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His Best Friend's Baby
Susan Carlisle


Pregnant on his doorstep!Ex-army medic Ryan Matthews loves his work as a midwife—bringing life into the world helps him forget losing his best friend in Iraq. But when Ryan finds his friend’s pregnant wife on his doorstep his whole world is turned upside-down…For Ryan, opening his door to Phoebe is one thing—but opening his heart is a whole different matter. Until one scorching, unforgettable kiss unleashes emotions he locked away long ago…and Ryan finds himself fighting against a love he's never dared to believe exists!Midwives On-CallMidwives, mothers and babies—lives changing for ever…!










SUSAN CARLISLE’s love affair with books began when she made a bad grade in maths in the sixth grade. Not allowed to watch TV until she’d brought the grade up, she filled her time with books and became a voracious romance reader. She still has ‘keepers’ on the shelf to prove it. Because she loved the genre so much she decided to try her hand at creating her own romantic worlds. She still loves a good happily-ever-after story.

When not writing Susan doubles as a high school substitute teacher, which she has been doing for sixteen years. Susan lives in Georgia with her husband of twenty-eight years and has four grown children. She loves castles, travelling, cross-stitching, hats, James Bond and hearing from her readers.




His Best Friend’s Baby

Susan Carlisle







www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)




Dear Reader (#ulink_650b086a-eb41-55e6-9555-46c27c2f8013),


A number of years ago my mother and I visited Australia. It was a beautiful and amazing country and I fell in love with it. I often speak of my visit to this day. When I was asked to join a group of world-class authors in writing the Midwives On-Call continuity, which was to be set in Australia, I jumped at the chance.

Ryan and Phoebe’s story is set in Melbourne—one of the many places I had the pleasure of visiting. While in the area, my mother and I drove to the coast. On our way we visited a farm with a café much as Ryan and Phoebe do. We also went to see the Little Penguins come home. It’s one of the most memorable things I’ve ever done. Like my characters, I had a lesson on what even the smallest of animals will do to take care of their young.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank Fiona Lowe, one of my sister authors, who helped me—along with making me laugh—to work out the differences between the way Aussies and Americans speak. She was also wonderful in answering my questions about the area around Melbourne.

I hope you enjoy reading Ryan and Phoebe’s love story. I like to hear from my readers. You can reach me at SusanCarlisle.com (http://SusanCarlisle.com)

Susan


Joseph.

Thanks for being a great tool.




Table of Contents


Cover (#u290db4ac-b9d2-54e0-880f-47f6a37c04aa)

About the Author (#u1b123e13-e919-5511-b47e-887ac5dbfd8c)

Title Page (#u7e14a4dd-73a4-5f80-a61e-8eb041eb7b82)

Dear Reader (#ulink_b02af280-e040-53e6-a270-24c3f4c786e4)

Dedication (#u671975cf-9a2f-56ab-aa04-b53d5c157b27)

CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_1d14d72a-dd1f-5fba-94b2-a2c1c35e5014)

CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_ac3ef52a-b2c4-5ec0-8047-c714ae1ba5d9)

CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_0fc01a24-f87a-5096-b42d-8616bf7101fe)

CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)

CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)

Endpage (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)




CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_a02284ef-988c-5ed0-933f-ddd11da24487)


WHAT AM I doing here? Phoebe Taylor asked herself for the hundredth time, pulling her light coat closer. She could no longer get it to meet in the middle. Bowing her head against a gust of Melbourne, Australia, wind, she walked on. It would rain soon.

She looked at the name on the street sign. Morris Lane. This was the correct place. Phoebe didn’t even have to check the paper in her hand that was shoved into her pocket. She had it memorized. She’d read it often during the past few weeks.

When had she turned into such a pathetic and needy person?

It had happened slowly, over the last eight months as her middle had expanded. She’d always heard that a baby changed you. She’d had no idea how true those words were until it had happened to her. She was even more fearful of the changes she faced in the weeks ahead. The fact she’d be handling them all on her own, had no one to rely on, frightened her.

She started down the cobblestone street lined with town houses. Joshua had written that if she needed anything she could contact Ryan Matthews. But who was she to him? An old army buddy’s wife. People said those types of things all the time but few meant them. But she had no one else to turn to. There were teachers she worked with, but they all had their own lives, husbands and children. They didn’t have time to hold her hand. There were plenty of acquaintances but none that she would call on. She’d take this chance because Joshua had said to. And this was Joshua’s baby.

But would this guy Ryan help her? Be there for her during the delivery afterwards? Take Joshua’s place at the birthing suite? Yeah, right. She didn’t see any man agreeing to that job. Who took on someone else’s widow and unborn child? She could never ask that of him. Would she want to? She didn’t know this man outside of Joshua saying he was an upstanding mate.

When the walls of reality had started closing in on her and panic had arrived, she’d been unable to think of where to turn. Joshua’s letter had called to her. Seemed to offer her salvation. Phoebe inhaled and released a breath. She’d come this far. She wouldn’t turn back now. What was the worst Ryan Matthews could do? Send her away? Act like he’d never heard of her?

What she was sure of was she didn’t want to feel alone anymore. She wanted someone to lean on. Be near a person who had a connection to Joshua. Hear a story or two that she could tell her son or daughter about their father. Joshua and Ryan had been brothers in arms. Been there for each other. Joshua had assured her in his last letter seven months ago that if she needed anything, anything, Ryan was the person to find. Desperate, she was going to his house to see if that was true.

Phoebe located the house number. It was painted above the door in black against the white frame of the Victorian house. The car traveling down the street drew her attention for a second. She pulled the paper out and looked at the address again, then at the entrance once more. Studying the steps to the door, she hesitated. Now she was stalling.

What was she going to say to this guy?

She’d been rehearsing her speech for days and still didn’t know if she could get it out. On the tram coming across town she’d practiced again but couldn’t seem to get it right. Everything she’d planned made her sound crazy. Maybe she was. But she had to say something, give some explanation as to why she’d turned up on his doorstep.

Hi, I’m Phoebe Taylor. You were a friend of my husband’s. He said if I ever needed anything to come see you. So here I am.

That should get his attention. She placed a hand on her protruding middle and chuckled dryly. His first thought will probably be I’m here to accuse him of being the father.

The wind gusted again as she mounted the steps. There were no potted plants lining them, like most of the other houses. Holding the handrail, she all but pulled her way up to the stoop. Could she get any bigger? Her midwife Sophia had assured her she could, and would.

After catching her breath, Phoebe knocked on the door. She waited. Thankfully, the small alcove afforded her some shelter from the wind.

When there was no answer, she rapped again. Seconds went by and still no one came. She refused to go back home without speaking to Ryan. It had taken her months to muster the courage to come in the first place. It was getting late, surely he’d be home soon.

