d said.
In that silence, Brianna recognized the depth of his concern. His brow was furrowed—fingers clenched, shoulders rigid. The Zac she remembered only worried when something was out of his control.
“Do you think the drug situation in Hope is so bad that Cory’s future is out the window?” she asked, nerves taut.
“Not yet.” Zac shook his head.
“Then what are you saying?” she asked, holding back her fear.
“I’m saying that without something to counteract the drugs—and soon—there’s potential to ruin a lot of lives, including Cory’s. I’m asking for your help to create that counteraction.”
“How?” she asked cautiously.
“I’m not sure yet. That’s the problem.” Zac dragged a hand through his short hair, a familiar gesture that showed his frustration with having to go outside himself and his resources to accomplish something. He glared at her, his eyes intent. “When it comes to administration I’m the best you’ll find.”
“And humble, too,” she teased. Zac glared. “Sorry. Go on.”
“I can set the rules. I can find f-funding for programs. I can insist the teachers go beyond the usual to meet student needs...” The stutter proved Zac was moving well out of his comfort zone with his plea for help.
“But?” she prodded, confused by his words and his manner. Belligerent but beseeching.
“But I can’t get inside their heads.” His eyes glittered with suppressed emotion.
Suppressed emotion? Cool analytical Zac?
“I insisted the board hand over student counseling to Whispering Hope Clinic, to you, because the kids need somebody who’s engaged in their world, not a visiting counselor who will listen to them for an hour here or there, then disappear. They’ll see you on the street, in the café, at the grocery store. And they’ll know you are interested in them because that’s who you are. You’re a genuine nurturer, and they’ll recognize that.” He exhaled heavily.
“Thank you,” Brianna murmured, surprised by his generosity.
“I’m the authority figure. But you—you’re outside the school system, new in town, fresh from the big city. They’ll accept ideas from you. That won’t be a problem.”
“A problem for what?” She felt totally confused.
“For getting rid of the apathy that shrouds Hope. You don’t carry any baggage about Hope.”
“I don’t? You’re dreaming, Zac.” Brianna glared at him, hoping to remind him of their past.
“I meant preconceptions about these kids that would block you from seeing potential in them.” Their gazes locked before he looked away. “Knowing you, I’m pretty sure you’re brimming with ideas of what you want to accomplish in your practice. Innovation. Change.” He nodded. “That’s what I want, too.”
Brianna now had an inkling of where Zac was going with this and she didn’t like it. She did not want to work with him. She did not want to rehash all her old feelings of regret and rejection and get bogged down in them. Mostly she didn’t want to go back to those horrible hours and days after their almost-wedding when she’d struggled with the rightness of her decision to leave Hope and Zac.
“Just spell out what you want from me, will you, Zac?”
“Okay, I will.” He inhaled. “I need a plan to get these kids motivated. Hope isn’t like it was when we grew up here, Brianna.” He hunched forward, his face as serious as she’d ever seen it. “These kids aren’t gung ho about their future.”
“Not all of our peers were when we were growing up, either,” she reminded.
“Maybe not, but the vast majority of this generation of Hope’s kids have stopped imagining bigger or better. I want you to help me change that.”
Brianna stared at him, amazed by the passion in his voice.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” he grumbled.
“I don’t know what to say,” she admitted. “It’s a laudable goal and I wish you success, but beyond that, I don’t see what I can do. I’ve already got a lot on my plate,” she reminded. “I’ve barely started at the clinic.”
“You’ll be busy there. Because you represent hope.” He nodded. “That’s exactly what I want to give these kids, including Cory. Hope.” His voice dropped, his eyes melted. “Please, Brianna. Help me do that.”
She’d said that to him so many times in the past. Help me, Zac. And every time Zac had patiently helped solve her issue—whether it was schoolwork or peer issues. He even let her bawl on his shoulder when her mom’s controlling threatened to destroy her dreams, though she’d been too embarrassed to tell him the truth about the rift between her and her mother. Yet through all her problems, Zac had always been on her side.
Until the day before their wedding.
Brianna veered away from that, back to the present.
“You have to get back to work and so do I. Let me think about it, Zac.” When he would have protested she cut him off. “You’ve obviously been considering this for a while, but it’s all new to me. I don’t know that I can take on something else until I’ve got my world settled a little better.”
“What’s your primary objection?”
“We have a past,” she said bluntly.
“So?” His chin jutted out.
“You must remember we seldom agreed on how things should be done.”
“I remember. And I remember we made it work anyway.” A crooked smile tipped his lips. His grin made her blush.
“Yes, well.” She coughed, searching for composure. “You’d want to be rid of me after our first argument. I can’t afford any negativity. This is my career and I’ve worked really hard for it.” She tried to soften her words. “It simply wouldn’t work, Zac. I’m sorry.”
“You could make it work, Brianna. You always had ten irons in the fire and you never had a problem.” His voice dropped to a more intimate level as his gaze searched hers. “The past is over. There’s nothing between us now, after all these years. What happened when we were kids isn’t going to affect me now. How about you?”
His words stung, though they shouldn’t have.
Nothing between us after all these years.
Her fingers automatically lifted to touch the chain that held the engagement ring he’d given her one Christmas Eve, hidden beneath the fabric of her blouse. She recalled the many times she’d been down, on the verge of quitting, and had touched that ring, mentally replaying Zac’s voice encouraging her to focus on what she wanted and go for it. He didn’t know it, but he’d gotten her through so many hard times.
“Don’t say no, Brianna. Next weekend is Homecoming. It could be the kickoff for a new plan. Think about it until tomorrow,” he begged. “That would still leave us a week to plan something.”
“Why does inspiring these kids mean so much to you?” she asked curiously.
“Because of Jeffrey.” His voice was raw.
She frowned, not understanding.
“I failed him.” Zac’s tightly controlled voice held fathoms of pain. “I don’t want any more kids on my conscience.”
His anguish wrenched Brianna’s heart, but the thought of working with him made her knees knock.
“All I can promise is I’ll think about it.” Brianna rose.
“Good enough.” He rose, too.
“Thank you for lunch. It was very nice.” Nice? It was the most interesting lunch she’d ever had. And that’s what worried her.
“You can help, Brianna.” Zac touched her arm, and then as her skin burned beneath his fingertips, he let his hand fall away. He gathered and stored his things. “Please consider it seriously.”
Brianna nodded, handed over the package for her mother when he insisted and watched him leave. Her caseload at the clinic left little time to think about what Zac had said until later that night when, after another argument about his curfew, Cory finally went to bed. She tried to talk to her dad but surprisingly he encouraged her participation with Zac.
“Let the past go, Brianna. Otherwise it will eat you to death.”
If it were only that easy.
When he retired and she was alone, Brianna pulled out all the arguments and pieced them together in her head.
Zac made a good case, but despite his intensity and passion, she had a hunch he hadn’t told her all his reasons for wanting this project. And forget what he’d said about their past being over; their past was a minefield of things not said. Resentment stirred like a boiling cauldron inside her. Zac, no doubt, carried his own grudges. Sooner or later he’d want to see her pay for running out on him.
Brianna ached to forget the past, but seeing Zac again revived the sense of betrayal she still felt, made worse since Jaclyn had announced her pregnancy. She and Kent were building their future. What was Brianna’s future? Cory would grow up, leave and she’d be alone.
She knew love like what Kent and Jaclyn shared wasn’t for her. She’d given that up when she’d left Hope ten years ago. That’s why she married Cory’s father, because it didn’t involve her heart. But she was finally doing the one thing she’d dreamed of all her life—counseling kids. She would not be swayed from that goal.
Like a movie, the night of their rehearsal dinner replayed in her mind.
You’re right, Mrs. Benson. We’ll stay in Hope for a while. Brianna will work in your interior-design store, maybe even take over for you.
With those few words Zac had derailed her dreams, broken every promise he’d made her and destroyed her faith in his integrity. He hadn’t known all the details of her battles with her mom, but he had known that Brianna never wanted to return to the store when she’d left after high school, despite her mother’s determination that she do so. And yet, he’d promised her mother Brianna would do the one thing she’d always fought against. He’d betrayed her.
Now he wanted her help.
How could she say yes after he’d destroyed the trust she had in him?
How could she say no when he was trying to help kids—kids like Cory?
Sighing, Brianna pulled out her Bible and read a couple of chapters. But they were just words. God, as usual, seemed far away. Still, ever hopeful, she reached out.
“What do I do, Lord?”
The empty silence left her aching with the familiar feelings of heavenly abandonment. Where was God when she needed Him?
It was going to be another sleepless night.
Chapter Three
There were very few times in his life that Zac regretted his actions. Yesterday’s plea to Brianna ranked right up there.
He stabbed the button on his phone that paged his secretary.
“Tammy Lyn, would you get me the number of that counseling outfit in Las Cruces, please?” Zac would find his own solutions. Because somehow, he was going to get that state job.
“I will. And I have Brianna’s office on line two. She wants to see you between her appointments tomorrow. Do you have a time preference?”
She was going to refuse. Zac was surprised by the rush of disappointment that swamped him. Had he really been looking forward to working with his former fiancée—the one who’d caused him so much embarrassment?
And why had Brianna run away on their wedding day? Zac wasn’t sure he believed her mother’s explanation that Brianna had realized she was too immature for marriage.
“Zac?” Tammy Lyn’s impatient reminder snapped his daydream.
“Sorry.” He swallowed, firmed his voice. “Three o’clock. I’ve got that board meeting at five.”
“Okay, we’ll try for that.” Tammy Lyn clicked off the intercom.
Zac wondered how Brianna would phrase her refusal. She’d probably try to poke around in his brain first, wanting to figure out what he hadn’t said yesterday. Guilt made him shift uncomfortably.
He hadn’t told her his goal of attaining the state job when she’d questioned his reasons for asking for her help. And he should have. Initiating a program to motivate kids that resulted in higher test scores would certainly improve his chances of getting a job developing curriculum, which sounded pretty selfish. But truthfully, influencing education at a state level seemed to Zac the only viable way he could make lasting changes in student achievement, and do it without the people skills he lacked. Still, when Brianna found out state education was his ultimate goal, she would probably assume he was using her.
Aren’t you? the nagging little voice in his head demanded.
Yes, he wanted her help to change things in Hope. But her son would benefit from the changes here. So would a lot of other kids. It had been incredibly difficult for Zac to return to the scene of his biggest shame, to the place where he’d spent a year enduring whispers and gossip about their broken relationship. But he’d come back because of the vast changes that were possible here. If only he could engage these kids.
On the surface, seeking Brianna’s help seemed stupid. After all, she’d walked out on him, shattered the love he’d had for her when she left him standing at the altar. That love had crumbled to nothing during a year of public humiliation while he fulfilled the teaching contract he’d so stupidly agreed to. But now, ten long years later, they were both back in Hope and the truth was Zac missed the camaraderie they’d once shared when Brianna had been his best friend.
Zac was finished with love. That year in Hope had made him determined to never again take the risk of giving his heart to someone, to never again risk such public humiliation. He’d spent years honing a protective shell that kept anyone from getting too close.
But now he and Brianna lived in the same town, shared the same friends and had a mutual interest in seeing the school do well. Ten years later Zac didn’t want her love. He wanted her help.
Persuading her wasn’t going to be easy.
“Zac?” Tammy Lyn’s intercom voice cracked through his thoughts. “The person you wanted in Las Cruces is out until next week. Sorry. If you could give me that stuff for the board meeting tomorrow I could format it and distribute it today.”
“You’ll have it as soon as I’m finished,” he promised. Mentally steeling himself for Brianna’s negative response, Zac blanked out everything and got busy with his notes for the board meeting. They had to be letter perfect because he was lousy at ad-libbing.
Getting that state job would be the culmination of all he’d worked for. That it might ensure nobody in Hope ever said “Poor Zac” again was an added bonus. At state level he could make curriculum more relevant and help kids learn. That was Zac’s primary goal.
If he had to do it without Brianna’s help, so be it.
* * *
Brianna walked up the stairs to the district school office the following afternoon with her throat blocked. This was probably the wrong thing to do. She was a gullible fool. But she was going to do it anyway.
Two minutes later she was seated in Zac’s office where he had hot tea and some coconut cookies waiting.
“You’re not going to tell me you baked these, are you?” she asked, trying for levity to crack the tension in the air.
“No.” He smiled as he poured out two cups. “Sorry.”
“Thank you.” She accepted her tea, sipped it, inhaling the fresh orangey scent that was her favorite. He’d remembered—another surprise.
“Have a cookie.”
Brianna accepted one and chewed on it while he talked about people they knew who were returning for the Homecoming weekend. But eventually the small talk became punctuated by too-long silences. It was time to get to the point.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said, Zac,” she began.
“I shouldn’t have asked you.” For a brief moment his eyes grew clouded. But then he blinked, and the impassive expression was back in place. “I understand why you have to say no, Brianna. People would talk if we worked together and the gossip—” He rolled his eyes. “Let’s just say I don’t want to go through that again.”
“I’m not concerned about gossip.” She frowned.
“Then it’s working together that bothers you.” Zac rubbed his chin. “I thought—hoped that after so many years we’d be past that and able to concentrate on what’s best for the kids, but—”
“It’s not the past, either,” Brianna sputtered, frustrated that he kept butting in.
“Then it’s me. I understand your hesitation.” He leaned forward, face earnest. “Forget about it. I’ll manage.”
“But—”
“No, if you have hesitations, you should say no.” He sat there, silent, as if he didn’t know how to proceed.
“Actually I was going to say yes,” she said in her driest tone. “But I think you just talked me out of it. I mean, if you no longer need me—”
Zac’s eyes widened. His Adam’s apple moved up and down as he gulped. He blinked. “Pardon?”
“I said I would help you. If you want me to.” His attitude confused her and she hated feeling confused. “Are you regretting asking for my help, Zac?”
“Uh, no. Not exactly.” His carefully blank expression irritated her.
“I know you think I let you down—before.” She met his stare. “I won’t do that again. I promise.”
“This isn’t about the past,” he murmured.
“Maybe not, but our past certainly weighs into it.” She needed to get the guilt out in the open, to deal with it and maybe, finally, be free of it. “You can’t deny we have a history.”
“I’m not denying anything.” His head went up and back, his shoulders straightened. “We made plans.” He shrugged. “They didn’t happen.”
