The Impossible Vastness Of Us
The Impossible Vastness Of Us
Samantha Young
I know how to watch my back. I'm the only one that ever has.India Maxwell hasn't just moved across the country—she's plummeted to the bottom rung of the social ladder. It's taken years to cover the mess of her home life with a veneer of popularity. Now she's living in one of Boston's wealthiest neighbourhoods with her mom's fiancé and his daughter, Eloise. Thanks to her soon-to-be stepsister's clique of friends, including Eloise's gorgeous, arrogant boyfriend, Finn, India feels like the one thing she hoped never to be seen as again: trash.But India's not alone in struggling to control the secrets of her past. Eloise and Finn, the school's golden couple, aren't all they seem to be. In fact, everyone's life is infinitely more complex than it first appears. And as India grows closer to Finn and befriends Eloise, threatening the facades that hold them together, what's left are truths that are brutal, beautiful and big enough to change them forever…From New York Times bestselling author Samantha Young comes a story of friendship, identity and acceptance that will break your heart—and make it whole again.
“I know how to watch my back. I’m the only one that ever has.”
India Maxwell hasn’t just moved across the country—she’s plummeted to the bottom rung of the social ladder. It’s taken years to cover the mess of her home life with a veneer of popularity. Now she’s living in one of Boston’s wealthiest neighborhoods with her mom’s fiancé and his daughter, Eloise. Thanks to her soon-to-be stepsister’s clique of friends, including Eloise’s gorgeous, arrogant boyfriend, Finn, India feels like the one thing she hoped never to be seen as again: trash.
But India’s not alone in struggling to control the secrets of her past. Eloise and Finn, the school’s golden couple, aren’t all they seem to be. In fact, everyone’s life is infinitely more complex than it first appears. And as India grows closer to Finn and befriends Eloise, threatening the facades that hold them together, what’s left are truths that are brutal, beautiful and big enough to change them forever...
From New York Times bestselling author Samantha Young comes a story of friendship, identity and acceptance that will break your heart—and make it whole again.
The Impossible Vastness of Us
Samantha Young
“What is it you’re hiding?” I asked.
“I can’t tell you. Please just trust me.”
Hurt swept through me
but I tamped it down. It wasn’t
my place to demand Finn’s secrets.
My frustration was suddenly
mirrored in his eyes.
“I wish things were different.”
But they weren’t.
I didn’t know if I was angry
at Finn or just angry that nothing
ever seemed to be easy for me.
Everything was always a fight...
SAMANTHA YOUNG is a New York Times bestselling author who resides in Scotland. Her novels have been published in thirty countries. When Samantha’s not writing books, she’s reading them. Or she’s shoe shopping.
For my amazing agent, Lauren Abramo.
You were my very wise guide on this journey.
It is a tale that would have been quite different without you.
Thank you, my friend.
Contents
Cover (#u721c5a3f-2eb5-564e-b204-dcf49f87b600)
Back Cover Text (#u0ec9ac4d-2dad-5150-99d0-8db8602c01a0)
Title Page (#uf369207b-9ccb-5ee2-b47c-cf300e97562f)
Introduction (#u86e9dfb6-e7da-5f47-88b9-90ba32e7ea1d)
About the Author (#ua7c5af38-37a3-55a0-bfb4-d6c9a3b487fb)
Dedication (#u9089a2e2-e591-5e00-9ba2-b19e0f75b97c)
CHAPTER 1 (#ub2523766-1ecd-5448-b593-4399f2183656)
CHAPTER 2 (#ub470da9b-c651-5048-abe7-9920a3cefdea)
CHAPTER 3 (#udf090f1f-689d-5227-8c13-4eb8a999dc52)
CHAPTER 4 (#uad74d753-34b9-52f7-87b3-6493ed41356e)
CHAPTER 5 (#ucddb02b5-b21c-5e03-b237-18d3d84460ab)
CHAPTER 6 (#ub1a7e30e-4400-58c4-ba82-c484c7f63703)
CHAPTER 7 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 8 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 9 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 10 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 11 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 12 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 15 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 16 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 17 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 18 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 19 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 20 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 21 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 22 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 23 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 24 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 25 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 26 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 27 (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 1 (#u2e87e5b1-71a8-500a-9100-9d4ffe3b0fe2)
“AND WHAT IS THIS?”
Jay and I broke apart from our kiss to find Hayley standing in the doorway. She stood looking young and attractive in her black-and-gold flight attendant uniform, glaring at us.
Her dark brown hair was pulled back in a severe bun that only accentuated her high cheekbones and big dark eyes. Hayley was really pretty and I’d been told I looked a lot like her. Except for the eyes. I had his eyes. People told me all the time how amazing my eyes were. I would have given anything for Hayley’s eyes.
I knew without a doubt that my looks were one of the reasons Jay James couldn’t quite give up on trying to get into my pants. Not that I was cynical or anything.
Jay was a year older than me, smart, but a total bad boy. Tattoos, check. Piercings, check. Motorcycle, check. Every girl in my school wanted a piece of him and for whatever reason he liked me.
We had been making out on my couch for about ten minutes. Jay had nice lips and I’d hoped that when he kissed me I’d feel something other than the wet touch of mouth and tongue against mouth and tongue.
The romance novels I’d found stashed in Hayley’s closet said I was supposed to feel all hot and tingly.
Kissing was supposed to be exciting.
I didn’t find it all that exciting. “Nice” was about as good as kissing had gotten for me. And as always my mind wandered due to the lack of excitement. This time it had wandered to Hayley. She was up to something. I knew it. As a flight attendant she was away a lot, but her trips were longer than usual. She was also acting weird and shifty, hiding her phone from me when it buzzed with a notification, and having whispered conversations in her bedroom. Something was up. I just hoped that something wasn’t a guy.
It was like my wayward thoughts had conjured her.
“This is Jay,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest in defiance at the stern look on her face.
I hated when she acted like she gave a crap.
“I don’t care who he is.” Hayley tried to fry his ass with her eyes. “You can leave.”
Jay stared back at her with as much defiance as I did, making me like him more. He turned to me and pressed a slow, intimate kiss to the corner of my mouth. “See you at school, babe.”
He laughed at the mischief in my eyes.
I waited until he’d brushed by Hayley without a word and I heard the front door close behind him. “Nice. Thanks.”
Hayley’s dark eyes narrowed into slits. “Don’t talk to me like that. I’m tired, it’s been a long day and now I come home and find my daughter being mauled by some walking hormone. Am I supposed to be happy that you’re dating some guy who looks like he’s seen the inside of prison more than once?”
“We’re not dating. We’re just fooling around.”
“Oh, well, then, why am I so upset?” She threw her hands up in exasperation.
“Hayley.”
She flinched, like she always flinched when I called her by her name (so she flinched a lot). “Don’t ‘Hayley’ me. I have a right to be upset about this.”
“Don’t be. I’m not serious about him. And I’m not getting pregnant. Anyway, you’re home early.”
“They put me on a shorter flight.” She dumped her purse on the couch as she moved farther into the room. “We’ll discuss Jay later. I need to tell you something.”
I tensed. “Yeah?”
She stared pensively at me for a few seconds before finally taking a seat by my side. “I’ve met someone.”
Dread instantly filled me.
Scrutinizing me for a reaction and getting none, Hayley smiled reassuringly. “He’s wonderful. His name is Theo and he has a daughter who’s actually your age. He lives in Boston. We met on one of my flights out there.”
My stomach churned. “How long?”
“Several months ago.”
“I knew something was going on,” I muttered.
“I’m sorry I kept it from you for so long... I just wanted to make sure it was real between us.”
“And is it?”
“Very much so. We’ve fallen in love.”
“That’s some long-distance relationship.”
“I stay with him when I fly out there. I see him as often as possible.”
I snorted. “And you think he’s faithful all the times you’re not around?”
“Don’t.” She cut a hand through the air. “Those are your trust issues, India. Not mine.”
My blood boiled with indignation. She was completely naive if she thought for one second this guy wasn’t a loser. She had chosen badly before, after all. I had a right to the dread that was making me feel sick.
“I just wanted to give you a heads-up that it’s serious.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means that if this is going where I think it’s going, then that might mean a big life change for us.”
Oh, hell.
I stared at her in horror.
Hayley sighed wearily at the expression I wasn’t even trying to conceal. “I’m going to make a cup of tea. I’m tired so we’ll talk about Jay another time.” She turned but then stopped to stare sadly at me. “Thanks for being so happy for me, by the way.”
That didn’t even deserve a response.
There was a time Hayley couldn’t give a damn about my happiness. I felt it only fair that I feel apathetic now about hers.
* * *
“So wait, what does that mean?” Anna stared at me with big round eyes. “Are you, like, moving to Boston?”
Thursday. Days after Hayley dropped her bombshell that included a possible “big life change for us.” She’d left for Boston on Tuesday, and I’d barely heard from her. This lack of communication had finally made me tell Anna what was going on.
I leaned against my locker, glaring at the opposite wall. Unfortunately, said locker was situated right next to the guys’ bathroom, which meant enduring Eau de Teenage Turd every day. “I have no idea.”
“That’s what she meant, though, right?”
“Probably.”
“Why aren’t you freaking out more?” She stood directly in front of me now, hands on her hips as she glared up at me. “I’m freaking out!” She flapped her arms around. “Freak out with me!”
“Why are you freaking out?” Siobhan said as she, Kiersten and Tess stopped by my locker. “Is it because Leanne Ingles looks like a walking thrift store today?” she called out loud enough for Leanne Ingles to hear as she passed us. I watched Leanne turn bright red and felt my blood heat.
“Don’t be a bitch,” I snapped at Siobhan.
“I’m just saying, terrible dress, ugly mess.”
“You were being horrible.” And it was hardly the first time. If it were up to Siobhan she’d rule the school with terror and meanness.
“Whatever.” She sighed. “Why are you freaking out, Anna? And why are you doing it in front of India’s locker? This whole area should be quarantined.” She wrinkled her nose at the bathroom doors.
“Lunch,” I stated firmly before pushing off my locker door. I strode away, knowing they’d follow.
I heard their footsteps and suddenly I had Anna on my right, Siobhan on my left and Kiersten and Tess right at my back.
“So?” Siobhan nudged me with her elbow. “What is Anna flipping out over?”
“India’s mom might be moving them to Boston!”
The girls shot me stunned looks at Anna’s outburst, but I ignored them as I also tried to ignore the swarm of butterflies in my stomach.
“Boston?” Siobhan gasped. “No. Ugh.”
Siobhan was a California girl. As far as she was concerned there was sunny CA and then there was the rest of the world. I almost grinned at her disgust.
“You’ll so lose your tan,” Tess said sympathetically.
I glanced at her over my shoulder. “And that’s my biggest concern?”
“No, her biggest concern is Jay,” Kiersten insisted. “You can’t leave Jay. He’s totally in love with you.”
I wanted to roll my eyes at the fairy tale Kiersten had obviously been weaving in her head these last few weeks. “No, he’s not.” I shook my head and looked forward. “And that’s not my biggest concern, either.”
“Her biggest concern is leaving me,” Anna huffed.
Actually, the answer was none of the above. The truth was my biggest concern was the dude we would be moving to Boston for. But Anna was definitely up there, too. If there was anyone in my life that I truly cared about, it was her. I had lied to her about my past, I had kept my secrets and I didn’t really tell her what was going on in my head most of the time, but I gave her more of me than I gave to anyone else. It didn’t bother her, either. Our friendship was based on the fact that she trusted me. I’m a vault. Anna knew she could tell me anything without fear that I’d gossip about it. I had seen her through her parents’ really freaking messed-up divorce and the fallout—she had sex for the first time when she was only fourteen and she was too young. It was a difficult time for her and I was there. Not judging her. Just being there.
It meant a lot to her.
She’d be sad if I left her.
I’d worry about her without me.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I told her, wishing I felt as confident as I sounded.
“Hey, India.” A group of juniors waved as they headed into the caf.
I threw them a smile and followed them in.
“Remember we have our first dance committee meeting this afternoon,” I reminded the girls. “We have to start planning Winter Formal.”
“I don’t even see the point in organizing the vote for Winter Snow Queen this year. We all know you’re going to win.” Kiersten’s voice held more than a hint of envy.
I shrugged, but I couldn’t argue. There was more than a passing possibility that my classmates would vote to make me queen.
If there was one thing I’d mastered more than any of my classes, it was the art of being well-liked. I wasn’t rich, I wasn’t snooty, I didn’t judge people and I had the ability to hide how different I felt from everybody else. I made an effort and I tried to be friends with people from all cliques. I was on the school newspaper. I was on the debate team. I was on the girls’ soccer team. I was the theater manager.
I was really, really busy.
And that was just the way I liked it. Needed it actually. Being popular wasn’t about the attention. It was about the control it gave me. It was much harder to be hurt, and much harder to lose the game, when I held all the right cards. I was the most popular girl in junior year, and if Hayley didn’t ruin everything by moving us to the east coast, I’d be ruling the school next year.
After standing in line for food that resembled something a cat might throw up we settled down at our usual table.
“Is someone going to fill me in on the whole Boston thing?” Siobhan asked, a gleam in her eyes.
Siobhan was captain of the girls’ soccer team, pretty, smart and rich. As far as she was concerned I was sitting in her seat. I bet she was secretly thrilled I might be taking off for Boston.
“Hayley met someone there. It might be serious.”
“That sucks. Sorry,” Tess said.
“Hey, it’s Hayley. They’ll probably break up in a week.”
“Seriously, if you move to Boston I’m moving with you.” Anna’s expression was glum as she stared at her sandwich.
“Eat.” I nudged her elbow.
“You and food.” She sighed but picked up the sandwich.
I bit into my own and stared around the cafeteria, drinking it all in. I really hoped this time next year I’d still be sitting right where I was now.
In life’s driver’s seat.
As if Hayley heard my inner longing, my phone buzzed in my pocket, and when I pulled it out there was a text from her.
I need you home after school. We need to talk. xx
The sandwich turned to dirt in my mouth but I kept eating. I chewed slowly as my chest started to feel a little tight.
“India, you okay?”
I swallowed hard and shoved my phone toward Anna. “I think I’m moving to Boston.”
She paled and looked down at the text. “Shit.”
* * *
I stared out at the Fair Oaks High School parking lot, more aware of the fast thump of my heart in my chest than I had been during soccer practice. Practice had run a little late and I knew Hayley was probably getting antsy.
I felt nauseous but it was time to face the music so I took out my phone and called her.
“Where are you?” she said instead of “Hello.”
“Soccer practice ran late and Siobhan had a dentist appointment so she couldn’t give me a ride home.”
“Damn, I forgot you had practice. I’m on my way.”
Lowering myself to the curb, I flicked through my phone, checking social media and answering notifications. Anna had sent me a Snapchat. It was a picture of an ice pop with the Boston Red Sox logo Photoshopped onto it. Over the picture she had scrawled a message.
Tell Hayley to suck it! YOU’RE NOT MOVING TO BOSTON! Xoxo
I smiled grimly and waited.
When Hayley arrived I got into the car without a word and we drove home to the apartment in silence. Once inside, Hayley finally spoke.
“I thought we could do takeout tonight.”
We couldn’t afford to do take-out nights all the time. Take-out nights were reserved for birthdays and the last night of school summer vacation. Sometimes even Thanksgiving.
Something was up. “Aren’t you supposed to be on a flight somewhere right about now?”
She shrugged, avoiding my gaze as she wandered into the kitchen.
I followed her, watching as she pulled take-out menus out of our kitchen drawer.
“What do you want? Chinese, Indian, Thai, Lebanese?”
“I want to get this ‘talk’ over with.”
Hayley regarded me, taking in my tension and the hard look in my eyes. Finally she sighed. “This is good news, India. Truly it is.”
“Just say it.”
“Theo proposed. I said yes. And we don’t want to wait. We’re getting married this December.”
My mouth dropped open. “I haven’t even met him!”
She pinched the bridge of her nose at my shout. “And that would be a concern if you were younger. But you’re starting junior year. You’re sixteen. Before we know it, you’ll be going off to college.” She stepped toward me and grabbed my hand. I let her squeeze it. “And, sweetheart, you can go to any college you want now.”
“How?”
“Theo is...well, he’s wealthy. And he’s already made it perfectly clear that he wants the very best for me, and that means the very best for you.”
“Are you trying to buy my acceptance of this whole ridiculous thing? You are aware that this isn’t normal, right?”
Hayley dropped my hand. “Don’t be melodramatic. I just want you to know that, yes, of course it will be difficult to leave behind school and your friends here and move to Massachusetts, but the upside is that we’ll never have another financial worry in our lives. Ever.”
Jesus, how wealthy was this guy?
As if she read the question on my face, Hayley smiled dreamily. “He’s an incredibly well-respected attorney from a wealthy family. Boston’s elite.”
“And he’s marrying you?”
“Nice,” she snapped. “Very nice.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” I shrugged. “I just... I thought those people stuck to their own.”
“Usually. But Theo doesn’t care about that stuff. He just wants to marry the woman he loves.” She waved away my negativity with a shake of her hair over her shoulders. “He married a well-to-do woman, and they had a daughter, Eloise, before she died of cancer a few years ago. He hasn’t been serious about another woman since, until me.”
“Oh my God.” I shook my head in disgust. “You think you’re living in a fairy tale.”
“Don’t talk to me like that.”
“You’re hauling me across the country to move in with some guy I’ve never met!” I heard the hysteria creep into my voice, but couldn’t seem to stop it. “Let’s remember the last guy you chose that I had to live with. Or have you already forgotten?”
Understanding dawned on Hayley’s face. It was shocking that I even had to say it out loud. A good mother would have known exactly why I was taking this so hard. “Oh, sweetheart.” She moved toward me but stopped when I flinched back. “Theo is not like him. Not anything like him. I’m not a stupid kid anymore. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.”
I stared at the floor, trying to will my heart rate to slow. I could barely hear anything over the whooshing of blood in my ears.
I started at Hayley’s touch and looked up. She’d decided to ignore my body language and cross the room to take hold of my arms. She ducked her face to stare into my eyes.
“No one,” she whispered fiercely, “no one will hurt you. I promise.”
Liar.
LIAR.
LIAR!
The scream rang out inside of me but somehow I swallowed it.
This was happening.
She was taking my control away.
I slumped beneath her touch, dropped my eyes from the promises in hers and nodded. She kissed my forehead and squeezed my arms.
“Why do we have to move? If he has so much money, why can’t he move here?”
“Because it’s not like he’s a lawyer who can move to another firm. He owns the firm. Plus, Eloise goes to a very good school in Boston. It just makes more sense for us to move there.”
“We’re two weeks into the semester already. What about my classes?”
“Classes at your new school don’t start until next week. By the time you start there it will be the end of September, which means you’ll only have a missed a few weeks of classes instead of a month.
“Sweetie, this is going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to either of us. And didn’t you hear the part about Theo being a lawyer? I know you want to work in the district attorney’s office one day. Theo can open doors for you there.”
I was stunned she’d even considered that for me. I wanted to put criminals behind bars where they belonged, and so I didn’t want to just study to be a lawyer, I wanted more. I wanted to work my way into the district attorney’s office one day, and in my secret heart of hearts...I wanted to be the DA. I didn’t realize Hayley had actually listened to me about my career aspirations.
But still... I wanted to do it on my own. I didn’t want to depend on anyone to get me there, especially not Hayley’s new sugar daddy.
* * *
Fries. Pop-Tarts. Cap’n Crunch. A Hershey’s bar. Burger. With cheese. I really like cheese. And mustard and ketchup on top. SpaghettiOs with little hot dogs cut up into it. Like Mommy used to make.
Stop thinking of food.
I can’t even cry. It would hurt too much to cry. Take too much effort.
Too cold. The shower in our tiny bathroom in the trailer wasn’t the best place to sleep. I had water. But the water was starting to hurt my tummy.
How long had it been? I needed food.
I tried to get out but he’d done something to stop the door opening on the other side and I could see he’d boarded up the tiny window above the sink.
Sleepiness kept coming for me.
I was so tired of thinking about food.
Just be sleepy.
I heard the stomping of feet outside the door.
A cracking sound.
I felt a sudden tingle of warmth over my face.
“Open your eyes, Trash.”
I opened my eyes.
He glared at me from the narrow doorway. “Punishment is over. I’m sick of using Carla’s bathroom.”
My mouth felt dusty. Dry. Gritty. Like our road outside in the hot summer.
“Well?” He grabbed my arm and hauled me up. It hurt more than usual. “Get the fuck out.”
He let me go and I fell against the door frame, then slumped to the ground.
My legs didn’t work right, I thought, panicked.
Suddenly pain flared up my side and I turned.
He drew his foot back from contact with my hip. “I said get the fuck out.”
Somehow I managed to crawl.
The bathroom door slammed shut behind me. I lay on the floor of our kitchen, staring up at the cupboards.
Finally I whimpered.
There was food. But I was too tired to reach for it.
* * *
I WAS TOLD WHEN I GET OLDER ALL MY FEARS WOULD SHRINK!
I shot awake at the blaring sound of Twenty One Pilots coming from my phone. My alarm. Fumbling for the phone, I turned off the alarm and sat back.
My body was coated in sweat.
I hadn’t had a nightmare like that in a long time but it didn’t take Freud to figure out why the bad dreams were back.
After all, in a couple of weeks I was moving all the way across the country to live with a man I’d never even met.
Groaning, I dragged myself out of bed, wondering why I had been blessed with the most selfish, irresponsible mother on the planet.
* * *
“I can’t believe India is really moving.”
At the mention of my name I halted before turning the corner in the hall. I was on my way to a dance committee meeting after school.
“I can. It’s the first thing since she got here that’s ever made sense,” Siobhan said.
I narrowed my eyes. She was such a bitch.
“How do you mean?” Tess said.
“Oh, please, Tess. You and I both know that India doesn’t bring much to the table. Look where she lives compared to me. She’s way trash. I’m way live. I have the big party house and the pool. And my house is by the beach. She lives in some poky little apartment that only Anna has seen the inside of. It’s a crime that she’s as popular as she is.”
I barely heard anything after “She’s way trash.”
Panic had seized my chest at those words.
No.
This was supposed to be my safe place.
No one could talk about me like that here.
As long as I was still here, this was my kingdom. I whirled around the corner. Tess was already striding down the hall toward the classroom the dance committee used for meetings.
Siobhan had been staring after her but jerked a little at the sight of me.
I eyed her carefully as I passed. “Well. Are you coming or not?”
“I am, but why are you?” she grumbled as she fell into step beside me. “It’s not like you’ll even be here for the formal.”
“Then, no. But I’m still here now,” I reminded her.
And I got more joy than I should have when everyone in the room greeted me enthusiastically and barely acknowledged Siobhan, and still more when a lot of my suggestions were taken despite the fact that I’d be long gone by the time of the actual dance.
I was in control.
Siobhan and her words couldn’t touch me in that room.
“You look tired,” Anna told me quietly once the meeting was over.
I couldn’t exactly tell her that was because, for the fifth time this past week, I’d had one of the old nightmares. It had woken me up at three that morning and I couldn’t get back to sleep.
“Just exhausted. Packing and stuff, you know.”
“I know. Don’t remind me.” Anna wrapped her arm around my waist and pulled me into her. “Did Hayley tell you any more about this guy?”
“A little. And I Googled him.”
Her eyes grew round with curiosity. “What did you find?”
Nothing incriminating. But still something terrifying. “Hayley said he was wealthy. She meant wealthy. This guy is high society. She’s moving me into high society. Me.” I felt the growing panic in my chest, knowing that climbing the social ladder in Boston was going to be near impossible. Being bottom of the social hierarchy was a nightmare. People didn’t notice you down there, and when you were almost invisible there was no one to care if anything bad happened to you. No one to swoop in and stop you from being hurt.
It was a different kind of social ladder altogether in Theodore Robert Fairweather, Esq.’s world. “How am I ever going to fit in there?”
“Not everyone at your school will be wealthy.”
Unfortunately, Anna was wrong. “Most of them will. I’m going to private school.”
She looked as horrified as I felt. “No joke?”
“No joke.”
“Like with a little plaid skirt and stuff?”
“I checked out the school’s website and there doesn’t seem to be an actual uniform, but it’s on a whole other level academically.” Which was good for my application to college, but would mean having to work that little bit harder, and working that little bit harder meant cutting into my plans for social climbing. “The tuition fee is insane. Apparently Theodore got me in without an interview thanks to his name alone.”
Anna wrinkled her nose. “Wow. I can’t believe you’re moving in with Mr. Moneybags and you haven’t even met him. Your mom is such a flake. This is like a TV show.”
I gave a bark of bitter laughter. “My whole life is like a TV show.”
CHAPTER 2 (#u2e87e5b1-71a8-500a-9100-9d4ffe3b0fe2)
THE HOUSE IN WESTON, Massachusetts, was a mansion. An actual mansion.
I stood on the driveway outside, my neck craning back, and took in the massive redbrick building. It had gray slate tiles on the roof and bright white wood-framed windows. It also went on and on and on.
“Do you like it?”
I swallowed hard and glanced over at Hayley’s fiancé and my soon-to-be StepVader—I mean, stepfather. Theodore Fairweather was in his midforties, tall, athletically built and, I guess, good-looking for an old guy. To top it off he owned a home that could fit our California apartment inside it twenty, thirty times over.
“It’s big,” I said.
Theo laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. They did that a lot. I supposed that meant he laughed a lot. That didn’t mean he was a kind man, though. Those laughing blue eyes could still be hiding cruelty. People were, after all, masters at deception. “It is big,” he agreed.
“You know I love it.” Hayley laid her head on his shoulder. “I can’t believe we’re finally here.”
“I can’t, either.” He kissed her forehead. “It feels like forever I’ve been waiting for you to show up.”
Theo had picked us up at the airport. We didn’t have a lot of stuff with us because Hayley told me not to pack too many clothes. She said we’d need to go shopping for clothes that would help us fit in better.
Right.
I could tell she was excited at the prospect of spending Theo’s cash. I, on the other hand, didn’t want to owe this guy anything. Unfortunately, I was already into him for thousands in tuition fees at some stuck-up school in Boston.
“Let’s get inside.” Theo strode in through the double front doors. We stepped into a marble entrance hall with two large inner double doors that led into the main hall. A grand staircase swept down toward us in a curve. I stared around wide-eyed at the expensive furnishings.
