A Home For Christmas
A Home For Christmas
Linda Ford
The Cowboy's FamilyMissy Porter knows all too well about losing a family, so she'll do anything to keep cowboy Wade Snyder and his orphaned niece and nephew together. Even put her own plans of independence on hold—temporarily—to help care for the children during Christmas. But in helping to fix this family, she realizes she wants to be more than just the nanny.Wade has never recovered from the unexpected loss of his wife. Now he doesn't think he can be the family man that little Annie and Joey deserve. So he's determined to find the children a loving adoptive home. But with Missy by his side, his long-forgotten dream of happily-ever-after might just be within reach…Christmas in Eden Valley: Forging a future in Canada's west country
The Cowboy’s Family
Missy Porter knows all too well about losing a family, so she’ll do anything to keep cowboy Wade Snyder and his orphaned niece and nephew together. Even put her own plans of independence on hold—temporarily—to help care for the children during Christmas. But in helping to fix this family, she realizes she wants to be more than just the nanny.
Wade has never recovered from the unexpected loss of his wife. Now he doesn’t think he can be the family man that little Annie and Joey deserve. So he’s determined to find the children a loving adoptive home. But with Missy by his side, his long-forgotten dream of happily-ever-after might just be within reach…
“I would never settle for a marriage of convenience, which is what you are suggesting,” Missy said.
Wade lifted one shoulder. He hadn’t suggested it at all. He simply wanted her to stop hammering on her opinion that he should find a way to keep the children. “It’s what you’re suggesting on my behalf.”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
She didn’t get the opportunity to answer as in the distance, the house door banged shut.
She jerked her gaze away. “The children… Are you coming back in?”
When he didn’t answer, she met his look again, her eyes full of hopes and wishes and, as he looked deeper, a hint of a challenge. He averted his eyes before she could see his doubt, the depth of his failure, his sorrow, the emptiness of his heart.
If only he could allow himself to think of marrying again. It would enable him to keep the children.
But both were out of the question.
LINDA FORD lives on a ranch in Alberta, Canada, near enough to the Rocky Mountains that she can enjoy them on a daily basis. She and her husband raised fourteen children—four homemade, ten adopted. She currently shares her home and life with her husband, a grown son, a live-in paraplegic client and a continual (and welcome) stream of kids, kids-in-law, grandkids, and assorted friends and relatives.
A Home for Christmas
Linda Ford
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Sing to God, sing in praise of His name, extol Him who rides on the clouds; rejoice before Him—His name is the Lord. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families.
—Psalms 68:4–6
To my readers: may you find the real joy that Christmas brings.
Contents
Cover (#ub984c6da-4ace-5a36-8916-7ae049dd98e0)
Back Cover Text (#ua37fb11f-c17d-553c-858d-b668a914c2dc)
Introduction (#u0f6d044b-3a1f-5f58-ac4e-e2512f76fd85)
About the Author (#uddee4ee3-16e1-5321-ada3-10e579b07b84)
Title Page (#ue4da615d-3dec-5917-8027-ca9bfc7de88f)
Bible Verse (#u4ec30a86-4f3f-5422-b8b5-49e293c7850f)
Dedication (#uf2a42a9f-26b9-5653-a300-1ec3eea91f0b)
Chapter One (#ulink_788ea196-13db-5320-9554-57944850c1ab)
Chapter Two (#ulink_c0421c7c-eeeb-54fe-889a-c529d50cfc64)
Chapter Three (#ulink_07839034-9f4a-528d-be61-89cd65ee10f7)
Chapter Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Dear Reader (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One (#ulink_c5341dfb-6b70-5627-acc3-3ef58339ba68)
Christmas 1882 Eden Valley Ranch, Edendale, Alberta
“We aren’t having Christmas this year, are we, Uncle Wade?” Joey asked the question, but his sister, Annie, regarded Wade with both anxiety and accusation in her big brown eyes.
“Joey, I’m doing the best I can.” It was Christmas Day and Wade Snyder had failed to give the young children a home and a family. His failure hung about his shoulders like a water-soaked blanket.
Joey hung his head and mumbled under his breath, but Wade heard him. “That means no and we aren’t supposed to be upset.”
Wade had done everything he could to see that his recently orphaned niece and nephew were settled someplace for Christmas, but all his attempts of the past three months had met with failure. The Bauers, a couple from Fort Macleod who expressed an interest in adopting the pair, had failed to appear on the latest stagecoach. Instead, they’d sent a letter saying they would be there at a later date. One they failed to give him.
With that plan scuttled, he’d thought to spend the day with his friend Lane, a single man like himself, but Lane had other plans. He’d been invited to spend Christmas with a family that had recently moved in south of Lane and had a beautiful, marriageable-aged daughter.
As if those disappointments weren’t enough to contend with, Wade had encountered a young lady in Edendale who had overheard him explaining to the children that he would be leaving and they couldn’t go with him.
A pretty young thing with blue-green eyes and a halo of golden hair. Not that he’d given her more than a passing glance. She’d confronted him, her eyes flashing with a whole lot of emotions that he pretended not to notice.
“You need to give these children the assurance they aren’t a nuisance,” she’d said. “They’ve lost their parents. Shouldn’t that be reason enough to make a few sacrifices on their behalf?”
He’d edged past her before she could say more. How had she learned so much about the children in the few minutes he’d been in the store? And what did she know about what he should or shouldn’t do? Or what he could or could not do, for that matter? He hadn’t even been able to look after his wife, a full-grown woman. How could he hope to take care of two children? Besides, one would only have to take a look at his cowboy way of life to know he couldn’t give his niece and nephew a home.
He turned the wagon toward the west. For several turns of the wheels on the frozen ground he allowed himself to wish things could be different and he could keep Joey and little Annie. They were all the family he had left. But the plain and simple truth was he couldn’t care for them.
No, he’d do what was best for the kids.
Once the two were taken care of, he would ride up into the hills where his friend Stuart ran a ranch. Every year, after a few weeks visiting his sister and enjoying Christmas with her and her family, Wade took over for Stuart while he went south to visit his mother.
Every year, Stuart made him the same offer. “Throw in with me. We’ll be partners. It’s time you settled down.”
Every year, Wade refused. He’d once had a home of his own, a wife and dreams of a family. All his hopes had come crashing to an end when he discovered his wife dead in their bed. She’d taken her own life. He hadn’t even noticed how unhappy she was, had put down her frequent dark moods to the fact she’d failed to get pregnant. He’d done his best to console her and assure her she was all that mattered to him.
Her death taught him a valuable lesson. One he didn’t care to repeat. He couldn’t look after those he loved. Couldn’t judge what they needed. Wasn’t enough for them. So he rode all summer for some ranch outfit, spent Christmas with his sister and family, then took Stuart’s place on his ranch until spring, when Wade repeated the process. It was what he’d done for the past six of his twenty-six years.
Annie edged forward from the back of the wagon box where the pair had been sitting and perched her elbows on the bench. “Uncle Wade, do you like us?”
A groan tore from his heart but he swallowed back the sound. “Come here.” He pulled her to his lap. “You, too, Joey.” The boy climbed to the bench and crowded to Wade’s side.
Wade hugged them both. “I love you more than you’ll ever know.”
Annie nestled her head under his chin and sighed. “I miss Mama and Papa.” A sob stole the last of her words.
He tightened his arms around the pair. He missed his sister with an unending ache. “I know you do. I do, too.” Though his loss was but a fraction of theirs. “I tell you what. I’ll spend Christmas with you and we’ll have a real good time.”
He had purchased popping corn, ribbon candy and some gifts at Macpherson’s store. Wade pulled the wagon to a halt and, not knowing what the day might hold, handed them the gifts he’d purchased. Nothing much. A picture book for Annie and a pair of leather mittens with fringes for Joey.
The two smiled and thanked him, though their smiles seemed a little forced. Even a piece of the candy for each didn’t give them their usual joy. Presents and games wouldn’t replace a mama and a papa, but he’d do his best to help them have a good time. Handing out gifts in a wagon wasn’t a great start.
“I was afraid we wouldn’t have Christmas,” Annie whispered.
“We wouldn’t forget to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus.” He hadn’t told the pair what lay ahead for them except to say they couldn’t go with him. He was certain they’d welcome a new mama and papa, but he figured it was too soon after losing their own for them to see the wisdom of his decision. But hadn’t Susan’s last words been to demand a promise that he’d see they got a good home?
He turned off at the Eden Valley Ranch trail. Lane had said the people there welcomed strangers and people needing help. Well, he surely needed help if he was to give these kids the Christmas they deserved.
They approached the big house. Several wagons were drawn up to the door.
“Who lives here?” Joey asked as Annie clutched Wade’s arm.
“Nice people.” He figured they must be nice if they welcomed strangers.
“Do you know them?” Joey persisted.
“Only by reputation.”
The boy pressed into Wade’s side as if he meant to disappear. Wade’s heart squeezed out drops of sorrow and regret. He’d lost his sister and her husband to pneumonia. Susan had been his anchor since his wife died. Four years his senior, she was the only person in the world who made him believe in love and happiness. All that was left of her were her children. He loved them to the very depths of his soul and it about killed him to think of giving them up, but he must do what he’d promised. At that moment, Wade made himself another promise. He would do everything in his power to see that these kids had an extra-special Christmas before they got adopted by a new family.
He pulled the wagon to a halt and jumped down. As soon as the horses were tended to, he lifted the children from the wagon and, with one clutching each hand, crossed the few feet to the house. He stood there staring at the fine wooden door.
“Uncle Wade, aren’t you going to knock?” Annie asked.
Wade nodded. He had to do it. Had to have this one last Christmas with them, then let them go. He dropped Joey’s hand and rapped on the thick wood.
In a matter of seconds, the door opened. “Howdy, stranger, what can I do for you?” The man there looked and sounded friendly enough.
“I hear you help people.”
“We do if we can.”
“Then perhaps you’d let us spend Christmas with you. Me and these two children.”
“You’re more than welcome. Come right in.” He threw the door wide and ushered them inside.
Wade felt the eyes of a dozen people upon him but he noticed only one person.
The young lady from town who had scolded him royally. The flash in her eyes informed him she hadn’t changed her opinion of him. No doubt she’d see his visit as an opportunity to further chastise him.
His hopes for a pleasant Christmas lay whimpering at his feet.
* * *
Missy Porter’s mouth dropped open and she stared in a way that was most rude. At eighteen she knew better but she couldn’t help herself. It was that man. The one she’d spoken to in Edendale after overhearing a conversation between him and his niece and nephew. She’d paid his appearance scant attention then, but now gave it a thorough visual examination. He was tall and lean like an old piece of hickory. He wore a dusty cowboy hat and a denim winter coat, faded almost white where the sleeves folded when he bent his arms. She noticed a flash of blue as the light hit his eyes. When he took off his hat as soon as he stepped inside, his brown hair looked surprisingly well trimmed as if he’d recently visited a barber. But it was the determination in the set of his jaw that made her clamp her mouth shut and swallow loudly.
He was a hard man. One who would not understand the tender hearts of little children.
She shifted her attention to the two sweet children at his side. With dark brown eyes and dark brown hair, they were almost Spanish looking. The little boy did his best to look brave, while the girl blinked back tears.
Linette Gardiner, hostess and wife of the ranch owner, Eddie, rushed to the trio, her baby cradled in one arm. “Come in. Come in. Let me take your coats.” She waited while they shed their outerwear and hung it on the nearby hooks. “Now, whom do we have the pleasure of meeting?”
“Wade Snyder, ma’am, and this is my niece, Annie Lopez, and my nephew, Joey.”
“So pleased to meet you.” Linette squatted to eye level with the children. “Merry Christmas. I hope you like toys and food because that’s what’s in store for the day.”
“Oh, yes.” Little Annie’s eyes shone with joy.
Joey grinned widely, then his smile flattened. He leaned back. “Our mama and papa died and we thought we wouldn’t have Christmas this year.” He shot Wade an accusing look that echoed in Missy’s mind. From what she’d overheard, she knew he hadn’t planned on spending Christmas with them. It had sounded as if he planned to leave them and ride away. What kind of man would do that?
“I’m sorry to hear about your mama and papa.” Linette met Wade’s eyes.
“My sister and her husband,” he explained.
Linette paused, her hand pressed to her chest as if feeling a sympathetic pain, then turned back to the children. “How old are you two?”
“I’m seven,” said the boy. “My sister is five.”
“Then you’ll fit right in with the other children. Grady is almost six.” She indicated the crowd of children playing in one corner.
Joey and Annie clung to Wade’s leg.
Linette straightened and stepped back. “When you feel like it, you can join them. In the meantime, come and meet everyone.” She introduced Eddie first, then started around the large circle. There were so many young couples—Roper Jones and his wife, Cassie, who had arrived in Linette’s company a little over a year ago. Grace and Ward Walker, who lived on a little ranch nearby. Eddie’s sister, Jayne, and her new husband, Seth Collins.
As they continued around the circle, introducing yet more newlyweds—Sybil and Brand Duggan, Mercy and Abel Borgard, Blue and Clara Lyons—Missy began to wonder how it was that so many had met and fallen in love on the ranch. She began to suspect there had been active matchmaking going on.
Her own sister-in-law, Louise, had married Nate Hawkins back in Montana, but it wasn’t until they reached the ranch that their love became real, which half confirmed the suspicions about the ranch’s role in romance. As for herself, Missy had no intention of joining the couples in matrimony.
An older pair was likewise introduced. Cookie and her husband, Bertie, ran the cookhouse.
As they were introduced, each one murmured condolences to Wade and the children, until Missy wondered how the children could stand to hear it one more time.
Missy sat at the far corner. She’d be the last to be introduced and she could hardly draw in a breath as they drew closer to her. All too soon they stood before her.
“And this is Missy Porter,” Linette said.
Wade’s eyes grew icy and she knew he recognized her. She’d spoken out of turn when she saw him in town. But when she’d heard him inform the children that he’d make sure they were in a safe place before he left, and when she’d heard their voices break as they confessed how they missed the mama and papa they’d so recently lost, an avalanche of unwanted memories had slammed into her. She’d been thirteen when she encountered the same emotion. She would never forget the shock of listening to the preacher explain that her parents had died in an accident.
“The horses bolted and the wagon flipped.” The preacher had said more, but Missy stopped listening. The details were too dreadful to hear.
Her brother, Gordie, was not yet eighteen and he’d not been pleased at being saddled with a younger sister to care for. He never let her forget that she was the reason he couldn’t live the life he wanted. Not that he did much caring. She took over the cooking and cleaning. He took over earning money to keep them, but soon he hooked up with Vic Hector, a very unlikable man in Missy’s opinion, who convinced Gordie there were easier ways to make money. By “easier,” he meant on the shady side of the law.
When Gordie married Louise and she moved in, Missy had truly gained a sister. They shared the household duties and became friends. But now Gordie was dead by a gunshot wound during one of his and Vic’s escapades. Louise had remarried and Missy was about to be on her own. She meant to face the future without depending on anyone else.
Except God, she added quickly, lest He think she was being prideful. She certainly didn’t mean to be. No, she wasn’t going anyplace without God.
There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that He had carried them safely on the journey from Rocky Creek, Montana, through a snowstorm and bitter cold. God had protected Louise and baby Chloe from Vic, who’d thought he owned them and Missy. She shivered at the memory of how Vic had treated her, trying to get her alone, and when he did, pressing against her in corners. Then he’d moved into the Porter house and both Missy and Louise knew he’d be taking advantage of the situation. So they’d fled to Eden Valley Ranch.
Never again would Missy allow herself to be made to feel she was an unwelcome burden. No more having others tell her what to do and what not to do, where to go and when and how. No, she had plans that would prevent that.
Before her, the newcomer named Wade tipped his head, breaking into her thoughts. “Nice to make your acquaintance, miss.”
She knew she wasn’t mistaken in hearing a mocking tone in his words. Hopefully, the others didn’t notice. She tipped her head in response. “Likewise, I’m sure.”
A flicker of his eyelids informed her he understood her silent message that she was as thrilled as he to be forced to spend Christmas together. Which was not at all.
She turned her attention to the children, wanting to let them know she understood how alone and afraid they were at the moment. “I, too, lost my mama and papa when I was a child.”
“What happened to them?” Annie asked, her eyes big with curiosity.
“There was an accident.”
The children nodded solemnly.
Joey released a long sigh that ended in a shudder. “Our mama and papa got sick and died.” He studied her. “When did yours die?”
“Four years ago.” Four and a half and a bit. She used to count the months and weeks and days, but had stopped doing that. Nothing would make her forget them but she had to face the future.
Missy rested her hand over the pocket that contained a piece of paper. She did not need to see it to know what it said.
Miss Evans offers young ladies the opportunity to become self-sufficient and earn twice the salary of a public schoolteacher. You’ll learn how to operate a typewriter. Become a secretary and you will be able to get a job anywhere.
Missy had sent in a deposit from the coins she’d been saving for her future. The next class was to begin in March in Toronto, which left her three months to earn the rest of the cost of tuition.
She allowed the tiniest smile to curve her mouth. She’d soon be independent. Her future would be in her hands, not in the hands of others. A shiver trickled down her spine. Like these children, she knew how it felt to lose important people in her life. It was best to be on her own. That way she wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of losing anyone else.
“Ours died a little time ago.” Tears rushed to Joey’s eyes.
These children needed so much care and tenderness at the moment. Turning her gaze back to Wade, Missy felt her smile flatten, her lips curl downward. He had made it clear he didn’t want these children. Perhaps he was sending them to relatives—kinder, more loving people. She certainly hoped so.
Annie rocked forward, seeking her attention.
“What is it, child?” Missy asked.
“Did you have Christmas without your mama and papa?”
Missy knew what the child meant. “I missed them terribly. I still do. But I know they would want me to be happy, especially at Christmas.”
Annie nodded, satisfied with the answer. “I think so, too.”
Wade took his niece’s hand. “Come along, Annie. You shouldn’t bother the lady.”
Missy’s insides curled at the way Wade made it sound as if she didn’t welcome Annie’s questions. Ignoring his warning glance, she brushed her hand over the girl’s shoulder. “You’re not a bother to me.”
Right then and there, she promised herself she would do everything in her power to make this a Christmas Day these children would remember with joy.
* * *
The only place left for Wade to sit was next to Missy. He almost refused Linette’s invitation to be seated, but he had asked to be included in their Christmas. Seemed it meant enduring Missy’s narrow-eyed looks. He plunked onto the chair and pulled Annie to his lap. Joey sat on the floor in front of him, watching the other children playing.
Annie turned to regard Missy. “You live here?”
“I’m only visiting. Louise is my sister-in-law.” She pointed out a young woman with a tiny baby in her arms and a man hovering adoringly at her side. “She and Nate are going to live at his ranch as soon as he fixes the cabin.”
Wade fleetingly wondered if Missy would be living with them.
Annie reached out and fingered the fabric of Missy’s dress. “I like your gown. It feels nice.”
“It’s satin. Royal blue was my mama’s favorite color. I like to wear it and remember her.”
Annie leaned forward. “Mama’s favorite color was pink. I like pink, too. Maybe I’ll get a pink dress when I get big. I gots a pink sweater she knitted me. It’s my favorite thing.”
It was the most Annie had talked since her parents died. Before that she had been a regular chatterbox.
She turned to Wade. “Where’s my pink sweater?”
He had no idea. The neighboring women had helped him pack up the children’s things. “I expect it’s in one of your bags.”
“In the wagon?”
“Yes. Everything is under a tarp.” He wanted to reassure her that her belongings were safe.
“Oh.” The one syllable was both a question and a demand.
“We’ll find it later.”
“Oh.” Disappointment and reluctant patience colored her voice. How could a little girl pack so much meaning into one small word? But Annie had always been good at letting her feelings be known.
She turned back to Missy. “If you don’t live here, where do you live?”
Even though they didn’t touch and he didn’t look directly at her, Wade felt the young woman stiffen. Why did such an ordinary question cause such a reaction?
“I’m staying here for now. And then...well, I’ll find something else.” Beneath the cheerful words ran a river of uncertainty that made Wade tighten his arms around Annie lest she feel it, too.
But he couldn’t prevent the child’s understanding. “That’s like us. We’re going someplace but I don’t know where. Only that Uncle Wade is leaving us and going...” She lifted her hands in a dramatic show of I-don’t-know.
