Muse
Muse
Sommer Marsden
Life as a nude model wasn’t what Dani Young expected. It was all Chris’s idea. His art class was minus one model and her life needed a change—a big one. An emotional shake up, he said. Something to make her feel wild and brave and free.She’s learning a lot about herself — her wants, her desires, her unexpected fantasies. But her biggest lesson may be that she deserves so much more than she’s always settled for in the past. Something like a courageous, blazing shot at real love.
Muse
SOMMER MARSDEN
A division of HarperCollinsPublishers
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
Mischief
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers
The News Building
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
An eBook Original 2016
1
Copyright © Sommer Marsden
Cover design: Head Design 2017, cover images: Shutterstock (http://www.shutterstock.com)
Sommer Marsden asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
EBook Edition © Februrary 2016 ISBN: 9780008148843
Version: 2017-08-17
For Jim. Being with you always felt like coming home to me …
Table of Contents
Cover (#uf17f5dda-7cdc-5d2e-92a9-c0751f154b74)
Title Page (#u70cef6db-7dd5-5039-ba50-0b88d36d7390)
Copyright (#u230ef4b2-5d50-5852-8a04-5df05b54b59e)
Dedication (#u3a2def83-cc1d-5f5c-ab73-43ec3306a0a0)
Chapter 1 (#ufe869862-d9aa-52fe-9030-dc0d70f0e0b4)
Chapter 2 (#u67702345-3c74-5274-9734-ffd354cfd8e3)
Chapter 3 (#u3b4b27fe-9ddd-55c5-a70c-1a06e716600f)
Chapter 4 (#ued1d1269-6509-5428-b08f-c42832914f98)
Chapter 5 (#u9ca8a637-be37-558b-88d6-9a7ac774ee93)
Chapter 6 (#u59414faa-bbf6-5fbb-b0b0-e2295d1df2f8)
Chapter 7 (#u06ae2ba5-c8cb-5158-939d-ed40fd26a8c2)
Chapter 8 (#u14c5a8b0-b47e-56b7-8cd0-4a7cf4c36550)
Chapter 9 (#uc8dac9f3-e75e-5cd7-9b89-1e78da50cc32)
Chapter 10 (#u6b20f293-df0f-5d76-9e4d-353d7dcbef0b)
Chapter 11 (#u663c5f62-7cb4-5053-86c2-89c52cd72bae)
Chapter 12 (#uc8a362ea-d680-5344-9572-12e1aba6b3c5)
Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 24 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 25 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 26 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 27 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 28 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 29 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 30 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 31 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 32 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 33 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 34 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 35 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 36 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 37 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 38 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 39 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 40 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 41 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 42 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 43 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 44 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 45 (#litres_trial_promo)
Keep Reading … (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 1 (#u35f8981b-9a28-530a-b419-2c3ac3048b25)
‘And I don’t want you to be late, Dani. Not like the last time we went to dinner. I was ready to go sitting there like a prom date who’d been ditched—’
Dani hung her head. ‘Mother—’ she attempted. She clutched the silky white teddy in her hand, thinking she should put it in the ‘donate’ pile, but something in her heart clenched at the idea.
‘And then we were late to get the early menu. You know I like the early menu.’
She took a deep breath before finally breaking into her mother’s tirade. ‘I won’t be late. If you let me get off the phone. I have to finish bagging this stuff. I can’t show up at a clothing trade without actual clothing, now can I?’
Her mother humped into the phone and Dani couldn’t help it, she smiled.
‘Fine. Be here at two. Two sharp, Danielle!’
‘I will, Mom.’ She managed to say goodbye and hang up without tearing her hair out.
The room was bright now. She’d painted it yellow after her marriage to Bob had ended. Originally it had been a dark blue called December Evening, but now it was called Bright Eyed Susan. It suited her better, she thought. Suited the way she wanted her life to feel.
‘Fuck it,’ she said and tossed the white teddy in the pile for the clothing swap. It had been her wedding-night lingerie and she saw absolutely no reason to hang onto it. No reason in clinging to the past.
‘Now if we could just work on this future I’m supposed to have. A bright, fun, single woman breaking hearts and kicking ass.’ At least that was what everyone had told her. Everyone had assured her that her life would improve. That it would get better.
Dani picked up the teddy once more and ran the fabric through her fingers. She traced the lace at the edges, felt the hope this garment had once held lance through her. If she shut her eyes it was easy. Too easy, in fact. She could remember that night. The excitement, the buzz of alcohol and wedding festivities and being married. Belonging to someone.
She held it like a talisman, remembering the feel of Bob’s mouth on her mouth. Then the feel of it moving everywhere else. Kissing down her neck, licking at her collar bones, sucking one nipple and then the other. Then his hot breath and wet tongue on her navel before drifting lower. How he’d skated his teeth along the sharp jut of her hipbones and her pubis, before finally, blissfully, moving lower to where she needed it most. Settling his head between her thighs. Licking her until the entire world seemed to surge before crashing down in a wave.
How that night had seemed the beginning and the end. How everything looked shiny and new and seemed to hold magical potential.
‘Fuck,’ she said, opening her eyes and tossing it back in the pile.
That was another woman. Another life. Long gone and best forgotten. All that potential had fizzled like a soda left open. What had started as effervescent had ended up flat and cloying.
She shook her head, checked her clock and set about neatly folding the clothing she’d gathered and tucking it into boxes. Then she filled a bag with purses and another with shoes and a few belts.
‘Out with the old and in with the new!’ she declared to no one at all.
A quick shower and then she was choosing an outfit. Something her mother wouldn’t find issue with. Jeans – not too tight, not too loose – tall black boots, a smoke-grey tunic and a pendant that had been her grandmother’s. She tugged her auburn hair up into a messy topknot and added long earrings. She regarded herself in the mirror and tried on a smile. She loved her mother more than anything but sometimes she had to steel herself to spend long bouts of time with her.
‘She’s going to hate the hair,’ she told her reflection. Then she shrugged, gathered her bags, found her purse, and headed to her mom’s. She had plenty of time, she thought smugly. So there would be no reason at all for her mother to complain. Well, at least not about her being late.
* * *
Helen Young was leaning against her front fence talking to a neighbour when Dani pulled up. Her mother tossed her a wave and went right on yapping. She was decked out in a sage-coloured suit, a cream blouse and some sensible heels. Her greying hair was tucked up into a sleek French twist. It had once been the same shade of auburn as Dani’s, a rich mix of red and dark brown. Now it was heavily streaked with silver. Not grey, her mother always pointed out … silver.
Dani put the car in park, took a fortifying breath and climbed out.
‘She’s on time!’ Helen declared to no one and everyone.
Mrs Fletcher from next door, a few years older than her mom and prone to wearing housecoats all day every day, waved her newspaper at Dani. ‘Hi, hon!’
‘Hi, Mrs Fletcher. How are you?’
‘Still alive!’ she called with a cackle.
‘Good to hear.’ Dani went to her mom, kissed her powdered cheek. ‘Hi, Mom. Your bags?’
‘All up on the porch just waiting for the cavalry to arrive to help me.’
‘Here I am.’ Dani began to load them two at a time. The front steps were steep brick and she’d warned her mother not to attempt bringing the bags down on her own.
When they were all loaded, Dani turned to her mom, who was still rattling on across the fence.
‘Mom?’
When her mom finally took a breath and looked her way, Dani tapped an imaginary watch on her wrist. ‘Tick tick tick … you didn’t want to be late.’
‘I’m being taken now,’ Helen said to Mrs Fletcher. ‘You call me if that sciatica acts up and you need someone to fetch you stuff.’
Mrs Fletcher agreed, waved the paper again and disappeared inside her small house. A house heavily decorated with cat figurines, prints of Jesus at the Last Supper, and doilies. Lots and lots of doilies. Dani had spent summers cleaning the older woman’s house when she was in high school. She’d never had to move so many doilies in her life.
In the car, her mother immediately shut off the radio station with a shudder. ‘Nothing but noise.’
Dani laughed. ‘That’s eighties music, mom. It’s now what they play over the grocery store sound system and it’s been turned into elevator music.’
‘And it’s still noise,’ Helen said, clutching her purse in her lap. ‘You have your bags?’
‘Yes.’
‘You ready to find some new clothes?’
Dani sighed. ‘I guess. I doubt they’ll have anything that really works for me.’
Her mother appraised her with a cocked eyebrow. ‘Oh, come on. You’re not exactly fashion forward, Dani. I’d call you … kitschy and comfy.’
‘I’ll attempt to take that as a compliment.’
Her mom shrugged. ‘Nothing wrong with it. Anyway, it’s for a good cause. Ten bucks and two bags or more gets us our tokens and then they’ll have a silent auction later for pricier items that were donated outright. Some schmoozing—’
‘Schmoozing?’ Dani asked, laughing.
Helen nodded decisively. ‘Yes, some schmoozing, some food, some drinks, and you come home with some new clothes. Win-win-win.’
‘Well, I’m glad you’re excited,’ Dani said. ‘I’m sure it will be fun.’
There was a palpable beat of silence. Dani felt her mother working her way up to saying something. Probably something Dani didn’t want to hear. The pregnant moment passed and Helen tried to be casual as she blew out a breath and said, ‘So … dating anyone?’
Dani managed not to roll her eyes. ‘Nope. Not at the moment.’
Her mother’s lips settled into a thin, dissatisfied line. ‘Dani, you’re not getting any younger.’
Dani shook her head, turned the car onto Harford Road and tried not to get angry. ‘No, but I’m not getting any dumber either. I’m not going to date someone just because I’m not twenty.’
Her mother gave her a nod. ‘Well, that’s true.’
Dani laughed again. ‘Glad you see it my way, Mom. And by the way, thirty-two isn’t exactly ancient.’
Her mother patted her leg. ‘Not at all. But life has a way of creeping up on you. In a blink you’re not thirty-two any more. You’re sixty-two.’
‘I’m sure,’ Dani said, feeling a sudden sadness. Life did go fast but she couldn’t date someone just to date them. And since the divorce had been finalised she hadn’t met anyone she felt the need to spend her time with. It was what it was and she felt it best to accept that. She’d had a few scattershot dates that had been pleasant but nothing special, and then a few that had been the stuff bad-dating comedies were made of. She’d rather be alone.
‘Plus, men die sooner than women, statistically speaking.’
‘Mom!’
‘Well, it’s true. So, you’ll have limited time even once you find the right man.’
‘Mom …’ she sighed. She could feel it coming. The next thing her mom would say.
‘I had thirty wonderful years with your dad and then we lost him. I’ve been alone since. Eleven years later, I’m still alone.’
Dani shook her head, took her mom’s hand briefly and squeezed it. ‘I know, Mom. But let’s change the subject. Because we’re here!’
She turned into the VFW hall’s parking lot and found a spot. Then she cut the engine and turned toward her mother. ‘It’s going to be fine, Mom. I’ll meet someone when I meet someone. It’ll work out.’
Helen gave a decisive nod and patted her hair. ‘You’re right. Of course. I’m sorry. I worry, is all.’
‘It’s your job.’
They paid their donation entrance fee and then an older gentleman went with them to the car and helped them gather and check in their donation bags. Dani watched carefully and noticed her mother was flirting. She couldn’t help but laugh. Helen had tried to give Dani a pep talk and Dani was starting to think it had backfired on her.
They were given a table to set up their clothing. Dani was just displaying the lingerie on the table when a sharp voice cried, ‘Helen Young! And Dani!’
Chapter 2 (#u35f8981b-9a28-530a-b419-2c3ac3048b25)
She turned to see Clara Oliver come rushing up and fold her mother in a big embrace. The woman stood about eight inches taller than her mom and was decked out in a bright floral draped blouse, hot-pink slacks and tall heels. She was the exact opposite of Dani’s mom. Colourful and imposing as a peacock.
Dani blinked. It had been ages since she’d seen Clara and her son. And, speaking of her son, Chris came striding up behind his mother, looking sheepish. He had his hands shoved way down in the pockets of his khakis, and the slouch he’d adopted when they were teenagers when he wanted to be invisible. He looked about as comfortable as a zebra at a gathering of lions.
‘Ages! It’s been ages!’ Clara exclaimed, gripping her mother so tight she looked like a python taking down a lamb.
Dani pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. Mostly because her mom wasn’t the most affectionate person and especially not in public. A little giggle slipped free when Helen literally pushed her hands against the larger woman’s arms and levered herself free. She smoothed her hair, looking flustered and more than a little stunned.
‘And Dani!’ Then Clara was coming at her, arms wide so her flowy blouse looked like butterfly wings. A cloud of sweet perfume seemed to linger around her and her lipstick was the bright red of a STOP sign.
Dani took a deep breath and resigned herself to the affection just as she was engulfed in a warm, soft embrace. She hugged the older woman back. ‘Good to see you, Mrs Oliver. It’s been a long time.’
And it had. About fifteen years. The Youngs had lived a few doors down. She’d been in high school with Christopher, him being a year or two ahead of her. They’d hung out as kids, wandering the neighbourhood in the summer, being bored together.
When she was finally released, she stepped back and saw he was watching her. She smiled. ‘Chris.’
‘Dani,’ he said with a small nod. Finally, as if not quite sure he wanted to, he moved in and gave her a quick hug. He smelled good, she noticed. Wood smoke, cotton, fall air. It was a nice scent that made her remember what it was like to be hugged by a man on a regular basis.
She pulled free as the two mothers chattered, catching up, Helen keeping a safe foot or so between herself and Clara lest she try for another public display of affection. ‘You look like you wish the floor would open up and swallow you whole,’ she said softly so only he could hear.
His face split into a grin. It was his best feature, that grin. She’d always thought so. ‘If only it would. What a gift from the gods that would be.’
She laughed. ‘You’re a good son bringing your mom here. A gaggle of mostly women hocking their discarded clothes in hopes of new treasures.’
‘My sister’s in Florida so I was her only hope. And I couldn’t say no.’ He was watching his mother, a half-smile on his face. ‘Since my dad died she doesn’t go out a whole lot. And she really wanted to come, so …’ There was that shrug again.
‘I think they have a little refreshment area set up,’ she said. ‘How about I buy you a coffee to reward your good deed?’
His gaze had drifted to her table where all her clothes were laid out. He reached out and stroked a single finger along the fabric of the white teddy she’d displayed on top. A shiver ran through her. It was as if she was magically linked with that piece of clothing and his fingertip had travelled down her skin.
She cleared her throat, a reflex when she was flustered.
It cleared his head and he withdrew his finger. ‘That would be great. We can catch up.’
She asked the older women what they’d want from the vendor and together they managed to wend their way through the sea of people who had gathered to trade clothes and attend the silent auction.
Once they’d hit the line she bumped her shoulder playfully against his as she had when they were young. ‘So, what’s up? Still got the art thing going on?’
He seemed to relax a little with the familiar topic. ‘Yep. Still doing the art thing.’
‘Freelance?’
He nodded as they shuffled forward in the line. ‘I sell paintings, I do some graphic work freelance, and I teach a night class.’
‘Wow,’ she said, bumping him again. Why was he so stiff and uncomfortable? They’d spent hours upon hours in each other’s company growing up, until her family eventually moved. They’d attempted to stay in touch during college, seeing each other occasionally at parties, sending occasional letters and cards for holidays. ‘Who thought the boy who liked to blow up random things in the summer would turn out to be a teacher.’
He smiled, his cheeks blooming with a little bit of colour. ‘Not me. But a friend who teaches full-time at the community college talked me into it. It’s kind of fun, to be honest. The people are a bit older, they’re looking to learn something new. No hopes of being the next Picasso or Warhol. Just the urge to express themselves.’
‘That is awesome,’ she said. They shuffled forward a little more and she turned to see if she could spot Clara and her mom. They were behind, milling around the tables, checking out clothes.
‘You?’
‘Me? Oh, I’m boring. I work as the office manager at a doctor’s office. Kind of fell into it, liked the people, liked the doctors and liked the normality. I only started after Bob and I got divorced. I was writing for the local newspaper at the time, but that little thing didn’t pay much and I needed more money. Single woman and all.’
He’d finally turned to look at her fully. She saw how blue his eyes were. Just as blue as when he was seventeen. They hadn’t changed at all nor had his hair – an unusual shade of red mixed with brown. It looked brown most of the time until the light hit it just right and then it shimmered with deep-red highlights. She’d always marvelled at the colour, even French braiding it one summer when he’d let it grow long. They’d laughed until they’d coughed over that.
‘Why are you smiling?’ he asked, touching her elbow and nudging her forward as the ridiculous line moved again.
‘Wondering if I could get a braid in the close-cropped hair.’
His bark of laughter startled the older woman in front of them. She turned with an annoyed glare. Which made him laugh harder. ‘Sorry,’ he mumbled as she turned her back to them.
‘Doubtful,’ Chris said. He nudged the floor with the toe of his shoe. ‘I was going to ask about Bob but now I guess I don’t have to. Sorry to hear about the … about that.’
‘Divorce,’ she said, nudging him. ‘You can say it. I won’t burst into flames … or tears.’ He nodded. ‘What about you? Ever get married? Got a girl? Babies?’
His eyes widened. ‘God, no. I mean, to babies. Not yet. No. I had a girlfriend for a long time but we never got married. Good thing, too. It didn’t work.’
She flinched just a little. ‘Sorry,’ he said.
‘It’s fine.’ They’d finally hit the front of the line. Chris ordered four large coffees and a plate of fried dough. He caught Dani looking at him and shrugged. ‘Can’t resist the fried dough. A few times a year won’t kill me.’
‘Agreed,’ she said, snagging a fried bit of powdered-sugar-coated dough off the end and popping it into her mouth.
Miraculously, one of six small tables had become free and he nodded towards it. ‘Want to sit for a moment?’
‘The mothers …’
‘Are scanning for deals. The coffee will stay hot.’
Dani sat, doctored her coffee with four packs of sugar and a small creamer. She ate another bit of dough.
‘So,’ he said, taking a deep breath. ‘Despite the obvious … life is good?’
She nodded after only a brief hesitation. ‘Yeah.’
He stared at her with those eyes. She noted the fairy rings of bright green around his irises. She’d forgotten about that.
‘That didn’t sound entirely convincing.’
It was her turn to shrug. She touched her topknot and tugged at a small piece of hair. A nervous habit she was entirely aware of and hated with a passion. ‘I guess I just feel in a rut, you know?’
‘I do.’ He ate a piece of dough and watched her but said nothing. She’d forgotten that too. How he always managed to pry things out of her that she never confessed to others.
‘I kept hearing this was a new Chapter in my life. Cut the dead wood, move forward, single woman with a passion for life, blah, blah, blah. And then …’ She laughed so loud she covered her mouth, embarrassed. ‘There’s my mother who’s got me convinced that I’m going to be either an old biddy with a house full of cats or miserable and alone and bitter if I don’t date like … yesterday.’
‘And you think?’
She sighed, taking a piece of the pastry but not eating it. She just held it like a talisman as she told him the absolute truth. ‘I think I need to do something entirely out of character and live something I’d never ever dreamed I would before I date. To be honest—’ She shook her head.
‘What?’
‘You’re like a hypnotist. Somehow, even after all these years, I spill my guts to you.’
He raised his hands palms up and winked. ‘It’s a gift.’
‘An evil gift,’ she said. But she barrelled on. ‘To be honest, I don’t know who I am at the moment. The years with Bob, the marriage ending, it all changed me. New job, no husband, bad years before the divorce was finalised. I’ve changed. I think I’d like to get to know me before I try to get to know someone else. Casual dating, sure. But something steady … not ready.’
‘So you’d like to step outside the box and do something you never thought you’d do?’
She grinned. ‘Yeah, I know it sounds stupid.’
‘Not at all,’ he said.
‘Good.’
‘And I think I might have just the thing for you …’
She opened her mouth to ask what when the mothers descended like two chattering birds. ‘There you are! There’s our coffee!’
Chapter 3 (#u35f8981b-9a28-530a-b419-2c3ac3048b25)
They didn’t get a chance to talk again until the clothing exchange was over. The mothers took over, dragging them along to look at the wares, and Clara kept up a constant chatter, asking Dani a million questions.
When time was called and Dani had packed her chosen items and her mom’s in two separate bags, Chris helped her take the remaining clothes she’d brought that no one had taken and put them in the donation pile by the door. You had a choice: you could take your remaining stuff home or donate to the local clothing drive charity. Dani opted for the second, not wanting to haul the stuff home.
‘Those were some nice clothes,’ he said, eyeing the bags.
‘I’m kind of going for a Feng Shui kind of thing. If I don’t wear it, haven’t worn it in a year, or it doesn’t make me happy, I’m clearing it out. I’d rather they be put to good use.’
Clara and Helen had drifted out to wait in the parking lot, still catching up.
‘Sounds like you know more about yourself than you think,’ Chris said.
‘So tell me!’ she blurted. ‘Tell me what you have in mind. I’m dying to know but with Thelma and Louise hovering we couldn’t talk.’
He chuckled, reached out a hand and brushed a stray piece of hair from her eyes. ‘I told you I teach a night class.’
‘Yes.’ She drew the word out to show her growing impatience. ‘You don’t want me to paint, do you? Because, trust me, I’d be your first failure. I’d make you tear your hair out.’
He shook his head. ‘Nope. I need a model.’
She stood there, unsure of what to do or what to say. ‘A model?’
‘A nude model.’
‘A nude model!’
He pushed his hand over her mouth, laughing. ‘Don’t shout, Dani.’
When she inhaled she could smell the scent of him. It went right to her head like a drug. Chris somehow always managed to smell good. Even in the dreggy, soupy climate of an August in Maryland he’d always smelled good. Nothing had changed.
He looped his arm through hers and tugged her along toward the entrance. But they didn’t go out lest they be set upon by the mothers. That was how Dani was starting to think of them: the mothers. Almost like a horror-movie title. She giggled nervously.
‘Are you insane?’ she hissed by the door as the last of the attendees straggled past.
‘Nope. I’m perfectly sane. Look, you want to do something you’d never do. I need a beautiful model for my students to do a series of poses. It’s perfect. And it pays. You can use the money to restock your closet.’ He winked.
‘I … can’t. I mean … I couldn’t. That would be crazy.’ Her pulse pounded in her throat and she felt like her heart had lodged there.
‘No? See, I think you could.’
‘I …’
‘Just think about it,’ he said. ‘Give me your phone.’
Dani dug it out of her purse and handed it over without comment. He dialled a number and the phone in his pocket rang. He silenced it and then handed hers back.
‘There. Now you’re in my phone and I’m in yours. Just think about it. We can talk if you want. I can explain more.’
‘Christ,’ she said. ‘I’m thirty-two.’
‘You say that like it’s bad,’ he said, shaking his head. Those blue eyes bored into her and she felt naked right then. Was that what it would be like to shed her clothes in front of a bunch of strangers?
‘It’s not young.’
‘It’s not old.’
‘I’m probably not what you’re looking for.’
‘I wouldn’t have asked if that were true. I think not only do you know more about yourself than you think,’ he said, touching her elbow. ‘I think you’re more beautiful than you realise.’
‘Christopher!’
Dani and Chris turned, as if caught misbehaving, to see Clara in the doorway. ‘Let’s go. I told Virginia I’d be there at four. We have to go!’
He rolled his eyes so only Dani could see. Then he leaned in, gave her a quick, warm peck on the cheek and said in her ear. ‘Call me.’
Goosebumps sprang up along her neck from his warm breath and she nodded. It had been her first instinct to turn him down flat, right then, right there. But instead she said nothing. What the hell did that mean? Was she honestly considering standing nude in front of a classroom full of people?
In the car her mother was rummaging through a trash bag of clothing. ‘You should see this sweater I found. Amazing. It’s cashmere.’
‘Goat,’ Dani said, laughing.
‘Don’t be crass.’
‘It is goat!’
‘But cashmere sounds so much nicer, don’t you think?’ Her mother finally located her prize and pulled it out. A medium shade grey sweater with dark-dark red trim at the collar, cuffs and hem.
‘Doesn’t look like something you’d wear,’ Dani said. She turned the car back out onto the main road.
‘It’s not. Good Lord. I got it for you.’ Helen shoved the sweater into her lap as she drove.
‘Thanks for the goat sweater, Mom.’ She tried not to laugh, pressing her lips together in a tight line.
‘Let’s go eat. I’m starving.’
‘Where to?’
‘Bradley’s? I’d like a crab cake. Maybe two. Shopping for bargains makes me hungry.’
‘Too bad you couldn’t find an angora sweater,’ Dani said. ‘Then we’d have goat and rabbit.’ This time she failed to suppress her laughter.
Her mother swatted Dani’s arm. ‘Well, speaking of farm animals, did you see the cow eyes Christopher was giving you?’
Some foreign feeling that Dani couldn’t quite pin down flooded her system. Her ears buzzed slightly and she remembered him brushing that stray wisp of hair back. ‘Mom, Chris and I are just friends. You’re mistaken.’
Her mother snorted. ‘Hardly. I am an expert at spotting a smitten man. Besides,’ she said, rolling down her window just enough to let a little fresh air in, ‘he was madly in love with you in high school. Why should anything change? Clara said he’s single. She worries, you know. All that art, all the drive and fixation. No woman in his life. There was a girl, she said, once, they were together six years or so. She had hopes. Grandbabies, don’t you know. But it fizzled. And then poof!’
‘Poof?’
‘Poof! We run into them today and he’s making cow eyes at you.’
‘What exactly are cow eyes?’ Dani asked. They’d stopped at a red light and her mother took the opportunity to lean in, force her eyes wide and look somehow sorrowful and hopeful at the same time.
Dani barked laughter.
‘Those. Those are cow eyes.’
‘I think I’d remember Christopher looking at me that way. Because I would have run.’
‘Bah,’ said her mother. ‘You’re too wrapped up in denial. You should meet him for a drink,’ she said, helpfully.
‘I might.’ But in her head it was I will. Because I think I’m going to take my clothes off for his class …
* * *
She’d made it through crab cakes with her mother and her monologue about Christopher. Then Dani took her mom home, helped her with her bags and begged off home instead of staying for tea. Her excuse being she had laundry to do for work Monday morning.
It wasn’t a lie. But the solitude and quiet were the most important part. A full-blown introvert, Dani needed to decompress after the crush of people, the two older women, Chris’s proposal and just being around all that energy.
She hauled her bags inside, the cashmere sweater tossed over her shoulder, and dropped the whole shebang down the basement steps. She checked her messages, poured a glass of wine and turned on a cooking show. Something about grilling outside, something she’d never done in her entire life.
