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Homegrown Hero: A funny and addictive thriller for fans of Informer
Khurrum Rahman
Reluctant spy.Trained assassin.WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?JAY QASIM is back home in West London and in pursuit of normality. He’s swapped dope-dealing for admin, and spends his free time at the local Muslim Community Centre or cruising around Hounslow in his beloved BMW. No-one would guess that he was the MI5 spy who foiled the most devastating terrorist attack in recent history.But Jay’s part in sabotaging Ghurfat-Al-Mudarris’ hit on London didn’t pass unnoticed.IMRAN SIDDIQUI was trained to kill in Afghanistan by tthe terrorist cell who saved his life after his home was destroyed by war. The time has finally come for him to repay them – throwing him headlong into the path of Jay Qasim.Now, they must each decide whose side they’re really on.


Born in Karachi, Pakistan in 1975, KHURRUM RAHMAN moved to England when he was one. He is a west London boy and now lives in Berkshire with his wife and two sons.
Khurrum is currently working as a Senior IT Officer but his real love is writing. He has a screenplay which has been optioned by a Danish TV producer but is now concentrating on novels.
Khurrum’s first novel, and the first book in the Jay Qasim series, East of Hounslow, was shortlisted for both the CrimeFest Last Laugh award and the CWA John Creasey New Blood Dagger award.


Copyright (#ulink_4fc9a13e-4b5a-51ca-bed4-9b52ab749278)


An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2018
Copyright © Khurrum Rahman 2018
Khurrum Rahman asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Ebook Edition © November 2018 ISBN: 9780008229610
Version: 2018-10-23
PRAISE FOR KHURRUM RAHMAN (#ulink_a5958434-7e24-5e1e-a303-75590f17e681)
‘Told with striking panache. Announces the arrival of a fine, fresh new thriller writer.’ Daily Mail
‘Combining humour and tragedy is one of the hardest literary challenges, but Khurrum Rahman succeeds.’ TLS
‘A very funny but tense thriller ... think Four Lions meets Phone Shop.’ Red
‘As much a coming-of-age story as a full-on action thriller, East of Hounslow is thought-provoking and entirely gripping.’ Guardian
‘Sweary, funny and, above all, an absolutely cracking thriller that you’ll tear through, this is the anti-James Bond that the 21st century needs.’ Emerald Street
‘East of Hounslow, in which a young Muslim finds himself forced to become an MI5 plant in a group of jihadists, is as British as Nelson’s Column. A superb and exciting debut novel.’ Telegraph
ISBN: 978-0-00-822960-3
‘Clipped dialogues, staccato sentences and the hilariously brilliant prose set the pace of this excellent unputdownable crime thriller. The climax will leave you breathless.’ New Indian Express
‘A brilliant thriller. You’d be mad not to buy this.’ Ben Aaronovitch, Sunday Times bestselling author of the Rivers of London series
‘Excellent book. Phenomenal writing.’ B A Paris, Sunday Times bestselling author of Bring Me Back
‘I loved it. More please.’ Mel McGrath, author of Give Me the Child
‘Builds to a heart-constricting climax.’ Times Crime Club
‘The best thriller I’ve read in ages.’ Stephen Leather, author of the Spider Shepherd series
SHORTLISTED for the CrimeFest Last Laugh Award 2018
SHORTLISTED for the CWA John Creasey New Blood Dagger 2018
To my very own Mischief & Mayhem,
and the one I call Jaan
Contents
Cover (#ulink_3cc168a8-f8c8-5c5a-914c-ec723fd986d4)
About the Author (#ulink_4c28ae63-ad60-5b0f-b662-2e82d1bbf47e)
Title Page (#ulink_80b6e0b7-bdd3-5917-8cb0-fdf6378ff3ba)
Copyright (#ulink_6a41ba01-d545-5842-87ae-842cbef880b8)
PRAISE (#ulink_50ccf1d0-2b97-5f14-9ba6-2ec53f61c83a)
Dedication (#ulink_d033ad30-c359-568b-a7c4-ac0360920852)
Prologue (#ulink_dd41d337-1f19-5e8d-9a62-078598c15bdd)
PART 1: TWO DAYS EARLIER (#ulink_4cb32035-22d8-56db-981b-62ccffa10383)
1. Imran Siddiqui (Imy) (#ulink_0692edfa-8150-56a3-8e28-a99a1c8f0785)
2. Javid Qasim (Jay) (#ulink_d4c343e6-a2d5-5ab6-8ddc-af31d18b0800)
3. Burj Al Arab Hotel, Dubai (#ulink_359d8069-9451-5d3c-b97e-ef5d77031cbd)
4. Thames House (#ulink_79434df1-b87c-5b03-b5b0-12f71bac34d8)
5. Hounslow High Street (#ulink_05c4b2eb-51a1-5c7d-9e65-a40f4f0a86c1)
6. Imy (#ulink_ff1b0681-184b-56e9-8c1f-60c717a28e80)
7. Burj Al Arab Hotel, Dubai (#ulink_e78a4b04-a3ea-585c-a71d-fae5c9fecb1c)
8. Imy
9. Jay
10. Imy
11. Jay
12. Jay
13. Heathrow Airport: Arrivals
14. Imy
15. Derelict Building Site, South London
16. Jay
17. Isleworth and Syon School
18. Imy
19. Imy
20. Jay
21. Imy
22. Jay
23. Imy
24. Jay
25. Imy
PART 2
26. Jay
27. Imy
28. Jay
29. Imy
30. Jay
31. South London
32. Imy
33. Jay
34. Kingston, Southwest London
35. Jay
36. Imy
37. Jay
38. Imy
39. Jay
40. Maimana‚ Afghanistan
41. Jay
42. Imy
43. Jay
44. Hounslow Police Station
45. Imy
46. Jay
47. Imy
48. Jay
49. Imy
50. Jay
51. Heston, West London
52. Jay
53. Imy
54. Jay
55. Lampton Park, Hounslow
56. Jay
57. Imy
58. Jay
59. Imy
60. Afghanistan-Pakistan Border
PART 3
61. Heston, West London
62. Jay
63. Port Gwadar, Pakistan
64. Hounslow Police Station
65. Jay
66. Hounslow Police Station
67. Jay
68. Imy
69. Hounslow Police Station
70. Imy
71. Jay
72. Imy
73. Derelict Building Site, South London
74. Jay
75. Derelict Building Site, South London
76. Jay
77. Derelict Building Site, South London
78. Derelict Building Site, South London
79. Jay
80. Derelict Building Site, South London
81. Derelict Building Site, South London
82. Jay
83. Derelict Building Site, South London
84. Jay
85. Imy
86. Jay
87. Hounslow, West London
88. Jay
89. Imy
90. Jay
91. Imy
92. Jay
93. Abu Dhabi
94. Jay
95. Eight months later…
Acknowledgments
About the Publisher
Prologue (#ulink_41ff0a72-0334-5b90-bf80-5fb4f2103ed8)
Parking my Beemer in my driveway‚ I killed the engine and took a deep breath. Leaning back‚ I sank into the driver’s seat and closed my eyes‚ enjoying the cool evening breeze coming in through the car window.
