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Another Man's Wife
Rebecca Winters


Nate Hawkins was a close friend of fellow air force pilot Scott Pierce. But he concealed one fact from Scott: Nate was in love with Scott's wife, Laurel.Now Scott is dead - and Laurel is obviously pregnant. But the timing's off, and as far as Nate's concerned, that can mean only one thing. Nate doesn't know it, but he's wrong. After years of fertility treatments, Laurel is indeed pregnant - with Scott's child. She loved her husband faithfully.But despite herself, she's starting to fall in love with Nate, the man Scott admired above all others. The man who believes she betrayed her husband…his friend. But despite himself, Nate wants to be with Laurel, a woman he considers another man's wife.









He’d met Scott’s wife only once…


It was back when he was at Nellis years ago. But a man didn’t forget a woman like that.

Her hair had been longer then. With her pictures plastered on the wall of their barracks, every guy in their first squadron was envious of Scott—or Spade, as they called him.

Nate closed his eyes.

Spade…whose career had escalated too fast, who’d died in the prime of life….

The pregnant woman in the elevator couldn’t possibly have been his widow—could she? When he’d crashed and died six months ago, Nate knew his friend’s only regret was that he and his wife had never been able to have children.

Was this woman, this pregnant woman, really his friend’s wife? If so, that could mean only one thing: she’d betrayed her husband.




Dear Reader,

Family relationships can bring us the greatest happiness and the greatest sorrow. One thing is certain. They’re always complicated, complex and intriguing.

In this novel, Another Man’s Wife, and the sequel, Home to Copper Mountain (coming from Superromance in May 2003), I’ve focused on the lives of two extraordinary brothers, Nate and Rick Hawkins, whose worlds are forever changed when tragedy strikes their remarkably close family.

As both men strive to put the pain behind them and make sense of their lives, we see them run the gamut of loss, anger, bitterness, guilt, confusion, self-doubt, struggle and growth—especially when they encounter the strong women whose love is able to heal their tortured souls.

I hope you enjoy their stories! And please check out my Web site, www.rebeccawinters-author.com.

Rebecca Winters




Another Man’s Wife

Rebecca Winters









Another Man’s Wife




CONTENTS


CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

EPILOGUE




CHAPTER ONE


MAJOR NATE HAWKINS GOT READY to climb out of the military transport at Peterson Air Force Base in Colorado, aware that the moment his foot touched the tarmac, he’d be a civilian again.

Though he’d planned to stay in the Air Force until retirement, his mother’s unexpected death during an avalanche six months ago had brought huge changes to the Hawkins family. It seemed life had other plans for him.

He reminded himself that he could’ve been like Spade, who’d bought it during that damn air demonstration in Italy at the same time Nate had been burying his mother.

Nate knew he should be grateful to be alive….

The transport door opened. He filed out behind a couple of crewmen. After leaving the milder temperatures back in Holland, the frigid March air came as a shock. You’d never know spring was officially here.

He grimaced to think that his mother wouldn’t be home when he got there, and a sense of grief, of bleakness, settled over him. If this was how his father felt now that she was gone, then Nate understood why his parents’ ski business was in danger of going under.

“Hey, Nate! This way!”

His brother’s voice broke through the heavy shroud of oppression that had enveloped him during the long flight.

““Rick!” Thank God for that constant in his life.

A warm feeling displaced the sadness, and he rushed past people to reach his brother. Only a year apart in age, both men were six feet two, an inch taller than their father. They’d inherited his powerful athletic build, but it was Rick with the gray eyes who looked most like their dad.

Nate, on the other hand, had dark-blond hair and resembled their deceased mother, a statuesque, blue-eyed blonde from Are, Sweden. According to her, when the boys were toddlers people had often mistaken them for twins because Rick’s hair hadn’t turned brown yet.

They gave each other a fierce hug. “It’s good to see you, man.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” Rick muttered.

Nate took a second look at his younger brother. Since tragedy had struck their family, the happy-go-lucky attitude—which had earned him the name “lucky” on the ski slopes and the racetrack—was still missing.

That didn’t surprise Nate, but the set of Rick’s features did.

“I take it you’ve already seen Dad.” Their plan had been to walk into the house together and surprise him.

“You could say that,” came Rick’s cryptic comment.

“Have you told him what we’ve done?”

“Not yet.”

Something else was wrong, something besides the fact that being home again was a painful reminder of their mother’s death.

“Is Dad waiting in the car?”

“No.”

“You’re not going to tell me anything else?”

Rick’s lips formed an unpleasant twist. “You don’t want to know yet. Come on. Let’s get out of here, so we can be private.”

On that mysterious note, Nate followed his brother through freshly fallen snow to the four-wheel-drive Blazer bearing the Eagles’ Nest Ski and Bike Shop logo on the side. He tossed his duffel in the back seat and walked around to the front passenger door.

Nate had to admit he was relieved that Rick had come alone. Nate wasn’t ready to be united with his father yet. The deep lines of grief carved in the older man’s sunbronzed face before they’d closed the casket still kept him awake nights.

For the two hours it would take to reach Copper Mountain, he and Rick could discuss how they were going to proceed from here.

Their mother had been their father’s soul mate, his joie de vivre. Since the funeral, the fear that he might never recover had haunted both brothers.

It hadn’t helped that after her burial, the demands of Nate’s career had forced him to leave his desolate father. Having just returned from another long deployment with NATO forces, he’d been told to report to Edwards Air Force Base in California to get checked out in the MATV jet.

A couple of the guys had flown there in their Vipers to act as bandits. For several weeks, they did tactical fighting before he was sent to Holland. When he was on the ground there, he’d concentrated on his studies of Dutch for the exchange pilot program. Throughout that period there’d been little time to devote to his father’s mental state.

Rick had left the day after Nate for Phoenix, Arizona, the U.S. headquarters for Mayada auto manufacturing, based in Kyoto, Japan. On the professional Formula I racing circuit for the Japanese, he’d accumulated an impressive number of wins around the world.

The heavy demands on his time meant he’d found it as difficult as Nate to keep in close touch with their dad.

Through sporadic, unsatisfactory phone calls to him and to each other, it became clear to both of them that their father wasn’t doing well. Without the woman who’d been his life’s partner in every conceivable way, he’d changed dramatically from the man he’d once been. Even the business they’d run together had started to fail.

Before her death, their father had always displayed an indomitable will, or so Nate had thought. There were Olympic medals and world championship medals for alpine skiing events hanging on the wall in the den. They provided evidence of their parents’ remarkable talents and shared zest for life.

To Nate’s chagrin, her untimely passing had sent their father into a sharp decline. The fear that he might remain in a permanent state of mourning had alarmed Nate enough to cut short his flying career and come home.

On his own, Rick had made the same decision. No one could bring their mother back, but they could try to bring a little happiness to their father’s life. Not only that, Rick had chosen to give up his racing career in order to help salvage their parents’ business, with its inevitable highs and lows.

Nate rubbed his face. He badly needed a shave. Rick looked like he could use one, too.

“Okay.” He nudged his brother’s shoulder. “Let’s have it.” They’d left Colorado Springs and were headed for Copper Mountain on Highway 9. The road was one continuous ribbon of black ice, but Nate never worried when Rick was at the wheel. “I’m assuming Natalie didn’t take the news well. How soon will she be joining you?”

“I’m afraid I didn’t invite her along.”

He turned in his brother’s direction. “Why not? I thought you two were destined for something serious.”

“So did I at first. There’s a strong attraction between us, but—”

“But it never did feel right,” Nate finished the thought.

“No. What about you and Kari?”

“She’d never be happy in the U.S. It just wouldn’t have worked for us.”

“It’s the ‘feel right’ part neither of us has found yet,” Rick muttered.

Nate glanced at him, nodding. “We’re quite a pair, you know that?”

He expected some sort of response from his brother, but nothing was forthcoming. “Rick? You’ve kept me in suspense long enough.”

His brother’s solemn gaze swerved to him. “It’s Dad. When was the last time you talked to him?”

“Two weeks ago, before our wing was deployed on a mission. We didn’t return until yesterday.”

“What was he like on the phone?”

“Preoccupied more than anything.”

“At least you talked to him. After my race last Wednesday, I called him from England. There was no answer so I called the ski shop. Jim said he’d gone to Denver and wouldn’t be back for the rest of the week.”

“What’s in Denver?”

“I asked him the same question. He claimed to have no idea. I sensed he was being evasive about something.”

Jim Springmeyer had worked for their parents ten years. “That means he was covering for him. Not a good sign,” Nate said. “In Dad’s frame of mind—”

Rick broke in. “Since I couldn’t reach you, I decided to fly home from London early. I thought I’d give him a surprise.”

Nate’s patience had run out. “And?”

A strange sound escaped Rick. “I’m afraid I’m the one who got the surprise. You could say I received the shock of my life.” His voice was unsteady.

“You’re not about to tell me he’s turned to drinking—” The facetious comment wasn’t meant to be taken seriously. It disturbed him that he couldn’t get his brother to lighten up a little more.

Rick shook his head. “Sorry. You’re not even close.”

Nate’s chest tightened. “Just spit it out!”

“When I walked through the house, I found our father in the kitchen. He wasn’t alone….”

Nate noticed his brother’s strong grip on the steering wheel. His knuckles had gone white from the pressure.

“Rick—”

“He had this woman in a clinch by the sink.”

A clinch? What?

Nate blinked.

“They were so far gone, they never saw or heard me. I don’t know how I did it, but I managed to tiptoe back to the living room before calling out to Dad that I was home.”

The picture those words conjured up plunged Nate into a different realm of pain than he’d ever experienced before. The kind only a parent can inflict on his child.

