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The Breakdown: The gripping thriller from the bestselling author of Behind Closed Doors
B A Paris


It all started that night in the woods.Cass Anderson didn’t stop to help the woman in the car, and now that woman is dead.Ever since, silent calls have been plaguing Cass and she’s sure someone is watching her every move.It doesn’t help that she’s forgetting everything, too. Where she left the car, if she took her pills, the house alarm code - and whether the knife in the kitchen really had blood on it.Bestselling author B A Paris is back with a brand new psychological thriller full of twists and turns that will keep you on the edge of your seat.









Praise for B A Paris (#ulink_0a74186b-cc8e-595b-a555-fd1cf7ccbd9a)


‘An addictive new voice in suspense fiction’

Sophie Hannah

‘A psychological page-turner’

Good Housekeeping

‘Gripping!’

Woman

‘You’ll love this’

The Sun

‘Chilling’

Heat

‘Utterly compelling, brilliant and tense.’

Lisa Hall, author of Between You and Me

‘If you loved The Girl on the Train read Behind Closed Doors’

Elle

‘Brilliant, chilling, scary and unputdownable.’

Lesley Pearse, bestselling author of Without a Trace

‘BA Paris has done it again! A page turning thriller that will leave you questioning the family you love, the friends you trust, and even your own mind.’

Wendy Walker, author of All is Not Forgotten




B A PARIS is from a Franco/Irish background. She was brought up in England and moved to France where she spent some years working as a trader in an international bank before re-training as a teacher and setting up a language school with her husband. They still live in France and have five daughters.


She is the author of the bestselling psychological thriller Behind Closed Doors.









For my parents




ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS (#ulink_d35c02b2-8bf2-50d7-8567-de595d5f0c28)


Eternal gratitude to my wonderful agent Camilla Wray, who has made so many things possible, and to the rest of the team at Darley Anderson for being an absolute pleasure to work with. And also for their expertise - I wouldn’t be where I am without them.

Huge thanks to my amazing editor, Sally Williamson, for her invaluable advice and support, and for always being on the end of the phone. Thank you too to the rest of the team at HQ for their enthusiasm and professionalism – you’re the best! And in the US, to Jennifer Weis, Lisa Senz, Jessica Preeg and all at St Martin’s Press for their continued faith in me.

Last, but definitely not least, special thanks as always to my family – my daughters, my husband, my parents, my brothers and sister - for always being interested in my writing. And to my lovely friends, both in England and France, who are as excited about my new career as I am!




CONTENTS


Cover (#ubc89a16b-6bff-5327-98df-a3335a2657c8)

Praise (#ulink_77c5bc69-481b-5bcc-9215-0b2c56a0a628)

About the Author (#ulink_2b4b40bc-2749-5134-93da-e5b92cea0a34)

Title Page (#u7275d169-6b0d-57ac-8e7e-590e3a346a23)

Dedication

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS (#ulink_0a99853e-9ef7-5ed6-8f41-edd1b99817cb)

FRIDAY, JULY 17TH (#ulink_9365a9c4-dfa5-57a5-91a7-10fb38f1afc0)

SATURDAY, JULY 18TH (#ulink_5d6df01e-8fe6-550c-ab28-0b8adc07916f)

FRIDAY, JULY 24TH (#ulink_2fcbfb93-5245-56b4-be11-e7480291c75a)

SATURDAY, JULY 25TH (#ulink_f3420728-89c9-509d-a8c4-79a20137cf89)

SUNDAY, JULY 26TH (#ulink_4c0f2bb3-ce0c-5d56-95e3-d2c307e5e126)

MONDAY, JULY 27TH (#ulink_6011a468-6980-5e4a-9a09-effefc6ada37)

WEDNESDAY, JULY 29TH (#ulink_b2070979-ff9e-51ec-b48b-03ef8ca86407)

FRIDAY, JULY 31ST (#ulink_266bd34a-69c6-5b77-b7fd-51a46dcdd2e1)

SUNDAY, AUGUST 2ND (#litres_trial_promo)

TUESDAY, AUGUST 4TH (#litres_trial_promo)

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 5TH (#litres_trial_promo)

FRIDAY, AUGUST 7TH (#litres_trial_promo)

SATURDAY, AUGUST 8TH (#litres_trial_promo)

SUNDAY, AUGUST 9TH (#litres_trial_promo)

MONDAY, AUGUST 10TH (#litres_trial_promo)

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 12TH (#litres_trial_promo)

THURSDAY, AUGUST 13TH (#litres_trial_promo)

FRIDAY, AUGUST 14TH (#litres_trial_promo)

SATURDAY, AUGUST 15TH (#litres_trial_promo)

FRIDAY, AUGUST 28TH (#litres_trial_promo)

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 1ST (#litres_trial_promo)

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20TH (#litres_trial_promo)

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 21ST (#litres_trial_promo)

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 22ND (#litres_trial_promo)

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 28TH (#litres_trial_promo)

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 29TH (#litres_trial_promo)

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 30TH (#litres_trial_promo)

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 1ST (#litres_trial_promo)

FRIDAY OCTOBER 2ND (#litres_trial_promo)

Extract (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)


FRIDAY, JULY 17TH (#ulink_114fae93-b148-54ba-a121-61f49511892a)

The thunder starts as we’re saying goodbye, leaving each other for the summer holidays ahead. A loud crack echoes off the ground, making Connie jump. John laughs, the hot air dense around us.

‘You need to hurry!’ he shouts.

With a quick wave I run to my car. As I reach it, my mobile starts ringing, its sound muffled by my bag. From the ringtone I know that it’s Matthew.

‘I’m on my way,’ I tell him, fumbling for the door handle in the dark. ‘I’m just getting in the car.’

‘Already?’ His voice comes down the line. ‘I thought you were going back to Connie’s.’

‘I was, but the thought of you waiting for me was too tempting,’ I tease. The flat tone to his voice registers. ‘Is everything all right?’ I ask.

‘Yes, it’s just that I’ve got an awful migraine. It started about an hour ago and it’s getting steadily worse. That’s why I’m phoning. Do you mind if I go up to bed?’

I feel the air heavy on my skin and think of the storm looming; no rain has arrived yet but instinct tells me it won’t be far behind. ‘Of course not. Have you taken anything for it?’

‘Yes, but it doesn’t seem to be shifting. I thought I’d go and lie down in the spare room; that way, if I do fall asleep, you won’t disturb me when you come in.’

‘Good idea.’

‘I don’t really like going to bed without knowing you’re back safely.’

I smile at this. ‘I’ll be fine, it’ll only take me forty minutes. Unless I come back through the woods, by Blackwater Lane.’

‘Don’t you dare!’ I can almost sense a shaft of pain rocketing through his head at his raised tone. ‘Ouch, that hurt,’ he says, and I wince in sympathy. He lowers his voice to a more bearable level. ‘Cass, promise you won’t come back that way. First of all, I don’t want you driving through the woods on your own at night and, second, there’s a storm coming.’

‘OK, I won’t,’ I say hastily, folding myself onto the driver’s seat and dropping my bag onto the seat next to me.

‘Promise?’

‘Promise.’ I turn the key in the ignition and shift the car into gear, the phone now hot between my shoulder and ear.

‘Drive carefully,’ he cautions.

‘I will. Love you.’

‘Love you more.’

I put my phone in my bag, smiling at his insistence. As I manoeuvre out of the parking space, fat drops of rain splatter onto my windscreen. Here it comes, I think.

By the time I get to the dual carriageway, the rain is coming down hard. Stuck behind a huge lorry, my wipers are no match for the spray thrown up by its wheels. As I move out to pass it, lightning streaks across the sky and, falling back into a childhood habit, I begin a slow count in my head. The answering rumble of thunder comes when I get to four. Maybe I should have gone back to Connie’s with the others, after all. I could have waited out the storm there, while John amused us with his jokes and stories. I feel a sudden stab of guilt at the look in his eyes when I’d said I wouldn’t be joining them. It had been clumsy of me to mention Matthew. What I should have said was that I was tired, like Mary, our Head, had.

The rain becomes a torrent and the cars in the fast lane drop their speed accordingly. They converge around my little Mini and the sudden oppression makes me pull back into the slow lane. I lean forward in my seat, peering through the windscreen, wishing my wipers would work a little faster. A lorry thunders past, then another and when it cuts back into my lane without warning, causing me to brake sharply, it suddenly feels too dangerous to stay on this road. More lightning forks the sky and in its wake the sign for Nook’s Corner, the little hamlet where I live, looms into view. The black letters on the white background, caught in the headlights and glowing like a beacon in the dark, seem so inviting that, suddenly, at the very last minute, when it’s almost too late, I veer off to the left, taking the short cut that Matthew didn’t want me to take. A horn blares angrily behind me and as the sound chases me down the pitch-black lane into the woods, it feels like an omen.

Even with my headlights full on, I can barely see where I’m going and I instantly regret the brightly lit road I left behind. Although this road is beautiful by day – it cuts through bluebell woods – its hidden dips and bends will make it treacherous on a night like this. A knot of anxiety balls in my stomach at the thought of the journey ahead. But the house is only fifteen minutes away. If I keep my nerve, and not do anything rash, I’ll soon be home. Still, I put my foot down a little.

A sudden rush of wind rips through the trees, buffeting my little car and, as I fight to keep it steady on the road, I hit a sudden dip. For a few scary seconds, the wheels leave the ground and my stomach lurches into my mouth, giving me that awful roller-coaster feeling. As it smacks back down onto the road, water whooshes up the side of the car and cascades onto the windscreen, momentarily blinding me.

‘No!’ I cry as the car judders to a halt in the pooling water. Fear of becoming stranded in the woods drives adrenalin through my veins, spurring me into action. Shifting the car into gear with a crunch, I jam my foot down. The engine groans in protest but the car moves forward, ploughing through the water and up the other side of the dip. My heart, which has been keeping time with the wipers as they thud crazily back and forth across the windscreen, is pounding so hard that I need a few seconds to catch my breath. But I don’t dare pull over in case the car refuses to start again. So I drive on, more carefully now.

A couple of minutes later, a sudden crack of thunder makes me jump so violently that my hands fly off the wheel. The car slews dangerously to the left and as I yank it back into position, my hands shaking now, I feel a rush of fear that I might not make it home in one piece. I try to calm myself but I feel under siege, not only from the elements but also from the trees as they writhe back and forth in a macabre dance, ready to pluck my little car from the road and toss it into the storm at any moment. With the rain drumming on the roof, the wind rattling the windows and the wipers thumping away, it’s difficult to concentrate.

There are bends coming up ahead so I shift forward in my seat and grip the wheel tightly. The road is deserted and, as I negotiate one bend, and then the next, I pray I’ll see some tail lights in front of me so that I can follow them the rest of the way through the woods. I want to phone Matthew, just to hear his voice, just to know I’m not the only one left in the world, because that’s how it feels. But I don’t want to wake him, not when he has a migraine. Besides, he would be furious if he knew where I was.

Just when I think my journey is never going to end, I clear a bend and see the rear lights of a car a hundred yards or so in front of me. Giving a shaky sigh of relief, I speed up a little. Intent on catching it up, it’s only when I’m almost on top of it that I realise it isn’t moving at all, but parked awkwardly in a small lay-by. Caught unaware, I swerve out around it, missing the right-hand side of its bumper by inches and as I draw level, I turn and glare angrily at the driver, ready to yell at him for not putting on his warning lights. A woman looks back at me, her features blurred by the teeming rain.

Thinking that she’s broken down, I pull in a little way in front of her and come to a stop, leaving the engine running. I feel sorry for her having to get out of her car in such awful conditions and, as I keep watch in my rear-view mirror – perversely glad that someone else has been foolish enough to cut through the woods in a storm – I imagine her scrambling around for an umbrella. It’s a good ten seconds before I realise that she’s not going to get out of her car and I can’t help feeling irritated, because surely she’s not expecting me to run back to her in the pouring rain? Unless there’s a reason why she can’t leave her car – in which case, wouldn’t she flash her lights or sound her horn to tell me she needs help? But nothing happens so I start unbuckling my seat belt, my eyes still fixed on the rear-view mirror. Although I can’t see her clearly, there’s something off about the way she’s just sitting there with her headlights on, and the stories that Rachel used to tell me when we were young flood my mind: about people who stop for someone who’s broken down, only to find there’s an accomplice waiting to steal their car, of drivers who leave their cars to help an injured deer lying in the road only to be brutally attacked and find that the whole thing was staged. I do my seat belt back up quickly. I hadn’t seen anyone else in the car as I’d driven past but that doesn’t mean they’re not there, hiding in the back seat, ready to leap out.

Another bolt of lightning shoots through the sky and disappears into the woods. The wind whips up and branches scrabble at the passenger window, like someone trying to get in. A shiver runs down my spine. I feel so vulnerable that I release the handbrake and move the car forward a little to make it look as if I’m going to drive off, hoping it will provoke the woman into doing something – anything – to tell me that she doesn’t want me to leave. But still there is nothing. Reluctantly, I pull to a stop again, because it doesn’t seem right to drive off and leave her. But neither do I want to put myself at risk. When I think about it, she hadn’t seemed distressed when I’d driven past, she hadn’t waved frantically or given any indication that she needed help, so maybe somebody – her husband or one of the breakdown services – is already on their way. If I broke down, Matthew would be my first port of call, not a stranger in a car.

