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The Drowning
Camilla Lackberg


Swedish crime sensation and No. 1 international bestseller, Camilla Lackberg’s new psychological thriller - for fans of Stieg Larsson and Jo NesboChristian Thydell’s dream has come true: his debut novel, The Mermaid, is published to rave reviews. So why is he as distant and unhappy as ever?When crime writer Erica Falck discovers that Christian has been receiving anonymous threats, she investigates not just the messages but also the author’s mysterious past…Meanwhile, one of Christian’s closest friends is missing. Erica’s husband, Detective Patrik Hedström, has his worst suspicions confirmed as the mind-games aimed at Christian and those around him become a disturbing reality.But, with the victims themselves concealing evidence, the investigation is going nowhere. Is their silence driven by fear or guilt? And what is the secret they would rather die to protect than live to see revealed?









CAMILLA LACKBERG

The Drowning

Translated from the Swedish by Tiina Nunnally










Copyright


Published by HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)

Published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2012

Copyright © Camilla Lackberg 2008

Published by agreement with Nordin Agency, Sweden

Translation copyright © Tiina Nunnally 2011

First published in Swedish as Sjöjungfrun

Camilla Lackberg asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

FIRST EDITION

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication

Source ISBN: 9780007419517

Ebook Edition © July 2012 ISBN: 9780007419524

Version: 2018-08-13


To Martin


Table of Contents

Title Page (#u049e4024-c712-517a-9777-845a6d1a843d)

Dedication (#ufb189c9b-de3a-5810-87d3-cf588be61bea)

Chapter 1 (#u83f8772f-b79d-5c89-b057-ff2a8d6ff0ee)

Chapter 2 (#u4be80c0c-ffab-520a-9baf-4137eefb10e2)

Chapter 3 (#u32ec4f5f-e426-5600-bf71-0e7292b8856a)

Chapter 4 (#u5a1cfbe3-dfb7-5cee-bc85-5f6c6b937ee4)

Chapter 5 (#u03341266-babf-5472-9edb-576c2bc0d50f)

Chapter 6 (#u06c83428-5d88-544e-81c6-3d2e31a47418)

Chapter 7 (#u2b6d7401-4a20-545d-a7fe-3aeb65501133)

Chapter 8 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 24 (#litres_trial_promo)

Acknowledgements (#litres_trial_promo)

By the same author (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#ude24dfd7-3704-549e-bf94-cffec1a33ae1)

About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)




1


He had known that sooner or later it would come to light again. Something like that was impossible to hide. Every word had led him closer to what was unnameable and appalling. What he had been trying for so many years to repress.

Now escape was no longer an option. He felt the morning air fill his lungs as he walked as fast as he could. His heart was pounding in his chest. He didn’t want to go there, but he had to. So he had chosen to let fate decide. If someone was there, he would have to speak. If nobody was there, he would continue on his way to work, as if nothing had happened.

But the door opened when he knocked. He stepped inside and squinted in the dim light. The person standing in front of him was not the one he had expected to see. It was somebody else.

Her long hair swung rhythmically from side to side as he followed her into the next room. He started talking, asking questions. His thoughts were whirling round and round in his head. Nothing was what it appeared to be. This was all wrong, and yet it seemed right.

Suddenly he fell silent. Something had struck him in the solar plexus with a force that stopped his words in mid-sentence. He looked down and saw blood starting to seep out as the knife was pulled from the wound. Then a new stab, more pain, and the sharp blade twisting inside his body.

He knew it was over. It would all end here, even though there was still so much he had left to do and see and experience. At the same time there was a kind of justice in what was happening. He hadn’t deserved the good life he’d enjoyed, or all the love he’d been given. Not after what he had done.

After the pain had numbed his senses and the knife stopped moving, the water came. The rocking motion of a boat. And when he was enveloped by the cold sea, all other sensations ceased.

The last thing he remembered was her hair. Long, and dark.






‘But it’s been three months! Why haven’t you found him?’

Patrik Hedström gazed at the woman in front of him. She looked more exhausted every time he saw her. And she came into the police station in Tanumshede once a week. Every Wednesday. She’d been doing this ever since her husband disappeared in early November.

‘We’re doing everything we can, Cia. You know that.’

She nodded without saying a word. Her hands were trembling as she held them clasped in her lap. Then she looked at him, her eyes filled with tears. It wasn’t the first time Patrik had seen this happen.

‘He’s not coming back, is he?’

Now her voice was trembling as well as her hands, and Patrik had to resist the urge to go round his desk and give the fragile woman a comforting hug. Somehow, even though it went against all his protective instincts, he remained cool and professional, considering how to respond. Finally he took a deep breath and said:

‘No, I don’t think he is.’

She didn’t ask any more questions, but he could see that his words had only reinforced what Cia Kjellner already knew. Her husband was never coming home. On the third of November Magnus had got up at six thirty, showered, dressed, waved goodbye first to his two children and then to his wife as they left for the day. Just after eight o’clock Magnus was seen leaving the house on the way to Tanum Windows, his place of work. After that nobody knew where he had gone. He never showed up at the house of his colleague, who was supposed to give him a ride to the office. Somewhere between his own home in the neighbourhood near the sports pitch and his colleague’s house by the Fjällbacka miniature golf course, Magnus Kjellner had vanished.

The police had examined every aspect of his life. They had put out an APB and spoken with more than fifty people, including co-workers, family members and friends. They had searched for debts that might have compelled him to flee, and for secret lovers. They investigated the possibility that he might have embezzled money from his employer – anything that might explain why a respectable man of forty with a wife and two teenage kids would suddenly just leave the house and disappear. But the police hadn’t found a single lead. There was nothing to indicate that he had travelled abroad, nor had any money been withdrawn from the couple’s joint bank account. Magnus Kjellner had simply vanished without trace.

After Patrik had shown Cia out, he knocked cautiously on Paula Morales’s door. ‘Come in,’ she said at once. He stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

‘Was it his wife again?’

‘Yes,’ said Patrik with a sigh, sitting down on the visitor’s chair. He put his feet up on the desk, but after a fierce look from Paula he quickly took them down.

‘Do you think he’s dead?’

‘I’m afraid so,’ said Patrik. For the first time voicing the suspicion he had felt ever since Magnus went missing. ‘We’ve checked out everything, and the guy had none of the usual reasons for disappearing. It seems he just left home one day and then … he was gone.’

‘But no body has been found.’

‘No, there’s no body,’ said Patrik. ‘And where are we supposed to look? We can’t drag the whole sea or search all the woods around Fjällbacka. All we can do is twiddle our thumbs and hope that someone finds him. Either dead or alive. Because I have no idea what else to do. And I don’t know what to say when Cia shows up here each week, expecting us to have made some sort of progress in the case.’

‘That’s just her way of dealing with the situation. It makes her feel like she’s doing something instead of simply sitting at home waiting for news. I know that would drive me crazy.’ Paula glanced at the photograph she kept next to her computer.

‘I understand that,’ said Patrik. ‘But it doesn’t make things any easier.’

‘No, of course not.’

For a few moments silence descended over the cramped office. At last Patrik stood up. ‘We’ll just have to hope that he turns up. One way or another.’

‘I suppose you’re right,’ said Paula. But she sounded just as dejected as Patrik.






‘What a fatty.’

‘You should talk!’ Anna pointed at Erica’s belly as she stared at her sister in the mirror.

Erica Falck turned so that she stood in profile, just like Anna, and she had to agree. Good God, she was huge. She looked like a gigantic belly with a tiny Erica stuck on to it, just for the sake of appearances. And that was exactly how she felt. By comparison, her body had been a miracle of suppleness when she was pregnant with Maja. But this time she was carrying two babies.

‘I’m really not the least bit envious of you,’ Anna said with the brutal honesty of a younger sister.

‘Thanks a lot,’ said Erica, bumping her with her stomach. Anna bumped her back, and both of them almost lost their balance. For a moment they stood flailing their arms in the air in an effort to stay on their feet, but then they started laughing so hard that they had to sit down on the floor.

‘What a joke!’ said Erica, wiping tears from her eyes. ‘Nobody should look like this. I’m a cross between Barbapapa and the man in the Monty Python film who explodes when he eats a wafer-thin mint.’

‘Well, I’m eternally grateful that you’re having twins. Thanks to you, I feel like a slender nymph in comparison.’

‘You’re welcome,’ replied Erica, making a move to get up. But nothing came of her efforts.

‘Wait, I’ll help you,’ said Anna, but she too lost the battle with gravity and ended up on her backside again. They both had the same thought as they looked at each other. And then they yelled in unison: ‘Dan!’

‘What is it?’ they heard from downstairs.

‘We can’t get up!’ Anna called.

‘What’d you say?’

They heard him coming up the stairs towards the bedroom where they were sitting on the floor.

‘What on earth are you two doing?’ Dan said with amusement when he caught sight of his fiancée Anna and her sister sitting in front of the full-length mirror.

‘We can’t get up,’ said Erica with as much dignity as she could muster, reaching out her hand.

‘Hold on, I’ll go get the forklift,’ said Dan, pretending to head back downstairs.

‘Cut that out,’ said Erica, as Anna laughed so hard she had to lie down.

‘Okay, I’ll give it a try.’ Dan took hold of Erica’s hand and began to pull her up. ‘Erggggg!’ he groaned.

‘Skip the sound effects, if you don’t mind,’ Erica told him as she slowly got to her feet.

‘Damn, you’re huge,’ exclaimed Dan, and Erica punched him in the arm.

‘You’ve said that at least a hundred times, and you’re not the only one. Why don’t you stop staring at me and focus on your own little chubette instead?’

‘Okay. Sure.’ Dan now pulled Anna to her feet, and then gave her a big kiss on the lips.

‘You guys should get a room if you’re going to do that,’ said Erica, poking Dan in the side.

‘This is our room,’ said Dan, kissing Anna again.

‘Okay. Then let’s concentrate on the reason I’m here,’ said Erica, going over to her sister’s wardrobe.

‘I don’t know why you think I can help you,’ said Anna, waddling after Erica. ‘I can’t imagine that I have anything that’ll fit you.’

‘So what am I supposed to do, then?’ Erica was looking through the clothes on the hangers. ‘Christian’s book launch is tonight, and the only thing I can fit into is Maja’s wigwam.’

‘Okay, we’ll work something out. The trousers you have on look fine, and I think I have a shirt that might fit you. It’s a little too big for me, at any rate.’

Anna reached for an embroidered lavender tunic hanging in the wardrobe. Erica took off her T-shirt and pulled the tunic over her head with Anna’s help. Getting it down over her stomach was like stuffing a Christmas sausage, but she managed it. Then she turned towards the mirror and stared at herself with a critical expression.

‘You look fantastic,’ Anna said, and Erica grunted in response. With her present figure, ‘fantastic’ sounded way beyond reach, but at least she looked decent and as if she’d made an effort.

‘It’ll do,’ she said. She tried to take the tunic off by herself, but had to give up and let Anna help her.

‘Where’s the party?’ Anna asked as she smoothed out the tunic and put it back on the hanger.

‘At the Grand Hotel.’

‘Nice of the publisher to throw a launch party for a first-time author,’ said Anna, heading for the stairs.

‘The company is really enthusiastic about the book. And the advance orders are incredibly good for a first novel, so they’re more than happy to host a party. There seems to be plenty of support from the press as well, according to what I’ve heard from the publisher.’

‘So what do you think of the book? I assume you like it, or else you wouldn’t have recommended it to your publisher. But how good is it?’

‘It’s …’ Erica pondered what to say about the book as she cautiously made her way down the stairs, following her sister. ‘It’s magical. Dark and beautiful, disturbing and powerful and … well, magical is the best word I can think of to describe it.’

‘Christian must be over the moon.’

‘Yes, I suppose he is.’ Erica sounded a bit doubtful as she went into the kitchen. Knowing where everything was, she went straight for the coffee-maker. ‘At the same time he seems …’ She stopped talking so she wouldn’t lose count as she spooned coffee into the filter. ‘He was ecstatic when his book was accepted for publication, but I get the feeling the writing process has stirred up something for him. It’s hard to say, because I don’t really know him that well. I’m not sure why he asked me for advice, but I was happy to help. And I do have a lot of experience when it comes to editing manuscripts, even though I don’t write novels. At first everything went smoothly, and Christian seemed open to all my suggestions. But towards the end he would sometimes withdraw when I wanted to discuss certain issues. I can’t really explain it. But he is a bit eccentric. Maybe that’s all there is to it.’

‘Then I suppose he found the right profession,’ said Anna solemnly.

Erica turned to face her. ‘So now I’m not only fat but eccentric too?’

‘And don’t forget absent-minded.’ Anna nodded towards the coffee-maker that Erica had just turned on. ‘It helps if you put water in it first.’

The coffee-maker puffed in agreement, and with a stern look at her sister Erica shut it off.

Moving as if on automatic, she took care of all the usual household chores. She put the dishes in the dishwasher after rinsing off the plates and cutlery. She cleaned the food scraps out of the plughole with her hand and scrubbed the sink with the dish brush and soap. Then she wet the dishcloth, wrung it out, and wiped the kitchen table to remove any remaining crumbs and sticky spots.

‘Mamma, can I go over to Sandra’s?’ Elin asked as she came into the kitchen. The defiant look on the fifteen-year-old’s face showed that she was resigned in advance to hearing a negative response.

‘You know you can’t do that. Grandpa and Grandma are coming over tonight.’

‘But they come over so often. Why do I have to be here every time?’ Elin’s voice rose, taking on the whiny tone that Cia couldn’t stand.

‘You and Ludvig are who they want to see. You know they’d be disappointed if you weren’t here.’

‘But it’s so boring! And Grandma always starts crying, and then Grandpa tells her to stop. I want to go to over to Sandra’s house. All my friends are going to be there.’

‘Now you’re exaggerating,’ said Cia, rinsing out the dishcloth and hanging it over the tap. ‘I doubt they’ll “all” be there. You can go to Sandra’s some other night, when Grandma and Grandpa aren’t coming to visit.’

‘Pappa would’ve let me go.’

Cia’s lungs seemed to constrict. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t handle the anger and defiance right now. Magnus would have known how to deal with things. He would have handled the situation with Elin. But she couldn’t do it. Not by herself.

‘Pappa isn’t here now.’

‘So where is he?’ Elin shrieked, and the tears began to flow. ‘Where did he go? He probably just got tired of you and your nagging. You … you … bitch!’

Utter silence settled over Cia’s mind. It was as if all sound vanished and everything around her was transformed into a grey fog.

‘He’s dead.’ Her voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere else, as if a stranger were speaking.

Elin stared at her.

‘He’s dead,’ Cia said again. She felt strangely calm, as if she were hovering above herself and her daughter, peacefully observing the scene.

‘You’re lying,’ Elin said, her chest heaving as if she had run several miles.

‘I’m not lying. That’s what the police think. And I know it’s true.’ When she heard herself say the words, she realized how true the statement was. She had refused to believe it, clinging to a faint hope. But the truth was that Magnus was dead.

‘How do you know that? How do the police know?’

‘He wouldn’t just leave us.’

Elin shook her head as if to prevent the idea from taking hold. But Cia saw that her daughter knew it too. Magnus would never simply up and leave them.

She took a few steps across the kitchen floor and put her arms around her daughter. Elin stiffened, but then relaxed and allowed herself to be embraced, as if she were a little child. Cia stroked Elin’s hair as the girl sobbed harder.

‘Hush now,’ Cia whispered, feeling her own strength grow as her daughter surrendered to grief. ‘You can go to Sandra’s this evening. I’ll explain to Grandma and Grandpa.’

Christian Thydell looked at himself in the mirror. Sometimes he really didn’t know how to relate to his own appearance. He was forty years old. Somehow the years had raced by, and he found himself gazing at a man who was not only grown up but who had even begun to go grey at the temples.

‘How distinguished you look.’

Christian jumped as Sanna appeared behind him and put her arms around his waist.

‘You scared me. Don’t sneak up on me like that.’ He extricated himself from her embrace and caught a glimpse of her disappointed expression in the mirror before he turned round.

‘Sorry.’ She sat down on the bed.

‘You look lovely too,’ he said, and felt even guiltier when he saw how the compliment made her eyes light up. But he also felt annoyed. He hated it when she acted like a little puppy wagging its tail at the slightest attention from its master. His wife was ten years younger, but sometimes it felt as if there were at least twenty years between them.

‘Could you help me with my tie?’ He went over to Sanna, who got up and knotted it expertly. It was perfect on the first try, and she took a step back to inspect her work.

‘You’re going to be a big hit tonight.’

‘Mmm …’ he said, mostly because he didn’t know what she expected him to say.

‘Mamma! Nils hit me!’ Melker dashed into the room as if a pack of wolves was after him. Looking for refuge, he wrapped his sticky fingers around the first things within reach: Christian’s legs.

‘Damn!’ Christian brusquely shook off his five-year-old son, but it was too late. Both trouser legs now had bright splotches of ketchup around the knees. He struggled to keep his temper – something that was proving more and more difficult lately.

‘Can’t you keep the kids in line?’ he snapped, demonstratively unbuttoning his suit trousers so he could change.

‘I’m sure I can clean that off,’ said Sanna as she grabbed for Melker, who was on his way towards the bed with his sticky fingers.

‘And how do you expect to do that, when I have to be there in an hour? I’ll just have to change.’

‘But I think I can …’ Sanna sounded on the verge of tears.

‘Look after the kids instead.’

Sanna flinched at every word, as if he had struck her. Without replying, she took Melker by the arm and hustled him out of the room.

After she left, Christian sat down heavily on the bed. He glanced at himself in the mirror. A tight-lipped man. Dressed in a suit jacket, shirt, tie, and underwear. Hunched over as if all the troubles of the world were resting on his shoulders. He tried straightening up and puffing out his chest. He looked better already.

This was his night. And nobody could take it away from him.

‘Anything new?’ asked Gösta Flygare as he held up the coffee pot towards Patrik, who had just stepped into the police station’s little kitchen.

Patrik nodded that he’d like some coffee and sank down on to a chair at the table. Ernst the dog, hearing that they were taking a break, came plodding into the room and lay down under the table in the hope some morsel would be dropped on the floor for him to lick up.

‘Here you go.’ Gösta placed a cup of black coffee in front of Patrik and then sat down across from him.

‘You’re looking a bit pale around the gills,’ said Gösta, studying his younger colleague.

Patrik shrugged. ‘Just a bit tired. Maja isn’t sleeping well and that makes her cranky. And Erica is totally worn out. Understandably so. Which means things haven’t exactly been easy on the home front.’

‘And it’s only going to get worse,’ said Gösta.

Patrik laughed. ‘Wow, that’s encouraging. But you’re right, it probably will.’

‘So you haven’t come up with anything new on Magnus Kjellner?’ Gösta discreetly sneaked a biscuit under the table, and Ernst happily thumped his tail against Patrik’s feet.

‘No, not a thing,’ said Patrik, taking a sip of coffee.

‘I saw that Cia was here again.’

‘Yes, it’s like some sort of obsessive ritual – but I suppose that’s not surprising. How is a woman supposed to act when her husband suddenly vanishes?’