“This soon after Mother?” he whispered.

“It gets worse. After dad brought her into the living room and introduced us, he announced that they’re engaged to be married. They’d gone to Denver to pick out her ring.”

Nate felt like he’d gone into an inverted dive and had waited too late to pull out of it.

“Dad said he was glad I’d decided to come home for a surprise visit because that saved him having to phone me with the news.”

“If this woman is someone Mom and Dad knew before the accident, I don’t wa—”

“Noooo. She’s a Texan who came to Colorado a month ago because of a friend’s wedding reception. Apparently she’s never been on a pair of skis. While she was shopping for sunglasses in the ski shop, Dad challenged her to get out on the slopes and try it. He gave her a few lessons, and things went from there.”

At fifty-three, their father was still an attractive man—and he could still outski the best skiers in the area. As early as sixteen he’d been on the U.S. ski team. By the time he’d met their mother five years later, he’d garnered many wins. They were married soon after, and within a year she was pregnant with Nate. People commented on their devotion to each other.

She’d been gone such a short while, it simply hadn’t occurred to Nate that his father would be interested in another woman. Not this soon anyway. The idea of his marrying again…

“Are you still with me?”

“Yes,” Nate murmured, utterly staggered by the news. “Is she divorced, widowed, what?”

“Ms. Pamela Jarrett has never been married. She lives and works on a ranch outside Austin, Texas.”

“What I’m hearing doesn’t make any sense.”

“It does to Dad. Hell, Nate—she’s only eleven years older than I am.”

With a little calculating, Nate realized she was fourteen years younger than their mother had been when she’d died.

“Dad looked so different from the man we saw at the funeral, it’s like another person’s inhabited his body. It made me feel…weird. You know?”

Nate understood exactly what his brother was trying to say. They’d been so busy establishing their own careers, neither of them had settled down to marriage for the first time. Yet their father was already jumping into a second marriage with a younger woman he’d barely met.

“Does Ms. Jarrett know Dad doesn’t have any money except what’s tied up in the business?” Nate’s flare of anger couldn’t be held back. He was stunned to think his father could replace his mother with another woman this quickly.

“I asked him that in private. He told me not to worry about it. She lives on her own piece of the Jarrett ranch.”

His head jerked toward his brother. “What the hell could he be thinking?”

“It’s gone beyond thinking. Our father has the hots for her.” Rick sounded as embittered as Nate felt.

The hots. It was a term younger guys used all the time. But when it was applied to their own father, a man Nate had loved and revered all his life, it sounded crude, distasteful.

“If it’d been anywhere but our home…”

Rick seemed to be reading his mind. “That’s what we get for planning to surprise him,” Nate told him.

“Sorry, man, but I never thought the day would come when I wouldn’t feel free to walk into the house where we were born and raised.”

“You forget we grew up and went away. Isn’t there an old saying that you can never go home again?” Nate was still trying to process these painful new facts. “What’s she like?”

“As different from Mom as you can get.”

His eyes closed tightly. What had happened to love everlasting? “Go on. I’d rather hear it all now and get it over with.”

“Pamela’s a petite brunette. She’s got that Texan drawl.” He shrugged. “She’s nice enough I suppose.”

Anja Soderhelm Hawkins had been a tall, beautiful, athletic blonde. Sometimes when their dad had teased him or Rick because they hadn’t found the right women to marry yet, he’d comment that their mother was probably a difficult act to follow. They’d have to look long and hard to find anyone as perfect.

Interesting how it had only taken him six months to find perfection again.

Texans flocked to Colorado in the winter. When Nate and Rick were growing up, they’d always found a Texan accent amusing, especially on the women who seemed to stuff more words into one minute than any other female they’d encountered. Since neither of their parents were verbose people, Nate couldn’t imagine his dad with a fast-talking Texan.

“Dad’s thinking of moving to the ranch with her, and leaving the house and business to us.”

Nate hadn’t seen that blow coming. His eyes smarted with tears, and he realized that home as he’d known it no longer existed. It made the moment surreal.

He darted Rick a searching glance. “How are you handling it?”

“I’m not.”

“Well, that makes two of us.”

“Dad’s got to be out of his mind!”

“Have they set a date?” Though it nearly killed him, Nate had to ask.

“While they were in Denver, they talked about getting married in Las Vegas. That is, as soon as you and I give the okay. When I told him you were arriving tonight, Dad looked kind of relieved.”

Nate could think of nothing to say.

“Dad said he would’ve told us about Pamela sooner,” Rick went on, “but he’s been putting it off, since he knew our feelings must be pretty raw because of Mom.”

“He’s right about that. Good grief—she has to have some kind of hold over him. We left him alone too long after Mom died. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s had a nervous breakdown and this woman’s taking advantage of his vulnerability.”

After a few moments’ silence, Rick eventually spoke. “As I see it, there’s only one reason Dad would want to act this fast.”

Nate’s thought had been the same. “No matter what, we’re not going to let him run off to Nevada because he’s afraid she might already be pregnant,” he said. “None of our family’s friends or acquaintances would understand. Dad will have to arrange to be married here.”

“Just not at our house,” Rick whispered. This time there were tears in his voice.

“No,” Nate concurred. Not at the home where their close-knit family had once known happiness. “There’s always Vale or Breckenridge.”

Rick cleared his throat. “You know something? Seeing them in the kitchen where he and Mo—”

“Don’t say it.” Nate couldn’t imagine what that must’ve been like for Rick.

His brother pounded his fist against the steering wheel. “I saw Dad’s car out in front. I had no idea what I was walking in on when I let myself into the house.”

“Neither of us could have foreseen this.”

“I don’t know about you, but suddenly I feel…old.”

“I know what you mean.”



“LAUREL? Phone’s for you.”

Laurel Pierce was lying on the couch in the den with her legs propped up. She put down the baby magazine she’d been reading. “I hope it’s Mom.” She mouthed the words as her sister walked into the room and passed her the cordless.

Julie shook her head. “Scott’s mom,” she mouthed back.

Laurel groaned.

“You can’t keep ignoring her. Just talk to her for a minute and get it over with,” her sister whispered.

Julie was right, of course. For the last half year, Laurel had asked her sister to screen her calls and make excuses when she couldn’t face talking to certain people on the phone. It had become a habit and it wasn’t fair to Julie.

She put the phone to her ear. “Hi, Reba.”

“Laurel, dear. Finally! I’ve made several attempts to call you, but it seems like you’re never there. We haven’t heard from you in over a week!”

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s been busy around here with the kids coming and going to music classes and ski lessons. Didn’t Mom tell you everything was fine at my last appointment with the obstetrician?”

“Yes, but it’s not the same as hearing the details from you,” Reba said in a hurt voice. “Have you changed your mind about not wanting to know if you’re having a boy or girl?”

“No. I’d rather be surprised.”

“That’s too bad. It limits the choice of colors for baby gifts. We’re planning a big shower for you, but we can’t mail the invitations without a date. How soon are you leaving Denver to come home?”

Guilt weighed Laurel down. How many times had she heard that question over the last few months? She flashed her sister a look of distress.

Philadelphia was the city where she’d been born and raised, where she’d gone to high school and met Scott. But being married to an Air Force man for ten years had taken her to so many places around the globe, no one spot felt like home anymore—Philadelphia least of all, now that Scott was dead.

More than eleven months had passed since the last time she’d curled up in his arms. Little had she known that after he’d left the next morning for a long deployment with NATO forces, those arms would never hold her again….

Thank heaven she’d been able to get through to him before the air show and tell him the implant had worked. They were expecting.

The joy in his voice was her final remembrance of him before word came that he’d crashed. If she could be thankful for one thing, it was that he went to his death knowing she was pregnant with his baby.

She hadn’t wanted to adopt until they’d tried every other option, including fertility drugs. In vitro fertilization had been their last resort. The doctors had made several attempts to fertilize her eggs using his frozen sperm; finally an embryo had been implanted and the procedure was successful.

It helped her more than anyone could know that their final communication over the phone had brought them closer than they’d been in a long time. They’d expressed their love and had talked about a future that included this unborn child. The three of them would be a family, and Scott would become a father, as he’d always wanted.

She had military friends who’d lost husbands or wives during difficult periods in their marriages. Some still grieved because their last words to each other had been said in anger.

When all was said and done, Laurel felt very blessed. Although the demands of Scott’s career had taken him away a lot, the times they’d spent together she would cherish forever. It was true that if she’d had a child, the periods when he was gone wouldn’t have felt so long and lonely. But all of that was in the past now.

“Laurel?”

“Yes?”

“Why didn’t you answer my question? You only have four weeks left. Scotty arrived ten days early.”

I know. I know it all.

“That doesn’t leave much room for a party, dear.”

The time had come to drop her bombshell. Her gaze clung to Julie’s for moral support.

“You’re right, Reba, but my doctor says it’s too late to fly anywhere now.”

Her sister broke into a smile and gave her a thumbs-up. Before her mother-in-law could react, Laurel decided to get it all said. It was long past time.

“Realistically speaking, I won’t be able to travel anywhere until after my delivery. Why don’t we plan on a shower once I’ve had my six week checkup in May? I’ll fly out with the baby and take turns staying with you and Mom.”

“But that’s months away! I don’t understand you, Laurel. You’ve changed since the funeral. Have you stopped loving us?”

She closed her eyes tightly. “Of course not, Reba. I’ll always love you and Wendell. You’re my baby’s grandparents.”

“But you don’t want to be around us.” Underlying her mother-in-law’s accusation, Laurel felt her pain.

She put her feet to the floor and sat up. “It isn’t that. But I’ve had to face the fact that Scott’s never coming back.”