Growing up I tried my best not to feel like trash. I knew people thought we were trash. But I worked hard to remember that no matter what they said, I wasn’t.
But standing in cheap clothes in that big, expensive house, I suddenly felt this overwhelming fear that I would never find my power here, my control. I felt awkward. Unsophisticated. Uncultured.
I felt like trash.
And if possible I hated Hayley and Theo even more for bringing me here and making me feel that way about myself.
“I’ll show you around and then to your room, India.”
The rest of the house made me sick to my stomach with its beauty. I lost count of how many stunningly decorated and lushly furnished reception rooms Theo led us through. The kitchen was twice the size of our apartment. Finally he led us to the back of the house into a more casual TV room. Three of the walls were made up of floor-to-ceiling glass and a twin set of French doors that led out onto a large patio area. I could see a barbecue, large outdoor dining set, lounge chairs and beyond that in the near distance was a massive swimming pool and a pool house that was a miniversion of the main house.
Sitting around the pool, laughing and talking, were a group of kids about my age.
Theo frowned at the sight but as soon as he became aware of my scrutiny he grinned. The sudden change only reinforced my decision to be wary of his character. “Eloise’s out there with some friends. Why don’t we take you out there and then Eloise can show you to your room later.”
I couldn’t think of anything worse.
Immediately the sick feeling in my gut became a swarm of butterflies.
My feet might as well have been weighted down with anchors as Theo and Hayley forced me outside into the late-September sun.
“Eloise,” Theo called, and a pretty redhead stood up from a lounger. She was wearing a beautiful yellow silk dress that looked great against her pale rose skin and probably cost a fortune.
She stepped forward and beamed at her father. I felt a twinge of something I refused to call jealousy as father and daughter embraced—a tight hug that was so full of feeling they would have to be really freaking great actors for it to be faked—and then smiled into one another’s faces.
Theo murmured something that I couldn’t quite hear and Eloise looked chastened. “I’m sorry, Daddy.” Eloise looked squarely at Hayley. “I apologize for not coming out to welcome you properly.”
“That’s okay, sweetheart.” Hayley waved her apology off while I tried not to scowl at them both. Sweetheart? Really? Just how close were Hayley and her new soon-to-be daughter?
“Eloise, this is India. India, Eloise,” Theo said.
Light hazel eyes connected with mine and I tensed. The warmth in them had disappeared.
“Welcome.” She gave me a tight smile.
I gave her a terse nod, which only made her smile tighter.
“I’m going to help Hayley get settled in. Why don’t you introduce India to your friends and then show her to her room. Okay?”
“Sure thing, Daddy,” she chirped.
Hayley squeezed my hand and gave me a bolstering look as though she cared whether or not she was leaving me to my doom. I turned away from her to stare warily at Eloise.
She stared back, not saying a word until we heard the click of French doors behind us.
Eloise crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re here.”
Yes, definitely not the warmest welcome in the world. “So it would seem.”
She frowned at my clothes. “You’ll need to go shopping.”
I didn’t give her or her friend who giggled from a lounge chair beyond us a reaction to her insinuation that my clothes were too cheap for her world.
Pulling on my armor, I did the only thing I could and pretended like I wasn’t intimidated. “Who’re your friends?” I said, walking toward them.
The giggler was a petite girl with flawless golden skin and rich dark brown hair. She was perched on a lounge chair. Sitting on the edge of the pool with their pant legs rolled up were a sun-bronzed blond-haired boy and a stunning blonde girl with perfect porcelain skin and features—they looked like an Abercrombie & Fitch ad. In the pool on a blow-up lounge was a guy with black hair and a curious smirk. Finally my eyes swung to the boy leaning against the pool house wall. He was tall with naturally tan skin, dark hair and dark eyes, one of those boys that were too good-looking to be real, and he was staring at me with cold indifference.
I stared right back with my best I’m so bored I could die expression before turning my attention to the giggler.
To my surprise she gave me a little smile. “I’m Charlotte.”
“More importantly, I’m Gabe,” the boy in the pool called out. He paddled toward our end of the pool and held a hand out while he grinned up at me. He wore his close-cropped black hair in waves and water glistened on his warm brown skin. Freckles a shade darker sprinkled his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, giving his handsome face a hint of adorable. His smiling dark eyes roamed my face.
I bent down and tentatively shook his wet hand. “India.”
“Awesome name.” He reclined back in his lounge chair, drinking me in. His perusal was much different from Eloise’s and I relaxed a little. Maybe I still had a little power. After all, I didn’t magically stop being pretty in Massachusetts.
“I’m Joshua.” The boy with his feet in the pool held out his hand.
The girl next to him hit him in the gut with her elbow and glared at him.
“Ow.” He scowled. “What?”
She shook her head in disgust. “Idiot.”
I ignored her and took his hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“You, too.”
It was his turn to nudge the girl. She sighed heavily and looked up at me, giving me the same kind of once-over Eloise had. “Bryce,” she muttered.
I glanced over my shoulder at the boy by the pool house. At my scrutiny he straightened up and walked toward me. He stopped at a lounge chair and sat down on it with a casual elegance you could only be born with. “Finn Rochester,” he said curtly, his voice deep, rich, around those two sharp words.
He was the only one to introduce himself using his last name and I immediately knew I was supposed to register its importance.
I decided then and there I liked him the least—this beautiful, pretentious boy.
“My boyfriend.” Eloise strode toward him and put her hand on his shoulder.
The gesture seemed forced and I had to wonder how Rochester felt about Eloise’s less than subtle claim of ownership.
“And just so you know, Joshua is my boyfriend,” Bryce piped up.
Laughter in my voice at their desperation to claim their boys, I said, “Good to know. I’ll be sure to shelve my inner man-eater around them.”
Gabe chuckled. “No need to shelve it around me.”
“You two—” I flicked my hand between him and Charlotte “—aren’t...?”
“Oh God, no,” Charlotte said.
“Hey!” Gabe splashed some water at her and she squealed like a five-year-old.
“So, California?” Joshua said.
I nodded. “Arroyo Grande.”
“Ugh, the west coast,” Bryce sneered.
I immediately thought of Siobhan and her aversion to all things not west coast. Had I stumbled upon her mirror twin in Massachusetts?
“Maybe ‘ugh’ but I would kill for nice weather all year round.” Charlotte sighed in longing.
“You’d bore of it,” Bryce said. “Four seasons are better than two.”
I didn’t bother telling her that California had four seasons; they just didn’t contrast with one another as much as they did here. I was guessing that information wouldn’t make a bit of difference to change her mind about the west coast.
“So...how strange are you finding all this?” Joshua said. “Theo and your mom getting together... It’s pretty sudden, right?”
I felt Eloise’s eyes on me and understood that she was interested despite herself so I directed my answer to her. “I think our parents are dicks.”
The guys burst out into laughter. Well, Joshua and Gabe did. Finn eyed me like I was some weird science experiment.
Eloise narrowed her eyes. “My father is not a dick and I don’t appreciate that kind of language.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Your father is richer than Jay Z and yet no one thinks it’s a good idea for him to fly out to Cali so I can get to know the guy I’m supposed to call stepfather. Instead I’ve got to leave my life behind and move in with some strange man I’ve never met. That doesn’t sound at all dickish on the part of our parents?”
“My father wanted to fly west to meet you,” Eloise told me with calm disinterest. “Your mother is the one who didn’t want him to.”
I winced and felt an ache slash across my chest. Of course Theo wanted to meet me, and my mother talked him out of it. She probably thought I’d ruin everything for her by telling him the truth or, you know...just by being me.
Pretending I didn’t care, I shrugged. “So do you guys all go to the same school?”
“We—” Eloise circled her finger to include the group “—are Tobias Rochester High School. Finn’s great-grandfather was the founder.”
Suddenly things were becoming clearer.
I looked at Finn but he was staring stonily at the ground.
So these were the cool kids. My “in.” How did I even begin winning them over when Eloise’s chilly demeanor wasn’t exactly inviting?
My eyes slid past Eloise to Finn, who was looking at me again. Or should I say through me again.
Unnerved, I glanced back at Eloise.
She waved halfheartedly to the house. “I could show you to your room, but you probably want some alone time to adjust.”
Hopes falling, I recognized her polite comment for what it was. She was definitely not welcoming me into her group.
“Right.” I pasted on a smile I hoped was civil. “Later, guys.”
“Definitely,” Gabe returned.
I gave a nod to Charlotte as I passed but she dropped her eyes.
I did my best to walk calmly inside and out of view.
Once I had privacy I collapsed against the nearest wall and struggled to draw in breath. I felt shaky, my face was tingling and my breath was trapped in my throat.
I felt like I was dying.
Recognizing the impending panic attack, I struggled to get control over it.
Eloise had made it clear she didn’t really want to be friends, and I didn’t know if it was because she hated my mother—if it was about not wanting a replacement or not wanting her father’s attention divided—but I did know I was being left out in the cold.
School on Monday was going to be just delightful.
Trembling, I slumped to the ground and pressed the heels of my palms to my eyes. I was used to feeling alone in a room full of people who liked me, but I wasn’t used to actually being alone.
I was surprised by how much that terrified me.
* * *
I almost hyperventilated again trying to find my new bedroom. I got lost in the myriad hallways, stairways and rooms in the mansion.
When I finally found my room I was stunned.
Spacious didn’t even cover it.
In the middle of a grand room that had French doors that opened onto a beautiful Juliet balcony was a massive four-poster bed with champagne drapes. The wall the bed was situated against had been wallpapered in gold damask. I had white French-style furniture—bedside tables, a dressing table and mirror with a matching stool. A desk with a Mac sitting on top of it, school supplies piled next to it, a flat-screen TV hooked on the wall opposite my bed with a little shelf holding a DVD player. On the wall by the door was an iDock so I could play my music and hear it through the small speakers that had been fitted high up in every corner of the room. To finish there was a generous dressing room/walk-in and a private bathroom with a rainfall shower and huge claw-footed tub.
It was a suite for a princess.
I loved it. And I hated that I loved it.
It was the kind of room I’d dreamed of escaping to when I lived with my dad. The kind of room I’d never imagined I’d ever get to sleep in.
So I loved it.
I just wished it had come to me in a different way.
“So what do you think?”
Hayley stood in the doorway, smiling gently at me. She was alone.
Eloise’s words from earlier came back to me and I turned around to fully face Hayley. “I think you’re either ashamed of me or ashamed of yourself.”
She stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the fact that Theo wanted to come to California to meet me, get to know me, before hauling me across the country into this strange place with strange people. You didn’t want him to meet me...not until it was too late.”
A guilty-looking Hayley shook her head. “That’s not true.”
“Eloise told me that Theo wanted to meet me, but you said no.”
She stared at her feet and said nothing.
It never failed to surprise me that she could still hurt me. Angry, I pushed. “So...what was it? Ashamed of me or ashamed of you?”
“I...” She shrugged and looked up at me, seeming helpless. “I didn’t want to take the chance that you’d tell him the truth. I haven’t told him and I know how angry you still are with me, and I... I didn’t want to lose him.”
I laughed bitterly at her confession. “Isn’t that always the way with you, Hayley? Always doing what’s best for you. Not giving me time to get to know this guy, for him to get to know me... No, that doesn’t work for you, right? So who cares if you rip my world apart again and toss me in with these sharks? As long as you’re okay.”
She rushed toward me suddenly, gripping my biceps hard as she pleaded with me. “This is the best thing that will ever happen to us. I know you don’t believe me but Theo is a good man and he can take care of us. No one can hurt us here.”
“No one but each other.”
Her grip fell away. “Are you going to tell him?”
I looked around at my room, knowing that a guest room would never have been tricked out like this—with the laptop and speakers and school supplies. Whatever Theo’s true character, he’d gone to great lengths to make me feel welcome in his home. “You know, I almost feel sorry for the guy.” I turned back to her. “Marrying a woman he doesn’t really know.”
As I stared into Hayley’s tortured eyes I crumbled. The truth was this could be my perfect revenge, taking him away from her by giving him cold hard facts. But I didn’t have that kind of spitefulness in me. “I won’t tell him.”
Hayley sagged with relief. “It’s the right decision, sweetheart. I promise. I am trying to make this up to you. I’ve been trying for six years. What else can I do?”
“Stop trying.”
I flinched as she raised her hand and brushed her thumb across my cheek. Her eyes were wet as she whispered, “Never.”
I held strong and silent until she left me alone in my room. That’s when I finally let my tears fall.
* * *
“This is exciting,” Theo said. “Our first dinner as a family.”
Hayley beamed at him while Eloise and I looked anywhere but at each other as we sat across from one another at the eight-seater dining table.
After being forced from my new bedroom by Theo and Hayley I discovered Theo employed a driver, a cook, three maids and a groundskeeper. Apparently I’d missed the tennis court and badminton court situated beyond the swimming pool.
They had “staff.”
Staff.
Seriously?
I felt like Cedric Errol in Little Lord Fauntleroy.
As we were served dinner by said staff, I ignored Hayley and Theo as they twittered lovingly with one another until Theo said, “Eloise, why don’t you join Hayley and India tomorrow? They’re shopping for a new wardrobe and could use you as a guide.”
Eloise smiled at her father. “I would, Daddy, but I have a chemistry lab paper to write with Charlotte tomorrow. The paper is due Monday.”
“Oh, well, your education comes first.” He looked disappointed but didn’t push her on it.
I slumped with relief that she wouldn’t be joining us.
“Charles Street has some very nice boutiques,” Eloise said warmly to Hayley. “And of course there’s Newbury Street. You’ll find everything you need there.”
“Thank you.” Hayley turned to Theo. “I’ve never been shopping in Boston.”
“Gil will drive you but Back Bay and Beacon Hill aren’t an easy place to get lost. That’s where your new school is, India. Beacon Hill,” Theo said. “Gil will drive you and Eloise there in the morning and pick you up after school. If you and Eloise end up with different schedules we’ll work something out. Your mother tells me you’re a great soccer player. Tobias Rochester, unfortunately, doesn’t have a girls’ soccer team but we do have a lacrosse team.”
“I’ve never played.”
“Perhaps you’ll be good at it.”
“Does the school have a paper?”
His eyes brightened at my sudden interest in conversation. I think he was pleased that my interest lay in academics. Of course, he didn’t understand that my true motivation wasn’t really about academia, although I did want to get into a good college.
“It does have a school newspaper. An award-winning school newspaper.”
“India was coeditor of her school paper,” Hayley said proudly.
I was surprised she knew that.
Theo was pleased. “Well, we will definitely need to see about getting you on the Tobias Rochester Chronicle.”
“Thank you,” I forced out.
“You’re welcome. Now what else are you interested in?”
“I was on the debate team and I was the theater manager.”
“Well—” Tobias grinned at his daughter “—Eloise has been the lead in the school play for the last three years. Usually they give the leading role to juniors and seniors but Eloise is so talented that she has won every part since she was fourteen. You could surely find India a job behind the scenes.”
“Daddy, our theater isn’t some public school theater. Our theater manager is not a student—he’s an experienced, paid adult.”
He shrugged. “I know that. But India could be an assistant.”
“Yes, I could be an assistant,” I added, imitating Eloise’s big doe eyes.
She looked almost pained. “I think we have all the behind the scenes staff we need.”
“Pish posh,” Theo said. “It’s the start of the school year.”
Pish posh, I mouthed at Hayley. Seriously? Did all Boston upper crust families talk like they thought they were still British?
To my surprise Hayley hid her smile in her napkin at my teasing.
“Yes, pish posh,” I said to Eloise. “You’re the talent. I’m sure you can pull a few strings.”
Hayley choked into her napkin, not hiding her chuckle at all well.
Theo didn’t even seem to notice. He was too busy eyeing me with new appreciation. “A go-getter. I admire that. I think you’re going to fit in very well here, India.”
“I think so, too.” I forced myself to smile back at him.
“When your mother told me you planned to go to law school, that you have aspirations to work in the DA’s office, I was impressed,” Theo added, seeming sincere. “And I’m even more so now that we’ve become acquainted. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have a budding lawyer in the family.”
I couldn’t tell you if a word out of his mouth was true, but I could tell that her father’s approval of me put a wary look in Eloise’s eyes I just didn’t understand.
CHAPTER 3 (#u2e87e5b1-71a8-500a-9100-9d4ffe3b0fe2)
I HAD TO admit I was charmed by Charles Street.
Gil, our driver, was a pleasant, tall bald man who looked to be in his early forties, with broad shoulders and thick biceps. I think he was more bodyguard than driver.
He somehow found a spot to park on the street that was paved in red brick, lined with trees and had quaint gas lamps, antiques stores, restaurants and boutiques. The smell of flowers filled the air and it felt like we weren’t in a city at all.
So far Hayley had bought two dresses that were hundreds of dollars each.
I had bought a cute notepad.
“You have to start looking,” Hayley said as we strolled toward where Gil was standing at attention by the car.
“What am I supposed to be looking for?” I said. “I have no idea how the kids at this school dress.”
“I never thought of that. Damn. I should have asked Eloise. Sorry.”
“I don’t think she would have helped.”
“What do you mean?”
“Behind the ‘Daddies’ and chirpy smiles is a girl who is not happy to have me here.”
I waited for Hayley to tell me I was being silly. She surprised me again by eyeing me carefully and replying, “Has she been rude to you?”
“No, but she wasn’t that welcoming, either.”
“Give her time.” She nudged me with her shoulder with a coaxing smile.
“Whatever.”
“You better tell me if Eloise crosses the line into rude. Her father has spoiled her a little.”
“I can handle myself,” I said, too stubborn to accept her help.
“Finn!”
I jerked at Hayley’s random yell.
And then I followed her gaze and realized she wasn’t being random.
My stomach flip-flopped.
Finn Rochester had just come out of the boutique I’d bought my notepad from earlier. He glanced over at us, his eyes narrowing on me.
Before I could stop her Hayley hurried over to him.
“Hayley.” Finn nodded politely.
I hadn’t realized Hayley had met Eloise’s boyfriend but then I’d forgotten she had actually spent months around these people before dropping me in the middle of it. Not only had they apparently met, but they knew each other well enough to be on a cozy first-name basis. My resentment simmered to the surface.
“Finn, how are you?” She smiled at him like he was the most interesting boy in the world. I knew Hayley well enough to know that she was impressed by his family name and his natural air of cultured superiority.
“Well. And you?”
“We’re shopping.” She raised the bags in her hands to elaborate.
He took in the one tiny little bag in my hand. “You don’t shop?”
He seemed so bored by his own question I wondered why he’d bothered to ask.
Before I could say anything, Hayley said, “Well, India has a dilemma. Perhaps you could help.”
“I’d be happy to.”
I snorted. Loudly. Because he sounded like he’d rather do anything else in the world than help me.
His eyes cut back to me but I refused to be intimidated by him and his masculine beauty. I stared back until he turned his attention to Hayley.
I did a little inner fist pump of triumph over winning our staring contest.
Hayley seemed to eye our interaction with interest. She smirked a little as she said, “What do the girls at your school wear? India needs a wardrobe for the semester.”
Without looking at me he shrugged. “Stick with designer. There are numerous stores on Newbury Street. Introduce yourself to the staff, explain she’s attending Tobias Rochester and they’ll be able to help you.”
“Wonderful, thank you.” Hayley beamed, not at all annoyed that Finn had referred to me as “she” rather than by name.
What? Was he afraid to say my name in case my trailer trashiness rubbed off on him?
Dipshit.
“You’re welcome.” He gave us a nod. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”
As we watched his tall form stride away, I decided he was perfect for Eloise. He had the broad shoulders and narrow waist of a swimmer, long legs, a face worthy of the Greek gods and expensive clothes that fit him to perfection.
He was beautiful and wealthy just like his girlfriend.
And he was just as welcoming.
“I like him,” Hayley said quietly. “There’s something mysterious about him.”
“He’s a snob.”
She frowned at me. “No. I don’t think so. I think he’s just sad.”
“Sad?” I made a face. “How so?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he needs a friend.” She nudged me pointedly.
I gave a huff of laughter. “Oh, yeah, I can see that happening.”
“What?” Hayley seemed confused as we started walking toward the car again. “I think you two might get along if you just make an effort. You know he’s the kind of boy I would have loved to see you with if Eloise hadn’t gotten there first. A boy like that needs someone to shake him up a little. You’re so good at shaking people up.”
I grunted and rolled my eyes at her teasing. “You, Hayley, I’m good at shaking you up. I’m pretty chill with everyone else.”
And anyway... Hell would freeze over before Finn Rochester would ever look at a girl like me.
And it would seriously, seriously take a miracle to make a boy that cold appealing to me in any way. It didn’t matter how pretty his face was.
* * *
Large wrought-iron gates swung open into a courtyard from the sidewalk and hugging that courtyard was Tobias Rochester High School. Housed in an imposing Federal-style building that was set back from the street, it looked like the king of the pretty row houses in the fancy neighborhood in Beacon Hill.
I stared up at the building, trying to ignore the pounding of my heart.
Unfortunately, my morning had gone speedily downhill. When I woke up it was to sunlight spilling into my beautiful, peaceful new room. I was surprised by how well-rested I felt. Seriously, now I understood why people often described beds like a cloud.
I’d then taken an awesome shower in my huge new bathroom and I’d put on one of the many outfits Hayley had forced me to buy the day before. I was wearing Armani skinny jeans and an oversize Alexander McQueen T-shirt. Hayley (or Theo actually) had even bought me jewelry, and I was wearing a new watch and bracelet, as well as a pair of small diamond studs in my ears. A pair of Tory Burch flats finished the casual but expensive look and, as much as I hated to admit it because I felt like the walking privileged, I looked pretty good.
And that’s where all the “good” stopped.
Theo wasn’t at breakfast because he went into the office really early. Hayley was still in bed and Eloise was sitting at the breakfast table being waited on hand and foot.
I decided to help myself in the kitchen, hoping to make conversation with the cook, Gretchen, only to discover Gretchen really didn’t want me in her kitchen. I think it was the glaring and the shooing hand gestures that gave her feelings away.
I ended up out in the dining room with my new soon-to-be stepsister. The silence between us was so thick it was stifling as we ate.
Gil came to inform us that it was time to leave for school and I grabbed up my new school satchel (I never, ever thought I’d use the word satchel), and hurried after Eloise.
The tense silence continued between us during the thirty-minute drive to school. When we pulled up to the school, Gil opened the door for Eloise and she shot out of the car as if I had the plague.
Gil gave me a sympathetic smile as I got out and told me to have a good first day.
So far Gil was pretty much the only person in the whole Massachusetts experience that I might actually like.
I got a few curious looks from kids as I walked through the gates and into my new school life. Theo had sent Hayley a class program list a few weeks back and I’d filled it out. Within twenty-four hours I’d been given a schedule and he’d sent on textbooks so I could be somewhat up-to-date on what we would be discussing in class. Plus the school had an intraweb and the teachers were cool enough to list each upcoming class discussion and the reading that was expected for it.
As organized as I already was, I still had to register my arrival. Following signs for the school office, I took in the modern interior that was incongruous with the building’s exterior. The school office was chic—all shiny glass, white, glossy painted wood and expensive computers.
“May I help you?” A middle-aged woman with short blond hair smiled at me as I stepped inside the office.
I gave her a small smile, hoping I didn’t appear as nervous as I felt. “My name is India Maxwell. I’m new.”
“Oh, Miss Maxwell, of course.” She came around her desk to offer me her hand. As I shook it she introduced herself. “My name is Ms. Llewellyn. I’m the head of administration at Tobias Rochester.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“You, too. We’ve been expecting you.” She turned to her desk and shuffled through some papers before producing a large envelope. “This is for you. Inside you’ll find important information about the school, including leaflets on a list of extracurricular activities we have here at Tobias Rochester.”
“Thank you,” I murmured, feeling overwhelmed already.
“Headmaster Vanderbilt would like to introduce himself.”
Headmaster Vanderbilt turned out to be a guy probably only five years or so older than Theo. I expected someone stuffy, pretentious and more than a little condescending, but Headmaster Vanderbilt—a tall, reed-thin man who wore a tiny pair of rimless glasses perched on his big Roman nose—was warm and welcoming.
His welcome, in fact, would be the warmest I’d receive that day.
My first class was Microeconomics and to my horror Eloise, Finn and their whole crew took the class. I hadn’t been expecting to see them all together in one class and while the teacher introduced me I had to quickly put my mask of indifference on.
Eloise didn’t acknowledge my presence as I took a seat on the other side of the classroom. My eyes drifted to Finn but he was staring at the teacher, almost too studiously, like he was trying to avoid my gaze. I shook that suspicion off, knowing Finn thought he was superior to me—I probably wasn’t even on his radar.
Not that I cared if I was on his radar or not.
My Microeconomics teacher was pretty cool and I got through the class not feeling totally out of my depth. I considered that a positive for the day.
Fiction Writing was next and Charlotte was in my class. When I walked in, her eyes lit up and I thought I detected the beginnings of a smile before a thought passed over her expression. Her shoulders slumped, and she looked like she wanted to blend into the background.
I decided to ignore her weirdness and waved at her as the teacher approached to introduce herself. The teacher saw my exchange with Charlotte and insisted I sit with her.
“Hey,” I said as I took the seat beside her.
Charlotte gave me a half smile, half grimace. “Hi.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t cheat off you.”
Her answer was a tremulous smile.
Encouraged, I nodded at her violet dress. “That color looks awesome on you.”
Appearing almost taken aback, Charlotte glanced down at the dress and ran her fingertips over it. “Really? Bryce said it washed me out. She said I look trash in it.”
Of course she did. I got more than a few mean girl vibes off that girl. “Well, she’s wrong. It’s really cute.”
“Thanks.” Charlotte gave me a shy smile before wariness replaced it and she turned determinedly to face the front.
Her body language told me not to push talking to her, but I felt hope.
Smiling inwardly, I faced forward, too, and listened to the teacher as she started class.
Two classes passed and I already had more homework than I’d ever had back at Fair Oaks High. I wasn’t freaking out about it just yet, considering I had no friends and no extracurricular activities to distract me from all the schoolwork, but once I did I’d have to find a way to juggle it all.