To the right side of the door was a small wooden bench. She’d just wait for a while to see if he showed up. Bracing a hand against the wall, she eased herself down. She chuckled humorously at the picture she must make. Like a beach ball sitting on top of a flowerpot.

She needed to rest anyway. Everything fatigued her these days. Trying to keep up with twenty grade fivers wore her out but she loved her job. At least her students kept her mind off the fact that she was having a baby soon. Alone.

Phoebe never made a habit of feeling sorry for herself, had prided herself on being strong, facing life head-on. She’d always managed to sound encouraging and supportive when Joshua had prepared to leave on tour again and again. When they’d married, she’d been aware of what she was getting into. So why was the idea of having this baby alone making her come emotionally undone?

Pulling her coat tighter and leaning her head into the corner of the veranda, she closed her eyes. She’d just rest a few minutes.

It was just after dark when Ryan Matthews pulled his sporty compact car into his usual parking spot along the street. It had been drizzling during his entire drive from the hospital. Street lamps lit the area. The trees cast shadows along the sidewalk and even across the steps leading to homes.

He’d had a long day that had involved more than one baby delivery and one of those a tough one. Nothing had seemed to go as planned. Not one but two of the babies had been breech. Regardless, the babies had joined the world kicking and screaming. He was grateful. All the other difficulties seemed to disappear the second he heard a healthy cry. He’d take welcoming a life over dealing with death any day.

Stepping out of the car, he reached behind the driver’s seat and grabbed his duffel bag stuffed with his street clothes. Too exhausted to change, he still wore his hospital uniform. As much as he loved his job, thirty-six hours straight was plenty. He was looking forward to a hot shower, bed and the next day off. It would be his first chance in over two weeks to spend time in his workshop. A half-finished chair, along with a table he’d promised to repair for a friend, waited. He wanted to think of nothing and just enjoy the process of creating something with his hands.

Duffel in hand, a wad of dirty uniforms under his arm, he climbed the steps. The light remained on over his door as he’d left it. Halfway up the steps he halted. There was an obviously pregnant woman asleep on his porch. He saw pregnant women regularly in his job as a midwife at Melbourne Victoria Hospital’s maternity unit. Today more than he’d wanted to. As if he didn’t have a full load at the hospital, they were now showing up on his doorstep.

By the blue tint of the woman’s lips and the way she was huddled into a ball, she’d been there for some time. Why was she out in the cold? She should be taking better care of herself, especially at this stage in her pregnancy. Her arms rested on her protruding middle. She wore a fashionable knit cap that covered the top of her head. Strawberry-blond hair twisted around her face and across her shoulders. With the rain and the temperature dropping, she must be uncomfortable.

Taking a resigned breath, Ryan moved farther up the steps. As he reached the top the mysterious woman roused and her eyes popped open. They were large and a dark sable brown with flecks of gold. He’d never seen more mesmerizing or sad ones in his life.

His first instinct was to protect her. He faltered. That wasn’t a feeling he experienced often. He made it his practice not to become involved with anyone. Not to care too deeply. He tamped the feeling down. Being tired was all there was to it. “Can I help you?”

The woman slowly straightened. She tugged the not-heavy-enough-for-the-weather coat closer as she stared at him.

When she didn’t answer right away he asked in a weary voice, “Do you need help?”

“Are you Ryan Matthews?” Her soft Aussie accent carried in the evening air.

His eyes widened and he stepped back half a pace, stopping before tumbling. Did he know her? She was such a tiny thing she couldn’t be more than a girl. Something about her looked familiar. Could he have seen her in the waiting room sometime?

Ryan glanced at her middle again. He’d always made it a practice to use birth control. Plus, this female was far too young for him. She must be seeking medical help.

“Yes.”

“I’m Phoebe Taylor.”

Was that supposed to mean something to him? He squinted, studying her face in the dim light. “Have we met before?”

“I should go.” She reached out to touch the wall as if she planned to use it as support in order to stand. When she did, a slip of paper fluttered to the stoop.

Ryan picked it up. In blue pen was written his name, address and phone number. Had she been given it at the clinic?

He glared at her. “Where did you get this?”

“I think I had better go.” She made a movement toward the steps. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I’ll go.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“I don’t know for sure what I wanted. I need to go.” Her words came out high-pitched and shaky.

He put out a hand as if she were a skittish animal he was trying to reassure. “Think of the baby.” That must be what this was all about.

Her eyes widened, taking on a hysterical look. She jerked away from him. “I’ve done nothing but think of this baby. I have to go. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come.” She sniffled. “I don’t know …” another louder sniffle “… what I was thinking. You don’t know me.” Her head went into her hands and she started to cry in earnest. “I’ll go. This is …” she sucked in air “… too embarrassing. You must think I’m mad.”

He began to think she was. Who acted this way?

She struggled to stand. Ryan took her elbow and helped her.

“I’ve never done anything … like this before. I need to go.”

Ryan could only make out a few of her garbled words through her weeping. He glanced around. If she continued to carry on like this his neighbors would be calling the law.

She shivered. What had she said her name was? Phoebe?

“You need to calm down. Being so upset isn’t good for the baby. It’s getting cold out and dark. Come in. Let your jacket dry.” He needed to get her off the street so he could figure out what this was all about. This wasn’t what he had planned for his evening.

“No, I’ve already embarrassed myself enough. I think I’d better go.”

Thankfully the crying had stopped but it had left her eyes large and luminous.

She looked up at him with those eyes laced with something close to pain, and said in a low voice, “You knew my husband.”

“Your husband?”

“Joshua Taylor.”

Ryan cringed. Air quit moving to his lungs. JT was part of his past. The piece of his life he had put behind him. Ryan hadn’t heard JT’s name in seven months. Not since he’d had word that he had been killed when his convoy had been bombed.

Why was his wife here? Ryan didn’t want to think of the war, or JT. He’d moved on.

They had been buddies while they’d been in Iraq. Ryan had been devastated when he’d heard JT had been killed. He’d been one more in a long list of men Ryan had cared about, shared his life with, had considered family. Now that was gone, all gone. He wasn’t going to let himself feel that pain ever again. When he’d left the service he’d promised himself never to let anyone matter that much. He wasn’t dragging those ugly memories up for anyone’s wife, not even JT’s.

Ryan had known there was a wife, had even seen her picture fixed to Joshua’s CHU or containerized housing unit room. That had been over five years ago, before he’d left the service. This was his friend’s widow?

He studied her. Yes, she did bear a resemblance to the young, bright-faced girl in the pictures. Except that spark of life that had fascinated him back then had left her eyes.

“You need to come in and get warm, then I’ll see you get home.” He used his midwife-telling-the-mother-to-push voice.

She made a couple of soft sniffling sounds but said no more.

Ryan unlocked the door. Pushing it back, he offered her space to enter before him. She accepted the invitation. She stopped in the middle of the room as if unsure what to do next. He turned on the light and dropped his bag and dirty clothes in the usual spot on top of all the other dirty clothes lying next to the door.

