My Sweetest Escape
My Sweetest Escape
Chelsea M. Cameron
The past will always find you… Jos Archer was the girl with the perfect life—until the night it all came crashing down around her. Now, nine months later, she still hasn’t begun to pick up the pieces. Even transferring to a new college and living under the watchful eye of her older sister, Renee, isn’t enough to help her feel normal again. And then she meets Dusty Sharp. For reasons Jos can’t begin to fathom, the newly reformed campus bad boy seems determined to draw her out of her shell. And if she’s not careful, his knowing green eyes and wicked smile will make her feel things she’s no longer sure she deserves. But even as Dusty coaxes Jos to open up about the past, he’s hiding secrets of his own. Secrets about the night her old life fell apart. When the truth is finally revealed, will it bring them closer together—or tear them apart for good?'A wonderful, captivating, and heartbreaking story that pulled me in from page one.' -Jessica Sorensen,
The past will always find you
Jos Archer was the girl with the perfect life—until the night it all came crashing down around her. Now, nine months later, she still hasn’t begun to pick up the pieces. Even transferring to a new college and living under the watchful eye of her older sister, Renee, isn’t enough to help her feel normal again.
And then she meets Dusty Sharp. For reasons Jos can’t begin to fathom, the newly reformed campus bad boy seems determined to draw her out of her shell. And if she’s not careful, his knowing green eyes and wicked smile will make her feel things she’s no longer sure she deserves.
But even as Dusty coaxes Jos to open up about the past, he’s hiding secrets of his own. Secrets about the night her old life fell apart. When the truth is finally revealed, will it bring them closer together—or tear them apart for good?
My Sweetest Escape
Chelsea M. Cameron
www.miraink.co.uk (http://www.miraink.co.uk)
Contents
Chapter 1 (#u31858067-3765-5100-8145-0cd6ea700e06)
Chapter 2 (#uf0db457f-74a8-595e-bd75-7d9fae69490b)
Chapter 3 (#u6a48054a-1202-5a2d-8f11-a607fec62ec5)
Chapter 4 (#uaa097fbb-6862-5d74-a07b-62758246b9d9)
Chapter 5 (#u7f698091-da3a-5456-bbed-0b28918248b5)
Chapter 6 (#u5b8e914b-ac1e-5619-98a5-295dac0639b9)
Chapter 7 (#u08eabb64-427c-5bc9-b9f6-bb0cc7862e76)
Chapter 8 (#u8c1fbb0c-fc23-569f-a91a-6f8213f37348)
Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 24 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 25 (#litres_trial_promo)
Excerpt (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 1
“I can’t believe your parents are forcing you to leave. It should be, like, illegal. You’re over eighteen. Why don’t you just bail?” Kelly sat on top of one of the boxes of my almost-packed dorm room and snapped her gum. When we’d first met, the little habit had irritated me to no end, but I’d gotten used to it.
“I wish I could, but they’re footing the bill for school, so right now I’m screwed,” I said. Not to mention the fact that no one said no to my mother. No one.
“Why don’t you drop out?” Oh, I’d considered that more than once. Actually, more than a thousand times. It was impossible to explain the complicated dynamic of my family to someone like Kelly, who had moved out of her parents’ house and gotten her own place when she was still in high school.
“I don’t know,” I said, shrugging and taping up another box. Kelly flipped her dirty blond dreadlocked ponytail and cracked her gum again. She’d asked me if I needed help packing, but so far all she’d done was bother me.
“You’ll come back and visit, right?” she asked.
“Yeah, sure,” I told her with a little smile. We both knew it was unlikely that I’d ever get back here. I folded my University of New Hampshire blanket and shoved it into another box. My mom had bought it for me two summers ago as a going-away-to-college present.
I was one of only two of my siblings or steps who’d actually managed to graduate high school, let alone get accepted somewhere. Neither Mom nor Dad nor any of my stepparents had finished high school, so it was a big deal for any of us to make it that far. The only other one who had was Renee, and that was the reason they were shipping me back to Maine to live with her after...everything.
Kelly’s phone buzzed and she typed a quick response to the text message and grinned at me.
“Mac wants to meet up for coffee.” I always wished she’d put coffee in air quotes, because we both knew that it meant getting stoned and hooking up in the backseat of his rusty Pontiac. Kelly and her boyfriend were notorious; they’d even been caught by campus security in the middle of the day. It was a miracle they were still students at all. I think they were holding on by the thinnest of academic threads.
“Have fun.” I knew she’d bail on me for Mac. She always did. Kelly wasn’t much of a friend, but she was the only one I had. The others had ditched me months ago.
“Call me before you leave. I wanna say goodbye.” She got up and gave me a loose hug. It was more of a lean involving arms that was over as quickly as it had begun.
“See you later,” she said, slamming the door. Kelly could never leave a room quietly.
I stared at my deconstructed dorm room. My roommate was avoiding me, had been avoiding me since the beginning of this year. We’d had all of two conversations—one of those happened on the day we moved in, and the other happened when she found me passed out in front of the door one night after a crazy time with Kelly and Mac and a bunch of people I hadn’t seen again. As if I’d remember them anyway.
I took Kelly’s place on one of the boxes, pulling my knees up and resting my chin on them.
The fight I’d had with my mother when she’d told me that I was being forced to move back kept running through my mind. Actually, the entire Christmas break had been one long fight that didn’t seem to end.
What is wrong with you, Joscelyn? You’d better straighten up and fly right. You are coming back to Maine, or else I am coming there and dragging your ass back, understand?
Straighten up and fly right. Yeah, I’d get right on that, Mom. She was one to talk. My parents had a half-dozen marriages between them and kids and stepkids all over the place. It was a full-time job just keeping track of them.
I’d screamed myself hoarse, but hadn’t gotten anywhere. She’d even put a moratorium on hating Dad long enough to call him, fill him in and then get him to yell at me, too.
I was powerless against the two of them.
And then there was Renee.
If Mom didn’t drag my ass back, Renee would be on that. She was worse than Mom in some ways.
Speaking of my sister...
My phone rang, and when I saw who was calling, I debated about picking it up.
“Hey,” I said, wincing in anticipation of the barrage I knew was coming.
“You better be getting your stuff together and be out the door,” she said by way of a greeting.
“Nice to talk to you, too, dear sister.”
“Don’t give me that shit, Jos. I am so done with this. You’d better get your butt on the road in the next hour or—”
“I know, I know. You’ll surgically remove my fingers and sew them to my ass. I know.” Having a sister who knew surgical procedure and who was also mad at you really sucked sometimes.
“Hey, I don’t need the attitude. You’re lucky that you’re coming to be here with me instead of Mom.” She did have a point. Back at Mom’s I’d just be drowning in a sea of my step and half siblings, among them a set of four-year-old twins who made the devil look like Mother Teresa.
“I know,” I said. That seemed to be my phrase of choice lately.
“Just know that I’m going to be on your ass like white on rice, and if I’m not around someone else will do it for me. You’re walking into a house full of people that are going to watch your every move and call you out on it. Understand?”
Jesus Christ.
“Yup.”
“Okay. I’ll be waiting for you. Call me the second you leave.”
“I will. ’Bye.”
I hung up before she could say anything else. I put my hands over my face and screamed into them. This was a nightmare I never seemed to wake up from.
Asleep or awake, it never left me.
But I was awake now, and I had to move, so I got off the box and picked it up.
Chapter 2
After nearly twelve trips and a lot of sweating and swearing, I got all my stuff into my car. Despite it being freezing outside, I peeled off my winter coat and just wore my ratty sweatshirt, my breath visible in the January air. People walked by and gave me looks, and I knew what they were thinking. Just another student who couldn’t hack it and was being forced to leave and not come back after Christmas break.
They didn’t have any idea.
I went back up to the half-bare room and looked at it one more time.
Goodbye, freedom.
I didn’t bother to leave my roommate a note and just shut the door behind me. It wasn’t like she’d care anyway.
I texted Kelly that I was leaving, but she didn’t respond. Big surprise. Other than Kelly, there wasn’t really anyone else at UNH that I had left to say goodbye to. I hadn’t heard from Matt since before the summer, when he’d broken up with me. The others, my little circle of friends, had long since lost touch with the crazy, reckless emo girl. I’d heard them talking about my transformation behind my back more than once.
Snow was just starting to float down from the sky when I got back downstairs to my car. I could barely see out the rearview mirror, but I was mostly driving on the highway anyway.
I plugged my iPod into my car speakers and hit Shuffle. It was going to be a long trip and I only had music for company. The sleeve on my sweatshirt rode up, exposing the bracelet I never took off. It was simple, just a chain with a little elephant charm on it. I kept it as a reminder. A constant reminder.
Shaking my head, I pulled away from the dorm and headed for the highway and the next chapter in my life. A fresh start was irrelevant when the dark things in your past were always following you.
* * *
It took me longer than I anticipated to get from New Hampshire to my sister’s house in Bangor, Maine. Actually, it wasn’t even her house. She’d moved in with this guy Hunter, who was buying the house because he was apparently loaded. Leave it to Renee to find a rich friend. She was also on again with her boyfriend, Paul, which was a good thing, in my opinion, because she was a pain in the ass when she wasn’t with him. Even more so than she was when she was with him.
I hadn’t seen the house before, so it was a bit of a shock when I parked in front of the house Renee had given me directions for.
“Damn,” I said. It was huge. Way huger than Renee had let on. I’d pictured something a little run-down, and small, but this was bigger than any house I’d ever lived in, with Mom or Dad.
I grabbed my backpack and headed up the porch steps, glancing at the cars in the driveway as I passed them. It was easy to spot Renee’s, so I knew I must have the right place.
There was even a freaking doorbell. My finger was an inch away from ringing it when the door flew open.
“There you are! I was worried you were lying in a ditch somewhere,” Renee said, flinging herself at me. Startled by the hug, I sort of stood there and kind of hugged her back.
“I’m here.”
Somehow, I’d gotten a recessive redhead gene in our family and ended up with carrot-red hair, freckles and green eyes. Renee had gotten the good genes, with her blue eyes and blond hair that didn’t need much highlighting. Our features were similar, but our coloring was so different that people never thought we were sisters.
She finally stopped hugging me, but kept her hand clamped on my shoulder and steered me into the house, as if I was going to make a run for it. Where, I didn’t know. Renee had mentioned something about Stephen King living down the street, but I wasn’t sure if I’d be any safer at his house anyway.
“How was the driving?” Renee closed the door behind us and it clicked shut with finality.
“Fine,” I said, glancing around the house. Damn. Again. I didn’t know who had decorated, but they’d obviously used those crazy home-improvement magazines as inspiration.
One thing was for sure—it didn’t look like a typical college crash pad. It was clean, first of all, and second, there seemed to be an actual scheme where things matched and went together. There were also a lot of peacock feathers, and similar peacock colors around. Renee had mentioned something about her roommate Taylor being obsessed with peacock stuff. I couldn’t remember why. I sort of tuned out when Renee gushed about her amazing and awesome life, while mine had gone into a downward spiral that never seemed to hit bottom.
“Hey, Jos. How are you doing?” Paul came around the corner. He was cute in one of those white-bread nerd ways. Not my type. Not that I had a type...anymore.
“Good.” It was a step up from fine. No one questioned you when you said you were good. Everyone thought there was something wrong with you if you said, “fine.”
He gave me an awkward hug. I’d seen him at Christmas when he’d kept Mom and Renee from throttling each other with varying success. I’d tried to tell him it was no use, but he’d done it anyway.
“Where’s everyone else?” I was actually looking forward to seeing Darah and meeting her new boyfriend. Darah was one of the sweetest people on the planet, and I knew if there was anyone who wouldn’t judge me, it would be her.
“They wanted to give us some space. They’ll be here later.” Something about the way she said it made me suspicious.
“They’re not going to make a big deal about it, are they?”
“No,” Renee said, not looking at me, but glancing at Paul. Something was afoot.
“So, how about we get your stuff inside, shall we? Come on, Paul.” Renee grabbed Paul’s hand and yanked him out the door.
“Uh, okay.” I was left standing in the foyer alone. I walked into the living room, which was gorgeously decorated, except for a mangy-looking recliner and the video games the guys had probably left scattered around. I saw the “Skyrim” box and smiled. Renee couldn’t get enough of that game. It had consumed quite a bit of her time over Christmas break.
I flopped down onto the couch and stared up at the ceiling. Even that was clean.
A thud sounded a second later as Renee and Paul brought in some of my stuff.
“Since we only have three bedrooms, you, my dear sister, get to stay in the newly refurbished basement. You’re lucky we decided to put in a guest room,” Renee said, panting.
“Great,” I said, although I wouldn’t have minded staying on the plush leather couch. It was the largest couch I’d ever seen and took up most of the living room.
“Why don’t you show her around and I’ll get the rest of the stuff,” Paul said. I got up from the couch and Renee led me down the stairs into the basement.
“Welcome to the man cave,” Renee said, waving her arm. A man cave indeed. A bar, a pool table, yet another gigantic couch and a television large enough for a movie theater. There were also several sports team posters, including the Red Sox, the Patriots and the Celtics. Go teams.
Renee led me toward the back of the space where there was a small guest room with a bathroom right beside it. Thank God. I wouldn’t have to share a bathroom. I’d done that in the dorms enough to last a lifetime.
“So this is it.” The room was decorated in tan and black, which was boring, but nice.
I sat down on the large bed and looked around at my new home.
“Okay, we have some ground rules,” Renee said, leaning against the dresser. Don’t even bother to beat around the bush, sis. Go ahead and get right to the point.
“Number one,” she said, holding up one finger. “You will inform me where you are and who you are with at all times. You will keep in touch via cell phone. You will also answer said phone when I call you, no matter what.”
I clamped my mouth shut. I didn’t want to provoke her in the middle of her speech that she’d clearly rehearsed, probably on Paul.
“Second—” she held up another finger “—there will be no partying. No drinking. No drugs. No substances of any kind other than aspirin. There will also be no passing out. Third, there will be a curfew which you will follow or suffer the consequences. Fourth, I may not be your mother, but you will treat me with respect, and that goes for the other people in this house. And fifth...” She didn’t seem to be able to come up with number five.
“Fifth?” I said after a few seconds of silence.
“I had a fifth one, but I can’t remember it right now,” she snapped. “But that doesn’t negate the other four. Do you agree to them?”
“Yeah,” I said. What did it matter?
“You said yes way too easily. I don’t believe you.”
Jesus. I was being criticized for being too agreeable.
“Whatever, Renee. Can I just be alone now?” I turned over on the bed, touching the sheets that were no doubt Egyptian cotton and had a crazy high thread count. Of course.
“Listen,” she said, sitting down next to me. Ugh, she always started her lectures like this. Just like Mom. Although, Renee’s lectures always had more cursing in them than Mom’s.
“You’re going through something right now. A phase, if you will. I’ve been there. Even Paul was there.” Yeah, I found that extremely hard to believe. And she had no idea what I was going through. She thought she did, but she didn’t. No one did, and I couldn’t explain it. I twisted the elephant charm on my bracelet.
And then she smacked me on the shoulder. Hard.
“But it’s time for you to get your head out of your ass and straighten up. Understand?”
“Why with the violence?” I flipped over, jumped up and shoved her back. “Look, it’s not my fault that Mom decided to dump me on you. I don’t want to be here any more than you want me to be.”
She glared at me, her face turning red.
“Look, I don’t like the fact that my once-perfect sister, the one sister I knew would never screw up, has fallen off the wagon of epic proportions. You’re the one I never worried about. You got better grades than I ever dreamed of getting. You were the good one. And then...”
She didn’t need to finish. And then everything happened, and that girl, the one who obsessed over straight A’s and wanted to be the president of every club and who had her sights set on being valedictorian and someday running a huge company or working for the government or doing something important with her life, disappeared.
Nine months ago, everything changed, and everything I thought I wanted seemed stupid and pointless. Or maybe I’d just finally realized it was stupid and pointless. That had less to do with what had happened and more to do with him. Even thinking his name was like taking a bullet in the chest.
“Yeah, then I decided to screw it all up. I know. I’ve heard the story. I was there. You don’t need to reiterate it to me.”
She shrugged. “Well, nothing else has worked, so I thought I’d give it a shot. I’ve also considered beating you senseless, but that’s usually frowned upon.”
“Go for it,” I said, sitting back down. Wasn’t going to work.
“Oh, believe me, I’d love to. But then you’d be unconscious and I wouldn’t be able to get information out of you, soooo...”
“And what information is that?”
“What the hell happened to you to make you like this?”
That was something she could try to beat out of me, but it wasn’t going to happen. I shoved her aside and went back out into the main area of the basement.
“I guess I just decided all that stuff was bullshit. Getting good grades, being the good daughter. Where did it get me? Nowhere. And I was miserable. I never got to have any fun because I was always working or trying to get those good grades or planning some sort of event for one of the million clubs I was in. I got tired of it, okay?” I understood them being upset about me partying and that sort of thing, but just because I wasn’t getting straight A’s anymore, that was a reason to have a coronary?
Renee grabbed my shoulder to stop me from running up the steps. I tried to shake her off, but she yanked me around to face her.
“No, that’s not it. You’ve spent your entire life following the rules. You don’t do that and then just flip a switch and change. People don’t change like that unless something makes them.” I’d had this conversation with her, with my parents, with my now ex-boyfriend and ex-friends. I told them all the same thing.
“Just leave me alone.” Everyone had, eventually.
Renee glared at me, her eyes turning a steely blue like they did when she was determined about something. Getting her to back off was going to be a challenge. She took stubborn to a whole new level.
“Fine. Go get the rest of your stuff.” She let go of my arm and jerked her chin up the stairs.
“Fine,” I said, stomping up the stairs.
Chapter 3
“Hey, Jos,” Darah said, coming in while I was putting my clothes away in the dresser. Her voice scared the crap out of me and I dropped the Fall Out Boy T-shirt I’d been refolding.
“Hey,” I said, picking up the shirt and turning around. I could never figure out how Darah and Renee had become friends, because they were like night and day. But out of all of Renee’s friends, I liked Darah the best. I hadn’t met Taylor yet, I supposed, so I couldn’t judge her.
“Are you settling in okay?” It was then that I noticed she had a plate of cookies. Oh, Jesus. What next? “Cookie? Taylor and I made them last night. They’re snickerdoodles. I know those are your favorite.” Yes, they were, but that wasn’t the point.
“Thanks, but I’m fine.” I refolded the T-shirt and put it in with the others. Darah sighed and sat down on my bed, setting the plate of cookies next to her.
“Look,” she started. Here we go again. “I know that everyone is going to be up in your face and scrutinizing you, but I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you. If you want to talk, if you don’t want to talk. Whatever. Even if you want to...I don’t know, eat ice cream and cry in the middle of the night. I’m here, okay?”
She got up and rubbed my shoulder. What was it with people invading my personal space? It was really starting to piss me off. If Darah hadn’t been one of the sweetest people on the planet, I would have shrugged her hand off and told her to leave me alone. But she was the sweetest person ever, and she’d brought cookies, so I let her touch me as I gritted my teeth.
“Okay, well, let us know if you need anything. Um, Hunter and Taylor are doing dinner tonight, and it’s going to be vegetarian, if you’re cool with that.” I nodded. Back in the day I’d been an on-and-off vegetarian. Back in the day when I’d been in the Climate Action Club and a card-carrying member of PETA. I might still have the thing in my wallet. God, I’d been wound so fucking tight back then. I’d also done a lot less cursing.
“Come on up when you’re ready.” She patted me once more and shut the door behind her, leaving the plate of cookies. Did they expect me to polish those off and then have dinner? I shrugged, snagging one of the cookies. She must have put them in the microwave, because they were warm and crumbly. Oh, wow. I chewed slowly, savoring the spicy sweetness of the cookie.
Footsteps and voices sounded upstairs. I heard laughter and chaos. The house above me was full of life and joy and people. And then there was me, hanging out in the basement. Lurking like a creeper. I shook my head and shoved the rest of the cookie into my mouth and went back to folding.
* * *
When the smell of whatever they were cooking upstairs became too much for me to withstand anymore, I ventured up the stairs.
“There you are,” Renee said, nearly crashing into me as I opened the door. She’d obviously been coming down to drag me upstairs from my cave.
“Here I am.” I gave her a tight smile as we walked into the kitchen/dining room. Everyone went absolutely silent as Renee and I walked in.
“Awesome. I was totally going for that reaction. Well played, everyone,” I said as they all tried to resume their normal activities. It was weird seeing some of them in person, because I’d only seen them in pictures. They really were three-dimensional.
Hunter was the first to come over and offer me his hand. I got to give him the once-over and I understood what Renee had said about not allowing him near anything flammable because he would set it on fire with his hotness. Yeah, he had the whole tatted-up, muscled thing going on. Plus his smile was genuine when he said he’d been looking forward to meeting me. Taylor was next, but she didn’t touch me. Thank God. She was also just as freaking adorable as the pictures I’d seen her in. It was easy to see why Renee and Darah had asked her to move in with them.
“I hope this is okay. I wasn’t sure what you’d like. We were planning on doing something bigger, but Renee... Never mind,” Taylor said, after getting the evil eye from Renee. I didn’t need to be able to see her giving it to know that was what she was doing. I’d been on the receiving end of that look more times than I could count. Paul stood next to Renee and gave me a comforting smile.
Last was a guy who looked like he missed his calling as a professional football player. Or wrestler. Or attractive bouncer. I guess sexy ran in the family of Hunter and Mase.
“Little Ne,” he said, giving me a handshake that nearly crushed all of my fingers. “It’s cool if we call you that, right? We’ll probably come up with a better nickname at some point. Unless you hate nicknames as much as your sister seems to.” He looked a little sheepish, which was kind of funny, given how strong he looked.
“Whatever,” I said, flexing my hand to get the feeling back into it. “I’m neutral in nicknames.” I couldn’t count how many I’d had in my life. Most of them I’d ignored, including when my sister Cari spent an entire summer calling me “Stinky Butt.” To be fair, she was three, and “Joscelyn” was a mouthful to say.
“Thanks for the cookies,” I said to Darah, who was absentmindedly stroking Mase’s arm. “They were really good.”
“Oh, good. I was hoping you’d like them,” Taylor said, stirring something in one of the steaming pots on the stove. “This is about ready, so why don’t you go sit down?”
“Is there, um, anything I can do to help?” Granted, I had been forced here, but they didn’t have to take me in. They could have said no.
“Don’t worry, sis. You’ll be on the chore chart soon enough,” Renee said, steering me toward the dining room table. Someone had already set out the plates, and there was a place set for me, with a card sitting on the plate, and yes, it was handmade.
“Taylor and Darah made that, so you have to gush about it even if you hate it,” Renee hissed as I opened it. How could I hate it? Someone had made some really cool designs with paint on the front that looked like fireworks, and there were letters cut from magazines spelling out the words WELCOME TO YELLOWFIELD HOUSE.
“Yellowfield House?” I said.
Renee rolled her eyes and sat down next to me, Paul on her other side. I caught him taking her hand under the table and giving it a squeeze.
“It was Taylor’s idea. She wanted it to be like in one of those British novels, where the house has a name. It was, like, the only way she’d agree to let us all live here. It was her one stipulation,” Renee said with a shrug.
“She wanted to make a sign and everything, but the rest of us vetoed it,” Paul said. “It was really cute, actually. She was so excited. And then we shot her down.”
“Um, weird,” I said.
“Shh,” Renee said as everyone else carried dishes and pans and other dinner paraphernalia. The second everyone sat down it was a chaos of passing plates and bumping elbows and trying to get everyone what they needed. Taylor had made spaghetti with an olive oil sauce with tons of vegetables and garlic bread and a salad. It was crazy delicious, and even though I’d consumed several of the cookies, I put away more than my share of dinner. It beat the hell out of the cafeteria food, or eating ramen for the millionth time.
Everyone laughed and talked about their day, and for the first time, I wasn’t the center of attention. It was really...nice. They were all just so damn happy and smiley and in love. It was enough to make me sick, but instead it somehow had the opposite effect. I’d really wanted to hate it here. It would have been more appropriate for me to hate it.
“Um, I still have some...stuff to unpack,” I said, getting up as soon as I could. I needed to get back to the loneliness of the basement. All the happy was screwing with my head. Renee shot me a look, but nodded.
“Are you sure you don’t want to hang out up here? You haven’t even seen the rest of the house yet,” Darah said, giving me a hopeful smile. I couldn’t really get out of that.
“Yeah, sure.” She led me upstairs, showing me her room, which was immaculate, as if they were selling the house and had a decorator come in to make it look good for prospective buyers. Renee refused to let us see her room, and Taylor only gave me a quick glance at her and Hunter’s suite on the top floor.
“Just ignore the clothes on the floor. I know I do.” Hunter and Taylor had tagged along for our little tour. It was technically his house, after all.
“Thanks. For...for letting me come here.” For letting my parents force me on you. I’m sure you had lots of choice in the matter.
“You’re welcome. Any member of Renee’s family is part of ours,” he said, putting an arm around Taylor. Did they have to do that all the time? “I hope everything...works out. I know what it’s like to go through a rough time.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’d heard all about Hunter’s and Taylor’s tragic pasts and subsequent “getting their shit together” moments. They were probably planning my intervention right now. Luring me into a false sense of security before springing it on me.
“Yeah, thanks,” I said as he closed their door and we went back downstairs.
“Are you sure you don’t want to join us for some music?” Darah said as she and Mase canoodled on the couch. What was this, the Partridge family? Seriously, these people were a Cleaver short of a heartwarming fifties family show. “Hunter’s a really good guitar player.”