Those words needed to be said. She’d heard other pilots’ widows say them after the healing process had begun. Now she was able to say them herself.

“I’ve found that being away from reminders of him has made this period easier to bear. Being with Julie and her family in new surroundings—knowing my baby is almost here—everything’s helped me get over the worst of my grief.”

It was true. Six months ago she hadn’t thought it possible.

Julie’s eyes turned suspiciously bright.

“What about our family’s pain? Did you ever consider how much we’ve needed you?”

“Yes.” She swallowed hard. “The only thing that’s helped me in that regard was knowing you and Wendell still have each other and your other children and grandchildren for comfort.”

“So you’re cutting us out of your life. Is that it?”

“You know that’s not true! I told you I’ll come for a visit in May.”

“And then what?”

That was a good question, one for which Laurel had no answer.

“I don’t know yet.” She eyed her sister once more. “In the meantime, I’m in the happiest place I could be while I wait for this baby.”

It was Julie and her husband, Brent, who’d understood Laurel’s need for space—and for different surroundings—while she grieved.

Of her three married sisters, Julie, the oldest, was the one with whom Laurel had always felt a special bond. Over the years they’d kept in almost constant touch through phone calls, e-mails and the occasional visit when she and Scott were stationed in Okinawa and in Spain.

To her undying gratitude, they’d told her they were taking her back to Colorado with them where Brent worked for a nationwide telecommunications company. Their two-story colonial house in Aurora had more than enough room for her and their boys.

Coming on the heels of Scott’s funeral, their offer had rescued Laurel from the Pierces, whose well-meaning attention was suffocating her. She didn’t think she would have survived otherwise.

“Please try to understand, Reba. Please be happy that you’re going to be grandparents again very soon. Scott would want it this way.”

“Our son would be shocked to know his wife has purposely stayed away from us.”

It was no use. Laurel couldn’t make her understand that it was too soon to be around his family with all the attendant memories.

“I’m sorry you feel hurt. That’s not my intent.”

She heard Reba gearing up for the next volley. “When you’re a mother, maybe then you’ll begin to understand. I think it might be better if we don’t talk for a few days.”

“I’ll call you soon. I promise.”

“I don’t think you realize how much you’ve changed, Laurel. You’re not the same girl our son fell in love with.” There was a click.

I’m not a teenager anymore, Reba.

Laurel had married Scott as soon as she’d graduated from high school. Her plans to become an elementary school teacher had to be put on hold to accommodate his career. She’d been a very young bride, too young to recognize what life in the military really meant. Scott never gave it a thought. Being a top gun provided him with the continual thrills and excitement he craved.

He’d been the youngest of five children, all of whom were now married and living in or near Philadelphia. With hindsight, Laurel could see that his parents had never gotten over losing him to the Air Force.

It was a case of arrested development on their part, she decided. They were the proud parents of an outstanding son who’d left home too soon. They were stuck in the past.

Laurel couldn’t help them with that.

It was the reason she didn’t want to live around them on a permanent basis. Nothing was going to restore Scott to life. She refused to let her child become the focus of their unassuaged longing to have their son back.

Primarily because of that, she hadn’t let the ultrasound technician tell her the sex of her baby.

Secretly she was praying for a girl. A sweet little girl who wouldn’t be the embodiment of the son they’d doted on before Scott left home.

Scotty, their thrill-seeking, daredevil son. Scotty, who’d taken Laurel’s heart on a roller-coaster ride around the world before it all came to a screeching halt decades sooner than they’d expected.

“Laurel?” her sister said. “Are you all right?”

Suddenly back in the present, she turned off the phone and stood up. “No,” she said in a quiet voice. “It was awful. I hated hurting her.”

“But you had to do it.” Julie hugged her as best she could, considering Laurel’s pregnancy. “I’m proud of you.”

“I’m pretty proud of myself. When I first met Scott’s mother, I couldn’t imagine ever talking to her the way I just did. I love his parents a lot, but they have this way of taking over, you know?”

Her sister winked. “That’s probably why Scott went into the Air Force.”

“You mean to get away from them?” Soon after she’d married Scott, the same thought had crossed Laurel’s mind, but she would never have voiced it aloud.

“Maybe. If you’ve noticed, the rest of their children haven’t been as courageous.”

“That’s because they didn’t inherit Scott’s genes.”

“Nope. He came into this world with attitude.”

In spades.

That was probably why the guys in his squadron had nicknamed him Spade. When he walked into a room, he energized it. According to his parents he’d always been that way. They would never overcome their loss.

She bit her lip. “Julie—I know I’ve been a burden to you and Brent. Maybe—”

“Oh, no, you don’t!” her sister cut in before she could walk out of the room. “Reba’s made you feel guilty again. I’m not listening to any of this,” she called over her shoulder.

Laurel had to hurry to catch up with her. She followed her through the door to the kitchen. Brent was just coming in the back door from doing errands. Julie ran to give her attractive, sandy-haired husband an enthusiastic kiss.

“Now that you’re here, will you please tell my sister she’s not a burden? A few minutes ago her mother-in-law laid an enormous guilt trip on her. That was after Laurel told her she wouldn’t be returning to Philadelphia until May for a visit.”

“Well, what do you know? You did it!” Brent grinned. “You want me to phone and tell her you’re the best baby-sitter we ever had? Julie and I get a honeymoon weekend whenever we want. And—” he made an expansive gesture “—because of you, Julie’s been able to take a part-time job so we can build our dream home that much sooner. I’d say we’ve been taking advantage of you.”

Without hesitation Laurel crossed the room and hugged both of them. “I love you guys. You’ll never know how much.”

“We love you, too,” he said. “In fact, I’d like to show our appreciation for all the help you’ve given us. Since I have to drive up to Breckenridge to pick up the kids, why don’t we all go?”

“I’d love it!” Laurel blurted. After the difficult session with her mother-in-law, she needed something to wipe that depressing conversation from her mind.

Julie frowned. “I don’t know. Three hours up and back in the car might be a little much for you at this stage.”

“Not if we spend the night to break it up,” Brent reasoned.

“That’s a terrific idea! Now we don’t even have to fix dinner.” Julie smiled and nudged her sister.

“The boys are going to be as excited as I am,” Laurel responded, smiling too. What a nice way to end their week at ski camp.”

“Good. I’ll call the Rustler Lodge and make reservations for a suite.”

“It’s Saturday, my love. With Snowfest on, I’ll bet there won’t be any rooms available.”

“Oh, yes, there will, my love. Harry Wilke’s daughter runs the desk.”

“You’re kidding! Isn’t he your regional supervisor?”

“That’s right. Getting that last account put me on his good side. He told me she’d do us a favor anytime.”

Brent grabbed the phone directory from the drawer and reached for the cordless Julie had brought back to the kitchen.

“Come on, Laurel. Let’s get packed. We’ll have to throw in some extra clothes for Mike and Joey.”

“I’ll do it,” she offered as they hurried through the house to the stairs. Since her arrival, one of her self-appointed jobs besides chief cook on the days Julie went to work was to do the wash and fold clothes. She knew exactly where to find everything the boys would want.

It didn’t take long for the three of them to get ready.

When Laurel walked through the back door to the garage with Julie, Brent was putting their skis on the rack. He glanced up, then whistled.

“Hey, people are going to be jealous when they see me with two beautiful raven-haired women.”

Laurel burst into laughter. “Thanks for making this ten-ton-Tessie feel so good. I was just telling your wife how terrific she looks in the red sweater you bought her for Christmas.”

“I appreciate it,” Julie said, “but my husband’s right. In that black sweater coat, you look wonderful.”

“Thanks, Julie.”

Laurel was still smiling as he packed their overnight bags and snow gear in the trunk. Soon he’d reversed the car out of the garage and they were off.

Laurel hadn’t left the house all day. It felt liberating—exciting—to be going on a brief vacation. She was looking forward to the drive and to seeing the boys. At eight and ten years of age, they were still delightful. Laurel adored her nephews.

Two hours later, she had to ask Brent to pull in to the nearest gas station at Copper Mountain. “Sorry, guys. I was hoping we wouldn’t have to make a rest room stop, but I’m afraid we do.”

“No problem.”

After a few minutes, they were on the road again. Within another half hour they’d reached the Rustler Lodge in Breckenridge. Brent drove up to the waiting area in front of the entrance, then turned to his wife.

“Tell you what. I’ll grab a couple of bags and take Laurel inside so she can stretch. Then I’ll come back and we’ll find the boys over at the lift. We’ve timed this just right. It ought to be closing in about ten minutes.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Let’s go register.” Brent got out of the car and collected some of the luggage, then walked her into the lodge.

Before long, one of the people at the desk had checked them in. Brent handed Laurel a key card and kept the other for himself. They strolled down the hall to the elevator.

They had to hurry to reach the next one going up; there was just enough room for the two of them to slip inside before the door closed. At the dinner hour, it was filled with people wearing everything from ski outfits to formal evening dress.

“It’s all settled, Brent. The kids will sleep with me tonight. The girl in reception said there was a sofa with a hide-a-bed in my room.”

“You’re sure you don’t mind?” Brent sounded so thrilled at the thought of being alone with his wife, she couldn’t wait to tell her sister.

“How can you even ask me that?” She kissed his chin rather than his cheek because it was as far as she could reach with her baby protruding. He gave her an affectionate hug before the door opened to the third floor.

“This is where we get off. After you.”




CHAPTER TWO


DURING THE SHORT RIDE to the third floor, Nate’s eyes had been drawn to the chin-length, wavy black hair on the woman dressed in the black sweater. She was standing at the front of the crowded elevator.