For the first time, he noted what sparse living conditions he maintained. He had a sofa, a chair, a TV that sat on a wooden crate and was rarely turned on. Not a single picture hung on the walls. He didn’t care about any of that. It wasn’t important. All he was interested in was bringing babies safely into the world and the saws in his workshop.

“Have a seat. I’ll get you some tea,” he said in a gruff voice.

Bracing on the arm of the sofa, she lowered herself to the cushion. She pulled the knit cap from her head and her hair fell around her shoulders.

Ryan watched, stunned by the sight. The urge to touch those glowing tresses caught him by surprise. His fingers tingled to test the texture, to see if it was as soft and silky as it looked.

Her gaze lifted, meeting his. Her cheekbones were high and a touch of pink from the cold made the fairness of her skin more noticeable. Her chin trembled. The sudden fear that she might start crying again went through him. He cleared his throat. “I’ll get you that tea.”

Phoebe watched as the rather stoic American man walked out of the room. Why had he looked at her that way? Where was all that compassion and caring that Joshua had written about in his letter? Ryan obviously wanted her gone as soon as possible. He wasn’t at all what she’d expected. Nothing like Joshua had described him. She shivered, the cold and damp seeping through her jacket. What had she been thinking? This wasn’t the warm and welcoming guy that Joshua had said he would be. He hadn’t even reacted to her mentioning Joshua.

He was tall, extremely tall. He ducked slightly to go through the doorway. Joshua had been five feet eleven. Ryan Matthews was far taller, with shoulders that went with that height.

Though he was an attractive man with high cheekbones and a straight nose, his eyes held a melancholy gaze. As if he’d seen things and had had to do things he never wanted to remember, much less talk about.

A few minutes later Ryan handed her a mug with a teabag string hanging over the side. He hadn’t even bothered to ask her what she wanted to drink. Did he treat everybody he met with such disinterest?

“I’m a coffee drinker myself. An associate left the tea here or I wouldn’t have had it.”

She bet it was a female friend. He struck her as the type of man who had women around him all the time. “You are an American.”

“Yes.”

“Joshua never said that you weren’t Australian.”

He took a seat in the lone chair in the room. “I guess he didn’t notice after a while.”

She looked around. Whatever women he brought here didn’t stay around long. His place showed nothing of the feminine touch. In fact, it was only just a step above unlivable. If she had to guess, there was nothing but a bed and a carton for a table in the bedroom.

Phoebe watched him drink the coffee, the smell of which wafted her way as she took a sip of her tea.

Quiet minutes later he asked, “How long were you on my doorstep?’

“I don’t know. I left home around four.”

“It’s after seven now.” His tone was incredulous. “You’ve been waiting that long?”

“I fell asleep.”

The tension left his face. “That’s pretty easy to do in your condition.”

“I can’t seem to make it without a nap after teaching all day.”

“Teaching?”

“I teach at Fillmore Primary School. Grade Five.”

He seemed as if he was trying to remember something. “That’s right. JT said you were going to school to be a teacher.”

At the mention of Joshua they both looked away.

He spoke more to his coffee cup than to her. “I was sorry to hear about Joshua.”

“Me, too.” He and Joshua were supposed to have been best buddies and that was all he had to say. This guy was so distant he acted as if he’d barely known Joshua. She wouldn’t be getting any help or friendship from him.

He looked at her then as if he was unsure about what he might have heard. “Is there something you need from me?”

Phoebe flinched at his directness. Not anymore. She needed to look elsewhere. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected from him but this wasn’t it. Joshua’s letter had assured her that Ryan Matthews would do anything to help her but this man’s attitude indicated he wasn’t interested in getting involved.

“To tell you the truth, I’m not sure. You were a friend of Joshua’s and I just thought …”

“And what did you think? Do you need money?”

“Mr. Matthews, I don’t need your money. I have a good job and Joshua’s widow and orphans’ pension.”

“Then I can’t imagine what I can do for you, unless you need someone to deliver your baby?”

“Why would I come to you for that?”

“Because I’m a midwife.”

“I thought he said you were a medic.”

“I was in the army but now I work as a midwife. I still don’t understand why you’re here. If you need someone to deliver your baby you need to come to the Prenatal Clinic during office hours.”

“I already have one. Sophia Toulson.”

His brows drew together. “She’s leaving soon. Did she send you here?”

She lowered her head.

Had he heard her say, “I just needed a friend, I guess.” A friend?

He couldn’t believe that statement. What kind of person showed up at a stranger’s house, asking them to be their friend? Surely she had family and friends in town. Why would she come looking for him now? After all this time. She said she didn’t need money so what did she want from him?

“Where’s the father of the baby?”

Phoebe sat straighter and looked him directly in the eyes. “Joshua is the father of the baby.”

“When …?”

“When he was last home on leave. I wrote to him about the baby but he was …” she swallowed hard “… gone by then.” She placed the cup in the crack between the cushions, unable to bend down far enough to put it on the floor. Pushing herself to a standing position, she said, “I think I’d better go.”

He glanced out the window. The rain had picked up and the wind was blowing stronger. He huffed as he unfolded from the chair. “I’ll drive you home.”

“That’s not necessary. I can catch the tram.”

“Yeah, but you’ll get wet getting there and from it to your house. I’ll drive you. Where’s home?”

Despite his tough exterior, she liked his voice. It was slow, deep and rich. Maybe a Texan or Georgian drawl. “I live in Box Hill.”

“That’s out toward Ferntree Gully, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

He sounded resigned to driving her instead of being helpful. This Ryan Matthews didn’t seem to care one way or another. Had Joshua gotten him wrong or had Ryan changed?

“If you insist.”

“I do.” He was already heading toward the door.

“Then thank you.”

This trip to see Ryan had been a mistake on a number of levels. But she had learned one thing. She was definitely alone in the world.

Forty-five minutes later, Ryan pulled onto a tree-lined street with California bungalow-style houses. The lights glowing in the homes screamed warmth, caring and permanency, all the things that he didn’t have in his life, didn’t want or deserve.

Since they’d left his place Phoebe hadn’t tried to make conversation. She’d only spoken when giving him directions. He was no closer than he’d been earlier to knowing what she wanted.

“Next left,” she said in a monotone.

He turned there she indicated.

“Last house on the right. The one with the veranda light on.”

Ryan pulled his car to the curb. He looked at her house. It appeared well cared-for. A rosebush grew abundantly in the front yard. An archway indicated the main door. The only light shining was the one over it.

“Is anyone expecting you?”

“No.”

“You live by yourself?”

“Yes. Did you think I lived with my parents?”

“I just thought since Joshua was gone and you were having a baby, someone would be nearby. Especially as close as you’re obviously getting to the due date.”

“No, there’s no one. My parents were killed in an auto accident the year before I married. My only brother had moved to England two years before that. We were never really close. There is a pretty large age difference between us.” The words were matter-of-fact but she sounded lost.