The gesture made him ache. As did her words. If only he could give them specifics as to their future, but at this point, he had none to give. Please, God. Make their adoption work out. Sooner would be better than later.
Missy shifted slightly so she could give him an accusing look. He ignored her, gazing down at the floor. She needn’t think he acted selfishly. He had to do what was best.
Linette broke the tension as she announced her departure. “I need to go finish the meal preparations.” She put baby Jonathan in his cradle and headed for the kitchen. Immediately, the other ladies, including Missy, exited the room. Wade drew in a deep breath. The delicious aromas that had assaulted him as he entered the house now drew saliva from his mouth and growls from his stomach. The smells made it difficult to focus on anything else, until he felt Annie get up and start to follow Missy. Wade roped in his attention. “Stay here,” he said.
Missy turned, favored him with another of her accusing looks and continued on her way. Wade let her go without comment, deeming this a battle not worth fighting. Right or wrong, the woman was entitled to her opinion.
For the first time since he’d seen Missy in the room he sat back and tried to relax. But the smells of turkey and stuffing, ham and mincemeat made him miss Susan so badly he felt a sting of tears. Thankfully, all the other men had their attention on Eddie as he regaled them with a story about finding stranded cows in a snowstorm.
Wade’s stomach was kissing his backbone by the time Linette invited them into the dining room. “Children, you have a table in the kitchen. Daisy’s in charge. Be sure you mind her.”
The older girl, Daisy, who looked to be about thirteen, had a toddler perched on one hip and reached out her free hand to Annie. “Come on. It’s fun to sit at the children’s table.”
“Daisy is very good at minding the younger ones,” Linette assured Wade. “She’s Cassie and Roper’s oldest. With two brothers and a sister, she gets a lot of practice.”
The little boy named Grady signaled to Joey. “You wanna sit with me?”
And as easy as that, the two clinging children left Wade.
He wanted to call them back, but Linette waved everyone to chairs.
Somehow Wade ended up beside Missy. A glance around the table revealed they were the only single adults present, so he supposed it made sense to his hostess.
He forced himself to sit calmly as Eddie said grace, even though having Missy so close made his nerves tingle. He tried to cover it up by squirming about in an attempt to see or at least hear the children.
“Relax,” Missy said. “If Linette says it’s okay it’s okay.”
He nodded, though he wasn’t sure he agreed.
Linette spoke from the end of the table. “You couldn’t know it, but Daisy and her brothers and sister were orphans. Roper and Cassie adopted them. In fact—” she glanced about the table “—all these people have children who lost at least one parent.” She guided the passing of the food as she spoke.
Louise sat on the other side of Missy and leaned around her to speak to Wade. “Even little Chloe. Her father never had a chance to meet her. Now Nate is her father.”
The couples around the table smiled lovingly at each other, obviously content with their new relationships.
Wade filled his plate with turkey and stuffing, ham and green tomato chutney, mashed potatoes and gravy, carrots and turnips. He realized all eyes were on him. Had he taken too much food? But a glance about the table revealed every plate held a generous amount.
“Did I miss something?” he asked, silently acknowledging he had been interested only in the food.
Everyone slid their gaze to Missy and back to him.
“It seems like marriage would be the perfect solution for you, as well,” Linette said. “Both of you.”
He shook his head. “Oh, no. Marriage isn’t for me.”
Missy held up her hands. “Nor me.”
“Why not?” Louise demanded of her sister-in-law. “What’s wrong with marriage?”
“I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it. It’s fine if that’s what you want. I have other plans.” She dug into the pocket of her blue satin gown and pulled out a piece of paper. She unfolded it and showed it to Louise, who read it aloud, then stared at her.
“A secretary?”
“Using a typewriter.” Missy made it sound as if that made a world of difference.
“Where will you get the money to take this class?”
“I’ll earn it.” Her voice rang with determination.
“But—”
Before Louise could finish, Missy returned the paper to her pocket. “That’s what I’m going to do.”
Wade released pent-up air. Thankfully, there’d be no more matchmaking.
Every pair of eyes returned to him.
“I’m sure there are other prospects,” Linette began. “I heard a family moved in this fall with an almost grown daughter. I haven’t met her yet but by all accounts she is pleasant and hardworking.”
This must be the family Lane had gone to visit. Wade rolled his head back and forth. Even if he had any interest in marriage, the last thing he needed was a young woman barely old enough to leave her parents. Besides, Lane had his sights set on the young lady and Wade had no intention of being competition. “Marriage isn’t for everyone. And to provide for a family, a man needs a home. I have none. I’m a cowboy.”
“Look around the table,” Eddie said. “These fellows were homeless cowboys, too, until they found a reason to settle down.”
The conversation was thankfully dropped as people turned their attention to the bountiful food. Wade savored every mouthful even though the meal carried sorrowful memories of similar occasions spent with Susan and her family. But as Missy had said to Annie, his sister would want him to enjoy the day.
Beneath the rumble of a discussion about the new church, Missy murmured, “One would think two orphaned children would be enough reason to settle down.”
So much for thinking the topic had been abandoned.
Wade’s enjoyment of the meal turned sour.
Linette lowered her fork to the table. “Tell me, Wade, what are your plans for the children?”
He, too, lowered his fork, knowing his answer would bring more criticism from Missy. Not that it was any of her business. “Ma’am, I’ve been in contact with a Mr. and Mrs. Bauer from Fort Macleod regarding adoption.”
A collective gasp came from others at the table.
“I had hoped to hear from them by now because I have to leave almost immediately. I’ve agreed to look after a friend’s ranch while he takes a trip.”
A beat of silence passed before anyone responded.
It was Missy who spoke. “I guess you’ll have to take the children with you.” Obviously she knew that wasn’t his plan, but she meant to force him to reconsider.
“That’s not possible. I can’t take care of them and the ranch, too.” Before Missy could voice any more disapproval, before any of them could, he spoke again. “I need someplace safe to leave them until the couple comes. I hope...hoped they could stay here.”
Linette and Eddie looked at each other for a moment. Eddie answered Wade’s request. “We’ll discuss it later.”
With those words, he had to be content, though he could not relax with Missy’s heavy disapproval coming off her like a wave.
The main part of the meal ended, the dishes were cleared away and mincemeat pie served. Wade hoped the children were enjoying the dessert more than he was. Every mouthful was full of regret from his own heart and silent accusations from Missy.
Finally the meal was over.
“Everyone return to the sitting room. There are gifts for all the children,” Linette said.
Wade had begun to rise, but at that he sank back in his chair. He must find a way to draw Joey and Annie away so they wouldn’t be disappointed when they received no gifts.
Linette waved a hand to indicate he should join them. “There’s something for Annie and Joey, too.”
Missy waited at her chair as if to make certain he didn’t skip out.
He had no such intention and rose to follow her back to the other room. In a flash he saw that everyone had resumed their previous positions, which left him sitting at Missy’s side. He would have avoided the seat, but the room was crowded and he had no other option.
The children raced in and sat in a circle before the decorated evergreen tree next to the window.
One by one, Eddie handed gifts to the young ones. When it was his turn, Joey opened his package. “A ball for playing catch. Papa taught me to throw and catch.” He gazed at it, his lips quivering.
Wade would have gone to him, but wondered if the boy would find it embarrassing to be needing comfort.
Annie opened her gift, a sock doll with black button eyes, brown yarn hair and a pink cotton dress.
She stared at it and burst into tears.
Wade sat motionless, his heart shredding with shared sorrow. Before he could move, Missy sprang forward, sat beside the child and pulled her to her lap. “Shh, shh.” She rocked Annie in a tight embrace.
Finally the tears stopped. Missy returned to her chair, with Annie clinging to her like a sweater.
“I’ll take her.” Wade reached for his niece, but Missy shook her head.
“She’s fine here on my lap.” Missy’s eyes, too, were awash with tears.
Wade closed his eyes against a rush of wild emotions—a burning desire to comfort them both, a burst of fresh pain at his own sorrow and beneath it all, his unending sense of failure in not being able to give these children what they needed. And in not having seen how sad and desperate his late wife had been. The accusations hurled at him by Tomasina’s parents that it was his duty to see to her needs were no stronger than those from his own heart.
He never again wanted to experience such failure.
* * *
Missy held Annie as tightly as Annie held her. How well she remembered the first Christmas after her parents had died. The aching feeling that nothing would ever be the same, that no one would ever understand and love her the way Mama and Papa had. She and Gordie had gotten presents for each other—she’d bought him a new pocketknife she’d seen him admire in the store and he’d bought her a set of ivory hair combs. She hadn’t noticed them in any of the stores and wondered where he’d gotten them. It was much later that she realized he’d probably stolen them, and she’d never again used them.
She shook off the memories and flicked her gaze to the man beside her. She noted that his hands were curled so tightly the knuckles were white. From under her lashes Missy studied him. His expression revealed a mixture of emotions—uncertainty and sorrow.
He’d lost his sister. Of course he felt sorrow.
In her judgment of him she’d forgotten to take that into account. At the first opportunity she would correct the matter.
Annie cuddled close as the other children played with their new toys. After a bit, Joey left the others and scooted over to sit with his back against Wade’s legs. Wade rested his hands on the boy’s shoulders.
Missy smiled as uncle and nephew released tiny sighs and sank toward each other, giving comfort and consolation.
One by one the guests rose, gathered up their children and bade Linette and Eddie and the others goodbye. Louise and Nate excused themselves and took baby Chloe to their room. Only Missy remained beside Wade, with Annie on her lap and Joey at Wade’s knees.
Eddie and Linette approached Wade. “We need to talk.”
Knowing they meant to address Wade’s request to leave the children at the ranch, Missy struggled to her feet. “I’ll take the children into the kitchen. Come along, Joey.”
The child was too tired to argue and shuffled after her, but by the time they sat down at the table, his curiosity kicked in.
“They’re talking about us, aren’t they? Is Uncle Wade leaving us here?” The boy’s voice cracked, not only from fatigue. The poor child dreaded being abandoned.
Annie sobbed and tightened her arms about Missy’s neck.
She forced herself to take two slow breaths. How could Wade think of leaving these children? Yes, she understood he had a job to go to, that someone was counting on him to take care of their ranch. Yes, she understood he was an unmarried cowboy with no home. But the facts did not change her feelings. She knew what it was like to have people she cared about snatched out of her life, and to feel as if she was only an inconvenience to those who were left. She even harbored a suspicion that Louise had married her brother, Gordie, simply to protect Missy from Vic. The thought twisted through her gut. A nuisance and a burden.
Praying her voice would be firm and reassuring, she pulled Joey to her side. “Listen to me, both of you. Wherever you go, whatever happens to you, you are not alone. You have each other. And you have your mama and papa inside you.” She didn’t know how else to say that their memories of their parents would always be with them and always guide them. “And God is with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He is as close as your next breath. He sees what you need and He will provide it.”
Two pairs of dark eyes watched her, practically drank her in, taking the encouragement and assurance she offered.
“You can trust God no matter what. Can you remember that?”
Annie and Joey nodded.
The kitchen door swung wide. Wade stood in the opening, his eyes on her. “Missy, would you please join us?” He turned to the children. “You two wait here.”
Missy set Annie on a chair next to her brother, caressed both heads and smiled. “Remember what I told you.” She reminded herself of the same thing—God was with her—and followed Wade into the sitting room.
She felt the heaviness in the air around her as she sat down opposite Wade.
“What’s this all about?” she asked.
Linette answered. “You heard Wade say he was trying to find an adoptive family for the children.”
Missy nodded, her lips pressed together to keep her opinion to herself.
“We’ve asked him to stay until he makes those arrangements. For the children’s sake.”
“Quite so. They’ve had enough loss to deal with already.” Missy released the words in a rush and blinked hard to keep from piercing Wade with her challenging look.
Linette continued. “However, he doesn’t feel he can take care of them on his own.”
Eddie spoke at that point. “I won’t let Linette be responsible for them. Not when Jonathan is only a few days old.” The baby boy slept in her arms.
Wade cleared his throat and Missy’s gaze jerked toward him. So many feelings rushed through her—fear that he meant to give these children away, hope that it would give them a loving home and... Oh, yes, she meant to express her sympathy at his loss. Before she could say a word, he spoke.
“I would like to hire you to look after Annie and Joey until I can make other arrangements.”
She opened her mouth, but again he cut her off. “You can put the money toward paying for the secretarial course you want to take.”
She’d meant to say she’d gladly take care of the children free of charge, but his words reminded her that she needed funds to fulfill her plans. Still she did not answer him. Somehow to say yes felt as if she’d be giving approval to his plan, aligning herself with him rather than the children.
But if she said yes, she could spend time with them, help prepare them for their future and help them find enjoyment in their current situation.
“Yes, I’ll do it. On one condition.” She hesitated. Was she asking the right thing? “You—” she nodded to Wade “—spend time with them, as well.”
Their gazes held as they measured each other. Likely he wondered at her reason even as she wondered at his.
“I’m amenable to that.”
Eddie slapped his knees. “Then it’s settled. Things have a way of working out for the good of everyone.”
Missy wondered what he meant. She couldn’t see how things would work out for the good for Joey and Annie. They’d lost their parents and would soon lose their uncle and go to live with strangers.
None of them had any control over the future. But as she’d told the children, God would never leave them. If she could do one thing in the few days she’d have with them, it would be to make sure they believed that.
In so doing, she’d make certain they enjoyed their time at Eden Valley Ranch—even if it meant she’d have to interact with Wade Snyder to make that happen.
Chapter Two (#ulink_8b5e3e8d-dc65-5be5-89c4-e11c1d6c430c)
Eddie got to his feet, took the baby and helped Linette to stand. “I think my wife should have a little rest. It’s been a long day.” He led her up the stairs.
Missy watched them go, then glanced about the room. Not long ago this space had been crowded with guests. Now there was only Wade and her. Not that they were really alone. The children were in the next room; Linette and Eddie, Nate and Louise were upstairs. Nevertheless, Missy’s nerves twanged with tension. Would Wade use the quiet to inform her that she had stepped into his business too many times? She knew she had but didn’t regret it.
There was only one thing she meant to change. “I have never expressed my condolences over the loss of your sister and brother-in-law. I’m very sorry. I recently lost my brother, so I share a little knowledge of how you feel.”
“Thank you. I didn’t know you’d lost your brother, though I suppose I should have realized it when Louise said her husband had never met baby Chloe. I didn’t make the connection. I’m sorry for your loss, as well.”
Missy let her gaze find his as she offered her sympathy. It was nothing but a cool, impersonal meeting of the eyes, but at his kind words, something shifted between them. Their circumstances might be different, but the pain and loss were similar and they silently acknowledged it. She felt his sorrow in the depth of her heart, even as her own sense of loss tightened her chest.
Her breath stuttered in and she broke their visual connection. “Do you intend to tell the children of your plans?” she asked, bringing her gaze back to his.
He looked away, his eyes full of uncertainty. “I don’t know how much I should tell them.” He turned back to her. “I don’t want to take away from their enjoyment of Christmas.”
She nodded. “Nor do I. In fact, I’ll do everything in my power to make their stay here enjoyable. Too bad Christmas is over.” In the ensuing silence, she heard a distressing sound. “Is that Annie crying?”
They were both on their feet in an instant and rushed for the kitchen door.
Joey sat with his arm about his little sister. Her sock doll lay on her knees as tears dripped to its face.
Missy knelt before the child. “Honey, what’s wrong?”
Annie sobbed an answer.
Missy could not make out what she said and was about to sit down and pull the child to her lap when Wade beat her to it. He held Annie so tenderly, his face so full of sorrow and concern, that Missy blinked back a few tears of her own. How she wished to help this hurting trio. God, I told the children You would help them and guide them. Let me assist if that’s possible.
She sat beside Wade and rubbed Annie’s back. After a moment the little girl quieted and was able to speak. “Mama made me a doll. I don’t know where it is.” Her crying intensified again.
Missy’s heart twisted and she gave Wade a look of despair. “She’s lost so much.”
“She hasn’t lost her doll.” He shifted Annie to Missy’s arms and strode from the room.
“Where’s he going?” Joey clutched her hand. “Is he leaving?”
“I don’t think so.” Missy was as uncertain as Joey until she reminded herself that Wade had agreed to stay until the children were placed.
He returned in quick order carrying two bulky boxes and two valises. “Your doll is in this stuff. We just have to find it.” He dropped his burdens to the floor.
The children sprang forward and fell upon the baggage as if they’d been returned home from being lost. In a sense, Missy supposed it felt that way. Everything they owned and were familiar with was before them.
Wade pried open the first box and let the children dive into the contents. Blankets, clothing, a pair of woolen mittens were all pulled out. Annie pressed her face into each article and breathed deeply. Joey fingered the fabric and then slipped his hands into the mittens, a look of joy and pain twisting his features.
They emptied the box and sat back. No doll.
Missy carefully repacked the contents while Wade opened the next box. Again he stepped back as the children examined the contents. With a squeal, Annie pulled out a pink sweater and slipped it on. She rubbed her sleeves and smiled through a sheen of tears. “My sweater Mama made me.”
Joey dug further. He didn’t say anything, but it was obvious he was hunting for something. When the box was empty he sat back on his heels. “It’s not there.”
“What are you looking for?” Wade asked.
“Something.” Joey would say no more.
Missy repacked the box, with the children following every move of her hands, as if saying goodbye to each item. As if saying goodbye to their life. A tear dropped to the back of her hand but she wiped it off and continued until everything was back and Wade closed the top on the box.
The two valises sat untouched and the four of them stared at the bags. Would they contain something to comfort the children or would there be only disappointment? Missy didn’t want to face the possibility of the latter. It seemed the children didn’t, either. But Wade pulled one valise closer and folded back the top. “We might as well see what’s here.”
With less enthusiasm than they’d shown previously, the children pulled out items. This bag held boy’s clothing. Missy realized it contained the things Joey needed for the present. Annie sat back and let him remove the contents. He carefully lifted each shirt and each pair of trousers, almost reverently setting them aside. At the bottom of the bag he felt something and grew still, his eyes wide. Slowly, he lifted out a photograph and stared at it. “Mama and Papa.” The words came out in a whisper.
He turned the picture so Annie could see it. She sucked in a sigh and then released it.
No one moved. Missy wondered if anyone breathed as the children drank in the likeness of their parents.
Joey kept the photograph on his lap and searched the corners of the bag for something more.
Missy knew the moment he’d found it. He froze, one hand in the valise, his eyes wide, his mouth open. Then he swallowed twice and slowly withdrew his hand. “My ball.” He burst into tears.
Wade and Missy reached for him at the same time. Their arms crossed as they comforted Joey, but neither of them withdrew. The weight of Wade’s arm across Missy’s sent a rush of warmth straight to her heart. She was instantly thirteen years old again, longing to be comforted. She’d gone to Gordie in tears, overwrought about their parents’ death, but her brother had pushed her away. Told her it was time to grow up. Wade, to his credit, simply held Joey now and let him shed as many tears as he needed to.
Annie scrambled over the valise, lifted the photograph from Joey’s knees, crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms about him.
Missy wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. She could not bring herself to look at Wade, fearing her emotions would riot out of control and she would become a teary mess.
When Joey’s sobs subsided he shared a memory. “Papa played catch with me every time he could.” He darted a glance to his uncle.
Missy almost chuckled at the boy’s subtle hint.
Wade nodded. “Tell you what. We’ll play catch, too.”
Joey grinned. “I’d like that.”
Annie slipped from her brother’s lap and squatted in front of the last valise. Wade opened it and the others sat back as Annie slowly lifted out little-girl garments and set them aside. After each she looked from Missy to Joey to Wade. Not until her uncle said, “Go ahead,” did she take out the next item.
She looked into the bag and squealed in delight, but kept her hands on her knees and stared at the object.
“What is it?” Missy asked softly.
Gently, Annie lifted out a soiled and worn cloth doll. “My dolly, Mary.” She hugged the doll to her neck and rocked back and forth, humming a lullaby.
Missy heart overflowed at this child’s pleasure. But her joy was intermingled with unshed tears. She shared a glance with Wade. From his trembling smile she guessed he struggled with the same emotions she did.
