Contract Bride
Contract Bride
Susan Fox
She was a convenient bride…When Reece Waverly became a widower with an infant son to care for, he turned to Leah Gray. They had a strong friendship and he knew she'd make the perfect wife and mother. It was a convenient marriage–only Reece had no idea Leah had been secretly in love with him for years.…Could she become a wife for realLeah convinced herself she could live with this arrangement, for the baby's sake. But after a year she's forced to admit that she'd hoped to become Reece's wife in more than name only. On the verge of leaving, Leah is stunned when Reece declares it's time he claimed her as his bride for real!
The moment Reece’s big hand eased down to warmly cover hers, Leah jumped.
“I reckon I’ve left off touching you for so long that you’re bound to jump when I do it now,” Reece said.
“I’m probably just…tired,” she choked out.
She was about to turn away when he caught her elbow. He turned her fully toward him and lifted his free hand. “You have beautiful hair,” he said gruffly. “I never knew it would be this soft.” He gently gripped her head to tilt it back.
Leah was dimly aware that she tried to speak. “Don’t…please.”
“How are you gonna stop me?”
She couldn’t think of an effective way to answer him. She wasn’t sure she wanted to. The cool touch of his firm mouth on hers made her draw in a quick breath. As his mouth became a little more aggressive, her insides melted.
“We’re done living like roommates,” he growled. “Husbands and wives share a bed.”
To have and to hold…
Their marriage was meant to last— and they have the gold rings to prove it!
To love and to cherish…
But what happens when their promise to love, honor and cherish is put to the test?
From this day forward…
Emotions run high as husbands and wives discover how precious—and fragile—their wedding vows are…. Will true love keep them together—forever?
Marriages meant to last!
Contract Bride
Susan Fox
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
CONTENTS
PROLOGUE (#u9563046a-ab34-5511-b14a-3c9d91b0874e)
CHAPTER ONE (#ubee7ef64-a1ea-5c3f-b014-11bd6467261d)
CHAPTER TWO (#u7bd0e212-dbb0-53b0-90ac-2498de4af6d0)
CHAPTER THREE (#u49700602-625b-56db-b27a-759c1fb9cf1d)
CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
PROLOGUE
THEY married that morning in front of a judge at the county courthouse. Because the brief ceremony wasn’t so much a celebration as it was a legal technicality, their witnesses were a couple of law clerks the judge had called into his chambers at the last moment.
His Honor didn’t comment on the somber stillness of the bride and groom, though he took several moments to study and remark upon the handsome infant boy wrapped snugly in a light blanket, who slumbered peacefully in his father’s arms.
The judge had heard gossip about the couple before him. The groom had been widowed nearly four months ago when his wife had suddenly died a handful of days after the baby’s birth. The bride had been his dead wife’s best friend.
No doubt some, when they heard about this, would consider the hasty marriage a small scandal. Maybe it was, but His Honor was inclined to go easy on them. He knew Reece Waverly socially and by reputation. Leah Gray had graduated high school in the area and sometimes taught Sunday School.
The judge could tell at a glance that this was no love match, and that made him hesitate to perform the legalities. Reece’s stern face held the haunted traces of a man who’d been poleaxed by tragedy; his bride’s face was pale and she had a faintly heartsick look about her. If either of them had consulted him about this ahead of time, he would have strongly advised them against taking such a drastic step so soon.
But since both were legal adults competent to make agreements and bear responsibility for them, he summoned the impartiality of his status as a judicial official and led the couple through the formalities.
CHAPTER ONE
LEAH WAVERLY entered the den, relieved to see that her husband of eleven months was standing at the patio door instead of working at his desk. With one hand braced on the door frame and the fingers of the other wedged in his front jeans’ pocket, Reece stared out broodingly at the lengthening shadows on the patio out back.
She knew he’d heard her nearly silent tread on the carpet because she’d seen the subtle ripple of tension in his wide shoulders. Yes, he’d been tense around her lately, but she’d also caught a hint of restlessness and what could only be dissatisfaction. Had he recovered enough from Rachel’s death to take a good long look at what they’d done?
The question had eaten at her for weeks and she could no longer bear her dread of the answer. Better to get it into the open, better to know for sure…
However carefully she worded this, Leah already knew that her husband’s response would never be the one she’d hoped for. Reece had buried his heart when he’d buried Rachel, and whatever heart he’d had left, he’d dedicated solely to his young son. There was nothing left for the plain woman he’d so suddenly married, and as the months had stretched on, Leah had become more certain of that by the day.
She knew Reece well enough to be sure he’d never ask for a divorce. Because he wouldn’t, it was up to her to offer it. She was certain he’d be relieved, and once she assured him she was willing to work out a peaceful arrangement to share custody of little Bobby, he’d be grateful to be able to get on with his life.
Though she’d known from the beginning this time would come, she’d had the foolish hope that Reece might develop some kind of affection for her. Male/ female friendships often deepened into love. Maybe not the intensely passionate kind that he’d shared with Rachel, but certainly the low-key, mutually caring kind.
And yet as time had gone on, Leah had been forced to realize there was simply nothing between them. There’d not been a single word of personal caring, never so much as a passing glance to misinterpret. She was certain now there never would be. She’d finally reached the conclusion that she loved Reece enough to want to see him happy again, even if his happiness would never be with her.
What she regretted with all her heart was that Bobby would grow up being shuttled back and forth between a father and adoptive mother who’d made such a foolish bargain. Though Reece had married her to protect the boy if something should unexpectedly happen to him as it had to Rachel, in hindsight it was obvious to Leah—and probably to Reece by now—that it would have been more prudent to wait.
But a man who’d been devastated by the sudden death of the woman he’d been wildly in love with, trusted more in cruel tragedies that struck out of the blue than he did in the more mundane and temporary events in life, at least for a time.
The fact that Leah had essentially taken advantage of Reece’s worries for her own selfish reasons was something she’d probably never forgive herself for. That’s why she had to do this for him. She wasn’t certain how much longer she could live with him anyway, because the heart-numbing distance between them was already too painful.
When Reece lowered his hand from the door frame and turned, Leah felt again the heavy ache of longing and love she’d secretly been tortured by for years.
Reece Waverly was a big man, over six foot tall with wide shoulders, muscle-thick arms and long, powerful legs. He’d showered before supper, and the clean jeans and white shirt he wore were still crisp. Perpetually somber and taciturn, his tanned, weather-creased skin made him look rugged and harsh. His bluntly masculine face was made even more dramatic by his dark eyes, black eyebrows, and the formidable set of his strong jaw. The thin slash of his lips carried a hint of ruthlessness Leah had never seen evidence of.
And yet the look of him now was worlds different in every way from the man he’d been when Rachel had been alive. He’d been a softer, less intimidating man, more given to smiles and teasing glances. He’d been more open, more apt to speak since he was a well-read, thinking man who enjoyed being sociable. He’d had a sense of humor and a masculine charm that was irresistible.
But Reece had been on top of the world then, completely in love with Rachel, and looking forward to the birth of their first child.
Leah so missed the man Reece had been—the man she’d felt such guilt for loving—almost as much as she missed Rachel.
A fresh wisp of heartache went through her, and she almost lost her nerve. She had to force herself to make a start.
“Is it still convenient for a talk?”
The dark eyes that had regarded her almost blindly for months were suddenly sharp on her face, and she felt the pressure of that sharpness as they examined every soft feature. But then his gaze met hers and she felt the probe of it go so deep that she got the alarming sense that he’d read her thoughts.
And maybe he had, because his somber expression appeared to harden.
“You don’t ever need an appointment, Leah. I told you that earlier.”
Leah brought her hands together primly at her waist, not really surprised that they were trembling. “You did,” she said gently, “but you looked deep in thought.”
His gaze narrowed the slightest bit. It was clear that he was alert to something in her face and in the way she held herself. Since she was stiff with tension and couldn’t stop the faint tremors of dread that passed through her in waves, it was no wonder he was taking a closer look.
His gruff, “Go ahead and have a seat,” was a relief, since she’d feel steadier sitting. Leah chose one of the wing chairs on his side of the room, and noted that he stayed standing where he was, his back to the patio doors and the rapidly darkening twilight.
As always, he kept himself remote from her. As always, she was careful not to trespass. Leah sank down and rested her elbows on the chair arms then laced her fingers together to let them dangle over her lap. She tried to collect her thoughts, but it was supremely hard to do.
Oh God, if she thought there could ever be a chance for Reece to care for her, she wouldn’t do this. But the utter deadness between them was proof enough that Reece would never feel anything for her. Leah made herself begin with something mild.
“You haven’t given your answer yet about going to Donovan Ranch for the barbecue next Saturday, so I thought I’d tell you that whatever you choose to do, I’ve decided to go.”
Leah saw a glimmer of something shoot through Reece’s gaze, and though wary of it, she managed to keep her voice casual and even.
“I’ve made arrangements for someone to take care of Bobby. Unless you’d like to have a day and an evening alone with him.”
Leah finished with, “If you decide to go, we could either use the sitter or take Bobby with us. There’ll be other children there, so he’d enjoy that.”
“When did you decide this?” The near growl in his low voice gave the clear impression of disapproval.
In all these months, Reece had never once questioned her judgment. He’d often asked her about decisions she’d made regarding the boy, but only to inform himself. He’d never remarked at all on decisions she’d made about her personal activities, so this was unusual.
She nervously tightened her fingers and spoke, careful to make her tone practical rather than critical. “When I reminded you about it last week, you didn’t seem interested.”
A breathless anxiety made a sweeping pass through her insides, and she took another small step toward the subject she meant to open.
“Since you and I aren’t…in the habit of doing things together, I didn’t think you’d mind if I decided to go. As I said, I’ve made arrangements for Bobby that you can control however you like, whatever you decide to do about Saturday.”
Reece’s somber expression had gone stony and Leah felt uneasy. She’d irritated him, but couldn’t for the life of her imagine why. Though Reece’s temper was legendary, he’d never given a single hint of turning it on her or his son. Informing him that she was going to a neighbor’s barbecue seemed too small a thing to provoke him.
And yet the strained silence hung between them and built. It helped a little to keep in mind that Reece was a good man and a fair one, who was as naturally decent as the day was long. She had nothing to fear from a man like him, no matter his temper. She couldn’t have agreed to their bargain, much less adored him for years, if she hadn’t known those things as absolute facts.
The real danger was that he’d somehow find out how much she loved him, and then either reject her feelings outright, or worse, pity her for having them.
“You haven’t got much out of our deal, have you?”
Reece’s question was jarringly direct and a signal that he might have guessed the real reason she’d wanted this talk. The growl in his voice had softened, though his stony expression hadn’t.
Leah sensed something, perhaps regret, perhaps guilt, but she automatically discounted that impression and considered it nothing more than wishful thinking. A longing heart would always see a banquet in a table crumb. Pride roared up to keep her from revealing even a hint of her true feelings.
“I’ve gotten exactly what I bargained to get,” she told him, then made her stiff lips relax a little into a smile. “And I have Bobby. Being able to love and raise him is more than enough.”