Her ironing stood in the corner of her bedroom, beckoning. Usually, she loathed the chore, but it was a necessary evil, at least when it came to work clothes. The doctors she worked for were sticklers about appearance and professionalism. Today, though, it seemed a good thing. She found it, occasionally, to be a Zen kind of activity. A way to clear her head when she was thinking in circles. There wasn’t anything much more straightforward and mundane than ironing. It could be as soothing as it was boring.
She started with her turquoise striped blouse, keeping one eye on the grilling guy on the screen. She abandoned him soon enough, lining up seams, humming, trying to picture herself naked in front of a room full of strangers.
And Christopher, she realised. A small, cool chill shivered up her spine. He’d be there. He’d see her without her clothes. Her old friend, her childhood buddy … that would be … weird.
‘Wouldn’t it, though?’ she mumbled. She caught sight of herself in the large dresser mirror. Standing there behind her ironing board, with a few tendrils of hair coming loose from her knot. Her cheeks were flushed and she looked like a woman who had a secret. Or was about to.
She stepped out from behind the ironing board and removed her boots and socks. After shucking her jeans, she stood there in her grey tunic regarding herself.
‘You’re not nineteen any more,’ she told the woman in the mirror.
But maybe nineteen was overrated. Maybe a thirty-two-year-old single woman who took fairly good care of herself was just fine, thank you very much.
Dani took a breath, pulled the tunic over her head. The heavy silver pendant fell against her chest with a thud. She pulled the periwinkle lace bralette over her head, letting her breasts fall free. Then, without looking at herself, she pushed her panties down and kicked them across the room.
She stood there, staring at herself in the mirror, attempting to see herself as a stranger would. Which was damn impossible, she realised. Impossible to shed her own hangups, worries and criticisms. But she tried.
She struck a pose and then covered her face. Despite being alone she felt the heat in her cheeks. She was blushing. Like an idiot.
Dani squared her shoulders, shook her hair out of its messy knot and fluffed it. Then she stood there, trying to look calm and unassuming as she’d seen nude models do in the movies and on TV. These artists – newbies, unassuming novices, she thought – wouldn’t be painting a pinup model. They’d be painting the nude form in a neutral pose.
She was a bit rounder than she was when she’d run through the woods and gone swimming in the local lake with Chris. Her hips had filled out, flared in a most feminine way. The slight swell of her lower belly seemed ripe and fertile instead of ugly. Her ribs still showed and around them the muscles she’d developed doing God knew how many down-dog poses and planks. Her breasts were still relatively where they belonged. Much fuller and rounder than in her teen years. She smiled, cocked her head. Moved her shoulders so that her collarbone stood out in full relief – the most fetching bone in the entire body, she felt.
‘Not too shabby,’ she whispered.
Her cellphone rang, vibrating in the middle of her bed, and she squealed, covering her breasts as if she’d been caught doing something shameful.
She grabbed it and answered without looking at the caller ID. ‘Hello?’
‘So, have you decided?’ Chris. She could tell just by the way he spoke that he was smiling.
That blush returned in her cheeks as if he could see her here, primping and preening in her mirror while the iron hissed and spat in the corner.
‘I have.’
‘And?’
‘And … I think … yes. But …’
‘But?’
‘But I need to know more. I mean, the details. It will help me decide for certain.’ Her tongue felt too big for her mouth. Her head felt fuzzy and light as if hovering a few feet above her body instead of actually being attached. ‘Can you tell me more?’
‘Sure. Of course. Why don’t we meet for a drink tomorrow? Justin’s on the Water down in Middle River?’
‘What time?’
‘Well, it’s Sunday tomorrow. We could go with the oldster crowd. Early dinner and drinks at threeish?’
‘I’ll be there.’
‘I think it will be good for you,’ he said, his voice deep and comforting.
‘Do you?’
‘I do. An emotional shakeup. Something to make you feel wild and brave and free. Instead of some crazed road trip where you roam the blacktop highways of our great nation, you can just come at night after work and take your clothes off.’
She shook her head. ‘You are so weird, Chris.’
‘Always have been,’ he said. Then he laughed, said goodbye and disconnected.
Dani put on a pair of sweats and a huge Henley that she’d stolen from Bob years before. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and went back to ironing and half listening to the TV grill master. Cinderella back to her scrubbing and mending …
Chapter 4 (#u35f8981b-9a28-530a-b419-2c3ac3048b25)
‘You look lovely,’ he said.
She looked down at the cashmere sweater her mother had snagged for her at the clothing swap. Atop black trousers and ankle boots, it made her look a bit dressed up without having to go all out. ‘My mom found it yesterday. It still had the dry-cleaning tags attached so I figured it was safe to wear.’
He touched the sleeve. ‘The colours work great with your skin tone.’
Despite the chilly weather and the cool breeze coming off the water, they’d opted for the deck. A big gust blew and Dani was grateful she’d decided to pull her hair back in a tight French braid. It blew again and her dangle earrings tinkled.
Chris grinned. ‘Human wind chime.’
The waitress, Cari according to the nametag on her sweatshirt, brought them two glasses of wine and two menus. Dani opened it but didn’t even look; she knew she’d be getting the Chicken Chesapeake. ‘So tell me. What would I do?’
He shrugged, glancing out at the water, his face lit by the softening colours of the sky – gold, pink, light blue. ‘You’d come in. I’d introduce you. You’d remove your robe. Then I’d tell you how to pose and then you just stay there. You just … model.’
Her stomach flipped as if something small and anxious lived within. ‘Utterly nude?’
Chris smiled. ‘Utterly nude. Unless the assignment calls for a drape or similar.’
‘How many nights?’
Cari the waitress returned and they ordered, Dani going with her favourite chicken, Chris opting for the surf and turf. A filet done medium rare and a crab cake. He spun his finger in the air over their drinks and smiled at the young woman. ‘And two more.’
Dani noticed that Cari lingered when taking the menu from him, making sure to brush her fingers against Chris’s.
‘I think you have an admirer,’ she teased.
He shook his head. ‘I think you’re imagining things.’
She opened her mouth to argue but he said, ‘And back to your question. I have a class that meets Monday and Wednesday from six to eight. And a Tuesday/Thursday class that meets six forty-five to eight forty-five. The first class are full-on newbies. Green as green can be. Just learning. The other class is a little more advanced. People who took my beginner class in the past and have returned. These particular courses run only three weeks. Four nights per class.’
‘So two hours a night … nude?’
‘Well, I get them set up, we go over class notes, assignments. I deal with questions and all that good stuff. So I’d say most classes you’d be in the buff maybe an hour to an hour and a half … ish.’
She took a deep breath as their new glasses returned. She’d drunk the first one way too fast because of nerves, but she took a fortifying swig anyway. ‘I feel woozy.’
‘Maybe slow down on the wine.’ He chuckled.
‘No, I feel woozy from thinking of standing there buck naked for that long.’
He touched the top of her hand, his fingertips warm despite the chill. ‘But also excited.’
She considered it. Then she nodded. ‘Yes, but excited. Oddly enough.’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Chris said. ‘It’s a thing. It’s a risk. If you were going to rappel down a cliff face or skydive or do that thing … the line thing.’
‘Zip line?’
‘Yeah. If you were going to do that over a rushing river in the jungle, you’d have that same buzz going on. Fear mixed with excitement and adrenalin. It’s a good feeling to have,’ he said. ‘It lets you know you’re alive. And there’s very little chance you’ll fall to your death while standing naked in a room full of budding art students.’
She hung her head and laughed. ‘True. A much safer way to get that buzz.’
Their food arrived and she took a bite and rolled her eyes, making a noise of pleasure. Then she said what she was thinking the whole time. ‘And you’ll be there?’
His blue eyes widened and then she saw amusement in them. It was almost annoying. That was probably because he’d grown into such a handsome man and he made her feel on edge all by himself. ‘Yeah. I am the teacher, Dani. I will be there.’
‘And you’ll look?’ She felt the heat in her cheeks and focused utterly on her meal as if it were the most amazing thing she’d ever seen.
‘I kind of have to look,’ he said. ‘If I don’t look, I won’t know what kind of job my students are doing. Is that it? Is it me that’s holding you back?’
‘Well, no … and yes. I don’t know. It seems kind of odd you seeing me naked after all these years.’
He shrugged. ‘I’ve seen you naked before.’
‘You have not!’
‘Sure. That last summer before I went off to college. We were changing at the lake to go swimming. You went behind a tree …’
‘You looked!’ she said, mouth hanging open a little. Dani was grateful there was no food in her mouth because she couldn’t seem to close it.
‘Not on purpose at first. We had Luke with us.’
She nodded. Luke had been Chris’s yellow lab. He’d just been a puppy that summer. ‘And? So?’
‘So he took off, probably trying to get to you. I went after him and when I looked up … there you were.’
‘And you kept looking!’ She heard the squeak in her voice and hated it. It had been ages ago. So what if he’d looked.
He grinned at her. It coerced fine lines into existence around his eyes. They made him even more handsome. When had he grown up so much? Had he been this good-looking when they’d been traipsing the woods together? Swimming? Riding their bikes into town to catch a matinee or visit the ice-cream shop?
‘I was seventeen, you were beautiful. I had little self-control. I only looked for a moment. But yeah … I looked.’
‘Oh,’ she said, not sure what else to say. Then to her surprise she said, ‘And?’
Chris shook his head. ‘And what?’
‘And what did you think?’
He sat back in his chair and put his napkin in his lap. He was laughing. ‘Is that a real question?’
‘Yes.’
‘I thought you were magnificent. But Dani, I thought that before I happened to please the gods and they allowed me a glimpse of you without your clothes. I had quite a crush on you back in the day.’
She swallowed hard. Despite food and wine and the glass of iced water that sat in front of her, her throat felt as dry as a desert. ‘You did?’
‘You didn’t know?’
‘No.’
‘That’s because you were all hung up on that guy Good Wood.’
‘Gus Wood,’ she echoed derisively.
‘Whatever.’
‘I had no idea …’ She returned to her chicken, taking small bites, forcing herself to eat.
‘So, what’s the verdict?’
‘The verdict is I’ll do it. When do I start?’
‘Tomorrow night.’
‘Right away!’
‘Yes, right away. I told you I was in a bind. I needed a model. You’re now my model. Fall classes begin tomorrow. See you at six sharp.’
‘I … um …’
He just watched her. His eyes seemed to see right down into her bones. She felt more naked than naked. ‘Um?’
‘Yes,’ she finally said. ‘I’ll be there. I might need a tranquiliser to calm myself down but I’ll be there.’
‘Excellent,’ he said, touching her elbow. Just briefly, but the heat of that single touch snaked up her arm.
Now she was losing it. Getting gaga and goofy over Christopher. Her tomboy buddy. Her swim partner.
The boy that saw you naked and liked it …
She shook the thought off. Was she that desperate for approval that fifteen-year-old admiration could affect her so much? Maybe.
They spent the rest of dinner talking about their moms, the loss of their fathers, and current events. When Dani left she felt a warm glow, not all from the Cabernet; she’d forgotten how easy Chris was to talk to. It was like coming home. Talking to someone who understood you. A very comforting feeling. And a very dangerous one.
‘It’s just a job,’ she told herself as she crawled into bed. ‘Nothing more.’
Chapter 5 (#u35f8981b-9a28-530a-b419-2c3ac3048b25)
It wasn’t easy concentrating on her day job while anticipating her new night gig. She wandered through her day at the office in a sort of daze, trying desperately to imagine what it would actually feel like to take her clothes off and then reveal herself in front of a room full of strangers. In front of Chris – all-grown-up Chris – not young horny Chris.
‘You OK? Your cheeks are red as hell. Coming down with something?’ Cheryl, one of the physicians’ assistants, and Dani’s very best friend, stood in the doorway of her office.
‘I’m fine. Just trying to work the holiday schedule for the part-timers. It’s not easy. I do it early so people can bitch and swap and barter with their days ahead of time.’
It was the truth. The November and December part-time schedule was up on her PC and she was dragging employee names around the board. It was the world’s worst game of solitaire.
‘Want to grab lunch? Just a quickie downstairs in the cafeteria?’
Dani blew out a sigh and nodded. ‘Sure. I could use a break.’
They took the elevator down to the first floor of the medical building. The complex was like a working city of its own. In one large area they housed a tower of doctors of various kinds, a radiation centre, an imaging centre, a cancer centre, a pharmacy and a cafeteria.
Dani ordered a chef salad and Cheryl rolled her eyes. ‘Health nut. I’ll have the turkey, mashed potatoes, veg medley and cheesecake, Dolly.’
Dolly, the cafeteria manager, grinned. ‘There you go. A girl with a good appetite.’
‘Not like Bugs Bunny over here,’ Cheryl said, bumping against Dani playfully.
Normally she’d have laughed. Normally she’d have been tempted by the plate of comfort food. Today she had no appetite and didn’t want to be stuffed full of carbs and gravy when she took her clothes off.
Cheryl managed to snag a table, a true feat given the cafeteria only sported five small tables with two chairs each. ‘So what’s wrong? You look like you saw a ghost.’
‘A ghost of my much younger self,’ she retorted before she could stop herself.
Cheryl raised an eyebrow. ‘Explain.’
‘I’m going to be doing some modelling. Starting tonight.’
‘Oooooh,’ Cheryl drawled. ‘Spill.’
‘An old friend from my neighbourhood when I was growing up …’ It took some effort to swallow the lettuce she’d been chewing. ‘He’s an art teacher. And he needed a model. I ran into Chris the other day while I was out with my mom. He proposed I do the modelling. To shake things up a bit. I was telling my tale of marital woe and dating horrors.’
‘Nice. Naked modelling. Go, you.’
‘You don’t think it’s weird?’
Cheryl shook her head. She cut off a piece of turkey breast and before putting it in her mouth said, ‘Sweetie, one woman’s weird is another woman’s freedom. Not to sound too hippy-dippy but—’
Dani couldn’t help but cut her off with a laugh. Cheryl wore her generic scrubs to work every day but when she wasn’t working she was in hand-tie-dyed yoga pants, long broomstick skirts, festive colourful tunics, Birkenstocks and Buddhist beads. She was like Superman. A mild-mannered physicians’ assistant in the office, a colourful wild child outside of it.
‘Sorry,’ Dani said.
Cheryl winked at her. ‘I know. I am hippy-dippy. You have to do what’s right for you. Screw everyone else. If this calls to you, I say, do it. Shuck your clothes, strut your stuff, have an affair or three.’
‘What?’ Dani yelped. She pushed her salad away. Her appetite had fled.
‘Well, if you’re going to be standing up there naked you might as well do something about it.’
‘That wasn’t my intention. Breaking out of my rut was my intention.’
Eyes twinkling like some fairy godmother with an evil plan, Cheryl said, ‘What better way to break out of your rut than with some hot, sweaty, string-free sex?’
‘I …’ Dani didn’t know what to say. She just shook her head.
‘I know you’re not really looking to date. And you’re definitely not looking for a relationship right now. But who said you have to have either in order to have some fun?’
‘I’m terrified,’ Dani admitted.
‘So,’ Cheryl pointed her fork at Dani’s discarded meal. ‘Is this why the rabbit food?’
‘Mostly because food is repugnant. I’m a ball of anxiety.’
Cheryl waved a hand. ‘Don’t be. Girl, you’re built like a brick shithouse. Sorry. That’s crude, but it’s what my grandmother would have said.’ She chuckled.
‘I’m not skinny,’ Dani said softly.
‘So? Have you ever seen art? I mean real art? Most of those women are not skinny. They’re lush. They’re curvy. They’re spectacular! And so are you.’
‘But magazines, TV, media—’ Dani said, not finishing the sentence.
‘Are all full of shit,’ Cheryl said, finishing where Dani had left off. ‘Look, this is art. That’s advertising. How else are they going to sell us their potions and products if they don’t tell us we’re not good enough? You’re not flawed, baby. You’re an amazing, gorgeous, real woman. I say, go for it. And if you get a chance at some eye-rolling, body-melting, mind-warping sex … go for that too.’
‘I hadn’t even thought of that.’
‘Of course not. That’s what I’m for,’ Cheryl said. She checked her watch. ‘Eat up. We’re back on the clock in ten. And you have a big night ahead of you as a muse. You need your strength.’ She pushed the chef salad back in front of Dani.
Dani did her best, eating as much as she could. She was fine. She was perfect. She was exactly what she was meant to be. New things often threw her off the rails. She’d just breathe and go with it.
* * *
She got a text at five that simply said: See you in an hour J from Christopher.
‘Yes,’ she muttered. ‘Yes, you will. All of me.’
Dani wasn’t dumb. She’d subconsciously chosen a very modest outfit to wear to go to the college. Leggings and a form-fitting white tunic overlaid with another flowing oatmeal-coloured tunic. A long necklace, ankle boots, her hair down free, which would probably be a mistake. When she got nervous she played with it. Obsessively.
She punched Cheryl’s number in and her friend answered on the third ring. ‘There’s the model!’
‘Ugh,’ Dani said. ‘What am I going to do? I think they’ll have me wear my hair down. How am I going to stand still? How am I going to not fidget? You know I’m a fidgeter!’
‘Yes, you are. When you’re stressed at work and in the zone, that leg of yours goes up and down like you’re spurring on some invisible horse.’
Dani moaned and Cheryl laughed. ‘What if I have to pee?’
‘Then tell your old friend you have to pee. Like the book says, everyone pees. OK, it’s everyone poops, but same concept.’
‘This was a stupid idea.’
‘Hush,’ Cheryl said, a bit roughly. Dani took a deep breath and stopped her melodramatics. ‘You just have to be Zen. Breathe. Deep breaths, long exhales. You’ll get into a zone. You will be fine. I have utter faith in you.’
‘That makes one of us.’
‘Did you at least eat something so you don’t pass out?’
‘I had a smoothie.’
‘Well, there, that’s plenty.’ The sarcasm in Cheryl’s voice was thick enough to cut with a knife.
‘It was a protein smoothie.’
‘Better but still …’
‘I cannot eat. I’ll vomit. I’ll die. I’ll …’
‘You’ll snap out of it and go do this thing. Look,’ Cheryl said on a sigh, ‘you wouldn’t have had the instinct to say yes if this wasn’t something you wanted. Now the trick is to own it. You’re talking yourself out of it. Instead of should-ing all over yourself you’re shouldn’t-ing all over yourself. Knock it off.’
‘Shouldn’t-ing?’
‘Yeah. You’re giving yourself every reason in the world not to do it. Flip it around. Give yourself every reason in the world to go through with it. Why’d you say yes in the first place?’
‘Because it’s something I’ve never done.’
‘And?’
‘And that’s exactly what I wanted. Something I’d never do. I want to do something I’d never do. Get that rush. Take a chance.’
‘Then stop whining and do it.’
She could tell her friend was smiling and then Dani found herself smiling. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry. Thanks for talking me off the ledge. I’d better go soon. I’ll text you later. Let you know how it was.’
‘The hell you will! You’ll call me and let me know how it was.’
‘Deal,’ Dani said. Then she cut the call, grabbed her bag and headed out. Every time a stab of anxiety lanced through her, she shut it down. She breathed, she focused and she muttered over and over, ‘This will be fine … this will be good … you can do this.’
She threw in an ‘Om’ for good measure.
Chapter 6 (#u35f8981b-9a28-530a-b419-2c3ac3048b25)
Dani hovered there in the doorway. Christopher looked up and smiled. He said something to a student, patted the young man’s shoulder, and headed her way. ‘There you are.’
‘Here I am.’
‘Nervous?’ He gave her a quick hug. ‘Never mind. Don’t answer. You’re stiff as a board and practically vibrating. I’ll take that as a yes.’
‘Extremely,’ she said anyway.
‘You’ll be fine.’ He kissed her forehead and that small gesture calmed her raging nerves a little. ‘Be right back,’ he said.
He came back with a brightly patterned patchwork kimono. ‘Ladies’ room is down on the right. You can just slip into this and come back when you’re ready. We have a few things to go over before we start.’
‘Everything?’ she asked. Her breath came in little fits. Her heart banged like an angry creature caged in her chest.
He gave her a half smile. ‘Everything.’
She sighed. ‘Is this … clean?’
He chuckled. ‘It is. I take it home at the end of each semester and wash it thoroughly.’
‘Once a semester!’
He tried not to laugh and failed. ‘I take it home every week. Or I let the model take it home and launder it. It’s only going to be you wearing it, you can be in charge or I can. But I assure you, it’s clean.’
‘Sorry. I’m being a bit … obsessive. I’ll go change.’
He gave her a small squeeze and let her go. ‘Just breathe. This is going to be good. You’re going to do great.’
In the ladies’ room she stood inside a stall and manoeuvred out of her clothes. All that work choosing her sleek, modest outfit and she was stripping naked in a forest-green cubicle while trying not to drop her shoes in the toilet. She folded everything with shaking fingers and stuffed it into the empty canvas tote bag she’d brought. When she was naked, she took a big deep breath, shut her eyes and willed her body to calm down. An electric current seemed to be running beneath her skin. She was electric. Alive.
‘Alive,’ she muttered. ‘Remember that. This is the feeling before a big step. Before taking a chance. This is good.’
It dawned on her that, despite her near terror, she still wanted to do it. Something about baring herself fully in front of strangers was intoxicating.
‘Right,’ Dani muttered. She pulled on the oversized kimono, wrapped it tight around her and held it with one hand. She grabbed her bag and her tote with the other and left the stall. She spared herself one glance in the bathroom mirror as she left. Her cheeks blazing with blush, her hair down and full and slightly windblown. Her eyes startled and shiny with a mix of anxiety and what could only be described as arousal.
‘Here we go,’ she told the woman in the mirror and then she left the small room and padded down the hall to Chris’s classroom.
* * *
Christopher was just wrapping up his welcome speech when she entered. He smiled, waved a hand at her and said, ‘This, class, is your first assignment. This is my friend Dani. Dani will be your nude model tonight. I want to get her set up quickly because you’ll need the majority of class to get your sketch down and then you can fiddle with it.’
Someone in the class laughed and Dani felt the blush in her cheeks bleed down to her chest. She had the urge to laugh or maybe cry. She definitely had the instinct to run. Somehow she managed to tamp it down and tune back into what Chris was saying.
‘Obviously, it will depend on how many of you have complete or nearly complete works by the end of class. If we need to set her up in the same pose next time we will. If not, we’ll move forward. Dani,’ he said, addressing her. He wore that small calming smile she remembered from her youth. Somehow, no matter what they were about to do – diving into a swimming hole rumoured to be the home of water snakes, racing downhill on their bikes at Turner’s Twister, a particularly challenging twist of country road, or egging houses the last Halloween before he left for college – his smile had always acted as a soothing balm on her worry. ‘This is the class. If for any reason you need to take a break, you just say my name. Other than that, you just do your best to stay as I position you.’
Dani nodded, not trusting her voice.
He moved towards her and an interesting thing happened. Maybe not interesting, she thought wildly, more like unanticipated. Between her thighs she went damp. So fast and so much she worried that the students would see. So much that she felt an urgent need to be touched. Or touch herself.
Great …
Because that was the moment Christopher reached her and said, ‘Can you drop your robe, please?’
For a split second it was only them in the room. Time stood still and he was asking her to disrobe for him. And him alone.
She shook her head and his forehead crinkled. He didn’t know she was shaking her head at her own internal ramblings. So, to clear things up, she took an enormous breath, blew it out and opened the kimono. Then she let it fall free of her body.
Cool air kissed her skin. Her nipples pebbled instantly. She saw Christopher register it. His expression changing, his pupils dilating. But then he retrained his gaze to her face and smiled. He arranged her to his liking. A not too difficult pose to hold. One hip cocked just so, her right hand at her side, her left on her hip. Her head slightly tilted.
The wetness at the apex of her thighs had turned to a steady thumping pulse that matched her pounding heart. She bit her lip, trying not to focus on the fact that her body apparently thought there was sex to be had.
Then she tried Cheryl’s advice. She went Zen. She thought of one of her favourite things. Falling leaves. The weather outside had turned. The leaves had changed to golden honey tones, vibrant reds and spectacular shades of orange. She pictured a single leaf in her mind and studied it. The different shades, the sombre hues, the veins …
She was vaguely aware of Christopher walking back to his desk. Of him urging the class on and making a joke that he was now going to tackle a mountain of paperwork. And that at the one-hour mark they’d allow a fifteen-minute break for Dani to stretch and walk around.
Her anxiety morphed into calm. Her instinct to flee changed to a heavy kind of patience. She stood there, focused inward, aware that they were all looking at her body. Studying it. Putting it down on paper.
It’s sort of like being immortalised. The thought flickered through her mind and then she let it go.
She could do this. She was doing this.
* * *
Dani felt eyes on her. Of course she did. Many, many eyes. But when she’d come back from her fifteen-minute break a bit calmer, not so incredibly freaked out by the exposure of the whole situation, she felt a particular set of eyes.
Chris had asked her not to make eye contact. To try and act as if the class wasn’t there at all. ‘Look off into the distance like the maidens in the classic works of art,’ he’d said with a small smile.
She’d snorted with amusement. To even try and put herself in that category, even to get into a mindset, was laughable.
Chris tugged a piece of her hair and she heard herself gasp like a scandalised maiden. ‘You can do it,’ he said, ‘You know what I mean.’
He’d gone back to the classroom then, leaving her in the hall to walk and stretch her muscles. She touched the end of that lock of hair, feeling the surge of heat and pain and then the little blip of pleasure all over again. He hadn’t tugged her hair in … too many years to count.
Back in the classroom she’d kept her eyes pinned to that land of far off. She occasionally glanced at Chris but he was studiously not looking at her. Was that for her comfort or because he didn’t want to see? She had no idea.
When she became aware of what felt like a steady, intense gaze boring into her, the fine hairs along her arms stirred. She used all her self-control not to look, until finally she did. All the crazy stuff Cheryl had said to her about affairs and no strings and all that madness had come back to her. She looked. She couldn’t stand it.
Man bun was staring.
She blinked slowly and then tried to pull her gaze back from his. It was almost impossible. Dark-brown eyes, so dark they seemed like they could swallow her up. His equally dark hair was tied up at the back in a modern day hipster samurai bun. She should have found it amusing. He was probably five or six years her junior. But the whole package – the broad shoulders, the bun, the liquid ink eyes, and then he tossed in a half-smile – was pretty spectacular.
He cocked an eyebrow at her and she was severely aware of that wetness between her thighs returning. With a vengeance.
Chapter 7 (#ulink_384c6fb1-8d29-5278-9003-04f1f3ffd148)
She was almost out the door, on her way to her car. Dani had a hankering for a big-ass glass of wine, hell, maybe a bottle. The adrenalin rush had reemerged when she’d been told to put her clothes back on. She’d done it. She had actually fucking done it. She found herself clutching her tote bag and her purse with trembling fingers and her legs felt made of wet spaghetti.
‘Hello?’