As I sit there, dithering, the rain picks up speed, drumming urgently on the roof – Go, go, go! It makes my mind up for me. Releasing the brake, I drive off as slowly as I can, giving her one last chance to call me back. But she doesn’t.

A couple of minutes later, I’m out of the woods and heading towards home, a beautiful old cottage with climbing roses over the front door and a rambling garden at the back. My phone beeps, telling me that the phone signal has kicked in. A mile or so further down the road, I turn into our drive and park as close to the house as possible, glad that I’m home safe and sound. The woman in the car is still on my mind and I wonder about phoning the local police station or the breakdown services to tell them about her. Remembering the message that came through as I drove out of the woods, I take my phone from my bag and look at the screen.

The text is from Rachel:

Hi, hope you had fun tonight! Off to bed now as had to go straight to work from the airport so feeling v jet-lagged. Just wanted to check you got the gift for Susie? I’ll call you tomorrow morning xx

As I get to the end I find myself frowning – why was Rachel checking to see if I’d bought Susie a present? I hadn’t, not yet, because with the run-up to the end of the school year I’d been too busy. Anyway, the party isn’t until tomorrow evening and I’d been planning to go shopping in the morning to buy her something. I read the message again and, this time, the words ‘the gift’ rather than ‘a gift’ jump out at me, because it sounds as if Rachel is expecting me to have bought something from the two of us.

I think back to the last time I saw her. It had been about two weeks ago, the day before she’d left for New York. She’s a consultant in the UK division of a huge American consultancy firm, Finchlakers, and often goes to the US on business. That evening, we’d gone to the cinema together and then on for a drink. Maybe that was when she’d asked me to get something for Susie. I rack my brains, trying to remember, trying to guess what we might have decided to buy. It could be anything – perfume, jewellery, a book – but nothing rings a bell. Had I forgotten? Memories of Mum, uncomfortable ones, flood my mind and I push them away quickly. It isn’t the same, I tell myself fiercely, I am not the same. By tomorrow, I’ll have remembered.

I stuff my phone back in my bag. Matthew’s right, I need a break. If I could just relax for a couple of weeks on a beach, I’d be fine. And Matthew needs a break too. We hadn’t had a honeymoon because we’d been busy renovating our cottage so the last time I’d had a proper holiday, the sort where you do nothing all day but lie on a beach and soak up the sun, was before Dad died, eighteen years ago. After, money had been too tight to do anything much, especially when I’d had to give up my job as a teacher to care for Mum. It was why, when I discovered shortly after she died, that rather than being a penniless widow, she was in fact wealthy, I was devastated. I couldn’t understand why she’d been content to live with so little when she could have lived in luxury. I was so shocked I’d barely heard what the solicitor was saying, so that by the time I managed to grasp how much money there was I could only stare at him in disbelief. I’d thought my father had left us with nothing.

A crack of thunder, further away now, brings me sharply back to the present. I peer through the window, wondering if I can make it out of the car and under the porch without getting wet. Clutching my handbag to my chest, I open the door and make a dash for it, the key ready in my hand.

In the hall, I kick off my shoes and tiptoe upstairs. The door to the spare bedroom is closed and I’m tempted to open it just an inch to see if Matthew is asleep. But I don’t want to risk waking him so instead I quickly get ready for bed, and before my head even touches the pillow, I’m asleep.


SATURDAY, JULY 18TH (#ulink_47839dff-2827-5c03-8f2a-a3474a4ff57a)

I wake the next morning to find Matthew sitting on the edge of the bed, a mug of tea in his hand.

‘What time is it?’ I murmur, struggling to open my eyes against the sunshine streaming in through the window.

‘Nine o’clock. I’ve been up since seven.’

‘How’s the migraine?’

‘Gone.’ In the sunlight his sandy hair looks golden and I reach up and run my hands through it, loving its thickness.

‘Is that for me?’ I ask, eyeing the mug hopefully.

‘Of course.’

I wriggle into a sitting position and sink my head back against the pillows. ‘Lovely Day’, my favourite feel-good song, is playing on the radio downstairs and with the prospect of six weeks’ holiday in front of me, life feels good.

‘Thanks,’ I say, taking the mug from him. ‘Did you manage to sleep?’

‘Yes, like a log. I’m sorry I couldn’t wait up for you. How was your journey back?’

‘Fine. Lots of thunder and lightning, though. And rain.’

‘Well, at least the sun is back out this morning.’ He nudges me gently. ‘Move over.’ Careful not to spill my tea, I make way for him and he climbs in beside me. He lifts his arm and I settle back into him, my head on his shoulder. ‘A woman has been found dead not far from here,’ he says, so softly that I almost don’t hear him. ‘I just heard it on the news.’

‘That’s awful.’ I put my mug on the bedside table and turn to look at him. ‘When you say not far from here, where do you mean? In Browbury?’

He brushes a strand of hair from my forehead, his fingers soft on my skin. ‘No, nearer than that, somewhere along the road that goes through the woods between here and Castle Wells.’

‘Which road?’

‘You know, Blackwater Lane.’ He bends to kiss me but I pull away from him.

‘Stop it, Matthew.’ I look at him, my heart fluttering behind my ribs like a bird trapped in a cage, waiting for him to smile, to tell me that he knows I came back that way last night and is just teasing. But he only frowns.

‘I know. It’s horrible, isn’t it?’

I stare at him. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Yes.’ He looks genuinely puzzled. ‘I wouldn’t make something like that up.’

‘But…’ I feel suddenly sick. ‘How did she die? Did they give any details?’

He shakes his head. ‘No, just that she was in her car.’

I turn away from him so that he can’t see my face. It can’t be the same woman, I tell myself, it can’t be.

‘I have to get up,’ I say as his arms come round me again. ‘I need to go shopping.’

‘What for?’

‘Susie’s present. I still haven’t got her anything and it’s her party tonight.’ I swing my legs from the bed and stand up.

‘There’s no hurry, is there?’ he protests. But I’ve already gone, taking my phone with me.

In the bathroom, I lock the door and turn on the shower, wanting to drown out the voice in my head telling me that the woman who’s been found dead is the one that I passed in my car last night. Feeling horribly shaky, I sit down on the edge of the bath and bring up the Internet, looking for news. It’s Breaking News on the BBC but there are no details. All it says is that a woman has been found dead in her car near Browbury in Sussex. Found dead. Does that mean she committed suicide? The thought is appalling.

My mind races, trying to work it out. If it is the same woman, maybe she hadn’t broken down, maybe she had stopped in the lay-by on purpose, because it was isolated, so that she wouldn’t be disturbed. It would explain why she hadn’t flashed her lights, why she hadn’t asked for my help – why, when she’d looked back at me through the window, she hadn’t made any sign for me to stop, as she surely would have if she’d broken down. My stomach churns with unease. Now, with the sun streaming in through the bathroom window, it seems incredible that I hadn’t gone to check on her. If I had, things might have ended differently. She might have told me she was fine, she might have pretended that she’d broken down and that someone was coming to help her. But if she had, I would have offered to wait until they arrived. And if she had insisted I leave, I would have become suspicious, I would have got her to talk to me – and she might still be alive. And wasn’t I meant to have told someone about her? But distracted by Rachel’s text and the present I was meant to have bought for Susie, I’d forgotten all about the woman in the car.

‘Are you going to be long in there, sweetheart?’ Matthew’s voice comes through the bathroom door.

‘I’ll be out in a minute!’ I call over the sound of the water running wastefully down the drain.

‘I’ll make a start on breakfast, then.’

I strip off my pyjamas and get into the shower. The water is hot but not hot enough to wash away the burning guilt I feel. I scrub my body fiercely, trying not to think about the woman unscrewing a bottle of pills and shaking them into her hand, lifting them to her mouth and swallowing them down with water. What horrors had she endured to make her want to take her life? As she was dying, was there a point when she began to regret what she had done? Hating where my thoughts are going I turn off the water and get out of the shower. The sudden silence is unsettling so I locate the radio on my phone, hoping to hear someone belting out a song full of hope and cheer, anything to stop me from thinking about the woman in the car.

‘… a woman has been found dead in her car in Blackwater Lane in the early hours of the morning. Her death is being treated as suspicious. No further details have been given for the moment but the police are advising people living in the area to be vigilant.’

Shock takes my breath away. ‘Her death is being treated as suspicious’ – The words resonate around the bathroom. Isn’t that what the police say when someone has been murdered? I feel suddenly frightened. I was there, in the same spot. Had the killer been there too, lurking in the bushes, waiting for the opportunity to kill someone? The thought that it could have been me, that I could have been the one to be murdered makes me feel dizzy. I grope for the towel rail, forcing myself to take deep breaths. I must have been mad to have gone that way last night.

In the bedroom, I dress quickly in a black-cotton dress, pulling it from a pile of clothes left on the chair. Downstairs, the smell of grilled sausages turns my stomach before I’ve even opened the kitchen door.

‘I thought we’d celebrate the start of your holidays with a slap-up breakfast,’ Matthew says. He looks so happy that I force a smile onto my face, not wanting to spoil it for him.

‘Lovely.’ I want to tell him about last night, I want to tell him that I could have been murdered, I want to share my horror with him because it seems too big a thing to keep to myself. But if I tell him that I came back through the woods, especially after he specifically told me not to, he’ll be furious. It won’t matter that I’m here, sitting in the kitchen unharmed, not lying murdered in my car. He’ll feel like I do, scared at what could have happened, appalled that I put myself in danger.

‘So what time are you going shopping?’ he asks. He’s wearing a grey T-shirt and thin cotton shorts and, at any other time, I’d be thinking how lucky I was that he was mine. But I can barely look his way. It feels as if my secret is burnt on my skin.

‘As soon as I’ve finished breakfast.’ I look through the window to the back garden, trying to concentrate on how lovely it looks but my mind keeps tripping over last night, over the memory of me driving away. She had been alive at that point, the woman in the car.

‘Is Rachel going with you?’ Matthew interrupts my thoughts.

‘No.’ Suddenly, it seems like the best idea in the world because maybe I could tell her about last night, share the devastation I feel. ‘Actually, that’s a good idea. I’ll phone and ask her.’

‘Don’t be long,’ he says, ‘it’s almost ready.’

‘I’ll only be a minute.’

I go into the hall, take the house phone – we can only get mobile reception upstairs in our house - and dial Rachel’s number. It takes her a while to answer and when she does her voice is heavy with sleep.

‘I’ve woken you,’ I say, feeling bad, remembering she only got back from her trip to New York yesterday.

‘It feels like the middle of the night,’ she says grumpily. ‘What time is it?’

‘Nine-thirty.’

‘So it is the middle of the night. Did you get my text?’

The question throws me and I pause, a headache building behind my eyes. ‘Yes, but I haven’t bought anything for Susie yet.’

‘Oh.’

‘I’ve been really busy,’ I say quickly, remembering that for some reason Rachel thinks we’re buying something together. ‘I thought I’d wait until today in case we changed our minds about what to get her,’ I add, hoping to prompt her into revealing what we’d decided.

‘Why would we? Everybody agreed yours was the best idea. Plus the party’s tonight, Cass!’

The word ‘everybody’ throws me. ‘Well, you never know,’ I say evasively. ‘I don’t suppose you want to come with me, do you?’

‘I’d love to but I’m so jet-lagged…’

‘Not even if I buy you lunch?’

There’s a pause. ‘At Costello’s?’

‘Done. Let’s meet in the café in Fentons at eleven, then I can buy you a coffee as well.’

I hear her yawning and then a rustle. ‘Can I think about it?’

‘No, you can’t,’ I tell her firmly. ‘Come on, out of bed. I’ll see you there.’

I hang up feeling a little lighter, pushing Susie’s present from my mind. After the news this morning, it feels a small worry in comparison.

I go back to the kitchen and sit down at the table.

‘How does that look?’ Matthew asks, swooping a plate of sausages, bacon and eggs in front of me.

It looks like I could never eat it but I smile enthusiastically. ‘Great! Thanks.’

He sits down next to me and picks up his knife and fork. ‘How’s Rachel?’

‘Fine. She’s going to come with me.’ I look at my plate, wondering how I’m going to do it justice. I take a couple of mouthfuls but my stomach rebels so I push the rest around for a bit, then give up. ‘I’m really sorry,’ I say, putting my knife and fork down. ‘I’m still full after the meal last night.’

He reaches over with his fork and spears a sausage. ‘It’s a shame to let it go to waste,’ he says, grinning.

‘Help yourself.’

His blue eyes hold my gaze, not letting it shift away. ‘Are you OK? You seem a bit quiet.’

I blink quickly a couple of times, sending the tears that are threatening my eyes back to where they came from. ‘I can’t stop thinking about that woman,’ I say. It’s such a relief to be able to talk about it that my words come out in a rush. ‘They said on the radio that the police are treating her death as suspicious.’

He takes a bite of sausage. ‘That means she was murdered, then.’

‘Does it?’ I ask, even though I know that it does.

‘That’s usually what they say until all the forensics have been done. God, how awful. I just don’t understand why she would put herself at risk, taking that road at night. I know she couldn’t have known that she’d be murdered, but still.’