Leah tried not to blink at the half-lie in that last part. Though at twenty-four she’d never had more than a hasty kiss on the mouth once by a boy who’d done it to embarrass her, she had the same female longing for affection and intimate tenderness as any other woman, in spite of her inexperience.
“So you’re satisfied with the way it’s been.” Reece’s gravelly words were not a question, but a statement.
Leah caught the cynical gleam in his dark eyes and didn’t understand it. Or why he’d even think to remark on whether she’d been satisfied or not by the way things between them had gone.
The past eleven months had revolved around the boy, the ranch and the polite day-to-day cooperation between a stay at home wife who cared for a house and child, and a rancher who spent hours a day working outdoors or doing paperwork in the den. The emotional sterility between the two of them had been so heart-numbing that Leah often wondered if they were even friends.
“I’m…satisfied we’ve both done what we agreed to do.” Leah cringed inwardly at the small hesitation, but it was hard to face the relentlessness she suddenly sensed in Reece.
It was even harder to maintain eye contact with the dark eyes that seemed to flicker with perception when she was trying so hard to hide the truth, at least the most dangerous truth: her real feelings.
“I remember we talked about more than just protecting the boy when we started this,” he said then.
The reminder completely threw her. She recalled Reece’s remarks on that subject with distressing clarity. It had been in this very room at almost the same time of day that he’d made them.
It was the only time either of them had so much as hinted at the possibly of having other children. Or of personal needs, having sex in particular.
“I reckon sex will be part of this deal, since it’s a marriage,” he’d said, and it hurt to remember the bleak, almost grim look in his eyes, as if he was resigned to the task only because he saw it as a marital obligation.
“Won’t be likely for a time,” he’d gone on, glancing away from her before he’d added, “but we’ve both got needs.”
His low voice had trailed off and she’d got the impression that the thought of sex with any woman but Rachel was not only vaguely distasteful to him, but that he also couldn’t imagine that sex would ever again be something more than a biological function, perhaps to have more children, but mainly as a physical release.
At least he’d not insulted her obvious lack of desirability by rejecting the possibility of ever having sex with her. And because he’d also let her know that he was willing to have other children with her if she wanted them, he apparently hadn’t considered her an unworthy recipient of his seed.
Of course, eleven months had gone by and if Reece had ever had a “need”, she’d never known about it. Which only confirmed the idea that Reece felt so little for her that he didn’t think of her in terms of sex.
Reece’s gruff voice brought her back to the present. “You remember that, don’t you?”
His dark gaze shifted downward to flash quickly over her body. So quickly it seemed almost mechanical. As if it was expected that a man who’d brought up the subject of sex might at least make a cursory inspection to familiarize himself with the physical attributes of the woman he’d suggested it to.
Leah felt her cheeks go abnormally hot with a mix of feminine shame and very feminine indignation. Without so much as a single nonaccidental touch between them in all these months, and no hint of personal affection from Reece, sex was the last thing she’d consider. Particularly when the look he’d just given her had been so clearly obligatory. Not even she was so hungry for love that she’d allow herself to be so coldly used.
“I think we’ve moved past the point where the things we talked about that night might have made sense,” she said stiffly, just managing not to give in to the fiery hurt she’d sustained. “I think you’ve realized that too.”
Her heart was pounding so hard that she felt a little dizzy. Her refusal had set off sparks in Reece’s dark gaze and she felt a corresponding nettle of resentment. It took so, so much to keep her voice even and her words reasonable.
“Neither of us was thinking straight after Rachel died,” she told him. “Now that we’ve had these months to put things into a more moderate perspective, I think we both have doubts about going on together.”
There. She’d got it said and the world hadn’t come to an end. The minor softening of Reece’s stony expression had vanished, but he was still silent. She tried not to fidget while his dark eyes bore into hers like twin drills.
There was something in the way he stared over at her that compelled her to go on, something that suggested he needed to hear more to be convinced. Leah made a try at doing just that.
“As I said, we made the decision to marry at a time when we weren’t quite ourselves,” she said calmly, careful to keep her tone mild, though she couldn’t keep the tremor out of it. “Lately you’ve seemed…unhappy. In a different way than before, so I…thought it was time to discuss what might need to change, even though the change that probably seems most sensible is divorce.”
The booming silence that followed was as much a sudden assault on the room as a thunderclap would have been. It had impacted with such power that it was difficult, even in the aftermath, to decide if an actual clap of thunder had sounded around them, or if it had truly been a silent shockwave.
But maybe it had been an actual thunderclap, because the storm was suddenly visible in Reece’s harsh face. His dark eyes snapped with angry surprise, and the ruthless line of his mouth now seemed more promise than vague threat.
“Are you asking for a divorce?”
The blunt question wasn’t unexpected, but his gravelly tone of voice carried a steeliness that warned how rigidly he controlled himself. Leah felt her heart skip faster, and forced herself to shake her head.
“There’s a difference between asking for a divorce and offering one.”
The moment the words were out of her mouth she wondered why she’d put it that way. She should have simply answered “yes”. The huge tide of hurt and unhappiness that rose up added to her alarm and she mentally scrambled to show none of it.
Oh, God, don’t let him see, don’t ever let him find out…
“I’ve made the offer,” she said coolly, so relieved that her tone was calm and practical that she blundered into undermining her purpose even more. “What you do with it is up to you.”
She’d somehow stood to her feet without being fully aware of it until she felt the back of her knees brush the front of the chair. But whether her body had taken action to help her assert herself or to flee, she didn’t know. At least she could see that her more temperate answer to Reece’s question had gotten her message across just as clearly as a more definitive one.
Reece’s weather-tanned face was like a granite monolith. A ruddy flush she recognized as fury had crept into his lean cheeks, but she knew by his iron silence that he wouldn’t inflict it on her.
“I’ll look in on Bobby before I go to bed. Goodnight.”
Leah turned and moved around the chair to walk as normally as possible to the door then into the hall. Her knees were rubbery and her legs felt heavy and weak, but she managed to make a dignified exit.
She’d got the job done and except for that part near the end, she’d managed it fairly well. Though she might have delivered it all a bit less stiffly, she’d survived and Reece hadn’t guessed anything of her real feelings about either the divorce or him.
The need to spend time with Bobby was overwhelming, so she hurried down the hall to the bedroom end of the large, single-story ranch house. The child’s room was next to the master bedroom, and both rooms were linked by a connecting door.
Leah had never shared the master bedroom with Reece, much less shared his bed. He hadn’t offered and she’d certainly never asked. Given her pick of bedrooms, she’d chosen the one on the other side of Bobby’s. Reece had noted her choice and for her convenience, he’d had another connecting door put in the shared wall between her room and the baby’s.
As Leah slipped silently into Bobby’s room, the arrangement struck her as even more telling. At first, it had been understandable that she and Reece wouldn’t share a room or a bed, and she’d completely agreed. Rachel’s death had been too fresh and agonizing for them both, and it was scandalous enough that they’d married so soon after.
But as the months had gone by without so much as a hint of real closeness between them, Leah had reminded herself that she couldn’t reasonably expect more. Except for the baby, there was nothing between them but a marriage certificate and the same last name.
Reece had bargained for a woman to help raise his son and he’d wanted to settle a life that had been shattered by death and shock and upheaval. He’d also been determined to prevent his son from ever being raised and exploited by his maternal grandparents, if something should happen to him.
Leah had been a means to get an adoptive mother he trusted for his infant son and to keep his home life in order. He’d meant for Leah to be a fail-safe protection for Bobby if he was no longer around. He apparently hadn’t been thinking much about the wife he’d have to live with to get all that. And after what she’d sensed in him these past weeks, he’d surely awakened to the fact that having a wife had created almost as many problems for him as getting one had solved.
Bobby’s room was dimly lit, thanks to the ceramic puppy lamp she always left on. The house was so quiet that she could hear the child’s soft baby breaths almost from the moment she walked into the room.
She crossed to the baby bed and looked down blurrily into the sweet face of the sleeping child. His dark silky hair lay in charming disarray, and his long, black lashes fanned out thickly on chubby, sleep-flushed cheeks.
Leah put out a hand to tenderly touch his open fingers, marveling at his beauty, her heart breaking with love. She couldn’t love this baby more if she’d given birth to him herself. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for him. Not even the love she felt for Reece was as powerful as the love she felt for this dark-haired cherub.
Eventually, she eased the light blanket higher on his chest and turned to go to her room. She left the door between her room and his partway open, as always, so she could hear in case he woke up during the night.
As Leah began to get ready for bed a dozen doubts about her talk with Reece began to pick at her sense of accomplishment, but the important thing was that she’d got the subject into the open.
As a successful rancher and businessman, Reece was comfortable making decisions, and he’d learned better than most how to quickly determine and evaluate all the facts of a situation, and then to identify his options. His decision to marry her was probably the only truly bad decision of his adult life. And that had only happened because he’d been blinded by grief over Rachel and worry about his infant son’s future.
Deciding to divorce her wouldn’t require much thought. For Reece, it wouldn’t be a “yes” or “no” answer as much as it would be a “how soon?” one. He’d probably reached his decision before she’d gotten a handful of steps down the hall from the den.
Her obligation had been to put the subject before him and to signal her permission and approval. He’d probably confirm his decision to divorce her first thing in the morning at breakfast. After that, the only wrangling there’d ever be between them—over Bobby—would begin.
And even that was nothing to lie awake and fret about. Leah had been the baby’s main caregiver, and she’d naturally be responsible for the majority of his care, at least while he was so young. The rest they could work out as Bobby got older.
She had no fear that Reece would somehow banish her from Bobby’s life, particularly since part of protecting Bobby had meant that Leah had had to adopt him. She had as many parental rights as Reece did, and since they were both mindful of Bobby’s best interests, they would both play major parts in the boy’s life whether they stayed married or not.
As she lay in the dark, her sense of accomplishment and relief slowly gave way to a heavy heart. What she’d done tonight had virtually sealed the death of her fondest, most impossible dream. Though it had taken a secretly agonizing eleven months to finally kill it, what she’d done by offering Reece a divorce was to acknowledge that the dream of openly loving him and being loved by him was well and truly lost.
And it was only right that she would never see that dream fulfilled. She’d fallen in love with Reece years ago, long before he’d ever dated her best friend, but she hadn’t been able to stop loving him, not even when he’d married Rachel. She’d suffered tremendous guilt over that, but never enough to overcome her feelings.
Then she’d compounded the wrong of being in love with a married man by grabbing the chance to marry him after he’d been widowed, at perhaps the only time in his life that he’d ever been vulnerable. The guilt and heartache she’d suffered and might continue to suffer over her selfish feelings for her best friend’s husband, were fitting punishments that she accepted.
At least Rachel had never suspected. Hopefully Reece would never find out, either.
Leah turned onto her side and stared into the dark for a long time. She must have dropped off to sleep sometime before it got too late, because she never heard Reece’s bootsteps as she usually did when he passed her room on the way to his own.