Their gaze remained locked. His smile fled and then returned with warmth and understanding, finding an answering smile in her heart. They might not have much in common. They had plans that didn’t involve the other. Certainly they were at odds about what his plans for the children were. But unmistakably they shared tender affection for these children.
Annie looked about the room as if searching for something else, saw her new doll on the kitchen table and trotted over to get it. “Mary, you have a sister now. This is Martha.” With one arm clutching each doll, she hugged them both to her neck.
Joey shifted to face Wade. “Are you leaving us here?”
Still on the floor, Wade sat back and crossed his legs with an ease that said he often sat this way. Missy could imagine him on the ground before a campfire, a tin cup of steaming coffee in his hand. The picture made her smile and, at the same time, filled her with an unfamiliar restlessness.
Her smile fled as she waited for Wade to explain his plans to the children.
He caught Annie and pulled her to his lap. “I’m not leaving for a little while. You both know I don’t want to ever leave you but...” He shrugged, then brightened. “But Missy is going to help take care of you while we’re here. How do you like that?”
Joey grinned. “I like that.”
Annie reached for Missy’s hand and pulled her closer. “Me, too.”
The children looked at each other, sharing a secret. Then Joey nodded. “I’ll ask.” He considered Wade a moment as if gathering up the nerve.
“What is it?” Wade prompted.
“Annie and I want to have our own Christmas. Not one with so many strangers.”
Wade turned to Missy. “What do you think?”
“Sounds good to me.” She turned to Joey. “Did you have something in mind?”
Joey wriggled with excitement. “Tomorrow is the day after Christmas. Boxing Day, Mama called it. She said it used to be when people gave their servants money and gifts back in England. We don’t have servants, but she said Grandma considered the animals her servants, so they would go to the barn and decorate it to celebrate Jesus being born in a manger. Can we do that tomorrow?”
Missy’s throat clogged. The children didn’t want gifts for themselves; they wanted only to make Christmas memorable.
She turned toward Wade, intending to tell him she’d help him decorate the barn if Eddie approved. But Wade looked as if he’d been stabbed through the heart.
He shifted Annie to Missy’s lap and strode from the room.
* * *
Wade stumbled out the back door into the clear evening. Trying to calm himself, he sucked in the cold air and commanded his thoughts to fall into order.
The door behind him opened, threw out a patch of golden lamplight before him, then closed softly. He felt Missy at his side but did not look her way nor acknowledge her.
Her hand touched his arm and rested there. “Wade, what’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “Nothin’.”
“‘Nothin’’ doesn’t send a man rushing out into the night.”
She had a point. His thoughts untangled and dashed to his tongue. “It was my mother who began the tradition of decorating a manger for Christmas. Born and raised a proper English miss, she couldn’t dismiss Boxing Day as just another day. I remember how eagerly Susan and I looked forward to our trip to the barn the day after Christmas.”
“Susan was your sister? The children’s mother?”
He nodded. “My parents are gone. My sister is gone. My wife is gone.”
Missy’s fingers trembled on his arm. “You were married?”
“A long time ago. I tried to get her to decorate the manger with me but she didn’t see the value of doing so.” To Tomasina it was a silly, childish practice. After her death, he’d been glad to join Susan and her family in carrying on the tradition.
“It will be good for the children to continue their customary way of celebrating the day.”
Enough light came from the window for him to watch Missy’s hand run along his arm. Was she even aware she did it?
He shifted away, forcing her to drop her arm to her side. He didn’t need or want comfort. Not for himself. She could save it for the children. He lived the life he wanted and deserved.
“It’s getting cold.” He opened the door and held it for her to enter. When they stepped inside, Joey and Annie watched them with wide, fearful eyes. He understood life was uncertain for them at the moment, the future unknown. The best he could do was get them settled as soon as possible. Only then could they begin to adjust to the facts of their life.
They were young enough to adapt.
He knew he never would. He’d learned his past went with him, bleeding into his present and staining his future. One simply did not forget finding one’s wife dead of her own choice. At least Susan and her husband had died of natural causes. One could put that down to God’s timing. Then all one had to do was believe God had a good and perfect plan in mind. Though, truth be told, there were times Wade found it hard to see the good in things. But then wasn’t that what trust was—believing when he couldn’t see?
To reassure the children he pasted a smile on his face. “I’ll ask Eddie about decorating a manger.”
“What is it you want to ask Eddie?” The man in question entered the room.
Wade explained the Snyder tradition and Eddie wasted no time consenting. “It sounds great.”
Grady was at Eddie’s heels. “Can I go with you tomorrow?” the boy asked Wade.
“Of course you may.”
Grady grinned in pleasure and Eddie squeezed his shoulder, as happy as the child, then he turned to the others. “My wife has fallen asleep. I think Louise and Nate have, as well. That leaves us to fend for ourselves for something to eat.” He set out leftover ham and turkey and sliced a loaf of bread, while Wade put Annie’s things back in the valise and pushed their boxes and bags to one side of the room.
When the three adults and three children gathered around the table, Eddie asked the blessing. Annie placed her two dolls on either side of her and patted each.
Mealtime was quiet, the children tired out from the long day and the adults somewhat subdued, as well. As soon as they were satisfied and the dishes quickly disposed of, Eddie led Wade and the children upstairs. Missy apparently had a room on the main floor and called good-night as the others climbed the steps.
Annie paused on the steps, looking over her shoulder. “Where are you going to sleep?” she asked Missy. “You aren’t leaving, are you?”
“I have a room down here. I’ll be here when you get up tomorrow.”
Wade gathered his niece in his arms and carried her up the stairs. She was practically asleep on his shoulder by the time Eddie showed him a room for the children and an adjoining one for himself. He helped the children prepare for bed, then withdrew to the next room, hoping the children wouldn’t be upset by being separated from him.
* * *
He woke the next morning to two children bouncing on his bed.
“It’s morning,” Annie said with a bounce.
“You sure?” His voice was gravelly.
“We’re doing something special today. ’Member?”
He cracked one eye open. “Not before breakfast.”
“Aren’t you getting up?” Joey bounced twice just for good measure.
“Where’s Missy?” Annie added another bounce. “I want to wake her up.” She jumped toward the side of the bed.
Wade lifted his head and eyed her. “You will not go downstairs until I say so.” He cocked an ear and listened. “I don’t think anyone else is awake. And you shouldn’t be, either.” He let his head fall to the pillow, closed his eyes and wished for the forgetfulness of sleep.
“They’re awake, Uncle Wade. I heard baby Chloe and baby Jonathan crying when we came in here.” Joey seemed to think that was reason enough to make sure everyone in the house was up.
Wade had jerked awake a couple times in the night, hearing the babies cry. Once, he’d thought he was out in the range and coyotes were nearby. He’d reached for his rifle, but found only bedding. By that time his heart raced and he was wide-awake.
Now as he lay there his thoughts harkened back to the previous day. His agreement with the Gardiners meant he would be days late getting to Stuart’s place. Stuart would wonder when he didn’t show up, though he’d wait a few days before he gave it much mind. By then, Wade would be there.
There wasn’t much traffic to and from Fort Macleod this time of year, but a man and woman anxious to adopt two children would find a way of making arrangements. Until then Wade and Missy Porter would entertain the children.
He tried to decide what he thought of that young lady.
Very pretty for sure.
Alone. Just as he was. Except he at least had the children for the next few days. He pushed aside the sorrow of knowing he would soon have to say good-bye to them. Perhaps never see them again, depending on the wishes of the new parents.
Missy was opinionated, as well. She certainly knew what she wanted, which was to his advantage. He could offer her a paying job.
Doubts crowded his mind. Had he done the right thing in asking for her help?
But she was kind and she’d be good to the children. They needed tons of kindness and affection at the moment.
He rubbed his arm where she had touched him. Warmth trickled into his heart like water from a block of ice under a warm spring sun.
The children, realizing they must wait before going downstairs, curled up beside him.
“Tell us a story,” Annie begged.
“Yes, do,” Joey added, trying not to sound as eager as his younger sister.
“Me?”
“Like Mama used to.” Annie voice threatened tears.
“You’re all we got.” Joey had no idea how inadequate that made Wade feel.
“Okay, I’ll try. Once upon a time there was a cowboy.”
“Oh, I like that.” Annie’s eyes were wide with expectation. “A cowboy who loved a lady.”
“Hey, whose story is this?”
“You have to have a lady.” Annie nodded with absolute certainty.
“You’re sure?” He looked to Joey for backing on this idea, but his nephew nodded. The boy offered no escape at all.
“Okay.” Wade wasn’t going to be able to avoid it. “There was a cowboy who had a lady.”
“Loved a lady,” Annie corrected.
He sighed. “How do you know he loved her?”
“He knew it here.” She patted her chest.
“Is that what your mama said?” Susan had been such a romantic.
Annie shook her head. “I just know it. Right, Joey?”
Joey considered her question. “I don’t know.” At the fear and hope laced through his words, Wade’s throat tightened. Joey was awfully young to be afraid of love, though perhaps he had as much reason as Wade did. But Wade didn’t care to see such doubt in his nephew and decided he would tell a story about a cowboy who loved a lady.
“She was a beautiful lady,” he said.
Annie sighed. “Like Missy.”
Wade didn’t argue the point. How could he when he pictured Missy in the role? Not that he saw himself as the cowboy. Nope, that wasn’t a part he intended to take.
“This young lady liked to cook and sing and play the piano. She liked children and hoped she could have dozens of them.” He swallowed back a bitter taste in his mouth. How had his story gone from thinking of Missy to thinking of Tomasina?
“Did she?” Joey asked.
“What?” He’d gotten lost in his thoughts.
“Did she have lots of kids?”
“She did. Six little boys and six little girls.” Might as well make the story big and give it a happier ending than his own.
“And the cowboy played games with them?” Joey leaned over him, his face so close Wade could smell his little-boy scent. Joey’s eyes were intent. Wade realized play was very important to this child.
“He sure did. He played ball and chase and tag and taught all the children to ride and rope.”
Joey flopped to the bed and stared up at the ceiling. “I wish...”
Wade waited and when Joey didn’t finish he pulled him back to his chest so they stared into each other’s eyes again. “What do you wish?”
Joey looked at Wade’s chin. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Hey, it’s Christmas. What better time to wish for something?”
Joey’s eyes slowly came to Wade’s. “I wish we had a home and...”
“Our mama and papa.” Annie finished for him.
Joey flung himself from Wade’s arms and lay stiffly on the bed. “See? I knew it was impossible.”
“I’ll make sure you have a nice home.”
Both children sat up and looked at him. “Here? With you?”
“We’re all going to stay here until I sort things out.”
The pair looked at each other, their mouths in matching frowns. It was the best he could offer. Someday they would understand that.
“Miss Porter is going to help look after you.” He hoped they would see it as a fair exchange for him not being able to fulfill their dreams.
“I like Missy Porter,” Joey said, a goofy look on his face.
“You should address her as Miss Porter.”
The boy’s brow furrowed. “What’s the difference between Miss and Missy?”
“One letter. Y.”
“Because I was wondering.”
Wade grinned secretly at Joey’s literal understanding of why and y. It would be fun to watch the kids grow and learn. He clamped down on the thought. He wouldn’t be the one enjoying it.
Before the sadness could find lodging in his heart, he heard footsteps in the hall. The household was awake. Good. He could get up before the children delved any deeper into the mysteries of life. “Get dressed and then we’ll go to the kitchen.”
Both children hopped off the bed.
“Mind you be quiet in case the babies are asleep.”
Annie’s rushing footsteps stalled. “I wish we had a baby brother or sister.” A ragged breath rushed from her lungs, then she sighed dramatically. “Guess Mary and Martha will have to be my babies.” She trudged to the adjoining room as if she had lost something she valued.
Wade slipped into his shirt and trousers and began to follow, intending to comfort the child, but he made it as far as the doorway and saw she was dressed and singing to her dolls. He grinned. Drama should have been her middle name. “Are you two ready to go downstairs?”
They sprang to his side, as eager to go down as he was suddenly reluctant. He did not like uncertainty and at the moment everything about his life was a question. Would the Fort Macleod family continue with adoption plans? How long would it be before he could be on his way to Stuart’s ranch? And most uncertain of all...was he asking for a continual dose of disapproval by enlisting Missy’s help with the children?
He filled his lungs and squared his shoulders as they reached the bottom step. He was about to find out what he’d gotten himself into.
* * *
Missy had been up for some time. She’d made coffee, mixed up biscuits and put them to bake. She’d set the table, sliced bacon and put it to fry.
Linette had come downstairs several minutes ago, her eyes shadowed. “I think Jonathan has his days and nights mixed up,” she’d said. “I hope we didn’t keep you awake.”
“Not at all. I had a good sleep.” Apart from a few moments when Missy wondered what she’d gotten herself into by agreeing to care for the children, then insisting Wade be involved. Not that she regretted the first. Not in the least. In fact, her mind flooded with things she could do to make the time special and comforting for the children.
But with Wade at her side?
There was something about that man that put her nerves on edge. It was more than the fact she thought him too much like Gordie. Not that she thought him dishonest and living outside the law. No, that wasn’t what bothered her. It was his attitude toward the children. He seemed to be doing his best to be rid of them, and yet he was so obviously fond of them. It was such a strange contrast that she couldn’t decide what to think. But then what did it matter? He’d offered to pay her and she’d take his money, but more than that, she’d enjoy her time with the two children.
She’d fallen asleep with a smile on her face as she’d played over the scenes with them—opening gifts, going through their belongings, hugging each other, feeling little Annie’s arms about her neck...
Missy heard a footstep in the hall and turned, a smile filling her face. It was only Eddie. She told herself she wasn’t disappointed and returned to setting out preserves for the biscuits.
At the sound of more footsteps she looked up again, slowly this time. It was Louise and Nate with baby Chloe.
Louise looked as if she had gotten little sleep. “Chloe still won’t sleep without being rocked.”
“You two sit,” Missy told the two new mothers. “I’ll take care of breakfast.” She tended the bacon and broke a dozen eggs into a fry pan.
“Good morning.”
At Wade’s greeting she almost dropped the next egg. With one hand pressed to the thudding pulse in her neck, she spun about. His hair was slicked back and his eyes bright. Obviously he’d slept well. A child clung to each hand.
Annie held her dolls. Joey swung back and forth as if clutching a school yard swing, making Wade sway slightly.
Missy grinned. “Good morning.” Her gaze rested on each child, then came to Wade.
He grinned back as if realizing she found Joey’s play amusing. “These two are raring to go.”
Joey paused. “We’re going to the barn, aren’t we?”
“After breakfast and chores.” The resigned note in Wade’s voice gave Missy cause to think he might have had to explain it a few times already.
“Breakfast is about ready.” She returned to the stove and a few minutes later put the food on the table.
“I surely do appreciate your help,” Linette said.
“It’s my pleasure.” For some reason she wasn’t ready to explore, Missy liked helping in this house. She did it not out of obligation or duty but because she wanted to, and perhaps that made all the difference. Not to mention it was appreciated.
Grady, Joey and Annie chattered freely at the table and the adults gave them attention, just as her mama and papa had done with her.
Reliving her memories of her parents through these children was better than any Christmas present Missy could have wished for, and she knew a sense of joy and rightness she had not known since her parents had died.
The meal over, the men excused themselves.
Eddie stood at Linette’s side. “Is there anything you need before I tend to chores?”
She pressed her hand to her husband’s arm. “I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about us.” She glanced toward the cradle where little Jonathan slept peacefully.
“I’ll give you a hand.” Wade joined Eddie and Nate as they left the house.
Joey and Annie stared after their uncle. Annie’s lips trembled.
Missy sprang into action before they could start crying or worrying. “I need help with the dishes.”
Linette wanted to help, but Missy shooed her away. “Sit and rest while you can.”
She assigned each child a chore and turned putting food away into a game of “what’s next?” Laughter rang through the kitchen.
“You’re very good with the children,” Linette observed.
Missy chuckled. “It’s because I’m not much more than a child myself.”
Linette and Louise both snorted. Louise shook her head. “When was the last time you looked in a mirror?”
Missy grinned, purposely misunderstanding her. “Why, is my hair untidy?”
Louse chuckled. “You’d be beautiful whether your hair was tousled or tied back in a tight bun.”
“Thank you.” Missy hugged her sister-in-law.
Annie watched, her eyes studying Missy’s hair. “You have awfully pretty hair.” She yanked at her tangled locks. “Mine is ugly.”
Missy grabbed the child and hugged her. “Not so. The first time I saw you, I thought what a pretty little girl. With those big dark eyes and thick curls, you could never be anything but beautiful.” She eyed the child’s hair. It could do with a brushing and maybe some styling.
“As soon as the dishes are done, I will fix your hair so pretty you won’t recognize yourself.” She stuck her hands in the dishpan full of hot soapy water and a stack of plates.
Annie grabbed a drying towel and handed one to each of the boys. “Let’s hurry.”
The women chuckled at her eagerness, and in no time the kitchen was clean and the dishes done. Missy got her brush and sat behind Annie. Slowly, gently, she worked the tangles out of the curly hair. As she brushed she talked to the children about the stagecoach trip she and Louise had recently completed.
“Weren’t you scared?” Joey asked, when she told about the snowstorm they had been forced to travel through.
“Maybe a little, but the men seemed to know what they were doing. I was awfully glad to get to the next stopping house, though.” Equally glad when the storm ended and they could move on. The old man at the stopping house had done his best to get Missy interested in his advances. She stopped a shiver before it could race through her body.
She French braided Annie’s hair into a thick rope, then showed the girl a mirror. “What do you think?”
Annie stared into the glass a long time and when she lifted her face to Missy, tears filled her eyes. “Mama braided my hair like this,” she whispered.
Missy hugged the child. “I hope it’s okay that I did it, too.” Perhaps Annie preferred to remember her mama’s hands on her hair.
“I like it being like Mama did it.”
Joey had slipped away to the window overlooking the ranch, and Missy went to him.
He leaned on the ledge, peering at the scene down the hill. “I don’t see him.”
Missy knew he meant Wade. “He’s there someplace helping with the chores.”
Joey turned and fixed her with a demanding, yet sorrowful look. “What’s going to happen to us?”
Missy’s throat tightened. She’d agreed the children should enjoy some special days before they were faced with the truth, but oh, how she wished she could give them assurance that their future was secure, that they would stay with the one person they knew and loved.
But Wade had made his plans clear, as well as his reasons.
“What’s going to happen? We are going to enjoy a special Boxing Day celebration.”
Annie’s eyes grew wide. She covered her mouth with her hand.
“What’s wrong, honey?” Missy asked.
“We need a star.” The child’s voice trembled.
“What kind of star?”
“A paper star to take to the barn. We hang it over the manger.”
“Don’t you worry. We’ll find a star.”
Missy asked Linette for paper and scissors. She pointed her toward the cupboard. “There’s brown paper and everything you need in there.”
Missy led Joey and Annie to the cupboard, while Grady hung back at Linette’s side, looking down at his sleeping baby brother.
“Will this do?” Missy asked.
Annie and Joey nodded in unison.
She spread the paper on the table. “How big?”
“Big,” Annie said. “Real big so the wise men can see it.”
Missy sketched a five-pointed star on the one-foot-square piece of paper. “Is this good?”
The children nodded, their gazes riveted to the sheet.
She cut the star out.
“I’ll carry it,” Joey said, and Annie didn’t argue.
Joey returned to the window. “Uncle Wade won’t forget, will he?” Worry darkened his voice.
Missy glanced past him. “Look. He’s just leaving the barn.”
The children rushed for their coats, except for Grady, who held back. “Mama, they said I could go, too.”
Linette glanced at Missy, who nodded. “Wade said it was okay.”
“Very well, you may join them.”
There ensued a flurry of activity—struggling into coats and hurrying to do up the buttons, finding hats and scarves and boots. By the time Wade stepped inside, three children bundled up for winter waited at the door.
He gazed at the children, a puzzled expression on his face. “Looks like you’re going out.”
Three heads nodded.
“Got something planned, do you?” He kept his voice quizzical, but Missy saw the flash of teasing in his eyes and leaned back to watch how it would play out.
Annie nodded decisively, but the two boys looked at each other as if to check if they had misunderstood the plans.
“Anything I should know about?” Wade asked.
“Uncle Wade.” Annie’s voice dripped with impatience. “You know we’re going to the barn for Boxing Day.”