“No. They didn’t.” Because he and her mother had spoiled that. Suddenly it seemed pointless to discuss the past. “So?” Brianna poured herself another cup of tea just to keep her hands busy. “Where do we start?”
“With Homecoming?” He pulled forward a blank pad and wrote the word across the top in his scratching script. “It would give us the most bang for our buck if we announced a new plan at the Friday-morning assembly. Some parents will probably show up for that so this way they’d learn about our plan at the same time as the kids.”
“Whatever our plan is,” she added in a droll voice.
“Yeah. Maybe we could put a float in the Homecoming parade.” He doodled on the pad.
“A float? We only have a week to organize it. And why a float? What’s the purpose?” Brianna didn’t mention that her brain had been whirling with ideas ever since he’d asked her to help, because it was also whirling with confusion at how he’d pushed everything they’d shared into the past. Was it so easy for Zac to forget that he’d once said he loved her?
“Forget about the time left.” He leaned back in his chair. “Forget about everything but that some kids need your help. Now, I know you’ve been thinking about this because you couldn’t help yourself. You’re compelled to get in there and nurture these kids to do better.” He grinned. “So how shall we start?”
They brainstormed ideas. It was slow going at first, but gradually Brianna relaxed enough to let her thoughts roam freely. Finally the idea that had been hidden at the back of her brain burst out.
“Your world.” She stared at the scribbles he’d made on the paper, then lifted her head to stare at him. “It’s called ‘Your World.’”
“Okay.” He wrote that down then waited. “Meaning?”
“How do you want your world to look?” She smiled as his face tightened. “That’s straight from your lips, Zac. Get kids thinking by giving them a glimpse of what could be, beyond Hope, beyond what is now.”
“Good.” He tapped his pen. “How do we start?”
“First we need board approval. And a budget. You’ll have to get the teachers on board with this, too,” she warned.
“I can do that.”
She was surprised by how easily Zac accepted her ideas, but she didn’t stop to think about it because thoughts kept mushrooming in her head. “Remember Billy Atkins?”
“Billy. Sure, I remember.” Zac nodded. “He runs the local newspaper.”
“And he’s still a phenomenal artist judging by the mural on the side of his building. I think you should have the entry wall, the one you see the moment you enter the school, painted a startling white.” She grinned. “And then ask Billy to paint a globe on it with the words Your World across the top. Dad could probably help if we needed him.”
“Okay.” Skepticism filled his face. “What do we do with this globe?”
“This is where you have to be flexible, Zac.” She paused, inhaled, then told him the gist of her idea. “Every kid gets a chance to write what he wants to see in his world on that wall.” She didn’t stop even though his face blanched. “If this is going to work, the students have to believe someone will listen to what they write, listen to what they want. You and the staff must accept their ideas, whether or not you agree with them. You have to be genuine. I will not be part of this if you or the board intend to veto the suggestions they make.”
“There are certain things we can’t allow,” he said stiffly.
“Of course.” She nodded. “So you say that to the kids. No vulgarity, no cursing, no inappropriate remarks about teachers. But don’t get hung up on the negatives. You want genuine responses that the students are willing to work to achieve.”
“And if we get the other?” he asked.
“You have that painted over and wait for a new suggestion.” Brianna paused to watch his face. “Be prepared, Zac. It might not go as well as you hope at first. But I think, if given a chance, students will have some remarkable ideas about the way they want their world to look. Some ideas may be quite easy to achieve. But nothing can be discounted just because you think it’s too difficult or too far out,” she warned. “Every idea deserves consideration.”
Zac wrote as fast as she talked, nodding from time to time. When he finally looked at her, a glimmer lit his eyes.
“It might work,” he said in a dazed tone. “It just might work.”
“It will work, but only if no one judges or criticizes. Your World is all about possibilities.”
“What do we do once everyone has contributed?” He laughed and shook his head. “I know what you’re going to say. Start working on them. Right?”
“Yes. We’ll need a committee of students who are willing to prioritize and a teacher or two who will agree to sit in on their meetings. Sit in on,” she repeated firmly. “Not run. This is an initiative by the students.”
“Maybe you can think about doing that,” he suggested.
Brianna shook her head. “I’m here only to help brainstorm ideas.”
“Any more of them?” Zac asked, one eyebrow arched.
“I’d forget about announcing anything at the rally.”
“But—” He stopped, looked at her and said, “Go on.”
“This might be hard to do in the short time left before Homecoming, but if the board agrees to the plan and you can recruit some people, I think a float in the Homecoming parade is a good idea.” He didn’t interrupt so she continued. “A great big globe with the words Your World—How do you see it? floating down the street will get a lot of attention. No explanation. Nothing. You, the teachers, the board—you all remain silent until the plan is announced on Monday. By the time Monday comes and the wall is ready, everyone in the entire town will be talking.”
Zac nodded, jotted a few more things on his paper. By the time he leaned back in his chair, he’d lost the tense air she’d seen when she arrived.
“This is exactly what we need. A little excitement, a little mystery, something out of the ordinary.” His eyes met hers sending a little tingle down Brianna’s spine.
She was not prepared for his next question.
“Would you be willing to be the spokesperson for Your World at the board meeting?” Zac held up a hand to interrupt her refusal. “You think on your feet. You’re good at public speaking. You can present this idea in a way that will grip the board far more than anything I say. They’ll listen to you, Brianna.”
“They won’t listen to you?” She frowned. That didn’t sound like a good start.
“Yes, they would. But I’d rather present the information about drugs and the threat to our schools.” He met her stare. “I want them to have a clear picture of what could happen if we don’t initiate this program.”
“You’re the negative, I’m the positive, which will make them more inclined to see this as a solution, a way out,” she mused. “Good idea.”
“You’ll do it?”
“Not so fast. By presenting this, I’m the one who’ll take the heat if something goes wrong or if the plan fails.” She paused. “Or is that the point?”
“I never thought of that, but it works for me.” He chuckled at her dark look. “You won’t take any heat, Brianna. I’ll make sure of that. Anyway, I have a feeling they’re going to embrace this idea. It will give everyone a kick start to make changes.”
“When’s the board meeting?” Brianna asked.
“Tonight.”
“What?” She gulped. “Zac, I need time to prepare.”
“No, you don’t. You always excelled at speaking off the cuff. I doubt that’s changed.” He stacked his papers together. “Be here at seven. I’ll rework the agenda so our plan will go first.”
“Zac, I—” Brianna panicked. What was she doing? She hadn’t been back in Hope that long. She didn’t even know who was on the school board. What business was it of hers to make a suggestion like this to people who’d probably see her as an interloper after so many years?
“Brianna.” Zac’s hand covered hers and sent a shockwave up her arm.
“Yes?” She refocused. His dark eyes gleamed with something—hope?
“This is for the kids—for Cory.” His fingers tightened against her skin. “Don’t think about anything else. Concentrate on the kids.”
Her free hand lifted to touch the outline of her ring lying under the collar of her blouse. The old Zac, the one she’d remembered, had smiled like that and made her think of possibilities, and infused her with courage when she most needed it.
The tingling in her arm magnified. Brianna drew away from his touch. What was it about this man that he could still get her to react with nothing more than a smile and a touch?
“You can do it, Brianna.”
There it was again, that encouragement she remembered so well.
“They’re just people,” he said quietly. “Parents like you who want their kids to succeed. We can help them, if we work together. If we get the town working together.”
How many years had she prayed, begged God to let her help kids, to give her the knowledge and grace to make a difference in the world? Her old job had denied her that opportunity. She’d felt useless, a cog in a machine that ground up and spat out those who didn’t conform. She’d done her best to help, but this would bring her the chance she’d longed for every time she’d pushed herself a little harder to finish her doctorate. This was why she’d clung to Zac’s ring and savored his past words of encouragement even when he was no longer in her life. Now he was telling her she could make a difference in Hope.
“Okay. I’ll do it.” Her nerves evaporated.
“Thank you.”
“On one condition,” she added.
“Brianna.” Zac sighed. “What condition?”
“Just listen.” She had to stand firm on this. “I have Cory, my mom in the nursing home and my dad healing from his heart attack. I also have my work. All of them take my time, time I’ll have to cut back on to help you. So I want your agreement that if and when you see a time and place where you can get involved with Cory, you will.”
“Cory? But what would I do?” Clearly Zac was not enthralled by the prospect.
“I don’t know. But there must be something.” Brianna leaned forward. “Cory’s on the wrong path and I need help to turn him around before his appointment with the judge at Christmas. I’ve agreed to help you out, Zac, now I want your promise you’ll do what you can to find some common ground with Cory.”
“I don’t know what I can do,” Zac murmured.
“You’ll think of something.” Inside she was desperately afraid he’d refuse, but she stood firm. “That’s my condition, Zac. Take it or leave it.” She waited, hoping he’d say yes because she really wanted to be a part of Your World, to make a difference, to see lives changed because of something she’d helped create.
“All right. If there’s something I can do, I’ll try.” That was all Zac said, but it was enough.
His secretary paged him then, so Brianna left. As she drove back to work, she realized Zac’s project was her opportunity. If she could just find the right words, share her vision with the school board, maybe she could finally help kids as she’d longed to since she’d left Zac—and this town—so long ago.
“Please don’t let me screw this up,” Brianna prayed.
Chapter Four
“Dad, why is Mom so insistent I revive her store? It’s been closed for years.” Fresh from a disastrous visit at the nursing home, Brianna flopped into a chair. “I don’t understand her obsession with that place.”
“Nor did I until last year.” Hugh Benson sank into his easy chair, his face sad. “I learned the whole story after a private investigator visited us. You see, your grandfather passed away last year. According to his will, his assets were then distributed to his descendents—Anita being his daughter.”
“A grandfather? In Iowa? But you never told me—” Brianna frowned at him.
“I never knew. Your mother told me when we were married that her father was dead. That’s all I ever knew until last year when your mother told me her father inherited a furniture store from his father. Anita grew up there. She worked in that store from a very early age, loved it and learned every facet of what went on. You know how adept your mother is at business. As an only child, she expected to one day run the family business herself.”
“Of course.” Brianna recalled her mother’s keen business sense. “She’d have been very good at it. She always had a flair for interior decor.”
“Yes.” Her father looked grim. “Well, Anita stepped in to manage the place when her dad had his first heart attack. She was only eighteen and did well, except she made a mistake. Her error cost the company money and her father was furious. A little later, when he was forced to retire, he refused to give Anita any control because of that mistake. He said she wasn’t smart enough or capable enough to carry on the business he’d inherited from his father.”
“Poor Mom. That must have hurt.”
“Yes, even more because he put some distant cousin in charge and made Anita one of the hirelings. The cousin made bad mistakes but no matter how Anita pleaded, her father wouldn’t recant. Anita was desperately hurt and left Iowa after her mother died. Her father told her not to come back so she didn’t. She never spoke to her father again. The bequest he left her was the smallest in his estate, smaller than the least employee’s. He punished her to the end.”
“So to get back at him, Mom created her own business to pass on to me,” Brianna guessed, glimpsing the past with wiser eyes. “That explains so much. But why didn’t she ever tell me?”
“Would it have made a difference?” her father asked, his face grave.
“You mean would I have given up my goal of psychology?” she asked. “No. But at least I’d understand why she was so determined that I stay. She was ashamed and embarrassed and determined to prove her father wrong by building her own business. Except I couldn’t be part of it.” Hindsight explained a lot.
“So now you know.” Hugh Benson’s pencil flew across the page, his caricature of Cory coming to life. “You said you came back to Hope to help kids. So that’s why you’re helping Zac present this Your World plan tonight?”
“Yes.” Brianna sighed. “I’m not sure about working with him, though.”
“Because?”
But Brianna could not, dare not answer that. Not until she’d sorted out the miasma of conflicting feelings that took over whenever Zac was around.
Outside, a short beep of a car horn sounded.
“That’s Jaclyn. We’re going out for a quick supper before I go to the board meeting. I know you’re going back to see Mom. Cory’s eating at his new friend’s house but he’s supposed to be back in a couple of hours.” Brianna grabbed her bag and her jacket. As she slipped her feet out of slippers and into her sandals she felt her dad’s stare. “What?”
“I thought—hoped you might stop by the nursing home later tonight. You know the truth now. Maybe you two could make up.” There was no condemnation in his quiet voice but that didn’t stop Brianna feeling a ripple of guilt.
“It’s too soon for that, Dad.” She grabbed the doorknob. “Mom was pretty upset today.” She winced, remembering her mother’s angry diatribe.
“Brianna.” Her dad’s firm tone insisted she hear him out.
She inhaled and waited.
“Your mother had a stroke.” He sounded angry. “She can’t do the things she wants to do and her temper flares. She gets uncertain mood swings and frequently can’t express herself the way she wants. Cut her some slack, will you?”
All the past hurt, all the angry words and bitter remarks she’d endured came flooding back. Brianna couldn’t stop the rush of anger.
“I’ve been cutting Mom slack my whole life, Dad. I figured that maybe, after all these years, she might have learned to do the same for her one and only daughter. But I guess I still embarrass her.” Stung by the chastisement in his eyes, she left, quietly but firmly shutting the door behind her before she walked to her friend’s car.
“Hey, Brianna. I’m starv—” Jaclyn took one look at her face and turned off the car. “What’s wrong? Cory again?” She frowned, shook her head. “No, wait. I know that look. It’s your mom, isn’t it, Brianna?”
“I’m a fully accredited psychologist, Jaclyn. I’ve dealt with all kinds of people. Yet, I can’t seem to deal with my feelings toward my own mother.” Slowly she unclenched her fingers as she relayed what she’d learned. “It explains why, all these years, she’s been so driven. But why couldn’t she have just told me?”
“Old grudges die hard.” Jaclyn frowned. “Now, what are you going to do about it?”
“Keep trying to rebuild our relationship.” Brianna couldn’t keep the bitterness of the past inside any longer; she had to let it out. “My mother is the reason I left Hope. Well, her and Zac.”
“I’m your best friend, Brianna.” Jaclyn frowned. “Isn’t it about time you finally explained why I never got to wear your mother’s choice of that delightful flounced fuchsia bridesmaid dress down the aisle for your wedding?” She giggled at Brianna’s gagging sound but quickly sobered. “You’re only about ten years late explaining.”