As I was walking toward my next class I noticed the glances and full-on stares from my new schoolmates. Their looks varied from curious to sneering and I felt a tingle of wariness across the back of my neck. Turning a corner on my search for my Modern European History class, I came face-to-face with my stepsister-to-be and her girls. They sashayed down the hall like an ad for a TV show about beautiful popular high school kids, long hair fluttering out behind them like silk, long trim legs on display in their designer dresses and elongated by their Jimmy Choo sandals.
Eloise saw me, looked right through me and kept on walking without a word.
My skin felt hot with embarrassment at her obvious cut.
I watched her disappear around the corner with her best friends before looking around the hallway. That’s when I realized I hadn’t been imagining the sneers of my classmates.
A sick feeling settled in my gut as I wondered what the hell was going on.
Determined to pretend I didn’t care, I threw my shoulders back and continued on my search for my class. To my relief I discovered the classroom without having to ask anyone for directions. The last thing I wanted to do right then was interact with anyone. I strode inside, cursing Hayley all over again for bringing me to Massachusetts, unaware of anyone else but the tall faculty member standing by the whiteboard.
He caught sight of me in his peripheral vision and turned. He was my youngest teacher so far, probably in his late twenties, and he was cute in a nerdy, intellectual kind of way.
“Hi.” He smiled.
“I’m India Maxwell. I’m new.”
“Oh, India, yes. I knew that.” He held out his hand for me to shake. “I’m Mr. Franklin, but most of these guys drop the ‘Mr.’”
I smiled back, liking his down-to-earth vibe immediately. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You, too.” He looked out at the class and I followed his gaze.
I felt a horrible jump in my heartbeat at the sight of Finn Rochester sitting in the middle of the room and things pretty much got worse from there.
“Finn,” Franklin said, “you’ve got an empty seat beside you, right?”
No. NO. NO!
I did not want to sit beside that stuck-up ass. Only seconds into the class and already I knew it was going to suck worse than anything that had happened in my day so far.
Finn glanced at the table and chair beside him and then looked over at me. His expression was carefully blank. “Yes, it’s empty.”
Franklin gestured toward it. “Take a seat, get comfy and we’ll get started.”
I murmured my thank-you and slowly made my way to the chair I’d just been allocated. Finn stared straight ahead at Franklin, much like he had done in our Microeconomics class. As I sat I glanced at his profile.
There was a weird flutter in my stomach that I put down to nerves. After all, it was messed up that someone as influential as Finn had decided I wasn’t good enough. It would make the school social climbing that much freaking harder. More than that, I realized...it hurt. I didn’t want it to hurt. But it hurt nonetheless. It reminded me too much of a time spent with a man who thought I was worthless.
Shaking that black hole of memories away, I found myself studying Finn.
The flutter in my stomach intensified.
It was a damn shame that someone so good-looking was such an incredible dipshit.
I noted his broad shoulders tense. Slowly, he turned his head to lock eyes with me. His look was dark and fathomless; mine was challenging.
Something weird happened to me as our silent interaction drew out. Franklin’s voice became just a murmur in the background and my blood turned hot. The whole world faded out—everything but Finn’s eyes and the squirming heat under my skin.
I began to worry that the longer he stared into my eyes, the more he’d see, because the longer I stared into his, the more I saw to my surprise that Hayley was right—there was a sadness in Finn’s eyes. And what surprised me even more was how curious I was to know what put it there. I hadn’t expected it. What could ever have made someone as lucky as Finn sad?
Finally his eyes narrowed and I could have sworn his expression turned wary a split second before he wiped it blank and turned his head away.
Feeling strangely unsettled, I decided to take a page out of Finn’s book and pretend like he didn’t exist.
When class ended Finn shot out of there before I could dare to say a word to him. I was okay with that. In fact, I waited for everyone to filter out before approaching Franklin.
“India, great job today. I’m delighted you did all the reading before joining us. Tobias Rochester is a competitive school. Sometimes it’s hard for new students coming from a less competitive environment to keep up with us.”
I thought that was an extremely diplomatic way to put it and knew my smile said so.
I pulled out one of the leaflets Ms. Llewellyn had put in my packet. “I see that you are the faculty member that oversees the school newspaper.”
“Yes. Usually it would be an English teacher but I minored in journalism so...” He shrugged modestly, as if to say, Here I am.
“Great. Well, I was coeditor of my paper back in Arroyo Grande. I was hoping that there might be a place for me on this paper.”
“Oh. Well, you know, we’ve got most of the team together already because we’re a few weeks into the school year...however, we are looking for a book reviewer. I know a critic isn’t a journalist but is that something you might be interested in?”
“Yes.” I nodded eagerly. “I love books. And really, I just want to be part of the team on the paper. It’s a start, right?”
“Definitely. We do have a couple of other students interested. However, I always choose those who have potential to bring more to the paper over time. So why don’t you email me some of the work you’ve done on your previous paper if you can?”
“I can do that.”
He chuckled at my eagerness. “Great. My email is on the intraweb. Send it to me ASAP.”
“I will. Thanks, Mr. Franklin.”
“You’re welcome, India.”
There was a little skip in my step as I left his class. I was hopeful that things were looking up.
* * *
That thought was quickly dashed when I wandered into the cafeteria for lunch period.
Tobias Rochester was a much smaller school than my last, which made the cafeteria drama much more pronounced. And today’s drama? Me. New Girl.
No one had made any friendly overtures yet and I was still receiving weird looks. Everyone was gaping at me: disgust in some cases and curiosity in others.
The disgust was worrying.
As I strode to the lunch line to be served, I searched for and eventually found Eloise sitting at a table smack-bang in the middle of the room. Of course she’d want to be in the center of it all.
Bryce and Charlotte sat on either side of her, and Finn, Gabe and Joshua sat opposite them. The girls saw me and immediately looked away. Bryce said something and whatever it was made the boys glance over their shoulders in my direction. Finn and Joshua quickly looked away but Gabe grinned over at me and started to get up.
Bryce snapped something at him. He threw a fry at her with a chuckle and she turned a dark shade so red I thought her head was about to explode with all the blood rushing into it.
As Gabe made his way toward me I braced myself, not sure what kind of greeting to expect from him.
“You made it,” he said, wearing an expression of amusement.
I didn’t detect any meanness in him. “Yup.”
“Well, you look great.”
“Should you be over here complimenting me?”
“Are you talking about Bryce?” He chuckled. “She should know by now that I’m not one of her cliquey bitches. I talk to whoever I want. And Elle hasn’t said you’re off-limits and we all know Elle’s the one really in charge.”
Huh, that was interesting. I would have thought for certain Eloise would have called for me to be ostracized by her friends.
As if he saw the thought in my eyes, Gabe shook his head. “Elle’s a good girl.”
Hmm, I wasn’t sure I believed that.
“So you’re being nice to me?”
He laughed at my suspicious tone. “Believe it or not, yes.”
“Okay.” I shrugged, still not one hundred percent sure of his motives. Although to be fair he was cool to me when we first met, too. “So if you’re really trying to be nice...maybe you could tell me why everyone is looking at me so strangely?”
“Ah.” He suddenly looked sheepish. Guilty even. “Yes, about that.” He stepped toward me, lowering his voice. “Look, when your mom and her dad started dating Eloise didn’t exactly like Hayley. She thought it was strange that as time went on Hayley never once brought you with her or let her dad go visit you. She said she was afraid you might be in rehab or something.” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking embarrassed. “I might have told someone else that you were in rehab and, before I knew it, it was all over the school. But it was weeks ago,” he said defensively. “I thought they would have forgotten it by now.”
My eyes bugged out, my anger simmering beneath the surface. “Everyone thinks I was in rehab?”
“Yeah. I am really sorry.”
I gave a huff of disbelief, trying to gauge his sincerity. He did seem genuinely embarrassed by the rumor he’d spread. “Are you going to tell people it’s a lie?”
“Eloise overheard a few seniors talking about it this morning and she told them it wasn’t true.”
Hmm. Probably didn’t want the rumor to hurt her reputation. “Then why are people still looking at me funny?”
“It’ll take time for it to die down. Sitting with us would help,” Gabe offered.
Was he nuts? I gave him a look that clearly questioned as much and he laughed.
“I’m asking you to.”
“I’m not welcome.”
“Okay, if you say so. You know where I am if you change your mind.” He winked suggestively and backed off.
I shook my head at his flirtation, feeling a teensy bit better knowing there was a student at this school that didn’t hate me, even if he accidentally spread a stupid rumor about me. As I was reaching for my tray of food, I heard Gabe call my name loudly.
I turned and stepped out of line to find him halfway between me and Eloise’s table. Everyone was looking at us.
“You look remarkably good for a recovering drug addict.”
I should have been mortified, but instead I felt a renewed resolve within me to not let these people think they could embarrass me or force me to duck my head and hide from their curiosity and judgment. I grinned at Gabe’s mockery of the student body for believing his stupid lie and called, “Thanks, dipshit.”
His laughter rang out around the room, and I found myself chuckling. I looked beyond him to Eloise and found her watching me uneasily. Gabe was oblivious as he walked back to the table. I moved to find an empty table, and my mood plummeted harshly when I realized I was going to have to sit alone.
I hadn’t eaten lunch alone since I lived with my dad.
Doing what I’d gotten so good at since I’d arrived in Massachusetts, I pretended I wasn’t bothered by my loner status. Instead I pulled out the book I was currently reading and got lost in the words while I ate my pasta salad.
Only a few minutes later my face started to tingle and I felt the little hairs on the back of my neck rise. Not moving my book from covering my face, I discreetly looked up over the top of it, searching for the cause of the tingles.
My eyes locked with Finn Rochester’s.
Those little flutters awoke in my stomach again and I flushed hot.
Finn wrenched his gaze away, frowning down at his plate. No one at his table seemed to notice he’d been looking over at me.
I focused back on the pages of my book, but the words just became blurry blobs.
The truth was Finn unsettled me. I honestly didn’t know why.
I just knew I didn’t like it.
Forcing myself to concentrate on the book, I eventually got back into the story and for a while I forgot I was in hostile territory.
* * *
I wish I could say that the day improved from there but it was pretty much the same as the beginning. Classes were fine, if a lot more challenging than my old school, teachers were overall welcoming and none of my fellow students bothered to introduce themselves to me.
I walked out of school at the end of the day the way I’d walked in.
Alone.
Gil was waiting with the car and when he saw me he got out to open the door for me. “Good afternoon, miss. I hope you had a good first day.”
I thanked him as I slid into the car.
Once I was settled inside Gil got back in the driver’s seat and started to pull away.
“What about Eloise?”
“Miss Eloise informed me that she will be getting a ride home from Finn later this afternoon.”
I nodded and turned to stare out the window. I’d found myself forgetting throughout the day that Finn and Eloise were a couple. They didn’t act like Bryce and Joshua, who could barely keep their hands off one another. I knew not all couples liked PDA, but there was usually something to let you know that a couple were into one another. They acted like friends, for sure, but I hadn’t seen them kiss or hold hands or cuddle.
But I guess one day wasn’t really long enough to form an opinion about them as a couple.
As the streets of Boston passed us by I let my thoughts drift away from Eloise and Finn. Instead I thought of all the homework I had to do, all the work I had ahead of me to get involved in my new school and how miserable it was that I hadn’t made one single friend. I’d decided Gabe didn’t count. I knew when a boy had sex on his mind and Gabe was definitely flirting with me.
“Tomorrow is a new day.”
I was startled from my forlorn musing by the sound of Gil’s voice.
He was smiling sympathetically at me in the rearview mirror. “The first day is always the worst.”
Grateful for his insight and kindness, I gave him a small smile. “It can only get better, right?”
“Definitely.” And it sounded like a promise.
I hoped it was a promise. A solid one. Because I’d worked too hard to get out of my previous miserable existence for my mother’s new romance to take that all away from me.
Upon arriving home, I had to remind myself to let Gil get the door for me. When I stepped out I thanked him and hoped he knew I meant it sincerely. So far he was the only person from the house, other than Theo, who had been warm to me. I appreciated it.
Thinking of the staff, I decided to brave the kitchen despite Gretchen’s grouchiness that morning because I really wanted a soda. Entering the vast space, I found it full of hustle and bustle as Gretchen and one of Theo’s maids prepared for dinner.
I gave them an unsure smile and headed toward the huge refrigerator.
“May I help?” Gretchen called over.
“I’m just getting a soda.”
“I’ll get it for you, miss,” she said gruffly, stepping away from the vegetables she was cutting.
“It’s fine. I can get my own soda,” I assured her with more than a hint of amusement in my voice.
Gretchen frowned but nodded.
“Do you know if Hayley is home?”
The maid was the one that answered me. “Ms. Maxwell is out. Wedding plans. She said she would return in time for dinner.”
Wedding plans. Of course. “Thanks,” I muttered, and strolled out of the kitchen with my can of soda. I headed straight for my room.
Hayley had broken it to me last night that she’d quit her job. I’d tried not to get really angry at her for giving up her own means of independence, because I knew her well enough to know that this wasn’t a decision she was going back on.
As I’d gotten older and started to question why Hayley made the choices that she made, I started to form the theory that my inept mother had always wanted to be a princess. She didn’t want reality. She wanted fantasy.
Theodore Fairweather was finally giving her that.
She could live a life of leisure as the wife of a wealthy, influential blue blood.
Never, I decided, never would I put my entire financial and emotional well-being in the hands of someone else. Never!
Nope. I was going to metaphorically kick ass at my new school and forge a new path to total independence. On that thought I got on my laptop, found some editions of my old school paper and sent them to Franklin to look over.
I studied a little, impatiently waiting for time to pass. Anna was going to FaceTime me but since there was a three-hour time difference between us, I had to wait for her to get out of school. When my laptop started ringing like a phone, I thought I hadn’t heard such a nice sound in a long time.
“Oh my God, come home!” Anna yelled.
“Believe me, I would if I could. How was the first day of school without me?”
Anna rolled her eyes. “Um...what do you think? Siobhan is totally acting like Winter Snow Queen already.”
“Yeah, like we didn’t know that was going to happen. As long as she’s not being mean?”
“So far not a lot of meanness, just a lot of ‘fall at my feet and kiss my toes.’”
“Literally?”
“Thankfully, no. I don’t care how many pedicures that girl can afford, I am not getting near her feet.”
I laughed and then immediately sobered. “I miss you guys.”
“We miss you, too. You know who else misses you?”
“Who?”
“Jay.”
“Jay? He said that?” Somehow I couldn’t picture the too-cool Jay actually uttering those words to Anna. I realized by Anna’s giddy tone that I should probably feel excited that Jay missed me. But I just...didn’t.
“No, but he asked if we’d heard from you. Of course Siobhan tried to use his attention to flirt with him but he was really only interested in talking about you.” She sighed heavily. “Oh, to be India Maxwell, breaking the hearts of bad boys everywhere.”
I snorted. “Yeah, because my life is so charmed right now.”
She clapped her hands together and stuck her face closer to the screen. “Tell me how your day went.”
And so I proceeded to fill my best friend in on the grim start to my new life in Boston.
“India Maxwell does not sit alone at lunch!” Anna was gratifyingly indignant on my behalf. “I’m sorry you had such a shitty day. But trust me, they will realize how epic you are soon enough.” Her sympathy and reassurances were soothing, and after we signed off, I did actually feel a little better for connecting with her.
I wandered around my room, trailing my fingers over all my new things and wondering if material possessions ever made anyone truly happy, and was stopped in my tracks at the French doors. Outside I watched as a light blue convertible pulled up in front of the house.
Sitting in the driver’s seat was Charlotte and getting out of the car was Eloise. Eloise blew her friend a kiss and sashayed into the house, disappearing from sight.
A smiling Charlotte pulled away from the house.
Hmm. I thought Gil had said Eloise was with Finn.
“There you are.”
I spun around to find Hayley standing in my doorway. “When did you get home?”
“About thirty minutes ago.” She wore this goofy grin on her face as she sank down onto my bed. “How was school?”
“Fine, I guess.”
“You guess? Was it really that bad?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
She looked hurt by my curtness so I changed the subject. “How goes the wedding plans?”
And just like that she lit up again as she told me all about the wedding planner she’d met with, the venue they’d by some miracle managed to book on such late notice, the flowers they were considering, the colors...
Unfortunately, I had to listen to it all over again at dinner later that evening.
When she’d finally run out of steam, Theo smiled indulgently at her and then turned to me. “So now that we know your mother had a wonderful day, how was yours, India?”
Like the previous nights, we sat around the informal dining table, the four of us, pretending that we were all comfortable in one other’s company.
“It was good,” I lied.
“Did you show India around, Eloise? Introduce her to everyone?”
“Of course, Daddy.” It was Eloise’s turn to lie.
I noted the way her fingers tightened around her fork so hard her knuckles went white.
It gave me pleasure knowing she was waiting for me to out her for not doing her daughterly duties.
I let the moment pass and watched her hand relax.
“Are you liking your classes?” Theo said.
“So far.” I looked over at Eloise. I wanted her to know that maybe I didn’t need her, after all. “And Mr. Franklin, my Modern European History teacher, is the head faculty member on the paper. He asked me to send some old articles to him. Kind of like an interview for a spot on the paper.”
Hayley and Theo looked delighted. Hayley actually wore a look of pride as she said, “Well, that’s wonderful.”
“First the paper and then the theater,” Theo said, his attention now on his daughter. “Eloise, did you ask about a job for India behind the scenes?”
“No, Daddy. Not yet.”
He frowned. “India has already missed out on the first few weeks of school. Time is of the essence. I’d like you to try harder tomorrow.”
She blushed at his admonishment. “Yes, Daddy.”
The rest of the dinner conversation was carried by Hayley and Theo and it mostly covered the wedding and Hayley asking for my soon-to-be stepdad’s opinion on flowers and themes and crap I’m sure he really wasn’t that interested in.
I was happy to be excused from the table once I’d finished my dessert but I refused to completely give in to my new life. I found myself grabbing up my plate before Theo’s staff could, ignoring him as he called out to me that “Janelle will do that!”
Instead I took my dirty plate and glass into the kitchen and then promptly stopped short at the sight before me. Gretchen was scraping a huge chunk of leftover meat loaf into the trash. An oven dish half-filled with potato dauphinoise was sitting on the counter, ready to be thrown out, too.
My skin tingled unpleasantly as I felt an immediate cold sweat prickle my face, my palms and under my arms. My heart was hammering way too hard in my chest. “What are you doing?” I said shakily, taking a step toward her.
Gretchen looked up in surprise. “Clearing up.”
“Stop.” I hurried over and looked down into the trash can. My chest tightened at the sight of the food inside it. “You just threw away half a meat loaf!”
“Miss, leave your plate and glass. I’ll clean it up,” Gretchen said tetchily as she reached for the potatoes.
“No!” I grabbed ahold of the other end of the dish and her eyes grew round with surprise. “You can’t just throw perfectly good food out!”
“Miss, please let go of the potatoes.”
“No!”
“Miss, please.” Her face grew pale.
“What is going on in here?” I heard Theo’s authoritative voice behind us.
My grip on the dish tightened.
“Sir, I’m just trying to clear up the waste and Miss Maxwell got very upset.”
“India.” A hand curled around my wrist and I followed it up to Hayley’s concerned face.
“It’s not waste,” I whispered. “It’s perfectly fine leftovers.”
I saw the pain in Hayley’s eyes at my words and she reached up to brush my cheek with her fingertips. “Sweetie,” she whispered back.
“We can’t just throw it out.”
“I know.” She nodded and looked over my shoulder. “Darling, India’s right. We should be keeping the leftovers or giving them to a local shelter. It’s a lot of food to throw away.”
I felt the warmth of Theo’s presence as he stepped up beside us and peered into the trash can. “Do you throw out this much food every day?”
Gretchen swallowed hard. “Not every day, sir. Sometimes.”
“Well, it does seem like a lot. India and Hayley are right. You and the staff will share the leftovers between you from now on, is that understood?”
“Yes, sir.” Gretchen slumped with relief, I imagine because Theo hadn’t given her any more crap about it.
As for me, my heartbeat began to slow but I still wasn’t completely reassured. “You will use the leftovers, right?”
I could tell she thought I was nuts but still she answered soothingly, “Yes, miss. I have a teenage son who eats me out of house and home. The leftovers will be welcome.”
The tension drained out of me. “Good.” I sucked in a huge breath of air. “Thanks.”
She gently tugged on the oven dish and I let it go, stepping back.
“I must say, India, I find your attitude quite refreshing.” Theo gave me an affectionate smile.
My return smile was tremulous.
He thought I was being socially and economically conscious. He had no idea about my issues with food.
Hayley knew, though.
She rubbed my arm and turned me away from Gretchen. “You’ve had a long day, sweetie. Why don’t you make it an early night?”
I nodded, and turned around to find Eloise standing near the door to the kitchen, watching me.
Crap.
The last thing I needed was her witnessing my weirdness.
CHAPTER 4 (#u2e87e5b1-71a8-500a-9100-9d4ffe3b0fe2)
HE WAS EATING DOUGHNUTS. They were fresh and I could smell them. Carla had brought them.
My stomach clenched painfully.
“I can’t keep eating ’em if she’s gonna look at me like a feral cat,” Carla complained. “Just fucking give her some food, Ed.”
“Little bitch isn’t getting a thing until I say so. She knows what she did.” He glared at me.
I didn’t know what I did.
I just knew it didn’t take much.
“Well, she’s freaking me out.” Carla shoved the box of doughnuts away.
“Fine.” He stood up abruptly and grabbed up the box of baked goods. Eyes on me the whole time, he strode across the trailer to the trash can, stood on the pedal that opened the lid and one by one he dropped the doughnuts inside.
I hated him.
I tightened my arms around my knees and shoved my face against my skin to block him out.
“I gotta go to work.”
“She ain’t going to school?”
“Nah. They’d feed her.”
“She could just eat while you’re gone.”
“I emptied every inch of the place.” He laughed, a wheezy sound I hated just as much as I hated him.
“You’re sick,” she said.
If she thought so, why didn’t she do something?
I felt a stinging burn against my head, the crack of his hand echoing in my ears. I winced and looked up at him.
He sneered down at me. “Don’t move a muscle or I’ll know.”
I nodded, so relieved when they were gone.
I waited a while before I dragged my tired body over to the trash can. I pulled the doughnuts out, wiping cigarette ash and some spicy sauce off a few of them before I shoveled them into my mouth. And I cried the whole time.
* * *
By the end of second period the next day, I knew bulimic had been added to my roster of fictional problems after a girl I didn’t know leaned across her desk as I finished an energy bar before Calculus 2 started.
“Bryce Jefferson told me all about you so I need advanced warning if you’re going to puke that up, because I don’t handle vomit very well.” She wrinkled her nose at me.
I blinked at her, confused for a few seconds, before it dawned on me that Eloise had told Bryce about my kitchen escapade the night before, and Bryce had clearly told everyone else. It was bad enough the whole thing had given me nightmares I didn’t want—I didn’t need this crap.
“I’m not bulimic. But it’s good to know you are so concerned about a possibly life-threatening disorder affecting a classmate. You should win an award or something for most compassionate student. No, wait. I mean the most self-centered dipshit award.”
Her mouth fell open in outrage and she shifted her entire desk away from mine with a screech across the hardwood floors.
That probably wasn’t the best way for me to go about making new friends.
As it turned out I shouldn’t have worried too much about alienating one of my classmates. By Day Four at Tobias Rochester, Eloise’s friends had done that for me. I had not made one friend and the only classmate that spoke to me at all was Gabe, and that was to flirt with me briefly in the cafeteria. It didn’t make me feel too special, however, because it became clear as he mingled with other students that Gabe flirted with a lot of girls.
I’d also exhausted all avenues regarding extracurricular activities. It turned out every team was full—the debate team, yearbook, events committee... I’d even asked about the math and science teams but apparently only geniuses were allowed and I was rejected because of my mere above-average brain. As for athletics, they had no soccer team so I was already at a disadvantage. I couldn’t play basketball or lacrosse, I couldn’t fence or dance (at least not at the level Tobias Rochester dance team could), I couldn’t sail, row or play rugby or squash. The only thing I was good at was running but the cross-country team was full, which left me with just plain old running. Not exactly a team sport but I signed up, anyway.
Tobias Rochester was a small and competitive school. If you didn’t get your foot in the door of a team the first day of the school year it was doubtful you ever would.
The only other extracurricular options left to me were the Tobias Rochester Chronicle and whatever Eloise could rustle me up in the theater. I still hadn’t heard from Franklin and every time I walked into Modern European History I braced myself for disappointment.
On Friday I did just that as I strode into his class.
“India,” Franklin said as soon as I stepped into the room, “see me after class, please.”
I sucked in a breath and nodded, not wanting to get my hopes up. Part of me wished he would just tell me before class started so I knew one way or the other if my school career was destined for the toilet.
Settled at my seat, I kept my head down, not looking up when the seat next to me scraped back. My breathing came a little faster and I hated that Finn made me apprehensive. I refused to acknowledge his presence just as he’d ignored my existence for the last four days. We’d passed one another in the hall and, like Eloise, he’d looked anywhere but at me. He never spoke to me in the three classes we shared and he’d also ignored me last night when Eloise had her crew over to hang out by the pool and eat pizza. Thankfully Theo and Hayley hadn’t been home so I wasn’t forced to go out and sit with them all.
I did think it was weird that last night was the first time I’d seen Finn at the house since my first day there. Plus, he’d never been there alone. It bugged me that I was so curious about his and Eloise’s relationship. Why should I care?
I cut Finn a look out of the corner of my eye. He was wearing a dark blue Henley with black jeans. All week I’d seen him in shirts that were rolled up at the sleeves and suit pants. Today his top was more fitted, highlighting his broad shoulders and slim waist. I’d discovered Finn was the only junior on the school’s very distinguished rowing crew, and to top that he was the stroke, the most important position in the boat. The stroke was the rower closest to the stern and set the stroke rate and rhythm for the rest of his crew to follow. In a way he was kind of like their leader, their captain.
Turning my focus on Franklin, I listened as he went over what we’d been discussing all week. Toward the end of class he sat on his desk and grinned at us in a way that made me wary. That was a grin that wanted something from us.
“So,” he said, “I’m going to split you into pairs and each team is going to give the class a verbal and visual presentation in two weeks.”