She turned, one hand rising to her chest to cover her thumping heart, because this hall had no other classes this evening and he’d scared the hell out of her.
Man bun.
‘Um … oh, hi. Sorry, you scared me.’
‘Sorry.’ He shoved his hands into the pockets of his faded skinny jeans. No doubt very expensive jeans that were manipulated and abused to look as if they’d received years of steady use to make them soft and distressed. ‘Wasn’t my intention.’
She nodded, waiting, heart now pounding like some wild tribal drum. What was this?
‘I don’t usually do this …’ He trailed off. She saw, despite his confident personal fashion and roguish straying eyebrow, he was rather shy.
‘Do what?’ she prompted.
He chuckled. It was a lovely self-deprecating, deep sound. ‘Confuse women in the hallway.’ He sighed, leaning against a locker and regarded her. ‘What I meant to say is I don’t usually see women out of their clothes until after I’ve asked them out. This time I’m reversing it. Asking out a woman I’ve already seen out of her clothes.’
‘You don’t know my name,’ she said, stupidly.
‘You could fix that. You could tell me.’
‘Dani,’ she said. ‘Dani Young.’
‘Kevin Buck,’ he said, holding out a hand. ‘But I did know your name, remember? The prof told us.’
She took it but a small laugh escaped her. She had forgotten. Entirely. ‘Buck?’
He nodded, eyes shining with amusement. ‘Yep. Buck. I’ve gotten them all. Young Buck, Don’t give a Buck, Quick Buck …’
‘I’m sorry.’ She shook and released, uncomfortable with how much she liked the feel of his hand on hers. ‘I’ve just never heard that name before. I wasn’t making judgement. Sorry about the names too …’
He shook his head, took a step back as if to show her how harmless and charming he was. ‘No big deal. It could have been worse. A lot worse. So about that proposal of mine …’
‘Going out?’
‘A drink maybe?’
‘When?’ Had she just asked when? She’d meant to say no.
‘Wednesday after class?’
Dani swallowed hard. Cheryl’s voice was echoing in her head. Her encouragement to explore. When she opened her mouth again she heard herself say, ‘Yes. Sure. That’s great.’
He nodded – it was nearly a bow – and the samurai bun bobbed. She smiled. A few small tendrils had escaped, and she imagined he liked it like that, but she had the urge to tuck them back into the artfully messy mass he’d created. And to see if his hair was as soft as it looked.
Instead, she pushed her hands into her jacket pocket and said, ‘I’ll see you at class, then.’
‘Absolutely,’ he said. ‘Maybe when I’m done I can show you my sketch of you.’
‘Oh, I don’t think I want to see that.’
There went that errant eyebrow again.
She cleared her throat. ‘What I mean is, I don’t want to see myself. It makes me … twitchy. There’s a better chance I’ll stick with this if I don’t see myself. If I see myself on paper from someone else’s perspective … I’d probably not like it. It would probably upset me.’
Why was she telling him this? Nerves. It was the only answer she had.
He moved a little closer and brushed her shoulder with his palm. ‘It makes me sad to hear that. Maybe one day you’ll change your mind,’ he said. ‘You’re spectacular.’
The next thing she knew she was pushing out into the chilly night. It felt like they’d get their first frost. Dani watched her breath make ghosts in the darkness as she exhaled. She’d survived her first class and man bun, aka Kevin, had asked her out.
‘Not too shabby,’ she whispered.
* * *
He was painting her. Kevin Buck. With his dark, mussed man bun and his bottomless gaze. But not on paper. Not on canvas. He was painting her. He had his tongue tucked between his teeth as he worked. Every time the slick cool smear of paint touched her skin, followed by the kiss of a red sable brush, she had to suppress a shiver. But worse than that, every stroke he laid down on her skin as he worked acted as a bellows to the heat that was growing between her legs. Dani shifted just a little and he said softly, ‘Stay still, Dani.’
The paint whirled around her nipple. Which instantly stiffened and went insane. The flesh wanting to tingle and ache all at the same time. She squeezed her thighs together and that only made it worse. Vibrant cobalt blue began to cover that small halo of flesh. He dipped, he swirled, he dipped, he swirled, and she found she couldn’t catch her breath.
‘I told you that you were spectacular,’ Kevin said, grinning. Now a small paintbrush was clamped between his white teeth. Teeth, she noticed, that were just crooked enough to be adorable and charming.
He found a larger brush, examined it and nodded as if it pleased him. She managed a small sip of air, enough to steady her buzzy head a little.
The large brush made bright streaks of cool orange paint down from just below her blushing-blue breast and towards her navel. Her stomach muscles trembled and he didn’t say a word. It was obvious she had no control over something as instinctive and primitive as that tremble.
He painted past the shallow divot of her belly button and the thick streak landed right above her mound.
Is he going to paint my pussy? … is he going to stroke that over my clit? … is he going to? … is he going to?
The words were a runaway freight train running through her mind. She bit her tongue and tried to keep her focus.
‘Your colour balance is off,’ said a voice.
They both looked up to find Chris there. She nearly died. The heat between her thighs became liquid and uncontrollable. Now he was here. Watching. Watching Kevin paint her … literally.
Kevin stopped and stared at his instructor. ‘I disagree.’
‘She should be in reds and golds, maybe a touch of copper. It matches who she is.’
‘I think this matches who she is.’
‘She looks like a clown fish.’
Kevin frowned. She said nothing. Her head whipped back and forth as if watching a tennis match. When Chris stepped forward and selected his own brush, all the air she had managed to keep in her lungs fled.
Chris took his brush and it came up crimson and spread the paint, slick and cool, around her other nipple. The lick of the brush was a trailing comet of pleasure. He took his time, face serious, brow furrowed as he painted out in ever widening circles. When her breast was nearly rimmed in red, he changed brushes and painted a trim of gold whirls. He too went and chose a larger brush, as her chest rose and fell in fits and starts from trying to breathe.
Copper gleamed thick and shimmering on the paintbrush. He started at the top of her thigh, bringing his lines up to kiss the V of her thighs. Dani’s body jerked of its own accord and for a moment their eyes met. Those blue eyes of his seemed to see right down into the flaming centre of her. The part of her that wanted, one of them, either of them, hell, both of them, to dip that brush between her thighs. To paint the part of her that screamed the most for contact.
Instead he curled his painted feathering line up her belly to meet the crimson and gold at her breast.
Dani thought they’d pushed her as far as she could go until Chris dropped his brush and squatted down in front of her. His torso facing her bare sex, his face close to her naked breasts, cloaked in nothing but thin cold layers of drying paint.
‘Your brush strokes are messy,’ he said to Kevin.
Kevin cocked his head, frowned, his samurai bun momentarily disturbed by the movement. Chris traced a large fingertip around the brush strokes that dotted Dani’s nipple. That already tight knot of flesh grew tighter still. Surely it would crack the paint, she thought wildly.
His fingertips ran along the seams of the blue that adorned her left breast. When he started to travel the trail of the screaming orange she saw white spots dance in her eyes. Inside her, everything clenched. Everything grew wetter. Everything screamed for that finger to travel all the way to its ultimate – most coveted – destination.
His fingertips licked the top of her thigh, stopping where the paint ended. His bright-blue gaze was on her again and he smiled. ‘You should paint her the way she deserves to be painted. Like the art she is.’ Then he dragged his finger down between her legs and slipped it over that swollen, hard part of her that needed his touch more than she needed air to breathe.
Dani woke tangled in her sheets, panting, her hand shoved firmly between her thighs. Her arousal, while she slept, had reached a feverish level. As the sun came up slowly, turning the light in her room from purple to periwinkle to smoky grey, she slid her trembling fingers over her clit. Abandoning that when it didn’t feel big enough, bold enough. She pushed two fingers inside herself, grinding her clit against her palm as she hooked and curled her fingers. Finally, on the brink of dying or coming, she found her clit with her other hand and with just a few gentle strokes (like the kiss of a paintbrush), she came.
‘Jesus,’ she said to the ceiling. ‘Fuck.’
* * *
‘What happened to you?’ Cheryl was leaning in her doorway, arms crossed, smirk on her face.
‘What?’ Dani finished her coffee, studying the liquid intently so as to avoid looking at her friend.
‘You look like you got slapped. Twice.’ She laughed and touched a fingertip to each of her cheeks to indicate where she meant.
Dani instantly pressed her palms to her cheeks. They were warm. Of course they were warm! She’d been sitting here trying to place a paper fucking towel order for the restrooms and instead reliving her vivid, lascivious sex dream that involved not one but two men. One of them her old friend who’d been more like a brother to her.
‘Oh.’
‘Oh? That’s it?’
‘That’s it.’
‘Did you get laid?’ Cheryl stage-whispered as she stepped inside and closed the office door.
‘No!’
‘Hmm. You sure look like you got laid.’
‘Nope.’
Cheryl kept her blue-grey eyes trained on Dani until she started to squirm. She was like an inquisitor. It was unbearable. Finally, Dani waved a hand and blurted, ‘I had a sexy dream. That’s all. I had a sex dream. I’m a teenage boy, sue me!’
Cheryl leaned against the door. Her eyes were shining in that way that meant she smelled gossip. Dirt. The goods.
‘Tell me,’ she said, sitting down in one of Dani’s two visitor chairs.
Dani leaned back in her chair and sighed. ‘I’m supposed to be doing … this …’ She waved a hand at the mess of papers on her desk and her humming computer.
‘Take a break from that and tell me what prompted zis zex dream,’ she said, steepling her fingers. ‘How does it make you feel?’
‘Well, Dr Freud …’ Dani riposted. Then she shook her head. ‘It was nothing. Just mental junk floating through my head while I slept. Stress, worry, thrill, Kevin Buck. Whatever.’
Cheryl held up a hand, eyes comically wide. ‘Did you say … Kevin Buck?’
Dani was unable to suppress a small giggle. ‘Yep.’
‘What on earth is a Kevin Buck and where did you get one?’
‘Kevin Buck is a student in the Monday-night class. He asked me out for a drink after tomorrow night’s class.’
‘Is he a …’ Cheryl looked at the ceiling as if steeling herself. ‘Young buck?’
Then her head tipped back and she was laughing, trying to suck in air. Dani, sleep-deprived and still shellshocked from her dream, couldn’t help but join in, gave into her own laughter. ‘Actually, he is. I think he’s a few years younger than me.’
‘What’s he look like?’ Cheryl was leaning on her desk now, a stack of colourful sticky notes trapped beneath her crossed arms. ‘Spill. I’m old, I’m married and I need the mental fodder.’
‘First off, I call him man bun.’
‘Ooh, he has the man bun. This is good. Go on.’
‘Dark hair, dark eyes, dark stubble. Tall, lanky but muscled, well built, great smile, nice, funny. You know, typical guy who’d make your shoes melt if he asked you out.’
‘And he did. He did ask you out!’ Cheryl crowed.
‘He did. And I said no.’
Cheryl’s face fell.
‘At first. Then I said yes. We’re going out tomorrow after class.’
‘Good, this is excellent. Good for you, Dani!’
Dani glanced at the clock. ‘If we’re going to waste time, we might as well go eat. I’m not super productive as it is. I feel bad using work time to gossip.’
‘Let’s go. Early lunch, then. It’s slow today. Three cancellations and it was a light day to begin with.’
Together they rode the elevator down and headed to the cafeteria. ‘You know I have sex dreams,’ said Cheryl. ‘Usually about Paul, but sometimes not. Sometimes it’s that strapping, deep-voiced Idris Elba. Sometimes, it’s that guy who plays Sherlock. The one who looks like the human embodiment of a bored feline. Weird name. Anyway, in this one, he takes this ribbon and—’
‘Ah!’ Dani said. ‘TMI, Cheryl. TMI!’
Cheryl frowned. ‘Oh, come on.’
They entered the cafeteria, ordered their food and found a table. ‘Just let me learn to digest my own sex dreams before I have to digest yours.’
‘Fine, fine,’ Cheryl mumbled. ‘But you never told me what it was. What happened?’
Dani stirred her chicken noodle soup and stalled by crumbling crackers into it. Finally, Cheryl had had enough. She took the final pack, smashed it by squeezing it in her fist and dumped it in. ‘Tell.’
‘He painted me.’
Her friend shook her head. ‘He painted you? So? Isn’t he painting you in class?’
Dani shook her head. ‘No, he’s drawing me in class. And I meant, he painted me. He painted my body with paint using a paintbrush. And he … strayed dangerously close to highly sensitive areas.’ Her phone buzzed.
‘Oh … sexy painting. I get it. Cool. He painted you and?’
Dani’s phone buzzed again. She held up a finger and answered. ‘Hello?’
‘Hey, it’s Chris.’
Her face was suddenly on fire. Her pulse a wicked thump and bang in her veins. She could feel it in the very centre of her forehead, a thrumming rush.
‘Hi.’ God, her voice was breathy. Weak. Maidenly.
‘Hey,’ Chris said. ‘Just making sure you’re still coming tonight. That you didn’t get home and decide I was insane to suggest it and you were equally insane to accept.’
Momentarily speechless, Dani was focused on the thoughts running through her mind. The first being: You should paint her the way she deserves to be painted. Like the art she is … What he’d said about her in her filthy, filthy dream.
The other followed swiftly: He sat and watched you stand there nude last night. Utterly naked. Without a stitch of clothing …
‘Hello? Dani?’
Cheryl was watching her, an avid look on her face. She could smell the drama, Dani was sure.
‘Yes. Sorry. I’m here. And yes, I’ll be there. I don’t think you’re insane. The verdict is still out on me, though.’ She forced a laugh and cringed to hear the vaguely lunatic tone of her laughter.
‘Good. I’ll see you then. You did great last night. Spectacular. You looked amazing, Dani,’ he said. A few beats of silence while she tried to prompt herself to thank him but failed. Then he cleared his throat. ‘OK, then. I’ll see you tonight. New class. They’re going to love you too.’
She managed a strangled ‘OK’ and then ‘bye’ and then he was gone.
‘So who was that?’
‘Chris. The friend of mine who thought up this whole crazy thing. He teaches the art class.’
Cheryl sat back looking very smug. ‘Friend?’
Dani nodded, stirring her soup but not actually eating it. ‘Yep. Since we were teenagers. Grew up in the same neighbourhood.’
‘Just friends?’
‘Yes.’ Her tongue sort of stuck to the roof of her mouth so she took a sip of water. Then another.
‘So why are you blushing like a virginal bride?’
‘I’m not.’
‘Oh, darling. You are.’
‘He’s just a friend. I swear.’
Cheryl made a noncommittal noise. ‘Not sure I buy that. I think someone might be hot for teacher.’
Dani decided that telling her friend that Chris had also had a starring role in her dream would be a very bad idea. She stirred her soup and sipped her water until it was time to go back upstairs to her office. She just had to get through the day and then not freak out when she saw Chris. No big deal, really. The dream hadn’t meant anything. Her mother had always called dreams ‘psychic junk’. Whatever was floating around in your subconscious that day came out to play when you slept. A great big amusement park of debris and detritus that made up one giant vat of nonsense soup.
She’d always believed that. She still did. Mostly.
Chapter 8 (#ulink_80a647b3-fbd1-5b1a-8eb2-ef488e695f5c)
Dani was running late. Her boot heels tapped out a hurried rhythm on the tile as she raced toward the classroom. She couldn’t find her keys when it came time to leave the house and had finally, after much swearing and panic, found them under her purse instead of in the bowl by the door where she normally kept them.
Chris was speaking to his Tuesday-night class when she rushed in. He looked up, surprised but not annoyed, and then a strange look passed across his face like a cloud blocking out the sun for a moment.
‘Sorry,’ she said, softly. ‘I had a snafu. If you could just give me my—’
He went to the brass coat rack by his desk and pulled the kimono down. ‘Class, this is Dani Young, our model for tonight. When you sketch her, I expect you to catch the roses in her cheeks from running.’ He handed her the robe and stroked a fingertip along the jut of her cheekbone. Then he winked at her and said softly, ‘You’re fine. Go change.’
She nodded, clutching the robe, and hurried off to the restroom to change into, well, nothing.
This was a hell of a way to not be nervous, she thought. Be late. Be more upset that you’re tardy than that you have to reveal all your secret bits to another group of strangers. But the fact that she wasn’t very nervous about that at all, was in fact more nervous about seeing Chris after that stupid dream, made the night seem even more surreal than the previous class.
She walked into tonight’s class. Brand-new faces regarded her. Some interested, some slightly embarrassed, some bored. Tonight she was able to meet eyes and size people up. She didn’t think the Zen thing would be necessary this time but took a deep breath just in case.
‘I’ll show you your pose, Dani,’ Chris said, rising from his seat. ‘I try to mix things up,’ he said as he got closer.
She caught a whiff of his aftershave. Woodsy and subtle. It filled her senses for a split second and the fine hairs on her arm rose up. Chris was manipulating her arms as she stood there utterly nude and to her surprise he spotted that detail. ‘Cold?’ he whispered so the class couldn’t hear.
His hot breath moved across her skin as he spoke and her nipples spiked, hard and sensitive before she could even begin to will them not to. As if that were possible.
Lying was the best option. ‘A little,’ she whispered.
He nodded, moved her hands so that her right hand clasped her left wrist, almost obscuring her sex from the viewers. He took his fingertips and tilted her head just so. ‘I’ll turn the heat up a little bit. I know this pose is a tiny bit awkward, I try to make them simple, not just for them, but for you, as well. Just do your best, OK?’
She almost nodded and caught herself. ‘OK,’ she said softly.
All she wanted was for him to move away from her and fast. Her body, the traitor that it was, seemed to be recalling every vivid detail from her dirty dream. His close proximity was spurring her body to lubricate and she could feel an anticipatory tremble starting. Hopefully if he noticed that he’d assume it was nerves.
Finally, thank God, he walked away. Her gaze followed him. He wore faded jeans and a cream-coloured sweater. His dark hair was just a bit tousled, a light five o’clock shadow was blooming on his jaw. Though he’d left, the scent of him lingered around her. Her best option was to simply not breathe.
That worked for about thirty seconds until her head started to feel buzzy. To distract herself, Dani turned her attention to the class. There was the hippy-dippy lady in the back. She was decked out in tie-dyed yoga pants, long silver-blonde dreadlocks, a flowy purple tunic and enough jewellery to sink a rowboat. She smiled at Dani when she caught her eye. Dani smiled back but only for a moment.
Next to the tie-dyed lady sat a very thin young man who was dressed all in black. He had an undercut and eyeliner. His lips were so red she thought for a moment he was wearing lipstick, but then she realised those were just his lips. Lucky boy, she thought. I’d save a million dollars on lipstick if my lips were that colour …
She let her gaze ping from one to the next. An uptight-looking woman dressed in classic office attire. Khaki pants, a button-down white shirt, small earrings, sensible heels. Next to her was …
The silver fox.
The thought popped into her head the second she saw him. He was broad and well-muscled but not gym-pumped. His hair was close cut, silver at the temples and some through the top. He had a five o’clock shadow like Chris but it was also shot with an almost metallic colouring. He had big blue eyes, she could see that from here. And when her eyes settled on him, she found he was looking at her. Intently. Definitely sketching her, she could see his hand moving, but the gaze held much much more than artistic interest.
Something low in her stomach tumbled to life and her nipples, which had calmed down since Christopher’s retreat, went tight and tender all over again.
Damn.
He gave her a tiny incline of his head as greeting. Acknowledging her awareness with his own. Dani looked away. Let her gaze skip to the next person in his row. A large man who looked like a long-haul trucker. Now that was interesting. She suppressed a smile. Unlike the silver fox he was all bulk – wide shoulders, a body to match. He wore a concert T-shirt beneath a huge flannel shirt that was completely unbuttoned. Baggy jeans and work boots, complete with a trucker’s cap. His leg bounced up and down, up and down, vigorously as he worked. His tongue peeked from between his lips in concentration.
The amusement grew. She found it interesting and wonderfully distracting to see the various kinds of people in Chris’s classes. Maybe it was true that the heart of an artist lived in us all.
She startled slightly when Chris called for a break. He nodded to her as she moved, letting her stiff muscles flex. To clear her head, Dani wandered the halls sipping water before returning.
Chris was talking to a student, standing behind the woman, pointing at the sketch pad she’d been working on. She heard random words. ‘The fall of her hair’, ‘muscle structure’, ‘side swell of her breast’. That one made her blush. She shut her eyes for a moment, willing the heat not to invade her face but that was a bad move. She was immediately back with the two men, poised in front of her, paintbrushes in hand, swirling cool paint over the halos of her nipples, down her skin, towards the desperate place between her thighs.
‘… now Dani … Dani?’
She opened her eyes. Blinked. ‘Sorry?’
‘If you could take your place now. We’ll do about twenty more minutes then I want to go over your work with you and fill you in on some of our upcoming assignments.’
She nodded, went back to the stool which she didn’t use. She simply stood in front of it, dropped her robe and tried to recall her position. She glanced up to find the silver fox watching her. There went that thing in her stomach again. There was something entirely intoxicating about looking at a man and being able to see his desire for you blatantly painted across his face.
Christopher walked quickly to her, put his hand on her skin. Her breath hitched but she tried to cover it with a cough. ‘It was a little awkward. Let me help.’ He arranged her like his own personal doll. Painted doll … her mind quickly supplied. When she was posed so that he was pleased, he went back to his desk.
Dani saw him grab his pencil and saw him scratching at his own pad again. Was he sketching her just like the class? It had never occurred to her that Chris would be drawing her. She’d just expected strangers, not him. But did it matter? Her mind prattled on, with nothing to do besides stand there and think in circles. Did it matter if he was sketching her when she was standing there buck naked for everyone to see?
A bizarre thought popped into her head. What if these people had taken pictures surreptitiously of her with their phones? Did she really want her naked form floating around on the internet? For a few hundred dollars a week?
Panic flared in her chest and she focused on breathing. Chris wouldn’t let that happen. He’d never in a million years put her in that position. But what if he didn’t know?
She felt her fingers twitching of their own accord though her limbs felt numb from her blossoming anxiety.
She thought at any moment she’d just start screaming. Screaming like a lunatic. Wailing about phones and perverts and permission. She nearly wept with relief when Chris stood and said, ‘I’ll be right back. I need to walk Dani out. Let’s give her a hand, people. It takes a brave person to stand in front of a bunch of strangers and bare it all.’
The whole class started to clap and she thought she might actually drop dead right there from embarrassment. Never had she wanted to see a floor crack open and swallow her up the way she did at that moment. Hurrying, Dani pulled her robe on and grabbed her bags. She glanced back and found the silver fox watching her.
What would he think if he knew she’d named him that in her head? He smiled at her and she found herself smiling back. He had a nice smile. Something told her he might not mind her chosen moniker at all.
Chris followed her out in the hall and barely got his mouth open to speak before she grabbed his arm, her panic flaring again, and growled, ‘Phones!’
‘Phones?’ He put a steadying hand on her shoulder and her worry was great enough to allow her to ignore his familiar touch, even though the only thing separating that hand and her skin was a robe so thin it was nearly transparent.
‘Their. Phones.’ She shook her head, knowing she was making very little sense, but she couldn’t seem to get a full thought out.
His laughter was so unexpected she had the irrational urge to smack him. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, catching the look and backing up a step. He raised his hands like he was under arrest. ‘I’m sorry. Jesus, I forgot to tell you that part. Is that why you looked like that towards the end?’
‘Just your average raging panic attack,’ she said, her mouth a tight line. So tight and tense it made her jaw ache. ‘Ya know. Irrational fear, the urge to scream and scream and scream … no biggie.’ She crossed her arms under her breasts because it made her feel secure – less naked – more powerful.
He shook his head and put his arm around her. Which was no big deal, she reminded herself. He’d done it all the time when they were young and bumming around. ‘Sorry, Dani. Jesus. I’m an ass. I take their phones at the beginning of class. I put them in a basket and lock it in the supply closet. Then I pay attention during class. Just to make sure. I get it. I would be worried too if the absent-minded professor had forgotten to tell me that little tidbit.’
She exhaled slowly. Then inhaled deeply and did it again. ‘OK, my heart has stopped racing now.’
He gave her a squeeze and she hugged him back briefly. ‘You’ll be here tomorrow for my other class, right?’
‘I will.’
‘You’re doing great. You’re beautiful.’
‘It’s still weird,’ she said, looking at her bare feet, trying to ignore the ‘beautiful’ comment. A chill rushed up her spine and she shivered.
‘Of course it is. It would be weird if you didn’t think it was weird.’ He caught the shiver. ‘And it’s cold in here. Go get dressed. I’ll see you tomorrow, OK?’ He kissed her forehead briefly. No big deal, she reminded herself.
‘I’ll be here.’
He paused on his way to the door. ‘You sure you’re OK?’
‘I just didn’t sleep well. I’m fine.’
‘I hear you,’ Chris said. ‘I had weird dreams all night.’
You and me both, buddy.
‘And no rest for the wicked tonight.’ He checked his watch while she tried not to admire the thickness of his forearm or how the muscles flexed just beneath the skin.
‘What do you mean?’ She rubbed her feet together. Wanting so badly to get dressed but not wanting to walk away from him just yet.
‘After this I have a date. I don’t know what I was thinking. When class is over I’m usually pretty pooped. But what’s a single guy to do, right?’
‘Right,’ she sighed. ‘See you tomorrow.’
She hurried to the bathroom, put her clothes back on and then returned to the classroom and draped the robe across the doorknob. No need to interrupt him. He had to wrap class up so he could go on his date.
Chapter 9 (#ulink_855717e7-7292-56ff-aebb-9fe7ad0731fd)
They were back. She sat there trembling. Utterly naked. A feeling Dani was getting used to. Only this time Kevin Buck stood to her left and Christopher stood to her right. Buck holding a paintbrush still dotted with cobalt blue. Chris’s stubbornly showing streaks of thick crimson. Her breath stuttered when the silver fox, whose name she didn’t know, came forward brandishing his own thick brush. A medium-sized red sable brush with absolutely no paint on it.
‘You’re both doing it wrong,’ he said with confidence.
His voice was rich and deep and seemed to snake around her body, stroking her skin until goosebumps stood up, rigid little peaks of anticipation on her skin.
He stepped between the younger men and with his knee knocked her legs wider. What was a pleasant warmth between her thighs became a damp river.
‘She doesn’t need to be painted. Can’t you see that?’ His smile was nothing more than a slight curl of his upper lip. But the amusement it conveyed met his eyes because they shone with humour. ‘She’s perfect. None of this adornment is necessary.’
He took his bare paintbrush and stroked it across her forehead. Dani had never realised that her forehead was so sensitive. Or that it could make the heat and wetness between her thighs turn to a steady drumbeat of arousal.