In the distance‚ I heard the low growl of a diesel engine. At first barely perceptible‚ the sound moved closer‚ louder‚ the vehicle picking up speed then humming idly as it came to a standstill close by.
A car door opened‚ and closed.
I opened my eyes and turned.
He was standing beside me‚ smiling down through my open car window. Like seeing a ghost.
‘Hello‚ old chum‚’ he said‚ ‘I haven’t seen you in ages.’
I barely had time to catch a glint of something before his arm snaked through my window and‚ in perfect silence‚ sliced my throat from ear to ear.
PART 1 (#ulink_2b862d2a-2bda-5875-a2e7-9aa93c6aaff6)
TWO DAYS EARLIER (#ulink_2b862d2a-2bda-5875-a2e7-9aa93c6aaff6)
Fatwa: A pronouncement of death by a higher authority.
1 (#ulink_fc0c8d89-0b18-5974-9e28-f8164339eb42)
Imran Siddiqui (Imy) (#ulink_fc0c8d89-0b18-5974-9e28-f8164339eb42)
I’d never before come across a person like Jack. I had him tightly strapped in the backseat as I drove him to the location. He knew just as well as I did‚ maybe better‚ that I only had a small window to extract the information out of him. Because once we’d reached our destination he’d be protected to the hilt and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. He just needed to hold tight. But he’d made a mistake. He didn’t know about me‚ about my past. I’d get the information I needed from the devil if it was the last damn thing I did. I was confident of it. I had to be careful‚ though. I couldn’t get physical. If he turned up with so much as a mark on him‚ it would be me that suffered.
‘Jack... C’mon‚ mate‚’ I started with the soft approach.’Where is it?’
‘I’ve told you‚’ Jack glanced outside the window at the buses lit up within Hounslow Bus Garage. ‘I’m not telling you.’
I inhaled through my nose and gripped the steering wheel tightly. Even if I drove slowly I had maybe five minutes left of the journey. I loosened the grip and dropped my shoulders. He was observant‚ and I did not want him to see me tense. I turned the volume up on the CD player. In an effort to break him I had been playing Yellow Submarine on repeat‚ a song that he hated and one that I loved. It hadn’t worked though; I was beginning to despise it; I took a quick glance in the rear-view mirror and he was singing along.
‘Put it higher. This is my jam!’ Jack squealed‚ and I immediately killed the sound.
‘Jack. Listen... J-just listen.’ I stammered and realised that I was about to plead. I’ve never before bent over for anybody and I wasn’t going to start now. I pulled up at a red light and slipped the gear into neutral. I closed my eyes and tried to gather my thoughts and focus on my training. It seemed like a lifetime ago. It was a lifetime ago. A blare from the car behind broke me out of my thoughts.
‘It’s green‚’ Jack said.
His tinny voice echoed in my ears and I found myself grinding my teeth so hard that my temples started to rhythmically pulse. I slipped into first and set off with a stutter. I slid the window down and allowed the cold evening air to hit me‚ to jolt me into action‚ but I was fast running out of time and ideas. Jack sneezed. Gotcha! I moved my hand over the control panel and slid down every window. I eyed him through the rear-view and I could see Jack physically curl up into a ball‚ his shoulders hunched and his chin down to his chest. His bottom lip quivered. I almost‚ almost felt for him but instead I turned the air conditioning onto cold.
‘You okay in the back‚ Jack?’ I said‚ and with his chin still dug into his chest he lifted his big blue eyes at me and sniffed.
‘I’m fine.’
‘Bet you wish you wore a jacket now.’
‘I’m fine.’ He said‚ his face getting paler‚ angry goose pimples appearing on his arm.
‘You ready to tell me or do I go higher?’ I said‚ my hand hovering over the AC control.
‘Do what you like. Go higher.’
I could not believe it. Why was it so hard to break him? When had I become so terrible at this? All my training‚ all my discipline had left me. As always‚ at times of stress‚ my scalp started to itch‚ as though a thousand little spiders were dancing through my hair and it took all my will not to scratch the hell out of it.
‘You’re sweating‚’ Jack said. His chin was now raised and pointing at me in defiance. My hand was at my forehead wiping away the sheen of sweat. He smiled‚ goofy and mocking and I dropped my hand immediately to the gear stick and gripped it.
No more Mr Nice Guy. This ends now. I closed the windows and killed the air con.
‘I’m going to count to ten and if you haven’t told me where the remote is then I am pulling over and going to work on your fingers until you do tell me. Is that what you want‚ Jack? Do you want me to chop off your fingers?’
‘Why would I want you to chop off my fingers?’ He blinked lazily at me.
‘Because‚ you’re asking for it.’
‘I don’t remember asking to have my fingers chopped off.’
It was an empty threat‚ an ill-judged bluff‚ one that we both knew that I would never go through with. I could never harm a single hair on his dumb side parting. I had lost‚ convincingly. The night that I had waited so long for‚ ruined. All the planning‚ wasted.
I pulled my Prius up to the location a broken man. There she was‚ stepping out of her Golf‚ a stack of files balanced in her hands. She was wearing a fitted grey trouser suit with Adidas sneakers‚ her heels knocking around somewhere in the confines of her car. She kicked the door shut and turned to us just as I was getting out of my car. She smiled at me and as frustrated as I was I could not help but smile back at her. It held for a long second as our smiles had a silent conversation.
Her name is Stephanie Mills‚ and every part of me is in love with every part of her.
I opened the back door‚ my smile replaced with a snarl‚ and unstrapped Jack out of the car. I gripped the back of his neck and frogmarched him down the path. He shrugged his shoulders away from my grip and ran to her. His protector. His Mother.
‘Mummy‚ Imy opened all the windows and then he put the cold air on and I wasn’t even wearing a jacket and... And... And...’ He spurted in one breath‚ as I took the stack of files from her. She kneeled down and embraced Jack whilst giving me that look from over his shoulder. ‘And he said he’s going to chop my fingers off‚ Mummy.’