“Oh, that. I thought we had all day to do it. I didn’t know you were so eager.”
“We’re ready now.” Annie emphasized the last word.
Joey watched.
Missy sensed his uncertainty. The child half expected to be disappointed. She wanted to warn Wade not to tease too long, but before she could speak, Wade tugged his nephew’s hat. “You ready, too?”
Joey nodded, his eyes filling with eagerness.
“How about you?” Wade tugged Grady’s hat next.
“I’m ready.”
“Then let’s go.” He reached for Annie’s hand.
Missy hadn’t been included. She hoped her smile looked sincere, when inside she fought disappointment. Somehow she’d seen herself as part of this mysterious celebration.
Wade waited at the door. “Hurry and get your coat,” he said to her.
Missy hurried.
Joey reached for her hand at the door and she offered her other one to Grady.
They trooped down the snow-crusted hill to the barn and stepped into the dim interior. The smells of horses and hay filled the air. Dust motes drifted past the squares of light from the row of windows. The nearest horse turned and whinnied a greeting.
Eddie stood to one side, watching without intruding.
Wade led them toward an empty stall. “Here we are. A manger for us to prepare. Who wants to put in fresh hay?”
“That’s my job.” Joey handed the paper star to his sister and took the pitchfork that had been placed nearby. He lifted fresh hay from a little pile and spread it as carefully as a hand-knit blanket.
The door swung open and Daisy and her sister and brothers slipped in. They approached the group, each clutching something in their hands.
Again the door opened and closed as three cowboys stepped inside and came to stand by Eddie.
Wade grinned. “Seems word got around about the Boxing Day event.”
“You don’t mind?” Missy wasn’t sure if this was a private family occasion.
“Everyone is welcome, right, kids?”
Annie and Joey murmured agreement, but their attention remained on smoothing the hay in the manger. Finally satisfied, they stepped back. “The manager is ready just like it would have been for baby Jesus.”
“I have the star.” Annie handed it to Wade. “Can you please hang it for me?”
Wade must have known about the star. Of course he would. This was a family tradition. He stuck it on a nail above the manger.
The children stepped back, forcing Wade to crowd to Missy’s side. She thought of moving, but there was nowhere to go, so she stayed where she was, Wade’s arm brushing hers. She felt him in every pore, the scent of him, fresh hay and old leather, the size and strength and determination of him. And something more. Something that transcended the five senses. She didn’t know what it was, but knew she wasn’t mistaken in thinking there was more to him than what a person saw on the surface.
Her nerves twitched. Her cheeks burned. Why was she assuming to know his feelings? She knew practically nothing about the man, and what she did know she wanted to change. Her desire was to see the children stay with him, not go to strangers, despite his reasons for feeling he had to make this decision.
She stiffened, trying to pretend she was unaware that their arms touched. She was here only to encourage and support the children and to help take care of them. But she fully intended to use what little time she had to convince him not to send away two little ones who adored him.
Joey signaled to the waiting children and Daisy led them forward.
“I brought a blanket,” she said, and spread a worn cloth over the hay.
Daisy lifted her youngest sibling, little Pansy, who dropped a bright button to the blanket. “I bring shiny.”
Their brothers, Neil and Billy, stepped forward. Little Billy left a cookie, Neil a red feather.
Grady had disappeared into the tack room and emerged with a leather strap. “He’ll need this to fix things.”
The children crowded around the manger and the cowboys moved closer.
Missy turned to smile at Wade. “The first Christmas Day must have been like this.”
He nodded, his eyes full of dark mystery as if he was caught somewhere between the past and the present, perhaps remembering other occasions when he’d taken part in this ceremony.
Joey caught Wade’s hand, drawing his attention away from Missy.
“Mama taught Annie a song to sing when we did this.”
“She did?” Wade squatted to face the children.
Missy watched emotions journey across his face. First surprise, then sadness and then love for the two children clutching his hands.
She didn’t know what prompted her action, but she rested her hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. All she wanted was to let him know she sympathized with the tangle of emotions he must be feeling—sorrow at the loss of his sister and brother-in-law, and sadness at facing the further loss of these children.
But something else happened when her palm touched him. She felt a yearning, as strong and undeniable as his muscles under her hand.
She jerked back. What was she thinking? Wade did not offer what she wanted and needed. He was a wandering cowboy who considered those he loved to be inconvenient to his way of life. Her mind said her judgment might be a little harsh but her heart felt the familiar pain of being a burden to someone.
The children should not feel that way.
And yet didn’t they deserve to be with an uncle who loved them?
How could he love them and plan to give them away?
It was a question she meant to put to him. There had to be a way for him to keep the children, and she’d help him find it.
Chapter Three (#ulink_7c4c1ed5-286a-5500-9d31-bf1452bea7aa)
Wade’s heart had momentarily stalled when Missy’s hand pressed his shoulder. Perhaps she had come to understand the wisdom of his decision regarding the children and, seeing how difficult it was to think of saying perhaps a final goodbye to them, offered her sympathy. It would be nice to have someone stand by him through a wrenching farewell.
Then she’d removed her hand, leaving a cold spot on his shoulder and an empty hole in his heart as reason returned. No sense hoping she would change her opinion of him.
He brought his thoughts back to the here and now. “Annie, I’d love to hear your song.”
The child stood before the manger, her hands folded at her waist, and faced those gathered before her. She smiled widely, her eyes shone and she looked beyond them as if seeing something the rest couldn’t.
Wade guessed she was seeing her mama, perhaps thinking of the times they’d spent learning this song and so much more. Susan had always been a good teacher even when they were children together. His throat tightened with sweet memories.
Then Annie began to sing, her clear, sweet voice reaching to the rafters.
“O come, little children, come one and come all,
O come to the manger in Bethlehem’s stall,
And see what our Father in heaven above,
Has sent to us all on this earth with his love.”
Wade couldn’t stop the tears that stung his eyes nor the lump that swelled in his throat. He would not weep. Not in front of all these people. Joey grabbed his hand and squeezed hard. He dared not look at the boy, who was likely assaulted by memories every bit as much as Wade himself.
On his other side, he reached for Missy’s hand, not allowing himself time to consider his actions or forecast what her reaction would be. He only knew he needed to hang on to something—someone who wouldn’t let him go. When she gripped his hand and rubbed his arm, he drank in her comfort. There’d be time enough later to tell himself she could save her sympathy for the children.
He didn’t dare look at the other cowboys in the barn, but a muffled cough or two informed him there might be others struggling with sad memories and overwhelming emotions.
Annie finished and her audience clapped loudly. She curtsied, then hurried to Wade and pressed against his legs. He lifted her in his arms. She buried her face against his neck and he held on tight. He never wanted to let her or Joey go. But he’d promised to see they got a good home and he meant to keep his promise. He had nothing to offer them. Even if he did, they deserved far better.
One by one the men left. Daisy led her brothers and sister away. Grady had gone with Eddie. Only Wade, Missy and the children remained.
“I’ll leave you with the children,” she murmured, and slipped away from his side.
For some strange, inexplicable reason he wanted to call her back, but he had no cause. Yes, she’d agreed to help with the children, but how much help did he need to stand with them in a barn stall? So he shrugged and said nothing.
“Where you going?” Annie’s voice rose to a squeak.
Missy stopped and smiled at the child. “I think you and Joey need to be alone with your uncle.”
Annie’s bottom lip quivered and Joey, trying his best to be strong, squeezed Wade’s hand hard enough to send a thread of admiration through his unsettled thoughts. The boy had a good grip for one so young.
“Please don’t go,” Annie begged, and reached out for Missy’s hand.
She looked at Wade, seeking his decision. “No reason you have to run off,” he said, not realizing how unwelcoming his words sounded until they were uttered. “We aren’t staying much longer, anyway.” That didn’t sound much better. Best he just shut his mouth before he made things worse.
“Very well.” Missy straightened and faced him squarely. The flash in her blue-green eyes made him blink. Was she silently trying to tell him something? What? He searched through his scrambled thoughts but could find no clue.
“Is that the end of the Boxing Day event?” Annie asked, about the time the silence between them grew heavy.
He jerked his attention back to the scene before him. The manager lay as if prepared for the baby Jesus. The children watched him, waiting for him to answer, perhaps even to suggest how the day was to proceed. The light from the barn windows formed a glow about Missy’s head. Feathers of her blond hair captured the pale yellow light. Her bright eyes were like beacons in the sky.
“Uncle Wade?” Joey jerked on his arm. “Is that all there is?”
Faint expectation colored the boy’s words. Joey, he’d come to realize, did not allow himself to hope for things, fearing disappointment, or worse, pain, sorrow, loss. How well Wade understood the boy’s caution, but Joey was too young to let life’s uncertainties keep him from enjoying life’s joys.
“I’m sure there’s lots of good things ahead. Let’s go back to the house and see what’s next.” He led them down the alley and held the barn door for them to step out.
Annie grabbed Joey’s hand. “Let’s run.”
Wade followed Missy from the barn. “Wanna run?”
She laughed—a sweet pure sound like a morning bird. “Not today, thanks.”
They fell in step side by side. He matched his stride to hers, content to take his time reaching the house. The children ran and skipped and played tag with each other.
“It’s good to see them enjoying the day,” he offered, hoping she would see he gave them enough to make them happy for the present. If only he could offer them the future. He slammed a door on such thoughts. A man must do what was right. Not necessarily what suited him.
“Children know how to make the most of the moment,” she said, though he detected a hesitation in her voice, as if she didn’t quite believe it. Then she continued, “But I suppose even children can’t ignore the past or the future.”
She stopped, and he did also. He faced her, knowing from the expression on her face he wouldn’t care for what she had to say.
“Wade, why won’t you make a home for these children? It’s obvious they love you and you love them.”
Her words ripped a bleeding path through his heart. She would never understand and he wouldn’t try to explain his reasons, so he simply repeated the words he’d said to himself seconds before. “A man must do what is right. Not necessarily what suits him. I promised their mother I would see they got a good home and I intend to do just that.” Wade turned to stare ahead, seeing nothing but the agony of his own regrets and failures. If only he was a better man, one who could take care of those who depended on him.
His heart hurt so bad he thought it might bleed out through his pores.
Missy caught his arm, sending a jolt through him. “You could give them a good home.”
He shook his head and refused to look at her, instead focusing his attention on the spot where her hand touched his arm. He drew in a deep breath. “I can’t.” He would say no more. “But I promised them we’d celebrate Christmas.” That gave him an idea. “You must have done something special as a family the day after Christmas.”
Her fingers pressed into his arm as if a spasm had passed through them. She blinked and then her eyes widened. “We did but I’d forgotten. How could I?” Her gaze bored into him as if searching for the reason. “I was thirteen when my parents died. Old enough to remember all the things we’d done, yet somehow, I’ve forgotten much of it.” Her eyes fairly danced and pleasure filled her face. She laughed low in her throat. “Mama had us write down all the good things from the past and a prayer for the New Year.” Her expression flattened. “I don’t suppose that would be a good activity for Annie and Joey.”
Wanting to bring the joy back to her eyes, Wade said, “Why not? Might be fun.”
She nodded slowly. “I always enjoyed it. Sometimes we did a play, too.”
“Did you write them?” He could almost picture her enthusiasm as she made up a story and acted it out with her siblings. Then he remembered. “Did you only have the one sibling?”
She nodded. “Just Gordie.” Sorrow laced the words and somehow, without planning it, Wade had captured her hands and held them between his own, trying to warm them even though it was only moderately cold out.
“It hurts to lose a brother.”
The smile she gave him trembled. “Or a sister.”
Their gazes locked as they silently offered understanding and sympathy. And found comfort. At least he did. He could only wish he successfully gave it to her as well, but had he? He’d thought he gave Tomasina what she needed, but he’d failed.
He dropped Missy’s hands. “How about we follow your suggestion after lunch?”
“Okay.” She tucked her hands into her sleeves, hiding them completely.
They continued on their way up the hill, watching as the children scampered into the house. When they finally reached the threshold, Missy stepped across and Wade began to close the door.
“Aren’t you coming in?” she asked, stopping him.
“I’m going to help with the chores.” He shut the door between them and remained motionless as he tried to put his feelings into perspective.
He could deal with this upcoming goodbye better if Missy Porter didn’t continually suggest with words and looks that he was somehow failing the children.
She had no idea how badly a man could fail.
* * *
Missy stared at the door. Then she shrugged. He had every right to leave her to care for the children while he did other things. She fully intended he would not regret one penny he paid her. In fact, if she managed things right, she might even make him see that he could give the children the home they deserved. He’d have to remarry or hire a housekeeper, but surely providing the children with a home was reason enough to choose a woman who would put the children’s interests above her own.
I could marry him.
She snorted as the thought echoed in her mind. She had other plans. And even if she didn’t, she had no desire to be seen as a necessary nuisance again. If she ever married— She stopped before she could complete the thought. Knowing how fragile life was, how easily it could be snatched away, leaving the survivors floundering, she didn’t plan to marry.
But if she ever changed her mind, she would marry for love. A great, consuming, overwhelming love that made it impossible to think of any option other than marriage, other than being bound together until death parted them.
She would do her utmost to help Wade find a suitable woman. Her shoulders sagged. She was hundreds of miles from where she knew all the maiden ladies. The only women she knew at Eden Valley Ranch were happily married. Where would she find someone willing to marry Wade and become a parent to Joey and Annie? It was impossible.
With God, all things are possible.
Please, Father God, send someone to love the children and be willing to marry Wade to give them the home they deserve.
Dismissing her hesitation at uttering the prayer, she went to the kitchen to help prepare dinner. The children played nearby, their gazes often darting to her as she worked.
“There’s more butter in the pantry,” Linette said, as Missy set out the meal.
Missy went to get it. When she returned, Annie and Joey stood at the end of the table, eyes wide, expressions drawn tight. Oh, no, had they thought she’d dropped out of their lives just because she’d disappeared for a moment? Her heart twisted within her chest, making her head feel light from lack of air. She set the butter aside and pulled them both to her side. “I promised I would take care of you as long as you are here, and I will.” And lest they thought it was only because she felt she had to, she knelt to face them. “I cannot think of anything in the world I would sooner do than spend time with you two.”
Annie threw her arms about Missy’s neck and hung on, her breath rushing out in a hot gust.
Joey would have hung back, but Missy pulled him against her other shoulder and pressed his head close. She smiled with a heart full of joy that she could help this pair. She knew the pain she would feel when they were wrenched away to their new home, but this was one pain she would not regret.
The outer door opened and Wade stepped inside. He took in the two children cradled in Missy’s arms and his eyes narrowed. She had no way of knowing what he thought of the scene and at the moment she did not care. She was only following her heart.
A few minutes later, the others joined them around the dinner table. As soon as the meal ended, Missy jumped up before either Louise or Linette could get to their weary feet. “You two take your babies and have a rest while I clean up.”
With grateful nods, the new mothers left the room.
“Thank you,” Eddie said.
“Yes, thank you.” Nate gave her a sideways hug.
The three men lingered over coffee as Missy did the dishes and the children played nearby.
“Are you done?” She indicated the empty coffee cups.
“Done.” Eddie pushed back his chair as she scooped them up and washed them. “Nate, why don’t I take a look at that broken wheel on your wagon?”
“I’ll help.” Wade followed the men, reaching for his coat on the hook by the door.
Missy planted herself in front of him. “What about our plans?” Had he already forgotten? She could live with being so easily dismissed, but wouldn’t allow it for the children.
His eyebrows headed upward. “We have plans?”
Heat rushed up her neck and pooled in her cheeks. He’d misunderstood, thought she mean the two of them. “An activity for the children?” she managed to choke out.
“Oh, that.” He let out a gust of air.
She narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. Was it so challenging to think of spending time with her? Would she always be a necessary nuisance to others?
Not if she learned to be a secretary and no longer depended on anyone else.
“I can do it myself if you have other things you need to do.” She would not be treated as a nuisance. And she saw no reason the children should be, either.
“We can get along without you,” Eddie told him.
Missy hadn’t realized the two men waited at the door. What must they think of her? First, asking for Wade to stay, then practically telling him to leave? She must sound silly.
She drew her chin in. She was not silly, though perhaps a little confused by her unusual reaction to the events in which she found herself. Caring so deeply about the children and their future, torn between her feelings of being unwanted and her desire to see Wade give the children a home.
Wade returned his coat to the hook by the door. “Let’s do it.”
The other men left without him.
Linette had told Missy where to find paper and pencils, and invited her to use what she needed. She got four sheets of paper and four pencils and laid them out at the table. Grady had gone upstairs with his mama, but Joey and Annie watched with interest.
“What are we going to do?” Annie asked.
“You showed me a tradition from your family. Now I’m going to show you a tradition from mine.” She explained what they’d done when Mama and Papa were alive.
Annie took up her pencil. “But I can’t write.”
“I’ll... We’ll help you.” The look she gave Wade informed him he was part of this.
His gaze captured hers. “We’ll work together.” His quiet response brought a rush of heat to her heart. She needed to stop judging him as if he was Gordie. She had to stop letting her feelings of rejection color her attitude toward him.
“Joey writes his name very well.” At Wade’s softly spoken words, she sucked in a deep breath.
“Fine, put your name on the top of your page.” She wrote her name on hers and helped Annie, who sat at her side.
Wade and Joey, sitting side by side, wrote their names.
“Now what?” Joey asked, sounding a bit uncertain.
“Now we start listing all the good things about the past year.”
The three of them stared at the blank page, no doubt thinking the death of two people they loved and missed could not be considered good. But her goal was to help them find good despite the tragedy of their lives.
Holding the pencil, her hand hovered over the paper as she realized she needed this exercise as much as they did. “There are things in life that make us unhappy and sad.” Her voice was low. She hoped they wouldn’t hear the strain that made her throat tight. “Those things are like clouds hiding the sun.” To illustrate, she drew a little sketch. “Some clouds are white and fluffy. Some are dark and heavy.” She added a dark one to her drawing. “But if we push them aside, the sun is still shining and it makes things bright.” She erased the clouds and drew a field of flowers and trees and birds.
Annie nodded. “That’s nice.”
Joey and Wade wore matching expressions of doubt.
Missy smiled at how alike they were. “Let’s see how many good things we can remember. I’ll go first.” She bent over the paper and wrote “Baby Chloe.” “I love my little niece and I am so happy she’s here.”
Joey’s expression relaxed a bit, but Wade’s was still tight.
Missy looked at the three who shared the table. “Who wants to go next?”
“Me.” Annie edged her paper toward Missy. “Write your name.”
“My name?” Missy wasn’t sure she understood the child’s intent.
“Yes. I’m glad we found you.”
Missy’s heart stalled. Her gaze slid toward Wade. He watched her unblinkingly, his blue eyes giving away nothing. She swallowed hard. Did he object to the child’s request? Perhaps he was concerned Missy would have a bad influence on the children, that she’d suggest they should bombard him with demands for him to keep them. No, she silently informed him. She’d be the one doing the bombarding.
Joey bent over his paper. “I want to write her name, too.”
Wade jerked his attention to the boy and Missy turned back to Annie. She wrote her name on Annie’s paper.
Wade spelled out her name for Joey to print on his paper and then, to Missy’s consternation, he wrote it on his own. She stared at the letters forming her name. Black. Thick. Solid. She tried to make sense of seeing them on his page, in what was supposed to be a list of good things. If she’d given it a bit of thought she might have predicted the children would count her as a good thing. But Wade? She fought to keep from looking at him.
“Is that bad?” Joey asked, misconstruing her silence.
She turned her attention back to the children. “Not at all. I’m so touched I can’t think of what to say.”
Annie patted Missy’s hand. “You’ll think of something.”
Missy chuckled. “I suppose I will.”
Satisfied that things were back to normal, Annie studied Missy’s page. “What else are you going to put on yours?”
“You two for sure.” She wrote their names.
“But what about Uncle Wade?” At the uncertainty in Joey’s voice, Missy held the pencil poised above the paper, wanting to satisfy the boy, but not wanting to give Wade cause to think her too forward.
