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Through the Zombie Glass
Gena Showalter
Alice Bell has lost so much.Family. Friends. A home.She thought she had nothing else to give. She was wrong.After a new zombie attack, strange things begin to happen to her. Mirrors come to life, and the whispers of the dead assault her ears. But the worst? A terrible darkness blooms inside her, urging her to do very wicked things. She’s never needed her team of zombie slayers more, but ultra bad-boy Cole Holland, the leader and her boyfriend, suddenly withdraws from her… from everyone. Now, with her best friend Kat at her side, Ali must kill the zombies, uncover Cole’s secret and learn to fight the darkness.But the clock is ticking… and if she fails at a single task, they’re all doomed.


THE WHITE RABBIT CHRONICLES
I’ve lost so much.
A dear friend.
My new home.
My purpose. My pride.
And it’s my fault. I can blame no one else.
I and I alone let the darkness in.
Zombies stalk the night. Forget blood and brains. These monsters hunger for human souls. Sadly, they’ve got mine…
Alice Bell has lost so much. Family. Friends. A home. She thought she had nothing else to give. She was wrong.
After a new zombie attack, strange things begin to happen to her. Mirrors come to life, and the whispers of the dead assault her ears. But the worst? A terrible darkness blooms inside her, urging her to do very wicked things.
She’s never needed her team of zombie slayers more, but ultra bad-boy Cole Holland, the leader and her boyfriend, suddenly withdraws from her…from everyone. Now, with her best friend Kat at her side, Ali must kill the zombies, uncover Cole’s secret and learn to fight the darkness.
But the clock is ticking…and if she fails at a single task, they’re all doomed.
Through the Zombie Glass
Gena Showalter

www.miraink.co.uk (http://www.miraink.co.uk)
To three bright lights in my life—Shane, Shonna and Michelle
Contents
Epigraph (#uffa939f6-e8ad-5201-8e30-943b2b7cbc78)
A Note From Ali (#uf2abd456-0959-5845-a59d-488a39db9f8d)
Chapter 1 (#u3f9523ad-d0d1-5d91-834e-397634c2efdb)
Chapter 2 (#u6712b9d8-8b70-5463-ada9-08fcc0b1b541)
Chapter 3 (#u4a3f0f1e-d54d-5e0c-9472-f68af3f66f2f)
Chapter 4 (#uce07032b-f99d-5846-9fad-4a46dd19b5c6)
Chapter 5 (#u1c2144d1-8423-537c-860b-819da80d74dc)
Chapter 6 (#u6aa65997-81e6-59c4-a7f9-3d5f98c30bfb)
Chapter 7 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 8 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 24 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 25 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 26 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 27 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 28 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 29 (#litres_trial_promo)
A Note From Cole (#litres_trial_promo)
Dedication (#litres_trial_promo)
Excerpt (#litres_trial_promo)

“The battle line between good and evil runs through the heart of every man.”
—Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

A Note From Ali
Where should I begin?
With travesty? Heartache?
No. I don’t want to begin with where I am now.
I don’t want to end that way, either.
We’ll start with this. A truth. Everything around us is subject to change. Today is cold. Tomorrow, heat will come. Flowers bloom, then wither. Those we love, we can grow to hate. And life...life can be perfect one minute and in shambles the next. I learned that lesson the hard way when my parents and beloved little sister died in a car crash, shattering every corridor of my heart.
I’ve done my best to weld the pieces back together, but—tick, tock. Another change.
A change that cost me everything.
The respect of my friends. My new home. My purpose. My pride.
My boyfriend.
And it’s my fault. I can blame no one else.
One mistake gave birth to a thousand others.
I knew there were monsters out there. Zombies. I knew they weren’t the mindless beings movies and books portrayed them to be. They exist in spirit form, unseen to the ungifted eye. They’re fast, determined and, at times, smart. They hunger for the source of life. Our spirits.
I know, I know. That’s laughable, right? Invisible creatures determined to feast on humans from the inside out? Please. But it’s true. I know, because I became an all-you-can-eat buffet—and offered my friends as dessert.
Now I’m not just fighting the zombies. I’m fighting to save the life I’ve grown to love.
I will succeed.
Tick, tock.
It’s time.
Chapter 1
Begin at the Beginning
A few months earlier
More and more I’d been dreaming about the crash that killed my parents and younger sister. I relived the moments as our car flipped end over end. The sounds of metal crunching into pavement. The stillness when everything was over, and I was the only one awake...maybe the only one alive.
I’d struggled to free myself from the seat belt, desperate to help little Emma. Her head had been twisted at such an odd angle. My mother’s cheek had been slashed open like a Christmas ham, and my father’s body had been thrown out of the car. Panic had made me stupid, and I’d hit my head on a sharp piece of metal. Darkness had swallowed me whole.
But in my dreams, I watched my mother blink open her eyes. She was disoriented at first, moaning in pain and trying to make sense of the chaos around her.
Unlike me, she had no problem with her seat belt, freeing herself and turning, her gaze landing on Emma. Tears began to rain down her cheeks.
She looked at me and gasped, reaching out to place a trembling hand on my leg. A river of warmth seemed to rush through me, strengthening me.
“Alice,” she shouted, shaking me. “Wake up—”
I jolted upright.
Panting, my body dotted with perspiration, I scanned my surroundings. I saw walls of ivory and gold, painted in swirling patterns. An antique dresser. A furry white rug on the floor. A mahogany nightstand, with a Tiffany lamp perched next to a photo of my boyfriend, Cole.
I was in my new bedroom, safe.
Alone.
My heart slammed against my ribs as though trying to burst free. I forced the dream to the back of my mind and moved to the edge of the bed to peer out the large bay window and find a sense of calm. Despite the gorgeousness of the view—a garden teeming with bright, lush flowers that somehow thrived in the cool October weather—my stomach twisted. Night was in full bloom, and so were the creepies.
Fog that had brewed on the horizon for hours had finally spilled over, gliding closer and closer to my window. The moon was round and full, set ablaze with orange and red, as if the surface had been wounded and was bleeding.
Anything was possible.
Zombies were out tonight.
My friends were out there, too, fighting the creatures without me. I hated myself for falling asleep at such a critical time. What if a slayer needed my help? Called me?
Who was I kidding? No one would call, no matter how badly I was needed.
I stood and paced the room, cursing the injuries that kept me tucked inside. So I’d been sliced from hip to hip a few weeks ago. So what? My stitches had been removed and the flesh was already scarring.
Maybe I should just arm up and head out. I’d rather save someone I love and risk another life-threatening injury than do nothing and stay out of harm’s way. But...I didn’t know where the group had gone, and more than that, if I did manage to track them down, Cole would freak. He would be distracted.
Distraction killed.
Dang it. I would do as I’d been told and wait.
Minutes stretched into hours as I continued to pace, a sense of unease growing sharper with every second that passed. Would everyone come back alive? We’d lost two slayers in the past month alone. None of us were prepared to lose another.
The hinges on my door squeaked.
Cole slipped inside the room and threw the lock, ensuring that no one would bust in on us. Relief plucked the claws right out of the unease, and I thrilled.
He was here. He was okay.
He was mine.
His gaze landed on me, and I shivered, waiting for a vision...hoping for one.
Since the day we’d met, we’d experienced a small glimpse of the future the first time our eyes locked on any given day. We’d seen ourselves making out, fighting zombies and even relaxing in a swing. Today, like almost every day since my stabbing, I experienced nothing but crushing disappointment.
Why had the visions stopped?
Deep down, I suspected one of us had built up some sort of emotional wall—and I knew it hadn’t been me.
I was too entranced by him.
Always he threw off enough testosterone to draw the notice of every girl within a ten-mile radius. Though he was only seventeen years old, he seemed far older. He had major experience on the battlefield, had fought in the human/zombie war since he could walk. He had experience with girls, too. Maybe too much experience. He knew just what to say...how to touch...and we melted. I’d never met anyone like him. I doubted I ever would again.
He wore all black, like a phantom of the night. Inky hair stuck out in spikes, with leaves and twigs intertwined in the strands. He hadn’t bothered to clean his face, so his cheeks were streaked with black paint, dirt and blood.
So. Danged. Hot.
Violet eyes almost otherworldly in their purity shuttered, becoming unreadable, even as his lips compressed into a hard, anguished line. I knew him, and knew this was his let’s-just-burn-the-world-to-the-ground-and-call-it-good face.
“What are you doing out of bed, Ali?”
I ignored the question as well as the harshness of his tone, understanding that both sprang from a place of deep concern for me. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “What happened out there?”
Silent, he disarmed, dropping daggers, guns, magazines of ammo and his personal favorite, a crossbow. He’d come to me first, I realized, not even bothering to stop at his house.
“Were you bitten?” I asked. Suffering? Zombie bites left a burning toxin behind. Yes, we had an antidote, but the human body could take only so much before it broke down.
“I saw Haun,” he finally responded.
Oh, no. “Cole, I’m so sorry.” A while back, Haun had been killed by zombies. The fact that Cole had seen him again meant only one thing. Haun had risen from his grave as the enemy.
“I suspected it would happen, but I wasn’t ready for the reality of it.” Cole’s shirt was the next to go.
The blade-sharp cut of his body always stole my breath, and now was no exception, regardless of the horror of our conversation. I drank him in—the delightfully wicked nipple ring, the sinewy chest and washboard abs covered with a plethora of tattoos. Every design, every word, meant something to him, from the names of the friends he’d lost in the war to the depiction of the grim reaper’s scythe. Because that was what he was. A zombie killer.
He was total bad boy—the dangerous guy monsters feared finding in their closets.
And he was closing the distance between us. I buzzed with anticipation, expecting him to draw me into his arms. Instead, he bypassed me to fall onto the bed and cover his face with scabbed hands.
“I ashed him tonight. Ended him forever.”
“I’m so sorry.” I eased beside him and brushed my fingers over his thigh, offering what comfort I could. I knew he understood that he hadn’t actually ashed Haun, or even the ghost of Haun. The creature he’d fought hadn’t had Haun’s memories or his personality. It had had his face and nothing more. His body had simply been a shell for unending hunger and malevolence.
“You had to do it,” I added. “If you’d let him go, he would have come back for you and our friends, and he would have done his best to destroy us.”
“I know, but that doesn’t make it any easier.” He released a shuddering sigh.
I looked him over more intently. He had angry cuts on his arms, chest and stomach. Zombies were spirits, the source of life—or afterlife in their case—and had to be fought by other spirits. That was why, to engage, we had to force ours out of our bodies, like a hand being pulled out of glove. And yet, even though we left our bodies behind, frozen in place, the two were still connected. Whatever injury one received, the other received, as well.
I padded to the bathroom, wet several washrags and grabbed a tube of antibiotic cream.
“Tomorrow I start training again,” I said as I tended him, distracting us both.
He glared up at me through lashes so thick and black he looked as if he wore eyeliner. “Tomorrow’s Halloween. All of us have the day and night off. And by the way, I’m taking you to a costume party at the club. I’m thinking we’ll stick with the whole battered and bruised theme and go as a naughty nurse and even naughtier patient.”
My first outing in weeks would be a date with Cole. Yes, please. “I think you’ll make a very sexy naughty nurse.”
“I know,” he said without missing a beat. “Just wait till you see my dress. Slutty doesn’t even begin to describe. And you will, of course, require a sponge bath.”
Don’t laugh. “Promises, promises.” I tsked, then tried to continue more seriously. “But I never mentioned hunting.” Too many people would be out, and some would be dressed as zombies. At first glance, we might not be able to tell the real deal from the fake. “I only mentioned training. You are working out tomorrow morning, aren’t you?” He always did.
He ignored my question, saying, “You’re not ready.”
“No, you’re not ready for me to be ready, but it’s happening whether you like it or not.”
He scowled at me, dark and dangerous. “Is that so?”
“Yes.” Not many people stood up to Cole Holland. Everyone at our school considered him a full-blown predator, more animal than human. Feral. Dangerous.
They weren’t wrong.
Cole wouldn’t hesitate to tear into someone—anyone—for the slightest offense. Except me. I could do what I wanted, say what I wanted, and he was charmed. Even when he was scowling. And it was strange, definitely something I wasn’t used to—having power over someone else—but I’d be lying if I claimed not to like it.
“Two problems with your plan,” he said. “One, you don’t have a key to the gym. And two, there’s a good chance your instructor will suddenly become unreachable.”
Since he was my instructor, I took his words as the gentle threat they were and sighed.
When I’d first joined his group, he’d thrown me into the thick of battle without hesitation. I think he’d trusted his ability to protect me from any kind of threat more than he’d trusted my skills.
Then I’d proved myself and he’d backed off.
Then he’d accidentally stabbed me.
Yep. Him. He’d aimed for the zombie snarling and biting at him; I’d stepped in to help, and, with a single touch, ashed the only thing shielding my body from his strike. Cole had yet to forgive himself.
Maybe that was why he’d built a wall.
Maybe he needed a reminder of just how wily I could be.
“Cole,” I said huskily, and his eyelids lowered to half-mast.
“Yes, Ali.”
“This.” A slow smile spread as I circled my hands around his ankles—and jerked. He slid off the bed and thumped to the floor.
“What the hell?”
I leaped on top of him, pinning his shoulders with my knees. The action caused the scar on my stomach to throb, but I masked my wince with another smile. “What are you going to do now, Mr. Holland?”
He watched me intently, amusement darkening his irises. “I think I’ll just enjoy the view.” He gripped me by the waist, squeezed just enough to make sure he had my full attention. “From this angle, I can see your—”
Choking back a laugh, I took a swing at him.
“Shorts,” he finished, catching my hand just before impact. I wasn’t given the chance to tug free. He rolled me over, stretched my arms over my head and held me down.
Tricky slayer.
“What are you going to do now, Miss Bell?”
Stay just like this and enjoy? I could smell the pine and soap of his scent. Could hear the rasp of our breath intermingling. Could feel the heat and hardness of his body pressing against me.
“What would you like me to do?” I met his gaze, and the air around us thickened, charged with electricity.
Would he touch me?
I wanted him to touch me.
“You’re not ready for what I’d like you to do.” He searched my face as he reached between us, his actions belying his words...please, please...until he slowly pushed the hem of my tee over my navel, revealing every inch of damaged flesh.
He looked me over, and my stomach quivered. Heck, all of me quivered. He crawled down, down, and kissed one edge of the wound, then the other, and a moan left me.
Please. More.
But a moment passed, then another, and he merely returned to his former position, driving me crazy with his nearness but never doing anything to relieve the tension spiraling inside me.
“One more week of rest,” he said, his jaw clenched as if he’d had to force the words to leave his mouth. “Doctor’s orders.”
I shook my head. “I’ll ask Bronx and Frosty to train me.”
His eyes narrowed to tiny slits. “They’ll say no. I’ll make sure of it.”
“At first, maybe.” Definitely. Everyone always followed Cole’s rules. Even other alpha males recognized a bigger, badder predator. “However, I have a secret weapon.”
He arched a brow. “And what’s that?”
“Sure you want to know?” I asked, rubbing my knees along his hips.
“Yes. Tell me.” His tone had gone low, gruff.
My knees slid higher, higher still, and he went utterly motionless, waiting to see what I would do next. I had two options. Try to seduce him into making out with me—the way he’s looking at me...I might actually succeed this time—or prove I wasn’t out for the count.
Sometimes I hated my priorities.
I planted my feet against his shoulders and pushed with all my might. He propelled backward, catching himself on his knees.
“With you? Distraction,” I purred.
Laughing, he stayed where he was and lifted my leg to place a soft kiss on my ankle. “I must be seriously disturbed, because I like when you rough me up.”
Heat spilled into my cheeks. “You make me sound like some kind of he-woman.”
He laughed again, and oh, it was a beautiful sound. Lately, he’d been so somber. “I also like when you blush.”
“Yes, well, I’ll bug Frosty and Bronx until they say yes.” Apparently my inquisitive personality was not charming to everyone. Go figure. “They’ll be so irritated by their lack of fortitude, they’ll throw me around like I’m a meat bag.”
“So? You’ll get a boo-boo I’ll have to kiss and make better. Problem, meet solution.”
I swallowed a laugh of my own and had to concentrate to adopt a stern expression. “I’ll let you kiss me better—if the boo-boo is on my butt.”
“Hmm. Kinky. This is a plan I can get behind... It’s a very nice behind.”
Tease! “Cole,” I said with a pout. “You can’t flirt with me like this and then do nothing about it.”
“Oh, I’ll do something about it.” The gruff, wanting tone was back. His gaze locked on my mouth, heating with awareness. “Once you’ve been cleared.”
So, seven more days of Cole’s china-doll treatment? Don’t whimper. “Mr. Ankh would have cleared me already if not for you and your protests.” I sat up and shifted my fingers through the silk of his hair. “I’m better now. I swear!”
“No, you’re finally on the road to better. But if you start training, that could slow your progress. Besides, you’re mine, Ali-gator, and you’re precious to me. I want you better. I need you better. And okay, yeah, I don’t like the thought of my friends putting their hands on you.”
Ali-gator? Really? I think I would have preferred something like, I don’t know, cuddlecakes. Anything was better than a comparison to an overgrown lizard, right?
And had he just called me his?
See? Melting...
“Bronx is secretly into Reeve and Frosty is bat-crap crazy for Kat. They wouldn’t try anything.” And really, before Cole, no boy had ever tried anything with me. I had no idea what made me so irresistible to him.
“Don’t care,” he said, leaning forward to nuzzle my neck. “I will put my boys in the hospital if they come near you. I don’t share my toys.”
I had to swallow a snort. “If anyone else called me their toy, internal organs would spill.”
“Agreed. Like I said, you’re mine. And, Ali, I’d love to be called your anything, especially your toy. I reeeally want you to play with me.”
Okay, I did snort. Hello, mixed signals. “I’d really like you to prove that, Cole Holland.”
His response? A groan.
I sighed. There was nothing mixed about that, was there? “Back to the pimp hand you’re planning to throw around.” I had no doubt he could put people in the hospital—he had before—but his friends? Never. I opened my mouth to tell him so, only to gasp. He’d just bitten the cord of my shoulder, and the most delicious lance of pleasure had shot through me. “Cole.”
“Sorry. Couldn’t help myself. Had to do a little proving.”
“Don’t stop,” I breathed. “Not this time.”
“Ali,” he said with another groan. “You’re killing me.” He stood with me in his arms and gently laid me on the bed. He stretched out next to me but didn’t pull me into his side.
I swallowed a shriek of frustration. I wasn’t sure if he was punishing himself for what he’d done to me or if he really was afraid he would break me. All I knew was that I missed the feel and taste of him.
I rolled toward him and rested my head on his shoulder. His skin was warm and surprisingly soft as I traced a circle around the piercing in his nipple. Bad Ali.
Smart Ali. His heart kicked into a faster rhythm, delighting me.
Disappointed Ali. He remained just as he was, here but set apart from me.
“When you’re better,” he finally said.
His ability to resist me was so not flattering.
“I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I caused you any more harm,” he added, and I lost my ire.
His concern for me was beyond flattering.
“Look, I have to help you guys in some way, King Cole.” The moment the nickname left my lips, I knew I’d made a mistake. He’d embrace that one a little too tightly. “Doing nothing is destroying me.”
He pushed out a heavy breath. “All right. Okay. You can come to the gym tomorrow morning. We’ll see how you handle things.”
I kissed his jaw, the shadow-beard he sported tickling my lips. “I think it’s cute that you thought I was asking for permission.”
“Thank you, Cole,” he grumbled. He cupped the back of my neck, tilting my head. My gaze met his. “I just want to take care of you.”
“You will...just as long as you keep your swords to yourself.”
His eyes darkened. “That’s not funny.”
“What? Too soon? My near-death experience and your part in it aren’t something we can joke about yet?”
“Probably not ever.”
I nipped playfully at his chin. “Okay.” Taking mercy on him, I changed the subject. “Will you finally tell me what’s been going on these past few weeks?” Boss’s orders. Business wasn’t to be discussed. “As you can see, if it’s bad news, I can take it.”
“Yeah. All right,” he replied, his relief obvious. “To start, Kat and Frosty broke up again.”
I made a mental note to contact her first thing in the morning.
“Also, Justin’s sister is missing.”
Justin Silverstone used to be a slayer. Then his twin sister, Jaclyn, had convinced him to switch sides and join Anima Industries; the Hazmats, we called them. They wanted to preserve the zombies for testing and studying and planned to one day use them as weapons, uncaring about the innocent lives that were lost along the way.
“She probably ran off, afraid we’d come after her,” I said. She and her crew had helped bomb my grandparents’ home. I owed her.
Cole nodded. “Then there’s my search. We need more slayers. I know there are kids out there as confused as you used to be, unsure why they see monsters no one else can see, and they have no idea what to do about it.”
“Any possibles?”
“Not yet. But two slayers from Georgia came to help us out until we’ve rebuilt our team.”
For a while, I’d thought the zombie problem existed only in my home state of Alabama. I’d since learned differently. There were zombies all over the world. Slayers, too.
“You should have shared this info long before now. You are such a pain, Coleslaw,” I said. Better, but that nickname wasn’t the winner, either.
“I know, but I’m your pain.”
And just like that, my irritation drained away. How did he do it?
“Does Mr. Ankh know you’re here?” Since my grandfather had died and my grandparents’ house had been torched, Nana and I had moved in with Mr. Ankh and his daughter, Reeve.
Mr. Ankh—Dr. Ankh to everyone outside his circle of trust—knew about the zombies and did all the medical work on the slayers. Reeve had no idea what was going on, and we were supposed to keep her in the dark. Or else. Her father wanted her to have as normal a life as possible.
What was normal, exactly?
“I gave Ankh’s security the finger,” Cole said with a twinge of pride. “He would feel the need to tell your grandmother, and I don’t want to be kicked out and have to sneak back in. I just want to be with you.”
“So you’re planning to stay here all night and hold me, Coley Guacamole?” Ugh. I shouldn’t have gone there. That one reeked.
He barked out a laugh. “I liked King Cole better.”
“That’s not actually a surprise.”
“It just fits me so well.”
“I’m sure you think so.” I gave a gentle tug on his nipple ring.
“I doubt I’m the only one. And yes, I’m staying.” He curled his fingers over mine, pried my grip loose and brought my knuckles to his mouth for a kiss. A second later, there was a flash of panic in his eyes. One I didn’t understand and must have misread. Because he said, “Just so you know, you can call me anything you want—just as long as you always call me.”
Chapter 2
On Your Mark...Get Set...STOP!
I woke up alone, drenched in sweat and gasping for breath, another dream of the accident hovering at the back of my mind. I’d seen my mother reaching for me. Felt the unusual heat of her touch. Heard her yell at me. Then I’d watched as the zombies finished eating my dad, glided to our car and jerked her out, ready for dessert.
She’d fought against their hold, her expression panicked. She’d called my name again. “Alice! Alice!”
I’d struggled to reach her, begging the creatures not to hurt her.
Then nothing.
Now I wanted to cry.
Why was I seeing this? It hadn’t happened. Not really.
Had it?
Had I woken up in the car and just didn’t remember? Could this be my mind’s way of reminding me?
Mom had ended up outside, next to my dad, even though she’d been in the car when I’d lost consciousness.
“Cole,” I said, patting the space next to me. I needed his arms around me, strong and sure. He would comfort me, whatever the answers.
The mattress was disappointingly cold. He was gone.
I thought...yeah, I remembered hearing him speak to me before he’d taken off.
“I’m supposed to believe you? Just like that,” he’d said, his tone angry.
No, he hadn’t been speaking to me. There’d been a tense pause before he’d snapped, “Stop calling me, Justin. I told you a long time ago I’m done with you. There’s nothing you can do or say to change that.” Another crackling pause. “No, I don’t want to hear the info you’ve got.”
I knew of only one Justin. Either Cole had been on the phone with a boy he’d sworn never to speak with again, or my mind had played tricks on me. Right now I wasn’t exactly in a mind-trusting mood.
Gingerly I sat up to gaze around the room. Bright sunlight slanted through the window. The ice-blue comforter draping the four-poster bed was wrinkled, and one of the pillows was stained with flecks of black from Cole’s face paint. Oops. I’d have to clean that off before I left.
His weapons were no longer piled on the floor, and neither were his clothes. In fact, the only other sign that he’d been here was the note on my nightstand.