The look I delivered to Stephanie insinuated that it was all true. She stood up and smoothed down her suit as Jack scuttled behind her legs in mock fear.
‘I swear it’s like having two kids. Why do you two always have to fight so much?’
‘Ask him!’
‘I’m asking you‚ you’re the grown up.’
‘He’s hidden the remote control. El Classico is on tonight.’
‘El what? Forget it‚ I don’t want to know.’
‘It’s a silly football match‚ Mummy‚’ Jack said‚ poking his head around her legs. Stephanie shot a look at him and he retreated back.
‘So you’re not staying tonight?’ Stephanie asked. ‘You can watch it here.’
‘You can give me a bath‚ too and a bedtime story‚’ Jack chipped in.
‘I’ve made plans with Shaz tonight‚ kid.’
She placed the palm of her hands on my chest and patted it once‚ twice. Her hands lingered as she planted an overdue kiss on my lips and whispered. ‘Tomorrow? I’ll cook.’
‘Definitely‚’ I whispered back‚ my voice catching. Nearly three years together and her touch still made me want to forget the world and follow her voice‚ her smell. ‘Tomorrow.’
‘Say hi to Shaz from me. And Imy...’ Stephanie inclined her head towards Jack who was now sitting cross legged on the front lawn picking clumps out of the grass. I nodded at her and with a too quick peck she turned and walked into her house.
‘Alright‚ kid.’ I sat down opposite him‚ legs crossed‚ mirroring him.
‘Can’t you stay?’ His eyes everywhere but on me.
‘I would love to. But I’ve got things to do. I’ll come early tomorrow‚ we’ll have lunch together.’
‘I’m at school tomorrow‚’ Jack said‚ whine creeping into his voice.
‘How about I swing by after? Take you to the park or we can go on a bike ride. Your choice.’
‘Both… Can we do both?’
‘How about you ride your bike to the park. How’s that sound‚ kid?’
His eyes finally met mine and he nodded excitedly. ‘Are you doing sleepover tomorrow‚ too?’
‘I’ll bring my PJ’s. Let’s make a camp and sleep in there‚’ I said. ‘Now come on‚ bring it in‚ give me the good stuff.’ He stood as I got to my knees and gave me a hug that only a five-year-old could possibly give‚ nice and tightly fitting into my body. I kissed him on the head and hissed in his ear.
‘Where’s the damn remote?’
‘I’m not telling you‚’ he replied‚ whilst his hand snaked into my shirt collar and released damp grass down my back before running off inside laughing manically.
I sat in my car and watched them for a moment. Stephanie in the kitchen‚ steaming mug in one hand – coffee‚ one sugar‚ no milk. In the other hand she held a Spiderman beaker – hot chocolate‚ microwaved‚ one minute medium. Jack stormed in and clumsily climbed up onto the stool in front of the breakfast bar.
I said a silent prayer. Warmth‚ health and happiness.
But I knew that as much as I loved them‚ inevitably it would be me that took all those things away.
2 (#ulink_1bd6dc83-daf5-5b5e-bf23-fa638a8b8b01)
Javid Qasim (Jay) (#ulink_1bd6dc83-daf5-5b5e-bf23-fa638a8b8b01)
The phone rang again‚ chirpy and incessant‚ desperate to be held. I looked across at the two other operators sitting either side of me. To my left Dave‚ or Davey as he liked to be called‚ a middle aged man who dressed way too young and smelt like tangerines. To my right‚ Kelly‚ a cute‚ geeky girl‚ the type who turned up transformed to the school prom and surprised the hell out of everyone‚ and ended up sleeping with Jason‚ the captain of the swimming team. Probably‚ I don’t know. I just wanted to go home.
Kelly and Dave were busy on calls and the phone was still screaming in my face. I sighed loudly‚ my irritation clear to Carol‚ the team leader from hell. She glanced over at me just as I glanced over at the clock. Two minutes to five. Two minutes before I could get the hell out of this place for a few hours before it all starts again. I knew if I answered the phone I’d be stuck here past five. I can just about make it to five‚ but keeping me here any longer is tantamount to taking the fucking piss‚ especially on a Monday. I locked eyes with Carol and ventured out a hopeful smile whilst inclining my head towards the clock‚ the smile wasn’t reciprocated‚ instead she nodded down her long beak at the phone. I huffed and puffed a little‚ just enough to have made my point‚ and then I answered the phone.
‘IT Helpdesk‚ how can I help you?’
*
On the short drive home‚ I mentally pictured the inside of my fridge‚ it didn’t take long. I couldn’t be arsed with a big shop‚ I could do that later on my iPad‚ from the comfort of my armchair‚ but I did need a quick fix for the night.
I ducked into the newsagents at the end of my road and browsed the ready meals‚ picking myself out a prawn curry and a litre of milk. At the till‚ my eyes fell on the Daily Mail. On the front page a painfully familiar image was staring back at me. One I had seen many times‚ an image fast on its way to becoming as iconic as the plane flying into the twin towers on 9/11 or the devastated London Bus with its top blown on 7/7. My neighbour‚ my friend‚ Parvez Ahmed‚ laid out on his back atop a police van. His eyes open and lifeless‚ a sawn-off AK47 hanging around his neck and a Glock 19 handgun gripped in his dead hands. I picked up the newspaper‚ knowing full well that it was going to spoil the rest of my evening.
I placed the prawn curry in the microwave and read the article at the worktop. I was expecting inaccuracies‚ and it didn’t disappoint. It had been around three months since the failed attack and the media just would not let it fucking go. It’s exactly this kind of journalism that prods and provokes and burns an imprint into the public’s consciousness. Not letting them move on‚ not letting us move on. Not a spare thought for those who suffered‚ whose families suffered. Parvez‚ who had died for a belief that many would never even contemplate understanding. Now they celebrate his death‚ parade the images like a badge of fucking honour. A constant reminder of the victory for the West. British intelligence working for the people.
But I knew better. I knew the truth.
Nine jihadis‚ four holding points‚ Oxford Street. All armed with automatic rifles and handguns‚ the objective to block in thousands of shoppers on Boxing Day‚ one of the busiest days of the year‚ and shoot at will. Parvez was one of the nine jihadis.
I was another.