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Linda Ford
The Cowboy's FamilyMissy Porter knows all too well about losing a family, so she'll do anything to keep cowboy Wade Snyder and his orphaned niece and nephew together. Even put her own plans of independence on hold—temporarily—to help care for the children during Christmas. But in helping to fix this family, she realizes she wants to be more than just the nanny.Wade has never recovered from the unexpected loss of his wife. Now he doesn't think he can be the family man that little Annie and Joey deserve. So he's determined to find the children a loving adoptive home. But with Missy by his side, his long-forgotten dream of happily-ever-after might just be within reach…Christmas in Eden Valley: Forging a future in Canada's west country
The Cowboy’s Family
Missy Porter knows all too well about losing a family, so she’ll do anything to keep cowboy Wade Snyder and his orphaned niece and nephew together. Even put her own plans of independence on hold—temporarily—to help care for the children during Christmas. But in helping to fix this family, she realizes she wants to be more than just the nanny.
Wade has never recovered from the unexpected loss of his wife. Now he doesn’t think he can be the family man that little Annie and Joey deserve. So he’s determined to find the children a loving adoptive home. But with Missy by his side, his long-forgotten dream of happily-ever-after might just be within reach…
“I would never settle for a marriage of convenience, which is what you are suggesting,” Missy said.
Wade lifted one shoulder. He hadn’t suggested it at all. He simply wanted her to stop hammering on her opinion that he should find a way to keep the children. “It’s what you’re suggesting on my behalf.”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
She didn’t get the opportunity to answer as in the distance, the house door banged shut.
She jerked her gaze away. “The children… Are you coming back in?”
When he didn’t answer, she met his look again, her eyes full of hopes and wishes and, as he looked deeper, a hint of a challenge. He averted his eyes before she could see his doubt, the depth of his failure, his sorrow, the emptiness of his heart.
If only he could allow himself to think of marrying again. It would enable him to keep the children.
But both were out of the question.
LINDA FORD lives on a ranch in Alberta, Canada, near enough to the Rocky Mountains that she can enjoy them on a daily basis. She and her husband raised fourteen children—four homemade, ten adopted. She currently shares her home and life with her husband, a grown son, a live-in paraplegic client and a continual (and welcome) stream of kids, kids-in-law, grandkids, and assorted friends and relatives.
A Home for Christmas
Linda Ford
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Sing to God, sing in praise of His name, extol Him who rides on the clouds; rejoice before Him—His name is the Lord. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families.
—Psalms 68:4–6
To my readers: may you find the real joy that Christmas brings.
Contents
Cover (#ub984c6da-4ace-5a36-8916-7ae049dd98e0)
Back Cover Text (#ua37fb11f-c17d-553c-858d-b668a914c2dc)
Introduction (#u0f6d044b-3a1f-5f58-ac4e-e2512f76fd85)
About the Author (#uddee4ee3-16e1-5321-ada3-10e579b07b84)
Title Page (#ue4da615d-3dec-5917-8027-ca9bfc7de88f)
Bible Verse (#u4ec30a86-4f3f-5422-b8b5-49e293c7850f)
Dedication (#uf2a42a9f-26b9-5653-a300-1ec3eea91f0b)
Chapter One (#ulink_788ea196-13db-5320-9554-57944850c1ab)
Chapter Two (#ulink_c0421c7c-eeeb-54fe-889a-c529d50cfc64)
Chapter Three (#ulink_07839034-9f4a-528d-be61-89cd65ee10f7)
Chapter Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Dear Reader (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One (#ulink_c5341dfb-6b70-5627-acc3-3ef58339ba68)
Christmas 1882 Eden Valley Ranch, Edendale, Alberta
“We aren’t having Christmas this year, are we, Uncle Wade?” Joey asked the question, but his sister, Annie, regarded Wade with both anxiety and accusation in her big brown eyes.
“Joey, I’m doing the best I can.” It was Christmas Day and Wade Snyder had failed to give the young children a home and a family. His failure hung about his shoulders like a water-soaked blanket.
Joey hung his head and mumbled under his breath, but Wade heard him. “That means no and we aren’t supposed to be upset.”
Wade had done everything he could to see that his recently orphaned niece and nephew were settled someplace for Christmas, but all his attempts of the past three months had met with failure. The Bauers, a couple from Fort Macleod who expressed an interest in adopting the pair, had failed to appear on the latest stagecoach. Instead, they’d sent a letter saying they would be there at a later date. One they failed to give him.
With that plan scuttled, he’d thought to spend the day with his friend Lane, a single man like himself, but Lane had other plans. He’d been invited to spend Christmas with a family that had recently moved in south of Lane and had a beautiful, marriageable-aged daughter.
As if those disappointments weren’t enough to contend with, Wade had encountered a young lady in Edendale who had overheard him explaining to the children that he would be leaving and they couldn’t go with him.
A pretty young thing with blue-green eyes and a halo of golden hair. Not that he’d given her more than a passing glance. She’d confronted him, her eyes flashing with a whole lot of emotions that he pretended not to notice.
“You need to give these children the assurance they aren’t a nuisance,” she’d said. “They’ve lost their parents. Shouldn’t that be reason enough to make a few sacrifices on their behalf?”
He’d edged past her before she could say more. How had she learned so much about the children in the few minutes he’d been in the store? And what did she know about what he should or shouldn’t do? Or what he could or could not do, for that matter? He hadn’t even been able to look after his wife, a full-grown woman. How could he hope to take care of two children? Besides, one would only have to take a look at his cowboy way of life to know he couldn’t give his niece and nephew a home.
He turned the wagon toward the west. For several turns of the wheels on the frozen ground he allowed himself to wish things could be different and he could keep Joey and little Annie. They were all the family he had left. But the plain and simple truth was he couldn’t care for them.
No, he’d do what was best for the kids.
Once the two were taken care of, he would ride up into the hills where his friend Stuart ran a ranch. Every year, after a few weeks visiting his sister and enjoying Christmas with her and her family, Wade took over for Stuart while he went south to visit his mother.
Every year, Stuart made him the same offer. “Throw in with me. We’ll be partners. It’s time you settled down.”
Every year, Wade refused. He’d once had a home of his own, a wife and dreams of a family. All his hopes had come crashing to an end when he discovered his wife dead in their bed. She’d taken her own life. He hadn’t even noticed how unhappy she was, had put down her frequent dark moods to the fact she’d failed to get pregnant. He’d done his best to console her and assure her she was all that mattered to him.
Her death taught him a valuable lesson. One he didn’t care to repeat. He couldn’t look after those he loved. Couldn’t judge what they needed. Wasn’t enough for them. So he rode all summer for some ranch outfit, spent Christmas with his sister and family, then took Stuart’s place on his ranch until spring, when Wade repeated the process. It was what he’d done for the past six of his twenty-six years.
Annie edged forward from the back of the wagon box where the pair had been sitting and perched her elbows on the bench. “Uncle Wade, do you like us?”
A groan tore from his heart but he swallowed back the sound. “Come here.” He pulled her to his lap. “You, too, Joey.” The boy climbed to the bench and crowded to Wade’s side.
Wade hugged them both. “I love you more than you’ll ever know.”
Annie nestled her head under his chin and sighed. “I miss Mama and Papa.” A sob stole the last of her words.
He tightened his arms around the pair. He missed his sister with an unending ache. “I know you do. I do, too.” Though his loss was but a fraction of theirs. “I tell you what. I’ll spend Christmas with you and we’ll have a real good time.”
He had purchased popping corn, ribbon candy and some gifts at Macpherson’s store. Wade pulled the wagon to a halt and, not knowing what the day might hold, handed them the gifts he’d purchased. Nothing much. A picture book for Annie and a pair of leather mittens with fringes for Joey.
The two smiled and thanked him, though their smiles seemed a little forced. Even a piece of the candy for each didn’t give them their usual joy. Presents and games wouldn’t replace a mama and a papa, but he’d do his best to help them have a good time. Handing out gifts in a wagon wasn’t a great start.
“I was afraid we wouldn’t have Christmas,” Annie whispered.
“We wouldn’t forget to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus.” He hadn’t told the pair what lay ahead for them except to say they couldn’t go with him. He was certain they’d welcome a new mama and papa, but he figured it was too soon after losing their own for them to see the wisdom of his decision. But hadn’t Susan’s last words been to demand a promise that he’d see they got a good home?
He turned off at the Eden Valley Ranch trail. Lane had said the people there welcomed strangers and people needing help. Well, he surely needed help if he was to give these kids the Christmas they deserved.
They approached the big house. Several wagons were drawn up to the door.
“Who lives here?” Joey asked as Annie clutched Wade’s arm.
“Nice people.” He figured they must be nice if they welcomed strangers.
“Do you know them?” Joey persisted.
“Only by reputation.”
The boy pressed into Wade’s side as if he meant to disappear. Wade’s heart squeezed out drops of sorrow and regret. He’d lost his sister and her husband to pneumonia. Susan had been his anchor since his wife died. Four years his senior, she was the only person in the world who made him believe in love and happiness. All that was left of her were her children. He loved them to the very depths of his soul and it about killed him to think of giving them up, but he must do what he’d promised. At that moment, Wade made himself another promise. He would do everything in his power to see that these kids had an extra-special Christmas before they got adopted by a new family.
He pulled the wagon to a halt and jumped down. As soon as the horses were tended to, he lifted the children from the wagon and, with one clutching each hand, crossed the few feet to the house. He stood there staring at the fine wooden door.
“Uncle Wade, aren’t you going to knock?” Annie asked.
Wade nodded. He had to do it. Had to have this one last Christmas with them, then let them go. He dropped Joey’s hand and rapped on the thick wood.
In a matter of seconds, the door opened. “Howdy, stranger, what can I do for you?” The man there looked and sounded friendly enough.
“I hear you help people.”
“We do if we can.”
“Then perhaps you’d let us spend Christmas with you. Me and these two children.”
“You’re more than welcome. Come right in.” He threw the door wide and ushered them inside.
Wade felt the eyes of a dozen people upon him but he noticed only one person.
The young lady from town who had scolded him royally. The flash in her eyes informed him she hadn’t changed her opinion of him. No doubt she’d see his visit as an opportunity to further chastise him.
His hopes for a pleasant Christmas lay whimpering at his feet.
* * *
Missy Porter’s mouth dropped open and she stared in a way that was most rude. At eighteen she knew better but she couldn’t help herself. It was that man. The one she’d spoken to in Edendale after overhearing a conversation between him and his niece and nephew. She’d paid his appearance scant attention then, but now gave it a thorough visual examination. He was tall and lean like an old piece of hickory. He wore a dusty cowboy hat and a denim winter coat, faded almost white where the sleeves folded when he bent his arms. She noticed a flash of blue as the light hit his eyes. When he took off his hat as soon as he stepped inside, his brown hair looked surprisingly well trimmed as if he’d recently visited a barber. But it was the determination in the set of his jaw that made her clamp her mouth shut and swallow loudly.
He was a hard man. One who would not understand the tender hearts of little children.
She shifted her attention to the two sweet children at his side. With dark brown eyes and dark brown hair, they were almost Spanish looking. The little boy did his best to look brave, while the girl blinked back tears.
Linette Gardiner, hostess and wife of the ranch owner, Eddie, rushed to the trio, her baby cradled in one arm. “Come in. Come in. Let me take your coats.” She waited while they shed their outerwear and hung it on the nearby hooks. “Now, whom do we have the pleasure of meeting?”
“Wade Snyder, ma’am, and this is my niece, Annie Lopez, and my nephew, Joey.”
“So pleased to meet you.” Linette squatted to eye level with the children. “Merry Christmas. I hope you like toys and food because that’s what’s in store for the day.”
“Oh, yes.” Little Annie’s eyes shone with joy.
Joey grinned widely, then his smile flattened. He leaned back. “Our mama and papa died and we thought we wouldn’t have Christmas this year.” He shot Wade an accusing look that echoed in Missy’s mind. From what she’d overheard, she knew he hadn’t planned on spending Christmas with them. It had sounded as if he planned to leave them and ride away. What kind of man would do that?
“I’m sorry to hear about your mama and papa.” Linette met Wade’s eyes.
“My sister and her husband,” he explained.
Linette paused, her hand pressed to her chest as if feeling a sympathetic pain, then turned back to the children. “How old are you two?”
“I’m seven,” said the boy. “My sister is five.”
“Then you’ll fit right in with the other children. Grady is almost six.” She indicated the crowd of children playing in one corner.
Joey and Annie clung to Wade’s leg.
Linette straightened and stepped back. “When you feel like it, you can join them. In the meantime, come and meet everyone.” She introduced Eddie first, then started around the large circle. There were so many young couples—Roper Jones and his wife, Cassie, who had arrived in Linette’s company a little over a year ago. Grace and Ward Walker, who lived on a little ranch nearby. Eddie’s sister, Jayne, and her new husband, Seth Collins.
As they continued around the circle, introducing yet more newlyweds—Sybil and Brand Duggan, Mercy and Abel Borgard, Blue and Clara Lyons—Missy began to wonder how it was that so many had met and fallen in love on the ranch. She began to suspect there had been active matchmaking going on.
Her own sister-in-law, Louise, had married Nate Hawkins back in Montana, but it wasn’t until they reached the ranch that their love became real, which half confirmed the suspicions about the ranch’s role in romance. As for herself, Missy had no intention of joining the couples in matrimony.
An older pair was likewise introduced. Cookie and her husband, Bertie, ran the cookhouse.
As they were introduced, each one murmured condolences to Wade and the children, until Missy wondered how the children could stand to hear it one more time.
Missy sat at the far corner. She’d be the last to be introduced and she could hardly draw in a breath as they drew closer to her. All too soon they stood before her.
“And this is Missy Porter,” Linette said.
Wade’s eyes grew icy and she knew he recognized her. She’d spoken out of turn when she saw him in town. But when she’d heard him inform the children that he’d make sure they were in a safe place before he left, and when she’d heard their voices break as they confessed how they missed the mama and papa they’d so recently lost, an avalanche of unwanted memories had slammed into her. She’d been thirteen when she encountered the same emotion. She would never forget the shock of listening to the preacher explain that her parents had died in an accident.
“The horses bolted and the wagon flipped.” The preacher had said more, but Missy stopped listening. The details were too dreadful to hear.
Her brother, Gordie, was not yet eighteen and he’d not been pleased at being saddled with a younger sister to care for. He never let her forget that she was the reason he couldn’t live the life he wanted. Not that he did much caring. She took over the cooking and cleaning. He took over earning money to keep them, but soon he hooked up with Vic Hector, a very unlikable man in Missy’s opinion, who convinced Gordie there were easier ways to make money. By “easier,” he meant on the shady side of the law.
When Gordie married Louise and she moved in, Missy had truly gained a sister. They shared the household duties and became friends. But now Gordie was dead by a gunshot wound during one of his and Vic’s escapades. Louise had remarried and Missy was about to be on her own. She meant to face the future without depending on anyone else.
Except God, she added quickly, lest He think she was being prideful. She certainly didn’t mean to be. No, she wasn’t going anyplace without God.
There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that He had carried them safely on the journey from Rocky Creek, Montana, through a snowstorm and bitter cold. God had protected Louise and baby Chloe from Vic, who’d thought he owned them and Missy. She shivered at the memory of how Vic had treated her, trying to get her alone, and when he did, pressing against her in corners. Then he’d moved into the Porter house and both Missy and Louise knew he’d be taking advantage of the situation. So they’d fled to Eden Valley Ranch.
Never again would Missy allow herself to be made to feel she was an unwelcome burden. No more having others tell her what to do and what not to do, where to go and when and how. No, she had plans that would prevent that.
Before her, the newcomer named Wade tipped his head, breaking into her thoughts. “Nice to make your acquaintance, miss.”
She knew she wasn’t mistaken in hearing a mocking tone in his words. Hopefully, the others didn’t notice. She tipped her head in response. “Likewise, I’m sure.”
A flicker of his eyelids informed her he understood her silent message that she was as thrilled as he to be forced to spend Christmas together. Which was not at all.
She turned her attention to the children, wanting to let them know she understood how alone and afraid they were at the moment. “I, too, lost my mama and papa when I was a child.”
“What happened to them?” Annie asked, her eyes big with curiosity.
“There was an accident.”
The children nodded solemnly.
Joey released a long sigh that ended in a shudder. “Our mama and papa got sick and died.” He studied her. “When did yours die?”
“Four years ago.” Four and a half and a bit. She used to count the months and weeks and days, but had stopped doing that. Nothing would make her forget them but she had to face the future.
Missy rested her hand over the pocket that contained a piece of paper. She did not need to see it to know what it said.
Miss Evans offers young ladies the opportunity to become self-sufficient and earn twice the salary of a public schoolteacher. You’ll learn how to operate a typewriter. Become a secretary and you will be able to get a job anywhere.
Missy had sent in a deposit from the coins she’d been saving for her future. The next class was to begin in March in Toronto, which left her three months to earn the rest of the cost of tuition.
She allowed the tiniest smile to curve her mouth. She’d soon be independent. Her future would be in her hands, not in the hands of others. A shiver trickled down her spine. Like these children, she knew how it felt to lose important people in her life. It was best to be on her own. That way she wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of losing anyone else.
“Ours died a little time ago.” Tears rushed to Joey’s eyes.
These children needed so much care and tenderness at the moment. Turning her gaze back to Wade, Missy felt her smile flatten, her lips curl downward. He had made it clear he didn’t want these children. Perhaps he was sending them to relatives—kinder, more loving people. She certainly hoped so.
Annie rocked forward, seeking her attention.
“What is it, child?” Missy asked.
“Did you have Christmas without your mama and papa?”
Missy knew what the child meant. “I missed them terribly. I still do. But I know they would want me to be happy, especially at Christmas.”
Annie nodded, satisfied with the answer. “I think so, too.”
Wade took his niece’s hand. “Come along, Annie. You shouldn’t bother the lady.”
Missy’s insides curled at the way Wade made it sound as if she didn’t welcome Annie’s questions. Ignoring his warning glance, she brushed her hand over the girl’s shoulder. “You’re not a bother to me.”
Right then and there, she promised herself she would do everything in her power to make this a Christmas Day these children would remember with joy.
* * *
The only place left for Wade to sit was next to Missy. He almost refused Linette’s invitation to be seated, but he had asked to be included in their Christmas. Seemed it meant enduring Missy’s narrow-eyed looks. He plunked onto the chair and pulled Annie to his lap. Joey sat on the floor in front of him, watching the other children playing.
Annie turned to regard Missy. “You live here?”
“I’m only visiting. Louise is my sister-in-law.” She pointed out a young woman with a tiny baby in her arms and a man hovering adoringly at her side. “She and Nate are going to live at his ranch as soon as he fixes the cabin.”
Wade fleetingly wondered if Missy would be living with them.
Annie reached out and fingered the fabric of Missy’s dress. “I like your gown. It feels nice.”
“It’s satin. Royal blue was my mama’s favorite color. I like to wear it and remember her.”
Annie leaned forward. “Mama’s favorite color was pink. I like pink, too. Maybe I’ll get a pink dress when I get big. I gots a pink sweater she knitted me. It’s my favorite thing.”
It was the most Annie had talked since her parents died. Before that she had been a regular chatterbox.
She turned to Wade. “Where’s my pink sweater?”
He had no idea. The neighboring women had helped him pack up the children’s things. “I expect it’s in one of your bags.”
“In the wagon?”
“Yes. Everything is under a tarp.” He wanted to reassure her that her belongings were safe.
“Oh.” The one syllable was both a question and a demand.
“We’ll find it later.”
“Oh.” Disappointment and reluctant patience colored her voice. How could a little girl pack so much meaning into one small word? But Annie had always been good at letting her feelings be known.
She turned back to Missy. “If you don’t live here, where do you live?”
Even though they didn’t touch and he didn’t look directly at her, Wade felt the young woman stiffen. Why did such an ordinary question cause such a reaction?
“I’m staying here for now. And then...well, I’ll find something else.” Beneath the cheerful words ran a river of uncertainty that made Wade tighten his arms around Annie lest she feel it, too.
But he couldn’t prevent the child’s understanding. “That’s like us. We’re going someplace but I don’t know where. Only that Uncle Wade is leaving us and going...” She lifted her hands in a dramatic show of I-don’t-know.
The gesture made him ache. As did her words. If only he could give them specifics as to their future, but at this point, he had none to give. Please, God. Make their adoption work out. Sooner would be better than later.
Missy shifted slightly so she could give him an accusing look. He ignored her, gazing down at the floor. She needn’t think he acted selfishly. He had to do what was best.