I’m at the gym. Call me and I’ll come for you. X C

Humming with sudden happiness, I brushed my teeth, showered and dressed in my winter workout clothes. I dialed his cell, and...went straight to voice mail.
“I’m awake and ready,” I said. “You can come get me anytime.” I didn’t have a car. Or a license. Only a permit. If I didn’t hear from him soon, I’d walk. The gym was at a barn a few miles away. “I hope you’re prepared to have your butt handed to you.”
When I hung up, I noticed there were eleven texts waiting for me. All from my best friend, Kat. I grinned as I read.
One: Frosty SUCKS!
Two: Have I mentioned Frosty sucks it raw??
Three: How do U feel about murder? 4 or against?? Before U answer, know that I have good reason!
Four: If 4, do U know good place 2 hide body??
The rest described the many ways she’d like to kill him. My favorite involved a bag of Skittles and a silk scarf.
Mmm. Skittles.
My stomach rumbled, and I set my phone on the nightstand. I’d call Kat after breakfast, when she was more likely to be awake and I was more likely to be lucid, and find out what happened. There was a good chance Frosty had simply failed to call her after the fight last night, and she’d worried. I wasn’t sure how to comfort her about that. She’d made it clear the zombies weren’t a topic of conversation she welcomed.
First, though, I cleaned every inch of my room. I refused to let Mr. Ankh’s housekeeper do it for me. I wasn’t a sponge and wasn’t going to take anything for granted. I was determined to give back, somehow. Thankfully, water and hand soap removed the paint from the pillow.
“Alice.”
Emma’s voice.
I turned, and oh, glory, there she was. My eight-year-old sister. Her spirit anyway. What she’d taught me: death is never the end. “You’re here,” I said, my heart soaring. She’d visited me before, but every time felt like the first time—shocking and unreal.
She smiled at me, and I wanted so badly to hug her close and never let go. “I only have a moment.”
She wore the clothes she’d died in: a pink leotard and tutu. The dark hair she’d inherited from our mother was pulled into two pigtails, swinging over her delicate shoulders. Golden eyes that had always watched me with adoration were bright.
She’d once told me she wasn’t a ghost, but a witness. Ghosts—not that they existed—were spirits of the dead that retained their memories and haunted. A myth probably born from zombie sightings. Witnesses were spirits that aided.
“I wanted to warn you that you’ll be seeing less of me,” she said, the smile slipping. “Visiting you is becoming more difficult. But. If you call for me, I will find a way to reach you.”
“More difficult how?” I asked, concerned for her.
“My tie to this world is fading.”
Oh.
I knew what that meant. One day I was going to lose her for good.
“Don’t be sad,” she said. “I hate when you’re sad.”
I forced my features to brighten. “No matter what, I’ll know you’re out there, watching over me. There’s no reason to be sad.”
“Exactly.” Beaming, she blew me a kiss. “I love you. And seriously, don’t forget to call for me if you need me.” Then she was gone.
My features fell and, I was sure, dimmed. I could have curled into a ball and cried, but I refused to let myself worry about any tomorrows without her. I’d deal with her loss when it came.
Pulling my hair into a ponytail, I headed to the kitchen. I expected to find the housekeeper. Instead I found Reeve, Nana and Kat seated at the table, sipping from steaming mugs of coffee.
“—something’s going on,” Reeve was saying, twining a lock of dark hair around her finger. “Dad put more security cameras in both the front and backyard—and we already had a thousand to begin with! Worse, he’s put up so many lamps, my blackout curtains are no longer able to do their job.”
Nana and Kat shifted uncomfortably.
“Has he said anything to either of you?”
“Well...” Nana hedged. She moved her gaze through the room, as if hoping a distraction would present itself.
One did.
“Ali! You’re out of bed a week early.” Her chair skidded behind her as she stood. She closed the distance between us and drew me in for a hug. “I’m not sure I approve.”
Kat buffed her nails and smiled, not looking at all like a girl on the verge of committing a violent crime. She did look tired, though. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her cheeks were hollowed, as if she hadn’t eaten in days. “I would have been up two weeks early, but we can’t all have my amazing bounce-back, can we?”
I kissed Nana’s cheek and returned Kat’s smile. The girl had a healthy (and justifiable) ego and wasn’t afraid to show it. Me? I’d always been the girl with her head ducked as she questioned her worth.
I’d faced death and won, I reminded myself—I should probably get over that.
But...just then, I kind of thought Kat was using her ego as a shield to hide her physical weakness. She suffered from degenerative kidney disease.
“What are you doing here?” I asked her. “Not that I’m not thrilled to see you. I so am.” More than thrilled, actually. From the very beginning, she’d never cared what I looked like or how socially awkward I could be. She’d just accepted me and rolled. “I thought you preferred to sleep till two on weekends.”
“I came to see you, naughty girl that you are. You never answer your phone or respond to my mind-blowing texts anymore. My plan was to lecture you until you promised to have your phone surgically attached to your hand, but I decided to have some coffee first.”
Speaking of coffee... “I’ll take that.” I confiscated her mug as I eased into the seat beside her. I wouldn’t allow myself to eat or drink anything from the Ankhs, which made coffee a luxury. But I didn’t mind taking from my best friend.
“Hey!” A second later, she confiscated Reeve’s.
“Hey,” Reeve said, then confiscated Nana’s.
Musical coffees.
Nana shook her head, but I could see the gleam of amusement in her eyes.
“No need for a lecture,” I said to Kat, flattening my hand on my side. “There’ll be no more surgeries for me.”
Her features softened. “My poor, sweet Ali.”
“I don’t understand how you fell down our stairs and received such a life-threatening injury,” Reeve said. “You’re not the clumsy type, and there’s nothing sharp on the railing or the floor.”
“Of course she’s clumsy,” Kat exclaimed, covering for me as I stuttered for some type of response. “Ali could get tangled up in a cordless phone.”
I nodded and tried not to look miserable—the claim was only a lie if I failed to believe it. Maybe I was clumsy. Once, I’d stepped into Cole’s ankle trap and dangled upside down from a tree. Another time, he’d been teaching me how to work a sword and I’d nearly removed his head.
So...yeah.
“Anyway,” Kat said, quickly changing the subject, “I’m sure everyone will be pleased to know we won the football game last night.”
“Go, Tigers!” we said in unison, and burst into peals of laughter.
An alarm sounded from Reeve’s phone. “Crap!” She jumped up. “Sorry, guys, but I’ve got plans for Halloween and they actually start this morning. See ya!” She raced out of the kitchen.
Nana stood. “I’ve got to go, too. I want to lecture that girl’s father about the importance of being well informed. Oh, and, Ali, Cole called me a little while ago and told me you were in need of a costume, but that you’d be too busy training to shop. I thought he was kidding, like some kind of Halloween joke I just didn’t understand, since only yesterday he’d been so adamant about you staying in bed. But if he thinks you’re ready, you’re ready—and I won’t ask how he reached that conclusion.”
Please don’t!
And Cole had actually called Nana? “That’s sweet of you, but I don’t want us to spend money on an article of clothing I’ll only wear once. I can make something I already own work.”
Smiling, she patted my hand. “Darling, we’re not destitute. We have the insurance settlement.”
“But we are saving for a house of our own.” There were conditions for living here, and with conditions came an expiration date. I wanted Nana taken care of for the rest of her life, no surprises. In fact, I should probably find a job...though that might prove impossible, considering I would need to take time off for school and slaying.
No. There had to be a way.
“I’m getting you a costume, young lady, and that’s final. I’m looking forward to this.”
I sighed. “All right, but something from the thrift store will work just fine.”
She kissed the top of my head and followed the same path Reeve had taken. Without agreeing, I realized too late.
My phone vibrated, and I checked the screen.
Cole McHottie (as Kat had dubbed him): I can’t leave the gym 2 get U, Ali-gator, I’m sorry. But we R still on 4 2nite. I miss U
I wondered what had happened to keep him trapped at the gym.
Disappointed, I looked to Kat.
“So, where are you and Cole going?” she asked.
“Hearts, I’m sure.” It was the only nightclub the slayers frequented. “Now, about your phone calls and texts. I wasn’t ignoring you, I promise. It’s just strange, knowing you now know what I know, yet trying to buffer you from the worst of the details.”
“It’s not strange. It’s terrible! I hate knowing, but I’ve decided to girl up and finally discuss the...you-knows from now on. And just so we’re clear, girling up is far better than manning up.”
“Good. About the you-knows.” Knowledge was power, and I wanted her safe. Always.
The housekeeper bustled into the kitchen, spotted me, and asked if she could fix me something to eat. I declined, and she loaded a tray with croissants and cappuccino to take to Mr. Ankh. The fragrance of yeast and sugar mingled, filling the room and making my mouth water.
The moment she was gone, I hopped up to wipe the crumbs from the counter. Then I grabbed the bag of bagels I’d bought with my allowance and offered one to Kat.
She shook her head. “So...I’m sure you surmised from my oh so subtle texts that Frosty and I are over. Or is it Frosty and me? I always forget. Anyway, it’s for reals this time.”
“What happened?” I devoured the bagel in record time, and though I craved a second one so bad, I resisted. The longer these lasted, the fewer I would have to buy, and the less I’d have to spend.
“Last night,” she said, looking miserable, “I wasn’t feeling well—not that Frosty knew that part. I asked him to stay with me, and he refused.”
“When the you-knows are out, he has to fight. We all do, if we’re well. It’s our duty.” Our privilege.
“A night off wouldn’t have killed him,” she grumbled.
“But it might have killed his friends. They need all the backup they can get.”
She frowned at me. “Do you have to be so reasonable, tossing out such intelligent responses?”
“I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better.”
“Thank you.”
I studied her. She was such a beautiful girl. Petite, but curvy. Fragile, yet resilient. Her mom had suffered with the same kidney disease most of her too-short life. Kat was militant about keeping her declining health from Frosty and the boys, and so far she’d succeeded.
She lived for the moment. She never held back—in words or in action. She had no desire to fade from the world, but wanted to make an impact, a difference, and go out swinging. I could help her with that.
“How would you feel about learning to defend yourself against the you-knows?” I asked. My dad had trained me to fight them before I’d possessed the ability to see them, and that training had been invaluable when my circumstances changed. Maybe Kat would see the zombies one day. Maybe she wouldn’t. Either way, I could equip her to make smarter choices.
“I’d feel...great. I think.”
“That’s good enough for me. Cole has a gym, and it’s loaded with all the equipment we’ll need. I can show you how to shoot a gun and use a bow and arrow.”
She waved a hand through the air, probably trying for dismissive, but I saw the gleam of fear behind the action. “No need for that part of the training.”
“You’ve used both weapons before?”
“No, but the unaimed weapon never misses. I’d rather stick with that method.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Will Frosty be there?” She nibbled on her bottom lip as she waited for my answer.
“Maybe.”
I couldn’t tell whether that pleased her or upset her; the chewing never stopped. “Well, today’s, like, the biggest holiday of the year, so I’ll pencil you in for noon sharp tomorrow. Or maybe sometime next week would be best. Yes. Definitely next week.”
“Nope. You’ll pencil me in for now and tomorrow and next week. I’m not letting you put this off. We’re going to turn you into a rabid, frothing-at-the-mouth fighting machine. You’ll be so hard-core, you’ll be able to knock Frosty on his butt as easily as breathing.”
A scary kind of anticipation lit her features. “Okay, I’m in. But only because I know I’ll look good with biceps. True story.” She drained what remained of her coffee and slammed the mug onto the table. “Let’s go before I change my mind.”
I left my grandmother a note, telling her not to expect me back until after lunch and that I loved her. I thought about texting Cole, but quickly discarded the idea. I’d surprise him.
“You want to drive?” Kat asked as I made a beeline for the passenger side of her Mustang. “You have a permit.”
Acid burned a path up my throat. “No thanks. You’re not old enough to be my escort or whatever.”
“But you need the practice.”
“Another day,” I hedged.
“That’s what I said about training, and you shot me down.”
“Do you want to reach the gym in fifteen minutes or fifteen hours?” I asked. If I had to pick between driving and bathing in manure, I’d pick the manure. Every time. “You know how slow I go.”
“True.” She settled behind the wheel.
“Did Frosty ever take you to Cole’s gym? Not the one in his garage, but the gym several miles from his house?” The seat belt rubbed against my wound, and I shifted uncomfortably.
“Nope. According to Frosty, the high and mighty workout station for stallions—his words, not mine—is off-limits to nonslayers.”
Not any longer. I gave her the address without a qualm. The boys had brought Kat into this treacherous world of secrets, and they could deal with the consequences.
As we soared down the highway, I checked the sky for the rabbit-shaped cloud Emma used to warn me about coming zombie attacks. Today, there wasn’t one, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
Kat swerved to avoid hitting another car, and I yelped.
“Is my driving making you nervous?” she asked. “I mean, you’re supertense. Which is silly, considering the fact that I’ve only been in, like, three wrecks since you were confined to a bed, and, when you think about it, none of them were my fault. I mean, sure, I was in the wrong lane, texting, but the other drivers had plenty of time to move out of my way.”
How was she still alive? “Mad Dog, you are the best worst driver I know.”
She preened. “That might be the sweetest compliment anyone’s ever given me. Thank you.”
A car honked as she swerved across four lanes to exit the highway, and she seemed utterly oblivious. “So, you and Cole are at the stage where he’s comfortable enough to call your Nana, huh?”