He had to cock his head to the side, the better to examine its glistening quality brought out by the ceiling light. In Europe he’d only seen hair with that high a gloss on a few Italian and Spanish women.

When she turned to kiss her companion, Nate caught sight of her attractive profile, the contrast of sooty black lashes against ivory skin. In that moment he had the strongest impression he’d seen her before.

As the man put his arm around her and ushered her into the hall, Nate saw that she was pregnant. Then she was gone.

The elevator continued on to the dining room atop the Rustler Lodge. The door opened and everyone exited. Everyone except Nate…

He was supposed to be joining the private wedding party of twenty for dinner. A live band was playing, and all the elements were in place to make it a festive occasion.

After driving the newlyweds from the little white chapel a few streets over, he’d parked the car while Rick accompanied their father and the second Mrs. Hawkins into the lodge.

Though he and his brother had tried their hardest to be accepting of their father’s marriage, they were simply going through the motions.

But for the moment all thoughts of the day’s events left his mind because he suddenly remembered where he’d seen that lovely face before.

Though he’d only met Spade’s wife once, back when she was at Nellis years ago, a man didn’t forget a beautiful woman like that.

Her hair had been long then. With her pictures plastered on the wall of their barracks—along with other family photos—every guy in their first squadron was envious of Spade’s luck. Only two of the fourteen were married at the time.

Nate closed his eyes.

Spade…the hotshot of the group who’d been noticed by the brass right away and was transferred too soon to suit Nate. Spade…whose career had escalated too fast, who’d died in the prime of life…

The expectant mother in the elevator couldn’t possibly have been his widow. When he’d crashed and died six months ago, Nate knew his friend’s only regret was that he and his wife had never been able to have children.

The news of his death didn’t reach Nate until after he’d flown back to Edwards Air Force base following his mother’s funeral. By then it had been too late to attend the services for him in Philadelphia.

Nate had tried to reach his wife by phone, but a family member explained that she wasn’t up to talking yet. Nate understood; she would have been inconsolable. There was no greater guy than Spade.

Needing to communicate that sentiment to her, Nate had expressed his feelings in a letter, which he mailed to her family’s address.

As for anything else, all he’d been able to do was send money to Duce, another buddy, who’d arranged for flowers on behalf of all the guys in their old squadron.

A month later, Nate received a printed thank-you card. At the bottom was a handwritten postscript telling him she would always cherish his tribute to her husband.

Seeing the woman in the elevator who bore such an uncanny resemblance to her reminded Nate that he still had unfinished business. Tomorrow he’d phone Spade’s widow in Philadelphia and see how she was doing.

He imagined she was still going through hell. Theirs had been a love affair that had begun in high school and would have lasted a lifetime. Spade had been crazy about her.

After graduating from the Air Force Academy, pilots earned the right to have their names and call signs painted on their first F-l6s. Their group gave Spade a hard time with his. 016 Laurel, my first and only love.

“Excuse me.”

Nate had been so preoccupied with his memories, he didn’t realize the elevator had descended to the foyer once more, and he was blocking the exit.

“Sorry,” he murmured and stepped out into the hall to make room. But when he would have moved back inside, something stopped him.

As long as he was on the ground floor, it wouldn’t hurt to go over to the front desk and make a simple inquiry.

The pert redhead in reception flashed him a warm smile. “What can I do for you?”

“I’d like to ring Mrs. Scott Pierce on the house phone, but I don’t know her extension.”

“Pierce?” She scanned the screen of her computer. “No.”

She checked it several different ways. “Sorry. There’s no one registered under that name. Is there anything else I can do?”

“That’s all right. Thank you.”

Nate turned away. His first instincts had been right; the woman in the elevator was a look-alike. No doubt the man Nate had seen her kiss was her husband. They were going to have a baby soon.

Spade’s widow would have remained in Philadelphia, where she had the kind of support from two loving families her husband would have wanted for her.

Nate felt a need to expend some energy and opened the door to the stairs. He took them two at a time. But when he reached the third floor, his legs refused to move any farther.

Despite all his logic, he sensed something was wrong. It was exactly the way he’d felt the last time he’d been in action, when he couldn’t raise an immediate response from his wingman during a sortie.

What if, by some stretch of the imagination, that woman had been Laurel Pierce?

Nate recalled the man in the elevator who’d pulled her close to him with such familiarity.

Her lover? If so, the two of them would have checked into the lodge under his name.

Spade had only been gone six months… Before that, he and Nate had been flying with NATO forces, so he couldn’t possibly have been with his wife at the time of conception.

Following those thoughts to their inevitable conclusion, Nate felt the bile rise in his throat. It was like the night Rick had told him their father was getting married again—and yet it wasn’t.

Because the baby couldn’t possibly be Spade’s.

He curled his fingers around the railing, unaware he was cutting off his circulation.

According to the investigators on the scene, his jet had crashed due to mechanical failure. But what if their report was wrong?

Spade had been the true pride of the Air Force. The best of the best. They’d wanted to show him off in that air show before he flew to England for a long-awaited reunion with his wife.

What if one of the guys had tipped him off that she’d been having an affair? What if he hadn’t been able to handle her betrayal?

You thought you knew someone inside out. But did anyone know how a man would react if he learned that the wife he worshipped had been sleeping with someone else?

Nate felt a spasm of pain at the thought that his friend might have been suffering such agony he’d actually become suicidal.

Horrified by his own gruesome speculation, he realized there was nothing he could do about it, even if she was enjoying a full-fledged affair with the guy in the elevator.

Perhaps they were married now.

Maybe he was her second husband.

Why not? It had been six months. Apparently it was the season for throwing off the old.

To hell with enduring love.

He sprinted the rest of the way to the restaurant. When he approached the table in the corner by the picture windows, Rick sent him a “what’s up?” glance.

The wedding party, consisting of their dad’s closest friends, had already reached the main course. Jim and his wife sat to one side of Rick, Nina Farr and her husband on the other. Those two couples were the people running the day-to-day business. They nodded to Nate.

His father gazed at him anxiously. Nate could see the pleading in his eyes. Nate couldn’t stand it that their lives had come down to this—a furtive look that begged forgiveness.

Nate didn’t have to forgive his father. In fact, forgiveness didn’t enter into it.

This was life.

This was the real stuff of which life was made. Apparently, the last thirty years had merely been a prelude.

He found his chair opposite Rick and sat down. “I’m sorry to be so long, everybody. I got stuck in the elevator.”

It was as good a lie as any. In a way, it wasn’t really even a lie. The elevator had become his prison for those few minutes of bitter reflection.

Pam’s expressive brown eyes were compassionate. “That happened to me once at Nieman Marcus. There was a claustrophobic woman who became hysterical. It was a dreadful experience, so I know how you feel.”

She spoke the truth. It had been dreadful. He wanted to put it behind him. He wanted to put Pam at ease.

Nate had come to the same conclusion as Rick. Pam was a nice person. So far he hadn’t been able to find anything wrong with her. Like the rest of them, she’d been trying hard.

He smiled at her. “How about a dance? That is, if Dad says it’s all right.”

His request caught his father off guard. Once he’d cleared his throat, he nodded, then said, “I’ll tell the waitress to bring your dinner.”

Nate couldn’t possibly eat right now, but all he said was, “Thanks.” Getting to his feet, he went around to Pam’s chair to help her up from the table.

She was a little thing. He felt as if he was twirling a pixie around the floor. It shouldn’t have surprised him that she was a good dancer. Nothing ought to surprise him anymore.

“I love your father,” she declared in a quiet voice. “Only time will tell if he learns to love me.” Nate almost missed a step. “I hear that my family’s already laid bets on how soon he leaves me. That’s the reason I didn’t ask any of them to the wedding.”

Without stopping for breath she said, “If I were in your shoes, I couldn’t have accepted what’s happened with the kind of grace you and Rick have shown. It’s another testimonial to the exceptional parents you’ve had.

“Maybe you don’t want to hear this, but I feel strongly that you need to know the truth about something. On your father’s insistence, we haven’t slept together yet. In fact, I’ve never stayed overnight at your house. I realize you don’t need me to tell you he’s a very special man, but I had to say it anyway.”

Nate’s memory of Texas women had been right. She could pack more words into a few minutes than any other woman he’d ever met. In this case he was glad.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

On impulse he gave her a hug. The first one he’d felt like giving her. She relaxed in his arms as they continued around the dance floor.



LAUREL HAD STARTED to put another piece of prime rib in her mouth when she saw him.

He was out of uniform, but it had to be Nate Hawkins.

Scott had introduced them years ago in Nevada. He was the one who’d written her such a touching letter. With so many people to thank after the funeral, she’d sent only printed notes expressing her gratitude. He had deserved much more.

Over the years she’d collected hundreds of photos and several dozen videos immortalizing her husband’s career in the Air Force. They were packed away in storage. The attractive man on the dance floor was in most of the early pictures.

Scott had said his best buddy in their first squadron was originally from Colorado. She didn’t think she could be mistaken.

Putting down her fork, she leaned toward her brother-in-law. “Brent? Would you do me a favor and dance with me quick?”

“I thought you didn’t want to dance because your stomach was too big,” said Joey, their youngest.

“Joey!” his mother admonished him.

“You mean right this second?” Brent was in the process of devouring his sirloin steak.

“Yes. Otherwise it might be too late.”

Julie gave her a quizzical look.

Brent must have sensed it was important. He wiped his mouth with his napkin, then got up to assist her.

“See that dark-blond man across the floor dancing with the short brunette? I think I know him. Just get me over there so I won’t look too conspicuous.”

His gaze traveled to her prominent mound. “I’ll try,” he said with a grin.