I had been drafted into the Secret Service to spy on those that looked like me. My job was to uncover a terror plot and to establish what I could about the terrorist cell‚ Ghurfat-Al-Mudarris. My career had been short-lived. I was no longer part of MI5‚ I no longer wanted to be. They had taken my life and hung it upside down‚ and people that I cared about had tumbled out. I’d given them the intelligence to prevent an unthinkable level of carnage‚ and they fucking rinsed me‚ man. Bent me over and fucked me and left me in a collapsed heap on the floor‚ sucking my thumb and crying out for my Mum. I gave them my all‚ flew half way around the fucking globe to a hell hole training camp where they knew that a certain somebody would want to see me. That somebody being Abdullah Bin Jabbar‚ better known to MI5 as The Teacher. A man shrouded in such mystery and myth that MI5 had to resort to using me – a small-time nickel and dime dope dealer from the streets of Hounslow – to ascertain information pertinent to national security. I gave them a name‚ I gave them locations‚ I gave them a description and in the process I found out that this fucking Bin Jabbar character‚ with the stupid fucking moniker‚ was my fucking father‚ who‚ until then‚ I had never before met.
And what did they do with that information? Jack-shit. The Teacher was still bouncing around between caves and mountains and safe houses somewhere in Afghanistan or Pakistan or who gives a fuck. I’d done my part.
Fucking MI5 and their fucking half-arsed operation. They didn’t achieve shit‚ though they happily took credit for narrowly avoiding an attack on Oxford Street – never once mentioning that it was a stroke of freak luck that one of the jihadis had a last-minute change of heart and put a spanner in what would have made the 7/7 attacks seem like a teddy bears’ picnic.
I sound angry. I know. I am. Fucking fuming.
MI5 referred me to a shrink to help me understand my feelings and recognise that my actions helped with a big result.
So‚ how did you feel when your friend Parvez was shot in front of your eyes?
It felt like shit.
He was about to start shooting innocent members of the public? He was going to be responsible for hundreds of lives? Women? Children?
Still felt like shit.
Why?
Parvez was my friend.
He was a terrorist.
They didn’t have to kill him.
Don’t you feel it was necessary? We’re fighting a war on terror.
At that point I laughed in her ignorant face. War on fucking terror! The hypocrisy was mind-bending. Instead of helping me understand my feelings‚ it just vexed me further.
It was around then‚ a couple of months after the attacks‚ that MI5 sent me packing. They made me sign a lot of confidentiality documents‚ swearing me to secrecy‚ as if I would want anybody to know that I was a part of that organisation. They patted me on the back as though I was a child and gave me a briefcase full of gold coins‚ you know‚ services rendered.
Then what? I tell you then what. I did what I never thought I would do‚ I got myself a nine to fiver. Yeah‚ man; a white shirt‚ itchy black trousers and a fucking tie that was out to kill me. Hounslow Council‚ Helpdesk Operator! I zombied in there five days a week and spent my time sitting on a chair that stopped twirling around the same time as Fred and Ginger‚ surfing the web and talking on the phone to people dumber than I am‚ and then I zombied my way out of there. I didn’t have to do it‚ I had money thanks to my shut the fuck up pay off from MI5‚ but I had decided that my life finally needed structure.
I scoured the rest of the newspaper‚ my eyes darting from headline to headline. There wasn’t any news on my father. I knew there wouldn’t be as I’d already checked on-line earlier that morning. And then later that afternoon. I hated myself for doing so and resolved not to do it again‚ knowing full well that I have no fucking resolve. I folded the newspaper tightly and whacked it hard against my thigh to snap me out of an approaching slump. The microwave pinged but my appetite had skated and replaced with thirst. I opened the fridge and sipped straight from the carton of OJ as my eyes landed on a Qatar fridge magnet that my Mum had sent me. Underneath the magnet was an old flyer.
All Muslims Welcome.
Heston Hall Community Centre.
Every Tuesday and Thursday – 7pm onward – Workshop and Group Discussion.
Bring with you a smile.
I’d been attending the Tuesday sessions for the last couple of months. Maybe after the attack I wanted to be around normal‚ moderate‚ modern Muslims and not those who had ideas of devastating the West. They held talks for young Muslims‚ ranging from those facing ‘issues’ in the current climate‚ to those struggling to gain employment‚ or those who just wanted an environment where they were able to vent without judgement.
I could gauge the opinion of Muslims up and down the country just by spending an hour or two in that room‚ bouncing from person to person‚ all of whom had justifiable reason to be full of anger‚ but had the good sense to just get on with it. Unlike that popular minority‚ these Muslims wanted a place to express‚ and not to take extreme action.
This wasn’t about that.
We shared stories‚ drank masala tea and munched on Jaffa Cakes. Once in a while‚ normally after an atrocity‚ we would be riled up at the media coverage or the lack of it‚ at our Brothers‚ or at the two patrol cars taking turns in cruising up and down outside the hall‚ just in case we all balled out wearing suicide vests and waving rifles‚ shouting Allah hu Akbar!
My life‚ truth be told‚ wasn’t great. But a crappy office job and the Community Centre gave me some purpose. I didn’t have to report to MI5 anymore‚ I didn’t have to play spy‚ a role that I was fucking blackmailed into‚ coerced‚ as those bastards would call it. The only good thing that came out of it was that a nasty motherfucker named Silas who I owed a lot of money to was tucked away safely in jail thanks to a statement that I had given. Ten G I owed him; instead he got ten years. I was aware that when he was eventually released he would come looking for me.
Until then‚ I couldn’t be touched.
3 (#ulink_359d635d-d036-5f48-85ee-ae300addeeb1)
Burj Al Arab Hotel, Dubai (#ulink_359d635d-d036-5f48-85ee-ae300addeeb1)
Sheikh Ali Ghulam had lived his whole life in the United Arab Emirates in the city of Abu Dhabi. He despised being away from home‚ refused to join any of his wives or eleven children when they vacationed in the most extreme exotic locations around the world. He had a constant nagging thought that it was only a matter of time‚ and not coincidence‚ before a lunatic gunman or a suicide bomber decided that today was the day to spoil his vacation. The Sheikh seldom set foot outside of his home. He lived with his wives and his children and his servants on a sprawling estate‚ with two guest lodges and a small shopping village within the compound.
It was only business that held the might to force him from his home. Sheikh Ghulam never had and never would conduct business from his home‚ not a meeting‚ a phone call or an email. Any communication would have to be hand-written on a note and delivered personally to him by only a select few. But business was now calling‚ and it was that very reason why he travelled the short journey to Dubai.
