My Babies and Me
My Babies and Me
Tara Taylor Quinn
By the Year 2000: BABY!What have you resolved to do by the year 2000?Susan Kennedy's going to have a babyby the time she turns forty. Which is in the year 2000. It's something she's wantedplannedfor the past decade. Now she's got everything she needs to go ahead. A nice home, a successful career, a loving family. Everything except for a husband.She used to have a husbandMichael Kennedyand that's the man she wants for her baby's father. She only needs Michael's "biological" contribution, though.But then, when Susan's pregnant, she discovers two unexpected complications:1. She loves Michael more than ever and wants him to be her husband againand a father to his child.2. There isn't goin to be one baby, but twoshe's having twins!
Im going to have a baby, Michael. (#u409eba6c-440d-55ab-9033-3dcfb599328f)Letter to Reader (#u60b19c6c-08f9-5e50-9ca5-c4a55ce5102a)Title Page (#ufc5e7929-7b53-50b4-bdad-1ff3c352e330)Dedication (#u678b3326-3182-5512-8bb9-4fd870fbb902)CHAPTER ONE (#ubc25f8c8-c5f4-5b4a-acaf-a092b8d43fbf)CHAPTER TWO (#ufcc90933-bf89-51cb-b37a-91e6cef28f71)CHAPTER THREE (#u4b53b525-8bfc-521a-8917-c1ff7187de4f)CHAPTER FOUR (#uc1b7f56d-2e92-5aba-9239-9f4345d8837c)CHAPTER FIVE (#u847b4e1d-cc52-5df0-a5f4-c4d704aaef89)CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER FIFTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER SIXTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER SEVENTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER EIGHTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Im going to have a baby, Michael.
What did you say?
She lay there, gazing up at him, the oddest expression on her face. Im going to have a baby.
You... are. He couldnt, for the moment, think of anything more intelligent to say.
Still wearing that odd expression, Susan nodded.
Who is he? The babys father.
I dont know yet.
Whirling, he faced her. Thered been more than one man? Well, when are you going to find out?
Im not sure. She paused. Youre angry, arent you?
Okay, yeah, Im angry. Im angry as hell at the irresponsibility of whatever man did this to you.
She frowned. Did what to me?
Michael swore, out of all patience. Got you pregnant, of course.
Susan laughed. Shocking him. In the first place, Michael, a man cant get me pregnant all by himself. And in the second, Im not pregnantyet. And in the third place, I havent slept with anyone but you in my entire life.
Dear Reader,
Im delighted to bring you this BY THE YEAR 2000 story. Though Im still in my thirties and have a thirteen-year-old daughter, I relate so much to Susan and her dilemma. A womans independence is a precious thingsomething not easily won or sustained, yet essential to her becoming the person she was meant to be. The trick, of course, is to find the independence and then learn how to be interdependent without losing anything. Because just as never finding independence is only half living, living only with independence is not experiencing life to the fullest, either. Like many women, I teeter on this line often as I struggle to be a mother, a wife, a friend, a writer.
But Susan showed me how its done. I believe in her. And, like Susan, I believe we can have it all if were determined enough, work hard enoughand remember not to take ourselves so seriously all the time.
I wish every one of you a new century of happy lives and happy relationship.
Tara Taylor Quinn
P.S. I love to hear from readers. You can reach me at P.O.
Box 15065, Scottsdale, Arizona 85267-5065 or on-line at
http://www.inficad.com/~ttquinn.
My Babies and Me
Tara Taylor Quinn
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
For Deanna Reames and David Reames.
A woman couldnt ask for better in-laws.
CHAPTER ONE
WILL YOU have my baby?
No. Susan Kennedy shook her head, her layered shoulder-length hair tickling her neck and cheeks. That wasnt quite the line she wanted.
Can I have your baby?
Nope. She dusted the buttons on the telephone with one long slim finger. Misleading. Her ability to have a baby wasnt in question.
So how about May I have your baby?
She toyed with that one, actually dialed Chicagos area code before disconnecting this time. Her goal wasnt to ask his permission but to request his participation in the most monumental event of her life. At the same time she had to make it clearabundantly, in-your-face clearthat she was asking nothing from him.
Other than the initial ten-minute participation. Grinning, Susan amended that last thought. There was no way any physical shenanigans between her and Michael would take less than an hour. They did sex very well.
Which probably meant she was asking for more like two hours of his time. Michael always claimed Susan had a way of making everything seem easier than it really was. Shorter than it was. Less expensive than it was. When shed budgeted one thousand dollars for their trip to the Poconos, hed counted on two.
Damn thing was, shed somehow managed to run through every dime of the two-thousand dollars, just as hed predicted. And Michael, being Michael, had never said a word.
Stupid, smug man.
Stupid enough to father her child? In spite of the fact that theyd been divorced almost as long as theyd been married?
He had to. Period. No other option was acceptable.
So how did she convince him of that?
How about Would you lend me a sperm? That didnt sound like too much to ask. And lend seemed so harmless, so...not-permanent.
But she wasnt planning on giving it back.
All the more reason to call him today. Because lend wasnt what she wanted at all. She wanted him to give it to her, willingly and for keeps, and as Michael always gave her wonderful gifts for her birthday...
January 21. Her birthday. She glanced at the office around her, the plaques on her walls, the windows overlooking the icy Ohio River, Cincinnati, Ohio and Louisville, Kentucky all at once. Sinking into the soft leather of the high-backed maroon chair, she sighed and hung up the phone. Gloomy suddenly, she reached down to pet the red setter snoring on the floor at her feet. She couldnt believe she was actually thirty-nine years old. For a person whod always loved birthdays, she was doing a damn good imitation of hating this one.
Someone dropped a coffee cup in the hall. Hearing it break, Susan hoped it had been empty. Annie, the setter who made her way to Susans office every morning, didnt even budge at the noise. The dog was getting old, too, nearly thirteen. Susans soul mate.
She didnt kid herself, though. In spite of the fact that Susan had known Annie since puppyhood, the dog didnt come to her every morning out of some incredible bonding experience theyd shared. No, Annie just preferred Susans soft carpet to the cold but beautiful ceramic tile that covered the other floors of Hallidays. It was one of the largest, privately owned sporting goods supply companies in the world.
Susan jumped as the phone rang, echoing in her bright, luxurious, tomblike office.
Hello? She grabbed it after the first ring, eager for distraction, praying it wasnt Michael calling to wish her a happy birthday. She wasnt ready to speak with her ex-husband. Not yet.
Hey, old woman, how about lunch?
Seth? Holding the phone away from her ear, Susan grinned. You in town?
Havent missed a birthday yet, have I?
Well... Susan used her best corporate attorneys voice to disguise how thrilled she was that hed made it back. I seem to recall there were those first two...
Seth snorted. Before I was born doesnt count.
Annie rose slowly and lumbered out to the hall, and as loneliness invaded the room, Susans spirits plummeted again. Lunch would be good. Can you go now? she asked.
At 9:30 in the morning? Seth laughed, then stopped abruptly. Something wrong?
Nope. Just dont feel like working today. Which was something wrong.
Ive got one call to make, and Ill be there, Seth promised immediately.
Thanks. Tears in her eyes, Susan hung up the phone. As much of a pain as it had been growing up the only girl with five brothers, Susan was glad she had Seth. He was two years younger, the brother who came directly after her. Shed picked on him all the years theyd lived at home. Shed known she could get away with tormenting him. After all, Susan was the girl, the princess. And while she wasnt allowed to do any of the fun things they didlike go to the batting cages or play catch or go golfingthe boys were all under strict orders not to bully her. So shed bullied Seth relentlessly. Even when hed topped her by a foot and forty pounds.
She wasnt sure just when shed started leaning on him instead.
THANKS FOR meeting with me, Michael. James Coppel, of Coppel Industries, offered Michael Kennedy his hand.
Im happy to be here, sir, Michael shook his hand before taking a seat in Coppels penthouse office suite. Hed just flown in from Chicago.
Although he was careful to do it covertly, Michael took in the opulence around him, his heart rate quickening. Susan should see this, was his first thought. Only his ex-wife could understand the importance of his being there, in that affluent Georgia office suite. Only she would know what it meant to him. He caught a glimpse of himself in an ornate, gold-framed mirror that took up most of the opposite wall and was surprised by his reflection. Well-groomed, dark-haired, he looked...at ease. As if he belonged there.
Would you like some coffee? Coppel asked, relaxing in his chair as he surveyed Michael. The mans hair might have grayed, his skin wrinkled, but hed lost not an inch of his imposing six-foot height in the seven years Michael had known him.
Certainly, Michael replied. He wasnt a coffee drinker, didnt like what the stuff did to his stomach, but hed been in business long enough to know that he had to appear as relaxed as his boss.
Though close to seventy, Coppel was a legend. A genius. The man had never missed a beat in the forty years since hed purchased his first exterminating franchise. Hed built an empire that had interests in just about every industry in the country. Other than film. Coppel had even been smart enough to stay out of Hollywood.
If Michael had ever allowed himself an idol, Coppel would have been it.
The coffee was delivered and with one polished wing tip resting on a suited knee, Michael sat back to calmly sip the dreadful stuff.
How old are you, boy?
Thirty-nine. Legally, Coppel had no right to ask that kind of question, and .they both knew it.
And youve been with Smythe and Westbourne for how long?
Michael would bet every dime of the half million hed saved over the past seven years that Coppel knew exactly how long Michael had been with the Coppel Industries investment firm. To the day.
Seven years.
And in that time youve gone from director of finance of one branch to financial director of the entire operation, showing a three hundred percent increase over the past two years.
Yes, sir. Michael was damn proud of those figures. Theyd cost him. A lot.
Mind telling me your secret?
Michael knew hed finally been asked a legitimate question. A question he could answer with deceptive simplicity. Integrity toward the customer.
Coppel snorted. I run an honest ship, young man. Always have. How do you think Coppel became the name it is? Honest business in a dishonest world. Thats how.
And that was something Michael had known. Even before hed earned his MBA, Michael had chosen the company for which he wanted to work. And set about being the candidate theyd choose when the time came.
I take that one step further, sir, he said now, no longer aware of the opulence of the room or the other mans stature.
He had Coppels complete attention.
Each customer is different, with individual needs. My teams have been taught to treat the customer as a person, to sell him not what we have to sellnot what, in the short run, makes us the most profitbut what he truly needs. It hurts the small picture, sometimes, when we dont make a killing right off the bat. But in the big picture
They go away happy, Coppel interrupted him, eyeing Michael with interest. They come back. They bring their neighbors with them.
Over and over again, Michael said with the conviction of seven years worth of figures to prove his theory.
Lose money to make money, Coppel said.
Sometimes.
Building a whole new level of trust, a new approach to doing businesswhich, I suppose is really an old-time traditional approach.
At least at Smythe and Westbourne.
The other man nodded. So you think you can determine what the customer wants.
I do.
How? Coppel might be testing him, but he was intrigued as well.
By becoming the buyer instead of the seller.
Coppel nodded, his brow clearing. You put yourself in the shoes of the consumer.
And realize that just as all people arent the same, all consumers and their needs arent the same, either.
Looking down at some papers spread in front of him, Coppel said, You appear to have a real talent in this area.
Michael didnt know about that. He thought his real talent lay in profit-and-loss margins and personal infrastructures.
What about your family? Coppel asked. How much of your time do they require?
And for the first time since hed been summoned to this interview more than a month ago, Michael allowed himself to hope. He wanted a move up to one of the bigger, more diverse companies in the Coppel holdings. He needed a new challenge.
None, sir, he said with the confidence of knowing he had the right answer. Im divorced.
No children? It was a well-known fact that Coppel didnt believe a man should desert his children. Which was why hed never had any of his own.
None.
Nodding, Coppel broke into a small, satisfied smile.
You have anybody else who might want a say on your time?
You got a lover? Michael read into the question.
No.
He saw women occasionally, but hed been sleeping with Susan again, on and off, over the past three years, although theyd been divorced for seven. He couldnt seem to find a passion for anyone else.
Any dependents at all?
What is this? Michael shifted in his seat, suddenly uncomfortable. He sent a sizable amount of money to his parents and brother and sisters back in Carlisle, but that was nobodys business except his.
Why?
Eyes narrowed, Coppel sat forward. Im thinking about offering you a new position, a move from a subsidiary company to Coppel Industries itself.
Michael didnt move a muscle. Didnt breathe.
But the position I have in mind would require constant travel, and I wont even consider offering it if that meant youd be shirking personal commitments. I dont break up families.
Coppel had come from a broken family, had his father run out on him, been forced to quit school and provide for his ailing mother. Hed entered high school at nineteen after his mother passed away. Hed put himself through college exterminating bugs, and the rest was history. Not only history, but public knowledge now that Coppel was one of the top businessmen in the country.
I have no one, Michael said.
HE MADE HIMSELF WAIT until he was pacing the gate at the airport before calling Susan. Just to keep things in perspective.
Only to find that she wasnt in her office. A hotshot corporate attorney, Susan was out slaying dragons as often as she was in.
Picturing his ex-wife in her dragon-slaying mode, he grinned as he hung up the phone.
I WANT to have a baby.
Seth spit the whiskey hed been sipping, spraying it across the table. What?
Laughing, Susan wiped a couple of drops of Crown Royal from her neck. At least her silk blouse and suit jacket had been spared. Its not like you to waste good whiskey, she admonished. Actually, she was a little concerned on that score. It was still only eleven. A bit early for her brother to be hitting the hard stuff. Hed ordered a drink the last time theyd met for lunch, as well.
Leaning across the table, Seth whispered, Are you out of your mind?
Not as far as I know.
Susan. He sat upright, every inch the imposing engineer who flew all over the country inspecting multimillion-dollar construction sights. Be serious.
I dont think Ive ever been more serious in my life. She was still grinning, but mostly because if she didnt, she might let him intimidate her.
Why?
Im thirty-nine. Neither of them touched the sandwiches theyd ordered.
Yeah. So?
Susan shrugged. If I dont do it now, Ill have lost the chance.
Thats no reason to have a kid. Youre supposed to want it.
I do. Oddly enough.
Picking up a fry, Seth still looked completely overwrought. Since when?
Since I graduated from law school.
He stared at her, fry suspended in midair. No kidding? Shed obviously surprised him.
I have it all written down. She spoke quickly, eager to elaborate, to convince him that her decision was a good one. The right one. To win his approval. How could she possibly hope to convince Michael if she couldnt even get the brother who championed everything she did on her side?
Before I married Michael, I spent a weekend at a lodge in Kentucky, assessing my life, my goals, my dreams. Life was suddenly looming before me and I was scared. She warmed beneath Seths empathetic gaze. Frightened that Id lose myself along the way somehow. Her brother nodded, looking down at the plate between his elbows.
By the end of the weekend, Id mapped out all my goals, both short- and long-term, in chronological order. Seth was staring at her again, his expression no longer empathetic. Unlike the sophisticated lawyer she was, she rushed on. It was the only way I could be sure I wouldnt let myself down, wouldnt end up sixty years old and regretting what Id done with my lifewhen it was too late to do anything about it. Like their mother, she wanted to add but couldnt. The boys didnt know about those last hours shed spent with their mother before she died. No one knew. Except Michael.
Seth continued to stare silently. I wrote down career goals first, she said, then took a sip of her brothers whiskey. Where I wanted to be by what time. Financial goals. Work goals. Personnal goals. For instance, I wanted to be able to play the violin by the time I was thirty-five.
Thats why you took those lessons?
Because I wanted to learn how to play? Yes.
But did you still want to play the violin when you got to that stage in your life? Seth asked, pinning her with a big-brother stare he had no right to bestow on her. Or did you just take the lessons because youd written down that you had to?
I wanted to learn to play. Shed just been unusually busy that year, which was the only reason she hadnt enjoyed the experience as much as shed thought she would.
When was the last time you picked up your violin?
That was beside the point. Shed been too busy these past four years.
I wanted to travel to Europe by the time I was thirty-six. She steered Seth back to the original conversation. And, she added before he could grill her, I loved every second of the month I spent there.
Of course, shed been with Michael, and as a general rule, she loved every second shed spent with Michael, period. Theyd even made getting divorced fun. Theyd rushed straight home afterward, tripped over his packing boxes on the way to their bedroom and made love furiously until dawn.
Seth chomped on a couple of fries. Brooding. His classically golden good looks were broken by the frown he was wearing.
Ive always known Id have a baby by the year 2000, Susan said softly, seriously, begging her brother to understand.
Listen to you! Learn to play an instrument, go to Europe, have a baby by the year 2000. Its ludicrous, Susan. When his intensity didnt sway her, he slowed down. What happens after you have this baby? he finally asked.
Then I raise him or her.
You cant just bring a child into the world because some stupid plan tells you to, Susan.
Who says I cant? Not exactly an answer to be proud of, but he was making her defensive.
You arent mother material, for Gods sake! Cant you see that?
She opened her mouth but couldnt speak. Not one word came out. She just sat there, mouth gaping, staring at him.
Until her eyes filled with tears. How can you say that?
Im sorry, sis. He glanced away, took a sip of whiskey. I love you, you know that.
Shed thought she did.
Look at your life, Susan, all mapped out, running right on schedule. The last thing children do is follow your schedule. They shouldnt have to. They should be free to follow their own way, their own hearts. And they need parents who can give them the time, the freedom of choice to do so.
Like youd know? she asked, still hurt by his sudden abandonment.
He acknowledged his own lack of family with a nod. I do know, he said, surprising her with his fierceness. Which is exactly why Im so goddamn alone. He finished off his whiskey with one swallow.
Seth?
There was a lot more going on here than she knew. A lot more that she needed to know.
Not now, was all he said, flagging down the waitress for another whiskey.
Susan pushed her plate away, untouched. Shed had breakfast at nine. It was way too early to be thinking about eating again.
Theres another factor thats missing here. Unless something else has happened since I left town.
Susan shook her head. Life had been predictable, the same, for months now.
A baby needs a father. Seths voice was strong again. He made a show of glancing around them. I dont see one hanging around.
Susan took a deep breath. Im going to ask Michael.
Eyes suddenly alight, Seth grinned and grabbed her hand. You two are getting back together?
She couldnt hold his gaze, couldnt watch it dim. Sliding her hand from his, Susan shook her head. Of course not. Nothings changed there.
Careers still come first, you mean? he asked.
Susan nodded, awash in the sadness she felt emanating from her younger brother.
My point exactly. He finished off the second whiskey. A kid deserves to come first.
CHAPTER TWO
SO THIS BABY THING is the reason you didnt feel like working today? Seth asked as he walked her to her car fifteen minutes later. He seemed huge and intimidating in his expensive overcoat.
And he was making her mad again with his refusal to take her seriously about the baby. If she couldnt convince Seth, how in hell was she ever going to convince Michael? But because she didnt want to face the fact that she might not be able to convince either one of them, Susan let his comment go.