‘Maybe she broke down,’ I say, clenching my hands together under the table.

‘Well, she must have. Why else would anyone stop along such a deserted road? Poor thing, she must have been terrified. There’s no phone signal in the woods so she must have been praying that someone would come along to help her – and look what happened when they did.’

I draw in my breath, a silent gasp of shock. It’s as if a bucket of ice-cold water has been thrown over me, waking me up, making me face up to the enormity of what I did. I had told myself that she had already phoned for help – yet I knew there was no signal in the woods. Why had I done that? Because I’d forgotten? Or because it had allowed me to leave with a clear conscience? Well, my conscience isn’t clear now. I had left her to her fate, I had left her to be murdered.

I push my chair back. ‘I’d better go,’ I tell him, busily picking up our empty mugs, praying he doesn’t ask me if I’m OK again. ‘I don’t want to keep Rachel waiting.’

‘Why, what time are you meeting her?’

‘Eleven. But you know how busy the town is on Saturdays.’

‘Did I hear that you’re having lunch with her?’

‘Yes.’ I give him a quick kiss on the cheek, wanting to be gone. ‘I’ll see you later.’

I fetch my bag and take the car keys from the hall table. Matthew follows me to the door, a piece of toast in his hand.

‘I don’t suppose you could pick up my jacket from the cleaner’s, could you? That way I can wear it tonight.’

‘Sure, have you got the ticket?’

‘Yes, hang on.’ He fetches his wallet and hands me a pink ticket. ‘It’s paid for.’

I slip it into my bag and open the front door. Sunlight streams into the hall.

‘Take care,’ he calls as I get into the car.

‘I will. Love you.’

‘I love you more!’

*

The road into Browbury is already heavy with traffic. I tap the steering wheel nervously. In my haste to get away from the house, I hadn’t thought about how it would feel to be in the car again, sitting in the same seat I’d been in when I saw the woman in the car. In an attempt to distract myself, I try to remember the present I’d suggested for Susie. She works in the same company as Rachel, in the Admin section. When Rachel said that everybody had agreed to my suggestion, I’m guessing she was referring to their group of friends from work. The last time we’d met up with them had been around a month ago and I remember Rachel talking about Susie’s fortieth birthday party, taking advantage of the fact that she hadn’t been able to join us that night. Was it then that I’d come up with an idea for a present?

By some miracle, I find a parking space in the street not far from Fenton’s department store and make my way to the tea room on the fifth floor. It’s crowded but Rachel is already there, easily visible in a bright yellow sundress, her dark head of curls bent over her mobile. Two cups of coffee sit on the table in front of her and I feel a sudden rush of gratitude for the way she always looks out for me. Five years older, she’s the sister I never had. Our mothers had been friends and because her mother worked long hours to support the two of them – having been abandoned by her husband not long after Rachel was born – Rachel had spent a large part of her childhood at our house, to such an extent that my parents affectionately referred to her as their second daughter. When she’d left school at sixteen to begin working so her mother would be able to work less, she’d made a point of coming over for dinner once a week. She was especially close to Dad and had mourned him almost as much as I had when he died, knocked down by a car outside our house. And when Mum had become ill and couldn’t be left alone, she would sit with her once a week so that I could go shopping.

‘Thirsty?’ I try to joke, nodding at the two cups on the table. But my words sound fake. I feel conspicuous, as if everyone somehow knows that I saw the murdered woman last night and did nothing to help her.

She jumps up and gives me a hug. ‘There was such a queue that I decided to go ahead and order,’ she says. ‘I knew you wouldn’t be long.’

‘Sorry, the traffic was bad. Thanks for coming, I really appreciate it.’

Her eyes dance. ‘You know I’ll do anything for lunch at Costello’s.’

I sit down opposite her and take a welcome sip of coffee.

‘Did you have a wild time last night?’

I smile and a tiny bit of pressure lifts. ‘Not wild, but it was good fun.’

‘Was gorgeous John there?’

‘Of course he was. All the teachers were.’

She grins. ‘I should have dropped in.’

‘He’s far too young for you,’ I say, laughing. ‘Anyway, he has a girlfriend.’

‘And to think that you could have had him.’ She sighs, and I shake my head in mock despair, because she’s never quite got over the fact that I chose Matthew over John.

After Mum died, Rachel had been brilliant. Determined to get me out of the house, she began taking me out with her. Most of her friends were people she worked with, or knew from her yoga class, and when I first met them, they would ask me where I worked. After a couple of months of telling them that I’d given up my job as a teacher to look after Mum, someone asked why I wasn’t going back to work now that I could. And suddenly, I wanted to, more than anything. I was no longer content to sit at home day after day, enjoying a freedom I hadn’t experienced in years. I wanted a life, the life of a 33-year-old woman.

I was lucky. A shortage of teachers in our area meant I was sent on a refresher course before being offered a job at a school in Castle Wells, teaching History to Year 9 students. I enjoyed being back in work and when John, the resident heart-throb of both teachers and students, asked me out, it was ridiculously flattering. If he hadn’t been a colleague, I would probably have accepted. But I refused, which made him ask me out even more. He was so persistent that I was glad when I eventually met Matthew.

I take another sip of coffee. ‘How was America?’

‘Exhausting. Too many meetings, too much food.’ She takes a flat package from her bag and pushes it across the table.

‘My tea towel!’ I say, taking it out and unfolding it. This time, there’s a map of New York on the front. Last time, it was the Statue of Liberty. It’s a joke between us – whenever Rachel goes away, on a business trip or on holiday, she always brings back two identical tea towels, one for me and one for her. ‘Thank you, you have the same one, I hope?’

‘Of course.’ Her face suddenly becomes serious. ‘Did you hear about the woman who was found dead in her car last night, on that road that goes through the woods between here and Castle Wells?’

I swallow quickly, fold the tea towel in half, then in quarters and bend to put it in my bag. ‘Yes, Matthew told me, it was on the news,’ I say, my head beneath the table.

She waits until I’m sitting straight again, then gives a shudder. ‘It’s horrible, isn’t it? The police think she broke down.’

‘Do they?’

‘Yeah.’ She pulls a face. ‘How awful – imagine breaking down in the middle of a storm, in the middle of nowhere. I don’t even want to think about it.’

It takes everything I’ve got not to blurt out that I was there, that I saw the woman in the car. But something stops me. This place is too crowded and Rachel is already emotionally invested in the story. I’m afraid she’ll judge me, be horrified that I did nothing to help. ‘Me neither,’ I say.

‘You sometimes use that road, don’t you? You didn’t take it last night, did you?’

‘No, I’d never take that road, not when I’m by myself.’ I feel my skin reddening and I’m sure she’ll know that I’ve just lied.

But she carries on, unaware: ‘Just as well. It could have been you.’

‘Except that I wouldn’t have broken down,’ I say.

She laughs, breaking the tension. ‘You don’t know that! She might not have broken down. It’s only supposition. Maybe somebody flagged her down, pretending they were in trouble. Anybody would stop if they saw someone in trouble, wouldn’t they?’

‘Would they, though? On a lonely road and in a storm?’ I desperately want the answer to be ‘No’.

‘Well, not unless they didn’t have a conscience. Nobody would just drive on. They’d at least do something.’

Her words slam through me and tears prick my eyes. The guilt I feel is almost unbearable. I don’t want Rachel to see how much her words have affected me so I lower my head and fix my eyes on the vase of orange flowers sitting between us on the table. To my embarrassment, the petals begin to blur and I reach down hastily, groping in my bag for a tissue.

‘Cass? Are you all right?’

‘Yes, I’m fine.’

‘You don’t seem it.’

I hear the concern in her voice and blow my nose, giving myself time. The need to tell someone is overwhelming. ‘I don’t know why, but I didn’t…’ I stop.

‘Didn’t what?’ Rachel looks puzzled.

I open my mouth to tell her but then I realise that if I do, not only will she be appalled that I drove on without checking that the woman was all right, she’ll also catch me out in a lie, because I’ve already said that I didn’t go home that way last night.

I shake my head. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘It obviously does. Tell me, Cass.’

‘I can’t.’

‘Why not?’

I scrunch the tissue with my fingers. ‘Because I’m ashamed.’

‘Ashamed?’

‘Yes.’

‘Ashamed of what?’ When I don’t say anything, she gives a sigh of exasperation. ‘Come on, Cass, just tell me! It can’t be that bad!’ Her impatience makes me even more nervous so I look for something to tell her, something she’ll believe.

‘I forgot about Susie,’ I blurt out, hating myself for using what is just a mundane issue compared to the woman’s death. ‘I forgot that I was meant to have bought her something.’

A frown appears on her face. ‘What do you mean, forgot?’

‘I can’t remember, that’s all. I can’t remember what we decided to buy her.’

She looks at me in astonishment. ‘But it was your idea. You said that as Stephen is taking her to Venice for her birthday, we should buy her some lightweight luggage. We were in the bar near my office at the time,’ she adds helpfully.

I let relief show on my face, although the words mean nothing to me. ‘Of course! I remember now – God, I’m so stupid! I thought it must be perfume or something.’

‘Not when there’s so much money. We all put in twenty pounds, remember, so you should have a hundred and sixty altogether. Have you got it with you?’

A hundred and sixty pounds? How could I forget being given that much money? I want to admit everything but instead I carry on the pretence, no longer sure of myself. ‘I thought I’d pay by card.’

She smiles reassuringly at me. ‘Well, now that that little drama’s over, drink your coffee before it gets cold.’

‘It probably already is – shall I get us a fresh cup?’

‘I’ll go, you sit here and relax.’

I watch her as she joins the queue at the counter, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach. Although I managed not to tell her about seeing the woman in the car, I wish I hadn’t had to admit that I’d forgotten about the luggage. Rachel isn’t stupid. She’d witnessed Mum’s deterioration on a weekly basis and I don’t want her to worry, or to start thinking that I’m heading down the same road. The worst thing is, I have no memory of suggesting that we buy luggage, or of where I put the hundred and sixty pounds, unless it’s in the little drawer in my old writing desk. I’m not worried about the money itself; if I can’t find it, it doesn’t really matter. But it’s frightening to think I’ve forgotten everything to do with Susie’s present.

Rachel comes back with the coffees.

‘Do you mind if I ask you something?’ she says, sitting down.

‘Go on.’

‘It’s just that it’s not like you to get so upset over something as mundane as forgetting what present you’re meant to have bought. Is there something else troubling you? Is everything all right with Matthew?’

For the hundredth time, I find myself wishing that Rachel and Matthew liked each other more. They try not to show it but there’s always an undercurrent of mistrust between them. To be fair to Matthew, he doesn’t like Rachel simply because he knows she disapproves of him. With Rachel, it’s more complicated. She has no reason to dislike Matthew so sometimes a little voice in my head wonders if she’s jealous that I now have someone in my life. But then I hate myself for the thought, because I know she’s happy for me.

‘Yes, everything’s fine,’ I reassure her, trying to push last night from my mind. ‘It really was just the present.’ Even those words seem like a betrayal of the woman in the car.

‘Well, you were a little worse for wear that night,’ she says, smiling at the memory. ‘You didn’t have to worry about driving home as Matthew was picking you up, so you had quite a few glasses of wine. Maybe that’s why you forgot.’

‘You’re probably right.’

‘Well, drink up and we’ll go and choose something.’

We finish our coffees and go down to the fourth floor. It doesn’t take us long to choose a couple of powder-blue suitcases, and as we make our way out of the shop, I sense Rachel’s eyes on me.

‘Are you sure you want to go for lunch? If you don’t, it doesn’t matter.’

The thought of lunch, of having to talk about anything and everything to avoid speaking about the woman in the car, suddenly seems too much. ‘Actually, I’ve got a splitting headache – a bit too much celebrating last night, I think. Can I take you to lunch next week instead? I can come into town any day now that I’m not working.’

‘Sure. You’ll be all right to come to Susie’s party tonight, won’t you?’

‘Of course. But could you take the cases, just in case?’

‘No problem. Where are you parked?’

‘At the bottom of the High Street.’

She nods. ‘I’m in the multi-storey, so I’ll say goodbye to you here.’

I point to the two suitcases. ‘Can you manage?’

‘They’re lightweight, remember? And if I can’t, I’m sure I’ll be able to find a nice young man to help me!’

I give her a quick hug and make my way to the car. As I turn on the ignition, the time comes up and I see that it’s a minute past one. A part of me – quite a large part – doesn’t want to listen to the local news, but I find myself turning on the radio anyway.

‘Last night, the body of a woman was found in a car in Blackwater Lane, between Browbury and Castle Wells. Shehad been brutally murdered. If you travelled that road between eleven-twenty last night and one-fifteen this morning, or know anyone who did, please contact us as soon as possible.’

I reach out and turn the radio off, my hand shaking with stress. Brutally murdered. The words hang in the air, and I feel so sick, so hot, that I have to open the window, just to be able to breathe. Why couldn’t they just have said ‘murdered’? Wasn’t ‘murdered’ already bad enough? A car pulls up alongside me and the driver makes signs, wanting to know if I’m leaving. I shake my head and he drives off, then a minute or so later another car comes along, wanting to know the same thing, and then another. But I don’t want to leave, all I want is to stay where I am until the murder is no longer news, until everybody has moved on and forgotten about the woman who was brutally murdered.