The tops of my ears got hot at Franklin’s announcement. This could either be a very good thing for me, or a very bad thing. If Franklin teamed me up with someone I didn’t know, then there was a chance I could straighten out a few of those rumors and actually make a friend. But if Franklin teamed me up with—
“Finn and India, you’ll be partners. Your topic is the Lisbon earthquake of 1755 and its social and political effects on the rest of the world.”
I was screwed.
I tensed as Franklin smiled at us, completely unaware of the major disaster he was creating.
I didn’t hear a word he said after that.
Bracing myself, I turned to Finn.
The muscle in his jaw ticked.
So he was pissed.
Well, that just pissed me off.
“Looks like you’re going to have to make eye contact with me,” I said.
He turned his head slightly to look at me. “Looks like it.”
“You know I’m not really a drug addict, right? Your good buddy Gabe made that crap up.”
His lips quirked at the corner.
My God...was that an actual semismile?
“I know,” he said.
“So that should make working with me a little more reassuring.”
I got no reply.
“You do also know that there is actual talking involved in a verbal presentation?”
“Was it the word verbal that gave it away?” he said.
I smirked. “I’m just pointing out that you’re going to have to work on this whole brooding monosyllabic thing you’ve got going on if we’re going to get a good grade.”
“Noted.”
“I guess you’re going to start working on it tomorrow, then.”
He sighed and sat back in his chair to look at me fully. “Do you have a smart reply to everything?”
“Not to Toaster Strudel.”
If I wasn’t mistaken that little quirk at the corner of his lips came back.
Did Finn actually have a sense of humor?
Before I could say anything more the bell rang, ending class. Finn immediately gathered his stuff.
“Before you go, we should arrange a time to meet up for this presentation.”
“After school Monday? I don’t have rowing then.”
“Sure. Where?”
“Front gate.” And with that clipped response he strode away.
Once the class had filtered out to head for lunch, I made my way over to Franklin. My heart rate was a little fast.
Do not get your hopes up. Do not get your hopes up, I chanted over and over in my head.
“India, thanks for staying behind,” Franklin said when I approached.
“Of course.”
“I’m sorry I’ve taken all week to get back to you. I was hoping to let you know what the situation was sooner but one of our students on the Chronicle surprised us by quitting. Too many after-school activities apparently.”
That meant there were two spots open on the paper, which gave me a better chance.
Do not get your hopes up.
Franklin smiled widely at me. “India, I have to admit that I’m really impressed by what you accomplished at your school paper. The stories you oversaw were current, important and on point. I particularly loved the article you wrote on your interview with the mayor. You asked some hard questions about city council budget cuts. Relevant questions.”
I flushed with pride at his compliment. “Thank you.”
“The other candidates were good but they weren’t good enough. I doubt any of them are truly interested in the Chronicle as much as they’re interested in adding as many extracurriculars to their schedule as they can to impress the Ivies.”
I raised an eyebrow at the comment and he laughed.
“I never said that.”
“I never heard it.”
“No matter my theories, the truth is at the end of the day you’re the best candidate. That’s why I’d like to offer you a place on the paper.”
Finally I was getting somewhere. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I see you doing well with the Chronicle. I think if you work hard enough this year the goal of making editor in your senior year wouldn’t be a fanciful one.”
Just what I had in mind. I grinned. “That would be wonderful. I’ll be the best book reviewer the Chronicle has ever seen.”
Franklin chuckled. “I’m sure you will. You’ll hopefully also be our final reader...our Ethics Maven. If you like?”
I was stunned by the offer. The Ethics Maven may not be a reporter but it was the person that gave reporters and editors the third degree on their stories, made sure they’d done their research properly, that their sources were legit and basically that they’d covered all their bases before the story went to print. It was a much better position than I’d hoped for because it meant I was involved in the process of mostly everything that went into the paper.
“Yes.” I gave a huff of pleased laughter. “Yes, of course. That’s great.”
“You can cope with both? Of course, I’ll be the final reader for your book reviews to keep things fair.”
“Fine, great.”
Franklin nodded and started to walk me toward the door. “Fantastic. Then welcome to the Tobias Rochester Chronicle. We’ll see you Monday after school in the newspaper office.”
“Great,” I agreed, and strode out of there feeling much happier than I had in a while.
It wasn’t until I hit the cafeteria and caught sight of Eloise’s table that I remembered I was supposed to meet Finn after school on Monday.
Crap.
* * *
I failed to find Finn to rearrange a time to meet to start on our presentation, but I’d probably see him over the weekend at the house or first thing at school on Monday.
For the first time ever I returned to Theo and Eloise’s house feeling not entirely grim about my new situation. For once Hayley was home when Gil delivered Eloise and me to the house but she was with her wedding planner. They were surrounded by magazines, pieces of material and a couple of large folders overflowing with what I could only assume was mind-numbing wedding “stuff.” Not wanting to get dragged into it I called out a quick hello and ran up the staircase. From what I could hear Eloise didn’t make her escape quick enough and had been drawn into the wedding zone.
Smirking at her misfortune I got settled in my room and did my homework for a few hours before Hayley stopped by to tell me dinner would be ready in thirty minutes.
I waited for her to leave and then decided I was done with homework for the night. Taking the back staircase so I could grab a soda from the kitchen before dinner, I was passing the second floor when I heard Theo’s raised voice coming from his office.
The sound made me tense and without even thinking about it I tiptoed closer to his office door. It was open a crack and when I peeked inside I saw Eloise sitting in a chair opposite her father’s desk. Theo sat behind what was possibly an antique desk, glowering at his daughter.
“Do you want to know how I know you’re lying?” he snapped.
I flinched back so I wouldn’t be caught, but holding my breath, I stayed to eavesdrop. I thought eavesdropping kind of sucked, but I’d been dumped into this strange house with a guy I didn’t know at all, and I’d do anything to uncover who he really was.
Eloise hadn’t replied to his angry question.
I heard Theo sigh. “I asked Headmaster Vanderbilt to keep an eye on things at school and report back to me on India’s progress. Would you like to know what he told me?”
More silence from his daughter.
“He told me he overheard a student aid in the office gossiping with a friend about how you are not only not making India feel welcome but that there are some suspicions you are responsible for a heinous rumor spread about India on her first day at school. Something about her recent stay at a drug rehabilitation center and being a bulimic as well as a recovering drug addict?”
“Daddy, I didn’t spread those rumors. That was Gabe and Bryce. I told people they weren’t true. I did, I promise.” She actually sounded like she meant it.
I heard Theo sigh again. “I believe you. But that doesn’t change the fact that you have shirked your duties this week. I specifically asked you to look out for India. Instead you’ve left her out in the cold. Is there something I’m not aware of? Are you unhappy with my relationship with Hayley and taking it out on India?”
“No, Daddy. I’m happy you’re happy. I like Hayley a lot.”
She sounded sincere about Hayley and I felt a pang of unease at the thought of the two of them growing close.
“So why aren’t you being welcoming to India?”
“I didn’t mean to be unwelcoming. I just... I don’t know how to be around her. We’re very different. It just felt easier to go on as I did before...before she got here.”
I was shocked by the whole conversation. It would seem Theo did care about how well I fit into my new life. I still didn’t know if that was because it reflected well on him or if he really cared about my feelings.
“Eloise, you’ve lived a very privileged life.” His voice had softened now. “India has not. You’re right. Our world is very different than the world she’s used to, and I can only imagine how overwhelming it is for her. You have to try to put yourself in her shoes. Compassion, Eloise. Compassion and kindness. You will show both to India. You will help her navigate the academic and social world of Tobias Rochester and you will teach her everything she needs to know in order to thrive here. Next week I expect to hear something very different from your headmaster. Is this understood?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
I stepped away quietly, hurrying down the hall and downstairs out of sight. The conversation I’d overheard made me feel unsettled and I wasn’t quite sure why. What I was sure of was that nothing would change come Monday morning. Sure, if Theo had threatened to cut off Eloise’s allowance, then maybe she would listen to him, but he hadn’t so I suspected I’d still be enjoying my lonerhood come Monday.
Not too long later I found myself at the dining table with the configuration that called itself my new family. Theo had immediately asked Hayley about her day so we got to listen to her go on about wedding plans again for another night. When she stopped to draw breath, Theo quickly asked me about my day at school.
I thought about the happy way it had ended. “I got two positions on the Chronicle.” I shot a look at Eloise but she had her head down, her fork moving some chicken around and around her plate, not seeming to hear a word I said. I turned back to Theo and Hayley. “I’m their new book reviewer and their Ethics Maven.”
Hayley grinned. “Sweetheart, that’s wonderful news! Oh, we should have gotten your favorite dessert to celebrate.”
“Ethics Maven?” Theo’s grin was almost as big as Hayley’s. “Really? India...that is fantastic. I’m very proud you made that happen in your first week. On your own, too,” he added meaningfully.
It sort of bugged me that he got how important that was. I didn’t particularly want to like anything about him.
“What’s your favorite dessert?” Theo asked me.
“Pecan pie and vanilla ice cream,” Hayley replied for me.
“Well, Eloise and I love pecan pie and vanilla ice cream, too. We’ll send out for it. One second.” He disappeared from the table before I could say anything and when he came back a minute later he smiled. “The local bakery is closed but Rosa is running out to the store to see if she can get a frozen one. Not quite the same but it should do.”
Hayley looked at him like he’d just said he’d solved world hunger. She leaned over the table to kiss his cheek. Her eyes flicked to me as she sat back in her seat. “What do you say, India?”
I just stopped myself from frowning. I hated it when anyone prompted me to act a certain way. Since it was a pretty decent thing he’d done, though, I managed to say thank you without adding a growl of annoyance.
“Ethics Maven on the Chronicle.” Theo squinted thoughtfully. “This year Ethics Maven, next year editor.”
“That’s the plan.”
“Good.” He looked over at his daughter. “Isn’t Finn the Chronicle’s photographer?”
I was surprised when a subdued Eloise nodded.
Finn was on the paper?
I would be working with Finn at the paper and we’d be working on a presentation together? Maybe that was a little bit too much Finn for my liking.
Wait...
If Finn was on the paper, then he had lied to me about meeting up after school Monday. He must have known he had a school paper meeting so that meant he’d planned on standing me up.
RUDE!
Quietly seething, not even the warmed-up pecan pie that arrived on my plate a while later was enough to dispel the cloudy thunderstorm above my head. I retreated to my room after dinner, angry at Finn and feeling generally gloomy about the quality of people in my new world.
I sat on my big princess bed watching the sun dip below the trees at the back of Theo’s grounds, my room welcoming in the shadows.
And when those shadows were swallowed up in the dark of the night I crawled under the covers to sleep and to escape the fact that not even the spots I got on the newspaper could change the fact that I was right where I was yesterday.
All alone.
CHAPTER 5 (#u2e87e5b1-71a8-500a-9100-9d4ffe3b0fe2)
THE NEXT MORNING I opened the French doors and felt the chill breeze on my skin. Although the sun was out, it seemed the unseasonably hot weather was coming to an end. It was a beautiful morning, though, and I decided to enjoy a little of my new life and have my breakfast outside.
I sat down in a lounge chair on the back patio and let the muted sun warm my face as my teeth tore into a huge chunk of the fresh croissant I’d gotten from the kitchen. Mmm, flaky goodness.
And that was the second best part of my day.
Like I suspected, Eloise had no intention of being friends with me. She took off with Charlotte and Bryce for the day. I had a swim in the gigantic pool despite the cool air and then spent the rest of the day studying. The best part of my day was when Anna FaceTimed me. We talked for a couple of hours before she had to get ready for a party at Kiersten’s. I did my best not to look glum when we said goodbye because I knew Anna would spend the rest of the night worrying about me if she detected I was sad.
When I came out of my room it was to discover that Eloise was off to a party. Theo thought I was with her so he and Hayley had gone out for dinner and Gretchen had taken off for the night. I was a little intimidated by the cook so I didn’t want to go into her kitchen and start moving things around. When the head housekeeper, Rosa, realized my predicament she gave me this look of sympathy that was akin to a knife in the chest. Rosa offered to make me something to eat, but her sympathy and the fact that I had been left out of my “family’s” plans just pissed me off.
Rosa scrutinized me. “Can you drive, Miss India?”
Although Hayley couldn’t afford to get me a car, I’d gotten my driver’s license that summer. “Yeah.”
“Miss Eloise’s car is in the garage. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you borrowing it, if you’d like to eat out this evening.”
Eloise had a car...that was something I did not know. I’d never seen her use it. I smiled at the thought of the freedom it would bring me. Really, I just wanted to get out of this godforsaken house. “That sounds perfect.”
I ran upstairs to get my purse and shoes and when I came back down Rosa was waiting on me. She handed me the keys to the garage house. “It’s the red Jaguar. Miss Eloise doesn’t like driving so it will be nice for the car to see some use.”
The large separate garage house was on the west of the property. Pressing a button on the keys I watched as one of the large doors automatically opened, revealing a number of cars. I wandered around the garage, checking out each one. There was a black Range Rover Sport, a white Mercedes SLK that Theo had gifted to Hayley a few days ago, a black Porsche 911 Carrera and a Jaguar F-type convertible.
The Jaguar was gorgeous. I ran my eyes over it, a little taken aback by how much I was drawn to a freaking car. I wondered if I had drool dribbling down my chin as I admired the deep metallic red.
Why did Eloise not drive this thing?
I walked over to the wall of hooks near the side door entrance and found the keys to the Jaguar. With excitement in my belly at the thought of driving the hot car, I slowly, carefully, got into the Jaguar. It still smelled of new leather.
I wrapped my fingers around the leather steering wheel and grinned.
Okay, so maybe there were perks to Theo’s world.
When I pulled out of the garage, I decided there was no maybe about it. The Jaguar was smooth and swift, and fit around my body like it had been built just for me. I’d lowered the roof to allow the cool night air to whisper over me as I drove, that whisper turning into a rougher caress as I picked up speed.
I didn’t know where I was going but in a car like this I didn’t even care. I headed east on the Boston Post Road until I saw signs for a diner called Maggie’s. I ended up about fifteen minutes outside Weston in a place called Waltham.
The diner had a retro look about it. Even the waitresses wore pink retro aprons over a cute white button-down shirt and a short black pencil skirt. Both girls had long hair pulled up into a high ponytail, tied with a pink ribbon, and they wore white bobby socks and white sneakers.
“Take a seat, honey,” a girl who didn’t look that much older than me called out.
I nodded and found a two-seater table in the corner out of the way. The smell of fried food made my stomach grumble.
After the waitress took my order, I slid the book I’d stuck in my purse out and I started to read.
And that’s how I whiled away my Saturday night.
It wasn’t depressing at all. Nope. Not. At. All.
I had to admit, though, I was pretty sad to put the Jag back in the garage. I couldn’t believe Eloise didn’t drive it more.
“India.” Theo practically ambushed me when I stepped inside the main house, striding into the entrance with Hayley at his back.
“Theo,” I said warily, wondering what had put the concern in his eyes.
“Your mother and I got home an hour ago only to discover you weren’t at the party. Rosa told us she gave you Eloise’s keys so you could get something to eat.”
“Yeah.” I shrugged, not wanting them to think that I thought it was a big deal. “I found a diner in Waltham. I ate and read there for a while.”
Both Theo and Hayley looked upset and not a little guilty. “We assumed Eloise had taken you to Bryce’s party. If we’d known she hadn’t, of course we would have arranged for you to have dinner with us.”
I clenched my jaw, my blood hot with humiliation. “I’m fine, okay? I told Eloise I didn’t want to go to the party.” Don’t ask me why I covered for her. I didn’t know the answer to that.
“Sweetheart, it’s not fine.” Hayley looked almost near tears. “I want us to be a family, not for you to feel alone.”
“It was one dinner, Hayley. Not exactly scarred here.”
She narrowed her eyes at my sarcasm, the tears having dissolved at my tone. “I’m trying to apologize.”
“Apology accepted. May I go to my room now?”
Annoyingly, Hayley looked to Theo for the answer to this. He didn’t look happy, but he nodded, and I quickly skirted past them and up the stairs.
Of course I’d lied to Hayley. It wasn’t fine. In fact, I could feel my resentment simmering on a higher heat day after day.
* * *
A shadow fell over me as I lazed on a lounge chair by the pool the next morning. I’m sure Theo and Hayley thought my absence from breakfast was some teenage tantrum about what happened last night, but honestly, I just wasn’t in the mood to face them. I’d nabbed a bowl of cereal in the kitchen while Gretchen was out of sight.
I sighed, thinking the shadow belonged to Hayley, and looked up and to my side.
I tensed.
Eloise stood over me, studying me, a million questions in her eyes. Once she had my attention she sat down on the chair next to mine.
This time she was the one who gave a heavy, almost defeated-sounding sigh. “You told Daddy you didn’t want to go to the party instead of telling him I didn’t invite you.”
Since it wasn’t really a question, I didn’t answer.
Her expression was guarded. “Why?”
I shrugged.
A few seconds of silence passed between us but it felt more like minutes.
“I didn’t spread those rumors at school,” she suddenly said.
Surprised that she felt the need to proclaim her innocence to me, I kept my own expression guarded, wondering what she was up to. “I know.”
Eloise raised one slim, perfect eyebrow. “You do?”
“Gabe told me he spread the rehab rumor. And I heard Bryce was responsible for that b.s. about my being bulimic.”
Biting her lip, Eloise nodded. “The bulimia rumor was partly my fault. I told her about the way you acted over our leftovers. But she came up with the bulimia thing on her own.”
“I bet she did,” I murmured.
Eloise studied her peach-painted toenails for a while. “I haven’t meant to be a bitch to you.” She looked up warily. “I just... I don’t think we have a lot in common.”
As much as I wanted in with the “in” crowd, I couldn’t deny she had a point. “I guess we don’t.”
She nodded, seeming to relax knowing that I agreed with her. “Daddy’s really mad at me right now. He doesn’t get mad at me a lot. He asked me to look out for you at school and found out that I didn’t.”
“I don’t need you to look out for me.”
“Yes, but I imagine it’s not really fun sitting alone during lunch.”
I didn’t reply because it wasn’t.
“I love my father,” Eloise said abruptly. “He’s one of my best friends. I don’t like disappointing him.”
I’d kind of worked that out for myself, and in my secret heart of hearts I was jealous as hell.
“Okay...”
“Tomorrow at school things will change. You’ll sit with us at lunch, walk with us in the hall.” She looked off in the distance, her shoulders hunched to her ears. “We can’t force friendship, but we can certainly be civil to one another.”
She was so proper, so constrained. It occurred to me that her demeanor was a defensive strategy. It hid her emotions. It hid her vulnerabilities. It was a different kind of defense from my own, but a defense nonetheless, and I found that it was a small piece of common ground between us.
So I replied, “That works for me. Thanks.”
Eloise looked back at me, apparently surprised by my response as her face softened with questions and curiosity. But the look was fleeting and just like that the warmth was zapped from her hazel eyes, the cold distance crystallizing in them once more.
“Well—” she stood up “—I’m off to Finn’s. I’ll see you later.”
“Bye.” I watched her leave, more confused than ever. Like her father, I couldn’t figure Eloise out. As much as I’d been convinced she and Theo would be the villains in this chapter of my life, now I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that was true.
No matter my confusion, the apprehension I’d been carrying around with me for the past week was draining from me.
Tomorrow at school I was to make my first appearance with the “in” crowd. I had a lot to overcome, what with the rehab and bulimia rumors, but those would be so much easier to get past while walking at the side of the most popular juniors at Tobias Rochester High.
I smiled, my shoulders melting into the lounge chair. I was on my way to making my way back up to the top again.
CHAPTER 6 (#u2e87e5b1-71a8-500a-9100-9d4ffe3b0fe2)
WHATEVER I WAS expecting the next morning, the usual awkward, tense silence between Eloise and me wasn’t it. Yet awkward, tense silence was what I got.
I’m not going to lie—I had a moment of panic as we slid into the town car, thinking yesterday’s encounter had been a dream and I was back to being persona non grata with her.
Thankfully, as Gil pulled out of the drive, Eloise spoke.
“When we arrive at school you’ll walk in with me.”
I looked at her. She wasn’t looking at me. She was staring forlornly out the window.
Maybe if she’d been pissed off about the fact that she had to give me the time of day, I would have enjoyed the situation more. As it was, the wary look on her face not only confused me but it almost made me want to cut her some slack and tell her to forget about helping me. If it were any other rich princess I’d say Eloise was bothered by the fact that she had to associate with a lowly peasant such as myself, but somehow I knew that wasn’t what was bothering her.
It was something deeper.
Something more troubling.
And that confused the hell out of me.
It also made me a little uneasy.
“Okay,” I said softly.
My tone made her look at me and just like that the forlorn expression she’d been wearing was wiped away. The cold distance was back.
“You’ll be okay.” Her words were kind, but her tone was empty.
“Yeah.” I nodded and looked out the other window. “I always am.”
We were silent the rest of the way to school and I knew for sure then that Eloise may be welcoming me into her group for the sake of appearances, but I was still an outsider to her.
Gil gave me a bolstering smile when he saw that Eloise was waiting for me to get out of the car. I wished him a good day and followed my new “friend” through the school gates. Walking at her side, I immediately drew stares from our fellow students. Confusion seemed to be the most popular expression among them.
I knew by the unsurprised looks on Bryce’s and Charlotte’s faces that Eloise had already forewarned them about me. Bryce gave me this cool little chin nod of acknowledgment, while Charlotte full-out beamed at me.
“Hey, India.”
Her warm welcome soothed me a little. “Hey.” I smiled back, doing my best not to feel like a total fish out of water as we stood by Eloise’s locker.
“Do you need to go to your locker?” Eloise asked, but she was putting books in hers so I didn’t know who she was talking to.
“She means you.” Bryce sighed as if I was an idiot.
I ignored her. “Yeah, I do.”
Eloise slammed her locker door shut. “Well, let’s go, then.”
Wow. She really meant it when she said we would hang out in the halls. I led the way, Eloise at my side, while Bryce and Charlotte chatted behind us. They were gossiping about some girl called Katherine who had “so obviously been coming on to Finn” at Bryce’s party that Saturday night.
I glanced at Eloise for a reaction to this. I saw a flash of something that looked an awful lot like jealousy cross her eyes before she turned to stone.
“She is so delusional. As if Finn would ever go for her,” Bryce said.
“She’s a senior. And she’s very pretty,” Eloise suddenly murmured.
Was that insecurity I heard?
“Uh, not as pretty as you,” Charlotte defended her friend heatedly.
“And let’s not forget the fact that you’re a Fairweather, Elle.” Bryce rubbed Eloise’s shoulder reassuringly. “Katherine’s only a Kelter. Rochesters don’t date nobodies like that.”
I just barely contained my snort at the outrageous comment. These people were crazy choosing who was cool enough to date based on their family’s last name. Not only had I moved across the country, I’d moved into a freaking Jane Austen novel.
Eloise didn’t seem to hear her friends. “As I was saying, she’s a senior and she’s pretty, but Finn and I are solid. No one is breaking us up.” It was the first time I’d heard any kind of passion from her. And it was about Finn. Clearly he was more important to her than I’d thought.
Her tone made Charlotte quickly change the subject to the calculus homework she was struggling with. Eloise offered to tutor her as we reached my locker, and as I sorted books into it and got out my Microeconomics stuff, I realized I hadn’t once been invited into the conversation and my response wasn’t really expected.
I sighed inwardly.
I could cope with that.
For now.
The bell rang and the four of us walked to our Microeconomics class. I started toward my seat on the other side of the room when Charlotte’s voice stopped me.
“Where are you going?”
“My seat.” I gestured to it.
Bryce sighed. “I don’t think so.” She rolled her eyes and motioned me to the seat next to Charlotte’s. If I remembered correctly it also happened to be the seat in front of Finn. “Sit.”
“Isn’t that someone else’s seat?”
“It was. Now it’s yours,” Bryce insisted. “Sit.”
I looked at Eloise, who was settling in. She nodded. “Sit.”
Okay, then.
I’d just put my ass in the seat when Finn wandered in with Gabe and Joshua. My eyes clashed with Finn’s first and this time he held my stare. The fact that he did made me breathless for some weird, stupid reason. My cheeks felt hot as he approached, but he broke the moment by looking away. Without acknowledging me he passed us, squeezing his girlfriend’s shoulder. “Hey,” he said to her as he took the seat beside her.
Eloise gave him a small smile. “Hey. You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re here.” Gabe sat on my desk, taking my focus off the couple. He was grinning down at me. “I knew this day would come.”
I smirked at him. “Apparently my charm is too great to resist.”
Bryce snorted derisively as Gabe laughed.
“Yo, India,” Joshua said behind him as he took the seat next to Bryce.
I nodded a hello and looked back at Gabe. “Are you planning on staying there?”
“Well, we could remove the desk between us.” He waggled his eyebrows at me suggestively.
It was my turn to snort. “Unless you’re Channing Tatum I really don’t want a lap dance.”
Charlotte giggled.
“Pfft,” Gabe huffed. “Magic Mike ain’t got nothin’ on me.”
“What kind of accent was that?” Joshua turned around to tease his friend.
“Street,” Gabe said as if it was obvious.
“What street?”
“Shut up. Dude, you’re salting my game.”
I burst out laughing. “Okay, get off my desk.”
“Yes, Gabe, get off her desk,” our Microeconomics teacher, Mr. Adams, said as he strolled into the classroom.
Gabe pouted comically and then just as swiftly he grinned, winked at me and jumped up to take the seat beside Finn.
Now that Gabe wasn’t in my face I took a quick look around our classroom and, sure enough, most everyone was staring at me.
I shrugged it off and faced forward, but inside I had happy little butterflies.
They all thought I was “in.” I could have kissed Gabe.
Relaxing, I was readying myself to put thoughts of my popularity on hold and concentrate on class when I felt this tingling on the back of my neck.