CHAPTER TWO
REECE’S first impulse had been to go after Leah and drag her back to the den to have it out. His second had been to walk over to the liquor cabinet and pour himself a double Scotch. Once he’d done the latter, he tossed it back like a man on fire trying to douse the flames.
But the conflagration of anger and surprise and guilt wasn’t so easily put out. The hell of it was, he was overdue to have his meek wife stand up to him. Though she’d used softly polite, tactful words, she’d nonetheless given him a sound thrashing and called him to account.
Leah Gray Waverly had turned out to be the perfect mother, calm and competent, as loving as she was gently patient and wise with the boy. She made certain Bobby saw him in the morning before he left the house, she timed the baby’s schedule to his to maximize their time together, and she arranged nightly for him to spend time alone with his son.
She’d also been the ideal wife. After his housekeeper had retired just after their sudden marriage, Leah had cooked his meals, washed his clothes, and single-handedly kept his large, six-bedroom house virtually dust free in the middle of a ranch headquarters where dust hung in the air around the clock. In between all that, she ran his errands, took his phone calls when he was out, and generally made his home life an aggravation-free island of pleasantness and serenity.
But whatever he’d thought about Leah’s quiet temperament, what she’d done just now reminded him that the lady had a backbone. Tonight she’d shown a steely pride that was no less formidable than his own.
As Reece poured himself another drink, he did so more thoughtfully this time. He hadn’t meant to be so indifferent to her, he hadn’t meant to take everything she’d done for him and give her nothing personal in return.
He’d given her his son, the most precious person in his life, but what woman who thought anything of herself would have been content to love and help raise her best friend’s child and put up with being an unpaid servant to a husband who, as far as she’d be able to tell, hadn’t appreciated any of it?
For weeks his conscience had been dogged by the things he’d neglected with Leah. He’d put her name on his bank accounts, but she’d never spent so much as a dollar of his money on herself. He had yet to take her out to a nice restaurant or a social function. The only time he’d attended church with her had been on the Sunday she’d had Bobby dedicated. Hell, he hadn’t even remembered her birthday until four months after it had passed.
After being married to a near hermit for the past eleven months, it was no wonder she’d informed him that she meant to go to the barbecue, with or without him.
Rachel had told him things about Leah that he hadn’t thought about for years. About her nomadic childhood, the many abandonments by both her father and mother, her eventual ordeal in a series of foster homes. According to Rachel, Leah’s biggest dream had been to someday have a family and a home.
She had a legal son in Bobby and she lived in one of the finest homes in the area. But his preoccupation with Rachel’s loss had cheated her out of the complete family she must have wanted and had probably left her feeling like a slave instead of a marriage partner. Hence her solemn little bombshell tonight.
Yet he felt nothing for her aside from gratitude—gratitude and guilt. The turmoil of that had nettled him for weeks, but he couldn’t seem to help that gratitude and guilt were the only things Leah stirred in him.
Losing Rachel had left him empty. Any woman who wasn’t her was merely female. No one to wonder about, and certainly no one to get excited about. His hormones had come back to life, his lust still fired over the usual sights and thoughts, he still had powerful male urges that craved satisfaction, but the mysterious allure of tenderness and sweet feelings were gone as completely as Rachel.
In his mind and heart, love and sex were associated exclusively with luxurious red hair, freckle-flecked satin skin and exotic emerald eyes that sparkled with passion and a zest for life.
Suddenly the memories were white hot, and he relived the phantom feeling of Rachel’s lush body pressed against his. His palms ached to slide over her soft skin to tenderly cup and caress, and his fingers tingled with the unforgettable sensation of what it had felt like to lavish pleasure on her.
Pain and bitterness welled up at the torment, and Reece forced the powerful memories to stop. He determinedly fixed his thoughts on the living woman—the wife—he was obligated to crave.
But desire didn’t rise very high over long sable hair that was usually pinned up or worn in a French braid; it didn’t crave the touch and warm feel of lightly tanned almost dusky skin. Eyes that were a deep, quiet blue didn’t suggest anything more enticing or arousing for him than somber mysteries and unhappiness, and his heart was already weighted down by those.
Try as he might, he couldn’t picture Leah’s pretty eyes going slumberous with lust, and he couldn’t imagine her losing her very rigid self-control to clutch at him in the high heat of sexual intimacy. It was as unthinkable of Leah as it would have been of an elderly maiden aunt.
The harsh bite of guilt he felt for the unfair comparison made him finish the second Scotch in another punishing rush.
He didn’t want Bobby to be hurt, and divorce would do a masterful job of hurting the boy. Surely his lack of sexual interest in Leah was a remnant of Rachel’s loss. That and the fact that he’d barely paid attention to her as a potential lover, and he’d never been curious enough to find out what she might really be like when she wasn’t being a mommy or teaching Sunday School.
Rachel and Leah had been closer than sisters. So close that he knew Rachel wouldn’t think much of him for cheating Leah out of a loving home. Particularly when Leah had given up her chance of finding a man whose heart could be all hers so she could come to the aid of her best friend’s husband and infant son.
Feeling gut sick over what Leah had sacrificed and how poorly he’d repaid her, Reece set the tumbler down with a soft thud then made himself walk over to his desk. He picked up the silver-framed photo of Rachel and turned it to study her face.
The flatness of the image impacted him. He tilted the frame slightly, as if to get a better look at the thickness of it, but the photo paper behind the glass suddenly looked as thin and unsubstantial as any other photograph.
For the first time Reece felt detached from the color image, and his heart grabbed futilely to recapture the sense of connection. It was as if he’d known this achingly beautiful woman a long time ago, too long ago, and something in him flinched with surprise at the feeling of distance. It had only been fifteen months since the wreck, and yet it suddenly felt like another lifetime, one that had belonged to some other Reece Waverly.
In the space of mere moments, the memory of Rachel had gone from white hot and all but tangible to something more like a dimly remembered dream.
Which reminded him of the worst part of these past weeks. Rachel had been fading from his mind. A little here, a little there, he was starting to forget the things he’d been convinced were burned on his heart forever. Except for the soul rocking flashes of sudden memory, the everyday details of how Rachel had moved, how she’d smiled—even how she’d touched and taken care of their son that handful of days—had begin to cloud over until he could only rarely summon them at will.
Would her memory fade completely away? Was he man enough to face the bleakness of that second loss if she did? The loneliness he already felt was brutal.
Reece stood there for several minutes more, wondering if he was drunk, wondering whether these strange feelings and impressions meant anything, but eventually realizing how weary he was. What he did next wasn’t so much a decision as it was a necessity.
He didn’t want to ever look at a picture of Rachel and feel this disconnected from her. The clarity of the photo was a reminder that the living image in his brain seemed to be growing more fuzzy and indistinct. Better to never see it again than to feel so eerily detached from both the woman and the life they’d had together.
Once he’d switched off the desk lamp, Reece turned and carried the framed picture to the bedroom end of the dark ranch house. He didn’t need a light to walk through the big house he’d lived in since birth. He went into the first guest bedroom he came to, and moved across the carpet to the dresser by memory. He fumbled for a drawer catch and opened the drawer just enough to put the picture inside.
It was best to ignore the hollow rattle of the silver frame against the wood bottom of the empty drawer as he pushed it closed. Nevertheless he hesitated, as if he might think of a rational reason to change his mind and put the picture back on his desk. Eventually, he left the drawer closed and walked out of the room and into the hall.
The soft glow of the light Leah always left on in Bobby’s room spilled into the hall and drew him, particularly tonight, though it was his usual habit to look in on the child.
Bobby was sleeping peacefully, so he lingered a bit before he backed a step away from the bed then paused to glance toward the partially open door between the baby’s room and Leah’s. It was too dark in her room to see more than a wedge of carpet, though from this angle he hadn’t expected to be able to actually catch a glimpse of her.
The mental picture of what she might look like asleep and his quick curiosity about what she wore to bed came so suddenly that he felt a new kind of jolt. He’d never had a single thought about Leah’s preferences or private habits, so this was a new thing.
But then again, he’d either had just enough booze to inspire a faint spark of curiosity about Leah because he’d been trying to summon some kind of desire for her, or he was drunk enough to have lost a few inhibitions so that the idea of sex without love wasn’t such an empty one.
Either way, he couldn’t take the small spark seriously. It would surely be gone by morning, smothered out by the cold reality of another day.
Reece heard Leah’s soft laugh just before he reached the kitchen that next morning.
“No, no, let’s not put the toast in your cup. It goes in your mouth, silly boy.”
Leah was never late putting a hot breakfast on the table. She might have been up half the night with Bobby or had to deal with the boy waking up earlier than normal, but somehow she handled every complication so competently that Reece could have set his watch by her.
Bobby had awakened early, probably with his usual soaked diaper that required a quick bath, but when Reece stepped into the kitchen his son was clean and dressed and sitting in his high chair with a bib on. He was gnawing on a piece of toast as Leah finished putting food on the table.
Reece felt a nettle of guilt and an equally sharp nettle of resentment. He already owed Leah more than he could repay, yet she just went on being perfect. Relentlessly perfect. Her perfection was a silent indictment of his notable lack of perfection where being a husband was concerned. The mild headache he’d woke up with began to pound.
“Daddeee!”
Bobby’s excitement to see him gave Reece a rush of pleasure and love that somehow soothed the rawness he felt.
The baby had his dark coloring, though Bobby’s features, particularly his green eyes and the way he set his mouth, fairly shouted testimony that he was Rachel’s son. The tender pride Reece felt in the boy might have added to the volatile churn of emotion that was still riding him from last night, but his relief to not only see but also identify the ways Bobby resembled his late mother slowed some of the churn.
Reece crossed to where the high chair sat between his place at the head of the table and Leah’s to his right. He ruffled Bobby’s dark hair before bending to give him a kiss on the forehead.
“Good morning,” Leah said quietly.
“Morning.”
Reece sat down just after Leah did, then automatically took hold of Bobby’s hand as Leah briefly said grace.
Quick and soft, the small prayer was another unintended reminder that Leah was a wonderful mother to his son. No detail of the child’s upbringing was being overlooked by her, while Reece himself had failed to provide him with something as elemental and necessary to a happy childhood as having a daddy and mama who loved each other.
The boy needed to grow up seeing a normal and settled relationship between his parents. How long would it be before he was old enough to note the significance of having a mama and daddy who never touched, who never embraced, and who didn’t even sleep in the same bed? His mood going darker, Reece took the meat plate Leah passed to him and silently served himself.
Leah was so tense that she felt awkward and self-conscious. Should she ask Reece what he’d decided or wait for him to tell her? Now that the big moment was almost here, she realized even more sharply how difficult it would be to actually hear that he would take her up on her offer to divorce.
Be careful what you ask for. How fitting that of all the things she’d asked for in her life and hadn’t gotten, she would actually get the one thing that would hurt the most.
She put Bobby’s plate on his tray and gave him his fork. The thought of what a divorce would mean to this happy child made it nearly impossible to look him full in the face.
“Do you have special plans for today?” Reece asked, and Leah felt her nerves jump. She managed to glance his way briefly, but not to actually make eye contact before she focused on filling her own plate.