I know it’s stupid but I feel as if it’s my fault she’s dead. Tears prick my eyes. I can’t imagine the guilt ever going away and the thought of carrying it around with me for the rest of my life seems too high a price to pay for a moment’s selfishness. But the truth is, if I’d bothered to get out of my car, she might still be alive.

I drive home slowly, prolonging the moment when I have to leave the protective bubble of my car. Once I get home, the murder will be everywhere, on the television, in the newspapers, on everyone’s lips, a constant reminder of my failure to help the woman in the woods.

As I get out of the car, the smell of a bonfire burning in the garden transports me instantly back to my childhood. I close my eyes and, for a few blissful seconds, it’s no longer a hot, sunny day in July, it’s a crisp, cold November evening and Mum and I are eating sausages speared onto forks, while Dad sets off fireworks at the bottom of the garden. I open my eyes to find that the sun has disappeared behind a cloud, mirroring my mood. Normally, I would go and find Matthew but, instead, I head straight for the house, glad to have a little more time to myself.

‘I thought I heard the car,’ he says, coming into the kitchen a few minutes later. ‘I didn’t expect you back so soon. Weren’t you meant to be having lunch out?’

‘We were, but we decided to leave it for today.’

He comes over and drops a kiss on my head. ‘Good. Now you can have lunch with me.’

‘You smell of bonfire,’ I say, breathing it in from his T-shirt.

‘I thought I’d get rid of all those branches I cut down the other week. Luckily, they were under the tarpaulin so the rain didn’t get to them but they would have smoked the house out if we’d used them on the fire.’ He wraps his arms around me. ‘You do know that you’re the one for me, don’t you?’ he says softly echoing what he used to say when we first met.

I’d been working at the school for about six months when a group of us went to a wine bar to celebrate my birthday. Connie noticed Matthew the moment we arrived. He was sitting at a table by himself, clearly waiting for someone, and she’d joked that if his date didn’t turn up she would offer to replace her. When it became obvious that his date wasn’t going to materialise, she went over, already a little drunk, and asked him if he wanted to join us.

‘I was hoping nobody would notice I’d been stood up,’ he said ruefully as Connie sat him down between her and John. It meant that I was opposite him and I couldn’t help noticing the way his hair fell over his forehead, or the blue of his eyes whenever he looked over at me, which he did, quite a lot. I tried not to make too much of it, which was just as well, as by the time we stood up to leave, several bottles of wine later, he had Connie’s number firmly in his phone.

A few days later she came up to me in the staff room, a huge grin on her face, to tell me that Matthew had called her – to ask for my number. So I let her give it to him and when he phoned, he nervously admitted, as he so sweetly put it, ‘As soon as I saw you I knew you were the one for me.’

Once we began seeing each other regularly, he confessed that he couldn’t father children. He told me he’d understand if I didn’t want to see him again but, by then, I was already in love and although it was a major blow, I didn’t feel it was the end of the world. By the time he asked me to marry him, we’d already talked about other ways to have a child and had decided that we would look into it seriously once we’d been married a year. Which is about now. Usually, it’s a constant thought in my mind but now it seems so far away I can’t reach it.

Matthew’s arms are still around me. ‘Did you get what you wanted?’ he asks.

‘Yes, we bought Susie some luggage.’

‘Are you all right? You seem a bit down.’

Suddenly, the need to be on my own is overwhelming. ‘I’ve got a bit of a headache,’ I say, pulling away from him. ‘I think I’ll get an aspirin.’

I go upstairs, get a couple of aspirins from the bathroom and swallow them down with water from the tap. As I lift my head I catch sight of my face in the mirror and search it anxiously, looking for something that could give me away; something which would tell people that everything isn’t as it should be. But there’s nothing to show I’m any different to the person I was when I married Matthew a year ago, just the same chestnut hair and the same blue eyes staring back at me.

I turn my back on my reflection and go into the bedroom. My pile of clothes has been moved from the chair to the now-made bed, a gentle hint from Matthew to tidy them away. On a normal day I would be amused but today I feel irritated. My eyes fall on my great-grandmother’s writing desk and I remember the money Rachel spoke about, the hundred and sixty pounds that everybody gave me for Susie’s gift. If I took the money, it would be in there, it’s where I always put things I want to keep safe. Taking a deep breath, I unlock the little drawer on the left-hand side of the writing desk and pull it out. Lying inside is a scruffy pile of notes. I count them; there’s a hundred and sixty pounds exactly.

In the warm peace of my bedroom the hard facts of what I forgot suddenly loom over me. To forget a name or a face is normal but to forget suggesting a gift and taking money for it isn’t.

‘Did you take some aspirin?’ Matthew says from the doorway, making me jump.

‘I quickly push the drawer shut. ‘Yes, and I feel much better.’

‘Good.’ He smiles. ‘I’m going to have a sandwich. Do you want one? I thought I’d have mine with a beer.’

The thought of food still makes my stomach churn. ‘No, go ahead. I’ll get something later. I’ll just have a cup of tea.’

I follow him downstairs and sit down at the kitchen table. He puts a mug of tea in front of me and I watch him as he takes bread from the cupboard, a slab of cheddar from the fridge and makes himself a quick sandwich, pushing the two together and eating it without a plate.

‘That murder has been on the radio all morning,’ he says, crumbs dropping to the floor. ‘The road’s been closed and the police are all over it, looking for evidence. It’s insane to think it’s all happening five minutes from here!’

I try not to flinch and look absent-mindedly at the tiny white crumbs on our terracotta stone floor. They look as if they’re stranded at sea with no help in sight. ‘Do they know anything about her yet?’ I ask.

‘The police must do because they’ve advised her next of kin but they haven’t released any details. It’s awful to think what someone must be going through right now. Do you know what I can’t get out of my mind? That it could have been you if you’d been stupid enough to take that road last night.’

I stand, my mug in my hand. ‘I think I’ll go and lie down for a bit.’

He looks at me, concerned. ‘Are you sure you’re OK? You don’t look great. Perhaps we shouldn’t go to the party tonight?’

I smile sympathetically because he’s not a party person, he’d much rather have friends over for a casual dinner. ‘We have to, it’s Susie’s fortieth.’

‘Even if you still have a headache?’ I hear the ‘but’ in his voice and sigh.

‘Yes,’ I say firmly. ‘Don’t worry, you won’t have to talk to Rachel.’

‘I don’t mind talking to her, it’s just those disapproving looks she always gives me. She makes me feel as if I’ve done something wrong. Did you remember to get my jacket from the cleaner’s, by the way?’

My heart sinks. ‘No, sorry, I forgot.’

‘Oh. Well, never mind, I guess I can wear something else.’

‘Sorry,’ I say again, thinking of the present and all the other things I’ve forgotten lately. A few weeks ago, he had to come and rescue me and my trolley-load of food at the supermarket when I left my purse on the kitchen table. Since then, he’s found milk where the detergent should be and detergent in the fridge, and has had to deal with an angry call from my dentist over an appointment I forgot I’d made. So far he’s laughed it off, telling me I’m in overload because of the end of the school year. But like with Susie’s present, there have been other times when my memory has failed me, times he doesn’t know about. I’ve driven to school without my books, forgotten both a hair appointment and a lunch with Rachel, and last month I drove twenty-five miles to Castle Wells, unaware I’d left my bag at home. The thing is, although he knows that Mum died when she was fifty-five and that towards the end she was forgetful, I’ve never actually come out and told him that for the three years before she died, I had to wash, dress and feed her. Neither does he know that she was diagnosed with dementia when she was 44, just ten years older than I am now. Back then, I couldn’t believe he would still marry me if he thought there was a possibility that a dozen or so years down the line, I’d be diagnosed with the same thing.

I know now he would do anything for me but too much time has passed. How can I admit that I held things back from him? He’d been so open about not being able to have children and I’d repaid his honesty with dishonesty; I’d allowed my own selfish fears to get in the way of the truth. How I’m paying for that now, I think as I lie down on the bed.

I try to relax but images of last night flash through my mind, one after the other, like stills in a film. I see the car ahead of me on the road, I see myself swerving out around it, I see myself turning my head to look at the driver. And then I see the blur of a woman’s face, looking back at me through the window.

*

In the middle of the afternoon, Matthew comes to find me. ‘I think I’ll go to the gym for a couple of hours. Unless you want to go for a walk or something?’

‘No, it’s fine,’ I say, grateful to have some time on my own. ‘I need to sort through the stuff I brought back from school. If I don’t do it now, I never will.’

He nods. ‘Then we can both have a well-deserved glass of wine when I get back.’

‘Deal,’ I say, accepting his kiss. ‘Have fun.’

I hear the front door slam but, instead of going into the study to sort out my work things, I stay at the kitchen table and let my mind clamber over the thoughts in my head. The house phone rings – it’s Rachel.

‘You’ll never guess what?’ she says breathlessly. ‘You know that young woman who was murdered? Well, it turns out she worked in my company.’

‘Oh, God,’ I mutter.

‘I know, it’s awful, isn’t it? Susie’s in bits. She feels terrible and is cancelling the party – she just can’t bring herself to celebrate when the murder was of someone we knew.’

I feel a slight relief at not having to go out, but also slightly sick that the murdered woman is becoming ever more real.

‘Although I didn’t really know her because she worked in a different division to me…’ Rachel continues, before hesitating a moment. ‘Actually, I feel really bad because when I went into the office from the airport yesterday, I had an argument with someone over a parking space and I think it was her. I was quite verbal – it was the jet-lag talking – and now I wish I’d let it go.’

‘You weren’t to know,’ I say automatically.

‘Susie said the people who worked with her are devastated. Some of them know her husband and, apparently, he’s absolutely distraught – well, he would be, of course. And now he’s been left to bring up two-year-old twins by himself.’

‘Twins?’ The word echoes through my head.

‘Yes, twin girls. It’s such a tragedy.’

I go ice cold. ‘What was her name?’

‘Jane Walters, Susie said.’

The name hits me with the force of a sledgehammer. ‘What? Did you say Jane Walters?’

‘Yes.’

My mind spins. ‘No, it can’t be. It’s not possible.’

‘That’s what Susie said,’ Rachel insists.

‘But… but I had lunch with her.’ I’m so stunned I can hardly speak. ‘I had lunch with her and she was fine. It must be a mistake.’

‘You had lunch with her?’ Rachel sounds puzzled. ‘When? I mean, how did you know her?’

‘I met her at that leaving party you took me to, for that man who worked in your company – Colin. You know, the one you said it was all right for me to tag along to because there’d be so many people nobody would notice that I didn’t work for Finchlakers. I got talking to her at the bar and we swapped phone numbers, and then a few days later, she called me. I told you when you phoned from New York: I said I was going to lunch with her the next day – at least I thought I did.’

‘No, I don’t think so,’ Rachel says gently, understanding how distressed I am. ‘And even if you did, even if you’d told me her name, I wouldn’t have known who she was. I’m so sorry, Cass, you must feel dreadful.’

‘I was meant to be going round to hers next week,’ I say, realising. ‘To meet her little daughters.’ Tears spring to my eyes.

‘It’s horrible, isn’t it? And awful to think of her killer being out there somewhere. I don’t want to worry you, Cass, but your house must only be a couple of miles from where she was killed and, well, it is a bit isolated, stuck down the end of the road by itself.’

‘Oh,’ I manage, feeling sick. Because in all the turmoil and worry, I hadn’t thought about the killer still being out there. And that we can only get a mobile signal if we’re upstairs, by a window.

‘You don’t have an alarm, do you?’

‘No.’

‘Then promise you’ll lock the door when you’re home by yourself ?’

‘Yes – yes, of course I will,’ I tell her, desperate to get away, to stop talking about the woman who was murdered.

‘Sorry, Rachel, I have to go,’ I add hurriedly. ‘Matthew’s calling me.’

I slam the phone down and burst into tears. I don’t want to believe what Rachel just told me, I don’t want to believe that the young woman who was murdered in her car was Jane, my new friend, who would, I felt, have become a great friend. We had met by chance, at the party I had gone to by chance, as if we’d been destined to meet. Still sobbing, as clear as if it’s happening before my eyes, I see her edging towards the bar at Bedales.

*

‘Excuse me, are you waiting to be served?’ she asked, smiling at me.

‘No, don’t worry, I’m waiting for my husband to pick me up.’ I moved aside a little to make room for her. ‘You can squeeze in here, if you like.’

‘Thanks. It’s a good job I’m not desperate for a drink,’ she joked, referring to the number of people waiting to be served.‘I didn’t realise Colin had invited so many people.’ She looked quizzically at me and I noticed how blue her eyes were. ‘I haven’t seen you around before. Are you new to Finchlakers?’

‘I don’t actually work for Finchlakers,’ I admitted guiltily. ‘I came with a friend. I know it’s a private function but she said there’d be so many people, nobody would notice if there was an extra person. My husband’s watching the match with friends tonight and she felt sorry for me being on my own.’

‘She sounds like a good friend.’

‘Yes, Rachel’s great.’

‘Rachel Baretto?’

‘Do you know her?’