‘Maybe we should interview some more people,’ said Gösta, sneaking another biscuit under the table for Ernst.

‘Who do you have in mind?’ Patrik could hear how annoyed he sounded. ‘We’ve talked to his family and his friends. We’ve knocked on doors throughout the neighbourhood, and we’ve put up notices and appealed for information via the local paper. What else can we do?’

‘It’s not like you to give up so easily.’

‘Well, if you’ve got any suggestions, I’d like to hear them.’ Patrik immediately regretted his brusque tone of voice, even though Gösta didn’t seem to take offence. ‘It sounds terrible to hope that the man will turn up dead,’ he added in a calmer manner. ‘But I’m convinced that only then will we work out what happened to him. I’ll bet you he didn’t disappear voluntarily, and if we had a body then at least there’d be something to go on.’

‘I think you’re right. It’s horrible to think that his body will float ashore somewhere or be discovered in the woods. But I have the same feeling you do. And it must be awful …’

‘Not to know, you mean?’ said Patrik, shifting his feet, which were getting hot underneath the heavy weight of the dog.

‘Well, just imagine not knowing where the person you love has gone. It’s the same thing for parents when a child goes missing. There’s an American website devoted to kids who have disappeared. Page after page of pictures of missing kids. All I can say is Jesus H. Christ.’

‘Something like that would kill me,’ said Patrik. He pictured his whirlwind of a daughter. The thought of her being taken from him was unbearable.

‘What on earth are you guys talking about? The atmosphere in here is positively funereal.’ Annika’s cheerful voice broke the dismal mood as she joined them at the table. The station’s youngest member, Martin Molin, came in right behind her, lured by all the voices coming from the kitchen and the smell of coffee. He was working only part-time now, since he was on paternity leave, and he seized every possible opportunity to hang out with his colleagues and take part in adult conversations.

‘We were discussing Magnus Kjellner,’ said Patrik, his tone of voice making it clear that the conversation was over. To make sure the others understood, he changed the subject.

‘How’s it going with the little girl?’

‘Oh, we got new pictures yesterday,’ said Annika, taking some photos out of the pocket of her tunic.

‘Look how big she’s getting.’ She put the pictures on the table, and Patrik and Gösta took turns looking at them. Martin had already been given a preview when he arrived that morning.

‘Ah, she’s so pretty,’ said Patrik.

Annika nodded in agreement. ‘She’s ten months old now.’

‘When do you two get to go there to collect her?’ Gösta asked with genuine interest. He was fully aware that he had played a part in convincing Annika and Lennart to seriously consider adoption. So he took a slightly proprietary interest in the little girl in the photographs.

‘Well, we’re getting some mixed messages,’ Annika told him. She gathered up the pictures and put them carefully back in her pocket. ‘But in a couple of months, I should think.’

‘It must seem like a long wait.’ Patrik got up and put his cup in the dishwasher.

‘Yes, it does. But at the same time … At least the process has been started. And we know that she’ll be ours.’

‘Yes, she certainly will,’ said Gösta. On impulse he put his hand on Annika’s and then snatched it away. ‘Right, back to work. Haven’t got time to sit around here chatting,’ he muttered in embarrassment, getting to his feet.

His three colleagues looked at him in amusement as he slouched out of the kitchen.

‘Christian!’ The publishing director, reeking of perfume, came over to give him a big hug.

Christian held his breath so he wouldn’t have to inhale the cloying scent. Gaby von Rosen was not known for subtlety. Everything was always excessive when it came to Gaby: too much hair, too much make-up, too much perfume, all combined with a fashion sense that, putting it politely, could best be described as startling. This evening, in honour of the occasion, she wore a shocking pink ensemble with a green cloth rose on the lapel, and teetered on dangerously high stilettos. But despite her slightly ridiculous appearance, as the head of Sweden’s hot new publishing house she was a force to be reckoned with. She had over thirty years’ experience in the field and an intellect as acute as her tongue was sharp. Those who underestimated her as a competitor never made the same mistake twice.

‘This is going to be such fun!’ Gaby held Christian at arm’s length as she beamed at him.

Christian, still struggling to breathe in the cloud of perfume, could only nod.

‘Lars-Erik and Ulla-Lena here at the hotel have been simply fantastic,’ she went on. ‘What delightful people! And the buffet looks wonderful. This feels like the perfect venue to launch your brilliant book. So how does it feel?’

Christian finally managed to extricate himself and took a step back.

‘Well, a little unreal, I have to admit. I’ve been working on this novel for so long, and now … well, now here it is.’ He glanced at the stacks of books on the table by the exit. He could read his own name on the spine of each copy, along with the title: The Mermaid. He felt his stomach flip. It was really happening.

‘So this is what we have in mind,’ Gaby said, tugging at his sleeve and pulling him along. Christian followed, offering no resistance. ‘We’ll start by meeting with the journalists who are here, so they can talk to you in peace and quiet. We’re very pleased with the media response. Journalists from Göteborgs Posten, Göteborgs Tidningen, Bohusläningen, and Strömstads Tidning – they’re all here. None from the national newspapers, but that’s all right, considering today’s rave review in Svenska Dagbladet.’

‘A review?’ said Christian as he was escorted to a small dais next to the stage where he would talk to the press.

‘I’ll tell you later,’ said Gaby, pushing him down on to a chair next to the wall.

He tried to regain some control of the situation, but he felt as if he’d been sucked into a tumble drier with no possibility of escape. The sight of Gaby already on her way out, leaving him behind, merely reinforced that feeling. Assistants were dashing about, setting the tables. Nobody paid any attention to him. He permitted himself to close his eyes for a moment. He thought about his book, The Mermaid, and all the hours he’d spent sitting at the computer. Hundreds, thousands of hours. He thought about her, about the Mermaid.

‘Christian Thydell?’

A voice roused him from his reverie and he looked up. The man standing before him was holding his hand out and seemed to be waiting for him to respond. So he stood up and shook hands.

‘Birger Jansson, Strömstads Tidning.’ The man set a big camera bag on the floor.

‘Oh, er, welcome. Please have a seat,’ said Christian, not sure how to act. He looked around for Gaby, but caught only a glimpse of her shocking pink outfit, fluttering about near the entrance.

‘They’re really putting a lot of PR behind your book,’ said Jansson, looking around.

‘Yes, it seems so,’ said Christian. Then both of them fell silent and fidgeted a bit.

‘Shall we get started? Or should we wait for the others?’

Christian gave the reporter a blank look. How should he know? He’d never done anything like this before. But Jansson seemed to take the whole situation in his stride as he placed a tape recorder on the table and switched it on.

‘So,’ he said, fixing Christian with a penetrating gaze. ‘This is your first novel, right?’

Christian wondered whether he was supposed to do more than confirm this statement. ‘Yes, it is,’ he said, clearing his throat.

‘I liked it a lot,’ said Jansson in a gruff tone of voice that belied the compliment.

‘Thank you,’ said Christian.

‘What did you intend to say with this novel?’ Jansson checked the tape recorder to make sure it was recording properly.

‘What did I intend to say? I don’t really know. It’s a novel, a story that I’ve had in the back of my mind and that needed to come out.’

‘It’s an awfully dark story. I’d almost call it bleak,’ said Jansson, studying Christian as if trying to peer inside the deepest recesses of his soul. ‘Is this how you view society?’

‘I don’t know if it’s my view of society that I was trying to communicate through the book,’ said Christian, searching frantically for something intelligent to say. He’d never thought of his writing in this way before. The story had been part of him for so long, inside his head, and finally he’d felt compelled to put it down on paper. But did it have anything to do with what he wanted to say about society? The thought had never even occurred to him.

Finally Gaby came to his rescue, arriving with the other reporters in tow, and Jansson turned off his tape recorder as they all greeted one another and sat down around the table. The whole process took several minutes, and Christian used the opportunity to gather his thoughts.

Gaby then motioned for everyone’s attention.

‘Welcome to this gathering in honour of the new superstar in the literary firmament, Christian Thydell. All of us at the publishing company are incredibly proud of producing his first novel, The Mermaid. And we think this marks the beginning of a long and amazing writing career. Christian hasn’t yet seen any of the reviews. So it’s with great joy that I can tell you, Christian, that today there were fantastic reviews in Svenska Dagbladet, Dagens Nyheter, and Arbetarbladet, just to name a few. Let me read a few quotes to all of you.’

She put on her reading glasses and reached for a stack of papers lying in front of her on the table. A pink highlighter had been used to mark phrases against the white newsprint.

‘“A linguistically virtuoso performance depicting the plight of ordinary people without losing sight of the larger perspective.” That was from Svenska Dagbladet,’ Gaby explained with a nod to Christian. Then she turned to the next review. ‘“It’s both pleasant and painful to read Christian Thydell’s book, since his pared-down prose shines light on society’s false promises of security and democracy. His words cut like a knife through flesh, muscle and conscience, which kept me reading with feverish urgency and seeking, like a fakir, more of the torturous but wonderfully cleansing pain.” That’s from Dagens Nyheter,’ said Gaby, taking off her glasses as she handed the small stack of reviews to Christian.

In stunned disbelief, he took the reviews. He’d heard the words, and it felt good to be showered with praise, but he honestly didn’t understand what the critics were talking about. All he’d done was write about her, told her story. Let out the words and everything about her in an outpouring that had occasionally left him completely drained. It wasn’t his intention to say anything about society. He just wanted to say something about her.

But he bit back the protests. No one would understand, and maybe it was better just to let things be. He’d never be able to explain.

‘How marvellous,’ he said, hearing how the words fell meaninglessly from his lips.

Then came more questions. More praise and comments about his book. And he realized that he couldn’t give a sensible answer to a single question. How could he describe something that had filled the smallest corners of his life? Something that wasn’t merely a story – it was also about survival. About pain. He did the best he could, trying to speak clearly and thoughtfully. Apparently he succeeded, because Gaby kept nodding her approval.

When the interview session was finally over, all Christian wanted to do was go home. He felt totally drained. But he was forced to linger on in the beautiful dining room of the Grand Hotel. He took a deep breath and prepared himself to meet the guests who had started to stream in. He smiled, but it was a smile that cost him more effort than anyone would ever know.

‘Could you manage to stay sober tonight?’ Erik Lind quietly snapped at his wife so that the others waiting in the queue to get into the party wouldn’t hear him.

‘Could you manage to keep your hands to yourself tonight?’ Louise replied, not bothering to whisper.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ said Erik. ‘And lower your voice, please.’

Louise eyed her husband coldly. He was an elegant man – that much she couldn’t deny. And once upon a time that had attracted her. They’d met at the university, and plenty of girls had looked at her with envy because she’d nabbed Erik Lind. Since then he had slowly but surely fucked away any love, respect, or trust she’d ever felt for him. Not with her. God, no. On the other hand, he didn’t seem to have any problem finding willing lovers outside of the marriage bed.

‘Hi, there! You’re here too? How nice!’ Cecilia Jansdotter made her way over to them and gave them both the obligatory kiss on the cheek. She was Louise’s hairdresser, and she and Erik had also been lovers for the past year. But of course they didn’t think Louise knew about that.

‘Hi, Cecilia,’ said Louise with a smile. She was a sweet girl, and if Louise held a grudge against everyone who had slept with her husband, she wouldn’t have been able to carry on living in Fjällbacka. Besides, she’d stopped caring years ago. She had the girls. And that wonderful invention: wine in a box. What did she need Erik for?

‘It’s so exciting that we have another author here in Fjällbacka! First Erica Falck, and now Christian.’ Cecilia was practically jumping up and down. ‘Have either of you read his book?’

‘I only read business journals,’ said Erik.

Louise rolled her eyes. How typical of Erik to flirt by saying that he never read books.

‘I’m hoping that we’ll get to take a copy home with us,’ she said, drawing her coat tighter around her. She hoped the queue would move a little faster so they could get inside where it was warm.

‘Yes, Louise is the big reader in the family. But then, what else is there to do when you don’t have to work? Right, sweetheart?’

Louise shrugged, letting the spiteful remark roll right off her. It wouldn’t do any good to point out that it was Erik who had insisted that she stay home while the girls were young. Or that she slaved from morning to night to make sure that everything ran smoothly in the well-ordered home that he took for granted.

The small talk continued as they slowly moved forward. At last they were able to enter the lobby and hang up their coats before descending the stairs to the dining hall.

With Erik’s eyes burning into her back, Louise headed straight for the bar.

‘Now don’t wear yourself out,’ Patrik told Erica, giving her a kiss before she swept out the door, her stomach leading the way.

Maja whimpered a bit when she saw her mother disappear, but she stopped fussing as soon as Patrik set her down in front of the TV to watch Bolibompa. The show with the green dragon had just started. Maja had been much more fretful and difficult to handle during the past few months, and the fits of temper that followed whenever she was told ‘no’ were enough to make any diva envious. Patrik could partly understand. She must feel the excited anticipation, combined with apprehension, regarding the arrival of her two siblings. Good Lord. Twins. Even though they’d known from the very first ultrasound, done in Erica’s eighteenth week, he still hadn’t really been able to take in the news. Sometimes he wondered how they were going to manage. It had been hard enough with one baby; how were they going to cope with two? How would they handle the breastfeeding and trying to get some sleep, and everything else? And they needed to buy a new car that was big enough for three kids and their pushchairs. And that was just one of many matters to consider.

Patrik sat down on the sofa next to Maja and stared into space. He’d been so tired lately. It felt as though his energy was just ebbing away, and some mornings it was all he could do to haul himself out of bed. But maybe that wasn’t so strange. In addition to everything going on at home, with Erica so worn out and Maja transformed into a tiny defiant monster, he was having a hard time at work. In the years since he’d met Erica, he and his colleagues had handled several difficult murder investigations; the grim nature of his work and the constant battle with his boss, Bertil Mellberg, was beginning to take its toll on Patrik.

And now they were dealing with Magnus Kjellner’s disappearance. Patrik didn’t know whether it was experience or instinct, but he was convinced that something had happened to the man. Whether he was the victim of an accident or foul play, it was impossible to say, but Patrik would bet his police badge that Kjellner was no longer alive. The fact that every Wednesday he had to meet with the man’s wife, who looked smaller and shabbier each time, had really begun to wear on him. The police had done absolutely everything they could, but he still couldn’t get the sight of Cia Kjellner’s face out of his mind.

‘Pappa!’ Maja roused him from his reveries, using vocal powers that were far stronger than she knew. She was pointing her finger at the TV, and he saw at once what had caused the crisis. He must have been lost in thought much longer than he realized, because Bolibompa was over, replaced by a show for grown-ups that didn’t interest Maja in the least.

‘Pappa will fix it,’ he said, holding up his hands. ‘How about Pippi Longstocking?’

Since Pippi was currently the big favourite, Patrik knew what his daughter’s answer would be. He got out the DVD, and when Pippi in the South Seas began to play, he sat down next to Maja again, putting his arm around her. Like a warm little animal, she snuggled happily into his armpit. Five minutes later Patrik was asleep.

Christian was sweating profusely. Gaby had just told him that it would soon be time for him to go up on stage. The dining hall wasn’t exactly packed, but about sixty guests with expectant expressions on their faces were seated at the tables, with plates of food and glasses of beer or wine in front of them. Christian himself hadn’t been able to eat a thing, but he was drinking red wine. He was now on his third glass, even though he knew that he shouldn’t be drinking so much. It wouldn’t be good if he ended up slurring his words into the microphone when he was interviewed. But without the wine he wouldn’t be able to function at all.

He was surveying the room when he felt a hand on his arm.

‘Hi. How’s it going? You look a little tense.’ Erica was peering at him with concern.

‘I guess I’m just nervous,’ he admitted, finding consolation in telling someone about it.

‘I know exactly how you feel,’ said Erica. ‘I made my first public appearance at an event for first-time authors in Stockholm, and they practically had to scrape me off the floor afterwards. And I can’t remember a single thing I said when I was on stage.’

‘I have a feeling they’re going to have to scrape me off the floor too,’ said Christian, touching his hand to his throat. For a second he thought about the letters, and then he was overwhelmed by panic. His knees buckled, and it was only thanks to the fact that Erica was holding on to him that he didn’t fall on his face.

‘Upsy-daisy,’ said Erica. ‘Looks like you’ve had a few stiff drinks. You probably shouldn’t have any more before your appearance.’ She carefully removed the glass of red wine from Christian’s hand and set it on the nearest table. ‘I promise you that everything will go just fine. Gaby will start off by introducing you and your novel. Then I’ll ask you a few questions – and you and I have already discussed what they’ll be. Trust me. The only problem is going to be hauling this body of mine up on stage.’

She laughed, and Christian joined in. Not wholeheartedly, and he sounded a bit shrill, but the joke worked. Some of the tension eased out of him, and he could feel himself breathing again. He pushed all thought of the letters far away. He wasn’t going to let that affect him tonight. The Mermaid had been given a voice through his book, and now he was done with her.

‘Hi, honey.’ Sanna came over to join them, her eyes sparkling as she looked around the hall. Christian knew that this was a big moment for her. Maybe even bigger than for him.

‘How lovely you look,’ he said, and she basked in the praise. She really did look lovely. He knew that he’d been lucky to meet her. She put up with a great deal from him, more than most people would have been willing to endure. It wasn’t her fault that she couldn’t fill the empty space inside of him. Probably nobody could. He put his arm around her and kissed her hair.

‘How sweet you two are!’ Gaby came striding over to them, her high heels clacking. ‘Someone has sent you flowers, Christian.’

He stared at the bouquet she was holding. It was beautiful but simple, composed solely of white lilies.

With fingers that trembled uncontrollably, he reached for the white envelope fastened to the bouquet. He was shaking so much that he could hardly open it, and he was barely aware of the surprised glances from the women standing around him.

The card was also very simple. A plain white card of heavy stock, the message written in black ink, with the same elegant handwriting used in the letters. He stared at the words. And then everything went black before his eyes.




2


She was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. She smelled so good, and her long hair was tied back with a white ribbon. It shone so brightly that he almost felt the need to squint. He took a tentative step towards her, uncertain whether he would be allowed to partake of all this beauty. She held out her arms to give him permission, and with quick steps he leapt into her embrace. Away from the blackness, away from the evil. Instead he was enveloped in whiteness, in light, in a floral scent and with silky soft hair against his cheek.

‘Are you my mother now?’ he said at last, reluctantly taking a step back. She nodded. ‘Really?’ He was waiting for someone to come in and, with some brusque remark, smash everything to pieces, telling him that he’d only been dreaming. And that this wonderful creature couldn’t possibly be the mother of somebody like him.

But no voice spoke. Instead, she simply nodded, and he couldn’t help himself. He threw himself into her arms again and never, ever wanted to leave. Somewhere inside his head there were other pictures, other scents and sounds that wanted to surface, but they were drowned out by the floral perfume and the rustling of her dress. He pushed those images away. Forced them to disappear, to be replaced by all that was new and amazing. All that was unbelievable.

He looked up at his new mother, and his heart beat twice as fast with joy. When she took his hand and led him away from there, he went with her quite willingly.