The red sable tip tickled across the jut of her cheekbones, swept across her lips, arched down her jawline and then slithered down her neck. When he reached her collarbone he slowed the drag of the tip along her skin.
Her nipples spiked, hard and tender. She wondered, randomly, if she was cracking the paint the other two had applied. Realised she didn’t care. A warmth spread along her skin everywhere his naked paintbrush travelled.
Keeping wolfish blue eyes on her, the silver fox trailed the tip down between her breasts. Completely ignoring that needy part of her. His intention was clear. He was headed towards the neediest part of her.
He swept the brush in a great spiral, spreading out across her ribs, coming in with ever decreasing circles until he finally spun a tight ring around her navel. Then without warning he removed the brush and leaned in so that she could see the coarse silver hair sprouting along his cheeks and jawline. She saw too the shining metallic threads at his temples, intermingled with dark-dark brown hair, so dark it was nearly black.
‘Tell me you want it,’ he said, conversationally. Then he smiled. It was a Big Bad Wolf smile. A predator smile. But with just a hint of something else. Understanding. Acceptance. It toned down the almost scary quality of his expression.
She swallowed hard, her throat clicked, her heart hammered so much she feared it would come bursting from her chest like a cartoon character.
‘I want it,’ she managed. And then of her own accord: ‘I do. Please.’
He nodded as if satisfied. Stepped back just enough to get a good angle, and slid the paintbrush over her mound. Painting it first. Painting it with nothing but her own desire.
He followed the V of the place where her thighs met her sex. And when her hips shot up as if possessed, he finally dipped the soft brush between her thighs, dragging it slowly across her clit. Applying no pressure at all until she gasped. Then he did it again while putting more pressure on the brush so that the place where brush met handle nudged her clit with a little more friction – a little more oomph.
‘Fuck,’ she said, before she could think of it.
There was that lip curl again. That entirely satisfied look of a man who knows exactly what the hell he’s doing. And its effect.
Dani leaned back a little, giving him better access. He took that as acceptance and placed one big hand between her breasts. He pushed her back on the small table she sat upon and painted her clit with his soft brush as if applying the minutest details.
Her breath came short and fast. Her body taut from need, her mind a blank canvas because all thought had fled. When she whimpered, he stopped.
Dani looked at him as he regarded each of the other men, who stood there watching like mute sentinels. ‘Of course the best paintbrush isn’t found in an art supply store,’ the silver fox said. Or was he now the silver wolf to her? ‘At least not for a project such as this.’
He knelt between her thighs, spread them wide, and held them so tightly in his fingers she thought she’d wear small purple crescents for days. And she liked the idea. Liked it very much.
His tongue was so wet. So hot. And, as her pleasure swelled up, threatening to swallow her down, force her under and tumble her out to sea, she had to agree: it was the best paintbrush she could think of for this.
He swirled his tongue, lapped at her and dragged it in small circles and then large whirls. Constantly off-balance. Constantly trying to catch her breath. Her fingers curled against the soft skin of her belly as she tried so hard not to clutch at him. When he sucked her clit hard enough for her to bite her tongue and then shifted back to gentler moves, she came. Driving her hips up, crying out. Her eyes darted from one man to the other to the next before finally settling on Christopher. He smiled at her. ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’
* * *
She didn’t see any choice in the matter. Dani stumbled to the shower seconds after sitting straight up in bed aroused beyond thought for the second day in a row. If she was going to have any hope of getting through the day without her mind collapsing she’d have to do something about the pounding need between her legs.
She took a moment to stand under the shower and then grabbed the showerhead and turned it to the massage setting. It was only about thirty seconds, she thought. It only took that long of the constant, heavy sensation on her swollen clit before she was coming. Her forehead pressed to the cool tile, her mind swallowed up for a few blissful seconds by nothing but the intense physical sensation.
It had never entered her mind that doing this thing – this wild and crazy thing – would have these kinds of repercussions. She wasn’t sure if she liked it or loathed it. All she knew for certain was that the whole damn experience was intense. She’d never had more than vaguely erotic dreams in her life. Now they were full-blown erotic movies that felt like actual encounters.
‘Focus,’ she said, wiping the mirror clear of steam. She stared at herself. She looked tired but oddly energised as well. She sighed then went about getting ready for work. After she’d brushed her teeth, applied minimal makeup and pulled on a grey sweater dress with tights and mid-calf boots, she braided her hair because there was no time to blow-dry it. She’d spent too much time wandering around in a haze. She made a quick cup of coffee, poured it into her travel mug and hit the road.
She’d just flipped her computer on when she heard. ‘Woah … you had another one, didn’t you?’
She glanced up to find Cheryl there, arms crossed, leaning against the door jamb, looking very smug indeed.
‘Hush.’
‘Tell me I’m wrong.’
‘You’re not wrong,’ she sighed. She finished her coffee and realised she’d definitely, without a doubt, need more today.
‘And?’
‘And what?’
‘There’s something else,’ Cheryl said, tapping her toe. She wore Snoopy scrubs today and Dani half expected her to break out in the classic Snoopy dance when she finally decided to answer.
‘There were three of them this time.’
‘You met someone else!’
‘You know, back in the day they’d try you for witchcraft for all this thought-reading and stuff.’
‘That doesn’t take a witch to figure out.’ Cheryl crept closer, keeping herself angled for the door in case the receptionist called her out for a patient.
‘A guy in the Tuesday/Thursday class. The silver fox,’ she said, feeling stupid.
‘The what?’ Cheryl was trying not to laugh.
Dani shook her head. ‘I don’t know his name. He’s older. Probably mid-forties. Silver in his hair and his beard. Bright blue eyes. Just …’ She shrugged.
‘Ah, just a hot-ass silver fox. I get it. And was he good? In the dream?’
Dani chewed her lip. ‘Jesus Christ … he was the best one.’
‘Oh, my God,’ Cheryl said. Then Rebecca called her name from the front and she sighed. ‘Lunch. Eleven-thirty. I want all the details.’
‘They’re too dirty.’
‘Those are the best kind!’ Cheryl cried, throwing up her hands. Then she hurried out to the front of the office. The day had started and the patients didn’t want to wait because Dani was suddenly having X-rated dreams.
She made it through her morning and almost cried with relief when lunch came. She needed a break from trying so damn hard to focus. Her mind was a collage of men and paint and brushes and orgasms. She needed to let her mind be pudding for the next hour.
She’d just taken a seat next to Cheryl, ready to tuck into her Greek salad and bottle of water, when the other chair slid backwards so fast she jumped. Her mother – her mother! – flopped down in the seat, clutching her giant purse in her lap, and stared at Dani. ‘What is this I hear about you doing pornography?’
‘Jesus …’ Dani muttered.
‘Language!’ her mother scolded and then sat there waiting for an explanation.
Chapter 10 (#ulink_58553de6-b0f1-5dbb-85f8-e70165e13365)
‘I’m just going to take this …’ Cheryl gathered her meal container and her soda. She slid out of her seat and Dani found herself clamping a hand on her friend’s arm.
‘Don’t go,’ she managed.
‘Oh, no. I have to,’ Cheryl said. She looked like she’d either laugh or cry. Maybe both. ‘This is a family thing. I’ll just let you have your privacy.’ She shook Dani’s hand off gently and went.
‘Traitor,’ Dani sighed.
‘I’m waiting, Danielle.’ Her mother’s mouth was a tight seam, her eyes loaded with disapproval.
‘I’m not doing pornography, mother,’ she said, keeping her voice low. ‘I took the position of model in Chris’s classes. It just happens to be nude.’
Helen Young shut her eyes as if she’d just received a death sentence. ‘Nude,’ she said, drawing the word out.
Dani straightened up, pushed her shoulders back. She was getting pissed now. ‘Yes. Nude. I’m not a child, Mom. I can make my own decisions, you know.’
‘But why on earth would this be your big decision? I’ve seen you have trouble deciding between beef or seafood for dinner since you and Bob … broke up.’
Her mother rarely said the word ‘divorce’.
‘So?’
‘So, now you’ve made this grand adult decision to parade around naked.’ Her mother leaned in, practically groaning the last word of her sentence.
‘Yes, I have. It’s fine. I stand there in a single pose. The class sketches me and—’
‘So an entire classroom of strangers – no, two classrooms full of strangers, according to Clara – have naked pictures of you.’
Dani couldn’t help it. She snorted with laughter. ‘Pictures? You mean sketches. That they did themselves. Some probably very badly. They draw me, Mother, I’m not doing a live feed online for the viewing pleasure of strange men out in the ether.’
‘But you might as well be! You need to stop.’
‘Firstly,’ Dani said, her anger growing, ‘I do not need to stop. And I won’t stop. It’s really not as big a deal as you’re making it. Secondly, what was it Daddy told me that one time, the year I turned twenty-one and we all went out drinking as a family, about you dancing when you were in college?’
Her mother’s mouth went from a tight seam to invisible. Her jaw and mouth so tight her lips virtually disappeared. ‘Dani—’ Her voice held warning.
‘Not just dancing,’ Dani said, tapping her temple and pretending to think. But she didn’t have to think. She’d never forget her father dropping that particular bomb on her. Or how she’d sat there, clutching a mug of tap beer, mouth hanging open in surprise. And a little horror, she’d admit. No one thinks of their mother that way. ‘It wasn’t just dancing, was it? It was exotic dancing.’
Her mother looked at the table, the ceiling, the door of the cafeteria as it swung open admitting other lunch patrons. ‘That is beside the point.’
‘And we all know,’ Dani went on, pushing the envelope, ‘that exotic dancing is code for—’
‘Danielle!’
‘Stripping!’ Dani said, leaning in and whispering the word.
Her mother had gone pale. ‘I do not regret that experience.’
Dani sat back, a bit smug. ‘And I don’t expect you to. But I do not and will not regret this one. Even if you want me to.’
Helen Young sat back, put her hands palms down on the table and regarded Dani. ‘We all want better for our children than what we had, what we did.’
‘I appreciate that. But this is something I want to do. I am doing. You have two choices, you can support me or you can not support me. If you choose the second option, I’ll thank you to do it silently.’
Her mother said nothing for a long time. Finally, she simply nodded. ‘I’ll get going, then. Looks like your lunch break is almost up. Call me and let me know if you’re going to Mary Catherine’s baby shower. If you are you can pick me up. We can ride together.’ She laid a cool kiss on Dani’s forehead and hustled out, walking with a tight gait in her mauve wool suit.
Dani sighed and pushed away the remainder of her lunch. She wasn’t very hungry any more. She hadn’t expected that, just when she’d got used to the idea of her new part-time job, she’d have to battle her mother over it. Sometimes life – adult life – was just too damned exhausting.
* * *
Nipples, nipples, nipples …
It was all she could think of. She’d arrived on time and Chris had gotten her the robe. The whole routine had become normal. Which was both invigorating and terrifying. Arrive, disrobe and be posed like a giant Barbie doll.
He’d tugged the end of her hair just as she was about to go change. ‘Hey, you OK?’
‘Fine. Dust-up with Helen the Great. No biggie.’
‘Yeah, I heard my mom let the cat out of the bag.’
‘No worries,’ Dani said. ‘I had ammunition.’
He raised an eyebrow and the thought that he’d just had a date the night before pounded her already tired brain. What, was she jealous? That was insane.
‘Do tell.’
‘Later. I’ll tell you over drinks one day. Then we can sit back quietly and listen to the sound of my mother’s soul screaming.’
Chris laughed. ‘Off you go. I’ll go back in and prompt them. Sadly, you’ll be in the same pose as the first class. A lot of them didn’t quite finish and need the visual prompt.’
Dani shrugged. ‘Fine by me.’
It was only as she was wrapping the well-washed robe around herself that she realised she had a date herself. Tonight. With Kevin Buck.
The day had been so insane – the aftermath of her filthy dreams, her mother’s lunchtime ambush – that it had slipped her mind. Now, standing in the classroom, with his eyes on her and her nipples so tight she felt she could cut glass with them, it was the only thing she could think of.
As the silence invaded her mind, broken by nothing but the heat ticking on and the scratch of pencils on art pads, she thought she might scream. Every time she glanced at him he smiled. His eyes seemed to trace every inch of her. And, unlike the other students, he’d stare for a long while before even putting pencil to paper. As if memorising every single nuance before even thinking of drawing it.
‘Fifteen-minute break,’ Chris announced and she exhaled a long breath. Dani hadn’t even realised she’d been holding it until the air came whooshing out of her lungs and she got to inhale a deep, fresh breath.
She walked out into the hall, stoically ignoring the pervasive wetness between her thighs. Thank God she didn’t have to sit for this pose. She feared a wet spot would have been revealed when she stood.
Dani heard footsteps and turned. Buck was standing there, simply watching. ‘We still on for tonight?’ he asked, finally.
She didn’t trust her voice so she nodded.
‘Great. There’s this little place near my house that has wine-tasting trays and appetisers. Low-key. Nice. Small.’ He leaned against the wall, all long and lanky with his teasing, innocent man bun. But the look in his eyes was intense. Definitely not innocent. ‘It’s quiet. Does that sound OK?’
She’d heard it all but the words that echoed in her head were ‘near my house’. Would she go home with him? Would she act on the cues her body was giving her? Dani had no idea. She managed to say, ‘Sounds great’ without sounding like she’d been sucking helium.
‘Great. I think you’ll like it. I’ve been looking forward to this since Monday.’
‘Me too,’ she said. She’d nearly forgotten but, if she was dreaming dirty dreams about Buck, then she definitely had him on her mind. In a most carnal way.
Chris stuck his head out of the classroom. ‘We’re back, guys.’
When Kevin Buck turned, Dani caught Chris sizing him up. An unreadable expression flitted across his face but it was gone so fast she couldn’t tell what it was.
‘Coming,’ she said, then heat flooded her face. Poor choice of words. Because there had been a few moments in there, being studied and sketched and watched, when she’d thought she actually might. Now she had to go back in and stand there bared to the world, or at least to classroom 213, and not squirm out of her skin.
‘I’ll meet you at the south exit?’ Buck asked her.
Dani nodded. She glanced at Chris and there was the weird look on his face again. Before she could get a handle on it, he turned and strode back into the classroom.
She took her position again and tried to zone out. She listened to the scratch of pencils, the tick of the clock, the whoosh of forced warm air. She let her eyes drift to Chris and found him staring at her. She tried a small smile and he returned it but it didn’t touch his big green eyes, which remained far away, pondering.
He’s an artist. They all look that way …
But she wasn’t convinced and neither was her stomach, which seemed to twist in on itself as she stood there. The room was too warm but then it was too cool. She felt like the bulk of her was too big for her skin, as if it had shrunk. It was anxiety, she kept telling herself. So she focused on her breathing. When Chris finally dismissed her so he could wrap up class, she felt a relief so enormous her legs went wobbly.
She hurried down to get dressed and then made the vain concession of touching up her makeup and fluffing her hair. Her work clothes would have to do for her date because she hadn’t been thinking – had simply been drifting through her day – and hadn’t thought to bring something more casual. Thankfully, her wrap dress was pretty much suited to any damn place she wore it.
‘It’ll have to do,’ she said to her reflection. And it would. It would have to do.
Chapter 11 (#ulink_1fb053e3-3dfc-56b9-a8f6-ae5fba7ecfe9)
‘Tell me,’ Dani said. ‘What’s your story for being in art class?’
Kevin Buck leaned back in his high-backed bar stool and gave a lazy shrug. Tonight he looked the artist part. A white button-down shirt, collar open past his clavicle, sleeves rolled, artfully messed and shoved up to his elbows, faded jeans, motorcycle boots and, of course, the man bun.
‘I was bored.’
‘Bored?’ She sipped a Shiraz that had a bit of a back kick and a burn at the end. Her face and stomach glowed with warmth from the wine. They’d been picking at a plate of mixed appetisers. All homemade at the restaurant. Not a frozen chicken finger to be found.
‘I’m a trust-fund baby,’ he said.
Her wine meandered down the wrong pipe and Dani found herself choking on it. She covered her mouth, mortified as her body shook.
‘That surprising?’ he asked with a half-smile. He patted her on the back. ‘You OK?’
‘I am. And no, it wasn’t what you said. Just, swallowing wine is a bit too tricky for me, I guess. But, I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting that.’
He gave a nod, picked up the small tasting glass and gave the dark-red liquid a quick try. ‘No one does. I guess I don’t look the part. No preppy clothes, dock shoes or sneering demands. No flashing cash and showing off. No drug problem and/or booze problem and/or gambling problem. Just a long, winding road of semi-boredom and malaise.’ He winked.
Up close he gave off a vibe. A sex vibe was the only way she could describe it. Only to herself; she’d never say it aloud. Magnetism swirled around him like an invisible force field. And the new information that he was a trust-fund baby surprised her. He didn’t fit the part. Didn’t give off that air of entitlement.
‘Well, it’s good that you avoided all the problems and went for something to fill your time. What else do you do?’
‘I want to be an artist, to be honest. But I’m twenty-eight. Who knows if that will happen?’
She laughed. ‘You say twenty-eight like it’s old. Anything could happen. Second acts are de rigueur these days.’
He leaned in, smiling at her. It was a wooing kind of smile, she thought. Hard to resist. It made her want to kiss him. Or, more importantly, be kissed by him.
‘Is that what you’re doing? Is this a second act of some kind? I admit,’ he said, giving another casual shrug and playing with a cocktail napkin, ‘I’m entirely curious how a beautiful woman who clearly has another job got into nude modelling for wannabe artists like me.’
‘How can you tell I have another job?’
‘You arrive in work clothes all the time. They look a bit more buttoned up than I imagine you are if you’re going out casually. But I could be wrong.’ His fingertip grazed the very edge of her hand and the nipples that had calmed down ages ago went into red alert.
Dani suppressed a shiver and tried to put the words together to answer him. ‘You’re not wrong. I’m an office manager at a doctor’s office. Chris and I, your teacher and I, go way back. We grew up together on the same street. Hung out together, wasted long summer days.’
‘Ah,’ he said.
‘Ah?’
‘Sorry,’ Buck said, shaking his head. ‘Go on.’
‘We ran into each other with our boisterous, larger-than-life mothers in tow. And he told me about it. I was ready for … something,’ she said waving her hand vaguely.
‘Something.’
‘Different. Something to shake up my life, I guess. I’m divorced. Officially, now. Things weren’t too great and now I find myself thirty-two—’ She levelled her gaze at him. ‘And see, I’m not saying that like it’s old. This time.’
He grinned at her.
‘And I’m alone and I’m in this life-living rut. I just have the same day over and over again. Until now.’
‘Now when you walk in a classroom full of artistically tortured souls, drop your robe and knock everyone’s socks off.’
She gave a snort of disbelief and quickly tried to cover with a cough. ‘Not quite.’
‘Oh, quite.’ His finger was tracing the edge of her hand again and Dani found herself shifting on her oversized bar stool. She didn’t know that someone touching her in such an innocuous place could make her feel like she was going to burst out of her skin. Or burst into flames.
‘Thank you,’ was all she could think to say.
He leaned toward her so smoothly she didn’t see it coming until it happened. He kissed her. His lips were soft and warm and when they touched hers her entire body seemed to melt into goo. Dani parted her lips and his tongue touched hers ever so gently. A featherlight stroke of tongue on tongue. His big hand, smudged in places with graphite, cupped the back of her head. Holding her tightly but not so tightly she felt the need to extricate herself.
The kiss deepened and, when her head was swimming and her body felt like one big heartbeat, Buck pulled back and said, ‘I know it’s incredibly forward, and feel free to smack me and storm out, but I’d love to take you home with me, Dani. I have to say, I don’t usually see a woman’s naked body before I decide to court her. I know we did this backwards, but I have to admit something—’ He regarded her with those deep dark eyes and her breath stuttered.
‘What? Admit what?’ She sounded a little more eager and desperate than she cared to, but it was out there. Nothing she could do about it.
‘I’ve been thinking of nothing but you since Monday. The way you stand up there. The way you look entirely stoic and entirely terrified at the same time. The curve of your hip …’ He reached beneath their small round table cluttered with cocktail debris, and swept his finger along the curve he was describing. ‘The length of your neck …’ The finger moved and caressed her from just below her ear to her collarbone. ‘Everything.’
‘Yes,’ she said, her voice a small, excited thing.
‘Yes?’
‘Take me home. Now,’ she said, saying it quickly before she could talk herself out of it. Even though she wanted it, wanted him, talking herself out of things that made her blood leap was her modus operandi. She didn’t want to give herself time to unravel her want.
His lips curved into a smile. ‘I was really expecting the slap and the storming off.’
‘Sorry to disappoint you,’ she said.
‘Oh, you’ve done anything but. Trust me.’ He waved his finger at the waiter for the check and paid him in cash.
‘Will you show me?’ she asked.
He cocked an eyebrow at her as he held the door and she went out into the cool night air. ‘Show you?’
‘Your sketch. Of me.’
‘Ah, now you want to see. I will, if you’re nice to me.’
Dani laughed. Her heartbeat was a palpable thing in her chest, her ears, between her legs. She planned to be very nice to him. She hoped he’d be very nice to her.
Chapter 12 (#ulink_46cf540e-241b-535f-9cc2-8882832057d4)
Buck’s apartment was a huge studio on the top floor of a building in the city. The décor didn’t reek of money but the fact that this space was what he called home did. It was in a part of the city that the newcomers were breathing life back into. Refashioning the neighbourhood with small boutique businesses, renovations and community efforts. She stood at the foot of his bed and looked through the wall of glass at the harbour lights. From here the shadow skeletons of the big ships were visible. The line of restaurants with their neon shone like beacons.
‘Pretty nice view, huh?’ He walked in behind her with two glasses of wine and handed her one.
‘It’s amazing.’
‘It’s why I took this place. I had a small place closer to the school a while back and I was perfectly content. But my folks bought this building and another one a block or so away. They showed me this place and I was all set to say no and put my foot down. My place was much smaller but I’d made it home.’ He put his arms around her waist from behind, pulled her against him so that her back was nestled against his chest, and kissed the back of her neck.
‘But?’ Dani asked, laughing softly. ‘There’s a but in there.’
He subtly pressed himself against her so that he was fitted flush against her ass. When he chuckled, all the fine hairs along her nape tingled.
‘There’s definitely a butt …’ Another laugh and he kissed her shoulder this time. Goosebumps peppered the skin of her upper arms and she barely managed to tamp down a shiver. ‘But my mother is clever. She knows what buttons to push. So when they brought me here to see the place, she made sure they brought me at night. One look out at that and I was toast. I lost all my will power, forgot all my arguments and caved to their desire to have someone inhabiting this building until the lower floors could be redone.’
‘I think you got a sweet deal, to be honest,’ she whispered. A small light, possibly a police boat or a lighted buoy, bobbed in the harbour water. The whole thing reminded her of Christmas, invoking a warm and cosy feeling.
‘I think so too.’ Buck released her and turned her slowly so they were face to face. ‘Sweeter still now that you’re here.’
She hummed softly as he kissed her. His mouth pressed to hers, his tongue slipping softly between her lips. That big hand was on the back of her head again, tethering her to earth, keeping her from floating away. Buck was a good kisser and then some.
Her nipples stiffened and, when his fingers brushed slowly over the bodice of her dress, they sought out the lace of her bra. Dani pressed her body to his. Leaving not a lick of space between them. She felt his cock, hard and eager, pressing against her. Her stomach took on that tumbling, free-fall feeling so when he took a step back she sucked in a breath.
‘Can I just …’ He let the sentence peter out as he unbuttoned her dress. She felt the cool kiss of air, and then the warm kisses his lips dropped on her skin as he bared it. His fingers were deft as he popped the front clasp of her bra and let the lace fall free of her breasts. Then his mouth was on her and her eyes drifted shut, her mind’s eye supplying the fairy lights of the still awake city below this sky-top studio.
He sucked her nipple hard, drawing on it so that she felt the pressure from her breast down to her pelvis. It was the feeling of excitement. The feeling of anticipation that bordered on sickness but stopped just short of it.
She opened her eyes as he moved to the other breast, his tongue dragging a hot wet trail across her chest.
‘Can I just …’ She smiled slightly as she mimicked his words. He looked up at her, straightening. Dani reached up and pushed her fingers into his dark bun. The hair an artfully tousled mess. She found the elastic that held it and tugged until it uncoiled and set his dark hair tumbling free.
Dark hair, smooth and silken under her fingers, fell around his rugged face, brushing the top of his wide shoulders. He was a Viking warrior, a hero, a wild man.
‘You have gorgeous hair,’ she said.
‘You have gorgeous everything,’ Buck countered, drawing her back to him. This time as he kissed her that soft hair brushed her cheeks.
He tugged the tie on her dress, spread it wide, and hooked his fingers in the sides of her panties. When he slid them down her thighs and then her calves, she lifted one foot at a time to ease the removal. Next he pulled off her thigh-high stockings. He tossed all her clothes in a pile and arranged her on the bed. His bedding was simple. Definitely didn’t scream money, but, when her body touched down on the duvet, she felt that it was indeed expensive. It was the softest bedding she’d ever laid on. ‘What is this, a million thread-count?’ she murmured as he studied her.
He cocked an eyebrow. ‘Don’t know. Don’t care. I’m too busy looking at the work of art splayed out on it.’
She felt herself blush, her body wriggling slightly at the praise as if she couldn’t stay still, couldn’t bear to hear the words in stillness.
She opened her mouth to protest. To brush off the compliment. Something small and new in the centre of her whispered, Don’t … So she shut her mouth and reached her hand up to him. When he took it, she drew him down.
His mouth began a slow tour of her throat. Teeth nipped her ear and her body tensed before letting go. A lazy kind of pleasure filled her. Dani laughed when he whispered directly into her ear, ‘I really thought you were going to smack me when I asked you out right after staring at your naked body for an hour.’
‘Why would I do that?’ His clothes were still on. Annoying but somehow adding to the excitement. Just like in class, he was dressed, she was bared.
‘Because … you’d think I’m a pervert.’
Dani shook her head, accepted another searing kiss. His hands tangled in her hair, his big body pressed down against hers. She could feel his heartbeat, steady and banging against her breast.
‘No. Not a pervert. If I thought people who drew naked people were perverts, I’d be a hypocrite, wouldn’t I? Given that I’m the naked person.’
He braced himself on his forearms and looked down at the narrow passage that had opened between their bodies. ‘Yes, yes, you are. And I’m grateful to whatever boredom gods decided that fate for me. It’s hard to draw you.’
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Sommer Marsden
Life as a nude model wasn’t what Dani Young expected. It was all Chris’s idea. His art class was minus one model and her life needed a change—a big one. An emotional shake up, he said. Something to make her feel wild and brave and free.She’s learning a lot about herself — her wants, her desires, her unexpected fantasies. But her biggest lesson may be that she deserves so much more than she’s always settled for in the past. Something like a courageous, blazing shot at real love.