‘No, not really.’ She smiled brightly at me. ‘My husband’s watching the match tonight too. And babysitting our two-year-old twins.’

‘How lovely to have twins! What are their names?’

‘Charlotte and Louise, better known as Lottie and Loulou.’ She took her mobile from her pocket and thumbed through photos. ‘Alex – my husband – keeps telling me not to do this, at least not to total strangers, but I can’t help it.’ She held the phone for me to see. ‘Here they are.’

‘They’re beautiful,’ I told her truthfully. ‘They look like two little angels in those white dresses. Which is which?’

‘This one is Lottie and that’s Loulou.’

‘Are they identical? They seem it to me.’

‘Not exactly but it’s quite difficult for most people to tell them apart.’

‘I bet.’ I saw the barman waiting to take her order. ‘Oh, I think it’s your turn.’

‘Oh, good. A glass of South African red, please.’ She turned to me. ‘Can I get you something?’

‘Matthew will be here soon but…’ I hesitated a moment ‘… I’m not driving, so why not? Thank you. I’ll have a glass of dry white.’

‘My name’s Jane, by the way.’

‘I’m Cass. But please don’t feel you have to stay here now that you’ve been served. Your friends are probably waiting for you.’

‘I don’t think they’ll miss me for a few more minutes.’ She raised her glass. ‘Here’s to chance meetings. It’s such a treat to be able to drink tonight. I haven’t been out much since the twins were born and when I do, I don’t drink because I have to drive home. But a friend is dropping me home tonight.’

‘Where do you live?’

‘Heston, on the other side of Browbury. Do you know it?’

‘I’ve been to the pub there a couple of times. There’s that lovely little park just across the road from it.’

‘With a wonderful play area for children,’ she agreed, smiling, ‘where I seem to spend quite a lot of my time now. Do you live in Castle Wells?’

‘No, I live in a little hamlet this side of Browbury. Nook’s Corner.’

‘I drive through it sometimes on my way back from Castle Wells, if I take that short cut that goes through the woods. You’re lucky to live there, it’s beautiful.’

‘It is, but our house is a bit more isolated than I’d like. It’s great to be only a few minutes from the motorway though. I teach at the high school in Castle Wells.’

She smiled. ‘You must know John Logan then.’

‘John?’ I laughed in surprise. ‘Yes, I do. Is he a friend of yours?’

‘I used to play tennis with him until a few months ago. Is he still telling jokes?’

‘Never stops.’ My phone, which I’d been holding in my hand, buzzed suddenly, telling me I had a text message. ‘Matthew,’ I told Jane, reading it. ‘The car park’s full so he’s double-parked in the road.’

‘You’d better go then,’ she said.

I quickly finished my wine, then said, truthfully, ‘Well, it was lovely talking to you, and thank you for the wine.’

‘You’re welcome.’ She paused, then went on, her words coming out in a rush. ‘I don’t suppose you’d like to have a coffee, or lunch even, some time, would you?’

‘I’d love to!’ I said, genuinely touched. ‘Shall we swap numbers?’

So we took each other’s mobile number and I gave her my home one, too, explaining about the terrible network reception, and she promised to give me a call.

And less than a week later, she did, suggesting lunch the following Saturday, as her husband would be home to look after the twins. I remember being surprised, but pleased, that she’d phoned so soon, and had wondered if she perhaps needed someone to talk to.

We met in a restaurant in Browbury and, as we chatted easily together, it felt as if she was already an old friend. She told me how she had met Alex and I told her about Matthew, and how we were hoping to start a family soon. When I sawhim standing outside the restaurant, because he’d arranged to meet me there, I couldn’t believe it was already three o’clock.

‘There’s Matthew,’ I said, nodding towards the window. ‘He must have got here early.’ I looked at my watch and laughed in surprise. ‘No, he’s bang on time. Have we really been here two hours?’

‘We must have been.’ She sounded distracted and when I raised my head I saw that she was staring at Matthew through the window and I couldn’t help feeling a little burst of pride. He’d been told on more than one occasion that he looked like a young Robert Redford and people, especially women, often gave him a second look when they passed him in the street.

‘Shall I go and get him?’ I asked, standing up. ‘I’d like him to meet you.’

‘No, don’t worry, he looks busy.’ I glanced at Matthew; he had his phone out and was tapping away at it, engrossed in writing a text. ‘Some other time. I need to phone Alex, anyway.’

So, I left and, as I walked off hand in hand with Matthew, I turned and waved at Jane through the restaurant window.

*

The memory fades but my tears increase and somewhere inside me I’m aware that I hadn’t shed as many tears when Mum died, because I’d been expecting it. But this news about Jane has shocked me to the core, shocked me so much that it’s a while before everything comes together in my brain and I’m hit by the terrible realisation that it was Jane I saw in the car last night, Jane who had looked back at me through the window as I’d driven past, Jane who I’d left there to be murdered. The horror I feel is matched only by the guilt that presses down on me, suffocating me. I try to calm down, telling myself that if it hadn’t been raining so hard, if I’d been able to make out her features, if I’d known it was her, I would have got out of my car and run back to her through the rain without a second’s hesitation. But what if she had recognised me and was waiting for me to go and help her? The thought is horrendous, but if she had, surely she would have flashed her lights, or got out of her car and come to me? Then another thought hits me, more horrendous than the last: what if the killer had already been there, and she had let me drive away because she wanted to protect me?

*

‘What’s the matter, Cass?’ Matthew asks when he arrives back from the gym and finds me white-faced.

The tears that I can’t manage to still, spill from my eyes. ‘You know that young woman who was murdered? It was Jane.’

‘Jane?’

‘Yes, the girl I met a couple of weeks ago for lunch in Browbury, the one that I met at the party Rachel took me to.’

‘What?’ Matthew looks shocked. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes, Rachel phoned to tell me it was someone who worked for her company. I asked what her name was and she said Jane Walters. Susie’s cancelling her party because she knew her too.’

‘I’m so sorry, Cass,’ he says, putting his arms around me and holding me tight. ‘I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.’

‘I just can’t believe it’s her. It doesn’t seem possible. Maybe there’s been a mistake, maybe it’s another Jane Walters.’

I sense him hesitate. ‘They’ve released a picture of her,’ he says. ‘I saw it on my phone. I don’t know if…’ His voice trails off.

I shake my head because I don’t want to look, I don’t want to have to face the truth if it is Jane in the photo. But at least I would know.

‘Show me,’ I say, my voice trembling.

Matthew moves his arms from around me and we go upstairs so he can get on the Internet on his phone. While he searches for the latest news update, I close my eyes and pray: Please, God, please, God, don’t let it be Jane.

‘Here.’ Matthew’s voice is low. My heart thumps with dread but I open my eyes and find myself looking at a photo of the murdered woman. Her blonde hair is shorter than when we met for lunch and her eyes seem less blue. But it is definitely Jane.

‘It’s her,’ I whisper. ‘It’s her. Who would do such a thing? Who would do such a terrible thing?’

‘A madman,’ Matthew says grimly.

I turn and bury my face in his chest, trying not to cry again because he’ll wonder why I’m so upset when in his eyes I barely knew Jane.

‘He’s still out there somewhere,’ I say, suddenly scared. ‘We need an alarm.’

‘Why don’t you phone a couple of firms tomorrow and get them to come round and give us a quote? But don’t commit to anything before we’ve gone through everything with a fine-tooth comb. You know what these people are like – they’ll get you to sign up for things you don’t even need.’

‘All right,’ I say. But for the rest of the afternoon and evening, I’m desolate. All I can think of is Jane, sitting in her car, waiting for me to rescue her. ‘I’m sorry, Jane,’ I whisper. ‘I’m so sorry.’


FRIDAY, JULY 24TH (#ulink_56ed9f72-ccd0-52b5-a240-abeca87ed5bf)

Jane haunts me. It’s a week since her murder and I can’t imagine there ever being a day when she isn’t foremost in my mind. The guilt I feel hasn’t lessened with time. If anything, it has increased. It doesn’t help that her murder is still very much in the news, with non-stop speculation by the media as to why she chose to stop on such an isolated road in the middle of a storm. Tests show that nothing was wrong with her car but because it was a fairly old model with wipers that barely functioned, the theory put forward is that she was having trouble seeing through her windscreen and was waiting for the storm to pass before continuing her journey.

Gradually, a picture begins to emerge. Just before eleven she left a voicemail message on her husband’s mobile, saying she was leaving one of the bars in Castle Wells, where she’d been at a friend’s hen night, and would be home soon. According to the staff at the restaurant, Jane had left the restaurant with her friends but had returned five minutes later to use the phone there because she’d realised she’d left her mobile at home. Her husband had fallen asleep on the sofa and hadn’t heard the call come in, so he had no idea that she hadn’t turned up until the police knocked on his door and told him the terrible news. Three people have come forward to say that although they drove down Blackwater Lane on Friday night, none of them saw her car, parked or otherwise. This allows the police to narrow the time of the murder down to somewhere between eleven-twenty – as it would have taken her around fifteen minutes to reach the lay-by from Castle Wells – and five to one, when the passing motorist found her.

There’s a voice in my head urging me to contact the police, to tell them she was still alive when I passed her car at around eleven-thirty, but the other voice, the one telling me that they’ll be disgusted that I didn’t do anything to help her, is louder. And surely, narrowing the time down by such a small margin won’t make any real difference to the murder inquiry. At least, that’s what I tell myself.

In the afternoon, a man from Superior Security Systems arrives to give a quote for an alarm system. He immediately gets my back up by arriving twenty minutes early and asking if my husband is in.

‘No, he’s not,’ I tell him, trying not to get distracted by the flakes of dandruff on the shoulders of his dark suit. ‘But if you run through the sort of system you think this house needs to make it secure, I’m sure I’ll be able to understand. As long as you speak slowly.’

The sarcasm is lost on him. Without waiting to be invited in he comes into the hall. ‘Are you often in the house on your own?’ he asks.

‘No, not really.’ His question makes me uneasy. ‘My husband will be home soon, actually,’ I add.

‘Well, looking at your house from the outside, I’d say it’s a prime target for burglars, being stuck as it is at the end of the road. You need sensor alarms on your windows, on your doors, in the garage, in the garden.’ He looks around the hall. ‘On the stairs too – you don’t want anyone creeping up on you in the middle of the night, do you? I’ll just take a look over the house, shall I?’

Turning on his heels, he heads for the stairs, taking them two at a time. I follow him up and see him making a quick check of the window at the end of the landing. He disappears into our bedroom and I hover outside the door, uneasy about him being in there on his own. It suddenly occurs to me that I never asked him for proof of identity and I’m appalled that, in the light of Jane’s murder, I wasn’t more careful about letting him in. When I think about it, he hadn’t said he was from the alarm company, I had just assumed he was, even though he was early. He could be anybody.

The thought lodges itself so firmly in my brain that the unease I’m already feeling at him being in the house grows into something akin to panic. My heart misses a beat and then speeds up furiously, playing catch-up, leaving me shaky. Keeping one eye fixed firmly on the bedroom door, I creep into the spare room and call Matthew from my mobile, glad that I can at least get a signal from here. He doesn’t pick up but, a moment later, I get a text from him:

Sorry, in meeting. Everything OK?

I text back, my fingers clumsy on the keys:

Don’t like look of alarm man

Then get rid of him.

I leave the bedroom and collide with the alarm man. Jumping back with a cry of alarm, I open my mouth, about to tell him that I’ve changed my mind about having an alarm, but he gets there first.

‘I just need to check this room and the bathroom and then I’ll take a look downstairs,’ he says, squashing past me.

Instead of waiting for him, I hurry down to the hall and stand near the front door, telling myself that I’m being stupid, that I’m panicking for nothing. But when he comes down, I stay where I am, leaving him to walk around the rest of the house by himself. It’s a long ten minutes before he appears in the hall again.

‘Right, shall we go and sit down?’ he asks.

‘I don’t think that’s necessary,’ I say. ‘I’m not sure we need an alarm after all.’

‘I don’t like to bring it up but after the murder of that young woman not far from here, I’d say you’re making a mistake. Don’t forget that the murderer is still out there somewhere.’

This virtual stranger mentioning Jane’s death unbalances me and I desperately want him out of the house. ‘Have you got contact details? From your firm?’

‘Sure.’ He reaches inside his jacket and I take a step back, half expecting him to draw out a knife. But all he brandishes is a card. I take it from him and study it for a moment. It says his name is Edward Garvey. Does he look like an Edward? My suspicion is addictive.

‘Thank you,’ I say. ‘But it might be an idea if you come back when my husband is here.’

‘I could, I suppose. Not sure when it’ll be though. I know I shouldn’t say it but murder is good for business, if you know what I mean? So, if you just give me ten more minutes of your time, I’ll run through everything quickly and you can tell your husband all about it when he gets home.’

He walks towards the kitchen and stands in the doorway, his hand outstretched, inviting me in. I want to remind him that it’s my house but I find myself walking into the kitchen anyway. Is this how it works…? is this how people let themselves be led into potentially dangerous situations, like lambs to the slaughter? My anxiety increases when, instead of sitting down opposite me at the table, he sits down next to me, cornering me in. He opens the brochure but I’m so on edge that I can’t concentrate on anything he’s saying. I nod my head at appropriate moments and try to look interested in the figures he’s totting up but sweat is trickling down my back and the only thing that stops me leaping to my feet and ordering him out of the house is my middle-class upbringing. Was it manners that prevented Jane from closing her window hurriedly and driving off when she realised she didn’t want to give her killer a lift after all?