“I’m good. I still have...stuff to do.”
“And things?” Renee said, giving me a look. Yeah, stuff and things, Renee.
“Am I not allowed to do stuff and things now? Was that the fifth rule on your list?” I snapped, realizing only after I’d said it that everyone could hear me.
“Whatever,” I said, heading for the basement. “I’m going to bed.” It was only eight, but I couldn’t take being around them anymore. They were just so damn happy. It was killing me. I needed to go back to the basement of doom and comfort myself with more cookies and heart-wrenching music.
“Good night,” they all chimed almost in unison. Sick, this was sick. Maybe there was something in the walls that seeped into their pores when they were sleeping. Or maybe it was the water?
I shook my head and walked back down to what I was quickly deciding was my cave. My basement of solitude.
My room reeked of the delicious cookies, and even though I was stuffed from dinner, I ate two more before heading to the shower. The water pressure was significantly better than the dorm, and I took my time, savoring the sensation on the back of my neck. All the showers in the world couldn’t wash away the darkness in my life, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying it.
The charm bracelet caught in my hair as I was brushing it and I spent a good five minutes and several curse words getting it undone.
We’re friends, right? And friends give each other gifts. I know how much you love elephants, so...here, he’d said when he’d presented me with the box. I remembered opening it and falling in love with it. Such a simple, sweet gesture. He’d helped me put it on, and I’d worn it every day since. Especially after...
I shook my head and turned on some music. Something nice and harsh and loud to drown out the Sing-Along hour going on upstairs. After scrolling through my recent purchases, I found the newest Skillet album. Perfect.
I could feel the joy seeping through the floor and invading my cave, so I turned the music up so loud that it was hurting my eardrums. I should have just put on my cost-an-arm-and-a-leg-and-a-kidney headphones, but I didn’t. I unpacked the rest of my stuff and deleted the voice mails from my mother and father, demanding that I call them when I’d gotten to Renee’s. I was sure she’d already called them and shared the news of my safe arrival.
My room was outfitted with a small television and DVD player, but I didn’t turn it on. Instead I got out my laptop and scrolled through my pictures from a year ago. I was torturing myself, I knew.
I remembered that girl. The one who always had her hair perfect with cute clips and had lots of cardigans and pumps. The girl who had a boyfriend who was headed for the White House, and had friends who never let her down. It wasn’t picture-perfect, but it had been as close as it could get. And it had been a complete and utter waste of time and energy.
I slammed my laptop shut and yanked the covers back on the bed and got in. My music was still blaring, but it seemed to be quiet upstairs. Finally. They all probably had class or whatever tomorrow. I was surprised Renee hadn’t been up my butt about registering for classes yet. I had all my paperwork to become a UMaine Black Bear, just like her.
I turned over on my side and closed my eyes. Sleep was far away, and elusive, but that’s how it always was now. I’d gotten used to passing hours by staring at the insides of my eyelids.
* * *
Several hours later, I decided I’d had enough. I needed to go somewhere else. Anywhere else, even if it was just to see the stars. I pulled some sweatpants on over my shorts and grabbed my winter coat and tiptoed up the stairs. I listened for a second to the almost-silent house before I pushed the door to the basement open and started creeping toward the front door. The floors were all hardwood, so creaking was going to be an issue.
And then a voice made me nearly jump out of my skin.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Mase’s head popped up from where he’d been lying on the couch in the living room. Holy...shit.
“Out for a walk,” I said, somehow finding something to say.
“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”
“What?” He got up from the couch and came to stand in front of me, blocking access to the front door. Yeah, there was NO WAY I was getting past him. Not even if I had a weapon.
“Have a seat.” He clamped his hand on my shoulder and steered me toward the couch. I tried to fight him, but he was even stronger than he looked.
“Who are you? My dad?” Actually, my dad never really cared this much what I did. He was always too busy with his current wife and one of my numerous siblings to notice if I skipped out.
He sighed and sat down next to me. “Look, I know you’re going through a tough time. I’m familiar with those. Hunter was in really bad shape for a long time, so while I can’t say I know what you’re going through, I know that whatever you were going to do by leaving this house in the middle of the night isn’t going to help.”
“But—” I tried to get up, and he stopped me again. “I wasn’t going to do anything. I just...needed some space.”
He smiled and shook his head. “You’re not leaving this house right now, capiche?” He pulled me up from the couch and shoved me toward the basement. “Even if I have to sit outside your bedroom door.”
“Why do you care?” I said as I stumbled down the stairs back to my room.
He laughed. “Because Renee said she would drug me, remove my dick and sew it to my face if I let anything happen to you, and I kind of like where my dick is in its present location.”
I almost laughed, too.
“Sounds like Renee.” I paused outside the bedroom door, and he sat down on the stairs.
“I’m also betting that her stubbornness is genetic, so please don’t make me come down here again. I have class in—” he glanced at the clock on the DVD player “—a few hours, so I’d like to get some sleep.” He yawned and started to go back up the stairs.
“Good night, Little Ne.”
“Night,” I said, watching him walk back up the stairs. I waited until I heard a door close before I let out a frustrated sigh. Seriously, Renee? SERIOUSLY?
Chapter 4
Despite my late bedtime, I woke up at seven the next morning, probably because the smell of bacon had penetrated the cracks under the door and seeped into my room.
I got dressed and threw on a ratty thermal shirt with thumbholes I’d made myself, a pair of holey jeans and decided to venture upstairs. I half expected to see Mase sitting next to the door to the basement.
“You’re up,” Renee said, yawning and coming down from upstairs. “I didn’t expect you to be awake this early.” Her hair was all over the place. Either she’d been having some sweet sex with Paul, or she’d been tossing and turning.
“Especially after I tried to sneak out last night, right?” I said, saying the thing I knew she was thinking. She crossed her arms and her eyes narrowed.
“We will discuss that later. Right now you’re going to have breakfast because it’s the most important meal of the day.”
Where was she getting this stuff?
“You’re not my mother,” I said, walking away from her and heading for the kitchen. She wouldn’t make a scene in front of everyone. At least, I hoped not.
“Hey, Little Ne,” Mase said brightly, looking up from a giant mug of what I assumed was coffee. Darah was manning several frying pans and Taylor was slumped over at the dining room table.
“Why did I sign up for an eight-thirty class again?” she moaned as Renee went to the coffeepot and poured herself a cup before going back upstairs.
“Because it was the only time offered and you need the class to graduate?” Darah said, dumping a huge mess of bacon onto a plate covered in paper towels.
“You want some?” Darah said. I shook my head. As nice as the bacon smelled, I didn’t think I could stomach it. “We have some toast and eggs, if you want. And there’s always cereal, and I think we still have some pumpkin doughnuts somewhere.” God, it was like living in a bed-and-breakfast.
“Um, do you have any tea?” I sat down at the table near Taylor, who was trying to pull herself upright so she could drink her coffee.
“Yeah, sure.” Darah opened a bunch of cabinets before unearthing a dusty box of Lemon Zinger tea. It was going to take a little more than zing to fix my problems, but it was a start.
Hunter came down a few minutes later, freshly showered and with a grin on his face.
“Morning, Missy girl,” he said, giving Taylor a kiss. “You awake yet?”
“No,” she moaned, putting her head against his chest. He laughed and pulled her onto his lap, and I remembered my reasons for wanting to get out of the house last night.
“Make it go away,” she said.
“I would if I could, baby.”
Renee and Paul came in a few minutes later. Her hair was fixed and they were both dressed for the day.
“Okay, here’s the deal. Since I don’t trust you on your own, you get to come with me today,” Renee said, with a sweet smile that I could tell was hurting her teeth. Everyone looked at me.
“And since I have class in less than an hour, you’d better get your ass dressed and ready to go.”
“What am I supposed to do all day?” I sipped my tea and stared into the cup so I wouldn’t have to see everyone staring.
“I don’t know. You’ll think of something. As long as it doesn’t involve you getting into trouble, or getting me into trouble, we’ll be good. So, that’s how it’s going to go.” It was another well-rehearsed speech.
“Whatever,” I said, shrugging.
“I said she could come with me,” Darah said, finally breaking the enormous silence that had suffocated the room.
“No, it’s fine. She’s my responsibility,” Renee said, going for the coffee.
“Um, sitting right here,” I said. “And I don’t need a babysitter.”
“That’s not what I hear,” Renee snapped at me. Mase coughed and shoved a piece of bacon into his mouth. He chewed and mouthed “sorry” at me. Of course he’d told her. I would have been shocked if he hadn’t.
I sipped my tea and bit back a snarky response.
* * *
Two hours later I was yawning, sitting outside one of Renee’s labs. I couldn’t remember which one. It sounded complicated and disgusting at the same time. I’d been smart enough to bring my computer, so I’d been catching up on some of my favorite vlogs and music blogs.
Then I played my favorite game of trying to find new music by clicking on random videos online. This summer I’d started a music blog, but I’d been slacking on posting this week. Since I was so new at it, I was still trying to find my niche when it came to what the blog was about. I barely got any views, but I discovered that the only thing I loved more than music was writing about it. Before...everything, I never would have considered music blogging. I still hadn’t told anyone I was doing it. They wouldn’t understand—that was for sure.
Renee had promised me a tour of the campus after we had lunch. From what I’d seen so far, it was a lot like UNH. College campuses were pretty similar, especially if they were state schools. I’d considered coming here, but the idea of being away from my crazy family was more enticing than saving a few bucks by going to an in-state school. I’d gotten into Bowdoin and Bates, two prestigious Maine schools, but they had been far too expensive and my financial aid hadn’t been enough to cover it. Too bad, so sad.
When she finally emerged from her lab, Renee reeked of formaldehyde, but she had a crazy gleam in her eye. She must have gotten to dissect something.
“Have fun?” I said, as I got to my feet. My back was crazy stiff from all the sitting I’d done.
“We got to cut into a fetal pig. It was awesome,” she said, as if she was talking about seeing the latest girlie movie to hit theaters with a hunky vampire in it.
“Sometimes I wonder if we’re related,” I said as the rest of her class poured out. They didn’t seem nearly as enthusiastic as Renee was.
“I’ve been asking myself that very question for years,” she said as we headed toward the Student Union for lunch. Unlike some people who wouldn’t be able to eat after a fetal pig dissection, Renee got herself a bacon cheeseburger and inhaled it like she hadn’t seen food for weeks. I went with a strawberry walnut salad and picked at it.
“So I have to do a three-hour shift at the hospital tonight,” she said after she disposed of the burger and was attacking the fries. How she stayed so thin was beyond me. I usually had to watch what I ate to keep myself thin, or at least thin-ish.
“And?”
“And you’re coming with me, so I hope you have something to do with yourself. Like maybe getting that transfer paperwork together.”
I’d rather have my teeth drilled, but the look on Renee’s face told me I didn’t have a choice.
“So you’re my jailer now, is that it?”
“Well, I wouldn’t have to be if you’d just follow the damn rules, Joscelyn.” God, she sounded like Mom. Way too much like mom. She even had the same “I’m disappointed in you” face.
“Fine. Am I allowed to go to the bathroom, or do you need to come with me to hold the cup while I pee?”
“Cute,” she said as I got up and headed for the bathroom.
* * *
I spent the rest of the day watching movies on my computer. I threw in movie reviews every now and then on my blog just to spice things up. They usually got quite a few hits, especially if they were classics from the eighties. There’s something so comforting about watching a movie you’ve seen a ton of times. I started out with Sixteen Candles, and then because I was in a John Hughes kind of mood, I moved on to Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and then Pretty in Pink, which took me almost to the end of Renee’s shift at the hospital.
I was camped out in one of the lounges, and for a hospital it was pretty quiet except for the occasional squeak of a nurse’s shoes on the linoleum, or a restless kid fussing, or a monitor going off. I’d had dinner at the cafeteria, but that had been a few hours ago, and I was in need of munchies. Renee had showed me a vending machine down the hall, so I fished in my bag for some quarters and paused the movie.
“Yes,” I said as I saw that they had both M&M’s and Skittles. I couldn’t eat one without the other. It was something I’d started doing as a kid, and it was one of those things I’d always done that had never changed.
My M&M’s came out fine, but the stupid Skittles bag got stuck. Great. The universe was out to screw me. I banged on the machine, trying to shake the candy loose. Luckily, there was no one around. I didn’t want to get busted for destruction of hospital property. That would most definitely be against Renee’s rules.
I turned my shoulder and shoved the side of the machine, trying desperately to get the bag of candy to fall from the clutches of the machine.
“Come on, you son of a bitch,” I said, ramming my shoulder into the machine.
“You have to put your hips into it,” a voice said, making me look up from my assault of the vending machine.
“What?” A guy wearing a baggy hoodie and equally baggy jeans over torn-up high-tops was looking at me like I was something he’d never seen before. He had darkish skin, cropped black hair, but the most astonishing green eyes. Unlike mine, which shaded toward blue, they were almost goldish. They popped in his face, especially since they were fixed on me. He jerked his chin at the machine.
“You have to put your hips into it. Here,” he said, glancing over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching before motioning to me to move aside. “The key is to thrust your whole body into it. Not just your shoulders.”
Was it just me, or did he make that sound sexual on purpose? I gaped at him and he laughed. Nope, wasn’t just me. It was one of those laughs that made you want to laugh, too, like a reflex. I was barely able to hide the smile that threatened to spread on my face.
“On three,” he said, putting his hands on the machine next to mine. Up close, his eyes were even brighter. They almost glowed.
“One. Two. Three,” he said, and we both shoved at the machine, which moved a hell of a lot more than when I’d been the only one pushing it. I heard a satisfying clunk of the Skittles falling. The guy went around the front of the machine and pulled the bag out.
“Mission accomplished.” He winked as he held it out to me.
“Thanks,” I said, taking the bag and making sure to avoid touching his hand. I was about to turn around and leave when he made a sound, like he was going to say something. I stood there, waiting.
“I should get back,” I finally blurted out to break the uncomfortable silence that stood between us.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Of course, of course,” he said, shaking his head as if he’d forgotten something and just remembered it. He smiled and stuck his hands into his pockets.
“Okay. Well, ’bye.” I gave him a little wave and turned around. What a weirdo.
“Don’t forget. Put your whole body into it next time, Red,” he said, making me turn back around. He was grinning again. Red? Like I hadn’t heard that one before. At least he hadn’t called me Carrots.
“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks.”
For the last time, I spun around and walked back to the lounge, his laughter echoing behind me.
The lounge was still empty when I got back, and all my stuff was still there, so I settled back in to finish another movie.
Next thing I knew, someone was shaking my shoulder.
“Hey, Jos. Time to go,” Renee said, her voice softer than I’d heard it in a long time. It was the voice she probably used with patients. I’d fallen asleep on the couch. I couldn’t even remember it. My computer was dark; it, too, had gone to sleep.
Renee sat down next to me, pulling my feet into her lap and letting out a heavy sigh.
“So what did you do?”
“Nothing,” I said, tilting my neck back and forth to work out some kinks. “What time is it?”
“Ten. You ready to go home?” Home. Was that what her place was now?
“Yeah.” I swung my feet over and sat up.
“I see you raided the vending machine,” she said, picking up the empty candy bags. “You freak and your candy combinations.” She crumpled them up and found a trash can as I packed up all my stuff.
“Did you get to do anything interesting?” she said as we walked back down to her car.
Other than the interaction with the Vending Machine Hero? I was about to tell her about that and changed my mind.
“Nope,” I said around a yawn. Maybe I’d sleep tonight. Usually I got to a point where I was so exhausted that my body just shut itself down. This felt like one of those times.
“You know, you should call Mom.” I didn’t want to. I knew it would just end up in another yelling match, and I was too tired to deal with that right now.
“I will.” Renee was about to say something, but changed her mind.
“Okay.”
Chapter 5
Everyone was deep in study mode when we got back to the house. Paul had taken up almost the entire dining room table with something that, at a glance, looked far too complicated to even begin to understand.
Taylor and Hunter had the living room, and both had their heads buried deep in textbooks. Darah was at a little desk that was tucked next to the stairs, and I suspected Mase was also around somewhere. Nine months ago, I would have been right there with them. Now I thought they just looked like a bunch of people wasting their time.
“Little Ne,” Mase said, coming down the stairs, a textbook in hand, big surprise. “How’s life?”
“Peachy,” I said, putting my bag down on the bench by the front door. The sound of the door closing seemed to rouse everyone else, and they descended on us. There were just so many of them. It was overwhelming. Plus the happy. That was equally overwhelming. Paul came over and gave Renee a kiss, and she went to sit with him at the dining table to catch up.
“I’m going down to my...room,” I said, catching myself before I could say cave. It wasn’t really a cave. Or, if it was, it was the nicest cave ever. With Wi-Fi and everything.
“Are you sure? This house is yours now. You don’t have to stay down there,” Hunter said. “We’re not that scary, are we?” He turned to Taylor, whose eyes were pretty glazed over.
“What? I’m still thinking about suffragettes.” He gave her a look and shook his head.
“Seriously, Jos, this is your home.” It wasn’t really, but it was nice of him to say that.
“I’m just really tired. I’m going to bed.” I said good-night to everyone, including Renee.
“Not planning any nocturnal activities?” she said.
“Nope,” I said, popping my lips on the p.
“Well, just in case, I’m watching you,” she said, making a gesture with two fingers to her eyes and then pointing them at me. “Whenever you think I’m not there, that’ll be when I show up.”
“Jesus, enough with the third degree. I got it. Message received. Mission accomplished.” I stomped down the stairs and banged the door shut.
Ahh, peace and quiet.
* * *
The rest of the week went pretty much like that first full day, with the exception of Renee letting me go to the admissions office by myself to sign up for all my classes and get everything transferred over from UNH. Since my first year grades were so high, even with the shitty grades I’d gotten last semester, they were still willing to let me in.
When it came to classes, I just picked whatever. I’d decided to stick with my major, political science with a prelaw minor, since it seemed easier than picking a new one. I’d thought transferring would be a pain in the ass, but it was relatively easy, and before the end of the week I was officially a UMaine Black Bear, with an official decal for my car and a copy of the school song, the “Stein Song.” I was sure I wasn’t the first person who found it ironic that a college had a drinking song as their official school song. What kind of message did that send?
I’d only really missed the first week of classes, so I was going to be able to catch up no problem, according to all the professors who had emailed me on my new UMaine account to send me the syllabi from their classes.
Renee wasn’t around to take me to get my textbooks, because of a meeting of her nursing club, so the task fell to Hunter and Taylor, who drove me to campus on Saturday.
They fought about what music to play the whole way there.
“I think that Jos should pick,” Taylor finally said when we were practically driving onto campus.
“I don’t care.”
“The rule is that the driver gets to pick,” Hunter said, skipping a song that Taylor had picked out.
“Uh, no, the rule is that I get to pick.”
“Since when?”
“Since you put this swell ring on my finger,” she said, holding up the amazing ring that Hunter had gotten her when they’d first started dating. It was fucking huge, and nearly blinding when you looked at it. Yet another show of his wealth. It was just wrong that some people had so much money and others had less than nothing. Not that Renee and I were poor, but we definitely got our fair share of financial aid, what with our parents having so many kids between them.
“That ring does not give you totalitarian radio powers,” Hunter said, taking her hand and kissing it.
“Thank God,” I said under my breath as he found a parking spot by the performing arts center, which wasn’t too far from the bookstore. They continued to argue as we walked into the Union and then went downstairs to the bookstore. I was about to tell them that I could just find my books myself when Hunter grabbed my list from my hand and started grabbing books.
“Hold up, dude,” Taylor said, poking him in the stomach and snatching the list. “Not all of us can just pick out whatever books we want.” She gave me a sympathetic smile. Hunter had pulled all new books off the shelves, ones that were still wrapped in plastic. There was no way I could afford those. I’d have to get used ones, and even then it was going to be tight.
Taylor started pulling books off the shelves, all with that bright yellow USED sticker on them. She flipped through to make sure they didn’t have strange stains, or missing pages.
“This one okay?” She held one up and I flipped through it. Only a few of the pages were bent, and the spine was fine. I nodded and she put it into the basket Hunter was holding. Who knew getting textbooks would turn into an exercise of humiliation?
“Why don’t you go see if you can find these?” She tore the list in half and shoved him toward the next shelf. Once he was gone she gave me a smile.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I said, staring at the books as if I was looking for one when really, I didn’t even know what the titles said.
“No, it’s fine. I know how it feels, believe me. Been there, done that. How’s this one?” She handed me another used book and I found a mysterious brown stain on one of the back pages.
“I don’t even want to speculate what that is,” she said, holding the book in the tips of her fingers and putting it back. We got the rest of my list and filled the basket.
“Now this is one of those times when it really does pay to have a strong guy around.” We’d both tried to lift the basket, but it wasn’t happening. As if she’d said his name, Hunter came around the corner with another equally full basket that he carried with no problem.
“Did my ears deceive me? Did you order a strong man?” he said with a cocky grin. Yep, Renee hadn’t been exaggerating. He was a stunner.
“Shut up and carry this for me.” She kicked the basket toward him. Hunter looked over his shoulder.
“Hey, Dusty, you wanna give me a hand, man?”
“Sure,” a guy said, coming around the corner. “Hey, Tay,” he said, smiling at Taylor. “And...Red, we meet again,” he said with an even wider smile for me. Seriously?
“You two know each other?” Taylor said, giving me a look. I knew what that look meant, and I knew what it implied, and I had to shut that down before it went any further.
“No,” I said at the same time the guy, who was apparently named Dusty, said, “yes.”
“We’re acquainted,” Dusty said with another wink. Jesus, he thought he was God’s gift, didn’t he?
“We met. Once,” I tried to clarify.
“Where?” Taylor said. Hunter hadn’t said anything, but he was looking at Dusty and then looking at me, and I could feel my ears getting hot. One of the major downsides of being a redhead is that when you get uncomfortable or embarrassed, you broadcast it to the world. Which was what I was currently doing. Dusty seemed to get a kick out of it. D-bag.
“It was at the hospital the other night. So, um, I think that’s everything. We should probably go,” I said, leaning down to pick up the basket. I was determined to get it myself. A set of arms beat me to it.
“Let me get that, little lady,” Dusty said as I looked up to find our faces only inches apart. He laughed a little under his breath and I stood up so fast the blood rushed to my head.
“I don’t need your help.”
He looked like he was going to make a snappy comeback, but he just ducked his head.
“Well, you’ve got it anyway.”
“Okay, then. Ready to go?” Taylor said, taking my arm and steering me toward the checkout counter. I heard Hunter and Dusty talking behind me and I distinctly heard Hunter tell Dusty my name. Like it was any of his business.
After I checked out and gave the UMaine bookstore a good chunk of my bank account, we carried the books back to Hunter’s car. Of course, being the always-helpful guy he was, Dusty had to come, too.
“So Hunter tells me you’re enrolling here,” he said as we put the books in the trunk. Taylor and Hunter were deep in discussion, probably about me.
I just nodded.
He leaned against the car. “Look, I appreciate you’ve got this whole ‘don’t touch me, don’t look at me, don’t even fucking think about me’ thing going on, but I’m just trying to be nice. You could, you know, thank me for it.”
“Thank you,” I said, giving him a completely fake smile. Yes, I knew I was being a complete asshole to this guy, but there was something about him that just made me grit my teeth. There was also something familiar that had gotten under my skin and was itching like crazy.
He shook his head.
“Okay, fine.” He started to walk away.
“Hey,” I said, and he stopped. “I’m sorry I’m such an asshole. It’s kind of my thing.” I laughed at the truth of it.
“No, I don’t think it is,” he said, looking at me intently with those green eyes that seemed to see everything. “See you tomorrow, Hunter?”
“Right,” Hunter said, as if he’d just remembered something. “Tomorrow.”
“’Bye, Red,” Dusty said, walking backward with his hands in his pockets.
“’Bye,” I said, closing the trunk of the car.
“What in the hell was that?” Taylor said, crossing her arms and giving me a look that was almost exactly like Renee’s. Damn, those two had rubbed off on each other.
“Nothing,” I said, trying to get into the car.
“You guys hungry?” Hunter said, in a blatantly obvious way of trying to divert attention.
“I don’t know what you’re making such a big deal of,” I said, getting into the backseat. “We met at the hospital for, like, five seconds. End of story. Am I not allowed to talk to people now? Is that part of the unwritten rules my sister didn’t tell me about?”
Hunter gave Taylor a look, and she shook her head.
“Never mind. I overreacted. I have a tendency to do that, just so you know,” she said.
“No, really?” Hunter said, and she smacked him and turned on the music, leading to another argument about song choice.
What were the chances that I’d encounter Dusty all that much, anyway? I mean, he and Hunter were friends, obviously, but UMaine was a huge campus. Besides, if he ever came to the house, I could just hide in the basement if I had to. Or escape somewhere, if Renee would let me. She had to loosen the reins at some point. And who really cared if I saw him again? It wasn’t like he affected me or anything. He was just a guy.
Just a guy.
Chapter 6
Sunday was chore day at Yellowfield House. Lovable control freak as always, Darah had added the list of chores and everyone got their fair share, including a rotational schedule so no one had to do the same thing over and over. The funny thing was that they all followed it without question. Like she was their mom and giving out gold stars and higher allowances for each one they completed.
“I figured you’d need another week to settle in, but next week you’re on the list,” Darah said, as if she was offering me a plate of those amazing snickerdoodles.
“Great,” I said with a smile that was totally forced. Not that I wanted to be a mooch, but they seemed to have everything in hand. I kept my room and bathroom clean and helped with the dishes. They kept trying to integrate me into the machine of the house, and I didn’t want to be a part of it. I wasn’t a part of it, not really.