Ghulam‚ dressed‚ as ever‚ in a long white thobe‚ and white headdress‚ stood with his back to the luxurious hotel room and looked out of the huge curved window of the Royal Suite on the top floor of the Burj Al Arab Hotel. The sun dipped and the skyscrapers obscenely illuminated the skyline. Ghulam could not make out the scene below him‚ but he imagined with certain distaste the crowd and activity that was taking place. Shameless and barely dressed women displaying all that should be precious to them‚ and burnt‚ ruddy-faced drunken men looking for a wife for the night. Westerners with their Western ways and a blatant disregard for the laws of a Muslim country.
The door to the suite opened. Ghulam noticed in the reflection of the glass that Pathaan had entered.
‘I trust our guests are satisfied with their accommodation‚’ Ghulam said.
Pathaan was aware that he was being watched in the reflection‚ so replied silently with a slight nod and sat down on the armchair closest to the gold-plated phone. He slipped off his sandals and placed his bare feet on the coffee table. Out of the top pocket of his crisp‚ half-sleeved white shirt he took out a well-worn‚ small tin container and pried open the lid and removed a ready-wrapped paan. He folded it in half and then half again and placed it on his tongue before vigorously chewing it as the taste exploded inside his mouth‚ coating his teeth in red salivation.
Ghulam eyed him momentarily in part fascination‚ part frustration. Aba Abassi‚ known only as Pathaan‚ was head of security and the only person on his payroll who did not afford him the respect that was demanded of a Sheikh. However‚ although belligerent at times‚ Pathaan was a necessity; a confidante and protector‚ one who was highly trained in many forms of combat‚ which he carried out with pleasure and if the mood took him.
Ghulam had requested Pathaan to organise this meeting. It had taken Pathaan six flights and three cities in three different countries to arrange. Out of the three esteemed guests invited only two had turned up with the obedience that was expected of them. The third had needed to be convinced onto the Lear Jet.
‘Alright‚’ Ghulam said. ‘Let us commence.’
Pathaan picked up the gold-plated phone and dialled. It rang three times before he got a response. He ran his tongue slowly over his teeth‚ relishing the taste of the paan. ‘Three rings‚’ he said on answer‚ ‘is not acceptable.’ He waited for the apology before instructing‚ ‘Send them up.’
*
Mullah Mohammed Ihsan and Mullah Muhammad Talal entered the hotel room. Sheikh Ali Ghulam stood at the head of the table. Something in his face made the two Mullahs hesitate about greeting the Sheikh as etiquette would usually dictate.
‘Sit.’ Pathaan made the decision for them.
At the far end of the table was placed a large wide-screen monitor‚ with a USB pen drive attached.
‘This has come to my attention‚’ Ghulam said‚ quietly. He nodded towards Pathaan who‚ with the press of a button on the remote‚ executed a file.
The footage was clear but without sound and motion‚ as though shot by a security camera. The time stamp read 15.22 and the date 26/12/2017. It showed a young man sitting on the back step of an ambulance‚ a blanket wrapped tightly around him and tucked under his chin. Even from the distance that the footage was captured‚ it was plain to see from the way his shoulders rhythmically shuddered that he was crying‚ as he looked around‚ lost‚ at his surroundings.
‘Who is this Brother?’ Talal asked.
‘He is no Brother of ours‚’ Ghulam glared‚ his eyes ablaze with fire. ‘This man is a traitor.’ Pathaan placed a thin manila folder on the table. Ihsan opened it and stared at the 7×5 photo. Bright eyes and a nervous smile looked back at them as though he had just been caught. Which he had. ‘I received intelligence from one of our men on the ground in London. This is the man behind the betrayal of our leader. His name is Javid Qasim.’
Ihsan cleared his throat and although it was just one word‚ he spoke it with careful measure. ‘How?’
‘Qasim attended our training camp‚ by invite‚ in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa where he was able to ascertain important details of our operation.’
‘How much did he find out?’ Talal said‚ finding his voice again after being under Ghulam’s glare.
‘Enough!’ Ghulam slapped his palm on the table. A small bowl of hummus upturned. He then began softly drumming his fingers.
Enough as in Javid Qasim found out enough? Or Enough as in I don’t want to hear another word from you? Talal decided it was best to wait for Ghulam to continue in his own time.
‘This man‚ this Muslim‚ cowardly hid under the guise of a soldier of Ghurfat-al-Mudarris,’ Ghulam said‚ quietly. ‘Crossing the border into Afghanistan to meet with Abdullah Bin Jabbar and reporting every detail to the British Secret Service.’
The silence that followed screamed a thousand questions.
‘The one thing I despise more than a Kafir‚ is a Munafiq.’ Ghulam spat the last word as if it burnt a hole on his tongue. The others in attendance were aware of the treatment reserved for such a Muslim. ‘And it is for that reason that I hereby put forward a fatwa on Javid Qasim.’
4 (#ulink_f4a861af-cd6c-5f4e-809c-16b88d374d54)
Thames House (#ulink_f4a861af-cd6c-5f4e-809c-16b88d374d54)
At 12 Millbank – Thames House‚ MI5’s headquarters – Teddy Lawrence‚ a young MI5 officer‚ knocked and entered the minimalist office of John Robinson‚ Assistant Director of Counter Terrorism Operations. It was the first time they had met since the foiled terrorist attack on Oxford Street on Boxing Day.
Lawrence had climbed the ranks rapidly‚ due largely to their close working relationship. Robinson had seen in him a kindred spirit‚ whilst Lawrence saw opportunity.
Robinson had lost weight everywhere but on his stomach. His sweat-stained white shirt hung loose over his shoulders. Uneven growth on a face that managed to be both pale and ruddy red. Alcohol probably‚ stress definitely‚ reasoned Lawrence. Whatever it was‚ Robinson looked like shit and no longer like a leader of men.
Lawrence‚ despite what they were facing‚ had kept up appearances. Seven fitted suits for seven days. Monday was a charcoal grey three piece. He’d been in the office for nearly three minutes without Robinson having uttered a word. Lawrence watched him standing at the floor to ceiling window‚ staring out onto the stunning views of the Thames as though the answer would float to him in a message in a bottle. They had both received the same brief that morning.
The Teacher was no closer to being located.
After the London attack‚ The Teacher was quick to go under‚ hidden away in the vast wild lands‚ somewhere in Pakistan or Afghanistan‚ unable to lead the might of Ghurfat-al-Mudarris. Still‚ the attacks occurred across Europe; smaller in scale but with a frightening frequency. Despite The Teacher’s absence‚ his work continued.
Robinson mumbled something‚ but Lawrence couldn’t quite hear as Robinson still had his back to him. Lawrence hesitated before asking‚ ‘Sir. Can you repeat that?’
‘Javid Qasim‚’ Robinson said‚ ‘is the key.’