‘Right, that’s that then,’ he concludes, and I stare at him, bemused, as he stuffs the papers into his briefcase and pushes a brochure towards me. ‘You show that to your husband tonight. He’ll be impressed, take my word for it.’

I only relax once I’ve closed the door behind him but the realisation that, once again, I did something stupid by not asking for proof of identity before letting him in, especially when a woman has just been murdered nearby, makes me question my lack of judgement. Feeling suddenly cold, I run upstairs to fetch a jumper and, as I go into the bedroom, I see that the window is open. I stare at it for a moment, wondering what it means, wondering if it means anything at all. You’re being neurotic, I tell myself sternly, taking a cardigan from the back of a chair and shrugging it on. Even if the man from Superior Security Systems did open it – which he probably did, to see where the sensors could be fitted – it doesn’t mean that he left it open so that he could come back and murder you.

I close the window and as I’m on my way back downstairs, the phone starts ringing. I expect it to be Matthew but it’s Rachel.

‘I don’t suppose you want to meet for a drink, do you?’ she asks.

‘Yes!’ I say, glad of an excuse to get out of the house. ‘Are you OK?’ I add, detecting that she isn’t her usually bubbly self.

‘Yes, I just feel like a glass of wine. Is six all right for you? I can come to Browbury.’

‘Great. In the Sour Grapes?’

‘Perfect. See you there.’

Back in the kitchen, the Superior Security Systems brochure is still lying on the table, so I put it on the side for Matthew to look at once we’ve had dinner. It’s already five-thirty – the whole thing with the alarm man must have lasted longer than I realised – so I grab my car keys and head off immediately.

The town is busy and as I hurry towards the wine bar, I hear someone call my name and look up to see my lovely friend Hannah making her way through the crowd. She’s the wife of Matthew’s tennis partner, Andy, and a relatively new friend but such fun I wish I’d met her earlier. ‘I haven’t seen you for ages,’ she says.

‘I know, it’s been too long. I’m actually on my way to meet Rachel, otherwise I’d suggest going for a drink, but you must come over for a barbecue this summer.’

‘That would be lovely.’ Hannah smiles. ‘Andy was saying the other day that he hasn’t seen Matthew at the club recently.’ She pauses. ‘Isn’t it awful about that young woman who was murdered last week?’

The dark cloud that is Jane descends on me. ‘Yes, dreadful,’ I say.

She gives a little shiver. ‘The police still haven’t found the person responsible. Do you think it was someone she knew? They say most murders are committed by someone known to the murderer.’

‘Do they?’ I say. I know I should tell Hannah that I knew Jane, that I’d had lunch with her a couple of weeks before, but I can’t because I don’t want her to start asking me about her, about what she was like. And the fact that I can’t seems like another betrayal.

‘It could be just an opportunist murder,’ she goes on. ‘But Andy thinks it was someone local, someone who knows the geography of the area. He reckons they’re holed up somewhere nearby. He thinks it won’t be the last murder around here. It’s worrying, isn’t it?’

The thought of the murderer hiding nearby makes me go cold. Her words vibrate in my head and I feel so sick that I can’t concentrate on what she’s saying. I let her talk for a few more minutes, not really listening, murmuring responses at what I hope are appropriate places.

‘I’m sorry, Hannah,’ I say, looking at my watch, ‘but I’ve just seen the time! I really have to go.’

‘Oh, of course. Tell Matthew that Andy is looking forward to seeing him.’

‘I will,’ I promise.

*

The Sour Grapes is packed and Rachel is already there, a bottle of wine in front of her.

‘You’re early,’ I say, giving her a hug.

‘No, you’re late, but it doesn’t matter.’ She pours wine into a glass and hands it to me.

‘Sorry. I bumped into my friend Hannah and we ended up chatting. I better not drink the whole glass, I’m driving.’ I nod towards the bottle. ‘You’re obviously not.’

‘A couple of colleagues are meeting me for a bite to eat later so we’ll finish it between us.’

I take a sip of wine, savouring its crispness. ‘So, how are you?’

‘Not great, actually. The police have been in the office for the last few days, questioning everybody about Jane. It was my turn today.’

‘No wonder you feel like a drink,’ I say sympathetically. ‘What did they want to know?’

‘Just if I knew her. So I said that I didn’t, because it’s true.’ She fiddles with the stem of her glass. ‘The thing is, I didn’t tell them about the run-in I had with her over the parking space and now I’m wondering if I should have.’

‘Why didn’t you tell them?’

‘I don’t know. Actually, I do. I suppose I thought it might make me look as if I had a motive.’

‘A motive?’ She shrugs. ‘What, to murder her? Rachel, people don’t commit murder over a parking space!’

‘I’m sure people have been murdered for less,’ she says dryly. ‘But what I’m worried about now is if somebody else – one of her friends in the office, because she’s bound to have mentioned it – tells the police about the row.’

‘I doubt they will,’ I say. ‘But if you’re that worried, why don’t you call the police and tell them yourself ?’

‘Because they might start wondering why I didn’t tell them in the first place. It makes me look guilty.’

I shake my head. ‘You’re reading too much into it.’ I try to smile at her. ‘I think that’s the effect this murder is having on everybody. I had a man over this afternoon to give me a quote for an alarm and I felt really vulnerable being in the house on my own with him.’

‘I can imagine. I wish they’d hurry up and find whoever did it. It must be awful for Jane’s husband to know that his wife’s murderer is out there somewhere. Apparently, he’s taken leave of absence to look after the children.’ She picks up the wine bottle and tops up her glass. ‘What about you? How are you doing?’

‘Oh, you know.’ I shrug, not wanting to think about Jane’s motherless children. ‘It’s a bit difficult with Jane always on my mind.’ I give a nervous laugh. ‘I almost wish I hadn’t had that lunch with her.’

‘That’s understandable,’ she says sympathetically. ‘Did you book in to get an alarm fittted?’

My shoulders tighten ‘I want to but I’m not sure Matthew’s very keen on having one, though. He’s always said it’s like being a prisoner in your own home.’

‘Better than being murdered in your own home,’ she says darkly.

‘Don’t.’

‘Well, it’s true.’

‘Let’s change the subject,’ I suggest. ‘Have you got any business trips coming up?’

‘No, not until after my holiday. Only two more weeks, then I’ll be in Siena. I can’t wait!’

‘I can’t believe you’ve chosen Siena over the Ile de Ré,’ I tease, because she’s always said she’d never go on holiday to anywhere other than Ile de Ré.

‘I’m only going to Siena because my friend Angela has invited me to her villa, remember. Even if it is because she wants to set me up with her brother-in-law, Alfie,’ she adds, rolling her eyes. She takes another sip of wine. ‘Speaking of the Ile de Ré, I’m thinking of going there for my fortieth, women only. You’ll come, won’t you?’

‘I’d love to!’ Thinking of getting away makes me feel so much better, and it’ll be the perfect place to give her the present I’ve bought her. For a moment I forget about Jane and soon Rachel is telling me about the places she plans to visit in Siena. For the next hour, we manage to keep the conversation away from anything to do with murder and alarms but, by the time I get home, I feel mentally exhausted.

‘Did you have a good time with Rachel?’ Matthew asks, reaching up and giving me a kiss from his seat at the kitchen table.

‘Yes,’ I say, slipping off my shoes. The tiles are beautifully cool beneath my feet. ‘And I bumped into Hannah on my way to meet her, so that was nice.’

‘We haven’t seen her and Andy for ages,’ he muses. ‘How are they?’

‘Fine. I said they must come round for a barbecue.’

‘Good idea. How did it go with the alarm man? Did you manage to get rid of him?’

I take two mugs from the cupboard and switch the kettle on. ‘Eventually, yes. He left his brochure for you to look at. How about you? Did you have a good day?’

He pushes his chair back and stands, stretching his back, easing the muscles in his shoulders. ‘Busy. I could do without going away next week.’ He comes over and nuzzles my neck. ‘I’m going to miss you.’

Shocked, I twist away from him. ‘Wait a minute! What do you mean, you’re going away?’

‘Well, you know, to the rig.’

‘No, I don’t know. You never said anything about going to the rig.’

He looks at me in surprise. ‘Of course I did.’

‘When?’

‘I don’t know, it must have been a couple of weeks ago, as soon as I found out.’

I shake my head stubbornly. ‘You didn’t. If you’d told me, I would have remembered.’

‘Look, you even said you’d use the time I was away to work on your lesson plans for September, so that we’d both be able to relax when I got back.’

Doubt fingers its way into my mind. ‘I couldn’t have.’

‘Well, you did.’

‘I didn’t, all right,’ I say, my voice tight. ‘Don’t keep insisting that you told me you were going away when you didn’t.’

I feel his eyes on me and busy myself making the tea so that he can’t see how upset I am. And not just because he’s going away.


SATURDAY, JULY 25TH (#ulink_a45117bf-266c-51ed-990d-24414493b5b2)

My body clock still hasn’t adjusted to being on holiday so, despite it being the weekend, I’m in the garden early, pulling up weeds and tidying beds, only stopping when Matthew arrives back from the shops with fresh bread and cheese for lunch. We picnic on the lawn and, once we’ve finished, I mow the grass, sweep the terrace, wipe down the table and chairs and dead-head the plants in the hanging baskets. I’m not usually so obsessive about the garden but I feel a pressing need to have everything looking perfect.

Towards the end of the afternoon, Matthew comes to find me.

‘Would you mind if I go to the gym for an hour or so? If I go now, instead of in the morning, I’ll be able to have a lie-in.’

I smile. ‘And breakfast in bed.’

‘Exactly,’ he says, kissing me. ‘I’ll be back by seven.’

After he’s gone, I begin to make a curry, leaving the door to the garden open for air. I slice onions and dice chicken, singing along to the radio as I cook. In the fridge, I discover the bottle of wine we started a couple of evenings ago and pounce on it. I pour what’s left into a glass and carry on with the curry, sipping the wine as I go along. By the time I’ve finished in the kitchen, it’s almost six o’clock, so I decide to have a long, bubble-filled bath. I feel so relaxed that it’s hard to remember the relentless anxiety that had burdened me last week. This is the first day that I’ve managed to push all thought of Jane to the back of my mind. It’s not that I don’t want to think about her, it’s just that I can’t stand the constant guilt. No matter how much I want to I can’t turn the clock back, I can’t not live my life because I didn’t realise it was Jane in the car that night.

A news bulletin comes on but I turn the radio off quickly. Without the noise from the radio, the house is eerily quiet – and maybe because I’ve just been thinking about Jane, I’m suddenly conscious of being home alone. Going into the sitting room, I close the windows which have been left open all day, then the one in the study, and lock the front and back doors. I stand for a moment, listening to the house. But the only sound I hear is the soft ca coo of a wood pigeon outside.

Upstairs, I run the bath but before getting in I find myself hesitating over whether or not to bolt the bathroom door. I hate that the visit from the alarm man has played with my head so in defiance to myself I leave it ajar, as I normally do, but undress facing the gap. I climb in and sink down under the water. The bubbles rise up around my neck and I lie back against their foamy cushion, my eyes closed, enjoying the stillness of the afternoon. We’re rarely disturbed by neighbour noise – last summer the teenagers who live in the house nearest to us came to apologise in advance for a party they were throwing that night and we didn’t hear a thing. It’s why Matthew and I chose this house over the much larger, more impressive – and consequently more expensive – property that we also looked at, although I think price was also a consideration for Matthew. We’d agreed to buy it jointly and he was adamant that I wouldn’t put in more than him, even though I could well afford to, despite having bought a house on the Ile de Ré six months previously. A house nobody knows about, not even Matthew. And certainly not Rachel. Not yet.

Under the bubbles, I let my arms bob to the surface and think about Rachel’s birthday – the day I’ll finally be able to give her the keys to the house of her dreams. It’s been a hard secret to keep. It’s perfect that she wants to go to the Ile de Ré for her birthday. She took me there a couple of months after Mum died and we stumbled upon the little fisherman’s cottage on our second-to-last day there, an À Vendre sign hanging from an upstairs window.

‘It’s beautiful!’ Rachel had breathed. ‘I need to see inside.’ And without waiting to consult the estate agent, she marched up the little path and knocked on the door.

As the owner showed us round, I could tell that Rachel had fallen in love with it even though she couldn’t afford it. To her it was just a pipe dream, but I knew I could make it happen so I arranged it all in secret. I close my eyes, imagining her face when she realises that the cottage is hers. I knew it was exactly what Mum and Dad would have wanted me to do. If Dad had lived to make a will, he would definitely have bequeathed something to Rachel. And if Mum had been of sound-enough mind, she would have done the same.

A sound, like a crack, interrupts my thoughts. My eyes snap open and my whole body tenses. Instinctively, I know that something is wrong. I lie as still as I can, straining my ears, listening through the open door for the sound that told me I wasn’t alone in the house. Hannah’s words about Jane’s murderer being holed up nearby come back to me. I hold my breath, and my lungs, deprived of air, tighten painfully. I wait; but there’s nothing.