To a point.
No, she finally answered him, studying the shadowy trail her breath left on the air.
Theyd reached her Infiniti, and Seth opened the door shed unlocked with her antitheft device as theyd approached. Ive actually got a small problem at work that was making me wish I was somewhere else this morning.
A small problem? Seth leaned into the car, one arm on the hood, one on the open door. That means theres something major coming down. What is it? He paused, frowning again. Your job isnt in jeopardy, is it?
Susan laughed then, but without much humor. Hardly. They both knew she could write her own ticket as far as Halliday Headgear for Sports was concerned. Shed saved them enough money over the years to buy them out twice.
Then what is it?
Just a case Im working on. No big deal. Susan started the car, turning the heat up full blast.
Is Halliday in trouble?
Nope.
You going to tell me, or you want me to just keep asking questions until my ass freezes?
Its nothing, really. Susan grinned up at him. Just a little suit I could have won even before I attended law school.
And?
It was annoying how well Seth knew her. Shed have to remember to stay away from him when she was having birthday blues in the future. I just feel for this boy, okay? His face mask snapped, a production problem with one of the hinges. The kid suffered a subdural hematoma which is pushing against his brain, causing paralysis on one side of his body. His fathers out of work and the family doesnt have insurance. They dont have money for surgery, let alone the months of physical therapy hes going to need.
If his face mask malfunctioned, isnt Halliday responsible?
We would be if hed been wearing it to play softballthe masks intended use.
Why was he wearing it?
Susan looked up at her brother. He was playing soccer.
Hallidays getting off on a technicality?
A big one.
And the kid?
Susan shrugged. I dont know. Even if the surgerys performed, hes not going to be able to walk again without rehabilitation. She took a deep breath. I could win this one for him if I were on his side. I know of a loophole that would override ours. Damn! Seth whistled. You sure as hell dont need to be wasting energy worrying about babies, Susan. Sounds like youve got some soul-searching to do a lot closer to home.
Yeah. Shed be doing some soul-searching, all right, but having a baby was about as close to home as she could get.
A MESSAGE FROM Michael was waiting for her back at the office. Susan was inordinately disappointed to have missed his call. Especially in light of the dissatisfying hour and a half shed just spent with her punk of a brother. Who the hell did he think he was telling her she wasnt mother material? How would he know?
Of course she was mother material. She just hadnt had the occasion to use those maternal skills or instincts or whatever they were...yet. But she would as soon as she could.
Her fingers didnt falter this time as she punched out Michaels number. She had a goal. A purpose. And no one was going to stop her.
Im sorry, Ms. Kennedy, Mr. Kennedy is out of town today....
And that about summed up the day for her, Susan thought as she dropped the phone back in its cradle. Hed left town on her birthday. Hed left town without telling her. What in hell was the world coming to?
She listened indifferently to the remainder of her messages. Her father had called to wish her happy birthday. No round of golf for her. Only her brothers got that invitation for their birthdays. Julie, her brother Scotts wife, not only called to wish her happy birthday, but to invite her to little Joeys second birthday party the following week. Scott was her oldest brother. And her least favorite. He was so much like their dad he made her crazy. But he was a good man and when she was in a normal mood, she had to love him.
Spencer, the doctor in the family and the youngest brother, had called for him and Barbara, his wife, who was also a doctor. What was this? It seemed as if everyone was ganging up on her. Like there was a conspiracy to make her feel better or something. Did they know how miserable she felt? How much she wished the day would just go away?
The thought gave her chills. She didnt want any of them to guess that she wasnt just hunky dory and happy-go-lucky with her perfect little life. Shed been defending it to them forever, and shed bloat up and burst if she suddenly had to eat all those words.
Besides, Stephen and Sean hadnt called yet. Which meant no conspiracy was afoot. Sean, the brother between Seth and Spencer, was the organizer of mutinies in the family. Hed have been the first to call and gloat if he thought he had a way to get to her. And Stephen? Well, she wouldnt be surprised to get a birthday call from him sometime in March. If it werent for the fact that he was a renowned nuclear scientist, shed worry about his IQ. The man was about as clueless as they came. He was also closest to Susan in age, being only one year her senior. He was going to hit forty this year.
Snatching the phone back up, Susan buzzed her assistant. Ill be out for the rest of the day, she said the second Jill answered. She didnt want to enter into any discussions about research and cases on the docket. It was her birthday and she was damn well going to enjoy it. Somehow. She loved birthdays.
The McArthur boy lost his lawyer, Jill reported anyway. I figured youd want to know.
That was true. Susan did want to know. Later.
Any change in his condition? she asked in spite of herself.
Still paralyzed.
Thanks. Susan made a mental note to seek out Tricia Halliday the following week. Surely they could find a compromise on this particular case.
She just wondered how much groveling or bribing shed have to do to get the hard-hearted woman to budge. Tricia cared about being right. Not about being human.
Im taking tomorrow off, as well, she decided out loud. The next day was Friday. She was giving herself a birthday present.
Heading for Chicago? Jill asked. Susan could hear the impertinent grin in her assistants voice.
Not that you know about.
Dont worry, Susan, therell be no calls from me unless the old lady croaks.
Even that can wait until Monday, Susan muttered as she hung up the phone.
Michaels secretary had said hed be back that night. She was going to be there to welcome him home personally. She needed a fix.
And maybe, just maybe, shed get up the guts to ask for the present she wanted most in the world.
A tiny little life to nurture and love and fill her up again.
She had a feeling shed have to put forth the most convincing argument of her life if she hoped to win this one. Of course, that was what shed thought when shed been set on talking Michael out of their divorce. And look where that had gotten her.
MICHAEL TRIED to reach Susan again when he touched down in Chicago. Not only was he dying to share his news, even if everything was only in the possibility stages, hed also remembered on the flight home that today was Susans birthday. To celebrate, he stopped at the American Airlines counter and bought them both tickets to Hawaii for Easter weekend. It had been too long since either of them had taken a vacation.
The tickets were open-ended, as always. He could change them if Easter wasnt good for her.
She was out of the office until Monday. Still no answer at the condo. Knowing how much Susan loved birthdays, knowing more than anyone how she did everything to excess, he was sure shed found some crazy way to celebrate this last birthday in her thirties. Things like that mattered to Susan. Celebrating. And momentous birthdays. Michael usually had to stop and think to even remember how old he was. Age wasnt anything that had ever mattered to him. He supposed it might be different for women.
Catching sight of a departure board as he walked by, Michael found himself searching for any flights leaving for Cincinnati that evening. He wanted to be with Susan. To share his news. To share her celebration. To make love to her...
He wanted to go home.
And because his wanting threatened to override good sense, Michael went to pick up his forest-green Pathfinder from the airports parking garage instead. His home was here for now, in the condo hed purchased when hed moved to Chicago seven years ago. He and Susan had made their choices then. Forced to decide between staying together and climbing to the top, neither one had been willing to give up on career success. As great as their marriage had been, their careers had meant moreto both of them.
He had the days industrial summaries to go over. Reports to study. Hed catch Susan later when she was all celebrated out.
And maybe hed be able to talk her into a quick trip to Chicago in the not-too-distant future.
Two DRINKS AT LUNCH. Another one instead of dinner. And peace was as elusive as ever. Seth Carmichael stayed at his desk until his eyes stung from lack of sleep, and he knew he had to pack it in. Go home. Hed been up for more than twenty-four hours. Hed taken the red-eye after last nights meetings in Alaska to make it back here in time for Susans birthday. Hed like to think that meant hed fall into bed the second he hit his apartment, that hed sleep the sleep of the just. Or the dead.
But he knew he wouldnt.
And that was why he was still at work two hours after everyone else had gone home for the night. Of course, they all had families to go home to. Seth had an apartment filled with stale air. There werent even any plants sharing the place with him. He was gone so much any plants he brought home just shriveled up and died.
He locked up carefully and walked out of the building that housed the offices held by Hier Engineering. In the parking lot, Seth climbed into his Bronco, pleased with the power beneath his hands as the engine turned over instantly.
Bitch of it was, he liked his life. Or he had. He loved his job. Enough to know that when he was seeing double like this, he had to leave the figures alone. He couldnt risk a mathematical error that could result in a tragic accidenta building not as sturdy as it needed to be, a bridge that cracked. These were his real nightmares.
Almost of its own accord, Seths Bronco headed in the opposite direction from home, toward a part of town he no longer had any reason to visit.
So why were his nights filled with a couple of sullen little faces and a more determined beautiful one? It had been four months since Lauras ultimatum. Four months.
He felt as raw as if shed hurled those hateful words only yesterday. They were as clear in his mind as if she had.
Hell, it wasnt like shed been a permanent fixture in his life. Or her kids, either. Hed only met them the previous summer when hed shown up to coach soccer to a bunch of underprivileged kids and met a little boy with a whole lot of defensiveness but a lot of talent, too. Hed been drawn to Jeremy from that very first day, thinking of him at odd times through the weeks that followedtrying to figure out a way to help him.
And the boys mother... He could still remember the first time hed stopped by Jeremys house to speak to his parents about the boys talent. Hed thought Laura was the boys sister when she answered the door. Her silky blond hair had been hanging loose over a frayed tank top. And her cutoff shorts had had more holes in them than her tennis shoes.
Hed been poleaxed right from the start. And that was before shed even opened her mouth, before hed discovered her indomitable strength. Before hed found out the good newsshe was single. Divorced.
The Bronco sped down the exit ramp. Seth didnt reduce his speed as he continued on.
And Susan. What in hell had gotten into his sister? Didnt she know she was his hero? That he measured everything he did by her standards? How could she do something as stupid, as heartless, as to even consider bringing a child into the world simply because shed written it down in her damn planner? Who was going to raise that child, nurture him, love him, while Susan spent fourteen hours a day at work?
The soccer field came into view before he slowed down enough to be cautious. Jeremy might not even be there. Hed probably quit practicing the second Seth walked out the door of his mothers house. Or maybe it had been the next week, when hed gone to soccer practice and discovered that Seth was no longer his coach.
At least he knew the kid was still on the team. He supposed that was something.
And what would Seth say to the boy if Jeremy was at the field by himself? Hey, kid, good to see ya. Sorry you werent important enough to me.
Right. Just what a nine-year-old needed to hear. Face it. That was exactly what Jeremy was thinking, anyway. The kids father had run out on him. Hed expected Seth to do the same. And Seth had obliged.
The field was empty, just as hed realized it would be. Of course, it was January. Freezing. Who kicked around soccer balls at eight-thirty on a January night?
Jeremy would have. If Seth had still been around to encourage him. The boy had ability. And he loved to play. Soccer was the one thing that could help Seth get through to Jeremy. That could make Jeremy feel good about himself.
Driving by Lauras house was a given.
Maybe he should stop in to say hello. Just to make sure they were all right. There were lights on in the front room, and a glow from the television that appeared to be Jeremys only solace these days, his only escape.
The front yard was still nothing but a tiny square of hard dirt; the sidewalk was cracked, pieces missing; half the porch sagged. Hed repeatedly offered to set her up in a better place, a better part of town. Shed refused every time. And when he couldnt stand having her there any longer, when hed found her a place on his own, made all the arrangements for her to move, when hed insisted she accept his offer, shed given him the ultimatum that had ended everything.
Light flickered on the homemade curtains, probably a reflection from the television screen. He wondered if Jeremy was still looking out for his little sister.
Seth had driven by Jennys school last month, and the little girl had been off by herself, leaning against a corner of the building while her classmates played. Shed seen too much in her young life to be capable of make-believe. To find any joy in childish antics.
Seth had hoped to change that, too. Just as hed once thought hed be able to bring an easy sparkle back to Lauras eyes. But the bastard whod helped create that family had done some real work on all of them. The bruises hed left behind, both physical and mental, were more than Seth had been able to eradicate.
Hed wanted to be their friend. Theyd needed more than that. A single-parent family usually did.
Slamming his gloved hand down hard on the steering wheel, Seth sped away from the run-down neighborhood where Laura lived; he didnt slow down until hed reached the bar right around the corner from his apartment complex. He could walk home from there if he got lucky enough to be too wasted to drive.
He just couldnt believe Susan was actually planning a single-parent family. What if she had a boy? Boys needed fathers. Jeremy was proof of that.
Hed given his sister credit for having more sense.
SHED COME PREPARED. Slipping into the public rest room in the lobby of the condo sales office in Michaels complex, Susan quickly took off her suit, bra and panty hose, donning nylons, a garter and a lavender French-cut negligee. She might be pushing forty but her body still looked goodcurved in the right places, tight where it should be. Touching up her makeup didnt take but a second, just long enough to coat her lips with wet luscious red. Her nipples puckered with cold, and probably a bit of anticipation, too, as she slid her overcoat and shoes back on, picked up her weekend bag and sedately reentered the lobby.
Shed brought protection, too, just in case Michael hadnt replaced the box theyd finished off the last time she was in town. There was no place in her plan for an unexpected pregnancy, no place for manipulation or dishonesty. If she was going to have Michaels baby, it was going to be with his permission.
An evening sales associate tossed her a welcoming smile as Susan sailed regally past her and into the night, shaking back her hair. Gold with streaks of light chocolatethat was how Michael had always described her hair. Gold and chocolate. Of course, hed also said it almost exactly matched the oak of her desk, but that was when hed had her lying on top of it.
Her desk would have been a little cumbersome to bring, so shed settled for his favorite whiskeya rich golden Scotchand a box of his favorite chocolatesall lights. While hed understand the significance of her offering, he might think her a little odd for bringing him presents on her birthday, but she wasnt leaving anything to chance. She wanted his senses overflowing. She wanted distraction.
She wanted to ask a favor and she was scared to death hed think she was crazy. Of course, his immediate answer would probably be no. Shed wait until he was stone-cold sober before shed accept that decision.
MICHAEL WAS ELATED and instantly hard when he opened the door of his condo to see Susan standing there, coat gaping, his own personal paramour. But he wasnt really surprised. Hed been thinking of her all day. Needing her. And she was here.
That was just the way it was with them.
Lady, you read my mind. He gathered her close, his hands sliding inside the open overcoat, as he kicked the door closed.
Hello, Michael, she laughed when he let her up for air.
He kissed her again, tasting her, turned on as much by the familiarity of her as the luscious breasts he felt against him. Happy birthday, sweetheart. He nuzzled her neck, her collarbone.
Thank you. Her voice wasnt quite steady. She was on fire, too. Even after all these years, it was still instantaneous combustion. For both of them.
Mind if I put these things down?
Michael took her bag and the gifts she held without removing his lips from her body. He set her things on the high-backed wicker chair in the foyer and then, turning, forced her backward toward the stairs that led to his bedroom.
He was damn glad she was here.
WHERE WERE YOU TODAY? Susans words were soft, sleepy, her finger toying with his nipple as he lay facing her, still inside her.
Atlanta.
Her eyes were closed, but her face was taut, her body tense as she continued to play with him. On business?
Later. At the moment, Michael couldnt even remember why hed thought the days meeting so important.
Mmm-hmm. Susans tongue darted out to his lips and then was gone. Later.
MICHAEL?
Mmm-hmm? Hed just been thinking he should rouse himself enough to tell her his good news. As soon as he was strong enough for another celebration.
We can always talk to each other about everything, cant we?
Although he didnt shift from his position propped on the pillows with Susan cradled against his chest, Michael was instantly alert. Lethargy evaporated to be replaced with caution. And maybe something else. Maybe fear.
Ive always thought so.
Yeah, me, too.
Her breathing became more regular as she lay there silently, more relaxed, as though she were going to sleep. Was that it, then? Just a reaffirmation of what they were to each other?
Granted, their relationship was far from traditional, an open-ended friendship with no strings attached. But it worked for him. And for her, too, he thought. Had she just needed reassurance? He was loath to move, to disturb her. Loath to find out there was more.
So, if...something...changed for me, I could tell you?
What had changed? Of course you could.
Had she found someone else? Someone in Cincinnati? God forbid, someone she wanted to marry?
Michaels throat was dry, but he tried to be calm, reasonable. She wouldnt have shown up here tonight, wouldnt be lying naked in his arms, satiated with a couple of hours of healthy love if there was someone else, right?
Unless...
He thought back to the dayand nightof their divorce. Sex was exactly how shed said goodbye.
He couldnt stand the idea of her with someone else.
So has something changed? He finally had to ask. Had to know.
Maybe.
Maybe? Could you maybe be in love with someone else?
He continued to hold her, to run one hand lightly up and down her naked back.
Youre not sure?
The entire conversation was ludicrous. Susan in love with someone else? Making love with someone else? He might have worried about something like that in the beginning, seven years ago, right after their divorce. But now?
Im sure.
His hand stilled. You are.
Her hair was rough against his chest as, slowly, she nodded.
Then why in hell are you lying here, naked, in my bed, in my arms? He wanted to shout at her. Almost did.
Until it occurred to him that Susan had every right to fall in love with someone else. And that he had no rights at all. Not anymore.
Once, he had.
But hed given them up.
CHAPTER THREE
IM GOING to have a baby, Michael.
Michael flew out of bed, hardly aware of her head flopping onto the pillows behind him as he stood on the thick carpet covering his bedroom floor.
And then, feeling incredibly foolish, he realized he must have misunderstood, heard her wrong. Hed thought, for a second there, that shed told him she was pregnant.
What did you say? He stalled, looking for a way to explain his bizarre behavior without actually telling her what he thought shed said.
She lay there, gazing up at him, the oddest expression on her face. Half fearful, half belligerent. Her chocolately golden hair was scattered about her face and tangled on the pillows beneath her, her lips bare and swollen, her eyes wide. Shed pulled the covers up to her chin. She looked about sixteen.
Im going to have a baby.
The breath knocked out of him, Michael felt as though hed been sucker punched. If he hadnt been butt naked hed have sunk to the floor.
You...are. He couldnt, for the moment, think of anything more intelligent to say.
Still wearing that odd expression, Susan nodded. He hated the way she was looking at him. Hated seeing her so unsure. Hated everything about this damn evening. This day. This life.
Youre going to have a baby. He just couldnt make sense of it.
She nodded again.
Susan was pregnant. His Susan. The woman whose career meant more to her than anything, including him, was going to be encumbered with someone elses child.
Hed kill the bastard whod done this to her.
Who is he? Michael reached for his slacks and, not taking time for underwear, pulled them on. He would hunt the guy down and kill him with his bare hands for not loving Susan more responsibly. Hell, for loving her at all.
I dont know yet.
So intent was he on finding some shoes, a shirt, he barely heard the words when she first uttered them. But as he buttoned his shirt, cussing at every little buttonhole, her voice slowly sank in.
Whirling, he faced her. You dont know yet? He had to be asleep, having the craziest nightmare of his life. There was no other way to explain the things he was hearing.
Unusually winded, Susan shook her head.