“It was always too hard to talk about. I wanted to forget it.” She gulped, forced herself to continue the sad story. “Remember the rehearsal dinner?”
“Like I could forget that—all eleven courses.” Jaclyn grimaced.
“There weren’t eleven!” Brianna argued. “But my mother did have to make her only daughter’s wedding an extravaganza.”
“Go on.”
“After the rehearsal dinner I hadn’t seen Zac for a while so I went looking for him. He and my mother were by the hotel pool.” Brianna bit her lip. “I overheard them talking. He accepted her offer of a teaching job in Hope for two years. Without even talking to me, he accepted.”
“But how could—?” Jaclyn’s furrowed brow smoothed. “Oh, I remember now. Your mom was elected chairman of the school board that year, wasn’t she?”
“Yes. And she had the store, of course.” Brianna swallowed hard. “I heard Zac tell her he was worried about supporting me. Remember I couldn’t find a job that summer. As my mother said many times, I returned to Hope with a useless undergrad degree.” Bitterness ate another hole inside.
“She never understood how much psychology meant to you, did she?”
“She always said I should get over Jessica’s death, like it was a skinned knee or something.” Brianna bit her lip. “It hurt so badly to lose her. I couldn’t just forget her or that her death might have been prevented if better medical care had been available in Hope.”
“Nor could I,” Jaclyn murmured.
“Anyway that night Mom preyed on Zac’s fears.” Brianna needed to get this out and let go of it. “She convinced Zac we should stay in Hope by guaranteeing him a job and telling him that I’d have work in her store while he taught. She said we’d be able to save faster for our PhDs.”
“Baloney.” Jaclyn snorted. “She was always after you to take over her store. She couldn’t accept your refusal so she decided to bribe your fiancé to get her way.”
“Exactly. I couldn’t believe Zac agreed with her that I should work in the store. He knew as well as you did how useless I felt in that place. I was never into home decor. I had no knack for furniture styles or placement. Still don’t,” Brianna admitted. “The only thing I enjoyed about that store was the fabrics, hence my love of quilts.”
“Did you talk to Zac about it?”
“I tried on the way home after the party. I asked why he’d accepted the job without talking to me. He was surprised that I was angry about it. He thought I’d be glad that we wouldn’t have to go into a lot of debt for our degrees.” She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and inhaled to ease the stress of those horrible moments. “He said I’d probably end up reconsidering my decision to do a doctorate anyway once we had a family.”
“Shades of male machismo.” Jaclyn’s face tightened.
“No. He wasn’t being macho. I don’t think he honestly believed I was as committed as he was.” Brianna sighed. “I was stunned by what he said. Weeks of him falling in with my mother’s suggestions and not standing up for me—I’d been having doubts about getting married and I told him so. But he apologized, convinced me that he loved me, that he only wanted what was best for us.”
“So you decided to go through with the wedding.”
“Yes. But I was furious. When I got home, I told my mother I knew she’d gone behind my back to coerce Zac into accepting that job.” Brianna tried to make her friend understand. “She knew we’d planned to get jobs in the city where we could still take night classes because I’d gone to great lengths to explain our plans to my parents. Zac and I had put months of thought into it because I’d insisted we have our game plan in place before we ever came to Hope for the wedding. She knew that plan and she deliberately ruined it.”
Jaclyn squeezed her shoulder in sympathy. “Tell me the rest.”
“Eventually my mother admitted asking Zac’s mom to say she was too ill to travel for the wedding so we’d have to come here to get married. It was all part of her plan. Zac and I, we were just pawns.”
There was nothing Jaclyn could say.
“I asked her why she’d done it. Do you know what she said?” The protective barrier she’d maintained for so many years was breached as tears welled. Brianna made no attempt to stop them. “My mother claimed she’d done it to help me. She said Zac told her he was worried I’d never be able to support myself, that he felt I was holding him back. She said Zac’s mom was afraid I might derail his goal to get his PhD. My mother insisted she couldn’t stand by and watch me lose him. The way she put it, I began to believe she was right, that for Zac’s sake I needed to stay and work in the store.”
“Oh, Brianna. I wish you’d called me.”
“I wish I had, too. But I was so confused. And Mom just kept piling it on. I was a weight on Zac’s back, but she said she would rescue me. She would make me assistant manager at her store. I’d run things and she’d take a break once in a while.”
“That wouldn’t have happened. She always had to be the boss.” Jaclyn bit her lip. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s true.” Brianna swallowed. “Anyway, she said I had to prove to Zac that I didn’t need him to be responsible for me, so he wouldn’t feel I was—let’s see, ‘a chain around his neck’ was the way she put it. She said that maybe then he wouldn’t resent me.”
Jaclyn made a face. “And Zac? You did talk to him about it?”
“After my argument with my mother I called him. He said she was right, that he had been worried but he wasn’t now that he had the job. He said it was better to stay in Hope and save.” Brianna pursed her lips. “He even suggested we consider moving in with one or the other of our parents to cut costs further.”
Jaclyn groaned.
“I was reeling.” Brianna tried to smile. “All our plans were out the window. I just wanted him to reassure me. But Zac was really worried about the financial aspect of both of us returning to school. He even said he was glad I was willing to do my share. As if I was some kind of leech!”
“He was probably just nervous. Zac was never great with words,” Jaclyn reminded.
“He repeated over and over that he was glad I’d finally be working,” Brianna sputtered. “And he kept babbling about getting his PhD as soon as possible. He sounded as if he thought I’d ask him to give up his dream.”
“He used to bore us to tears with that PhD dream sometimes, didn’t he? But I’m sure he loved you,” Jaclyn consoled.
“Well, I wasn’t so sure. And the more my mother talked to me, the less sure I became. She played me like a fiddle, Jaclyn.” Brianna sighed. “I finally decided she was right, that I was holding back the man I loved and that I needed to give up my own dream to help Zac. So I agreed to work in her store.”
Jaclyn frowned. “But you didn’t stay, Brianna. You left.”
“Yes.” Brianna couldn’t stop her tears. A bitter smile rose from the cauldron of bitterness simmering inside. “Zac phoned me the next morning to tell me of my mother’s suggestion that we cut our honeymoon short so I could start work early, as thanks for the elaborate wedding that I never wanted.”
Jaclyn’s face expressed her disgust.
“I told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of that. He sounded hurt. He was only trying to help make it easier for me, he said. It would be a sacrifice but sometimes sacrifices were necessary. I told him I felt I was making all the sacrifices and he said that he was sacrificing, too, by having to put off his doctorate. We argued a bit, made up and I hung up. Then my mother appeared with a list she’d made of my future duties and responsibilities at the store and a contract.”
“A contract?” Jaclyn lifted one eyebrow.
“She said I’d need to sign a contract for five years to make sure she wasn’t left high and dry if I changed my mind. Five years!” Brianna straightened her shoulders. “I knew then how it would be, how she’d grind me down until I gave up my plan to become a child psychologist. And I knew Zac wouldn’t be strong enough to stand up to her, either. You see she was right about one thing.”
“Right how?” Jaclyn glared at her. “Explain.”
“I’d been worried for some time that I was holding Zac back. He was so much smarter, had so much to offer. I slowed him down because he spent so much time helping me, time he should have spent on his own work.” Brianna dashed away her tears. “If we’d married and I got stuck in her store, Zac would have felt compelled to stay those five years, too. I didn’t want him to lose his dream because of me.”
“That woman!” Jaclyn sputtered.
“It wasn’t just Mom.” Brianna felt the weight of it dragging her down. Wasn’t confession supposed to make her feel better? “By then Zac was completely under her spell, convinced that giving up our plans to teach in Hope was his opportunity. I was afraid Zac would eventually turn against me if I objected too much and I couldn’t stand that. I loved him and I wanted him to be happy. I thought he would be if I wasn’t there so I packed a bag and snuck away.”
“I would have helped you if I’d known.”
“I know. But then Mom would have caused problems for you.” Brianna paused. “Dad saw me leave.”
“Really?”
“When I was in the cab, I looked back and saw him standing there. He was crying.” Brianna dabbed at her wet cheeks with the tissue Jaclyn handed her. “I wrote him later that when I did get married I’d make sure he walked me down the aisle, but that didn’t happen. After Craig proposed, he insisted we marry quickly. He was sick and he wanted me to be able to stay at his house and care for Cory without any improprieties. I was afraid my mother would talk me out of it if she knew, so I married Craig with nobody there. But Craig betrayed me, too.”
“How?” Jaclyn asked, her beautiful face sad.
“Craig died three months after we married. That’s when I learned he’d known all along that he had a terminal illness.” Brianna stared through the windshield remembering the gut-wrenching dismay when she learned the truth. “He knew he didn’t have long to live, but he never told me. He pretended he was getting better. Maybe he thought I would have left if I’d known.”
Jaclyn’s hand covered hers and squeezed.
“I wouldn’t have left,” Brianna whispered. “Craig was wonderful to me in those horrible weeks after I left Hope for Chicago. He took time to help me find a place to live, helped me find a job. Cory was Craig’s pride and joy but neither he nor his first wife, Cory’s mother, had family. He had no one to help him. He adored that boy but I saw how hard it became for him to care for him. I wanted to help because I loved Cory, too.”
“But you didn’t love Craig?”
“No.” Brianna smiled, sadness filling her heart. “I wish I could have. He was a wonderful man. But there was never love between us. We were just good friends who married a few months after we met to give Cory a home. At least I thought that’s what we were. But when I learned the truth, that he knew—” Brianna bit her lip. “I might not have been so decimated if Craig had prepared me. But he never said a word and suddenly at twenty-three I was a widow and a mother, responsible for this little boy, no clue how I was going to do it and all alone. I was at my lowest when I phoned you for help.”
“I’m glad you finally did. That’s what friends are for.” She wrapped her arms around Brianna and help on tight. “I wish I could have come.”
“I know. But you sent your mother instead, and she was wonderful to me. I’ll never be able to thank her or you enough.” Brianna clung a moment longer then drew back. “Anyway, all of this was to say my dad razzed me about going to see Mom tonight.”
“You should go,” Jaclyn insisted.
“I can’t go to the nursing home again,” Brianna admitted. “Not for a while.”
“Why not?”
“Today she said I made her ashamed.” The lump in Brianna’s stomach hardened. “It hurt so much. I don’t want to live with that pain again, Jaclyn. I’m done with trying to be the obedient daughter I’m supposed to be. It didn’t work for her and it doesn’t work for me.” Briefly Brianna explained what she’d learned about her grandfather.
“I understand.” Jaclyn reached out and started the car. She shifted into gear before facing Brianna. “But you can’t go on hating her, either. You’ve got to find a way past it. And you’ve got to do the same with Zac. Didn’t you say he wanted you to work with him?”
“He’s got this idea that I can help him shake up the school.”
“About time that school had a good shake-up,” Jaclyn said, steering into the restaurant parking lot. “Couldn’t hurt your career to be at the forefront of change, either, could it?”
“No,” Brianna mumbled.
“Then?” Jaclyn lifted an eyebrow. “What’s the problem?”
“The truth?” Brianna climbed out of the car.
“Always.”
“I don’t know if I can work with Zac.” That admission wasn’t easy.
“You probably can’t,” Jaclyn agreed, walking with her to the front door. “Until you let go of your resentment of him. You were young. You both made mistakes because you didn’t trust each other. It will take some heavenly healing and help for you to start again, Bri.” She rolled her eyes. “Listen to me—the pediatrician advising the child psychologist.”
“No, the best friend advising her dim-witted school buddy. Thanks, pal.” She stopped Jaclyn before they went inside and hugged her. “Did I tell you I’m so happy you and Kent are having a baby?”
“Me, too. But I want you to be happy, too, Brianna. And you aren’t going to be until you make peace with the past. So think about it. Okay?” She waited for her friend’s nod. “And I’ll pray for you to find a way to mend things with your mom. And Zac.” Then Jaclyn tugged her inside the café where they chose their favorite Mexican food.
Brianna enjoyed the meal. But her thoughts kept straying to Zac.
Would the past interfere with working together?
When Jaclyn dropped her off at Zac’s office, she went inside only after whispering a prayer for the right words, and after reminding herself that she was doing this for Cory, not Zac.
Chapter Five
Later that night Zac rapped on Brianna’s front door, excitement zinging through him. She opened the door, her hair tousled, her feet bare, her face weary.
“We got it,” he said simply. “Your World is a go.”
Her smile dawned slowly, starting in her eyes, which glowed green in the cast of the house light. The grin moved to light up her entire face, transforming her weariness into beauty.
“Come in, Zac.” She waved him to a chair, then flopped down on the sofa across from him and tucked her long legs under her. Her eyes sparkled. “So? Tell me what happened after I left.”
“Lots of good discussion.” Zac glanced around, remembering how the expensive knickknacks in this living room had always seemed to get in the way of his gangly teenage elbows and feet. Most of them were gone now rendering the room less glamorous but immensely more homey.
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Lois Richer
SMALL-TOWN REUNION Helping children in her hometown is a dream fulfilled for single mother Brianna Benson. But being back in Hope, New Mexico, isn’t easy for the medical clinic’s new child psychologist. Ten years ago, the night before her wedding, Brianna discovered that her fiancé, Zac Enders, betrayed her—and she left town in tears.Now a school administrator, Zac is asking for her help with kids at risk. Such as her own troubled son. But how can she work with the man who broke her heart? As Christmas approaches, the gift of reunited love is waiting to be unwrapped. Healing Hearts: Love is always the best medicine
Small-Town Reunion
Helping children in her hometown is a dream fulfilled for single mother Brianna Benson. But being back in Hope, New Mexico, isn’t easy for the medical clinic’s new child psychologist. Ten years ago, the night before her wedding, Brianna discovered that her fiancé, Zac Enders, betrayed her—and she left town in tears. Now a school administrator, Zac is asking for her help with kids at risk—such as her own troubled son. But how can she work with the man who broke her heart? As Christmas approaches, the gift of reunited love is waiting to be unwrapped.
“What’s your primary objection to working with me?” Zac asked.
“We have a past,” she said bluntly. “You must remember we seldom agreed on how things should be done.”
“I remember. And I remember we made it work anyway.” A crooked smile tipped his lips.