Linette broke the tension as she announced her departure. “I need to go finish the meal preparations.” She put baby Jonathan in his cradle and headed for the kitchen. Immediately, the other ladies, including Missy, exited the room. Wade drew in a deep breath. The delicious aromas that had assaulted him as he entered the house now drew saliva from his mouth and growls from his stomach. The smells made it difficult to focus on anything else, until he felt Annie get up and start to follow Missy. Wade roped in his attention. “Stay here,” he said.
Missy turned, favored him with another of her accusing looks and continued on her way. Wade let her go without comment, deeming this a battle not worth fighting. Right or wrong, the woman was entitled to her opinion.
For the first time since he’d seen Missy in the room he sat back and tried to relax. But the smells of turkey and stuffing, ham and mincemeat made him miss Susan so badly he felt a sting of tears. Thankfully, all the other men had their attention on Eddie as he regaled them with a story about finding stranded cows in a snowstorm.
Wade’s stomach was kissing his backbone by the time Linette invited them into the dining room. “Children, you have a table in the kitchen. Daisy’s in charge. Be sure you mind her.”
The older girl, Daisy, who looked to be about thirteen, had a toddler perched on one hip and reached out her free hand to Annie. “Come on. It’s fun to sit at the children’s table.”
“Daisy is very good at minding the younger ones,” Linette assured Wade. “She’s Cassie and Roper’s oldest. With two brothers and a sister, she gets a lot of practice.”
The little boy named Grady signaled to Joey. “You wanna sit with me?”
And as easy as that, the two clinging children left Wade.
He wanted to call them back, but Linette waved everyone to chairs.
Somehow Wade ended up beside Missy. A glance around the table revealed they were the only single adults present, so he supposed it made sense to his hostess.
He forced himself to sit calmly as Eddie said grace, even though having Missy so close made his nerves tingle. He tried to cover it up by squirming about in an attempt to see or at least hear the children.
“Relax,” Missy said. “If Linette says it’s okay it’s okay.”
He nodded, though he wasn’t sure he agreed.
Linette spoke from the end of the table. “You couldn’t know it, but Daisy and her brothers and sister were orphans. Roper and Cassie adopted them. In fact—” she glanced about the table “—all these people have children who lost at least one parent.” She guided the passing of the food as she spoke.
Louise sat on the other side of Missy and leaned around her to speak to Wade. “Even little Chloe. Her father never had a chance to meet her. Now Nate is her father.”
The couples around the table smiled lovingly at each other, obviously content with their new relationships.
Wade filled his plate with turkey and stuffing, ham and green tomato chutney, mashed potatoes and gravy, carrots and turnips. He realized all eyes were on him. Had he taken too much food? But a glance about the table revealed every plate held a generous amount.
“Did I miss something?” he asked, silently acknowledging he had been interested only in the food.
Everyone slid their gaze to Missy and back to him.
“It seems like marriage would be the perfect solution for you, as well,” Linette said. “Both of you.”
He shook his head. “Oh, no. Marriage isn’t for me.”
Missy held up her hands. “Nor me.”
“Why not?” Louise demanded of her sister-in-law. “What’s wrong with marriage?”
“I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it. It’s fine if that’s what you want. I have other plans.” She dug into the pocket of her blue satin gown and pulled out a piece of paper. She unfolded it and showed it to Louise, who read it aloud, then stared at her.
“A secretary?”
“Using a typewriter.” Missy made it sound as if that made a world of difference.
“Where will you get the money to take this class?”
“I’ll earn it.” Her voice rang with determination.
“But—”
Before Louise could finish, Missy returned the paper to her pocket. “That’s what I’m going to do.”
Wade released pent-up air. Thankfully, there’d be no more matchmaking.
Every pair of eyes returned to him.
“I’m sure there are other prospects,” Linette began. “I heard a family moved in this fall with an almost grown daughter. I haven’t met her yet but by all accounts she is pleasant and hardworking.”
This must be the family Lane had gone to visit. Wade rolled his head back and forth. Even if he had any interest in marriage, the last thing he needed was a young woman barely old enough to leave her parents. Besides, Lane had his sights set on the young lady and Wade had no intention of being competition. “Marriage isn’t for everyone. And to provide for a family, a man needs a home. I have none. I’m a cowboy.”
“Look around the table,” Eddie said. “These fellows were homeless cowboys, too, until they found a reason to settle down.”
The conversation was thankfully dropped as people turned their attention to the bountiful food. Wade savored every mouthful even though the meal carried sorrowful memories of similar occasions spent with Susan and her family. But as Missy had said to Annie, his sister would want him to enjoy the day.
Beneath the rumble of a discussion about the new church, Missy murmured, “One would think two orphaned children would be enough reason to settle down.”
So much for thinking the topic had been abandoned.
Wade’s enjoyment of the meal turned sour.
Linette lowered her fork to the table. “Tell me, Wade, what are your plans for the children?”
He, too, lowered his fork, knowing his answer would bring more criticism from Missy. Not that it was any of her business. “Ma’am, I’ve been in contact with a Mr. and Mrs. Bauer from Fort Macleod regarding adoption.”
A collective gasp came from others at the table.
“I had hoped to hear from them by now because I have to leave almost immediately. I’ve agreed to look after a friend’s ranch while he takes a trip.”
A beat of silence passed before anyone responded.
It was Missy who spoke. “I guess you’ll have to take the children with you.” Obviously she knew that wasn’t his plan, but she meant to force him to reconsider.
“That’s not possible. I can’t take care of them and the ranch, too.” Before Missy could voice any more disapproval, before any of them could, he spoke again. “I need someplace safe to leave them until the couple comes. I hope...hoped they could stay here.”
Linette and Eddie looked at each other for a moment. Eddie answered Wade’s request. “We’ll discuss it later.”
With those words, he had to be content, though he could not relax with Missy’s heavy disapproval coming off her like a wave.
The main part of the meal ended, the dishes were cleared away and mincemeat pie served. Wade hoped the children were enjoying the dessert more than he was. Every mouthful was full of regret from his own heart and silent accusations from Missy.
Finally the meal was over.
“Everyone return to the sitting room. There are gifts for all the children,” Linette said.
Wade had begun to rise, but at that he sank back in his chair. He must find a way to draw Joey and Annie away so they wouldn’t be disappointed when they received no gifts.
Linette waved a hand to indicate he should join them. “There’s something for Annie and Joey, too.”
Missy waited at her chair as if to make certain he didn’t skip out.
He had no such intention and rose to follow her back to the other room. In a flash he saw that everyone had resumed their previous positions, which left him sitting at Missy’s side. He would have avoided the seat, but the room was crowded and he had no other option.
The children raced in and sat in a circle before the decorated evergreen tree next to the window.
One by one, Eddie handed gifts to the young ones. When it was his turn, Joey opened his package. “A ball for playing catch. Papa taught me to throw and catch.” He gazed at it, his lips quivering.
Wade would have gone to him, but wondered if the boy would find it embarrassing to be needing comfort.
Annie opened her gift, a sock doll with black button eyes, brown yarn hair and a pink cotton dress.
She stared at it and burst into tears.
Wade sat motionless, his heart shredding with shared sorrow. Before he could move, Missy sprang forward, sat beside the child and pulled her to her lap. “Shh, shh.” She rocked Annie in a tight embrace.
Finally the tears stopped. Missy returned to her chair, with Annie clinging to her like a sweater.
“I’ll take her.” Wade reached for his niece, but Missy shook her head.
“She’s fine here on my lap.” Missy’s eyes, too, were awash with tears.
Wade closed his eyes against a rush of wild emotions—a burning desire to comfort them both, a burst of fresh pain at his own sorrow and beneath it all, his unending sense of failure in not being able to give these children what they needed. And in not having seen how sad and desperate his late wife had been. The accusations hurled at him by Tomasina’s parents that it was his duty to see to her needs were no stronger than those from his own heart.
He never again wanted to experience such failure.
* * *
Missy held Annie as tightly as Annie held her. How well she remembered the first Christmas after her parents had died. The aching feeling that nothing would ever be the same, that no one would ever understand and love her the way Mama and Papa had. She and Gordie had gotten presents for each other—she’d bought him a new pocketknife she’d seen him admire in the store and he’d bought her a set of ivory hair combs. She hadn’t noticed them in any of the stores and wondered where he’d gotten them. It was much later that she realized he’d probably stolen them, and she’d never again used them.
She shook off the memories and flicked her gaze to the man beside her. She noted that his hands were curled so tightly the knuckles were white. From under her lashes Missy studied him. His expression revealed a mixture of emotions—uncertainty and sorrow.
He’d lost his sister. Of course he felt sorrow.
In her judgment of him she’d forgotten to take that into account. At the first opportunity she would correct the matter.
Annie cuddled close as the other children played with their new toys. After a bit, Joey left the others and scooted over to sit with his back against Wade’s legs. Wade rested his hands on the boy’s shoulders.
Missy smiled as uncle and nephew released tiny sighs and sank toward each other, giving comfort and consolation.
One by one the guests rose, gathered up their children and bade Linette and Eddie and the others goodbye. Louise and Nate excused themselves and took baby Chloe to their room. Only Missy remained beside Wade, with Annie on her lap and Joey at Wade’s knees.
Eddie and Linette approached Wade. “We need to talk.”
Knowing they meant to address Wade’s request to leave the children at the ranch, Missy struggled to her feet. “I’ll take the children into the kitchen. Come along, Joey.”
The child was too tired to argue and shuffled after her, but by the time they sat down at the table, his curiosity kicked in.
“They’re talking about us, aren’t they? Is Uncle Wade leaving us here?” The boy’s voice cracked, not only from fatigue. The poor child dreaded being abandoned.
Annie sobbed and tightened her arms about Missy’s neck.
She forced herself to take two slow breaths. How could Wade think of leaving these children? Yes, she understood he had a job to go to, that someone was counting on him to take care of their ranch. Yes, she understood he was an unmarried cowboy with no home. But the facts did not change her feelings. She knew what it was like to have people she cared about snatched out of her life, and to feel as if she was only an inconvenience to those who were left. She even harbored a suspicion that Louise had married her brother, Gordie, simply to protect Missy from Vic. The thought twisted through her gut. A nuisance and a burden.
Praying her voice would be firm and reassuring, she pulled Joey to her side. “Listen to me, both of you. Wherever you go, whatever happens to you, you are not alone. You have each other. And you have your mama and papa inside you.” She didn’t know how else to say that their memories of their parents would always be with them and always guide them. “And God is with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He is as close as your next breath. He sees what you need and He will provide it.”
Two pairs of dark eyes watched her, practically drank her in, taking the encouragement and assurance she offered.
“You can trust God no matter what. Can you remember that?”
Annie and Joey nodded.
The kitchen door swung wide. Wade stood in the opening, his eyes on her. “Missy, would you please join us?” He turned to the children. “You two wait here.”
Missy set Annie on a chair next to her brother, caressed both heads and smiled. “Remember what I told you.” She reminded herself of the same thing—God was with her—and followed Wade into the sitting room.
She felt the heaviness in the air around her as she sat down opposite Wade.
“What’s this all about?” she asked.
Linette answered. “You heard Wade say he was trying to find an adoptive family for the children.”
Missy nodded, her lips pressed together to keep her opinion to herself.
“We’ve asked him to stay until he makes those arrangements. For the children’s sake.”
“Quite so. They’ve had enough loss to deal with already.” Missy released the words in a rush and blinked hard to keep from piercing Wade with her challenging look.
Linette continued. “However, he doesn’t feel he can take care of them on his own.”
Eddie spoke at that point. “I won’t let Linette be responsible for them. Not when Jonathan is only a few days old.” The baby boy slept in her arms.
Wade cleared his throat and Missy’s gaze jerked toward him. So many feelings rushed through her—fear that he meant to give these children away, hope that it would give them a loving home and... Oh, yes, she meant to express her sympathy at his loss. Before she could say a word, he spoke.
“I would like to hire you to look after Annie and Joey until I can make other arrangements.”
She opened her mouth, but again he cut her off. “You can put the money toward paying for the secretarial course you want to take.”
She’d meant to say she’d gladly take care of the children free of charge, but his words reminded her that she needed funds to fulfill her plans. Still she did not answer him. Somehow to say yes felt as if she’d be giving approval to his plan, aligning herself with him rather than the children.
But if she said yes, she could spend time with them, help prepare them for their future and help them find enjoyment in their current situation.
“Yes, I’ll do it. On one condition.” She hesitated. Was she asking the right thing? “You—” she nodded to Wade “—spend time with them, as well.”
Their gazes held as they measured each other. Likely he wondered at her reason even as she wondered at his.
“I’m amenable to that.”
Eddie slapped his knees. “Then it’s settled. Things have a way of working out for the good of everyone.”
Missy wondered what he meant. She couldn’t see how things would work out for the good for Joey and Annie. They’d lost their parents and would soon lose their uncle and go to live with strangers.
None of them had any control over the future. But as she’d told the children, God would never leave them. If she could do one thing in the few days she’d have with them, it would be to make sure they believed that.
In so doing, she’d make certain they enjoyed their time at Eden Valley Ranch—even if it meant she’d have to interact with Wade Snyder to make that happen.
Chapter Two (#ulink_8b5e3e8d-dc65-5be5-89c4-e11c1d6c430c)
Eddie got to his feet, took the baby and helped Linette to stand. “I think my wife should have a little rest. It’s been a long day.” He led her up the stairs.
Missy watched them go, then glanced about the room. Not long ago this space had been crowded with guests. Now there was only Wade and her. Not that they were really alone. The children were in the next room; Linette and Eddie, Nate and Louise were upstairs. Nevertheless, Missy’s nerves twanged with tension. Would Wade use the quiet to inform her that she had stepped into his business too many times? She knew she had but didn’t regret it.
There was only one thing she meant to change. “I have never expressed my condolences over the loss of your sister and brother-in-law. I’m very sorry. I recently lost my brother, so I share a little knowledge of how you feel.”
“Thank you. I didn’t know you’d lost your brother, though I suppose I should have realized it when Louise said her husband had never met baby Chloe. I didn’t make the connection. I’m sorry for your loss, as well.”
Missy let her gaze find his as she offered her sympathy. It was nothing but a cool, impersonal meeting of the eyes, but at his kind words, something shifted between them. Their circumstances might be different, but the pain and loss were similar and they silently acknowledged it. She felt his sorrow in the depth of her heart, even as her own sense of loss tightened her chest.
Her breath stuttered in and she broke their visual connection. “Do you intend to tell the children of your plans?” she asked, bringing her gaze back to his.
He looked away, his eyes full of uncertainty. “I don’t know how much I should tell them.” He turned back to her. “I don’t want to take away from their enjoyment of Christmas.”
She nodded. “Nor do I. In fact, I’ll do everything in my power to make their stay here enjoyable. Too bad Christmas is over.” In the ensuing silence, she heard a distressing sound. “Is that Annie crying?”
They were both on their feet in an instant and rushed for the kitchen door.
Joey sat with his arm about his little sister. Her sock doll lay on her knees as tears dripped to its face.
Missy knelt before the child. “Honey, what’s wrong?”
Annie sobbed an answer.
Missy could not make out what she said and was about to sit down and pull the child to her lap when Wade beat her to it. He held Annie so tenderly, his face so full of sorrow and concern, that Missy blinked back a few tears of her own. How she wished to help this hurting trio. God, I told the children You would help them and guide them. Let me assist if that’s possible.
She sat beside Wade and rubbed Annie’s back. After a moment the little girl quieted and was able to speak. “Mama made me a doll. I don’t know where it is.” Her crying intensified again.
Missy’s heart twisted and she gave Wade a look of despair. “She’s lost so much.”
“She hasn’t lost her doll.” He shifted Annie to Missy’s arms and strode from the room.
“Where’s he going?” Joey clutched her hand. “Is he leaving?”
“I don’t think so.” Missy was as uncertain as Joey until she reminded herself that Wade had agreed to stay until the children were placed.
He returned in quick order carrying two bulky boxes and two valises. “Your doll is in this stuff. We just have to find it.” He dropped his burdens to the floor.
The children sprang forward and fell upon the baggage as if they’d been returned home from being lost. In a sense, Missy supposed it felt that way. Everything they owned and were familiar with was before them.
Wade pried open the first box and let the children dive into the contents. Blankets, clothing, a pair of woolen mittens were all pulled out. Annie pressed her face into each article and breathed deeply. Joey fingered the fabric and then slipped his hands into the mittens, a look of joy and pain twisting his features.
They emptied the box and sat back. No doll.
Missy carefully repacked the contents while Wade opened the next box. Again he stepped back as the children examined the contents. With a squeal, Annie pulled out a pink sweater and slipped it on. She rubbed her sleeves and smiled through a sheen of tears. “My sweater Mama made me.”
Joey dug further. He didn’t say anything, but it was obvious he was hunting for something. When the box was empty he sat back on his heels. “It’s not there.”
“What are you looking for?” Wade asked.
“Something.” Joey would say no more.
Missy repacked the box, with the children following every move of her hands, as if saying goodbye to each item. As if saying goodbye to their life. A tear dropped to the back of her hand but she wiped it off and continued until everything was back and Wade closed the top on the box.
The two valises sat untouched and the four of them stared at the bags. Would they contain something to comfort the children or would there be only disappointment? Missy didn’t want to face the possibility of the latter. It seemed the children didn’t, either. But Wade pulled one valise closer and folded back the top. “We might as well see what’s here.”
With less enthusiasm than they’d shown previously, the children pulled out items. This bag held boy’s clothing. Missy realized it contained the things Joey needed for the present. Annie sat back and let him remove the contents. He carefully lifted each shirt and each pair of trousers, almost reverently setting them aside. At the bottom of the bag he felt something and grew still, his eyes wide. Slowly, he lifted out a photograph and stared at it. “Mama and Papa.” The words came out in a whisper.
He turned the picture so Annie could see it. She sucked in a sigh and then released it.
No one moved. Missy wondered if anyone breathed as the children drank in the likeness of their parents.
Joey kept the photograph on his lap and searched the corners of the bag for something more.
Missy knew the moment he’d found it. He froze, one hand in the valise, his eyes wide, his mouth open. Then he swallowed twice and slowly withdrew his hand. “My ball.” He burst into tears.
Wade and Missy reached for him at the same time. Their arms crossed as they comforted Joey, but neither of them withdrew. The weight of Wade’s arm across Missy’s sent a rush of warmth straight to her heart. She was instantly thirteen years old again, longing to be comforted. She’d gone to Gordie in tears, overwrought about their parents’ death, but her brother had pushed her away. Told her it was time to grow up. Wade, to his credit, simply held Joey now and let him shed as many tears as he needed to.
Annie scrambled over the valise, lifted the photograph from Joey’s knees, crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms about him.
Missy wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. She could not bring herself to look at Wade, fearing her emotions would riot out of control and she would become a teary mess.
When Joey’s sobs subsided he shared a memory. “Papa played catch with me every time he could.” He darted a glance to his uncle.
Missy almost chuckled at the boy’s subtle hint.
Wade nodded. “Tell you what. We’ll play catch, too.”
Joey grinned. “I’d like that.”
Annie slipped from her brother’s lap and squatted in front of the last valise. Wade opened it and the others sat back as Annie slowly lifted out little-girl garments and set them aside. After each she looked from Missy to Joey to Wade. Not until her uncle said, “Go ahead,” did she take out the next item.
She looked into the bag and squealed in delight, but kept her hands on her knees and stared at the object.
“What is it?” Missy asked softly.
Gently, Annie lifted out a soiled and worn cloth doll. “My dolly, Mary.” She hugged the doll to her neck and rocked back and forth, humming a lullaby.
Missy heart overflowed at this child’s pleasure. But her joy was intermingled with unshed tears. She shared a glance with Wade. From his trembling smile she guessed he struggled with the same emotions she did.
Their gaze remained locked. His smile fled and then returned with warmth and understanding, finding an answering smile in her heart. They might not have much in common. They had plans that didn’t involve the other. Certainly they were at odds about what his plans for the children were. But unmistakably they shared tender affection for these children.
Annie looked about the room as if searching for something else, saw her new doll on the kitchen table and trotted over to get it. “Mary, you have a sister now. This is Martha.” With one arm clutching each doll, she hugged them both to her neck.
Joey shifted to face Wade. “Are you leaving us here?”