Thered been more than one man? Well, when are you going to find out? Didnt they have to wait until after the baby was born to determine paternity?
Im not sure.
Im going downstairs.
Michael took the stairs three at a timehalf sliding, half running in his hurry to get away from her. To get away from the whole sordid mess. With a Scotch in hand, and one small light on above the bar, he paced his living room, doing some quick desperate math. Hed seen Susan at Christmas, but hed only been able to spare the one day and her whole family had been around. Hed been busy as hell all through the fall with year-end approaching, and dammit, this baby couldnt be his.
His gut hard, he figured out that it had been a good four months since hed made love to Susan. And there was no way she was four months along. Her belly was as flat as always. He knew. Hed just spent the past two hours intimately acquainted with it.
Not that hed wanted the baby to be his. He finished off the shot of whiskey hed poured. Not at all. Certainly no more than Susan wanted to be pregnant. He couldnt think of anything shed want less. Except maybe death. Or anything hed want less, for that matter.
He also couldnt get past the sick feeling of knowing that another man had done this to her. Dammit! Why hadnt she been more careful?
Youre angry, arent you?
Shed appeared behind him, wearing a rumpled mens shirt. Shed found the shirt hed worn to work earlier and wrapped herself in it. The shirt reminded him of his meeting with Coppel.
No.
Dont lie to me, Michael.
He turned toward her. She was right. Lying to each other was one thing he and Susan had never done.
Okay, yeah, Im angry. So angry he could feel his nostrils flaring.
Why? It has nothing to do with you.
So why, if that was supposed to make it okay, didnt he feel okay?
For one thing, Im angry as hell at the irresponsibility of whatever man did this to you.
She frowned, dropping down to his leather couch, folding her feet beneath her. Did what to me?
Michael swore, out of all patience. Got you pregnant, of course. Did pregnancy make a woman stupid, too? Hed thought it only caused pickle cravings and crying attacks.
Susan laughed. Shocking him. In the first place, Michael, a man cant get me pregnant all by himself.
She had him there.
Secondly, Im not pregnantyet.
The whiskey was clouding his brain.
And in the third place, I havent slept with anyone but you in my entire life.
Well, that was okay then.
Michael fell down to the couch beside her, feeling a little drunk, though hed only had the one shot. Thank God.
Only him. In her entire life. He started to grin.
She grazed his face with one slim hand. Would it really have mattered so much if there was someone in Cincinnati? Her words were soft, easy, but the light in her eyes was soul-deep.
It would. In seven years time, theyd never discussed fidelity. Or infidelity, either.
Im glad.
Pulling her into his arms, Michael held her, wondering if theyd just made some kind of crazy commitment in this relationship that wasnt. And hoping, irrationally, that they had.
Slowly, though, as he sat listening to her breathing in the quiet of the night, Michaels mind started to clear. He still had his good news to share. But first...
Why did you say you were going to have a baby if you arent? he asked, frowning in the near darkness.
Who says Im not? She turned to look at him.
You just did.
No, I didnt.
Susan... His tension was building again. You just said
That Im not pregnant, she finished for him. But Im going to be.
When?
Soon, I hope.
Aghast, he stared at her. Why?
Because I want to be.
But... He was adrift. Lost. He stared at a scrap of paper hed been doodling on earlier and left on the coffee table. ...then youd have a child.
I know. It was the quiet conviction in Susans words that got to him. And scared the hell out of him. Who was this woman? Susan didnt want children.
Did she?
Will you give me a baby, Michael?
Michael jumped up again. No! He hadnt meant the word to be so loudso harsh. Youre kidding, right? It was late; shed been working long hours. That must be it.
As soon as she started to shake her head, Michael looked away.
Please try to understand, Michael.
Looking back at her, he nodded. He wanted to understand.
Having a baby is something Ive always planned to do.
Since when?
Since before you and I were married.
And you dont think I should have known about this?
Probably, but we were young. We had so many goals. She shrugged. Neither one of us wanted a child then.
But you planned to have one later. He was trying to understand. He really was.
By the time I was forty.
You never mentioned it because you werent planning to stay married to me? He supposed the question was a bit ludicrous considering that they werent married, but had she gone into the marriage knowing it wouldnt last?
I just figured that once wed both done what we had to do, reached our career goals, wed be ready to talk about having a family.
He nodded. At least she hadnt been planning their divorce before shed even married him. And theyd never actually said they were never going to have children. Hed just assumed, since she was as career-driven as he wassince she put job above all else and completely accepted the fact that he did, toohed just assumed she didnt want a family as much as he didnt want one.
Maybe he knew her better than she knew herself.
Sitting down beside her, Michael once again took her in his arms. Having her there with him was the only thing that felt right, natural... normal.
Susan, honey, youre at a particularly vulnerable time in your life. A time when people make rash decisions. And then spend the next twenty years regretting them.
Dont patronize me, Michael. She pulled away from him, one-hundred percent intimidating attorney, even while wearing nothing more than his shirt. I am not going through a midlife crisis.
Its perfectly natural.
And Im not going through one.
Most people dont realize that they are.
And do they start them in their twenties?
You cant honestly consider some half-baked thought you once had about having a child as proof that you really wanted it. If you did, whyd you wait so long?
Because I knew I could afford to wait. That I needed to wait. Her eyes pleaded with him to take her seriously. The thought, even back then, wasnt half-baked.
How can you be so sure about a decision like this?
Remember when I went to Kentucky that weekend before we got married?
Of course. Hed been scared to death she was going to change her mind.
I went because I was having second thoughts. I was afraid that by marrying you, I was going to lose me.
You never told me that. Michael pulled at a string coming loose from the button at the bottom of his shirt.
I know. She smiled sadly. Youd just have told me you wouldnt let that happen, that you wouldnt take away who I was or needed to be.
Because its true.
But sometimes these things happen to people without their even noticing it. She took his hand, held it in her lap. You wouldnt knowingly or purposely have distracted me from my goals, Michael. Just my loving you, wanting to make you happy might have done that. She paused, then began again, her voice low. Once you start...subjugating yourself, you dont even know anymore whose interests youre really protecting. And then youre fifty or sixty years old and resenting everyone because you havent done what you needed to do in life and its too late. Look what happened to my mother. Because of our family.
And suddenly Michael began to understand. Hed been the one to pick up the pieces of Susans tortured heart after Rose Carmichael died. They hadnt been married yet, but hed helped her come to grips with that last, painful conversation. Helped her work through the regrets, the recriminations.
I wrote out a life plan that weekend in Kentucky, Michael. My goals, my dreams. And target dates by which I either had to decide they no longer matteredor I had to fulfill them.
Michael started to feel a little sick. Having a baby was on that list.
Susan nodded.
And it still matters.
Yes.
The last thing in the world he wanted was a baby. He had his own reasons. And, like Susans, they came from examples set by his parents. To Michael, having a child meant his life was over.
Hed felt that even before the meeting with Coppel.
Have you talked to anyone else about this?
Just Seth.
And?
She was silent. Her eyes fell for a moment and then returned to his. Seths hardly one to understand.
Based on her brothers bachelor life-style, he supposed not. But Seth had always championed his big sister, had walked in her footsteps as long as Michael had known him. Michael had even begun to wonder if maybe Seth was still alone, married to his career, because he was following Susans example.
He thinks youre crazy?
Susan shrugged, shocking Michael when her eyes filled with tears. He doesnt think Im mother material.
Seths lack of confidence had shaken her. Hes nuts. Michael heard the words before hed even realized hed had the thought.
Really? Her beautiful eyes glowed with uncertainty in the dusky room.
Just look at Seth if you need evidence, Michael said. You practically raised him. Which was one of the reasons Michael had thought shed never want children. With three younger brothers, shed had more than her share of babysitting and housework and driving her brothers to practices and games. Her mother had needed her at home, so her high-school years had been rife with missed opportunities.
Somehow she was back in his arms and Michael soaked up her warmth, her soft feminine scent. The evening washed over himthe good and the bad. Was her need to have this child so great that shed be willing to give up her job? Move to Chicago?
The thought wasnt as displeasing as it might have been. Hed lost track of the number of times hed wished hed never had to divorce her in the first place. The number of sleepless nights hed spent lying beside her, trying to convince himself that a long-distance relationship could work. Instead, hed been tortured with visions of needing his wife at some important function and her not being there, or vice versa. Hed imagined them wearing themselves out trying to be together every weekend out of obligation to each other. And hed thought of what marriage meant, of the expectations it brought, of two people being one unitand just couldnt picture the link between him and Susan stretched across two states. Visions haunted him of the damage theyd eventually do to each other by trying to hang on when they kept disappointing each other, when expectations couldnt possibly be met. Hed tried to imagine himself being a good husband to Susan from Chicago and knew that hed had no choice but to let her go. Hed finally had to face the fact that they couldnt possibly be true to themselves, to their own needs and desires, and to each other, as well. There wasnt room in either of their lives for anyone elses expectations.
But that was before hed known she wanted to have a baby.
You want us to get married again, he summed up.
She didnt say anything right away. Nothings changed for us, has it Michael? she finally asked, frowning.
How do you mean?
Our reason for divorcing. Your career needing you one place, mine needing me another.
So, she wasnt planning to move to Chicago? Not for me, it hasnt.
Then why would we get married again?
So you can have your baby.
This is almost the new millennium, Michael. Her voice was a little arrogant as she settled back against him. Hard. You dont have to be married to have a baby.
He was apparently too damn tired to think straight. Do you mind telling me then, what exactly you do want from me?
Your sperm. Susan grinned up at him. And he saw in her eyes, in the cocky tilt to her mouth, the woman hed fallen in love with so many years before. The one who always made everything sound so easy.
ALMOST FOUR DAYS LATER, Susan couldnt believe how relieved she was to have asked the question. She knew there was a good chance Michael was going to say no. But she couldnt ignore the fact that he hadnt already done so. And couldnt help but hope that he wouldnt.
Shed spent the rest of the weekend in Chicago, and it had been just like old times. Hed taken both days off in deference to her birthday and theyd played to their hearts content. In bed and out of it
Theyd done the city, gone to the zoo, walked along the skydeck of the Sears Tower, taken a walking tour through downtown Chicago to view the skyscrapers. Theyd been sidetracked before theyd actually seen many skyscrapers, however. The cold and their hunger had driven them inside. After an hour and a half spent stuffing themselves at Michaels favorite restaurant down by the lake, Michael had driven her through the Lake Shore Drive Apartmentsglass houses he called themand out to the Widow Clarke House, the oldest surviving building in Chicago.
And not once, throughout the entire weekend, did they mention Susans babyor anything else remotely serious.
But she knew Michael. He was thinking about the baby. And hed let her know when hed made a decision. She just hoped it was sometime before her fortieth birthday.
In any case, she was feeling better Monday morning than she had in a long while. Shed asked him. She could afford to wait. At least for a week or two.
In the meantime, she had another little problem to attend to. A problem named Tricia Halliday. Tricias officeit was still hard for Susan to think of it that wayoccupied the whole floor above Susans. Formerly belonging to Tricias husband, Ed, the room was a sportsmans dream. It had a half basketball court at one end, basketball being Eds favorite sport, a putting green running along one wall, and a ceramic tile floor underneath the furniture to accommodate Eds best friend, Annie. And it was all wrong for Eds widow, Tricia.
Susan had gone to work for Ed right out of college. Having grown up with five brothers, she fit right in with the sports talk, understood the needs of athletes. She could even hold her own on the basketball court if she had to. And shed adored Ed. Shed been devastated when hed died of a heart attack last year, playing tennis at his club one Sunday afternoon.
Hed reminded her of her dad with his patience, his ability to see what was done well rather than focusing on what hadnt been done, his insistence on looking at the bright side, the right side. The major difference between the two men, as evidenced by Susans position in the company, was Eds lack of chauvinism. He hadnt thought, as Susans father did, that men and women had to be pigeonholed into particular roles.
Unfortunately, Eds character hadnt rubbed off on his widow. Tricia was honest and hardworking, but her only interest was in the bottom line. Her pocketbook. And as Halliday Headgear was a privately held company, there wasnt a lot anybody could do once the CEO made up her mind about something. Except live with it. Or quit.
Dressed in her red power suit, Susan faced Tricia across Eds desk, determined not to leave without some sort of compromise in the McArthur case.
Are you telling me you cant win this suit? the older woman asked, her brows almost touching with the force of her frown.
No. Im not telling you that.
It was my understanding that my ten-year-old nephew could win this one for us.
Probably.
So why are we wasting my valuable time, and yours, discussing it?
Because the McArthur boy didnt do anything wrong, Tricia. True, he was playing soccer instead of softball, but the mask would have broken, probably with more serious repercussions, if hed been hit with a softball rather than a soccer ball.
He wasnt.
No, he wasnt. Susan paused, eyed her boss, and started again. But that boy is still paralyzed because of the malfunction of our equipment.
What do you want from me, Susan?
Susan stood, leaned over the front of Tricias imposing desk. I want us to settle out of court, to fund the boys operationand his physical therapy afterward.
Tricia stood up, too. Thats got to be thousands of dollars.
The lawsuit could cost you a lot more than that.
But were not going to lose the suit.
I had Jill spend a day with Grady Moses down in production. Looking around at the motivational posters on the walls, the peaks being scaled by climbers, the shots being made, the rides and runs and jumps, Susan took heart from Eds memory. She found out that there was a malfunction several months ago on one of the machines. Six cases of masks were damaged before the error was noticed. Their hinges didnt have double sealings.
Im aware of the problem. Tricia nodded. The machine was fixed, the cases were pulled.
Five of the six cases were pulled, Susan corrected. While Grady was at lunch someone used the sixth case to fill an order. The masks had been on back order for weeks and someone in shipping was a little too eager.
Carefully, slowly, Tricia sat back down. Her eyes never left Susans face. Youre telling me were going to have more lawsuits, and somewhere along the way, one of thems going to be the result of a softball injury.
And the McArthur incident would come to light giving Halliday Headgear some very bad press.
No. Susan almost wished she didnt have to be honest. Grady was able to track down the orders and make exchanges.
Relief softening her face, Tricia spread her arms wide. Then we dont have a problem.
The mens club in Valdez had ordered five of the recalled masks. They sent back four damaged ones, but the fifth one they returned was a first-quality mask. By mistake, they kept the fifth damaged one for the boys at their church to use.
I see. Tricia folded her hands on top of the desk.
Breathing her first easy breath, Susan hoped Tricia finally did see, and waited patiently for instructions to prepare the out-of-court settlement.
Were certain this is the only mask that escaped notice?
Positive. Susan nodded, perching on the edge of the desk. Grady checked and rechecked the serial numbers.
Then well proceed as originally directed.
But... Susan stood, staring down at her boss. We know the mask was faulty, she said, trying very hard not to raise her voice. We know the boy wouldve been hurt no matter what ball hit him. Its only a technicality that he happened to be playing soccer instead of softball.
And court cases are won on technicalities all the time.
You realize that if this information is made known, your chances of winning will drop considerably.
Tricias eyes narrowed. Are you threatening me?
Of course not! Susan backed away from the desk. Ive been with Halliday Headgear since college, Tricia. Ive always, always seen to the best interests of the company.
Head bowed, Tricia said, Im sorry, Susan. Of course Im fully aware of how much youve done for us, how lucky we are to have you. She looked up and Susan saw the sincerity in the other womans eyes.
Thank you.
Now, was that all you needed to see me about?
Just like that, Tricia expected this to go away. I cant rest the case yet, Tricia. An eight-year-old boy may never walk again.
Shrugging, Tricia pulled a pile of papers toward her. I pay you to be thorough, Susan. Keep searching if you feel you must to protect the company, but unless youve got something new to tell me, I dont need to hear about this case again.
Too furious to do anything else, Susan turned and left the office.
CHAPTER FOUR
IF HE DIDNT make her pregnant, someone else would.
No matter how many different ways Michael looked at the situation, he always ended up back in the very same place. Susan wanted him to impregnate her, but if he said no, she wasnt going to give up on this crazy idea. Hed be sending her directly into the bedroom of another man.
By Thursday afternoon he had one hell of a headache. And still no answers. In desperation he turned to the only other person he could possibly call. His ex-brother-in-law, Sethand, next to Susan, his closest friend.
Whats up? Seth asked as soon theyd assured each other they were fine and that both of them had absolutely nothing to do next Sunday but watch the Super Bowl.
Im sure you can guess. Michael was finding it a little difficult to say the words. He was that opposed to the whole idea. Picking up a pencil, he started to sketch a couple of cartoon characters, a man and a woman, jumping out of an airplane without parachutes.
Susan told me she asked you about the baby.
And she told me you think shes insane. He dropped his pencil.
I never said that!
No. Michael remembered the tears in Susans eyes. You told her you didnt think shed make a good mother.
Sounding unusually defensive, Seth said, And you think she would?
Swiveling his chair away from his desk, Michael looked out the window behind him. He gained no inspiration at all from the barren tree limbs outside.
She did all right by you and Sean and Spencer.
She didnt have a career then.
She has a career now and she still looks out for you.
Seth swore softly. Come on, Michael, you know it isnt the same thing. A kid deserves better than absences, vague promises, excuses.
So, it isnt her mothering abilities you doubt. He rested his feet on the windowsill. Its her time management.
Or her priorities, Seth said. You know her, Michael, shes been biting off more than she can chew her entire life, all the while insisting shell manage. She always thinks that whatever shes tackling is a piece of cake.
He agreed with Seth. But... She does manage in the end.
Up until now shes only had one priority.
That was true, too. But who was to say she wouldnt handle two priorities as successfully as she handled one? If she wanted both of them badly enough...
Michael brushed a piece of lint off his navy slacks. Answer me something...
If I can.
Do you think she really knows what she wants?
If you mean do I think she really wants this baby, then yes, I do.
Michael was afraid hed say that. Yeah, me, too.
So...you going to give it to her?
This had to be one of the oddest conversations in the history of manor at least of brothers-in-law. But Michael was getting nowhere on his own. And the decision was too important to be clouded by confusion or wishful thinking.
I dont know, he finally said.
Seth hesitated. You know shell, uh, find someone else if you dont.
I had considered that. At least a million times in the past six days. But she might not.
I dont think anything but an act of God is going to keep Susan from having her baby.
Neither did Michael. Dammit. And damn Seth for saying so. Theres always artificial insemination.
I really doubt shed consider it.
So did Michael.
Shed want to know the man whos going to be, biologically speaking, the other half of her child, Michael said before he had to hear it from Seth.
Shed insist on having the inside scoop on the littlest things, like how soon hed learned to tie his shoes, how close his family was, whether or not he liked to go to the movies. Seth twisted the knife a little deeper.
Shed ask for a complete genealogical workup going as far back as possible. Michael rubbed more salt into his wound.
After all, Susan was a lawyer. A damn good one. She wanted all the answers.