They were all helping pay for the house. I was just an inconvenience that had been pushed on them. The annoying kid sister.
By late morning all the chores were done, and the already-spotless house was even more spotless. I did my first load of laundry, and everyone settled into their own activities. Renee was having a “Call of Duty” tournament with a few of Hunter and Mase’s friends, Dev and Sean, and Darah was catching up on homework and Taylor was reading some vampire book on her e-reader while Hunter played his guitar.
Renee had told me he was some kind of musical genius who could play practically any song. At the moment he was playing anything that Taylor yelled out, including Taylor Swift, Bruno Mars, Seal and Matchbox Twenty.
I changed my laundry over to the dryer and was about to sit back down and watch the “Call of Duty” battle when we all heard the doorbell ring.
“Got it,” Hunter said, getting up and rushing to the door as if he was trying to beat everyone else. No one else had even gotten up. Weird.
“Hey, man, you know you don’t have to ring the bell. It’s always open.” He stepped aside to let the person in, and I glanced at the doorway.
“I know, but I have this thing for doorbells,” a familiar voice said before a familiar person walked through the door. Dusty.
I was surprised to see him, but he didn’t seem surprised at all.
“Red,” he said, giving me a little bow. “Nice to see you again.” I looked at Hunter, who was trying not to look at me. Something clicked in my brain. Dusty had said he’d see Hunter tomorrow. Well, that day was today. Hmm, Hunter hadn’t said anything about Dusty coming over. Wonder why that was?
“Hey, Sharp!” Mase yelled as something exploded and Dev groaned and threw his controller.
“Hey,” Dusty said, coming in and sitting down on the couch as if he’d done it a million times before. He was also sitting in my spot. “‘Call of Duty’ again? How bad are you losing?”
Mase grumbled as I looked at Hunter. He stepped around me and went to sit back on the recliner. I had no choice but to go and lean against the arm of the couch.
“Oh, Dusty, this is my sister Jos,” Renee said, barely glancing up from the game. She had a one-track mind when she was playing.
“We’ve met,” he said, glancing over his shoulder at me and then back to the game.
“When?” Renee said, moving her whole body as she moved the controller, as if that would make some difference. I’d always threatened to video her while she was doing it for future blackmail use.
“I can’t quite recall. Where was it that we met?” I couldn’t glare at him with everyone watching, so I had to settle for clenching my teeth. He knew very well where we had met. He was totally screwing with me in front of everyone. Oh, two could play that game. I wasn’t a redhead for nothing.
“That’s right. It was at the hospital, and you needed to know the way to the pharmacy. Has the itching on your junk finally gone away?” I stage-whispered the last part and motioned in the general area.
Dusty’s eyes went wide for just a second before they narrowed and a grin spread across his face. Everyone else started laughing nervously, wondering if I was being serious or not. They didn’t know me well enough yet. Of course Renee just rolled her eyes.
“TMI, dude,” Mase said, shaking his head, and Dev tried to slide away from Dusty on the couch.
“Well played, Red. Well played.” He started a slow clap while he laughed. “Yes, my junk is now itch-free.” He shifted on the couch, adjusting his pants. Seriously, how did his pants stay up? It was one of those mysteries science had yet to solve. Like where your missing socks went when you put them in the dryer. He cleared his throat when he caught me staring at his pants. Jesus, he probably thought I was trying to check out his junk. Not that I could even see it...
“On that note,” Hunter said, clearing his throat and giving me a look before grabbing his guitar again. “Okay, requests are now open from anyone but Taylor.”
“Hey!” she protested, glancing up from her book.
“Sorry, Miss, it’s time for someone else to abuse my musical genius.”
“Fine,” she said, going back to her e-reader, but she gave him a little wink before she did it. Everyone else seemed too wrapped up in what they were doing, or was busy trying to think of a song.
“‘Sunday Morning,’” I blurted out. It was the first thing that came to mind.
Hunter looked up from the guitar. “Maroon 5?”
“Yeah.” He smiled and looked over at Dusty. “Can you give me a beat on that?” Dusty nodded and sat up. After thinking for a second, he started making sounds with his mouth. Not just sounds. Beat boxing. Hunter listened for a second and then started strumming as Dusty layered on more sounds until it was like he was creating an entire percussion section for the song with only his mouth.
I couldn’t stop my eyebrows from rising, but no one else seemed surprised. Dusty turned his head, and I made my face neutral, but he still sort of grinned at me anyway. Cocky much? Hunter started singing, and I tried to find a comfortable way to lean on the arm of the couch while also pretending to be interested in the explosions and chaos happening on the television. I would rather set my hair on fire than ask Dusty for his seat, or give him the satisfaction of going to the dining room to get a chair. Should have just stayed in my cave.
Okay, so Dusty was really good at beat boxing, not that I was an expert, by any means. He made sounds with his mouth that I didn’t know a human could make. So what? There were a million people online who could do the same thing. It wasn’t anything special. It wasn’t anything to swoon over. He wasn’t anything to swoon over.
They finished the song, and Dusty did a fancy noise that sounded like a cymbal crash and reverberation.
“Good enough for you?” Dusty said, turning to face me.
“Meh,” I said, shrugging one shoulder and turning back to the television as Renee screamed and jumped up and down and all the guys groaned and threw their controllers down.
“Take that, bitches,” Renee said, pointing at them. “In your face.” She started doing a dance that was somewhere between slutty club dancing and a weird touchdown dance hybrid. The guys all booed and threw things at her. I just shook my head. That was my sister.
“I’m hoping those moves are genetic,” said a voice so close that I slid off my perch on the arm of the couch. Luckily, I was able to catch myself before my butt hit the floor. Everyone else was too distracted by Renee’s victory dance.
“You know it’s rude to sneak up behind people,” I said, turning to face Dusty, who had somehow managed to get off the couch and creep up behind me.
“You know it’s rude to tell everyone that a fellow has a rash on his dick when he doesn’t.” He crossed his arms and leaned down, challenging me. “So what do you have to say to that, Red?”
Yeah, should have stayed in my cave.
“Nothing. I have nothing to say to you.”
Fortunately, Mase interrupted us.
“Little Ne, you want to take a turn?” The video-game-master gene seemed to have skipped me and just been concentrated in Renee. I turned away from Dusty. Hunter was watching us with fascination. Ugh, that was the last thing I needed.
“No, I’m good,” I said, stepping around Dusty and taking the seat he’d vacated on the couch and claiming it as mine. I shot him a smile, and he just pretended to clap again before going to the kitchen and dragging in one of the dining room chairs.
* * *
Renee was still kicking ass when my phone rang with a call from Mom. Just what I needed. I got up from the couch and headed for my cave. No way I was talking to her in front of everyone.
“Hey, Mom.” I heard screaming in the background, but that was par for the course. Mom always called me when she was doing a million other things.
“Hey, Jos.” Her voice was tense, but less tense than it had been earlier in the week. We’d somehow made our way onto less-shaky ground, but that didn’t mean she was any less pissed at me. “You ready to start classes tomorrow?” A shriek meant that she was probably taking something away from one of the twins.
“As I’ll ever be.” I didn’t have a choice. They wouldn’t even let me drop out when I’d suggested it as a potential solution to my academic implosion. I could get a place and a job and then they’d get off my back. I wouldn’t waste their money—or the government’s. Win-win situation. Or so I’d thought. Mom had acted like I’d just told her I’d brutally slaughtered a bunch of people, and Dad just hung up on me when I pitched it to him after striking out with her. And Renee had threatened to strangle me for even mentioning it.
“Well, I want a full report when you get back, you hear? I swear, if I get a call from your sister telling me that you’ve skipped, there will be hell to pay.”
“I know, I know.”
“Okay, then. No, you cannot have cookies for dinner. How many times do I have to tell you that?” I waited for her to be done yelling at whichever of my siblings had the audacity to want cookies for dinner.
“Listen, I’ve got a tantrum brewing here, and Chuck is working late, so I’m on my own. Can I call you later?”
“Yeah, sure.” She never would.
“’Bye, Jos. Say goodbye to Jos, everybody!” She must have held the phone up, and I heard a chorus of my siblings saying goodbye.
“’Bye, everybody,” I yelled back. Then the chaos resumed and then the call died. So much for that. I put my phone back in my pocket and went up the stairs.
Hunter and Dusty were going crazy with a rendition of “Everybody Talks” by Neon Trees. Dusty was also banging out the rhythm on his chair. The video game had been abandoned, and everyone else was humming along, including Renee. I stood back and hovered, not wanting to bust into the musical bubble. The song ended and Renee gave me a look. She probably wanted a play-by-play of the conversation with Mom. It wasn’t really anything earth-shattering, so I just sat back down on the couch as they finished the song.
“Okay, my turn. ‘Scream,’ Usher. Go,” Dusty said before starting a set of vocal gymnastics that were even more impressive than what I’d heard already. Okay, okay, you’re talented. We get the message. As soon as Hunter started singing, Mase jumped up and started dancing. Dev hopped up and they somehow managed to dance in the small space without breaking anything. I would have thought Darah would have been tweaking out about the possibility of one of the carefully arranged pictures or vases or any of the other really nice things being smashed by her boyfriend’s sick dance moves, but she just smiled and watched with her chin in her hands. Idiots. They were all idiots.
The singing went on for a while and then someone mentioned food and then that was all anyone could talk about, so the group reached a consensus that a night out was in order.
“Yeah, we never got to celebrate the new member of the Yellowfield House family,” Taylor said while everyone yelled out suggestions. That made everyone turn to me, including Dusty.
“So, you get to pick the place,” Taylor said. Even though she was not that much older than me, when she talked everyone seemed to listen. She was the shortest one, too.
“Um, I don’t even know what’s around here.” I’d wanted to go out and see what was around Bangor, but Renee had been totally down on that. I might actually have fun, and that was definitely against the rules.
And then they all started talking at once, each pitching for their favorite place, telling me which had the best steaks or pizza or bread sticks. Jesus, they were loud.
“Whoa, hold up,” I said. “I can’t think straight when you’re all yelling at me. We need to, like, do this democratically.”
Darah piped up.
“How about everyone writes their choices on pieces of paper and then Jos will pick one?”
That made everyone but Dusty burst into raucous laughter.
“Yeah, because it worked out so well before,” Taylor said, poking Hunter in the chest. He just grabbed her hand and kissed it.
“Pretty swell, I’d say.”
I gave Dusty a look, because he was the only other person who wasn’t enjoying the inside joke.
“Okay, then,” Dusty said, ripping a piece of notebook paper out of one that someone had been doing homework in earlier. “My choice is Sea Dog. Who’s next?” He wrote down everyone’s choices and then tore the slips in equal pieces, folded them up and tossed them in one of Mase’s hats.
“Do the honors, Red,” Dusty said, bowing and holding the hat out as if he was bestowing a great gift.
They all waited with anticipation like I was choosing something that would affect the rest of their lives. I grasped a piece of paper, unfolded it and read it out.
“Sea Dog it is.” Dusty winked at me. Of course I’d picked his choice. Everyone else agreed that it was a nice place and started to get their stuff together.
“Need a ride, Red?” He’d sidled up behind me again as I’d gotten my coat.
“I swear, one of these times you’re going to get a faceful of my fist if you sneak up on me, Dustin.”
“You coming, Jos?” Renee said as Paul helped her on with her coat and everyone else piled into their cars. I decided to seize my opportunity to get out from under her radar, even if I’d have to spend a few minutes with Dusty.
“I’m going to ride with Dusty.” He looked surprised for a second but then smiled. Did he just...smile all the time? Was it a reflex?
Renee looked like she was going to protest and then Paul said something in her ear. They had a quick argument and Renee threw up her hands.
“Fine. See you there.” I didn’t know what she was making such a big deal about. The restaurant was just down the road.
“Ladies first,” Dusty said, pointing toward a black VW Golf that had more than a few dings. “By the way, I wrote Sea Dog on all of them,” he whispered.
Of course he did.
“Wow, sneaky,” I said, pretending to sound impressed. He shut the door for me, and I resisted the urge to call him out on it. Matt, my ex, was big on door opening, and I’d always liked it. Yeah, I knew that it was against feminism or whatever, but it was still nice. Matt was big on things like that. Flowers on holidays and pulling chairs out and wearing ties.
His ambition was to be president, and he always said if you wanted to be president the first step was looking like one. Granted, I’d also dressed very differently then. Yes, I’d had skirts and blazers and pumps and even brooches for my neck scarves. I’d boxed all of it up and left it at Mom’s house when I’d moved into my dorm room this year. No need for any of that anymore. I’d quit all the clubs I’d been in, even Student Council, much to the dismay of nearly everyone there. Mostly because I kept the minutes and no one else wanted to do it.
“So what’s your story, Joscelyn Archer?” Dusty said as he pulled out behind Taylor’s Charger. “Have you always had that chip on your shoulder, or is it new?”
Why the hell did he care?
“What’s your story, Dustin Sharp? Renee’s never mentioned you before.” Instead of turning on the radio, he made his own music by tapping on the steering wheel and making snare drum sounds with his mouth. I was beginning to think he had ADHD. It would explain a lot.
“I bet yours is more interesting than mine,” he said, turning to look at me. I stared out the window, pretending to be fascinated with the houses that passed by.
“Okay, fine. You win,” he said when I didn’t answer. “Let’s just say I wasn’t always this good-looking and talented. I, uh, got myself into a lot of trouble when I was younger, if you can believe that.” Could I? You bet.
“And I screwed up a lot and then something happened to me to...yeah, this part sounds lame, but something happened to put things in perspective, you know? And I stopped screwing around, and I started actually giving a shit about what I wanted to do with my life.”
“And how did you become buddies with Hunter?” That was what I was most curious about.
“I met Hunter in one of my classes, and, for lack of a better, more masculine term, we formed a bromance. We see each other all the time now, since he changed his major. So, yeah. That’s my rambling and completely weird story.”
It wasn’t what I’d expected, but before I could answer he was pulling into the parking lot.
“So, on the way back it’s your turn, Red.”
This time I opened the door myself before he could get around the car.
Chapter 7
Dinner was...interesting. Everyone—except me and Dusty—greased their wheels with the wide selection of beer on tap. Even though Taylor wasn’t of age, Hunter just ordered two glasses at a time and handed her one when the waiter wasn’t looking. I didn’t even bother to try that, because Renee’s eyes were on me the entire time. She kept herself to one beer, but I knew from experience that she could pound them back when she wanted.
The more alcohol the group consumed, the dirtier the stories got. Renee kept trying to shush them, as if they were going to poison my precious ears. Like it wasn’t anything I’d heard already. I’d been in college before. I also had the sneaking suspicion they’d been on their best behavior with me in the house.
“Oh, my God, do you remember that time I walked in on you in the shower?” Mase said to Renee.
“No, I cannot recall,” she said, becoming really interested in the half-devoured onion blossom. “But even if I did, that doesn’t mean it’s the kind of story one would tell in front of one’s impressionable younger sister.” Her words were sharp as knives and I think Mase and everyone else got the message. Then there was one of those silent moments where everyone is super uncomfortable and doesn’t know what to say. It stretched out until Dusty cleared his throat loudly and then made a whistling sound like an airplane diving and then crashing in a giant explosion. It was pretty accurate-sounding and made everyone laugh nervously. Our waiter chose that moment to come over and ask if anyone wanted more drinks. I got myself another Dr Pepper and Dusty got another Mountain Dew.
“You’re going to be up all night if you keep drinking that stuff,” I said. Of course we’d been the last people to arrive at the restaurant, so we’d gotten the last two chairs at the end of the table, so of course I was next to him.
“Maybe that’s my plan. Maybe I don’t sleep.”
All I could think of were supernatural creatures. “Vampire, werewolf or zombie?”
“All of the above,” he whispered and winked at me. Why was I talking to him again?
I stole a glance down the table at Renee, but Paul was telling her something and she was laughing. Thank you, Paul. I caught his eye and gave him a thumbs-up.
“Your sister is, um, protective,” Dusty said.
“It’s a recent development.”
He waved his hand for me to elaborate. “Due to...”
I rolled my eyes.
“None of your business.” I was not going into my life story with him even though he’d shared his. I didn’t ask him to. I didn’t care.
“I think we need to have a toast,” Darah said, raising her glass. I knew she wasn’t much of a beer drinker, but she seemed to have changed her mind. “To our new resident, Jos.”
“May her life decisions be much wiser than ours,” Mase finished for her. Glasses were raised and clinked and there was some minor beer sloshing as my ears turned red and I tried not to make eye contact with anyone. Yeah, my life decisions weren’t anyone’s business but mine.
I hate it when people say “seize the day.” Seizing sounds so violent. How about “love the day” or just “live the day”?
Live the day.
A pair of fingers snapped in front of my face, making me jump.
“Come back to earth, Red. You were orbiting somewhere else. That’s dangerous, you know.” I turned toward him and a retort formed on my lips, but I let it die. He wasn’t worth it. He didn’t understand. So I just gave him a sweet smile and imagined dumping the glass of Mountain Dew on his head. It would have been so satisfying, but I would have made a scene.
“Okay, okay, it’s time for some of us to go home because some of us have class tomorrow,” Renee said.
“She means me,” I said in a stage whisper to the entire table. They laughed, some more than others, but that was probably because of the beer and not because I was that funny.
“I can drive her,” Dusty said as everyone tried to figure out the bill and how much they should tip. Most of the guys did their guy thing and refused to let the poor delicate females even consider paying. After a few lectures about feminism and the increasing popularity of going Dutch, the guys won the battle and the ladies left the tip. Paul ended up paying for me, mostly because I was broke as shit.
“But then you’d have to go to our house and drop her off and then drive back. It’s no big deal—I’m fine to drive,” Renee said.
“It’s not a big deal. I forgot my phone at your place anyway.” He was totally lying. I’d seen it in his pocket, but I kept my mouth shut.
“If you don’t mind...”
“It’s no big deal, Ne,” he said. So I guess everyone was calling her that these days. She’d always hated it when Paul called her “Nene,” but I guess she was over it. You can only fight a nickname for so long before everyone just decides to use it with or without your permission.
What if I call you...Josie? Jo? Jojo? Lyn?
He’d finally agreed to call me Jossy, which was the only suggestion I could live with.
“You went away again, Red. You have a habit of doing that?” Dusty said, bringing me back again.
“None of your business.”
He laughed as we walked, and some of us stumbled a bit, out of the restaurant.
“You sound like a robot when you say that. Means I’ve hit on something you’d like to keep hidden. You’re one of those onion girls.”
“Onion girls?” I had a brief visual of a girl wearing an onion costume. “Are you saying I smell like an onion?”
We got to the car and I let him open the door, standing back and folding my arms. Damn, it was fun screwing with him. He was about to open it but pulled his arm back at the last second and walked around to his side of the car. I wrenched it open, got in and fastened my seat belt.
“No, I mean that you’re one of those girls with layers. You know, you’re more than just a pretty face. Plus, you don’t have to scrape through a layer of makeup to get there.” While it was true that I didn’t wear a lot of makeup, I used to, back when I wore skirts more often than pants and had to look good for any photo opportunity. I used to get up early every single day and straighten my hair and line my eyes just so. I had the cat eye thing down to a science. I honestly didn’t know where my eyeliner was. I definitely hadn’t seen it in months. Renee had probably stolen it.
“Is that a nice and slightly weird way of saying I look like crap?”
“Jesus, do you take everything negatively? Man, kick a guy for trying.” He shook his head and started making drum noises. “Your turn.”
“I’m not telling you my life story, Dusty.”
“I’m not asking for your life story. Just...give me something.”
“Why? What do you want from me?”
He shook his head, a different kind of smile on his face. It was almost shy. If anything about him could ever be considered shy.
“Nothing, Red. Absolutely nothing.”
And by the time I could think of something to say, we were back.
“I know you didn’t forget your phone, you liar. Is something burning?” I pretended to sniff the air as we walked up the front steps. “I think your pants are on fire, dude.”
“Ha-ha, you’re so funny.” He reached out and rang the doorbell. I raised my eyebrow. I would have just walked in. The bell dinged and then donged and Dusty made the exact same sound with his mouth. Somehow. The door opened, and Hunter gave both of us a look before holding the door open to let me in.
“Thanks for the ride,” I said to Dusty, but it sounded like a question. He tapped two fingers to his forehead and then flicked them upward in a little salute/wave. Yeah, okay.
“’Bye.”
Hunter was still looking at Dusty. Hmm. I was distracted from watching the two of them by a retching sound coming from the upstairs bathroom and then Mase yelling that he needed a hand. There was a sound like a herd of stampeding models as Renee and Taylor clacked their way up the stairs to take care of their fallen comrade.
“Jos, can you bring me up a glass of water?” Renee said over her shoulder as the puking sounds got louder. Lovely.
“Yeah, I’ll get right on it,” I said, giving her a thumbs-up and walking toward the kitchen. I set the glass in the sink, turning the water on, and tiptoed back to where I could hear Hunter and Dusty, but they couldn’t see me.
“So, I’ll see you at Steiner’s tomorrow?” Hunter said.
“Yeah. I might be late, but I let Kent know.” Dusty walked into the living room, and I could hear him rustling about “looking for his phone.”
“Found it. See you tomorrow, man. Thanks for inviting me.”
“Thanks for coming.” I heard them slapping hands or fist bumping or performing some type of guy-bonding ritual and then the door closed and I realized the glass of water was overflowing. I went back to the sink and turned it off.
Bromance indeed.
* * *
My alarm shattered the calm of sleep the next morning so completely that I woke up cursing. Stupid fucking school. I rolled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom. I was just taking care of business when a fist slammed on the door and Renee’s voice penetrated my morning fog.
“You’d better not be late your first day.”
“Thanks, Mom, but it would be nice if I could pee without being interrupted.”
“Just get your ass upstairs in ten minutes, or I’m coming back down and dragging your ass to class, no matter what you look like.”
“Jesus H. Christ,” I muttered under my breath. I couldn’t even remember my mother being this wound up about taking me to kindergarten.
“Hurry up,” she said, rattling the doorknob for good measure. I had half a mind to walk upstairs stark naked and say I was ready, just to see the look on her face. But I didn’t fancy being naked in front of all the guys, so that plan was out.
Eight minutes later I was shoving an egg and cheese sandwich that Taylor had made in my face and shoving notebooks in my new messenger bag. Back in my “before” life, I’d carried a designer handbag just like all the other girls. Of course I also had a small clutch purse that went with it for all my makeup and tampons and such. Now I had a black messenger bag with lots of pins and buttons on it that I’d collected. I’d thrown my red hair back in a braid, put on my luckiest jeans and called it good enough.
Since everyone’s schedules were different, I was finally allowed to take my own damn car. Renee had gotten me a parking pass and handed me back the keys she’d stolen when I moved in on the condition that I didn’t get into any shenanigans. I’d been completely shenanigan-free ever since I’d gotten here, but that didn’t seem to matter to anyone. They were all still watching me, waiting for me to screw up. Maybe I should, just to put them out of their misery.
I said goodbye to everyone, promising I’d come back in one piece later.
I blasted Ingrid Michaelson on my drive to campus and sang at the top of my lungs. It took a few times of driving around the football field for me to find a free commuter parking spot. Apparently they were real asshats about parking in areas that weren’t designated for you to park in.
Finally, I found one, even though I had to squish in between a minivan and a huge truck and slide sideways to get out. I had ten minutes to get to my first class, Intro to American Law. I’d thought about changing majors, but I knew I could pretty much sleep through most of my poli-sci classes, so I stuck with what I knew.
The class was full of clones of the students I’d left behind. I even saw a few girls with the exact same bag I had shoved in a box back at my mom’s house. Since it was a sophomore-level class, most of the nonserious people had been weeded out, but there were still a few people who looked like they wouldn’t make it through four years of this. And, of course, since this was New England, there were the token Birkenstock-wearing, patchouli-smelling weirdos who were going to spend their time protesting whatever the trendy cause of the day was.
They were almost worse than the buttoned-up, straitlaced kids. They just had to be so self-righteous about every. Damn. Thing. They also loved to hear the sound of their own voices. Fortunately, I’d brought my headphones, and since they liked to talk so much, they’d take up plenty of class time, leaving that time for the rest of us to do whatever. I booted up my laptop and listened as the professor, a guy in a nice button-up and tie—big surprise—droned on about Marbury vs. Madison. Been there, done that.
I kept one ear open and the other covered as I listened to some new music I’d found the other day on low volume. I’d also bought some new albums that I needed to review, so I switched to those. The first was a ska group that was way more punk than ska and didn’t have a whole lot going for them. It wasn’t even bad in a craptastic way that made you want to listen to it anyway. They definitely weren’t Streetlight Manifesto, or Reel Big Fish.
I made a few notes about some of the songs and moved on to the second album that had more of a folky/bluegrass feel. That one was much better, and I found myself transfixed by the complex melodies and haunting lyrics. I didn’t think there was anything else like music for having the ability to transport you to another place, even when you were sitting in a class full of strangers.
Finally, the class was over and homework was assigned. I’d managed to get a seat in the back and had avoided making eye contact or speaking with anyone, so I called the first class a total win.
I wasn’t so lucky for my second, American State and Local Government. It sounded like a total yawner of a class, but when I got into the room everyone was talking and laughing like it was a social gathering instead of a class. I sat in the back, closest to the door and with at least two seats in between me and anyone else, and I thought I was set until a girl rushed in and sat with one seat between us.