Brent wasn’t the greatest dancer, but all she needed was a prop to get her to her destination.

The closer they drew, the more she became convinced this was the man who’d flown with her husband at the beginning of their careers, and later during their deployment with the NATO forces. He was the man Scott had admired more than any other.

His back was still toward her, but even his formal midnight-blue suit couldn’t disguise his solid build which had been noticeable in all those old pictures.

When she’d met him, he’d reminded her of an Olympic cross-country skier who could do a 50 K race, like the men from Norway or Sweden with their tall, splendid bodies in the peak of physical condition.

She’d never confided those thoughts to Scott who’d stood five eleven and worked out whenever possible to try and emulate his friend’s appearance. There were some things you didn’t tell your husband.

Laurel was in touching distance of him now. She let go of Brent and put a hand on the man’s arm.

“Hawk? It is you, isn’t it?”

Now it was the other couple who’d stopped dancing.

Like a person who’d just been shot, the man dropped his hands. The woman excused herself before he turned slowly in Laurel’s direction.

It had been nine years since they’d met. Time and experience had refined the rugged good looks she remembered, but the cold blue eyes staring back at her weren’t familiar.

One strong hand closed over his other arm at the wrist. Not a word came out of him. The negative tension he emanated was so palpable she felt unsure of herself and searched for Brent’s hand, gripping it for support.

“You probably don’t remember me. It’s been too many years. I’m—”

“I know who you are,” he broke in before she could say her name or introduce him to Brent. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m attending a wedding party.”

As he strode away from her, she could’ve sworn he muttered “Have a nice life.”

Brent was there to cradle her so she wouldn’t fall. She buried her face against his shoulder for a moment to hide her pain, then pulled away in embarrassment.

“W-would you help me to the elevator, please?”

Ruddy color had filled his cheeks. “That bastard! Who the hell does he think he is to treat you like that?”

“It doesn’t matter. Just dance me over to the entrance. Don’t say anything to Julie or the kids.”

The next few minutes were a blur as he took her all the way to the room. When he would’ve stayed to comfort her, she had to push him out the door to make him leave.

“I’m so sorry to have dragged you from dinner. Go back upstairs and enjoy the rest of the evening with your family. I’m going to take a shower and get into bed. By the time you’re all back, I’ll be fully recovered.”

“Laurel—”

“I feel like a fool and I don’t want to talk about it. You’re a good man. My sister’s the luckiest woman I know. Now go.”

“All right, but we won’t be long.”

The second he’d gone, she crept over to the bed and lay on her side.

No one had ever treated her as cruelly as Hawk had done a few minutes ago.

She felt as if he’d lifted her from the ground and thrashed her against a wall.

Hot tears gushed from her eyes. It had been months since she’d cried like this.

What did Scott or I ever do to you, Hawk?

What?



RICK WALKED into the house ahead of Nate. He flipped on the living room lights, and they stared at each other. “It’s just you and me.”

Nate tugged at his tie before he threw it and his suit jacket over the back of a chair. He missed. Everything fell in a heap on the floor. Not bothering to pick them up, he unfastened the top button of his shirt. It popped off.

Rick’s eyes followed his out-of-control movements. “Want to start by telling me what you and our father’s new bride were talking about on the dance floor? Or shall we cut to the chase? Explain why you looked so ill after you came back to the table.”

His brother deserved explanations if anyone did, but for the life of him he couldn’t find the words.

Lord. Her eyes.

Could a woman who looked that hurt be guilty of the crime he’d accused her of in his heart?

“I couldn’t eat dinner, either, but I feel like a beer,” Rick said. “Do you want one?”

“Yes. Thanks.”

While his brother went to the kitchen, Nate studied the various family pictures their mother had placed around the room. He had his favorites. Like gravity, they pulled him in for a closer look.

“Do you remember the ad on TV?” Rick handed him an ice-cold lager. “The one that said, ‘it’s eleven o’clock. Parents, do you know where your children are?’”

Nate nodded.

“It’s like the roles have been reversed. Children, it’s eleven o’clock. Do you know where your parents are?”

Their eyes met again.

“We don’t have to worry that Pam could be expecting a baby,” Nate began. “Dad chose not to sleep with her until after they’d said their marriage vows.”

Rick did a double take. “She came right out and told you that?”

“She did.” Nate chugged down half the contents of his can. “There’s more.”

In a few minutes he’d told Rick the essence of their conversation on the dance floor.

His brother let out a long whistle. “What if her family’s right?”

“I’ve been asking myself the same question.”

“A few minutes ago I was thinking there’s no more reason for us to be here. Jim hasn’t said anything, but I suspect he’d buy Dad out, given the opportunity.”

“With a good loan from the bank, he could probably do it,” Nate agreed. “The house could be rented.”

Rick sat down on the couch. “I can see we’re on the same wavelength, as usual. But after what Pam told you, maybe there’s a chance Dad doesn’t know his own mind yet….”

“That’s the kicker.” Nate had the strongest suspicion it would break Pamela’s heart. “Under the circumstances, there’s no point in both of us staying here.”

His brother’s head reared up. “I was just going to tell you the same thing! What I’ve been doing for a living is selfish and has little redeeming value. In contrast, my brother protects our country’s freedom and puts his life on the line every time he goes up in the air. Nothing’s more noble than that.”

“We need people to race cars, too. It brings in advertising, which in turn keeps the world economy going.”

“You’re so full of it, you almost convince me.” Rick heaved a sigh. “But it’s a moot point now. When I broke the racing contract with my sponsor, they made it clear I’ve burned my bridges.” He took a moment to drink some of his beer. “Let’s agree to table this discussion until next week, after they’re back from Hawaii.

“Maybe home will feel good to Dad. They might not leave for her ranch right away, if at all. He may need us yet.”

“I suppose anything’s possible.”

Rick leaned forward, hands clasped between his legs. “What else has been tearing you up for the last couple of hours?”

“It has to do with Spade.”

“I’ve lost a close buddy on the track. I don’t think it’s something you ever forget. What made tonight so difficult?”

“His wife was out on the dance floor. Correction. His merry widow.”

His brother frowned at him. “How about a translation?”

“His very pregnant widow.”

“That still doesn’t help me.”

“Not only could Spade never give Laurel a child, we were flying with the NATO forces when the conception would’ve taken place. It’s been less than seven months since the crash. I’ve got eyes in my head. She’s close to her delivery date. Plus, earlier tonight, I saw her kissing another man in the elevator.”

“Ouch.”

“I don’t give a damn about her. But what if Spade called her before his accident and found out she’d been playing around….”

Rick got to his feet. “You can’t assume she had anything to do with the reason he crashed.”

“Why can’t I?” Nate challenged.

“Because pilots like you and Spade are chosen for extraordinary qualities. You’re not as weak as the rest of us, especially when you’re at the controls. Our country’s security depends on you.”

“No pilot or racing pro is a superman, Rick. Every man has his breaking point. We all hope we’ll never have to be tested to that degree. It hurts to think Spade’s wife might’ve been the one ultimately responsible for his death. He really loved her.”

After a long silence, his brother said, “Did you talk to her?”

“It was unavoidable. She approached me.”

“And?”

“In so many words I told her to go to hell.”

Rick shot him a troubled glance. “That doesn’t sound like the brother I know.”

“I’m not the brother you knew.”

“Neither of us knows who we are right now. It’s too soon. Emotions are still too fragile.”

“Since when did you turn into the philosopher?”

“Don’t ask.”

Nate wasn’t about to. He already knew the answer. “If you want to sleep in, I’ll drive Dad and Mom to the airport.”

The second the word slipped out, they both froze.

“I made the same mistake earlier in front of Dad,” Rick confessed. “It’ll probably happen a lot until everything sinks in.”

“Let’s hope you’re wrong.”

“Whether I sleep tonight or not, I plan to go to the airport with you in the morning. Pam seems grateful for the smallest crumb.”

“So does Dad,” Nate said.

Rick’s cell phone rang, disturbing the quiet. He plucked it from the coffee table and glanced at his call display.

“Damn. It’s Natalie.”

“That doesn’t sound like the brother I know.”

Rick raised his head. Their eyes met in brotherly understanding. “Touché.”

“I’ll leave you alone. If something comes up, call me on my cell.”

“Where are you going?”

“After I change clothes, I thought I’d drive over to the ski shop and take a look around. Since Dad missed the buying trip this year, I’m curious to see how low the inventory is.”

“Hang on and I’ll join you. This call won’t take long.”

Nate grabbed his jacket and tie from the floor, then bounded up the front stairs to his old bedroom. Once he’d dressed in jeans and a well-worn sweatshirt, he made his way to the foyer.

Rick was still on the phone.

A disturbing restlessness drove Nate to the den. He turned on the light. Ever since childhood, the framed Olympic medals hanging over the mantelpiece were always the first thing that drew his gaze.

Only once had they been removed from this wall. He’d begged his parents to let him bring the medals to school for “Show and Tell.” Initially they’d refused—out of modesty, he now understood—but they’d given in when they saw how much it meant to him. His teacher and eight-year-old classmates had been duly impressed.

His mother had taken the silver for the women’s downhill. In those same Olympic games, his father had won gold in the giant slalom. That was where they’d met.

Like some of the paired ice-skaters who were husband and wife, his parents’ passion for the sport had led to the grand passion of their existence. Each other. They’d married soon after and decided to live the rest of their lives at ten thousand feet in Colorado’s Rocky Mountains.

Life had been idyllic for Nate and Rick. The family that prayed together, that worked and played together, stayed together. How many times had Nate heard that maxim from the pulpit? He’d always believed it.