Muse
SOMMER MARSDEN
A division of HarperCollinsPublishers
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
Mischief
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers
The News Building
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
An eBook Original 2016
1
Copyright © Sommer Marsden
Cover design: Head Design 2017, cover images: Shutterstock (http://www.shutterstock.com)
Sommer Marsden asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
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EBook Edition © Februrary 2016 ISBN: 9780008148843
Version: 2017-08-17
For Jim. Being with you always felt like coming home to me …
Table of Contents
Cover (#uf17f5dda-7cdc-5d2e-92a9-c0751f154b74)
Title Page (#u70cef6db-7dd5-5039-ba50-0b88d36d7390)
Copyright (#u230ef4b2-5d50-5852-8a04-5df05b54b59e)
Dedication (#u3a2def83-cc1d-5f5c-ab73-43ec3306a0a0)
Chapter 1 (#ufe869862-d9aa-52fe-9030-dc0d70f0e0b4)
Chapter 2 (#u67702345-3c74-5274-9734-ffd354cfd8e3)
Chapter 3 (#u3b4b27fe-9ddd-55c5-a70c-1a06e716600f)
Chapter 4 (#ued1d1269-6509-5428-b08f-c42832914f98)
Chapter 5 (#u9ca8a637-be37-558b-88d6-9a7ac774ee93)
Chapter 6 (#u59414faa-bbf6-5fbb-b0b0-e2295d1df2f8)
Chapter 7 (#u06ae2ba5-c8cb-5158-939d-ed40fd26a8c2)
Chapter 8 (#u14c5a8b0-b47e-56b7-8cd0-4a7cf4c36550)
Chapter 9 (#uc8dac9f3-e75e-5cd7-9b89-1e78da50cc32)
Chapter 10 (#u6b20f293-df0f-5d76-9e4d-353d7dcbef0b)
Chapter 11 (#u663c5f62-7cb4-5053-86c2-89c52cd72bae)
Chapter 12 (#uc8a362ea-d680-5344-9572-12e1aba6b3c5)
Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 24 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 25 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 26 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 27 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 28 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 29 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 30 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 31 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 32 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 33 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 34 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 35 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 36 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 37 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 38 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 39 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 40 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 41 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 42 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 43 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 44 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 45 (#litres_trial_promo)
Keep Reading … (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 1 (#u35f8981b-9a28-530a-b419-2c3ac3048b25)
‘And I don’t want you to be late, Dani. Not like the last time we went to dinner. I was ready to go sitting there like a prom date who’d been ditched—’
Dani hung her head. ‘Mother—’ she attempted. She clutched the silky white teddy in her hand, thinking she should put it in the ‘donate’ pile, but something in her heart clenched at the idea.
‘And then we were late to get the early menu. You know I like the early menu.’
She took a deep breath before finally breaking into her mother’s tirade. ‘I won’t be late. If you let me get off the phone. I have to finish bagging this stuff. I can’t show up at a clothing trade without actual clothing, now can I?’
Her mother humped into the phone and Dani couldn’t help it, she smiled.
‘Fine. Be here at two. Two sharp, Danielle!’
‘I will, Mom.’ She managed to say goodbye and hang up without tearing her hair out.
The room was bright now. She’d painted it yellow after her marriage to Bob had ended. Originally it had been a dark blue called December Evening, but now it was called Bright Eyed Susan. It suited her better, she thought. Suited the way she wanted her life to feel.
‘Fuck it,’ she said and tossed the white teddy in the pile for the clothing swap. It had been her wedding-night lingerie and she saw absolutely no reason to hang onto it. No reason in clinging to the past.
‘Now if we could just work on this future I’m supposed to have. A bright, fun, single woman breaking hearts and kicking ass.’ At least that was what everyone had told her. Everyone had assured her that her life would improve. That it would get better.
Dani picked up the teddy once more and ran the fabric through her fingers. She traced the lace at the edges, felt the hope this garment had once held lance through her. If she shut her eyes it was easy. Too easy, in fact. She could remember that night. The excitement, the buzz of alcohol and wedding festivities and being married. Belonging to someone.
She held it like a talisman, remembering the feel of Bob’s mouth on her mouth. Then the feel of it moving everywhere else. Kissing down her neck, licking at her collar bones, sucking one nipple and then the other. Then his hot breath and wet tongue on her navel before drifting lower. How he’d skated his teeth along the sharp jut of her hipbones and her pubis, before finally, blissfully, moving lower to where she needed it most. Settling his head between her thighs. Licking her until the entire world seemed to surge before crashing down in a wave.
How that night had seemed the beginning and the end. How everything looked shiny and new and seemed to hold magical potential.
‘Fuck,’ she said, opening her eyes and tossing it back in the pile.
That was another woman. Another life. Long gone and best forgotten. All that potential had fizzled like a soda left open. What had started as effervescent had ended up flat and cloying.
She shook her head, checked her clock and set about neatly folding the clothing she’d gathered and tucking it into boxes. Then she filled a bag with purses and another with shoes and a few belts.
‘Out with the old and in with the new!’ she declared to no one at all.
A quick shower and then she was choosing an outfit. Something her mother wouldn’t find issue with. Jeans – not too tight, not too loose – tall black boots, a smoke-grey tunic and a pendant that had been her grandmother’s. She tugged her auburn hair up into a messy topknot and added long earrings. She regarded herself in the mirror and tried on a smile. She loved her mother more than anything but sometimes she had to steel herself to spend long bouts of time with her.
‘She’s going to hate the hair,’ she told her reflection. Then she shrugged, gathered her bags, found her purse, and headed to her mom’s. She had plenty of time, she thought smugly. So there would be no reason at all for her mother to complain. Well, at least not about her being late.
* * *
Helen Young was leaning against her front fence talking to a neighbour when Dani pulled up. Her mother tossed her a wave and went right on yapping. She was decked out in a sage-coloured suit, a cream blouse and some sensible heels. Her greying hair was tucked up into a sleek French twist. It had once been the same shade of auburn as Dani’s, a rich mix of red and dark brown. Now it was heavily streaked with silver. Not grey, her mother always pointed out … silver.
Dani put the car in park, took a fortifying breath and climbed out.
‘She’s on time!’ Helen declared to no one and everyone.
Mrs Fletcher from next door, a few years older than her mom and prone to wearing housecoats all day every day, waved her newspaper at Dani. ‘Hi, hon!’
‘Hi, Mrs Fletcher. How are you?’
‘Still alive!’ she called with a cackle.
‘Good to hear.’ Dani went to her mom, kissed her powdered cheek. ‘Hi, Mom. Your bags?’
‘All up on the porch just waiting for the cavalry to arrive to help me.’
‘Here I am.’ Dani began to load them two at a time. The front steps were steep brick and she’d warned her mother not to attempt bringing the bags down on her own.
When they were all loaded, Dani turned to her mom, who was still rattling on across the fence.
‘Mom?’
When her mom finally took a breath and looked her way, Dani tapped an imaginary watch on her wrist. ‘Tick tick tick … you didn’t want to be late.’
‘I’m being taken now,’ Helen said to Mrs Fletcher. ‘You call me if that sciatica acts up and you need someone to fetch you stuff.’
Mrs Fletcher agreed, waved the paper again and disappeared inside her small house. A house heavily decorated with cat figurines, prints of Jesus at the Last Supper, and doilies. Lots and lots of doilies. Dani had spent summers cleaning the older woman’s house when she was in high school. She’d never had to move so many doilies in her life.
In the car, her mother immediately shut off the radio station with a shudder. ‘Nothing but noise.’
Dani laughed. ‘That’s eighties music, mom. It’s now what they play over the grocery store sound system and it’s been turned into elevator music.’
‘And it’s still noise,’ Helen said, clutching her purse in her lap. ‘You have your bags?’
‘Yes.’
‘You ready to find some new clothes?’
Dani sighed. ‘I guess. I doubt they’ll have anything that really works for me.’
Her mother appraised her with a cocked eyebrow. ‘Oh, come on. You’re not exactly fashion forward, Dani. I’d call you … kitschy and comfy.’
‘I’ll attempt to take that as a compliment.’
Her mom shrugged. ‘Nothing wrong with it. Anyway, it’s for a good cause. Ten bucks and two bags or more gets us our tokens and then they’ll have a silent auction later for pricier items that were donated outright. Some schmoozing—’
‘Schmoozing?’ Dani asked, laughing.
Helen nodded decisively. ‘Yes, some schmoozing, some food, some drinks, and you come home with some new clothes. Win-win-win.’
‘Well, I’m glad you’re excited,’ Dani said. ‘I’m sure it will be fun.’
There was a palpable beat of silence. Dani felt her mother working her way up to saying something. Probably something Dani didn’t want to hear. The pregnant moment passed and Helen tried to be casual as she blew out a breath and said, ‘So … dating anyone?’
Dani managed not to roll her eyes. ‘Nope. Not at the moment.’
Her mother’s lips settled into a thin, dissatisfied line. ‘Dani, you’re not getting any younger.’
Dani shook her head, turned the car onto Harford Road and tried not to get angry. ‘No, but I’m not getting any dumber either. I’m not going to date someone just because I’m not twenty.’
Her mother gave her a nod. ‘Well, that’s true.’
Dani laughed again. ‘Glad you see it my way, Mom. And by the way, thirty-two isn’t exactly ancient.’
Her mother patted her leg. ‘Not at all. But life has a way of creeping up on you. In a blink you’re not thirty-two any more. You’re sixty-two.’
‘I’m sure,’ Dani said, feeling a sudden sadness. Life did go fast but she couldn’t date someone just to date them. And since the divorce had been finalised she hadn’t met anyone she felt the need to spend her time with. It was what it was and she felt it best to accept that. She’d had a few scattershot dates that had been pleasant but nothing special, and then a few that had been the stuff bad-dating comedies were made of. She’d rather be alone.
‘Plus, men die sooner than women, statistically speaking.’
‘Mom!’
‘Well, it’s true. So, you’ll have limited time even once you find the right man.’
‘Mom …’ she sighed. She could feel it coming. The next thing her mom would say.
‘I had thirty wonderful years with your dad and then we lost him. I’ve been alone since. Eleven years later, I’m still alone.’
Dani shook her head, took her mom’s hand briefly and squeezed it. ‘I know, Mom. But let’s change the subject. Because we’re here!’
She turned into the VFW hall’s parking lot and found a spot. Then she cut the engine and turned toward her mother. ‘It’s going to be fine, Mom. I’ll meet someone when I meet someone. It’ll work out.’
Helen gave a decisive nod and patted her hair. ‘You’re right. Of course. I’m sorry. I worry, is all.’
‘It’s your job.’
They paid their donation entrance fee and then an older gentleman went with them to the car and helped them gather and check in their donation bags. Dani watched carefully and noticed her mother was flirting. She couldn’t help but laugh. Helen had tried to give Dani a pep talk and Dani was starting to think it had backfired on her.
They were given a table to set up their clothing. Dani was just displaying the lingerie on the table when a sharp voice cried, ‘Helen Young! And Dani!’
Chapter 2 (#u35f8981b-9a28-530a-b419-2c3ac3048b25)
She turned to see Clara Oliver come rushing up and fold her mother in a big embrace. The woman stood about eight inches taller than her mom and was decked out in a bright floral draped blouse, hot-pink slacks and tall heels. She was the exact opposite of Dani’s mom. Colourful and imposing as a peacock.
Dani blinked. It had been ages since she’d seen Clara and her son. And, speaking of her son, Chris came striding up behind his mother, looking sheepish. He had his hands shoved way down in the pockets of his khakis, and the slouch he’d adopted when they were teenagers when he wanted to be invisible. He looked about as comfortable as a zebra at a gathering of lions.
‘Ages! It’s been ages!’ Clara exclaimed, gripping her mother so tight she looked like a python taking down a lamb.
Dani pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. Mostly because her mom wasn’t the most affectionate person and especially not in public. A little giggle slipped free when Helen literally pushed her hands against the larger woman’s arms and levered herself free. She smoothed her hair, looking flustered and more than a little stunned.
‘And Dani!’ Then Clara was coming at her, arms wide so her flowy blouse looked like butterfly wings. A cloud of sweet perfume seemed to linger around her and her lipstick was the bright red of a STOP sign.
Dani took a deep breath and resigned herself to the affection just as she was engulfed in a warm, soft embrace. She hugged the older woman back. ‘Good to see you, Mrs Oliver. It’s been a long time.’
And it had. About fifteen years. The Youngs had lived a few doors down. She’d been in high school with Christopher, him being a year or two ahead of her. They’d hung out as kids, wandering the neighbourhood in the summer, being bored together.
When she was finally released, she stepped back and saw he was watching her. She smiled. ‘Chris.’
‘Dani,’ he said with a small nod. Finally, as if not quite sure he wanted to, he moved in and gave her a quick hug. He smelled good, she noticed. Wood smoke, cotton, fall air. It was a nice scent that made her remember what it was like to be hugged by a man on a regular basis.
She pulled free as the two mothers chattered, catching up, Helen keeping a safe foot or so between herself and Clara lest she try for another public display of affection. ‘You look like you wish the floor would open up and swallow you whole,’ she said softly so only he could hear.
His face split into a grin. It was his best feature, that grin. She’d always thought so. ‘If only it would. What a gift from the gods that would be.’
She laughed. ‘You’re a good son bringing your mom here. A gaggle of mostly women hocking their discarded clothes in hopes of new treasures.’
‘My sister’s in Florida so I was her only hope. And I couldn’t say no.’ He was watching his mother, a half-smile on his face. ‘Since my dad died she doesn’t go out a whole lot. And she really wanted to come, so …’ There was that shrug again.
‘I think they have a little refreshment area set up,’ she said. ‘How about I buy you a coffee to reward your good deed?’
His gaze had drifted to her table where all her clothes were laid out. He reached out and stroked a single finger along the fabric of the white teddy she’d displayed on top. A shiver ran through her. It was as if she was magically linked with that piece of clothing and his fingertip had travelled down her skin.
She cleared her throat, a reflex when she was flustered.
It cleared his head and he withdrew his finger. ‘That would be great. We can catch up.’
She asked the older women what they’d want from the vendor and together they managed to wend their way through the sea of people who had gathered to trade clothes and attend the silent auction.
Once they’d hit the line she bumped her shoulder playfully against his as she had when they were young. ‘So, what’s up? Still got the art thing going on?’
He seemed to relax a little with the familiar topic. ‘Yep. Still doing the art thing.’
‘Freelance?’
He nodded as they shuffled forward in the line. ‘I sell paintings, I do some graphic work freelance, and I teach a night class.’
‘Wow,’ she said, bumping him again. Why was he so stiff and uncomfortable? They’d spent hours upon hours in each other’s company growing up, until her family eventually moved. They’d attempted to stay in touch during college, seeing each other occasionally at parties, sending occasional letters and cards for holidays. ‘Who thought the boy who liked to blow up random things in the summer would turn out to be a teacher.’
He smiled, his cheeks blooming with a little bit of colour. ‘Not me. But a friend who teaches full-time at the community college talked me into it. It’s kind of fun, to be honest. The people are a bit older, they’re looking to learn something new. No hopes of being the next Picasso or Warhol. Just the urge to express themselves.’
‘That is awesome,’ she said. They shuffled forward a little more and she turned to see if she could spot Clara and her mom. They were behind, milling around the tables, checking out clothes.
‘You?’
‘Me? Oh, I’m boring. I work as the office manager at a doctor’s office. Kind of fell into it, liked the people, liked the doctors and liked the normality. I only started after Bob and I got divorced. I was writing for the local newspaper at the time, but that little thing didn’t pay much and I needed more money. Single woman and all.’
He’d finally turned to look at her fully. She saw how blue his eyes were. Just as blue as when he was seventeen. They hadn’t changed at all nor had his hair – an unusual shade of red mixed with brown. It looked brown most of the time until the light hit it just right and then it shimmered with deep-red highlights. She’d always marvelled at the colour, even French braiding it one summer when he’d let it grow long. They’d laughed until they’d coughed over that.
‘Why are you smiling?’ he asked, touching her elbow and nudging her forward as the ridiculous line moved again.
‘Wondering if I could get a braid in the close-cropped hair.’
His bark of laughter startled the older woman in front of them. She turned with an annoyed glare. Which made him laugh harder. ‘Sorry,’ he mumbled as she turned her back to them.
‘Doubtful,’ Chris said. He nudged the floor with the toe of his shoe. ‘I was going to ask about Bob but now I guess I don’t have to. Sorry to hear about the … about that.’
‘Divorce,’ she said, nudging him. ‘You can say it. I won’t burst into flames … or tears.’ He nodded. ‘What about you? Ever get married? Got a girl? Babies?’
His eyes widened. ‘God, no. I mean, to babies. Not yet. No. I had a girlfriend for a long time but we never got married. Good thing, too. It didn’t work.’
She flinched just a little. ‘Sorry,’ he said.
‘It’s fine.’ They’d finally hit the front of the line. Chris ordered four large coffees and a plate of fried dough. He caught Dani looking at him and shrugged. ‘Can’t resist the fried dough. A few times a year won’t kill me.’
‘Agreed,’ she said, snagging a fried bit of powdered-sugar-coated dough off the end and popping it into her mouth.
Miraculously, one of six small tables had become free and he nodded towards it. ‘Want to sit for a moment?’
‘The mothers …’
‘Are scanning for deals. The coffee will stay hot.’
Dani sat, doctored her coffee with four packs of sugar and a small creamer. She ate another bit of dough.
‘So,’ he said, taking a deep breath. ‘Despite the obvious … life is good?’
She nodded after only a brief hesitation. ‘Yeah.’
He stared at her with those eyes. She noted the fairy rings of bright green around his irises. She’d forgotten about that.
‘That didn’t sound entirely convincing.’
It was her turn to shrug. She touched her topknot and tugged at a small piece of hair. A nervous habit she was entirely aware of and hated with a passion. ‘I guess I just feel in a rut, you know?’
‘I do.’ He ate a piece of dough and watched her but said nothing. She’d forgotten that too. How he always managed to pry things out of her that she never confessed to others.
‘I kept hearing this was a new Chapter in my life. Cut the dead wood, move forward, single woman with a passion for life, blah, blah, blah. And then …’ She laughed so loud she covered her mouth, embarrassed. ‘There’s my mother who’s got me convinced that I’m going to be either an old biddy with a house full of cats or miserable and alone and bitter if I don’t date like … yesterday.’
‘And you think?’
She sighed, taking a piece of the pastry but not eating it. She just held it like a talisman as she told him the absolute truth. ‘I think I need to do something entirely out of character and live something I’d never ever dreamed I would before I date. To be honest—’ She shook her head.
‘What?’
‘You’re like a hypnotist. Somehow, even after all these years, I spill my guts to you.’
He raised his hands palms up and winked. ‘It’s a gift.’
‘An evil gift,’ she said. But she barrelled on. ‘To be honest, I don’t know who I am at the moment. The years with Bob, the marriage ending, it all changed me. New job, no husband, bad years before the divorce was finalised. I’ve changed. I think I’d like to get to know me before I try to get to know someone else. Casual dating, sure. But something steady … not ready.’
‘So you’d like to step outside the box and do something you never thought you’d do?’
She grinned. ‘Yeah, I know it sounds stupid.’
‘Not at all,’ he said.
‘Good.’
‘And I think I might have just the thing for you …’
She opened her mouth to ask what when the mothers descended like two chattering birds. ‘There you are! There’s our coffee!’
Chapter 3 (#u35f8981b-9a28-530a-b419-2c3ac3048b25)
They didn’t get a chance to talk again until the clothing exchange was over. The mothers took over, dragging them along to look at the wares, and Clara kept up a constant chatter, asking Dani a million questions.
When time was called and Dani had packed her chosen items and her mom’s in two separate bags, Chris helped her take the remaining clothes she’d brought that no one had taken and put them in the donation pile by the door. You had a choice: you could take your remaining stuff home or donate to the local clothing drive charity. Dani opted for the second, not wanting to haul the stuff home.
‘Those were some nice clothes,’ he said, eyeing the bags.
‘I’m kind of going for a Feng Shui kind of thing. If I don’t wear it, haven’t worn it in a year, or it doesn’t make me happy, I’m clearing it out. I’d rather they be put to good use.’
Clara and Helen had drifted out to wait in the parking lot, still catching up.
‘Sounds like you know more about yourself than you think,’ Chris said.
‘So tell me!’ she blurted. ‘Tell me what you have in mind. I’m dying to know but with Thelma and Louise hovering we couldn’t talk.’
He chuckled, reached out a hand and brushed a stray piece of hair from her eyes. ‘I told you I teach a night class.’
‘Yes.’ She drew the word out to show her growing impatience. ‘You don’t want me to paint, do you? Because, trust me, I’d be your first failure. I’d make you tear your hair out.’
He shook his head. ‘Nope. I need a model.’
She stood there, unsure of what to do or what to say. ‘A model?’
‘A nude model.’
‘A nude model!’
He pushed his hand over her mouth, laughing. ‘Don’t shout, Dani.’
When she inhaled she could smell the scent of him. It went right to her head like a drug. Chris somehow always managed to smell good. Even in the dreggy, soupy climate of an August in Maryland he’d always smelled good. Nothing had changed.
He looped his arm through hers and tugged her along toward the entrance. But they didn’t go out lest they be set upon by the mothers. That was how Dani was starting to think of them: the mothers. Almost like a horror-movie title. She giggled nervously.
‘Are you insane?’ she hissed by the door as the last of the attendees straggled past.
‘Nope. I’m perfectly sane. Look, you want to do something you’d never do. I need a beautiful model for my students to do a series of poses. It’s perfect. And it pays. You can use the money to restock your closet.’ He winked.
‘I … can’t. I mean … I couldn’t. That would be crazy.’ Her pulse pounded in her throat and she felt like her heart had lodged there.
‘No? See, I think you could.’
‘I …’
‘Just think about it,’ he said. ‘Give me your phone.’
Dani dug it out of her purse and handed it over without comment. He dialled a number and the phone in his pocket rang. He silenced it and then handed hers back.
‘There. Now you’re in my phone and I’m in yours. Just think about it. We can talk if you want. I can explain more.’
‘Christ,’ she said. ‘I’m thirty-two.’
‘You say that like it’s bad,’ he said, shaking his head. Those blue eyes bored into her and she felt naked right then. Was that what it would be like to shed her clothes in front of a bunch of strangers?
‘It’s not young.’
‘It’s not old.’
‘I’m probably not what you’re looking for.’
‘I wouldn’t have asked if that were true. I think not only do you know more about yourself than you think,’ he said, touching her elbow. ‘I think you’re more beautiful than you realise.’
‘Christopher!’
Dani and Chris turned, as if caught misbehaving, to see Clara in the doorway. ‘Let’s go. I told Virginia I’d be there at four. We have to go!’
He rolled his eyes so only Dani could see. Then he leaned in, gave her a quick, warm peck on the cheek and said in her ear. ‘Call me.’
Goosebumps sprang up along her neck from his warm breath and she nodded. It had been her first instinct to turn him down flat, right then, right there. But instead she said nothing. What the hell did that mean? Was she honestly considering standing nude in front of a classroom full of people?
In the car her mother was rummaging through a trash bag of clothing. ‘You should see this sweater I found. Amazing. It’s cashmere.’
‘Goat,’ Dani said, laughing.
‘Don’t be crass.’
‘It is goat!’
‘But cashmere sounds so much nicer, don’t you think?’ Her mother finally located her prize and pulled it out. A medium shade grey sweater with dark-dark red trim at the collar, cuffs and hem.
‘Doesn’t look like something you’d wear,’ Dani said. She turned the car back out onto the main road.
‘It’s not. Good Lord. I got it for you.’ Helen shoved the sweater into her lap as she drove.
‘Thanks for the goat sweater, Mom.’ She tried not to laugh, pressing her lips together in a tight line.
‘Let’s go eat. I’m starving.’
‘Where to?’
‘Bradley’s? I’d like a crab cake. Maybe two. Shopping for bargains makes me hungry.’
‘Too bad you couldn’t find an angora sweater,’ Dani said. ‘Then we’d have goat and rabbit.’ This time she failed to suppress her laughter.
Her mother swatted Dani’s arm. ‘Well, speaking of farm animals, did you see the cow eyes Christopher was giving you?’
Some foreign feeling that Dani couldn’t quite pin down flooded her system. Her ears buzzed slightly and she remembered him brushing that stray wisp of hair back. ‘Mom, Chris and I are just friends. You’re mistaken.’
Her mother snorted. ‘Hardly. I am an expert at spotting a smitten man. Besides,’ she said, rolling down her window just enough to let a little fresh air in, ‘he was madly in love with you in high school. Why should anything change? Clara said he’s single. She worries, you know. All that art, all the drive and fixation. No woman in his life. There was a girl, she said, once, they were together six years or so. She had hopes. Grandbabies, don’t you know. But it fizzled. And then poof!’
‘Poof?’
‘Poof! We run into them today and he’s making cow eyes at you.’
‘What exactly are cow eyes?’ Dani asked. They’d stopped at a red light and her mother took the opportunity to lean in, force her eyes wide and look somehow sorrowful and hopeful at the same time.
Dani barked laughter.
‘Those. Those are cow eyes.’
‘I think I’d remember Christopher looking at me that way. Because I would have run.’
‘Bah,’ said her mother. ‘You’re too wrapped up in denial. You should meet him for a drink,’ she said, helpfully.
‘I might.’ But in her head it was I will. Because I think I’m going to take my clothes off for his class …
* * *
She’d made it through crab cakes with her mother and her monologue about Christopher. Then Dani took her mom home, helped her with her bags and begged off home instead of staying for tea. Her excuse being she had laundry to do for work Monday morning.
It wasn’t a lie. But the solitude and quiet were the most important part. A full-blown introvert, Dani needed to decompress after the crush of people, the two older women, Chris’s proposal and just being around all that energy.
She hauled her bags inside, the cashmere sweater tossed over her shoulder, and dropped the whole shebang down the basement steps. She checked her messages, poured a glass of wine and turned on a cooking show. Something about grilling outside, something she’d never done in her entire life.
Her ironing stood in the corner of her bedroom, beckoning. Usually, she loathed the chore, but it was a necessary evil, at least when it came to work clothes. The doctors she worked for were sticklers about appearance and professionalism. Today, though, it seemed a good thing. She found it, occasionally, to be a Zen kind of activity. A way to clear her head when she was thinking in circles. There wasn’t anything much more straightforward and mundane than ironing. It could be as soothing as it was boring.