“Surely someone from Joshua’s family is planning to help out?”

“No.”

“Really? Why not?”

“If you must know, they didn’t want him to marry me. They had someone else picked out. Now that he’s gone, they want nothing more to do with me.”

“That must have been hard to hear.”

“Yeah. It hurt.” Her tone said she still was having a hard time dealing with that knowledge. He couldn’t imagine someone not wanting to have anything to do with their grandchild.

“Not even the baby?”

She placed her hand on her belly. “Not even the baby. They told me it would be too hard to look at him or her and know Joshua wasn’t here.”

“You’ve got to be kidding!” Ryan’s hands tightened on the steering wheel.

“No. That isn’t something that I would kid about.”

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I. But I just think of it as their loss. If that’s the way they feel, then it wouldn’t ever be healthy for the baby to be around them. We’ll be better off without them.”

Ryan looked at the house one more time. By its appearance, the baby would be well cared for and loved. “I’ll see you to the door.”

“That’s not necessary.” She opened the car door.

He climbed out and hurried around the automobile. She’d started to her feet. He held out a hand. After a second she accepted it. His larger one swallowed her smaller one. Hers was soft and smooth, very feminine. So very different from his. A few seconds later she seemed to gather strength. She removed her hand from his and stood taller.

“Come on, I’ll see you to the door.” Even to his own ears it sounded as if he was ready to get rid of her.

“I’ll be fine. You’ve already helped enough by driving me home.” She started up the walk lined with flowers and stopped, then looked back at him. “I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

Ryan waited to see if she would turn around again, but she didn’t. When the light went out on the porch he pulled away from the curb.

Phoebe closed the door behind her with a soft click. Through the small window she saw the lights of Ryan’s car as he drove off.

What had she expected? That he would immediately say, “I’ll take care of you, I’ll be there for you”? She moved through the house without turning any lights on. She knew where every piece of furniture and every lamp was located. With the exception of the few times that Joshua had been home during their marriage, no one had lived with her. Nothing was ever moved unless she did it.

Their marriage had consisted mostly of them living apart. They had met when she was eighteen and fresh out of school. The tall, dark man dressed in a uniform had taken her breath away. Joshua had made it clear what it would be like, being married to a serviceman, and she had been willing to take on that life. She was strong and could deal with it.

It hurt terribly that his parents had said they wouldn’t be around to help her with the baby. He or she needed grandparents in their life. With her parents gone they were the only ones. She’d been devastated when she’d received the letter stating they would not be coming around. They had sent some money. Phoebe had thought about returning it but had decided to start a fund at the bank for the baby instead. Not knowing their grandchild would be their loss.

For her the baby was about having a small part of Joshua still in her life. Her hope was that Joshua’s parents might change their minds. Either way, right now she was on her own. Not a feeling she enjoyed. In a moment of weakness she’d gone to Ryan’s house, but she didn’t plan to let him know how bone deep the hurt was that Joshua’s parents wanted nothing to do with her. How lonely she was for someone who’d known and loved Joshua.

She turned on the lamp beside her bed and glanced at the picture of her and Joshua smiling. They’d been married eight years but had spent maybe a year together in total. That had been a week or two here, or a month there. They had always laughed that their marriage was like being on vacation instead of the day in, day out experience of living together. Even their jobs had been vastly different. Joshua had found his place in the service more than with her. She’d found contentment in teaching. It had given her the normalcy and stability that being married to a husband who popped in and out hadn’t.

Each time Joshua had come home it had been like the first heart-pounding, whirlwind and all-consuming first love that had soon died out and become the regular thud of everyday life. They’d had to relearn each other and getting in the groove had seemed harder to achieve. As they’d grown older they’d both seemed to pull away. She’d had her set life and routine and Joshua had invaded it when he’d returned.

Removing her clothes, she laid them over a chair and pulled her pj’s out of the chest of drawers. She groaned. The large T-shirt reminded her of a tent that she and Joshua had camped in just after they’d married. The shirt was huge and still she almost filled it.

Pulling it over her head, she rubbed her belly. The baby had been a complete surprise. She’d given up on ever having children. She and Joshua had decided not to have them since he hadn’t been home often enough. She wasn’t sure whether or not she’d cared when they’d married or if she’d believed he would leave the army and come home to stay. The idea of having a family had been pushed far into the future. It had become easier just not to consider it. So when she’d come up pregnant it had been a shock.

Her fingers went to her middle, then to her eye, pushing the moisture away. She’d grown up with the dream of having a family one day. Now she was starting a family but with half of it missing.

She pulled the covers back on the bed and climbed in between the cool sheets. Bringing the blanket up around her, she turned on her side, stuffing an extra pillow between the mattress and her tummy. The baby kicked. She laid her hand over the area, feeling the tiny heel that pushed against her side.

The last time Joshua had been home they’d even talked of separating. They’d spent so little time together she’d felt like she hadn’t even known her husband anymore. She not only carried Joshua’s baby but the guilt that he’d died believing she no longer cared. Friendship had been there but not the intense love that she should have had for a husband.




CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_76830f12-856a-59e7-b374-d880419c9596)


THE NEXT MORNING Ryan flipped on the light switch that lit the stairs that led down to his workshop. He’d picked out this town house because of this particular space. Because it was underground it helped block the noise of the saws from the neighbors. The area was also close to the hospital, which made it nice when he had to be there quickly.

Going down the stairs, he scanned the area. A band saw filled one corner, while stationed in the center of the room was a table saw. The area Ryan was most interested in right now was the workbench against the far wall. There lay the half-made chair that he had every intention of finishing today. He would still have to spend another few days staining it.

Picking up a square piece of sandpaper, he began running it up and down one of the curved rockers. He’d made a couple of rockers when the nursery of the hospital had needed new ones. A number of the nurses had been so impressed they’d wanted one of their own. Since then he’d been busy filling orders in his spare time.

Outside the moments when a baby was born and offered its first spirited view of the new world with a shout, being in his shop was the place he was the most happy. Far better than his life in the military.

When he could stand it no longer, he’d resigned his commission. He’d had enough of torn bodies. He ran his hand along the expanse of the wood. It was level but not quite smooth enough. Now he was doing something he loved. But thoughts of Phoebe kept intruding.

He couldn’t believe that had been Joshua’s wife at his home the night before. Ryan had been living in Melbourne for five years. Joshua had always let him know when he was home, but in all that time he’d never met his wife. It had seemed like his friend’s visits had come at the busiest times, and even though the two of them had managed to have a drink together, Ryan had never seen her. Now all of a sudden she had turned up on his doorstep.

Even after he’d gotten her calmed down he hadn’t been sure what she’d wanted. It didn’t matter. Still, he owed Joshua. He should check on her. But first he’d see what Sophia could tell him.