‘I heard that things took a rather dramatic turn last night. What was Christian thinking, getting drunk at an event like that?’ Kenneth Bengtsson was late arriving at the office after a rough morning at home. He tossed his jacket on the sofa, but a disapproving glance from Erik made him pick it up again and hang it on a hook in the hall.

‘You’re right. It was undeniably a lamentable end to the evening,’ Erik replied. ‘On the other hand, Louise seemed determined to escape into an alcoholic haze, so at least I was spared that experience.’

‘Are things really that bad?’ asked Kenneth, looking at Erik. It was rare for Erik to confide anything personal to him. That was how he’d always been. Both when they were kids, playing together, and now that they were adults. Erik treated Kenneth as if he barely tolerated him, as if he was doing the man a favour by deigning to spend time with him. If it hadn’t been for the fact that Kenneth actually had something to offer Erik, their friendship would have been over long ago. That was exactly what had happened while Erik was studying at the university and working in Göteborg, while Kenneth had stayed in Fjällbacka and started up his small accounting firm. A company that over the years had become a very successful business.

Because Kenneth was, in fact, quite talented. He was aware that he wasn’t particularly good-looking or charming, and he had no illusions about having more than average intelligence. But he did have a remarkable ability to work wonders when it came to numbers. He could juggle with the sums in a profit-and-loss report or balance sheet as if he were the David Beckham of the accounting world. Combined with his ability to persuade the tax authorities to see his side of things, Kenneth had suddenly, and for the first time ever, become a highly valuable person for Erik. He was the natural choice when Erik needed an associate as he entered the construction market, which had lately become such a lucrative enterprise on the west coast of Sweden. Erik had, of course, made it very clear that Kenneth needed to know his place, since he owned only a third of the company and not half – although he really should have done, considering what he contributed to the firm. But that didn’t matter. Kenneth wasn’t interested in amassing wealth or power. He was content to work with the things he was good at, and to be Erik’s associate.

‘I really have no idea what to do about Louise,’ said Erik, getting up from behind his desk. ‘If it weren’t for the children …’ He shook his head as he put on his coat.

Kenneth nodded sympathetically. He knew full well what the situation was. And it had nothing to do with the children. What was stopping Erik from divorcing Louise was the fact that she would then be entitled to half of their money and other assets.

‘I’m going out for lunch, and I’ll be gone for a while. A long lunch today.’

‘Okay,’ said Kenneth. A long lunch. Oh, right.

‘Is he home?’ Erica was standing on the porch of the Thydell home.

Sanna seemed to hesitate for a few seconds before stepping aside to let her in.

‘He’s upstairs. In his workroom. He’s just sitting in front of the computer, staring.’

‘Is it all right if I go up to talk to him?’

Sanna nodded. ‘Sure. Nothing I say seems to do any good. Maybe you’ll have better luck.’

There was a bitter tone to Sanna’s voice, and Erica paused for a moment to study her. She looked tired. But there was something else that Erica couldn’t quite put her finger on.

‘Let me see what I can do.’ Slowly Erica made her way up the stairs, supporting her oversized stomach with one hand. Lately even such a simple task sapped her of all energy.

‘Hi.’ She knocked gently on the open door, and Christian turned around. He was sitting in his desk chair, but the computer screen was blank. ‘You really gave us a scare yesterday,’ said Erica, sinking on to an armchair in the corner.

‘Just a bit overworked, I guess,’ said Christian. But there were dark shadows under his eyes, and his hands were shaking. ‘Plus I’ve been worried about Magnus disappearing.’

‘Are you sure there’s not some other reason?’ Her voice sounded sharper than she’d intended. ‘I picked this up yesterday and brought it along.’ She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the note that had come with the bouquet of white lilies. ‘You must have dropped it.’

Christian stared at the card.

‘Put that away.’

‘What does the message mean?’ Erica looked with concern at this man she had started to regard as a friend.

He didn’t answer.

Erica repeated her question, this time a bit more gently: ‘Christian, what does it mean? Your reaction was awfully strong yesterday. So don’t try to make me believe that you were just feeling overworked.’

Still he said nothing. Suddenly the silence was broken by Sanna’s voice from the doorway.

‘Tell Erica about the letters,’ she said.

Sanna stayed where she was, waiting for her husband to respond. A few more minutes of silence ensued before Christian sighed, pulled out the bottom drawer of his desk and took out a small bundle of letters.

‘I’ve had these for a while.’

Erica picked up the letters and cautiously leafed through the pages. White sheets of paper with black ink. And there was no doubt that the handwriting was the same as on the card she’d brought along. Some of the words were familiar too. The sentences were different, but the theme was the same. She began reading aloud from the letter on top:

‘She walks at your side, she follows along with you. You have no right to your life. It belongs to her.’

Erica looked up in astonishment. ‘What’s this all about? Do you understand any of this?’

‘No.’ Christian’s reply was swift and firm. ‘No, I have no clue. I don’t know of anyone who would want to harm me. At least, I don’t think so. And I have no idea who “she” is. I should have thrown out those letters,’ he said, reaching for them. But Erica had no intention of relinquishing them.

‘You should tell the police about this.’

Christian shook his head. ‘No, it’s probably just someone having fun at my expense.’

‘This doesn’t sound like a joke to me. And I can see that you don’t think it’s funny, either.’

‘That’s exactly what I said,’ Sanna interjected. ‘I think it’s really creepy, especially since we have children, and everything. What if there’s some mentally disturbed person who …’ She stared at Christian, and Erica could tell that it wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation. But he stubbornly shook his head again.

‘I don’t want to make a big deal out of it.’

‘When exactly did this whole thing begin?’

‘When you started writing the book,’ said Sanna, receiving a look of annoyance from her husband.

‘I guess that’s about right,’ he admitted. ‘A year and a half ago.’

‘Could there be some sort of connection? Did you put any real person or event in your book? Someone who might feel threatened because you wrote about them?’ Erica kept her eyes fixed steadily on Christian, who was looking extremely uncomfortable. It was obvious that he had no desire to discuss this topic.

‘No, it’s a work of fiction,’ he said, grimacing. ‘No one should be able to recognize themselves in my story. You’ve read the manuscript. Does it seem autobiographical to you?’

‘That’s not something that I would be able to tell,’ said Erica with a shrug. ‘But I know from my own experience that writers weave parts of their own lives into their manuscripts, whether consciously or not.’

‘Well, I didn’t!’ exclaimed Christian, pushing back his chair and standing up.

Realizing that it was time for her to leave, Erica tried to get up from the armchair. But her heavy body resisted her efforts, and all she could manage were a few grunts. Christian’s stern expression softened, and he reached out a helping hand.

‘It’s probably just some lunatic who heard that I was writing a book and started getting strange ideas about it. That’s all,’ he said, sounding calmer.

Erica doubted that was the whole truth, but her opinion was based more on a gut feeling than any concrete evidence. As she walked towards her car, she hoped Christian hadn’t noticed that were now only five letters in his desk drawer instead of six. She didn’t know what had made her take such a bold step, but if Christian wasn’t going to tell her the truth, then she was just going to have to find out more on her own. The tone of the letters was clearly threatening, and she was worried that her friend might be in danger.

‘Did you have to cancel any appointments?’ Erik nibbled on Cecilia’s nipple. She gasped as she stretched out on the bed in her flat. The beauty salon that she owned was within easy reach on the ground floor of the building.

‘You’d like that, wouldn’t you? To hear that I had to cancel clients in order to make room for you in my calendar. What makes you think you’re so important?’

‘What could be more important than this?’ He ran his tongue over her breast, and she pulled him down on top of her, unable to wait any longer.

Afterwards she lay next to him, her head resting on his arm. A few rough hairs tickled her cheek.

‘It was a bit strange, running into Louise yesterday. And you.’

‘Mmmm,’ replied Erik, dozing. He had no wish to discuss his wife or his marriage with his mistress.

‘I like Louise, you know,’ said Cecilia, playing with the hairs on his chest. ‘And if she knew …’

‘But she doesn’t,’ Erik snapped, propping himself up on his elbows. ‘And she’s never going to find out.’

Cecilia looked up at him, and he knew from experience exactly how this discussion was going to proceed.

‘Sooner or later she’ll have to know.’

Erik sighed to himself. Why did they always have to talk about the past and the future? He swung his legs over the side of the bed and began getting dressed.

‘Do you have to leave already?’ asked Cecilia. The hurt expression on her face annoyed him even more.

‘I’ve got a lot of work to do,’ he said curtly, buttoning his shirt. He had the smell of sex in his nostrils, but he would take a shower at the office. He always kept a change of clothes there, for just such occasions.

‘So this is the way it’s going to be?’ Cecilia was still lying on the bed, and Erik couldn’t help staring at her naked body. Her breasts were pointing upwards with big, dark nipples that were stiff from the cool temperature in the room. He made a quick calculation. He really didn’t need to hurry back to the office, and he wouldn’t mind having another go-round. It would take a bit of persuasion, so to speak, but the excitement that was already starting to build inside his body told him that it would be worth the effort. He sat down on the edge of the bed and softened his voice and expression as he caressed her cheek.

‘Cecilia,’ he said, and then he went on to speak words that rolled as easily from his lips as they had so many times before. When she pressed her body against his, he could feel her breasts through his shirt. He reached up and began unfastening the buttons.

After a late lunch at Källaren restaurant, Patrik parked his car in front of the low, white building, which would never win any sort of architectural prize, and entered the reception area of the Tanumshede police station.

‘You’ve got a visitor,’ Annika told him, peering over her reading glasses.

‘Who is it?’

‘I can’t say, but she’s a real looker. Maybe a bit on the plump side, but I think you’re going to like her.’

‘What on earth are you talking about?’ said Patrik, bewildered. He wondered why Annika suddenly seemed to have taken on the role of pimp for happily married colleagues.

‘You’ll just have to go and see for yourself. She’s waiting in your office,’ said Annika, giving him a wink.

Patrik went to his office and came to a halt in the doorway.

‘Hi, sweetheart,’ he said. ‘What are you doing here?’

Erica was sitting in the visitor’s chair in front of his desk, paging absentmindedly through an issue of the journal Police.

‘You’re certainly late getting back from lunch,’ she said, ignoring his question. ‘Is this what a busy day at police headquarters is like?’

Patrik merely snorted. He knew that Erica loved to tease him.

‘So, what are you doing here?’ he asked, sitting down in his desk chair. He leaned forward to study his wife more closely. Again he saw how beautiful she was. He thought about the first time she had visited him at the police station, in connection with the murder of her friend Alexandra Wijkner, and it seemed to him that she’d grown even lovelier since then. It was something that he occasionally forgot, caught up as he was in daily routines. One day followed another, filled with work, dropping Maja off at the day-care centre and then picking her up again, grocery shopping, and weary evenings spent on the sofa watching TV. But occasionally he was struck by how far from ordinary his love for Erica was. And now that she was sitting right here in front of him, with the winter sun shining through the window and lighting up her blonde hair, and with those two babies inside her stomach, the love he felt for her was so strong that it was enough to last an entire lifetime.

Patrik suddenly realized that he hadn’t heard what Erica said, so he asked her to repeat it.

‘I was just saying that I went over to see Christian this morning and have a talk with him.’

‘How’s he doing?’

‘He seemed okay, just a little shaky. But …’ She bit her lip.

‘But what? I thought he simply had a little too much to drink, on top of being nervous.’

‘Hmmm. Well, I don’t think that’s all of it.’ Erica took a plastic bag out of her purse and handed it to Patrik. ‘Yesterday that card was attached to a bouquet of flowers that was sent to him. And the letter is one of six that he’s received, starting about a year and a half ago.’

Patrik gave his wife a long look as he opened the bag.

‘I think it would be best if you read them without taking them out of the plastic. Christian and I have already touched them, but we don’t need to add any more fingerprints.’

Patrik looked at her again but did as she asked and read the text of the card and letter through the plastic.

‘What do you think it means?’ asked Erica, scooting forward to sit on the edge of her chair. But when it almost tipped over, she quickly had to redistribute her weight by moving back again.

‘Well, they both sound like threats, although they’re not very specific.’

‘Yes, that’s what I thought too. And that’s definitely Christian’s opinion, even though he kept trying to downplay the whole thing. He refused to show the letters to the police.’

‘Then how did …?’ Patrik held up the plastic bag.

‘Oh, er, I guess I just happened to take them by mistake. How silly of me.’ She tilted her head to one side and turned on the charm, but her husband wasn’t so easily fooled.

‘So you stole these from Christian?’

‘I don’t know if I’d use the word “stole”. I just borrowed them for a while.’

‘And what exactly do you want me to do about these … borrowed materials?’ asked Patrik, even though he knew full well what her answer would be.

‘Somebody is clearly threatening Christian, and he’s scared. I could tell when I saw him today. He’s taking these threats very seriously, so I don’t know why he won’t go to the police. But maybe you could discreetly examine the card and letter to see if you can find anything useful?’ Erica was using her most entreating tone of voice, and Patrik already knew that he would give in. Whenever she was in this sort of mood, it was impossible to deal with her, which was something he had learned the hard way.

‘Okay, okay,’ he said, holding his hands in the air. ‘I surrender. I’ll see if we can find out anything. But it’s not high on my list of priorities.’

Erica smiled. ‘Thanks, sweetheart.’

‘Now go on home and get some rest,’ said Patrik, but he couldn’t resist leaning forward to give her a kiss.

After she left, he found himself plucking aimlessly at the plastic bag holding the threatening messages. His brain felt sluggish and obstinate, but something was nonetheless starting to stir inside. Christian and Magnus were friends. Could there be …? Patrik immediately pushed the thought aside, but it kept coming back, and he glanced up at the photograph that was taped to the wall in front of him. Could there be a connection?

Bertil Mellberg pushed the pram as Leo sat inside, happy and contented as usual, and occasionally smiling to show the two lower teeth that had recently come in. Ernst had been left behind at the station today. Otherwise the dog usually walked beside the pram, making sure that nothing threatened what was fast becoming the most important person in his world. For Mellberg, Leo was already the centre of his universe.

Mellberg had never known that it was possible to have such strong feelings for anyone. Ever since he had been present at the baby’s birth and then been the first to hold the infant, he had felt as if Leo had his heart in an iron grip. It was true that Mellberg also felt great affection for Leo’s grandmother, but the tiny tyke was at the very top of the list of people who meant the most to Mellberg.

Reluctantly Mellberg steered the pram back towards the station. His colleague Paula was actually supposed to have taken care of Leo during lunch while her partner, Johanna, tended to some errands. But when Paula had to leave on a domestic violence call, to help a woman whose ex-husband was ‘beating the shit out of her’, Mellberg had quickly stepped in and volunteered to take the baby out for a walk. Now it was time to take him back. Mellberg was deeply jealous of Paula, who would soon be taking maternity leave. He wouldn’t have minded cutting back his own hours for a while so he could have more time to spend with Leo. In fact, that might not be such a bad idea. As a good boss, he should give his subordinates a chance to take more training courses. Besides, Leo needed a strong male role model right from the start. With two mothers and no father in sight, they should think about what would be best for the boy and see to it that he was given the opportunity to learn from a solid, real man. Like himself, for example.

Mellberg used his hip to prop open the heavy front door of the station and pulled the pram inside. Annika’s face lit up when she saw them, and Mellberg swelled with pride.

‘So, I see the two of you have been out for a little walk,’ said Annika, getting up to help Mellberg with the pram.

‘Yes, the girls needed some help with him,’ said Mellberg, as he carefully began removing the baby’s outer garments. Annika watched with amusement. Apparently the age of miracles wasn’t over.

‘Come on, sonny, let’s go see if your mother is here,’ prattled Mellberg as he lifted Leo out of the pram.

‘No, Paula’s not back yet,’ said Annika, sitting down at her desk again.

‘Oh, what a shame. Looks like you’re stuck with your old grandpa a little while longer,’ said Mellberg, sounding pleased as he headed for the kitchen, carrying Leo in his arms. When he had moved in with Rita a couple of months ago, the girls had suggested that he be called Grandpa Bertil. So now he seized every opportunity to use the name that gave him such joy. Grandpa Bertil.

It was Ludvig’s birthday, and Cia was trying to pretend that it was a completely ordinary birthday. He was thirteen. That was how many years it had been since she had given birth in the maternity ward and laughed at how ridiculously similar father and son were in appearance. But now it meant that deep down inside she had to admit she was having a hard time even looking at Ludvig. At his brown eyes with the touch of green in them and at his blond hair, which the sun, even in early summer, had bleached almost white. Ludvig’s physique and mannerisms were also so similar to Magnus’s. They were both tall and lanky, and when her son gave her a hug, his arms felt like her husband’s. Even their hands were similar.

With trembling fingers Cia wrote Ludvig’s name in icing on the layer cake. That was something else they had in common. Magnus was capable of eating an entire cake all on his own, and it was so unfair that he never gained an ounce. For Cia, all she had to do was look at a cinnamon roll and she’d put on a whole pound. But at the moment she was as thin as she’d always dreamed of being. Ever since Magnus had disappeared, the pounds had seemed to melt away. Every time she tried to eat something, the food practically swelled inside her mouth. And she had a lump in the pit of her stomach from the minute she woke up in the morning until she went to bed at night, falling into a uneasy sleep; that lump seemed to leave little room for food. Yet she cared less and less about her appearance. In fact, she barely glanced at herself in the mirror any more. What did it matter, now that Magnus was gone?

Sometimes she wished that he had died right before her eyes. Suffered a heart attack or been hit by a car. Anything at all, just so she would have known what happened to him and been able to arrange a funeral, settle his estate, and take care of all the other practical matters that were necessary when somebody died. Then maybe she could have felt the pain of grief, until it gradually faded away, leaving the dull ache of loss, mixed with lovely memories.

Right now she had nothing. She felt as if she were living in a huge void. He was gone, and there was nothing on which to pin her sorrow – no way for her to move on. She felt incapable of going back to work, but she didn’t know how long she could stay home on sick leave.

She looked down at the birthday cake. She’d made a real mess with the icing. It was impossible to read anything in the irregular swirls covering the marzipan on top. The sight seemed to sap her of all remaining strength. She sank to the floor, with her back leaning against the refrigerator and sobs rising up from inside, demanding to be let out.

‘Don’t cry, Mamma.’ Cia felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Magnus’s hand. No, it was Ludvig’s. Cia shook her head. She felt reality slipping away from her. She wanted to let it go so she could escape into the darkness that she knew awaited her. A beautiful, warm darkness that would envelop her for ever, if she let it. But through her tears she saw those brown eyes and that blond hair, and she knew that she couldn’t give up.

‘The cake,’ she sobbed, trying to get up. Ludvig helped her to her feet and then took the tube of icing out of her hand.

‘I’ll fix it, Mamma. Why don’t you go and lie down while I take care of the cake?’

He stroked her cheek. He was thirteen, but no longer a child. He was his father now. He was Magnus – her rock. She knew that she shouldn’t allow him to take on that role; he was still too young. But she didn’t have the energy to do anything else but trade roles with him.

She dried her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt while Ludvig got out a knife and carefully scraped off the lumpy icing from his birthday cake. The last thing Cia saw before she left the kitchen was her son concentrating hard to shape the first letter of his own name. L, as in Ludvig.