She started with her turquoise striped blouse, keeping one eye on the grilling guy on the screen. She abandoned him soon enough, lining up seams, humming, trying to picture herself naked in front of a room full of strangers.
And Christopher, she realised. A small, cool chill shivered up her spine. He’d be there. He’d see her without her clothes. Her old friend, her childhood buddy … that would be … weird.
‘Wouldn’t it, though?’ she mumbled. She caught sight of herself in the large dresser mirror. Standing there behind her ironing board, with a few tendrils of hair coming loose from her knot. Her cheeks were flushed and she looked like a woman who had a secret. Or was about to.
She stepped out from behind the ironing board and removed her boots and socks. After shucking her jeans, she stood there in her grey tunic regarding herself.
‘You’re not nineteen any more,’ she told the woman in the mirror.
But maybe nineteen was overrated. Maybe a thirty-two-year-old single woman who took fairly good care of herself was just fine, thank you very much.
Dani took a breath, pulled the tunic over her head. The heavy silver pendant fell against her chest with a thud. She pulled the periwinkle lace bralette over her head, letting her breasts fall free. Then, without looking at herself, she pushed her panties down and kicked them across the room.
She stood there, staring at herself in the mirror, attempting to see herself as a stranger would. Which was damn impossible, she realised. Impossible to shed her own hangups, worries and criticisms. But she tried.
She struck a pose and then covered her face. Despite being alone she felt the heat in her cheeks. She was blushing. Like an idiot.
Dani squared her shoulders, shook her hair out of its messy knot and fluffed it. Then she stood there, trying to look calm and unassuming as she’d seen nude models do in the movies and on TV. These artists – newbies, unassuming novices, she thought – wouldn’t be painting a pinup model. They’d be painting the nude form in a neutral pose.
She was a bit rounder than she was when she’d run through the woods and gone swimming in the local lake with Chris. Her hips had filled out, flared in a most feminine way. The slight swell of her lower belly seemed ripe and fertile instead of ugly. Her ribs still showed and around them the muscles she’d developed doing God knew how many down-dog poses and planks. Her breasts were still relatively where they belonged. Much fuller and rounder than in her teen years. She smiled, cocked her head. Moved her shoulders so that her collarbone stood out in full relief – the most fetching bone in the entire body, she felt.
‘Not too shabby,’ she whispered.
Her cellphone rang, vibrating in the middle of her bed, and she squealed, covering her breasts as if she’d been caught doing something shameful.
She grabbed it and answered without looking at the caller ID. ‘Hello?’
‘So, have you decided?’ Chris. She could tell just by the way he spoke that he was smiling.
That blush returned in her cheeks as if he could see her here, primping and preening in her mirror while the iron hissed and spat in the corner.
‘I have.’
‘And?’
‘And … I think … yes. But …’
‘But?’
‘But I need to know more. I mean, the details. It will help me decide for certain.’ Her tongue felt too big for her mouth. Her head felt fuzzy and light as if hovering a few feet above her body instead of actually being attached. ‘Can you tell me more?’
‘Sure. Of course. Why don’t we meet for a drink tomorrow? Justin’s on the Water down in Middle River?’
‘What time?’
‘Well, it’s Sunday tomorrow. We could go with the oldster crowd. Early dinner and drinks at threeish?’
‘I’ll be there.’
‘I think it will be good for you,’ he said, his voice deep and comforting.
‘Do you?’
‘I do. An emotional shakeup. Something to make you feel wild and brave and free. Instead of some crazed road trip where you roam the blacktop highways of our great nation, you can just come at night after work and take your clothes off.’
She shook her head. ‘You are so weird, Chris.’
‘Always have been,’ he said. Then he laughed, said goodbye and disconnected.
Dani put on a pair of sweats and a huge Henley that she’d stolen from Bob years before. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and went back to ironing and half listening to the TV grill master. Cinderella back to her scrubbing and mending …
Chapter 4 (#u35f8981b-9a28-530a-b419-2c3ac3048b25)
‘You look lovely,’ he said.
She looked down at the cashmere sweater her mother had snagged for her at the clothing swap. Atop black trousers and ankle boots, it made her look a bit dressed up without having to go all out. ‘My mom found it yesterday. It still had the dry-cleaning tags attached so I figured it was safe to wear.’
He touched the sleeve. ‘The colours work great with your skin tone.’
Despite the chilly weather and the cool breeze coming off the water, they’d opted for the deck. A big gust blew and Dani was grateful she’d decided to pull her hair back in a tight French braid. It blew again and her dangle earrings tinkled.
Chris grinned. ‘Human wind chime.’
The waitress, Cari according to the nametag on her sweatshirt, brought them two glasses of wine and two menus. Dani opened it but didn’t even look; she knew she’d be getting the Chicken Chesapeake. ‘So tell me. What would I do?’
He shrugged, glancing out at the water, his face lit by the softening colours of the sky – gold, pink, light blue. ‘You’d come in. I’d introduce you. You’d remove your robe. Then I’d tell you how to pose and then you just stay there. You just … model.’
Her stomach flipped as if something small and anxious lived within. ‘Utterly nude?’
Chris smiled. ‘Utterly nude. Unless the assignment calls for a drape or similar.’
‘How many nights?’
Cari the waitress returned and they ordered, Dani going with her favourite chicken, Chris opting for the surf and turf. A filet done medium rare and a crab cake. He spun his finger in the air over their drinks and smiled at the young woman. ‘And two more.’
Dani noticed that Cari lingered when taking the menu from him, making sure to brush her fingers against Chris’s.
‘I think you have an admirer,’ she teased.
He shook his head. ‘I think you’re imagining things.’
She opened her mouth to argue but he said, ‘And back to your question. I have a class that meets Monday and Wednesday from six to eight. And a Tuesday/Thursday class that meets six forty-five to eight forty-five. The first class are full-on newbies. Green as green can be. Just learning. The other class is a little more advanced. People who took my beginner class in the past and have returned. These particular courses run only three weeks. Four nights per class.’
‘So two hours a night … nude?’
‘Well, I get them set up, we go over class notes, assignments. I deal with questions and all that good stuff. So I’d say most classes you’d be in the buff maybe an hour to an hour and a half … ish.’
She took a deep breath as their new glasses returned. She’d drunk the first one way too fast because of nerves, but she took a fortifying swig anyway. ‘I feel woozy.’
‘Maybe slow down on the wine.’ He chuckled.
‘No, I feel woozy from thinking of standing there buck naked for that long.’
He touched the top of her hand, his fingertips warm despite the chill. ‘But also excited.’
She considered it. Then she nodded. ‘Yes, but excited. Oddly enough.’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Chris said. ‘It’s a thing. It’s a risk. If you were going to rappel down a cliff face or skydive or do that thing … the line thing.’
‘Zip line?’
‘Yeah. If you were going to do that over a rushing river in the jungle, you’d have that same buzz going on. Fear mixed with excitement and adrenalin. It’s a good feeling to have,’ he said. ‘It lets you know you’re alive. And there’s very little chance you’ll fall to your death while standing naked in a room full of budding art students.’
She hung her head and laughed. ‘True. A much safer way to get that buzz.’
Their food arrived and she took a bite and rolled her eyes, making a noise of pleasure. Then she said what she was thinking the whole time. ‘And you’ll be there?’
His blue eyes widened and then she saw amusement in them. It was almost annoying. That was probably because he’d grown into such a handsome man and he made her feel on edge all by himself. ‘Yeah. I am the teacher, Dani. I will be there.’
‘And you’ll look?’ She felt the heat in her cheeks and focused utterly on her meal as if it were the most amazing thing she’d ever seen.
‘I kind of have to look,’ he said. ‘If I don’t look, I won’t know what kind of job my students are doing. Is that it? Is it me that’s holding you back?’
‘Well, no … and yes. I don’t know. It seems kind of odd you seeing me naked after all these years.’
He shrugged. ‘I’ve seen you naked before.’
‘You have not!’
‘Sure. That last summer before I went off to college. We were changing at the lake to go swimming. You went behind a tree …’
‘You looked!’ she said, mouth hanging open a little. Dani was grateful there was no food in her mouth because she couldn’t seem to close it.
‘Not on purpose at first. We had Luke with us.’
She nodded. Luke had been Chris’s yellow lab. He’d just been a puppy that summer. ‘And? So?’
‘So he took off, probably trying to get to you. I went after him and when I looked up … there you were.’
‘And you kept looking!’ She heard the squeak in her voice and hated it. It had been ages ago. So what if he’d looked.
He grinned at her. It coerced fine lines into existence around his eyes. They made him even more handsome. When had he grown up so much? Had he been this good-looking when they’d been traipsing the woods together? Swimming? Riding their bikes into town to catch a matinee or visit the ice-cream shop?
‘I was seventeen, you were beautiful. I had little self-control. I only looked for a moment. But yeah … I looked.’
‘Oh,’ she said, not sure what else to say. Then to her surprise she said, ‘And?’
Chris shook his head. ‘And what?’
‘And what did you think?’
He sat back in his chair and put his napkin in his lap. He was laughing. ‘Is that a real question?’
‘Yes.’
‘I thought you were magnificent. But Dani, I thought that before I happened to please the gods and they allowed me a glimpse of you without your clothes. I had quite a crush on you back in the day.’
She swallowed hard. Despite food and wine and the glass of iced water that sat in front of her, her throat felt as dry as a desert. ‘You did?’
‘You didn’t know?’
‘No.’
‘That’s because you were all hung up on that guy Good Wood.’
‘Gus Wood,’ she echoed derisively.
‘Whatever.’
‘I had no idea …’ She returned to her chicken, taking small bites, forcing herself to eat.
‘So, what’s the verdict?’
‘The verdict is I’ll do it. When do I start?’
‘Tomorrow night.’
‘Right away!’
‘Yes, right away. I told you I was in a bind. I needed a model. You’re now my model. Fall classes begin tomorrow. See you at six sharp.’
‘I … um …’
He just watched her. His eyes seemed to see right down into her bones. She felt more naked than naked. ‘Um?’
‘Yes,’ she finally said. ‘I’ll be there. I might need a tranquiliser to calm myself down but I’ll be there.’
‘Excellent,’ he said, touching her elbow. Just briefly, but the heat of that single touch snaked up her arm.
Now she was losing it. Getting gaga and goofy over Christopher. Her tomboy buddy. Her swim partner.
The boy that saw you naked and liked it …
She shook the thought off. Was she that desperate for approval that fifteen-year-old admiration could affect her so much? Maybe.
They spent the rest of dinner talking about their moms, the loss of their fathers, and current events. When Dani left she felt a warm glow, not all from the Cabernet; she’d forgotten how easy Chris was to talk to. It was like coming home. Talking to someone who understood you. A very comforting feeling. And a very dangerous one.
‘It’s just a job,’ she told herself as she crawled into bed. ‘Nothing more.’
Chapter 5 (#u35f8981b-9a28-530a-b419-2c3ac3048b25)
It wasn’t easy concentrating on her day job while anticipating her new night gig. She wandered through her day at the office in a sort of daze, trying desperately to imagine what it would actually feel like to take her clothes off and then reveal herself in front of a room full of strangers. In front of Chris – all-grown-up Chris – not young horny Chris.
‘You OK? Your cheeks are red as hell. Coming down with something?’ Cheryl, one of the physicians’ assistants, and Dani’s very best friend, stood in the doorway of her office.
‘I’m fine. Just trying to work the holiday schedule for the part-timers. It’s not easy. I do it early so people can bitch and swap and barter with their days ahead of time.’
It was the truth. The November and December part-time schedule was up on her PC and she was dragging employee names around the board. It was the world’s worst game of solitaire.
‘Want to grab lunch? Just a quickie downstairs in the cafeteria?’
Dani blew out a sigh and nodded. ‘Sure. I could use a break.’
They took the elevator down to the first floor of the medical building. The complex was like a working city of its own. In one large area they housed a tower of doctors of various kinds, a radiation centre, an imaging centre, a cancer centre, a pharmacy and a cafeteria.
Dani ordered a chef salad and Cheryl rolled her eyes. ‘Health nut. I’ll have the turkey, mashed potatoes, veg medley and cheesecake, Dolly.’
Dolly, the cafeteria manager, grinned. ‘There you go. A girl with a good appetite.’
‘Not like Bugs Bunny over here,’ Cheryl said, bumping against Dani playfully.
Normally she’d have laughed. Normally she’d have been tempted by the plate of comfort food. Today she had no appetite and didn’t want to be stuffed full of carbs and gravy when she took her clothes off.
Cheryl managed to snag a table, a true feat given the cafeteria only sported five small tables with two chairs each. ‘So what’s wrong? You look like you saw a ghost.’
‘A ghost of my much younger self,’ she retorted before she could stop herself.
Cheryl raised an eyebrow. ‘Explain.’
‘I’m going to be doing some modelling. Starting tonight.’
‘Oooooh,’ Cheryl drawled. ‘Spill.’
‘An old friend from my neighbourhood when I was growing up …’ It took some effort to swallow the lettuce she’d been chewing. ‘He’s an art teacher. And he needed a model. I ran into Chris the other day while I was out with my mom. He proposed I do the modelling. To shake things up a bit. I was telling my tale of marital woe and dating horrors.’
‘Nice. Naked modelling. Go, you.’
‘You don’t think it’s weird?’
Cheryl shook her head. She cut off a piece of turkey breast and before putting it in her mouth said, ‘Sweetie, one woman’s weird is another woman’s freedom. Not to sound too hippy-dippy but—’
Dani couldn’t help but cut her off with a laugh. Cheryl wore her generic scrubs to work every day but when she wasn’t working she was in hand-tie-dyed yoga pants, long broomstick skirts, festive colourful tunics, Birkenstocks and Buddhist beads. She was like Superman. A mild-mannered physicians’ assistant in the office, a colourful wild child outside of it.
‘Sorry,’ Dani said.
Cheryl winked at her. ‘I know. I am hippy-dippy. You have to do what’s right for you. Screw everyone else. If this calls to you, I say, do it. Shuck your clothes, strut your stuff, have an affair or three.’
‘What?’ Dani yelped. She pushed her salad away. Her appetite had fled.
‘Well, if you’re going to be standing up there naked you might as well do something about it.’
‘That wasn’t my intention. Breaking out of my rut was my intention.’
Eyes twinkling like some fairy godmother with an evil plan, Cheryl said, ‘What better way to break out of your rut than with some hot, sweaty, string-free sex?’
‘I …’ Dani didn’t know what to say. She just shook her head.
‘I know you’re not really looking to date. And you’re definitely not looking for a relationship right now. But who said you have to have either in order to have some fun?’
‘I’m terrified,’ Dani admitted.
‘So,’ Cheryl pointed her fork at Dani’s discarded meal. ‘Is this why the rabbit food?’
‘Mostly because food is repugnant. I’m a ball of anxiety.’
Cheryl waved a hand. ‘Don’t be. Girl, you’re built like a brick shithouse. Sorry. That’s crude, but it’s what my grandmother would have said.’ She chuckled.
‘I’m not skinny,’ Dani said softly.
‘So? Have you ever seen art? I mean real art? Most of those women are not skinny. They’re lush. They’re curvy. They’re spectacular! And so are you.’
‘But magazines, TV, media—’ Dani said, not finishing the sentence.
‘Are all full of shit,’ Cheryl said, finishing where Dani had left off. ‘Look, this is art. That’s advertising. How else are they going to sell us their potions and products if they don’t tell us we’re not good enough? You’re not flawed, baby. You’re an amazing, gorgeous, real woman. I say, go for it. And if you get a chance at some eye-rolling, body-melting, mind-warping sex … go for that too.’
‘I hadn’t even thought of that.’
‘Of course not. That’s what I’m for,’ Cheryl said. She checked her watch. ‘Eat up. We’re back on the clock in ten. And you have a big night ahead of you as a muse. You need your strength.’ She pushed the chef salad back in front of Dani.
Dani did her best, eating as much as she could. She was fine. She was perfect. She was exactly what she was meant to be. New things often threw her off the rails. She’d just breathe and go with it.
* * *
She got a text at five that simply said: See you in an hour J from Christopher.
‘Yes,’ she muttered. ‘Yes, you will. All of me.’
Dani wasn’t dumb. She’d subconsciously chosen a very modest outfit to wear to go to the college. Leggings and a form-fitting white tunic overlaid with another flowing oatmeal-coloured tunic. A long necklace, ankle boots, her hair down free, which would probably be a mistake. When she got nervous she played with it. Obsessively.
She punched Cheryl’s number in and her friend answered on the third ring. ‘There’s the model!’
‘Ugh,’ Dani said. ‘What am I going to do? I think they’ll have me wear my hair down. How am I going to stand still? How am I going to not fidget? You know I’m a fidgeter!’
‘Yes, you are. When you’re stressed at work and in the zone, that leg of yours goes up and down like you’re spurring on some invisible horse.’
Dani moaned and Cheryl laughed. ‘What if I have to pee?’
‘Then tell your old friend you have to pee. Like the book says, everyone pees. OK, it’s everyone poops, but same concept.’
‘This was a stupid idea.’
‘Hush,’ Cheryl said, a bit roughly. Dani took a deep breath and stopped her melodramatics. ‘You just have to be Zen. Breathe. Deep breaths, long exhales. You’ll get into a zone. You will be fine. I have utter faith in you.’
‘That makes one of us.’
‘Did you at least eat something so you don’t pass out?’
‘I had a smoothie.’
‘Well, there, that’s plenty.’ The sarcasm in Cheryl’s voice was thick enough to cut with a knife.
‘It was a protein smoothie.’
‘Better but still …’
‘I cannot eat. I’ll vomit. I’ll die. I’ll …’
‘You’ll snap out of it and go do this thing. Look,’ Cheryl said on a sigh, ‘you wouldn’t have had the instinct to say yes if this wasn’t something you wanted. Now the trick is to own it. You’re talking yourself out of it. Instead of should-ing all over yourself you’re shouldn’t-ing all over yourself. Knock it off.’
‘Shouldn’t-ing?’
‘Yeah. You’re giving yourself every reason in the world not to do it. Flip it around. Give yourself every reason in the world to go through with it. Why’d you say yes in the first place?’
‘Because it’s something I’ve never done.’
‘And?’
‘And that’s exactly what I wanted. Something I’d never do. I want to do something I’d never do. Get that rush. Take a chance.’
‘Then stop whining and do it.’
She could tell her friend was smiling and then Dani found herself smiling. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry. Thanks for talking me off the ledge. I’d better go soon. I’ll text you later. Let you know how it was.’
‘The hell you will! You’ll call me and let me know how it was.’
‘Deal,’ Dani said. Then she cut the call, grabbed her bag and headed out. Every time a stab of anxiety lanced through her, she shut it down. She breathed, she focused and she muttered over and over, ‘This will be fine … this will be good … you can do this.’
She threw in an ‘Om’ for good measure.
Chapter 6 (#u35f8981b-9a28-530a-b419-2c3ac3048b25)
Dani hovered there in the doorway. Christopher looked up and smiled. He said something to a student, patted the young man’s shoulder, and headed her way. ‘There you are.’
‘Here I am.’
‘Nervous?’ He gave her a quick hug. ‘Never mind. Don’t answer. You’re stiff as a board and practically vibrating. I’ll take that as a yes.’
‘Extremely,’ she said anyway.
‘You’ll be fine.’ He kissed her forehead and that small gesture calmed her raging nerves a little. ‘Be right back,’ he said.
He came back with a brightly patterned patchwork kimono. ‘Ladies’ room is down on the right. You can just slip into this and come back when you’re ready. We have a few things to go over before we start.’
‘Everything?’ she asked. Her breath came in little fits. Her heart banged like an angry creature caged in her chest.
He gave her a half smile. ‘Everything.’
She sighed. ‘Is this … clean?’
He chuckled. ‘It is. I take it home at the end of each semester and wash it thoroughly.’
‘Once a semester!’
He tried not to laugh and failed. ‘I take it home every week. Or I let the model take it home and launder it. It’s only going to be you wearing it, you can be in charge or I can. But I assure you, it’s clean.’
‘Sorry. I’m being a bit … obsessive. I’ll go change.’
He gave her a small squeeze and let her go. ‘Just breathe. This is going to be good. You’re going to do great.’
In the ladies’ room she stood inside a stall and manoeuvred out of her clothes. All that work choosing her sleek, modest outfit and she was stripping naked in a forest-green cubicle while trying not to drop her shoes in the toilet. She folded everything with shaking fingers and stuffed it into the empty canvas tote bag she’d brought. When she was naked, she took a big deep breath, shut her eyes and willed her body to calm down. An electric current seemed to be running beneath her skin. She was electric. Alive.
‘Alive,’ she muttered. ‘Remember that. This is the feeling before a big step. Before taking a chance. This is good.’
It dawned on her that, despite her near terror, she still wanted to do it. Something about baring herself fully in front of strangers was intoxicating.
‘Right,’ Dani muttered. She pulled on the oversized kimono, wrapped it tight around her and held it with one hand. She grabbed her bag and her tote with the other and left the stall. She spared herself one glance in the bathroom mirror as she left. Her cheeks blazing with blush, her hair down and full and slightly windblown. Her eyes startled and shiny with a mix of anxiety and what could only be described as arousal.
‘Here we go,’ she told the woman in the mirror and then she left the small room and padded down the hall to Chris’s classroom.
* * *
Christopher was just wrapping up his welcome speech when she entered. He smiled, waved a hand at her and said, ‘This, class, is your first assignment. This is my friend Dani. Dani will be your nude model tonight. I want to get her set up quickly because you’ll need the majority of class to get your sketch down and then you can fiddle with it.’
Someone in the class laughed and Dani felt the blush in her cheeks bleed down to her chest. She had the urge to laugh or maybe cry. She definitely had the instinct to run. Somehow she managed to tamp it down and tune back into what Chris was saying.
‘Obviously, it will depend on how many of you have complete or nearly complete works by the end of class. If we need to set her up in the same pose next time we will. If not, we’ll move forward. Dani,’ he said, addressing her. He wore that small calming smile she remembered from her youth. Somehow, no matter what they were about to do – diving into a swimming hole rumoured to be the home of water snakes, racing downhill on their bikes at Turner’s Twister, a particularly challenging twist of country road, or egging houses the last Halloween before he left for college – his smile had always acted as a soothing balm on her worry. ‘This is the class. If for any reason you need to take a break, you just say my name. Other than that, you just do your best to stay as I position you.’
Dani nodded, not trusting her voice.
He moved towards her and an interesting thing happened. Maybe not interesting, she thought wildly, more like unanticipated. Between her thighs she went damp. So fast and so much she worried that the students would see. So much that she felt an urgent need to be touched. Or touch herself.
Great …
Because that was the moment Christopher reached her and said, ‘Can you drop your robe, please?’
For a split second it was only them in the room. Time stood still and he was asking her to disrobe for him. And him alone.
She shook her head and his forehead crinkled. He didn’t know she was shaking her head at her own internal ramblings. So, to clear things up, she took an enormous breath, blew it out and opened the kimono. Then she let it fall free of her body.
Cool air kissed her skin. Her nipples pebbled instantly. She saw Christopher register it. His expression changing, his pupils dilating. But then he retrained his gaze to her face and smiled. He arranged her to his liking. A not too difficult pose to hold. One hip cocked just so, her right hand at her side, her left on her hip. Her head slightly tilted.
The wetness at the apex of her thighs had turned to a steady thumping pulse that matched her pounding heart. She bit her lip, trying not to focus on the fact that her body apparently thought there was sex to be had.
Then she tried Cheryl’s advice. She went Zen. She thought of one of her favourite things. Falling leaves. The weather outside had turned. The leaves had changed to golden honey tones, vibrant reds and spectacular shades of orange. She pictured a single leaf in her mind and studied it. The different shades, the sombre hues, the veins …
She was vaguely aware of Christopher walking back to his desk. Of him urging the class on and making a joke that he was now going to tackle a mountain of paperwork. And that at the one-hour mark they’d allow a fifteen-minute break for Dani to stretch and walk around.
Her anxiety morphed into calm. Her instinct to flee changed to a heavy kind of patience. She stood there, focused inward, aware that they were all looking at her body. Studying it. Putting it down on paper.
It’s sort of like being immortalised. The thought flickered through her mind and then she let it go.
She could do this. She was doing this.
* * *
Dani felt eyes on her. Of course she did. Many, many eyes. But when she’d come back from her fifteen-minute break a bit calmer, not so incredibly freaked out by the exposure of the whole situation, she felt a particular set of eyes.
Chris had asked her not to make eye contact. To try and act as if the class wasn’t there at all. ‘Look off into the distance like the maidens in the classic works of art,’ he’d said with a small smile.
She’d snorted with amusement. To even try and put herself in that category, even to get into a mindset, was laughable.
Chris tugged a piece of her hair and she heard herself gasp like a scandalised maiden. ‘You can do it,’ he said, ‘You know what I mean.’
He’d gone back to the classroom then, leaving her in the hall to walk and stretch her muscles. She touched the end of that lock of hair, feeling the surge of heat and pain and then the little blip of pleasure all over again. He hadn’t tugged her hair in … too many years to count.
Back in the classroom she’d kept her eyes pinned to that land of far off. She occasionally glanced at Chris but he was studiously not looking at her. Was that for her comfort or because he didn’t want to see? She had no idea.
When she became aware of what felt like a steady, intense gaze boring into her, the fine hairs along her arms stirred. She used all her self-control not to look, until finally she did. All the crazy stuff Cheryl had said to her about affairs and no strings and all that madness had come back to her. She looked. She couldn’t stand it.
Man bun was staring.
She blinked slowly and then tried to pull her gaze back from his. It was almost impossible. Dark-brown eyes, so dark they seemed like they could swallow her up. His equally dark hair was tied up at the back in a modern day hipster samurai bun. She should have found it amusing. He was probably five or six years her junior. But the whole package – the broad shoulders, the bun, the liquid ink eyes, and then he tossed in a half-smile – was pretty spectacular.
He cocked an eyebrow at her and she was severely aware of that wetness between her thighs returning. With a vengeance.
Chapter 7 (#ulink_384c6fb1-8d29-5278-9003-04f1f3ffd148)
She was almost out the door, on her way to her car. Dani had a hankering for a big-ass glass of wine, hell, maybe a bottle. The adrenalin rush had reemerged when she’d been told to put her clothes back on. She’d done it. She had actually fucking done it. She found herself clutching her tote bag and her purse with trembling fingers and her legs felt made of wet spaghetti.
‘Hello?’
She turned, one hand rising to her chest to cover her thumping heart, because this hall had no other classes this evening and he’d scared the hell out of her.
Man bun.
‘Um … oh, hi. Sorry, you scared me.’
‘Sorry.’ He shoved his hands into the pockets of his faded skinny jeans. No doubt very expensive jeans that were manipulated and abused to look as if they’d received years of steady use to make them soft and distressed. ‘Wasn’t my intention.’