Lawrence now understood why Robinson had his back to him. It would have been an embarrassment for him having to backtrack‚ and he probably didn’t want it seen in his face. It had been Robinson who’d terminated Qasim’s contract – a rash decision‚ considering what he’d achieved for them in such a short period of time. From Qasim’s intelligence alone‚ they’d narrowly avoided a multiple gun attack in the heart of London. Just as vital‚ Qasim had revealed The Teacher’s locations and hideouts‚ along with a detailed description of the man that the world’s authorities had‚ previously‚ had no knowledge of. After that it had been out of Qasim’s hands. It should have been enough. Yet they had still failed to locate and capture The Teacher.
Robinson concluded there were doubts about the legitimacy of the intelligence‚ and he’d been quick to voice his judgement. It didn’t sit comfortably with him that Qasim clearly had mixed emotions in what was asked of him. Robinson refused to let anyone who was sympathetic to the beliefs of Ghurfat-al-Mudarris continue working for the Secret Service. It had muddied the waters further when Qasim’s relationship with The Teacher came to light.
At the time‚ and despite advice‚ Robinson could only see one way‚ when he should have been seeing it the other way.
‘Javid Qasim?’ Lawrence questioned‚ though he had already formed the conversation in his head.
Robinson finally turned and locked eyes with Lawrence. ‘We can still use him.’
Lawrence nodded. ‘I’ll talk to him. Get him back on board.’
From the drinks cabinet‚ Robinson poured himself a large whiskey and a smaller one for Lawrence. He strode across and handed the drink over and sat down opposite him. Robinson leant back‚ an arm draped across the Italian leather two-seater that he’d insisted on having in his office‚ and crossed his legs. The arrogance that had been missing‚ as they repeatedly failed to capture The Teacher‚ was returning.
‘No‚’ Robinson said. ‘That’s not what I had in mind.’
5 (#ulink_d90d988e-f349-50d1-ae09-f3f22737d18d)
Hounslow High Street (#ulink_d90d988e-f349-50d1-ae09-f3f22737d18d)
Dean Kramer leaned his bulk against the back of his rusty old Range Rover. Like him‚ it carried battle scars‚ and like him it was still strong. He slipped out a Greggs sausage roll from a paper bag and proceeded to cut it in half with the first bite. In front of him‚ Kramer looked out at the scene on Hounslow High Street. A group of forty or so Asian youths‚ shuffling feet‚ a bundle of nerves and anticipation‚ being held back by metal barriers and Police. Nothing had kicked off‚ it hardly ever does at these things‚ but they had to make their presence felt. Opposite them‚ outside what used to be Dixons‚ now a discount store‚ St George and Union Jack flags flew high above a fifty-strong gathering of white faces‚ mainly men‚ holding signs and placards that read Taking back our country or words to that effect. They were led by a red-headed woman who Kramer knew well. With her she had her weapons of choice: a microphone‚ and a voice she wasn’t afraid to use.
This was the third time this week that Kramer had watched Eve Carver and the rest of the faces. First in Leytonstone and then in Slough‚ before moving onto Hounslow. All areas heavily populated with Muslims.
He watched Carver bring the microphone to her mouth and clear her throat. It came out loud and crisp through the large box speaker. One of the Asians shouted something unoriginally offensive at her. A copper shook his head at him and he quietened down. Kramer took the second and final bite out of his sausage roll as she started.
‘I went to the supermarket today. I thought I’d do a little experiment. I counted thirty tills. Twenty-eight of them were manned by brown faces.’ She paused. She smiled. She continued. ‘Isn’t that strange? It’s strange to me. And it’s not just our supermarkets. Step into any hospital and chances are you’ll be treated by a brown doctor. Step into any school and chances are your child is being taught by a brown teacher. Have you asked yourself‚ what are they teaching our children?’
‘What are you teaching our children?’ an elderly Asian man‚ who had stopped to watch‚ countered. His small voice was lost in the commotion as his wife hurriedly ushered him away.
‘Take a look at our council‚ our government. The Mayor of Hounslow is a Muslim. The Mayor of London is a Muslim. Every day‚ five times a day‚ I hear the Islamic cries for Prayers. They are not adhering to our laws. We are adhering to theirs. Believe me‚ Sharia Law is spreading like the sickest of diseases. Here. In our country. In our England.’
Kramer yawned‚ loud and wide. He’d heard this or a variation of this three times already this week‚ and a hundred times before. This little show would be filmed and plastered over Social Media. Their profile would increase. Their numbers would increase. If they were lucky‚ a fight may break out and they would find themselves in one of the local papers. National even. But ultimately not a thing will change. Kramer wasn’t here for that.
He tuned out as Carver moved onto All Muslims are complicit in Terrorism‚ and scanned the crowd. The two young lads weren’t difficult to find. Black bomber jackets‚ skinny black jeans and red Doctor Marten Boots. They were the reason that Kramer was there.
He placed a call to Terry Rose.
‘Rose.’ Kramer sat in his car to block out the noise. ‘They’re both here.’
‘Course they are‚’ Rose replied. ‘You talked to them‚ yet?’
‘About to.’ Kramer glanced in his rear-view mirror. The two lads were mouthing off at the Pakis‚ intent and anger burning brightly in their faces‚ hands balled into tight fists‚ ready to fly. There was a third with them‚ younger‚ dressed the same‚ but looking painfully out of place. He stood close by and tried to imitate them but Kramer could see that he did not hold the same passion. ‘There’s another with them.’
‘Who?’
‘Don’t know. He’s been hanging around them all week. Could be a friend.’
‘Alright. Suss him out‚ and call it‚’ Rose said.
Kramer ended the call. Brushed the crumbs from the sausage roll off his face and stepped out of the car just as the demonstration was dying down. He approached one of the lads that he knew by name and reputation only.
Kramer stood beside him. ‘Simon Carpenter.’
Simon‚ his thick arms crossed‚ his face set like flint‚ stared at what was left of the dwindling Asian group as they started to disperse‚ to his satisfaction.
‘Look at them go‚’ Simon said‚ eyes forward. ‘Off to plot. To plan. We’re not careful‚ they’ll bring this country down to its knees.’ Simon turned to look at Kramer. ‘Who the fuck are you?’
Kramer‚ a few inches over six foot‚ was taller and wider than Simon. But not by much. Simon was built like no other eighteen-year-old. The other lad joined them. Kramer knew him as Anthony Hanson. He was taller than his friend‚ but he didn’t carry the bulk. Taut‚ wiry‚ and handy with his fists. Had a history of substance abuse. Kramer had done his homework.