“Am I late?” she said, not even looking at me and frantically searching through her bag. All I saw was a huge quantity of very blond, very curly hair that she had tried to shove into an elastic band without much success.
I looked around, but there was no one else to respond to her, so it was up to me.
“Um, there’s still a few minutes.” She was up to her elbows in her bag, and she finally emerged, holding a bag of Skittles. I opened and closed my mouth a few times as she ripped the bag open with her teeth and then held the bag in my direction.
“Want some?” I finally looked at her face and then wished I hadn’t. One half was perfect white skin, and the other was mangled with what looked like a severe burn. “Do I have something on my face?” she said, her eyes getting wide as her hand flew to her face. “Oh, yeah, I do. Duh.”
She dropped her hand and grinned at me. Somehow her eyes had remained unharmed, but the side of her mouth and the rest of her face going all the way to her ear were shiny and had a weird pattern on them. It extended down her neck, and though her arm was covered, I could see it on the back of her hand, as well.
“So I’m going to tell you my name and also tell you that you can stare if you want. I’m Hannah, and it’s okay to stare.” She flicked some of her hair back, and I tried my best to look into her eyes, which were a deep brown, in contrast with her pale hair and skin.
“Jos. I’m Jos,” I said, because what else was I going to do?
“Nice to meet you. And if you choose to sit on the other side of the room next class, I won’t, like, hate you or anything. I’m a people repeller. It’s kind of my thing. For obvious reasons.” She giggled a little, and I turned to the front of the class, where an extremely tall woman in a charcoal skirt and jacket was writing things down on the numerous whiteboards. She looked like she just stepped out of a Senate meeting. When she was done writing what looked like half of a novel, she turned around and clapped her hands. Everyone shut up.
“Okay, I see you all made it here for another week of mind-broadening. Congratulations on being sober enough to drag yourselves here.” Everyone else laughed, and I sort of joined in. She picked up a clipboard and read our names off. Of course, since my last name began with the first letter of the alphabet, I was the second person called.
“Joscelyn Archer?”
“Here,” I said, listening to my voice echo in the large room.
She looked up from the clipboard and searched me out. “You’re new to us, yes? Transfer?”
“Uh, yeah.” I could feel the blood rushing to my face and ears.
“Do you go by Joscelyn, or is there a nickname you’d prefer?”
“Um, Jos is fine.”
She smiled, showing the most perfect set of probably real teeth I’d ever seen.
“Jos. Lovely. Nice to have you with us.”
She moved on to the next name, and I slumped down in my seat.
“I hope you’re not going to do that all the time. She’ll call on you more if she knows how much you hate it,” Hannah whispered as someone else said, “here!”
“Great. Just fantastic.”
Hannah was right. Since I was new, the teacher, who went by Pam, didn’t call on me, but everyone else was fair game. She fired questions out like bullets, and if you answered too slowly, she’d move on to someone else. There was a lot of stuttering, a lot of red faces and a lot of people shooting their hands in the air to be called on so they could show everyone just how freaking smart they were.
And then there were some, including Hannah, who gave the answers when called and didn’t elaborate unless Pam asked them to. Everyone sort of turned to look at Hannah when she talked, and I could see that more than a few people’s gazes skittered away from the burned side of her face, but she didn’t seem to notice or care.
I didn’t get out my headphones the entire class. It was just too interesting. How she could make something as potentially boring as Colonial government riveting was beyond me.
When the class was over, we all sort of walked out like we were in a trance.
“Is it always like that?” I couldn’t help myself from asking Hannah as she crumpled up the empty Skittles bag.
“Pretty much. Awesome, huh?”
“It probably will be less awesome when she starts calling on me.”
“Just do the reading. You seem like the kind of person who doesn’t have her head up her ass, so you should be fine. So, where did you transfer from?”
“UNH.”
“Boo, hiss. Don’t say that too close to anyone connected with hockey, or else you might get your ass handed to you.” So I’d heard. The hockey rivalry between the University of Maine and the University of New Hampshire had been going on for as long as they’d been playing hockey. I’d never gone to a game, but campus pretty much shut down so everyone could go to the games, and I bet UMaine wasn’t any different.
I had some time before my next class, and I was already starving, so I headed toward the Union.
“Do you have another class right now?” Hannah said as we got to the doors. “Because, although that bag of Skittles was totally satisfying, I could go for something else. Why does this sound like I’m asking you out? I’m totally not.” She shook her head.
“Um, no. I’m available. For eating. Not the dating.”
Her dark eyes went wide. “Because I like boys. I swear.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
We shared one of those nervous giggles that turns into full-on laughter, and by the time we got to the Union, I was wiping tears away.
“I swear, I’m not normally this weird,” she said as we joined the lunchtime throng and descended into the food court. Only a second later she said, “Okay, that’s a complete lie. I am normally this weird.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” I whispered as we scoped out what was available. The longest lines were for pizza and burgers and the pseudo “Taco Bell,” so we headed to get wraps since those were the quickest. I happened to be on Hannah’s “good” side, but I was more than aware of the stares she got. It was one of those things. You saw her, realized there was something different about her, did a look again to check and then couldn’t look away.
She just smiled and giggled and acted like a normal girl. She got a hummus wrap and I ordered the special, known as the “Winslow,” which was basically a chicken caesar wrap with the addition of crushed croutons, which was such a brilliant idea that I couldn’t believe someone hadn’t thought of it sooner.
Finding a seat turned out to be a challenge, but we found a table for the two of us in a corner. I was about to say something, but Hannah beat me to it.
“So, in light of wanting to get things out in the open, yes, it’s a burn. It happened when I was a kid and it’s a long story and I’d rather not go into it because it’s a bit of a downer and a bit of a conversation killer and usually after I tell it I never see whoever I told it to again. Which is my weird way of saying that I don’t want to make you uncomfortable this early in our relationship. Wow, why do I keep doing that? I am so sorry.”
“No big,” I said, unable to stop laughing. “How about you tell me something else? Where are you from?”
She chewed and swallowed before she spoke. “Up north. The boondocks. The sticks. The butthole of Maine. Whatever you want to call it. I couldn’t afford to go out of state and this was the biggest school in Maine. Great place to get lost in, you know?”
I did.
“What’s your major?” she said after taking another bite of her wrap.
“Poli-sci.”
“Me, too. Although, that’s only because it sounded better than history and I’m a bit of a law junkie. I have no idea what I want to do, but I figured it was as good as anything else. Plus, in the upper level classes we get to debate and that’s kind of one of my favorite things. You?”
“I used to want to be president, or a senator or something,” I said. I hadn’t decided quite what yet. I figured I’d start out in local government and work my way up.
“Used to?”
“Another one of those long stories that’s a bit of a downer that I’d rather not tell.”
Hannah nodded. Honestly, the burn wasn’t that bad once you’d been looking at it for a while. You got used to it, and the fact that Hannah didn’t seem bothered about it helped.
“I hear you, girl.” We finished our lunch and talked more about the class, and Hannah told me that as long as I did the reading and had a reasonable grasp of the current political climate, I’d be fine. I wasn’t so sure, but I took her word for it.
“Are you on campus?” she asked as we dumped our trays and made our way upstairs to the Starbucks. Hannah said she needed her next caffeine fix.
“No. I live in a house in Bangor with my sister and a bunch of her friends.” Hannah let out a dreamy sigh.
“That sounds awesome. I’m stuck on campus. Yay, scholarship.” She sounded so enthused. “I’ve only lived with my roommate for a few weeks, and she’s already stopped talking to me. Luckily, she has a boyfriend with an apartment, so she usually stays there.”
Once again, been there, done that.
“It’s awesome if you feel like having three sets of parents always watching your every move.” I hadn’t meant to share so much about myself, but I couldn’t help it. I hadn’t talked to anyone like this in a while, and there was something about Hannah. I’d known her less than a few hours, but it was like we’d met before, even though that was impossible.
“That sucks,” she said as she got in line. I decided to get my second round of tea just for the heck of it. The line was crazy long with everyone jonesing for their next fix like a bunch of junkies standing in line for methadone. Actually, the methadone was probably cheaper.
By the time we got our drinks and found a table crushed in a corner and two seats, it was almost time for my next class. I downed my tea and told Hannah I’d see her on Wednesday. We hadn’t talked about the rest of our class schedules, but the chances of me seeing her in another of my classes were actually pretty good, and I had the feeling I would.
I was searching for Neville Hall, which housed my English class, when someone tapped me on the shoulder.
“Fancy seeing you here, Red.” I pivoted and found the ever-grinning face of Dusty Sharp. He pulled a set of headphones nearly identical to the ones I had off his ears and let them rest around his neck. His wardrobe of baggy everything hadn’t deviated, and I found myself wondering, once again, how his pants stayed up.
I wanted to say something snarky, but instead a question came out of my mouth.
“Do you know where Neville Hall is?” Someone yelled hello, and his eyes briefly left my face to wave hello and call out to someone.
“Sure. Follow me. I’m going there, as well. What class do you have?”
“English.”
“Me, too.”
Jesus, if he and I were in the same class, that would just suck beyond suckage.
He must have seen the horror on my face. I hadn’t really tried to hide it.
“Just messing with you, Red. I have calc. Would being in the same class with me be that bad?”
I didn’t answer as we crossed the road and I saw a building with the words Neville Hall on it. I could have found it if I’d looked, but then I probably would have been late.
He held the door for me and a few people coming in behind me.
“Thank you,” I said.
We paused in the lobby.
“I’m on the second floor,” he said, pointing toward the stairs.
“I’m on the third.”
We walked up two flights and he gave me that little two-fingered wave again.
“See you later, Red.”
“’Bye.”
I joined a few other people and plodded my way up to the third floor.
I hadn’t fulfilled my English requirements yet, so I was stuck taking Creative Writing. When I walked in, there were only about ten other people there. That did not bode well for being able to hide and listen to music. Great.
I found a seat in the back and close to the door and looked around. I felt pretty young; most of the people looked like they were quite a bit older than me.
I’d gotten a decent grade in my English comp class at UNH, but only because I’d been one of the few students who turned in assignments. I liked to read, but writing those insipid papers where you had to analyze what some dude who had died hundreds of years ago had meant by writing about rain or some such crap was pretty much the worst thing ever. Luckily, the more you seemed to bullshit, the better grade you got. Maybe I could do the same in this class.
A few more people trickled in until there were fifteen of us. The professor was the last one there, and he was everything a teacher of English should be. He even had a tweed jacket with those weird elbow patches and horn-rimmed glasses.
He called attendance and when he got to my name he asked me what I wanted to be called. I went with Jos again as he introduced himself as Greg and explained how the class would go. I’d skimmed the syllabus, but hadn’t really paid attention to it. As he explained what we’d be doing, my heart sank. We’d have to write something every week, and during at least one class period a week. And we had to read what we’d written. Out loud. And, if that wasn’t enough, he’d make copies of what we’d written and we’d all have a class discussion.
Welcome to your nightmare, Jos Archer.
Once again, since I was new, I didn’t have to do much, but this was going to be another class in which I was required to participate, even if I didn’t want to. At least half of the class looked like they’d rather be getting a lobotomy than be there, so at least I was in good company.
I suffered my way through and then I was finally done with classes for the day. I scurried away from Neville Hall as fast as I could before I could bump into Dusty again, and checked my phone. There were several missed texts from Renee, asking how classes were going, and one from my mother and another from Darah that was just a smiley face.
I could have gone back to the house, but I wanted to savor this time I had without anyone watching my every move. It wasn’t too cold, so I did a walk around campus, finding the rest of my classes for the next day and watching the other students go about their lives, wondering what it was like to be them.
When my legs started to get numb, despite the walking, I went back to my car. My instructions were to go right home, but I didn’t. I’d been dying to go to Bull Moose in Bangor, so I headed toward the mall. Bull Moose was pretty much the best music store in all of New England. I’d discovered them when I went to UNH and I was over the moon when I realized there was one close to UMaine.
It took some maneuvering and lane-switching to find the place, but I did.
The great thing about Bull Moose was that they had not only CDs, but records and old movies, and all the people who worked there knew what they were talking about. When I walked in, I let out a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding. Ah. I loved the comforting rows of cases, all ordered by genre and artist. Yes, most music could be purchased online, but you couldn’t duplicate the experience of going to a store and browsing yourself.
“Can I help you, little lady?” Jesus. H. Christ. I paused with my hand on a Radiohead CD that I didn’t currently own and turned to make sure he wasn’t a hallucination.
“No, thank you. I can pick out my own music.” That was a lie. I’d recently discovered The Black Keys, and I was hoping to find more bands like them, but I was never going to ask Dusty. Not in a million years. “Are you stalking me? Because, seriously, it’s getting ridiculous.”
“Maybe you’re the one who’s stalking me. I was here first. You came into my store.” I finally noticed he had a lanyard around his neck like the other guys who worked here.
“Oh, so this is your store? Do you own it?”
“Nope, but I do work here. And I’ve been going to Yellowfield House longer than you, too. So I was here first.”
“I don’t give a shit,” I said, putting the CD back. Even my music sanctuary had been invaded.
“So you’re into music,” Dusty said, straightening some of the CDs, as if he was pretending to work. “What kind?”
“Taylor Swift,” I said, just to throw him. Granted, I had listened to plenty of her stuff and some of it wasn’t so bad. But he didn’t know that.
“Well, we have a wide range of T Swift’s music for your listening pleasure.” He gestured toward the pop section. “I’m partial to her earlier work, but her newest album is getting great reviews.” I waited to see if he was being sarcastic.
“Can you just let me browse without being harassed? I get it enough at Renee’s, and I don’t need it from everyone else.” Wow, I did not mean to be that honest. What was it with me today? I seemed to be vocalizing everything I was thinking whether I meant to or not.
“Wow, easy, Red.” He put his hands up as if I’d held a gun to his head. “Just trying to be a good employee and help a customer, but if you want to be left alone, you got it.” He turned around and left before I could say anything else. I saw him talking to a few of the other guys and pointing at me. What fresh hell was this?
He came back a few minutes later as I was searching through the alt-rock section.
“Okay, so I’ve told everyone not to approach you unless you approach them first, so the store is yours, Joscelyn.” He waved his arms to indicate everything.
“Thanks.” It sounded like a question.
“Anytime.” One last grin and he was gone, off to the back of the store and through a door marked Employees Only. And I was left alone for the rest of my time in the store.
I found a couple CDs, but didn’t look as close as I wanted because I felt like all eyes were on me, even though every time I looked up, one or more of the employees were giving me looks like I was going to run over and stab them or something. God only knew what he had told them so they’d leave me alone. Then again, I probably didn’t want to know.
* * *
When I got back from my little Bull Moose trip, there were several cars parked in the driveway, so I had to settle for parking in the street.
“Hey, Miss I’m-not-going-to-text-my-sister-back.” Renee’s voice was the first thing I heard when I walked through the door and hung my coat up. Renee hopped up from the couch and came over to glare at me.
“I was busy.”
“Doing what?” She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. I pushed past her and went downstairs to put my stuff away. Of course she followed me.
“Look, Renee, I know you find this hard to believe, but I didn’t do anything bad. I went to class, I had lunch, I went to Bull Moose and I came back here. That’s all. Besides, how can I do anything with you riding my ass at every turn?”
Instead of yelling at me she just tossed her hands in the air and then banged them on her thighs.
“Why are you being like this, Jos? What happened to my little sister who never, ever swore? I don’t feel like I know you anymore.”
“Maybe you didn’t know me before. Maybe that girl was a lie.” She had been a lie. That girl had a metal rod shoved so far up her butt she was choking on it. That girl was so afraid of stepping out of line or making any waves that she never did anything. Never broke curfew. Never got drunk. Never did anything that could be construed as wild, or out of control, or free.
She was so fucking uptight that she barely ever laughed. Or smiled. Or had any fun of any kind. That girl never would have just sat in a dark room and listened to music without it having a purpose. Being that girl was exhausting, but no one knew.
“I just don’t know what to say to you anymore, Jos. You’re my sister and I feel like you’re a complete stranger. What am I supposed to do?” For the first time, I heard the hopelessness in her voice. Renee didn’t get hopeless. She didn’t get weak. She was always tough as nails; she had to be with our crazy parents.
“You don’t have to do anything. Just...give me some space. I can’t breathe.” I sat down on my bed and she came and sat next to me.
“I never thought that I would be this worried about you. You’re the good one. You made the rest of us look like losers. It was hell when our report cards would come out and you’d always have A’s and the rest of us had to compete with that. It sucked, by the way.” She bumped my shoulder with hers.
“I’m sorry?”
“No, I just wish I had been the one who could have set the good example. You know, I’m supposed to be the oldest and all that. I tried, but you were always better.”
Was. Past tense.
She touched my hair. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened last year?”
I shook my head. “I just decided that life was worth living, and I hadn’t been.”
“All of a sudden? Carpe diem?”
Sure.
“Something like that.”
Chapter 8
I ran into Hannah in my bio 202 class the next day. It was cruel, but the university required that we have at least six credits in science, and I only had three. Once again, I figured bio would be the way to go since it would be a huge class and I could probably show up or not show up and no one would know.
“Hey, stalker,” Hannah said as I sat next to her. The classroom was one of the larger on campus, with what looked like stadium seating. Too bad we’d all be falling asleep and learning about ribosomes instead of watching an awesome movie, or a rock concert.
“Maybe you’re stalking me.” There were quite a few empty seats around her, and I hoped they stayed that way.
“Told you, I’m a people repeller,” Hannah said, leaning back in her seat. “Skittles?” She had another fresh bag and held it out to me.
“No, thanks. I can’t eat Skittles without M&M’s.”
“You serious?” She tossed a handful into her mouth and a few clattered to the floor.
“Yeah. It’s not crazy, if you think about it.” I’d explained this quite a few times. “Skittles are like fruit, right? And M&M’s are chocolate. So it’s like chocolate-covered fruit. You should try it. Could change your life.”
Hannah gave me a dubious look and munched her Skittles.
“I’ll take your word for it.”
The class filled up and the seats nearest us were the last to be filled by stragglers. Hannah and I spent most of the class writing notes back and forth because, honestly, it was boring as hell. I somehow managed to stay awake, but that was mostly due to Hannah. My second class of the day, something called the Nature and Language of Math, was equally boring and sleep-inducing.
I went right back to the house after class and found it pretty quiet. Since there were so many people living in the house and everyone had something going on, Darah had made a chart on a whiteboard so everyone could write where they were when. I erased the words at class and wrote home next to my name.
Taylor and Mase were the only ones home. I heard the washing machine going and some loud music coming from the man cave downstairs. Guess I couldn’t go to my room. Instead, I threw myself on the leather sofa and sighed.
“That sounded like a heavy sigh.” Taylor’s voice pierced the quiet. I sat up to find her leaning against the stairs.
“It wasn’t, really.” She came and sat on the recliner, leaving me the entire couch.
“So what do you think of UMaine? Is it everything you expected?”
I shrugged.
“It’s college. Pretty much like any other.”
“Still. Everything going okay?”
She was fishing and not doing a very good job of it.
“Renee tell you to talk to me?” I grabbed the remote and turned on the massive television, flipping around until I found something decent. And by decent I meant a marathon of Behind the Music on VH1.
“If I say no, you’ll know that I’m lying, so yes. She’s just worried about you.”
“Well, she’s got lots of company in that department.”
“I know things are kind of crazy for you right now, but I swear, they will get better. And lashing out feels good when you do it, but living with the consequences kind of sucks. I should know. I punched Hunter when I first met him. He’s got a hell of a hard face.” Renee hadn’t told me that story.
“You did?”
She smiled as if it was a fond memory and shook her head.
“Yeah. He kind of cornered me, and I have a bit of a claustrophobia issue. To be fair, he totally deserved it.” I could imagine him provoking her. It seemed to be one of his favorite things to do.
“I bet he did. How did you go from that to...being disgustingly in love?”
She laughed.
“He’s persistent. And has a high tolerance for me being mean and shoving him away.”
“Huh.” Sounded familiar.
She kicked out the footrest on the recliner and squinted at me, as if she was deciding something.
“I was nearly raped, when I was younger. It was my sister’s older boyfriend, Travis, and he tried to rape her, too. She got over it and I never did. Hunter was the first guy that I let touch me. There was something about him that made me feel safe in a way I’d never felt safe before. I trusted him, even when I told myself not to. I let him in before I even knew that’s what I was doing. Sometimes you meet people like that. By the time you realize you’ve let them into your life, it’s too late, and usually by that point you can’t see life without them.”
I knew exactly what she was talking about, and I found myself twisting the elephant charm on my bracelet. Yeah, I knew what she was talking about. But sometimes, those people get taken from you, and there’s nothing you can do to get them back.
Even if she and Hunter broke up—which I couldn’t see happening—he was still alive. She could wake up every morning and know that, even if she didn’t see him, he existed in the world somewhere.
“So yeah, that’s my story, the abridged version, and now things are...really good.” Yeah, I could see that. She stared down at her ring and twisted it on her finger.
“Has anyone even stopped to think that I wasn’t okay before, and I am now? Just because I looked like I was keeping things together and was this perfect person doesn’t mean I was doing okay. Maybe that was my master plan, to make everyone think that.” Taylor thought about that for a second.
“Like reverse psychology? Wow, you are smart. I wish I would have thought of that instead of just being a bitch to everyone. That probably would have worked a lot better than violence.” Footsteps sounded on the stairs, and Mase emerged from the basement, his face with a sheen of sweat on it and his arms busting from the thin tank top he was wearing.
“What are you doing down there? If I didn’t know that Darah was at work, I’d swear you guys were going at it,” Taylor said.
Mase smiled and went to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.
“Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither were these arms.” He flexed and his arms bulged. They were, like, the size of my neck. “Gotta do some maintenance to keep them nice for Dare.”
“One of those crazy workout videos again?” Taylor said, pretending to punch him. He collapsed, pretending she’d wounded him.
“You’re welcome to join anytime.”
“Yeah, I’d rather not. Kickboxing all the way.” He gulped down some water and wiped his face on her sleeve.
“Ugh! You are disgusting!” She screamed and he chased her around the living room as the door opened.
“Someone want to explain?” Hunter said, setting his bag down and watching as Mase growled at Taylor and she dived behind the recliner. “Dude, you are my family, but if you’re going after my girl, I will have to pound your ass,” Hunter said, but he wasn’t serious.
“Aren’t you coming to rescue me? Isn’t that your job?” Taylor squealed as Mase dragged her out and tried to put her head under his sweaty armpit.
“Oh, no, baby, you’re on your own. It’s all you, Miss. I’m just enjoying the view.”
“Douche bag!” She managed to pinch Mase’s side and wiggle out from under his arm and rush toward Hunter.
“See if I do anything nice for you anytime soon.” It didn’t take a genius to figure out she was talking about sexual favors. Disgusting.
“How was your day, Little Ne?” Mase moved my feet and sat down next to me. I hoped he wasn’t going to wipe his sweat on me. Not that it would be any different than being at home with my siblings who often used my jeans and shirts as tissues.
“Same as yesterday. It will probably be the same tomorrow.”
“Wow, don’t sound so depressed. Most people your age would love to be living in this house. I mean, what more could you want?” He gestured to the beautifully furnished house.
Freedom to do what I wanted. Freedom from being watched and criticized. But Mase wouldn’t understand that.
“Nothing, I guess. You can ignore my bitching if you want,” I said.
“Please tell me you won’t sync your period with the rest of the ladies in the house. It’s bad enough, and now the guys are outnumbered,” Mase said.
“I’ll give it a shot, but no promises.” He held his fist out and I bumped it with mine and then we exploded at the same time and I couldn’t help but laugh. Hunter sat down on the recliner and Taylor sat in his lap.
“So, I’ve got a performance this weekend. You guys in?” he said.
Mase nodded. I was missing something.
“Performance?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m in this a cappella group, the Steiners. God, that still sounds lame when I say it out loud. I was sort of forced to join after someone saw a poster for auditions,” Hunter said, staring at Taylor.
“I’m someone,” Taylor said, raising her hand. “And you should come. It’s actually really cool. Dusty’s in it, too. He’s their beat boxer.”
I wasn’t even surprised. Dusty Sharp was destined to show up in my life. I might as well accept it.
“We might even do a certain song that I think you’d like. I can put in a request,” Hunter said.
“Sure, why not? It’s not like I have anything better to do.” I needed to get a job soon, but I hadn’t talked to Renee about it yet. The plan was to find something, get myself hired and then tell her about it later so she couldn’t say anything about it.
My first inclination, when I found out that there was a Bull Moose close to campus, was to try there, but now that I knew Dusty was there, that was out. I just wanted to do something that wouldn’t suck, but the chances of that happening were pretty slim. Still, I’d have to start looking. Maybe Hannah would have some ideas.
“Awesome. You’ll like it, I swear,” Taylor said, tracing Hunter’s number seven tattoo. Paul was the only guy in the house without any ink. I’d considered getting some myself, especially now. I wanted something on my body that reminded me of him. Something that would make me think of him and what little time he’d been in my life that would influence me. That was what I missed the most, second to him. It was his influence.
But I knew Renee would have a litter of two-headed kittens if she found out I was even considering getting inked. I’d have to wait until she’d stopped watching me like a hawk. It was something to think about. Soonish.