The trick was to find one’s soul mate first.

In just one week Nate had decided there was no such thing. Judging by Rick’s savage expression as they met in the hall, he’d reached the same conclusion.




CHAPTER THREE


LAUREL WAVED the family off. “See you at twelve.” She’d driven them over to the lift so they could ski as many runs as possible before noon. Brent wanted to get an early start back to Denver to avoid the worst of the traffic.

By tacit agreement, any reference to last night’s unfortunate incident was avoided. When the family returned to the suite from dinner, Laurel had put on fresh makeup, and she greeted them with a smile. She insisted the boys sleep in her room. Brent and Julie had no choice but to go along with her wishes.

Today was a new day, and she intended to enjoy it. First on the agenda, she’d have a leisurely breakfast in the coffee shop. Afterward she’d drive into town to do a little shopping. Maybe she’d see something cute for a baby girl in one of the stores at the Bell Tower mall.

If she was having a boy, Julie had saved enough baby and toddler clothes to fill every need. Brent had already set up their old crib in Laurel’s room. She was as prepared as she could possibly be.

She pulled into the lodge parking lot and got out of the car. During the night a storm front had moved in, bringing lower temperatures and the threat of more snow. Her breath curled in the air.

Glad of Brent’s old black-and-white parka, which covered most of her, she made her way toward the lodge, hoping no one noticed that she walked like a fat penguin these days.

A line of cars idled outside the entrance. Sunday mornings tended to be the busiest time, with the majority of guests departing. As she walked between two of the vehicles where people were loading their bags, she got the distinct impression she was being watched.

The feeling grew so strong she glanced to her right and caught a glint of blue. The wintry blue of eyes that had condemned her last night. It was Hawk at the controls of a four-wheel-drive Blazer.

There was a logo on the side. Eagles’ Nest Ski and Bike Shop, Copper Mountain. Was it a loan from a friend for the occasion?

Her timing couldn’t have been worse. He’d told her he was with a wedding party. Maybe it had been his own. If so, good luck to his little brunette bride. Any woman foolish enough to marry a man carrying around that much rage—that much cruelty—would need it.

Laurel picked up her pace and walked through the huge glass doors of the lodge. When she reached the coffee shop, it looked filled to capacity. Making a snap decision, she headed back to the suite. It would be easier to order breakfast from there, then visit the mall.

But once inside the room, she discovered she was too angry to eat, let alone shop. She removed her parka and sank down on the bed.

During the night she’d relived the hurtful experience on the dance floor over and over again. No matter how many times she’d tried to analyze it, she couldn’t understand why it had happened. There was no way to reconcile his behavior with what she knew about Hawk.

If he and Scott had suffered a falling-out, she had no idea when it would have occurred. Once her husband had been transferred from Nellis, their careers had taken them to different parts of the world, although they’d always stayed in touch.

Twice there’d been periods where they both served with NATO forces for many months at a time. The most recent had been right before Scott had returned to perform in the air show that had cost him his life. Her husband would have told her if there’d been trouble between them.

Now that she’d recovered from the initial shock of their meeting, she was more curious than devastated by his rudeness. From everything she knew about him, he’d acted out of character last night.

Scott might be gone, but for her own peace of mind she intended to solve the mystery. If some wrong had been done, if Scottie had somehow offended the man he used to idolize, Laurel wanted to know. Perhaps it was too late to make amends, but she could try.

If memory served her right, after seeing action, Hawk had been sent to Edwards Air Force base, then Holland. Duce had mentioned something about his testing jets with the Dutch Air Force. No telling if he was still stationed there.

The fact that he’d come to Colorado for a wedding meant he was only here on leave. If she didn’t act fast, she could miss him before he returned to active duty.

Grabbing the phone directory from the nightstand, she looked up the Eagles’ Nest Ski and Bike Shop. If she couldn’t obtain any information there, she’d try to locate his family.

The local operator could make a search of every Hawkins listed in Colorado, starting with this area of the state.

She picked up the phone, pressed nine for an outside line, then used her phone card to call the number she’d found. There were two rings before the message came on.

“You’ve reached Eagles’ Nest Ski and Bike Shop. We’re open Monday through Saturday, seven to seven. Sundays, seven to one. Come and check out our ski rentals for the whole family. If you wish further assistance, please stay on the line.”

Laurel waited.

“Rental shop. This is Nina.”

“Hello. Excuse me for bothering you, but I’m trying to locate someone I saw driving one of your vehicles this morning. His name is Major Nathan Hawkins.”

“You’ve reached his father’s place of business.”

“Oh, good! May I speak to his father please?”

“I’m sorry. Clint’s out of town.”

“I see. Do you know how I could reach his son?”

“He’ll probably be here on Monday. If you’d like to leave a phone number, I’ll make sure he gets it.”

It didn’t sound as if Hawk had been the bridegroom, after all. Not if he hadn’t gone away on a honeymoon.

“I’m afraid he won’t be able to contact me. At least I know where to call now. Thank you very much for your help.”

Laurel hung up before the other woman could ask for a name. If Hawk did show up and discovered that someone was looking for him, he might think it was Laurel, but he wouldn’t have proof.

She checked the telephone directory once more. Hawkins. Ah, there it was. Clint Hawkins in Copper Mountain.

Laurel wrote down the address and phone number. It was her insurance in case Hawk didn’t want to be found.

Now that she knew he wasn’t leaving Colorado for at least another day, she could relax. In a much better frame of mind, she rang for room service and stretched out on the bed to watch TV until it was time to pick up the family.



WITH SECURITY SO TIGHT at the Denver airport, there was no opportunity to do anything more than deposit the newlyweds at the curb. Nate reached over the seat to squeeze Pam’s arm and wish her a happy trip.

While Rick helped them with their bags, Nate lowered the car window to say goodbye to his father, who’d come around to the driver’s side. He’d always been a strong man. This morning his grip on Nate’s shoulder was almost bruising.

“Thank you, son. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he whispered.

“When we get back, I want to sit down with you and Rick. We’ll talk about everything.”

He nodded. “Sounds good.”

A minute later Rick climbed into the front seat. Nate took advantage of a break in the traffic and headed away from the terminal.

“I don’t think Pam said more than a dozen words on the way down from Breckenridge.”

“She did while Dad was paying the bill.”

Nate turned his head toward his brother. “Problems already?”

“I don’t know what to think. She said she’d been waiting for the right moment to explain why she was at our house the morning I surprised them. Apparently Dad had just picked her up at the Copper Mountain Inn where she’d been staying all month.

“To quote her, ‘Your father and I did a lot of soul-searching on the previous night. The love he felt for your mother poured out of him. All I could do was listen. When he asked me to come to your house for breakfast, I told him I was terrified he was going to say our engagement was a mistake.’”

Rick took a deep breath. “She told me that after they’d eaten and she was helping him with the dishes, he admitted that getting married could be a mistake. But apparently he said it might be an even bigger one if they didn’t find out what there could be between them.”

“That’s interesting,” Nate murmured, “and we know Dad’s traditional enough to insist on marriage, but we still don’t know what she’s all about.”

“Nope, and Dad isn’t the type to tell us something personal about her until he’s ready.”

Nate was about to say their father might never be ready, but his cell phone rang. Curious, he pulled it from his pocket and checked the caller ID. “It’s the ski shop.”

“Already?”

“You heard Dad earlier. We’re in charge now.” He clicked on. “This is Nate. What’s up?”

“Hi, Nate.”

“Nina?”

“I wouldn’t be bothering you if I didn’t think this might be important.”

“Go ahead.”

“A woman phoned the shop a few minutes ago looking for a Major Hawkins. She said she’d seen you driving the Blazer and wanted to talk to you, but she didn’t leave a name or number.”

Laurel Pierce had her nerve, he’d say that much.

“For security reasons I didn’t give out any phone numbers. However, I did tell her you’d probably be in the shop sometime tomorrow. In case it was someone from the military, I thought you should know.”

“Thanks, Nina. You did exactly the right thing. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He clicked off the phone, then gave his brother a speaking glance. “Spade’s wife is looking for me.”

“After the way you treated her, you’re not really surprised, are you?”

“I thought you were on my side.”

“Always.”

“She knows I know her secret. It appears the woman has no shame.”

“I agree it looks that way,” Rick murmured.

“It is that way.”

“What are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing. If she has the temerity to show up at the ski shop, it’ll be a wasted trip for her. I didn’t tell you I saw her this morning while you were inside getting Dad.”

“Did she try to talk to you again?”

“No, but then I didn’t encourage it.”

Rick eyed him for a moment before turning his head away.

Nate saw his brother rummage in his pocket for something.

“Here. I picked these up in the lodge.” Rick handed him a candy bar. “What do you say we go home and take a couple of runs on Eagles’ Nest for old times’ sake?”

“You’re on.” An afternoon tearing the mountain apart wasn’t like taking to the sky, but it would do. Anything to put off thinking for a little while.

Within an hour they’d returned to Copper Mountain. After they’d donned their old ski outfits and Laplander hats, they went to the laundry room off the kitchen, where their mom had made a place for the family to store their skis and poles.

Her favorite pair of G-41 Vokyls were still there, as if waiting for her to grab them for a quick run. Nate noticed his brother staring at them for a moment before he reached for his own.

One of these days they would stop reacting to reminders of her and the avalanche that had come out of nowhere to sweep her and two friends to their deaths.

A series of storms had hit in early September. Carrying their skis, the three women had hiked up in the back country to get the first fresh tracks of the year. Normally fall wasn’t avalanche season. Colorado Search and Rescue speculated that they’d dropped down from a cornice, which had started a massive slide.

It shouldn’t have happened.