“I thought I might go to San Antonio to find something new for Saturday. It could wait till tomorrow if you have something you need done today.”
“Wouldn’t mind ridin’ along,” he said, his low voice oddly gruff. “What time?”
The information was a surprise, but then Leah realized that Reece might have planned for them to consult with their lawyer as soon as possible. Or rather, he would consult with his lawyer while she found one to represent her.
“I’d planned to leave you a cold lunch and start midmorning, but we could go anytime. Just so I have an hour or so to shop.”
At this point, there was no sense in dancing around the subject that had to be dominating his thoughts as strongly as it was hers. And if she had to find a lawyer, she might as well know it now so she could check the Yellow Pages before they set out.
“So you’ve made your decision?” Leah asked, then made the mistake of taking a bite of fluffy eggs before she realized she probably wouldn’t be able to swallow them past the huge lump of dread in her throat.
The charged silence that followed her question increased her self-consciousness. She reached for her coffee cup to try to wash down the eggs.
Reece didn’t answer right away, and his silence felt ominous. She set down her coffee cup and glanced at him the tiniest second to find her gaze trapped by the laser intensity of his. As if he’d been waiting for her full attention, he gave her his answer.
“I won’t tell my boy that I divorced his mama because I couldn’t live up to my end of a commitment. There’ll be no divorce.”
The growling words were a complete and utter shock. If she hadn’t been sitting, her knees would have given out. In the next second she experienced such a stab of panic that it was all she could do to not jump up and flee.
Reece’s grim expression was intimidating, and she weathered another wave of panic. The only thing worse than divorce would be for Reece to tough it out and stay married to her. But how long would it be before he regretted—and then bitterly resented—giving up the chance to divorce her early on so he’d be free to find a woman more compatible with his idea of marital satisfaction?
Or would Reece make an effort for a while, but then realize he simply couldn’t tolerate going through the motions with a woman he couldn’t truly care for? By then, either her hope would be soaring at an all-time high only to be cruelly disappointed, or she’d suffer through all his efforts knowing every moment that it was only because of his iron-willed determination that he stuck it out with her.
Worst of all, how long before Bobby would be old enough to realize his parents didn’t love each other? And when he figured out the depth of the personal sacrifice Reece had made for his sake, would he feel gratitude or would he feel guilt? Would he blame Leah for his father’s unhappiness? Or would he figure out what Reece seemed oblivious to so far: that Leah had taken advantage of his father at a vulnerable time?
There was literally no way for the three of them to be happy for any length of time, if ever, under any of those circumstances. Because Leah believed so absolutely that Reece would never come to love her, she ignored that possibility altogether. And without even the possibility of love, could there ever be anything certain ahead except a new level of misery for them all?
Leah’s gaze shifted from Reece’s. She knew she must have telegraphed her distress to Reece when he spoke.
“Wasn’t that the answer you wanted to hear?”
Leah dropped her hand to her lap and gripped her napkin. She felt sick suddenly, so any further attempt to eat would be futile. She tried to come up with the right thing to say.
“You’re a very good man, Reece. And an honorable one.” She made herself look over at him so he could see that she meant those words completely. The hard glitter in his dark eyes didn’t make it easy to go on. “I think you’ll work very hard to make something of this marriage. I should have expected you to react this way…” She let her voice trail off the moment she saw the spark of temper as he sensed what she would say next. She went determinedly on.
“But I’m certain once you’ve truly had time to consider it, you’ll see things the other way.” She gripped her hands together in her lap as she struggled to present a neutral expression. “I won’t hold you to anything but shared custody of Bobby when the time comes.”
Reece’s face went flinty. “Bobby stays on Waverly Ranch, under this roof where he belongs.”
It was a declaration of war. Leah knew it and went cold. Though she should have expected this too, it was chilling to hear Reece bluntly state it. Now they’d not only be emotionally and physically aloof from each other, they’d be adversaries, which made the precarious situation between them even more perilous and destined to end badly.
Leah lifted her napkin to the table and calmly eased back her chair to stand. She couldn’t keep her composure and stay in the room another moment, but she couldn’t allow Reece to get away with his declaration. He’d run over her from here on if she didn’t.
“I won’t take offense this time, Reece,” she managed shakily. She wouldn’t remind him of their legal agreement regarding custody of Bobby, but she’d use it if she had to. It was just more prudent to stand up to him without it. This time. “But if you mean to persuade me that this marriage has a chance, declarations like that aren’t very convincing.”
Leah maintained eye contact with him, though his dark gaze was fiery now. She eased to the side to push her chair closer to the table.
“You didn’t finish your food,” he growled, and she got the impression that he might have preferred to simply order her to sit down, but was wary of how she’d take that. It was a relief to have fresh proof that he wouldn’t bully or boss her, no matter how angry he was.
“I probably nibbled too much while I was cooking and spoiled my appetite,” she said quietly. The gleam of perception in his gaze told her he knew she’d stretched the truth to avoid officially pinning the blame for her sudden loss of appetite on him. “Could you look after Bobby while I take care of some laundry?”
Reece’s gruff, “Sure thing,” was a thin cover for his displeasure and frustration, and they both knew that too.
Leah calmly crossed the kitchen to the short hall to the laundry room though her knees were shaking. Had she just made things worse or better?
The truth was, she no longer knew what to think. She certainly didn’t know much about the Reece Waverly she’d actually married. Whatever she’d known about him before, mostly by observation then later from Rachel, didn’t seem to quite fit the man she had to deal with now.
At least she’d set some sort of limit and had drawn a line on the kind of verbal exchanges she wanted to avoid, and Reece had essentially backed down. But for a man as naturally dominant as he was, how long would that last?
Rachel had never thought twice about standing up to Reece, and she’d done it as confidently as she’d done everything else in her life. Rachel had tamed a lot of Reece’s bluster and his natural tendency to autocratically run everything. But he would have expected that from Rachel. It would have seemed odd to him if Rachel hadn’t stood up to him.
But Leah wasn’t the woman he’d been so fervently in love with—was still in love with—so she had to watch her step. She was very aware that she’d have to depend completely on Reece’s sense of fairness as well as her own ability to tactfully and consistently hold her own, because it was imperative that Reece respect her.
She couldn’t afford to go to war with him, not when Bobby would be the one who’d suffer most. And though Reece couldn’t love her, the last thing she wanted was to somehow make him loathe her. It was hard enough to weather his indifference.
And it was more crucial than ever that Reece never guessed what she felt for him. Until now her feelings had been easy enough to conceal, because a man who barely paid attention missed a lot of things.
Reece would be paying attention now. To everything. He’d be looking for ways to keep their marriage together, at least for a while, and it would be natural for him to exploit any advantage.
Since his greatest advantage would be to discover how much she loved him, she’d have to take special care to keep him from somehow figuring it out.
CHAPTER THREE
WHO the hell was Leah Waverly?
His curiosity last night about what she wore to bed mocked him now. The soft-spoken, compliant woman who’d lived with him all these months had somehow turned prickly and assertive practically overnight.
He’d married her because of her devotion to Rachel and to Bobby, and because he knew she’d fight any claim Rachel’s parents might make on the boy if something happened to him. She’d always been meek about her own interests, but the child was another matter.
He’d seen the panic in her eyes and heard the faint tremor in her voice, but the lady had managed to look him straight in the eye and deliver her veiled little ultimatums. Though she’d used mild words, there was an inflexibility behind them that warned she’d meant what she’d said, however difficult it was for her to speak up for herself.
It was also a fresh reminder that where the boy was concerned, she was prepared to fight like a hellcat.
“Daddeee, mo’ juice.”
Bobby was leaning his way, twisting in his high chair as if to somehow put himself in his daddy’s line of sight to get his attention.
Reece felt the mild surprise of realizing the child might have asked him more than once. He covered it with an automatic, “What’s the magic word?”
Bobby straightened and reared back against his chair as he declared an eager, “Please!”
Reece reached for the pitcher of orange juice and poured a sensible half inch of liquid into the boy’s cup, just like Leah always did, before he handed it over. Bobby seized it with both hands and lifted it too suddenly to his mouth. Reece barely managed to grab the spare napkin to catch the overflow of juice as it spurted from both sides of the cup lip.
“Take it slower next time, pard,” he said gruffly, hastily adding his own napkin to catch and blot the rivulets that dribbled down on the bib. He patiently took the cup from Bobby’s hands and set it aside. “Ready to get down?”
“Yeah, down. Down.”
Reece stood, then belatedly reached for the damp washcloth Leah always had on the table to gently wipe away the stickiness from the baby’s face and hands. The bib went off next, then the loosening of the chair tray before he lifted Bobby out and set him on the floor.
By the time he turned back to his own breakfast, Reece realized he was no longer hungry either. As Bobby toddled over to the cabinet door where Leah kept a few toys, Reece cleared the table. Though he’d never done that before, it seemed important that he demonstrate some kind of usefulness to his wife.
He finished up a few minutes later, then set the dishwasher controls before he wondered what the hell was taking Leah so long in the laundry room.
Leah had folded a basket of clean towels and washcloths in record time, started a load of Reece’s work clothes, then stacked a second basket of Bobby’s things on top of the towel basket before she carried them through the house to put away.
She went to Bobby’s room first and efficiently put his things where they belonged. She’d just finished when she noticed that the small picture of Rachel that usually sat on the dresser top was gone. A quick glance around confirmed it was nowhere in the room.
After she carried the basket of towels to the linen closet and put them away, she took a moment to hurry into Reece’s room to make up the bed. She was just fluffing the pillows when she thought to glance toward the tall chest where a picture of Rachel normally sat.
The fact that it was gone was a confirmation that the absence of the one in Bobby’s room wasn’t a mistake. She wondered if the one in the den had also been put away. The pictures had been there yesterday, so Reece must have taken them away before he’d gone to bed last night or sometime this morning before he’d come to the kitchen for breakfast. He’d apparently taken the step before he’d told her his decision to stay married, so he’d already begun to act in good faith.
How hard had it been for him to put the photos away? She’d not begrudged the fact that they’d been displayed in the house. Even she had taken comfort from having them around because she’d been so close to Rachel.
The sound of Reece’s voice from the doorway startled her.
“There’s your missing mama.”
Leah hastily finished smoothing the bedspread before she glanced toward the hall door.
Reece carried Bobby on his wide shoulders and the boy was giggling while he gripped Reece’s hair. The contrast between Bobby’s gleeful face and Reece’s somber one made her realize he’d seen her staring at the spot where Rachel’s picture had been.
“Thanks for looking after him,” she said. “If you have things you need to do, go ahead.”
“I see you noticed the picture.”
Leah nodded. “And the one in Bobby’s room.”
“They’re in the dresser in the first bedroom. When you get time you might wrap ’em up to save for Bobby. I’ll put them in the attic over the garage later.”