The next morning, at the clinic, Ryan flipped through his schedule for the day. He had a number of patients to see but none had babies due any time soon. Maybe he would get a few days’ reprieve before things got wild again.

“You look deep in thought.”

He recognized Sophia’s voice and looked up. “Not that deep. You’re just the person I wanted to talk to.”

The slim woman took one of the functional office chairs in front of his desk. “What can I do for you?”

“I was just wondering what you know about Phoebe Taylor.”

“Trying to steal my patients now?” Her eyes twinkled as she asked.

Ryan gave her a dubious look.

She grinned. “She’s due in about five weeks. What’s happened?”

“She was waiting for me when I got home yesterday. At first I thought she’d gotten my name and address from you. That you were sending her to me because you would be on your honeymoon when it was time to deliver.”

Sophia shook her dark-haired head. “Oh, no, it wasn’t me. But I remember she mentioned you at one of her appointments and said she had your address.”

“I thought maybe she was looking for a midwife. She later told me she was the wife of an army buddy of mine.”

“Yes, she told me that you were good friends with her husband. Did she seem okay?”

“Not really. It was all rather confusing and she was quite emotional. I let her get warm, gave her something to drink and took her home.”

“She’s usually steady as a rock. I’ll find out what’s going on at her next appointment.”

“Thanks, Sophia. I owe her husband.”

“I understand. You are coming to my wedding, aren’t you?”

Sophia was marrying Aiden Harrison in a few weeks and she wanted everyone there for the event. Ryan wasn’t into weddings. He’d never been so close to someone he’d felt like marrying them. After his years in the military he was well aware of how short life could be. Too young to really understand that kind of love when he’d entered the army, he’d soon realized he didn’t want to put someone through what Phoebe Taylor had been experiencing.

He didn’t understand that type of love. Knew how fleeting it could be. His parents sure hadn’t known how to show love. His foster-parents had been poor examples of that also. They had taken care of his physical needs but he’d always been aware that they hadn’t really cared about him. The army had given him purpose that had filled that void, for a while. That had lasted for years until the hundreds of faces of death had become heavier with every day. He well understood that losses lasted a lifetime. Even delivering babies and seeing the happiness on families’ faces didn’t change that. Those men he’d served with were gone. Yet, like JT, they were always with him.

He smiled at Sophia. “I plan to be there. I’ll even dust off my suit for the occasion.”

“That’s great. See you later.”

Ryan had seen his last patient for the day and was headed out the glass doors of the Prenatal Clinic in the hospital. A woman was coming in. He stopped to hold the door for her, then glanced up. It was Phoebe Taylor.

“Ah, hey.”

“Hello.” Her gaze flicked up at him and then away.

Phoebe must have been coming here for months. How many times had he passed her without having any idea who she was? She looked far less disheveled than she had two days ago. Her hair lay along her shoulders. Dressed in a brown, tan and blue dotted top over brown slacks and low-heeled shoes, she looked professional, classy and fragile.

“Are you looking for me?” Ryan asked.

“I’m here for my appointment with Sophia.”

Another mother-to-be came up behind Phoebe. She moved back and out of the way, allowing the woman to go past her. Ryan held the door wide, moving out into the hall. He said to Phoebe, “May I speak to you for a minute?”

A terrified look flicked in her eyes before she gave him a resigned nod. He had the impression that if she could forget they had already met, she’d gladly do so.

Before he could say anything she started, “About the other evening. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put you on the spot. I had no right to do that.”

Here she was the one apologizing and he was the one who should be. “Not a problem. I should have visited you after Joshua died.”

Her look was earnest. “That’s all right. I understand. Well, I have to get to my appointment.”

Apparently whatever she’d needed had been resolved.

“It was nice to meet you, Phoebe.”

“You, too.” She walked by him, opened the door and went through it. With a soft swish it closed behind her.

Why did he feel as if he needed to say or do more?

Ryan made it as far as his car before curiosity and a nagging guilt caused him to return to the clinic. He waited until Phoebe was finished with her appointment. Phoebe might not agree to him taking her to dinner, but he was going to try. He needed to know why she’d come to see him and even more if there was some way he could help her.

Now that she had contacted him he felt like he owed Joshua that.

On the way to his office he passed a nurse and asked that she let him know when Mrs. Taylor was finished.

Thirty minutes later the nurse popped her head in the door and said Phoebe was on her way out.

Ryan hurried to the waiting room and spotted her as she reached the door. When he called her name she stopped and turned. Her eyes widened in astonishment, then filled with wariness.

“I thought you had left.” Phoebe sounded as if she had hoped not to see him again. After his behavior the other night he shouldn’t be surprised.

“I came back. I wanted to ask you something.”

She raised her brows.

Phoebe wasn’t opening the door wide for him. She wouldn’t be making this easy.

Thankfully this late in the day the waiting room was empty. “I wondered if I could buy you dinner?”

Phoebe turned her head slightly, as if both studying and judging him. He must have really put her off the other evening. He prided himself on his rapport with people, especially pregnant women and their families. He had let this one down. The guilt he’d felt doubled in size.

“Please. I’d like to make up for how I acted the other night.”

“You don’t owe me any apologies. I’m the one who showed up on your doorstep unannounced.”

“Why don’t we both stop taking blame and agree to start again?”

Her eyes became less unsure. “I guess we could do that.”

“Then why don’t we start by having a burger together?”

“Okay.” She agreed with less enthusiasm than he would have liked.

“I know a place just down the street that serves good food. Andrew’s Burgers.”

“I’ve heard of it but never been there.”

“Great. Do you mind walking?”

“No, I haven’t had my exercise today.”

Ryan looked at her. If it hadn’t been for the baby, she would have been a slim woman. With her coloring she was an eye-catcher, pregnant or not. Her soft, lilting voice was what really caught his attention.

“If you’ll wait I’d like to lock up my office.”

She nodded. When he returned she was sitting in one of the reclining chairs in the waiting room with her hands resting on the baby.

“I’m ready.”

Phoebe looked at him. She pushed against the chair arm to support herself as she stood. “I think this baby is going to be a giant.”

“Every mother-to-be that I see thinks that about this time.”

As they made their way down the hall to the elevators, Ryan asked, “So how’re you and the baby doing?”

A soft smile came to her lips. “Sophia says we’re both doing great. I’ll have to start coming to clinic every week soon. I just hate that I’m losing her as my midwife. I’ve become very attached.”

“You are getting close.”

“I am.”

There was depression in her tone that he didn’t understand. He knew little about her, but she struck him as someone who would be ecstatic about holding a new life in her hands and caring for someone. Yet he sensed a need in her that he couldn’t put a finger on.

They went down the six floors to the lobby of the art deco building and out into the sunlight. The restaurant was a few blocks from the hospital.

“Let’s cross the street. I know a shortcut through the park.”