3


‘You’re my handsome little boy, do you know that?’ said Mother as she carefully combed his hair.

He merely nodded. Yes, he knew that. He was Mother’s handsome little boy. She’d said that over and over ever since he’d been allowed to come home with them, and he never grew tired of hearing it. Sometimes he thought about how things had been before. About the darkness, the loneliness. But all he had to do was take one look at the beautiful apparition who was now his mother, and everything else disappeared, slipped away, and dissolved. As if it had never existed.

He had just climbed out of the bath, and his mother wrapped him in the green robe with the yellow flowers.

‘Would my little darling like some ice cream?’

‘You’re spoiling him.’ Father’s voice came from the doorway.

He huddled inside the terry-cloth robe and pulled up the hood in order to hide from the harsh tone of the words that ricocheted off the bathroom tiles. Hiding from the blackness that rose up to the surface again.

‘All I’m saying is that you’re not doing him any favours by spoiling him like that.’

‘Are you implying that I don’t know how to raise our son?’ Mother’s eyes turned dark, bottomless. As if she wanted to obliterate Father by simply looking at him. And, as usual, her anger seemed to make Father’s own wrath melt away. He seemed to shrink and shrivel up. Becoming a little grey father.

‘You know best,’ he muttered and left, his eyes on the floor. Then they heard the sound of his footsteps fading and the front door quietly closing. Father was going out for a walk again.

‘We won’t pay him any mind,’ whispered Mother, pressing her lips close to his ear hidden under the green terry-cloth. ‘Because you and I love each other. It’s just you and me.’

He pressed close to her like a little animal and allowed her to comfort him.

‘Just you and me,’ he whispered.






‘I won’t! I don’t wanna!’ cried Maja, using up most of her scant vocabulary when Patrik desperately tried to leave her with Ewa, the day-care teacher, on Friday morning. His daughter clung to his trouser legs, howling, until finally he managed to prise her fingers loose, one after the other. His heart ached when she was carried off, still holding her arms out to him. Her tearful ‘Pappa!’ echoed in his head as he walked back to the car. For a long moment he just sat there, staring out the windscreen, holding the car keys in his hand. This had been going on for two months now, and it was no doubt Maja’s way of reacting to Erika’s pregnancy.

Patrik was the one who had to bear the brunt of this struggle every morning. He had actually volunteered for the job. It was just too hard for Erika to get Maja dressed and undressed. And squatting down to help the toddler tie her shoelaces was unthinkable. So there was really no other option. But the daily tussle was beginning to wear on Patrik’s nerves, since it started well before they even reached the day-care centre. As soon as it was time to get dressed in the morning, Maja would refuse to cooperate. Patrik was ashamed to admit that sometimes he got so frustrated that he would grab her a bit brusquely, making her scream at the top of her lungs. Afterwards he felt like the world’s worst parent.

Tiredly he rubbed his eyes, took a deep breath, and turned the key in the ignition. But instead of driving toward Tanumshede, he impulsively turned off and headed for the residential area beyond Kullen. He parked in front of the house belonging to the Kjellner family and, feeling a bit unsure of himself, walked up to the front door. He really should have notified them that he was coming, but it was too late now, since he was already here. He raised his hand and gave a sharp rap with his knuckles on the white-painted wooden door. A Christmas wreath was still hanging there; apparently no one had thought to take it down.

Not a sound came from inside the house, so Patrik knocked again. Maybe no one was home. But then he heard footsteps, and Cia opened the door. Her whole body froze when she saw him, and he hurried to shake his head.

‘No, that’s not why I’m here,’ he told her, and they both knew what he meant. Her shoulders slumped and she stepped aside to allow him to come in.

Patrik took off his shoes and hung his jacket on one of the few hooks that wasn’t already in use, holding coats and jackets belonging to the Kjellner kids.

‘I just thought I’d drop by for a chat,’ he said, suddenly uncertain as to how to present what amounted to little more than vague speculations.

Cia nodded and led the way to the kitchen, which was to the right of the entry. Patrik followed. He’d been here before on a couple of occasions. After Magnus disappeared, they had sat at the kitchen table and gone over everything again and again. He had asked Cia questions about things that should never have been disclosed, but such things had ceased to be private matters the minute Magnus Kjellner walked out the front door and didn’t return.

The house looked unchanged. Pleasant and ordinary, a bit untidy, with traces of messy kids everywhere. But the last time Patrik and Cia had sat here together, there had still been a sense of hope. Now resignation had settled over the entire house. Also over Cia.

‘There’s some cake left. It was Ludvig’s birthday yesterday,’ said Cia listlessly. She got up to take out a quarter of layer cake from the fridge. Patrik tried to protest, but Cia was already setting plates and forks on the table, and he realized that he would have to have cake for lunch today.

‘How old is he now?’ asked Patrik as he cut himself as thin a piece as seemed polite.

‘Thirteen,’ said Cia, with a hint of a smile on her face as she too served herself a small piece of cake. Patrik wished he could get her to eat more, considering how thin she’d become over the past few months.

‘That’s a great age. Or maybe not,’ he said, hearing how strained he sounded. The whipped cream from the cake seemed to swell in his mouth.

‘He’s so much like his father,’ said Cia, her fork clanging against her plate. She set it down and looked at Patrik. ‘What is it you want?’

He cleared his throat. ‘I may be really off base, but I know that you want us to do everything possible, so you’ll have to forgive me if –’

‘Just say what you need to say,’ Cia interrupted him.

‘All right. Well, there’s something that I’ve been wondering about. Magnus was friends with Christian Thydell, wasn’t he? How did they happen to meet?’

Cia looked at him in surprise, but she didn’t counter with any questions of her own. Instead she paused to think about what he’d asked.

‘I don’t really know. I think they met right after Christian moved here with Sanna. She’s a Fjällbacka girl, you know. That must be about seven years ago. Yes, that’s right, because Sanna got pregnant with Melker soon afterwards, and he’s five now. I remember we thought that happened rather fast.’

‘Was it through you and Sanna that they met?’

‘No, Sanna is ten years younger than me, so we were never really friends before. To be honest, I can’t actually recall how they ended up meeting. I just remember that Magnus suggested we should invite Christian and Sanna to dinner, and after that we all saw a lot of each other. Sanna and I don’t have much in common, but she’s a nice girl, and both Elin and Ludvig think it’s fun to play with the little boys. And I have a much better opinion of Christian than of Magnus’s other pals.’

‘And who might they be?’

‘His old childhood friends: Erik Lind and Kenneth Bengtsson. I’ve socialized with them and their wives, but only because Magnus wanted me to. They seem to be a very different sort of people, in my opinion.’

‘What about Magnus and Christian? Were they close friends?’

Cia smiled. ‘I don’t think Christian has any close friends. He’s a rather gloomy person, and it’s not easy to get to know him. But he was completely different around Magnus. My husband had that kind of effect on people. Everybody liked him. He made people relax.’ She swallowed hard, and Patrik realized that she had spoken of her husband in the past tense.

‘But why are you asking me about Christian? Don’t tell me something has happened to him,’ Cia added, sounding worried.

‘No, no. Nothing serious.’

‘I heard about what went on at his book launch. I was invited, but I would have felt strange going without Magnus. I hope Christian wasn’t offended because I didn’t show up.’

‘I can’t imagine that he’d feel that way,’ said Patrik. ‘But it seems that someone has been sending him threatening letters for more than a year now. I may be grabbing at straws, but I wanted to find out if Magnus had received anything similar. They knew each other, so there might be some kind of connection.’

‘Threatening letters?’ said Cia. ‘Don’t you think I would have told you about something like that? Why would I keep back any information that might help you find out what happened to Magnus?’ Her voice rose, taking on a shrill note.

‘I’m sure that you would have told us about it if you had known,’ Patrik hastened to interject. ‘But maybe Magnus didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to worry you.’

‘Then why would I be able to tell you anything about it?’

‘In my experience, wives can sense things even if their husbands don’t specifically talk about what’s bothering them. My wife can do that, at any rate.’

Cia smiled again. ‘You have a point there. And it’s true. I would have known if something was weighing on Magnus. But he was his usual carefree self. He was the world’s most stable and reliable person, almost always cheerful and upbeat. Sometimes I’ve found that annoying, and I have to admit to occasionally trying to provoke a negative reaction from him if I was feeling angry and upset. But I never succeeded. Magnus was the way he was. If something was bothering him, he would have told me about it. If for some reason he decided not to do that, I still would have noticed that something was wrong. He knew everything about me, and I knew everything about him. We had no secrets from each other.’ She spoke with great confidence, and Patrik could tell that she meant what she said. But he still had his doubts. It was impossible to know everything about another person. Even someone you loved and had chosen to share your life with.

He looked at Cia. ‘Please forgive me if I’m asking too much, but would you mind if I took a look around the house? Just to get a clearer picture of the kind of person Magnus was.’ Even though they had already been talking about Magnus as if he were dead, Patrik regretted the way he had formulated his last remark. But Cia didn’t comment. Instead, she motioned towards the doorway and said:

‘Look around as much as you like. I mean it. Do whatever you want, ask me any questions you can think of, as long as you find him.’ With an almost aggressive motion she wiped away a tear with the back of her hand.

Patrik sensed that she needed to be alone for a moment, so he seized the opportunity to get up and leave the room. He started his search in the living room. It looked much like the living room in thousands of other Swedish homes. A big, dark blue sofa from IKEA. Billy bookshelves with built-in lighting. A flat-screen TV on a stand made of the same light-coloured wood as the coffee table. Little knick-knacks and travel souvenirs; on the wall, photographs of the children. Patrik went over to a big, framed wedding picture hanging over the sofa. It was not a traditional, formal portrait. Magnus, wearing a morning coat, was lying on his side in the grass with his head propped on his hand. Cia stood behind him, wearing a frilly wedding dress. She had a big smile on her face, and one foot was planted solidly on top of Magnus.

‘Our parents just about died of fright when they saw that wedding picture,’ said Cia, and Patrik turned around to look at her.

‘It’s certainly rather … different.’ He glanced again at the photo. He’d met Magnus a few times since he’d moved to Fjällbacka, but had never exchanged more than the usual polite words of greeting with him. Now, as he stood here looking at the man’s open and happy expression, Patrik knew at once that he would have liked Magnus.

‘Is it okay if I go upstairs?’ asked Patrik. Cia nodded from where she stood in the doorway.

The wall of the stairwell was also covered with photographs, and Patrik paused to study them. They bore witness to a rich life that was focused on family and the ordinary joys. And it was obvious that Magnus Kjellner had been tremendously proud of his children. One picture, in particular, made Patrik’s stomach knot up. A holiday photo, showing a smiling Magnus standing between Elin and Ludvig, with his arms around both of them. His face was aglow with such happiness that Patrik couldn’t bear to look at it any longer. He turned away and continued up the stairs.

The first two rooms belonged to the kids. Ludvig’s was surprisingly neat, without any clothes tossed on the floor. The bed was made, and the pen holder and everything else on the desk had been meticulously arranged. The boy was clearly a big sports fan. Pinned up over the bed in the place of honour was a football jersey from the Swedish national team, autographed by Zlatan. Otherwise, photos of the IFK team from Göteborg dominated.

‘Ludvig and Magnus used to go to the games as often as they could.’

Patrik gave a start. Once again Cia’s voice had caught him by surprise. She seemed able to walk about without making a sound, because he hadn’t heard her come up the stairs.

‘Quite a tidy young boy.’

‘Yes, just like his father. Magnus did most of the picking up and cleaning here at home. I’m the messier one. If you have a look in the next room, you’ll see which of our children takes after me.’

Patrik opened the door to the next bedroom, in spite of the warning posted in big letters: KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING!

‘Yikes!’ said Patrik, taking a step back.

‘Yes, that’s the right word for it,’ sighed Cia, crossing her arms so as to stop herself from trying to clean up the mess. Because Elin’s room was indescribably messy. And pink.

‘I thought she’d grow out of her pink phase sooner or later, but instead it just seems to have escalated. Now it ranges from pale princess pink to a shocking neon.’

Patrik blinked his eyes. Was this how Maja’s room was going to look in a few years? And what if the twins turned out to be girls? He was going to drown in pink.

‘I’ve given up. I just ask that she keep the door closed so I don’t have to look at the chaos. I do a “sniff check” once in a while, to make sure that it doesn’t begin to smell like dead bodies in here.’ She was obviously startled by her own choice of words, but she kept on going. ‘Magnus couldn’t stand knowing what a mess things were in, but I persuaded him to leave her be. I was the same way as a kid, so I knew it would just lead to nothing but nagging and quarrels. In my case, I got neater as soon as I had my own flat, and I think the same thing will happen with Elin.’ She closed the door and pointed to the room at the end of the hall.

‘That’s our bedroom. I haven’t touched any of Magnus’s things.’

The first thing that Patrik noticed was that they had the same bed linen as he and Erica did. Blue-and-white check, bought at IKEA. Somehow that made him very uncomfortable. It made him feel vulnerable.

‘Magnus sleeps on the side next to the window.’

Patrik went over to his side of the bed. He would have preferred to look things over alone, in peace and quiet. Instead, it felt as if he were snooping around in things that were not his concern, and the feeling grew worse the longer Cia stood in the room staring at him. He had no idea what he was looking for. He just felt he needed to get closer to Magnus Kjellner, to see him as a real person, as flesh and blood, not merely a photograph on the wall in the police station. Patrik could still feel Cia’s eyes on his back, and finally he turned around to face her.

‘I hope you won’t be offended, but would you mind leaving while I have a look around?’ He sincerely hoped that she would understand.

‘I’m sorry. Of course,’ she said, smiling apologetically. ‘I realize it must be difficult to have me looking over your shoulder. I’ll go downstairs and take care of a few things, so you’ll have the place to yourself.’

‘Thanks,’ said Patrik. As soon as she left, he sat down on the edge of the bed and started with the bedside table. A pair of glasses, a stack of papers that turned out to be a copy of the manuscript of The Mermaid, an empty water glass, and a blister pack of paracetamol. That was all. Patrik pulled out the drawer and carefully studied what he found inside. Nothing of real interest. A paperback copy of Åsa Larsson’s detective novel Sun Storm, a little box containing ear plugs, and a package of cough drops.

Patrik got up and went over to the wardrobes that lined one entire wall of the bedroom. He laughed when he slid open the doors and instantly saw a clear example of what Cia had said about how her attitude towards neatness differed from that of her husband. The half of the wardrobe next to the window was a miracle of organization. Everything was carefully folded and arranged in wire baskets: socks, underwear, ties and belts. Above hung neatly pressed shirts and jackets along with polo shirts and T-shirts. T-shirts on hangers – the mere thought boggled Patrik’s mind. The most he ever did was to stuff his T-shirts into a drawer, only to curse the fact that they ended up looking so wrinkled when he put them on.

In that sense, Cia’s half of the wardrobe was more like his own method. Everything was haphazardly jumbled together, as if someone had simply opened the door and tossed everything inside before quickly shutting it again.

He closed the sliding doors and turned to look at the bed. There was something so heartbreaking and sad about a bed that had obviously only been slept in on one side. He wondered if anyone ever got used to sleeping in a double bed that was half empty. The thought of sleeping alone without Erica seemed impossible to him.

When Patrik went back down to the kitchen, Cia was putting away the plates they had used. She gave him an inquisitive look, and he said in a friendly tone of voice:

‘Thanks for letting me take a look around. I don’t know whether it will make any difference, but at least now I feel as if I know a little more about Magnus and who he was … is.’

‘That does make a difference. To me, anyway.’

Patrik said goodbye and left. He paused on the porch to look at the withered Christmas wreath hanging on the front door. After a moment’s hesitation, he lifted it off. Considering what an orderly person Magnus was, he probably wouldn’t have wanted to see that old wreath still there.

Both kids were screaming at the top of their lungs. The sound bounced off the walls in the kitchen, and Christian thought his head was going to explode. He hadn’t slept well for several nights in a row. Thoughts kept whirling through his mind, round and round, as if he needed to analyse every single thought before he could move on to the next one.

He had even been thinking of retreating to the boathouse to sit down and write. But the silence of the night and the darkness outside would have given his phantoms free rein, and he didn’t have the strength to drown them out with the sentences he constructed. So he’d stayed where he was, staring up at the ceiling while hopelessness descended on him from all directions.

‘Stop that right now!’ Sanna pulled the boys apart as they fought over a packet of O’Boy which had somehow ended up a little too close to them. Then she turned to Christian, who was sitting at the table and staring into space, his sandwich uneaten on the plate, and his coffee untouched in the cup.

‘It would be nice if you could help me out a little!’

‘I didn’t sleep well,’ he replied, taking a sip of the cold coffee. He got up and dumped the rest in the sink before pouring himself a fresh cup and adding a dash of milk.

‘I’m fully aware that you’ve got a lot on your mind right now, and you know that I’ve supported you the whole time when you were working on your book. But there’s a limit, even for me.’ Sanna pulled the spoon out of Nils’s hand just as he was about to use it to bang his older brother on the forehead. She tossed it with a clatter into the sink. Then she took a deep breath, as if mustering her courage before pouring out everything that she’d been holding inside. Christian wished that he could press a pause button to stop her before she spoke. He simply couldn’t take any more right now.

‘I never said a word whenever you went straight from work to the boathouse and sat there writing all evening. I picked up the kids from day-care, cooked dinner, made sure they were fed, tidied up in the house, got them to brush their teeth, read them a story, and then put them to bed. I did all of that without complaint while you devoted yourself to your fucking creative efforts!’

Sanna’s last words dripped with a sarcasm that Christian had never heard from her before. He closed his eyes and tried to shut out the criticism. But she went on relentlessly:

‘I think it’s fantastic that everything is going so well. That you got the book published, and that you seem to be a new star on the literary horizon. I think it’s great, and I don’t begrudge you any of it. But what about me? Where’s my place in all of this? Nobody sings my praises, nobody looks at me and says: “By God, Sanna, you’re amazing. Christian is a lucky man to have you.” That’s not something that even you say to me. You just take it for granted that I’ll slave away here at home, taking care of the kids and the house while you do what you “have to do”.’ She sketched two quotation marks in the air. ‘And it’s true. I do handle everything. And I gladly carry the load. You know how much I love taking care of the children, but that doesn’t make the burden any easier to bear. I’d at least like to receive a few words of thanks from you! Is that too much to ask?’

‘Sanna, I don’t think we should let the kids hear …’ Christian began, but he realized at once that it was the wrong thing to say.

‘Right. You always have some excuse for not talking to me, and not taking me seriously! You’re too tired, or you don’t have time because you need to work on your book, or you don’t want to discuss things in front of the kids, or, or, or …’

The boys didn’t make a peep as they stared with frightened eyes at their parents. Christian felt his weariness giving way to anger. This was one thing he detested about Sanna, and they’d discussed it many times before. She never hesitated to draw the children into their arguments. He knew that she was trying to make the boys her allies in the battle that had become more and more vociferous between them. But what could he do? He knew that all their problems were caused by the fact that he didn’t love her, and never had. And the fact that she knew this, even though she refused to admit it to herself. He had actually chosen her for that very reason – that she was someone he could never love. Not in the same way as …

He slammed his fist down on the table. Both Sanna and the boys jumped in surprise. His hand stung from the blow, which was exactly what he’d intended. Pain forced out everything else that he couldn’t allow himself to think about, and he felt that he was starting to regain control.