“Yes, well.” She coughed, searching for composure. “It simply wouldn’t work, Zac. I’m sorry.”
“You could make it work, Brianna. The past is over. There’s nothing between us now, after all these years. What happened when we were kids isn’t going to affect me now.”
His words stung, though they shouldn’t have.
Nothing between us after all these years.
Her fingers automatically rose to touch the chain that held the engagement ring he’d given her one Christmas Eve, hidden beneath the fabric of her blouse.
“Don’t say no, Brianna. Next weekend is Homecoming. It could be the kickoff for a new plan. Think about it until tomorrow. That would still leave us a week to plan something.”
“I’ll think about it.”
LOIS RICHER
began her travels the day she read her first book and realized that fiction provided an extraordinary adventure. Creating that adventure for others became her obsession. With millions of books in print, Lois continues to enjoy creating stories of joy and hope. She and her husband love to travel, which makes it easy to find the perfect setting for her next story. Lois would love to hear from you via www.loisricher.com (http://www.loisricher.com), loisricher@yahoo.com (http://loisricher@yahoo.com) or on Facebook.
Yuletide Proposal
Lois Richer
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
O God, you have declared me perfect in your eyes.
—Psalms 4:1a
For Barry, with love and celebration
for 30 amazing years.
Contents
Chapter One (#udc2ed5ff-22bf-5490-80d5-cfc1c0fdb4c1)
Chapter Two (#u8ccad427-0aff-5281-9d8a-12a16d9fea2f)
Chapter Three (#ude6156f4-80be-5a86-8bf9-1a24cc5347c3)
Chapter Four (#u9b1ed99a-5d28-53d1-b91a-0e7542787025)
Chapter Five (#ub700853d-f5c4-55a7-9c1d-de633ded384f)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Dear Reader (#litres_trial_promo)
Questions for Discussion (#litres_trial_promo)
Excerpt (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One
“Hello, Brianna.”
The past ten years had been kind to her former fiancé.
Though Brianna Benson scrutinized Zac Ender’s lean, tanned face, she found no sign of aging to mar his classic good looks. Even more surprising, his espresso eyes still glowed at her with warmth in spite of their past.
“Good to see you,” Zac continued, inclining his head to one side, a smile flirting with lips that once, long ago, she’d kissed. He bent slightly to thrust out a hand, which she shook and quickly released.
“Good to see you, too,” Brianna replied.
Zac had always bemoaned his height because an incident in his childhood to his knee left him unable to play basketball. To extra tall Brianna, Zac’s height was an asset not often found among the boys she’d known in high school.
That was only one of the things she’d once loved about him.
“How are you?” he asked.
“I’d be better if you hadn’t called me out of a session with one of my clients,” Brianna grumbled. She’d been back home in Hope, New Mexico, for two months. She’d been the psychologist at Whispering Hope Clinic where the high school referred their students for counseling for almost that long. So why had Zac waited until today, at ten past eleven, to renew their acquaintance?
He leaned back on his heels, studying her. “You look great.”
“Thanks. You’re director of education, huh?” Brianna’s nerves skittered at the way he studied her. Why was Zac back in Hope? More important, why was she reacting to him like some teen with a crush? “I didn’t realize you’d given up teaching.”
“I haven’t given up teaching. Just changed my focus to administration.” His unblinking stare rattled her. “It’s been a long time.” He said it as if they’d parted the best of friends when actually she’d run away from him on the morning of their wedding.
She raised one eyebrow. The only defense she could summon to battle the emotions he raised was disdain. “That’s why I’m here, Zac? To reminisce?”
“No.” His head gave a quick negative shake. “Of course not.”
Frustrated that her traitorous pulse was doing double time, that her palms still tingled though she’d released his hand, that yet again she couldn’t control something in her messed up world, Brianna sighed.
“So would you please tell me what is so important that I had to leave work on my busiest clinic day to come here?” she asked, except she really didn’t need him to tell her because she knew with heart-sinking certainty that it was Cory. It had to be. She’d expected returning to Hope would give her troubled son the fresh start he needed to turn his world around.
“Let’s discuss this in private. My office is this way.” Zac stood back, waiting for her to precede him.
The warmth stinging Brianna’s face had nothing to do with the late-September heat outside and everything to do with the curious eyes of the office staff now fixed on her. She walked past Zac toward the office at the rear of the hall. As she passed, her nose twitched at the familiar pine scent of his aftershave. Some things never changed.
“Have a seat.” He sat down behind his large, austere desk only after she was seated. That was Zac, manners all the way. His mother’s influence. If only her mother had been like that—caring instead of trying to force her daughter to give up her dream for a business she detested.
You can do anything, Brianna. You just have to believe in yourself.
Zac’s words echoed from those halcyon days. But there wasn’t much else to remind her of the shy, geeky boy who’d tutored her through junior and senior year so she could win a scholarship to college. Even his bottle-bottom glasses were gone, revealing the hard straight lines of his face. This mature Zac was confident and completely at ease.
“I don’t want to say this, Brianna,” he began, tenting his fingers on his desktop.
Her fingers tightened on the arm of her chair.
“Your son, er, Cory.” He paused.
“Zac, I know who my son is.” She steeled herself. “Get on with it, please.” Her heart cried at the thought of Cory messing up this last opportunity.
“He was on drugs in school today.”
“What?” Brianna gaped at him in disbelief. This was the very last thing she’d expected.
“Yes. In fact, Cory was so wound up, he hit another student in the hallway. Or tried to. Fortunately he missed and passed out on the floor.” Zac’s voice dropped forcing her to lean forward to hear. “I was really hoping drugs would not be one of the issues here.”
What had she brought her son home to?
“Cory doesn’t do drugs.”
“He took something today.” A touch of irritation dimmed Zac’s dark brown eyes.
“Is he all right?” She breathed a little easier at his nod and began summoning the courage to go to battle for her son—again—when Zac continued.
“He’s a little groggy, but the school nurse assures me the drug has almost completely worn off.”
“Cory doesn’t use drugs. I mean it, Zac.” Brianna held up a hand when he would have spoken. “You’ve seen his record. He’s made a lot of mistakes, but drugs are not one of them.”
“Yes, Cory said that, too.” Zac leaned back, face inscrutable.
“He did?” She narrowed her gaze. “When?”
“When I talked to him a little while ago.”
“Without me present?” she asked sharply.
“I was acting as guardian for the child, Brianna,” Zac defended. “Not as an enforcer, or policeman—to give him a penalty. I need to get to the bottom of this, and Cory provided some perspective.” He paused. “What I’m going to tell you now is off the record.”
“Okay.” Brianna nodded, confused.
“I believe Cory was tricked into taking something. He said someone gave him a drink. I discussed his symptoms with a doctor friend who works with emergency-room overdoses in Santa Fe. He suggested Cory may have been given a powerful psychotic.” The name of the drug made her gasp.
“That’s a prescribed substance!”
He nodded. “The police tell me they haven’t seen it in town before.”
In spite of the word police, something about Zac’s attitude reassured her, though Brianna wasn’t sure why. “What happens now?”
Zac was silent for several moments. His steady brown gaze never left her face.
“Are you suspending Cory?” she demanded.
“Not at the moment.”
“Then—” She arched her eyebrow, awaiting an explanation.
“I’ve been through this before, Brianna.”
“Through what?” She’d expected anger from Zac. Loathing. Disgust. Something different than this—understanding. “You mean you’ve seen drugs in school before?”
“Yes.” Zac nodded. His jaw visibly tensed. The words emerged in short clipped sentences. “Several years ago I taught a student who was also given drugs without his knowledge.”
“Oh.” She waited.
“Jeffrey had a lot of difficulties at home and at school. The high he got from that one time made him feel he’d escaped his problems, I guess.” Zac shook his head, his voice tight with emotion. “It wasn’t long before he became addicted.”
“I’m sorry,” she said to break the silence. Zac clearly struggled to tell her his story.
“Jeffrey called me the night before he died.” Zac licked his lips. Beads of moisture popped out on his forehead. “I think he was looking for a reason to live, but I couldn’t talk him out of committing suicide.” His ragged voice showed the pain of that failure lingered.
“How sad.” She ached for the anguish reflected in Zac’s dark gaze. He’d always been determined to help students achieve. This tragedy would have decimated him.
“Jeffrey was the brightest kid in the school.” Zac’s mouth tightened. “He’d already been accepted at Yale. He had his life before him, but because someone slipped him that drug, his potential was wasted.”
Brianna didn’t know what to say so she remained quiet, silently sharing the grief that filled his eyes and dimmed their sparkle. Suddenly the earlier awkwardness she’d felt didn’t matter.
“It’s okay.” She offered the soothing response she often used at the clinic.
“It’s not.” Zac’s shoulders straightened. His chin lifted and thrust forward. “It’s not okay at all. That’s why I have to nip this in the bud now.”
“Nip this—I don’t know what you mean.” Dread held her prisoner. Something was going on behind that dark gaze. Would her son be expelled? Would Zac punish her son because of what she’d done?
“I refuse to allow drugs to ruin another young life. Not Cory’s. Not anyone’s.” Zac blinked. His eyes pinned hers. “I’m going to need your help, Brianna.”
“My help?” She gaped at him. “I’ll certainly talk to Cory, get the whole story and help him understand how easily drugs can cause damage we never expect. But what else can I do?”
“More. A lot more, I hope.” Zac rose and began pacing behind his desk, his long legs eating up the distance in two strides. Nervous energy. He’d always been like that. “Let me explain. I came here—actually I specifically chose Hope because school test scores are rock-bottom, the lowest in the state.”
She listened attentively as he haltingly told her of the purpose he’d set for himself since Jeffrey had died. Zac spoke of making a difference, of helping kids find their own potential so that drugs weren’t even a consideration. His words reminded Brianna of his youthful eagerness to teach when they’d both been students at college, when their goals had been the same—to help kids uncover their potential.
“You must have seen the test scores in the files of the students you’ve counseled at the clinic,” he said.
“Yes.” Brianna nodded. “Pathetic.”
“Last year was my first year in this job and it was an eye-opener. I found a major lack of initiative, total boredom and a host of other issues. But I never found drugs.”
Brianna grew engrossed in his story of trying to create change until she glanced at her watch and realized she didn’t have much time to see Cory before her next appointment.
“I’m sorry it’s been so difficult, Zac,” she interrupted, rising. “Though I don’t know the first thing about combating drugs in schools. Education is your field.” His slow smile and those bittersweet-chocolate eyes, glittering with suppressed excitement, made her pause. “What?”
“You know a lot about motivating people, Brianna. You always did, even before you started practicing psychology. Inspiring people is in your blood.” He held her gaze with his own. “I doubt that’s changed.”
Surprised that he’d harked back to a past that could only hold painful memories for both of them, Brianna frowned.
“Remember when there were no funds for our school choir to go to that competition?” Zac’s grin flashed. “You were the one who roused everybody and got them to pitch in and raise money for the trip.”
“You want me to raise money?” she asked dubiously, confused by his excitement.
“No,” he said and continued as if she hadn’t interrupted. “When Jaclyn’s sister died, you were the one who made a schedule to ensure her friends would be with her during the first hard days after the funeral. You were the one who helped Jaclyn solidify her goal for Whispering Hope Clinic, and you were the one who kept that dream alive even though your other partner left town.”
“It wasn’t just Jaclyn’s goal. Jessica was my dearest friend. I vowed to keep her memory alive by making sure no other kid ever went through what she suffered because of a lack of medical help. That’s why I came back to Hope, to help kids,” she said.
“I know.” Zac smiled. “You’re an encourager, Brianna.”
What was with the trip down memory lane? It sounded as if Zac was praising her, but that couldn’t be. Brianna had jilted him!
“You’re a motivator who inspires, and you’re very, very good at it. I’ve always admired that about you.”
Admired her? Brianna bristled, irritated that his memory was so selective. The words spurted out without conscious thought.
“If you admired me so much, how come you betrayed me the night before our wedding?”
That was so not the thing she wanted to say to Zac Ender after ten long years. Brianna clapped a hand over her mouth and wished she’d never answered his summons this morning.
“I—wh-what?” Zac’s face was blank, his stern jaw slack.
Brianna had to escape.
“Look, I have to go. I have another appointment.” She grabbed her purse and headed for the door. “Perhaps we can talk about this again another time,” she murmured.
“Count on it.”
The firm resolve behind his words startled her into turning to look at him.
“We’re not finished, Brianna.”
She wasn’t sure whether that was a threat or a promise and she didn’t want to consider either at the moment. For some reason she couldn’t figure out, Zac still got to her. She needed time to get her defenses back up.
“I’ll talk to Cory,” she promised and left.
Brianna breathed deeply as she headed back to the clinic. Once there she paused a moment to study the exterior of the building that housed Whispering Hope Clinic and to remember how the dream had started. Jessica’s cancer had been diagnosed too late because of a doctor shortage in Hope. As they watched the disease decimate her, Jessica’s sister, Jaclyn, Brianna and their friend Shay had made a pact to one day return to this little town in New Mexico and open a medical clinic for kids to ensure no child ever went without help again. Jaclyn was now the pediatric physician at Whispering Hope Clinic. Brianna was a child psychologist and hopefully Shay would soon join them to offer physiotherapy.
Brianna’s mother had never understood how deeply Jessica’s death had affected her daughter, or how that death had prompted Brianna to volunteer in the hospital’s children’s ward. But it was there Brianna had learned to listen. That’s what she’d been doing on the school steps one afternoon with Shay and Jaclyn. A teacher had later commented on her ability to encourage, and then urged Brianna to consider becoming a counselor. Desperate to escape her mother’s expectation that she take over the family business, Brianna focused on her own plan—attend college, get her doctorate and return to Hope to keep her vow. Her mother’s refusal to help her reach that goal sent Brianna to seek help from the smartest kid in school, Zac. Once she’d thought he loved her but his perfidy had sent her away from Hope and she’d struggled to achieve her goal on her own.
Now that she was finally back in Hope, fulfilling the dream she’d cherished for so long, Brianna could not afford to get sidetracked by handsome Zac Ender.
* * *
Zac ran every evening after sunset, when the community of Hope was nestled inside their houses with their families around them. Usually he used the lonely time to review his progress in reaching his goals. But tonight his thoughts wandered back ten years to a time when he’d been so certain life couldn’t get any better; when Brianna Benson said she loved him and he’d loved her.