Of course, all that extra effort, getting to know someone that well, tracking down someones heritageit might be a little off-putting, might make her reconsider.... Seth was obviously trying his best to help.
Not Susan. Michael voiced what both men knew. Turning, he picked up the pencil and added some finishing touches to the cartoon. Because shed underestimate the work involved, the difficulties. Just like she always does. Just like she had that night shed tried to talk him out of the divorce. Shed made it all sound so simple. Him living in one state, her in another. But hed known a marriage could never survive under those circumstances. Marriage meant commitment, expectations. Sharing one life. Not two.
So, you going to do it? Seth asked painfully, as though he were suffering right along with Michael. And, in a sense, he probably was. Seth obviously felt pretty strongly that Susan was making a big mistake.
Michael tossed the pencil. The last thing in the world I want is to be a father.
I dont think Susans looking for a father, Seth said. I had the impression she just wants the...you know. The genes. He could tell Seth didnt approve of that, either.
Yeah, Michael said. Thats the way I took it. She wanted his sperm. Not him.
And that rankled, too.
THE OFFER FROM Coppel Industries came through on Friday morning. Coppel stockholders wanted to make Michael a vice president of finance. If he accepted, hed be on the road, traveling around the country, analyzing current holdings, but mostly seeking out new ones. Diversification was the key to success. And Coppel felt that Michael could pick winners.
Hed have an office, too, a posh one, at Coppel headquarters in Atlanta.
The offer exceeded his expectations; it was a culmination of everything hed worked for his entire life. More than a dream come true, it was a mountain successfully scaled, a goal reached, years of endless toil rewarded. Of course, it also came with Coppels words of warning still ringing in Michaels ear. No entanglements. No dependents.
Michael took the job.
OKAY.
Okay? Susan sat down. Shed been waiting for his call all week.
I cant pretend Im happy about this.
Sitting on the floor of her bedroom, wearing nothing but the slip and panty hose shed been in the process of taking off, Susan couldnt stop grinning. I know. She couldnt believe it! He was really going to do it.
You dont have a child on a whim, Susan.
I dont do anything on a whim, Michael.
Single-parenting is tough.
Susan glanced at her watch. Seven oclock on Friday night. She wondered if he was still at the office.
I can handle it.
And you think its fair to the kid, bringing him into the world without a father?
I have five brothers, Michael, all of whom live within twenty miles of my home. I dont think heor shewill be lacking male attention.
This is nuts.
I dont think so. It felt right. To be having a baby. To be having Michaels baby. Of course shed prefer to be doing it the traditional way. To be sharing more than just the conception with Michael. But shed be happy.
A baby!
What about your job?
What about it?
Youre still planning to work?
Susan frowned. Of course. And then, Who do you thinks going to support this child?
And you honestly think you can work fourteen hours a day and still be a good parent?
Her arms about her empty stomach, Susan leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. The only reason I still work fourteen-hour days is because I have nothing to come home for. It was the first time shed admitted the truth, even to herself. Im not climbing up anymore, Michael. Im at the top.
There are always higher mountains to climb.
I like the one Im on. She used to, anyway. And she would again. In spite of Tricia Halliday.
I cant be a father, Susan.
Im not asking you to be.
Ice clinked in a glass and she heard him swallow. Hell, he swore softly. I dont even live in the same state.
Which has nothing to do with anything. She wished hed just relax about it. Michael, were divorced. All I want from you is biology.
He swallowed again. You make it sound so simple.
Because it doesnt have to be complicated. Opening her eyes, Susan stood, finished undressing. Im a single woman whos made the decision to have a baby, she told him. Its happening more and more. Single women are even adopting babies. But I really want the full experience, carrying the child, giving birth. All Im asking from you is the missing ingredient I need to get started.
Susan stopped, pulled on a pair of sweatpants. The line was silent. I could ask a total stranger to provide the sperm, she said, exasperated. Would you rather I do that?
Hell, no!
Youre my friend, Michael. Throwing herself down on the bed shed once shared with him, Susan gazed, still topless, at the picture of Michael laughing up at her from the bedside table. My best friend. She had to stop for a second. Catch her breath. Swallow the tears that had suddenly appeared. Who else would I go to when I need a favor? she finished.
No one. He sighed. You were right to come to me.
She couldnt believe how good it felt to hear him say so.
So when do you want to do it? His voice dropped, low and gravelly, sexy.
Covering her naked breasts with her arms, Susan wanted to tell him that this weekend was perfect timing, as far as her cycle was concerned. Whenever its...convenient...for you, she said instead. It felt odd to be discussing it. She and Michael just kind of fell into sexmostly because they couldnt help themselves.
Theyd certainly never planned it before. It was slightly embarrassing. And she was freezing. Scrambling into her sweatshirt, she barely caught his words.
...this weekend...off for the Super Bowl.
Good! She pulled the phone back to her face. This weekends good. Shed already decided to take both days off. While that would mean two full weekends in a row, she needed a little extra distance right now. Needed time to think objectively about the McArthur case. Probably too late to fly in tonight, huh?
Michael laughed and her toes curled. There just wasnt another man like him. She knew. Shed searched frantically during those first few years after the divorce.
Id like to think its my body youre so eager for.
It was. That old thing? Had it last weekend.
Keep it up, woman.
So youll come in the morning?
First flight out. His voice sounded muffled, as though he were already on to the next item on his evenings agenda.
Michael?
Yeah?
Thanks.
SEX. He wasnt going to think about anything but the sex. And sex with Susan was always incredible. He had to admit, as far as favors went, this one was relatively painless.
As long as all he thought about was the sex.
He occupied himself with business during the short flight from Chicago to Cincinnati, mentally reviewing possible candidates for his replacement at Smythe and Westbourne, making a list of the projects and problems his replacement would need to know about.
He still hadnt told Susan about the promotion. He had some irrational feeling that if he was going to get through this episode intact, he had to keep his private life, his own personal self, out of it. Susans request had erected a wall between them that he was afraid to scale. Somehow, he knew that for his own self-preservation he had to keep his distance. Sharing this, the greatest success of his life, with her, the realization of all his goals, made him too vulnerable at a time when he couldnt afford to be vulnerable at all.
Besides, there was a small part of him that was afraid shed be hurt because hed accepted a job that required no familial obligations, even though hed agreed to father her child. And the fear wasnt just born from an aversion to hurting Susan. If she was hurt, that would mean shed been harboring some desire for him to share more than just the conception of her child.
And he couldnt do this for her if he thought, for one second, that shed be asking for more than he had to give.
Staring out the window at the expanse of anonymous farmland passing beneath him, Michael forced his mind back to the loyal staff hed built over the years. Hed pretty much decided on the person he was going to promote, and he looked forward to breaking the news. That thought gave him the balance hed been seeking.
Business was the only thing he felt sure about. The only way he knew how to cope. To shut off the fears and concerns that were nagging at him, the uneasiness he couldnt seem to dissipate with logic.
A man could only think so much about sex without embarrassing himself.
SETHS DARK-BLUE Bronco was parked in front of the condo when Michael pulled up in his rental. Fond as he was of Susans brother, Seth sure as hell could have picked a better time to come visiting.
I heard you were going to be in town, the big blond man greeted him as Michael let himself in. Thought Id stop by and see if you two wanted to take in a movie or something.
Susan, curled up on the couch, raised her brows and grimaced behind her brothers back.
Michael shrugged out of his overcoat and hung it on the brass tree by the front door. Dont think so, buddy, he said. There was no way in hell hed be able to sit through a movie right now.
The new Star Trek movies playing downtown, Seth coaxed.
Exchanging glances with Susan, Michael shook his head. Trekkies though they were, a movie was still a two-hour wait in the dark. It was just released, he told Seth, pulling his keys out his jeans pocket to drop them on the hall table. And its Saturday. The theater ll be full of kids.
Dressed in beige khaki slacks and a black longsleeved fleece shirt that hugged her waist, Susan looked great. And eager. Her eyes were glowing as she shared an intimate glance with him.
How about a game of basketball, then? I can call for a court. Seth picked up the phone and dialed.
I didnt bring gym clothes, Michael said, disconnecting the call. He met and held his friends gaze. Seth, go home.
Theres a new restaurant on the other side of the river Ive been meaning to try, Seth said, still clutching the phone. We could have lunch....
Turning his ex-brother-in-law toward the door, Michael grabbed Seths coat off the rack and handed it to him. Go home.
Seth took his coat, put it on, and turned back, looking from Susan to Michael. I think we should talk about this.
I think Susan began.
Go home, Michael interrupted her, giving Seth a little shove.
Youre sure? Seth asked quietly.
Hell no, he wasnt sure. But Susan was. And hed never be able to live with himself if he forced her to ask another man to do this.
Go home. he said one last time.
Swearing, Seth let himself out, slamming the door.
Michael locked it behind him.
SUSAN STARED at Michaels back. He was still staring at the door hed just locked, almost as though he were thinking about heading out himself.
You want something to eat?
He turned, walking slowly back into the living room, not meeting her eyes. Nah, I had breakfast at the airport.
He slipped his hands into his pockets, stretching the denim of his jeans taut across his fly. Susan couldnt help noticing how attractive he was. Shed never been able to look at Michael without thinking about sex. But today there was more. Today she saw the man who was going to give her his baby.
The thought scared her just a little. What if this changed things? Not her life; of course that was going to change. But what if things between her and Michael werent the same afterward?
We dont have to do this if you dont want to, she blurted suddenly.
His gaze swung to hers, intent, hopeful. Youve changed your mind.
No. Susan shook her head. She needed to be a mother. But it doesnt have to be now, today, she said even as she realized that putting it off wasnt going to make any real difference. It doesnt have to be you.
But she wanted it to be. She couldnt imagine carrying anybodys baby but Michaels.
Are you having doubts?
Looking down, Susan studied the pattern in the tweed fabric of her overstuffed couch. Not about the baby.
Youre having doubts about me?
Shed hurt him. Damn, it was getting messy already and they hadnt even done anything yet.
Could you sit down or something? she asked as he continued to hover over her, the hands in his pockets distracting her. Please?
Michael sat. On the very edge of the couch, knees spread, his elbows on his knees.
Susan couldnt look at him. She hadnt felt this tongue-tied with Michael since before the first time theyd made love. Shed been crazy with wanting him. And a little frightened because of her virginity. Her inexperience. A little frightened that she wouldnt be able to satisfy him. After all, hed had the prettiest girls in college chasing after him.
Shed been a boring little tomboy bookworm.
Not knowing what else to do, shed been honest about her feelings then. And been honest with Michael every day since.
I cant imagine anybody but you as the father of my child. The words, though softly uttered, were filled with the emotions tumbling through her.
She wasnt looking at him, but she felt him flinch.
Im not asking you to be a father, Michael. Id never do that to you. Any more than youd ask me never to be a mother.
Chancing a peek at him, she quickly looked back down at her hands. He was staring straight ahead, the muscles in his jaw working fiercely.
Im fully prepared to raise this child myself. In fact, Im intent on doing so, she assured him. Just as shed been assuring herself for months.
I just want it to be your baby growing inside me. She wasnt doing this very well. I want my son or daughter to be a part of you.
The more she talked to her silent ex-husband, the more her needs became clear to her. She didnt just want a baby by the year 2000. She didnt just want a baby, period. She wanted Michaels baby. Even though she knew that having Michaels baby meant raising the child herself.
What I she said, stopping and then trying again. What I dont She reached across to lace her fingers with his, willing him to meet her eyes, waiting until he did. What I dont want...is to lose you in the process.
He seemed about to say something but didnt.
Youre my best friend, Michael. I dont want that to change.
Slowly, tenderly, he brought his lips to hers. Kissing her softly. In seven years I havent learned to stop caring about you, he said, his lips still brushing hers. I dont think I ever will.
Susan tried to block her mind as she gave herself up to his kiss, but for the first time, she wasnt in a hurry to make love with Michael.
And that frightened her most of all. Things were changing already.
SETH TOOK the corner so hard he felt his outside tires leave the road. How could they be so stupid? The sister whod never made a mistake in her life, as far as Seth was concerned. And his friend, who was exactly like Seth himself. It was as if he didnt know either one of them anymore.
By what right could they bring a new life into the world without the means to nurture it? Children needed parents. Two of them. Full-time.
Rounding another curve, he heard a grinding in his steering column and lightened up on the vehicle. His Bronco didnt deserve this abuse. It was faithful to him. Loyal. There when he needed it. And it never asked more from him than he could give.
Some gas. A wash every month. An occasional new tire. Tune-ups. All stuff that could wait until he happened to be in town.
Seth drove until he calmed. down enough to stay within the speed limit, then slowed even more. He wanted a drink. And hed have one. Maybe, considering that it was Saturday, and the day before the Super Bowl to boot, hed have two. Or three.
Keeping the Bronco out of sight of the field, he slid in behind the big weeping willow across the street and to the west, and put the truck in park. But he didnt turn it off. He wasnt staying. Couldnt. He couldnt risk being seen.
He also couldnt seem to stay away.
Every week that he was in town he tried. And every week he ended up right in this same place. Hed thought that maybe today, in his efforts to prevent his sister from making the biggest mistake of her life, hed be spared this little sojourn.
But even that peace had been denied him.
So here he sat, champing at the bit as he watched Mitchs dad massacre what had promised to be a damn good soccer team. The city league was sponsored by the Y and played all year, no matter what the season, in an effort to keep kids off the streets and in organized activities.
Last year, Seth had been their coach.
Use your head! he yelled. And then, ducking his own head, looked around furtively to see if anyone had heard.
Someday hed learn to keep his big mouth shut. Hed have been a lot better off if hed done that before he volunteered to coach soccer for underprivileged kids. Before hed met Jeremy Sinclair. Or his mother.
Finesse, Jeremy, he muttered fiercely. Keep your eye on the ball and your feet in motion.
The boy watched the ball, but he was practically tripping over his feet in his hurry to get down the field.
Dance, son.
Seth itched to get out of the car. To stand at the side of that field and holler. He noticed Peter Adams sitting on the bench, his lower lip jutting out like he was going to cry. None of the boys were smiling. Wishing he could motivate their butts, Seth swallowed instead.
And saw Jeremy glance over. There was no way the kid could see him. He was too far away, camouflaged by a tree. But it was time to go. He couldnt risk practice ending early. Couldnt risk Jeremy finding him there.
Anyway, he wanted that drink.
CHAPTER FIVE
THE MAN WAS enough to drive her to drink. Two oclock Saturday afternoon and theyd spent barely a moment at home. So, of course, Michael still hadnt made love to her. Hed touched her. Hell, he could hardly keep his hands off her. Yet the second things started to progress, hed find something to talk about.
Without really talking about anything at all.
And Susan thought she was nervous about taking that final, irrevocable step.
This morning, after hed thrown Seth out, hed decided he was hungry, after all. So they went to the new restaurant Seth had recommended for lunch, and a couple of hours disappeared. Then hed asked to see her office on the way back to the condo, giving as his reason the fact that he hadnt been there since shed moved her desk in front of the window.
Eventually, theyd ended up back at the condo. It was either that or go see the Star Trek movie.
Lets make a gingerbread house, Susan said as they pulled in the drive.
What? He looked over at her as though shed lost her mind. Putting her Infiniti in park, he shut off the engine and handed her the keys.
Come on. She grinned at him. Itll be fun. And it would give them something unthreatening to doat home, where there was at least a possibility of babies being made.
You need special candies and stuff to do that, Michael told her as he followed her into the house.
Got them. Shed meant to make a gingerbread house with Spencer and Barbaras five-year-old daughter, Melissa, at Christmastime. Thank goodness shed never mentioned her intentions to Melissa, because she hadnt had a Saturday off in the entire month of December.
Hanging his coat on the rack, Michael reached for hers. Gingerbread houses are for Christmas.
If you promise not to tell Santa, I wont.
Susan. Michael took her in his arms, pulled her against him. Kissed her onceand let her go. A gingerbread house isnt something you finish in an afternoon. They take hours of planning.
Hurt by Michaels unwillingness to make love to her, Susan headed for the kitchen. Then well design a simple one.
Michael had always had artistic flair. His doodles were proof of that. But hed hardly ever stopped working long enough to do more than doodle. Shed like to see him turned loose on a gingerbread house.
Just waiting for the gingerbread to bake and cool takes all day, Michael said, walking into the kitchen.
Weve got all day. Susan was taking ingredients from cupboards, piling them on the kitchen counter. Besides, it wont take that long. We can always pop the pieces in the freezer when they come out of the oven. She had to stand on tiptoe to get the molasses from the cupboard above the stove and Michael was suddenly there, reaching over her, bringing it down.
He brushed his body against hers, then let her go. And told Susan something she desperately needed to know. He wanted her. He was hard as a rock.
But before she could so much as turn in his arms, hed stepped away from her to study the recipe shed put on the counter.
It says you have to chill the dough overnight before you cut it.
So well pop it in the freezer before we bake it, too.
Susan, Im telling you, if you start this now, youll still be at it tomorrow afternoon.
Not with you helping me I wont. She grinned at him to hide her hurt. You want to mix or dump in the ingredients?
Dump. Michael didnt sound any more excited about that than he had about the baby. She hoped he was a little quicker at the dumping or they wouldnt get the house made.
HED BEEN RIGHT, of course. There was no way they were going to finish her damn gingerbread house that day. Theyd been working on it for a couple of hours already and he was still at the designing stage.
But he had to admit the idea had been a good one. He couldnt remember the last time he and Susan had laughed together like this.
You have flour on your nose, he told her, reaching up to brush the dab of white away. His fingers lingered. Hed always loved the softness of her skin, the contrast between it and his rough stubble.
Remember that time we were fooling around in the trees outside my dorm, and Connie Fisher dumped that bag of flour all over us? she asked now, leaning over his shoulder as she surveyed his drawing. Hed been sitting at the table with paper and pencil for the better part of an hour.
She was lucky she was up three flights, he grumbled, remembering all right. Susan had just let him under her shirt for the first time and right before hed had his first real handful of the breasts that had been driving him to distraction all semester, theyd been ambushed.
And shed been donned the rest of the week for missing curfew. Hed had to wait another five days to finally touch her.
Shed been so worth the wait....
I think this is it. He reined in his thoughts, not trusting himself to travel along the road theyd taken. Which was ironic, considering the fact that sex with Susan was his whole reason for being there.
.
.
, (https://www.litres.ru/tara-quinn-taylor/my-babies-and-me-39922034/) .
Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, , , , PayPal, WebMoney, ., QIWI , .
Tara Taylor Quinn
By the Year 2000: BABY!What have you resolved to do by the year 2000?Susan Kennedy's going to have a babyby the time she turns forty. Which is in the year 2000. It's something she's wantedplannedfor the past decade. Now she's got everything she needs to go ahead. A nice home, a successful career, a loving family. Everything except for a husband.She used to have a husbandMichael Kennedyand that's the man she wants for her baby's father. She only needs Michael's "biological" contribution, though.But then, when Susan's pregnant, she discovers two unexpected complications:1. She loves Michael more than ever and wants him to be her husband againand a father to his child.2. There isn't goin to be one baby, but twoshe's having twins!