‘We’re not having this conversation right now,’ he said brusquely. Though he avoided looking Sanna in the eye, he could feel her gaze on his back as he headed for the front hall, put on his jacket and shoes, and went out the door. The last thing he heard before the door slammed shut was Sanna telling the boys that their father was an idiot.

The dreariness of it all was the worst part. Trying to fill the hours while the girls were in school with something that at least seemed to have an iota of meaning. It wasn’t that Louise had nothing to do. Ensuring that Erik’s life ran smoothly left no room for laziness. His shirts had to be hung up properly, laundered and pressed; dinners for his business associates had to be planned and successfully hosted; and the whole house had to shine. Of course they had someone who came in to clean once a week – and who was paid under the table – but there were still things that she needed to tend to herself. Millions of minor matters that needed to be handled impeccably so that Erik wouldn’t notice that any kind of effort had gone into making everything work as it should. But the problem was that it was all so boring. She had loved being home when the girls were little. Loved taking care of her young daughters. She didn’t even mind changing nappies, although Erik had never devoted a single second to that chore. But she hadn’t minded, because she had felt needed. She had a purpose. She had been at the centre of her children’s world, the person who got up in the morning before they did to make the sun shine.

But those days were long gone. The girls were in school. They spent their free time with friends and doing extracurricular activities. Nowadays they regarded her mostly as someone who was at their beck and call. Erik thought of her that way too. And to her sorrow, she was beginning to realize that they were all becoming insufferable. Erik compensated for his lack of involvement in his daughters’ lives by buying them everything they wanted, and his contempt for his wife was beginning to rub off on the girls.

Louise ran her hand over the kitchen counter. Italian marble, specially imported. Erik had chosen it himself, during one of his business trips. She didn’t really like it. Too cold and too hard. If she’d been allowed to choose, she would have selected something made of wood, perhaps a dark oak. She opened one of the shiny, smooth cupboard doors, which also had a cold appearance. More fashion than feeling. To go with the dark oak countertop that she would have preferred, she would have chosen white cupboard doors in a rustic style, hand-painted so that the brush strokes were visible and gave a certain life to the surface.

She cupped her hand around one of the big wine glasses. A wedding gift from Erik’s parents. Hand-blown, of course. At their wedding dinner, she’d been subjected to a lengthy lecture by Erik’s mother about the small but exclusive glass-blowing workshop in Denmark where they had specially ordered the expensive glasses.

Something snapped inside her, and her hand opened as if of its own accord. The glass shattered into a thousand pieces on the black pebble-tile floor. The floor was also from Italy, of course. That was one of many things that Erik had in common with his parents: anything Swedish was never good enough. The farther away the origin of something, the better. Just as long as it didn’t come from Taiwan. Louise sniggered, reached for another glass, and stepped over the shards on the floor, her feet clad in house slippers. Then she made a beeline for the boxed wine on the counter. Erik always ridiculed her boxed wine. For him, the only acceptable wine came in a bottle and cost hundreds of kronor. He would never dream of sullying his taste buds with wine that cost two hundred kronor per box. Sometimes, out of sheer spite, she would fill his glass with her wine instead of the snooty French or South African variety that was always accompanied by long-winded discourses on their particular characteristics. Strangely enough, it seemed that her cheap wine possessed the exact same qualities, since Erik never noticed the difference.

It was those sorts of minor acts of revenge that made her life bearable – the only way she was able to ignore the fact that he kept trying to turn the girls against her, treated her like shit, and was fucking a bloody hairdresser.

Louise held the glass under the tap of the wine box and filled it to the brim. Then she raised her glass in a toast to her own reflection, visible in the stainless steel door of the fridge.

Erica couldn’t stop thinking about the letters. She wandered through the house for a while, until a dull pain started up in the small of her back, forcing her to sit down at the kitchen table. She reached for a notepad and a pen that were lying on the table and began hastily jotting down what she could remember from the letters she’d seen at Christian’s house. She had a good memory for text, so she was almost positive that she’d managed to recreate what the letters had said.

She read through what she’d written over and over again, and with each reading the short sentences seemed to sound more and more threatening. Who would have cause to feel such anger towards Christian? Erica shook her head as she sat there at the table. It was impossible to tell whether a woman or a man had written those letters. But there was something about the tone and the way in which the views were expressed that made her think she was reading a woman’s hatred. Not a man’s.

Hesitantly she reached for the cordless phone, then drew back her hand. Maybe she was just being silly. But after re-reading the words she’d jotted down on the notepad, she grabbed the phone and punched in the mobile number she knew by heart.

‘This is Gaby,’ said the publishing director, picking up the phone on the first ring.

‘Hi, it’s Erica.’

‘Erica!’ Gaby’s shrill voice went up another octave, prompting Erica to move the receiver away from her ear. ‘How’s it going, dearie? No babies yet? You do know that twins usually arrive early, don’t you?’ It sounded as if Gaby were running.

‘No, the babies aren’t here yet,’ said Erica, trying to restrain her annoyance. She didn’t understand why everybody was always telling her that twins were usually born early. If that was the case, she’d find out soon enough. ‘I’m actually calling you about Christian.’

‘Oh, how is he?’ asked Gaby. ‘I tried ringing him several times, but his little wife just told me he wasn’t home, which I don’t believe for a minute. It was so awful, the way he passed out like that. He has his first book-signings tomorrow, and we really ought to let them know if we need to cancel, which would be terribly unfortunate.’

‘I went to see him, and I’m sure he’ll be fine to attend the book-signings. You don’t have to worry about that,’ said Erica, preparing to bring up the real topic she wanted to discuss. She took in as deep a breath as her highly constricted lung capacity would allow and said, ‘There’s something I wanted to talk to you about …’

‘Sure, fire away.’

‘Have you received anything at the publishing house that might concern Christian?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Er, well, I was just wondering if you’d received any letters or emails about Christian, or addressed to him. Anything that sounded threatening?’

‘Hate mail?’

Erica was starting to feel more and more like a child tattling on a classmate, but it was too late to back out now.

‘Yes. The thing is that Christian has been getting threatening letters for the past year and a half, pretty much ever since he started writing his book. And I can tell that he’s upset, even though he refuses to admit it. I thought that maybe something might have been sent to the publishing house too.’

‘I can’t believe what you’re telling me, but no, we haven’t seen anything like that. Is there a name on the letters? Does Christian know who they’re from?’ Gaby stumbled over her words, and the sound of her high heels clacking on the pavement was gone, so she must have stopped.

‘They’re all anonymous, and I don’t think Christian has any idea who sent them. But you know how he is. I’m not sure he’d tell anyone even if he did know. If it hadn’t been for Sanna, I wouldn’t have heard a word about it. Or about the fact that he collapsed at the party on Wednesday because the card attached to a bouquet of flowers delivered to him seemed to be from the same person who wrote the letters.’

‘That sounds totally insane! Does this have anything to do with his book?’

‘I asked Christian the same question. But he told me very firmly that no one would be able to able to recognize themselves in what he’s written.’

‘Well, this is certainly dreadful. You must let me know if you find out anything else, all right?’

‘Yes, I’ll try,’ said Erica. ‘And please don’t tell Christian that I said anything about all this.’

‘Of course not. It’s just between you and me. I’ll keep an eye on any correspondence we receive that’s addressed to Christian. We’ll probably be getting a few things now that the book is in the shops.’

‘Great reviews, by the way,’ said Erica, to change the subject.

‘Yes, it’s just wonderful!’ exclaimed Gaby with such enthusiasm that again Erica had to move the receiver away from her ear. ‘I’ve already heard Christian’s name mentioned in connection with the prestigious August Prize. Not to mention that we’ve printed ten thousand hardbacks that are on their way to the booksellers at this very minute.’

‘That’s incredible,’ said Erica, her heart leaping with pride. She of all people knew how hard Christian had worked on that manuscript, and she was tremendously pleased that his efforts seemed about to bear fruit.

‘It certainly is,’ chirped Gaby. ‘Dearie, I can’t talk any more right now. I’ve got to make a little phone call.’

There was something in Gaby’s last remark that made Erica uneasy. She should have stopped to consider the situation before phoning the publisher. She shouldn’t have allowed herself to get so worked up. As if to confirm her misgivings, one of the twins gave her a hard kick in the ribs.

It was such a strange sensation to be happy. Anna had gradually come to accept the feeling, and she was even starting to get used to it. But it had been a long time since she’d felt this way. If ever.

‘Give it back!’ Belinda came racing after Lisen, Dan’s youngest daughter, who hid behind Anna with a shriek. In her hand she was clutching her older sister’s hairbrush.

‘I didn’t say you could borrow it! Give it back!’

‘Anna …’ Lisen pleaded, but Anna pulled the child around to face her, keeping a light hold on her shoulder.

‘If you took Belinda’s brush without asking, you’ll have to give it back.’

‘See, I told you so!’ said Belinda.

Anna gave her a warning look.

‘As for you, Belinda – you don’t really need to go chasing your little sister through the whole house.’

Belinda shrugged. ‘It’s her own fault if she takes my things.’

‘Just wait until little brother is here,’ said Lisen. ‘He’ll break everything you own!’

‘I’m going to be moving out soon, so it’s your stuff he’s going to be wrecking!’ said Belinda, sticking out her tongue.

‘Hey, come on now. Are you eighteen or five?’ said Anna, but she couldn’t help laughing. ‘And why are the two of you so sure that it’s going to be a boy?’

‘Because Mamma says that if somebody has as big a rear end as you do, it’s bound to be a boy.’

‘Shhh,’ said Belinda, glaring at her sister, who couldn’t really understand what she’d said wrong. ‘Sorry,’ Belinda added.

‘That’s okay.’ Anna smiled, but she did feel slightly insulted. So Dan’s ex-wife thought she had a big rear end? But not even that sort of remark – and she had to admit there was some truth to it, after all – could put a damper on her good mood. She’d been to hell and back; that was no exaggeration. And her kids had too. Emma and Adrian, in spite of everything they’d been through, were now two very confident and happy children. Sometimes she could hardly believe it was true.




4


‘You’ll behave yourself when our guests arrive, won’t you?’ said his mother, giving him a solemn look.

He nodded. He would never dream of behaving badly and embarrassing his mother. He wanted nothing more than to please her so that she would keep on loving him.

The doorbell rang, and his mother stood up abruptly. ‘They’re here.’ He heard the anticipation in her voice, a tone that made him uneasy. Sometimes his mother changed into someone else after he heard the sound of that little bell vibrating between the walls in her bedroom. But that might not happen this time.

‘Can I take your coat?’ He heard his father’s voice downstairs in the front hall, along with the murmuring of their guests.

‘Go on ahead. I’ll be there in a minute.’ His mother motioned towards him with her hand, and he breathed in the scent of her perfume. She sat down at her dressing table to fix her hair and put the last touches on her make-up as she admired herself in the mirror. He stayed where he was, watching her with fascination. A furrow appeared between her brows as their eyes met in the mirror.

‘Didn’t I tell you to go downstairs?’ she said sharply, and he felt the darkness take hold of him for a moment.

Shamefaced, he bowed his head and headed for the murmur of voices in the front hall. He would behave himself. Mother wouldn’t have to be ashamed of him.






The cold air tore at his windpipe. He loved that feeling. Everybody thought he was crazy when he went out running in the middle of winter, but he preferred to put in his miles in the frosty weather rather than go out running in the oppressive heat of summer. And on weekends he made a point of running his route twice.

Kenneth cast an eye at his wristwatch. It held everything he needed to know to make the most of his run. It measured his pulse and counted the steps he took; it even kept track of the time from his last session.

His goal right now was to run in the Stockholm Marathon. He’d taken part twice before, and in the Copenhagen Marathon as well. He’d been running for twenty years, and if he had a choice, he’d prefer to die in the middle of a race, twenty or thirty years from now. Because the feeling he had when he ran, when his feet flew over the ground – rhythmically pounding at a steady pace that in the end seemed to merge with the beat of his heart – was like nothing else in the world. Even the fatigue, the numb sensation in his legs when the lactic acid built up, was something that he’d learned to appreciate more and more with each year that passed. He felt alive whenever he ran. That was the best way he could describe it.

As he drew close to home, he began slowing his pace. When he reached his front door, he jogged in place for a few moments and then held on to the railing to stretch out his thigh muscles. His breath formed a white cloud of ice crystals, and he felt strong and cleansed after running twelve miles at a relatively fast pace.

‘Is that you, Kenneth?’ He heard Lisbet’s voice from the guest room as the front door closed behind him.

‘Yes, it’s me, dear. I’m just going to take a quick shower, and then I’ll come and see you.’

He turned the tap until the water was steaming hot and then stood under the needle-like spray of the shower. This was practically the most pleasurable thing of all. It felt so good that it took a real effort for him to turn off the water. He shivered as he stepped out of the shower stall. The bathroom felt like an igloo in comparison.

‘Could you bring me the newspaper?’

‘Of course, love.’ Jeans, a T-shirt, and a sweater. He was ready. He stuck his bare feet into a pair of Crocs slippers that he’d bought last summer and went out to the letterbox. When he picked up the newspaper, he noticed a white envelope stuck in the bottom. He must have missed it yesterday. His stomach turned over at the sight of his name written in black ink. Not another one!

As soon as he was back inside, he tore open the envelope and pulled out the card inside. Standing in the front hall, he read what it said. The message was brief and strange.

Kenneth turned the card over to see if there was anything on the back. But there wasn’t. The only message was those two cryptic sentences.

‘What’s keeping you, Kenneth?’

Quickly he stuffed the note back in the envelope.

‘I was just checking on something. I’m coming now.’

He headed for her door, holding the newspaper in his hand. The white card with the elegant handwriting seemed to burn in his back pocket.

It was like a drug. Sanna had become dependent on the high it gave her to check his email, go through his pockets, and surreptitiously examine his phone bill. Every time she didn’t find anything, she felt her whole body relax. But that didn’t last long. Soon the anxiety would start building again, and with it the tension in her body, until all the logical arguments for why she should restrain herself ceased. Then she would sit down at the computer again. She entered Christian’s email address and password, which had been easy to crack. He used the same one every time. His birth date, so he would always remember it.

In reality, there was no reason for this feeling that kept tearing at her heart and clawing at her guts until all she wanted to do was scream. Christian had never done anything to give her cause to distrust him. During the years she’d been carrying on this surveillance of his correspondence, she had never once found the slightest trace of anything suspicious. He was an open book. And yet … Sometimes she had the feeling that he was somewhere else entirely, a place to which she was denied access. And why had he told her so little about his background? He’d said that his parents had died long ago, and she’d never had occasion to meet any of his other relatives, although surely he must have some. He didn’t seem to have any childhood friends either, and no old acquaintances had ever got in touch. It was almost as if he hadn’t existed at all until he met her and moved to Fjällbacka. She hadn’t even seen his flat in Göteborg when they first met. He’d gone there alone with the removal van to pick up his few belongings.

Sanna ran her eyes over the messages in his inbox. A couple of emails from the publisher, several newspapers wanting interviews, some news from the local municipality having to do with his job at the library. That was all.

This time the feeling of relief was just as glorious as ever when she logged out of his account. Before turning off the computer, she did a routine scan of his web browser history, but there was nothing unusual. Christian had checked out the websites for the newspapers Expressen and Aftonbladet, as well as his publisher’s home page. He’d also looked at a new child’s car seat online.

But there was still the issue of the letters. He had insisted that he didn’t know who had sent those cryptic messages to him. Yet there was something in his tone of voice that contradicted his claim. Sanna couldn’t really put her finger on what it might be, and it was driving her nuts. What wasn’t he telling her? Who had sent those letters? Was it a woman who had once been his lover? Or someone who was his mistress now?

She clenched and unclenched her hands, forcing herself to breathe calmly. The temporary sense of relief had already vanished, and she tried in vain to convince herself that everything was as it should be. Reassurance. That was the only thing she desired. She just wanted to know that Christian loved her.

But deep inside she knew that he had never belonged to her. That he had always been searching for something else, someone else, during all the years they had lived together. She knew that he had never loved her. Not really. And one day he would find the person that he wanted to be with, the one he actually loved, and then she would be all alone.

Sanna wrapped her arms around herself for a moment as she sat on the desk chair. Then she got up. Christian’s mobile bill had arrived with the post yesterday. It would take her only a minute to peruse it.

Erica walked aimlessly through the house. This eternal waiting was going to drive her crazy. She’d finished writing her latest book, but she didn’t have the energy to start on a new project right now. And she couldn’t do much in the house without her back and joints protesting. She spent her time reading or watching TV. Or she did what she was doing now – wandering around the house out of sheer frustration. At least today was Saturday, and Patrik was home. He’d gone out with Maja for a short walk so she’d get some fresh air. Erica was counting the minutes until they returned.

When the doorbell rang, her heart nearly skipped a beat. Before she managed to respond, the door was thrown open, and Anna came into the front hall.

‘Are you practically going out of your mind too?’ she said, taking off her scarf and jacket.

‘How’d you guess?’ said Erica, suddenly feeling much more cheerful.

They went into the kitchen, and Anna set a steaming bag on the counter. ‘Freshly baked buns. Belinda did the baking.’

‘Really?’ said Erica, trying to picture Anna’s eldest stepdaughter wearing an apron and kneading dough with her black-painted fingernails.

‘She’s in love,’ said Anna, as if that explained everything. Which, in fact, it actually did.

‘Well, I can’t recall it ever having that sort of effect on me,’ said Erica, putting the buns on a plate.

‘Apparently he told her yesterday that he likes girls who are the domestic type.’ Anna raised one eyebrow and gave Erica a knowing look.

‘Oh, is that right?’

Anna laughed as she reached for one of the buns. ‘Hey, calm down, you don’t have to go over to his house and give him a thrashing. I’ve met the boy, and believe me, within a week Belinda is going to get tired of him and go back to her black-clad losers who play in obscure rock bands and don’t give a shit whether she’s the domestic type or not.’

‘Let’s hope so. But I have to say that these buns aren’t bad.’ Erica closed her eyes as she chewed. In her present condition, freshly baked buns was as close as she was going to get to an orgasm.

‘Well, the one advantage to how we look at the moment is that we can stuff ourselves with as many buns as we like,’ said Anna, taking a bite of her second one.

‘Sure, but we’ll have to pay for it later on,’ replied Erica, although she couldn’t help following her sister’s example by taking another bun. Belinda really seemed to have a natural talent for baking.

‘With twins, you’ll soon lose all that weight and more!’ laughed Anna.

‘You’re probably right.’ Erica found herself thinking about something else, and her sister seemed to guess what it was.

‘Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. Besides, you’re not alone this time. You have me to keep you company. We can move two armchairs next to each other in front of the TV and watch Oprah as we nurse the babies all day long.’

‘And take turns ordering takeaway for dinner when our husbands come home.’