Zac knew now that he’d been deceiving himself. What did he know about loving a woman? He hadn’t had a father growing up, nobody to teach him anything about relationships, especially how to be the kind of husband Brianna needed. He’d always had a social disadvantage. Those first few years after the car accident that had killed his father had left Zac so badly injured he’d had to endure ten years of surgeries just to walk again. Maybe that’s when the lingering feelings of abandonment had taken root; maybe he was a loner because he’d never had a role model to show him how to become a man who could open up to a woman, to expose his deepest fears and his worst scars and trust that she would still care for him in spite of everything. Maybe that lack of inner harmony was why he never felt God had any particular use for a man like Zac Ender.
But for that tiny space in time ten years ago, Zac had believed marriage to pretty Brianna was the answer to his prayers. Then, her long, coffee-colored curls had framed her heart-shaped face. Her perfect white smile had engaged everyone and her hazel eyes had sparkled gold glints in their green depths as she’d cheered him on. Zac had bought into her dream that he could finally shed his inhibitions and open up to people as she did, without freezing up. For a little while he imagined it was possible to shed the inner lack of confidence which had branded him a laughingstock from the first awkward day his health had improved so much he’d finally been granted permission to quit homeschooling. He’d walked into Miss Latimer’s seventh-grade math class full of excitement and found he couldn’t answer a question he’d studied two years earlier. Instead he’d stuttered and stammered until Miss Latimer had called on someone else. Even now, all these years later, the sting of the other kids’ snickers and scorn still caused a mental flinch. As time passed, Zac had accepted their branding of the nerd who never fit in.
But in college, Brianna tantalized him with a self-concept that hinted at the possibility of him becoming poised and able to communicate in any situation. Though Zac had improved his communication skills thanks to Brianna’s tutelage, he now recognized that back then, inside, in the recesses of his heart, he’d never outgrown being that ashamed, embarrassed kid who couldn’t use words to express what was on his mind. Secretly, even then, he’d always feared that one day the vivacious, energetic and exuberant Brianna would realize he could never be the outgoing husband she wanted, that God simply hadn’t made him that way. The day her dad told him Brianna had run away from their wedding, the bubble of Zac’s pretend world burst.
Now, ten years later, Brianna had changed, and not just by cutting her hair into a pixie style that framed her face and made her eyes the focal point. Zac had changed, too. He knew who he was and exactly what his failings were. He was a nerd and he didn’t fit in. God didn’t mean for him to be a missionary or a minister. He didn’t gift Zac with social abilities. Zac still struggled to speak in public. Certainly God didn’t expect him to express his faith publicly, other than by attending church. Zac had no illusions about God ever turning him into a public figure. But Zac had a plan. And he’d done what he planned, gotten his degrees, advanced his career. He’d set very high goals for himself. None of them included romance. He had no intention of failing twice.
But now Zac had reached all his objectives save one. It was time to climb the final rung and prove to the world that nerd or not, Zac Ender wasn’t a failure. It was time to make his move from delivering education to formulating curriculum. To do that, he needed success. He’d chosen Hope High School as his proving ground.
Success in the only field he was good at was achievable, particularly if he could get Brianna’s help.
Zac thought he’d feel awkward with her today. But after the first few moments he hadn’t. It seemed natural to seek the opinion of the school division’s psychologist about a matter relating to school issues. He’d kept things cool and businesslike between them. No emotion, no harking back to their past mistake.
Until she’d made that comment “How come you betrayed me the night before our wedding?”
Zac jogged up his driveway and made his way to the back deck. He stretched out, gasping for breath as her words played over and over. Finally, when his breath evened, when he’d settled into a patio chair with a bottle of water and still no explanation for her comment arose, he decided it didn’t matter.
Their past was over and so was any relationship he’d had with Brianna. It was the future he had to focus on. He didn’t intend to waste a second of it rehashing who had done what. She’d come home to Hope. At the first job opportunity Zac intended to leave.
In the meantime he would seek Brianna’s help for the school, he’d work toward straightening out her son, but he would not allow any of his old feelings for her to take root. He couldn’t. Because some things never changed.
Ten years had proven nerdy Zac Ender was still not the man Brianna Benson wanted.
Chapter Two
“I’m leaving now, RaeAnn—”
Brianna stopped midsentence, surprised to see Zac in her office doorway.
“Hi.” He grinned.
“Hello. Uh, I’m just on my way to the nursing home. Mom needs...” She frowned. “Did we have an appointment?”
“No.” Zac turned, picked up something and carried it in. “Since you declined my offer of lunch, twice in the past two days, I might add,” he reminded, one eyebrow arched, “I figured you must be too busy to go out, so I brought lunch to you.” He set the basket on her desk and began unloading it. “Voilà.”
Wonderful aromas filled the room, catching Brianna off guard.
“Uh, that’s really nice, Zac.” She blinked. “But—”
“I’ll drop off whatever your mom needs on my way back to the office. Okay?” He stood waiting, looking every bit the professor his friend Kent always called him.
“But—”
“I really need to talk to you, Brianna. Today.” Clearly Zac wasn’t leaving.
Brianna decided it was best not to argue given that everyone who was still in the waiting room had probably seen or heard his arrival. Hope wasn’t a big town. She could imagine news of his visit to her office would spread like the flu that currently kept Jaclyn so busy. If the intense scrutiny the townsfolk gave her now was what Zac had to endure after she left, Brianna was amazed he’d ever returned.
Why was he back? It couldn’t be just the failing students. According to the television reports, there were failing students all over the country. Why had he chosen to return to Hope?
“Have a seat.” Zac pulled forward a small table and snapped a white tablecloth in place.
“Where did you learn to do that?” She stared as he set the table with a flourish.
“I ran out of funds before I finished my PhD so I waited tables.” He grinned. “Why do you look so surprised? As I recall, you always told me I had to get out in public more to develop my poor communication skills.”
She had, many times. But Brianna did not want to hark back to those days and be reminded of the many other things they’d said to each other, especially their promises. So she waited until he’d finished, took the seat he indicated and accepted the plate he offered.
“This is about Cory, isn’t it? I did talk to him and he still denies deliberately using drugs.”
“I know. We’ll get to that,” he promised. “For now let’s eat.”
She took a bite. Chicken salad—her favorite.
“This is really good. I’ve been to all the food places in town and I never saw this on the menu.” Brianna savored the hint of lime. “I haven’t had a decent chicken salad since I left Chicago. So where in town did you get it?”
“I made it,” Zac answered.
“You?” She stared in disbelief. “But you never cooked.” That was a stupid thing to say. In the past ten years, Zac had probably done a lot of things he never used to, just as she had.
“The cook at the restaurant where I worked couldn’t read. I taught her. She taught me how to make stuff like this.” He shrugged. “You used to eat chicken salad a lot in college. I figured you might still like it.”
“I love it.” As thoughtful as he’d always been, Brianna mused as she bit into a roll. She frowned, then held it up, looking at him with eyebrows raised. “This, too?”
“Nope. Sorry.” He shrugged. “Just not that talented.”
“Thank goodness.” She made a face. “I was beginning to feel intimidated.”
“Hardly.” He poured a cup of iced tea from a thermos he’d brought. “Nobody intimidates Brianna Benson.”
Brianna stared into Zac’s face, unsure of whether he’d meant that as sarcastically as it sounded.
“How is your mother, by the way?” he asked.
“Fine.” Brianna let his previous comment go. Zac was always sincere. If he were trying to get a dig at her, he’d do it openly. “She told me you’ve stopped to see her several times.”
“I go to the nursing home a few times a week to visit Miss Latimer. She was so good to Mom before she died that I try to repay the favor.” For a moment Zac peered into a distance as if remembering the sweet gentle mother who’d encouraged him through countless surgeries after a car accident that had killed his dad and left five-year-old Zac with multiple injuries. “How is your father?” he asked. “I haven’t seen him lately.”
“Dad’s doing better since his heart attack. He visits Mom a lot.” Brianna didn’t add that she didn’t understand why her father went so faithfully when it seemed all her mother did was carp at him.
“I’m sure he’s glad you’re back.”
“I guess. It seems weird to be living at home again, but Cory does the yardwork and I try to keep the house up. We’re managing.” She finished her salad and sipped her tea, scrounging for the courage to ask the hard questions. Finally she just blurted it out. “Why are you here, Zac?”
For a moment she thought she saw regret rush over his face. Which was silly. Granted it had been years, but she’d pushed into adulthood with Zac and grown to understand him. He was the type of man who never regretted his decisions. He thought through everything, weighed the pros and cons and made his choices only after he’d done a complete analysis. He didn’t have regrets.
So what did he want with her?
“What did you mean when you said I’d betrayed you?” Zac looked straight at her and waited for an answer. A frown line marred the perfection of his smooth forehead.
“It doesn’t matter. Let’s forget the past and deal with now.” Brianna took control of the conversation, desperate to avoid delving into the past again. “You want to find out who is giving out drugs and stop the spread of them in the school. I get that.”
“Oh, I want a lot more than that, Brianna.” Zac’s voice oozed determination. “I want the students in Hope’s schools to shake off their apathy and start using the brains God gave them. I want them to begin looking at the future with anticipation and eagerness.”
“But—” Brianna closed her lips and concentrated on listening. When Zac became this serious it was better to let him just say it.
“Do you know that less than one percent of the students graduating from Hope High School go on to college?” Zac huffed his disgust. “And no wonder. They have no interests. There’s no choir, no debate club, no science club, no language club. Everything’s been discontinued. And regular class attendance is a joke. That’s what I want to change.”
Brianna blinked at Zac’s fierce tone. “Okay, then.”
“And I want you to help me do it.”
“Me?” She could say no more because he interrupted again.
“I am not a motivator, Brianna.” Determination glittered in his eyes.
“That’s not true,” she said firmly. Zac had motivated her time after time when he’d tutored her to win a college scholarship and all through the courses that followed. You can do anything you want, he’d repeatedly insisted.
“If there were even a spark of interest, I could work with that.” He frowned at her. “But throw drugs into the mix and the challenge expands exponentially. I need a big change, something that will grab the students’ attention.”
Brianna didn’t know what to say. Zac sounded so forceful, so determined. Intrigued by this unexpected side of him, she decided to hear him out.
“I know you haven’t been here long, but think about the kids you’ve seen at the clinic.” Zac’s brown eyes narrowed. “Have you spoken with any who are excited about their future?”
“Uh, no.”
“No.” Zac’s cheeks flushed with the intensity of his words. “The world is theirs for the taking but they don’t care. They’re completly unengaged. Truthfully, so are most of their teachers. They don’t want to be, but you can only live with apathy for so long before it seeps into your attitude.” He exhaled and stared straight at her. “What we need is something to ignite interest so kids, including Cory, can get excited. That’s the only alternative I know to the pervasiveness of drugs.”
Brianna blinked. Wow. The old Zac had not been a man of words. This was the longest speech she’d ever heard him give and his passion was evident.
Of course she knew all about Zac’s teaching ability, not just from firsthand experience when he’d patiently tutored her, but she’d seen it while they’d studied for their undergrad degrees. Over and over she’d witnessed the way he’d throw himself into explaining a subject. In those days he’d never accepted her praise or seen his ability to instill interest as unique, but it was his skill as a teacher that had taught her to focus on what she wanted and channel her energy into getting it. He called her a motivator back then, too, but he’d been an encourager for her.
If only Cory could find someone like—
Zac.
In a flash of understanding Brianna realized that Zac was exactly who Cory needed to help him find his way. She’d worked hard to be both mother and father to her son, but she’d failed him somehow. Still, this wasn’t the time to stand by and let drugs or anything else ruin his chance to begin again. Brianna needed help.
But Zac?
Brianna had thought she knew what it took to raise a child properly—exactly what she’d always yearned for. Love, and lots of it. But the older her son became, the more Brianna’s doubts about her parenting ability grew. Love wasn’t breaching the growing distance between them. She was failing her own son.
Still—Zac as Cory’s mentor? He wasn’t even in the classroom anymore. Brianna spared a moment to wonder why Zac, who had teaching running through his blood, had chosen to move to administration.
“Will you help me, Brianna?” Zac’s face loomed inches from hers.
The earnest tone of his voice made her blink out of her memories.
“Uh, help you—do what exactly?” Every sensitive nerve in Brianna’s body hummed when he leaned close. In ten years she hadn’t given as much thought to their past as she had since seeing Zac the first day in his office. And she didn’t like the feelings it brought. “Look, Zac, I don’t think—”
Brianna stopped. How did you tell your ex-fiancé you didn’t think it was a good idea for you to work with him because he still made you feel things?
Her heart raced, pitter-pattering like any high-school junior’s did whenever she saw the local heartthrob. She was nervous, that’s all. After all, this man was asking a lot of her, and he’d betrayed her once.
“Listen, Brianna. Last night I learned that Eve Larsen had overdosed on drugs.” Zac tented his fingers.
“Jaclyn called me in for a consult.” She frowned. “What has that to do with Cory?”
Zac sat back, shifted, and then finally lifted his gaze to meet hers.
“Until Cory’s incident I had no idea that Hope—that the school—that we had a drug problem.”
“Maybe you don’t.”
“It’s the start of one. Hear me out, Brianna.” Zac stared at her as if she had something smeared over her face. “I’ve worked where the schools become infested with drugs. They creep in and then take over if nobody stops it. Once they’re in place, it’s desperately hard to get rid of a drug problem and loosen their grip on the student population. Believe me, I’ve tried.”
“So?”
“So when Cory’s case was thrown at me, I knew I couldn’t ignore it, not when I’m responsible for the rest of the students. He’s a very smart kid, Brianna, but he needs a challenge, something that tests his current beliefs about the world. He needs to be forced to use that brain.” Zac paused, his glance holding hers. “As I understand it, so far Cory’s been involved in misdemeanors, petty stuff—minor theft, nasty pranks, breaking his curfew—the kind of things that have repeatedly sent him to juvenile court.”
“Yes.” She was ashamed to hear Zac say it.
“And before you moved here, his last act was to join a gang. Not exactly the remorse a judge is looking for, which is probably why he gave Cory until Christmas to clean up his act and threatened him with juvenile detention if he doesn’t.”
“That’s what the judge said to me,” Brianna admitted.