She nodded, waiting, heart now pounding like some wild tribal drum. What was this?
‘I don’t usually do this …’ He trailed off. She saw, despite his confident personal fashion and roguish straying eyebrow, he was rather shy.
‘Do what?’ she prompted.
He chuckled. It was a lovely self-deprecating, deep sound. ‘Confuse women in the hallway.’ He sighed, leaning against a locker and regarded her. ‘What I meant to say is I don’t usually see women out of their clothes until after I’ve asked them out. This time I’m reversing it. Asking out a woman I’ve already seen out of her clothes.’
‘You don’t know my name,’ she said, stupidly.
‘You could fix that. You could tell me.’
‘Dani,’ she said. ‘Dani Young.’
‘Kevin Buck,’ he said, holding out a hand. ‘But I did know your name, remember? The prof told us.’
She took it but a small laugh escaped her. She had forgotten. Entirely. ‘Buck?’
He nodded, eyes shining with amusement. ‘Yep. Buck. I’ve gotten them all. Young Buck, Don’t give a Buck, Quick Buck …’
‘I’m sorry.’ She shook and released, uncomfortable with how much she liked the feel of his hand on hers. ‘I’ve just never heard that name before. I wasn’t making judgement. Sorry about the names too …’
He shook his head, took a step back as if to show her how harmless and charming he was. ‘No big deal. It could have been worse. A lot worse. So about that proposal of mine …’
‘Going out?’
‘A drink maybe?’
‘When?’ Had she just asked when? She’d meant to say no.
‘Wednesday after class?’
Dani swallowed hard. Cheryl’s voice was echoing in her head. Her encouragement to explore. When she opened her mouth again she heard herself say, ‘Yes. Sure. That’s great.’
He nodded – it was nearly a bow – and the samurai bun bobbed. She smiled. A few small tendrils had escaped, and she imagined he liked it like that, but she had the urge to tuck them back into the artfully messy mass he’d created. And to see if his hair was as soft as it looked.
Instead, she pushed her hands into her jacket pocket and said, ‘I’ll see you at class, then.’
‘Absolutely,’ he said. ‘Maybe when I’m done I can show you my sketch of you.’
‘Oh, I don’t think I want to see that.’
There went that errant eyebrow again.
She cleared her throat. ‘What I mean is, I don’t want to see myself. It makes me … twitchy. There’s a better chance I’ll stick with this if I don’t see myself. If I see myself on paper from someone else’s perspective … I’d probably not like it. It would probably upset me.’
Why was she telling him this? Nerves. It was the only answer she had.
He moved a little closer and brushed her shoulder with his palm. ‘It makes me sad to hear that. Maybe one day you’ll change your mind,’ he said. ‘You’re spectacular.’
The next thing she knew she was pushing out into the chilly night. It felt like they’d get their first frost. Dani watched her breath make ghosts in the darkness as she exhaled. She’d survived her first class and man bun, aka Kevin, had asked her out.
‘Not too shabby,’ she whispered.
* * *
He was painting her. Kevin Buck. With his dark, mussed man bun and his bottomless gaze. But not on paper. Not on canvas. He was painting her. He had his tongue tucked between his teeth as he worked. Every time the slick cool smear of paint touched her skin, followed by the kiss of a red sable brush, she had to suppress a shiver. But worse than that, every stroke he laid down on her skin as he worked acted as a bellows to the heat that was growing between her legs. Dani shifted just a little and he said softly, ‘Stay still, Dani.’
The paint whirled around her nipple. Which instantly stiffened and went insane. The flesh wanting to tingle and ache all at the same time. She squeezed her thighs together and that only made it worse. Vibrant cobalt blue began to cover that small halo of flesh. He dipped, he swirled, he dipped, he swirled, and she found she couldn’t catch her breath.
‘I told you that you were spectacular,’ Kevin said, grinning. Now a small paintbrush was clamped between his white teeth. Teeth, she noticed, that were just crooked enough to be adorable and charming.
He found a larger brush, examined it and nodded as if it pleased him. She managed a small sip of air, enough to steady her buzzy head a little.
The large brush made bright streaks of cool orange paint down from just below her blushing-blue breast and towards her navel. Her stomach muscles trembled and he didn’t say a word. It was obvious she had no control over something as instinctive and primitive as that tremble.
He painted past the shallow divot of her belly button and the thick streak landed right above her mound.
Is he going to paint my pussy? … is he going to stroke that over my clit? … is he going to? … is he going to?
The words were a runaway freight train running through her mind. She bit her tongue and tried to keep her focus.
‘Your colour balance is off,’ said a voice.
They both looked up to find Chris there. She nearly died. The heat between her thighs became liquid and uncontrollable. Now he was here. Watching. Watching Kevin paint her … literally.
Kevin stopped and stared at his instructor. ‘I disagree.’
‘She should be in reds and golds, maybe a touch of copper. It matches who she is.’
‘I think this matches who she is.’
‘She looks like a clown fish.’
Kevin frowned. She said nothing. Her head whipped back and forth as if watching a tennis match. When Chris stepped forward and selected his own brush, all the air she had managed to keep in her lungs fled.
Chris took his brush and it came up crimson and spread the paint, slick and cool, around her other nipple. The lick of the brush was a trailing comet of pleasure. He took his time, face serious, brow furrowed as he painted out in ever widening circles. When her breast was nearly rimmed in red, he changed brushes and painted a trim of gold whirls. He too went and chose a larger brush, as her chest rose and fell in fits and starts from trying to breathe.
Copper gleamed thick and shimmering on the paintbrush. He started at the top of her thigh, bringing his lines up to kiss the V of her thighs. Dani’s body jerked of its own accord and for a moment their eyes met. Those blue eyes of his seemed to see right down into the flaming centre of her. The part of her that wanted, one of them, either of them, hell, both of them, to dip that brush between her thighs. To paint the part of her that screamed the most for contact.
Instead he curled his painted feathering line up her belly to meet the crimson and gold at her breast.
Dani thought they’d pushed her as far as she could go until Chris dropped his brush and squatted down in front of her. His torso facing her bare sex, his face close to her naked breasts, cloaked in nothing but thin cold layers of drying paint.
‘Your brush strokes are messy,’ he said to Kevin.
Kevin cocked his head, frowned, his samurai bun momentarily disturbed by the movement. Chris traced a large fingertip around the brush strokes that dotted Dani’s nipple. That already tight knot of flesh grew tighter still. Surely it would crack the paint, she thought wildly.
His fingertips ran along the seams of the blue that adorned her left breast. When he started to travel the trail of the screaming orange she saw white spots dance in her eyes. Inside her, everything clenched. Everything grew wetter. Everything screamed for that finger to travel all the way to its ultimate – most coveted – destination.
His fingertips licked the top of her thigh, stopping where the paint ended. His bright-blue gaze was on her again and he smiled. ‘You should paint her the way she deserves to be painted. Like the art she is.’ Then he dragged his finger down between her legs and slipped it over that swollen, hard part of her that needed his touch more than she needed air to breathe.
Dani woke tangled in her sheets, panting, her hand shoved firmly between her thighs. Her arousal, while she slept, had reached a feverish level. As the sun came up slowly, turning the light in her room from purple to periwinkle to smoky grey, she slid her trembling fingers over her clit. Abandoning that when it didn’t feel big enough, bold enough. She pushed two fingers inside herself, grinding her clit against her palm as she hooked and curled her fingers. Finally, on the brink of dying or coming, she found her clit with her other hand and with just a few gentle strokes (like the kiss of a paintbrush), she came.
‘Jesus,’ she said to the ceiling. ‘Fuck.’
* * *
‘What happened to you?’ Cheryl was leaning in her doorway, arms crossed, smirk on her face.
‘What?’ Dani finished her coffee, studying the liquid intently so as to avoid looking at her friend.
‘You look like you got slapped. Twice.’ She laughed and touched a fingertip to each of her cheeks to indicate where she meant.
Dani instantly pressed her palms to her cheeks. They were warm. Of course they were warm! She’d been sitting here trying to place a paper fucking towel order for the restrooms and instead reliving her vivid, lascivious sex dream that involved not one but two men. One of them her old friend who’d been more like a brother to her.
‘Oh.’
‘Oh? That’s it?’
‘That’s it.’
‘Did you get laid?’ Cheryl stage-whispered as she stepped inside and closed the office door.
‘No!’
‘Hmm. You sure look like you got laid.’
‘Nope.’
Cheryl kept her blue-grey eyes trained on Dani until she started to squirm. She was like an inquisitor. It was unbearable. Finally, Dani waved a hand and blurted, ‘I had a sexy dream. That’s all. I had a sex dream. I’m a teenage boy, sue me!’
Cheryl leaned against the door. Her eyes were shining in that way that meant she smelled gossip. Dirt. The goods.
‘Tell me,’ she said, sitting down in one of Dani’s two visitor chairs.
Dani leaned back in her chair and sighed. ‘I’m supposed to be doing … this …’ She waved a hand at the mess of papers on her desk and her humming computer.
‘Take a break from that and tell me what prompted zis zex dream,’ she said, steepling her fingers. ‘How does it make you feel?’
‘Well, Dr Freud …’ Dani riposted. Then she shook her head. ‘It was nothing. Just mental junk floating through my head while I slept. Stress, worry, thrill, Kevin Buck. Whatever.’
Cheryl held up a hand, eyes comically wide. ‘Did you say … Kevin Buck?’
Dani was unable to suppress a small giggle. ‘Yep.’
‘What on earth is a Kevin Buck and where did you get one?’
‘Kevin Buck is a student in the Monday-night class. He asked me out for a drink after tomorrow night’s class.’
‘Is he a …’ Cheryl looked at the ceiling as if steeling herself. ‘Young buck?’
Then her head tipped back and she was laughing, trying to suck in air. Dani, sleep-deprived and still shellshocked from her dream, couldn’t help but join in, gave into her own laughter. ‘Actually, he is. I think he’s a few years younger than me.’
‘What’s he look like?’ Cheryl was leaning on her desk now, a stack of colourful sticky notes trapped beneath her crossed arms. ‘Spill. I’m old, I’m married and I need the mental fodder.’
‘First off, I call him man bun.’
‘Ooh, he has the man bun. This is good. Go on.’
‘Dark hair, dark eyes, dark stubble. Tall, lanky but muscled, well built, great smile, nice, funny. You know, typical guy who’d make your shoes melt if he asked you out.’
‘And he did. He did ask you out!’ Cheryl crowed.
‘He did. And I said no.’
Cheryl’s face fell.
‘At first. Then I said yes. We’re going out tomorrow after class.’
‘Good, this is excellent. Good for you, Dani!’
Dani glanced at the clock. ‘If we’re going to waste time, we might as well go eat. I’m not super productive as it is. I feel bad using work time to gossip.’
‘Let’s go. Early lunch, then. It’s slow today. Three cancellations and it was a light day to begin with.’
Together they rode the elevator down and headed to the cafeteria. ‘You know I have sex dreams,’ said Cheryl. ‘Usually about Paul, but sometimes not. Sometimes it’s that strapping, deep-voiced Idris Elba. Sometimes, it’s that guy who plays Sherlock. The one who looks like the human embodiment of a bored feline. Weird name. Anyway, in this one, he takes this ribbon and—’
‘Ah!’ Dani said. ‘TMI, Cheryl. TMI!’
Cheryl frowned. ‘Oh, come on.’
They entered the cafeteria, ordered their food and found a table. ‘Just let me learn to digest my own sex dreams before I have to digest yours.’
‘Fine, fine,’ Cheryl mumbled. ‘But you never told me what it was. What happened?’
Dani stirred her chicken noodle soup and stalled by crumbling crackers into it. Finally, Cheryl had had enough. She took the final pack, smashed it by squeezing it in her fist and dumped it in. ‘Tell.’
‘He painted me.’
Her friend shook her head. ‘He painted you? So? Isn’t he painting you in class?’
Dani shook her head. ‘No, he’s drawing me in class. And I meant, he painted me. He painted my body with paint using a paintbrush. And he … strayed dangerously close to highly sensitive areas.’ Her phone buzzed.
‘Oh … sexy painting. I get it. Cool. He painted you and?’
Dani’s phone buzzed again. She held up a finger and answered. ‘Hello?’
‘Hey, it’s Chris.’
Her face was suddenly on fire. Her pulse a wicked thump and bang in her veins. She could feel it in the very centre of her forehead, a thrumming rush.
‘Hi.’ God, her voice was breathy. Weak. Maidenly.
‘Hey,’ Chris said. ‘Just making sure you’re still coming tonight. That you didn’t get home and decide I was insane to suggest it and you were equally insane to accept.’
Momentarily speechless, Dani was focused on the thoughts running through her mind. The first being: You should paint her the way she deserves to be painted. Like the art she is … What he’d said about her in her filthy, filthy dream.
The other followed swiftly: He sat and watched you stand there nude last night. Utterly naked. Without a stitch of clothing …
‘Hello? Dani?’
Cheryl was watching her, an avid look on her face. She could smell the drama, Dani was sure.
‘Yes. Sorry. I’m here. And yes, I’ll be there. I don’t think you’re insane. The verdict is still out on me, though.’ She forced a laugh and cringed to hear the vaguely lunatic tone of her laughter.
‘Good. I’ll see you then. You did great last night. Spectacular. You looked amazing, Dani,’ he said. A few beats of silence while she tried to prompt herself to thank him but failed. Then he cleared his throat. ‘OK, then. I’ll see you tonight. New class. They’re going to love you too.’
She managed a strangled ‘OK’ and then ‘bye’ and then he was gone.
‘So who was that?’
‘Chris. The friend of mine who thought up this whole crazy thing. He teaches the art class.’
Cheryl sat back looking very smug. ‘Friend?’
Dani nodded, stirring her soup but not actually eating it. ‘Yep. Since we were teenagers. Grew up in the same neighbourhood.’
‘Just friends?’
‘Yes.’ Her tongue sort of stuck to the roof of her mouth so she took a sip of water. Then another.
‘So why are you blushing like a virginal bride?’
‘I’m not.’
‘Oh, darling. You are.’
‘He’s just a friend. I swear.’
Cheryl made a noncommittal noise. ‘Not sure I buy that. I think someone might be hot for teacher.’
Dani decided that telling her friend that Chris had also had a starring role in her dream would be a very bad idea. She stirred her soup and sipped her water until it was time to go back upstairs to her office. She just had to get through the day and then not freak out when she saw Chris. No big deal, really. The dream hadn’t meant anything. Her mother had always called dreams ‘psychic junk’. Whatever was floating around in your subconscious that day came out to play when you slept. A great big amusement park of debris and detritus that made up one giant vat of nonsense soup.
She’d always believed that. She still did. Mostly.
Chapter 8 (#ulink_80a647b3-fbd1-5b1a-8eb2-ef488e695f5c)
Dani was running late. Her boot heels tapped out a hurried rhythm on the tile as she raced toward the classroom. She couldn’t find her keys when it came time to leave the house and had finally, after much swearing and panic, found them under her purse instead of in the bowl by the door where she normally kept them.
Chris was speaking to his Tuesday-night class when she rushed in. He looked up, surprised but not annoyed, and then a strange look passed across his face like a cloud blocking out the sun for a moment.
‘Sorry,’ she said, softly. ‘I had a snafu. If you could just give me my—’
He went to the brass coat rack by his desk and pulled the kimono down. ‘Class, this is Dani Young, our model for tonight. When you sketch her, I expect you to catch the roses in her cheeks from running.’ He handed her the robe and stroked a fingertip along the jut of her cheekbone. Then he winked at her and said softly, ‘You’re fine. Go change.’
She nodded, clutching the robe, and hurried off to the restroom to change into, well, nothing.
This was a hell of a way to not be nervous, she thought. Be late. Be more upset that you’re tardy than that you have to reveal all your secret bits to another group of strangers. But the fact that she wasn’t very nervous about that at all, was in fact more nervous about seeing Chris after that stupid dream, made the night seem even more surreal than the previous class.
She walked into tonight’s class. Brand-new faces regarded her. Some interested, some slightly embarrassed, some bored. Tonight she was able to meet eyes and size people up. She didn’t think the Zen thing would be necessary this time but took a deep breath just in case.
‘I’ll show you your pose, Dani,’ Chris said, rising from his seat. ‘I try to mix things up,’ he said as he got closer.
She caught a whiff of his aftershave. Woodsy and subtle. It filled her senses for a split second and the fine hairs on her arm rose up. Chris was manipulating her arms as she stood there utterly nude and to her surprise he spotted that detail. ‘Cold?’ he whispered so the class couldn’t hear.
His hot breath moved across her skin as he spoke and her nipples spiked, hard and sensitive before she could even begin to will them not to. As if that were possible.
Lying was the best option. ‘A little,’ she whispered.
He nodded, moved her hands so that her right hand clasped her left wrist, almost obscuring her sex from the viewers. He took his fingertips and tilted her head just so. ‘I’ll turn the heat up a little bit. I know this pose is a tiny bit awkward, I try to make them simple, not just for them, but for you, as well. Just do your best, OK?’
She almost nodded and caught herself. ‘OK,’ she said softly.
All she wanted was for him to move away from her and fast. Her body, the traitor that it was, seemed to be recalling every vivid detail from her dirty dream. His close proximity was spurring her body to lubricate and she could feel an anticipatory tremble starting. Hopefully if he noticed that he’d assume it was nerves.
Finally, thank God, he walked away. Her gaze followed him. He wore faded jeans and a cream-coloured sweater. His dark hair was just a bit tousled, a light five o’clock shadow was blooming on his jaw. Though he’d left, the scent of him lingered around her. Her best option was to simply not breathe.
That worked for about thirty seconds until her head started to feel buzzy. To distract herself, Dani turned her attention to the class. There was the hippy-dippy lady in the back. She was decked out in tie-dyed yoga pants, long silver-blonde dreadlocks, a flowy purple tunic and enough jewellery to sink a rowboat. She smiled at Dani when she caught her eye. Dani smiled back but only for a moment.
Next to the tie-dyed lady sat a very thin young man who was dressed all in black. He had an undercut and eyeliner. His lips were so red she thought for a moment he was wearing lipstick, but then she realised those were just his lips. Lucky boy, she thought. I’d save a million dollars on lipstick if my lips were that colour …
She let her gaze ping from one to the next. An uptight-looking woman dressed in classic office attire. Khaki pants, a button-down white shirt, small earrings, sensible heels. Next to her was …
The silver fox.
The thought popped into her head the second she saw him. He was broad and well-muscled but not gym-pumped. His hair was close cut, silver at the temples and some through the top. He had a five o’clock shadow like Chris but it was also shot with an almost metallic colouring. He had big blue eyes, she could see that from here. And when her eyes settled on him, she found he was looking at her. Intently. Definitely sketching her, she could see his hand moving, but the gaze held much much more than artistic interest.
Something low in her stomach tumbled to life and her nipples, which had calmed down since Christopher’s retreat, went tight and tender all over again.
Damn.
He gave her a tiny incline of his head as greeting. Acknowledging her awareness with his own. Dani looked away. Let her gaze skip to the next person in his row. A large man who looked like a long-haul trucker. Now that was interesting. She suppressed a smile. Unlike the silver fox he was all bulk – wide shoulders, a body to match. He wore a concert T-shirt beneath a huge flannel shirt that was completely unbuttoned. Baggy jeans and work boots, complete with a trucker’s cap. His leg bounced up and down, up and down, vigorously as he worked. His tongue peeked from between his lips in concentration.
The amusement grew. She found it interesting and wonderfully distracting to see the various kinds of people in Chris’s classes. Maybe it was true that the heart of an artist lived in us all.
She startled slightly when Chris called for a break. He nodded to her as she moved, letting her stiff muscles flex. To clear her head, Dani wandered the halls sipping water before returning.
Chris was talking to a student, standing behind the woman, pointing at the sketch pad she’d been working on. She heard random words. ‘The fall of her hair’, ‘muscle structure’, ‘side swell of her breast’. That one made her blush. She shut her eyes for a moment, willing the heat not to invade her face but that was a bad move. She was immediately back with the two men, poised in front of her, paintbrushes in hand, swirling cool paint over the halos of her nipples, down her skin, towards the desperate place between her thighs.
‘… now Dani … Dani?’
She opened her eyes. Blinked. ‘Sorry?’
‘If you could take your place now. We’ll do about twenty more minutes then I want to go over your work with you and fill you in on some of our upcoming assignments.’
She nodded, went back to the stool which she didn’t use. She simply stood in front of it, dropped her robe and tried to recall her position. She glanced up to find the silver fox watching her. There went that thing in her stomach again. There was something entirely intoxicating about looking at a man and being able to see his desire for you blatantly painted across his face.
Christopher walked quickly to her, put his hand on her skin. Her breath hitched but she tried to cover it with a cough. ‘It was a little awkward. Let me help.’ He arranged her like his own personal doll. Painted doll … her mind quickly supplied. When she was posed so that he was pleased, he went back to his desk.
Dani saw him grab his pencil and saw him scratching at his own pad again. Was he sketching her just like the class? It had never occurred to her that Chris would be drawing her. She’d just expected strangers, not him. But did it matter? Her mind prattled on, with nothing to do besides stand there and think in circles. Did it matter if he was sketching her when she was standing there buck naked for everyone to see?
A bizarre thought popped into her head. What if these people had taken pictures surreptitiously of her with their phones? Did she really want her naked form floating around on the internet? For a few hundred dollars a week?
Panic flared in her chest and she focused on breathing. Chris wouldn’t let that happen. He’d never in a million years put her in that position. But what if he didn’t know?
She felt her fingers twitching of their own accord though her limbs felt numb from her blossoming anxiety.
She thought at any moment she’d just start screaming. Screaming like a lunatic. Wailing about phones and perverts and permission. She nearly wept with relief when Chris stood and said, ‘I’ll be right back. I need to walk Dani out. Let’s give her a hand, people. It takes a brave person to stand in front of a bunch of strangers and bare it all.’
The whole class started to clap and she thought she might actually drop dead right there from embarrassment. Never had she wanted to see a floor crack open and swallow her up the way she did at that moment. Hurrying, Dani pulled her robe on and grabbed her bags. She glanced back and found the silver fox watching her.
What would he think if he knew she’d named him that in her head? He smiled at her and she found herself smiling back. He had a nice smile. Something told her he might not mind her chosen moniker at all.
Chris followed her out in the hall and barely got his mouth open to speak before she grabbed his arm, her panic flaring again, and growled, ‘Phones!’
‘Phones?’ He put a steadying hand on her shoulder and her worry was great enough to allow her to ignore his familiar touch, even though the only thing separating that hand and her skin was a robe so thin it was nearly transparent.
‘Their. Phones.’ She shook her head, knowing she was making very little sense, but she couldn’t seem to get a full thought out.
His laughter was so unexpected she had the irrational urge to smack him. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, catching the look and backing up a step. He raised his hands like he was under arrest. ‘I’m sorry. Jesus, I forgot to tell you that part. Is that why you looked like that towards the end?’
‘Just your average raging panic attack,’ she said, her mouth a tight line. So tight and tense it made her jaw ache. ‘Ya know. Irrational fear, the urge to scream and scream and scream … no biggie.’ She crossed her arms under her breasts because it made her feel secure – less naked – more powerful.
He shook his head and put his arm around her. Which was no big deal, she reminded herself. He’d done it all the time when they were young and bumming around. ‘Sorry, Dani. Jesus. I’m an ass. I take their phones at the beginning of class. I put them in a basket and lock it in the supply closet. Then I pay attention during class. Just to make sure. I get it. I would be worried too if the absent-minded professor had forgotten to tell me that little tidbit.’
She exhaled slowly. Then inhaled deeply and did it again. ‘OK, my heart has stopped racing now.’
He gave her a squeeze and she hugged him back briefly. ‘You’ll be here tomorrow for my other class, right?’
‘I will.’
‘You’re doing great. You’re beautiful.’
‘It’s still weird,’ she said, looking at her bare feet, trying to ignore the ‘beautiful’ comment. A chill rushed up her spine and she shivered.
‘Of course it is. It would be weird if you didn’t think it was weird.’ He caught the shiver. ‘And it’s cold in here. Go get dressed. I’ll see you tomorrow, OK?’ He kissed her forehead briefly. No big deal, she reminded herself.
‘I’ll be here.’
He paused on his way to the door. ‘You sure you’re OK?’
‘I just didn’t sleep well. I’m fine.’
‘I hear you,’ Chris said. ‘I had weird dreams all night.’
You and me both, buddy.
‘And no rest for the wicked tonight.’ He checked his watch while she tried not to admire the thickness of his forearm or how the muscles flexed just beneath the skin.
‘What do you mean?’ She rubbed her feet together. Wanting so badly to get dressed but not wanting to walk away from him just yet.
‘After this I have a date. I don’t know what I was thinking. When class is over I’m usually pretty pooped. But what’s a single guy to do, right?’
‘Right,’ she sighed. ‘See you tomorrow.’
She hurried to the bathroom, put her clothes back on and then returned to the classroom and draped the robe across the doorknob. No need to interrupt him. He had to wrap class up so he could go on his date.
Chapter 9 (#ulink_855717e7-7292-56ff-aebb-9fe7ad0731fd)
They were back. She sat there trembling. Utterly naked. A feeling Dani was getting used to. Only this time Kevin Buck stood to her left and Christopher stood to her right. Buck holding a paintbrush still dotted with cobalt blue. Chris’s stubbornly showing streaks of thick crimson. Her breath stuttered when the silver fox, whose name she didn’t know, came forward brandishing his own thick brush. A medium-sized red sable brush with absolutely no paint on it.
‘You’re both doing it wrong,’ he said with confidence.
His voice was rich and deep and seemed to snake around her body, stroking her skin until goosebumps stood up, rigid little peaks of anticipation on her skin.
He stepped between the younger men and with his knee knocked her legs wider. What was a pleasant warmth between her thighs became a damp river.
‘She doesn’t need to be painted. Can’t you see that?’ His smile was nothing more than a slight curl of his upper lip. But the amusement it conveyed met his eyes because they shone with humour. ‘She’s perfect. None of this adornment is necessary.’
He took his bare paintbrush and stroked it across her forehead. Dani had never realised that her forehead was so sensitive. Or that it could make the heat and wetness between her thighs turn to a steady drumbeat of arousal.
The red sable tip tickled across the jut of her cheekbones, swept across her lips, arched down her jawline and then slithered down her neck. When he reached her collarbone he slowed the drag of the tip along her skin.
Her nipples spiked, hard and tender. She wondered, randomly, if she was cracking the paint the other two had applied. Realised she didn’t care. A warmth spread along her skin everywhere his naked paintbrush travelled.