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Chelsea M. Cameron
The past will always find you… Jos Archer was the girl with the perfect life—until the night it all came crashing down around her. Now, nine months later, she still hasn’t begun to pick up the pieces. Even transferring to a new college and living under the watchful eye of her older sister, Renee, isn’t enough to help her feel normal again. And then she meets Dusty Sharp. For reasons Jos can’t begin to fathom, the newly reformed campus bad boy seems determined to draw her out of her shell. And if she’s not careful, his knowing green eyes and wicked smile will make her feel things she’s no longer sure she deserves. But even as Dusty coaxes Jos to open up about the past, he’s hiding secrets of his own. Secrets about the night her old life fell apart. When the truth is finally revealed, will it bring them closer together—or tear them apart for good?'A wonderful, captivating, and heartbreaking story that pulled me in from page one.' -Jessica Sorensen,
The past will always find you
Jos Archer was the girl with the perfect life—until the night it all came crashing down around her. Now, nine months later, she still hasn’t begun to pick up the pieces. Even transferring to a new college and living under the watchful eye of her older sister, Renee, isn’t enough to help her feel normal again.
And then she meets Dusty Sharp. For reasons Jos can’t begin to fathom, the newly reformed campus bad boy seems determined to draw her out of her shell. And if she’s not careful, his knowing green eyes and wicked smile will make her feel things she’s no longer sure she deserves.
But even as Dusty coaxes Jos to open up about the past, he’s hiding secrets of his own. Secrets about the night her old life fell apart. When the truth is finally revealed, will it bring them closer together—or tear them apart for good?
My Sweetest Escape
Chelsea M. Cameron
www.miraink.co.uk (http://www.miraink.co.uk)
Contents
Chapter 1 (#u31858067-3765-5100-8145-0cd6ea700e06)
Chapter 2 (#uf0db457f-74a8-595e-bd75-7d9fae69490b)
Chapter 3 (#u6a48054a-1202-5a2d-8f11-a607fec62ec5)
Chapter 4 (#uaa097fbb-6862-5d74-a07b-62758246b9d9)
Chapter 5 (#u7f698091-da3a-5456-bbed-0b28918248b5)
Chapter 6 (#u5b8e914b-ac1e-5619-98a5-295dac0639b9)
Chapter 7 (#u08eabb64-427c-5bc9-b9f6-bb0cc7862e76)
Chapter 8 (#u8c1fbb0c-fc23-569f-a91a-6f8213f37348)
Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 24 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 25 (#litres_trial_promo)
Excerpt (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 1
“I can’t believe your parents are forcing you to leave. It should be, like, illegal. You’re over eighteen. Why don’t you just bail?” Kelly sat on top of one of the boxes of my almost-packed dorm room and snapped her gum. When we’d first met, the little habit had irritated me to no end, but I’d gotten used to it.
“I wish I could, but they’re footing the bill for school, so right now I’m screwed,” I said. Not to mention the fact that no one said no to my mother. No one.
“Why don’t you drop out?” Oh, I’d considered that more than once. Actually, more than a thousand times. It was impossible to explain the complicated dynamic of my family to someone like Kelly, who had moved out of her parents’ house and gotten her own place when she was still in high school.
“I don’t know,” I said, shrugging and taping up another box. Kelly flipped her dirty blond dreadlocked ponytail and cracked her gum again. She’d asked me if I needed help packing, but so far all she’d done was bother me.
“You’ll come back and visit, right?” she asked.
“Yeah, sure,” I told her with a little smile. We both knew it was unlikely that I’d ever get back here. I folded my University of New Hampshire blanket and shoved it into another box. My mom had bought it for me two summers ago as a going-away-to-college present.
I was one of only two of my siblings or steps who’d actually managed to graduate high school, let alone get accepted somewhere. Neither Mom nor Dad nor any of my stepparents had finished high school, so it was a big deal for any of us to make it that far. The only other one who had was Renee, and that was the reason they were shipping me back to Maine to live with her after...everything.
Kelly’s phone buzzed and she typed a quick response to the text message and grinned at me.
“Mac wants to meet up for coffee.” I always wished she’d put coffee in air quotes, because we both knew that it meant getting stoned and hooking up in the backseat of his rusty Pontiac. Kelly and her boyfriend were notorious; they’d even been caught by campus security in the middle of the day. It was a miracle they were still students at all. I think they were holding on by the thinnest of academic threads.
“Have fun.” I knew she’d bail on me for Mac. She always did. Kelly wasn’t much of a friend, but she was the only one I had. The others had ditched me months ago.
“Call me before you leave. I wanna say goodbye.” She got up and gave me a loose hug. It was more of a lean involving arms that was over as quickly as it had begun.
“See you later,” she said, slamming the door. Kelly could never leave a room quietly.
I stared at my deconstructed dorm room. My roommate was avoiding me, had been avoiding me since the beginning of this year. We’d had all of two conversations—one of those happened on the day we moved in, and the other happened when she found me passed out in front of the door one night after a crazy time with Kelly and Mac and a bunch of people I hadn’t seen again. As if I’d remember them anyway.
I took Kelly’s place on one of the boxes, pulling my knees up and resting my chin on them.
The fight I’d had with my mother when she’d told me that I was being forced to move back kept running through my mind. Actually, the entire Christmas break had been one long fight that didn’t seem to end.
What is wrong with you, Joscelyn? You’d better straighten up and fly right. You are coming back to Maine, or else I am coming there and dragging your ass back, understand?
Straighten up and fly right. Yeah, I’d get right on that, Mom. She was one to talk. My parents had a half-dozen marriages between them and kids and stepkids all over the place. It was a full-time job just keeping track of them.
I’d screamed myself hoarse, but hadn’t gotten anywhere. She’d even put a moratorium on hating Dad long enough to call him, fill him in and then get him to yell at me, too.
I was powerless against the two of them.
And then there was Renee.
If Mom didn’t drag my ass back, Renee would be on that. She was worse than Mom in some ways.
Speaking of my sister...
My phone rang, and when I saw who was calling, I debated about picking it up.
“Hey,” I said, wincing in anticipation of the barrage I knew was coming.
“You better be getting your stuff together and be out the door,” she said by way of a greeting.
“Nice to talk to you, too, dear sister.”
“Don’t give me that shit, Jos. I am so done with this. You’d better get your butt on the road in the next hour or—”
“I know, I know. You’ll surgically remove my fingers and sew them to my ass. I know.” Having a sister who knew surgical procedure and who was also mad at you really sucked sometimes.
“Hey, I don’t need the attitude. You’re lucky that you’re coming to be here with me instead of Mom.” She did have a point. Back at Mom’s I’d just be drowning in a sea of my step and half siblings, among them a set of four-year-old twins who made the devil look like Mother Teresa.
“I know,” I said. That seemed to be my phrase of choice lately.
“Just know that I’m going to be on your ass like white on rice, and if I’m not around someone else will do it for me. You’re walking into a house full of people that are going to watch your every move and call you out on it. Understand?”
Jesus Christ.
“Yup.”
“Okay. I’ll be waiting for you. Call me the second you leave.”
“I will. ’Bye.”
I hung up before she could say anything else. I put my hands over my face and screamed into them. This was a nightmare I never seemed to wake up from.
Asleep or awake, it never left me.
But I was awake now, and I had to move, so I got off the box and picked it up.
Chapter 2
After nearly twelve trips and a lot of sweating and swearing, I got all my stuff into my car. Despite it being freezing outside, I peeled off my winter coat and just wore my ratty sweatshirt, my breath visible in the January air. People walked by and gave me looks, and I knew what they were thinking. Just another student who couldn’t hack it and was being forced to leave and not come back after Christmas break.
They didn’t have any idea.
I went back up to the half-bare room and looked at it one more time.
Goodbye, freedom.
I didn’t bother to leave my roommate a note and just shut the door behind me. It wasn’t like she’d care anyway.
I texted Kelly that I was leaving, but she didn’t respond. Big surprise. Other than Kelly, there wasn’t really anyone else at UNH that I had left to say goodbye to. I hadn’t heard from Matt since before the summer, when he’d broken up with me. The others, my little circle of friends, had long since lost touch with the crazy, reckless emo girl. I’d heard them talking about my transformation behind my back more than once.
Snow was just starting to float down from the sky when I got back downstairs to my car. I could barely see out the rearview mirror, but I was mostly driving on the highway anyway.
I plugged my iPod into my car speakers and hit Shuffle. It was going to be a long trip and I only had music for company. The sleeve on my sweatshirt rode up, exposing the bracelet I never took off. It was simple, just a chain with a little elephant charm on it. I kept it as a reminder. A constant reminder.
Shaking my head, I pulled away from the dorm and headed for the highway and the next chapter in my life. A fresh start was irrelevant when the dark things in your past were always following you.
* * *
It took me longer than I anticipated to get from New Hampshire to my sister’s house in Bangor, Maine. Actually, it wasn’t even her house. She’d moved in with this guy Hunter, who was buying the house because he was apparently loaded. Leave it to Renee to find a rich friend. She was also on again with her boyfriend, Paul, which was a good thing, in my opinion, because she was a pain in the ass when she wasn’t with him. Even more so than she was when she was with him.
I hadn’t seen the house before, so it was a bit of a shock when I parked in front of the house Renee had given me directions for.
“Damn,” I said. It was huge. Way huger than Renee had let on. I’d pictured something a little run-down, and small, but this was bigger than any house I’d ever lived in, with Mom or Dad.
I grabbed my backpack and headed up the porch steps, glancing at the cars in the driveway as I passed them. It was easy to spot Renee’s, so I knew I must have the right place.
There was even a freaking doorbell. My finger was an inch away from ringing it when the door flew open.
“There you are! I was worried you were lying in a ditch somewhere,” Renee said, flinging herself at me. Startled by the hug, I sort of stood there and kind of hugged her back.
“I’m here.”
Somehow, I’d gotten a recessive redhead gene in our family and ended up with carrot-red hair, freckles and green eyes. Renee had gotten the good genes, with her blue eyes and blond hair that didn’t need much highlighting. Our features were similar, but our coloring was so different that people never thought we were sisters.
She finally stopped hugging me, but kept her hand clamped on my shoulder and steered me into the house, as if I was going to make a run for it. Where, I didn’t know. Renee had mentioned something about Stephen King living down the street, but I wasn’t sure if I’d be any safer at his house anyway.
“How was the driving?” Renee closed the door behind us and it clicked shut with finality.
“Fine,” I said, glancing around the house. Damn. Again. I didn’t know who had decorated, but they’d obviously used those crazy home-improvement magazines as inspiration.
One thing was for sure—it didn’t look like a typical college crash pad. It was clean, first of all, and second, there seemed to be an actual scheme where things matched and went together. There were also a lot of peacock feathers, and similar peacock colors around. Renee had mentioned something about her roommate Taylor being obsessed with peacock stuff. I couldn’t remember why. I sort of tuned out when Renee gushed about her amazing and awesome life, while mine had gone into a downward spiral that never seemed to hit bottom.
“Hey, Jos. How are you doing?” Paul came around the corner. He was cute in one of those white-bread nerd ways. Not my type. Not that I had a type...anymore.
“Good.” It was a step up from fine. No one questioned you when you said you were good. Everyone thought there was something wrong with you if you said, “fine.”
He gave me an awkward hug. I’d seen him at Christmas when he’d kept Mom and Renee from throttling each other with varying success. I’d tried to tell him it was no use, but he’d done it anyway.
“Where’s everyone else?” I was actually looking forward to seeing Darah and meeting her new boyfriend. Darah was one of the sweetest people on the planet, and I knew if there was anyone who wouldn’t judge me, it would be her.
“They wanted to give us some space. They’ll be here later.” Something about the way she said it made me suspicious.
“They’re not going to make a big deal about it, are they?”
“No,” Renee said, not looking at me, but glancing at Paul. Something was afoot.
“So, how about we get your stuff inside, shall we? Come on, Paul.” Renee grabbed Paul’s hand and yanked him out the door.
“Uh, okay.” I was left standing in the foyer alone. I walked into the living room, which was gorgeously decorated, except for a mangy-looking recliner and the video games the guys had probably left scattered around. I saw the “Skyrim” box and smiled. Renee couldn’t get enough of that game. It had consumed quite a bit of her time over Christmas break.
I flopped down onto the couch and stared up at the ceiling. Even that was clean.
A thud sounded a second later as Renee and Paul brought in some of my stuff.
“Since we only have three bedrooms, you, my dear sister, get to stay in the newly refurbished basement. You’re lucky we decided to put in a guest room,” Renee said, panting.
“Great,” I said, although I wouldn’t have minded staying on the plush leather couch. It was the largest couch I’d ever seen and took up most of the living room.
“Why don’t you show her around and I’ll get the rest of the stuff,” Paul said. I got up from the couch and Renee led me down the stairs into the basement.
“Welcome to the man cave,” Renee said, waving her arm. A man cave indeed. A bar, a pool table, yet another gigantic couch and a television large enough for a movie theater. There were also several sports team posters, including the Red Sox, the Patriots and the Celtics. Go teams.
Renee led me toward the back of the space where there was a small guest room with a bathroom right beside it. Thank God. I wouldn’t have to share a bathroom. I’d done that in the dorms enough to last a lifetime.
“So this is it.” The room was decorated in tan and black, which was boring, but nice.
I sat down on the large bed and looked around at my new home.
“Okay, we have some ground rules,” Renee said, leaning against the dresser. Don’t even bother to beat around the bush, sis. Go ahead and get right to the point.
“Number one,” she said, holding up one finger. “You will inform me where you are and who you are with at all times. You will keep in touch via cell phone. You will also answer said phone when I call you, no matter what.”
I clamped my mouth shut. I didn’t want to provoke her in the middle of her speech that she’d clearly rehearsed, probably on Paul.
“Second—” she held up another finger “—there will be no partying. No drinking. No drugs. No substances of any kind other than aspirin. There will also be no passing out. Third, there will be a curfew which you will follow or suffer the consequences. Fourth, I may not be your mother, but you will treat me with respect, and that goes for the other people in this house. And fifth...” She didn’t seem to be able to come up with number five.
“Fifth?” I said after a few seconds of silence.
“I had a fifth one, but I can’t remember it right now,” she snapped. “But that doesn’t negate the other four. Do you agree to them?”
“Yeah,” I said. What did it matter?
“You said yes way too easily. I don’t believe you.”
Jesus. I was being criticized for being too agreeable.
“Whatever, Renee. Can I just be alone now?” I turned over on the bed, touching the sheets that were no doubt Egyptian cotton and had a crazy high thread count. Of course.
“Listen,” she said, sitting down next to me. Ugh, she always started her lectures like this. Just like Mom. Although, Renee’s lectures always had more cursing in them than Mom’s.
“You’re going through something right now. A phase, if you will. I’ve been there. Even Paul was there.” Yeah, I found that extremely hard to believe. And she had no idea what I was going through. She thought she did, but she didn’t. No one did, and I couldn’t explain it. I twisted the elephant charm on my bracelet.
And then she smacked me on the shoulder. Hard.
“But it’s time for you to get your head out of your ass and straighten up. Understand?”
“Why with the violence?” I flipped over, jumped up and shoved her back. “Look, it’s not my fault that Mom decided to dump me on you. I don’t want to be here any more than you want me to be.”
She glared at me, her face turning red.
“Look, I don’t like the fact that my once-perfect sister, the one sister I knew would never screw up, has fallen off the wagon of epic proportions. You’re the one I never worried about. You got better grades than I ever dreamed of getting. You were the good one. And then...”
She didn’t need to finish. And then everything happened, and that girl, the one who obsessed over straight A’s and wanted to be the president of every club and who had her sights set on being valedictorian and someday running a huge company or working for the government or doing something important with her life, disappeared.
Nine months ago, everything changed, and everything I thought I wanted seemed stupid and pointless. Or maybe I’d just finally realized it was stupid and pointless. That had less to do with what had happened and more to do with him. Even thinking his name was like taking a bullet in the chest.
“Yeah, then I decided to screw it all up. I know. I’ve heard the story. I was there. You don’t need to reiterate it to me.”
She shrugged. “Well, nothing else has worked, so I thought I’d give it a shot. I’ve also considered beating you senseless, but that’s usually frowned upon.”
“Go for it,” I said, sitting back down. Wasn’t going to work.
“Oh, believe me, I’d love to. But then you’d be unconscious and I wouldn’t be able to get information out of you, soooo...”
“And what information is that?”
“What the hell happened to you to make you like this?”
That was something she could try to beat out of me, but it wasn’t going to happen. I shoved her aside and went back out into the main area of the basement.
“I guess I just decided all that stuff was bullshit. Getting good grades, being the good daughter. Where did it get me? Nowhere. And I was miserable. I never got to have any fun because I was always working or trying to get those good grades or planning some sort of event for one of the million clubs I was in. I got tired of it, okay?” I understood them being upset about me partying and that sort of thing, but just because I wasn’t getting straight A’s anymore, that was a reason to have a coronary?
Renee grabbed my shoulder to stop me from running up the steps. I tried to shake her off, but she yanked me around to face her.
“No, that’s not it. You’ve spent your entire life following the rules. You don’t do that and then just flip a switch and change. People don’t change like that unless something makes them.” I’d had this conversation with her, with my parents, with my now ex-boyfriend and ex-friends. I told them all the same thing.
“Just leave me alone.” Everyone had, eventually.
Renee glared at me, her eyes turning a steely blue like they did when she was determined about something. Getting her to back off was going to be a challenge. She took stubborn to a whole new level.
“Fine. Go get the rest of your stuff.” She let go of my arm and jerked her chin up the stairs.
“Fine,” I said, stomping up the stairs.
Chapter 3
“Hey, Jos,” Darah said, coming in while I was putting my clothes away in the dresser. Her voice scared the crap out of me and I dropped the Fall Out Boy T-shirt I’d been refolding.
“Hey,” I said, picking up the shirt and turning around. I could never figure out how Darah and Renee had become friends, because they were like night and day. But out of all of Renee’s friends, I liked Darah the best. I hadn’t met Taylor yet, I supposed, so I couldn’t judge her.
“Are you settling in okay?” It was then that I noticed she had a plate of cookies. Oh, Jesus. What next? “Cookie? Taylor and I made them last night. They’re snickerdoodles. I know those are your favorite.” Yes, they were, but that wasn’t the point.
“Thanks, but I’m fine.” I refolded the T-shirt and put it in with the others. Darah sighed and sat down on my bed, setting the plate of cookies next to her.
“Look,” she started. Here we go again. “I know that everyone is going to be up in your face and scrutinizing you, but I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you. If you want to talk, if you don’t want to talk. Whatever. Even if you want to...I don’t know, eat ice cream and cry in the middle of the night. I’m here, okay?”
She got up and rubbed my shoulder. What was it with people invading my personal space? It was really starting to piss me off. If Darah hadn’t been one of the sweetest people on the planet, I would have shrugged her hand off and told her to leave me alone. But she was the sweetest person ever, and she’d brought cookies, so I let her touch me as I gritted my teeth.
“Okay, well, let us know if you need anything. Um, Hunter and Taylor are doing dinner tonight, and it’s going to be vegetarian, if you’re cool with that.” I nodded. Back in the day I’d been an on-and-off vegetarian. Back in the day when I’d been in the Climate Action Club and a card-carrying member of PETA. I might still have the thing in my wallet. God, I’d been wound so fucking tight back then. I’d also done a lot less cursing.
“Come on up when you’re ready.” She patted me once more and shut the door behind her, leaving the plate of cookies. Did they expect me to polish those off and then have dinner? I shrugged, snagging one of the cookies. She must have put them in the microwave, because they were warm and crumbly. Oh, wow. I chewed slowly, savoring the spicy sweetness of the cookie.
Footsteps and voices sounded upstairs. I heard laughter and chaos. The house above me was full of life and joy and people. And then there was me, hanging out in the basement. Lurking like a creeper. I shook my head and shoved the rest of the cookie into my mouth and went back to folding.
* * *
When the smell of whatever they were cooking upstairs became too much for me to withstand anymore, I ventured up the stairs.
“There you are,” Renee said, nearly crashing into me as I opened the door. She’d obviously been coming down to drag me upstairs from my cave.
“Here I am.” I gave her a tight smile as we walked into the kitchen/dining room. Everyone went absolutely silent as Renee and I walked in.
“Awesome. I was totally going for that reaction. Well played, everyone,” I said as they all tried to resume their normal activities. It was weird seeing some of them in person, because I’d only seen them in pictures. They really were three-dimensional.
Hunter was the first to come over and offer me his hand. I got to give him the once-over and I understood what Renee had said about not allowing him near anything flammable because he would set it on fire with his hotness. Yeah, he had the whole tatted-up, muscled thing going on. Plus his smile was genuine when he said he’d been looking forward to meeting me. Taylor was next, but she didn’t touch me. Thank God. She was also just as freaking adorable as the pictures I’d seen her in. It was easy to see why Renee and Darah had asked her to move in with them.
“I hope this is okay. I wasn’t sure what you’d like. We were planning on doing something bigger, but Renee... Never mind,” Taylor said, after getting the evil eye from Renee. I didn’t need to be able to see her giving it to know that was what she was doing. I’d been on the receiving end of that look more times than I could count. Paul stood next to Renee and gave me a comforting smile.
Last was a guy who looked like he missed his calling as a professional football player. Or wrestler. Or attractive bouncer. I guess sexy ran in the family of Hunter and Mase.
“Little Ne,” he said, giving me a handshake that nearly crushed all of my fingers. “It’s cool if we call you that, right? We’ll probably come up with a better nickname at some point. Unless you hate nicknames as much as your sister seems to.” He looked a little sheepish, which was kind of funny, given how strong he looked.
“Whatever,” I said, flexing my hand to get the feeling back into it. “I’m neutral in nicknames.” I couldn’t count how many I’d had in my life. Most of them I’d ignored, including when my sister Cari spent an entire summer calling me “Stinky Butt.” To be fair, she was three, and “Joscelyn” was a mouthful to say.
“Thanks for the cookies,” I said to Darah, who was absentmindedly stroking Mase’s arm. “They were really good.”
“Oh, good. I was hoping you’d like them,” Taylor said, stirring something in one of the steaming pots on the stove. “This is about ready, so why don’t you go sit down?”
“Is there, um, anything I can do to help?” Granted, I had been forced here, but they didn’t have to take me in. They could have said no.
“Don’t worry, sis. You’ll be on the chore chart soon enough,” Renee said, steering me toward the dining room table. Someone had already set out the plates, and there was a place set for me, with a card sitting on the plate, and yes, it was handmade.
“Taylor and Darah made that, so you have to gush about it even if you hate it,” Renee hissed as I opened it. How could I hate it? Someone had made some really cool designs with paint on the front that looked like fireworks, and there were letters cut from magazines spelling out the words WELCOME TO YELLOWFIELD HOUSE.
“Yellowfield House?” I said.
Renee rolled her eyes and sat down next to me, Paul on her other side. I caught him taking her hand under the table and giving it a squeeze.
“It was Taylor’s idea. She wanted it to be like in one of those British novels, where the house has a name. It was, like, the only way she’d agree to let us all live here. It was her one stipulation,” Renee said with a shrug.
“She wanted to make a sign and everything, but the rest of us vetoed it,” Paul said. “It was really cute, actually. She was so excited. And then we shot her down.”
“Um, weird,” I said.
“Shh,” Renee said as everyone else carried dishes and pans and other dinner paraphernalia. The second everyone sat down it was a chaos of passing plates and bumping elbows and trying to get everyone what they needed. Taylor had made spaghetti with an olive oil sauce with tons of vegetables and garlic bread and a salad. It was crazy delicious, and even though I’d consumed several of the cookies, I put away more than my share of dinner. It beat the hell out of the cafeteria food, or eating ramen for the millionth time.
Everyone laughed and talked about their day, and for the first time, I wasn’t the center of attention. It was really...nice. They were all just so damn happy and smiley and in love. It was enough to make me sick, but instead it somehow had the opposite effect. I’d really wanted to hate it here. It would have been more appropriate for me to hate it.
“Um, I still have some...stuff to unpack,” I said, getting up as soon as I could. I needed to get back to the loneliness of the basement. All the happy was screwing with my head. Renee shot me a look, but nodded.
“Are you sure you don’t want to hang out up here? You haven’t even seen the rest of the house yet,” Darah said, giving me a hopeful smile. I couldn’t really get out of that.
“Yeah, sure.” She led me upstairs, showing me her room, which was immaculate, as if they were selling the house and had a decorator come in to make it look good for prospective buyers. Renee refused to let us see her room, and Taylor only gave me a quick glance at her and Hunter’s suite on the top floor.
“Just ignore the clothes on the floor. I know I do.” Hunter and Taylor had tagged along for our little tour. It was technically his house, after all.
“Thanks. For...for letting me come here.” For letting my parents force me on you. I’m sure you had lots of choice in the matter.
“You’re welcome. Any member of Renee’s family is part of ours,” he said, putting an arm around Taylor. Did they have to do that all the time? “I hope everything...works out. I know what it’s like to go through a rough time.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’d heard all about Hunter’s and Taylor’s tragic pasts and subsequent “getting their shit together” moments. They were probably planning my intervention right now. Luring me into a false sense of security before springing it on me.
“Yeah, thanks,” I said as he closed their door and we went back downstairs.
“Are you sure you don’t want to join us for some music?” Darah said as she and Mase canoodled on the couch. What was this, the Partridge family? Seriously, these people were a Cleaver short of a heartwarming fifties family show. “Hunter’s a really good guitar player.”
“I’m good. I still have...stuff to do.”
“And things?” Renee said, giving me a look. Yeah, stuff and things, Renee.
“Am I not allowed to do stuff and things now? Was that the fifth rule on your list?” I snapped, realizing only after I’d said it that everyone could hear me.
“Whatever,” I said, heading for the basement. “I’m going to bed.” It was only eight, but I couldn’t take being around them anymore. They were just so damn happy. It was killing me. I needed to go back to the basement of doom and comfort myself with more cookies and heart-wrenching music.