“So you thought you’d move here, and Cory would turn around.” Zac leaned forward, holding her gaze with his intense one. “I’m very afraid that Cory’s not going to find the challenge he needs in Hope, Brianna. Not the way the school is now.”
Brianna sat back, concern mounting as she absorbed the impact of Zac’s words. She understood what he wasn’t saying. She’d arrived at Whispering Hope Clinic believing her work here would be much easier than her old job. But in the past few weeks she’d begun to question her ability, to wonder if she’d ever get the response she needed in order to help these kids.
“I know a little about drugs,” she murmured. “I did some practicum work with kids who were using. For most of the clients I saw then, the best I could offer was a listening ear.”
“Don’t you want to do more for Cory, much more?” Zac remained quiet, waiting for her to assimilate what he’d said.
In that silence, Brianna recognized the depth of his concern. His brow was furrowed—fingers clenched, shoulders rigid. The Zac she remembered only worried when something was out of his control.
“Do you think the drug situation in Hope is so bad that Cory’s future is out the window?” she asked, nerves taut.
“Not yet.” Zac shook his head.
“Then what are you saying?” she asked, holding back her fear.
“I’m saying that without something to counteract the drugs—and soon—there’s potential to ruin a lot of lives, including Cory’s. I’m asking for your help to create that counteraction.”
“How?” she asked cautiously.
“I’m not sure yet. That’s the problem.” Zac dragged a hand through his short hair, a familiar gesture that showed his frustration with having to go outside himself and his resources to accomplish something. He glared at her, his eyes intent. “When it comes to administration I’m the best you’ll find.”
“And humble, too,” she teased. Zac glared. “Sorry. Go on.”
“I can set the rules. I can find f-funding for programs. I can insist the teachers go beyond the usual to meet student needs...” The stutter proved Zac was moving well out of his comfort zone with his plea for help.
“But?” she prodded, confused by his words and his manner. Belligerent but beseeching.
“But I can’t get inside their heads.” His eyes glittered with suppressed emotion.
Suppressed emotion? Cool analytical Zac?
“I insisted the board hand over student counseling to Whispering Hope Clinic, to you, because the kids need somebody who’s engaged in their world, not a visiting counselor who will listen to them for an hour here or there, then disappear. They’ll see you on the street, in the café, at the grocery store. And they’ll know you are interested in them because that’s who you are. You’re a genuine nurturer, and they’ll recognize that.” He exhaled heavily.
“Thank you,” Brianna murmured, surprised by his generosity.
“I’m the authority figure. But you—you’re outside the school system, new in town, fresh from the big city. They’ll accept ideas from you. That won’t be a problem.”
“A problem for what?” She felt totally confused.
“For getting rid of the apathy that shrouds Hope. You don’t carry any baggage about Hope.”
“I don’t? You’re dreaming, Zac.” Brianna glared at him, hoping to remind him of their past.
“I meant preconceptions about these kids that would block you from seeing potential in them.” Their gazes locked before he looked away. “Knowing you, I’m pretty sure you’re brimming with ideas of what you want to accomplish in your practice. Innovation. Change.” He nodded. “That’s what I want, too.”
Brianna now had an inkling of where Zac was going with this and she didn’t like it. She did not want to work with him. She did not want to rehash all her old feelings of regret and rejection and get bogged down in them. Mostly she didn’t want to go back to those horrible hours and days after their almost-wedding when she’d struggled with the rightness of her decision to leave Hope and Zac.
“Just spell out what you want from me, will you, Zac?”
“Okay, I will.” He inhaled. “I need a plan to get these kids motivated. Hope isn’t like it was when we grew up here, Brianna.” He hunched forward, his face as serious as she’d ever seen it. “These kids aren’t gung ho about their future.”
“Not all of our peers were when we were growing up, either,” she reminded.
“Maybe not, but the vast majority of this generation of Hope’s kids have stopped imagining bigger or better. I want you to help me change that.”
Brianna stared at him, amazed by the passion in his voice.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” he grumbled.
“I don’t know what to say,” she admitted. “It’s a laudable goal and I wish you success, but beyond that, I don’t see what I can do. I’ve already got a lot on my plate,” she reminded. “I’ve barely started at the clinic.”
“You’ll be busy there. Because you represent hope.” He nodded. “That’s exactly what I want to give these kids, including Cory. Hope.” His voice dropped, his eyes melted. “Please, Brianna. Help me do that.”
She’d said that to him so many times in the past. Help me, Zac. And every time Zac had patiently helped solve her issue—whether it was schoolwork or peer issues. He even let her bawl on his shoulder when her mom’s controlling threatened to destroy her dreams, though she’d been too embarrassed to tell him the truth about the rift between her and her mother. Yet through all her problems, Zac had always been on her side.
Until the day before their wedding.
Brianna veered away from that, back to the present.
“You have to get back to work and so do I. Let me think about it, Zac.” When he would have protested she cut him off. “You’ve obviously been considering this for a while, but it’s all new to me. I don’t know that I can take on something else until I’ve got my world settled a little better.”
“What’s your primary objection?”
“We have a past,” she said bluntly.
“So?” His chin jutted out.
“You must remember we seldom agreed on how things should be done.”
“I remember. And I remember we made it work anyway.” A crooked smile tipped his lips. His grin made her blush.
“Yes, well.” She coughed, searching for composure. “You’d want to be rid of me after our first argument. I can’t afford any negativity. This is my career and I’ve worked really hard for it.” She tried to soften her words. “It simply wouldn’t work, Zac. I’m sorry.”
“You could make it work, Brianna. You always had ten irons in the fire and you never had a problem.” His voice dropped to a more intimate level as his gaze searched hers. “The past is over. There’s nothing between us now, after all these years. What happened when we were kids isn’t going to affect me now. How about you?”
His words stung, though they shouldn’t have.
Nothing between us after all these years.
Her fingers automatically lifted to touch the chain that held the engagement ring he’d given her one Christmas Eve, hidden beneath the fabric of her blouse. She recalled the many times she’d been down, on the verge of quitting, and had touched that ring, mentally replaying Zac’s voice encouraging her to focus on what she wanted and go for it. He didn’t know it, but he’d gotten her through so many hard times.
“Don’t say no, Brianna. Next weekend is Homecoming. It could be the kickoff for a new plan. Think about it until tomorrow,” he begged. “That would still leave us a week to plan something.”
“Why does inspiring these kids mean so much to you?” she asked curiously.
“Because of Jeffrey.” His voice was raw.
She frowned, not understanding.
“I failed him.” Zac’s tightly controlled voice held fathoms of pain. “I don’t want any more kids on my conscience.”
His anguish wrenched Brianna’s heart, but the thought of working with him made her knees knock.
“All I can promise is I’ll think about it.” Brianna rose.
“Good enough.” He rose, too.
“Thank you for lunch. It was very nice.” Nice? It was the most interesting lunch she’d ever had. And that’s what worried her.
“You can help, Brianna.” Zac touched her arm, and then as her skin burned beneath his fingertips, he let his hand fall away. He gathered and stored his things. “Please consider it seriously.”
Brianna nodded, handed over the package for her mother when he insisted and watched him leave. Her caseload at the clinic left little time to think about what Zac had said until later that night when, after another argument about his curfew, Cory finally went to bed. She tried to talk to her dad but surprisingly he encouraged her participation with Zac.
“Let the past go, Brianna. Otherwise it will eat you to death.”
If it were only that easy.
When he retired and she was alone, Brianna pulled out all the arguments and pieced them together in her head.
Zac made a good case, but despite his intensity and passion, she had a hunch he hadn’t told her all his reasons for wanting this project. And forget what he’d said about their past being over; their past was a minefield of things not said. Resentment stirred like a boiling cauldron inside her. Zac, no doubt, carried his own grudges. Sooner or later he’d want to see her pay for running out on him.
Brianna ached to forget the past, but seeing Zac again revived the sense of betrayal she still felt, made worse since Jaclyn had announced her pregnancy. She and Kent were building their future. What was Brianna’s future? Cory would grow up, leave and she’d be alone.
She knew love like what Kent and Jaclyn shared wasn’t for her. She’d given that up when she’d left Hope ten years ago. That’s why she married Cory’s father, because it didn’t involve her heart. But she was finally doing the one thing she’d dreamed of all her life—counseling kids. She would not be swayed from that goal.
Like a movie, the night of their rehearsal dinner replayed in her mind.
You’re right, Mrs. Benson. We’ll stay in Hope for a while. Brianna will work in your interior-design store, maybe even take over for you.
With those few words Zac had derailed her dreams, broken every promise he’d made her and destroyed her faith in his integrity. He hadn’t known all the details of her battles with her mom, but he had known that Brianna never wanted to return to the store when she’d left after high school, despite her mother’s determination that she do so. And yet, he’d promised her mother Brianna would do the one thing she’d always fought against. He’d betrayed her.
Now he wanted her help.
How could she say yes after he’d destroyed the trust she had in him?
How could she say no when he was trying to help kids—kids like Cory?
Sighing, Brianna pulled out her Bible and read a couple of chapters. But they were just words. God, as usual, seemed far away. Still, ever hopeful, she reached out.
“What do I do, Lord?”
The empty silence left her aching with the familiar feelings of heavenly abandonment. Where was God when she needed Him?
It was going to be another sleepless night.
Chapter Three
There were very few times in his life that Zac regretted his actions. Yesterday’s plea to Brianna ranked right up there.
He stabbed the button on his phone that paged his secretary.
“Tammy Lyn, would you get me the number of that counseling outfit in Las Cruces, please?” Zac would find his own solutions. Because somehow, he was going to get that state job.
“I will. And I have Brianna’s office on line two. She wants to see you between her appointments tomorrow. Do you have a time preference?”
She was going to refuse. Zac was surprised by the rush of disappointment that swamped him. Had he really been looking forward to working with his former fiancée—the one who’d caused him so much embarrassment?
And why had Brianna run away on their wedding day? Zac wasn’t sure he believed her mother’s explanation that Brianna had realized she was too immature for marriage.
“Zac?” Tammy Lyn’s impatient reminder snapped his daydream.
“Sorry.” He swallowed, firmed his voice. “Three o’clock. I’ve got that board meeting at five.”
“Okay, we’ll try for that.” Tammy Lyn clicked off the intercom.
Zac wondered how Brianna would phrase her refusal. She’d probably try to poke around in his brain first, wanting to figure out what he hadn’t said yesterday. Guilt made him shift uncomfortably.
He hadn’t told her his goal of attaining the state job when she’d questioned his reasons for asking for her help. And he should have. Initiating a program to motivate kids that resulted in higher test scores would certainly improve his chances of getting a job developing curriculum, which sounded pretty selfish. But truthfully, influencing education at a state level seemed to Zac the only viable way he could make lasting changes in student achievement, and do it without the people skills he lacked. Still, when Brianna found out state education was his ultimate goal, she would probably assume he was using her.
Aren’t you? the nagging little voice in his head demanded.
Yes, he wanted her help to change things in Hope. But her son would benefit from the changes here. So would a lot of other kids. It had been incredibly difficult for Zac to return to the scene of his biggest shame, to the place where he’d spent a year enduring whispers and gossip about their broken relationship. But he’d come back because of the vast changes that were possible here. If only he could engage these kids.
On the surface, seeking Brianna’s help seemed stupid. After all, she’d walked out on him, shattered the love he’d had for her when she left him standing at the altar. That love had crumbled to nothing during a year of public humiliation while he fulfilled the teaching contract he’d so stupidly agreed to. But now, ten long years later, they were both back in Hope and the truth was Zac missed the camaraderie they’d once shared when Brianna had been his best friend.
Zac was finished with love. That year in Hope had made him determined to never again take the risk of giving his heart to someone, to never again risk such public humiliation. He’d spent years honing a protective shell that kept anyone from getting too close.
But now he and Brianna lived in the same town, shared the same friends and had a mutual interest in seeing the school do well. Ten years later Zac didn’t want her love. He wanted her help.
Persuading her wasn’t going to be easy.
“Zac?” Tammy Lyn’s intercom voice cracked through his thoughts. “The person you wanted in Las Cruces is out until next week. Sorry. If you could give me that stuff for the board meeting tomorrow I could format it and distribute it today.”
“You’ll have it as soon as I’m finished,” he promised. Mentally steeling himself for Brianna’s negative response, Zac blanked out everything and got busy with his notes for the board meeting. They had to be letter perfect because he was lousy at ad-libbing.
Getting that state job would be the culmination of all he’d worked for. That it might ensure nobody in Hope ever said “Poor Zac” again was an added bonus. At state level he could make curriculum more relevant and help kids learn. That was Zac’s primary goal.
If he had to do it without Brianna’s help, so be it.
* * *
Brianna walked up the stairs to the district school office the following afternoon with her throat blocked. This was probably the wrong thing to do. She was a gullible fool. But she was going to do it anyway.
Two minutes later she was seated in Zac’s office where he had hot tea and some coconut cookies waiting.
“You’re not going to tell me you baked these, are you?” she asked, trying for levity to crack the tension in the air.
“No.” He smiled as he poured out two cups. “Sorry.”
“Thank you.” She accepted her tea, sipped it, inhaling the fresh orangey scent that was her favorite. He’d remembered—another surprise.
“Have a cookie.”
Brianna accepted one and chewed on it while he talked about people they knew who were returning for the Homecoming weekend. But eventually the small talk became punctuated by too-long silences. It was time to get to the point.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said, Zac,” she began.
“I shouldn’t have asked you.” For a brief moment his eyes grew clouded. But then he blinked, and the impassive expression was back in place. “I understand why you have to say no, Brianna. People would talk if we worked together and the gossip—” He rolled his eyes. “Let’s just say I don’t want to go through that again.”
“I’m not concerned about gossip.” She frowned.
“Then it’s working together that bothers you.” Zac rubbed his chin. “I thought—hoped that after so many years we’d be past that and able to concentrate on what’s best for the kids, but—”
“It’s not the past, either,” Brianna sputtered, frustrated that he kept butting in.
“Then it’s me. I understand your hesitation.” He leaned forward, face earnest. “Forget about it. I’ll manage.”
“But—”
“No, if you have hesitations, you should say no.” He sat there, silent, as if he didn’t know how to proceed.