Still on the floor, Wade sat back and crossed his legs with an ease that said he often sat this way. Missy could imagine him on the ground before a campfire, a tin cup of steaming coffee in his hand. The picture made her smile and, at the same time, filled her with an unfamiliar restlessness.
Her smile fled as she waited for Wade to explain his plans to the children.
He caught Annie and pulled her to his lap. “I’m not leaving for a little while. You both know I don’t want to ever leave you but...” He shrugged, then brightened. “But Missy is going to help take care of you while we’re here. How do you like that?”
Joey grinned. “I like that.”
Annie reached for Missy’s hand and pulled her closer. “Me, too.”
The children looked at each other, sharing a secret. Then Joey nodded. “I’ll ask.” He considered Wade a moment as if gathering up the nerve.
“What is it?” Wade prompted.
“Annie and I want to have our own Christmas. Not one with so many strangers.”
Wade turned to Missy. “What do you think?”
“Sounds good to me.” She turned to Joey. “Did you have something in mind?”
Joey wriggled with excitement. “Tomorrow is the day after Christmas. Boxing Day, Mama called it. She said it used to be when people gave their servants money and gifts back in England. We don’t have servants, but she said Grandma considered the animals her servants, so they would go to the barn and decorate it to celebrate Jesus being born in a manger. Can we do that tomorrow?”
Missy’s throat clogged. The children didn’t want gifts for themselves; they wanted only to make Christmas memorable.
She turned toward Wade, intending to tell him she’d help him decorate the barn if Eddie approved. But Wade looked as if he’d been stabbed through the heart.
He shifted Annie to Missy’s lap and strode from the room.
* * *
Wade stumbled out the back door into the clear evening. Trying to calm himself, he sucked in the cold air and commanded his thoughts to fall into order.
The door behind him opened, threw out a patch of golden lamplight before him, then closed softly. He felt Missy at his side but did not look her way nor acknowledge her.
Her hand touched his arm and rested there. “Wade, what’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “Nothin’.”
“‘Nothin’’ doesn’t send a man rushing out into the night.”
She had a point. His thoughts untangled and dashed to his tongue. “It was my mother who began the tradition of decorating a manger for Christmas. Born and raised a proper English miss, she couldn’t dismiss Boxing Day as just another day. I remember how eagerly Susan and I looked forward to our trip to the barn the day after Christmas.”
“Susan was your sister? The children’s mother?”
He nodded. “My parents are gone. My sister is gone. My wife is gone.”
Missy’s fingers trembled on his arm. “You were married?”
“A long time ago. I tried to get her to decorate the manger with me but she didn’t see the value of doing so.” To Tomasina it was a silly, childish practice. After her death, he’d been glad to join Susan and her family in carrying on the tradition.
“It will be good for the children to continue their customary way of celebrating the day.”
Enough light came from the window for him to watch Missy’s hand run along his arm. Was she even aware she did it?
He shifted away, forcing her to drop her arm to her side. He didn’t need or want comfort. Not for himself. She could save it for the children. He lived the life he wanted and deserved.
“It’s getting cold.” He opened the door and held it for her to enter. When they stepped inside, Joey and Annie watched them with wide, fearful eyes. He understood life was uncertain for them at the moment, the future unknown. The best he could do was get them settled as soon as possible. Only then could they begin to adjust to the facts of their life.
They were young enough to adapt.
He knew he never would. He’d learned his past went with him, bleeding into his present and staining his future. One simply did not forget finding one’s wife dead of her own choice. At least Susan and her husband had died of natural causes. One could put that down to God’s timing. Then all one had to do was believe God had a good and perfect plan in mind. Though, truth be told, there were times Wade found it hard to see the good in things. But then wasn’t that what trust was—believing when he couldn’t see?
To reassure the children he pasted a smile on his face. “I’ll ask Eddie about decorating a manger.”
“What is it you want to ask Eddie?” The man in question entered the room.
Wade explained the Snyder tradition and Eddie wasted no time consenting. “It sounds great.”
Grady was at Eddie’s heels. “Can I go with you tomorrow?” the boy asked Wade.
“Of course you may.”
Grady grinned in pleasure and Eddie squeezed his shoulder, as happy as the child, then he turned to the others. “My wife has fallen asleep. I think Louise and Nate have, as well. That leaves us to fend for ourselves for something to eat.” He set out leftover ham and turkey and sliced a loaf of bread, while Wade put Annie’s things back in the valise and pushed their boxes and bags to one side of the room.
When the three adults and three children gathered around the table, Eddie asked the blessing. Annie placed her two dolls on either side of her and patted each.
Mealtime was quiet, the children tired out from the long day and the adults somewhat subdued, as well. As soon as they were satisfied and the dishes quickly disposed of, Eddie led Wade and the children upstairs. Missy apparently had a room on the main floor and called good-night as the others climbed the steps.
Annie paused on the steps, looking over her shoulder. “Where are you going to sleep?” she asked Missy. “You aren’t leaving, are you?”
“I have a room down here. I’ll be here when you get up tomorrow.”
Wade gathered his niece in his arms and carried her up the stairs. She was practically asleep on his shoulder by the time Eddie showed him a room for the children and an adjoining one for himself. He helped the children prepare for bed, then withdrew to the next room, hoping the children wouldn’t be upset by being separated from him.
* * *
He woke the next morning to two children bouncing on his bed.
“It’s morning,” Annie said with a bounce.
“You sure?” His voice was gravelly.
“We’re doing something special today. ’Member?”
He cracked one eye open. “Not before breakfast.”
“Aren’t you getting up?” Joey bounced twice just for good measure.
“Where’s Missy?” Annie added another bounce. “I want to wake her up.” She jumped toward the side of the bed.
Wade lifted his head and eyed her. “You will not go downstairs until I say so.” He cocked an ear and listened. “I don’t think anyone else is awake. And you shouldn’t be, either.” He let his head fall to the pillow, closed his eyes and wished for the forgetfulness of sleep.
“They’re awake, Uncle Wade. I heard baby Chloe and baby Jonathan crying when we came in here.” Joey seemed to think that was reason enough to make sure everyone in the house was up.
Wade had jerked awake a couple times in the night, hearing the babies cry. Once, he’d thought he was out in the range and coyotes were nearby. He’d reached for his rifle, but found only bedding. By that time his heart raced and he was wide-awake.
Now as he lay there his thoughts harkened back to the previous day. His agreement with the Gardiners meant he would be days late getting to Stuart’s place. Stuart would wonder when he didn’t show up, though he’d wait a few days before he gave it much mind. By then, Wade would be there.
There wasn’t much traffic to and from Fort Macleod this time of year, but a man and woman anxious to adopt two children would find a way of making arrangements. Until then Wade and Missy Porter would entertain the children.
He tried to decide what he thought of that young lady.
Very pretty for sure.
Alone. Just as he was. Except he at least had the children for the next few days. He pushed aside the sorrow of knowing he would soon have to say good-bye to them. Perhaps never see them again, depending on the wishes of the new parents.
Missy was opinionated, as well. She certainly knew what she wanted, which was to his advantage. He could offer her a paying job.
Doubts crowded his mind. Had he done the right thing in asking for her help?
But she was kind and she’d be good to the children. They needed tons of kindness and affection at the moment.
He rubbed his arm where she had touched him. Warmth trickled into his heart like water from a block of ice under a warm spring sun.
The children, realizing they must wait before going downstairs, curled up beside him.
“Tell us a story,” Annie begged.
“Yes, do,” Joey added, trying not to sound as eager as his younger sister.
“Me?”
“Like Mama used to.” Annie voice threatened tears.
“You’re all we got.” Joey had no idea how inadequate that made Wade feel.
“Okay, I’ll try. Once upon a time there was a cowboy.”
“Oh, I like that.” Annie’s eyes were wide with expectation. “A cowboy who loved a lady.”
“Hey, whose story is this?”
“You have to have a lady.” Annie nodded with absolute certainty.
“You’re sure?” He looked to Joey for backing on this idea, but his nephew nodded. The boy offered no escape at all.
“Okay.” Wade wasn’t going to be able to avoid it. “There was a cowboy who had a lady.”
“Loved a lady,” Annie corrected.
He sighed. “How do you know he loved her?”
“He knew it here.” She patted her chest.
“Is that what your mama said?” Susan had been such a romantic.
Annie shook her head. “I just know it. Right, Joey?”
Joey considered her question. “I don’t know.” At the fear and hope laced through his words, Wade’s throat tightened. Joey was awfully young to be afraid of love, though perhaps he had as much reason as Wade did. But Wade didn’t care to see such doubt in his nephew and decided he would tell a story about a cowboy who loved a lady.
“She was a beautiful lady,” he said.
Annie sighed. “Like Missy.”
Wade didn’t argue the point. How could he when he pictured Missy in the role? Not that he saw himself as the cowboy. Nope, that wasn’t a part he intended to take.
“This young lady liked to cook and sing and play the piano. She liked children and hoped she could have dozens of them.” He swallowed back a bitter taste in his mouth. How had his story gone from thinking of Missy to thinking of Tomasina?
“Did she?” Joey asked.
“What?” He’d gotten lost in his thoughts.
“Did she have lots of kids?”
“She did. Six little boys and six little girls.” Might as well make the story big and give it a happier ending than his own.
“And the cowboy played games with them?” Joey leaned over him, his face so close Wade could smell his little-boy scent. Joey’s eyes were intent. Wade realized play was very important to this child.
“He sure did. He played ball and chase and tag and taught all the children to ride and rope.”
Joey flopped to the bed and stared up at the ceiling. “I wish...”
Wade waited and when Joey didn’t finish he pulled him back to his chest so they stared into each other’s eyes again. “What do you wish?”
Joey looked at Wade’s chin. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Hey, it’s Christmas. What better time to wish for something?”
Joey’s eyes slowly came to Wade’s. “I wish we had a home and...”
“Our mama and papa.” Annie finished for him.
Joey flung himself from Wade’s arms and lay stiffly on the bed. “See? I knew it was impossible.”
“I’ll make sure you have a nice home.”
Both children sat up and looked at him. “Here? With you?”
“We’re all going to stay here until I sort things out.”
The pair looked at each other, their mouths in matching frowns. It was the best he could offer. Someday they would understand that.
“Miss Porter is going to help look after you.” He hoped they would see it as a fair exchange for him not being able to fulfill their dreams.
“I like Missy Porter,” Joey said, a goofy look on his face.
“You should address her as Miss Porter.”
The boy’s brow furrowed. “What’s the difference between Miss and Missy?”
“One letter. Y.”
“Because I was wondering.”
Wade grinned secretly at Joey’s literal understanding of why and y. It would be fun to watch the kids grow and learn. He clamped down on the thought. He wouldn’t be the one enjoying it.
Before the sadness could find lodging in his heart, he heard footsteps in the hall. The household was awake. Good. He could get up before the children delved any deeper into the mysteries of life. “Get dressed and then we’ll go to the kitchen.”
Both children hopped off the bed.
“Mind you be quiet in case the babies are asleep.”
Annie’s rushing footsteps stalled. “I wish we had a baby brother or sister.” A ragged breath rushed from her lungs, then she sighed dramatically. “Guess Mary and Martha will have to be my babies.” She trudged to the adjoining room as if she had lost something she valued.
Wade slipped into his shirt and trousers and began to follow, intending to comfort the child, but he made it as far as the doorway and saw she was dressed and singing to her dolls. He grinned. Drama should have been her middle name. “Are you two ready to go downstairs?”
They sprang to his side, as eager to go down as he was suddenly reluctant. He did not like uncertainty and at the moment everything about his life was a question. Would the Fort Macleod family continue with adoption plans? How long would it be before he could be on his way to Stuart’s ranch? And most uncertain of all...was he asking for a continual dose of disapproval by enlisting Missy’s help with the children?
He filled his lungs and squared his shoulders as they reached the bottom step. He was about to find out what he’d gotten himself into.
* * *
Missy had been up for some time. She’d made coffee, mixed up biscuits and put them to bake. She’d set the table, sliced bacon and put it to fry.
Linette had come downstairs several minutes ago, her eyes shadowed. “I think Jonathan has his days and nights mixed up,” she’d said. “I hope we didn’t keep you awake.”
“Not at all. I had a good sleep.” Apart from a few moments when Missy wondered what she’d gotten herself into by agreeing to care for the children, then insisting Wade be involved. Not that she regretted the first. Not in the least. In fact, her mind flooded with things she could do to make the time special and comforting for the children.
But with Wade at her side?
There was something about that man that put her nerves on edge. It was more than the fact she thought him too much like Gordie. Not that she thought him dishonest and living outside the law. No, that wasn’t what bothered her. It was his attitude toward the children. He seemed to be doing his best to be rid of them, and yet he was so obviously fond of them. It was such a strange contrast that she couldn’t decide what to think. But then what did it matter? He’d offered to pay her and she’d take his money, but more than that, she’d enjoy her time with the two children.
She’d fallen asleep with a smile on her face as she’d played over the scenes with them—opening gifts, going through their belongings, hugging each other, feeling little Annie’s arms about her neck...
Missy heard a footstep in the hall and turned, a smile filling her face. It was only Eddie. She told herself she wasn’t disappointed and returned to setting out preserves for the biscuits.
At the sound of more footsteps she looked up again, slowly this time. It was Louise and Nate with baby Chloe.
Louise looked as if she had gotten little sleep. “Chloe still won’t sleep without being rocked.”
“You two sit,” Missy told the two new mothers. “I’ll take care of breakfast.” She tended the bacon and broke a dozen eggs into a fry pan.
“Good morning.”
At Wade’s greeting she almost dropped the next egg. With one hand pressed to the thudding pulse in her neck, she spun about. His hair was slicked back and his eyes bright. Obviously he’d slept well. A child clung to each hand.
Annie held her dolls. Joey swung back and forth as if clutching a school yard swing, making Wade sway slightly.
Missy grinned. “Good morning.” Her gaze rested on each child, then came to Wade.
He grinned back as if realizing she found Joey’s play amusing. “These two are raring to go.”
Joey paused. “We’re going to the barn, aren’t we?”
“After breakfast and chores.” The resigned note in Wade’s voice gave Missy cause to think he might have had to explain it a few times already.
“Breakfast is about ready.” She returned to the stove and a few minutes later put the food on the table.
“I surely do appreciate your help,” Linette said.
“It’s my pleasure.” For some reason she wasn’t ready to explore, Missy liked helping in this house. She did it not out of obligation or duty but because she wanted to, and perhaps that made all the difference. Not to mention it was appreciated.
Grady, Joey and Annie chattered freely at the table and the adults gave them attention, just as her mama and papa had done with her.
Reliving her memories of her parents through these children was better than any Christmas present Missy could have wished for, and she knew a sense of joy and rightness she had not known since her parents had died.
The meal over, the men excused themselves.
Eddie stood at Linette’s side. “Is there anything you need before I tend to chores?”
She pressed her hand to her husband’s arm. “I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about us.” She glanced toward the cradle where little Jonathan slept peacefully.
“I’ll give you a hand.” Wade joined Eddie and Nate as they left the house.
Joey and Annie stared after their uncle. Annie’s lips trembled.
Missy sprang into action before they could start crying or worrying. “I need help with the dishes.”
Linette wanted to help, but Missy shooed her away. “Sit and rest while you can.”
She assigned each child a chore and turned putting food away into a game of “what’s next?” Laughter rang through the kitchen.
“You’re very good with the children,” Linette observed.
Missy chuckled. “It’s because I’m not much more than a child myself.”
Linette and Louise both snorted. Louise shook her head. “When was the last time you looked in a mirror?”
Missy grinned, purposely misunderstanding her. “Why, is my hair untidy?”
Louse chuckled. “You’d be beautiful whether your hair was tousled or tied back in a tight bun.”
“Thank you.” Missy hugged her sister-in-law.
Annie watched, her eyes studying Missy’s hair. “You have awfully pretty hair.” She yanked at her tangled locks. “Mine is ugly.”
Missy grabbed the child and hugged her. “Not so. The first time I saw you, I thought what a pretty little girl. With those big dark eyes and thick curls, you could never be anything but beautiful.” She eyed the child’s hair. It could do with a brushing and maybe some styling.
“As soon as the dishes are done, I will fix your hair so pretty you won’t recognize yourself.” She stuck her hands in the dishpan full of hot soapy water and a stack of plates.
Annie grabbed a drying towel and handed one to each of the boys. “Let’s hurry.”
The women chuckled at her eagerness, and in no time the kitchen was clean and the dishes done. Missy got her brush and sat behind Annie. Slowly, gently, she worked the tangles out of the curly hair. As she brushed she talked to the children about the stagecoach trip she and Louise had recently completed.
“Weren’t you scared?” Joey asked, when she told about the snowstorm they had been forced to travel through.
“Maybe a little, but the men seemed to know what they were doing. I was awfully glad to get to the next stopping house, though.” Equally glad when the storm ended and they could move on. The old man at the stopping house had done his best to get Missy interested in his advances. She stopped a shiver before it could race through her body.
She French braided Annie’s hair into a thick rope, then showed the girl a mirror. “What do you think?”
Annie stared into the glass a long time and when she lifted her face to Missy, tears filled her eyes. “Mama braided my hair like this,” she whispered.
Missy hugged the child. “I hope it’s okay that I did it, too.” Perhaps Annie preferred to remember her mama’s hands on her hair.
“I like it being like Mama did it.”
Joey had slipped away to the window overlooking the ranch, and Missy went to him.
He leaned on the ledge, peering at the scene down the hill. “I don’t see him.”
Missy knew he meant Wade. “He’s there someplace helping with the chores.”
Joey turned and fixed her with a demanding, yet sorrowful look. “What’s going to happen to us?”
Missy’s throat tightened. She’d agreed the children should enjoy some special days before they were faced with the truth, but oh, how she wished she could give them assurance that their future was secure, that they would stay with the one person they knew and loved.
But Wade had made his plans clear, as well as his reasons.
“What’s going to happen? We are going to enjoy a special Boxing Day celebration.”
Annie’s eyes grew wide. She covered her mouth with her hand.
“What’s wrong, honey?” Missy asked.
“We need a star.” The child’s voice trembled.
“What kind of star?”
“A paper star to take to the barn. We hang it over the manger.”
“Don’t you worry. We’ll find a star.”
Missy asked Linette for paper and scissors. She pointed her toward the cupboard. “There’s brown paper and everything you need in there.”
Missy led Joey and Annie to the cupboard, while Grady hung back at Linette’s side, looking down at his sleeping baby brother.
“Will this do?” Missy asked.
Annie and Joey nodded in unison.
She spread the paper on the table. “How big?”
“Big,” Annie said. “Real big so the wise men can see it.”
Missy sketched a five-pointed star on the one-foot-square piece of paper. “Is this good?”
The children nodded, their gazes riveted to the sheet.
She cut the star out.
“I’ll carry it,” Joey said, and Annie didn’t argue.
Joey returned to the window. “Uncle Wade won’t forget, will he?” Worry darkened his voice.
Missy glanced past him. “Look. He’s just leaving the barn.”
The children rushed for their coats, except for Grady, who held back. “Mama, they said I could go, too.”
Linette glanced at Missy, who nodded. “Wade said it was okay.”
“Very well, you may join them.”
There ensued a flurry of activity—struggling into coats and hurrying to do up the buttons, finding hats and scarves and boots. By the time Wade stepped inside, three children bundled up for winter waited at the door.
He gazed at the children, a puzzled expression on his face. “Looks like you’re going out.”
Three heads nodded.
“Got something planned, do you?” He kept his voice quizzical, but Missy saw the flash of teasing in his eyes and leaned back to watch how it would play out.
Annie nodded decisively, but the two boys looked at each other as if to check if they had misunderstood the plans.
“Anything I should know about?” Wade asked.
“Uncle Wade.” Annie’s voice dripped with impatience. “You know we’re going to the barn for Boxing Day.”
“Oh, that. I thought we had all day to do it. I didn’t know you were so eager.”
“We’re ready now.” Annie emphasized the last word.
Joey watched.
Missy sensed his uncertainty. The child half expected to be disappointed. She wanted to warn Wade not to tease too long, but before she could speak, Wade tugged his nephew’s hat. “You ready, too?”
Joey nodded, his eyes filling with eagerness.