“Good night,” they all chimed almost in unison. Sick, this was sick. Maybe there was something in the walls that seeped into their pores when they were sleeping. Or maybe it was the water?
I shook my head and walked back down to what I was quickly deciding was my cave. My basement of solitude.
My room reeked of the delicious cookies, and even though I was stuffed from dinner, I ate two more before heading to the shower. The water pressure was significantly better than the dorm, and I took my time, savoring the sensation on the back of my neck. All the showers in the world couldn’t wash away the darkness in my life, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying it.
The charm bracelet caught in my hair as I was brushing it and I spent a good five minutes and several curse words getting it undone.
We’re friends, right? And friends give each other gifts. I know how much you love elephants, so...here, he’d said when he’d presented me with the box. I remembered opening it and falling in love with it. Such a simple, sweet gesture. He’d helped me put it on, and I’d worn it every day since. Especially after...
I shook my head and turned on some music. Something nice and harsh and loud to drown out the Sing-Along hour going on upstairs. After scrolling through my recent purchases, I found the newest Skillet album. Perfect.
I could feel the joy seeping through the floor and invading my cave, so I turned the music up so loud that it was hurting my eardrums. I should have just put on my cost-an-arm-and-a-leg-and-a-kidney headphones, but I didn’t. I unpacked the rest of my stuff and deleted the voice mails from my mother and father, demanding that I call them when I’d gotten to Renee’s. I was sure she’d already called them and shared the news of my safe arrival.
My room was outfitted with a small television and DVD player, but I didn’t turn it on. Instead I got out my laptop and scrolled through my pictures from a year ago. I was torturing myself, I knew.
I remembered that girl. The one who always had her hair perfect with cute clips and had lots of cardigans and pumps. The girl who had a boyfriend who was headed for the White House, and had friends who never let her down. It wasn’t picture-perfect, but it had been as close as it could get. And it had been a complete and utter waste of time and energy.
I slammed my laptop shut and yanked the covers back on the bed and got in. My music was still blaring, but it seemed to be quiet upstairs. Finally. They all probably had class or whatever tomorrow. I was surprised Renee hadn’t been up my butt about registering for classes yet. I had all my paperwork to become a UMaine Black Bear, just like her.
I turned over on my side and closed my eyes. Sleep was far away, and elusive, but that’s how it always was now. I’d gotten used to passing hours by staring at the insides of my eyelids.
* * *
Several hours later, I decided I’d had enough. I needed to go somewhere else. Anywhere else, even if it was just to see the stars. I pulled some sweatpants on over my shorts and grabbed my winter coat and tiptoed up the stairs. I listened for a second to the almost-silent house before I pushed the door to the basement open and started creeping toward the front door. The floors were all hardwood, so creaking was going to be an issue.
And then a voice made me nearly jump out of my skin.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Mase’s head popped up from where he’d been lying on the couch in the living room. Holy...shit.
“Out for a walk,” I said, somehow finding something to say.
“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”
“What?” He got up from the couch and came to stand in front of me, blocking access to the front door. Yeah, there was NO WAY I was getting past him. Not even if I had a weapon.
“Have a seat.” He clamped his hand on my shoulder and steered me toward the couch. I tried to fight him, but he was even stronger than he looked.
“Who are you? My dad?” Actually, my dad never really cared this much what I did. He was always too busy with his current wife and one of my numerous siblings to notice if I skipped out.
He sighed and sat down next to me. “Look, I know you’re going through a tough time. I’m familiar with those. Hunter was in really bad shape for a long time, so while I can’t say I know what you’re going through, I know that whatever you were going to do by leaving this house in the middle of the night isn’t going to help.”
“But—” I tried to get up, and he stopped me again. “I wasn’t going to do anything. I just...needed some space.”
He smiled and shook his head. “You’re not leaving this house right now, capiche?” He pulled me up from the couch and shoved me toward the basement. “Even if I have to sit outside your bedroom door.”
“Why do you care?” I said as I stumbled down the stairs back to my room.
He laughed. “Because Renee said she would drug me, remove my dick and sew it to my face if I let anything happen to you, and I kind of like where my dick is in its present location.”
I almost laughed, too.
“Sounds like Renee.” I paused outside the bedroom door, and he sat down on the stairs.
“I’m also betting that her stubbornness is genetic, so please don’t make me come down here again. I have class in—” he glanced at the clock on the DVD player “—a few hours, so I’d like to get some sleep.” He yawned and started to go back up the stairs.
“Good night, Little Ne.”
“Night,” I said, watching him walk back up the stairs. I waited until I heard a door close before I let out a frustrated sigh. Seriously, Renee? SERIOUSLY?
Chapter 4
Despite my late bedtime, I woke up at seven the next morning, probably because the smell of bacon had penetrated the cracks under the door and seeped into my room.
I got dressed and threw on a ratty thermal shirt with thumbholes I’d made myself, a pair of holey jeans and decided to venture upstairs. I half expected to see Mase sitting next to the door to the basement.
“You’re up,” Renee said, yawning and coming down from upstairs. “I didn’t expect you to be awake this early.” Her hair was all over the place. Either she’d been having some sweet sex with Paul, or she’d been tossing and turning.
“Especially after I tried to sneak out last night, right?” I said, saying the thing I knew she was thinking. She crossed her arms and her eyes narrowed.
“We will discuss that later. Right now you’re going to have breakfast because it’s the most important meal of the day.”
Where was she getting this stuff?
“You’re not my mother,” I said, walking away from her and heading for the kitchen. She wouldn’t make a scene in front of everyone. At least, I hoped not.
“Hey, Little Ne,” Mase said brightly, looking up from a giant mug of what I assumed was coffee. Darah was manning several frying pans and Taylor was slumped over at the dining room table.
“Why did I sign up for an eight-thirty class again?” she moaned as Renee went to the coffeepot and poured herself a cup before going back upstairs.
“Because it was the only time offered and you need the class to graduate?” Darah said, dumping a huge mess of bacon onto a plate covered in paper towels.
“You want some?” Darah said. I shook my head. As nice as the bacon smelled, I didn’t think I could stomach it. “We have some toast and eggs, if you want. And there’s always cereal, and I think we still have some pumpkin doughnuts somewhere.” God, it was like living in a bed-and-breakfast.
“Um, do you have any tea?” I sat down at the table near Taylor, who was trying to pull herself upright so she could drink her coffee.
“Yeah, sure.” Darah opened a bunch of cabinets before unearthing a dusty box of Lemon Zinger tea. It was going to take a little more than zing to fix my problems, but it was a start.
Hunter came down a few minutes later, freshly showered and with a grin on his face.
“Morning, Missy girl,” he said, giving Taylor a kiss. “You awake yet?”
“No,” she moaned, putting her head against his chest. He laughed and pulled her onto his lap, and I remembered my reasons for wanting to get out of the house last night.
“Make it go away,” she said.
“I would if I could, baby.”
Renee and Paul came in a few minutes later. Her hair was fixed and they were both dressed for the day.
“Okay, here’s the deal. Since I don’t trust you on your own, you get to come with me today,” Renee said, with a sweet smile that I could tell was hurting her teeth. Everyone looked at me.
“And since I have class in less than an hour, you’d better get your ass dressed and ready to go.”
“What am I supposed to do all day?” I sipped my tea and stared into the cup so I wouldn’t have to see everyone staring.
“I don’t know. You’ll think of something. As long as it doesn’t involve you getting into trouble, or getting me into trouble, we’ll be good. So, that’s how it’s going to go.” It was another well-rehearsed speech.
“Whatever,” I said, shrugging.
“I said she could come with me,” Darah said, finally breaking the enormous silence that had suffocated the room.
“No, it’s fine. She’s my responsibility,” Renee said, going for the coffee.
“Um, sitting right here,” I said. “And I don’t need a babysitter.”
“That’s not what I hear,” Renee snapped at me. Mase coughed and shoved a piece of bacon into his mouth. He chewed and mouthed “sorry” at me. Of course he’d told her. I would have been shocked if he hadn’t.
I sipped my tea and bit back a snarky response.
* * *
Two hours later I was yawning, sitting outside one of Renee’s labs. I couldn’t remember which one. It sounded complicated and disgusting at the same time. I’d been smart enough to bring my computer, so I’d been catching up on some of my favorite vlogs and music blogs.
Then I played my favorite game of trying to find new music by clicking on random videos online. This summer I’d started a music blog, but I’d been slacking on posting this week. Since I was so new at it, I was still trying to find my niche when it came to what the blog was about. I barely got any views, but I discovered that the only thing I loved more than music was writing about it. Before...everything, I never would have considered music blogging. I still hadn’t told anyone I was doing it. They wouldn’t understand—that was for sure.
Renee had promised me a tour of the campus after we had lunch. From what I’d seen so far, it was a lot like UNH. College campuses were pretty similar, especially if they were state schools. I’d considered coming here, but the idea of being away from my crazy family was more enticing than saving a few bucks by going to an in-state school. I’d gotten into Bowdoin and Bates, two prestigious Maine schools, but they had been far too expensive and my financial aid hadn’t been enough to cover it. Too bad, so sad.
When she finally emerged from her lab, Renee reeked of formaldehyde, but she had a crazy gleam in her eye. She must have gotten to dissect something.
“Have fun?” I said, as I got to my feet. My back was crazy stiff from all the sitting I’d done.
“We got to cut into a fetal pig. It was awesome,” she said, as if she was talking about seeing the latest girlie movie to hit theaters with a hunky vampire in it.
“Sometimes I wonder if we’re related,” I said as the rest of her class poured out. They didn’t seem nearly as enthusiastic as Renee was.
“I’ve been asking myself that very question for years,” she said as we headed toward the Student Union for lunch. Unlike some people who wouldn’t be able to eat after a fetal pig dissection, Renee got herself a bacon cheeseburger and inhaled it like she hadn’t seen food for weeks. I went with a strawberry walnut salad and picked at it.
“So I have to do a three-hour shift at the hospital tonight,” she said after she disposed of the burger and was attacking the fries. How she stayed so thin was beyond me. I usually had to watch what I ate to keep myself thin, or at least thin-ish.
“And?”
“And you’re coming with me, so I hope you have something to do with yourself. Like maybe getting that transfer paperwork together.”
I’d rather have my teeth drilled, but the look on Renee’s face told me I didn’t have a choice.
“So you’re my jailer now, is that it?”
“Well, I wouldn’t have to be if you’d just follow the damn rules, Joscelyn.” God, she sounded like Mom. Way too much like mom. She even had the same “I’m disappointed in you” face.
“Fine. Am I allowed to go to the bathroom, or do you need to come with me to hold the cup while I pee?”
“Cute,” she said as I got up and headed for the bathroom.
* * *
I spent the rest of the day watching movies on my computer. I threw in movie reviews every now and then on my blog just to spice things up. They usually got quite a few hits, especially if they were classics from the eighties. There’s something so comforting about watching a movie you’ve seen a ton of times. I started out with Sixteen Candles, and then because I was in a John Hughes kind of mood, I moved on to Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and then Pretty in Pink, which took me almost to the end of Renee’s shift at the hospital.
I was camped out in one of the lounges, and for a hospital it was pretty quiet except for the occasional squeak of a nurse’s shoes on the linoleum, or a restless kid fussing, or a monitor going off. I’d had dinner at the cafeteria, but that had been a few hours ago, and I was in need of munchies. Renee had showed me a vending machine down the hall, so I fished in my bag for some quarters and paused the movie.
“Yes,” I said as I saw that they had both M&M’s and Skittles. I couldn’t eat one without the other. It was something I’d started doing as a kid, and it was one of those things I’d always done that had never changed.
My M&M’s came out fine, but the stupid Skittles bag got stuck. Great. The universe was out to screw me. I banged on the machine, trying to shake the candy loose. Luckily, there was no one around. I didn’t want to get busted for destruction of hospital property. That would most definitely be against Renee’s rules.
I turned my shoulder and shoved the side of the machine, trying desperately to get the bag of candy to fall from the clutches of the machine.
“Come on, you son of a bitch,” I said, ramming my shoulder into the machine.
“You have to put your hips into it,” a voice said, making me look up from my assault of the vending machine.
“What?” A guy wearing a baggy hoodie and equally baggy jeans over torn-up high-tops was looking at me like I was something he’d never seen before. He had darkish skin, cropped black hair, but the most astonishing green eyes. Unlike mine, which shaded toward blue, they were almost goldish. They popped in his face, especially since they were fixed on me. He jerked his chin at the machine.
“You have to put your hips into it. Here,” he said, glancing over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching before motioning to me to move aside. “The key is to thrust your whole body into it. Not just your shoulders.”
Was it just me, or did he make that sound sexual on purpose? I gaped at him and he laughed. Nope, wasn’t just me. It was one of those laughs that made you want to laugh, too, like a reflex. I was barely able to hide the smile that threatened to spread on my face.
“On three,” he said, putting his hands on the machine next to mine. Up close, his eyes were even brighter. They almost glowed.
“One. Two. Three,” he said, and we both shoved at the machine, which moved a hell of a lot more than when I’d been the only one pushing it. I heard a satisfying clunk of the Skittles falling. The guy went around the front of the machine and pulled the bag out.
“Mission accomplished.” He winked as he held it out to me.
“Thanks,” I said, taking the bag and making sure to avoid touching his hand. I was about to turn around and leave when he made a sound, like he was going to say something. I stood there, waiting.
“I should get back,” I finally blurted out to break the uncomfortable silence that stood between us.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Of course, of course,” he said, shaking his head as if he’d forgotten something and just remembered it. He smiled and stuck his hands into his pockets.
“Okay. Well, ’bye.” I gave him a little wave and turned around. What a weirdo.
“Don’t forget. Put your whole body into it next time, Red,” he said, making me turn back around. He was grinning again. Red? Like I hadn’t heard that one before. At least he hadn’t called me Carrots.
“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks.”
For the last time, I spun around and walked back to the lounge, his laughter echoing behind me.
The lounge was still empty when I got back, and all my stuff was still there, so I settled back in to finish another movie.
Next thing I knew, someone was shaking my shoulder.
“Hey, Jos. Time to go,” Renee said, her voice softer than I’d heard it in a long time. It was the voice she probably used with patients. I’d fallen asleep on the couch. I couldn’t even remember it. My computer was dark; it, too, had gone to sleep.
Renee sat down next to me, pulling my feet into her lap and letting out a heavy sigh.
“So what did you do?”
“Nothing,” I said, tilting my neck back and forth to work out some kinks. “What time is it?”
“Ten. You ready to go home?” Home. Was that what her place was now?
“Yeah.” I swung my feet over and sat up.
“I see you raided the vending machine,” she said, picking up the empty candy bags. “You freak and your candy combinations.” She crumpled them up and found a trash can as I packed up all my stuff.
“Did you get to do anything interesting?” she said as we walked back down to her car.
Other than the interaction with the Vending Machine Hero? I was about to tell her about that and changed my mind.
“Nope,” I said around a yawn. Maybe I’d sleep tonight. Usually I got to a point where I was so exhausted that my body just shut itself down. This felt like one of those times.
“You know, you should call Mom.” I didn’t want to. I knew it would just end up in another yelling match, and I was too tired to deal with that right now.
“I will.” Renee was about to say something, but changed her mind.
“Okay.”
Chapter 5
Everyone was deep in study mode when we got back to the house. Paul had taken up almost the entire dining room table with something that, at a glance, looked far too complicated to even begin to understand.
Taylor and Hunter had the living room, and both had their heads buried deep in textbooks. Darah was at a little desk that was tucked next to the stairs, and I suspected Mase was also around somewhere. Nine months ago, I would have been right there with them. Now I thought they just looked like a bunch of people wasting their time.
“Little Ne,” Mase said, coming down the stairs, a textbook in hand, big surprise. “How’s life?”
“Peachy,” I said, putting my bag down on the bench by the front door. The sound of the door closing seemed to rouse everyone else, and they descended on us. There were just so many of them. It was overwhelming. Plus the happy. That was equally overwhelming. Paul came over and gave Renee a kiss, and she went to sit with him at the dining table to catch up.
“I’m going down to my...room,” I said, catching myself before I could say cave. It wasn’t really a cave. Or, if it was, it was the nicest cave ever. With Wi-Fi and everything.
“Are you sure? This house is yours now. You don’t have to stay down there,” Hunter said. “We’re not that scary, are we?” He turned to Taylor, whose eyes were pretty glazed over.
“What? I’m still thinking about suffragettes.” He gave her a look and shook his head.
“Seriously, Jos, this is your home.” It wasn’t really, but it was nice of him to say that.
“I’m just really tired. I’m going to bed.” I said good-night to everyone, including Renee.
“Not planning any nocturnal activities?” she said.
“Nope,” I said, popping my lips on the p.
“Well, just in case, I’m watching you,” she said, making a gesture with two fingers to her eyes and then pointing them at me. “Whenever you think I’m not there, that’ll be when I show up.”
“Jesus, enough with the third degree. I got it. Message received. Mission accomplished.” I stomped down the stairs and banged the door shut.
Ahh, peace and quiet.
* * *
The rest of the week went pretty much like that first full day, with the exception of Renee letting me go to the admissions office by myself to sign up for all my classes and get everything transferred over from UNH. Since my first year grades were so high, even with the shitty grades I’d gotten last semester, they were still willing to let me in.
When it came to classes, I just picked whatever. I’d decided to stick with my major, political science with a prelaw minor, since it seemed easier than picking a new one. I’d thought transferring would be a pain in the ass, but it was relatively easy, and before the end of the week I was officially a UMaine Black Bear, with an official decal for my car and a copy of the school song, the “Stein Song.” I was sure I wasn’t the first person who found it ironic that a college had a drinking song as their official school song. What kind of message did that send?
I’d only really missed the first week of classes, so I was going to be able to catch up no problem, according to all the professors who had emailed me on my new UMaine account to send me the syllabi from their classes.
Renee wasn’t around to take me to get my textbooks, because of a meeting of her nursing club, so the task fell to Hunter and Taylor, who drove me to campus on Saturday.
They fought about what music to play the whole way there.
“I think that Jos should pick,” Taylor finally said when we were practically driving onto campus.
“I don’t care.”
“The rule is that the driver gets to pick,” Hunter said, skipping a song that Taylor had picked out.
“Uh, no, the rule is that I get to pick.”
“Since when?”
“Since you put this swell ring on my finger,” she said, holding up the amazing ring that Hunter had gotten her when they’d first started dating. It was fucking huge, and nearly blinding when you looked at it. Yet another show of his wealth. It was just wrong that some people had so much money and others had less than nothing. Not that Renee and I were poor, but we definitely got our fair share of financial aid, what with our parents having so many kids between them.
“That ring does not give you totalitarian radio powers,” Hunter said, taking her hand and kissing it.
“Thank God,” I said under my breath as he found a parking spot by the performing arts center, which wasn’t too far from the bookstore. They continued to argue as we walked into the Union and then went downstairs to the bookstore. I was about to tell them that I could just find my books myself when Hunter grabbed my list from my hand and started grabbing books.
“Hold up, dude,” Taylor said, poking him in the stomach and snatching the list. “Not all of us can just pick out whatever books we want.” She gave me a sympathetic smile. Hunter had pulled all new books off the shelves, ones that were still wrapped in plastic. There was no way I could afford those. I’d have to get used ones, and even then it was going to be tight.
Taylor started pulling books off the shelves, all with that bright yellow USED sticker on them. She flipped through to make sure they didn’t have strange stains, or missing pages.
“This one okay?” She held one up and I flipped through it. Only a few of the pages were bent, and the spine was fine. I nodded and she put it into the basket Hunter was holding. Who knew getting textbooks would turn into an exercise of humiliation?
“Why don’t you go see if you can find these?” She tore the list in half and shoved him toward the next shelf. Once he was gone she gave me a smile.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I said, staring at the books as if I was looking for one when really, I didn’t even know what the titles said.
“No, it’s fine. I know how it feels, believe me. Been there, done that. How’s this one?” She handed me another used book and I found a mysterious brown stain on one of the back pages.
“I don’t even want to speculate what that is,” she said, holding the book in the tips of her fingers and putting it back. We got the rest of my list and filled the basket.
“Now this is one of those times when it really does pay to have a strong guy around.” We’d both tried to lift the basket, but it wasn’t happening. As if she’d said his name, Hunter came around the corner with another equally full basket that he carried with no problem.
“Did my ears deceive me? Did you order a strong man?” he said with a cocky grin. Yep, Renee hadn’t been exaggerating. He was a stunner.
“Shut up and carry this for me.” She kicked the basket toward him. Hunter looked over his shoulder.
“Hey, Dusty, you wanna give me a hand, man?”
“Sure,” a guy said, coming around the corner. “Hey, Tay,” he said, smiling at Taylor. “And...Red, we meet again,” he said with an even wider smile for me. Seriously?
“You two know each other?” Taylor said, giving me a look. I knew what that look meant, and I knew what it implied, and I had to shut that down before it went any further.
“No,” I said at the same time the guy, who was apparently named Dusty, said, “yes.”
“We’re acquainted,” Dusty said with another wink. Jesus, he thought he was God’s gift, didn’t he?
“We met. Once,” I tried to clarify.
“Where?” Taylor said. Hunter hadn’t said anything, but he was looking at Dusty and then looking at me, and I could feel my ears getting hot. One of the major downsides of being a redhead is that when you get uncomfortable or embarrassed, you broadcast it to the world. Which was what I was currently doing. Dusty seemed to get a kick out of it. D-bag.
“It was at the hospital the other night. So, um, I think that’s everything. We should probably go,” I said, leaning down to pick up the basket. I was determined to get it myself. A set of arms beat me to it.
“Let me get that, little lady,” Dusty said as I looked up to find our faces only inches apart. He laughed a little under his breath and I stood up so fast the blood rushed to my head.
“I don’t need your help.”
He looked like he was going to make a snappy comeback, but he just ducked his head.
“Well, you’ve got it anyway.”
“Okay, then. Ready to go?” Taylor said, taking my arm and steering me toward the checkout counter. I heard Hunter and Dusty talking behind me and I distinctly heard Hunter tell Dusty my name. Like it was any of his business.
After I checked out and gave the UMaine bookstore a good chunk of my bank account, we carried the books back to Hunter’s car. Of course, being the always-helpful guy he was, Dusty had to come, too.
“So Hunter tells me you’re enrolling here,” he said as we put the books in the trunk. Taylor and Hunter were deep in discussion, probably about me.
I just nodded.
He leaned against the car. “Look, I appreciate you’ve got this whole ‘don’t touch me, don’t look at me, don’t even fucking think about me’ thing going on, but I’m just trying to be nice. You could, you know, thank me for it.”
“Thank you,” I said, giving him a completely fake smile. Yes, I knew I was being a complete asshole to this guy, but there was something about him that just made me grit my teeth. There was also something familiar that had gotten under my skin and was itching like crazy.
He shook his head.
“Okay, fine.” He started to walk away.
“Hey,” I said, and he stopped. “I’m sorry I’m such an asshole. It’s kind of my thing.” I laughed at the truth of it.
“No, I don’t think it is,” he said, looking at me intently with those green eyes that seemed to see everything. “See you tomorrow, Hunter?”
“Right,” Hunter said, as if he’d just remembered something. “Tomorrow.”
“’Bye, Red,” Dusty said, walking backward with his hands in his pockets.
“’Bye,” I said, closing the trunk of the car.
“What in the hell was that?” Taylor said, crossing her arms and giving me a look that was almost exactly like Renee’s. Damn, those two had rubbed off on each other.
“Nothing,” I said, trying to get into the car.
“You guys hungry?” Hunter said, in a blatantly obvious way of trying to divert attention.
“I don’t know what you’re making such a big deal of,” I said, getting into the backseat. “We met at the hospital for, like, five seconds. End of story. Am I not allowed to talk to people now? Is that part of the unwritten rules my sister didn’t tell me about?”
Hunter gave Taylor a look, and she shook her head.
“Never mind. I overreacted. I have a tendency to do that, just so you know,” she said.
“No, really?” Hunter said, and she smacked him and turned on the music, leading to another argument about song choice.
What were the chances that I’d encounter Dusty all that much, anyway? I mean, he and Hunter were friends, obviously, but UMaine was a huge campus. Besides, if he ever came to the house, I could just hide in the basement if I had to. Or escape somewhere, if Renee would let me. She had to loosen the reins at some point. And who really cared if I saw him again? It wasn’t like he affected me or anything. He was just a guy.
Just a guy.
Chapter 6
Sunday was chore day at Yellowfield House. Lovable control freak as always, Darah had added the list of chores and everyone got their fair share, including a rotational schedule so no one had to do the same thing over and over. The funny thing was that they all followed it without question. Like she was their mom and giving out gold stars and higher allowances for each one they completed.
“I figured you’d need another week to settle in, but next week you’re on the list,” Darah said, as if she was offering me a plate of those amazing snickerdoodles.
“Great,” I said with a smile that was totally forced. Not that I wanted to be a mooch, but they seemed to have everything in hand. I kept my room and bathroom clean and helped with the dishes. They kept trying to integrate me into the machine of the house, and I didn’t want to be a part of it. I wasn’t a part of it, not really.
They were all helping pay for the house. I was just an inconvenience that had been pushed on them. The annoying kid sister.
By late morning all the chores were done, and the already-spotless house was even more spotless. I did my first load of laundry, and everyone settled into their own activities. Renee was having a “Call of Duty” tournament with a few of Hunter and Mase’s friends, Dev and Sean, and Darah was catching up on homework and Taylor was reading some vampire book on her e-reader while Hunter played his guitar.