‘Anthony Hanson.’ Kramer smiled‚ producing crooked teeth.
Anthony gave him the once-over and then looked across at Simon. ‘Who the fuck is this guy?’
‘I’d like a word‚’ Kramer said.
*
In the absence of a coffee shop close by‚ Kramer took them to a dessert lounge a few doors down from where the demonstration had taken place. He ordered three coffees and waited for them to arrive before starting.
‘I’ve seen you both at the last few rallies‚’ Kramer said.
‘Yeah‚ so?’ Anthony said.
‘I’ve seen you‚ too‚’ Simon said. ‘From a distance. Never seen you join in‚ though.’
‘Don’t agree with it.’ Kramer shook his head. ‘It’s not right.’
‘We got a Paki-lover on our hands‚’ Anthony said‚ his attitude clearly bolstered by having his friend by his side ‘Prime example of all that’s wrong with our country. If we can’t stick up for our own then –’
Kramer shot him a look‚ one that had shut down many in the past. He made a show of interlinking his meaty fingers and Anthony’s eyes travelled down to the red St George’s Cross tattoo on his middle finger‚ just above his knuckle.
‘What do you want?’ Simon slipped off his beanie hat to reveal a freshly-shaved head.
‘You’re wasting your time‚’ Kramer said. ‘These rallies won’t get you anywhere. Their beliefs sit side by side with my beliefs‚ but the objective is a political one.’
‘It’s something‚’ Simon said.
‘It’s not enough. And I think you know it’s not enough.’
‘That supposed to mean?’ Anthony said.
‘Last year. The attack on Sutton Mosque.’ Kramer left it at that. He picked up his coffee and took a sip.
Anthony glanced at Simon. Simon quietly kept his eyes firmly on Kramer.
‘How’d you know about that?’ Anthony asked.
‘The attack on the Mosque was celebrated across the country‚’ Kramer replied. ‘I made it my business to find out who was responsible.’
Anthony looked around nervously. Kramer smiled behind his coffee as he took a sip‚ amused at how Simon held his gaze like an equal.
‘Who are you?’ Simon asked.
‘I am one of many. And we’re making a stand.’
‘So are we?’ Anthony shrugged.
‘Don’t be daft‚ son. You think a few fucking marches and rallies is making a stand. Talk is cheap‚ and ineffective.’ Kramer leaned in and lowered his voice. ‘After desecrating the Mosque‚ you hid when you should have built on its momentum. Instead you wear a hole in your Doc Martens‚ marching relentlessly‚ trying to spread the word.’ Kramer straightened up‚ took his time looking them both in the eyes. ‘I work with a small organisation whose members believe that...’ he paused. ‘Action speaks louder than words. A belief that you once shared.’
‘We still do‚’ Anthony said‚ then looked across at Simon who slowly nodded his agreement.
‘That sounds like words to me‚’ Kramer said. ‘If I see that you are serious‚ if you are capable in making a difference‚ a real difference‚ then...’
‘Then what?’ Anthony asked.
‘My partner‚ who runs operations‚ would like the two of you to join us.’
The door to the dessert lounge opened with a cheery chime. The third lad‚ who’d been hanging around with Simon and Anthony‚ walked in and tentatively approached the table‚ trying his hardest to avoid eye contact with Kramer.
‘Where were you guys?’ he said‚ softly. ‘I was looking for you everywhere.’
Simon leaned over the table and locked eyes with Kramer. ‘Tell your partner we’ll show you both just how serious we can be. And...’
‘And what?’
Simon glanced across at the boy who smiled unsurely at him. He turned back to Kramer.
‘Tell him there’s three of us.’
6 (#ulink_2930b3c7-7544-55a4-9b65-05c155e6e3cd)
Imy (#ulink_2930b3c7-7544-55a4-9b65-05c155e6e3cd)
I never did find the remote control so‚ back at my flat‚ I had to go back in time and operate the television up close and personal. Channel set to Sky Sports‚ I settled in‚ a bowl of crisps‚ two glass tumblers next to a jug of water‚ a bowl of ice and an unopened bottle of Jameson on the coffee table in front of me.
Compact was the word I would have used to describe my flat to any potential clients; pokey would have been more apt. The rent was set quite low‚ but I paid even less‚ one of the few perks of being an estate agent. A touch of damp on the walls‚ questionable décor courtesy of the previous owner‚ and a carpet which electrocutes. It sat nicely above The Chicken Spot which some may find distasteful – especially as the smell of greasy food was a constant guest – but‚ geographically‚ I found it convenient.
It was far from perfect‚ but for now it was all I needed. I could have easily moved in with Stephanie and Jack into their comfortable home in Osterley‚ and that remained the eventual plan. I know that she would like that‚ and Jack would be absolutely thrilled to have me always there playing Dad. However‚ for the time being I was enjoying living on my own after having lived with my Khala for the last twenty years. She was my mother’s elder sister. They were both originally from Pakistan‚ but while mother had moved to Afghanistan‚ my Khala had built a life in England. Both following their husbands in the name of marriage.
Khala brought me up with more love than I could ever have wished for. I owed her everything‚ but eventually I’d had to get out and do my own thing. Even though I’m thirty-six‚ she was horrified at the thought of me moving out.
‘People will talk‚’ she had proclaimed when I finally found the courage to tell her. ‘They will say that I kicked you out.’
I didn’t patronise her‚ she was right. In our community‚ people did talk. The textbook thought process was: Thirty-six. Not married. Not living at home with his parents. Something terrible must have happened!
I had to go though. I had to find a way of making things work with Stephanie and Jack – and I couldn’t do that living at home with my Khala. She wasn’t happy when I left home‚ so God only knew what her reaction would be when she found out that I have a white girlfriend who has a son from a previous relationship. For now‚ that had to be my secret.
*
I glanced at the time on my phone‚ considered pouring myself a small shot but decided to wait for Shaz who had just texted his arrival. He was downstairs ordering a bucket of hot wings. I shifted along the the two-seater as I heard his footsteps approach my door‚ which was left on latch so I wouldn’t have to get up.
‘You know what I don’t understand?’ Shaz opened with‚ as we touched fists. I could tell from his eyes that he was already high. ‘If you’re gonna hit a deer‚ would you get out of your car to check if it’s alright?’
‘You got skins?’ I asked‚ before he unloaded whatever was on his mind.