Spade’s crash shouldn’t have happened, either.

Nate’s mouth thinned. He collected his skis and poles. “Ready?” he called to his brother.

“As I’ll ever be. Let’s go.”

He followed Rick through the house to the front door. A wind had come up while they were inside, and it had started to snow. They’d be lucky to get in one run before it grew into a blizzard and the lift shut down.

As he stopped to lock the front door, he heard another car pull into the driveway. He turned in time to see a figure get out of the front passenger side. A pregnant figure in black.

Nate froze in his tracks.

She hurried toward Rick who was putting his skis on the rack of their Blazer. If they exchanged any conversation, it was brief. She darted back to the waiting car before Nate could make it down the front steps of the house.

By the time he caught up with his brother, the driver had backed up and headed off.

Rick’s speculative glance swiveled to Nate. “This is for you.” He extended a white envelope. “At first she must’ve thought I was you because she said, ‘for Scott’s sake please don’t tear this up before you read it.’”

“That woman doesn’t know when to quit!”

He’d had about all he could take for one weekend. It was a little late to be using her dead husband’s name to get to Nate. Not that he could figure out why she’d even want to.

“I’ll hold on to it for now.” Rick stashed it in a pocket of his parka while Nate put his skis on the rack. “If we don’t step on it, we won’t be able to ski at all.”



“LAUREL? Are you all right?” Julie called from the back of the car where she was sitting with the boys. Both she and Brent had insisted Laurel ride in front to give her a little extra leg room.

“I’m fine now that I’ve delivered my letter. Thanks for stopping.”

She’d realized too late that she’d approached Hawk’s brother instead of him. Scott had mentioned he had a sibling. They bore a strong resemblance to each other, except that he had gray eyes and they were questioning rather than damning.

It wasn’t until she’d gotten back in the car that she saw another tall figure on the pathway, carrying a pair of skis. That was when her heart jumped.

In truth she was glad it had turned out the way it did. Most likely Hawk would have flung the letter back in her face. This way, at least, there was a chance that his brother might pass it on.

After talking to the salesperson at the ski shop earlier, Laurel knew the woman would tell Hawk about the phone call and he’d disappear in order to avoid her.

The only thing Laurel could think to do was make a surprise visit to his parents’ house. She’d hoped no one would be there so she could stick her letter to the front door with some tape.

“Was that the man who made you cry?”

So much for the kids not knowing what was going on.

“No, Joey. It was his brother.”

“How do you know?”

“Because they look alike, the way you and Mike do.”

“I don’t look like Joey,” Mike muttered.

“Yes, you do,” their mother insisted. “And you both look like your dad.”

“If you have a boy, it’ll look like Uncle Scott, huh, Aunt Laurel?”

“Not necessarily, Joey.” This was from Brent, who hadn’t chosen to interfere until now.

“It might be a girl.”

“We want a boy cousin, Mom.”

Brent grinned. “You should’ve put in your order sooner, Mike. I’m afraid it was decided eight months ago.”

“Who decided it?”

“The father does, Joey.”

“Then Uncle Scott would’ve picked a boy!”

“Your dad didn’t mean the father really decides. Remember in that book we all read together? When the sperm and the egg unite to make a baby, there’s something in the man’s sperm that’ll make it a boy or a girl.”

“But what if we don’t want our sperm to make a girl?” Joey blurted.

Laurel bit her lip to keep from laughing. Like Julie, she felt it was important to teach children the truth using correct terms. However she could see that honesty didn’t necessarily answer all the questions.

“That’s why God’s in charge,” his mother explained.

“You always say that.”

“That’s because it’s true, Mike,” their father said.

“I guess He didn’t want our family to have girls, then.”

“Oh, I don’t know.”

Before Laurel had time to react to Julie’s mysterious comment, Brent had already pulled over to the side of the highway. He turned in the seat to stare at his wife.

“Did you just say what I think you said?” Laurel heard incredulity and excitement in his voice.

Julie’s low chuckle gave her away. “I was going to wait until tonight to tell you.”

“Tell Dad what, Mom?” Mike asked.

Laurel couldn’t resist interjecting. “It sounds like you’re going to be getting a new little brother or sister later on in the year.”

How wonderful, wonderful.

Her sister’s pregnancy had just settled something that had been a big question in Laurel’s mind. After her own baby was born, she’d love to buy a small house in Aurora, so they could all still be close and she could help her sister when the time came for her delivery. They could raise their children together.

But only if Brent felt right about it. He’d put up with her for months now. Maybe he was counting the days until she left their house and Denver for good. No one could have been as terrific to her as he’d been since Scott’s death. To expect more might be assuming too much.

During the rest of the drive home, Laurel remained silent. For the moment she was content to put her head back and listen to the happy flow of conversation from her favorite people.

Every once in a while, she’d sneak a glance at Brent. She wondered if Scott had beamed like that after he’d heard the news about his baby.

Their child was almost here. It moved constantly in the womb, preventing her from finding a comfortable position. Since her seventh month she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep. Yet she reveled in every stage of her pregnancy because she no longer felt alone.



NATE HAD BEEN SKIING in the Alps many times with different friends, but none of them could keep up. Only Rick exceeded him in speed and technique. If his brother hadn’t learned to love car-racing at such an early age, he could have trained for the Olympics, too. He was that good. But then, he was good at everything, just like their parents.

This afternoon, his brother had given him a real workout on Eagles’ Nest.

“That’s our pizza,” Rick said when the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it.”

Following an afternoon of hard skiing, pizza normally sounded good to Nate, but not today. He pulled on his sweats and went to get a couple of Cokes from the fridge.

When he saw a rumpled envelope with the name Hawk written on it stuck to the door with a magnet, he forgot why he’d come into the kitchen.

Hell.

He yanked the refrigerator door open to get the drinks. When he slammed it shut, he did it so hard the magnet and letter fell to the floor.

Much as he wanted to leave it there, he realized he was behaving like an immature child. How could a thirty-year-old man—a man who’d experienced everything he had, including the deaths of family let one insignificant woman’s actions rule his emotions like this?

As if operating in slow motion, he put the cans on the counter, then reached for the letter and magnet. After attaching the souvenir magnet to the door again, he turned the envelope over and opened it. She’d confined her remarks to one page.

Dear Hawk,

I should probably address you as Major Hawkins, but Scott always called you Hawk. That’s the way I’ve thought of you over the years.

My husband admired you greatly. If he did something to ruin your relationship, he wasn’t aware of it or he would have told me.

Since last night I’ve been thinking hard about the way you treated me on the dance floor. No matter how many times I’ve gone over it in my mind, I can’t imagine why you were so cruel, unless you wanted me to know Scott had committed some unpardonable offense.

He’s gone now, so he can’t ask your forgiveness or make amends. I would do both if I knew what was wrong.

It hurts to think that someone Scott loved like a brother still harbors so much bitterness toward him. Whatever it was must have been very serious to wipe out nine years of friendship.

To be frank, I’m still asking myself how you could’ve written such a beautiful letter at Scott’s death, only to show me a completely different side of you last night.

I’m assuming that when your leave is over, you’ll be returning to Holland. The last I heard about you, Duce said you were stationed at Leeuwarden, where you were testing the MLU jet with some other pilots from Norway and Belgium.

If ever the day comes when your anger subsides enough to tell me what went wrong, you can reach me by phone in Denver where I live.

He saw the phone number she’d written.

I guess I’m human enough to want life to be perfect. But as I found out years ago, life takes you down roads you hadn’t planned on traveling.

Wherever your road takes you, Hawk, I wish you luck. I mean that sincerely. Scott’s career in the Air Force wouldn’t have provided the same thrill for him if you hadn’t been a big part of it from the very beginning.

Fly high and watch your tail.

Laurel.

Nate stood there in shock.

If he’d expected anything, it would’ve been defensiveness on her part or an attempt to hide her culpability. Instead, nothing he’d read, either in her words or between the lines, suggested she felt an ounce of guilt.

His eyes closed. Laurel Pierce was a beautiful woman. Even in the last stage of pregnancy she looked as stunning as ever.

Had she always been this amoral?

Scott had married her out of high school. Two years younger than he was, she’d been plucked from her home at an early age. Perhaps it was the long separations from Scott while they were stationed overseas that had made her vulnerable to other men’s attention. One of them had given her a child….

As Nate’s father had once told him, being a hotshot pilot came at a price. If he was determined to have a career in the Air Force, he needed to keep that in mind if he wanted a family too.

At the time Nate had half listened to the warning. Not until now did he grasp the full essence of what his father had been trying to tell him. Though Scott hadn’t let it show, there’d obviously been trouble in the Pierce marriage.

“The pizza’s getting cold.”

His gaze flicked to his brother who’d just entered the kitchen.

“You took so long getting the drinks, I figured you’d decided to read her letter. What did she have to say?”

Nate held it out. “Go ahead. Then you’ll know I was right the first time.”

Rick took it from him.

Not waiting for a reaction, Nate picked up the drinks and headed for the living room, where Rick had set up a game of chess. Their father had taught them well, and only Rick could beat him.

Without their dad around, maybe Nate could outmaneuver his brother for a change. He was in the mood for a challenge.

Halfway through a can of pop, Rick joined him. He was still holding the damn letter.

“Let’s get started,” Nate muttered.

His brother didn’t sit down at the card table. “If she’s as guilty as you think she is, it took guts for her to write that letter after you rebuffed her not once, but twice.”

Rick was beginning to sound like their mother. When there was a problem, she always resorted to logic to make her sons see reason.

“I’m not sure the woman knows the difference between right and wrong.”

“Wouldn’t you like to find out?” His brother was goading him like no one else could—and still get away with it.