She followed him without question. A few minutes later they exited the park and were once again walking along the sidewalk. A couple of times they had to work themselves around other people walking briskly in the opposite direction. Ryan matched his stride to her shorter one and ran interference when someone looked as if they might bump into her.

“I can walk without help, you know.”

He glanced at her. She was small but she gave off an air of confidence. It was in complete contrast to her actions that night at his house. Something was going on with her. “I know, but I wouldn’t want you to accidentally fall and Sophia would have my head for it.”

“I think they gave up chopping off heads in Australia a long time ago,” she said in a dry tone.

“Still, I’m kind of scared of Sophia. I don’t know if I could face her if I let you get hurt.”

That got a smile out of her. “Here we are,” Ryan said as he pulled the glass door of the restaurant open and allowed Phoebe to enter ahead of him.

She wasn’t sure sharing a meal with Ryan was such a good idea. He’d asked nicely enough and she hadn’t eaten out in so long she hadn’t had the heart to say no. She suspected either his curiosity or some kind of obligation he felt toward Joshua had made him ask. No way had he changed overnight into being the emotional support she’d naively hoped he might be. A nice meal shared with someone was all she expected to get out of the next hour.

When Ryan was asked if they wanted a booth or table he glanced at her middle and grinned. He had a wide smile and nice even teeth. “I guess we’d better go for a table.”

They were directed to one. The restaurant was decorated in a 1950s diner style, all chrome, red-covered chairs and white tile on the floor. Lighting hung over each booth and table. It was still early for the dinner crowd so it wasn’t noisy. Phoebe wasn’t sure if she considered that good or bad.

She took a seat. Ryan sat in the chair across the table from her.

“So I need to order a hamburger, I’m thinking.” Phoebe took the menu out of the metal rack on the table.

“They have good ones. But there are also other things just as good.”

The waitress arrived and took their drink order. Phoebe opened a menu but Ryan didn’t. When the waitress returned with their glasses, she asked what they would like to order. Phoebe decided on the burger without onions and Ryan ordered his with everything.

The waitress left and Ryan asked, “No onions?”

“They don’t agree with me.”

“That’s typical. I know a mother who said she couldn’t cook bacon the entire first three months of her pregnancy.”

“Smells used to bother me but that has become better.”

Ryan crossed his arms and leaned on the table. “So do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”

“I don’t know.”

“Really?”

Phoebe almost laughed at his look of shock. “Don’t want to know. I like surprises.”

“That’s pretty amazing in this day and age where everyone is wanting to know the sex and you don’t. I wouldn’t want to know, either. One of my favorite moments during a delivery is the look on the parents’ faces when they discover the sex.”

Phoebe got the impression that she’d gone up a notch in his estimation.

“You know, I don’t know any other male midwife.”

“There are only a few of us around. More in Australia than in the US.”

“So why did you become one?”

“I wanted to do something that made me smile.” He picked up his drink. “I was tired of watching people’s lives being destroyed or lost when I was in the service. I wanted to do something that involved medicine but had a happy ending. What’s better than bringing a life into the world?”

He was right. What was better than that?

The waitress brought their meals. They didn’t speak for a while.

It fascinated Phoebe that they were virtual strangers but seem to be content sharing a meal together. This evening stood in sharp contrast to when they had met. Being around this Ryan put her at ease for some reason. After their first meeting she would have sworn that couldn’t be possible.

She ate half her burger and chips before pushing them aside.

“You’re eating for two, you know,” Ryan said with a raised brow.

“The problem is that when this baby comes I don’t want to look like I ate for three.” She wiped her mouth with her napkin and placed it on the table.

“How’s your weight gain?”

Phoebe leaned back in her chair. “That’s certainly a personal question.”

“I’m a midwife. I ask that question all the time.”

“Yes, but you aren’t my midwife.”

He pushed his empty plate away. “I’ll concede that. But I’m only asking out of concern.”

“If it’ll make you feel better my weight is just fine. I’m within the guidelines.”

“Good. You look like you’re taking care of yourself.”

“I try to eat right and get some exercise every day.” She looked pointedly at her plate. “Not that this burger was on the healthy chart.”

He shrugged. “No, it probably isn’t, but every once in a while it’s okay.”

They lapsed into silence again as the waitress refilled their glasses and took away their plates.

A few minutes later Phoebe said, “I know this might be tough but I was wondering if you might be willing to tell me some stories about Joshua. Something I could tell the baby. Something about him outside of just what I remember.”

Ryan’s lips tightened and he didn’t meet her gaze.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

After a moment he met her look. “What would you like to know?”

“I guess anything. I feel like you knew him better than me. You spent far more time together than we did. I was wondering how you met?”

Ryan’s gray eyes took on a faraway look. “The Aussie and the US troops didn’t always hit it off, but JT and I did. We didn’t usually work together, but I was asked to go out on patrol with his platoon. Their medic was on leave and the replacement hadn’t made it in yet. My commander agreed. It was supposed to be an easy in and out of a village under our control. All went well until we were headed out, then all hell broke loose. The Iraqis had us pinned down and we couldn’t expect help until the next morning.

“A couple of JT’s men were seriously injured. While we spent long hours hunkered down together we got to know each other pretty well. He told me about you, and I told him about growing up in Texas.

“When I told him that I was tired of having to patch up people that another human had destroyed, he encouraged me to do something different. Even suggested I move to Australia for a new start. He joked that if he ever left the army he’d use his skills to become a police officer.”

Phoebe had never heard Joshua say anything about wanting to do that. He had told Ryan things he either hadn’t wanted to share with her or couldn’t. It made her sad and angry at the same time. She and Joshua had just not been as close as a married couple should have been.

“After that kind of night you know each other pretty well. We started getting together for drinks whenever we had leave at the same time.” His eyes didn’t meet hers. “JT found out that I didn’t get much mail so he shared his letters with me.”

For seconds Phoebe panicked, trying to remember what she had said in her letters. Misery overtook the panic. During the last few years of their marriage her letters had been less about them personally and more about what was happening with her students, how Melbourne was changing, what she was doing at the house. It had been as if she’d been writing to a friend instead of her husband.

“I always looked forward to your letters. They were full of news and I liked to hear about your class. The letters your students wrote were the best. There was something about them that helped make all the ugliness disappear for a while.”

“I’m glad they helped. My students liked writing them. Thank you for telling me about Joshua. I guess I just wanted to talk about him. This is his baby and he isn’t around. Just hearing about him makes him seem a little closer. But it’s time for me to go.” She needed to think about what Ryan had told her. The fact that someone had known her husband better than she had made her feel heartsick.

Ryan stood and Phoebe did also. She led the way to the door. Outside Ryan turned in the direction of the hospital.

“I need to go this way to catch the tram. Thanks for dinner.” She turned toward the left.

“I’ll give you a ride home,” Ryan said.

“I don’t want you to drive all the way out to my house.”

“I don’t mind and you don’t need to be so late getting home. Don’t you own a car?”