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Samantha Young
I know how to watch my back. I'm the only one that ever has.India Maxwell hasn't just moved across the country—she's plummeted to the bottom rung of the social ladder. It's taken years to cover the mess of her home life with a veneer of popularity. Now she's living in one of Boston's wealthiest neighbourhoods with her mom's fiancé and his daughter, Eloise. Thanks to her soon-to-be stepsister's clique of friends, including Eloise's gorgeous, arrogant boyfriend, Finn, India feels like the one thing she hoped never to be seen as again: trash.But India's not alone in struggling to control the secrets of her past. Eloise and Finn, the school's golden couple, aren't all they seem to be. In fact, everyone's life is infinitely more complex than it first appears. And as India grows closer to Finn and befriends Eloise, threatening the facades that hold them together, what's left are truths that are brutal, beautiful and big enough to change them forever…From New York Times bestselling author Samantha Young comes a story of friendship, identity and acceptance that will break your heart—and make it whole again.
“I know how to watch my back. I’m the only one that ever has.”
India Maxwell hasn’t just moved across the country—she’s plummeted to the bottom rung of the social ladder. It’s taken years to cover the mess of her home life with a veneer of popularity. Now she’s living in one of Boston’s wealthiest neighborhoods with her mom’s fiancé and his daughter, Eloise. Thanks to her soon-to-be stepsister’s clique of friends, including Eloise’s gorgeous, arrogant boyfriend, Finn, India feels like the one thing she hoped never to be seen as again: trash.
But India’s not alone in struggling to control the secrets of her past. Eloise and Finn, the school’s golden couple, aren’t all they seem to be. In fact, everyone’s life is infinitely more complex than it first appears. And as India grows closer to Finn and befriends Eloise, threatening the facades that hold them together, what’s left are truths that are brutal, beautiful and big enough to change them forever...
From New York Times bestselling author Samantha Young comes a story of friendship, identity and acceptance that will break your heart—and make it whole again.
The Impossible Vastness of Us
Samantha Young
“What is it you’re hiding?” I asked.
“I can’t tell you. Please just trust me.”
Hurt swept through me
but I tamped it down. It wasn’t
my place to demand Finn’s secrets.
My frustration was suddenly
mirrored in his eyes.
“I wish things were different.”
But they weren’t.
I didn’t know if I was angry
at Finn or just angry that nothing
ever seemed to be easy for me.
Everything was always a fight...
SAMANTHA YOUNG is a New York Times bestselling author who resides in Scotland. Her novels have been published in thirty countries. When Samantha’s not writing books, she’s reading them. Or she’s shoe shopping.
For my amazing agent, Lauren Abramo.
You were my very wise guide on this journey.
It is a tale that would have been quite different without you.
Thank you, my friend.
Contents
Cover (#u721c5a3f-2eb5-564e-b204-dcf49f87b600)
Back Cover Text (#u0ec9ac4d-2dad-5150-99d0-8db8602c01a0)
Title Page (#uf369207b-9ccb-5ee2-b47c-cf300e97562f)
Introduction (#u86e9dfb6-e7da-5f47-88b9-90ba32e7ea1d)
About the Author (#ua7c5af38-37a3-55a0-bfb4-d6c9a3b487fb)
Dedication (#u9089a2e2-e591-5e00-9ba2-b19e0f75b97c)
CHAPTER 1 (#ub2523766-1ecd-5448-b593-4399f2183656)
CHAPTER 2 (#ub470da9b-c651-5048-abe7-9920a3cefdea)
CHAPTER 3 (#udf090f1f-689d-5227-8c13-4eb8a999dc52)
CHAPTER 4 (#uad74d753-34b9-52f7-87b3-6493ed41356e)
CHAPTER 5 (#ucddb02b5-b21c-5e03-b237-18d3d84460ab)
CHAPTER 6 (#ub1a7e30e-4400-58c4-ba82-c484c7f63703)
CHAPTER 7 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 8 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 9 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 10 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 11 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 12 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 15 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 16 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 17 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 18 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 19 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 20 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 21 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 22 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 23 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 24 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 25 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 26 (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 27 (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 1 (#u2e87e5b1-71a8-500a-9100-9d4ffe3b0fe2)
“AND WHAT IS THIS?”
Jay and I broke apart from our kiss to find Hayley standing in the doorway. She stood looking young and attractive in her black-and-gold flight attendant uniform, glaring at us.
Her dark brown hair was pulled back in a severe bun that only accentuated her high cheekbones and big dark eyes. Hayley was really pretty and I’d been told I looked a lot like her. Except for the eyes. I had his eyes. People told me all the time how amazing my eyes were. I would have given anything for Hayley’s eyes.
I knew without a doubt that my looks were one of the reasons Jay James couldn’t quite give up on trying to get into my pants. Not that I was cynical or anything.
Jay was a year older than me, smart, but a total bad boy. Tattoos, check. Piercings, check. Motorcycle, check. Every girl in my school wanted a piece of him and for whatever reason he liked me.
We had been making out on my couch for about ten minutes. Jay had nice lips and I’d hoped that when he kissed me I’d feel something other than the wet touch of mouth and tongue against mouth and tongue.
The romance novels I’d found stashed in Hayley’s closet said I was supposed to feel all hot and tingly.
Kissing was supposed to be exciting.
I didn’t find it all that exciting. “Nice” was about as good as kissing had gotten for me. And as always my mind wandered due to the lack of excitement. This time it had wandered to Hayley. She was up to something. I knew it. As a flight attendant she was away a lot, but her trips were longer than usual. She was also acting weird and shifty, hiding her phone from me when it buzzed with a notification, and having whispered conversations in her bedroom. Something was up. I just hoped that something wasn’t a guy.
It was like my wayward thoughts had conjured her.
“This is Jay,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest in defiance at the stern look on her face.
I hated when she acted like she gave a crap.
“I don’t care who he is.” Hayley tried to fry his ass with her eyes. “You can leave.”
Jay stared back at her with as much defiance as I did, making me like him more. He turned to me and pressed a slow, intimate kiss to the corner of my mouth. “See you at school, babe.”
He laughed at the mischief in my eyes.
I waited until he’d brushed by Hayley without a word and I heard the front door close behind him. “Nice. Thanks.”
Hayley’s dark eyes narrowed into slits. “Don’t talk to me like that. I’m tired, it’s been a long day and now I come home and find my daughter being mauled by some walking hormone. Am I supposed to be happy that you’re dating some guy who looks like he’s seen the inside of prison more than once?”
“We’re not dating. We’re just fooling around.”
“Oh, well, then, why am I so upset?” She threw her hands up in exasperation.
“Hayley.”
She flinched, like she always flinched when I called her by her name (so she flinched a lot). “Don’t ‘Hayley’ me. I have a right to be upset about this.”
“Don’t be. I’m not serious about him. And I’m not getting pregnant. Anyway, you’re home early.”
“They put me on a shorter flight.” She dumped her purse on the couch as she moved farther into the room. “We’ll discuss Jay later. I need to tell you something.”
I tensed. “Yeah?”
She stared pensively at me for a few seconds before finally taking a seat by my side. “I’ve met someone.”
Dread instantly filled me.
Scrutinizing me for a reaction and getting none, Hayley smiled reassuringly. “He’s wonderful. His name is Theo and he has a daughter who’s actually your age. He lives in Boston. We met on one of my flights out there.”
My stomach churned. “How long?”
“Several months ago.”
“I knew something was going on,” I muttered.
“I’m sorry I kept it from you for so long... I just wanted to make sure it was real between us.”
“And is it?”
“Very much so. We’ve fallen in love.”
“That’s some long-distance relationship.”
“I stay with him when I fly out there. I see him as often as possible.”
I snorted. “And you think he’s faithful all the times you’re not around?”
“Don’t.” She cut a hand through the air. “Those are your trust issues, India. Not mine.”
My blood boiled with indignation. She was completely naive if she thought for one second this guy wasn’t a loser. She had chosen badly before, after all. I had a right to the dread that was making me feel sick.
“I just wanted to give you a heads-up that it’s serious.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means that if this is going where I think it’s going, then that might mean a big life change for us.”
Oh, hell.
I stared at her in horror.
Hayley sighed wearily at the expression I wasn’t even trying to conceal. “I’m going to make a cup of tea. I’m tired so we’ll talk about Jay another time.” She turned but then stopped to stare sadly at me. “Thanks for being so happy for me, by the way.”
That didn’t even deserve a response.
There was a time Hayley couldn’t give a damn about my happiness. I felt it only fair that I feel apathetic now about hers.
* * *
“So wait, what does that mean?” Anna stared at me with big round eyes. “Are you, like, moving to Boston?”
Thursday. Days after Hayley dropped her bombshell that included a possible “big life change for us.” She’d left for Boston on Tuesday, and I’d barely heard from her. This lack of communication had finally made me tell Anna what was going on.
I leaned against my locker, glaring at the opposite wall. Unfortunately, said locker was situated right next to the guys’ bathroom, which meant enduring Eau de Teenage Turd every day. “I have no idea.”
“That’s what she meant, though, right?”
“Probably.”
“Why aren’t you freaking out more?” She stood directly in front of me now, hands on her hips as she glared up at me. “I’m freaking out!” She flapped her arms around. “Freak out with me!”
“Why are you freaking out?” Siobhan said as she, Kiersten and Tess stopped by my locker. “Is it because Leanne Ingles looks like a walking thrift store today?” she called out loud enough for Leanne Ingles to hear as she passed us. I watched Leanne turn bright red and felt my blood heat.
“Don’t be a bitch,” I snapped at Siobhan.
“I’m just saying, terrible dress, ugly mess.”
“You were being horrible.” And it was hardly the first time. If it were up to Siobhan she’d rule the school with terror and meanness.
“Whatever.” She sighed. “Why are you freaking out, Anna? And why are you doing it in front of India’s locker? This whole area should be quarantined.” She wrinkled her nose at the bathroom doors.
“Lunch,” I stated firmly before pushing off my locker door. I strode away, knowing they’d follow.
I heard their footsteps and suddenly I had Anna on my right, Siobhan on my left and Kiersten and Tess right at my back.
“So?” Siobhan nudged me with her elbow. “What is Anna flipping out over?”
“India’s mom might be moving them to Boston!”
The girls shot me stunned looks at Anna’s outburst, but I ignored them as I also tried to ignore the swarm of butterflies in my stomach.
“Boston?” Siobhan gasped. “No. Ugh.”
Siobhan was a California girl. As far as she was concerned there was sunny CA and then there was the rest of the world. I almost grinned at her disgust.
“You’ll so lose your tan,” Tess said sympathetically.
I glanced at her over my shoulder. “And that’s my biggest concern?”
“No, her biggest concern is Jay,” Kiersten insisted. “You can’t leave Jay. He’s totally in love with you.”
I wanted to roll my eyes at the fairy tale Kiersten had obviously been weaving in her head these last few weeks. “No, he’s not.” I shook my head and looked forward. “And that’s not my biggest concern, either.”
“Her biggest concern is leaving me,” Anna huffed.
Actually, the answer was none of the above. The truth was my biggest concern was the dude we would be moving to Boston for. But Anna was definitely up there, too. If there was anyone in my life that I truly cared about, it was her. I had lied to her about my past, I had kept my secrets and I didn’t really tell her what was going on in my head most of the time, but I gave her more of me than I gave to anyone else. It didn’t bother her, either. Our friendship was based on the fact that she trusted me. I’m a vault. Anna knew she could tell me anything without fear that I’d gossip about it. I had seen her through her parents’ really freaking messed-up divorce and the fallout—she had sex for the first time when she was only fourteen and she was too young. It was a difficult time for her and I was there. Not judging her. Just being there.
It meant a lot to her.
She’d be sad if I left her.
I’d worry about her without me.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I told her, wishing I felt as confident as I sounded.
“Hey, India.” A group of juniors waved as they headed into the caf.
I threw them a smile and followed them in.
“Remember we have our first dance committee meeting this afternoon,” I reminded the girls. “We have to start planning Winter Formal.”
“I don’t even see the point in organizing the vote for Winter Snow Queen this year. We all know you’re going to win.” Kiersten’s voice held more than a hint of envy.
I shrugged, but I couldn’t argue. There was more than a passing possibility that my classmates would vote to make me queen.
If there was one thing I’d mastered more than any of my classes, it was the art of being well-liked. I wasn’t rich, I wasn’t snooty, I didn’t judge people and I had the ability to hide how different I felt from everybody else. I made an effort and I tried to be friends with people from all cliques. I was on the school newspaper. I was on the debate team. I was on the girls’ soccer team. I was the theater manager.
I was really, really busy.
And that was just the way I liked it. Needed it actually. Being popular wasn’t about the attention. It was about the control it gave me. It was much harder to be hurt, and much harder to lose the game, when I held all the right cards. I was the most popular girl in junior year, and if Hayley didn’t ruin everything by moving us to the east coast, I’d be ruling the school next year.
After standing in line for food that resembled something a cat might throw up we settled down at our usual table.
“Is someone going to fill me in on the whole Boston thing?” Siobhan asked, a gleam in her eyes.
Siobhan was captain of the girls’ soccer team, pretty, smart and rich. As far as she was concerned I was sitting in her seat. I bet she was secretly thrilled I might be taking off for Boston.
“Hayley met someone there. It might be serious.”
“That sucks. Sorry,” Tess said.
“Hey, it’s Hayley. They’ll probably break up in a week.”
“Seriously, if you move to Boston I’m moving with you.” Anna’s expression was glum as she stared at her sandwich.
“Eat.” I nudged her elbow.
“You and food.” She sighed but picked up the sandwich.
I bit into my own and stared around the cafeteria, drinking it all in. I really hoped this time next year I’d still be sitting right where I was now.
In life’s driver’s seat.
As if Hayley heard my inner longing, my phone buzzed in my pocket, and when I pulled it out there was a text from her.
I need you home after school. We need to talk. xx
The sandwich turned to dirt in my mouth but I kept eating. I chewed slowly as my chest started to feel a little tight.
“India, you okay?”
I swallowed hard and shoved my phone toward Anna. “I think I’m moving to Boston.”
She paled and looked down at the text. “Shit.”
* * *
I stared out at the Fair Oaks High School parking lot, more aware of the fast thump of my heart in my chest than I had been during soccer practice. Practice had run a little late and I knew Hayley was probably getting antsy.
I felt nauseous but it was time to face the music so I took out my phone and called her.
“Where are you?” she said instead of “Hello.”
“Soccer practice ran late and Siobhan had a dentist appointment so she couldn’t give me a ride home.”
“Damn, I forgot you had practice. I’m on my way.”
Lowering myself to the curb, I flicked through my phone, checking social media and answering notifications. Anna had sent me a Snapchat. It was a picture of an ice pop with the Boston Red Sox logo Photoshopped onto it. Over the picture she had scrawled a message.
Tell Hayley to suck it! YOU’RE NOT MOVING TO BOSTON! Xoxo
I smiled grimly and waited.
When Hayley arrived I got into the car without a word and we drove home to the apartment in silence. Once inside, Hayley finally spoke.
“I thought we could do takeout tonight.”
We couldn’t afford to do take-out nights all the time. Take-out nights were reserved for birthdays and the last night of school summer vacation. Sometimes even Thanksgiving.
Something was up. “Aren’t you supposed to be on a flight somewhere right about now?”
She shrugged, avoiding my gaze as she wandered into the kitchen.
I followed her, watching as she pulled take-out menus out of our kitchen drawer.
“What do you want? Chinese, Indian, Thai, Lebanese?”
“I want to get this ‘talk’ over with.”
Hayley regarded me, taking in my tension and the hard look in my eyes. Finally she sighed. “This is good news, India. Truly it is.”
“Just say it.”
“Theo proposed. I said yes. And we don’t want to wait. We’re getting married this December.”
My mouth dropped open. “I haven’t even met him!”
She pinched the bridge of her nose at my shout. “And that would be a concern if you were younger. But you’re starting junior year. You’re sixteen. Before we know it, you’ll be going off to college.” She stepped toward me and grabbed my hand. I let her squeeze it. “And, sweetheart, you can go to any college you want now.”
“How?”
“Theo is...well, he’s wealthy. And he’s already made it perfectly clear that he wants the very best for me, and that means the very best for you.”
“Are you trying to buy my acceptance of this whole ridiculous thing? You are aware that this isn’t normal, right?”
Hayley dropped my hand. “Don’t be melodramatic. I just want you to know that, yes, of course it will be difficult to leave behind school and your friends here and move to Massachusetts, but the upside is that we’ll never have another financial worry in our lives. Ever.”
Jesus, how wealthy was this guy?
As if she read the question on my face, Hayley smiled dreamily. “He’s an incredibly well-respected attorney from a wealthy family. Boston’s elite.”
“And he’s marrying you?”
“Nice,” she snapped. “Very nice.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” I shrugged. “I just... I thought those people stuck to their own.”
“Usually. But Theo doesn’t care about that stuff. He just wants to marry the woman he loves.” She waved away my negativity with a shake of her hair over her shoulders. “He married a well-to-do woman, and they had a daughter, Eloise, before she died of cancer a few years ago. He hasn’t been serious about another woman since, until me.”
“Oh my God.” I shook my head in disgust. “You think you’re living in a fairy tale.”
“Don’t talk to me like that.”
“You’re hauling me across the country to move in with some guy I’ve never met!” I heard the hysteria creep into my voice, but couldn’t seem to stop it. “Let’s remember the last guy you chose that I had to live with. Or have you already forgotten?”
Understanding dawned on Hayley’s face. It was shocking that I even had to say it out loud. A good mother would have known exactly why I was taking this so hard. “Oh, sweetheart.” She moved toward me but stopped when I flinched back. “Theo is not like him. Not anything like him. I’m not a stupid kid anymore. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.”
I stared at the floor, trying to will my heart rate to slow. I could barely hear anything over the whooshing of blood in my ears.
I started at Hayley’s touch and looked up. She’d decided to ignore my body language and cross the room to take hold of my arms. She ducked her face to stare into my eyes.
“No one,” she whispered fiercely, “no one will hurt you. I promise.”
Liar.
LIAR.
LIAR!
The scream rang out inside of me but somehow I swallowed it.
This was happening.
She was taking my control away.
I slumped beneath her touch, dropped my eyes from the promises in hers and nodded. She kissed my forehead and squeezed my arms.
“Why do we have to move? If he has so much money, why can’t he move here?”
“Because it’s not like he’s a lawyer who can move to another firm. He owns the firm. Plus, Eloise goes to a very good school in Boston. It just makes more sense for us to move there.”
“We’re two weeks into the semester already. What about my classes?”
“Classes at your new school don’t start until next week. By the time you start there it will be the end of September, which means you’ll only have a missed a few weeks of classes instead of a month.
“Sweetie, this is going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to either of us. And didn’t you hear the part about Theo being a lawyer? I know you want to work in the district attorney’s office one day. Theo can open doors for you there.”
I was stunned she’d even considered that for me. I wanted to put criminals behind bars where they belonged, and so I didn’t want to just study to be a lawyer, I wanted more. I wanted to work my way into the district attorney’s office one day, and in my secret heart of hearts...I wanted to be the DA. I didn’t realize Hayley had actually listened to me about my career aspirations.
But still... I wanted to do it on my own. I didn’t want to depend on anyone to get me there, especially not Hayley’s new sugar daddy.
* * *
Fries. Pop-Tarts. Cap’n Crunch. A Hershey’s bar. Burger. With cheese. I really like cheese. And mustard and ketchup on top. SpaghettiOs with little hot dogs cut up into it. Like Mommy used to make.
Stop thinking of food.
I can’t even cry. It would hurt too much to cry. Take too much effort.
Too cold. The shower in our tiny bathroom in the trailer wasn’t the best place to sleep. I had water. But the water was starting to hurt my tummy.
How long had it been? I needed food.
I tried to get out but he’d done something to stop the door opening on the other side and I could see he’d boarded up the tiny window above the sink.
Sleepiness kept coming for me.
I was so tired of thinking about food.
Just be sleepy.
I heard the stomping of feet outside the door.
A cracking sound.
I felt a sudden tingle of warmth over my face.
“Open your eyes, Trash.”
I opened my eyes.
He glared at me from the narrow doorway. “Punishment is over. I’m sick of using Carla’s bathroom.”
My mouth felt dusty. Dry. Gritty. Like our road outside in the hot summer.
“Well?” He grabbed my arm and hauled me up. It hurt more than usual. “Get the fuck out.”
He let me go and I fell against the door frame, then slumped to the ground.
My legs didn’t work right, I thought, panicked.
Suddenly pain flared up my side and I turned.
He drew his foot back from contact with my hip. “I said get the fuck out.”
Somehow I managed to crawl.
The bathroom door slammed shut behind me. I lay on the floor of our kitchen, staring up at the cupboards.
Finally I whimpered.
There was food. But I was too tired to reach for it.
* * *
I WAS TOLD WHEN I GET OLDER ALL MY FEARS WOULD SHRINK!
I shot awake at the blaring sound of Twenty One Pilots coming from my phone. My alarm. Fumbling for the phone, I turned off the alarm and sat back.
My body was coated in sweat.
I hadn’t had a nightmare like that in a long time but it didn’t take Freud to figure out why the bad dreams were back.
After all, in a couple of weeks I was moving all the way across the country to live with a man I’d never even met.
Groaning, I dragged myself out of bed, wondering why I had been blessed with the most selfish, irresponsible mother on the planet.
* * *
“I can’t believe India is really moving.”
At the mention of my name I halted before turning the corner in the hall. I was on my way to a dance committee meeting after school.
“I can. It’s the first thing since she got here that’s ever made sense,” Siobhan said.
I narrowed my eyes. She was such a bitch.
“How do you mean?” Tess said.
“Oh, please, Tess. You and I both know that India doesn’t bring much to the table. Look where she lives compared to me. She’s way trash. I’m way live. I have the big party house and the pool. And my house is by the beach. She lives in some poky little apartment that only Anna has seen the inside of. It’s a crime that she’s as popular as she is.”
I barely heard anything after “She’s way trash.”
Panic had seized my chest at those words.
No.
This was supposed to be my safe place.
No one could talk about me like that here.
As long as I was still here, this was my kingdom. I whirled around the corner. Tess was already striding down the hall toward the classroom the dance committee used for meetings.
Siobhan had been staring after her but jerked a little at the sight of me.
I eyed her carefully as I passed. “Well. Are you coming or not?”
“I am, but why are you?” she grumbled as she fell into step beside me. “It’s not like you’ll even be here for the formal.”
“Then, no. But I’m still here now,” I reminded her.
And I got more joy than I should have when everyone in the room greeted me enthusiastically and barely acknowledged Siobhan, and still more when a lot of my suggestions were taken despite the fact that I’d be long gone by the time of the actual dance.
I was in control.
Siobhan and her words couldn’t touch me in that room.
“You look tired,” Anna told me quietly once the meeting was over.
I couldn’t exactly tell her that was because, for the fifth time this past week, I’d had one of the old nightmares. It had woken me up at three that morning and I couldn’t get back to sleep.
“Just exhausted. Packing and stuff, you know.”
“I know. Don’t remind me.” Anna wrapped her arm around my waist and pulled me into her. “Did Hayley tell you any more about this guy?”
“A little. And I Googled him.”
Her eyes grew round with curiosity. “What did you find?”
Nothing incriminating. But still something terrifying. “Hayley said he was wealthy. She meant wealthy. This guy is high society. She’s moving me into high society. Me.” I felt the growing panic in my chest, knowing that climbing the social ladder in Boston was going to be near impossible. Being bottom of the social hierarchy was a nightmare. People didn’t notice you down there, and when you were almost invisible there was no one to care if anything bad happened to you. No one to swoop in and stop you from being hurt.
It was a different kind of social ladder altogether in Theodore Robert Fairweather, Esq.’s world. “How am I ever going to fit in there?”
“Not everyone at your school will be wealthy.”
Unfortunately, Anna was wrong. “Most of them will. I’m going to private school.”
She looked as horrified as I felt. “No joke?”
“No joke.”
“Like with a little plaid skirt and stuff?”
“I checked out the school’s website and there doesn’t seem to be an actual uniform, but it’s on a whole other level academically.” Which was good for my application to college, but would mean having to work that little bit harder, and working that little bit harder meant cutting into my plans for social climbing. “The tuition fee is insane. Apparently Theodore got me in without an interview thanks to his name alone.”
Anna wrinkled her nose. “Wow. I can’t believe you’re moving in with Mr. Moneybags and you haven’t even met him. Your mom is such a flake. This is like a TV show.”
I gave a bark of bitter laughter. “My whole life is like a TV show.”
CHAPTER 2 (#u2e87e5b1-71a8-500a-9100-9d4ffe3b0fe2)
THE HOUSE IN WESTON, Massachusetts, was a mansion. An actual mansion.
I stood on the driveway outside, my neck craning back, and took in the massive redbrick building. It had gray slate tiles on the roof and bright white wood-framed windows. It also went on and on and on.
“Do you like it?”
I swallowed hard and glanced over at Hayley’s fiancé and my soon-to-be StepVader—I mean, stepfather. Theodore Fairweather was in his midforties, tall, athletically built and, I guess, good-looking for an old guy. To top it off he owned a home that could fit our California apartment inside it twenty, thirty times over.
“It’s big,” I said.
Theo laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. They did that a lot. I supposed that meant he laughed a lot. That didn’t mean he was a kind man, though. Those laughing blue eyes could still be hiding cruelty. People were, after all, masters at deception. “It is big,” he agreed.
“You know I love it.” Hayley laid her head on his shoulder. “I can’t believe we’re finally here.”
“I can’t, either.” He kissed her forehead. “It feels like forever I’ve been waiting for you to show up.”
Theo had picked us up at the airport. We didn’t have a lot of stuff with us because Hayley told me not to pack too many clothes. She said we’d need to go shopping for clothes that would help us fit in better.
Right.
I could tell she was excited at the prospect of spending Theo’s cash. I, on the other hand, didn’t want to owe this guy anything. Unfortunately, I was already into him for thousands in tuition fees at some stuck-up school in Boston.
“Let’s get inside.” Theo strode in through the double front doors. We stepped into a marble entrance hall with two large inner double doors that led into the main hall. A grand staircase swept down toward us in a curve. I stared around wide-eyed at the expensive furnishings.
Growing up I tried my best not to feel like trash. I knew people thought we were trash. But I worked hard to remember that no matter what they said, I wasn’t.
But standing in cheap clothes in that big, expensive house, I suddenly felt this overwhelming fear that I would never find my power here, my control. I felt awkward. Unsophisticated. Uncultured.
I felt like trash.
And if possible I hated Hayley and Theo even more for bringing me here and making me feel that way about myself.
“I’ll show you around and then to your room, India.”