Keeping my movements steady so as not to disturb the water any more than necessary, I raise my arm carefully; it breaks through the suds and I stretch my hand towards my mobile, perched precariously on the edge of the bath near the taps. But it remains out of reach and, as I slide further down the bath towards it, the water lapping against the side of the bath sounds as loud as waves crashing onto the shore. Terrified that I’ve drawn attention to myself and horribly conscious that I’m naked, I leap suddenly from the bath, taking half the water with me, and lunge for the door, slamming it shut. The sound reverberates around the house and, as I shoot the bolt, my fingers shaking, I hear another creak, I can’t work out where from, and my fear increases.

With my eyes fixed on the door, I take a couple of steps backwards and grope along the edge of the bath for my mobile. It slips from my grasp and clatters to the floor. I freeze, my arm outstretched. But still there is nothing. Bending my knees slowly, I retrieve my mobile. The time appears on the screen, six-fifty, and the breath that I forgot I was holding comes whooshing out in relief, because Matthew will soon be home.

I dial his number, praying that I’ll be able to get a signal, because with the bathroom at the back of the house, it’s never a sure thing. When his mobile starts ringing, I’m dizzy with gratitude.

‘On my way,’ he says cheerfully, thinking I want to know how long he’s going to be. ‘Do you want me to stop off for anything?’

‘I think there’s someone in the house,’ I whisper shakily.

‘What?’ His voice is sharp with worry. ‘Where are you?’

‘In the bathroom. I’ve locked the door.’

‘Good. Stay there. I’ll phone the police.’

‘Wait!’ I find myself hesitating. ‘I’m not sure. I mean, what if there’s no one there? I only heard something twice.’

‘What did you hear? Someone breaking in, voices?’

‘No, nothing like that… a crack and then some sort of creaking noise.’

‘Look, stay where you are. I’ll be with you in two minutes.’

‘All right,’ I say, ‘but hurry!’

Feeling less anxious now that Matthew is coming, I sit down on the edge of the bath. The feel of it against my bare skin reminds me that I’m still naked, so I drag my dressing gown from the back of the door and shrug it on. I can’t help wondering if I should have let Matthew phone the police after all. If there is someone in the house, he could be in danger when he arrives.

My mobile rings. ‘I’m here,’ Matthew says. ‘You OK?’

‘Yes, I’m fine.’

‘I’ve parked in the road,’ he goes on. ‘I’m going to take a look around.’

‘Be careful,’ I say. ‘Stay on the phone.’

‘All right.’

I listen nervously as I hear his footsteps crunch on the gravel and then round the side of the house.

‘Can you see anything?’ I ask.

‘Everything seems fine. I’ll just check the garden.’ A minute or so passes. ‘All good, I’m coming in.’

‘Be careful!’ I warn again, before the signal goes.

‘Don’t worry, I grabbed a spade from the shed.’

The call cuts off and from the bathroom, I hear him checking out the rooms downstairs. When I hear him on the stairs, I start unlocking the door.

‘Let me check the bedrooms first!’ he calls. It isn’t long before he’s back. ‘You can come out now.’

I open the door and when I see him standing there with the spade in his hand, I feel suddenly foolish.

‘Sorry,’ I say awkwardly. ‘I really did think someone was there.’

He puts the spade down and wraps his arms around me. ‘Hey, better to be safe than sorry.’

‘I don’t suppose you want to make me one of your gin and tonics, do you? I could do with a stiff drink. I’ll just throw some clothes on.’

‘It’ll be waiting for you in the garden,’ he promises, taking his arms from around me and heading for the stairs.

I pull on jeans and a T-shirt and follow him down. He’s standing in the kitchen slicing some limes.

‘That was quick,’ he says. But I’m too busy staring at the window.

‘Did you open the window?’ I ask.

‘What?’ He turns to look. ‘No, it was like that when I came in.’

‘But I shut it,’ I say, frowning. ‘Before I went up for my bath I shut all the windows.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes.’ I search my memory. I can remember closing the windows in the sitting room and the one in the study but I can’t remember closing this one. ‘At least, I thought I had.’

‘Maybe you didn’t close it properly and it came open,’ he says. ‘Maybe that was the noise you heard.’

‘You’re probably right,’ I say, relieved. ‘Come on, let’s have that drink.’

*

Later, after dinner, we carry the rest of the bottle of wine through to the sitting room to finish in front of a film. It’s hard to find one we haven’t already seen.

‘What about Juno?’ he asks as we flick through the list. ‘Do you know what it’s about?’

‘A teenager who finds herself pregnant and looks for the perfect couple to adopt her baby. I don’t really think it’s for you.’

‘Oh, I don’t know.’ He takes the remote from me and puts it to one side. ‘We haven’t talked about having a baby for a while now,’ he says, gathering me in his arms. ‘You do still want to, don’t you?’

I lay my head on his shoulder, loving how safe he makes me feel. ‘Yes, of course.’

‘Then perhaps we should start putting the wheels in motion. It can be quite a long process, apparently.’

‘We said when we’d been married a year,’ I say and, despite my joy, I realise that I’m stalling, because how can I think about having a child when, before it’s even a teenager, I could be diagnosed with dementia, like Mum? I know I’m probably worrying about nothing but to ignore the problems I’ve been having with my memory would be stupid.

‘It’s lucky it’s our anniversary soon, then,’ he says softly. ‘Why don’t we watch an action film instead?’

‘All right. Let’s have a look at what there is.’

We watch a film until it’s time for the news. As always, Jane’s murder features prominently and I only carry on watching because I’m desperate to know if they’re any nearer to catching her killer. But they’ve made little progress. Then a police officer comes on:

‘If you, or anyone you know, were in the vicinity of Blackwater Lane last Friday night, or in the early hours of Saturday morning, and saw Jane Walter’s car, a dark red Renault Clio, parked or otherwise, please call the following number.’

He seems to be looking directly at me as he speaks, and when he adds that people can call the number anonymously, I realise it’s the answer to my dilemma.

The news finishes and Matthew, ready for bed, tries to pull me to my feet.

‘You go ahead, there’s something I want to watch on another channel,’ I say, reaching for the remote.

‘OK,’ he says cheerfully, ‘I’ll see you later.’

I wait until he’s upstairs, then rewind the news until I find the number and jot it down on a piece of paper. I don’t want the police to be able to trace the call back to me so I’ll have to use a payphone, which means I won’t be able to phone until Monday, when Matthew’s back at work. And once I have, hopefully some of my guilt will disappear.


SUNDAY, JULY 26TH (#ulink_69303020-d5fc-54b8-9087-22bb389f2e04)

The house phone rings while Matthew is in the kitchen, making breakfast to bring back to bed.

‘Can you get it?’ I call from the bedroom, shifting further down under the covers. ‘If it’s for me, tell whoever it is that I’ll call them back!’

A moment later, I hear him asking Andy how he is, so I guess bumping into Hannah has prompted his call. Remembering how I had suddenly run off to meet Rachel, I can’t help feeling a little guilty.

‘Let me guess – Andy wants you to play tennis this morning,’ I say when Matthew comes back upstairs.

‘No, he wanted to know what time we’re expecting them.’ He looks quizzically at me. ‘I didn’t realise you’d invited them today.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Just that you didn’t mention it was today they were coming for a barbecue.’

‘It isn’t.’ Sitting up, I take one of the pillows from his side of the bed and put it behind my back. ‘I said they must come round but I didn’t say when.’

‘Well, Andy seems to think it’s today.’

I smile. ‘He’s having a joke with you.’

‘No, he was deadly serious.’ He pauses. ‘Are you sure you didn’t invite them today?’

‘Of course I am!’

‘It’s just that you did the garden yesterday.’

‘What’s that got to do with it?’

‘Just that Andy asked me if you’d managed to get the place tidied up. Apparently, you told Hannah that if they came for a barbecue, it would be a good excuse to get the garden into shape.’

‘Then why didn’t they know the time? If I’d arranged something with Hannah, I would have said the time. She’s got it wrong, not me.’

Matthew gently shakes his head. The movement is so subtle, I nearly miss it. ‘I managed to hide the fact that I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about and said twelve-thirty.’

I look at him, appalled. ‘What, so they’re all coming? The children too?’

‘I’m afraid so.’

‘But I didn’t invite them! Could you phone Andy back and tell him there’s been a mistake?’

‘I could, I suppose.’ Another pause. ‘As long as you’re sure you didn’t tell them to come today.’

I stare at him, trying not to let him see how unsure I suddenly feel. Even though I can’t actually remember inviting Hannah and Andy today, what I do remember is Hannah saying, just as we parted, something about Andy looking forward to seeing Matthew. My heart sinks.

‘Look, don’t worry,’ Matthew says, watching me. ‘It’s no big deal. I can always pop out and buy a few steaks to throw on the barbecue. And some sausages for the children.’

‘We’ll need to make a couple of salads as well,’ I say, feeling near to tears because I really don’t feel up to having them round, not with my mind full of Jane. ‘And what about dessert?’

‘I’ll buy some ice cream from the farm shop when I go for the meat. And Andy said that Hannah’s bringing a birthday cake – apparently, it’s his birthday tomorrow – so there’ll be plenty.’

‘What time is it now?’

‘Just gone ten. Why don’t you have your shower while I make some breakfast? We won’t be able to have it in bed though.’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ I say, trying to hide how depressed I feel.

‘And then I’ll do the shopping while you make the salads.’

‘Thank you,’ I mumble gratefully. ‘I’m sorry.’

His arms come around me. ‘Hey, you’ve got nothing to apologise for. I know how tired you are at the moment.’

I’m glad to be able to hide behind the excuse but how long is it going to be before he says something to me, because coming on top of having forgotten he was going away on Monday, this fiasco over the barbecue is one thing too many. I go through to the bathroom, trying to ignore the voice in my head: You’re going mad, you’re going mad, you’re going mad. It would be so much easier to pretend that Hannah, wanting to come round for a barbecue, had decided to manipulate an invitation. But that’s not something she’d ever do and I’d be mad to even think it. Anyway, what about my obsession to get the garden looking perfect? I’d been so sure that it was just a way of distracting myself, of keeping myself busy but, maybe, somewhere in my brain, I knew that I’d invited them.

Thinking back, I can guess what happened. I’d been so distracted by the talk of Jane, I’d only been half listening to what Hannah was saying by the end of our chat. Maybe it was then, during those lost minutes, that I’d invited Hannah and Andy to come today.

It used to happen to Mum all the time. She’d be there, nodding away at things I was saying, offering her opinion, even making suggestions, but a few minutes later she couldn’t remember anything that we’d said at all. ‘I must have been away with the fairies’, she’d say. ‘Periodic amnesia’ the nurse who came to check on her called it. Was that where I’d been, away with the fairies? For the first time in my life, fairies seem like evil creatures.

*

Hannah and Andy arrive a little after twelve-thirty, and it’s not long before the conversation inevitably turns to Jane’s murder.

‘Did you see that the police are appealing for people to come forward in relation to that young woman’s death?’ Hannah says as she passes a plate to Matthew. ‘Don’t you think it strange that nobody has?’

‘Maybe, but I don’t suppose many people take that road late at night,’ Matthew says. ‘Especially when there’s a storm going on.’

‘If I’m coming back from Castle Wells, I take it all the time,’ says Andy cheerfully. ‘Day or night, storm or no storm.’

‘So where were you last Friday night?’ Matthew asks and, when they all start laughing, I want to scream at them to stop.

Matthew catches sight of my face. ‘Sorry,’ he says quietly. He turns to Hannah and Andy. ‘Did Cass tell you she knew her?’

They stare at me.

‘Not very well,’ I say quickly, cursing Matthew for mentioning it. ‘We had lunch together once, that’s all.’ I close my mind to the image of Jane shaking her head reproachfully at my quick dismissal of our friendship.

‘I’m so sorry, Cass, you must feel terrible,’ Hannah says.

‘Yes, I do.’ There’s a short silence where nobody seems to know quite what to say.

‘Well, I’m sure they’ll catch whoever’s responsible soon,’ Andy says. ‘Somebody somewhere must know something.’

I manage to get through the rest of the afternoon but as soon as they’ve gone I wish they’d come back. Their constant stream of chatter may have been exhausting but it’s preferable to the silence that leaves me too much time to think about the things tumbling around in my mind.

I clear the table and carry the plates into the kitchen and, as I walk in through the door, I stop in my tracks, staring at the window I hadn’t remembered closing yesterday, before I’d gone up for my bath. Because now, when I think about it, when I’d been making the curry, the back door had been open – but not the window.


MONDAY, JULY 27TH (#ulink_d6bcfdd6-c058-5251-8383-e19701aeac22)

After Matthew leaves for the rig, I’m unnerved by the sense of abandonment I feel, but I can finally make the phone call I’ve been dreading. I find the piece of paper where I jotted the number down and, as I’m looking for my bag, the phone starts ringing.

‘Hello?’

There’s no reply so I presume whoever it is has lost their signal. I hold on for another ten seconds, then hang up. If it’s Matthew, I know he’ll phone again if he needs to.