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Susan Fox
She was a convenient bride…When Reece Waverly became a widower with an infant son to care for, he turned to Leah Gray. They had a strong friendship and he knew she'd make the perfect wife and mother. It was a convenient marriage–only Reece had no idea Leah had been secretly in love with him for years.…Could she become a wife for realLeah convinced herself she could live with this arrangement, for the baby's sake. But after a year she's forced to admit that she'd hoped to become Reece's wife in more than name only. On the verge of leaving, Leah is stunned when Reece declares it's time he claimed her as his bride for real!
The moment Reece’s big hand eased down to warmly cover hers, Leah jumped.
“I reckon I’ve left off touching you for so long that you’re bound to jump when I do it now,” Reece said.
“I’m probably just…tired,” she choked out.
She was about to turn away when he caught her elbow. He turned her fully toward him and lifted his free hand. “You have beautiful hair,” he said gruffly. “I never knew it would be this soft.” He gently gripped her head to tilt it back.
Leah was dimly aware that she tried to speak. “Don’t…please.”
“How are you gonna stop me?”
She couldn’t think of an effective way to answer him. She wasn’t sure she wanted to. The cool touch of his firm mouth on hers made her draw in a quick breath. As his mouth became a little more aggressive, her insides melted.
“We’re done living like roommates,” he growled. “Husbands and wives share a bed.”
To have and to hold…
Their marriage was meant to last— and they have the gold rings to prove it!
To love and to cherish…
But what happens when their promise to love, honor and cherish is put to the test?
From this day forward…
Emotions run high as husbands and wives discover how precious—and fragile—their wedding vows are…. Will true love keep them together—forever?
Marriages meant to last!
Contract Bride
Susan Fox
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
CONTENTS
PROLOGUE (#u9563046a-ab34-5511-b14a-3c9d91b0874e)
CHAPTER ONE (#ubee7ef64-a1ea-5c3f-b014-11bd6467261d)
CHAPTER TWO (#u7bd0e212-dbb0-53b0-90ac-2498de4af6d0)
CHAPTER THREE (#u49700602-625b-56db-b27a-759c1fb9cf1d)
CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
PROLOGUE
THEY married that morning in front of a judge at the county courthouse. Because the brief ceremony wasn’t so much a celebration as it was a legal technicality, their witnesses were a couple of law clerks the judge had called into his chambers at the last moment.
His Honor didn’t comment on the somber stillness of the bride and groom, though he took several moments to study and remark upon the handsome infant boy wrapped snugly in a light blanket, who slumbered peacefully in his father’s arms.
The judge had heard gossip about the couple before him. The groom had been widowed nearly four months ago when his wife had suddenly died a handful of days after the baby’s birth. The bride had been his dead wife’s best friend.
No doubt some, when they heard about this, would consider the hasty marriage a small scandal. Maybe it was, but His Honor was inclined to go easy on them. He knew Reece Waverly socially and by reputation. Leah Gray had graduated high school in the area and sometimes taught Sunday School.
The judge could tell at a glance that this was no love match, and that made him hesitate to perform the legalities. Reece’s stern face held the haunted traces of a man who’d been poleaxed by tragedy; his bride’s face was pale and she had a faintly heartsick look about her. If either of them had consulted him about this ahead of time, he would have strongly advised them against taking such a drastic step so soon.
But since both were legal adults competent to make agreements and bear responsibility for them, he summoned the impartiality of his status as a judicial official and led the couple through the formalities.
CHAPTER ONE
LEAH WAVERLY entered the den, relieved to see that her husband of eleven months was standing at the patio door instead of working at his desk. With one hand braced on the door frame and the fingers of the other wedged in his front jeans’ pocket, Reece stared out broodingly at the lengthening shadows on the patio out back.
She knew he’d heard her nearly silent tread on the carpet because she’d seen the subtle ripple of tension in his wide shoulders. Yes, he’d been tense around her lately, but she’d also caught a hint of restlessness and what could only be dissatisfaction. Had he recovered enough from Rachel’s death to take a good long look at what they’d done?
The question had eaten at her for weeks and she could no longer bear her dread of the answer. Better to get it into the open, better to know for sure…
However carefully she worded this, Leah already knew that her husband’s response would never be the one she’d hoped for. Reece had buried his heart when he’d buried Rachel, and whatever heart he’d had left, he’d dedicated solely to his young son. There was nothing left for the plain woman he’d so suddenly married, and as the months had stretched on, Leah had become more certain of that by the day.
She knew Reece well enough to be sure he’d never ask for a divorce. Because he wouldn’t, it was up to her to offer it. She was certain he’d be relieved, and once she assured him she was willing to work out a peaceful arrangement to share custody of little Bobby, he’d be grateful to be able to get on with his life.
Though she’d known from the beginning this time would come, she’d had the foolish hope that Reece might develop some kind of affection for her. Male/ female friendships often deepened into love. Maybe not the intensely passionate kind that he’d shared with Rachel, but certainly the low-key, mutually caring kind.
And yet as time had gone on, Leah had been forced to realize there was simply nothing between them. There’d not been a single word of personal caring, never so much as a passing glance to misinterpret. She was certain now there never would be. She’d finally reached the conclusion that she loved Reece enough to want to see him happy again, even if his happiness would never be with her.
What she regretted with all her heart was that Bobby would grow up being shuttled back and forth between a father and adoptive mother who’d made such a foolish bargain. Though Reece had married her to protect the boy if something should unexpectedly happen to him as it had to Rachel, in hindsight it was obvious to Leah—and probably to Reece by now—that it would have been more prudent to wait.
But a man who’d been devastated by the sudden death of the woman he’d been wildly in love with, trusted more in cruel tragedies that struck out of the blue than he did in the more mundane and temporary events in life, at least for a time.
The fact that Leah had essentially taken advantage of Reece’s worries for her own selfish reasons was something she’d probably never forgive herself for. That’s why she had to do this for him. She wasn’t certain how much longer she could live with him anyway, because the heart-numbing distance between them was already too painful.
When Reece lowered his hand from the door frame and turned, Leah felt again the heavy ache of longing and love she’d secretly been tortured by for years.
Reece Waverly was a big man, over six foot tall with wide shoulders, muscle-thick arms and long, powerful legs. He’d showered before supper, and the clean jeans and white shirt he wore were still crisp. Perpetually somber and taciturn, his tanned, weather-creased skin made him look rugged and harsh. His bluntly masculine face was made even more dramatic by his dark eyes, black eyebrows, and the formidable set of his strong jaw. The thin slash of his lips carried a hint of ruthlessness Leah had never seen evidence of.
And yet the look of him now was worlds different in every way from the man he’d been when Rachel had been alive. He’d been a softer, less intimidating man, more given to smiles and teasing glances. He’d been more open, more apt to speak since he was a well-read, thinking man who enjoyed being sociable. He’d had a sense of humor and a masculine charm that was irresistible.
But Reece had been on top of the world then, completely in love with Rachel, and looking forward to the birth of their first child.
Leah so missed the man Reece had been—the man she’d felt such guilt for loving—almost as much as she missed Rachel.
A fresh wisp of heartache went through her, and she almost lost her nerve. She had to force herself to make a start.
“Is it still convenient for a talk?”
The dark eyes that had regarded her almost blindly for months were suddenly sharp on her face, and she felt the pressure of that sharpness as they examined every soft feature. But then his gaze met hers and she felt the probe of it go so deep that she got the alarming sense that he’d read her thoughts.
And maybe he had, because his somber expression appeared to harden.
“You don’t ever need an appointment, Leah. I told you that earlier.”
Leah brought her hands together primly at her waist, not really surprised that they were trembling. “You did,” she said gently, “but you looked deep in thought.”
His gaze narrowed the slightest bit. It was clear that he was alert to something in her face and in the way she held herself. Since she was stiff with tension and couldn’t stop the faint tremors of dread that passed through her in waves, it was no wonder he was taking a closer look.
His gruff, “Go ahead and have a seat,” was a relief, since she’d feel steadier sitting. Leah chose one of the wing chairs on his side of the room, and noted that he stayed standing where he was, his back to the patio doors and the rapidly darkening twilight.
As always, he kept himself remote from her. As always, she was careful not to trespass. Leah sank down and rested her elbows on the chair arms then laced her fingers together to let them dangle over her lap. She tried to collect her thoughts, but it was supremely hard to do.
Oh God, if she thought there could ever be a chance for Reece to care for her, she wouldn’t do this. But the utter deadness between them was proof enough that Reece would never feel anything for her. Leah made herself begin with something mild.
“You haven’t given your answer yet about going to Donovan Ranch for the barbecue next Saturday, so I thought I’d tell you that whatever you choose to do, I’ve decided to go.”
Leah saw a glimmer of something shoot through Reece’s gaze, and though wary of it, she managed to keep her voice casual and even.
“I’ve made arrangements for someone to take care of Bobby. Unless you’d like to have a day and an evening alone with him.”
Leah finished with, “If you decide to go, we could either use the sitter or take Bobby with us. There’ll be other children there, so he’d enjoy that.”
“When did you decide this?” The near growl in his low voice gave the clear impression of disapproval.
In all these months, Reece had never once questioned her judgment. He’d often asked her about decisions she’d made regarding the boy, but only to inform himself. He’d never remarked at all on decisions she’d made about her personal activities, so this was unusual.
She nervously tightened her fingers and spoke, careful to make her tone practical rather than critical. “When I reminded you about it last week, you didn’t seem interested.”
A breathless anxiety made a sweeping pass through her insides, and she took another small step toward the subject she meant to open.
“Since you and I aren’t…in the habit of doing things together, I didn’t think you’d mind if I decided to go. As I said, I’ve made arrangements for Bobby that you can control however you like, whatever you decide to do about Saturday.”
Reece’s somber expression had gone stony and Leah felt uneasy. She’d irritated him, but couldn’t for the life of her imagine why. Though Reece’s temper was legendary, he’d never given a single hint of turning it on her or his son. Informing him that she was going to a neighbor’s barbecue seemed too small a thing to provoke him.
And yet the strained silence hung between them and built. It helped a little to keep in mind that Reece was a good man and a fair one, who was as naturally decent as the day was long. She had nothing to fear from a man like him, no matter his temper. She couldn’t have agreed to their bargain, much less adored him for years, if she hadn’t known those things as absolute facts.
The real danger was that he’d somehow find out how much she loved him, and then either reject her feelings outright, or worse, pity her for having them.
“You haven’t got much out of our deal, have you?”
Reece’s question was jarringly direct and a signal that he might have guessed the real reason she’d wanted this talk. The growl in his voice had softened, though his stony expression hadn’t.
Leah sensed something, perhaps regret, perhaps guilt, but she automatically discounted that impression and considered it nothing more than wishful thinking. A longing heart would always see a banquet in a table crumb. Pride roared up to keep her from revealing even a hint of her true feelings.
“I’ve gotten exactly what I bargained to get,” she told him, then made her stiff lips relax a little into a smile. “And I have Bobby. Being able to love and raise him is more than enough.”
Leah tried not to blink at the half-lie in that last part. Though at twenty-four she’d never had more than a hasty kiss on the mouth once by a boy who’d done it to embarrass her, she had the same female longing for affection and intimate tenderness as any other woman, in spite of her inexperience.