“No, I can take the tram to almost anything I need.”

“But you’re making two-hour round trips to see Sophia. In America we can’t live without a car. There isn’t public transportation everywhere.”

“Yes, but that’s only once a month and it’s worth it to have Sophia as my midwife. I wish she was going to be there for the delivery.”

“I realize that I live in Australia, but I can’t get used to prenatal care being called antenatal. It took me forever to tell the mothers I saw that they needed to come to the antenatal clinic. I just think prenatal.”

“The ideas and ways we grow up with are hard to change.”

“Yes, once an idea gets fixed in my head it’s hard to make me budge. And with that thought, not to make you feel bad, but you look like you could use some rest. I’m driving you home.”

“I am tired and I know now that you won’t change your mind. I’m going to accept the ride.”

“Good.”

Ryan escorted Phoebe back to the hospital and to his car. The sidewalk wasn’t near as busy as it had been earlier. It had been a long time since he’d done something as simple as stroll through a park with a woman. He couldn’t remember ever doing so with one who was expecting. People smiled and greeted Phoebe. She returned them. A number of times they turned to him and offered their congratulations. The first time he began to explain but soon realized it was a waste of time. Instead, he nodded noncommittally.

“I’m sorry,” Phoebe said after the first incident.

“Not your fault. You can’t help what they think.”

He had hardly pulled out of the parking area before Phoebe had closed her eyes. She was tired.

Ryan got a number of reactions when he told someone he was a midwife. He’d gotten used to it. But the one thing he couldn’t get used to was not being able to understand all the nuances of the female body when a baby was growing inside it. The sudden ability to go to sleep anywhere and in any position was one of those. It must be like being in the army. He had learned to sleep anywhere at any time.

Phoebe blinked with the small jolt of the car stopping. She’d fallen asleep again. It was getting embarrassing.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go to sleep.”

“Not a problem. You’re not the first woman I’ve put to sleep.”

Phoebe gave him a questioning look. She bet she wasn’t. What had her thinking of Ryan in that suggestive way?

“I’m the one sorry this time. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Like what?” She gave him her best innocent look.

“You know, like …”

Phoebe enjoyed his flustered expression and the pinkness that began to work its way up his neck.

She rested her hands on each side of her belly. “I’m well aware of the facts of life and how a man can satisfy a woman.”

He grinned. “You’re laughing at me now.”

Phoebe chuckled. “I guess I am.” She opened her car door. “Thanks for the burger and the ride. Also thanks for telling me about Joshua. You have no idea how much it means to me.”

“Hey, wait a minute.”

Before she could get completely out of the car Ryan had come round and was standing on the path, reaching to help her. His hand went to her elbow and he supported her as she stood. He pushed the door closed behind her and it made a thud.

“Listen, if there’s anything that I can do for you …”

He sounded sincere. “I appreciate it … Uh, there is one thing I could use some help with.”

“What’s that?”

His voice held an eager tone as if he was looking for a chance to atone for his earlier behavior. She hated to ask him but couldn’t think of another way to get it done before the baby came. “I had a bed for the baby delivered but it needs to be put together. I would pay you.”

Ryan looked as if she had slapped him. “You will not. How about I come by Saturday afternoon? If I have to work I’ll call and let you know, otherwise I’ll be here on Saturday.”

“Thank you, that would be wonderful.” And she meant it. She’d spent more than one night worrying over how she was going to get that baby bed assembled.

“Not a problem. Do you have tools or do I need to bring mine?”

“You might want to bring yours. I have a few but only necessities like a hammer and screwdriver.”

“Then it’s a plan. Why don’t you give me your number?” Ryan took out his cellphone and punched in the numbers she told him.

“I’ll be here after lunch on Saturday, unless you hear differently from me.”

“Thank you.”

“No worries. Furniture I can do.”

Something about Ryan made her believe that he had many talents if he was just willing to show them.

“Come on. I’ll walk you to your door.”

Phoebe didn’t argue this time.

“See you Saturday.” With that he turned and left her to enter her home.

She was putting her key in the lock when she noticed the curtain of her neighbor’s house flutter. Mrs. Rosenheim had been watching. She would no doubt be over the next afternoon to get all the particulars about who Ryan was and how Phoebe knew him.

Ryan was as good as his word. He was there on Saturday just after lunchtime with a tool bag in his hand. Mrs. Rosenheim was sitting at Phoebe’s kitchen table when the knock came at the door.

“I won’t stay but I am going to check this boy out before I go.”

Phoebe would have argued but it wouldn’t have done her any good. Despite the fact that Mrs. Rosenheim was probably older than Phoebe’s grandmother would be, she was a commanding presence and was only concerned for Phoebe’s welfare. They had started taking care of each other two years ago when Phoebe had moved in.

Joshua had only been home once since she’d been living there. He’d not been impressed with Mrs. Rosenheim, calling her the “old busybody bird.” Phoebe had learned to appreciate her concern. If nothing else, she knew someone would miss her if she didn’t come home.

She opened the door for Ryan. “Come in.”

“How’re you doing?”

The question sounded like he was making pleasant conversation, but he was also looking at her with a trained eye. He smelled of sawdust with a hint of citrus. It made her want to step closer. Take a deeper breath.

“I’m feeling fine.” She smiled and he nodded.

“Good. I told Sophia that I would check.”

Mrs. Rosenheim shuffled into the room.

Ryan looked from her to Phoebe. “Ryan, this is my neighbor, Mrs. Rosenheim.”

He sat his tool bag on the floor at his feet and extended a hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“You’re American.”

“Yes, ma’am. Texan.”

Mrs. Rosenheim made a noncommittal sound low in her throat. Ryan gave Phoebe a questioning look. She shrugged her shoulders.

“So you knew Mr. Taylor.”

A guarded look came over Ryan’s face. “Yes, JT and I served in Iraq together.”

“Bad thing, leaving Phoebe here all by herself all the time. A man should want to be at home with his wife. She needs someone to watch over her. Help her.”

Phoebe didn’t miss the color wash out of Ryan’s face.

“It was his job. The army,” Phoebe said quietly.

“I know, sweetie. But a woman not only wants a man to help put a roof over her head but to be around when the times are hard.” She directed the last few words at Ryan.

“Uh, Mrs. Rosenheim, I think we need to let Ryan get started on the bed. I’m sure he has other places he needs to go today.” Phoebe shook her head at him when she started to say something.

“I’m next door if you need me.” Mrs. Rosenheim made her way out with a last glance at Ryan.

“Formidable lady,” Ryan said with a grin.

“Yes. She and Joshua didn’t like each other on sight, but she’s been good to me. She was with the men who came from the military department to tell me about Joshua. I don’t know what I would have done without her shoulder to cry on. She’s also the one who realized I was pregnant when I started being sick.”