“I know. It’s kind of weird, right, and...” Wait. I knew Cole. He’d always been a guy with a plan. A purpose. He never did anything without a rock-solid reason. But what reason could he possibly have had to—
The answer slammed into me, and I nearly liquefied in my seat. I’d lost my family, and this was my first Halloween without them. He was trying to reduce the number of memories I’d have to battle.
He didn’t know that I’d never before celebrated Halloween. My dad hadn’t allowed us to leave the house at night, so there had been no reason to buy a costume, and opening the door to strangers to pass out candy had been just as big a no-no.
“Yeah,” I said to Kat, wishing I could crawl into Cole’s arms and never leave. “We are.”
“You’re so lucky. My dad has never been a Frosty fan. I’m pretty sure he’s only ever threatened to castrate the boy.”
Had to be those serial-killer eyes. Sometimes, when Frosty looked at you, you just expected to die horribly. “Your dad still lets you guys date, though.”
“Yeah, and he always will. When I was first diagnosed with defunct kidneys, he promised to let me make my own decisions and live my life the way I wanted.”
Good man. “So, what have you decided to do tonight?”
“The same thing you are. And I didn’t mention it before now because I didn’t want you drowning in jealousy knowing I was out having the best time ever while you were still languishing in your sickbed.” She gripped the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles bleached of color. “I’m trying not to be nervous. I mean, I know all the slayers will be there, but the night will be filled with all kinds of creepers, so how will I know who’s dangerous and who’s not?”
“You aren’t able to see real zombies,” I reminded her.
“That doesn’t mean they aren’t there. First, I told Frosty no, but then he said, ‘Would I ever put you at risk, woman?’ And I said, ‘How would I know? You’ve been living a double life since we started dating.’ And he said, ‘You want me to apologize again, don’t you?’ And I said, ‘Every day for the rest of your life.’ He had the nerve to laugh as if I was joking.”
I smothered a laugh of my own. “So...what’s your costume?”
“A too-sexy-to-handle Little Red Riding Hood.”
“Let me guess. Frosty’s going as the Big Bad Wolf.”
“What else? I have a feeling he thinks it’ll be hilarious to snap his teeth at me and say, ‘I’m going to eat you up, my dear.’”
Picturing it, I shook my head. “You’re going to tell him to prove it. Aren’t you?”
“I like that you know me so well.”
She turned onto a winding gravel road nestled between rows of trees in the process of shedding their fall coats. When the trees finally gave way to fields of wheat, Cole’s “workout station for stallions” became visible—a big red barn that looked ready to topple over. Actually, the thing could withstand a military invasion.
“This place is in the middle of nowhere,” Kat remarked as she eased to a stop.
“For many reasons.” Slayers coming at all hours of the day and night. The sheer number of weapons kept here. The condition we sometimes left in.
There were more cars than usual in the driveway. I frowned as I stepped into the coolness of the day. Grunts, groans and even cheers seeped from the crack in the door. “Come on.” I quickened my pace.
I stopped just inside the entrance and could only gape. I’d assumed Cole, and maybe the überdedicated Frosty and Bronx would be the only guys willing to forgo a countrywide day off.
Kat bumped into me and froze. “Oh, spank me,” she whispered, her tone reverent.
Here they were, all of the slayers in all their glory. There was enough testosterone in the air to jump-start the deadest of hearts. Most of the boys were shirtless, displaying bronzed muscles honed from more than just weights—honed from hacking at the enemy. I saw wicked scars, sexy tattoos and piercings, and even a few house-arrest anklets.
The blond and scarily beautiful Frosty pounded his fists into a poor, defenseless punching bag. The rough-and-tumble Bronx held the thing in place, his feet planted firmly on the floor. There was no force on earth that could move him, even one as violent as Frosty. Collins ran on a treadmill, and Cruz lifted weights.
And Cole, well, he was in the boxing ring with a girl I didn’t recognize.
There was an unfamiliar boy standing at the side, watching the pair. The only other females in the room were Mackenzie—Cole’s very feral ex—and Trina, a girl Kat had yet to forgive for not having a summer fling with Frosty.
Don’t ask.
Trina waved at me, and I waved back, but my attention quickly returned to Cole. He swung lightheartedly at the unknown girl, and she ducked before straightening and swinging at him. He ducked, too, and when she swung again, he caught her fist and jerked her against the hard line of his body, effectively disabling her.
She grinned up at him, all cocky assurance and feminine wiles—and she stayed right where she was, clearly happy to be there. A boy with a girlfriend should have released her and stepped back. Although Cole stiffened, the gleam in his eyes turning granite-hard, he remained just as he was, returning her grin with one of his own.
I wasn’t sure what any of that meant. I only knew I didn’t like it.
Time for Pep Talk Ali. He’s trained other girls. He’s even smiled at other girls. This isn’t romantic. This isn’t sexual.
Of course, Downer Ali wasn’t fully convinced (yes, there are many sides to me). He didn’t pick you up because he didn’t want to leave this girl’s side.
I shook my head. He was mine, my toy, and I wouldn’t share.
But what if he wanted me to share him?
No! Stupid insecurity. Cole wasn’t like that.
“Kitten,” Frosty called, sounding more than a little surprised. “How’d you find me?”
Kat lifted her chin, the picture of female pique. “Don’t flatter yourself. I’m not here for you. But just so you know, I used my phenomenal detective skills, coupled with Ali’s mediocre directions. No offense,” she said to me.
“None taken.” Mediocre was actually better than I deserved.
“Don’t be that way, baby,” he replied, unwinding the tape from his fists. “You know I would have given you a ride on the Frosty Express. You just had to ask.”
Bronx rolled his eyes. Several of the other guys groaned.
Cole’s attention arrowed in my direction. Our gazes locked, and guilt filled those violet irises.
Guilt? Why guilt? Whatever the answer, it couldn’t be good.
I will not stomp into that ring.
I will not pull the pair apart.
I will not beat them both into pulp.
He set the girl away from him. Once again I found myself waiting and hoping for a vision. I was back on my feet. Things should go back to normal. But a moment passed, then another.
Normal remained at bay.
A dash of dread joined a pinch of jealousy, a recipe for trouble.
The new guy whistled under his breath, and my attention shifted to him. Our gazes collided. A second later, the world washed away, just as I’d wanted it to do with Cole—
—we were in my bedroom, standing beside my bed. No, we were lying on my bed. I’d just pushed him down. I tilted his head with one hand and pulled at his clothes with the other. Then I licked my way down his throat. I was making strange little growling noises, as if I’d never enjoyed a taste so much and had to have more—
“—Ali!” Cole shouted.
I blinked, and the vision evaporated.
Cole appeared, his features tense. “What just happened?”
“Dude,” Frosty said to the new guy. “Your brain just checked out for a bit. I haven’t seen anything like that since Cole first met Al—and uh, yeah, never mind.”
New Guy stared at me, looking suspicious and angry.
I stumbled back a few steps. I couldn’t believe I’d just mind-cheated on Cole. Like, big-time.
“Cole asked a good question,” New Guy croaked. “What just happened?”
So he’d had the vision, too. No. No, no, no. What did that mean? That strong of a connection had never happened with anyone but Cole. Why here? Why now? Why this guy?
“I have a better question,” the new girl said with a sweet Southern drawl. “Will someone please introduce me to the newcomers?”
I had to make sure the vision never came true. It couldn’t come true. It would mean Cole and I were over. It would mean the new life I’d carved for myself had crashed and burned.
A muscle ticked in Cole’s jaw. “Veronica, meet Ali. Ali, Veronica. She’s one of the slayers from Atlanta. Ali’s friend is Kat.”
“My girl,” Frosty added, proudly thumping his chest.
“In your dreams,” Kat replied.
They launched into a heated argument.
“Veronica is another of Cole’s exes,” Mackenzie piped up.
Oh, good glory, no!
“Not just any ex,” Veronica added, offering me a grin as sweet as her voice. “I’m his favorite.”
I stiffened, waiting for Cole to say the words Actually, Ali is my favorite—and she’s not an ex. He didn’t.
“Nice to meet you,” I whispered, fighting panic.
Once I hadn’t thought there was a girl more beautiful than Mackenzie. Now I knew how wrong I’d been. Veronica was. By far. She had perfectly tanned skin, dark glossy hair that was iron-board straight and fell to her shoulders and light green eyes.
Mackenzie had dark hair, though hers was curly, and dark green eyes. Put the three of us side by side, and you wouldn’t have to ask who didn’t belong. I had wavy hair so pale it could have been classified as old-granny white, and eyes so blue they bordered on freaky.
One of Veronica’s perfect brows lifted. “So you’re the infamous Ali Bell, huh? The girl with abilities no one can explain.”
I could see the Blood Lines we poured around our homes, a mix of chemicals the zombies couldn’t bypass. My body sometimes became a living flame, ashing every zombie I touched in seconds, while other slayers could only light their hands and needed several minutes to achieve the same results. I could sometimes see into the future.
I wasn’t sure why I could do these things, or what made me different. My slaying genes were no more special than anyone else’s.
“Yes,” I said. Cole wouldn’t look at me. Why wouldn’t he look at me? “That’s me.”
Veronica’s head tilted to the side as she scrutinized me more intently. “Did you use one of those abilities on my friend?”
I stuttered for a response, but came up empty.
“So what if she did?” Kat called, always my backup. “She’s got the boss man wrapped around her little finger. She can do what she wants, to whomever she wants.”
How much did I love that girl?
Venom leaked into Veronica’s sweetness. “No one wraps Cole Holland around their finger.”
Cole left both comments alone as he hopped out of the ring. “Later, Ronny. Practice without me.”
Ronny? He had an affectionate nickname for Mackenzie, too. Kenze, he sometimes called her. I hated both.
He stalked to an open treadmill, motioned me over and pushed a few buttons. “Before you hit the ring, you need to build your stamina back up. Do not—I repeat—do not overwork yourself.”
I closed the distance between us. “You’re right about the stamina, and I can tell you I have no plans to overwork myself, but first we need to talk.”
Still he refused to look at me. “Clearly, you had a vision with Gavin.”
Gavin. The name of the boy I’d just mind-molested. “Y-yes. But that’s not what I want to talk about. This Veronica girl—”
“What did you see?” he said.
“I, well, uh...” I couldn’t tell him, and I wouldn’t lie. So, where did that leave me? “Does it really matter? It won’t come true.” I wouldn’t let it.
“It matters. It will come true. And we both know it.” Cole walked away without another word—without ever looking back at me.
I watched him until he disappeared inside the locker room, my heart creating a staccato beat in my chest. Veronica—Ronny—followed him. She paused at the door, and she did look back at me.
To smirk.
Chapter 3
Can’t Go Back to Yesterday
While Kat and I had run the treadmills side by side, and I’d tried not to worry about the vision with Gavin and Cole’s behavior before and after, Nana had been out buying me a big, puffy blue gown. Not from the thrift store. The shiny monstrosity had a lacy corset top, stripes on the skirt and a black hat to top things off.
I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be—other than a Southern belle magician on crack.
Normally, I wouldn’t leave the house at night wearing anything with colors. And never anything this fantastical. I liked to blend with the shadows. Needed to. Tonight, however, I was making an exception.
I wanted Cole to see me in something other than the tee and shorts I’d sported the past few weeks, and the workout clothes from this morning. I wanted his eyes to light up, and for him to spend the night complimenting me, unable to keep his hands off me. We’d dance. We’d laugh. He’d kiss me. I’d kick myself for worrying about him and Veronica-slash-Ronny.
We weren’t allowed to fight tonight, but I wrapped a utility belt around my thigh anyway, my daggers hanging from the attached sheaths. I never left home without them.
I wondered what costume Cole would be wearing. He hadn’t said. Well, other than the naughty nurse, but I knew that had been a joke.
I stepped into the dress, hooked everything together and studied myself in the mirror. Not bad. Quite fancy. I wished my parents were here to see me. They’d—
I cut off that thought before it could fully form. I’d cry.
Something warm and wet trickled down my cheek. Great. I was already crying.
My cell phone chirped, signaling a text had just come in. I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand.
Cole McHottie: Sorry, Ali, but making plans w/U was a mistake. I need a break. Stay in & we’ll talk 2morrow
I had to read the words three times before reality set in. He needed a freaking break? Seriously?
From what? I wanted to scream. And what, exactly did “need a break” mean?
My anger and disappointment were as sharp as a blade.
Me: WHY? What’s going on w/you? Respect me enough 2 talk 2 me! Apparently that’s how relationships WORK.
A minute passed. Two, three. He didn’t respond.
I threw my phone across the room, and then had to rush over to make sure I hadn’t cracked the screen.
What the heck was he planning to do on this “break”?
And whom was he going to do it with?
This can’t be happening.
My cell phone chirped. Heart racing, I checked the screen.
Mad Dog: Where are U?
Me, pressing the keys a little too forcefully: Home.
Mad Dog: U ditched Cole??
Me: No. He ditched me.
Mad Dog: UH, HE’S HERE. Just walked in.
Wait, wait, wait. He’d meant he needed a break from me?
Yeah. He must have. He had to know Kat would contact me. He had to know I would find out he’d gone to Hearts without me.
He just didn’t care.
I trembled as I typed What’s he doing?
Mad Dog: He’s talking w/Lucas, Veronica & that hobag Trina & get this: he’s wearing a costume that says he’s a bad mofo—meaning, he’s not in costume.
Veronica again.
Me, grinding my teeth: He told me he needed a break from me.
Mad Dog: WHAT? Oh, I’ll give him a break—in both of his legs!! 1st, of course, I’ll spy.
For the next hour, I received nearly fifty texts from Kat.