“How about you?” Wade tugged Grady’s hat next.
“I’m ready.”
“Then let’s go.” He reached for Annie’s hand.
Missy hadn’t been included. She hoped her smile looked sincere, when inside she fought disappointment. Somehow she’d seen herself as part of this mysterious celebration.
Wade waited at the door. “Hurry and get your coat,” he said to her.
Missy hurried.
Joey reached for her hand at the door and she offered her other one to Grady.
They trooped down the snow-crusted hill to the barn and stepped into the dim interior. The smells of horses and hay filled the air. Dust motes drifted past the squares of light from the row of windows. The nearest horse turned and whinnied a greeting.
Eddie stood to one side, watching without intruding.
Wade led them toward an empty stall. “Here we are. A manger for us to prepare. Who wants to put in fresh hay?”
“That’s my job.” Joey handed the paper star to his sister and took the pitchfork that had been placed nearby. He lifted fresh hay from a little pile and spread it as carefully as a hand-knit blanket.
The door swung open and Daisy and her sister and brothers slipped in. They approached the group, each clutching something in their hands.
Again the door opened and closed as three cowboys stepped inside and came to stand by Eddie.
Wade grinned. “Seems word got around about the Boxing Day event.”
“You don’t mind?” Missy wasn’t sure if this was a private family occasion.
“Everyone is welcome, right, kids?”
Annie and Joey murmured agreement, but their attention remained on smoothing the hay in the manger. Finally satisfied, they stepped back. “The manager is ready just like it would have been for baby Jesus.”
“I have the star.” Annie handed it to Wade. “Can you please hang it for me?”
Wade must have known about the star. Of course he would. This was a family tradition. He stuck it on a nail above the manger.
The children stepped back, forcing Wade to crowd to Missy’s side. She thought of moving, but there was nowhere to go, so she stayed where she was, Wade’s arm brushing hers. She felt him in every pore, the scent of him, fresh hay and old leather, the size and strength and determination of him. And something more. Something that transcended the five senses. She didn’t know what it was, but knew she wasn’t mistaken in thinking there was more to him than what a person saw on the surface.
Her nerves twitched. Her cheeks burned. Why was she assuming to know his feelings? She knew practically nothing about the man, and what she did know she wanted to change. Her desire was to see the children stay with him, not go to strangers, despite his reasons for feeling he had to make this decision.
She stiffened, trying to pretend she was unaware that their arms touched. She was here only to encourage and support the children and to help take care of them. But she fully intended to use what little time she had to convince him not to send away two little ones who adored him.
Joey signaled to the waiting children and Daisy led them forward.
“I brought a blanket,” she said, and spread a worn cloth over the hay.
Daisy lifted her youngest sibling, little Pansy, who dropped a bright button to the blanket. “I bring shiny.”
Their brothers, Neil and Billy, stepped forward. Little Billy left a cookie, Neil a red feather.
Grady had disappeared into the tack room and emerged with a leather strap. “He’ll need this to fix things.”
The children crowded around the manger and the cowboys moved closer.
Missy turned to smile at Wade. “The first Christmas Day must have been like this.”
He nodded, his eyes full of dark mystery as if he was caught somewhere between the past and the present, perhaps remembering other occasions when he’d taken part in this ceremony.
Joey caught Wade’s hand, drawing his attention away from Missy.
“Mama taught Annie a song to sing when we did this.”
“She did?” Wade squatted to face the children.
Missy watched emotions journey across his face. First surprise, then sadness and then love for the two children clutching his hands.
She didn’t know what prompted her action, but she rested her hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. All she wanted was to let him know she sympathized with the tangle of emotions he must be feeling—sorrow at the loss of his sister and brother-in-law, and sadness at facing the further loss of these children.
But something else happened when her palm touched him. She felt a yearning, as strong and undeniable as his muscles under her hand.
She jerked back. What was she thinking? Wade did not offer what she wanted and needed. He was a wandering cowboy who considered those he loved to be inconvenient to his way of life. Her mind said her judgment might be a little harsh but her heart felt the familiar pain of being a burden to someone.
The children should not feel that way.
And yet didn’t they deserve to be with an uncle who loved them?
How could he love them and plan to give them away?
It was a question she meant to put to him. There had to be a way for him to keep the children, and she’d help him find it.
Chapter Three (#ulink_7c4c1ed5-286a-5500-9d31-bf1452bea7aa)
Wade’s heart had momentarily stalled when Missy’s hand pressed his shoulder. Perhaps she had come to understand the wisdom of his decision regarding the children and, seeing how difficult it was to think of saying perhaps a final goodbye to them, offered her sympathy. It would be nice to have someone stand by him through a wrenching farewell.
Then she’d removed her hand, leaving a cold spot on his shoulder and an empty hole in his heart as reason returned. No sense hoping she would change her opinion of him.
He brought his thoughts back to the here and now. “Annie, I’d love to hear your song.”
The child stood before the manger, her hands folded at her waist, and faced those gathered before her. She smiled widely, her eyes shone and she looked beyond them as if seeing something the rest couldn’t.
Wade guessed she was seeing her mama, perhaps thinking of the times they’d spent learning this song and so much more. Susan had always been a good teacher even when they were children together. His throat tightened with sweet memories.
Then Annie began to sing, her clear, sweet voice reaching to the rafters.
“O come, little children, come one and come all,
O come to the manger in Bethlehem’s stall,
And see what our Father in heaven above,
Has sent to us all on this earth with his love.”
Wade couldn’t stop the tears that stung his eyes nor the lump that swelled in his throat. He would not weep. Not in front of all these people. Joey grabbed his hand and squeezed hard. He dared not look at the boy, who was likely assaulted by memories every bit as much as Wade himself.
On his other side, he reached for Missy’s hand, not allowing himself time to consider his actions or forecast what her reaction would be. He only knew he needed to hang on to something—someone who wouldn’t let him go. When she gripped his hand and rubbed his arm, he drank in her comfort. There’d be time enough later to tell himself she could save her sympathy for the children.
He didn’t dare look at the other cowboys in the barn, but a muffled cough or two informed him there might be others struggling with sad memories and overwhelming emotions.
Annie finished and her audience clapped loudly. She curtsied, then hurried to Wade and pressed against his legs. He lifted her in his arms. She buried her face against his neck and he held on tight. He never wanted to let her or Joey go. But he’d promised to see they got a good home and he meant to keep his promise. He had nothing to offer them. Even if he did, they deserved far better.
One by one the men left. Daisy led her brothers and sister away. Grady had gone with Eddie. Only Wade, Missy and the children remained.
“I’ll leave you with the children,” she murmured, and slipped away from his side.
For some strange, inexplicable reason he wanted to call her back, but he had no cause. Yes, she’d agreed to help with the children, but how much help did he need to stand with them in a barn stall? So he shrugged and said nothing.
“Where you going?” Annie’s voice rose to a squeak.
Missy stopped and smiled at the child. “I think you and Joey need to be alone with your uncle.”
Annie’s bottom lip quivered and Joey, trying his best to be strong, squeezed Wade’s hand hard enough to send a thread of admiration through his unsettled thoughts. The boy had a good grip for one so young.
“Please don’t go,” Annie begged, and reached out for Missy’s hand.
She looked at Wade, seeking his decision. “No reason you have to run off,” he said, not realizing how unwelcoming his words sounded until they were uttered. “We aren’t staying much longer, anyway.” That didn’t sound much better. Best he just shut his mouth before he made things worse.
“Very well.” Missy straightened and faced him squarely. The flash in her blue-green eyes made him blink. Was she silently trying to tell him something? What? He searched through his scrambled thoughts but could find no clue.
“Is that the end of the Boxing Day event?” Annie asked, about the time the silence between them grew heavy.
He jerked his attention back to the scene before him. The manager lay as if prepared for the baby Jesus. The children watched him, waiting for him to answer, perhaps even to suggest how the day was to proceed. The light from the barn windows formed a glow about Missy’s head. Feathers of her blond hair captured the pale yellow light. Her bright eyes were like beacons in the sky.
“Uncle Wade?” Joey jerked on his arm. “Is that all there is?”
Faint expectation colored the boy’s words. Joey, he’d come to realize, did not allow himself to hope for things, fearing disappointment, or worse, pain, sorrow, loss. How well Wade understood the boy’s caution, but Joey was too young to let life’s uncertainties keep him from enjoying life’s joys.
“I’m sure there’s lots of good things ahead. Let’s go back to the house and see what’s next.” He led them down the alley and held the barn door for them to step out.
Annie grabbed Joey’s hand. “Let’s run.”
Wade followed Missy from the barn. “Wanna run?”
She laughed—a sweet pure sound like a morning bird. “Not today, thanks.”
They fell in step side by side. He matched his stride to hers, content to take his time reaching the house. The children ran and skipped and played tag with each other.
“It’s good to see them enjoying the day,” he offered, hoping she would see he gave them enough to make them happy for the present. If only he could offer them the future. He slammed a door on such thoughts. A man must do what was right. Not necessarily what suited him.
“Children know how to make the most of the moment,” she said, though he detected a hesitation in her voice, as if she didn’t quite believe it. Then she continued, “But I suppose even children can’t ignore the past or the future.”
She stopped, and he did also. He faced her, knowing from the expression on her face he wouldn’t care for what she had to say.
“Wade, why won’t you make a home for these children? It’s obvious they love you and you love them.”
Her words ripped a bleeding path through his heart. She would never understand and he wouldn’t try to explain his reasons, so he simply repeated the words he’d said to himself seconds before. “A man must do what is right. Not necessarily what suits him. I promised their mother I would see they got a good home and I intend to do just that.” Wade turned to stare ahead, seeing nothing but the agony of his own regrets and failures. If only he was a better man, one who could take care of those who depended on him.
His heart hurt so bad he thought it might bleed out through his pores.
Missy caught his arm, sending a jolt through him. “You could give them a good home.”
He shook his head and refused to look at her, instead focusing his attention on the spot where her hand touched his arm. He drew in a deep breath. “I can’t.” He would say no more. “But I promised them we’d celebrate Christmas.” That gave him an idea. “You must have done something special as a family the day after Christmas.”
Her fingers pressed into his arm as if a spasm had passed through them. She blinked and then her eyes widened. “We did but I’d forgotten. How could I?” Her gaze bored into him as if searching for the reason. “I was thirteen when my parents died. Old enough to remember all the things we’d done, yet somehow, I’ve forgotten much of it.” Her eyes fairly danced and pleasure filled her face. She laughed low in her throat. “Mama had us write down all the good things from the past and a prayer for the New Year.” Her expression flattened. “I don’t suppose that would be a good activity for Annie and Joey.”
Wanting to bring the joy back to her eyes, Wade said, “Why not? Might be fun.”
She nodded slowly. “I always enjoyed it. Sometimes we did a play, too.”
“Did you write them?” He could almost picture her enthusiasm as she made up a story and acted it out with her siblings. Then he remembered. “Did you only have the one sibling?”
She nodded. “Just Gordie.” Sorrow laced the words and somehow, without planning it, Wade had captured her hands and held them between his own, trying to warm them even though it was only moderately cold out.
“It hurts to lose a brother.”
The smile she gave him trembled. “Or a sister.”
Their gazes locked as they silently offered understanding and sympathy. And found comfort. At least he did. He could only wish he successfully gave it to her as well, but had he? He’d thought he gave Tomasina what she needed, but he’d failed.
He dropped Missy’s hands. “How about we follow your suggestion after lunch?”
“Okay.” She tucked her hands into her sleeves, hiding them completely.
They continued on their way up the hill, watching as the children scampered into the house. When they finally reached the threshold, Missy stepped across and Wade began to close the door.
“Aren’t you coming in?” she asked, stopping him.
“I’m going to help with the chores.” He shut the door between them and remained motionless as he tried to put his feelings into perspective.
He could deal with this upcoming goodbye better if Missy Porter didn’t continually suggest with words and looks that he was somehow failing the children.
She had no idea how badly a man could fail.
* * *
Missy stared at the door. Then she shrugged. He had every right to leave her to care for the children while he did other things. She fully intended he would not regret one penny he paid her. In fact, if she managed things right, she might even make him see that he could give the children the home they deserved. He’d have to remarry or hire a housekeeper, but surely providing the children with a home was reason enough to choose a woman who would put the children’s interests above her own.
I could marry him.
She snorted as the thought echoed in her mind. She had other plans. And even if she didn’t, she had no desire to be seen as a necessary nuisance again. If she ever married— She stopped before she could complete the thought. Knowing how fragile life was, how easily it could be snatched away, leaving the survivors floundering, she didn’t plan to marry.
But if she ever changed her mind, she would marry for love. A great, consuming, overwhelming love that made it impossible to think of any option other than marriage, other than being bound together until death parted them.
She would do her utmost to help Wade find a suitable woman. Her shoulders sagged. She was hundreds of miles from where she knew all the maiden ladies. The only women she knew at Eden Valley Ranch were happily married. Where would she find someone willing to marry Wade and become a parent to Joey and Annie? It was impossible.
With God, all things are possible.
Please, Father God, send someone to love the children and be willing to marry Wade to give them the home they deserve.
Dismissing her hesitation at uttering the prayer, she went to the kitchen to help prepare dinner. The children played nearby, their gazes often darting to her as she worked.
“There’s more butter in the pantry,” Linette said, as Missy set out the meal.
Missy went to get it. When she returned, Annie and Joey stood at the end of the table, eyes wide, expressions drawn tight. Oh, no, had they thought she’d dropped out of their lives just because she’d disappeared for a moment? Her heart twisted within her chest, making her head feel light from lack of air. She set the butter aside and pulled them both to her side. “I promised I would take care of you as long as you are here, and I will.” And lest they thought it was only because she felt she had to, she knelt to face them. “I cannot think of anything in the world I would sooner do than spend time with you two.”
Annie threw her arms about Missy’s neck and hung on, her breath rushing out in a hot gust.
Joey would have hung back, but Missy pulled him against her other shoulder and pressed his head close. She smiled with a heart full of joy that she could help this pair. She knew the pain she would feel when they were wrenched away to their new home, but this was one pain she would not regret.
The outer door opened and Wade stepped inside. He took in the two children cradled in Missy’s arms and his eyes narrowed. She had no way of knowing what he thought of the scene and at the moment she did not care. She was only following her heart.
A few minutes later, the others joined them around the dinner table. As soon as the meal ended, Missy jumped up before either Louise or Linette could get to their weary feet. “You two take your babies and have a rest while I clean up.”
With grateful nods, the new mothers left the room.
“Thank you,” Eddie said.
“Yes, thank you.” Nate gave her a sideways hug.
The three men lingered over coffee as Missy did the dishes and the children played nearby.
“Are you done?” She indicated the empty coffee cups.
“Done.” Eddie pushed back his chair as she scooped them up and washed them. “Nate, why don’t I take a look at that broken wheel on your wagon?”
“I’ll help.” Wade followed the men, reaching for his coat on the hook by the door.
Missy planted herself in front of him. “What about our plans?” Had he already forgotten? She could live with being so easily dismissed, but wouldn’t allow it for the children.
His eyebrows headed upward. “We have plans?”
Heat rushed up her neck and pooled in her cheeks. He’d misunderstood, thought she mean the two of them. “An activity for the children?” she managed to choke out.
“Oh, that.” He let out a gust of air.
She narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. Was it so challenging to think of spending time with her? Would she always be a necessary nuisance to others?
Not if she learned to be a secretary and no longer depended on anyone else.
“I can do it myself if you have other things you need to do.” She would not be treated as a nuisance. And she saw no reason the children should be, either.
“We can get along without you,” Eddie told him.
Missy hadn’t realized the two men waited at the door. What must they think of her? First, asking for Wade to stay, then practically telling him to leave? She must sound silly.
She drew her chin in. She was not silly, though perhaps a little confused by her unusual reaction to the events in which she found herself. Caring so deeply about the children and their future, torn between her feelings of being unwanted and her desire to see Wade give the children a home.
Wade returned his coat to the hook by the door. “Let’s do it.”
The other men left without him.
Linette had told Missy where to find paper and pencils, and invited her to use what she needed. She got four sheets of paper and four pencils and laid them out at the table. Grady had gone upstairs with his mama, but Joey and Annie watched with interest.
“What are we going to do?” Annie asked.
“You showed me a tradition from your family. Now I’m going to show you a tradition from mine.” She explained what they’d done when Mama and Papa were alive.
Annie took up her pencil. “But I can’t write.”
“I’ll... We’ll help you.” The look she gave Wade informed him he was part of this.
His gaze captured hers. “We’ll work together.” His quiet response brought a rush of heat to her heart. She needed to stop judging him as if he was Gordie. She had to stop letting her feelings of rejection color her attitude toward him.
“Joey writes his name very well.” At Wade’s softly spoken words, she sucked in a deep breath.
“Fine, put your name on the top of your page.” She wrote her name on hers and helped Annie, who sat at her side.
Wade and Joey, sitting side by side, wrote their names.
“Now what?” Joey asked, sounding a bit uncertain.
“Now we start listing all the good things about the past year.”
The three of them stared at the blank page, no doubt thinking the death of two people they loved and missed could not be considered good. But her goal was to help them find good despite the tragedy of their lives.
Holding the pencil, her hand hovered over the paper as she realized she needed this exercise as much as they did. “There are things in life that make us unhappy and sad.” Her voice was low. She hoped they wouldn’t hear the strain that made her throat tight. “Those things are like clouds hiding the sun.” To illustrate, she drew a little sketch. “Some clouds are white and fluffy. Some are dark and heavy.” She added a dark one to her drawing. “But if we push them aside, the sun is still shining and it makes things bright.” She erased the clouds and drew a field of flowers and trees and birds.
Annie nodded. “That’s nice.”
Joey and Wade wore matching expressions of doubt.
Missy smiled at how alike they were. “Let’s see how many good things we can remember. I’ll go first.” She bent over the paper and wrote “Baby Chloe.” “I love my little niece and I am so happy she’s here.”
Joey’s expression relaxed a bit, but Wade’s was still tight.
Missy looked at the three who shared the table. “Who wants to go next?”
“Me.” Annie edged her paper toward Missy. “Write your name.”
“My name?” Missy wasn’t sure she understood the child’s intent.
“Yes. I’m glad we found you.”
Missy’s heart stalled. Her gaze slid toward Wade. He watched her unblinkingly, his blue eyes giving away nothing. She swallowed hard. Did he object to the child’s request? Perhaps he was concerned Missy would have a bad influence on the children, that she’d suggest they should bombard him with demands for him to keep them. No, she silently informed him. She’d be the one doing the bombarding.
Joey bent over his paper. “I want to write her name, too.”
Wade jerked his attention to the boy and Missy turned back to Annie. She wrote her name on Annie’s paper.
Wade spelled out her name for Joey to print on his paper and then, to Missy’s consternation, he wrote it on his own. She stared at the letters forming her name. Black. Thick. Solid. She tried to make sense of seeing them on his page, in what was supposed to be a list of good things. If she’d given it a bit of thought she might have predicted the children would count her as a good thing. But Wade? She fought to keep from looking at him.
“Is that bad?” Joey asked, misconstruing her silence.
She turned her attention back to the children. “Not at all. I’m so touched I can’t think of what to say.”
Annie patted Missy’s hand. “You’ll think of something.”
Missy chuckled. “I suppose I will.”
Satisfied that things were back to normal, Annie studied Missy’s page. “What else are you going to put on yours?”
“You two for sure.” She wrote their names.
“But what about Uncle Wade?” At the uncertainty in Joey’s voice, Missy held the pencil poised above the paper, wanting to satisfy the boy, but not wanting to give Wade cause to think her too forward.
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Linda Ford
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современная зарубежная литература
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: The Cowboy′s FamilyMissy Porter knows all too well about losing a family, so she′ll do anything to keep cowboy Wade Snyder and his orphaned niece and nephew together. Even put her own plans of independence on hold—temporarily—to help care for the children during Christmas. But in helping to fix this family, she realizes she wants to be more than just the nanny.Wade has never recovered from the unexpected loss of his wife. Now he doesn′t think he can be the family man that little Annie and Joey deserve. So he′s determined to find the children a loving adoptive home. But with Missy by his side, his long-forgotten dream of happily-ever-after might just be within reach…Christmas in Eden Valley: Forging a future in Canada′s west country