The rest of the house made me sick to my stomach with its beauty. I lost count of how many stunningly decorated and lushly furnished reception rooms Theo led us through. The kitchen was twice the size of our apartment. Finally he led us to the back of the house into a more casual TV room. Three of the walls were made up of floor-to-ceiling glass and a twin set of French doors that led out onto a large patio area. I could see a barbecue, large outdoor dining set, lounge chairs and beyond that in the near distance was a massive swimming pool and a pool house that was a miniversion of the main house.
Sitting around the pool, laughing and talking, were a group of kids about my age.
Theo frowned at the sight but as soon as he became aware of my scrutiny he grinned. The sudden change only reinforced my decision to be wary of his character. “Eloise’s out there with some friends. Why don’t we take you out there and then Eloise can show you to your room later.”
I couldn’t think of anything worse.
Immediately the sick feeling in my gut became a swarm of butterflies.
My feet might as well have been weighted down with anchors as Theo and Hayley forced me outside into the late-September sun.
“Eloise,” Theo called, and a pretty redhead stood up from a lounger. She was wearing a beautiful yellow silk dress that looked great against her pale rose skin and probably cost a fortune.
She stepped forward and beamed at her father. I felt a twinge of something I refused to call jealousy as father and daughter embraced—a tight hug that was so full of feeling they would have to be really freaking great actors for it to be faked—and then smiled into one another’s faces.
Theo murmured something that I couldn’t quite hear and Eloise looked chastened. “I’m sorry, Daddy.” Eloise looked squarely at Hayley. “I apologize for not coming out to welcome you properly.”
“That’s okay, sweetheart.” Hayley waved her apology off while I tried not to scowl at them both. Sweetheart? Really? Just how close were Hayley and her new soon-to-be daughter?
“Eloise, this is India. India, Eloise,” Theo said.
Light hazel eyes connected with mine and I tensed. The warmth in them had disappeared.
“Welcome.” She gave me a tight smile.
I gave her a terse nod, which only made her smile tighter.
“I’m going to help Hayley get settled in. Why don’t you introduce India to your friends and then show her to her room. Okay?”
“Sure thing, Daddy,” she chirped.
Hayley squeezed my hand and gave me a bolstering look as though she cared whether or not she was leaving me to my doom. I turned away from her to stare warily at Eloise.
She stared back, not saying a word until we heard the click of French doors behind us.
Eloise crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re here.”
Yes, definitely not the warmest welcome in the world. “So it would seem.”
She frowned at my clothes. “You’ll need to go shopping.”
I didn’t give her or her friend who giggled from a lounge chair beyond us a reaction to her insinuation that my clothes were too cheap for her world.
Pulling on my armor, I did the only thing I could and pretended like I wasn’t intimidated. “Who’re your friends?” I said, walking toward them.
The giggler was a petite girl with flawless golden skin and rich dark brown hair. She was perched on a lounge chair. Sitting on the edge of the pool with their pant legs rolled up were a sun-bronzed blond-haired boy and a stunning blonde girl with perfect porcelain skin and features—they looked like an Abercrombie & Fitch ad. In the pool on a blow-up lounge was a guy with black hair and a curious smirk. Finally my eyes swung to the boy leaning against the pool house wall. He was tall with naturally tan skin, dark hair and dark eyes, one of those boys that were too good-looking to be real, and he was staring at me with cold indifference.
I stared right back with my best I’m so bored I could die expression before turning my attention to the giggler.
To my surprise she gave me a little smile. “I’m Charlotte.”
“More importantly, I’m Gabe,” the boy in the pool called out. He paddled toward our end of the pool and held a hand out while he grinned up at me. He wore his close-cropped black hair in waves and water glistened on his warm brown skin. Freckles a shade darker sprinkled his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, giving his handsome face a hint of adorable. His smiling dark eyes roamed my face.
I bent down and tentatively shook his wet hand. “India.”
“Awesome name.” He reclined back in his lounge chair, drinking me in. His perusal was much different from Eloise’s and I relaxed a little. Maybe I still had a little power. After all, I didn’t magically stop being pretty in Massachusetts.
“I’m Joshua.” The boy with his feet in the pool held out his hand.
The girl next to him hit him in the gut with her elbow and glared at him.
“Ow.” He scowled. “What?”
She shook her head in disgust. “Idiot.”
I ignored her and took his hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“You, too.”
It was his turn to nudge the girl. She sighed heavily and looked up at me, giving me the same kind of once-over Eloise had. “Bryce,” she muttered.
I glanced over my shoulder at the boy by the pool house. At my scrutiny he straightened up and walked toward me. He stopped at a lounge chair and sat down on it with a casual elegance you could only be born with. “Finn Rochester,” he said curtly, his voice deep, rich, around those two sharp words.
He was the only one to introduce himself using his last name and I immediately knew I was supposed to register its importance.
I decided then and there I liked him the least—this beautiful, pretentious boy.
“My boyfriend.” Eloise strode toward him and put her hand on his shoulder.
The gesture seemed forced and I had to wonder how Rochester felt about Eloise’s less than subtle claim of ownership.
“And just so you know, Joshua is my boyfriend,” Bryce piped up.
Laughter in my voice at their desperation to claim their boys, I said, “Good to know. I’ll be sure to shelve my inner man-eater around them.”
Gabe chuckled. “No need to shelve it around me.”
“You two—” I flicked my hand between him and Charlotte “—aren’t...?”
“Oh God, no,” Charlotte said.
“Hey!” Gabe splashed some water at her and she squealed like a five-year-old.
“So, California?” Joshua said.
I nodded. “Arroyo Grande.”
“Ugh, the west coast,” Bryce sneered.
I immediately thought of Siobhan and her aversion to all things not west coast. Had I stumbled upon her mirror twin in Massachusetts?
“Maybe ‘ugh’ but I would kill for nice weather all year round.” Charlotte sighed in longing.
“You’d bore of it,” Bryce said. “Four seasons are better than two.”
I didn’t bother telling her that California had four seasons; they just didn’t contrast with one another as much as they did here. I was guessing that information wouldn’t make a bit of difference to change her mind about the west coast.
“So...how strange are you finding all this?” Joshua said. “Theo and your mom getting together... It’s pretty sudden, right?”
I felt Eloise’s eyes on me and understood that she was interested despite herself so I directed my answer to her. “I think our parents are dicks.”
The guys burst out into laughter. Well, Joshua and Gabe did. Finn eyed me like I was some weird science experiment.
Eloise narrowed her eyes. “My father is not a dick and I don’t appreciate that kind of language.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Your father is richer than Jay Z and yet no one thinks it’s a good idea for him to fly out to Cali so I can get to know the guy I’m supposed to call stepfather. Instead I’ve got to leave my life behind and move in with some strange man I’ve never met. That doesn’t sound at all dickish on the part of our parents?”
“My father wanted to fly west to meet you,” Eloise told me with calm disinterest. “Your mother is the one who didn’t want him to.”
I winced and felt an ache slash across my chest. Of course Theo wanted to meet me, and my mother talked him out of it. She probably thought I’d ruin everything for her by telling him the truth or, you know...just by being me.
Pretending I didn’t care, I shrugged. “So do you guys all go to the same school?”
“We—” Eloise circled her finger to include the group “—are Tobias Rochester High School. Finn’s great-grandfather was the founder.”
Suddenly things were becoming clearer.
I looked at Finn but he was staring stonily at the ground.
So these were the cool kids. My “in.” How did I even begin winning them over when Eloise’s chilly demeanor wasn’t exactly inviting?
My eyes slid past Eloise to Finn, who was looking at me again. Or should I say through me again.
Unnerved, I glanced back at Eloise.
She waved halfheartedly to the house. “I could show you to your room, but you probably want some alone time to adjust.”
Hopes falling, I recognized her polite comment for what it was. She was definitely not welcoming me into her group.
“Right.” I pasted on a smile I hoped was civil. “Later, guys.”
“Definitely,” Gabe returned.
I gave a nod to Charlotte as I passed but she dropped her eyes.
I did my best to walk calmly inside and out of view.
Once I had privacy I collapsed against the nearest wall and struggled to draw in breath. I felt shaky, my face was tingling and my breath was trapped in my throat.
I felt like I was dying.
Recognizing the impending panic attack, I struggled to get control over it.
Eloise had made it clear she didn’t really want to be friends, and I didn’t know if it was because she hated my mother—if it was about not wanting a replacement or not wanting her father’s attention divided—but I did know I was being left out in the cold.
School on Monday was going to be just delightful.
Trembling, I slumped to the ground and pressed the heels of my palms to my eyes. I was used to feeling alone in a room full of people who liked me, but I wasn’t used to actually being alone.
I was surprised by how much that terrified me.
* * *
I almost hyperventilated again trying to find my new bedroom. I got lost in the myriad hallways, stairways and rooms in the mansion.
When I finally found my room I was stunned.
Spacious didn’t even cover it.
In the middle of a grand room that had French doors that opened onto a beautiful Juliet balcony was a massive four-poster bed with champagne drapes. The wall the bed was situated against had been wallpapered in gold damask. I had white French-style furniture—bedside tables, a dressing table and mirror with a matching stool. A desk with a Mac sitting on top of it, school supplies piled next to it, a flat-screen TV hooked on the wall opposite my bed with a little shelf holding a DVD player. On the wall by the door was an iDock so I could play my music and hear it through the small speakers that had been fitted high up in every corner of the room. To finish there was a generous dressing room/walk-in and a private bathroom with a rainfall shower and huge claw-footed tub.
It was a suite for a princess.
I loved it. And I hated that I loved it.
It was the kind of room I’d dreamed of escaping to when I lived with my dad. The kind of room I’d never imagined I’d ever get to sleep in.
So I loved it.
I just wished it had come to me in a different way.
“So what do you think?”
Hayley stood in the doorway, smiling gently at me. She was alone.
Eloise’s words from earlier came back to me and I turned around to fully face Hayley. “I think you’re either ashamed of me or ashamed of yourself.”
She stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the fact that Theo wanted to come to California to meet me, get to know me, before hauling me across the country into this strange place with strange people. You didn’t want him to meet me...not until it was too late.”
A guilty-looking Hayley shook her head. “That’s not true.”
“Eloise told me that Theo wanted to meet me, but you said no.”
She stared at her feet and said nothing.
It never failed to surprise me that she could still hurt me. Angry, I pushed. “So...what was it? Ashamed of me or ashamed of you?”
“I...” She shrugged and looked up at me, seeming helpless. “I didn’t want to take the chance that you’d tell him the truth. I haven’t told him and I know how angry you still are with me, and I... I didn’t want to lose him.”
I laughed bitterly at her confession. “Isn’t that always the way with you, Hayley? Always doing what’s best for you. Not giving me time to get to know this guy, for him to get to know me... No, that doesn’t work for you, right? So who cares if you rip my world apart again and toss me in with these sharks? As long as you’re okay.”
She rushed toward me suddenly, gripping my biceps hard as she pleaded with me. “This is the best thing that will ever happen to us. I know you don’t believe me but Theo is a good man and he can take care of us. No one can hurt us here.”
“No one but each other.”
Her grip fell away. “Are you going to tell him?”
I looked around at my room, knowing that a guest room would never have been tricked out like this—with the laptop and speakers and school supplies. Whatever Theo’s true character, he’d gone to great lengths to make me feel welcome in his home. “You know, I almost feel sorry for the guy.” I turned back to her. “Marrying a woman he doesn’t really know.”
As I stared into Hayley’s tortured eyes I crumbled. The truth was this could be my perfect revenge, taking him away from her by giving him cold hard facts. But I didn’t have that kind of spitefulness in me. “I won’t tell him.”
Hayley sagged with relief. “It’s the right decision, sweetheart. I promise. I am trying to make this up to you. I’ve been trying for six years. What else can I do?”
“Stop trying.”
I flinched as she raised her hand and brushed her thumb across my cheek. Her eyes were wet as she whispered, “Never.”
I held strong and silent until she left me alone in my room. That’s when I finally let my tears fall.
* * *
“This is exciting,” Theo said. “Our first dinner as a family.”
Hayley beamed at him while Eloise and I looked anywhere but at each other as we sat across from one another at the eight-seater dining table.
After being forced from my new bedroom by Theo and Hayley I discovered Theo employed a driver, a cook, three maids and a groundskeeper. Apparently I’d missed the tennis court and badminton court situated beyond the swimming pool.
They had “staff.”
Staff.
Seriously?
I felt like Cedric Errol in Little Lord Fauntleroy.
As we were served dinner by said staff, I ignored Hayley and Theo as they twittered lovingly with one another until Theo said, “Eloise, why don’t you join Hayley and India tomorrow? They’re shopping for a new wardrobe and could use you as a guide.”
Eloise smiled at her father. “I would, Daddy, but I have a chemistry lab paper to write with Charlotte tomorrow. The paper is due Monday.”
“Oh, well, your education comes first.” He looked disappointed but didn’t push her on it.
I slumped with relief that she wouldn’t be joining us.
“Charles Street has some very nice boutiques,” Eloise said warmly to Hayley. “And of course there’s Newbury Street. You’ll find everything you need there.”
“Thank you.” Hayley turned to Theo. “I’ve never been shopping in Boston.”
“Gil will drive you but Back Bay and Beacon Hill aren’t an easy place to get lost. That’s where your new school is, India. Beacon Hill,” Theo said. “Gil will drive you and Eloise there in the morning and pick you up after school. If you and Eloise end up with different schedules we’ll work something out. Your mother tells me you’re a great soccer player. Tobias Rochester, unfortunately, doesn’t have a girls’ soccer team but we do have a lacrosse team.”
“I’ve never played.”
“Perhaps you’ll be good at it.”
“Does the school have a paper?”
His eyes brightened at my sudden interest in conversation. I think he was pleased that my interest lay in academics. Of course, he didn’t understand that my true motivation wasn’t really about academia, although I did want to get into a good college.
“It does have a school newspaper. An award-winning school newspaper.”
“India was coeditor of her school paper,” Hayley said proudly.
I was surprised she knew that.
Theo was pleased. “Well, we will definitely need to see about getting you on the Tobias Rochester Chronicle.”
“Thank you,” I forced out.
“You’re welcome. Now what else are you interested in?”
“I was on the debate team and I was the theater manager.”
“Well—” Tobias grinned at his daughter “—Eloise has been the lead in the school play for the last three years. Usually they give the leading role to juniors and seniors but Eloise is so talented that she has won every part since she was fourteen. You could surely find India a job behind the scenes.”
“Daddy, our theater isn’t some public school theater. Our theater manager is not a student—he’s an experienced, paid adult.”
He shrugged. “I know that. But India could be an assistant.”
“Yes, I could be an assistant,” I added, imitating Eloise’s big doe eyes.
She looked almost pained. “I think we have all the behind the scenes staff we need.”
“Pish posh,” Theo said. “It’s the start of the school year.”
Pish posh, I mouthed at Hayley. Seriously? Did all Boston upper crust families talk like they thought they were still British?
To my surprise Hayley hid her smile in her napkin at my teasing.
“Yes, pish posh,” I said to Eloise. “You’re the talent. I’m sure you can pull a few strings.”
Hayley choked into her napkin, not hiding her chuckle at all well.
Theo didn’t even seem to notice. He was too busy eyeing me with new appreciation. “A go-getter. I admire that. I think you’re going to fit in very well here, India.”
“I think so, too.” I forced myself to smile back at him.
“When your mother told me you planned to go to law school, that you have aspirations to work in the DA’s office, I was impressed,” Theo added, seeming sincere. “And I’m even more so now that we’ve become acquainted. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have a budding lawyer in the family.”
I couldn’t tell you if a word out of his mouth was true, but I could tell that her father’s approval of me put a wary look in Eloise’s eyes I just didn’t understand.
CHAPTER 3 (#u2e87e5b1-71a8-500a-9100-9d4ffe3b0fe2)
I HAD TO admit I was charmed by Charles Street.
Gil, our driver, was a pleasant, tall bald man who looked to be in his early forties, with broad shoulders and thick biceps. I think he was more bodyguard than driver.
He somehow found a spot to park on the street that was paved in red brick, lined with trees and had quaint gas lamps, antiques stores, restaurants and boutiques. The smell of flowers filled the air and it felt like we weren’t in a city at all.
So far Hayley had bought two dresses that were hundreds of dollars each.
I had bought a cute notepad.
“You have to start looking,” Hayley said as we strolled toward where Gil was standing at attention by the car.
“What am I supposed to be looking for?” I said. “I have no idea how the kids at this school dress.”
“I never thought of that. Damn. I should have asked Eloise. Sorry.”
“I don’t think she would have helped.”
“What do you mean?”
“Behind the ‘Daddies’ and chirpy smiles is a girl who is not happy to have me here.”
I waited for Hayley to tell me I was being silly. She surprised me again by eyeing me carefully and replying, “Has she been rude to you?”
“No, but she wasn’t that welcoming, either.”
“Give her time.” She nudged me with her shoulder with a coaxing smile.
“Whatever.”
“You better tell me if Eloise crosses the line into rude. Her father has spoiled her a little.”
“I can handle myself,” I said, too stubborn to accept her help.
“Finn!”
I jerked at Hayley’s random yell.
And then I followed her gaze and realized she wasn’t being random.
My stomach flip-flopped.
Finn Rochester had just come out of the boutique I’d bought my notepad from earlier. He glanced over at us, his eyes narrowing on me.
Before I could stop her Hayley hurried over to him.
“Hayley.” Finn nodded politely.
I hadn’t realized Hayley had met Eloise’s boyfriend but then I’d forgotten she had actually spent months around these people before dropping me in the middle of it. Not only had they apparently met, but they knew each other well enough to be on a cozy first-name basis. My resentment simmered to the surface.
“Finn, how are you?” She smiled at him like he was the most interesting boy in the world. I knew Hayley well enough to know that she was impressed by his family name and his natural air of cultured superiority.
“Well. And you?”
“We’re shopping.” She raised the bags in her hands to elaborate.
He took in the one tiny little bag in my hand. “You don’t shop?”
He seemed so bored by his own question I wondered why he’d bothered to ask.
Before I could say anything, Hayley said, “Well, India has a dilemma. Perhaps you could help.”
“I’d be happy to.”
I snorted. Loudly. Because he sounded like he’d rather do anything else in the world than help me.
His eyes cut back to me but I refused to be intimidated by him and his masculine beauty. I stared back until he turned his attention to Hayley.
I did a little inner fist pump of triumph over winning our staring contest.
Hayley seemed to eye our interaction with interest. She smirked a little as she said, “What do the girls at your school wear? India needs a wardrobe for the semester.”
Without looking at me he shrugged. “Stick with designer. There are numerous stores on Newbury Street. Introduce yourself to the staff, explain she’s attending Tobias Rochester and they’ll be able to help you.”
“Wonderful, thank you.” Hayley beamed, not at all annoyed that Finn had referred to me as “she” rather than by name.
What? Was he afraid to say my name in case my trailer trashiness rubbed off on him?
Dipshit.
“You’re welcome.” He gave us a nod. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”
As we watched his tall form stride away, I decided he was perfect for Eloise. He had the broad shoulders and narrow waist of a swimmer, long legs, a face worthy of the Greek gods and expensive clothes that fit him to perfection.
He was beautiful and wealthy just like his girlfriend.
And he was just as welcoming.
“I like him,” Hayley said quietly. “There’s something mysterious about him.”
“He’s a snob.”
She frowned at me. “No. I don’t think so. I think he’s just sad.”
“Sad?” I made a face. “How so?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he needs a friend.” She nudged me pointedly.
I gave a huff of laughter. “Oh, yeah, I can see that happening.”
“What?” Hayley seemed confused as we started walking toward the car again. “I think you two might get along if you just make an effort. You know he’s the kind of boy I would have loved to see you with if Eloise hadn’t gotten there first. A boy like that needs someone to shake him up a little. You’re so good at shaking people up.”
I grunted and rolled my eyes at her teasing. “You, Hayley, I’m good at shaking you up. I’m pretty chill with everyone else.”
And anyway... Hell would freeze over before Finn Rochester would ever look at a girl like me.
And it would seriously, seriously take a miracle to make a boy that cold appealing to me in any way. It didn’t matter how pretty his face was.
* * *
Large wrought-iron gates swung open into a courtyard from the sidewalk and hugging that courtyard was Tobias Rochester High School. Housed in an imposing Federal-style building that was set back from the street, it looked like the king of the pretty row houses in the fancy neighborhood in Beacon Hill.
I stared up at the building, trying to ignore the pounding of my heart.
Unfortunately, my morning had gone speedily downhill. When I woke up it was to sunlight spilling into my beautiful, peaceful new room. I was surprised by how well-rested I felt. Seriously, now I understood why people often described beds like a cloud.
I’d then taken an awesome shower in my huge new bathroom and I’d put on one of the many outfits Hayley had forced me to buy the day before. I was wearing Armani skinny jeans and an oversize Alexander McQueen T-shirt. Hayley (or Theo actually) had even bought me jewelry, and I was wearing a new watch and bracelet, as well as a pair of small diamond studs in my ears. A pair of Tory Burch flats finished the casual but expensive look and, as much as I hated to admit it because I felt like the walking privileged, I looked pretty good.
And that’s where all the “good” stopped.
Theo wasn’t at breakfast because he went into the office really early. Hayley was still in bed and Eloise was sitting at the breakfast table being waited on hand and foot.
I decided to help myself in the kitchen, hoping to make conversation with the cook, Gretchen, only to discover Gretchen really didn’t want me in her kitchen. I think it was the glaring and the shooing hand gestures that gave her feelings away.
I ended up out in the dining room with my new soon-to-be stepsister. The silence between us was so thick it was stifling as we ate.
Gil came to inform us that it was time to leave for school and I grabbed up my new school satchel (I never, ever thought I’d use the word satchel), and hurried after Eloise.
The tense silence continued between us during the thirty-minute drive to school. When we pulled up to the school, Gil opened the door for Eloise and she shot out of the car as if I had the plague.
Gil gave me a sympathetic smile as I got out and told me to have a good first day.
So far Gil was pretty much the only person in the whole Massachusetts experience that I might actually like.
I got a few curious looks from kids as I walked through the gates and into my new school life. Theo had sent Hayley a class program list a few weeks back and I’d filled it out. Within twenty-four hours I’d been given a schedule and he’d sent on textbooks so I could be somewhat up-to-date on what we would be discussing in class. Plus the school had an intraweb and the teachers were cool enough to list each upcoming class discussion and the reading that was expected for it.
As organized as I already was, I still had to register my arrival. Following signs for the school office, I took in the modern interior that was incongruous with the building’s exterior. The school office was chic—all shiny glass, white, glossy painted wood and expensive computers.
“May I help you?” A middle-aged woman with short blond hair smiled at me as I stepped inside the office.
I gave her a small smile, hoping I didn’t appear as nervous as I felt. “My name is India Maxwell. I’m new.”
“Oh, Miss Maxwell, of course.” She came around her desk to offer me her hand. As I shook it she introduced herself. “My name is Ms. Llewellyn. I’m the head of administration at Tobias Rochester.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“You, too. We’ve been expecting you.” She turned to her desk and shuffled through some papers before producing a large envelope. “This is for you. Inside you’ll find important information about the school, including leaflets on a list of extracurricular activities we have here at Tobias Rochester.”
“Thank you,” I murmured, feeling overwhelmed already.
“Headmaster Vanderbilt would like to introduce himself.”
Headmaster Vanderbilt turned out to be a guy probably only five years or so older than Theo. I expected someone stuffy, pretentious and more than a little condescending, but Headmaster Vanderbilt—a tall, reed-thin man who wore a tiny pair of rimless glasses perched on his big Roman nose—was warm and welcoming.
His welcome, in fact, would be the warmest I’d receive that day.
My first class was Microeconomics and to my horror Eloise, Finn and their whole crew took the class. I hadn’t been expecting to see them all together in one class and while the teacher introduced me I had to quickly put my mask of indifference on.
Eloise didn’t acknowledge my presence as I took a seat on the other side of the classroom. My eyes drifted to Finn but he was staring at the teacher, almost too studiously, like he was trying to avoid my gaze. I shook that suspicion off, knowing Finn thought he was superior to me—I probably wasn’t even on his radar.
Not that I cared if I was on his radar or not.
My Microeconomics teacher was pretty cool and I got through the class not feeling totally out of my depth. I considered that a positive for the day.
Fiction Writing was next and Charlotte was in my class. When I walked in, her eyes lit up and I thought I detected the beginnings of a smile before a thought passed over her expression. Her shoulders slumped, and she looked like she wanted to blend into the background.
I decided to ignore her weirdness and waved at her as the teacher approached to introduce herself. The teacher saw my exchange with Charlotte and insisted I sit with her.
“Hey,” I said as I took the seat beside her.
Charlotte gave me a half smile, half grimace. “Hi.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t cheat off you.”
Her answer was a tremulous smile.
Encouraged, I nodded at her violet dress. “That color looks awesome on you.”
Appearing almost taken aback, Charlotte glanced down at the dress and ran her fingertips over it. “Really? Bryce said it washed me out. She said I look trash in it.”
Of course she did. I got more than a few mean girl vibes off that girl. “Well, she’s wrong. It’s really cute.”
“Thanks.” Charlotte gave me a shy smile before wariness replaced it and she turned determinedly to face the front.
Her body language told me not to push talking to her, but I felt hope.
Smiling inwardly, I faced forward, too, and listened to the teacher as she started class.
Two classes passed and I already had more homework than I’d ever had back at Fair Oaks High. I wasn’t freaking out about it just yet, considering I had no friends and no extracurricular activities to distract me from all the schoolwork, but once I did I’d have to find a way to juggle it all.
As I was walking toward my next class I noticed the glances and full-on stares from my new schoolmates. Their looks varied from curious to sneering and I felt a tingle of wariness across the back of my neck. Turning a corner on my search for my Modern European History class, I came face-to-face with my stepsister-to-be and her girls. They sashayed down the hall like an ad for a TV show about beautiful popular high school kids, long hair fluttering out behind them like silk, long trim legs on display in their designer dresses and elongated by their Jimmy Choo sandals.
Eloise saw me, looked right through me and kept on walking without a word.
My skin felt hot with embarrassment at her obvious cut.