He’s talking w/Frosty now.

Just came out of shadows w/Justin S—what’s up w/THAT?? Altho, he just had Frosty kick JS out of club & it wasn’t pretty (4 JS).

Just rubbed his knuckles in2 Veronica’s hair. She laughed, & I almost punched her teeth down her throat (don’t 4get my fighting lesson 2morrow!).

Handed hobag Trina a drink.

Handed Lucas a drink.

Talking heatedly w/Gavin.

Walking away from Gavin (I hate the C-man right now, I really do, but he sure does have a nice butt).

Telling me 2 stop following him.

Telling me he knows what I’m doing & getting ticked when I ignore him.

Walking away as I flip him off.

Telling Frosty 2 control me (like that’s really possible).

Becoming more agitated by the second, I stomped downstairs. I trusted Cole; sometimes I trusted him more than I trusted myself. But that didn’t mean I was going to stay here and let him take a “break” without talking to me about it.
Nana was at the front door, handing out the last of the candy to a ghost, a cowboy and a Smurf.
“Nana,” I said as soon as the door was shut. “This is probably the first time in history a teenage girl will pose this question to her grandmother, but, will you drive me to a nightclub? Cole’s there,” I rushed to assure her. “And Frosty and Kat.”
She frowned at me. “I thought Cole was picking you up.”
“I thought so, too,” I said a little bitterly.
“What about the—” her voice lowered to a frightened whisper “—the creatures?”
“You don’t have to worry. To my knowledge, they aren’t out tonight. And even if they do make an appearance, your car is protected with a Blood Line. They can’t get to you.”
Her smile was sad and affectionate at the same time. “I wasn’t worried about me, dear, but my inability to help you.”
Oh. “Nana, it’s my job to protect you.”
The sadness drained from her, leaving only the affection. “No, that’s not how things are supposed to be, but we won’t get into that tonight. Will there be drinking at this club?”
I wouldn’t lie to her. “Yes, but I won’t be doing any and neither will Cole.” Alcohol impaired judgment, and he took his responsibilities as leader seriously. Me? I’d watched alcoholism destroy my dad and was determined to avoid a similar fate.
“Well, I did buy you that...” She motioned to my dress.
What adjective was she looking for? Ginormous? Unforgettable? Behemoth?
“...unique costume,” she finished, “and I want you to be able to show it off. You look so beautiful.”
“Thank you. But, uh, what am I supposed to be, exactly?”
“Alice in Wonderland, silly. And you’re supposed to give the hat to Cole so he can be your Mad Hatter.”
“So you’ll take me?”
She sighed, nodded. “I’ll take you.”
I threw my arms around her. “Thank you, thank you, and thousand times thank you!”
Fifteen minutes later, I was stepping out of her car, and she was driving away. I approached the club’s entrance and gave the guards at the door Cole’s name. They let me inside without a hitch—if you didn’t count the people in line desperate to get in, complaining about my lack of wait.
Multicolored strobe lights flashed, and smoke wafted through the air. There were people everywhere, each in costume. For the girls, there was clearly a theme: slutty. A slutty devil. A slutty fairy. A slutty witch. I felt seriously overdressed. For the guys, there was no rhyme or reason. A shirt made out of cardboard. A toga with pictures of grinning waffles. Clown trousers paired with riding boats. Loud music blared, fueling the frantic motions of the dancers. I navigated up the stairs to the VIP lounge, the width of my skirt only tripping three people. I considered the low number of casualties a major win.
I scanned the top floor and saw all the faces I’d seen at the gym, plus a few extras.
Where was Cole?
Mackenzie Love caught my eye. Wearing a skimpy black dress with colorful peacock feathers stretching over her shoulders, she strutted over. “Well, well. Ali Bell. I’d like to tell you how awesome you look, and if I can figure out a way to sound sincere, I will. What is that thing?”
My cheeks flashed white-hot with embarrassment. “You can’t guess?” I asked, using a scathing tone that suggested she was an idiot. “Wow. How sad for you.”
She paled and stomped away.
“New drinking game, everyone,” the new guy, Gavin, called. Blond and handsome—and dressed as a pimp—he was surrounded by a bevy of hot brunette vampires. “Anytime someone speaks, down a shot!”
Cheers abounded.
“And meanwhile, if anyone wants a free make-out session,” one of the vampires shouted, “I’m giving them away.”
More cheers as a laughing Gavin kissed her.
Then he kissed the girl next to her. He used tongue with both.
I watched, reeling. For once, a vision just had to be wrong. There was no way I’d be into a guy like him. He was beautiful, yes. I’d give him that. But no. Just no.
“Ali!” Kat rushed over and threw her arms around me. She had to be the cutest Little Red Riding Hood I’d ever seen. Her barely there dress was red, black and white, and hugged all of her curves. The tulle skirt flared at the waist and stopped a few inches below her panty line. Long white socks stretched to her knees. “You made it!”
Before I could respond, Cole stalked past us, grabbed my hand and tugged me away from her.
I tossed her a he’s-going-to-get-it-now glance. She gave me a thumbs-up before Cole pulled me into a shadowed corner, and I lost sight of her. He crowded me against the wall, his arms at my temples, caging me in. His heat and scent surrounded me, drugged me.
Oh, no. I wasn’t going to melt this time.
“What are you doing here?” he demanded.
How dare he use that tone with me? “I am so mad at you,” I said, beating at his chest.
His aggressive stance softened in the slightest degree. “I know. And you have every right to be.”
“You ditched me. You want a break from me.”
“Yes. No.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Not from you. You don’t understand.”
“Of course I don’t! Moron! You haven’t explained it to me. You ignored my text.”
He glared at me, his anger heating back up. “I wanted to be with you, I did, but I couldn’t not come here since I’m the D.D.”
“And you couldn’t bring me with you? Because, and I quote, making plans with me was a mistake?”
“It was. I don’t want you here because I know...”
“What?” I demanded when he paused. I hit him again.
“Gavin is here, all right?” He flashed his teeth in a scowl. “I don’t want you around him, okay? Get it now? I need a break from the jealousy. As long as you’re near him, I can’t get past it.”
How could I want to slap him and kiss him at the same time?
But then, I already knew the answer. I’d been battling the green-eyed monster, too. “I promise you have no reason to be jealous.”
His shoulders drooped. “I know that, in theory, and I’m sorry for the way I’ve acted. I’ve never felt this way, and I’m not handling it well. If you have another vision with him...”
I slid my hands to the nape of his neck and toyed with the ends of his hair. “It wouldn’t make a difference. My feelings won’t change. But I guess we need to talk about what I saw, even though I’d rather forget it.”
“It’s bad, isn’t it?” he croaked.
I nodded, suddenly unable to speak.
“Then I’m not ready.”
He faced monsters on a daily basis, but this was too much for him? Oh, Cole. What am I going to do with you? “Will you trust me, then? Trust my feelings for you?”
A moment passed before he nodded. It was a stiff acceptance, but an acceptance all the same.
I smiled at him.
He smiled back. His gaze raked over me, and his eyelids became heavy, staying at half-mast. “You look edible, by the way. You have no idea how badly I want under that skirt.” His voice dipped huskily as he added, “I wish I had time to prove it.”
Oh.
My.
“Nana said the hat is for you. I’m Alice in Wonderland, and you’re the Mad Hatter.”
With a laugh, he took the hat and settled it on his head.
“So, what are you doing that you don’t have time to try and get under my skirt?” I moved my palms to measure the heavy beat of his heart.
His features closed up shop, displaying zero emotion. “You will just have to trust me.”
A thousand questions sprang to instant life. I ignored them all. As his tone implied, I couldn’t ask him to trust me about the vision if I couldn’t extend him the same courtesy about this. Whatever “this” was. Besides, he could have lied and made up an excuse for his behavior. He hadn’t. He wasn’t that kind of guy. He gave truth, or he gave nothing. I’d always liked that about him.
“Do you have a few minutes to spare?” I asked softly.
He fisted two handfuls of my hair, his grip hard and unyielding, holding me still for his perusal. “For you?” The panic I’d noticed last night returned for one second, two, before he gave me the softest of kisses and whispered, “Anything.”
“Yo, Cole,” a voice said. A head peeked around the corner. “I’m taking off with Kira and Jane and—”
I turned to look, and my gaze locked with Gavin’s.
The world disappeared. Cole disappeared—
—there was only here, now, and Gavin, and we were back inside my bedroom, on my bed, my body on top of his. One of his hands was in my hair. The other was sliding down my back to cup my bottom and urge me to grind against him, hard...harder—
—a low snarl snapped me back to the present. To Cole.
The growl had come from him.
“Yeah, uh, I’ll just be going,” Gavin said, and beat feet.
Cole and I stayed where we were for a long moment, silent.
“What I saw with him...” I began, fighting for calm. I’d said it wouldn’t make a difference, and now had to pray I was right. “It was the first vision all over again.” Only a bit more vivid.
“Don’t tell me,” he lashed out. “Not tonight.”
“Cole—”
“Not tonight, Ali. Please.” With that, he walked away from me for the second time that day.
He watched me from afar the rest of the night, but at least he continued to wear the hat.
* * *
As the days wore on, I had to admit my relationship with Cole was unraveling.
Every day he grew a little more distant with me. Anytime I tried to talk to him about Gavin and the vision, he would shut me down, saying, “I can’t do this right now.”
I was trying to trust him like he’d asked. I really was. But the hot-and-cold treatment was wearing me down. Even though he’d always been lavish with his praise of me, I hadn’t spent the past few weeks mutating into a secure person. Especially with matters of the heart.
Should I call him again?
What was considered good girlfriend behavior? What delved into Stalkerville?
I knew something other than the vision was bugging him. The few times I’d seen him, his features had been withdrawn and pinched. And what had the panic been about? But again, when I tried to talk to him about it, he shut me down and walked away.
I wasn’t sure how much longer I could wait for an explanation about his odd behavior without banging on my chest like a gorilla and screaming.
Eventually, he stopped returning my calls. His replies to my texts were short and abrupt—if he bothered to reply at all. He stopped coming by Mr. Ankh’s, and he stopped working out at his own gym.
Maybe Gavin had told him about the vision, and he’d decided to wash his hands of me?
Oh, good glory. No! I bet that was it, though. Dang it! The admission should have come from me. I should have grown a pair of lady balls and forced Cole to listen to me. Then I could have assured him I would rather die than allow my lips to touch any part of that he-slut’s body.
I hadn’t seen the Georgian slayer since Halloween, and I had no idea what would happen the next time we locked eyes. Part of me didn’t want to know. Part of me needed to know. If nothing happened, I could assure Cole wires had somehow gotten crossed—twice, yes—and I was meant to lick and grind on him.
What should I do next?
I couldn’t talk to Kat about this. She had her own problems, and I wouldn’t add to them.
I couldn’t talk to Reeve. I couldn’t risk a slipup.
I couldn’t talk to Nana. She’d just lost her husband.
I couldn’t even talk to Emma. To her, kissing was gross.
I missed the days when I’d thought the same. I was alone in this.
A bell rang, loud and shrill, signaling the end of class. I stood on shaky legs and gathered my notebook and pencil. Earlier today I’d met the new principal of Asher High, an older black man with kind eyes—a nice change considering the last one had been the queen of ice-cold hearts. I’d turned in all the work the teachers had sent to my sickbed. I was finally caught up.
“Glad to have you back and dominating my assignments, Ali Bell,” called Ms. Meyers as I strode from the room.
That was right. In my turmoil over Cole, I’d lost my excitement for my grade. I palmed my cell and texted Nana.
Got an A on my Creative Writing paper! I’d been working on my own at home, and it was nice to know the time and attention I’d put into everything had paid off.
A few seconds later, her reply came in. WTF an A!
I blinked, sure I was misreading. But no, the letters didn’t change.
Me: Nana, do U know what WTF means??
Her: Of course, silly. It means “well, that’s fantastic.”
I swallowed a laugh. I luv U!
Her: Love you, too! Now get back to work.
I stuffed my things in my locker and made my way to the cafeteria. Along the way I ran into Mackenzie. I was as happy to see her now as I’d been at the club but still grabbed her by the arm to stop her.
She looked at my fingers, curled her red lips in distaste and jerked away. But she didn’t walk off, as per usual, and I was grateful.
“What do you want?” she snapped.
Such a sweet, sweet girl. “Where’s Cole?”
“What am I? His keeper?”
“Just tell me where he is,” I gritted.
“He’s gone.”
“What do you mean gone?” He’d left without saying goodbye? Again?
“Is there more than one meaning for the word?”
Don’t punch her. You can’t afford a suspension. “What’s the deal with Veronica? She and Cole are on such great terms, I’m curious about how long they’ve known each other.” I should be discussing this with Cole, and only with Cole, but curiosity—and maybe a little anger—urged me onward.
“Cole dated her before me. I’ve heard rumors, but I’m not one hundred percent sure why they broke up. He never said.”
Keep it together. Something about her tone... She knew something she wasn’t telling me. “When he broke up with you, how did he do it?”
She stared at me as if I were a bug under a microscope—already dissected, ready to be sold for parts. Finally she averted her gaze, but not before I caught a glimmer of pity. “It was a few weeks after Bronx and I moved into his guesthouse, and a few months before you showed up. He got me alone, sat me down and told me we were over. I was absolutely blindsided. Even the day before, we were pretty into each other. Or so I thought.”
Blindsided.
Into each other one day, but not the next.
Keep. It. Together.
Kat sidled up beside me, saying, “There you are.”
She would help me, despite her problems.
“Well, well. Hello, Ally Kat.” Mackenzie smiled with saccharine sweetness.
The two had never been friends, and probably never would be. Mackenzie, so protective of “her” boys, had tried to ruin Kat’s relationship with Frosty a time or ten.
“Hello, Love Button,” Kat replied, using the same tenor of falseness. Then she turned to me, putting her back to Mackenzie, as if the girl were of no consequence. Her cheeks were colorless, and her lips chapped from being chewed. “I’m blowing lunch and my last few hours and taking off. I’ll pick you up for tonight’s game. And I know you want to spend a few minutes explaining why you can’t go, but I’ll save you the time since there’s no way you can win this argument. You’re going and that’s final.”
I opened my mouth, but she kissed my cheek and bounded off before I could get out a single word. “What if I have to, I don’t know, help Cole?” I called. A few slayers had to patrol the streets nearly every night, just in case.
She never turned back.
“You don’t. You haven’t been put on rotation,” Mackenzie said, and bounded off in the other direction.
Cole still hadn’t added me.
Trembling, I entered the lunchroom and headed toward the table I shared with Reeve and the slayers. Halfway there, I slammed into a brick wall. Or rather, a brick wall that went by the name of Justin Silverstone.
“Move,” I commanded.
Big brown puppy-dog eyes peered down at me, beseeching. “Why would I? I’m right where I want to be.”
“That’s odd, considering your location might just get your testicles knocked into your throat.” I wasn’t falling for his innocent act. Not again. He’d once used me for information to feed to Anima. He might even have helped them bomb my house. No telling what he’d do next.
“Give me a chance to explain my side of things, Ali. Please. I had nothing to do with—”
“Save it.” I took a step to the side, intending to brush past him, then stopped as a thought occurred to me. “First, answer a question for me. Did you talk to Cole on the phone last Saturday night?”
An emotionless mask descended—the same one Cole had been donning lately. “No. Why?”
If he was to be believed, I’d dreamed their conversation. My mind really was a mess.
“Watch me as I don’t discuss that with you.” I marched to the table and sat with more of a slam than I’d intended.
“What did Justin want?” Frosty asked, looking ready to commit murder on my behalf.
“To chat about old times.”
Bronx ran his tongue over his teeth. It was his way of telling me he would be at Frosty’s side, inflicting major damage on the boy. With his spiked hair now dyed an electric blue rather than green, and the piercings in his eyebrow and lip—and, okay, the tattoo peeking from under the collar of his shirt—he didn’t have to say anything to scare the crap out of most people.
Frosty crossed his arms over his chest. “Want me to break his face?”
“That’s sweet of you to offer,” I replied, liking that I had such fierce protectors, “but if there’s going to be any face-breaking, I’m going to be the one to do it.”
“Well, if you change your mind...”
“I’ll let you know.” I picked at the lunch I’d packed—a bagel with cream cheese—and wondered where Cole had gone, what he was doing and if this day could get any worse.
* * *
What a stupid question, I told myself later that evening. Of course the day could get worse.
By five, a cold front had swept into Birmingham, and by eight I felt like a Popsicle despite my winter wear. I huddled on the stadium bleachers between Kat and Reeve. Neither girl seemed to notice the frigid temperatures. They were too busy bouncing up and down and celebrating. The Tigers had just scored their first touchdown of the game.
As the second quarter kicked off, Kat said, “So, get this. I’m, like, way more mad at Frosty than ever before. I may not ever forgive him.”
“Why?” I asked. She was paler than she’d been at school, and despite her excitement over the game, her eyes were a little glassy. “What’d he do?”
“Last night he kissed some skank—right in my front yard.”
“Oh, Kat. I’m so sorry.”
“That snake!” Reeve exclaimed. “He deserves to die a thousand painful deaths.”
Kat nodded, saying, “And that’s not even the worst part. He put her on the back of his unicorn and rode off into the rainbow. He’s never taken me to a rainbow.”
Wait. “What are you talking about?”
“My dream last night,” she said easily, then sipped her hot chocolate.
“Your dream.” Reeve shook her head. “You’re more mad at him than ever because of a dream?”
“Hey! I always behave myself in dreams,” she said. “He should, too. And if he can’t, he needs to apologize with more than my favorite flowers.”
“He actually brought you flowers?” Stunned, I blinked at her. “For what he did in a dream?”
“Well, yeah. Wouldn’t you?”
At the moment, I couldn’t get Cole to say more than seven words to me. In real life.
Gavin suddenly plopped into the seat in front of me and though he grinned at me, he didn’t look me in the eye.
Was this a nightmare?
A pretty brunette eased beside him, and she wasn’t one of the girls from the club. She wrapped a possessive arm around his shoulders. A clear warning to me and my friends.
He had a girlfriend.
He frowned at the girl, removed her arm. O-kay. Maybe not a girlfriend.
“Ali Bell,” he said with a nod of greeting. “It’s good to see you again.”
He hadn’t shaved since the last time I’d seen him, and golden stubble now covered his jaw. Heart pounding unsteadily, I jerked my gaze to just over his shoulder, just in case he accidentally glanced up. “Uh, hi,” I replied. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you.”