“Don’t say anything else, Rick. We’re not little kids anymore.”

“That’s true,” he retorted. “Little kids make wild judgments without the necessary knowledge to back them up. Spade’s wife must really be hurting if she dared face you a third time. It isn’t like you to enjoy someone else’s pain.”

“She’s going to have another guy’s baby. That’s all the knowledge I need. Spade was my friend!” He could feel the veins standing out in his neck.

“But your friendship doesn’t include the woman he loved? Is that what you’re implying?”

“I didn’t know her.”

“You knew her through her husband’s eyes. She knew you the same way. In many respects that’s even more intimate,” he said as he placed the letter on the end table. “If she has anything to confess, it would make sense that you’re the one she’d turn to, given half a chance.”

Nate folded his arms. “Do you want to play chess or not?”

“Are you in the mood to be beaten?”

“Winning too many races has made you cocky.”

Rick straddled the chair and sat down. “Flying too many combat missions has made you ruthless.”

He hadn’t seen that coming. Not from his brother. Nate averted his eyes, wondering if any part of what Rick had just said was true.

The next week was going to be endless for both of them. Until their father returned from his honeymoon, they couldn’t make any definite plans for the future.

“It’s your move, big brother.”

They both knew Rick wasn’t talking about chess.

An hour later Nate still couldn’t concentrate on the game. The two of them looked at each other in resignation before agreeing to call it a night.

Rick pushed himself away from the card table. “See you in the morning.”

Nate nodded to his brother, who left the living room first. His gaze followed Rick before it shifted to the letter. Without disturbing the chess pieces, he got up and plucked it from the end table to read again. One particular paragraph leaped out at him.

My husband admired you greatly. If he did something to ruin your relationship, he wasn’t aware of it or he would have told me.

Her words had kindled his anger the first time around. On second reading, he’d reached flash point.

How dare she pretend Scott had anything to do with Nate’s reaction to her last evening!

His chest heaved as he turned out the lights and dashed up the stairs to his bedroom. When he started to get undressed, he realized he still held her letter. To his surprise, he’d crumpled it completely without being aware of it.

As he tossed it into the wastebasket, he knew exactly what Spade would have done if their positions had been reversed and he’d seen Nate’s supposedly barren widow pregnant with a child that couldn’t possibly be Nate’s.

Spade had been a man of action. You knew where you stood with him. That was where he’d gotten his nickname—the fact that he always called a spade a spade.

Grinding his teeth, Nate walked over to the wastebasket. Slowly he smoothed out the paper to find a certain phone number.




CHAPTER FOUR


THROUGHOUT HER PREGNANCY Laurel hadn’t developed cravings for any particular foods. However she’d always loved peanut butter and plum jam sandwiches. For the last few months she’d enjoyed one every night before going to bed. Tonight was no exception.

While she was putting the bread and jars back in the fridge, the phone rang. She ignored it. At nine-thirty it was probably a business call for Brent, who was in the family room with Julie and the kids watching TV.

A couple of seconds later, her brother-in-law appeared in the kitchen doorway. He wore a grim expression.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s Nate Hawkins.”

Her pulse rate doubled. She stared at Brent. “That’s good news. I wasn’t sure he’d get back to me at all.”

“He hurt you a lot. You’re sure this is what you want?”

“Absolutely. The sooner I get to the bottom of things, the sooner I can put the whole experience away. I’ll answer it in here.” She reached for the cordless phone.

“I’ll go back to the study and hang up.”

“Thanks, Brent.”

He still hadn’t made a move to leave. His protective instincts were out in full measure, and Laurel loved him for being so good to her.

“It’ll be fine,” she assured him.

“I don’t want him to upset you and send you into early labor.”

She smiled. “If I didn’t have a strong constitution, I’d probably have had the baby on Saturday night. Don’t worry. Anything he has to say to me now couldn’t have the same shock value. Trust me.”

“It looks like I’m going to have to. Holler if you need help.”

Laurel nodded, then clicked the “on” button. She put the phone to her ear. “Hello, Hawk? I appreciate your calling me.”

“Any thanks should go to my brother.” She winced. “I know it’s late so I won’t keep you. If you really want to talk, it would be better accomplished in person.”

Clipped and to the point. His hostile attitude was so far removed from the tone of the letter he’d sent her six months ago, she had trouble believing this was the same man.

Over the years, there’d only been a few times when he’d phoned Scott at their base residence and she’d happened to answer the phone first. On those occasions he’d been friendly and polite.

She leaned against the counter, more puzzled than ever. “I was hoping you’d agree to meet me. I live in Aurora. There’s a Fordham’s Pancake House just off the exit for Aurora at Washington Avenue.”

“I know the spot.”

“Good.” Her hand tightened on the receiver. “Depending on your schedule, I could meet you there anytime Tuesday or Thursday of this next week.” Thursday she had an appointment with her OB, but she would change it if she had to. “That is, if you haven’t used up all your leave.”

Those were the days Julie didn’t work. Laurel could borrow her car to drive the short distance to the restaurant. Under the circumstances, she was certain Hawk would prefer meeting her on neutral ground. Laurel felt the same way. She had no desire to involve her family in any further unpleasantness.

“Tuesday’s fine,” he said without hesitation. “Shall we say 10:00 a.m.?”

It was evident he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, too.

“I’ll be there. Thank you for getting back to me so quickly.”

“Make no mistake. I’m doing this for Spade.”

The line went dead.

For Spade? She translated that to mean he wouldn’t have given her the time of day otherwise.

A perplexed Laurel put the phone back on the charger. Without conscious thought she reached for her sandwich, wondering what kind of grievance he could possibly have against her.

Julie soon appeared in the kitchen, watching her anxiously.

Laurel answered her unspoken question. “It appears that Hawk thinks that I’m the one who’s done something unpardonable, not Scott. We’re meeting on Tuesday at Fordham’s where he’ll deliver a few home truths. Ten in the morning, no less.”

“He didn’t give you a clue what’s wrong?”

“No. It reminds me of the story Nana Hayes used to tell us all the time.”

“You mean about Dr. Childers, the university professor who failed her because she thought Nana told the board of regents Dr. Childers smoked?”

“That’s the one. Nana had to go to college another semester and take the same English literature class over with a different professor. She couldn’t graduate with her class and was denied the right to graduate magna cum laude.”

“It’s hard to believe she wasn’t even allowed to meet with Dr. Childers so she could deny the charge to her face. There should have been a board of inquiry.”

“I agree, but sixty-five years ago professional women weren’t supposed to smoke, and the students didn’t have the same rights they enjoy today. Nana never got over being accused and punished for something she didn’t do.”

“I guess Dr. Childers never lived it down, either,” Julie surmised.

“For some reason Hawk’s made me feel the same way. Like I’ve done a terrible thing and there’s no chance of forgiveness.”

“That’s absurd, Laurel.”

“Well, I guess I’ll find out on Tuesday.” She finished the other half of her sandwich, then drank the glass of milk she’d poured. “Let’s hope our meeting has a positive result. I wouldn’t want to go through the rest of my life with this haunting me.”

“He’s really gotten to you, hasn’t he.”

“Yes. Even I’m surprised.” She put the milk carton back in the refrigerator. “I suppose it’s because he and Scott were so close. It makes me wonder how many things my husband shared with Hawk that I don’t know about—things Scott didn’t like about me.”

Julie shook her head. “Scott adored you, Laurel.”

“I know he loved me, but we both had our flaws. Some of mine were glaring. Maybe he complained to Hawk once too often.”

“Name one.”

“After the way I cried because we still hadn’t conceived after our first three years of marriage, he couldn’t understand why I refused to start the adoption process. Maybe deep inside he felt cheated of a family and confided his frustration to Hawk.”

“But Scott knew the fertility specialist hadn’t given up on the idea of the two of you having your own baby. As it turns out, you are going to have Scott’s child!”

“Even so, it might’ve created too much pressure to bear over the years. If Hawk picked up on that, he could resent me for it.”

“What goes on between a husband and wife is no one else’s business!” Julie said staunchly.

“Try telling that to two buddies in combat who depend on each other for their very lives, knowing they might not make it back.” She washed her empty glass. “I would imagine Hawk considers me a very selfish woman.”

“He has no right to judge.”

She flashed her sister a frank glance. “I’m afraid Scott gave him the right. They had their own private brotherhood. Every Air Force wife knows that.”

Julie’s features softened with compassion. “Did Scott exclude you sometimes?”

“Not purposely. But there were occasions when he had to talk something over with Hawk. It wasn’t enough to tell me.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“It’s okay. It goes with the territory when you’re married to a hotshot. If my not wanting to adopt until we were a 100 percent sure we couldn’t have our own children hurt him more deeply than he let on, then I suppose he made it Hawk’s business.”

Julie moved closer. “If he’s holding a grudge against you for something your husband told him in confidence, then he isn’t the terrific guy Scott thought he was.”

“Thanks for saying that. I happen to agree with you. Fortunately for me, I’ll be able to face my accuser as early as Tuesday morning, unlike our poor Nana…” She pasted on a smile. “We’ve come a long way, baby.”

Julie gave her an encouraging hug before they left the kitchen together.



THE FORDHAM PANCAKE HOUSE chain covered Colorado to Oklahoma. Before going overseas, Nate had eaten at several of them. No matter the day or hour, they were always crowded.

He’d arrived at nine-thirty under an overcast sky to give the head waitress his name and get in line so he’d be assured a table.

Earlier he and Rick had grabbed a breakfast of toast and coffee at the house. After dropping his brother off at the ski shop with the promise that he’d be back by noon, Nate left for Denver.




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