Phoebe suddenly needed to focus on something else. She shook away the memories. Ryan was the first male to have come into her home in over a year. He seemed to take up the entire space. “Anyway, let me show you where the bed is.”

Ryan followed Phoebe down a hallway that had four doors leading off of it. She stopped at the next to last one and nudged the door open.

Against one wall was a large brown box that Ryan guessed was the baby bed. That didn’t surprise him. What did were the piles of books stacked around the room and the desk painted in a folk art style with a chair of the same kind sitting in one corner. The walls were painted a dark gray. Two cans of paint sat in another corner. He fully expected to see a room decorated in all the frills and with toys waiting for a baby. He’d listened to enough mothers talk about what they had done in the baby’s room or were going to do to know that Phoebe was far behind in her preparations.

She placed her hand on the box. “This is the bed.”

“Great. I’ll get it put together.”

Walking to the door, she looked back at him. “You didn’t have to agree to this, but I really appreciate you doing it.”

“Not a problem.”

He’d been working for an hour when Phoebe returned to stand in the doorway. His back was to her but he felt her presence.

“I brought you something to drink.” She moved to the desk and placed the drink on it.

Ryan stood from where he’d been tightening a screw on the back of the bed. He picked up the glass, took a long swallow of water and put it back on the desk again.

Phoebe had an odd look on her face that quickly disappeared.

Ryan said, “I guess I’m doing pretty well. I don’t think I’m going to have but two screws and one thingamajig left over.”

She laughed.

Had he ever heard anything more beautiful? It was almost musical. He vowed then to give her a reason to laugh often.

“My father always said that if you didn’t have parts left over then you didn’t put it together correctly.”

“Where did you grow up?”

“In a small town about fifty miles from here.”

“Is that where you met JT?”

“Yeah. We had a military base nearby. I worked at a local restaurant and Joshua and some of his mates came in for dinner one night and sat at my table.”

“And, as they say, the rest was history.”

“Yes, it was. I was wondering if … uh, you might like to stay for dinner? I do most of my cooking on the weekends so that I don’t have to stand up any more than necessary during the week. How do grilled lamb chops with three vegetables sound?”

When had been the last time he’d eaten a home-cooked meal? Ryan couldn’t remember. He grabbed what he did eat from the hospital cafeteria or from a fast-food place. The thought of sitting down to a real meal was more than he could resist. “That sounds great.”

“Good. Then I’ll go finish up.”

She’d already moved to leave when he said, “Phoebe, I couldn’t help but notice that you don’t have this room set up for a baby.”

Making a slow turn, she faced him. “I don’t need you to make me feel ashamed. I bet you think I sank so far into feeling sorry for myself that I didn’t pay attention to getting ready for the baby. I was still in shock over Joshua when I found out I was pregnant. I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything for a while. Anyway, it has been pushed back. Maybe I’ll have time to do something after the baby comes.”

That wasn’t going to happen. Ryan had also heard the new mothers talking about how they never got anything done any more. “I didn’t mean to make you feel ashamed or defensive. I was thinking I could help. I see you have paint. How about letting me do the walls for you? I could also move this desk and chair to where you want it and the books.”

“I hate to have you do all that.”

“I don’t mind. All you’d have to do is tell me where to put everything.”

She rested her hand on her middle. A wistful look came to her eyes. “It would be nice to have the room ready for the baby. I had planned to buy some stuff for the walls.”

“We could do that together.” It was the least he could do for Joshua. This was practical stuff that needed doing. He had a strong back and could take care of them. He couldn’t fix the fact she was having this baby all by herself but he could help with the everyday aspects of adding a new person to her household.

“That sounds like I’m asking too much.”

“You’re not asking. I volunteered. I’d like to do it. If JT were here, he’d be doing it. This will be my way of helping him out, like he did me.”

Her eyes darkened for a second and then she nodded. “Then thanks. I’ll gladly accept your help, but I’m going to warn you that you may wish you hadn’t.”

“How’s that?”

“I have so many ideas for this room you’ll get tired of me telling you what to do.”

“We’ll see. I’ll be through here in about ten minutes, then I’d like to get started on the painting. Do you have any paint supplies?”

“They’re in the shed in the backyard. When you get done, come to the kitchen and I’ll take you out and show you where they are.”

“Will do.”

He watched her leave. Even with the bulk she carried she had a graceful stride. What had possessed him to get this caught up in doing a baby’s room? He made a practice of not getting involved.

Guilt, pure and simple.




CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_5ce9cc6a-48b8-5f8f-8899-fd4cdf6b13bc)


PHOEBE HAD SPENT so much time without a man or his help it made her nervous to have Ryan in her house. While he’d been putting together the bed, she’d been in the kitchen, cooking. Still, she’d been aware of every clatter or thump that had come from the direction of the bedroom. On occasion she’d heard a swear word. She smiled. More than once her father had bloodied his knuckles, putting a toy together for her or her brother.

It was nice to have someone in the house. She’d considered getting a dog or cat a couple of times just so there would be a living, breathing thing around. She’d decided to wait because she didn’t want the poor animal alone in the house all day.

Ryan came around the corner. “All done. Come see what you think.”

She put the plate on the table and headed down the hall, well aware of him following her. He’d pushed the bed up against the wall across from the window. It looked like the perfect place for it. She ran her hand along the railing. “It looks wonderful.”

“Do you have a mattress for it?”

“Yes, it’s in the other bedroom.”

“I’ll get it.”

He soon returned with a mattress covered in protective plastic. Together they worked to remove it. Ryan lifted the bedding and dropped it into place.

“It almost makes it real,” she said with a note of wonder.

“What?”

“A baby coming.”

He chuckled. “I would think that large mound you’re sporting out front would make it seem pretty real.”

“It does but the bed is something tangible.”

“What about a rocker or any other furniture?”

She shrugged. “I’ll have to go buy something. I was hoping I could find some pieces at a garage sale that I could redo. I wanted to paint it bright and add animals and plants, that sort of thing.”

“You mean like the other folk art you have in the living room?”

She looked at him with a brightness that said they were talking about a passion of hers. “You know about folk art?”

“Only what it is. I’m more a straight paint and stain kind of guy. Fancy painting isn’t my thing. So, if you’ll show me where you want these books, I’ll start moving them.”

“They go in my bedroom.”

She went out the doorway and turned toward the end of the hall, then went through an open doorway. Ryan followed more slowly. Why did it bother him that he had just been invited into his buddy’s wife’s bedroom? She hadn’t even thought about what she was saying. When she looked back he was standing in the doorway.

“They go on this bookshelf. If you’ll bring them to me, I can shelve them.”

Ryan returned with an armload of books. She’d taken a seat on the floor in front of the shelving while he’d been gone.

He stacked the books on the floor and she went to work, putting them in place.

Ryan looked down at Phoebe. He saw pregnant women day in and day out, but there was something almost angelic about the way her golden hair covered a portion of her face and her small hands put the books so neatly into their spots.




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