“Hey, I remember you,” Kat interjected. “From—” she caught herself before she admitted something she shouldn’t and finished with a limp “—somewhere.”
Reeve stiffened, as if she knew Kat was hiding something.
“You should,” Gavin said. “I’m unforgettable.”
“What a strange coincidence,” Kat replied, fluffing her hair. “I am, too. So, are you a new member of the Asher High student body?”
The maybe/maybe-not-girlfriend snorted. “Does he look like he’s in high school, kid?”
Her disdain irked.
Gavin, I’d discovered, had graduated last year. He was nineteen, not that much older than me, but he looked about thirty. The finest of lines branched from his eyes—either laugh lines, scowl lines or both. With slayers, you couldn’t be sure. Most of the guys were as mean as rattlesnakes, but they were also quite warped in the humor department.
“Hillary,” Gavin admonished.
“It’s Belinda,” the girl corrected tightly.
“Whatever. I wanted one night, you wanted two. I agreed to give you the second night if you promised to behave. You’re not behaving.”
She pressed her lips together and remained silent.
Are you kidding me?
He was casually discussing sex with a woman he’d called by the wrong name. I had no words.
“Since no one is willing to make introductions,” Reeve said to break up the tenser-by-the-second silence, “I’ll do it. I’m Reeve Ankh.”
Gavin looked her over with unabashed interest. “You the one dating Bronx?”
“Not dating, no. We’re not even on friendly terms anymore.”
I caught the bitterness in her tone. She had no idea her father had threatened to pull his support from the slayers if one of the boys made a play for her. Every day Bronx had to choose between the girl he wanted and the friends he was determined to protect.
“I’m actually seeing someone else,” Reeve admitted quietly.
“What!” Kat gasped. “And you didn’t tell me? Who is it? How long has this been going on?”
“I’ll share if you will.”
Kat’s excitement deflated. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”
From the corner of my eye, I spotted Wren Kyler and Poppy Verdeck making their way toward the concession stand. They made a striking pair, the beautiful black girl and the delicate redhead. A few weeks ago, Kat, Reeve and I would have been with them.
The moment I’d started dating Cole and she’d gotten back together with Frosty, they’d dropped us. We were now considered troublemakers, a bad bet, and they’d thought their futures would be brighter without us.
They were probably right.
Justin was dating Wren, and he walked behind the pair. He looked up, his gaze landing on me as if he’d known where I was all along. Just like before, his eyes pleaded at me.
I broke the connection.
“Hey, can I talk to you?” Gavin asked me. “Alone?”
Hillary/Belinda opened her mouth to protest, quickly closed it.
My palms began to sweat. Gavin wanted to find out if we’d have another vision, didn’t he?
I nodded, trying to sound normal as I said, “Sure. Why not?”
We stood in unison. He led me up the bleachers, his hand on my lower back, making me uncomfortable.
“Here’s good.” He stopped at a secluded spot overlooking the parking lot, then motioned to the section we’d just abandoned. “I need to be able to see the girls.”
Agreed. Emma hadn’t formed a rabbit cloud, so I wasn’t worried about an attack, but I’d learned to err on the side of caution.
“Before you ask,” I said, still not meeting his gaze. “I don’t know what causes the visions—or, apparently, what stops them. I thought building emotional walls was the key, but I’d built what I considered an impenetrable fortress against you before Hearts and yet we had another one.”
He pushed out a heavy breath. “Note to self. Take Prozac before talking to Ali.”
That probably wasn’t a bad idea. “I don’t think we should look at each other. Not here. Just in case.”
“All right. Where? When?”
How about...never? I ignored the questions, saying, “Have you experienced a vision with anyone else?”
“No. But you have.”
“Yes.” And I was clearly the only unchanging variable. Somehow, this was all my fault. “What did you see in the barn?” Maybe he’d seen something different. Maybe—
“I saw you tasting my neck.”
I gulped. No maybe. We’d seen the same thing. “That’s never going to happen.”
“That’s not what Cole said.”
Fury rose inside me, even though I’d already suspected Gavin had spilled the worst of the details. “You told him?”
“Of course. I had to. He’s my friend. You’re his girl.”
Was I? I licked my lips. “When did you do it? What’d he say?”
“The day after the incident at the club. And nothing. He stormed off.”
Why hadn’t he called me?
I had to talk to him. I had to explain...what? What could I say to make this better?
“I feel the need to reiterate—I’m never going to lick you or throw you on my bed,” I said.
Gavin fingered a lock of my hair. “Honey, I have to agree with you on that one. You’re not even close to being my type.”
“What type is that? Easy?”
“Among other things,” he said unabashedly.
I stepped away from him and gripped the railing in front of me. In the parking lot, darkness was chased away by the occasional streetlamp, revealing car after car.
“I just want to figure out what’s going on,” he said.
“Me, too. And by the way, you’re not my type, either.”
“You don’t like sexy?”
I rolled my eyes. “I just like Cole.”
“So you like moody and broody.”
I kind of wanted to smile at that. “I—” The scent of rot hit me, and I wrinkled my nose. Stiffening, I searched for any other sign of the zombies. They couldn’t be here. They—
Were here.
Red eyes cut through the night, and my heart skittered into a wild beat. Anyone who wandered through the parking lot would be unable to see the evil lurking nearby, and the odds were good they’d become dinner.
“They’re here,” I said, trying not to panic. “The zombies are here.”
Chapter 4
Blood and Tears
I beat feet to my friends. “Stay here. No matter what you see or hear, don’t leave the bleachers until I come back to get you, okay?” The zombies might have braved the parking lot, but their sensitive flesh would sizzle up here in the lights.
Kat paled—she knew what was happening. “Okay.”
“What’s going on?” Reeve demanded. “I’ve seen Bronx, Frosty and Cole act this way. Heard them say these things.”
Unfazed, Gavin pointed a finger in her face. “Do as you’ve been told or I’ll make sure you regret it.” He switched his attention to his two-night stand. “You, too.”
We didn’t say anything else to the girls. There just wasn’t time. Together, we pounded down the rest of the bleacher steps.
“You up for this, cupcake?” Gavin asked.
“Always. Jack-hole.”
He laughed.
As I ran, I withdrew my phone and dialed Frosty. There was no reason to try to reach Cole right now. He’d just send me to voice mail. But Frosty failed to answer, as well. I left a message. “We’re at the game. The enemy has entered the parking lot. Send backup ASAP.”
Justin appeared at my side, keeping pace as we closed in on the darkness. “How many?” he demanded.
“Go home,” I snapped. “We don’t need your kind of help. You’ll feed us to the Hazmats the moment we’re distracted.” He had before.
“I won’t. Trust me.”
Trust him, when I was struggling to trust Cole?
“He works with the Hazmats?” Gavin slowed down, moving behind us. Without any more warning than that, he punched Justin in the back of the head, knocking the boy forward. “Then he doesn’t work with us.”
Justin tripped over his own feet and went down, his hands and knees absorbing most of the impact. He could have recovered, but Gavin kicked him in the center of his back, sending him flying onto his stomach. Then Gavin stomped over his body and continued onward.
Part of me wanted to protest his methods. I wasn’t Justin’s friend, but wow. The other part of me was kind of impressed. He-slut had skills.
The moment we hit the parking lot, I withdrew my favorite daggers from the purse hanging at my side, then dropped the purse on the ground, not wanting to give the zombies anything extra to grab onto. There were streetlamps to my far left and right, illuminating sections of the lot. Four kids I recognized from school were climbing into a red truck. Another two were standing in front of a sedan, a girl leaning against the hood, a boy leaning against her.
“Get out of here,” I shouted, cruel to be kind. Contrary to popular opinion, stupidity did not make a less-than-delicious brain.
A strip of darkness consumed the center, and that was where we headed. I looked for the glow of the Blood Lines, but...found none. Very well. None of the cars would be solid to us when we entered the spirit realm. We could ghost through—and so could the zombies.
The closer we drew, the stronger the scent of rot became, and I gagged.
“Let’s do this,” Gavin said, and stepped out of his body as if it were a suit of armor he’d gotten tired of wearing.
As Cole had once told me, people were spirits. We had a soul, and we lived in a body. The spirit was the power source. The soul was the mind, will and emotions, and linked to the power. The body was the house.
I, too, forced my spirit and soul to split from my body, and my body froze in place, unable to move until I reentered it. If anyone stumbled upon the motionless shell, well, they’d get no response and I was sure there would be trouble. Can’t be helped.
Instantly the air became colder, and the light I’d admired only a few seconds ago was too bright, making my eyes water. A typical reaction to leaving the natural realm and entering the spiritual.
“Shout if you get into trouble,” Gavin called.
I didn’t reply. Sometimes it was just better to remain silent.
Whatever a slayer said while in spirit form came true. Well, mostly. There were two caveats. We had to believe it, and we couldn’t violate someone else’s free will.
Some things happened instantly. Some took a while. As long as the words met the requirements, they happened. No exceptions.
Gavin picked up speed and moved in front of me. He extended both his arms, fired two SIG Sauers—and bonus points to me for knowing the type...or brand...whatever! Sparks exploded from the barrels, and the ensuing boom, boom made me cringe. Not that anyone around us would hear it.
The fight was on.
The two zombies closest to us went down. But a heartbeat later, they were climbing back to their feet, ready for more. I frowned. The bullets should have slowed them, at least a little. Zombies felt no pain, but their spiritual bodies were subject to injury, just like ours.
“I didn’t miss,” Gavin gritted. He fired the guns until they ran out of bullets.
He reached the creatures first, using the two he’d decorated with holes as punching bags.
I reached my own target and gave a wide slash of my dagger, clipping his spine, nearly removing his head. An action that would merely disable. There was only one thing that could forever end these creatures, and it was the fire from a slayer’s hands. But I could have a lot of fun beforehand.
I kicked the next one in the stomach, knocking him backward and revealing the zombie coming in behind him. Too late. He moved too quickly. The new addition pushed me, and I pinwheeled over a body, landing with a hard thud, my side throbbing. I was jumped and pinned a second later, teeth going for my neck. I broke his nose and his jaw and wiggled out from under him; he ended up gnawing on pavement.
As I stood, I swiped out my blades, the tips slashing into his neck once, twice, going deeper and deeper, into spinal cord, buying me a temporary reprieve. From him, at least.
I tried to summon my fire the same way I’d left my body, believing I could and thereby gaining the inner strength to actually do it, but I was so new to this, didn’t have as much faith as the others and could only stretch myself so far. And multitask? Forget about it.
As expected, no flames.
Another zombie lunged at me, black-stained teeth bared. I spun and kicked, my booted heel slamming into his side. He stumbled away from me as yet another zombie lunged at me. I popped her in the nose and spun again, elbowing her in the temple when I lined up to her left. She went down, but quickly twisted and reached for my ankle.
I don’t think so. I hopped up and stomped on her hand. Saw two more coming at me from the right. With a twirl of my dagger, I pressed the blade against my wrist, then punched one creature and kicked the other. At my side, a gnarled arm stretched out. I grabbed and bent it, forcing the zombie to hunch over as I jerked up my knee, barreling into his face. When I released him, he fell to the ground.
But like his brethren, he recovered in a rush. I performed another spin—am getting so good at those!—whipping out my leg to shove him back several feet. Before he could rise a second time, I swung my arm around and launched one of the daggers. The tip soared past his open mouth and embedded in the back of his throat.
Bull’s-eye.
On instinct, I turned, realized a pack of zombies had launched a sneak attack. I arched left, right, narrowly avoiding nails and teeth, my blade constantly swinging, slicing through rotting flesh. Cold black goo dripped down my hands.
I grinned. Some people got off on drugs. I got off on this.
Something solid pressed against my back, and I threw an elbow, raised the blade. As I sliced in a downward arc, Justin ducked, barely avoiding impact.
“Idiot,” I screamed. He knew better than to creep up on a slayer.
“Incoming.” He motioned to just over my shoulder.
I drank in the scene as quickly as possible and decided what to do. A zombie had used my distraction to his advantage, stealing in close and preparing to sink his teeth in my upper arm. I could dive away, but Justin’s nearness would put him in striking range. I could arch, but the creature’s momentum would draw him back with me. We’d fall. His weight would cage me. I’d be more of a target, and he could go for my neck.
I had to take the bite in my arm and pray Justin or Gavin injected me with antidote right away, so I could jump back into battle.
Gonna sting.
“No!” Justin reached out, flames springing from the pores in his hand, the light shining as brightly as the streetlamps. The zombie bit into that light, and both Justin and the creature dropped.
The zombie frantically patted at his mouth, his throat, his stomach, as if experiencing pain for the first time. But that wasn’t possible. Was it? Even still, he hadn’t been exposed to Justin’s fire long enough to die.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, Justin had been exposed to enough toxin to die. A single drop was all it took. He writhed, the poison already pouring through him, a river, pulling him down, down, down, washing over him, drowning him.
I wanted to help him, meant to inject him, but there just wasn’t time or opportunity. All I could do was stand over him and fight, protecting him from further harm, reeling that the boy I knew as a traitor had taken a blow meant for me. Maybe I should have been nicer to him.
Zombies, zombies, zombies, everywhere I looked; so many grotesque bodies I lost count. They were like a swarm of flies, moaning instead of buzzing. I hobbled one, and two more replaced him—and then the one I’d hobbled rejoined the party.
My inhalations were too shallow, my exhalations too quick. I trembled, the blades seeming to gain ten pounds with every move I made. I’d been without physical activity for too long. This was too much, too soon. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take and still remain on my feet.
Can’t let Justin’s sacrifice be in vain.
Must avenge my family.
As I fought, I caught a glimpse of Gavin battling his own horde. He moved with the grace of a panther, his every action fluid, nothing without a purpose.
Should I call for help?
A clawed hand swiped at me. I barely managed to duck.
Teeth snapped at me. Hissing and snarls filled my ears. I swung, but an elbow jabbed into my middle, and I lost what little air I’d managed to take in. I doubled over. Fingers tangled in my hair, and hello, joyride to the ground.
“Gavin.”
“Ali!” he shouted.
I kicked out, but two of the creatures managed to grab my ankles. I lashed out with my fists, but two others managed to grab my wrists. I bucked, but couldn’t free myself.
Don’t panic. Panic would prevent me from acting rationally. I could get out of this. I just had to... What?
“Ali!” another voice shouted.
Cole! Cole was here!
Cole, the light of my life.
Light. Yes.
“Light up, dang it,” I commanded my hands. I could do this. I would do this. I believed. “Now!”
As Gavin ripped a zombie off me, flames at last burst from the ends of my fingertips.
The zombies still holding me instantly turned to ash.
“Help the kid,” Gavin commanded, returning to finish off his own horde.
I looked over my shoulder—saw the creatures eating at Justin. Horrified, I scrambled over and performed an inelegant dance of touch and destroy, freeing him from grasping hands and too-sharp teeth.
Back on my feet, my arms glowing brightly, I ripped through the remaining zombies, touching this one, touching that one, destroying all. When the last one exploded into tiny pieces of ash, my knees collapsed, and I fell. On impact, the flames vanished, and my skin returned to normal.
Victory.
Face splattered with black goo, Gavin closed the distance and grinned at me. “Now that’s the kind of ability I can encourage.”
Cole misted through the car beside me and stopped short. Fear radiated from him. Violet eyes I’d missed with every fiber of my being scanned me, searching for injury. “Were you bitten?”
“No, I’m good. But Justin isn’t.”
He frowned. “Justin?”
“He took a bite meant for me.” I crawled to Justin’s side and felt for a pulse. The beat thumped so swiftly I couldn’t keep count. “He needs the antidote.”
“I’ll give him mine,” Cole said, bending down as he withdrew a syringe from his back pocket.
“Justin,” I said, patting his cheek. “We’re here. We’ll take care of you.”
His eyelids split apart. Rivers of red ran through his irises. I gasped. Surely he wasn’t... Couldn’t... Not that quickly.
His head whipped toward me—and he sank his teeth into my wrist.
He quickly released me to curl into a ball and vomit, but the damage was done. I screamed. It was like electric paddles had been strapped to my chest, jump-starting a second heart, making it beat for the first time, but never in rhythm with the other one.
Suddenly there were two Alis, and both were in pain.
One hated it. One liked it.
That one was hungry. So hungry.
Cole loomed over me, his features tortured with concern. His mouth was moving, but I couldn’t hear him. My attention caught on the pulse at the base of his neck. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
Hypnotic.
Delicious.
Radiant light seeped through his pores. A light that didn’t hurt my gaze. A light that drew me, every part of me. I licked my lips. If I could just get past his skin, I could reach that light. I could touch it. Taste it.
Consume it.
Desperate, I grabbed him by the shoulders and tugged him down, baring my teeth. Just before I could bite into him, a fist slammed into my temple. From the corner of my eye, I saw Gavin, raising his arm to deliver another blow. Cole stopped him.
It was the last thing I saw before darkness swept over me.
Chapter 5
The King Takes the Pawn
I had spent the first sixteen years of my life under the watchful eye of a man who’d seen monsters no one else could see. I’d thought him insane, and part of me had resented him for the rules he’d enforced, the trouble he’d caused.
He’d built a house to protect us, a fortress of solitude, really, with iron behind the walls and bars over the windows. My sister and I had left our prison to attend school and church, and the occasional lunch date with our grandparents, but that was it. Every other second had been spent in confinement.
Now I knew more about the invisible world around me, more than Dad had ever known, and I knew the iron and the bars wouldn’t have kept the monsters at bay. Only Blood Lines could. I knew zombies were drawn to life—the very thing they’d lost. I knew they hungered for slayers first, and average Joes second. We were tastier dishes, I guess. I knew they found fear to be an aphrodisiac and fury to be a dessert.
Emotion added spice.
As miserable as I’d been back then, I missed the life I used to lead. I missed the hours I’d spent holding my sister while she drifted to sleep. I missed the hugs my mother had so freely given. Missed the smiles she and my dad used to share. The food she used to cook. The notes she used to leave under my pillow.