Im going to have a baby, Michael. (#u409eba6c-440d-55ab-9033-3dcfb599328f)Letter to Reader (#u60b19c6c-08f9-5e50-9ca5-c4a55ce5102a)Title Page (#ufc5e7929-7b53-50b4-bdad-1ff3c352e330)Dedication (#u678b3326-3182-5512-8bb9-4fd870fbb902)CHAPTER ONE (#ubc25f8c8-c5f4-5b4a-acaf-a092b8d43fbf)CHAPTER TWO (#ufcc90933-bf89-51cb-b37a-91e6cef28f71)CHAPTER THREE (#u4b53b525-8bfc-521a-8917-c1ff7187de4f)CHAPTER FOUR (#uc1b7f56d-2e92-5aba-9239-9f4345d8837c)CHAPTER FIVE (#u847b4e1d-cc52-5df0-a5f4-c4d704aaef89)CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER FIFTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER SIXTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER SEVENTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)CHAPTER EIGHTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Im going to have a baby, Michael.
What did you say?
She lay there, gazing up at him, the oddest expression on her face. Im going to have a baby.
You... are. He couldnt, for the moment, think of anything more intelligent to say.
Still wearing that odd expression, Susan nodded.
Who is he? The babys father.
I dont know yet.
Whirling, he faced her. Thered been more than one man? Well, when are you going to find out?
Im not sure. She paused. Youre angry, arent you?
Okay, yeah, Im angry. Im angry as hell at the irresponsibility of whatever man did this to you.
She frowned. Did what to me?
Michael swore, out of all patience. Got you pregnant, of course.
Susan laughed. Shocking him. In the first place, Michael, a man cant get me pregnant all by himself. And in the second, Im not pregnantyet. And in the third place, I havent slept with anyone but you in my entire life.
Dear Reader,
Im delighted to bring you this BY THE YEAR 2000 story. Though Im still in my thirties and have a thirteen-year-old daughter, I relate so much to Susan and her dilemma. A womans independence is a precious thingsomething not easily won or sustained, yet essential to her becoming the person she was meant to be. The trick, of course, is to find the independence and then learn how to be interdependent without losing anything. Because just as never finding independence is only half living, living only with independence is not experiencing life to the fullest, either. Like many women, I teeter on this line often as I struggle to be a mother, a wife, a friend, a writer.
But Susan showed me how its done. I believe in her. And, like Susan, I believe we can have it all if were determined enough, work hard enoughand remember not to take ourselves so seriously all the time.
I wish every one of you a new century of happy lives and happy relationship.
Tara Taylor Quinn
P.S. I love to hear from readers. You can reach me at P.O.
Box 15065, Scottsdale, Arizona 85267-5065 or on-line at
http://www.inficad.com/~ttquinn.
My Babies and Me
Tara Taylor Quinn
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
For Deanna Reames and David Reames.
A woman couldnt ask for better in-laws.
CHAPTER ONE
WILL YOU have my baby?
No. Susan Kennedy shook her head, her layered shoulder-length hair tickling her neck and cheeks. That wasnt quite the line she wanted.
Can I have your baby?
Nope. She dusted the buttons on the telephone with one long slim finger. Misleading. Her ability to have a baby wasnt in question.
So how about May I have your baby?
She toyed with that one, actually dialed Chicagos area code before disconnecting this time. Her goal wasnt to ask his permission but to request his participation in the most monumental event of her life. At the same time she had to make it clearabundantly, in-your-face clearthat she was asking nothing from him.
Other than the initial ten-minute participation. Grinning, Susan amended that last thought. There was no way any physical shenanigans between her and Michael would take less than an hour. They did sex very well.
Which probably meant she was asking for more like two hours of his time. Michael always claimed Susan had a way of making everything seem easier than it really was. Shorter than it was. Less expensive than it was. When shed budgeted one thousand dollars for their trip to the Poconos, hed counted on two.
Damn thing was, shed somehow managed to run through every dime of the two-thousand dollars, just as hed predicted. And Michael, being Michael, had never said a word.
Stupid, smug man.
Stupid enough to father her child? In spite of the fact that theyd been divorced almost as long as theyd been married?
He had to. Period. No other option was acceptable.
So how did she convince him of that?
How about Would you lend me a sperm? That didnt sound like too much to ask. And lend seemed so harmless, so...not-permanent.
But she wasnt planning on giving it back.
All the more reason to call him today. Because lend wasnt what she wanted at all. She wanted him to give it to her, willingly and for keeps, and as Michael always gave her wonderful gifts for her birthday...
January 21. Her birthday. She glanced at the office around her, the plaques on her walls, the windows overlooking the icy Ohio River, Cincinnati, Ohio and Louisville, Kentucky all at once. Sinking into the soft leather of the high-backed maroon chair, she sighed and hung up the phone. Gloomy suddenly, she reached down to pet the red setter snoring on the floor at her feet. She couldnt believe she was actually thirty-nine years old. For a person whod always loved birthdays, she was doing a damn good imitation of hating this one.
Someone dropped a coffee cup in the hall. Hearing it break, Susan hoped it had been empty. Annie, the setter who made her way to Susans office every morning, didnt even budge at the noise. The dog was getting old, too, nearly thirteen. Susans soul mate.
She didnt kid herself, though. In spite of the fact that Susan had known Annie since puppyhood, the dog didnt come to her every morning out of some incredible bonding experience theyd shared. No, Annie just preferred Susans soft carpet to the cold but beautiful ceramic tile that covered the other floors of Hallidays. It was one of the largest, privately owned sporting goods supply companies in the world.
Susan jumped as the phone rang, echoing in her bright, luxurious, tomblike office.
Hello? She grabbed it after the first ring, eager for distraction, praying it wasnt Michael calling to wish her a happy birthday. She wasnt ready to speak with her ex-husband. Not yet.
Hey, old woman, how about lunch?
Seth? Holding the phone away from her ear, Susan grinned. You in town?
Havent missed a birthday yet, have I?
Well... Susan used her best corporate attorneys voice to disguise how thrilled she was that hed made it back. I seem to recall there were those first two...
Seth snorted. Before I was born doesnt count.
Annie rose slowly and lumbered out to the hall, and as loneliness invaded the room, Susans spirits plummeted again. Lunch would be good. Can you go now? she asked.
At 9:30 in the morning? Seth laughed, then stopped abruptly. Something wrong?
Nope. Just dont feel like working today. Which was something wrong.
Ive got one call to make, and Ill be there, Seth promised immediately.
Thanks. Tears in her eyes, Susan hung up the phone. As much of a pain as it had been growing up the only girl with five brothers, Susan was glad she had Seth. He was two years younger, the brother who came directly after her. Shed picked on him all the years theyd lived at home. Shed known she could get away with tormenting him. After all, Susan was the girl, the princess. And while she wasnt allowed to do any of the fun things they didlike go to the batting cages or play catch or go golfingthe boys were all under strict orders not to bully her. So shed bullied Seth relentlessly. Even when hed topped her by a foot and forty pounds.
She wasnt sure just when shed started leaning on him instead.
THANKS FOR meeting with me, Michael. James Coppel, of Coppel Industries, offered Michael Kennedy his hand.
Im happy to be here, sir, Michael shook his hand before taking a seat in Coppels penthouse office suite. Hed just flown in from Chicago.
Although he was careful to do it covertly, Michael took in the opulence around him, his heart rate quickening. Susan should see this, was his first thought. Only his ex-wife could understand the importance of his being there, in that affluent Georgia office suite. Only she would know what it meant to him. He caught a glimpse of himself in an ornate, gold-framed mirror that took up most of the opposite wall and was surprised by his reflection. Well-groomed, dark-haired, he looked...at ease. As if he belonged there.
Would you like some coffee? Coppel asked, relaxing in his chair as he surveyed Michael. The mans hair might have grayed, his skin wrinkled, but hed lost not an inch of his imposing six-foot height in the seven years Michael had known him.
Certainly, Michael replied. He wasnt a coffee drinker, didnt like what the stuff did to his stomach, but hed been in business long enough to know that he had to appear as relaxed as his boss.
Though close to seventy, Coppel was a legend. A genius. The man had never missed a beat in the forty years since hed purchased his first exterminating franchise. Hed built an empire that had interests in just about every industry in the country. Other than film. Coppel had even been smart enough to stay out of Hollywood.
If Michael had ever allowed himself an idol, Coppel would have been it.
The coffee was delivered and with one polished wing tip resting on a suited knee, Michael sat back to calmly sip the dreadful stuff.
How old are you, boy?
Thirty-nine. Legally, Coppel had no right to ask that kind of question, and .they both knew it.
And youve been with Smythe and Westbourne for how long?
Michael would bet every dime of the half million hed saved over the past seven years that Coppel knew exactly how long Michael had been with the Coppel Industries investment firm. To the day.
Seven years.
And in that time youve gone from director of finance of one branch to financial director of the entire operation, showing a three hundred percent increase over the past two years.
Yes, sir. Michael was damn proud of those figures. Theyd cost him. A lot.
Mind telling me your secret?
Michael knew hed finally been asked a legitimate question. A question he could answer with deceptive simplicity. Integrity toward the customer.
Coppel snorted. I run an honest ship, young man. Always have. How do you think Coppel became the name it is? Honest business in a dishonest world. Thats how.
And that was something Michael had known. Even before hed earned his MBA, Michael had chosen the company for which he wanted to work. And set about being the candidate theyd choose when the time came.
I take that one step further, sir, he said now, no longer aware of the opulence of the room or the other mans stature.
He had Coppels complete attention.
Each customer is different, with individual needs. My teams have been taught to treat the customer as a person, to sell him not what we have to sellnot what, in the short run, makes us the most profitbut what he truly needs. It hurts the small picture, sometimes, when we dont make a killing right off the bat. But in the big picture
They go away happy, Coppel interrupted him, eyeing Michael with interest. They come back. They bring their neighbors with them.
Over and over again, Michael said with the conviction of seven years worth of figures to prove his theory.
Lose money to make money, Coppel said.
Sometimes.
Building a whole new level of trust, a new approach to doing businesswhich, I suppose is really an old-time traditional approach.
At least at Smythe and Westbourne.
The other man nodded. So you think you can determine what the customer wants.
I do.
How? Coppel might be testing him, but he was intrigued as well.
By becoming the buyer instead of the seller.
Coppel nodded, his brow clearing. You put yourself in the shoes of the consumer.
And realize that just as all people arent the same, all consumers and their needs arent the same, either.
Looking down at some papers spread in front of him, Coppel said, You appear to have a real talent in this area.
Michael didnt know about that. He thought his real talent lay in profit-and-loss margins and personal infrastructures.
What about your family? Coppel asked. How much of your time do they require?
And for the first time since hed been summoned to this interview more than a month ago, Michael allowed himself to hope. He wanted a move up to one of the bigger, more diverse companies in the Coppel holdings. He needed a new challenge.
None, sir, he said with the confidence of knowing he had the right answer. Im divorced.
No children? It was a well-known fact that Coppel didnt believe a man should desert his children. Which was why hed never had any of his own.
None.
Nodding, Coppel broke into a small, satisfied smile.
You have anybody else who might want a say on your time?
You got a lover? Michael read into the question.
No.
He saw women occasionally, but hed been sleeping with Susan again, on and off, over the past three years, although theyd been divorced for seven. He couldnt seem to find a passion for anyone else.
Any dependents at all?
What is this? Michael shifted in his seat, suddenly uncomfortable. He sent a sizable amount of money to his parents and brother and sisters back in Carlisle, but that was nobodys business except his.
Why?
Eyes narrowed, Coppel sat forward. Im thinking about offering you a new position, a move from a subsidiary company to Coppel Industries itself.
Michael didnt move a muscle. Didnt breathe.
But the position I have in mind would require constant travel, and I wont even consider offering it if that meant youd be shirking personal commitments. I dont break up families.
Coppel had come from a broken family, had his father run out on him, been forced to quit school and provide for his ailing mother. Hed entered high school at nineteen after his mother passed away. Hed put himself through college exterminating bugs, and the rest was history. Not only history, but public knowledge now that Coppel was one of the top businessmen in the country.
I have no one, Michael said.
HE MADE HIMSELF WAIT until he was pacing the gate at the airport before calling Susan. Just to keep things in perspective.
Only to find that she wasnt in her office. A hotshot corporate attorney, Susan was out slaying dragons as often as she was in.
Picturing his ex-wife in her dragon-slaying mode, he grinned as he hung up the phone.
I WANT to have a baby.
Seth spit the whiskey hed been sipping, spraying it across the table. What?
Laughing, Susan wiped a couple of drops of Crown Royal from her neck. At least her silk blouse and suit jacket had been spared. Its not like you to waste good whiskey, she admonished. Actually, she was a little concerned on that score. It was still only eleven. A bit early for her brother to be hitting the hard stuff. Hed ordered a drink the last time theyd met for lunch, as well.
Leaning across the table, Seth whispered, Are you out of your mind?
Not as far as I know.
Susan. He sat upright, every inch the imposing engineer who flew all over the country inspecting multimillion-dollar construction sights. Be serious.
I dont think Ive ever been more serious in my life. She was still grinning, but mostly because if she didnt, she might let him intimidate her.
Why?
Im thirty-nine. Neither of them touched the sandwiches theyd ordered.
Yeah. So?
Susan shrugged. If I dont do it now, Ill have lost the chance.
Thats no reason to have a kid. Youre supposed to want it.
I do. Oddly enough.
Picking up a fry, Seth still looked completely overwrought. Since when?
Since I graduated from law school.
He stared at her, fry suspended in midair. No kidding? Shed obviously surprised him.
I have it all written down. She spoke quickly, eager to elaborate, to convince him that her decision was a good one. The right one. To win his approval. How could she possibly hope to convince Michael if she couldnt even get the brother who championed everything she did on her side?
Before I married Michael, I spent a weekend at a lodge in Kentucky, assessing my life, my goals, my dreams. Life was suddenly looming before me and I was scared. She warmed beneath Seths empathetic gaze. Frightened that Id lose myself along the way somehow. Her brother nodded, looking down at the plate between his elbows.
By the end of the weekend, Id mapped out all my goals, both short- and long-term, in chronological order. Seth was staring at her again, his expression no longer empathetic. Unlike the sophisticated lawyer she was, she rushed on. It was the only way I could be sure I wouldnt let myself down, wouldnt end up sixty years old and regretting what Id done with my lifewhen it was too late to do anything about it. Like their mother, she wanted to add but couldnt. The boys didnt know about those last hours shed spent with their mother before she died. No one knew. Except Michael.
Seth continued to stare silently. I wrote down career goals first, she said, then took a sip of her brothers whiskey. Where I wanted to be by what time. Financial goals. Work goals. Personnal goals. For instance, I wanted to be able to play the violin by the time I was thirty-five.
Thats why you took those lessons?
Because I wanted to learn how to play? Yes.
But did you still want to play the violin when you got to that stage in your life? Seth asked, pinning her with a big-brother stare he had no right to bestow on her. Or did you just take the lessons because youd written down that you had to?
I wanted to learn to play. Shed just been unusually busy that year, which was the only reason she hadnt enjoyed the experience as much as shed thought she would.
When was the last time you picked up your violin?
That was beside the point. Shed been too busy these past four years.
I wanted to travel to Europe by the time I was thirty-six. She steered Seth back to the original conversation. And, she added before he could grill her, I loved every second of the month I spent there.
Of course, shed been with Michael, and as a general rule, she loved every second shed spent with Michael, period. Theyd even made getting divorced fun. Theyd rushed straight home afterward, tripped over his packing boxes on the way to their bedroom and made love furiously until dawn.
Seth chomped on a couple of fries. Brooding. His classically golden good looks were broken by the frown he was wearing.
Ive always known Id have a baby by the year 2000, Susan said softly, seriously, begging her brother to understand.
Listen to you! Learn to play an instrument, go to Europe, have a baby by the year 2000. Its ludicrous, Susan. When his intensity didnt sway her, he slowed down. What happens after you have this baby? he finally asked.
Then I raise him or her.
You cant just bring a child into the world because some stupid plan tells you to, Susan.
Who says I cant? Not exactly an answer to be proud of, but he was making her defensive.
You arent mother material, for Gods sake! Cant you see that?
She opened her mouth but couldnt speak. Not one word came out. She just sat there, mouth gaping, staring at him.
Until her eyes filled with tears. How can you say that?
Im sorry, sis. He glanced away, took a sip of whiskey. I love you, you know that.
Shed thought she did.
Look at your life, Susan, all mapped out, running right on schedule. The last thing children do is follow your schedule. They shouldnt have to. They should be free to follow their own way, their own hearts. And they need parents who can give them the time, the freedom of choice to do so.
Like youd know? she asked, still hurt by his sudden abandonment.
He acknowledged his own lack of family with a nod. I do know, he said, surprising her with his fierceness. Which is exactly why Im so goddamn alone. He finished off his whiskey with one swallow.
Seth?
There was a lot more going on here than she knew. A lot more that she needed to know.
Not now, was all he said, flagging down the waitress for another whiskey.
Susan pushed her plate away, untouched. Shed had breakfast at nine. It was way too early to be thinking about eating again.
Theres another factor thats missing here. Unless something else has happened since I left town.
Susan shook her head. Life had been predictable, the same, for months now.
A baby needs a father. Seths voice was strong again. He made a show of glancing around them. I dont see one hanging around.
Susan took a deep breath. Im going to ask Michael.
Eyes suddenly alight, Seth grinned and grabbed her hand. You two are getting back together?
She couldnt hold his gaze, couldnt watch it dim. Sliding her hand from his, Susan shook her head. Of course not. Nothings changed there.
Careers still come first, you mean? he asked.
Susan nodded, awash in the sadness she felt emanating from her younger brother.
My point exactly. He finished off the second whiskey. A kid deserves to come first.
CHAPTER TWO
SO THIS BABY THING is the reason you didnt feel like working today? Seth asked as he walked her to her car fifteen minutes later. He seemed huge and intimidating in his expensive overcoat.
And he was making her mad again with his refusal to take her seriously about the baby. If she couldnt convince Seth, how in hell was she ever going to convince Michael? But because she didnt want to face the fact that she might not be able to convince either one of them, Susan let his comment go.
To a point.
No, she finally answered him, studying the shadowy trail her breath left on the air.
Theyd reached her Infiniti, and Seth opened the door shed unlocked with her antitheft device as theyd approached. Ive actually got a small problem at work that was making me wish I was somewhere else this morning.
A small problem? Seth leaned into the car, one arm on the hood, one on the open door. That means theres something major coming down. What is it? He paused, frowning again. Your job isnt in jeopardy, is it?