Renee had told me he was some kind of musical genius who could play practically any song. At the moment he was playing anything that Taylor yelled out, including Taylor Swift, Bruno Mars, Seal and Matchbox Twenty.
I changed my laundry over to the dryer and was about to sit back down and watch the “Call of Duty” battle when we all heard the doorbell ring.
“Got it,” Hunter said, getting up and rushing to the door as if he was trying to beat everyone else. No one else had even gotten up. Weird.
“Hey, man, you know you don’t have to ring the bell. It’s always open.” He stepped aside to let the person in, and I glanced at the doorway.
“I know, but I have this thing for doorbells,” a familiar voice said before a familiar person walked through the door. Dusty.
I was surprised to see him, but he didn’t seem surprised at all.
“Red,” he said, giving me a little bow. “Nice to see you again.” I looked at Hunter, who was trying not to look at me. Something clicked in my brain. Dusty had said he’d see Hunter tomorrow. Well, that day was today. Hmm, Hunter hadn’t said anything about Dusty coming over. Wonder why that was?
“Hey, Sharp!” Mase yelled as something exploded and Dev groaned and threw his controller.
“Hey,” Dusty said, coming in and sitting down on the couch as if he’d done it a million times before. He was also sitting in my spot. “‘Call of Duty’ again? How bad are you losing?”
Mase grumbled as I looked at Hunter. He stepped around me and went to sit back on the recliner. I had no choice but to go and lean against the arm of the couch.
“Oh, Dusty, this is my sister Jos,” Renee said, barely glancing up from the game. She had a one-track mind when she was playing.
“We’ve met,” he said, glancing over his shoulder at me and then back to the game.
“When?” Renee said, moving her whole body as she moved the controller, as if that would make some difference. I’d always threatened to video her while she was doing it for future blackmail use.
“I can’t quite recall. Where was it that we met?” I couldn’t glare at him with everyone watching, so I had to settle for clenching my teeth. He knew very well where we had met. He was totally screwing with me in front of everyone. Oh, two could play that game. I wasn’t a redhead for nothing.
“That’s right. It was at the hospital, and you needed to know the way to the pharmacy. Has the itching on your junk finally gone away?” I stage-whispered the last part and motioned in the general area.
Dusty’s eyes went wide for just a second before they narrowed and a grin spread across his face. Everyone else started laughing nervously, wondering if I was being serious or not. They didn’t know me well enough yet. Of course Renee just rolled her eyes.
“TMI, dude,” Mase said, shaking his head, and Dev tried to slide away from Dusty on the couch.
“Well played, Red. Well played.” He started a slow clap while he laughed. “Yes, my junk is now itch-free.” He shifted on the couch, adjusting his pants. Seriously, how did his pants stay up? It was one of those mysteries science had yet to solve. Like where your missing socks went when you put them in the dryer. He cleared his throat when he caught me staring at his pants. Jesus, he probably thought I was trying to check out his junk. Not that I could even see it...
“On that note,” Hunter said, clearing his throat and giving me a look before grabbing his guitar again. “Okay, requests are now open from anyone but Taylor.”
“Hey!” she protested, glancing up from her book.
“Sorry, Miss, it’s time for someone else to abuse my musical genius.”
“Fine,” she said, going back to her e-reader, but she gave him a little wink before she did it. Everyone else seemed too wrapped up in what they were doing, or was busy trying to think of a song.
“‘Sunday Morning,’” I blurted out. It was the first thing that came to mind.
Hunter looked up from the guitar. “Maroon 5?”
“Yeah.” He smiled and looked over at Dusty. “Can you give me a beat on that?” Dusty nodded and sat up. After thinking for a second, he started making sounds with his mouth. Not just sounds. Beat boxing. Hunter listened for a second and then started strumming as Dusty layered on more sounds until it was like he was creating an entire percussion section for the song with only his mouth.
I couldn’t stop my eyebrows from rising, but no one else seemed surprised. Dusty turned his head, and I made my face neutral, but he still sort of grinned at me anyway. Cocky much? Hunter started singing, and I tried to find a comfortable way to lean on the arm of the couch while also pretending to be interested in the explosions and chaos happening on the television. I would rather set my hair on fire than ask Dusty for his seat, or give him the satisfaction of going to the dining room to get a chair. Should have just stayed in my cave.
Okay, so Dusty was really good at beat boxing, not that I was an expert, by any means. He made sounds with his mouth that I didn’t know a human could make. So what? There were a million people online who could do the same thing. It wasn’t anything special. It wasn’t anything to swoon over. He wasn’t anything to swoon over.
They finished the song, and Dusty did a fancy noise that sounded like a cymbal crash and reverberation.
“Good enough for you?” Dusty said, turning to face me.
“Meh,” I said, shrugging one shoulder and turning back to the television as Renee screamed and jumped up and down and all the guys groaned and threw their controllers down.
“Take that, bitches,” Renee said, pointing at them. “In your face.” She started doing a dance that was somewhere between slutty club dancing and a weird touchdown dance hybrid. The guys all booed and threw things at her. I just shook my head. That was my sister.
“I’m hoping those moves are genetic,” said a voice so close that I slid off my perch on the arm of the couch. Luckily, I was able to catch myself before my butt hit the floor. Everyone else was too distracted by Renee’s victory dance.
“You know it’s rude to sneak up behind people,” I said, turning to face Dusty, who had somehow managed to get off the couch and creep up behind me.
“You know it’s rude to tell everyone that a fellow has a rash on his dick when he doesn’t.” He crossed his arms and leaned down, challenging me. “So what do you have to say to that, Red?”
Yeah, should have stayed in my cave.
“Nothing. I have nothing to say to you.”
Fortunately, Mase interrupted us.
“Little Ne, you want to take a turn?” The video-game-master gene seemed to have skipped me and just been concentrated in Renee. I turned away from Dusty. Hunter was watching us with fascination. Ugh, that was the last thing I needed.
“No, I’m good,” I said, stepping around Dusty and taking the seat he’d vacated on the couch and claiming it as mine. I shot him a smile, and he just pretended to clap again before going to the kitchen and dragging in one of the dining room chairs.
* * *
Renee was still kicking ass when my phone rang with a call from Mom. Just what I needed. I got up from the couch and headed for my cave. No way I was talking to her in front of everyone.
“Hey, Mom.” I heard screaming in the background, but that was par for the course. Mom always called me when she was doing a million other things.
“Hey, Jos.” Her voice was tense, but less tense than it had been earlier in the week. We’d somehow made our way onto less-shaky ground, but that didn’t mean she was any less pissed at me. “You ready to start classes tomorrow?” A shriek meant that she was probably taking something away from one of the twins.
“As I’ll ever be.” I didn’t have a choice. They wouldn’t even let me drop out when I’d suggested it as a potential solution to my academic implosion. I could get a place and a job and then they’d get off my back. I wouldn’t waste their money—or the government’s. Win-win situation. Or so I’d thought. Mom had acted like I’d just told her I’d brutally slaughtered a bunch of people, and Dad just hung up on me when I pitched it to him after striking out with her. And Renee had threatened to strangle me for even mentioning it.
“Well, I want a full report when you get back, you hear? I swear, if I get a call from your sister telling me that you’ve skipped, there will be hell to pay.”
“I know, I know.”
“Okay, then. No, you cannot have cookies for dinner. How many times do I have to tell you that?” I waited for her to be done yelling at whichever of my siblings had the audacity to want cookies for dinner.
“Listen, I’ve got a tantrum brewing here, and Chuck is working late, so I’m on my own. Can I call you later?”
“Yeah, sure.” She never would.
“’Bye, Jos. Say goodbye to Jos, everybody!” She must have held the phone up, and I heard a chorus of my siblings saying goodbye.
“’Bye, everybody,” I yelled back. Then the chaos resumed and then the call died. So much for that. I put my phone back in my pocket and went up the stairs.
Hunter and Dusty were going crazy with a rendition of “Everybody Talks” by Neon Trees. Dusty was also banging out the rhythm on his chair. The video game had been abandoned, and everyone else was humming along, including Renee. I stood back and hovered, not wanting to bust into the musical bubble. The song ended and Renee gave me a look. She probably wanted a play-by-play of the conversation with Mom. It wasn’t really anything earth-shattering, so I just sat back down on the couch as they finished the song.
“Okay, my turn. ‘Scream,’ Usher. Go,” Dusty said before starting a set of vocal gymnastics that were even more impressive than what I’d heard already. Okay, okay, you’re talented. We get the message. As soon as Hunter started singing, Mase jumped up and started dancing. Dev hopped up and they somehow managed to dance in the small space without breaking anything. I would have thought Darah would have been tweaking out about the possibility of one of the carefully arranged pictures or vases or any of the other really nice things being smashed by her boyfriend’s sick dance moves, but she just smiled and watched with her chin in her hands. Idiots. They were all idiots.
The singing went on for a while and then someone mentioned food and then that was all anyone could talk about, so the group reached a consensus that a night out was in order.
“Yeah, we never got to celebrate the new member of the Yellowfield House family,” Taylor said while everyone yelled out suggestions. That made everyone turn to me, including Dusty.
“So, you get to pick the place,” Taylor said. Even though she was not that much older than me, when she talked everyone seemed to listen. She was the shortest one, too.
“Um, I don’t even know what’s around here.” I’d wanted to go out and see what was around Bangor, but Renee had been totally down on that. I might actually have fun, and that was definitely against the rules.
And then they all started talking at once, each pitching for their favorite place, telling me which had the best steaks or pizza or bread sticks. Jesus, they were loud.
“Whoa, hold up,” I said. “I can’t think straight when you’re all yelling at me. We need to, like, do this democratically.”
Darah piped up.
“How about everyone writes their choices on pieces of paper and then Jos will pick one?”
That made everyone but Dusty burst into raucous laughter.
“Yeah, because it worked out so well before,” Taylor said, poking Hunter in the chest. He just grabbed her hand and kissed it.
“Pretty swell, I’d say.”
I gave Dusty a look, because he was the only other person who wasn’t enjoying the inside joke.
“Okay, then,” Dusty said, ripping a piece of notebook paper out of one that someone had been doing homework in earlier. “My choice is Sea Dog. Who’s next?” He wrote down everyone’s choices and then tore the slips in equal pieces, folded them up and tossed them in one of Mase’s hats.
“Do the honors, Red,” Dusty said, bowing and holding the hat out as if he was bestowing a great gift.
They all waited with anticipation like I was choosing something that would affect the rest of their lives. I grasped a piece of paper, unfolded it and read it out.
“Sea Dog it is.” Dusty winked at me. Of course I’d picked his choice. Everyone else agreed that it was a nice place and started to get their stuff together.
“Need a ride, Red?” He’d sidled up behind me again as I’d gotten my coat.
“I swear, one of these times you’re going to get a faceful of my fist if you sneak up on me, Dustin.”
“You coming, Jos?” Renee said as Paul helped her on with her coat and everyone else piled into their cars. I decided to seize my opportunity to get out from under her radar, even if I’d have to spend a few minutes with Dusty.
“I’m going to ride with Dusty.” He looked surprised for a second but then smiled. Did he just...smile all the time? Was it a reflex?
Renee looked like she was going to protest and then Paul said something in her ear. They had a quick argument and Renee threw up her hands.
“Fine. See you there.” I didn’t know what she was making such a big deal about. The restaurant was just down the road.
“Ladies first,” Dusty said, pointing toward a black VW Golf that had more than a few dings. “By the way, I wrote Sea Dog on all of them,” he whispered.
Of course he did.
“Wow, sneaky,” I said, pretending to sound impressed. He shut the door for me, and I resisted the urge to call him out on it. Matt, my ex, was big on door opening, and I’d always liked it. Yeah, I knew that it was against feminism or whatever, but it was still nice. Matt was big on things like that. Flowers on holidays and pulling chairs out and wearing ties.
His ambition was to be president, and he always said if you wanted to be president the first step was looking like one. Granted, I’d also dressed very differently then. Yes, I’d had skirts and blazers and pumps and even brooches for my neck scarves. I’d boxed all of it up and left it at Mom’s house when I’d moved into my dorm room this year. No need for any of that anymore. I’d quit all the clubs I’d been in, even Student Council, much to the dismay of nearly everyone there. Mostly because I kept the minutes and no one else wanted to do it.
“So what’s your story, Joscelyn Archer?” Dusty said as he pulled out behind Taylor’s Charger. “Have you always had that chip on your shoulder, or is it new?”
Why the hell did he care?
“What’s your story, Dustin Sharp? Renee’s never mentioned you before.” Instead of turning on the radio, he made his own music by tapping on the steering wheel and making snare drum sounds with his mouth. I was beginning to think he had ADHD. It would explain a lot.
“I bet yours is more interesting than mine,” he said, turning to look at me. I stared out the window, pretending to be fascinated with the houses that passed by.
“Okay, fine. You win,” he said when I didn’t answer. “Let’s just say I wasn’t always this good-looking and talented. I, uh, got myself into a lot of trouble when I was younger, if you can believe that.” Could I? You bet.
“And I screwed up a lot and then something happened to me to...yeah, this part sounds lame, but something happened to put things in perspective, you know? And I stopped screwing around, and I started actually giving a shit about what I wanted to do with my life.”
“And how did you become buddies with Hunter?” That was what I was most curious about.
“I met Hunter in one of my classes, and, for lack of a better, more masculine term, we formed a bromance. We see each other all the time now, since he changed his major. So, yeah. That’s my rambling and completely weird story.”
It wasn’t what I’d expected, but before I could answer he was pulling into the parking lot.
“So, on the way back it’s your turn, Red.”
This time I opened the door myself before he could get around the car.
Chapter 7
Dinner was...interesting. Everyone—except me and Dusty—greased their wheels with the wide selection of beer on tap. Even though Taylor wasn’t of age, Hunter just ordered two glasses at a time and handed her one when the waiter wasn’t looking. I didn’t even bother to try that, because Renee’s eyes were on me the entire time. She kept herself to one beer, but I knew from experience that she could pound them back when she wanted.
The more alcohol the group consumed, the dirtier the stories got. Renee kept trying to shush them, as if they were going to poison my precious ears. Like it wasn’t anything I’d heard already. I’d been in college before. I also had the sneaking suspicion they’d been on their best behavior with me in the house.
“Oh, my God, do you remember that time I walked in on you in the shower?” Mase said to Renee.
“No, I cannot recall,” she said, becoming really interested in the half-devoured onion blossom. “But even if I did, that doesn’t mean it’s the kind of story one would tell in front of one’s impressionable younger sister.” Her words were sharp as knives and I think Mase and everyone else got the message. Then there was one of those silent moments where everyone is super uncomfortable and doesn’t know what to say. It stretched out until Dusty cleared his throat loudly and then made a whistling sound like an airplane diving and then crashing in a giant explosion. It was pretty accurate-sounding and made everyone laugh nervously. Our waiter chose that moment to come over and ask if anyone wanted more drinks. I got myself another Dr Pepper and Dusty got another Mountain Dew.
“You’re going to be up all night if you keep drinking that stuff,” I said. Of course we’d been the last people to arrive at the restaurant, so we’d gotten the last two chairs at the end of the table, so of course I was next to him.
“Maybe that’s my plan. Maybe I don’t sleep.”
All I could think of were supernatural creatures. “Vampire, werewolf or zombie?”
“All of the above,” he whispered and winked at me. Why was I talking to him again?
I stole a glance down the table at Renee, but Paul was telling her something and she was laughing. Thank you, Paul. I caught his eye and gave him a thumbs-up.
“Your sister is, um, protective,” Dusty said.
“It’s a recent development.”
He waved his hand for me to elaborate. “Due to...”
I rolled my eyes.
“None of your business.” I was not going into my life story with him even though he’d shared his. I didn’t ask him to. I didn’t care.
“I think we need to have a toast,” Darah said, raising her glass. I knew she wasn’t much of a beer drinker, but she seemed to have changed her mind. “To our new resident, Jos.”
“May her life decisions be much wiser than ours,” Mase finished for her. Glasses were raised and clinked and there was some minor beer sloshing as my ears turned red and I tried not to make eye contact with anyone. Yeah, my life decisions weren’t anyone’s business but mine.
I hate it when people say “seize the day.” Seizing sounds so violent. How about “love the day” or just “live the day”?
Live the day.
A pair of fingers snapped in front of my face, making me jump.
“Come back to earth, Red. You were orbiting somewhere else. That’s dangerous, you know.” I turned toward him and a retort formed on my lips, but I let it die. He wasn’t worth it. He didn’t understand. So I just gave him a sweet smile and imagined dumping the glass of Mountain Dew on his head. It would have been so satisfying, but I would have made a scene.
“Okay, okay, it’s time for some of us to go home because some of us have class tomorrow,” Renee said.
“She means me,” I said in a stage whisper to the entire table. They laughed, some more than others, but that was probably because of the beer and not because I was that funny.
“I can drive her,” Dusty said as everyone tried to figure out the bill and how much they should tip. Most of the guys did their guy thing and refused to let the poor delicate females even consider paying. After a few lectures about feminism and the increasing popularity of going Dutch, the guys won the battle and the ladies left the tip. Paul ended up paying for me, mostly because I was broke as shit.
“But then you’d have to go to our house and drop her off and then drive back. It’s no big deal—I’m fine to drive,” Renee said.
“It’s not a big deal. I forgot my phone at your place anyway.” He was totally lying. I’d seen it in his pocket, but I kept my mouth shut.
“If you don’t mind...”
“It’s no big deal, Ne,” he said. So I guess everyone was calling her that these days. She’d always hated it when Paul called her “Nene,” but I guess she was over it. You can only fight a nickname for so long before everyone just decides to use it with or without your permission.
What if I call you...Josie? Jo? Jojo? Lyn?
He’d finally agreed to call me Jossy, which was the only suggestion I could live with.
“You went away again, Red. You have a habit of doing that?” Dusty said, bringing me back again.
“None of your business.”
He laughed as we walked, and some of us stumbled a bit, out of the restaurant.
“You sound like a robot when you say that. Means I’ve hit on something you’d like to keep hidden. You’re one of those onion girls.”
“Onion girls?” I had a brief visual of a girl wearing an onion costume. “Are you saying I smell like an onion?”
We got to the car and I let him open the door, standing back and folding my arms. Damn, it was fun screwing with him. He was about to open it but pulled his arm back at the last second and walked around to his side of the car. I wrenched it open, got in and fastened my seat belt.
“No, I mean that you’re one of those girls with layers. You know, you’re more than just a pretty face. Plus, you don’t have to scrape through a layer of makeup to get there.” While it was true that I didn’t wear a lot of makeup, I used to, back when I wore skirts more often than pants and had to look good for any photo opportunity. I used to get up early every single day and straighten my hair and line my eyes just so. I had the cat eye thing down to a science. I honestly didn’t know where my eyeliner was. I definitely hadn’t seen it in months. Renee had probably stolen it.
“Is that a nice and slightly weird way of saying I look like crap?”
“Jesus, do you take everything negatively? Man, kick a guy for trying.” He shook his head and started making drum noises. “Your turn.”
“I’m not telling you my life story, Dusty.”
“I’m not asking for your life story. Just...give me something.”
“Why? What do you want from me?”
He shook his head, a different kind of smile on his face. It was almost shy. If anything about him could ever be considered shy.
“Nothing, Red. Absolutely nothing.”
And by the time I could think of something to say, we were back.
“I know you didn’t forget your phone, you liar. Is something burning?” I pretended to sniff the air as we walked up the front steps. “I think your pants are on fire, dude.”
“Ha-ha, you’re so funny.” He reached out and rang the doorbell. I raised my eyebrow. I would have just walked in. The bell dinged and then donged and Dusty made the exact same sound with his mouth. Somehow. The door opened, and Hunter gave both of us a look before holding the door open to let me in.
“Thanks for the ride,” I said to Dusty, but it sounded like a question. He tapped two fingers to his forehead and then flicked them upward in a little salute/wave. Yeah, okay.
“’Bye.”
Hunter was still looking at Dusty. Hmm. I was distracted from watching the two of them by a retching sound coming from the upstairs bathroom and then Mase yelling that he needed a hand. There was a sound like a herd of stampeding models as Renee and Taylor clacked their way up the stairs to take care of their fallen comrade.
“Jos, can you bring me up a glass of water?” Renee said over her shoulder as the puking sounds got louder. Lovely.
“Yeah, I’ll get right on it,” I said, giving her a thumbs-up and walking toward the kitchen. I set the glass in the sink, turning the water on, and tiptoed back to where I could hear Hunter and Dusty, but they couldn’t see me.
“So, I’ll see you at Steiner’s tomorrow?” Hunter said.
“Yeah. I might be late, but I let Kent know.” Dusty walked into the living room, and I could hear him rustling about “looking for his phone.”
“Found it. See you tomorrow, man. Thanks for inviting me.”
“Thanks for coming.” I heard them slapping hands or fist bumping or performing some type of guy-bonding ritual and then the door closed and I realized the glass of water was overflowing. I went back to the sink and turned it off.
Bromance indeed.
* * *
My alarm shattered the calm of sleep the next morning so completely that I woke up cursing. Stupid fucking school. I rolled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom. I was just taking care of business when a fist slammed on the door and Renee’s voice penetrated my morning fog.
“You’d better not be late your first day.”
“Thanks, Mom, but it would be nice if I could pee without being interrupted.”
“Just get your ass upstairs in ten minutes, or I’m coming back down and dragging your ass to class, no matter what you look like.”
“Jesus H. Christ,” I muttered under my breath. I couldn’t even remember my mother being this wound up about taking me to kindergarten.
“Hurry up,” she said, rattling the doorknob for good measure. I had half a mind to walk upstairs stark naked and say I was ready, just to see the look on her face. But I didn’t fancy being naked in front of all the guys, so that plan was out.
Eight minutes later I was shoving an egg and cheese sandwich that Taylor had made in my face and shoving notebooks in my new messenger bag. Back in my “before” life, I’d carried a designer handbag just like all the other girls. Of course I also had a small clutch purse that went with it for all my makeup and tampons and such. Now I had a black messenger bag with lots of pins and buttons on it that I’d collected. I’d thrown my red hair back in a braid, put on my luckiest jeans and called it good enough.
Since everyone’s schedules were different, I was finally allowed to take my own damn car. Renee had gotten me a parking pass and handed me back the keys she’d stolen when I moved in on the condition that I didn’t get into any shenanigans. I’d been completely shenanigan-free ever since I’d gotten here, but that didn’t seem to matter to anyone. They were all still watching me, waiting for me to screw up. Maybe I should, just to put them out of their misery.
I said goodbye to everyone, promising I’d come back in one piece later.
I blasted Ingrid Michaelson on my drive to campus and sang at the top of my lungs. It took a few times of driving around the football field for me to find a free commuter parking spot. Apparently they were real asshats about parking in areas that weren’t designated for you to park in.
Finally, I found one, even though I had to squish in between a minivan and a huge truck and slide sideways to get out. I had ten minutes to get to my first class, Intro to American Law. I’d thought about changing majors, but I knew I could pretty much sleep through most of my poli-sci classes, so I stuck with what I knew.
The class was full of clones of the students I’d left behind. I even saw a few girls with the exact same bag I had shoved in a box back at my mom’s house. Since it was a sophomore-level class, most of the nonserious people had been weeded out, but there were still a few people who looked like they wouldn’t make it through four years of this. And, of course, since this was New England, there were the token Birkenstock-wearing, patchouli-smelling weirdos who were going to spend their time protesting whatever the trendy cause of the day was.
They were almost worse than the buttoned-up, straitlaced kids. They just had to be so self-righteous about every. Damn. Thing. They also loved to hear the sound of their own voices. Fortunately, I’d brought my headphones, and since they liked to talk so much, they’d take up plenty of class time, leaving that time for the rest of us to do whatever. I booted up my laptop and listened as the professor, a guy in a nice button-up and tie—big surprise—droned on about Marbury vs. Madison. Been there, done that.
I kept one ear open and the other covered as I listened to some new music I’d found the other day on low volume. I’d also bought some new albums that I needed to review, so I switched to those. The first was a ska group that was way more punk than ska and didn’t have a whole lot going for them. It wasn’t even bad in a craptastic way that made you want to listen to it anyway. They definitely weren’t Streetlight Manifesto, or Reel Big Fish.
I made a few notes about some of the songs and moved on to the second album that had more of a folky/bluegrass feel. That one was much better, and I found myself transfixed by the complex melodies and haunting lyrics. I didn’t think there was anything else like music for having the ability to transport you to another place, even when you were sitting in a class full of strangers.
Finally, the class was over and homework was assigned. I’d managed to get a seat in the back and had avoided making eye contact or speaking with anyone, so I called the first class a total win.
I wasn’t so lucky for my second, American State and Local Government. It sounded like a total yawner of a class, but when I got into the room everyone was talking and laughing like it was a social gathering instead of a class. I sat in the back, closest to the door and with at least two seats in between me and anyone else, and I thought I was set until a girl rushed in and sat with one seat between us.
“Am I late?” she said, not even looking at me and frantically searching through her bag. All I saw was a huge quantity of very blond, very curly hair that she had tried to shove into an elastic band without much success.
I looked around, but there was no one else to respond to her, so it was up to me.
“Um, there’s still a few minutes.” She was up to her elbows in her bag, and she finally emerged, holding a bag of Skittles. I opened and closed my mouth a few times as she ripped the bag open with her teeth and then held the bag in my direction.