I love you, Alice Rose.
Thinking about you today, darling girl.
You’re so strong and beautiful. How’d I get so lucky?

Remembering caused pain to scrape at my chest, over and over, again and again, razor-sharp claws tearing into flesh and muscle, even bone, leaving me raw and bleeding. I hurt. Oh, glory, I hurt with a hunger no one should ever have to endure. It was as if I’d never eaten. As if my body was destroying itself, cell by cell. And all the while, those two hearts pounded in my chest.
I unleashed a terrible scream.
The pain only expanded, razing my mind, pooling even in my toes. I tried to burrow my fingers past my skull, my chest, somewhere, anywhere, desperate to reach the pain and snatch it away, but I failed miserably.
My blood turned molten in my veins, burning me from the inside out. But a second later, a chill danced over my skin, causing me to shiver. Cold. My teeth chattered as I burrowed deeper under the blanket. Hot. I kicked the stupid blanket away. Cold. I pulled my arms into my chest, trying to curl into myself for warmth. Hot. I tore at my clothing.
“Ali,” called a voice I knew I should recognize. Male. Raspy with concern.
Cole, maybe. I inhaled deeply, and oh, he smelled so good. Pure and crisp and crackling with energy. The hunger overwhelmed me all over again. My mouth watered. “Feed me,” I croaked.
Gentle hands smoothed over my cheeks, offering a comforting stroke.
My nerve endings went haywire, agonizing me further. I jerked away. “No. Don’t.”
“Ali.”
Grab him. Devour him. You’ll feel so much better.
“I administered a double dose of the antidote hours ago. Why isn’t she better?”
Definitely Cole. He was here. He was with me.
“Give her another.”
“Can she take it?”
“Do we have a choice?”
A sharp sting in my neck, a cool rush through my veins, and the pain and hunger at last died. The second heartbeat slowed, softened, but didn’t disappear completely. Still, it was enough. I sagged into a boneless heap.
“Ali, I need you to wake up, okay?”
Anything for Cole. I ripped my way through the veil of darkness shrouding my conscious and pried open my eyelids. At first, I saw only a haze of white clouds.
Clouds.
Emma.
But...she wasn’t here. Where was here? I frowned.
“Good girl, that’s the way,” Cole said. “Come back to me, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart. An endearment.
He wasn’t upset with me anymore.
Blinking rapidly shooed away the haze. Cole leaned over the side of the bed, peering down at me. Black hair shagged over a forehead furrowed with a mix of worry and relief. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot, making me think he’d been denied sleep. The shadow-beard he always sported was now thicker.
“Hey there,” he said softly.
“Hey.” My voice was damaged, as if my vocal cords had been cut and only recently sewn back together. “I’m glad you’re speaking to me again.”
He frowned, and suddenly I could see the storm brewing beneath his exhaustion. “I wasn’t ever not speaking to you.”
“You were avoiding me, then.”
A stilted pause before he admitted, “Yes.”
A second later, the world around me tunneled so that only Cole existed. Elation speared me—finally we were having a vision—
—in the Ankhs’ game room, Cole stood across from me. He was smiling at something Veronica was saying. I stood in front of Gavin, my hands cupping his cheeks.
“You are a better man than I ever gave you credit for,” I told him.
“I know,” Gavin replied.
“And you’re so modest.”
He chuckled. “Are you happy with the way things turned out?”
My gaze strayed to Cole. The tension he’d worn like a second skin all these weeks had utterly vanished. “Yeah. Yeah, I am—”
—the vision vanished in a blink, right along with my elation, and Cole let his head drop into his upraised hands. He scrubbed his fingers through his already disheveled hair.
“Gavin’s a man-whore, you know. Never been with the same girl twice. And he’s never liked blondes. He won’t stay with you for long.”
There was ice in his tone, and it scared me. “I’m not interested in Gavin.” I struggled to sit up. “Cole, you have to—”
“Don’t say anything. Just...don’t.” Motions jerky, he shoved two pillows behind my back and reached over to lift a glass of water from the nightstand.
I was in my bedroom, I realized. Determined sunlight shoved its way through the curtains. The iPod Cole had given me was stationed in its dock on the desk and turned on. Soft music filled the room.
He placed the straw at my lips. “Drink.”
I obeyed, the cool liquid sliding down my throat, soothing for a moment only to churn in my belly, frothing up acid. “Thank you.”
He nodded stiffly and set the cup aside. “Let’s talk about what happened with Justin.”
Yes. Okay. A safe topic. “Has he recovered?”
“Yeah, and a lot quicker than you.”
The accusation in his voice threw me, and I glowered at him. “Hey, don’t blame me. I’m the victim here.”
He massaged the back of his neck, somewhat contrite. “Yeah. I know. Sorry. It’s been stressful, watching you suffer and not being able to help.”
Slowly I relaxed. “Has a slayer ever bitten another slayer like that?”
“Not to my knowledge. Not while both are still human.”
Why Justin? Why me? What had been different? “Did I try to bite anyone while I was...out of it?” The moment I asked, memories came flooding back to me. Cole. I’d tried to bite Cole.
“Just me,” he said without any hint of emotion.
I soaked in horror like a sponge. “I’m sorry,” I rushed out. “I know I failed. Wait. I failed, right?”
He gave one, sharp nod. “You did.”
I relaxed again, but only slightly. “I’m so sorry, Cole. I don’t know what came over me, but I do know I’m not going to do it again. I promise you.”
He shrugged—and I wasn’t sure whether he was trying to tell me he believed me...or that he didn’t.
“I mean it,” I insisted.
“You tried to bite me more than once,” he said flatly.
Oh. I didn’t remember the other times. “I’m so sorry,” I repeated. “I didn’t realize...”
“I know.”
I gulped. Was he disgusted with me now? “Do you think Anima put Justin up to hurting me? Causing this kind of reaction, thinking we’d destroy each other?”
“Maybe, but like you, I don’t think Justin knew what he was doing.”
Agreed. The red I’d seen in his eyes... “Where is he now?”
“Ankh kept him below, in the dungeon, as you like to call it, for a few days to make sure the antidote was working and he wouldn’t try to attack anyone else. Tests were run, and a strange toxin was found in his blood. Not zombie, but actually antizombie. Different than what’s in the antidote. We think it’s what made him vomit.”
Wait. Hold everything. “A few days? How long have I been out? Did you check my blood, too?”
Used to my rapid-fire questions, he easily followed. “About a week. And yes. You had—have—the same antizombie toxin, only you have a lot more of it, which makes us think you shared it with him when he bit you.”
Crap. I’d lost another week of my life. My poor Nana. Ugh, my poor grades. “How and where would I have gotten an antizombie toxin? And why is it in my blood, rather than my spirit?”
He shrugged. “Could be an ability, like the visions. And if it’s in your spirit, it’s in your blood. We have to test what we can.”
Yes. Okay. All of that made sense.
When I’d first moved in with Nana, I’d found a journal written in a strange numbered code that always seemed to unravel by itself. Through it, I’d learned some slayers were born with strange abilities no one could explain. A poisonous spirit, and thereby blood, had been on the list—which was actually a good thing. Like Justin, the zombies sickened soon after biting me.
“Just so you know, we told everyone you’d overdone it and reopened your wound,” Cole said. “Both of which are true.”
“Thank you.”
He nodded, moved to the door.
He was...leaving me? Just like that?
“Cole,” I called. “We need to talk.”
“You need to rest.”
“Cole.” My voice lashed like a whip. I wasn’t letting him get away. Not this time.
He paused, faced me. His features were blank.
“This has to stop.”
He gave a single nod, and the formality of the action worried me.
“I tried not to push you, but you have to give me something. Your silence is driving me crazy.”
He crossed his arms as if preparing for battle. “Some things aren’t meant to be discussed, Ali.”
Today, I just couldn’t accept that. I’d come this far... “At Hearts, you couldn’t spend time with me. Why?”
He ran his tongue over his teeth. “I’ve already told you all I’m willing to say on that subject.”
“You asked me to trust you, and now I’m asking you to trust me with the truth. Why?”
Silence.
Argh! I tried a different approach, saying, “You told me you wanted me to stay away from Gavin, and yet you have been the one to stay away from me. Why?”
Again silence.
Dang him! I was giving, but he wasn’t giving anything back. “What we just saw in the vision—”
“Will happen.” Fury blazed in his eyes, making me miss the expressionless mask. “You know it will. It always does.”
I’d denied it to myself, but I couldn’t deny it to him. He’d call my bluff. “Maybe it doesn’t mean what we think it means.”
His head tilted to the side, and he studied me intently. Hopefully? “What do you think it means?”
“I...don’t know.” I wasn’t at my best just then. But I knew that just because I’d stood with Gavin, and Cole had stood with Veronica, and just because I’d had my hands on Gavin and Cole had been smiling so peacefully at Veronica, didn’t mean we belonged with Gavin and Veronica. “What do you think it means?”
Please tell me what I want to hear.
He would. He had to. Not many people were as layered as Cole. A hard outer shell covered razor blades, and razor blades covered steel. But for those willing to dig—and endure the injuries and bleeding—a soft, gooey center could be found. I’d dug. I’d found it. He wouldn’t let me go, wouldn’t turn to Veronica.
“I think it means...we’re over,” he said, and closed his eyes.
He would. He really would.
He might as well have slapped me. “No,” I said, shaking my head. “No.”
“Okay, let me rephrase. I know it means we’re over. We have to be. I’ve almost lost you twice, and I’m going to lose you for good when the visions start coming true. I’m not going to hang on to a lost cause, Ali.”
Panic set in. I had to make him understand. “I’m not a lost cause. We’re not a lost cause. I don’t like Gavin.”
“But you will.”
No! “Don’t do this,” I said. “Please. You have to trust me. Please,” I said again, and I didn’t care how desperate I sounded. “There are some things you can never take back, and this is one of them.”
A terrible stillness came over him. I wasn’t sure he was even breathing. Then he was stomping to the wall, throwing a fist.
Boom! I flinched. Plaster gave, leaving a hole. Dust mushroomed through the air.
Here was the dangerous boy I’d been warned about in the beginning. The one mothers wanted to hide from their daughters. The panty melter, I’d heard a few girls at school call him. The boy others feared. The violent criminal. The hard-hearted machine.
“I’m not going to look at Gavin and suddenly start wanting him,” I whispered. I couldn’t even imagine it. “You’re the one for me. And this isn’t like you,” I added. “You never back down. You never walk away from a fight.” Fight for me.
He pressed his forehead into the damaged wall.
“Cole,” I said quietly. Must get through to him. “Do you want Veronica?”
“No,” he said, and I could have sobbed with relief. “Not even a little.”
“See!”
“Ali, I...” He straightened, turned toward me. I saw the panic a split second before a sheet of ice fell over his features, and that ice was far worse than the fury he’d displayed earlier. “Our feelings right now aren’t the problem. One day I hope you’ll forgive me. I doubt I’ll ever be able to forgive myself. But...we’re done.”
Done.
Just like that.
Over. Finished.
“Cole.”
“We’re done,” he repeated more firmly. “We’re done.”
How finite he sounded. How sure.
For the second time in my life, my heart broke into thousands of pieces. I thought I would die. But this time, I had the second heart, the new one, whatever it was, to pick up the slack, to keep me alive.
Silent now, he backed up, away from me.
“I won’t come crawling after you,” I croaked.
“I don’t want you to.”
With those five words, he shredded the rest of me. Spirit, soul and body. I wouldn’t give him the chance to do it again. I couldn’t. “I won’t take you back even if you come crawling back to me.”
“I know,” he said, despair creeping into his tone. “And I won’t.... I can’t....” He shook his head. “There’s nothing I can say to make either of us feel better about this, and I’m sorry about that. You’ll probably never know how much. But that’s not going to change my mind. It has to be this way.”
He turned and left.
Chapter 6
Welcome to Your Nightmare
I...
Broke...
Down.
Somehow I found the strength to stand. My legs shook. With fury. Sorrow. Helplessness. Regret.
Pain.
I wanted to chase after Cole and tear into him the way he’d just done to me. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to scream at him.
I wanted him to hurt the way I was hurting.
I wanted to cry and beg him to come back to me.
I wanted his arms around me.
I wanted to hate him.
Maybe I did hate him. Today he’d proved he wasn’t the admirable boy I’d thought he was. How could he be? He’d cut me loose the same way he’d cut Mackenzie loose. As if I meant nothing. Only difference was, I’d had a little warning. I just hadn’t wanted to face the truth of it.
I wanted to avoid him forever.
I’d see him again. Of course I would. We would even talk to each other. We’d have to. In a way, he was my boss. He set the nightly rotation schedule. He headed up all training. But the easy camaraderie we’d shared was over. The bantering. The kissing. The touching.
Over.
He’d wanted to protect himself, and me, from further hurt, from fighting a losing battle, from whatever mystery he refused to discuss, from the devastation and shame of falling for other people while we were still together.
I’d been willing to risk it.
He’d decided I wasn’t worth the effort.
I looked around the room that wasn’t mine. It was only a loaner. The only things I owned were the clothes in the dresser and closet. I stumbled to the dresser without knowing why—until I felt my fingers curl around the edge and my arms push forward, sending the piece of furniture crashing into the floor.
I grabbed a drawer and tossed it, then another, and another. Socks and underwear went flying in every direction. Seeing them lying on the floor only made me madder. I was just like them. Tossed aside. In a place I didn’t belong.
Cole had just changed the entire course of my life, and I’d been helpless to stop him. Just like I’d been helpless to stop the car crash.
How many other changes would I be forced to endure?
Everything changed. The world. The seasons. Time. People. Nothing and no one ever stayed the same. Accepting another change should be easy. After all, even I would change. One day, I would forget about Cole and the feelings I had for him. I would move on.
And so would he.
He would date another girl.
My gaze drifted to the picture I kept on my nightstand. Kat had snapped it when I’d been too distracted to know anyone else was around. In it, Cole stood behind me, his arms wrapped around me. His chin rested on top of my head, and he appeared utterly content. I was smiling with the dreamy confidence of a girl rushing headlong into love.
Love.
I refused to love him.
I picked up the photo and launched it across the room, my new heart racing with dangerous speed, my lungs burning, no longer able to pull in enough oxygen—as if something inside me was stealing it. My stomach curled into a ball and hardened into iron—but the iron was hollowed out and desperate to be filled. I was hungry again, so danged hungry...but not for food. For... I wasn’t sure. But whatever it was, I needed it.
Now.
A high-pitched ringing scraped at my ears. Sweat broke out over my brow and my palms and trickled down my back. The room spun around and around, my equilibrium shot, and I flailed for balance...tilting anyway...and felt a sharp sting against my entire right side. I must have fallen to the floor.
Help me, I tried to call, but no words emerged. My heart sped up, faster and faster. My lungs constricted far more tightly, the burn intensifying. My hands and feet mutated into blocks of ice.
I...was dying? I had to be dying.
I crawled to the desk, reached blindly for my phone and knocked down the lamp. Glass shattered on the floor.
Had to text Co—no, Nana. Yes, Nana. She would come. She would take care of me—she loved me. But I couldn’t see the keypad. The room was still spinning.
Hinges squeaked. “Ali? Are you okay? What happened to your room?”
Male voice. I recognized it. Mr. Ankh?
Help, I tried to say, but again, no sound emerged.
Footsteps. Strong arms slid underneath me, lifted me. I floated for a few seconds before the mattress pressed into my back.
“Is it the toxin?” he asked, even as he stuck me in the neck with a needle. Yes, it had to be Mr. Ankh. Like the rest of us, he carried the antidote in his pocket, just in case.
A cool stream raced through my veins, and the hunger simmered.
“Breathe,” he said gently. “In. Out. Yes, just like that. Again. Again.” Hands smoothed over my brow, offering comfort I so desperately needed. “Again.”
At last, my heart...hearts...began to slow. My lungs began to fill. The sweat stopped pouring, and the chill kissed me goodbye.
I blinked open my eyes, and saw Mr. Ankh sitting at the side of my bed. Concern bathed his still-handsome features.
“That wasn’t just about the toxin, was it?” he asked, the concern giving way to sympathy.
I remained silent.
“Has that ever happened before?”
“Wh-what?” Almost dying?
“A panic attack?”
Panic attack? No. “That’s not what just happened.” I’d weathered the death of my family. A breakup wouldn’t ruin my mental stability. I wouldn’t let it.