Susan laughed then, but without much humor. Hardly. They both knew she could write her own ticket as far as Halliday Headgear for Sports was concerned. Shed saved them enough money over the years to buy them out twice.
Then what is it?
Just a case Im working on. No big deal. Susan started the car, turning the heat up full blast.
Is Halliday in trouble?
Nope.
You going to tell me, or you want me to just keep asking questions until my ass freezes?
Its nothing, really. Susan grinned up at him. Just a little suit I could have won even before I attended law school.
And?
It was annoying how well Seth knew her. Shed have to remember to stay away from him when she was having birthday blues in the future. I just feel for this boy, okay? His face mask snapped, a production problem with one of the hinges. The kid suffered a subdural hematoma which is pushing against his brain, causing paralysis on one side of his body. His fathers out of work and the family doesnt have insurance. They dont have money for surgery, let alone the months of physical therapy hes going to need.
If his face mask malfunctioned, isnt Halliday responsible?
We would be if hed been wearing it to play softballthe masks intended use.
Why was he wearing it?
Susan looked up at her brother. He was playing soccer.
Hallidays getting off on a technicality?
A big one.
And the kid?
Susan shrugged. I dont know. Even if the surgerys performed, hes not going to be able to walk again without rehabilitation. She took a deep breath. I could win this one for him if I were on his side. I know of a loophole that would override ours. Damn! Seth whistled. You sure as hell dont need to be wasting energy worrying about babies, Susan. Sounds like youve got some soul-searching to do a lot closer to home.
Yeah. Shed be doing some soul-searching, all right, but having a baby was about as close to home as she could get.
A MESSAGE FROM Michael was waiting for her back at the office. Susan was inordinately disappointed to have missed his call. Especially in light of the dissatisfying hour and a half shed just spent with her punk of a brother. Who the hell did he think he was telling her she wasnt mother material? How would he know?
Of course she was mother material. She just hadnt had the occasion to use those maternal skills or instincts or whatever they were...yet. But she would as soon as she could.
Her fingers didnt falter this time as she punched out Michaels number. She had a goal. A purpose. And no one was going to stop her.
Im sorry, Ms. Kennedy, Mr. Kennedy is out of town today....
And that about summed up the day for her, Susan thought as she dropped the phone back in its cradle. Hed left town on her birthday. Hed left town without telling her. What in hell was the world coming to?
She listened indifferently to the remainder of her messages. Her father had called to wish her happy birthday. No round of golf for her. Only her brothers got that invitation for their birthdays. Julie, her brother Scotts wife, not only called to wish her happy birthday, but to invite her to little Joeys second birthday party the following week. Scott was her oldest brother. And her least favorite. He was so much like their dad he made her crazy. But he was a good man and when she was in a normal mood, she had to love him.
Spencer, the doctor in the family and the youngest brother, had called for him and Barbara, his wife, who was also a doctor. What was this? It seemed as if everyone was ganging up on her. Like there was a conspiracy to make her feel better or something. Did they know how miserable she felt? How much she wished the day would just go away?
The thought gave her chills. She didnt want any of them to guess that she wasnt just hunky dory and happy-go-lucky with her perfect little life. Shed been defending it to them forever, and shed bloat up and burst if she suddenly had to eat all those words.
Besides, Stephen and Sean hadnt called yet. Which meant no conspiracy was afoot. Sean, the brother between Seth and Spencer, was the organizer of mutinies in the family. Hed have been the first to call and gloat if he thought he had a way to get to her. And Stephen? Well, she wouldnt be surprised to get a birthday call from him sometime in March. If it werent for the fact that he was a renowned nuclear scientist, shed worry about his IQ. The man was about as clueless as they came. He was also closest to Susan in age, being only one year her senior. He was going to hit forty this year.
Snatching the phone back up, Susan buzzed her assistant. Ill be out for the rest of the day, she said the second Jill answered. She didnt want to enter into any discussions about research and cases on the docket. It was her birthday and she was damn well going to enjoy it. Somehow. She loved birthdays.
The McArthur boy lost his lawyer, Jill reported anyway. I figured youd want to know.
That was true. Susan did want to know. Later.
Any change in his condition? she asked in spite of herself.
Still paralyzed.
Thanks. Susan made a mental note to seek out Tricia Halliday the following week. Surely they could find a compromise on this particular case.
She just wondered how much groveling or bribing shed have to do to get the hard-hearted woman to budge. Tricia cared about being right. Not about being human.
Im taking tomorrow off, as well, she decided out loud. The next day was Friday. She was giving herself a birthday present.
Heading for Chicago? Jill asked. Susan could hear the impertinent grin in her assistants voice.
Not that you know about.
Dont worry, Susan, therell be no calls from me unless the old lady croaks.
Even that can wait until Monday, Susan muttered as she hung up the phone.
Michaels secretary had said hed be back that night. She was going to be there to welcome him home personally. She needed a fix.
And maybe, just maybe, shed get up the guts to ask for the present she wanted most in the world.
A tiny little life to nurture and love and fill her up again.
She had a feeling shed have to put forth the most convincing argument of her life if she hoped to win this one. Of course, that was what shed thought when shed been set on talking Michael out of their divorce. And look where that had gotten her.
MICHAEL TRIED to reach Susan again when he touched down in Chicago. Not only was he dying to share his news, even if everything was only in the possibility stages, hed also remembered on the flight home that today was Susans birthday. To celebrate, he stopped at the American Airlines counter and bought them both tickets to Hawaii for Easter weekend. It had been too long since either of them had taken a vacation.
The tickets were open-ended, as always. He could change them if Easter wasnt good for her.
She was out of the office until Monday. Still no answer at the condo. Knowing how much Susan loved birthdays, knowing more than anyone how she did everything to excess, he was sure shed found some crazy way to celebrate this last birthday in her thirties. Things like that mattered to Susan. Celebrating. And momentous birthdays. Michael usually had to stop and think to even remember how old he was. Age wasnt anything that had ever mattered to him. He supposed it might be different for women.
Catching sight of a departure board as he walked by, Michael found himself searching for any flights leaving for Cincinnati that evening. He wanted to be with Susan. To share his news. To share her celebration. To make love to her...
He wanted to go home.
And because his wanting threatened to override good sense, Michael went to pick up his forest-green Pathfinder from the airports parking garage instead. His home was here for now, in the condo hed purchased when hed moved to Chicago seven years ago. He and Susan had made their choices then. Forced to decide between staying together and climbing to the top, neither one had been willing to give up on career success. As great as their marriage had been, their careers had meant moreto both of them.
He had the days industrial summaries to go over. Reports to study. Hed catch Susan later when she was all celebrated out.
And maybe hed be able to talk her into a quick trip to Chicago in the not-too-distant future.
Two DRINKS AT LUNCH. Another one instead of dinner. And peace was as elusive as ever. Seth Carmichael stayed at his desk until his eyes stung from lack of sleep, and he knew he had to pack it in. Go home. Hed been up for more than twenty-four hours. Hed taken the red-eye after last nights meetings in Alaska to make it back here in time for Susans birthday. Hed like to think that meant hed fall into bed the second he hit his apartment, that hed sleep the sleep of the just. Or the dead.
But he knew he wouldnt.
And that was why he was still at work two hours after everyone else had gone home for the night. Of course, they all had families to go home to. Seth had an apartment filled with stale air. There werent even any plants sharing the place with him. He was gone so much any plants he brought home just shriveled up and died.
He locked up carefully and walked out of the building that housed the offices held by Hier Engineering. In the parking lot, Seth climbed into his Bronco, pleased with the power beneath his hands as the engine turned over instantly.
Bitch of it was, he liked his life. Or he had. He loved his job. Enough to know that when he was seeing double like this, he had to leave the figures alone. He couldnt risk a mathematical error that could result in a tragic accidenta building not as sturdy as it needed to be, a bridge that cracked. These were his real nightmares.
Almost of its own accord, Seths Bronco headed in the opposite direction from home, toward a part of town he no longer had any reason to visit.
So why were his nights filled with a couple of sullen little faces and a more determined beautiful one? It had been four months since Lauras ultimatum. Four months.
He felt as raw as if shed hurled those hateful words only yesterday. They were as clear in his mind as if she had.
Hell, it wasnt like shed been a permanent fixture in his life. Or her kids, either. Hed only met them the previous summer when hed shown up to coach soccer to a bunch of underprivileged kids and met a little boy with a whole lot of defensiveness but a lot of talent, too. Hed been drawn to Jeremy from that very first day, thinking of him at odd times through the weeks that followedtrying to figure out a way to help him.
And the boys mother... He could still remember the first time hed stopped by Jeremys house to speak to his parents about the boys talent. Hed thought Laura was the boys sister when she answered the door. Her silky blond hair had been hanging loose over a frayed tank top. And her cutoff shorts had had more holes in them than her tennis shoes.
Hed been poleaxed right from the start. And that was before shed even opened her mouth, before hed discovered her indomitable strength. Before hed found out the good newsshe was single. Divorced.
The Bronco sped down the exit ramp. Seth didnt reduce his speed as he continued on.
And Susan. What in hell had gotten into his sister? Didnt she know she was his hero? That he measured everything he did by her standards? How could she do something as stupid, as heartless, as to even consider bringing a child into the world simply because shed written it down in her damn planner? Who was going to raise that child, nurture him, love him, while Susan spent fourteen hours a day at work?
The soccer field came into view before he slowed down enough to be cautious. Jeremy might not even be there. Hed probably quit practicing the second Seth walked out the door of his mothers house. Or maybe it had been the next week, when hed gone to soccer practice and discovered that Seth was no longer his coach.
At least he knew the kid was still on the team. He supposed that was something.
And what would Seth say to the boy if Jeremy was at the field by himself? Hey, kid, good to see ya. Sorry you werent important enough to me.
Right. Just what a nine-year-old needed to hear. Face it. That was exactly what Jeremy was thinking, anyway. The kids father had run out on him. Hed expected Seth to do the same. And Seth had obliged.
The field was empty, just as hed realized it would be. Of course, it was January. Freezing. Who kicked around soccer balls at eight-thirty on a January night?
Jeremy would have. If Seth had still been around to encourage him. The boy had ability. And he loved to play. Soccer was the one thing that could help Seth get through to Jeremy. That could make Jeremy feel good about himself.
Driving by Lauras house was a given.
Maybe he should stop in to say hello. Just to make sure they were all right. There were lights on in the front room, and a glow from the television that appeared to be Jeremys only solace these days, his only escape.
The front yard was still nothing but a tiny square of hard dirt; the sidewalk was cracked, pieces missing; half the porch sagged. Hed repeatedly offered to set her up in a better place, a better part of town. Shed refused every time. And when he couldnt stand having her there any longer, when hed found her a place on his own, made all the arrangements for her to move, when hed insisted she accept his offer, shed given him the ultimatum that had ended everything.
Light flickered on the homemade curtains, probably a reflection from the television screen. He wondered if Jeremy was still looking out for his little sister.
Seth had driven by Jennys school last month, and the little girl had been off by herself, leaning against a corner of the building while her classmates played. Shed seen too much in her young life to be capable of make-believe. To find any joy in childish antics.
Seth had hoped to change that, too. Just as hed once thought hed be able to bring an easy sparkle back to Lauras eyes. But the bastard whod helped create that family had done some real work on all of them. The bruises hed left behind, both physical and mental, were more than Seth had been able to eradicate.
Hed wanted to be their friend. Theyd needed more than that. A single-parent family usually did.
Slamming his gloved hand down hard on the steering wheel, Seth sped away from the run-down neighborhood where Laura lived; he didnt slow down until hed reached the bar right around the corner from his apartment complex. He could walk home from there if he got lucky enough to be too wasted to drive.
He just couldnt believe Susan was actually planning a single-parent family. What if she had a boy? Boys needed fathers. Jeremy was proof of that.
Hed given his sister credit for having more sense.
SHED COME PREPARED. Slipping into the public rest room in the lobby of the condo sales office in Michaels complex, Susan quickly took off her suit, bra and panty hose, donning nylons, a garter and a lavender French-cut negligee. She might be pushing forty but her body still looked goodcurved in the right places, tight where it should be. Touching up her makeup didnt take but a second, just long enough to coat her lips with wet luscious red. Her nipples puckered with cold, and probably a bit of anticipation, too, as she slid her overcoat and shoes back on, picked up her weekend bag and sedately reentered the lobby.
Shed brought protection, too, just in case Michael hadnt replaced the box theyd finished off the last time she was in town. There was no place in her plan for an unexpected pregnancy, no place for manipulation or dishonesty. If she was going to have Michaels baby, it was going to be with his permission.
An evening sales associate tossed her a welcoming smile as Susan sailed regally past her and into the night, shaking back her hair. Gold with streaks of light chocolatethat was how Michael had always described her hair. Gold and chocolate. Of course, hed also said it almost exactly matched the oak of her desk, but that was when hed had her lying on top of it.
Her desk would have been a little cumbersome to bring, so shed settled for his favorite whiskeya rich golden Scotchand a box of his favorite chocolatesall lights. While hed understand the significance of her offering, he might think her a little odd for bringing him presents on her birthday, but she wasnt leaving anything to chance. She wanted his senses overflowing. She wanted distraction.
She wanted to ask a favor and she was scared to death hed think she was crazy. Of course, his immediate answer would probably be no. Shed wait until he was stone-cold sober before shed accept that decision.
MICHAEL WAS ELATED and instantly hard when he opened the door of his condo to see Susan standing there, coat gaping, his own personal paramour. But he wasnt really surprised. Hed been thinking of her all day. Needing her. And she was here.
That was just the way it was with them.
Lady, you read my mind. He gathered her close, his hands sliding inside the open overcoat, as he kicked the door closed.
Hello, Michael, she laughed when he let her up for air.
He kissed her again, tasting her, turned on as much by the familiarity of her as the luscious breasts he felt against him. Happy birthday, sweetheart. He nuzzled her neck, her collarbone.
Thank you. Her voice wasnt quite steady. She was on fire, too. Even after all these years, it was still instantaneous combustion. For both of them.
Mind if I put these things down?
Michael took her bag and the gifts she held without removing his lips from her body. He set her things on the high-backed wicker chair in the foyer and then, turning, forced her backward toward the stairs that led to his bedroom.
He was damn glad she was here.
WHERE WERE YOU TODAY? Susans words were soft, sleepy, her finger toying with his nipple as he lay facing her, still inside her.
Atlanta.
Her eyes were closed, but her face was taut, her body tense as she continued to play with him. On business?
Later. At the moment, Michael couldnt even remember why hed thought the days meeting so important.
Mmm-hmm. Susans tongue darted out to his lips and then was gone. Later.
MICHAEL?
Mmm-hmm? Hed just been thinking he should rouse himself enough to tell her his good news. As soon as he was strong enough for another celebration.
We can always talk to each other about everything, cant we?
Although he didnt shift from his position propped on the pillows with Susan cradled against his chest, Michael was instantly alert. Lethargy evaporated to be replaced with caution. And maybe something else. Maybe fear.
Ive always thought so.
Yeah, me, too.
Her breathing became more regular as she lay there silently, more relaxed, as though she were going to sleep. Was that it, then? Just a reaffirmation of what they were to each other?
Granted, their relationship was far from traditional, an open-ended friendship with no strings attached. But it worked for him. And for her, too, he thought. Had she just needed reassurance? He was loath to move, to disturb her. Loath to find out there was more.
So, if...something...changed for me, I could tell you?
What had changed? Of course you could.
Had she found someone else? Someone in Cincinnati? God forbid, someone she wanted to marry?
Michaels throat was dry, but he tried to be calm, reasonable. She wouldnt have shown up here tonight, wouldnt be lying naked in his arms, satiated with a couple of hours of healthy love if there was someone else, right?
Unless...
He thought back to the dayand nightof their divorce. Sex was exactly how shed said goodbye.
He couldnt stand the idea of her with someone else.
So has something changed? He finally had to ask. Had to know.
Maybe.
Maybe? Could you maybe be in love with someone else?
He continued to hold her, to run one hand lightly up and down her naked back.
Youre not sure?
The entire conversation was ludicrous. Susan in love with someone else? Making love with someone else? He might have worried about something like that in the beginning, seven years ago, right after their divorce. But now?
Im sure.
His hand stilled. You are.
Her hair was rough against his chest as, slowly, she nodded.
Then why in hell are you lying here, naked, in my bed, in my arms? He wanted to shout at her. Almost did.
Until it occurred to him that Susan had every right to fall in love with someone else. And that he had no rights at all. Not anymore.
Once, he had.
But hed given them up.
CHAPTER THREE
IM GOING to have a baby, Michael.
Michael flew out of bed, hardly aware of her head flopping onto the pillows behind him as he stood on the thick carpet covering his bedroom floor.
And then, feeling incredibly foolish, he realized he must have misunderstood, heard her wrong. Hed thought, for a second there, that shed told him she was pregnant.
What did you say? He stalled, looking for a way to explain his bizarre behavior without actually telling her what he thought shed said.
She lay there, gazing up at him, the oddest expression on her face. Half fearful, half belligerent. Her chocolately golden hair was scattered about her face and tangled on the pillows beneath her, her lips bare and swollen, her eyes wide. Shed pulled the covers up to her chin. She looked about sixteen.
Im going to have a baby.
The breath knocked out of him, Michael felt as though hed been sucker punched. If he hadnt been butt naked hed have sunk to the floor.
You...are. He couldnt, for the moment, think of anything more intelligent to say.
Still wearing that odd expression, Susan nodded. He hated the way she was looking at him. Hated seeing her so unsure. Hated everything about this damn evening. This day. This life.
Youre going to have a baby. He just couldnt make sense of it.
She nodded again.
Susan was pregnant. His Susan. The woman whose career meant more to her than anything, including him, was going to be encumbered with someone elses child.
Hed kill the bastard whod done this to her.
Who is he? Michael reached for his slacks and, not taking time for underwear, pulled them on. He would hunt the guy down and kill him with his bare hands for not loving Susan more responsibly. Hell, for loving her at all.
I dont know yet.
So intent was he on finding some shoes, a shirt, he barely heard the words when she first uttered them. But as he buttoned his shirt, cussing at every little buttonhole, her voice slowly sank in.
Whirling, he faced her. You dont know yet? He had to be asleep, having the craziest nightmare of his life. There was no other way to explain the things he was hearing.
Unusually winded, Susan shook her head.
Thered been more than one man? Well, when are you going to find out? Didnt they have to wait until after the baby was born to determine paternity?
Im not sure.
Im going downstairs.
Michael took the stairs three at a timehalf sliding, half running in his hurry to get away from her. To get away from the whole sordid mess. With a Scotch in hand, and one small light on above the bar, he paced his living room, doing some quick desperate math. Hed seen Susan at Christmas, but hed only been able to spare the one day and her whole family had been around. Hed been busy as hell all through the fall with year-end approaching, and dammit, this baby couldnt be his.