“So you’re satisfied with the way it’s been.” Reece’s gravelly words were not a question, but a statement.
Leah caught the cynical gleam in his dark eyes and didn’t understand it. Or why he’d even think to remark on whether she’d been satisfied or not by the way things between them had gone.
The past eleven months had revolved around the boy, the ranch and the polite day-to-day cooperation between a stay at home wife who cared for a house and child, and a rancher who spent hours a day working outdoors or doing paperwork in the den. The emotional sterility between the two of them had been so heart-numbing that Leah often wondered if they were even friends.
“I’m…satisfied we’ve both done what we agreed to do.” Leah cringed inwardly at the small hesitation, but it was hard to face the relentlessness she suddenly sensed in Reece.
It was even harder to maintain eye contact with the dark eyes that seemed to flicker with perception when she was trying so hard to hide the truth, at least the most dangerous truth: her real feelings.
“I remember we talked about more than just protecting the boy when we started this,” he said then.
The reminder completely threw her. She recalled Reece’s remarks on that subject with distressing clarity. It had been in this very room at almost the same time of day that he’d made them.
It was the only time either of them had so much as hinted at the possibly of having other children. Or of personal needs, having sex in particular.
“I reckon sex will be part of this deal, since it’s a marriage,” he’d said, and it hurt to remember the bleak, almost grim look in his eyes, as if he was resigned to the task only because he saw it as a marital obligation.
“Won’t be likely for a time,” he’d gone on, glancing away from her before he’d added, “but we’ve both got needs.”
His low voice had trailed off and she’d got the impression that the thought of sex with any woman but Rachel was not only vaguely distasteful to him, but that he also couldn’t imagine that sex would ever again be something more than a biological function, perhaps to have more children, but mainly as a physical release.
At least he’d not insulted her obvious lack of desirability by rejecting the possibility of ever having sex with her. And because he’d also let her know that he was willing to have other children with her if she wanted them, he apparently hadn’t considered her an unworthy recipient of his seed.
Of course, eleven months had gone by and if Reece had ever had a “need”, she’d never known about it. Which only confirmed the idea that Reece felt so little for her that he didn’t think of her in terms of sex.
Reece’s gruff voice brought her back to the present. “You remember that, don’t you?”
His dark gaze shifted downward to flash quickly over her body. So quickly it seemed almost mechanical. As if it was expected that a man who’d brought up the subject of sex might at least make a cursory inspection to familiarize himself with the physical attributes of the woman he’d suggested it to.
Leah felt her cheeks go abnormally hot with a mix of feminine shame and very feminine indignation. Without so much as a single nonaccidental touch between them in all these months, and no hint of personal affection from Reece, sex was the last thing she’d consider. Particularly when the look he’d just given her had been so clearly obligatory. Not even she was so hungry for love that she’d allow herself to be so coldly used.
“I think we’ve moved past the point where the things we talked about that night might have made sense,” she said stiffly, just managing not to give in to the fiery hurt she’d sustained. “I think you’ve realized that too.”
Her heart was pounding so hard that she felt a little dizzy. Her refusal had set off sparks in Reece’s dark gaze and she felt a corresponding nettle of resentment. It took so, so much to keep her voice even and her words reasonable.
“Neither of us was thinking straight after Rachel died,” she told him. “Now that we’ve had these months to put things into a more moderate perspective, I think we both have doubts about going on together.”
There. She’d got it said and the world hadn’t come to an end. The minor softening of Reece’s stony expression had vanished, but he was still silent. She tried not to fidget while his dark eyes bore into hers like twin drills.
There was something in the way he stared over at her that compelled her to go on, something that suggested he needed to hear more to be convinced. Leah made a try at doing just that.
“As I said, we made the decision to marry at a time when we weren’t quite ourselves,” she said calmly, careful to keep her tone mild, though she couldn’t keep the tremor out of it. “Lately you’ve seemed…unhappy. In a different way than before, so I…thought it was time to discuss what might need to change, even though the change that probably seems most sensible is divorce.”
The booming silence that followed was as much a sudden assault on the room as a thunderclap would have been. It had impacted with such power that it was difficult, even in the aftermath, to decide if an actual clap of thunder had sounded around them, or if it had truly been a silent shockwave.
But maybe it had been an actual thunderclap, because the storm was suddenly visible in Reece’s harsh face. His dark eyes snapped with angry surprise, and the ruthless line of his mouth now seemed more promise than vague threat.
“Are you asking for a divorce?”
The blunt question wasn’t unexpected, but his gravelly tone of voice carried a steeliness that warned how rigidly he controlled himself. Leah felt her heart skip faster, and forced herself to shake her head.
“There’s a difference between asking for a divorce and offering one.”
The moment the words were out of her mouth she wondered why she’d put it that way. She should have simply answered “yes”. The huge tide of hurt and unhappiness that rose up added to her alarm and she mentally scrambled to show none of it.
Oh, God, don’t let him see, don’t ever let him find out…
“I’ve made the offer,” she said coolly, so relieved that her tone was calm and practical that she blundered into undermining her purpose even more. “What you do with it is up to you.”
She’d somehow stood to her feet without being fully aware of it until she felt the back of her knees brush the front of the chair. But whether her body had taken action to help her assert herself or to flee, she didn’t know. At least she could see that her more temperate answer to Reece’s question had gotten her message across just as clearly as a more definitive one.
Reece’s weather-tanned face was like a granite monolith. A ruddy flush she recognized as fury had crept into his lean cheeks, but she knew by his iron silence that he wouldn’t inflict it on her.
“I’ll look in on Bobby before I go to bed. Goodnight.”
Leah turned and moved around the chair to walk as normally as possible to the door then into the hall. Her knees were rubbery and her legs felt heavy and weak, but she managed to make a dignified exit.
She’d got the job done and except for that part near the end, she’d managed it fairly well. Though she might have delivered it all a bit less stiffly, she’d survived and Reece hadn’t guessed anything of her real feelings about either the divorce or him.
The need to spend time with Bobby was overwhelming, so she hurried down the hall to the bedroom end of the large, single-story ranch house. The child’s room was next to the master bedroom, and both rooms were linked by a connecting door.
Leah had never shared the master bedroom with Reece, much less shared his bed. He hadn’t offered and she’d certainly never asked. Given her pick of bedrooms, she’d chosen the one on the other side of Bobby’s. Reece had noted her choice and for her convenience, he’d had another connecting door put in the shared wall between her room and the baby’s.
As Leah slipped silently into Bobby’s room, the arrangement struck her as even more telling. At first, it had been understandable that she and Reece wouldn’t share a room or a bed, and she’d completely agreed. Rachel’s death had been too fresh and agonizing for them both, and it was scandalous enough that they’d married so soon after.
But as the months had gone by without so much as a hint of real closeness between them, Leah had reminded herself that she couldn’t reasonably expect more. Except for the baby, there was nothing between them but a marriage certificate and the same last name.
Reece had bargained for a woman to help raise his son and he’d wanted to settle a life that had been shattered by death and shock and upheaval. He’d also been determined to prevent his son from ever being raised and exploited by his maternal grandparents, if something should happen to him.
Leah had been a means to get an adoptive mother he trusted for his infant son and to keep his home life in order. He’d meant for Leah to be a fail-safe protection for Bobby if he was no longer around. He apparently hadn’t been thinking much about the wife he’d have to live with to get all that. And after what she’d sensed in him these past weeks, he’d surely awakened to the fact that having a wife had created almost as many problems for him as getting one had solved.
Bobby’s room was dimly lit, thanks to the ceramic puppy lamp she always left on. The house was so quiet that she could hear the child’s soft baby breaths almost from the moment she walked into the room.
She crossed to the baby bed and looked down blurrily into the sweet face of the sleeping child. His dark silky hair lay in charming disarray, and his long, black lashes fanned out thickly on chubby, sleep-flushed cheeks.
Leah put out a hand to tenderly touch his open fingers, marveling at his beauty, her heart breaking with love. She couldn’t love this baby more if she’d given birth to him herself. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for him. Not even the love she felt for Reece was as powerful as the love she felt for this dark-haired cherub.
Eventually, she eased the light blanket higher on his chest and turned to go to her room. She left the door between her room and his partway open, as always, so she could hear in case he woke up during the night.
As Leah began to get ready for bed a dozen doubts about her talk with Reece began to pick at her sense of accomplishment, but the important thing was that she’d got the subject into the open.
As a successful rancher and businessman, Reece was comfortable making decisions, and he’d learned better than most how to quickly determine and evaluate all the facts of a situation, and then to identify his options. His decision to marry her was probably the only truly bad decision of his adult life. And that had only happened because he’d been blinded by grief over Rachel and worry about his infant son’s future.
Deciding to divorce her wouldn’t require much thought. For Reece, it wouldn’t be a “yes” or “no” answer as much as it would be a “how soon?” one. He’d probably reached his decision before she’d gotten a handful of steps down the hall from the den.
Her obligation had been to put the subject before him and to signal her permission and approval. He’d probably confirm his decision to divorce her first thing in the morning at breakfast. After that, the only wrangling there’d ever be between them—over Bobby—would begin.
And even that was nothing to lie awake and fret about. Leah had been the baby’s main caregiver, and she’d naturally be responsible for the majority of his care, at least while he was so young. The rest they could work out as Bobby got older.
She had no fear that Reece would somehow banish her from Bobby’s life, particularly since part of protecting Bobby had meant that Leah had had to adopt him. She had as many parental rights as Reece did, and since they were both mindful of Bobby’s best interests, they would both play major parts in the boy’s life whether they stayed married or not.
As she lay in the dark, her sense of accomplishment and relief slowly gave way to a heavy heart. What she’d done tonight had virtually sealed the death of her fondest, most impossible dream. Though it had taken a secretly agonizing eleven months to finally kill it, what she’d done by offering Reece a divorce was to acknowledge that the dream of openly loving him and being loved by him was well and truly lost.
And it was only right that she would never see that dream fulfilled. She’d fallen in love with Reece years ago, long before he’d ever dated her best friend, but she hadn’t been able to stop loving him, not even when he’d married Rachel. She’d suffered tremendous guilt over that, but never enough to overcome her feelings.
Then she’d compounded the wrong of being in love with a married man by grabbing the chance to marry him after he’d been widowed, at perhaps the only time in his life that he’d ever been vulnerable. The guilt and heartache she’d suffered and might continue to suffer over her selfish feelings for her best friend’s husband, were fitting punishments that she accepted.
At least Rachel had never suspected. Hopefully Reece would never find out, either.
Leah turned onto her side and stared into the dark for a long time. She must have dropped off to sleep sometime before it got too late, because she never heard Reece’s bootsteps as she usually did when he passed her room on the way to his own.
CHAPTER TWO
REECE’S first impulse had been to go after Leah and drag her back to the den to have it out. His second had been to walk over to the liquor cabinet and pour himself a double Scotch. Once he’d done the latter, he tossed it back like a man on fire trying to douse the flames.
But the conflagration of anger and surprise and guilt wasn’t so easily put out. The hell of it was, he was overdue to have his meek wife stand up to him. Though she’d used softly polite, tactful words, she’d nonetheless given him a sound thrashing and called him to account.