“Ali, sweetheart, I’m a doctor. More than that, for several years I was married to a woman with an anxiety disorder. I know a panic attack when I see one.”
Anxiety disorder. No. Not that, either. “I’m fine,” I said, my voice ragged. “Just tired.”
His smile was sad. “Did something happen to trigger it?”
Something like losing the other part of me? “I told you I’m fine,” I replied stiffly, then regretted my tone. He was being nice, trying to help me. He didn’t deserve my rancor.
He sighed, pushed to his feet. “The more you know about the triggers, the better you’ll handle the episodes. If you ever want to talk about it...”
“I don’t. I won’t. I’m fine, really.”
“All right. Well, don’t worry about the room. I’ll send someone up to clean.”
“No! No,” I said more gently. “I’ll take care of it.”
A pause, then, “If that’s what you prefer.” Like Cole, he left the room.
Left me alone.
My new heart sped up all over again.
* * *
I righted the furniture and cleaned the room, even patched the hole in my wall. The one Cole had caused. It had reminded me of him, and I wasn’t fond of reminders right now. I threw our picture in the trash.
The next week passed in a daze. Every day I had to bury my emotions as deep as they would go and pretend everything was peachy, just to make it through school. Kat and Reeve treated me the same; they had no idea Cole and I had broken up. I hadn’t told anyone, and for some reason, neither had he. I think the girls were onto me, though, and I expected questions very, very soon.
I stayed away from Cole’s gym and worked out with Kat in Mr. Ankh’s. I still hadn’t been put on rotation, but I hadn’t pushed because the zombies hadn’t made another appearance.
I wasn’t eating, wasn’t sleeping.
I couldn’t go on like this.
“Emma,” I said as I burrowed under my covers. “Emma.” I needed my baby sister.
I wasn’t sure how much time passed before she materialized in the center of my room.
“Oh, Ali.” She stretched beside me on the bed, ghosting her hand through my hair. Somehow she calmed me, the weird heartbeat evening out, the hunger pains that always seemed to hover at the edge of my conscious ebbing. “I hate seeing you like this.”
“I’m better now that you’re here.”
“I’m glad. And I’m glad you called me.” Her dark eyes were luminous as she said, “Would it help to know I’ve been watching Cole? He’s miserable, too.”
“Maybe,” I said with a sniffle. “Why have you been watching him?”
“I think he’s spying on the other slayers.”
Why would he do that? He trusted the people around him, everyone but me, that is, and—
Wait. “I don’t care anymore.” I changed the subject. “The night I was bitten, you didn’t put a rabbit cloud in the sky. Why?”
“I had been watching the zombie nests, and none of them had stirred. The ones that attacked you came out of nowhere.”
No, they’d had to come from somewhere. But where? And what did this mean...for the...future? Can’t concentrate. So tired.
“I’m losing you,” she said with a chuckle. “Rest now.”
I must have fallen asleep at long last; the next time I opened my eyes, she was gone.
Thursday, Nana tried to talk to me about my sudden withdrawal. She was worried I was sick. I assured her I was the picture of health.
Friday, Mackenzie and Trina insisted on driving me home from school, and I buckled in back of a beat-up Jeep. They knew my situation without being told.
“I recognize the glaze in your eyes,” Mackenzie said, twisting in the passenger seat. For once, there was no heat in her tone. No condescension or anger on her face. “I know we’ve never liked each other, but I do mean it when I say I’m sorry for what you’re going through. And maybe I should have warned you. This is what he does. This is what he’s always done.”
I peered out the window. The sun was bright today, making my eyes water. “What do you mean? What does he always do?”
“He cuts and runs when things get serious, and I don’t think he even realizes he’s doing it. He just looks for an excuse, and then boom, it’s over.”
I remembered the panic I thought I’d seen in his eyes. I’d convinced myself I’d imagined each instance, but what if they had been the start of the demise of our relationship? Not the visions.
“Yesterday I asked Veronica straight-up,” Trina said. “When he broke up with her, he told her he couldn’t do the long-distance thing anymore.”
I wondered what he would say about me, when he finally started talking.
“He’s a great guy,” Mackenzie said, “but he’s never been in a relationship for the long haul.”
“I think his friendships are the same way. Don’t get me wrong, I know he loves us slayers.” Trina maneuvered the car onto Reeve’s street. “I’m never in doubt of that. But I’m always aware of the fact that he keeps me at a bit of an emotional distance. He does it with everyone but Frosty and Bronx—they’re like brothers with other mothers or something. Frankly, I was shocked he let you get as close as you did, as fast as you did.”
I thought I understood. Cole had lost his mom to the zombies. He knew he would lose his dad the next time his dad was bitten, since the man had developed an immunity to the antidote. If he let someone else all the way in, like, say, a girlfriend, and then he lost her, too, he probably didn’t think he would survive.
The fury returned—the roots had never withered. How dare he? How dare he lead me on, making me want more, when he’d never planned to see this thing through? And then to throw me away because of what might happen at some later date... Because of fear...
“There’s the spirit we’re used to seeing,” Mackenzie said with a nod of approval.
No, this was something else. Something sharper. But I didn’t correct her. “Has he ever gone back for seconds?”
“Never. Not even when we get desperate and try to steal his attention by messing around with someone else,” she added bitterly.
There was a story there, but I wouldn’t pry.
“So...what excuse did he give you?” Mackenzie asked.
“Have you heard about my vision with Gavin?”
She nodded. “Gavin has been soliciting advice.”
“That’s why.”
Anger glazed her eyes. Anger on my behalf? “Someday some girl is going to come along, and he’s not going to be able to let her go. Maybe she’ll dump him, and he’ll learn what rejection feels like.”
Maybe. But that would mean he loved her. My nails dug into my thigh.
“I’m guessing your vision with Gavin is the reason Cole has stayed silent about the breakup,” Trina said. She parked in Reeve’s driveway. “He doesn’t want Gavin coming to you for information about your ability, something he would do if he knew you and Cole were over.”
“Which isn’t like him,” Mackenzie said, a little confused now. A lot intrigued. “Cole doesn’t usually care what a girl does or who she does it with once he’s done with her.”
Part of me wanted to thrill over this knowledge. Maybe he still cared about me. The other part of me scoffed. I wasn’t so pathetic...was I? “He and I are over, and that’s that. I’ll be fine,” I said tightly. “Thanks for the ride, girls. And the conversation. I appreciate it.”
Mackenzie grabbed my hand to stop me before I could emerge. “We’re here if you need us.”
* * *
I had the dream again.
My mother reached for me. Warmth spread through me.
She shook me, shouting, “Alice. Wake up!”
I didn’t. Not this time.
The zombies came for her, dragged her off and threw her on the cold, hard ground next to my dad. Then they fell on her, disappearing inside her, eating her spirit right out of her body. At first, she screamed and fought. Then she quieted and writhed. Then she stilled. Black boils appeared all over her skin, the zombie toxin poisoning her from the inside out.
I watched, helpless, sobbing.
And when I woke up, my cheeks were actually wet.
Had she died that way? Even the thought filled me with a terrible, dark rage. She had been such a gentle, loving woman. She’d never knowingly hurt anyone. For those creatures to torture her that way...
Can’t deal with the past. I crawled out of bed and into the shower, not leaving until my fingers and toes were like prunes. I towel-dried, swiped a shaky hand across the steam-covered mirror. My gaze caught on my reflection, and I stumbled backward, shocked. I was... There was... Impossible.
Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
The sound whispered through my mind, keeping time to the beat of my new heart. I stepped as close to the mirror as I could get, until the round edge of the sink prevented me from going any farther. There were dark smudges under my eyes and around my lips, and a black dot the size of my thumb streaked over my heart. Though I scrubbed with all my strength, leaving welts and nearly peeling off my skin, the splotches remained.
Could stress do this?
Maybe. Probably.
I turned away from the glass, and the sound of the tick-tocks died. My hands shook as I dressed in a T-shirt, jeans and butt-kicking boots and sheathed a dagger at each ankle.
I picked up my cell and texted Kat.
Me: How soon can U get here? Time 2 work out.
It was just after noon on Saturday. I was done avoiding Cole. I was going to his gym, and I was moving on with my life. Self-inflicted incarceration had done me no good. Obviously.
Mad Dog: Like, NOW. I’m here! Come 2 Reeve’s room.
Me: On my way.
Mad Dog: Walk faster. Reeve’s annoying me.
Reeve: SHE LIES! I annoy no 1.
I stalked down the hall and up the stairs. Reeve occupied the entire top floor. I cleared the landing and sailed inside the first sitting room, an area decorated with pink, pink and more pink, coupled with mounds of lace and rows of ruffles. Every time I came up here, I thought that maybe Valentine’s Day had thrown up and this had been the result.
The bedroom door was open. The girls sat at the edge of the four-poster king (draped in pink satin). Reeve had her hand on Kat’s forehead. Kat was shaking her head in denial of something, her cheeks pale, dark circles under her eyes.
“Are you okay?” I asked her.
Hazel eyes found me, only to skitter away. “Not you, too. I missed out on my beauty z’s, that’s all.”
No. It was more than that. Lately, she’d had more bad days than good.
She returned her attention to me, looked me over and frowned. “But, uh, what’s wrong with you? I mean, I know you’ve been going through something you haven’t had the decency to share with us, but wow. You’re like death walking.”
“Kat!” Reeve said.
“What? It’s true.”
I attempted to scrub the discolorations from my skin. “I don’t know what happened, but I can’t get the smudges off.”
“Smudges? What smudges? You’re the same shade of snow-white as always—and that’s a compliment, by the way. You’re like a winter wonderland fairy, and I’d be eaten up with jealousy if—”
“You weren’t so in love with yourself,” Reeve interjected with a laugh.
“Exactly! You’ve seen me, right? God was on His A game when He made me, all, like, a dash of sexy here, a sprinkle of awesome there. It’s just...your eyes,” Kat said to me. “They’re more haunted than usual.”
The smudges had faded? That quickly? I stalked to the vanity mirror and leaned over, planting my palms on the surface scattered with makeup. My reflection stared back at me, the smudges just as dark as before. Disappointment hit me a split second before I realized something else was wrong. Something far worse.
I wasn’t smiling—but my reflection was.
Tick, tock.
I shook my head, blinked, but the image remained the same. Tick. Reeling, I reached up and patted my lips. Tock. The corners hadn’t somehow lifted without my knowledge. Tick.
No longer able to catch my breath, I straightened and turned away. What I’d just seen... The fault of my imagination, surely.
“I look normal to you?” I demanded.
“Sure. But you’ve lost a little weight your Nana’s chocolate chip cupcakes would fix—hint, hint, I want chocolate chip cupcakes,” Kat said at the same time Reeve said, “Totally.”
Confirmation. My imagination was at fault.
No big deal, I decided. Everything would calm down once I’d dealt with my stress load.
I licked my lips. First step: I had to stop pretending. “So...Cole and I broke up. We’re one hundred percent over. There’s no hope of us ever getting back together.”
“What?” Kat gasped, jolting to her feet. “What’d he do? And I know it’s all his fault, the jerk! I’ll kill him. I swear I will! Reeve, where are your Skittles?”
Reeve ignored her, her hand fluttering over her heart. “Oh, Ali. I’m so sorry.”
I jutted my chin, somehow able to maintain my calm. “Don’t be. That’s life.”
“But you guys were so happy. And he was spending the night with you,” Kat said, clearly reeling. “Bronx told Frosty he caught Cole sneaking out to come see you multiple times.”
I shook my head. “He might have snuck out and spent the night, but we never actually had sex.” Not even before my injury.
Mom had told me to wait for someone special. Someone who loved and appreciated me for more than my body, and wouldn’t run tattling to all his friends. Or hurt me. Or push for more than I was ready to give. Or abandon me if things got rough afterward. I’d thought Cole was that boy, but I must have sensed, deep down, he’d been holding a part of himself back.
Go me.
“He didn’t think we’d last,” I said, “and he didn’t like me enough to fight for me. It hurts, I’m so mad I could do serious damage to him, but I’m not going to break down.” Not again.
“Well, boys suck!” Kat flicked the length of her dark hair over one shoulder, truly angry on my behalf. “Ali, forget working out. Reeve, grab your keys and your dad’s credit card. We’re taking a girls’ day, and since he’s one of the enemy, he’s paying.”
“That seems fair. We just have to be back by six,” Reeve replied, standing. “I have a date—I mean, uh, I’m sorry, Ali.” Her dusky skin flushed, and her shoulders drooped with shame. “I shouldn’t have mentioned my date while you’re suffering and...I’m just so sorry.”
Oh, no, no, no. We weren’t going down the pity road. “Don’t you dare stop talking about your love life just because mine went up in flames.”
“Yeah. What she said. Even though I have a feeling mine will be going up in flames, too.” Kat toyed with the ends of her hair. “I don’t think Frosty will be willing to become a girl for me, and right now I’m totally giving up on dudes.”
Reeve shook her head in exasperation.
Me? I suddenly saw Kat through new eyes. She only ever talked about axing Frosty when she looked pale and withdrawn. In other words, when her kidneys were acting up. Fear was driving her, I realized, just like it had driven Cole. She probably felt vulnerable, desperate to protect herself.
Poor Kat. One day, Frosty might get tired of the hot-and-cold treatment and leave her.
Kat pointed a finger at Reeve. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten you’ve been sidestepping my questions about your mystery guy.”
“Maybe I’ll tell you about him. Maybe I won’t.” Dark amber eyes gleamed with challenge. “You guys aren’t the only ones who can keep secrets.”
Kat backed down; what else could she do? “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m probably the most open and honest girl in the world,” she muttered. “Just ask Ali.”
Both girls peered over at me, expectant.
Kat wanted confirmation. Reeve wanted me to spill our secrets.
“Didn’t someone mention a girls’ day?” I asked.
* * *
We had our hair cut and styled, had facials and bought makeup, perfume, clothes and shoes. Or rather, they bought those things. I was still saving my money and refused to spend Mr. Ankh’s. That didn’t deter the girls. Every time my back was turned, they purchased something else for me and stuffed it in my bag.
Through it all, I avoided mirrors. I couldn’t bring myself to look at my reflection, even though the girls raved about my appearance.
Sadly, I almost hyperventilated when Kat said, “A new you, for a new direction in life.”
Fine. I did hyperventilate, and it freaked out both girls. It was just, terror had wrapped cold, clammy hands around my neck and squeezed, shutting off my airways. The second heartbeat had become more noticeable, and the intense hunger had returned.
Reeve splashed water in my face, but that wasn’t what jolted me out of terror’s grip. As close as she was, I could smell her—such a sweet, mouthwatering perfume—and I wanted to bite her. So bad. The desire threw me into another tailspin. I plopped into a chair, holding on to the arms for dear life...her life...again struggling to breathe.
Kat called Frosty, thinking I needed medical help only the slayers could provide.
Frosty, Bronx, Lucas and Cole—please, anyone but Cole—arrived at the store fifteen minutes later, and all heads turned in their direction. Eyes widened. Women muttered excitedly. Grown men backed away.
“What’s he doing here?” Kat hissed.
The ringing in my ears was finally fading, allowing me to make out her words.
“Sheathe the claws, Kitten,” Frosty said. “We weren’t sure what we were dealing with. And what did you do to your hair?”
“Duh. I fixed it.”
“But I liked it the way it was.”
“Say one more word, I dare you, and I’ll shave it all off. Your ex-girlfriend will be bald.”
“You aren’t my ex,” he said flatly.
I’d never heard him use that tone with her. And yet, their familiar chatter helped soothe me, and the urge to bite Reeve at last diminished. What the heck was wrong with me?
Then Cole was crouching in front of my chair, and the rest of the world was forgotten. Embarrassment burned my cheeks. Wet strands of hair stuck to my forehead and cheeks. My T-shirt had a water ring around the collar.
I met his gaze, not expecting a vision this time and not getting one. I was careful to keep my features blank. Seconds...minutes...maybe hours passed...but he didn’t do what I needed him to do and leave.
Please leave.
Then something happened. The same something that happened every time we were together.
The air around us came to life, thickening with awareness. My skin prickled in the most delicious way.
I didn’t like it—because I liked it so much.
He must have felt it, too, because he looked away.