‘Sure. You’ll see. Everything’s going to be great.’ Anna licked her fingers and leaned back with a groan. ‘Ow, I think I ate too much.’ She propped her swollen feet up on the chair next to her and clasped her hands over her belly. ‘Have you talked to Christian?’

‘Yep. I was over there on Thursday.’ Erica followed Anna’s example and propped her feet on a chair too. Only one bun remained on the plate, and it was practically shouting at her. After a brief battle, she reached for it.

‘So what exactly happened?’

Erica hesitated for a moment, but she wasn’t used to keeping secrets from her sister, so in the end she told Anna everything about the letters and their menacing tone.

‘Wow, that’s horrible,’ said Anna, shaking her head. ‘I think it’s odd that he started getting them even before his book was published. It would have seemed more logical if they arrived after he attracted attention in the media. I mean, they seem to be from someone who’s a little cuckoo.’

‘I agree. It does sound like that. Christian refuses to take them seriously. At least that’s what he told me. But I could tell that Sanna was upset.’

‘I can believe it,’ said Anna, licking her index finger and then dabbing up the sugar left on the plate.

‘Today he has his first book-signings,’ said Erica, unable to keep a trace of pride out of her voice. In many ways she felt that she’d contributed to Christian’s success, and through him she was reliving her own debut as an author. Those first book-signings. That was a huge deal. Really huge.

‘That’s great. Where are they going to be held?’

‘First at the Böcker och Blad bookshop in Torp, then at Bokia in Uddevalla.’

‘I hope some people actually turn up. It would be depressing if he had to sit there all alone,’ said Anna.

Erica grimaced at the thought of her own first signing, at a bookshop in Stockholm. She’d sat there for a whole hour, trying to look unconcerned while all the customers walked past as if she didn’t exist.

‘There’s been so much PR about his book that I’m sure people will come – out of curiosity if nothing else,’ said Erica, hoping that she was right.

‘Well, it’s just lucky that the newspapers haven’t got word of those threatening letters,’ said Anna.

‘Yeah, you’re right about that,’ replied Erica, and then changed the subject. But the uneasy feeling in her chest refused to leave her.




5


They were going on holiday, and he could hardly wait. He wasn’t really sure what it entailed, but the word sounded so promising. Holiday. And they would be taking the caravan that was parked outside.

He was never allowed to play in it. A few times he’d tried to peek through the windows, to see what was behind the brown curtains. But he could never actually see anything, and the caravan was always locked. Now the door stood wide open, so as to ‘give it a proper airing out’, as Mother said, and a bunch of cushions had been put in the washing machine to rid them of the smell of winter.

Everything seemed so unreal, like a fairy-tale adventure. He wondered if he’d be permitted to sit inside the caravan as they drove, like travelling inside a little house on wheels, headed for something new and unfamiliar. But he didn’t dare ask. Mother had been in a strange mood lately. That sharp, fierce tone in her voice was clearly audible, and Father had been taking more frequent walks, whenever he wasn’t hiding behind his newspaper.

Sometimes he’d noticed her staring at him oddly. There was something different about the way she looked at him, and it frightened him, even taking him back to the darkness that he’d left behind.

‘Are you just going to stand there gaping, or were you thinking of helping me out?’ Mother had her hands on her hips.

He gave a start when he heard once again that harsh tone and ran over to her.

‘Take these and put them in the laundry room,’ she said, tossing some foul-smelling blankets at him with such force that he almost lost his footing.

‘Yes, Mother,’ he said, and hurried into the house.

If only he knew what he’d done wrong. He always obeyed his mother. Never talked back, behaved properly, and never got his clothes dirty. Yet it was as if sometimes she couldn’t bear to look at him.

He’d tried to ask his father about this. Mustered his courage on one of the few occasions when they were alone and asked him why Mother didn’t like him any more. For a moment Father had put aside the newspaper to reply curtly that he was being foolish and he didn’t want to hear talk of such things again. Mother would be terribly sad if she ever heard him say that. He should be grateful that he had a mother like her.

He didn’t ask any more questions. Making his mother sad was the last thing he wanted to do. He just wished that she would be happy and that she would stroke his hair like she used to and call him her handsome little boy. That was all he wanted.

He put the blankets down in front of the washing machine and pushed aside all his gloomy, dark thoughts. They were going on holiday. In the caravan.






Christian drummed his pen on the top of the small table where he was sitting. Next to him was a big stack of copies of The Mermaid. He still couldn’t get enough of looking at the book. It seemed so unreal that his name was actually on the cover. The cover of a real book.

There wasn’t yet any rush to buy copies, and he didn’t think there would be. It was only authors like Liza Marklund and Jan Guillou who attracted large crowds. He was perfectly happy with the five copies that he’d signed so far.

Although he had to admit that he did feel a bit lost as he sat there. People hurried past, giving him curious looks, but they didn’t stop. He wasn’t sure whether he should say ‘Hello’ when he felt them staring at him or just pretend that he was busy with something else.

Gunnel, the owner of the bookshop, came to his rescue. She walked over and nodded at the stack of books.

‘Would you mind signing a few of those? It’s so nice to have signed copies to sell later.’

‘Sure. How many should I sign?’ asked Christian, happy to have something to do.

‘Hmm. Let’s say ten,’ replied Gunnel, straightening the stack, which had got a bit crooked.

‘That’s no problem.’

‘We did a proper amount of advertising for the book-signing,’ said Gunnel.

‘I have no doubt that you did,’ Christian told her with a smile. He could see that she was concerned he would think the meagre turnout could be blamed on the shop’s lack of PR for the event. ‘I’m not exactly a household name, so I didn’t have very high expectations.’

‘At least we’ve sold a few copies,’ she said kindly, heading back to the checkout counter.

He reached for a book, removed the cap on his pen, and began signing. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that someone was standing in front of the table. When he looked up, he found a big, yellow microphone thrust in his face.

‘We’re here in the bookshop where Christian Thydell is signing his first novel, The Mermaid. Christian, your name is all over the newspaper placards today. How worried are you about the threats that have been levelled against you? Have the police been brought in?’

The reporter hadn’t yet introduced himself, but judging by the label on the microphone, he was from the local radio station. He was peering at Christian with an urgent expression on his face.

Christian felt his mind go blank. ‘The newspaper placards?’ he said.

‘Yes, you’re on GT’s placard. Haven’t you seen it?’ The reporter didn’t wait for Christian to reply but just repeated the question he’d asked initially. ‘Are you worried about the threats? Have the police provided special protection for you today?’

The reporter glanced around the shop, but then turned back to Christian, who was holding his pen above the book he’d been just about to sign.

‘I don’t know how –’ he stammered.

‘But it’s true, isn’t it? You’ve received threats while you were writing the book, and you passed out on Wednesday when another letter was delivered to you at the book launch.’

‘Er, yes, well …’ Christian could feel himself gasping for air.

‘Do you know who sent the threats? Do the police know?’ The microphone was again only about an inch from Christian’s mouth, and he had to restrain himself from shoving it away. He didn’t want to answer these questions. He had no idea how the press had found out about any of this. He thought about the letter in his jacket pocket. The letter that had come yesterday and that he’d managed to retrieve from the stack of post before Sanna discovered it.

Panic-stricken, he looked for some way to escape. He caught Gunnel’s eye, and she seemed to realize at once that something was wrong.

She came over to them and asked, ‘What’s going on here?’

‘I’m doing an interview,’ said the reporter.

‘Have you asked Christian whether he wants to be interviewed?’ She glanced at Christian, who shook his head.

‘He’s not interested.’ She fixed her eyes on the reporter, who had lowered the microphone. ‘And besides, Christian is busy. He’s signing books for our shop. So I’m going to ask you to leave him alone.’

‘Yes, but …’ the radio reporter began. Then he stopped. He pressed one of the buttons on his recording equipment. ‘We were unable to do a short interview because …’

‘Get lost,’ said Gunnel, and Christian couldn’t help grinning.

‘Thanks,’ he said after the reporter had left.

‘What was that all about? He seemed really determined.’

Christian’s feeling of relief that the reporter was gone quickly faded, and he swallowed hard before saying:

‘He claimed that my name was on the GT placard. I’ve received a few threatening letters, and apparently the press found out about it.’

‘Oh my.’ Gunnel looked first upset and then worried. ‘Would you like me to go out and buy you a copy of the newspaper so you can see what they wrote?’

‘Would you do that?’ he said, his heart pounding.

‘Sure, I’ll be right back.’ She gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder and left.

Christian sat motionless for a moment, staring into space. Then he picked up his pen and began writing his signature in the books as Gunnel had requested. After a while he realized he needed to go to the toilet. Since there were still no customers heading for his table, he didn’t think a brief absence would be noticed.

He hurried through the employees’ break room at the back of the bookshop. A few minutes later he was already on his way back to his post. He sat down at the table. Gunnel hadn’t yet returned with the newspaper, but he was steeling himself for what was to come.

Christian reached for his pen, but then looked with surprise at the books he was supposed to sign. Had he really left them lying on the table like that? They didn’t look the same as when he’d dashed off to the toilet, and he thought that maybe someone had taken the opportunity to swipe a copy while he was gone. Yet the stack didn’t look any smaller, so he decided he was just imagining things. He picked up the top copy and opened it to write a greeting to the reader.

The page was no longer blank. And the handwriting was all too familiar. She had been here.

Gunnel was coming towards him with the newspaper, and he saw a big picture of himself on the front page. He knew what the article would say. The past was about to catch up with him. She would never give up.

‘Good Lord, do you realize how much money you went through the last time you were in Göteborg?’ Erik was holding the credit-card bill in his hand, staring at the figures.

‘I think it must have been about ten thousand kronor,’ said Louise as she calmly continued to paint her nails.

‘Ten thousand! How is it possible to spend ten thousand on a single shopping trip?’ Erik waved the bill in the air and then tossed it on the kitchen table in front of him.

‘If I’d bought the purse I was thinking of getting, it would have been closer to thirty thousand,’ she said, studying with satisfaction the pink colour of her nails.

‘You’re out of your fucking mind!’ He picked up the bill again and stared at it, as if sheer force of will might be able to change the total amount due.

‘You mean we can’t afford it?’ asked his wife, looking at him with a sly smile on her lips.

‘It’s not a question of whether we can afford it or not. It has to do with the fact that I work around the clock making money, which you then squander on … idiotic purchases.’

‘Oh, right. I do nothing at all at home during the day,’ said Louise, getting to her feet as she fluttered her hands to make the nail polish dry faster. ‘I just sit here, eating sweets and watching soap operas all day long. And you’ve been raising the girls all on your own without any help from me, right? You’ve changed their nappies, fed them, bathed them, driven them wherever they needed to go, and kept the whole house neat and clean. Is that what you mean?’ She swept out of the room without giving him another glance.

This was a conversation that they’d had hundreds of times before. And no doubt they’d have it hundreds of time again, if nothing drastic happened. They were like two well-rehearsed dancers who knew all the steps and were able to carry themselves with consummate elegance.

‘This is one of the finds that I made in Göteborg. Nice, isn’t it?’ She was back, holding a leather jacket that she’d taken from a hanger in the front hall. ‘It was on sale, reduced to only four thousand.’ She held it up, then hung it back in the hall and went upstairs.

Presumably neither of them was going to win the argument this time either. They were equal adversaries, and every single row they’d had over the years had ended in a tie. Ironically enough, it might have actually been better if one of them had been weaker than the other. Then their unhappy marriage could have come to an end.

‘Next time I’m going to cut up your credit card!’ he yelled after her. The girls were at a friend’s house, so there was no reason to keep his voice down.

‘As long as you continue to spend money on your mistresses, you’re not going to do a damn thing with my card. Do you think you’re the only one who pays attention to the details on credit-card bills?’

Erik swore. He knew that he should have changed his mailing address so that the bills were sent to his office instead. He couldn’t deny that he was a generous man when it came to anyone who happened to have the joy and the honour of sleeping with him. He swore again and stuck his feet in his shoes. He realized that, in spite of everything, Louise had won this round. And she knew it.

‘I’m going out to buy the evening paper,’ he shouted, and then slammed the door after him.

Gravel flew in all directions as he roared off in his BMW, and his pulse didn’t slow until he had almost reached the village. If only he’d been smart enough to demand a prenuptial agreement. Then Louise would be nothing more than a bad memory by this time. But back then, they had been poor students, and when he brought up the subject a few years ago, she had merely laughed in his face. Now he refused to let her get away with half of everything that he’d built up, what he’d fought and slaved for. Never! He pounded his fist on the steering wheel but calmed down as he turned into the car park of the Konsum supermarket.

It was Louise’s job to do the grocery shopping, so he moved quickly past the shelves stocked with food items. As he headed towards the stand holding newspapers, which was right next to the checkout counters, he came to an abrupt halt in mid-stride. Big, black type on the placards screamed at him: Rising-star author Christian Thydell fears for his life! And in smaller type: Collapsed during book launch party after receiving threatening letter!

Erik had to force his feet to go closer. It felt as if he were trying to walk through deep water. He picked up a copy of GT and with trembling fingers leafed through the paper until he found the right page. When he finished reading the article, he dashed for the exit. He hadn’t even paid for the paper, and from somewhere far away he heard the clerk shouting at him. But he kept on running. He had to get home.

‘How the hell did the newspapers find out about this?’

Patrik and Maja had been out buying groceries, and now Patrik flung a copy of GT on the table before he went on putting food away in the refrigerator. Maja had climbed up on a kitchen chair and was eagerly helping him unload the shopping bags.

‘Er …’ was all Erica could say.

Patrik stopped what he was doing. He knew his wife well enough to be able to decipher what her reticence signified.

‘What did you do, Erica?’ He was holding a tub of Lätt & Lagom margarine in his hand as he looked her in the eye.

‘I think it must have leaked out because of me.’

‘How did that happen? Who did you talk to?’

Now even Maja was aware of the tension in the kitchen. She sat on the chair, staring at her mother. Erica gulped and then told him. ‘Gaby.’

‘Gaby!’ Patrik nearly choked. ‘You told Gaby? You might as well have rung up GT yourself.’

‘I didn’t think that –’

‘No, I’m quite certain you didn’t. What does Christian say about all this?’ asked Patrik, pointing at the blaring headlines.

‘I don’t know,’ said Erica. She felt her insides tie themselves in knots whenever she thought about how Christian would react.

‘As a police officer, I have to tell you that this is the worst thing that could have happened. This kind of attention will not only incite the person who sent those letters, but new letter-writers as well.’

‘Don’t yell at me. I know it was a dumb thing to do.’ Erica could feel the tears rising. She cried easily even under normal circumstances, and all the raging hormones of her pregnancy didn’t make things any better. ‘I just wasn’t thinking. I phoned Gaby to find out whether they’d received any threatening letters at the publishing house, and I knew instantly that it was stupid to tell her anything about it. But by then it was too late.’

Patrik handed Erica a tissue and then put his arms around her, stroking her hair. He whispered in her ear:

‘Don’t be upset, sweetheart. I’m sorry I yelled. I know that you didn’t mean for this to happen. Hush now …’ He rocked her in his arms until her sobs began to fade.

‘I never thought that she would …’

‘I know, I know. But she’s a different sort of person than you are. And you need to learn that not everybody thinks the same way.’ He held her at arm’s length and looked at her.

Erica dried her eyes on the tissue he’d given her.

‘What should I do now?’

‘You need to talk to Christian. Apologize and explain.’

‘But I can’t …’

‘Don’t argue. It’s the only solution.’

‘You’re right,’ said Erica. ‘But I have to say, I’m dreading it. And I’m going to have a serious talk with Gaby.’

‘Above all, you need to stop and think next time before you say anything, and consider who you’re talking to. Gaby’s top priority is her publishing company, and the rest of you come second. That’s just the way it is.’

‘Okay, okay, I know that. You don’t need to harp on it.’ Erica glared at her husband.

‘We’ll leave it at that, then,’ said Patrik, and he went back to putting away the groceries.

‘Have you had a chance to take a closer look at the letters?’

‘No, I haven’t had a spare moment,’ said Patrik.

‘But you’ll do it, won’t you?’ Erica persisted.

Patrik nodded as he started cutting up vegetables for dinner.

‘Sure, of course I will. But it would be easier if Christian were cooperating. Then I could have a look at the other letters too.’

‘So talk to him about it. Maybe you can persuade him.’

‘Then he’ll realize that you’re the one who told me about it.’

‘And I’ve hung him out to dry in one of Sweden’s biggest newspapers, so you’d better watch out, because he’s probably still wishing that I’d go to hell.’

‘It won’t be that bad.’

‘If I were in his shoes, I’d never speak to me again.’

‘Stop being so dramatic and pessimistic,’ said Patrik, lifting Maja on to the counter so she could sit there and see what he was doing. She loved to watch him cook and always wanted to ‘help out’. ‘Go over to see him tomorrow and explain what happened. Tell him it was never your intention for things to get out like this. Then I’ll have a talk with him and try to get him to cooperate with us.’ He handed Maja a slice of cucumber, which she instantly started gnawing on, using the few but very sharp teeth she had.

‘Tomorrow? Okay,’ sighed Erica.

‘Yes, tomorrow,’ said Patrik, bending down to give his wife a kiss on the lips.

Ludvig found himself constantly casting glances at the side of the football pitch. It just wasn’t the same without his father.

He had been to every practice session, no matter what the weather. Football was their thing. It was the reason their friendship had lasted, in spite of Ludvig’s determination to break free of his parents. Because they had actually been friends, he and his father. Of course they’d quarrelled now and then, just like all fathers and sons. But in spite of it, they had still remained friends.

Ludvig closed his eyes, picturing his father in his mind. Wearing jeans and a woollen sweater with ‘Fjällbacka’ across the chest. It was the sweater he’d worn so often, to his wife’s regret. His hands stuffed in his pockets and his eyes fixed on the ball. And on Ludvig. But he never yelled at his son – not like the other fathers who turned up at practice and football matches, spending their time screaming from the sidelines. ‘You better bloody well pull yourself together, Oscar!’ or ‘Damn it, get moving, Danne!’ Nothing like that. Not from his father. All he ever said was: ‘Good, Ludvig!’ ‘Great pass!’ ‘You show them, Ludde!’

Out of the corner of his eye Ludvig saw that the ball was about to be passed to him, and he automatically kicked it onward. He no longer took any joy in playing football. But he still did his best, running hard and fighting to win in spite of the winter chill. He could have easily thrown in the towel and given up. Stayed away from practice, saying to hell with it and the whole team. No one would have blamed him; everyone would have understood. Except his father. Giving up had never been an option for him.

So here Ludvig was. One of the team. But all his joy was missing, and the sideline was empty. His father was gone. He knew that now. Father was gone.




6


He wasn’t allowed to ride in the caravan. And that was only the first of many disappointments during the so-called holiday. Nothing turned out the way he had hoped. The silence, broken only by harsh words, seemed even more oppressive when it didn’t have a whole house to move around in. Being on holiday felt like having more time for quarrels, more time for Mother’s outbursts. And Father seemed even smaller and greyer.