Leah Gray Waverly had turned out to be the perfect mother, calm and competent, as loving as she was gently patient and wise with the boy. She made certain Bobby saw him in the morning before he left the house, she timed the baby’s schedule to his to maximize their time together, and she arranged nightly for him to spend time alone with his son.
She’d also been the ideal wife. After his housekeeper had retired just after their sudden marriage, Leah had cooked his meals, washed his clothes, and single-handedly kept his large, six-bedroom house virtually dust free in the middle of a ranch headquarters where dust hung in the air around the clock. In between all that, she ran his errands, took his phone calls when he was out, and generally made his home life an aggravation-free island of pleasantness and serenity.
But whatever he’d thought about Leah’s quiet temperament, what she’d done just now reminded him that the lady had a backbone. Tonight she’d shown a steely pride that was no less formidable than his own.
As Reece poured himself another drink, he did so more thoughtfully this time. He hadn’t meant to be so indifferent to her, he hadn’t meant to take everything she’d done for him and give her nothing personal in return.
He’d given her his son, the most precious person in his life, but what woman who thought anything of herself would have been content to love and help raise her best friend’s child and put up with being an unpaid servant to a husband who, as far as she’d be able to tell, hadn’t appreciated any of it?
For weeks his conscience had been dogged by the things he’d neglected with Leah. He’d put her name on his bank accounts, but she’d never spent so much as a dollar of his money on herself. He had yet to take her out to a nice restaurant or a social function. The only time he’d attended church with her had been on the Sunday she’d had Bobby dedicated. Hell, he hadn’t even remembered her birthday until four months after it had passed.
After being married to a near hermit for the past eleven months, it was no wonder she’d informed him that she meant to go to the barbecue, with or without him.
Rachel had told him things about Leah that he hadn’t thought about for years. About her nomadic childhood, the many abandonments by both her father and mother, her eventual ordeal in a series of foster homes. According to Rachel, Leah’s biggest dream had been to someday have a family and a home.
She had a legal son in Bobby and she lived in one of the finest homes in the area. But his preoccupation with Rachel’s loss had cheated her out of the complete family she must have wanted and had probably left her feeling like a slave instead of a marriage partner. Hence her solemn little bombshell tonight.
Yet he felt nothing for her aside from gratitude—gratitude and guilt. The turmoil of that had nettled him for weeks, but he couldn’t seem to help that gratitude and guilt were the only things Leah stirred in him.
Losing Rachel had left him empty. Any woman who wasn’t her was merely female. No one to wonder about, and certainly no one to get excited about. His hormones had come back to life, his lust still fired over the usual sights and thoughts, he still had powerful male urges that craved satisfaction, but the mysterious allure of tenderness and sweet feelings were gone as completely as Rachel.
In his mind and heart, love and sex were associated exclusively with luxurious red hair, freckle-flecked satin skin and exotic emerald eyes that sparkled with passion and a zest for life.
Suddenly the memories were white hot, and he relived the phantom feeling of Rachel’s lush body pressed against his. His palms ached to slide over her soft skin to tenderly cup and caress, and his fingers tingled with the unforgettable sensation of what it had felt like to lavish pleasure on her.
Pain and bitterness welled up at the torment, and Reece forced the powerful memories to stop. He determinedly fixed his thoughts on the living woman—the wife—he was obligated to crave.
But desire didn’t rise very high over long sable hair that was usually pinned up or worn in a French braid; it didn’t crave the touch and warm feel of lightly tanned almost dusky skin. Eyes that were a deep, quiet blue didn’t suggest anything more enticing or arousing for him than somber mysteries and unhappiness, and his heart was already weighted down by those.
Try as he might, he couldn’t picture Leah’s pretty eyes going slumberous with lust, and he couldn’t imagine her losing her very rigid self-control to clutch at him in the high heat of sexual intimacy. It was as unthinkable of Leah as it would have been of an elderly maiden aunt.
The harsh bite of guilt he felt for the unfair comparison made him finish the second Scotch in another punishing rush.
He didn’t want Bobby to be hurt, and divorce would do a masterful job of hurting the boy. Surely his lack of sexual interest in Leah was a remnant of Rachel’s loss. That and the fact that he’d barely paid attention to her as a potential lover, and he’d never been curious enough to find out what she might really be like when she wasn’t being a mommy or teaching Sunday School.
Rachel and Leah had been closer than sisters. So close that he knew Rachel wouldn’t think much of him for cheating Leah out of a loving home. Particularly when Leah had given up her chance of finding a man whose heart could be all hers so she could come to the aid of her best friend’s husband and infant son.
Feeling gut sick over what Leah had sacrificed and how poorly he’d repaid her, Reece set the tumbler down with a soft thud then made himself walk over to his desk. He picked up the silver-framed photo of Rachel and turned it to study her face.
The flatness of the image impacted him. He tilted the frame slightly, as if to get a better look at the thickness of it, but the photo paper behind the glass suddenly looked as thin and unsubstantial as any other photograph.
For the first time Reece felt detached from the color image, and his heart grabbed futilely to recapture the sense of connection. It was as if he’d known this achingly beautiful woman a long time ago, too long ago, and something in him flinched with surprise at the feeling of distance. It had only been fifteen months since the wreck, and yet it suddenly felt like another lifetime, one that had belonged to some other Reece Waverly.
In the space of mere moments, the memory of Rachel had gone from white hot and all but tangible to something more like a dimly remembered dream.
Which reminded him of the worst part of these past weeks. Rachel had been fading from his mind. A little here, a little there, he was starting to forget the things he’d been convinced were burned on his heart forever. Except for the soul rocking flashes of sudden memory, the everyday details of how Rachel had moved, how she’d smiled—even how she’d touched and taken care of their son that handful of days—had begin to cloud over until he could only rarely summon them at will.
Would her memory fade completely away? Was he man enough to face the bleakness of that second loss if she did? The loneliness he already felt was brutal.
Reece stood there for several minutes more, wondering if he was drunk, wondering whether these strange feelings and impressions meant anything, but eventually realizing how weary he was. What he did next wasn’t so much a decision as it was a necessity.
He didn’t want to ever look at a picture of Rachel and feel this disconnected from her. The clarity of the photo was a reminder that the living image in his brain seemed to be growing more fuzzy and indistinct. Better to never see it again than to feel so eerily detached from both the woman and the life they’d had together.
Once he’d switched off the desk lamp, Reece turned and carried the framed picture to the bedroom end of the dark ranch house. He didn’t need a light to walk through the big house he’d lived in since birth. He went into the first guest bedroom he came to, and moved across the carpet to the dresser by memory. He fumbled for a drawer catch and opened the drawer just enough to put the picture inside.
It was best to ignore the hollow rattle of the silver frame against the wood bottom of the empty drawer as he pushed it closed. Nevertheless he hesitated, as if he might think of a rational reason to change his mind and put the picture back on his desk. Eventually, he left the drawer closed and walked out of the room and into the hall.
The soft glow of the light Leah always left on in Bobby’s room spilled into the hall and drew him, particularly tonight, though it was his usual habit to look in on the child.
Bobby was sleeping peacefully, so he lingered a bit before he backed a step away from the bed then paused to glance toward the partially open door between the baby’s room and Leah’s. It was too dark in her room to see more than a wedge of carpet, though from this angle he hadn’t expected to be able to actually catch a glimpse of her.
The mental picture of what she might look like asleep and his quick curiosity about what she wore to bed came so suddenly that he felt a new kind of jolt. He’d never had a single thought about Leah’s preferences or private habits, so this was a new thing.
But then again, he’d either had just enough booze to inspire a faint spark of curiosity about Leah because he’d been trying to summon some kind of desire for her, or he was drunk enough to have lost a few inhibitions so that the idea of sex without love wasn’t such an empty one.
Either way, he couldn’t take the small spark seriously. It would surely be gone by morning, smothered out by the cold reality of another day.
Reece heard Leah’s soft laugh just before he reached the kitchen that next morning.
“No, no, let’s not put the toast in your cup. It goes in your mouth, silly boy.”
Leah was never late putting a hot breakfast on the table. She might have been up half the night with Bobby or had to deal with the boy waking up earlier than normal, but somehow she handled every complication so competently that Reece could have set his watch by her.
Bobby had awakened early, probably with his usual soaked diaper that required a quick bath, but when Reece stepped into the kitchen his son was clean and dressed and sitting in his high chair with a bib on. He was gnawing on a piece of toast as Leah finished putting food on the table.
Reece felt a nettle of guilt and an equally sharp nettle of resentment. He already owed Leah more than he could repay, yet she just went on being perfect. Relentlessly perfect. Her perfection was a silent indictment of his notable lack of perfection where being a husband was concerned. The mild headache he’d woke up with began to pound.
“Daddeee!”
Bobby’s excitement to see him gave Reece a rush of pleasure and love that somehow soothed the rawness he felt.
The baby had his dark coloring, though Bobby’s features, particularly his green eyes and the way he set his mouth, fairly shouted testimony that he was Rachel’s son. The tender pride Reece felt in the boy might have added to the volatile churn of emotion that was still riding him from last night, but his relief to not only see but also identify the ways Bobby resembled his late mother slowed some of the churn.
Reece crossed to where the high chair sat between his place at the head of the table and Leah’s to his right. He ruffled Bobby’s dark hair before bending to give him a kiss on the forehead.
“Good morning,” Leah said quietly.
“Morning.”
Reece sat down just after Leah did, then automatically took hold of Bobby’s hand as Leah briefly said grace.
Quick and soft, the small prayer was another unintended reminder that Leah was a wonderful mother to his son. No detail of the child’s upbringing was being overlooked by her, while Reece himself had failed to provide him with something as elemental and necessary to a happy childhood as having a daddy and mama who loved each other.
The boy needed to grow up seeing a normal and settled relationship between his parents. How long would it be before he was old enough to note the significance of having a mama and daddy who never touched, who never embraced, and who didn’t even sleep in the same bed? His mood going darker, Reece took the meat plate Leah passed to him and silently served himself.
Leah was so tense that she felt awkward and self-conscious. Should she ask Reece what he’d decided or wait for him to tell her? Now that the big moment was almost here, she realized even more sharply how difficult it would be to actually hear that he would take her up on her offer to divorce.
Be careful what you ask for. How fitting that of all the things she’d asked for in her life and hadn’t gotten, she would actually get the one thing that would hurt the most.
She put Bobby’s plate on his tray and gave him his fork. The thought of what a divorce would mean to this happy child made it nearly impossible to look him full in the face.
“Do you have special plans for today?” Reece asked, and Leah felt her nerves jump. She managed to glance his way briefly, but not to actually make eye contact before she focused on filling her own plate.
“I thought I might go to San Antonio to find something new for Saturday. It could wait till tomorrow if you have something you need done today.”
“Wouldn’t mind ridin’ along,” he said, his low voice oddly gruff. “What time?”
The information was a surprise, but then Leah realized that Reece might have planned for them to consult with their lawyer as soon as possible. Or rather, he would consult with his lawyer while she found one to represent her.