His gut hard, he figured out that it had been a good four months since hed made love to Susan. And there was no way she was four months along. Her belly was as flat as always. He knew. Hed just spent the past two hours intimately acquainted with it.
Not that hed wanted the baby to be his. He finished off the shot of whiskey hed poured. Not at all. Certainly no more than Susan wanted to be pregnant. He couldnt think of anything shed want less. Except maybe death. Or anything hed want less, for that matter.
He also couldnt get past the sick feeling of knowing that another man had done this to her. Dammit! Why hadnt she been more careful?
Youre angry, arent you?
Shed appeared behind him, wearing a rumpled mens shirt. Shed found the shirt hed worn to work earlier and wrapped herself in it. The shirt reminded him of his meeting with Coppel.
No.
Dont lie to me, Michael.
He turned toward her. She was right. Lying to each other was one thing he and Susan had never done.
Okay, yeah, Im angry. So angry he could feel his nostrils flaring.
Why? It has nothing to do with you.
So why, if that was supposed to make it okay, didnt he feel okay?
For one thing, Im angry as hell at the irresponsibility of whatever man did this to you.
She frowned, dropping down to his leather couch, folding her feet beneath her. Did what to me?
Michael swore, out of all patience. Got you pregnant, of course. Did pregnancy make a woman stupid, too? Hed thought it only caused pickle cravings and crying attacks.
Susan laughed. Shocking him. In the first place, Michael, a man cant get me pregnant all by himself.
She had him there.
Secondly, Im not pregnantyet.
The whiskey was clouding his brain.
And in the third place, I havent slept with anyone but you in my entire life.
Well, that was okay then.
Michael fell down to the couch beside her, feeling a little drunk, though hed only had the one shot. Thank God.
Only him. In her entire life. He started to grin.
She grazed his face with one slim hand. Would it really have mattered so much if there was someone in Cincinnati? Her words were soft, easy, but the light in her eyes was soul-deep.
It would. In seven years time, theyd never discussed fidelity. Or infidelity, either.
Im glad.
Pulling her into his arms, Michael held her, wondering if theyd just made some kind of crazy commitment in this relationship that wasnt. And hoping, irrationally, that they had.
Slowly, though, as he sat listening to her breathing in the quiet of the night, Michaels mind started to clear. He still had his good news to share. But first...
Why did you say you were going to have a baby if you arent? he asked, frowning in the near darkness.
Who says Im not? She turned to look at him.
You just did.
No, I didnt.
Susan... His tension was building again. You just said
That Im not pregnant, she finished for him. But Im going to be.
When?
Soon, I hope.
Aghast, he stared at her. Why?
Because I want to be.
But... He was adrift. Lost. He stared at a scrap of paper hed been doodling on earlier and left on the coffee table. ...then youd have a child.
I know. It was the quiet conviction in Susans words that got to him. And scared the hell out of him. Who was this woman? Susan didnt want children.
Did she?
Will you give me a baby, Michael?
Michael jumped up again. No! He hadnt meant the word to be so loudso harsh. Youre kidding, right? It was late; shed been working long hours. That must be it.
As soon as she started to shake her head, Michael looked away.
Please try to understand, Michael.
Looking back at her, he nodded. He wanted to understand.
Having a baby is something Ive always planned to do.
Since when?
Since before you and I were married.
And you dont think I should have known about this?
Probably, but we were young. We had so many goals. She shrugged. Neither one of us wanted a child then.
But you planned to have one later. He was trying to understand. He really was.
By the time I was forty.
You never mentioned it because you werent planning to stay married to me? He supposed the question was a bit ludicrous considering that they werent married, but had she gone into the marriage knowing it wouldnt last?
I just figured that once wed both done what we had to do, reached our career goals, wed be ready to talk about having a family.
He nodded. At least she hadnt been planning their divorce before shed even married him. And theyd never actually said they were never going to have children. Hed just assumed, since she was as career-driven as he wassince she put job above all else and completely accepted the fact that he did, toohed just assumed she didnt want a family as much as he didnt want one.
Maybe he knew her better than she knew herself.
Sitting down beside her, Michael once again took her in his arms. Having her there with him was the only thing that felt right, natural... normal.
Susan, honey, youre at a particularly vulnerable time in your life. A time when people make rash decisions. And then spend the next twenty years regretting them.
Dont patronize me, Michael. She pulled away from him, one-hundred percent intimidating attorney, even while wearing nothing more than his shirt. I am not going through a midlife crisis.
Its perfectly natural.
And Im not going through one.
Most people dont realize that they are.
And do they start them in their twenties?
You cant honestly consider some half-baked thought you once had about having a child as proof that you really wanted it. If you did, whyd you wait so long?
Because I knew I could afford to wait. That I needed to wait. Her eyes pleaded with him to take her seriously. The thought, even back then, wasnt half-baked.
How can you be so sure about a decision like this?
Remember when I went to Kentucky that weekend before we got married?
Of course. Hed been scared to death she was going to change her mind.
I went because I was having second thoughts. I was afraid that by marrying you, I was going to lose me.
You never told me that. Michael pulled at a string coming loose from the button at the bottom of his shirt.
I know. She smiled sadly. Youd just have told me you wouldnt let that happen, that you wouldnt take away who I was or needed to be.
Because its true.
But sometimes these things happen to people without their even noticing it. She took his hand, held it in her lap. You wouldnt knowingly or purposely have distracted me from my goals, Michael. Just my loving you, wanting to make you happy might have done that. She paused, then began again, her voice low. Once you start...subjugating yourself, you dont even know anymore whose interests youre really protecting. And then youre fifty or sixty years old and resenting everyone because you havent done what you needed to do in life and its too late. Look what happened to my mother. Because of our family.
And suddenly Michael began to understand. Hed been the one to pick up the pieces of Susans tortured heart after Rose Carmichael died. They hadnt been married yet, but hed helped her come to grips with that last, painful conversation. Helped her work through the regrets, the recriminations.
I wrote out a life plan that weekend in Kentucky, Michael. My goals, my dreams. And target dates by which I either had to decide they no longer matteredor I had to fulfill them.
Michael started to feel a little sick. Having a baby was on that list.
Susan nodded.
And it still matters.
Yes.
The last thing in the world he wanted was a baby. He had his own reasons. And, like Susans, they came from examples set by his parents. To Michael, having a child meant his life was over.
Hed felt that even before the meeting with Coppel.
Have you talked to anyone else about this?
Just Seth.
And?
She was silent. Her eyes fell for a moment and then returned to his. Seths hardly one to understand.
Based on her brothers bachelor life-style, he supposed not. But Seth had always championed his big sister, had walked in her footsteps as long as Michael had known him. Michael had even begun to wonder if maybe Seth was still alone, married to his career, because he was following Susans example.
He thinks youre crazy?
Susan shrugged, shocking Michael when her eyes filled with tears. He doesnt think Im mother material.
Seths lack of confidence had shaken her. Hes nuts. Michael heard the words before hed even realized hed had the thought.
Really? Her beautiful eyes glowed with uncertainty in the dusky room.
Just look at Seth if you need evidence, Michael said. You practically raised him. Which was one of the reasons Michael had thought shed never want children. With three younger brothers, shed had more than her share of babysitting and housework and driving her brothers to practices and games. Her mother had needed her at home, so her high-school years had been rife with missed opportunities.
Somehow she was back in his arms and Michael soaked up her warmth, her soft feminine scent. The evening washed over himthe good and the bad. Was her need to have this child so great that shed be willing to give up her job? Move to Chicago?
The thought wasnt as displeasing as it might have been. Hed lost track of the number of times hed wished hed never had to divorce her in the first place. The number of sleepless nights hed spent lying beside her, trying to convince himself that a long-distance relationship could work. Instead, hed been tortured with visions of needing his wife at some important function and her not being there, or vice versa. Hed imagined them wearing themselves out trying to be together every weekend out of obligation to each other. And hed thought of what marriage meant, of the expectations it brought, of two people being one unitand just couldnt picture the link between him and Susan stretched across two states. Visions haunted him of the damage theyd eventually do to each other by trying to hang on when they kept disappointing each other, when expectations couldnt possibly be met. Hed tried to imagine himself being a good husband to Susan from Chicago and knew that hed had no choice but to let her go. Hed finally had to face the fact that they couldnt possibly be true to themselves, to their own needs and desires, and to each other, as well. There wasnt room in either of their lives for anyone elses expectations.
But that was before hed known she wanted to have a baby.
You want us to get married again, he summed up.
She didnt say anything right away. Nothings changed for us, has it Michael? she finally asked, frowning.
How do you mean?
Our reason for divorcing. Your career needing you one place, mine needing me another.
So, she wasnt planning to move to Chicago? Not for me, it hasnt.
Then why would we get married again?
So you can have your baby.
This is almost the new millennium, Michael. Her voice was a little arrogant as she settled back against him. Hard. You dont have to be married to have a baby.
He was apparently too damn tired to think straight. Do you mind telling me then, what exactly you do want from me?
Your sperm. Susan grinned up at him. And he saw in her eyes, in the cocky tilt to her mouth, the woman hed fallen in love with so many years before. The one who always made everything sound so easy.
ALMOST FOUR DAYS LATER, Susan couldnt believe how relieved she was to have asked the question. She knew there was a good chance Michael was going to say no. But she couldnt ignore the fact that he hadnt already done so. And couldnt help but hope that he wouldnt.
Shed spent the rest of the weekend in Chicago, and it had been just like old times. Hed taken both days off in deference to her birthday and theyd played to their hearts content. In bed and out of it
Theyd done the city, gone to the zoo, walked along the skydeck of the Sears Tower, taken a walking tour through downtown Chicago to view the skyscrapers. Theyd been sidetracked before theyd actually seen many skyscrapers, however. The cold and their hunger had driven them inside. After an hour and a half spent stuffing themselves at Michaels favorite restaurant down by the lake, Michael had driven her through the Lake Shore Drive Apartmentsglass houses he called themand out to the Widow Clarke House, the oldest surviving building in Chicago.
And not once, throughout the entire weekend, did they mention Susans babyor anything else remotely serious.
But she knew Michael. He was thinking about the baby. And hed let her know when hed made a decision. She just hoped it was sometime before her fortieth birthday.
In any case, she was feeling better Monday morning than she had in a long while. Shed asked him. She could afford to wait. At least for a week or two.
In the meantime, she had another little problem to attend to. A problem named Tricia Halliday. Tricias officeit was still hard for Susan to think of it that wayoccupied the whole floor above Susans. Formerly belonging to Tricias husband, Ed, the room was a sportsmans dream. It had a half basketball court at one end, basketball being Eds favorite sport, a putting green running along one wall, and a ceramic tile floor underneath the furniture to accommodate Eds best friend, Annie. And it was all wrong for Eds widow, Tricia.
Susan had gone to work for Ed right out of college. Having grown up with five brothers, she fit right in with the sports talk, understood the needs of athletes. She could even hold her own on the basketball court if she had to. And shed adored Ed. Shed been devastated when hed died of a heart attack last year, playing tennis at his club one Sunday afternoon.
Hed reminded her of her dad with his patience, his ability to see what was done well rather than focusing on what hadnt been done, his insistence on looking at the bright side, the right side. The major difference between the two men, as evidenced by Susans position in the company, was Eds lack of chauvinism. He hadnt thought, as Susans father did, that men and women had to be pigeonholed into particular roles.
Unfortunately, Eds character hadnt rubbed off on his widow. Tricia was honest and hardworking, but her only interest was in the bottom line. Her pocketbook. And as Halliday Headgear was a privately held company, there wasnt a lot anybody could do once the CEO made up her mind about something. Except live with it. Or quit.
Dressed in her red power suit, Susan faced Tricia across Eds desk, determined not to leave without some sort of compromise in the McArthur case.
Are you telling me you cant win this suit? the older woman asked, her brows almost touching with the force of her frown.
No. Im not telling you that.
It was my understanding that my ten-year-old nephew could win this one for us.
Probably.
So why are we wasting my valuable time, and yours, discussing it?
Because the McArthur boy didnt do anything wrong, Tricia. True, he was playing soccer instead of softball, but the mask would have broken, probably with more serious repercussions, if hed been hit with a softball rather than a soccer ball.
He wasnt.
No, he wasnt. Susan paused, eyed her boss, and started again. But that boy is still paralyzed because of the malfunction of our equipment.
What do you want from me, Susan?
Susan stood, leaned over the front of Tricias imposing desk. I want us to settle out of court, to fund the boys operationand his physical therapy afterward.
Tricia stood up, too. Thats got to be thousands of dollars.
The lawsuit could cost you a lot more than that.
But were not going to lose the suit.
I had Jill spend a day with Grady Moses down in production. Looking around at the motivational posters on the walls, the peaks being scaled by climbers, the shots being made, the rides and runs and jumps, Susan took heart from Eds memory. She found out that there was a malfunction several months ago on one of the machines. Six cases of masks were damaged before the error was noticed. Their hinges didnt have double sealings.
Im aware of the problem. Tricia nodded. The machine was fixed, the cases were pulled.
Five of the six cases were pulled, Susan corrected. While Grady was at lunch someone used the sixth case to fill an order. The masks had been on back order for weeks and someone in shipping was a little too eager.
Carefully, slowly, Tricia sat back down. Her eyes never left Susans face. Youre telling me were going to have more lawsuits, and somewhere along the way, one of thems going to be the result of a softball injury.
And the McArthur incident would come to light giving Halliday Headgear some very bad press.
No. Susan almost wished she didnt have to be honest. Grady was able to track down the orders and make exchanges.
Relief softening her face, Tricia spread her arms wide. Then we dont have a problem.
The mens club in Valdez had ordered five of the recalled masks. They sent back four damaged ones, but the fifth one they returned was a first-quality mask. By mistake, they kept the fifth damaged one for the boys at their church to use.
I see. Tricia folded her hands on top of the desk.
Breathing her first easy breath, Susan hoped Tricia finally did see, and waited patiently for instructions to prepare the out-of-court settlement.
Were certain this is the only mask that escaped notice?
Positive. Susan nodded, perching on the edge of the desk. Grady checked and rechecked the serial numbers.
Then well proceed as originally directed.
But... Susan stood, staring down at her boss. We know the mask was faulty, she said, trying very hard not to raise her voice. We know the boy wouldve been hurt no matter what ball hit him. Its only a technicality that he happened to be playing soccer instead of softball.
And court cases are won on technicalities all the time.
You realize that if this information is made known, your chances of winning will drop considerably.
Tricias eyes narrowed. Are you threatening me?
Of course not! Susan backed away from the desk. Ive been with Halliday Headgear since college, Tricia. Ive always, always seen to the best interests of the company.
Head bowed, Tricia said, Im sorry, Susan. Of course Im fully aware of how much youve done for us, how lucky we are to have you. She looked up and Susan saw the sincerity in the other womans eyes.
Thank you.
Now, was that all you needed to see me about?
Just like that, Tricia expected this to go away. I cant rest the case yet, Tricia. An eight-year-old boy may never walk again.
Shrugging, Tricia pulled a pile of papers toward her. I pay you to be thorough, Susan. Keep searching if you feel you must to protect the company, but unless youve got something new to tell me, I dont need to hear about this case again.
Too furious to do anything else, Susan turned and left the office.
CHAPTER FOUR
IF HE DIDNT make her pregnant, someone else would.
No matter how many different ways Michael looked at the situation, he always ended up back in the very same place. Susan wanted him to impregnate her, but if he said no, she wasnt going to give up on this crazy idea. Hed be sending her directly into the bedroom of another man.
By Thursday afternoon he had one hell of a headache. And still no answers. In desperation he turned to the only other person he could possibly call. His ex-brother-in-law, Sethand, next to Susan, his closest friend.
Whats up? Seth asked as soon theyd assured each other they were fine and that both of them had absolutely nothing to do next Sunday but watch the Super Bowl.
Im sure you can guess. Michael was finding it a little difficult to say the words. He was that opposed to the whole idea. Picking up a pencil, he started to sketch a couple of cartoon characters, a man and a woman, jumping out of an airplane without parachutes.
Susan told me she asked you about the baby.
And she told me you think shes insane. He dropped his pencil.
I never said that!
No. Michael remembered the tears in Susans eyes. You told her you didnt think shed make a good mother.
Sounding unusually defensive, Seth said, And you think she would?
Swiveling his chair away from his desk, Michael looked out the window behind him. He gained no inspiration at all from the barren tree limbs outside.
She did all right by you and Sean and Spencer.
She didnt have a career then.
She has a career now and she still looks out for you.
Seth swore softly. Come on, Michael, you know it isnt the same thing. A kid deserves better than absences, vague promises, excuses.
So, it isnt her mothering abilities you doubt. He rested his feet on the windowsill. Its her time management.
Or her priorities, Seth said. You know her, Michael, shes been biting off more than she can chew her entire life, all the while insisting shell manage. She always thinks that whatever shes tackling is a piece of cake.
He agreed with Seth. But... She does manage in the end.
Up until now shes only had one priority.
That was true, too. But who was to say she wouldnt handle two priorities as successfully as she handled one? If she wanted both of them badly enough...
Michael brushed a piece of lint off his navy slacks. Answer me something...
If I can.
Do you think she really knows what she wants?
If you mean do I think she really wants this baby, then yes, I do.
Michael was afraid hed say that. Yeah, me, too.
So...you going to give it to her?
This had to be one of the oddest conversations in the history of manor at least of brothers-in-law. But Michael was getting nowhere on his own. And the decision was too important to be clouded by confusion or wishful thinking.
I dont know, he finally said.
Seth hesitated. You know shell, uh, find someone else if you dont.
I had considered that. At least a million times in the past six days. But she might not.
I dont think anything but an act of God is going to keep Susan from having her baby.
Neither did Michael. Dammit. And damn Seth for saying so. Theres always artificial insemination.
I really doubt shed consider it.
So did Michael.
Shed want to know the man whos going to be, biologically speaking, the other half of her child, Michael said before he had to hear it from Seth.
Shed insist on having the inside scoop on the littlest things, like how soon hed learned to tie his shoes, how close his family was, whether or not he liked to go to the movies. Seth twisted the knife a little deeper.
Shed ask for a complete genealogical workup going as far back as possible. Michael rubbed more salt into his wound.
After all, Susan was a lawyer. A damn good one. She wanted all the answers.
Of course, all that extra effort, getting to know someone that well, tracking down someones heritageit might be a little off-putting, might make her reconsider.... Seth was obviously trying his best to help.
Not Susan. Michael voiced what both men knew. Turning, he picked up the pencil and added some finishing touches to the cartoon. Because shed underestimate the work involved, the difficulties. Just like she always does. Just like she had that night shed tried to talk him out of the divorce. Shed made it all sound so simple. Him living in one state, her in another. But hed known a marriage could never survive under those circumstances. Marriage meant commitment, expectations. Sharing one life. Not two.