“Actually I was going to say yes,” she said in her driest tone. “But I think you just talked me out of it. I mean, if you no longer need me—”
Zac’s eyes widened. His Adam’s apple moved up and down as he gulped. He blinked. “Pardon?”
“I said I would help you. If you want me to.” His attitude confused her and she hated feeling confused. “Are you regretting asking for my help, Zac?”
“Uh, no. Not exactly.” His carefully blank expression irritated her.
“I know you think I let you down—before.” She met his stare. “I won’t do that again. I promise.”
“This isn’t about the past,” he murmured.
“Maybe not, but our past certainly weighs into it.” She needed to get the guilt out in the open, to deal with it and maybe, finally, be free of it. “You can’t deny we have a history.”
“I’m not denying anything.” His head went up and back, his shoulders straightened. “We made plans.” He shrugged. “They didn’t happen.”
“No. They didn’t.” Because he and her mother had spoiled that. Suddenly it seemed pointless to discuss the past. “So?” Brianna poured herself another cup of tea just to keep her hands busy. “Where do we start?”
“With Homecoming?” He pulled forward a blank pad and wrote the word across the top in his scratching script. “It would give us the most bang for our buck if we announced a new plan at the Friday-morning assembly. Some parents will probably show up for that so this way they’d learn about our plan at the same time as the kids.”
“Whatever our plan is,” she added in a droll voice.
“Yeah. Maybe we could put a float in the Homecoming parade.” He doodled on the pad.
“A float? We only have a week to organize it. And why a float? What’s the purpose?” Brianna didn’t mention that her brain had been whirling with ideas ever since he’d asked her to help, because it was also whirling with confusion at how he’d pushed everything they’d shared into the past. Was it so easy for Zac to forget that he’d once said he loved her?
“Forget about the time left.” He leaned back in his chair. “Forget about everything but that some kids need your help. Now, I know you’ve been thinking about this because you couldn’t help yourself. You’re compelled to get in there and nurture these kids to do better.” He grinned. “So how shall we start?”
They brainstormed ideas. It was slow going at first, but gradually Brianna relaxed enough to let her thoughts roam freely. Finally the idea that had been hidden at the back of her brain burst out.
“Your world.” She stared at the scribbles he’d made on the paper, then lifted her head to stare at him. “It’s called ‘Your World.’”
“Okay.” He wrote that down then waited. “Meaning?”
“How do you want your world to look?” She smiled as his face tightened. “That’s straight from your lips, Zac. Get kids thinking by giving them a glimpse of what could be, beyond Hope, beyond what is now.”
“Good.” He tapped his pen. “How do we start?”
“First we need board approval. And a budget. You’ll have to get the teachers on board with this, too,” she warned.
“I can do that.”
She was surprised by how easily Zac accepted her ideas, but she didn’t stop to think about it because thoughts kept mushrooming in her head. “Remember Billy Atkins?”
“Billy. Sure, I remember.” Zac nodded. “He runs the local newspaper.”
“And he’s still a phenomenal artist judging by the mural on the side of his building. I think you should have the entry wall, the one you see the moment you enter the school, painted a startling white.” She grinned. “And then ask Billy to paint a globe on it with the words Your World across the top. Dad could probably help if we needed him.”
“Okay.” Skepticism filled his face. “What do we do with this globe?”
“This is where you have to be flexible, Zac.” She paused, inhaled, then told him the gist of her idea. “Every kid gets a chance to write what he wants to see in his world on that wall.” She didn’t stop even though his face blanched. “If this is going to work, the students have to believe someone will listen to what they write, listen to what they want. You and the staff must accept their ideas, whether or not you agree with them. You have to be genuine. I will not be part of this if you or the board intend to veto the suggestions they make.”
“There are certain things we can’t allow,” he said stiffly.
“Of course.” She nodded. “So you say that to the kids. No vulgarity, no cursing, no inappropriate remarks about teachers. But don’t get hung up on the negatives. You want genuine responses that the students are willing to work to achieve.”
“And if we get the other?” he asked.
“You have that painted over and wait for a new suggestion.” Brianna paused to watch his face. “Be prepared, Zac. It might not go as well as you hope at first. But I think, if given a chance, students will have some remarkable ideas about the way they want their world to look. Some ideas may be quite easy to achieve. But nothing can be discounted just because you think it’s too difficult or too far out,” she warned. “Every idea deserves consideration.”
Zac wrote as fast as she talked, nodding from time to time. When he finally looked at her, a glimmer lit his eyes.
“It might work,” he said in a dazed tone. “It just might work.”
“It will work, but only if no one judges or criticizes. Your World is all about possibilities.”
“What do we do once everyone has contributed?” He laughed and shook his head. “I know what you’re going to say. Start working on them. Right?”
“Yes. We’ll need a committee of students who are willing to prioritize and a teacher or two who will agree to sit in on their meetings. Sit in on,” she repeated firmly. “Not run. This is an initiative by the students.”
“Maybe you can think about doing that,” he suggested.
Brianna shook her head. “I’m here only to help brainstorm ideas.”
“Any more of them?” Zac asked, one eyebrow arched.
“I’d forget about announcing anything at the rally.”
“But—” He stopped, looked at her and said, “Go on.”
“This might be hard to do in the short time left before Homecoming, but if the board agrees to the plan and you can recruit some people, I think a float in the Homecoming parade is a good idea.” He didn’t interrupt so she continued. “A great big globe with the words Your World—How do you see it? floating down the street will get a lot of attention. No explanation. Nothing. You, the teachers, the board—you all remain silent until the plan is announced on Monday. By the time Monday comes and the wall is ready, everyone in the entire town will be talking.”
Zac nodded, jotted a few more things on his paper. By the time he leaned back in his chair, he’d lost the tense air she’d seen when she arrived.
“This is exactly what we need. A little excitement, a little mystery, something out of the ordinary.” His eyes met hers sending a little tingle down Brianna’s spine.
She was not prepared for his next question.
“Would you be willing to be the spokesperson for Your World at the board meeting?” Zac held up a hand to interrupt her refusal. “You think on your feet. You’re good at public speaking. You can present this idea in a way that will grip the board far more than anything I say. They’ll listen to you, Brianna.”
“They won’t listen to you?” She frowned. That didn’t sound like a good start.
“Yes, they would. But I’d rather present the information about drugs and the threat to our schools.” He met her stare. “I want them to have a clear picture of what could happen if we don’t initiate this program.”
“You’re the negative, I’m the positive, which will make them more inclined to see this as a solution, a way out,” she mused. “Good idea.”
“You’ll do it?”
“Not so fast. By presenting this, I’m the one who’ll take the heat if something goes wrong or if the plan fails.” She paused. “Or is that the point?”
“I never thought of that, but it works for me.” He chuckled at her dark look. “You won’t take any heat, Brianna. I’ll make sure of that. Anyway, I have a feeling they’re going to embrace this idea. It will give everyone a kick start to make changes.”
“When’s the board meeting?” Brianna asked.
“Tonight.”
“What?” She gulped. “Zac, I need time to prepare.”
“No, you don’t. You always excelled at speaking off the cuff. I doubt that’s changed.” He stacked his papers together. “Be here at seven. I’ll rework the agenda so our plan will go first.”
“Zac, I—” Brianna panicked. What was she doing? She hadn’t been back in Hope that long. She didn’t even know who was on the school board. What business was it of hers to make a suggestion like this to people who’d probably see her as an interloper after so many years?
“Brianna.” Zac’s hand covered hers and sent a shockwave up her arm.
“Yes?” She refocused. His dark eyes gleamed with something—hope?
“This is for the kids—for Cory.” His fingers tightened against her skin. “Don’t think about anything else. Concentrate on the kids.”
Her free hand lifted to touch the outline of her ring lying under the collar of her blouse. The old Zac, the one she’d remembered, had smiled like that and made her think of possibilities, and infused her with courage when she most needed it.
The tingling in her arm magnified. Brianna drew away from his touch. What was it about this man that he could still get her to react with nothing more than a smile and a touch?
“You can do it, Brianna.”
There it was again, that encouragement she remembered so well.
“They’re just people,” he said quietly. “Parents like you who want their kids to succeed. We can help them, if we work together. If we get the town working together.”
How many years had she prayed, begged God to let her help kids, to give her the knowledge and grace to make a difference in the world? Her old job had denied her that opportunity. She’d felt useless, a cog in a machine that ground up and spat out those who didn’t conform. She’d done her best to help, but this would bring her the chance she’d longed for every time she’d pushed herself a little harder to finish her doctorate. This was why she’d clung to Zac’s ring and savored his past words of encouragement even when he was no longer in her life. Now he was telling her she could make a difference in Hope.
“Okay. I’ll do it.” Her nerves evaporated.
“Thank you.”
“On one condition,” she added.
“Brianna.” Zac sighed. “What condition?”
“Just listen.” She had to stand firm on this. “I have Cory, my mom in the nursing home and my dad healing from his heart attack. I also have my work. All of them take my time, time I’ll have to cut back on to help you. So I want your agreement that if and when you see a time and place where you can get involved with Cory, you will.”
“Cory? But what would I do?” Clearly Zac was not enthralled by the prospect.
“I don’t know. But there must be something.” Brianna leaned forward. “Cory’s on the wrong path and I need help to turn him around before his appointment with the judge at Christmas. I’ve agreed to help you out, Zac, now I want your promise you’ll do what you can to find some common ground with Cory.”
“I don’t know what I can do,” Zac murmured.
“You’ll think of something.” Inside she was desperately afraid he’d refuse, but she stood firm. “That’s my condition, Zac. Take it or leave it.” She waited, hoping he’d say yes because she really wanted to be a part of Your World, to make a difference, to see lives changed because of something she’d helped create.
“All right. If there’s something I can do, I’ll try.” That was all Zac said, but it was enough.
His secretary paged him then, so Brianna left. As she drove back to work, she realized Zac’s project was her opportunity. If she could just find the right words, share her vision with the school board, maybe she could finally help kids as she’d longed to since she’d left Zac—and this town—so long ago.
“Please don’t let me screw this up,” Brianna prayed.
Chapter Four
“Dad, why is Mom so insistent I revive her store? It’s been closed for years.” Fresh from a disastrous visit at the nursing home, Brianna flopped into a chair. “I don’t understand her obsession with that place.”
“Nor did I until last year.” Hugh Benson sank into his easy chair, his face sad. “I learned the whole story after a private investigator visited us. You see, your grandfather passed away last year. According to his will, his assets were then distributed to his descendents—Anita being his daughter.”
“A grandfather? In Iowa? But you never told me—” Brianna frowned at him.
“I never knew. Your mother told me when we were married that her father was dead. That’s all I ever knew until last year when your mother told me her father inherited a furniture store from his father. Anita grew up there. She worked in that store from a very early age, loved it and learned every facet of what went on. You know how adept your mother is at business. As an only child, she expected to one day run the family business herself.”
“Of course.” Brianna recalled her mother’s keen business sense. “She’d have been very good at it. She always had a flair for interior decor.”
“Yes.” Her father looked grim. “Well, Anita stepped in to manage the place when her dad had his first heart attack. She was only eighteen and did well, except she made a mistake. Her error cost the company money and her father was furious. A little later, when he was forced to retire, he refused to give Anita any control because of that mistake. He said she wasn’t smart enough or capable enough to carry on the business he’d inherited from his father.”
“Poor Mom. That must have hurt.”
“Yes, even more because he put some distant cousin in charge and made Anita one of the hirelings. The cousin made bad mistakes but no matter how Anita pleaded, her father wouldn’t recant. Anita was desperately hurt and left Iowa after her mother died. Her father told her not to come back so she didn’t. She never spoke to her father again. The bequest he left her was the smallest in his estate, smaller than the least employee’s. He punished her to the end.”
“So to get back at him, Mom created her own business to pass on to me,” Brianna guessed, glimpsing the past with wiser eyes. “That explains so much. But why didn’t she ever tell me?”
“Would it have made a difference?” her father asked, his face grave.
“You mean would I have given up my goal of psychology?” she asked. “No. But at least I’d understand why she was so determined that I stay. She was ashamed and embarrassed and determined to prove her father wrong by building her own business. Except I couldn’t be part of it.” Hindsight explained a lot.
“So now you know.” Hugh Benson’s pencil flew across the page, his caricature of Cory coming to life. “You said you came back to Hope to help kids. So that’s why you’re helping Zac present this Your World plan tonight?”
“Yes.” Brianna sighed. “I’m not sure about working with him, though.”
“Because?”
But Brianna could not, dare not answer that. Not until she’d sorted out the miasma of conflicting feelings that took over whenever Zac was around.
Outside, a short beep of a car horn sounded.
“That’s Jaclyn. We’re going out for a quick supper before I go to the board meeting. I know you’re going back to see Mom. Cory’s eating at his new friend’s house but he’s supposed to be back in a couple of hours.” Brianna grabbed her bag and her jacket. As she slipped her feet out of slippers and into her sandals she felt her dad’s stare. “What?”
“I thought—hoped you might stop by the nursing home later tonight. You know the truth now. Maybe you two could make up.” There was no condemnation in his quiet voice but that didn’t stop Brianna feeling a ripple of guilt.
“It’s too soon for that, Dad.” She grabbed the doorknob. “Mom was pretty upset today.” She winced, remembering her mother’s angry diatribe.
“Brianna.” Her dad’s firm tone insisted she hear him out.
She inhaled and waited.
“Your mother had a stroke.” He sounded angry. “She can’t do the things she wants to do and her temper flares. She gets uncertain mood swings and frequently can’t express herself the way she wants. Cut her some slack, will you?”
All the past hurt, all the angry words and bitter remarks she’d endured came flooding back. Brianna couldn’t stop the rush of anger.
“I’ve been cutting Mom slack my whole life, Dad. I figured that maybe, after all these years, she might have learned to do the same for her one and only daughter. But I guess I still embarrass her.” Stung by the chastisement in his eyes, she left, quietly but firmly shutting the door behind her before she walked to her friend’s car.
“Hey, Brianna. I’m starv—” Jaclyn took one look at her face and turned off the car. “What’s wrong? Cory again?” She frowned, shook her head. “No, wait. I know that look. It’s your mom, isn’t it, Brianna?”