I run upstairs to fetch my purse, push my feet into some shoes and leave the house. I had thought about driving into Browbury or Castle Wells and using one of the payphones there but it seems a bit extreme when there’s one five minutes up the road, near the bus shelter.

As I approach the payphone, I feel as if someone is watching me. I look to the right and left, then turn and look surreptitiously behind me. But there’s no one around, just a cat sunning itself on a low stone wall. A car drives past; lost in her own thoughts, the woman driver doesn’t even look my way.

In front of the phone, I read the instructions – because it’s years since I used one – fish for a coin in my purse and with shaking fingers push a pound into the slot. I take out the piece of paper where I jotted down the number to call and punch it into the phone, my heart racing, wondering if I’m doing the right thing. But before I can change my mind, my call is answered.

‘It’s about Jane Walters,’ I say breathlessly. ‘I passed her car in Blackwater Lane at eleven-thirty and she was still alive.’

‘Thank you for coming forward.’ The woman’s voice is calm. ‘Could I—’ But I’ve already put the phone down.

I leave quickly, hurrying down the road towards the house, the same uneasy feeling that I’m being watched following me as I go. Once inside, I make myself calm down. There wasn’t anybody watching me, it was only my guilty conscience at doing something secretive that made me think that there was. And because I’ve done what I should have done at the beginning, I begin to feel better about everything.

After all my hard work on Saturday, there’s nothing left to do in the garden but there’s plenty of housework waiting. With the radio on for company, I drag the hoover upstairs and, armed with polish and cleaning materials, I make a start on the bedrooms. I work methodically, focusing on the task in hand, steering my mind away from Jane. And it works – until the news bulletin comes on at midday:

‘Police are appealing to the person who contacted them earlier today with information relating to the murder of Jane Walters to get back in contact with them. Jane Walters was found murdered in her car in the early hours of the eighteenth of July and…’

I don’t hear any more over the hammering of my heart. It reverberates in my eardrums, making me deaf. I sit down on the bed and take deep, shaky breaths. Why do the police want to speak to me again? I had told them everything I know. I try to squash down the panic rising inside me but it just keeps on coming. Even though nobody knows it was me who made that phone call, the fact the police have made it public means I no longer feel anonymous. Instead, I feel horribly exposed. The police had said something about the person who called them having information in relation to Jane’s murder. It makes it sound as if I told them something important, something vital. If Jane’s killer was listening to the news, he’s bound to feel threatened by my existence. What if he thinks I saw him lurking around Jane’s car that night?

Horribly agitated, I get to my feet and pace the bedroom, wondering what I should do. As I pass in front of the window, I glance distractedly outside and find myself freezing. There’s a man, a man I haven’t seen before, walking away from our house. Nothing to worry about, except that he must have come from the woods. Nothing to worry about, except that it’s rare to see anybody walking past our house. Driving, yes, walking, no. To go for a walk in the woods, no one would go down Blackwater Lane on foot, not unless they wanted to get run over. The path that leads to the woods starts in the field opposite our house and is well signposted. I watch him until he’s out of sight. He doesn’t hurry, he doesn’t turn around but it does nothing to calm my heart’s furious racing.

*

‘Is Rachel staying with you tonight?’ Matthew asks when he phones me later from the rig. Before leaving this morning, he had suggested I invite her over. I haven’t told him about the man I saw earlier because there’s nothing really to say. Besides, he might call the police, and what would I tell them?

‘I saw a man walking away from our house.’

‘What did he look like?’

‘Average height, average build. I only saw him from behind.’

‘Where were you?’

‘In the bedroom.’

‘What did he do?’

‘Nothing.’

‘So you didn’t see him do anything suspicious?’

‘No. But I think he might have been looking up at the house.’

‘You think?’

‘Yes.’

‘So you didn’t actually see him looking at the house.’

‘No.’

‘No,’ I tell Matthew. ‘I decided not to bother her.’

‘That’s a pity.’

‘Why?’

‘It’s just that I don’t like the thought of you being on your own.’

His worry increases mine. ‘I wish you’d told me that before.’

‘You’ll be fine. Just make sure that the doors are locked before you go to bed.’

‘They’re already locked. I wish we had an alarm.’

‘I’ll have a look at the brochure when I get back,’ he promises.

I hang up and phone Rachel.

‘Are you doing anything tonight?’

‘Sleeping,’ she replies. ‘I’m already in bed.’

‘At nine in the evening?’

‘If you’d had the weekend I had, you’d have been in bed long ago. So if you’re phoning to ask me to go out, I’m afraid it’s a no.’

‘I was going to ask you to come round and share a bottle of wine with me.’

I hear a yawn on the other end of the phone. ‘Why, are you on your own?’

‘Yes, Matthew’s got an inspection at one of the rigs. He’s away all week.’

‘How about if I come and keep you company on Wednesday?’

My heart sinks. ‘What about tomorrow?’

‘I can’t, sorry, I already have something on.’

‘Wednesday it is, then.’ I can’t keep the disappointment from my voice.

‘Is everything OK?’ she asks, picking up on it.

‘Yes, everything’s fine. Go on, go to sleep.’

‘See you Wednesday,’ she promises.

I wander into the sitting room. If I’d told her that I’m nervous about being on my own, she’d have come straight round. I turn on the television and watch an episode of a series I’ve never seen before. Then, feeling tired, I go up to bed, hoping I’ll sleep straight through until the morning.

But I can’t relax. The house is too dark, the night too silent. I reach out and turn the light on, but sleep eludes me. I put my headphones on to listen to music but take them off again when I realise they’d mask the sound of someone creeping up the stairs. The two windows I found open, the one in the bedroom after the alarm man left on Friday and the one in the kitchen on Saturday play on my mind, as does the man I saw outside the house this morning. When the sun begins to rise and I find myself falling asleep, I don’t bother fighting it, telling myself that I’m less likely to be murdered in daylight than at night.


WEDNESDAY, JULY 29TH (#ulink_5ae4705d-a3ed-5c6e-ad58-e4db8ad62efe)

I’m woken by the phone ringing in the hall. I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling, hoping the caller will give up. Yesterday morning the phone had rung insistently at half-past eight but when I’d answered it there’d been no one there. I look at the clock: it’s nearly nine so it’s probably Matthew, phoning before he starts work for the day. Leaping out of bed, I run downstairs and snatch it up before the answering machine kicks in.

‘Hello?’ I say breathlessly. There’s no answering hello, so I wait, because the connection is often bad from the rig.

‘Matthew?’ I try. There’s still no answer so I hang up and dial his number.

‘Did you just call?’ I ask when he picks up.

‘Good morning, darling,’ he says pointedly, but with laughter in his voice. ‘How are you today?’

‘Sorry,’ I say hastily. ‘I’ll start again. Hello, darling, how are you?’

‘That’s better. I’m fine, it’s cold up here, though.’

‘Did you call me a moment ago?’

‘No.’

I frown. ‘Oh.’

‘Why?’

‘The phone rang but there was no one there so I thought it was a bad connection from the rig.’

‘No, I was going to call you at lunchtime. I’m afraid I have to go, sweetheart, let’s speak later.’

I hang up, annoyed at having been got out of bed. There should be a rule against cold-callers calling so early. The day stretches in front of me and I realise I don’t want to spend another night on my own. During the night, when I’d got up to go to the loo, I’d looked out of the window and, for a second, I thought there was someone there. There wasn’t, of course, but after that I couldn’t get back to sleep until the early hours.

‘Then go away for a couple of days,’ Matthew says when he phones and I tell him I’ve hardly slept for the last two nights.

‘I could, I suppose,’ I say. ‘Maybe the hotel I went to a couple of years ago, after Mum died. It has a pool and spa. I’m not sure they’ll have any room though.’

‘Why don’t you phone them and find out? If they do, you could go today and I’ll join you on Friday.’

My spirits lift immediately. ‘That’s a great idea! You really are the best husband in the world,’ I say gratefully.

I phone the hotel and while I wait for them to pick up, I take the calendar from the wall, just to make sure of the dates I need to book. I’m just calculating that I’ll need to book it for four nights if we’re to stay until Sunday when the words ‘Matthew to rig’ jump accusingly out at me from Monday’s square. I close my eyes, hoping they won’t be there when I open them again. But they are, as are the words ‘Matthew back’, written on the square for the 31st – Friday – followed by a smiley face. My heart drops and worry begins its familiar gnawing in my stomach, so that when the hotel finally answers and the receptionist tells me they’re fully booked apart from a suite, I don’t even ask him how much it costs, I just go ahead and reserve it.

I hang the calendar back on the wall, turning the page over to August, ready for when we come back from the hotel – and so that Matthew won’t see he was right when he said he’d told me he was going to the rig.

*

It’s only once I’m at the hotel, waiting to check in, that I begin to feel better. The suite is fabulous, with the biggest bed I’ve ever seen and once I’ve unpacked, I text Matthew to let him know where I am, then change into a swimsuit and make my way down to the pool. I’m just pushing my belongings into a locker when a text arrives, but from Rachel:

Hi, just to let you know I’ve arranged to leave early tonight so will be with you around 6. Are you cooking or shall we go out?

My heart plummets so fast I feel as if I’ve stepped off a cliff. How could I have forgotten that Rachel was coming to stay tonight when we’d only arranged it on Monday? I think of Mum and a hot-sick fear claws my stomach. I can’t believe I forgot. Jane’s murder and the guilt I feel have distracted me, yes, but to forget about Rachel coming to stay? I fumble with my phone and press the Call button, desperate to confide my growing fears in someone.

Despite Rachel only just sending the message, she doesn’t pick up. The changing room is empty so I sit down on a damp wooden bench. Now that I’ve made the decision to tell Rachel I’m worried about my short-term memory, I’m desperate to act on it in case I dissuade myself later. I call Rachel again and this time she answers.

‘I don’t suppose you’d like to spend the night in a luxury hotel instead of at the house,’ I say.

There’s a pause. ‘Depends where it is.’

‘Westbrook Park.’

‘The one with the fantastic spa?’ She’s whispering, so I guess she’s in the middle of a meeting or something.

‘That’s the one. Actually, I’m already there. I felt like having a bit of a break.’

‘It’s all right for some,’ she sighs.

‘So will you join me?’

‘It’s a bit far to come for one night – I have to work tomorrow, remember. How about I join you on Friday?’

‘You could,’ I say, ‘Matthew’s coming here straight from the rig, so it’d be the three of us.’

She gives a quiet laugh. ‘Awkward.’

‘Sorry for standing you up tonight.’

‘Don’t worry about it. See you next week?’

‘Hang on, Rachel, there’s something else…’

But she’s already gone.


FRIDAY, JULY 31ST (#ulink_73bde25c-33ed-5523-acb7-42f84882f709)

By the time the afternoon comes, I’m desperate to see Matthew. The weather isn’t brilliant so I hang around in our room, waiting for his call to tell me what time he’ll be arriving. I watch a bit of television, relieved that there’s nothing on the news about Jane’s murder, yet strangely annoyed that two weeks on from her violent death, she’s already been forgotten.

The phone rings and I snatch it up.

‘I’m at the house,’ Matthew says.

‘Good,’ I say happily. ‘You’ll be here in time for dinner.’

‘The thing is, when I arrived, there was a man here from that alarm company, practically sitting on the doorstep.’ He pauses. ‘I didn’t realise you’d actually gone ahead with it.’

‘Gone ahead with what?’

‘Well, the alarm.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘The guy said he agreed with you that someone would fit the alarm this morning but when the technician turned up there was nobody in. They’ve been phoning every half an hour, apparently.’

‘I didn’t agree to anything at all,’ I say, annoyed. ‘All I said was that we’d get back to him.’

‘But you signed a contract,’ Matthew says, sounding puzzled.

‘I did no such thing! Be careful, Matthew, he’s trying it on, pretending I agreed to something when I didn’t. It’s a scam, that’s all.’

‘That’s what I thought. But when I said that as far as I was concerned we hadn’t decided anything yet, he showed me a copy of the contract with your signature on it.’

‘Then he must have forged it.’ There’s a silence. ‘You think I went ahead and ordered it, don’t you?’ I say, realising.

‘No, of course not! It’s just that the signature looked a lot like yours.’ I sense him hesitate. ‘After I got rid of him I had a look at the brochure you left in the kitchen and, inside, there’s a client copy of the contract. Shall I bring it to the hotel so that you can see it? Then if it’s not above board, we can do something about it.’

‘Sue the pants off him, you mean,’ I say, trying to lighten things, trying not to let any doubt cloud my mind. ‘What time will you be here?’

‘By the time I’ve showered and changed – about six-thirty?’

‘I’ll wait in the bar for you.’

I hang up, momentarily annoyed that he could think I’d order an alarm without telling him. But a little voice is mocking me: Are you sure, Cass, are you really sure? Yes, I tell it firmly, I am sure. Besides, the man from the alarm company had seemed like the type of person who would do anything to get a contract, even if it meant lying and cheating. I’m so confident I’m right that when I go down to the bar, I order a bottle of champagne.

It’s waiting in an ice bucket when Matthew arrives.

‘Tough week?’ I ask, because he looks horribly tired.

‘You could say that,’ he says, kissing me. He eyes the champagne. ‘That looks good.’

The waiter comes to open the bottle and serves us.




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