I watched her disappear around the corner with her best friends before looking around the hallway. That’s when I realized I hadn’t been imagining the sneers of my classmates.
A sick feeling settled in my gut as I wondered what the hell was going on.
Determined to pretend I didn’t care, I threw my shoulders back and continued on my search for my class. To my relief I discovered the classroom without having to ask anyone for directions. The last thing I wanted to do right then was interact with anyone. I strode inside, cursing Hayley all over again for bringing me to Massachusetts, unaware of anyone else but the tall faculty member standing by the whiteboard.
He caught sight of me in his peripheral vision and turned. He was my youngest teacher so far, probably in his late twenties, and he was cute in a nerdy, intellectual kind of way.
“Hi.” He smiled.
“I’m India Maxwell. I’m new.”
“Oh, India, yes. I knew that.” He held out his hand for me to shake. “I’m Mr. Franklin, but most of these guys drop the ‘Mr.’”
I smiled back, liking his down-to-earth vibe immediately. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You, too.” He looked out at the class and I followed his gaze.
I felt a horrible jump in my heartbeat at the sight of Finn Rochester sitting in the middle of the room and things pretty much got worse from there.
“Finn,” Franklin said, “you’ve got an empty seat beside you, right?”
No. NO. NO!
I did not want to sit beside that stuck-up ass. Only seconds into the class and already I knew it was going to suck worse than anything that had happened in my day so far.
Finn glanced at the table and chair beside him and then looked over at me. His expression was carefully blank. “Yes, it’s empty.”
Franklin gestured toward it. “Take a seat, get comfy and we’ll get started.”
I murmured my thank-you and slowly made my way to the chair I’d just been allocated. Finn stared straight ahead at Franklin, much like he had done in our Microeconomics class. As I sat I glanced at his profile.
There was a weird flutter in my stomach that I put down to nerves. After all, it was messed up that someone as influential as Finn had decided I wasn’t good enough. It would make the school social climbing that much freaking harder. More than that, I realized...it hurt. I didn’t want it to hurt. But it hurt nonetheless. It reminded me too much of a time spent with a man who thought I was worthless.
Shaking that black hole of memories away, I found myself studying Finn.
The flutter in my stomach intensified.
It was a damn shame that someone so good-looking was such an incredible dipshit.
I noted his broad shoulders tense. Slowly, he turned his head to lock eyes with me. His look was dark and fathomless; mine was challenging.
Something weird happened to me as our silent interaction drew out. Franklin’s voice became just a murmur in the background and my blood turned hot. The whole world faded out—everything but Finn’s eyes and the squirming heat under my skin.
I began to worry that the longer he stared into my eyes, the more he’d see, because the longer I stared into his, the more I saw to my surprise that Hayley was right—there was a sadness in Finn’s eyes. And what surprised me even more was how curious I was to know what put it there. I hadn’t expected it. What could ever have made someone as lucky as Finn sad?
Finally his eyes narrowed and I could have sworn his expression turned wary a split second before he wiped it blank and turned his head away.
Feeling strangely unsettled, I decided to take a page out of Finn’s book and pretend like he didn’t exist.
When class ended Finn shot out of there before I could dare to say a word to him. I was okay with that. In fact, I waited for everyone to filter out before approaching Franklin.
“India, great job today. I’m delighted you did all the reading before joining us. Tobias Rochester is a competitive school. Sometimes it’s hard for new students coming from a less competitive environment to keep up with us.”
I thought that was an extremely diplomatic way to put it and knew my smile said so.
I pulled out one of the leaflets Ms. Llewellyn had put in my packet. “I see that you are the faculty member that oversees the school newspaper.”
“Yes. Usually it would be an English teacher but I minored in journalism so...” He shrugged modestly, as if to say, Here I am.
“Great. Well, I was coeditor of my paper back in Arroyo Grande. I was hoping that there might be a place for me on this paper.”
“Oh. Well, you know, we’ve got most of the team together already because we’re a few weeks into the school year...however, we are looking for a book reviewer. I know a critic isn’t a journalist but is that something you might be interested in?”
“Yes.” I nodded eagerly. “I love books. And really, I just want to be part of the team on the paper. It’s a start, right?”
“Definitely. We do have a couple of other students interested. However, I always choose those who have potential to bring more to the paper over time. So why don’t you email me some of the work you’ve done on your previous paper if you can?”
“I can do that.”
He chuckled at my eagerness. “Great. My email is on the intraweb. Send it to me ASAP.”
“I will. Thanks, Mr. Franklin.”
“You’re welcome, India.”
There was a little skip in my step as I left his class. I was hopeful that things were looking up.
* * *
That thought was quickly dashed when I wandered into the cafeteria for lunch period.
Tobias Rochester was a much smaller school than my last, which made the cafeteria drama much more pronounced. And today’s drama? Me. New Girl.
No one had made any friendly overtures yet and I was still receiving weird looks. Everyone was gaping at me: disgust in some cases and curiosity in others.
The disgust was worrying.
As I strode to the lunch line to be served, I searched for and eventually found Eloise sitting at a table smack-bang in the middle of the room. Of course she’d want to be in the center of it all.
Bryce and Charlotte sat on either side of her, and Finn, Gabe and Joshua sat opposite them. The girls saw me and immediately looked away. Bryce said something and whatever it was made the boys glance over their shoulders in my direction. Finn and Joshua quickly looked away but Gabe grinned over at me and started to get up.
Bryce snapped something at him. He threw a fry at her with a chuckle and she turned a dark shade so red I thought her head was about to explode with all the blood rushing into it.
As Gabe made his way toward me I braced myself, not sure what kind of greeting to expect from him.
“You made it,” he said, wearing an expression of amusement.
I didn’t detect any meanness in him. “Yup.”
“Well, you look great.”
“Should you be over here complimenting me?”
“Are you talking about Bryce?” He chuckled. “She should know by now that I’m not one of her cliquey bitches. I talk to whoever I want. And Elle hasn’t said you’re off-limits and we all know Elle’s the one really in charge.”
Huh, that was interesting. I would have thought for certain Eloise would have called for me to be ostracized by her friends.
As if he saw the thought in my eyes, Gabe shook his head. “Elle’s a good girl.”
Hmm, I wasn’t sure I believed that.
“So you’re being nice to me?”
He laughed at my suspicious tone. “Believe it or not, yes.”
“Okay.” I shrugged, still not one hundred percent sure of his motives. Although to be fair he was cool to me when we first met, too. “So if you’re really trying to be nice...maybe you could tell me why everyone is looking at me so strangely?”
“Ah.” He suddenly looked sheepish. Guilty even. “Yes, about that.” He stepped toward me, lowering his voice. “Look, when your mom and her dad started dating Eloise didn’t exactly like Hayley. She thought it was strange that as time went on Hayley never once brought you with her or let her dad go visit you. She said she was afraid you might be in rehab or something.” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking embarrassed. “I might have told someone else that you were in rehab and, before I knew it, it was all over the school. But it was weeks ago,” he said defensively. “I thought they would have forgotten it by now.”
My eyes bugged out, my anger simmering beneath the surface. “Everyone thinks I was in rehab?”
“Yeah. I am really sorry.”
I gave a huff of disbelief, trying to gauge his sincerity. He did seem genuinely embarrassed by the rumor he’d spread. “Are you going to tell people it’s a lie?”
“Eloise overheard a few seniors talking about it this morning and she told them it wasn’t true.”
Hmm. Probably didn’t want the rumor to hurt her reputation. “Then why are people still looking at me funny?”
“It’ll take time for it to die down. Sitting with us would help,” Gabe offered.
Was he nuts? I gave him a look that clearly questioned as much and he laughed.
“I’m asking you to.”
“I’m not welcome.”
“Okay, if you say so. You know where I am if you change your mind.” He winked suggestively and backed off.
I shook my head at his flirtation, feeling a teensy bit better knowing there was a student at this school that didn’t hate me, even if he accidentally spread a stupid rumor about me. As I was reaching for my tray of food, I heard Gabe call my name loudly.
I turned and stepped out of line to find him halfway between me and Eloise’s table. Everyone was looking at us.
“You look remarkably good for a recovering drug addict.”
I should have been mortified, but instead I felt a renewed resolve within me to not let these people think they could embarrass me or force me to duck my head and hide from their curiosity and judgment. I grinned at Gabe’s mockery of the student body for believing his stupid lie and called, “Thanks, dipshit.”
His laughter rang out around the room, and I found myself chuckling. I looked beyond him to Eloise and found her watching me uneasily. Gabe was oblivious as he walked back to the table. I moved to find an empty table, and my mood plummeted harshly when I realized I was going to have to sit alone.
I hadn’t eaten lunch alone since I lived with my dad.
Doing what I’d gotten so good at since I’d arrived in Massachusetts, I pretended I wasn’t bothered by my loner status. Instead I pulled out the book I was currently reading and got lost in the words while I ate my pasta salad.
Only a few minutes later my face started to tingle and I felt the little hairs on the back of my neck rise. Not moving my book from covering my face, I discreetly looked up over the top of it, searching for the cause of the tingles.
My eyes locked with Finn Rochester’s.
Those little flutters awoke in my stomach again and I flushed hot.
Finn wrenched his gaze away, frowning down at his plate. No one at his table seemed to notice he’d been looking over at me.
I focused back on the pages of my book, but the words just became blurry blobs.
The truth was Finn unsettled me. I honestly didn’t know why.
I just knew I didn’t like it.
Forcing myself to concentrate on the book, I eventually got back into the story and for a while I forgot I was in hostile territory.
* * *
I wish I could say that the day improved from there but it was pretty much the same as the beginning. Classes were fine, if a lot more challenging than my old school, teachers were overall welcoming and none of my fellow students bothered to introduce themselves to me.
I walked out of school at the end of the day the way I’d walked in.
Alone.
Gil was waiting with the car and when he saw me he got out to open the door for me. “Good afternoon, miss. I hope you had a good first day.”
I thanked him as I slid into the car.
Once I was settled inside Gil got back in the driver’s seat and started to pull away.
“What about Eloise?”
“Miss Eloise informed me that she will be getting a ride home from Finn later this afternoon.”
I nodded and turned to stare out the window. I’d found myself forgetting throughout the day that Finn and Eloise were a couple. They didn’t act like Bryce and Joshua, who could barely keep their hands off one another. I knew not all couples liked PDA, but there was usually something to let you know that a couple were into one another. They acted like friends, for sure, but I hadn’t seen them kiss or hold hands or cuddle.
But I guess one day wasn’t really long enough to form an opinion about them as a couple.
As the streets of Boston passed us by I let my thoughts drift away from Eloise and Finn. Instead I thought of all the homework I had to do, all the work I had ahead of me to get involved in my new school and how miserable it was that I hadn’t made one single friend. I’d decided Gabe didn’t count. I knew when a boy had sex on his mind and Gabe was definitely flirting with me.
“Tomorrow is a new day.”
I was startled from my forlorn musing by the sound of Gil’s voice.
He was smiling sympathetically at me in the rearview mirror. “The first day is always the worst.”
Grateful for his insight and kindness, I gave him a small smile. “It can only get better, right?”
“Definitely.” And it sounded like a promise.
I hoped it was a promise. A solid one. Because I’d worked too hard to get out of my previous miserable existence for my mother’s new romance to take that all away from me.
Upon arriving home, I had to remind myself to let Gil get the door for me. When I stepped out I thanked him and hoped he knew I meant it sincerely. So far he was the only person from the house, other than Theo, who had been warm to me. I appreciated it.
Thinking of the staff, I decided to brave the kitchen despite Gretchen’s grouchiness that morning because I really wanted a soda. Entering the vast space, I found it full of hustle and bustle as Gretchen and one of Theo’s maids prepared for dinner.
I gave them an unsure smile and headed toward the huge refrigerator.
“May I help?” Gretchen called over.
“I’m just getting a soda.”
“I’ll get it for you, miss,” she said gruffly, stepping away from the vegetables she was cutting.
“It’s fine. I can get my own soda,” I assured her with more than a hint of amusement in my voice.
Gretchen frowned but nodded.
“Do you know if Hayley is home?”
The maid was the one that answered me. “Ms. Maxwell is out. Wedding plans. She said she would return in time for dinner.”
Wedding plans. Of course. “Thanks,” I muttered, and strolled out of the kitchen with my can of soda. I headed straight for my room.
Hayley had broken it to me last night that she’d quit her job. I’d tried not to get really angry at her for giving up her own means of independence, because I knew her well enough to know that this wasn’t a decision she was going back on.
As I’d gotten older and started to question why Hayley made the choices that she made, I started to form the theory that my inept mother had always wanted to be a princess. She didn’t want reality. She wanted fantasy.
Theodore Fairweather was finally giving her that.
She could live a life of leisure as the wife of a wealthy, influential blue blood.
Never, I decided, never would I put my entire financial and emotional well-being in the hands of someone else. Never!
Nope. I was going to metaphorically kick ass at my new school and forge a new path to total independence. On that thought I got on my laptop, found some editions of my old school paper and sent them to Franklin to look over.
I studied a little, impatiently waiting for time to pass. Anna was going to FaceTime me but since there was a three-hour time difference between us, I had to wait for her to get out of school. When my laptop started ringing like a phone, I thought I hadn’t heard such a nice sound in a long time.
“Oh my God, come home!” Anna yelled.
“Believe me, I would if I could. How was the first day of school without me?”
Anna rolled her eyes. “Um...what do you think? Siobhan is totally acting like Winter Snow Queen already.”
“Yeah, like we didn’t know that was going to happen. As long as she’s not being mean?”
“So far not a lot of meanness, just a lot of ‘fall at my feet and kiss my toes.’”
“Literally?”
“Thankfully, no. I don’t care how many pedicures that girl can afford, I am not getting near her feet.”
I laughed and then immediately sobered. “I miss you guys.”
“We miss you, too. You know who else misses you?”
“Who?”
“Jay.”
“Jay? He said that?” Somehow I couldn’t picture the too-cool Jay actually uttering those words to Anna. I realized by Anna’s giddy tone that I should probably feel excited that Jay missed me. But I just...didn’t.
“No, but he asked if we’d heard from you. Of course Siobhan tried to use his attention to flirt with him but he was really only interested in talking about you.” She sighed heavily. “Oh, to be India Maxwell, breaking the hearts of bad boys everywhere.”
I snorted. “Yeah, because my life is so charmed right now.”
She clapped her hands together and stuck her face closer to the screen. “Tell me how your day went.”
And so I proceeded to fill my best friend in on the grim start to my new life in Boston.
“India Maxwell does not sit alone at lunch!” Anna was gratifyingly indignant on my behalf. “I’m sorry you had such a shitty day. But trust me, they will realize how epic you are soon enough.” Her sympathy and reassurances were soothing, and after we signed off, I did actually feel a little better for connecting with her.
I wandered around my room, trailing my fingers over all my new things and wondering if material possessions ever made anyone truly happy, and was stopped in my tracks at the French doors. Outside I watched as a light blue convertible pulled up in front of the house.
Sitting in the driver’s seat was Charlotte and getting out of the car was Eloise. Eloise blew her friend a kiss and sashayed into the house, disappearing from sight.
A smiling Charlotte pulled away from the house.
Hmm. I thought Gil had said Eloise was with Finn.
“There you are.”
I spun around to find Hayley standing in my doorway. “When did you get home?”
“About thirty minutes ago.” She wore this goofy grin on her face as she sank down onto my bed. “How was school?”
“Fine, I guess.”
“You guess? Was it really that bad?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
She looked hurt by my curtness so I changed the subject. “How goes the wedding plans?”
And just like that she lit up again as she told me all about the wedding planner she’d met with, the venue they’d by some miracle managed to book on such late notice, the flowers they were considering, the colors...
Unfortunately, I had to listen to it all over again at dinner later that evening.
When she’d finally run out of steam, Theo smiled indulgently at her and then turned to me. “So now that we know your mother had a wonderful day, how was yours, India?”
Like the previous nights, we sat around the informal dining table, the four of us, pretending that we were all comfortable in one other’s company.
“It was good,” I lied.
“Did you show India around, Eloise? Introduce her to everyone?”
“Of course, Daddy.” It was Eloise’s turn to lie.
I noted the way her fingers tightened around her fork so hard her knuckles went white.
It gave me pleasure knowing she was waiting for me to out her for not doing her daughterly duties.
I let the moment pass and watched her hand relax.
“Are you liking your classes?” Theo said.
“So far.” I looked over at Eloise. I wanted her to know that maybe I didn’t need her, after all. “And Mr. Franklin, my Modern European History teacher, is the head faculty member on the paper. He asked me to send some old articles to him. Kind of like an interview for a spot on the paper.”
Hayley and Theo looked delighted. Hayley actually wore a look of pride as she said, “Well, that’s wonderful.”
“First the paper and then the theater,” Theo said, his attention now on his daughter. “Eloise, did you ask about a job for India behind the scenes?”
“No, Daddy. Not yet.”
He frowned. “India has already missed out on the first few weeks of school. Time is of the essence. I’d like you to try harder tomorrow.”
She blushed at his admonishment. “Yes, Daddy.”
The rest of the dinner conversation was carried by Hayley and Theo and it mostly covered the wedding and Hayley asking for my soon-to-be stepdad’s opinion on flowers and themes and crap I’m sure he really wasn’t that interested in.
I was happy to be excused from the table once I’d finished my dessert but I refused to completely give in to my new life. I found myself grabbing up my plate before Theo’s staff could, ignoring him as he called out to me that “Janelle will do that!”
Instead I took my dirty plate and glass into the kitchen and then promptly stopped short at the sight before me. Gretchen was scraping a huge chunk of leftover meat loaf into the trash. An oven dish half-filled with potato dauphinoise was sitting on the counter, ready to be thrown out, too.
My skin tingled unpleasantly as I felt an immediate cold sweat prickle my face, my palms and under my arms. My heart was hammering way too hard in my chest. “What are you doing?” I said shakily, taking a step toward her.
Gretchen looked up in surprise. “Clearing up.”
“Stop.” I hurried over and looked down into the trash can. My chest tightened at the sight of the food inside it. “You just threw away half a meat loaf!”
“Miss, leave your plate and glass. I’ll clean it up,” Gretchen said tetchily as she reached for the potatoes.
“No!” I grabbed ahold of the other end of the dish and her eyes grew round with surprise. “You can’t just throw perfectly good food out!”
“Miss, please let go of the potatoes.”
“No!”
“Miss, please.” Her face grew pale.
“What is going on in here?” I heard Theo’s authoritative voice behind us.
My grip on the dish tightened.
“Sir, I’m just trying to clear up the waste and Miss Maxwell got very upset.”
“India.” A hand curled around my wrist and I followed it up to Hayley’s concerned face.
“It’s not waste,” I whispered. “It’s perfectly fine leftovers.”
I saw the pain in Hayley’s eyes at my words and she reached up to brush my cheek with her fingertips. “Sweetie,” she whispered back.
“We can’t just throw it out.”
“I know.” She nodded and looked over my shoulder. “Darling, India’s right. We should be keeping the leftovers or giving them to a local shelter. It’s a lot of food to throw away.”
I felt the warmth of Theo’s presence as he stepped up beside us and peered into the trash can. “Do you throw out this much food every day?”
Gretchen swallowed hard. “Not every day, sir. Sometimes.”
“Well, it does seem like a lot. India and Hayley are right. You and the staff will share the leftovers between you from now on, is that understood?”
“Yes, sir.” Gretchen slumped with relief, I imagine because Theo hadn’t given her any more crap about it.
As for me, my heartbeat began to slow but I still wasn’t completely reassured. “You will use the leftovers, right?”
I could tell she thought I was nuts but still she answered soothingly, “Yes, miss. I have a teenage son who eats me out of house and home. The leftovers will be welcome.”
The tension drained out of me. “Good.” I sucked in a huge breath of air. “Thanks.”
She gently tugged on the oven dish and I let it go, stepping back.
“I must say, India, I find your attitude quite refreshing.” Theo gave me an affectionate smile.
My return smile was tremulous.
He thought I was being socially and economically conscious. He had no idea about my issues with food.
Hayley knew, though.
She rubbed my arm and turned me away from Gretchen. “You’ve had a long day, sweetie. Why don’t you make it an early night?”
I nodded, and turned around to find Eloise standing near the door to the kitchen, watching me.
Crap.
The last thing I needed was her witnessing my weirdness.
CHAPTER 4 (#u2e87e5b1-71a8-500a-9100-9d4ffe3b0fe2)
HE WAS EATING DOUGHNUTS. They were fresh and I could smell them. Carla had brought them.
My stomach clenched painfully.
“I can’t keep eating ’em if she’s gonna look at me like a feral cat,” Carla complained. “Just fucking give her some food, Ed.”
“Little bitch isn’t getting a thing until I say so. She knows what she did.” He glared at me.
I didn’t know what I did.
I just knew it didn’t take much.
“Well, she’s freaking me out.” Carla shoved the box of doughnuts away.
“Fine.” He stood up abruptly and grabbed up the box of baked goods. Eyes on me the whole time, he strode across the trailer to the trash can, stood on the pedal that opened the lid and one by one he dropped the doughnuts inside.
I hated him.
I tightened my arms around my knees and shoved my face against my skin to block him out.
“I gotta go to work.”
“She ain’t going to school?”
“Nah. They’d feed her.”
“She could just eat while you’re gone.”
“I emptied every inch of the place.” He laughed, a wheezy sound I hated just as much as I hated him.
“You’re sick,” she said.
If she thought so, why didn’t she do something?
I felt a stinging burn against my head, the crack of his hand echoing in my ears. I winced and looked up at him.
He sneered down at me. “Don’t move a muscle or I’ll know.”
I nodded, so relieved when they were gone.
I waited a while before I dragged my tired body over to the trash can. I pulled the doughnuts out, wiping cigarette ash and some spicy sauce off a few of them before I shoveled them into my mouth. And I cried the whole time.
* * *
By the end of second period the next day, I knew bulimic had been added to my roster of fictional problems after a girl I didn’t know leaned across her desk as I finished an energy bar before Calculus 2 started.
“Bryce Jefferson told me all about you so I need advanced warning if you’re going to puke that up, because I don’t handle vomit very well.” She wrinkled her nose at me.
I blinked at her, confused for a few seconds, before it dawned on me that Eloise had told Bryce about my kitchen escapade the night before, and Bryce had clearly told everyone else. It was bad enough the whole thing had given me nightmares I didn’t want—I didn’t need this crap.
“I’m not bulimic. But it’s good to know you are so concerned about a possibly life-threatening disorder affecting a classmate. You should win an award or something for most compassionate student. No, wait. I mean the most self-centered dipshit award.”
Her mouth fell open in outrage and she shifted her entire desk away from mine with a screech across the hardwood floors.
That probably wasn’t the best way for me to go about making new friends.
As it turned out I shouldn’t have worried too much about alienating one of my classmates. By Day Four at Tobias Rochester, Eloise’s friends had done that for me. I had not made one friend and the only classmate that spoke to me at all was Gabe, and that was to flirt with me briefly in the cafeteria. It didn’t make me feel too special, however, because it became clear as he mingled with other students that Gabe flirted with a lot of girls.
I’d also exhausted all avenues regarding extracurricular activities. It turned out every team was full—the debate team, yearbook, events committee... I’d even asked about the math and science teams but apparently only geniuses were allowed and I was rejected because of my mere above-average brain. As for athletics, they had no soccer team so I was already at a disadvantage. I couldn’t play basketball or lacrosse, I couldn’t fence or dance (at least not at the level Tobias Rochester dance team could), I couldn’t sail, row or play rugby or squash. The only thing I was good at was running but the cross-country team was full, which left me with just plain old running. Not exactly a team sport but I signed up, anyway.
Tobias Rochester was a small and competitive school. If you didn’t get your foot in the door of a team the first day of the school year it was doubtful you ever would.
The only other extracurricular options left to me were the Tobias Rochester Chronicle and whatever Eloise could rustle me up in the theater. I still hadn’t heard from Franklin and every time I walked into Modern European History I braced myself for disappointment.
On Friday I did just that as I strode into his class.
“India,” Franklin said as soon as I stepped into the room, “see me after class, please.”
I sucked in a breath and nodded, not wanting to get my hopes up. Part of me wished he would just tell me before class started so I knew one way or the other if my school career was destined for the toilet.
Settled at my seat, I kept my head down, not looking up when the seat next to me scraped back. My breathing came a little faster and I hated that Finn made me apprehensive. I refused to acknowledge his presence just as he’d ignored my existence for the last four days. We’d passed one another in the hall and, like Eloise, he’d looked anywhere but at me. He never spoke to me in the three classes we shared and he’d also ignored me last night when Eloise had her crew over to hang out by the pool and eat pizza. Thankfully Theo and Hayley hadn’t been home so I wasn’t forced to go out and sit with them all.
I did think it was weird that last night was the first time I’d seen Finn at the house since my first day there. Plus, he’d never been there alone. It bugged me that I was so curious about his and Eloise’s relationship. Why should I care?
I cut Finn a look out of the corner of my eye. He was wearing a dark blue Henley with black jeans. All week I’d seen him in shirts that were rolled up at the sleeves and suit pants. Today his top was more fitted, highlighting his broad shoulders and slim waist. I’d discovered Finn was the only junior on the school’s very distinguished rowing crew, and to top that he was the stroke, the most important position in the boat. The stroke was the rower closest to the stern and set the stroke rate and rhythm for the rest of his crew to follow. In a way he was kind of like their leader, their captain.
Turning my focus on Franklin, I listened as he went over what we’d been discussing all week. Toward the end of class he sat on his desk and grinned at us in a way that made me wary. That was a grin that wanted something from us.
“So,” he said, “I’m going to split you into pairs and each team is going to give the class a verbal and visual presentation in two weeks.”
The tops of my ears got hot at Franklin’s announcement. This could either be a very good thing for me, or a very bad thing. If Franklin teamed me up with someone I didn’t know, then there was a chance I could straighten out a few of those rumors and actually make a friend. But if Franklin teamed me up with—
“Finn and India, you’ll be partners. Your topic is the Lisbon earthquake of 1755 and its social and political effects on the rest of the world.”
I was screwed.
I tensed as Franklin smiled at us, completely unaware of the major disaster he was creating.
I didn’t hear a word he said after that.
Bracing myself, I turned to Finn.
The muscle in his jaw ticked.