So, you going to do it? Seth asked painfully, as though he were suffering right along with Michael. And, in a sense, he probably was. Seth obviously felt pretty strongly that Susan was making a big mistake.
Michael tossed the pencil. The last thing in the world I want is to be a father.
I dont think Susans looking for a father, Seth said. I had the impression she just wants the...you know. The genes. He could tell Seth didnt approve of that, either.
Yeah, Michael said. Thats the way I took it. She wanted his sperm. Not him.
And that rankled, too.
THE OFFER FROM Coppel Industries came through on Friday morning. Coppel stockholders wanted to make Michael a vice president of finance. If he accepted, hed be on the road, traveling around the country, analyzing current holdings, but mostly seeking out new ones. Diversification was the key to success. And Coppel felt that Michael could pick winners.
Hed have an office, too, a posh one, at Coppel headquarters in Atlanta.
The offer exceeded his expectations; it was a culmination of everything hed worked for his entire life. More than a dream come true, it was a mountain successfully scaled, a goal reached, years of endless toil rewarded. Of course, it also came with Coppels words of warning still ringing in Michaels ear. No entanglements. No dependents.
Michael took the job.
OKAY.
Okay? Susan sat down. Shed been waiting for his call all week.
I cant pretend Im happy about this.
Sitting on the floor of her bedroom, wearing nothing but the slip and panty hose shed been in the process of taking off, Susan couldnt stop grinning. I know. She couldnt believe it! He was really going to do it.
You dont have a child on a whim, Susan.
I dont do anything on a whim, Michael.
Single-parenting is tough.
Susan glanced at her watch. Seven oclock on Friday night. She wondered if he was still at the office.
I can handle it.
And you think its fair to the kid, bringing him into the world without a father?
I have five brothers, Michael, all of whom live within twenty miles of my home. I dont think heor shewill be lacking male attention.
This is nuts.
I dont think so. It felt right. To be having a baby. To be having Michaels baby. Of course shed prefer to be doing it the traditional way. To be sharing more than just the conception with Michael. But shed be happy.
A baby!
What about your job?
What about it?
Youre still planning to work?
Susan frowned. Of course. And then, Who do you thinks going to support this child?
And you honestly think you can work fourteen hours a day and still be a good parent?
Her arms about her empty stomach, Susan leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. The only reason I still work fourteen-hour days is because I have nothing to come home for. It was the first time shed admitted the truth, even to herself. Im not climbing up anymore, Michael. Im at the top.
There are always higher mountains to climb.
I like the one Im on. She used to, anyway. And she would again. In spite of Tricia Halliday.
I cant be a father, Susan.
Im not asking you to be.
Ice clinked in a glass and she heard him swallow. Hell, he swore softly. I dont even live in the same state.
Which has nothing to do with anything. She wished hed just relax about it. Michael, were divorced. All I want from you is biology.
He swallowed again. You make it sound so simple.
Because it doesnt have to be complicated. Opening her eyes, Susan stood, finished undressing. Im a single woman whos made the decision to have a baby, she told him. Its happening more and more. Single women are even adopting babies. But I really want the full experience, carrying the child, giving birth. All Im asking from you is the missing ingredient I need to get started.
Susan stopped, pulled on a pair of sweatpants. The line was silent. I could ask a total stranger to provide the sperm, she said, exasperated. Would you rather I do that?
Hell, no!
Youre my friend, Michael. Throwing herself down on the bed shed once shared with him, Susan gazed, still topless, at the picture of Michael laughing up at her from the bedside table. My best friend. She had to stop for a second. Catch her breath. Swallow the tears that had suddenly appeared. Who else would I go to when I need a favor? she finished.
No one. He sighed. You were right to come to me.
She couldnt believe how good it felt to hear him say so.
So when do you want to do it? His voice dropped, low and gravelly, sexy.
Covering her naked breasts with her arms, Susan wanted to tell him that this weekend was perfect timing, as far as her cycle was concerned. Whenever its...convenient...for you, she said instead. It felt odd to be discussing it. She and Michael just kind of fell into sexmostly because they couldnt help themselves.
Theyd certainly never planned it before. It was slightly embarrassing. And she was freezing. Scrambling into her sweatshirt, she barely caught his words.
...this weekend...off for the Super Bowl.
Good! She pulled the phone back to her face. This weekends good. Shed already decided to take both days off. While that would mean two full weekends in a row, she needed a little extra distance right now. Needed time to think objectively about the McArthur case. Probably too late to fly in tonight, huh?
Michael laughed and her toes curled. There just wasnt another man like him. She knew. Shed searched frantically during those first few years after the divorce.
Id like to think its my body youre so eager for.
It was. That old thing? Had it last weekend.
Keep it up, woman.
So youll come in the morning?
First flight out. His voice sounded muffled, as though he were already on to the next item on his evenings agenda.
Michael?
Yeah?
Thanks.
SEX. He wasnt going to think about anything but the sex. And sex with Susan was always incredible. He had to admit, as far as favors went, this one was relatively painless.
As long as all he thought about was the sex.
He occupied himself with business during the short flight from Chicago to Cincinnati, mentally reviewing possible candidates for his replacement at Smythe and Westbourne, making a list of the projects and problems his replacement would need to know about.
He still hadnt told Susan about the promotion. He had some irrational feeling that if he was going to get through this episode intact, he had to keep his private life, his own personal self, out of it. Susans request had erected a wall between them that he was afraid to scale. Somehow, he knew that for his own self-preservation he had to keep his distance. Sharing this, the greatest success of his life, with her, the realization of all his goals, made him too vulnerable at a time when he couldnt afford to be vulnerable at all.
Besides, there was a small part of him that was afraid shed be hurt because hed accepted a job that required no familial obligations, even though hed agreed to father her child. And the fear wasnt just born from an aversion to hurting Susan. If she was hurt, that would mean shed been harboring some desire for him to share more than just the conception of her child.
And he couldnt do this for her if he thought, for one second, that shed be asking for more than he had to give.
Staring out the window at the expanse of anonymous farmland passing beneath him, Michael forced his mind back to the loyal staff hed built over the years. Hed pretty much decided on the person he was going to promote, and he looked forward to breaking the news. That thought gave him the balance hed been seeking.
Business was the only thing he felt sure about. The only way he knew how to cope. To shut off the fears and concerns that were nagging at him, the uneasiness he couldnt seem to dissipate with logic.
A man could only think so much about sex without embarrassing himself.
SETHS DARK-BLUE Bronco was parked in front of the condo when Michael pulled up in his rental. Fond as he was of Susans brother, Seth sure as hell could have picked a better time to come visiting.
I heard you were going to be in town, the big blond man greeted him as Michael let himself in. Thought Id stop by and see if you two wanted to take in a movie or something.
Susan, curled up on the couch, raised her brows and grimaced behind her brothers back.
Michael shrugged out of his overcoat and hung it on the brass tree by the front door. Dont think so, buddy, he said. There was no way in hell hed be able to sit through a movie right now.
The new Star Trek movies playing downtown, Seth coaxed.
Exchanging glances with Susan, Michael shook his head. Trekkies though they were, a movie was still a two-hour wait in the dark. It was just released, he told Seth, pulling his keys out his jeans pocket to drop them on the hall table. And its Saturday. The theater ll be full of kids.
Dressed in beige khaki slacks and a black longsleeved fleece shirt that hugged her waist, Susan looked great. And eager. Her eyes were glowing as she shared an intimate glance with him.
How about a game of basketball, then? I can call for a court. Seth picked up the phone and dialed.
I didnt bring gym clothes, Michael said, disconnecting the call. He met and held his friends gaze. Seth, go home.
Theres a new restaurant on the other side of the river Ive been meaning to try, Seth said, still clutching the phone. We could have lunch....
Turning his ex-brother-in-law toward the door, Michael grabbed Seths coat off the rack and handed it to him. Go home.
Seth took his coat, put it on, and turned back, looking from Susan to Michael. I think we should talk about this.
I think Susan began.
Go home, Michael interrupted her, giving Seth a little shove.
Youre sure? Seth asked quietly.
Hell no, he wasnt sure. But Susan was. And hed never be able to live with himself if he forced her to ask another man to do this.
Go home. he said one last time.
Swearing, Seth let himself out, slamming the door.
Michael locked it behind him.
SUSAN STARED at Michaels back. He was still staring at the door hed just locked, almost as though he were thinking about heading out himself.
You want something to eat?
He turned, walking slowly back into the living room, not meeting her eyes. Nah, I had breakfast at the airport.
He slipped his hands into his pockets, stretching the denim of his jeans taut across his fly. Susan couldnt help noticing how attractive he was. Shed never been able to look at Michael without thinking about sex. But today there was more. Today she saw the man who was going to give her his baby.
The thought scared her just a little. What if this changed things? Not her life; of course that was going to change. But what if things between her and Michael werent the same afterward?
We dont have to do this if you dont want to, she blurted suddenly.
His gaze swung to hers, intent, hopeful. Youve changed your mind.
No. Susan shook her head. She needed to be a mother. But it doesnt have to be now, today, she said even as she realized that putting it off wasnt going to make any real difference. It doesnt have to be you.
But she wanted it to be. She couldnt imagine carrying anybodys baby but Michaels.
Are you having doubts?
Looking down, Susan studied the pattern in the tweed fabric of her overstuffed couch. Not about the baby.
Youre having doubts about me?
Shed hurt him. Damn, it was getting messy already and they hadnt even done anything yet.
Could you sit down or something? she asked as he continued to hover over her, the hands in his pockets distracting her. Please?
Michael sat. On the very edge of the couch, knees spread, his elbows on his knees.
Susan couldnt look at him. She hadnt felt this tongue-tied with Michael since before the first time theyd made love. Shed been crazy with wanting him. And a little frightened because of her virginity. Her inexperience. A little frightened that she wouldnt be able to satisfy him. After all, hed had the prettiest girls in college chasing after him.
Shed been a boring little tomboy bookworm.
Not knowing what else to do, shed been honest about her feelings then. And been honest with Michael every day since.
I cant imagine anybody but you as the father of my child. The words, though softly uttered, were filled with the emotions tumbling through her.
She wasnt looking at him, but she felt him flinch.
Im not asking you to be a father, Michael. Id never do that to you. Any more than youd ask me never to be a mother.
Chancing a peek at him, she quickly looked back down at her hands. He was staring straight ahead, the muscles in his jaw working fiercely.
Im fully prepared to raise this child myself. In fact, Im intent on doing so, she assured him. Just as shed been assuring herself for months.
I just want it to be your baby growing inside me. She wasnt doing this very well. I want my son or daughter to be a part of you.
The more she talked to her silent ex-husband, the more her needs became clear to her. She didnt just want a baby by the year 2000. She didnt just want a baby, period. She wanted Michaels baby. Even though she knew that having Michaels baby meant raising the child herself.
What I she said, stopping and then trying again. What I dont She reached across to lace her fingers with his, willing him to meet her eyes, waiting until he did. What I dont want...is to lose you in the process.
He seemed about to say something but didnt.
Youre my best friend, Michael. I dont want that to change.
Slowly, tenderly, he brought his lips to hers. Kissing her softly. In seven years I havent learned to stop caring about you, he said, his lips still brushing hers. I dont think I ever will.
Susan tried to block her mind as she gave herself up to his kiss, but for the first time, she wasnt in a hurry to make love with Michael.
And that frightened her most of all. Things were changing already.
SETH TOOK the corner so hard he felt his outside tires leave the road. How could they be so stupid? The sister whod never made a mistake in her life, as far as Seth was concerned. And his friend, who was exactly like Seth himself. It was as if he didnt know either one of them anymore.
By what right could they bring a new life into the world without the means to nurture it? Children needed parents. Two of them. Full-time.
Rounding another curve, he heard a grinding in his steering column and lightened up on the vehicle. His Bronco didnt deserve this abuse. It was faithful to him. Loyal. There when he needed it. And it never asked more from him than he could give.
Some gas. A wash every month. An occasional new tire. Tune-ups. All stuff that could wait until he happened to be in town.
Seth drove until he calmed. down enough to stay within the speed limit, then slowed even more. He wanted a drink. And hed have one. Maybe, considering that it was Saturday, and the day before the Super Bowl to boot, hed have two. Or three.
Keeping the Bronco out of sight of the field, he slid in behind the big weeping willow across the street and to the west, and put the truck in park. But he didnt turn it off. He wasnt staying. Couldnt. He couldnt risk being seen.
He also couldnt seem to stay away.
Every week that he was in town he tried. And every week he ended up right in this same place. Hed thought that maybe today, in his efforts to prevent his sister from making the biggest mistake of her life, hed be spared this little sojourn.
But even that peace had been denied him.
So here he sat, champing at the bit as he watched Mitchs dad massacre what had promised to be a damn good soccer team. The city league was sponsored by the Y and played all year, no matter what the season, in an effort to keep kids off the streets and in organized activities.
Last year, Seth had been their coach.
Use your head! he yelled. And then, ducking his own head, looked around furtively to see if anyone had heard.
Someday hed learn to keep his big mouth shut. Hed have been a lot better off if hed done that before he volunteered to coach soccer for underprivileged kids. Before hed met Jeremy Sinclair. Or his mother.
Finesse, Jeremy, he muttered fiercely. Keep your eye on the ball and your feet in motion.
The boy watched the ball, but he was practically tripping over his feet in his hurry to get down the field.
Dance, son.
Seth itched to get out of the car. To stand at the side of that field and holler. He noticed Peter Adams sitting on the bench, his lower lip jutting out like he was going to cry. None of the boys were smiling. Wishing he could motivate their butts, Seth swallowed instead.
And saw Jeremy glance over. There was no way the kid could see him. He was too far away, camouflaged by a tree. But it was time to go. He couldnt risk practice ending early. Couldnt risk Jeremy finding him there.
Anyway, he wanted that drink.
CHAPTER FIVE
THE MAN WAS enough to drive her to drink. Two oclock Saturday afternoon and theyd spent barely a moment at home. So, of course, Michael still hadnt made love to her. Hed touched her. Hell, he could hardly keep his hands off her. Yet the second things started to progress, hed find something to talk about.
Without really talking about anything at all.
And Susan thought she was nervous about taking that final, irrevocable step.
This morning, after hed thrown Seth out, hed decided he was hungry, after all. So they went to the new restaurant Seth had recommended for lunch, and a couple of hours disappeared. Then hed asked to see her office on the way back to the condo, giving as his reason the fact that he hadnt been there since shed moved her desk in front of the window.
Eventually, theyd ended up back at the condo. It was either that or go see the Star Trek movie.
Lets make a gingerbread house, Susan said as they pulled in the drive.
What? He looked over at her as though shed lost her mind. Putting her Infiniti in park, he shut off the engine and handed her the keys.
Come on. She grinned at him. Itll be fun. And it would give them something unthreatening to doat home, where there was at least a possibility of babies being made.
You need special candies and stuff to do that, Michael told her as he followed her into the house.
Got them. Shed meant to make a gingerbread house with Spencer and Barbaras five-year-old daughter, Melissa, at Christmastime. Thank goodness shed never mentioned her intentions to Melissa, because she hadnt had a Saturday off in the entire month of December.
Hanging his coat on the rack, Michael reached for hers. Gingerbread houses are for Christmas.
If you promise not to tell Santa, I wont.
Susan. Michael took her in his arms, pulled her against him. Kissed her onceand let her go. A gingerbread house isnt something you finish in an afternoon. They take hours of planning.
Hurt by Michaels unwillingness to make love to her, Susan headed for the kitchen. Then well design a simple one.
Michael had always had artistic flair. His doodles were proof of that. But hed hardly ever stopped working long enough to do more than doodle. Shed like to see him turned loose on a gingerbread house.
Just waiting for the gingerbread to bake and cool takes all day, Michael said, walking into the kitchen.
Weve got all day. Susan was taking ingredients from cupboards, piling them on the kitchen counter. Besides, it wont take that long. We can always pop the pieces in the freezer when they come out of the oven. She had to stand on tiptoe to get the molasses from the cupboard above the stove and Michael was suddenly there, reaching over her, bringing it down.
He brushed his body against hers, then let her go. And told Susan something she desperately needed to know. He wanted her. He was hard as a rock.
But before she could so much as turn in his arms, hed stepped away from her to study the recipe shed put on the counter.
It says you have to chill the dough overnight before you cut it.
So well pop it in the freezer before we bake it, too.
Susan, Im telling you, if you start this now, youll still be at it tomorrow afternoon.
Not with you helping me I wont. She grinned at him to hide her hurt. You want to mix or dump in the ingredients?
Dump. Michael didnt sound any more excited about that than he had about the baby. She hoped he was a little quicker at the dumping or they wouldnt get the house made.
HED BEEN RIGHT, of course. There was no way they were going to finish her damn gingerbread house that day. Theyd been working on it for a couple of hours already and he was still at the designing stage.
But he had to admit the idea had been a good one. He couldnt remember the last time he and Susan had laughed together like this.
You have flour on your nose, he told her, reaching up to brush the dab of white away. His fingers lingered. Hed always loved the softness of her skin, the contrast between it and his rough stubble.
Remember that time we were fooling around in the trees outside my dorm, and Connie Fisher dumped that bag of flour all over us? she asked now, leaning over his shoulder as she surveyed his drawing. Hed been sitting at the table with paper and pencil for the better part of an hour.
She was lucky she was up three flights, he grumbled, remembering all right. Susan had just let him under her shirt for the first time and right before hed had his first real handful of the breasts that had been driving him to distraction all semester, theyd been ambushed.
And shed been donned the rest of the week for missing curfew. Hed had to wait another five days to finally touch her.
Shed been so worth the wait....
I think this is it. He reined in his thoughts, not trusting himself to travel along the road theyd taken. Which was ironic, considering the fact that sex with Susan was his whole reason for being there.
.
.
, (https://www.litres.ru/tara-quinn-taylor/my-babies-and-me-39922034/) .
Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, , , , PayPal, WebMoney, ., QIWI , .
Tara Quinn
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Зарубежные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
Отзывы: Пока нет Добавить отзыв
О книге: By the Year 2000: BABY!What have you resolved to do by the year 2000?Susan Kennedy′s going to have a baby…by the time she turns forty. Which is in the year 2000. It′s something she′s wanted–planned–for the past decade. Now she′s got everything she needs to go ahead. A nice home, a successful career, a loving family. Everything except for a husband.She used to have a husband–Michael Kennedy–and that′s the man she wants for her baby′s father. She only needs Michael′s «biological» contribution, though.But then, when Susan′s pregnant, she discovers two unexpected complications:1. She loves Michael more than ever and wants him to be her husband again–and a father to his child.2. There isn′t goin to be one baby, but two–she′s having twins!