This was the first time he went along, but as he understood it, every year Mother and Father would take the caravan to the place with the peculiar name. Fjällbacka. The name meant ‘Mountain Hill’ in Swedish, but he saw no mountains and only a few hills. The ground was completely flat in the camping area where they parked the caravan, squeezed in among scores of other campers. He wasn’t sure that he liked it. But Father had explained that Mother’s family was from the area, and that was why she wanted to go there.

But that was strange too, because he didn’t meet any relatives. During one of the arguments inside the cramped space of the caravan, he finally understood that someone called the Old Bitch lived here, and that she was what his mother meant by ‘family’. What a funny name that was. The Old Bitch. But it didn’t sound as if his mother cared much for her, because her voice got even harsher when she talked about the woman, and they never did see her. So why did they have to come to this place at all?

Yet what he hated most about Fjällbacka and being on holiday was having to go swimming. He’d never swum in the sea before. At first he wasn’t sure what to think. But his mother admonished him. Said she refused to have a wimp for a son, and she told him to stop whining. So he took a deep breath and timidly waded into the frigid water, even though the feeling of cold and salt on his legs made him gasp for air. When the water reached up to his waist, he stopped. It was too cold, he couldn’t breathe. And he could feel something moving around his feet, touching the calves of his legs, something creeping and crawling over him. Mother waded out to him from shore, laughing, and then took his hand to lead him further out. All of a sudden he felt happy. She was holding his hand, and her laughter bounced off the surface of the water and off of him too. His feet now seemed to move of their own accord, as if they left the sandy bottom and were floating. At last he couldn’t feel anything solid under his feet, but that didn’t matter, because Mother had hold of him, she was carrying him, she loved him.

Then she let go. He felt the palm of her hand slide over his, then her fingers slipped past his fingertips until not only his feet but his hands were fumbling with nothingness. Again he felt the cold pressing against his chest, and the water seemed to rise up. It reached his shoulders, his neck, and he raised his chin to prevent the water from reaching his mouth, but it rose too fast, and he couldn’t stop it. His mouth filled with salt and cold, which raced down his throat, and the water kept rising – over his cheeks, his eyes, and he felt the water close like a lid over his head, until all sound vanished and the only thing he heard was the roar of what was crawling and creeping.

He flailed his arms, lashing out at whatever it was that wanted to pull him downward. But he was no match for the massive wave of water, and when he finally felt someone’s skin against his own, a hand on his arm, his first instinct was to defend himself. Then he was yanked upward, and the top of his head surfaced. The first breath was brutal and painful, then he greedily gasped for air. Mother had a tight grip on his arm, but that didn’t matter. Because the water was no longer trying to get him.

He looked up at her, grateful that she had rescued him, that she hadn’t let him disappear. But what he saw in her eyes was contempt. Somehow he’d done something wrong, he had disappointed her again. If only he knew why.

He had black and blue marks on his arm for days afterward.






‘Did you really have to drag me over here today?’ It was rare for Kenneth to let his annoyance show. He believed in staying calm and focused in every situation. But Lisbet had looked so sad when he told her that Erik had phoned and he’d have to go over to the office for a couple of hours even though it was Sunday. She hadn’t complained, and in a sense, that just made it worse. She knew how few hours they had left together. How important they were, how precious. And yet she offered no objections. Instead, he saw how she summoned the strength to be able to smile and say: ‘Of course you have to go. I’ll be fine.’

He almost wished that she had got angry and screamed at him. Told him that it was about time for him to get his priorities straight. But she didn’t have it in her to do anything like that. He couldn’t recall a single occasion in their twenty-year marriage when she had raised her voice to him. Or to anyone else, for that matter. She had accepted all setbacks and sorrows with equanimity, and she’d even comforted him when he was the one to break down. Whenever he lacked the energy to carry on, she had mustered enough strength for both of them.

Now he’d left her at home because he needed to go to work. He was going to waste a few precious hours they could have spent together, and he hated himself because he always came running whenever Erik snapped his fingers. He couldn’t understand why. It was a pattern that had been established so early on that by now it was practically part of his personality. And Lisbet was always the one who had to suffer for it.

Erik didn’t even bother to answer his question. He just kept staring at the computer screen, as if he were in another world.

‘Was it really necessary for me to come in today?’ Kenneth repeated. ‘On a Sunday? Couldn’t it wait until tomorrow?’

Erik slowly turned to face Kenneth.

‘I have the utmost respect for your personal situation,’ he said at last. ‘But if we don’t take care of all the arrangements before the bidding this week, we might as well pack up the whole company. We all have to make sacrifices.’

Kenneth silently wondered what sort of sacrifices Erik ever made. And nothing was as dire as Erik was predicting. He could have easily put together the documents on Monday. His claim that the company was on the verge of ruin was pure exaggeration. Most likely Erik merely needed a pretext to get out of the house. But why had he felt compelled to drag Kenneth over here too? The answer was obvious: because he could.

Then they each returned to their respective tasks and worked in silence for a while. The office consisted of one large room, so there was no possibility of closing a door for some privacy. Kenneth cast a surreptitious glance at Erik. There was something different about him. It was hard to pinpoint, but Erik looked somehow less distinct, more worn out. His hair was not as perfectly combed as usual, and his shirt was slightly wrinkled. No, he was not himself today. Kenneth considered asking him if everything was okay at home, but he restrained himself. Instead he said as calmly as he could:

‘Did you see the news about Christian yesterday?’

Erik gave a start. ‘Yes.’

‘How terrible. To be threatened like that by some nutcase,’ said Kenneth, his tone of voice casual, almost easygoing. But his heart was pounding hard.

‘Hmm …’ Erik kept his eyes on the computer screen. But he didn’t touch the keyboard or the mouse.

‘Did Christian mention anything about that to you?’ It was like trying to make himself stop picking at a scab. He didn’t want to talk about this topic, and Erik clearly didn’t want to discuss it either. Yet Kenneth couldn’t stop himself. ‘Did he?’

‘No, he never told me about any sort of threats,’ said Erik, beginning to sort through the documents on his desk. ‘But he’s been really preoccupied with his book, so we haven’t seen much of each other lately. And I suppose most people would prefer to keep something like that to themselves.’

‘Shouldn’t he talk to the police about it?’

‘How do you know that Christian hasn’t already done that?’ Erik continued aimlessly riffling through the piles of documents.

‘True. That’s very true …’ Kenneth subsided into silence for a moment. ‘But what could the police do if the letters were anonymous? I mean, they could have come from any lunatic.’

‘How would I know?’ said Erik, swearing as he got a paper cut. ‘Shit!’ He sucked on the injured finger.

‘Do you think the threats are serious?’

Erik sighed. ‘Why do we have to speculate about all this? I told you, I have no idea.’ His voice rose slightly, quavering on the last words. Kenneth looked at him in surprise. Erik really was not himself. Did it have something to do with the company?

Kenneth had never trusted Erik. Had he done something stupid? He instantly dismissed the idea. He was much too familiar with the firm’s accounts; he would have noticed if Erik had decided to make any crazy moves financially. It was probably something to do with Louise. It was a mystery how those two had managed to stay together for so long. Everyone except Erik and Louise could see that the couple would do themselves a big favour if they said goodbye and went their separate ways. But it wasn’t Kenneth’s place to point this out. He had enough worries of his own.

‘I was just wondering,’ said Kenneth.

He clicked open the Excel file with the latest monthly statements. But his thoughts were somewhere else entirely.

The dress still smelled of her. Christian pressed it to his nose, inhaling the microscopic traces of her perfume that were embedded in the fabric. Whenever he fell asleep with the scent in his nostrils, he could picture her quite clearly in his mind. The dark hair that reached to her waist and which she usually wore in a plait or gathered in a bun at the back of her neck. It could have looked old-fashioned or even spinsterish, but not on her.

She had moved like a dancer, although she had abandoned her career as a dancer long ago. She claimed that she hadn’t been ambitious enough. Not because of lack of talent, but she hadn’t had the determination required always to put dance first, to sacrifice love and time and laughter and friends. She had loved life too much.

So she’d stopped dancing. But when they met, and right up until the end, she’d still had the lithe rhythm of a dancer in her body. He could sit and stare at her for hours. Watch her walking around the house, cleaning up and humming while her feet moved so gracefully that she looked like she was floating.

Again he pressed the dress to his face. How refreshing and cool the fabric felt against his feverishly hot skin, catching on the unshaven stubble of his cheek. The last time she had worn the dress was on Midsummer Eve. The blue of the dress had mirrored the colour of her eyes, and the dark plait hanging down her back had gleamed as brightly as the lustrous fabric.

It was a fabulous evening. One of the few Midsummers that had offered glorious sunshine, and they’d sat outside in the yard, eating herring and boiled new potatoes. They had cooked the meal together. The baby was lying in the pram, with the mosquito netting firmly in place so that no insects could get in. The child was well protected.

The baby’s name fluttered past, and he gave a start, as if he’d jabbed his hand on something sharp. He forced himself to think about the frosty beer glasses and the friends who had raised those glasses in a toast, in honour of summer and love and the two of them. He thought about the strawberries that she brought out in a big bowl. Remembered how she had sat at the kitchen table, cleaning them, and how he had teased her because of the mess she’d made and the fact that every third or fourth strawberry had ended up in her mouth instead of in the bowl. The serving bowl that would later be presented to their guests, along with whipped cream topped with a sprinkling of sugar, just the way she’d been taught by her grandmother. She’d responded to his teasing with a laugh, then pulled him close and kissed him with lips that tasted of ripe berries.

He began to sob as he sat there holding the dress in his hands. He couldn’t help it. Little dark spots appeared on the material from his tears, which he quickly wiped away on the sleeve of his shirt, not wanting to soil the dress, refusing to ruin what little he had left.

Christian carefully put the dress back in the suitcase. It was all that remained of them. The only thing he could bear to keep. He closed up the suitcase and pushed it back in the corner. He didn’t want Sanna to find it. His stomach turned over at the mere thought of her opening it, looking inside, and touching the dress. He knew it was wrong, but he had chosen Sanna for only one reason: the fact that she was completely different in appearance. She didn’t have lips that tasted of strawberries, and she didn’t move like a dancer.

But it turned out not to be enough. The past had still caught up with him. Just as malevolently as it had caught up with her, wearing that blue dress. And now he could see no way out.

‘Could you watch Leo for a while?’ Paula was looking at her mother, Rita, but then she cast an even more hopeful glance at Mellberg. Soon after their son’s birth, both she and Johanna had realized that Rita’s new boyfriend was the perfect babysitter. Mellberg was totally incapable of saying no.

‘Well, we were actually about to …’ Rita began, but Mellberg jumped in and said eagerly:

‘No problem. We’ll be happy to take care of the little fellow. The two of you should just go off and do whatever you were planning to do.’

Rita sighed in resignation, but she couldn’t resist casting a look of appreciation at this man – a diamond in the rough, and that was putting it mildly – whom she’d chosen to live with. She knew that many people regarded him as a boor, an unkempt and brash sort of man. But from the very beginning she’d seen other qualities in him, qualities that she as a woman should be able to encourage.

And she was right. Bertil Mellberg treated her like a queen. It was enough for Rita to see him looking at her grandson to know what hidden resources he possessed. His love for the infant was beyond comprehension. The only problem was that she had swiftly been demoted to second place, but she could live with that. Besides, she’d begun making progress with Bertil on the dance floor. He’d never be a salsa king, but she no longer had to make sure to wear shoes with steel toes.

‘If you wouldn’t mind taking care of him on your own for a while, maybe Mamma could come with us. We were thinking of driving out to Torp to buy a few things for Leo’s room.’

‘Hand him over,’ said Bertil enthusiastically, motioning at the baby lying in Paula’s arms. ‘We can manage for a couple of hours. A bottle or two when he gets hungry, and then a little quality time spent with Grandpa Bertil. What more could the boy ask for?’

Paula put her son in Mellberg’s arms. Good lord, what an odd couple those two made. But she couldn’t deny that there was a special connection between them. Even though, in her eyes, Bertil Mellberg was the worst boss she could imagine, he’d shown himself to be the world’s best grandfather.

‘So you’re sure you’ll be all right?’ asked Rita, a bit uneasy. Even though Bertil often helped out with Leo, his experience of caring for babies was limited, to say the least. His own son, Simon, was already a teenager by the time he made an appearance in Mellberg’s life.

‘Of course I’m sure,’ said Bertil, sounding offended. ‘Eat, shit, sleep. How hard could it be? I’ve been doing exactly the same things for almost sixty years.’ He more or less shoved the women out of the flat and then closed the door behind them. Now they’d have some peace and quiet, he and Leo.

Two hours later he was completely soaked with sweat. Leo was crying at the top of his lungs, and the smell of dirty nappies had settled over the living room like a fog. Grandpa Bertil was desperately trying to lull the baby to sleep, but Leo just cried louder and louder. Mellberg’s hair, which was usually combed over into a neat nest on top of his head, had tumbled down over his right ear, and he could feel the sweat spreading under his arms in patches as big as platters.

He was close to panicking, and he cast a sidelong glance at his mobile phone lying on the coffee table. Should he ring the girls? They were probably still in Torp, and it would take them a good forty-five minutes to drive home, even if they started out at once. And if he phoned for help, they might not dare leave him alone with their son again. No, he was going to have to find a way to cope on his own. He’d wrestled with quite a few ugly customers in his day. He’d also had to fire his weapon in the line of duty, and deal with demented junkies wielding knives. So he should be able to handle this situation. After all, Leo wasn’t any bigger than a loaf of bread, even though he had a voice loud enough for a grown man.

‘Okay, now, my boy, first we need to analyse the situation,’ said Mellberg, putting down the furious baby. ‘Let’s see. Looks like you’ve made a mess in your nappy. And you’re probably hungry. In other words, we’ve got a crisis at both ends. It’s just a matter of which one to prioritize.’ Mellberg was talking loudly, in order to drown out the screaming. ‘Okay, eating always comes first – at least, for me it does. So let’s find you a big bottle of formula.’

Bertil lifted Leo up and carried him into the kitchen. He’d been given detailed instructions on how to make the formula and, using the microwave, it took no time at all. He carefully tested the temperature by sucking a little from the bottle himself.

‘Hmmm, doesn’t really taste of much, my boy. But you’ll just have to wait for the good stuff until you’re a bit older.’

Leo screamed even louder at the sight of the bottle, so Bertil sat down at the kitchen table and nestled the infant in his left arm. When the nipple touched Leo’s lips, he began greedily sucking the formula into his stomach. He finished off the whole bottle in a flash, and Mellberg could feel the tiny body relaxing. But soon the boy began squirming again, and the odour was now so strong that Mellberg couldn’t stand it any longer. The only problem was that changing nappies wasn’t a task that he’d managed very successfully so far.

‘All right, now we’ve satisfied one end. Let’s go take care of the other,’ he said in a sprightly tone of voice that didn’t correspond in the slightest to his true feelings about the job.

Mellberg carried the whimpering Leo into the bathroom. He’d helped the girls fasten a changing table to the wall, and there he found everything he needed for Operation Dirty Nappy.

He placed the infant on the table and pulled off his pants, trying to breathe through his mouth, but it didn’t help much because the smell was so overwhelming. Mellberg loosened the tape on the nappy and just about fainted when the whole mess in all its stinky glory appeared before his eyes.

‘Dear Jesus,’ he muttered. He glanced around in desperation and caught sight of a package of wet wipes. When he reached for them, letting go of the baby’s legs, Leo took the opportunity to bury his feet in the dirty nappy.

‘No, no, don’t do that,’ said Mellberg, grabbing a whole fistful of wipes to dry off the baby’s bottom and feet. But all he managed to do was smear the shit around until he realized that he needed to remove the cause of the problem. He lifted Leo by his legs and coaxed out the nappy, which he then dropped into the rubbish bin standing on the floor, unable to stop the grimace that appeared on his face.

Having used up half the package of wipes, he finally saw a light at the end of the tunnel. The worst of the mess had been cleaned up, and Leo had calmed down. Mellberg carefully wiped away the last of it and took a new nappy from the shelf above the changing table.

‘All right then. We’re just about done here,’ he said with satisfaction as Leo kicked his legs, seeming pleased with the chance to air out his bare bottom. ‘I wonder which way this goes on.’ Mellberg twisted and turned the nappy, deciding at last that the little animal pictures must go in the back, like the label on a piece of clothing. It didn’t seem to fit very well, and the tape didn’t close properly. How could it be so hard to make a proper nappy? It was lucky that he was such an efficient person who regarded a problem as a challenge.

Mellberg lifted Leo up, carried him back to the kitchen, and held him against his shoulder as he rummaged in the bottom drawer under the counter. There he found what he was looking for. A roll of tape. He went into the living room, placed Leo on the sofa, and wrapped tape several times around the nappy. Then he sat back to admire his handiwork.

‘Okay now. The girls were worried that I wouldn’t be able to take care of you. What do you say, Leo? Don’t you think we’ve earned the right to take a little snooze?’

Bertil picked up the now well-taped baby and held him in his arms as he settled himself in a comfortable position on the sofa. Leo rooted around a bit before burrowing his face in the hollow of the police chief’s neck.

When the women in their lives came home half an hour later, they were both sound asleep.

‘Is Christian at home? Erica would have liked nothing better than to turn and run when Sanna opened the door. But Patrik was right. She had no choice.

‘Yes, but he’s up in the attic. I’ll call him.’ Sanna turned towards the stairs. ‘Christian! You have a visitor!’ she shouted and then looked again at Erica. ‘Come on in. He’ll be down in a minute.’

‘Thanks.’ Erica felt awkward standing there in the front hall next to Sanna, but soon they heard footsteps on the stairs. When Christian came into view, she noticed how worn out he looked, and the guilt she was feeling grew even worse.

‘Hi,’ he said, looking a bit puzzled to see her so soon, but he came to give her a hug.

‘There’s something I need to talk to you about,’ said Erica, feeling again an urge to turn on her heel and dash out the door.

‘Really? Well, come on in,’ said Christian, motioning towards the living room. She took off her coat and shoes and followed after him.

‘Would you like something to drink?’

‘No, thanks.’ She shook her head. All she wanted was to get this whole thing over with.

‘How did the book-signings go?’ she asked, sitting down at one end of the living-room sofa. She sank deep into the cushions.

‘Fine,’ said Christian in a tone of voice that did not invite further questions. ‘Did you see the newspaper yesterday?’ he asked instead. His face was a pallid grey in the winter light filtering through the window.

‘Yes, and that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.’ Erica paused to muster her courage to go on. One of the twins gave her a hard kick in the ribs, and she gasped.

‘Are the babies kicking?’

‘You can say that again.’ She took a deep breath and went on. ‘It’s my fault that the story got leaked to the press.’

‘What do you mean?’ Christian sat up straighter.

‘I wasn’t the one who tipped them off,’ she hurried to explain. ‘But I was stupid enough to mention it to the wrong person.’ She didn’t dare meet Christian’s eyes. Instead, she looked down at her hands.

‘You mean Gaby?’ said Christian wearily. ‘But didn’t you realize that she would –’

Erica interrupted him. ‘Patrik said the exact same thing. And you’re both right. I should have known not to trust her, that she would view it as an opportunity to get some publicity. I feel like a real fool. I shouldn’t have been so naive.’