So he was pissed.
Well, that just pissed me off.
“Looks like you’re going to have to make eye contact with me,” I said.
He turned his head slightly to look at me. “Looks like it.”
“You know I’m not really a drug addict, right? Your good buddy Gabe made that crap up.”
His lips quirked at the corner.
My God...was that an actual semismile?
“I know,” he said.
“So that should make working with me a little more reassuring.”
I got no reply.
“You do also know that there is actual talking involved in a verbal presentation?”
“Was it the word verbal that gave it away?” he said.
I smirked. “I’m just pointing out that you’re going to have to work on this whole brooding monosyllabic thing you’ve got going on if we’re going to get a good grade.”
“Noted.”
“I guess you’re going to start working on it tomorrow, then.”
He sighed and sat back in his chair to look at me fully. “Do you have a smart reply to everything?”
“Not to Toaster Strudel.”
If I wasn’t mistaken that little quirk at the corner of his lips came back.
Did Finn actually have a sense of humor?
Before I could say anything more the bell rang, ending class. Finn immediately gathered his stuff.
“Before you go, we should arrange a time to meet up for this presentation.”
“After school Monday? I don’t have rowing then.”
“Sure. Where?”
“Front gate.” And with that clipped response he strode away.
Once the class had filtered out to head for lunch, I made my way over to Franklin. My heart rate was a little fast.
Do not get your hopes up. Do not get your hopes up, I chanted over and over in my head.
“India, thanks for staying behind,” Franklin said when I approached.
“Of course.”
“I’m sorry I’ve taken all week to get back to you. I was hoping to let you know what the situation was sooner but one of our students on the Chronicle surprised us by quitting. Too many after-school activities apparently.”
That meant there were two spots open on the paper, which gave me a better chance.
Do not get your hopes up.
Franklin smiled widely at me. “India, I have to admit that I’m really impressed by what you accomplished at your school paper. The stories you oversaw were current, important and on point. I particularly loved the article you wrote on your interview with the mayor. You asked some hard questions about city council budget cuts. Relevant questions.”
I flushed with pride at his compliment. “Thank you.”
“The other candidates were good but they weren’t good enough. I doubt any of them are truly interested in the Chronicle as much as they’re interested in adding as many extracurriculars to their schedule as they can to impress the Ivies.”
I raised an eyebrow at the comment and he laughed.
“I never said that.”
“I never heard it.”
“No matter my theories, the truth is at the end of the day you’re the best candidate. That’s why I’d like to offer you a place on the paper.”
Finally I was getting somewhere. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I see you doing well with the Chronicle. I think if you work hard enough this year the goal of making editor in your senior year wouldn’t be a fanciful one.”
Just what I had in mind. I grinned. “That would be wonderful. I’ll be the best book reviewer the Chronicle has ever seen.”
Franklin chuckled. “I’m sure you will. You’ll hopefully also be our final reader...our Ethics Maven. If you like?”
I was stunned by the offer. The Ethics Maven may not be a reporter but it was the person that gave reporters and editors the third degree on their stories, made sure they’d done their research properly, that their sources were legit and basically that they’d covered all their bases before the story went to print. It was a much better position than I’d hoped for because it meant I was involved in the process of mostly everything that went into the paper.
“Yes.” I gave a huff of pleased laughter. “Yes, of course. That’s great.”
“You can cope with both? Of course, I’ll be the final reader for your book reviews to keep things fair.”
“Fine, great.”
Franklin nodded and started to walk me toward the door. “Fantastic. Then welcome to the Tobias Rochester Chronicle. We’ll see you Monday after school in the newspaper office.”
“Great,” I agreed, and strode out of there feeling much happier than I had in a while.
It wasn’t until I hit the cafeteria and caught sight of Eloise’s table that I remembered I was supposed to meet Finn after school on Monday.
Crap.
* * *
I failed to find Finn to rearrange a time to meet to start on our presentation, but I’d probably see him over the weekend at the house or first thing at school on Monday.
For the first time ever I returned to Theo and Eloise’s house feeling not entirely grim about my new situation. For once Hayley was home when Gil delivered Eloise and me to the house but she was with her wedding planner. They were surrounded by magazines, pieces of material and a couple of large folders overflowing with what I could only assume was mind-numbing wedding “stuff.” Not wanting to get dragged into it I called out a quick hello and ran up the staircase. From what I could hear Eloise didn’t make her escape quick enough and had been drawn into the wedding zone.
Smirking at her misfortune I got settled in my room and did my homework for a few hours before Hayley stopped by to tell me dinner would be ready in thirty minutes.
I waited for her to leave and then decided I was done with homework for the night. Taking the back staircase so I could grab a soda from the kitchen before dinner, I was passing the second floor when I heard Theo’s raised voice coming from his office.
The sound made me tense and without even thinking about it I tiptoed closer to his office door. It was open a crack and when I peeked inside I saw Eloise sitting in a chair opposite her father’s desk. Theo sat behind what was possibly an antique desk, glowering at his daughter.
“Do you want to know how I know you’re lying?” he snapped.
I flinched back so I wouldn’t be caught, but holding my breath, I stayed to eavesdrop. I thought eavesdropping kind of sucked, but I’d been dumped into this strange house with a guy I didn’t know at all, and I’d do anything to uncover who he really was.
Eloise hadn’t replied to his angry question.
I heard Theo sigh. “I asked Headmaster Vanderbilt to keep an eye on things at school and report back to me on India’s progress. Would you like to know what he told me?”
More silence from his daughter.
“He told me he overheard a student aid in the office gossiping with a friend about how you are not only not making India feel welcome but that there are some suspicions you are responsible for a heinous rumor spread about India on her first day at school. Something about her recent stay at a drug rehabilitation center and being a bulimic as well as a recovering drug addict?”
“Daddy, I didn’t spread those rumors. That was Gabe and Bryce. I told people they weren’t true. I did, I promise.” She actually sounded like she meant it.
I heard Theo sigh again. “I believe you. But that doesn’t change the fact that you have shirked your duties this week. I specifically asked you to look out for India. Instead you’ve left her out in the cold. Is there something I’m not aware of? Are you unhappy with my relationship with Hayley and taking it out on India?”
“No, Daddy. I’m happy you’re happy. I like Hayley a lot.”
She sounded sincere about Hayley and I felt a pang of unease at the thought of the two of them growing close.
“So why aren’t you being welcoming to India?”
“I didn’t mean to be unwelcoming. I just... I don’t know how to be around her. We’re very different. It just felt easier to go on as I did before...before she got here.”
I was shocked by the whole conversation. It would seem Theo did care about how well I fit into my new life. I still didn’t know if that was because it reflected well on him or if he really cared about my feelings.
“Eloise, you’ve lived a very privileged life.” His voice had softened now. “India has not. You’re right. Our world is very different than the world she’s used to, and I can only imagine how overwhelming it is for her. You have to try to put yourself in her shoes. Compassion, Eloise. Compassion and kindness. You will show both to India. You will help her navigate the academic and social world of Tobias Rochester and you will teach her everything she needs to know in order to thrive here. Next week I expect to hear something very different from your headmaster. Is this understood?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
I stepped away quietly, hurrying down the hall and downstairs out of sight. The conversation I’d overheard made me feel unsettled and I wasn’t quite sure why. What I was sure of was that nothing would change come Monday morning. Sure, if Theo had threatened to cut off Eloise’s allowance, then maybe she would listen to him, but he hadn’t so I suspected I’d still be enjoying my lonerhood come Monday.
Not too long later I found myself at the dining table with the configuration that called itself my new family. Theo had immediately asked Hayley about her day so we got to listen to her go on about wedding plans again for another night. When she stopped to draw breath, Theo quickly asked me about my day at school.
I thought about the happy way it had ended. “I got two positions on the Chronicle.” I shot a look at Eloise but she had her head down, her fork moving some chicken around and around her plate, not seeming to hear a word I said. I turned back to Theo and Hayley. “I’m their new book reviewer and their Ethics Maven.”
Hayley grinned. “Sweetheart, that’s wonderful news! Oh, we should have gotten your favorite dessert to celebrate.”
“Ethics Maven?” Theo’s grin was almost as big as Hayley’s. “Really? India...that is fantastic. I’m very proud you made that happen in your first week. On your own, too,” he added meaningfully.
It sort of bugged me that he got how important that was. I didn’t particularly want to like anything about him.
“What’s your favorite dessert?” Theo asked me.
“Pecan pie and vanilla ice cream,” Hayley replied for me.
“Well, Eloise and I love pecan pie and vanilla ice cream, too. We’ll send out for it. One second.” He disappeared from the table before I could say anything and when he came back a minute later he smiled. “The local bakery is closed but Rosa is running out to the store to see if she can get a frozen one. Not quite the same but it should do.”
Hayley looked at him like he’d just said he’d solved world hunger. She leaned over the table to kiss his cheek. Her eyes flicked to me as she sat back in her seat. “What do you say, India?”
I just stopped myself from frowning. I hated it when anyone prompted me to act a certain way. Since it was a pretty decent thing he’d done, though, I managed to say thank you without adding a growl of annoyance.
“Ethics Maven on the Chronicle.” Theo squinted thoughtfully. “This year Ethics Maven, next year editor.”
“That’s the plan.”
“Good.” He looked over at his daughter. “Isn’t Finn the Chronicle’s photographer?”
I was surprised when a subdued Eloise nodded.
Finn was on the paper?
I would be working with Finn at the paper and we’d be working on a presentation together? Maybe that was a little bit too much Finn for my liking.
Wait...
If Finn was on the paper, then he had lied to me about meeting up after school Monday. He must have known he had a school paper meeting so that meant he’d planned on standing me up.
RUDE!
Quietly seething, not even the warmed-up pecan pie that arrived on my plate a while later was enough to dispel the cloudy thunderstorm above my head. I retreated to my room after dinner, angry at Finn and feeling generally gloomy about the quality of people in my new world.
I sat on my big princess bed watching the sun dip below the trees at the back of Theo’s grounds, my room welcoming in the shadows.
And when those shadows were swallowed up in the dark of the night I crawled under the covers to sleep and to escape the fact that not even the spots I got on the newspaper could change the fact that I was right where I was yesterday.
All alone.
CHAPTER 5 (#u2e87e5b1-71a8-500a-9100-9d4ffe3b0fe2)
THE NEXT MORNING I opened the French doors and felt the chill breeze on my skin. Although the sun was out, it seemed the unseasonably hot weather was coming to an end. It was a beautiful morning, though, and I decided to enjoy a little of my new life and have my breakfast outside.
I sat down in a lounge chair on the back patio and let the muted sun warm my face as my teeth tore into a huge chunk of the fresh croissant I’d gotten from the kitchen. Mmm, flaky goodness.
And that was the second best part of my day.
Like I suspected, Eloise had no intention of being friends with me. She took off with Charlotte and Bryce for the day. I had a swim in the gigantic pool despite the cool air and then spent the rest of the day studying. The best part of my day was when Anna FaceTimed me. We talked for a couple of hours before she had to get ready for a party at Kiersten’s. I did my best not to look glum when we said goodbye because I knew Anna would spend the rest of the night worrying about me if she detected I was sad.
When I came out of my room it was to discover that Eloise was off to a party. Theo thought I was with her so he and Hayley had gone out for dinner and Gretchen had taken off for the night. I was a little intimidated by the cook so I didn’t want to go into her kitchen and start moving things around. When the head housekeeper, Rosa, realized my predicament she gave me this look of sympathy that was akin to a knife in the chest. Rosa offered to make me something to eat, but her sympathy and the fact that I had been left out of my “family’s” plans just pissed me off.
Rosa scrutinized me. “Can you drive, Miss India?”
Although Hayley couldn’t afford to get me a car, I’d gotten my driver’s license that summer. “Yeah.”
“Miss Eloise’s car is in the garage. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you borrowing it, if you’d like to eat out this evening.”
Eloise had a car...that was something I did not know. I’d never seen her use it. I smiled at the thought of the freedom it would bring me. Really, I just wanted to get out of this godforsaken house. “That sounds perfect.”
I ran upstairs to get my purse and shoes and when I came back down Rosa was waiting on me. She handed me the keys to the garage house. “It’s the red Jaguar. Miss Eloise doesn’t like driving so it will be nice for the car to see some use.”
The large separate garage house was on the west of the property. Pressing a button on the keys I watched as one of the large doors automatically opened, revealing a number of cars. I wandered around the garage, checking out each one. There was a black Range Rover Sport, a white Mercedes SLK that Theo had gifted to Hayley a few days ago, a black Porsche 911 Carrera and a Jaguar F-type convertible.
The Jaguar was gorgeous. I ran my eyes over it, a little taken aback by how much I was drawn to a freaking car. I wondered if I had drool dribbling down my chin as I admired the deep metallic red.
Why did Eloise not drive this thing?
I walked over to the wall of hooks near the side door entrance and found the keys to the Jaguar. With excitement in my belly at the thought of driving the hot car, I slowly, carefully, got into the Jaguar. It still smelled of new leather.
I wrapped my fingers around the leather steering wheel and grinned.
Okay, so maybe there were perks to Theo’s world.
When I pulled out of the garage, I decided there was no maybe about it. The Jaguar was smooth and swift, and fit around my body like it had been built just for me. I’d lowered the roof to allow the cool night air to whisper over me as I drove, that whisper turning into a rougher caress as I picked up speed.
I didn’t know where I was going but in a car like this I didn’t even care. I headed east on the Boston Post Road until I saw signs for a diner called Maggie’s. I ended up about fifteen minutes outside Weston in a place called Waltham.
The diner had a retro look about it. Even the waitresses wore pink retro aprons over a cute white button-down shirt and a short black pencil skirt. Both girls had long hair pulled up into a high ponytail, tied with a pink ribbon, and they wore white bobby socks and white sneakers.
“Take a seat, honey,” a girl who didn’t look that much older than me called out.
I nodded and found a two-seater table in the corner out of the way. The smell of fried food made my stomach grumble.
After the waitress took my order, I slid the book I’d stuck in my purse out and I started to read.
And that’s how I whiled away my Saturday night.
It wasn’t depressing at all. Nope. Not. At. All.
I had to admit, though, I was pretty sad to put the Jag back in the garage. I couldn’t believe Eloise didn’t drive it more.
“India.” Theo practically ambushed me when I stepped inside the main house, striding into the entrance with Hayley at his back.
“Theo,” I said warily, wondering what had put the concern in his eyes.
“Your mother and I got home an hour ago only to discover you weren’t at the party. Rosa told us she gave you Eloise’s keys so you could get something to eat.”
“Yeah.” I shrugged, not wanting them to think that I thought it was a big deal. “I found a diner in Waltham. I ate and read there for a while.”
Both Theo and Hayley looked upset and not a little guilty. “We assumed Eloise had taken you to Bryce’s party. If we’d known she hadn’t, of course we would have arranged for you to have dinner with us.”
I clenched my jaw, my blood hot with humiliation. “I’m fine, okay? I told Eloise I didn’t want to go to the party.” Don’t ask me why I covered for her. I didn’t know the answer to that.
“Sweetheart, it’s not fine.” Hayley looked almost near tears. “I want us to be a family, not for you to feel alone.”
“It was one dinner, Hayley. Not exactly scarred here.”
She narrowed her eyes at my sarcasm, the tears having dissolved at my tone. “I’m trying to apologize.”
“Apology accepted. May I go to my room now?”
Annoyingly, Hayley looked to Theo for the answer to this. He didn’t look happy, but he nodded, and I quickly skirted past them and up the stairs.
Of course I’d lied to Hayley. It wasn’t fine. In fact, I could feel my resentment simmering on a higher heat day after day.
* * *
A shadow fell over me as I lazed on a lounge chair by the pool the next morning. I’m sure Theo and Hayley thought my absence from breakfast was some teenage tantrum about what happened last night, but honestly, I just wasn’t in the mood to face them. I’d nabbed a bowl of cereal in the kitchen while Gretchen was out of sight.
I sighed, thinking the shadow belonged to Hayley, and looked up and to my side.
I tensed.
Eloise stood over me, studying me, a million questions in her eyes. Once she had my attention she sat down on the chair next to mine.
This time she was the one who gave a heavy, almost defeated-sounding sigh. “You told Daddy you didn’t want to go to the party instead of telling him I didn’t invite you.”
Since it wasn’t really a question, I didn’t answer.
Her expression was guarded. “Why?”
I shrugged.
A few seconds of silence passed between us but it felt more like minutes.
“I didn’t spread those rumors at school,” she suddenly said.
Surprised that she felt the need to proclaim her innocence to me, I kept my own expression guarded, wondering what she was up to. “I know.”
Eloise raised one slim, perfect eyebrow. “You do?”
“Gabe told me he spread the rehab rumor. And I heard Bryce was responsible for that b.s. about my being bulimic.”
Biting her lip, Eloise nodded. “The bulimia rumor was partly my fault. I told her about the way you acted over our leftovers. But she came up with the bulimia thing on her own.”
“I bet she did,” I murmured.
Eloise studied her peach-painted toenails for a while. “I haven’t meant to be a bitch to you.” She looked up warily. “I just... I don’t think we have a lot in common.”
As much as I wanted in with the “in” crowd, I couldn’t deny she had a point. “I guess we don’t.”
She nodded, seeming to relax knowing that I agreed with her. “Daddy’s really mad at me right now. He doesn’t get mad at me a lot. He asked me to look out for you at school and found out that I didn’t.”
“I don’t need you to look out for me.”
“Yes, but I imagine it’s not really fun sitting alone during lunch.”
I didn’t reply because it wasn’t.
“I love my father,” Eloise said abruptly. “He’s one of my best friends. I don’t like disappointing him.”
I’d kind of worked that out for myself, and in my secret heart of hearts I was jealous as hell.
“Okay...”
“Tomorrow at school things will change. You’ll sit with us at lunch, walk with us in the hall.” She looked off in the distance, her shoulders hunched to her ears. “We can’t force friendship, but we can certainly be civil to one another.”
She was so proper, so constrained. It occurred to me that her demeanor was a defensive strategy. It hid her emotions. It hid her vulnerabilities. It was a different kind of defense from my own, but a defense nonetheless, and I found that it was a small piece of common ground between us.
So I replied, “That works for me. Thanks.”
Eloise looked back at me, apparently surprised by my response as her face softened with questions and curiosity. But the look was fleeting and just like that the warmth was zapped from her hazel eyes, the cold distance crystallizing in them once more.
“Well—” she stood up “—I’m off to Finn’s. I’ll see you later.”
“Bye.” I watched her leave, more confused than ever. Like her father, I couldn’t figure Eloise out. As much as I’d been convinced she and Theo would be the villains in this chapter of my life, now I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that was true.
No matter my confusion, the apprehension I’d been carrying around with me for the past week was draining from me.
Tomorrow at school I was to make my first appearance with the “in” crowd. I had a lot to overcome, what with the rehab and bulimia rumors, but those would be so much easier to get past while walking at the side of the most popular juniors at Tobias Rochester High.
I smiled, my shoulders melting into the lounge chair. I was on my way to making my way back up to the top again.
CHAPTER 6 (#u2e87e5b1-71a8-500a-9100-9d4ffe3b0fe2)
WHATEVER I WAS expecting the next morning, the usual awkward, tense silence between Eloise and me wasn’t it. Yet awkward, tense silence was what I got.
I’m not going to lie—I had a moment of panic as we slid into the town car, thinking yesterday’s encounter had been a dream and I was back to being persona non grata with her.
Thankfully, as Gil pulled out of the drive, Eloise spoke.
“When we arrive at school you’ll walk in with me.”
I looked at her. She wasn’t looking at me. She was staring forlornly out the window.
Maybe if she’d been pissed off about the fact that she had to give me the time of day, I would have enjoyed the situation more. As it was, the wary look on her face not only confused me but it almost made me want to cut her some slack and tell her to forget about helping me. If it were any other rich princess I’d say Eloise was bothered by the fact that she had to associate with a lowly peasant such as myself, but somehow I knew that wasn’t what was bothering her.
It was something deeper.
Something more troubling.
And that confused the hell out of me.
It also made me a little uneasy.
“Okay,” I said softly.
My tone made her look at me and just like that the forlorn expression she’d been wearing was wiped away. The cold distance was back.
“You’ll be okay.” Her words were kind, but her tone was empty.
“Yeah.” I nodded and looked out the other window. “I always am.”
We were silent the rest of the way to school and I knew for sure then that Eloise may be welcoming me into her group for the sake of appearances, but I was still an outsider to her.
Gil gave me a bolstering smile when he saw that Eloise was waiting for me to get out of the car. I wished him a good day and followed my new “friend” through the school gates. Walking at her side, I immediately drew stares from our fellow students. Confusion seemed to be the most popular expression among them.
I knew by the unsurprised looks on Bryce’s and Charlotte’s faces that Eloise had already forewarned them about me. Bryce gave me this cool little chin nod of acknowledgment, while Charlotte full-out beamed at me.
“Hey, India.”
Her warm welcome soothed me a little. “Hey.” I smiled back, doing my best not to feel like a total fish out of water as we stood by Eloise’s locker.
“Do you need to go to your locker?” Eloise asked, but she was putting books in hers so I didn’t know who she was talking to.
“She means you.” Bryce sighed as if I was an idiot.
I ignored her. “Yeah, I do.”
Eloise slammed her locker door shut. “Well, let’s go, then.”
Wow. She really meant it when she said we would hang out in the halls. I led the way, Eloise at my side, while Bryce and Charlotte chatted behind us. They were gossiping about some girl called Katherine who had “so obviously been coming on to Finn” at Bryce’s party that Saturday night.
I glanced at Eloise for a reaction to this. I saw a flash of something that looked an awful lot like jealousy cross her eyes before she turned to stone.
“She is so delusional. As if Finn would ever go for her,” Bryce said.
“She’s a senior. And she’s very pretty,” Eloise suddenly murmured.
Was that insecurity I heard?
“Uh, not as pretty as you,” Charlotte defended her friend heatedly.
“And let’s not forget the fact that you’re a Fairweather, Elle.” Bryce rubbed Eloise’s shoulder reassuringly. “Katherine’s only a Kelter. Rochesters don’t date nobodies like that.”
I just barely contained my snort at the outrageous comment. These people were crazy choosing who was cool enough to date based on their family’s last name. Not only had I moved across the country, I’d moved into a freaking Jane Austen novel.
Eloise didn’t seem to hear her friends. “As I was saying, she’s a senior and she’s pretty, but Finn and I are solid. No one is breaking us up.” It was the first time I’d heard any kind of passion from her. And it was about Finn. Clearly he was more important to her than I’d thought.
Her tone made Charlotte quickly change the subject to the calculus homework she was struggling with. Eloise offered to tutor her as we reached my locker, and as I sorted books into it and got out my Microeconomics stuff, I realized I hadn’t once been invited into the conversation and my response wasn’t really expected.
I sighed inwardly.
I could cope with that.
For now.
The bell rang and the four of us walked to our Microeconomics class. I started toward my seat on the other side of the room when Charlotte’s voice stopped me.
“Where are you going?”
“My seat.” I gestured to it.
Bryce sighed. “I don’t think so.” She rolled her eyes and motioned me to the seat next to Charlotte’s. If I remembered correctly it also happened to be the seat in front of Finn. “Sit.”
“Isn’t that someone else’s seat?”
“It was. Now it’s yours,” Bryce insisted. “Sit.”
I looked at Eloise, who was settling in. She nodded. “Sit.”
Okay, then.
I’d just put my ass in the seat when Finn wandered in with Gabe and Joshua. My eyes clashed with Finn’s first and this time he held my stare. The fact that he did made me breathless for some weird, stupid reason. My cheeks felt hot as he approached, but he broke the moment by looking away. Without acknowledging me he passed us, squeezing his girlfriend’s shoulder. “Hey,” he said to her as he took the seat beside her.
Eloise gave him a small smile. “Hey. You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re here.” Gabe sat on my desk, taking my focus off the couple. He was grinning down at me. “I knew this day would come.”
I smirked at him. “Apparently my charm is too great to resist.”
Bryce snorted derisively as Gabe laughed.
“Yo, India,” Joshua said behind him as he took the seat next to Bryce.
I nodded a hello and looked back at Gabe. “Are you planning on staying there?”
“Well, we could remove the desk between us.” He waggled his eyebrows at me suggestively.
It was my turn to snort. “Unless you’re Channing Tatum I really don’t want a lap dance.”
Charlotte giggled.
“Pfft,” Gabe huffed. “Magic Mike ain’t got nothin’ on me.”
“What kind of accent was that?” Joshua turned around to tease his friend.
“Street,” Gabe said as if it was obvious.
“What street?”
“Shut up. Dude, you’re salting my game.”
I burst out laughing. “Okay, get off my desk.”
“Yes, Gabe, get off her desk,” our Microeconomics teacher, Mr. Adams, said as he strolled into the classroom.
Gabe pouted comically and then just as swiftly he grinned, winked at me and jumped up to take the seat beside Finn.
Now that Gabe wasn’t in my face I took a quick look around our classroom and, sure enough, most everyone was staring at me.
I shrugged it off and faced forward, but inside I had happy little butterflies.
They all thought I was “in.” I could have kissed Gabe.
Relaxing, I was readying myself to put thoughts of my popularity on hold and concentrate on class when I felt this tingling on the back of my neck.
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Дата публикации: 16.04.2024
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О книге: I know how to watch my back. I′m the only one that ever has.India Maxwell hasn′t just moved across the country—she′s plummeted to the bottom rung of the social ladder. It′s taken years to cover the mess of her home life with a veneer of popularity. Now she′s living in one of Boston′s wealthiest neighbourhoods with her mom′s fiancé and his daughter, Eloise. Thanks to her soon-to-be stepsister′s clique of friends, including Eloise′s gorgeous, arrogant boyfriend, Finn, India feels like the one thing she hoped never to be seen as again: trash.But India′s not alone in struggling to control the secrets of her past. Eloise and Finn, the school′s golden couple, aren′t all they seem to be. In fact, everyone′s life is infinitely more complex than it first appears. And as India grows closer to Finn and befriends Eloise, threatening the facades that hold them together, what′s left are truths that are brutal, beautiful and big enough to change them forever…From New York Times bestselling author Samantha Young comes a story of friendship, identity and acceptance that will break your heart—and make it whole again.