Keeping wolfish blue eyes on her, the silver fox trailed the tip down between her breasts. Completely ignoring that needy part of her. His intention was clear. He was headed towards the neediest part of her.
He swept the brush in a great spiral, spreading out across her ribs, coming in with ever decreasing circles until he finally spun a tight ring around her navel. Then without warning he removed the brush and leaned in so that she could see the coarse silver hair sprouting along his cheeks and jawline. She saw too the shining metallic threads at his temples, intermingled with dark-dark brown hair, so dark it was nearly black.
‘Tell me you want it,’ he said, conversationally. Then he smiled. It was a Big Bad Wolf smile. A predator smile. But with just a hint of something else. Understanding. Acceptance. It toned down the almost scary quality of his expression.
She swallowed hard, her throat clicked, her heart hammered so much she feared it would come bursting from her chest like a cartoon character.
‘I want it,’ she managed. And then of her own accord: ‘I do. Please.’
He nodded as if satisfied. Stepped back just enough to get a good angle, and slid the paintbrush over her mound. Painting it first. Painting it with nothing but her own desire.
He followed the V of the place where her thighs met her sex. And when her hips shot up as if possessed, he finally dipped the soft brush between her thighs, dragging it slowly across her clit. Applying no pressure at all until she gasped. Then he did it again while putting more pressure on the brush so that the place where brush met handle nudged her clit with a little more friction – a little more oomph.
‘Fuck,’ she said, before she could think of it.
There was that lip curl again. That entirely satisfied look of a man who knows exactly what the hell he’s doing. And its effect.
Dani leaned back a little, giving him better access. He took that as acceptance and placed one big hand between her breasts. He pushed her back on the small table she sat upon and painted her clit with his soft brush as if applying the minutest details.
Her breath came short and fast. Her body taut from need, her mind a blank canvas because all thought had fled. When she whimpered, he stopped.
Dani looked at him as he regarded each of the other men, who stood there watching like mute sentinels. ‘Of course the best paintbrush isn’t found in an art supply store,’ the silver fox said. Or was he now the silver wolf to her? ‘At least not for a project such as this.’
He knelt between her thighs, spread them wide, and held them so tightly in his fingers she thought she’d wear small purple crescents for days. And she liked the idea. Liked it very much.
His tongue was so wet. So hot. And, as her pleasure swelled up, threatening to swallow her down, force her under and tumble her out to sea, she had to agree: it was the best paintbrush she could think of for this.
He swirled his tongue, lapped at her and dragged it in small circles and then large whirls. Constantly off-balance. Constantly trying to catch her breath. Her fingers curled against the soft skin of her belly as she tried so hard not to clutch at him. When he sucked her clit hard enough for her to bite her tongue and then shifted back to gentler moves, she came. Driving her hips up, crying out. Her eyes darted from one man to the other to the next before finally settling on Christopher. He smiled at her. ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’
* * *
She didn’t see any choice in the matter. Dani stumbled to the shower seconds after sitting straight up in bed aroused beyond thought for the second day in a row. If she was going to have any hope of getting through the day without her mind collapsing she’d have to do something about the pounding need between her legs.
She took a moment to stand under the shower and then grabbed the showerhead and turned it to the massage setting. It was only about thirty seconds, she thought. It only took that long of the constant, heavy sensation on her swollen clit before she was coming. Her forehead pressed to the cool tile, her mind swallowed up for a few blissful seconds by nothing but the intense physical sensation.
It had never entered her mind that doing this thing – this wild and crazy thing – would have these kinds of repercussions. She wasn’t sure if she liked it or loathed it. All she knew for certain was that the whole damn experience was intense. She’d never had more than vaguely erotic dreams in her life. Now they were full-blown erotic movies that felt like actual encounters.
‘Focus,’ she said, wiping the mirror clear of steam. She stared at herself. She looked tired but oddly energised as well. She sighed then went about getting ready for work. After she’d brushed her teeth, applied minimal makeup and pulled on a grey sweater dress with tights and mid-calf boots, she braided her hair because there was no time to blow-dry it. She’d spent too much time wandering around in a haze. She made a quick cup of coffee, poured it into her travel mug and hit the road.
She’d just flipped her computer on when she heard. ‘Woah … you had another one, didn’t you?’
She glanced up to find Cheryl there, arms crossed, leaning against the door jamb, looking very smug indeed.
‘Hush.’
‘Tell me I’m wrong.’
‘You’re not wrong,’ she sighed. She finished her coffee and realised she’d definitely, without a doubt, need more today.
‘And?’
‘And what?’
‘There’s something else,’ Cheryl said, tapping her toe. She wore Snoopy scrubs today and Dani half expected her to break out in the classic Snoopy dance when she finally decided to answer.
‘There were three of them this time.’
‘You met someone else!’
‘You know, back in the day they’d try you for witchcraft for all this thought-reading and stuff.’
‘That doesn’t take a witch to figure out.’ Cheryl crept closer, keeping herself angled for the door in case the receptionist called her out for a patient.
‘A guy in the Tuesday/Thursday class. The silver fox,’ she said, feeling stupid.
‘The what?’ Cheryl was trying not to laugh.
Dani shook her head. ‘I don’t know his name. He’s older. Probably mid-forties. Silver in his hair and his beard. Bright blue eyes. Just …’ She shrugged.
‘Ah, just a hot-ass silver fox. I get it. And was he good? In the dream?’
Dani chewed her lip. ‘Jesus Christ … he was the best one.’
‘Oh, my God,’ Cheryl said. Then Rebecca called her name from the front and she sighed. ‘Lunch. Eleven-thirty. I want all the details.’
‘They’re too dirty.’
‘Those are the best kind!’ Cheryl cried, throwing up her hands. Then she hurried out to the front of the office. The day had started and the patients didn’t want to wait because Dani was suddenly having X-rated dreams.
She made it through her morning and almost cried with relief when lunch came. She needed a break from trying so damn hard to focus. Her mind was a collage of men and paint and brushes and orgasms. She needed to let her mind be pudding for the next hour.
She’d just taken a seat next to Cheryl, ready to tuck into her Greek salad and bottle of water, when the other chair slid backwards so fast she jumped. Her mother – her mother! – flopped down in the seat, clutching her giant purse in her lap, and stared at Dani. ‘What is this I hear about you doing pornography?’
‘Jesus …’ Dani muttered.
‘Language!’ her mother scolded and then sat there waiting for an explanation.
Chapter 10 (#ulink_58553de6-b0f1-5dbb-85f8-e70165e13365)
‘I’m just going to take this …’ Cheryl gathered her meal container and her soda. She slid out of her seat and Dani found herself clamping a hand on her friend’s arm.
‘Don’t go,’ she managed.
‘Oh, no. I have to,’ Cheryl said. She looked like she’d either laugh or cry. Maybe both. ‘This is a family thing. I’ll just let you have your privacy.’ She shook Dani’s hand off gently and went.
‘Traitor,’ Dani sighed.
‘I’m waiting, Danielle.’ Her mother’s mouth was a tight seam, her eyes loaded with disapproval.
‘I’m not doing pornography, mother,’ she said, keeping her voice low. ‘I took the position of model in Chris’s classes. It just happens to be nude.’
Helen Young shut her eyes as if she’d just received a death sentence. ‘Nude,’ she said, drawing the word out.
Dani straightened up, pushed her shoulders back. She was getting pissed now. ‘Yes. Nude. I’m not a child, Mom. I can make my own decisions, you know.’
‘But why on earth would this be your big decision? I’ve seen you have trouble deciding between beef or seafood for dinner since you and Bob … broke up.’
Her mother rarely said the word ‘divorce’.
‘So?’
‘So, now you’ve made this grand adult decision to parade around naked.’ Her mother leaned in, practically groaning the last word of her sentence.
‘Yes, I have. It’s fine. I stand there in a single pose. The class sketches me and—’
‘So an entire classroom of strangers – no, two classrooms full of strangers, according to Clara – have naked pictures of you.’
Dani couldn’t help it. She snorted with laughter. ‘Pictures? You mean sketches. That they did themselves. Some probably very badly. They draw me, Mother, I’m not doing a live feed online for the viewing pleasure of strange men out in the ether.’
‘But you might as well be! You need to stop.’
‘Firstly,’ Dani said, her anger growing, ‘I do not need to stop. And I won’t stop. It’s really not as big a deal as you’re making it. Secondly, what was it Daddy told me that one time, the year I turned twenty-one and we all went out drinking as a family, about you dancing when you were in college?’
Her mother’s mouth went from a tight seam to invisible. Her jaw and mouth so tight her lips virtually disappeared. ‘Dani—’ Her voice held warning.
‘Not just dancing,’ Dani said, tapping her temple and pretending to think. But she didn’t have to think. She’d never forget her father dropping that particular bomb on her. Or how she’d sat there, clutching a mug of tap beer, mouth hanging open in surprise. And a little horror, she’d admit. No one thinks of their mother that way. ‘It wasn’t just dancing, was it? It was exotic dancing.’
Her mother looked at the table, the ceiling, the door of the cafeteria as it swung open admitting other lunch patrons. ‘That is beside the point.’
‘And we all know,’ Dani went on, pushing the envelope, ‘that exotic dancing is code for—’
‘Danielle!’
‘Stripping!’ Dani said, leaning in and whispering the word.
Her mother had gone pale. ‘I do not regret that experience.’
Dani sat back, a bit smug. ‘And I don’t expect you to. But I do not and will not regret this one. Even if you want me to.’
Helen Young sat back, put her hands palms down on the table and regarded Dani. ‘We all want better for our children than what we had, what we did.’
‘I appreciate that. But this is something I want to do. I am doing. You have two choices, you can support me or you can not support me. If you choose the second option, I’ll thank you to do it silently.’
Her mother said nothing for a long time. Finally, she simply nodded. ‘I’ll get going, then. Looks like your lunch break is almost up. Call me and let me know if you’re going to Mary Catherine’s baby shower. If you are you can pick me up. We can ride together.’ She laid a cool kiss on Dani’s forehead and hustled out, walking with a tight gait in her mauve wool suit.
Dani sighed and pushed away the remainder of her lunch. She wasn’t very hungry any more. She hadn’t expected that, just when she’d got used to the idea of her new part-time job, she’d have to battle her mother over it. Sometimes life – adult life – was just too damned exhausting.
* * *
Nipples, nipples, nipples …
It was all she could think of. She’d arrived on time and Chris had gotten her the robe. The whole routine had become normal. Which was both invigorating and terrifying. Arrive, disrobe and be posed like a giant Barbie doll.
He’d tugged the end of her hair just as she was about to go change. ‘Hey, you OK?’
‘Fine. Dust-up with Helen the Great. No biggie.’
‘Yeah, I heard my mom let the cat out of the bag.’
‘No worries,’ Dani said. ‘I had ammunition.’
He raised an eyebrow and the thought that he’d just had a date the night before pounded her already tired brain. What, was she jealous? That was insane.
‘Do tell.’
‘Later. I’ll tell you over drinks one day. Then we can sit back quietly and listen to the sound of my mother’s soul screaming.’
Chris laughed. ‘Off you go. I’ll go back in and prompt them. Sadly, you’ll be in the same pose as the first class. A lot of them didn’t quite finish and need the visual prompt.’
Dani shrugged. ‘Fine by me.’
It was only as she was wrapping the well-washed robe around herself that she realised she had a date herself. Tonight. With Kevin Buck.
The day had been so insane – the aftermath of her filthy dreams, her mother’s lunchtime ambush – that it had slipped her mind. Now, standing in the classroom, with his eyes on her and her nipples so tight she felt she could cut glass with them, it was the only thing she could think of.
As the silence invaded her mind, broken by nothing but the heat ticking on and the scratch of pencils on art pads, she thought she might scream. Every time she glanced at him he smiled. His eyes seemed to trace every inch of her. And, unlike the other students, he’d stare for a long while before even putting pencil to paper. As if memorising every single nuance before even thinking of drawing it.
‘Fifteen-minute break,’ Chris announced and she exhaled a long breath. Dani hadn’t even realised she’d been holding it until the air came whooshing out of her lungs and she got to inhale a deep, fresh breath.
She walked out into the hall, stoically ignoring the pervasive wetness between her thighs. Thank God she didn’t have to sit for this pose. She feared a wet spot would have been revealed when she stood.
Dani heard footsteps and turned. Buck was standing there, simply watching. ‘We still on for tonight?’ he asked, finally.
She didn’t trust her voice so she nodded.
‘Great. There’s this little place near my house that has wine-tasting trays and appetisers. Low-key. Nice. Small.’ He leaned against the wall, all long and lanky with his teasing, innocent man bun. But the look in his eyes was intense. Definitely not innocent. ‘It’s quiet. Does that sound OK?’
She’d heard it all but the words that echoed in her head were ‘near my house’. Would she go home with him? Would she act on the cues her body was giving her? Dani had no idea. She managed to say, ‘Sounds great’ without sounding like she’d been sucking helium.
‘Great. I think you’ll like it. I’ve been looking forward to this since Monday.’
‘Me too,’ she said. She’d nearly forgotten but, if she was dreaming dirty dreams about Buck, then she definitely had him on her mind. In a most carnal way.
Chris stuck his head out of the classroom. ‘We’re back, guys.’
When Kevin Buck turned, Dani caught Chris sizing him up. An unreadable expression flitted across his face but it was gone so fast she couldn’t tell what it was.
‘Coming,’ she said, then heat flooded her face. Poor choice of words. Because there had been a few moments in there, being studied and sketched and watched, when she’d thought she actually might. Now she had to go back in and stand there bared to the world, or at least to classroom 213, and not squirm out of her skin.
‘I’ll meet you at the south exit?’ Buck asked her.
Dani nodded. She glanced at Chris and there was the weird look on his face again. Before she could get a handle on it, he turned and strode back into the classroom.
She took her position again and tried to zone out. She listened to the scratch of pencils, the tick of the clock, the whoosh of forced warm air. She let her eyes drift to Chris and found him staring at her. She tried a small smile and he returned it but it didn’t touch his big green eyes, which remained far away, pondering.
He’s an artist. They all look that way …
But she wasn’t convinced and neither was her stomach, which seemed to twist in on itself as she stood there. The room was too warm but then it was too cool. She felt like the bulk of her was too big for her skin, as if it had shrunk. It was anxiety, she kept telling herself. So she focused on her breathing. When Chris finally dismissed her so he could wrap up class, she felt a relief so enormous her legs went wobbly.
She hurried down to get dressed and then made the vain concession of touching up her makeup and fluffing her hair. Her work clothes would have to do for her date because she hadn’t been thinking – had simply been drifting through her day – and hadn’t thought to bring something more casual. Thankfully, her wrap dress was pretty much suited to any damn place she wore it.
‘It’ll have to do,’ she said to her reflection. And it would. It would have to do.
Chapter 11 (#ulink_1fb053e3-3dfc-56b9-a8f6-ae5fba7ecfe9)
‘Tell me,’ Dani said. ‘What’s your story for being in art class?’
Kevin Buck leaned back in his high-backed bar stool and gave a lazy shrug. Tonight he looked the artist part. A white button-down shirt, collar open past his clavicle, sleeves rolled, artfully messed and shoved up to his elbows, faded jeans, motorcycle boots and, of course, the man bun.
‘I was bored.’
‘Bored?’ She sipped a Shiraz that had a bit of a back kick and a burn at the end. Her face and stomach glowed with warmth from the wine. They’d been picking at a plate of mixed appetisers. All homemade at the restaurant. Not a frozen chicken finger to be found.
‘I’m a trust-fund baby,’ he said.
Her wine meandered down the wrong pipe and Dani found herself choking on it. She covered her mouth, mortified as her body shook.
‘That surprising?’ he asked with a half-smile. He patted her on the back. ‘You OK?’
‘I am. And no, it wasn’t what you said. Just, swallowing wine is a bit too tricky for me, I guess. But, I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting that.’
He gave a nod, picked up the small tasting glass and gave the dark-red liquid a quick try. ‘No one does. I guess I don’t look the part. No preppy clothes, dock shoes or sneering demands. No flashing cash and showing off. No drug problem and/or booze problem and/or gambling problem. Just a long, winding road of semi-boredom and malaise.’ He winked.
Up close he gave off a vibe. A sex vibe was the only way she could describe it. Only to herself; she’d never say it aloud. Magnetism swirled around him like an invisible force field. And the new information that he was a trust-fund baby surprised her. He didn’t fit the part. Didn’t give off that air of entitlement.
‘Well, it’s good that you avoided all the problems and went for something to fill your time. What else do you do?’
‘I want to be an artist, to be honest. But I’m twenty-eight. Who knows if that will happen?’
She laughed. ‘You say twenty-eight like it’s old. Anything could happen. Second acts are de rigueur these days.’
He leaned in, smiling at her. It was a wooing kind of smile, she thought. Hard to resist. It made her want to kiss him. Or, more importantly, be kissed by him.
‘Is that what you’re doing? Is this a second act of some kind? I admit,’ he said, giving another casual shrug and playing with a cocktail napkin, ‘I’m entirely curious how a beautiful woman who clearly has another job got into nude modelling for wannabe artists like me.’
‘How can you tell I have another job?’
‘You arrive in work clothes all the time. They look a bit more buttoned up than I imagine you are if you’re going out casually. But I could be wrong.’ His fingertip grazed the very edge of her hand and the nipples that had calmed down ages ago went into red alert.
Dani suppressed a shiver and tried to put the words together to answer him. ‘You’re not wrong. I’m an office manager at a doctor’s office. Chris and I, your teacher and I, go way back. We grew up together on the same street. Hung out together, wasted long summer days.’
‘Ah,’ he said.
‘Ah?’
‘Sorry,’ Buck said, shaking his head. ‘Go on.’
‘We ran into each other with our boisterous, larger-than-life mothers in tow. And he told me about it. I was ready for … something,’ she said waving her hand vaguely.
‘Something.’
‘Different. Something to shake up my life, I guess. I’m divorced. Officially, now. Things weren’t too great and now I find myself thirty-two—’ She levelled her gaze at him. ‘And see, I’m not saying that like it’s old. This time.’
He grinned at her.
‘And I’m alone and I’m in this life-living rut. I just have the same day over and over again. Until now.’
‘Now when you walk in a classroom full of artistically tortured souls, drop your robe and knock everyone’s socks off.’
She gave a snort of disbelief and quickly tried to cover with a cough. ‘Not quite.’
‘Oh, quite.’ His finger was tracing the edge of her hand again and Dani found herself shifting on her oversized bar stool. She didn’t know that someone touching her in such an innocuous place could make her feel like she was going to burst out of her skin. Or burst into flames.
‘Thank you,’ was all she could think to say.
He leaned toward her so smoothly she didn’t see it coming until it happened. He kissed her. His lips were soft and warm and when they touched hers her entire body seemed to melt into goo. Dani parted her lips and his tongue touched hers ever so gently. A featherlight stroke of tongue on tongue. His big hand, smudged in places with graphite, cupped the back of her head. Holding her tightly but not so tightly she felt the need to extricate herself.
The kiss deepened and, when her head was swimming and her body felt like one big heartbeat, Buck pulled back and said, ‘I know it’s incredibly forward, and feel free to smack me and storm out, but I’d love to take you home with me, Dani. I have to say, I don’t usually see a woman’s naked body before I decide to court her. I know we did this backwards, but I have to admit something—’ He regarded her with those deep dark eyes and her breath stuttered.
‘What? Admit what?’ She sounded a little more eager and desperate than she cared to, but it was out there. Nothing she could do about it.
‘I’ve been thinking of nothing but you since Monday. The way you stand up there. The way you look entirely stoic and entirely terrified at the same time. The curve of your hip …’ He reached beneath their small round table cluttered with cocktail debris, and swept his finger along the curve he was describing. ‘The length of your neck …’ The finger moved and caressed her from just below her ear to her collarbone. ‘Everything.’
‘Yes,’ she said, her voice a small, excited thing.
‘Yes?’
‘Take me home. Now,’ she said, saying it quickly before she could talk herself out of it. Even though she wanted it, wanted him, talking herself out of things that made her blood leap was her modus operandi. She didn’t want to give herself time to unravel her want.
His lips curved into a smile. ‘I was really expecting the slap and the storming off.’
‘Sorry to disappoint you,’ she said.
‘Oh, you’ve done anything but. Trust me.’ He waved his finger at the waiter for the check and paid him in cash.
‘Will you show me?’ she asked.
He cocked an eyebrow at her as he held the door and she went out into the cool night air. ‘Show you?’
‘Your sketch. Of me.’
‘Ah, now you want to see. I will, if you’re nice to me.’
Dani laughed. Her heartbeat was a palpable thing in her chest, her ears, between her legs. She planned to be very nice to him. She hoped he’d be very nice to her.
Chapter 12 (#ulink_46cf540e-241b-535f-9cc2-8882832057d4)
Buck’s apartment was a huge studio on the top floor of a building in the city. The décor didn’t reek of money but the fact that this space was what he called home did. It was in a part of the city that the newcomers were breathing life back into. Refashioning the neighbourhood with small boutique businesses, renovations and community efforts. She stood at the foot of his bed and looked through the wall of glass at the harbour lights. From here the shadow skeletons of the big ships were visible. The line of restaurants with their neon shone like beacons.
‘Pretty nice view, huh?’ He walked in behind her with two glasses of wine and handed her one.
‘It’s amazing.’
‘It’s why I took this place. I had a small place closer to the school a while back and I was perfectly content. But my folks bought this building and another one a block or so away. They showed me this place and I was all set to say no and put my foot down. My place was much smaller but I’d made it home.’ He put his arms around her waist from behind, pulled her against him so that her back was nestled against his chest, and kissed the back of her neck.
‘But?’ Dani asked, laughing softly. ‘There’s a but in there.’
He subtly pressed himself against her so that he was fitted flush against her ass. When he chuckled, all the fine hairs along her nape tingled.
‘There’s definitely a butt …’ Another laugh and he kissed her shoulder this time. Goosebumps peppered the skin of her upper arms and she barely managed to tamp down a shiver. ‘But my mother is clever. She knows what buttons to push. So when they brought me here to see the place, she made sure they brought me at night. One look out at that and I was toast. I lost all my will power, forgot all my arguments and caved to their desire to have someone inhabiting this building until the lower floors could be redone.’
‘I think you got a sweet deal, to be honest,’ she whispered. A small light, possibly a police boat or a lighted buoy, bobbed in the harbour water. The whole thing reminded her of Christmas, invoking a warm and cosy feeling.
‘I think so too.’ Buck released her and turned her slowly so they were face to face. ‘Sweeter still now that you’re here.’
She hummed softly as he kissed her. His mouth pressed to hers, his tongue slipping softly between her lips. That big hand was on the back of her head again, tethering her to earth, keeping her from floating away. Buck was a good kisser and then some.
Her nipples stiffened and, when his fingers brushed slowly over the bodice of her dress, they sought out the lace of her bra. Dani pressed her body to his. Leaving not a lick of space between them. She felt his cock, hard and eager, pressing against her. Her stomach took on that tumbling, free-fall feeling so when he took a step back she sucked in a breath.
‘Can I just …’ He let the sentence peter out as he unbuttoned her dress. She felt the cool kiss of air, and then the warm kisses his lips dropped on her skin as he bared it. His fingers were deft as he popped the front clasp of her bra and let the lace fall free of her breasts. Then his mouth was on her and her eyes drifted shut, her mind’s eye supplying the fairy lights of the still awake city below this sky-top studio.
He sucked her nipple hard, drawing on it so that she felt the pressure from her breast down to her pelvis. It was the feeling of excitement. The feeling of anticipation that bordered on sickness but stopped just short of it.
She opened her eyes as he moved to the other breast, his tongue dragging a hot wet trail across her chest.
‘Can I just …’ She smiled slightly as she mimicked his words. He looked up at her, straightening. Dani reached up and pushed her fingers into his dark bun. The hair an artfully tousled mess. She found the elastic that held it and tugged until it uncoiled and set his dark hair tumbling free.
Dark hair, smooth and silken under her fingers, fell around his rugged face, brushing the top of his wide shoulders. He was a Viking warrior, a hero, a wild man.
‘You have gorgeous hair,’ she said.
‘You have gorgeous everything,’ Buck countered, drawing her back to him. This time as he kissed her that soft hair brushed her cheeks.
He tugged the tie on her dress, spread it wide, and hooked his fingers in the sides of her panties. When he slid them down her thighs and then her calves, she lifted one foot at a time to ease the removal. Next he pulled off her thigh-high stockings. He tossed all her clothes in a pile and arranged her on the bed. His bedding was simple. Definitely didn’t scream money, but, when her body touched down on the duvet, she felt that it was indeed expensive. It was the softest bedding she’d ever laid on. ‘What is this, a million thread-count?’ she murmured as he studied her.
He cocked an eyebrow. ‘Don’t know. Don’t care. I’m too busy looking at the work of art splayed out on it.’
She felt herself blush, her body wriggling slightly at the praise as if she couldn’t stay still, couldn’t bear to hear the words in stillness.
She opened her mouth to protest. To brush off the compliment. Something small and new in the centre of her whispered, Don’t … So she shut her mouth and reached her hand up to him. When he took it, she drew him down.
His mouth began a slow tour of her throat. Teeth nipped her ear and her body tensed before letting go. A lazy kind of pleasure filled her. Dani laughed when he whispered directly into her ear, ‘I really thought you were going to smack me when I asked you out right after staring at your naked body for an hour.’
‘Why would I do that?’ His clothes were still on. Annoying but somehow adding to the excitement. Just like in class, he was dressed, she was bared.
‘Because … you’d think I’m a pervert.’
Dani shook her head, accepted another searing kiss. His hands tangled in her hair, his big body pressed down against hers. She could feel his heartbeat, steady and banging against her breast.
‘No. Not a pervert. If I thought people who drew naked people were perverts, I’d be a hypocrite, wouldn’t I? Given that I’m the naked person.’
He braced himself on his forearms and looked down at the narrow passage that had opened between their bodies. ‘Yes, yes, you are. And I’m grateful to whatever boredom gods decided that fate for me. It’s hard to draw you.’
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Sommer Marsden
Тип: электронная книга
Жанр: Современная зарубежная литература
Язык: на английском языке
Издательство: HarperCollins
Дата публикации: 17.04.2024
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О книге: Life as a nude model wasn’t what Dani Young expected. It was all Chris’s idea. His art class was minus one model and her life needed a change—a big one. An emotional shake up, he said. Something to make her feel wild and brave and free.She’s learning a lot about herself – her wants, her desires, her unexpected fantasies. But her biggest lesson may be that she deserves so much more than she’s always settled for in the past. Something like a courageous, blazing shot at real love.