‘Well, there’s not much to be done about it now,’ said Christian.

His resigned attitude made Erica feel even worse. She almost wished that he would yell at her. That would have been preferable to looking at the tired and disappointed expression on his face.

‘I’m sorry, Christian. I’m so sorry about all this.’

‘Let’s just hope that she was right, in any case.’

‘Who?’

‘Gaby. Then at least I’ll sell more books as a result.’

‘I don’t understand how anyone can be so cynical. To throw you to the wolves like that just because it might be good for business.’

‘She didn’t get to be as successful as she is today by trying to be everybody’s friend.’

‘But still. It can’t be worth it.’ Erica was filled with remorse about what she’d done, even though she’d acted in good faith. For the life of her, she couldn’t understand how anyone with a conscience could behave the way Gaby had done. And all for the sake of making a profit.

‘I’m sure it will blow over,’ said Christian, but he didn’t sound convinced.

‘Were you hounded by reporters today?’ Erica shifted her position, trying to get more comfortable. No matter how she sat, it felt like one or another of her internal organs was getting pinched.

‘After the first phone call yesterday, I switched off my mobile. I’m not planning to give them any more fuel for the fire.’

‘So what about …’ Erica hesitated. ‘Have you received any more threats? I know that you have no reason to trust me after all this, but believe me when I say that I’ve learned my lesson.’

Christian seemed to shut down. He looked out of the window, as if deciding what to say. When he did answer, his voice sounded weak and exhausted.

‘I don’t want to dwell on that. It’s been blown way out of proportion.’

There was a crash upstairs, and a child started crying, loud and shrill. Christian made no move to get up, but Erica heard Sanna dashing upstairs.

‘Do the children get along?’ Erica asked, motioning towards the room overhead.

‘Not really. My older son doesn’t like competition. I suppose that’s a good way to describe the problem.’ Christian smiled.

‘Most people have a tendency to focus a little too much on the first child right after the birth,’ replied Erica.

‘You’re probably right,’ said Christian, his smile disappearing. He had a strange look on his face, and Erica couldn’t really decipher what it might mean. Upstairs, both boys were now crying, joined by Sanna’s angry scolding.

‘You need to talk to the police,’ said Erica. ‘I’m sure you realize that I mentioned the matter to Patrik, and I don’t regret doing so. He thinks you should definitely take this whole thing seriously, and the first step is to report it to the police. You could start by just going to see him – unofficially, if you like.’ She could hear that she sounded like she was pleading with him, but the letters had really upset her, and she had the feeling that Christian felt the same way.

‘I don’t want to talk about this any more,’ he said, getting up. ‘I know you didn’t mean for things to turn out the way they did after you talked to Gaby. But you need to respect the fact that I don’t want to make a big deal out of this.’

The screams overhead had now gone up several decibels, and Christian headed for the stairs.

‘You’ll have to excuse me, but I need to go and help Sanna before the boys kill each other. You can find your way out, can’t you?’ Then he rushed off without saying goodbye, and Erica had the distinct impression that he was glad to escape.




7


Weren’t they ever going back home? The caravan seemed to get smaller with every day that passed, and he’d already explored every corner of the camping area. Maybe once they were home they’d start to like him again. Here it felt as if he didn’t exist at all.

Father sat around solving crossword puzzles, and Mother was ill. At least, that was the explanation he’d received when he tried to go in and see her. She spent the days inside the caravan’s cramped sleeping area. And she hadn’t gone swimming with him again. Even though he couldn’t forget the terror or the feeling of something wriggling past his feet, he would have preferred that to being constantly banished from the caravan.

‘Mother is ill. Go out and play.’

So he would take off, filling the hours of the day on his own. At first the other children at the campground tried to play with him, but he wasn’t interested. If he wasn’t allowed to be with his mother, then he didn’t want to be with anybody.

When she didn’t get better, he started to worry more and more. Sometimes he’d hear her throwing up. And she looked so pale. What if it was something serious? What if she too was going to die and leave him behind? Just like his mamma did.

The mere thought made him want to crawl into a corner and hide. Shut his eyes tight, so tight that the darkness couldn’t grab hold of him. He refused to think about that. His beautiful mother could not die. Not her too.

He’d found a special place for himself. Up on the slope, with a view of the campground and the water. If he craned his neck, he could even see the roof of their caravan. That’s where he now spent his days, in the one place where he was left in peace. Up there he could make the hours fly by.

Father wanted to go home too. He’d heard him say that. But Mother refused. ‘I’m not going to give the Old Bitch that satisfaction,’ Mother said as she lay on the bunk, looking pale and thinner than usual. She wanted the Old Bitch to know that they’d been here all summer, as usual, though they hadn’t visited her even once. No, they weren’t going home. She’d rather die than leave early.

There was no further discussion. Once Mother had decided something, that was how it had to be. Each day he went out to his special place and sat there with his arms wrapped around his knees as all sorts of thoughts and fantasies raced through his mind.

If only they could go back home, then everything would be the way it used to be. He was sure of it.






‘Don’t run off too far, Rocky!’ Göte Persson shouted, but the dog wasn’t listening, as usual. Göte just managed to catch a glimpse of the golden retriever’s tail before Rocky turned left and disappeared behind a boulder. Göte tried to pick up the pace, but his right leg made that impossible. Since his stroke, his leg had a hard time keeping up with the rest of his body, and yet he still considered himself lucky. The doctors had given him very little hope of ever being able to move much on his own again because his entire right side had been affected. But they hadn’t counted on how stubborn a man he was. Thanks to his God-given tenacity and his physiotherapist, who had pushed him as if he were training for the Olympics, he’d gained greater mobility for every week that passed. Occasionally he’d suffered setbacks, and he had to admit that several times he’d been close to giving up. But he had soldiered on, continually making progress that brought him closer to his goal.

By now he was taking daily one-hour walks with Rocky. He walked slowly, and with a noticeable limp, but he kept on going. They went out no matter what the weather, and each yard forward was a victory.

The dog had come back into view. He was on the beach now, sniffing about near the Sälvik swimming area and glancing up once in a while to make sure his master hadn’t got lost. Göte took the opportunity to pause and catch his breath. For the hundredth time he put his hand in his pocket to touch the mobile phone he’d brought along. Yes, it was still there. Just to make sure, he took it out and checked to see that it was switched on and that he hadn’t accidentally turned off the ringer. He didn’t want to miss a call, but no one had tried to phone him. Impatiently he stuffed the mobile back in his pocket.

He knew it was ridiculous to check the phone every five minutes. They’d promised to ring when they left for the hospital. His first grandchild. His daughter Ina was almost two weeks past her due date, and Göte couldn’t understand how she and her husband could stay so calm. To be honest, he’d heard a trace of annoyance in his daughter’s voice when he’d called for the tenth time that day to ask if anything was happening yet. But he seemed to be considerably more concerned than they were. He’d spent the better part of the last few nights wide awake, staring alternately at the alarm clock and his mobile phone. These kinds of things tended to happen in the middle of the night. And what if he was sleeping too soundly to hear when they called?

He yawned. The night-time vigils had started to take their toll on him. So many emotions had been stirred up inside him when Ina and Jesper announced that they were expecting a child. They’d told him a couple of days after he collapsed and was rushed by ambulance to the hospital in Uddevalla. They had actually planned on waiting to tell him, since it was so early in Ina’s pregnancy, and they’d only just found out themselves. But no one had thought that Göte would survive. They weren’t even sure that he could hear them as he lay in the hospital bed, hooked up to all sorts of tubes and machines.

But he did hear them; he’d heard every single word. And the news had given his stubborn nature something to hold on to. Something to live for. He was going to be a grandfather. His only daughter, the light of his life, was going to have a baby. How could he miss such an important occasion? He knew that Britt-Marie was waiting for him, and he actually wouldn’t have minded letting go of life so he could see her again. He had missed her every day, every minute since she died and left him and Ina on their own. But he was needed now, as he explained to Britt-Marie, telling her that he couldn’t join her yet because their daughter needed him here.

Britt-Marie understood. As he knew she would. He had regained consciousness, waking from the sleep that had been so different and in many ways so enticing. He had climbed out of bed, and every step he’d taken since then was for the sake of the little grandson or granddaughter. He had so much to give, and he was planning to use every extra minute of life he’d been granted to spoil his grandchild. Ina and Jesper could protest as much as they liked. It was a grandfather’s prerogative.

The mobile phone in his pocket rang shrilly, making him jump and tearing him away from his thoughts. Eagerly he pulled out the phone, almost dropping it on the ground. He looked at the display. His shoulders sagged with disappointment when he saw the name of a good friend. He didn’t dare answer. He didn’t want his daughter to get a busy signal if she rang.

He couldn’t see Rocky any more, so he put the mobile back in his pocket and limped towards the spot where he’d last seen the dog. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the flash of something bright, and he turned his head to look at the water.

‘Rocky!’ he shouted, alarm evident in his voice. The dog had wandered out on to the ice. He was almost twenty yards out, standing there with his head lowered. When he heard Göte yelling, he started barking wildly and pawing at the ice. Göte held his breath. If it had been a bitterly cold winter, he wouldn’t have been so concerned. Many times, usually just after New Year’s, he and Britt-Marie had packed sandwiches and a thermos of coffee and walked across the ice to one of the nearby islands. But this year the water had alternately frozen and thawed, and he knew the ice wasn’t to be trusted.

‘Rocky!’ he shouted again. ‘Come here!’ He tried to sound as stern as he could, but the dog ignored him.

Göte now had only one thought in his head. He couldn’t lose Rocky. The dog would die if he fell through the ice and landed in the frigid water, and Göte simply couldn’t bear for that to happen. They’d been companions for ten years, and in his mind he had pictured so many scenes of his future grandchild playing with the dog. He just couldn’t imagine being without Rocky.

He walked along the shoreline, then put out one foot to test the ice. Thousands of hairline cracks instantly appeared on the surface, but the ice held. Apparently it was thick enough to bear his weight, so he headed towards Rocky, who was still barking and pawing at the ice.

‘Come here, boy,’ coaxed Göte, but the dog stayed where he was, refusing to budge.

The ice felt more solid here than near the shoreline, but Göte still decided to minimize the risk by lying down on his stomach. With an effort he dropped down and then stretched out, trying to ignore the cold that pierced right through him even though he was bundled up in his winter clothes.

It was difficult to move forward on his stomach. His feet kept slipping when he tried to get some traction, and he wished that he’d been a little less vain and had worn shoes with cleats. That was what every sensible retiree did in Sweden when it was slippery outside.

He glanced about and discovered two sticks that he might be able to use instead. He managed to drag himself over to them and then began using them as improvised ice cleats. Now it was easier, and inch by inch he made his way towards the dog. Occasionally he tried calling Rocky again, but the dog was so interested in whatever he had found that he refused to take his eyes off it even for a second.

When Göte had almost reached Rocky, he heard the ice start to crack and protest under his weight. He allowed himself to think how ironic it would be if he’d spent months and months regaining his mobility, only to fall through the ice at Sälvik and drown. But the ice continued to hold, and he was now so close that he could stretch out his hand to touch Rocky’s fur.

‘Okay, boy, you shouldn’t be out here,’ he said soothingly, sliding forward a little more in an attempt to grab the dog’s collar. He had no idea how he was going to drag both himself and an intractable dog back to shore. But somehow he would manage.

‘Now what’s so interesting out here, anyway?’ He grabbed Rocky’s collar. Then he looked down.

At that moment his mobile rang in his pocket.

As usual, it was hard to get anything done on a Monday morning. Patrik was sitting at his desk with his feet propped up on the edge. He was staring at a photo of Magnus Kjellner, as if willing the man to reveal where he was. Or rather, where his remains were.

Patrik was also worried about Christian. He pulled out the right-hand desk drawer and took out the little plastic bag containing the letter and card. He would have liked to send both to the lab for analysis to look for fingerprints. But there was so little to go on, and nothing specific had happened yet. Not even Erica, who unlike Patrik had read all the letters, could say for sure that someone was intending to harm Christian. But her gut told her he was in danger. And Patrik felt the same way. They both sensed something malevolent in the words. He had to smile at himself. What a word to choose. Malevolent. Not a very scientific description. But the letters seemed to convey an intent to do harm. That was the best way he could describe it. And that feeling made him very uneasy.

He’d discussed things with Erica when she came back from visiting Christian. He had wanted to go over there and have a talk with him too, but Erica had dissuaded him. She didn’t think Christian would be receptive to the idea, and she asked Patrik to wait until the newspaper headlines had calmed down a bit. He had agreed. But now that he sat in his office staring at the elegant handwriting, he wondered whether he’d made the right decision.

He gave a start when the phone rang.

‘Patrik Hedström,’ he said. He put the plastic bag back in the desk drawer, which he then closed. Suddenly he froze. ‘Excuse me? What?’ He listened tensely, and as soon as he put down the phone, he went into action. He made several quick calls before dashing out into the hall and knocking on Mellberg’s door. He went right in, without waiting for an answer, and woke up both the master and his dog.

‘What the devil …’ Mellberg hauled himself upright from his slumped position in his office chair and stared at Patrik.

‘Didn’t you ever learn to knock before entering?’ The police chief straightened his comb-over. ‘Well? Can’t you see that I’m busy? What do you want?’

‘I think we’ve found Magnus Kjellner.’

Mellberg sat up straighter. ‘Is that right? So where is he? On an island in the Caribbean?’

‘Not exactly. He’s under the ice. Off of Sälvik.’

‘Under the ice?’

Ernst could sense the tension in the air, and he pricked up his ears.

‘An old man who was out there with his dog just called to report finding a body. Of course we can’t be sure that it’s Magnus Kjellner, since the body hasn’t been identified yet. But it seems highly likely.’

‘So what the hell are we waiting for?’ said Mellberg, jumping to his feet. He grabbed his jacket and pushed past Patrik. ‘I can’t understand why you’re all such bumblers at this station! How long does it take to spit out the news? Let’s go! You’re driving!’

Mellberg ran towards the garage, while Patrik hurried to his office to get his jacket. He sighed. He would have preferred not to take his boss along, but at the same time he knew that Mellberg wouldn’t want to miss the chance to be in the centre of all the action. As long as he didn’t have to do any of the real work, that is.

‘Okay, step on it!’ Mellberg was already sitting in the passenger seat. Patrik got in behind the wheel and turned the key in the ignition.

‘Is this your first time on TV?’ chirped the woman doing his make-up.

Christian met her glance in the mirror and nodded. His mouth was dry and his hands sweaty. Two weeks ago he’d accepted the invitation to appear on the Morning show on TV4, a decision that he now bitterly regretted. During the long train ride to Stockholm the night before, he’d had to fight the impulse to turn around and go home.

Gaby had been overjoyed when the producer from TV4 had called. He said they’d heard rumours that a new star in the author firmament was about to be discovered, and they wanted to be the first to book him for a television interview. Gaby had explained to Christian that there was no better marketing opportunity, and he would sell tons of books just from a brief appearance.

And he’d allowed himself to be seduced by the idea. He’d asked for time off from his job at the library, and Gaby had bought his train ticket and made his hotel reservation in Stockholm. At first he’d felt quite excited about being on TV to promote The Mermaid. But the newspaper placards over the weekend had ruined everything. How could he have allowed Gaby to talk him into this? He’d lived such a reclusive life for so many years, and he’d convinced himself that by now it would be okay to step forward. Even when the letters started arriving, he had continued to live under the misconception that everything was over, that he was safe.

The newspaper headlines had jolted him out of his delusion. Someone would notice, someone would remember. Everything would be made public again. He shuddered, and the make-up woman looked at him.

‘Don’t tell me you’re freezing when it’s so warm in here. Are you coming down with a cold?’

Christian nodded and smiled. That was the easiest way to respond, so he wouldn’t have to explain.

The make-up on his face looked thick and unnatural. Some of the flesh-coloured cream had even been applied to his ears and hands. Apparently the normal skin tone looked pale and slightly greenish on TV without make-up. In some ways he didn’t really mind. It was like putting on a mask that he could hide behind.

‘All right. We’re done here. The stage manager will come to get you in a minute.’ The make-up artist inspected her work as Christian stared at himself in the mirror. The mask stared back.

A few minutes later he was escorted to the green room just outside the door to the TV studio. An impressive breakfast buffet had been set up, but he made do with a small glass of orange juice. Adrenalin was surging through his body, and his hand shook slightly as he raised the glass.

‘It’s time,’ said the stage manager. ‘Come with me.’ And she motioned for him to follow. Christian put down his glass, still half-filled with juice. His legs wobbling, he walked behind her to the studio, which was down one flight of stairs.

‘You can sit here,’ she whispered, ushering him to his seat. Christian sat down and then gave a start when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

‘Sorry. I just need to attach the microphone,’ whispered a man wearing a headset. Christian nodded. His mouth was now even drier, if that was possible, and he drank the whole glass of water that was put in front of him.

‘Hi, Christian. Great to see you. I read your book, and I have to tell you that I think it’s amazing.’ Kristin Kaspersen held out her hand, and after a moment’s hesitation, Christian politely responded. Considering how sweaty his palm was, it must have felt like shaking hands with a wet sponge. Then Anders Kraft, the other talk-show host, came over and sat down as well. He said hello to Christian and introduced himself.

A copy of the book was lying on the table. Behind them the weather forecaster was delivering his report, so they had to carry on their conversation in a whisper.

‘You’re not nervous, are you?’ asked Kristin with a smile. ‘You don’t need to be. Just stay focused on us, and everything will be fine.’

Christian nodded mutely. His water glass had been refilled, and again he drank it down in one gulp.

‘We’re on in twenty seconds,’ said Anders Kraft, giving him a wink. Christian felt himself calmed by the confidence exuded by the man and woman seated across from him. He did everything he could not to think about the cameras surrounding them that were about to broadcast the programme live to a large segment of the Swedish population.

Kristin began talking as she looked at a spot behind him, and he realized that the programme had started. His heart was pounding, there was a rushing in his ears, and he had to force himself to listen to what Kristin was saying. After a brief introduction she asked her first question.

‘Christian, the critics are raving about your first novel, The Mermaid. And there has also been an unusual amount of advance interest from readers. How does it feel?’

His voice quavered a bit as he started talking, but Kristin kept her eyes steadily fixed on his, and he concentrated on looking at her instead of at the camera, which he glimpsed out of the corner of his eye. After stumbling over a few words, he could hear that his voice got stronger.

‘It’s been incredible. I’ve always dreamed of being a writer, and to see that dream realized and to get this kind of reception is way beyond my wildest imagination.’

‘The publisher is putting a lot of PR behind your book. We’ve been seeing signs in all the bookshop windows, and it’s rumoured that the first printing was much bigger than usual. The book pages of all the newspapers seem to be competing with each other to compare you with some of the literary greats. Has it been a little overwhelming for you?’ Anders Kraft gave him a friendly look.

Christian was feeling more confident, and his heart had returned to its normal rhythm.

‘It means a lot that my publisher believes in me and is doing so much promotion for the book. But it does feel a little strange to be compared to other authors. We all have our own unique style of writing.’ Now he was on solid ground. He began to relax, and after a couple more questions, he felt as if he could have sat there and talked all day.




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