“I’d planned to leave you a cold lunch and start midmorning, but we could go anytime. Just so I have an hour or so to shop.”
At this point, there was no sense in dancing around the subject that had to be dominating his thoughts as strongly as it was hers. And if she had to find a lawyer, she might as well know it now so she could check the Yellow Pages before they set out.
“So you’ve made your decision?” Leah asked, then made the mistake of taking a bite of fluffy eggs before she realized she probably wouldn’t be able to swallow them past the huge lump of dread in her throat.
The charged silence that followed her question increased her self-consciousness. She reached for her coffee cup to try to wash down the eggs.
Reece didn’t answer right away, and his silence felt ominous. She set down her coffee cup and glanced at him the tiniest second to find her gaze trapped by the laser intensity of his. As if he’d been waiting for her full attention, he gave her his answer.
“I won’t tell my boy that I divorced his mama because I couldn’t live up to my end of a commitment. There’ll be no divorce.”
The growling words were a complete and utter shock. If she hadn’t been sitting, her knees would have given out. In the next second she experienced such a stab of panic that it was all she could do to not jump up and flee.
Reece’s grim expression was intimidating, and she weathered another wave of panic. The only thing worse than divorce would be for Reece to tough it out and stay married to her. But how long would it be before he regretted—and then bitterly resented—giving up the chance to divorce her early on so he’d be free to find a woman more compatible with his idea of marital satisfaction?
Or would Reece make an effort for a while, but then realize he simply couldn’t tolerate going through the motions with a woman he couldn’t truly care for? By then, either her hope would be soaring at an all-time high only to be cruelly disappointed, or she’d suffer through all his efforts knowing every moment that it was only because of his iron-willed determination that he stuck it out with her.
Worst of all, how long before Bobby would be old enough to realize his parents didn’t love each other? And when he figured out the depth of the personal sacrifice Reece had made for his sake, would he feel gratitude or would he feel guilt? Would he blame Leah for his father’s unhappiness? Or would he figure out what Reece seemed oblivious to so far: that Leah had taken advantage of his father at a vulnerable time?
There was literally no way for the three of them to be happy for any length of time, if ever, under any of those circumstances. Because Leah believed so absolutely that Reece would never come to love her, she ignored that possibility altogether. And without even the possibility of love, could there ever be anything certain ahead except a new level of misery for them all?
Leah’s gaze shifted from Reece’s. She knew she must have telegraphed her distress to Reece when he spoke.
“Wasn’t that the answer you wanted to hear?”
Leah dropped her hand to her lap and gripped her napkin. She felt sick suddenly, so any further attempt to eat would be futile. She tried to come up with the right thing to say.
“You’re a very good man, Reece. And an honorable one.” She made herself look over at him so he could see that she meant those words completely. The hard glitter in his dark eyes didn’t make it easy to go on. “I think you’ll work very hard to make something of this marriage. I should have expected you to react this way…” She let her voice trail off the moment she saw the spark of temper as he sensed what she would say next. She went determinedly on.
“But I’m certain once you’ve truly had time to consider it, you’ll see things the other way.” She gripped her hands together in her lap as she struggled to present a neutral expression. “I won’t hold you to anything but shared custody of Bobby when the time comes.”
Reece’s face went flinty. “Bobby stays on Waverly Ranch, under this roof where he belongs.”
It was a declaration of war. Leah knew it and went cold. Though she should have expected this too, it was chilling to hear Reece bluntly state it. Now they’d not only be emotionally and physically aloof from each other, they’d be adversaries, which made the precarious situation between them even more perilous and destined to end badly.
Leah lifted her napkin to the table and calmly eased back her chair to stand. She couldn’t keep her composure and stay in the room another moment, but she couldn’t allow Reece to get away with his declaration. He’d run over her from here on if she didn’t.
“I won’t take offense this time, Reece,” she managed shakily. She wouldn’t remind him of their legal agreement regarding custody of Bobby, but she’d use it if she had to. It was just more prudent to stand up to him without it. This time. “But if you mean to persuade me that this marriage has a chance, declarations like that aren’t very convincing.”
Leah maintained eye contact with him, though his dark gaze was fiery now. She eased to the side to push her chair closer to the table.
“You didn’t finish your food,” he growled, and she got the impression that he might have preferred to simply order her to sit down, but was wary of how she’d take that. It was a relief to have fresh proof that he wouldn’t bully or boss her, no matter how angry he was.
“I probably nibbled too much while I was cooking and spoiled my appetite,” she said quietly. The gleam of perception in his gaze told her he knew she’d stretched the truth to avoid officially pinning the blame for her sudden loss of appetite on him. “Could you look after Bobby while I take care of some laundry?”
Reece’s gruff, “Sure thing,” was a thin cover for his displeasure and frustration, and they both knew that too.
Leah calmly crossed the kitchen to the short hall to the laundry room though her knees were shaking. Had she just made things worse or better?
The truth was, she no longer knew what to think. She certainly didn’t know much about the Reece Waverly she’d actually married. Whatever she’d known about him before, mostly by observation then later from Rachel, didn’t seem to quite fit the man she had to deal with now.
At least she’d set some sort of limit and had drawn a line on the kind of verbal exchanges she wanted to avoid, and Reece had essentially backed down. But for a man as naturally dominant as he was, how long would that last?
Rachel had never thought twice about standing up to Reece, and she’d done it as confidently as she’d done everything else in her life. Rachel had tamed a lot of Reece’s bluster and his natural tendency to autocratically run everything. But he would have expected that from Rachel. It would have seemed odd to him if Rachel hadn’t stood up to him.
But Leah wasn’t the woman he’d been so fervently in love with—was still in love with—so she had to watch her step. She was very aware that she’d have to depend completely on Reece’s sense of fairness as well as her own ability to tactfully and consistently hold her own, because it was imperative that Reece respect her.
She couldn’t afford to go to war with him, not when Bobby would be the one who’d suffer most. And though Reece couldn’t love her, the last thing she wanted was to somehow make him loathe her. It was hard enough to weather his indifference.
And it was more crucial than ever that Reece never guessed what she felt for him. Until now her feelings had been easy enough to conceal, because a man who barely paid attention missed a lot of things.
Reece would be paying attention now. To everything. He’d be looking for ways to keep their marriage together, at least for a while, and it would be natural for him to exploit any advantage.
Since his greatest advantage would be to discover how much she loved him, she’d have to take special care to keep him from somehow figuring it out.
CHAPTER THREE
WHO the hell was Leah Waverly?
His curiosity last night about what she wore to bed mocked him now. The soft-spoken, compliant woman who’d lived with him all these months had somehow turned prickly and assertive practically overnight.
He’d married her because of her devotion to Rachel and to Bobby, and because he knew she’d fight any claim Rachel’s parents might make on the boy if something happened to him. She’d always been meek about her own interests, but the child was another matter.
He’d seen the panic in her eyes and heard the faint tremor in her voice, but the lady had managed to look him straight in the eye and deliver her veiled little ultimatums. Though she’d used mild words, there was an inflexibility behind them that warned she’d meant what she’d said, however difficult it was for her to speak up for herself.
It was also a fresh reminder that where the boy was concerned, she was prepared to fight like a hellcat.
“Daddeee, mo’ juice.”
Bobby was leaning his way, twisting in his high chair as if to somehow put himself in his daddy’s line of sight to get his attention.
Reece felt the mild surprise of realizing the child might have asked him more than once. He covered it with an automatic, “What’s the magic word?”
Bobby straightened and reared back against his chair as he declared an eager, “Please!”
Reece reached for the pitcher of orange juice and poured a sensible half inch of liquid into the boy’s cup, just like Leah always did, before he handed it over. Bobby seized it with both hands and lifted it too suddenly to his mouth. Reece barely managed to grab the spare napkin to catch the overflow of juice as it spurted from both sides of the cup lip.
“Take it slower next time, pard,” he said gruffly, hastily adding his own napkin to catch and blot the rivulets that dribbled down on the bib. He patiently took the cup from Bobby’s hands and set it aside. “Ready to get down?”
“Yeah, down. Down.”
Reece stood, then belatedly reached for the damp washcloth Leah always had on the table to gently wipe away the stickiness from the baby’s face and hands. The bib went off next, then the loosening of the chair tray before he lifted Bobby out and set him on the floor.
By the time he turned back to his own breakfast, Reece realized he was no longer hungry either. As Bobby toddled over to the cabinet door where Leah kept a few toys, Reece cleared the table. Though he’d never done that before, it seemed important that he demonstrate some kind of usefulness to his wife.
He finished up a few minutes later, then set the dishwasher controls before he wondered what the hell was taking Leah so long in the laundry room.
Leah had folded a basket of clean towels and washcloths in record time, started a load of Reece’s work clothes, then stacked a second basket of Bobby’s things on top of the towel basket before she carried them through the house to put away.
She went to Bobby’s room first and efficiently put his things where they belonged. She’d just finished when she noticed that the small picture of Rachel that usually sat on the dresser top was gone. A quick glance around confirmed it was nowhere in the room.
After she carried the basket of towels to the linen closet and put them away, she took a moment to hurry into Reece’s room to make up the bed. She was just fluffing the pillows when she thought to glance toward the tall chest where a picture of Rachel normally sat.
The fact that it was gone was a confirmation that the absence of the one in Bobby’s room wasn’t a mistake. She wondered if the one in the den had also been put away. The pictures had been there yesterday, so Reece must have taken them away before he’d gone to bed last night or sometime this morning before he’d come to the kitchen for breakfast. He’d apparently taken the step before he’d told her his decision to stay married, so he’d already begun to act in good faith.
How hard had it been for him to put the photos away? She’d not begrudged the fact that they’d been displayed in the house. Even she had taken comfort from having them around because she’d been so close to Rachel.
The sound of Reece’s voice from the doorway startled her.
“There’s your missing mama.”
Leah hastily finished smoothing the bedspread before she glanced toward the hall door.
Reece carried Bobby on his wide shoulders and the boy was giggling while he gripped Reece’s hair. The contrast between Bobby’s gleeful face and Reece’s somber one made her realize he’d seen her staring at the spot where Rachel’s picture had been.
“Thanks for looking after him,” she said. “If you have things you need to do, go ahead.”
“I see you noticed the picture.”
Leah nodded. “And the one in Bobby’s room.”
“They’re in the dresser in the first bedroom. When you get time you might wrap ’em up to save for Bobby. I’ll put them in the attic over the garage later.”
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Susan Fox
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: She was a convenient bride…When Reece Waverly became a widower with an infant son to care for, he turned to Leah Gray. They had a strong friendship and he knew she′d make the perfect wife and mother. It was a convenient marriage–only Reece had no idea Leah had been secretly in love with him for years.…Could she become a wife for realLeah convinced herself she could live with this arrangement, for the baby′s sake. But after a year she′s forced to admit that she′d hoped to become Reece′s wife in more than name only. On the verge of leaving, Leah is stunned when Reece declares it′s time he claimed her as his bride for real!