Thankful for the reprieve, I scrutinized his body language. His fingers were next to mine, twitching on the arms of the chair, as if he wanted to reach for me but was fighting the impulse.
Did he want to reach for me?
My gaze lifted of its own accord.
He was staring at me again. Only he was staring far more intently, that violet gaze drilling into me, trying to burrow past skin and into soul to search for answers I didn’t have.
“I didn’t need the dark knight to race to my rescue,” I sniped. “I’m fine.”
“Ali,” he said on a sigh. “You’re not fine. Kat said you couldn’t breathe.”
“As you can see, I’m over it.” I was proud of my seeming calm. “You can leave now.”
Concern darkened his features, poking at my anger.
He had no right to feel concern for me.
“Why couldn’t you breathe, Ali?”
“Does it really matter?”
At last he reached up, intending to cup my cheeks the way he used to. Just before contact he caught himself. His hands returned to the arms of the chair, caging me in, making me shiver—and hate myself. “Let Ankh run a few tests.”
“No.” I had been wrong to think I could face Cole today. It was too soon. Especially if he was going to be nice.
Why was he being nice?
“We’re done here.” I pushed him out of the way and stood on shaky legs. Frosty was scrubbing his knuckles into Kat’s scalp while she laughed and batted at his arm. Bronx and Reeve were in the midst of a glaring contest.
“We have more to do,” I said to the girls. Then I marched away without another word, my coat and bags hanging at my sides.
Both Kat and Reeve followed me, ditching the boys without hesitation.
“So...did you know that sleeping with twelve different guys is the same thing as sleeping with, like, four thousand?” Kat asked, breaking the silence, the tension.
I could have hugged her. She hadn’t mentioned our guys, and wasn’t going to. She was trying to distract me.
“No way,” Reeve said.
We cleared the doors of the mall, entered the coolness of the day. I pulled on the coat.
Kat nodded. “I crunched the numbers myself. I’m eighty-three percent sure that I’m one hundred percent sure that my math is perfect. See, if you sleep with a guy, you’ve then been with everyone he’s been with and everyone his other partners have been with and everyone their partners have been with. It goes on and on.” She held up one finger. “Frosty is my only, but he’s been with others and I’m sure they’ve been with others, so, I’m guessing I’ve been with at least fifty people—is there a scarlet letter on my forehead?”
“I wonder how many girls Bronx has gotten into bed,” Reeve muttered.
“Bronx? Did you say Bronx? Because I could have sworn you told me you’re over him and seeing someone else,” Kat quipped.
Reeve pursed her lips.
I took a breath—held it. Exhaled, slowly. Mist formed in front of my face. My first real post-breakup encounter with Cole was now history. I’d survived with the tiniest shred of dignity, and that was more than I’d expected. I was going to be okay.
A twentysomething guy stepped into our path, blocking us. We drew to a halt as he said, “Hey, pretty girl,” with a wide, toothy grin aimed at Kat. “How about some company, hmm?”
Another guy pressed into his side. He eyed Reeve up and down as if she were a stick of cotton candy and he was dying from a sweet tooth.
“No, thanks,” she said, and tried to inch around him.
He moved with her, continuing to block her. “Wait. You don’t want to go until we’ve exchanged numbers, do you?”
The other guy leaned down to sniff Kat’s neck. “My own personal brand of crack, right there.”
“Quoting romance novels?” Scowling, she leaned back, out of reach. “Lesson of the day—you don’t smell a girl until she gives you permission. Ever. It makes you a creeper.”
He pouted.
I doubted the two were dangerous. I actually thought they were going for sexy and charming rather than disturbing. And maybe I could have tried to reach a verbal resolution with them. Maybe not.
Despite being “okay,” anger still pulled at an already thin tether.
Nope. Wrong. The tether snapped.
I jabbed my palm into his nose, and cartilage shattered. Blood spurted. Cursing, his friend grabbed hold of my arm. To stop me from running—unnecessary—or to stop me from another attack, I wasn’t sure. I only knew he’d made a mistake. I clamped onto his wrist and twisted with all of my strength, forcing his body to turn with the motion to save the bone from breaking.
Before he could lurch free, I kicked the back of his knee, sending him to the ground. An elbow to the temple finished him off, and he collapsed the rest of the way. He sprawled on the concrete, motionless.
Satisfaction filled me, followed swiftly by guilt.
“Come on,” I said. I tugged the lapels of my coat closer as I walked away.
“That was both cool and frightening,” Kat said with a shudder, keeping pace with me. “I don’t know whether to pat you on the back or run and hide.”
“Where did you learn how to do that?” Reeve asked, her gaze darting back to the boys.
“Col— Around.” My gaze landed on the tattoo shop across the street. Bright red letters—TATTIE’S INK—flashed on and off.
I stopped.
The girls backtracked.
“I want one,” I found myself saying.
“One what?” Kat asked.
“A tattoo.” The slayers marked themselves with the names of the loved ones they’d lost in the war against the zombies, or symbols to represent them. I had none, yet I’d lost my parents, my sister and my grandfather.
Bad Ali.
“I want one,” I said again, more confident this time. I headed across the street.
The girls followed after me.
“What are you going to get?” Kat asked, clapping happily. “A skull and crossbones? Snake fangs dripping with blood? A unicorn?”
“This is a mistake,” Reeve said.
A bell jingled over the door as I entered. The walls were covered with art, pictures of lions and tigers, dragons and aliens. Hearts. Stars. The sun, the moon, fish and lightning. Naked women. It was overwhelming.
A heavily tattooed man with piercings all over his face stood behind the counter, cleaning equipment. He glanced up, grunted with disdain. “You guys even close to eighteen?”
“No,” Reeve and I said in unison.
“Yes,” Kat said, and elbowed me.
He dried his hands on a rag. “You’ll need a permission slip from your parents, and you’ll need at least one parent present.”
Kat offered her sweetest grin and wound her arm around my waist. “We knew that. That’s why I’m here. I’m her mother, and I’ll sign whatever form you’ve got.”
A gleam of amusement in his eyes. “She must take after her father.”
“All of my children do,” Kat quipped.
His gaze landed on me. “Let me guess. You want a flower. Or a butterfly.”
Not quite. “I want a white rabbit,” I said.
He thought it over, shrugged and slid a pad and pen in Kat’s direction. “Fill this out all properlike for your daughter, since I’m guessing your IDs will tell me you have different last names, and you,” he said to me, “come on back. I think I have something you’ll dig.”
“Ali,” Reeve said, latching onto my wrist. “A tattoo is permanent.”
Yeah, and mine would be the only permanent thing in my life. Nana wouldn’t live forever. And, as I’d been told time and time again by Mr. Ankh, the moment Reeve learned about the zombies she would be ripped out of my life. Not even the vivacious Kat was guaranteed a tomorrow.
“I have to do this.” I pulled from her grip to trail Artist Guy behind a crimson curtain. There were several rooms, each blocked by one of those curtains. He led me to the one in back, swept the fabric aside and motioned to a lounge chair. I sat.
He flipped through an art book. When he found what he was searching for, he showed me the page. “What do you think?”
“I like the ears of this one,” I said, pointing. “But the body of this one, and the tail of that one.” Perfect for Emma. “Also, I’ll want a second tattoo. Two daggers in the shape of a cross.” I could think of no better representation of my parents. I wasn’t sure what I’d get to represent Pops, though. His would have to wait.
Artist Guy frowned and set the book aside. “I’ll have to draw both from scratch, and that’s gonna cost extra.”
“I’m fine with that.” For the first time today, I wasn’t going to worry about spending the allowance Nana had given me. I removed my coat, pushed up the sleeves of my shirt.
He peered at my pale, unmarked flesh and shook his head. “All right, then, where do you want them? Exactly?”
“One on each wrist. And I want them to face me, not the people looking at me.” I wanted to be able to see the designs without having to contort.
What would Nana say when she saw them?
“I’ve got to sketch what you want, so give me about...oh, half an hour.” He left without another word.
An opportunity to leave. Not going to happen.
I closed my eyes and counted.
By the time he returned, I’d reached 1,532. I wondered what Kat and Reeve were doing in the lobby.
He gathered the necessary supplies and sat beside me.
“Still want to do this?” he asked. “Because once I start, there will be no backing out.”
“Absolutely.”
He used a piece of paper to transfer the first image onto my wrist. I saw big ears standing tall, a fat body and a bushy tail, just like the rabbits Emma had created in the sky time and time again to warn me of coming zombie attacks.
“Perfect,” I said, a bit surprised.
“I only do perfect work.” He sounded offended.
“Prove it.”
My snark clearly surprised him, and he shook his head. “You know this will hurt, right?”
“I’ve known hurt. This will be nothing.”
He snorted. “Sure, princess. Whatever you say.”
Leaning over me, gun in hand, he got to work. And okay, it hurt more than I’d anticipated, stinging and throbbing, but a part of me welcomed the pain. I liked that I was feeling something other than anger and panic.
Panic. The word got stuck in my mind, echoing.
I’d panicked earlier.
I’d panicked big-time.
Mr. Ankh had been right, hadn’t he? The episodes were panic attacks, triggered by...what? Emotion? Maybe. I was living with the guilt of knowing Emma’s life would be forever unfulfilled. The ache of forging a new one for myself as the old one burned behind me. The uncertainty of navigating a spiritual world I’d been unprepared for. The fear of the unknown.
But emotions couldn’t be the full story. Otherwise I’d never have moments of calm. I thought back. Lying in my bed, after Cole had walked out on me, I’d lamented about the new direction of my life. Then, boom, the panic had come. Then, later on, Kat had mentioned the newness of my appearance and boom, panic again.
New things.
Change, I realized. The thought of change had to be the trigger.
And okay. All right. Now that I knew, I could deal. But...
That wasn’t the full story, either. It couldn’t be. Panic failed to explain the double heartbeats...the hunger...and the fact that I’d wanted to bite Reeve. And what if I’d been wrong about the smudges? What if they weren’t part of my imagination, but this...whatever this was?
That would mean...what?
I didn’t know, but one thing was certain. More changes loomed on the horizon.
Just like that, perspiration beaded on my brow and upper lip, and an invisible elephant sat down on my chest. The pressure... I struggled to breath, barely even able to wheeze.
“Hey, are you okay?” the guy asked me.
“Fine,” I managed to huff. “Just hurry.”
“You don’t rush quality. And I told you it would hurt.”
My sister was my calming force, so I drew her image to the front of my mind, concentrating on her. I saw a mass of straight, dark hair. Sun-kissed skin. A mischievous gleam in her dark eyes.
“You’re the prettiest girl in the whole world, Alice,” she said, beaming up at me.
“No, brat, that would be you,” I replied, gently tapping the tip of her nose.
“No way. A boy at my school told me he heard his dad say only blondes are worth doing.”
“First, I never want to hear you say the words worth doing again. Do you even know what that means? Second, that boy’s dad is an idiot. And a pig!”
So hungry... Must eat...
The whispery voice intruded on the memory, and I frowned at Artist Guy. “Did you say something?”
He didn’t glance up, even as he moved to my other wrist. “Nope.”
Hungry. Hungry! HUNGRY!
I shook my head, as if my mind had somehow locked on a different radio frequency and a little motion would change the channel back. But it didn’t, and I found I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the vulnerability of Artist Guy’s now-glowing neck.
“Be still,” he commanded.
“I’m sorry. I just... Did you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
“That voice. That whisper.”
He paused long enough to dab at a bead of blood with a cotton ball. “Great. The pretty princess is one of the crazies. I should have known.”
Bite him. Feed on him.
“Emma,” I said.
“You want me to add a name?” he asked.
“No.”
My sister appeared a few seconds later. “You’re getting tattoos?” she squealed. Then she saw my face, and the excitement was replaced by concern. “Alice?”
“Something’s wrong with me,” I told her.
“I know.” Artist Guy sighed. “That’s what I just said.”
“Cole?” she asked.
I snapped my teeth, then glanced at Artist Guy, trying to show her what the problem was.
“You want to bite him?”
I nodded.
Frowning, she traced her fingers through my hair, and the urge to bite instantly vanished, thrilling me...baffling me. “I’ll ask around and return when I’ve learned something.”
She disappeared. And maybe I passed out from relief. I don’t know. One moment I was relaxed in my seat; the next Artist Guy was saying, “All right. All done. What do you think?”
I opened my eyes to see he was setting the equipment aside. I waited for the voice or urge to return, but...there was only silence. No hunger. I uttered a quiet prayer of thanks.
He crossed his arms and watched my expression. “Well?”
The ink was perfect, as promised, and exactly what I’d wanted. The white rabbit was on one side, and the daggers on the other. The skin around the ink was red and swollen, though, and throbbed insistently.
“They’re wonderful.”
Grunting with satisfaction, he smothered each with ointment, then covered them with bandages. “Remove the dressing in about an hour and add more ointment. Keep the ink clean, but don’t take long showers or baths for at least two weeks.”
“Okay.”
He ushered me to the front of the building, where Kat and Reeve waited.
Grinning when she spotted me, Kat jumped up and clapped. “Let me see, let me see!”
Reeve stood more slowly, as if she wanted to avoid looking at the tattoos as long as possible.
“Give me a minute to pay,” I said.
The moment we were outside, I peeled back the bandages.
“Very cool! Cole will regret the day he let you get away,” Kat said. As we climbed into Reeve’s Porsche, she added, “I’m making it my life’s mission. Well, that, and torturing Frosty.”
I claimed the center of the backseat and buckled up. “Where are we going now?”
“To Reeve’s. Then you and I are going to Cole’s—uh, house, yes, to his house to work out,” Kat said. “You’re going to train me, as promised. No more treadmilling. And yes, I just turned a noun into a verb.”
“Train you?” Reeve eased the car into traffic. “For what? I mean, I know you guys have been working out a lot, but I’d had no idea there was a purpose to it.”
“Self-defense,” I replied. “Like what I did today.”
Kat nodded. “Only maybe not so hard-core.”
“I promised I’d teach you,” I said, flickers of dread lighting me up, “and I will. Just...not today.” I wanted to go home and wait for Emma.
“Well, I’d like to learn, too,” Reeve said.
“Uh...hmm.” I peered out the window, watching as cars whizzed past. Trees. Power lines. “I’d love to include you, but you’ll have to get permission from your dad first.”
Her brow furrowed. “He’ll say yes.”
Not even if she begged him.
“I mean, why would he say no? Especially after what happened today,” she added.
My gaze snagged on a cloud in the sky—a cloud cut in the shape of a rabbit. The zombies would invade tonight. I frowned. Was I ready?
Better question: Would I be invited to help?
“Uh, guys. I think someone’s following us,” Reeve said, her voice trembling with apprehension. “What if it’s the guys from the mall? What should I do?”
I turned in my seat, peering out the back window. “Call—” I stopped myself before I said his name. “Which car?”
“A black SUV, dark-tinted windows.”
It was two slots back, on the left. As big as it was, six people could be inside. The odds weren’t great, but they weren’t terrible, either. “Take the next exit ramp and pull over.”
“What!” she and Kat demanded in unison.
“Just do it. Please.” I was armed. I was also in a terrible mood.
If Anima hoped to scare me, they’d soon learn the error of such a fruitless endeavor. If the guys from the shopping center craved revenge, I’d give them something else to cry about. If this was just one big misunderstanding, I’d make sure it never happened again.
Reeve obeyed, reluctantly, and the moment the car came to a stop, I palmed my daggers and jumped out of the car. The SUV had tracked us off the highway and slowed down as it approached us. A window rolled down.
“Miss Bell,” said a man I’d never before met. He was old enough to be my grandfather, with a full head of salt-and-pepper hair, thick glasses, an aquiline nose and dark brown skin. “I’d like a word with you.”
He knew my name, and he’d come at me in the most secretive of ways. He had to be a Hazmat.
I didn’t need to know any more than that. I threw one of my daggers, just as Cole had taught me, and the tip embedded in one of the SUV’s tires. Air hissed out.
The man scowled at me. “Was that really necessary?”
“Probably not.” I held up my other dagger. “I doubt what I do next will be, either, but I’m sure it’ll be fun.”
He flashed me a look full of disappointment. “Very well. When you’re curious about your condition, you’ll have to come to me.” He tossed a card out the window, and as the paper floated to the ground, the SUV sped away.

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