‘It’s a fucking deer‚’ he said‚ flinging a packet of king size silver Rizla and a small ziplock bag of skunk onto the coffee table. He placed the bucket of chicken on top of it and I knew that he would very soon be searching for the gear. ‘And then‚ and then‚ he goes to the boot of his car and finds something to put the deer out of its misery‚ as his bird who‚ by the way‚ is wearing a posh frock‚ ’cos they’re on the way to a dinner party in the middle of a fucking forest‚ looks on from the passenger seat. I mean what the fuck does he know about whether the deer is suffering? For all he knows‚ it could just have a sore fucking head‚ it could be right as rain in a bit. That shit is just wrong‚ taking a metal cross spanner to the deer’s head and going to town on it‚ whilst he gets soaked in deer blood just to impress his girl!’
‘The match is about to start in a minute‚ Shaz. Is there a point to all this?’
‘Just this film I was watching. It won two Oscars! Shit‚ what was it called again? Whatever! The point is... what’s my point?’ He shuffled out of his puffa jacket and sat himself next to me.
‘Why didn’t he just run the deer over?’ I know Shaz‚ I know how he thinks.
‘Yes! Why didn’t he just run the deer over? If he really wanted to put it out of its misery‚ drive back and forth over the fucker until it’s finally dead. There was no need to bludgeon it to death! I swear they give out Oscars like penny sweets these days.’
I liked Shaz. He liked to talk and I liked to listen to him muse about the unimportant things in life. It was one of the reasons that I was desperate to find the remote control. Frequently I needed to pause live television so he could spill whatever random nonsense that popped into his head.
I first met Shaz – Shahzad Naqvi‚ when I started working at Kumar’s Property Services. The first few months I was kept in the office carrying out basic admin as Kumar inducted me. Shaz had been there for almost a year and had graduated to viewings. He would check back to the office twice a day‚ and I’d smell the alcohol on him. I’d see the red in his eyes. It’d make me furious that a Muslim would behave in such a manner.
After my induction‚ Kumar sent me out to shadow and learn from Shaz. Every lunch time‚ Shaz would take me to The Rising Sun pub.
A pint for him... a lemonade for me.
I couldn’t help myself‚ I couldn’t let it be. I had to ask. ‘Are you not a Muslim?’
‘Course I’m a Muslim. Fuck‚ man! Kind of question is that?’
He took a sip of beer‚ wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve‚ and before I could question the contradictory action‚ he beat me to it.
‘I take it you don’t drink‚ Imy. Sup to you‚ yeah. That’s your business. I ain’t hurting no-one. My parents bought me up right and correct‚ mate. I know the difference between good and bad. Everything else... Well‚ it’s just noise.’
Shaz took another sip‚ waved his empty glass and winked at the barman.
‘Why you lookin’ at me like that?’ He grinned. ‘I pray too‚ yeah‚ before you ask. Every night‚ in bed‚ a direct line to the man upstairs. I say whatever’s on my mind. A thanks‚ a wish‚ world fucking peace‚ whatever! That’s how I pray. I ain’t saying other Muslims are wrong‚ but personally I don’t think that I was put on this Earth to bow down five times a day‚ reciting Arabic prayers that I don’t quite understand and – with all due respect – most other Muslims don’t understand either. Going through the same motion day in day out. You know what they’re thinking as their heads are bowed? What’s on TV tonight? Where’d I leave my sunglasses? What time’s the gym closing? Tell me that ain’t true. Look... It’s like this‚ I know I ain’t Muslim of the year and when I do go and God judges me‚ I probably won’t get to sit at the top table with the Mashallah crew. I’ll most likely be in the nosebleed seats‚ with a pillar blocking my view! But trust me‚ yeah‚ I ain’t going to hell. Way I see it‚ we’ve been given the gift of life. Live it‚ man‚ you’ll be alright. You hear me?’
I heard him. It was all I could think about. I managed to convince myself that if I picked up a glass‚ smoked a little weed‚ there was no way I’d ever be suspected. It was the perfect cover. But really‚ I wasn’t convincing anybody.
I easily fell in love with the lifestyle. I easily fell in love with having a choice. I easily fell in love with a girl.
Soon after‚ when Shaz and I went to the pub it was;
A pint for him… and a pint for me.
Now Shaz was a regular feature‚ and he was also the funniest person that I knew – mostly unintentionally. He helped me find laughter that had been absent for years.
Like me‚ he was a Muslim‚ and like me he wasn’t much of one.
He rested one foot up on the edge of the coffee table. ‘Let’s take a moment or two to admire my new desert boots.’ He said. And in that instant… I was back there again.
*
Most of what I remembered from growing up in Afghanistan was my impatience to grow up. In fact‚ just before all it kicked off‚ my biggest concern was that I was done with being nine. I had been counting down the days until I hit the all-important double figures. In my village in Afghanistan‚ ten was a big deal; ten brought you a certain amount of respect‚ responsibility and power. Ten was being a man. Though‚ whichever way I chose to look at it‚ the truth was‚ at ten‚ I was still a child. And at that moment‚ when everything changed‚ I had never before felt more like a child.
I remember my father telling me to run. I remember my mother screaming at me to hide. I remember that being the last thing they ever said to me.
The sound of gunshots was not rare in our small village in Sharana. For us children who were in a hurry to grow up‚ the sound signalled one of adventure. The presence of the Taliban was not uncommon; they would ride in on their dusty jeeps or their dusty horses and once in a while shoot a hole into the sky just to make us aware of their presence. We would surround them with respectful smiles and sometimes they would let us hold their rifles. My parents hated it but acquiesced‚ because really‚ what choice did they have?
The sound of these particular gunshots were different. Cleaner. Relentless. Getting closer. Moving from home to home until they were pounding down our door. From my hiding spot‚ under my bed‚ I hear a muffled question‚ a nervous reply. My mother’s scream‚ my father’s anguish. Heavy feet making their way through our home. My parents separated. My father taken to our small kitchen and asked the same question over and over again. My mother taken into the bedroom‚ screaming‚ and forced to perform what should only take place between a husband and a wife. I couldn’t move‚ my shalwar wet and stained‚ my eyes closed painfully tight and my hands clamped over my ears but still unable to block out the sounds of the final two shots.
Then silence. No more gunshots‚ no more screams. I opened my eyes and from my position under my bed‚ I noticed two things; the smoking barrel of a Heckler and Koch machine gun and a pair of sandy coloured‚ British military-issue desert boots.
‘Well‚’ Shaz said‚ rescuing me from my thoughts and placing me back to the present. ‘Pretty sick‚ right?
‘Yes‚’ I snatched my eyes away from his boots. ‘They’re nice.’

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