“I’m a fully accredited psychologist, Jaclyn. I’ve dealt with all kinds of people. Yet, I can’t seem to deal with my feelings toward my own mother.” Slowly she unclenched her fingers as she relayed what she’d learned. “It explains why, all these years, she’s been so driven. But why couldn’t she have just told me?”
“Old grudges die hard.” Jaclyn frowned. “Now, what are you going to do about it?”
“Keep trying to rebuild our relationship.” Brianna couldn’t keep the bitterness of the past inside any longer; she had to let it out. “My mother is the reason I left Hope. Well, her and Zac.”
“I’m your best friend, Brianna.” Jaclyn frowned. “Isn’t it about time you finally explained why I never got to wear your mother’s choice of that delightful flounced fuchsia bridesmaid dress down the aisle for your wedding?” She giggled at Brianna’s gagging sound but quickly sobered. “You’re only about ten years late explaining.”
“It was always too hard to talk about. I wanted to forget it.” She gulped, forced herself to continue the sad story. “Remember the rehearsal dinner?”
“Like I could forget that—all eleven courses.” Jaclyn grimaced.
“There weren’t eleven!” Brianna argued. “But my mother did have to make her only daughter’s wedding an extravaganza.”
“Go on.”
“After the rehearsal dinner I hadn’t seen Zac for a while so I went looking for him. He and my mother were by the hotel pool.” Brianna bit her lip. “I overheard them talking. He accepted her offer of a teaching job in Hope for two years. Without even talking to me, he accepted.”
“But how could—?” Jaclyn’s furrowed brow smoothed. “Oh, I remember now. Your mom was elected chairman of the school board that year, wasn’t she?”
“Yes. And she had the store, of course.” Brianna swallowed hard. “I heard Zac tell her he was worried about supporting me. Remember I couldn’t find a job that summer. As my mother said many times, I returned to Hope with a useless undergrad degree.” Bitterness ate another hole inside.
“She never understood how much psychology meant to you, did she?”
“She always said I should get over Jessica’s death, like it was a skinned knee or something.” Brianna bit her lip. “It hurt so badly to lose her. I couldn’t just forget her or that her death might have been prevented if better medical care had been available in Hope.”
“Nor could I,” Jaclyn murmured.
“Anyway that night Mom preyed on Zac’s fears.” Brianna needed to get this out and let go of it. “She convinced Zac we should stay in Hope by guaranteeing him a job and telling him that I’d have work in her store while he taught. She said we’d be able to save faster for our PhDs.”
“Baloney.” Jaclyn snorted. “She was always after you to take over her store. She couldn’t accept your refusal so she decided to bribe your fiancé to get her way.”
“Exactly. I couldn’t believe Zac agreed with her that I should work in the store. He knew as well as you did how useless I felt in that place. I was never into home decor. I had no knack for furniture styles or placement. Still don’t,” Brianna admitted. “The only thing I enjoyed about that store was the fabrics, hence my love of quilts.”
“Did you talk to Zac about it?”
“I tried on the way home after the party. I asked why he’d accepted the job without talking to me. He was surprised that I was angry about it. He thought I’d be glad that we wouldn’t have to go into a lot of debt for our degrees.” She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and inhaled to ease the stress of those horrible moments. “He said I’d probably end up reconsidering my decision to do a doctorate anyway once we had a family.”
“Shades of male machismo.” Jaclyn’s face tightened.
“No. He wasn’t being macho. I don’t think he honestly believed I was as committed as he was.” Brianna sighed. “I was stunned by what he said. Weeks of him falling in with my mother’s suggestions and not standing up for me—I’d been having doubts about getting married and I told him so. But he apologized, convinced me that he loved me, that he only wanted what was best for us.”
“So you decided to go through with the wedding.”
“Yes. But I was furious. When I got home, I told my mother I knew she’d gone behind my back to coerce Zac into accepting that job.” Brianna tried to make her friend understand. “She knew we’d planned to get jobs in the city where we could still take night classes because I’d gone to great lengths to explain our plans to my parents. Zac and I had put months of thought into it because I’d insisted we have our game plan in place before we ever came to Hope for the wedding. She knew that plan and she deliberately ruined it.”
Jaclyn squeezed her shoulder in sympathy. “Tell me the rest.”
“Eventually my mother admitted asking Zac’s mom to say she was too ill to travel for the wedding so we’d have to come here to get married. It was all part of her plan. Zac and I, we were just pawns.”
There was nothing Jaclyn could say.
“I asked her why she’d done it. Do you know what she said?” The protective barrier she’d maintained for so many years was breached as tears welled. Brianna made no attempt to stop them. “My mother claimed she’d done it to help me. She said Zac told her he was worried I’d never be able to support myself, that he felt I was holding him back. She said Zac’s mom was afraid I might derail his goal to get his PhD. My mother insisted she couldn’t stand by and watch me lose him. The way she put it, I began to believe she was right, that for Zac’s sake I needed to stay and work in the store.”
“Oh, Brianna. I wish you’d called me.”
“I wish I had, too. But I was so confused. And Mom just kept piling it on. I was a weight on Zac’s back, but she said she would rescue me. She would make me assistant manager at her store. I’d run things and she’d take a break once in a while.”
“That wouldn’t have happened. She always had to be the boss.” Jaclyn bit her lip. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s true.” Brianna swallowed. “Anyway, she said I had to prove to Zac that I didn’t need him to be responsible for me, so he wouldn’t feel I was—let’s see, ‘a chain around his neck’ was the way she put it. She said that maybe then he wouldn’t resent me.”
Jaclyn made a face. “And Zac? You did talk to him about it?”
“After my argument with my mother I called him. He said she was right, that he had been worried but he wasn’t now that he had the job. He said it was better to stay in Hope and save.” Brianna pursed her lips. “He even suggested we consider moving in with one or the other of our parents to cut costs further.”
Jaclyn groaned.
“I was reeling.” Brianna tried to smile. “All our plans were out the window. I just wanted him to reassure me. But Zac was really worried about the financial aspect of both of us returning to school. He even said he was glad I was willing to do my share. As if I was some kind of leech!”
“He was probably just nervous. Zac was never great with words,” Jaclyn reminded.
“He repeated over and over that he was glad I’d finally be working,” Brianna sputtered. “And he kept babbling about getting his PhD as soon as possible. He sounded as if he thought I’d ask him to give up his dream.”
“He used to bore us to tears with that PhD dream sometimes, didn’t he? But I’m sure he loved you,” Jaclyn consoled.
“Well, I wasn’t so sure. And the more my mother talked to me, the less sure I became. She played me like a fiddle, Jaclyn.” Brianna sighed. “I finally decided she was right, that I was holding back the man I loved and that I needed to give up my own dream to help Zac. So I agreed to work in her store.”
Jaclyn frowned. “But you didn’t stay, Brianna. You left.”
“Yes.” Brianna couldn’t stop her tears. A bitter smile rose from the cauldron of bitterness simmering inside. “Zac phoned me the next morning to tell me of my mother’s suggestion that we cut our honeymoon short so I could start work early, as thanks for the elaborate wedding that I never wanted.”
Jaclyn’s face expressed her disgust.
“I told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of that. He sounded hurt. He was only trying to help make it easier for me, he said. It would be a sacrifice but sometimes sacrifices were necessary. I told him I felt I was making all the sacrifices and he said that he was sacrificing, too, by having to put off his doctorate. We argued a bit, made up and I hung up. Then my mother appeared with a list she’d made of my future duties and responsibilities at the store and a contract.”
“A contract?” Jaclyn lifted one eyebrow.
“She said I’d need to sign a contract for five years to make sure she wasn’t left high and dry if I changed my mind. Five years!” Brianna straightened her shoulders. “I knew then how it would be, how she’d grind me down until I gave up my plan to become a child psychologist. And I knew Zac wouldn’t be strong enough to stand up to her, either. You see she was right about one thing.”
“Right how?” Jaclyn glared at her. “Explain.”
“I’d been worried for some time that I was holding Zac back. He was so much smarter, had so much to offer. I slowed him down because he spent so much time helping me, time he should have spent on his own work.” Brianna dashed away her tears. “If we’d married and I got stuck in her store, Zac would have felt compelled to stay those five years, too. I didn’t want him to lose his dream because of me.”
“That woman!” Jaclyn sputtered.
“It wasn’t just Mom.” Brianna felt the weight of it dragging her down. Wasn’t confession supposed to make her feel better? “By then Zac was completely under her spell, convinced that giving up our plans to teach in Hope was his opportunity. I was afraid Zac would eventually turn against me if I objected too much and I couldn’t stand that. I loved him and I wanted him to be happy. I thought he would be if I wasn’t there so I packed a bag and snuck away.”
“I would have helped you if I’d known.”
“I know. But then Mom would have caused problems for you.” Brianna paused. “Dad saw me leave.”
“Really?”
“When I was in the cab, I looked back and saw him standing there. He was crying.” Brianna dabbed at her wet cheeks with the tissue Jaclyn handed her. “I wrote him later that when I did get married I’d make sure he walked me down the aisle, but that didn’t happen. After Craig proposed, he insisted we marry quickly. He was sick and he wanted me to be able to stay at his house and care for Cory without any improprieties. I was afraid my mother would talk me out of it if she knew, so I married Craig with nobody there. But Craig betrayed me, too.”
“How?” Jaclyn asked, her beautiful face sad.
“Craig died three months after we married. That’s when I learned he’d known all along that he had a terminal illness.” Brianna stared through the windshield remembering the gut-wrenching dismay when she learned the truth. “He knew he didn’t have long to live, but he never told me. He pretended he was getting better. Maybe he thought I would have left if I’d known.”
Jaclyn’s hand covered hers and squeezed.
“I wouldn’t have left,” Brianna whispered. “Craig was wonderful to me in those horrible weeks after I left Hope for Chicago. He took time to help me find a place to live, helped me find a job. Cory was Craig’s pride and joy but neither he nor his first wife, Cory’s mother, had family. He had no one to help him. He adored that boy but I saw how hard it became for him to care for him. I wanted to help because I loved Cory, too.”
“But you didn’t love Craig?”
“No.” Brianna smiled, sadness filling her heart. “I wish I could have. He was a wonderful man. But there was never love between us. We were just good friends who married a few months after we met to give Cory a home. At least I thought that’s what we were. But when I learned the truth, that he knew—” Brianna bit her lip. “I might not have been so decimated if Craig had prepared me. But he never said a word and suddenly at twenty-three I was a widow and a mother, responsible for this little boy, no clue how I was going to do it and all alone. I was at my lowest when I phoned you for help.”
“I’m glad you finally did. That’s what friends are for.” She wrapped her arms around Brianna and help on tight. “I wish I could have come.”
“I know. But you sent your mother instead, and she was wonderful to me. I’ll never be able to thank her or you enough.” Brianna clung a moment longer then drew back. “Anyway, all of this was to say my dad razzed me about going to see Mom tonight.”
“You should go,” Jaclyn insisted.
“I can’t go to the nursing home again,” Brianna admitted. “Not for a while.”
“Why not?”
“Today she said I made her ashamed.” The lump in Brianna’s stomach hardened. “It hurt so much. I don’t want to live with that pain again, Jaclyn. I’m done with trying to be the obedient daughter I’m supposed to be. It didn’t work for her and it doesn’t work for me.” Briefly Brianna explained what she’d learned about her grandfather.
“I understand.” Jaclyn reached out and started the car. She shifted into gear before facing Brianna. “But you can’t go on hating her, either. You’ve got to find a way past it. And you’ve got to do the same with Zac. Didn’t you say he wanted you to work with him?”
“He’s got this idea that I can help him shake up the school.”
“About time that school had a good shake-up,” Jaclyn said, steering into the restaurant parking lot. “Couldn’t hurt your career to be at the forefront of change, either, could it?”
“No,” Brianna mumbled.
“Then?” Jaclyn lifted an eyebrow. “What’s the problem?”
“The truth?” Brianna climbed out of the car.
“Always.”
“I don’t know if I can work with Zac.” That admission wasn’t easy.
“You probably can’t,” Jaclyn agreed, walking with her to the front door. “Until you let go of your resentment of him. You were young. You both made mistakes because you didn’t trust each other. It will take some heavenly healing and help for you to start again, Bri.” She rolled her eyes. “Listen to me—the pediatrician advising the child psychologist.”
“No, the best friend advising her dim-witted school buddy. Thanks, pal.” She stopped Jaclyn before they went inside and hugged her. “Did I tell you I’m so happy you and Kent are having a baby?”
“Me, too. But I want you to be happy, too, Brianna. And you aren’t going to be until you make peace with the past. So think about it. Okay?” She waited for her friend’s nod. “And I’ll pray for you to find a way to mend things with your mom. And Zac.” Then Jaclyn tugged her inside the café where they chose their favorite Mexican food.
Brianna enjoyed the meal. But her thoughts kept straying to Zac.
Would the past interfere with working together?
When Jaclyn dropped her off at Zac’s office, she went inside only after whispering a prayer for the right words, and after reminding herself that she was doing this for Cory, not Zac.
Chapter Five
Later that night Zac rapped on Brianna’s front door, excitement zinging through him. She opened the door, her hair tousled, her feet bare, her face weary.
“We got it,” he said simply. “Your World is a go.”
Her smile dawned slowly, starting in her eyes, which glowed green in the cast of the house light. The grin moved to light up her entire face, transforming her weariness into beauty.
“Come in, Zac.” She waved him to a chair, then flopped down on the sofa across from him and tucked her long legs under her. Her eyes sparkled. “So? Tell me what happened after I left.”
“Lots of good discussion.” Zac glanced around, remembering how the expensive knickknacks in this living room had always seemed to get in the way of his gangly teenage elbows and feet. Most of them were gone now rendering the room less glamorous but immensely more homey.
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Lois Richer
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: SMALL-TOWN REUNION Helping children in her hometown is a dream fulfilled for single mother Brianna Benson. But being back in Hope, New Mexico, isn’t easy for the medical clinic’s new child psychologist. Ten years ago, the night before her wedding, Brianna discovered that her fiancé, Zac Enders, betrayed her—and she left town in tears.Now a school administrator, Zac is asking for her help with kids at risk. Such as her own troubled son. But how can she work with the man who broke her heart? As Christmas approaches, the gift of reunited love is waiting to be unwrapped. Healing Hearts: Love is always the best medicine