“Want some?” I finally looked at her face and then wished I hadn’t. One half was perfect white skin, and the other was mangled with what looked like a severe burn. “Do I have something on my face?” she said, her eyes getting wide as her hand flew to her face. “Oh, yeah, I do. Duh.”
She dropped her hand and grinned at me. Somehow her eyes had remained unharmed, but the side of her mouth and the rest of her face going all the way to her ear were shiny and had a weird pattern on them. It extended down her neck, and though her arm was covered, I could see it on the back of her hand, as well.
“So I’m going to tell you my name and also tell you that you can stare if you want. I’m Hannah, and it’s okay to stare.” She flicked some of her hair back, and I tried my best to look into her eyes, which were a deep brown, in contrast with her pale hair and skin.
“Jos. I’m Jos,” I said, because what else was I going to do?
“Nice to meet you. And if you choose to sit on the other side of the room next class, I won’t, like, hate you or anything. I’m a people repeller. It’s kind of my thing. For obvious reasons.” She giggled a little, and I turned to the front of the class, where an extremely tall woman in a charcoal skirt and jacket was writing things down on the numerous whiteboards. She looked like she just stepped out of a Senate meeting. When she was done writing what looked like half of a novel, she turned around and clapped her hands. Everyone shut up.
“Okay, I see you all made it here for another week of mind-broadening. Congratulations on being sober enough to drag yourselves here.” Everyone else laughed, and I sort of joined in. She picked up a clipboard and read our names off. Of course, since my last name began with the first letter of the alphabet, I was the second person called.
“Joscelyn Archer?”
“Here,” I said, listening to my voice echo in the large room.
She looked up from the clipboard and searched me out. “You’re new to us, yes? Transfer?”
“Uh, yeah.” I could feel the blood rushing to my face and ears.
“Do you go by Joscelyn, or is there a nickname you’d prefer?”
“Um, Jos is fine.”
She smiled, showing the most perfect set of probably real teeth I’d ever seen.
“Jos. Lovely. Nice to have you with us.”
She moved on to the next name, and I slumped down in my seat.
“I hope you’re not going to do that all the time. She’ll call on you more if she knows how much you hate it,” Hannah whispered as someone else said, “here!”
“Great. Just fantastic.”
Hannah was right. Since I was new, the teacher, who went by Pam, didn’t call on me, but everyone else was fair game. She fired questions out like bullets, and if you answered too slowly, she’d move on to someone else. There was a lot of stuttering, a lot of red faces and a lot of people shooting their hands in the air to be called on so they could show everyone just how freaking smart they were.
And then there were some, including Hannah, who gave the answers when called and didn’t elaborate unless Pam asked them to. Everyone sort of turned to look at Hannah when she talked, and I could see that more than a few people’s gazes skittered away from the burned side of her face, but she didn’t seem to notice or care.
I didn’t get out my headphones the entire class. It was just too interesting. How she could make something as potentially boring as Colonial government riveting was beyond me.
When the class was over, we all sort of walked out like we were in a trance.
“Is it always like that?” I couldn’t help myself from asking Hannah as she crumpled up the empty Skittles bag.
“Pretty much. Awesome, huh?”
“It probably will be less awesome when she starts calling on me.”
“Just do the reading. You seem like the kind of person who doesn’t have her head up her ass, so you should be fine. So, where did you transfer from?”
“UNH.”
“Boo, hiss. Don’t say that too close to anyone connected with hockey, or else you might get your ass handed to you.” So I’d heard. The hockey rivalry between the University of Maine and the University of New Hampshire had been going on for as long as they’d been playing hockey. I’d never gone to a game, but campus pretty much shut down so everyone could go to the games, and I bet UMaine wasn’t any different.
I had some time before my next class, and I was already starving, so I headed toward the Union.
“Do you have another class right now?” Hannah said as we got to the doors. “Because, although that bag of Skittles was totally satisfying, I could go for something else. Why does this sound like I’m asking you out? I’m totally not.” She shook her head.
“Um, no. I’m available. For eating. Not the dating.”
Her dark eyes went wide. “Because I like boys. I swear.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
We shared one of those nervous giggles that turns into full-on laughter, and by the time we got to the Union, I was wiping tears away.
“I swear, I’m not normally this weird,” she said as we joined the lunchtime throng and descended into the food court. Only a second later she said, “Okay, that’s a complete lie. I am normally this weird.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” I whispered as we scoped out what was available. The longest lines were for pizza and burgers and the pseudo “Taco Bell,” so we headed to get wraps since those were the quickest. I happened to be on Hannah’s “good” side, but I was more than aware of the stares she got. It was one of those things. You saw her, realized there was something different about her, did a look again to check and then couldn’t look away.
She just smiled and giggled and acted like a normal girl. She got a hummus wrap and I ordered the special, known as the “Winslow,” which was basically a chicken caesar wrap with the addition of crushed croutons, which was such a brilliant idea that I couldn’t believe someone hadn’t thought of it sooner.
Finding a seat turned out to be a challenge, but we found a table for the two of us in a corner. I was about to say something, but Hannah beat me to it.
“So, in light of wanting to get things out in the open, yes, it’s a burn. It happened when I was a kid and it’s a long story and I’d rather not go into it because it’s a bit of a downer and a bit of a conversation killer and usually after I tell it I never see whoever I told it to again. Which is my weird way of saying that I don’t want to make you uncomfortable this early in our relationship. Wow, why do I keep doing that? I am so sorry.”
“No big,” I said, unable to stop laughing. “How about you tell me something else? Where are you from?”
She chewed and swallowed before she spoke. “Up north. The boondocks. The sticks. The butthole of Maine. Whatever you want to call it. I couldn’t afford to go out of state and this was the biggest school in Maine. Great place to get lost in, you know?”
I did.
“What’s your major?” she said after taking another bite of her wrap.
“Poli-sci.”
“Me, too. Although, that’s only because it sounded better than history and I’m a bit of a law junkie. I have no idea what I want to do, but I figured it was as good as anything else. Plus, in the upper level classes we get to debate and that’s kind of one of my favorite things. You?”
“I used to want to be president, or a senator or something,” I said. I hadn’t decided quite what yet. I figured I’d start out in local government and work my way up.
“Used to?”
“Another one of those long stories that’s a bit of a downer that I’d rather not tell.”
Hannah nodded. Honestly, the burn wasn’t that bad once you’d been looking at it for a while. You got used to it, and the fact that Hannah didn’t seem bothered about it helped.
“I hear you, girl.” We finished our lunch and talked more about the class, and Hannah told me that as long as I did the reading and had a reasonable grasp of the current political climate, I’d be fine. I wasn’t so sure, but I took her word for it.
“Are you on campus?” she asked as we dumped our trays and made our way upstairs to the Starbucks. Hannah said she needed her next caffeine fix.
“No. I live in a house in Bangor with my sister and a bunch of her friends.” Hannah let out a dreamy sigh.
“That sounds awesome. I’m stuck on campus. Yay, scholarship.” She sounded so enthused. “I’ve only lived with my roommate for a few weeks, and she’s already stopped talking to me. Luckily, she has a boyfriend with an apartment, so she usually stays there.”
Once again, been there, done that.
“It’s awesome if you feel like having three sets of parents always watching your every move.” I hadn’t meant to share so much about myself, but I couldn’t help it. I hadn’t talked to anyone like this in a while, and there was something about Hannah. I’d known her less than a few hours, but it was like we’d met before, even though that was impossible.
“That sucks,” she said as she got in line. I decided to get my second round of tea just for the heck of it. The line was crazy long with everyone jonesing for their next fix like a bunch of junkies standing in line for methadone. Actually, the methadone was probably cheaper.
By the time we got our drinks and found a table crushed in a corner and two seats, it was almost time for my next class. I downed my tea and told Hannah I’d see her on Wednesday. We hadn’t talked about the rest of our class schedules, but the chances of me seeing her in another of my classes were actually pretty good, and I had the feeling I would.
I was searching for Neville Hall, which housed my English class, when someone tapped me on the shoulder.
“Fancy seeing you here, Red.” I pivoted and found the ever-grinning face of Dusty Sharp. He pulled a set of headphones nearly identical to the ones I had off his ears and let them rest around his neck. His wardrobe of baggy everything hadn’t deviated, and I found myself wondering, once again, how his pants stayed up.
I wanted to say something snarky, but instead a question came out of my mouth.
“Do you know where Neville Hall is?” Someone yelled hello, and his eyes briefly left my face to wave hello and call out to someone.
“Sure. Follow me. I’m going there, as well. What class do you have?”
“English.”
“Me, too.”
Jesus, if he and I were in the same class, that would just suck beyond suckage.
He must have seen the horror on my face. I hadn’t really tried to hide it.
“Just messing with you, Red. I have calc. Would being in the same class with me be that bad?”
I didn’t answer as we crossed the road and I saw a building with the words Neville Hall on it. I could have found it if I’d looked, but then I probably would have been late.
He held the door for me and a few people coming in behind me.
“Thank you,” I said.
We paused in the lobby.
“I’m on the second floor,” he said, pointing toward the stairs.
“I’m on the third.”
We walked up two flights and he gave me that little two-fingered wave again.
“See you later, Red.”
“’Bye.”
I joined a few other people and plodded my way up to the third floor.
I hadn’t fulfilled my English requirements yet, so I was stuck taking Creative Writing. When I walked in, there were only about ten other people there. That did not bode well for being able to hide and listen to music. Great.
I found a seat in the back and close to the door and looked around. I felt pretty young; most of the people looked like they were quite a bit older than me.
I’d gotten a decent grade in my English comp class at UNH, but only because I’d been one of the few students who turned in assignments. I liked to read, but writing those insipid papers where you had to analyze what some dude who had died hundreds of years ago had meant by writing about rain or some such crap was pretty much the worst thing ever. Luckily, the more you seemed to bullshit, the better grade you got. Maybe I could do the same in this class.
A few more people trickled in until there were fifteen of us. The professor was the last one there, and he was everything a teacher of English should be. He even had a tweed jacket with those weird elbow patches and horn-rimmed glasses.
He called attendance and when he got to my name he asked me what I wanted to be called. I went with Jos again as he introduced himself as Greg and explained how the class would go. I’d skimmed the syllabus, but hadn’t really paid attention to it. As he explained what we’d be doing, my heart sank. We’d have to write something every week, and during at least one class period a week. And we had to read what we’d written. Out loud. And, if that wasn’t enough, he’d make copies of what we’d written and we’d all have a class discussion.
Welcome to your nightmare, Jos Archer.
Once again, since I was new, I didn’t have to do much, but this was going to be another class in which I was required to participate, even if I didn’t want to. At least half of the class looked like they’d rather be getting a lobotomy than be there, so at least I was in good company.
I suffered my way through and then I was finally done with classes for the day. I scurried away from Neville Hall as fast as I could before I could bump into Dusty again, and checked my phone. There were several missed texts from Renee, asking how classes were going, and one from my mother and another from Darah that was just a smiley face.
I could have gone back to the house, but I wanted to savor this time I had without anyone watching my every move. It wasn’t too cold, so I did a walk around campus, finding the rest of my classes for the next day and watching the other students go about their lives, wondering what it was like to be them.
When my legs started to get numb, despite the walking, I went back to my car. My instructions were to go right home, but I didn’t. I’d been dying to go to Bull Moose in Bangor, so I headed toward the mall. Bull Moose was pretty much the best music store in all of New England. I’d discovered them when I went to UNH and I was over the moon when I realized there was one close to UMaine.
It took some maneuvering and lane-switching to find the place, but I did.
The great thing about Bull Moose was that they had not only CDs, but records and old movies, and all the people who worked there knew what they were talking about. When I walked in, I let out a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding. Ah. I loved the comforting rows of cases, all ordered by genre and artist. Yes, most music could be purchased online, but you couldn’t duplicate the experience of going to a store and browsing yourself.
“Can I help you, little lady?” Jesus. H. Christ. I paused with my hand on a Radiohead CD that I didn’t currently own and turned to make sure he wasn’t a hallucination.
“No, thank you. I can pick out my own music.” That was a lie. I’d recently discovered The Black Keys, and I was hoping to find more bands like them, but I was never going to ask Dusty. Not in a million years. “Are you stalking me? Because, seriously, it’s getting ridiculous.”
“Maybe you’re the one who’s stalking me. I was here first. You came into my store.” I finally noticed he had a lanyard around his neck like the other guys who worked here.
“Oh, so this is your store? Do you own it?”
“Nope, but I do work here. And I’ve been going to Yellowfield House longer than you, too. So I was here first.”
“I don’t give a shit,” I said, putting the CD back. Even my music sanctuary had been invaded.
“So you’re into music,” Dusty said, straightening some of the CDs, as if he was pretending to work. “What kind?”
“Taylor Swift,” I said, just to throw him. Granted, I had listened to plenty of her stuff and some of it wasn’t so bad. But he didn’t know that.
“Well, we have a wide range of T Swift’s music for your listening pleasure.” He gestured toward the pop section. “I’m partial to her earlier work, but her newest album is getting great reviews.” I waited to see if he was being sarcastic.
“Can you just let me browse without being harassed? I get it enough at Renee’s, and I don’t need it from everyone else.” Wow, I did not mean to be that honest. What was it with me today? I seemed to be vocalizing everything I was thinking whether I meant to or not.
“Wow, easy, Red.” He put his hands up as if I’d held a gun to his head. “Just trying to be a good employee and help a customer, but if you want to be left alone, you got it.” He turned around and left before I could say anything else. I saw him talking to a few of the other guys and pointing at me. What fresh hell was this?
He came back a few minutes later as I was searching through the alt-rock section.
“Okay, so I’ve told everyone not to approach you unless you approach them first, so the store is yours, Joscelyn.” He waved his arms to indicate everything.
“Thanks.” It sounded like a question.
“Anytime.” One last grin and he was gone, off to the back of the store and through a door marked Employees Only. And I was left alone for the rest of my time in the store.
I found a couple CDs, but didn’t look as close as I wanted because I felt like all eyes were on me, even though every time I looked up, one or more of the employees were giving me looks like I was going to run over and stab them or something. God only knew what he had told them so they’d leave me alone. Then again, I probably didn’t want to know.
* * *
When I got back from my little Bull Moose trip, there were several cars parked in the driveway, so I had to settle for parking in the street.
“Hey, Miss I’m-not-going-to-text-my-sister-back.” Renee’s voice was the first thing I heard when I walked through the door and hung my coat up. Renee hopped up from the couch and came over to glare at me.
“I was busy.”
“Doing what?” She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. I pushed past her and went downstairs to put my stuff away. Of course she followed me.
“Look, Renee, I know you find this hard to believe, but I didn’t do anything bad. I went to class, I had lunch, I went to Bull Moose and I came back here. That’s all. Besides, how can I do anything with you riding my ass at every turn?”
Instead of yelling at me she just tossed her hands in the air and then banged them on her thighs.
“Why are you being like this, Jos? What happened to my little sister who never, ever swore? I don’t feel like I know you anymore.”
“Maybe you didn’t know me before. Maybe that girl was a lie.” She had been a lie. That girl had a metal rod shoved so far up her butt she was choking on it. That girl was so afraid of stepping out of line or making any waves that she never did anything. Never broke curfew. Never got drunk. Never did anything that could be construed as wild, or out of control, or free.
She was so fucking uptight that she barely ever laughed. Or smiled. Or had any fun of any kind. That girl never would have just sat in a dark room and listened to music without it having a purpose. Being that girl was exhausting, but no one knew.
“I just don’t know what to say to you anymore, Jos. You’re my sister and I feel like you’re a complete stranger. What am I supposed to do?” For the first time, I heard the hopelessness in her voice. Renee didn’t get hopeless. She didn’t get weak. She was always tough as nails; she had to be with our crazy parents.
“You don’t have to do anything. Just...give me some space. I can’t breathe.” I sat down on my bed and she came and sat next to me.
“I never thought that I would be this worried about you. You’re the good one. You made the rest of us look like losers. It was hell when our report cards would come out and you’d always have A’s and the rest of us had to compete with that. It sucked, by the way.” She bumped my shoulder with hers.
“I’m sorry?”
“No, I just wish I had been the one who could have set the good example. You know, I’m supposed to be the oldest and all that. I tried, but you were always better.”
Was. Past tense.
She touched my hair. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened last year?”
I shook my head. “I just decided that life was worth living, and I hadn’t been.”
“All of a sudden? Carpe diem?”
Sure.
“Something like that.”
Chapter 8
I ran into Hannah in my bio 202 class the next day. It was cruel, but the university required that we have at least six credits in science, and I only had three. Once again, I figured bio would be the way to go since it would be a huge class and I could probably show up or not show up and no one would know.
“Hey, stalker,” Hannah said as I sat next to her. The classroom was one of the larger on campus, with what looked like stadium seating. Too bad we’d all be falling asleep and learning about ribosomes instead of watching an awesome movie, or a rock concert.
“Maybe you’re stalking me.” There were quite a few empty seats around her, and I hoped they stayed that way.
“Told you, I’m a people repeller,” Hannah said, leaning back in her seat. “Skittles?” She had another fresh bag and held it out to me.
“No, thanks. I can’t eat Skittles without M&M’s.”
“You serious?” She tossed a handful into her mouth and a few clattered to the floor.
“Yeah. It’s not crazy, if you think about it.” I’d explained this quite a few times. “Skittles are like fruit, right? And M&M’s are chocolate. So it’s like chocolate-covered fruit. You should try it. Could change your life.”
Hannah gave me a dubious look and munched her Skittles.
“I’ll take your word for it.”
The class filled up and the seats nearest us were the last to be filled by stragglers. Hannah and I spent most of the class writing notes back and forth because, honestly, it was boring as hell. I somehow managed to stay awake, but that was mostly due to Hannah. My second class of the day, something called the Nature and Language of Math, was equally boring and sleep-inducing.
I went right back to the house after class and found it pretty quiet. Since there were so many people living in the house and everyone had something going on, Darah had made a chart on a whiteboard so everyone could write where they were when. I erased the words at class and wrote home next to my name.
Taylor and Mase were the only ones home. I heard the washing machine going and some loud music coming from the man cave downstairs. Guess I couldn’t go to my room. Instead, I threw myself on the leather sofa and sighed.
“That sounded like a heavy sigh.” Taylor’s voice pierced the quiet. I sat up to find her leaning against the stairs.
“It wasn’t, really.” She came and sat on the recliner, leaving me the entire couch.
“So what do you think of UMaine? Is it everything you expected?”
I shrugged.
“It’s college. Pretty much like any other.”
“Still. Everything going okay?”
She was fishing and not doing a very good job of it.
“Renee tell you to talk to me?” I grabbed the remote and turned on the massive television, flipping around until I found something decent. And by decent I meant a marathon of Behind the Music on VH1.
“If I say no, you’ll know that I’m lying, so yes. She’s just worried about you.”
“Well, she’s got lots of company in that department.”
“I know things are kind of crazy for you right now, but I swear, they will get better. And lashing out feels good when you do it, but living with the consequences kind of sucks. I should know. I punched Hunter when I first met him. He’s got a hell of a hard face.” Renee hadn’t told me that story.
“You did?”
She smiled as if it was a fond memory and shook her head.
“Yeah. He kind of cornered me, and I have a bit of a claustrophobia issue. To be fair, he totally deserved it.” I could imagine him provoking her. It seemed to be one of his favorite things to do.
“I bet he did. How did you go from that to...being disgustingly in love?”
She laughed.
“He’s persistent. And has a high tolerance for me being mean and shoving him away.”
“Huh.” Sounded familiar.
She kicked out the footrest on the recliner and squinted at me, as if she was deciding something.
“I was nearly raped, when I was younger. It was my sister’s older boyfriend, Travis, and he tried to rape her, too. She got over it and I never did. Hunter was the first guy that I let touch me. There was something about him that made me feel safe in a way I’d never felt safe before. I trusted him, even when I told myself not to. I let him in before I even knew that’s what I was doing. Sometimes you meet people like that. By the time you realize you’ve let them into your life, it’s too late, and usually by that point you can’t see life without them.”
I knew exactly what she was talking about, and I found myself twisting the elephant charm on my bracelet. Yeah, I knew what she was talking about. But sometimes, those people get taken from you, and there’s nothing you can do to get them back.
Even if she and Hunter broke up—which I couldn’t see happening—he was still alive. She could wake up every morning and know that, even if she didn’t see him, he existed in the world somewhere.
“So yeah, that’s my story, the abridged version, and now things are...really good.” Yeah, I could see that. She stared down at her ring and twisted it on her finger.
“Has anyone even stopped to think that I wasn’t okay before, and I am now? Just because I looked like I was keeping things together and was this perfect person doesn’t mean I was doing okay. Maybe that was my master plan, to make everyone think that.” Taylor thought about that for a second.
“Like reverse psychology? Wow, you are smart. I wish I would have thought of that instead of just being a bitch to everyone. That probably would have worked a lot better than violence.” Footsteps sounded on the stairs, and Mase emerged from the basement, his face with a sheen of sweat on it and his arms busting from the thin tank top he was wearing.
“What are you doing down there? If I didn’t know that Darah was at work, I’d swear you guys were going at it,” Taylor said.
Mase smiled and went to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.
“Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither were these arms.” He flexed and his arms bulged. They were, like, the size of my neck. “Gotta do some maintenance to keep them nice for Dare.”
“One of those crazy workout videos again?” Taylor said, pretending to punch him. He collapsed, pretending she’d wounded him.
“You’re welcome to join anytime.”
“Yeah, I’d rather not. Kickboxing all the way.” He gulped down some water and wiped his face on her sleeve.
“Ugh! You are disgusting!” She screamed and he chased her around the living room as the door opened.
“Someone want to explain?” Hunter said, setting his bag down and watching as Mase growled at Taylor and she dived behind the recliner. “Dude, you are my family, but if you’re going after my girl, I will have to pound your ass,” Hunter said, but he wasn’t serious.
“Aren’t you coming to rescue me? Isn’t that your job?” Taylor squealed as Mase dragged her out and tried to put her head under his sweaty armpit.
“Oh, no, baby, you’re on your own. It’s all you, Miss. I’m just enjoying the view.”
“Douche bag!” She managed to pinch Mase’s side and wiggle out from under his arm and rush toward Hunter.
“See if I do anything nice for you anytime soon.” It didn’t take a genius to figure out she was talking about sexual favors. Disgusting.
“How was your day, Little Ne?” Mase moved my feet and sat down next to me. I hoped he wasn’t going to wipe his sweat on me. Not that it would be any different than being at home with my siblings who often used my jeans and shirts as tissues.
“Same as yesterday. It will probably be the same tomorrow.”
“Wow, don’t sound so depressed. Most people your age would love to be living in this house. I mean, what more could you want?” He gestured to the beautifully furnished house.
Freedom to do what I wanted. Freedom from being watched and criticized. But Mase wouldn’t understand that.
“Nothing, I guess. You can ignore my bitching if you want,” I said.
“Please tell me you won’t sync your period with the rest of the ladies in the house. It’s bad enough, and now the guys are outnumbered,” Mase said.
“I’ll give it a shot, but no promises.” He held his fist out and I bumped it with mine and then we exploded at the same time and I couldn’t help but laugh. Hunter sat down on the recliner and Taylor sat in his lap.
“So, I’ve got a performance this weekend. You guys in?” he said.
Mase nodded. I was missing something.
“Performance?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m in this a cappella group, the Steiners. God, that still sounds lame when I say it out loud. I was sort of forced to join after someone saw a poster for auditions,” Hunter said, staring at Taylor.
“I’m someone,” Taylor said, raising her hand. “And you should come. It’s actually really cool. Dusty’s in it, too. He’s their beat boxer.”
I wasn’t even surprised. Dusty Sharp was destined to show up in my life. I might as well accept it.
“We might even do a certain song that I think you’d like. I can put in a request,” Hunter said.
“Sure, why not? It’s not like I have anything better to do.” I needed to get a job soon, but I hadn’t talked to Renee about it yet. The plan was to find something, get myself hired and then tell her about it later so she couldn’t say anything about it.
My first inclination, when I found out that there was a Bull Moose close to campus, was to try there, but now that I knew Dusty was there, that was out. I just wanted to do something that wouldn’t suck, but the chances of that happening were pretty slim. Still, I’d have to start looking. Maybe Hannah would have some ideas.
“Awesome. You’ll like it, I swear,” Taylor said, tracing Hunter’s number seven tattoo. Paul was the only guy in the house without any ink. I’d considered getting some myself, especially now. I wanted something on my body that reminded me of him. Something that would make me think of him and what little time he’d been in my life that would influence me. That was what I missed the most, second to him. It was his influence.
But I knew Renee would have a litter of two-headed kittens if she found out I was even considering getting inked. I’d have to wait until she’d stopped watching me like a hawk. It was something to think about. Soonish.
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Chelsea Cameron
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: The past will always find you… Jos Archer was the girl with the perfect life—until the night it all came crashing down around her. Now, nine months later, she still hasn’t begun to pick up the pieces. Even transferring to a new college and living under the watchful eye of her older sister, Renee, isn’t enough to help her feel normal again. And then she meets Dusty Sharp. For reasons Jos can’t begin to fathom, the newly reformed campus bad boy seems determined to draw her out of her shell. And if she’s not careful, his knowing green eyes and wicked smile will make her feel things she’s no longer sure she deserves. But even as Dusty coaxes Jos to open up about the past, he’s hiding secrets of his own. Secrets about the night her old life fell apart. When the truth is finally revealed, will it bring them closer together—or tear them apart for good?′A wonderful, captivating, and heartbreaking story that pulled me in from page one.′ -Jessica Sorensen,